#he openly talks about men he finds attractive. w his wife

[the-meme-monarch]

Wolf Tobin's bi trans swag

[altisee]

I Left the Door Open

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Konro Sagamiya x F!Reader

Summary: Remember the saying "the walls have ears"? Unfortunately, or should I say, fortunately, you didn't know about it because that led to you having sex with your Captain's Lieutenant.

Warning: 18+ content, fingering, oral sex, getting caught? age-gap

Words: 1512

A/N: It should be illegal for this man-wife to be this hot.

I think this is better than my first one, hope you like it because I did haha --- Konro found you sleeping defenseless on the couch again. This has been going on since last week. You keep walking around the house wearing a shirt without a bra underneath and with shorts that go much higher than usual. One time during dinner, you wore a white shirt which allowed your nipples to be more visible, and he couldn't help but notice how they would harden as they brushed against the fabric. He ended up excusing himself from the table that night to relieve the pain from his throbbing length.

The others don't seem to mind. Konro even brought this up with Beni one time. 'What? Isn't this your chance?' Beni chuckled. 'You are also attracted to her, so why don't you just tell her and fuck her already?'

Well, he is probably right. A lot of times, Tamaki, your friend, would come over. She practically has shown everything already with her lucky lecher, and he doesn't think any of it. But with you, the sensation is different. He's been lusting after you for months now, and with you recently flaunting your body just increased the number of times he had to do it alone at night.

He saw you shift your body, lying now in a supine position, with tousled hair falling on the side of your cheek. He finds you irresistible. Your shirt moved up a bit, baring the soft skin of your abdomen. He has often told you to use a blanket so you won't catch a cold, yet never listen. The weight that shifted when he sat next to you woke you up. He placed his hand on your waist, staring at it as he brushed your bare skin with his thumb. Without looking up, he said, 'How many times do I have to tell you, if you want to sleep openly like this, do it in your room. Those men enter freely in this house. What if they see you like this?' He finally lifted his stare from your waist to meet your eyes, but you shy away from his. 'But the only men that go in this living room are you and waka.' you answered drowsily. He cupped your chin to make you look at him. 'Exactly, so which one of us are you trying to seduce?'

That woke every cell in your body, and you felt your cheeks warm instantly. 'W-What are you saying? I'm not-' you stopped and muttered the last words to yourself, 'seducing anyone.' You pushed him lightly to get up and sit properly next to him.

He is not entirely off the mark. You have been interested in him since you entered the 7th but never dared to say it because you thought he wouldn't see you that way.

Last week, your friends came over and talked about how to seduce the lieutenant. They showed ways similar to how they see couples in the novels. Now that you think about it, what kind of books were they reading? And why in Adolla did you follow those two in the first place? Maki, for one, have never been in a relationship, and Tamaki, she just recently started dating Takeru from Company 2.

He sighed, 'you left your door open, so I overheard you guys talking last week.' Your eyes widened, and you buried your face with your hands.

'This is embarrassing.'

'So.' He leaned near your ears, 'which one of us is it for?' he started to plant a kiss on your neck. Giving you time to pull away if you do not want this. Seeing your flustered reaction drew a smile across his face. So he continued kissing your neck down to your shoulder. 'Y-you already know it!' you groaned because he stopped. He looked at you without saying anything, implying that you have to say it. You took a breath and said in a low voice, 'Y-you. It was for you, so p-please, don't stop.'

He smiled with a mischief look in his eyes and quickly returned to kissing your neck. 'Hm, go on.' He's enjoying this, you thought to yourself.

Your breathing starts to quicken, and you can hear his are getting heavy too. 'It's because I wanted you to notice me.' a small moan left your mouth as he nibbled your reddened ears, 'and to touch me.'

'Touch you?' he lined the curve of your body with his warm hands that ironically sent chills to your spine. Slipping them under your shirt but stopping just below your breast. 'Like this?'

'Ah, more,' you moaned.

You can't count how many times you thought of doing this with him. But you are sure that this is way better than all the scenarios you had imagined.

Konro dropped on his knees in front of you, pulling your clothes down and exposing your sex to him. Spreading your legs, he kissed the inner side of your first thigh and then the other. Your eyes weren't moving away from him, and you can see how he circled his tongue in your skin, closing near your wet folds. You drew your head back in pleasure as his mouth moved to the bud of your clit, teasing it slowly with his warm tongue.

You want him inside more, so you spread your legs wider. As if he read your mind, he instantly replied by plunging his tongue inside you that made you moan and gasp harder. 'You taste so good,' he said. Gliding his tongue in and out of you, using his thumb to rhythmically possess your sensitive bud. The pleasure was incredible.

He suddenly stopped for a bit, but you carefully gripped his shoulder, asking him to do you more. You don't care anymore if someone suddenly comes in and sees what you guys are doing. All you could think of was his mouth against yours and how he's circling and sucking your hardened clit. He changes his tempo from slow to a fast but steady rhythm bringing you closer to coming. He entered you with his fingers, which brought immense pressure between your legs that cascaded throughout your body. You shuddered as he made you come, but it wasn't enough for him.

Without letting your mind catch up to your pleasure, he pinned you on the couch. He pulled down his fire brigade trouser showing you his length. You gulped at how big he was. He lined his cock in your entrance, and without wasting any time, he slid himself fully inside you. He moaned to your tightness.

After he fucked you countless times in his mind, he finally has you. The kind and gentle lieutenant you know is now devouring you like a different person. 'Ah- Who are you?' you moaned with pleasure. He smirked at your playful remark and grunted as he thrust harder inside you.

Both your moans filled the entire room. He bent down to kiss you to stop you from screaming. Your arms circled in his shoulders, and he deepened the kiss. You felt him hardened inside you when you entered his mouth with your tongue. He gasped, 'do you like it?' You nodded. He lifted one of your legs so he could position himself to fuck you harder as he moved faster. You move your hips with him, and every thrust slides against your throbbing clit. You tensed up and cried his name as your orgasm spread to your body. Your wet walls tightening around his cock sent him grunting as he released his load inside you. He only stopped thrusting when he became soft and finally pulled his penis out of you as he groaned.

The room is filled with the smell of your desire and sex. It became quiet with only your panting, and heavy breathing could be heard. 'Let's get you dressed,' Konro said with a smile. He looked at you and kissed you before he got up to fix his kimono.

Beni entered with his hands crossed under his hakama, leaning against the wall. 'Heh, finished already?' He chuckled.

It brought your senses back, and you quickly grabbed the shorts that Konro was extending and got up. Fixing your disheveled hair in an attempt to hide any fact that you just had sex with your Captain's Lieutenant.

'S-since when were you-'

Beni cut you off. 'Since Konro was going down on you, he even shot me a look telling me to go away.' He complained teasingly.

Ah! Was that why he suddenly stopped for a bit?!

Your entire face turned red. 'Why didn't you tell me?!' You punched Konro's arm with your weak fist, and he rubbed it as if he was hurt, but you know entirely well it didn't. He just laughed and apologized.

'So what was her reaction when you finally told that we heard them?' Beni added.

'We?' You were shocked. 'What?! Waka heard it too?!' you shot another look at Konro for not telling you, but he just laughed with Beni.

'Ugh, I had enough embarrassment for this day.' you said as you jolted to your room in disbelief.

[bored-mumma]

Steve rogers - fluff alphabet

Masterlist

Chris evans version

A = Attractive. What do they find attractive about the other?

He loves how you see the bright side in every situation. He can be going down the rabbit hole and getting pissed off with it all, but along comes you, desperately trying to show Steve the positive side in everything. He adores that and always takes your opinions on board.

B = Baby. Do they want a family? Why/Why not?

No. He’s not even sure if he can have children! But even if he could, it would be a big no from him. Bringing a child into his life wouldn’t be fair and he didn’t want his enemies to target his children.

C = Cuddle. How do they cuddle?

Arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close. He’s usually the big spoon.

D = Dates. What are dates with them like?

They’re few and far between so when you and Steve do finally get some time for a date, it’s usually very intimate and just the two of you. More often than not you would spend the evening at home, order a take out and simply cuddle on the sofa watching something on TV. Your lives were always so busy and fast paced so actually getting some time to sit back and relax in each others arms is as close to heaven as you’ll ever get.

E = Everything. You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)

You are my dream come true.

F = Feelings. When did they know they were falling in love?

He can’t remember the exact moment he fell in love, he just knew it happened pretty fast. When you first met he found you extremely beautiful and would sneak looks at you as often as he could but he didn’t actually get a chance to speak to you until a couple weeks later. When he did, you two clicked pretty quickly and Steve asked you out for dinner. Before he knew it, he was imagining your future together, your wedding, your home, your life as a couple. It hit him like a train.

G = Gentle. Are they gentle? If so, how?

He’s pretty gentle with you. He knows his strength and is pretty mindful of it when holding your hand or having his arm wrapped around your waist.

H = Holding Hands. How do they like to hold hands?

He loves to hold your hand. Almost feels proud to openly show he belongs to you and you him. He’ll link his fingers with yours, rubbing his thumb along your skin.

I = Impression. First impression/s?

He noticed you when you walked into the meeting room to hand some files to Fury. He didn’t know who you were or what your job was but he did know you were utterly breath taking. As said above, it took him a few weeks to speak to you but when he did, he noticed your strong will and opinions which he adored.

J- Joker. Are they into pulling pranks?

He doesn’t really get the time to pull pranks, but does enjoy doing them when he gets the chance. Especially when the two of you team up and do a prank on Sam and Bucky. You did one on Natasha once, but it didn’t go down very well.

K = Kiss. How do they kiss?

In every way possible. With his hands on your waist as he gently kisses you to show affection. One hand on the back of your neck, another on the small of your back as he desperately kissed your breath away. A quick peck between meetings. A strong, passionate one as he hugged you as close as possible to him when he comes back from a mission. There’s a million ways he kisses you and each one is as amazing as the last.

L = Love. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

You do. He had come back from a particularly difficult mission and was a little down as you were comforting him. Holding him in your arms, you looked up at him, give him a loving kiss and whispered the words you had longed to say for a while now. 

M = Memory. What’s their favourite memory together?

It doesn't happen often thanks to your guys' jobs, but the first time you two had a "normal" day out together. Went to a museum, had a coffee, went for lunch, walk through the park. Stuff that seems so simple to others was your fondness memory.

N = Nickel. Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?

Surprising enough, being captain America doesn't pay as much as one would think. He likes to spoil you on your birthday, anniversary and Christmas but throughout the rest of the year money can sometimes be a little tight (you know Tony would always help but you would never ever ask. It's a pride thing) so you don't get spoilt with material things. Although Steve makes it up with love and gestures.

O = Orange. What colour reminds them of their other half?

Yellow! Just like you, the colour yellow represents joy, warmth, optimism and light. Pretty much how Steve would always describe you.

P = Petnames. What petnames do they use?

“Doll.” and “Love.”

Q = Quaint. What is their favourite non-modern thing?

He loves going to the theatre. Enjoying a show with you, both dressed in black tie formal, hand rested in each others. He also loves the buzz of laughs around him and the gasps from the audience - something you don't get in a cinema.

R = Rainy Day

Rain or shine, Steve Rogers has a job to do. It's very rare you two would get a day together so even if it's pouring it down outside, you can bet your ass he's still dragging you out for a date.

S = Sad. How do they cheer themselves/others up?

He struggles a little with expressing his feelings. Men being allowed to show distressed emotion wasn't really a thing of the early 1900's and was something Steve found a little hard to actually do. You told him repeatedly feeling down or anxious isn't something to be ashamed of. It would take a while but with some comforting words and hugs, Steve would open up to you. Simply being able to express his emotions so openly with his lover would help make him feel better.

T = Talking. What do they like to talk about?

Steve loves to speak to you and what you’re passionate about. Watching your face light up as you get lost in what you’re saying, your hands moving as you really get into it. He could sit back and watch you for hours.

U = Unencumbered. What helps them relax?

Dragging your nails along his scalp as he rests his head on your chest, listening to your breathing as your body warms him.

V = Vaunt. What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?

His strength! He still remembers what it was like to be a small skinny man and he bloody loves to show off his muscles to you. He’ll carry all the shopping from the car, would move all furniture when you moved in together, does a lot of workouts where he knew you would see. You loved it just as much as he did.

W = Wedding. When, how, where do they propose?

Steve is a pretty traditional man. Tony pulled some strings and got Steve a table at one of the nicest restaurants around. You two had a lovely dinner, Steve ordering your favourite drink and telling you to order anything that catches your eye. Between the main meal and your dessert, Steve walked around the table, got on one knee and asked you to be his wife.

X = Xylophone. What’s their song?

Everyone gave him a long list of music artists to listen too when he woke up in 2011. One of which was Whitney Houston. “I will always love you” is one he likes as it calms him down.

Y = You. You are the ___ to my ___ (e.g. the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

You are the beat to my heart.

Z = Zebra. If they wanted a pet, what would they get?

A dog. He wants to get a security dog for when he is away from missions to make sure you’re always safe. He lets you choose the breed though.

[floral-and-fine]

Endless Orange part 1

Fred Weasley x Fem reader

Summary: Feeling lonely, fate leads Fred to a coffee shop. 

A/n: Hey, y'all! This story will definitely have more than one part! Already almost done with part 2 :) I'm having a lot of fun with it and I'm pretty happy with it so far! It'll probably be mostly fluff and maybe some smut, we'll see :P Enjoy!

Thank you @luna-xial​ for the help!

Fred sighed as he started closing up shop for the night. He sent George home early. It seemed appropriate for his brother, who had a beautiful wife and children waiting for him, to get every chance he could to spend the evening at home with them.

George had suggested that they close early and that Fred should join them for dinner, but he declined the offer.

While Fred was always welcomed in their home, he was beginning to feel like a burden. Gradually, more and more of his time was spent alone. He was beginning to feel like a third wheel. The uncle who was constantly hanging around, staying longer than he should, well after the children had gone to bed.

Even amongst the rest of his family, he felt left out, it was a rather odd thing to feel. Everyone seemed to have somebody, his parents had each other, Bill had Fluer, Percy had Audrey, George had Angelina, Ron had Hermione, Ginny had Harry, even Charlie had his dragons… He had never felt like the odd man out before.

Up until recently, Fred and George had been moving in the same direction born together, went to school together, worked together…but now his life and the life of his twin had finally splintered and they were finally on different paths.

Fred often caught himself wanting to turn to George and share an idea or a witty joke, only to realize that his brother wasn’t there.

He was truly happy for George and Angelina. He just sort of wished that he had someone too.

But instead of meeting anyone or even trying to meet anyone, Fred focused on the business. He spent countless hours working alone on new products. Stayed late doing whatever he could to stay distracted.

If Fred was being honest with himself, he’d admit that all the time he was spent at work was to avoid having to deal with his loneliness. Sometimes he even worked through the night or would fall asleep in the workshop to avoid having to come home to his dark and empty apartment.

Fred tucked his hands into his pockets, there wasn’t anything left for him to do. Everything was clean, shelves were stocked, the store was all set for tomorrow.

He would spend time developing new products but lately, he was having a dry spell, no new ideas or if he did have one it wasn’t any good.

Fred started feeling anxious, standing there in an empty store with nothing but silence to keep him company, slowly that lonely feeling he dreaded was starting to sink in.

Shaking his head, he quickly slipped on his jacket and locked the door.

Outside the air was cool and crisp, and the night sky was full of stars. Not wanting to go home, Fred started walking aimlessly.

Most of the businesses he passed were closed for the night. The streets were dark and vacant with the exception of the occasional street lamp and stray cat.  

Fred mulled over ideas in his head for new products, he had been thinking about that age line spell from 6th year, wondering if there was a way him and George could create a cream or candy that would age the user by 100 years, temporarily of course.

He frowned to himself, wondering if it was even a good idea and if their customers would even buy something like that.

Could just be a waste of time… or it could be a fun prank to pull on someone else. The kids who witnessed him and George suddenly become old men seemed to find it pretty hilarious. Fred continued to go back and forth on the idea until he gave up.

He groaned loudly, this was way easier when George was around to bounce ideas off of. He’d just have to wait until tomorrow morning, see what George had to say then.

Fred finally stopped walking once he realized that he had no clue where he was. He could easily apparate home, but his eyes were drawn to the building he stopped in front of.

The warm light was like a beacon, pulling Fred to it, without thinking he entered the small muggle establishment.

Inside it was cozy and smelled of vanilla and cinnamon.

The woman behind the counter watched Fred intently with a playful smile on her lips. His unique orange suit that clashed with his red hair piqued her interest, making her want to know more about him. He was by far the most intriguing person that’s walked in all week.

He carefully took in his new surroundings, mismatched furniture, local artwork decorating the walls, and the homey interior that reminded him of the burrow.

“Can I help you?” She spoke up, finally drawing his attention to her.

Fred blinked a few times, his mouth hanging open, he wasn’t expecting to meet anyone so...attractive. He openly stared a moment longer, taking in her features and her bright smile.

As he was about to reply, his mouth snapped shut, it just dawned on him that he didn’t have any money to pay for anything, well not any money that she’d want anyway.

Sheepishly running his hand through his hair, Fred chuckled, “‘Afraid I don’t have any money on me.”

“That’s alright, find a place to sit and I’ll bring you a little something,” y/n said pulling out an orange mug.

“You don’t have to do that,” Fred objected.

She laughed, “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing fancy. I’m gonna have to throw out this pot of coffee in a bit anyway.”

Fred smiled and took a seat by the window. She brought him a cup of coffee and a scone on a small matching plate, setting them both in front of him.

“Thank you…. y/n,” Fred added reading her name on the tag pinned to her apron. “I’m Fred, by the way,” he introduced himself.

“You’re welcome, I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s just old coffee and a stale pastry.”

She lingered by the table, rocking slightly on the balls of her feet. “May I ask you a question?” Y/n finally asked, tilting her head.

“Sure,” Fred answered, taking a big bite of the scone, now realizing how hungry he was.

“What’s with the suit?”

He chuckled, “just left work.”

Y/n nodded, “and?”

Fred just stared at her, not quite understanding her interest in the suit.

“It’s just such an unusual color,” she explained, now noticing the gold ‘W’ pin on his tie and the playful design on his dress shirt.

“Oh, well, you see my brother George and I run a joke shop together, the suit just kind of goes with it all.”

She clapped her hands together, “That’s fantastic! Honestly, I love it, it’s a great suit.” Without thinking y/n took the seat across from Fred, not that he minded.

“So you and your brother own a joke shop? You look awfully young to own your own business.”

“Georgie and I have had a lifelong passion for practical jokes and pranks,” he explained, adding an obscene amount of sugar to his coffee. “We started designing and making our own products while we were still in school.”

“That’s incredible,” y/n gushed. “So as boys did you guys start off with things like hand buzzers and whoopee cushions?”

Fred quirked an eyebrow, what in the world was a whoopee cushion, “a what?”

“Oh you know, it’s a rubber cushion filled with air that you hide on someone’s seat, so it makes it sound like they broke wind,” she described.

Fred laughed, “That’s brilliant.”

He didn’t quite share his father’s interest in muggle gadgets, but maybe that’ll change. He could already imagine what the magical counterpart of a whoopee cushion would be like.

“What were some of your favorite pranks from your childhood?” Y/n asked, leaning forward, her eyes sparkling with delight.

Fred started sharing stories of some of their earlier pranks, making sure he left out all talk of magic and spells. The sound of her laughter and genuine interest spurred him on.

“Fireworks? Really? That’s unbelievable!” She gasped.

“I don’t think you quite grasp how much we despised that woman,” He smirked, finishing off his cup of coffee.

Y/n sighed, it had been quite some time since she’d had so much fun. She was about to ask him another question until she spotted the clock hanging on the wall.

“Oh wow!” She announced practically jumping out of her seat. “It’s getting late! It’s already past closing.”

“Sorry,” Fred started, standing up and getting ready to leave, but y/n lightly swatted his arm.

“Don’t be! I really enjoyed talking with you.” She grabbed the empty dishes off the table. Looking up at Fred, she bit her lip. “Maybe I’ll see you again sometime.”

A wide grin formed on Fred’s face, “Do you work tomorrow night?”

[whattoreadinsteadofdrinking]

fuck the patriarchy

The title is self explanatory, but I’m going to explain anyways

I feel like I am deep in a forest of rage and the path that brought me here, to the middle of this angry angry forest, where the trees are screaming with frustration and I am simply adding my sympathetic screech to their general cacophony, is the patriarchy.

My thesis statement here is, that toxic masculinity make it so that men in general are allowed to be, if not bad, then very mediocre, with no consequence and no expectation to change.  And it is agonizing to be a woman in a world of mediocre men.  Agonizing.  It is painful to watch my female friends settle for men who contribute nothing to their household, nothing to their relationship, and they are happy because “he doesn’t cheat and he doesn’t hit me” (in more or less words.)  I had a conversation with two of my female coworkers today and this was what they were saying about their husbands.  I cannot.  I cannnnnnoooooooooooooooooootttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

I wrote above that men are allowed to be “very mediocre.”  That seems like a weird word choice because isn’t mediocrity by its very nature, not something that can be described with a qualitative adjective/adverb?? Something that is mediocre just....is.  It shouldn’t be able to be VERY average, right?  Well you’re wrong.  I mean VERY mediocre.  I mean that toxic masculinity has normalized male-on-female violence and oppression to the point that a man can have the actual personality of tapioca pudding and little-to-no emotional intimacy, and still find a wife.  A wife who will do the vast majority of all household chores and be expected to rear his offspring and do so for free, or if she works, make less than him.  Literally men do not even have to be attractive to get women because society has conditioned us to expect women to be beautiful, and to value us based on patriarchal racist fat-phobic beauty standards, and has conditioned women to value men based on....what?? Their ability to earn money?? I don’t know.  But I do know it’s not physical attractiveness-- or rather, if it is, the expectation for being physically attractive as a male is much more attainable.  That’s part of what I mean by “very mediocre.”  The bar is SO LOW, y’all. 

 My two friends today talked and talked about their lazy husbands who literally do nothing at home despite them both working full times and doing 90% of the child rearing, and their husbands are not conventionally attractive but like everyone has their own standard for that so who am I to say, and so I asked “what made you know that he was the one you wanted to marry??” and they both said “Oh he was really a family man.  I could tell right away.  He always talked about how he wanted a family.”  I just sat there aghast because both these men have 1) cheated on their wives 2) not contributed to the family emotionally and 3) one of them, who is expecting their first child, told his wife he was not excited to have a baby once they finally got pregnant after trying for years.  When she told me that I didn’t even know what to say and I tried to comfort her.  She wasn’t worried.  She didn’t want my comfort.  She replied, “Oh, he’s just being a guy.”  And that reply is what I mean. That’s what I mean by “Very mediocre.”  That is the most mediocre thing I can think of and it hurts to see that she thinks this is fine. I don’t think that guys are that way in general-- but I think toxic masculinity has made it so that when they are this way, we expect it, we excuse it, and by doing that we really condone it.

My coworkers then went on to pity me openly for being single and to make fun of me for having so many dating stories.  I wanted to say, the reason I have so many dating stories is because I am still looking for a man who I can be with and have some sense of equality.  what I did not say to them is, “I’d be embarassed as FUCK to be seen with the men you have chosen and I would never allow myself to stay with someone who contributed so little to our relationship.”  But I didn’t say that because I felt sad for them.  They think I’m lonely and sad being on my own.  I’m not.  It does not occur to them that I love having my own life, with friends and dogs and an apartment decorated how I love it and time to pursue my interests and time to date men who truly interest me until they no longer do or I no longer interest them.  That life seems sad to them.  I wanted to say, “I’m free, and I know my worth, and I wish I could show you yours and that it’s so much more than being an unpaid Babysitter to grown men who are like another child in your household” but you can’t say that.  So I didn’t.

“I wanted to say something but I didn’t”  is another way of saying “I wanted to say something but I felt like I couldn’t,” which is how I feel when it comes to stuff like this.  One of my friends basically just always tries to hook me up with his friends on dates.  Sometimes he tries to set me up with our mutual male friends, while they are in the same room.  I’ve said a lot of times that this makes me uncomfortable and asked him to stop doing it and he hasn’t.  Last night at Bible study he tried to tell me he knew that this summer when I go to Spain I’m going to come back with a husband.  I said I wasn’t interested in marriage and he just kept going on.  This is literally days after reprimanding me for turning down our mutual friend for a date.  

Said mutual friend, let’s call him Joe, asked me out almost a year ago now.  We had gone to dinner in a big friend group and someone had asked me about online dating, and I had shared openly that I was not interested in dating right then. Then the next day, at Bible study with the same group of friends, I shared (in what I felt was a safe, confidential setting) that I was not dating because I was in a season of really working on my relationship with myself and with God.  Joe heard me say those things, then waited til we left the building and called me aside “to talk real quick.”  He proceeded to ask me out.  I laughed out loud and said “you must not have heard me.”  But then I demurred because I didn’t-- surprise surprise!!-- feel like I could say anything about how wildly inappropriate it was for him to ask me out after I had just shared what I had shared. 

 He said he heard what I said and respected it (FALSE) but that he felt he “had to ask me out anyway or else he’d miss a great opportunity.”  OPPORTUNITY FOR WHAT?  An opportunity to show that you respect none of the words coming out of my mouth or the boundaries I’m setting?  An opportunity to make me feel like I can’t share openly in my faith-based community without having it be seen as a challenge to change my mind about romantic relationships?  I said no and explained why again (this is the third time he had heard my explanation now.)  He said we could get coffee as friends instead and I said that is fine, but it would be just friends, like if I got coffee with a woman from the group (I am not bisexual so implying that it would be totally platonic.)  Even after saying the phrase “totally platonic” he said “great.  We can meet at Starbucks.  It will be good to get a drink and talk and just explore if there could be something between us.”  HE STILL DID NOT UNDERSTAND.  I could not believe it.  It’s worth mentioning at this point that it was 20 degrees outside with an even lower windchill and I was freezing my ass off trying to explain in words this man could understand that while I was uninterested in dating in general, I was specifically uninterested in dating him, when he had just shown me he would never listen to me or take my words seriously the first, second, or third times.  You think I’m going to put myself in situations alone with you when you won’t hear me say “no” on something as innocent as a coffee date?? Hell nah bro.  I said no coffee date even as friends and now it’s been a year, and his friend in the group is reprimanding me for not going out with him and telling me to give him a chance.  No.  No. No

So now I feel really uncomfortable at Bible study which is a big deal because that’s supposed to be a safe space.  That’s supposed to be a place, and a people, that help me connect with God.  And it is-- but it’s harder now.  I know what I have to do-- I have to make this guy, who won’t leave me alone about dating and keeps trying to hook me up with his friend, really uncomfortable.  I have to say in a clear firm voice in front of everyone that I don’t want these comments being made anymore.  And I know already that everyone is going to think I’ am being a bitch.  Just for saying my feelings.  Just for speaking up.  I’m the one who will end up looking like the bad guy even though this will be the 5th time I’ve asked him to stop doing this and he has never respected it.  OH, and Joe?? A year later, almost to the day of my rejecting him initially, he asked our friend group to one of those Painting with a Twist nights.  I said no and he asked why so I said the truth which is 1) I don’t want to pay money to have someone tell me what to paint and 2) I don’t drink, so the whole thing is a waste of 30 bucks for me.  He said he understood and then immediately followed up by saying we could hang out some other time-- maybe go salsa dancing together.  I just can’t.  What do I have to do to  be understood?? 

In conclusion, here’s this short story, which is beautiful and sad and poignant and tells all of how I am feeling, so much better than I just did. Men are being cheated out of the ability to function in a way that is healthy and leads to mutually edifying relationships-- and that is tragic.  It’s tragic for them and for us.  It makes me sad.  Maybe my anger forest is really just so sad and being angry is safer.  Sadness slows you down but anger keeps you warm.  I don’t know where to go from here but I’ll tend to these feelings and see what happens.  I’ll feel the feelings til I don’t anymore, or til I still do but they are manageable.  In the meantime, read this.

“Cat Person” by Kristen Roupenian

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/12/11/cat-person

[mikemortgage]

Men on Wall Street are so spooked by the #MeToo movement they’re avoiding women at all costs

No more dinners with female colleagues. Don’t sit next to them on flights. Book hotel rooms on different floors. Avoid one-on-one meetings.

In fact, as a wealth adviser put it, just hiring a woman these days is “an unknown risk.” What if she took something he said the wrong way?

Across Wall Street, men are adopting controversial strategies for the #MeToo era and, in the process, making life even harder for women.

Call it the Pence Effect, after U.S. Vice President Mike Pence, who has said he avoids dining alone with any woman other than his wife. In finance, the overarching impact can be, in essence, gender segregation.

The corporate climb: women locked out of old boys’ club in misguided #MeToo backlash

Canadian directors see ‘trouble ahead’ for the economy, survey finds

Howard Levitt: #MeToo’s most potent enemy: higher awards for harassment victims in the workplace

Interviews with more than 30 senior executives suggest many are spooked by #MeToo and struggling to cope. “It’s creating a sense of walking on eggshells,” said David Bahnsen, a former managing director at Morgan Stanley who’s now an independent adviser overseeing more than US$1.5 billion.

This is hardly a single-industry phenomenon, as men across the country check their behaviour at work, to protect themselves in the face of what they consider unreasonable political correctness — or to simply do the right thing. The upshot is forceful on Wall Street, where women are scarce in the upper ranks. The industry has also long nurtured a culture that keeps harassment complaints out of the courts and public eye, and has so far avoided a mega-scandal like the one that has engulfed Harvey Weinstein.

‘Real Loss’

Now, more than a year into the #MeToo movement — with its devastating revelations of harassment and abuse in Hollywood, Silicon Valley and beyond — Wall Street risks becoming more of a boy’s club, rather than less of one.

“Women are grasping for ideas on how to deal with it, because it is affecting our careers,” said Karen Elinski, president of the Financial Women’s Association and a senior vice president at Wells Fargo & Co. “It’s a real loss.”

There’s a danger, too, for companies that fail to squash the isolating backlash and don’t take steps to have top managers be open about the issue and make it safe for everyone to discuss it, said Stephen Zweig, an employment attorney with FordHarrison.

“If men avoid working or traveling with women alone, or stop mentoring women for fear of being accused of sexual harassment,” he said, “those men are going to back out of a sexual harassment complaint and right into a sex discrimination complaint.”

Channeling Pence

While the new personal codes for dealing with #MeToo have only just begun to ripple, the shift is already palpable, according to the people interviewed, who declined to be named. They work for hedge funds, law firms, banks, private equity firms and investment-management firms.

For obvious reasons, few will talk openly about the issue. Privately, though, many of the men interviewed acknowledged they’re channeling Pence, saying how uneasy they are about being alone with female colleagues, particularly youthful or attractive ones, fearful of the rumour mill or of, as one put it, the potential liability.

The Charging Bull and Fearless Girl statues in New York.

A manager in infrastructure investing said he won’t meet with female employees in rooms without windows anymore; he also keeps his distance in elevators. A late-40-something in private equity said he has a new rule, established on the advice of his wife, an attorney: no business dinner with a woman 35 or younger.

The changes can be subtle but insidious, with a woman, say, excluded from casual after-work drinks, leaving male colleagues to bond, or having what should be a private meeting with a boss with the door left wide open.

‘Not That Hard’

On Wall Street as elsewhere, reactions to #MeToo can smack of paranoia, particularly given the industry’s history of protecting its biggest revenue generators.

“Some men have voiced concerns to me that a false accusation is what they fear,” said Zweig, the lawyer. “These men fear what they cannot control.”

There are as many or more men who are responding in quite different ways. One, an investment adviser who manages about 100 employees, said he briefly reconsidered having one-on-one meetings with junior women. He thought about leaving his office door open, or inviting a third person into the room.

Finally, he landed on the solution: “Just try not to be an asshole.”

That’s pretty much the bottom line, said Ron Biscardi, chief executive officer of Context Capital Partners. “It’s really not that hard.”

In January, as #MeToo was gathering momentum, Biscardi did away with the late-night, open-bar gathering he’d hosted for years in his penthouse suite during Context Capital’s annual conference at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach. “Given the fact that women are in the minority at our events, we want to make sure that the environment is always welcoming and comfortable. We felt that eliminating the after-party was necessary to remain consistent with that goal.”

In this charged environment, the question is how the response to #MeToo might actually end up hurting women’s progress. Given the male dominance in Wall Street’s top jobs, one of the most pressing consequences for women is the loss of male mentors who can help them climb the ladder.

“There aren’t enough women in senior positions to bring along the next generation all by themselves,” said Lisa Kaufman, chief executive officer of LaSalle Securities. “Advancement typically requires that someone at a senior level knows your work, gives you opportunities and is willing to champion you within the firm. It’s hard for a relationship like that to develop if the senior person is unwilling to spend one-on-one time with a more junior person.”

Men have to step up, she said, and “not let fear be a barrier.”

–With assistance from Max Abelson and Sonali Basak.

Bloomberg.com

from Financial Post https://ift.tt/2rkND5S via IFTTT Blogger Mortgage Tumblr Mortgage Evernote Mortgage Wordpress Mortgage href="https://www.diigo.com/user/gelsi11">Diigo Mortgage

[nottebuio3006]

It is kind of interesting what has happened with Rebecca's cell phone number for me now. In a way, I sure hope she hasa in fact blocked me because her cell phone number has just turned into this "box" that I throw thoughts into randomly, the moment I feel them.

It's sort of like the way you can send text messages to your own number, in order to remind yourself of something, et cetera -- except now I don't have to worry about the texts bouncing back and repeating themselves. In the past week since she blocked me I have typed a lot of stuff into the "empty well of no replies". Prinicipally I have been typing stuff I always sort of wish I had more courage to say directly to her, like about how I am ,in truth, attracted to men, just like she is, but how I still don't feel "gay".

I told the empty void that has now become Rebeccas number all about how ,just because I like men, it doesn't mean I can't also easily see myself spending my life with her, or marrying her, et cetera. It's very easy fr me to see Rebecca as my wife, which is something we discussed, but it's also easy for me to see myself following a "gay path"...if she is not to hang around. And I think maybe ..because I did often try to hint to her that I am defiitely bisexual...I think maybe it was all of this that disturbed her and frightened her, and made her think she didn't want to be w/ me. For the truth about Rebecca and her back story is actually sort of weird, but it does involve some serious gay anxiety. She thinks her father is gay, or actually I think she *knows* he is gay (she apparently once found some weird Craigslist emails he was exchanging with a man) and so she sort of probably has a fear over marrying a man who would pop out on her as "completely gay" one day. I would imagine it would be embarassing, and so I guess her approach to it all is that she seems to hook up with these guys who not only do not seem gay, but who actually seem positively anti and hateful of gays. The problem here, I think, is that Rebecca doesn't understand what I personally see as the very serious reality of the spectrum. This means to say that a lot of guys who are okay with the gay community, and who don't live in constant fear/hate of it, are probably , you know, much more likely to one day "pop out as gay". It's like I was almost trying to teach her that -- that her father could still be a good man but also a queer-- but it back fired. For the truth about me is that I know I don't seem gay, at all, to Rebecca. I seem like a nortmal man. At times I even came off, I think, as being somewhat in control of her absolutely lunatic boyfriend. He listened to me and I often taught him many things about masculine topics he, much to my surprise,  knew next to  nothing of, i.e. histories of the US wars, cowboy culture, old country song culture, how Republicans are born, particular war tactics that the Romans created centuries ago,  and even at times gun culture would I discuss with him.  These are all basically just topics I know. They are not necessarily things I like. They're just things I know because I read. If you want to understand how Caesar conquered the world, you have to read about the tactics that the Roman military used. It doesn't mean I like the military myself. But it's a part of the world. To this absolute imbecile dunce she ws dating of course, anyone who spoke even remotely about the military in any depth was "automatically a lover of all things manly and masculine".

The basic point of it all is that Rebecca now seems convinced that, unless she dates an essentially psychotic man who acts out his "masculinity" in totally toxic ways, she is in danger of ending up with a man who is going to ultimately 'embarass' her by coming out as fully gay, or leaving her for a man, et cetera, at some point in the future. I suppose I can understand the anxiety and I guess I really just went "too far" for her comfort in terms of talking about being bi or even hinting at it, and so forth. I should have just sort of hit pause but instead I kept going wiith it and basically I did this because Rebecca never really...well,I never really knew if she was just a good friend or something more. So if she was just a good lady friend, I wanted to tell her about this alternate LGBT path I sometimes dream/fantasize of following, and if she was somethig more, I wanted to tell her about this fantasy I also sometimes have of how I could be her husband, or like a father to her kids, etc. I think that Rebecca didn't understand that, if she had allowed me in as that role,  I would have vanquished the other path instantly. Of course she might find this hard to believe. I guess she did; which is why this is all just another potential reason she decided to cut me completely out of her life...

Either way I look at it, I still feel deep disappointment for what shes done, and I don't really sympathize with her much because, I mean,who the hell wants to be with someone this close minded and terrified of stuff like that anyways? Its 2017. How can you stll have such severe hang uups about all of this stuff? Its ridiculous and its not honest. What she's looking for is essentially an actor. Well, with her past two baby daddies, that's basically what she has found, since all they do is walking around "Acting" like they're the biggest most masculine men on Earth, even though they're just poor fools who have no real power besides from what little violence they can deal out. And not only are they poor as dirt and not actually bosses of anything  (none of us are )but they also **can't even openly express their feelings or emotions** becuase they feel so endlessly determined to act out this bullshit. So who is the better choice....

Again I dunno. I wonder when I'll finally get sick of writing about her. It feels good to just vomit like this. Hopefully soon I'll have no more vomit to spew.  

[newstfionline]

Mar-a-Lago, the Future Winter White House and Home of the Calmer Trump

By Maggie Haberman, NY Times, Jan. 1, 2017

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla.--When President-elect Donald J. Trump rang in the new year this weekend, he did it in Gatsby-like opulence, joined by the actor Sylvester Stallone, the gossip page fixture Fabio and a crowd of wealthy developers reveling under the swaying palm trees at Mr. Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach.

President George W. Bush had his ranch in Crawford, Tex. His father had a compound in Kennebunkport, Me. President Obama has taken frequent vacations in Hawaii, staying at a private home.

But Mr. Trump’s 118-room private club in Florida, where he has spent the past two weeks away from his home in New York City, is likely to eclipse them all as the 45th president’s winter White House. And that was always the intention of Marjorie Meriweather Post, the cereal heiress and the property’s original owner, who left Mar-a-Lago to the federal government when she died in 1973, hoping it would serve as a home for presidents.

But the government had no interest in her plan, and Mr. Trump later bought the property for less than $10 million, turning it into a club where membership costs six figures.

Mr. Trump’s arrival was greeted with sneers by the Palm Beach elite, and he opened up Mar-a-Lago’s membership to Jews and African-Americans, who had been excluded from other members-only establishments. He was also the first club owner on the island to admit an openly gay couple.

Since Mr. Trump’s victory in November, Mar-a-Lago has been stuffed with guests attracted by an amenity unique to this club: the chance to rub shoulders with the next president.

“It’s like going to Disneyland and knowing Mickey Mouse will be there all day long,” said Jeff Greene, a developer and unsuccessful Democratic candidate for the Senate from Florida in 2010, who is a Mar-a-Lago member and was a Hillary Clinton supporter.

Instead of hosting major corporate executives and potential cabinet secretaries for interviews inside a boxy transition office at Trump Tower in Midtown Manhattan, Mr. Trump has been seated at an ornately designed couch, upholstered in pale fabric laced with gold, beneath a chandelier hanging from the ceiling, a scene resembling a mansion in “Sunset Boulevard” or “Citizen Kane,” two of Mr. Trump’s favorite movies.

At night, the couches are moved out and tables are added to accommodate the evening cocktail crowd, among whom Mr. Trump moves from one table to the next, the most powerful greeter in the world.

At the annual New Year’s Eve party on Saturday night, a gold-laced white menu included “Mr. Trump’s wedge salad,” a wild mushroom and Swiss chard ravioli and a “breakfast buffet.” Those in attendance drifted in under a yellow-and-white striped awning, the men dressed in tuxedos, the women in ball gowns.

Guests stepped onto a red carpet as they entered the club and wandered over to a poolside cocktail party. Mr. Trump later delivered remarks, according to a guest, who said he thanked his family and the club members for their support over the years.

Mr. Trump returned to New York on Sunday night. But the club will remain an escape for him. His contentious Twitter posts belie his relative calm when he is at Mar-a-Lago compared with when he is isolated inside Trump Tower. Mr. Trump’s combative public persona--often on display during his campaign--mostly dissolves behind the carved-stone walls of his castle.

“Mar-a-Lago is an environment he can control,” said the historian Douglas Brinkley, who last week attended a Mar-a-Lago lunch with a longtime club member, Chris Ruddy, the chief executive of Newsmax Media. “I watched him hold court--he was so comfortable in his own skin, and so relaxed.”

Mr. Trump appears to feed off contact with the people at the club.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, he queried dinner guests about whether he should appoint Rudolph W. Giuliani or Mitt Romney as his secretary of state (he ended up picking neither).

During this trip, he has heaped praise on his ultimate choice for the job, Rex W. Tillerson, the head of Exxon Mobil. (Mr. Trump has called him “Mr. Exxon.”) He talks about the work he has done to find a solution for the problems at the Department of Veteran Affairs, which included a recent meeting with a number of executives at Mar-a-Lago. Mr. Trump told a New York Times reporter that he intended to make Brian Burns, the businessman son of a confidante of Joseph P. Kennedy, the ambassador to Ireland.

Isaac Perlmutter, the reclusive head of Marvel Entertainment, is a Mar-a-Lago member who helped Mr. Trump put that meeting together. Mr. Trump has also held sit-downs with Robert K. Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots and a club member, and hosted prominent figures like Carlos Slim, the billionaire who is Mexico’s richest man.

Mr. Trump; his wife, Melania; and their 10-year-old son, Barron, inhabit a residential area of the club. His adult children and their families usually stay in nearby cabanas on the property. Mr. Trump frequently dines on the patio, a central point of action, where at night a singer plays with a small band, sometimes belting out requests from Mr. Trump and other guests. (“My Way,” a song popularized by Frank Sinatra, was one recent choice.) A violinist sometimes moves among tables, plucking tunes like the theme from “Fiddler on the Roof.”

Mr. Trump has given the cadre of White House reporters who now cover him some access to the club, but grudgingly so--he once again eluded the reporters covering him on Saturday, slipping away without any warning to play golf at another of his clubs nearby in Jupiter.

Over the years, Mr. Trump has been at loggerheads with Palm Beach officials. He has filed lawsuits attempting to keep noisy planes from flying over Mar-a-Lago, and there have been disputes over the height of his oversize flagpole on the grounds.

With its owner’s coming new job, the club has had some changes. Guests now go through an elaborate security screen to gain access to the main entrance. Secret Service agents are now sprinkled throughout the property, at night blending into the shrubbery along the grounds.

“The loser in this game is Camp David,” said Mr. Brinkley, referring to the longtime presidential retreat in Maryland. “Once you’re at Mar-a-Lago, and it’s so opulent and resort-friendly, the idea of suddenly inserting yourself into Camp David’s Maryland mountains environment seems unlikely.”