#he has the biggest d*ck i’ve ever seen will ever see can be seen period

[eversncenewyork]

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[clouditae]

D*ck-N-Out

Taehyung x reader | 18+ | oneshot | fast food worker au | smut | fluff | swearing

Lovely banner maker: @chillingtae

Lovely beta: @jinned​

Word count: 10k

Sometimes you never know how much you’re craving something until you get that first taste, and you’re tasting plenty in the back of your local In-N-Out restaurant

Fast F*cking Food Masterlist

You pull into your parent’s driveway, their red brick and blackish gray shingles looking like it did when you left for college two years ago. It’s not big compared to the other houses, but when you first moved in at the age of thirteen, it was the biggest house you’ve ever lived in. Now, it’s just a home that contains so many memories, you hope your parents never move. 

Turning off the ignition, you gather your bag and phone before exiting your car. The second you step out you can hear your mom’s high pitch cheers as you turn to watch her run down the steps and towards you with arms wide open. She’s smiling wide and happily as she brings you into the tightest hug you’ve ever been in.

“My baby’s home,” she cries, swaying the two of you side to side.

You let out a choked laugh as you pat her back. “Hi, Mom.”

She separates from you, cupping your cheeks as she plants your face full of kisses. “I’ve missed you so much,” she says.

“I’ve missed you, too,” you tell her, relieved she finally let you go long enough for your dad to bring you into a warm hug that isn’t tight like your mom’s. “Hi, Dad.”

He places a kiss at the top of your head as he mumbles, “Hi, sweetie.” As the two of you break your hug, he adds, "Let's get your bags." You watch him as he goes to the back of your trunk and opens it, pulling out your large suitcase and two smaller bags. You go to help him, but your mom is eager to take you inside and talk your ear off about everything you've already heard over the phone.

"How was your drive? Did you eat breakfast already? Lunch? I heard Theo came back into town as well. Did you see him along the way?" she pries, leading you into the living room and into the spacious kitchen where she plants you on the wooden chair at the table. She gets to work on getting you something to drink and most likely a snack.

Theo. One of the boys from high school you know, but more importantly, he’s the son of your mom’s best friend whom she has known for years. Your mom always wanted you and Theo to get together. She consistently tried her best to get you to go on dates together when they would come over for dinner, or the three of you would be over at their place. Even Mrs. Bonet tried her best a few times because she absolutely adored you. The funny thing is, the two of you did give it a shot at the good ol’ age of fourteen. Clearly the two of you weren't ready to date yet, but with the ideas your moms gave, the two of you couldn't help but see. It didn't work back then, and it won't work now.

"I didn't see him. I haven't seen him since we graduated," you say slightly irritated, looking towards the front door to see your dad place your luggage next to the front door as he closes it and makes his way towards the two of you. He takes a seat across from you as your mom places two glasses of water in front of the both of you.

"Well that's a shame. Especially when the two of you go to the same university," she mumbles, taking a seat next to your dad as she rests her arms on the table. Theo, Theo, Theo—you might as well date him if it’ll mean never having her push you two together so hard. "So, tell me everything," she says with enthusiasm, changing the subject completely and bringing you out of your rant. 

By the time you're done telling her the same story she's heard every day, you grab your luggage and make your way towards your old bedroom. You unpack and message a few friends of yours before taking a quick nap. It isn't until you hear a knock at your door that you wake up to the sky turning a pinkish orange. The door opens and your mom's head pops in. "Are you hungry?"

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you give a small nod as you sit up. "Yeah. What did you make?"

"I haven't gone shopping, so I was wondering if you were in the mood for some In-N-Out."

"In-N-Out?" Your hand drops to your lap as you frown in confusion. "That's here?"

The door fully opens as she enters the room with excitement in her eyes. "Yes! They opened it about a month ago, and it's always packed, but it's really good!" She claps her hands with glee. "Would you like that for dinner?"

You can tell she really wants you to have it, and you've heard a lot of people talk about it as they open up restaurants in neighboring cities. So, you nod, climbing out of your bed as you reply, "I'll go get it."

"That's okay, sweetie. You drove for four hours already, you don't need to drive for the rest of the day," she says, as you begin to put on your shoes and grab your wallet.

"It's fine, Mom. I haven't been here for almost a year. I want to see what's changed and where this new fast food place is at." You decide, walking with her out of your room and down the hall towards the front door. "Just send me the address and what you want."

After a few more minutes of back and forth conversations, you finally managed to get on the road and follow the directions to the new restaurant. You take the familiar roads you've taken since you were a kid. Things have upgraded and changed over the past year, but the familiarity of certain stores and spots you’ve hung out at have stayed the same. Down this street you had your first kiss with a boy named Seungi. You remember the two of you sitting at a bench eating ice cream in a somewhat awkward silence. The two of you had nothing to say really, until he broke that silence saying you had leftover ice cream on your lips. Before you could wipe it, he leaned in and kissed you. It was the cutest first kiss. A memory you will never forget.

 Little pieces of memories flood your thoughts as you continue down the road until the GPS instructs you to turn right at the upcoming stop light.

In the strip mall, you can see an unfamiliar building nestled at the corner next to a McDonalds. The line for In-N-Out is exactly like your parents explained it to be. Long. You pull into the lot and, with your eyes, follow the line of cars waiting to have their orders taken until you find the back of the line, several stores down. Letting out a sigh, you blast the AC, pull out your phone and begin to reply to your group chat of friends.

[Thursday, August 6th, 6:25pm] Ahyeon: We're meeting up right? We have to! All of us are finally in town!!!

[Thursday, August 6th, 6:26pm] Kim: Yes! There’s a reunion party at Toby’s place. Everyone is going so we should meet up there and see everyone we actually liked in high school. I hope the popular ones look like garbage.

[Thursday, August 7th, 6:28pm] Bean: I’m sooo down. Y/N definitely needs to go! She’s the only single one in this group and needs to find a bf or at least get laid

[Thursday, August 7th, 6:29pm] Lain: Single Y/N needs to get pussy tingled~

You send a message to argue your reason for being single. College is more important to you, and your roommate is failing her classes because she’s always with her boyfriend and skipping classes. You’re not looking to do that. 

You agree to meeting up at the party as the line moves ever so slowly. It’s about twenty minutes later of texting the group and defending yourself as much as possible, inching the car forward, that you’re finally at the speaker. The menu is extremely short. Three meal items to choose from—to which they’re basically all the same with an exception of do you want cheese, no cheese, or a double pattie, and a few side items to get. So which one do you want? One, two or three?

"Welcome to Dick-N-Out can I take your order?" the voice says through the speaker.

You blink a few times, registering if the guy on the speaker just said dick. "I'm sorry?"

"Welcome to In-N-Out. Can I take your order?" he repeats.

“Oh. Uh”–you glance at the paper your mom gave you of their orders and read it to him. They have jungle fries? Why is it a secret? Taking quick glances at the menu, you quickly pick your order and let him know you’re done with his three item menu. He repeats it back, tells you the price before you scoot your car forward, being short of reaching the first window due to the car in front of you preventing you from going further. Quickly digging in your wallet for your money, you realize you're a few dollars short and decide on using your card. The car in front of you moves forward and so do you, pulling to a stop at the first window.

You can’t see the man's face as he has his back to you, appearing to be talking with someone in the back before he turns his attention towards you. And you swear you feel like you are going to throw up right then and there. To your surprise, a familiar face opens the small window, a look of boredom written all over his sculpted face, dark brown eyes dull and annoyed to be here. Taehyung. “Twenty-One even,” he says, deep voice silky and sending a familiar warmth throughout your body.

You hand him a card, watching him carefully, but not obviously as you wonder if he remembers you the way you instantly remember him. You’ve known him since middle school, and you’ve been in almost every class with him all through high school–hell you were even his project partner once. But he’s Taehyung. He was the most popular guy in school and always had the girls and guys–everyone swooning over him. You happen to have been one of those people swooning over him. He won’t remember you–you weren’t popular in high school and you’re definitely not his type. Girls like Allison are his type: pretty blonde with that cute smile and bubbly personality. You’re not his type, so of course he won’t remember you. You were just another girl in a sea of others.

“Here you go,” he says, cutting you off from your thoughts. You take the card and thank him, doing your best to not sound dejected from your own comments. “Have a nice night,” he says before closing the window and going back to work at taking another customer’s order.

Yup. Another girl.

After getting your food and drinks, you thank the worker before taking off and heading back to the house. You’re going to have to call your friends tonight to ask them about Taehyung. You could have sworn he went off to some university in New York or something, so why is he working here when his parents are loaded and he has money from working with his dad? So many questions and not enough time to ask on this short ten minute drive.

You're lying in bed after finishing dinner and watching a movie with your parents. You can’t deny that the food was good. You also can’t deny that you’re shocked they don’t put salt on the fries but on the side in little packets for you to put on. In your honest opinion they taste better without it, and there’s a lot they give you.

What you can’t get over is life playing a little game on you within those few minutes of talking with your friends since leaving the drive thru. First they tease you for being single and saying you need to have sex like you haven’t had sex in years–in your defense, it’s only been a year and it’s not eating you up like people say it should. You got busy with school and just don’t have time to find a fling. Then at the speaker you could have sworn you heard him say Dick-N-Out instead of In-N-Out. You weren’t imagining it because you suddenly got in the mood to be dicked down. And then Taehyung, your crush of four plus years is working the drive thru and taking your order. What kind of messed up game is that?

You tried to get a hold of your friends, but they were busy and said they’ll all get together for a call either tomorrow night or the next morning. So, you’ll have to wait to spill the beans as to what happened at In-N-Out today. For now you can just scroll through social media to find out what he’s been up to. Find out if he’s still with Allison or not. God you hope not. She’s nice and everything, but she is the biggest bitch you’ve ever met.

Clicking on the app almost everyone is on, you begin your research. You don’t know his username so you’ll have to go through friends of friends to find him, but who first? You click on Emi’s, her being the most active and social out of the group, she’s bound to be friends with half the school. You scroll through her friend’s list until you find Mason, captain of the soccer team. Well, former captain. He was good friends with the quarterback of the football team. Clicking on him, bits and pieces of memories of him come back. He was super sweet, something you don’t expect when it comes to the quarterback after so many stereotypical movies involving them. Jason Seagull, he called himself–strange name, but people loved it. Continuing, you go further and further into the sea of popular students you know until you find her. 

Allison.

There’s no way she’s not friends with Taehyung, so you click on her profile, browsing through her page. There’s photos of her at the beach, some sappy ‘I love my life’ crap for the caption, a few photos of her with her friends you recognize, and very little of her at her university–something she bragged about your final year in school. All because it’s an Ivy League. There’s no photos of her and Taehyung within the past year, so your guess is that they’re not together. You keep scrolling and scrolling until you find a photo that you’ve been looking for but still makes your heart jump.

Taehyung and Allison are at some party, people in the background as he carries her on his back. She has her arms wrapped around his neck loosely, her cheek pressed against his as they both smile widely and looking perfect. He still looks the same now as he did in the photo you're staring at. Chestnut curls falling over his forehead and brushing along the tip of his ears, dark brown eyes always a mystery you wish to uncover, and a boxy grin plastered on his face. You didn't see his smile, but you know it's always there when he's happy.

Reading her post on it, you click on his tagged name, feeling your heart race as it takes you to his page. There's photos of him everywhere; the beach, a cafe, at an art museum and so many more places. You continue to scroll down until you find a photo of him at what looks like his university. So, he's still going to school, and your guess is his school ends earlier than yours. You're nosy for another fifteen minutes until exhaustion kicks in and you're slowly falling into a deep slumber.

It's been over a week since you've been home and you're currently getting ready for the party your friends have been pestering you to go to. You'd prefer to meet them at one of their houses, but they're dedicated to partying together. They want to see everyone from high school and see you at the same time. You really don't have a choice but to agree.

Jumping into your jeans, buttoning and zipping it closed, you do a once over in the mirror. Deciding you look great, you slip on a pair of boots, grab your bag that matches your black top, and head out your bedroom. You head towards the living room where your parents sit on the sofa watching a movie. They look over their shoulder when you say, "Okay. I'll be back later tonight. I might stay at Bean's tonight, but I'll let you guys know later." As you grab your key off the hook you say your goodbyes and head out the door.

Closing the front door and locking it, you can hear a car pull up beside the curb. There's a honk as you turn around to see a familiar dark green car parked in front of your house. All four doors open and your friends pile out of the car cheering as they run to you and bring you into a group hug. You chuckle as you greet your friends, finally separating from them to get a clear view of their faces. Ahyeon, Lainey, Emi, Bean and Kim look like they did when you six graduated high school. Beautiful, young and full of life.

"Y/N, you look as beautiful as ever!" Kim says, cupping your cheeks and squeezing them.

"You guys look amazing, too," you compliment, rubbing your cheeks lightly when she finally let go.

"Ready to party?" Emi asks, wiggling her body in excitement.

"Let's party!" Lainey cheers, grabbing you and Bean's hands, dragging you towards Bean's car. The other girls cheer as they follow, all six of you pilling into the car. With the music blasting, the vehicle starts forward and towards the destination.

It takes around half an hour to get to the party where there are cars lined up and down the street, people standing outside the house, laughing and chatting. It takes Bean a minute to find a spot to park her car, but she finally manages to get a spot rather close to the house. Getting out, you fix your top clear of wrinkles as you drape your bag on your shoulder and follow your group of excited friends. Ahyeon loops an arm through yours as she smiles at you and walks alongside you down the sidewalk.

As you reach the party house, you immediately see a few faces you recognize. They notice your group and smile, a loud "hello" can be heard over the blasting music. You try your best to say hi as you're dragged into the building, the music louder than you thought. The pop music is blaring through the house, the vibrations running up your body through your feet and your eardrums rattle with every beat. Everything smelled of alcohol, sweat and there’s a faint smell of pizza. There are dozens of bodies within the confined spaces of the house. You can see them lining the stairs, the hallway and a few heading out the back door. 

“Let’s party!” Bean screams, grabbing hold of an excited Lainey as the two make their way through the large crowd and towards the kitchen where the alcohol must be. You shake your head as the rest of your group laughs and the four of you follow in suit. Reaching the kitchen and the line of ice chests that held all types of alcohol, Bean passes out bottles that she knows each one of you likes. 

Kim takes a light pink one, the words “Soju” written in fine print on the bottle as Emi happily takes a dark green bottle muttering, “Finally, someone has class in this place,” as she twists the cap to her gin and tonic. You watch as Ahyun eyes Kim’s drink curiously before requesting the drink, Bean happily giving your friend the same beverage.

Lainey is digging through the fridge for a bit before she triumphantly pulls out a carton of chocolate milk. “I’ve got the goods,” she calls out in satisfaction. 

Finally, Bean digs further into the ice chest before pulling out two bottles of Svedka and hands you one. You take it, reading the title again. It’s strawberry lemonade flavored Vodka. It looks like the bottle should be split between people, but you happily twist the cap open knowing she has no intention of sharing hers and expects the same from you and you hold out the glass towards the center for a “cheers!” before taking a swig of the rather delicious content. 

It doesn’t take long before you surprisingly finish your first bottle, not feeling much yet as you toss the cap to your second into the bucket pile of bottle caps and head outside for some fresh air. In the far off distance of the backyard, you can see a table with two empty chairs. Everyone who is in the backyard is swimming in the pool, sitting at the available chairs closer to the stereo and cases of alcohol. 

Making your way around the pool and running people, you walk past the small rose garden the owner of the house created. You hope no drunk idiot ruins such beauty. Taking a seat at the table, you take another drink of your beverage, feeling the cool liquid slide down your throat, your cheeks warm and slightly pink. As you watch the partygoers dance the night away, you begin to think of where they were in high school. Who was the jock, the cheerleader, the band kid and so on. It amazes you how people don’t see that status now—how the once popular girl is holding hands with the basketball player, their smiles bright and happy. 

You feel a tinge of jealousy as another couple practically go at it in the corner of the yard, their hands all over each other while a few people yell at them to take it somewhere else. You never took a chance at dating in school because you were so focused on finishing with the highest grades possible. You got valedictorian, a 4.0 GPA and wanted to get into the best school possible and enjoy life in college. You did… to an extent. You haven’t had a boyfriend in a while and, much to your dismay at agreeing with your friends, you haven’t had a fling in longer time than that. Being home could mean having that chance to go crazy. The question is whether you’ll do it or not.

A figure appears at the chair next to you. You look up and see Taehyung standing there, a half empty bottle in his hand. He’s looking off at the partygoers as he asks, “This seat taken?” 

“No,” you reply, voice small and can be barely heard over the blaring speakers. 

Taehyung takes a seat, his attention finally on you as he takes another swig of his bottle—its content now a quarter full. His eyes are half lidded, cheeks a shade of pink and smells of a woodsy spring lingers around him with a mixture of alcohol. He sets his beverage on the table and asks, “Didn’t I see you at the drive-thru the other day?”

You stumble over your words, taken by surprise. He actually recognized you. “Uh, yeah. That was me,” you answer, voice still small and not as confident as you hope it would be. 

“We went to Bayside,” he states matter of factly—tone not even showing a hint of questioning. 

"Yeah," you begin, shifting in your seat a bit, "we did. We had art together our senior year."

He's quiet for a moment as he studies you, his eyes looking from your eyes to a different body part on your face. You wonder if he's trying to remember seeing you in class. He sat at the back to the right while you sat at the front on the left side of class. You could never get a good look at him through all the students sitting in between, so Taehyung definitely could not see you.

"We had math the year before that, too." You think back for a moment, trying to remember if he's right. "You sat in the middle by Nathan," he informs, and then it clicks. He's right. The two of you had math together. He sat in the front—three people in front of you. You're honestly surprised he remembers that.

"Yeah," you mutter, tone clearly shocked.

He grabs his bottle and takes a final drink. "Why do you sound so shocked?"

"I-uh-I just wasn't expecting you to remember something like that," you confess.

He hums. "It's hard to forget someone like you," he says, standing up from his seat. "I'm gonna go grab another one. You want another?" he asks, gesturing to your beverage.

"Oh-uh, yes please," you answer. You watch him make his way towards the house, giving small nods to the people who greeted him in slurs. As he disappears, his comment lingers in your thoughts. What does he mean by you being hard to forget? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? You’re not sober enough to think hard on this, but you can’t help but wonder what he means. Maybe you should ask.

“Here you go,” Taehyung says, interrupting your thoughts. Blinking, you take the bottle, watching him as he uncaps his drink and takes a seat. “Which school did you end up choosing?”

“What?” How much does he know about you? Is it possible that he’s guessing you decided to go to college? 

“You talked a lot with your friend”—he snaps his finger, eyes looking above you in thought as he tries to remember a name—“I can’t remember her name—she’s blonde, hair short to her shoulders…”

“Bean?” you question, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Yeah. Bean,” he confirms, leaning back in his seat. “You talked a lot with her during art about the universities you applied to. You’re super smart, so I’m wondering which school you decided to go to.” 

Seems like he just knows a lot more than you thought. Hell, you never thought he’d take interest in your options when you first applied, let alone ask about it now. 

“I decided to go to Sloan,” you answer, finishing your drink in your hand before placing it on the table and grabbing your new one. “What about you?”

He rubs his eye slowly, clearly tired and drunk. “I stuck around and went to Bayside, but I just transferred, so I’m heading to Seatree in January.” 

Your brows raise in surprise. “Congratulations,” you tell him. “That’s a difficult school to get into.” Seatree is number three in ranking of Ivy Leagues—better than the one here. Getting into a university like that takes a lot of hard work. You hold out your bottle towards him. “To your acceptance,” you say.

He brings his drink to yours, clinking it and says, “To you getting out of here.”

The two of you talk for a while. You talk about high school, the professors you hate, what your future goals are, and so much more. You’ve never had a conversation last this long with Taehyung. You’re enjoying every bit of it. 

He chuckles shaking his head. “He just pulled his pants down and that was it,” he says. 

You laugh, wiping a fallen tear from the corner of your eye. “I can’t believe he did that. All to avoid having to take a final?”

“Yup. That bastard made up a lie and got a way with it. He took the final later and had enough time to study and pass the class.” He finishes his last bottle, placing it on the corner of the table filled with the rest of the empty glasses you two created. “There are so many more stories I can tell you,” he adds, shaking his head at all the stories that are possibly running through his mind right now.

“I’d love to hear them,” you slur, smiling like the biggest idiot in the world. You would love to have been there for half the stories he’s already told you. 

He smiles his heart winning smile and states, “It’s a shame we didn’t talk in high school. There are so many stories I could have told you that I don’t remember.” 

Your smile lessens to a small one. You look down at your empty bottle. “You and I are from two different worlds, the platform to connect us doesn’t exist.”

He hums in disagreement, earning your attention. You watch him as he looks from the crowd slowly growing smaller, then he looks towards you. “Talking with you would have been worth it.” 

Your mouth opens lightly, obviously surprised by his statement. What does he mean by that? That sentence has a lot of conclusions, and you don’t know which one to take. You’re too intoxicated to deal with these questions right now—especially when he’s saying all these words that make your heart flutter and bring up familiar feelings you had forgotten all those years ago when you graduated high school and never saw Taehyung again.

Maybe you should ask him on a date. Ask him to one night where it’s just the two of you like you wanted to when you first realized your feelings for him. Maybe today will be the day where he says ‘yes’.

“Y/N!” Kim’s voice calls from across the yard. You look towards her and the rest of your friends. “We’re leaving,” she yells, hands cupped over her mouth. 

You get up, grabbing as many empty bottles as you can. “Guess it’s time for me to go,” you tell him when you can carry no more. “Nice talk,” you add. Saying your ‘goodbye’ you turn and leave, making your way towards the waiting group. 

“I’m always working night shifts,” he shouts. You stop in your tracks and turn to look at him. He looks confidently drunk as he says, “I always close alone—best time to visit.” 

You’re grateful for your already red cheeks because you are blushing so hard right now. You say nothing and turn around, closing the gap between you and your friends. They all eye you with smirks on their faces. 

“Was our little Y/N hanging out with Taehyung?” Ahyeon teases, waving her finger at you. 

“From what I saw, Taehyung was flirting with her,” Lainey adds, her brows raising in a knowing manner. 

“He wasn’t flirting,” you counter, shaking your head as you head towards the barrels running along the wall of the back of the house. “He was being polite.” You dump all the bottles in one of the empty barrels. 

“He basically told you when he gets off work. He’s waiting for you to show up and give him the best sex of his life,” Bean states, crossing her arms over her chest. She knows you best, but she doesn’t know Taehyung, and he is definitely not waiting for you to have sex with him. 

You roll your eyes in slight annoyance. “Who’s driving?” 

“I am, party pooper,” Lainey answers, tone clearly bummed you’re not letting them have their fun with teasing. 

“Let’s order pizza and watch movies,” you say, hoping your suggestion will bring the group’s mood up a little. Thankfully it does and Lainey drives you all to Bean’s house where you have your own party in her basement and finally crash around sunrise. 

You’re debating with yourself as you lie in bed on a Wednesday afternoon. The sun is setting, giving your room an orange like glow to the white walls. Since you last saw your friends, and after their constant drunk teasing—well, besides Lainey who only drank chocolate milk the entire party, you are honestly considering whether you should go back to In-N-Out and see what happens with Taehyung. 

Sure you almost asked him out, but you were completely drunk and had so much more confidence than you do now. You’re sober and practically pushing away those thoughts. 

If fate wants you to go and ask him out, then it needs to appear before you now and tell you to do it. Yup. Fate needs to hurry up and show you this sign.

Your stomach growls, interrupting your thoughts. Climbing out of bed, you head out of your room and towards the kitchen. Your parents went to a party with their friends, so they'll be coming home late. You're on your own for dinner. Opening the fridge, your eyes scan for something to eat. You stand there for a bit, but nothing looks appealing. A small realization hits.

Is this the sign? Is this the sign telling you to go to In-N-Out?

You contemplate for a bit, trying to think of excuses to not go and see him, but you're not convincing yourself hard enough. In fact, you're telling yourself to dress up and head over there and see him.

The next thing you know, you're in your room looking for something cute to wear. You grab a mustard yellow sweater and light blue jeans. Slipping them on, you begin to do your make-up over and over until you're satisfied with it and you almost believe a professional did it rather than you. You went light on the eyes with a bit of brown and yellow eyeshadow and the darkest red lipstick you have. Fixing your hair just a bit, you're finally satisfied with yourself and get up from your vanity chair and go to your closet to grab a grey coat that stops close to your ankles. You dig further into your closet until you find a pair of forest green colored heeled boots and put them on. When everything is complete you do a once over in the mirror before heading out your room and down the hall.

Grabbing your bag and keys, you head out the front door, locking it and entering your car. Putting your car in reverse, you drive out of your driveway and down the street towards Taehyung's workplace.

What are you going to say when you get there? Are you just going to ask him out immediately? Strike up a conversation at first, get him interested in the conversation and then ask him out? What are you going to do? Say? What's the startup topic you're going to begin with?

With all the thoughts running through your mind, you didn't even realize that you made it to the restaurant and you're currently in the parking lot staring at the building a few feet away from where you're parked. You take in a few deep breaths and gather up the courage to exit your car. With your bag's strap draped over your shoulder, you clutch it tightly and begin your walk across the parking lot and towards the entrance doors.

When you enter the building, it's not as packed as you thought it would be. Your guess is because it's almost ten o'clock and no one really has dinner around this time. Walking up to the cash register, Taehyung is nowhere to be seen. Is today his day off? Did you fuck up already?

The man behind the cash register looks you up and down, making you suddenly aware of how fancy your outfit is at a fast food restaurant. You're suddenly self conscious, but you play it off like you wore this with purpose. You could have just gotten off work—what's it to him? You give the man your order and hand him your change, accepting the receipt and cup before heading towards the drink dispenser.

After filling your cup, you find a seat at the back corner next to the window, looking out onto the parking lot. Finally taking notice of your surroundings after realizing that Taehyung isn't here, you realize that the drive thru is the shortest you've ever seen. You were so wrapped up in your fear of attempting to ask Taehyung out that you finally realize that you're way overdressed. You feel ridiculous for dressing up to go to a fast food restaurant and order food.

"Order number eighty-seven," a worker calls, and you get up from your chair and head towards the front. Stepping up to the counter and grabbing your tray, someone says, "Nice outfit." You look up from your food and at the person standing in front of you on the other side of the counter to see Taehyung. He's wearing a white collared shirt with the In-N-Out logo on it, and a tug boat hat with the logo on it as well.

Why does he look so damn good in it?

"Thank you," you mumble, looking away feeling suddenly shy.

"Enjoy your meal," he says, earning back your attention. "You look cute by the way," he adds before turning away and disappearing into the back, and as you watch him disappear, he’s wearing white pants with a red, short apron. You can’t help but admire his ass until it’s gone. 

Taking your tray, you head to your seat and begin to eat your extremely late dinner. As you eat you begin to debate with yourself once again. Are you supposed to wait until closing time for him? That's three hours from here. How slow do you need to eat for it to be closing time? Will it just be him or will his coworkers be here as well? 

In the end you finish your meal and leave immediately after. You didn't have the courage to stick around.

You're back again, dressed less fancy and currently crossing the parking lot to the entrance doors. 

It's been a couple of days since you were last here, but you gathered the courage and came back to do what you couldn't do last time. You even came at a later time so that you don't have to wait over three hours for him to get off. 

You enter the building and stand behind the person currently having their order taken. You look towards the  back to see if you can spot him anywhere. So far you don't see him. 

"I can help next in line," the cashier says, and your gaze is towards her as you step up to her register. You give her your order, hand her the change and take the receipt. "We'll call you when your order is ready," she tells you as you thank her and head to fill your cup. 

You wait at your table for a few minutes eyeing the back in hopes of seeing Taehyung. Even when your name is called you still don't see him. It takes you a good fifteen minutes to realize that Taehyung isn't working today and you leave the building with low hopes.

You're back again! This time he has to be working and you can’t leave either! Walking inside the restaurant, you immediately notice Taehyung working the register, staring down and messing with the keys. You exhale, mentally motivating yourself and make your way over to him. 

When you reach him, he looks up at you and smiles, sending a million butterflies to flutter in your stomach. “Third time’s the charm—” You interrupt him.

“Let’s go on a date,” you tell him, gathering all the courage you have tonight. He’s grinning now as he says nothing but stare at you, and you suddenly lose all that courage as you mumble, “O-only if you want to.” 

“Are you going to stay this time?” he asks, resting his palms at the edge of the counter and leans forward just a bit. “I don’t want to end my shift and not see you here. Again.” 

A light blush creeps across your cheeks. “I’ll stay,” you answer, playing with the bottom of your red shirt. 

“Okay,” he says, standing up and begins to press buttons before opening and closing the tray to the register, reaching down and placing a cup on the counter in front of you. “On the house.” He goes to the back and you grab the cup, heading to fill it with your choice of drink. 

After receiving your food, you eat in silence, and about ten minutes after you began eating, you watch as several employees leave the building. They chat amongst each other clearly happy to leave an hour before closing. 

An hour? Where are they going? You look to the front and see no one. Is Taehyung still here? He didn’t leave you, right? That would be a fucked up move if he did—

The lights cut out, with only back up lights filling the dim room. A figure appears from the back, walking around the counter and towards the glass doors. It takes a bit for your eyes to adjust but you eventually realize it’s Taehyung as he locks the doors. You hear the keys jingle before he places them in his apron pocket. You swallow a lump in your throat as he walks over to your table, taking a seat across from you. 

“You in the mood to start this date now? My shift ended early.” 

You can’t help but giggle. “I’m okay with starting now,” you reply, grabbing a fry and taking a bite out of it. 

He smiles a familiar boxy smile. “Good. So, since our last conversation, I managed to come up with a few more questions.”

You hum. “Shoot.” 

He adjusts in his seat, leaning forward and resting his arms on the table. “I always thought you and Bonet were a secret thing.” 

You cock your head to the side in confusion. “Me and Theo?” You shake your head this time and correct, “We did go out once, but it didn’t work out.” 

“Why? Too young?” he implores. 

“That, and he had a crush on August. They’ve been dating since August and Theo came out around the same time,” you comment. He nods in acknowledgement. “Now I have a question for you,” you say. 

He chuckles. “Shoot,” he repeats. 

“Why are the jungle fries a secret?” you inquire, taking a drink from your red and white cup. 

He furrows his brows. “That’s your question?”

“Are you avoiding the question?” You raise your brows, fighting back a smile.

He can only sigh. “It’s not on the menu, but it is online and we do make it if asked. That’s why it’s a secret.” 

“That’s a strange reason,” you comment, taking a bite out of your burger.

“My turn,” he says, and so the two of you spend almost an hour basically playing 20 Questions. Finally he asks, “Walk with me while I make sure everything is ready for tomorrow before we head out?” 

“Sure,” you agree, picking up your tray and getting up from your seat to dump it in the trash, placing the tray on the shelf above the trash can. 

Following him behind the counter, you scan the back with eager eyes. From all the movies and shows you’ve seen revolving around working at a fast food restaurant, it looks almost the same. Stations for each employee to focus on, fridges for cold items and trays full of vegetables. Taehyung is busy double checking everything, and as you watch him, you can’t help but think of all the possibilities he could have working the night shift. 

“Have you ever had sex back here?” you blurt out, full of curiosity, but not really thinking of what you just asked. 

You watch as he turns to look at you in surprise. “You’re curious as to whether I had sex back here or not?”

You shrug. “I’d be surprised if you did,” you state.

He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the items in front of him. “I have,” he answers, and your mouth opens slightly in shock. “Had to delete the footage because I realized the camera caught us.” 

“No way,” you mutter, voice clearly surprised. 

He laughs, “There are a lot of rumors that’s happened on BTS.” 

“Like what?” you implore, taking a step towards him.

“There’s this weird dude that works at Arby’s who is way too dedicated to his job. He’s a sign spinner— the cowboy at the corner. People say he fucks people in bushes,” he tells you. 

"No way," you say in disbelief. "There's no way someone would be sneaky enough to have sex in a bush out in the open. Cars drive by, and no one has seen them?" 

"He has yet to be caught." Taehyung shakes his head in his own disbelief.

"So, everyone is having sex in their workplace it seems," you comment, watching him as places everything back where he found them. 

He walks further towards the back with you following after, stating, "I only know of Arby's and obviously here. McDonald's, Starbucks and the rest of the places I don't know if they're as creative as we are." 

"Creative," you repeat with a chuckle. 

He stops in his track at the back room where you can see the first window where people pay for their food to your left, and a closed door to your right with a small gold plaque with a sign 'manager' printed on it. 

"You feel like seeing the creativity I can come up with?" He asks, a brow raised in a questioning yet teasing manner. 

You can't help but laugh a little louder. "You can trick your manager once, but you're not getting off trying to be "creative" a second time," you tell him, using air quotes for his term of being dirty in a fast food restaurant.

He grabs his hat and tosses it up behind you. You follow the cap as it flies across the hall and catches perfectly the camera facing the two of you. Your head whips back towards him as he stands there with his arms crossed over his chest. “Your move, sweet.” 

With warmed cheeks, you utter, “There’s no way…” 

“Whatever you want to do, I’ll play along. If you’d rather go on a date at a park or just chill in the car, okay.” He takes a step closer, his body inches from you, breath fanning your lips as he adds, “If you want to get creative, I’m more than happy to do it.” His eyes glance to your lips before going back up to your wide-eyed ones. “Your call.” 

You feel like you’re about to burst with how close he is. You can see his eyes so clearly—the lust that’s hidden beneath those chocolate colored eyes. The hunger that’s looming over you, teasing you and sending chills throughout your body. He’s not even touching you, yet you can feel his hands brush along your skin with a hot trail following after. You want this just as much as he does. 

So what’s stopping you?

Crashing your lips to his, you grab a hold of his shirt and bring his body as close as possible to yours. Taehyung doesn’t hesitate to cup your cheeks and kiss you with as much need as you. Lips move along each other with hunger, teeth biting bottom lips, tongues grazing along flesh, begging for entrance. 

The two of you are not patient at all as he helps you remove your top, quickly doing the same with his own. He cups your clothed breasts, squeezing and groping roughly as his tongue swirls around yours, his hot breath making your skin feel sweaty. 

You run your hands through his hair, pulling roughly, earning a groan from him as his hands travel behind you to unclasp your bra. Releasing your grip on his locks, you take your bra off and drop it to the ground, the kiss breaking as his lips travel down to your neck, biting and licking until he reaches your breasts. He plays with one with his hand while the other is occupied with his mouth, his tongue creating circles around your nipple, teeth biting and sucking. You moan, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling. He pinches your other nipple just as hard as he’s biting it. 

“Tae—” Your words catch in your throat as he switches, his fingers pinching your already sensitive tip and biting the other. “Go further,” you beg, watching him as he breaks away from your breasts to look at you. “I need your tongue.” 

He grins a cheeky grin. “Your wish is my command,” he tells you before getting to his knees in front of you. He sure does take his time with removing your pants as you had already removed your shoes. Grabbing the waistband to your jeans, he slowly lowers them down until they’re at your ankles. You’re quicker than he is and completely remove them by using your feet to hold one side down while the other foot struggles to be free. You kick them to the side once they’re no longer around your ankles. 

“Eager I see,” he comments, but he doesn’t give you time to respond as he leans forward and bits your core through your panties. You let out a small gasp, spreading your legs out more for him. He bites and prods with his finger your clothed core, trailing his finger down between your slit. You can’t help but shutter, closing your eyes, enjoying the feeling of it. 

You want more, but you wait. You wait for a small build up he’s creating for you until you’re moving your hips against his finger. Finally, he takes a hold of your underwear and pulls it down. Lifting one leg, he completely removes them and turns his attention back to your naked body. He grabs your leg and lifts it onto his shoulder, spreading your legs as far as he can without you falling over. 

He doesn’t waist anytime getting to work eating you out. Taehyung starts by licking your bead, earning small hip thrusts from the sudden touch. Little moans escape your lips as you throw your head back, your back arching as he swirls his tongue around your clit, his fingers playing between your folds. You cry out his name as he begins to suck, your body jerking, hands gripping his hair and pulling his head closer to your womanhood. 

You’re grinding yourself against his mouth when he finally stops his fingers at your entrance and inserts two digits, sending you closer to your orgasm. His fingers thrust into you, curling and hitting your g-spot with such ferocity that your body is shaking and hunched over, saying his name like a mantra. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down as he finger fucks the life out of you. His mouth never takes a break as he flicks, sucks and swirls around your swollen bean. 

You’ve never been with someone as well practiced as Taehyung. He doesn’t stop his movements as he gets you to your high, white spots invading your vision, breath catching in your throat, toes curling and body spasming so hard that when you’ve finished your orgasm, you fall to your knees in front of him. He catches you and you sit on his leg.  

Panting roughly, you barely whisper, “Oh my God.” 

Taehyung chuckles. “Are you okay?”

You look up at him, your juices glistening from the light in the kitchen around his lips. You clean it off him with your hand. “That was amazing,” you comment, your hand trailing down his chest. 

He shrugs. “I’ve got years of practice under my belt.” 

You laugh at his statement, shaking your head. “Well, it’s only fair I repay you,” you say, getting to your feet and he does the same. You push him against the wall at the opposite end of the hall, his eyes are full of lust again when you gaze at him. His hands reach for your face, but you stop them from reaching you, adding, “Ah-ah. We’re going to see how long you last before you touch me.” 

He groans, “You repay me by not letting me touch you? That’s unfair, babygirl.” 

You grin. “Life is never fair,” you tell him, getting to your knees and focusing your attention on his bulge hidden beneath his white pants. You unbutton and unzip his jeans, gazing your eyes up to see him staring intently at you. He sticks his tongue out to lick his lower lips, his eyes full of hunger like you’re his prey and he’s ready to pounce. 

You grab both his pants and waistband to his boxers and slowly drag them down until they are at his ankles. His member is hard and almost hits your lips when it sprung free. Your eyes widen at its size, mouth watering at the sight of it, and your core getting wet all over again at the thought of it pounding you into oblivion. 

“Remember,” you begin, the tips of your fingers brushing along his penis, “No touching.” You stick your tongue out and lick his tip, his body jerking from the sensation. 

Your tongue circles around his tip, deep, heavy breaths can be heard coming from Taehyung. You can see his hand clench into a fist next to him. He wants you to do more—touch you and guide you where he wants you to be, but he’s resisting so hard. So, you take the desperate hint and take him fully into your mouth, earning a low growl from him. 

“Your mouth is so warm,” he says in a husky tone. “Fuck.” 

You swirl your tongue around him as you bring your head back and then push forward again, taking him as deep as you can. You continue to bob your head back and forth, sucking on his tip every now and then as he moans in pleasure, his hands going up into his hair or balling into fists at his sides. He curses under his ragged breaths, thrusting his hips to meet you at a faster pace. 

You release him from your mouth, grabbing his shaft and lifting it up to place your lips on his balls, your mouth opening to grab what you can and suck. Taehyung is moaning louder and cursing more than he was earlier. His legs shake from the pleasure he can’t contain. 

“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—I can’t take it anymore,” he grunts, reaching his hand down to grab yours holding his girth. He helps you to your feet, quickly getting his feet out of his boxers and jeans, and pushes you backwards until your back is against the cold, tiled walls. You can’t help but gasp at the feeling of it. “I need to be in you, Y/N. I need to feel you,” he pleads, his lips brushing along yours, his member pressing against your walls in a desperate attempt to feel warmth between your legs. 

“Please,” you say, lifting a leg up and he takes a hold of it, lifting it higher as his other hand lines himself at your entrance and finally pushes in. The both of you let out moans, kissing each other desperately. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight and wet,” he groans, pulling himself out and then pushing back in. “You’re so warm. Shit—I don’t know how long I can last. You feel amazing, babygirl.” 

You grab his free hand and bring it to your lips. Taking his middle finger, you put it in your mouth, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it as if it were his shaft. “Fuck me,” you command, biting his finger just a bit. 

“Oh, baby. I’m going to make your legs feel like jelly,” he murmurs, thrusting into you roughly. Your gasp is caught in your throat as he thrusts deeply into you, giving you no time to catch your breath as he fucks you without a second thought. His finger leaves your mouth, trailing down your body and to your breast to squeeze it as his mouth latches onto your neck. 

You feel a small pain on your neck from him biting your skin, a soft touch from his hand fondling your boob and immense pleasure as he enters you with a rhythmed pace. You claw his back, clutch his hair as you moan in the empty building, your voice louder than the hums of the freezer that can be heard somewhere in the kitchen. 

“Oh my God, yes. Don’t stop, Tae—right there,” you ramble, arching your back as he hits your sensitive spot. “Fuck yes, right there.” 

He grips your thigh tightly, breathing heavily into your neck as sweat drips down both of your bodies. You can feel a hickey growing as he sucks on your skin where your shoulder and neck meet. He doesn’t care and neither do you as you try your best to thrust your hips to meet his fast pace, desperately wanting to reach your orgasm. 

“Please touch me,” you beg, gripping his shoulders for balance as your right leg, keeping you up, is shaking. “I’m so close,” you rasp.

His hand that was once fondling your breast is immediately trailing down between your bodies and to your delicate bead. He presses his fingers to it and begins his circular motion, creating a friction your body cannot take. You let out a cry as you wrap your arms around him and hug him tightly, shutting your eyes as your high gets closer and closer. 

“Fuck I’m about to come,” Taehyung grunts.

“Don’t stop. Please don’t stop,” you whisper harshly, the sound of skin slapping against each other, his skin peeling away from yours every time he thrusts out of you. His grunts get louder, thrusts no longer at a pace you’re familiar with. He’s just about there and so are you. 

He picks up the speed as fast as he can with his hand and it does just the trick. You’re screaming out his name as you fall into your orgasm, trying your best not to bite him as hard as you are right now. Taehyung is cursing louder and faster as he continues his thrusts and finally goes still. 

The two of you hold one another for a moment with panting breaths before Taehyung interrupts, “Some first date, huh?”

You can’t help but chuckle. “I think the rest of the dates won’t top this one.” 

Taehyung leans back to look at you, his chestnut curls sticking to his forehead. “Every date we go on from here on out will always top the one before.” 

“You sound so confident,” you mumble, your stomach fluttering at the determined look in his eyes.

“I’ve wanted you since we were in middle school. Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go any time soon,” he tells you with so much determination you can’t help but feel a blush rise and blend in with your already reddened cheeks. 

“You’ve wanted me?”

“Why do you look so surprised?”

You shake your head in disbelief. “Because you’re Taehyung. Every girl wanted to be with you. You could have anyone and I’m pretty sure you did—” 

“When there’s someone who catches your attention, it’s hard to look at anyone else,” he states, lowering your leg and holding your waist to keep you still. Your legs feel like they’re about to give out on you. “Let me show you. Let me prove to you how much I wanted your attention.” 

You’re reluctant. You feel like this is a joke, but as you stare into Taehyung’s eyes, you can’t help but feel like he’s telling the truth. Has he always wanted you and you were too blind to see it?

“Okay,” you mutter. “Show me.” 

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:30am] Me: So...

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:31am] Bean: Oh! She lives!

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:31am] Ahyeon: Where have you been Y/N! We’ve been texting all day!

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:32am] Me: I was… with Taehyung

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:33am] Kim: NO WAY

[Saturday, August 19th, 1:33am] Emi: This late?? You didn’t…

[technobladetimestamps]

Nov 16 Stream Timestamps

Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”

Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x

Timestamps with hyperlinks below

02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it” 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg /  emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”

[shamansantics]

Some People Be Shitting on My Girl Ariel

And I am here to tell you why saying shit like "Ariel left her family for d*ck whereas Moana did it to save her village" is not on.

Ariel from the very start of the movie is shown to have a profound fascination with the human world. Her passion for anthropology is such that she befriended the only bird who'd come near her and avidly listens to him to collect every tidbit of information about humans that she can get.

In the famed song "Part of that World" she sings about how she longs to "ask them my questions and get some answers", which goes to show that she often feels ignored and tossed aside when she expressed curiosity. Her interests don't matter. Her concerns are invalid. (There's a lot of proof of this in the prequel where we see her dad completely ignore her when she tries to make a point about music and how Atlantea should have it.)

She also sings about wanting to be somewhere where "they don't reprimand their daughters", showing once again that she feels scorned and diminished. Powerless.

She doesn't sing about wanting to go to balls and meet dudes to thirst on. She sings about wanting to explore a new world, discover a new culture and - hopefully - better her own fate by going to a place she, although knowing little about it - feels and hopes is more progressive than her world in certain key areas, namely the respect given to young women.

Lo and behold, she sees a mortal man and is infatuated. Saves him. Sings to him. Bonds with him in the throes of danger. This is the first time she is close to the object of her passion - a real live human - and he is fascinating and male and pretty damn fine.

We don't know how much contact Ariel has with merman, but her best friend is a literal fish, her chaperone is a crab and like... do we see Ariel interact with any mermen? Or her sisters? Never. This isn't conclusive evidence but considering how tight a leash Triton tries to keep her on, I honestly wouldn't be shocked if she just plain wasn't allowed to talk to guys - tailed or legged - that were even remotely sexually compatible with her ever. So yeah.

She's out and about unsupervised, saves a hot dude, spends the night high on adrenaline and feeling like a powerful heroine while in the closest proximity she's ever been to a man who isn't her dad EVER... and the night before she'd seen him singing and dancing and being generally good humoured and not a jerk? She is going to fall hard and fast.

That's not a character flaw, okay. I repeat. FALLING IN LOVE ISN'T A CHARACTER FLAW.

It doesn't make her silly or weak or stupid to fall head over heels for a guy who represents everything she finds inspiring in a very short time. It makes her *sixteen*, her canon age, if I'm not mistaken. Hormones are high, mood is lit, guy is attractive. She's going to be attracted. She is going to love him. Love what he represents. Novelty. Freedom. Joy. Adventure.

Most of all, she's going love what he inspires in her: courage, strength, daring. And yeah, beauty and sexiness too.

He makes her feel more powerful than she's EVER felt before and they haven't even spoken yet! Unsurprisingly, she is going to confuse attraction and a feeling of empowerement with "true love", especially if she's never been told she was powerful before.

Ariel has been told she's pretty and sings well and all she's good for is sitting tight in her shell and combing her hair and performing for concerts.

As someone whose father has told them - and I quote - "the only thing I know that you can do well is sing" (ouch...), it smarts okay. It *hurts* to want more and be reduced to your voice. Unsurprising that Ariel didn't see trading it as a big deal.

By the time she goes to see Ursula, she has *saved a man's life* in the middle of a raging storm while the sea was on *fire*. Her chaperone has betrayed her leading to her father disrespecting her one time too many and then *destroyed* her most valuable possessions to "teach her a lesson". She is in love and angry and empowered. And he expects her to what? Go home and fucking *sing*?

Honestly, if Ursula hadn't asked for her voice, she'd probably have offered it up anyways in exchange for one (1) Atlean salt-and-vinegar chip.

So... keep in mind that this is the mindset of the girl who "gave up her world and family for d*ck".

Her dad's a jerk. Her sisters don't share her interest or understand her. Her best friend is a *fish* and just not able to keep up or truly connect with her the way she wishes he could. She is *lonely*. She is young. She is a girl.

And do you know what girls are taught? They're taught that the only thing that will make them feel more powerful than being in love... is being someone's mom. Ariel is too young to care about motherhood. But she is the perfect age to buy the "true love is the most powerful feeling you will ever experience" bullshit hook, line and sinker.

So if she feels empowered around a man? A good looking man at that? Must mean she's madly in love with him.

And see... this narrative... it isn't just Ariel who has it. She has spent *years* passionate about humanity and its culture only to be dismissed, mocked or forbidden to explore her interests at every turn. Her troves, build over years of exploration, is annihilated in *seconds*. Her father has NO respect whatsoever for her desire to learn about humans.

Ariel's true passion: anthropology of humanity is completely invalidated. No one sees it as something of value in this girl, much less something that might empower her enough to seek out the sea witch and give up her tail and voice to pursue. Least of all her.

And yet, it is. I am willing to bet that if she'd gone home after talking to Flotsam and Jetsam, the idea of seeking out the sea witch would have stayed there and within a decade, she'd have gone anyways.

The thing is... the interest of women and girls aren't taken seriously. They're "childish" and "immature" and "unimportant". The most important thing a woman can do is be in a relationship with a man and then a mother, or so we're told. That's why even accomplished career women are seen as having something fundamentally missing if they're single.

My point is... Ariel didn't abandon her family and home to chase after a guy she hadn't even talked to yet.

She abandoned her family and home to chase after a dream she'd had for years. The guy was a side quest that temporarily obsessed her because hormones and also threat of doom via seawitch... but folks. The sheer *delight* on that girl's face during her carriage ride through town is not the face of a woman whose biggest concern in life is getting married. You know... when her life isn't under threat if she doesn't.

What you should be pissed off about isn't that a sixteen year old dared fall in love with a guy who made her feel powerful, even though she didn't know him. And it's not that said sixteen year old was willing to trade the things OTHER PEOPLE told her were her most valuable assets (family that doesn't value her as a person, home she wants to leave, singing ability that has been used to demean her to a useless pretty thing)...

What you should be pissed off about... is that Triton thought it was okay to destroy the trove his daughter worked years towards. Would have NEVER allowed her to trade her legs and voice to go be human just for the sake of learning and enjoying human culture...

But was *blessing* her decision to do just that when framed under the lense "I'm in love with this dude I've know for less than a week and I'm gonna marry him, unfortunately tail's gotta go to make that happen and I'm never coming home ever."

He would have dragged her back kicking and screaming if she'd asked to leave so she could go pursue her passion. No amount of "proving herself worthy" would have made that an okay thing for her to do. But because it's "true love"... sure. Fine. She can go. He's fulfilled his fatherly duties anyways and made sure she's done the most important thing a daughter can do: marry a rich dude.

The moral of this story is...

A. Stop shitting on women for falling in love. It doesn't make them less worthy or their decisions less legitimate.

B. Stop shitting on women for confusing feeling empowered with falling in love when they're told about how amazing and magical the latter is and don't even know the former is exits, a lot of the time.

C. Start shitting on people for giving more legitimacy to the concept of "true love" as a motivator for making huge life changes than they do to shit like "because this thing interests me and I like it a lot and it makes me feel good when I do it". Start shitting on people for making a woman seeking a sense of fulfillment not worth a happy ending unless there's a romance too.

D. Moana was super selfish for wanting to leave her home to go explore even though she had a good family and her island was happy. And that's *okay*. Women are allowed to want things for themselves. They don't exist to please others and pacify their societies. Good on her for saving her village though.

E. Ariel was super selfish for wanting to leave her home to go explore even though her family was arguably much less awesome than Moana's. And that's *okay*. Good on her for meeting a dude she liked, falling for him and making the relationship last and be, as far as Ariel II shows us, a pretty decent one. WOMEN ARE ALLOWED TO WANT ROMANCE and it doesn't make them frivolous, even if they want it more than the "important" shit they're told they should be interested in instead. (Not that Ariel's main interest was romance, btw)

F. Women are allowed to be happy dammit. Be it via romance or career or hobby or academics or all of the above or *none* or other.

Just let women be happy without putting one down in favour of the other and shitting on them.

Ariel is a *great* movie and Ariel is a badass character and she is smart and extremely competent and *brave* and strong and good and anyone who says otherwise is a superficial coward whose forgotten what it feels like to be 16 and disrespected. In this essay I will...

[dreamerology]

my biggest i love monsta x ever!!!!

no offence but if u had told me a year ago that these seven boys would have had this much of an impact on my life and not only that but i still love them as much now as i did on day one (maybe even more) i’d say u were lying. usually my interests come and go in phases and nothing has ever lasted as long as mx???? but i rly truly cannot imagine my life without them at this point. in fact, the 2-3 months at the very beginning of uni where i stopped having time for them and thought i was moving on were the worst of this year (ofc that wasn’t the only reason those months were hard, but feeling like i was falling out of love w mx hurt more than id care to admit). they’ve brought me so much happiness and connected me with so many amazing people and not 2 be cheesy but made me into a better person! like they just continue to have the biggest positive influence in my life and i got the opportunity to meet one of my best friends bc of them, i’ll forever be thankful for them

i know i havent been w mx since the beginnign but!!!! even just seeing shownu grow so much this year has made me sooooo happie!!!!!! i Love how u can just see he’s more comfortable now and seems a lot more at ease……..the fact that hes comfortable enough to host his own solo vlives and no offence but theres not a single thing i dont love abt that man! hes so fucking funny….like its sorta weird humor?? dad humor almost? BUT HES HONESTLY FUNNY WITHOUT EVEN TRYING hes just reached a point where he’s got no filter and will just say whatever and sometimes even the wording will make me laugh dkjfhkjsd the true underrated comedian of the group tbh. hes so selfless too bicht………….i still cant believe he split the money from his solo event w the other members My Heart :-((((((( and when hes on a solo schedule he’s always mentioning the others!!! nd doesnt let anyone forget abt them, they rly are one big family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO HIS SMILE is the cutest shit ive ever seen!!!!! like when he smiles rlllly big nd his eyes crinkle nd he :D and his big “ha ha ha” ,,,,music 2 my ears!!!!!!!! i wish he could be that happy forever. hes the biggest softest teddy bear i just wanna give him a giant hug???

fun fact wonho was the first member i knew abt nd was able to recognize nd such!! my friend who helped me get into mx talked abt him a lot so i grew to love him before i even knew the others!!! actually hes probably still the one i know the most abt bc of her? anyways! angels exist and wonho is living proof of that! his love for mbbs is on a whole other plane of existance???? ive never felt this loved nd appreciated as a fan before nd its all genuine!!!!!. wonho is a monbebebebe first and a monsta second. hes just so full of love….im convinced thats why hes so Large he needs to fit his heart in his body somehow...hes just got so much love to give!!!!!!! he is the most thoughtful and caring person??? like not even towards monbebes and his memebrs but like at the end of mxray when he made sure to buy all the staff and crew little gifts as well, my heart grew 3 sizes for him!!!!!! and im so soo soooooooooooooosososooo proud of him to have some of his songs on the albums this year and not only that but! from zero getting a stage on tv!!!!!! his song!!!! he did that!!!!!! his hard work paid off….i hope he continues to be able to produce more music this year! oh one last thing, i love how? childish he is??? idk if thats the right word but hes always teasing or changing or playing around w the other members and hes always being goofy and laughing and it just makes my heart!!!!! rly happy nd warm

what is there left 2 be said abt minhyuk that i havent already said yet jdfshkjdhf i just! Love Everything abt that boy :-((((((( i love his sunshiney positive personality that never fails to cheer me up, i love how caring he is and how he always makes sure to be there for his members and makes himself open for them, i love his uneven blink, i love how soft his voice is and how it sounds exactly how sunshine looks, i love his fingers go sorta crooked when he makes a peace sign, i love his laugh and how silly he is, i love his thoughtful and serious side, i love how smart he is, i love his toothy smile, i love when hes on stage and he looks so radiant and glowing and u can see how happy he is and how he was truly built to shine, i love his ears, i love how affectionate and loving he is, i love his one (1) dimple, i love how sometimes he just says the weirdest shit…...like i rly wanna understand what hes thinking sometimes, i love how cute he looks wearing hats or how soft he looks in giant sweaters, i love him sooooooo much my heart hurts

can u believe i didn’t used to love kihyun this much? past me was a whole fool! i’ll try to keep this one sorta short too since i’ve already written a love essay for him but! once again i rly do love him w my whole heart!!!!!! absolutely Everything he does is so endearing and i loooove how he cares so much….he rly went and made us our own season's greeting for free nd his photography is rly No Joke! hes so talented nd u can rly see how passionate he is abt it!!!!! it makes me so so happy seeing him talk abt it, like he just lights up its the best thing ive ever seen. i Love his smile!!!! when his face scrunches up and u can see the little dimples on his cheeks and see all his teeth and he laughs and throws his head back or hits whoever’s closest to him or just collapses thats Good Shit!!!!!!!! im so glad he’s happy enough to be able to smile like that!!!!!!! it makes my heart tingle thinking abt him being happy. he rly is the cutest, i love him nd all his beauty marks :D !! nd no offense but hes never had a bad hair colour/style nd thats the tea on that!

chae hyungwon 2018’s lord nd saviour????????? anyways its about Damn Time i write him a love essay :-((((( having both best friends being hyungwon biased ive secretly been converted 2 a whole chaebebe….their love rubbed off on me!!! i love it :D idk where to start...gosh hes seriously so hardworking????? im soooooo so soo so proud of him!!! icb he picked up djing as a hobby nd then made it to a big festival, is on mix and the city and has released not one but two (2) songs only months later!!!!!!!!! we love a talented man!!!!!!! nd his dancing bichksjdfhsdj hes so fluid nd smooth when he dances…...i always find myself watching him first in group practices like there something rly captivating abt him?? please let him show us more of his dancing its So Good. also hes got the nicest voice…...its so deep wtf...but like its So Calming 2 listen to? especially when hes sleepy nd its extra raspy? Good Shit! and when he sings!!!!!!!! bicshjkdfhksdhj hes got one of my fave vocal voices i rly wish he got the lines he deserves :((( hes! So! Cute! jfhsdjfhs he gets embarrassed so easily and always makes the goofiest faces but i love it….he covers his smile sometimes too :-((( i wish he wouldnt its So Bright nd cute nd warm just like he is!!!! hyungwon’s smile is the 8th wonder of the world thats just the facts folks!

mister jooheon……….the true example of the duality of man. i dont understand how he can go from his scaredy cat self to and Actual God,,,blows my mind. i’m pretty sure i’ve said this at least a hundred times but his stage presence is truly Unreal……..its on a whole other level…….ive never seen them live but if i ever do i fear for my life. nd i know once it’s over im only gonna know one (1) man and that man is lee jooheon. but at the same time hes rly The Cutest id trust him w my life???? his eyes are so warm!!!!!! And his Big Smile!!!!!!!!!!! his dimples? deeper than the marianas trench, i wanna build my home in them nd raise my family there. hes such a talented dude!!!! mx don’t have a single bad song thenks jooheon! also for the first couple months i’d alway forget he was one of the youngest? like hes very mature too nd seems very responsible djfhkjsdhfjsd idk how he was the only one 2 be able to keep it together during their first win 2 give the speech…..hes so strong. i love him so much :-( hes so cute nd gentle nd thoughtful...truly the biggest angel who deserves the world!!!!!!!!!!

i think if there's any member i would actually get along best w it would b changkyun. we’re both rly similar from what i can tell...like sorta quiet, but loud around those we’re comfortable with!!! first off hes so funny nd…..weird but like in a good way sdjfhksdjhf sometimes i rly just think he says the first thing that comes to his mind “actually we have a baby” ????? who let him \…..he always makes me laugh reading his fansign notes too omg that being said hes also one of the most serious members at times i feel like. hes just got this rly mature vibe nd he handles things rly well??? idk if that makes sense but Yeah. he’s just someone who’s not rly afraid 2 be themselves, i wish that were me??? ive got so much to learn from them. also icb he literally invented being cute???? he doesn't even have 2 try hes just adorable!!!!!! like his laugh nd smile? The Best!!!!! and when u can see his lil dimples yeahhhhh hes sooo super sweet and cheesy. i looooove how close hes gotten w the other members despite their rough start, they rly are a family nd im glad hes comfortable around them it rly warms my heart!!!!! whenever hes getting showered in love my heart !!!!!!! its what he deserves!

on that note, the one thing i think that has stayed with me more than anything is that one fansign note where ck was asked how he wants to be remembered in the future, when they only occasionally thought abt him and his answer was “that i gave you happiness” and not 2 b a sentimental shit but fuck! i cry every time i think abt that!!!!!!! bc i Know there’s gonna come a day where i don’t think abt them at all! there’s gonna be a day where i won’t think abt them until i see something that jogs my memory and jolts me back to this time and even tho this year has been rough i know i always will remember how much happiness they’ve brought me. i’ll remember how they were able to cheer me up when nothing else worked. i hope one day i’ll be able to feel the Pure Joy i felt when they got their first win….i’ve never felt anything like that before. i cant wait to be able to look back in nostalgia at all the happiness they’ve brought me.

anyways that got real sappy towards the end i gotta blast now bye!

[happilyneverafters]

pt 1/4: accepting; the novel text to a bff

I love him. I’ve loved him from the very beginning. I wasn’t in the right mind then. I had just gotten over XXX and I was finally living the fun single life. I knew I would hurt him bc he loved me so much and I couldn’t settle. I f*cked up. Fast forward. He did the same to me. He reached out, thinking that I was still that damaged girl he could just have fun with... he saw I wasn’t and we connected way too much way too fast and he hadn’t dealt with XXX. He literally bought a ring. Proposed. Got a “yes” and started planning a wedding. Then to find out she cheated. Yeah, obviously that hurt. He said he was over it but how could you get over that in literally 2 months? You can’t. I got a promise ring and was cheated on so I know the commitment significance but we weren’t planning a wedding????? So he ran. He wanted to mess around like I did. I was furious. Sick to my stomach on how he treated me. But I don’t care as much as I should bc I’ve been there. And I am so in love with him and it’s so f*cking unconditional and this proves it. He has been my best friend since high school. And I’m almost 25........ so 11, 12 years???? What he did was f*cked up. Hahahaha it makes me laugh out loud how f*cked up it was. And when I truly think about every bit and piece that happened from the time he messaged, to when I called him when driving to XXX and he was the biggest d*ck I’ve ever heard... I literally about puke from the gut wrenching pain... but I don’t blame him................ how can that be? I just truly feel sorry for him. Bc an engagement is the biggest decision someone could make and he made that decision. Only for it to go south. So yeah, he broke my heart. He stomped on it and spit on it and put it in the shredder. But for some reason, all of my tears, all of my depression, all of this weight I’ve gained, all of my poems I’ve wrote and all of the fake things I’ve done/said .... I’m still on the fence on how I should feel. I should be angry. I should cuss him out. I should punch him in the face. I should get revenge. I should move on. I should be happy. But I don’t want to. I want to be sad. I want to hurt. I want to miss him. I want to love him. I want to blame her and not him. I want to blame college and not him. I want to blame time and not him. I want to blame me and not him. And that’s sick in the head of me. Bc he literally told you he couldn’t care less about me. Yet here I am, hoping I’ll secretly see him one day. I know I deserve better. But not a better person. The situation was just off. But I can’t see the wrong in it bc I was that person too. If God continues to keep him on my mind and is giving me the words to write about him, I want to trust that he’s supposed to be in my life. If people keep going back to each other, they aren’t meant to be apart. Sure this was only the second time of going back but will I ever not want to go back???? That’s what I fear. You say I’ll meet someone and I’ll “know” like you did. But that’s how I felt with him. I was seriously the most alive I’ve ever been in my entire life. I didn’t want to sleep. I was excited to wake up. I was living on the edge. I was spontaneous. I wanted to be out of the house. I wanted to be with him even if we were just sitting. Or swinging. I wanted to hear every little thing he had to say. And study every feature of his face and body and mind and heart and soul.

pt. 2/4

He wasn’t the person who hurt me. And I don’t believe he meant it. I feel for him the way you feel for yours and the way your voice changes when you talk about him. But he is such a bag of f*cking d*cks and I hate his guts. I want to karma to take him out and make him call her daddy. But I am so consumed that as soon as I think about how angry I should be, I think “aw I just want to hug him and tell him it’s okay”. Yet he would never in a million years do that for me. So when will I stop wanting to do that for him? Or will I? Like I said in one of my poems, I need to act like he is XXX. I wanted so badly to be XXX’s but he is physically not able. He is gone. I need to look at him that way. Same with XXX. When XXX started dating girls in his town. I was miserable. When he told me not to come to XXX. I was livid. But then I realized. He’s not physically able to be mine. That’s how I need to look at him. But I refuse to believe it. I refuse to accept it. I can listen to yalls advice and I will gladly do it but I can’t promise I’ll ever want it to be true. He doesn’t understand that bc he wouldn’t give me the chance to explain that. He read my words. He didn’t hear my words. Or my tone. He refused to look me in the eye and when I was finally close to it he said “ugh fine you can come over”..... like, no, I’m not going to “ugh come over” and fight for your ear and your heart. I’ll “ugh come over” to physically fight you bc you’re an idiot and need to be taken down a notch bc you’re too high on your horse but again, he’s damaged, he’s got that mindset he needs to be free bc he’s seen the ugly side of commitment, not my side of promising commitment. Again, like I said in one of my poems, I don’t love him for how he treats me bc clearly he treats me like I’m a washed up piece of garbage that a raccoon dug through and slept on throughout the rainy night but bc of who he is and what he’s been through and what is capable of. I’m in love with every bit of him for him. Not him for me. Again, he can’t hear that bc he’s childish enough to plug his ears and not listen. Idk what to do. I’ll move on. I’ll go on this date tonight and try my best to keep an open mind but I know at the end of the night, when I get my phone out before bed, I’ll look at his pics or see what he’s posted/reposted. That’s so dangerous of me. You’re right, I might find someone someday who won’t treat me this way. But I want to at least wait to see if his bas**** a** will grow up first and realize I would gladly ask his mom for his hand, get down on one knee and ask his frat a** to marry me and I would say yes to him every single day of my life. Even if he said no to me, like he already has.

pt 3/4

He won’t come back. And I know that. He won’t. Bc he is able to wipe his hands and walk away bc to him, he did nothing wrong. He was just living the single life. But to me, I was home with him. He didn’t act as just living the single life. To him, he was. To me, it was not at all. And he wouldn’t know that. That’s the thing. He doesn’t know. I could tell him, I’m not scared to express it, it’s just like he said though, it’s pointless. It wouldn’t benefit him, and it wouldn’t benefit me. It’s a waste of breath. I’ve made myself look like a psychotic fool to him. I’d rather sit in my room crying and writing about my feelings, just to save him the time of hearing my voice. I won’t wait for him. It’s not necessary. And I told him I wouldn’t. But unlike him, I’m not going to go out and find someone. The only reason I’ve got the date tonight is bc I got upset and downloaded a dating app for one night. Bc I don’t want to meet someone that way. Which is another fear. I don’t want to meet someone online. I don’t go out to bars. You can’t really meet anyone at a church like ours. It would just have to be a mutual friend or someone I’ve already known. Either way, I don’t want anyone else. I didn’t when I broke up with him a few years ago. I tried to come back but he had already had me blocked bc XXX. So I had to. No one, no one, even came close to how I felt about him. Again, it’s not just “oh I really want to be with him”..... the connection.... the connection is what is real and instant and easy and fun and that’s what I loved. He was my best friend first. Does he really have a connection like that with everyone????

pt 4/4

I can’t cry. I’m trying to. I need to. I’m just numb. This song I’m listening to is so touching and of course, I’m thinking of him, but I can’t cry. I think I’ve literally used up all of my tears. I can’t feel anything. And it got me thinking. Y’all are so tired of hearing me vent about him. I know that. And I’m sorry. I know you know something I don’t. And maybe it’s that he truly won’t come back. And that’s fine. I think I’m finally accepting that. But the thing is, is I know what I want. And I’ve known what I’ve wanted for a long time. And it’s him. It will always be him. It always has been. You say I’ll find someone but the gag is I know it’s him. Whether God tells him no, God has told me yes. So many times. And if he is somewhat available, I’m not going to force myself to move on if I don’t have to. I’m not saying I will refuse others but I won’t give up hope on him but if/until he calls me, FaceTimes, or comes to physically see me.... he won’t come back. It’s easy to not care when you have zero contact. He’s the cool senior frat guy who can get any girl he wants. Toxic. Pathetic. Disturbing. Disgusting. But that’s not him. And I know if he saw me, he’d feel for me what he had before, whether he thinks so or not. I’m still so happy. I haven’t changed. I still am living the same life I did before he came back. And today being in XXX, I didn’t search for him, I was just enjoying my time home, but I can’t say I didn’t imagine what it would have been like with him there with me. Or in the car ride home. Or Rn listening to this romantic song trying to nap. It’s him I want. It’s him I need. But I can’t let you be the one I dump it on. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I know it’s been... 2 months? You’re tired. I’m tired. So it’s time that I suffer alone. As much as I will pray for that day to come where him and I come face to face, you won’t hear about it. I don’t blame him for anything he did. He wasn’t in the right mind. And even if he was, he wasn’t in the wrong. He hurt me, yes. But I did it to myself. And I’m continuing to put myself in the same pain. That’s on me. No one else. So no one else should have to suffer the consequences. I’m okay even though I’m really not okay. It’s not him I’m letting destroy me bc it’s him who truly makes me feel alive, I’m destroying myself. Satan is using this heartbreak against me and I’m giving them the power to consume the little bit of me that I have to offer someone else. Like I said, I’m not depressed bc of him and I’m not allowing him to be the reason I’m numb... I just think the constant “why” or “why not” or “when” is slowly drowning me. I’ve said many times in my poems that my love for him is the most unconditional love I’ve ever experienced in my life and I know that is a once in a lifetime type of love, a true f*cking love that I just can’t grasp isn’t a two way street, and that is what is driving me insane. I could continue typing for hours and days and months and years about this but again, I’m keeping you out of that now.

[gladysnmccary]

[INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games

Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D are ready to blow the roof off The Bomb Factory in Deep Ellum.

Tenacious D released their last album Tenacious D in Post-Apocalypto last year and will be bringing it live to DFW. The duo is scheduled to perform on October 19th. Doors will open at 7PM and the music will be unleashed an hour later. Cinema fans may recognize the band from the cult movie classic Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, which followed their legendary journey to rock and roll immortality. Click here to get tickets or find out more information about the concert and venue.

Of course, Jack Black is no stranger to the big screen or music. He headed up the award-winning movie School of Rock and has starred in numerous other blockbuster hits such as Shallow Hal, King Kong, Nacho Libre, and the Jumanji reboots. Since he is heading to Dallas next month, we thought it might be a good idea to catch up and see what we can expect from his debut at The Bomb Factory. Jack was kind enough to agree and what followed was one of our funniest and most open interviews to date. Take a look at what he had to say and also be sure to hear Tenacious D bring the “spicy mustard” to Deep Ellum later next month!

You've received numerous awards for acting in blockbuster movies and you have a successful music career. What would you consider your highest achievement thus far?

Probably School of Rock. That was like my tombstone. That's my biggest gig and my big breakthrough. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from Tenacious D. Every album is like a baby because that one's all mine. You know? The writing, directing, and starring in each one of those projects.

Are there any projects you've done that you regret?

No. [laughs] No, none that I would ever admit to.

You’ve actually got a new movie, Jumanji: The Next Level, coming out later this year.

That one I definitely don’t regret; that’s for sure.

You’re known for being a gamer. What games are you currently into?

I’ve been playing this golf game on my phone. My phone has ruined my gaming career because I was all about the Xbox until my iPhone took over my life. Now there's a game called W… Is it called WTF? It can’t be called WTF. Hold on let me look… It’s called WGT Golf.

Close enough.

Yeah, it's a great golf game for your phone. It's a great app, but they found a way to suck all the money out of my wallet and it's a pet peeve of mine, all these f*cking phone games. They can be fun, but I'm from a generation where you bought a game and you were done buying sh*t. Do you know what I mean? You could play the whole game for your 50 bucks or whatever it is. Fifty bucks seemed like a lot of money for a game back in the day.

Now, with these little crappy phone apps with the in-app purchases, you can spend hundreds of dollars on stupid ass games. The graphics are not better than my rad Xbox games. They figured out a way to rig the system and I hate them for it. But, in the meantime, I continued to just give them my money because I'm a sucker.

You are spot on with that. I can't think of a truer statement I've heard today.

I keep on meaning to play Red Dead Redemption. I’ve started playing it but I’ve just scratched the surface. I just can't carve out the time in my life, you know. I’ve got kids and I’ve got jobs. I am looking forward to retirement when I'm in the old folk’s home and really catch up on all those video games that I've let fall by the wayside. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Let’s just hope the arthritis holds off so you can do that.

I guess that would f*ck with my gaming. But you know, those Rockstar Games like Red Dead and the Grand Theft Auto don’t require all that much finger strength or speed. It's more like watching a movie. It’s like Bandersnatch where it's a hybrid between a movie and a video game. Did you check out Bandersnatch?

I heard it was awesome. So yeah, I had to check it out.

Hell yeah! That's the future. It's half game and half movie. It won an Emmy for Best TV Movie and I thought that they deserved it, just for the innovation of the choosing your own adventure style. It’s so rad and exciting. Those Black Mirror folks know what they're doing. They’ve got some good episodes too.

Speaking of Hollywood, you apparently made some comments a few years back that offended some folks involved in making superhero movies. Let's go ahead and bridge that void. You were considered for playing Green Lantern before that movie came out. What superhero could you see yourself playing?

Yep. Then they gave it to the pretty boy and you see how that turned out. Great job Hollywood. You sure f*cked that one up. Mine was going to make a billion dollars but, you know, hindsight is 20/20. And I don't begrudge him; I like that guy's new superhero movie as long as he keeps the mask on. Just don't take that mask off because that's when everything gets f*cked. What's his name again? I can't remember his name.

Ryan Reynolds?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Ryan Reynolds. I do enjoy the twists and turns that his career has taken because it took him a while to get it going, but now he's on fuego. More power to him. What was the question again? What would I want to do?

What superhero movie would you do or what superhero would you be?

You know, I'd have to be some fat pain in the @ss. Maybe Penguin would be a good role for me or maybe Thing. If you put me in the right muscle suit made of rocks I could be the Thing from Fantastic Four.

I don’t know, man. I’ve seen you do Chris Hemsworth’s workout and you nailed it. Don’t sell yourself short.

Oh yeah! No, I I've got some upper body strength. It's just covered in fat. I'm trying to think if there's any other good fat superheroes, but nothing's coming to mind. Maybe I could be, like, Buddha. That’s not a superhero, he's a religious figure. He's the king of the of the Buddhists. His power could be that he can float around and talk to animals. He's pretty rad. He's real mellow and super Zen.

You may have to work that into your next album.

I'd like to play Buddha. You think they could work him into the MCU?

I don't see why not. It seems, at this point, that they let anybody in.

But I definitely would get in trouble for taking an Asian-American role; that could actually be the end of my career. So, there's that… Do you remember how much trouble Tilda Swinton got in? She got into big trouble for playing that role in Dr. Strange. So, you don't really want to f*ck with that. In fact, next question please.

Fair enough. So, Tenacious D used to be a popular basketball term. Why did you think it was a good idea to apply it as your band’s name?

Well at the time we thought it was hilarious, but in retrospect it was pretty dumb. It's not a very good name for a band, and it's not even really funny anymore. I don't know. Tenacious D. We thought it was just pure gold. It's funny how things somethings age well like a fine wine, but that name for a band is kind of like aged mayonnaise. You don't want to be called Tenacious D. But you know what? It served us well.

It's just among a list of lots of great bands with crappy names. The Beatles? That's a dumb name. I guess because it's a bug and also the word “beat” is in there. So, it's like they keep the beat. Just another dumb name for a band. Another dumb name? U2. It’s just the letter U and the number two. That's some high school sh*t. My point is that it doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is the content. Do you bring the spicy mustard sauce? If you do you'll be all right.

I read that years ago you would trade Kyle Gass food from Jack In The Box for music lessons. Who got the better end of that deal?

Oh man, that's a tough one. Those music lessons were crucial, but have you ever had Jack In The Box’s seasoned curly fries? Those are some of the best french fried potatoes in the world. I started leaking in my mouth just now. I'm going to call it a tie.

Will we ever actually get to hear the greatest song in the world?

There is a school of thought that it is the song in the Pick of Destiny, Beelzebub. But, you know, it's always a matter of opinion. That's the joke of the greatest song in the world. It's not really a definable thing. It's not really a measurable quantity. Scientifically, it doesn't make any sense to say something is the best song in the world. That’s the joke. It's in the ear of the beholder. One man’s eargasm is another man’s sh*tty music.

For those who've never been to a Tenacious D concert (or even those that have been), what can they expect from your upcoming concert in Dallas?

Well, for those audience members that are old enough to have seen Pink Floyd’s The Wall, that's what it's being compared to. It's a rock opera. It's epic. It's powerful. It's hilarious. It's rated R. Some say it’s rated X but I'm just going to say it’s a really hard R.

Are you keeping your clothes on?

I keep my pants on, but it's all animated. There's, like, a lot of drawings that will be projected on the screens around us. There’s full penetration, but it's like a really bad cartoon drawing trying to do it. It doesn't seem like it should get the same rating as a pornographic film. You get away with a lot more. Have you ever see the movie Sausage Party? You know you never would have been able to do any of that sh*t if it wasn’t a cartoon.

I was thinking that you were going to say Team America.

Aw, the best! You know, there's an unrated version that has an even funnier though sex montage. They went with, like, a full Cleveland Steamer, but only in the not rated version. You won’t get that on TV. You're not going to get that on iTunes or iMovie, but I highly recommend it. That is one of the greats.

I wouldn't call a rock opera, but man can they write some funny songs. Ah, Team America World Police… It all came down to that one weird homeless person, sort of, moral of the story. Know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

Genius and true. You can't really argue with it. They also did it with Book of Mormon. Did you see that show?

That is one that I have not seen.

They crack the code on Broadway, dude. It is the spiciest mustard, every bit as spicy as Team America. Somehow, they made it so we're laughing our @ss off, but then you look over there and there's an 80-year-old grandma laughing her balls off. How do they do it? It's like some kind of magic trick. It's wizardry.

They definitely have found a way to make some hits. Are you ready for few rapid-fire questions?

Yeah.

Favorite singer?

I'm going to go with that Aerosmith guy.

Favorite song?

I'm going to go with that AC/DC song, Shake A Leg.

Instrument you wish that you could play?

Accordion.

Song you hate to admit that you like?

What’s that song again by Chicago? I’m going to have to look it up. F*cking Chicago, dude. They are my guilty pleasure. I want to nail it. [He proceeds to cuss out his iTunes for not allowing him to log in so he could search] If You Leave Me Now, that’s it.

What would a song title be for the story of your life?

Wow… Sh*t, it would be really embarrassing to say because I've had a very charmed life, so it’d be something like Juke Box Hero.

Now I’m going to give you a subject and I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind.

Okay.

Kyle Gass

Brother.

Nickelback.

What's that one jam? It’s their biggest hit. [Proceeds to belt out a few lines from the chorus of How You Remind Me] Only one word?

I’ll let you slide and use a couple if needed.

This is unfair, but I'm going to go with cheesy. If I only get one word it’s cheesy.

Fair enough. Next topic, pirate metal.

What's that? Pirate metal? One word? Um, arrrggghhh!

I didn't know what that was until about a year and a half ago. Apparently, it's heavy metal music with pirate lyrics. That may be right up your alley.

That's a new genre to me.

Taylor Swift

Trouble.

Do I want to know why?

You be careful if you date Taylor Swift. She's going to write it song about it. She will cause you a whole world of hurt.

The next and last topic, Texas.

I'm going with barbecue.

Good answer.

I want you to spell out barbecue, not just BBQ.

Are you sure you don’t want me to put the word “Bar” and the letters BQ?

No. Come on...

Alright, I'll have to edit it. No acronym. That's all the questions I had for you. I appreciate it.

Absolutely man. Thank you. I’ll see you at the show.

The post [INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games appeared first on I Live In Dallas.

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[smokeybrand]

I Mustn’t Run Away

I’ve been binging through a bunch of youtube stuff lately and i stumbled across a guy named Bennett the sage. He reviews and explains old timey anime. I think he has a ten year rule or whatever I often disagree with his synopsis but he’s literally a neckbeard beta so i guess he HAS to hate everything. That’s the most 4chan thing i’ve ever said but it kind of describes him perfectly. Sometimes he’s on point and experly executes his argument but he hates EVA. It’s hard for me to take his arguments, academic or not, to heart. If you don’t like EVA, you don’t understand anime. Watch his episode about it. Cat is on point. Everything he says is pretty accurate. The thing is, kid glazes over all of the reasoning behind why EVA is the way it is.

Sage ignores Anno’s mental breakdown and spiral into depression, causing the tonal shift in the later episodes of the series. After Anno’s mom died, cat had an existential crisis and that uncertainty bled into his show. HIS show. Sage ignores the fact that Japan is not a christian country so everything about the dominate American religion is window dressing there. it’s not taboo to use the superficial imagery to convey a story about humanity being self destructive and fickle because, to the Japanese people and Anno, himself, that’s all we are. Christianity, and Instrumentality by extension, is shallow because we, as a people, are shallow. Instrumentality is our lazy attempt to better ourselves, to evolve beyond the fickle human existence as a means to be more, and the 1r4 year old boy who supposed to Jesus us into the nest stage, reneges. He opts for the biggest “F*CK YOU” in human existence because he’s an obtuse, unlikable, whining, douche-nozzle who chooses to force everyone into dealing with his teenage angst rather than accept people into the omni-bubble of the hive mind of evolution. EVA is a scathing, cynical, and relatively apt description of what it means to be a growing adolescence in Japan, conveyed to us in the form of a post apocalyptic mecha series, wrapped in a healthy dose of Judaeo-Christian imagery. Or, at least, that’s one interpretations and the one i personally gleaned from the series. You get what you put into Eva and he refused to make the effort. Interestingly enough, FLCL could be the same goddamn story, just seen from a different set of eyes which makes sense because Tsurumaki was Anno’s junior at Gainax way back when. Fooly Cooly just went light on the depression and religion but WAY heavy on the sex.

 Neon Genesis Evangelion is a goddamn masterpiece and it’s wild to me that people are too lazy to invest in it enough to understand why it’s a goddamn masterpiece. Listening to Bennett the Sage go in on it was ridiculous. Every one is entitles to their opinion and i get that but i almost immediately knew this cat was full of sh*t. Dude doesn't like Eva. He doesn’t like Tenchi. He doesn’t like Vampire Hunter D. He doesn’t like The Big O. He doesn’t like Elfen Lied. He doesn’t like Inuyasha. It’s almost as if you have to actually participate in the narrative, kid isn’t interested. But he LOVES Ninja Scroll. Ninja Scroll is awful! it’s all murder and rape. Literally, that’s it. If that doesn’t tell you what this kid is about, you’re not paying attention. s i watched his critiques err toward “Classic” Toonami anime, everything made sense as to why he was so goddamn ridiculous; He’s a Toonami kid. His first foray into anime was, apparently, Pilot Candidate when he was 12. In 2002. I have been watching anime since 1988.

The old stuff he reviews, your Gusmith Cats, Bubblegum Crisis, and Burn Up!,i was watching fresh. I remember when i first got a bootleg of A.D. Police. I thought it was brilliant! When Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040 came out, it was nostalgic for me and became one of my favorite shows. I grew up with the popularity of anime. I grew with the culture. I enjoy Bakuretsu Tenshi because it feels like an updated piece of the Bubblegum franchise. I imagine Bennett would hate it because he’s a goddamn Toonami kid. Toonami kind of killed anime for the generation after me because of the insipid shows that were put on. Don’t get me wrong, DBZ is a force. It’s culturally relevant and Goku might as well be Japanese Superman, but, let’s be honest, it’s a one trick pony. That trick is dope as f*ck but it’s a trick that has hindered the culture ever since. Because of DBZ, we got Naruto and One Piece, and BLEACH and, more importantly, Weeaboos. Weeaboos take the most superficial, the easiest to digest of anime, and hold it to such high esteem, it’s crazy frustration. These are the cats the regale Attack On Titian like it’s high art. It’s not. These are the cats that made SAO a thing while slighting it’s direct inspiration, the Dot.Hack franchise. These motherf*cking children are the types of people to try and convince me that Samurai Champloo is the greatest thing since the second coming because of Hip Hop music and Watanabe. Look, i get it. Bebop and Champloo are great. I don’t care for them though. The Fandom is too fervent to tolerate and they’ve ruined the experience for me. Just like they did for Inuyasha. Just like they did for FMA. And Bennett the Sage is like a lightning point for these first generation weeaboos. It’s wild to see.

He apparently doesn’t like Dragon Ball Z either. This f*ckboy, man...

It’s wild to think that there are anime fans that have never seen Ghost In The Shell. It’s wild to me that there are kids, now, getting into the culture, think that Kirito is the greatest anime protagonist ever. It’s wild to me that Akira, one of the most influential movies ever created, get slighted because it came out in the 80s for more “mature” subject matter in shows like Tokyo Ghoul. Cats nowadays think that anime has to follow a formula but, when i was coming up, the only formula anime had was the boundless creativity of it’s creator. There wasn’t a saturation pussy harem antagonist, insipid Slice of Life tropes, or Travel to another world and be a bad-ass nonsense. Production values were generally on point and the wild creativity of early anime was tantamount. I mean, there’s no way Angel’s Egg gets made today. You want to talk about being saturated in Judaeo-Christian imagery, go watch that sh*t and come talk to me about it.

I adore anime. All of it. I’ve watched it long enough to appreciate all facets of it. There are moe-blob shoe i adore like Chobits and Lucky star. Some of my favorite shows are mad pretentious and crazy convoluted like Elfen Lied or Evangelion or Deadman Wonderland or Mirai Nikki. Still, other like Erased and A Silent Voice get a spot on my all-time list because of their raw emotion and gentle portrayal of what it means to be vulnerable. Of course Space Dandy, Onepunch Man and BLEACH all have a special place in my heart and even the grand daddy of mainstream anime, Dragon Ball Z gets recognition. My point is, i love this sh*t man. Love it. All of it. So to see someone who jut adopted it as a hobby in 2002 but acts like he’s been in it for decades is wildly infuriating to me. His analysis for most of these shows is the analysis of a child. Because he IS a child. Because he came up in that Toonami era of anime where everything had to be profitable and accessible. I didn’t have that. I saw Gilgamesh and Melody of Oblivion before i saw even one episode of Naruto. I saw Evangelion and Guyver for the first time when i was 12, way back in, like, 96. This kid was watching Pilot Candidate and f*cking Blue Gender. He was at the mercy of the Cartoon Network zeitgeist. I was not. And it rains through almost all of his reviews. He’s looking at shows i watched with fresh eyes, through first generation weeaboo goggles and it’s frustrating because of how shortsighted that view can be. It’s cats like this, i think, that have slowly strangled the life out of anime. They choked the creativity out of a once wild and unique medium because of their narrow, pedestrian, tastes.

Toonami did a lot for making the culture accessible but i don’t think that was a good thing. I thing. Toonami created a culture of formula and profit rather than creativity and uniqueness. And cats like Bennett the Sage eat it up. Cats like Bennett the Sage fuel this crippled machine. Cats like Bennett the Sage are what’s wrong with anime.