#he made his mistakes out of hopelessness and despair because gods and humans are assholes in his times]

[determined-magi]

[There is no turning back... is there?]

...

he can’t really sleep.

Agarwaenor lies on the makeshift bed of his, a pair of potato sacks sewed into a single small bed filled with hay. blackened eyes staring absently towards the exit as he listens carefully to everyone around the camp, nostrils opening and closing over his scaled face. Brows furrowed before he lets a frustrated, inhuman growl and snaps from his resting position.

He really hated this timeline...

Everyone was... just so MISERABLE, so damn depressing on it, he hated it, and it was all his fault. All his fault for chosing to have a little hope from seeing one of them take the initiative, all because he thought things could go differently with everyone involved. What a fucking moron he was, right? An absolute fucking tool of stupidity. Of course it would never work... It didn’t to him, with all the power he had... what fucking chance they had to right it? It would take a miracle to right this world, or change the course of history, it was a suicide mission.

He should have let it run its course, perhaps... perhaps that way they would get some control on how they went, perhaps that way they wouldn’t be stuck in the place they were, burning bridge after bridge against their will so horribly, they wouldn’t lose everyone’s trust, their trust on themselves. Where did this little ruse left them? They were sick, losing control, losing friends, killing allies... perhaps they were worse now than how they would have been the other way around... and for what? Monsterkind would never value that, they’d just see everything that was wrong, pain their kind as barbarians, even those who wanted to do right by them... and they? They would be painted the worst, most likely, for rising a coup so disastrous, and a long-lasting bloodshed that would expand to other kingdoms allied with Bellegur’s father... there was no use in saving a few monsters if the price to pay was that... It would have led to the same position they were, with little allies, and with them struggling to control themselves and avoid risking the future for both races...

He claws at his face, letting a long insufferable growl. Before roaring in frustration whilst he throws around his table. Futile... it was all futile. He knew it was futile, and like the dumb madman he is, he tried anyways.

What a fucking joke.

Look where it got him? He was dying on body and mind, sick beyond life, sick beyond death. Living more in an endless torture sustained by a dumb spell that was failing, mutilated in body by his magic, and in mind by his LOVE. And the worst of it? He dragged the others into it, his dumb decision had them all suffer the same thing, how? he doesn’t remember... but he knows it was all hist fault too, whatever happened the last Reset? it was bad, and it is involved... and he dragged them into it too. For some miracle it got handled... but now? now they were risking doing that all over again, with no assurance that whatever happened last time would save anyone again. He’s fucked and he fucked everyone else too...

Just look at his friends... his family...

They hardly looked human, they hardly acted so. They couldn’t even speak anymore, for fuck’s sake. What kind of path was this? Their magic was making their bodies collapse on themselves, their Love was twisting their mind until they didn’t know what was real and what not, what was the poison trying to further screw them over beyond salvation, twisting their bodies into a mockery of the race they were trying to save. How long until they lost it? Or people couldn’t keep up anymore? When was enough... enough? He should fix this... he has to... he has to fix this, what else is this power for, if not fixing things?

He just needs to find that old save... that old file before this conflict started. That... that should do, right? Gilrin will be back to her academy, no wiser and happy with her students, Thanneth? She’d still have her privileges, a prestigious position and enjoy a rather comfortable day to day basis being an asshole. Braigon? He wouldn’t have to fight many men he knew and saw grow over his long life, he didn’t deserve to fight people he once knew, he deserved his life with his colleagues, his family... Belle? He shouldn’t be fucking killing his whole family, for fuck’s sake, what kind of life was that? He shouldn’t be doing a coup to get his crown, or lead a civil war to stop the extinction of an species, what kind of sick bastard was he to allow this?

What of Thannor? He had a happy life with Kairos as his apprentice before all of this came crashing down, even if it was a lie, they both were happy, who was he to take that away? to ruin that by entertaining this pointless path? He ruined everything he worked hard for, decades of work with the bastard to keep him from being the same as most of the rotten fucks wrong in this world are. He ruined a perfectly good dishonest friendship, and chance at him to get actually better for once... that is what he did...

And Rhowën?... oh dear Rhowën... that poor judge...

He ruined his friendship with Lost, With Kairos, the only persons beside him and the other mages that had managed to get a semblance of a honest, good and close friendship... Made him burn bridges he deeply valued, only to watch him come to the crashing realization of how his sacrifises were FOR NOTHING. They didn’t mean ANYTHING, the outcomes all led to the same fucking endings. They fought, they worsened, they fell from grace, and they would die for it.

He ruined Kairos and Lost too, ruined yet another chance at hoping to find something that was different, ruined their relationships with his friends, nay.... his family. He ruined honest, well meaning attempts by humoring this all, now he could see that fucking mistake. Discouraged one from showing ever again, and now was cutting the last ties with the other, at the pace they were going. He ruined everyone and it was his fucking fault, he ruined a perfect lie in a desperate attempt to find another way, knowing there was no other, and he ruined everything for doing so. And he was even risking being found out on top of it, he was losing everything over a fucking maybe, AGAIN.

Well... screw turning this all into a meaningless lost battle, he’s got the power to stop this, right? he should fix this mess, before it couldn’t be undone... he had to fix it... he had to... He didn’t care if everyone hated him for it, he had to fix this. he didn’t care if he was seen as a greceless bastard or anything, for turning all into a joke, he had to undo this damage, he had the power to do that.

He would fix it... no matter what cost was on him. He just wanted to see them be happy, he just wanted to be happy... if only a little longer... he just needed a little more time to figure things out... just... give him more time...

He would fix this, he promises. He had to...

For everyone.

*You open the menu  You move to the files and  look for the old save file.

* The file is older than desired    But it seems fine...    It should do, right?

* Load?

[Yes]  -   [No]

His hand hovers over the loading option...

This was right, wasn’t it? It should be enough. Perhaps Kairos and Lost would have to pretend a bit again, until they didn’t need to feing like they didn’t know much about them... but... that couldn’t hurt them, they were good at that? Not like each had their lies to keep, or anything really, it would make their lives easier, really... isn’t he right? It would suck seeing things go bad, once they do, but they would learn from this and perhaps find a way to lessen the blows... Kairos spell should work then, they’d get way less LV than the amount they currently had... it should work... it had to...

Then? They could figure out a way to have things be different, perhaps get a shot at a happy ending, because this? This would never lead to it. Going against the current would never work for them, they weren’t like salmon were... No.

Load?

*[Yes]    -    [No]

Are you sure you want to load the file?

[Yes]    -    [No]

His hand hovers over the yes, snorting at the question seeking confirmation. Of course he wanted to, he wouldn’t hover over it without a reason, or if he didn’t want to do so. That was a senseless thing, he never understood why it was there to begin with, really.

Or... well... used to never do so.

The moment moment he’s about to press the option to confirm, a tearing pain rushes from his chest towards his head. Ravaging every inch of his mind as he lets a single agonic cry towards the sky. Hands snapping at his head and clawing at its sides, tears falling down as eyes light up with magic and his face twists in pure, unbriddled pain and despair. Before doubling down as his magic grows volatile immediatelly... ramming against the spell viciously as Agarwaenor shakes profusely, as if trying to get something off his head.

Once that proves useless, he goes back towards tearing at the side of his head and jaws, screeching unholy, inhuman cries as the guards immediatelly run into the sight. Alerted by the sudden cry breaking through the sound proofing spells, and the sheer emotions conveyed through the camp by his magic screaming at their souls. Only to find the sight of the distressed mage grow less reassuring, as his gaze grows from helplesss anguish into a derranged irate beast with tears still falling down.

“ Fuck... get whoever had those fucking meds, NOW. “

He doesn’t waste time using his magic o stop them, against his instincts screeching that it would only worsen the pain. He doesn’t care then, no... And that leads to both guards deaths, quick and as sudden as they could be. And the mutilation of their bodies as he continues to slam claws around their corpses until Bellegur and Gilrin come to tackle him... knowing well this time they would be needed to pin him down for a shot.

But not without a fight, that is, he made sure to be hard to catch. As he thrashed and fought fiercely against his would-be captors. Wrathfully screeching and roaring madly whilst tears fell down his face, clawing, striking and biting at anyone trying to pin him as his body was soon to follow signs of strain, until he couldn’t fight anymore out of pure pain...

He didn’t fade into restless sleep silently however, not at all. And the camp echoed with his inhuman cries, until his breath could no longer let such jarring cries. And even then, his eyes remained wide open, face twisted back towards a distressed grieving cry until they closed his eyes.

No one slept that night.

[cajunroe]

big short anon here again . might i please chat with you about porter/danny and/or jamie/charlie because you are the only human being i know of that i actually CAN talk to about them. :)  — Anonymous

Okay I was gonna answer this yesterday and then got swept up in some fuckery but now I have TIME and I’m going to say a few things.

Look, I have the biggest and best-known narrative boner for ships that are basically competitive assholes whose bond is forged in the fire of the most high-stakes atmospheres imaginable and both of these ships definitely qualify, but like, in totally different ways? But god, I am consumed with Jamie/Charlie thoughts lately because they’re just so goddamn sweet. Like, as sweet as a ship like that could be. Good boys who want to be assholes and are trying their best but still really like each other and have each other’s backs, ugh. I have all these feelings about Charlie harboring this secret crush on Jamie for months that he thinks is totally hidden and he thinks he’s being so suave, and it actually completely shocks him when Jamie kisses him during a time of great stress and pressure? Because, uh? He didn’t know he was being so obviously? But oh my god it’s Jamie and he’s so tall and smart and looks like Superman and anyway he’s going to give himself permission to give into this because, uh, it’s good, it’s very good, he can love this and let this happen.

And on the other end of the spectrum – god, my kingdom for finance bros in love Porter/Danny, Danny with his cockeyed optimism and obsession with trying new restaurants and ability to get under Porter’s skin and keep him from being too cynical all the time, and Porter hates that Danny has that gift but also it’s kind of nice to not be so angry and guarded and snarky all the time, it’s nice to have someone go out of his way to make him laugh and make him do new things. God, I’m sorry, it’s just – it’s canon, they went on a date at the end! They found love in a hopeless place! Anyway they have a house upstate now and a massive Great Dane loping around their big Duane Street luxury high-rise and they push each other to be better and more competitive and make each other better in private and it’s just. It’s my favorite dynamic. Uggghhhh.

@lizdexia Well, your Insurance series literally gave me life so I understand and 100% respect your boner.

YES. I can’t help but think of Jamie being entirely oblivious to just how attractive and charming he can be. Where Charlie is all nerves and skittishness, Jamie is calm and content. Even though they both want the money, power, and glory (p.s. uhm that is the song for any ship in this damn movie) they want each other more. Not entirely in a romantic or sexual sense, but they’ve grown so accustomed having the other around and knowing that they’re always in this, together, it’s nearly impossible for either of them to think of the other not being there. 

Also, yes “good boys who want to be assholes,” who become good boy assholes. They’re assholes to those who deserve it and have had it coming. They witnessed, first hand, what tacit approval and blind corruption can do. It nearly broke the world. After their big short, their done with that...sort of. So rather than manipulate the manipulated, they manipulate the manipulators. Like they’re not only becoming more incredible traders and investors, but they’re becoming greater, maybe even better than Mark Baum, at finding the massive amounts of bullshit on Wall Street. But for them the most important thing is that they’re doing it together. I feel like it’s an ‘everyone knows but them’ type thing. They’re both pining so hard and neither of them sees it. But it’s good because they’re good and they’re on a winning streak and are working too much to even notice anything besides the endless numbers on endless pages.  

Until one day, a really “up shit’s creek without a paddle” day, they lose and they lose big. It won’t kill them, hell, after their biggest trade, it won’t even make a dent, but it hurts. It always hurts to lose, but this time they lost to the bastards that have been swindling innocent people for years. Their loss is incomparable to the thousands that will lose their jobs, homes, families, and whatever else the heartless pieces of shit on Wall Street decide to take. When it’s done, they’re apart from one another for the longest time since they moved all the ratty, comfortable furniture into the small and stuffy garage, Jamie’s chocolate lab he’s only confidant. Jamie eventually convinces himself that they can’t let their first setback, not matter how large, stop them. He goes to Charlie, not only because he needs to just be with him, to make sure he’s okay, but because Charlie is the only one that knows. He’s always known exactly what to say, exactly what to do. 

Jamie’s almost always felt something more than friendship since Charlie first offered to help Jamie “diversify his portfolio.” Jamie thought the excitable guy was trying to hit on him so he’d said yes, but when Charlie got into dividends and return rates, he realized the cute dork, touching his glasses too much, was serious. The rest is history, Jamie’s always felt something for Charlie, but there was always something, too much work, too much risk, too many other people in their lives. But now? Now it was just them. No interference, no numbers, no work. Just them. Jamie realizes he hasn’t truly been with Charlie, alone, for a very long time. It’s easier to ignore repressed feelings when their lives revolve around work, but now their lives are revolving around one another’s despair and Jamie has nowhere to hide anymore.

Neither does Charlie. 

But unlike Jamie, Charlie doesn’t repress. No anything he’s ever felt has been at the forefront of his thoughts since he was born. Of all the emotions he feels three the most: anger, excitement, and love. Right now all three are rushing through his veins and consuming him. He’s angry for losing, for all the bastards that get a nice payday while people loses their lives because he made a mistake, moved too quickly, didn’t sell at the right time. He’s excited because it’s been three days and he’s finally able to lay eyes on Jamie. He’s angry that he’s excited. Above all else, he feels a rush of unadulterated love for Jamie because he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t try to pry or bring Charlie out of the shell he recedes into whenever he feels like a failure. Jamie just drops a greasy pizza and cold six pack on the floor and they eat and drink in comfortable silence until Charlie starts talking. He doesn’t stop, going on and on about corruption and pressure and concepts of time and eventually works himself into, what Jamie know will be a horrible panic attack. And Jamie…he’s tired and emotional drained and he just wanted regular Charlie, not existential Charlie. He’s also had more than his fair share of the six pack, Charlie never really had a taste for beer, so he’s not functioning at his regular level. By the time the idea is fully formed in his head Jamie already has his fingers curling against the back of Charlie’s hair, thumbs caressing the high cheekbones. He enjoys the shock and stammering from Charlie for half a moment before pressing his lips gently against his best friend’s. He expects so many things, anger, rejection, or even ridicule. After pining for Charlie for so long Jamie just savors and commits to memory every single sensation he can. The last, very last thing he expected was for Charlie to push him against the wall and kiss back with a fervor and heat that could rival any fire. When they finally pull apart, lips bruised and bright red, they’re wearing matching smiles. Charlie steps back and holds out his hand as he gestures, not to the bedroom, but to his office. Their work wasn’t done, was never done, but they were going to do what they did best and they were going to do it, together. 

YEAH uhm this got away from me on my lunch break but I just have SO MUCH to say about them and Porter/Danny and my coworkers think I’m weird because I was giggling and smiling because these two are so cute and sweet, but still angry and vicious in the chaotic good way they always are.

LASTLY, please don’t get me started on fucking Uncle Ben who, when they tell him they’re together, talks about chakras and getting them “seeds for their garden,” before berating them about the financial and spiritual value of composting.

AND very lastly, should we discuss Danny/Porter now because they need their own discussion :D