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#haven't updated in a while but twitter is looking shit again
usa-chins · 1 year
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Twitter commission: Zhongli and Scaramouche in suits. Thank you for commissioning me <3
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misclogarts · 2 days
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i think i like ptn's gray mirror event so much because it reflects how genuinely weird online culture is and how it can bleed into and affect reality (ultra long ramble in the tags. it cuts off abruptly because i hit the tag limit unwittingly and tumblr didn't warn me beforehand 😭👍)
#itlogthoughts#thinking about it again because i got recommended a video of chris-chan's arrest in my yt recommendations#and let me say. it's genuinely insane how little privacy she has like a crowd of people just knew she was#staying at that hotel? motel? and were waiting outside like vultures and taking videos of her arrest as it happened#and it makes me worry like why. do you have her current location. why are you monitoring her life like that.#i mean she isn't a good person by any means but if you look into her family history if she were given more positive#attention by her parents and treated more kindly by the people around her she wouldn't be like this 😭#it's horrifying to me how people were actively trolling her online just for fun 😭 that and the person who catfished her#into sending her sonichu medallion to them only for them to break it was pretty fucked up ngl#i am by no means defending her actions but at the same time people online scare me because genuinely it's like if you give some people#the option to be anonymous they'd spend their free time tormenting already clearly troubled people 😭 chris-chan#responding was only making it worse and while all of this could have been prevented if she just. didn't. it wouldn't even be a problem if#people didn't pester her either 😭#ok back to gray mirror it's also like. reminding me of twitter and cancel culture and how callout posts#circle online in an attempt to deplatform public figures. some deserved while others are ... not really warranted at all#in the case of gray mirror the aspect of the event that reflects this is the 'perfrct vote' system where users#can put people up for 'voting' and if they get enough negative (inferior) votes they will literally be killed irl#the best example of this is simon/hot toddy_815 who would use the gray mirror forum to 'purge' users who HE deemed#was a threat to the safety of eastside. and more often than not the people he purged were actually innocent people#and also the users of gray mirror as well as the character who decided to purge everyone using gray mirror reflect twitter cancel culture#the anonymity that social media provides has its ups (for example if you live in a homophobic/transphobic household while being a member of#the lgbtq+ community you can learn more about yourself and conmect to the same kind of people safely online) but of course it has its downs#(namely people taking on fake names and personas to harass other people)#back to how this bleeds into reality is like. once cheif's identity is exposed people start actively tormenting her irl#even one going as far as to hurl a rock at them. but in reality tey're just a coward as shown by them scampering away when they mention the#are being recorded. most of the things people say online would not be something they would say irl becauss their actions would actually hav#consequences. being anonymous gives them the protection they need to do or say the shit they do online#i've had this topic on my mind for a while now and i finally have the words to voice it so hi guys here's a long rant about it haha#it's hard to cite specific examples personally because lately i haven't been keeping up with online drama all that much#(and if i catch wind of it it's either a. i've already heard of the case beforehand and this is just an update or b. it just so happens to
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anonymouspuzzler · 2 years
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Yay Yipee I Finally Remembered I Should Update Folks On Things That Are Happening
because hey whoops as some of you might remember Supposedly I Stream Sometimes! That Uhhhh Hasn't Happened In A While Has It! so I should probably let folks know what's goin' on!! the long and the short of it is
Around late November/early December I started having issues where Discord would crash and restart anytime I tried to screenshare my capture software with my friends who I stream with. This put console game streams (so 2/3 of the games we were streaming) on the backburner till I could troubleshoot and solve that issue
On top of that it was Fucking Finals Season for me at my Graduate School so at a certain point I had to be responsible and focus on getting my final projects & essays done, which meant sacrificing stream time till my break (where I would hopefully have time to troubleshoot and then do a ton of streaming to make up for lost time)
Except THEN literally the second I went home for the holidays my hard drive abruptly and completely died. It is very possible that this contributed to the aforementioned tech issues
I was able to replace the drive and get my computer working again but because I have a Fucking Curse a lot of tech-side things were lost or started experiencing issues due to the new drive, namely A) I haven't been able to get my capture software working yet and B) whoops my entire OBS layout is just gone now I guess
This whole saga, on top of juggling other life shit and work and the like, effectively ate up my entire winter break
so tl;dr! I have a computer curse and because of it streams are gonna have to wait till I can get both OBS and my capture software working again. I'm hoping to work on that this weekend so I can be back to streaming next week, but given my school & job workload I'm guessing it'll more likely be two or three weeks. On top of that, I won't be streaming most of March due to reason of "my partner is visiting then". all of this sucks cause I want to be streaming, both for reason of "i like spending time with my good friends doing this" and "haha whoops I'm not earning money now and oh boy there sure are a lot of expenses flying at my head like rocks huh".
I've already rambled a bit more than I'd like to now so here's da main points:
Streams will (HOPEFULLY) be back in February. When they are, they'll be Monday & Tuesday nights, 5:30pst/8:30est, for as long as my friends remain available at those times (we're all adults having to look for or maintain Day Jobs so availability could change. y'all know how it is). I may also do occasional one-off streams on weekends as my energy 'n schedule permits, most likely art streams
I'll continue to be around on Holly's streams Fri/Sat/Sun as her schedule permits, because I don't have to rebuild OBS from the ground up for that
There is a 99.99% chance I'll be totally absent stream-wise during March
Even though streams are facing The Troubles I am still taking art commissions! Those haven't been affected!! You can submit an interest form here and I'll reach out to confirm prices as soon as I'm ready to start work on yours
If, out of the kindness of your heart, you would like to toss some support my way during The Troubles (which would be much appreciated; as said I've got a lot of expenses coming my way and unfortunately my day job covers my rent and nothing more), here are some other ways you can do so: -- Tip me on Ko-Fi; if you pay $9 or more you can request a doodle that I'll do for you and post on here & twitter (and might stream the process of drawing once that's up and running again). Here's an example of some Ko-Fi doodles I did previously -- You can also tip through my stream page if you want but I probably won't see those till I start streaming again. Still appreciated!!! -- I have a Throne Wishlist that's mostly stuff like kitchenware, household goods, stuff for my kitty, etc. There's also a few Fun Things though, like vinyls and a billy big bass Jay insisted I add. Either way, if you wanna contribute to something on there it means a lot. You can also suggest items to make me laugh
an' above all: thank you for reading and for bein' around!!
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luescris · 10 months
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Okay I have a bone to pick with the Sonic fandom in general.
This is something that I see on Twitter mainly but I haven't looked at any tags or anything for. Well, any fandom really in general so it's been a minute but like.
We need to talk about something. Rant under the cut.
What do you guys want. Like seriously. Everything that Sega/Sonic team does you guys hate on without purpose, sometimes within reason, but it also comes off as rude, spoiled, and petty. I'm not saying that everyone does this, but it's happened so many times for as long as I've been a Sonic fan and like. I think this was the last straw.
Because when Sonic Prime came out, everyone loved it. We were able to get three whole seasons for the show because people actively enjoyed it cuz it was good, compelling, and had amazing animation/character depth and other kind of stuff.
But now all I'm seeing all over Twitter is hate for the show. Out of fucking nowhere. The same shit happened to Frontiers.
I've heard people call it the best Sonic game we had yet. And we got three whole new updates and content for free. But people are now shitting on it like it's the worst thing we got. Like what is that?? It's happened with the IDW comics, it's happened with the Sonic movies, y'all switch your opinions on what game is the best constantly and compare every game to everything else and like.
What the hell do you want.
I get it. Some games could be better. Sonic 06 is an example of that. But some of y'all call games perfect, and compare almost everything to the Sonic Adventure games when even that has it's flaws. I know I'm only one person, I know not many people will probably see this, but this is seriously pissing me off and getting out of hand. Watch the same thing happen to Sonic Dreams I bet you.
Sega isn't perfect. The Sonic team isn't perfect. But they're trying again. Isn't that good enough?? Isn't that something that we haven't got in a while???? This was actively the best year for Sonic that we've ever gotten in so long and the fact that y'all are hating this much this badly is just. It's unreal to me. It's insane.
Stop pretending to be a fan of all your gonna do is unnecessarily critique everything that Sega comes out with. Penny Snapcube has made some good points about what she thinks could've been done better in Frontiers, but she did it in a way that wasn't mean spirited. It was genuine.
A lot of you need to learn how to be fucking genuine.
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thewollfgang · 8 months
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A little update before I proceed to babble: The vibes are no longer vibing. A couple days ago I had just completely packed everything away (besides the essentials) when I got the news that my new place won't be ready till (maybe) April. There's no problem with staying a while longer at my current place but it's a majorly infuriating inconvenience as you can imagine. Why say it was "move-in ready" when it's not? Anyway, I haven't slacked on practising drawing our fangy boy. The sketches are coming out better than I thought they ever would (though I'm sure if I tried to draw a different face it would look like shit XD).
Babble: Seeing your Lucifer reblogs makes my heart ache, in a good(?) way. Does it sound stupid to say, though, that no matter how much I love Lucifer, I don't think I can watch it again? I can watch clips and stuff but I can't exactly explain the feeling I get when I think of rewatching it, especially concerning season 6. I guess I want to memorialize those feelings I got watching S6 when it came out, to not... overwrite them by watching it again I suppose. I dunno, it's a bit hard to articulate any better than that. It sounds dumb, even to me but at the same time, it makes sense? I really don't know lol. I don't feel this way with any other show I've watched, and I think it has something to do with how beautifully it ended (I cannot hear MCR without thinking about the end). They wrapped it up with such care and with so much thought behind everything, it's almost like they set out to completely ruin me for any other show. Lucifer set the bar too high, and someone superglued it in place.
Aw man, just when you've got your ducks in a row the pond's dried up. Well, at least April isn't that far away. Is there any place you can voice your complaints to? Sometimes it helps to give the wheels a push. I haven't been drawing much, but I did set aside some monies to commission one of my fav artists for some bg art which i am pleased by immensely. I'm gonna get it printed and place it on my shelf.
I've really been enjoying the resurgence of Lucifer love, so I figured I would do my part and reblog some sets. Plus i have like 7k likes and need to get those in a queue dear god. I was bracing myself when you mentioned s6! It seems all I see these days is negatively to it was a breath of fresh air to read your feelings about it. I'm fairly neutral when it comes to the final season. There were things that worked for me and things that didn't, but in the end, Chloe and Lucifer are together forever and that's what I wanted. The absolutely ridiculous nonsense on twitter gives me an apoplexy.
Anyways, I'm glad you sent an ask in, I have been thinking of you lately! Hopefully things will work out with the new place soon (fingers crossed) and always feel free to pop in and chat about life, bg, or lucifer! I'm all pointy ears, my love.
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lumau · 5 months
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(fandom update and appreciation)
Hello, I'm back!
These past months daily life has taken over and lead me into a fandom hiatus. After the end of twitter as we knew it I kinda lost connection and tbh it has been refreshing. While I've always kept to my own corner and away from big drama, just being in fandom on social media these days has pulled me down and I probably burned myself out over it (again).
During my break I rediscovered that I can actually enjoy things casually (I'm still playing Pokémon and started watching Winter Begonia), and that I can both consume and create things just for myself to enjoy without the constant internal pressure of seeking engagement dopamine. 
But now I'm at a point where I'm starting to miss all the good fandom stuff (meaning YOU guys out there!). I miss seeing your Xie'er hcs, your Sleuth memes and the JGY protection squad, and I'm glad that fandom always perseveres and I can simply come back after a break and y'all are still doing what you're doing. ❤️
So, what's new? Well, after intentionally ignoring it for the past years, I'm getting sucked into TGCF right now. I watched the 2nd donghua season as it aired and wanted to know more, so I finally continued reading it. I'm also doing that very slowly and am currently in the middle of the 3rd book. 
I've been reading some fic, watching videos and I know myself enough by now to see the pattern of falling into a new thing. It's both enticing and scary to once more get into something with a big following. I really love the experience of being in small, committed fandoms, but there's also something really cool about the sense that there's an infinite amount of fan content out there waiting for you. Also, the specific danger of being tempted by MERCH I can buy in an actual STORE where I live!?! Haven't had that in over 20 years. (Yes, MDZS has merch here, too, but none that I care about 😅).
For now I'm still trying to be casual about it and avoid spoilers (I know the vague plot lines, that shit will only keep going downhill, and who's behind BWX - I guess that's hard not to learn by fandom osmosis- but I'm looking the other way whenever any details come up.) 
Maybe I'll start posting some reactions as I keep going through the novels, but I don't want to feel like I'm reading it for content. Probably I'll feel the urge to write fic in the future, and my prediction is that I'll find myself in the Junlian corner (Unhealthy, one-sided obsession with a power imbalance? When have I ever resisted that!).
I've also been doing some casual doodling, which has been fun. Here's a tiny little XL for anyone who read through all of this:
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Oh, and on the note of doing things very slowly - Yes, I still have plans to finish the Jia Kui/Wang Zhi/Ding Rong fic I started writing... ehm, a year ago? 🙃 I'm just beginning to feel motivated again, and it's almost done, so there's hope. 我还在!
All of that to say - old and future fandom friends, I appreciate you! Do come talk to me, here or on discord, about TGCF or Winter Begonia or any of my previous fandoms. I'm looking forward to seeing what all of y'all have been up to!
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foxgirltail · 8 months
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Let's step through these claims one by one, shall we?
1. The palworld devs support AI replacing artists
The main thing I have seen is that the palworld devs made another game that uses ai generated art as a gimmick (ai art imposter). The multiplayer game revolves around inputting text into an AI generator, and based on the outputs, guess who the "imposter" (someone given less information on what to make) is. While this game revolves around ai art, based on the gameplay it literally could not exist without it.
I haven't tracked down individual devs twitter's to check if they've said anything along the lines of "I think artists should be replaced with ai", but it doesn't look like any of their 3 other games use ai. Just this one specific ai gimmick game, where the gimmick is that it's ai.
Additionally, the fact that game designers are required to either make all of their own assets (or pay someone else to). If you have an idea for a game and coding skills but no artistic skills and no money you're just shit out of luck. I think ai is a good remedy for this because without it, the game would literally not be released. It's basically the piracy argument - the assumption being "if people didn't pirate/use ai they'd be paying for it" vs the reality of "if this person didn't pirate/use ai they just wouldn't partake of/create it".
Non-issue.
2. The palworld devs steal designs from people
From what I can tell, it's just been pokemon designs? This is a non-issue.
3. The palworld devs have a history of scamming customers with abandoned early access games
I think this is talking about craftopia, which, from what I hear is very similar to palworld. This is potentially an issue but it requires discussing things like "when is a game considered finished?" and "how much do you have to play/enjoy a game for it to be worth it?" and "if it was worth it to buy/play something at the time, but no longer is, is that a scam?"
I think if you go into palworld with the knowledge of craftopia and the recognition that palworld may remain unfinished, and an improved version of the game may be released later that you may have to buy again, you can still enjoy the game for what it currently is.
(also nitpicky but one does not make "a history of")
Again, this could still be seen as an issue, and I don't really have a good solution. Maybe the dev could retroactively make craftopia free, and issue refunds to those that bought it. Maybe they could give a discount to craftopia purchasers equal to the difference between the sales prices (or just keys to palworld, craftopia's base price is $25, palworld's $27). I'm not sure how feasible either of those are on steam, or any other game platform (and I doubt the dev will see this post/thought anyway)
As a side note, craftopia got an update in December (and another one today, Jan 22nd), as well as a development roadmap (also December)? Seems like maybe this game hasn't been entirely abandoned.
So! All in all! 2 non-issues, and only 1 potential issue depending on how you see it
Here's one of the devs talking about the development of palworld, if that may be of interest. It's entirely in Japanese so I'll leave the translating to you
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raiaue · 2 years
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Welcome to tumblr! Allow me to give you a little introductory guide, it can be a bit difficult to understand the site if you're used to ones like instagram, twitter and tiktok, its very different here!
Your dashboard (feed) is Not algorithm based like it is on other sites, you will only see the reblogs from the people you follow. On tumblr, you and the people you follow Are the algorithm, you control what you see on your dash! There are some algorithm based functions on here, though none of them are self-learning-AI based. The for you tab, unlike on tiktok, is not your main feed, the Following tab is. The for you tab is mostly posts from the blogs the people you follow reblog most from, as well as stuff from your explore page. So, the for you page isn't like tiktoks fyp. They're all based purely on what the people you follow are following, reblogging and liking, it's just allowing you some insight into their dashboards more or less!
The explore page, and all the other pages, won't infinitely update with new posts each time you refresh the page. If you look at your explore page now, and check back tomorrow, most of the same posts will still be there. Basically, tumblr isn't as fast paced as other apps, and won't cater to short attention spans like other apps will, which is great! It's good to slow down! If you want more action on your dash, follow more blogs!
You can find more blogs about topics you like using the search function of course, as with any social media site. The search function isnt the best, it's more or less impossible to find specific posts, but if its keyword or tag based searches you're good to go!
Liking posts does nothing for the creator of the post, likes dont equate anything, they have no "worth". Reblogging is what makes a difference on here, and it's the only thing that will let your followers see that post, though it seems you've understood this already, good job! Likes only serve a purpose in the "based on your likes" tab, which I haven't seen in a while, maybe its not a thing anymore, who knows! Other than that, likes are typically used by users for the sake of saving posts so you can find them later!
We generally dont add our own thoughts on posts as an addition on the post, we do that in the tags, so the person reblogging from you won't have to reblog your addition to the post as well. Sometimes we do add regular text to posts, but generally it's a bit frowned upon, you'll learn when and what to comment on, and when to use the tags! Don't think of the tags only as hashtags, the tags is your personal thought space, say whatever shit you want in there! all your completely irrelevant thoughts!
You can customise your desktop blog with different themes, if you go to raiaue.tumblr.com on desktop you'll get to the customisable desktop blog, have fun!
the queue! You can queue posts instead of reblogging them instantly, it's by no means necessary, but some people like to do it to keep their blogs active 24/7, but it really doesn't serve a purpose, it won't gain you more followers, but it will allow all your followers from different time zones to see you on their dash more consistently, but again, won't serve a purpose with follower count, which is something we really dont care about on tumblr, since we can't see other peoples follower counts! we're all equals on here, no verification checkmarks, no follower counts, lovely!
Have fun on here, dont bring the twitter drama, just follow and reblog things you like, make friends, go ham!
(and if you want a glimpse into tumblr history, follow @heritageposts, this site has a wild history, might be entertaining to see!)
OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS HELPS SO MUCH
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helielune · 1 year
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i looked at threads so you don't have to
the point of social media is to feel like you can connect with EVERYONE there, and in that sense, since Threads (by meta) is the only twitter competitor with a userbase pre-baked-in, i think they are by FAR the only actual threat to twitter in the near future
i love watching drama from the sidelines so i gathered some info about it, for all of us curious but cautious creatures:
toc: 1. features 2. acct deletion 3. home feed 4. privacy etc
1. threads is purposefully launching with MINIMUM POSSIBLE features. they are not shy about saying this. (wikipedia literally begins the history section of their Threads page by talking about twitter) they saw an opportunity to launch when and where it hurts and they TOOK it, instead of waiting to build an actually full service. and it's WORKING.
as of now, you can post/like/comment, repost, un/follow, mute and block things, and search (for accts). no dms, hashtags, web app, searching for posts, and your home feed IS your explore page (more on this later).
for more details here is a basic rundown of the app so far (nbc news), and here is a list of features they don't have yet (forbes)
2. they are 'looking into' a way to delete your threads account without deleting your entire instagram. (instagram ceo, via threads, and mentioned in other sources scattered around here)
from a slightly tech standpoint, threads is officially built as an offshoot of instagram. it literally calls itself an instagram app. when you sign up, you can only sign up via instagram. so depending on how they developed threads, it's likely that it was literally just easier to build a version of threads that is basically instagram with a hat, where removing the hat removes the body (??). if i give them some benefit of the doubt, maybe they just haven't figured out how deletion should work, since they seem to want every insta acct to have exactly one threads acct (so they'd need to plan ahead in case of returning signups and all). and since they wanted to get threads out as fast as possible, this is just what it came out as.
still, they don't seem to be promising much. imagine if they finish 'looking into' it and decide it isn't worth implementing. lol. also it was still definitely greedy of them to link those deletions together now so no one can leave when they realize there is no functionality yet! the same greedy that made them release this half-baked idea in the first place.
but, if you already made a threads, it is Possible that you will eventually be able to delete it without affecting insta.
3. from what i understand, getting used to threads is like training your fyp on tiktok. (i've also never had a tiktok lmao, but my friends do) it does not have a chronological timeline. it does not even have a Following timeline. you are served whatever the algorithm desires and you just have to deal with it, and you WILL be wading through default shit for a while (the verge but also Everyone is complaining about this lol)
they say that they are working on it too (instagram ceo again, via threads-- with much more conviction than they had for the deletion feature)
4. yes, it is asking for WAY TOO MUCH DATA ACCESS in the app store. meta does this with all of their apps (the general permissions list for threads on the app store is identical to fb's and insta's).
i've seen some people say that threads might not be actively using (or collecting??) every single category. notably, threads does not have ads yet, so a lot of visible surveillance things that fb is known for have not shown up.
this might be true Now (though it's an awfully generous opinion!), but they are At Least actively opening the doors to do so in the future. if you've already agreed to those permissions when downloading or logging into the app, you will NOT be notified if a new update suddenly starts siphoning all the data they ignored before. just so yall are aware.
this is likely not as big of a deal if you already have insta and/or fb downloaded, but it's always great to be informed :)
and yes, meta is withholding official launch in the entire EU, almost certainly because of their data privacy AND new anti-trust legislations. (some links may require subscriptions, but not all) there are other posts about this already though.
basically, threads is hardly even meant to be used at this point. it's almost completely unusable compared to other competing sites, which already existed. it's also run by a Notoriously Evil, massive company, with 114 Blazing Red Flags for personal security. (one for each type of data they ask for, plus 100 extra for saying "other data")
they are launching now to attract as large of a userbase as possible, and then just squatting on it as they figure out which functions to add and how to do that. from what i see, most people are joining for the same reason-- claim their username, and then squat on it as they wait for the app to be functional. no hate to them, because meta is nothing if not a master of marketing, and also there are a lot of legit reasons why you may want to claim your name, or make sure your following can stay with you, etc etc.
but what i'm going to be doing, and recommending to everyone else as well, is just grab a snack and watch this crazy competition from a Safe Distance as it goes down. i said that threads is probably the only twt competitor in the immediate future, because it's the only one with the pre-established market control to be one. but if we don't want to hand our entire society over to a soulless megacorp, we can play the long game. i mean, we're already Here, right? might as well just settle in for a long haul🍿
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bewwy · 2 years
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Eu postei 3.721 vezes em 2022
Foram 826 posts a mais do que em 2021!
19 posts criados (1%)
3.702 posts reblogados (99%)
Blogs que você mais reblogou:
@tinyballerinadancer1
@apollos-boyfriend
@lilacandladybugs
@microwaved-dirt-block
@manlet-rights-activist
Eu marquei 121 posts meus em 2022
#bewwy's post - 6 posts
#bewwy talks - 5 posts
#dsmp - 4 posts
#brazil nt - 4 posts
#brasil nt - 4 posts
#world cup - 4 posts
#mcyt - 4 posts
#prev tags - 3 posts
#game dev - 3 posts
#:( - 3 posts
Maior tag: 103 caracteres
#look i don't think tommy and the other are blind to what reaction the fanbase would have to this ending
Meus principais posts em 2022:
#5
I can't believe Wilbur was an Isekai protagonist all along
8 notas - publicadas em 3 de setembro de 2022
#4
Camarão ta dando uma porreta nos jogadores, e gringo nem deixa a gente reclamar que eles falam que a gente joga assim tb :/
8 notas - publicadas em 2 de dezembro de 2022
#3
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My techno design :)
9 notas - publicadas em 3 de julho de 2022
#2
As a game dev I feel bad for the Minecraft team, I totaly get why people are upset about the firefly and the birch biome, but my guys, adding a new boss type character is a humongus task, especially in such a short time frame.
I can tell you all that the fact that, they wanted to send the Warden out in the next update, and that was their priority, so by Mojang standards it had to be really clean with as few bugs as possible (0 bugs is really hard to send out, even for a big team)
So they were probably thinking, ehat can we cut so no one is overworked and the priority asset is the main focous, and BAM birch forest is out.
Next a higher up says to the team, firefly are poisonous to frogs, don't make them eat it. So the team was ok! But then fireflies didn't have a use, and they didn't have the time to brinstorm, conceptualize, program, make assets for the fireflies, and then BAM fireflies are out.
I understand people are upset, but please think about how many AAA teams are overworked and underpaid, and still sends stuff with 0 quality (cof cof Cyberpunk). And maybe this update isn't what you expected, but who knows what the next updates will have.
Yoir feelings are valid, but let's not shit on a team of people that are trying their best ok?
27 notas - publicadas em 27 de maio de 2022
Meu post nº 1 de 2022
SO THE MAGNUS ARG RIGHT?! After the code in the audio was cracked, Rusty Quills twitter posted the following photo
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and underneath it, a link for a 27second audio of Martin asking if we were still listening. https://shows.acast.com/themagnusarchives/episodes/ohhello While i haven't cracked the picture, the audio description has a sting of key smash.
7V?UOEdDb7B-9WH>[n7AhG3$ATAo0@V?lrB6JQG+F/-BB6%F(@<=^@$<L\[@3B5q/0IH*G%G<0EbBM;6?$RHDfTD?+F/!?Aft(H$CHLDdmBm+EhBM
Tthat when decoding using ASCII85 we get this:
Fgngrzrag Erznvaf. Ner lbh fgvyy yvfgravat? Wbva hf, Guvegvrgu Bpgbore, yrgf gnyx nobhg vg.
while still looks like nonsense, we can clearly see the sentence structure. The code in the first audio was decoded using a Cesar Cipher, so I tried using it again, and it worked!!
Statement Remains. Are you still listening? Join us, Thirtieth October, lets talk about it.
WE HAVE A DATE EVERYONE!!!!!!!!
78 notas - publicadas em 13 de outubro de 2022
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starryyyjoon · 3 years
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I, you | Kim Namjoon One Shot
word count: 8.2k
pairing: idol!namjoon x fem reader
summary: namjoon meets you again and he can't help but want you to look at him the same way he has all these years.
disclaimer: it's sort of written from y/n pov. kind of smut included, not too much but still. other then that, i don't think there's anything. it was written a long time ago so i don't clearly remember, sorry!
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Namjoon walked in, followed by a few staff members and they occupied the empty chairs on the conference table and I smiled at him and the others. He looked great like always, he was in a navy blue hoodie and a khaki colored trouser, with his hair pushed backwards exposing his forehead.
There was something and nothing between me and him and it was too tiring to play pretend. "You look good", he remarked and I smiled at him. He's always being too kind, I looked like absolute shit, I hadn't slept in three days and my clothes were whatever was in my reach that I'd put on after showering and I rushed here.
I had met him before this level of success but I was merely an assistant director myself and we'd talked about Monet and his work together, he'd similar interests to mine but both of us didn't really get anywhere because of our timing and I believed it was for the good. He'd always expressed how he liked my vision and wants to work with me on something and I didn't believe my vision because what even was my vision that he could see and not me and after being this big I didn't really thought he'll even remember me until he hit my phone one day and here I was, at the label's office to discuss the details of his mixtape's music video.
"So, do you've something in mind?", I asked him and he pressed his back on the chair letting out a yawn, he seemed tired.
"Not really! I want it simplistic and not too hard to understand. I haven't thought about it or anything so I don't know, I would await what you propose", he softly said.
"I haven't heard the track because of--", he intervened, "--ah you haven't? You should hear it first", he said and I nodded.
"I would need to hear it", I told him, thinking about the lengthy talks with the illustrator already.
The staff then pin pointed about the budget, the do nots and other details and two of my team members who were seated beside me talked thoroughly in detail about the technicalities. Namjoon looked bored with all the talk that didn't interest him. He wasn't much different from before slightly bigger.
All of us stood up coming to an agreement when Namjoon asked me to walk up to his studio to hear the track and I asked my team members to go ahead first. I walked through the dark corridor behind him while he talked to someone on the phone, all the way to his studio. I didn't really hear what he was talking because I was invested in staring around the place like I hadn't seen a building before.
The walls were all dark and a comforting shade since I didn't like the sun anyway. It seemed like a night mode in real life.
His studio was the corner most, he typed the passcode in and stood aside gesturing for me to walk in, followed by him. He hung up the phone call and put his phone aside, switching the AC on. He sat behind the monitor while he switched it on and I went through my inbox.
"So, how have you been?", his deep tone, made me look up and I fidgeted to put my eyes on something other then him while he turned his chair around to face me.
"I have been okay-ish, like the projects I'm doing I'm satisfied with them so I guess it's kinda okay", I said and regretted it immediately, I don't even talk like this and he knows it.
"Not the work c'mon, you, your boyfriend, family, other things?", a lose smile hung on his lips and I looked at him. How can someone look like that?
"No boyfriend because you know no one can put up with this profession. I haven't slept in three days so I'm fucking annoyed and the work is too much that I don't have time for other things", I shrugged and he chuckled. I didn't want to think about guys, I barely had time for myself. Filmmaking was a time bound profession.
"I relate, trust me I do", he turned his chair back around, his eyes on the computer screen and I looked at him. I could see why he could relate, I mean of course he didn't had time either. I knew idol schedules enough to know how these things go. "Why didn't you come that day?", he asked me and my insides twisted.
"I was hoping you don't bring it up", I said in a small voice.
"Why not? I waited for you", he said without looking at me and I threw my head back on the couch thinking of the time when he'd asked me out officially and I didn't make it. "At least I deserve to know what was more important that you didn't make it", he looked at me and I closed my eyes shut.
"I had a flight, I got an exclusive food show travel experience with discovery and it was too good for an opportunity to miss", I let it out and took a breath in. I knew I could never leave work for a guy, any guy, or anyone as a matter of fact and as much as I'd thought about it on the plane...it all seemed for the better. He wasn't the kind of guy I could've had my regular thing with and I was too young to be serious.
"It was a good show", he told me. I could feel his eyes on me and I didn't flinch. I didn't regret it but his words made me feel guilty. My head was on the headrest of the sofa I sat on and my eyes were closed. My subconscious could feel his curious gaze on me.
"Look away Namjoon", I said and I could feel his gaze was still on me.
"Why didn't you call me when you got back?", he asked me and I looked at him.
"I didn't because our cultures differ, everything is poles apart--what's the point of discussing it now?", I asked him, slightly annoyed. He and I separately needed to focus on our careers and he knew it too damn well.
"Okay", he turned around again as his monitor showed a circle indicating that the programme he'd launched was loading. "It does makes me feel better that my better position in life doesn't changes your opinion on me. Quiet comforting", he said, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice but I chose to ignore it. The last thing I'd be doing is fueling this feeling in him by discussing this useless thing which wouldn't make any difference whatsoever.
"Is this the reason you wanted me to do this project with you?", I asked him and he swiftly turned his chair around.
"No, I don't take all this for granted. I love the stuff you do. I'm pretty updated thanks to how active you're on your social media", he smiled and I couldn't shook the thought of seeing my psychotic episodes on my Instagram, Twitter...everywhere. I'm pretty weird out there.
"I love it, the stories", he flased his dimple smile before turning his chair around again and I felt his warmth, like he meant what he said.
For a second I was taken aback with how tall he was from me and how good he looked, he'd always looked good but he was more mature now and much more reserved. "I'll be calling you often because I won't send it for pre-production without your say on the concept", I told him.
"I'll look forward to a lot of calls", he said. "I'm sorry this is taking a while", he added quickly and for some reason I couldn't look away from him, whose back was visible to me.
"No, take your time", I said, crossing my arms against my chest. I really wished he was a regular guy just making music but then I didn't. I wouldn't want someone to wish that for me. He'd earned all of it and I knew it.
"Look away ___", he said slowly. I could feel his grin through his words and I looked away shaking my head right and left softly. "It's, yeah it's playing", he turned around as the music filled in the empty atmosphere.
It was a slow song with a really fast rap. It was how Namjoon was, he contradicted himself too much. I instantly knew it was his writing from the way the words went and the wordplay came into role. I couldn't help but analyze the song because I was supposed to shoot and sketch a music video for it and at times like this I didn't really get to enjoy the art for the art and I hated it.
"How was it?", he asked me, his eyes fixated on me as the music faded. I wanted it to last.
"The only problem with it is that it ends", I flashed a smlie at him and he shook his head throwing it back.
"That's too corny even for you", Namjoon rolled his eyes but I was being serious. "You know I appreciate heavy critics", he said.
"I didn't find anything to criticize, the writing is great, the composition fits and it has a catchy vibe to it. I think I would listen a song like that on a drive or something? In your case a bicycle but yeah! It's a good song", I summarized my opinion. "Do you like want a trendy video?", I asked him.
"Anything that you want to do with it", he said and I gently nodded. Since it was given to me, I couldn't stop thinking about what to do with it.
"Can you stop thinking about it while you're with me ___?", he chuckled and I looked at him taken aback for a second and then nodded with a soft smile pasted on my lips.
"Your fashion sense has improved", I remarked.
"You look casual", he teased me.
"I, I've no fashion sense. I just wear whatever is there", I told him.
"I don't think so, your Instagram says different", he said.
"It's for the show Namjoon", I said.
"You're really not the type to do that, please don't deceive me", he beamed before he turned his chair around again to minimize the current tabs on the computer.
"You're the last person I'd be deceiving--", my words were cut from an incoming call from one of the producers of one of the shows I was working on. "I need to take this", I told him and answered the call while he just gave me a gentle nod in response.
The producer had informed me about the issues related to casting and the final draft of the script and I knew I had to go.
"Guess I'll see you later, bye", Namjoon said warmly as he smiled at me. The thing was he just knew and that always stuck somewhere.
"Bye", I left.
________________
"I, for one, disagree. C'mon how do you even call it an end?", I threw my hands in the air as we discussed it for the millionth time. I liked Su-ho but his thoughts on GOT made me want to kill him. He is the only person I knew who was satisfied with how it ended.
"I think it was okay, c'mon, you have to consider that the novels didn't end and as compared to that I think it was pretty good", Su-ho claimed while he sat on the bean bag in front of me, pushing it comfortably.
"Don't even start with the novels--", my words were interrupted with the sound of the doorbell, "--they didn't even do a good job interpreting it and I am offended by that. Look there novels", I pointed at my bookshelf, showing him my GOT collection which he knew as I opened the door and my head bumped against Namjoon's chest as he took a step in.
He chuckled as he held the back of my head with one hand and pressed my forehead with the other and rubbed it gently to ease the pain.
"What's uh, what's that? Is it iron", I mocked, pointing at his chest while he let me go from his grip and took his shoes off.
"It can be", he said. "But why were you jumping around so enthusiastically?", he asked me as he seated on the couch in front of Su-ho, as he greeted him and Su-ho greeted him back.
"Game of Thrones heavy discussions", I sighed. "This is Su-ho who's illustrating the storyboard", I told Namjoon.
Su-ho was starstruck and it seemed like it'd take him a good minute to recover and Namjoon was obviously used to it. I didn't call him at the office because a lot of people would want to see him then and it could be exhausting plus he'd a time limit on his hands.
"You know him, ___?", Su-ho widened his eyes at me and I nodded, suppressing my laughter seeing his chaotic ass behave like this.
"A little", I said and I could feel Namjoon's gaze on me. "Maybe a lot", I rephrased. I could see by the way Su-ho looked at me that he needed answers. "Coffee?", I asked Namjoon.
"Oh yeah", he replied and I stood up. "I've thought of two concepts, Su-ho please brief him on it and if you want anything differently Namjoon, you can tell him", I told him as I marched towards the kitchen.
Should I use the regular coffee mugs or should I use the better ones? I mean it doesn't matter anyway but still, it kind of does? I don't know. It just comes to me, the over thinking.
Ah.
I could hear him and Su-ho talking about the concepts faintly and I was low-key proud because I did work hard on them. I opened the cabinet to take out the better coffee mugs.
This is what happens when you stop drinking milk and stop growing up. I rested my hands on the kitchen pavement thinking about how many shoes with heels I'd because of my height.
I wasn't very short but I wasn't my desired height too. It was sad. I was the right person to sell the tonics concerning height because my insecurity would make me buy it. I exhaled heavily and turned around to find Namjoon behind me.
"Let me", my hips pressed against the marble pavement while his body gently pressed against my front, I could spot the mole on his neck while he calmly took the box of mugs out. "Okay?", he whispered softly and I looked on without responding.
"Thanks", I told him, hoping he'd get away from me because this had me feeling some type of way. I won't admit what type of way. That makes it worse.
"Anytime", he clicked his lips, taking a few steps back as I stirred the coffee and poured it in three cups. Should've used regular ones.
"I like the quotes on that wall", he said as I handed him his cup, taking the other two. A wall of my house was covered in post-it notes and other stuff. Some print outs of Van Gogh and Frida's works alongside other things.
"Yeah that? Thanks", I said, as I gave the cup to Su-ho. "Did you decide on something?", I asked, as I sat down and Namjoon just beside me.
"Yeah, the first one. It was kind of okay, he made some alterations so I would send it to you by...maximum tomorrow", Su-ho told me. "But why did you call him here for just this?", he asked me.
"You seem so concerned about his whereabouts", I glared Su-ho . "I told him I could just email him but he insisted on doing it in person", I looked at Namjoon who took a long sip from his coffee.
"Yeah I did, don't worry I was absolutely free", Namjoon smiled at Su-ho and I could see Su-ho fanboy-ing.
"You're so in line today", I pressed my words.
"Shut up", Su-ho eyed me. I wrapped my hands around the coffee mug feeling its warmth.
After I talked to Namjoon for a while about the shoot and he explained to me about their company procedure and how they usually did things. I didn't like doing music videos or commercials, there's a lot of time you're bound by what the music video demands and you've to stick with that so that was that. I usually preferred either cinema like movies or dramas, I hadn't done much but I had done a few and travel shows were my preference.
"I'll see you next time then", Su-ho politely remarked looking at Namjoon and he smiled and gently bowed his head. I walked with him up-to the door. "I didn't, what the hell, you could've given me a heads up?", Su-ho whispered slowly to me as I leaned against the door.
"I didn't knew you were a fan", I said and he playfully hit me on my arm.
"I still can't believe it, you've to answer my hot questions next time", he said and I nodded.
"Okay okay", I closed the door shut behind me, taking a seat on the far side of the sofa me and Namjoon were seated on. He was scanning my bookshelf and I was looking at him.
"Literally 70% of it is fiction", he said. I read a lot of fiction and he read a lot of nonfiction.
"You should read fiction", I said and he looked at me slightly pissed.
"I do read fiction just not thar much", he pointed at my bookshelf. "If you've to recommend one, shoot", he said.
"Recommend, uh, the secrets of happiness", I said randomly and his face sunk in annoyance. "It's not a book talking about literal secrets of happiness, it has a story", I told him.
"Ah okay...I will try reading that. Let me take your copy", he said.
"No", I said back in a split second.
"I won't lose it, c'mon, ___", he said. I couldn't believe his testimony on not losing it.
"Fine, but it's annotated. You'll owe me big time if you lose it", I said and he nodded vigorously.
"Your place is great", he said looking around the house and I couldn't see why, I mean yeah maybe but not that I find it great if I think from his point of view.
"I'm barely here anyway. I pay rent for no reason", I kept the empty mug in my hand on the glass table in front of us.
"That was your friend though, Su-ho?", Namjoon asked as he kept his cup, followed by me.
"Oh yeah! I met him for work but then it's been a while since I know him, it's been years actually and he's a friend now", I said thinking about Su-ho. I don't know why I bothered explaining. It's been a good five years since Namjoon and I hadn't been in touch and there was a little catching up to do.
"You've always had a lot of friends, don't you", he sighed as he sat cross legged on the sofa facing me. I do have plenty friends honestly.
"Kind of", I shrugged. His gaze on me made me sit back in a more cautious way as I fixed my posture. "Namjoon...", I called out his name when the doorbell rung and I was irritated. "Give me a second", I stood up and walked up-to the main door.
It was my neighbor who's mother had left their house keys with me and he was here to take it back. He thanked me for keeping it and walked up to his own flat which was in front of mine.
I closed the door shut and Namjoon was standing by the balcony seeing a cactus I had grown since I couldn't grow any other plant because I was never home to take care of them in case.
"It's cute", he said as he picked the potted plant and stared at it for a little while and I stood behind him and watched him see it.
"You know your pupils dilate when you see plants", I said and he smiled to himself. He kept the cactus back in its resting place and stared at me. "What?", I asked him.
"You were going to say something", he said, his voice sounded deeper then usual for a second and I licked my bottom lip in haste.
"Oh that, you know the alterations you made? I will directly mail it to the staff and maybe cc you because it won't need a second check anyway. I've to get this done a little early since I've--", he turned towards me and I took a step back but there was barely any space and my back was pressed against the wall, "--what is it?", I asked but it came out as a whisper.
"Here", he dragged his index finger across my bottom lip and there was something on my lip. I didn't really see what was on there because of his presence so close to me. My heartbeat had fastened and I could feel it. Something I didn't want to feel.
"Thanks, I guess", I said slowly and he flashed his dimple smile at me and in that moment he seemed the opposite of the dominant he was a few seconds ago.
"Do you know you look really good?", he said, as his fingers ran across my ear touching the piercings one by one. I regretted having three all of a sudden. "And I didn't intended to do this but ___ I uh", he bent over a little, his lips a few inches away from my ear and his breath was falling on my neck.
"Namjoon", I said, trying to not look at him. I knew damn well I couldn't be able to control myself.
"Hmm", his voice was so small and I could feel goosebumps all over my neck. His gaze on me was strong and I had jitters in my stomach.
"I, uh--let's not okay", I put my hands on his shoulder as he pulled me more closer with a jolt and I gasped.
"Do you really not want to?", he asked me. It was a while since I was in this close proximity of someone like this but my subconscious kept telling me not to. "I don't understand what you find so undesirable about me", he took a few steps back and looked away.
What?
"Do you think I find you undesirable?", I asked him, pressing my lips suppressing my smile. I couldn't get how could he change roles in a span of few seconds.
"Yeah, it's pretty evident really", he sighed, looking at the the far side of the sky at the horizon and I saw him sulking.
"It's not that, are you fucking dumb? It's just you know you shouldn't start things you can't take care of", I said. For some reason I've always felt a little hesitant with him. "But you're desirable enough", I added.
"Sudden validation from you, ah", he clicked his lips in mockery and I felt bad. The last thing I wanted was to look like I was playing hard to get. I didn't feel competent enough in my heart. "Let me kiss you", he said, taking a few steps closer breaking the chain of my thoughts and I hated being so much in control and feeling a little out of place.
I was back to where I was a few seconds ago, me cornered and he put his lips on mine and my body automatically responded. He took over me in a second. My hands rested on his back and clutched the fabric. His hands travelled below my hips as he pulled me upwards and my legs wrapped around his waist. He didn't stop kissing me for one second and I didn't want him to, as he pressed his mouth harder on mine and I bit back a moan. I could feel the heat in my body and every vein seemed to electrify. He walked me up-to my bedroom like he knew which suddenly felt foreign to me as he laid me on the bed, breaking the kiss and I was breathless, panting for air.
I didn't had any resort in me to stop. I didn't want him to stop. I couldn't care more about whatever that had me concerned for a while. He watched me look at him and his lips curved in a smirk. "Should I stop?", he teased me taking a seat on the edge of the bed and I looked away from him to the right side, scoffing.
I pushed myself up, my hands at the hem of the lose white t-shirt I'd on and for a second I hesitated at the fact that he must've seen better flesh than mine but I pulled it upwards exposing myself in front of him as his eyes went everywhere. "Do you want to stop?", I asked him, as I crawled over to him. He didn't object as I sat on his lap and took his face in my hands. I looked in his eyes. He looked beautiful. I traced the outline of his skull, his jaw as I pushed his hair locks that were on his forehead behind. "Do you want to stop Namjoon?", I asked him again as he held me tight, giving me my answer.
He tugged at my neck with his mouth leaving a trail of gentle kisses down and I could feel my nipples startlingly prominent beneath the black lightweight bra I had on. I clutched his hair as he bit my neck suddenly and I gasped.
He pushed me on to him, nearer but there was barely any space for me to come close and I could feel him all over. He messily kissed me before groping my bottom and I-I cut a breath in. He would take turns and be gentler a second and rough the another. "Namjoon", I called out gasping which fueled him even more. He looked at me and smiled proudly at how he had me without doing much.
He flicked the straps of my bra shoving it down exposing my breasts and I could feel my nipples harden to the point it was painful. I wanted him. I wanted him to touch me, more. The way my body responded to his touch was almost funny, how quick, how wet.
I patiently unbuttoned his shirt and stripped it off of him while he looked at me with a gaze I couldn't quite make anything of, he just looked at me while he let me work on him. My hands touched his chest and my eyes examined his torso, his skin was warm and his gaze on me gave me confidence like he wanted me back as much I wanted him.
I was forgetting my own desperation for his touch as my hand traveled behind his back, trailing down to his spine and he looked at me as he cut a sharp breath in and I felt good seeing him giving in to me. His arms surrounded mine unclasping my bra in a second and he threw it off on the floor.
I half expected him to grab me and grope my breast but he swept me in his arms as his vaguely pink mouth pressed against mine and instead of hastily grabbing me, his mouth simply rested against mine and it was worse, much more intoxicating. I, on instinct coiled my arms against his neck.
As my tongue demanded entrance and he smiled before letting me, and in a second, roles were reversed, the romantic was gone. He took control and pressed his mouth harder on me with his thumb and finger pressing my nipple and my nails dug deeper in his neck. "Joon...", I on instinct called out, as I gasped for breath but he didn't let me.
He was hard against me and I grinded next to him which seemed to please him while he left my mouth, burning with a wanting for more while my sex clenched as he took control of my body putting his arms around my back and they were free to go anywhere. I wouldn't dare stop him.
A second later, he laid me on the bed and hovered over me before taking my shorts off in a whirl and pushed my underwear off me that it didn't seem reusable. I anticipated his actions but he pushed a thumb into my bottom without no warning and I clutched the sheets, a yell escaping my mouth. My fingers curled meanwhile his other arm grabbed my breast cupping it and a second later his forefinger and middle finger slipped inside of me and my grip on the sheets tightened.
"Shh", he hissed in my ear and I hadn't realized a moan had escaped my mouth. My whole body rocked in less then a minute and I couldn't control my voice, I gasped for breath and I moaned even louder then before. "I didn't take you for a screamer ___", Namjoon seemed amused while embarrassment washed over me as I laid exposed in front of him.
"Let me go down on you", I told him and he looked taken aback as I pushed myself up.
"Do you really want to?", he asked and I shifted closer to him, placing a gentle kiss on his lips.
"I would love to", I told him. "Do you want me to?", I asked him.
"Yeah, I mean yeah", he said when his phone rang echoing in the room and his face flushed into irritation as he looked at me and I nodded gesturing him to take it. He took it out of his pocket and answered it. With every word he spoke, his irritation grew. He hung up the phone call. "Where's the wardrobe?", he asked me and my eyes pointed behind him.
Namjoon opened my wardrobe and took out a very lose t-shirt of his choice from my stack of comfortable clothes. He held my arms and slipped the t-shirt on me, pulling me close. He stroked my face and he smiled in my face which forced me to smile as well.
"Am I suppose to expect something from you or should I forget this?", I asked him as his fingers tucked the few strands of my hair behind my ear.
"You're supposed to expect everything, don't dare forget it", he whispered in my ear, nibbling on it and I couldn't help but giggle. "I want to talk to you but I've to go now and I hate it", he smiled at me.
"Okay, go", I told him and he chuckled before letting me off him and he wore his shirt back on.
After seeing him off and taking a shower, I laid back on the couch in the living room thinking about everything that had happened. I didn't regret it, I wasn't thinking much about it anyway.
The guys I'd sex with or made out with, I disliked them because of their narcissism. I appreciated my ability to find guys that were a-grade assholes. I've always had this feeling that I am lacking in some sense with other people. I look normal, like I should but I get this insecurity when taking my clothes off.
I didn't knew what Namjoon thought about it and asking him would be weird. No one who knows me like him would think I am this insecure or anxious about this stuff but then a major part of it has to do with my aura, I guess?
________________
I took a bite of the sandwich that I held in my hand as I walked around the second set just nearby to the first one. I stood afar, taking a good look, even though the storyboard fits the sights I still need to frame out a rough sketch work in my head.
I took another bite staring at the beach and the path to it and then back to the set that we'd build up by man power. It was pretty accurate in my eyes but I wanted to hear from my assistant director.
I took the walkie talkie out from the pocket of my denim and pressed the centre button, "Jae-chan, where are you?"
In a second he reverted, "Ah sunbae I am near the gripper".
"Come to the road that leads to the beach", I said, before shoving the walkie talkie down in my pocket.
The sea met the sky at the far point of the horizon and how the world is full of these illusions which are not real we know but we still believe. After all there's beauty in things that you don't get. Vastness maybe?
Sea and sky — the two melancholic blues.
"Sunbae?", Jae Chan broke the chain of my thoughts and I glanced at him before looking at the sea. His breath was heavy, I could tell he ran here.
"You could have walked, Chan-ah", I said, smiling. He was really young and passionate about filmmaking but also a little silly. He's cute.
"Ah it's okay. Did you need something?", he asked politely and I shook my head. I liked the input of many people on the same thing, it showed the number of opinions that could centre around one thing that you make in a different context which is then perceived in another.
"Do you think this is accurate in terms of the story board?", I asked him and he seemed lost in thought.
"I would say slightly better because the storyboard is still animation and this is real so I would say better. I'm pretty sure it'll be good sunbae", he told me and I could feel a smile flush on my lips. "You are nervous, aren't you?", he asked me.
"Yeah", I wrinkled my nose, turning around to walk off. I patted Jae Chan's back and he started walking with me.
"You don't have to be, and oh, he's here", he said assuring me and I knew who he meant by he.
My mind automatically went to the day in my apartment. Namjoon had messaged me after but he got busier with his work and I am not a text-er plus I'd a lot of things to do before I left Korea. It was, I didn't knew anything and I didn't want to think about it. I hoped he'd pretend nothing happened, please. But I knew he won't.
I sighed and as I entered the main set, around the vanity and food truck, the manager and Namjoon's staff members greeted me. After that, I mean impractically I wanted earth to open and swallow me. Living is hard anyway.
I'd a flight on the weekend, I'd to pack and I'd to get new boots but I'm just dumb because I'm trying to think of other things. I need a new nail paint, do I? I looked at my nails which were painted black. Maybe grey?
"Sunbae?", Jae Chan shook me and I looked at him. He gestured me to look up front and Namjoon was right there looking like Namjoon.
"Hi", I awkwardly waved at him.
"Hi", he flashed his dimple smile at me. His dimple smile hits me.
"You can get the makeup and hair done, I've a few things to recheck", I excused myself. This is awkward. This is so awkward. I hate it.
Δ
Even though I had that awkwardness lingering around but we were nearing to the end of the shoot which went really good because everyone worked so hard. It was mostly one-takes and the lighting supported the whole setting making it so easier for us to finish.
Moreover, it was a while since I had done a music video so it felt good being back on a set like this. Namjoon looked really good with the styling and although I knew the outfits pre-shoot, he still looked better then I'd imagined him to look which enhanced the whole vibe of the music video. He owned earthly tones.
That's why casting and styling is so important. Very much. Makes a gigantic difference.
"What's wrong with you?", I didn't notice he was standing next to me with a small fan in his hands while we prepped for the last shot.
"What's wrong with me?", I asked him, as I adjusted the frame in the main camera. I didn't want this conversation especially right now, especially here.
"I mean...you knowww?", I could feel his stare while I shifted the camera, something is wrong with this.
"I don't know", I said, without looking at him. I was unintentionally making him mad and nothing else.
"I was really scared that you'd say this and see, I mean, why can't you behave normal when I mention anything about us?", he hissed near me and I looked around. Luckily there was no one in our proximity to hear this conversation.
"I-I, Namjoon", I exclaimed, vaguely pointing at the setting hoping we could do this later and I could explain that I would love us but he needs to understand that I won't even be in Korea as much as he thinks I would be and that's why it won't work out.
"I don't care", he eyed me.
"I do. I care, okay? There's no us to begin with and I know I was stupid enough to ask you what I should expect out of, what would you call it, we made out. That's that", I tried being really slow and I could feel annoyance in his sight.
"Made out! Okay, okay fine. I can't believe I deal with you. You're the one who doesn't text or call or even respond to it and that's bare minimum ___", he pondered and I internally rolled my eyes.
I was leaving on the weekend. I was always leaving. That's it. "I don't have to and I have a life Namjoon. I've been working non stop all this time. I don't expect you to understand", I said, standing up from my seat while I called for the head DOP from the walkie talkie.
"You don't want to be understood ___", Namjoon said, grabbing me from my arm and stopping me. He wasn't wrong. A few eyes snapped and I forced a smile immediately. "I like you, I like you a lot. Deal with it", he walked past me.
Deal with it.
As if.
Very abruptly, the last shot rolled in and it was over. The music video was done in a day. It was originally a two day sketch but we had to narrow it down to one day because of Namjoon's schedule and it was worrisome because it did seem impossible but things went smoothly and it was successfully over.
I told Jae Chan to wrap the filming site, though most of it was done while I was present. I picked my bag from a table to leave, kept right ahead from the vanity. Namjoon had left, I guess. I wasn't sure because after the last shot he was angry. He had his jaw clenched all that time, he barely managed to keep it out on the music video.
He was like this, his anger was pretty evident and that hadn't changed.
I like you. I like you a lot.
I couldn't wrap my head around that thought. Did he like me all this time? It sounded pretty crazy to me. I had never thought about anything with Namjoon. He was a friend I could like but I didn't, I had never expected anything out of my acquaintance with him anyway.
"You ate?", his deep voice made me look at him who stood at the steps of the vanity. He hadn't left yet.
"No", I said. He had changed into his normal clothes, the makeup was gone but he still looked great. His natural complexion was shining as the set lights fell onto his face. It made me surer how Namjoon needed someone who could be there rather then somebody who's never there.
"Come eat something", he said calmly. He looked much composed then before.
"I am not hungry", I stated just when he darted towards me. He held me by my forearm, dragging me into the vanity which was empty except for us. A few dishes were laid out on the table in front of the small couch.
"Eat and leave", he said, taking a seat on one of the chairs in front of the mirrors fidgeting with his phone while I quietly sat on the couch. I just wanted it to be over but I'd no appetite so I kept staring at the couple of Italian dishes which were pasta, carbonara I guess, rissoto and also jjangmyeong. "Just eat anything ___", he said, without bothering to look at me.
"I don't really have an appetite", I said, throwing my head back and looking at the ceiling of the vanity.
"What you've is a habit of skipping meals", he eyed me.
I looked at him. "Do you remember everything? Like literally everything?", I asked him as curiosity brimmed in my eyes.
"You don't?", he asked me back. "Well, for me, yeah I do. I did remember every thing but I should probably forget now. I didn't really asked to work with you because I wanted something but I can't say I didn't hope", he locked his phone and kept it on the space in front him. "I mean, we did had something. We did have something a few days ago. You can't exactly call me a friend and I've never seen you as one. The moment you walked in trying to fix the mess on the set since then till now I can't say I didn't hope you'd look at me the same way", he said, bringing all the memories back alive, but it was true, I never looked at him the way he'd wanted me to, hell, I couldn't believe it one bit. "It's true", he said, as if he just read my mind.
It was, it didn't made sense to me. How could he? Why would he? I uh, I think shit's wrong with me because even now I can't seem to focus on someone who confessed their feelings and that someone being Namjoon from all people.
I remember when I was one of the assistant directors under the director for one of the most low-key and low budget project. They didn't had many resources and our firm wasn't doing well either. We always had to come up with hacks, unknown locations for shooting...it was always so hard. We didn't had any respect in the industry.
It was two companies in one boat at the end of bankruptcy and we were so young and such good friends. I knew the rest of the members too but I kind of had a certain vibe with Namjoon. He could get me without having to speak.
I locked at him, his face was fixated on me and I could like him, in fact I did love him not romantically, I just did. I had a lot of love for him. He was caring for the people around him and I loved talking to him. He never once made anyone feel like he was a celebrity back then and a global celebrity now well yeah. He did deserve someone who could be here for him.
He stood up and walked towards me and my eyes followed him. He took a seat next to me and I could see he picked a bowl up but I didn't see which one because I couldn't stop looking at him. Namjoon took a significant amount and extended it to me and I looked at the noodles for a second and then at him. He just nodded and I ate it.
It was good.
"Thanks", I said, wiping the corners of my mouth with my fingers.
"Do you want me to feed you all the way or can you eat your own?", he asked me.
"I will eat", I told him and he gave me the bowl so I could eat on my own. "You ate?", I asked him and he instantly nodded.
"You're going somewhere, aren't you?", he asked me and I felt as if I've just been struck with something.
"Hmm", I said, my mouth almost filled. "And, I...I want to tell you something like adults and clear it. Namjoon you know my work and I am always not here, never. It's useless. Trust me on this, it's not like that but you know you'll need someone beside you and I can't be the one", I told him, calmly, before gulping water down.
"I know that but I'm okay with it. In fact, we would go hand in hand better because I can't take you out on exotic dates as well. This is what you get", he vaguely gestured at the vanity and I chuckled and he warmly smiled at me.
After a second, I spoke much seriously then before, "It will be hard and you know that. It'll be frustrating. You could hate me".
"If you've tired it with someone before, I am not exactly happy knowing this, but you shouldn't compare me with some random dude with a peculiar taste in leather clothing", he rolled his eyes, shifting his back comfortably.
"Hey! Don't be mean just because you see stuff on my Instagram", I scoffed and he maintained his long face.
"No really, what do you take me for? You think you won't have time for me? I won't have time for you", he went on.
"Namjoon", I dragged his name. His tendency to be sarcastic at odd moments is unmatched.
"Don't call my name like that", he stared at my eyes.
"Like what?", I asked him.
"Like you can love me", he said.
"I...you don't have to be like this", I said, keeping the empty bowl on the table.
"Give me a chance then, try it out. I would wait for you I promise", Namjoon took my hand in his and covered it with his warmth.
"Will I be able to...wait?", I looked away from him, thinking about it so hard.
"___ don't think too much. I promise, we'll be fine", he said, his hands travelling to my waist and before he could grab it. I screeched closer to him. I cupped his face and attached my lips to his, while his hands held on my body.
________________
My relationship with Namjoon was better then I imagined it. I tried my best to be there for him and he was surprisingly almost there for me but it wasn't exactly easy.
It was months and months of hardships and Namjoon was more needy then I thought him to be, he needed a lot of assurance. I don't understand the notion that he holds of everyone wanting me so he needs to be extra careful. I still don't get that his insecure ass doesn't trusts his own members, he won't let me meet them at all.
He was really different. He shifted from dominant to romantic in one second. I loved that. I kind of missed it so much.
He held my hand I could feel it by the way his skin felt against mine, he whirled me around and in a second his hand rested on my waist as he urged me to walk next to him. He was in a perfect disguise and I looked at him. I could tell he was smiling beneath his black mask.
"See, this is why I don't trust other guys! How could you let someone do this to you in the midst of the road in a foreign country?", he asked me.
"No stranger would confidently do this to anyone in a foreign country", I playfully hit him on his leg and he stopped, pretending to be gravely hurt. "I can't believe you", I looked at him as I went with his act. I supported him in standing completely. In a second, he intertwined his fingers with mine.
"I missed you", he softly whispered in my ear.
"I missed you too", I whispered back, softly. I pulled him in an empty alley and pulled his mask down. "I need you to do something", I told him, nibbling on his ear and I could feel my skin feel the heat that it yearned for since a couple of months before him going on tour.
"Right now?", he asked surprised.
"Yeah, right now", I said and I could feel him harden against my pelvis.
"You are...so, not right now. Let's go to your hotel room. I'm still famous", he pulled me closer and I chuckled. He turned me around, pulling his mask down, he kissed me hard. His mouth pressed against mine. I held him tightly and he gasped. "I love you", he softly said before pulling his mask up.
"I, you", I held his hand again.
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dark-muse-iris · 3 years
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Pardon me, but I was wondering if you're still writing or not in Tumblr. I forgot if I've seen your post stating you've stopped
Hi anon, thanks for your ask since it gives me a chance to recap:
I am still writing fanfics and other stories, however I haven't posted in a while due to a lot of personal issues since 2020 including multiple family deaths, losing my home, and new health issues. During the worst of it, I took an extended leave from Tumblr due to stalking and unkind mail that made me want to kill off all my characters out of spite. The post you saw, if it was old, may have been from that time.
I've recently returned to this platform at the urging of about....two friends. 😅 There's almost no activity here from what I can tell, as many of my mutuals have left or scaled back participation for different reasons. I don't think interaction will go back to 2019 levels primarily because I haven't updated and no one talks without a fic, really. I've posted a few personal things here and there in the hopes of finding a human or two to shoot the shit with, but I think most people who used to follow me and interact aren't around. I'm not sure. I get more interaction on Twitter these days, but I'm wayyy less filtered there.
All of my fics are still on AO3 and have been since about 2018, when I moved them over (link is in the description). I don't post my full fic text on here anymore because Tumblr developers put all their effort into ads despite being owned by a blog company.
I use Tumblr for the ask feature and the nostalgia of sharing gifs. I'm going to update my pages over the holidays so my Tumblr posts like the masterlist will be easy to access again. I considered doing it sooner, but with it being a ghost town now I didn't see the rush. It felt like creating work for myself when no one gives a shit, you know?
Usually I get these kinds of asks when someone is looking for a reason to keep following me. I'm afraid I don't have much to offer currently and feel badly for it. Entertaining a group of strangers on here requires reciprocation and lots of free emotional labor on my part. Giving my all to support others irl during the last two years effectively killed my muse and I'm trying to get her back, in any form. I'd understand if no one wants to stay and I wouldn't have any harsh feelings about it.
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xalmasyx · 3 years
Text
So I haven't really been that active here in a really long time so I suppose I should post an update of sorts.
I mainly bailed on Tumblr because of the p0rn purge and went over to Twitter instead where I could still relatively be horny on main, but I'd come back here every so often to read fics and reblog gif sets and what-have-you. In fact I was still actively writing in 2019, I had good juju and all that and at the end of the year I was accepted to write a piece for a DMC zine.
2020 started and shit pretty much hit the fan in my life.
On the 22nd of January I had to say goodbye to my best friend of 12 and a half years. My heart, my soul, and one of my many reasons for living.
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His health started going downhill in October, but Vergil was still in very high spirits and fought his hardest to get better. Episodes of geriatric vestibular disease can come on randomly and can range from just a mild dizziness to the point where they need assistance in walking. Vergil had the dizziness, his eyes would continually flicker and I just had to loudly telegraph my moves before he followed but we was quite happy to receive all the love and attention in the world from his mummy.
The second episode, not so much. The episode began mildly so we went off to the emergency vet to get the correct medication, but he was looking confused and even more out of sorts, didn't eat his dinner and so I slept with him that night and took the next day off of work. The next day his wellbeing just plummeted and he couldn't even stand. I would try to help so he could go to the toilet but he would just collapse and look at me sadly. There was no flicker of hope in his eyes at all and I probably spent about 20 minutes in my parents' backyard with him just sobbing until my mum found me.
Dad rang the local vet and organised for us to take him and I just sat in the back of dad's car cuddling Vergil all the way, telling him he was going to be okay and facetimed Tim so he could say goodbye.
I can feel the tears just coming relentlessly as I write this, it still feels so raw like it happened just yesterday even though over a year has already passed...
My dad and my brother were with me in the vet clinic to say goodbye. He lied there looking me in the eyes until his very last breath as I pet him and reassured him that everything was going to be okay and that I love him so so much and that everyone he ever met love him just as much as I do. He brought light to so many people and I'm just so proud of the dog he was.
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Ever since then nothing has been the same. While I did finish the piece for the DMC zine I don't feel any motivation to write even though the ideas are there in my head, I've pretty much shut myself away from all the Discords I was active on and I just don't feel right with being able to keep continuing on without him when he was such a major part of my life.
Tim has been incredibly supportive throughout all this and I can't thank him enough for being by my side when all I did was go to work, come home, binge video games and sleep. It's still sort of a routine now even outside of covid lockdowns but I'm trying to get myself out there again.
Especially when in October my family and Tim conspired to get me this little gremlin.
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Meet V, my currently 8 month old Jack Russel Terrier.
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As I get to this point of my post he is currently lying on my chest and trying to give me as many kisses as he possibly can, I swear I was trying to hide my sobs! He has definitely helped fill some of that void in my heart that Vergil left, and perhaps some day I wont feel such immense guilt about having to say goodbye.
I don't know if this big post will mean that I will be active on here or on Discord again any time soon, but I am quite active on Twitter probably because posts are limited to 120 characters and I don't feel any pressure in having to post anything long winded. My username on the Twitter is the same as on here, that's one thing that will never change.
I'll leave it at that I suppose.
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