#he ruined my two favorite characters because he cannot understand mental illnesses so it would help him

[littlefankingdom]

I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy, unless of course, we're talking about my ENEMY, Micheal Waldron.

Fuck you, Michael Waldron, you know what you did.

[musical-chick-13]

Cersei Lannister for the character ask thing :)

YAY MY ALL-TIME FAVE

• Did they live up to their potential? / In what ways was their potential unachieved?

-Um...YES. I’m going to focus on show here because...the books...aren’t finished...SO. Although I do wish the end of the show had focused more on the fallout of her history with Sansa and I do wish she had been afforded a more direct confrontation with Dany, I don’t think I could have ever asked for a better villain. I started watching the show because I was told there was a hot evil lady, and I could never have imagined the utter humanity Lena brought to her or the nuance and clearly-motivated yet realistic complexities afforded to Cersei’s character. I had waited my whole life for some female character any female character to be allowed to be fucked up. To do stupid things and make mistakes and feel ugly/extreme emotions and experience internalized misogyny and have terrible coping mechanisms and be mentally ill in an ugly (as in, not cute/romanticized) way. To keep going out of spite even though she thought there was nothing to keep going for. I saw little glimmers of that early season 1, and those only got better and better as Cersei only got more and more formidable as time went on. I truly am winning the most I love her so much.

• How they negatively and positively affected the story.

-The thing here is that without Cersei, there really is no overarching story. Her relationship with Jaime is what drives the entire plot and Ned’s uncovering of the court’s corruption. Her refusal to have Robert’s child on the throne (or give birth to his child in the first place) is what causes the succession crisis that even makes everyone else’s power plays a possibility. She spurs Sansa’s development from idealistic child to jaded young adult, which is lynchpin of the whole Northern Independence arc that ultimately ends in her being crowned there. And through all of this, she is both ruthless and sympathetic. She has understandable motivations: she is tired of being treated as less-than for being a woman. She feels like her life is meaningless in such a world if she cannot have power. Power is the only way to truly be safe. She wants to protect her children. She wants her father to understand her. She wants to break herself away from her womanhood but she can’t escape it. All of these things enrich the story because they make the watcher/reader ask, “What truly makes someone evil. Is what she’s doing that much worse than what anyone else in this show does? What course of defense does she have by not being an athletic woman who can physically fight? If love makes you do terrible things, is it always a force of good? What do we allow people to get by with in the name of protecting their family? At what point does self-preservation become irredeemably villainous? How do we talk about abuse of power when the people abused are also terrible people who do terrible things?” All of these questions deal with deconstructing the idea of black and white morality, which is, I would argue, the entire point of the series. So she serves that end quite nicely. :)

• What my favorite arc for them is.

Oooh, this is a tricky one. I’m a sucker for anything that allows Cersei to go absolutely feral and I love pain, so probably her fight against the Faith Militant. They try to take absolutely everything from her. She is so blinded by the threat  Margaery poses to her family’s and her stability, that she makes a not-too-well-thought-out decision. (You know, like a real person.) She loses her reputation, she gets thrown in prison, her main ally turns on her, and she goes through the Walk of Atonement, which is honestly probably the most painful thing I’ve ever fucking seen. She spends an entire season trying to pick up the pieces and it culminates in the most badass death-to-my-enemies scene I think I’ve ever seen. And to see a character pull themselves back up from the brink of complete ruin? Especially one who is severely depressed and “hysterical”? We love to see it.

• What I think of their ending.

PERFECT BEAUTIFUL AMAZING 10/10 MY GIRL DIED THE LAST QUEEN TO EVER SIT ON THE IRON THRONE DIDN’T GET BRUTALLY MURDERED AND DIED IN THE ARMS OF THE ONLY MAN SHE EVER TRULY WANTED WHO LOVED HER UNCONDITIONALLY GOD FUCKING BLESS

Personal bias aside, Jaime and Cersei were always going to die together. Jaime was never truly “redeemed,” he just became more understood. (Feeling ashamed of being ostracized and generally agreeing some of your actions were bad =/= becoming a good person who breaks ties with every unhealthy or immoral behavior you engage in.) Jaime came back to Cersei because they understand each other. And Cersei recognizes that she is about to truly lose everything. Her family, her power, her empire, her life. But in the end, she realizes that there was one glimmer of good and that she doesn’t have to lose all of those things alone. It’s a humbling, miserable death, but in very many ways it comes the way she always knew it would: at the hands of another woman, and by the side of the man who is such a part of herself that that other woman in question ceases to matter. Her last moments might be because of Daenerys, but they aren’t about her, they’re about Jaime and Cersei. The only two people. Together. Just as they’d always predicted. And then the person responsible for her death doesn’t even get to enjoy it because it came at the price of a complete loss of conscience. My fave not brutally murdered onscreen via betrayal and whose demise is because of someone who ultimately doesn’t even gain that much from her death? Beautiful, I want 500.

Cersei is terrified (which. yeah of course she is.) but she went out knowing that everything she did in her life wasn’t completely meaningless, that her pursuit of safety and security at all costs ultimately ended in someone she loved trying to comfort her. She gains that sense of comfort and self-awareness she always wanted in chasing after power, but not in the way she had ever envisioned. Not because of any specific thing she did or any specific enemy she defeated, not because of a particularly intelligent power play or who her father was or which house she aligned herself with, but simply because she loved someone who loved her and that alone was enough. In her final moments, in a way completely at odds with everything she has ever tried to do, she finally finds acceptance. The tragedy is that she can’t enjoy it longer. What a poetically sad, cathartic, fitting end to her quest for self-preservation.

• When I wish they had died. / If I think they should’ve died.

She almost, almost makes it to the end. She outlasts the White Walkers (which I think is valid because she was nowhere near the battle, and, ultimately, her primary enemy is her own penchant for self-destruction, in a way most of the other characters’ aren’t). For years she hangs on out of spite, and no human can kill her though many have tried or wanted to. Ultimately, she can’t compete with dragon WMD’s and a crumbling city. She did sort of achieve her objective. No specific person killed her. It took nonhuman entities to succeed at that. Fits in nicely with the “So you got what you wanted but not quite” theme of the series. Obviously I wish that she and Jaime could escape to Pentos with their child and live peacefully forever, but a) they would be hiding forever to prevent the people they’ve harmed (so like...the whole realm) from coming after them which I just don’t think they’d have much patience for, and b) I really don’t think Cersei would ever give up her quest for power and ruling the world because she would never feel safe or like her existence was meaningful otherwise. In order for the story to have anything remotely resembling a peaceful or happy ending for Westeros at large, she has to die. Which makes me very sad because I LOVE HER, but narrative cohesion is also a thing.

[nicolinocolino]

s4 thoughts

Okay so I’ve only watched the season once through and I’m sure I missed some stuff, but here’s my reaction for anyone who cares haha.

I’m going to start with Sana, obviously. Brilliant. Show stopping. Memorable. I never felt like the season was about anyone else, even with the side plots. I think this has a lot to do with the friendships, which skamit does really well. But this season was truly about her. And Bea did fantastic. 

I think the switch to make the Malik drama about Eva worked much better, as Eva is someone who’s kind of... swung from one guy to another and back. It just makes sense. I also loved how they toned down the drama and got rid of the cyber bullying all together. 

Sana’s voicemail on the roof explained it all... and it was so heartbreaking. Honestly, I could relate. I think that’s another big testament to the season — she’s relatable because she’s, you know, a person with feelings and expectations who doesn’t always make the right choices. I never felt like I wasn’t allowed to relate to her just because we come from different backgrounds. And isn’t that the point? Isn’t that the point of it all — to humanize her and not put her on a pedestal or be afraid of her? She hurt her friends who hurt her, and she let it all out. Sometimes we need that honesty to become closer to one another, and, in turn, understand each other better.

My favorite clip was the one of her and Malik talking about religion. The music? Her metaphor to the moon? God, she shone in this clip. I’m not a religious person, but I could feel the passion in her. I think it’s healthy to be challenged sometimes, too. I don’t think Malik saying that you can be a good person without religion is something I will forget.

Overall, her story was so good that I don’t really mind the other parts I was disappointed in. It was a fantastic final season. The music and editing and quality was incredible. She was the true star.

Okay, Marti and Nico. Because you know I love them a lot. And I’m sorry if I have more to say about them than Sana. I know it’s her season. But obviously Marti and Nico are my favorite and ALSO there’s just..... a lot to process regarding what we did get from them. I’m not the kind of person who can look at canon and be like, “I don’t like that so I’m going to forget it!” — no. I see it happen and my brain goes “make it make sense.” Which is what I’ve been trying to do because I really don’t want these two ruined for me. So:

First of all, I’m so, so thrilled that Nico’s “half a thing” long ago with Luai was the real deal. It had nothing to do with his mental illness and added depth to his back story that comes from a place of love and understanding. I cannot even imagine the guilt he must have felt at Virgilio after watching Luai get sent away. It must have been difficult to talk about, so keeping it from Marti (for so long!) is something I can kind of understand.

Which brings me to Marti’s reaction. I have mixed feelings. I definitely do understand Marti, in a way. When you piece together what he knew from Maddalena, that look between them he witnessed, Nico’s obvious lies... yeah. Maybe I’d go a bit out of my mind, too. Essentially, I can see this starting in ep 2 and building to ep7. That’s FIVE WEEKS of hardship on their relationship. FIVE WEEKS of Nico hiding the truth and Marti going insane pestering him. FIVE WEEKS of patience before Marti finally snapped. My big thing is I think Marti has gobs and gobs of patience. Without that real time format, it looks like he has none. But really? It was almost two whole months of... guessing and asking and getting nothing. Of course he was paranoid! Of course he was jealous! His patience, which I believe he had, wore thin. While I think some of what Marti did was out of character, some of it I can see. He gets angry, we’ve seen that. He withdraws, we’ve seen that too. Not saying this is the healthiest thing ever, but if you REALLY loved someone... you probably would be at least a little jealous. We villainize the feeling of jealousy so much — and it’s true that it’s not healthy in this amount — but it happens. And it happened to Marti. My big hangup is that I don’t really think that’s very in character for him, but in a way... I can see it. I think we can argue that what he did to Gio and Eva in season 1 was the result of some jealousy. Love makes you do all kinds of crazy things and feel all kinds of crazy ways. I half think that Marti “left” as a sort of final straw/ultimatum. Like, ‘ah, if I leave him maybe then he will tell me, since there is nothing left to lose.’ But then Nico didn’t, so he was left with that choice. I don’t think he really meant it, at least not for the long haul. If Nico were to text him the next day and say ‘yeah, you’re right, this is for the best’ Marti would be a giant mess. I can clearly see this was a situation of “well, I think he’s going to leave me for Luai, so maybe if I leave him first I can control the pain.” We literally see him reverting back to his old self in eps 7 and 8. He closes off. He doesn’t want to listen to his friends. At Silvia’s birthday, he was honestly being so loud and jokey and obnoxious. I truly think that was a mask. His “I have nothing to say to him” (referring to Nico) REALLY really got to me. That was not in character. But in hindsight, as I try to make sense of it, I think he said it because he wanted his friends to disagree with him. It’s more of a “I have nothing more to add” because, well, he tried. He tried for five weeks to get Nico to tell him the truth. He was left with his embarrassing mistake of leaving Nico, which he knew was wrong, and is embarrassed even more because everyone else knows it was wrong too. Somehow he has to crawl out of the hole that is his own stubbornness and pride. And in this super public space, he wanted everyone to think he was fine. But we know he’s not. We know he had a cliche low point eating ice cream on the floor. We know he’s hurting. In his mind, Nico possibly cheated and lied and might leave him and that hurts him. Because he loves him.

Which brings me to my next point. Marti you dumbass if you opened your eyes you could SEE how much Nico loves you. Everything from wanting to get coffee in the morning with him, wanting to pick him up from school, wanting to dance with him, wanting to help throw him a nice birthday, just the way Nico LOOKS at him... boy he LOVES you. And I bet that hurt Nico a lot to think Marti didn’t feel any of that. Nico shows his love, it pours out of him.

But also: Nico, my boy, why take so long to tell Marti the truth. If there’s nothing to hide, why does it matter that you had half a thing with some guy two years ago? I think what happened was that they didn’t have proper closure. Luai was essentially ripped away from Nico, horribly, in the middle of their half a thing. Did Nico even know that he was okay? And... the guilt? Oh my. I can only imagine Nico wanted to reconnect with him just to get that closure, and, in the process, because he never told Marti, it looked a lot like maybe something else was going on. Not only the night of the fight, but maybe after that there were some texts or phone calls, too. And then how do you tell your boyfriend that you want closure with your ex? How do you explain what you had, which never had a proper ending and, who knows, maybe would have grown or still have been going on if things were better and Luai never left? I think Marti could piece that together, too. He knows Nico learned the Koran for Luai. He remembers the talk in Nel Mio Letto. He knows how deeply Nico can feel. And, he knows that Nico’s feelings are real. Or, were real. And maybe had the possibility of becoming real again now that Luai was around again. 

The excuse that Nico didn’t tell Marti because Luai was engaged and wanted to keep it on the down-low doesn’t fly with me. Maybe it’s partly true, but I also think what I stated above was more of the cause. Nico didn’t know how to explain to Marti without sounding suspicious but needed closure. He tried to do both at the same time and failed. Because, duh. You have to be honest and hiding isn’t right and doesn’t work. I think it would hurt Marti to know Nico doesn’t trust him enough with that secret. So, in sum, they both need to trust each other more.

I was really excited for Nico’s clip and was left feeling kind of empty afterwards. I don’t like how Marti basically interrogated him. I think that if Marti wants that level of honesty with Nico, that’s valid. But there’s a fine line between that and pestering someone about phone calls. Which is what makes me think the thing with Luai was more than just the night of the fight. I think Nico was hiding a little more than a past. He was hiding his reconnecting to get closure. I mean, in the end, it’s a nice clip. The beach is beautiful and their kiss was cute and smiley. And that hug is god tier. I liked how we saw Nico’s meds in a short and respectful way even if just to give the audience some peace of mind. Maybe Marti only used his birthday as an excuse to be so nosy. I do think he was hurt by the lies — and Marti knows that lies can ruin things, he’s seen it happen — so he’s just on guard. I mean, I don’t think Nico’s lie was HUGE... it’s just the fact that it went on for so long even after Marti tried to tell Nico he wanted the full truth. So, even if I didn’t love the clip and am disappointed a bit in it, in the end it really just shows that they can and will work through everything.

So, like, did I want all of that drama? No. Is it realistic? I think so. I romanticize these two so much so it brought me down to earth a bit. Did I already KNOW they would be able to work through hard times? Well, yeah. I didn’t need to see it but in the end I’m glad I did. I truly believe they will face future hard times with the knowledge, now, that they need to do better. And honestly? I think Marti is 18 now and Nico is like 20? 21? And to be tested with something like this and work through it the way they did so young is a lot. Also, they’ve been together for over a year now. It takes about a year for that honeymoon phase to wear off. So in reality they are working through that right now too. Love is something they have to dedicate more time and effort to, and they did! They did do that and it’s nice to see that they’re willing to nurture this very very special thing they have instead of letting it fall away. And they made it out on the other side with, I think, more love and understanding for each other. I certainly love and understand them better now, too.

I might add on with more thoughts later, but this is what I have for now. Most of it is about Marti and Nico but, ya know. I love them dearly. Also, Sana’s stuff was just so good there’s really not much for me to work through with it. If you read this all, you’re a trooper lol

[something-tofightfor]

The Punisher Season 2: Episodes 11-13

Initial reactions as I watched these episodes.

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT. I literally tagged it four different ways for spoilers so if you read them after this it’s your own damn fault. 

11: The Abyss Frank covered in blood and nearly dead and handcuffed.... stop me if you’ve heard this before Two person rescue mission at the hospital Amy seems concerned. Curtis is about done with Frank’s shit John. I think your wife is dead...nevermind. She is dead. Yikes. So this is all for nothing. FUCKING KAREN KAREN Karen is fucking heeeeeeeere K A R E N SHE IS NOT LETTING ANYONE KEEP HER FROM FRANK IVE BEEN WAITING THIS IS ALL IN CAPS BUT HOLY HELL THIS IS EVERYTHING But what the fuck is she wearing a cape LOOK AT HER FRANK how do you feel about him Karen FUCKING SAY IT SAY IT YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES JUST FUCKING ADMIT IT Madani is so obsessed with this. I don’t think frank killed those women. I think they were already dead and billy had a plan to make him think that he did. And it’s working IM SO SICK OF THESE DEAD WIFE FLASHBACKS THEYRE HOLDING HANDS I REPEAT HOLDING HANDS All frank wanted was a family and to be done... my heart is aching. Frank talking about his kids oh my god Straight into “i would have killed anything that got in my way” Lmfao everyone is in this room - WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK RING RING ITS BILLY FUCK OFF KRISTA what I’m trying to figure out is why Krista is helping him - what is her motive? I was right. Frank didn’t kill them. I’m going to blame it all on this bitch because I don’t like her. She keeps saying “for us”... what is this us? Doesn’t she understand that Billy won’t leave? He wants the things that he’s worked for... not just her... or maybe not her at all. He says she makes him happy... but I don’t buy it. She’s saying all of the right things... but she doesn’t mean them. This.... im.... just... hmm. Time is running out for Billy to redeem himself. Ed is my favorite character. HERE COMES THE KRISTA BACK STORY spill all the details now because i hate you you dumb bitch BILLY DID NOT SAY US. He said we- but not us. NO NO NO NO you don’t love him. YEAH BITCH WHO WAS KM oh shit she has daddy issues. Everything makes sense now. Her father tried to kill her and threw her out a goddamn window... ok. So she fucking becomes a therapist and bangs her patient to get closure from the fact that her father tried to kill her. .................. Jesus Martha Kent, calm down. This dude is bad news. God at least take a selfie with frank AMY HOLY HELL LISTEN TO KAREN OH MY GOD HERE IT COMES DAMN STRAIGHT SHE WILL THROW EVERYTHING AWAY FOR YOU FRANK CASTLE “you cannot keep loving people in your dreams” FUCK OFF AMY JESUS CHRIST FUCK ALL THE FUCKING WAY OFF YOU DUMB LITTLE BRAT Frank castle in full police uniform FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF all he wanted were her shoes 🤣 oh, Ed Goddammit Brett

12: Collision Course Brett is a shit driver Another Manson song... hmmmmmmmm Oh yikes that’s an ambulance crash if I’ve ever seen one Brett doesn’t look so good Well that’s one way to fix a dislocated shoulder there frank Holy god supporting a grown ass man on a fucked shoulder “BR 143/24” graffiti on the bridge.... wonder if it’s just coincidence but it’s the only thing on the wall so i don’t think it is Good choice Brett Well fuck Pilgrim is going to Madani’s house BILLY RUSSO IS NOT GOING TO RUN OFF WITH YOU FUCKING KRISTA if this isn’t a long con on his part, I’m going to be fucking pissed. He didn’t say “i promise” and you lied to him. Don’t lie to billy Billy may be mentally unstable but Krista is ILL. Why is she calling Madani?!? She’s too fucking detactched MADANI SEE FUCKING PAST YOUR OWN NOSE FOR ONE SECOND AND FIGURE THIS OUT wait i think she just did Also.... Krista’s going to fucking make billy think frank is coming after her even though he isn’t... this is going to be messy as hell Nevermind... he went to the trailer. SHIT SHIT SHIT POOR CURTIS Well Curtis only has one kneecap? Soooooooo Oh look it’s Amy ruining every fucking thing again I GASPED OUT LOUD DURING THIS CURTIS FIGHT poor dude BITCH BILLY LIED TO YOU HES NOT GOING TO GET THE PAPERWORK dammit nevermind he did. Shit. Are you really planning on running off with this bitch, Billy Russo ?! The fuck?! Well Curtis is still alive Oh and frank kidnapped someone, ok cool Billy can’t just fucking let frank go, right? Like............. Back to the Russians again. It’s his dad, Frank. Let me save you some trouble. I believe him. I think he really didn’t know that anything was being done. An honest senator?!? I thought that buckshot was pomegranate seeds for a minute Are you actually going to shoot him, Amy? Madani is at Krista’s door - calling it BINGO Is Krista going to fucking hit madani with this teapot? Billy is buying her flowers?! Madani playing Krista... this I like. I hope billy walks in this goddamn door SHE FOUND THE JOURNAL. She KNOWS HOLY SHIT SHE STABBED HER WITH SCISSORS Battle of Billy’s Bitches OH MY GOD HOLY FUCK MADANI PUSHED HER OUT A FUCKING WINDOW Billy had something taken away from him yet again. This is.... not going to end well. He’s gonna think it was frank. FUCK. WOW HOLY FUCK.

13: The Whirlwind Billy, as assumed is not happy. “You had to make it about her” uh, yeah.... it’s always been about that fucking psychopath therapist That’s not the end of Billy Russo.  it cant be. FaceTime With Frank™️ Bitch that is CLEARLY a threat Amy’s room service? Except she’s hiding around the corner This kid’s name is LEMMUEL?!!? “He came after me” BITCH YOU THREW HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT A WINDOW OF COURSE HE CAME FOR YOU holy crap, madani’s done?!? WRONG ROOM FRANK Putting lots of holes in the wall and OH HELLO FRANK IS GOING RIGHT THROUGH IT Shit look at Amy again screwing everything up Frank has bad luck with elevators in hotels He fights best when he is cornered Omg billy getting operated on by a drunk... Jesus. .... If he dies on this operating table .... NO ANESTHESIA JESUS CHRIST BILLY so much goddamn pain .... GET THE FUCKING BULLETS OUT DOCTOR DRUNKARD. COME THE FUCK ON. HES NOT DEAD They sure did, David. Oh my god. This doctor threw him in a fucking dumpster Fuck fuck fuck fuck Amy trying to talk sense into John.... ok, sure Jan. PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE Who are you meeting Brett? Oh. Curtis and David. Doing the right thing could have fucked over Frank, Curtis. THINK ABOUT THAT. He played the family card. Fuck off John Pilgrim. If i had a dollar for every time frank told someone to point a weapon at him.... OUCH, Frank’s face. Aaaand there it goes through some glass and chains.... Jesus These two men can barely stand WHERE THE FUCK IS BILLY frank’s got a giant pipe . Didn’t Daredevil wrap chains around his arm too? THIS IS EMBARRASSING FRANK GET IT TOGETHER there you go, with the oxygen tank Asking for leniency for his kids with his last breath... damn “You’re the whirlwind” FUCKING CURTIS IS BILLY IN YOUR ROOM AGAIN no. Fucking Billy. Oh lord. GO BE WITH HIM CURTIS JESUS PLEASE “I don’t want to die alone” Dinah and Krista again.... FML You don’t love him, girl, i promise And he’s not coming from you FRANK . . . . . Fucking hell. Jesus. No redemption. He died alone and scared and sad and in pain. Fucking hell. .... keep the lies going Curtis and Madani. End of story. Bye Eliza. BYEEEEEE. WAIT WHAT HE LET PILGRIM LIVE?!? Well, i guess it’s nice that Frank has something to care about. Too bad I feel nothing for Amy. Still. What the fuck do you want Madani? She’s with the CIA now?!!? LAST FUCKING SCENE. Daaaaaaamn.

[entamewitchlulu]

On the Essence of Recovery: The Necessity of Arc V’s Unsatisfactory Ending

So, lately, I've been rewatching Penguindrum.  I've also been reading a lot of analyses of Penguindrum, and in turn I've been looking up analyses of some of my other favorite surrealist anime, mostly Ikuhara's work.  And remembering how Penguindrum ended, I found myself thinking about how almost all of Ikuhara's main works end sort of...bittersweet.  Progress has been made, but something huge has been lost as well, leaving the end feeling almost unsatisfactory.

And that's gotten me to thinking about analyzing shows that have similar endings, that aren't necessarily made to be...well, as dense as that particular brand of anime.  Specifically, I've been thinking about Arc V, and again about the ending that left a lot of people upset.  I was and still am to a point one of those people who was disappointed with how it ended, but looking back at it in hindsight, and especially through the lens of the previously mentioned anime, I wondered if maybe there was something more to the decision than first appeared.

Now before I start the actual meat of this post, let me disclaim that I would be among the first to admit that it's probably “not that deep.” But there's the distinct possibility that it is, and regardless of whether my conclusions were intended conclusions, the act of analyzing fiction against one's own individual interpretation is an important final step in the process of any creative endeavor.

Without spoilers, let me briefly talk about the anime I mentioned up above. Penguindrum is at its surface level a hilariously silly and ridiculous anime.  The main characters are followed around by odd penguins and their sister is possessed by a penguin hat.  But it is also an intensely deep anime, about family, fate, sacrifice, and unconditional love, which culminates to a sad, but ultimately inevitable end.  The sacrifices that are made at the end are hard, upsetting, and honestly upon my first watch through I was quite upset about it.  It didn't seem fair. I experienced similar reactions to the endings of Ikuhara's other works, as well as Arc V.  

But for Ikuhara's works, the unsatisfactory endings where something was lost in exchange for something gained, there was a thematic importance to the decision to make those endings, and I think Arc V is the same.  But to understand that thematic importance, first we must examine what the major theme of Arc V is.

In my humble opinion and in light of the ending, I think the theme of Arc V is recovery.

Certainly there are other themes, both major and minor.  The title theme of “take a step forward with courage,” is one, the idea of spreading smiles is another.  But I believe both of these and many of the other threads tie into the major, overarching and unspoken theme of “recovery.”

Yuya is introduced to us right away as a depressed child.  I don’t think there’s any way you can get around this, it’s just shy of them telling us straight out in canon.  He’s been bullied, he’s suffered terribly from the mysterious loss of his father, he’s been ostracized and held up against his dad since he was nine.  His mother says that he’s “put on the mask of a clown,” laughing at himself before others can as a self-defense mechanism.

Yuya is a hugely flawed character in the first half of the series, especially in the first season.  He is basically a living embodiment of bad coping mechanisms held together by denial.  He hides himself away when he’s hurt or upset rather than addressing the thing that’s upset him.  He gets defensive and upset when someone else Pendulum Summons, something that he was using as a crutch to make himself feel like he was worth something.  He jokes around and tries to force Entertainment instead of feeling it himself.  He forces himself to laugh to avoid facing the possibility that he is actually not okay.  He tries to force his beliefs on others in order to make himself feel like he and the tenets he clings to are actually worth something.  And very often, his attempts at avoiding his problems backfire.

Throughout the series, these issues are addressed, one thing at a time.  His talk with Shuzo helps him understand that Pendulum Summons themselves aren’t what makes him special, it’s how he continues to move forward in the future and make use of the opportunity that they gave him.  His mother encourages him to not let his anger eat him up and to continue trying to do his best without forgetting who he wants to be.  He realizes through his interactions with Jack that he was trying to force his feelings instead of just relaxing and letting go of his self-inhibitors. His Synchro character arc helps him learn how to see outside himself  and meet others where they’re at instead of seeing through his own narrowed worldview.  He is growing, changing, and healing.  He is moving out of the shadow of his father that he's crunched himself beneath and learning to stand on his own feet again.

In the third season and part of season four, we see that Yuya is, despite his situation, reaching a healthy place mentally.  His long periods of depression interspersed with highs of determination from Synchro are all but gone, leaving him at a fairly steady emotional level.  He stays true to his convictions, remains light and cheerful, and meets people where they’re at instead of viewing them from his own situation.  Yuya is healing.

Then in the tail end of the Fusion arc, we learn the final major twist: that of the existence of Zarc and Ray.  And in that discovery, we realize that this was never just about Yuya's recovery.  

Zarc, who through flashbacks and seeing bits of him in Yuya throughout the series, was just as or even more broken than Yuya ever was.  He was a lonely, desperate young man who wanted what Yuya wanted, to be able to be happy and smile and make everyone else happy with what he was doing, too.  But he was pushed too far, he didn’t have the emotional support network that Yuya did, and he and his dragons simply fed into each other’s anger and distress until they reached a breaking point, until Ray came along and literally broke him into pieces.

And then I think it’s clear enough if you take a watch through the last part of Arc V.  That whole last arc is about Yuya accepting that he is Zarc, but not only that, but accepting his healing.  Zarc was broken—so was Yuya.  Yuya learned how to grow and develop and work with his issues.  Zarc didn’t get the chance, and Yuya’s final arc is his final step for both him and Zarc to heal.  I don’t think it’s any surprise that there are two other important characters in this arc who reach some level of recovery.  Shun finds it in himself to start healing the fractures in his heart that he has harbored all this time (there was another very good post I read once about Shun’s arc following the stages of grief, which I will attempt to find and link here).  Dennis finally finds acceptance and enough security to pull off the mask that he’s kept on for self-preservation for so long.  These are two incredibly powerful writing decisions, and their place in this part of the narrative really implies to me that Arc V is reaching its thematic conclusion on the themes of recovery.

I think it's important to note before we continue that these are not the only characters who experience the need for or the arc of recovery.  Reiji is presented as a very emotionally suppressed young man devastated by the breaking down of his family.  Reira's entire character arc in Synchro is about him healing from the PTSD and loss of identity he experienced from a combination of war and abuse. Sora, and to a lesser extent Selena, are child soldiers recovering slowly from indoctrination through interaction with people outside of their “cult.”  Edo presents a more violent response to the attempt to recover, bucking and fighting against the healing offered to him until the end.  I feel that there are even more characters that we could apply this theme to, and it would easily make sense.

Finally, then, we reach the ultimate end, which spurred this meta in the first place: the contentious ending where Yuya and Yuzu do not split from their other selves, but instead remain a single fused person.  If we continue this analogy that the essence of Arc V is recovery, then…in a strange, bittersweet, and sad way, it makes perfect sense to me.

One of the things I hear a lot about recovery is that, people who have been through horrible mental illnesses or trauma should not expect of themselves to be the person that they were before the illness or trauma occurred.  To search for that is to find yourself trapped, because you can’t go back, and you will ruin yourself in a cycle of trying to retrieve something that can't be again.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, though; you are still you, but you are going to be a new you.  To me, that’s exactly what’s happening in Arc V.

Zarc cannot go back to being Zarc.  What happened to him was literally too shattering.  But he, through Yuya, found healing, and literally mended himself back together.  But he’s not Zarc anymore, now, he’s Yuya.  Yuya and Yuzu are, by word of canon, actually Zarc and Ray, but they are different, now, too.  It's incredibly telling that Yuya's final arc is about him accepting himself as being Zarc, but moving forward into being him, as well.  Recovery and healing doesn’t bring you back to the person you were.  It brings you to the new person that you can be once you’ve accepted what happened to you, and start working on the things that were holding you back.  In this manner, Zarc and Ray can't go back to being themselves, but they have been able to put themselves back together in order to give themselves a second chance as Yuya and Yuzu.

So yes…it is still incredibly sad to me that the girls and boys were not able to separate, but in the themes that I feel Arc V was trying to promote, it makes sense.  Something was lost, yes, and it hurts a lot, but something was gained as well. It's the same feeling I had of the end of Penguindrum: something incredibly precious was lost, and yet there is hope in what was gained.  I feel that the overall gut punch of Arc V was a little more intense, though, as where Penguindrum never exactly pulled away from the fact that their characters were the tools for the fable to tell the story, Arc V never pretended that their characters were anything other than living humans.  My own much heavier emotional entanglement with the Arc V cast made the ending much harder.  (It should be noted, as well, that Arc V is not the first Yu-Gi-Oh iteration to take characters away from us at the end, or end with a bittersweet tone where something was lost in exchange for something gained.)

In conclusion, reading Arc V in this light actually gave me a lot more closure about the ending.  I will quite honestly always be a little sad about it, and I will always wish that there had been a different ending.  I'll always choose to ignore it when writing my own personal canon, haha.  But I also feel in the light of this analysis that Arc V couldn't have ended any other way, or it would not have been the same story.  For the story that they were trying to tell, for the theme that was being presented, it was the ending that needed to be told.

Recovery is not an easy process, and nor is it always a happy one.  There is always something sad about recovering and about realizing what you lost along the way.  But there is hope at the end of it as well, about the new future that you can now reach for.  It's the eternal duality of sadness and joy that comes with the act of living.  “Take a step forward with courage,” is the what the summary says is the theme of Arc V, and that, I think, is the best tagline for recovery I can think of.

Go forward, because there is no going back.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

[vthiker09]

A Gimpy Kid’s Book Review

When you are forced to spend time on the couch and movement becomes something you only do when absolutely necessary, you find yourself with piles of free time.  At first, I filled said free time with horror movies.  Halloween being my favorite holiday, it only made sense to cheer myself up via my favorite movie genre.  Quite quickly, however, I realized my six to eight hour daily horror movie habit, was in fact, mind numbing and made me feel worse about my overall situation.  

I dabbled in a variety of arts and crafts, including: swear word coloring books, adult coloring books, paint-by-number, figurine painting, and knitting.  I also spent way too much time on Facebook and did my fair share of crossword puzzles and word searches.  It was probably the only time Mike would say “want to play a board game?” and my answer would always be “YES!” 

Despite my attempts to replace the outdoors with much more mundane activities, I was left with time to fill.  I remembered at some point, before graduate school, I liked to read.  Graduate school ruined reading for me via a unreasonable number of pages per week.  When I graduated, I was free from the massive pile of sometimes wildly boring reading assignments and I took said freedom, as a pass to basically never read a book again.

My long periods of forced couch time over the last two and half years, have reminded me, I do in fact like to read.  Perhaps a silver lining of an otherwise abysmal experience, I started to read again and kept doing it.  Below are the books I’ve read since I hurt myself and my general thoughts about each.  I hope you find something you would like to read!

What is it about: Roxane Gay was gang raped as a child.  To cope with the trauma, she gained weight.  To her, it was a way to protect herself, because society tells us heavy people aren’t desirable. She details her lifelong struggle with PTSD, obesity, relationships and how society sees and treats her as a obese, female, queer, person of color.

My thoughts: I LOVE THIS BOOK!  It’s an intense read and can be triggering.  At the same time, it’s such a well constructed, honest, and raw look at how we look at trauma and more so, how we treat obese people.  It connects her experience as a trauma survivor, with her experiences with racism, sexism, and sizeism in such a perfect and often times disturbing way.  I cannot recommend this book enough.  This was also the first book I read when I got hurt.  It holds a special place in my reading heart.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 5/5

What is it about: John Hodgman is a comedian.  The book is about how he grew up in a working household, who often struggled, and his transition from just making it, to having a vacation home in a wealthy town in Maine.  

What I thought about it: It’s a comical exploration into class in America.  He writes about the silly things he used to do as a youth and the equal number of silly class based practices, he sees as a wealthy person.  He takes a critical look at both the working class and the ultra-wealthy.  He also writes about “belonging” and what it’s like to transition from one class to another and to feel like you don’t fit-in.  

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 4/5

What is it about: It challenges the concept that Millennials are a lazy, entitled group of brats and explains how they are, in fact, screwed in many ways.  It focuses on the economy and discusses everything from student loans, to the job market, to internships, to helicopter parenting, to benefits, to buying a house, to the environment. 

What I thought about it: As a Millennial, I thought “finally! someone who gets it!”  At the same time, I thought “This all sucks!”  It’s a good exploration into the financial and life ruin we setup young people for.  It blows apart the idea that if you “try,” you’ll end up with 2.5 kids, a white picket fence, and a house on a col-de-sac.  I found it to be both affirming and disheartening.  The end outlines a few action steps, but when you spend a couple hundred pages detailing how bad it is, 20 pages outlining how to make it better, doesn’t really do the trick.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 3.5/5

What is it about:  Michael Finkel is a journalist, who attempts to write about Christopher Knight.  Christopher lived in the woods in rural Maine for several decades - by choice.  It details both his relationship with Christopher and how Christopher survived living outside for so long.  It also explores why Christopher chose to become a hermit, in the first place, and his struggle to assimilate back into society.

What I thought about it: I LOVED THIS BOOK! and I found it to be really sad.  I appreciated the author didn’t straight out say Christopher was a mentally ill person, who fell under the radar for a couple of decades.  At the same time, it was hard to read about someone who purposely opted out of society and then was forced back into it.  It’s an interesting look into the idea there are people out there who don’t want a car, a house, or a job, and are actually happy living in the woods - and this is okay.  It’s a challenge to what we see as “normal,” honors Christopher’s life, and the complexity of his choices.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 5/5

What is it about: Rebecca Solnit is an activist and a writer.  This book is a collection of several essays she’s written.  “Men explain things to me,” is one of the essays in the book and explains the concept of mansplaning.  It starts with a story about how someone, who didn’t know who she was, tried to explain her own book to her at a party.  The other essays look at various areas of feminism, including the institution of marriage, sexual violence, war, racially fueled sexism, and how misogynistic norms are strongly embed into our society.

What I thought about it: She is a great writer and everything in this book is true and important. Everyone should understand these truths and should work to change them, as she outlines, so clearly, how destructive they are.  At the same time, nothing in this book was new to me.  I felt myself saying “YEAH!” but not learning anything new.  I’m not sure this is a reason to not read this book.  It’s a well written collection of feminist essays.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 4/5

What is it about: It’s a graphic novel about the author’s relationship with her father.  It starts with her as a young child and goes through his death. 

What I thought about it: The author is a Vermonter and I like to support people who live in Vermont.  As a queer identified, it focuses heavily on her experience as a queer youth, coming out, and her thoughts on her father’s sexuality.  She didn’t have a good relationship with her parents and I wouldn’t say it’s a happy book.  She also explores her challenges with mental illness, relationships, and becoming an author.  I don’t know if I would say I liked this book, mostly because I don’t think I like the author.  I find her to be arrogant and a little too neurotic for my taste.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 3/5

What is it about: It’s a graphic novel about the author’s relationship with her mother.  It’s a sequel to “Fun Home,” which I talk about above.

What I thought about it: It’s a less interesting version of “Fun Home.” I didn’t enjoy it.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 2/5  

What is it about: It’s a fictional story about a women’s experience with deciding whether to have weight loss surgery or not.  It’s meant to be a commentary on sizeism, the diet industry, and how awfully we treat people who are overweight.

What I thought about it: I enjoyed it.  It’s a good look at how awful we are to overweight people and in how many different ways.  It’s critical of the weight loss industry, fad diets, and weight loss surgery. I found the end to be a little weird, but overall, I liked it.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 3.5/5

What is it about: It’s a beginner’s guide to meditation, for people who don’t do yoga or drink soy matcha lates. 

What I thought about it: Well, I never started to mediate - so it was not life changing.  At the same time, it made mediation approachable and this is coming from someone who often times vehemently rejects things I believe are “hipster.”  It makes a good case for the health benefits associated with mediation, gives you a clear plan to start, and takes out much of the touchy-feely side of meditation.  Mike got this for me when I was not a happy camper, thinking it might help.  If you aren’t into yoga, essential oils, or have no idea what chakras are, this is a good book - if you want to start to meditate.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 3.5/5

What is it about: It’s a collection of Oatmeal comics.

What I thought about it: If you like the Oatmeal, you’ll like the book.  It’s funny.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 4/5

What is it about: Christian Picciolini was a high level skinhead.  The book details how he became a skinhead, what he did while he was a skinhead, and how he got out of that lifestyle. Since writing the book, he started a non-profit, which helps other people get out of this lifestyle.

What I thought about this book: I really liked it.  It, at points, is hard to read.  He is honest about what he did as a skinhead and all of it is horrible.  It’s quite violent at times.  At the same time, it’s an honest look about how these groups recruit new members, groom them, and eventually rope them in.  It relates skinhead groups closely to tactics used by gangs.  It’s also an honest look at someone who did awful things and managed to change.  Reading about someone who had such toxic views about race and truly reformed, is refreshing given our current political climate.  It’s an example of how people can change, no matter how “far gone,” they may appear to be.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 5/5

What is it about: It’s a comic series named the Awkward Yeti.  The Yeti is the main character and all the other characters are the Yeti’s body parts.  It personifies their body parts and each comic explores something we can all relate to, when it comes to our body.  For example, the intestines are grumpy and talk about how tongue and brain make him do so much work.  His tag-line is “soon!”  Tongue is a villain who makes brain eat everything awful for the Yeti.  Eyes are bros who just like to lift weights all day.  Gallbladder does nothing other than make gallstones and says “I maked these.”

What I thought about the books: This is my favorite comic series.  I think I started to like it  more when I was struggling with my body.  I could imagine my little tendons dancing around and my stomach being like “NO MORE TYLENOL!”  I also relate strongly to heart, who is impulsive and motivated to do everything.  The relationship between heart and brain is interesting, because although heart is impulsive and often times doesn’t follow-through, heart motivates brain to relax and see the brighter side of life.  At the same time, brain keeps heart in line.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 5/5 - I even own a heart plushy!

What is it about: It’s an essay about how feminism is not a “woman’s cause” and how we should all care.  The title basically explains the book.

What I thought about the book: I 100% agree with everything in it.  It’s well written and I feel the same way about this book, as I did about “When Men Explain Things to Me” - I didn’t learn anything new.  At the same time, I feel like every white male should read it.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 4/5

What is it about: It’s a women’s empowerment piece written by a writer for Dad’s Magazine/Elle columnist and a writer who does a bunch of critical pieces about pop-culture.  The book basically dispels all the pressure women put on themselves, to fit a particular socially created mold, and encourages women to be more supportive - since we are all part of the same “coven.” 

What I thought about it: It’s a fun and superficial look at how destructive pop-culture is.  It’s an interesting read, especially if you love everything about Halloween and feminism.  There are reviews which are really bad, because it actually has little to do with witchcraft.  It uses the fundamentals of witchcraft to challenge pop-culture and encourage women to be themselves.  It’s not really trying to be a book about becoming a witch.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Review: 3.5/5

What is it about: It takes 10 minutes to read and it’s one of those life quote books.  It’s a book for adults.

What I thought about it: I LOVE THE COOKIE MONSTER! It’s written from their perspective and talks a bunch about how cookies make life better.  It’s just a fun read for Cookie Monster lovers.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 5/5 only if you love the Cookie Monster

What is it about: It’s about a black teen (Starr) who lives in the ghetto, sees her black best friend get shot by a white cop, dates a white boy, and goes to an expensive private school - where she is one of two black students.  It explores the challenges she faces as a black youth who goes between “ghetto life” and “rich white people life” and looks closely at the complexity of race relations in America, with a clear focus on racially driven police brutality. 

What I thought about it:  If you have ever uttered the words "all lives matter" or "blue lives matter," read this book. If you didn't vote in the last election or believe politics is something you can opt out of, read this book. If you've made a racist joke in the last 10 years, read this book. If you don't think racism or the impact of racially driven police brutality is real, read this book. Even if you are a politically active, socially responsible, white ally, you should still read this book. It should basically be required reading for every white person.

Gimpy Kid Five Star Rating: 5/5

What is it about: Holly Madison was a Playboy Bunny for a long time.  She lived in the Playboy Mansion with Hue Hefner.  The book is a tell-all about what it was like to be in the Mansion and live with and date Hue.

What I thought about it: I really liked this book.  Holly blows apart the concept of the “dumb blonde.”  She writes a detailed expose into how awful Hue Hefner was.  She clearly explains how he abused his “girlfriends.”  It’s a in-depth look into the complexity of domestic violence, tactics used by abusers, and is written by someone who supposedly “had it all.”  It also challenges more militant feminists to honor the experiences of people who engage in behaviors, which are seen as counter to the feminist agenda. 

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 4.5/5

What is it about: It’s a self-help book written by a blogger.  It focuses on concepts like: saying no, being okay with failing and learning from it, being okay with being wrong, the concept of choice, and how the perpetual race for “happiness” is crap.

What I thought about it: I bought it in an airport on my way to NYC, mainly because of the title.  I like the overall concept of letting things go and trying to stop living up to socially created ideals of happiness, which are all bullshit.  It’s definitely for those of us who are a little more bitter about life.  At the same time, it’s not a bitter book.  It takes bitter people concepts and uses them as a way to let people live life in a more free and less stressful way.  I wouldn’t say it’s life changing, but it’s interesting.  The guy is also a little bit of an asshole and as a fellow slight asshole, I can appreciate this.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 3.5/5

What is it about:  Porchoista has lime disease. It’s details her horrific experiences with the American Healthcare system, when it came to getting a diagnosis and appropriate care.

What I thought about it: We all know, at this point, I think the American Healthcare system has epic room for improvement.  I found this book to be comforting, because basically all the ways I’ve written about how Healthcare is America is awful, she also experienced.  I also found it to be terrifying, because a small part of me hoped what I experienced is not the norm.  If some day I write a book, it’ll be like this book.  It made me feel mad and sad on Porochista’s behalf, she had to struggle for so long, just to get better.  It’s a comprehensive look at dismissive doctors, the horrendous state of women’s healthcare, and pill happy doctors - and the wreckage this can create.  It should be required reading for all healthcare workers.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Review: 5/5

What is it about: Samantha Irby is a comedian/blogger/writer.  It’s a collection of essays about her take on life, which are really funny.  It’s an honest look at her experience living with IBS, dating, and being an obese black person in NYC.

What I think about it: You know those things we want to say about life and never say?  Well she says them - all of them.  It’s a hilarious and raw look at some of life’s most embarrassing life moments.  I found myself saying “YES!” while laughing and being a little terrified.  It’s a book any, slightly bitter, young woman can relate to.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 4/5

What is it about: It’s memoir about her life before the Mindy Project.

What I thought about it: It’s well written and I like her.  If you like her as a comedian, you’ll like the book.  It mainly looks at how she became a writer and her time at The Office.  It’s not fantastic, but again, if you like her, you’ll like the book.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 3/5

What is it about: It’s a collection of short descriptions of monsters across the world.  They are mainly folklore or the monsters your parents tell you about to keep you doing bad things.

What I thought about it: It took 10 minutes to read and I like Halloween.  Mike got it for me when I was having a bad day.  It did it’s job i.e. it cheered me up.  The illustrations are really well done and there are a couple of interesting monsters.  Enera is my favorite.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 3/5

What is it about: It looks at the Hillbilly culture in Northern Kentucky and the author’s experience growing up in a poverty stricken part of Ohio.

What I thought about it: I hate this book.  The author becomes a lawyer and graduates from Yale.  He uses this as a platform to say “Look at me! I grew up in crappy conditions and still made something of myself.”  He blames people for perpetuating systemic poverty and basically confirms everything conservatives say about “welfare queens.”  Although J.D. had a really tough childhood and no child should have to experience what he did and I’m really glad it all worked out for him - I think his book lacks insight regarding the complexity of systemic poverty and I wish he didn’t write it.  I mainly kept reading hoping I was missing something and it would get better - it never did.

Gimpy Kid 5 Star Rating: 0/5

[tori10rambles]

Secret Ending 2 is done! I'm finally done with the main storylines! now onto various Bad Ends, BREs, and getting every answer selection into my Extras section sans anything that gives me a Seven Heart Break because I'm in too deep.

Like the other Secret Ending reaction post, this post is in order of Episodes, and not character.

Episode 1

Welp, if treatment depends on Saeran's cooperativity, he's not getting out for a while

And you know, of COURSE he was drugged to the gills. I knew Mint Eye was drugging him, but the fact that the doctors are amazed he isn't brain dead...

Suicide? That bitter, crazy woman? idk if I believe that...

Their dad... Prime Minister. Well fuck. I wanted to have words with him.

No! Secret Keeping is NOT of the good! Just tell Zen and Yoosung the truth!

Smol!Saeran! No! That absolute bitch! Your children are awesome!

Saeran's sky obsession is interesting!. And you know, the fact that this is legit all the boy wants to do when he's out of his mother's thumb. God.

Well no shit Saeyoung would get mad if you told him you thought you'd die before you were free, Saeran! That man is nothing if not protective of you

No but the fact that his favorite food is ice cream, which was probably the only treat he got to share with Saeyoung outside and away from their mother. Jesus.

Your mom is a bitch. If she weren't dead...

Looking at these guys and their past relationship, compared to their present, makes my heart HURT.

Rika's manipulations, man. I just... there's nothing that can excuse this.

y new hc: Saeran is like a prickly hedgehog in human form.

The fact that he apparently doesn't want to hurt his brother, but is doing so to protect himself. My god.

I WANT TO HUG THIS POOR BOY.

Episode 2

Ugh! That Saeran actually believed in his brother! That they'd get out and be free together...

The more I hear about their mother... ARGH!

He was so dehydrated he couldn't cry.

He felt that half of him was torn away! Ugh!

Buying the apartment to use as an RFA office? interesting...

Saeyoung, you could never trouble me.

Well no shit he isn't mentally stable.

The fact that Saeyoung is putting his brother's mental health before his need to see that Saeran is okay with his own eyes... I'm so proud of him. Also that he's not ashamed of said mental health services

No shit Saeran wasn't going to take medicine anymore.

I knew it, Vanderwood and Saeyoung like giving each other shit.

lololol, anyone who thought Saeyoung wasn't wrapped around MC's finger is obviously wrong.

The pure amount of misunderstandings in the Choi family. Jesus.

I don't think going is the BEST option, but it's probably the only option now.

Episode 3

While I'm glad Rika and V got Saeran out... what happens afterwards pisses me off SO BADLY.

I'm glad Saeyoung didn't immediately sign those forms.

Look, at this point, I don't think Saeran is saying aything Saeyoung hasn't already thought about himself.

Welp, suicidal twins, yay. -.- This only adds to my hc that these two have similar mental illnesses, but different symptoms

The fact that Saeran is apparently hurting himself when he hurts Saeyoung, but doesn't acknowledge/recognize it as such...

lololol, unstoppable force, meet immovable object. who will win? (def Saeyoung, I bet)

I STILL can't believe Rika isn't behind bars. And that no one's told Yoosung and Zen the truth yet.

Episode 4

Saeran the human hedgehog. Curling up and preparing himself for disappointment because he can't survive another betrayal.

So... video games calmed Saeran down.

Saeyoung totally took the vase to make sure Saeran couldn't hurt himself.

How great of a manipulator Rika is: all her cultists think it's V's fault, and the man's dead.

I can understand why Zen and Yoosung want to help Rika, but NOPE.

Saeyoung! I realize the psychiactric ward may not be a nice place, but sneaking your brother out!? We have no professionals to help us with his problems! What if we just make him worse!

Knocking out your brother should NOT be a resort, even a last one! Saeran is totally right to be angry at you. I'M angry at you!

Episode 5

THIS IS WHERE THOSE PHOTOS CAME FROM!

The fact that those photos were made specifically for Saeyoung... that the smiles were supposed to keep him happy, not an actual expression of joy... the irony... it kills me.

Goddamnit, this is how Saeran got into hacking...

The fact that Saeyoung is basically doing the same things everyone else has done to Saeran, even with the best of intentions... 

This boy is so goddamn depressed. I cannot.

The fact that Jumin considers his life relatively normal...

These brothers... I legit cannot live if these two are unhappy. Just let these brothers be fucking happy for once!

Episode 6

Goddamn it, Zen. That is the WORST psychic dream you've had yet in these routes. Mostly because RIKA NEEDS TO ANSWER FOR WHAT SHE DID. But then, it's also the rest of the RFA's fault for not explainin things to you and Yoosung.

Saeyoung, take care of Saeran first. And yourself. I... kind of don't want to see him right now anyway? Like, I know he's your brother, but he's also the dude who threatened me? I also have issues I need to work out, so more time is awesome.

Also, I know nothing's gonna happen without Saeran around anyway.

SOMEONE EXPLAIN SHIT TO THE TWO IN THE DARK. PLEASE. IT'S SECRETS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS THAT STARTED THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

FUCK HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!? NO!

Oh thank god.

Saeyoung's life will never get better if you leave, Saeran. The man will only blame himself.

And you know, attempted fratricide, which surprises no one.

WELL NO SHIT HE REGRETS LEAVING YOU THERE!!!! 

YES. ASK THOSE QUESTIONS. Just please, listen to his answers, and don't just automatically dismiss them.

He's not saying that your pain is meaningless or a fantasy! Just that now you can heal from it.

The fact that Saeyoung was the optimist of the pair... 

the fact that Saeran is thinking about believing Saeyoung again. Oh thank GOD.

Episode 7

I can't believe Rika's off getting REAHBILITATED while everyone else is picking up the pieces. I mean, I'm glad she's getting treatment, but what about her cultists? Saeran? The RFA? It seems unfair.

The day i let go of what Rika did is the day I die.

...I guess I can't say I'm surprised Saeyoung did that to the investigation file, but still. I HATE the idea that Rika doesn't get to try and defend her actions, and that everyone's left without closure.

I feel like the surprise of the proposal is ruined, but honestly, I also feel like Saeyoung would've been a mess of nerves and freak MC out by not mentioning the proposal.

The fact that the 2nd after end's credits is the opening, and a slideshow of CGs from Saeyoung's route + Secret Endings just reinforces my belief that he's the "True End" and that the song is his POV of things.

I am glad Saeran looks like he’s better, but the recklessness of... basically everyone’s actions in these Secret Endings. Jesus.

Also, these Deep Story boys work fast.

I am now going to try and get that LAST SEVEN CG from the Christmas DLC, then go on to the Bad Ends, BREs, and getting every phone call/answer option for my extras folder.