#he was featured in that alex and i had many months ago.

[thedevotionaltour]

personally i like to envision a time where matt tries to be a dick and rags on foggy for his snacks and foggy just shoots back asking matt what's with the large coke sitting on his desk then. that's the second large coke i've seen grace your desk this week. and it's not even a bottle you got at the store that's a cup. that's a large cup. should i mention the can in the garbage too. and matt shuts up from there for the afternoon.

[beomcoups]

F.U.C.K.

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: ex!bf Seungcheol x fem!reader

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst, smut, small fluff, lovers to exes au, 18+

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 3.1k

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: You've been on and off forever and you couldn't leave him alone if you tried. You have an itch only Seungcheol can scratch.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: unprotected sex, oral, missionary, riding, praise, dirty talk, creampie, clit stim, multiple orgasms, a bit of overstimulation, Coups is a lover boi, angsty feelings about the relationship

𝐀𝐍: Thank youuuuu @hobeemin & @wongyuseokie for reading this for me and Beezy you are the best hype woman ever <3. Also thank you @aaagustd for making this sexy ass banner 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: 💿 F.U.C.K- Victoria Monet, Dirty Dancer- Orion Sun, Idea 686- Jayla Darden, Strings- iyla, Behind- Woodz, Forgive Me- Chloe x Halle, Art- Tyla, I Could Imagine- Alina Baraz, Good& Plenty- Alex Isley, Masego and Jack Dine, Skin Tight- Ravyn Lenae Steve Lacy, Idea 683- Jayla Darden, Body and Soul- Emotional Oranges and Biig Piig, Butterflies- Tyla, Between Us- Alina Baraz, Nasty- Tinashe, Under The Moon - Alex Isley, Jack Dine (spotify)

It’s complicated. Your Facebook relationship status has been that way for over a year. If someone asked, you wouldn’t know how to define your relationship with Seungcheol. You can’t say you’re just friends when the love is still there, but you can’t stay together longer to just work. Something happens, and you argue and split up. Months, sometimes years, can go by, and you feel like you’ve finally moved on, but all he has to do is call, or you have an itch that needs scratching, and there he is, ready to make it go away.

He stands there in front of you, his dark hair clipped and trimmed perfectly, highlighting the handsome features on his face: his dark, round eyes, high cheekbones, and plump pink lips. He comes dressed in a simple white tee and sweats, with an overnight bag in hand, as he knows he is staying the night. Seungcheol smirked as he walked in, placing a small kiss on your temple. 

“Well, hello to you too,” you say, shutting the door behind you. You watch him take off his shoes, walk into your living room, and admire the view of the city through your picture windows. You just moved into your high-rise condo a couple of months ago, and your job promotion allows you to level up in life and enjoy nice things for once. Your place looks straight out of a movie, with your tastes added. Your favorite color is blue, and you included it in your decor. 

“You kept the couch?” Seungcheol points at the royal blue sectional sofa with matching gold-trimmed throw pillows you bought from your favorite thrift store. “Yes,” you say proudly. “That couch is my pride and joy. We’ve been through a lot together.” Memories about the many times you spent together on the couch, clothed and unclothed, cloud your mind. He chuckles as you sashay to the kitchen, grabbing a bottled water. You offer him one, and he shakes his head, returning his attention to the city's shining lights. He’s been in your life for five years, meeting at a grocery store with both of your hands on the last bag of cherries. He relented, letting you have them in exchange for your number. You didn’t give it to him, hoping that you would see him again. At the time, you just moved to the city, and if you were meant to meet again, you would give him your number. A couple of weeks later, you did when you went to a birthday dinner with your former roommate. His eyes twinkled when you exchanged glances, and you felt like it was fate.  “You did it,” he felicitates you. “You did everything we talked about doing all those years ago. I’m proud of you.”

You would have late nights with him in your shitty old apartment, eating Chinese takeout in bed and talking about your hopes for the future. Seungcheol wanted to have it all: a nice house, cars, and riches beyond his dreams. All you wanted was a good life. You grew up poor, raised by a single mom who worked two jobs to ensure you had a roof over your head. You understood each other in that way, and it worked between you two for a while… until it didn’t.

“You got your high rise before me,” you appear beside him. “What does it feel like, being the top broker in your firm?”

“It’s nice,” he nods. “It keeps me busy.”

You knew that all too well. One of the reasons you broke up was time. His work felt more important than maintaining a relationship with you. You swear if someone called in the middle of the night, he would answer in a heartbeat. It’s not like you aren’t busy; you work on Wall Street. But you still made time to be with him at all important events and when it mattered most. The energy wasn’t reciprocated.

“I see nothing has changed,” you say, taking a swig of your water.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “I think I am ready for it, though.”

“Are you now?”

“Yeah. There is no point in having all of this if there is no one to share it with, right?”

You didn’t have to say anything back because he was right. What is the point of working hard, making more money than your parents could ever dream of, traveling, and having life experiences without having someone to share them with? It also incredibly frustrates you. Why did it take five years for him to get to this point? The back and forth, blocking each other on all accounts. Was it worth it?

You two are silent, watching the city lights twinkle in the distance. His fingers slip in between yours, pulling you closer to him. Just being near him makes your heart skip several beats. No one like him can melt you just by his touch and presence. Yes, he can irritate you to no end, but he also makes your soul smile.

“I missed you,” he says, gazing at you. 

“I know.” 

You kiss him, the magic stirring in your chest as he returns your feelings; sparks all around you two like fireworks. Your hands explore him fervently, pulling off his shirt and throwing it on your couch. He unhooks your bra, helping you out of your shirt and exposing your breasts. He bites his lip as he palms his growing bulge, the very thought of his lips all over you making you hot.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers. 

You take his hand and guide him to your bedroom, climbing over your king-size bed. He follows you closely, his index finger sliding up your thigh. It feels electric, having him touch you again after so long. You have tried moving on, going on dates, and having one-night stands here and there. But deep down, those people weren’t him. Seungcheol knows your body, what makes you tick, your boundaries, and what drives you crazy. It’s exhausting trying to find that chemistry with someone else. Too bad you can’t just make it work. 

He slides your shorts and panties off with one hand, your naked body being illuminated by the moonlight. He notices your sheets, trying to hold it in before succumbing to a belly laugh. 

“Cherry sheets? Really?” He says in between breathes.

“Come on now,” you chuckle. “You know I love my little house on the prairie sheets.” “I swear you were born in the wrong generation,” Seungcheol expresses, brushing his thumb across your cheek. “Yeah, maybe,” you muse over his words. “I’m glad I met you in this lifetime, though.” He admires you, his thumb caressing your cheek before he kisses you again. This time, it’s more heartfelt, your bodies hungry for another as each minute passes. His hand travels down to your inner thighs, spreading your legs apart and slowly entering a digit into your wet core. Seungcheol licks his lips, watching your eyes roll back as you unravel his arms. “Shit,” you moan. “Keep doing it just like that.”

“I’m going to do more than that,” he whispers in your ear. 

Seungcheol was already great with his fingers, slipping one more in you as his tongue played in circles on your neck, your sweet-smelling perfume intoxicating to him. He loves the way your brows furrow when he goes deep, your mind focused on nothing else but cumming all over his hand. You play with your clit, drunk on the pleasure he’s giving you, with your wetness pooling onto your sheets. You two are connected in a way, in your own little bubble surrounded by ecstasy.

“Fuck baby,” you pant as pressure builds up in your stomach. “I’m almost there.” He pulls his fingers out of you quickly, snapping you out of your zone, and you whimper in protest. He aggressively pulls down his pants and briefs, revealing his hardened cock already leaking with precum. He slides down to your entrance, his face nose deep in between your legs before he dives in; his tongue attacks your sweet nectar. Sensational couldn't even begin to describe how you feel. He eats you with an enthusiasm that almost makes you laugh despite the deep pleasure he brings you. “You taste better than I remembered,” he mouths. “Cum for me.”

Your body is at its brink, ready to fall, when Seungcheol slips his fingers in, working together with his tongue to make sure you hit that pool of ecstasy. Your hands grip his hair, and your orgasm hits you like cool water on a warm day. You feel him smirk against your thigh, leaving you with lasting, small kisses before lifting his face and revealing your essence on the lower half. You cover your mouth to hold back your giggles, and he rolls his eyes, leaning over and kissing your lips. “I’m not sorry,” you breathe. “You knew what you were doing.”

“You shouldn’t be,” he smirks. “Especially when I’m going to make you do it again.”

Seungcheol lifts your leg, pulling himself back as he rubs his throbbing dick against your entrance. Your eyes grow wide as he taps your sensitive, swollen clit, a mischievous grin on his face. 

“Don’t worry, baby,” he says as if reading your thoughts. “I’m going to start slow.” “You don’t want me to blo—” you start to protest. “No, I’ve waited long enough,” his deep and velvety voice serves as a warning. FUCK.

He enters you inch by inch, stretching you out the way you like, your fingers already gripping the sheets. You look at him through a hazy daze, his focus on burying himself deep inside of you, bringing you a deep satisfaction. You enjoy watching his Adam’s apple shift when he moans, his voice barely audible while he dives into you. You remember the first time you slept together; he had your legs over his shoulder, fucking you long and deep on top of your blue couch at your old place. You both didn’t intend for it to happen that way; you were caught up in the highs of seeing a band you both enjoy, and one thing led to another. His dick is long with a bit of a curve, fitting perfectly like your pussy was molded and made for him. No one has even come close. 

“Give it to me,” you breathe. “Please, I need you bad.” Seungcheol loves it when you beg for it, and he obliges, his thrusts becoming harder, deeper. Maybe it’s because you love him, but he is the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen. The way his hips roll as he snaps into you, watching him come in and out of you with your wetness coating him, turns you on. Your hands grasp his face, your thumb slipping into his mouth as he fucks you silly. You can barely form words in your head, let alone say anything else but “fuck” and “make me cum”. He fucks you in a way that makes you have wet dreams and leaves you with a puddle in your sheets. If he were a Greek god, he would be Eros, the god of love and sex. That’s how bad he has you. “Turn over,” you grit your teeth. You lean up and flip him over, his throbbing cock still inside you as you are on top of him. You let your body take over, riding him while his hands are placed firmly on your breasts. You set the pace, and he follows, a harmonious rhythm between the two of you, your senses heightened to another level. You are on this incredible high, sliding on his shaft while you vigorously play with your clit, ready to cum. “Did you miss this?  He teases you as he grinds harder into you. “Did you miss sitting on this dick until you cum?” You nod fervently, your hand still playing with your clit, and you are ready to explode. 

“Fuck,” he grits his teeth. “I’m close. Let’s come together like we always do.” You erupt, screaming his name while he sloppily pumps into you, his hair sweaty and his succulent lips red from biting. He leans up and kisses you hard, your moans and words of praise swallowed and digested. Whatever you were going to say, he felt it more, your hearts beating in unison powered by your feelings for each other. He talks you through it, helping you come down from your high before he releases his own, spilling into you until he is completely spent. You’ve been on birth control for years, and Seungcheol is the only person you’ve let hit without a condom. It just feels so right with him. You roll off of him, collapsing on your pillow as you try and catch your breath. His breathing is relaxed, and when you gaze at him, his eyes are closed, already half asleep. You attempt to get out of bed, but he grabs your arm, pulling you close to him. 

“Stay,” he kisses your shoulder. “I sleep better when you’re with me.” 

You can’t deny him when he is in this state, pulling on your heartstrings like that. 

“Fine, you win,” you say without much effort. 

Glancing at the time, it’s after 12, and fatigue finally hits you at least. Snuggling into him, you fall into a deep sleep, but not before admitting that you still love him and would do anything for him. 

The sunlight is not kind as it peers through your windows and wakes you up a little after 9. You had forgotten to draw the curtains before you fell asleep, but you didn’t have much energy left after the night you had. You woke him up after three, sucking his cock until he exploded down your throat, and he returned the favor by eating you out until you were ripe from overstimulation. You made such a mess that you had to change your sheets and listen to him teasing you about your “old lady” sheets. Whatever, you liked them.

You rolled over, and Seungcheol was already awake, scrolling through his phone. He notices you and kisses your forehead before removing your blanket and smacking your ass.

“Good morning, beautiful,” he says, leaning back against the headboard.

You chuckle as you get out of bed, grab your silk robe, and walk into the bathroom. You feel sore; last night’s shenanigans are indeed catching up with you. You just want to lay in bed and relax, but you have this nagging feeling in your stomach. You could brush it off and deal with it later, but knowing you, you will overthink, turning it into something it's not. You have to know how he feels.

Finishing up in the bathroom, you leave to find him setting orange juice on your nightstand with a couple of ibuprofen. He is only dressed in his sweats and nothing underneath, your center aching for him despite the tenderness you feel.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, reading your look. You have never had a good poker face.

You sit down on the bed, take your two pills, and wash them down with orange juice. You allow yourself to get your thoughts in order. You're unsure what to say, but you know the conversation needs to be had.

“What are we doing?” you blurt out. “I love you, and you never stopped loving me. Why can’t we just get it right?”

The silence is too deafening for your liking. It would be like you to tear the band-aid off first thing in the morning. But you hate being in the dark, not knowing what the future will hold. You’re not saying that you have to jump the broom, but you have to know if there’s any chance he feels the same way you do.

“I-I-m sorry,” you shake your head. “I shouldn’t have sprung that on you first thing in the morning. Forget I said anything.” 

You attempt to leave the room before Seungcheol catches your arm and motions for you to sit down. Grudgingly, you do, sitting on your ottoman and facing him. “You didn’t even give me a chance to respond,” he complains. “You can’t always assume how I feel is something bad. Give me a chance.” You nod, knowing deep down he is right. “You are right,” He admits. “I love you, and this song and dance we’ve been doing for years is tired. I came to you last night because I missed you and I need you. You’re the only one in my life who has always kept it straight with me, even when you get on my nerves.” You smirk at his comment, knowing it’s true. “But we have also been apart for a long time, and as much as I want to jump back into our usual routine, I recognize we have grown up a bit and need to get to know each other as our different selves.” You nod slowly, mulling over his words, unsure what to say. “I also don’t want to see anyone else,” he breathes. “You are the only person I want to see, to do this with.” He points at the sheets, and you roll your eyes. It would be like him to somehow bridge it back to sex. 

“So…” your voice trails off. “What are we then? We are more than friends but not together? I don’t understand.” “I want to be with you,” he grabs your hands. “If we fight and storm off to our houses, I’d rather it be that then we break up and don’t talk for months at a time. I hate that.” You nod, finally understanding what he is saying. He is scared of the future, just like you are. But in this life, you would rather go through it with him than anyone else. You have too much time and feelings just to throw it away. “Maybe we can try talking to someone about it this time around?” You say. “A therapist or something? I want to be with you, and maybe working through our issues to understand each other better sometimes is what we need.” “Yeah, I’m open to that.” He hugs you, embracing you tightly before leaving sweet kisses on your face. You are deathly ticklish, and he knows it. He moves his kisses elsewhere until you find yourself in your bed, his body towering over yours. He leaves you one more kiss on your lips before laying his head on your chest. “We’re going to be okay,” he whispers.

You look down and smile, caressing the dark stresses in his hair.

“Yeah. We will be.”

[despacito-uwu16]

IN THE PAST AND IN EVERY LIFETIME

KENJI SATO X READER

|Fluff |Past Life

“And if death do us part, I promise to find you in every lifetime” - Alex Warren

⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺

Your fiance kisses your forehead while he pulls you closer to him. You rested your head on his chest while admiring the small diamond ring that glimmered in the moonlight.

“It’s beautiful”.

“I’m glad you like it. When I saw it at the shop, it made me think of you”.

“It’s perfect”.

He lifts up your chin and plants a warm, soft kiss on your lips as the bells of a near by clock tower signals the start of a new year and a new decade.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, and if death do us part, I will always look for you in every lifetime”.

“Happy New Years Y/N”…

“Y/N”! Your friend Asami yells at you, snapping you out of your day dream.

“We’re here”. She points to the bookstore.

“Oh sorry”. You apologized as she drags you into the place.

~

As soon as the two of you entered the bookstore, the smell of coffee and new books hit your nostrils. There was an end-of-the-year sale at Asami’s favorite bookstore and she insisted you come along. You took this as an opportunity to find books for your research paper for the psychology PhD program. While the two of you were looking at books, Asami caught you zoning out again.

“Y/N”! She snaps her fingers getting you out of your trance. “I’m here”! You said loudly, getting attention from other bystanders.

“Seriously, what is up with you? Did you pull an all nighter again? Like I get it’s your thesis paper, but you do realize sleep is important right”? Asami says while skimming through a random book.

“No, it’s not about the paper. I keep having this dream for like the past month and it’s been bothering me”. You say while skimming through the bookshelves.

“Oooh do tell”. Asami looks at you with curiosity.

“In the dream, I was with a guy and we were at this park filled with snow, and he proposed to me under a tree”.

“Man, I wish I had a dream about a guy”. Asami shakes her head and laughs.

“Asami, I’m being serious. It’s like, the dream is telling me to remember this guy, but I really don’t”.

“No offense but I think you’re reading way too many psychology books. I think it’s time to switch genres”.

"That's not how psychology works". You deadpan.

“Anyways, I gotta use the bathroom. BRB”. Asami puts down the book she was looking at and takes off, leaving you alone to wonder off.

You were walking around trying to find a book you’ve been wanting to use for your paper. After a few minutes of searching, you spot a large textbook sitting on the top shelf.

"Only one copy left".

You notice a step ladder near the bookshelf and begin to climb it. As soon as you reached the last step of the ladder, you stood on your tippy toes and you reached for the book. After a few attempts, you managed to get your book. But before you could climb back down, the screws of the ladder unscrewed itself, causing the step to break. You fall off and braced for impact, only for a guy to catch you.

“Woah, has anyone ever told you not to climb on faulty ladders? ”. The man puts you down before you could get a better look at him.

“Sorry”. You looked down in embarrassment. The man picks the book you dropped from the floor.

“Here, you should be more careful next time”. His speech slowed down as he made eye contact with you. His arm was frozen in place, the book still in his hand. You look at the man and his features. For some reason, he looks so familiar. It feels like you’ve met him before, but you don’t know where.

“Ummm… thank you”. You grabbed the book from him and began to walk away.

“Y/N”? You turn back to him.

“Yeah”?

“I thought I’d never see you again”. He muttered out loud.

“I’m sorry, do I know you”? You ask, feeling really creeped out.

“Oh”. He clears his throat. “I’m sorry, it’s just, you look like someone I knew from a long time ago”.

“Y/N”! Asami calls out to you. “There you are! I was looking for you! You have got to stop wandering around girl”! Asami notices the guy and looks up and down in disgust. “Shall we head to the register”? She says, slowly dragging you away from the man.

“WAIT”! You and Asami turn back at the man in annoyance.

“I know we just met, but, I want to take you out on a date”. He grabbed a pen from his pocket, took your book and wrote down his number and his name on the first page.

“Text me and we’ll set something up”. He walked away, leaving you stunned.

“Girl, who was that”? Asami asks.

You look down at the page. “I don’t know, but I think i’m about to find out”.

~

You were waiting for the mystery guy to arrive. Of all the days to meet up, he picked New Year’s eve. Despite being really busy, he managed to get a reservation at what is coincidentally your favorite cafe.

From the information you gathered from Asami’s stalker account, the man that saved you from falling on your ass at the book store, was none other than Ken Sato. Turns out he’s a baseball player for the giants, and according to Asami, he is LOADED.

You feel a buzz from your phone. Thinking it was a message from Ken, you opened your phone, only to get a text message from Asami.

“I really hope your date goes well! But if he tries to attempt some serial killer shit, it’s on sight”.

“Asami, you’ve been reading too many horror novels. You should consider switching genres. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine”.

As you send the text message, Kenji runs into the cafe. You wave at him, catching his attention.

“I'm sorry for being late”. Ken sits down. “There was traffic downtown. Another kaiju incident”. He huffs.

“It’s, fine. I’m glad you made it”. You smiled at him.

The waiter took your orders and placed some tea in a white porcelain teapot down, along with two white teacups. He leaves with the menus, leaving you and Ken to bond.

“I’ve always wanted to try this place. This cafe looks cozy”. Ken looks around at the aesthetically pleasing decor.

“The food here is to die for! This is literally my favorite cafe since forever”. You said. Ken nodded.

“From what I’ve read, this place has been open since the 70’s”. He begins to pour some tea into your cup.

“I love how everything is so simple”. You take a sip from your tea. As soon as the hot liquid touches your mouth, it stings your tongue.

“Ahh, hot”! You yelp. Ken chuckles as you pout.

“Something’s never changed”. He chuckles as he shakes his head.

You look at him in bewilderment.

“Sorry," He cleared his throat. "I'm probably creeping you out”. He twiddled his thumbs, looking super stressed out.

“I’m sorry Ken”…

“Kenji. Call me Kenji”. He interrupts.

“Okay, Kenji, have we met before? Because when we met at that bookstore, you said you thought you would never see me again”.

“You really don’t remember me”? Kenji says, his gray eyes looking at you with disappointment.

“Well, the thing is, I think you’re the guy that keeps appearing in my dreams . I thought you were someone I made up, but it turns out you’re real, and you’re sitting right in front of me”.

“Am I supposed to”? You ask

Kenji looks down at his tea, the clumps of sugar that he put in a minute ago beginning to dissolve.

“Umm, nevermind. So, tell me about yourself”.

The conversation lasted for hours. Everything felt so casual between the two of you. Kenji told you how he led the Giants to the championships; despite almost dragging them six feet underground. He had to use simpler terms when describing some of the plays since you weren’t much of a sports fan. On the other hand, you were telling him how you were trying to pursue your PhD in psychology, and how it’s always been your dream to get your doctorate degree. Kenji admired the bright look on your face while you talked about your passion.

While you were having a great time with Kenji, you have a gut feeling that he has something to do with your dreams. He knows something you don’t, and you want to know what he’s hiding.

Eventually, the waiter had to kick you out of the cafe because they were closing early for the holiday. As you two stepped out in the cold, the sun was almost gone, and the sky became darker.

“I don’t really feel like going home yet. Wanna head down to the park with me”? Kenji asks.

“Umm, sure"!

As you walk to the park, Kenji grabs your hand. You look up at him and smile. There was something familiar about this warm feeling, like deja vu. When you reach the park, you can see the patch of snow that stretches down for miles. While walking down the semi-icy path, you keep thinking about Kenji's motives. He's not telling you anything, and couldn't take any more secrets.

“Kenji, can you be honest with me”? You blurt out.

He looks down at you.

“How come you remember me, but I don’t remember you? What are you not telling me”?

Kenji sighs and looks at the ground. You stood there, your arms crossed, waiting for him to answer you.

“This might sound weird. Like out of a novel weird”.

“Try me”.

“Okay, but first, come with me”. Kenji grabs your hand and drags you along.

“Where are we going”? You ask.

“You’ll see”.

You both go deeper into the park, where all the trees divide the park and the streets and where there is no one in sight. The more you both go down the path, the more your anxiety starts to peak.

“Oh my God, what if Asami was right? What if he is an actual serial killer and he planned your demise since your first encounter”?

But a familiar setting caught your eye before you could think of any worst-case scenarios. You were standing in front of a tree covered in snow. The same tree that was in your dream sequence.

“Look familiar”? Kenji asks.

“Actually yeah”. You turn to him. “What are we doing here”? You ask him.

“This was the place where I proposed to you”.

“Proposed to me”?

Your brain clicked as you piece everything together. The repeated dream you had was a memory from the past.

“You’re the guy… you’re the guy from my dreams”. Your eyes widen

“So you do remember”!

“Not exactly”. You shrug.

Kenji takes both of your hands. You look up at him. His soft gaze locked onto you.

“Y/N, you and I were together in our past life”.

You stared at him like a deer in headlines. You’ve read about past lives in an article before, but you didn't think it was real.

“December 31st, 1979”. He starts. “I took you to that cafe, y'know the one we went to today, and then we walked down to this very same park and I proposed to you here”.

You still look at Kenji in shock. You tried to say something, but you couldn't form any sentences.

“I understand it’s a lot to process”. Said Kenji.

“No, no I sort of understand now. Although, I don’t remember anything after that”.

Kenji looks down at the ground. “Six months after the New Year, we were in a car crash. I only suffered a broken leg. But your injuries were too severe. You didn’t survive in surgery”.

“Oh”.

“That day, I promised myself that I would find you again, and when I did, I would never let you go”.

Kenji takes out a small black box. He opens it to reveal a small diamond ring, the same one he proposed with all those years ago.

“Kenji”…

“I know we just met again, and I don’t expect you to remember anything, but you are my soulmate, Y/N. I never want to lose you again". Kenji puts the ring on your finger. The small diamond ring glimmering in the moonlight.

Everything comes flooding back to you. The guy was Kenji. He's real. Everything that happened in your dream is real. Kenji pulls you closer to him. Your lips were inches away from his. He closes the gap between the two of you. Your heart swells as he hugs you tighter. The two of you separate, trying to catch your breath. You admired the ring, reminiscing how beautiful it was, how it felt so right on your ring finger.

“It’s perfect”. You smile.

“I know, but it’s not as perfect as you”. He smiles

You blush. “I can’t believe you waited for me”.

“I did promise you all those years ago, that if death do us part, I will always look for you in every lifetime”.

The bells of a nearby clock tower signaling the start of a new year.

“Happy New Year Y/N”.

“Happy New Year Kenji”.

You kiss Kenji again as the sound of the clock tower bells continue to echo across the park.

⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺˚•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙˚⁺‧͙⁺

Alex and Kovur’s wedding is everything!!! I want something like that someday!! Also, the bookstore scene was inspired by a Tinder ad with Lana Condor lol.

IMPORTANT A/N: I will be going international for a few weeks so everything might be on hold for a bit. But I have a few things cooking. Also, stay tuned next Friday/Saturday for a little surprise.

As always, Likes, Comments and Reblogs are appreciated and feel free to request anything!

[hunterscabin]

This Baby Will Have A Father Part I

Summary: Y/N is an actress on Supernatural. After becoming pregnant, her boyfriend leaves her, not wanting anything to do with the baby. Unsure of what the future holds, her male co-stars show her that she’s not alone. 

Pairings: Reader x SPN Cast

Warnings: Unplanned pregnancy, nervous reader, fluff

Word Count: 1.3k 

Author’s Note: I only have two parts of this story written, and unless it gets major traction, I’m not sure I’ll be writing more. I didn’t want to be a tease and leave y’all hanging, but those who’ve responded said they don’t care and would like to read anyway. Let me know if I should keep going! 

Filming had only resumed one week ago, and you were already having difficulty hiding your pregnancy. Hiatus had come at the perfect time, right when you were really starting to show, but now that you were in your fifth month, loose sweaters and baggy shirts were no longer able to conceal your constantly expanding stomach. You had told wardrobe and the show’s producers, but the life growing inside of you was still a secret to most of the cast and crew.

It had been a hectic day on set, and you were beyond grateful when Bob called for lunch. You saw some of the guys head into Jensen’s trailer and figured now was as good a time as any to tell them you were expecting. Before you could lose the gumption, you marched up to the door, pausing only briefly before knocking.

“Hey, Y/N/N!” Jensen smiled as he opened the door and stepped aside for you to come in. A loud roar of laughter filled the air.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Not at all!” Jensen picked up his plate and pulled out the chair he had been using. “Have a seat.”

Along with the featured cast, many guest actors were in town to shoot a special episode. Jared and Misha were sitting at the kitchenette table with Rob while Alex and Rich enjoyed their lunch on the sofa.   

“I think I’ll stand. Thanks, though, Jay.” The palpable apprehension coursing through you was in stark contrast to the lighthearted atmosphere in Jensen’s trailer, and your mood didn’t go unnoticed. 

“Everything okay, Y/N?” Misha asked. Before the break, most of the cast had noticed and even discussed your unusually reserved and distant nature. Misha wondered if your current trepidation had anything to do with your pre-hiatus behavior.

“Yes.” You answered with uncertainty.

You had shared your pregnancy with some of the women in the cast earlier that week, and while their support and advice had been immensely heartening, it was emotionally exhausting going over your story again and again. You thought it’d be easier telling all the guys at once. Now, as your eyes scanned the room, you grew increasingly anxious seeing everyone’s attention on you. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, after all.

“I have some news to share.” you said hesitantly.

“Good news, I hope?” Rob cautioned, his voice full of anticipation.

“Great news, actually.” You took a deep breath, uncrossed your arms, and opened your sweatshirt. “I’m pregnant.”

You smiled tentatively, not knowing how everyone would take the news. After what felt like ages, Alex stood to place a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Congratulations, Y/N/N!” He beamed, kissing you on the cheek.

Rob and Rich were close behind, both of them pulling you into a warm hug.

“How far along are you?” Rob smiled as he leaned out of the embrace. He held you at arm’s length, taking in the sight of your bump.

“I’m just over five months along.”

“You look great!” Rich exclaimed.

“You really do.” Rob affirmed, giving your shoulder an encouraging squeeze. “I’m amazed you were able to hide this from us for so long. Now that I know, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before!”

“The ladies in wardrobe were very helpful.” You smiled coyly.

You were relieved that Rob, Rich, and Alex seemed genuinely happy, but you couldn’t shake the deafening silence radiating from the table behind you.   

Jared, Jensen, and Misha still hadn’t said anything, so you turned to face them. When your eyes met theirs you could see their shock. They were the big brothers you never had, and you told each other everything. The most painful part of keeping your pregnancy a secret was lying to the three of them, but you had to process your own feelings before telling everyone else. You never imagined you’d find yourself alone and pregnant. In an instant, you went from being a responsible twenty-something who made all of the right decisions to a statistic mothers tell their daughters to scare them into abstinence. It had taken you months to come to terms with your new future. You had no idea how the boys would react.

“Do you know who the father is?” Jared questioned, breaking through the nervous silence.

“Jare.” Jensen chastised, reaching over and smacking Jared upside the head.

“It’s okay.” You flashed them both a soft smile, trying to ease some of the tension. You knew Jared didn’t mean any harm; it was a legitimate question that came from a place of sincere curiosity and not of judgment or ridicule. You hadn’t mentioned to them that you’d been seeing someone for a few months prior to getting pregnant. Your male cast mates tended to be a little too overprotective in the boyfriend department, so you didn’t usually go out of your way to share stories about your dating life.

“I do.” you confirmed. 

“Does he know?” Jared followed up.

“Now that deserves a hit.” you joked, raising your eyebrows and nodding your head toward Jared. As if rehearsed, Jensen brought his hand down across the back of Jared’s head, ruffling his hair in the process.

Everyone snickered, but their laughter quickly faded when they noticed your somber expression.

“He said he isn’t ready to be a father,” your hands instinctively moved to your stomach, “and he doesn’t want any part of this.”

“Y/N, I didn’t…”

“It’s okay, Jare.” you assured, cutting his apology short. Your heart fell at the sight of his sheepish face. The looks of pity you received when telling your story never got easier.

Jensen walked over and placed a hand on the small of your back. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Are you okay?” he asked, unsure of what else to say.  

“I am.” Jensen looked at you suspiciously. “Really, I am.”

Your response was truthful. Life circumstances had taught to be strong and capable, and while you knew it would be the greatest challenge you ever faced, you felt prepared to handle life as a single mother. You were built for it.

After a moment of contemplation, you let out a deep sigh. “I just feel bad this little one won’t have a father.”

Your voice was almost a whisper, but everyone in the room heard your concern. A shadow of sadness cast over their faces, each of their hearts quietly breaking at the thought of you and your baby on your own.

“Y/N, you don’t have to do this alone.” Misha reached across the table and took your hand in his. “I will always be here for you.” His blue eyes were full of kindness. 

“We will always be here for you.” Jared emphasized, standing to pull you into a hug.

Their sentiments were beyond touching, but you knew the inordinate amount of work that went into raising a baby, and it was a responsibility you had come to accept alone. You were never one to burden others with your needs, and all of these men had their own families. The last thing you wanted was to interject into their already busy lives.

Not wanting to fight their well intentions, you simply said “Thank you,” and leaned further into Jared’s comforting embrace.

The second you closed the trailer door behind you, everyone let out an audible sigh.

“That explains a lot.” Alex said.

“I’m really worried about her.” Rob confessed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Me too,” Jensen agreed, “She has such a hard time asking for help, and she’s definitely going to need it.”  

“We have to show her we’re serious about being there for her and being a part of this baby’s life.” Misha asserted.

A broad smile spread across Rich’s face, and he stood up from the sofa.

“I think I have an idea.”

Part II

Masterlist

[fallingforel]

arabella pt 13.- Tolerate it.

SERIES MASTERLIST BLOG MASTERLIST

"Matty is our main focus right now. Not the band. Not hann and I. Not Alex and I. so don’t you even dare George. The band doesn’t matter right now”

⋆｡°✩

6 weeks later.

Okay. So maybe I was wrong when I said that I'd be okay as soon as Matty went to rehab. But I wasn't I didn't know how to live without him. He was the glue that held our friendship group together. Now that he's gone we've all fallen out. I'm on the outs with both George and Adam. I'm close to being on the outs with Ross too, having snapped at him one too many times this past 4 weeks. He's been strong, he knows that I am worried about Matty. We all are, he just hides it better.

Matty... I haven't spoken to him since he left for barbados. He said that It would be hard to keep contact. It will just make him want to come home. He didn't want that. He wanted to get better. For everyone's sake. They left the album behind for him to record his vocals when he got back. When that would be nobody knew.

Apart from Deliah. she had been his point of contact, having not known her for that long it made it easier to keep in touch with him, without actually being in touch. She wouldn't tell us when he was coming back. Because in all honest Matty didn't know either. He had his bad days and good. Rehabilitation wasn't a one way street it had a lot of twists and turns but it would get you to the final destination eventually. Sobriety. That was what we all wanted for Matty so we decided to respect his decisions.

As for Alex. He came down after finishing his mexican leg. I didn't stay very long in Wilmslow. Just until Matty left. Alex came down to visit in that time though. Met my parents, safe to say he was a hit. Though my dad gave him the talk "if you hurt my daughter I hurt you back ten times harder". But then 2 weeks ago I was in his apartment looking for my bra which had been thrown on the floor and then pushed under the bed as i went to go grab it my hand felt papers so I naturally picked them up, they were poems written in the style of love letters, one was dated to about two weeks ago, it broke my heart because they weren't addressed to me they were addressed to a girl named Flo and another addressed to Alexa. I didn't have time to dwell on it though because we were due to go out so I left it and shoved them back under the bed.

My job was still going steady, I featured in 2 music videos. One for a relatively new band one direction and one for Alex again. He insisted. And I even did London fashion week, It was a definitely a pinch me moment. Walking alongside people like Kate Moss and Cara Delevingne. Everyone was so lovely. It was bittersweet that George Adam and Matty couldn't be there, but Ross, Alex and my parents were there.

Right now though, I am currently sitting in a coffee shop in london waiting for Ross. He said he had a surprise for me. Whenever Ross said he had a surprise it usually wasn't a good one. It usually involved something nobody liked, illegal or dangerous. One year when we were all 15 Ross decided to steal his parents car drive it to the rec so we could all smoke weed somewhere warm. It probably wasn't a good idea though. Because Denise was coming back late from a shoot in a car she saw us, and heard us (no thanks to Matty), Dragged us back to our houses and we were all grounded for a month. Matty getting 2 since Denise never let him off easy.

The scraping of a chair to the side of me slipped me from my thoughts. "What do you want Ross?" "Wow. Whatever happened to hello?" "Just shut up and tell me what you want" "Okay, well I'm staging an intervention. This has gone on way too long this arguing between you and Adam and you and George. I'm fed up of the distance you've put up. Matty certainly doesn't need it for when he gets back. Apologize please. George is on his way now. Adam has to make a stop first."

I hate to admit it but Ross was right. I had put up a wall between me and everyone. Matty didn't deserve that for when he returned. I also hated not knowing what was going on with George and Adam, it was like a piece of me was missing. Like I wasn't properly whole.

The bell rang throughout the cafe. snapping me from my thoughts again. George stood there. Pulling up a chair on the opposite side of where Ross and I were sat. Silence rang deep through the three of us. None of us speaking.

"G..." I started soon cut off "Y/n. don't I was completely in the wrong. I shouldn't have assumed. Shouldn't have blamed Matty for something that wasn't his fault in the first place, I was wrong. And for that I'm sorry" "G. It's okay. I forgive you. It was a very stressful time. I understand the immense pressure you were under." "Okay friends again? Hug?" I let out an immense puff of breath I hadn't realised I had been holding. Shoulders dropping. "yes please I've missed my tree hugs these past 6 weeks" I say standing up and walking around the table to hug him.

We stayed like that for a good few minutes before George broke the hug pulling away. And sitting down. I followed in his steps sitting on mine and Ross' side. "Have either of you heard from Dee?" we both shook our heads. "I haven't spoken to her on the Matty front since hearing about him stroking horses." I said "Oh weird. How long ago was that?" "About a week ago. she said he should be coming out soon. He's come on leaps and bounds apparently" I said.

"I hope its soon" A voice broke out. There stood Adam. I hadn't seen him in about a month. He looked different. Like he hadn't slept in weeks the bags under his eyes more prominent, I had never noticed them before. He looked stressed, probably was.

"Adam!" I said getting up to hug him. "I'm sorry, I should've realized that it was hard on you. I didn't realize it would effect you that much."

"It's not that. That's not the reason for my eye bags. My cousins visiting. She's driving me insane. She's being so loud at night. Don't get me wrong I love her. You all know I love Flo but man sometimes. She's mad that I didn't tell her about Matty. She's going off at me anytime I'm around her I'm currently avoiding her." Adam says

"well... that's wheels for you" George says after Adam finishes.

"I'm sorry...who the fuck is wheels. And why do I not know about her? Why does she all know you so much?" I say questioning everything that Adam had said. "She's Adam's cousin. She spent her summers over in Wilmslow. You wouldn't know her because you were always in Brighton whenever she was over. So you would have never bumped into her." "Makes sense invite her over." Just as I say that.

"ADAM!! look who I found while chasing you down." A woman with brown hair walks in and tugs on my boyfriends arm. Why is Adams cousin with my boyfriend? I'm so confused right now.

"ALEX!!!!" I say running up to him. hugging him

"hey babe." he says hugging me back.

"I wasn't aware you were back in London?" "Just got back last night. Was just walking to your place and bumped into Flo. Thought she was still in Sheffield. Apparently not." "You are going to have to explain how you know Adam's cousin though I'm so confused right now" Of course I already knew how he knew her the love letters but that wasn't anything to say because he didn't know I knew about them. "She's my best mate has been since forever, she's in the same friendship group as everyone else in the band is so..."

"fair enough, go sit down I'll grab you a coffee. It's on me this time. You bought the last lot." I say kissing him on the lips and urging him to go and sit down with the rest of them.

While I'm stood in the queue. Flo in front of me she turns around. "I don't think we've properly met. I'm Flo. Friends with the whole lot of that table over there" She says extending her hand out with a smile plastered on her face

"I’m y/n, How long have you known G, Ross and Matty for?" "Since I was 17. I'm 26 now. So... A long time. How about you how long have you known them for?"

"Since we were babies, Matty's mum and mine were best friends for ages before Matty and I were born. So naturally that lot came wherever Matty went and Matty went wherever I went. Our Mum's used to say we were attached at the hip."

"So you must be missing him like mad then?"

"yeah just a little bit. It feels weird not having my sidekick with me through everything."

"yeah I can imagine. I don't know what I would do if Matt or Alex wasn't with me all the time." she says.

"Oh so you and Alex are quite attached then?" I say the jealousy leaking out a bit.

"Oh. HAHA" she says. Walking over and getting her coffee and going to sit down next to Alex. weird.

I couldn't help but be worried she just laughed and walked off. 'stop worrying y/n you have nothing to worry about, you and Alex are completely fine' My thoughts in my head were all over the place, I had no one to talk to since Matty left. He was my point of contact all the time we would talk for hours and hours about everything and anything he would calm me down, he was there for me when my ex cheated on me. He was there when my dad went to rehab. And for him not to be here when everything was turning to shit it sucked. I didn't know what to do.

"latte and croissant" The person at the till shouted snapping me out of my thoughts. I grabbed my coffee and croissant and went to sit back down next to George this time seen as Flo had sat down next to Alex.

What I didn't notice before is how close Alex and Flo actually were they were laughing and hugging every few moments, if anyone walked past our table at that moment in time they would think that Alex and Flo were together not Alex and I.

"so, Flo what do you do?"

"I'm a painter, I've found a gallery that's holding an exhibition. I've also designed both the monkeys and the 1975's merch. even after they changed their name many times. Was thinking about leaving them high and dry. Then I heard about Matty going to rehab so I thought better. I actually have the rough drafts for both of your merch guys. Do you want to see" They all answered yeah. And so I realised that was my time to slip out this didn't involve me not feeling the greatest about Alex and Flo already.

⋆｡°✩

"hey dee" I said after the phone call indicated that dee had picked up "hey y/n you okay?"

"yeah just wondering if you had a date yet?" "You're missing him loads huh?" "yeah, just a bit he's my ride or die. I'm going insane. I have no one to talk shit with" "yeah I understand. I do have a date actually. But I'm not allowed to say he wants it to be kept a surprise" "Oh?" I say my eyebrow extending.

"yeah. Look listen all I can say is it's soon and in no time you'll have your bestfriend back. Won't be long now"

"Thanks dee. talk to you tomorrow?"

"yes. Talk to you tomorrow love."

⋆｡°✩

After talking to dee I decided to go home. I just felt like my social battery had died and wanted to be home alone so I jumped on to the tube.

Arriving at my flat I noticed the door was unlocked and left ajar. That's odd. I was completely sure I had locked and closed it before I left.

I put my keys in between my knuckles until I got inside then I grabbed my bat by my door that Matty insisted I kept there when I moved out to London.

Humming broke out through the flat.

Then soft singing.

A one direction song.

"they don't know about us"

I knew that voice.

I edged towards the kitchen where the singing was coming from, just to be sure.

I was oh so sure.

Here he was in my flat. singing. making what looked like eggs.

I dropped the bat the sound echoing through my flat. Making him turn around.

"Geez bug. scare a guy why don't you?"

"Scare you? How about you scaring me? You broke in."

"Not exactly, I had a key."

"You left my door open you idiot" I slapped him on the chest

"OUCH."

"Grow up. You went to rehab not the hospital."

"If you don't recall. I was in the hospital before I went to rehab"

"Just shut up" I say before going into hug him. He happily obliges. Lifting me up off the ground and spinning me around.

⋆｡°✩

"You know when Dee said you'd be back soon. I didn't think she meant this soon."

"yes well, I didn't think it would be this soon until last week when my therapist said he thinks I'm better. well better enough to cope on the outside world anyway. anyway, enough about me. what happened while I was away?"

"G and I had an argument. so did Adam and I but we've patched things up now. I'm back at work doing prep for london fashion week. I have 3 tickets. I was just going to sell them seen as mum and dad can't make it down. But since your here, you can have one. I don't know about the other two though."

"What about Alex?"

"what about him?"

"why is it that you aren't taking him"

"ugh. I found some letters the other day while roaming about his flat. It seemed like love letters Matty. The oldest one was two weeks ago they was addressed to girls named Alexa and flo. and then flo turned up laughed in my face and was acting all loved up with Alex... What if he's cheating on me?"

"Nooooo.... surely not wheels and Alex. Last thing I knew she was dating peter."

"yes...well believe it cause it's very real" I say back

“I just can’t believe it….surely not”

“I don’t know but I just can’t think properly”

“Message him, ask him to talk”

“okay.”

⋆｡°✩

A/n: so it’s finally here after a few months i’ve just been so busy and had really bad writers block but i think this has to be one of my favourite fics… a massive thank you to @imagine-that-100 to letting me use Flo’s character from @nriacc I loved that fic so much so a big big thank you and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it 💕💕

[jxckyx3]

This prompt dates back to February of 2022

(⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠)

Oh well, here it is 😂

🍀💚 🖤💚🍀

__________________________________

Ship: Nogla harem

Top(s): Marcel, Evan, Brian, Tyler & Jon

Bottom: Nogla

AU: Team 6

Setting: Team 6 house

Type: Fluff / Comfort

Warning ⚠️: This chapter contains mentions of homophobia, sexual touching, drink spiking, relationship manipulation and other mentions or situations that may disturb, trigger or offend the viewer. Reader's discretion is advised. -- the r@pe word is used once as well as the p3do word--

__________________________________

Nogla's pov -

"Kay, see ye soon." I said, trying so hard to hide the smile in my voice. Alex chuckled deeply, the sound going straight to my heart.

"I'll see 'ye' soon too." He said. I scoffed in only half offense, immediately earning a louder laugh from him.

"Don't make fun of me!" I grumbled, walking over to my bed and peeking into the white present-like bag that had been resting there.

"I can't help it, you're too cute when you're mad." He retorted. I huffed, rolling my eyes at the reasoning. Regardless I felt a stupidly wide smile spread to my face, my cheeks heating up.

"Whatever. I'll see you later, love you." I mumbled, making sure to use proper English this time, being a little embarrassed to let the accent slip in this time.

"Yeah, yeah. See ya soon baby." He muttered with a smile. The sound of him hanging up sounded through my ear from the phone, a tiny beep followed up.

I sighed, biting my lip as I tossed my phone to the side.

Alex wasn't very comfortable using the L word. I didn't hold it against him. I mean, he did just get out of a relationship not too long ago.

In fact, we started dating a week after his last one. We've been together for two months now, and though most find that strange to move on so quick, Alex insisted that we go right into it.

He said it would help him move on and I was willing to take that risk. I wanted to see him happy, and if I was what made him smile, I was gonna give him my all to make sure he was happy.

And that all leads up to now.

Alex wanted to take me out on date, seeing as how we haven't had a proper one in over a month. He wanted to go somewhere fancy, yet, casual.

He insisted he buy me clothes for the occasion, no matter how many times I told him that I had enough. But he said he wanted me to wear something that would bring out my more feminine features.

Not that I minded that. I fully embraced the effeminate sides of myself, but I never exposed them much.

And according to this outfit, Alex really wanted me to...

I hummed in thought as I held up the dress. The top was a mint green and the skirt-like bottom was black. I glanced over to see a pair of black tights and pair of one inch high heels.

I was glad the heels were so small, because God forbid I trip and fall on my face in front of Alex.

I reached into the bag again, pulling out the remaining of the outfit. I was slightly taken aback, setting the articles next to the others.

There was a black garter belt and red lacy panties, along with a matching bra.

I was confused, seeing as, well me and Alex hadn't had sex yet and I wasn't planning on it any time soon. So why the flashy lingerie?

I knew that Alex was very complimenting. He liked to call me beautiful almost every minute of the day. But for me to dress like this? Of course, it would mostly be hidden under the main part of the clothing, but...just, why?

I kind of wanted to call him back and ask him about it, but before I could do any of that, my hands were instinctively moving on their own.

I pulled my clothes off and set them aside.

A part of me was curious as to how they would feel on my skin. I had never worn anything like this before, let alone women's clothing in general.

I grabbed the bra and gently started to slip it on. It felt soft and fragile, and I found myself carefully hooking it on like some type of delicacy.

The bra had no pads or cupping in it. It looked more like a boy bra...if that made sense. I slipped the straps on my shoulders and hummed in interest at how natural it felt.

I then slipped my briefs off, quickly replacing them with the lacy panties.

Like expected, they were just as soft as the bra, the sides pulling up high on my hips. Without much thought of how it all worked, I pulled on the garter belt and clipped the straps to the tights that I so effortlessly slipped on to my legs.

I walked around curiously, simply feeling how nice it felt to be like this. It felt as if I've been doing this my whole life.

I did happen to wear my mom's makeup and clothes when I was a kid, but that was all when I was like, seven.

But this felt... different. Better? In a way? More satisfying?

I then stopped in my tracks, catching a glimpse of myself in my body mirror that hung on my bathroom door.

The dark colors made my pale skin stick out, and the lace made my flushed areas seem a lot more tinted. The tights were a bit...well, tight, and made my thighs bulge a bit where the clothing stopped. The panties accented my hips greatly from how high they came, and everything put together made me look like an actual women.

I set my hand on my hips, humming as I did a litte spin to see the back and sides.

"Bitch...I'm beautiful." I decided, giggling to myself as I moved over to grab the dress. I easily slipped it into my body, the article having a snug fit.

I grabbed a belt from my closet and wrapped it around my waist, humming in approval as I looked in the mirror. I slid my feet into the heels and moved over to my dresser.

I grabbed a few accessories that Alex bought for me, saying he had wanted me to wear them when we went out.

The first was a simple black chocker that made my neck seem slimmer and the second was a silver chained necklace that had a small heart pendant.

I pulled out the new box of earrings that Alex got me from my jewelry drawer and smiled in adoration.

The metal was silver, just liked the necklace but instead of hearts, they were ruby red jewels that looked absolutely beautiful.

I put them in and brushed my hair out, staring at my reflection for a few seconds before my hand slowly come to a halt.

I admired myself, trailing my eyes over the more noticeable features of my face and body as well as the clothing that I had on.

I was never one to be self conscious but I wasn't one to be overconfident either.

For some weird, odd reason, I felt more natural in this sort of outfit. More...me.

I hummed, raising my hand as I put on a thin layer of strawberry chapstick. A thing I did often when I was thinking.

"NOGLA! YOU DONE IN THERE?! YOUR TIMER ON THE OVEN IS GOING OFF!"

I flinched at the ridiculously loud voice, jolting into the dresser and dropping my chapstick in the process. As well as knocking over a few things standing on my dresser as well.

I cursed silently, scrambling to stand them back up.

"Fuck- yeah, just a sec!" I called back, hurriedly fixing my hair before grabbing my phone and heading out into the hall.

I quickly made my way towards the stairs, almost bumping into Evan as he exited his room.

"Oh shit, sor- Nogla?" He asked, immediately frowning as he took in my dress. I blushed slightly, not having thought about how the guys would react to this.

Of course, they knew I was gay. They knew I was in a relationship and of course they knew I was a bottom. Or at least, I think they knew I was a bottom. It's pretty fuckin' obvious.

"Oh, sorry." I apologized, moving around him and skipping down the stairs. Careful not to trip and fall in these damn heels.

"NOGLA, I SAID THE DAMN TIMER—"

"Yeah, yeah I heard ya Ty." I said, lazily patting his face as I passed him at the bar. He spluttered at me, tossing his phone down as he slapped my hand away.

Third pov -

Nogla laughed as Tyler cursed at him, only having time to glare at him for a second before his eyes lowered and he froze in shock.

Nogla continued on, brushing the look of surprise off to head around the bar and slip into the kitchen.

Tyler watched in even more confusion as Nogla casually slipped oven mits on and opened the oven up.

"Hey, I just saw the weirdest thing. I was coming out of my room, and—..." Evan's story trailed off as he seated himself next to Tyler, his eyes quickly catching onto Nogla.

The Irishman set the large, glass container of food on the marble counter, tossing the mits aside to grab a fork.

He slipped it in, checking if the food was done. It cam out clean and steamy, a smile of satisfaction gracing his lips.

"I heard the kitchen timer! Where the food at!" Jon's voice drew out, the man walking into the kitchen like he owned it. 

He was then quick to stop in his tracks as Nogla grabbed his wrists and pulled him over.

"Great, taste t'is." He said. Before Jon had any sort of time to admire the other, a hot spoonful of meatloaf was shoved into his mouth, his tongue immediately bursting with flavor.

He chewed slowly, eyeing up the man that was only slightly taller than him. Jon had always been the same height as Nogla. Even when they all first met him in person, he was even a single centimeter taller than the Irishman. Leaving him the third tallest in their group of six.

Jon glanced down, noticing the black heels the other had on.

For the first time, he experienced what it was like to be shorter than Nogla like the rest of the guys. Well—besides Tyler, of course.

"How is it? Is it good? Is it bad? What? C'mon speak, bitch." Nogla prompted, expression determined as Jon slowly swallowed the savoury taste.

He ignored the comments on Nogla's outfit that lingered on his tongue, fighting them away to come up with an appropriate response.

"Uh, g-good. Yeah, it's good." He said, his tone much softer and unconfident than he would have liked.

"Ya sure? Ye sound like ye're lying." Nogla replied bluntly, narrowing his eyes down a his roommate. Jon quickly shook his head, throwing his hands up in defense.

"No! It's great! I'm just...speechless. it's really good Nogla, I promise. You're a great cook." He reassured, putting on his signature confident grin.

He watched the relief wash over Nogla's pretty features, his glare softening.

He knew how much Nogla liked to be complimented for his cooking. They all knew.

"Oh thank God. Well, t'ats dinner. I'm gonna head out now. Got a date in less than five minutes." He explained, quickly glancing down at his phone before slipping out of the kitchen.

"Wait, date? When do we get to meet this guy?" Tyler blinked out of his transe, his overprotective mode engaging. Nogla hummed with a shrug of his shoulders, grabbing his bag—that he refused to call a purse because he still felt the need to linger onto his masculine pride—that he had left on the counter top earlier when making the food.

"Dunno. When his face pops up, I guess." Nogla said, putting his phone in his bag before making his way to the living room.

The guys quickly exchanged glanced of concern, before all following after their friend.

"But still, how do you know that this guy isn't a murderer of something?" Evan butted in, the four making their presence known to the other two who had been sitting on the couch and watching TV.

"Evan, we've been dating fer two months." Nogla said with a roll of his eyes.

Brian and Marcel stared at Nogla, not saying a word as the others continued to bicker.

"Exactly! He could be a serial killer!" Jon retorted, holding a finger high at the statement.

Nogla sighed with a smile, shaking his head. Jon always suspected someone to be a serial killer. He really needed to stop watching that Dateline show.

"Lads, I'll be fine. Alex wouldn't be able to put down a dyin' puppy if 'e needed ta." He said, crossing his arms as he shifted his weight to one hip.

A few of the guys had lingered their eyes on the movement, noticing the way it had made Nogla's hip just out and display his curves. As well as drawing attention to the visible garter strap that connected to his tights.

"'Alex'? Finally, we get a name! You do know half the population that have the name 'Alex', are most likely to be a rapist." Evan added, ripping his eyes from the exposed skin to meet the taller's gaze.

Nogla giggled at that, throwing his head back as he laughed at the words.

God, his friends were something.

"We haven't even had sex yet, calm down." He said, turning to grab the doorknob.

"Dressed like that, he's definitely gonna wanna do something tonight." Marcel finally spoke, gesturing down to what Nogla had on.

Finally, someone decided to address Nogla's outfit.

He pouted in half flattery and half offense.

"What's wrong wit' what 'm wearing? Alex picked it out." He huffed, glaring over at the other.

"That's exactly it. Alex picked it." Brian stated, knowing that the others understood what he meant.

If Alex picked such a feminine and slightly revealing outfit, than he surely expected Nogla to give him something in return. And that was his body.

"What? I don't get it." The latter said, expression clearly one of confusion.

Tyler sighed loudly, shaking his head and waving at his friend.

"Y'know what? Just go on your date. Enjoy yourself. Don't listen to us." He said, reaching around the shorter and opening the door wide.

His voice were laced with sarcasm. Not a whole lot, but enough to make it clear.

Nogla stared up at him for a second, face blank.

"Oh...okay!" He said cheerfully, not having read Tyler's real statement. Which was 'Go, but don't say we didn't warn you'.

"Oh! Before I go, how do I look?" He asked quickly, looking a bit worried as he stopped and stood still so that the guys could get a full view of the outfit.

The guys froze, staring openly now that they were given permission.

The belt cinched his waist and showed his curves beautifully, the tights made his thighs look damn great and the added accessories were the cherry on top.

He was fucking gorgeous.

"Ye look stunning." Brian admitted with a soft smile, reassuring the other. Nogla blinked in surprise, not having expected an immediate response that was positive.

"T-thanks...Alright, I'm goin'." He said with a blush, smiling happily as he spun on his heel.

Tyler sighed again, feeling slightly annoyed as Nogla skipped out happily over to the red flashy car parked in the middle of the street.

Tyler caught a glimpse of the guy driving it, frowning in confusion as he received, presumably a glare from the man.

"Bye! Don't stay up fer me!" Nogla called, waving Tyler off as he hopped into the passenger street. The American didn't have time to respond as the car split down the road in a matter of seconds.

Tyler grunted with a roll of his eyes, shutting the door and turning to face the other four.

The men stood in complete silence, exchanging the same look of concern.

"I'm starting to worry about this Alex guy." Marcel started, earning hums of agreement.

"True. We don't even know who he is and we leave Nogla to visit him every other day." Evan added with a sigh.

Believe it or not, the guys had become very protective over Nogla ever since he came out to them. Because the second he came out to them, he came out to his channel.

Nogla did happen to receive some hate from it, and regardless of that it didn't bother him, it bothered the guys.

They couldn't just sit here and watch their friend take the heat like that. Especially since he already had enough of that from the rest of their friends teasing him and joking about it.

So instead of calling out the fans, the guys just complained about 'homophobic assholes that don't know their place' while recording with eachother. Wether it be a comment on how their unloyal fans were idiots or getting pissed at unspecified fans commenting, they made sure to make the hating side of their audience know that they knew of their criticism towards Nogla.

Nogla had picked up on it immediately and was very thankful of the guys. He didn't verbally thank them, but making their favorite dinner or baking them treats was enough for them to get the message.

The group of friends had supported eachother through eight years of their lives and they weren't gonna stop any time soon.

"Hmm, we could put an air tag on Nogla when he goes out and then we could follow and see where the two go just to see what the guy does and acts like." Jon suggested out of nowhere, earning a snort in response from Tyler.

"That's illegal, Delirious." He stated. Jon simply shrugged, showing that he didn't care. All he cared about was Nogla's safety. And according to the fact that there was no further complaint on Jon's suggestion, so did the rest of the guys.

"Whatever. All I know, is tat I don't trust this guy. Not one fuckin' bit." Brian grumbled, lazily flipping through the channels of the tv.

_

It was dark out and the sun had already set. The guys had finished the dinner that Nogla made not too long ago and despite his word of telling them not to wait up, they had completely ignored him.

Whenever Nogla said 'not to wait up', that usually meant that he was going drinking with his boyfriend. And when he'd come back home, he'd be totally hammered despite his high tolerance for alcohol.

Meaning Alex and him drank and they drank a lot. But Alex always seemed to manage to drive away quickly and skillful once dropping Nogla off, so the guys highly doubted that Nogla was drinking with him. More like Nogla did all the drinking.

Which, wasn't usual. Nogla didn't care much for alcohol, and when he did, it wasn't much. He wasn't a party guy, therefore he wasn't a frequent drinker, let alone a drinker at all.

Tonight, they assumed the same would happen.

Nogla would bang on the door and waltz in blasted, the guys would have to care for him, clean any puke or drool from his face, tuck him into bed and then Nogla would forget it every happened.

So when Marcel opened the door to a man just a bit over his height, carrying an unconscious Nogla, he didn't know how to feel.

"Uh...hello, who are you?" He asked slowly, trailing his eyes down to Nogla. Trying his hardest not to just pry his skunked over figure from the man in front of him.

The guy had light brown hair, slicked back with a few loose strands spiked up. He had a slight stubble on his chin and jaw, and his eyes were a light grey. His skin was tanned and he was somewhat toned.

He wore a dark grey T shirt and dark blue jeans. Presumably, just black jacket was draped over Nogla's thin body.

"Hey, you must be one of David's roommates. Uh...he got a little confident with the beer and shit and uh...yeah." The man explained, a small nervous smile on his face. Though to Marcel, it looked fixed and forced.

Fake.

A lot of things right now didn't sit right with him.

One, Nogla didn't really like beer. Saying it tasted sour. He preferred wine or a cocktail. Hell, he'd take sparkling water over beer.

Two, the man addressed him as David. It was strange, since almost nobody called him David. Nogla hated the formality of it and only felt comfortable when his family called him that. He didn't even like the guys calling him that. The closest thing they were allowed to use was 'Daithi', and that was because he was comfy with the name.

Third, was the man's hesitation. Like he didn't want to be here, yet he had no choice, seeing as Nogla was too dazed to even stand on his own, let alone walk into the door by himself.

"So...uh, can I come in?" The man asked, glancing around as if he expected to be let in the second he showed up. Marcel stared at him suspiciously for a second, before nodding and slowly stepping aside.

The man grunted softly as he picked Nogla up bridal style and strut into the room. He had only glanced around for a split second before making his way to the couch in the living room and setting Nogla down.

Marcel cringed at how careless he did it. As if Nogla was a sort of rag doll or liability. He frowned, watching as the man stroked his pale face in silence, running the tips of his fingers down Nogla's neck.

"So you must be Alex." He spoke up, making himself present as he watched the man move his hand dangerously close to the top of Nogla's dress. As if he was about to just rip it off.

Alex yanked his hand back, clearing his throat before seating himself and nodding.

"Uh, yeah. That's me." He said with a grin.

Marcel noted that the man had horrible acting skills. Trying to seem friendly to make a good first impression. It was clear that this man hadn't planned on meeting any of the guys, seeing as he tried every possible way to steer clear of introductions.

Like now, he couldn't even look Marcel in the eye.

"Hey we heard the door bell, did Nogla come...home?"

Jon came into the room from the hall, the rest of the guys right behind him.

They usually just sat in their theater room and watched movies till Nogla came home. And like usual, that's what they had been doing. The second they heard the doorbell however, they suspected Nogla to be back home.

However, Nogla never rings the doorbell. He likes to slam his body against the door and pound like a cop when he's drunk.

And knowing that Marcel had gone to the kitchen to get a snack, they expected him to answer the door, thinking maybe it was someone else. Like a neighbor or something.

But he took a while and didn't come to tell them who it was, so they rushed out of the room.

Only now, to be greeted with an irritated looking Marcel and some random man caressing Nogla's unconscious body.

"Uh... who's this?" Jon asked, finally finding the words.

Marcel opened his mouth to speak, but instead, gestured for Alex to introduce himself.

If he wanted to act all dandy, he was gonna need to pull it off in front of the others.

Alex seemed hesitant, looking as if he wanted no part of this. Like he wanted to go back to his car and drive back home like a dog with it's tail between his legs.

Instead, he chose the risky route, and introduced himself.

"Uh, I'm Alex. David's boyfriend." He said. His tone laced with honey and sweetness. Yet, the guys were all voice actors. They knew when someone was putting on a show or not. Jon wasn't a voice actor, but he's seen and heard enough times to know as well.

The way Alex said the word 'boyfriend', had an underlined statement. The tone he used for the word was much different from the rest. Smug, cocky, dominant, possesive.

He wanted the guys to know Nogla belongs to him and him only.

Brian didn't like that. Not one bit.

"What did ye two do tonight? Seemed like ya had fun, eh?" He asked all friendly like, casually moving over to the other couch and giving this Alex guy a big grin.

Nogla's boyfriend seemed to relax a bit at the faked welcoming, putting his guard down.

Marcel seemed hostile but at least this guy was chill, he thought.

"Yeah, we did. David really loves his alcohol though. We had to come home early." He chuckled, resting his hand on his boyfriend's upper thigh.

Early? It's almost midnight...

Brian's eyes snapped to the action, slightly startling Alex. He awkwardly dragged his hand back, getting the impression that he wasn't wanted here.

He wasn't.

"Alcohol? What did he have to get him so hammered?" Evan played along with Brian's little bit, moving to lean against the back of the couch behind Alex, purposely flexing his muscles to seem more intimidating.

It worked.

"U-uh, y'know. You guys know David. Beer, tequila, the usual." Alex stuttered, trying his hardest to keep up his act.

That wasn't right. Nogla hated tequila. It burned his throat. Even a single shot would make him gag in distaste.

"Damn, he must've drunken a lot to pass out like this." Tyler chimes in, leaning over the couch to brush Nogla's hair from his face.

He smirked as Alex made a certain face. Like he wanted to object, but knew he couldn't. He was out numbered.

Instead, he let out a pleasant sigh and nodding in agreement.

He then leaned down and kissed Nogla on the lips, making Tyler immediately draw his hand back.

He smirked. He fucking smirked. The guys couldn't hate this guy any more than they do right now.

"Anyways, is it okay if I crash here for tonight? David wanted me to stay tonight and meet you guys, but I'm hella tired." Alex said, already taking his shoes off.

That was also wrong. Nogla said he didn't want the guys to meet Alex any time soon, and now all of a sudden he wants the guy to stay over?

That would've eventually led to an introduction between them all, and that's exactly what Nogla didn't want.

Yet here Alex is, already taking his shirt off and laying down next to Nogla on the couch.

"Yeah. You can crash." Marcel muttered, keeping his eyes on the man as he walked over to the bar to grab his snacks.

The guys didn't really want Alex to stay, but it looked as if he was gonna stay anyway, so there no point in arguing.

Jon, who had been silent snapped his fingers and gathered the guys'attention. He gestured over to the bar and they quickly obliged. Moving away from Alex and Nogla to crowd around the bar.

"I hate this guy." Jon hissed, and he hadn't even spoken a word to him.

"Agreed." Brian growled, glaring daggers as he watched Alex place more kisses on Nogla's face from the corner of his eye.

When he got down to his neck, Brian had to visibly hold himself back from tearing the other man's mouth away from his friend.

The guys knew how much Nogla hated affection like that. Yeah he liked hugs, hand holding and small pecks—or at least from what he told them. But leaving hickeys on his neck?

He didn't mention liking that. Let alone receiving them when passed the fuck out.

The guys all glared in hatred, practically seething to themselves as they watched Alex slid his hands up Nogla's thighs and rest on his butt, the dress sliding up to his crotch from the movements.

Let's be real honest, the guys knew nothing of this guy. They had no real reason to hate him other than the fact that he's dating their oversensitive roommate.

But the facts that he was giving right to them, is what made them boil with anger.

One, he acts like he genuinely wanted to have conversation with the guys. Two, he seemed way too possesive over Nogla. Three, he asked if he could saty even as he was already getting himself comfortable. Four, he lied straight to their faces about Nogla loving beer and tequila. More than once! And five, he was groping Nogla in front of them like it was so casual!

While he was dead asleep!

It was clear to the guys why this guy likes Nogla so much. He wanted to get in his pants. And according to what Nogla told them earlier about how they hadn't had sex yet—and considering they've been dating two months—this guy wanted so desperately to have his way with Nogla.

"We can't just...leave them there...can we?" Marcel asked, angrily munching on his baby carrots. Evan let out a long, heavy sigh, shaking his head.

"We have no choice. If we do something rash, he'll definitely tell Nogla. I don't want him getting pissed at us for doing something stupid like killing his stupid boyfriend- Jon put the knife down." He whispered, snapping his eyes over to the other.

Jon grumbled, irritably shoving the knife back into it's holder on the counter.

They knew Evan was right. They couldn't sit here all night and supervise the two. They needed to seem fine with this. To seem like they felt like it was safe enough to leave Alex alone with Nogla.

They needed to keep their cool. They couldn't let their over protection show. Not only would they scare Alex off—even if that's exactly what they wanted—they would also make Nogla mad at them.

That's the last thing they wanted.

So instead, they headed upstairs and to their own separate rooms. Each one of them slamming their door harder then the first.

_

"Hey. Wake up. Food." Alex opened his eyes slowly, jolting awake as he was met face to face with Tyler.

Nogla had told Alex all about his roommates. He cherished them, and it annoyed the hell out of Alex, but at least he got to know more about the roommates.

He could know what he was getting into.

Tyler glared down at Alex, noticing that Nogla now had his shirt instead of the green dress. It was draped over the back of the couch. Leaving Nogla only in Alex's shirt.

Alex must have undressed Nogla last night.

Would Nogla have been okay with that? Probably not. Hell, and Tyler remembered that Nogla had lingerie on underneath.

Not to mention the three dark hickeys marking Nogla's neck and exposed collar bone.

God, he hated Alex. He really, really hated this Alex guy.

"Well ya gonna get up or keep staring like a dumbass? Wake him up too, he needs to eat." Tyler snapped, rolling his eyes before walking away as Alex flinched.

Nogla told him that Tyler was a sweet big softie. This was nothing like that.

"You get them up?" Jon asked, setting out an extra plate; sure that Alex was gonna want food too. He may or may not have spit in it as well...

"Yeah. Got the boyfriend up. I told him to wake Nogla up too." Tyler replied, plopping back down in his seat.

Annoyed. The guys could tell. Why?

They soon found out, as Alex walked in with a half asleep Nogla... wearing Alex's shirt, sporting three hickeys.

"Perverted bastard." Brian spat, quickly looking to his phone before Alex thought he was speaking to him.

"What? Someone outted as another pedophile or something?" The latter chuckled humorously.

That wasn't funny.

"Something..." Brian muttered, clicking his phone off before slamming it onto the table and shoving a bite into his mouth to stop himself from speaking further.

Alex froze, raising his brows in surprise.

Nogla said that Brian was charming and usually calm, loving dark humor. But he didn't seem to enjoy that one.

He carefully seated himself in one of the chairs. Instead of putting Nogla in his own seat, he sat him in his lap and pulled his plate over.

The guys watched in silence as he poked at Nogla's eggs, breaking off a small piece before raising the fork to his pink lips.

"Open, baby." He muttered, the words sounding much too sexual for just food. Nogla hummed tiredly, blinking his eyes open as if there was something in his eye.

He only peeked his eyes open for a second, not taking in his position or the situation. All he saw was food in his face, and he willingly parted his lips to accept it.

Alex slipped the bite into Nogla's mouth, chuckling as Nogla hummed happily and tiredly.

The guys stared in disgust, watching as Alex fed Nogla like some type of...play thing. Each bite he took, a new flash of desire took hold of Alex's expression and his friendly facade dropped to something much sinister.

Something disgusting and creepy.

"He's not a dog." Marcel muttered, hoping it wasn't heard, but it was.

Alex visibly hesitated with the next bite he moved to Nogla's lips, only halting for a second before continuing like he hadn't heard the words.

Nogla said Marcel was kind and friendly. His expression didn't look very much like that.

"Nogla, do you remember anything last night?" Jon suddenly asked, catching Alex off guard.

Of course, Nogla would've surely forgotten anything. But if he was woken up enough to a functional mindset and was asked enough questions, the memories would come back in a flash.

Alex didn't want that. Because then the guys would ask the same questions they asked him last night, and they'd surely find out he was lying about Nogla willingly drinking.

They would find out that Alex spiked Nogla's drinks to make him vulnerable.

"Here. Have some coffee to wake yourself up." Jon continued, setting a large cup in front of the two. Alex silently inhaled at that.

If Nogla drank the coffee and woke up more, he'd be able to awnser questions. Alex had to drink it before Nogla could.

"Oh, than—"

"Not for you. We'll give ya a free meal and place to sleep, but if you want coffee, you pay." Jon cut Alex off, smacking his hand away from the cup. He could care less if Alex found him rude or not.

Nogla said that Jon was funny and selfless. This... didn't seem very selfless.

Nogla's hands reached down on instinct and he grabbed the warm cup. Alex inhaled again as Nogla took a tiny sip, his eyes immediately opening a crack as he felt the steam hit his face.

He was waking up.

"Morning dude. Rough night?" Evan asked, seemingly coming out of nowhere behind Alex and rubbing Nogla's shoulder softly.

The Irishman could only hum in response, frowning slightly. He felt hungover, but he didn't remember drinking...

"Rough? Rough..." Nogla muttered, trying to piece together why he was so tired. He felt like he ran a whole marathon.

"You and your boyfriend here had fun, huh?" Evan laughed, smacking Alex's back. Hard.

He jumped at the pain, bouncing Nogla in his lap and waking him up fully as coffee spilled onto his hands.

"Fuck!" He yelped, immediately standing up and flicking his wrists to rid of the sweet heat. He then froze, looking down to notice his dress was gone.

He glanced over to Alex in question, but the other was too busy wiping coffee droplets off his chest.

"Heh, pussy." Evan teased Alex, a hint of smugness behind the playful teasing.

Nogla said that Evan was soft and considerate. That wasn't very considerate.

"You okay, Daithi?" Brian asked, moving over to grab Nogla red hands. A hint of jealousy sparked in Alex. He couldn't help the glare he sent Brian's way.

"Yeah...I'm...really confused." Nogla blinked, staring down at his state again. How had he gotten into Alex's shirt? How did he get out of his dress? Hell, how the fuck did he get home?!

"Confused about? Do ye remember anything? Try thinking harder." Brian muttered, eyes snapping up to Alex as he said the words slowly and deeply.

Shit.

"Ah, I'll catch him up on what happened last night. I gotta get him showered and cleaned up." Alex chuckled nervously, grabbing a hold of Nogla's hands and dragging him away to find his room.

"How did ye get here?" Nogla questioned, still a bit sleepy.

"Baby, I'll tell you I'm a sec. First I need you to show me to your room." Alex laughed with a hint of worry in his voice.

The guys all watched as Alex took Nogla out of the room, hearing their quiet chattering fade as they heard footsteps on the stars.

"Hell. He didn't even eat the food I spit in." Jon hissed, after some time in silence, sighing in frustration as he took a large gulp of coffee.

The painful heat down his throat would probably be the only thing to stop him from grabbing another kitchen knife and finding his way over to Alex's gut with it.

"I really, really don't like him. At. All." Tyler mumbled, grumpily eating his food as the others hummed or nodded in agreement.

_

Three weeks. This has been going on for three weeks.

Nogla would go on a date with Alex. Leaving in feminine clothes and looking absolutely adorable in each one. He'd be back home late. Either unconscious or on the brink of passing out while being held up by his boyfriend. Alex would have a 'friendly' chat with the guys, stay over and then in the morning, it would be just as awkward as before.

The guys would shoot hints that they didn't like Alex, but the fucker just kept on coming.

The endless cycle was starting to get really annoying.

Not only that, but it seemed as if Alex was trying to keep Nogla away from the guys. He would call him on dates more often, ask to spend some time with him or just stop by at the house unannounced to see Nogla.

The guys could see that that Alex was getting used to this and they did not like it one bit.

Nogla seemed happy however. Alex always has work—or so he says—so he was happy to just spend time with the other.

Eventually, it seemed as if Nogla had no time for the guys. He stopped recording with them often, he stopped making them food—as he was too occupied hanging out with his boyfriend—and he even stopped showing back up to the house.

The majority of his time was consumed by Alex and the guys felt weak. Like Alex was winning and they hated it.

They felt... jealous.

They had always known Nogla was their weak link. One, because he was an oversensitive cinnamon roll that loved and trusted everyone. Welcoming them with open arms.

And two, because the guys revolved their world's around keeping him safe. If Nogla was in the wrong hands, they'd drop everything in their lives to keep an eye on the Irishman.

And that's what was happening now. All attention was focused on Nogla.

They tried everything. Asking him in to play rounds of Call of Duty with them, they tried offering to make cookies with him—which he used to ask them all the time since he liked to bake with them—and they even tried to guilt trip him—much to their own self guilt for doing so.

They cared for Nogla, and seeing him drift away like this was eternally frustrating! Especially since he was running off to a guy like Alex!

The guys hadn't commented on how much they hate Alex. In fact, they tried to hide it the best that they could—though they kinda did suck at that.

Nogla hated when the ones he loved fought, unless it was all in good fun. So the guys knew not to complain about Alex. They waited till Nogla was asleep of gone to do all that.

All of this running around in concern and cursing under their breath was getting tiring. But on the fourth week, the guys would soon realize that all of this would come to an end.

They sat on the couch all grumpy like. Being too stuck in their own despair to care about what was happening on the stupid Discovery channel.

It was the sound of the front door slamming open that caught their attention. Nogla stormed in with a glare of hatred on his face, quickly turning on his heel and facing the street where Alex's signature car sat.

"Fuck you!" Nogla shouted, the genuine anger in his tone catching the guys off guard.

"No, fuck you!" Alex shouted back, sticking his head out of the sun roof of his car.

"Don't you dare give me that large cow eyed 'oh shucks, really?' look of yours! I saw the way you were staring at that girl, you so wanted to fuck her!" He continued, slamming his hands down on the red paint job on his roof.

"Excuse me, what?!" Nogla scoffed, not understanding anything the other had just said.

Yeah, he knew why they were fighting and yeah, he still didn't understand. They had gone out on another date and it was all going so well.

Nogla saw a women that looked like his sister, so he was staring from afar, trying to see if it really was her or not without needing to confront her.

However, Alex had read the situation wrong when he caught Nogla. He started to yell and curse over dramatically. Nogla hadn't understood a word he was saying—due to how drunk Alex had gotten—as his words were slurred.

The two were kicked out of the restaurant and Nogla had to physically force Alex to drive him back home.

"You heard me, bitch!" The latter shouted, the venom in his voice slurred. The guys so badly wanted to step in, but before any of them could, Nogla was shouting back his own retorts.

"I'm fuckin' gay, dipshit! And if we're just saying random shit, dirty shoebox, moon-pie, bandaid!" He hissed.

Oh how the guys loved the sass and sarcasm in his voice. He does learn it from them.

Alex scoffed in offense, slamming his hands down on the roof for his car again. It was clear to see how drunk he was. How he drove here safely, it was a true mystery.

"You know what I mean! You're just a little man that says anything and everything that everyone wants to hear, but I know what goes on in that little pretty puppet head of yours. You want pussy! That's why you won't have sex with me!" Alex squawks, sounding sure that he knew all the answers to their relationship.

"Ye don't know what goes on in my little puppet head, because you can't even think of a world, t'at doesn't revolve around te thought of getting your tiny dick tip sucked!" Nogla yelled. And with a few more profanities thrown out the door, Nogla slammed it shut.

He stood there in silence, breathing heavily as he stared at the wood of the door.

He turned around, facing the guys with a blank expression.

This was his fault, wasn't it? He had refused sex with Alex many, many times just like tonight when he should've been saying yes. Sex was a very intimate thing to him, and he would have rather done it with Alex when the time felt right.

But now that he thought about it, he should have just gave in. Things would have been easier that way...

Oh, who is he kidding? Ale was—is, a douchebag. He doesn't deserve someone like Nogla. He gave Alex the world and all he got in return was a few pretty gifts and endless dates that he—for some reason, can't really remember up until the point where they started to drink.

Nogla was stupid. He should've seen the red flags the second Alex moved on from his last relationship so quickly. He should've seen the signs when Alex groped him in all the most inappropriate places. He should've seen the obvious lies that Alex was making up, instead of him just brushing them off.

Stupid Alex...stupid me, Nogla thought.

He felt his anger die down, washing over with a much heavier feeling.

Self pity.

He felt his lips tremble, and all it took was a single tear to roll down his face before the guys were rushing over and comforting him.

"Stupid fuckin' Alex and his stupid fuckin' face- I wanna kill him." Nogla growled, face flushing as more tears ran down his cheeks.

"Woah, woah, calm down okay? We all do just- just sit down for a second." Evan reassured, bringing Nogla over to the couch to sit him down.

Small hiccups and sniffles left him as he gripped the edge of the couch, his knuckles turning white.

"He's so stupid. I should've known he was an asshole the second he started touching up on me." Nogla continued, sounding as if he was talking to himself.

"And his dumb, smug attitude is annoyin' as hell...why did I even date him?!" He cried, comforting hands running down his back.

"Shhh, Nogla breath. You're gonna be alright." Brian said, rubbing circles with his hands now.

"Cause I was stupid enough to like someone like him? Yeah, that's why. Because I'm a fucking idiot ta think he would ever love me back... That anyone would ever love me back." Nogla kept going, completely ignoring the words being said to him.

"What, no! You're not stupid, he's stupid for throwing away someone like you." Jon hissed, pissed off that Alex had Nogla thinking like his.

"He never...he never even said 'i love you' back ta me..." Nogla whimpers softly, all anger now washed away as he stared down at his hands.

All he felt now was sadness. He felt like a complete and utter failure.

"No wonder his girlfriend broke up wit' 'em. I should've listened ta her..." He mumbled, more tears staining his face.

The guys exchanged glances of concern, not knowing what to do.

They were never really good at consoling someone, let alone cheering up a crying friend. That department wasn't really their best suit.

"Was I...was I te problem? Did I do something wrong? Was I not enough- I felt like I was givin' enough."  Nogla suddenly said, eyes slightly widening like he found the problem to his situation.

The guys were taken aback at that, shocked.

"The fuck? No! Why would you even think that, of course you're enough. Alex is just a stupid prick that thinks the world revolves around him an—"

"I should've let 'em fuck me..."

The room went quiet after Nogla cut Tyler's rant off, all sitting in complete silence.

What could they do? what could they say? It seemed as if anything they tried, Nogla wasn't listening. He was stuck in his own self hatred that he didn't even care what they had to offer.

Nogla hated himself for ever liking Alex, and there was nothing the guys do do to change that.

Nogla cried openly, acting as if the guys weren't even there. He hadn't even acknowledged them despite him knowing they were clearly in front of him. Clearly trying to talk to him. But he couldn't find himself to care about their presence.

All he could think about, is how much time he wasted with a dipshit of a boyfriend who didn't even care for him.

The guys pondered quietly, trying to think of something to help their friend. He was hurting because of Alex and there wasn't much they could think of to help him.

Evan did however have an idea. It could get him, slapped, punched, socked, yelled at, cursed at or even ruin his friendship with Nogla. But he had no other ideas. He was fresh out them.

He felt his face flush with color, licking his lips as he shuffled off of the couch to sit on the floor in front of Nogla.

The guys all eyed him suspiciously, confused on what he was planning to do.

Evan ignored their stares, looking up at Nogla.

The man still had tears running down his face, mumbling profanities to himself like 'stupid', 'dipshit', 'asshole', 'bitch', and so on.

Wether they were directed to himself or for Alex, Evan couldn't tell. But what he did know, was that he wanted Nogla to stop.

He reached his hands up and cradled the man's face. It certainly earned Nogla's gaze, but he didn't stop the curses under his breath.

Evan wiped the tears from his eyes, pursing his lips in hesitation before leaning forward and pressing them to Nogla's mouth.

The Irishman froze. Eyes widening and his cursing forced to a halt.

The guys stared in shock, not having expected that. Yeah, maybe a kiss on the cheek or nose or even for Evan to lean his forehead against Nogla's. But not a full on kiss.

Nogla didn't know how to feel. On one hand, he wanted to push Evan away and ask him what the fuck he was doing. But on the other hand...the kiss felt nice.

It was different compared to how Alex kissed him. More gentle and caring. Emotional.

Alex kissed with lust, Evan kissed with love.

The difference was obvious, and Nogla found himself melting into it.

His lips moved in sync with Evan's, the two pulling eachother in close. Evan's hands moved to Nogla's jaw and Nogla's hands moved to Evan's hair.

The guys sat in... confusion? Shock? Surprise?...Jealousy?

A lot was going through their heads right now, and they couldn't seem to take their eyes away from the two. They wanted to punch Evan—especially Brian—but they also wanted to thank him for distracting Nogla.

Evan pulled back slowly, refusing to smile when Nogla tried to chase his lips. Seeking the warm feeling of true affection.

"Nogla, stop it. Anything and everything that Alex did to you or said to you, is not your fault. You're not stupid, you're not dumb and you are enough." Evan scolded, making sure Nogla was staring right into his eyes when speaking.

"We love you, and nothing is stoping us from doing that. Not you, not Alex. You're perfect." He spoked softly, yet firmly. Making sure Nogla understood him clearly.

And he did. When looking down at Evan, he knew it was nothing but the truth.

The guys loved him, and not even his own stupidity could prevent that.

"Re-really?" He managed to get out. Brian hummed in agreement, ignoring the urge to kick Evan in the face for kissing Nogla, to wrap his arms around the other Irishman.

"Really. Trust us when we say that ye don't need him. And ye're not stupid fer liking him. Love is tricky and it makes us do stupid things and say stupid things. But it doesn't make you stupid." He said.

"For once." Tyler muttered jokingly. The guys all laughed when Nogla playfully shoved him, a pretty smile gracing his lips.

"No, but seriously. Alex was a lost cause the second we met him. If he didn't break up with you sooner, I probably would've killed him." Jon said, earning a few laughs from the guys.

"I'm being dead serious." He deadpanned.

Silence.

"Wait, lost cause the se-...did ye guys not like him when ye met?" Nogla asked, thinking into Jon's words.

"Uh...well, we didn't hate hi- okay, yeah. We absolutely hate the living fuck out of him." Marcel admitted, sighing as he felt a weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

He's been dying to say that straight to Nogla's face.

"How come?" Nogla asked, now curious.

"Because he's a douchebag." Evan.

"Because he's a pathetic lier." Marcel.

"Because he touched ye funny." Brian.

"Because he came off as possesive." Jon.

"I just thought he looked ugly." Tyler admitted.

Nogla laughed at the last one, finding it hilarious that Tyler didn't like someone based off of what they looked like.

He would be the type of person to do that.

"I love ye guys." Nogla laughed, resting his side against Brian.

The guys felt a warm feeling seeping into their chests at those words. What was it?

Platonic love? Family love? Brotherly love?

Love love?

It fell silent after the laughs died down. Everyone just trying to figure out what this heavy feeling they had and what it meant.

"Uhm..." Nogla suddenly said, averting his gaze as he flushed a deep red.

"Yeah?" Evan asked, moving his hands from Nogla's face to his hands instead.

"Uh...can ye..." He mumbled, face growing redder by the second. Jon raised a brow, humming in acknowledgement for Nogla to continue.

The guys didn't rush him. Waiting for him to speak.

"Can- can ye kiss me again? It felt nice..."

The room fell silent again.

Evan felt a smirk slowly spread to his face, his eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Oh, did you now?" He asked teasingly. Nogla snapped his eyes to meet Evan's, seeing the smug look on his face.

"Ah- y'know what? Nevermind. T'at was a stupid question." He muttered with an embarrassed look. He ripped his hand away from Evan's and as he was about to turn to bolt up to his room, Marcel caught his face with his hands and pulled Nogla into a kiss.

He jolted in surprise. Then he blinked. He blinked again. Then he was fluttering his eyes shut and falling into the comforting feeling of the kiss.

A kiss that held so many emotions but only one stood out.

"I love ye guys." Nogla whispered once they pulled back, his eyes pointed down as he was too embarrassed to make eye contact.

"We fucking love ya too." Jon chuckled, pulling Nogla away from Marcel's hold and into his lap. Nogla felt a wave of adoration crash over him.

Alex never said those words...never.

"Oh shit, why is he crying again? Jon what did ye do?" Brian asked, his tone stern.

"What?! I didn't do shit!" He shot back, hurriedly wiping the tears from Nogla's face. The Irishman giggled at their bickering, shaking his head at them.

"N-no, it's not ye guys. 'M just happy, I'm happy." He reassured, getting comfortable on Jon's lap and leaning into an embrace.

"I'm happy." He repeated, smiling as he nuzzled into Jon's neck. The American sighed in relief, wrapping his arm around Nogla's slim frame.

"Good. We're happy that you're happy." Tyler said.

And it was true. The smile on Nogla's flushed face was enough to make them break into their own smile.

"... y'know, I'm still gonna kill that Alex guy."

"Jon, I'm not bailing ye outta prison fer murder."

"If ya love me ya will."

"..."

"That wasn't a no."

"...fock off."

9366 words

__________________________________

A bit longer than I intended but here it is anyways!

I hope ya guys liked it and make sure to stay healthy my loves!

(⁠ ⁠˘⁠ ⁠³⁠˘⁠)

🍀💚🖤💚🍀

- Jacky       

         

_________________________________

Featured or mentioned characters:

Main -

Nogla - Nogla, Daithi, David

VanossGaming - Evan

H2ODelirious - Jon

BasicallyIDoWrk - Marcel

IAmWildcat - Tyler

Terroriser - Brian

[louisiananeedsme]

The Alexandria Times #1 (ARCHIVED)

The Louisiana Times Games: WORDLE CONNECTIONS

Those Ocean Leafy Eyes: 

“I actually had the chance to have green eyes” says writer Alexander on their evergrowing tangent about them having had the chance to have green/coloured eyes many generations ago. “So— actually, my grandfather from my mother’s side— may he rest in peace— actually had green eyes, but my grandmother had brown eyes” as genetics do, their grandmother’s powerful eyes paved the way for their children’s features. And… yes, they might’ve gotten their hopes up—according to our sources (my mum)— by expecting at least ONE of their children to have green eyes, that dream slowly stayed as it was, a dream. 

“But, at least my mother had hazel eyes, those are pretty, but nope. ” as a remark to their father’s black hair and eyes.

“i think if i did have either green or hazel eyes, i would’ve been fucking unstoppable”

“On another note, i actually could’ve also got blue eyes as well, as some of my cousins do'' while this may seem unrelated, keep in mind the fact that my uncle married his cousin —(disgusting i know please do not comment my parents aren’t like that so don’t you worry)— so somewhere along the way, they could’ve got blue eyes, but again as genetics do, the stronger and darker ones always take the lead. What you should take away from this is to never marry a person for the colour of their eyes because u will be astoundingly disappointed. 

BREAKING NEWS: 

What is highlighted in Pink is commentary from my dear friend sofia from when i sent her this article months ago.

According to our sources, rates of teenagers crushing and falling for men whose ages range from (20-60) have increased tremendously, A lot were known from theirpreviously successful roles and still remain relevant such as: Christian Bale, (need him) Known for American Psycho (2000)

and Hayden Christensen, Known For Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)& Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005), However, he has made a recent comeback with his role as ‘Anakin Skywalker’ in the new Ahsoka (2023) series. 

Fans went ballistic over the man, partly because of the “Barbenheimer’ craze, and mostly because he has cheekbones higher than most crackheads. (Need him too)

Teenagers online make sexual remarks towards these men such as but no limited to: 

“I’d take his little boy (not the bomb)”

In reference to the name of one of Oppenheimer's bombs. 

“I’d let him Ultraviolence me”

Referring to singer, Lana Del Rey’s Studio album, Ultraviolence

“Also, his hands are so nice, i want him to ###### ## until i ### so #### i #### #### ## ###### have been ############### ####### into ##### ### ######”

As a remark towards one of the aforementioned actors.

It’s Nice To Remember:

Things that happened today, January 31st throughout the course of history: 

The United Kingdom formally left the European Union, more than three years after the country voted for “Brexit.” (FUCK THEM BRITS I HATE THOSE LAZY FUCKERS) (2020)

American singer and actor Justin Timberlake, who was a member of the hugely successful “boy band” *NSYNC, before launching a solo career, was born in Memphis, Tennessee. (1981)

The American film drama The Misfits, which was directed by John Huston, had its world premiere. (1961)

Austrian composer Franz Schubert was born near Vienna. (1797)

Today is National Hedgehogs day.

Don’t forget to congratulate your hedgehogs.

Guess The Lyric: 

M__t__l_, p_ys__al__ w__k. _os_ b___ b__wing u_ my ph_ne, __t th_y ju__ ain’t y_u. (Louise (formally 'Alex') I do not have time to solve this)

Answer:-- . -. - .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / .--. .... -.-- ... .. -.-. .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / .-- . .- -.- / -- --- ... - / -... --- -.-- ... / -... .-.. --- .-- .. -. --. / ..- .--. / -- -.-- / .--. .... --- -. . / -... ..- - / - .... . -.-- / .--- ..- ... - / .- .. -. .----. - / -.-- --- ..-

[denimbex1986]

'Fans of Danny Boyle's cult British zombie-horror and its sequel have been patient for decades, and recent 28 Years Later news might mean the wait won't be much longer. Following 2002's 28 Days Later and 2007's 28 Weeks Later, there has been the hope that the trilogy of the zombie movies will be completed with the predictable third movie being 28 Months Later. After over a decade of the franchise being dormant, it seemed to many that it was too late for the third movie. However, now comes to revelation that the presumed timeline may have been mistaken, and it is actually the perfect time for 28 Years Later to finally come to fruition.

There's a reason 28 Years Later is a title many are eagerly anticipating despite the zombie-mania of the late 00's and early 2010's having simmered significantly since 28 Weeks Later released. 28 Days Later completely changed the zombie genre when it was released, popularizing the use of "fast zombies" and showing that this type of horror movie that had gone out of style still had the possibility to do something new. Directed by Oscar-winner Danny Boyle, it starred Cillian Murphy as a man who wakes from a coma to find the world in chaos as a virus turns people into rage-filled killers.

28 Years Later: Latest News

The latest 28 Years Later news will get plenty of fans of 28 Days Later and its sequel, excited as there is real movement behind the scenes on what will be the third movement in the trilogy. Three key members of the original have been actively discussing the development of the 28 Days Later sequel, and all seem eager to make it happen. Screenwriter Alex Garland first admitted that, after being unhappy with 28 Weeks Later, he decided he'd rather focus on new stories. However, he explains "a few years ago an idea materialized in my head for what would be really 28 Years Later."

28 Days Later director Danny Boyle went on to explain that this new idea got them interested in pursuing the story, and he reveals "we're talking about it quite seriously, quite diligently." He also revealed that, while he is helping to develop the story, he is waiting to see if Garland wants to direct it himself. Garland has proven himself as a sci-fi director with Ex Machina and Annihilation and could certainly do a great job with the latest 28 Days Later sequel.

Along with Garland and Boyle, Cillian Murphy also spoke about his excitement to return to the franchise as it seems to be approaching an appropriate time. He reveals that "I was talking to Danny Boyle recently, and I said, 'Danny, we shot the movie at the end of 2000.' So I think we're definitely approaching the 28 Years Later." Murphy got his big break with 28 Days Later and has since become a star with roles in Peaky Blinders, The Dark Knight trilogy, and Oppenheimer. But Murphy says that if Garland and Boyle are ready to return then he is as well.

28 Years Later Is Not Confirmed

Despite the interest from some key parties, 28 Years Later is not confirmed — at least not yet. The studio has yet to officially announce the project and Danny Boyle revealed that the 28 Days Later sequel is still in its early stages of discussion. However, if the original director, writer and star can all agree on a story worth telling, it seems likely the studio would quickly get behind the project. If taking the title literally, the 28 Years Later release date would not be until 2030, but if there is active discussion on the movie now, they are likely willing to skew the timeline slightly and release it sooner.

28 Years Later: Cast

No office 28 Years Later cast has been announced, but it seems as though the 28 Days Later sequel would feature Cillian Murphy returning to the franchise after not appearing in 28 Weeks Later. The first movie ended with the survivors seemingly rescued after the quarantine order worked and the infected were starved off. However, there is some question as to what happened to Murphy's Jim after 28 Days Later as the sequel sees the virus break out again.

Murphy could also be joined by the two other surviving cast members from the first movie, Naomie Harris as Selena and Megan Burns as Hannah. Like Murphy, Harris found a breakout role with 28 Days Later which launched her successful career, leading her to play Moneypenny in the Daniel Craig James Bond movies and earn an Oscar nomination for her performance in Moonlight. Meanwhile, Burns has not acted since 28 Days Later and began a singing career.

It is also possible that 28 Years Later could include characters from 28 Weeks Later. Among the surviving cast members of the second movie as Imogen Poots as Tammy, Mackintosh Muggleton as Andy, and Harold Perrineau as Flynn. Their fates are left ambiguous at the end of 28 Weeks Later but there is the possibility they all survived and could return.

28 Years Later: Story Details

There have been no 28 Year Later story details yet, but the title suggests the movie will take a big leap in time to explore the impact of the virus outbreak. Though there was initially a script for 28 Months Later (via Variety), it does seem like Alex Garland and Danny Boyle are taking a new approach and focusing on 28 Years Later. While the ending of 28 Days Later gave an optimistic conclusion that suggested the infected were no more, the virus returned in the sequel which saw the contained civilization crumble and London returned to chaos.

28 Weeks Later ended on a much darker note with the survivors escaping to Paris, only to find it overrun with infected. It is safe to assume the third movie will deal with the 28 Days Later virus once again, but it remains to be seen if the world has been in shambles since the end of the second movie or if it will once again be a scenario of life back to normal only for the virus to return in 28 Years Later.'

[creativeashproductions]

Back to the 118 // Evan Buckley

IN WHICH: Buck meets the firefighter he replaced as the reader transfers back to the 118. The reader never expected to fall for a co-worker the first day back at the 118 after two years spent at the 155 in Los Feliz.

Warnings: Swearing, sickness, hospitals, health issues, pregnancy, angst and a shit ton of fluff

Words: 5.9k

A/N: So this is obviously a modern au for jatp to fit in the 911 universe. To make this work, Buck replaced Reader instead of Tommy after many failed probies. Eddie then later replaced Tommy.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

Your e/c eyes scanned the outward appearance of the first firehouse you’d worked at fresh out of the Academy. The place that had become a second home from the increased tension-filled house your parents still lived in. A place you had escaped as quickly as you could for a dream career. A career your parents hadn’t been proud of in the beginning, with the danger that came with being a firefighter paramedic.

“You the new recruit?”

Your eyes fell from the building to the male individual standing near the open bay the engine and ladder truck both used. The male in question must have joined the 118 after you transferred to the 155. The stranger towered at least six feet minimum with blue eyes and short blonde hair with the slightest wave.

“No-”

“Flint!” The excited voice of the only other female paramedic called out. You only saw dark navy before you were pretty much tackled.

Hen and Chimney had equally taken you under their wings when you initially joined as a rookie. You’d been the second female firefighter-paramedic at the 118 and the youngest by far. As if you’d summoned him, you felt the arms of Chimney sandwich you against Hen.

“Flint?” The stranger parroted, blinking his eyes at the rather unusual scene of Chimney and Hen wrapped around an unknown girl.

“What are you doing here?” Chimney questioned, stepping back. Hen scoured your entire form for any differences that had occurred.

“Y/N decided to come home,” Bobby spoke from a few feet behind the reunion with the beaming smile on his features. His lips pulled into a smile directed at the first recruit he’d taken on his first year at the 118.

“Bobby!” You grinned, meeting the father figure in the middle of the distance between you two. Bobby wrapped you up in his arms tightly, a certain lightness cocooning the Captain as he took in his friends.

“You’re back here?”

“Everything is squared back at home now, thankfully, and while I loved working with the 155, it wasn’t home. This will always be home.”

“Buck, this is Y/N Patterson. She worked her first two years with the 118 before transferring to the 155 in Los Feliz. Y/N, this is one of our newest members, Evan Buckley.” Bobby gestured towards the previously nameless firefighter.

“Who would leave the 118?” Buck questioned, unable to come up with a valid reason to leave the family at 118.

Buck’s opinion didn’t stand with his only workplace after successfully becoming a firefighter solely was the 118. Never had he worked in another firehouse. He’d been a fire marshall and volunteered his time in the Austin wildfire, but he always came home to the 118.

“Family issues.”

2018, Firehouse 118, Los Angeles

A fresh-faced, albeit dirty from sweat and soot, jumped down from the engine truck’s high steps. The synchronized slam of doors sounded from your colleagues and friends Hen and Chimney. All three individuals famished for the casserole Bobby had premade during the slow morning.

“Baked Mac n’ Cheese.” Tommy breathed from his position by the driver side. Tommy Kinard was a stoic man towering over six feet. He was always a gentle giant after you’d bonded after a hard call.

“Clean up, and I’ll have it in the oven. It’s Chimney’s time to make the salad and Flint’s turn to set the table.” Bobby spoke with barely a glance to the ground ahead of him. 

Your Captain jogged towards the stairs, whereas his team made their way to the locker rooms for a well-deserved shower. You and Hen split away from Tommy and Chimney to the women’s locker room that had gotten an upgrade.

Well, before you joined the Academy, the locker room had been used as a glorified game room, all thanks to the misogynist Captain from hell. Hen often had over the years mentioned how lucky you got with Bobby being your first Captain.

“Chimney better not put those onions like he did last time.” You spoke from under the stream of warm water. Nothing beat the warmth of a shower near the end of your shift erasing the evidence of your job.

“Man needs to learn the complimentary salad to the main dish.” Hen piped up from across the shower room.

You and Hen had both showered and redressed in a fresh uniform in under five minutes, the dirty one placed in a laundry bag. You’d managed to beat the boys to the upstairs by a few seconds. Enough to set half of the able before Chimney began to making his salad of choice.

“Looks great, Cap.” Tommy complimented the gooey homemade pasta Bobby religious made every third Thursday. He alternated between pasta recipes with the odd new recipe every once in a while.

“What are you waiting for? The bell?” Bobby quipped to the unmoving bunch of hungry individuals. His words started the boisterous meal time preceding the end of shift.

“So, we’re halfway through dinner and Amber-” Your phone interrupted the disaster date Tommy had begun telling. He continued as soon as you waved him to go ahead while you took the call.

“Hello?” You breathed into the phone.

“Hi, sweetheart.” The warmth infused in your mom’s voice soothed the ruffled feathers from the call you’d come back from, “How are you?”

“I’m good! We just finished eating. My shift is almost over, and I’ll have to go straight to the store for groceries-”

“Y/N, we found him.”

The him was easy to figure out given your brother had run away from home three months prior with only his dreams in mind. You’d spent most of your off time, sometimes even during shift out on a call, to scan the environment for Luke. You became a regular in questioning hospitals and homeless shelters.

“Where was he?”

“His band had been about to play at some big venue last night.” Mom’s word choice concerned you. Her voice dripped with sadness instead of the typical disappointment and annoyance on anything to do with Sunset Curve.

“Mom, what’s going on?”

“A few nights ago, the boys got hotdogs-”

“Streetdogs.” You interrupted with evident anger in your tone at the mention of those death dogs Luke consumed. You can’t even give a number to how many times you had told him how unsanitary and dangerous the food is.

“Something was wrong with the food. They got ill fast. Alex and Reggie are being kept for observation but will be found with a few days of rest.”

“What about Luke?”

“He tried to call 911; he was weak and fell. Y/N, he hit his head. He’s in the ICU in a coma.” Emily Patterson’s voice cracked as soon as she acknowledged the current state of her youngest child.

The colours of the world dulled as soon as your mind clicked that Luke was in the hospital. Your little brother had put himself in danger all because he had a big dream. Your mind flashed through your life growing up with him.

You remembered talking to your mom’s growing bump when she was pregnant with Luke. You remembered five-year-old Luke unable to settle unless you sang to him. Your voice was nothing special, but it soothed the little boy when he had a nightmare. You could vividly recall teaching Luke how to play the guitar when he was thirteen; the brunette a complete natural at it.

“What’s his prognosis?”

“Too early to tell. The doctor is hoping Luke will be in a general room after tomorrow if the swelling goes down. I wanted you to know as soon as possible.”

“How’s Dad?”

Emily hesitated from her position by a hospital bed. Her brown eyes carefully scanning the male sleeping soundly in the bed.

“Mom?”

“Your father had a heart attack last night. That’s why I haven’t been able to tell you sooner. He’s currently sleeping, but he’ll have a barrage of tests later today-”

“I’ll be there as soon as my shif-”

“No. Don’t drop anything. I can keep you up.”

“Excuse my language, but there’s no way in hell I’m staying away from my family. I’ll take a few days off. I’ll see you in a couple hours.” Your thumb tapped the red circle on the bottom of your screen.

The 118 didn’t bother pretending they hadn’t been watching your form during your phone call. Bobby felt like something had drastically changed in a few minutes you’d been busy on the phone.

“Everything okay?” Bobby inquired from his position at the kitchen sink. His hands in the sudsy water to scrub the empty pan.

“My brother and my father are in hospital. I’m gonna need some days off.” You informed your boss with a look of utter defeat coating your expression.

Those few days transitioned to transferring to the closest firehouse to your childhood home and the hospital. The medical bills from both your brother and father had begun to overwhelm your mother with the current single source of income. Emily didn’t ask you for anything, but you started renting the home you’d bought for extra money.

It was a silent agreement that you paid rent as a cover to helping with the bills piling up.

Present Day, Firehouse 118

Buck followed behind the welcoming group to the girl that seemed larger than life. Buck was impressed by the sacrifice you’d made for the good of your family. You’d willingly given up the family of the 118. Buck didn’t know if he could do the same.

“Welcome back.” Hen cheered on her guidance to the heaven everyone called the kitchen. Your department issue duffle bag dropped out of the wall on the top level.

Your eyes zeroed in on the spread of your favourite foods prepared by the only person aware of your return. It was only one look of gratitude towards the father figure before everyone dug in.

A few changes had occurred since you’d last sat at this table. Tommy Kinard had left the 118 for the 217 shortly after your departure. He’d been replaced by the ready to impress Buck. One thing that hadn’t changed was the delicious food Bobby made.

Your eyes found the sole empty chair at the long table, “Didn’t you say the house took on two new recruits since I left?”

“Buck took your position when you left. We had a revolving door of firefighters before Buck permanently joined.” Chimney supplied with a mouth full of lettuce and grated carrot. Hen whacked his arm for his lack of manners.

“You’ll meet Eddie on the next shift. He took the day off. It’s his son’s first birthday since his mom died.” Bobby informed you with that pinched wrinkle between his eyebrows, “He joined after Tommy left.”

“Well, I can’t wait to meet the entire team.” You replied, looking past to the circular table behind Bobby’s spot. Sam and Ryan both waved happily upon catching sight of you back at your unspoken seat.

You listened intently as Hen shared the changes Denny had gone through in the time you’d been away. Chimney was ecstatic to point out the faint scar on his forehead.

“You had rebar go through your skull, and you’re completely fine?” You questioned, floored by the pure luck Chimney had.

“Oh, it was nasty. Went in from the back of the skull to the front.” Buck spoke enthusiastically, recounting the scene. Chimney deadpanned a look at his younger coworker, “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s like you never had it happen.”

“Doc was shocked at how positive the outcome and healing was. I was back at work within a month on light duty. I beat my record getting in my turnout gear.” 

“And yet my little brother was comatose for two months.” You grumbled under your breath. None of the people could make out the words, but the grimace on your face was enough to show them it was personal.

In true 118 fashion, the bell rang throughout the firehouse with the disembodied voice declaring the type and location. Yoru e/c eyes found Buck climbing into the driver’s seat where Tommy had once commandeered. It was odd not having the man who’d became an older brother to you.

“How’re your parents?” Hen questioned, sitting diagonally from you. Her fingers repositioning the radio on her chest.

“Dad’s recovering pretty good. Mom’s started attending her knitting club again.” 

Buck’s eyes raised to the rearview mirror to meet yours in interest, “What happened?”

“Uh...my dad had a heart attack a couple years ago. He took a long time to recover with the further stress that caused it.” You piped up, understanding the news would come out at some point, “My little brother was in an accident that left him in a coma. Life was just as messy after he woke up.”

“He’s okay?” Chimney questioned, “I know we’ve never met them, but it really gutted you.”

“Well, physically, he’s fine, but emotionally he’s upset. He was in a band, and when he came out of the coma, he found out some devastating news.” You continued to explain, but unfortunately, or maybe, fortunately, you’d come to the scene.

It was a little known place most teenagers discovered as a hang out spot just on the edge between your county and the next. The location was the infamous spot of cliff jumping; you knew because this was something you’d recklessly done in high school.

“He’s over here!” A blonde male of average height called from the edge of the cliff. His blue eyes were bright even from this distance, matching the detailing on his swim trunks.

Surrounding the edge with the boy was a group of teenagers his age, all in different versions of swimsuits. You found the scared brown eyes of a beautiful girl you vaguely knew from the few shows of Sunset Curve you had watched. Her dark blonde hair plaited out of her face. Her face clicked as Carrie Wilson, Bobby’s sister or cousin.

You jogged towards the edge of the cliff to look over. It was easily between fifteen to twenty feet from the edge of the cliff to the water. You recognized Hen crouching by your side, looking at what you were looking at.

On the rocks was a prone body of a teenage male with bruises already forming on his face from where you could see. His thick shoulder-length hair laid still half in the ponytail and around his head.

“Head trauma.” You murmured to Hen, scanning from a distance, “I can’t tell much from this height and angle.”

“Either a broken tibia or fibula. Spinal injury is definitely a concern.”

“Okay, his name is Willie Young. He’s eighteen years old. His sister Kayla was dared to jump off by doing some kind of flip. Willie took her dare and didn’t jump far enough or tripped over a rock.” Bobby listed having been talking with the group of teenagers all shook up.

“I can rappel-” Buck began to speak before you cut him off firmly.

“It would take too long, and the angle is difficult. Nobody rappels down it; the cliff isn’t stable enough. It crumbles pretty easy, and the unofficial name of this cliff is Devil’s Dive.” Your eyes found Carrie’s tear-filled once and the utter devastation in who you pegged as Kayla.

“How do you know that?”

“Because I’ve jumped off this cliff for years as a teenager. You’re looking at the resident champion of self reckless endangerment at Devil’s Dive.” 

Hen, Chimney and Bobby each stared, shocked at your revelation of stupid teenager decisions.

“Then how are we gonna get down there,” Buck questioned, staring at the unconscious teenager lying on the rocks.

“Easy, I can jump from here into the water and climb onto the rocks to where Willie is. I have the experience of how and where to jump safely.” You spoke to your Captain with complete confidence in your abilities, “You can lower down the kit, radio and backboard by a rope. There’s a mansion beyond the trees that you can ask to borrow a boat from the owner. He’s eccentric and questionable but nice enough.”

Bobby nodded his head to your plan. You unbuttoned your uniform shirt to strip down to the department t-shirt with the emblem on your chest and across your back. You kept the boots and emptied your pockets of anything. The butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the height of the cliff you hadn’t jumped from in years.

“I’ll jump where-”

“Excuse me?” You scoffed at Buck’s assumption he could follow you.

“You’ll need another pair of hands to roll him on the backboard. I don’t have anyone waiting for me at home. This is kinda what I do. Bobby cleared it already.” Buck shrugged with a half-smirk on his handsome face.

With a roll of your eyes, you quickly gave Buck a rundown on how to jump correctly before you tossed yourself off the cliff. The cold water momentarily shocked your system as soon you submerged under the water. You swam to the surface before swimming towards the rocks. Willie hadn’t moved an inch.

“Whoa! That was so cool!” Buck cheered once he’d appeared on the surface of the water, “No wonder you used to do that!” 

His excitement both annoyed and amused you, “Eh. I was just an idiot kid who thought they were invincible.”

The two firefighters lifted themselves onto the rock formation, where blood stained the rock. While Buck retrieved the backboard and essentials from the rope, your hands moved across Willie’s body, checking for breaks. You caught the c-collar Buck tossed without looking. You quickly but gently put the collar on Willie.

“Hi, Willie. My name is Y/N, and I’m a paramedic. I’m gonna check you over for injuries.” You informed the teenager closely. You’d only just opened his eyes to flash a light on them, “Buck let Bobby know Willie’s pupils are reactive to light and the same size.”

“Got it!” Buck called out from the open medkit, “I’ll splint his leg.”

“W-what happened?” Willie wheezed sluggishly. His brown eyes were unfocused.

“You got hurt trying to jump off the cliff. You’re in good hands, Willie. I’m a paramedic with the Los Angeles Fire Department. This is my coworker Buck.”

“Kayla?”

“Perfectly safe, but you did give her a scare. Willie, can you feel this?” Buck questioned, gently touching his right foot. Buck and you both gave a sigh of relief as Willie confirmed he felt it.

 “Okay, we’re gonna roll you on to the backboard. On three: one, two, three.” You counted before rolling Willie on his side with Buck. Willie’s cry echoed around the surrounding as you settled him on the board.

“Need a ride?” Chimney asked as a very nice boat floated towards the three people on the rocks. Hen and Bobby helped load Willie onto the boat, “Mr. Covington agreed to let us use the boat if we don’t get blood on the seats.”

“Can you call my boyfriend?” Willie sluggishly asked when he was loaded into the ambulance on the cliff. Kayla sliding into the seat in the back of the ambulance with their items.

“Alex is meeting us at the hospital.” Kayla told her older brother, “You absolute idiot! You should have just let me jump!”

“And let you be in the back of the ambulance? Dad would kill me if I had let you do it.” Willie scoffed. Their conversation was silent as Chimney and Buck closed the back doors of the ambulance.

Bobby, Buck and you climbed into the fire truck to follow the ambulance to the closest hospital. Hen and Chimney rolled the gurney to the doors with Kayla hot on their heels. You’d just turned to head back to the truck when you saw three teens loitering near the entrance.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You grumbled, marching away from Bobby and Buck to the teen who was supposed to be in class.

Luke had been forced into private tutoring to catch up to his friends in his grades, meaning every afternoon. The watch on your wrist confirmed Luke was definitely supposed to be with his tutor at the community centre.

“Luke!” You shouted, stomping right up to the wide-eyed teen.

Luke’s Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat as his older intimidating sister caught him like his hand was in the cookie jar. You didn’t give Reggie or Alex a second look while you gripped Luke’s ear to tug him away.

“Ow!” Luke whined from the angle you dragged him at.

“What the hell are you doing across the city? You’re supposed to be in your session that our parents are paying a great deal for.” You snapped, crossing your arms in your wet t-shirt.

“We need every chance we can to-”

“Make it big in the industry.” You parroted the past discussions on Luke’s dream as a band, “Do you remember how I got mom and dad off your back? An agreement that you finish high school on time. Not dropping out.”

“So many musicians have dropped out! Green Day’s frontman dropped out his senior year to focus on the band. Several others like Elton John and Kurt Cobain!” Luke enthused, gesturing with his hand to emphasize his words.

“Luke.” You warned, “It’s either catch by with a tutor with some time dedicated to your band, or it’s a military school.”

Luke’s hazel eyes minimally widened, “They would-”

Your stoic expression stayed the same as the energetic seventeen-year-old bounced in his spot across from you. 

“There’s only so much I can do before you lose everything. I know you feel anxious after what all happened, but music isn’t going anywhere.” You reached to squeeze Luke’s hand in yours, “So, I’ll clear it with my boss to have you ride the bus to the station. You’ll have your tutor sessions with my supervision, so I know you’re attending.”

“Y/N!” Bobby called from next to the firetruck, “We gotta go.”

“I’m guessing the Alex that Willie is dating your best friend?” You questioned with one raised eyebrow. Luke nodded in response, “Let mom know you had to be there for Alex. She’ll let skipping your session go this once.”

“Thanks!” Luke chimed, lunging to hug you. Your mouth barely opened before he was racing towards a jittery Alex and a grinning Reggie.

Reggie lifted his arm to wave with his flushed cheeks a darker red colour. You found Reggie’s crush on you to be absolutely adorable. He was a friendly kid.

“He looks good for a kid who was in a coma not long ago.” Hen breathed as the teenager entered the ER with his best friends beside him.

“Oh, he healed quickly. He was crushed after he fully recovered from his head injury.”

“That was your brother?” Buck inquired, and he was just as focused on your features as he had since he first met you. 

“Yeah! He was in a coma for ten months when he was sixteen. He’s spent the last two years catching on on school to graduate with his friends. Well hopefully. He’s dead set on dropping out.” You heavily sighed, leaning your temple on the glass window, “He was supposed to be at a tutoring session. I’ll be chaperoning to make sure he goes.”

“If you need to have them at the station, send me a schedule, and I’ll make it work. Luke’s just as much family as you are.”

The rest of the shift was smooth sailing as Buck followed you around with the sole purpose of getting to know you. The friendship came naturally to the two of you. He didn’t hold back with you like he did with others. Fridays off became hangouts that varied from just Buck and you to spend it with Eddie and Christopher.

Everyone could see Buck had developed feelings for you and vice versa. Unlike the man Buck used to be, he was cautious. He wanted to do this right. And Buck did. With the help of Christopher, he asked you out.

Months Later

Buck’s eyes fluttered open in the dim lighting of your new home’s bedroom he often found himself in. Before, you had alternated staying at his apartment or yours before a significant change happened. Luke moved in to finish his senior year with the help of your tutoring, as agreed with your parents. That led to you giving up your former home, the one that coincidentally Buck’s sister Maddie had rented from you.

“Luke! You better be awake!” Your voice came from the main floor of the home. Your voice alone seduced the firefight to leave the warm sheets.

His bare feet pattered down the hardwood floor stairs into the kitchen coated in all different kinds of breakfast food. Waffles to imported maple syrup to bacon spread across the counter.

“Morning,” Buck grumbled, stepping up behind you to tug you against his chest.

Unlike Buck’s softer footsteps, your little brother tore down the stairs like a stampede of elephants. Luke wore a vintage band shirt modified sleeveless; you’d be getting a voicemail about dress code violations. The chains hanging off his black jeans.

“You have to hurry, Lu. Buck and I can’t be late. He needs to get to his apart-”

“I don’t see why he doesn’t just move in. He’s here almost every night. He helps buy groceries.” Luke’s hazel eyes stared at the plate he towered food on.

Buck raised one eyebrow in response, “You just moved in. You should be settled before we make-”

“Dude. Your lease is up in like a month; just move in already. No feathers will be ruffled. Besides, the band’s taking off now that Nick got his dad Ryan to check our music out.” Luke sprouted with a beaming smile at the good news his new band received.

After Luke had recovered from that coma, he’d woken up in a world where Alex, Reggie and Bobby, no Trevor, now continued the band. Then when Alex and Reggie couldn’t go on, the rhythm guitarist betrayed Luke. He stole every song he could get his hands on and proved successful.

“Ryan Evans, right? His sister’s some bigshot on Broadway? Sharpay, right?” You questioned recalling in the early 2000s the success of Sharpay and Ryan in some kind of Disney films based on them.

“You’re about to be the sister and brother-in-law of a certified rockstar.” Luke’s attempt at smirking made him look like a chipmunk with full cheeks of food, “I don’t need a ride. Alex’s picking me up.”

“Straight to school, Luke. You’ve got two weeks left before you can leave that behind.” Buck pointed his coffee cup in the direction of the passionate musician. Luke returned a smile of acknowledgement.

The kitchen was quiet as Luke shoved as much food in his mouth in such little time while you watched. In a flash, he’d stuck his dishes in the dishwasher before sprinting out to the van beeping continuously.

“Think we can have you moved in by tomorrow? Your one-bedroom place will be a little cramped for five people.” You simply spoke as you rinsed your coffee cup out. You could hear the wheels in Buck’s brain turning as he thought.

“Five people?”

“Yeah. Luke, Albert, me, you and baby Buckley.”

The entire home went completely still as the announcement bled into the house you’d made a home. One hand resting against the smoothness of your belly. That hand covered by the calloused one of Buck’s. His blue eyes gleaming in utter adoration and excitement.

“Baby Buckley?” Buck marvelled, turning you to face him with tears running down your cheeks, “You’re pregnant?”

“I am. I guess we’re giving Maddie’s daughter a cousin.” You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Now I’m obligated to see your parents regularly, and I still grimace at the first introduction.” Buck winced, recalling the foot in mouth syndrome he’d developed.

Buck had never been as nervous as in this moment. Not when he had to tell his parents the first time he got kicked out of college. Or when his teenage self sat beside one of his flings waiting for the results of a pregnancy test. Not even on his first date with Abby. 

“You’ll be fine.” You soothed the anxious man standing by your side on the doorstep of your childhood home. The door opened, revealing Luke standing with a grimace, “Oh Mom, made you wear that.”

Luke had been stuffed into one of the only long-sleeved shirts he owned by your mother. It was a magenta maroon hued corduroy shirt and set off his chocolate hair perfectly. Apparently, your mother hadn’t been able to get him into a pair of pants that weren’t skinny, black or ripped.

“We’re meeting your boyfriend, not the damn Pope-”

“You wouldn’t be wearing that if the Pope was involved.” You retorted, stepping to tug the younger Patterson into your arms. The only thing you adored about your little brother was he never denied a hug. Physical touch is his love language, so he never went through a phase.

“Lucas, don’t let them freeze on the front porch!” Emily shouted from within the Patterson home. Luke rolled his eyes at his mother’s request.

“Luke, this is my boyfriend, Evan Buckley. Buck, this is my not so little brother Luke.” You swiftly introduced the most important males in your life.

Luke and Buck got along better than any previous partner you’d brought home. He got along with your parents really well. Even when he slightly embarrassed himself as the time came to go home, whether it was his place or yours. He kissed your mother’s cheek and shook hands with your father.

“No offence, but thank you for having a heart attack and a coma. If you hadn’t, I’m sure I would have never met Y/N.”

Luke snickered at Buck’s odd choice of words, as did your parents. A part of Buck dreaded the next time he’d see your parents.

The gentle press of lips against your cheek pulled you from your thoughts of the first family dinner. Despite the issues between Luke and your parents, they were great people and parents; Buck had felt like he finally fit in. Even with that awkward thankful he gave your brother and dad, he was family the minute Mitch and Emily saw the mutual looks.

“How are we gonna do this?”

“Well, as the pregnant one, I’ll carry the little Bean until it’s time for them to enter the world. Then we’ll-”

“I get that but with our jobs?”

You felt guilty at the dread of not getting to do what you love, but you were excited, “I’ll keep working as a paramedic. I’ll stay away from fires, and then I’ll go on mat leave. We’ll make this work, Buck.” 

Buck leaned down to rest his forehead against yours with his eyes closed, envisioning how life was about to change. Buck adored children. He had loved Christopher from the moment he’d first met him. Buck himself was a kid at heart. 

“I didn’t think I could fall more in love, but you continue to surprise me each time,” Buck murmured with that gorgeous smile that utterly melted your heart from the first time you saw it. Back when you tried to deny any feelings beyond friendship.

“We’re so lucky to have you, Evan Buckley.” You breathed as you leaned up to kiss him with as much passion as you could. Although it was mostly clashing of teeth with the matching wide grins on your face.

“This little girl is gonna be a heartbreaker but no boyfriends or girlfriends until they’re thirty.” Buck declared, tugging you into his arms. His blue eyes twinkling in the natural lighting.

“It could be a boy.”

“Or maybe neither. Boy, girl or non-binary, I’ll love them just as much.” Buck spoke once more.

Gideon Buckley was born in the early morning to the pride of his parents and extended family. He was a healthy solid 8 pounds with sparse dark blonde hair and the trademark grey-blue newborn eyes. You everyone but Buck and your surprise Gideon wasn’t alone. Grace Buckley followed her older twin brother eight minutes later.

You rested against the propped up pillows spent from the exhausting hours of labour, but it was worth it. The two tiny babies snuggled beneath the swaddling blanket concealing your bare chest. Skin to skin contact was absolutely the best part of being a parent.

“Did you steal a baby?” Chim joked upon entering the hospital room with Maddie in tow. Right behind them were your parents and Luke.

“I’d like you to meet our twins Gideon and Grace Buckley. Surprise!” Buck quietly cheered in the nearly silent room. Buck’s curated newly parents playlist gently playing in the background.

Mitch and Emily came closer to look at the little loves they proudly got to claim as their first grandchildren. Emily’s heart melted upon hearing Gracie coo in her sleep. Grace and Gideon’s fist pressed against each other.

“Congratulations.” Maddie breathed, bending to catch a peek at the twins’ faces.

“Luke. Would you like to meet your goddaughter and godson?” You questioned the nervous musician. The nineteen-year-old tiptoed his way to the hospital bed.

“I’m both their godfather?” Luke choked as soon as Buck gently transferred Gideon onto his uncle’s chest. 

“There’s no one else in the world I’d choose to help guide them in the right direction. You always found your way back onto the right path. You’ll do the same for them.” Buck answered with Gracie nestled on his chest.

 Buck was the first to hold them followed by you and then their godfather Luke.

Gid and Gracie, although unseen, had been in Luke’s graduation pictures and watched as Julie and the Phantoms signed with a record label. Where Gid was, Luke wasn’t far beyond; the special bond melted everyone. Likewise with Gracie and Alex.

Gid overall was a happy baby compared to Grace. Loved visiting the firehouse. Loved the people working with their father and previously their mother. For the entire first year of Gideon and Grace’s life, you stayed at home with the utter support of Buck.

“First day back.” Hen spoke from beside you on the bench in the women’s change room. As a fellow mother, she’d been watching your behaviour.

“I miss them. I feel guilty that I abandoned them-”

“Okay, your feelings are valid, but you aren’t abandoning Gideon or Grace. You’re teaching them that you can be a great mom while also being a badass firefighter. I was the same when I went back to work after we got Denny.”

“Do you ever wish you could be a stay at home mom?”

“I love Denny with my entire heart, but I couldn’t do that. I was meant to be a paramedic firefighter as much as Denny’s mother. Besides, I can see Maddie pushing in the double stroller.”

Your head snapped to see your sister in law beaming with the double stroller carrying Gideon and Grace. Maddie’s daughter sitting on the seat made for a toddler. Maddie and Chimney had come to a decision for Maddie to work part-time.

Hen watched as you bounded out of the changeroom in uniform to scoop the twins into your arms. In a split second, Buck was down the stairs cooing at the absolute loves of his life. His partner and two children.

Buck would forever be grateful for finding his way to the 118, where he found his true family. A place of acceptance, love, trust and loyalty. Buck found his place in the world, and that was beside you.

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[thedeathdeelers]

just a little bit of magic (you know the rest by heart) ✨

my take on a Juke HP AU for the lovely Taryn @pink-flame on her birthday 🥰🎂 may you have an amazing day/week/month/year, you wonderful human being.

hope you like it!

----

Luke eagerly pulls Julie along as they walk down several corridors, up moving staircases and through low hanging archways. The deeper they walked into the castle, the quieter it got.

He had been jittery all morning, too impatient to pay attention in any of his classes as he counted down the hours and minutes until he was free to find Julie and drag her to his surprise. He’d lost his house countless of house points, his leg bouncing and his mind wandering whenever any of his professors called on him in class.

Alex had tried to help a few times whispering the right answers to him, but unfortunately nothing could help Luke when he got in one of these moods. He was just too excited.

Julie trips on her feet behind him, a reminder that her legs were shorter than his. He shakes his head, bringing himself back to the present as he focuses on the girl next to him. Luke slows down his pace, squeezing Julie’s hand once in apology as he gives her a few seconds to regain her balance.

The last thing he wanted to do was mess this up by having her trip and fall right before his big reveal.

Alex had already nearly blown the entire thing when they had passed him on the fifth floor coming out of the prefects’ bathrooms, forcing Luke to very loudly and purposefully talk over him to stop Julie from hearing anything. When he had realised his mistake, Alex had quickly gone quiet, his features morphing into a sheepish expression as he waved at them, walking away and back towards the Hufflepuff common room.

“Luuuuuke, where are you taking me?" His lips twitch at her whine, finding it to be very endearing. "It’s nearly past curfew and as Prefect I really can’t afford to be caught sneaking around by Harrison again.” He sees her look down at her outfit from the corner of his eye, a look of frustrated confusion taking over her face. "Also why did you tell me to change into my normal clothes under my robe?"

Luke snorts at her words, hopping onto the stairs leading them towards the seventh floor, Julie quickly following suit as the staircase starts moving.

“First of all, Harrison absolutely loves you — she'd probably thank you for being you and then very politely ask you to head back to your tower, and then turn right around and give me 3 months’ worth of detention in the same breath.” He turns his head towards her, throwing her his signature grin. “You’ll be fine. And second of all, you ask too many questions. We’re nearly there -- be patient Young Padawan."

"Young-" She shakes her head, cutting herself off, the muggle reference clicking. Luke grimaces at his choice of words, thinking might be spending a little too much time around Reggie lately. "And where is there, exactly?"

Luke tries very hard not to take the stairs two steps at a time.

"Nuh-uh, I already told you - it's a surprise."

He smiles at the disgruntled noise she makes, knowing just how impatient Julie can be. He sneaks a look at her face from over his shoulder, nearly tripping over the stone steps when he sees a little pout on her lips.

At his fumble, a smirk replaces the pout, her voice coming out cockier than usual. "You good there, Patterson?"

Luke whips his head back around, his eyes flying to his feet and staying fixed on the steps in front of him.

"Yeah," he clears his throat before continuing, "yeah, I'm fine. We're uh- we're nearly there."

"It's what you keep telling me," is her teasing, sing-song reply, her mood apparently shifting at his fumble.

Luke keeps his eyes forward, hoping Julie can't see his reddened cheeks as they reach the seventh floor landing. He stops for a second to let her catch her breath before pulling her along with him again, taking the first left corridor they come across to head towards the Troll tapestry.

He'd been taking this route so many times in the last few weeks, he could probably do this with his eyes closed. He had wanted everything to be perfect, practicing again and again until he was sure he had nailed the process.

Only the best for his Julie Molina.

Their steps echo as they make their way down the seldom used corridor, the flickering lights from the torches casting long shadows on the stone floor ahead of them.

"Merlin, this castle is so creepy sometimes," mutters Julie to his left, shivering slightly as her hand tightens its hold on his.

Luke squeezes back, his eyes zeroing in on the tapestry up ahead. His heart starts to beat faster, the excitement reaching an all-time high, only slightly tainted by the nerves that fought to make their presence known.

Taking a deep breath, Luke slowly lets it out as they reach their destination, stopping and turning to face the large tapestry.

Julie stands next to him, confused as she takes in the scene before her - a group of Trolls in tutus attempting to learn the ballet. He watches her as she follows their movements, zeroing in on Barnabas the Barmy as he attempts to direct the Trolls to his left, while the ones on the right pull out their clubs ready to hit him over the head.

Luke loses focus for a second, too taken by Julie - by her furrowed brows, her scrunched up nose as she leans forward to inspect the design on the tutus, and especially by the way her lips twist before her bottom lip slips between her teeth.

He's only shaken out of his daze, his eyes flying up and away from her lips, when she suddenly turns to him with a quizzical look on her face.

"Is this the Barnabas the Barmy Tapestry? Why are we- wait..." She turns her head back towards the Tapestry, taking in the scene with new eyes. "I remember reading about this in Hogwarts: A History years ago...It was the chapter about the many hidden magical rooms in Hogwarts and..." She trails off as she looks at him, her eyes widening. She lets go of his hand, slowly turning in place to face the wall behind them - the one right across from the Tapestry.

"Wait....Isn't this-"

Luke rushes to cut her off, quickly turning around and stepping up in front of her to block her view of the wall, in a hurry to derail her train of thought.

"Okay! So, if you could stand right," he places his hands on either side of her waist, pulling her forward as he walks backwards, positioning her right in the middle of the corridor. "Here."

His hands don't move once she's in place, his fingers brushing against smooth warmth right where a sliver of skin peaks out between her t-shirt and the top of her jeans. He had somehow slid his hands under her open robes without even realising it.

His eyes fly up to meet hers, already wide and staring. They stand there in the quiet space, both locked in each others' gazes, neither one of them daring to move. Within seconds Luke can already feel the now familiar thrum of electricity that always crackled whenever they were both together. Only this time it felt even more surreal.

If he could, Luke thinks he could stay this way for the rest of the night, of the school year, but he brought her here for a reason, so he loudly clears his throat, effectively breaking some of the tension that had built between them. He lets his hands slip away from her waist as he takes a step back, his fingers still tingling from the contact.

"So just...yeah just stay there for a few seconds, while I..." He trails off as he looks away, turning around to face the bare wall in front of them and trying very hard to refocus on the task at hand.

He closes his eyes, clearing his mind until all he has left is the image of the room he wants to recreate.

Taking a deep breath, he pivots on his right foot and faces the direction they had just come from. He takes a few steps forward then abruptly turns back around and walks back down the corridor, making sure to keep his focus. He stops again once he reaches the edge of the Tapestry, turning back around and repeating the process until he starts hearing the sound of crumbling walls that always preceded the emergence of a large wooden door, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.

Luke opens his eyes to take in the transformation in front of him, only turning to look at Julie when he hears her surprised gasp.

"Luke-" she's cut off by the increasing creaking sound of the door hinges slotting into place, the loud grating out of place on the deserted floor - until suddenly - everything stops. A deafening silence follows, only broken by the crackling of the torches nearby.

Coughing quietly to get her attention, Luke speaks up.

"So...Reggie told us about this room he read about a few weeks ago when we were trying to find a new rehearsal space to use, since, you know, Covington kicked us out of the fifth floor classrooms 'cause he obviously has no taste whatsoever when it comes to real music and loves making everyone miserable, especially Hufflepuffs and-" Luke cuts himself off when he realises he's rambling, rubbing the back of his neck before clearing his throat to continue.

"Yeah well, I asked around to check if this place actually existed and then Willie, you know how Willie likes to listen to us play - although honestly I think he just likes to hang out so he can watch Alex - but anyway, what I'm trying to say is that one of the ghosts from down by the dungeons owed Willie a favour so....ta-da," he finishes lamely, his arms coming up to point towards the door in front of them while wiggling his fingers.

It's quiet for a few seconds, Julie presumably taking it all in.

"You- you found the Room of Requirement?" She asks quietly, sounding almost awed.

"I mean- I had a lot of help from the guys and then Willie and the Bloody-"

"You found it," she cuts him off, her fingers reaching forward as she moves close enough to touch the door.

Luke scratches the back of his head, suddenly feeling shy in her presence.

"Uh, yeah, I guess I did."

He keeps his eyes on her, tracking her movements as she traces the patterns on the door, following the curving decorative loops down the length of the doorframe until her fingers wrap around the protruding metal handle.

"Luke, this is incredible."

The tone of her voice makes his cheeks grow warmer.

"Nah it's nothing," he tries to brush it off, shuffling on his feet, glad that she is too preoccupied with the door to see his continuously reddening cheeks.

She turns to him then, her hand still latching onto the handle.

"It's not nothing! There's a literal betting pool over at Ravenclaw tower to see who can find this place first, and so far no one's done it..." She shakes her head at him, a smile making its way onto her lips. "But you did."

Luke scuffs his shoe against the stone flooring, not sure what to do with himself. He's always been awkward with compliments, especially when they came from Julie.

Apparently Julie eventually takes pity on him, speaking up again.

"So Patterson, what am I going to find behind this door? A record store? That dodgy hot dog place you told me about? I saw you pacing back and forth three times in front of it, so I'm assuming you already have something or somewhere in mind."

She quirks a brow at him, her eyes shining bright with curiosity.

"Yes! That's actually why I brought you here," he chooses to ignore her little digs as he bounces closer to the door, coming to stand right next to her. "So I remember you saying at the start of the year how you've been struggling with music and...y'know...because no matter where you went you just never felt comfortable enough? And then I remembered the studio you always talked about, the one where your mom taught you everything you knew..."

He watches as her expression slowly morphs, her eyes getting wider and her lips parting ever so slightly.

"I asked Flynn to show me if you had any photos of the space and well..." Luke wraps his fingers around the metal chain hanging off his jeans underneath his robe, squeezing tight to keep himself from fidgeting.

Julie continues to stare at him, her expression frozen on her face. It only made him more restless.

Shit, did he take it too far? Was this not what friends did for each other? Sure he had been in love with Julie for years now, but he's been trying really hard to keep it strictly friendly between them, not wanting to ruin anything, especially after having lost her mom.

And Luke likes to think this is definitely something he would have done for either Reggie or Alex.

But maybe her studio back home was something too personal to her? Maybe she wasn't ready?

"Oh Merlin Julie if this is out of line we can just forget this whole thing happened and-"

Suddenly Luke is cut off by a small bundle of limbs and soft curves throwing themselves at him. His arms reach up reflexively, wrapping them around her, his hands coming to rest on the small of her back.

"Thank you," she says, or so he thinks, being the only words he can barely make out, muffled as they are against his t-shirt.

"Of course Julie." He moves his hands up and down her back, a gesture he knows is comforting to her.

The arms wrapped around his neck tighten for a second before she releases him, taking a small step back and wiping at her face with the sleeve of her robe.

He takes in her face, her expression so vulnerable, unsure about what to do next. But then a small smile appears as she nods at his unanswered question. He reciprocates, nodding back with a smile of his own.

He gestures towards the door. "So, want to do the honours?"

He watches as she nods again, taking in a deep breath before turning to face the door once more. With slightly shaking hands, Julie reaches over and wraps her fingers around the handle, twisting it before pushing. The heavy wooden door creaks at the movement, slowly swinging open until they were both standing on the threshold of a brightly lit garage-turned studio space.

Luke only takes a second to check that everything inside is as it should be, before turning back around to look at Julie.

Her eyes widen at the scene that welcomes her, the steps she takes as she crosses over into the space small and tentative. Luke slips in right behind her, taking her hand off the handle before easing the door shut behind them. He keeps her hand in his as she looks around the space, her fingers brushing over everything within her reach - from the throw covering the armchair that greets them on the right, to the trinkets covering the corner shelves on their left. As they gradually move into the studio, the sound of their footsteps alternating from loud to muffled as they cross over the various rugs decorating the space, Julie’s eyes move upwards, her attention momentarily shifting to the ceiling. Luke follows her gaze to see the three hanging chairs he’d debated leaving out, glad to have included now that he sees a wistful smile take place on Julie’s face.

With the late afternoon Californian sunlight streaming in through the windows, the studio almost looks magical, a warm golden glow enveloping the space. Julie’s gaze comes back down as she pulls Luke along with her further into the studio, walking around the baby grand piano, her finger lightly trailing its side, to stand in front of the wall of plants nestled against the glass back wall.

"My mom..." Julie starts, breaking the silence before trailing off as she reaches over to touch the leaves hanging closest to her. "She always said that plants were sacred. She used to tell me and Carlos all these stories about these spirits that lived in each and every single plant on Earth, protecting those who cared for them. Nurturing all those who treated them with love and kindness and respect." Luke takes in the sight of the green foliage, noting how beautiful it looked. "Said tjat our loved ones’ spirits somehow lived in the very roots of these plants.

“Our house has these pots and vases full of flowers and all sorts of plants all over the place - even our garden looks like a jungle!" She lets out a watery laugh, sniffling as she gets on her tiptoes as if on instinct to pull down a green watering pot resting on a shelf above them.

Luke, seeing what Julie wants to do, hurries to pull out his wand from his back-pocket, muttering a quick Aguamenti as he taps the watering pot. Julie shoots him a grateful smile before she starts watering the plants one by one, Luke tucking his wand away into his robe pocket.

“We used to take turns, each of us spending a few minutes or hours watering and pruning every single plant in the house and in here - but my mom was always there anyway, singing to us, to the plants. Keeping us company.” Julie leans forward as she tries to reach the back row. "But when she...when she wasn't around anymore, I- I stopped. I couldn't bring myself to think about her plants or her music or her stories — let alone come in here where everything about this place reminded me of her." Luke gently rubs the back of her hand with his thumb, not wanting to cut her off, but still finding a small way to try and comfort her.

"I guess my dad took care of everything last summer..." Julie trails off as she finishes watering the remaining hanging plants, before placing the watering pot back in its place.

She turns to him, a peaceful smile lighting up her face. "I forgot how soothing it felt to do that. Thank you."

Luke's smile widens at her words, nodding at her in response.

She keeps her eyes locked on his for a few more seconds before averting her gaze, turning back around to face the piano they had walked past earlier.

Julie lets go of his hand as she slowly makes her way towards the instrument, only stopping when she reaches the bench. Luke takes note of her hesitancy to touch the piano, only to then take a deep breath and slip onto the bench, fingers poised over the fall-board.

He slowly walks up behind her, squeezing her shoulder once before moving away.

"Julie, if you need some space or want me to go I can just-"

Her eyes, which had slid shut, pop open at his words as she cuts him off before he can even finish his sentence.

"No! No, this is- Stay. I want you here, really." She looks at him with so much open trust and something else he can't quite place, that Luke doesn’t really know what to say. So instead he just nods at her, pointing at the black couch behind him.

"I'm uh- I'll just go sit there? Give you a few minutes to yourself, yeah?"

At her nod, he takes a step backwards before spinning around on the spot, his shoe squeaking against the wood flooring, jumping over the coffee table and landing on the old weathered couch cushions.

He hears a little giggle behind him, his head whipping up in time to find Julie attempting, and failing, to smother the sound. His pokes his tongue out at her in response even as warmth blooms in his chest at the sound of her laughter.

She shakes her head at him before averting her eyes and focusing the piano before her, slowing reaching out to lift the fall-board.

He can see the anticipation and fear and love and grief and happiness swirling in her eyes, noticed the way her fingers shake as they hover over the keys. His own fingers dig into his knees, forcing himself to stay still, to stay quiet, as he witnesses a moment that truly is monumental for Julie.

He watches her as she takes another deep breath, squaring her shoulders as if ready for battle. She nods to herself once right before her fingers land on the keys, music instantly filling every corner of the studio, every corner of his soul.

Luke has always been sensitive to music - he thinks that's why he's always been good at picking up new instruments so quickly, at finding the right words and melodies and blending them together to create something new and exciting. But the feeling that courses through him as he listens to Julie singing takes him completely by surprise. It's like a physical punching him in the gut, squeezing his heart and taking his breath away all at once. He sits there, stunned, as he listens to Julie inadvertently command his full attention, singing her heart out.

He thinks it must be an original, because he doesn’t recognise it at all.

Her face goes through a rollercoaster of emotions, pain leaking through as she makes her way through the first pre-chorus.

And you use your pain,

‘Cause it makes you you,

Thought I wish I could hold you through it

I know it’s not the same

You got living to do

And I just want you to do it

But then just as she reaches the end, gearing up for what feels like the chorus, Luke sees determination take its place.

So get up, get out, relight that spark,

You know the rest by heart

Julie dives into the chorus, full of energy and hope, another one of her many smiles suddenly changing the tone of the song.

She makes her way through the second verse, pre-chorus and chorus in the same vain, the energy around her building and building, Luke’s heart beat matching it.

The song reaches its crescendo, her voice climbing as it builds on every note it hits, Julie getting to her feet, spreading her arms wide as she gets to the high note. A look of peaceful acceptance crosses her face before she eases the songs to it’s final chorus, settling back down onto the bench, singing and playing softly as the song comes to an end, the last two words ringing in the quiet studio.

Wake up

All Luke can do is stare with his mouth hanging open as Julie lowers her hands onto her lap, her eyes closed, chest heaving. He had always known that Julie was a powerhouse, always known that music coursed through her veins right along her magic, but he had never heard her sing the way she just had. Not with the full force of her voice as so many raw emotions filtered through.

It left him reeling. He needed to catch his breath.

If he wasn't already in love with her, he knows he'd be head over heels for her after what he had just witnessed.

He's pulled out of his daze when Julie moves, her eyes open as she stands up and steps away from the bench, slowly moving towards him.

Luke scrambles to shuffle down the sofa making space for her to sit, only to be surprised when she chooses to sit on his lap, her arms wrapping around his neck as she burrows her face in his neck.

It takes him a few seconds to react, his body frozen and unable to process.

"I know I keep saying this but....thank you," she whispers, voice unstable, her lips sending shivers down his spine as they brush against the skin of his neck.

The movement snaps him out of his stupor, his arms coming up to fully wrap around her, pulling her closer to his chest as he leans back against the couch cushions.

"I told you," he says, resting his chin over her head of curls, "anything for you, Julie."

Her fingers curls into the fabric of his t-shirt, pulling herself closer to him at his words.

They stay that way for a while, Julie’s breathing eventually easing into a calm rhythm.

Luke stays quiet, understanding her need to absorb everything she had just gone through, happy to just hold her in his arms. When she does break the silence, her voice comes out a little more composed.

"I- that was a song my mom wrote for me before she- when she found out..." Her whisper trails off into silence, the pain in her voice squeezing at his heart.

Luke tightens his arms around her.

"You don't have to explain it to me, Jules, it's okay."

"No I- I want to."

Luke relents, nodding at her words as he patiently waits for her to continue.

"I found the song right before leaving home back in September, and when I saw it...it just hurt too much. I couldn't even get past the title." She releases her grip on his shirt only to start tracing random patterns on his arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind.

“I packed it up and brought it with me thinking I’d be able to read it once settled in my dorm, a space my mom’s never been in but — it took me months to even take it out again, and then a few more months after that just to read through the whole thing. That first time I was a mess," she laughs, a small quiet sound. "Flynn was so close to dragging me to Madam Pomfrey but I managed to convince her I was okay-ish. And then after that it slowly started becoming a little easier every time I read through it until one day I just knew the full song by heart." She stops talking for a few minutes, lost in her own thoughts as she continues her ministrations on his arm. "But even then I still couldn't get myself to sing it, I was always so scared that once I did, it meant that my mom really was gone, that the last piece I had connecting me to her was over and I couldn't bear it..."

Luke's heart drops at her words, an apology ready on the tip of his tongue.

"But the minute I walked into our studio again, this studio, after watering those plants and being able to share all of her stories about spirits and magic and life always being around even after death with you, it just...clicked." She lifts her head up from her hiding place, finally locking eyes with him. "I carry her with me, in everything I do. And I know that I would have eventually figured this out myself, probably once I went back home over the summer, maybe, but..." Julie places her hand against his cheek, her fingers warm against his skin. "It wouldn't have been the same, and I- well, thank you. Again." She tilts her head, looking at him from under her lashes with a smile so radiant on her face, all he can do is nod, turning his head to press a kiss against the palm of her hand.

He feels her fingers twitch against his face, a hitch in her breathing as he looks back up at her.

He finds her looking at him, eyes wide and open, looking both tired and fully awake with dried tear tracks down her cheeks, her bun falling apart with loose curls bending at weird angles from a long day of classes, but all he can think is how beautiful she is. How much he loves her and everything she is, and he tries to hard to stop himself but-

"I love you.”

The words spill out, unable and unwilling to stay locked up anymore. His own eyes widen at his confession, regret flooding in the second he says it.

"I- I- I," he tries to backtrack, to fill the silence, anything, but now that the words are out in the open, his brain and mouth seem to have detached, neither one wanting to cooperate with the other.

Julie stares at him, her eyes somehow growing larger, her mouth forming into the shape of an "o".

“Oh.”

Luke braces himself for her rejection, prepares himself to feel the cold air rush in the minute she moves off of his lap.

But instead, Julie brings up her other hand to fully cup his face, her mouth stretching out into a full blown grin.

"You love me?" she asks, breathless.

Luke, too stunned to do anything else, simply nods at her question.

“You love me," she repeats, this time more of a statement than a question.

She surprises again him by laughing, a lovely melodious sound that pulls the laughter out of him, joining her in her mirth as he chuckles quietly along in his confusion.

"I'm sorry I'm not- I'm not laughing at you," she tries to get out between laughs, her smile still present on her face. "I'm just in disbelief, I-" She shakes her head, laughter quietening down as her thumbs swipe along his cheekbones.

"I love you too."

Those four words take him by surprise, affecting him in a way even her singing hadn’t, his mind spinning, heart racing, entire being vibrating.

Julie Molina loved him.

She loved him too.

He takes his time to commit this moment, her face, the feel of her weight on his lap and the warmth of her hands against his cheeks, to memory. His eyes roam her face, taking in every detail, before they finally land on her smiling lips.

He briefly thinks back to all the moments he had wished he could kiss her, taste her smile and her joy and happiness - and share in that glow that always seemed to be uniquely hers.

He now smiles at that thought, thinking that maybe he might actually be able to experience the one thing he had always craved but thought was off-limits.

Lifting his eyes back up to meet her, Luke leans slightly forward, in askance, in invitation. When she reciprocates his movements, Luke brings both his hands up from behind her back, cupping her face as he pulls her closer to him, ending years’ worth of pining.

That night was the first time of many that Luke Patterson was given the privilege of tasting Julie Molina's smile.

fin

[bluefirewrites]

While You Sleep

One shot based off a Juke headcanon I had about protective Luke. This is for this momentous March 4th JATP trending day. Here’s to clowning with you!

___________

She noticed him there one night. An almost indistinguishable blob huddled out her window, dark clothes blending in with the shingles, the trees- the night.

It was too late for either of them to be up.

Yes, Julie was aware that ghosts had no need to sleep. No bodies meant no circadian rhythm.

But he wasn’t supposed to be there.

Rubbing her eyes and groping her desk for her glasses, Julie tiptoed across the room, mindful not to make too much noise. It was past midnight after all.

She cracked open her window, the slight breeze playing with her hair as she stuck her head out.

“Luke?” she called, startling the ghost.

“Julie!” He all but yelped. Normally cool and confident, Luke Patterson scrambled, limbs moving wildly, “Uh, hey. What are you- What are you doing up?” he coughed then shot her a smile.

Would have been that perfect smile Julie had raved about to Flynn if it hadn’t come off as hesitant, as a ruse. It didn’t push against his cheeks like they were supposed to. If he hadn’t been a ghost, she would have chalked it up to fatigue.  

She nodded her head at the door, “I had to go to the bathroom.”

A yawn snuck out her mouth. Luke’s eyes softened at the sound.

“You should go back to sleep,”

Julie looked him over again, noting his attire. A beanie, his torn up jeans, and… that flannel. The brown one.

She shimmied out and carefully sat next to him on the roof, knees pulled up like his was, “Luke, is something wrong?”

“No. Just get back inside,” he urged, shooing her away. And when she didn’t budge, his tone grew a tad bit more authoritative, “Julie, I mean it. Go to bed.”

“I’ll go when you tell me why you’re out here,” She may be tired, but two could play this stubborn game. And as if she was going to bed without figuring out what’s bothering Luke.

His shoulders rose and sunk, “To think. For some privacy,”

It came out as more of a question, as if he wasn’t entirely committed to that story. At Julie’s judgemental silence, he continued spinning.

“Not sure if you know this, but Alex and Reggie?” he leaned in, hands cupping his mouth, “They can be a bit much.” he stage-whispered teasingly.

She raised an eyebrow, “Alex and Reggie?”

“They’re, like, so,so loud. Real annoying. Very hyper,” he said, “Like I tell them ‘Boys, keep it down’, ya know?”

“Uh-huh,”

She wondered if he legitimately thought this was working on her. And Julie thought she was terrible when put on the spot.

“You have the power to poof literally anywhere and everywhere, yet you choose my roof?”

Seriously, out of all the places to get privacy, Luke thought being a couple feet away from her window was enough seclusion.

Again, he shrugged, emoting a  ‘don’t know what to tell ya’, which only irritated Julie even more.

She scooted over, getting into his space, but the ghost wasn’t allowing it, bringing up his arms to keep her at bay, and maybe to move her in the direction of the window.

“Luke, enough with the games just tell me what’s going on-” she reached for him and ended up grazing his ever-jerking shoulder. Her hand landed on something behind him.

It wasn’t a shingle or a leaf. Whatever it was, her finding it made Luke’s eyes widen and had him stuttering out pleas to leave it alone.

With cat-like reflexes she wasn’t aware she had at this hour, Julie grabbed it before he could swipe it away.

Under the moonlight, she inspected the item in her hands, confused.

“Salt?” It was the same can of salt that Carlos had tried to use on the boys, supposedly trying to ‘burn their souls out’, “Why do you have this?”

Luke chuckled nervously, “Oh that? Well that’s just… that’s because...” he faltered, “Because…”

He sighed dejectedly.

“Uh, you mind waiting a couple minutes? While I come up with an excuse?” he tried, his usual charm doing nothing for Julie at the moment.

She stared at him, hard and unwavering. “I don’t like it when you lie to me, Luke.”

The ghost deflated. His features tightened, almost pained.

“I never want- argh-” he growled, pounding at the surface before cradling his head, frustrated, “Look, I never wanted to lie to you.”

“Then why do you do it?” her voice warbled as she pressed. He still did this? After all they had been through together? It hurt her to think about, somewhat insulting.

But of course there must be a reason. A good one because whatever he was hiding, it was clearly weighing heavy on him. Much like when he had visited his parents. And when he was suffering from the stamps…

“Something happened,” she surmised.

Luke didn’t want to admit it, she sensed that. But she could sense his resolve breaking, the more she looked at him, looked into his stormy hazel eyes.

Julie inched near him and the moment her hand came up to rest on his shoulder, his whole body shuddered, his breathing becoming less controlled- God, he was falling apart, as if he had spent so long bottled up, the pressure only escaping out now.

He kept shaking his head, refusing to let it happen, but Julie’s hand moved to his other shoulder, pulling herself towards him, her left side locking into his right. He practically melted, and with unplanned synchronicity, their heads rested against each others’.

They sat there, the quietest they had ever been with each other, but the moment screaming something that Julie had yet to decipher.

She thought she could speak ‘Luke’ by now. No two people could engage in something as personal as songwriting without picking up a thing or two on how the other person thinks, feels...

A sort of jitteriness existed in him and all Julie knew was that she just needed to quell it, to calm him down. Her fingers traced patterns into his shoulder, dancing en pointe to the rhythm of her breathing, and soon Luke’s. Slow and steady.  

“The night of the Orpheum,” he finally said, “after you left. We were gonna meet you there, I swear we were. But then…”

“Caleb?” she dared to speak his name out loud.

With the way Luke’s form tensed under her arm, she regretted it.  

He swallowed hard, withdrawing his head from its comfortable position against hers so he could look at her properly.

“He was here, Julie,” he gritted out.

Her stomach dropped.

Caleb had been here. At her house.

Logically, it was to be expected. He was a ghost, like the boys, able to go anywhere and everywhere. It made sense to come here to get them.

But the fact that he could…The fact that he had...

This man, who could so easily inflict pain, who had no qualms in threatening non-existence to three teenage boys, all because they wouldn’t do what he wanted, had been in her home.

The thought rattled her, and she was almost close to losing her regular breathing pattern. Sensing this, Luke’s hand shot out and coated hers, quick to soothe with guilty fingers.

None of them ever told her this. Of how they ended up at the club before the Orpheum. They must have wanted to shield her from the distress, taking it upon themselves the burden of worrying. Worrying when he would come back. If he ever came back.

“Look, Caleb’s this all powerful ghost. The things he’s capable of,” he shut his eyes, breathing deeply, “I don’t like knowing that he knows where you-”

He couldn’t bring himself to finish, voice cracking. Instead,  his hand reached for the can of salt, stealing it back.

Julie noticed it. In the way he held the can, that he didn’t need to open his eyes to grab it; it was instinct. If his palm had been large enough, he could encapsulate the whole thing. He couldn’t be gripping it any tighter.

“But Luke…” she tried to remind him gently.

“I know this doesn’t do anything. Doesn’t burn souls or whatever,” he slammed it down on the roof, “But it’s better than nothing.”

Julie bit her lip, not wanting to ask, dreading the answer.

“Have you been up here? Every night since?”

Luke hesitated.

Oh.

“I don’t spy on you or anything. I’m not a creep or-” he tried, “I just wanna make sure. Make sure you’re alright.”

Julie was at a loss for words.

She didn’t know what to feel. The gesture would have warmed her heart if the visual that presented itself wasn’t so utterly devastating.

The Orpheum performance had been months ago.

That meant many nights of Luke keeping vigil on her roof, outside her room, clutching onto that can of salt like a lifeline, always on edge. Never sleeping, just… sitting there in silence. Anticipating for some attack.

That could drive any person mad.

He didn’t tell the boys either. She knew that. Otherwise they would be up here with him, all armed with their own cans of salt.

Luke bore the burden of worrying.

And he did it alone.

Julie cursed herself for not picking up on it sooner, but there was never any residue of the anxious nights. The electric smile at its full wattage always greeted her when she woke up and visited the studio first thing before leaving for school.

But she should have noticed. Noticed in the way Luke’s gaze seemed to linger on her for a beat too long when he thought she wasn’t looking. In the way he embraced her, squeezing her tight, reluctant to let her go even so she could go to school.

She had always thought it was him relishing in the ability to touch her, never taking it for granted after months of never thinking such a thing was possible.

Finding out why- it hurt. It hurt knowing how much Luke was hurting and he didn’t let it slip once.

All to protect her.

“You don’t have to keep watch, Luke...” she didn’t want to put him through that anymore. Her peace of mind should never be at the expense of Luke’s. She refused.

He shook his head, “No, I do. Because if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t- I couldn’t-”

“Hey. I should be the one who’s worried. You guys almost…” she stopped, not wanting to dwell...

“Look. you’re who he wants. Not me. I should be the one to be,” she eyed the can of salt “to be standing guard outside the studio, protecting you.”

“We’d never want for you to put yourself in danger. Not for us. No way,”

“Well that’s tough because there’s no way I’m gonna let him take you away from me again,” she cried, desperate.

That gave Luke pause and she realized her mistake.

She had meant to say ‘you guys’.

But also at the same time, she didn’t.  

The moment of vulnerability made her want to run and hide, but it was already too late. The damage was done. Luke blinked at her, stunned and sad.

His hand on top of hers shifted, curling around until he was holding it, thumb grazing her knuckles,  “I’m not going anywhere, Julie,” he promised, “We’re not.” he corrected for her.

“Well, neither am I,”

It should feel like a lie. What both of them said.

Nothing about their situation was fixed. A promise from a ghost to Lifer and vice versa shouldn’t mean anything. Not when he could leave, cross over to the great light at any time. Not when she could grow old and leave him behind along with the memories of her teen years.

Their interesting little relationship was already doomed. No Caleb required.

But she meant it. And that felt like enough.

Luke meant it. And it was.  

She wished she could enjoy this.

Another agonizing silence flowed between them, and soon Luke’s hand left, the echo of his touch chilled by the night. She pocketed both of her hands in her sweatpants.

“How did you break free?” she asked, “You were at the club, right? How were you able to get out?”

Luke smiled, “You called. And we came. Duh.”

She sang. Somehow her singing had summoned them, had brought her boys back to her. It had always been that way sorta. There was this feeling she had ever since she played their demo, that there was something tethering them together.

They always knew where to find her. And when.

At first, it annoyed her. Like, who wanted three new responsibilities?

But now it gave her comfort.

She needed to voice this to Luke.

“You can’t be sitting here every night. It doesn’t help anyone for you to be on edge all the time,”

He opened his mouth to interject, but she kept going.

“I know. I know you can’t just turn off all your worrying. It’s scary not knowing what’s gonna happen,” She sneaked one last squeeze to his hand, “But If anything does happen, you’ll know. And you’ll be here” she snapped her fingers, “just like that.”

“But-”

“For me. Please,” she had to say, desperate.

And she watched as any further arguments died on his lips. She was lucky that it took this time.

She brushed away his bangs before cupping his face. His eyes fluttered closed at the contact. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

That seemed to seal the deal.

“Ok. For you,” he nodded. Then he carefully guided her hand off and he cocked his head towards the open window, “You seriously need to sleep though.”  

It was her turn to nod, “I will.”

And with that, they both stood, with Luke guiding her back inside, ensuring she didn’t slip and fall off the roof. Once safe and away from the cold, she hung back, elbows perched on the window sill. Luke did the same from the outside.

“Goodnight, Julie,” he whispered.  

She smiled, a first for tonight.

“Goodnight, Luke,”

The ghost returned it, and it reached his eyes this time. He moved to leave but he froze. Pulling out the can, he opened the spout and began lining the entirety of window sill with a small stream of salt.

“Here,” he remarked upon finishing, “Just in case.”

Julie didn’t have the heart to correct him. Him standing guard may be for her benefit, but the can of salt was definitely for his.

“Thanks,” she said instead, brushing stray particles to fill any gaps in her protective barrier.

She watched him poof away before closing the window and crawling into bed and succumbing to sleep.  

********

Julie hadn’t seen Luke on her roof since.

It had been weeks and there was a definite improvement in the way Luke carried himself from then on out. It was miniscule, of course, but Julie could see it in his eyes that he had been receiving the equivalent of a well-needed slumber.

That didn’t stop him from keeping an eye on her from time to time. Though it never reached ‘stationing on the roof’ status. The boy had found a loophole and she found herself anticipating surprise visits by her locker.

She never did say anything about school.

And everything was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

Julie wasn’t sure why it took so long for the fear that Caleb’s visit had instilled to rear its ugly head.

But it did.

And in the form of nightmares no less.

It was the night of the Oprheum all over again, except when she launched herself at Luke, she merely passed through. No magical hug to save them, she was forced to watch as those jolts, those painful jolts, slowly killed them.

She remembered screaming and crying, the looks on the boys' faces when their light had been snuffed out, when they were nothing more than shimmering particles that faded away into nothing, it was something she never ever wanted to see again.

Her body jerked awake, her body sweating and she was startled to find the screams and cries had followed her- her face damp and her throat coarse. Bringing her knees to her chin, the horror of what she had witnessed was still fresh in her mind, and she was sobbing.

In the midst of all this, she barely registered the tugging feeling, somewhere deep inside her, somewhere she couldn’t really place.

Then suddenly, a telltale sound of a ghost poofing in diminished her cries.

“Julie. Julie!” she heard Luke, frantic. His form, blurred by her tears, moved about the room until he was sitting at the foot of her bed. “A-Are you okay? I felt it, I felt you calling-”

She wiped her face with her sweater sleeve, readjusting to reality, “I’m- I’m fine. It’s just-” she sniffled, “I had a nightmare.”

Once Luke’s face came in view, the nightmare image of his disappearing out of existence overwhelmed her again and some wayward tears flowed against her better judgement.

“Hey,” he moved and was at her side immediately, drawing her to him, “Sh. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

She buried her face into his chest just to make sure. Because forget her. He was okay. Caleb didn’t take him away from her. He was still here.

The tears she was shedding were ones of pure relief.

It had been awful. For a second, she was powerless. She had felt that way when she lost her mom, her sickness taking hold. She couldn’t stop it from taking her mom, and that left her feeling so hollow.

Julie wouldn’t know what to do if it happened again. If it happened to her boys.

She didn’t know how long Luke held her, wiping her cheeks dry with his thumbs and keeping her hair from clinging to her forehead. But somehow during all this, they both had reclined on her bed, the worst of it having passed.

Even when she had stopped crying, his arms still encased her.

“What can I do?” he asked, unsure, “Tell me. What can I do?”

“Just…” her fists curled around his shirt, her breathing steadying and eyes pleading, “Can you stay here? With me?”

He nodded,resolute, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Julie sighed and she was struck with that promise they made weeks ago. And she allowed herself to relax into him.

It should scare her. How much she trusted him. To be there. There weren't any guarantees in life. Not for her. Especially not for him.

But she called.

And he came.

A constant.

And as much as she didn’t want him to worry about her, she knew that she wouldn’t easily be able to not worry about him.  

And encased in arms that would phase through others, and even with the threat of Caleb still hanging over their heads, Julie never felt more safe.

He wasn’t supposed to be here. Not in this house. Not in this time of 2020.

But he was.

And she slept peacefully from then on.  

tagging @blush-and-books and @lydias--stiles (I will sleep now)

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

💙Fri 11 Dec ‘20◟̽◞̽

Louis' big show is TOMORROW but that may not even be all we have to look forward to from him! Producer Alex Oriet (half of the duo Saltwives, who have worked with Zayn a lot, and he got his start working with 1D) reposted Louis' “new song” tweet to his insta with a caption- “soon”. OMG. Billboard had a 'year in livestreams' feature and wrapped up with Louis', saying “the best is yet to come” and reporting that Louis' show is Veeps' bestselling of the year “in excess of $1 million” (so either over a mil so far or a mil over the next best, hard to say, but it'll be well over a million by the end for sure so either makes sense).“I can't wait for tomorrow!” Louis tweeted, SAME, and “feels so good to be back with the boys getting ready. Can't wait for you all to see what we've been working on!” He included the brand new special Live From London twiiter emoji (!), it's a really cute lil vintage TV with the xx smiley on it, and a pic-- it's him looking over the backstage prep (so many screens) and you can see his hair flowing free and long and lovely! You can also see a piece of paper in front of him with 20 lines on it-- even if it is a set list I imagine some lines say “banter with crowd” and such like (as we saw on Louis' tour set list) but that's still soooo many lovely songs :))). Charlie Lightening says “this is going to be special, can’t wait for people to see what we have planned” and LTHQoffical is hitting us hard with the hype, posting another rehearsal pic (he's holding a beer and they didn't even scribble it out! wow almost like there's nothing wrong with that), and a time zone guide showing 66 cities around the world, and a digital fan pack, and they said more merch will be out tomorrow (heeelllp), and there's a show day itinerary-- ticket sales cut off 4 hours before the stream but much more interestingly, don't reopen (for the 28 hours of rewatch) until TWO HOURS after the start time. While they could (probably should) be allowing time for technical difficulties I much prefer to believe it's because we're getting a LONG SHOW YES PLEASE! I like my Louis shows like I like his hair, as long as he can possibly manage!! So that's plenty that we DO know to be excited about at the moment but the mystery of Louis new label also remains a hot topic nonetheless, with the known high cost of a twitter emoji stirring questions of who footed the bill (not something we're ever likely to find out sadly). If his team really understood us in the least they'd set up a viral video style Q and A where every Q pulled out of the bowl was an intensely detailed bookkeeping or promo strategy type query- tbh the faces Louis (or any one of the boys) would make would be 100x more entertaining than they get from any tired trying-to-be-cheeky standard Q and the answers sure would be!

Harry's prerecorded (months ago!) Jingle Ball performance aired at last and OH MY GOSH! SO GOOD! I think we can all agree (I know right?? I can't believe it either) that the backing band, Free Nationals, were phenomenal, and Harry's performance was terrific, just simply next level versions of the songs and Harry's sound in general. What more could we ask? For me, not much. For the Jingle Bell Ball organizers, well, they might have liked something Christmassy I suppose, maybe a holiday cover song, or a “tour of his home and holiday traditions.” LOL too bad! Whatever, they DID get vocal variations all over the place and oh did they work, a little lyric change in Golden (“I'm hoping someday I'll open”?), Harry in a sunny LA backyard (whose? who knows!) and everyone in not remotely festive Gucci. There were some decorations though! Not xmassy though- they were, can you guess, yes that's right: sky blue. And there was TRUMPET! A horn section, like revenge, is best served cold apparently: all these years on we can only assume Julian Bulian is good and sorry for denying Harry his trumpets cause DAMN did that sound GOOD. Julian may not say it but I will: you were SO RIGHT Harry, trumpets on every song!! Please! In fact, if you just took that guy on tour with you... or any of those people really? He can just have a really BIG backing band how about, then we won't have to argue about whether wanting this to be his band is mean to the old band. Anyway I hope the fan who ran into him in LA this morning told him how much we liked the show-- she did take a distanced pic, Harry is in his running gear (mostly black but bright fruity shoes) and holding a beverage. Oh yeah and Fine Line is now available to stream in “3D audio” (there's a moving in a New Direction from 1D joke in here headline writers, have at it) which is something that apparently only works with an Amazon device and is strange because physicists assure me that all sound is 3D, but what do they know. Anyway I'm sure it sounds great to those who can access it but luckily for me the album sounds great in plebian unbranded sound as well.

In the wake of Liam's no-show livestream yesterday fans are full of theories about what could be going on to cause such a thing, except actually it's only one theory; everyone is quick to ascribe the glitch to management struggles. May I simply say: there are so very very many things that could be happening in a person's life, even in a 1D member's life, that could cause a missed event and reducing any of them to 1 Dimensional figures who only have work related problems does them (and rigorous theorizing) a disservice. I hope we can all agree on wanting what's best for Liam, and that that extends to supporting him even if things are going on that are less glamorous than management villainy. I will ascribe one thing to management though-- I do believe the guys do the bulk of their own tweeting etc nearly always, but @Liam's tweet that yesterday's live didn't happen due to “technical difficulties” and they are “looking to reschedule” is one that I will make the exception for, sometimes you can just feel the PR person behind the screen! Tik Tok said it was rescheduled for next Tuesday, but the tweet was after that sooo hmm. The Billboard article about Veeps of course also talked about Liam (his Halloween show had 3.7 BILLION chat messages my god) and Liam's prerecorded alarm content today is Roman teaching Liam to do a Harry impression. How come when Roman does it it sounds like Harry but when Liam does it he sounds like Roman? Tip to Liam, just call it a Roman impression and you've GOT it!

Meanwhile, Lewis Capaldi weighs in on Niall and whether he (Lewis) enjoys golf with uncharaceristic delicacy; “we have different interests,” he says, and he sympathizes with a fan who said they'd slap him to meet Harry: “I understand.”

[nicknellie]

Anonymous requested: It would be really cool if you could do a library AU! Maybe one of them works at a library and they keep running into each other or something.

I have been unbelievably excited to write this one, I’m so happy I’ve finally got around to it! This is where my mind went as soon as I read the prompt, I really hope you enjoy it! (If anyone wants to suggest a prompt for a part 2 I’d be more than happy to do that once I reopen requests.)

Featuring he/they Willie because I really need to include that headcanon in my writing more often. Willie’s pronouns alternate throughout.

Books on Boards

Usually it was Reggie whose excuses began with “In my defence…”

“In my defence, I couldn’t see where I was going… In my defence, I forgot water and electricity don’t mix… In my defence, if Luke didn’t want to be shot with a Nerf gun then he shouldn’t have been standing in my way…”

Sometimes it was Luke.

“In my defence, no one told me not to… In my defence, I didn’t realise it could go this horribly wrong… In my defence, I did try to do it properly and I don’t know how it blew up…”

On rare occasion, it was Julie.

“In my defence, I was a little lost in my own head… In my defence, I’m terrible at comebacks… In my defence, I have an extremely annoying boyfriend and he was trying to talk to me about our new setlist the whole time which was very distracting…”

But it was never Alex.

Until now.

“In my defence,” Alex began, raising a hand and talking over Julie, Luke, and Reggie’s shouts, “I have to go to the library a lot. I’m an English major and it’s where all the books are!”

“But you don’t need to be at the library for five hours a day,” Luke countered.

Alex sighed. He had a point, and Alex had no excuse this time. Well, that wasn’t strictly true – his excuse was an adorable library assistant who just so happened to be very friendly to Alex and, by some miracle, worked whenever Alex needed to study. But he couldn’t just admit that to his friends, each of whom was staring at him with flat disbelief.

The assistant’s name was Willie and he was simply wonderful. The first time Alex had met him had been right at the start of his first semester – he had never been to the university’s library before and it was bigger than the one at Alexandria, so he was unbelievably lost. Alex had half-convinced himself that he would be stuck there forever, doomed to wander between the shelves looking for the section he needed, eventually becoming a ghost and haunting the place, still trying to locate his books.

Enter Willie. They had scared Alex half to death – in Alex’s defence, he hadn’t expected to be knocked off his feet by someone on a skateboard in the middle of a library the size of Buckingham Palace. And yet, he had landed on the floor, flat on his face and winded, understandably startled. As he scrambled to his feet, he heard his assailant exclaim, “Aw… you dinged my board!”

Alex had started to berate him but stopped in his tracks when he looked at the guy and realised that he had been knocked to the floor by a literal angel. His long dark hair was majestically swept to one side and tucked behind his ear, his soft eyes were sparkling, and he had a lopsided smile on his face despite the fact that Alex had been shouting at him just a second earlier (well, whisper-shouting at him – they were in a library, after all).

“Sorry,” they had said, picking up their board. “I didn’t see you there. Books were in the way.” He had pointed to a heap of books now strewn across the floor, some splayed open, some with ripped pages. Alex realised that he had been carrying the books stacked up in front of him, skating along with them.

“Oh!” Alex exclaimed, bending down to help pick the books up. “No, sorry, it’s fine. I was just stood there. I’m a little lost, no problem, my fault.”

Together they had stacked the books back up, and Willie heaved the stack onto a nearby table before introducing himself. Alex did the same, shaking Willie’s hand and trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach – he couldn’t let himself get distracted by a cute guy with a skateboard, not while he still had all his books to find in the labyrinthine library.

“So,” Willie had said conversationally, leaning back against the table. “You said you were lost? Anything specific you need to find?”

Alex dug around in his fanny pack before pulling out the list he’d scribbled down. “Yeah, all of these. Do you know where they are?”

“I’d be a pretty terrible librarian if I didn’t,” Willie chuckled. At Alex’s bewildered look, he had raised an eyebrow and said, “I’m not a terrible librarian. I’m actually really good at it. I mean, I don’t usually knock over customers, but these things happen.”

“Oh,” Alex said, clocking on too late. It made sense – of course that was why Willie had been carrying so many books, he was a librarian. Alex didn’t know how he hadn’t guessed before. “Right, I get it, because of the books and the… Right, okay. What about the, uh… the skateboard?”

Willie had picked up their board, smiled at it fondly. “It helps me get around faster. This place is huge, man, you don’t seriously expect me to walk around it all day? Anyway, come with me, I’ll take you to those books.”

That had been five weeks ago.

It wasn’t Alex’s fault that Willie was incredibly cute. It wasn’t Alex’s fault that Willie’s shifts happened to perfectly align with his studying time. But he couldn’t deny that it was his fault that he had stayed there for hours on end every day since, talking to Willie about everything and nothing. And it was also his fault that he had done that very same thing today, checked his watch and seen that he was an hour late for band practise, and kept talking to Willie anyway.

Usually, Alex thought about consequences, but he had been having so much fun talking to Willie that day that he hadn’t considered them. Now those consequences had caught up with him in the form of one very angry rock band.

“Alex,” Luke said imploringly, “you’ve got to get your head in the game! We have a load of gigs coming up, really important ones–”

“We do?” Reggie interrupted, looking baffled. “I thought we’ve got that one at the old folks’ home and then that’s it for, like, a month?”

Luke waved him away. “That’s not the point. These gigs are just as important as any big ones. Dude, we’ve got to build up our repertoire so that we can start playing bigger venues, but that’s not going to happen if our drummer is too caught up in his studies!”

Alex inwardly sighed with relief. At least Luke thought the reason he was staying at the library so often was because he was working hard, not because he was talking to Willie. He would have preferred his tiny little crush on Willie stayed secret for a little longer; whenever Luke found out that Alex or Reggie liked someone, he became unbearable.

Unfortunately, it seemed as if Julie had other ideas.

She huffed an incredulous laugh, saying, “You seriously think he’s staying late because he’s studying?”

Luke nodded, confused, as Reggie gestured to Alex and said, “Of course he is, what other reason could there be?”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed, nodding. He knew that the hitch in his voice was unconvincing – in his defence, he’d never been a good liar. “What other reason could there be?”

Julie raised a challenging eyebrow, but the smirk on her face told Alex that she knew she had already won. “Alex, can I just ask, who was working at the library today?”

Alex cleared his throat and tried for nonchalance when he said, “Willie.”

“You mean the good-looking skater-boy history major, right?” Julie said slyly.

Alex shrugged. “Yeah. I guess he is those things.”

Julie nodded slowly. Luke and Reggie were watching the interaction carefully, though it didn’t seem like the realisation had dawned on either of them yet.

“And who was working last Friday when you didn’t arrive back here until almost ten p.m.?” Julie asked.

“Willie,” Alex said under his breath, avoiding eye contact.

“Right,” Julie replied. “And what about Tuesday when you missed three lectures and were smiling too much to even care about how much that’ll drop your grade?”

Alex scowled and didn’t say anything. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know the answer, and judging by the ‘O’ shape Reggie’s mouth was making and the wide grin that had made itself at home on Luke’s face, they had figured it out too.

“Bro,” Luke said excitedly, “you’ve got a crush on Willie!”

“No,” Alex spluttered, “no, I do not. We just happen to get on really well and he’s always working when I need to study.”

“But he is the reason you’re always there, isn’t he?” Reggie prompted.

Alex shrugged. “I guess,” he mumbled.

Luke leapt up, clamped his hands onto Alex’s shoulders and jumped up and down like an over-excited puppy. The ecstatic smile on Luke’s face didn’t quite make up for how annoying it was.

“Dude,” he said emphatically, “you’ve gotta ask him out!”

“Don’t be silly,” Alex said, shaking his head, “it’s not like that.”

“It’s like that,” Julie, Luke and Reggie chorused. Alex just rolled his eyes.

“Look, Alex,” Julie said. He looked past Luke to her, but only because in situations like this she tended to be the voice of reason. “I actually agree with Luke.”

Apparently, that day she was taking a break from being the voice of reason.

Alex opened his mouth to protest, but Julie interrupted him. “Hear me out. No matter what you say, you’re clearly head over heels for this guy. And it is distracting you – we’re two hours into rehearsal and you haven’t even set up your kit. If you ask him out and he says yes then you can hang out with him at other times as boyfriends, not when you’re meant to be spending time with us. If he says no, you can get him out of your mind and move on, getting your mind back on the band. What’s the worst that can happen?”

Again, Alex tried to respond, but this time Reggie and Luke both yelled over him.

“No!” Reggie shouted. “We agreed never to ask him that question again!”

“Have you forgotten last time?” Luke questioned furiously. “That was the longest three hours of my life!”

Julie held her hands up. “Sorry, sorry, it slipped my mind.”

“Okay,” Alex said, ignoring them and deciding to get the conversation back on track. “Even if I did do that, there’s so many things that could go wrong. I don’t know if he’s into guys, and if he says no for any reason at all then I can never go back to the library.”

Luke shook his head. “Dude, Willie’s the head of the university’s LGBTQ+ Society and he introduces himself as ‘Willie, he/they, gay’ at the start of each session.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve been a couple of times. Hey, wait, we should all go, it’s actually super chill and–”

“It sounds great, Luke, but we’ll talk about it later,” Julie said, easily calming him as he started getting over-excited again. “Right now we have other things to focus on. Alex, if Luke’s right then Willie is definitely into guys. And from the way you’ve gushed about him and your conversations without realising it, I’d say he definitely has a thing for you. And he seems cool – I’m sure even if he said no then he’d act completely normally around you.”

“Yeah,” Reggie agreed, “the guy doesn’t find anything awkward. Last week I was looking through a book for my psychology class and just as I flicked to a… questionable page, he came up behind me. He just laughed it off and then offered to sign it out for me once I was done looking through it.”

Alex thought about it for a moment. It sounded too good to be true. Luke said that Willie was into guys, Julie said they might like Alex, Reggie said that they’d be cool with it no matter what… Good things like this didn’t happen to Alex too often.

“I’ll think about it,” he said. The others sighed, Reggie throwing up his hands with exasperation. “I will! I’ll think. But we should get to rehearsing.”

Almost two and a half hours later than they should have, the band finally set up their instruments and Alex counted them in.

*

He was at the library. Again. He was always at the library these days, just this time he really did need to be working. He had a big assessment coming up and needed to cram some last-minute studying in.

It would have been a lot easier if he hadn’t been trying to avoid Willie the entire time.

In Alex’s defence, it felt like the most reasonable option. Sure, he could see Willie and ask him out, but if Willie rejected him then he wasn’t sure he’d ever live it down despite his friends’ reassurances. He could have seen Willie and not asked him out, but then he’d be living in constant wonder of what could happen. So he had elected to do the sensible thing and just not see them at all.

It had been going well for the most part. His legs were beginning to ache from springing himself behind bookcases whenever he caught a glimpse of Willie, but it was worth it. Besides – he needed to focus, and an angelic librarian wasn’t about to help him do that.

He made his fatal error when trying to exit the library.

He had been so caught up in scanning the surrounding area for Willie that he hadn’t been looking ahead, or down at the floor. He heard the shout of, “Watch out!” too late.

Alex stepped forward, his foot landed on a skateboard, and he was sent flying down to the ground, landing hard on his coccyx. Pain shot up his back and he let out an agonised groan which earned him a “Shhhh!” from a tired-looking student sat at the nearest table.

“Alex,” came the same voice who had shouted the warning, the voice Alex now recognised as Willie’s. So much for avoiding him. Willie came and crouched down beside Alex where he was still laying on the floor, leaning over him, looking concerned. “Hey, Alex, you alright? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left my board lying there, I was only restocking that shelf.”

Groaning, Alex eased himself into a sitting position. Willie sat back, still looking worried.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Alex lied. His coccyx was killing him. “It’s fine. I won’t sue or demand you get fired or anything.”

Willie chuckled lightly and then held out his hand. Alex took it automatically and was a little startled when Willie began pulling him to his feet – maybe it was the shock, but he had thought the hand holding was them simply having a moment. But no, of course it was too good to be true. Willie let go of his hand the moment they were both stood and then bent to pick up his board.

“I hadn’t seen you,” Willie said. “Where’ve you been hiding?”

Alex shrugged. “Oh, nowhere. Just… doing my English work. In the quiet area.”

Nodding, Willie replied with something that made Alex’s blood run cold.

“That’s cool. It’s just that I was just talking to Luke a minute ago and he said there was something you wanted to ask me?”

Eyes wide, jaw open in shock, Alex looked behind Willie to where they had pointed. Sure enough, standing by the end of a nearby bookcase with his nose in a book (which he was clearly not reading because it was upside down) was Luke. He gave Alex a nervous wave when he saw him looking.

Trying not to sound murderous, Alex said, “Yeah. There was something.”

He realised too late that hadn’t been what he was planning to say.

“Yeah? What is it?” Willie asked with a smile.

Alex’s eyes darted from Willie to Luke and back again, then up to the ceiling and around the library for inspiration, and then they landed on his own wrist and the rainbow bracelet wrapped around it.

“I – well, we, me and my friends – we were wondering if there would be any space for us to join the LGBTQ+ Society. Luke mentioned you’re the head so I figured there’s no one better to ask than you. Right?”

Willie blinked, face faltering for just a moment. Alex tried not to panic – had he said the wrong thing, had he somehow offended Willie? But the look was gone quick enough for Alex to convince himself he’d imagined it, replaced by his radiant smile.

“Yeah, the more the merrier,” he said. But then he cleared his throat and added, “You’re sure that’s it?”

Swallowing nervously, Alex cast another glance to Luke who had given up the pretence of reading and was now urgently gesturing at Willie, making kissy faces, and mouthing words Alex couldn’t understand – but he got the message.

“Okay, no, there was one more thing,” he said quietly.

Willie tucked his hair behind his ear and Alex’s eyes caught momentarily on his earring.

“I was wondering,” he began, slow but steady, “if you would… by any chance… And you can say no, I won’t be offended! It’s just, I would really like to go on a date with you. And if you would like to go on a date with me then I think we should. Do that. Go on a date. Together. If you want?”

As awkward as it felt, Alex maintained eye contact – he was glad he did, because a moment later Willie’s face split in a beautiful grin that didn’t look mocking or apologetic, it looked genuinely happy.

“Yes,” Willie said, laughing quietly. “Yes, I do want that.”

Alex sighed with relief. “Thank god. I’m going to kill Luke.”

“Don’t,” Willie said, shaking his head. “I can’t have you getting arrested before I get to go on a date with you.”

“What about after the date?” Alex joked.

“Yeah, man, that’s fine.” Willie laughed but after a moment their expression softened. “I’m really glad you asked. I was going to, but I wasn’t sure if you’d say yes.”

Alex scratched at the back of his head. “Yeah. That’s the same reason it took me so long to do the actual asking.”

“Well,” said Willie, “that doesn’t matter now. Does Friday work for you?”

Alex’s only form of a social life was hanging out with the band, and his plans for Friday consisted largely of sitting in his and Reggie’s shared dorm room, eating cold pizza and watching reruns of Friends.

“Yeah,” he said coolly, “I can probably make it work. Might have to reschedule some stuff, but it’ll be worth it.”

Clearly not believing him but polite enough not to call him out, Willie laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. “Great. My shift finishes at five that day, I’ll let you be a gentleman and pick me up. I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll catch you then, Alex.”

“See you,” Alex said.

Willie walked away and was seamlessly replaced by Luke, who gripped Alex’s arms and shook him up and down. “Bro! You got a date with Willie! You can thank me later.”

Alex left the library, Luke trailing behind him. “I’m not thanking you,” he said, fighting a smile.

“Why not? I got him to come talk to you!”

“You didn’t ask him out, I did that. There’s nothing to thank you for.”

“That is where you’re very much wrong because…”

As Luke went on for a solid ten minutes about why Alex and Willie finally agreeing to go on a date was actually all down to him, Alex zoned out and let himself be happy. He had a date with Willie, the angelic librarian, the good-looking skater-boy history major. He couldn’t believe his luck.

When they arrived back at the studio, Julie smirked and said, “You’re grinning like an idiot, Alex.”

“In my defence,” he returned, “I'm going on a date with Willie.”

[serenasoutherlyns]

Not a Summer Crush Part Seven

a/n: It's heeeeere! The night before my classes start for the fall. There's a timeskip from the previous part-- Caroline, Alex, and Casey have all been together for about a month and it's the transition between fall and summer. This one features fighting and humor and lots of Jack McCoy. Any and all feedback makes my world!

Part Seven

The weeks passed in late nights spent in the same office, in morning lattes and afternoon runs (that often ended in the kinds of showers that don’t save water, with the almost frantic pulling off of clingy clothing, with breathy “god yes”-es and rushing to the door when either of you heard Alex’s key in the lock). Jack McCoy noted with pride how efficient it appeared your bureau had become since the summer started.

It was important to maintain a good amount of discretion. As progressive as the world may be becoming, you knew that the DA’s office had to keep up appearances; that it wouldn’t be good for you, and Jack (and, by extension, you again) for the media to get wind of your relationship. Besides, you wanted to keep it personal, special.

But oh. The thrill of the honeymoon phase is so irresistible.

A Friday night, one where the air began to have the kind of bite that previewed the coming fall, found you and Alex together in a candlelit restaurant waiting for Casey to join you. You had some sense, choosing a place not normally frequented by the Hogan Place set, in the opposite direction from your apartment. You set your glass of wine beside Alex’s and took her hand in yours, above the table this time. You couldn't resist leaning in, kissing her softly.

“Caroline,” she said as you pulled away, smiling at you with the same look you’d first seen months ago, that you hadn’t known was what it was until you’d seen it over and over as she pulled you tighter into her arms.

“Alex,” you said, enticingly, all but batting your eyelashes. She ran her fingers along yours in apology. “I know,” you said, placing your hands back on the table, leaning back against the booth seat. “We could always meet Casey when she gets to your place,” you said, looking at your phone. “Except she’s almost here.”

Alex laughed lightly. “You’re insatiable,” she scolded you, teasingly. You shrugged, knowing it was accurate. “And I’m hungry.” She picked up her menu.

Across the room, around the corner, sitting at a single table, Jack McCoy returned his focus to his book, trying to convince himself he hadn’t seen what he thought he did.

---

Jack was on high alert at the office. He had been too far away, he couldn’t be sure. And it was such an out of the way place-- he went there when he didn’t want every law student and defense attorney on the island to vie for a piece of his ear. So it couldn’t’ve been them, Jack thought. Who am I kidding? That’s exactly the kind of place they’d go. After all-- Jack knew from affairs.

He wouldn’t have expected this of Alex Cabot, knowing how in love she and Casey were. Though, now he considered the possibility, the two of you seemed to gravitate towards one another in a characteristic way. He remembered seeing her hand linger on your shoulder a beat too long in the courthouse hallway.

Who knows, he’d always expected Mike and Connie would go for it one day, and they still hadn’t. When Erika Keller and Anna Mikhailova had filed their disclosure he could’ve sworn he’d needed to get his eyes checked, having heard the way the two of them could argue. Maybe he wasn’t the best judge of things. Because I’m looking for myself in other people. He leaned in his chair. He’d do the introspection later. For now, he’d do what he could to keep one of his bureau chiefs out of a public scandal. Besides, they were too far away. It could’ve been anybody’s curls bouncing in laughter, could’ve been anyone’s impeccable posture. He hoped.

He made a point that Monday around noon to personally stop by the junior office on your floor, but found only Nick Anderson (who, he remembered, he needed to talk to about a possible change of bureaus) with his head buried in a journal.

“Mr. McCoy,” he said as soon as he realized he wasn’t alone, snapping the book shut harder than he needed to. “What can I do for you?”

“Hi, Nick,” Jack said, a little disappointed that he’d roused the guy from what was clearly riveting reading. “I was just looking for Caroline.”

Anderson’s face fell. Evidently, he was used to that line of inquiry. Poor guy. McCoy remembered the days when he’d given the least helpful junior ADAs piles of nothing to keep them out of his hair. No obvious changes, Jack noticed as he looked around your side of the office. No notes or photos or out-of-the-ordinary gifts. Though, someone needs to show this woman the value of an organized space, he thought. It’d be hard to notice anything among the pile of papers.

“Mr. McCoy?” he heard Anderson say.

“Yeah?” he replied, somewhat irritated.

“Oh um,” he said, what little confidence he had faltering. “I just said she was in Ms. Cabot’s office, sir.”

Jack’s stomach dropped. That may as well be “step one” in the old Jack McCoy playbook, get her in your space as often as possible. Oh come on, Jack. She’s her boss. They’re probably going over witness statements. Right. And how many witness statements did Sally and I review together while I was still going home to Ellen? He swallowed. “Thank you. And you don’t need to ‘sir’ me anymore. You’ve earned your desk.”

“Yes s-- got it, Mr. McCoy.” Anderson returned to his book. Jack continued down the hall.

---

“You really think she’s being honest?” Alex’s question was audible through her slightly-open door.

“She’s our witness!” you said, matching her tone. Somehow, the mood in the office was light even in your disagreement.

“Witnesses lie,” Jack said, surprising the both of you as he nudged his way in the room.

“When it’s in their best interest,” you said, acknowledging him with a nod in his direction. Jack liked how you didn’t let etiquette get in the way of your arguments. “Alex,” you said, pointing your gaze at her. I know that look. “What good does it do her to lie about who she was with?”

Alex fired right back at you, not bringing McCoy into the conversation. “She avoids embarrassment? Guilt? Fear? I’m not putting her on the stand unless we can verify her testimony.”

“Then we’re looking at an acquittal,” you said dryly.

“Because I won’t suborn perjury? O ye of little faith,” Alex responded. Jack caught a playful lilt in her voice. He was liking this less and less with each piece of evidence he uncovered.

“Do you know for certain she’s lying?” Jack said, breaking the intensity in the room.

“No, but--” Alex said.

“Exactly--” you said at the same time.

“Are you certain she’s telling the truth?” He asked. “This is People v Buckman?” he clarified. Alex nodded. You pushed an offending curl out of your eyes. “I would probably put her on the stand,” you smirked, “and when defense -it’s Elsie Campbell, right?- I’d have no recourse when defense tears her story to pieces.” You shrugged, never minding being the first to concede defeat.

“I’ll see if Detective Rollins is up for a coffee break,” you said, grabbing your phone and attache, but, Jack noticed, leaving your cardigan hanging on the extra hook. “Sometimes I wish I’d stayed in California,” you said, “reciprocal discovery would be pretty sweet.”

“Ouch,” Alex said as you walked out of the office. You waved a hand over your shoulder.

“Did you need something, Jack?” Alex asked, glad she’d known him long enough to be casual.

“Nothing,” he lied, and when she looked puzzled, said, “I was actually checking on the Buckman case.”

“I’m in no need of supervision,” Alex said under her breath. “Anything else I can clarify for you?”

Tell me I’m wrong about this, he thought. “No,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve got it under control.”

---

Of course, if Jack McCoy had been a more athletically inclined man, he may have run into you and Casey in the park two days before the restaurant, cooling down from the 5 and a half miles you’d done. He may have seen you tug on the hem of Casey’s tank top, seen her whisper something in your ear that made you blush and laugh, he may have caught the split second her lips met your jawline, seen the two of you heading off for the subway together.

And if he’d seen that first he may have tried to convince himself that it was another red ponytail and another person’s graceful lines. That there were so many people who jogged in that park, that it couldn't have been you.

He would’ve made a point to stop by the juniors’ office, maybe earlier in the day. Nick Anderson would’ve told him you were in Casey’s office and his stomach would’ve dropped. That may as well be “step one” in the old Jack McCoy playbook, get her in your space as often as possible. Oh come on, Jack. She’s her boss. They’re probably preparing for an admissibility hearing. He’d remind himself to schedule a meeting with Anderson for the end of the week.

He’d continue down the hall to find you and Casey sitting together, wordlessly handing one another documents highlighted in different colors. He’d remember the last time he was that in sync with an assistant and an undeniable flutter of recognition would’ve hit him.

But he hadn’t been in the park.

---

Your phone buzzed on the counter. You dried your hands quickly on the dishtowel, you turned off the tap. In the living room, Ashley was gathering the toys and books scattered about. Ramin was late at the office.

1 new message from: Alex to: you, Casey:

Alex: I just had quite the meeting with Jack.

---

“You wanted to see me, Jack?” Alex said, entering his office after most of the lawyers had gone home or

retreated to their own offices for the night.

“Actually, I’d really rather I didn’t need to,” he said. Alex’s concern showed on her face.

“Is this about the Buckman case? I know it’s going to be extra time to look into her statement,

but I really think this could be a break in the case, if she’s telling the truth or lying, so I thought it was justified. I could probably still make the argument without her, but it feels worth it--”

“No, the case is fine. Besides, it’s your case. I-- Alex we need to talk about… it’s maybe a more personal issue,” Jack said, shifting his hands’ position on the desk in front of him.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Are you speaking as my boss or as my friend?” Jack melted, remembering that they were friends, and that he could approach the topic as a friend. Though, usually, he wouldn’t have to confront a friend about their romantic life. Or if he did, it wouldn’t have professional repercussions. Electoral repercussions, he heard a younger, more emotional version of himself say to Adam Schiff 20 years ago. Sorry, Adam.

“Both, I hope, now that you mention it.”

Alex paused a moment, considering what to say. She had an idea what Jack was getting at, but no idea how he had come to that conclusion. He probably has some kind of sixth sense, she thought. “Start as my boss.”

Jack took a deep breath. “OK. I’ll tell you something Adam Schiff told me when I was in your position,”

Alex felt the need to stop him, to find out exactly what he thought he knew. “Wait. Before you reprimand me. What position am I in? What do you think I’m doing?”

“Jesus, Alex. What do you think you’re doing?” he asked. She didn’t answer him. “You’re having an affair with Caroline Haley.” He wasn’t asking her a question, and the disappointment in his voice was wounding. Alex took a deep breath. “You’re not going to deny it?”

“What makes you think we’re having an affair?” She was determined to out-wit him, get him to show her all his evidence before letting go of anything he was unaware of. Under New York law it is the prosecution’s responsibility to disclose any exculpatory evidence, she thought. And a lawyer who represents herself still has a fool for a client.

Jack looked at her blankly. Was she really going to make him spell it out? Well, he’d missed presenting cases. “I’ve noticed that she spends a lot more time in your office than her own,” he started. Alex’s poker face remained unchanged. “Your conversational style is, quite, amiable, ah,”

She couldn’t suppress a smile, then, biting back a laugh. “My apologies,” she said. “All you have as proof of this alleged affair is friendly conversation and spending time together?”

Jack tried to play into her humor. “I’ll remind you Ms. Novak Cabot,” he said, using her married name to see if it got a reaction (no luck), “that adultery is still a class B misdemeanor in the state of New York.”

Alex snatched that opportunity. He opened the door, your honor. “And how many three-month stays do you owe the good people of New York, Mr. McCoy?” He looked caught-out. The upper hand was hers. “Are you sure you’re not just seeing your old habits?”

“You know, it’s funny you should say that. Because after this coming election, I was going to ask you to be my EADA. But you know I can’t do that if there is even the slightest appearance of impropriety.”

“So this is about election results? You and I both know my patience for politics is--”

“Limited, yes. But don’t tell me you’re not the slightest bit interested.”

“I’d have to think about it, Jack,” she said honestly. It seemed to surprise him, which didn’t surprise her. He seemed to forget, often, that she’d arguably done much more important work (and he seemed to forget that Tracey Kibre had turned down the same position more than once, that some people enjoyed seeing their partners and the insides of their apartments every once in a while). “But that’s not why you wanted to talk to me, and you’ve yet to convince me that you have any idea about any affair.”

“Where were you last Friday evening?” Jack asked her, in full cross-examination confidence.

Alex flinched, her first misstep since she’d come in. She wasn’t going to out-right lie to him if disguising the truth would do. However he knew this (if he knew anything), she had no way of knowing how much he knew. “I had dinner with Caroline at a restaurant near her apartment in Brooklyn.”

“A working dinner?”

“I can’t be friends with my colleague?”

“Trilogy isn’t a particularly platonic place as far as I know,”

“You spied on me outside of work?”

“I happened to be there,” Jack said. Alex rolled her shoulders back, trying to let go of some of the anger she had at what felt like an invasion of her privacy, even if it had been public. “I saw her kiss you, Alex. I know.” Alex didn’t answer him. Jack, uncomfortable with the silence, said “I really do understand. I sympathize with what you’re going through, I know it isn’t easy.”

Her frustration gathered itself in her cold fingertips that she realized were gripping the arms of her chair, hard. “Actually, you don’t understand,” she said, quietly, as politely as she could. “You have an incomplete picture of the nature of our relationship.” Jack opened his mouth to argue. “I won’t say any more,” Alex said, certain, “except that Caroline has done absolutely nothing wrong, and if you go after her about any of this, you will have my resignation.” Jack nodded.

“You understand how something like this could look to the public? You understand that your position is at stake?”

“I understand.”

“I mean, just the power dynamic alone, disregarding the infidelity, and I hate to say it, but you know how rampant homophobia still is.” She clenched her jaw, but she didn’t look guilty.

“I know. Now, I’d like you to be my friend for a moment,” she said. “Please.”

He smiled weakly.

“As your friend, I’d tell you not to cheat on your wife,” Jack said. Alex looked serene.

“I won’t,” she said, rising from her seat. “Goodnight, Jack.” She left faster than he could return the sentiment. He’d hoped he had more comforting things to say. And he wanted to know what on earth she’d meant by “the nature” of their relationship. He trusted she’d take extra care now that she knew he knew. It was not going to be a fun secret to keep.

---

She didn’t tell you what the meeting was about, so you knew it couldn’t have gone well. Quite the meeting. You hoped it wasn’t what you thought it was. You said you’d be there soon. You moved through the apartment quickly, leaving the last of the dishes in the sink, snagging your keys off the hook, tossing them along with your phone into your backpack.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Ashley asked. You knew he’d been looking forward to catching up on episodes of The Bachelor, and you did hate to disappoint him. You looked up from tying your shoes.

“Alex and Casey’s,” you said. His shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you.” He rolled his eyes. “What?” you asked. “You can watch without me, you know, I don’t mind.”

“I don’t care about the show,” he said, returning to his tidying.

You stood up, crossing your arms. “Something you want to say?” He shrugged.

“No, no. Go have fun,” he said.

“I don’t think it’s going to be a whole lot of fun,” you said, trying to keep the worry buried. “Alex texted, she said that Jack had called her into his office this evening over something.”

“That surprises you?” Ashley said, his voice high-pitched.

You looked at him with your eyes wide. “I’m sorry?” you said, resisting the urge to raise your voice.

“What did you think was going to happen, Caroline?” he said, with a patronizing look that made your stomach turn.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” you said. Two could play at passive aggression.

Ashley laughed bitterly. “I mean, did you not think twice before risking your job, everything you’ve worked towards to be what, the third wheel in a relationship that existed far before you came across it?”

“Ashley,” you warned him.

“I thought you were trying to work on the self-sabotage, I mean, you’ve never even been in a relationship before,”

“That’s not exactly true,” you said. You were starting to feel nauseous. He knew you well enough to know that he was pushing right on all your insecurities.

“That lasted more than a couple months, then, which is hardly anything.”

“I think we’ve gone over that a couple times-- Just because you’re so morally invested in monogamy doesn’t mean it’s for everyone--”

“You really want to be the girl who sleeps with the boss? No, sorry, the girl who sleeps with both of the bosses?”

“It’s-- wow. Tell me how you really feel.”

It was quiet for a moment as the two of you dared the other person to talk first.

“I just don’t think you’re making the best decision,” he said.

“I thought you were happy for me,” you replied, and walked out the door.

---

You didn’t usually ride your bike after dark. It felt right, though, as you went, releasing your nervous (and sad, and angry) energy out through the pedals. Your arms came up in goosebumps, from the chill in the air or the trepidation in your spine. It started to rain.

---

You and Alex arrived almost simultaneously. She was accepting a cup of tea that Casey was offering her when you came in. You were a walking cliché with your hair stuck to the side of your face, shivering. “Hi,” you said, shakily. You hadn’t quite been crying. The insecure part of you felt small, out of place, intrusive: they had this cozy, tidy, warm apartment, mugs of hot tea in their hands; and you were shattering it with the chaos that followed in the wake of your personal life. You were being so selfish, so inconsiderate, bringing your own emotional baggage with you despite Alex being the one having a hard time. For a split second you thought about leaving with no explanation, dashing out almost as soon as you shut the door. Casey held up a mug for you. It was one of a matching set of three.

“Jack thinks we’re having an affair,” Alex said, matter-of-fact, as you slipped out of your shoes and made your way to the counter Casey was leaning against. Alex was pacing, slowly, how she often did when she was figuring something out. You took a sip of your tea, grateful for the warmth, then set it on the counter and rested your head on Casey’s shoulder. She jumped and you laughed, the relief spreading through you. She squirmed as you pressed closer, letting out a squeak at the feeling. You let her go, listening to the quiet creaking of the floor.

“Which us?” you asked, matching the seriousness of the subject again. “All of us?”

“Just you and I,” Alex said.

“How did he come to that conclusion?” Casey asked, knowing there were equal cases to be made for any combination.

Alex stopped moving, pushing herself up to sit on the counter opposite to you. “To begin, he was apparently at Trilogy last Friday night.” The goosebumps threatened to make a repeat appearance. This was your fault.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, your eyes lost in your teacup. “I was reckless.” Out of the corner of your eye, you felt Apollo the duck stare at you accusingly with the stone cold eyes he didn’t have.

“Don’t be sorry. I was there too,” Alex said, meeting your gaze as you looked up. “He didn’t stick around long enough to see Casey.”

“What did you end up telling him?” Casey asked, letting herself be the problem-solver for the night.

“Very little,” she said. “He doesn’t have the complete story. That he should hold off on any judgements unless and until he did.”

“Did it work?” you asked.

“Well enough, I think. You don’t need to worry about your job. I threatened him with my resignation if he said a word to you about it.” Your heart beat faster. Sacrifices for your sake, or the offer of them, made you uneasy.

“You don’t have to put your career on the line for me,” you said, the same shaky tone edging into your voice again. Alex blinked at you, like it was no big deal, like it was the obvious choice. Casey traced circles on your shoulder blade.

“Nobody’s career is at risk, Caroline,” Casey said. “Honestly, imagine the kind of headlines that would break if Jack McCoy fired someone for adultery.”

“I don’t know what’s worse,” Alex said, “Jack’s disapproval right now, or how he might react if we just told him what’s going on. He made it clear his objection had more to do with poll numbers than morality.” Ashley’s words echoed in your head. You really want to be the girl who sleeps with the boss-- both of the bosses? Your fear must have been more obvious than you intended. “What’s wrong?” Alex asked you.

You swallowed. “It’s nothing,” you said, stopping yourself from spilling every anxious thought that came to you. “I’m fine. It’ll be fine,” you said, a real smile making its way out of you. You held your hand out for Alex’s and squeezed. She slid off the counter, letting herself be pulled in, letting whatever you weren’t saying stay unsaid for that moment. She also jumped when she first felt your wet clothes against her skin.

“Now, let’s get you out of those wet clothes,” she said. Your mouth was open in amusement as she started off down the hall. You began to follow but Casey stopped you briefly, hooking her ring finger into your belt loop.

“Whatever he said, it isn’t true,” she said, starting to run her warm hands underneath your shirt.

“How did you,” you said, feeling seen. “I didn’t say anything about it.”

“Give me some credit,” she said then kissed you gently, her body warming yours. “I’m very perceptive.” She gripped the bunched-up body of your t-shirt and you slipped your head through the top. Casey placed her palms against your ribs, holding you steady.

“Thank you,” you said, deep and low, as you kissed her again. The two of you, now almost equally damp, joined Alex. Six hands moved slowly, purposefully. Nothing felt desperate, fleeting. Only warmth filled you.

---

taglist: (I'm tagging a couple of my moots who aren’t on the taglist, let me know if you’d prefer I didn’t!)

@addictedtodinosaurs @nocreditinthestraightworld @cmmndrwidw @hi-i-1 @lesbianologist @readerhermit @@alexlivdoncas @laezzzi @imaginaryoperagloves (thank you for your help!!) @swimmingstudentchaos891

[queenmolina]

bobby was in the system 

i’m going into detail about how i imagine it just because that’s what anon asked me to do - if you think this might be upsetting then i advise you to stop reading here <3

i’m going to preempt this with some disclaimers

- i’m british so my pov of the system will be wrong, i’m not even going to try and translate it

- i’m not picking out sad/tragic things to be deliberately upsetting for the sake of an angsty backstory, this is just genuinely how i choose to imagine it happening 

- this is a compilation of my friend and i semi-projecting onto our shared comfort character. im more than happy to share this because i really like this take for bobby, but please be sensitive in any comments you might make in (more for other people’s sake - im comfortable to discuss any of the content)

bobby doesn’t remember his parents. he lived with them for a time and from what people have told him, they were a really happy family. his mom was a therapist and his dad was an author. there are photos of the two of them smiling happily at the camera - some even had a small, baby-faced bobby bouncing on their knee, though they called him robin. it’s on all of his certificates, all of the documents. his name is robin. it doesn’t feel right

when he’s three, bobby’s parents pass. he thinks it must have been some kind of accident - to take them both in one go - but he doesn’t get offered any explanation. he’s almost immediately fostered into a family but there’s so many kids there that it’s basically a foster home. he’s one of the youngest and is immediately babied by all of the older kids which is where he starts to be selective about physical affection/contact with other people

he stays there until he’s six. all of the kids there get moved about when their ‘parents’ (it’s what the kids were told to call them but it never really applied) decided they actually weren’t cut out to look after a dozen children and threw in the towel

six year olds are a bit middle of the range in terms of how quickly people foster/adopt them but bobby’s gained a bit of a reputation for being ‘tricky to manage’ because he’s so fussy - he’s not fussy, he just wants people to stop mollycoddling him and give him some peace and quiet. he stays in a foster home for a year until eventually a couple take him in. but it doesn’t last long - they say bobby acts out and all of a sudden he’s back on the front step with his shopping bag of possessions and they’re passing ‘robin’ back as though he’s a library book and not a child

from the ages of eight to twelve, he gets passed back and forth from one place to the next. some are better than others, obviously. there’s the malone’s where the only other kid is their 17 year old biological daughter who thankfully doesnt much care for ambushing bobby like some of the others had. there’s the harper’s where bobby’s surprised they even passed the social worker visit because the house is a tip - but the carers are nice and he has his own room. there’s the vegaro’s who he even allows himself to hug when he had to leave. the rest of them aren’t even worth remembering. they never lasts, even the nice ones always go wrong. he’s back in the foster home every time he begins to get settled

when he’s twelve, the rate at which he gets fostered slows again. he sidles along with the older kids who seem to have given up hope and spend their days causing trouble or sneaking out of the home just because they can. bobby doesn’t go with them for a few months - until he realises that it’s fine. no one will care if he disappears for a few hours. will they even care if he doesn’t come back at all?

on his thirteenth birthday, one of the carers helps him gather his stuff from his bunk and shove it all into a bag. he’s fed up of trying to find a real home so when a woman shows up to take him, he doesn’t even try for a smile

it’s his aunt. his biological family. she has the same soft features as his mother in the photos and the same dark, pin-straight hair. somehow it manages to hurt more when she wrinkles her nose at his attempts of a conversation

her husband is nice. jerry, his name is. a portly man with a receding hairline and a frequent habit for offering bobby a sip of his beer. he’s not related to bobby by blood but it’s nice to feel like someone’s on his side

his aunt hates him. she doesn’t say it out loud - not when bobby’s in the room - but he sees how she looks at him. he hears her arguing with jerry about him sometimes and saying nasty things about his mother too. she and jerry seem to fall out a lot

she leaves one day. and doesn’t come back.

for once, bobby doesn’t get sent back to the foster home. if anything, he feels more welcomed once his aunt had gone. he and jerry feel like family - a little strained but bobby thinks that must be how all families feel. they watch tv together and even share hobbies. jerry even bought him a guitar, something brand new and for bobby and not second hand. bobby was worried he would have to give it back when the time came for him to return to the home but that wasn’t something to worry about right now. he meets jerry’s friends and family and for once, bobby feel like he has a family of his own

this is also the longest he’s ever stayed at one school. he thinks he might be making friends (he can call them friends this time, they’re not allies. they’re friends)

when he’s fifteen, jerry passes. he hadn’t been very well, it had been getting worse. bobby had seen that it was coming and had half-packed a bag before it had even happened

his new friends from school come to the funeral and sit with him on the front row of pews. alex - who was a foot taller than the rest of them - cowers a little from all of the attention. luke pulls at his sleeves and collar, clearly uncomfortable in the fancy get up, but he offers a sad smile whenever bobby catches his eye. reggie isn’t sure what to make of the whole thing but he can see that bobby’s upset and their shoulders knock together whenever reggie wants to remind him he’s not alone. at one point, bobby even takes reggies hand in his. he would be embarrassed or uncomfortable at the contact except he’s lost his family and he’s probably going to lose his friends too

instead of going back to the group home, he’s asked to move in with jerry’s mother, althea

she has a pretty big house and a garage which she converts into a space for bobby to hang out. he’s still unused to having his own room so to have two feels a little overwhelming. he invites his friends over to fill the space and when luke asks to start a band, bobby allows him to convert the garage into a makeshift studio. althea doesn’t mind, in fact she encourages it.

bobby isn’t the best at putting his thoughts into words but he can put them into action so when the boys start having trouble at home, he makes one thing very clear: the studio is their home. the studio belongs to all of them and if they ever need a place to stay, they should stay here. this is their home, where they’re loved and looked after. bobby tells them this in fewer words but he hopes they understand

(he’s not sure why the boys are so upset about their home lives - bobby would do anything to be with his parents. that is until he sees alex stifling hot tears or luke choking up over his test results or reggie knocking on his bedroom window at two am, desperate to escape the noise. then he gets it)

luke moves in and bobby starts carting his dinners to the studio to eat. althea pretends not to notice that there’s another boys clothes in her laundry loads and just starts doubling bobby’s food portion to make sure they both get enough

then it goes wrong. and bobby loses another family.

althea teaches him things to keep him distracted. she shows him how to knit, teaches him more tagalog, more recipes. it does nothing to make him feel better but he could never tell her that. he’s grateful for every moment she spends with him. she didn’t owe him anything and yet she took him in. the least he could do is try to smile and forget about his boys for a moment. for her. 

she’s the one that encourages him to keep creating music, to make them a legacy they can be remembered by. it doesn’t work out that way in the end and she’s the only person that understands how the guilt weighs him down quite so much

years later, when he’s told that he’s going to be a father, his first thought is to run. he can barely cope with being responsible for himself, let alone another person. but it wasn’t his choice, she was going to have the baby. he was going to be a father

carrie is three when her mother leaves. it feels like another cruel twist of fate, like a knife in his gut. he always wondered when it would be his turn to go. he’s 29 and maybe he should’ve gone 26 years ago with his parents, or 14 years ago with jerry, or 12 years ago with his boys. but he would not let carrie have his struggles. so he cries to althea alone and puts on a brave face for his daughter