#haz//bin//ho//tel//

[maladyinpink]

🔊 RAINY DAY SOIRÉE ♥︎♠︎- Haz/bin Ho/tel Wav - ♡-Day Special

Projects will always be strictly AI FREE.

Hi All!...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! I'm nervous as hell but excited to share my first wav, this Established Husker/Dust Special, with you guys! ART PAGE/MAKING OF

RAINY DAY SOIRÉE - An/gel Du/st comes home from the studio in a hellstorm to find poor Hu/sk, snuggled up with Fat Nuggets and coming down with a cold in his muzzle. The spider affectionately takes care of his bartender beau, but not without catching it himself...Lil vignettes of Husker/dust's shared sick day and soft caretaking.

CW: Long depiction of shared illness, breathy vocal build-ups, loud deep cold sneezing, contagion, higher pitched cold sneezing fits, snotty/honked nose blowing, dry coughing, snzart visuals, blessing, kissing, emotional comfort, spoilers for the Great Gatsby and lots of fluff.

Script, if you guys want to read along, is below...Enjoy!

~ Love, Pink

♥︎♠︎ - Rainy Day Soirée - Script.

(Scene 1 - ANGEL DUST enters the front door of the Hotel in one of the Pride Ring's thundering hellstorms under his Pink umbrella. It's early evening and the lobby is suspiciously empty.)

ANGEL: *Shudders* It's wetter than dick out there!...Shit…Hello? Anybody home?

(Hanging up his coat, ANGEL heads upstairs and unlocks the door to the room he shares with...)

ANGEL: Husk…Honey?...You in here?-

(He's greeted by Fat Nuggets! The hell-hog scampers off the bed and across the floor to see his Daddy at the door)

ANGEL: Hey! My Sweet Boy!...Lookat'chu Bastards, you an' Papa havin' a snuggle, without me��Traitors.

(Yawning deeply, HUSK is still waking up, grumbling to himself about being woken up by a pig and stretching just like an Old man should. ANGEL coos to Fat Nuggets.)

ANGEL: Uh-Oh…Did we wake Papa?...Yeah, we woke Papa…(then to HUSK) Hi, Baby.

HUSK: (Just noticing his partner, tilts his head) Hm- Hey Legs…Damn, y'home early?

ANGEL: Yeah, just pick up shots today (Not really, by pick up shots, he means his scene partner picked him up and pinned him against the wall, he doesn't want HUSK to worry though.)

HUSK: (always concerned when it comes to the studio, but doesn't want to press ANGEL) Oh…um…Y'okay?

ANGEL: (Can't lie, sadly, but tries to reassure) Just uh…the usual...B-But I'm okay, m'fine. (Starts to laugh and ramble)...Actually, it was kinda funny…Long story short, the last scene- Val wants to get the climax again…and again…AND again. What a set of pipes on the poor motherfucker, screamin' to high heaven!...But, uh- Val got called into a meetin' with Vox, thank god…Shoot got cut short an'...Well, most workin' wanted to head home before the storm got bad…

(He trails off...Usually HUSK would respond somehow...ANGEL notices HUSK scrunching up his muzzle and squeezing the bridge of his nose with two fingers, as if he's in pain. He tenderly approaches.)

ANGEL: S-shit…Are you okay?...You ain't lookin' so hot.

(HUSK waves ANGEL off)

HUSK: M'fine…S'just a headache…

ANGEL: (know's he's been given bullshit) N-No No, there's somethin' else…Whaddya not tellin' me…Whaddya hung over?-

HUSK: HUH'ETSH'SHOO!

(ANGEL startles at the intense sneeze and Nuggets squeals, running under the bed. HUSK sniffles and wiggles and clicks his muzzle.)

ANGEL: Jesus!...Honey?! What the fuck was that?!

HUSK: (out of breath, and a little flustered.) Whew, Sorry…'Scuse me…Didn't mean to scare ya.

ANGEL: Next time warn a gal…It's just, heh-…Y'never do that…Come to think of it, I don't think I've heard ya so much as sniffle before?

HUSK: W-whaddya talkin' 'bout…Everyone…(Trails off) S-s-s…..sn-...Sneezes…

ANGEL: (scoffs) Yeah?...Not like that…

HUSK: HEH'ISHH'HOooo!

ANGEL: (starts laughing and mimics Husk's low growly sneeze) Achoooo!

HUSK: Oho! Y'think that's funny?...Laugh it up, Smartass…L-laugh…Hhhh- Goddamni-EH'RTSH'SHOO!...Motherfucker.

ANGEL: (still laughing, but sympathetic) It's…a little funny….Bless you!..H-honey, are you okay?

HUSK: Figures…Now I'm gettin' a cold, now that the seasons pickin' up.

ANGEL: Aww, my poor baby...That's why y'closed up shop so early, huh?

HUSK: Charlie said I was lookin' a lil…hhh… hhh...Peaky…Shit wasn't my choice.

(HUSK lets out a raspy sounding cough and leans back to monstrously sneeze again.)

HUSK: AH'RKK'HOOO!

ANGEL: Ah, Salute! Here…Blow the Thompson on the end of your face hon. (He offers a tissue box from the nightstand)

HUSK: …Thank you baby…(into tissue) AH'ITSH'IUUU…Ugh, Christ…

ANGEL: (unable to keep from laughing, lovingly mocks again with similar inflection)...B-B-Bless you!

HUSK: Very funny Ange…Real fuckin' hilarious…Alright, C'mere y'little shit!

(HUSK starts to tickle ANGEL's arms. The couple both start laughing.)

ANGEL: No!...No…I'm sorry!…H-Honey that tickles!...

HUSK: (growls playfully) I gotcha!

(Both laugh)

ANGEL: Husk!...Husk, Uncle!

HUSK: (listens, satisfied) Hm…That's whatcha get sweetheart.

ANGEL: (fondly) You're a sadist…M'sorry y'sick honey… (leans down and plants a kiss on the top of the cat's head, then notices a book in his paw) …Hey, whatcha readin'?

HUSK: …Gatsby (The Great Gatsby by F. Scott. Fitzgerald)

ANGEL: Ooh, t-that one…Uh…(suddenly a little embarassed, nervously laughs)...Y'know, s'funny…I ain't never read it?

HUSK: Sweetheart, you've never read The Great Gatsby?

ANGEL: I know, I know…S'crime against literature or somethin'...Y-you tell me, if y'think I'da had time between all the heists n' highs for a few chapters

HUSK: Y'got time now, don'tcha? (Sniffles) Why don't we read it together?

ANGEL: (hopeful) Really?

HUSK: Yeah!...I mean…I've read it a hudred times, but….I'd love to see it through your eyes.

ANGEL: Alright, babycakes…But uh, blow y'muzzle first, I can hear ya, gettin' all stuffy.

(HUSK honks a hefty blow into a tissue. Key word being honk.)

ANGEL: Alright, Mother Goose! D'ya wanna start the story or should I?

HUSK: I ain't got the energy to put up with this shit, dickhead…

ANGEL: Alright, Jackass! I'll take care of it, just listen to the Soothing sounds of my voice...

(He clears his throat and starts the book.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 2 - The next time we see the pair…It's the next morning. ANGEL is in bed and is woken by a loud nose blow and growly bellowed sneezes coming from the bathroom. ANGEL stretches and cranes his neck to look at the bathroom door.

ANGEL: (called out) Bless you!

(The bathroom door opens and a pathetic looking bartender enters, looking exausted.)

HUSK: M'sorry, did I wake you?

ANGEL: Oh baby, nonsense!...You can't help that. You're sick….(clears his throat, still waking, hesitates to ask)...Uh, how's the head?

(HUSK just deeply coughs and raises his eyebrow at the wording. Anyway, ANGEL already knows the answer.)

ANGEL: Y'know what- …don't answer that, uh…I'm gonna go downstairs an' make us some tea.

HUSK: (childlike, pleading eyes)...With bourbon?

ANGEL: (Agreeing) With. Bourbon.

(ANGEL fiddles with the kettle in the kitchen, filling it up with water, putting it on the stove, turning on the burner…He feels something creeping up.)

ANGEL: Heht'ktsh'iew!...Damn…Niffty needs to dust 'round here.

(He hears the door creak open and feels something ELSE creeping up. Needless to say, it's not HUSK.)

ANGEL: Oh, honey?...It's okay, I got it under control you can just go back to bed.

ALASTOR: …Are you quite sure?

(ANGEL startles and rolls his eyes once he sees ALASTOR, but politely replies and resumes watching the kettle.)

ANGEL: Yeah...G'mornin' to you too, Al.

ALASTOR: My my! Someone's broadening their palate!...It's rather funny, usually you'd be schmoozing a mimosa out of our esteemed bartender…But here you are! Making…what smells to be a morning cuppa of chammomile- Or a double. How domestic…What's the occasion?

(ANGEL keeps his reply short, cold and brisk. He's never liked how AL treats his boyfriend and knows AL probably already is well aware, but wants the satisfaction.)

ANGEL: Well our esteemed bartender is playin' hooky today, he's got a real bad cold…(then realizes he can use this to his advantage) Y'don't wanna risk gettin' it Al, y'should probably keep away…like far far away.

ALASTOR: (Sees right through) Come now Angel, you can rest assured that I have no desire to hang around such pestilence. But I also trust that you'll inform Husker of his responsibilities and how he'll be making up for lost time…(He presses the laugh track on his staff)...I must say, I never took you as the caretaking type.

ANGEL: (Ignores the bite, sighs fondly) Well, someone's gotta take care of the big lug…(then bites) Lord know's you won't…Eet'Tschuu!

ALASTOR: (knowingly) Well! Seems as though pot just met kettle, and with that, I'll be on my merry way…(darkly) Seems as though disgusting affections are in the air…among other things.

(In an instant, AL leaves and the kettle begins to screech. ANGEL growls to himself in Italian.)

ANGEL: Stronzo di Fragole!…Hhh…Aat'tshew!

(Back upstairs in ANGEL's room, ANGEL sets the tray with two mugs and another box of tissues down on the bed and sits down.)

ANGEL: (tenderly) Here ya go, Babycakes. Careful, it's hot.

HUSK: (coughs sleepily)...Thank you, Sweetheart.

ANGEL: D'aww, you are welcome!...So uh, where did we leave off?

HUSK: (coughs) Page 41, the big party.

ANGEL: Okay…'I believe that on the first night I went to Gatsby's house'-…'Scuse me…Sorry…Heh…Heh…Ih!…Ihh'eck'iew!...Heh'ish'uu!

HUSK: (chuckling) Uh-oh…Bless you!...Tissue?

ANGEL: Yeah I'b…I'm fine, Honey…Thanks…(tries to start reading) 'I belie- (sputters and coughs)...

HUSK: (gently) Are you okay?

ANGEL: (insistant)…I'm okay! 'I believe that on the first night I went to Gatsby's house…I believe I was-' (takes a deep breath, he is feeling awful and…is about to sneeze again)...Shit-

HUSK: (worried) Angel?

ANGEL: Eh…Eh- Sorry, I'm…I'm godda sneeze!...IT'Tshuu!...Its'Shhh-Oh fuck me sideways!

HUSK: Bless you…Are y'sure you're okay?

ANGEL: I'm fide?….heh…I'm fide.

HUSK: (smirks) Uh-huh, okay…5…4…3…2-

ANGEL: ahh'eeehhhehh'heh!-...ISH'UU!...aghih hhhdihh…ICK'HIUU!

HUSK: Bless you, Sweetheart.

ANGEL: (long sniffle, finally admits)...Baby?...I think I'm catching ya sniffles.

HUSK: (sarcastically) Really, y'don't say?…

ANGEL: Hht'tsh'iuu!

HUSK: (chuckles fondly)...Bless you…Y'know, this isn't how I imagined we'd spend our first day off together.

ANGEL: (coughs) Me neither…(blows his nose) Thought we'd have a glamorous date…Night out on the town…Er- somethin'...

HUSK: Well, we can still do that…With Daisy, Nick an' Gatsby…What's more glamourous than a grand soiree?

(ANGEL blows his nose again, a loud honk)

ANGEL: (sarcastically, glumly) Oh yeah, Honey…Real Glamourous.

(HUSK tries to think of a way to cheer up Angel and gets an idea.)

HUSK: Hold that thought…

ANGEL: Husk?…Whatcha doin'?

(HUSK gets up and starts to mess around with ANGEL's record player. Looking through the collection of vinyls, he finds one that they'd both enjoy. Glenn Miller's 'Chatanooga Choo Choo' starts playing and HUSK starts to sway and kick his feet a little, then does a little Charleston step.)

ANGEL: What are you doin'...Are you…dancin'?

HUSK: Eh…How's that for Glamour?…'Scuse me, sir?

ANGEL: (laughs) Who me?

HUSK: Couldn't help but notice…Y'seem a bit…sniffly-

ANGEL: (still laughing, loving this bit) No shit, it's your fault!

HUSK: -But otherwise…Absolutely beautiful. I'm a bit sniffly myself…(feigns surprise) We have so much in common!

ANGEL: (laughs) Y'so cheesy...

HUSK: I would love nothing more than to dance with you…Whaddya say?

(ANGEL gets up and takes HUSK's arm, joining the bit as they begin to sway gently to the music)

ANGEL: Well sir, I'd love to…But between you an' me?...Keep this on the downlow, Y'don't wanna let my grump of a boyfriend know that I'm dancing with such a gentleman.

HUSK: Well, I dunno this fella…But if he's doin' anything right, I think he'd just be happy to see you happy.

(The two dance and sway in their pajamas for a while, wrapped in eachother's arms)

HUSK: One…Two…-....Hhhh

(ANGEL notices HUSK's twitching and hitching and offers to help.)

ANGEL: Honey?...Y'okay? Y'need a tissue?...A tissue?

HUSK: AH'ICKHH'HIOOoo!

ANGEL: Yeah, that's what I thought…Bless you Ol' Man.

HUSK: Uhhh….Th- Thank-....Tha-...uhh'ITSH'hooo

ANGEL: Salute, Mio Caro…Here.

(HUSK takes the offered tissue)

HUSK: (stuffily) Thank you baby…(he coughs amd hitches as another big painful sneeze is coming)...HEHRK'HOOOOOOO!

ANGEL: (clicks his tongue, sympathetic) Bless you!...I think that's our cue to get back in bed baby.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 3 - Hours of reading later. The couple has reached the big twist of the heightening drama of the book. Daisy Buchanan was the one driving the car that hit Myrtle Wilson. Jay Gatsby, who's in love with Daisy, will take the blame. ANGEL's heart and weakened immune system cannot take this.)

ANGEL: (floored, heartbroken) Husk…No…No, it was Daisy?!

HUSK: (knew this was coming) Daisy was drivin' baby...

ANGEL: No!...She did it?...N-no!...Fuck no! (Throws the book) Goddamnit! (A coughing jag starts)

HUSK: Easy!...Easy, Jesus Christ…Breathe, baby, breathe…Are you okay?

ANGEL: (carries on) An' he's just gon' take the fall for her sorry ass…Oh my god! (Way too into the story.)

HUSK: (laughs a little at his partner's passion) I know…I know-...Shit Angel are you cryin'?

ANGEL: (He is. Emotional, sniffling)...S'just so fucked up.

HUSK: Easy now…I know…But that's the beauty of it…ain't it?

ANGEL: (crying, looks up, confused) B-beauty?...Of someone bein' a selfish bitch an' ruinin' lives?

HUSK: Nah, Ange, The beauty of the story…is in it's honesty…Shows us the darker sides of love…An' how far an fucked folks'll get protectin' it.

ANGEL: (quiet) Husk?…Husk.

HUSK: What's wrong lovebug?

ANGEL: (sadly)…Would you do that for me?...Would ya..t-take the fall?

HUSK: (nonchalantly) Hm, probably.

ANGEL: Even if it meant…everything?

HUSK: Lookatcha!...Y'gettin' all existential on me!

ANGEL: M'serious!

HUSK: (looks ANGEL in the eyes, with utter conviction) If it meant, keepin' you safe, keepin' y'by my side…Then yes…

(HUSK feels ANGEL's breathing start to hitch as he holds him)

HUSK: Alright baby…Quit cryin'...(Notices he's pulling away and fanning his face and grabbing a tissue)...Oh…O-oh, are you okay?

ANGEL: (breathlessly) No!...N-No, I'm gonna sneeze!...Itsh'uu!...Eck'hiiuu, Ehhhishhh'shuu!...Heh'rkk'kiew! (Groans) Oh go-...Irrkk'hew! (Gasp) Heh'Ihhk'hew…Eh…Ehyiiishhhiew!...

HUSK: Bless you, Bless you- Bless you!...Holy shit, Ange! …Fuckin' Shit! Aww baby…Shhh, Breathe baby.

ANGEL: ….Hhh….Aacksh'IEW!...(groans)

HUSK: (chuckles) Bless you!...Y'always sneeze like that?

ANGEL: (sniffles) Like what?...(realizes) Oh, I'm sorry! (Coughs) Not all of us start a damn natural disaster every time the pollen count goes up.

(HUSK belly laughs, ANGEL's jab was...pretty fair enough. HUSK's laugh trails off into little coughs and grows a bit raspy.)

HUSK: (lovingly firm) Alright, blow your nose.

(ANGEL blows thickly and groans)

HUSK: There y'go…Feel better?

ANGEL: (tired from his emotional burst and his sneezing fit, he deadpans) What do you think?

HUSK: (not really bothered by his partner's moodiness, but calls it out anyway) Damn, you're startin' to get a lil bitchy.

(ANGEL is too sleepy to argue with this, so he lays down and pulls the blanket up, snuggling into HUSK's side.)

ANGEL: (quiet)…Gonna take a nap.

HUSK: (coughs) That's a brilliant idea, Sweetheart…

(Nuggets comes out from under the bed and paws to be let up. HUSK pats the bed.)

HUSK: Well, c'mon!...Get on up, here.

♥︎♠︎

(Scene 4 - Another few hours later…a knock at the door wakes the couple)

ANGEL: (grumpily, sleepily, stuffily)...Hm, Who the fuck is that?... If anyone tries to enter this room with me looking like absolute shit…I will not hesitate to shoot them.

HUSK: (yawns, sleepily and raspily) S'okay, Ange, just stay in bed…I'll get it.

(HUSK coughs a jag into his arm as he answers the door. ANGEL lets our a rough Aagh'ish'hew!, and Nuggets greets Princess Charlie Morningstar behind the door, who's carrying a large thermos and still dressed in her pajamas.)

HUSK: Sorry…Hi, Princess.

CHARLIE: Holy shit…You guys sound awful (coughs roughly a little herself...revealing the bug is clearly going around)

ANGEL: Hell, you ain't sounding much better, Toots.

Charlie: (In-denial, laughs) No!...I'm fine- I'm fine, Angel…Nothing to worry about! Vaggie is downstairs with something nasty…So I'm gonna go take care of her, BUT I brought you guys some chicken soup, I hope you enjoy it!

HUSK: (smiles sincerely and takes the thermos) Much obliged…Thank you…(then looks doubtful) Are you sure you're okay?

CHARLIE: (giggles again, still denying) No! I'm fine! I'm fine guys, I- Hh! HEP'PTSH'SHIEEW!

(CHARLIE inherited her Dad's tendency to occasionally become a...flamethrower when sneezing. Tends to get worse with a cold. Her demon form is out. ANGEL, HUSK and Nuggets stare blankly, a bit scared.)

ANGEL:…Bless you.

HUSK:…Bless you.

HUSK: (quietly to ANGEL) I didn't jus' hallucinate, right?...Fire came out her nose…

ANGEL: (quietly back) Dunno, y'talkin' to a former crackhead, if anyone's hallucinatin' it should be me…

CHARLIE: Eh…Heh…Ih…IPTSH'SHIEEW!

ANGEL: (Gently, firmly, big brother energy) Charlie…Dollface?... Y'takin' care a' everybody…But don't forget to take care a' y'self. (as Charlie coughs, ANGEL melts and invites her in for a hug)...C'mere.

CHARLIE: (Emotional)...Oh, Angel!

ANGEL: (waving her off, still a bit nervous) Yeah, yeah… Just do me a favor? Try not to set me on fire?

(HUSK joins the hug, wrapping his wings around the three of them.)

HUSK: C'mere, kid…If you tell anybody about this…I will gut you like a fish. (No real bite)

CHARLIE: (beat.) Thank you guys…Um…Vaggie and I are gonna watch some movies in the lobby, if you guys wanna join us, you're free to!...And if you need anything, give us a holler- Well actually, don't do that- Save your voices…Okay, bye!

(Door closes)

HUSK: Could be fun…It'll help distract from your…existential dread.

ANGEL: (coughs) Hey, fuck off!...Anyway, I have a better distraction…

HUSK: What?...(realizes and stiffens) No!...No. Are- Are you really feelin' up to that right now?

ANGEL: (pouts) C'mon Whiskers, don'tcha want me to…feel better?...(muffles a stuffy sneeze behind his hands) Ktsch'yew!- Oh my god…

HUSK: (smirks) Need a tissue?

ANGEL: (sniffles) I need…YOU, Baby! Besides, didn'tcha know that the Pentagram's leadin' scientists and' medical professionals say 'Sex is good for a cold!'

HUSK: (contemplates, then smiles slyly and inches closer) Well…Then I guess we gotta do what we gotta do…For science.

ANGEL: (smiles back, sniffling) That's right, we're just doin' this for a good cause…In the name of 'Science'.

(They melt into an embrace in a slow passionate kiss.)

ANGEL: ...I love you

HUSK: ...I love you too

(ANGEL's nose gets brushed and he pulls away to harshly sneeze, and looks up apologetically)

ANGEL: ...Aack'shew!...Ugh sorry.

HUSK: (tenderly) Bless you, Sweetheart.

♥︎♠︎ - è finito

The end, hope you enjoyed!

[snzysimper]

Merry Christmas All!!

I’ve wanted to write a Radio/dust fic for a while but never had any good ideas. Thankfully some anon hate given to @hehkshew was just the creative spark I needed!!

Merry Christmas friend. Together we can keep Radio/dust from dying!!

Haters gonna hate

1400 words

| I am allowed to write what I want and would appreciate you keeping whatever rude comments you have to yourself |

Angel Dust and Alastor. Not two names you often hear in the same sentence together. At least, not in a positive way. Most of the time the two are seen going at it with each other. Angel makes some sort of sexual comment and Alastor says something smart back. Angel always has to have the last word which leads to it dragging on for quite some time.

This of course is in the presence of others. Behind closed doors things are much less…hostile. Their relationship is a bit complicated. They are dating but are more of each other's “boyfrienemys”. In the end there aren't any hard feelings.

Not everyone is quite so fond of their “special” friendship. Charlie was ecstatic to hear that the two were getting along. Vaggie on the other hand, while supportive, was mildly annoyed that two of her least favorite people in the hotel could now team up to drive her insane. Husk was indifferent, Nifty didn’t really care and Sir Pentious…well, he was dead. But that’s not important. This isn’t about him.

“The fuck do ya want Al?” Angel is met by his antlered friend outside of the porn studio. The deer flashes his usual smile. “I was sent by our lovely princess to come and retrieve you.. Is that such a problem?”

Angel rolls his eyes. “I don't need a personal escort just ‘ta come back from work.” Nonetheless, the spider follows behind his partner.

On the walk back, the two make casual conversation. The two almost seem to be enjoying each other's company. “Don’t touch me.” Alastor glares at his companion. Angel Dust playfully pokes his cheek. “Aww, don’t be like that Al.”

“Why can’t you learn to keep your hands to yourself?”

“Oh, trust me. People pay the big bucks for me to put my hands all over ‘em.”

“Repulsive.”

Angel makes a kissy face. “C’mon baby, lighten up.” Alastor growls. “I suggest you remove your hand if you wish to keep it.” The spider proceeds to ruffle the other’s hair. “Be honest, y’know you’d never do that ta lil ol me.” Alastor rolls his eyes. “You’re lucky I care about you,” he says in hardly a whisper. Angel mocks the deers radio voice. “You’ve heard it here first folks, the Radio Demon has a heart after all!!”

Alastor wouldn’t be caught dead saying the ‘l-o-v-e’ word, let alone in the presence of others. “Shut up.” Perhaps they aren’t both enjoying each other's company after all.

The clouds turn dark and cover the sky. A light drizzle becomes a downpour within a matter of seconds. “Ugh, shit.” Angel turns to notice that his “personal chauffeur” is nowhere to be found. He stands in the rain briefly, looking around in every direction. “Al?” He soon finds him under an overhang. That cheeky bastard. “Oh, yeah. Don’t bother takin’ me with ‘ya.” The spider hurries over to the deer.

“Thanks asshole.” The deer laughs. “You’re welcome my dear.” Angel groans. “I fuckin’ hate you.” The deer sustained minimal damage from the rain, meanwhile Angel is drenched. He does his best to shake some of the excess water off of his fur. “Watch it,” Alastor puts his arm up to shield himself from the flying water droplets.

It doesn’t take long before other sinners join them underneath the overhang, seeking shelter. “It appears we may be stuck here for a bit.” Alastor looks up at the dark, cloudy sky.

Angel can’t help but endlessly complain. “I fuckin’ hate this. I’m cold, wet and exhausted. I worked all damn day. I just wanna crash in my room and not wake up till tomorrow.” As he keeps complaining, Alastor gives the occasional “Mhm” to assure his partner that he is listening and offering moral support.

“Perhaps if you didn’t wear such little clothing and covered up a bit more you wouldn’t be in this predicament.” Angel raises his fist. “Why I outta-!!” The deer closes one eye, the other’s cornea turning black. “I wouldn’t try that if I were you.” Angel groans. “Oh fuck you.”

Angel suddenly turns to his boyfriend, almost in a fit of rage. “Wait, can’t you just use your voodoo magic shit to teleport us back?” Alastor grimaces. “I’d rather not risk overshooting seeing as the hotel is quite the distance away. Especially in the rain.”

“Besides, I’d rather the two of us not be seen so closely together,” Alastor quietly hisses at Angel. Angel crosses his arms. “You and ‘ya damn ego. Are you really that ashamed of being seen with me?” The deer looks around before leaning towards his companion. “Not specifically you, although it certainly doesn’t help considering your…profession.”

“Oh, fuck off.” Angel shivers, wrapping his arms around himself. “Fuck it’s cold. How much longer we gotta wait here?”

As Angel continues complaining, he suddenly inhales sharply, his head leaning back slightly before jerking forward and bending at the waist as he sneezes. “hH’EhT-kKT’shUH!! ” He groans as he rubs his face. “Motha’ fuck’a, I swear to god if I’m gettin’ sick I’m gonna fuckin-hHI’ETDd-Zziew!! Ugh, fuck.” Alastor remains silent, seemingly ignoring Angel’s struggles and misery.

Alastor pulls a handkerchief from his coat pocket. “I would appreciate you keeping your germs to yourself.” Angel laughs, accepting the handkerchief. “Aww, you worried bout me antlers?” The deer growls, a warning for him not to push his luck.

Angel takes a step back. “Ok ok, calm down. Geez.” The two sinners seem to be particularly enjoying themselves. “Looks like the porn star finally found someone who thinks he’s worthwhile.”

Angel rolls his eyes, sniffling. It’s hard for him to roam the streets unrecognized. If he’s not being cat called then he’s being thrown a derogatory comment. “Assholes,” he mutters to himself. Considering his job in the porn industry, he’s used to people only caring about him for sexual benefits. Thankfully enough Alastor couldn’t care less about using Angel for sex.

Alastor can’t help but notice Angel’s mild change in demeanor. “Just ignore them, dear. They can’t hurt you if you don’t let them.” He remains facing forward, not making eye contact with Angel or the other sinners.

“Aww, how cute. Is the big bad radio demon trying to make you feel better? Can’t even stand up for himself. No wonder he’s the sub.”

Alastor’s eyebrows furrow slightly. He generally wouldn’t give it a second thought but something about seeing Angel’s face hearing the insults makes him mildly annoyed. “I’d refrain from antagonizing him if I were you. It’d be a shame if it were to escalate unnecessarily.”

“Al, don’t. It’s fine. I’m used to it anyway.” Angel doesn’t sound so much hurt or offended as he does pissed off. This only fuels the fire.

“Yep! Keep telling yourself that! You can’t really think that Alastor of all people would give two shits about you. If you can’t keep an average sinner around, what makes you think you can win yourself an overlord?”

As if almost natural instinct, Alastor casually empales both sinners with a black tendril. They are flung off to lord knows where.

“Oh, damn. Uh,” Angel watches in awe. He’s not quite sure whether to feel touched or terrified. Either way, he blushes, smiling. “Thanks for that, smiles.” Alastor sighs. The two are now alone under the overhang.

“Don’t let them get to you. They know nothing about you or who you really are.” Alastor looks almost embarrassed as he says this. Angel laughs. “Wow, you’re bein’ bold today, ain’t ya? Complimenting me out in public. Damn, maybe you really do have a heart after all…hH’EKk-DdsHIE’uUh!!”

Angel sniffles as he rubs his face again, this time with the provided handkerchief. Alastor sighs. “Come on,” he removes his coat and drapes it over Angel so it acts as an umbrella. “The sooner we get back, the sooner you can dry off.”

The spider laughs. “Aww, you sure are bein sweet to me. You sure you didn’t fall an’ hit your head…II’Hh-GgsSh’EUGH!!” He grimaces, clearing his throat quietly. “Ow…”

Alastor begins walking. “I assure you my love, I am quite alright. You on the other hand won’t be if you are out here much longer.”

Alastor promptly takes Angel by the arm and continues down the sidewalk. Angel blushes. This is about the closest they’ve gotten to holding hands in public. And probably the closest they’ll get for a while.

Angel sighs, smiling. “Thanks Al.”

“You’re welcome, Angel.”

[secret-explosion]

Headcanons of a sick or sneezy V//ox? 🥺

Sorry for taking so long to get back to this!

I have a feeling his sneezes changes as the decades went on. When he first came to hell and had a 1950's style TV, which was much more prone to overheating and overloading. Plus, there were not as many reliable vents. Hence, when he sneezed, it was so violent that this man used to blow a fuse each and every time. This was especially a problem when sick. Try as he might, that head of his just wasn't made for quiet sneezes nor the ability to hold them back. Tired of being black screened and useless until someone replaced his fuse, he decided it was time for some adjustments.

He tinkered throughout the years until eventually he had a much more efficient screen, volume control, and a better ventilation system. With Filters! With fewer allergens to make him sneeze and a reliable control of volume, he was now a master at stifling! With a few nearly imperceptible sneezes, the allergen is out of his vents and off to bother someone else. However, with all the adjustments he made, he is more computer than TV; leaving him much more susceptible to accidentally downloading viruses. On top of it all, he still runs into the problem of blue screening when caught in a particularly bad sneezing fit nowadays

[sweetlysniffly]

I’ve been on a huge VoxVal kick recently, and I’ve also been yearning for some “faking it” content cause it’s one of my favorite tropes but I never run into it

So Val is feeling very deprived of attention from Vox, he’s just too busy for him these days. He’ll try to make a pass at dinner, over the phone, wear tighter clothes or less clothes around, but nothing is getting his attention, it’s all “not now’s” and “I’m busy’s.” 🫩😔

So Val thinks back, when was the last time he got Vox’s true undivided attention. It was…last week when he was examining final cuts of his upcoming releases, and Vox couldn’t stop staring at the nurse role play film he shot. Every-time Angel sneezed, Voxs eyes grew increasingly fixated and his face grew even more flushed. Even if his sight wasn’t the best, Val was great at noticing things.

So, he calls Angel to ask for whatever the hell kinda substance they used on that shoot, calls his makeup artist in, and blows his hair drier on high in his own face for like 25 minute.

Vox walks into their shared loft that night, and as soon as Val here’s the door shift he takes a bit of powder in his nose, wraps himself in a blanket, and lays down in bed. He can hear Vox put down his keys and walk around, but he’s not even calling out for him 😡🥺. As the powder kicks in, he lets himself build up the most languid dramatic vocal, teasing sneeze he can.

That certainly gets Voxs attention. He hears him approaching the bedroom doorway and starts pretending to shiver under the covers.

“Val?”

Val allows himself another sneeze, a little less loud than the first, but still whiney. He sniffles and sits up, wrapping the blanket around himself.

“Voxy! You’re back.”

“I…uh-“ Vox swallows. “What’s going on-“

“I don’t know, cariño. I was fine this morning, but all of a sudden I started feeling so achey and cold, and my…my” he’s playing it up, cause if Vox recognizes that he’s faking it, he’s gonna get a show. He fans his face, building up vocally like he trained Angel to do for that film last night week, sneezing high pitched and lingering on the “choo,” giving a little moan after.

“Mm. Perdón. My nose won’t leave me alone. Come to bed, mi amor. I’m so cold.”

He can see Vox’s eyes settle in the exact same way they did before, lazed focused while his screen flushes. He takes off his shoes, his jacket, his shirt, until he’s wearing nothing but his boxers and socks.

Vox places a hand on Val’s face. “You do feel a little hot.”

Val cuddles up to him. “Not as hot as you, warm me up baby.”

Val can heel Voxs dick through his boxers. He’s got him right where he wants him. One more good sneeze should do the trick. His head tilts back, but before he can let go, Vox places a finger just under his nostrils.

“Ah ah ah. So needy. Wait till I let you.”

This kinky bastard, Val thinks to himself. But he’s got his undivided attention, so he’s gotten what he wanted. His nostrils flare, his breath hitches, but he’s not one to beg. He fans his face in the way he noticed Vox likes, while his TV man snatches a tissue with his hand. Val moans out tiny little closed mouth whines to entertain his lover. Vox switches his finger for the tissues and lets Val release the itch.

“Blow, baby.”

As he blows into the tissue, Vox sighs with his eyes closed. “I don’t feel good, Voxy,” though his smirk communicated otherwise.

[oh-no-my-hand-slipped]

Hi! Could I request some Alastor from Hazbin Hotel snz art please?

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve done a full piece like this! Thank you for spinning my long dormant wheelhouse!

While Alastor doesn’t get “hoarse”, per se, he does have a lot of static in his voice, and at times he can sound far away or garbled when he’s sick. He also doesn’t have mucus, of course, but leaks black oil.

Rosie is the ONLY one who can take care of him when he’s sick, since she’s the only one who knows how to treat him (she’s had a lot of practice through the years treating his many wounds from fights over territory).

[maladyinpink]

I CONCUR 🍷TIS AN HONOR...(tag and credit tho)

reblog if you’re okay with people writing fanfics of your fanfics and/or fanfics inspired by your fanfics

[maladyinpink]

🔊TENDING THE BARTENDER ♥︎♤ Haz/bin Ho/tel Wav

AI PROJECTS WILL ALWAYS BE STRICTLY AI FREE

Thank you for your patience everyone, after the long wait. Here is the next wav in the series! (the eighth in listening order). I would have had it up yesterday, but I fell asleep on my keyboard 😬 Anywho...I hope all my fellow Husker/Dust fans enjoy! And SPECIAL THANKS to my beta readers @zensations35, @themiseryandcompany and @very-freakin-effable for cameo-ing and voicing my very Irish, disgruntled bar patron. Much love to you all.

Format is a little different this time, guys, bare with me ♡

TENDING THE BARTENDER: It's early spring in Pentagram City and one of Angel's rare days off from work. After a shopping spree and a lovely walk with a happy piggy, he returns to the Hotel bar to find Husk in an...itchy situation.

CW: Allergic Fittish Cat-like Sneezes, Loud Sneezes Come later, Adorable couple antics, And...a song...hehehe

TITLE CARD

Script is below, enjoy!

- Baci, Baci, Pink

(It's early spring in Pentagram City and one of ANGEL DUST's day rare days off from work. He's decided to spend part of the day shopping, with Fat Nuggets in tow on his leash. It's late afternoon/early evening and they've just made their way back up to the Hotel's front gates and courtyard.)

ANGEL: Fat Nuggets!...Was that a good day?

C’mon sweetie!...C’mon...Do you have to sniff every tree?...EVERY fuckin’ tree?...Wanna pee on the bush? Alright, pee on the bush (he sighs as Nuggets rustles through the bush and does his business) Alright…C'mon ya little bastard, I got dinner duty  tonight!…Yeah, c’mon… G-Good boy…Yeah, you're so goo-…Oof, Hey! ‘Scuse me, asshole!

(A bar patron has stormed out of the lobby into the courtyard and nearly runs into the pair.)

PATRON: Bloody abysmal! Can't get one lousy drink…What a fuckin' schmuck!

(ANGEL winces as the patron storms away and realizes that something must have happened) 

ANGEL: ...Yeesh, that don' sound good…C'mon, Nuggs…Let's go see 'Papa' the bar.

(ANGEL opens the door and enters back into the lobby with Nuggs.

HUSK: (mutters angrily to himself) The fuck do I care? Make y'own drink...Ain't in the mood f'jack shit!...Come to m’bar and fuckin’ yell…

 ANGEL: …Hon?

HUSK: ( growls, startled, his ears pin down, sputters uncharacteristically)…Angel?…m’Sorry, …y'know I'd-…I jus’...Uh… shit.

(ANGEL can tell by now when his man is going through something and knows the old defense mechanism like an old friend by this point. He doesn't take it personally.)

ANGEL: (tender) Hey…S'okay…We was just out shoppin' an' we was just checkin' on you…Someone got a new sweater an' wanted to say Hi to Papa. Say Hi to Papa!…

(ANGEL giggles and waves Nugget's little hoof and Nuggets gives a happy little oink.)

HUSK: (grumpily, deadpans)…Hi, Pig.

ANGEL: (fat-nuggets/baby voice, then falls out of it.) Heyo, Papa?...Is you angy?...Is you, havin' a bad day?... Did somebody go an' piss in y'flask?...Like uh, seriously who are we killin' tonight, honey? 

HUSK: (sighs) Nah, it ain't like that…don' worry 'bout it…Jus’ another shit day…

(HUSK sniffs)

ANGEL: Husk?…Have you been cryin’?

(HUSK looks up at ANGEL like he’s grown two heads)

HUSK: …M’fine.

ANGEL: (gestures at the tissue box, jokes) Well, don't tell me are for jerkin’ off behind the bar?…

(this earns him a growl)

ANGEL: (catches himself)…Sorry, I know…not in the mood.

HUSK: (reiterates)…M'fine…hhh..Heht’kmtch’choo!...Hitschtt’schoo!...Htschh’Schuhh!

(HUSK writes in his notepad, rustles through his stock and counts, hitches and stifles a few sneezes, these ones quieter than his usually loud sneezes, Angel casually acknowledges and blesses the first one, until he keeps going, a bit fittishly, like a stressed cat, Husk rubs at the bridge of his muzzle and sniffles.)

ANGEL: (sympathetic) Uh-oh, Bless you!...Aw, Papa's sneezin'...You don't...got a cold now, do ya?-" 

HUSK: (he clears his throat, tries to gain his bearings, his tone is firm) No…Nahh…ehht'khtxhh! Tchscht’shhuhh!

ANGEL: …Ain't nothin' if ya was…We took care a eachother last time, remember?

HUSK: (he starts to warn)...This ain't like last time…Ehht’chhu!...Tsht’iihhh!...

ANGEL: (undeterred) Well yeah, for starters, why're ya pinchin' y'muzzle like that? That sounds like it hurts…(hears another big stifle) Aww, y'wings are shakin'.

HUSK: (shakily) I'm Fihhne!...eTtschhht'tdiiew!

ANGEL: …Bless you!…That don't sound fine.

HUSK: (Bites) Christ! Ange, I don't have a cold! I'm fuckin' doin' fine...Now leave me be...'fore I bite ya head off.

ANGEL: (Bites back, mutters) Alright y'big bully, I'll leave y'be…Jesus, thought we were past this…You ain't gonna push me away like 'at. Heaven forbid, I should worry about my man, an' wanna take care a' his sorry ass.

HUSK: (softens, sighs tiredly, closes off.) …M'sorry, Sweetheart…Don' worry bout me, you-...Look, it's ya day off…jus' focus on you.

ANGEL: (scoffs, petty)...Really?….Tch, well then, if you'll excuse me...I, Angel Dust...am gonna make MYSELF...a cuppa tea...with honey…and a lil' liquid courage…I don't suppose you want any...Fat Nuggets? It's so chilly outside, ain't it little man?...

(HUSK mutters to himself and scratches and lets out another rough cat-like sneeze, as ANGEL is talking to Fat Nuggets and goes to the kitchen about stupid feathers and how itchy he is blowing his muzzle into his last tissue, sadly sighing. He continues to take inventory, and scrubs and sniffles his snout. ANGEL comes out of the kitchen humming with two mugs filled with tea and some clinking spoons in each one.)

ANGEL: There we go, one for me, and one for my boy, now where is-…Ah, there it is! Good ol' Jacky D!…You know what, Nuggs?...There's some real drama queens 'round here.

(He unscrews the top off the whiskey bottle and pours in a splash into each mug)

 HUSK: Hm, Drama queen is right…

ANGEL: …An' you know...Nuggs…Some of them folks is real stubborn...an' forget that they deserves a bit of TLC too from time to time…

(ANGEL stirs each mug. Nuggets silently watches and blinks.) 

ANGEL: Yeah, I know, right?...But, Che Cazzo! What can ya do...when you love 'em?" 

 S'why you gotta keep remindin' them that ya there, ready to love em, an' take care a' them, even when they're bein' all grumpy and stubborn...

HUSK: Tschtt!...Tsscht’iew!...Heh’EhK'eww!...HAHK’HOO!...HRRRT’SHEW!

(As HUSK sneezes and the fit gets harsher, his wings flap and flutter, shedding a bunch of red and black feathers. His tail flicks up and comically kinks up at each big sneeze.)

ANGEL: (gently) Salute…Salute…Salute, baby. Here.

(He slides 'Nuggets' tea mug directly in front of his partner. HUSK holds a claw under his nose and sniffs, embarrassed.)

HUSK: (quietly behind his paw, but very grateful) …Uh...Much obliged Ange.

ANGEL: (knowing, tender, huffs a slight smug laugh)…Y'welcome.

HUSK: (as if admitting)…I know you care...You know, I-…I still ain't used to that shit.

ANGEL: Well, I ain't usually playin' nurse either. But that's what partners do, right? …We take care'a each other at our shit lowest. 

HUSK: (chuckles) You ain't exactly Florence Nightingale, Sweetheart.

ANGEL: Maybe not, but I'd look damn fine in her corset, Eh?...Y'want a hanky?...Give y'poor schnozz a hoot…

(HUSK takes Angel's offered handkerchief and sniffles, his wings flutter out and we hear some scratching and he lets out another big AHT'SHEW!.)

ANGEL: There y'go! (he mimics his gruff boyfriend's loud sneeze lovingly) Achoo!…Now tell Nurse Angel what's gotcha all ruffled up.

(HUSK finally lets out a huge loud allergic fit that he’s clearly been holding back. This one sounds like the sneezes that ANGEL has grown used to.)

HUSK: (muffled) HEHGH’SHUHhhh…ERRTTSH’SHUHhhh…ERRTTSH’ScHhOOooo…

ANGEL: Bless you…Bless you…After you finish…doin’ THAT.

HUSK: (muffled)…AHRttsch’HOO…HEHck’SHMMmm!

ANGEL: (sympathetic, tuts, worried) Babycakes, I ain’t ever heard y’sound like this…Y’sure y’okay?

HUSK: …ACK’TCHHOoo! (he blows his muzzle and groans, then breathes through his teeth) …God…S'Embarassin'...Y'won't laugh?

ANGEL: Cross my heart…s'just me, Husk.

(HUSK hesitates and growls in frustration, but knows Angel is being sincere, and slowly manages to let out what's been bothering him.)

HUSK: Look, I ain't sick….I just- s'fuckin' spring, everythin' is fuckin' bloomin' an' Ihhh...I'm- HEHGH'SHOOooo!…m'hhhh?....hhh…Moltin'...an'...ahhhn' it's!-...EhhTSH’HOOoo!…(sighs) fuckin' itchy…M'like a goddamn feather duster...ERSTCH’SHOO!

ANGEL: (snorts, this is VERY adorable)…D'Awww, honey!

HUSK: (pleading)…Sweetheart

(ANGEL composes himself, he made a promise, no matter how adorable he thinks this is. He is also very sympathetic and empathetic to this…as he knows the feeling.)

ANGEL: Ahem, sorry…I ain't laughin' at cha…An' look, it ain't nothin' to be hidin' about, hon…I know s'uncomfortable as fuck…S'gotcha all stressed…Y-y'know I got allergies an' I molt too, comin' up real soon actually…an' all that skin and fur…it ain't pretty…I know how y'feel, m'sorry.

HUSK: ...Jus' shitty timing…I'd usually take care of it m'self…but ever since we lost that shipment, countin' inventory's been fucked up, ahhn' Alastor…hahhs…mhhe… AHSTCH'OOO!

ANGEL: (sweetly, gently) Bless you…Anything I can do?...Getcha a Belphadryl?

(HUSK just grunts noncommittally. His wall is still up, but ANGEL hasn't given up and just wants to help him feel better, pamper his man like a prince.)

ANGEL: I can do that!… S'my turn to make dinner…I'll cook my Nonna's Pesto Gnocchi, that you liked so much, hm?…How's about-…How's 'bout a massage?..Yeah?...Six hands, sound any good?

(HUSK’s ears perk a little…ANGEL sees that he's starting to break through HUSK's wall…a little. ANGEL gives HUSK'S temple a sweet kiss.)

ANGEL: (tries the waters) Okay…Hm…Y'know I've been around, with a lot a sinners, I know a thing or two about uh…preenin' an-

HUSK: (wall is back up, abrupt) No!...None a’that shit!

ANGEL: (sighs) …Okay…if y'sure...Honey, ain't no need for pride, but I understand…But..if I can do somethin' so y'ain't sufferin', you jus' tell me, okay?

I can see it when you're feelin’ low

You can't hide that from me!

You're no status quo calico

So why keep tryin’ to be?

'Cause you're more than that

You're my big bad cat

I wish you could see the you I see

Honey?…Well, I say

If you molt celebrate it

Brand new coat, serenade it

Gotta gloat over a cat like you

And if…

What you are is a strange you

Doesn't mean you should change you

Only means you should change your point of view

Hey feline

You are just fine

To thine ownself be true

Fur and Down's 

The cat's meow

It's how I know you're you

You can call me Pazzo gattara

Bid your woes sayonara

Trust your nose 'cause it knows the way to go

When you

Wave ya tail you're enchanting

Your a swell confidante babe

In all'a hell, Molto Belissimo!

There is not one hair on you

That I would rearrange

I love you the way you are

And that will never change

That will never change

ANGEL: …Hon?...Husk-

HUSK: (the wall crumbles, and he sniffles and sighs)…Brush an' a lil thing of oil in m'room…Jus' keep quiet…No fussin'.

ANGEL: (smiles, proud) Aye Aye, Cap'n!…Ey, Nuggsy, Take care a’Papa for a minute, kay?…Be back in a minute!

HUSK: …HEH'IRSCH'Sshooo!

ANGEL: (called back) Bless you, honey!

(Nuggets, sitting on the bartop, oinks and stares at HUSK as if to say his own little blessing.)

HUSK: …Whatchu gawkin' at, Porkchop?

(Nuggets…of course doesn't answer and just snorts. HUSK melts a little, sighs and chuckles. He pets Nuggets between his horns.)

HUSK: (a little tender)...A silly Ol' bastard?...Yeah?...C'mere…Good boy.

- E finito - Pink

[snzysimper]

Ok so I’m assuming that most of us have seen the thing of Blake and Joel singing Baby It’s Cold Outside as Angel and Valentino.

“Papito, hace frío afuera!!”

Ok so my train of thought:

((This goes off of my head canon of Angel and Val being “frienemys” when they’re outside of the studio.))

Valentino doesn’t want Angel walking all the way back to the hotel with it snowing outside because he doesn’t want him to get sick.

But then the third time Angel tries to convince Val to let him go home it’s revealed that while he genuinely doesn’t want him getting sick he also knows that if he is sick that they can’t film.

[secret-explosion]

Ha/zbin Ho/tel snz fic prompt idea for you

Vel/vette is recovering from a cold, thanks to V/ox helping her and getting her almost 100% better, only for him to catch this cold himself. Lots of stubbornness, denial and hiding for V/ox to avoid seeming weak in front of others. Over time, his symptoms worsen and become more and more difficult to hide. Vel/vette finds out that V/ox has been sick and lying to her about it, she forces him into bed takes care of him.

Ooohhhh, I love this! I don't know if I can reliably write for these two, but keep a look out and I'll make some doodles!

[maladyinpink]

*Extremely late to the party*

Reblog this if you’re a sneeze blog

Given the recommendations I’ve seen on tumblr, I feel like the kink community has expanded over the past few years and I’m curious how many of us there are now. So, if you’d like to help satisfy my curiosity, or if you just want more visibility so sneeze ppl can find your blog, please reblog this. If you’re cool with it, also put in the tags what year you started your blog.

[maladyinpink]

🔊 CARE-SNAKE-ING: Feelin' Crook 🍒🐍Haz/bin Ho/tel Wav

ALL PROJECTS WILL ALWAYS BE STRICTLY AI FREE

WAP BAM BOOM Alacazam! Here it is folks, the second haz wav project in the series! Wav is dedicated on 🍀 St. Patrick's Day to my Irish buddy and fellow Cherri/Snake enthusiast @very-freakin-effable! Wav would not have been completed without your support... and thanks to Effy and @themiseryandcompany for beta reading the script. I really appreciate it, dolcezze 😌💗💗💗

CARE-SNAKE-ING: Feelin' Crook: Our chaotic couple have their version of date night in the doomsday district, battling a gang of thugs that have hijacked a shipment of beelzejuice heading to the hotel! However, Pen/tious quickly discovers his lady isn't feeling quite up to snuff. But getting Cherr/i to slow down and admit that she's sick is a battle of it's own.

CW: A SLEW of wacky voices (cough drops were NEEDED on this one folks.), Slow burn...sneezes come a bit later, good things come to those who wait. Badass BG music, fast paced action/combat audio, Sounds of Gunfire, explosives and other fututistic weaponry, explicit dialogue, sounds of illness, loud rough female cold sneezing, mention of drug use, coughing, denial, emotional comfort and tender soft CARE-SNAKE-ING.

Script is below, enjoy!

~ Baci Baci, Pink

🍒🐍 CARE - SNAKE - ING - SCRIPT

(Scene 1 - We close in on a dark seedy area of the Pentagram’s Doomsday District, a small group of THUGS has taken one of the shipments of alcohol heading to the nearby Hazbin Hotel. A hellhound, THUG #1, the leader, in amongst the group of shifty lowlives is talking into a phone, going over the details of the stolen shipment.)

THUG #1: (chuckles) Yeah…Me an' the guys have secured the area an' the goods. Hijacked that truck heading to that crummy hotel on the edge of the ring, shipment of Beelzejuice straight in from Gluttony…We were just leaving…

(He laughs and gestures at the truck)

THUG #1: Hey! Who wants a cold one?-

(The THUGS however are not alone and aren’t getting away with the spoils that easily. A hissing posh accent sharply draws the attention of the group. A slithering figure approaches out of the shadows, wielding a ray gun that powers up, ready to take a shot.)  

SIR PENTIOUS: Not so fast, you Pigeon-livered jolluck!...If I’m not mistaken you’ve got something that doesn't belong to you and I'm not above brute force…Hand over the libations and nobody gets hurt!

(The hellhound seems to know PEN well enough and approaches.)

THUG #1: Pentious! Been a while, y'slimy bag of farts…Seems someone finally grew balls, but not the brains…

(The THUGS laugh, but PEN stands his ground, unwavering as they taunt like schoolyard bullies.)

THUG #1: We still gotcha outnumbered, dickless! All on your lonesome…

(The band of uglies laugh again, and cock and load their weapons toward the snake. Mostly guns…but seems like one brought a sword to a gunfight. The leader laughs maniacally.)

THUG #1: Where's the girl, Ol’ man?

(Always knowing how to make an entrance, an explosion comes from overhead, signalling the presence of the ballistic belle of chaos…)

CHERRI BOMB: RIGHT HERE, BITCH! And SHE…is on fucking fire today!…Sorry m'late, handsome!

PENTIOUS: (delighted, called upward.) Ah! Not at all, you're right on time, darling!

CHERRI: (cheerily) Look out below!

(She slides down a gutter pipe on the side of the building to reach their level, PEN takes her hand as she lands to check in and make sure she is alright. CHERRI thanks her partner, then turns to enact her first verbal blows, getting up close and personal to the hellhound. The much shorter woman is not intimidated in the slightest, pointing directly at the leader's chest.)

CHERRI: (overzealous) Who’re calling dickless, dickless? Listen, NO ONE…talks about my man like that…except for me, especially what’s going on downunder. If you ask me, you're just jealous cause he got two bananas in his bunch.

PENTIOUS: (blushing, embarrassed) Oh, Cherri!

CHERRI: Y'know…Two can play your game, where's your mate at? Dingo lookin' fucker, right? Late, full as a goog? As per usual, after he left y'sorry ass?

(THUG #1's face drops and he whines as CHERRI seems to have hit a sore spot)

THUG #1: (growls) Hey bitch, fuck off! He's sober…Most of the time…We've been…going to counseling. 

CHERRI: (mocks) Aww, see I missed the part where I gave a shit, fuckhead.

(PEN is now genuinely offended, this was low hanging fruit. Of the couple, he is the more emotionally conscious, but she's been improving.)

PENTIOUS: Tch, I say, Miss Bomb! Manners!

(A little annoyed, CHERRI stops herself and hesitantly tries to be more sympathetic.)

CHERRI: Ugh, fine!...Ahem…Sorry to hear that, bruv…You know what?...Don't suppose you lot…want a head start?...'fore we do this shit?

(The THUGS start running without hesitation, PENTIOUS turns to CHERRI with a tender smile.)

PENTIOUS: See, that was very nice, darling, you can be very kind sometimes…

CHERRI: Yeah, poor guy deserved a break, I guess…(sniffs, barely a beat)...Anyway, now?

PENTIOUS: Absolutely! I'd love nothing more, shall we gut this scoundrel?

CHERRI: Fuck yeah!…Let's…Oh no…hold on-...hh….hEHt'TSCHT'HIEW!...(sighs)

PENTIOUS: (concerned) Oh goodness! Bless you!...Are you quite alright?

CHERRI: (laughs) Uh-huh, relax, m'fine…Let's go catch these suckers…Ready?

(PEN powers up his ray gun and tests a shot out to the side, he pulls CHERRI in for a tender snog, that she lovingly returns. She giggles.)

PENTIOUS: (laughs slyly) I love when we play dirty…

CHERRI: (tender whisper) Me too.

(She lights the fuse and throws the first bomb, signalling the official start of the action, of what is a typical date night for the couple. CHERRI's musical laugh carries as they get a move on to catch up with the THUGS and the music drops as the fight begins. CHERRI jumps through the air and whoops out a yell. PEN takes aim and shoots at one of the gang from a distance, landing a hit. ) 

PENTIOUS: TAKE THAT!

CHERRI: (triumphant, proud) Nice one, babe!

(She almost loses her footing, but throws another bomb and it goes off, landing another hit and taking down two more targets. PEN blasts out several shots.)

PENTIOUS: Taste my fury, you barmy hooligan!

CHERRI: Eat shit, y'miserable cuntlickers!

(PEN laughs, but then hears his partner…coughing. He shoots and calls over his shoulder to CHERRI as they keep moving.)

PENTIOUS: I rather don't like the sound of that cough, dearest!

CHERRI: (calls back) M'fine!…It's just the smoke babe!…

(PEN'S gun jams, and signals a reload.)

PENTIOUS: (sarcastic) Right and I’m Queen Victoria-...Oh! Dearest, aim, 3 o'clock!

(CHERRI gasps and throws a bomb, but misfires, covering them in rubble, dust and smoke.)

THUG #1: (laughs to his men) Think we lost 'em.

(This is a fake out, as the couple emerges from the dust and smoke.)

CHERRI: Think again, champ. Now give us the goods. Under the order of Lucifer Fucking Morningstar.

(PEN's gun reloads.)

PENTIOUS: Honestly…You pussy willows make this far too easy.

THUG#1: Fine, Alright!...I surrender, I- huh?

(A gun cocks and loads. Seemingly CHERRI was wrong about the 'Dingo lookin' fucker'...A coyote sinner with a thick southern drawl signals his presence. THUG #1's boyfriend, THUG #2. There's a gun in his paw and he's brought a handful of more THUGS with him.)

THUG #2: Step away from my man, y'candy asses. He ain't gonna surrender if I have anything to say about it.

THUG #1: (love-struck, he whimpers) Barry! Oh Sweetie you came! And…you brought my favorite gun…Awww, you shouldn't have!

THUG #2: (sweetly) Of course, Peanut…Wouldn't miss it for the world…

(He pecks his lover's cheek with a quick 'Mwah' and gets back to the matter at hand, giving the gun to his partner who points it at the other couple.)

THUG #2: Now let's skin this bitch alive!

(CHERRI nervously laughs and grimaces.)

CHERRI: Oh great, they made up, congratulations!...Run, babe!

(CHERRI runs…leaving PEN with…everyone else.)

PENTIOUS: (panicked, then sheepish) W-Wait, darling!...I don’t suppose we could work something out, friends…

(NOPE. All of the THUGS cock their weapons. And PEN's ray gun…jams...again.)

PENTIOUS: Oh shit…

(From a distance, the gunfire and yelling echoes through the district. The thugs chase after PEN.)

🍒🐍

(Scene 2 - PENTIOUS has managed to slither away momentarily from the THUGS, but is…missing his partner. He pants to catch his breath, slithers and crawls quietly around the streets and alleys. His gun is at the ready and scanning for any danger.)

PENTIOUS : (Whispers) Cherri?...Cherri, dear, where are you?

(He hears a few poorly muffled sneezes in the nearby alleyway. And sees his partner sitting on a box in the shadows, her head in her cupped hands, her eye shut in pain. He quickly slithers over to her. She coughs and looks up, exhausted. She's coming down fast….but is in denial.)

CHERRI: Sorry Pen…Y-y'ready to get back up there?-

PENTIOUS: (softly gasps and sits next to her) No no-…Cherri-...Cherri..Perhaps, we might need to put a pin in this?...You don’t look well at all!

CHERRI: (looks up and tries to reassure, in denial) No!...No- no!...There's no time to veg out on a bullshit sickie!…We gotta get up there an'- hh..hih!-...

(She poorly muffles a loud sneeze in her elbow and it echoes in the alley.)

CHERRI: AAt'TSCHT'SCHIEW!-...(growls, frustrated, but her protests are weak) Fuck! m'really alright!

PENTIOUS: (uncharacteristically firm, not like this often)...Miss Bomb, t-that's quite enough, I insist…You must rest…at least take some momentary respite…And if I may, just… let me feel your lymph nodes.

(CHERRI exhaustedly shakes her head, sputters, and tries to bat away his hands, repeating 'No' but is preoccupied as she hitches and feels another few grating sneezes coming, these ones she barely directs into her shoulder, down at the ground.)

CHERRI: (desperate) No no nooo-…heheeh!-.. ECKH'HEW!...aat'RRTSH'SHEWww-…Oh no.

(PEN reaches a gentle claw to each side of her throat to check her glands.)

PENTIOUS: (sadly) Oh…Bless,…Yes, as I thought. Swollen.

(CHERRI swears and pulls away 'Fuck! Gkkk-', sputters and gags a little, coughing.)

CHERRI: (not listening, she coughs out-) …Uh-uh…Pen, we've gotta get back up there!

PENTIOUS: (floored) Are you mad, woman? You're ill!

CHERRI: But, t-the booze?!...They're gettin' away!

PENTIOUS: And your health is more important! The princess would agree...

CHERRI: No!...I-I can handle this…I…just- gotta-...

(She starts to rustle through her bag of explosives and her pockets for something. They CAN'T LOSE this, she hates to lose.)

PENTIOUS: (declarative) No!...No no!...I am calling a ceasefire!

(In an instant, it's clear CHERRI has found something as she starts to run down the alleyway.)

PENTIOUS: Wait! No!...Cherri? Where are you going?!

(This falls on deaf ears as CHERRI coughs, out of breath as she looks around and fiddles with explosives and runs down the alleyway, PEN calls after her. She lights a fuse and throws it up to the building above. It explodes and a scream sounds.)

CHERRI: (triumphant) Yes!

(She starts to cough uncontrollably and has to slow down, until she completely stops, heaving and wheezing.)

PENTIOUS: (frustrated, worried, a bit mom-ish, catches his breath) That's it, Missy!...I'm counting!...One!…Two!…Three…Uh, Four? Whew...Oh god…Damn it, Cherri! I'm putting my foot down!

CHERRI: (out of breath)...You don't have feet, moron…

PENTIOUS: (deadpans) …Right.

CHERRI: (hitches fitfully) Oh no-...huh!-...HUH'ECKH'HEWw! HUH'EHR'ECK'HEWw! PTSCHT'SCHeew!..heht-...HEH'pTCHEW!- Oh, fuck, that hurts…hah?...HEH'ITSCH'IEEWww!

PENTIOUS: (startled) Oh! Good heavens! Bless you! BLESS you!...BLESS, my love…(then sympathetic) Oh, my dear…

(PEN blesses and coos lovingly as CHERRI struggles through the fit. Unfortunately the loud fit signals the thugs to their hiding spot.)

THUG #1: There they are, get 'em!

(The THUGS charge forward, battle crying in a cacophony.)

PENTIOUS: HOLD IT!

(The THUGS suddenly freeze. CHERRI sneezes a loud 'HACK'IEWww!')

PENTIOUS: (matter of fact) Bless you...Party's over lads…We're going home, booze is yours.

(Bunch of disappointed ad-libs from the group of THUGS…Despite the fact that…they won. They love a good fight, it seems.)

THUG#1: I never get to use my favorite gun.

THUG #2: I know baby…

PENTIOUS: (genuinely sorry)…Sorry everyone! The lady isn't feeling well! Same time next week though? I promise to bring biscuits! (he pauses and turns)...Cherri, my love?

CHERRI: One sec…(CHERRI coughs uncontrollably.) 

PENTIOUS: (winces) Oh, let’s go home…You must feel awful. 

CHERRI: (stuffy, hesitantly admitting) Gah…Woke up, feelin’ a bit crook, is all…May've tried to-...I tried to take a line before I got here…

PENTIOUS: (suddenly very worried) …Oh, Cherri…

CHERRI: …Thought it’d get me through today…

PENTIOUS: …Cherri, I thought you were clean?-

CHERRI: (unexpectedly emotional, snaps) Well I didn’t get far now did I?...Nose is too fuckin’ bunged up to…hehhh…

(PEN is a bit wounded at the outburst, but sets it aside to support CHERRI as she launches inti a huge, harsh and desperate sneezing fit, bending the poor girl in half, holding a wall for support. PEN realizes quickly that she can't stop and is a bit speechless.)

CHERRI: …HhEH'ItSH'HEWw! Hh'khECHK'SCHEww! Hhh!- HaeH'ECKHH'SCHEW!  HAH'ETSH'HWw- hold on- HEH'ESH'Hihhh…Ihh-It won’t s-stop!- (the sneezing is getting breathless)...Ihhh…Tsc'hhiew! TSCH'Hiew!...AaPPtCH'tscheww….hhh…HAATCH'CHewww…Hhh!-....HEH'EICKh'HIEEWw!...

PENTIOUS: (a bit unable to keep up) Bless you! ...Bless you, B-Bless you! Cherri! Bless you, my love!

(As she finishes, he suddenly remembers and reaches into his suit pocket for his monogrammed handkerchief and offers.)

PENTIOUS: Here, my dear,  blow…My word! That sounds like it's hurting you, chuffing like a chimney, poor thing…

(CHERRI turns away and blows.)

CHERRI: Thanks…(sniffs, sullen) …M'so sorry, Pen…

PENTIOUS: (melts) …If anything, thank you for telling me…I just care and worry for you, and while I trust you, it’s my duty as your confidant…your boyfriend (the word is a bit foreign to him) to take care of you at your lowest. I- I simply don’t want you to suffer, I can't bear to see you so…miserable.

CHERRI: (exhausted) …Sweetheart?

PENTIOUS: (patient, sweet) Yes?

CHERRI: (quiet)…Feels like my head's gonna blow.

PENTIOUS: (sympathetically coos) I'm sure…We'll set you right, come along, let's get you to bed…

🍒🐍

(Scene 3 - We are back at the hotel, in a suite that the couple share together. CHERRI’s hair is out of her signature ponytail and sitting cross legged in bed in her pajamas with a thermometer in her mouth and a pillow held in her lap. As it beeps, PEN takes the device and reads.)

PENTIOUS: Ooh, 102! Oh dear…Well, you did say you were 'On fire' today.

CHERRI: ...ARRh'RSHHT'SHEW!

PENTIOUS: (a little startled) Bless you! My, you’ve quite a wicked sneeze, you know!

(He laughs, albeit a bit awkwardly and sees her dejected face, she puts down the pillow, pulls up the blanket and turns over.)

PENTIOUS: (he clears his throat and tests the waters)...I know today wasn’t what you hoped for…but I hope you know, I’m quite proud of you… 

CHERRI: (glum, she turns and looks up at the ceiling) What for?...The moment things got hard, I reached for what was easy. I didn’t listen to you…I fucking-... I failed…I’m sorry.

PENTIOUS: (starts) Well yes- yes, you failed…

CHERRI: (looks at him)…Gee, thanks, babe.

PENTIOUS: (a bit exasperated) Cherri- that's not what I-…(he smiles, proud, with conviction and love) You're persevering! Take it from an old man who’s faced defeat on numerous occasions to note. You’ve got determination, unlike anything I’ve seen from anyone else…You'll make short work of this nasty chill and rise again in no time to try again! I know how much you hate admitting when you're not at your best, but you are doing it. And that takes strength…Real strength, my dear…Now I think some lavender tea should help that throat of yours, I’ll put a kettle on.

CHERRI: (she smiles too, grateful, but winded) Thank you, Pen…You know, y'not bad at this sick day thing…Taking care of my sorry ass.

(His eyebrow cocks, and he saddles up beside her in their bed.)

PENTIOUS: Oho? Well what kind of partner would I be otherwise?…When she does need of me, I will always care for my…brave…

(He nuzzles and smooches her temple.)

CHERRI: …Mm!

PENTIOUS: ...Bodacious… (smooches her cheek.)

CHERRI: (giggles) S’that right?

PENTIOUS: (contemplates) Mm-hmm...Often- Bullheaded…(nuzzles and smooches her freckled shoulder.)

CHERRI: (agrees) Hm…Fair…

PENTIOUS Hm…brilliantly (smooches her neck knowing it'll tickle her) bright…(leans over and smooches right under her eye, on her nose)...beauty.

(CHERRI musical giggles grow sleepy…She hitches and lets out a tired tickly 'HEP'PSTCH'hiew!')

PENTIOUS: (he chuckles) Bless you. 

(CHERRI blows her nose in a clean handkerchief.)

CHERRI: (sniffles thickly) I do need you…Yeh?...I don't tell y'enough…but I love ya.

PENTIOUS: (lovingly agrees, insistant) And I you, dear…Now, I must insist that YOU get some rest. No explosions, no battles...not even a shouting match with the neighbors…Now, I’ll be right back!

(PENTIOUS hums and exits to put the kettle on…CHERRI sighs…and sneezes again…a loud muffled HAH'ECK'HEWww into her hanky. An Egg boi, a little shaken, it seems, approaches the bed.)

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Miss Cherri?…

CHERRI: (dazed) Yeh?

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Are you okay? 

CHERRI: (a bit awkward)…Yeh?

FRANK (Egg Boi): …Your face exploded!

(Unable to respond, she flops back on the bed, exhausted, frustrated.)

CHERRI: …UGH

È Finito, Grazie!

- ♡ Pink

[snzysimper]

Any Alastor head cannons? I need some inspiration for a fic I'm writing <3

I have many:

Ok so first of all (ik everyone says this but whatever) but he hates sneezing in front of people. If he does think he’s going to sneeze, he will find a way to politely excuse himself from the situation.

Worst case scenario and he does end up sneezing in front of someone, it is very soft and sometimes even goes unnoticed if he is having a conversation with multiple people. Just a very quiet “H-mp’sh!!”

The only person he will openly sneeze in front of is Rosie and that is only if it’s just the two of them. She is also the only one he will let take care of him and/or see him sick and in a weaker state.

His regular sneezes are pretty average. A simple “hHed’tchEH!!” Nothing too special.

He is a one and done kind of guy. The only time he will sneeze in multiples is from allergies. If he has a cold he will sneeze more than once but they are spread out. Never more than one in a row.

[maladyinpink]

Finished one of the Static/Moth Scripts in the trio. Still in the process of writing...But I gotta say @ripelytoo this is very inspiring...

Got a temporary tablet to draw on, so here you go! I think this one is one of my absolute favorites that I’ve done so far 🫣😶.

[secret-explosion]

Part 9: Of Embarrassment and Clarity

Previous, Next

Aggressive nose blowing to assert dominance? Why not?

[maladyinpink]

Hi, longtime lurker here, been writing for a long time but never brave enough to post, but- BUT, I got very inspired by this prompt and ideas by @ghostlychill and @rosieknows , and thought I'd finally come out of the woodwork by spinning a LONG fluffy tale of woe of what, PRAY TELL, could happen after Sins/mas and the New year 🙈🤷‍♀️...so uh, not entirely sure how to do this, nervy as hell 😐...but here goes 🤗 Agh, hope anyone who reads this enjoys.

💗

CW: Snz, Illness, emotional pain/comfort, depictions of depression, loss and my man Sto/las just goin' through it, but Bli/tzø is there every step of the way. Oh! And a few explicit shameless puns 😈...

The Imp and The Owl

A few days after the holiday celebration and passing of the new year in the Pentagram, the apartment, lit by the red morning light, still smelled of stale snacks that'd been left out by those too drunk to finish them. And Stolas, once again, found himself curled-up on the worn-out purple striped couch, talons just barely resting over the side.

During the first couple days, he'd slept, only because he was so exhausted. But since the confrontation at the palace, he'd been up most nights with an old friend that usually went away with medication: Insomnia. And...he'd happened to have been without medication as of late, for a few weeks. As he carelessly rushed out of the house to rescue an imp at the brink of death in Hell's biggest courtroom. And he'd only gotten them back when...Octavia had given them back to him.

Several hours ago, still sluggishly awake in the middle of the night, he'd tried to take a shower. He could barely fit into it, banging his temple on the shower head by standing, settling for sitting in the tub where he cradled his legs close and cried. In theory, the hot water would've potentially helped him fall asleep. Only in fucking theory, apparently.

Now his feathers, wet and wiry, were still air drying, now a muted shade of their former midnight glory and streaked with shocks of grey. And he still tossed and turned under the pony print fleece blankets. Oh well, he'd never got much sleep anyway, even in the palace.

He'd already made peace with himself that some of these things would drive him crazy, and that life without privilege would just take some getting used to. The fact of the matter was that things could've been worse. Blitzø would have died. The image of the axe coming that close to the imps neck still haunted him, the horrified looks of his onlooking family.

He was alive and well though, snoring through the night on a beanbag, surrounded by his horse plushies. Stolas found himself smiling, resisting stroking and pecking the imp's horns to soothe as he babbled a little in his sleep, then he stopped. They'd yet to talk about their embrace at the palace after he'd saved Stolas from the ice hydra. Something real was finally blossoming between them. At what cost? Immense loss and sacrifice.

He'd live amongst the civilian hellborn and sinners, earn a wage to survive, living as a commoner, starting from scratch. Potentially, finally, have a real relationship worth working for. All that, he could endure. But the chance of never seeing his daughter again while she suffered cruel negligence at the hands of Andrealphus and her mother. He wouldn't be there for her birthdays, her holidays. Even just the casual greetings in the morning, he'd taken for granted. And as she approached possible ascension to the throne, she had no real guidance or reassurance, for the next 100 years. Whether she would choose to confide in him about that or anything in the future, remained to be seen. She'd cut him off. It was unbearable. And he knew it was his own fault.

As a parent himself, Blitzø had been trying to reassure Stolas that Octavia didn't hate him, the girl was 17, she needed space and time to process. And unfortunately, he had 100 long years of both. With that ever heavy and present in mind, he did his best with immense difficulty to just physically rise in the morning.

He yawned out a little screech and craned his neck toward the kitchen, hearing rustling through cabinets. Loona seemed to be taking a crack at cooking this morning for a change while Blitzø was showering. He hadn't noticed either of them rise or pass by. Had lack of sleep left him that disoriented? Stolas had yet to smell anything smoky or burning, so it was a good sign. Stolas realized though he couldn't smell much of anything at all.

"Yo..." Loona waved a paw with a spatula, briskly over her shoulder when she'd noticed he was awake. She was never a morning person it seemed.

He'd meant to reply a polite good morning to the hell-hound. But all that came out first through his beak was a chirpy stifled sneeze. 

"Nght-tchoo!"

"Ah, Sorry...G-good morning, Loona, dear." He tried to force out, his voice cracking as his throat felt as though it was filled with stinging nettles. Oh no. 

Loona's ear twitched and she looked over her shoulder as if something occurred to her at the tiny sound, before a tender look crossed her harsh features. She set the spatula down and padded closer to the couch. "Morning...You okay, old man?"

Stolas' laugh came out as a weak cough and he lied to save face. "Y-yes quite alright, I think I'm just...tired...Barely waking is all." Placating came easy.

Loona's eyes narrowed, but she didn't want to push or argue with him, "Right, well we've got a few choices for breakfast, if you don't like eggs... You eat bacon?" she walked back over to the freezer to relay options, "Shit, Looks like we still got-...Toaster doodles? Blitzø fuckin' goes nuts for these...What kind'ya want?"

Stolas forced himself to smile as he read the colorful boxes she held up. Cunnilingonberry CreamPie...Lemon Frottage Cheese...BukCake Batter (Now With More Sprinkles!)...Hard to believe there were more, he could barely pay attention to her mumbling of which one 'didn't totally suck' as his head was pounding.

"I mean, once you get past the weird dick shape-"

"Whatever you're making is fine, dear. I'm sure it'll be delightful." His voice was quiet and trailed off into little stifled coughs into his shoulder that he hoped would not draw any attention. It seemed to have worked for the moment as she hesitated, but turned back to her sizzling bacon with a less than convinced nod.

The sound of the shower shut off, and a moment later, the bathroom door creaked open with steam. Blitzø walked out, in a long sleeve and jeans, still rubbing his horns dry with a towel. He made his way into the kitchen, laying the towel on one of the dining room chairs. And spotting his daughter, he couldn't resist the urge to give her a quick, loving squeeze around her hind leg.

"What the-...Jesus!...Dad!"

"Good Mornin' to you too, Loonie-Toonie! Oop- Look at you, makin' breakfast, how sweet!"

Loona always rolled her eyes at him, it was like muscle memory. She was usually dismissive around the imp's affection, but she couldn't help the brief smirk that tugged up under her snout. Then she nodded towards the couch with a silent look beckoning Blitzø to say something.

Blitzø followed her gaze, immediately noticing the way Stolas held his head in his hand, seemingly spasming with stifled coughs. "Uh…Hey," he said, walking over, to gently approach, "You sleep okay?"

A little startled, Stolas squawked and looked up, feigning a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, he looked down, "Oh dear! Um, yes, Good Morning..."

"Shit Stolas...Did you sleep...like at all?"

"I'm fine, Blitzø." Stolas tried to reassure, firmer this time, maybe even a little annoyed.

"...In what universe?"

Blitzø awkwardly winced and sat on the edge of the couch, his eyes wide, reaching toward the owl "...Shit, If I can remember, you fancy fucks run warm anyways, but you look…not great, no offense-...hold up a sec, 'kay?"

"Blitzø, you must understand, I did try!...Nght'ktchht! Ehkkschtt! Shit-...Oh, Heavens, excuse me."

The fight was needless and only made things worse. Stolas winced and shook his head wearily, his eyes closing with relief as he felt the coolness of Blitzø's claws grazing across on his forehead and cheeks.

"Shhh, you're burnin' up like Satan's taint," Blitzø said, his concern etched into his voice. "Let's see what we got in here." He toddled away and disappeared into the bathroom and returned with two thermometers, one standard oral and the other a bit more...intimate, seemingly debating. Stolas deadpanned.

"Sorry...know you're not into that right now," he quipped, holding up the rectal thermometer with a smirk before tossing it aside to grab the oral one, "Alrighty, Stolas, open wide, and I do mean your beak."

Stolas couldn't help but laugh a little, "Ever the charmer," he said, taking the thermometer and popping it into his beak, lisping with his mouth full "You find thish truly necesshary, Blitsh?"

While they waited for the thermometer to beep, Blitzø took extra note of the dark circles under all four eyes "You're definitely comin' down with somethin'," he said, his voice laced with a hint of worry. "Immune system must be shot to shit with everything that's happened."

The triple beep pierced the quiet, and Stolas held up the thermometer, 108.3." I suppose...that's not a good sign."

"Nope," he said, his voice tight, "It's a sign your feathered ass is gonna stay on the couch today."

This earned Blitzø a dramatic, uncharacteristic groan, like a teenager almost. Stolas face planted into the pillow on the couch and croaked out:

"Fuck."  

And it'd been making the imp smile a little every time. Not that he was enjoying Stolas' misery. Not at all. He'd just found he got a cute little kick out of…well, watching the former prince adapt from sudden loss of privilege. He was gradually letting his walls down, and would be informal, sometimes blissfully crass, completely abandoning the posh.

Stolas had never felt so weak before. Not like this. Even in the rare moments he'd fallen ill at the palace. Is this truly what the common cold with a low grade fever felt like to every other lower-station creature? But he supposed the stress and missing his medication for a bit would make everything worse.

"I am so sorry." The wall came back up.

Blitzø's eyes snapped to a rigid Stolas, his smile dropping at the apology. "Stolas?...What the fuck for?"

"For...everything, burdening you with this, I don't want to be a hindrance or worrisome to you, I'm making things especially difficult and I apologize." Stolas mumbled and gave the imp a funny feeling in his chest.

"Hey! Don't you go spoutin' nonsense on me. I mean...Sure, I know things are hard now," Blitzø stated firmly.

"B-but YOU, YOU are NOT difficult, Stolas, and you're not a burden, you're one of us and we take care of our own in this household, ain't that right Loonie?" Loona made a short affirmative noise in the kitchen, bringing with her, her plate of bacon and another full of…frankly phallic looking pastries, but otherwise sugary and delectable. And Stolas was…famished. The hell-hound put it on the coffee table in front of the pair.

"Uh...the ones with Sprinkles always make me feel better or whatever." Blitzø looked touched as he recognized his usually withdrawn daughter was trying to be warm.

"Huh…Um, thank you, Loona." Stolas murmured, his four eyes lighting up slightly.

"Thank you, Sweetie...Could ya do one more thing for your Dad and call M&M?...while I take care of this one?...Just tell 'em I'm takin' the day. I know we've been busy, but Mox can handle the paperwork."

Loona nodded and disappeared into her bedroom with her phone and her breakfast. Stolas' feathers fluffed in protest at the thought of Blitzø missing out on valuable clients…for him? Absolutely not. Preposterous.

"Oh! Wait, no! It's quite alright. You don't have to do that," Stolas babbled, trying to push himself upright with a grimace. "I'm really not worth upheaving an entire day, don't be ridiculous, truly I can manage, really, I ju-....I- Ah fucki-...Nght'tchiew!...Oh Lucife-...EEHk'hoo!…IIIdht'hoo!...HIH'Itsh'tchiew!"

The protest ended with another long fit of hooty sneezes that got harsher as they came out. The imp rubbed the Goetia's back as he was a little incapacitated at the moment.

"Stolas Liste-...Uh, Bless you...Listen, I just want to take care a ya, s'that shit hard to believe?" Blitzø started with a gentle rub on Stolas' shoulder.

Stolas paused with a telling look, until another sneeze bent him in half. "Ehh'Krrt'chiew!"

Blitzø spoke gently as Stolas continued to sneeze, unlike his usual punchy tamber, "That's...That's fair, Bless you, Look, it's no trouble, you're obviously not fine...Jesus, Bless you!...Um- Bless you. You're kinda just proving my point here. So, I recommend no more bullshittin', and just...Bless you- taking it easy. Just lay back, relax…"

"Heh…Dhhh…EHD'RRTCH'schiew!- Lords!" 

"Christ on a stick, Bless you! That was a big one! 

"-Jtsh'hiew!...Ekk'krrtch'hoo!"

"Oh my Sat- Would ya just-... lemme finish?"

He looked up at Stolas who stood adorably shaking like a cartoon character, wide-eyed with a finger under his beak to curb the bursts.

"Ack, Sorry...I'm no doctor, but you've got a cold. I'm sure we got some decongestant round here somewhere, we'll just have ya chug that and lay about awhile and watch shitty TV...Sound doable?"

Stolas nodded weakly and looked over to a tissue box on the end table that the imp hastily grabbed and held up, "Oop- Yeah, here, blow your beak...You are soundin' real stuffy."

After a few more sniffles, Stolas managed to clear his throat and sit up, seemingly trying to regain composure, his feathers ruffled. "No shit, Ack-...Sorry, thank you..." he corrected himself.

"No problem, you're sick, you're allowed to bitch a little." Blitzø quipped, he didn't seem to mind and stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter. He grabbed a mug and started filling it with water, "How's about some tea?"

"Do you...have tea?"

Blitzø rolled his eyes, "Well, nothin' fancy...I'm sure Loona won't mind if we have some of her Chai, sharing is caring and all that jazz."

Stolas nodded, blushing at the gesture. "Hm, Lovely."

Blitzø gave a nod, "Dig in, don't hold back on my account...those CreamPie doodles are the shit! Save a couple for me, 'kay?"

He smiled as he set a beat up kettle on the stove and fiddled with a box of teabags. Stolas, eyes suddenly curious and childlike at the Toaster Doodles, took a hesitant bite of flaky sugar-kissed goodness and found they were… heavenly.

"Mmm!"

Loona emerged from her room and pawed a pastry from the plate, her phone in her other paw to her ear, "...Well, he says to just deal with it and-...Okay, okay! Jesus! Bitch, I got it!...Uh, sorry, yeah...Yeah, that'd be nice actually, thanks...I'll tell 'em, yeah…Alright, thanks, I'll be there soon."

She hung up and announced, "Moxxie says he'll swing by with soup later, says they'll take care of the next client...It should be an easy hit, but Millie sounded…kinda tired?...So I said I'd go with 'em as back up on this one...that okay?"

Blitzø nodded as he put the kettle on, "Initiative is always okay in my book, Baby! I owe ya one...just be safe? An' tell Moxxie, I'll beat his ass if he skips the paperwork? Take your knives. Ya got the crystal?"

Loona rolled her eyes, "Yeah yeah, Dad, I got it…Might go out later, I'll text ya." She bit into the pastry in her paw, wincing at the sound of Stolas' coughing on his own from the living room. She swallowed and whispered, "Take care of him, okay?"

"We'll be fine...love you." Blitzø promised, scampering up her shoulder to plant a kiss on her forehead before she could protest and jumping down before she dashed out the door.

Stolas was wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, noticing that his vision was blurred. He hadn't even realized he'd started crying...again. It'd been happening off and on, sporadically without much control. The possibility that Octavia would never want to see him again. He wished to kiss Via's forehead again, share tea and pastries with her, tell her to have a good day on a mundane morning. His brave Starfire.

"Heeere ya go," Blitzø said, handing over a steaming mug of tea and sat down next to Stolas with his own.

Stolas took the mug with a nod, he took a tentative sip, letting the warm liquid soothe his throat. "Thank you," he murmured, his voice quiet.

Blitzø's expression softened and he seemed to notice the depressed bird needed a distraction, his eyes flicking to the TV. "Alright, let's get to the good shit," He suggested, picking up the remote and flipping through the channels. "Ah, new season of Hell-A-Novela just came out...or we could watch-"

Still teary, the owl took another depressed bite of a third Toaster Doodle to medicate the pain with sugar, as he sighed with a watery smile,  "I don't find I really care right now what we-" He swallowed,

"...Y-You watch Hell-A-Novela?" Seems you learned new things everyday, that could be added on the list under the imp's horse obsession.

Blitzø shrugged, and Stolas' eyes widened in surprise, "How could I not, the main character is an Alejandro, he doesn't deserve that fake bitch Gabriella though...I'm hopin' she has a twin sister or one of them gets amnesia, so they can quit this will-they/won't-they shtick." Flipping through the streaming platforms and titles, Ka-tHulu, Voxflix, Azathoth Prime, LooLoo+.

"...On the contrary, I found her flawed character arc refreshing, and very...relatable...I liked her."

Blitzø turned to look at Stolas, knowing he'd started to win him over, with a Rainbow sprinkled doodle in his mouth, he rolled his eyes and countered, "Really? Stols c'mon...she fuckin' threw herself at him, after 2 seasons, they still aren't together?"

Stolas hesitated, "Well...perhaps it is a slow burn...annoying at times, but that is the point, yes? The pathos and stakes, keeps one watching." He rubbed his eyes, sipped his tea and finished a lemony pastry.

Blitzø chuckled, and waved Stolas off, "Eh, I wouldn't go that far for this shit. Sometimes, I just want to see a fuckin' steamy ass scene, just you know, to keep me...inspired."

"I rather think you're very... inspired...sometimes."

Stolas managed a tiny, cheeky smirk, taking another sip of his tea. Blitzø was next to him, scrolling through the channels with a knowing smile and a shake of his head. The bird-brain still managed to stroke his ego and still had a sense of humor about him in this sorry state.

"Okay…C'mere, you! Pick somethin'!" The imp surprised Stolas by opening his arm and beckoning for him to scoot closer to come cuddle, still looking at the TV.

Both of them stiffened for a moment, Stolas was unsure if he'd misread the signal and when Blitzø saw how nervous the owl looked, the feeling was contagious. Tentatively, Stolas shuffled closer. They'd both been far more intimate than this before. What was the problem? He let out a small, awkward chirp as he leaned into Blitzø's side, and found himself nuzzling his beak into the crook of the imp's neck just under his horns. He pulled away to glance up, letting out a nervous laugh that unfortunately was sounding quite congested. And looking up, he found Blitzø was blushing as well, quite fiercely.

"Was that...I am sorry, is it quite alright if I-"

"-Uh, I'm fine if you're fine. Shit's fine, we're both f-fine." Blitzø pacified, but sounded a little uncertain himself, cutting off Stolas' words. He took the mug of tea out of Stolas' hand, placing it safely on the coaster, before he gently wrapped his arms around the Owl and raked his claws across his back. Stolas felt like he was going to burn up any moment, mostly from the raging blush in his cheeks, nevermind the fever. The imp's tail snaked around his frame and pulled him in closer, nestling Stolas' head against his chest.

"Just uh…lemme take care of ya." He whispered, pressing a kiss on top of Stolas' head.

"Thank you, darling" he melted out, the warmth of the blanket and Blitzø's embrace helping him to relax slightly. Blitzø reached up and pulled down the horse-shoe throw blanket to cover the Bird's lanky frame. It didn't quite cover his legs, but Stolas didn't care.

Just as he was getting comfortable, his beak twitched. "Oh no...F-forgive me-" He tensed, trying to hold it in, but it was a losing battle. He buried his face near the Imp's neck, his sneezes stifled.

"Nght-krtchht! Nght'ktchht'chieew!...Ugh, Pardon mbe," Stolas pulled away, beak now thoroughly congested.

"You're fine," Blitzø said, smiling warmly and rubbing his back. "Never thought I'd serve as the royal snotrag, kind of a downgrade to be honest." he joked, his eyes glinting with affection.

Stolas' eyes widened as another sneeze built up. His neck fluffed and looked like he was about to apologize again, but could only squawk. Blitzø just chuckled and held him closer. "Jesus Stols, I'm kidding...don't worry 'bout it," he cooed. "Oop- got a few more in there, don't'cha?...Just let 'em out."

"HEHDH'ECK'hooo!..."

And so Stolas did, a much louder sneeze muffled into his fist behind Blitzø's shoulder, his body shaking. The imp didn't even flinch, just held him tighter and rubbed his back in comforting circles. "Yeesh, Bless you!...Big sneeze!" he soothed again.

Stolas nodded and felt his face heat up even more as he pulled away, his eyes watering. He sniffled and reached for the tissue box on the coffee table.

"I'b so sohhrry, I did't...mbean to...to!-EDH'ECK'Hiieew...EH'rrst'chiew!..Ehh....Oh mby..." Stolas' beak was now buried in a tissue, honking out a miserable blow.

"There ya go...Ya still alive?"

Blitzø's voice was a comforting hum. He nodded and melted back into the groove of Blitzø's neck, feeling utterly pathetic and exhausted. Any preconceived notions about being too forward or keeping distance were out the window.

"Unfortunately."

"Hell-A-Novela?"

"Mm." A tiny affirmative noise was all he got.

"Tch, okay, I gotcha…" Blitzø assured him, his arms tightening around Stolas' shoulders, wanting to keep him close and warm.

The TV played on in the background for a while, the sound of dramatic soap opera dialogue and occasional moans of passion piercing through the quiet of the apartment. He'd periodically look down to check in and from what Blitzø could see, Stolas had relaxed, his top two eyes drooping. The sound of the imp's pounding heart beat against his cheek and lulled the owl like a metronome. Soon, the weight against his chest went slack and Blitzø knew he was out. 

Shit. It would take a lot of time and patience to heal and grow from these changes. He'd never in his wildest fantasies imagined a Prince of the Ars Goetia would give up everything for a lowly imp in the name of love. He hadn't wished for Stolas to lose so much. He knew it was selfish, but Blitzø was grateful for the changes. Things were far from perfect. They could find solace in this shit situation…together. He would be there through the pain as long as Stolas would let him. He wished he could take away Stolas' pain in an instant. The best he could do was rock the man back and forth in his arms and hope it would aid in some way. The imp remembered a time when Tilla had held both Barbie and Blitzø to her chest even as they got older and rocked them to sleep. It seemed to have helped in some way, as he heard soft hoots. He kissed his forehead before turning down the volume on the TV. 

A few hours of scrolling and Hell-A-Novela episodes later, Moxxie came knocking with a thermos of soup, his eyes immediately going to the sleeping form on the couch and then back to Blitzø, raising a brow. "Hey, relax! I'M behaving...The poor guy is sick."

Moxxie, raised a hand in defense, and hesitated. "I didn't say anything!...I was just thinking, maybe something's going around, Sir! I mean, sure the job went off without a hitch, started working with a few of the interns today, and Millie sends her love, she wanted to come by too, but uh…she didn't seem to be feeling well today either. Hasn't been feeling herself all week actually, s'why I…made the soup…"

" D'Aww, what a trooper…knowin' Mill's, she and Loona probably did most of the work."

Moxie got a dreamy look in his eyes, "That's my girl, strong and diligent an-... Hey!"

"Shhh, yeah yeah, dipshit, I know, you're the best shot...but only because the girls're using knives!" Moxxie rolled his eyes fondly as the insult had no real bite.

Blitzø smiled and asked about the client, the local and how the hit carried out. Business had been booming. Feeling bad that Millie had had to power through, he'd have them take a few days off while he and Loona would return to the office and handle more with the new interns they'd decided to take on.

They bantered a little about Moxxie begrudgingly tackling the paperwork for the day. They'd set up Stolas answering the phone and handling the filing and it seemed it would be very efficient and a good outlet when he actively plugged himself in. This recent development, however, would be a minor setback.

Hearing the chatter, Stolas' eyes fluttered open, the room still spinning a bit. He coughed, signalling he was awake and Blitzø's heart sank. Both imps looked down at the sad sight.

"Sorry, Stolas...Shit. Just go back to sleep."

"Crumbs, I am so sorry, your highness, we didn't mean to wake you..." Moxie gave a nervous little wave.

"Oh nonsense, don't trouble yourself at all...I-I'm perfehh-Ed'dhkk'hieew!...Ehhd'rtch'hoo!...Ihht'rtch'hoo!....Ihhkk'tchiew!...Hih..hih-...HEH'rrrtch'chieew!...Eh-Excuse mbe...Oww." Stolas painfully finished, rubbing at bridge of his beak.

"Oh, Bless you!" Moxxie piped up.

"Jesus, Stols, take it easy." It was a sympathetic coo, not a scolding.

"...I'mb okay." Stolas sniffled back thickly and waved him off. He nuzzled back into the burrito of blankets, his blushing beak covered. Blitzø smiled at the four cute tired eyes peaking out.

"Look what our pal Moxxie brought ya!" Blitzø jiggled the steaming thermos in his hand.

"Old family recipe, your highness! Fra Diovolo Pastina! Very hearty and chock full of vitamins and minerals!" Moxxie smiled proudly, but held up an advisory finger, "But, just a warning, it's got a little kick to it, your sinuses will thank you later!"

All Stolas' red glowing eyes stared slowly at the rambly imp and dumbly blinked one at a time from behind the blanket. He hooted out a little sound...and didn't seem to respond beyond...that.

"Uh, S-Stolas?"

"-Oh yes, Splendid...thadk you, Pringles."

Moxxie grimaced, "...What?"

Blitzø cursed and whispered to Moxxie that the fever was probably getting worse. The other imp left with a "Get well soon, your Highness!" Getting Moxx to address him as anything less formal was probably futile. He thanked him for the soup and told him to get home to the Mrs, sending his love, hugs and get well messages to Millie.  

"B-Beta Orionis, P-Pleiades, Castor, Pollux...I-I can't see any of them." 

"Hm?...Whatcha say?...Oh shit, Stolas?!" Blitzø turned back around from the front door to the couch. A blanketed figure now kneeled at the glass balcony door, looking up. Blitzø did his best to approach slowly so as to not spook Stolas who now seemed to be slumped in a kneeling heap, in a panicky feverish trance. He looked up to see all four of Stolas' bright red eyes were wide with tears and aimed toward the sky, hand on the cold glass door.

"Shit...Hey, Pretty Bird, what's goin' on?" Blitzø felt Stolas' cheek. He was burning with fever.

"So c-cold an'…dark and quiet, m'so lost…I can't s-see them anymore, the stars." Stolas slurred and trembled, and looked to Blitzø for answers, "So alone, and SHE-...she's so alone. I-I can't see…I can't see…her. Why can't I see her?..." 

Blitzø sighed sadly, and through his love, words started to come. He wasn't sure they were the right words, but he had to try, "Goddammit…Y-you will, Stolas…Fuck, I can't promise when. I wish I could. This kinda thing hurts like a bitch. S'real shitty, but you're not alone. You keep tryin' and lovin' her no matter what shit happens and overtime…well, she's gonna grow, and someday, she'll realize the shit she's lost, how much good she's lost, losin' you…For now? Octavia is right here…and here." A claw tapped at Stolas' forehead, and rested at Stolas' feathery chest. Via was in his thoughts and in his heart. 

The assassin did his best not to panic as he wasn't sure Stolas could even comprehend anything he'd just said. He put a hand on Stolas' leg to stroke up and down. Stolas moaned and coughed roughly, a croupy raspy sound in his chest.

"Hey…yeah, you're really not okay…" Blitzø said gently as he helped Stolas crawl back over to the couch, placing a pillow behind him. He took a tissue and rubbed away the tears under each eye. 

"...But, you will be okay." At that comment, he swore could see a flicker in the owl's eyes… then the man squawked. The fever had definitely risen at least 3 degrees.

Blitzø grabbed the spoon and thermos, "Now, let's get some of this hot goodness down ya."

Stolas took a cautious sip, the spicy warmth spreading through his beak and down his throat. "There ya go, bird-brain," he encouraged, holding the spoon filled with steaming soup to the owl's beak. Stolas pushed the spoon away.

"Hehht'itchht!...Krrt'chiew!...Ah! Mms- S'wonderful, darling." He slurred and nodded, giving the imp an affirmative look to continue.

Blitzø's heart felt tight, he hadn't heard that nickname in a long while, maybe he was doing something right for once, "Alrighty, then."

Soon after the soup came the after effects of the cayenne, the runny beak and more sneezes. But after he'd blown out a majority of the congestion, Stolas could breathe a little better. After searching in the bathroom, Blitzø had found the bottle of berry flavored Belpha-GOO decongestant and some additional extra strength fever reducer. The problem was that it was a fever reducer…for imps. Welp, Shit. 

Given that his patient had a much taller 9 foot stature and the fact that this was made for much smaller creatures, he could only guess how much to give to Stolas. If Stolas was nearly triple his height, and Blitzø usually only had to take 1 pill, would 3 pills be enough, or too much? And the guy took antidepressants…FUCK. Was it even safe for him to take this? That was a whole other pile of shit. The math was not math-ing. Blitzø stopped agonizing and figured Stolas probably wouldn't die if he took 3 and a cap of the decongestant. He'd possibly just be a little loopy. He was already loopy. 

"Eh, fuck you for being tall, y'big lug." Blitzø rubbed Stolas' shoulder affectionately.

Soon worn-out, they'd both fallen asleep, missing as Gabriella and Alejandro finally embraced with a ridiculously slobbery french kiss onscreen. It didn't matter, the imp and the owl were in a slumbering embrace of their own. And, Loona, when she arrived home later that night, would never admit that she smiled as she'd found the both of them cuddled together underneath the blankets.

Loona glanced at the vandalized memories on the wall that Blitzø had long since scribbled over in self-hatred. And she thought of the picture of IMP's first mission that she'd kept hidden in her bedroom. With that, she took out her phone, and snapped a photo of the snoring couple under the blue TV light. A happy memory. 

She turned off the TV and walked around to the back of the couch to head toward her bedroom. It'd been a long day, but she hesitated. She'd never been good at attachment or affection, but a lot of things seemed to be changing. So she took a deep breath, turned around and briefly nuzzled against Blitzø's horns as he snored and kissed her dad's forehead. She turned once again to go to bed, but she found herself stopping once more, turning around and planting another kiss. This time on Stolas' forehead. 

"...Thank you, Loona." She heard as she finally turned and pawed at the doorknob of her room. She saw four red eyes blinking sleepily at her in the dark.

"For what? You didn't see dick, just go to sleep." Loona heard Stolas' croaky chuckles in response as she opened the door to her bedroom.

"Uh...Thank you."

"...For what, dear one?"

The hell-hound tried to think of the best way to express her thanks. There weren't enough words to say how fucking grateful she was. He'd given up so much for them, saved her Dad's life and made him happier than she'd seen in a long time. She opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a hooty snore. She smiled as she glanced at the couple through the door, before she headed to bed.

"Nah…I think you already know."

[snzysimper]

Pollen of Eden

yippee first Hazbin Hotel fic (excluding that really old one I wrote when I was like 14 😭)

I’m pretty happy with how this turned out. Decided to jump on the bandwagon of writing Ad//am fics. Enjoy.

1089 words

| I am allowed to write what I want and I would appreciate it if you keep whatever rude comments you have to yourself |

The Garden of Eden is the closest to the idea of perfection that is possible, in the mortal realm that is. Adam and his wife Lilith shared the beautiful paradise. Despite being “married”, the two didn’t always enjoy each other's company. However, at the same time, the only company they had was each other. Minus the archangel Saint Lucifer who often came down to chat with Lilith. Something about him left a bad taste in Adam’s mouth. Recently, Lilith had only wanted to be with Lucifer. Adam was a bit jealous to say the least. Who wouldn’t be? You and your partner have a beautiful home to live in together and all they want to do is talk to some goofy angel.

Today was another one of those days where the two had a disagreement and parted ways for a bit. It was always over the littlest things. This particular time it had been about Lilith never wanting to spend any time with him. Adam got fed up and walked a good distance away to be by himself. He found a nice spot in the shade under some trees by a pond. The area surrounding the pond and trees was littered with various flowers. Sitting down, he sighs. He closes his eyes for a bit and only opens them again when he realizes that a duck has made itself comfortable in his lap. “What do you want?” He glared at the duck. Lucifer often spent time rambling on about how much he liked ducks and even gave Lilith her own duckling, which she named Petal. Seeing this duck only reminded him of the two. “You and your little duck friends are always all over the place.” The duck looked back at him, cocking its head and quacking in response. Adam chuckles. “Am I really so desperate for someone to talk to that I’m conversing with a duck?” He gives it a pat on the head.

A gentle breeze blew through the trees and flower field. The duck fluffed his feathers to keep warm. Adam smiled seeing how peaceful and happy it seemed all comfy in his lap. A flower slowly drifted through the air and landed on the ducks back. Picking up the flower, Adam smelt it. He isn’t quite sure what type of flower it is, but it certainly smells nice. Maybe he’ll give it to Lilith as an apology for-

“-’dDSHh-EH!!” His newly found duck friend jerks its head up and looks at him. “Sorry buddy,” he smiles. “Didn’t mean to wake yo..” He paused for a brief moment, tilting his head back slightly. “hEDd’shoo!!” The duck quacks a few times. Whether it be sympathy or annoyance isn’t clear. Nonetheless, it remains on his lap. As the wind continues to blow, pollen from the surrounding trees and flowers drifts through the air. “HDd’tchoo! heEH’d-shEH!!” He rubs his nose, trying to relieve the itchy tickling sensation. He hadn’t been allergic to any of the flowers in the garden before. Maybe this was simply God's way of telling him to stop being jealous. Regardless, he was allergic to the ones currently around him. “ehH-!! hEH!! Heh-!! Ugh.” Yep. This was karma. At least that’s the only explanation he could come up with. His newly found duck friend shakes off some of the pollen that had collected on his feathers. Despite turning to face the other direction and holding his breath, the irritant still makes its way into his system. “hHED-shUH!! hIH heEH-!! Bringing his hand to his face, he holds his nose shut to try and keep from making too much of a disturbance despite being alone (minus the duck). “-ptschh! ‘ktchs!! -dschs!! -tschh!!”

Upon realizing that refusing to let them out was getting him nowhere, he gave up trying to keep quiet. “hED’ch-EHH!! HdD-tcsch!! Eh-t’choo!! I hihh!! ca-ah!!n’t st-stop sne-EH!! hHE’TSCH-UH!!” The force of the last sneeze leaves him with thick snot pouring out from his nose and running down his face. “Eugh”, he grimaces at the thought of what he could possibly look like if someone were to be watching him. A loud gurgling sound is made as he attempts to snort back what he can of the snot back into his nose. Wiping his nose on the back of his hand, he absent mindedly glances down at the grass. It is only then that he notices a red and white corn snake. In a panic, he quickly grabs the duck, stands up and kicks the snake. We don’t recommend doing this under normal circumstances. “Get lost!!” The snake goes flying back in the direction of which it came. Sighing, he checks the area around him for any other snakes before sitting back down.

“Lucifer? Is everything alright? I thought I heard someone shouting.” Lilith wanders through the forest for a bit before finding the red and white corn snake draped over a tree branch like someone's laundry left out to air dry. “Lucifer!”

“I think I may have sssscared him a bit. Oopssss.”

She rushes to take him out of the tree and sets him on the ground. Turning back into an archangel, Lucifer smiles. His hair is a bit messed up but other than that he seems fine. “He is a short way down there. He’s sitting with a duck on his lap.” Lilith smiles. “Thank you, Lucifer.” With a small puff of smoke, the archangel turns into a small dove. Adam is much less likely to be scared that way. Flying alongside Lilith, the two find Adam sitting under the tree. “Adam, dear?” Adam looks up at his wife, smiling. “Hey.” As she sits next to him, he holds out the flower. “I snf wanted to give this to you.” He tucks it into her hair. Lilith giggles. “Thank you Adam.” She kisses him on the cheek. “I thought you’d like it. I know purple is your fa-..heh..hEH-Choo!! eEH’ShOO!! Hed’DCHOO!” He turns away to keep from sneezing on her. Laughing, she wraps him in a hug. “Thank you Adam. I love it.” Adam blushes. “I’m snff glad you li-iIH!!-ke i-IIHT’sSH-Eh!!” Lilith kisses him again, this time on the mouth. “Bless you, love.” The dove lands on Liliths shoulder and she looks at him, nodding. He flies without their field of vision before returning to his angel form and going back to heaven.

God forbid Adam slip up and hurt Lilith. Lucifer now has something he can use against him. But that won’t be necessary. Angels are merciful after all. Right?