#he also mentioned the Philippines in the show and my eyes popped out of my head

[clambuoyance]

Q from XO kitty is literally so kon to me

[purpletaecup]

10 ☾ he said that’s how he still remembers me

warnings: explicit language (cursing), mentions of miscarriage, mentions of infidelity (not rlly but on thin ice)

notes: you guys... this is a long one and it’s kind of fast paced, but we are finally getting some answers and the drama really begins! next chapter will be emotional, that’s all I know. I’m sorry for putting you through all this angst!! also, I wanted to bring some attention to the crisis in the Philippines right now with all of the dangerous typhoons. A lot of people need donations and rescuing, so HERE is a link to a twitter thread of donation drives! Please make sure to check it out, share and help spread awareness!

as always, come talk to me in my ask box! and if you want to be added to the taglist, please send an ask, or reply to this post or the masterlist!

not edited!! sorry if there are any mistakes lmfao i usually am sleep deprived when i write so yeah, there are probably some errors.

word count: 5,614

☾

The days following Jungkook’s visit were dull, if anything. You’ve received texts from Yoongi saying that he couldn’t come visit until that weekend because he had to finish wrapping things up in advance at the company so that he could spend some time with you. You had argued over the phone like teenagers when you insisted that he didn’t need to do that and you could take care of yourself until Jin came back. Of course, that led to him ranting about what the doctor said about monitoring you and your symptoms for concussion and to get him to just shut up about the medical stuff (it made your brain hurt more than it did usually), you reluctantly agreed to his ‘visits’, as you’d rather call them.

[nov. 20, 2020]

It was Friday now and you still haven’t gotten any glimpse of actual memories back, although you have been having these strange dreams that you couldn’t really remember when you woke up. You could only describe the feeling it gave you as ‘sinking’, like you were drowning and you couldn’t escape. As much as possible, you tried not to think about these feelings, and focused more on trying to get to know the version of you who lived in this amazing apartment.

The past couple of days that you spent at this apartment put you in awe. It really was the apartment of your dreams, from the color of the furniture down to the little plants stuck in the corner of that tiny shelf in the kitchen. It was beautiful and so you. The only problem was that you couldn’t find anything to help with your current situation. You scoured every nook and cranny and couldn’t find anything dated after your wedding reception. No pictures, no post-its, notes or anything past that date. What you had found in your apartment, you already knew of (aside from the wedding photos). Past photoshoots, high school photos, a notebook full of movie ticket stubs. There was absolutely nothing in this apartment that gave you a clue to the life you lived during the four year gap in your memory.

You even tried to get into your twitter and instagram from when you were nineteen but you couldn’t log in. Wrong password every single time. When you tried to change your password for social media, the email you used had a different password too. You couldn’t figure out what you could have changed your password to. Every password combination you could think of, you tried, but none worked, so you decided to just skip that and maybe go over it later on. Or make a new one. That could work, too.

You couldn’t even look at your twitter account because for some reason, it was private and that seemed strange for someone with almost 130,000 followers. You could see your instagram account from your browser, but it wouldn’t let you see the pictures and posts in full size with the captions and comments, so you were really stuck.

A quick internet search of your name yielded things you already knew. Former model, current writer (that fact was still surprising to you). Old news articles of dating scandals that weren’t true, except for the one with Yoongi. More news articles about your divorce with no further information than what Yoongi had told you already.

It’s as if any clue about your life during your memory loss is unaccounted for. It seemed like at this point, you could only rely on other people telling you about your life and pray to whatever higher power there was to give you your memories back.

This futile search was beginning to make your stomach churn. You almost couldn’t suppress the bile rising up in your throat. Hopefully Jin would return soon. Maybe he could put all of the pieces back together for you.

☾

Jungkook sat in on the uncomfortable leather couch in Yoongi’s office as he waited for the man to finish up whatever he was typing. He looked through his instagram feed and saw one of your posts from July. For a while, he was confused as to why this picture from July would end up on his feed, but he remembered the new instagram algorithm. Curious, he clicked on your profile and looked through it slowly. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to your posts.

“I forgot to ask but what did you and Yn do at her apartment? She said you stayed over for a couple of hours.” Yoongi asked though his eyes never strayed from his paperwork.

Jungkook looked up at him and pondered on what to say.

“Hm, yeah. I got roped into staying. She asked a bunch of questions and we looked through her apartment and her photo albums. Her apartment’s cute, by the way. Way different from what your house looked like.” He comments.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was bright. Lots of green. Nothing I’ve ever seen in the house you guys shared.”

“How was she when you picked her up? She told me a couple of things but I haven’t seen her yet so I can’t know if what she’s telling is the truth or not.”

It was quiet for a moment, with only the sound of turning pages filling the room, as Jungkook wondered what to say to this. He didn’t really know when to start with you, especially with how different you were acting.

“Well, she’s fine. The personality is definitely different. She seems a lot more outgoing, and she had a lot of questions but she didn’t push. I think she wants to try and figure things out on her own.” Jungkook replies as he continued to slowly look through your previous instagram posts.

“She’s been like that. She hates being a burden and gets really defensive about it sometimes.” Yoongi comments.

Jungkook pauses at your most recent post. He checks the date. September 22.

“When did you guys divorce again?” He asked.

At this, Yoongi looked up.

“The divorce was finalized on September 29, I think.” He answered, but looked questioningly at Jungkook as if to ask why.

“Did you know she was going to therapy?” Jungkook asked again.

Hearing this, Yoongi stood up abruptly and hurried over to where Jungkook was sitting.

“What? Where did you see that?” Yoongi asked as he looked over Jungkook’s shoulder.

Jungkook showed him the post. Yoongi took the phone from him and examined the post carefully.

It was a picture of clouds with text on it. Is this the life we really want? The caption read “as per the advice of my therapist, i’m just here to pop in and say that I’ll be going on a hiatus for a little bit”.

“What the fuck? I didn’t know this!” Yoongi yelled, evidently angry.

Jungkook looked at him confused. They were together for four years, how could he not know that you were at least going to therapy?

The same question was running through Yoongi’s head. He took a seat next to Jungkook to process this new information.

“Hyung, can I ask you a couple of questions?” Jungkook requested.

Yoongi could only nod.

“What was Yn like when you were together? Why did you marry her?” Those were the first questions that came out of Jungkook’s mouth.

He was truly, genuinely curious. Though he’s heard some things that Yoongi had said about you, he never knew the full story.

“We married each other because we loved each other. Wasn’t that obvious?” Yoongi retorted.

Jungkook pursed his lips at this. “Well that's what you tell everybody and yeah we get it, but considering the fact that I’ve barely seen you two together more than two handful of times in the past two years, I had to ask.”

“That’s because we were both busy, but that didn’t mean we didn’t spend time together. Of course you never saw it because you weren’t there and I’m not one to actively talk about my love life. Yn and I both liked our privacy.”

“Okay, then what was she like when you were together?”

Yoongi was quiet for a while. There were a lot of things he could say about you when you were together. He just didn’t know how to articulate it to Jungkook.

“When we were together… she was charismatic, beautiful and intelligent. Something about the way she communicated made you feel like you could forget about all of your worries and live life to its extent with her. She constantly dragged me out to picnics and made me forget about the business and my career. She made me feel young again. And she had so much love and care for people around her. For a long time, I felt like I would never be deserving of her. She was kind of like a sunflower. Or sunshine, you know what I mean?” Yoongi poured out.

Jungkook nodded. He realized that this was the time to try to figure out what happened to you in your marriage. From his conversation with you at your apartment, to the description of you that Yoongi had just given, he surmised that the version of you that he knew was someone different and he could only wonder if Yoongi saw it too.

“Did you ever feel like she changed? In the time you guys were together?” He probed.

Yoongi thought about it for a while.

“Yeah, I think so. I always found it strange that she decided to quit modelling.  When I met her, she said it was all she ever wanted. I never asked because it seemed like a sensitive topic to her, but I supported her regardless. Writing seemed so out of nowhere for her. I don’t know where it came from. Then she stopped wanting to go to business dinners and events with me and after that we just drifted. And in between that, you introduced me to Yura.”

When Yoongi mentioned Yura, Jungkook winced. He had thought about it some nights ago, but he realized that he might have had a hand in your divorce by introducing Yura to Yoongi. Though he knows Yoongi would have never physically cheated on you, he could see how Yoongi and Yura gravitated towards each other. Jungkook had to admit that Yura was a sweet girl. She was beautiful, and when she smiled it was like sunshine.

Yoongi interrupted his train of thought. “Yura is kind of a complicated subject to our marriage. I would never, ever cheat on someone I loved. And I loved Yn, so much. When you introduced Yura to me, I was happy to meet a new friend and that’s all I saw, but the more you made me hang out with you guys, the more I started to see something in her that I stopped seeing in Yn. I never meant to have any sort of romantic feelings for Yura, but it happened and I feel so fucking shitty for doing that to Yn when I’m the one who promised her a lifetime together.”

Jungkook straightened his posture as Yoongi’s confession.

“Wait, what do you mean by that?” He asked.

“By what?” Yoongi looked at him confused.

“What happened to Yn that pushed you to Yura?”

At this, Yoongi scratched his head.

“I wouldn’t say that it pushed me to Yura, but remember when I said Yn and I started getting distant? As time went on, I felt like she changed and I didn’t know who she was. She used to be so bubbly and happy and always wanting to go look at flowers, but towards the end of our marriage, she stayed holed up in our room no matter how much I asked her to spend time with me. Yura, she was happy to spend time with me. She made me feel like I could forget about everything just by talking to me.”

“Yura made you feel like how Yn used to make you feel?” Jungkook cut him off.

“Well… I guess so.”

Jungkook thought about this for a while but narrowed his eyes at his hyung.

“Hyung, answer this truthfully; do you love Yura?”

The tips of Yoongi’s ears turned red after hearing this.

“Love? I don’t know. I like her? I like the way she makes me feel. She’s beautiful and smart and she makes me happy.”

“Hyung, I don’t know if you realize this, but the way you described Yura is exactly the same way you described Yn.”

“What do you mean?”

“It sounds like you started liking Yura because she reminded you of Yn when you met her. So, do you really, truly like Yura? Or do you just like her because she reminds you of what you don’t have anymore?”

Yoongi lowered his head.

“I-I don’t know. I never thought of it like that.”

Jungkook put his hand on Yoongi’s back to comfort him. Obviously, the man was confused.

“I don’t know if this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that whenever I saw Yn, during those dinners or events, she never gave off the vibe that you described her to be. To me, she was quiet, reserved and never bothered trying to get to know us, your friends, or your business. That’s what she came off as. When you told us that you loved each other and that you eloped, I thought you were joking. When I saw her, she just seemed like the typical trophy wife. Just for show. I never liked her and wondered what you saw in her all the fucking time, but now after hearing this, and after being with her for a couple of hours, it’s obvious that something happened that fucked her up and then fucked your marriage up.” Jungkook ranted.

“I think you might need to reevaluate the relationship you had with Yn so we could help her recover from this whole amnesia thing and hopefully figure out what happened. Something definitely happened, but since I don’t know your marriage like you do, I don't know what it is. I feel guilty now after realizing that I might have had a hand in whatever the fuck she was going through. And maybe figure out what you’re going to do about Yura. Can you keep dating her when your feelings for her are based off of your feelings for your ex-wife, who is currently pregnant with your wife and doesn’t know about it?” He continued.

Yoongi took a deep breath, taking all of this conversation in.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m almost done with the shit here at the company. When I go home, I’ll sort everything out and talk to Yn and Yura tomorrow. I don’t think I can keep seeing Yura with the current situation. I have to tell Yn about the pregnancy as soon as possible, but I’m scared because the doctor told me to monitor for residual symptoms for her concussion. I don’t even know where to begin with the situation.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I’m here for you. You have to tell her about the pregnancy before she finds out herself. In the meantime, I’ll help you out when you can’t take care of her. I already feel shitty enough for how I acted with her when you two were married. I feel like I had the wrong impression this whole time.” Jungkook offered.

Yoongi remembered the moment earlier when Jungkook confessed that he never liked you and that baffled him because he thought that you two, of all people, would get along well together. More often than not, he would feel jealous of Jungkook, who had your admiration when you first started dating. He remembered you always asking him to introduce you to Jungkook and it took a year for him to budge and actually make it happen.

“I’m sure you’ll get along now. I always thought you did get along. Did you know she liked you before?” Yoongi asked.

Jungkook shook his head. “I didn’t know until the other day when you had me take her home. It probably would have helped if you told me she knew who I was before you introduced us after you got together. She never acted like she was a fan of my music and admittedly, I was a dick to her.”

Yoongi glared at him. It was a first for him to hear about how Jungkook treated his ex-wife.

“Well, you should feel shitty because she really liked you and your music. For a while, I thought she liked you more than me. If I had known you were an asshole to her, I probably would have ripped you a new one. Hearing you admit you treated her like shit makes me feel like shit because I never knew and just assumed you guys were good with each other. You didn’t do or say anything bad to her, right? You’re not that type of person.”

Jungkook could only pretend to smile at Yoongi as he asked this.

He shook his head and lied. “No, never.”

Lying through his teeth to his best friend about how he treated you made his heart fall to his stomach. Well, Yoongi didn’t have to know because it was in the past. You couldn’t remember any of the mean things he’d said to you, so now was the perfect time to make a new, much better impression of himself to you. He decided days ago that he would be better, because deep down, he knew that you didn’t deserve to be treated like how he treated you.

[nov. 21, 2020]

Yoongi had taken the day off after his somewhat enlightening conversation with Jungkook last night. He decided that he needed to go see you and spend some time with you today, but before that, he needed to settle things with Yura.

They decided to meet up at his apartment for maximum privacy, just in case anything happened. He wanted to account for the worst case scenario of Yura probably getting angry and throwing things around, but he doesn’t think she’s the type of person to do dramatic things like that.

Turns out, she’s not. When he reluctantly tells her that he can’t continue on with what they had because of residual feelings for you, in addition to the fact that there were complications in that relationship that he can’t speak about carelessly, she had reacted calmly and amicably. Though Yoongi hadn’t expected her to throw a tantrum, he was expecting some kind of anger, but all he got was a sad look passing on her face followed by comforting words.

He apologized profusely for having dragged her around when he still had apparent feelings for his ex-wife and not figuring out his feelings for her, or lack thereof, sooner. She reassured him that it was okay and she’ll be fine.

“I’ll be fine Yoongi. I liked you, but it’s pretty obvious that you used me as some kind of rebound or replacement for your ex-wife, and I was okay with it. Truthfully, I was waiting for you to just come clean and break it off with me. I hope you and Yn figure things out this time, and I hope you can talk to her. Communication is important.” She reminds him before she leaves, but not before letting him know that she would always be there for him as a friend.

He had texted her after she left, and after a couple of minutes to himself, that he was thankful for her being so nice about the situation and all in all, he didn’t regret whatever short-lived affection they had for each other.

Yoongi still couldn’t believe how smoothly everything with Yura went. He hoped that the rest of the day would be the same.

☾

You woke up to a message from Jungkook asking if you were free, so you had to tidy up the apartment and yourself because you didn’t want to look messy in front of someone you had idolized for a long time.

Luckily enough, you didn’t have to cook since Jungkook offered to bring food. You thank your lucky stars for that because for some reason, you’ve been feeling incredibly sluggish and nauseous. It was probably some symptoms of the concussion you suffered. You remembered your doctor saying something about that the last time you were at the hospital.

About 20 minutes later, you heard your doorbell ring so practically skip to the door, excited to see Jungkook and steal the food that he brought.

You opened the door to see Jungkook standing there with a big back of food in his hands. He was wearing all black, with a leather jacket that looked a tad too big on him.

“You look warm.” You comment.

He rolled his eyes. “Are you gonna invite me in or not? I even brought you food.”

You laugh a little and move to the side to give him room to step inside the apartment.

“So, what have you been doing?” He asks as he makes his way to your dining room to put the food down.

You make your way to the kitchen to get some plates for the both of you.

“Nothing. I’ve been trying to look for some stuff but I don’t know where to start so I just gave up until you or Yoongi could come help.” You reply as you move to the dining room to set the plates down.

Jungkook takes the food out and puts some on the plates. Kimbap, like you asked, and some seaweed soup.

“How have you been feeling? Okay?” He questioned.

You nodded, though hesitantly.

“Eh, I’ve been feeling kind of tired. I think I might be sick because I keep wanting to vomit. Is that my wintermelon tea, by the way?” You pointed to the drink in his hand.

Jungkook poked the straw through the lid and handed it to you.

“Sick? Did you take any medicine? Are you feeling better now?”

You took a sip of your tea and sighed, missing the sweet taste of the drink. It felt nostalgic.

“Mhm, took some earlier and I'm feeling much better thanks to the food you brought!” You smiled.

Jungkook rolled his eyes jokingly once again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

He didn’t think about your illness any further. It was probably a cold and nothing else.

For about 20 minutes, the two of you ate and spoke about little things, mostly about Jungkook and his career. It helped you get to know him a little bit better since he’s the only person besides Yoongi who could help you in your situation until Jin comes back.

After you finished eating, you told him that you needed his help going through your room in case there was anything that could jog your memory.

“I would ask Yoongi but he’s been busy lately.”

“So I’m just your last resort?”

“You’re literally the only other person in my contact list besides Yoongi and Jin.”

“Right, anyways, lead the way!” He exclaimed.

You laughed as you led him to the room at the end of the hallway.

“Sorry if it’s a little messy, I didn’t have that much time to clean up before you got here!” You explained.

Jungkook shook his head, telling you it didn’t really matter since it was gonna be a mess anyways while you two went through your things.

☾

When Jungkook walked into your room, he was once again hit with the feeling that he had no fucking clue who you were in the past years he’d known you. If he could describe your room in one word, it would be enchanting. White walls, white sheets adorn with a baby blue blanket, wooden floors, giant plants and a mirror much bigger than himself. Your desk was filled with different kinds of pens, different notebooks that look to have been trifled through, and an unnatural amount of books and crystals.

From the looks of the rest of your house, he probably shouldn’t be surprised at your bedroom, but it’s still a bit difficult for him to wrap his mind around the fact that you were this type of person. Bright, intelligent, and incredibly neat.

He walked up to your desk and picked up the different notebooks laid out messily on the table. When he opened each of them, he noticed that they were mostly blank, with the exception of a few doodles. There were some things he’d recognized as lyrics from songs he knew, but nothing truly relevant to the memories you lost.

You stood next to Jungkook and looked at the notebooks in his hands.

“I went through those already. Nothing but a few sad lyrics here and there. None of them triggered any memories.” You mentioned.

Jungkook put them down and started walking around the room with you as you talked about what you did find during the days that you were left alone. What he got from that conversation was that you had no luck with anything and that’s why you waited until either he or Yoongi could come over and help you. Jungkook knew that Yoongi was coming over later, so if he couldn’t help you find anything or answer any of your questions today, then maybe Yoongi could.

“Oh! I forgot to mention that I can’t even access any of my social media, so do you think I can look through my instagram through your phone? I mean, if that’s okay with you. I know some people feel uncomfortable giving their phone to someone else to play around with.” You asked.

Jungkook shook his head and stuck his hand in his pant pocket, reaching for his phone.

“It’s fine, you can look at your profile, I think I follow you. The password is 061313.” He stated as he handed his phone over to you.

You grabbed it excitedly, finally getting the chance to see what your life was like during the four years that were missing from your memory. You fell back onto your bed as you unlocked Jungkook’s phone and clicked on his instagram app quickly.

You took a look at his profile first, staring in awe at the pictures he’s posted. Most of his pictures are very dark and he had quite a few selfies. You smiled a little bit as you admitted in your head that he was indeed handsome.

Okay, Yn, onto the more important things! You thought to yourself as you quickly searched your username ‘faeyn’ on the search bar. At first you were excited, but it deflated when you saw just how many posts you had. 13 posts. And almost all of them were just landscapes. Some had pictures of you by yourself, or with Jin, but that was it. How the fuck were you supposed to try to figure out your life through 13 pictures?

Scrolling through each picture and their captions from the oldest to newest, you quickly realized that you must have decided that privacy was something that should be valued. There was nothing of substance to your situation in the captions you’d written. Just casual mentions of how your day was, or what you did that day. The only thing that caught your eye was the latest post you had, dated September 22. It was a picture of clouds and the caption said something about your therapist advising you to take a break, so you were going to be on a social media cleanse for a while.

Well, at least you learned one thing. Apparently, you started going to therapy again. For what? You don’t know. You only remembered going to therapy a couple of times after the whole incident with your bastard ex-boyfriend.

You filed this little detail into your brain and hoped that maybe it would make more sense later on. Swiping up on Jungkook’s phone took you to his home screen, but you paused for a little. Maybe you could snoop through some more apps and see if there was anything else you can find.

No, that would be an invasion of Jungkook’s privacy, you thought. Another part of you argued that he wasn’t going to know and he’s here to help you. If there was anything worth hiding, he wouldn’t have given you his phone and his password so easily. And if there was anything, it wouldn’t be incriminating since he mentioned that you two didn’t really know each other that well, so you shrugged and clicked on his messages.

I’ll just see if there are any messages to me. I won’t look at anything else, you justified, as if it made it any better.

After scrolling for a little while, you finally saw something worthwhile. A text convo between you and Jungkook and from the preview of the message, it looks like it was from the middle of September. You opened it, excited to see the contents, but what you saw made you furrow your brows.

What is this?

☾

After Jungkook gave you his phone, he continued walking around your room until he got to the side of your bed that was next to the window. He looked around for a bit and saw something in the corner of his eyes. Crouching down lower, he saw something on the floor behind your headboard. He couldn’t tell what it was at first, but as soon as he moved closer, he realized it was a thick notebook. Jungkook surmises that you probably hadn’t seen it despite telling him that you looked ‘everywhere’. He took the notebook and sat down on the floor, completely hiding his figure, but not before he could look at you. He wanted to see what was in the notebook before he showed it to you, and luckily enough, you had been facing away from him.

So he sat down and opened the notebook. From just the first page, he could tell it was some kind of diary or journal. There were lots of drawings and stickers and a picture of you in a field of flowers right in the middle of the first page. He flipped through the whole notebook really quickly and found that half of it was already filled.

A part of him wanted to read through the whole thing and see what kind of things you wrote, but another part told him that it wasn’t appropriate. Despite that, he convinced himself that he should read maybe just one entry, just to see if this notebook was something substantial to your current situation.

Jungkook took a peek at you again and noticed you still had your back turned to him so he took that as a sign that he could probably get away with reading an entry. He flipped to a page randomly and focused his eyes on the writing.

The entry was dated August 4, 2020. Fairly recent. He noticed that there were some dark blotches on the paper that made the ink bleed.

He began to read the entry, not knowing what he was going to find out.

It still seems weird to be writing about my problems in a journal. I’m still not used to it, but it’s been helpful since I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this.

That made him frown.

I went to my OBGYN today because I’ve been having severe cramps and bleeding, but I already had my period so I was worried. And the cramps were starting to really hurt, so I had to go get it checked out just in case. Well, apparently I was pregnant and lost the baby.

Jungkook’s eyes widened and he gasped audibly. Luckily enough, it wasn’t loud enough for you to notice. He clasped his hand over his mouth at the disbelief in reading this information. A miscarriage? And so recent, too. He didn’t know how to feel. Yoongi had never said anything about this.

Jin actually just left my house a couple of hours ago. I don’t think the news hit me until now. I texted Yoongi earlier to tell him but he was busy so I think that was a sign that I should probably not tell him. It’s not like it matters right? Since the baby was gone anyways.

I know my therapist told me to stop with the negative self-talk, but it’s moments like this that really push me to just keep thinking I’ll never be good enough for the men that I love. Thanks to my bastard ex for fucking my mind up like this. No matter how hard I try, I always just circle back to the fact that I wasn’t good enough for him, and that I’m not good enough for Yoongi. Even fate is telling me that I’m not good enough to carry a child with the man I love. How fucked up is that?

Jungkook’s heart dropped to his stomach. He felt sick. There were so many things going through his head right now. He felt like he was violating something that was so private. Yoongi didn’t even know that you went through this. You didn’t even know you went through this. He shut the journal quickly, wiping the tears that formed in his eyes.

At that exact moment, he heard your heavy breathing and quickly got up to check on you. He walked around to your side of the bed and found you trembling with his phone in your hands. He noticed that his messages were open and he began to panic.

“What the fuck is this?” was the last thing he heard you say before your eyes rolled to the back of your head and you fell limp into your bed.

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[lettersfromthesoutheast]

Pop Culture | Crime Stories and Make-Up

Curiosity is embedded in me like a vein. I always like it when I get to know a lot of things. I like the feeling of knowing a lot because I have this pabibo side in me– I like it when I get to share my tiny bit of knowledge to my friends or to other people whenever I get the chance (although I know not everyone will be interested, but it’s a different kind of satisfaction when I get to educate other people on things they obviously had no idea about)

Anyway, this post is not purely about that. I just wanted to say that generally I am a curious person, not the type of curious who would try out dangerous things; but the type of curious who’s always wondering about what has happened, what is happening, and what might happen. Stemming out from this curiosity is being slightly paranoid that something bad might happen to me– **TRIGGER WARNING**

like getting abducted, raped, tortured, and killed. (so scary!!)

So if you mix this curiosity and paranoia together, you get me. Last May, I stumbled upon Bailey Sarian’s facebook video where she talked about a true crime story while doing her make-up. I can’t remember what particular story it was but I remember being hooked and really interested. It was only a short while when I discovered that she has a YouTube channel where she uploads full length videos of her talking about true crime while doing make-up. She calls this Murder, Mystery, and Make-Up and she uploads a new episode every Monday. Upon discovering this, I went and proceeded to watch almost all her videos. Being in quarantine has made it possible for me to have a Murder , Mystery, and Make-Up marathon! I got kind of addicted and I love her. Now, I patiently wait for her episodes every Monday. If you are also a True Crime junkie, you can check her YouTube Page

On the other hand, I also wanted to share my discovery of a Filipino YouTuber who goes by the name of Martin Rules who also makes videos about Philippine True Crime Stories. S/He (I’m sorry I’m not sure about his/her preferred pronoun, so Imma stick with “him” for now) mentioned that Bailey Sarian inspired him to do this series in his channel. As of now, Martin has 27 videos and all of these videos are about true crimes that transpired in the country.

The picture below shows some of Martin’s videos. The fatal fate of Ruby Rose Barrameda, the Vizconde Massacre, the murder of Jennifer Laude, and etc were among the crime stories that Martin talked about in his videos. It’s really interesting to watch plus it opens our eyes to how the justice system works here in the Philippines. If you watch his videos, you can actually notice a pattern on how murder cases in the Philippines are dealt with.

If you’re also a mystery / crime story junkie like me, you can check these YouTube pages out and watch their videos whenever you are feeling bored or just simply want to procrastinate. Hehe.

Also, Kris Lumagui, a Filipino lifestyle / beauty vlogger also has almost the same series in her channel. She said she’s call the series “Sa Gabing ito” where she will also talk about Philippine Crime stories. Her first episode was this >>>>>>

and her second episode was about Isabella Guzman (that girl who suddenly got famous in TikTok the previous weeks)

When I saw Kris’s videos, I immediately thought that she was inspired by Bailey’s Murder, Mystery, and Make-up. However, she did not want to give full credit to Bailey because according to her, her peg or format will not be entirely the same as Bailey.

This was what she said after uploading her first episode.

Uhm, okay Kris. I respect that. You do you. *wink

Anyway, I think I still prefer Martin Rules’ series and I believe he’s not getting enough attention for his efforts in making these Philippine True Crime Stories videos. I just wish his channel will grow more. On his most recent video, I left a comment and made a suggestion for him to make a video on the Mendiola Massacre or the Hacienda Luisita picketline shooting last 2004? I guess. There was a documentary film about that entitled Sa Ngalan ng Tubo. Now I am hoping to see my suggestion in his Phil. True Crime series list.

Okay, that’s it for my first ever post about Pop Culture. I’m not even sure if this is considered as Pop Culture but I will try my best to continue making posts about what is currently trending especially here in the Philippines. I also want to venture on making posts related to Politics and express my stand on social issues. We’ll get there, eventually. Ha ha ha.

See you on my next post! Bye!

[starryace]

my personal introduction to vav

so i have a few friends who’ve been wanting to get into vav but dunno where to start so... i’ll just do this lil thing. obviously there’s gonna be my own opinions so don’t take everything i say to heart but like... here we go

vav (very awesome voice -- pronounced vee-ay-vee but i say vav bc im lazy) debuted in 2015, but when they debuted they had a different lineup. zehan, xiao, and gyeoul all left to pursue other activities. ziu, lou, and ayno joined the group in 2017! the fandom is called vampz because of the groups original concept but we don’t talk about that

title tracks/mvs: *under the moonlight | *brotherhood | *no doubt | *here i am | venus (dance with me) | flower (you) | abc (middle of the night) | she’s mine | spotlight | gorgeous | give it to me | senorita | **so in love | **thrilla killa | **i’m sorry | give me more

* = pre-line up switch! | ** = without jacob (due to his participation in a chinese program)

more about the members under the cut!

st van (lee geumhyuk)

note: during updating i ended up having to redo this entire section bc my computer deleted it all... sigh.

everyone’s dad

kinda gives off party vibes, like a cool club dad, you know?

super duper soft :(( he laughs at everything and he loves gentle things and he may be the oldest but he’s babie

gets really embarrassed really easily and blushes and laughs it off

oh! he also laughs with like... his entire body ekhrbgj

tattoos! on his shoulder and right arm

full sleeve completed

self composed the track “im sorry” off of the thrilla killa album

he lived in china for 13+ years and can speak fluent (if not, almost fluent) chinese

he’s super good cook and he wanted to be a chef before becoming an idol

loves jacob :(( with all his heart

weird but he can drink a lot of water really quickly, that’s his special talent

got a dog with the group! her name is cash and she’s super cute

im sure there’s more but i got mad after my computer deleted everything so i’ll get back to updating this part when things dawn on me

baron (choi chunghyeop)

dancer extraordinaire! he actually used to be in a dance team before vav

smiley boy ;;;; literally he has the prettiest smile and the nicest teeth

he can play the piano and a lil guitar im p sure!

he’s honestly a lil shit but we love him anyway

he’s very mom like, and loves taking care of the members, but i spy with my lil eye someone a lil more mom-like but that comes later

he choreographed a cover of shape of you!

unfortunately, his mom passed away early this year (may she rest in peace).

his nickname is baby prince (from his mom) and it was because of his mom that he was able to become and idol

baron singing??? yes,,, yeS!! his voice is godsent istg

he loves loves loves music and dance

wont shut up about millennium dance studio

was the pizza delivery boy in minx’s why did you come to my home

has a very intensive skin care routine

he!! loves!! food!! constantly nomming

ace (jang wooyoung)

remember how i said how i thought there was someone more mom like? meet ace.

literally babies everyone

eSPECIALLY ayno + ziu (sometimes lou, when lou will let him)

sassy, diva, can also be a lil shit -- esp with baron... 92 line is just lil shit line

lil fucking tease, too--

he has an oral fixation-- licks his lips a lot no bueno for me

teal hair? god tier. senorita? also god tier. everything about him? god tier.

plays the guitar... see senorita

“you’re doing wonderful sweetie” but like... a living version of that

abs... abs for days..........

works out with jacob

dimples!! but it’s more prominent on the right cheek.

god he’s??? literally ethereal. like i can’t put into words how pretty he is

he ;;;; has the purest, most sweetest heart

they need to start letting ace have more lines bc omg his voice ;;;;;

really good with kids ;;;;; they love him

he’s a BIG flirt, it’s like when he opens his mouth the only thing he thinks to do is say “i love you” or “you’re mine” or smthn

Prince Wooyoung™

ayno (noh yoonho)

was on no.mercy -- still kinda keeps in contact with monsta x now (hims was lil babie minhyuk)

yknow how baron is dancer? so is ayno -- aYNO IS GOD TIER DANCER ok he ;;;;; ugh he’s literally so talented

he raps too! also god tier

hims a soundcloud rapper -- dropped zero coke (mixtape) and god that boy is talented

self composed their song touch you (aka one of my fave vav songs)

ace’s baby... really, he’s vav’s baby, but still

fake maknae to the max. it still baffles me that he’s older than the others ima list

hims also pretty shy, but it’s real cute ;;;;

lou has such a big fat crush on him and he’s always embarrassed by it

he zones out a lot and is very mellow & quiet until something inside him switches and then he’s like BAM loud and crackhead

ziu.... brings out... the crackhead in him lbr

former happyface ent trainee w/ ziu

puppy!

also really good with kids!! prolly bc he is a big kid himself erhbjeg

often writes his own raps for songs

jacob (zhang peng)

resting bitch face to the max

800% done with everyone’s shit

chinese member!

he was performing in a chinese show called all for one -- his team got eliminated (sad) but that means he’ll be returning to the group (happy!)

that’s why he wasn’t in so in love/thrilla killa/im sorry

hims loves his st van

he also eats... a lot.

ok but like... he works out with ace, right? boy has such chiseled and nicely defined abs, it pains me

he’s a happy lil sunshine boy

savage as fuck

his smile literally adds 5 years to your lifespan

all of the members miss him so much ;;;; its honestly super wholesome and every once in a while they’ll be like “omg cobi would love this” or “jacob....... we miss you”

but then you have shithead lou being like “i mean... its nice having the room to myself” wrehbjehg

he dance too! idk what type of dancing it is but he does it!!!

he was in the chinese movie “the dreamer on the catwalk”

BRING HIM BACK ATEAM PLS I MISS HIMS

HE HAS RETURNED AND HE’S STRONGER THAN EVER

lou (kim hosung)

my #1, my one and only, my precious sweetheart

tall as fUCK

has a deep ass motherfucking voice

grew up in georgia as a kid (can speak fluent english) and then the philippines when he was a teen!

kinda the more quiet & reserved member

but dont let that fool you......

he too is a lil shit

AND A CHAOTIC GAY -- ziu bothers him a lot but he has a big ol’ crush on ayno and he never shuts up about how pretty he is and how much he loves him

he can be a grouchy lil bitch too tho hkerbjeg

in this interview baron and st van were being cute and he’s just in the corner like “youuuu shouuuld daaaate” -- gay. in the same interview thats one instance where he wouldn’t shut up about ayno

hims a rapper too!! he often writes his own raps for songs (much like ayno)

his own mixtape (goodnight) literally is so nice i listen to it all the time

he has a vlive thing he does called lou-dio and it’s real cute

big ears = the cutest thing ever ehkrbgjeh

he collects a bunch of stuff!! like pop figures and toys, like souvenirs from everywhere they go

he was in the youtube webdrama “lemon car video” (eps 1, 3, 7, and 8)

his stage name is lou (pronounced “low” but i refuse to say that) because his voice is so low

ziu (park heejun)

chaotic. just chaotic. chaotic gay, chaotic maknae, chaotic man.

he’s the real maknae tho... doesn’t look it, huh?

manly af

literally so charismatic and funny as hell

wants kisses + love + attention from everyone

goes in for a kiss -- everyone else usually backs away but he’s always disappointed that no one gives into him

kisses kisses kisses

did i mention kisses?

he makes a lot of random ass noises all the time

screm... lots of screm. like you know opossums?? think that kinda screm.

his vocals ;;;;; his singing voice is so, so nice ;;; i adore it.

his room is dirty af i could NEVER

he does some really questionable things sometimes... see here.

like i said, i cannot express this enough... he’s so charismatic. so charming. so handsome.

also!! super hyper fluff ball. hims cute.

aegyo up the wazoo too

former happyface ent trainee with ayno

was in the fri.sat.sun teasers by dalshabet

can get p loud & annoying but that doesnt change how much we love him

idk if any of that made sense... but there you go! there’s so much more to vav and everything they do and who they are, so i hope this just kinda gets more people to look into them? it’s a stepping stone, not everything possible to learn.

+ keep in mind, a lot of this stuff comes from both kprofiles, what i’ve seen in videos, and my own personal opinions & inputs. so... yeah. don’t use what i say as truth/fact unless you see stuff to back it up (or you adopt it as your own opinion idk).

thank you for taking your time to read this!!

[jalapeno-princess]

Got7 Reacts to their S/O being Filipino

I hardly see any of these “reacting to their s/o being Filipino” and as a Filipino myself I wanted to make one for my fellow Filipinos! Here we go~

Mark

Being from California, I’m sure Mark is familiar with Filipinos and he would be excited to learn more about your ethnicity, the culture and the language. One day, he would hear you talking in Filipino to your aunty on the phone and he would stop what he’s doing just to sit next to you and pull you on to his lap and just stare at you with such love and adoration in his eyes because he can see how much speaking to your family in your native tounge means to you and he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever. Your aunties and cousins would always rave to you about how “gwapo” they think he is, but you didn’t tell him what it means to prevent his ego. He would constantly ask you to teach him things in Filipino or ask you what certain things mean. “Babe, we’re going to the Philippines soon. Do you think you could teach me a few things to say to the fans?” “Sure, like what?” ”Mark is the best looking member in Got7.”

Jaebum

With JB, I feel that he likes learning new things especially when it comes to that of other cultures, but I think he would refrain from trying to learn the language (homeboy tries his best to avoid English even though it’s so cute when he does speak it) so he wouldn’t want to butcher Filipino. He’ll let you do your own thing. But being the amazing chef he is, he would want to learn how to make your favorite Filipino dish to show you that he genuinely cares about you and is willing to learn more about your culture to make you happy. He even plays some Filipino music here and there because when he has you translate the lyrics, they’re just as meaningful and well written like korean songs. (Yo could Jaebum sit and learn how to cook a Filipino dish for me @God pls I’m so deserving) “Why does this dish require that much fish sauce? Is that even legal?”

Jackson

Jackson has been vocal about how he dated a Filipino and he’s mentioned that he has Filipino friends. He can even count (lol up to 5) in Tagalog, so I can see that he knows a little bit about Filipinos and he shows a lot of respect towards the Filipino culture (especially since you two started dating) and like Mark, he seems like he would want to know anything and everything there is about Filipinos. He would come home and say something to you that he learned through a friend (or google translate) to impress you (even though he would make mistakes at least he tried). “Hey babe, my friend keeps calling me “pangit” what does that mean? Smart? Sexy? Charming?” “Lol, pangit means ugly.” “Well teach me something mean I can counterattack with!”

Jinyoung

Jinyoung is another one who seems excited to learn about different cultures. Since he’s an avid reader, he would read a lot about the history of the Philippines and would want to learn more about the city you came from. He would even watch some Filipino dramas and take some pointers he could use for his own acting. He doesn’t seem like the type to eat anything but korean food, but he’ll buy you anything filipino he sees to show you how dedicated he is to learn more about you and your culture. He even learned some basic words and will answer to you in Filipino when you’re least expecting it. “Love, I bought you some pandesal and balintawak.” “What’s balintawak?” “It’s a filipino sweetbread with pink filling HOW DO I KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR CULTURE THAN YOU DO? GAGA.”

Youngjae

Our sweet little ray of sunshine had already experienced a bit of the Filipino culture the first time you brought him to one of your family parties. He couldn’t believe how big your family was and how lit Filipinos could get. Your family encouraged him to join the karaoke session they were having and he gave them a run for their money. Your uncle even jumped on a song with him and they ended up singing a few duets together. At the end of the night, with how well he was getting along with everybody, it’s as if you were at one of his family’s parties, not yours. He always asks you when the next time you’re gonna get together with your family is. He just had so much fun and he loves how tight knit Filipino families are. “I just saw your aunty stuff her purse with a bunch of food. Is that normal?”

BamBam

I feel that Thai culture is similar to Filipino culture, so he has the easiest time understanding your culture and becoming accustomed to it. He’s very respectful towards Filipinos and he has you teach him the do’s and dont’s when it comes to your culture. He loves Filipino food because it’s reminds him of Thai food (we both love our patice). He also is very curious about your upbringing and comes to find out it’s just like his own. The two of you always talk about your hometowns together and you always tell him about how much you miss home. That’s why he planned a surprise trip for the both of you to the Philippines and he can’t wait to see the look on your face when he gives you the tickets. “Mahal Kita sweetheart.” “Aw BamBam, I love you too.” “Also, PUTANGINA MO.” (Runs for his life).

Yugyeom

Last but not least, our cute little maknae. I feel that he would be the most shy out of the members when it comes to asking you about where you came from, the foods you grew up eating, Filipino beliefs and stuff like that just because he doesn’t want you thinking he’s joking around. He’s genuinely interested and curious in that of Filipino culture. He would search it up before asking you, but then he would come and tell you things you didn’t even know yourself. He’s come to learn about the cool dances that Filipinos do and he begs you to teach him some of them. (Can you imagine his giraffe ass doing the tinikling and getting his legs all twisted up in the sticks I’d pay good money to see him and BamBam do that shit honestly). “Hey, that guy is wearing some cool ass pantalons babe where can I buy them?”

Well I hope you guys enjoy! I’m sorry if this sucks. This is my first (and probably last) reaction this idea just popped in to my mind and I really wanted to do it. Credit to the gif owners!

[angeltriestoblog]

Second sem (and freshman year) recap

It’s pretty hard to believe, but another chapter of my college journey is finally over and done with. Since I had ended the first half of the school year in such high spirits, I didn’t really believe upperclassmen when they warned that things were only going to get harder from there. In fact, I even thought I’d be the one to prove them wrong! I mean, with a class schedule that looked like this, how would I run out of time for all the things I both needed and wanted to do? My Tuesdays and Thursdays were practically free, save for that one Math class I had to attend in the morning that I surprisingly never cut.

For the most part of the semester, I was in a chill state compared to everyone else. I claimed that I had successfully adjusted to the demands of higher education to the point where I found what once was an unreasonable workload to be manageable. I was able to make time for my home org’s activities and devote enough attention to the only project I was deployed to, which I touched on a bit in my first recap blog post (linked here in case you want to jog your memory). As previously mentioned, I was assigned as one of the Documentations Heads under the Information Management department of the Career Building Program, a three-phase event that gives its participants a glimpse into the corporate world. We kicked things off with a resume writing workshop that I was lucky enough to join. The facilitator assigned to me gave useful insights that I was able to apply in the creation of my own curriculum vitae, which I am keen on using when it’s my turn to apply for internships and jobs in the future. I obviously don’t have much on it yet, seeing as I’m just a freshman, but the idea of filling it up with more experiences over the years is exciting me in ways I cannot explain.

Our group was even given the opportunity to explore the studio of the country’s biggest network, where we were briefed by executives in communications and IT and toured around the sets of our favorite shows. We even ran into Luis Manzano while he was filming Minute to Win It! Unfortunately, I wasn’t scouted by any representative from Star Magic and spontaneously put in a love team with Donny Pangilinan, but I guess that’s alright.

I also went to Talent Night with some friends (not in pictures: Gela's boyfriend and ICA barkada), which is shocking since I’m honestly not the type to attend parties like this. I’ve always been the girl who stayed home and binge watched YouTube videos on a Friday night. But, I guess the drunk confidence of those I was with rubbed off on me and I managed to pull through! It was also a plus that Timmy Albert was one of the performers: I do pass him by along the corridors quite frequently, but it’s just different seeing him sing and play an instrument in front of a crowd, especially since I’ve loved Roses and Sunflowers even before I got into Ateneo.

One surprise that I definitely did not see coming was participating in Daloy, our annual program that revolves around corporate social responsibility. This year, we decided to shed a light on how this could be seen in the Philippine clothing industry, so it seemed fitting to hold some talks featuring prominent figures in this field, as well as a fashion show to exhibit the collections of local brands that advocated sustainability. I was really interested in the concept when I first heard of it, and initially wanted to go as a mere audience member - little did I know that I would be tapped by the committee to model! To this day, I don’t know how or why I was chosen: from what I know, there were even screenings held a week prior to the event to determine who would get to walk the runway. But, I was messaged three days before and in that short span of time, I had to fit clothes, find pieces in my closet to match them and perfect my walk (which took several tries on my part, given the fact that when shy, I’m stiff as a board).

Agreeing to join was a huge step out of my comfort zone - the closest I’ve ever come to strutting on a catwalk was back when family members would ask me to “walk like a fashion model” as a kid during reunions. So, the fact that it had all paid off in the end, and that I was even complimented for the way I looked and performed beyond what was probably expected, was definitely a huge confidence boost for me. I couldn’t have done it without Nelly, Daloy’s project head who patiently guided me through the entire process before the show.

Shoutout as well to the other ACTM upperclassmen who were so friendly to me this school year. We may not have any pictures together, but you deserve a spot on this post nevertheless: Gella, my "boss" (hehe) who was always so patient when I asked questions and even went out of her way to say such kind words about my writing; Sam Que who made me feel like we had already known each other for so long even if we had just talked for the first time, and Ysagab who constantly reassured me that I was doing a good job even if I was looking like such a rookie.

My presence in events wasn’t limited to those of ACTM, though. I also went to the Loyola Film Circle’s Under the Stars, where I was able to see the live performances of OPM acts and watch one of my favorite chick flicks beneath the beautiful night sky. Since it took place the day after Valentine’s, I was surrounded by Ateneans and their significant others (who didn’t hold back at all when it came to publicly displaying their affection), but I didn’t even mind since I was content in the company of both my college constants and high school friends.

I dropped by Sulyap as well, which was the culminating activity of the Ateneo Heights Writers Workshop and the launch of the chapbook of their fellows. It was one of the busiest Fridays of the school year, but I still made it a point to go, because I wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to be a part of something organized by my dream org, Ateneo’s premier literary publication. As much as I love my course and the people in it, I have to admit that I haven’t been able to exercise much of my creative side. So being in a room full of like-minded individuals and hearing them speak lengthily about their works and the process that brought them to life was a refreshing experience, a much-needed break from the usual routine. My personal favorite was Unica Hijas by Mikaela Regis, which revolved around a lesbian couple trying to make their relationship work despite the fact that they study in a conservative, all-girls high school - a setting which is all too familliar to me.

It’s also worth noting that I was sorta able to tick a particular item off my freshman year bucket list. And I say sorta, because… well, you’ll see. It’s been a dream of mine ever since to watch a UAAP basketball game live, show up to the arena in a bright blue shirt, cheer as loud as I can when a player makes a point and raise my fist in the air while Song for Mary plays in the background. But, even if I’m consistently in school by 6am, I was never able to get tickets - I couldn’t match the efforts of some fans, who would camp overnight just to get their hands on them. But, just when I thought there was no more chance for me to show my school pride at a match, my friend Mika offered me a free ticket to the Ateneo Lady Eagles’ volleyball match against FEU at the Filoil Arena one Wednesday. We weren’t really on speaking terms before because we were from different cliques, but after bonding over K-Pop, I saw how nice and chill of a person she actually is. So, I didn’t want to turn her down even if I was hesitant to go at first. You see, I was never a fan - in fact, I didn’t know how the game went despite the PE lessons I had back in Grade 5. (Ms. Abella, if you see this, I’m sorry.) But, it didn’t take a lot of convincing for me to agree and I ended up enjoying way more than I thought I would. Fortunately, I was able to catch on when it came to the rules of the sport: the energy of the crowd was contagious as well, and the performance of the players was way too good it was impossible not to shout either out of triumph or frustration. Once we made it to the finals against UST, I even found myself waiting for announcements on where to buy tickets. I didn’t get any though, because they were either sold out due to the ever-increasing demand (ALE fans don’t play around) or there was a conflict in schedule (hi, Enlit play).

Despite this, I streamed the last game and screamed like I was actually in the venue myself. Apologies to all our neighbors, who probably thought someone was getting killed in the house beside theirs. I was so proud when they brought home the championship after three years, I even bought a Team Ateneo shirt (it’s not that hard to guess whose name is on the back) and went to the bonfire with my friends Gwen, Julia and Lou. I had hoped to meet and take a picture with the players, but they were already far too wasted when I arrived. Like, seriously. I saw Maddie Madayag chug a whole bottle of Mule right before my eyes.

So, you could say that it was all fun and games (quite literally) for me until hell weeks eventually rolled in. Plural form intended. I found out that all my professors were just holding back every major requirement until the very last stretch of the semester. Suddenly, my schedule was chock full of presentations and final papers, comprehensive exams and extra classes that put my time management and endurance to the test. I spent many days in Matteo Down just like before, but also started going to the floor above it in case I wanted to suffer in the company of more people. The studying would only continue once I got home: I’d pull all-nighters despite my brain’s and skin’s desperate cries for help, as manifested in my worsening acne. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that stressed in my life, and it’s scary to think that that’s only the tip of the iceberg in the Ateneo.

Coping mechanisms I’ve picked up to help me deal with these unavoidable circumstances would be trying every restaurant along the Katipunan area whenever I had free time (which I will elaborate on more extensively in another blog post, so do watch out for that!) and eventually discovering Pancake House’s corned beef hash, which I love so much I once had it thrice in the span of a week. Another one would be the addition of yet another emotional support K-Pop boy to my collection. After watching My ID is Gangnam Beauty over Holy Week break, I fell in love with Cha Eunwoo and his god-tier visuals, mild demeanor, impressive English skills and heartfelt determination. This led me to binge watching reality show episodes and furiously putting the entire discography of Astro on loop. If you look at my Last.fm, you could see how Crazy Sexy Cool easily climbed to the top of my most played songs, sitting prettily at the #1 spot with over 300 plays in just a little over two months.

Although I constantly had to bear the pressure and stress on my shoulders over the past academic year, I am eternally grateful to Ateneo for equipping me with lessons both within and beyond the realm of academics that have helped me grow into someone I never imagined, but am happy to have turned into anyway. When my naive and starry-eyed self first entered college, I had such high hopes for what my experience would be and proceeded to map out the next four years of my life in accordance with the vision I had in my head. Having just broken free from the metaphorical chains of my previous school, I found it to be the perfect time to transform into a student who excelled academically, had a long and winding list of extracurricular activities and easily built a vast network of connections thanks to her pleasing and magnetic personality. If I got lucky, maybe I’d have one of those so-called “college blooms” and even get myself an actual boyfriend!

This isn’t something unique to me, I bet a lot of people entered this new stage of their lives with the same mindset so I wasn’t the only one in shock upon realizing that it doesn’t always play out that way in real life. Because of these ridiculous expectations we have implanted in our heads, that basically state that we have to be successful in everything we do and fast, we subconsciously keep ourselves from enjoying the process. In our desire to aim high and aspire for perfection in all that we do, we could end up failing to acknowledge the small yet equally important wins we gain along the way: the friend we make outside of our block despite the sheer discomfort we experience in meeting new people, or the answer we gave in class that impressed our most intimidating professor could appear minuscule when placed beside our goal of being straight-A student who’s active in seven orgs. In addition, we deprive ourselves of the allowance to make mistakes, stray from taking the detours and breaks we need to remain functional human beings and often drive ourselves to the point of fatigue and burnout. And when we are still not flourishing and thriving as planned, we fall prey to toxic comparison: we pit ourselves against others who don’t have the same background or circumstances as we do and question why our progress doesn’t match with theirs.

This is obviously such a toxic way to go about things. Talk about sucking the fun out of what’s supposed to be the four most enjoyable years of our lives. Thankfully, over time, I did some growing up, if you will, and channeled the power of acceptance - both of what I am and what I am not, and the will of God (or whichever supreme being you've placed your faith in) who meticulously planned out what’s ahead of me before I was even old enough to know what school was. I now work to the best of my ability, confident that all I have to do is put in my share of the hard work and see where it takes me, and am also more gentle with myself when I make mistakes.

On a somewhat lighter note, I’ve also been able to form my own opinions about very controversial issues on campus: an example of which would be what I think is the best CR - the answer is definitely Arete. You can’t go wrong with its triple killer combo of aircon, bidet and strong WiFi connection. The only possible downside could be the fact that there are usually a lot of people, so it’s not the best option if you’re planning on being loud and… um, smelly. The secluded and fragrant Leong Hall and ever-reliable New Lib restrooms come in second and third place respectively, while honorable mentions include the 2F Kostka CR (but only from 6:00-7:00am, when no one else is around) and this one specific stall in the Socsci building that's spacious enough that I can bring all my belongings inside with me.

Another point for discussion would be the superior place to eat on school grounds: this might cause an uproar, I’m aware, but I still believe it’s JSEC, despite the stark price difference compared to other cafeterias on campus. I was set on trying something from every stall before the school year ended, but I was too fixated on my top picks: I don’t have any regrets though. In fact, I wish I had more of the beef salpicao with calamares on the side from Casa Paella, the Superbowl from Blendabowls and The Coop fries with garlic aioli served on the side. Besides the fact that the food served is satisfying beyond measure, I enjoy the chit-chats I have with the ates and kuyas manning the stalls, who never fail to ask me how I am and tell me about the cute chinito boys they see on campus that they think I might like.

Although I can’t completely rule out Gonzaga, because of this particular stall with quality liempo and a kuya who always gives me a five peso discount. (I’ve been told he does this with girls he finds cute, but I have yet to confirm that). Also, it’s the only place on campus that I know of that sells fresh fruits by the kilo - perfect for those days when I try to convince myself to go on a diet before I relapse and binge eat at Pancake House.

A lot of people do say that ISO sisig is worth the cross-campus walk it’ll take to get there (e-jeep rides are more recommended! An experience in itself! Especially if you’re seated in the back, where there’s a constant feeling of being sucked in a vacuum! But, I digress) - it might just be a matter of preference, but I think it’s overrated. A destination that deserves more attention is the Cervini Hall cafeteria just by the university dormitories. I’ve only been there a grand total of two times so I don’t exactly have any specific favorites on the menu that I recommend, but I’d definitely still go for the homey ambience.

As for superior study places, Matteo Down has been tried and tested several times: I do prefer getting a place opposite to the entrance though, because it does get distracting having to see people enter and go out the door so often. What was supposed to be a study session often ends up becoming a game to see how many people are wearing a striped shirt today. I usually spend time on the fourth floor of the Rizal Library, and get the couch as often as I can because of the comfort (and charger) it provides.

Of course, I wouldn’t have been able to power through this year without the help of my closest friends: Sevi, Gwen, Raya and Christine. I always had this nagging fear in the back of my head that I wouldn’t be able to find a tight-knit group once I got to college, but thank you for proving me wrong. Thank you for letting me be my true self, for entertaining even my most random thoughts and for accepting all the kalat that comes with being my friend. I sincerely hope that we stay together and have more Gino’s dates in the future along with Chloe!

To Gela, Jill, Shar (and Dom, but we don’t have any pictures together except for the last one HAHAHA) - I didn’t expect at all that I’d be writing about you guys. I was so intimidated by all of you at first, because I felt like we were so different in terms of our upbringing and environment. But after getting to know you, I came to realize that you are seriously some of the most down-to-earth, chill people ever. Thank you for always providing quality chismis, volunteering to find me chinito boys to date and giving me apps to make my IG stories look cuter.

To the rest of X1, we weren’t exactly the most united and we knew that - it’s just that we were probably the most diverse out of all the groups in our batch, and with that comes clashing personalities and differing opinions and interests. But, nevertheless, I am content with the time we managed to spend together, where I was able to get to know all of you!

To the friends that I made outside of my block (and even my course), thank you for laughing at my jokes and telling me that I'm fun to talk to. Hopefully, we get to hang out more and maybe even have common classes in the future hehe

To my Enlit section, we barely spoke to one another during the first semester so I fell under the impression that you were all stoic and no fun to be with. But, I was proven wrong eventually. I wish I was able to talk to more people in LL, but to the classmates I was closest to (Dootie, Cyrah, Czarina, She and Jessa), I will never forget our side comments and mini-rant sessions. I heard we’re having another English subject come sophomore year, and I really hope I end up with you guys again.

All in all, there is no other word that could sum up the experience that was my freshman year in college better than “adventure”. It was every single emotion on the spectrum All At Once, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world - in fact, during the first half of the semester, I admit that I’d entertain thoughts of alternate universes where I’d be an Iska/Lasallista/Tomasino out of sheer curiosity, but now I just can’t imagine myself anywhere else. Anyway, enough with all that drama. I’m going back to school in three weeks to start my summer term, which we fondly (lmao) refer to as intersession. So, there’s technically nothing to miss.

Hope the rest of you enjoy the summer break that I unfortunately will not be able to experience until I graduate from college! Wishing you nothing but love and light, always.

Angel

[carleencl]

🎤 DAY6 Youth Tour in Manila 2018 Experience

October 6, 2018 - 3 months late but all the feels during the concert is still alive and kicking! I just can’t fully put into the words on how to explain about the whole concert. I’m literally.. speechless. Anyway, this is the day that marks my first ever concert under the JYP Entertainment label. In the past, I’ve only went to K-Pop artists’ concerts under the YG Entertainment (cause I’m reallyyyy a YG Stan from the start).

This time, I have witnessed a very good artist by the name of DAY6. They are not your ordinary K-pop group since they are a band consisting of 5 members namely: Jae, Sungjin, Young K, Wonpil, and Dowoon. Each member has an instrument they are good at and also everyone sings (although Dowoon is new to singing and I believe is starting to have vocal lessons.)

DAY6 Youth Tour in Manila was instantly sold out during the ticketing day. I was relieved and thankful that my friends and I got tickets for their concert. The concert was held at KIA Theater in Cubao, Quezon City and started at 7 in the evening and ended at around 10 o’clock.

The day actually started by having to wait in a very very long line to be able to get our wrist band and another line for our sequence number as we enter the venue. If I’m not mistaken, I think it took as about 3 hours until we were able to be inside Kia Theater. Thus, once entered, I have no decent photo with the “Youth” sign since we were in the standing area, having a little bit of sore legs, and all the excitement feeling we had.

BTW, this is again another first time for me to be in the standing area. I’ve always been choosing seated area since I don’t really like being “squeezed” in a crowded area.

The band started the night with the songs: "I Smile," "First Time," and "Better, Better."

The crowd cheers as the group finished their first set. YoungK even said, “Manila, I heard you guys are great singers. I heard you guys know how to sing.” which made MyDays cheered louder.

The concert continued with the songs, “Say Wow,” “Pouring,” and “Somehow.” The feeling of all of us was literally “in the moment” of watching DAY6  perform before our eyes.

In between I think I heard Wonpil said, “Mabuhay Philippines! Ako si Wonpil. So... so hot today.”

Next songs were: “I Need Somebody,” “I Wait,” “How Can I Say,” followed by “Like That Sun.”

Everyone were extremely screaming when YoungK said, “You guys are amazing, incredible, sensational, spectacular, unbelievable. Thanks to you guys I feel really happy." Well, who wouldn’t scream, right?

More songs were played by DAY6 and it were “Be Lazy,” “DANCE DANCE,” and “What Can I Do.”

“WARNING,” “I'm Serious, “Talking To” were up next in the band’s setlist.

A little pause from all those singing to be able to talk to the fans. Jae started talking how sweaty his shirt is.

Jae: "I dont think my shirt has ever been this sweaty. You want me to take it off?"

Fans were chanting to take his shirt and Jae was like taking it off but didn’t do it. He was just teasing us! 🤣

YoungK spoke next said, “My shirt was always like this.. “ as he was referring about his sweaty shirt.

Wonpil mentioned that the food in the Philippines is delicious and then the crowd shouted “Jollibee! Jollibee! Jollibee!” Wonpil asked, “What’s Jollibee?” YoungK even asked, "you guys hungry?" And the added, "ME TOO!!"

I’m really amazed how DAY6 can perform almost non-stop but still give an amazing performance. No regrets in supporting the band. 💙

“Shoot Me,” and “Congratulations” were performed next. The fan chant for “Shoot Me” was beyond amazing since we actually sang the song with DAY6.

“Congratulations” was the song all MyDays were singing while DAY6 were playing their instruments. I also think I heard Jae say, “Beautiful“ as MyDays were singing the song.

Everyone was singing along with “You Were Beautiful,” “I Loved You,” and “I Like You.” After, Wonpil said that Filipinos are great singers.

DAY6 were hinting that the show was almost over then the crowd shouted, “walang uuwi (no one will go home).” The boys didn’t know what it means but Dowoon started playing drums with its rhythm and the others were like chanting/sang along with MyDays while saying “walang uuwi. 😂 🤣

Next song played was “Letting Go.” Jae mentioned that MyDays are beautiful - “ang ganda niyo.” Sungjin even said “mamimiss ko kayo.” The boys promised to come back in Manila.

A video was being played which is the fan project for DAY6. The video has “Beautiful Feeling” as its background music which I think is very very right with how everyone feels during that night.

Here’s the official VCR for the Fan Project:

©️ MyDays PH

After watching the fan project, DAY6 got so emotional about it and I think they were speechless during that time. The crowd were cheering “DAY6″ continuously as to show how we truly love and support them.

JAE: “I know, I know you guys have been waiting. First of, we're sorry we can't come by earlier. But, I'm so sure we're coming back to Manila. And uhmm, thanks!

I think today, was a big event for us and if you don't mind we'll go one by one to just kind of tell how we feel today. Okay, Wonpil.”

WONPIL: “So today we are finally able to perform here in the Philippines. We always thought to ourselves when will we able to come here in the Philippines and I'm so happy that we are able to perform with a hot passion from you guys. You guys are actually more than what we expected. We heard you guys actually scream from behind the scenes before we start the whole show. So I think because of that we were able to perform our very first song with a great energy.

I'm so happy we were able to perform here in the Philippines even if the Philippines is quite far from Korea. Also the fact you guys are supporting us from here is really thankful, and I'm very thankful for you guys.

I think we're going back to Korea with great memories made here and just like the title, "Youth," we are in our youth right now so I hope you guys will all have a great youth. And also, I think that we will be able to end this concert well. Mahal ko kayo!”

YOUNGK: "So it was a great honor and pleasure to hold a concert in front of you guys, Philippines, Manila. And what I felt today was like Wonpil said, even before, even from the beginning. No not even the beginning, before the beginning you guys were singing along, right? And one of the songs that I could here the loudest, “Geureol Tende” (I Would). Oh man, I was excited even at the backstage and just like Wonpil said, you guys are more than what we expected, you guys were amazing. It's just a pleasure to just sing in front of these amazing people. And I feel like every time I feel this pleasure or like this "thankfulness," I feel like I should work harder. So basically, you guys are my motivation.

So, how was today? Even though they were sad songs. Are you guys happy? Are you guys as happy as I am? (crowd says YES!) Then I guess this show is a success. And that's all I ask for, that's all I wish for. By singing in front of you guys, if you guys can feel happy, if you guys could go home. There's a line in DANCE DANCE, (speaks the Korean lyrics).

Can you please translate? (referring to the Korean translator)

"If you go home you will be satisfied for you won't forget this feeling."Are you guys gonna do that for me? (The crowd cheers, YES!)

Okay, then we will be back! Thank you Manila! Thank you and salamat po!"

DOWOON: My first time Philippines. Thank you for good memory.

This is our first time in the Philippines, right? So we were kinda worried and nervous that we might not do well here in the Philippines. But I realized I did not need to worry because you guys enjoyed so much.

Thank you all for coming tonight! Sobrang saya ng gabing ito. Tama ba? (Tonight is so much fun. Is it right?) Thank you!

SUNGJIN: First of all, I'd like to say sorry for making you guys wait a lot. When I first saw your phrase, the one you are holding up, something came up to my mind right away. Even if we have been loved for a long time, we are worth it. You guys are so worth it to be loved.

Just like what Dowoon said a while ago, we were quite nervous and worried for this concert but because of you guys were able to perform well.

So thank you so much! So until the next time, it won't take that long. Let's see each other again! Thank you!

JAE: It's really.. It's been an amazing night with all. And I have reasons to come here cause all my music inspiration are from here. Uhm you guys know, AJ Rafael? Anyway, I kinda grow up doing music through YouTube and I learned a lot from artists that are from here. And I just want to thank you guys, thank Manila, thank Philippines for giving me music pretty much.

So thank you for that and I mean like we all say before, we're really sorry we couldn't come earlier. We really want to, honestly wanted to.

The food here is good. What did I eat? Yesterday I had, I don't know if I pronounce it right but.. I looked it up, I looked it up before I came. I was like, "I gotta have, gotta have lechon." It was really really great. You guys have amazing food here.

Overall, guys I don't think I have ever sing that much, as in ever in my entire life. It was an amazing intense night. Also I think, I ever not sing the first part of "You Were Beautiful." But you guys were so loud and so beautiful, I couldn't. I just can't.Overall, tonight, I got a message for everybody, "Ang ganda niyo!" (You are beautiful)

Their words were very touching that really made every MyDay teary-eyed. DAY6 mentioned that they really wanted to come to Manila even before and were very thankful for the warm welcome for them.

Afterwards, Sungjin invited everyone to take a photo with the banner we were holding saying, “The wait was long, but you were worth it”.

Crowd were cheering for DAY6′s encore. The band sang last three songs which were “Wish,” “Freely,” and “Sing Me.”

The boys were extra hyper during the encore that even Sungjin and Jae went closer to the crowd. Lucky lucky fans who had close encounter with them! 😭

The show ended at around 10 in the evening, having 3-hour concert. I really am just at awe how good they are at performing live. 😍 I felt DAY6 is just so awesome that they deserve every recognition and future awards they’ll received. 😭

Compiled some short clips I had during the concert, and feel free to watch it.

SETLIST

I Smile First Time Better Better Whatever! Say Wow Pouring Somehow I Need Somebody I Wait How Can I Say Like That Sun Be Lazy DANCE DANCE What Can I Do WARNING! I'm Serious Talking To Shoot Me Congratulations You Were Beautiful I Loved You I Like You Letting Go Beautiful Feeling (Fan Project)

ENCORE Wish Freely Sing Me

Even though it has been three months already, the lyrics mentioned by YoungK is still true and I repeat: "If you go home you will be satisfied for you won't forget this feeling." I think I won’t forget the feeling during that night ever. To DAY6, I might be a newbie but you are so worth it in every aspect. Again, the wait was long, but you are worth it.

[nitaescence]

BTS | Scenario #5

|When you’re mentioned to them in a broadcast|

A/N : I changed it from the original “reader being mentionned (only) on TV”. Hope you’ll like it anyway :O

Pairing : Idol!BTS x Reader

Genre : Fluff

Word Count : From 400 to 700.

Kim Seokjin

Seokjin’s accepted to appear as a guest alongside Jungkook in a famous Korean TV show in which other famous people are also invited. Watching diligently the progress of the program, he’s regularly asked to give his opinion on various topics or to talk about his life as an idol and the other members. However, when the opportunity shows itself he doesn’t wait for any of the hosts to give him a voice and says some of his ‘dad jokes’ out loud - most of the time leaving the guests and audience to cringe while he laughs, slightly embarrassed along with very few people.

After his fourth joke, one of the hosts decides to linger a moment on the matter. “Mr. Seokjin, where do you get all those puns?” The audience laughs at the funny face he’s making as he leans forward on the large table towards where Jin and Jungkook are seated. “I mean you’ve got to have a very creative mind to make them. I want to know where they come from.” He continues leaning back in his chair.

“Some pop into my mind more easily than others since they’re not that hard to create and don’t need that much inventiveness to come up with. It usually comes in the heat of the action. ” Explains Seokjin, proudly. 

“Do the members find you funny?” The same host asks again, very interested, and the audience laughs. “I don’t mean it in a wrong way.” He says looking at the public. “Jungkook, do you?”

Camera focuses on Jungkook who’s only been staring at the hosts with a shy smile on his lips. “Some of his are good.” Camera zooms on his face. “But they’re scarce.” Guests and hosts laugh again and Seokjin only smiles back.

“Can you do one right one?” One of the guests asks him.

“Let me think.” Seokjin looks down, thinking hard as everyone watches him. 

“He’s probably exhausted his jokes’ store for the night.” Comments the second host making others smiles. When the camera focuses back on Seokjin, he’s seen waiting for his turn to speak.

“I found one... What does the dog say when it sees a wall?”

Cameras film guests, hosts and the audience trying to find the answer.

“A dog? When it sees a wall?” Enquires one of the hosts. “I have no idea.”

“Me neither... What does it say?” Adds the other.

Seokjin’s image is slowed-down, anticipating his answer then put back to normal speed and zoomed. “Wol-wol.” Seokjin instantly bursts into laughter, his face turning red and he starts hitting on Jungkook’s arm who’s only smiling back and trying to protect his arm. One of the host laughs alongside the audience while his colleague remains unfazed.

“Wait... Do you seriously find it that funny?” He asks his colleague.

“I liked it. You didn’t?” He looks back at him then at Seokjin, motioning a thumbs up.

“I don’t think I could bear his jokes on a daily basis. Just... Look at how my body reacted.” Camera zooms on the unfazed host’s forearm. “It made me have goosebumps.” Everyone on the set laughs at his remark.

“Sometimes, members really have a hard time keeping up with it but then again it might be even worse for his girlfriend.” Comments Jungkook earning round eyes from Seokjin.

“What about her?” He yells, not expecting him to mention you. “She loves them and always asks for more. She even started to invent hers.” He adds chuckling lightly.

“Are they better than yours?” Enquires on of the host.

Seokjin regains his composure and answers with a straight face, “Not yet.”    

Min Yoongi

In the BTS Bomb video, the group is seen in the backstage, getting ready to perform their new songs. Different cameras focus on each member throughout their preparation. Yoongi appears very focused, not minding the staff around him. Makeup artists and hair stylists give him finishing touches when a man yells at the group to gather and get on stage for the first recording.

Several minutes pass by as all the members rehearse their choreography and correct small things going wrong along with the sound check. Fans are then allowed inside and the show can begin. Images of the group greeting and talking with them are shown. They follow up with another song and choreography before going backstage.

Now exhausted and sweaty, they all scatter to catch their breath and cameras follow closely to know more of their first impressions. Yoongi is sat on a chair and ventilates himself with a small fan. 

“I think the performance came out well... As well as this whole first promoting week. I’m quite satisfied with it. ARMYs were great. Thank you all.” He smiles lazily at the camera, making love signs with his fingers.

Yoongi is seen looking away when one of the staff members calls his name. He gets up and leaves then Jimin is seen walking towards the camera initially filming Yoongi.

After some time, Jimin looks past the camera to gaze at Yoongi coming back with his hands full. “What do you got?” asks the younger man.

Yoongi smiles thoughtful while staring at the small package in his hands walking next to Jimin. Jimin watches him silently and tilt his head to look at what Yoongi’s gazing. A small note with black written words on it. Jimin looks up at the older man, smiling knowingly. “Everyone, Yoongi is a very lucky man. Whoa, he’s really lucky to have this person looking out for him.”

Yoongi turns his head to look at the camera too, his face illuminated. “Just when I thought this day couldn’t go any better.” He shows the package, quickly enough for the viewers not to be able to read what’s written on it. “I’ve just received home-cooked meal from a person very dear to my heart. I’m going to go enjoy it. I love you, all. Bye.” 

Comments below the video after its release all mentioned Yoongi acting all cute and soft because of you and what you’ve sent him. They all noted the difference before he got your gift and after, pointing out how much in love he is. 

Jung Hoseok

The members are shooting their upcoming album photo jacket and cameras record it. The different sets are ready and the boys start coming one by one for their individual shoots. Everyone’s goes smoothly and they all compliment each other, watching the shooting’s progress.

Hoseok is as enthusiast as the others, appearing all smiling and handsome as ever. “Hi!” All of a sudden, his walking shifts to a funny one and he sports a serious look on his face until he reaches one of the cameras. “I’m here to work.” Then chuckles and goes back to his normal self. “In this photoshoot our individuality will be mostly highlighted. The sets look great. I’ll do my best. Please look forward to it.” He leaves when one of the photographers calls for him.

He goes to settle himself in the set specially prepared for him and the shooting can begin. He takes different poses that goes along with the feeling sought as his solo song plays in the background. He is then seen coming out of the set and goes to take a look on the computer to see the results. The camera zooms on his focused face.

“Woah, the pictures look great. The staff did an awesome job. It came out very cool and I’m happy! You’ll be surprised when it will come out. Now that I’m done with my part, I’ll be going home. See you tomorrow!” He waves at the camera and walks away.

The next day, the groups is filmed coming out of the makeup room. Seokjin greets cameras firsts stating he’s ready for another day of shooting. Behind him, Hoseok is seen as the last one to join the rest and Seokjin looks behind him. “Oh, our J-Hope...” He forces Hoseok to come next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. “You look a bit tired today.”

“Really, I feel more tired than Suga has ever been in his entire life.” Hoseok blinks several times to the camera, looking exhausted. “The makeup staff did an incredible work to shade off my dark circles.”

“Tell us what happened.” Demands Seokjin looking straight at him. Hoseok smiles tiredly, looking away. “Are we thinking about that same ‘certain someone’?” Hoseok shakes his head not saying anything else when Seokjin looks back towards the camera, lightly chuckling. “Everyone, last night I heard Hoseok in his hotel room spending long hours talking to that person and now he can barely open his eyes.”

“We had a great conversation.” Argues Hoseok and then a staff member calls for them to join the others to do the unit shooting. 

Kim Namjoon

“Is it working?” Namjoon’s face appears very close to the camera as he checks if the video is recording or not. “I think it is... Of course, the network is unstable. Do you see me?” He asks out loud, staring a the screen. 

“Ah... What do I do if people can’t join? Vlive, please work.” He keeps staring for a while. “Ah. It’s working. It must be working. I see people commenting. They’re saying they see me. I think it’s settled.” He fixes the device in a selfie stick he’s holding in one hand, making sure he’s appearing entirely in the shot. 

“Let’s wait a bit for everyone to join. I’ll start when reaching 1,000 viewers.” He leans back against the bed’s headboard next to a light and starts thumbing on his phone with his other hand. Then, he looks back at the small screen in front of him. “There are 287 249 viewers right now... 300 561. Okay! Let’s start. The network is still unstable though...” He pauses, reading some comments.

“Hello. ‘Hello. Hi. Japan. Indonesia. Russia. Philippines. Hello. I love you.’ I love you too. ‘Your hair looks great. I love you. Hello from Spain.’ Hello. ‘Hey Namjoon.’ ... Okay. It’s been a while. It’s good to talk to you, guys, again. I just came back from our fan meeting and thought about going on Vlive.” Namjoon keeps leaning back and forward as he talks.

“The meeting was great. I had a lot of fun, me and the members. Right now... Right now, I’m at a hotel. I just took a shower. I’m bare faced... The Wi Fi in this hotel is unstable... ‘I passed my exams.’ Congratulations. Wait, should I turn these on?” He thumbs on one corner of the phone and the next second an animated emoji appears on his face.

“Let’s choose one. A cute one. Okay, this one. So what have you been up to? ... Like I said, I came from a signing event and had a good time there. It’s always good to see you. The atmosphere was great too. It’s always a pleasure to travel abroad to meet you all ... ‘I’m eating.’ Bon appetite.” He chuckles and decides to lie on his front.

“Okay, everyone. Let’s talk together... Reading people talking about food makes me hungry.” He giggles. “ The tour is doing great so far. Concerts are sold out. This warms my heart. I love you so much ... ‘Have you been missing someone lately?’ Wait... Do you have a particular ‘someone’ in mind?” Namjoon grins and sits back up. Comments follow one after another about the person being you.

“I do, in fact... I’m sure everyone knows who I’m talking about ... ‘Call her. Talk to her. Dial her number.’ Wait, let me turn this angel thing off... I won’t call her, I can’t. She must be sleeping by now. I’m not even sure she wants to be recorded... But we talk whenever we can. I miss her so much.” Namjoon smiles as he gazes at his phone’s wallpaper, picturing you two, for a couple of seconds before looking back at the device recording. “Okay, let’s move on!”

Park Jimin

The group is recorded doing a fanmeeting in Japan. The atmosphere is great and members have a good time interacting with everyone present there. The fans are getting ready to come on stage and get their albums signed. Jimin is situated at the other end of the long black table, smiling and sending love signs to the audience, waiting for the first fans to reach him.

He signs, laughs along with people he meets and holds hands, making sure everyone leaves with a smile. He winks or make funny faces now and then to the public while greeting the numerous fans coming to him.

While waiting for the next persons and playing with cute plushies fans have offered him, he hears his name being shouted. He instantly looks up towards where the sound has come from, trying to find who’s calling for him. He waves when he’s located the person. 

“I’m so jealous of Y/N!” Shouts the same voice.

“What?” Asks Jimin.

“Y/N is such a lucky girl!” 

Jimin smiles shyly and resumes signing his autographs, preferring not to mind the remark. Later on, while playing with a toy he’s taken from Namjoon who’s seated next to him, he hears the same voice again.

“Jimin!! I want to be Y/N” 

Jimin doesn’t look up right away and he can feel Namjoon’s stare on him. Soon after, another person start shouting too.

“Y/N and Jimin are couple goals.”

This time he takes the microphone next to him and brings it in front of his lips, thinking about ways to formulate what he wants to say.

“Everyone, from now on let’s not mention her... Okay?”

“Yes.” Sing the fans in one voice.  

Kim Taehyung

Taehyung is invited to a late-night radio talk show alongside two others celebrities to discuss music and songs that are not listened to by many people. The talk show also allows them to discover unknown albums, brand new artists and even older ones that have never cracked the music market. 

“First, I’d like to thank Taehyung for accepting our invitation to join our humble show. The other guests are regulars and we’re still tankful they always take part in our shows but we really appreciate Taehyung’s presence with us tonight, since his schedule is quite hectic.” The female host speaks out.

“Oh, don’t. Thank you for inviting me. I’ve been listening to your station for a while now and I’m really grateful to be here with you all.” Taehyung’s velvety low voice answers back.

“I think I’ve read somewhere that you’re actually really fond of musics that are not too popular.” The male host carries on.

“Really?” Intervenes the female voice.

“Yeah, that’s mainly the reason I said yes right away when we offered me to be in your talk show... But, yeah... I like finding unpopular music on the internet or anywhere else and I guess... I love even more the feeling I get when I know that an unpopular song will please me... for a very long time, you know? I cherish it even more... in a way.”

“I totally understand what you mean. That surge of emotions when you like a new song grows a lot more when you realize it’s not mainstream.” proceeds on one of the guests.

“Right? Some people tend to feel bad when they see that they’re not getting the attention they deserve and I can totally agree with them... but uhm-... I also don’t want them to be too ‘reachable’. I think it gives a more intimate side to the piece of music.” Taehyung adds. “I don’t know about you...” He chuckles lightly.

“Yeah, in a sense we feel this sort of attachment to the artist and to the song but sometimes they’re too good to just let them be unheard. That’s one of the reasons we created this talk show.” states the female host.

“Yes but only resolute people stay up ‘til late to get to know them.” adds her colleague.

“I’m sure the number of our listeners increased a lot since Taehyung’s here and they’ll all get to hear about great creations so don’t go anywhere those of you listening.” Sings the woman.

“I just want to get back to the interview you gave a few days ago, related to your enjoyment regarding those unknown songs and our radio. You’ve said... that... it was your girlfriend who made you listen to us.” Inquires the male host.

“Yeah. She’s the one that told me about you.”

“So if all those songs, playing throughout the broadcast, will reach a wider audience it would be thanks to her.” comments the male host.

“Was she listening to the radio when she told you about it?” wonders the other guest.

“Just... That time...” Starts Taehyung, “I think, I think it was when I got home after practice late at night. She was still up, writing some papers and had let the radio play in the background. After showering, I joined her and that’s when that one song was playing and I asked her about it. She explained the concept of the talk show to me and ever since then, that song is in my media player.”

“Wow, that’s funny. Like... If she decided to go to bed earlier or chose to work without music maybe you wouldn’t have found about us.” laughs the female host.

“I was surprised I’d never heard about your talk show before... I like that she’s also into unpopular music and from time to time, we share our discoveries. These days, when I’m not too tired, I put your show on speaker and fall asleep to it.” Smiles Taehyung.

“Now we can brag about Taehyung being one of our fans... thanks to his girlfriend.” Chuckles the male host.

Jeon Jungkook

To promote his upcoming solo album, Jungkook has to record a video being both the host and the guest. Half through the live, he decides to tackle questions that have been sent beforehand to the staff from fans and viewers. 

“Wait a second. I need to go get them.” He gets up and disappears behind cameras to reappear with a stack of yellowish paper in his hands.

“As you can see,” He speaks out, letting himself fall back on the comfy red bean bag, “There are a lot of questions.” He looks through them rapidly and gazes back at the camera, smiling. “Let’s not wait any longer!”

He lets out small chuckles as he reads some of the words. “Okay, starting with this one. It’s from Je-” He interrupts himself, quickly glancing at the staff with round eyes. “Is it okay to say usernames out loud? ... Okay, let’s just read the questions. You’ll recognize yours if I say it either way...” He looks back downward at the small paper.

“So... ‘When starting working on the project, did you already know what your songs would be talking about?’” He raises his eyes to the camera “Uhm... When I first started working on my album, I hadn’t any settled ideas on all the lyrics and melodies... Only for the ones I had already thought about. But... Working on them, as I already knew how I wanted them to be, it... Uhm- It made it easier to come up with original ideas.” Jungkook picks the second question. “Oh, and also, not to forget mentioning that my crew helped a lot when I was in a dilemma. So shoutout to you guys... This album is also existing because of you. Thank you.” He adds, sporting a funny crying face.

“Next question. Or rather next questions. This one has several. I’m going to read them all first - ‘To what extent do lyrics in your new songs reflect your personal life? Is one of them dedicated to your significant other? Does she support your music? Did she in some way take part in the making of the album?’” Jungkook stares a while at the paper, thinking about answers to come up with.

“All my songs are partially ...or even sometimes, entirely based on my personal life. On Issues and experiences I’ve encountered along the way. Of course, lyrics have sometimes to be romanticized for the sake of rhyming or rhythm so it’s not always...  authentic, I guess. But it also depends on the subject at stake, feelings I want to share with my audience. So- uhm... Yeah, my personal life plays a great part when writing my songs.” He looks back at the other questions.

“Regarding that, saying my love life is never sought would be a lie. Love has been a recurrent theme in all my songs, lately. In its different forms. But, yeah... In this one... In this album, I can say my girlfriend has inspired me a lot and therefore I can answer your question saying that actually... all of these songs are dedicated to her. She was always in my ming while making and producing them. She’s also my greatest supporter. Along you, my dear fans of course.” He smiles shyly. “I think that people that knows us both very well can points out the different features of hers highlighted in each songs. That would probably be... her way of taking part in my album.” He laughs, looking directly at the camera. 

[hanskhownm]

PANIC CAUSED BY FAKE NEWS

Reporting News plays a very vital role in the daily lives of people around the globe. Through News, we get informed about the current state of surroundings, the possibilities of a particular phenomenon to happen, and whatnot. News is like oxygen. We need News to get updated about social and political affairs, current, and what’s popping around the globe. ‘Knowledge is power,’ they say. That is why being informed is essential as it gives you the advantage of knowing and being informed.

In the Philippines, News can be categorized into two things – fake and credible News. Fake News is not new to us Filipinos. I suppose it isn’t even unique to others as well. With the evolution of media throughout the years, digital media has emerged and made communication easy. Digital media can also be referred to as “Online Media”. The term ‘online media’ prioritizes the element of connectivity or how they connect with other media, mainly computers, and more recently mobile telephones. Social Media played a vital role in making fake News rampant. Social media, being defined as a group of Internet-based applications that build on the ideological and technological foundations of Web 2.0, and that allow the creation and exchange of User Generated Content.” This just means that the platform could make communication easier, which in turn helps the consumer establish its own ideology. However, with the accessibility of social media, it’s easier for people to post anything and create anything that may cause harmful effects.

The negative effect that social media brings can also be related to the risk of technological determinism. Technology is the defining dimension of the media that overlooks how users shape them or the broader sociocultural and economic environment which produced them in the first place. Consumers of technology and social media may be exposed to the harmful side of the platform.

As they say, you can know everything on the internet. However, it is guaranteed that not all can be true and credible. Since then, fake News has caused a panic among the netizens because some can’t even distinguish which is false and true. Even just a hint of fake News can cause people to be panicking. Fictitious or contrived News is referred to as fake News. It's similar to making up a story or telling a lie without any reliable information or facts. Fake News is a false rumor that may not impact a small scale or a trivial topic, but can have significant consequences when circulated on a large scale or a crucial matter. Fake News can take many different forms.

Politics is one of the most common places where fake News may be found. When the elections approach, this type of News is most likely to spread. One of the goals of this type of News is to tarnish a politician's or a political party's image in the public's eyes. People with nefarious motives circulate such information to tarnish your reputation and help their party win. Others with self-serving or entrenched interests are accused of misleading people by spreading fake News in this way. The irony is that this kind of information spreads like wildfire and receives numerous comments, shares, and likes. Ignorant people are caught in the web of these stories. With this, being media and information literate has been part of our culture.

According to Matthew Arnold, the public mass is raw and uncultivated. Hence it needs to have a culture to police the disruptive presence that it has. You could compare it to the fake news culture that the Philippines has. There needs to be a catalyst to debunk all these lies.

Earlier I mentioned how social media played a vital role in the spreading of this fake News. And how this fake News, once passed across the media platform, can cause panic. In Marshall McLuhan’s work, he showed how to contain the seeds of a profoundly critical portrayal of the media’s social impact. Meaning, media can impact people in a way that can cause panic per se.  He consistently emphasizes how media can also shape and disorient how we, the public, create our way of thinking. That is why we must learn to be media and information literate to prevent such adverse effects of media among us. With that said, I am going to give you ways – that I learned from my MIL (Media and Information Literacy) Class -  on how to be information literate and spot fake News right away to avoid the panic that it causes:

1.       No identification

-          For an article to be verified as authentic, there must be a list of names of people accountable for the information it states. Otherwise, it might be a piece of fake News.

2.       Unverified Aggregation

-          Be wary of websites that copy (aggregate and curate) content nowadays.

3.       Article Submission News Sites

-          Make sure to be knowledgeable of the websites that give out information. Such providers must be credible. Examples of credible news websites are ABS-CBN News, GMA News, CNN Philippines, etc.

4.       News Trending Sites

-          Be wary of the sites that pick out selectively from viral and trending posts in the internet.

5.       Learn to Recognize Satirical Sites

-          Make sure to distinguish what’s humorous, irony, exaggerated information not to be a victim of fake News.  

The world is facing enough crisis. Do not put more fuel into it, be a responsible social media user. As citizens, it is our responsibility to help one another combat any form of fake News that might cause panic or harm to the people around us. We have to be information literate, and media literate. It might be challenging, but together, we will prevent fake News if we help one another.

 REFERENCES

·       Storey, J. (2006). Cultural theory and popular culture. an introduction. Harlow: Pearson Prentice Hall.

·       Taylor, P. A., & Harris, J. L. (2008). Critical theories of mass media: then and now. New Delhi: McGraw Hill/Open University Press.

·       “EDITORIAL - Fake News in a Crisis.” philstar.com. The Philippine Star, March 24, 2020. https://www.philstar.com/opinion/2020/03/25/2003251/editorial-fake-news-crisis.

[supergirlimaginesfic-blog]

Supercorp - The Fame AU

Request: Singer!Kara Actor!Lena  Kara is on tour around the world and Lena is invited to the ellen Show, and they talk about her career and ellen ask her about her life with Kara

a/n: omg this was such a cute idea LOL thank you so much to whoever sent this! This may have taken a little longer than I’d like to admit because I got carried away with “research” and kinda binged Ellen’s interviews on youtube... oops. I love kissing ass, this entire fic is just me kissing their ass and building up the two nerds so hard. You will see what I mean

- - - - -

“Alright, enough, I get it. Stop clapping, I know I’m awesome.”

The crowd laughs and the clapping eventually dwindles. Ellen grins at the crowd good-naturedly before addressing the camera. Before she can say anything, someone in the crowd whoops and instigates another flurry of sound and laughter and she looks into the crowd.

“Hey! One more time and I’m gonna find you so you can be the next victim of my hidden camera pranks.” She scans the crowd and sees various groups of people laughing and whispering. She’s still grinning when she continues.

“Well, I guess you all know her, she’s America’s sweetheart, and she was on the show a few weeks ago before embarking on her Red Sun world tour.” Cheering erupts gradually and Ellen lets the crowd quiet itself. “I mean, this is my show after all, why wouldn’t I be here? You might remember America’s sweetheart, and also Kara Danvers promoting her album-” the crowd laughs and Ellen pauses.

“Right, Kara Danvers, well she’s not here and we’re not going to talk about her. We’re going to get the next best thing that her manager could spare us and I guess we had to settle, so whatever. Lena Luthor, everybody!”

Right on cue, Ellen’s resident DJ, tWitch, plays a short sample of upbeat music as Lena Luthor walks out from behind the stage and waves at the crowd that is excitedly welcoming her. She and Ellen hug and the music dies down when they sit on their chairs.

“You know, I really wasn’t ready for all that. I thought you were going to have more to say after your whole speech. Your producers had to practically kick me through to get me moving.”

“Nope, sorry, we only care about Kara Danvers, and whoever you are, Miss... Luthor? Miss Emmy award-winning lead actress for a drama series Lena Luthor?” The crowd cheers and Lena nods her head, gesturing grandly and exaggeratedly at the crowd’s response.

“Ah yes, that is me, all me, thank you very much.”

“And Oscar nominee for best actress in a supporting role, directing for your own film, The Spacewalker, and also best picture for the movie you were part of, National City?”

Lena clicks her tongue and relaxes into the side of the chair. “Ah, yeah, didn’t quite get those. Sore topic still, I’d rather not talk about it.” She smiles cheekily to the audience as Ellen speaks.

“Gee, well I am sorry. It must be so difficult to be so accomplished. Let’s talk about your equally famous girlfriend then.”

Lena breaks into laughter despite her cool facade and Ellen seems smug to have done so.

Lena composes herself easily. “Right. Okay, shoot.”

Ellen smiles, “But really, let’s talk about what you’ve done for a second.”

“My god, make up your mind.” Lena stage whispers to the crowd.

“You’ve been jumping all over the place, haven’t you? I mean, there was your supporting role in Fall From Grace, starring alongside Clark Kent. That was pretty serious wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, that was a bit of a toughie, that one. Took a lot out of me.”

“Really, I don’t think I’ve seen you cry so many times than in that one film.”

The crowd laughs with Lena.

“I got lucky though, Clark is such a sweetheart. His humour made things so much easier when the cameras weren’t rolling. It’s hard to always be so heavy and deep in your feelings, and I’m just not that kind of actor like some are. I’m glad he’s a bit the same way though. I don’t know what I would have done with myself if he walked around set looking like everyone had kicked his dog or something just to stay in character.”

“And right after all this crying and emotional turmoil that I don’t even want to think to get into, you direct your very own film? This is your first film, completely your own and it’s already Oscar nominated, like are you kidding me?”

The crowd erupts in cheers and Lena smiles, thanking the audience with a humble wave.

“It’s become sort of my baby, yes,” Lena says, nodding.

“That was an excellent movie by the way. It really was, no- I’m not just saying that. I’ve even stuffed a copy of The Spacewalker for everyone in the audience to take home. I must have bought too many or something, I don’t know.”

“All that in a year, a truly wild year.”

“Right, do you ever rest?”

“No, I can’t say I do. I’m riding on a bit of a high right now, so why the hell not?”

“What now? What are you going to tell me now? Are you going to tell me you’re writing a book next? That you’re doing voice acting now?”

“I mean, I would like to write a book one day.”

“Save it, please, some of us aren’t so accomplished as you.”

“Though I can’t really say much else but I can mention some work being put into a new video game series.”

“Are you serious? Really? I was just joking about all that!”

“Oh, awkward.” Lena chuckles as she humours Ellen. “But yes, I tell you the truth! Apparently I’ve got a nice, soothing voice with a pleasant accent.”

“Are those the only prerequisites to do video game voice acting?”

“Well they’re allegedly going to strap some face recognition software onto me - if I got my terms correct, some tech reminiscent of headbraces that I may or may not have worn as a child, and they’re going to put me in a big black bodysuit and capture all of my movements to use for their character. It’s going to be me, for all intents and purposes. I’m pretty much virtual now.”

“That’s amazing. That is really something. I am happy for you though, you are just so busy and you have so many great things happening to you. Who better for all this than Lena Luthor, right?”

The crowd roars with cheers and applause again. It actually takes the room a while to calm down.

“You’re so put together, you’re exactly the type of person I should dislike. A very happy love life too if the gossip I read is true. Am I right or am I right?”

“You are not wrong, Ellen.”

A few people from the crowd whoop and holler and Lena smirks as she waits for Ellen’s interrogation.

“I take it that you’re keeping busy? You can’t miss what’s-her-name too much?”

“Who? Oh, do you mean Kara?” The audience laughs and cheers, some “ooh-ing” as Ellen indulges them in their rowdiness.

“You’re dating?”

“I think so?”

“How is that going for you? Do you miss her?”

A soft smile spreads on Lena’s face, and she answers just a beat or two after she takes a moment to herself to remember her girlfriend.

“Yeah, I do actually. Don’t tell her that though. We didn’t really get much of a goodbye apart from a quick kiss before they’ve jetted her off for her world tour. I’m so proud of her, truly! We’d only became official at the end of her Down to Earth tour, so this whole music tour thing is a bit new to me too.”

“Everybody loves you, you know. You two are hashtag OTP goals, according to the consistent influx of fans invading my mentions on Twitter.”

The crowd comes alive in agreement and Lena laughs. “You’re all going to make me blush.”

“I’m getting a call from somebody though. This is so awkward, I’m sorry, I have to get this.”

The studio rings with the tone of a telephone as Ellen answers into the room, promptly ending the ringing. “Hello? Hello? Hi, yes, sorry, I’m kinda in the middle of something. I don’t want the vacuum cleaners you’re selling. Is anyone there?”

There’s a brief pause before another voice fills the studio. “Hello? This thing is on right?” the voice addresses someone else indirectly and seems to remember the phone call at hand. “Oh, shoot. Hello?”

Suddenly, the screens behind Ellen illuminate and indie-pop star Kara Danvers’ face fills the entirety of the panels. Lena bursts into laughter as Ellen grins mischievously (another surprise successfully pulled off), and the crowd is absolutely thrilled as people cheer and clap and some even scream.

“Who is this? How did you get this number?”

“What? You called me! I don’t even know you.” Kara’s indignant huff fills the room and feeds into the delight of the crowd. Despite her own act, amusement twinkles in her eyes.

“That hurts, Kara. I’ve got your girlfriend with me.”

Kara brightens up instantly and this isn’t lost on anyone in the studio as they laugh. “Oh, Lena? Hi, I miss you! Is Ellen being mean to you? Is she being mean to me? Why didn’t you answer my text?”

Ellen and the crowd laugh as Kara’s attention completely shifts to her girlfriend. Lena shakes her head in fond amusement.

“Darling, there is such thing as a time difference.”

Kara’s eyebrows crinkle and she stares at the screen, seemingly staring right into the studio full of people when her face lights up again. “Ah, right. That must have been 4am for you.”

“I was not very pleased being roused awake by N’Sync’s ringtone waking me up with this one’s quadruple texting habits.” Lena points to Kara’s face as she addresses Ellen and the crowd.

“Whoa, okay! Way to expose me, babe.”

Lena smiles at the petname and the audience collectively “aw’s”, only to be mixed with laughter when Kara squints her eyes and playfully glares at her screen, speaking to the people of Ellen’s studio, “Oh, gross.”

Lena sticks her tongue out at Kara, who returns the gesture instantly. Ellen, freely smirking, decides to butt in.

“Kara, where are you right now? What time is it?”

Kara lights up in excitement, “Oh! I’m in the Philippines! It’s like midnight here. The 12 hour difference kind of helps. I love it so much here! I wish I could explore more, it’s so pretty. Babe, we have to come back.”

“Alright, dear.” Lena smiles up at the screen.

“Kara, I’m going to take your girlfriend back now, you’re taking up too much of my segment time.”

“Ah! Why didn’t you say so, alright I love you all! Thanks for having me, Ellen! Everybody, come out to the Red Sun tour, I’ll be coming to a city near you to see all your wonderful faces! Thank you so much for all the love, you guys! I’ll see you there! Lena, text me, I miss you!” Kara blows a quick sloppy kiss to the screen and the crowd cheers one last time before the video call cuts out to Kara waving animatedly.

Ellen hastily addresses the cameras, “We’ll be back after this break. Once again, Lena Luthor, everybody!” She gestures to Lena who waves at the camera.

The cameras pan out and their mics are cut. Lena stands up and leans toward Ellen, opens her arms for a hug. They share a silent conversation; Lena thanking Ellen for the surprise, Ellen grinning easily at her, and the program shifts into the commercials.

[dearestjaemin]

day four: fav pro hero

i honestly had a hard time choosing because im currently reading the manga and my emotions for all might just went plus ultra.

however, this hero is an all time favorite. it started bcos of his seiyuu but i definitely love him for his character.

In celebration of teacher’s month in the Philippines, and an advanced celebration for the whole world, I chose this hero because I love him and his soft spot is absolutely loveable.

“Class dismissed.”

The class greets Aizawa farewell and he leaves the classroom as soon as they finish. Jirou shares a look with Yaoyorozu, and before Bakugou could waltz out of the classroom, their vice president pulls out a metal bar from her body and puts it right in front of the door, preventing simple escapes.

“Oi, move.”

“Bakugou, there’s something we have to say. It’s about Aizawa-sensei, and maybe All Might.”

“Tch.”

Bakugou sits on the nearest table, much to Aoyama’s dismay, and nods at Jirou to let her continue. There was a silent agreement in the class that that was the most compliant Bakugou they have ever seen. Midoriya was damn sure it’s because of the mention of ‘All Might’ but who is he to judge?

“So, uh, I only found out yesterday that it’s teacher’s day tomorrow and we’ve been kinda talking about it.”

“Ehhh? Why did you keep it from us?”

“I-It’s not like we were keeping it from you guys, I swear! Honestly speaking, we haven’t had a proper conversation about it!”

It was adorable how Yaoyorozu was waving her arms around as if to defend themselves.

“Well, that aside, the main important thing, or question, is are we going to celebrate it?”

“It doesn’t seem like U.A. celebrates it, huh.”

“We can celebrate it!”

Ashido immediately stands up and pumps her fists up and down. Hagakure joins in, her sleeves going up and down. The two were cheerful as ever.

“Ribbit, I think it’s a great idea. Aizawa-sensei needs more appreciation after all the trouble he puts through dealing with us.”

“Then it’s settled! We’ll do a mini celebration for him.”

Yaoyorozu and Jirou shares a high five, happy that there was no need for persuasion to make things happen.

“Well, Bakugou seems like he’s going to kill me if we keep him so y’all can continue with your lives. Let’s just talk about it in the group chat.”

That said, only Bakugou and Todoroki went home. The rest of the class stayed either for the preparations, or simply they just didn’t want to go home yet. As they converse about what they’ll do - “Do we need a cake? I can make some.” “Does Aizawa-sensei even like sweet things?” “Well if he doesn’t, we can eat it ourselves!” - someone unexpected enters the classroom.

“Hello, Class 1-A!”

Their principal, Nezu, greets the class, jumping on the table to get a higher view. Everybody stood up and bowed in greeting, and he immediately tells everyone to be at ease. What was the principal doing inside their classroom?

“Well, I recently found out awhile ago that teacher’s day is tomorrow and I’ve decided on my own, of course, to do a little celebration. Actually, it’s more of a recognition day than a celebration but we’ll work on that next year. I see that you are planning something?”

“Yes sir!”

“That’s splendid! Mind if we make the celebration throughout the school instead of having it confined to your classroom?”

Everyone seemed excited and shook their head, visibly looking forward to it.

“I’ve already actually talked to each class one by one, and I’m fortunate that your class is still around or else that would be a problem! To be honest, the other classes are also making plans so I thought it would be a great idea to have everyone involved. Well then! Class President, please follow me.”

Iida immediately stood up and followed Nezu outside. After a few more minutes of planning, the rest of the class went home.

“Aizawa-sensei! At least give us a smile!”

Aizawa continued frowning. It was the last part of the campus celebration, picture-taking. After this, he could escape from this attention and go back home. The photographer threatened him that this won’t end as long as he keeps frowning. Great. What a way to end his day.

“Come on, Shota! Smile.”

“Shut it, Hizashi.”

“Yes! Do smile, Aizawa!”

“Ugh, even you, All Might?”

Aizawa gives up and gives a smile, although it wasn’t the one everyone was hoping for, but they did expect it. It was the smile he wore when he’s highly amused, and everyone else is often in an unfortunate state. Well, it was something.

After the celebration, Aizawa went backstage and hoped that he could somehow go home in peace, but then Kaminari, Kirishima and Sero showed up in front of him, Todoroki jogging behind them.

“Aizawa-sensei! A moment of your time, please!”

“You’ve had plenty already.”

“Please! We beg you.”

Kirishima bowed down, head on the ground. Kaminaru and Sero just bowed deeply.

“...Please.”

Todoroki joins in and Aizawa just sighed.

“Fine, but only for a while.”

“Guys! Aizawa-sensei is on his way! Quick, to your positions!”

Everybody shuffled to their positions. Sato and Shoji held the sides of the banner which they previously used in the U.A’s teacher’s day celebration. Some of them got party poppers, and the others posed for the greeting. When Aizawa came in with the Todoroki who walked behind him, they popped the party poppers and cheered-

“Happy Teacher’s Day, Aizawa-sensei!”

Some confettis fell on him, but thankfully none of Sero’s tape landed on him. They sing a little song, which he didn’t really recognize and it sounded something they’re just randomly coming up with, and they burst into laughter at the failure. Aizawa smiled, but it was more like a twitch in the mouth and the eye.

“Tch, you guys didn’t need to.”

“We know, but we did it anyways because we think it’s fitting.”

Tsuyu spoke up, and everyone nodded in agreement. Well, he can’t be a wet blanket anymore.

“Er, well, I’m not good with this thing so… Iida, go call Hi- Present Mic and All Might. I’m sure you guys like them. Oh, and you can use your quirk to be quick.”

“Yes sir!”

Iida salutes and immediately dashes off to get them. Within a minute, Iida comes back with the two of them. They both let out an amused sound.

“Well, well! It seems your class adores you, Aizawa!”

“It appears so, doesn’t it, Present Mic?”

All Might and Present Mic laughed and Aizawa immediately regretted inviting them. With the two great presence in the room, the attention went to them, and unexpectedly, Aizawa just took a seat somewhere in the room, watching the crowd around the two heros. Well, that’s better.

The students enjoyed the food they prepared, and so did the three teachers. Aizawa’s tiny smile never left his face as he watched his class bond, even the improving Bakugou and the awkward Todoroki.

“Mhm, you sure do look loved.”

“Shut it.”

“Even if I spend more time with Young Midoriya than any other student and I’m very much aware of his admiration towards me, I can always sense the great admiration the students hold for you, either individually or as a class.”

Aizawa just snorted, but didn’t talk back.

“Hey, let’s take a picture!”

Aizawa didn’t refuse, but he was the last to stand up for it. He was in the middle, with All Might and Present Mic by his side. Aizawa wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning either. He just looked tiredly at the camera, and the class liked it that way.

The picture greatly defines their class, with Ashido, Hagakure, Jirou and Sero goofing around for the picture and Iida scolding them at the sides, hoping for a proper picture. Asui and Uraraka posed for a matchy feel, and Midoriya smiled brightly as All Might’s hand rested on his shoulder. Kirishima’s arms were around Bakugou and Kaminari, grinning at the camera with his fingers forming a peace sign. Aoyama was posing in a flashy way, as usual. Ojiro was at the side, smiling and doing a peace sign as well. Sato and Koda’s arms around each other, with Koda’s looking all awkward. Todoroki was sitting in front with the goofy ones, not looking at the camera but instead at the people beside him. Shoji was at the back, his arms spreading like wings. Fumikage let out his shadow to be in the picture. Yaoyorozu was beside Jirou, and also near Iida and she was covering her ears. Mineta was sitting in front, right in the middle, pumping his fists high in the air.

It was such a nice picture.

Omake:

Present Mic received the picture somehow and sent it to Aizawa. Aizawa secretly saved it in his phone, and had it printed and placed in a frame.

[broadwaybydesign]

The Rose of Tacloban: Costuming “Here Lies Love”

Tragedy struck and the original post I made about Here Lies Love disappeared into the ether, so I’m going to do my best to reconstruct it here. Many thanks to the anons who suggested this production to me, and to @conradricamoras and @annbradleys for sending me information about the show itself!

I have a confession to start off this review: until I got the Anon asks, I had never even heard of Here Lies Love, and that is a tragedy. Having now had the opportunity to look at the costumes for this production and listen to the music thanks to iTunes, I can safely say that this is an amazing show that deserves a full Broadway run. If you haven’t come across it, there’s probably a reason for that; while well-received and critically acclaimed, the show only had an off-Broadway run and a Seattle revival. But despite that, it attracted an amazing cast, including future Tony Award winning actress Ruthie Ann Miles and How to Get Away With Murder’s Conrad Ricamore.

First, a little background on what this show is. The genesis of the show is in a concept album by British producer Fatboy Slim, based on the life and times of Imelda Marcos, the fashionista diva First Lady of the Philippines during the years of Ferdinand Marcos’ dictatorship. Eventually converted into a musical, the production follows Imelda’s life throughout a period of the dictatorship, including her dating of democracy icon Ninoy Aquino, marriage to Ferdinand Marcos, and her time as First Lady.

Imelda Marcos is still very much the subject of a disputed legacy in The Philippines, and I’ll offer a few more comments on why the musical has been called problematic after the costume review. But to give you an idea of the dispute, on the one hand she has been frequently accused of robbing the country blind to sustain her lifestyle, but on the other hand is beloved enough to have been elected to the country’s House of Representatives some four times, and is in office today. Contested legacies always make for the most interesting stories, so this is already quite a production.

The costume designer for this show is Clint Ramos, himself of Filipino origin, who relied on his memories of the Marcos regime (including, as a child, meeting Imelda herself) in crafting the production’s rich costumes. He focused on bright colors to match with his memories of Filipino fashion and the woman herself, who was always styled to the nines. But in relying on traditional elements, the color scheme could come off a bit garish--and he notes that’s by design. In an interview with the New York Times, he commented that when he found out Vogue editor Dame Anna Wintour would be in the audience for a show that, “If you say anything to her [Wintour], please tell her that it is intentionally tacky.”

Some are indeed tacky, but others? Other costumes are a sheer delight. Let’s take a look at some of them:

I’m starting with this group spread from Chance magazine because it features two designs (the far left and center right) that I want to talk about in detail, but also offers us a look at two of the simpler costumes. On the far right is a blue dress in a sateen fabric that has one of the trademarks of Filipino design and Imelda Marcos herself: powerful butterfly sleeves, that is, sleeves that resemble butterfly wings in the way they pop up above the shoulders of the dress itself. 

The other dress just briefly touched on is the one at center left. Mr Ramos adapted the flag of the Philippines, and while some credit has to be given to the flag’s designer, I love the way he made it work as a costume. The red and blue are rich and satiny, and the triangular element at the center is absolutely perfect for the bust of the dress. It’s a simple, but tasteful, design that I greatly enjoy.

The dress at center right is the first I want to take a closer look at. This dress comes from the “The Rose of Tacloban” number, whence I took the title of this overall review. Let’s take a look at it in the context of the musical and a bit closer up:

I’ve talked about patterned dresses before, and this is an example of a multicolored floral that absolutely would have been accessible to a Filipino women in the era of the musical. It’s a classic A-line dress decorated sumptuously in a series of red, orange, gold, and purple flowers. What I really like about the dress is that it has a simple series of lines that allow the individual flowers to stand out against the white fabric; it looks almost like a set of wildflowers that have been arranged, rather than being a specific pattern, and that gives it a little bit more of a visual pop. Take a look at this closeup of the group shot for a better idea of what I mean:

The dress is designed to stand out because of the pattern rather than any kind of adornment, and because the pattern is abstract rather than specific or geometric, the eye is able to sort of just take in the whole rather than focusing on specific parts. I like that, though I think there is something to be said for a repeating pattern; here, Mr Ramos’ design works and makes the overall appearance quite pleasant.

I noted I also wanted to take a look at the far left entry in the above group shot. This dress is visually stunning and there’s a clear reason why. Take a look at it in isolation first so I can offer some general comments:

I’ve mentioned in the past that I love the two polar extremes in costuming: sleek and traditional, and overtly showy. This dress manages to combine both of those elements and makes it one of my all-time favorite costumes. We’ll start from the top and go down. The dress itself is in a rich white fabric and has slight butterfly sleeves, smaller than those in the blue dress I referred to earlier, but nonetheless impressive. Below the waste, on the bottom of the dress, however is what makes this so visually stunning. The red elements resemble roses or rose petals falling to earth against a white background. The color is a rich ruby-red and is pretty clearly embellished with beadwork and sequining. I’d even go so far as to say that, under the right lighting, this could even appear to be blood red (and there is definitely metaphorical value there) Compare the finished product above with the original sketch:

Many a time in the past, I have talked about how vital a costumer’s sketch is to the overall costume design process, and how a dress will often evolve greatly from first draft to final product. Here, we see that the original envision was for splashes of red, and given the context of the end of the musical (where this costume appears), that idea of blood-red definitely makes sense; while the focus of the musical is definitely not on violence, there are references to Ferdinand Marcos’ imposition of martial law and the repression that Imelda played a part in defending.

But Mr Ramos’ design changed from spatter to beautiful pattern over the course of the costume’s construction, and while elements of the original design were retained--the flower petals I talked about earlier definitely feel like the splatter of the original design--the hem of the dress became far more rich and detailed, and is what instantly elevates this costume in my mind. Take a look at the sketch above, and then take a look at the finished hem of the dress:

The flower petals continue to fall until they intersect with a series of paisley-like lozenges that run along the entire circumference of the dress, in a stunning, rich red color that matches the upper design elements. There is clearly some sequining and beadwork evident in these pieces, which adds a little bit more sparkle and heft to an already weighty dress. I love the way there’s an almost lacy quality to the lozenges themselves and the way they are linked into a chain by the hem of the dress. Each lozenge also has a single rose rising out of the top, which I think has to be seen as a tie to the earlier Rose of Tacloban dress.

These two dresses together offer a view of some of the more classical looks that are used in the musical, but so far, we haven’t seen much in the way of what Mr Ramos described as intentionally tacky...so let’s take a look at one of those dresses now. Prepare for a stunning shock of color (and design work!):

You really cannot beat the shocking electric pink of this dress for WOW factor, even if you are not a huge fan of the color itself. Pink is a color that was associated with Imelda Marcos, and so costuming Ms Miles in it in various scenes makes quite a bit of sense. There is a lot going on besides the color, however, when looking at this dress. There are layers of satin fabric with an almost sheer chiffon tone to parts of it, lacework in the bodice, sequins on the body of the dress and the bodice itself, and then there are those roses.

The sateen roses are my favorite element of this dress, even if they add to the overall over-the-top feel of the number. Having worked with fabrics before, it is not easy to create the look of a realistic flower and fix it to a dress in such a way as to avoid it being cumbersome, or the design effect being lost. The roses run up the side of the dress and form a bouquet that the eye absolutely has to drink in; what I also like about the roses themselves is that they are in differing shades of pink rather than just the electric of the dress itself.

Looking at the bodice, we can see the overlaid netting or lace work, which comes together to form another floral pattern that I am almost positive has a plastic element to it; plastic isn’t used a lot in dressmaking, but it can sometimes offer a stiffness to a piece of design work that you could not get otherwise. The bodice gives way to butterfly sleeves that are richly patterned with flower petal-like elements and capped off with yet more sateen roses. The overall effect is akin to a beauty queen dress (which makes sense given the character of Imelda Marcos in real life and in Here Lies Love). It’s ostentatious, it’s showy, it’s dramatic, and it’s memorable.

Mr Ramos uses pink for another costume, which is no less beautiful or interesting in color, which is far more reserved. Take a look at this dress in a scene where Imelda is pictured alongside her husband, Ferdinand Marcos (played by Jose Llana):

If you looked at this and immediately thought of Jacqueline Kennedy’s classic couture and Chanel suits, you are not alone; that was my first thought as well, and it makes sense. In this scene, there is even a lyric referring to the Marcos’ as “our Jackie and John.” The idea behind this pink dress is to show off Imelda as the chic, sophisticated spouse next to her politician husband. The lines are simple, the pink is strong but feminine, and it does not distract from anything around her.

The pink changes color depending on the lighting (as most costumes do, as I have noted in a multitude of reviews). Take a look at the dress in motion, which also lets us look at the few detail elements that the outfit possesses:

The hat is clearly a pillbox type in the vein of Jackie Kennedy and the perfect roundness of it matches the buttons that are the only real adornment to the dress itself. It is a business suit, designed for a woman playing a supporting role, and the color and sheen of the fabric is what is allowed to do most of the work. That’s a good design choice on the part of Mr Ramos; there can only be so many overpowering costumes at once, after all!

Another understated but beautiful dress can be seen here, in shades of blue and purple, with stitching that is reminiscent of traditional design elements in Filipino fabrics and textiles:

I’ll start with the easiest part of this costume to review: the skirt itself. It’s a pretty teal blue that would cling to the figure of the wearer and accentuate their femininity, while not detracting from the coat element of the dress.

The coat itself is richly designed in grays and blues, with a metallic thread designed to catch the light and look different depending on the context. Here, with neutral lighting, it looks very much like a dull gold or silver depending on the layer of the dress. The embroidery is replicated in rows, which gives an interesting, almost geometric look to the dress overall. But it’s when the costume is viewed in the context of the lighting of the show that it’s most interesting. Take a look at how the metallic threads in the embroidery help the dress to almost glow with purple:

This is not an easy effect to muster, and I love the way that the purple lighting hitting the dress causes the dress--itself gray and gold and blue--to light up in purple as well. The metallic threads used for the design work catch the light and reflect it, softening it a little bit but still retaining the purple hue. The effect is to make the actress really be the center of the audience’s attention. You cannot help but pay attention to Ms Miles in this costume, because every movement makes her look just slightly different as more or less of the metallic embroidery is illuminated by the stage lights. It’s an effect that is subtle, but with a monumental impact.

The last two costumes I want to look at are a study in contrasts, one extraordinarily tacky by Mr Ramos’ own admission, and the other far more muted and somber. First is the discotheque dress that Mr Ramos designed for Ms Miles to wear in her guise as Imelda Marcos. This is one that has to be seen to be believed, but it absolutely screams 1980s tackiness and club culture:

Hel-lo, plastic! And yes, I do mean that literally; this dress is constructed entirely out of plastic elements stitched together with thread. The overall impact is one that shimmers with even the slightest movement. Each plastic circle is capable of independent movement, and the coloring of each disk is slightly different, though overall the dress is a gold color. I’ve talked about dresses catching the light a lot, but in this case, the dress itself basically becomes a disco ball unto itself, and it really is the peak of Imelda’s character Not Getting It. It’s the “let them eat cake” dress, the privileged Imelda dancing the night away as her country is oppressed by her husband’s regime.

Compare that tackiness to one of the most somber, elegant pieces in the musical, and the one I’ll conclude the costume portion of the review with:

Gone are the garish colors, gone are the adornments, gone are the design elements. Instead, we have a simple (if elegant) cream frock that imbues the character--stunningly--with a sense of innocence or naïvety. That’s an interesting choice on Mr Ramos’ part; there’s a mournful quality to this piece that isn’t present in any of the other costumes. The buttons harken back to the buttons of the Pink Suit from earlier, but otherwise this dress is utterly demure.

The richness and elegance of the dress are brought by the circular design elements that are part of the fabric itself. It swirls and flows all over Ms Miles’ figure, as though mapping the whirlwinds of change surrounding the character at this point in the musical. There is, however, a little bit of the metallic threading seen on the gray and blue dress from earlier. But whereas that helped the character to stand out, this time they make the dress glow in a way that shows that despite every event in The Philippines, Imelda is a victim in her own mind, and the dress reflects the innocence she feels, rather than any innocence that exists in reality.

Overall, I find Mr Ramos costume choices to be absolutely perfect and beyond beautiful. Even when they run towards the tacky (the beauty queen dress and the gold disco number), they still have something that makes them enjoyable to behold. The red and white dress definitely made it into the pantheon of my favorite dresses, and I think there is a lot of symbolism there that only adds to the beauty that the audience is able to appreciate.

Since this was an off-Broadway production, Mr Ramos was not eligible for a Tony Award for his design work, but he was the recipient of the Lucille Lortel award, and it was absolutely deserved in my opinion, and I would like to see these designs get some wider exposure.

As promised earlier, I’m going to offer a few thoughts about the musical generally at this juncture, because Mr Ramos’ designs and his own comments are so much a part of what makes this musical interesting.

People often draw a comparison between Here Lies Love and Evita, and I think those comparisons make a lot of sense. Both musicals deal with a woman who was in a supporting role to a husband whose government was dictatorial and repressive, both deal with a woman known in large part for her style, fashion, and outsized personality, and both musicals try to address how we should view these women. But whereas Evita makes one feel sympathy for the character of Eva, the effect is much more muddled in Here Lies Love.

Imelda Marcos is portrayed as very much a creature and product of her circumstances, happy to play a key role in her husband’s regime while still trying to retain some distance and play the innocent. Whereas the 11 o’clock number for Evita is “You Must Love Me,” a love song to the people of Argentina and her husband, Imelda’s last song is “Why Don’t You Love Me?” and she’s costumed in the red and white dress for it.

The song itself makes clear that the character of Imelda doesn’t understand why she is so reviled by so many of the people. After all, what more could she have done to show them love and affection? And that is where the design of the dress comes in and plays a key role. As Mr Ramos himself said, he wanted to give the audience the idea of Imelda having reached the pinnacle of fashion and beauty while wading through the blood of the victims of her husband’s regime.

And she simply doesn’t understand that. She doesn’t understand that she was the public face of the regime, and that the victims of the regime were numerous. Even her former boyfriend, democracy activist and Senator Ninoy Aquino, is slain as part of Ferdinand Marcos’ effort to hold onto power. She thinks of herself as the people’s heroine when the reality is that she is a hero only in her own mind, and maybe a few others.

I think this is an important story to tell because it allows us to see this woman as more than a one-dimensional character. She believes in her own purity, all the while not seeing the rot and horror around her. There’s an innocence in that which is captured well in the elegance of most of Mr Ramos’ designs, while her devil-may-care attitude towards the repression she is happy to reap the rewards of is displayed in the tackier costumes.

As I said at the start of the review, Here Lies Love is a musical that has been criticized as problematic because it does not portray Imelda Marcos as singularly evil. But that’s part of the point. Still alive today, her legacy is still being debated. The audience should walk away questioning what they just saw, and questioning whether a person can ever truly be innocent when they play a role in a regime that could be as repressive as the Marcos government. As Mr Ramos said in the interview I linked earlier, the audience should leave asking “Why the hell was I dancing to that?” And why, in fact, was Imelda dancing at all.

This is an important production that deserves to be seen by a wider audience. The biggest problem with staging it as a Broadway show might be the stage design, which encourages audience interaction and is unique in theatrical productions. To give you an idea what I mean, the people standing in the pit at stage level are all members of the audience, and the actors are able to interact with them when warranted:

Three years ago, when this production was being staged off-Broadway, stage design was still rather traditional and audience participation or the audience being close to the action was still a rarity. But the runaway success of a production like The Great Comet makes me think that Broadway theatres might be willing to take a chance on customizing their staging for a production like this.

As longtime readers of my blog(s) know, I am a huge advocate of diversity in theatre, and it’s one of the other reasons I would love to see a full Broadway production of Here Lies Love. This is a musical that features (or should feature) an all-Asian cast in serious, non-stereotypical roles, which is something that we really don’t see much of (I don’t particularly see The King and I or Miss Saigon as offering Asian actors non-stereotypical roles, for instance). I hope that in the future, this beautifully costumed, musically interesting, and innovative musical will get the full run it deserves.

Phew! That was a long review, and thank you for sticking it out! I really enjoyed this review, and I hope you all enjoyed it as well and have the time and the inclination to check it out if you can.

As always, dear readers, I want to hear your feedback, so feel free to reblog with comments, drop an Ask or Submission, or message me here or on my main account. Until the next review, stay tuned!

[azianxpersuasionwrites]

HOW TO AVOID ASIAN STEREOTYPES, APPROPRIATION, AND WHITE WASHING

Since May is Asian American and Pacific Islanders Heritage Month, I wanted to take the time to sit down and write a guide about Asian Americans. Mainly, this guide is about how to not be offensive with casting roles and stereotypes. The guide is super long (because it’s also sort of a rant), but it is broken up into different topics. The following topics are stereotypes, appropriation, and casting & whitewashing.

I hope that you find this guide helpful!

CHECK OUT THE GUIDE UNDER THE READ MORE

INTRODUCTION

I am an Asian American woman and I was adopted about twenty years ago. I started working on a documentary last year about Asians in the media. I wanted to bring some of the material I learned to the roleplaying community in one large guide. There is still a lot of problems with the media and Asians are severely under and misrepresented. 

To start with, I want to discuss some terms. East Asians generally refers to (surprise!) East Asia which includes China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam*, Mongolia, and Taiwan. South Asians includes people from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, and many more. This guide mainly deals with East and South Asians. Please take the time to research other smaller Asian countries in Southeast, Central, and West Asia like Sri Lanka, Singapore, Malaysia, the Philippines, Brunei, and many more. Also take the time to research the Pacific Islands. Here’s a reminder that Asia is a continent and not a country, just like how Africa is a continent and not a country. 

I’m hoping that this guide will help you learn about Asians and their culture along with avoiding offensive stereotypes and appropriation. Hopefully, when people become more aware of these issues and we can start fixing the representation of Asians.

*For Vietnam, I did some research as to whether it counts as a Southeast Asian country or East Asian. I found a source that talks about the topic. “Vietnam is geographically Southeast Asian, but culturally leans much more heavily toward East Asian, specifically Chinese, which is arguably the “mother culture” of East Asia.“

STEREOTYPES

There are a ton of stereotypes for both Asian men and women. There are different stereotypes for East and South Asians. Overall, Asian characters are seen as best friends or sidekicks, but they are hardly ever cast in the lead role. I can think of only a few shows and films where there is an Asian lead. 

Generally, Asian men are not seen as attractive. They are seen as more feminine, often times because they are seen as more sensitive because of a close relationship with their mother. White women often times want to pursue an Asian man because they believe that he will treat them right. Despite this, Asian men are hardly ever seen as the romantic interest in romantic comedies or television. In fact, John Cho was the first Asian American romantic interest on a television show in Selfie (2014).

If an East Asian man is not feminine, he is the martial arts guy only meant to do that. He is a ninja who never talks and is only meant to do kung fu (and his face may never be seen). Asian martial arts are often times not distinguished from one another. Martial arts are described as karate, kung fu, or taekwondo but there are so many more. There are Aikido, Judo, Jujutsu, Tai Chi, and more. Also, not all martial arts are used for fighting. Don’t have your character whipping their fists and legs around to pretend like they’re practicing martial arts either when they damn well know they aren’t and just want to pretend to be a “ninja.” One way I’ve learned about more Asian martial arts is by looking up videos on the creation of Avatar: The Last Airbender, which uses different and distinct types of martial arts for the different elements. (Toph uses an entirely different type of martial art for her bending than the other earthbenders.) Take time to learn and appreciate these incredible and beautiful martial arts.

Sometimes, the Asian man is portrayed as funny and not intelligent, used for comedic relief, or they are the quiet nerd who is good with computers and math. This may be seen in many of Jackie Chan’s movies where he is not very intelligent on the surface and when his intelligence is shown, it is displayed in a comedic way. Asians are also frequently portrayed as the IT guy or a doctor. South Asian men are often times portrayed in the media as terrorists because they may have similar features to Middle Eastern men. 

Asian women are always portrayed as thin, pale, and attractive. They are also submissive and are hypersexualized. Their job may be as a prostitute or nanny. Many white men have a fetish for Asian women (”yellow fever”), which is offensive and extremely creepy. With this kind of a story line, Asian women are mail to order brides from poor families and she moves to America and gets married in order to get her citizenship. She may also be the nanny or a maid who doesn’t speak English. If Asian women are not meant for sex, they are quiet, weird, and the nerdy type. They are the nerdy girl that no one wants to date. South Asian women are often shown as being involved in an arranged marriage. Asian women in the media are oppressed and often times need to have a white male save her. 

Asian women are frequently portrayed as pale! A lot of Asian countries want women to be pale to resemble white people. Some Asian women prefer more European features, which is a huge problem and damaging for younger girls. In fact, in India there is a cream for women that is meant to lighten their skin. One of my friends, a Chinese adoptee, went to South Korea and they photoshopped her ID photo to hell to make her thinner and paler. Promote positive body image! Not all Asian women are naturally thin. Also, support Asian girls and boys who have a darker skin tone.

Another trope for Asian women is the “Dragon Lady” stereotype, which is generally reserved for East Asian women. This harmful stereotype shows a woman “as strong, deceitful, domineering, or mysterious.“ Wikipedia also mentions that the Dragon Lady is “also used to refer to any powerful but prickly woman, usually in a derogatory fashion.”

(Rebellious) Asian women are many times described as or portrayed as having colored hair in TV or movies. For some reason, Hollywood loves to have Asian women with hair that is dyed whether it’s the whole head or just streaks. Hollywood wants a cool, rebel girl appearance that gets old. I love to dye my hair and do enjoy having different colors, but seeing it all the time as the only representation gets old. 

Older Asian characters like a character’s parents are seen as traditional, strict, and uptight. Most of the time, they don’t speak English. They are generally the primary force behind their child’s decision to be a lawyer or doctor. The parents are hardly ever supportive and are mainly concerned with finding their children spouses. 

There is also a stereotype about Asian languages. A lot of people think that Asian countries speak the same languages or one language. In China, most people speak Mandarin (standard Chinese), but they could also speak Cantonese which is very different. There are also many other dialects, so Chinese can mean different things. In India, there are many, many, many different languages. The main ones spoken are English, Hindi, and Urdu. I recommend that people read up on the national languages and dialects in Asia here. Please be aware that not all Asian people can speak an Asian language. I’m Chinese and I don’t know any Mandarin other than “hello,” “goodbye,” and “thank you.” (Also, just because someone is Asian, don’t assume they know how to use chopsticks.)

Obviously, it’s okay to have a smart Asian or to have an Asian character who does in fact know martial arts. The problem is when those are the only defining traits of your Asian character. Don’t let these stereotypes become the sole defining part of your character. 

APPROPRIATION

There’s a lot of cultural appropriation, period. This appropriation doesn’t stop at clothing but also the countries themselves and language.

With Indian culture, much of the traditional clothing and Bollywood is appropriated. Women (who are not Indian) are wearing sarees (or saris) and bindis without really knowing what it means. This can be seen in Selena Gomez’s Come and Get It (and all of her live performances), with Katy Perry, and in an episode of Fuller House which shows a Bollywood themed party.

The clothing of other Asian countries are also appropriated. The Japanese kimono is frequently worn and appropriated in very sexual ways. Examples of this are Rihanna in her Princess of China music video with Coldplay, Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj, P!nk, and many more. This also occurs with traditional Chinese and Korean clothing. Women may also tape their eyes to have narrow eyes or fake a hooded eye. This frequently happens with cosplaying or dressing up as one’s favorite K-Pop band. Symbol from Asian cultures or characters from Asian languages are also appropriated and used for tattoos. For example, the om symbol ( ॐ ) or the yin-yang symbol is seen on necklaces or tattoos.

Please note that the term hapa, used to describe someone of Asian and/or Pacific descent, is an appropriated term. Originally, the term is from Hawaii from the Hawaiian word for "half", "part", or "mixed.” Hapa is an appropriated term that I would not suggest that people who are not Hawaiian use. Asians are also often times approached with either gibberish that is supposed to sound “Chinese” or “Japanese” or another kind of Asian language. Or, Asians are approached with a “Namaste,” “konichiwa,” or other terms and phrases. Again, not all Asian people can speak their language.

Asian countries are often times used in movies as an “exotic” backdrop for a movie or story. A white character will visit an Asian country for self discovery, healing, or to learn a mystical ancient martial art. This is a massive problem because Asian countries will only be seen as exotic locations for self healing and martial arts. Stop letting your white characters go to Asian countries to heal or discover Asian magic. In case you don’t think this is a recurring theme, let me give you some examples! Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins (2005) goes to an unnamed  Asian country to learn how to fight with the League of Assassins. In Doctor Strange (2016), Stephen Strange goes to Kathmandu, Nepal to learn about ancient magic. In Eat, Pray, Love, both the book and film, the woman travels to India and Indonesia on her “quest for self-discovery.” In Lucy (2012), parts of the film are in Taipei with a white female lead. This trope is insensitive and boring as well as offensive because Asian countries are not just “exotic” and “mystical” for your plot.

All of this appropriation needs to stop because people are exploiting Asian culture without truly knowing and understanding what it all means. Yes, it is possible to learn about Asian culture without appropriating it. Yes, it is possible for you to wear a sari or a kimono if you are making a conscious effort to learn about the culture and reasoning behind the clothing, but you can’t make an assumption that everyone is okay with it. Some Indians or Japanese people may not be comfortable with you wearing their traditional clothing and you need to respect that. Asian cultures are not meant to be a quirk or something exotic and mysterious or a money grabber. 

CASTING & WHITEWASHING

Casting for Asians in film and television is another issue. Asians are not getting lead roles and that is because these roles are going to white actors. This is known as white washing. To properly define whitewashing, it is the casting of white actors in ethnic roles such as the majority of the cast for The Last Airbender (2010), Emma Stone’s character in Aloha (2014), Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily in Pan (2015), Johnny Depp in The Lone Ranger (2013), Tilda Swinton in Doctor Strange (2016), and many more. Let’s not forget Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell (2017)!

Whitewashing often occurs with yellow face and brown face. Yellow face is for East Asians while brown face is for people of Middle Eastern or South Asian descent. It is exactly how it sounds. It is similar to black face and it is where a white actor will wear prosthetic and/or be airbrushed to be a specific skin tone (usually more yellow) to appear more Asian. This has been going on for a long time, dating back in cinema as far back as 1915 (and definitely further back before film). Recent uses of yellow face in film include Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1961), Cloud Atlas (2012), and Pacific Rim (2013).

What does it mean when there is whitewashing and no Asian characters in the media? It means that we are not being represented. When Asian characters are not portrayed, they are not being represented and people don’t see themselves in the media, which influences our every day lives. Very few Asian actors have won Oscars and other acting awards because there aren’t any roles for them. Roles that are for Asian actors are going to white actors, meaning Asian actors are robbed of a job and experience. If they can’t get these roles (especially Oscar winning roles), then they will never have the chance to win or enhance their skills and practice their art. Kids want to see a Japanese Captain America, a Chinese Jessica Jones, an Indian Jason Bourne or a Korean Hawkeye because it means they are seeing themselves. It inspires them and shows them that they can strive to be their role models. 

When casting your characters, be aware of your faceclaim’s ethnicity. It is not hard to look up a celebrities ethnicity. The best places to look are ethnicelebs.com/ and a celebrity’s Wikipedia page. This is especially important when casting part Asian characters. Some people may not seem like they are part Asian, like Katie Findlay, Janel Parrish, Lydia Graham, Kate Beckinsale, or Rob Schneider. And then there are people who are part Asian who also look part Asian like Ryan Potter, Chloe Bennet, Shay Mitchell, and Kristin Kreuk. Also note that there are plenty of people who may seem like they have Asian ancestry but do not such as Ezra Miller, Steven Strait, Max Schneider, Jodelle Ferland, Daniel Sunjata, and Emma Stone. 

Don’t just keep casting the same Asian actors in roles too, such as Dev Patel, Avan Jogia, Jamie Chung, John Cho, Arden Cho, or Priyanka Chopra.  There are a lot of lists and directories of other Asian actors who deserve attention such as Gemma Chan, Constance Wu, Karen Fukuhara, Lewis Tan, Ludi Lin, Ross Butler, Riz Ahmed, Cassie Steele, Deepika Padukone, Daniel Dae Kim, and so many more! There are also a great deal of Asian actors from China, Japan, Korea, etc. from Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc. media who should be recognized as well. 

Lastly, on the topic of casting Asian characters, do not cast someone who is Chinese as a Korean character. Don’t cast someone who is Korean as a Singaporean character or a Malaysian actor as a Japanese character. Asians do not all look the same and there are so many countries in Asia. This is similar with the issue of having someone who is Mexican playing the role of a Colombian character or someone from Brazil (FYI, Brazilians are Latinx but not Hispanic) portraying a Venezuelan character. Cast the correct specific Asian ethnicity for your roles.

If you ever need help finding an Asian faceclaim, go to RPHs and ask. Never be afraid to ask! 

ASIAN ADOPTEES*

Asians are adopted from Asian countries all the time. Many of the Asian adoptees I know personally are adopted form China. Chinese adoptees are girls because of the one child policy that was in place until it recently became a two child policy in 2015. All Chinese adoptees I know are girls as there is a higher demand for baby boys and so they are kept while girls are put into orphanages. It is possible that there are boys adopted from China, I just haven’t met any cis-male Asian adoptees. (I have one Chinese adoptee friend who is currently transitioning from female to male). Here’s some more things you need to know about Asian adoptees. 

Generally, adoptees are adopted by white (middle class) families (at least all the Asian adoptees I know). In this case, these Asians (including me) are culturally very white. This can lead to a difficult conflict within one’s self because you feel white, but you are seen as Asian. Unless you learn about your Asian heritage, you won’t know about Asian culture. Because of this, Asian adoptees may feel too white for Asians who are raised by an Asian family surrounded by their culture but too Asian because of their physical appearance around white people. Sometimes, Asians who are trying to explore their heritage feel strange and sometimes feel like they are appropriating their own culture. Some part Asian people also feel this way as well because they may look too Asian to be considered white, but they look too white to be truly a part of their Asian culture.

It is also difficult for Asian adoptees to figure out their identity because of several reasons. We don’t know where we were born specifically. We don’t know our real birthday. We don’t know our parents or the reason why they gave us up (although it’s usually assumed that families wanted a boy and/or to give us our best chance with another loving family). We don’t know if we have siblings or not. We will most likely never find our birth parents or siblings if we have any. We won’t be able to trace our geneology. We assume we are 100% from the country we are adopted from, but we could very well be part Korean or Vietnamese. We just don’t know these things and Asian adoptees can struggle figuring out their identity because of this.

Often times, Asians are asked “Where are you from?” The person asking this often times expect a specific Asian country. I always give them the name of the place where I grew up. Asian adoptees are Asian Americans (if they’re in America and/or are American citizens [you could be Asian Canadian, for example, if you’re not an American citizen]). Not all Asians have “Asian sounding” names, even if someone is not adopted. I have a friend whose parents are from China and her name is Wendy. Some Chinese people will choose an English name to go by, but there are plenty of Chinese people who will continue to go by their Chinese name. Some Chinese adoptees may keep their given Chinese name as their middle name.

All Asian adoptees I know have very loving families. Some have siblings who are also adopted from an Asian country or another place or have siblings who are the biological children of their parents. Some families may have two dads or two moms, the family may be a nuclear family with a mom and dad, and there may be single moms who have adopted. One thing is very important when writing an Asian adoptee character. Their adoptive parents are their parents. They have birth parents, but their adoptive parents are their parents. I have a birth mother, but the woman who adopted me is my mom. It is incredibly offensive to an Asian adoptee and their parent(s) when people don’t acknowledge that they are their parents despite not sharing the same DNA.

Asian adoptees are not (always) tragic or traumatized by their experiences. However, some people are uncomfortable talking about themselves and their adoption. Respect their decision to not tell you about their experiences. 

*Note that this does not apply to all Asian adoptees, but it is a common occurrence that I have noticed while interviewing other Chinese adoptees. 

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, stereotypes, appropriation, and whitewashing are all incredibly harmful things that need to stop. Obviously, not everything I say in this guide applies to every Asian person. Chinese people have different experiences than Indian people. People of different Asian ethnicities have different experiences. The best thing I can suggest is to talk to these people about their experiences and what to avoid. 

To wrap things up from the guide, don’t say “Namaste” to anyone who is Asian. Don’t ask Asians “where are you from?” Don’t use the word “hapa” to describe yourself or others of mixed Asian heritage. Never use the words “Chink,” “Oriental,” “Jap” or any other offensive racial slurs. Never call an Asian brown or yellow. Don’t wear kimonos or saris without understanding the meaning. Don’t make your Asian characters’ defining traits be “smart,” “good at math,” or “a martial arts master.” Don’t keep using Asian countries as a backdrop for your characters to be in because the countries are “exotic” and “mystical.” Don’t make assumptions. Don’t whitewash your Asian characters! There are plenty of Asian faceclaims to use.

I’m hoping that this guide has helped bring some attention to these issues. Asians are severely underrepresented and misrepresented in the media. Don’t be afraid to ask me some questions or ask your Asian friends questions. Just don’t be an asshole about it. Really make a conscious effort to be respectful and learn about Asians and Pacific Islanders!

[xeezhiah]

There is so much to be thankful for

Today/Tonight, I'll take time appreciating the people around me, the things that I do have and the things that makes me whole.

Four months on and I am still thankful that at one point in my life, one of my ultimate dreams has unfolded right before my very eyes. Fox Sports Asia/Philippines believing in what I can do is massive. I don't believe in the word "forever" because that is so damn overrated but yes, I will try and use that word now - because I can't think of a better word than that when I mean saying that I am forever grateful to all the editors and big bosses that I have worked with the past four months. It's been a hell of a ride!

Thank you Kapil, our Singapore head for the trust which to be honest, I still think is surreal. If only fairy godfathers do exist, you're that one. Even if most of the time, you'd tell me that you don't wanna talk to me because I talk too much, I appreciate the friendship that the love for sports has brought. Please schedule your Manila trip real quick and I will be more than willing to be your tour guide sans the attempt to eat balut, okay? That is scary.

Thank you, Sir Raymond Olgado, because it is you who opened the opportunity for me to be where I am now. Had it not for your email response, I may still be a writer wannabe, dreaming that someday I may be allowed to become an investigative journalist. I will always look at you as the fairy godfather's right-hand man in helping me make my dream come true a reality. Above all, thank you for paving the way for my comeback run - you don't have an idea how much it meant for me to be considered as the team's representative in the NatGeo Run. It was fun to do that story/VLOG and without you and Sir James making effort to get the free kit for me, I would not have done that.

Thank you, Sir Earl Averilla, for letting me experience over the top football events either from the comfort of the media tribune or in venues that I can only wish being at. You opened the door for me to consider the names I was once just looking up to and dreaming they would recognise me not as a fan but as their colleague. It is you who paved way for me to hand shake with the likes of the media officers of each of the PFL Teams, know some of the big names in PH football scene, interact with Bob Guerrero for football fun facts and other sports stuff, be taught by Ivan Gayares how to determine who the man of the match is, be recognised by Mike Limpag, Cesca Litton and Martin Steuble for my fearless, bold and unconventional way of writing. Thank you for being so ever patient in explaining football jargons and for correcting my lapses in live match reporting.

Thank you, Sir Rey Joble, for the confidence in giving me stories that I can only imagine writing. Thank you for allowing me to pay tribute to where I come from - Colegio de San Juan de Letran, through basketball related articles which are somehow, out of my personal experience as a very proud Letranista. I am most grateful for your reminders that I should not sound so biased for each Letran-related article since I admit having the tendency to do that because I love my Alma Mater that much. Thank you for taking time checking out on me once in a while, talking about things that strays away from sports but more of life in general. I appreciate the fatherly advises you give, it is so genuine of you to do that.

Thank you, Eros, Kriel, Jonas and the rest of Fox Sports Philippines team for all the help you have extended to me the past four months. I hope you guys won't hesitate to keep doing the same in the coming months.

Thank you, Daniel, our Lead Digital Ambassador for all of our collab works which was fun, especially the world cup stuff because it is there that I have realised I can somehow be a comedian by poking fun at myself for all of my errors. Come up here in Manila, soon and let's scour the streets for more vox pops.

To all those have entrusted me their stories; massive thanks! Apologies that some have yet to be found online but sooner or later, I am sure it will be up. I will always stand loud and proud to say I am honoured for each interview I had made:

Coach Thomas Dooley; Coach Chris Greatwich; Kevin Ingreso; Mike and Manuel Ott; Pat Deyto; Phil & James Younghusband; Jeff Christiaens; Patrick Reichelt; Amani Aguinaldo; Jerry Barbaso; Eduard Sacapaño; Iain Ramsay; Michael Falkesgaard; Simone Rota; Dennis Villanueva; OJ Porteria; Anton del Rosario; Daisuke Sato and Neil Etheridge for Football

Coach Andrea Arcega; Deanne Moncada and Natassha Po for Spartan Racing

Coach Seannah Swift; Larry Ronquillo; Eika Barcelona; Capt. Josepheus Lopez and Maj. Ramil Ranario for Running/Multisports

Atty. Percival Flores; Sir Ed Felix; Jonathan Aldave and the whole Pasay Voyagers team - from Head Coach Cholo Martin, the Assistant Coaches, Players - my fellow Letranite JP Belencion and his wife Nikki for helping me get training details, Managers Sir Marc and Sir Paul, down to the very kind owners Sir Miki and Ms. Le-Anne Rubiano for Basketball

Fr. Soysi Cellan for Cycling.

Thank you to all of you for taking time out of your schedules to spare me a minute, hour and a day in order to give my story, be it video or an article some substance.

To the athletes whom I have written about in my other feature articles, wherein some are those I have grown up rooting for in athletic meets, it also is an honour that I was given the chance to write about all of you and how you all made efforts in shaping Philippine sports. Rest assured that my colleagues and I will never get tired of recognising all of your efforts for the pride and glory of the flag and its people.

Thank you, Coach Marielle Benitez; Martin Steuble; Mary Joy Tabal and Claire Adorna, not only for the Instagram follow back but mostly for recognising my craft. You all made me feel that I am doing my job right no matter how much I struggle in making myself believe that I did a good one. I find inspiration and motivation to keep doing what I am doing from all the good words you have said about me. For that and for sharing my articles, thank you. I hope I could be given the chance to personally thank you for such appreciation.

For the record, it still is on my bucketlist to interview Stephan Schröck and Omid David Nazari - biased aside, of course, as these two remains my faves in spite me being missing in action from the football scene for the past month. It was a personal choice as I wanted to prove my versatility and I want to think I am living up to that goal.

How can I ever forget the members of Ultras Filipinas whom I have built awesome friendship with? Kent Garcia and David Abella, you two, among the others are the ones I get to talk to often, making me understand the ultras culture more. Thank you for trusting me with your rants and raves each time you the two of you drops a sentence or two on my Messenger. Even in things beyond football, you showed genuine friendship to me to which I am grateful.

To the people I have met in the football pitch from 2011 to present, you are too many to mention but I am as grateful as ever to have found friends in you. Allow me to stand one name out among the rest - Charles Danforth Cusi Pettys, who, in spite the distance had been so helpful. If it wasn't for his story that I have written and uploaded on my other blog, Xy-Zha of Fox Sports wouldn't have surfaced.

To my professors in Letran who taught me what I know now, my first mentor - Jane Kingsu-Cheng, my Senate internship boss - Sir Sammy Santos, my friends, my family and everyone else in between who has shown me genuine love and support, I am grateful to infinity and beyond.

To Iyah Estacio, who recently proved me that true friends would be there in times you least expect. You've done a massive favour which I am eternally grateful.

To my best friend, Joanna Marie Malayaon, you are my epitome of infinity and beyond. I may not be opening up some things to you but that's because I know you know that I will be fine. I can do this, love! We've known each other that long for you to know that if I choose not to talk about something that hurts, it is because I can go through it on my own, regardless of how long it will take. I love you, I miss you, please be home soon!

In four months being a Digital Ambassador, I've been called awesome and crazy, I've been appreciated as much as I've been hated. Worst, been called a psycho even. But hey, this psycho did so much in four months, eh? This psycho did well enough to leave a legacy once I decide to leave Fox Sports.

It has been a good ride the past four months, I've had extreme happiness and meltdowns, even questionned myself why am I here for - but each time I do so, there will always be something to remind me of my purpose. That somehow, I do have a voice and a power to create or help create difference. For that and above all, for the talent that I am blessed with, I will be grateful and forever thankful to God and give him back all the glory. My success meant nothing if I don't know how to give thanks and give back.

If I may take time to do so, I would confess a bit - I have written this with a broken heart. I just lost that someone who I thought was the love of my life, someone who I thought was the real answer to the seven-year wait but I will choose not to divulge anything beyond that to protect how I feel, what he might feel, and to respect the person whom I still love very much inspite and despite this painful chapter in my existence. I will choose to remember happy memories no matter how few and short-lived it was.

From here on, there'll be less social media activity for me except when I work for Fox Sports coz it is a given that I am going to flood. I will be fine but I will opt to healing, to pick myself up from yet another setback and focus on my job.

Perhaps I would also use up my silence to find reasons to make waking up every morning worth it, and find ways on how to believe that I deserve love again because since this afternoon, I don't think I do have those.

🙂

[fandomfriendly]

I want to be all diary like rn

so like I could just make a note of whatever I’m bout to say but I want it like live forever and i know literally no one on this damn site cares about what i have to say so here I am lol..

I’ve been in this weird pit of overwhelming emotions accompanied by the incapability of processing them for the past few years. It took me so much time to even realize I had such a problem with allowing myself to be a regular fuckin human and initially when I first started seeing the signs of how mentally unhealthily I was living I didn’t know what the fuck to do and abruptly cut off pretty much everything and everyone I loved. I became a fucking hermit. I kept telling myself I was doing it for the better, that I cut everything off and am gonna take my time to heal and grow as a person and when I feel better i will try to rekindle with everything and whatever doesn’t work, just wasn’t meant to be. Which is a mentally unhealthy thing to do in the first place and potentially not only harmed myself but those around me but life’s a fuckin cycle of realizing shit so,,,

Anyways I went through some hella hard times filled with anxiety and depression, literally every day was either full of tears and feeling every emotion at once or was empty and ghost like. But I pushed through it. I learned a lot about my self and how my mind works. I grew as a person and still am. I’m not sharpest in a lot of ways but i know I just want to be a kind and accepting person, not that I wasn’t all those years ago, it’s just that back then I couldn’t present myself as such as I didn’t even have the fucking motivation to live. I mean I like to think I was kind in others eyes but I also fucking hate thinking about what others might think me so again,,, lol. I just know now that I’m trying to be a better person, and I’m trying to learn more and do more this year than I have in the past four years.

I’m writing this now because I’m in a really good state of mind. This month alone I’ve had conversations I never thought I would with people that are so close to me yet knew so little about. That sounds so cryptic lmao. Basically i spoke with my closest family members about struggles mentally and the past and how emotionally traumatizing it was for them and in turn I allowed myself to open up about the exact same thing. A specific convo was with my mom, a woman who has been through hell and back. She told me about past abuse, most of which I was there to witness and we have talked about before, but this time it was different because we spoke as equals. I’m gonna be honest I didn’t open up as much as I could have but it felt like I finally walked over a hill I was dreading for so long. I used to just be a good fake and slap a smile on in difficult time probably not fooling anyone. It’s always been a problem opening up to my family and friends but send me a stranger and I’ll talk their ear off.. well sorta, so like in high school i saw a grief counselor who i guess was technically my therapist but she was a total stranger and the second she asked what I even need to see her for, I broke down. I swear she said like two sentences but I rashly explained all the shit i was dealing with in between fits of tears. At the second meeting I felt like she knew my whole life but somehow I still had more to say?? I literally don’t know how I was so comfortable sharing all that with a stranger so fast like I get it’s her profession and I would’ve opened up eventually and that it could’ve clicked in the back of my mind like ‘why waste time just tell her everything now!’ But idk I think if I were to talk with a stranger that is willing to listen, I would legit do the same thing.. idk.

Anyways, opening up in the slightest bit feels like a major accomplishment. And the fact that i could with my mom who, god bless her, did so much that was seemingly unhealthy and careless to others but meant the world to me, felt amazing. There’s that thing about high school being the time of your life and living it up- a pre show of college which I wasn’t really expecting to be true in the first place but what I didn’t expect was to be emotionally unstable dealing with anxiety, depression, self hatred and grief. So when all this shit hit me like a truck, I was left feeling numb not wanting to do anything with little to no interest in any previous hobbies and likings. I grew up feeling said things^ but didn’t realize until hs how worse it got over time. In the midst of all of that I didn’t know what to do and was having frequent anxiety attacks and even though I couldn’t explain it at all, my mom had a sort of understanding and allowed me to stay home like every damn day. Like I said wasn’t the greatest thing to do but it helped in its own way. In the first years of hs my relationship with my mom was rocky but towards the end she screwed her head on and became more mama bird then ever. We bonded and it felt much better, almost like we rekindled after a long time. Which is kinda true.

Another thing I realized in the past four years was how normalized death was to me growing up. Like by the time I was eight I went through at least six funerals which to my Catholic Mexican/Filipino family meant six mortuary family reunions, six forty day prayers full of greeting mama and papas, being one of the only children to not be playing in the backyard but rather doing the rosary with the adults and what my fam called the ‘Filipino golden girls’ singing walk with thee. Not to mention the other annual prayers with said golden girls where we had a Jesus of Nazareth statue that traveled from the Philippines for a whole week and just prayed for mercy and the souls of our dearly deceased. Like this was the norm for me.. but ALL of that did not prepare me for the deaths of two of the most important people to me. I mean I guess it did because after one of the passings, after a ton of tears and goodbyes in a hospital room, I got in the car and on the way home and immediately thought about where the nice tablecloth was and the saint statues and how to move the table we used as an alter at the previous prayers. So yeah I was prepared but not for the emotions.

Back to why I’m writing this now, i just feel happy??? Idk why this past week was a rollercoaster but overall I felt happy,,,, idk. Imma elaborate..(holy shit I said I could talk the ear off a stranger and look at me spilling hella shit about me rn to the three strangers who’ll see this and scroll right past lmao.) So hmmm, there was a party hosted at my house recently and I was hella excited, I felt like I looked great and was ready to party but as all other times when there’s a gathering of any sort at my house, this weird overwhlelming feeling pops up and fucks everything up. It’s basically a fucking anxiety attack but soooo much weirder than the ones I dealt with in school. I mean they’re both basically the same but these ones felt worse. Because not being able to leave my room for school full of kids I barely knew and not being able to leave my room for a patio full of family and friends that I’m mostly close too should not result in the same form of anxiety. Idk tho it’s all in my sick brain!! but yeah that shit sucked I stayed in my room the whole night, hungry and sober which were two of the things I was absolutely not supposed to be!! There were tacos, &(oops) my fave tequila, good music and fun things planned but that didn’t stop my sick brain from telling me nO. And another thing in this glorious month is —Father’s Day. liSTEN I’m hella damaged nd am not trying to get into ALL of this but to keep it short, my dad who wasn’t in my life until I was one and only very briefly until I was thirteen which also turned out to be very briefly until I was eighteen which you guessed, was also very briefly, just isn’t a good dad. i have a half sibling who I feel so bad for because her parents are literal idiots that just shouldn’t have had kids because they can barely take care of themselves. But the very brief moment when I was eighteen was because of said halfsibling that I was worried for but as of now that family is it’s own and I’m nowhere near it nor do I want to be. But really I wasn’t struggling with my own dad issues this time around but rather my grandpa. It’s just that i know Father’s Day is hard for him because he lost my grandma who gave him his babygirl, my momma. And I didn’t push any emotional induced conversation at all. But as we ate dinner the conversation was about how well he used to get paid as a server waaaay back when and that he’d have stacks in his pocket lmao we were like yeh okay as a waiter all right,, and he sorta slipped up and said, “No really! Ask Mama!” And I’m pretty sure only me and my brother in law heard because he moved on really quickly and there were side convos happening but like a wave of emotions came over me. I teared up the second I heard him say her name because it just reminded me more about how hard this day must be for him. And my throat is swelling up jus typing about it rn so I’m not gonna get eVEN more into it.

But yeah overall June has been okay. I have felt okay. And after months of not going on here I just thought “why not type about this?? This content feelin is all I crave and have been longing for and whenever I get it, in even the slightest, it should be appreciated and remembered.”

Whoop so like what’s some good things that happened in the last few months. Hmmm

Well I’m just finally acting, in the tiniest way ever, as an adult. I didn’t take grip of my life yet but like I took A STEP!!

I’ve got new things I like and am more open than ever to new things.

I’ve got hobbies!! I’m growing mint and wanna start and herb garden. I’m reading and learning a new language that I’ll probably never use but I’m learning it for fun and not for a grade or something and am taking my time with it. And a new language brings so much more!! More people, music, shows and writing!! I mean I’m at a hella basic level but all of those things are helping me.

I’ve thought about reigniting old flames lmao that sounds like getting intouch with old lovers but no. I mean creatively. In the past three years I barely even thought about drawing and in the past few months I found myself thinking about things I could draw up and cool ways to mix medias. I actually looked for my sketchbook and was gonna test it out but I saw some of my old work and got nostalgic and was almost putting myself in my shoes from that year and like that didn’t sit well so I haven’t tried. bUT at least I’m thinking about it again. I really think imma start again soon and just the thought of that makes me happy!!

I took up writing and the result is exactly what I thought,,, I suck at writing lmao but I tried and it was fun and it led me to find some writers online that made me cry over some fictional characters. some were fan fiction and??? A writer no less.. which really doesn’t need to be explained more especially on this site lol

I’m getting healthier. Not that I was suuuuper bad before but it was good either. I did have some horrible eating and sleep habits. I swear I was addicted to food like I ate to fill a void in me idk but l changed that shit real quick. And as for sleep,, well it’s still shit. Considering I started typing this at nearly six am nowhere near tired. Lately I’ve been falling asleep around 6:30am which indeed results in my waking up at noon or past it even but it’ll surely go back to the usual 2:30 to 10:30am schedule. Not too bad...

I’m dressing up again! I don’t go anywhere but catch me looking cute in a fit at home or 7-11. lol I used to be hella into getting dolled up for school and used to play around with hair cuts and colors and different makeup but then suddenly it was like mAYbe I’ll do my eyebrows today and rather than choosing good outfits I would wake up and change from my actual pjs to my outside pjs, loungewear, if you will.

Idk man i just am okay right now and that’s enough to keep me going. I haven’t had a really low point for a few months now and like I said I don’t get this content feeling very often so I’m just really soaking it all up. It’s good, I’m good.. 2018 is fucking flying and I didn’t think I’d get into new things this year but I did and I’m exited for more!!

[tmysblog]

Book #6: Showa: A History of Japan by Shigeru Mizuki Four volumes: 1926-1939, 1939-1944, 1944-1953, and 1953-1989

1. How much did I like the book?

I would unhesitatingly give this series 5/5 stars. Mizuki outlines the history of Japan’s Showa Era (1926-1989) across 4 volumes and somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 pages of manga, or Japanese-style comics. He walks the reader through the events of almost every single year, laying out Japan’s role in the world and at home. Half history, half autobiography, Mizuki’s Showa weaves his own personal experiences into well-documented history. We get to see the reconstruction after WWI through the memories of a child who lived through it, and then we follow that same person through all of his involvement and survival of WWII. Showa does a masterful job of showing us how the dropping of the atomic bombs at the close of WWII affected Mizuki as a soldier, his family as civilians, the Japanese government, and the populace at large. The manga format makes Mizuki’s delivery very casual and accessible. Entirely illustrated, Showa shows Japan’s history instead of telling it. Mizuki also helps us through by having impressively distinct art styles; national history is realistic, often photorealistic, and his personal history is a goofy exaggeration that matches the style that he is famous for in his other classic manga.

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2. Why did I choose this book?

I saw the first volume at my local library while I was looking for more volumes of One Punch Man to read. I picked up the first volume of Showa simply because it looked interesting. At the time, I had been combing through the shelves of the Japanese history section of the BYU library and consulting with professors of Japanese history, trying to find a volume written by a Nihon-jin (Japanese person) that encompassed the vast history of Japan. I could not find a history that spanned more than one empirical era at a time. By the time I had run into that roadblock, I had finished 2 of the 4 Showa volumes and had decided that this was going to count for my Japanese history.

Mizuki grew in the art profession, really making a name for himself making kamishibai, which roughly translates to “paper play” or “picture story show”. Performers would pull up one illustration in a frame and use it like a powerpoint for storytelling. They would reference the art and whatever was going on in the picture as they told their story. Then they would pull the front-most page out, exposing the second picture still in the frame, and continue telling the story. The profession of creating the pictures for the kamishibai died out, but was replaced by comic books or manga. Mizuki was heavily involved in this transition, and was instrumental in making manga a successful industry in Japan. Nowadays, Japan is widely known for their multi-billion-dollar manga publishing industry. All of that information combines to make Showa a very Japanese book. Written and illustrated by an author who was instrumental in creating a new genre based on traditional cultural influences, the series was an incredibly authentic piece of Japanese culture.

Speaking of cultural authenticity, Showa was not designed for a foreign audience, rather a Japanese audience. Popular Japanese manga characters lead us through history in the same way that Donald Duck might explain American history to us (as one endnote puts it). Many of the events on the global scene that are depicted in this series have little to do with the western world at large, focusing on China, India, the Philippines, etc.

In short, I chose Showa because although it lacked the broad overview I was hoping to find, Mizuki’s storytelling and his artful weaving of personal and national historical narratives are absolutely beautiful. I was also blown away by how very Japanese this history was, with very little (obvious) influence from outside cultures.

3. What are some things that stuck out in comparison/contrast to my own country?

Japan’s version of World War II is obviously going to be different from the American version I learned in high school, college, and American-made textbooks. Some of the clearest immediate differences I noted were that Japan felt a little betrayed that they saw world powers (the UK, the USA, Western Europe) using various forms of empire to extend their influence throughout the globe— Japan decided to do this in the Atlantic, and they were immediately told to cease and desist. In fact, Pearl Harbor wasn’t the unprovoked attack we (Americans) make it out to be. The US had levied an embargo against Japan for claiming Pacific Islands as part of their empire, blocking shipments of coal, oil, and steel into Japan. This would leave Japan defenseless during the Pacific War that was breaking out at the same time as the European conflicts of WWII. In order to be able to defend their country, they made a small strike against the chief aggressors, namely the United States military base on an island that was barely a part of the USA at all. Another curious thing about WWII that I hadn’t known: Japan had plans to expand their empire to the American west coast. Had they won Midway, they would have landed planes in California.

Up until the aftermath of WWII, the Japanese held their emperor as a divine being. The United States didn’t believe that or agree with anyone else believing that, so the US military forced the emperor to go through the whole country and announce that he wasn’t divine and that the emperors never had been. I think that was uncalled for. I mean, how do we know that none of their emperors have ever been divinely appointed by a heavenly being?

Contemporary histories about things going on in other countries didn’t tend to talk about the United States and the UK. Instead, Mizuki’s global current events usually dealt with India, China, Korea, the Philippines, Russia, etc. like I mentioned above. Of course it makes sense that a country on the other side of the globe would talk about what’s going on on the other side of the globe. It just struck me as something I hadn’t really thought about before.

“There is no individual, only the country” is the overarching theme of how Japan looks at war, especially World War II. Soldiers were expected to give their lives for Japan, as would likely be expected in any country, but it gets a little extreme in WWII Japan. Some squadrons were sent on literal suicide missions. They were told beforehand that they were not expected to come back at all, some cutting off a finger or toe so family could have at least a bone to bury. Many soldiers were executed for retreating. It should be clear that they were not killed for going AWOL, deserting posts, or treason. They were shot for running away from gunfire instead of running into it. This is very foreign in Western culture, where we place a lot of value and emphasis on individual worth, and I do want to emphasize that it’s not a good or bad thing that Japan held this thought process during war. It’s just a thing they did that is different from how we did things.

4. What are some things I had absolutely no idea about? Things that are completely foreign to me?

Religious observance is different in Japan than we typically see it in European and American settings. A handful of the resources I’ve used to study world religions paint Japanese religion as more of a tradition than a religious belief. Japan may lack the structure and hierarchy of Catholicism or the various branches of Christianity, but that doesn’t make them any less religious. Mizuki outlines various religious experiences that he has during and after WWII. At one point, he is wandering in the jungles of the Pacific islands and stops because there is an infinitely tall and long slimy wall in front of him. He recognizes this wall as a yokai or spirit, and decides to sleep there. He wakes up the next morning on the edge of a cliff, a few feet from falling to his death. This is just one of many personal experiences that Mizuki chooses to share. One of the pictures I shared above is another example that resonates with Christianity a little more than the slimy wall spirit: As Mizuki is being pursued by enemy soldiers, his parents wake up in Japan after having a vision of him being in trouble. They run into the streets to shout prayers to heaven on his behalf, and he is miraculously saved by what most Christians would call the “hand of Providence”. In short, the Japanese are quite a religious people, at least many of them are—their religion just looks very different from what lots of us are used to in the West.

Mizuki talks often about yokai or spirits that he encounters. His most successful manga is about adventures with yokai, and it looks sometimes like he came up with the whole concept, but apparently it wasn’t a Mizuki invention. References to yokai keep popping up in other books and shows from and about Japan, sometimes religiously, sometimes mythically. Compared to the spirits we think of in Western Christianity (usually angels or invisible forces that guide us, sometimes voices in our minds), yokai often take on a physical form that we would consider monstrous. Giant rats with one glowing green eye, infinite slimy walls, sewer smoke that transports you to another dimension.

Japan is a fairly small nation, roughly the size of California, and the ethnically Japanese make up 98.5% of the population. Given the concentration and uniformity of the population, trends, fads, information, and gossip spread faster than a wildfire. This makes it hard to keep secrets!

I’ve mentioned a few times that this series covers the Showa Era of Japanese history. Every time a new emperor takes the throne, they begin a new era in Japan, and begin enumerating years from 1 again. So instead of 1988, they say Showa 63. 1882 was the 15th year of the Meiji Era, and the year was called Meiji 15. 2018 is Heisei 30!

5. Is this book important? Why (not)?

YES.

Shigeru Mizuki’s Showa history series is an important piece of culturally authentic history of Japan. It’s a view into the public and private life of one of the most transformative eras in the history of the country. The format is accessible and memorable. Showa changed the way I see Japan, and tells the often-untold story of Japan in World War II. Everyone should take a chance to read this history.

Get vol. 1 from Drawn and Quarterly!

I would unhesitatingly give this series 5/5 stars. Book #6: Showa: A History of Japan by Shigeru Mizuki Four volumes: 1926-1939, 1939-1944, 1944-1953, and 1953-1989…