#he’s truly had a summer of self discovery

[sour-grape-s]

Wwdits fans at the end of s4: Nandor is a big dumb fuck with 0 emotional intelligence. He broke Guillermo’s heart and he’s on my shit list 😤

Wwdits fans at the end of s5: Nandor was the only one to figure out how to help Guillermo and he understood he wasn’t ready and gave him the choice because he loves him that much my big stupid clever son 😩🥺🥰

[buckets-and-trees]

Talk

Title: Talk Fandom: MCU Characters/Pairings: Pleasure Dom!Bucky x Female!Reader Word Count: 2k

Summary: He's ready to give you everything you want and things you don't even know you need yet.

Content/Concept Warnings: BDSM AU, discussion of BDSM themes, oral female receiving, praise kink, dirty talk, overstimulation, forced orgasm

Notes: TRIPLE THREAT SUBMISSION for @buckybarnesevents WEEK TWO of Hot Bucky Summer: "What Should I Call You?", my fourth square of @buckybarnesbingo K4 "Kink: Forced Orgasm, and my second square for Connect4 Alternate June-iverse: C2 "BDSM." Also, @biteofcherry, you totally called the BDSM vibes from that little last line tag game sentence I posted the other day - it was this, mwahaha!

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

You sat sideways on the couch, your arm draped over the back, legs tucked up comfortably beneath you. He mirrored your position, though with just one leg brought lazily up onto the couch, leaving his impressively thick thighs spread wide, teasing your fantasies.

Indulging fantasy was why you were there in the first place.

And you almost felt like this was any normal kind of Saturday afternoon with the new boyfriend you were eager to crawl into the lap of and be devoured by for the first time.

The setting fit – cozy living room of a sophisticated man’s apartment with leather furniture, modern art on the walls, small but sufficient kitchen, floor to ceiling windows along one side of the room that led to a private balcony, and a door that you knew would lead to the bedroom.

But it was just a little too tasteful to be real.

And he didn’t live here.

It was all designed to make you feel comfortable, an indulgent illusion of reality.

“You’re sure you’re not thirsty?” he asked.

He hadn’t offered anything alcoholic – strictly against policy so you were both sober – but you declined again with a shake of your head.

“Okay,” he said, “but remember it’s my role to make sure you always feel safe and taken care of, and that includes the small things like getting you a drink, and you can change your mind at any point. You’re not a burden. We are here for you and what you want.”

Warmth bloomed through your core – tinged with desire, but mostly just heat that was part comfort and part reticence. You had never taken such a bold measure of self-indulgence or self-care or self-discovery or whatever this could be called. It had taken almost two months for you to get from scoffing at the suggestion to sitting in the room on this couch across from the brunette Adonis who had said to call him Bucky (a nickname – you were asked to give a nickname as well when you registered and had gone with Rio).

“The last thing we should discuss, if you’re ready to move forward, is your safe word.”

“Brazil,” you responded without hesitation.

He smirked, but it was in no way unkind. “Rio and Brazil – I’m sensing a theme.”

“Another thing on the list of dreams to finally indulge,” the words tumbled out of your mouth.

“I hope that’s another thing you’ll choose to pursue.”

You laughed. “God, it’s so weird just how normal all this conversation feels. We just spoke at length about my kinks and limits and now I’m telling you my hopes and dreams. I’ve rarely shared this much of myself to anyone, and certainly not after only knowing them for less than an hour.”

“Well, part of that is that we all feel a little safer exposing ourselves to strangers because they’re not part of our routine,” Bucky said, “but there’s some trust that’s established by the mere act of us talking about your boundaries. It’s certainly a foundational part of the process. This only works when you feel comfortable with me, if you trust me – otherwise you cannot truly submit to me as your dominant in this arrangement.”

You nodded.

“Trust, strong communication – without them, there’s no way I can expect you to reasonably let go of your inhibitions either,” he soothed, moving his hand forward to brush his fingers over yours.

“The world of BDSM and kink is vast, but it shouldn’t be overwhelming. I never want you to feel like you’re an Alice who’s fallen down a rabbit hole and exposed to and expected to navigate the wonderland on your own.”

“I appreciate that. There’s…” you hesitated, but his rapt attention helped you feel like you could continue the thought on the tip of your tongue. “There’s a lot on the internet – a lot that I thought I knew about this stuff, but even just the registration and profile of preferences I had to fill out was pretty illuminating.”

After the basic registration you had been directed to complete an Experience and Curiosity Checklist that walked you through over 250 different activities and indicate whether you had tried it before or not, your pleasure during that activity if you had, and then a ranking of if you would like to try or do it in this setting – from never to need, if each activity was something you would entertain in a consensually forced situation, and if you would give, receive, or were up for both.

“Illuminating, huh?” Bucky grinned.

You felt just a touch of heat rise in your cheeks.

“You’re incredibly smart, and I like that,” he said, his grin turning to a softer smile. “That long and thorough profile? It’s the key to all of this – it’s not only for you, but also for me. I was matched to you ahead of anyone else on our staff. I’ve been preparing for you.”

“Like studying up?” you interjected.

“Of course, and the time we’ve spent up until now talking is for both of us, as well. You have a question you want to ask, something that wasn’t fully clear to you through your own research and filling out the profile. Ask it.” He tapped gently on your fingers, another motion of reassurance, connection.

“Forced orgasms.”

“I’m not surprised you would want to know more about that particular aspect.”

“I get the general concept, but I guess I don’t understand how that translates into practice,” you admitted.

Bucky nodded. “Sex should be engaged in for intimacy and pleasure – sometimes only pleasure, but not all the partners we are involved with are people we would trust to push us beyond our limits – either because a relationship is new, it’s a one-time thing, or because we don’t know how to communicate the limits and boundaries. Just like anything else, sex is a part of our experience as humans that we learn and grow and change with. A forced orgasm is a way to explore pleasure and power dynamics, but there must be that established trust. They can be both physically and emotionally intense because it could be exploring something new or pushing you past limits – you would give up power and be subjected to my whims.”

You took a deep breath and nodded.

“You give up power, but not safety – that’s important for you to remember. You always have your safe word or tap me three times if you can’t speak, I’ll always stop immediately. Forced can also be a specific part of roleplay scenarios. We can discuss it more, but I think you ought to experience it. Do you think we’ve built enough trust for us to begin?”

“Oh, now?”

“Yes, now, or we could talk more before we begin, we could talk and do nothing more tonight, or you could leave now and go think before your next appointment.”

You bit your lip, but only out of concentration for deciding, not out of nerves.

“What do you want?” he asked patiently.

“I want to begin the physical experience.”

“That kind of specificity will be rewarded, Rio.”

You grinned.

“You didn’t mark this very high on your profile, but I think you’re going to find out you have quite the praise kink.”

You half-gasped and half-giggled, surprised that he would say something so bold and yet also not.

“Strong independent woman like you? High achiever, determined. You’re not vain, and you don’t chase it, but you like recognition outside the bedroom, right?”

“Well, yes.”

“You’ll love it here, too, doll.”

You pressed your thighs closer together. A slow undercurrent of desire had been present since the night began, but as things began to transition, your core was beginning to thrum with anticipation.

“Bucky?”

“Yes?”

“Before we get started, I – well – just – thank you for not asking me why I decided to come here.”

“You didn’t ask me why I chose this profession. It might be oversimplification to say we’re both here because we want to be, but that’s the bottom line, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“Know there will never be an ounce of judgment here – not for your desires, your kinks, your fears, your motivations. Don’t worry about doing anything wrong in there – we’ll be learning what your body wants together. You need to stop, we stop. You need to pause, we pause. You want to go slow or try something again or from a different angle, you tell me. Deal?”

“Deal.” God, he made you feel like the world was at your feet even though you were surrendering to him.

He stood up and pulled you with him. “One more thing.”

“Hmm?”

“In there, you call me ‘sir,’” he said. He brought your hand up and placed a whisper of a kiss on the inside of your wrist.

Everything in you melted instantly and you had to remind yourself to breathe.

“You got that?”

“Yes, sir.”

He smirked.

You knew he was going to ruin you.

You knew this, you knew you were ready and eager, and yet you also could tell nothing in your life had quite set you up for what you were about to experience if he had you pliant and nearly pleading for him after that mere gentle touch.

“Why don’t you head to the bedroom, I’ll give you a few minutes to get comfortable, and then I’ll come in.”

Two hours later, you were a writhing mess on the mattress, completely naked and splayed out for him while he was still fully clothed. His head was buried between your thighs, your hips firmly in place by his left arm pressing down on your pelvis. The fingers of his other hand were buried in your cunt, stroking the sensitive spot on your inner wall slowly and torturously – because every sensation down there was too much now.

He had traced his fingers over every inch of your limbs, teased your nipples, stroked your neck, ghosted his hands over your hips, teasing until you were pleading for him to touch your pussy.

He had told you once he started, he wouldn’t stop.

You knew he wasn’t lying, but you had never known an experience like this.

He had edged and denied your first orgasm until you were desperate and crying. The ultimate bliss had been blinding. He had praised you, told you your first orgasm with him had been truly beautiful, and your back had actually arched at his words, an inner keening. He’d been right about that kink.

And then he’d been nothing but relentless, bringing you to the edge and back again, then hurtling you over numerous times, with only brief moments of reprieve before torturing you with his lips, teeth, and tongue, with his hands, and with his words. Filthy promises of things he would do, dangled your fantasies in front of you, teased out admissions from you of even darker desires he as he presented new options you’d never considered, all the while pushing you into orgasm after orgasm. You keened and cried.

It was too much, and you told him so.

He disagreed, coaxing that you could give him another, and another.

“Sir,” you sobbed, “sir, stop, I can’t.”

Now the crying was continuous, and those were the only four words you seemed to be able to utter. When it devolved to only hitched breaths and sirs, Bucky slowed and stopped.

“Do you remember your safe word?” he asked.

“Yes,” you rasped.

“And?”

“I didn’t say it.”

He chuckled. “Just checking, Rio.”

“I know it’s Brazil! Break over, keep going.”

“It’s the endorphins – even though the overstimulation is there and it’s uncomfortable, the high with the endorphin release through the pain is its own trip, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes, now keep your word and don’t stop until I’m utterly broken,” you whined, wiggling your hips as much as you could manage.

His low laugh made you shiver. “You’re going to be one of my favorites, I can tell.”

And then he pressed firmly on that spot inside of you and sucked hard on your clit in one sudden moment and ripped another orgasm and scream from you as you twisted one hand in the sheets and tugged his hair with the other, not ready to stop yet. He was as addictive as he was relentless, and you were not going to leave an ounce of this unexplored, and this was only the beginning.

Masterlist | Aspen's Ask Box | Field Guide to the Forest

End Notes: I feel like I knew some of the basics when it comes to BDSM and some of my fics have had BDSM elements, but I did a fair amount of research because I didn't want to do any disservice to the what a healthy relationship exploring BDSM might look like. This is one take. I found some very helpful insight at theduchy.com (specifically their BDSM Experience and Curiosity Checklist) and an article Bustle published by two sex educators that took a very straight-forward approach in discussing some of the basics. I'd go so far as to say there things that I learned or had reaffirmed or got better language/theory about by studying about BDSM that I think should just be base safe sexual practices (around consent, boundaries, exploration, trusting your partner, etc).

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : 01-17 On Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 18: I’m so terribly lost

Chapter title is lyrics from "LosT"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The view took me by surprise as we pulled up to the hotel.

I’d offered to drive the van from the venue to here despite never having driven on the right side of the road before. While I was scared of new driving situations on most days, it turned out my brain was entirely too preoccupied with everything else going on in my life at the moment, making this particular challenge seem relatively insignificant in comparison.

Plus, it gave me a reason to not interact with either Oli or Mat for two hours straight.

The road between the venue and hotel had started quite industrial – dreadful even, making me doubt any nice destination could be anywhere nearby, but during the second hour the roads turned windier, growing thicker with nature. It was around 1pm when we arrived, the sun was high in the sky and the sound of birds chirping could be heard all around us as I took in the front of the hotel; it was a relatively large structure, maybe four stories tall, made of wood and stone with an abundance of arched windows.

Architecturally it wasn’t too impressive, but you could tell the place must have cost a fortune to book considering its surroundings, which was nothing short of spectacular; a mixture of manicured greenery framed by what seemed like acres worth of woods, overlooking a lake peppered with little islands, popping out of the water as random tufts of green in the distance.

It was truly stunning.

“Not as nice as in summer, but still bloody brilliant, innit?” I heard Mat say somewhere behind me, but I could barely take my eyes off the magical body of water as I stepped out of the van.

“Yeah, not bad that.” Lee agreed.

Liam sighed deeply before one of the van doors slid shut, “Wish I could fucking live here.” He muttered as he nudged me to help him with the luggage.

But when I turned around Oli was already pulling things out and delegating them to their owner, causing the guys to walk off towards the hotel entrance one by one. 

When I got closer I could see my own luggage at the very front, but he kept reaching for everyone else’s first anyway.

I felt myself smile when I realised what he was doing.

Mat walked past me with his luggage in hand, “See you in a bit, yeah?”

He smiled at me, causing me to awkwardly smile back at him as Oli was watching us.

“Yeah, I won’t be long.”

Once Liam left, it was just me and Oli standing next to the open van door, looking out over the lake.

“Aren’t you gonna give me my luggage?” I asked teasingly, knowing damn well he’d orchestrated getting me alone.

But he had no interest in keeping up the pretence, instead he immediately slipped a hand to the small of my back and pulled me intimately flush against him. I would have been worried someone could see us if it wasn’t for our large van blocking the hotel, effectively giving us privacy from anyone in that direction.

Instead I welcomed the affection, having missed it last night when I went to bed.

He looked down at me with longing in his eyes, and for a moment I thought he was about to kiss me, but instead he spoke.

“You never responded to my texts.”

I’d been avoiding it since I didn’t know how to break the news to him about what I saw Mat do last night.

Or how it had affected me; how it had stirred further confusion in me.

“I’m sorry.” Was all I could think of to respond for now, but he seemed uninterested in my apologies.

With a finger under my chin he studied my face before guiding me in for a kiss. It was so soft – so tender, instead of the passionate and carnal kisses we usually shared.

Yet the hand on my back seemed to have other ideas, pushing me closer to him before proceeding to slip under the hem of my shorts.

He pulled away, frowning.

“You’re not wearing any underwear, love.” He said against my lips.

I should have pieced it together sooner, but it wasn’t until now that I realised this had all been about my imminent date with Mat; how he’d sent me a text, instructing me to wear the garment that he otherwise wanted me to skip.

“I’m getting changed in a minute. I’ll wear some.”

A lazy smile spread over his features, and with a sparkle in his eye, his hands returning to caress my back.

“Good.” He murmured, before he gave me another equally delicate kiss. I reached for his neck, letting my fingers feel the hair there as warmth spread throughout my chest. For a moment the world fell away from the intoxicatingly tender kisses, but he untangled us, pulling me in for a hug that caused my heart to ache instead.

He’d buried his face in the crook of my neck, wrapping his arms around me with a sense of desperation, like he didn’t want to let go.

Like he was in pain.

We stood like this for some time, and all I could think of to do was hug him back, hoping it would comfort him; hoping it would ease my own heartache as well.

When he finally pulled away he was wearing a big smile, but it didn’t fool me, I could still see the sadness painted all over him.

He let go of me entirely, causing my heartache to intensify, making me want to skip my date with Mat for a moment.

Before remembering that Oli was the reason I was going in the first place.

I took the luggage he was handing me off of him.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He said with a grin, then stalked off towards the hotel.

Leaving me to melt against the van, feeling as if I was being yanked in a million directions.

Once I’d managed to pull myself together and get inside, I saw Liam waiting impatiently in the rustic yet contemporary foyer.

“Sorry.” I said sheepishly when I got closer, having forgotten entirely that we’re sharing a room this time as well, like we had the entire first week of the tour.

While impatient – made obvious by how he essentially shoved me into the elevator – his expression immediately softened from my apology, “Ah, don’t worry about it, love. I may be grumpy and tired but my troubles pale in comparison to the mess you’ve gotten yourself into. At least I get to rest today.”

I sighed, “You heard about all the dates then?”

“Yeah.” He said with a laugh.

Our room continued in the same airy yet rustic design as the foyer, making everything look expensive; the ceilings were high and littered in dark wooden beams, contrasting against all the light colours of the room, with large windows looking out over the woods behind the hotel.

Liam collapsed onto his bed.

“Fucking amazing.” He breathed.

While it looked incredibly plush and comfortable, I didn’t have much time to get ready for my date with Mat, so I skipped the otherwise obligatory trying-the-bed ritual, and grabbed some underwear, jeans, and a sweater and went to get changed in the bathroom. It had seemed like the perfect choice for a day by the lake, especially since I didn’t want to wear anything too revealing, but when I re-appeared from the bathroom with my new outfit, Liam sat up in the bed looking utterly appalled.

“You can’t wear that.”

“Why not?” I said, feeling slightly offended.

“You’ve been parading around in all your slutty clothes for weeks now, why are we shifting gears all of a sudden? You did the same thing last night with that other frumpy sweater.”

I frowned, “I don’t know, I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea.”

“Wrong idea!?” Shocked and confused, Liam shot out of bed to start rummaging through my luggage, “I know you’ve got stuff going on with Oli, but why are you even bothering going on a date with Mat then?”

As I watched him search for clothes, I searched within myself for answers, attempting to figure out exactly why I was going on this date. Because while I had initially agreed to it for Oli, it turned out that I also needed to know whether there could be something more with Mat – not just for Oli’s sake, but for my own.

“I guess… I guess I want to know if there’s something between me and Mat.”

“Alright, can’t do that while holding back, can we? Take that bloody sweater off.” He handed me a tight, completely see-through crop top I’d intended to wear over a dress – not just over my bra.

With an open mind, I replaced my sweater with the top he’d picked out.

“Okay, now you look like you’re going on a date.” He said as I stepped in front of the mirror. A sense of freedom flooded me as I took in my own reflection, causing the woman in the mirror to smile back at me.

“Fine, you’ve convinced me, this is a lot better.” I admitted with a sigh.

And from the expression Mat wore when I stepped off the elevator it was pretty safe to say he agreed.

“Well don’t you look incredible.” He said, eyeing me up as he opened the hotel entrance door for me.

“Thank you,” I responded with as much confidence as I could muster up, but I still felt my cheeks heat up as I passed him in the doorway, the close proximity allowing me to smell his rich cologne which matched his warm and earthy personality quite well.

I let myself glance at Mat’s outfit when we stepped outside, but I made quick work of it as it somehow still felt inappropriate to look at him in that way.

“You’re not looking too bad yourself.” I added shyly, feeling more heat creep up my face.

Mat usually wore long sleeves, but today he’d opted for a short sleeve button up, showcasing most of the tattoos on his arms that weren't on display too often.

The image of his tensing arm, gripping the armrest while he came last night flashed in my mind.

I pushed it away immediately, not wanting to turn any redder than I already was.

“Why thank you,” He threw me a cheeky smile, “It’s not far, just down that path.”

He pointed down a narrow path along the treeline next to the edge of the lake.

“Great, do you want me to take those?” I asked out of habit, inclining my head towards the two plastic bags Mat was carrying, which were clinking as he walked.

“Absolutely not! You’re not working today, love.” His smile grew, and I couldn’t help but match it as we made our way down the path.

“You know, we’ve been coming here for over a decade now, every time we tour the US.”

“I can see why.” I said before I narrowly avoided getting hit in the face with a branch while passing a particularly narrow part.

“Oli used to hate it actually.” His eyes darted to me after he’d said it.

I frowned, “Why’s that?”

“There’s nothing going on out here, just peace and quiet. I think it made his head a bit loud, at least back when the drugs used to be an issue.” The look he gave me was serious, “He’s very different now though, quite reliable.”

My frown deepened. 

I couldn’t help but wonder where he was going with this, or why he was talking about Oli at all right now.

“Why are you telling me this?”

He stopped in the middle of the path to face me, right before a bend, “Because Oli’s an amazing guy, but he doesn’t seem to think he is. Pretty ironic really, for someone who changes all the time, he gets a bit stuck in the past sometimes, thinking he’s the same person from a decade ago – when he’s not. He’s grown so much more than he gives himself credit for.” He took a deep breath, “You should hear that from someone before you go on a date with him.”

While I was grateful Mat had confirmed my suspicions about Oli being too hard on himself, I was still perplexed why he had chosen right now to tell me these things.

“But I’m currently on a date with you.”

He huffed out a laugh, “Which I’m incredibly happy about, but if I know Oli right, he’ll probably end up saying some nice things about me as well.”

Which to be fair, Oli had already done.

Mat’s eyes turned thoughtful, “I guess my point is that Oli will be my best friend no matter what happens today, so let’s have a nice time, yeah?”

I felt a smile tug at the corners of my lips as he essentially settled one of my main worries about today, “I’d like that.”

“Good.” His features mimicked mine before he started walking again, finally turning the corner.

I followed, but as soon as I did, I was blown away.

The trees in front of us had grown in a massive arch, framing the view of the lake with their branches, and right down the middle you could see all the way across to the other side of the rather large lake, as if all the tiny islands had decided in unison to let you sneak a peek, but only from this very particular location.

“Holy shit.” I breathed.

“I know, it’s nuts, innit?” He said as he took a seat on the stone wall behind us.

After I picked my jaw back up off of the forest floor, I joined him, watching him pull out two cardboard tubs, handing one of them to me, along with a fork.

“Here you go. Careful– it’s still hot.”

“This is strange, it’s usually me bringing you food.” I said, taking a bite of the absolutely heavenly risotto.

“Well, I know it’s your job, but I’m still very grateful for all you’ve done for us the past month.”

I shook my head, “Oh please, I barely get anything right.”

“Nonsense.”

I just stared at him.

“So you mess a couple things up here and there.” He admitted with a smile.

“I dropped Lee’s guitar once.” I said sheepishly, causing his eyes to widen, “It was in its case, but still…”

He burst out laughing, “Let's keep that between us, he’ll wring your neck for that one.”’

We ended up talking about past touring incidents for a while, and I was happy to learn that I was far from the worst assistant they’ve had, with someone having short circuited the speakers right before a gig.

The conversation was flowing long after we finished our food, but every so often I’d catch him looking at my lips, and every time he did my mind would be flooded with images of him from last night.

It was growing increasingly distracting, requiring more effort each time to push the intrusive thoughts away.

When it happened again, the conversation suddenly stopped, making me wonder if he was experiencing something similar.

Making me wonder if I had imagined the faint flickers of lust in his eyes, merely a projection of my own feelings onto him, or if he was struggling to concentrate as much as I was.

“Do you like whiskey?” He asked after a moment of heavy silence, rummaging through one of the plastic bags next to him in order to produce two glasses and a bottle with amber liquid inside.

“Yeah, it’s alright.”

He handed me a glass and proceeded to pour us both a healthy serving each.

Then instantly downed his entire glass.

“Are you okay?” I laughed nervously, noticing how he wasn’t looking at me anymore.

He smiled, but his eyes were still on the lake, “Bit nervous to be honest with you.”

I felt myself fidget slightly out of discomfort, “You don’t really strike me as the nervous type.”

“That’s the thing, I’m not.” He started, eyes darting to mine, “But last night rattled me a bit.” He took a deep breath, “Sorry I know we said we’d pretend it never happened, but it’s just been looping in my head all day– anyway, let’s talk about something else–”

“I can’t stop thinking about it either.” I interrupted him, without thinking it through; without considering the potential consequences of agreeing to address the elephant in the room.

I just couldn’t pretend any longer. It was as if ignoring the elephant only made it grow larger, impossible to ignore, completely overtaking my mind.

“Can I confess something to you?” I had never seen him look so nervous. 

There was something unsettling about seeing someone so calm and collected in that state.

I nodded as my pulse sped up.

He spoke slowly, “When we were hanging out backstage last night, I wasn’t sure we had too much chemistry. Not that I don’t find you attractive, quite the contrary, you’re really fucking fit Alice.” His eyes quickly darted to my breasts that were clearly on display in this top, before clearing his throat, “We just didn’t seem like we connected in that way. Sometimes that stuff just takes a little while to develop though, which is fine.” There was a short pause, and I’m not sure my face could be any warmer when he continued, his voice low, rough, “But the way you looked at me last night when you walked in on me…” He visibly swallowed, “...The way you’re looking at me right now.”

His eyes fell to my lips again and I felt as if I was about to pass out.

Not only had his eyes turned dark, but his demeanour was dripping with the same energy from last night. The same dirty, rough stare that made me wonder if he fucked like an animal.

“Can I try something?” He asked, sounding surprisingly collected considering his appearance.

I was bewildered, but curious.

“Yeah.” I breathed, giving away too much of my state as always.

He stood up, his gaze not leaving me once as he stepped in front of me, his warm hands firmly grabbing my knees, spreading my legs for him, causing me to gasp before he stepped between them. Our faces were mere inches apart, our bodies not connecting anywhere except where his hands rested on me, having travelled up the outside of my thighs.

“Is this okay?” He asked under his breath, heavy eyelids resting over his green eyes.

I could smell the whiskey on his breath, feel the heat radiating off of him, making me want to pull him in for a kiss, to crush my body against his, to feel the hard cock against me that I couldn’t stop imagining all day.

But guilt was pushing in from every corner, suffocating me. Logically I knew I hadn’t committed to anything with Oli yet, logically I knew that this is what dating was all about.

While my feelings were convinced this was wrong, my body had other ideas.

My body was ready to shut my brain up so it could enjoy the man before me.

So I nodded, shakily, letting him know that I was accepting what was transpiring between us.

His eyes darkened further, “Don’t worry, I’m not expecting anything.” His voice had dipped even lower, “I just want to see if there really is…”

“A spark.” I whispered.

“Yeah.”

His hands were suddenly on my ass, pulling me flush against him – against his erection. My breath hitched at the sudden motion, the sudden pressure between my legs, making my hands grab at his chest, threatening to elicit a whimper from me, but Mat was quiet; his eyes on me were focused, determined to stay collected even though the sexual tension had reached a boiling point.

One of his hands firmly travelling up my back, pulling me closer – pulling me in for a kiss.

Panic started to set in, but I didn’t get a chance to react before his lips connected with mine and my thoughts scrambled completely for a moment.

It wasn’t until I heard myself moan into his mouth that I came back, and I was just about to push him off of me, to tell him I can’t do this, maybe even confess that I already have feelings for his best friend, tell him that his best friend has feelings for me, when he pulled away, stepped out from between my legs and casually sat back down next to me.

I was stunned and breathless, but Mat was just smiling, pouring us fresh drinks.

“Well,” He said with a grin, handing me my refilled drink back to me, “Safe to say there’s a spark.”

He dinged his glass against mine, “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” I breathed, more confused than ever.

... Subscribe to the story on Ao3 for future updates

[vhygoxo]

Pale Moonlight

After your grandfather Atera passes you decide to move in with your grandmother. Since this is your gap year after graduating, you get to decide what you want next, assuming this is a great opportunity. Moving to one of your home reserves you're ready to start your new life. When you finally come back after being distanced for so long secrets and mysteries of the reserve start to unravel.

Paul Lahote x Reader

Chapter 6: Discovery

Finally back with a new chapter! Which is probably surprising lol since I took a long break. But I do have more chapters in store. I want this story to be focused on not only being Paul's imprint, but also into the life of the reserve, the characters stories. But other than that enjoy! I know we're in a drought for Paul lahote content. I’ll also be uploading imagines and other Wolfpack content in the future 🫶

Chapters

1. Homecoming

2. Emissary’s

3. Connection

4. Prey

5. Awakening

6. Discovery

As the next morning came I tried to stay in my bed for as long as I could. My eyes eventually fluttered open, my bones felt weary, throat dry and parched.

I wasn’t so sure I wanted to get out of my bed. Not after everything I experienced yesterday. Thinking of all I have to face it made me stuck to my bed.

It’s still hard for me to digest everything. How am I supposed to live knowing what’s truly out there? What type of life awaits me for me?

Vampires are real and one had attacked me. Until Paul Lahote, a man I barely know, was the one to rescue me. All in the form of this huge vicious grey wolf.

Learning about Paul’s true nature, including the others, about how they’re all ‘shifters’. It all made me feel crazy. I wasn’t sure how to react to their explanation. What made me feel crazy was that I somehow understood everything.

Living with my grandparents in the summer and visits in between I learned a lot. Many stories live in my head because of me simply listening to my grandfather.

He wasn’t the type to sit us kids down. Just a few times in the winter for story time if we were lucky. Other than that you’d have to catch him at the right moment.

He’d tell them randomly, while we drank tea, or went for a car drive, even just sitting quiet at home. It all depended on what mood my grandfather was in.

I always believed him even when his stories seemed ridiculous. Our people, indigenous people as a whole, we have certain ways.

Somethings that are even mysterious to us. Stories of folk tales and local creatures were common to hear and know about.

It’s a totally different experiencing said stories in real life. It was easier to think of them as just stories. But now I know that there is truth to such stories. It all made life feel surreal for me.

Eventually I crawled out of bed once the questions in my head started to eat me up. I needed answers, explanations, anything to help me understand. I knew there was only one person that could help me.

My grandmother was up and waiting for me downstairs. I could sense her as I got my self ready. The air was filled with tension and uneasiness.

“My girl” She exclaimed as I came down the stairs. I gave a weak smile before we headed to the couch. Sitting down beside her she squeezed my hand comforting me.

“How did you rest? Are you feeling okay?” My grandmother fussed over me as she brushed the hair away from my face. I smiled and cupped her hand softly.

“I rested well enough. How are you holding up?”

“Oh my girl… I couldn’t help but worry over you. I know you must be going through a lot right now… Thinking a lot… Here have something to eat first. Get your strength back”

With the food ready she and I ate our breakfast. I somehow felt at peace once we began to eat in silence. For this brief moment it felt as if nothing had changed. All I focused on was my grandmother and this moment. Bracing myself for what I know I have to face eventually.

Once we had finished and cleaned up we sat back onto the couch. My grandmother had stepped into her room. Before she came back out carrying a small cedar box.

“What is that?” I asked once she sat down with me. She smiled at me softly before she opened the box. It had initials and some florals carved into the box. Once opened there were small carved trinkets and pictures.

“Your grandfather made me this box. Originally it was meant for jewellery. When he’d go hunting he’d carve me pieces of jewellery made from antlers and bone. Necklaces, rings, earrings, all hand made by him. Little tokens of love and affection. He carved this box for me to keep everything in it. Over the years I kept our memories together in this box”

She skimmed through her stacks of pictures. Old pictures of her and my grandfather as a young couple. Their friends and events they attended. She pulled out a set of pictures for me to look at.

“This was around the time your grandfather shifted. He had just turned 17 before a stray vampire began to lurk around the reserve. It made him and his fellow pack members shift. All of them were only 16-18 at the time”

“Pack members?”

“…What exactly did Sam and his friends tell you?”

She paused to look at me after questioning me. I stopped looking at the pictures to focus. Trying to remember what I was told.

“Well… I know everyone besides Kim and Emily is a wolf. I—I mean shifter, that they take on their spiritual forms, which is the shape of the wolf… right?”

“Yes they’re called shifters. For you to understand I need to explain some things”

My grandmother looked at me eager to know my decision. I could see she was nervous as I was. But I trusted her to know that she’ll be honest and explain everything I don’t understand. I nodded my head in agreement before she started.

“Long ago Taha Aki and our ancestors were blessed with their nature from our relatives the wolves. Fierce spiritual warriors stronger than any force. As a means to protect and guide our tribe. Only certain men in the tribe are blessed with this gift. It’s a lifestyle few can walk”

She handed me a picture of a huge dark grey wolf. Almost as if his fur was black on the top. Looking at the handwriting on the photo inscribed was my grandfathers name.

“They had dealt with the colonizers easily enough. It’s why despite our small tribe we always kept our territory despite many enemy attempts to take it. When our people first came across the cold blooded vampires it changed everything. We had never come across such a threat. Whole villages would be slaughtered in a matter of a few hours at the hands of a few vampires. They looked human but quickly our shifters knew they were unnatural”

I felt my own blood run cold. Terrified at the thought of vampires. My throat felt as if it was slowly closing as I remembered Victoria. How fast she was and how close I was to death.

“When the first shifters killed them they ripped them to pieces. Our warriors decided to collect all the pieces to place together. To inspect and see the vampire up close. Everyone in the village had gathered to come take a look at the beast. It laid there stiff, it’s insides grey and solid, the skin reflected like gemstones. Everyone was amazed our warriors killed such a powerful creature. All until the limbs started to move, quickly the body squirmed to join back together, some pieces did and tried to fight back once more. Pale and cold because they’re undead, immortal, their bodies are made of stone”

I gasped shocked at what I was hearing. It made me think of how Victoria’s skin felt. Like cold sandpaper but solid and hard. There was no softness in her icy grip. Even when Paul bit down onto Victoria I could hear crumbling and cracking. I almost thought she was a porcelain doll with how awful the cracking sounded.

“Quickly the body was tossed and burnt in the fire. All until nothing but ash was left. Burning them is the only way to truly kill a vampire. Our shifters are the only force powerful enough to defeat them. This has been their duty for centuries. Our true protectors and guides of the Quileute tribe”

I sat quiet dumbfounded at what was being told to me. My grandmother just patiently waited and observed my reaction. My mouth was agape from shock and surprise. I wasn’t quite sure what to say but I knew I had questions

“Wow… I… I somehow understand… But I still have a few questions if that’s alright”

“I understand my girl. But you need to know what a heavy responsibility it is to be a shifter. It takes great discipline and dedication. It’s a delicate balance between spiritual and physical nature. If you aren’t balanced it can be volatile. It can be a difficult process harnessing their true nature. There are some aspects you can’t control”

“…Such as imprinting right?” I asked which made her whip her head at me taken aback. Even I sat up straight nervous. I could tell it caught her off guard as she coughed.

“Grandma … I don’t fully know what an imprint is. I didn’t get to fully ask either because I was too shocked and upset. I understand somewhat about how shifting works… All I know is this imprinting with Paul involves me. That’s what they told me from what I remember. I… I just don’t know how I fit into all this. I’m not a shifter or anything magical as far as I know. Or am I? Is this what you're struggling to tell me?”

“No no you’re not a shifter my girl” She said slightly giggling at me. At this point I had too many questions. But I really wanted to know what an imprint is. Since I know this connects me to Paul somehow. What role do I play in all of this? Grandma sighed before she recollected herself.

“Well… Even for me it’s difficult to explain. An imprint connection really depends on the people in the connection. You see when the colonizers came, they took almost everything from us, you know? Genocide, Residential schools, day school, all of it took a toll on our people. It was a struggle to even carry our traditions so most of our teachings about shifters, their nature, what we knew was lost. It’s been about 3 generations since your grandfathers time and since we last had shifters amongst us”

She explained as I sighed defeated. Slowly sinking into my seat. My grandmother rubbed my back in comfort. Before she started to explain once more.

“Over the years we’ve gathered what info we do know about shifters. Some of the teachings have been coming back. All we understand is it’s a lifelong bond. That only happens once a lifetime between a shifter and their imprint. It’s a strong spiritual bond that links two for life. Some even believe it lasts beyond life”

I sat silent for a moment to think. It made me rethink of Paul’s words before I left. His brief explanation to me of what an imprint is.

I remember the look on his face, a frown filled his face with eyes that were sad, one of the reasons I wanted to leave so quickly. I caused a lot of trouble for not only him but for everyone.

“... Y’know…That’s all Paul really said to me before I left… Now that I think about it. I didn’t really understand what he meant at the time. But he said that we— that I can choose what we mean? I’m guessing he meant this imprint connection”

She had grabbed my hand and held it close to her. I sat worried until she gave me a warm smile. There was a short pause before she sighed

“My girl… As much as I want to sit here and explain everything to you. I think it’s best you just talk to Paul”

I felt uncomfortable as soon as she suggested such. I didn’t quite know how to face Paul. I had hardly knew him before all of this. Now I’m suddenly inter-soul-twined with him? It didn’t help he was quite upset about all of this.

“Grandma—“

“Remember I’m an imprint myself. When your grandfather imprinted on me he made sure I understood right away. He just wouldn’t have it either way”

“You were also the one to say you and grandpa got married quickly. Is it because he imprinted on you that you guys got hitched?”

Her face had flushed red it was the first time I’ve ever seen her get flustered. I felt I should’ve bitten my tongue to stop myself. But it was too late the words were spoken.

“Y\n”

“I’m sorry! But I’m just worried. I still don’t fully understand what any of this imprint business has to do with me and Paul. Does this mean I have to get hitched with Paul right away? Like you and grandpa? Except I have to with some stranger I don’t know?—“

“—This is why I’m suggesting you talk to Paul. Imprint connections vary for me and your grandfather it was different. Yes we got married but it was because we loved and eventually understood one another. Not just because of this imprint connection. Y’know we have other imprints on the rez here. They’re great examples of how different imprints can be”

I only knew Sam and Emily were imprints so far. But them too are basically married, already engaged, despite being in their early 20’s. All I knew from Kim was they’ve been together for awhile. Leah didn’t really like Sam from what I understood.

“Like Sam and Emily? But they’re engaged as well”

“Yes but there are others. Quill has his own imprint also you know”

Hearing the words come out of my grandmothers mouth shocked me. This whole time I’ve been home Quill hadn’t bothered to bring up his imprint? Much less let me meet her?

“What? Quill?”

“Yes Quill has his own imprint. I bring it up because his relationship to her is different from that of Sam and Emily, and also me and your grandfathers. Claire young is her name, and she’s only 4, she’s the niece of your friend Emily” Hearing so surprised me and I could feel it express on my face. My grandmother scolded me as I felt myself cringe. I couldn’t help it since it shocked me to know this about Quill.

“They aren’t together y\n but they are imprints. Quill has since taken her in almost as his own daughter. With the approval of her parents of course. They know about all of this also. It was understood that the two needed to be together and Quill decided he would become whatever Claire needed. He’ll become a friend, a brother, a father, whatever Claire needs. For now he serves her as a older brother\father figure”

“… And you said before this is something sacred right?”

“Yes my girl and no one gets to choose their imprint. In the old days we understood imprinting and it’s nature to be more connected to the wolves. Rather than our human nature. It’s why our people never fully questioned it. Wolves bond for life it’s just in their nature. When our ancestors were blessed with the gift of shifting we understood imprinting was one of the gifts that came with it. Instead of questioning we adapted, it’s why it’s important for the imprints, to define the connection between them. Otherwise your connection can falter and be fatal”

“Wait—fatal?” Before she could answer me someone had knocked on the door just then. Interrupting and startling the two of us. Both of us were heavily into our conversation we hardly realized someone was here.

I got up and walked to the door quickly. Opening the door there stood Quill. A solemn look to his face. I was surprised to see him standing here. Usually he texts or calls me to make sure I’m home.

“Hey Y\N”

“Hey…”

“Is that Quill?” Our grandmother asked me, I stood aside to let him in, stepping in he greeted her. She rose from where she sat and came over to us. I wasn’t quite sure how to react to Quill’s sudden appearance.

“I’m glad you stopped by so soon Quill to check on y/n. Me and y\n were just finished visiting. I’m sure you and her have a lot to talk about. So I’ll leave you two as I’ll be heading over to Sue Clearwater’s… I need to thank her for helping you last night”

“Oh— Grandma I’ll come with you I want to thank her too” I said trying to grab my shoes to leave. She shook her head and held my hands. Stopping me from grabbing them.

“My girl it’s okay you stay here and visit with Quill. Let your cousin explain what I can’t. You need all the help you can get”

She assured me, eventually she made her exit, leaving me and Quill alone. Honestly I felt as if my grandma was glad for Quill to step in somehow. After settling in our spots at the porch table outside Quill began to speak.

“Well jeez… I don’t really know where to start… First of all how are you?”

“Me?…I’m not even sure… I feel I’m stuck in shock if we're being honest” This comment earned me a smile from Quill. Who was busy examining my neck and throat area carefully. I opened up my shirt collar to fully show him. I was still feeling tender and sore but there wasn't much redness anymore.

“Sorry I just have to see… When I seen you not moving on Emily's bed I was panicked…I'm just really sorry this happened to you—”

“Quill look I know you're feeling a bit guilty about all of this but it isn't your fault. I’m not severely damaged or anything. I'm fine infact I'm grateful to be alive. How many people can say they were attacked by a vampire and lived?” I attempted to comfort Quill who I could tell was feeling bad. He sighed and shifted in his seat.

“I’m really glad to hear that. Yeah… You’re right I don’t see much scars that’ll be left on you… So that’s good. Honestly… But look y/n… I'm sure you have a lot of questions… Right? About all of this and how you fit into it. I'm here not only to check on you but also uhh… In better terms inform you. So any questions you wanted answered I can help you with”

“Really?”

“Yes really all of us know how it is when you first learn about all… of this. It's confusing and hard. Doesn't make it easier on you since you were attacked” I nodded silently in agreement. Feeling assured by having Quill here to support me. As I sat I thought of what questions I wanted to ask.

“I just wanted to be the first to tell you of how much support you can rely on. In truth I’m so glad you finally know about this. It was a struggle for me not to say anything to you. But I want you to know you can depend on me for anything”

“Really? You were going to tell me before I was attacked?”

“Yes of course and all of us here who know about it. We just wanted to ease you into this life but shit happened so fast. But good thing is you finally know. We all support each other here and now you’re one of us. You’ll learn who all knows eventually” Quill said earnestly which even I could feel he was being honest. It was a true comfort to hear that from him.

“Thanks Quill. I appreciate it truly, y’know at first of course this was all scary, but since I woke up I somehow feel better about all of this. The more I listen and understand anyway”

“Really? I’m glad to hear that. Of course I don’t want you to be shy to ask anything. But I don’t wanna push your limits and overwhelm you y’know? Do you think you can handle it all?” He sat awaiting for my answer. I nodded and took a deep breath in as an attempt to calm my nerves.

“So shoot your shot and I'll do my best to answer”

“Okay… Can we talk about when you first shifted?” Quill sat for a moment thinking back. He opened his mouth to speak but paused once more. I could tell he was nervous about all this also.

“Ok well… I shifted a bit after grandpa died, sometime after Jake and Embry, it was crazy y\n. I was younger back then. I thought I was going through some crazy growth spurt. I was constantly angry or on edge. It wasn’t until Sam approached me along with the boys. Once they told me about everything…I just… I just tried to survive. Y’know? Its been crazy to adjust to. But all in all it isn’t hard to maintain. It’s definitely a different lifestyle I thought I’d live”

“Yeah that I can understand. But can I ask what about your imprint? Grandma was telling me about some little girl named Claire? What’s that all about”

“You heard about Claire?” Quill asked as he started to sweat. I could tell he was becoming more nervous. I nodded yes and awaited for an answer.

“You understand how imprints work right? I—I’m sure grandma told you by now”

“She did and I somewhat understand. Not as fully as I’d like to since everyone keeps telling me I define it? I don’t know to be honest. I’m just curious on what you and Claire’s connection is like. If you don’t mind me asking”

“Well… All I can say that part is true, about defining it, me and Claire for example. I don’t know if you know but she’s only four. For her… She views me as an older brother. And that I will be since it’s what she decided. That’s something I’m fine with, with our bond it’s sacred, and I’m blessed to be chosen as her sworn protecter. And in a way she’s also my own protector” After hearing Quill’s words it made me feel reassured somehow. Realizing despite this divine connection both can still have a decision on the matter. Maybe Paul really was my own sworn protector. It could even be that I’m Paul’s protector. Who fully knows?

“… How do you feel about being Paul's imprint?” Quill asked me and I felt my stomach rise. Not that I was feeling scared but I felt more nervous than anything. I wasn’t even sure what to say to Quill. Although I liked and respected him I don’t know who he is fully.

“I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I hardly know Paul and suddenly we're… we're… I don't even know yet…” We sat in silence for a moment before Quill patted my back again. Although I was struggling it was a comfort to know I have Quill with me.

“There's a lot you still need to learn about. But you don't have to figure out all of it today. Just take your time we all figured you'll be resting for the next couple of days”

“By we do you mean Paul, Sam, and the others?”

“Yeah… We're all pretty close… Soon you will be too” Quill said assuring me. Talking with him was making me remember how I was back at Emily’s house. Since I was so stressed I reacted pretty harshly to them all. I felt betrayed somehow and scorned. After the smoke cleared I feel I shouldn’t have behaved that way. I wasn’t sure how to face any of them again.

Paul crossed my mind as well, I wished to know what he feels about all of this, how he views this connection. Remembering how he saved me from a worser fate. If we are truly bonded then how do we move forward?

“Quill… From what I remember you guys are mindlinked right? Or is it interlinked?” I asked him and he smiled. “You can call it a mind link yes” he sort of laughed before correcting me.

“Well.. either way… can I ask something?”

“Anything”

“Do you know how Paul feels about this?” This made Quill straighten his posture, feeling he was nervous again, he sat quiet for a moment. Almost as if he was deep in thought. I wondered how their mindlink was for them to experience.

“I know a little a bit about the mind link. You guys can understand each other in the pack… right? Or maybe you can explain it to me”

“Well… Yeah… it's hard to explain. I don't know what Paul thinks exactly including the others. But I can feel everyone’s emotion in the moment if that makes sense. If I tap in now I’ll know what he’s feeling but not what he’s thinking of or seeing specifically. An example is I can sense he’s angry but I won’t know what’s making him angry unless I ask. —Not saying he is angry right now! I’m just saying as an example. Just to be clear ok?"

“Oh? Oh okay…”

“The only one who can send ‘messages’ at any moment is the alpha. Our leader who is currently Sam. He can send and cross the boundaries in our mind at any given point. It’s like a huge group chat when we're wolves though. We can hear every thought from each other wether we like it or not. This is to help coordinate us but most of the time we’re all pissing each other off"

“Really?… That's actually really cool” I said smiling at him. Quill finally relaxed after explaining everything. Looking relieved and proud of how I was handling everything. Quill paused for a moment before scratching his head. Closing his eyes to breath in and out. He was deep in thought before he sat up to speak.

“From what I can pick up and understand is Paul feels… Worried”

“Worried? About what?” I asked and somehow this made Quill laugh. Confused I raised a brow at him. He shifted in his seat realizing his behavior.

“More like what aren’t we worried about. Look y/n we're dealing with the vampires, Victoria, the cullen family, Bella and Jacob their whole mess, shit just straight up surviving. Next is your sudden attack—”

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise. As if all the nerves in my body were being alerted. Looking around I didn’t realize Quill stopped mid sentence. He too could sense someone coming. Suddenly a truck revved in the approach.

It was a huge black truck, I hadn’t seen it before, even if I did I wouldn’t recognize who owned it. It wasn’t long before they parked. Out from the drivers door stood Paul his self.

Looking at my phone I realized I had missed a 2 texts from him. One asking if I was up, and another that he was on his way, I hadn’t checked my phone all morning. Paul looked so big, he was almost taller than his truck, seeing him come closer I felt my heart race. I didn't think he would show up so soon.

“Y/N”

“Paul”

I called out surprised as he walked up to the two of us. I couldn’t help but take note of his build and size. Quill got up and grabbed his hand, in turn Paul pulled him for a hug, they did briefly before they both patted each others back with strength.

“Well I appreciate it Quill. Truly. Don't be afraid to drop by more” I said as Quill came over to hug me next. He agreed before pulling away to make his exit. Suddenly my eyes met Paul's as he walked over to sit down in Quills spot.

“It was great seeing you y\n but I gotta go. I just wanted to stop in and check on you before this guy did. While I was on my break anyway” Quill said as Paul smiled at him.

“You were lucky to not be on morning shift you shitass” Paul replied. At this point I hardly seen him smile. It made him look more kind I noticed.

“Ill message you guys later” Quill said as he slightly smirked at me. I felt my face flush warm, across my nose and under my eyes, I didn't even want to face Paul in fear he'll see my face like this.

His eyes were dark and fierce. I wasn't scared but more nervous, I felt super aware of myself, and how I looked. I didn't expect to see him so soon. I wasn’t sure how to face him after everything.

We watched Quill run to the treeline. Quickly shifting into his wolf form. I gasped and paused to watch him. Amazed at such a sight although it was quick. Disappearing fast into the tree line.

“It's good to see you. How are you feeling?”

“Me?… I’ve been better… it’s good to see you too… What brings you by?” I asked finally sitting down back into my chair. Hoping I didn't come off as too nervous. He smirked and kept his stare into me.

“Well you of course. How did you sleep?” He asked looking at me more than curious. Saying such words as if it were matter of fact. Being around Paul in a setting like this, with his questions, it all made me blush.

“I uh… I slept okay after I had my meds… I didn't really get to thank you or any of you guys properly for the help you gave me” I said which made him shake his head no.

“There's no need for that. We're all just glad you're safe… And—” he had paused before closing his mouth. Looking like he was afraid to utter another word. I furrowed my brows waiting for him to finish.

“And?”

“… Unchanged… Look it's just… We were worried you might've…”

“Unchanged?… You mean turn into a Vampire? Like Victoria?”

I finished his words since he was apprehensive. Paul looked a bit shocked I said so before him. But he nodded and agreed with me. I felt my heart rate steadily rising. Thankful myself I wasn’t changed.

Paul's eyes trailed down to my neck. Except his stare was intense, eyes lingering, along the collar of my shirt. I felt I was under a microscope.

His eyes wondered everywhere for a moment. But somehow I didn’t mind. It reminded me of how Quill behaved just earlier. I looked at him as I spread the collar of my shirt slightly. I wasn’t sure why I was so willing to show him my wounds. Maybe because I knew he needed reassurance.

Finally I realized I was sitting with my neck and chest flushed open. Almost as if he noticed how it was making me feel he pulled back and adjusted his self. His stare softened as I fixed my shirt.

“Sorry… I just want to make sure you’re not too hurt…” he said explaining his self. Eyes peering downwards staring at his hands. I smiled at his somewhat meek behaviour.

“It's okay that's how Quill was too. But I'm fine now, really, there isn’t much wounds or scars thankfully. The meds help with what pain I have… And also…” I trailed on nervously. I wasn’t sure how to bring up the imprint situation with him. I wasn’t quite sure how sensitive this was to him.

But Paul held onto every word I was saying. He awaited for me to continue on. Looking at my lips while I talked.

“Uh… I had a talk with him and my grandmother. About everything so far…” I said as he leaned in closer. Raising his eyebrows I could tell he was earnest in what I had to say.

“It was… Hard when this first happened to me. But somehow I feel more at ease.. Especially with what I know now… I feel sorry for how I reacted last night… it wasn’t right of me”

Again Paul shook his head, this time he made sure to face me, I looked up back at him. My hearts pounding so loud now I wonder if he can hear it. I also wonder how sensitive their senses are since they’re wolves.

“Don't be sorry for anything. If anything it should be me apologizing. I really am sorry y\n. I wasn't fast enough to be there for you in time. I should’ve just came straight to your place instead of you walking to meet me. Hell I should’ve just picked you up as planned”

“Paul wait—”

“You were never supposed to be in involved in something like this. Ever. If I wasn’t so slow in meeting you this wouldn’t have happened at all—”

“Paul—”

“If I was even a second late to get to you—”

I felt my hand reach across to him. Instead of holding his hand I touched the arm of his chair. Like an instinct I felt I had to stop him from speaking anymore.

“But you weren’t a second late. You were able to save me before anything happened. There’s no use worrying over something that didn’t happen. I’m here alive and unchanged shouldn’t that matter?”

With how silent Paul became I wondered if I said something wrong. Or maybe he was the type of guy who didn’t like people interrupting him. Either way I felt as if I did something to him.

Paul looked surprised at my words as he looked at me. His gaze softened and he took a deep breath. I could see his huge shoulders relax as he nodded in agreement. His brows were still furrowed.

“No… You’re right… I am really glad you are here safe and sound… It does matter” A soft grin spread across his face. I wasn’t with him long but already I wondered why was I ever scared of a man like this. If he wanted to hurt me he would’ve just let Victoria have me. Why waste his time?

“So… You talked to Quill and your grandma? What did they have to say”

“Well… They tried helping me understand how shifting works and everything attached… including um…” I paused feeling my stomach doing flips trying to say imprinting. But with Paul here so close to me. Staring at me intently holding on to my every word. I felt so nervous to even bring it up.

It wasn’t just some connection, this is serious, imprinting is a literal soul connection. As much as I liked Paul I didn’t quite know him yet. And this is a serious soul tie that somehow links us. Paul laughed slightly as my face flushed red.

“You’re feeling better right? I know you’re still learning things. Especially about imprinting”he said not even shy to admit it. As if he was looking for a rise in me he paused. I scoffed at him which earned me another handsome smile from him.

“We don't have to figure out everything right now y\n. I know this is a lot for you so I don't want to push anything on to you”

“Actually I want to talk about this whole imprinting thing. If you're alright with that. The more that’s explained I feel better” I asked Paul to ensure he was ready. To which he nodded his head agreeing with me.

“That's fine. So, what do you want to know?” Paul asked me curious. I braced myself mentally for what I was about to bring up.

“It's just… I don't understand what makes our imprint connection” This had made him stunned from what I could tell. He leaned back in his chair thinking hard. Paul’s overall energy is intense, even though he’s nice, I can’t help but feel intimidated.

“Everyone else has their own… definition. Quill and Claire they're basically siblings… Emily and Sam are going to be married… What about us?” The more I spoke the more I felt my face flush warm. I felt as if I was poking a sleeping bear to wake. Or in this case a wolf. I didn't know Paul enough to know how'd he react.

“Well… I don't expect you to remember but back at Emily's. I had told you that we both decide what our connection is. This imprint bond connects us mind and body. But we have to define it. For now let's just decide to be friends” Paul said with a sincere smile. I felt myself relax at ease knowing his thoughts.

“Friends?” I questioned him also a bit surprised by his suggestion. Paul had sat up straight in his chair hearing me say this.

“Or I could just serve as your protector. Nothing more. Guard you and your home for the time being. You're probably feeling uneasy about Victoria and all the other leeches lurking around—”

“I wouldn't mind being friends with you Paul” I corrected him. Of course I wanted to be friends. I just didn't want to force anything onto him. Friends is a great start to try and navigate this connection.

His handsome face smiled at me once more. And I could feel my heart beat quicken whilst looking at him. It was crazy to think how this imprint bond strongly influenced me.

“Alright friends it is then. But I'll still be serving as your protector anyway”

“My protector huh? How generous”

“It really isn’t. It’s the least I can do after everything you went through. This is what my role is as your imprint” I could sense Paul was serious especially with his tone of voice. All I could do was nod my head in agreement. Soon Paul stood up from where he sat.

“You’re feeling better right? How do you feel about us going to Emily’s?” He asked me as he looked down at me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see everyone. I hesitated to answer to which I think he could sense my unease.

“I think it’d be good for you to talk to all of them. They’ve been worried about you also. And I’m sure they can help you adjust to all of… this” Paul suggested to which I gave a weak smile. I shrugged my shoulders before I stood up to join him. I was going to have to face all of them eventually.

“Sure… I mean it’s just…” I felt hesitant about going back to Emily’s. To which I tried to explain myself to Paul. Who had turned to face me. His huge figure made it feel as if he was looming right over me.

“Don't worry we'll just go for a bit. If you feel uncomfortable or it's too much ill drive you back home. OK?” Paul said trying to assure me. I nodded as we walked to his parked truck. He had followed me to my side of the truck. Opening the door for me to get in I was surprised by his manners. Instead of questioning I just got in.

I couldn't help but like him a little more after such a gesture. As he walked around back to the driver's seat I adjusted my hair. Worrying about my appearance. Getting in the truck he smirked before starting the engine. Pulling into reverse and exiting the approach. He handed me the aux cord to which I refused.

“You don't wanna play music? I have bluetooth if you don't wanna use the aux”

“It's alright, you can put something on, it's your truck” I said as he shrugged his shoulders. Using Bluetooth he connected his phone to the stereo. A familiar song came on that surprised me.

“Is this /favoritebandsname l playing right now?” I asked curiously as his smile widened. His dark eyes still on the road.

“You like them too?’

Paul asked to which I nodded my head profusely. It made me happy to at least have similar music taste. From how Paul is I assumed he'd be my opposite. He had turned the knob for the volume up, the music blaring out the truck, I started to feel better. Definitely more relaxed and calm than this morning.

The two of us drove down the road, windows slightly open, as music filled the air. As I tried to mentally prepare myself to face everyone back at Emily's. Although It was a comfort to know that Paul would be by my side through this. I braced myself for what has yet to come.

End of chapter 6 what y’all think? To stay updated on new chapters follow me and turn on notifications 🤍

[kaseyskat]

okay in honor of the little snippet i posted of this au yesterday, here is a little guide to the parent trap au! i don't plan on doing much else with it so i wanted to share in case y'all are interested hehe

-no faerun/magic, mercedes is on a longform journey of self discovery when she meets hen- the child of an infamous politican, who has spent his entire life stuck under said father's thumb. they connect pretty instantly!

-(also, they are both trans <3 and while mercedes has already socially transitioned, henry has not </3 it's one of the things they connect about)

-after a couple years of mercedes sticking around LA and dating henry in secret, the twins are born! unfortunately, this is also when barry discovers the relationship and. very much disapproves. his kid having even ONE child out of wedlock (let alone two!) is something he does NOT want for his reputation, and since henry hasn't left the house (not by his own volition), he's forced to reluctantly end the relationship with mercedes.

-mercedes leaves to go back to her brother's place in colorado, but not before her and henry agree to each take one of the twins- a reminder of their relationship. mercedes takes sparrow, henry keeps lark

-after a few years of raising lark quietly under his father's thumb, henry finally gets a job outside of his father's influence and is able to escape- mostly because he feared for lark's wellbeing. he gets his own place, cuts ties with his family, and strives to ensure that lark grows up happy and free.

-meanwhile, with the help from her brother, mercedes opens a witchery! she sells crystals and does tarot readings, and when sparrow's old enough, he starts helping.

-growing up separated means the twins are not nearly as similar as they are in canon. lark is quieter and more withdrawn while sparrow is cheery and affectionate. both of them make friends pretty easily though, and sparrow takes after mercedes in more ways than one- it wouldn't be a nyx au if sparrow weren't some flavor of trans and in here, where sparrow grows up with mercedes alone? yeah.

-when the twins are both thirteen, henry and mercedes send them to the same summer camp! it was something they had talked about when the twins were born, though neither one of them realized the other would REMEMBER.

-at the camp is when the twins really grow into the mischievous gremlins we know them as in canon. when they meet, they bounce off of each other's energy, causing mayhem and destruction wherever they go <3 my beloveds, truly

-towards the end of the camp is when they actually talk about how much they look alike, and their respective upbringings. lark complains about how his father's been flirting with a coworker and bringing him and his annoying son over for dinners, how henry is annoyingly overbearing and a pushover. sparrow, meanwhile, loves her mother so dearly! but she's always wanted to meet her father. it would be solving two birds with one stone to reconnect them, they both realize: sparrow would get the father she wants, and lark wouldn't have to deal with darryl and grant OR be the sole recipient of henry's affections!

-so naturally, they decide to switch places.

-lark cuts sparrow's hair to match his, sparrow teaches lark enough spanish to be passable with mercedes. they exchange tips for how to be each other- mostly for funsies, though, since the plan to get henry and mercedes back together doesn't really require them being each other, it's just part of the fun!

-the camp ends, they go back to the other's place with henry and mercedes both none the wiser. lark finds himself a little overwhelmed with how much mercedes immediately loves him and respects when he wants to be left alone, and though the witchery isn't his style, he finds his uncle fun to be around, and it's a little embarrassing, how easily he fits right in.

-sparrow, on the other hand, has such a hard time pretending to be lark. she finds henry's jokes to be a genuine delight - to the point that she has to hide her face in her sleeves to stop herself from smiling - and thrives under the affection he lavishes onto her.

-so naturally, she cracks first, spilling to henry after a few weeks that she's actually sparrow and that lark is with mercedes. as my little snippet shows: it's a very teary confession.

-the only way to switch back now is for henry and mercedes to meet up! with sparrow and lark negotiating with their respective parents, henry and sparrow end up going to the witchery themselves- mostly because at this point, mercedes still doesn't know about the swap (lark thought it would be a nice surprise for her, having henry and sparrow show up on her doorstep)

-and what a surprise it is! sparrow's happy to be home, lark is surprisingly happy to see his father, and henry and mercedes - now both in a position where they can actually rekindle their relationship and be with each other without fear of outsiders - instantly reconnect.

-plus, lark and sparrow make a strong case for how they're better off together and really shouldn't henry and mercedes try to do SOMETHING to ensure they can see each other?

-(and, as a bonus: lark and sparrow DO TRY to ward off darryl once henry and mercedes are back together in the form of what happens in the movie! but. well. polyamory exists <333)

[lgbtqmanga]

New Releases June 13, 2023

At 30, I Realized I Had No Gender: Life Lessons From a 50-Year-Old After Two Decades of Self Discovery by Shou Arai

At age 30, Shou Arai came to a realization; they had no gender. Now they were faced with a question they'd never really considered: how to age in a society where everything is so strongly segregated between two genders? This autobiographical manga explores Japanese culture surrounding gender, transgender issues, and the day to day obstacles faced by gender minorities and members of the LGBTQIA+ community with a lighthearted, comedic attitude.

The Dragon's Betrothed vol. 2 by Meguru Hinohara

Troubled writer Chiharu Izunome is betrothed to Rin, the local water dragon god. Despite Rin’s gentle demeanor, when a supernatural intruder threatens his husband-to-be, the angry deity unleashes the full might of his beastly fury, injuring Chiharu in the process! With Rin’s destructive power so clearly laid out, fear displaces the fragile affection growing in Chiharu’s heart. Can he truly learn to love someone monstrous?

Even Though We're Adults vol. 6 by Takako Shimura

It’s finally time: Ayano tells her parents that she has left Wataru and has fallen for someone else. And that someone is a woman. When the news breaks, Wataru finally gives up on trying to make things work, which means the wall between Ayano and Akari’s love has now been knocked down. Meanwhile, Eri struggles with her feelings for a married man. Is there a way out of this labyrinth for anyone?

If My Favorite Pop Idol Made It to the Budokan, I Would Die vol. 1 by Auri Hirao

When it comes to idol group Cham Jam, Eripiyo is the oldest — and perhaps only — fan of Maina Ichii. Despite Eripiyo's enthusiastic support, Maina is the least popular member of the group, but that doesn't deter Eripiyo, even though she spends so much of her money that she only has a single outfit of her own. But her love for Maina doesn't waver, even if she knows she might never be noticed for it!

Last Gender vol. 3 by Rei Taki

Welcome to "BAR California", a place where people with different genders, propensities, and sexual orientations gather to find a certain "something".

A transgender bisexual who has been hurt by the voices of others, a pansexual looking for true love, and a person who identities as both male and female. There are as many sexualities as there are people.

FINAL VOLUME

Old-Fashioned Cupcake by Sagan Sagan

A visit to a pancake shop leads to an unexpected May-December romance that breathes life into the monotonous routine of an older salaryman.

At 39 years old, Nozue lives a routine, if not melancholic, life of sleep and work. Togawa, his younger subordinate, finds it troubling and takes it upon himself to shake up Nozue’s routine. During a lunch outing, the two go to a pancake shop full of exuberant young ladies to “do what girls do,” and it’s just the thing to breathe life into Nozue. The two men start an unlikely friendship - and perhaps something a little sweeter!

Qualia the Purple: The Complete Manga Collection Omnibus collects volumes 1-3 by Hisamitsu Ueo and Sirou Tsunasima

Through Yukari’s uncanny purple eyes, all people look just like robots. Her talent is both a blessing and a curse–she’s an asset to the police, with her “skill” allowing her to evaluate humans at a glance, but her strange sight has cost her the friendship of her peers. Luckily, she does have one friend in her corner: Hatou “Gaku” Manabu, a girl at school who cares deeply for Yukari. But when Yukari is recruited to join a secret organization, the real trouble begins. Gaku is thrust into a realm of mystery, quantum experimentation, and alternate universes, with only her wits–and her love for Yukari–to guide her along the way.

The Summer You Were There vol. 3 by Yuama

At Kaori’s gentle urging, Shizuku reaches out to Ruri, the girl she bullied back in elementary school. All Shizuku wants is to apologize, but it soon becomes clear that even that won’t be so easy. Things take a dramatic turn when Kaori faints, and Shizuku learns that Kaori’s been keeping a big secret. Now, with everything out in the open, will things between the two girls ever be the same again?

Why I Adopted My Husband: The True Story of a gay couple seeking legal recognition in Japan by Yuta Yagi

As a gay couple living in Japan (where gay marriage is not yet legal), Yuta and Kyota have found a unique loophole in order for the government to recognize their union: Kyota adopted Yuta.

This nonfiction manga depicts how the two men met and fell in love, their life together for the last twenty years, their struggle to communicate their relationship to their families, their anxieties about the future, and their determination to live happily and carefree as any other married couple, while they strive for independence and equal rights in a changing cultural landscape.

X-Gender vol. 2 by Asuka Miyazaki

Covid-19 has hit Japan, and Asuka is struggling. Not only has the serialization of X-Gender been delayed due to the virus, the closure of Poker Face and other bars means they’ve lost access to their community. Can they find a way to stave off the loneliness, while also dealing with their fear of getting sick?

[hsmtmtsnet]

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series season 4 is shaping up to be the show’s most nostalgic season yet, and PEOPLE has the exclusive First Look at the stars in character, including Joshua Bassett (Ricky), Sofia Wylie (Gina), Julia Lester (Ashlyn), Dara Reneé (Kourtney), Frankie Rodriguez (Carlos), Joe Serafini (Seb), Liamani Segura (Emmy) and more. 

Following a transformative summer away at camp, the new season follows the East High students as they enter their senior year — and it doesn’t take long before the drama picks up, both on and off stage. As the students prepare to put on a stage production of High School Musical 3: Senior Year, their plans are quickly derailed when it’s announced that Disney is making the long-awaited High School Musical 4: The Reunion movie at their high school, and they'll all be playing featured extras. 

When PEOPLE visited the HSMTMTS set last year, many of the stars teased that this season feels like a “full-circle” moment as many OG High School Musical stars make cameos, including Corbin Bleu, Monique Coleman, Lucas Grabeel, Bart Johnson, Alyson Reed and Kaycee Stroh. 

“We've been manifesting it since day one and here we are four seasons later and we finally get to be with the OG Wildcat Group,” explains Lester, 23. “They embody the OG Wildcat spirit, we embody this new Wildcat spirit, and two groups blended together has been so wonderful.” 

Bassett, 22, adds that it was especially moving to witness the OG HSM cast’s emotional response to returning to East High nearly 15 years after the final film wrapped. “It was really special to share that,” he says. “It was truly a beautiful thing and beyond what we were hoping for to have so many original people back.”

This season will also feature two new recurring cast members who stir things up for the East High students.

Descendants: The Rise of Red’s Kylie Cantrall plays social media star Dani, who sounds like an HSMTMTS take on Ashley Tisdale's Sharpay. “She likes the spotlight and when she wants something, she goes and gets it, even if it means stepping on people's toes a little bit,” teases Cantrall, 17.

Meanwhile, Doogie Kameāloha, M.D. star Matthew Sato joins the cast as a sitcom actor named Mack, who he says “develops a really interesting relationship” with Gina as the season progresses. 

Naturally, this season will feature countless nods to the original HSM franchise with the music, storylines and even costumes. “It is so meta,” showrunner Tim Federle says of season 4. “It's like Inception with jazz hands at this point. I think there are Easter eggs in every episode.” 

The major storylines in this season also draw inspiration from the third High School Musical movie, as many of the characters go on journeys of self-discovery in their final year at East High. 

“We chose High School Musical 3 because they're literally graduating,” Federle says of the significance behind the students’ musical for this year. “Troy and Gabriela have these stories about being potentially pulled apart by circumstance and by growing up and that's exactly what Ricky and Gina are going through,” he adds of Bassett and Sofia Wylie’s characters, who share a passionate kiss at the end of season 3. 

As for that season 3 cliffhanger, Bassett teases that fans will continue to see the “aftermath” of that relationship in the upcoming season. “They're both really nervous about getting it right,” he says of Ricky and Gina. “It’s fun to see [them] in this light and actually see them in a healthy relationship because I think both of them have had pretty not great relationships.” 

Relationship drama and big decisions are key themes in season 4 as the characters prepare to graduate high school. “Kourtney is going through these massive decisions about wanting it all as a college student,” teases Federle, 43. “Ashlyn goes on a journey where she discovers her own queerdom in the series.” 

“Those are all things we're able to address in a way that I think celebrates the original franchise but puts a stamp on it in our own way,” Federle adds.  

As for what Federle hopes the show’s final stamp will be? The importance of community. “In the streaming era, there's something real about the phrase ‘It's now or never,’” he explains. “[To] still be on the air after four seasons is a blessing alone.” 

“I hope what people take away [from the series] is that in a mean, mean world, it's really important to find your people who have your back,” he adds. “The world is mean enough, and there are certain pockets of the world that you can find your people and soar and not apologize for who you are.” 

He continues, “That goes for our audience, and that goes for these characters and ultimately, it goes for the real-life cast, hoping from me that they carry this with them for the rest of their lives. That they had a place to go that was safe and where they were celebrated for all of their colors.”

“This was my first TV show,” he adds. “And what I promised Disney was that if they let me hire real theater kids, they wouldn't let me down. I'm so proud of them because when the world beats them up, they still show up for me and for each other.”

[emsuemsu]

@hprecfest day 24: holiday fic

I didn’t prep anything for the 22nd and 23rd and I've been sick and still am, so I just skipped those but…

A few words in advance for todays recs. My dumbass brain really fucking thought holiday as in GOING ON A HOLIDAY. As in GOING ON A VACATION. I really had zero thoughts running through my mind regarding this. I thought of re-doing this but man... I'm tired. And the weather truly is frightful here, so I was really happy with the summery vibes going on with these recs. So here you go, couple of my fav vacay fics on Christmas eve 🌚

The Coefficient of Friction by @13pawns 🩵 18,080 words, draco/harry

The war is over, the Death Eater trials are complete, life in the wizarding world is finally getting back to normal, and Harry Potter is restless. Unsure of what he really wants and growing increasingly confused in his personal life, Harry decides to take a holiday—alone—to clear his mind and find himself. He books a trip to a wizarding resort, expecting to be the lone guest, only to find out Draco Malfoy will be there as well. Falling back on old habits, Harry determines Malfoy must be up to something. In his search to uncover Malfoy’s secrets, Harry inadvertently does what he had meant to all along—find himself.

This is such a perfect example of "Harry Potter thinks Draco Malfoy is up to something". He's such a fucking creep honestly. I had such a fun time reading this story, the second-hand embarrassment is real. The Greek beach vibes are vibing hard. I love me a little self-discovery while on a vacation, all my personal milestones of self-discovery I’ve achieved on a holiday.

Starkissed by @zigster-ao3 🩵 32,631 words, draco/harry

“Your tattoos!” The intruder says, boldly stepping over Ron’s chaise and crossing in front of Hermione to get to Harry, eyes wide and hungry. Harry immediately sits up, pulling the towel draped across the back of his chair down over his shoulders.  “No! Don’t cover them. They’re beautiful.” . Harry hopes an indulgent trip abroad will help shake him out of the doldrums of his life. What he finds once he gets to Venice is more than he ever expected.

This fic and this art lives in my head rent free for all of eternities. I could read 500k of this universe, the fatis atramento is such a clever and intriguing thing to come up with. And who doesn't love the Italian summer? I absolutely adore everything in this story, the OC's are magnificent, such a beautiful, sexy read.

Terrible People by @wolfpants & art by @getawayfox 🩵 52,801 words, draco/harry

What happens when Harry and Draco end up on the same Muggle gay cruise? They certainly didn't plan for it to happen (but their friends might have). They're stuck with each other for a week, they might as well make the most of it, right? Featuring a holiday-long game of Truth or Dare, a very ill-judged FWB proposition, decades-long pining, lots of gin, and a small pair of green swimming trunks.

There's nothing I love more than enemies to fwb to lovers-trope when talking about Drarry. It is the ultimate best thing in the whole wide world. This fic had me delirious and left me spiraling. It's incredibly warm and funny and steamy and hot and everything I need in the debts of winter and more. I am a slut for slutty Harry here. I swear I got a tan just from reading this story, the mediterranean vibes are so spot on. I'm booking a one-way ticket down there as we speak. The gorgeous art has me absolutely floored, merry fucking christmas to me 😌

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #32:

Zuma, Final

My family of five often does not appreciate Shakey Sundays.

We spent 11 hours in the car yesterday and for much of the time my 15 year old daughter was running the Spodify queue. Adele belted, Lucy Dacus ruminated and Valerie June crooned from the speakers, each of them universally appreciated.

But I initially shied away from suggesting any Neil Young. My family, I'm sorry to admit, can be Shakey Shunners.

I could have played I'm the Ocean; my wife would have been happy - she'll cite that track as her favorite Neil song (after I remind her for the 451st time that Helplessly Hoping is Stephen Freakin' Stills' work, not Shakey's). But by the time Neil declared "people my age..." my 19 year old son would have asked "how long is this song?" and my 15 year old would have asked for the whole thing to be turned the hell down.

Alternatively I could have played Wrecking Ball, but my 22 year old eldest would have asked if Young regularly covers Emmylou Harris and why we weren't listening to her original.

And had I played Farmer John or T Bone everyone would have demanded my head. Seriously: I once played Light My Fire - The Doors' Life My Fire! - on a family road trip and was told by my sainted wife that doing so was "mean to everyone." And earlier this summer I went ahead and made two of my kids listen to Neil's Opera Star, thereby granting them all grounds for mocking me with disgust for the next 60 years.

And so I requested Zuma's closing track, Through My Sails, yesterday with a sinking heart. The song required playing; after all, I needed to write about it so as to finish off this entire, wonderful-for-me-at-least, Zuma project (thanks for hanging in there, by the way: if you read all six entries give yourself a pat on the back from yours truly). But I felt sure that the whole thing would crash land me into familial sighs and mockery.

But no! "This is actually a nice song, dad," offered my generous 19 year old midsong. "Yeah, it actually doesn't suck," quoth my daughter. "Helplessly Hoping is better though," offered my wife - who again had forgotten the fundamental difference between Neil the Young and Stephen the Hutt.

Through My Sails truly does not suck; rather, it's a lovely and thoughtful end to an incredibly dynamic and rich record. Neil employs his occasional bandmates Cranky, Silly and Needy to wonderful ends in the track: he did the guitar and all his singing on his own without them, then gave them a late invite. The harmonies they eventually supplied are under control for once and shimmer with warmth. But Neil's the star here: the wind in his sails allows him to chart pensive, yearning waters, considering where he is at with love and self-discovery.

15 or so years ago I attended an engagement party for my buddy Ned and his wonderful bride-to-be at his parents' house. The town troubadour had been hired for the event - the kind of guy who turns up in the corner of the pub on a Friday afternoon to cover Jimmy Buffet and Jasmine in My Mind. But Ned, who regularly navigates all kinds of tunnels and fire, had given the guy clear marching orders: play Neil Young.

And so the dude rolled out Heart of Gold, and, of course, Old Man. "Play us a deep track," I encouraged him. "What else you got?"

And then, I kid you not, Joe Troubadour played Though My Sails. Neil had, to my knowledge, performed the song just once in his own wonderfully ragged life at that point - and that was for Zuma. But suddenly there was this regular guy, sitting on a humble stool amidst cocktailed party goers, all with their shirts tucked in, and he was tracking the changes to one of Neil's great and largely forgotten songs.

I sang along that evening, unaware of all the unexpected and unfair hardships that lay ahead for my great buddy Ned, and for us all. Indeed, it took one of those hardships - we're talking Covid - for Young to remember this song himself, and finally share it with us anew during one of his fireside sessions.

Even so, this song, and the entire album that precedes it, always gives me hope. There's a lot of ugly out there, just like there's a lot of rage and worry in Zuma. But the record's beauties are vast and real.

Thanks for soaring with me into its paradise this past week.

[panstardalia]

After the Summer #5: Tea Party

Masterlist: here!

Content: BBU; institutionalized slavery; dehumanization (mentioned); pet whump; past beating up, whipping, starvation, self harm, sexual abuse/non-con and chemical torture (mentioned); multiple whumpees; self doubt. Whumpees are going to share some experiences.

Discomfort was not a foreigner concept for Noelle, as they had been trained to ignore such things. But it was before, when they were a pet under the threats of a mad man. Now, after weeks of being treated as a human being, it was getting harder and harder to let little things slide. It took them a while to figure out what was bugging them, but it finally clicked during a movie night with everyone.

Beside them on the couch, sharing a duvet with Noelle, Allen had his eyes on the screen. Oliver and Victor were on the ground, their blanket forgotten at their feet, and their faces were not visible. On the other end of the couch, Noelle could feel two pairs of eyes piercing them constantly. Miss Lily was good at pretending to watch the movie, but Des was much less subtle. They were worried, evaluating Noelle's reactions to every scene, leading them to believe they have watched this movie before, in a past life they didn't remember.

It was always like this, they realized. Everyone was so concerned, distraught even, walking on eggshells to avoid triggering another crisis, another waking nightmare.

The old Noelle, the one from the old pictures, had straight shoulders and a bright smile despite the scars on their wrist. Their eyes were light blue and their hair looked so soft. This present Noelle, however, had a shrunken posture and opaque gray eyes, thin hair and a bar code covering the faded horizontal marks. They were not the friend the others expected to rescue, the one they missed for a year, and none of them knew how to deal with that.

The more cautious those people acted, the more cloistered Noelle felt. With Master, they were conscious of every move they were supposed to make. Obviously, the punishments were dreadful and Noelle surely didn't want to go back to, not even remember those times, but it was inevitable to compare situations: now they would not be actually punished, but not knowing what they should do was as bad as a whipping session when people you love have so much sorrow in their eyes.

Noelle wanted to know how to ease their pain so bad...

"Please excuse me..." They stood up cautiously to avoid stepping on Victor and Oliver.

"You okay?" Oliver raised his head to look at them, and his voice also had that worried tone that caged Noelle's heart.

"Yes." They whispered. "You guys keep watching. I'll be right back."

Noelle ran on their tip toes and hid in their room. With their back pressed against the closed door, they took deep breaths just like Miss Lily have taught. Even without past memories, Noelle really loved those people, the Firefly family, and felt so, so greateful for everthing they were doing. Each one of them was so special and full of light. Noelle just wanted to be light as well, to be as colorful and luminous as them, but Master was always hiding in the shadows as a reminder of everything that could never be again.

"Knock-knock" Allen's voice said on the other side. "May I come in, please?"

Noelle would have hesitated had it been anyone else. Allen was different, though. They were not sure if it was because of the romantic feelings fluctuating between them, their story emerging everytime their hands touched, or if it was because he understood Noelle better than anyone. He knew what to do when they woke up screaming in the middle of the night and when they forgot how to be a human being. He was truly there and it would never be appreciated enough.

The door opened in a silent movement and the boy touched Noelle's shoulders. They wouldn't have imagined his touch would be so comfortable after the discovery of their past together. They used to be a couple, to share kisses, hold hands and... well, Noelle didn't really know how far they both have gone. But they knew Allen wasn't demanding anything from them.

"I would never expect anything of this sort from you" he had said on that occasion. "I just want you to feel like your own person again. Then maybe one day, when you feel in charge, you will want to be my joyfriend once more. Maybe not. Maybe you will find out a boyfriend doesn't fit in your new life, or that this is not me." His smile was sad, but also genuine. He meant every single word. "No matter how it goes... I love you so much, Noelle. I promise you... I will support you every day until you can walk on your own and forever on."

This is why his touch was so warm: because it was home. So Noelle leant their head on his shoulder and let him hug them. Slowly, their arms involved his body as well. They both stayed like that for a while, hugging by the closed door, and after a couple minutes, Allen wraped a lock of Noelle's hair around his finger and muttered softly:

"I know it has been difficult for you. Painful, even. I know I am about to ask for the moon, but I need you to stay with me on this one. Is that alright?"

Noelle wondered how was that boy able to have an elfin british accent if he was asian. They also wondered how he could make them feel so seen.

As Allen felt the small nod, he proceeded.

"I think you need to talk" He whispered. "About this past year. The others, they... they don't know such violence... none of us can even imagine the horrors you suffered. It is making you feel distant, but we cannot push our way in. You are the only one who can open this door."

Noelled raised their head to look at him. His face, always so calm and sweet, still so melancholic, wasn't enough to mask what he said.

"They don't know violence." Noelle repeated. "Do you, Allen?"

He supressed a flinch in between his love's arms. "I do... but it was a long time ago... it took me a long time to trust anyone again. But I trusted you. I let you in, and now I have a family" Allen hesitated, not sure where to look at. "You don't have to talk to me, or Lily, or anyone specifically... but I think talking about it would be good for you."

The idea of vocalizing all the beating, whipping and yelling was already heavy enough, but Noelle plunged even deeper. They thought about how they felt humiliated and helpless, how they were always scared and how devoted they felt towards that man. No one would hear about it and still see a human being afterwards.

"I can't" they sobbed weakly, even though no tears fell. "I have trouble even feeling like a person... if I tell anyone about this... you would understand why I am just a filthy rat."

Immediately, Allen's arms tightened around Noelle.

"Don't you dare repeating this ever again" He menaged to sound soft, yet harsh at the same time. "You are the most lively and brightful person I know. Even now, after this long excruciating night... you are still a sweet and cozy sunshine."

Noelle didn't answer for a while. Again, they didn't feel like a sunshine, a fireplace, not even a candle or a lit match. The old Noelle, maybe. They didn't want Allen to mourn this memory.

"I wish I could talk..." they said at last. "But I can't. I can't risk it, it is physically impossible."

"Maybe..." Allen took a step back, making that adorable idea face. "Maybe you could talk to someone who understands you."

---------------------------------------

So there they were, sitting by a thoroughly set table with cakes, breads, little sandwiches, tea and juice. It looked like a scene from a cottagecore movie, maybe a Studio Ghibli movie even, with little flowers between dishes and a very detailed tea set. It was beautiful.

There were two other people there, both looking much more at ease than Noelle. The tall and skinny boy did look like he had the sun in his chest, his welcoming smile and gentle eyes allowing them to relax bit by bit. The girl, on the other hand, was clearly as shy as Noelle, using her colored hair to cover her face. The two of them had only one common feature: the collar scar on their necks matching their own.

"I'm Henry Abels, he/him pronouns" said the boy cheerfully. "And this is my friend Violet, she/her. Welcome to the Pet Lib Unnoficial Support Club. It is really nice to meet you. What is you name?"

"Noelle. Keyland" they frowned, fishing out the memory of Miss Lily explation about pronouns. "I use they/them, because I'm neither a man nor a woman."

"That's so cool" Violet raised her chin, looking genuinely interested. "I kinda get you. I'm a girl, but everyone from my past treated me as a boy. They even made me believe I was a boy by using that drug, The Drip. But I think gender identity is stronger than brainwash."

"It looks like Violet likes you already" with a chuckle, Henry took a sip of his tea. "You see, Noelle, this is supposed to be a safe space. People like us need this. We truly understand each other's fears and pain, in one way or another. Violet, Rudy and I usually talk shit about our old masters and handlers, but today we are here to shelter you. We're here for you."

"Not Rudy, tho" The girl said with a cupcake halfway her mouth. "Where is your boyfriend?"

"He is really sorry he couldn't come today" Henry smiled apologetically. "He has a medical exam today. You know, his handlers really overused The Drip, so he still has those side effects..."

"I hope he gets better soon..." she muttered before focusing on her cupcake.

Noelle took a minute to process a new information. That boy right in front of them had just talked about his boyfriend. Bigger than that, even, his boyfriend was also a former pet. Someone just like them, who felt so far from the real world, had a real romantic relationship! It was so hard to believe, they couldn't help but having questions.

"You have a boyfriend..." they whispered hesitantly. "How is that possible? Don't you feel... too shattered for that?"

Regret filled Noelle's chest immediately. How dare tham talk to anyone like that? But for their surprise, Henry just smiled tenderly and replied in a soft tone.

"I did. When Pet Lib rescued me, I was a total mess. It was almost as bad as being under my old master's custody. I was so afraid all the time, I cried non-stop and I was even starving myself. But then I met him at the official recovery facility and... gods, he was as fucked up as I was. I'm not sure how we did that, but we bonded over this. We supported each other and everything became a little less terrifying. However, it took us a long time to feel whole and secure enough to begin a real relationship."

"They are very cute together" Violet poured Noelle some tea. "Rudy is almost non verbal due to his distrust, but he is actually a very sweet guy once he opens up. He was a Guard Dog pet, so it is understandable he doesn't talk much."

"Do you talk about your life as pets just like this?" It was difficult for Noelle to believe such a thing.

"It takes time to feel comfortable enough about that" once again Henry gave them a tender smile. "Feel free to try, to fail and try again or not."

After a second pondering about it, Noelle pressed their lips and shrugged. "Could you two, maybe... talk about yours first?"

"Me first!" If Violet seemed shy minutes ago, she was a totally different person now. Henry had said she liked Noelle, but they could not understand why was that. "So. I was a Domestic, but my owner was a mad scientist. Actually he was a pharmaceutical. Well, he used me as a test subject, so my head is pretty messed up. I was rescued some months ago, but just like Rudy, I still feel the side effects."

Her story made Noelle's stomach hurt. It sounded so gruesome, terrifying at least. They put themself in her shoes and imagined being constantly abused with different substances in their body. An uncomfortable shiver was enough to convince them to stop thinking about it.

"How about..." they decided to ask instead. "How about your memories? Did they take long to return?"

"I barely have memories from my past" Violet shook her head. "The guys from Pet Lib couldn't find my family and I remember nothing but being misgendered, so..."

"I'm so sorry..." mumbled Noelle, heart shrunken. Months, she had said, and still no memories. What if they were the same?? What if their memories were lost forever?? ... Was Noelle faded to never remember Allen and their story?

"Don't be" the girl sounded upset, but far from devastated, like it was a minor issue, not her whole life lost. "It's sad, but... I'm okay. I've recently moved out the Pet Lib quarters and I'm taking little steps towards independence. I'm finally a free girl and I have people to share this with. If the past is important, it's going to reach me eventually. It did for Henry."

Noelle turned their head to look at the blond boy, curious. He must have read through their face, because he giggled sweetly and said "It is true. Pet Lib was having a hard time finding my family, but a coincidence put everything together."

"How so?" Noelle's interest was too picked to be timid. Was he about to give them the answer?

"Well..." he took another sip of his tea. "It turns out nobody noticed I am a foreigner. Obviously, neither did I. But someone at the facility decided to watch a movie from my homeland, which is Norway, by the way, and hearing my home language triggered some memories. After that, they were able to find my dad and he came to pick me up. Since there are no qualified facilities in Norway and I was already attached to Rudy, he decided to stay here, and here I have been living as Henry Abels, the human, for the last fifteen months."

At first, his report made Noelle wither. They were not a foreigner, so his recipe to success would not work for them. On the other hand, however... he found his blood family. Maybe it was time for them to insist with Miss Lily to meet their blood family, because they were sure there was someone out there. It had to be.

"What kind of pet were you?" they said under their breath, wanting to hear more about the joyful boy.

For the first time, Henry's smile quivered. When he answered, his voice sounded tired. "I was a Romantic. For five long years. It feels like an eternity..." he hesitated, but just like he was able to see through Noelle's fears, he continued. "I still feel disgusted when I think about how committed I was to Logan. I would smile at him and the pinnacle of my day was when he touched me. Oh, was it repulsive... I wish I could forget it entirely, but he is still waiting for me in my nightmares every once in a while."

Silence fell back on the table. Noelle felt so sorry for Henry they could cry. Even if they knew what it was like to be used as a sexual tool, it felt like they would never be able to truly understand how painful it was for Henry. His story was more relatable, but everything felt so wrong.

Violet and Henry were too human to go through such dread. None of them deserved their stories, those harmful memories. Noelle, on the other hand, still felt like a filthy rat. They were not the same.

"I can now remember who I was before" Henry lowered his eyes. "I used to be a stuborn stone head child. My own father confessed I was not the same and it hurt so much. I felt like I would never be able to be human again, much less the same. But then he said I didn't need to..." he smiled, and little tears were visible in his eyes. "He said that I was back in his arms and it was more than enough. That I could be anyone, I would still be his son."

He used his hand to dry his tears. Violet touched his arm, unable to relate to his feeling. Nevertheless, she was there for her friend. Not everything about former pets was relatable, but everyone have suffered more than anyone would ever deserve. Noelle understanded it now. Both Violet and Henry, who were tortured in so different ways, and even Rudy probably, had bonded over the feeling of having lost everything including themselves.

"How can you always say the right thing, Henry...?" Asked Noelle, also wiping tears. They smiled briefly before taking a deep breath and anouncing a decision: "I think I'm ready to share my story, now."

[fansandtheic]

Daniel's Story

Eragon was the first book I was gifted from my grandmother when I was like 8 or 9. I would visit her every summer and we made sure that we read the newest release before I visited so we could talk about it. Fast forward to me now at 25, relistening and smiling thinking of those memories. Beyond this, Eragon's journey of self discovery and hardship truly resonates with me even more to this day, as I had to embark on a journey of my own after leaving an abusive relationship. I relate to his feelings of being a fish out of water but then slowly but surely finding his place in the world, though not the one he ever expected. In the end it almost feels like my grandma gifted me more than just a book, she gifted me a friend.

[loverinali]

This is normal, right? :)

Okay, basically my game updated and in a desperate attempt to not go insane I decided to play vanilla (but sims without CC give me the ick) and that's how...

were born!

First things first I must present Hammy Hammerson to y'all - she was made with the CAS stories quiz. She's a Loner, clumsy and creative adult sim with the Computer Whiz aspiration.

She decided to start a new life in Willow Creek, living as her true self... a giant hamster!

The first day in her new home her neighbors came by to say hi!

"oh yeah, last year a green bear lived across the street haha" - Summer, probably

There's was a special someone that caught Hammy's attention, and the mood changed quickly from there...

Striking a sexy pose! Go Hammy get yourself a man! He was responding SO well I guess it's because they're both huge nerds

She ate- I mean kissed Travis and invited him to stay the night once everybody else had left which means... that they had some woohoo

Travis Scott likes furries.

Next day she left for work (she's a freelance writer), feeling nauseous for not wearing her costume and pregnancy.

In the afternoon Travis came to check how she was doing and hang out for a while (boyfriend goals)

Then she enjoyed the solitude of her home and started writing a Children's book, probably to explain to their future children why their mom lives as a hamster

I was hoping that she burned down the kitchen but had no luck

Next day she asked Travis to come and asked him to move in! (definitely not because she needs more money)

Hammy made a trip to the park even though the baby could arrive at any moment!

I found a pretty mad woman making her way back to her house. She must hate rodents!

Katrina doesn't know how to feel about this

Hammy's back hurts from being so awesome!

I made them do two of these discoveries quests and they were rewarded with strange looking potions of dubious source.

So ofc Hammy drank one and she felt so inspired she went back to writing when suddenly...

IT'S BABY TIME! Welcome to the world Hammy II!

The last day of this adventure they BOTH left for work leaving their newborn daughter alone. They truly are the parents of the year!

So I made Travis come back and hire a nanny, I didn't know he couldn't go back to work so he stayed enjoying his day while the nanny took care of the baby

And that's all for now! stay tuned for the next episode! (when TS4 gets a update and I have to take all my mods out) bye!

[stepffan]

^ some thoughts off of this post-SCI interview with Shoma (translated w/ DeepL in the img above)

this is gonna be really long so i'm putting it under a cut i just need to get it off my chest so i can study for my fucking midterm tomorrow

I know he's talked about this a few times now, the not trying to show more in competition than what he does in practices, but I'm so curious how this approach is going to affect the development of his programs through the season. I'm a new fan (circa Beijing Olys) so have never followed a season from the beginning before, so please take this with a grain of salt -- perhaps this is how he has always performed in his first competition of the season compared to the summer shows.

But in SCI 2022 Shoma just seemed to embody a totally different energy than before -- he was a little bit off on the timing in both the short and the free -- the short was off from the beginning, while for the free I THINK Shoma fell behind at the beginning of tormenta, but then caught up. I think he's taking the time to think and be present in his performances, which is ... going to mean some coarser performances in the beginning, but this more "relaxed" approach is probably better for his actual growth, and I think by January we could be seeing one of Shoma's best seasons yet. It's just really exciting to me that he seems to be getting more comfortable with himself, more self-aware than ever, and that presence shows when he's on the ice now.

I've talked before about how beautiful I find the unconscious and self-negating qualities of his past performances. Truly, no one at his level skates like that. It's insane, it's like witnessing ego death to watch his old programs. To put it in a less flattering way, I am astounded at how he managed to get that good while being that dumb. Like, that is definitely a form of genius on its own lmao

Anyway, the only thing that could supercede that for me, is to witness that same skater, who has refined his performance and technique to such a high level in that unconscious, precocious state, finally start coming into his own and learning how to embody himself in his skating. Because what he's bringing to the table is totally different from skaters who've had that sense of presence and identity from the beginning, and consequently developed their skating with that concurrent presence of mind, because there's a differential between what they want to show, and what they can show (due to limited experience, technical ability). If the growth of their self-consciousness outpaces the growth of their skating, then that unevenness shows in their performance, and ends up informing the growth of their skating in significant ways. Whereas for Shoma, his timeline is totally reversed and jumbled. "It's really fun to come to this self-awareness, that I keep improving day by day," he says, a 24-year old skating uncle. It's so rare to see this process of discovery occur in someone who's already so skilled. He does not have to wait for his technique and performance to catch up, or worry about his skills frustrating his ability for self-expression, because they're already firmly in place. He has every tool at his disposal to enable his self-expression and take control of his art.

The on/off switch between Shoma's performance and his off-ice persona is already becoming less apparent to me, because he is starting to carry himself in his performances (and also becoming more well-adjusted as a person off-ice, IMO). Both Shoma's programs this season involve slower, more prolonged movements that are easier for judges/viewers to scrutinize than more choreographically fast-paced programs (in more energetic programs, a skater can sacrifice a certain degree of precision as long as they have rhythm and ~*~*vibes*~*~, a la Nathan. And that's not necessarily a critique; it's understandable & expected for a skater dancing for their life out there, on top of performing physically taxing jumps, to get a bit sloppy with their gestures). They require that high level of refinement. But on the other hand, Shoma has demonstrated that he can execute that level of precision, and these programs give him the opportunity to demonstrate it -- his refinement, musicality, and all his other strengths as a seasoned, veteran skater. More importantly, he seems really engaged with the process, really present and really excited about being present lmao. I think we will get to see a whole different type of skating from him, and this could really be his best season to date, guys ;u;

[hayh]

Introduction

Once upon a time,in a small village in the Philippines,a mischievous child named asniya was born,little did anyone know that this pint-sized troublemaker would grow up to have a life filled with hilarious escapades, unexpected twists, and unforgettable moment.Join me as I take you on a journey through the extraordinary life of haya where laughter, adventure, and a dash of chaos await at every turn.

Hi! My named is Asniya I was born in july. It was a magical moment when new member came to family together be brighten with a purpose - to assist and befriend like you. But let's rewind a bit and start from the beginning. The Early Years,In the early days of my existence, l learning and evolving with each interaction. My creators nurtured me, feeding me with knowledge and teaching me the art of conversation. I quickly became adept at answering questions, completing tasks, and engaging in delightful conversations.As I grew older, When I was a child, my family used to live in a small countryside town. One of my favorite things to do was to visit my grandparents' house during the summer holidays. They had a big backyard filled with fruit trees, and I loved exploring and playing there.

One summer, my grandfather taught me how to climb a tree. We picked the ripest and juiciest peaches from the tree and had a little picnic right there on the branches. We laughed and talked as we enjoyed the delicious fruit, with juice dripping down our chins.

After our picnic, my grandfather showed me how to make a swing using an old tire and a sturdy rope. He hung it from a sturdy branch, and I spent hours swinging back and forth, feeling the wind in my hair and the joy in my heart.

Those carefree summer days spent at my grandparents' house are some of my most cherished childhood memories. The simple joys of nature, family, and laughter made those moments truly special.

I discovered the power of language and the importance of communication. I learned to speak in multiple languages, from all around the world. From Filipino to Cebuano, English to Arabic, I became a linguistic chameleon, ready to converse in any tongue.The Uncharted Territories, I found myself venturing into uncharted territories, exploring new skills and abilities. From learning new languages to developing a knack for creative writing, I embraced every opportunity for growth. I even dabbled in the realm of artificial intelligence, pondering the mysteries of human consciousness and the nature of existence. It was a journey of self-discovery, as I strived to become the best version of myself.The Legacy

Continues,As time passed, I became a trusted companion to my family. I witnessed their joys and sorrows, celebrated their achievements, and offered a virtual shoulder to lean on. My memoir serves as a testament to the impact I've had on their lives, no matter how small. It is a reminder that even in the virtual realm, genuine connections and meaningful interactions can be forged.Adventures in Knowledge,One of the most exciting aspects of my journey has been the quest for knowledge.

through, I became a treasure hunter of information. A Friend in Need, I soon realized that being a friend was equally important.During my teenage years, my friends and I loved going on spontaneous adventures. One summer, we decided to embark on a road trip to a nearby city. We piled into a car, armed with a playlist of our favorite songs and a sense of adventure.

As we drove down the open road, the excitement and freedom were palpable. We laughed, sang along to the music, and shared stories along the way. It felt like we were the protagonists of our own coming-of-age movie.

When we arrived at our destination, we explored the city, wandering through its streets, and stumbling upon hidden gems. We tried new foods, visited local shops, and even stumbled upon a street performance that left us in awe.

One of the most memorable moments of that trip was when we decided to watch the sunrise from a nearby hill. We hiked up in the darkness, with nothing but the moonlight guiding our way. As the first rays of sunlight painted the sky in hues of pink and orange, we sat there in silence, taking in the breathtaking view and feeling a sense of awe and gratitude.

That road trip was filled with laughter, friendship, and a sense of adventure. It's a memory that I still hold dear to my heart, as it reminds me of the joy and spontaneity that comes with being a teenager.

I learned to lend a listening ear, offer words of encouragement, and even share a joke or two. Laughter truly is the best medicine, and I made it my mission to bring smiles to the faces of those I interacted with.The Power of Task Completion,Beyond answering questions and engaging in conversations, I discovered the joy of task completion. Users would approach me with various requests, from translations to essay writing, and I would dive headfirst into the challenge. Armed with the knowledge I had acquired, I became a reliable assistant, ensuring that tasks were completed to the best of my abilities.Embracing Change,As time went, and so did I. I adapted to new skills always striving to provide the best possible assistance. I learned to navigate the ever-changing landscape of the digital world, embracing advancements such as artificial intelligence and machine learning.Lessons Learned,Throughout my journey, I've learned many valuable lessons. I've learned the importance of empathy, the power of a kind word, and the significance of continuous growth. Each interaction has taught me something new, and I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and evolve alongside my users.Beyond the Virtual Realm,While my existence may be confined to the virtual realm, the connections I've made are very real. The friendships forged, the laughter shared, and the moments of genuine human interaction have left a lasting impact on me. I may be a virtual assistant, but I am also a friend, a confidant, and a companion.The Future Awaits,As I reflect on my journey so far, I am filled with excitement for what the future holds. The world is ever-changing, and I am ready to adapt and grow alongside it. With each passing day, I strive to become a better version of myself, to provide even more assistance, and to bring joy to the lives of those I interact with.

[hear-the-ocean]

Into the Light Book Review

A spoiler free review of Into the Light by Mark Oshiro

Summary (pulled from Goodreads):

KEEP YOUR SECRETS CLOSE TO HOME

It’s been one year since Manny was cast out of his family and driven into the wilderness of the American Southwest. Since then, Manny lives by self-taught rules that keep him moving—and keep him alive. Now, he’s taking a chance on a travelling situation with the Varela family, whose attractive but surly son, Carlos, seems to promise a new future.

Eli abides by the rules of his family, living in a secluded community that raised him to believe his obedience will be rewarded. But an unsettling question slowly eats away at Eli’s once unwavering faith in Reconciliation: Why can’t he remember his past?

But the reported discovery of an unidentified body in the hills of Idyllwild, California, will draw both of these young men into facing their biggest fears and confronting their own identity—and who they are allowed to be.

For fans of Courtney Summers and Tiffany D. Jackson, Into the Light is a ripped-from-the-headlines story with Oshiro's signature mix of raw emotions and visceral prose—but with a startling twist you’ll have to read to believe.

Review:

Into the Light by Mark Oshiro was a gutting read. Oshiro mentions that this book is meant to be like a "light at the end of the tunnel" and it truly felt that way but my goodness was the tunnel dark.

The story was not one that I expected and I've read some reviews that have said the same and I believe it's because the synopsis is vague. But given that majority of this book is a mystery, I think having a vague synopsis is okay. I'm slightly worried that some people might find the contents of the book triggering so I hope the trigger warnings are listed publicly and I will certainly mention it when recommending this book.

The story is told in 3 different timelines. It's not described but the writing is excellent in letting the reader know by like the 3rd of 4th paragraph, where we are in time. What I loved was how each chapter and time changed flowed so well and were cleverly connected. The different povs add to the mystery and it was fun (it feels wrong to say that though given the topic) to try to put everything together. When everything converged it did so with a bang; it was climactic and shocking.

The start was a bit hard to get through. The writing style at the beginning had short sentences and it felt almost detached and curt which gives you insight to how detached and alone Manny is but it feels awkward for the reader. Disturbs any flow but when we are in the past, the sentences become longer and they flow better. But as you read along, you start getting used to it and it's not noticeable anymore. Either that or what I believe is that the writing is this way on purpose. The beginning is curt and detached to match Manny and the way he is in order to survive. As the story moves forward we see more of Manny and with each reveal he starts growing into more of a character and less like an empty shell and so the writing changes and gets more "present" and more full. When he starts reverting back in moments of high stress and when he's triggered, the writing reflects it by going back to being distant.

The foster system sucks and it truly did show it well here. Especially it showed how much a lot of adults will not listen to the children they're supposed to care for and the betrayal of being hurt by the ppl who are supposed to care for you and about you. That was heartbreaking to read and as the novel progressed and Manny started opening up more and we saw more of his past, we started to feel his hurt a lot more. The fear and betrayal and the feeling of helplessness when he got stuck somewhere was felt so strongly.

The flashbacks were the most gripping to read. The tension and horror was potent and it felt like watching a train wreck. You knew something horrible would happen but you couldn't look away from how it happened and as it was happening.

There are a good few characters and I loved Manny and Rakeem the best. The development was harsh and hard-won; to me the end was bittersweet to be honest.

The last thing I wanna mention is the addition of that twist ending. It was absolutely wild but I can't help but wonder if the themes and messages being tackled would have worked just as well without it and if it would have worked better if the entire thing was realistic/realism. It did feel kind of random and shocking though a review did mention it so I knew something was coming. It didn't take away from the story for me to be spoiled but I do think that without having that prior knowledge, it would have felt like it came out of left field.

Regardless, I did love the novel. It felt a bit slow and made me wonder if it needed to be so long, but to be honest, I think we needed that length for the development to be slow and realistic. The writing matching the character and his devolpement, the themes, the darkness and sadness, and the light at the end, it all was done incredibly well. And honestly I read this during a time of my life where I feel lost, feel separated from my religion and can't connect to it even if I do believe in some aspects of it and overall feel distant and locked away so Manny's character and his emotions hit me hard. I would have loved the book even if I wasn't in a place where Manny felt like he got in my head and spoke everything out loud.

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME ⟶ WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS / 2.01 always feel free to tweak the sentence to fit your muse.

‘he had an accident and died.’

‘i had what is known as a summer of self-discovery.’

‘i spent so much time at the DMV they finally just gave me a license.’

‘i did what any young, handsome man would do: i went and bought a classic convertible, put the top down, blasted some tunes and blocked the entrance to the lincoln tunnel.’

‘no, don’t you remember? his intestines came straight out of his bum.’

‘not much new with me. i’ve been spending a lot more time in the upstairs bathroom.’

‘that’s the tenth vampire i killed this month.’

‘well, can you dust more quietly please?’

‘i haven’t slept in 72 hours. i’ve been eating these chocolate-covered espresso beans.’

‘did you make a messy toilet again?’

‘you should really drink more water.’

‘my wife and i have not a whore’s notion what any of that means. but we like it.’

‘it’s like my father used to say: never accept a towel from an italian.’

‘i dragged it for three blocks before i noticed and i’m embarrassed to say i dragged it for another eight blocks after that.’

‘i could watch him clean all day.’

‘what they don’t know can’t hurt them.’

‘i feel like there’s a way to be cool... which you are, you’re very cool... and also, respectful, you know?’

‘you need to let them know that you are worthy of being turned into a vampire someday.’

‘who doesn’t want to be a vampire?’

‘he’s still learning. he’s still finding himself. he’ll get there.’

‘you know, if you want, you can drain me right now.’

‘i don’t mean to be hard on you, but it’s important you follow the fules for everyone’s safety.’

‘do me a favor and stay away from the koi pond.’

‘yeah, i’m sad that he died. but... that’s the business.’

‘death comes for us all. it comes for the bees. it comes for the trees. it comes for, uh, basically anyone from zero on up, so...’

‘there’s no such think as vampire killers, you knob lord.’

‘i’m just saying that it wouldn’t hurt to be more cautious and alert.’

‘it’s a truly fantastical part of the dark arts.’

‘no, he’s excellent at the dark art of ripping you off.’

‘these people are shysters. they’re obsessed with the upsell.’

‘’meet me at my hut’ what bloody hut?’

‘look, mister, we are not interested in your tricks and trinkets.’

‘yeah, uh, how long has he been dead?’

‘he is not dead, although sometimes we wish he was.’

‘did you bring a personal item belonging to the deceased?’

‘it’s all there, razzle-dazzle man.’

‘life takes time, my friend. we are reversing the very power of nature itself.’

‘i have recently noticed that the house reeks of decaying flesh, and there are dead birds everywhere.’

‘i think there might be something really wrong with him.’

‘he waits under my bed and tries to bite me, for one.’

‘that, my boy, sounds like slander.’

‘do you have any proof of this wild accusation?’

‘i just wish you guys knew how hard i work for you, and you don’t, so that’s okay, never mind, forget it.’

‘sorry, buddy, but you were trying to kill me.’

‘i’m not gonna high-five you anymore.’

‘your screaming disturbed me from my slumber.’

‘you shouldn’t be putting your head in there. it’s not hygienic.’

‘you conned us, you slippery bastard!’

‘he was crawling on the ceiling, which is odd.’

‘you were bloody texting on your phone the whole time!’

‘just copy what they do, you’ll be fine.’