#he has a line in the epilogue where is always so dry and weird and emotionally soggy

[prettyboykatsuki]

https://www.tumblr.com/prettyboykatsuki/743697159859453952

You are my only exposure to this man and this video made me fall in love with him ! is he always so dry and awkward??

linky link

he is anon he is always like this. and thats a lot of him in the FIRST GAME where he is older and wiser he is Just Like That. and it makes me love him soooo much you would not BELIEVEEEEE

[freezethebeez]

Every so often, when Tubbo groans about doctor visits and makes jokes about life insurance and gets up early to go running because “genetic predisposition to dilated cardiomyopathy” runs in his family, Ranboo remembers that he’s going to have to watch his husband wither and die. That he is watching his husband wither and die day by day helps him pick out glasses as his eyes start to falter far too early and brushing off any discussion or mention of funerary services when his mother brings it up lays awake in their bed and worries over all the accidents and incidental problems that are inevitably going to rob their loved ones away from them while Ranboo sleeps.

Human death has always seemed unclean to him, as cruel as that sounds. Vampires gain a sort of ageless air to their bodies after they finish growing; the humans who see him and his mother in public call him her father, brother, and son in equal frequency to one another. When they die of old age, it is quick, clean, and only ever due to one thing. Their organ that mimics a heart loses its ability to pump liquid through their cold bodies, for whatever reason. Then, without new, nutrient-rich blood, their cells begin to dry up and cease function. The nerves go first, and consciousness goes after. There is no pain, and the body ends up as a bunch of dust and bone within a few hours.

It is an incredibly kind end for creatures that can only sustain themselves off some form of violence.

Human bodies never have the sense to give up gracefully. From what Ranboo’s gotten from Tubbo, Tommy, and his google searches with horrifying results, humans are powered by a veritable Rube Goldberg machine of liquid and weird fleshy bits. It’ll lose a brain function or vital organ and keep fruitlessly pumping blood and sending signals up to the brain until the whole system ends up drained and warped and dead.

-

When dawn is about to break, when his husband is going to work and Ranboo is going to bed; he catches Tubbo’s hand and presses a mask into it. Not the cloth kind, the good kind with filters.

“Take this? It’s flu season and all, right? Plus, there’s like gas fumes and dust from the machinery where you work. Be safe.”

Tubbo takes the mask and pockets it with a sigh before reaching up to cup his hand around the back of Ranboo’s neck, guiding them down into a hug.

“Love you too,” he says.

And then he is gone, off to world of such light and pace and vibrance that Ranboo could never hope to reach it.  -

anyway pain on the other side of love on the coin that is life amiright? A life without loss is a life without passion or meaning. This has to be worth it.

Hope u enjoy my “Ranboo grapples with the reality of death and loss in love” minific!

I LOVE YOUR MINIFIC OMG

yes, this is absolutely perfect. everything about it. you've essentially written the epilogue for me lol

(also "It is an incredibly kind end for creatures that can only sustain themselves off some form of violence" actually hits so hard. that line is amazing.)

[captainscanadian]

Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 10) - FINALE

My Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Summary: Things may have gotten better but you still need YOUR family...

Word Count: 9442

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter (mentioned), Rebecca Barnes, Winnifred Barnes

Warnings: Swearing, Surgery, Organ Donation, Nudity, Cancer, Death Mention, William Shakespeare (check sparknotes if you would like but I just could not bother translating that shit!)

A/N: This is the first series that I have completed and I must say, I feel so damn accomplished. As I have said before, Better is a fic that is extremely close to my heart because of how personal it is to me. I loved writing every bit of it, even the angst and the fluff. I appreciate all the love that I got for this fic, with Better!Bucky stealing everyone’s hearts and the headcanons you all sent me when I felt really inspired to dive more into this little universe that I had created. We have two epilogues left so this isn’t goodbye. But thank you to @dramadreamer14​ for being the one who got me started on here and for keeping me going until the end of the line (I HAD TO!). You’re the realest, Naynay! This one’s for you! <3

The steam that arose from the hot shower still lingered around the bathroom, the condensation clouding up the mirror as you stood in front of it. Fresh out of the shower and still in the nude, you took a moment to stare at the plain reflection of your delicate body. You watched as a drop of water trickled down your neck before reaching your sternum. Under your right breast was the waterproof dressing that kept covered the now restored masterpiece of Dr. Peter Parker. You could not help but run your fingers over the patch for a moment. These stitches should start dissolving soon.  

Natasha had told you that since your incision had reopened and had to have been stitched up again, you might have a scar on your abdomen for the rest of your life; it was a constant reminder of your sacrifice and the trauma that you had to endure. Not that you minded, really. After all, this scar was also a reminder of you finally opening yourself up to your James.  

The creaking noise of the door snapped you out of your thoughts for a moment and you noticed Bucky Barnes enter the bathroom. “I told you not to get out of the shower until I got back, doll.” He scolded you when he saw you standing in front of the mirror, shaking his head at your reflection as he wrapped the clean bath robe over your shoulder.

You gave him a small smile as you felt your cheeks heat up, looking down at your feet as the drops of water continued to trickle down your bare legs. You could not remember the last time you had managed to shave; it must have been a few days before your surgery. But with your lack of mobility when showering, you had not even bothered to make the effort. For the sake of not soaking your stitches, you had been avoiding taking a bath like the plague. While the shower had definitely helped with maintaining the cleanliness, the sutures in your body prevented you from bending over in order to shave.

Not that Bucky minded though. He was never one to believe in the social constructs of what made someone attractive, especially not with you. His common sense and medical knowledge combined were reason enough for him to know that hair growth was a natural bodily function within women and that shaving should not be a priority to someone who’s currently recovering from a partial liver transplant. He had ensured that you had no reason to feel insecure about that.  

This would be the fourth day he had helped you out of the shower, the fourth time he had seen you completely naked and not made a big deal out of it. As a surgeon, he had seen it all during his decade on the job. But even though you were not his patient, even if you were the love of his life, he was not one to lose his self control and dignity just because you had stood before him unclothed. He understood that you were healing and he was caring for you. It was as simple as that.

He grabbed a clean towel from the rack and handed it to you so that you could dry yourself off. “Nat said that she’ll take a look at your stitches when she comes over tomorrow, just to see if they’re dissolving as they should be.” He told you, his head held low to the tiled bathroom floor. He would not even dare to steal a glance of your naked body without your consent. “I’ll let you get dried off.”

Before he could step out of the bathroom, you quickly grabbed his wrist. “James.” You gave him a soft smile as you stepped forward, leaning in slightly to peck his lips. “Thank you.”

He cocked his eyebrow slightly, giving you a look of confusion that was followed by a soft chuckle. “Get dried off so that I can change your dressing, okay? I’ll get started on breakfast.”

You gave him a nod as you watched him walk out of the bathroom, a sigh of contentment escaping your lips as you turned back to look at your reflection in the mirror. With the fog now cleared up, you could finally see yourself smiling and you began to dry yourself off.

While you were getting dressed, Bucky managed to strip and make your bed before making his way to the kitchen. He got started on making your breakfast, as he had been doing for the last few days. He would say that he was a decent cook for the most part. Having lived alone for all these years, he did have to learn how to make his own meals. However, in recent years with his added workload and unpredictable schedule, not to mention the financial stability, he had hired a personal chef to prep his meals for him while he was away.

His lunches and dinners had always been prepped and stored in his refrigerator by his professional meal prepper every week. But ever since you had come to stay with him, he had contacted the chef and made changes to his usual menu to include your dietary requirements as per Natasha’s instructions. While the fridge had been stored with pre-prepared meals of salmon and broccoli or an avocado salad for you, breakfast was always his thing.

Bucky always prepared you a bowl of oatmeal topped with fresh berries and some freshly steeped green tea, all of which were on the top of Natasha’s list of foods that were good for the liver. As he had learned recently, you were not that fond of the taste of grapefruit though you preferred a glass of cranberry juice with your dinner as replacement for wine. In the last four days, he had become quite fond of all of your weird quirks – from the temperature of the water when you shower to the way you ate your broccoli first before digging into the salmon, he liked all of it.

You got dressed into an oversized nightshirt that MJ had picked out for you after realizing that your closet was rather lacking of clothes that are comfortable enough for someone who’s just had surgery. It was lose around your body, covering a lot more skin compared to a hospital gown but also easy to breathe in. You pulled your dressing gown over your body as you made your way over to the kitchen. Bucky’s apartment was fairly too big for one person alone, with a breathtaking view of the river right outside of his living room window. It was roomy. The guest bedroom itself was three times as big as your entire loft apartment. A part of you felt slightly guilty for taking up that much space, for you had always believed that you deserved less than what you had. But you also felt safe in this apartment, for you were with your James. You were at his home. Home is where the heart is and you had given him your heart.

When you saw that Bucky had set down a bowl of oat meal in front of your seat, you groaned. “James, I can’t...” Your tone was rather whiney but it made him chuckle. “You can’t mask out the fibre with all those berries. It’s disgusting.”

He handed you a spoon as you sat down, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head. “If you eat this and drink your tea, I’ll give you an extra glass of cranberry juice for dinner.”

“You call that an incentive, Dr. Barnes?” You looked up at him with a pout of your lips. “I never thought I would say this but I would actually take the IV and feeding tube over this concoction that Natasha has graciously called breakfast.” You admitted as you took the spoon from him and sighed, struggling to take the first bite. “If that liver of mine doesn’t regenerate in the next few weeks, I swear to God...”

Pulling up his chair next to you, he sat down with his own bowl of oatmeal and held up his spoon. “I’m with you till the end of the line, doll.” He said as he took a bite of his breakfast, scrunching his nose at the texture of the warm oatmeal in his mouth. “Not as good as my usual protein shakes but this would do.”

You let out a chuckle as you took another bite of it, laying your head against his shoulder. “So, your usual diet includes protein shakes and an extensive menu prepared by a personal chef.” You noted, cheekily. “Good to know, Barnes...”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, it’s just that... there are a lot of things that I feel like I didn’t know about you until now.” You admitted, taking another bite before turning over to look at him. “And it seems like you know everything about me by now...”

It took a moment for your James to take in what you were saying and he bit down on his bottom lip, letting out a sigh before giving you a nod. “I do, don’t I?” He asked as he picked at his bowl of oatmeal before turning over to look at you. “I do know a lot about you, maybe more than you had told me.” Admitting that may not have been the best thing to do right not, but he did not care. After all, he wanted to be honest with you. If it meant that he should share what he had done, then so be it. If you did get mad at him for it, then he sure as hell deserved it for invading your privacy.

You raised your eyebrow slightly as you set down your spoon, licking your lips as you picked up your mug to take a sip of the green tea that had now cooled down. “Peggy may have mentioned it when I asked her why the terms on your contract were triple the amount that my parents owed the hospital. She said something about the outstanding medical bills in Philly, which she wouldn’t have known so I asked her how she did know and she was so quick to rat you out that I was actually surprised.” You told him as you laid his hand on top of his, sighing.

“I...”Bucky paused, not knowing how to respond to that. He could never trust Peggy with a secret, could he? For a woman who preaches about attorney-client privilege like it’s the Bible, she sure as hell lacked the social filter that was necessary when it came to his love life.  She could not keep a secret. It did dawn on him that she may have had good intentions, but that did not make her attempts to meddle any better. “I... I’m sorry, I know I violated your privacy. But I only did it because I was worried and I was watching out for you...” He bit down on his bottom lip as he looked away from you, unable to maintain eye contact when you had just called him out on what he had done.

“James.” You shook your head. “She was also quick to explain that what you did was totally illegal and if I did want to take legal action against you, she would have to resign from being my attorney due to her conflict of interest.” You joked, chuckling softly as you tried to lighten up the mood.

“You’re... not mad?”

You shook your head. “No, I mean, I know why you did it. I had built up these walls around me and... I made it so hard for anyone to know anything about me. In a way, it’s my fault that you had to go out of your way to...” You sighed. “It shows me that you care, James, and I’m... I’m glad to have someone who cares enough about me to... not think twice about breaking the law.”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief that you were not mad at him. But how could you ever get mad at him in the first place? “Oh thank God, I was so worried... that you might end up hating me.” He admitted. “I’m sorry, doll. Even though I did have good intentions, what I did was wrong and I have to own up to that. If you do feel like punishing me for what I did, I’m more than willing to accept it.”

“Well, if you insist on being punished, then... since you seem to know everything about me, you could... maybe start off by telling me everything about you.” You told him as you laughed. “I mean, I did know that you came from old money and that you did not have to struggle financially. But you live in a big ass penthouse apartment, you drive a Mercedes but Wanda tells me that it’s not the only car you own... and you have a personal chef and a housekeeper who come in once a week. You seem a lot more... different than... most people I know. And no, I’m not saying this because I feel insecure or anything. I don’t... I just... you are so different, you could have had anything or anyone you wanted and to think that you chose my fucked up heart over that, I’m... I’m flattered.”

“You’re right, doll.” He admitted, picking at his bowl of oatmeal as he turned over to look at you. “I am different. We’ve both had very different upbringings, I won’t deny that. My grandparents were... fairly wealthy. My family’s quite influential in this little town of Shelbyville, Indiana. That’s where I was born. My parents met when they were kids and they were high school sweethearts. They got married right after they graduated from medical school, moved to Brooklyn for their residency and started up their own practice together, as partners. They were both very successful physicians but they also started a family together. Four kids... and a business to run, they could not do it on their own. I was pretty much raised by my nanny, Sarah...”

“Steve’s mother.” You noted, giving him a nod. Steve had told you about his own family situation growing up, with his parents being Irish immigrants who had their own struggles. Mr. Rogers had not been the best of fathers, but he had passed o when he was fairly young. Sarah Rogers had no choice but to become to sole breadwinner of her family, having a young son to take care of on her own. It must have been a miracle that she had managed to find employment with the Barnes. But from what you knew, the woman had pretty much raised your James and she had done a darn good job at it. “He’s told me a lot about her.”

“She was a wonderful woman, Y/N. I wish you could have met her. She would have loved you like her own child. She always treated us like we were her own children. She never acted like she was being paid to take care of us.” Bucky recalled fondly as he thought of his childhood. “She took care of us like we were her own. But she did have certain limits. She always called me Master James, told me that I should never pick on my little sisters and that I should always watch out for them, as their big brother. She always let me watch when she braided their hair or when she cooked, taught me a thing or two along the way. She was the reason why I managed to become friends with Steve. He was like another brother than a friend, really... he still is.”

“Do you miss her a lot?” You asked him, biting down on your bottom lip as you picked at your oatmeal. You were well aware that Steve’s mother had passed away quite a while ago. Though you did not know the details, you knew that she had passed away from cancer. But now that you knew that Bucky did have a close relationship with that woman, you could imagine how hard it must have been for her.

“I mean, yeah... I miss her a lot. I think about her every day, every single day when I go into work, every single time I see a patient, every single time I get called for a consult. I think of her and I miss her every single day. I never...” Looking back to his teenage days was not easy for Bucky. It was never easy for any teenager. But the worst part of it all had to be when he had lost Sarah. He had been nineteen years old back then, having taken a gap year after his high school graduation. Not only had he been unsure about what he wanted do with his life, but he had also made a pact with Steve that the two of them would attend NYU together. Perhaps his decision to declare a pre-med major may have been his attempt at blindly following his parents’ footsteps, but after Sarah’s death he knew exactly what kind of doctor he wanted to be. “I never realized how fucked up our health care system was... until I realized what actually happened to Sarah. I didn’t think that someone who had a clear case of BAC could be misdiagnosed with pneumonia. I didn’t think there was this... systemic... classism that was so deep-rooted... I think that was a wake-up call for me. All I could think of was... if Sarah had been in a better financial situation, she would have gotten better care and she might even be alive today. I think that made me want to be a better doctor than the ones she had, you know... because I don’t think any kid in this fucked up world deserves to lose their mother because their doctors weren’t good enough at doing their jobs.”

You nodded, understandingly. “She would have been so proud of you, James. She would have been so proud of both you and Steve, your sisters. She did a damn good job raising all of you and... she’s watching you do wonders, I’m sure.” You told him with a smile, your hand holding onto his.

His lips curled into a small smile as he nodded. “I do hope so, Y/N.” He admitted, sighing. “You know, I... I wasn’t always like this. Back then, all I cared about was being the best doctor that could be. And I was... good at my job. I’m a good doctor, I know that. I was better than those doctors that Sarah had. But I was so caught up with being a better doctor, that I often... I forgot to be human.” This was true. He did have his head right up his ass until a few years ago. “I was throwing myself into work and... I thought I was doing good, that cutting into hearts were enough. I had a privileged life, Y/N. I never understood how lucky I was that... I had parents who had successful careers or financial stability. I never understood that... I had made it this far was because I was privileged. I never thought about... giving back to those who didn’t have what I had. I... didn’t think that I could do so much more than I already was. I was so caught up with being a good doctor but what I realized later was that I needed to be a better person... because I had a lot of people who were looking up to me. Seeing you made me realize that... you’re not the one who should strive to be better, but me. I needed to be better, for myself ... for my goddaughter, my niece and nephew... for you. You made me realize that.”

You leaned over to give him a quick peck on his lips. “Well, you can’t be better than perfect... and you are perfect.” You told him, and he was indeed that. He was the perfect man, who had once had his flaws but he had worked to fix them all, for your sake.

After breakfast, you found yourself having taken your medication and making yourself comfortable on your James’ living room couch. The downside to being away from work was the fact that it was extremely difficult to kill time. Steve had forbidden you from even logging into your work email, let alone checking the files of your current patients whom you had transferred over to him for the time being. You had no other choice but to binge-watch whatever show was popular on Netflix. Hell, you had not even bothered to have an account on Netflix until Peter had forced you into creating one. You had a list of shows that you were planning to watch during your time in bed rest, as per Natasha’s recommendations. You were never fond of watching television, but at this point, you might as well keep yourself entertained.

While you had gotten immersed in the historically accurate depiction of the British royal family in The Crown, Bucky had found himself sitting in the dining room and catching up on some emails for work. He was on call at the moment but he had not been asked to come into the hospital just yet, so it was all good. Thankfully, Peggy was scheduled to spend the night with you while Steve was at home with Sarah. He had just finished replying to his last email when he got a phone call from his sister. His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he saw Rebecca Barnes’ name flash on his phone before he answered the call. “Hey Becca?”

“Hey Buck, just letting you know that mom and I are on our way over to yours right now. We should be there in a half hour or so.” Becca told her brother in a hurry. “I just came down to drop the kids off for the weekend and mom insisted that I join her for a little impromptu visit. She wants to see Y/N.”

“What?!” His eyes grew wide as he heard what his sister what just told him, but his tone was rather hushed as he did not want to bother you during your binge. “Rebecca, what the hell?! How did she know that Y/N was here and why the hell are you calling me instead of talking her out of coming here?!”

“Bucky, I think you and I both know the answer to that.” She replied, sighing. “You know Steve calls her at least twice a week. Apparently, she heard through the grape vine that you had paid off a large amount of money and asked him if he knew about it. You know Steve. He wouldn’t lie to her so... yeah, she knows about Y/N and you paying off her parents. Oh and Steve was gracious enough to rat me out too. Now she knows that I was also involved...” There was a pause before she let out a sigh. “So... yeah, mom wants to see Y/N and we’re on our way.”

To say that James Barnes was certain that one could not trust both the mister and missus Rogers would be an understatement. How could both the husband and the wife just rat him out to two of the most important women in his life like that? He had no idea. “Alright, thanks for the warning, I guess. I’ll see you when you get here.” Once he hung up the call, he was quick to make his way over to the living room. “Hey, doll?”

You picked up the remote to pause your show before turning your head slightly to face him. “Yeah?”

Biting down on his bottom lip, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweat pants as he made his way around the couch. Sitting down on the loveseat across from you, he rubbed his temples for a moment, not knowing how to break this to you. He had not bothered letting his parents know about the events of the last few weeks, mainly because he did not know how to. But he also did not want to put you in an overwhelming position where you had to deal with them while you were also recovering from your surgery. Surely, you had met George and Winnifred Barnes before. But back then, you were only a colleague of his and now you were his girlfriend. “I don’t want to freak you out but... uh... my sister Becca just called and... my mom’s on her way here right now and she wants to see you.”

“What?!” You asked him in surprise. You had met the woman briefly before at Sarah Rogers’ second birthday party a few months ago. You certainly had a lot of respect for her. But now you were particularly nervous about meeting her again, as you happened to be dating her son. “How?”

Your James winced slightly at the thought of his best friend. “... Steve.” He replied with a sigh. “He told her everything and now she’s on her way here. My sister said that she wanted to see you.”

You let out a groan when he mentioned the name of your mentor. “Fucking Rogers...” You rolled your eyes as you laid your head back, sighing. “James, I don’t think I’m ready to meet your mother now. We’ve barely been a couple. What does she want to see me about?”

“I don’t know, doll.” Bucky agreed as he sighed, leaning over to place his hand on your foot. “You don’t have to put yourself through this if you don’t want to. I could just tell her that you’re not feeling like visitors and send her home.”

You shook your head. “Oh no, don’t do that. I don’t want to be rude.” You told him, biting down on your bottom lip. “I mean, you did say that she might be coming over every once in a while... right?”

“Well, she usually comes to do my laundry.” He admitted with a shrug. “Ever since she retired, she seems to have a lot of time on her hands so... she tends to stop by to do some chores around the house, you know, be a mom. But I was going to tell her to not come by in the next few weeks, you know, for your sake. But Steve just had to spill the beans to her and now’s she on her way.”

“When Peggy comes here tonight, I’ll make sure to give her a piece of my mind.”

The sound of his front door being unlocked by his mother’s set of keys may have startled Bucky slightly, for he sprung to his feet and stomped over to greet her in an instant. “Ma?”

“Hello, James.” The woman greeted her son with a warm smile upon seeing him rush to her, pulling him into a tight hug as she stood on the tip of her toes to reach his height. Even when her son had grown well into his adulthood, he would always be her little baby. As a once working mother who had been forced to spend so much time away from her children, she had always greeted them with a warm embrace when she came home. Her arms always wrapped tightly around them to show just how much she loved them despite not being around to show it as much as she would have liked. No wonder the Barnes children had turned out the way they had. They had two amazing women who had showered them with love and affection. They had never been deprived of a mother’s love, unlike yourself.

A part of him was relieved that his mother was not visibly upset by his actions, but he hugged her back rather hesitantly. All he could do was give Becca a death glare for not managing to talk her out of coming here. But it was too late now, since they were already here. He hoped for the best but for some reason, expected the worst. “Rebecca.”

“Brother.” She gave him an apologetic look that was followed by a shrug of her shoulders.

Pulling back from the hug, Winnifred Barnes ran her hand through her son’s hair fondly. “You look rather well-rested, son. Have you not been working in the last few days?” She asked him with her eyebrow raised at him.

“Uhm... no, not really.” He replied as he scratched the back of his neck. “I was on call the other night and I’m actually on call right now. I just haven’t had anyone call me in yet.”

“And here I thought my workaholic son had finally had a change of heart.” The woman joked as she began to make her way over to the living room. “How’s the lovely Y/N?”

“Uh...” He turned around to look at Becca before following her to the living room. “She’s doing alright...”

You turned off the television before getting out of your comfortable position on the couch, folding your blanket neatly and setting it aside. You fixed your dressing gown as you stood up, turning around towards the door to greet your boyfriend’s mother. “Dr. Barnes.” You smiled nervously at her.

“Oh honey, please... call me Winnie. Or Ma, Ma’s great too. Actually, I think I would prefer if you called me Ma.” She clarified with a smile, walking up to you and gently wrapping her arm around you. “Steve mentioned to me about your surgery the other day. I wish he could have told me sooner though. I would have come down and seen you at the hospital. But better late than never, right? How are you doing?”

“I’m doing much better now, thank you.” You told her with a smile and you could have sworn that your heart could have burst from the fondness that was so evident from this woman. “I... have some great people looking out for me so it’s all good.”

“Of course, you do!” Becca exclaimed as she walked up to you with a wide grin. “Hi, we haven’t met. I’m Becca Barnes and it’s so lovely to meet you, finally. My children have told me so much about you.”

You returned her smile, knowing very well that this woman had been the one who had dug into your past as per her brother’s request. “Peggy told me a lot about you as well, believe it or not.” You told her, making Bucky choke slightly.

Winnifred Barnes turned over to her son. “James, didn’t you say that you were working today? Why don’t you get on your way now? Becca and I can keep Y/N company while you’re gone.”

“Uh...” He looked away from his mother for a moment, turning to you with wide eyes. “I mean, I don’t have to go yet...”

A part of her was slightly surprised by his response, for she knew that her son would never turn down a chance to go into work earlier than he had been expected to be at work. But she was not an idiot. She knew that his reason for wanting to delay going in to the hospital was because he would rather stay at home with you.

She had to admit that it was slightly refreshing to see him like this. Bucky had remained single for while now and had rarely ever brought any women home. Winnifred had always been worried that her son would willingly choose to spend the rest of his life alone despite the fact that he was certainly capable of finding himself a wife. But she knew now that his heart had always been set on you and she could not be more grateful that the two of you had found each other.

When she had heard from Steve, and Becca after much insistence, about your familial situation, the woman’s heart broke. A mother’s love was meant to be the purest of them all. But the fact that your own mother had been the cause of your despair had sickened her. In an instant, she was longing to embrace you and shower you with the love that you had been so deprived of. A mother’s love, for you were now a daughter to her as much as the rest of them, if her son was so sure of making you his wife.

Just then, Bucky’s pager went off against the waistband of his sweat pants. A disappointed groan escaping his lips, he checked the page before making his way towards the dining room to grab his phone. A quick phone call to the nurses’ desk and MJ informing him of a ferry accident was reason enough for him to head to work. When he turned around to head back to the living room, he noticed that his sister had followed him. “What is it?”

Rebecca Barnes bit down on her bottom lip. “Mom... told me to give you something.” She told him as she reached into her purse to pull out a little black box. “When you’re ready, Buck...” She handed it to him and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “If you know that Y/N’s the one, I mean... I’m sure you know that by now. We all know that she’s the one, just... Mom loves her, but that’s not a surprise. Dad’s quite fond of her too, believe it or not. What’s there not to love about Y/N Y/L/N?”

His eyes grew wide as he took the box from her, pulling her into a hug and sighing. His eyes glazed over as he realized that he now had his family’s blessing. Although it was only a few days into the two of you being boyfriend and girlfriend, he had always known that it was you. But now his family did too. “She is the one, Becca.” He admitted, sighing. “She’s always been the one. I’ve always known that if I ever wanted to settle down and have a family of my own, if I didn’t have it all with Y/N, then I didn’t want it at all.”

Becca nodded as she rubbed his back, sighing. “She’s been through a hell of a lot, Bucky. She’s been through enough. She really needs a good family, one where she feels loved and accepted... and we have a damn good family, one that can love her... like family should. She’s earned every right to be a part of what we have. She deserves to be a Barnes.”

Pulling back from the hug, he wiped away his tears before looking down at the box that his sister had just handed him. Opening it to reveal the piece of jewelry that he had been so familiar with, he looked up at her. “Becca, is this...?”

“Our grandmother’s ring?” She nodded. “Yeah, it is. It’s the same one that she gave mom after she got married to dad. It’s a Barnes family heirloom and Y/N deserves it. Mom’s been holding onto it for the moment you... found yourself a woman you want to marry. She told me... what better way to welcome a new Barnes into the family than with a Barnes family heirloom?”

“I can’t believe it.”

“Promise me that you won’t put this off like you’ve been doing for all these years.” She asked her brother. “Promise me that you’ll do it sooner rather than later.”

Your James smiled before giving his sister a nod. “I promise.”

It had taken Bucky ten quick minutes to get dressed for work. As he was low on time, he was a little rushed. He had apologized to you a few times for having to leave you so abruptly and that too in the presence of his mother and sister.

But you had assured him that it was fine. “I knew you were on call, James. It’s cool. I’m just glad I don’t have to spend a few hours alone until Peggy gets here. It’s nice to have some company.” You told him.

He nodded as he leaned over to kiss the top of your head. “You better take care of yourself while I’m gone, you hear me? Your meals are in the fridge. Please eat on time and take your meds on time. No moving around too much while I’m gone and no trying to do chores either. You’re here to rest, not to be my unpaid housekeeper. Understood?”

You gave him a nod as your lips curled into a pout. “Yes, Dr. Barnes.” You giggled. “I’ll be fine. You’re leaving me with Brooklyn’s best internist and PI. What’s the worst that could happen?”

He chuckled softly as he turned over to look at his mom and sister, silently pleading them both not to overwhelm you in any way. He knew that they both understood, but he could not be so sure about it. After all, he wanted to make sure that you were comfortable.

“Oh don’t you worry, James. Rebecca and I can definitely keep her entertained while you’re gone.” Winnifred reassured her son, to which he had simply rolled his eyes in a playful manner.

“Bye Ma...” He waved at his mother, and then at his sister. “Bye Becca...” He turned to you. “Goodbye, doll. I love you... all three of you.” And with that, he turned around and made his way out the door.

You felt your cheeks heat up at his words and you hid your face away from Becca’s teasing look.

“Our boy’s turned into complete mush, Ma.” The PI noted as she giggled, her arm wrapped around you as you hid your face.

“I’ve never seen him so happy.” Her mother agreed, turning over to look at you. “Steve told me just how much he loves you, Y/N. I’m so happy for him... and for you. You two really deserve each other.”

“James... is a really great guy, Winnie.” You agreed as you looked up at her. “And I have you to thank for that.”

As the hours went by, both Winnifred and Rebecca Barnes had stayed with you. They had kept you fairly occupied, talking about the one man whom you all loved. You had learned a lot more about your James that day, by just listening to them talk for hours on end about him. Both Winnie and Becca had a lot of stories to share, from his childhood to his adulthood.

You had come to learn that Bucky had been a complete nerd at school due to his photographic memory, often being picked on by the other kids for his smarts. But he had always had a backbone too, standing up to his bullies when they picked on him and when they picked on Steve. That was no surprise for you though. He had stood up for you too. While his mother had told you stories of him as a child, his sister had been the one who had shared the most embarrassing ones of all – his first crush, his first kiss, his prom date... the dirt on Bucky that his mother would not have known. All in all, you had learned a lot about his life more than you had done that morning and you could not have fallen even more in love with him than you already were.

When lunchtime rolled around, Becca had been the one to heat up your pre-prepared meal while Winnie had read through the copy of Natasha’s specific instructions that Bucky had stuck to the refrigerator and took out the right medications for you to take. But the stories never stopped. They had kept their word to Bucky and kept you more entertained that any show on Netflix could have. You had learned quite a lot about Shelbyville, Indiana, where the Barnes were originally from and their family’s estate there. They had even managed to sneak an invite for you to be there for the next Barnes family reunion. For a family that had been well settled in Brooklyn, they still kept in touch with their roots. You admired that.

Becca had left shortly after lunch though, as she had to pick up her children from pre-school and head home. Before you knew it, the sun had set and you found yourself sitting in the living room with your boyfriend’s mother, a glass of cranberry juice in your hand and a glass of wine in hers. You had talked to her about how she had managed to have a successful career as a doctor, while also raising four children of her own. You had admitted two her of your interest to someday have a family of your own as well while still continue working, something that you never would have dreamed of a week ago. But things had changed for the better.

You had to admit that this woman acted like she was more of a mother to you than your own mother, despite only having known you for a few hours. You knew where James got his charm and good heart from. It was all from his mother. Winnie had been the one to heat up your dinner, before stealing one of her son’s portions for herself. As the two of you sat down to eat at the dinner table, Peggy had arrived to take up her shift with you according to Wanda’s schedule.

“Peggy, darling, I should have called you sooner but I just got so caught up with talking to Y/N that I forgot.” Winnie apologized to her. “Go home to your husband and kid, seriously. I have no problem staying with Y/N for the night. James wouldn’t be back until the morning and I’m sure you’ve got to be at work tomorrow. Don’t worry.”

“Winnie, are you sure?” The attorney asked her. “I really don’t mind staying with Y/N.”

“Honey, I have no job and my husband’s out of town. I have no problem spending the night here with Y/N until James gets out of work. Just go!” She told her with a chuckle.

The British woman wiggled her eyebrows at you when the other was looking away before she bid you farewell. Boy, was she going to give Steve a treat for spilling the beans to Winnifred Barnes.  

You had been sitting on the couch with your feet up, pulling the blanket over your body as the sun had set and the stars had filled up the sky, little twinkling lights that reminded you of your endless night shifts with Dr. Barnes. You felt the happiest when you worked the night shifts with him, splitting take out and chatting away about the weirdest things. And now you were doing almost the same with his mother. “Thanks for being here, Ma...” You told her as you turned over to look at the woman who sat in the loveseat across from you. Your eyes were a little droopy from the exhaustion of the day despite not doing much. It seemed as though you found yourself becoming tired rather easily nowadays, thanks to the medications you were taking and the extensive process of literally re-growing an organ that you had managed to cut off and donate.

“I think it’s time you went to bed, sweetheart.” Winnie told you as she watched you let out a yawn.

You shook your head. “Maybe in a few minutes...” You told her, letting out a soft chuckle. “I haven’t been able to sleep on the bed. It feels too soft sometimes. Plus, I’m way too comfortable on this couch right now so... let me just savor that some more and then I can go to bed.”

A soft chuckle escaped the woman’s lips as your response and she stood up from her seat. “How have you been sleeping then?” She asked you as she sat down next to you on the couch, her arm wrapped gently around your shoulder.

“Well, James... usually stays up until I fall asleep. He sleeps in the guest room with me sometimes.” You replied, blushing slightly. “I think he likes to watch me sleep, to make sure I’m okay. And when he’s working nights, Nat and Wanda... snuggle up to me until I fall asleep.”  

You did not even realize how that conversation had ended. But unbeknownst to you, you had managed to fall asleep on Winnifred Barnes’ shoulder that night. Not wanting to wake you up, the woman had made herself comfortable on the couch while she laid your head on her lap, her hand gently stroking your hair while she had dozed off.

When Bucky Barnes had returned to his penthouse apartment following his excruciating night shift, the least that he would have expected was for you to be asleep in the guest bedroom with Peggy taking the couch. But what he had walked into was something much better than that. Seeing you fast asleep on his mother’s lap while she had woken up to the sound of him coming home was everything he could have wanted and more.

He tiptoed over to the living room, setting his bag down on the coffee table before sitting down on the loveseat across from his mother. “I’ve never seen her sleep so peacefully... and believe me, I would know. I’ve watched her sleep quite a few times.” He whispered, trying not to wake you up.

Winnifred Barnes laughed softly at her son before shaking her head, her hand still clutching onto yours as you slept. “Steve may have mentioned that as well. He would never leave anything out.”

“That punk...” He rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “But... uh... are you not mad at me for what I did, Ma? I should have at least told you and dad before I went ahead with my... excessive spending.”

“Oh James, you know you don’t have to apologize for that.” She shrugged it off. “You were protecting the woman you love, as you should have. If anything, it just made me so proud that... I must have done something right, raising an absolute gentleman like you.”

Bucky let out a chuckle. “Yeah... well... I wasn’t always a gentleman. I think the term that one would use to describe me was... fuck boy or man whore. I’m pretty sure it was one or the other.” He had to admit that he was ashamed of his past. He had to apologize for the way his actions had often brought shame to his parents back then. “I gave you and dad such a hard time, acting so reckless and stupid.”

“You were young... and stupid, kid. But that’s all part of growing up. You do stupid things but you eventually learn from them. We can’t hold it against you for doing what everyone else your age was doing.” Winnie told her son. “But I think your father and I both knew that you would grow up eventually and you would change. We couldn’t be more proud of you, for everything you’ve accomplished as a surgeon... and as a philanthropist.”

“I don’t think I should take credit for that, Ma.” He smiled, motioning towards you. “It was all her. She made me better.”

“And that’s why I knew that she’s the one.”

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the ring box that Becca had given him the day before. “Thanks for this, Ma.” He told her as he fumbled with the box for a moment, looking up at his mother with a content smile. “Thanks for everything. Thanks for being a good mom. I was lucky to have a mom like you and now I know that not many people can say that about their mothers, Y/N included.”

“The best part of being a mother was coming home to you and your sisters. Your dad and I had you before we did our residencies. When we moved to New York, we weren’t sure how we were going to manage raising you while working full time. Sarah was a big help but I always knew that I had to do my best to be a part of your life. I was not going to put my career over my children, because in the end it was your father and I who decided to have you when we had you.” She told him, a genuine smile evident on her face. “I love you, James. I always wanted you to know that, because a kid should never be deprived of a mother’s love, no matter how old he is or if he’s the best heart surgeon in New York. You’ll always be my little boy and I’m so proud of you.”

“I love you too, Ma... and I know that as she gets to know you, Y/N would love you too. She needs a good mom in her life and you’re the best mom I know.” Standing up from his seat, he walked around the coffee table to give her a kiss on the cheek. “You should probably go home and get some sleep. I’ve got her from here.”

James Barnes had a few hours to contemplate how he was going to do this. But he knew that this was exactly what his heart had desired. He was going to ask you to marry him the moment you woke up, not because he wanted to rush you into this relationship. He was not impatient, but this was not for him. He knew that Becca had been right about one thing – you needed a good family and the unconditional love that came with it. You needed a mother who would shower you with love and a father who would treat you as a human being. You had your girl friends but you also needed sisters. You needed to be a part of something more than just your little group of friends at the hospital. You needed family.

When Peggy’s parents had refused to attend her wedding to Steve, she had been quite upset. When he had asked Steve why their absence was such a big deal, Steve had explained to his promiscuous self that marriage was more than just two people coming together. It was about two families coming together as one. But you did not have a family of your own, so he might as well make you a part of his.

Bucky, although claimed to be lacking in the romantic department, had certainly proved that he was capable of pulling off some elaborate proposal if he wanted to. He could certainly afford it and a woman like you deserved to get engaged in style. But if he knew one thing about the woman he loved, it was that Y/N Y/L/N lived a rather simple life. She did not care for the riches, but for the thought that went behind every single thing he would do for her. You would want a simple yet genuine proposal from him, so that was exactly what he was going to give you.

“I loved hanging out with your mom and sister. I got a lot of dirt about you and your rebellious years. You’ve lived quite the life, Dr. Barnes.” You told your boyfriend as you made your way towards the kitchen once you had showered and gotten dressed. A look of confusion had plastered across to your face as the aroma of fresh pastry lingered up to your nostrils, much to the contrast of the usual morning oatmeal topped with fresh berries that you had been so used to. “James?”

“I was thinking... that after four whole days of oatmeal for breakfast, you might want something a little bit more indulging.” He chuckled softly as he set a plate of Cannoli’s on the kitchen island. “I ordered it from the little bakery down the street. They’re my favorite cheat meal.”

“Cannoli’s?” You asked, your eyebrow raised as you sat down on the chair. “What’s the occasion?”

“It was the closest thing I could find to a Venetian feast at such short notice.” He replied with a shrug as he walked around the kitchen island to kiss you softly.

“Why a Venetian feast?” You asked him as you picked up one of the pastry rolls and took a bite, letting the chocolate-y mascarpone filling give life to your partially dead taste buds.

Your James took a step back from you for a moment, taking your free hand in his as he bit down on his bottom lip. If he was going to do this, he was going to do this right now, because he did not want to put this off like he had put off confessing his love to you for years. He was not going to keep you waiting on him any longer that he had already done. “As our good friend William Shakespeare once wrote... You see me, Lady Y/L/N, where I stand... Such I am. Though for myself alone... I would not be ambitious in my wish... To wish myself much better, yet for you... I would be trebled twenty times myself- A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times more rich- That only to stand high in your account.”

Your eyes glazed over as you realized what he was saying. It was Portia’s monologue to Bassanio before she gave him her ring as a symbol of her love and commitment to him in The Merchant of Venice. The only difference though, was that he had changed the pronouns. “James.”

“Happy in this- he is not yet so old... but he may learn. Happier than this- he is not bred so dull but he can learn. Happiest of all is that his gentle spirit... commits itself to yours to be directed... as from his lady, his governor, his queen. Myself and what is mine to you and yours... Is now converted.” Bucky was in tears as he pulled out the little black ring box from his pocket and held up to you, dropping to his knee as he showed you the ring. His heart was beating right out of his chest, but for once he felt truly alive. His heart was no longer stone cold or dead. Yes, you had thawed him out completely. “I give them with this ring.”

You looked down at the vintage diamond ring that he had been holding. “James...” You crouched down to grab his face, his hair getting entangled with your fingers as you wiped away his tears with both of your thumbs.

“I’ve lived a life so different from yours, Y/N. I had all the money in the world and a loving family. I want what was mine to be yours too.” He sniffled. “I want you to have a family. I want you to be a part of mine. I want you to be a Barnes, if you would accept my proposal.”

Your voice was trembling and you were unable to speak. You nodded your head quickly as you continued to cry, your hands not leaving his face. Your eyes darted down to the ring that he had been holding and you nodded once more. Removing your hands from his cheeks, you held out the palm of your left hand towards him.

Bucky grinned widely as he wiped away his tears, retrieving the ring from its box to gently slide it onto your ring finger. “You don’t have to marry me right away. It can be tomorrow morning or ten years from now, I don’t care. You don’t have to have a custom made dress and flower arrangements. A courthouse wedding with a judge and two witnesses is more than enough for me, as long as it’s you that I’m marrying.”

“I think I have a better idea, Dr. Barnes.” You told him as you took both of his hands in yours. “How about we get married on Valentine’s Day? In your hometown of Shelbyville, Indiana... at your family’s estate, surrounded by your family and all of our friends. Steve would be your best man. Sam, Clint, your other friends and your brother-in-law would be your remaining groomsmen. Natasha would be my maid of honor and she’ll help me plan the wedding, from the color scheme to the flower arrangements and picking out a dress. Your three sisters, Peggy, Wanda would be my bridesmaids. Sarah and your little niece would be flower girls, your nephew the ring bearer and... the Chief’s ordained so he can marry us. Your parents will be sitting front row... and Matthew can walk me down the aisle.”

[flowerfan2]

Gray Skies - Epilogue (now complete)

McDanno, 13k, A03 Read from the beginning here

Hi all!  Apologies for taking so long to finish this - in my head it was done, but a conversation on the H50 writer’s discord about WIPs reminded me that I had meant to give it an epilogue.  So here it is - hope you enjoy it!

Summary: What if Danny misses work because some days, he just can’t manage to come in? What if Danny didn’t move into Steve’s house just because he was worried about Steve, but also about himself? Living with depression doesn’t have to mean living without love.

Epilogue

Six months later

Steve’s in the kitchen, having a philosophical debate with himself over whether trying to find pineapple flavored coffee to tease Danny with is worth the effort, when the man himself comes into the room.

Danny’s looking kind of rough, hair tousled and unshaven.  He clearly hasn’t showered yet.  Steve’s heart squeezes a little, and he moves towards Danny, arms opening to catch him in a hug.

“Nuh-uh, none of that,” Danny says, stepping back and shaking his head.  “I’m fine.”

Steve stops in his tracks.  He’s surprised, to say the least.  Since when has Danny not wanted a morning hug?

“I didn’t say you weren’t fine,” he responds carefully, searching Danny’s face for a clue to his mood.

“But you assumed.”  

Danny’s clearly annoyed, even upset, and Steve can’t fathom why.  “No, I just wanted to-”

“Don’t lie.  You took one look at me,” Danny waves his hand up and down his rather unkempt self, “and you decided I needed help.  Next thing you know you’ll be offering to put on some music and bring me peppermint tea, or build a pillow fort, or give me a back rub.”

“And those are bad things?  I was under the impression that you liked it when I did nice things for you.”  Now Steve is getting annoyed too.  “What’s got into you this morning?”

 “Nothing,” Danny says, a little too loudly.  “Absolutely nothing.  It is an absolutely normal morning.”

 “Then why are you acting like this?” Steve can feel his voice rising to meet Danny’s.

 “Like what?  I haven’t done anything unusual.  It’s you who’s being weird – why aren’t you out on a run, huh? Or swimming around the island, or practicing for a decathlon?”

 “Oh, that’s mature.  And I already went for a run, as you would know if you were having a reasonable conversation with me instead of-”

 “So it’s my fault for not being reasonable?  Forgive me, I should have gotten up earlier, been prepared to quiz you on your morning activities.  Sorry I’m not a mind reader.”  Danny scrubs a hand over his face.  “Shouldn’t have bothered to get up at all, if I can’t do it right.”

 Steve doesn’t understand how this has gotten so out of hand.  “Danny, please, tell me what’s going on?”

 “For god’s sake, Steve, can’t a person just want to have a lazy morning for once, without his partner jumping all over him to fix everything?”

 Steve bites back his immediate reaction, which is to argue some more, and point out that maybe a person who wanted a lazy morning shouldn’t have started it by picking a fight as expertly as Danny just did.  But maybe something he’s learned in therapy is actually sticking, because he takes a deep breath instead.

 Danny’s hands are tightening into fists as he watches Steve, and he can tell Danny is about to blow.  But then, remarkably, Danny takes a deep breath too, and removes himself from the kitchen.

 Steve follows him – slowly, respectfully, not like he’s running after Danny to keep arguing, definitely not – and finds Danny staring out at the lanai.

 “It’s raining pretty hard,” Steve says. He’s not changing the subject so much as giving them both a chance to regroup, and Danny knows it, squeezing his eyes together hard and taking another deep breath before answering.

 “Yeah.  Good for the plants, though.”

 “Yeah.  It’s been dry.”

 “Yeah.”

 Steve lets another long moment pass, watching Danny’s shoulders relax and his fists unclench.  “If I come over there and give you a hug, ‘cause I like you a lot and for no other reason, are you gonna snap at me again?”  Steve asks calmly.

 “Asshole,” Danny mutters.  “Come here.”

 Steve wraps his arms around Danny from behind, and Danny leans back against him.  They both stare out at the downpour for a few minutes.  Steve loves the way he can feel Danny breathing, how he can match his inhales and exhales if he tries.

 He presses his nose into Danny’s shoulder, rubs his cheek against the soft t-shirt Danny wears to sleep in, and Danny tilts his head to rest it on Steve’s.

 Sometimes Steve wants to worm his way right under Danny’s skin, line them up together and fuse them tight with no space between them.  Maybe then he’d understand better what makes Danny tick, when to push and when to give him space.  Thing is, Steve hardly ever wants space from Danny anymore, and he thinks Danny feels the same. They’re getting better at this, lifting each other up without either of them faltering as a result, but it takes practice.

 “You went for a run in the rain?” Danny asks, as a burst of lightening races across the sky.  His voice holds nothing of the accusatory tone from just a few minutes ago, he’s just asking.

 “It wasn’t raining as hard before,” Steve says.

 “You’re kind of crazy.”

 “I know.”

 They fall silent again, but it’s more comfortable now.  Steve nuzzles against the side of Danny’s head, where his hair is buzzed short, and Danny hums contentedly.

 “I don’t feel depressed,” Danny says.

 Steve gets that he’s circling back to their earlier conversation, although he’s not sure yet where it’s going. “Okay,” Steve says carefully.  

 “No, I mean it.”  Danny turns in Steve’s arms, gives him a quick peck in the vicinity of his chin, and then steps away, walking over to the couch and flopping down.  “I’m okay. I’m so much better than I was, you see that, right?”

 “I do,” Steve says, and he means it. They’ve been going to therapy, and are each on slightly different meds, and he thinks it has helped both of them. Sure, there are good days and bad days, and Steve’s nightmares have proved difficult to shake, but overall they’re in a much better place than they were six months ago when Danny finally pushed them to get professional help.

 “But I woke up this morning,” Danny continues, “and I just felt, I don’t know, bleh.”

 “Bleh?”  Steve asks, letting a hint of humor color his tone, and Danny smirks.

 “Yeah.  Bleh.”

 “Okay.”

 “Do you get it, though?  Not hopeless, not as if I couldn’t bother to get up.  Not like there wasn’t any reason I could think of to even move.  Just bleh.”

 Steve comes over to the couch and sits down next to Danny, twisting so he can see his face.  “That’s good, right?”

 Danny snorts.  “Yeah, I thought so.  But then I came downstairs and you looked at me with that concerned face and…”

 “You felt like I wasn’t seeing your success.”

 Danny sighs and gazes away.  “I don’t like the idea that I’m always going to be sick, to you.  Someone who needs help.  I don’t like feeling weak.”

 Steve slides a little closer to Danny and bumps their knees together.  “One, you’re not, and I could tell you about a hundred reasons why, although you know them already.  And two, I could say the same thing about me.”

 Danny looks at him now, his nose wrinkling.  “I know. But why do I still worry about it?”

 Steve shrugs.  “Guess we’re just going to have to be patient.”

 Danny laughs half-heartedly and pokes a finger into Steve’s chest.  “Ha. Good one.  You, patient?  We’re doomed.”

 “As long as we’re doomed together, we can handle it.”  Steve leans his shoulder against Danny and Danny leans back, his hand reaching for Steve’s.

 “We’ve been doomed together before.”

 “Multiple times,” Steve agrees.

 “Remember when we dropped that nuke into the ocean from Kamekona’s helicopter?”

 “Not sure I could forget that, Danny.” Steve would love to forget it, it was terrifying, but there’s no chance.  “We still made it back in time for Kono’s wedding, though.”

 “That we did.”  Danny picks up his hand that’s holding Steve’s, and plays with his fingers.  Steve watches him, his heart stuttering as Danny brings his hand up to his mouth for a kiss, and then lets out a long sigh.

 “You know,” Steve starts out slowly, “I really did intend to have a lazy day today, too.  I cut my workout short and everything.”

 Danny rolls his eyes at Steve. “You did?  What does that even mean?  Only two hundred push-ups?”

 Steve glances over at the window as another burst of lightning streaks through the clouds.  “Thought I’d put on some Norah Jones and make something decadent with bacon.  Maybe eat it in a pillow fort.”  Steve raises an eyebrow at Danny.  “Rainy days are good for pillow forts.”

 “Using my words against me,” Danny groans.  “I’m gonna kill you.”

 “I was thinking about back rubs, too…”

 Danny opens his mouth, then closes it again.  “If back rubs are a euphemism for something else, I may regret rejecting them as a potential activity for today.”

 “Maybe yes, maybe no.  Does that mean you’ll reconsider?”

 Danny lets a smile dance across his face, then stifles it in mock exasperation.  “But no peppermint tea.  A guy’s gotta draw the line somewhere.”

 Steve beams, and pounces on Danny, who flops back on the couch and grins at him as Steve covers his body with his own.  Danny reaches for Steve’s head and pulls him down into a blistering kiss that is entirely out of synch with the whole lazy day aesthetic.

 “Sex now, lazy day and pillow forts later?” Steve asks when Danny lets him come up for air.

 “Sounds like a plan,” Danny replies, one hand sliding down to give Steve’s butt a squeeze, grinding them both together.

 “That’s why I love you so much,” Steve says between kisses, “you have the best plans.”

 Danny laughs against Steve’s skin, sending shivers down his spine, and there’s the Danny he knows again, sunshine bright and heart open.  “Love you too, babe, love you too.”  

[lucarioisinthevoid]

---- Frozen Birds ----- (This is a drabble actually based on the Henry in hell stuff, something I was very keen on writing Now that the end quickly approaches… The end of the year, the end of the series (on tumblr, the Ao3 thing will stay active, just super slowed) and the start over. All of it at once, feels weird. Hope you enjoyed the little something we did on here! ^D^ OH. BY THE WAY. I HAVE MORE EPILOGUE ASKS THAT I WILL PUBLISH, MAINLY ABOUT MIKE/SIMON. They’ll be put on tumblr after the event is over, but if you wanna see anything more than that, I’d put it into the comment section of the Ao3 thing! You don’t even need an account to comment. Also, I’ll very slowly put up the things for today, because celebrating is going on. That all aside, enjoy me overthinking Mr. Hippo.)

Mr. Hippo was always a bit of a wild card. And by that Henry meant he was easy to forget and the radius of noise, which would keep him at bay, was almost impossible to predict. Before he knew it, the hippo slipped out of the grasp of the music- or whatever it was playing- and into the office. Henry didn’t mind being killed by him however. He gave him a big bite and let him slowly bleed out while telling a story, that was almost comfortable in a twisted way. Somehow Mr. Hippo reminded him of an old teacher he had- a goofy man with no sense of style and easily distracted. Good to train pick-pocketing on… … and he always gave everything he took back to him. Now he was sitting there, sighing, feeling his hot blood slowly sicker out of him, drying and becoming sticky as he had turned his attention to the animatronic. He wondered what nonsensical story he would tell today. Of course, as promised after the last story, he had stopped looking for a meaning or a point- it was far more like someone telling you a bedtime story. As his eyes slowly grew tired… “Well…” The Hippo sighed as he looked at the bleeding man, who looked back up at him in turn. “…it seems that your journey has ended.” Slightly Henry smiled, knowing as good as Hippo that the end wasn’t ever the end. Still, the machine insistent on being somewhat apologetic every time. “Very sorry about that, it was-it always was going to end this way, of course. If it weren't by me, it would've just been by some other, y'know, terrible thing, just, you could not imagine how terrible it would be. Just, I get scared thinking about it. Glad it's not me.” Suppressing a scoff, the Pink Guy let the purple hippo ramble on. A story was coming, he didn’t have to rush for it, complaining only lead to more time being wasted before they got to the good, senseless part. For a moment longer Hippo stopped, seemingly thinking- Then something… unusual… flickered in his eyes, peaking Henry’s curiosity. But- he would let the story play out. “… it reminds me of a-of a time I was speaking to my good friend Orville. We were-we were sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. I was on the left, he was on the- wait, wait. Was I on the right? Or left? Anyways, doesn't matter. We were sitting on there watching the pigeons. And uh, I-I said to Orville, ‘Friend, those birds are frozen.’” Something within Henry suddenly woke up. Something- feral. Cold. He shifted uncomfortable, unsure of where this story was going. The storyteller didn’t seem to realize the steer in his audience, however. “A-and he kinda looked at me like I'd lost my mind, but I reminded him that it was winter, y'know, and often birds will sit in a tree until they freeze, then they, they you know, sorta fall to the ground. Until the sun warms them up, a-and they can, y'know, move around again.” The hippo sighed and Henry relaxed again at the good news. Of course- in real life they didn’t, but Mr. Hippo said the birds he knew, they froze and then they moved again when the sun came- It was fine. More interested he tilted his head as the hippo spoke up again. “So I said to Orville, you'd might as well save those breadcrumbs until the birds thaw, because they can't very well enjoy them in the condition they're in. To which he asked what I meant, and asking what condition the crumbs should be in before he threw them to the birds, assuming that I meant the birds couldn't enjoy-the breadcrumbs in the condition that the crumbs were in, when in-fact, I had meant the birds could not enjoy them in the condition that the birds were in, considering that the birds were frozen, you know. So he took a moment and then threw his last handful onto the ground. I said to him; ‘Orville, why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when I just told ya' they're frozen?’ To which he responded; ‘The breadcrumbs are not frozen.’ Again, misunderstanding my words. I didn't mean to say that the breadcrumbs were frozen, when I said ‘I told ya they're frozen’ I'd been referring to the birds.” At that Henry chuckled a bit. Yes, trying to do something good for those who couldn’t appreciate it- He knew about that. Even when he knew he wasn’t supposed to look for meaning in the story, he couldn’t help but do so, it was the way he related to stories. By relating them to himself. It was better to let them be frozen, until everything was ready. It had been better to keep them stored away, frozen, waiting for the spring. Just after that thought, Mr. Hippo continued- And suddenly something felt very wrong. Suddenly Henry felt ill. Memory and the story seemed to start swirling, the blood loss was getting to him- “You know, in hindsight, what I-what I should've said was, and this would make perfect sense: ‘Why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when the birds are frozen?’ He misunderstood upon my correction stating that, he didn't know what else to do with the breadcrumbs and, that, perhaps you know, when the birds thawed they'd still be able to eat the crumbs, so I-I-I said to Orville- I said, this is what I said to him- I said… ‘Orville, the birds may be dead.’” It was completely silent for a second. Something shot through Henry so old, cold and violent, an anger so sudden, so hateful and frenzied, for a second his body’s condition was completely irrelevant. He jumped up and towards the machine, ready to tear it apart with his hand. His skin felt like it was melting, his brain was splitting and he HOWLED- “THEY WERE FROZEN! THEY WERE FROZEN! IT’S NOT THE SAME AS DEAD! THEY WEREN’T DEAD, THEY WERE FINE, THEY WERE FINE, THEY WERE FINE- YOU FUCKING BASTARD, YOU ABHORRENT WASTE OF METAL AND FUR- HOW DARE YOU, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT?! YOU KNOW IT IS UNTRUE! THEY WOULD HAVE THAWED, THEY WOULD HAVE THAWED IN THE SUMMER, WHEN EVERYTHING WAS READY, THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE, THEY WERE FROZEN, THEY WERE FROZEN- THEY NEVER WERE DEAD!“ Out of nowhere the golden suit was there, grabbing him, pulling him backwards as his mind faded, not even able to listen to the words coming out of his mouth- Everything was spinning- Goldie brought him away, as everything faded to black. Concerned Mr. Hippo adjusted his tie, having gotten a good scare when the usually the polite man suddenly overreacting so much. “My… uh… he seems to really like birds. Our friend I mean. That story must have upset him.” The kid that had stepped beside him, pretending to balance on a line on the ground, as though he was on a thin rope billions of miles over the ground just shrugged. “The only birds he likes are the one he has caged.”

[the-sons-of-dutch]

So I got around to it and watched RDR1 for the first time all the way through just because I hadn't seen anything other than cutscenes with javier/bill/dutch and I wanted to know what it was about.

I have some thoughts on it I'm gonna say but, before you read ahead know I only watched the main cutscenes. I didn't play it, I'm not judging on gameplay or anything like that, this is not about it being fun to play, this is about what it's like to watch. I know the game is also 10 years old so I'm not judging on animations or anything like that either, old games can have jittery and awkward animations and still be good games.

And overall: not worth the 4 hours of cutscenes. Only a few parts are and even then it's because it's weird. If I had played the first game first and not the second one I wouldn't have really wanted to play 2 after 1.

~~

So, here are my thoughts:

First one had a lot of uncomfortable moments in it that was revolving mostly around sex. A lot of references to human trafficking, a sex scene that felt too long anyway, just a lot of disrespect towards women in general and it felt weird since all that came from the people in Mexico, but there was like none of that from white men aside from one comment.

Abigail and John have 0 connection, there's nothing there, they had more in the epilogue of 2 than the scenes in 1. Abigails first scene where you see her she runs out of the house and up to John and starts hitting him and it sets off red flags asap. (as someone who was in an abusive relationship I can say it made me feel very bad)

Jack was just a rude ass and even his father/son relationship with John didn't feel as good as it did in the second game epilogue. They kind of fell flat with it, it feels like John just adopted Jack recently rather than had been his father for years on end.

There's time line issues with the way they had set up the games, Abigail mentions that John "always leaves" and "jack is growing up without a father" which does not make sense considering the time line of 2. And you can argue that 2 wasn't out yet, and you'd be correct, but they should have referred to the time line they had set up previously to keep the story more linear.

It was really hard to watch and kept going off track of Bill and Javier and Dutch, and fell more onto John helping Mexicans with another revolution. It felt like the entirety of the Guarma chapter but with more crudeness and a bit more story dashed in there.

It wasn't until Javier and Bill were killed that the game even remotely took a turn for better because after Javier and Bill died John left Mexico and the crude sex shit stopped and the game felt better, but not by much.

Even when John went home, there was a lot of issues with racism specifically from one guy to natives (and my friends who are native and watched the scenes were also uncomfortable during it.) and the way Dutch is very obviously using native people for his own personal gain is outright disgusting. It was bad in 2 with Eagle Flies and its just as bad, if not worse, in 1.

Rdr1 had a white man, who BTW takes cocaine right on screen once which isn't the worst part but it's weird to watch, tell a native man that he knew a man who "killed 18 natives and has PTSD" and it felt BAD.

There was just like, a lot that felt wrong and a lot that felt bad abt it and I don't think it's a good game truly.

The humor was jarring and mostly it was just "John is mad about everything" and nobody has any real nice moments with one another. A lot of people were also just downright gross in it too, a lot of throat clearing and phlegm spitting (which is more a personal pet peeve but it happened a lot)

I hope if they remake it then they fix up the story some and make it not quite as out there with a lot of things as they did. I would love to say people should watch it to experience the first game but it's uncomfortable. It's got the warnings on it for mature audiences and I went into that knowing it, but it still felt overall dry and nasty and hard to watch.

These are just my opinions on it though, if you disagree that's fine I don't mind but please don't try to argue with me. I'm judging on my own experience and comfort levels with things, not anyone else's.

Tldr: The game is not that good to sit and watch and I only made it through bc I watched with friends.

[petersmparker]

Welcome Home pt 3 (Peter Parker x Reader)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Peter seems to be recovering from the emotional toll of losing Tony Stark, but that doesn’t mean he’s past it yet.

Word Count: 1446

A/N: don’t ask me why, but my favorite part of this whole chapter is the gaudy floral hand towel

INTRO PART 1 PART 2 PART 3 PART 4 PART 5 PART 6 EPILOGUE

In just a few days, Peter's new sleeping quarters in your room have become something of a minimally-discussed common knowledge. Your parents had become aware of it rather quickly when they entered your room on the second morning while Peter was still curled up beside you. Luckily, they had always been rather trusting when it had come to your interactions with boys away from their line of sight. Once Peter had awoken, their acceptance of the matter was offered by the reappearance of your father to announce that breakfast is on the table, folks.

Peter had been embarrassed, but since his appetite had started to return, he had been motivated to calm down enough to eat his waffles without much awkwardness. You consider yourself lucky that he hadn't been  half on top of you that morning, because he might have escaped through the window if he'd been any more concerned about having earned himself the scorn of your parents.

They had jokingly offered him the opportunity to enter through the door instead of the fire escape from now on. Despite the fact that this would impede his ability to go to bed as soon as he had decided to conclude his patrol-- which he had decided to start earlier in the afternoon and end much earlier in the night-- he agreed. It would have been a bit weird, otherwise. At least, you figured, being forced to go to his own apartment before coming over would make the sleepwear issue a bit easier from now on.

As for Aunt May, Peter had decided to tell her after the first night. Knowing everything she had gone through in the past few years, he felt that she deserved to know where he was at night. At first, she seemed a bit hesitant, but after seeing how much better he seemed with only a night of sleep to attribute it to, she agreed to allow it. Peter had mentioned that her agreement had one rather embarrassing condition, but what that was he had decided not to clarify.

It isn't that much of a struggle to imagine what it might have been.

Peter still hasn't chosen to speak further about his relationship with Tony Stark, or how he might have gotten him killed. He also had yet to provide much detail about the events leading up to the Snap and his involvement in them, but from the information that had been released by the Avengers facility and Ned's admission of distracting the bus so Peter could investigate the space ship. . . You figure that Peter had ended up on that ship with Tony somehow. How he made it back to Earth, you have no idea.

Despite his maintained unwillingness to discuss any of this, the opportunity to sleep has had a clear effect on his well-being. While he had spent much of his time before content to limit his interactions with you and May to a held hand or a necessary answer, he's far more interactive now. His willingness to have a non-intrusive conversation has made headway toward normalcy. Often, he'll offer a hug or an arm thrown over the shoulders. While he'd often been the one to initiate the hand holding so that he wasn't entirely checked out to you, he has started to do it without seeming like he needs to.

Even so, when he runs out of energy to talk, it seems that the physical contact helps to keep him grounded to everyone else while still becoming comfortably detached.

Ned, quite as much as you and May, has been ecstatic to see him start to act like something closer to his old self. It had been hard at first. To catch Peter at a time that he was willing to interact before was a feat to begin with, but Ned couldn't spend as much time camped out near Peter as you could. He lived several blocks down and was still attempting to come to terms with his new family dynamic. Now that his little brother was two years older than him and his father had apparently started to date a new woman a few months before his mother and he had returned, things were a bit uncomfortable and tense.

When he was able to come by, it was more often than not going to be a very quiet interaction. Often, Ned would resign himself to throwing an arm around Peter's shoulders and having a conversation with you or May until he needed to leave. Since Peter had become more amicable again, things had been much easier on the both of them. Once or twice, Ned had even taken to opening up about his own situation. Peter, while not as able to help as he may have been in different circumstances, had made a genuine effort. It was a comfort to witness it.

For that matter, it was a comfort to witness all of Peter's progress.

Midtown School of Science and Technology eventually announces, three months after the return, that it is scheduled to reopen its doors in another month. It seems pretty manageable, by then, for Peter to be feeling well enough to return to the daily responsibilities of before. In fact, nearly all of your group has found themselves becoming somewhat antsy to return and find out how things would operate with all the changes that had happened.

Of course, it seems that your building optimism would soon be threatened.

Nearly right after the news from Midtown, guests arrive at the Parker residence unannounced. You're there at the time, as you always are, currently drying the plates that Peter hands you as he finishes washing them. He's forearms deep in soapy water, so you answer the door at the sound of the knocking, and find yourself face-to-face with someone who you recognize from both the Stark Industries and Avengers Facility television announcements.

"Is Peter Parker here?" He asks, glancing over your head into the apartment.

"Uh, yeah," you answer, stepping back to lean around the archway into the kitchen, "Peter, there's someone-"

Peter has already begun to approach the entryway, wiping his arms down with a gaudy floral hand towel. He stops short when he sees who the visitor is. "Happy?" He says, sounding surprised and looking a bit unsettled, "What are you doing here?"

Happy looks somewhat apologetic when he responds, "Hey, kid. I hope you're doing okay."

"Thanks," Peter responds, not sounding all too comforted by the greeting, "You too, sir."

Happy gives a sad smile. "I'm alright. Tony prepared a will before he passed. Can we come in?"

May, who had come over to investigate the scene, involuntarily brings a hand up to her mouth in surprise. "Oh, dear. Come in, come in, please," she exclaims through her palm, waving her other hand in the direction of the living room.

Peter, however, appears to be quite frozen in place. His expression, already shell shocked, only deepens when Happy steps into the apartment and from behind him appears none other than Pepper Potts-Stark. She only takes a step forward before reaching out to wrap Peter in a brief hug, which he somehow manages to return. "Hello, honey," she says kindly, brushing some hair from his face.

It suddenly strikes you that Tony had had a daughter in the time of the Snap. In the way that Pepper approaches Peter, who is clearly responding poorly to their surprise visit, it is clear that mothering has become natural to her. "I'm sorry to surprise you like this," she says, "I tried to call your cell, but could never get through. We would have tried your aunt, but we lost a bit of information when the facility upstate got destroyed."

"I've got a new phone. My old one is. . . I don't know where," he responds, not meeting anyone's eye.

He looks pained when he adds, "Maybe on Titan."

At this, no one is sure how to respond. May, probably in an attempt to save Peter the trouble of saying more, decides to lead Pepper to the living room, where Happy is still waiting. You hear May ask why they haven't brought any lawyers, and Pepper explain that lawyers got on Tony's nerves, so the will was technically not legally established.

You take hold of Peter's hand in what is intended to be a gesture of goodbye, assuming that he would like to handle the proceedings more privately. "I'll come back later," you say, and start toward the door.

Peter tightens his grip on your hand before you can reach the knob. "Don't-" he pleads, sounding slightly frantic, "I don't want to do this without you. I can't. Please stay."

[europeanguy]

Gotta Gogh [Part 5.2: From Cordonia]

Pairing: Nadia x Maxwell

Words: 2.3k

Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence, Crossovers, time skips and POV changes, cheesy lines and a sprinkle of angst… maybe

Your brother is the Duke, he manages the duchy of Ramsford and the estate, he has people relying on him and people who trust him, he makes sure that House Beaumonts’ legacy doesn’t go up in flames – where do you fit in?

Where do I fit in?

The limo hits some bumps in the road, and Maxwell hits his head on something weirdly shaped. He comes to a few seconds later, realizing he’s been dozing off on his brother’s shoulder. Bertrand isn’t too fussed, he’s too busy reading something on his iPad. How Bertrand could read in a moving vehicle, he will never understand. He switches it off, uttering something about ‘needing coffee and do you want some?’. But Maxwell knows that his older brother is just being gentle on him, too gentle that it makes his mind race thinking about the worst possible case scenarios. Could all of Ramsford have burned down? Did anyone they know die? Did he get somebody pregnant?

Or maybe it’s just because Bertrand had found him with semi-wet clothes and damp, red, eyes – this sad, sad being that entered through the doors of their house in the capital.

Maxwell shakes his head no to the coffee, then shoves a hand in his pocket to make sure its still there. He traces its rounded edges, feeling its carvings press indents into his skin. And it’s a little bit comforting. He takes it out and looks at this cartoony miniature of the Eiffel Tower, bronze, with “Paris” written across the length of it in big bold words.

He and Nadia had laughed at the tackiness of it all. And yet they wore matching t-shirts proudly saying “Bonjour!”.

So, she bought one of the pocket-sized Eiffel Towers when he wasn’t looking.

Maxwell rolls his shoulders and straightens up, getting stiff in the seats. Bertrand preferred the limo when traveling to Ramsford because of that much needed leg-room, but the carpets and the plush seats made Maxwell feel like the air is being crushed out of the space. Bertrand clears his throat and scoots near the mini-fridge, looking for the cold-brew cans they kept stocked in there with the champagne.

They weren’t going to talk about it.

It must be dragging close to 10 am by now since they left at dawn, and Nadia’s probably already in New York. He can sleep away the rest of the day, judging by how nicely Bertrand has been treating him.

The thing is, Nadia knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t keep his promise. And so Maxwell found out through the other students living on her floor – Nadia left the day before. Her door was unlocked, the room left empty except for the furniture that came with it. And then he found it, the mini Eiffel Tower miniature, on the bed. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or laugh as he picked it up. Nadia knew he thought the touristy trinkets were ugly.

What Maxwell realized in Paris is that he’s kind of really fucked. That Nadia is extraordinary, and he loves her.

“We’re almost here.” Bertrand says, sipping his coffee. He grimaces lightly, no wonder in need of a real cup soon. Maxwell nods, knowing that it’s a prompt for him to fix himself before meeting with the main house’s staff.

The limo turns down the road that leads to the vast manor he grew up in. The driveway is long and lined with trees, much like the main palace. He has time to brush back his hair – still feeling weird about its shortness – straighten his clothes, and rub the sleep away from his eyes.

After exchanging a polite welcome with the main house staff, Maxwell has disappeared off to his room in no time – and without any complaints from Bertrand at all, who simply asked him to be present at dinner at six. He tosses off his jacket and toes off his shoes, throwing himself on the bed face-down. His mother would always scold him about wearing outside clothes to bed. Maxwell squeezes his eyes shut, waiting for sleep to come – but it doesn’t.

Nadia never did say anything about not calling.

-

Nadia taps the metal ferrule of her brush repeatedly against the paint thinner can’s brim, shaking off the excess. She’s not sure how much time she’s sat there staring at the painting that never seems to be finished.

Back in New York, and she’s literally watching paint dry.

Sighing, she takes the brush again and scrapes it on the drying blob of blue paint, hardly picking up any pigment at first but eventually it gives and seeps through the strands, bright and blue. Blue.

Stop. Have a break. Nadia decides to leave the brush on the container beside the easel and stands up, feeling the strain on her back and her legs as she stretches. Quickly, Nadia opens her window to let the paint and thinner fumes out – she always forgets to, which is why she’s convinced that someday she would inhale too much and just drop dead. Then she cleans up all the candy wrappers (Gran will find out soon enough that she ate all the decorations for the gingerbread house), turns off the lights, and finally collapses on her bed, limbs splayed out – and she sighs, letting her eyes close.

It’s illogical how she hasn’t been able to sleep yet after spending a long-haul flight watching all the romcom movies available and crying. Crying is exhausting. Turns out dramatic airport goodbyes were just for movie screens – and thank god for that. A sharp pang of guilt shoots through her for lying to Maxwell. But he’s stubborn, and Nadia knew he would still try to see her off anyway.

She rolls over and sniffs the soothing smell of fresh sheets, the same old brand of detergent that her grandma always used. Their grandparents’ apartment in New York is small, but it had just enough space for the four of them for when she and Kai visited over the break. It had a small balcony for an herb garden that only their Grandpa cared for. From outside, the light pollution of the city gives casts a bluish glow in tall shadows across her room. It’s closing in on five in the morning, the sunrise late in mid-December but she can see the faint colors of dawn starting to show in the sky.

Her phone rings underneath a pillow somewhere, its muffled sounds making her heart race the longer she leaves it. Her restraint snaps, and she jumps off her bed to rummage through her room for the damned phone. Finally, she finds it underneath an orange throw pillow. She tosses the pillow away and reads the caller ID.

-

You’re not being silly, Maxwell. All this pressure and expectations, they’re insane and being compared to your brother must hurt.

Maxwell picks at his cufflinks – gold with a monogrammed MB. Bertrand hadn’t mentioned that the six pm dinner would be with a fund manager, an estate agent, and the way too slick and smart Chief of Staff; essentially Bertrand’s right-hand man and the one he would sort of replace in the near future. He wouldn’t be taken off the payroll, of course, but he had always been critical of Maxwell and his lack of involvement in estate issues. They all formally wait in line to shake hands with the Duke and his brother.

But I know your brother loves you, and he’s proud of you and all of your achievements.

It still scares Maxwell how charming his brother could be. He lags behind Bertrand and watches him exchange fond greetings with their company. Bertrand turns towards Maxwell and beckons him towards them. His heart swells when Bertrand pats his back reassuringly as he shakes their hands.

He fits here. Right?

I know what it’s like to not feel accepted or competent – but Maxwell, this is your purpose.

Maxwell doesn’t try to dazzle them with whatever he learned that semester, it would be fruitless since these people have been doing this long enough to differentiate the fluff from substance. Instead he sits quietly for once, listening and trying to absorb as much as he could – to no avail. All he can think of was that call.

You’re amazing, intelligent, and caring, and you deserve much more praise. Your brother understands this more than anyone.

You’re starting to sound like my mother and it’s scaring me.

Why do you always joke?

But she laughed. Her laugh sounded like music to his ears, even though it was in bad quality, crackling audio over a phone. Maxwell is broken out of his trance when the first course is served. Bertrand could tell he’s still completely distracted – although thankfully not as miserable as when he had found him.

I can’t handle it, it’s getting too emotional. He reaches into his pocket again to feel the little Eiffel Tower. I didn’t know how I was supposed to let you go.

That’s why I made that decision for you.

Bertrand and the others launch into a deep conversation about estate issues. Maxwell picks at his food, focusing more on the sound of the clatter of silverware against china. Has it really been one whole semester?

Yeah. It was way too quick. I used to wonder a lot if coming to Cordonia was some huge mistake. Since, you know, I didn’t exactly fit in,

He’s not entirely sure that he fits in here too. He tries, he really does. And he wants to help Bertrand who seemed like he aged ten years from all the stress of being a duke.

But Maxwell liked to think of him and Nadia as pieces of the puzzle that come from two different boxes. They had somehow found each other and clicked perfectly. It’s nonsensical, but it happened. It’s where he fits in.

Then I met you and all that went out the window. I was right where I was supposed to be.

Maxwell keeps replaying that part in his head. He took a moment to answer, willed the seconds to slow down.

He remembered everything, it pressed at him, insistent and waiting.

I love you, Nadia.

Nadia yawned softly on the other line, and then all he could hear after that was her faint breathing. Maxwell is brought back to the present, and he closes his eyes to imagine her face under the soft yellow glow of the streetlamps in Paris – wondering what if.

End

.

.

.

.

EPILOGUE

Maxwell steps outside the limo in some street that he vaguely remembers – he could only hope it’s the right one. He tells his driver to come back in a while and smooths down his black button-down shirt, the begins to walk up the strangely quiet street. Well, relatively quiet compared to the rest of New York.

He needed this peace after what just happened, waking up with his mouth feeling like it was stuffed with cotton and a pounding headache. As the one morning person in the group, of course he’s the first to wake up – even though it’s already way past the afternoon. The boys back at their suite sleepily complained about all the noise he made while in the shower.

Ha! “Noise”. Excuse you, I was singing.

After Liam disappeared with the waitress, the rest of the boys decided to fuck off and blow some cash away at the nearest high-end club they could find. He doesn’t remember how they ended up at some rooftop party full of hipsters and catching wind of a familiar name in their conversations. Some rising star in the art world. An art show in Brooklyn. Here’s the address.

-

“Nadia! Hey!”

Nadia turns and spots her cousin, Kai, among the crowd. She quickly excuses herself to pass through all the people – it’s still crazy to think about just how much her work blew up.

“You made it!” She envelops Kai in a tight hug, and holds her at arm’s length. “So? What do you think?”

Kai scans the room with an appreciative look on her face. “Are you kidding? This is insane. I’m so proud of you.”

“Not the show!” Nadia gestures at herself. “Do I look okay?”

Kai laughs. “You look like an artist with a popping art show and not to mention a fat bank account after all this.”

“What?”

“She’s saying you look fine and that we promise to step in once you start unironically wearing… berets.” Damien suddenly claps a reassuring hand on Nadia’s shoulder, holding a drink on the other. His wrinkles his nose at someone who passes by wearing a bejeweled beret.

“You’re so judgmental!” Kai stifles a laugh with her hand.

Damien shrugs and takes a gulp from his drink. “So, who do I have to beat up this time?”

“Ugh, stop it.” Nadia rolls her eyes, but smiles fondly at Damien’s over-protectiveness. “His name is Steve and you guys have to promise me that you’ll be nice.”

Kai nods. “That’s mostly directed towards you, Damien.”

“I’ll be nice, alright.” Damien frowns. “I’m just saying- it’s weird that he’s an investment banker who also happens to be a baker, volunteers at animal shelters, and his name is Steve.”

“What do you have against Steves?” Nadia laughs.

“Yeah! Steves are generally nicer than Damiens!” Kai shares a conspiratorial smile with Nadia.

Damien downs the rest of his drink. “I didn’t ask to be ganged up on like this.”

Nadia’s phone rings and her whole face lights up. “Uh oh, I think he’s outside but he’s not sure which one it is.”

Kai shoots Damien a be nice glare as Nadia excuses herself to go to the entrance. Her heart pounds with excitement as she walks. A cold gust of wind greets her as she pushes open the door, and comes face to face with – Maxwell Beaumont.

She feels like all the air has been knocked out of her lungs as Maxwell looks back at her, shocked.

“…hi.”

FACTS THAT ARE DECIDEDLY NOT FUN BECAUSE THESE ARE JUST DISGUISED AUTHOR’S NOTES also I am sad

-        So it ended! FINALLY!

-        No joke it was so difficult to end this series despite it only having a few chapters. It went through rewrites upon rewrites and even me deleting a WHOLE alternate ending wherein Nadia doesn’t leave early.

-        They don’t end up together in both endings but I have greatly considered just throwing all my plans out the window and have Maxwell follow Nadia to New York. Ah… now wouldn’t that be nice.

-        Nadia literally slept on Maxwell lolol get it

-        If anyone would want to see the draft of the alternate ending I can drop you the google docs link.

-        The epilogue happens on the first chapter of both books where they’re BOTH in New York; Nadia has her art exhibit, and the TRR boys are at the “bachelor” party. Again, I changed what happened in each bc… I can.

 -        Big thanks to @pixieferry who motivated me endlessly to write and her unwavering support, and to @littlecrookedheart for basically greasing the stuck gears (this is a weird phrase) in my brain that finally got me to writing this ending, I appreciate all her help (even the kill someone and Andy cameo suggestions)

- Thank you also to everyone who stuck by this story. I’m so so so happy that I finished it, and I’m so grateful for your patience. This is the first and last fic I will post on this account because I made a separate blog for fics (that’s pretty empty as of now).

tag list: @littlecrookedheart, @femmeshep, @brightpinkpeppercorn, @zaffrenotes, @teamtomsato, @pixieferry

[volchyayagoda]

a sort of concert write up, told mostly in bullet points bc it’s the easiest way for me to organize:

j hope is perfect in every conceivable way

rapmon’s comments about our rainbow ocean had me in tears. idc if it’s corny or w/e, he made me so happy and i love him.

they all sound amazing live but suga blew me the fuck away i’m still reeling

baepsae was everything i wanted and more

jin nailed everything in awake. his high notes were absolutely phenomenal, and the only thing that made me sad was that the fan chant ppl wanted to do for him didn’t work out.

the fucking transition from reflection to stigma!!!!

v sounded so beautiful singing stigma, he worked so hard on it and you can tell he’s genuinely proud of it and loves performing it and i’m rly emotional about it. also he gave this smile at the end of “please dry my eyes” that i don’t know how to describe but the arena fucking exploded.

the slideshow playing in the back during mama had me tearing up. ditto the break, tbh.

the entirety of mama was perfection though. hobi was truly born to be on stage and had so much charisma and so much confidence, you got the sense that he felt right at home and it wasn’t just during his solo stage but every single second he was there. not to get all cheesy, but seeing him live is really something magical and i hope i get to tell him that one day.

i could not breathe during first love. it was exactly as intense and emotional as i was expecting and seeing suga cry as he finished fucked me up.

everyone’s introductions but especially suga’s. i think the first major blow to my vocal chords was when i screamed for him. the second was when he kept telling us to be louder. rip.

spring day was beautiful. that choreo live is just…wow.

the choreo for begin and lie!!!!!!

i know everyone talks about it but specifically the part of the choreo in lie where jimin gets lifted into the air. incredible.

jimin has the voice of an actual angel

all the vcrs were lovely

cypher pt.4 was fucking perfect, suga always feels himself the most during cyphers and the energy was fantastic. their fucking coats adkjlakjda i love the rap line y’all, they’re truly my heart and soul.

BUT ALSO lost was beautiful and vocal line totally killed it. they’re all such strong singers and hearing them live is really a blessing.

save me!!!! i love this song and the choreo so much and it was so good, i’m so happy they performed it

jk is another person with tremendous amounts of energy on stage and i felt a lot like a Proud Mom while watching him.

while i was admittedly disappointed that they didn’t do the choreo for no more dream, bc it’s highkey one of my favorites, i still feel #blessed that they sang part of it, along with N.O.

boy meets evil. i don’t have even have words for this.

j hope and suga wearing the minnie mouse ears at the end and being dorks

v and his eevees

the time jimin opened his mouth to say something, but we were all screaming so loud for him that he just paused and smiled and waited for it to die down a little more.

this sounds weird but i don’t think that studio recordings ever do jin justice, honestly. i first thought this while watching the epilogue dvd but kinda confirmed it with myself while listening to him sing at the concert; he has such a strong, beautiful voice and you really hear that when he’s singing live. like not to say he doesn’t sound amazing in recordings, but yeah. god.

also it felt like jin got some of the loudest cheers that night and i hope he felt that way too and that it made him happy bc he deserves it :( <3

hearing hobi’s “wooow”s in person. a Good Experience.

”i’m your hope. you’re my hope.”

the first time rapmon had us sing one of his lines on our own and we totally nailed it and he had this surprised and delighted look on his face and shot us a heart

speaking of which, suga having us sing his entire first verse of blood, sweat, and tears. i almost started laughing afterwards, but i guess by that point he knew we’d know it lmao i love min yoongi

what jin said to us during the ending talk!

the entirety of the ending talk tbh i love them all so much and they love me and i’m a big baby don’t touch me

there’s a lot more i probably didn’t put in here, but that’s okay. it was such an incredible night and one of the best concerts i’ve ever been to, and i rly hope suga meant it when he said they’d be back soon. :’)

[antlerscolorado]

chapter 7, part 10

“What?” Walker says into the phone. It’s hard to tell what exactly he’s responding to, but he sounds like the wind’s been knocked out of him.

Did something happen to Jacob? Landis’s stomach churns uncomfortably. Was this whole thing some kind of a distraction, some weird slight-of-hand trick to kidnap Austin and cause a stir at the Department while someone else tried to take out Jacob? Walker didn’t actually tell anyone at the Department that Austin was missing. Maybe their plan didn’t account for that - maybe whoever’s working with them panicked and went ahead with the other end anyway.

Walker is listening intently, the phone pressed to his ear. He starts to pace around the motel room as he talks, weaving through the different people scattered throughout. “Uh-huh. Where -”

He stops short of finishing the question, furrowing his eyebrows as, presumably, the person on the other end says something. “Oh. Okay. Well, you could have led with that.”

Landis loses track of what Walker is saying after that - there’s a sudden, constricting pain around his knuckles that distracts him from eavesdropping. He glances down to find Austin’s hand locked in a vice grip around his own. Wincing a little, he squeezes Austin’s hand back in what he hopes is a reassuring way.

“Something happened to Jacob,” Austin murmurs, his voice still weak and dry from disuse. “I’ve been sick all day, when they weren’t keeping me asleep. I thought it was because they were gonna kill me, or you, or Walker, but -”

He stops short, Adam’s apple bobbing erratically in his throat. Landis squeezes his hand again, but Austin doesn’t squeeze back this time.

“Alright,” Walker says loudly, snapping his phone shut, the noise sharp enough to make both Austin and Landis jump. “So, minor setback. Jacob’s in the hospital.” “What happened?” Landis asks, feeling only distant surprise. Austin was right. He usually is, about this stuff.

“He got stabbed,” Walker says. “He’s been unconscious, too, but they think it’s just because he lost a lot of blood. He hasn’t totally come around yet, but they’re optimistic.”

“How much blood?” Austin asks. “How much did he lose?”

Walker looks a little taken aback at the question, but recovers quickly. His voice lacks the usual sarcastic affect Landis has come to expect of it, instead becoming soft and deferential as he talks directly to Austin. “Cillian said if that they’d found him a little later, he’d probably be dead.”

“Where did they find him?” Austin asks.

“In his office. They think he was there for twenty, twenty-five minutes before anyone found him.”

Austin nods. “Any idea who did it?”

“No solid leads until Jacob wakes up, but they’re starting to look into it.” Walker sits down on the empty bed across from Austin and Landis. He ducks his head and combs his fingers anxiously through his hair, making it stand on end. “Christ. I’m sorry you had to find out like this, Austin.”

“I don’t understand,” Alloces says lightly. “What’s happened?”

“Someone made an attempt on my brother’s life,” Austin says. His voice is atonal, but he’s looking at the floor, his hair shielding his face, and he’s holding on to Landis even tighter than before. Landis can feel Austin’s hand shaking in his, but chooses not to comment.

Alloces cocks their head to one side. “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“It means he can’t access the money to actually one-up your employer’s offer,” Walker says. “So, congratulations, or whatever. You’ve got the upper hand again.”

There’s a brief period of silence in the motel room. The mercenaries look far from smug or relieved, instead looking back and forth from one to the other in obvious confusion. It isn’t the reaction Landis expected, but it does lend to his theory. They didn’t know that this was going to happen. They’re just as surprised by it as we are, which means that they’re pretty far from having the upper hand on us. In fact, this might have just thrown us all onto even footing.

“So,” Hall says slowly, addressing the other mercenaries, “where does that put us, exactly?”

“Walker is correct. It puts you in a position of relative power as far as these negotiations are concerned.” Naberius looks uncomfortable, somewhere squarely between upset and angry. He folds his arms over his chest and leans his back up against the wall, declining to say anything more.

Hall frowns. “That isn’t what I meant.”

“Yeah, this wasn’t the plan,” Oates adds. Jenny glares at him, and he shrugs back at her, looking totally unconcerned. “What? Everything’s already gotten all cocked up, might as well be honest about it, yeah?”

“Weren’t you two just talking about confidentiality?” Jenny asks cooly, arching an eyebrow.

“Hey, client confidentiality is one thing. And I’m not arguing that it’s important,” Hall says. “But we’re off-book now, aren’t we? I don’t see where we’re supposed to go from here.”

“Hall’s right.” Oakes slings an arm around Hall’s hips and glares back at Jenny. Landis suddenly has the uncanny impression that this must be the verbal equivalent of a fencing match, though he’s never actually seen one in his life. “We were supposed to deliver the kid to his brother. How’re we supposed to do that now that his brother’s in the hospital?”

“Wait,” Austin interrupts, “was Jacob paying you? To escort me back to Havenwood?”

“Hell no.” Oakes laughs. “We wouldn’t have known your brother from Adam if we hadn’t been told to bring you to him.”

“Someone wants to see you have a happy little family reunion, I suppose.” It’s Hall’s turn to shrug, now, though the motion is a little less exaggerated. “We don’t ask questions about the things we’re paid to do. It’s one of the reasons we can charge so much for our services.”

“I’m calling him,��� Jenny announces, crossing the room to the desk and pulling what Landis assumes is her own cell phone out of the top drawer. She opens it and immediately starts pressing buttons. “He knows the head of the DPR is a high priority target, I’m sure he made a backup plan in case something like this happened.”

“Then why hasn’t he called us yet?” Oates asks.

“He probably doesn’t know it happened yet,” Jenny says confidently. She holds the phone up to her ear, glaring at Hall and Oates the entire time.

Landis, Austin, Walker and the demons watch in silence as a relatively familiar scene plays out - Jenny leaning against the desk as she waits for someone on the other line to pick up. She drums her fingers a few times, boredly, her nails clicking sharply on the polished wood desktop. Then, with no warning whatsoever, she throws her cell phone to the floor. It bounces weakly, soundlessly, off the carpet upon impact. No one says anything.

“He deactivated his fucking cell,” Jenny hisses between her teeth.

“You’re kidding,” Hall says, at the same time as Oakes says “Our money -”

“What about your money?” Walker asks, his eyes wide and innocent as the mercenaries turn to look at him.

“He only paid us half,” Jenny says. She’s clearly seething with anger, her whole body language quickly turning from controlled and calm to tense and nervous. Her hands are flexing open and shut at her sides, and she struggles for something to do with them, settling on taking her hair out of its ponytail and putting it back up in a tighter one. “He said we’d get the rest of the money once we delivered Austin.”

“Sounds like you got cheated,” Austin says, smiling wryly.

“Well, shit,” Oates says. “What do we do now, pack it up and go home?”

“Might as well.” Jenny bends over to pick her phone up off the floor. “No point in staying.”

“If you go home, you can always find your supposed employer down and shake him down for the rest of the money,” Alloces suggests to Hall and Oates, beaming with a mouthful of fangs. Landis grimaces and looks away.

“Hang on,” Austin says, as the mercenaries mill about the room, Hall and Oates using their powers to move furniture back into place and tidy things up. “Will you take me with you? Back to Havenwood? I want to visit Jacob and - and make sure he’s okay.”

There’s a steely edge to his voice, something he isn’t saying. Landis exchanges a glance with Walker to make sure that they’re on the same page about it.

He’s out for revenge. He’s going to track down whoever hurt Jacob on his own, and probably demand an eye for an eye. Landis can’t bring himself to call Austin out for it. He’s an only child, so he can’t claim to understand sibling bonds, but he imagines the way Austin is feeling right now is something akin to how he was feeling after hearing that Austin was in Hell. We don’t have the right to stop him from going home. Or from doing what he has to do once he gets there.

“Why should we take you?” Jenny asks, punctuating the question with a little laugh. “We’re not being paid to make sure you’re safe anymore, and you don’t have the money to cover the difference.”

“What if I make up the difference?” Walker asks.

Everyone in the room turns towards him, Jenny leading the pack. She looks genuinely shocked, as does Austin.

“You don’t have to -” Austin starts.

“You would seriously -” Jenny says.

“Yeah,” Walker cuts them both off. “I’ve probably got enough money in my account to cover it. And Austin can just pay me back once he has access to the family fortune again.”

“Right,” Austin says, a little dazedly. “I’ll...yeah. Okay.”

“I don’t see a problem with it,” Hall says. Oates nods along beside him. Naberius and Alloces exchange a quick glance, but neither looks particularly worried about the solution.

“Then it’s settled,” Walker says. “You’ll take Austin to Havenwood.”

Austin leans into Landis, resting his head in the crook of Landis’s neck and giving a dry little chuckle. “Just as long as nobody tells Jacob. He might actually die if he finds out.”

7.9 || epilogue