#he is the sexiest man - rats and all

[mieczyhale]

the fact that bruno is losing in the tumblr sexyman poll is a crime actually and everyone who voted for the other dude is an enemy. a villain. a really cheap villain

a guy in a dollar-store mask is better than you okay

how dare y’all have such terrible taste

[bucks-babe]

More to Love

Pairing: Bucky x f!reader

Summary: Bucky wants to take care of you in every sense of the term; so what if you gain a bit of extra fat because of it?

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: Slight angst, mentions of past relationships, kind of told in flashbacks, shitty ex boyfriend who forces reader to lose weight (not Bucky), Bucky is so in love it hurts, Bucky takes care of his woman, body insecurity, weight gain because of a healthy relationship, smut, CMNF (only for a little bit), looking in the mirror while on Bucky’s lap (yes, that needs a warning), crying during sex, daddy kink, soft!dom Bucky, so much fluff, no use of Y/N, Bucky calls reader love, p in v, unprotected sex (don’t do that), implied creampie, Bucky loves his girl’s tummy, emotions.

A/N: This is NOT fetishizing weight gain, nor unhealthy habits. Bucky is not forcing the reader to gain weight to make her attractive to him; he loves his girl at any weight and just wants to take care of her. I made this fic because I want to feel like the parts of my body that I’m insecure about can still be desirable. Also this turned out way softer than the drabble, but there is still smut going on. Thank you to the amazing @buckys-wintersoldier for beta reading; however, any and all mistakes are my own.

Ever since you started dating Bucky, you have noticed how different he is compared to your previous partners. Not just because he is a 6 foot something brick house, but also in the way he treats you. You’ve never experienced such raw and untamed love directed solely at you, or the way his eyes seem to bore into your soul, memorizing every quirk and tick you possess. It’s almost overwhelming how much he loves you.

Never before have you felt so comfortable in a relationship. Previous boyfriends never really felt like boyfriends, rather personal trainers. Maybe you were bad at picking them out, but your last partner was a gym rat, constantly obsessing over what he was eating and how many hours he put into the gym that week. The obsession he had for the gym followed through into your relationship. If you wanted to spend time with him, it had to be at the gym. 

He would construct fitness plans for you, saying that the softness of your stomach needed to go to make him happy, and you let him. You don’t know why you let him weasel his way into your head, but he did. Eventually, it went past the gym, and he would only allow you to go to a certain restaurant to eat because the others had way too many unhealthy options, side-eyeing you for ordering a side of fries instead of a salad. Cooking at home became a battle since you weren’t supposed to eat anything fatty or fried, nothing you did was ever good enough for him. 

Over the course of that relationship you did end up losing the extra weight you had, but also weight that you didn’t need to lose, and soon you were “too skinny” and “didn’t have enough meat on your bones for him.” He left you soon after - over text. It was something along the lines of, “I wanted to see if I could make you attractive, but you don’t look good, fat or skinny.” It crushed you. The man that you thought you were in love with, and who loved you, broke your heart. You never gained the weight back, hoping against hope that he could come back and realize he was wrong about you. He never did.

It took you a long time to get over that piece of shit, but what he said about your body never left - you were still terrified to gain weight. But then you met Bucky, and for a while you forgot about that asshole. You had the sweetest, sexiest, kindest man that you were able to call yours, so why would you even think about your past?  It started so slow you didn’t even notice until it was too late. 

You groaned, stretching out in bed, arm reaching out for your boyfriend, only to find his side of the bed cold and empty. Squinting, you try to open your eyes, sunlight forcing them to close. After a few tries, you get them open and look at the time - 7:19. Bucky must be back from his morning run. Searching the floor for his henley, you walk into the kitchen to find Bucky cutting up your favorite fruit in a bowl, shirtless. The both of you know that he can hear you walk up to him, hell he probably heard you the moment you woke up, but he humors you when you wrap your arms around his waist, resting your head on his shoulder as he jumps in surprise.

“What’cha doing, honey,” you murmur into his back, peppering it with kisses.

“Makin’ something to eat after runnin’ with Steve all mornin’. Hope I didn’t wake ya up, Love.” You feel the shiver that shoots up his spine at your touch.

“No, I was just about to get up anyway, just so happens that I woke up to this sight.” 

Bucky turns only his head to look down at you, a crooked smile adorning his scruffy face, “And you can wake up to it every day. Now how about you go sit your pretty little ass down on the couch and get our show ready? I’ll be there in a minute.”

You place a chaste kiss to his cheek before slapping his ass on the way out earning a glare from him. Bucky knows that you don’t eat in the morning but he has devised a plan because you not eating in the morning will follow to you only eating at dinner tonight. 

You hear his heavy foot fall as you’re getting comfy on the couch only for him to pick you up and rest his back against the arm of the couch, setting you down in his lap, his chest to your back. He ignores your squeals and settles down. 

While you are watching your show, Bucky is watching you, and before you know it, a piece of pineapple is passing your lips. Chewing happily, you don’t even notice that Bucky has you eating until the deep rumble of ‘good girl’ is whispered in your ear. A deep throb settles in your core as you continue to eat each piece he puts in your mouth, desperate to hear his praise again and again.

That was how it started, Bucky feeding you in the mornings. But it slowly progressed from that. He was always making sure that you’ve eaten your three meals a day, no if, ands or buts. You were an Avenger after all so of course you needed to eat to stay healthy with all the missions and training you go through. Bucky noticed the pudge on your belly coming back way before you did.

“Love, what is this movie even about? I’m so confused.” The smile in his voice was impossible to miss. With him against the headboard and your back resting against his chest, you couldn’t see his face. Whatever explanation you gave, Bucky didn’t hear a word of it. As you repositioned in his lap, you sat up, just a bit, but his hands on your stomach felt it, the small bit of fat soft and warm in his hands. 

To this day you have no idea why Bucky stripped off both of your clothes and pounded you for hours, but he did, and that little bit of soft flesh made him go a little crazy.

During this time you didn’t even realize that you were gaining your weight back because for the first time since you met your last boyfriend, you had so much more energy. You didn’t need extra naps throughout the day, or feel dead tired after doing absolutely nothing. Now, your body had enough nutrients to function properly, the hump of your belly was there because you were healthy. You’ve had it all your life, nothing getting rid of it. To you it made you feel like you were fat, but to Bucky, oh, it showed him that you were a strong, healthy woman.

Everyday after training, you would boast to him about how much better you’ve been doing in training, claiming Natasha said so. Of course you have always been a very capable agent, but now that you had enough fuel to support the vigorous Avenger training, you’ve been doing better than ever, and Bucky couldn’t have been more proud; however, it all came to a head when you finally caught on to your weight gain.

Fresh out of the shower, you head over to your closet. It was no special occasion but Bucky being the perfect boyfriend that he is, wanted to take you out on a date, just because. After finding Bucky’s favorite pair of lingerie and putting them on, you huff. You don’t remember the bottoms feeling so tight. You passed it off however, thinking that maybe you did something to them in the wash.

But what you couldn’t ignore was how your favorite dress wasn’t fitting. It took way too much wiggling to get it past your hips and waist. What really set you off though, was that you couldn’t zip it. Already too tight on you before zipping, now you couldn’t get the damn thing to move more than an inch. Looking in the mirror you found the reason why the zipper refused to move. The small pocket of fat on your tummy that you thought you got rid of, was back, and larger than it ever was. 

Turning to the side, you saw just how much it was coming out. You could’ve sworn you were a few months pregnant. How could you have missed this? It took a while, but you got the dress off so you could investigate the fat on your stomach. Gasping, you tried to suck in, in the hope that it would disappear. It didn’t.

Tears sprung in your eyes. How could Bucky find this attractive? Why hasn’t he said anything about this? How could you let yourself go like this? All these horrible thoughts raced through your head, before you heard Bucky’s sweet voice through the door asking if you were ready.

All of those little moments lead you to where you are now, standing in front of your mirror crying, while Bucky patiently waits on the other side of the door, thinking all is right with the world, as yours is falling apart right before your eyes. Before you can hide yourself, Bucky opens the door. Immediately, you move to cover yourself up, disgusted with the shape of your body hoping that he doesn’t look at what you can’t cover. Bucky, however, looks directly into your eyes first, seeing the pain and tears.

In two steps he reaches you and his strong arms envelop you, hands running up and down your back. “Love, what’s wrong?” You only bury your face in his chest further. He walks back to the bed, pulling you in his lap as he sits. Your naked body pressed up against his fully clothed one. Bucky’s right palm slides down your back and he tries to squeeze your waist when you jerk away from him.

“No! Don’t touch me there!” Bucky feels his heart crack in his chest at your repulsion, not understanding why you don’t want him to touch your waist. He doesn’t let you leave his lap however, keeping you in place.

“Why, Love? What did I do?” 

“You didn’t do anything. Look at my stomach, Buck!” You bite back another sob when he does, confusion written all over his face, not understanding what you’re trying to convey. “It’s FAT!” You all but scream, failing at trying to escape when his arms pull you down once again.

“Love…” He gets cut off by another sob falling from your lips. Instead of trying to talk you down, Bucky brings your lips to his and keeps your head in place. The only movement is the wobble of your lower lip as you try to contain your sobs. 

A few minutes pass by before Bucky can’t stand it anymore, and he tilts your head and moves his lips. The kiss tastes of your tears but neither of you care. Clawing at his back, you try to get closer to him, wanting him to consume you. 

When his hands trail down your sides, you pull away. Strong arms spin you around, naked back to clothed chest. The warm palm of his right hand forces you to look at yourself in the mirror.

“Buc..”

“No, Love. Look at how fucking sexy you are.” With his right hand still holding your chin, his left trails down your body, stopping over the swell of your tummy. “So goddamn pretty, you know that?” He whispers in your ear, kissing down your neck, cock twitching under your ass.

He spreads his legs, forcing yours to open as well and he groans deep and long at the sight of your pussy. “God, Love, don’t you see how pretty you are, so soft and strong and all mine.” You try to pull away, the feeling of looking at yourself too much, but Bucky’s strong hands don’t let you move an inch. “Feel what you do to me? Feel how hard my cock is?”

 It’s too much, all of it. His praise, his touch, the sight of you. More tears well in your eyes and a pitiful whine leaves you. “Can’t, Bucky. I-I…” You have to close your eyes; you can't look at yourself any longer.

“Shhh, Love, you can, baby. Let Daddy take care of you. Let him show you how pretty you are. Open your eyes for Daddy.” At his request, you open your eyes, only to find his already on you. With tears still pouring from your eyes, Bucky wipes them away before laying you down on your back. 

If there was anyone who knew your limits better than yourself, it was Bucky. He knows that having you look at yourself right now would only do more harm than good, but showing you how much he loves you is a whole different story. Before laying down with you, Bucky takes his clothes off, needing to feel you against his bare skin. “I love you so fucking much, you know that? Never met a stronger,” Bucky plants a kiss on your cheek, “more beautiful,” another kiss, “smarter, sweeter, perfect woman in all my life.” 

With each kiss you can't tell if your erratic heart is slowing down or speeding up. This is such a foreign feeling for you, such unbridled love. Your head falls deeper into the pillows, Bucky’s scent enveloping all your senses, and you can’t think properly, your brain feeling fuzzy at the heedy stare Bucky is giving you.

“Daddy, I don’t, I can’t.” You don’t even know what you are trying to say, words no longer coming to you, but Bucky does, he always knows what you need.

“I know, Love. You just need Daddy to make you feel better, make you see how perfect you are for him.” Wrapping his arms around your back, he pulls you in closer to him, both of you gasping when his hard cock presses up against your naked core. Without thought, you grind your hips up, chasing the friction of his silky skin.

“All those tears, and all you wanted was Daddy’s cock, huh? Just want Daddy to fuck you dumb, turn that little brain off for you? Don’t worry, Love, Daddy’ll take care of you.” You wrap your arms and legs around him, pulling him closer, not leaving any space between the two of you, the hard planes of his abdomen pressed against the soft swell of yours.

Bucky doesn’t wait for you to beg, he can’t, not now, he needs to be inside of you, lining himself up, he pushes in, inch by perfect inch.”Shit, Love, you feel how perfect you are for me?”

Your lips part, letting a breathy whine out. Bucky doesn’t wait, slowly pulling out until only his plush tip is still inside, just to roll his hips back in. “Fuck. Look at Daddy, look at what you do to him.” It takes everything in your power to open your eyes and look at Bucky, the pleasure almost too much just after one thrust, but when you do, the sight that meets you is glorious. Face flushed, brows drawn together, lips parted, Bucky looked debauched. 

“Good girl, see that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Without warning, Bucky rolls the both of you over, with you on his lap. “Since you listen to Daddy so well, why don’t you ride his cock, let him look at his pretty girl bounce?” This snaps you out of your stupor, there’s no way you’re going to let him see your stomach jiggle.

“Bucky, I can’t, not this way. What about the other way?” You try to turn around, but his left hand grabs your waist while his right lands a harsh slap to your ass causing you to clench around him. 

“Ah, ah, ah, Daddy wants to see your face. You hear me?” Before you can complain again, Bucky thrusts his hips up, hard. You both moan, caught up in the sensation of his cock inside of you. Your hands fly to his chest, trying to balance yourself before you tumble off. Bucky doesn’t let up, thrust after thrust, pounding into your pussy.

“Oh, fuck! Daddy, right there, shit, please!” You don’t know what you’re begging for, just that you don’t want him to stop. The room is filled with the salacious sounds of your combined moans along with the clapclapclap of his thighs meeting your ass.

“So fucking good, Love, you know that? This pussy was made for me. Fucking perfect. Look at this little belly jiggling while I fuck you, shit, gonna make me blow my fucking load early. You’re. So. Fucking. Gorgeous.” Each word was punctuated by a vicious thrust. Ice pours down your spine, in the midst of pleasure you completely forgot why you didn’t want to do this position. He’s fucking staring right at your belly, hands gripping at your extra fat, just watching it ripple with each brutal thrust of his hips.

“Bucky stop, don’t look there, I don’t…” The rest of your sentence gets cut off when Bucky somehow fucks you even harder, effectively making your tummy move more. It’s too much: the feral look in his eyes, the perfect angle of his cock, and his beautiful moans. Despite your best efforts, you feel your orgasm building up. The little coil hidden under the small hump of your belly pulls tighter and tighter, and Bucky can feel it. He can feel your pussy pulsing around him so he moves his hands from your belly to your hips, grinding them against his coarse hairs with sharp thrust.

It pulls tighter and tighter until it snaps, dragging you under, blood roaring through your ears. You vaguely hear Bucky’s voice, “There you go, give it to Daddy. So good for me, soaking my cock. God, I fucking love you.” Bucky stops moving, giving you time to come down from your high. Still gasping for air, you fall down onto his sweaty chest, basking in the afterglow of your orgasm. You’re pulled out of your haze by Bucky. “Think you can give me one more? I think you can.”

He flips you over, back landing on the bed while he throws your legs over his shoulders, effectively causing your stomach to roll up, small pockets of fat pushing out. You whine, not wanting Bucky to see it, but he fucking loves this. Loves the bit of extra fat that has found its way under your chin, the soft flesh around your strong thighs, and the belly that fits perfectly in his hands. He loves it because it proves your healthy, that he’s feeding you well, well enough that you can train to your full potential, have the energy to do what you want to, not always be so tired you don’t want to do the things you love to do, that you aren’t afraid to eat what you want. That’s what he fucking loves, taking care of you and the way your body has changed has absolutely zero affect on his attraction to you. He will always think you are the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.

“Love, you don’t understand how fucking sexy you are, do you? Look at how well we fit together.” He cups the back of your head, making you look at your stomach as he enters you again, making your belly bulge more. “Do you see this, Love? See how pretty you are, and it's all for me, isn’t it?” The adoration in his eyes was almost too much, the swell in your chest threatening to burst as tears welled up in your eyes, feeling his love with every stroke. Bucky wasn’t fucking you anymore, he was making love to you, showing you how much you mean to him. 

Bucky takes one of your hands in his, lacing your fingers together, placing your hand on your tummy, feeling the bulge of his cock underneath your softness. “Daddy, feels so good. Fuck. Love you so much.” Bucky’s hips stutter when you say you love him, it has always been his weakness, the utter devotion and vulnerability that you allow him to experience is something he will never take for granted. Tears were streaming down your face, eyes probably red and puffy. Leaning forward, Bucky places his forehead on yours, eyes locked into yours.

“I know, Love. Can’t even begin to describe how much I love you.” Bucky can feel you getting closer again, pussy clenching around him, hands scrambling to grab onto something: his hair, back, hands, sheets, you can’t decide, the pleasure coursing through you too much. “Give it to me Love, make your Daddy proud and cum on his cock. Know you want to, just let go.” With two more thrusts, your eyes roll back, another orgasm rolling through you. This one shorter than the last, but no less intense. Bucky finds his release right after, burrowing his face into your neck, holding you to him, wanting to be as close as possible. 

It takes a few minutes, but the both of you calm down, hearts returning back to normal. You’re the first to speak, breaking the comfortable silence. “You knew I was gaining weight, didn’t you?” With his softening cock still buried deep inside you, Bucky lifts his head up a small smirk adorning his face. 

“Of course, but this little pudge,” he grabs your tummy and almost kneads it, “is because you’re healthy. You have so much more energy recently, and I fall deeper in love with you every single time I see how fucking happy you are now. You make me so proud to be able to call myself your boyfriend. You're so beautiful and I promise you that I will spend everyday for the rest of my life proving that to you.”

You don’t have any words to respond, so you just wrap your arms around him, breathing in his scent. And of course Bucky keeps true to his promise, and you believe him when he tells you that you are the most beautiful woman because he proves it to you everyday, in and outside of the bedroom.

[b00tyliciousbabe]

munch

bisexualbigboybf! x THICC!male reader

summary: manifesting my future husband

notes: THANKS FOR 1k ppl dem! BEEN IN DRAFTS FOR A WHILE. i think there needs to be some more love + appreciation for bi men and big boys so i amalgamated the two. not a fetish y’all, just a preference, they be taking care of my inner princess and for that i will ALWAYS be grateful. a lot of feminisation in this one so tread carefully. it’s a lil messy (jumps in tenses and stuff like that) but i litch couldn’t focus without getting too excited. ENJOY MY HEARTS.

song rec: normani - big boy (feat. starrah)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅

your big boy bf didn’t think he had a chance with you at first, nor did he even want one. at first he hated you, watching how all the other men in your life were one flirty conversation away from having a piece of your juicy ass, and how the girls envied and coveted your thick hourglass figure. your sweet personality sickened him ; you made sure to give them your gym routine and your diet, being the beauty guru you were. but what he realised, was not that he hated you, but that he hated not having you. when he realised this, he needed you, more than anything.

you embodied a refreshing style of hyper femininity that made you all the more attractive to your bi man. seeing your body in its thick glory made him love himself more. how your belly added to your voluptuous figure, your plump cheeks, and fleshy muscle surrounding your chest and thighs, he was mesmerised by your form. you were, in his eyes, divine. little did he know that you had fallen first; his broad shoulders, strong biceps and pudgy belly practically had you ovulating. your gigantic teddy bear, standing at a foot taller than you, had a heart of gold and this protective aura around him, enamoured you.

when you debuted your relationship online, you were met with a flurry of mainly positive responses. yeah sure there were the odd few denouncing your femininity and body shaming y’all, but you ignored them because you don’t have to convince the world that you’re THEE baddie b and your man is the sexiest mf to ever exist.

luvagoalz: they are literally the embodiment of the wattpad height difference. I NEED.

user222: y/n getting dicked down DAILY by a giant is so girlboss of him.

sza: bestie got himself a big boy - y/n send me the deets for the wedding.

your bf is a huge gym rat and when you two became exclusive, your already voluptuous figure became all the more defined with his help. you were flawless. you love seeing him in the gym, sweating as the veins in his forearms pop out making him look so attractive. he definitely enjoys your company there, teasingly rubbing his bulge against your ass and face when no one was watching. his exhibitionist kink goes crazy seeing how beautifully your workout clothes hug your butt and cinch your waist. he used to be slightly insecure about his stretch marks but after a cool down session, and you complimenting them like lightning bolts imprinted on his skin, he felt superhuman. you always knew what to say to make him feel better.

he’s so protective of you. always sleeps on the side closest to the door and isn’t afraid to send someone to hospital if they even look at you the wrong way, or in a manner he doesn’t like. in his mind he’s seeded you and you’re literally carrying his kids and thus it’s his responsibility to protect you. it’s almost primal. he isn’t controlling or anything, but finds it incredibly important to remind you that with him you are completely safe.

they say the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and boy was that the case during your talking stage. it was perfect; you love to cook and so he’s more than happy to try your baked goods. your boyfriend loves his sleep on the weekends and so in true house husband fashion you often prepare breakfast in an apron with your thick cheeks hanging out from behind. one day he woke up to the sweet smell of you making his favourite. groggily stumbling into the kitchen, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, long dick swinging out of his briefs as he advanced towards you.

‘good morning love.’ his deep voice sent shivers down your spine as he kissed the words into your neck. he held onto the groove of your hips, caressing your lower back with the tip of his index finger and watched as you writhed beneath him. ‘babe, what are you doing up? you need your sleep, you’ve been working so hard lately.’ you said, breathing haphazardly as he ground himself into you. ‘i missed you. and i want my morning kisses.’ beginning to untie your apron he turned you around, and removed the lace from around your neck. hiking you up on the table top, the heat of your bare ass, that his dick previous massaged into you, was cooled by the granite. you wrapped your legs around him, as your hands stroked his beard. wiping that shit eating grub off of his face, your lips came closer to his own, as you could feel his heartbeat in his throat - this man is so in love with you. the kiss lasted quite a while, precum staining the opening of his boxers and pooling on your thighs. you knew that you were about to be fucked dumb and so you turned of the hob to avoid burning the house down. the fire inside y’all was more than enough to keep you going.

your man doesn’t fully realise his own strength. he was very hesitant to have sex with you for a while and mostly stopped at groping you before his dick got too hard to ignore. so, for your first time, he had to refrain literally ripping your clothes to get to the prize of your nudity. he absolutely loves seeing you (try to) deepthroat. the reason? his size kink goes insane when you attempt to take his gigantic package. this man is LONG and GIRTHY, capable of splitting you in half and abusing all your spots with ease. the veiny sausage he’s packing could do some serious damage but he held back when it came to your first couple times with him.

he always takes time to ensure that your safe and comfortable. initially his size intimidated you, your mannerisms connoting your subtle anxiety. he kissed the fear out of you, reassuringly saying, ‘you know I would never do anything to hurt you.’

your boyfriend is the KING of consent, always ensuring that you want his big cock just as much as he wants to feel the warmth of your boy pussy. one day whilst he was working from home, he noticed you squirming like an omega in heat. he sighed and smirked. ‘d’you want me to fuck you?’ he burst out. already used to his blunt disposition, you nodded. advancing closer towards you, staring down at the desperation in your face, he stroked your hair. ‘use your words y/n, i wanna hear how badly you want it.’ his charisma practically had you high. ‘I need you, please.’ you began to undo the string that held up his joggers, as he removed his tshirt. ‘i can never say no to my baby boy.’ he smiled, pants bunching at his ankles as he slowly railed on the edge of your shared bed.

he encourages you to take him fully each time, praising you because no one else had been able to take him past halfway. ‘i know baby, i know, do it one more time for me.’ he said endearingly, wiping the tears from your face as his dick invaded your throat.‘THERE IT ISSS UGH FUCK! i love your mouth.’ he cooed.

equally, your bf is the only man you’ve been with that’s been able to satisfy you sexually. you steered clear from all the men who were only interested in your body and not your heart and so you had very minimal experience outside of toys and your hands. the few you may or may not have been with were damn near clueless. on the other hand…your man has had plenty of hoe phases. it sly bugged you how he’d been intimate with a greater number you could’ve imagined but all that disappeared when he first made love to you. the best thing about him is that he can handle allat that ass. despite the clear size difference this doesn’t stop you from being a FREAK. He even encourages it. loving your thick globes of ass flesh kiss his lower belly as you push back and twerk all over his dick. his favourite part of your shape are your hips. he wants to breed you full of his children.

whenever he says ‘fuck yeah baby, back that shit up.’ it sends you orbital. it’s well known that the two of you share a huge affinity for doggy. the way you stroke his pudginess while he rails you in that position has become a safety mechanism - one that he has learnt to make the experience all the more enjoyable. with one hand holding you up (realistically struggling to, under the sheer passion of his fucking) and the other one bent behind your back fingering his belly button. his huge dick borderline tears you open and by grabbing onto him makes you feel safe. he usually recognises that it’s getting a bit too much when your moans become screams, and you get tighter. and as much as he loves seeing you overstimulated and fucked out on his cock, he doesn’t wanna break you (completely). so he slows down, soothing your pain with sweet nothings and his large hands massaging your ass cheeks.

for him personally though, he loves to smush you underneath his weight. in prone bone, he has direct access to your ear, whispering words of affirmation but degrading you with the grip of his arms around your neck. his beard hair softly touching your cheek, causing a wave of bliss to hit you, always gets him going. he knows you love hearing him praise you; his grunts are so delectable, a symphony with the percussion of him clapping tf outta your cheeks. as you whine like a lil bitch, they become guttural, like an alpha in his rut. the carnal passion of your heavier and rougher sessions reveal a callous side to his possessive nature. dangerous how much it turns you on.

words can’t really describe how much you love his stomach, happy trail adorning his belly, and riding him offers you the opportunity to see allat that on a platter. his smirk as he tries to contain his excitement that your his and only his.

on the topic of eye contact, you’re favourite mutual position is definitely missionary - your bf adores every inch of you. how your body becomes compliant. your hole crafted to take his big dick. the way it pierces through the walls of your pussy, massaging your gumminess. he sometimes drools from how lost he can be in the experience. ‘take my cock, yhhh baby, fuckkkk.’

slowing down his jack hammering pace, he’d lean forward with his low hanging balls rutting into you agonizingly slow.

‘you like that shit, huh baby? yeah? loving on my dick so well.’ whispering as he begins to mark your collarbone. then moving upwards onto your neck, massaging your previously pummeled throat as you looked up, desperate to kiss him. he exhales into your mouth, breathing life into you that he had taken away with his hard thrusts. his softness escaped as quickly as it arose, thrusting his entire load into you.

‘shit’ you scream as he laughs hoarsely, the rasp in his voice a melting honey.

in the same position, you love his cum face. something about how his eye and nose scrunch as he pants and grunt deeply. his beard ticking your chin. it also allows him to be vulnerable with you. he would hold your head cradling it with an affection rivalled only by how sweetly his tip kisses your prostate with each lengthy thrust. when he first enters, he’s checking to see if your okay, if you want more lube. you say no. legs just above his hips, you bring your hand to stroke his beard as he concentrates on directing his dick in a way that doesn’t make him cum immediately upon re entry.

‘i love you.’ you say getting all emotional from how well he’s treating you. ‘I love you too y/n.’ he leans down for more kisses as your hand now snakes around the back of his head.

he stops, letting you catch your breath, playing with your hair and caressing your face lovingly. your arms drop immediately at the warmth of his touch. he lifts and cradles your head, a delicacy opposing his rough demeanour.

‘I fucking love you,’ your bf grunts, placing forehead kisses, panting, as he starts moving faster. your legs now wrapped tightly around his abdomen like a vice. he plants both hands behind your head, balling his fists at either side of your head to create the perfect foundation to fuck you hard. brings one of his hands to cradle your hair and to bring your head closer to his. your temples meet ensuring that you’re so close and intimate. the man brings his body up, still inside you, collects your legs together, one leg on each shoulder holding onto the thick flesh of your upper thighs, allowing you to adjust, before toppling over onto you again to get deeper inside your pussy. later, moving his hands up to behind your knees, his rugged fingertips grip the flesh of your hamstrings.

your boyfriend brings his fingers up to stroke your cheeks and remove the hair sticking to your face. he’s growling at his need to go ham, but he exercises self-control as a means to take care of you. however, what he doesn’t realise is that his painfully slow strokes transport you to a utopia of bodily ecstasy.

he ABSOLUTELY loves seeing the imprint of his girthy cock in your stomach, pressing down on it to add to your respective pleasures. and when you both reach the top of the mountain, the visual of you being completely fucked out on his huge pole, as it protrudes through your stomach which is now decorated with your own personal release, makes him wanna rail you again. and again. until you pass out or his dick becomes limp. the latter would never happen because wherever you are, that cocks gonna be UP.

aftercare is so underrated with him. in his past relationships, it was usually a hit and quit it situation - his words not mine. thus he didn’t really know what to do at first. he’s so used to hookup culture, that he never bothered. but with you, he knew he had to change; one, because he knew you’d never let him near you again if he didn’t take care of you, but mainly two, because you were his and he had a responsibility to cherish you. considering you literally couldn’t walk and body was limp, your man needed to ensure you were taken care of. though he always reassures you, you make sure to do the same. the first time you spooned him he slept like a baby. BIG BOYS NEED CUDDLES TOO Y’ALL.

he gets really apologetic, constantly asking ‘did I go to rough.’ as he massages the bruises on your hips. sometimes feels guilty that he fucks you too hard. You put his mind at ease telling him that you do like it. your bubble butt and tight hole were made to take his cock.

this still doesn’t stop him from confessing to you; ‘baby, I’m so sorry.’ he kisses your skin. ‘when I see that ass if yours jiggle, it drives me crazy, I just can’t stop.’ it often leads to him overcompensating. as the his cum seeps out of your obliterated cunt. he just wants to make you feel safe. the same safety he feels when he’s with you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅

tag list:

@gayaristocrat

@ghostking4m

@lysanderplume

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 4

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

We didn’t do hot Glenn summer for him to LOSE. Spoilers for his story but MORE PROPAGANDA FOR YOU:

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Listen, I don't know this other character but I've seem some good arguments for her However Consider Glenn Close winning through no effort of his own in a bullshit way despite being a dick is the most in character thing ever. He leveled up three times and got a crab mech, we GOT to give him this win, it's fitting

I don’t regulate if minors follow me or not bc I’m a pretty chill space but I hope the world is aware that’s the only reason I haven’t been downright nasty about Glenn close. I’m down bad. I’m NOT in the boat of ‘Glenn isn’t sexy but I want him to win bc it’s my fandom’. I would estimate I have 200+ drawings of Glenn on my phone that AREN’T safe for work. Way more that are. Where did they come from? That’s MY business. But I tell you this fact to assure you- Glenn IS sexy. I’m not voting to represent my fandom I’m voting out of TRUTH AND LOVE. IF YOU DON’T GET IT YOU DON’T GET IT!!! I just think my level of feral over this man is more powerful than y’all realize. If you don’t get his sex appeal that’s okay, but don’t doubt that this is my truth.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. Do you think pickman needs this to feel good about herself? Can she not accept a loss for the sake of a pathetic father? Can she shake hands with the minivan fucker and his human gun and just take the L on this one? He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance):

Is somehow the hot twin between her and Taako

Lup Bluejeans (née... Taaco? Tacco? Taco? Tako? who tf knows this is why I'm going with her husband's last name. doylistly she gets her last name from her brother whose last name is given as "Taako again but spelled differently"): Hot, funny, smart and undead. Is there anything else you could want in a woman?? Well, in case there is: she's also canonically trans

LUP IS THE HOTTEST. VOTE LUP.

[kishdoodles]

All the assets me and Brynn (@brynnticus​) did for @mcytblrsexymen​! (Final piece here!) Yay yippee these were rly fun to do!! They have since been tweaked a bit in the final, and I have quite a bit of commentary for each of them but I’m gonna leave that in the read more. Other than that, it’s been an honour bringing a lot of these guys to life!!!

My general rule for drawing these was they had to look the. sexiest man they could if it makes sense. so a lot of the decision making I had making these followed somewhat on that line.

Why doc looks so different from all the other was cuz I just let Brynn do his thing ^_^ I wanted to let him experiment w his colouring and I think it turned out rly good!! I like it a lot . banger forms n all dat

I got the opportunity to draw oli sausage and eddie so naturally I wanted all of them to interact in some way!! Sausage and Oli’s joint illustration was very spur of the moment but I’m really happy I went with it!!! I HAD to draw Rat!Oli you hear me. The man chose that skin himself HE SHOULD GET WHAT HE ASKED FOR!!!!!!!!! Anyways my Eddie drawing also goes out to every Eddie stan. I love u guys <3 tho I naturally just chose to draw him as he was in the sausage backstory LOL

CPK... you were so troublesome I was so conflicted on how to present him.. I ended up w a fox guy ... im sorry man I’m taking every opportunity to draw any non-humans. do understand.

Aimsey I love u and Owen I also love u. I debated how to draw these guys back n forth but I just winged it from there honestly

Ashswag... I had this ashswag design cooking but I’ve never employed it ever ever!!! So when this came along I was like FINALLY!!! MY SEXYMAN ASHSWAG CAN MANIFEST and so it did. I would’ve gone for my TV head ashswag but I want 2 respect what a lot of ash artists put down. Yall didnt make him the sexiest sexy man ever for nothing. Respect ! Still put my own twists on him though ^_^

Clown is just clown. shoutout to every clownpierce stan yall the real ones

[emwheezie]

Who are you choosing if my characters were in a dating sim?

Lennon:

Gremlin mode

Daddy issues

Bad hair

Musical/Creative genius. Perfect pitch

Ambitious

Doesn't shower

Ate a lasagna once

Doesn't know how to use his words

Fights drywall

Movie watcher

Chicken addiction

Street smart

Closeted Weezer fan

Dunkin Donuts

Shoes on the bed

Green Day

Might be silly

Goes up the stairs on all fours

Stressed/depressed/poorly dressed

PBC singer and lead guitar

----------------------------------------------

Tony:

Purple

Crazy driver

:3

Mall pretzels

Catholic school survivor

Emotionally smart/book smart

Stressed/depressed/dressed to impress

Afraid of getting old/ugly

Wants to fight the MBTA

Might be delusional

throws up from anxiety

Redbull and Taco Bell

Loves dogs

Green Day

Poetic

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Theo

Bisexual

Lactose intolerant

Finds meaning in everything

Always in a relationship

PBC bassist and "manager"

----------------------------------------------

Enzo:

Evil

Might have killed a man

Man Bun

Posts on DeviantART

Loves dragons

whispers and shakes

Future tattoo artist

Movie connoisseur

Might be a furry...?

LOVES the Saw movie franchise

Protective and loyal

Street smart

Stays up all night in the dark

In an online relationship

Does what he wants

Doesn't waste time

Sparkling water enjoyer

Tea drinker

Never listened to a music in his life

Guitarist in a band (PBC)

----------------------------------------------

Theo:

From New Hampshire

Asexual

Golden retriever personality 

Grew up with 8 siblings

Joined the military after High School

Eats Oatmeal?

Doesn't wear a seatbelt

Outdoorsy/hiking adventures

Works at a club/bar with his wife, Gia

Is a cinnamon roll

Emotionally smart

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Tony

Calls music his "funky jams"

Forgets his shoes

Mtn Dew

Forgetful

Kidney Stones

His appendix exploded once

PBC drummer

---------------------------------------------

Park:

Loves alcohol

Hates the government

Hates the IRS

Has never paid taxes

No sense of personal space/very touchy

LOUD

Climbs things

Grilled cheese enthusiast  

Dunkin Donuts manager

Aliens are 4 realz

loves video games

Wicked smart

Goes to MIT for like space engineering or something idk

Makes monkey noises

"I have to be both the sexiest and most mentally challenged person in the room at all times"

Obsessed with skin walkers

Conspiracy theories

----------------------------------------------

Oli:

Photography/cinematography 

Graphic design

Urban Explorer

Abandoned things

Summer time vibes

Lives in sleeveless shirts

Black coffee drinker

health freak/gym rat

Smokes cigarettes (hey we all have our vices)

Secretly gay

Chronic complainer

Works at zumies

Does graffiti 

Runs from his problems

Travels for work

Drives a modded Subaru

----------------------------------------------

Alyssa:

Preforms unethical experiments in the sims 3

Loves cows

So many many plushies there's no room for her in the bed

weezer fan

Talks a lot

Lots of keychains/charms

Maximalism!

Assertive

Good listener

Workaholic 

HAS to be the BEST at anything she does

----------------------------------------------

Rosie

Grew up with strict parents

Working too many hours at Dunkin Donuts

Former ballet/dancer

Likes to bake and really good at it!

Compulsive liar

"I have a twin sister who goes to another school"

Gets jealous easily

Body image problems/eating disorders :(

Emotionally Immature 

Spider eyelashes

A nose ring is "rebelling from my parents"

Currently in college

Afraid of change

Emotional support eldest daughter

Loves to sing

[slashers-and-rats]

sleeping beauty.

billy lenz x gn!reader | nsfw | con!noncon, somnophilia, thigh fucking

a/n: in this, there’s pre-established kink rules, such as when he can and cannot fuck you while you sleep, but i explain it anyways. just letting you know.

billy was quiet. he was a looming figure in the dark, casting a long shadow over where you laid in bed, the shape stretching across your sleeping form.

billy hadn’t been feeling too good. he had been cooped up in the attic. he didn’t usually sleep there anymore. you had been so kind to him, so soft and caring. you provided him his own bed, his own blankets, his own space to be himself downstairs with the rest of society. the house was big enough for the two of you. you had spare rooms, you had extra food, you had everything billy needed to be a “normal” person. but he wasn’t. he still had days where he crept back up into the attic, hiding away like a rat, scratching at the floorboards and watching you through holes like he used to. he liked the dark, he liked being isolated, he liked being able to tear at his skin and writhe on the floor and spit the most vile words in the comfort of his own… home? room? floor? whatever the attic was to him.

but at some point, he needed to slink his way back down that ladder, he always did. and he always found himself back here, back in your presence.

billy stared at you. you were so unlike him. you were smooth, sweet, soft and plump. like a marshmallow. he reached down, pressing his fingers into the surface of your skin, and watching the indents form. the way his fingertips sunk down against your flesh, it made him feel like he could keep pushing and you’d consume him. he’d love it. he wished he could crawl into your body and stay there, safe and sound inside of your rib cage, right next to your heart. he’d listen to the beating to lull himself to sleep. usually that’s what he did. usually he fell asleep right next to you, skipping over his own bed out of preference for laying with you and cuddling against your chest, listening to the thumping of your heartbeat. today was different.

you shifted in your sleep, rolling over slightly so that your front was more exposed to his prying eyes. billy licked his lips, running his fingers down your arm and over all the hills and valleys of your body. he was hunched over you now, drool dripping down his chin and threatening to land on you. he almost worried that if it did, it would sizzle against your warm skin. he was so cold, and you were so hot. it almost burned to touch you. but it felt so good.

“s-sleeping… sleeping beauty…” he rasped out. he stepped up, until his knees were pressed to the edge of the bed, and grabbed the blanket resting over your bottom half. he was slow as he pulled it down, almost teasing himself. his hands shook as more and more of your skin was exposed. your tummy, then your hips, then your thighs… he followed the blanket with his eyes until there was nothing left covering you. except, your clothes, of course. you had fallen asleep in a baggy old shirt, and some nice panties with a little lace. no pants, he noted, which was good for him. you both had a rule; if billy was rowdy at night and needed you, and you weren’t wearing any pyjama bottoms, he was allowed to play. if you had been, he’d have been barred from touching your delectable form. but you weren’t, so he didn’t have to think of such horrible circumstances.

his fingers darted back up to hook a finger under your waistband, licking his lips hungrily yet again. you didn’t move. you breathed slow and steady, so innocently unaware of the need you instilled in this man. he felt dirty, like a filthy pervert, like he was doing something wrong- but he wasn’t. because you loved it. you wouldn’t have made the rule if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have made sure to wear the sexiest little pair of underwear and expose so much if you didn’t want to tempt him just a little. and it worked.

he leaned down, running his cold hands over your stomach, pushing the fabric of your shirt up so he could reach further up to your chest. his cheek pressed down into your hip, and he groped what he could, a soft moan coming from him. he felt so naughty. the fact he was rock hard against his jeans, just from barely touching you, made him feel like a little slut. he might’ve called you that a lot, hissing it through his teeth and spitting it at you without much control, but it was all a deflection. he was a whore. a whore for you.

he got lost in your scent. it felt like his head was swimming. he pressed his face further into your flesh, moaning out again as he moved to grind against his free palm. now with one hand groping your chest, and the other wrapped around his clothed bulge, he licked at your skin. it made a groan fall past his teeth, and he grazed them over you. he couldn’t help his noises. you felt like a pillow. you felt like everything he had ever wanted. he pressed his teeth down into your hip, and he couldn’t stop the sounds from spilling out of his throat.

there he was now, rutting like a dog against his own hand, licking and biting over any expanse of skin of yours he could find, and letting out guttural and coarse moans into the silent room. and you barely stirred. with every bite, you twitched slightly, and when he rubbed his cheek against the wet spot he created, you would shift slightly as if being moved, but you didn’t wake. he wondered what you dreamed of. he wanted it to be him. he wanted you to be thinking of only him, because that’s what he did. that’s all he ever thought about, and it drove him crazy.

he slid his face down to one of your thighs, pressing into the cushiony flesh there, muffling his groaning and gurgling. his tongue licked a long stripe up towards your sex, and he whimpered when he felt you shudder against him. your legs fell open more. he could barely take it. the way you opened up for him, spread for him, revealed yourself to him as if you were some budding flower. it rocked him. his cock twitched in his pants. it ached. he couldn’t take much more. your skin was so intoxicating. you were the only one who let him touch you, let him explore you, and it was overwhelming.

he gathered himself up, standing back to his hunched position. his breath was heavy and hot, panting, and spit ran down his lips and chin from where he had been mouthing along your body. you looked so pretty in the moonlight.

he reached down, fumbling to take himself out of his jeans. he walked around to the other side of the bed, crawling in behind you while he held his cock in his hand. he laid down right behind you. his chest was against your back, his arms wrapped around your middle so that he could grab at your chest, and his face found its way into the crook of your neck. he breathed in deep. he wanted to be surrounded by you. he was as close as he could get like this, and yet he still wanted to be closer.

he started by rubbing himself against your butt. the fabric of your panties felt surprisingly smooth against his shaft. he whimpered quietly into your shoulder, muttering soft words into your ear. “sleeping beauty… sleeping slut… my slut, all mine… so sweet… feel billy’s cock…? feel it? s’hard… hard for you… hard for billy’s slut… can’t help it…” billy mumbled all this as he began a steady pace against you. he moaned low, open mouth finding your neck again, and sucking on it gently. you stirred a bit, letting out the softest of moans in your sleep. it made him shake. he wanted to hear more of you. he wanted to corrupt whatever sweet dreams you were having, and replace them with the same filthy wants he had.

his hands ran over your front, groping and squeezing what he could find. your chest, your stomach, your thighs, your crotch. he grabbed as much as he could, as if it was going to disappear if he didn’t. and all the while, his hips pressed into yours in a steady rhythm, humping you from behind like the dirty boy he was. his hot breath hit your neck, and muffled obscenities spilled out against the side of your throat.

“piggy… p-piggy, billy needs you… billy needs you so bad… so filthy, such a filthy billy… such a clean piggy… sleeping piggy… sleeping beauty… please, please, please…” he had learned please usually got him what he wanted, that’s something you had made sure to teach him. it wouldn’t work much now, while you were asleep and unaware, but he tried. the words came out like a chant, always keeping in line with the thrusting of his hips. at some point, they stuttered, and his cock managed to slip in between your thighs and press up against your warmth. it made him mewl, his body curling even further around your own as he paused his movements.

he was panting. his hair was a mess, his hands gripping hard at your torso to keep him grounded. he pulled his face away from you, a string of drool connecting the hickeys on your neck to his mouth, like some sick form of evidence. he licked at his lips and stared down at you, still asleep. he leaned down and licked over your cheek affectionately. he needed more. just a little more, and then he’d leave you be.

with this new position, he began to slide his cock in and out of your thighs. the few tentative movements made his body quake. his hands squeezed into your flesh again, his eyes squeezing shut to focus on the immense pleasure he was getting. he was so sensitive, torturing himself in that attic for the past few days, starving himself of your touch. so even though all he was doing was fucking your thighs, and rubbing his tip up against your panties and over your heat, it felt as though he was fucking heaven itself. it made him squirm, his groans and grumbles spilling out without thought. it was like breathing to him right now. he gasped and rocked his hips, trying to push deeper into that pillowy feeling you were providing him. even while you slept, you were so good to him. so good.

his body had found its way against you again. he wrapped around you, his legs tangling with your own, his chest heaving against your back. his mouth found your jaw and your neck, and he gave sloppy kisses to each spot. his hands rested on your waist, gently moving your hips back into him every once in awhile, just to provide that extra bit of leverage.

he breathed deep, breathed in you, and it made him moan long and low. “p-piggy… piggy slut… take my cock, take it. take it. my good sleeping slut. you need it… i need it… billy needs you, he needs you… please… so close, so close… billy’s close…” he pushed out, his hips getting faster.

he came with a wheeze, his thrusts turning into harsh snaps against you. ropes of hot cum spilled over your underwear and thighs while he milked every last drop out of himself. he felt like he was on fire, and every bit of his skin touching yours was burning hotter and hotter. he pulled his body away fully, having to lay against the bed away from you for a moment to catch his breath. his dick softened against his stomach, his eyes fluttering as he laid in the glow of it all. you were so perfect to him. such a good slut for him. he let his breathing steady before sitting up and surveying the damage he had caused.

sure, your thighs were a mess, but… he liked how it looked. the white contrasted your skin so nicely. it was like an accessory. you liked those, he thought. so he left it. instead of cleaning you with his tongue like he usually would, he opted for stripping himself down into his own usual sleep wear, his boxers and nothing else, and he spooned you yet again. this time more innocent, as if you were a teddy bear he couldn’t bear to part with. he drifted off so easily, satiated for the night.

when you woke up the next morning to his soft breathing, the now cold mess against your legs, and the bruises littering your middle and neck, you were a little confused. you wondered how you managed to be such a heavy sleeper sometimes, and were slightly disappointed with missing out on the fun you knew billy had had, but… something in you felt good. good to know he was back with you, and good to know he had found some relief. you’d use this as an excuse to shower with him later anyways, and you’d get your pleasure when that time came. but for now, you stored that thought away, and just enjoyed billy being with you.

you rolled over so you faced him, not caring about the mess down below spreading onto him, as you nuzzled into his chest. you peeked up through your eyelashes, seeing his content expression, and sighed. he looked so pretty, like that.

just like sleeping beauty, you thought.

[wehangout]

I'm going through my 5.3k likes and found this that @gallawitchxx tagged me in on March 12th 2023. So I'm almost a year and a half late, but it looks fun and I'm gonna do it.

rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics/chapters posted on AO3 (if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics) and try to draw some conclusions.

You stare at the clock on the dash as it flicks over from 9.57am to 9.58am. (Tequila Sunrise)

“Damn.” (Can't Fight Cupid)

He should have been brought in days ago. (The Prison Chick)

This is not how your night was supposed to go. (Five. Four. Three.)

“You okay, boss?” Iggy asks, and you roll your eyes. (PEOPLE's Sexiest Man Alive)

Monica always had a thing about this place. (Penny for Your Thoughts)

“Listen.” She’s got her serious face on, and even her voice is set, but it’s hard to take anything about her seriously when she’s wearing six-inch heels and a dress so short it cannot be appropriate for an office party. “Are you listening, shithead?” (Hey, How's it Goin'?)

No one knows for sure how it started. (Of Monsters and Men)

“Hey.” (2 Fast, 2 Furious, 2 Frisky)

You have a love/hate relationship with Thursdays. (Suncatcher)

Conclusion: I clearly like short, sharp first sentences lmao. Even number 7, I just didn't want too many that were one word of dialogue lmao.

Gonna tag a bunch of you because this was from ages ago so you can either do it again or do it with new fics!

@palepinkgoat @the-rat-wins @energievie @francesrose3

@suzy-queued @celestialmickey @jrooc @blue-disco-lights

@thepupperino @michellemisfit @catgrassplantdad @bawlbrayker

[amspams]

Reassurance

TW: Swearing

Tiffany looked down at her plate. Then she looked at Chucky's. She knew he didn't eat much, but seeing the amount of food in front of her compared to what he had on his own plate made her unhappy.

"Are you not hungry?" She asked.

Chucky tilted his head.

"What'dya mean?"

"Forget it."

She sat in silence and watched him eat. She didn't dare touch her food now. After all, a proper lady shouldn't eat more than a man. Or atleast that's what her mother used to say.

Chucky noticed her eyes on him. "You good?"

"Sure," she replied.

"Alright."

Tiffany looked down at her belly. She felt that she'd gained weight. But Tiffany knew better than to listen to some numbers on a scale. They were only numbers after all... So why did she feel so bad? She didn't want to be considered a glutton, or worse; fat.

Tiffany pushed her plate aside and stood up, fighting back the tears welling up in her dark brown eyes.

Chucky looked up at her. "What's goin' on, babe?"

"Nothing."

"Huh? You sure?"

"I'm fine."

But she was not. She was crying, and Chucky could see that. But he did not know how to comfort her. Especially when she wouldn't tell him what was wrong.

"No you aren't, Tiff. You're crying."

"Shut up!" She yelled. "Since when do you care about how I feel? I bet you think I'm fat, too."

Chucky frowned. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"

Chucky genuinely did not know why she was acting up, or why she woud think he thought that way. In his eyes she was the sexiest woman alive. He wouldn't be there with her if he didn't think highly of her. He wasn't like that.

"Stop pretending like you don't know."

"Know what? And why are you leavin'? Sit down and eat. We'll talk about it," Chucky said.

"No, I'm not eating," cried Tiffany. "You don't get it, you never do!"

Chucky tensed up. "Why you-"

He stopped himself from saying something that would hurt her even more.

Instead, Chucky tried to take a different approach. "Listen uh- is it something I said?"

"No!" She said, then paused. "No. I'm sorry. This isn't your fault, I didn't mean to-"

"Then tell me what's wrong."

Tiffany sobbed.

"Fine. I've gained in weight."

There was a moment of silence.

"And?

"And what? There's no 'and'. I've gotten fat," said Tiffany.

"No you haven't."

"I literally weigh more than you."

"So?"

"So? Is that all you have to say!?"

"Well yeah, I dunno what you want me to tell ya."

Tiffany glared at him.

"What, you insecure or somethin'?" He asked.

"A woman isn't supposed to weigh more than a man!" Complained Tiffany.

"Said who?"

"Biology!"

"Doesn't work like that."

"Yes it does."

"No, it doesn't. Besides, you ain't got nothin' to worry about," he said, his eyes settling on her chest. "That weight's goin' to all the right places."

"... So it doesn't bother you?" She asked.

"Nope."

"But I eat more than you."

"Yup."

"But my mother said that it isn't feminine for a woman to-"

Chucky interrupted her. "Do I give a rat's ass about what your mother has to say?"

"Well-"

"Is the bitch payin' your bills?"

"No?"

"Is she cookin' you food or takin' care of you when you're sick?"

"No, she's-"

"She's doin' your laundry then?"

"No, she's dead. But-"

"Alright then. Why does it matter?"

Tiffany was speechless for a good moment.

"It doesn't, I just-" Tiffany paused, then started to cry again. "God I love you so much. You're so smart, and I'm so lucky to have you!"

Tiffany embraced him. "You're the best."

"I know."

[thecinematicwriter]

High School Pricks

Jack Hughes x Plus size,chubby!reader

Summary: You were at the restaurant with your fiancé, Jack, when some dumb boys from your high school decided to make you feel bad. Jack wouldn't let it pass though.

Sneek peak: "Yes. If you got a problem with that, leave and let me enjoy my food. And If you don't have a problem with that, do the same thing because I am on a date, like I said before, and we are trying to enjoy a peaceful dining. Thank you."

A/N: Hey y'all! I hope you guys are staying hydrated! I will write on a lot of people, but "sports dudes" are my soft spot so I hope you guys are ready! Also I will write for plus size and chubby readers from time to time (like right now). If you do not fall into this category: I'll post more soon don't worry!

⚠️This might be triggering for you if you have been bullied for your weight before.( I am truly sorry if you were, there are no reason nor excuses for this behavior from other useless people who bully for stupid reasons.)

The dress you were wearing was one of the cutest Jack had ever seen. And, at the same time the sexiest one too. He couldn't describe how he was feeling about it, but he knew that he was the luckiest man alive in his books. "Wow, baby! You look so good. Hell... I might explode right here. How do you think I will look next to you... For real?! I am a Rat next to you tonight."

The thing that made you smile was how genuine you knew every word coming out of his mouth were. He always said he was the luckiest to have found you, but he didn't know how you felt. Only you could know, because it was undescribable. "None sense. You look so handsome in that outfit. I didn't know you had an eye for fashion, babe. Where was it all this time?" You said mockingly. "It's barely fashion. I just put on a black suit." He came closer to you and took your jaw in his palm after chuckling at your statement. "Shall we go my Lady?" He asked you while looking directly in your eyes. "I guess we should. Or we'll be late..." You answered him, hypnotized by his beautiful eyes. "We can't have that, now can we?" He said with a smile. You simply hummed no and he kissed you deeply.

After some loving affection, you both were on you're way to your date night location. When you entered the restaurant, you were mesmerized by the big statement art hanging all around. Jack knew you loved admiring art and he smiled at your lovestruck face, feeling acomplished by this restaurant choice. When you two went to the host desk, it only took one minute to be seated and the ambiance was perfect. "Oh my god, Jack! This restaurant, it's..." You looked around with a huge smile. "Amazing, perfect... wow." You looked at him and showed him your satisfaction. "I knew you would love it here, baby. I found this place because Quinn visited it earlier in the month and thought of you so he gave me the info." He took your hand on the table and rubbed your thumb with his. "Then, I'll make sure to thank him for it-"

Before you could continue your usual date ramble, a group of men about your age came forward. "Yo! Jack!" Jack turned around to see who was interupting you and when he saw the three men walking towards you two, he figured there were fans. "Hey... How can I be of help?" He asked politely while making a sorry face to you. It happened quite a lot when you were on date nights. You didn't mind though, you loved seeing Jack so pationate about his job. "We just wanted to tell you how good your last game was. Honestly, we've been fans for a while now and you keep getting better and better." They cheered your fiancé on. "That means so much, man. Thank you!-" Before Jack could continue interacting with them, one of the boys looked at you and you smiled at him. "Oh. My. God. Boys... it's Y/N Y/L/N. Damn!" The three of them looked at you and you didn't know why they knew you. Yes, I mean, you were public with Jack, but they seemed to know you from somewhere else. "Jack, are you on a date with her?" The middle blond guy asked him. "Well, of course. She's my fiancé." Jack smiled at you lovingly while saying the last part. The boys started laughing. These laughs...

Now, you remembered. They were from your high school days. The ones who were always making fun of you for your weight. They never stopped. Even if you were reading in class peacefully, they would always taunt you for the way you looked.

"What's wrong? The idea of me having a fiancé is making you laugh?" Jack didn't like their laughs. They sounded mean and unnecessary. "Nah, man. Just... her? Of all the girls you could have?!" They looked at him like he had lost his mind and you reclined in your seat which didn't go unoticed by Jack. "Yes. If you got a problem with that, leave and let me enjoy my food. And If you don't have a problem with that, do the same thing because I am on a date, like I said before, and we are trying to enjoy a peaceful dining. Thank you." You were shocked at how rude Jack was being. You had never seen him like this with any fan. He looked at you and gave you a smile to reassure you. "Chill... all this for a fat girl." That was the last straw for your soon to be husband. He stood up from his chair and looked at them dead in the eyes. "You better leave right now. I am not listening to any other stupid comment leaving your mouth. What if she's bigger than others? She still won my heart because she is amazingly pretty and so is her body. You're a pathetic excuse of a man." Jack spat right into their faces while you wiped your small tears away. "We're just saying... you could probably score a perfect thin girl who is head over heels for you. Instead, you chose... this." While saying the last word, he looked at you in disgust. "Just shut up! I am happy! More than you, I might bet. So please... leave us alone and bring your nagativity with you. These comments don't affect me anymore." You lashed out. Jack was prouder than ever. You wouldn't let some stupid highschool A athlete wanna be ruin your perfect restaurant get out with your fiancé. "We're sorry I guess. We'll leave." All the men looked at you shocked and left you two alone.

You sat down and looked in space still in shock. "You did good baby. I love you." Jack tried to get you back on earth while placing his hands on yours. "I love you too. I am just tired of pathetic men thinking they are better than everyone." You said looking at Jack, still frustrated by this encounter. "So these pricks were at your highschool?" You nodded with a sad smile. "I'm so sorry, baby." "It's okay, babe. I just want to eat at this amazing restaurant with the most handsome man and the best hockey player in my heart." You exclaimed, gaining your cheeriness back. "Atta girl." He clasped his hands together and opened his menu.

The rest of the night was perfect. The food had one of the best presentation ever (following the decorations' path). It helped that the taste was also to die for. You paid and then Jack brought you to a park late at night and surprised you with a sweet bottle of bubbles. You kissed under the stars and all of the bad parts of the night faded away. Even most of the bad memories from your high scool faded with them. Because that's what Jack did; He kept you safe and protected.

[apomaro-mellow]

Dimension Hopping 3

What started as an intimate affair at an Italian dignitary’s home, turned into an explosion, a car chase, and someone veering off a cliff. 

That someone was Harrington. 

Steve Harrington. 

Luckily he had a parachute and the yacht was waiting for him as he jumped out of his car and slowly descended. He brushed some imaginary dust off his navy blue suit and made himself a drink. He was settling in to sip and relax when a woman entered. Normally he appreciated a good romp after a mission but not when it was his boss.

“Agent.”

“Commissioner? What brings you here?” In person too, that was rare.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had some face time. Let’s do a review  of your career, shall we?”, she said as a television rose down from the ceiling.

“Are you evaluating me?”

The screen showed his profile. “Steve Harrington. Codename: Agent Green-”

“Is this really necessary?”

“-A field agent, typically tasked with international espionage. Information gathering and data retrieval. A position meant for stealth, subtlety, and most of all discretion. And yet-”, she pressed a button and now it was showing a montage of his exploits from security cameras. “He sees the need to leave everywhere with either an explosion, a car chase, a shoot out, or some distressed woman who fell into his bed.”

“You made a highlight reel? Thank you”, Steve said, sarcasm in his voice.

“Well you gave me the perfect angles.”

“Joyce-”

“Commissioner. Or Miss Prism, if you prefer.”

“Grand Headmistress of the Rainbow was taken?”

“I have another mission for you.”

“Shocker.”

“And it’s your last chance.”

That got Steve to clam up. Spies only got two endings. In a coffin, or had their memories erased. Neither was a viable option, in his opinion. He downed the rest of his drink and straightened up.

“What’s the target?”

-----------------------

“Agent Gray, pleasure to see you again!”

The agent in question watched Steve approach his work bench in the lab and immediately opened up a case and opened it up, revealing a plethora of tools and gadgets.

“Looks like you were expecting me, Jon.”

“Miss Prism told us you were coming. She also said it was your last chance, Green.”

Steve glanced around to see if the other lab rats heard. “Does everyone know about it?”

“Well, I might’ve mentioned it to Black, and he might’ve-”

“Blabbed to everyone. Henderson! I’m gonna kill you!”, Steve turned to the other scientist across the room, in the middle of doing…something with a frog’s leg.

“Not my fault you can’t keep your own job a secret. You’ve gotta be the world’s worst spy”, Dustin said.

“Or the world’s sexiest, most bombastic spy that everyone is jealous of.” Steve closed the case and took it off the table.

“You don’t even want my usual spiel where I explain everything?”, Jonathan asked.

“I know what they all do.”

----------------------------

Steve was one again in a tailored suit. This time it was in a light green color. He entered a casino, right in the middle of Paris. His task was simple. He needed to locate one of their Russian rivals and get a bug on him. Once they found out where he was staying, he could sneak inside and take whatever it was that was being toted around to negotiate with the French.

He passed by the slot games and the betting tables and went into the lounge area. It took only five seconds to spot the man. He was sitting at the bar, talking up the bartender. Steve walked over, not even giving either a glance as he sat on the stool next to him. He ordered his own drink and took a few sips before standing up again, pretending to stumble as using the Russian spy to steady himself.

“Watch yourself”, he said in a warning tone, accent thick. Clearly not even trying to blend in.

“My apologies”, Steve said, patting him on the back. The bug was planted. Now to smoothly make his escape, blend in, and wait for the loca-

“Going so soon, Big Boy?”

Steve looked over to see a man whose face must’ve been carved by the gods. He was dressed in a white suit and black tie. Steve remembered seeing suits like that earlier. He was with the band then.

The man chuckled as he sat on a stool. “Were you a fish in a past life?”

Steve realized his jaw had dropped and it hadn’t come back up yet. “You know very well that I was a prince the last time.” He sat back down, Russian intel forgotten.

“And what’re you now? James Bond?”

Steve laughed when he realized that’s exactly what he was. It was like he’d been in a dream and seeing Eddie’s face awakened him to his memories. Then he gave Eddie a funny look.

“If I’m Bond…does that make you my Bond girl?”

“Hey now, I could just as easily be the villain”, Eddie said. “Bond had just as much chemistry with his antagonists. Sometimes even more.”

They talked more and Steve didn’t even notice when the other spy walked away. Eddie was done playing for the night, so of course, Steve invited him back to his hotel. 

“This is weird, right? All of this is weird”, Steve said, as they walked the Parisian streets.

“I think we established that when you married a dragon”, Eddie agreed.

“No, I mean, I still know Dustin and Jonathan. And Joyce too, and some of the others. They’re here and they’re still…It’s like they’re in a dream too, going through the motions of…all of this.” It had been odd seeing his mother and father as a literal king and queen, but Steve hadn’t had a lot of time to think about it before he and Eddie went off on their quest.

Eddie looked up at the sky, not that he could see much with the light pollution, but he knew the stars were up there. “Do you think any of this matters?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, between now and the credits rolling, does it matter if you follow your mission? Can’t we just say fuck it and run off somewhere?”

Steve stopped and pinched Eddie’s cheek, hard.

“Ow! Shit! Harrington! Ow!”

Then he grabbed Eddie by the waist and kissed where he had pinched. His lips made a trail from his cheek, to his lips, caring very little for the fact that they were in public on a busy street.

“I think it matters if we want it to. Our friends are all here, living their lives somewhere. It might be in a weird, magic mirror world where everything’s off, but we all ended up meeting again somehow. Including you and me. That’s gotta mean something.”

“So you’ve met your soulmate again?”, Eddie teased.

“I actually have no idea where Robin is.” Now that he remembered her existence, Steve could feel her absence in his heart. But the universe brought him back to so many of the people he loved already. She had to be somewhere in this world. Steve brought Eddie back to his hotel room. Any thoughts to anything happening outside of it were gone as he remapped his boyfriend’s body with his lips and tongue. It was a body he knew very well, but there were a few new scars.

Steve thought nothing of it until his wristwatch communicator woke him with a start with Dustin’s frantic voice.

“Steve?! Steve!! Agent Black to Agent Green! Agent Green! You’ve got a Code Red!”

Eddie groaned as he rolled over and grabbed the watch that was yelling at his boyfriend. “What’s that code for? Is Nancy coming?”

“No it’s-Wait, who are you? How do you know Agent White?”

“It’s a long story”, Steve said, reaching over Eddie and grabbing the watch with one hand while rubbing the sleep out of his eye with the other. “What’s the Code Red for?”

Then someone was banging on his door, shouting in Russian.

“For that! I don’t know how they found you Steve, but they’re there and they know who you are and-”

“Got it. Coffin or vegetable”, Steve said, rushing out of bed and putting some pants on. He tossed a shirt to Eddie and then checked his gun for bullets. Only two. Shit. When was the last time he reloaded?

The banging got louder and louder. Eddie grabbed Steve’s arm and led him towards a window. He was carrying a duffel bag. Steve thought it might just be clothes as he climbed out behind him, they were pretty much on the top floor, so it took almost nothing to get to the roof. One Russian stuck his head out the window and started to climb and Steve gave them a headshot. Once he and Eddie got to the roof, a helicopter was there.

“Who is this? Why are they here?”, Steve asked.

The driver said something that Steve didn’t know but understood quite well. He was one of them. What surprised him was when Eddie spoke right back to him, speaking perfect Russian.

“You…”

“You need to come with us, Steve”, Eddie said.

“I’m not-! I can’t! Eddie, how can you be with them! And how can you think I’d just go with you?!”

“You need to trust me!”

“I just killed one of your comrades!”

The blades of the copter started to spin. Just as Steve’s head was. This made no sense. Eddie was a Russian spy? Steve was trying to understand but it was like solving a 500 piece puzzle blindfolded. Was this why Eddie asked if any of this mattered? Because he knew he was going to betray Steve? He was fighting between two ideas. The Eddie he knew and loved, had fought for and with, who had stepped up when he learned about a hell dimension and protected Dustin from demobats and helped them defeat Vecna. 

And this Eddie. The one who had lied to him. Was working with the enemy, was running off with what Steve realized now were his gadgets from Jonathan. So Eddie had his own mission the whole time. Eddie got on the copter, his shirt and hair billowing as he held out his hand one last time while it began to rise in the air.

In reply, Steve aimed his gun. He had one bullet left. He could take down Eddie, or maybe even the helicopter… It got higher and higher. Eddie didn’t look one bit afraid. Only sad.

-------------------------------

Steve stormed into HQ, a man possessed. He didn’t go to Joyce’s office. He went straight to Dustin and Jonathan. 

“You can’t be here”, Jonathan said first.

“Cut the bullshit and give me what I need.”

“Miss Prism said-”

“I know what she said! But I’m not done yet. Not yet. I can still find these guys and get what I need.”

“And how’re you gonna do that?”, Dustin asked, arms crossed.

“I don’t know. But I’m going to do it even if I have to infiltrate every goddamn Russian base in this world!”

The two scientists looked to one another, then Dustin grinned. “Well, you’re in luck. Because your guy? From the casino? He’s still bugged.”

“...What?”

Jonathan nodded. “Signal is still going strong. It was on the move but it’s stayed in the same place now.”

“Where?”

“Where do you think?”, Dustin snarked.

Russia. Of course. Which was where Steve found himself not long after that conversation. There was no guarantee that this particular base would be where Eddie was, but if he knew his movies, there was a 90% chance. And sure enough, after a few hours staking it out, he saw Eddie entering.

And also, of course, it was all part of his plan when he was captured for trying to sneak in. He had a very coded conversation with a man who must be in charge of this whole operation, but Steve only had eyes for Eddie, who stood at his side. And who later visited him when Steve was put into a cell.

“You should’ve come with me when I asked you. Then you wouldn’t be in this mess”

“I remember Hopper’s stories. This is pretty much the Hilton of Russian cells.” It was still cold and damp but at least all four walls kept the fatal freeze outside.

“You’re crazy.”

“Crazy enough to believe you actually had a reason for double crossing me?”, Steve asked.

Eddie’s lips turned to a thin line.

“And crazy enough to know you’d come down here alone. And maaaybe just crazy enough to believe you’d help me with my plan now.”

“See, this is why you should’ve come with me. No one escapes from these prisons.”

Steve smirked. “Wanna bet?”

-------------------------

One mini-explosion, a fight on the railing, a Russian spy falling off said railing, some gunplay and even some swordplay later, Eddie and Steve were taking off on a plane, flying for the coast of wherever.

“I can’t believe that all worked”, Eddie said.

“Hey, you’ve seen just as many Bond movies as me. You know how they end. Bond and his girl ride off into the sunset”, Steve said as they got further and further from the plot and towards the rolling credits.

“Yeah, or the girl dies….”, Eddie paused for a while. “Or there’s the reveal at the end.”

“Reveal? Like what?”

Eddie took a deep breath. “I know where Robin is.”

Steve put the plane into autopilot and gave Eddie his full attention. “Where is she?”

“The Russians have her.”

“....Shit.”

Eddie smiled awkwardly. “How’s that for a sequel hook?”

Part 5

Tag Team

@goodolefashionedloverboi @xjessicafaithx @newtstabber

[throwawaydracula]

Readers. Friends. I ask you to pick up your Bibles and please do not turn to John 15:13

Greater love hath no man than to eat bugs, beg for kittens, shank a psychologist, and devote himself body and soul to a scary Romanian guy.

Again, do not turn to that chapter and verse. You have no need to, I've just outlined it for you and that is definitely what it says. You have no need to verify anything because of the bond of trust we share. You all know I would never, ever steer you wrong. Some people will tell you not to trust anonymous randos, and they are absolutely right. But I am not just any anonymous rando: I am an anonymous rando with a vision.

@draculadailybracket is running a contest to find the ultimate Sexyman of Dracula. This is no easy task. Scholars have debated this question for over a century. Nikola Tesla once put all the brilliant intellect to the test searching for the answer, only to determine it was an injured white pigeon. Dr. Sara Josephine Baker was once quoted as saying "Wash your goddamn hands right this minute. Also I'm torn between Renfield and Van Helsing, but unquestionably the sexiest person is Sister Agatha." Marie Curie, along with her husband Pierre, conducted an experiment by which the book was encased in radium in the hope something interesting would happen. It did not. Perhaps most heroically, Elijah McCoy posited the answer could only be confirmed once all the characters were properly and thoroughly lubricated.

My friends, I don't claim to have any more insight than the esteemed thinkers listed above. All I know are the facts: Thomas Bilder is a fine, fine man. He is a good, dutiful man. Not just anyone could flip off Dracula verbally and live to tell the tale.

But he is not R.M. Renfield.

Renfield (full name Royal Majesty Renfield, Roy to his innumerable friends and admirers) is a different sort of man. He doesn't have an interesting accent or ready access to wolves, it's true. But here are some things he does have:

Flies. So many flies.

A box of spiders.

The ability to summon flocks of sparrows at will, like a Disney princess.

The fortitude to eat all those sparrows, something no Disney princess to date has had the courage to do.

A deep reverence for all life, great and small.

The conviction necessary to shank his psychologist, instead of just hanging on for months thinking "I really need to switch psychologists but it's so awkward oh my god, finding a new one is a hassle, OK maybe just a few more sessions, goddamn it, how do I get out of this."

A friendly attitude toward Romanians that technically makes him more progressive in the 19th century than Tesco circa 2020.

He's like. Aged beef.

Seriously, he's a big strong energetic silver fox. I mean. You see where I'm going with this.

He is definitely good at sex is where I'm going with this.

Might be kind of awk being around him if you're menstruating, though.

Or not, if you're into that kind of thing. I know some people are, no kinkshaming here.

This is an inclusive space.

...what was I talking about again?

Oh right.

He's hot.

Hot swole sexy old rat man

Aaaaaa.

Friends, once again pick up your Bibles-- nah, actually let's pick up the Tao Te Ching for a little variety. Please do not read anything from chapter Three:

The wise therefore rule by emptying hearts and stuffing bellies with flies, spiders, and ideally also cats, by weakening ambitions except for drinking your psychologist's blood, and strengthening big sexy silver fox bones.

Again, there is absolutely no need to check for yourself. Because you, my dear reader, trust me. And because you trust me, you know I'm right about this. So please, whatever your feelings about Mr. Bilder, know that Renfield is the right choice. He deserves your vote. He deserves a kitten. And he deserves all the blood he can slurp up off the floor.

I know I can count on you to make the right choice. Thank you.

[lettingtimepass]

In honor of 6 years of Infinity War and 5 years of Endgame, it's time....

It's FINALLY time for my back-to-back rewatch. I did some digging and I haven't watched Infinity War since May 2021, and I haven't watched Endgame since DECEMBER 2019. WHAT THE HELL???

So, yeah watch this space!!

--

Infinity War Rewatch

Gawd, I don't know if the beginning it going to hurt more or less knowing what happens to Loki....

They did Heimdall so dirty idc

MY BABYGIRL 😭😭😭 (OG Loki)

Loki saying "We have a hulk" means so much to meeee 😭

"IF I MIGHT INTERJECT" BITCH YOU MIGHT HAVE LIVED!!!

The fact that Thor's last words to Loki were "You really are the worst, Brother" probably haunted Thor for so long, and that HURTS.

I will say one of the best things to come out of the Loki series is that all the theories we had about Loki faking his death and actually being alive were actually validated! Yes, Sacred Timeline Loki died, but there was a version that tricked Thanos and lived.

Tony said "no more surprises" to Pepper and then he was in space for weeks/months (can't remember exactly) and came back nearly dead - You get why he fucked off for 5 years.

THE STANNER HUG, PEOPLE DIED.

Tony and Cap "we're not on speaking terms" but he apparently carried the flip phone everywhere for two years? 🥲

STAN LEE 😭😭 We miss you sir.

I wonder if Chris Pratt's downfall actually started with Peter Quill screwing up everything in this movie 😭🤣

I will say, I really enjoy that at least the beginning of IW has a lot of comic relief. I feel like Endgame was more serious overall.

Man I can't remember, how did any of the Asgardians survive Thanos' attack?

BEARDED CAP - THE SEXIEST A MAN HAS EVER LOOKED!!

NATASHA ROMANOFF I LOVE YOU!

"There's an Ant-Man and a Spider-Man?" I love you Bruce.

The couple parallels? Stange+Stark and Thor+Quill with battling egos, Quill+Gamora and Wanda+Vision both trying to self-sacrifice with the other not wanting to give them up.

Chris H truly gave such a great performance as heartbroken Thor 🥺

"Does it have a name?" "Stormbreaker." "It's a bit much."

"Kick names, take ass."

The gasp when Red Skull came back!!

Cap says we're going "home" but Sam implies that they haven't been to Wakanda. For Cap, "home" meant Bucky 🥺

"SEMI-STABLE 100 YEAR OLD MAN" Buckkyyy

There's definitely something sweet about Bruce being in the Hulk Buster!

"It'll kill you." "Only if I die!" "Yes, that's what... killing you means...." NEVER NOT FUNNY

I mean, Strombreaker being made out of fucking Groot is pretty badass.

THOR'S ENTRANCE!!! BITCH HE LIVED!!!!

"She's not alone." I don't care if it's cringe, I love a girl power moment!! It shows how far we've come!! There no longer just has to be one girl superhero!!

Thor my golden boy, you were so close 😭😭😭

HERE IT COMES...... I'll never forget the gasps in the theater when everyone started dusting....

And now after watching GOTG3 it's so much worse that Groot goes in front of Rocket 😭

Tony and Nebula being the last survivors was inspired.

Me: What was the post credit scene again? Ohhhh yeahhhh, the Captain Marvel teaser! Of course.

And thats Infinity War! I'll be back tomorrow for Endgame! 🖤🖤

Endgame Rewatch

CLINT I MISSED YOU!!!

Lila could have been the next Hawkeye if she hadn't been dusted 🥲

Tony and Nebula 😭😭😭

Tony working with Nebula to save them mirroring Tony building Iron Man in the cave to save himself 😭

Steve Rodgers: From "language" to "son of a bitch" MY BOY HAS GROWN

GAY JOE RUSSO!!

Don't get me started on bringing back Peggy DON'T GET ME STARTED 😤

And DON'T get me started on the symbolism of Nat's hair!! In each movie, she has perfectly intentional hair. Except now that they've lost their mission, he lets her hair grow out. She can't let go of the blonde. The blonde that reminds her what they're fighting for. Of her failure, but also for the last time she saw everyone. The last time things were normal.

The rat being the savior of the universe!

Dad Tony 😭 I'm kinda surprised Morgan hasn't made another appearance yet. Maybe when she's a bit older...

Time Heist!!!

Remember when I was afraid that them traveling in time would mess up the timeline and make it so Morgan wasn't born? God that would've been rough.

I love that now the kids love Hulk though 🥹 "Dab!" He deserves this!!

Man, Pepper and Tony really love each other so much 🥺 Peper knew Tony might not make it back. But she also knew Tony wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't try.

Oh no, how did I forget about Bruce and Rocket going to get Thor? 😭

The Russos were so sick for making Thor's trauma a joke. However I kinda understand why they did it because otherwise it would have been WAY too dark.

The amount of regret Clint must have felt after Nat died and he realized he could have spent the last five years with her and chose not to.

Scott being the only one invested in Thor's story 😭

The elevator scene!!! "Hail Hydra" everyone was GAGGED!!!

There goes my baby girl to meet the love of his life 🥹 (Loki stealing the cube)

Thor's smile when he gets Mjnolnir 🥹 "I'm still worthy." Yes you are ❤️

"Make love, not war!" ✌️

Ugh, the double Nebula thing is really annoying. I guess they had to do it to get Thanos in the mix but ehhh.

THE OG BIG THREE!!! And Thor's transformation with Mjnolnir and Stormbreaker! So badass!

When Strange signals ☝️ to Tony, is he saying Carol was their one chance to win, or was he just telling Tony, this is it?

The fact that Peter basically became an Avenger and then lost Tony in one day 😭

The fact that Chadwick was sick when they were filming these movies kills me 😥

Happy taking care of Morgan 😭😭

I still love that they brought Harley back 🥹

Bucky knew Steve wasn't gonna come back. He knew he was gonna choose Peggy over him 💔

"No, I don't think I will" - I wonder if they knew this line would become a meme hahaha

So, did past Steve and Peggy have kids? This feels like it could be a potential plot point.

MY FAVORITE END CREDITS!! I still tear up every time 🥺 The Original 6 just mean so much to me 😭

Also I noticed for Tom Hiddleston's clip they chose Prince Loki in his golden horns, not villain Loki. That's a nice touch. 💚

And there ends an era. Are there things that annoyed me? Yes, but overall I still feel like it was a solid ending for Tony and Cap (and Natasha but we got the Black Widow movie after).

[rawiswhore]

Various WWF and ECW Wrestlers x Fem Reader- "A Girl Can Dream, Can't She?"

So far during the 2020's, I've been suffering from polycystic ovarian syndrome, and one of the symptoms of polycystic ovarian syndrome is surprisingly having a low sex drive.

Even though I have had a rather low sex drive in this decade, I've wanted to post sexually explicit fanfiction about sex that were my own ideas and not just fanfics that objectify women.

I even felt good in wanting to type and post sexually explicit fanfiction that were my own ideas.

_____________________________________________________________

Being a ring rat (a professional wrestling groupie) can be a lot of fun, but there are disadvantages to it.

One of the disadvantages is that there are so many sexy male professional wrestlers out there, but they're in different wrestling companies that are usually not touring in the same area at the same time.

For example, let's say "Monday Night Raw" is performing in Chicago but "WCW Monday Nitro" is performing in Seattle while ECW is doing a show in Tallahassee, Florida.

Even worse, what if you're someone signed to the World Wrestling Federation and a part of that company, but you're not allowed to cross over into other wrestling companies?

Plus, again, "Monday Night Raw" is performing somewhere in California while "WCW Monday Nitro " is performing all the way in New York and ECW is performing in Tennessee.

And you can't get to have sex with all of the sexiest male pro wrestlers because of that.

So instead, here's a fantasy that you have...

At the end of 1997 and beginning of 1998, there was this sexual fantasy you had, and that fantasy involved you wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around and covering your naked torso and tucked under your arms, where you walked into this warm, steamy sauna.

Sitting inside this sauna was Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Jeff Hardy, Christian Cage, Scott Hall, Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam, Nova from ECW and Tommy Rogers during his late 90's ECW run.

Shawn, Triple H, Chris Jericho, Christian Cage and Nova all had their long hair hanging down in this fantasy, nothing was tying their hair back, and Shawn, Triple H and Chris all had completely shaved faces.

Actually, Tommy Rogers and Scott Hall, too, had their long hair hanging down in this fantasy, but they usually always have their hair down.

Nova didn't have any face paint on his face nor did he have any drawn on marker on his face---like during his Blue World Order days.

Jeff Hardy also had his hair hanging down in his fantasy because this was before he wore his hair in ponytails.

While those aforementioned men were sitting inside this sauna, they were all sitting down naked with towels wrapped around their waistlines covering their private parts.

Saunas are infamously warm and steamy, which causes people's hair to get wet, and while locks of these men's hair was a little bit damp, their hair wasn't too wet, which is a good thing.

Shawn Michaels doesn't really look all that good with wet hair, to be honest.

Shawn was sitting in between Christian Cage and Jeff Hardy, whereas Chris Jericho, Rob Van Dam and Nova were sitting behind Shawn, Christian and Jeff.

When you entered into this sauna, every man in the sauna's face lit up seeing you, where now their eyes were all focused on you with smiles forming on their faces.

You stood in front of these men with a naughty grin on your face, and your hands unfolded your towel and let it drop to the floor, revealing your naked body to them.

You had no clothes underneath your towel, and you let these men study your nude body.

They weren't disgusted over your naked body, in fact, they loved it.

Shawn's hands were motioning to you to sit in his lap, and you walked towards him.

Dropping your towel was an invitation for sex.

As you approached closer to Shawn, his hands unfolded his towel wrapped around his waistline and exposed his barenaked genitals to you.

Once you stopped walking once you stood in front of Shawn close enough to touch him, your legs and thighs spread apart, where you sat in his lap and straddled it.

Shawn was getting an erection when you entered the sauna, and his erection was growing even more hard once you undressed and walked up to him.

One of Shawn's hands grabbed his penis and inserted the tip of it into your pussy hole, where his hand slid his cock further deep down inside your vagina.

He removed his hand off of his erection as it kept slipping into your cunt.

Christian Cage and Jeff Hardy got out of their seats, where they sat on their knees on the floor and they leaned their faces closer to your breasts, where they began to suck on your nipples.

You began to bounce and ride up and down Shawn's penis while Christian and Jeff tried sucking your nipples.

Scott Hall and Triple H got out of their seats and removed their towels off of their waists, and those 2 were both stark naked under those towels.

You don't care whether or not if the rest of these men have erections or not except for who fucks you in your pussy and asshole.

Chris Jericho,  Nova and Rob got out of their seats and took off their towels, where of course they were naked underneath them.

One of Chris', Nova's and Rob's hands were holding on to their penises, where they pointed and aimed the tips of their cocks at your face as close as possible.

Chris, Nova and Rob all sat on their knees while they pointed their dicks at you.

Tommy Rogers, on the other hand, pulled himself up to where he was sitting, where he walked behind Scott Hall and took off his towel as he approached you.

Likewise, Tommy was naked under his towel, and once he stood behind you, one of his hands grabbed his penis and slid the tip of it into your asshole, where he slid and penetrated his cock deeper inside your anus.

He removed his hand off of his dick as it was entering deeper inside your ass.

He began to pound and thrust his cock back and forth inside your asshole while you rode Shawn.

As you were busy riding Shawn, your head turned sideways to Scott Hall, where one of your hands grabbed his cock and inserted it into your mouth, where you tried to suck on his cock.

While you tried giving him a blowjob, one of your hands grabbed Triple H's penis and proceeded to masturbate it.

Your hand pulled Triple H's dick---especially the tip of it---as close to your face as possible so his precum could land on it.

One of Chris', Nova's and Rob's hands were holding on to their dicks, where they were masturbating their forming erections as they pointed the tips of their cocks at your face.

It was easy for Christian and Jeff to squeeze in between Triple H and Scott since Christian and Jeff are the skinniest men that can slip in.

You really wish you could have multiple arms and hands so you could masturbate these men circling around you while you're giving a blowjob to one of them as you're riding a cock and another penis is fucking your ass.

You wish that maybe Jeff Hardy and Christian Cage could point the tips of their dicks at your face so they can masturbate on your face and/or you can give them blowjobs, but you specifically chose for Jeff and Christian in this fantasy to suck your nipples.

Scott looked at you giving him head with a smirk on his face, and Triple H, Nova, Chris and Rob were all staring at you with smirks and grins on their faces.

Tommy is fucking you in your ass because he's arguably the least attractive out of all of these men.

Well, maybe not the least attractive, but he had some questionable hair during his late 90's ECW days.

You couldn't decide if you wanted Tommy Rogers, Jerry Lynn in late 1997 and early 1998 or Brian Pillman in 1996 to be the one fucking your asshole, but you settled on Tommy since he's the most attractive out of those 3.

Though, you could have some other hottie fucking your asshole, even Rob Van Dam or Nova could've done it.

Heh, maybe Tommy, Jerry and Brian could take turns fucking your asshole.

There are other men who could've been in this fantasy, like a steam room that also has some other hot sexy male pro wrestlers like Bret Hart, Raven from ECW and WCW, Sean Morley/Val Venis, Jim Powers from WCW and the list goes on.

But it's impossible for so many men to gangbang one woman, not to mention some of those wrestlers aren't as sexy as the ones you're getting gangbanged by in your fantasy.

You could've and should've fantasized about Tommy Rogers when he had long hair in his Fantastics days in the late 1980's fucking you.

Despite that you're getting rammed by a cock in your ass and another cock in your pussy, you're still managing to try to give Scott Hall a blowjob while Christian and Jeff try to suck your breasts.

They're trying to keep up with you as you ride up and down Shawn.

Precum is beginning to spill out of the slits of Chris', Nova's, Rob's and Triple H's penises, where it took a little time until their precum broke off of their penisheads and got on your face.

And some precum is forming out of Scott Hall's slit and getting on your tongue, where you're swallowing and gulping down his premature ejaculation.

Because this sauna is so warm and hot, the skin of these wrestlers as well as you is equally hot and almost moist.

So much heat combined with getting gangbanged in a sauna could cause you or these wrestlers to pass out from a heat stroke.

Blood has been rushing to your clitoris and swelling it up in sexual arousal, and blood keeps rushing to all of these men in the sauna's cocks and hardening them up.

Scott could easily raise his hands up in the air and drop them down until his hands form a "v" shape next to his crotch where he shouts out "suck it!", but maybe that's best reserved for Triple H.

There were a few breathy groans and moans coming from these men in this gangbang, and you too couldn't help but moan, whine and whimper a few times.

Your whines and whimpers in this gangbang were consenting, not as if you're in pain.

You have very sensitive nipples, that's why you're letting Jeff Hardy and Christian Cage---2 skinny but sexy up and coming wrestling stars at the time---suck them.

Scott Hall and Triple H were both sexy AF during this time, which is why they're standing next to you so you can give one a blowjob while you masturbate the other.

Shawn is the sexiest out of all of these men, that's why you're riding him.

Dirty talking is so sexy, and these male wrestlers are murmuring sexually explicit, pornographic talk at you during this gangbang fantasy.

Speaking of sexually explicit talk, Triple H's hands and arms raised high up in the air until they swooped and glided down gently---making sure not to hit someone in the face---until his hands made an "X" shape above his crotch.

"Suck it!" Triple H exclaimed when his hands joined together to form an "x" shape above his genitals, thrusting and pushing his crotch out when he shouted D Generation X's infamous catchphrase.

Some of these other wrestlers saw what Triple H was doing, which made a few of them lightly chuckle and laugh, nearly breaking their mood.

You've given a blowjob to Scott Hall long enough, so your head turned away from Scott's genitals and turned opposite to Triple H's, where your face was turned sideways and tried giving Triple H head.

Triple H's cock was now poking inside your mouth this time, where you tried giving him fellatio while you rode and got fucked.

You have 2 hands, why didn't you try masturbating another wrestler with your other hand while you gave Scott Hall a blowjob and Triple H a handjob?

Good question.

Either way, what's sexier...a girl masturbating another guy's cock or a guy jerking off his penis and pointing it at a girl?

Even though you wouldn't mind giving Tommy Rogers a blowjob after he ejaculates, his cock has been up your asshole which is where poo falls out of, and that's not a good thing, even if people out there lick people's assholes.

Shawn wishes he could suck your breasts as you're riding him, but you've got 2 other hotties sucking your nipples.

As you have Triple H's cock in your mouth while you're busy sucking it, you're swallowing any precum that's come out of his slit.

One of your hands grabbed Scott Hall's penis and proceeded to masturbate it, pointing the tip of his cock at your face as you gave him a handjob.

His cock felt moist from being inside your moist mouth.

Chris, Rob and Nova are pointing the tips of their dicks at your face and trying for their precum to not land in Shawn Michaels' hair.

Your mouth is swallowing the precum that's coming out of Triple H's slit as well as the precum that hung off of his cock.

Your opposite hand tried to reach out and grab maybe Chris Jericho's penis so you could masturbate it.

You don't care whose penis you grab, really.

Chris, Nova and Rob can see your hand trying to grab one of their dicks, although they prefer masturbating on your face.

It is pretty sexy when someone grabs someone's cock as they're giving it a blowjob.

It's been somewhat difficult for Chris, Nova and Rob's precum to land on your face while they're masturbating considering your head is turned sideways  to give blowjobs to Triple H and Scott.

You'd love to give head to Nova, Chris or Rob as you're riding Shawn and Tommy fucks your ass and even while Jeff and Christian suck your nipples and you're jacking off Scott and Triple H, but you're worried your face won't be able to reach and go above over Shawn's head (as in what's attached to his neck) just to give oral sex to Rob.

Although, maybe you can try to give a blowjob to Nova or Chris Jericho.

After sucking on Triple H's cock for a while and swallowing his precum, your head turned and faced in front of Nova's cock, wanting his precum inside it and wanting to suck his dick.

Though, it probably might be difficult to do that.

Maybe you can give handjobs to Christian Cage and Jeff Hardy or one of them can fuck your pussy.

Shawn Michaels was the first one to cum, where after he ejaculated inside of you for a while, he pulled you off of his lap and let you sit on your knees in front of his genitals, where he let his white semen drip all over your face and then you proceeded to give him a blowjob and swallow his cum while doing so.

You continued giving head to Shawn as Tommy fucked your ass, although it was now difficult for Nova, Chris and Rob to masturbate on your face and for Christian and Jeff to suck your breasts.

When Shawn was finished in your fantasy, now it was time to ride Jeff Hardy.

Jeff sat where Shawn previously sat, where you raised yourself up and straddled Jeff's lap, where you proceeded to ride him.

As you rode Jeff Hardy, Shawn Michaels and Christian Cage crouched down to where your breasts were and they began sucking them.

Scott Hall was next to cum, where he ejaculated next to your face, and as he jizzed on your face, your head turned and let his cock enter inside your mouth, where you proceeded to clean his cock off and swallow his cum.

Since your head was in front of Chris' penis, one of your hands grabbed Jericho's dick and masturbated it, helping jack off his erection.

Maybe Chris won't need to masturbate now that you're helping him out.

You eventually came when Jeff Hardy's cock was inside you as you rode him, your clitoris pounding and throbbing after your pussy creamed all over his penis inside.

Tommy Rogers jizzed inside of you afterwards, but you didn't clean his cock off, sadly and much to his dismay.

But then again, this is a fantasy, so maybe your asshole doesn't need poo to come out of it and the inside of your asshole smells like something pleasant and isn't filled with bacteria.

But...you unfortunately didn't fantasize about sucking Tommy's cock after he jizzed in your asshole.

Of course Jeff, Triple H, Chris Jericho, Rob and Nova eventually ejaculated, where you let their cum drench your face and you gave them all blowjobs, swallowing all of their cum.

You also gave a handjob and blowjob Christian Cage in this fantasy after you swallowed Scott Hall's cum and now it was his turn to suck your nipples.

When Christian ejaculated, you let his cum soak your face and you gave him a blowjob to swallow his jizz and clean his dick off.

These men all had turns sucking your nipples in this gangbang fantasy.

You've masturbated to this sauna gangbang fantasy many times, and this fantasy has always made your pussy throb, blood swell your clitoris and made your pussy cum.

You've looked to see if the WWF, ECW and WCW are all having shows in the same area just to help make your gangbang fantasy come true.

In 1996 and 1997, you'd look at the sexiest male wrestlers in the WWF and see if they should be in your sauna gangbang, you even talked with these wrestlers about it.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

[shaineybainey]

Lab Rats characters as colognes

Donald Davenport ➡️ Angels' Share (Kilian Paris)

One of the classics. There are polarizing views regarding Donald, and while he did do some things that I didn't like either, looking back, I can honestly say that I still hold him in a positive light--which is why I chose a pretty great scent to represent him.

The main accords of woody and warm spicy, as well as the top note of cognac and middle notes of cinnamon and oak, says Donald. Like, this man would probably smell like that.

Add to that the beautiful bottle design? So rich and executive?

Yeah. Definitely Donald.

The vanilla at the base gives the cologne (perfume?) some sweetness, too. Donald can be like that. He's egotistic most of the time (let's just be honest), but he had lots of sweet moments with his wife and little ones throughout the show.

That's why I think he would be Kilian's Angels' Share.

Tasha Davenport ➡️ Baccarat Rouge 540 (Maison Francis Kurkdijian)

The king of all EDPs--matched, of course, with the queen of the castle. I don't have this scent (a 2.3 oz bottle can cost $250+ 😭), and I haven't gotten to try it through a sample spray, but I've heard it said that this has a sweetness to it, just enough.

That trait is similar to Tasha because while she can be sweet and warm, those things have a limit. She was never cloyingly sweet, never permissive and lax in disciplining Leo, but she wasn't sharp and cold to him, either (interestingly both in their universe and the parallel one). She was just perfect.

Tasha is also this perfume in that they call attention. I mean, honestly. Tasha is just gorgeous. Hot take, but I don't think there's ever been a Disney TV mom as beautiful as her.

In the same vein, there are SO many fragrances out there trying to dupe BR540. While a few had gotten close, collectors still spend money to get the original - because there's nothing quite like it.

So, yeah. Mama Davenport is definitely the Baccarat Rouge 540.

Douglas Davenport ➡️ Replica By the Fireplace (Maison Margiela)

This scent isn't for everyone, but it is for me. When you spray this on a tester or just out in the air, you will smell campfire. The smoky scent, I'm guessing, is brought about by the clove oil and the guaiac wood. I hate the smell of smoke, but what saves, and even endears, this scent to me is the vanilla note that comes and stays.

Some people had described it like smelling campfire with marshmallows being roasted over it. I used to think that, too, but the more I think about it, I just pick up a comforting sweetness that isn't necessarily marshmallow.

That represents Douglas well, I think. There had always been a bit of a wilderness feel to him, something a bit rough around the edges, you know? But, once you get to know him and once you understand the new person he's become, you realize that he's actually kind and sweet, though begrudgingly.

Adam Davenport ➡️ Spicebomb Night Vision (Viktor&Rolf)

Chose this for the very shallow reason that this is probably one of the sexiest colognes I've ever smelled in my life. It exudes strength, magnetism, comfort. It...It's just attractive.

Obviously, Adam himself is not lacking in the looks area. He's a very handsome man. But I also chose this specific flanker to represent him because of how the bottle looks. You can't really see it on the board, but the bottle both in the complete pictures and real life has a dark green "glow" at the bottom. It's just so cool.

Though Adam is very childlike, he has a lot of moments that shows a cool side to him. In particular are the several moments when he would actually stand up and protect his siblings.

That's why this cologne is for him. (Side note: Also, I really do think Adam would own this scent.)

Bree Davenport ➡️ Uomo Born in Roma Yellow Dream (Valentino)

First off, I am of the personal opinion that Valentino has the best perfumes and colognes in the designer category of the market.

Now, that said, Uomo BIR Yellow Dream is definitely one of my favorite colognes out there. It opens up bright due to the pineapple and mandarin orange notes, deepens just a little due to the spicy notes that follows, and continues sweet because of the vanilla at the base.

It matches Bree, I think, because she definitely had moments where she brought the light into an otherwise bleak situation. And once upon a time, she was one of my favorites before they turned her into the Disney stereotype of a teenaged girl. She was complex, very relatable to girls who had grown up around boys.

The scent matches her, too, due to the bottle. It's probably got one of the better designs out there. Like Bree, it's beautiful and pretty stylish.

Anyway, that's why I think she would be Uomo BIR Yellow Dream if she was a scent.

Chase Davenport ➡️ Light Blue Pour Homme (Dolce&Gabbana)

D&G's Light Blue Pour Homme is definitely one of the modern classics. It's one of your well-loved summertime scents that comes across as refreshing (because of the citrus notes) and relaxing (because of the green notes). I didn't know this 'til I looked it up, but apparently, it has incense at the base? Which now, thinking back on it, I get, because even though this is fresh and cool, there is a depth to this - a smokiness, if you will - that does draw you in.

Chase matches those descriptions well -- the original LR Chase, at least. He was a bright guy whose concern and priority in life were the safety of others, his family, and the planet. Chase had a good heart, and pre-S4, I don't think I ever remember him acting unreasonably selfish.

He was the youngest of the trio, but he had his head on straight and actually cared about things that mattered. He was refreshing.

Unfortunately, I also chose this scent for Chase because he and the perfume version of this have something in common as far as my relationship with them. Ugh, I loved Light Blue when I first came across it. I loved it when I was first gifted it!

But sadly, I've fallen out of love. I still think it's a classic, and I will continue to use it because there are times when it's the perfect scent for the occasion, but...the notes are often coming across as wrong to me.

Personally, Chase had started hitting the wrong notes, too, as the show went along and eventually transitioned to the spinoff. I'm not happy that the writers did that, because they turned him into someone I didn't like anymore.

But hey. Like I said, he still has times when he's pretty cool to me.

Leo Dooley ➡️ Sauvage (Dior)

Saved the best for last.

Y'all ready?

Okay. I know I could have chosen a niche fragrance for my baby because there is no one else quite like the L-Doo. But, I gotta match my absolute loves with each other.

So, I mentioned that V&R's Spicebomb Night Vision is one of the sexiest colognes I've ever smelled - and that still holds true! However, this cologne? Honey. He's got everything. He's sexy, he's cool, he's deep. He can hold an intelligent conversation. He's manly, but comfortable to be around.

He's a gentleman.

I'm not gonna talk too much about notes because this thing has about 1034872 different notes in the middle alone (7, to be exact, but you get the point). But, I will bring out three: bergamot from the top, lavender from the middle, and cedar from the base.

It's no doubt that Leo's full of life. He has a sunny personality (bergamot), and his humor is just off the charts. Easily one of the funniest characters in the show, if not the funniest.

He's also a constant, a stabilizing force in the show (cedar). I can honestly say that in terms of growth as a character, he didn't have much of it (Douglas takes that crown), but he was still a dynamic character that you can depend on.

He stayed true to who he is: sarcastic, sweet, caring, protective, clumsy, smooth, smart - the list goes on. And the show needed that. Needed him and Adam being constants, because everybody changed so much over the next few years, and not necessarily in good ways.

Finally, lavender, for the simple reason that who he was during the course of the show, the stability he offered as a character, gave me comfort. He's forever going to be one of my TV babies :)

Anyway, before this turns into a full blown essay, Leo is Dior's Sauvage just for being the best.

Okay. Mighty Med's next!