#havent posted in this blog for even longer

[toffeeheart]

Lineart and flats under cut

[lucalicatteart]

cannot resist using the polls to make up a little collaborative story lol.. Not sure how much I can keep it up with my low energy/health problems lol, but I'll try to draw a new picture (+ write a small text blurb and new action options to vote on) each day based on the past day's results, at least for a while. Kind of like a 'sketch a day' type challenge, except story based with votes choosing what happens next. :0

[orcelito]

I am also devastated by the small ass fandom of Persona 3, gracious fanfic writers give me my Goro and Ken Half Brothers content PLEASE

Hfskhfnd it's so good!!! I've only rly read one fic with that au but Not Gonna Lie it was uhhh my lead-in to akeshu lmfao.

So like I used to be an akeshu hater, that whole business of "He shot him in the head!! How is that romance!!!" Which like still fair but also it's COMPLICATED and I love the drama. I played royal and grew so much more attached to Akechi, and the boiler room scene happened and I NEEDED to see more of the boy.

I avoided akeshu for the aforementioned reason BUT there was this Ken and akechi siblings au which I practically devoured. This being like September 2020. And it was Great but it Wasn't Enough so I caved and started reading akeshu fic. Realized I Really Liked It. Blazed thru like Everything that fit what I was looking for within a month And Then decided to write my own lol.

THE FIC IN QUESTION.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16933119/chapters/39786447

Is this one lol. Which if you've looked for Ken and akechi siblings content u Probably have seen it. I haven't read any of it since I first read it so idk what's in the recent chapters BUT. It ignited a love for Akechi in me that cannot be denied. Other ppl can totally check it out too.

[yourbleedingh3art]

I felt like i lost touch with myself for a week or two there randomly (when i was having struggles with my job and my car) but im feeling like im coming back to where i need to be. and i trusted that i would come back around.

[machiten]

thats my seat!

academic rival scaramouche x gn!reader headcanons

warnings: scaramouche(bro is a whole warning), foul language(it's scaramouche we're talking about here so), reader is mentioned to have bad eyesight, fights, angst, academic validation, bad parenting

barely proofread lmao im tired, it's 3:15 am and im starving. there will be a chapter 2 ofc i just wanted to post something goddamn my blog has been empty for so long (4 days) didn't have a way to keep track of the word count but it's kinda long. anyways hope u enjoy!!

oh god

when i say rival, i mean full on brawls on the school hallway

so let's say you've been top of your school since day one. your name has always been at the top of the score board every exam, always class representative, and well known as a smart kid ever since you steped on school premises.

you work hard to keep your grades up, your parents pay enough attention to your succesful brother and none for you

having a successful brother plants high expectations on you. i mean, he did very well, so why cant you? you both have the same blood running through your veins. your parent's praise, that is all you've ever wanted. and yet you're not even informed if there's a family outing, leaving you in your house alone

it has been like that for years

not until one day, you enter into the classroom and someone else is sitting in your chair. someone unfamiliar is sitting on your chair.

"hey, excuse me. i sit there." you pointed at what is supposed to be, your chair. "what, i dont see any names on it." Ok, what. when you finally look up to the culprit, my goodness. Fierce purple eyes that looks like it holds the entire universe, his skin as fair as a maiden, lips plum as a springs fruit, a beauty mark at the underside of his right eye, and his hair a unique color of indigo that is cut in a weird jellyfish-ish hairstyle. while yes, he looks ethereal, not gonna lie (if he had longer hair you might've mistaken him as a girl) his personality certainly does not match his elegance. an annoyed look currently adorned his face, as if you disturbed his peace.

"done checking me out? i know im hot, i get that look everyday so dont ever think you're special." and now it changed into a cocky smirk. the nerve! not only is he sitting on someone else's chair but it seems like his head is getting bigger too. "well excuse me, i havent seen your around school until today so im guessing that you're the transfer student our teacher talked about last week. but do you mind finding a new spot, i sit there." you glared at him.

"no i like it here. here's a better idea, why don't you find a new spot. im the new student here, show some courtesy."

"no- what, go away thats my seat!"

"alright everyone, settle down- oh, i see that the new student is here already," the teacher finally came in the classroom, cup of steaming hot coffee in his hand. Everyone sat down on their seats while you are still standing up waiting for this person to look for another seat. Lmao guess what, he didnt move.

"(name), c'mon sit down. i know getting a new friend is exiting but we have to greet the new student properly. now go find your seat."

"wait but sir--"

"sit down, (name)"

"yeah that's right (name), sit down" a voice beside you spoke. you looked over to the new student adorning a triumphant grin at your loss. and so you are now forced to sit at the back, barely seeing what's in front because of your poor eyesight, and wearing a vengeful spirit.

epic first meeting

the seats in the back are okay, its breezy and you now sit next to xiao (his music taste is so good) but yeah, you cant really see the board clearly so you get notes from mona at the front

at first, it was a one sided rivalry. how hated how rude and bratty he was and at that time, he didnt seem too care (like he get those everyday). but then he started fighting back and oh boy he hasn't had this much fun in years!

the way you retort back to his harsh words is so amusing to him. usually, no one would dare talk to him in a degrading manner but then you came into his life, claiming that he's sitting on your chair, and it was never the same ever again.

now, he looks forward to everyday. he rises up earlier so that he can sit at your chair first, he keeps looking at the classroom door everytime someone enters (in case it's you so that he can give that shit eating grin), he loves how your face gets messed up when he wins an argument, he loves how small your hands are compared to his when you have a brawl in the hallways, and most of all, he loves it when you give him the shit eating grin when you win something (he says he let's you win sometimes because he pitied you, but is it really?)

to him, this is fun, amusing, entertaining. but to you? you've never felt this much hate in a human being, ever.

scaramouche is smart as fuck and he demonstrated that loud and clear

he aced the math test that the teacher gave that wasn't even taught to him

in presentations, he speaks loud and clear and you can really understand the point he's making

he doesn't really like group works (you noticed) but if he was put in a group, he does most of the job flawlessly

sports? oh of course. he's really good at baseball (pitcher). he's also good at other sports but not as good as baseball

oh and pray that you don't get him as your opponent in debates, you will be grilled like a brisket

did i mention he sleeps in like 70% of his classes? it's not like the teachers can do anything about it. he excels in everything, at least let him sleep as a gift

the only times he would be awake is when he pulls on your strings

but of course, you're also good in all of these, that's why you both are rivals

you fight almost everyday for the top spot (and for your original seat) to the point where its a daily routine to everyone else to see you both pinching and arguing in the classroom

He doesn't have any close friends (ahem childeahem) and it's either bc ppl are intimidated by him or he just doesnt give a fuck about friends

maintaining grades is one thing, winning against him is another

you are very intellegent, yes, but you work very hard for your grades every night. losing sleep studying for upcoming quizes and making sure your projects are perfect. unlike him who doesnt even try

you havent seen him study once

and it makes you see yourself lower. you're both equally in par with your grades but thats when he doesn't even try. what happens when he takes everything seriously? what if he studies as hard as you do? where will you stand then?

but when you got 2nd place for the 3rd time this year, he took it too far

"what the hell?! this is the third time!" you looked at the results in the bulletin board expecting to see your name in first place. you studied hard, right? so then why,,,

"oh oops, looks like i did a little too well again this time. aw and i didn't even answer some of the questions because i felt bad for beating you the last two times." a snicker is heard behind you and sure enough, piercing indigo eyes is looking at yours in pure pity. "thanks i guess. are you happy now? that's three times in a row!" aether beside you is now having a deadpan expression, expecting the worst. 'alright here we go again'.

"oh yes very, you know what makes me even happier? your declaration that you're inferior to me. why do you even try anyways, it's clear to everyone that im better. you're just wasting your time burying your head in your books and notes when we both already know who's coming at the top. imagine not meeting your parent's expectations." he's now looking down on you, beating you up with words that you know damn well are true. but that doesn't mean you're not gonna fight back.

"what."

"oh you know, maybe if you tried harder, the cost of your education might be worth it for your parents. honestly, if i we're them id--"

before he could finish his sentence, a loud echoing smack is heard all across the hallway, making everyone's attention turn to the commotion. scaramouche head is now turned the other way, his cheeks beginning to flare from the hit as he glared at the culprit, you. "you motherfucking bitc-!" you tackled him and due to surprise, he fell back. aether is now alert, shouting your name trying to get you to your senses.

you gripped scramouche's collar, rasing his head from the floor and slamming it back down. "you're an asshole, you know that?! i try my best everyday and this is what i get?!!" he fights back, hand on your arm that's trying to get a hold of his hair and another on your neck, holding back your weight.

"you don't know what it's like!! you will never know what it's like being compared to your brother everytime they get a chance!! you dont know what it's like going home to nothing but words of disappointment when you did everything you can to get their approval!! you will never know what it's like for your efforts to go to waste!! you will never know the feeling of being kicked out of your own home and live in a run down apartment!! i work day and night, i lose sleep everyday, i barely have anything for myself to live, and now i have to deal with your ass every single day too?!!"

"(name)! calm down, hey-!"

"fuck off aether!"

every word you spat pricked scaramouche's heart and made him struggle from your assaults. this isn't fun anymore. he knew a bit of your situation, kazuha told him. but he never knew it was this bad. all he knew is about your parent's expectations. he didn't even attempt to fight back this time and just defends himself from your blows. 'shit, i took it too far.'

"you dont have to remind me of my incompetence! i already know, i know damn well i will never be enough!! you're right, why do i even try, right?! you're so fucking annoying, doing everything so effortlessly, like school is a nuisance!! can't i take a fucking break?!!" at this point, you cannot control your tears from falling into his cheeks, rolling down his porcelain skin.

"what are you--?!"

"why can't i be a genius like you?! why dont i have everything that you have?!! i did everything i can, what am i doing wrong?!" you are now saying intangible words that no one can decipher because of the mess of emotions you are feeling at that moment. you're about to deliver another blow when someone held you back.

"(name)! you're doing too much! thats enough!!" goddamn she is stronger than i thought, scaramouche deals with this everyday?? aether pulled you away from the tangled mess that you and scaramouche managed to create. you're struggling his hold but after a bit, you slumped down having no more strength to keep going, sobbing quietly. "...(name)?" aether said.

"...i am so tired of everything, why do i even keep trying. i.. i just want to make my parents proud..." sniffles could be heard from where you are being held my aether's arms. aether supported you from the groud and led you away from the scene and the prying eyes of other students. before you both can disappear completely, aether turned around and gave scaramouche a threatening glare. "i know you both bicker a lot but you took it too far. you are an asshole and you better change that attitude of yours or i will send you home even worse than your condition right now." and you both are gone.

scaramouche is still sitting on the floor, his arm supporting his weight, bruises are forming in his skin while he's craddling his cheek that is now very noticeably red and flaring from the slap you served him earlier. he doesn't know how to act, really. should he apologize? should he just walk away and like nothing happened? should he report you for physical abuse? he didn't know anything.

what he does know though is that he fucked up, big time. he knows that you'll never want to see his face ever again, he knows that nothing will be the same again, and he knows thag the feelings he has will never be reciprocated, after what he's done.

he actually just found out recently, when someone from the other class was making fun of you and he didn't like it one bit, he's the only one allowed to make fun of you, everyone back off. scaramouche can see the crowd dissipating, no longer interested since the main action is gone. he sat there on the floor the whole time, rethinking his life choices, wondering if he said things differently instead of those. would he be seeing you tomorrow? will you still argue with him about nonsensical bullshit? can he still hold your hand whenever you pinch him?

he heard footsteps and before he can look up, someone had smacked him in the head.

"what the fuck-!!"

"i want to say 'are you okay', but to be honest you kinda deserved that." a mop of ginger can bee seen hanging from someone's head.

"fuck off childe, and why did you smack me?!"

"because you deserve it. but y'know, it's nice having front row seats seeing you ruin your life because of that toungue of yours. aether's right you're an ass." he helped scaramouche from the floor, dusting his uniform from the filth. "ill take you to the infirmary." scaramouche can only nod, feeling lethargic after all that energy spent.

he hopes to see you the next day, acting like nothing ever happened.

part 2

[charliecuntcicle]

i wanted to do my own (much smaller lmao) version of the love letter to qsmpblr that everyones been doing

i took a massive break from twitch for a while from 2022-late 2023 so i didn't join the qsmp at the beginning. the first streams i caught were from purgatory 1 and you can guess how confusing that was lol. soulfire was my introduction to the qsmp which i guess is kind of poetic because thats mostly who i stuck with to this day.

tubbo has been my favorite guy to post about for the past couple months and as a tubbling since 2021 ill be continuing to follow him wherever he goes. ive been following charlie even longer so you can be sure ill be sticking with him too <3

i didn't start posting about qsmp for a while because at the time i was a purely dc comics focused blog so my first ever post tagged qsmp comes from december 26th 2023. so i havent been here as long as a lot of others rehbdsk

BUT even though i havent been here too long, i still have so so many positive experiences and i wanna acknowledge some key people who have made it super fun for me here

@qtubbo literally would not be here if it wasnt for you. you were one of the first if not THE first qsmp blogs i followed and your tubbo liveblogging saved me so many times as a pst tubbo viewer

@terezicaptor and @keirawantstocry THE GUYS EVER. i think youre the ppl on qsmpblr i interact with the most. oakley *grips you by the shoulders* you get it. you get it soooo bad. #toxictubblingstogether. and your art is sooo *chef kiss* jay your writing is amazing and you are so easy to talk to. your tina and quackity love is the realest thing ever. you both made me feel v welcome here and youre two of my fav moots so tyy <3

@ultra-raging-ghost the ghostie of all time. you are EVERYWHERE. i think youre secretly 5 ppl running 1 blog. you are insane in the most /pos way possible. could not ask for a better chat to be married to

@thesmpisonfire we have barely interacted but youre literally THE FUCKING GOAT for organizing language day and it would feel wrong to make an appreciation post without including you

@starriknight its always so so fun to see your name pop up 10 million times in my notifs <3 and getting to meet you properly and talk with you in the qsmpblr discord the past couple days has been wonderful

SPEAKING OF THE QSMPBLR DISCORD @sarcastictissy ty for making it and ty for staying so positive all the time its always really nice to see a positive spin on things <3

@tubborucho your post was the one that inspired me to make my version so ty ejcbhwdj and its always super fun to see you in my notifs

@qsmpbutwithsignlanguage its so nice to see another asl user here as i dont really get to meet many on the internet since its a visual language and youre always so kind ty <3

@royalarchivist THE FUCKING GOAAAATTTT!!!!!! i do not think you sleep but thank you for your service as the clip collector of all time

and im sure theres so many people im forgetting to mention but ty ty ty to everyone on here and everyone else on qsmpblr <3

[damnfandomproblems]

4814

Same... Ive gone through so many blogs on here trying to have a fresh start and give fandom another chance hoping if i just "do it right" ill have fun... But the thing is i havent been having fun in like... 8 years. Im only 20 and i remember the 20 year olds i followed back when i was around 12. I know fandom has been on the deline for far longer but atleast i was able to have fun then, bit now i look at the 20 year olds and teens of today and i just feel so... Depressed. Im constantly tired and no one is friendly or fun anymore. I miss the blogs where i could look forward to seeing post everyday and talk to and have fun with... But now everyone is so on edge and even i have trouble interacting with people on my blog or even posting anything cuz its just like "is this going to get me harassed today?" "Is this tame and acceptable enough to not get me harassed?"

Even though i know i shouldnt care its really just me not wanting to deal with unnecessary drama that could be avoided if people werent so stupid

Cant do anything without performative activists threatening to harass you and having the constant fear of what if someone is so deranged that this tiny little insignificant thing will make them decide to doxx me or something...

Ive noticed more and more how empty fandoms feels yknow? Kinda feels like a warzone with a lot of mostly abandoned and broken buildings. A community board here and there, some people loitering about and some hidden places that are really picky about who they let in. And a hell of a lot of soldiers (antis) who will come beat you up if you look suspicious, or they just dont like you for whatever reason... Thats really how it feels and it really sucks.

I want it to be lively like a giant ren faire, packed full of people and art and music and just fun in general. A place where we don't need to have a background check of every person we so much a look at in order to play hopscotch or something with them.

Posting as is.

[freckliedan]

omfg so im reading your linguistics paper rn and im at the part where you talk about how its taboo to post abt the vday vid or dailybooths etc. but i feel like the chains have loosened over the years so to speak? cuz like, on twitter people have just. posted full dailybooth screenshots, or reference the 2009 phan song all the time which itself refs vday. and im wondering if thats like, because the community had gotten smaller after the dapg hiatus that ppl were more lax about it, or if it felt like dnp were more lax about it, or if these are all younger fans who werent aware of this etiquette at all but since so many younger fans have been joining like post coming out they just dont see it as taboo at all? some self-policing does still occur, specifically w ppl reposting dans nakedbooths, but its def not the case of YOU HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY SILENT ABOUT THIS anymore. i havent even finished reading yet but im enthralled

OOH thank you for the question i have so many thoughts on this actually. (context)

i think there's multiple reasons why the taboo on discussing the vday vid & other deleted social media things has grown lesser? under the cut bc i got wordy.

partially i'd chalk it up to the change in phandom demographics. like, there's a way lower proportion of us now who were around for the direct aftermath of the first major leak in 2012, or who even were a part of the phandom when a majority of folks had been present for that. things were so bad and painful then & in the era directly afterwards! people still learn about that but the knowledge of how bad things got is always going to be different from the lived experience.

so that's reason one: i think that within the fandom the strongest emotional reaction to the existence of the vday video & deleted social media posts will always exist in ppl who were around in 2011-2013 & similarly deeply ingrained in folks who joined right after that in 2014-15. and i think there's still a lot of us but there's also just like.. so many less of us now, too. the vast majority of my mutuals from 5 years ago have abandoned or deleted their blogs.

i do think another part of why things have gotten less taboo is bc it's no longer something that has the potential to out dan and phil/how directly they've acknowledged the social media posts (& to a lesser degree the vday vid)?

like. dan literally used screenshots that he almost certainly got from the phan directory in basically i'm gay. they acknowledged that the manchester eye meant something to them in giving the people what they want/witl (watched them at the same time, can't remember which had that in it). i know they knew how people would react to them mentioning iconic teen dalien moments in the big wheel in the sims.

there's also the fact that like... angry phil DMs/copyright strikes are a thing of the past? i'm not going to tell people where to find the vday video but it's stupidly easy to locate on more mainstream platforms at this point in time. shit, that brings me to another point: fans who joined more recently weren't around for the era where blogs were getting taken down for what they were posting. another reason it's more chill now.

like, the openness of the secret is like, something that makes seeking out the taboo less of a thrill?

but on the other hand! learning in detail abt the vday vid and old social media posts is something i think people find less necessary now? that used to be the most concrete like... phan proof. proof they were queer. and now that they're explicitly gay and openly together to the degree that they are it's like. the value of the information has lessened.

to go in a different direction. i definitely wouldn't call it a formalized etiquitte that the youngun's just don't know, especially when it comes to the social media posts—they've always circulated and even 5 years ago when i wrote that paper they were more openly talked about even tho the vday video wasn't (though again: 5 years ago was still wayyyyy more lax than 2013/14).

ultimately there's always just been so much clout tied up to knowing about the vday video & social media posts? so even though being too blatant has always been a taboo transgressing that norm with skill has also always been a phandom value.

i'm not going to get too far into the ways that dan and phil's fandom literacy and the fan response of archiving everything play into things bc i think i covered that well in my paper but yeah!

i don't have a good conclusion but: less % of the fandom being present for the aftermath of dnp being outed by the leak + greater aknowledgement of these subjects by dnp + less value for the information in the vday vid & deleted social media posts = more casual attitude towards vday vid & social media posts and a healthier phandom overall

[wttcsms]

Hihi i saw ur request box was open & i just couldnt resist! A big confession to make here, uhh ive been such a big fan of u and yr writings and also u were the v first fanfic blog i came across a couple years ago so yea, u literally open my third eye to a whole new world of fics👉👈 🥺

i feel like you havent written angst in a while–and bc i miss ur angsty haikyuu fics– sooo could i request post-breakup college!au with atsumu or iwai (honestly anyone who'd best fit the scenario cuz i trust ur characterization👌) abt the aftermath of the breakup, them seeing us on campus and unconsciously following us with their eyes, reschin to help out on instinct only to realize theyre no longer together, thinking about what could've been just reminisce reminisce

ahhhh im sry honestly dont know how to expand more on the idea

thank you for stealing my ficvirginity😃

pairing atsumu miya x f!reader word count 2.1k content contains exes still in love, college!au, mutual pining author's notes hi <3 i remember you (eycee, right?). don't be a stranger! you can always dm me and say hello :) thank you for the constant support. not sure if this fic is angsty enough, but i wanted yours to be the first req i do <3

“Hi, welcome in! Let me know if— Oh.”

Your voice falters, recognition and maybe even something similar to embarrassment flits across your face, and a split second later, you go back to smiling like nothing’s wrong. Like the two of you haven’t spent the better half of this month actively avoiding each other at all costs, even though the sprawling acres of the University of Tokyo suddenly feels too small. The entirety of Japan has felt too small ever since it became his mission to never cross paths with you ever again. 

This mission of his started just a little over two weeks ago, on the very same day you decide to use his heart as your own punching bag. The worst part of it all, though, is the fact that he doesn’t even hold any type of contempt for you. It’s a cruel sort of joke; sometimes, Atsumu Miya feels like everything bad that happens to him is just some sort of sick punchline in a sitcom instead of real life. 

Usually, when girlfriends find out their high school sweetheart is going to be a wildly successful (and rich) professional athlete, they’ll do anything in their power to hang onto him.

You decided to snip the invisible string tying the two of you together, and you did it so effortlessly, so quickly, that Atsumu had to make sure that he hadn’t been imagining the last four years of your relationship. 

He’s got his hands shoved in his pockets, and he’s torn between staring at you like a total creep or looking at everything in the campus bookstore but you. He settles for the former, scared that this will be his last opportunity to really look at you. 

Neither of you is saying anything. It’s a Saturday and so no one else is even in the bookstore this morning, and Atsumu wants to say something, anything, but he’s never been that great at carefully picking his words, and he’s scared out of his mind that he’ll say something stupid and prove once and for all that you had been right to break up with him. Better yet, he wants you to say something. He wants you to give him a better explanation instead of the bullshit you told him in his apartment. 

We just want different things.

What does that even mean? He thinks he would have shouted out that question, if only your little break up speech hadn’t caught him so off guard. Different things? The two of you wanted different things? Sure, Atsumu likes to sleep in a freezing cold apartment, and you need the room to actually be at a reasonable temperature. And maybe Atsumu has a penchant for overly fried, greasy foods when all you want (and deserve) is a fancy dinner. Maybe Atsumu wants to be at a sports store instead of browsing aisle after aisle in Sephora, but he doubts these different wants have accumulated so much that you felt you had no choice but to break his heart. 

“Hey, Miya.” You say it softly, dropping the perky customer service voice you greeted him with before you turned around and realized who he was. And he flinches. He fucking visibly cringes at the way you speak to him, walking on eggshells and going back to formalities like he’s barely above a stranger to you.

Miya.

(Did you know that he wanted to make that your last name?

Do you know that he still does, even now?)

“Hey,” he replies back, curling his fingers into fists inside his pocket. He thinks his voice comes out all scratchy, like how it always sounds when you don’t use your voice nearly enough. He clears his throat awkwardly. Everything feels awkward; everything feels wrong. He says “hey”, but what he really means to say is please don’t call me Miya; you know the color of my toothbrush, you don’t have to call me Miya. 

“Were you looking for something?” 

You.

Subconsciously, Atsumu finds himself seeking you out. He walks by another girl on campus and almost breaks his neck with the speed he turns around to catch a whiff of the perfume wafting from her body because he swears it’s the same fragrance you favor. He walks by the building that houses all the classrooms for your specific major, even though it’s located on the opposite side of his own classes because he secretly hopes against all hope that he’ll run into you, and you’ll see him and fall in love with him again. He goes to the same restaurants the two of you frequently ate at together, and he orders your usual because you can never finish your entire meal and always have him finish off the leftovers for you (and the food is always good, but somehow it doesn’t taste the same when your utensils haven’t touched it first). And he doesn’t even need to be here, doesn’t even care enough about his stupid class to go out of his way to buy the study guide, but he knows you’ve started picking up the weekend shifts at the campus bookstore, and suddenly, he cares enough about passing to get the damn study guide. 

He shrugs. “Just some stupid workbook to study for an upcoming exam, but it’s not that serious.” 

“Oh. Is Dr. Furata giving you a hard time again?” 

“How do you do that?” Atsumu blurts out, wanting to kick himself for giving too much of himself away. You already own every centimeter of his heart and maybe his soul. You don’t need anything else from him; he’s almost certain there’s nothing left for him to give you, but he can’t help but impulsively ask the damn question that’s been running through his mind ever since you left him behind. 

Did you know that when you’re confused, your brows furrow together, and you get this adorable, endearing crinkle in between them? Do you know that he still finds that same expression as cute as he did when you still called yourself his girlfriend? 

“What are you talking about?” 

How can you just stand there and act like you never crushed his heart? How do you wake up in the morning and not feel like your life is missing something important, like you’ll never feel whole again? How can you keep him wrapped around your finger, and then have the audacity to not even realize it? How did you let him go so quickly? 

Practicing caution, he swallows hard before clarifying, “How do you know everything?” Because if you can act like he’s just a polite acquaintance, like he’s nothing more than another fellow classmate, he can try to play pretend too. He can act like there’s not enough history between the two of you to fill up every damn textbook in this stupid store. “Yeah, Dr. Furata’s been on everyone’s ass. Somethin’ about midterm grades being worth a quarter of our overall grade.” 

“Believe me, you’re not the first victim of Dr. Furata’s to come wandering in the store. I think I have a few more of the workbooks he suggested in stock. Let me go check.” 

It’s instinct at this point for Atsumu to just follow you. If he uses his imagination, it’s almost like he’s back to browsing in a makeup store, walking aimlessly in every aisle, following you loyally because he’s happy to have you lead the way and he doesn’t care where he ends up, so long as you’re there with him. 

But this isn’t an afternoon date with you. This is him following a bookstore employee. After you find that study guide, which is really nothing more than his flimsy excuse for seeking you out, you’re going to ask him “card or cash?”, ring him up at the register, and he’s going to walk out that door and have to act like he’s still not in love with you. All the while, you’re doing fine. You’re fine right now, and you’re going to be fine when he leaves, and you’re probably going to be fine, five years down the line, when you’re happy with someone else and Atsumu is alone because in this little hypothetical, he still hasn’t gotten over you.

He is trailing behind you in this bookstore, and your back is facing him, and he’s panicking because he doesn’t think he’s capable of not loving you. 

Just two weeks ago, you knew him better than anyone else in the world, maybe even better than Osamu, perhaps even better than he knows himself. Now, you just give him a polite smile as you grab the small stool to reach the books located at the very top of the shelf. 

“God, I hate the way we organize everything in the store.” You say, lightheartedly complaining. He knows you do. He knows because he’s known you for nearly a decade. The two of you have grown up together. You made this same complaint sprawled out on the couch in his apartment. 

When he doesn’t reply, you look down to see if something’s the matter, only to do it too quickly that you find yourself losing your balance. Before you can come crashing to the floor, Atsumu is quick to catch you, and you pretend that his protective embrace isn’t comforting. You pretend not to notice that he’s wearing the cologne you bought him for Christmas last year, and you continue to pretend that you don’t miss him at all, that you don’t still love him. 

And for a second, the two of you both pretend that you’re still with each other. That it’s perfectly okay to savor this intimate moment, that his arms wrapped around your body right now isn’t awkward in the slightest. He’s staring at you with a sort of starstruck, boylike wonder, and it’s so familiar, so sweet, because it’s the way he always used to look at you. His lips part slightly, like he’s about to say something, and—

The loud ring! interrupts whatever moment the two of you are sharing, and you nearly jump out of his arms. You hear the distinct footsteps of another student, and you adjust your shirt before remembering where the two of you are — what the two of you are. Not a couple. Barely even friends. Just a bookstore employee and a student that needs a book. That’s all the two of you are allowed to be.

“I should probably go check up front and make sure they don’t need any help.” You tell him, biting down on your lip. “Anyway, did you need anything else, or would you like me to check you out right now?” 

He blinks a few times, as if still in a daze. “Uh, yeah, sure.” The tips of his ears are flushed a light pink. “Y-yeah, I’m done here.” 

The two of you practically race each other to the front of the store, and you step behind the counter to scan his workbook. He drums his fingers, looking around the store. When he’s nervous, he likes to be moving. You know this. 

Just looking for an excuse to use his hands, Atsumu mindlessly picks a pack of gum off a nearby rack and slides it towards you so you can also scan it. You know you shouldn’t say it. You know it’s supposed to be a clean break. Instead, you tell him, 

“Actually, if you want, I have the fruit variety flavor.” 

“Huh?” This catches his attention. 

You reach into one of the boxes that have just been shipped to the store, rummaging through a tiny one before revealing a shiny, new package of gum, this one advertising all the flavors based on tropical fruits. “Would you rather have this one?” 

“Oh, yeah!” As if truly forgetting what the two of you actually are (exes, strangers with too much history, two people still pretending like they’re not in love), his eyes light up. “How did you kno—” He doesn’t finish the question. He knows the answer to the question. 

You’re quick to finish ringing him up, the “polite strangers” illusion being completely shattered. It’s obvious, really, that there are always going to be parts of Atsumu that still live deep inside of you. You can only hope that this isn’t the case for him. 

You hand him the bag, and when he grabs it from you, your fingers just barely graze each other’s. Atsumu is scared — scared that this might be the last time he ever feels your touch. 

And because you’re a glutton for punishment, you find yourself telling him,

“Don’t be a stranger.”

You can’t tell who’s more devastated: you or him.

[mediumgayitalian]

Warning, annoying question.

Is there any chance there is more road trip au or modern courting coming soon?

If you have already said this I am so sorry.

not an annoying question!! people asking about my wips is very validating actually it helps me rememver that people aside from me care about them. here is the thing:

multi chaptered fics are hard for me.

i get a lot of ideas all the time. most of them are short. i do not often have the patience to write longer stuff, even tho i rly rly rly want to. i need to be gently bullied. on my last big writing blog, i did this weekly thing -- on tuesday i would put out a poll with all my wips on it (well, most; at the time of doing this thing i had too many wips for the options lol), you guys would vote for the ones you want to see updated most, and on wednesday i would get the results and post that wip on wednesday. thus wip wednesday.

i havent done that on this blog yet bc i only have like six wips, which as i type does in fact seem like a decent number, and also im not sure?? if that would be presumptuous?? so.

it would be, so far, for the following wips:

the capture the flag one i started forever ago

the royal au

the naomi fic

modern courting

new rome?? fic

road trip au

so i would put them all in the poll. anyways. let me know!!

[bxngthedoldrums]

a petekey reading of so much (for) stardust

aka you knew i'd do this aka i didnt take four literature classes in college for nothing aka make sure your tinfoil hat is SECURED to your noggin aka dear lord forgive me for committing sins of petekey in the year of 2023

look. i have to do this or i don't deserve this blog. amen

~ love from the other side

okay. yea, immediately the "you were the sunshine of my lifetime" thing is sort of sus, because we all know pete wentz and anytime sun or summer is involved it's Something. this is solidified in "summer falling through our fingers again" in verse 2, but it's interesting that he uses "ours" in this lyric bc i feel like recently most of pete's summer lyrics have been pretty self-inflicted. it's impossible to not note the whole "inscribed like stone and faded by the rain" in the bridge v. "the tombstones were waiting" line in bang the doldrums. i shant even elaborate u can pick up what i'm laying down!

~ heartbreak feels so good

i think this song is pretty light on petekey imagery but "light from a screen of messages unsent" kinda reminds me of "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" in ginasfs but i could be reaching for Sure. let's be real that's all i do

~ hold me like a grudge

honestly i think this is one of the worst petekey offenders on the album. this one had me gawking at my screen as i read the lyrics. "thaw out my freezer burn feelings for twenty summers" ??? be SERIOUS pete... "part-time soulmate, full-time problem" yeah I GET IT I GET IT !!! the whole thing reeks of 2005 summertime fling

~ fake out

"do you laugh about me whenever i leave?" bonkers ass line,,this reminds me of pete's lj writing in those years after 2005,,,"my mood board is just pictures of you, but i'm not sad anymore" YEAH. this is SO pete holy fuck. that classic wentz obsession,,"we did for futures that never came and for pasts that we're never gonna change" this line's got me on the fuckin FLOOR. also classic pete!!! his perchance for nostalgia is just insane and he really feels it huh

~ heaven, iowa

i dont even know how to get into this one. "kiss my cheek, baby, please/would you read my eulogy?" SICK and TWISTED evil!!! evil!!! "i will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me" jesus h christ the melancholy is off the charts but holy fuck this song is so,,,tender? i dont know wht to say but i know this was written w summer of love intention. i know this in my heart. "scar-crossed lovers, forever" OKAY I KNOW !!! this song is DEVASTATING verse 2 is fucked UP and the bridge is too!!! "closed my eyes inside your darkness and found your glow"???? i cantr og on

~ so good right now

i can't really discern any particularly petekey lyrics in this one right away but the whole "i cut myself down to be whatever you need me to be" is pretty fucking wild

~ i am my own muse

there's some really sad lyrics in this one ab the whole future-not-going-as-planned thing that comes up so frequently in pete's writing but honestly the whole "let's twist the knife again, twist the knife again like we did last summer" thing made my head explode. every lover's got a lil dagger in their hands!!!

~ flu game

im not gonna sit here and type out ths whole fucking song but oh my GOD bro. this song to me is a really nice callback to pete's older style of lyricism but that comes with the self-deprecation and all the other really sad shit. it's beautiful! it's horrible! i love it!!! its about mikey i cant even pul out a few lyrics just LISTEN

~ baby annihilation

another fucked up one that literally anyone else in fob should have vetoed but OKAY?? "time is luck and i wish ours overlapped more or for longer" MAN SHUT UP. "self sabotage at best, under your spell/but you know what they say, if you want a job done right, you gotta do it yourself" ..........dude. if you're like me and you've poured over pete's oooold lj posts from the mid 2000s you already get it, but if you havent,,,go do it and get back to me bc this is TOO MUHC im unwell. "what is there between us if not a little annihilation?" i think i hauve covid

~ the kintsugi kid (ten years)

this song is really fucking sad actually. there's so much fear of being forgotten on this album and it's showcased really beautifully in this song,,,mayhaps not the most obviously petekey song but god damn

~ what a time to be alive

this song's about covid and quarantine n it's pretty easy on the whole suffering from a fling in 2005 thing! good job pete and fob

~ so much (for) stardust

this song is kinda suspicious but there's very few lines that really solidify it as a petekey song,,, altho "i think i've been going through it, and ive been putting your name through it" is a really interesting lyric. and OF COURSE, "in another life, you were my babe/in another life, you were the sunshine of my lifetime" happy xmas war is over

[bathroomtrapped]

ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

[agaypanic]

important announcement!!

hey bbg!!! there's gonna be some changes with this blog, so i thought i'd make a post about it

im about to start work soon!! idk if im working part time or full time, but either way, it'll take up a good portion of my free time. therefore, fics will likely take a lot longer to write and be posted (longer than normal anyway whoops)

also, my birthday is this week, and next week ill be out of town on a lil bday trip. so there will be a couple days that i wont be online (except to shitpost probably) and therefore, not working on requests

so yea, if you thought that i took too long to write/post before, you're about to be extremely disappointed lol but i promise that ill still be working on requests, along with my own personal writing projects. it'll just take even longer than it used to for me, but i hope yall understand :))) if you wanna keep up with my work, feel free to follow if you havent already. and if you wanna see posts that arent fics, feel free to send me asks or something

also if anybody has any tips to overcome writers block i would GREATLY appreciate it, ive been struggling the past couple of days lol

[official-osha]

alright, so im gonna continue to be less active on here for a while - probably. we'll see. explanation of things below the cut. its long and rambly im typing this up at midnight in between discussing saw with someone sorry

im at a crossroads with this blog. i feel an expectation to live up to the OSHA thing, and i want to, but also... i want to continue offy's story, and roleplay.

theoretically, both could coexist, but i know the larger part of you all dont care about offy very much, and i feel deeply embarrassed when i do roleplay because of this. i appreciate the following i've amassed, but it's... a lot. and i'm tired and busy.

i haven't felt motivated to roleplay like i used to here for pretty much almost two years. the OSHAverse is pretty inactive these days. and i don't know how i want to close out offy's character arc.

diving into the roleplay thing more - i started this blog when i was a mentally ill 14 year old going into public school for the first time since the first grade. a lot of offy's earlier interactions and behavior reflects this, because i projected onto them and used them as a way to vent. i'm deeply unhappy with how i used to write them. if i could, i'd reboot them, but with the OSHAverse being the way it is... that's not easy. i'd have a hell of a lot of people to have discussions with, some of whom i haven't seen roleplaying in a year or more. and because the organizational system on my blog is a fucking nightmare, that adds another layer to the mess.

so im faced with a few decisions: keep going even though i really am unsure, move offy and their roleplaying onto another blog, or just do a mass retcon on this blog.

as to why i havent made another blog for roleplay in the first place - tldr i like attention. longer version is this has always been a roleplay blog so if you remove that its like. alright. what am i doing with myself now. i have all my followers here and shit, and i also value audience participation in offys story [even if i uh ... dont make it easy for you guys to participate]. but at the same time, i know you people arent here for roleplay. also im unfortunately deeply aware that a large part of the site considers the OSHAverse cringe

ill probably make a poll sometime in the future to see what the people want, if anyone has input they want to offer now itd be appreciated. no matter what though, the blog will stay up if i dont get any copyright infringement notices or anything. if anyone has a link to one of those mass taggers that would allow me to tag a post that comes from a specific date or earlier itd be appreciated so i can tag older posts.

[glibribsart]

Hi this is jermie!

You may know me from my OCs, or my xiaolin showdown fanart from back then, or maybe my homestuck fanart, maybe even my Steven Universe art? 🤔

I post (mostly) commissions, my OCs, and fanart for various things. I will post gore art and non-explicit erotic art, be warned !!!

Personal blog

KO-FI | PATREON | INPRNT

YOUTUBE | DEVIANTART | TWITTER

WEBCOMIC (discontinued) | TOYHOUSE

CARRD

Please do not repost my art without my permission!

Read below for more info ( credits, bio, tag system,)

--------------------

Credits : Please put visible credit on your page if you'll be using my art as an icon, blog background, or header.

To use my art in a video please ask for permission first, after I've given you permission you may put credit somewhere in the video or video description.

--------------------

BIO

March 7, 2001

he/they

Philipines, I speak Filipino and English

I use Clip studio paint pro (since September 2020, previously used firealpaca). My drawing tablet is XP-PEN deco 01 v2

Yes you can draw my OC’s please just tag me in the post.

I have a job outside this, and typically have multiple commissions on queue; I take AAAAAGES to finish one commission. If you're interested in getting one you can email me at: gewmieboy@gmail.com

Stuff I like: Jfashion, cartoons, cats, funky earrings, dolls, breakfast food, cakes, video essays, queer themes, sensuality, undead ocs, drag makeup, making lists!!!

--------------------

TAG SYSTEM

- I tag things by character and series ! (sample: pearl, steven universe)

- NECROMIMESIS tag is for the characters I made for a webcomic idea I had when I was 16 (includes characters like tom, vince, hagne, reggie, nyc, etc.), the comic is discontinued, I’m no longer interested in making a webcomic.

- OC tag is for original characters unrelated to NECROMIMESIS, BUT.. I havent gotten around to fixing it yet so at the moment it’s clogged with necromimesis art (sorry)

I also tag general triggers like gore, blood, body horror to be safe.

other tags:

MY GIFS (short animations n such)

TRADITIONAL ART

ORIGINAL (stuff thats not related to any sort of media, i keep forgetting this tag exists so theres only a few posts under it)

COMMISSIONS

[nuo2x2]

late summer station Taken by nuo2x2 with Galaxy A51

not gonna sugar-coat anything this time, other than my yearly busy summer, this year I’ve been struggling and fighting with personal+mental problem all summer… yeee, been busy alright, went several countries, multiple cities, meeting so many peoples, yet… I do have a rather heavy problem throughout this summer, something that might be a curse for me loving summer so much

intergalactic station Taken by nuo2x2 with Galaxy A51

hard to explain, but I called it a hanabi or fireworks complex.. you know hanabi or fireworks right? you waited and prepared for it excitedly, got super happy and awed during the amazing show, yet it didnt last long… and soon after, everything went quit and silent… that would totally illustrate my summer experiences this year…

getting new hope, having crazy adventures, experiencing a feeling that I havent felt for so long, and being NOT lonely for once! everything was happening so fast!!! July to August were the time when everything was so HYPED, was super excited and happy for once!!! yet… as they said, easy come, easy go… at the end of September, it seems all the happiness and good things suddenly stripped away from me… like never even happened, and im still trying to digest that fact now.. so yeah, much like hanabi huh?

from a crazy quick lay-over in Akiba, about 2 hours only,

to finally able seeing the fabled Kyoto’s Evangelion base,

to midnight exploration on ancient temple in a mountain side......

………to finding a giant Tachikoma in a sleepless night deep inside Yokohama after missing my train, lolol

aint saying not grateful or anything, those amazing things sure is a permanent memory for me, something that will be a permanent thing in my life, but it’s just… I do hope it will last.. then again, my fault to even dare hoping then, hahah… heavy… but yeah, maybe that would be a good experience for a summer lover dude like me, all happiness come only during summer, dang… heavy..

not even sure what gonna happen after summer 2023, what would the future brings me… and honestly, it’s quite scary… for once, kinda afraid… really afraid… yet for now, just trying to continue living

composure Taken by nuo2x2 with Galaxy A51

one thing for sure tho, it’s getting colder out there… autumn sure is coming… much like how I feel inside, hahah, and boi how I missed all of 2023 summer experience and personal happiness I had… if only it could last…

summer dusk Taken by nuo2x2 with Galaxy A51

ahem, if you looking for my regular toy posts and reviews, I’ll be pushing my summer content a bit longer till early October 2023, no worries! I just need to… vent all these frustrations, hahah… and yee, this blog would be the perfect place, since none of you even read my blog anyway, lol! just need a safe heaven to place this here, just for my personal reminder of this one crazy summer of 2023