#he's the mom friend like both metaphorically and literally and it's so sad

[sardar106]

I decided that I have thoughts about @emberunderscore's Epic AU so you get them too— (also go check it out if you haven’t already! It’s so good and I eat it up) He already shared many of their thoughts but I'm gonna share some of my Wisdom Saga ones (mostly as the first two one aren’t and the third is debatable—) Also we do be ignoring the god relations in Greek Myths. We close our eyes and ears at them and let them leave our minds. They don’t exist in this AU unless said otherwise

also a bit of a long post so cut

the first “line” is what happens in Epic and the second is how my brain connects it to Fable

- Zeus basically forcing Odysseus to kill the infant - Fable being the lead of arguably all of Icarus' murders

- Zeus making Odysseus imagine Penelope floating towards him in the sky with her hand out and singing a part of Suffering - Fable keeping on reminding Icarus why they’re here. giving them a reason to let the rest of his crew die which goes to

- Zeus being the cause of Odysseus getting to Calypso's island - Fable isolating Icarus then getting to coworkers time

- In Love In Paradise, we get the time dive. Athena seeing the much prominent things that happened to Ody for the past 10 years - Remember the memory Rae had before waking up in s3? Yeah. Similar but now Enderian is good and with a very older Icarus

- Calypso saying "open arms" triggering Odysseus's memory of Polities, Eurylochus, then dead mom times, causing his breakdown - Ven saying something to trigger Athena happy times, Broter argument(s), and sad Isla time. also causing a breakdown

- Ember already talked about this one but— Ody ready to jump from the ledge to the flowing water. If all he’s gonna do the rest of his life is stay on the island, why bother staying alive? The only reason he’s fought monsters and sacrifice his friends is to get to Penelope. He can’t do that now. He can’t go see her. At least he’ll see Polities, Eurylochus, his crew, and his mom? At least he’ll see them…. - Oh, Icarus and your ability to just fall and fall every time. You fell both metaphorically and physically. And yeah— read it again but as Ic. (with the other characters being respective to their role) it’s literally just them.

- Ares being mad that Ody didn’t fight Scylla. I know it’s supposed to be cus he wants death and all that but - Netherum being mad that Ic didn’t fight to protect the ones he cares about. He fought the cyclops and the sirens. why not fight back and sacrifice six of his crew instead.

(we kindly ignore that he would be calling Oscar pathetic and weak and that they accepted cus she said he’ll make everybody bleed) also this is an exception with Netherum and Soul cus they’re Ares and Aphrodite who are married too

- Athena doing everything in her power to save Odysseus - Enderian sacrificing herself to save Rae's life (I care that it's Icarus and not Rae in this AU)

I shared the idea of Zeus being Fable and not Epros. and since they had Hera as Kinaxus cus Zeus was Epros, their possession there was removed as it doesn’t make much sense. which got to Hera being Perix. here are the words that were shared but better (or worse, idk—)

- I get the vibe of Hera calling basically everyone “baby”, which means calling Athena that too, but - what if gay cus Perix would be specifically talking to Enderian. we also know that Perix had feelings for her, so—

- and then we get Hera challenging Athena so she can save Ody. saying “Try harder” and “You can do better than that” to her - I don’t know why, but this gives me them but before Caspian prison times, or even before the resets & the war of the realms. even though Enderian would’ve most likely not tolerated any of it

[kairithemang0]

So what’s your favorite headcanon about given???

(also ps what’s given)

OMG!

ok given is an anime and manga about gay guys in a band. the main couple is Mafuyu and Uenoyama, who meet when Uenoyama finds him napping by the school staircase during lunch holding a guitar (OH THE IMPLICATIONS OF HIM HOLDING THE GUITAR OH MY GODDDDD)

Anyways things begin when Mafuyu starts coming by Uenoyama's band practices where we meet the other main pairing, Haruki and Akihiko, who are both in college and it's pretty obvious Haruki has a thing for him but Akihiko is still sorta in a situationship with his roommate and ex Ugestu Murata (MY BOY. I LOVE HIM. HE'S MY SILLY AND THE WORST UGHHHHHH HE'S MY BOY <333).

Spoilers bcs I desperately need to talk about the guitar implications because ugh that fucking guitar also like cw suicide and shit

So the guitar belonged to Mafuyu's childhood friend and lover Yuki

Yuki is DEAD

AND MAFUYU BLAMES HIMSELF BECAUSE THEY GOT INTO A FIGHT AND YUKI DISAPPEARED FOR DAYS AND MAFUYU FOUND HIM AND YUKI'S MOM GAVE MAFUYU HIS GUITAR WITH BROKEN STRINGS AND MAFUYU CARIES IT AROUND DESPITE NOT KNOWING HOW TO PLAY IT

Given goes into the idea of music being a metaphor for love a lot. The strings on the guitar are broken, they need to be fixed. One of the first lines is "what i was pulled on when i strum that cord was his heart strings" (not exact wording but you get the jist)

so Mafuyu, Mafuyu who blames himself for killing the only person he had, holds the guitar of his dead lover, with broken strings he doesn't know how to fix.

AND UENOYAMA FUCKING FIXES THEM

their name meanings are important as well. Mafuyu can be translated to Winter while Yuki means snow. Winter and Snow go together. MEANWHILE A PART OF UENOYAMA'S NAME MEANS SUMMER SO THEY HAVE A SUMMER AND WINTER THING GOING ON AND IT'S SO UGHHHHHH

im sorry im losing my mind over given ive been rereading it recently because it's just so GRRRRR and the relationships between the chararcters are so great and i could talk about my baby ugestu murata and also him and akihiko's relationship to no end because honestly they're kinda curtwen coded to me but also everything is curtwen coded to me but like idk Akihiko is always second best to Ugestu (one step ahead) and Akihiko works his ass off to be just as good as him and eventually he just gives up and Ugestu is SOOOOOOO PISSED and they're also just toxic but i love them and their final breakup is everything to me also Ugestu's friendship with Mafuyu is so silly <3

sorry i could talk about given for literal hours it's my favorite anime (and tbh I'm not that into anime so that's not a hard title to get but it's just so <3333).

It's cute, then it's sad, then everything is fine again. The last chapter of the manga released over a year ago now and I've been grieving ever since. I bawled my eyes out reading it for the first and second time because after an entire arc of Mafuyu and Uenoyama not doing much together we finally get more of them and they're just sooooooo cute and ugh I love the louder and more frustrated one/the quiet soft boy trope i dunno they're just great

[someabsolutenonsense]

Some Reasoning

Gideon for Orpheus works for many reasons. For one thing, the vibes. Orpheus is the son of a muse and Gideon is the daughter of god so they are both diety adjacent. Also then Pyrrah can be Hermes and the line “his mama was a friend of mine” can be about Wake and I can laugh and laugh and laugh. And Gideon trying to get a girl to go out with her by writing her a song and trying so so hard does make sense to me. Also Gideon can’t die and Orpheus’ whole thing is bringing the world back to life, like he makes flowers. Also I want to see Gideon give Harrow a flower. Give me this.

Harrow for Eurydice we all know Harrow is not quick to trust people, or like…interact positively with them…and Eurydice does not take well to Orpheus at first. “all I’ve ever known is how to hold my own” is also very Harrow (that song is the pool scene, leave me alone, I am far too invested in this). At risk of being reductive, she’s fucking sad and also very aware of The Horrors TM. And when Eurydice “dies” she loses all sense of who she is and forgets her life and Orpheus and that’s very lobotomy. She’s amongst the ghosts :( Also Eurydice is always talking about being hungry and I would argue that when taken metaphorically this really works for Harrow.

Gideon for Eurydice she dies :( Also let’s not forget that Gideon is sad and untrusting too. Also Eurydice is always talking about being hungry (literal and metaphorical in my interpretation) which definitely lines up with Gideon. But yeah, she dies :(

Harrow for Orpheus they both have elements of magic, but kind of opposites since Harrow’s whole thing is death. Orpheus follows his beloved to the underworld to get her back though and that’s a very Harrow self sacrifice to preserve Gideon moment. However if Harrow is Orpheus then whoever is Hermes has to have been friends with her mom and I doubt Pelleamena had any friends tbh. Maybe Crux? Narrator Crux would be horrible and hilarious but mostly horrible.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

valentines day

summary: valentine’s day. the day of chocolate hearts, flowers, budding romance, and heartbreak.

WC: 1.7K

warnings: this is clean

A/N: ALL PARTS UNDER THE TAG -The Byers Harrington Story-

this is version2 of what i original started with but my break caused me to change it. so maybe in the future my version1 of certain stories might be posted, we’ll see obviously.

THANK YOU FOR 300 FOLLOWERS💗💗💗

series masterlist

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February 14, 1985

The house was quiet, the only noise heard through the structure was the mild volume of the TV. Movies and shows playing their romantic scenes, couples going on dates, a guy running through the rain to get the girl before it’s too late or many other romance gestures Hollywood could think of.

No one was in the house, well except for two people, those two people lounging on the couch just staring at the small screen and it was only two-thirty in the afternoon. Jonathan went out earlier since he planned a who day with Nancy, and said something about going to the next town over for dinner or something. Joyce had to work, as usual, she was basically the only employee at Melvard’s, so you wouldn’t see her until later that day. So it was only you and Will.

Steve called earlier and said he’s being held hostage, metaphorically, but also literally. His parents were in town for a few days and he mentioned something about lunch and his father’s work, so you know he wishes to stab himself to leave that situation. So you wouldn’t see your adoring boyfriend until tonight, dinner plans he step up, not Enzo’s he added.

You asked Will what his plans were when you saw he made himself comfy on the worn brown couch, just lounging in his pj's.

“Mike said he’s hanging with El today, followed by Lucas remembering to make plans with Max, so that’s two couples I don’t want to third wheel today.”

“What about Dustin? He doesn’t have a girlfriend.”

His attention moved from the screen to a loose thread he started picking at, “said he was working on a science project or something, and also that he was going with his mom for bingo at her friends.”

You twisted your torso to lean into the cushions, left leg angled on the seat while you face Will, head tilted at his pouting face. You poked a finger into his right thigh for his attention.

“Why don’t we do something? Like we used to do.” It used to be homemade valentine’s day cards with baking brownies or cookies and the final piece, going on a walk down the block and venting to each other.

“Is it only ‘cause Steve can’t come until tonight?” His comment was low, but you heard the sadness in the whispers.

You scooted closer to his, your leg to his thigh, your hands grabbing at his to stop any fidgeting, “Will, you know I love hanging out with you. Just ‘cause I have a boyfriend now doesn’t mean that changes.” With one hand you placed it upon his left cheek and turned his head to completely face you, “you’re my number one guy, always will be. Partners come and go, but my family will come first no matter what.”

You saw his eyes dip away, “hey,” you cooed softly to him, “Will, is something wrong?”

He didn’t even say anything and you knew there was something eating at him, but he was holding back. The only sign was the wetness growing along his lash line, and the tiny bite to his bottom lip.

“Hey, hey, hey.” You moved off the sofa to crouch at his knees, “Will, please, please, tell me if there’s something I can do to help. Or tell me what’s wrong, please, I don’t like seeing you like this.” Your own eyes tearing up and your throat straining.

The tears started to slip from his eyes and down his cheeks, matching stains on both your faces. He still didn’t say anything, only sniffling to stop the snot from dripping. Your fingers drummed along his knees, the physical sign of your nerves.

“Will…”

“I…I like someone…” his voice cracked on the last word, like the thought of them broke his heart.

You released a small sigh, relieved it wasn’t about something horrible, just a middle school crush. Your actions showed your thoughts as you dropped your forehead to rest on your knuckles that still sat on Will’s knees.

“Will…you scared me-” Your light chuckles stopped when you felt his body shaking and looked up to see his face pinched in hurt.

“Will… everything… it’s only a middle school crush.” You tried to comfort him. “You- you don’t… you don’t get it (Y/n).” His stuttered cries cracked your heart.

“Then tell me, explain to me. I was a kid in middle school not too long ago with a crush, I know the pain. I even had elementary crushes, and those hurt me.” A quick flash of middle school you staring longingly at middle school Steve, a kiss shared between you and another girl in your room.

You moved from the floor back to the couch, closer to Will and pulling him in by the shoulders, his head resting on your collarbone. One hand going to tangle in his dark brown strands while the other rubs up and down along his spine to soothe his hiccuped crying.

“Okay, okay. You don’t need to tell me anything right now, but know that you can tell me when you’re ready. I understand the pain of crushes, some of them you can’t have.” His hands clutched at your shirt.

No words were spoken for the next five minutes. Only the sounds of the TV as white noise, Will’s sniffling, quieting, and trailing off as the seconds ticked by. Your hand moved in slow and soothing circles over his shoulder blades while your other hand held the back of his head.

“Do you want some water?” Those were the first words out of your mouth.

Will nodded in acceptance of the offer. You both detangled from each other, limbs sore and bones cracking at the sudden movement. Your footsteps thudded against the hardwood that led into the cool tile of the kitchen. You stood on the tips of your toes and reached for a clean mug before placing it under the faucet. Just as the cup was full and you turned around, the landline blasted its high pitch ringing. A bit of water splashed to the floor due to your jumping at the blaring noise. You exhaled a sigh, placed the mug on the table, and trekked to the ringing phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, beautiful.” His honey-laced voice greeted you.

A smile tugged at your lips, “Hi, Stevie. How are you doing?”

He huffed at the question which caused a giggle to slip from you, “I wanted to stab my ears so I could block out my dad’s annoying voice and comments. But I’m free now, so can I escape my jail and hide out at your place until dinner tonight?”

You twirled the thick cord ‘round a finger, “as much as I would like to see you, Will kinda needs me right now.” You kept your voice low, and you peeked into the living area to look at Will.

“Is everything okay?” Your heart skipped a tiny beat hearing the worry in Steve’s voice at the mention of Will.

“Yeah, yeah. It’s nothing horrible, just something personal. But I’ll- I’ll call you back when you can come over, or maybe you can come over in like…in like two hours. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll bring some extra stuff to stay over.”

“Perfect. I wasn’t planning on having you leave at the end of the night anyway, Harrington.” The last name holds an implication in the tone.

“Oh really, Byers. And why is that?” 

“Well-” “Please, god, stop!”

Will was fully facing you from the couch and his face was morphed into a disgusted scowl. You chuckled at his annoyance but knew you should hurry up anyway to get back to him.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, don’t have too much fun without me.”

“That won’t be a problem.” And you hung up.

Will watched you as you came back to the couch, polka-dotted mug in hand.

“So…you wanna- wanna talk about it? Your crush.” Your fingers drummed against the ceramic.

Will took the mug from your grasp and chugged half the fluid before setting it on the table. You weren’t gonna rush him, knowing if you pushed someone in the Byers family to open up, most likely they’ll close themselves off.

So you waited and watched as he picked at the skin around his nails. Saw how his top teeth dug into his bottom lip harshly, blood likely to draw if he went any harder. And just when you were beginning to think he had changed his mind, his voice hiccuped.

“I…I like someone…that someone being...” he started picking harder at his skin, “it’s a- it’s a b-boy…” he trailed off, you almost didn’t hear him with the TV still on.

“Oh. Oh.”

Now you understand his pain and hesitation to tell you. But also you’re just a bit hurt to think he was scared to tell you, you understand where he’s coming from.

“Will, I understand that feeling you’re having. Where your brain is telling you it’s wrong to feel these things for someone of the same sex, but your heart is doing somersaults at just the tiny thought of them, getting to hold their hair, watching them smile at a stupid joke you made, or just looking at you like you’re the only person in the world to them. And- and I know people say it’s wrong an- and immoral or some bullshit that they use religion as an excuse, but there is nothing wrong or disgusting or immoral about loving someone.” 

The silence, along with the tones of dialogue in the background filled the space. Your mouth got a bit dry at the end of your speech, need to make sure you got your point across in one go so Will could speak up at any time. You wanted him to ask questions, get those horrible thoughts out of his head and replace them with a new perspective.

“Do you… do you wish you could be normal? Not have these thoughts? I- I know what you went through…when dad was here.” He was looking at you through his lashes.

“Sometimes,” you sighed, remembering laying awake after getting hit by your dad, “but I would never change that about myself. And you should never think about changing yourself just to fit into the norm.”

You held a hand out, palm up with inviting fingers. It took a second, but Will got the message and linked hands with you. He didn’t say anything further, and you didn’t poke for more information. The two of you just sat in the quiet, knowing that the two of you shared something no one else in the family would understand, your bond growing just a bit more that day with each other.

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[akechi-stole-my-heart]

Just want to say your Haru post is exquisite 👌👌 Little sad about all the tags shifting Futaba into the 'one that would hate Akechi' when she was also kind to him! Futaba ALSO offered him a place on the team, she has less elegance about it than Haru but she'd also be kind to Akechi. And saying she would because her palace was about wrath, she asked the thieves to change her own heart, came into the metaverse and confronted her shadow in the palace. That involved letting go of her anger and wrath that kept her trapped in her own hurt. Which doesn't mean she *can't* be angry but it's also not something she WANTS to be, she doesn't want to be caught up in her anger and hurt anymore. So I just can't imagine her with a vicious hatred of Akechi similarly to how I can't imagine Haru that way. They would both be kind, especially as they can see Akechi was someone who was also deeply hurt and trapped by that hurt (both metaphorically and literally in the Shido situation) and who was beginning to change. They won't forgive him, but they would be kind. Sorry for the rant in your inbox lol just You Get It for their characters I think

Don't apologize for ranting you're so correct and right I completely agree. Futaba's wrath was targeted toward herself for being the one who "killed" her mom because she blamed herself. She overcomes that self hatred by realizing the people she should be angry with are the adults who took from her. And I don't think she sees Akechi as one of those adults at all. He's a victim of those adults, manipulated by them just like she was. She sees Shido as her mother's killer, not Akechi.

I do think she's still going to have anger towards him, because of course she will things are not black and white, but she doesn't hold him singularly or primarily responsible. She sees herself in him and sees him as essentially the same as the rest of the Thieves and herself, and she says as much in the engine room. They both lost their mothers and blamed themselves. They both isolated themselves and only Futaba received salvation from that loneliness before it was too late. I don't agree with people who say they don't have common ground the same way Akechi does with Haru. Akechi shares similarities with ALL the Thieves, including Futaba, and she realizes that and relates to him because of that.

I do think she is going to razz and tease him incessantly, partially because he is a lame nerd and partially because she is upset with him and that's a way for her to express her complicated feelings without totally confronting them. But I think reconciliation and friendship between them is more than possible. Futaba and Akechi friendship is literally my favorite friendship between Akechi and one of the Thieves to explore, I've written three different fics with them (one not yet published) because I think there is just so much potential between them.

Futaba is a more blunt and less "nice" person in general than Haru is (it's the autism) but I think she'd treat Akechi like one of their own, just like Haru would. She doesn't exclude him in third semester. That's not to say things wouldn't be complicated or difficult first, because they absolutely would be. She does say in third sem that she isn't fully comfortable with him being there and decides mostly to ignore him, unlike Haru who actively engages with him in conversation in Mementos. But that doesn't mean it has to be that way forever! If they're both willing to talk about things and work through it I think they could get past that rift and build something new together.

I love futabagoro friendship sooooo much. I genuinely think Akechi could be friends with ALL of the Thieves. Because they are kind! They are all SO SO kind and compassionate in a way he doesn't comprehend and that is the POINT! If he lived and decided to try to mend things they'd all welcome him and I will stand by that forever.

[fairysylveon]

Favorite things/headcanons about jackothy and katarhys GO!!!

OH MAN it's so hard for me to put things into words but I'll try

jackothy

I headcanon a lot of codependency over the years honestly, jack is the only person who knows who tim really is, and tim is the only one allowed to see past jack's mask (both literal and metaphorical) on account of "being an extension of jack", so they're driven together despite how much tim hates jack. BUT I also headcanon that they love each other in weird and complicated ways, jack's is initially driven by narcissism but eventually he grows to like tim for his differences too, especially as someone who's not afraid to mouth off to him because it's kinda refreshing, and also the aforementioned codependency. and tim, well, he still hates jack, but all that time with him and only him creeps up on him and he grows these strange but undeniable feelings of undying loyalty and love. because he's lonely, he'd always been lonely, even his own mom didn't love him, and as fucked up as this thing is with jack, it's filling a hole that desperately needed filling, and he's taking what he can get even if he can't stand himself for it. and maybe he's relieved when jack dies because he has an out that isn't betraying jack, because before jack dies he does think about it, he thinks about killing jack in his sleep, thinks about not letting go when they're fighting and he's got his hand around jack's throat, but he just can't ever seem to go through with it because his entire identity is so intertwined with this man and he's his only real "friend", and that's so sad and frustrating for him but it's true, too. I just love tim with very complicated feelings of attachment/devotion/love to jack that he HATES but he just can't shake it because he's kind of pathetic and very lonely

other headcanons I like: attack dog tim, being the tip of jack's spear. whether or not he likes that changes based on what I'm in the mood for LOL. also they fist fight regularly because they piss each other off, and sometimes (often) it becomes erotic as it continues. (tim pretty much always wins, because he's stronger & has more experience actually fighting for his life)

canon things I like: jack flirting with tim at every opportunity, also that LINE, the fucking line where he's like "you're making me anxious" because tim is so hot? that's good shit. tim being so attractive to him that he acts wildly ooc because he's just. so into him is SO FUN AND GOOD. tim being bound to him not only contractually but physically too, unable to separate himself from jack, seeing jack when he looks in the mirror, it's soooo sad and so good. jack making tim do porn is very toxic and good (which btw, "made him" could literally just mean "he paid me too much to refuse", I have always wanted more details about HOW he "made" tim do it). tim in the jackpot being surrounded by statues and holograms and posters of his dead lover/abuser? constantly unable to go even a day without the reminder of jack? hell yeah. also "I'm not you, jack" is SUCH a good line. AUGH. I love them.

katarhys

I loooove rhys being begrudgingly into kat and kat's admiration for him, but in a way that he doesn't indulge until he's at a low point. like, calling him up when he's lonely, bored, drunk, etc. and he KNOWS it's a bad idea EVERY TIME but he does it anyway because it feels good to have someone SO into him, even if he's also kinda creeped out by it. I also love them indulging in guro shit because... I just love it, it's just FUN, and kat has at lines about stabbing/slicing rhys so it's just.... Good. I also like to play up how much of a stalker kat is by having him install cameras in places to keep tabs on rhys. I don't have a lot of actual headcanons I can think of right now because canon is so good LOL

canon things I like: I love kat seemingly knowing EVERYTHING there is to know about rhys, including his favorite froyo place. he's clearly been keeping tabs on rhys so it's fair to say that at least some degree of stalking (at least virtually) is in place in canon and that's sooo good. "DO YOU NEED ANOTHER LOVE TAP" "IF I STAB YOU, RHYS, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE RIGHT IN THE CHEST, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT BROS DO!" "who cares about them, I'm doing this for us." "I'm gonna slice you in haaa~aalf." kat disguising himself as zer0 to make rhys think he's been betrayed. KAT IS SUCH A FUN CHARACTER he's just so good and I love all his dialogue and I love how obsessed he is with rhys, THEY'RE SO GOOD I LOVE THEM!!!

[24-05txt]

Can I something for Lost & Found? I scroll past it in by bookmarks all the time and I'm eager for more!

Ogh, man, Lost and found... (Wip ask game!!)

See what I'm struggling with there is that I got a good bit into chapter 2 while on a flight to somewherecan'tremember and lost like. All of it. Because I closed the app for too long and the lack of connectivity ate it!!! Even though it was supposed to be fine!! Moral of the story is never trust technology (said by the IT major). Obviously my reaction was to pout about it forever.

Anyway I did get moving on chapter 2 again, but while I was sulking I wrote ahead a little bit (as I am prone to do) and thus have the content. I debated on not giving spoilers and then decided I don't care and I'm really excited to share this snippet so!!! Have some retrospective from Simon (not Ghost).

Some other info before that in case anyone is interested: I did finally decide what Ghost and Soap's relationship is in this and its [?????]. Like almost an established relationship and since this is from Ghost's pov he's obviously whipped, and if Soap isn't equally whipped then he's at least encouraging Ghost, but aside from Ghost's internal monologue of being disgustingly in love 24-7 and constantly on the verge of sloppy makeouts they still haven't kissed or anything like. Explicitly romantic. So take that as you will. I've also decided how they met/what the home situation is!! So I'm excited. They were really the only unknowns here because Simon is. Well he's an OC and also I'm playing him in a TTRPG, so I know exactly where he came from and what he's doing (trying not to die.)

Anyway, nearly 1k below the cut and aside from mentions of violence and implied neglect of a child I don't think there's anything to watch out for here :3 lmk if I'm wrong. Enjoy!

Simon tries really hard to be a good kid, is the thing.

It's not, like, a complex or anything—at least he doesn't think it is. He doesn't remember ever having it drilled into him by Dad; it's just something that has always made sense. He never understood when the twins or Maria or whatever-her-name-was hawked on Lights or Cyclops for stupid shit like their fears or looks. That's why he wasn't sad to see Maria die.

Which—okay yeah, a little fucked up, but that doesn't make him a bad kid. Maria even deserved it when Athena snapped her neck. Probably. He's not clear on the moral aspect of it, doesn't know enough about murder or homicide or whatever to pass judgment on whether or not Maria's death was just. But he's a good kid, he knows it. The adults in the community would say it all the time—his dad, too. 'You're a good kid, Simon,' whenever he picked up after himself or did his chores or won a rugby game or finished his homework. Not that he's a suck-up—was a suck-up, not that he was a suck-up. He needs to say 'was' now, since most of the adults are dead and he doesn't even know where his dad is.

But, you know, it's fine. Simon's a good kid, and he kept the house clean while his dad was away, even when the weeks stretched on long enough to make him start to wonder. Not doubt, he doesn't—didn't—doubt his dad. He's seventeen now, and he's never had that 'rebel' phase he's heard of through adults; it's sort of a point of pride—or it was sort of a point of pride. He supposes breaking into his dad's office with his friends to steal maps and old family photos counts as rebellious. So, maybe he just didn't have a rebel phase until that.

He's just also a little lost, is the issue. Literally lost, not in the metaphorical sense where he needs to go on some inner journey. He needs to find his dad. His dad, who apparently did not leave for a scouting trip and instead went looking for Simon's mom—who isn't dead, like they had both thought. At least, Simon had thought that.

He doesn't know what his dad thought anymore; his dad didn't so much as leave a note to let Simon know where he was off to. Those three weeks spent cleaning and taking care of the house in his absence feel a lot less mundane and a lot more foreboding, in retrospect. Would he have still gone to class and done his chores if he'd known what his dad was doing? Probably, because he's a good kid. (So why not tell him?)

But it probably doesn't matter now, since it's done and in the past. Lots of things about Simon's previously comfortable life are ending up in the past-tense now, simply because they no longer apply or can't apply the same way. But Simon is a good kid. Present tense. Is. Because he's still trying really hard to be one. It's harder, though, when no one is telling him what is good to do and he has to think for himself. He has to think for other people too—for Coda and Leaf and Irix and Shaq (and Lights and Tunes and Cyclops and Athena), who are all years younger than him and in need of protective guidance.

Simon's not so good at guiding—leaving the community had pretty quickly brought to his attention that he'd spent most of his life just listening to what people told him—but he can protect. He was on the rugby team, he knows how to push people around, and back when Dad would stay at home they used to go hunting, so he knows how to shoot a gun.

But that brings him back to the 'lost' issue; he can't protect any of them if they're separated. He didn't mean to get lost in the storm. He'd just wanted to help and make sure everyone got in the vehicle, didn't even know that wind could blow so strong that it'd pick him up.

Apparently it can, and it did, and he woke up on the roof of a building with scrapes on his palms and dirt in his ears, and absolutely no sense of direction. He'd cried a little, then. Maybe it was childish, but it had been a rough couple of days—between cannibals and raiders and storms (and zombies and corpses and)—so he cut himself some slack for throwing a bit of a shitfit when he discovered he'd chipped a front tooth.

(The fact that none of the girls were around to see it and all the other jocks who would have made fun of him were probably dead did briefly make him feel a little better, and then a whole lot worse.)

A day after that is when he found the soldiers—Ghost and Soap. He hadn't really met any adults with names like his peers before but for all the firsts he was having, this one barely clocked.

They were... cool. They reminded him of comic book characters with their velcro pouches and shawls and masks and sleek guns. Sure, he might’ve pointed a gun at Ghost, but he's self-aware enough to know that he wouldn't have been able to shoot—at least not while Ghost was being decent toward him. Coda and Athena have killed people, Simon hasn't. (Generally good kids don't kill people, but he has a feeling there are exceptions to the rule, so he would like to make the distinction.)

[ohanny]

okay, i am starting bed friend and since watching alone makes me stressed you are once again exposed to my initial reactions:

i love how the first minute of this show is uea being all "i am just your average guy... except i am so hot everyone desires me and it makes my life so hard. sigh."

HELLO YIM IN YOUR BOWL CUT NERD MULLET YES YES YOU ARE MY BABY MY SUNSHINE MY ETERNAL LOVE PLS TAKE ME AWAY IN YOUR SPACESHIP

so mark is like fine fine in that grown ass man way. pls someone tell me he is a lead in a show because i need

also like... am i the only one who thinks james is the soft, godly lovechild of yim and nat?

how can you dislike king and his jawline of doom. wait. oh my god. are having enemies to lovers thrown in this too?!?!? are they gonna hit all my fave tropes?!?

oh boy. OH BOY. something happened that night for sure sure

no but as a low voices appreciator this theme song is tickling my ears in a good way

ooh not the shiny shoes. damn, you really don't like the man.

oh this does not sound good but the stubble but OH FUUUUUCK

i have known uea for literally 5 minutes and 16 seconds and i am ready to murder anyone who hurts him

oh no. trauma.

yeah no, murdering anyone who hurts him is not enough. i need to go full vegas in a torture poncho on their ass.

the fuckboy has got the feels already 11/10 look at that face

in the non-creepiest way possible: i need to put these child actors into my pocket and feed them cupcakes

okay so the mom belongs in the bin

oh bitch DON'T YOU DARE call him

give my boy all the fuzzy blankets to cover up his sadness

noooo when do these boys learn pulling someone's metaphorical pigtails as a method of flirting will never work

ksdjfkalsfjasdlfj james since when have you been this PRETTY

king: babe, what can i do to make you like me uea: die

pock rhymes with cock which is exactly what you have to be to mess with my baby. a musty, unwashed, diseased cock.

jade is such a sweet bean and also a mood at the end of the day

i love how their gc is called "domundi"

what in the workplace parking garage showdown is this. also mark, daddy, step on me. respectfully.

okay, free karaoke emergencies are my kind of emergencies.

why does no one want to ride with the boss? I VOLUNTEER AS A TRIBUTE

lol, poor jade being thrown under the bus

is it gay to be unable to go through a single interaction with your workplace nemesis without standing face to face, intensely staring at one another? asking for a friend

ohhh cock is calling. hang up. that's a good boy.

this karaoke makes me miss my early twenties. also noooo, my baby jade letting loose while uea is like "pls god someone save me. end my suffering. existence is pain."

jade: i am about to vomit everyone else: THE FUCK YOU ARE WEAKLING boss: also you still have to work lmfao

butt. hehet.

oh nooo he has a cute lil man purse on top of the confidence to wear white pants? damn.

oooh he is drunk. i can see where this is going and i have conflicting feelings about it :')

i do not have conflicting feelings about these collarbones though. they are very much fire.

piggyback rides T T

okay but do i have to move to thailand to afford these condos on a single income?

one day these bl boys will be this gentle and soft yet also capable of resisting the urge to ravish their drunk crushes

(un)holy spiderman o.o

*distressed noises*

oh if you left snow white in bed all alone i am going to kill you

okay yes that is some tongue

i do love a strategically placed mustard yellow pillow

ooooh, it was king who had to wake up alone. oh my sweet babies. why do i feel so bad for both of them?

seriously, that bathroom is custom made. how much do these average salary men make?

JADE IN THE ICONIC YELLOW CARDIGAN

jade: omg what is wrong bestie uea: *war flashbacks to cock* sleep deprivaton

the fact jade is always drinking boba is just so in character. not that we know much all about his character but the point still stands. he is a boba boy.

oh that "mom" needs the bin asap. and you can't add a "we need to talk" text to that, king, you and your jawline need to time things better.

oh no. shit is about to go down in the copy room.

i love the alleged king of one night stands not comprehending one night stand etiquette. boy is down bad.

king: seriously uea: i am avoiding avoiding the subject, that's how deep my avoidance goes

they are just so laskdfjasdklfjsadlkfjaslkjfoierjudfj

why do i feel uea almost running people down with his car is a character trait

ugh, my poor baby is in pain and i don't know how to help (T⌓T)

THIS CAT

[rainbownixie]

steve breaking down for the way everyone treats him would exactly sound like "mommy fwiend" by penelope scott

[brekker-by-brekkerr]

Live reaction hsmtmts 3x06:

Please the canoe scene is the cutest thing ever they're so cute i love them The way ej said so we can stay together like I'm crying babies please stay together

Kourtney is so iconic i love her and her teaming up with Carlos madox and jet will be incredible

Wait i really love val now and also everyone has been assuming things about ash and telling her how she is but val didn't she was like no I'm not about that. wait im kind of getting on board with this

JET AND RICKY ARE TALKING JET AND RICKY ARE TALKING my jetwen heart is happy

The pizza oven joke was good

Ms Jenn being like EJ my tallest child. Any time the wildcat fam is canonically referred to with familial terms my heart is so happy

Yes a Corbin bleu song let's go

EJ and Miss Jenn scene: stars i love EJ literally my favourite

Dewey says: why do Ricky and EJ give off boyfriends energy every time they interact like you're standing so close together you're so comfortable around each other what is this. Also don't think i didn't see it was EJ pulling you back at the start of the episode like he's your bf

Ricky asking if miss Jenn is tired he's so sweet i love him but also i feel like Ricky's always having to be emotionally responsible for the adults in his life so it’s like habit now :(

When EJ was concerned about the wildcats finding out miss Jenn was there bc he doesn't want them to know he's struggling- i get that, especially bc if the person in charge doesn't have it all together everyone is freaked out, but like can someone tell him that it's okay for him to not have it all together bc he has way too much pressure on him, and that these are his friends so it's okay for them to know not everything's perfect. They can work on this together

I don't like miss Jenn and Mr Bowen it's wack get that away

Jet genuinely cheering kourt on? So cute. Like the little "you got this kourt" I wasn't sure about jet x kourt bc jetwen and also i love Howie and kourt but i could get on board with this. Like her calling his stuffed animal cute that was nice. But i think they would be a cute friendship anyway

"Richard !" And then her throwing the freaking rock at him and Ricky being so confused help 💀

The way Ricky kept looking at jet when he said he was a very committed man 👀👀👀👀

No this is so cute wait we're getting more portwell content

Also Ricky's out here helping everyone with their relationships, romantic and non romantic. Like yeah i get it this is for love triangle spice blah blah blah but i appreciate that Ricky was out here helping seblos with their big moment, and then jet and maddox with their relationship, and now with PW's little moment

Also Ricky guiding in EJ like why is the caswen content there though. The way Ricky looked at EJ. Also they're both wearing converse

STOP IT WHEN THEY WERE WAITING FOR THE FIREWORKS THE WAY EJ LOOKED AT GINA WAS SO SAD IM GOING TO THROW UP

why are they doing this to them

>:(

Also quick tangent i hate that fireworks are always a metaphor for whether a relationship is good or not in media bc some relationships are like fireworks but like Belly's mom says in tsitp some are like campfire some are more comforting and that's not a bad thing and it's just so dumb it's not an indicator of a good relationship i hate this

I get that it's a metaphor for there being sparks but we know portwell has chemistry and sparks why are they doing this hhhhh

No seriously the more I think about it the more Im so tired of the fireworks metaphor. Fireworks are not a necessary component of a relationship. Often you'll feel fireworks or butterflies or whatever but when you're more comfortable with a person and a relationship it feels comforting and right

DUDE WAIT THE FIREWORKS WITH THE VAL AND ASHLYN HUG 

Big red and her were cute if i was super invested in them I'd be mad but i like this and redlyn might stay together anyway this is just ash’s queer awakening 

That was such a cute moment even if it doesn't go anywhere bc Val's in college and all that it was still a nice little sapphic moment i appreciate it

JET COMING IN THE CABIN WHILE RICKYS CRYING ARE WE GOING TO GET A JETWEN MOMENT

guys you have no idea how much i would love if everything was a misdirect if Ricky got with jet and portwell figured themselves out oh my stars

Ricky calling jet a nightmare that was flirting

No Ricky that was so scary your face was so scary pls don't do a repeat of season 1 what was that

[ssplague]

Alpha Bakugou & his late blooming Omega girlfriend 🌬🥀

PART TWO

Honorable mentions: @jazzylove @bakugoismisunderstood @koreylive

Okay since so many of you seemed to really enjoy this “Just thinking about”, I’m turning it into a short story. I’m thinking it will have four parts all together (including the original post). So I know I’d said that I’d give you a nice big dose of Scumbag Suki this update, buuuut that was before I knew this was going to take off like it did 🙈 The next one is entirely his POV so you’ll get your fill then!

Part 3

🌌✨🌠

“Suki, did you really have to be that harsh towards Izuku when we left the playground earlier? I know you dislike him now but….”

You trail off as you get settled on the plush, blanket lined floor of the small tent you and Bakugou had set up in your backyard. Supposedly there was going to be “A shit load of shooting stars tonight!” acording to one of your classmates. You were excited and insisted on staying up to watch, and as usual, Katsuki inserts himself into any and everything you do. Therefore; The two of you had rushed home after school, asked both your mothers and pleaded to spend the night together out in the yard. Deciding that you two were still at the age where anything other than star gazing was unlikely to happen, they allowed it.

Battery operated fairy lights were strung along the roof of the tent and a small lantern illuminated the center, giving the inside a pink and orange glow.

“Hah?! No way was I about to let stupid Deku come and ruin OUR sleep over! This is for me and you ________, no one else….just…us” a light breeze blew in through the open tent flap and treated Katsuki to be briefly overcome by your scent.

The two of you had your scent glands come in around the same time and still weren’t entirely used to it just yet. All both of you knew is that you favored each other’s scents over anyone else’s. It was kind of getting embarrassing how much you were beginning to enjoy your temperamental best friend’s spiced caramel aroma. So much so you had to make a conscious effort not to lean into him and sniff at his neck from time to time. He was subtle about it, but certainly didn’t mind bumping into or brushing up against you more often than ever to get a whiff of your intoxicating fragrance. Even getting hit with a face full just now had his brain feeling sluggish as beads of sweat began forming along his hairline.

A voice inside his head started incessantly growling “touch her, touch her TOUCH HER”. Under the guise of getting comfortable he shifted his leg to rest up against yours and his mind quieted instantly.

“I….I know that Kat…I wouldn’t have invited him anyway!” Your face began to redden as you brazenly blurted out; “I like when it’s just you and I, we always have the most fun”.

He instantly perked up at hearing that, but he couldn’t help but ask; “So you like me better than him? You think I’m BETTER than him?”. Leaning into you as he waited for you to answer his question, eyes narrowed.

“You know I do! Besides….” You couldn’t help yourself as you leaned towards him and inhaled deeply “You smell so much better than him too!”.

Oh hell now you’d done it ________, you unknowingly opened the metaphoric Pandora’s box.

He didn’t speak right away, just smirked back at you and enjoyed the devious expression on your face. After another minute spent invading one another’s personal space you were first to snap out of it quickly muttering; “M’sorry Suki I..I dunno what happened I shouldn’t have got in your face like that!”. You sat back up and moved your leg so it was no longer touching his. Unable to comprehend the sudden feeling of sadness at the loss of contact, or attribute it to the fact that you were no longer touching him. Katsuki frowned immediately and scooted back against you, “S’okay princess…s’not like it’s a big deal”. His use of the familiar nickname only succeeding to fluster you further.

The next few moments were spent in silence.

Surprisingly, It was you that eventually broke it asking; “Suki do you know…d’you know what mates are?”. You immediately began to play with the cheap desk telescope you’d brought out to avoid looking at him, your heart was beating a lot faster now. The startled look on his face would have informed you that your question caught him off gaurd; Surely you hadn’t just had the same thought he did?! Well either that or you could read minds….that wasn’t very likely, thank god.

“Ah well my mom told me it’s when two people decide that they want to always be together and get sad if they are ever apart…so they live together….and then other stuff happens that damn brats don’t need to know just yet” he finished lamely, confused as to why he felt so strange reciting his mother’s words exactly as she’d originally said them.

“I get sad when we have to go inside our houses at night and stop playing together” you said, the depressed tone of voice sounded like it was happening right then. “Me too…I wish we lived together cause then you’d always be with me” he confessed shooting you a nervous glance. Your eyes lit up and you beamed at him when the idea suddenly struck; “We have to become mates now Katsuki, we have to!”. You got up on your knees and began frantically shuffling things around the tiny tent. “If we’re mates then our parents can’t tell us we have to stop playing and separate at night! We’ll always be able to stay together!” Your sporadic movement and sudden outburst immediately infected your companion with the same frantic energy, albeit nervous, but excited all the same as he stared at you with wide eyes.

“You’re right _________! That’s a great idea”

“I know!”

“So uh..umm how uh…how do we do that?”

You stop smoothing the blankets out to stare at Katsuki, “You don’t know how?”.

“No” he admits glumly.

You can’t hold back the distressed whimper that escapes you and Katsuki is immediately at your side trying to console you “Hey princess it’s alright-“. “NO!” you exclaim “We need to do this to stay together forever!”.

Then you remembered something; “I see my mom and dad do this every morning”. You roll up the sleeve of your jacket and bring your wrist up, simulating the motion of rubbing it across the scent gland on your neck. Katsuki nods his head in understanding; “Oh yeah, mine do the same thing! Let’s do that!”. He lays back and stretches his neck out, “You do me first and then I’ll do you kay?”.

“Kay”

You nod and smile down at him, shuffling towards his head and bringing your wrist up to his neck. You hold your breath as your skin makes contact with his and start lightly rubbing over his scent gland a few times.

“S-Shit” he says softly, squirming slightly.

“What?! Did I hurt you??!” You ask.

Fear immediately replacing excitement and distracting you from reprimanding him for uttering a curse word as you usually would.

“N-No it didn’t hurt…please d-do it again”

You do, continuing thoughtlessly as you become enthralled by his peaceful expression and relaxed as he starts purring.

“Your turn”

You take his spot laying down on the fluffy blanket strewn floor, shivering with anticipation and the slight chill in the night air. His touch warms you from the inside out and you gasp at the sudden sensation. Relaxing once more, you look up at him through heavily lidded eyes and return the smile he’s giving you.

Neither one of you has any idea that this situation is going to come with serious consequences.

Eventually you remember the whole reason you two had decided to camp out in the first place; “The shooting stars!” You cry sitting up and narrowly avoiding head butting the blonde boy above you. “Hey!” He snarls. You stand and open the window flap in the tents ceiling, just as you do you see the first “star” shoot across the sky. “Woah! Quick make a wish make a wish kat!”.

He won’t admit it…but he does, and so do you.

As more stars shoot across the sky the two of you lay together; Happily curled up in the blankets, snuggling up together. Occasionally one of you brings your wrist up and begins to rub the others neck lazily, while continuing to watch the dazzling light show taking place above you. Both of you end up falling asleep long before it’s over. The sound of Katsuki’s continuous purring, lulling you into the most comfortable sleep possible.

Well that, and how his natural warmth just seemed to consume you….

Warmth…so warm at times it could get uncomfortable.

Like right now…too close…too hot

Your eyes snap open and you take in your surroundings; This is your dorm room, you’re at school right now, safe. Your clothes and sheets are soaked through with sweat. Not just sweat apparently; After waking up more you realize your lower body feels disgustingly sticky. Then a tingling sensation begins at the tip of your toes, rapidly spreading up your legs until it reaches the special place between them. Then it’s like a literal fucking furnace has exploded down there! Not to mention the heavyweight that has now come to rest in your lower stomach as it begins to cramp.

“Ow! ow! Ow!”

You try to feel around the bed for your phone, you could call one of your friends to come help you.Friends….that’s right they all left for the weekend! Wait not all of them left, Katsuki! He’s still here! That’s right, you were supposed to go over to his room, last night? Is it already morning? Fuck who knows.

You start to cry when you can’t feel your phone nearby on the bed, you don’t wanna look for it.

You don’t wanna be alone either though….Your scared. His room is just down the hall it’s not too far away, maybe if you just take it slow you’ll make it. You force yourself to get up, not even caring that all you have on is a tiny pair of sleep shorts and a sports bra.

You bend down to grab your slides out from beneath the bed and slip them on your feet before moving forward.

One foot in front of the other.

Your hunched over, one arm wrapped around your stomach and sweat freely dribbling down your face, coating your chest, sliding down the valley between your breasts.

Jesus, I must look like fucking shit right now.

As you make it into the hallway and start your journey all you can think about is how badly you want to see Katsuki. He always makes everything better somehow; That smile he wears just for you makes your heart sing normally. Right now you just let out a pained keen at the thought. Your inner omega has always been quiet enough to ignore in the past, but now she’s practically screeching like a fucking banshee inside of your head.

Just one word, over & over & over again:

Alpha

Alpha!

ALPHAAA!!!

With each screech your primal urges and instincts had began overwhelming you. Eventually reaching a point where the lines between the two began to blur. Making you feel more like a wounded beast that’s gone absolutely feral, while slowly dragging yourself down the hallway.

Once you get about halfway down you start to smell the familiar scent that you’ve become so fond of. Only it’s so much stronger and….muskier? It’s intoxicating, and so potent, you need more! Somehow your legs are moving quicker thanks to this new desperation manIfesting. Once you finally reach his door you have to stop yourself from breaking it down; Frantically pounding on it instead, and now you’ve started crying, salivating, and you’re just a goddamn walking train wreck… Somehow you don’t care, your appearance doesn’t matter, you just need HIM right now.

When the door opens you stumble inside.

The sound of his voice quieting your shrieking omega as soon as it reaches your ears;

“Finally decided to show up? Was waiting all fuckin’ night for you and…hey what’s wrong? Oh shit…fuck”.

Fuck is very right.

[inkmemes]

futurama  (  1999  -  2013  )  sentence  starters  ↪  taken  from  the  animated  science  fiction  show.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“let's get the hell out of here already! screw history!”

“when you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.”

“you have to use a light touch, like a safecracker or a pickpocket.”

 "stop! the spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised."

"she's stuck in an infinite loop and he's an idiot. that's love for you."

"all i know is my gut says maybe."

“i've never seen a super nova blow up. but if it's anything like my old chevy nova, it'll light up the night sky!”

"every christmas my mom would get a fresh goose, for goose-burgers, and my dad would whip up special eggnog out of bourbon and ice cubes."

"what do i look like, a guy who's not lazy?"

“is heaven missing an angel, cuz you've got nice cans!”

“help! a guinea pig tricked me!"

"[name], if i said you said you had a beautiful body, would you take your pants off and dance around a little."

"drugs are for weirdos and hypnosis is for weirdos with big eyebrows." 

"[name], it would never work between us. you're a man, and i'm a woman. we're just too different."

“screw you, ill have my own contest. with black jack ... and hookers. forget the contest.”

“ah, she's built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.”

"spare me your space age techno babble, [name].”

"it's sort of a two person pyramid scheme."

"i don't want to live on this planet anymore."

"you were doing well, until everyone died."

“if we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. checkmate.”

“i am the man with no name. [muse name], at your service.”

“in the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.”

"this is the worst kind of discrimination, the kind against me."

"you watched it... you can't unwatch it."

“valentine’s day is coming? aw crap! i forgot to get a girlfriend again!”

 "hold on to your dookie, it’s about to get spooky!"

"i'm tired of this room and everyone in it."

"i'm so embarrassed. i wish everyone else was dead."

"you can't just have your characters announce how they feel! that makes me feel angry!"

"i don't have emotions, and sometimes that makes me very sad."

"if, for any reason you're not satisfied, i hate you."

"that young man fills me with hope. plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing." 

"i've dreamed about you a lot since you disappeared. what did you want to tell me?" 

"what do you think the meaning of life was anyway?"

“you're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything!”

“life and death are a seamless continuum.”

“if anyone wants me, i'll be in the angry dome.”

“and the worst part is, i had to have the breakup sex by myself!”

“they said i was dumb, but i proved them.”

“what's the point of living if i can't say ass?”

“i'll be stuffing coal so far down your stocking you'll be coughing up diamonds!”

“we're all pawns in his diabolical game of checkers.”

"wait, i'm having one of those things, a headache, with pictures!"

“sorry, i didn't realize i was already here.”

"guess what you're an accessory to!"

"why does ross, the largest friend, not simply eat the other friends?"

“there's no scientific consensus that life is important.”

"we cooked our shoes in the dryer and ate them! now we're bored!"

“i'm just as important as him. it's just that, the kind of importance i have ... it doesn't matter if i don't do it.”

“oh what a foolish squid i’ve been.”

“my instinct is to hide in this barrel, like the wily fish.”

"that was bad, and you should feel bad!"

"technically correct - the best kind of correct!"

"and here is where i keep my assorted lengths of wire!"

"oh wait, you are serious! let me laugh even harder!"

"i gotta practice my stabbing!"

"that's the saltiest thing i've ever tasted! and i once ate a big, heaping bowl of salt!"

“i apologize for nothing!”

 "die young and leave a beautiful corpse! that's what i always say."

"here's to another lousy millennium."

“but i am already in my pajamas.”

“windmills do not work that way. goodnight.”

"you win again gravity."

"when push comes to shove, you got to do what you love, even if it's not a good idea.”

“but existing's basically all i do!”

“when will the killing end?"

"i'll be whatever i want to do."

"the use of words expressing something other than their literal intention. now that. is. irony."

"could you ask a little more sexfully?"

"hooray! i'm useful!"

"awesome. awesome to the max."

"some breaking occurred, the dolly was involved, that's about all we know."

“you want me to do two things?”

i love stealin', i love takin' things!

“i believe that qualifies as ill. at least from a technical standpoint.”

"that was the old me. he's dead now."

"jail ain't so bad; you can make sangria in the toilet. ‘course, it's shank or be shanked."

"one word. thundercougarfalconbird."

"of all my friends, you're the first."

“girls like swarms of lizards, right?”

“i lost it. in a volcano.”

"i'm gonna get you so many lizards!"

"who needs courage when you have a gun?"

“let's go! i've got jelly in my underpants!”

"interesting if true."

“i did do the nasty in the pasty!”

"something tells me i could easily beat those trained professionals."

"the two of you are good friends? but i thought we would be good friends!"

"it's like a party in my mouth, except everyone's throwing up."

“i'm shocked. shocked! well, not that shocked.”

“it's me! no one else look in this mirror!"

“you ever think you only like girls cause you're supposed to?”

"we don't gotta put up with this! we got poli sci degrees."

“sorry, i suffer from a very sexy learning disorder.”

“did somebody say something about a free hot meal?”

“you gotta do what you gotta do.”

"too many bones? not enough cash?"

“hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?”

"i don't know how you did that."

"the butter in my pocket is melting!"

"well ... first i got up and had a piece of toast ..."

“i can't wait til i'm old enough to feel ways about stuff.”

“interesting! no ... wait ... the other thing. tedious.”

"i knew you come crawling back, like a bird on its belly!"

“we both know you won't make it halfway before the craving sets in! then you'll come crawling back for another taste of sweet sweet candy. bam!"

“indeed so, most indeededly.”

"and by metaphorically, i mean get your coat."

“[vehicle]'s ready except for this cup holder, and i should have that done in 12 hours."

"stop. stop! i will destroy you." [ bonus if the receiver is doing something mundane to sender ]

“just make a simple cake. and this time, if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure to put them in after you cook it.”

“lies, lies and slander!”

“you raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly, sir!”

“but going through a divorce together, you can't pretend that didn't bring us closer together.”

“when you say the human body is the most efficient thing to use as a battery, wouldn't anything make a better battery? like a potato? or a battery?”

“i'll have you know that i bejazzle my own underpants!”

“i'm sorry you had to see that, [name], usually i let my sadness fester quietly inside as a mental illness.”

“i'm not drunk, i'm mentally ill! but i agree with what, what you said.”

“this is a cool way to die!”

[titan-fodder]

Prima Vista Part VIII

[ previous ]

Rating: E (explicit; mdni) Pairing: Mike Zacharias x fem!reader wc: ~13.2k

Warnings: this one fucking hurts, pining, stupid decisions, miscommunications, explicit sexual content (it’s time for something we’ve been waiting for), yet another party, angst A/N: Read this, but before you murder me remember there’s one more after this. Also, this isn’t the big thing you’ve been waiting for, but I know it’s something a lot of people have wanted to see. Enjoy this ouchie. 

Mike doesn’t feel human when he wakes up. He’s nearly positive he no longer is—body taken over by some creature of the bog with toxic breath. Jesus, what the fuck happened last night?

 Blinking hurts. Shifting his leg hurts. His chest is fucking killing him, feels like he bruised his god damn sternum, and when he moves to sit up in a bed that is not his, overwhelming nausea has Mike groaning and covering his mouth with one hand. 

 “He has risen,” a vaguely familiar baritone voice rings through the air, loud enough to make Mike wave his other hand in an attempt to mute it. Erwin chuckles, paying him no attention apparently as he speaks again, “Good timing, too. I just came to drop this off.”

 Mike tries to focus his bleary eyes on the nightstand where his friend sets down a bottle of water, a bigger bottle of Gatorade, and several liquid gel pills. 

 “Chill here for as long as you need. I’m just watching the pledges clean downstairs. Want me to bring the trash can over?” Erwin’s concern can’t entirely hide the amusement in his voice. It’s irritating, but also… Mike needs that trash can.

 “Yeah,” he croaks through his palm. “Thanks.”

 Erwin nods and grabs the little plastic bin, setting it down next to the bed. Mike considers just picking it up and sitting with it in his lap, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stay upright for long enough.

 “I’ll be downstairs. If you need anything, you’ll just have to yell because your phone is definitely sitting in a bag of rice in the kitchen right now.”

 “What?” Mike frowns. How even…

 “It got wet,” Erwin states, like that clarifies anything. “Probably in the shower.”

 “Why was I—”

 “We can talk about it when you’re less…” Erwin gestures to Mike’s face with one finger and grimaces as he finishes, “Green. You didn’t do anything too terrible, though, so you can rest easy.”

 He leaves, and Mike chokes down the pills and a few gulps of water before gently laying back down. He has to retrace metaphorical footsteps to get to the last thing he remembers from the night before, and it’s body shots off some blonde clone. His order of events goes: hanging out with Rhi, talking with you and Erwin, Zeke showing up, catching Eren mid-roofie attempt and throwing him out, getting mad at Nile, and then just a lot of drinking. Too much. Of different kinds. That had been dumb. 

 He thinks he spent a little while in the bathroom. Erwin was there. And, Nile came and went. He thinks he may have heard your voice a few times but can’t be sure, and honestly, trying to recall anything from the period of time his brain was literally incapable of processing new memories is a pretty big waste of time.

 Mike spends most of the day in Erwin’s room. He drifts in and out of restless sleep, waking up to drink his water and Gatorade. At some point, one of the kids, Jean, knocks on the door and drops a bowl of soup off, mumbles, “Erwin told me to bring this up here.” Mike hasn’t spent a ton of time around the current pledge class, but Erwin must like Jean if he trusted the kid enough to give him his room code. 

 The soup settles his stomach enough to move around a little more. His headache ebbs into a dull throb, and the sharp ache in his chest fades into that of a bruise. By around five o'clock, Mike is finally able to amble downstairs, give everyone a tired wave, mumble his thanks to Erwin, then drive himself to his apartment. 

 He's still trying to piece together what happened the night before, but he just ends up more confused than before, so he decides to put it behind him and move on. Everyone deserves a wild night every once in a while. 

 *

 Thanksgiving nears. Mike has already made plans to go home to his parents which means he has to turn down the Pike house Friendsgiving offer that Erwin extends to him. 

 He tells Mike that Nile and Hitch will be there, but Marie might show her face, "So, that will be interesting." 

 Some of the brothers who can't make it home will attend. Erwin is bringing Maddie who Mike hasn't heard about in several months, but he's pretty sure that's just to throw him off the scent of whatever Erwin has going on with you. You, who will also be in attendance because apparently your mom opted to go on a girls trip instead of face the family. Mike can't blame her. 

 He thinks maybe he should reach out to you, to ask about the night he blacked out because he has a feeling you can give him some details that others can't, but Erwin assures Mike that you were only in the bathroom with him for a short time. "Just long enough to see you rip your shirt which she seemed a little too happy about."

 Mike doesn't know what he'd say to you anyway. Even after learning that Zeke had blocked his number in your phone. He's still mad that you let the fucker get close enough to do that in the first place, that you had chosen him. It's a wound that just won't heal. Any time he sees you or hears your name, all Mike can think about is why he wasn't good enough. 

 So, he keeps distancing himself. It seems like the most appropriate thing he can do until he decides he'll be able to have a conversation with you without blowing up. 

 Mike's parents are happy to see him when he walks in the door. Scout jumps on him until he picks her up and holds her like the puppy she is not. He isn't surprised when his mom asks about you, if you and Mike sorted things out. The question hurts even if he was expecting it, seems like yesterday you were walking around the house like you'd always been a part of it. 

 Lying is the easiest path to take. He tells his parents that you had to go home for the break, that you couldn't split up your time between two families in just four days, and, of course, they buy it. 

 Thanksgiving day is nice enough. The family travels a couple cities over to Mike's aunt and uncle's house. It's much bigger, has room for the relatives that are able to make it. There are traditional Greek dishes as well as the usual turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc. A few pictures here and there, entertaining his younger cousins—it's a good time. 

 Until Mike checks his various social media apps and sees the pictures from Friendsgiving.

 They're tame, nothing wildly inappropriate, but they still make Mike scowl as he thumbs through them. 

 One of Nile cutting into the turkey, of Reiner ripping into a drumstick, Connie hoarding all of the cranberry sauce while his best friend, a girl named Sasha, does the same with the deviled eggs. Gelgar looks to be crying with a dot of potato salad in his hair. Marie is indeed there, glaring in the background of a photo where Nile and Hitch are tapping beer bottles together with silly smiles. She looks much happier in the shot of her and Maddie sitting together, laughing over glasses of wine. 

 Mike's heart stutters when he gets to a photo of you aiming to toss food into Reiner's mouth, then of you and Erwin both holding beers in one hand and pointing matching finger guns with the other.

 Thick as fucking thieves. Two peas in a god damn pod. Mike wants to throw his phone out the window of his dad's suburban. 

 There are several more pictures that Mike doesn't bother to look at. He'd like to have a good time with his parents for the remainder of his break, and there's no way he'll be able to do that if he's pissed off. 

 So, he distracts himself. He goes on walks with Scout and plays with her for hours, watches old movies with his mom and dad, calls a couple relatives from overseas to catch up. But, those pictures are seared into the back of his mind, surfacing whenever he has down time. 

 He doesn't have any desire to go back to campus, not if he's gonna see you and Erwin together. His friend can deny it all he wants, but Mike knows something is going on between the two of you, and as he drives back to the college, he finally has the realization that… you might just be a shitty person. 

 Yeah, you have issues, but so does everyone. It doesn't excuse you from—from fucking toying with people, from using them as puppets whenever you need to. Mike wishes he'd never even tempted you to sleep with him that last time. It had felt too good and too right, but apparently you don't feel the same way. You went right back to Zeke once you'd gotten what you wanted, and Mike should have seen that coming. He should have been prepared for it. On some level he knew that's what you'd do, but that never stopped him from hoping that maybe… maybe it would have opened your eyes. 

 Plus, it ruined the entire Jurassic Park franchise for him, so that sucks. 

 He picks up where he left off both in his classes and in his social life. He stays away from PKA as much as he can but still attends meetings when necessary. The lacrosse season is coming to an end, so he tries to make the most of it. Rhi ends up in his bed again, both of them taking what they can from each other. Erwin jokes that he's gonna fall in love with her— "You know what happened the last time you tried to keep it casual," —and Mike nearly decks him in the face. 

 You don't try to talk to him, no texts or calls. When you see each other on campus, you don't spare him more than a sad glance as you pass him. 

 Mike is fine with it. He isn't about to be the one to make the move to talk things out. Honestly, he doesn't know if there's anything to talk out. You dated Zeke, and now you're dating Mike's best friend and trying to hide it. 

 He's mad at both of you, but it's easier to channel that blistering anger toward you rather than Erwin who he has to see on a regular basis. Besides, Erwin has always gotten around. Mike isn't especially surprised that he'd try his hand with you especially after what happened at the ranch house, but fuck, couldn't he have waited until after he and Mike graduated or something? Just disrespectful. That's what it is. 

 *

 "Bro, I do not wanna go to another party," Mike's voice rises in frustration. "Consider me partied the fuck out, okay? I'm tired of 'em."

 "It's not even a party," Erwin tells him. "It's more like a gathering of… like-minded individuals."

 Mike snorts. "Yeah, okay." 

 "I'm not kidding! Like, twelve people at the most. All we're doing is hanging out at the ranch house."

 "Will there be drinking?" Mike questions, moving his head back and forth in a mocking way. 

 Erwin shrugs his shoulders where he sits. "Of course there'll be drinking, but you don't have to partake. I just want you there to chill. Come on, man."

 "Who's going?"

 The blond lists off some of the Friendsgiving group, but he doesn't get to finish because once Erwin utters your name, Mike cuts him off with a loud, "Nope!"

 "Duuuude," Erwin sounds like the frustrated one now, not that he has any right to be. 

 "Don't dude me! Why the fuck would you think I'd have any interest in watching you two giggle and cuddle n' shit."

 "Mike," Erwin groans, rubbing his forehead. "How many times do I have to tell you…"

 "You don't have to tell me anything. I already know what I need to know."

 Standing up, Erwin seems like he's at his wit's end when he barks, "You don't know shit! You're seeing what you want to see without asking either of us! She misses you, dude. I'm just the next best thing."

 "Nice to know your dick game isn't better than mine at least," Mike grumbles. 

 "Jesus Christ, you know what? I don't care. Come to the house, or don't come. Whatever."

 Erwin takes long strides to get to Mike's front door, obviously ready to get away from him. He slams it hard enough to make Mike flinch. 

 He doesn't care how annoyed Erwin is with him. It's partially his fault that Mike doesn't want to go to the gathering, and he should know that. He'll come to understand eventually, and that thought makes it easier for Mike to make his decision. He's not gonna go. He refuses. There's no way. He won't—

 Mike ends up going. 

 After powering through finals and visiting his parents for another few days. He has a mental debate the entire way to the ranch house, swearing to himself, going over the pros and cons. He comes close to turning around more than a few times, but after a couple hours, Mike finally pulls into the large circle drive right behind Levi's black Prius. 

 Erwin is extremely surprised to see him but keeps his mouth closed about it, just tells him, "Room upstairs on the far right is still open."

 Mike drops his stuff off then greets the others—Nile, Gelgar, Reiner, Jean, Marco, and Levi. 

 "Wasn't expecting to see you here," the last states, focused on burning the loose string of his hoodie with a lighter. "Erwin told me you guys had some bullshit argument."

 "Happens sometimes," Mike dismisses as he takes a place on the couch. 

 "I guess. This is why I don't have a lot of friends. Can't put up with stupid shit like that."

 "Oh, is that why?" Mike rolls his eyes. 

 Levi snickers, shaking his head. "Aw man, he was right. You are in a bad mood, aren't ya'? 

 "Man, fuck off."

 They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mike is bouncing his foot where it's thrown over his opposite leg—anxious or angry or some other negative emotion he needs to get rid of. 

 "Party's gonna be a fucking sausage fest," Levi mumbles. 

 Nile passes behind the couch just in time to hear and informs the smaller man, "Not entirely. Maddie, Marie, Hitch, and Mike's little heartbreaker should be getting here soon."

 Mike groans internally but speaks out loud, "This was a mistake. I can't fucking be here if you guys keep talking about her."

 "If you can't handle us talking about her, how're you gonna handle seeing her?" Levi scoffs. 

 Erwin has stocked the bar with craft beer and various wines. Mike considers going ahead and breaking a few bottles open, but he resists—doesn't want a repeat of the forgotten party. 

 They set up a horror video game upstairs and an animated adult series downstairs. Erwin wasn't lying about it being a more relaxed environment than usual, but that doesn't stop Mike's neck from prickling when you arrive with Hitch at around five. Maddie and Marie show up a couple hours later, and Mike can feel the tension that surrounds all four of you. Amusing as it can be, he really doesn't have the patience for cattiness tonight. 

 High quality Chinese food is provided courtesy of Erwin's father's credit card as well as dipped strawberries that Nile keeps feeding Hitch. It gets Marie very heated very quickly, and Maddie has to talk her down in another room. 

 It makes Mike wonder if you would ever let him feed you like that or if you would snort and bat his hand away. What the fuck do you think you're doing, Zacharias? That's couples shit.

 It makes him sigh and slouch on the couch, thankful you're upstairs watching Connie play the most recent Resident Evil. 

 He knows you're not a fan of horror, so the only reason you'd be up there is to avoid Mike. 

 Good. 

 Erwin is the first to open the wine. Maddie won't leave his side, stuck to him like a magnet. The fact that he has to get a drink only furthers Mike's theory that Erwin didn't invite her as a real date. 

 He spends a fair amount of time shooting the shit with Levi. It isn't necessarily the most enjoyable conversation considering Levi's constant smartass comments, but it's better than trudging up to the second floor. 

 Nile fucks Hitch in the bathroom for everyone to hear. Marie starts crying and runs to the porch. This gathering is about as insufferable as Mike assumed it would be. 

 Eventually, you journey downstairs. It was inevitable. You spare Mike a glance and sigh as you make your way to the kitchen to grab a beer—you don't even like beer, so why—

 "Hey, can you grab me one too?" Erwin calls out, and when you hand it to him, he gives you that hundred watt grin Mike knows brings girls to their knees, but while Maddie stares at him with that dreamy look in her eyes, you just snort and gently shove him. 

 "Don't fuckin' look at me like that, Smith."

 Ah, the last name card, the one that you pull to act like you're all aloof when really you're just reeling them in. 

 "Like what?" Erwin asks before taking a sip, still smiling around the rim of the bottle. 

 "You know what."

 Mike chooses then to go upstairs, knowing he steals your attention as he stomps like a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

 Why did he even come here? Was it just to give himself more reason to brood? Solidify that he's valid in being angry? 

 Connie is trembling as his character makes his way through a decrepit house. Jean laughs every few minutes, but he also startles at every jump scare, leaving Reiner to call both of them pussies as he bites into strawberry after strawberry, throwing the stems into a little bowl in his lap. Mike supposes the first years are entertaining enough. He can see why Erwin invited them here. 

 It's close to nine o'clock. Mike is bored out of his mind, can't help venturing back downstairs mostly because he's tired of watching the pledges swear and shout at the video game (including Reiner now) but also out of morbid curiosity. 

 Marie has returned and is sitting in the kitchen with Maddie, both of whom are glaring into the den where you, Erwin, Nile, and Hitch share the couch. Hitch may as well be in Nile's lap, but you're sitting on the back ridge, feet planted on the cushions as you hunch forward and nurse a beer. Your knee is against Erwin's arm, but that's the only point of contact. Still, whenever something funny is said on the TV show, he looks up at you, as if to check that you're laughing, taking it in. Mike can't blame him. You have one of the cutest laughs he's ever heard. 

 Levi and Gelgar are both on plush loveseats on opposite sides of the room, either scrolling or typing on their phones. 

 Again, Mike has to think about how laid back the party is—even if he's a mess. It's so different from the raucous scenes he's used to—blasting music and keg stands and dancing on tables. This would be infinitely preferable if it weren't for the open pit in Mike's stomach. 

 If he could just chill the fuck out, pay absolutely no attention to you and Erwin and the way his fingers slowly wrap around your ankle when you won't stop bouncing your leg. 

 Not together his ass. 

 When Mike gets a text from Rhi, he basically sighs in relief—the perfect opportunity to forget about you for a while. 

 He doesn't bother asking to make sure it's okay with the host, just messages back, what are you doing rn? and immediately asks her to come over, knowing she only lives about an hour away. 

 Naturally, she agrees. One of the only great things about Rhi is that she’s always, always down to fuck. Mike doesn’t know if it has something to do with his size or if she just has a high sex drive. Either way, he’s glad for it.. 

 He meets her on the porch after waiting for what feels like an eternity, just having to sit and watch you kick Erwin’s thigh whenever he says something dumb. He always retaliates by pulling on your little toes which makes you squeak and almost fall off the couch. It’s fucking maddening, makes Mike want to pull his hair out or throw something, just trash the fucking house because Erwin deserves it. 

 But, then Rhi arrives in all her Ugg boot glory, wearing the old, green hoodie that you had given back to Mike a few months ago.

 They walk in, Mike’s hands on her shoulders like he’s pushing her over the threshold. You look up, take the other girl in, then very quickly step off the couch and prance into the kitchen without saying a word.

 Erwin, however, makes up for your silence, wide eyed as he stares at Rhi and utters, “Fuck.”

* You didn’t want to be like Maddie and Marie, jogging to a private place to cry over a fucking boy, but god, you are definitely locked in the bathroom, hunched over the sink sobbing as quietly as you can. Your nose is running, and your eyes are burning, leaking god damn rivers

 It wouldn’t have been so bad if she was just in her normal winter sorority get-up. But the hoodie? The one you wore for months on end, the one Mike would sniff whenever he would lay his head on your stomach, mumbling something about, “Smells good. Might have to take it back.” He didn’t have to say it out loud, but you knew he always felt a little jolt of pride when you’d wear it, like you were advertising how close you were to him.

 So, to see another girl wearing it—to see Rhi wearing it—it fucking hurts. Your throat is sore from holding back those loud, pained cries. Your stomach is rolling like you ate something spoiled. Your fingers ache from digging into the fancy, granite sink. Everything hurts. 

 It makes you wonder if Mike felt like this when you first told him about Zeke, if he feels like this now that he thinks you’re with Erwin—stupid, stupid, stupid. You shouldn’t have waited so long to talk to him. You should have cleared things up right after the party. Now, it’s too late. 

 There’s a knock on the door that makes you sniff and wipe your nose, but you still tell whoever is on the other side (most likely Hitch or Erwin), “Go away.”

 “It’s me.” Erwin. "Let me in."

 "Literally what did I just say?" 

 "If you don't unlock the door, I'll kick it in. It's my house, so I won't get in trouble for it."

 "Oh my god," you grumble before turning the lock on the knob. "Spoiled fucking brat."

 Erwin steps in and closes the door then takes a good look at your puffy face and red eyes. Sighing, he leans against the wall. "For the record, I didn't invite her. Mike must have—"

 "That doesn't make me feel any better," you say, grabbing some toilet paper to blow your nose. "Actually, it makes me feel even worse."

 "I just wanted to make sure you knew."

 "What, d'you want brownie points or something?" You ask sarcastically, making sure the toilet lid is down before sitting on it, bracing your arms on your knees and looking up at Erwin to find him frowning. "Sorry. I'm being a bitch, I know."

 He waves it off. "It's understandable. I'm not very happy with him either. The perpetual shitty mood is driving me crazy."

 You don't know much about that other than it being entirely your fault, so you apologize, "Yeah, sorry about that."

 "If you guys would have just talked it out like adults—"

 "Well, we didn't, Erwin. And, it seems like it's not even an option any more, so…" you hold your hands out in a clueless fashion, like you're at a loss. "I don't know what you want me to do."

 Your voice is thick, straining against the lump in your throat. Vision going blurry again, you shove your palms against your eyes, repeating, no more crying, no more crying, no more crying. 

 "I'm sorry he's doing this to you," Erwin says quietly. 

 You sniffle, almost laugh when you reply, "Not really different from what I did to him. Like," you have to blow your nose again so it doesn't start running, toss the toilet paper into the waste basket next to you. "I don't know if he's trying to get back at me or legitimately moving on, but I can't exactly hold it against him."

 "Still," Erwin takes a couple steps toward you. "Pulling this kind of shit is fucked up. He had to have known it would hurt you on some level."

 "You don't have to, like, take my side or whatever," you state. "I know we're friends and all, but you don't have to coddle me like this."

 "I'm not trying to coddle you. I'm sympathizing. There's a difference."

 "Whatever it is, it's unnecessary," you mumble.

 "Yeah?" Another step closer so that he's right in front of you. "So, you weren't planning on crying in here for the rest of the night?" 

 "No," you're quick to deny, but your lips quirk upward when you correct, "I was gonna go up to my room and cry in there for the rest of the night."

 Erwin shakes his head then pulls you into a strange embrace, pressing your face to his stomach with one hand while the other settles between your shoulder blades.

 Your first instinct is to shove him away, but his shirt is soft and smells like detergent, and his stomach is firm and grounding against your cheek, and the knuckles rubbing up and down the top of your spine are warm and soothing. 

 So, you stay in the slightly awkward position, shutting your eyes and trying to relax, but all you can think about is Mike walking in with his hands on Rhi and the way she looked in his hoodie. Is she cuter than you? Does she smell better than you? Does she treat him better than you did? 

 Tears well up in your eyes once again, dampening Erwin's shirt as they slip over your waterline, and before you know it, you're clutching the material covering the small of his back and crying against him. 

 And, he lets you—just keeps stroking between your shoulders and shushing you with a quiet, "I know, I know. It'll be okay." 

 Erwin is cocky and bold, takes things a little too far sometimes, but, just as you thought last year after he stole that kiss, he is good. Even if he's broken too many hearts to count and completely disregarded people's feelings, he's a good guy. At the very least, he's good to you, and that's what you need at the moment. 

 "What time is it?" You speak into his shirt. 

 "About eleven thirty."

 You hum and turn so that your forehead is resting just above his hips. It could be a suggestive position, but—

 But nothing. 

 You blink a few times, weighing the situation, everything that unfolded tonight—everything that's unfolded over the past semester and… it would make sense. It's not like you've never thought about it before. You're worked up and need to unwind, need to clear your head, and besides, Mike already believes there's something between you and Erwin, so why not take advantage of that?

 Sucking on your bottom lip, you go through a list of pros and cons. The biggest downside is that Mike will be upset with you. He already is, though, so there’s isn’t much to lose on that front. The upside is that you'll be able to forget about him for a while and possibly get an orgasm out of it. 

 "Hey, Erwin…" You're not entirely sure how to bring it up, but it turns out you don't have to. 

 "Don't fucking ask," he huffs. Perceptive bastard. 

 You push away from his stomach and look up at him. "Okay, why, though?"

 His head is hanging back, gaze trained on the ceiling as he admits, "Because if you ask, I won't say no, and it'll only make things worse."

 Something about that gives you butterflies. That's a good sign, means you might be invested enough to finally let your mind wander from Mike. 

 "Mike already thinks we're fucking, though, so unless you don't actually want to fuck me, I don't see why we shouldn't."

 Erwin walks backward until he hits the cabinets. His full lips are pressed into a tight line, and his blue eyes look like a warning. Don't push me. 

 "Do you honestly think you won't walk away from that feeling guilty?" He questions. "We know we aren't sleeping together, that we aren't actually doing anything wrong even if Mike doesn't believe it. But, to actually go through with it?" Erwin lets out a little chuckle and crosses his arms over his chest. "I probably won't feel bad 'cause I'm kind of an asshole, but you? You will feel awful."

 "I already feel awful," you remind him as you stand. "I already feel guilty. If you think I could feel any fucking worse than I already do, you might be overestimating my—my—I don't know—emotional capacity?"

 Moving forward, you nudge Erwin out of the way to get to the sink, splashing cold water on your face to clean it of dried tears. You cup a hand under the faucet, then toss some water into your mouth, swishing, and spitting, and turning back around. 

 Erwin's gaze is dark and not at all subtle when he eyes you up and down. 

 "I might hurt you, you know," he states in a voice that's considerably deeper than before. 

 You raise your eyebrows, unconvinced. "You don't have to worry about me catching feelings, Smith. Relax."

 Mouth tugging up on one side, Erwin smirks in a way that makes you squirm where you stand. 

 "That's not what I meant."

 It takes you a moment to decipher what he's trying to say, but you breathe an, "Oh," when you realize, then another as it truly sinks in. "Oh."

 That's okay, you want to tell him. I want to be hurt tonight. You only want it if it will hurt. If you confess to that desire, though, Erwin might back out—a disappointment considering the way you're starting to get a little excited. 

 "If I can handle Mike, I can handle you," you say, fully aware that he'll take it as a challenge. If there's one thing you know about men, it's that they thrive off competition. 

 Erwin is no different as he slides in front of you, hands finding your hips and pulling them to his. He's already half hard in his khakis, and you stand on your tip-toes, brushing against him as you do, to tilt your head back and hover just under his mouth as you tease, "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it before."

 "You have no idea how often I've thought about it—how often I think about it."

 You nip at his bottom lip, enjoying the way he licks it afterward. "Have you been holding back since we started hanging out—just the two of us?" 

 His fingers dig into your back, just above the curve of your ass, and you already know there will be small bruises left behind. 

 "Do you want me to paint a picture?" He rumbles, and you nod, pressing a kiss to his throat. "Any time I have you in my room I think about fucking you. On the bed. Over my desk. Up against a wall…" A little gasp makes its way out of him as you bite down on the skin you've been sucking on, and Erwin ruts against you a couple times before continuing, voice a little more strangled than before. 

 "Thought about fucking you downstairs on the couch for the whole frat to see, all spread out, moaning like a porn star. I know what you sound like," he whispers, catching you off guard when he suddenly lifts you to set you on the counter. "I've heard the way you scream for Mike." 

 There's a pang in your chest at the mention of him, but it's gone just as quickly. 

 "And, you'd like it, wouldn't you? Being watched." Erwin trails his lips from your temple to your ear, making you shiver when he speaks into it, "You can pretend all you want, but I know you liked it when I walked in on you and him. You liked being on display."

 He isn't wrong. You replay that instance in your head a little more than you probably should. 

 Hearing the fact stated now, though, right to your face has your body heating, arousal flooding you and making warmth pool between your legs. 

 "You can admit it, it's okay. I've known for a while now."

 One of his hands moves to the inside of your thigh then further up, fingers dancing over your covered pussy. It's your turn to gasp. You clutch his shoulders and spread your legs despite knowing there's no way you'll be satisfied with this, not when thick denim is separating you from his touch. 

 "Don't get too cocky, Smith." You try to sound confident, but it's hard to when your breath keeps hitching. 

 "Why?" He grazes his teeth over the sensitive space below your ear, and it makes you twitch in his grasp. "I have every reason to be."

 He goes on to list every other place he's thought about fucking you—apparently just about every setting you've ever been in with him. Each and every Pike party, the locker room before or after a lacrosse game, his Mustang, Mike's Wrangler.

 "That's fucked up," you somehow manage. 

 Erwin shrugs his shoulders, mumbles, "Can't help it," then slots his lips against yours for the first time (or, the first consensual time). 

 You're reminded of Zeke, the way all you did was compare him, only now with Erwin, you have two men who flash through your mind. He's softer than Zeke but just as bold as he cradles your head and slips his tongue into your mouth—tastes sweeter than Mike (probably from the strawberries), but it's not necessarily a good thing. It isn't bad either. It's just Erwin… Different. 

 His hair doesn't brush your cheeks like Mike's does. He doesn't have glasses to dig into your skin. Clean shaven, no coarse hairs to tickle against you, and he's smack in the middle in terms of height. You have to crane your neck more than you did with Zeke but less than you had to with Mike. 

 It's all a little jarring, but you feel this was always sort of an inevitability, at least once you started spending time with Erwin one on one. You never would have let this happen if you had stayed with Mike—if you had actually taken the next step with him—but that's why you started hanging out with Erwin in the first place. 

 You never noticed the way your back and forth was flirty, mostly just you giving him shit about one thing or another, but apparently others read further into it. And, you've had as good a time as you can. The heartache has put a damper on things, kept Erwin mostly off your radar save for the days you woke up frustrated and desperate, but that's what your vibrator is for. 

 Apparently, while you were busy making sure things stayed friendly between the two of you, Erwin's mind was getting away from him. Every god damn time you hung out, he told you, whether it was at the house or out to lunch, walking with you to classes or out to your car. 

 He did make it a habit of touching you, you can admit, but none of it was inappropriate—a nudge to knock you off balance that would result in you hitting him, a prod in the ribs that would result in you squeaking and hitting him. Sticking a foot out to trip you that would result in you…

 Dude obviously likes to be slapped around. 

 There's also the hugs. Up in his room when you feel extra gloomy, he'd wrap his arms around you and sway back and forth. Sometimes he'd sit and pull you with him, turn on a movie and keep a tight hold around your shoulders. There were afternoons you'd walk into his room while he was studying and just pass out in his bed, up too late the night before from worrying and obsessing, in need of a nap before your evening lecture. He'd set an alarm for you, stay up for a while longer before allowing himself to take a break and crawl under the blankets beside to—

 Oh, god, you've been dating Erwin Smith. 

 You have to break away from him to laugh, lightly hitting your head against his chest so that he chuckles and asks, "What?" 

 "I—" You look back up at him, shaking your head to yourself. "I can't believe I didn't fucking see it."

 "See what?" 

 "You and me—"

 "You and I," he corrects, and you shove him. 

 "You and I have just been doing what Mike and I were doing."

 "Uh, excuse me," he holds a finger up. "We have not been having endless sex, thank you."

 "That's not—" You roll your eyes. "I'm saying we've been dating without actually dating. Like, I get why everyone thinks we're a thing."

 "Oh," Erwin nods, sucking his teeth for a second then adding, "Yeah, I was wondering when you would figure that out."

 "Fucker. Did you do it on purpose? Like, just to prove you could?" 

 He frowns, looking genuinely offended. "Christ, what kind of person do you think I am?" 

 "Not twenty minutes ago you confessed to being an asshole."

 His face softens when he snickers. "Okay, true. But, no. I'm not trying to manipulate Mike or you for that matter. You've been upset, and you've put up with a lot of shit over the last few months, and I just figured you could use a friend."

 Staring up at him, you notice the way his face is turning a little red, and you hold your tongue between your teeth as you smile knowingly. 

 "You caaare about meee."

 He scoffs and looks away

 "Heartbreaker Smith cares about a girl," you tease. "How embarrassing."

 "Laugh it up. You would've been miserable without me."

 "I mean, yeah, but still. What's it like having a platonic girlfriend?" 

 He tilts his head to the side then reaches forward to squeeze your thighs. "Is it really platonic if we're about to have sex?" 

 "Absolutely. Hundred percent."

 "You're not even a little worried that it'll become a regular thing and you'll fall in love?" The arrogance is both astounding and amusing. 

 Cocking your head, you take a deep breath, expression one of false sympathy as you pat his stomach. "I'm positive. Unfortunately, my heart belongs to another."

 Erwin clicks his tongue before moving forward and sliding his hands between the counter and your ass. "I'm a little hurt, honestly. I'm used to fucking a girl and having to hide out for a while afterward—always so clingy."

 You squint, can't tell if he's being serious or overdramatizing to annoy you. 

 "You know what? Nevermind. I don't even want your little playboy ass anymore—"

 Naturally, he turns the charm back on right then, getting too close to your face, blue eyes flicking to your lips before he breathes, "Don't lie," and presses a tiny peck to them. "The tough girl act is only believable for so long."

 "Wow, fuck you."

 "That's the idea," he smirks. 

 "Har fucking har. You're so funny."

 Erwin pulls you closer to the edge of the counter and grinds his hips against yours then prompts, "Your room or mine?" 

 "Mine," you reply. "I'd rather you have to do the walk of shame later."

 "Probably a good idea since you won't be able to once I'm finished with you."

 You actually laugh out loud. It would have worked on you a few minutes ago, but all the joking has you a little giggly at this point. 

 Fuck, he is going to make a great distraction. 

 "Okay, calm down. Don't make promises you can't keep."

 "Sounds like a challenge to me."

 "Men," you sigh. "So predictable."

 After minutes more of unnecessary banter, Erwin finally coaxes you out of the bathroom you've both spent far too much time in. Your face has cleared up, the urge to cry subsiding, though your heart still drops in your chest when you pass behind Mike and Rhi on the couch, green eyes tracking you as you walk up the stairs in front of Erwin. 

 This is not the right way to solve a problem, but it'll probably be fun for a while. It's already fun as Erwin kicks the door closed and walks you back to the bed. He isn't even touching you, just watching you with a hazy blue gaze. He isn't smiling, looks like a predator, and honestly, it's ridiculously attractive. 

 "Stop making that face."

 "What face?" 

 "That—that—"

 You run into the bed, wave your arms to keep your balance, but Erwin presses his fingertips to your chest and just barely pushes to knock you back. 

 "What face, hm?" 

 The hair on your arms and neck is standing on end, anticipation bubbling in your gut as you try to crawl higher on the mattress only for Erwin to grab you by the ankle and tug you back down. 

 Damn. He's good at this. 

 "Stay," he commands, straightening up to take his shirt off. 

 He's tan and toned, light blonde hair sprinkled over his chest and above the waistband of his pants. 

 You're reminded of the very first Pike party you went to, the first time you slept with Mike (and can't remember), walking downstairs the following morning to find Erwin in the kitchen wearing sweats and drinking his coffee and smirking at you like he could tell the future. 

 Maddening. He's maddening. 

 You rid yourself of your own top then shimmy out of your jeans. Erwin eyes you hungrily, causing your whole body to tingle. It simultaneously makes you want to cover yourself and spread yourself open for him. 

 "I have been waiting way too fucking long for this," Erwin mumbles, raking fingernails down your torso so that you take in a shuddering breath. 

 "It's been, like, a y-year and a half." Your back arches on its own volition, hips bucking as Erwin scratches over the bones before catching your thong and pulling it down. He kneels at the end of the bed, a familiar scene save for the head of shiny, golden hair.

 "A year and a half of having to look but not touch."

 "Poor little—" you gasp when he parts your folds with his thumbs, staring at your pussy then blowing a stream of air over it. 

 "Do you know how many times I've jacked off to the thought of you? How many times I've slept with other girls while imagining it was you?" 

 You want to make another smartass comment, tease him about being a pervert or in his feelings or something, but you can't find your voice as he licks a long, slow stripe up your slit. You stare at the ceiling, not even blinking as too many signals fire in your brain all at once. 

 Erwin is good with his mouth. Like, stupid good. He has a teasing rhythm, flicks your clit with the tip of his tongue until your muscles are coiled then moves to trace the ring of your entrance, taking his time as you turn from human to puddle. 

 He’s better at this than Zeke who would purposely graze his teeth over your sensitive little bud a little too hard on purpose, would suck on it until it hurt. He liked when you whimpered for him, liked leaving raised welts on your ribs and back from where he’d scratched. The intermixed pain and pleasure never failed to make you come, but the climb up to that precipice was usually precarious for lack of a better term.

 Then, there’s Mike (because of course there is). His mood usually determined how he would take you, hard and fast before a game or slow and lazy as you both relaxed in his room. One thing always stayed the same no matter his disposition, and it’s that he fucking worshiped your pussy—even said it on multiple occasions. He would eat you out like a starving man, lapping at your juices like it would quench his thirst. Some days he would overstimulate you to the point of tears, neverending licks lavished over your clit as he pumped thick fingers in and out of your cunt. Other days he would go down on you like it was a fucking hobby—turn on a movie, spread you out on the foot of his bed, and eat you out while only halfway paying attention to the TV. He could pull multiple orgasms from you that way, letting you come around a finger or two before returning to your pulsing clit. Fuck, you used to make such a mess. He’d spend minutes trying to lick you clean, but you always ended up in the shower afterward.

 You shouldn’t be thinking of that right now, though. You should be thinking about Erwin’s clever tongue and the fingertips just barely brushing over sensitive skin. You want them inside of you, want something to clamp down on, but no matter how much you pull his hair or utter a breathy, “Please,” he keeps the same pace, only moving on when he feels like it.

 He’s doing it on purpose, trying to break you before even getting to the point of fucking you, and if you’re being honest, it just might work. He’s gonna make you lose your god damn mind tonight. Exactly like you want to.

 “Fuck, how much p-practice have you had with th-this?”

 Erwin laughs, stilling your wriggling by curling his arms around your thighs. “Too much, probably.”

 You whine when he continues, but when he starts softly sucking on your clit, you’re surprised at how close you suddenly feel, your legs naturally trying to spread further but remaining immobilized in Erwin’s grip. The threat of not being able to move only intensifies the building sensation in your gut, and soon you’re gasping his name, eyes rolling as you try in vain to buck further into his face. 

 You feel more than hear Erwin groan, a deep vibration that pours over your clit and makes you twitch. He gives you a few more long licks, then pulls back and stands, exposing the way his mouth and chin are covered in a glossy sheen. 

 “Feel better yet?” He smirks.

 You wave a lazy hand, don’t want to fluff his ego too much, so you allow him to witness your borderline stoned state while still jeering, “I’ll feel better when I have your cock inside me.”

 Erwin laughs to himself, mutters, “Eager,” then takes his pants off. 

 Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you give his cock a cursory glance and stop. “Hold on,” then slide off the bed and to your knees. 

 If you’re gonna fuck Erwin Smith, you’re at least gonna appreciate it. 

 He inhales sharply as you place your hands on his thighs, eyes traveling over his length. It’s pretty, above average in size, smooth, with a flared tip that’s currently flushing a dark pink. 

 “I really hate to admit this, but you could be, like, a dick model.”

 He chokes on some kind of snort, and you swear his entire chest turns red. “I—thank you?”

 “You’re welcome,” you tell him, promptly taking hold of his cock and guiding it into your mouth.

 “Oh, fuck, fuck—”

 His skin is soft against your tongue, warm as you take him deeper. His girth stretches your jaw, but you’re still pretty used to the feeling, had to get used to it with Mike because he’s a little bigger than—

 That’s not important. 

 Erwin breathes through his teeth as he places a hand on the top of your head, and when you look up at him through your eyelashes, he lets out a disbelieving little laugh. That confident fucking tease is nowhere to be found as you swipe your tongue over the tiny hole leaking pre then surge forward, almost pressing your nose to his pelvis as you run the muscle back and forth under the base of his cock.

 “Shit, let me—let me lean against the bed,” he says, pulling you off him and chuckling, “Gonna make my fucking knees buckle.”

 You turn where you’re kneeling, waiting for him to get better stabilized before resuming your efforts to ruin this annoying, charming frat boy who is always put together. You suck and slurp and trigger your gag reflex a couple times. Erwin’s fingers scratch against your scalp like he’s looking for purchase. He’s careful not to be too brutal as he pushes you down on his cock, raising his hips to meet your rhythm. His head is thrown back, thighs tensing under your hands as his chest rises and falls with short breaths. 

 You have to work up to it, but once you feel loose enough, you press forward and let Erwin slip further into your throat. His voice sounds like honey when he groans a low, “Hoooly fuck,” letting his head hang down as he attempts to stare at you with unfocused eyes. 

 “Okay, okay, okay,” he huffs. “Keep going and we won’t get to the main event.”

 You pull off of him with a lewd pop then raise to your feet. Your knees are a little sore, but it’s nothing some exercise won’t work out. 

 “Want me to wear a condom?”

 “I don’t care. I’m clean and on birth control,” you tell him. “What about you?”

 “Well, I’m clean, but I haven’t gotten my birth control prescription refilled in a wh—”

 You flick his chest, and Erwin laughs as he bats you away. 

 “Alright. Up on the bed with you then,” he motions to the mattress. “Lay on the edge.”

 You do as you're told, spreading your legs for Erwin to stand between, and you bite your lip when you feel him rub the head of his cock between your folds. You’re still wet with slick—probably dripped onto the carpet when you were giving him head—which makes the glide easier as he teases you. 

 “Ready?” He asks, wriggling thick eyebrows until you smile. He doesn’t wait for an actual answer before he starts pushing in, pressing your legs to your chest as he slowly seats himself in your cunt.

 You’re making that face—eyebrows moving toward your hairline as if you’re worried, jaw dropping open as air is pushed from your lungs. Erwin looks focused, licking his lips as he gazes down at the way your pussy stretches around him. 

 He thrusts in and out at a tortuous pace, apparently waiting for you to start trembling around him before he deems you ready to take more. Every one of his movements is measured, slowly pulling out only to push in all at once. The ridge of his cock drags over your g-spot, pressing firmly against it and making you claw at his shoulders. 

 He feels good, satisfying, but he’s not quite as good as Mike who used to hit all your spots without even thinking about it—somehow making you beg like a whore and sing like a little girl in Sunday school all at the same time. 

 Still, you don’t have to lie when Erwin quickens his pace and pants, “Feel good?” 

 “Fuck—yes, yes, Jesus Christ—”

 He’s pulling all manner of crude sounds from your pussy, wet and greedy as it sucks him back in with every rut of his hips. The angle is perfect—his height paired with the bed on stilts has him hitting your spot every time, and you feel the need to warn him, “If you keep—keep fucking me like this—god—m’gonna squirt.”

 “Fuck yes,” he praises, wetting a thumb in his mouth before bringing it down to massage your clit. He only speeds up as your voice rises, body confused like your muscles don’t know if they should be flexed or relaxed. 

 You feel that tell-tale burning, that urge that only gets stronger the more Erwin abuses your g-spot and presses against your clit.

 “Shit, shit, shit—”

 Erwin groans when fluid starts to trickle from you, pushes more and more out of you while quickly swiping two fingers over your clit. The sense of relief is mind-numbing. You can’t even be upset that your sheets are gonna be damp whenever you decide to sleep. 

 He doesn’t slow down, doesn’t lose his rhythm, just sticks his two wet fingers into his mouth and sucks them clean. 

 You see it now—the skill, the appeal, why the girls always come back to him. It makes sense. He’s devastatingly handsome, especially like this, all fucked out and flushed, hair out of place, lips red and swollen from biting them. 

 Yeah, Erwin is fucking hot.

 But, that doesn’t mean he’s your type. 

 Pulling out, he flips you onto your stomach, and you have to stand on your tip-toes as you lean over the bed. The burn in your calves disappears almost entirely when he slides into you from behind, pelvis pressing against your ass as he curls over you, cupping your tits and tweaking your hardened nipples as he gifts you with a series of shallow thrusts. It makes you whimper and teeter forward, unable to balance and squirm at the same time. Face suddenly buried in the mattress, your cries are muffled by the blankets. Erwin’s hands travel back to your hips, rocking you back and forth on his slick cock. He’s getting a little rougher, pressing into you as deeply as he can, and the fact that you’ll be sore from this tomorrow gives you a strange sense of satisfaction. 

 Only way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else, right? Or, underneath in your case. Being a little more in control wouldn’t be the worst thing, though, so…

 “Erwin, Erwin, fuck—Lemme ride you.”

 There is no hesitation. Erwin slips out of you and throws himself onto the bed, grinning crookedly as he watches you climb over him on unsteady limbs. His patience must have worn out some time ago, because he holds his cock with one hand, using the other to line you up with it, then guides you down his length. 

 You have to sit still for a second, or you would like to, but Erwin is still holding your hips, and he rocks you back and forth in his lap like he knows. He probably does. He’s probably fucked enough girls to notice exactly when their eyes pop open, when they shudder and break out in goosebumps because that pressure is hitting exactly where it needs to, and yeah, he knows. 

 Finding it in yourself to move again, you lean over Erwin, planting your hands on the pillows by his head, then start bouncing on his cock. He hisses in a dark, appreciative way, eyes and hands immediately drawn to your chest. He sits up enough to suck one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and pinching then doing the same to the other. 

 He’s so good—feels so good, knows just where to touch, the exact place to bite on your neck that makes you melt, but how—how does he know that? It’s like he has a sixth sense or—

 Or, he just paid attention to the bruises that Mike used to leave on the sides of your throat. That checks out. 

 Fuck, he used to mark you like he wanted everyone to see, especially that last night. It was almost animalistic, like he had been—marking his territory, Zeke’s voice plays in your head. It makes you frown, and you rid yourself of the thought only to replace it with the memory of Mike’s mouth on your skin, his calloused fingertips trailing down your torso, huge hands wrapping around your legs to pull you against him—

 You whine, glad it sounds like a sound of desperation rather than frustration. You just want to stop thinking about him. Just an hour—if you could go a single fucking hour—

 “Hey, look at me,” Erwin commands in a soft voice. 

 You open your eyes, still hovering over him, and expect him to say something, but instead he just reaches up to the back of your head and pulls you into a kiss. 

 He’s helping move you on top of him, forcing you to take his cock over and over, and like this, so close and breathing him in, you don’t even have the room to think about Mike. 

 Both of your bodies are damp with sweat, and Erwin’s hair is a mess, pushed from his flushed face. He bites down on your bottom lip and tugs, only letting go to ask, “Where do you want me?”

 “I don’t care,” you groan, legs and arms and pussy growing sore. You’re not surprised; you’ve been going at it for a while now. 

 Erwin licks your lower lip as if to soothe it after biting it, tells you, “Oh, don’t give me that option. You know where I’ll pick.”

 Smiling, you straighten up then move to fit your feet underneath you so you can bounce more freely. “You can come inside, dude. It feels good to me, too.”

 “I really don’t know how to respond to being called ‘dude’ when I’m balls deep in a girl.”

 You shrug, “Sorry not sorry,” then raise and drop yourself, feeling in charge for the first time tonight. 

 “Fuck—shit—”

 That feeling is short lived as Erwin goes right back to using you the way he wants. You think for about half a second that he’s finally, really losing himself, but the accuracy of his finger on your clit proves that is not the case. He’s clearly having a good time, but he isn’t at that feral stage that Mike falls into sometimes.

 Before you can dwell on it for too long, you hit your peak, moaning Erwin’s name, hips moving uncontrollably as you ride out your orgasm.

 He’s speaking, mumbling praise or pleas or curses, you aren’t so sure, but after about another minute of fucking into you relentlessly, Erwin comes, shooting line after line inside of you until he’s spent and twitching. 

 With your two previous partners, this is usually when you’d fall forward and cuddle, catch your breath and enjoy the feeling of being all plugged up.

 But, it’s Erwin, huffing and blinking up at the ceiling then finally stating, “That was a dumb idea.”

 It makes you laugh for some reason, probably because you agree. 

 The sex was great. There is a reason girls talk about him on campus, about his sexual prowess or whatever, and if you weren’t too busy suffocating in your little pit of heartbreak, thinking about your best friend nonstop, you wouldn’t mind fucking Erwin again. And, again and again.

 That’s not gonna happen, though. The heat of the moment is fading, every mental faculty returning to you, and despite the fact that you’re still seated on his cock, as you look down at him, you feel absolutely no spark.

 He’s ridiculously attractive, pretty fucking brilliant but with a dumb sense of humor, and you love him. You really do. He’s done a lot for you over the last semester, made it at least somewhat bearable, but… This shouldn’t have happened. 

 Hopefully, it quelled his curiosity, though.

 “I told you it would just make you feel shitty,” he mumbles, but he doesn’t look sad. Sympathetic more than anything, resigned that he’s probably going to have to pick up the pieces of another mess. 

 “Yeah,” you drawl. “You were right.” Your joints pop as you stand, towering over Erwin for once and leaking his fucking cum as you hop off the bed. 

 “It’s been known to happen from time to time,” he jokes absentmindedly, wiping a few drops of white off his stomach then reaching for the tissues on the nightstand. 

 You don’t feel awkward or out of place, but you have no idea what else to say. The only thing that comes to mind is, “I’m gonna take a shower,” as you walk toward the bathroom.

 Erwin moves on the bed, stretching a little before grabbing his pants and leaving you to your devices, but you pause before stepping onto the tile, turn back and pace over to him.

 “Hey,” you start, and Erwin glances up from the button of his khakis. “Thanks.”

 He rolls his eyes, a small smile playing at his lips, and once he’s all zipped and buttoned up, he pulls you into a hug. 

 “I would say any time, but we probably shouldn’t do this again.”

 “Yeah, probably not.”

 You breathe into the space under his collarbone, humming as he gently scratches you back, then break away. “Alright, actually gonna shower now.”

 Erwin nods, “You do that,” then slaps your ass as soon as you turn around. 

 You look at him over your shoulder with raised eyebrows, but he just winks and tells you, “I had to. Just once,” which is fair. 

 You run a hot shower, scrub the shit out of your skin, lather your hair with some fancy shampoo then rinse it off. Once you go through your full routine, you’re happy to change into pajamas and slip into the comfortable bed. You don’t even mind that the comforter is a little damp in various places.

* You don’t stir when the door opens and closes, but you do when the mattress dips. Shifting slightly, you assume it’s just Erwin, falling back into your usual routine by slipping under the covers with you.

 As soon as he lays behind you, though, you know it isn’t Erwin. You recognize that weight, that warmth, that smell, and you are very awake very quickly. 

 “M-Mike?”

 All he offers is a little, “Mm,” to confirm.

 You chew on the inside of your cheek, confused and clueless as to what you’re supposed to do. 

 “Are you drunk again?”

 “No. Little buzzed.”

 Why is he here, then? You want to ask—What is he doing? Why isn’t he with Rhi?

 You start to turn to face him but you're stopped when Mike sets a hand on your back. It's oddly firm, keeping you in place as he grunts, "No, don't."

 "What?" 

 "Don't turn around." His voice is hushed and choppy, like he's gritting out every syllable. 

 "Mike?"

 "I have shit I wanna say to you, and I won't be able to if you're lookin' at me."

 You have no idea how to respond to that, don't know if this is going to be a positive one-sided conversation where Mike confesses deep feelings while actually sober, or if he'll just unload all the baggage you've given him. Either way, you wish you could see his face. Something about having him laying behind you, close enough to feel his body heat, has you feeling very uneasy. 

 But, you nod, "Okay," trying to put on a brave face that he refuses to look at. 

 For a while, he just breathes. You assume it’s because he’s gathering his thoughts or maybe working up the courage to say something, but the suspense is making you shiver under your blankets. You have that terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, the mix of anticipation and regret you get on the way up to the first drop of a rollercoaster. 

 “Why have you been lying to me?”

 And, there’s that drop. 

 You swallow. “I haven’t been.”

 “Bullshit.”

 “Mike, I haven’t been!” You try to turn again, but his large hand is still right in the middle of your back. 

 “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” His fingers close around the material of your shirt. You feel it tighten at your chest, making it hard to breathe—harder to breathe. “How are you gonna tell me that right after sleeping with him?” 

 You open your mouth to argue, realize you can’t make a case for yourself, and when you snap your jaw shut again, the sound of your teeth clacking seems to echo in your head.

 Yesterday, you would have been able to talk to him about this and be honest when telling him you weren’t fucking his best friend. Now, though…

 God, that had been such a bad decision. Why hadn’t you just listened to Erwin? Why can’t you fucking listen to anyone?

 “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Mike mutters. His grip loosens, but you can still feel a light tug at your shirt, the movement of fingers, and you think he might be rubbing over the material he’s still holding. “Pretty sure all of us could hear you guys goin’ at it, so… Thanks for that.”

 You take a deep breath in, squeezing your eyes shut because it sinks in that this is not going to be nice conversation. This isn’t going to result in the two of you apologizing and making love confessions to each other. 

 “I… I’m sorry.”

 Now, you’re grateful for not being able to see his face. You wouldn’t be able to stand looking at him right now, not when you know his expression will be grim—probably angry. 

 “I can’t really do anything with sorry,” Mike sighs. His hand drops from your back, but you make no move to turn over. 

 Your heart is like a hummingbird’s, beating frantically in your chest as that ache rises inside of you again, making your throat constrict and your eyes burn. 

 “Why’d you invite Rhi tonight?” You ask, hoping your sniffle isn’t too noticeable.

 “Why does it matter?”

 You suppose it doesn’t, but you still want to know, “Is it to get back at me, or is it because you’re actually into her?”

 Mike scoffs. “Not that it’s any of your business, but do you think I’d be in your room at three in the fucking morning if I was into her?”

 It’s probably the closest he’ll get to admitting it, but it’s all you need to hear. He’s been going out of his way to hurt you. At least any pain you’ve caused him wasn’t intentional. Until tonight, that is, and even then, you didn’t fuck Erwin to hurt him; you did it to help yourself. 

 Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth, you hold back tears and mumble a thick, “Just wanted to know.”

 “Want to make sure I’m still interested? That I’ll keep waiting for you to fucking realize—”

 “I have—” You turn over roughly, pinning Mike’s hand under your ribs as you glare at him, but he manages to put more distance between the two of you when he yanks his arm back and sits up.

 “I can’t do this anymore,” he tells you, and you think you hear his voice waver for a second.  

 The orange light pouring in from the bathroom is the only way you can tell his eyes are wide—worried—and it chills all the blood in your body.

 “Wh-what d’you mean?” 

 “I mean, I can’t fucking do this anymore,” he repeats a little louder, drawing it out like it’ll help you understand. “I cannot deal with you anymore. I can’t keep feeling this way, okay?”

 “Mike…”

 “No,” he stops you, acts like he has something else lined up but bites his tongue and sighs. He sits cross-legged on the bed now, hangs his head as he speaks calmly, “This semester has fucking sucked. I am angry all the time. I can’t focus in class, and I can’t play lacrosse without getting in trouble, and I can’t fuck anyone else without feeling bad—I can’t fucking do anything without thinking of you, and I’m—” he looks at the wall and shakes his head. “I’m exhausted.”

 “I am too,” you tell him, voice cracking as that lump in your throat grows and bubbles, pushing hot tears from your eyes that you quickly wipe away. “Mike, I am too, so can we just—”

 “No,” he cuts you off again. “Whatever it is you’re about to say—move on, pretend it didn’t happen, pick up where we left off, whatever… the answer is no.”

 He seems like he already has his mind made up, came into the room with a plan, and he isn’t gonna let you talk him out of it. 

 So, you stay as silent as you can, sniffing and swallowing and letting the comforter catch every teardrop. 

 “I have been… Right in front of you this whole time. I made myself completely available for a year—was at your beck and fucking call. I was—I mean—I was good to you, right?” He sounds incredulous, like he can barely believe he’s asking. 

 “Yeah,” you manage. “Yeah, you were.”

 “Then, why…? Zeke? And, now Erwin?”

 “Do you want me to try to explain, or do you just wanna rant for a while?”

 Mike glances at you, looks surprised that you’d give him the option. 

 “Honestly, I don’t really wanna hear it. You’ve more than proved your point.”

 Indignation swirls in your stomach alongside your nausea, and you press, “My point being?”

 “That I’m not good enough.”

 Oh, god. No, no, no. You could understand him being angry. You’re okay with him being angry, it’s fine. But, this—this feeling of inferiority? That is so much worse. It makes you sick. This is the last thing you’d ever want Mike to feel. It’s the last thing he should feel because it’s false. He has no reason—he’s too good and too kind and too warm. He’s like… He’s fucking sunshine. He can light up a room, and he doesn’t even know it.

 “Mike, n-no,” your voice breaks, making you sound like a wounded animal. “You are so, so good. You are more than enough, I promise.”

 He snorts in a self-deprecating manner. “Then, why—”

 “Because I’m not good enough. I fucked this up. This is my fault, and I can own that as long as you know that there is absolutely no—nothing wrong with you,” the last part comes out as a squeak as you try not to hyperventilate and cry the way your body is urging you to. Not yet. 

 Mike nods a few times. You can see his mouth moving from the side like he’s biting his lip or sucking his teeth until he agrees, “Yeah,” then adds a quiet, “Whatever you say, babe,” that makes you want to throw up.

 Mike scoots to the edge of the bed and stands. You assume he’s about to leave, let you be alone with your thoughts, so when he rounds the corner to get to your side, you sit up a little straighter. 

 Half of his face is illuminated, casting shadows under his eyes, highlighting the bruise on his neck that Rhi probably left, but your gaze is trained on his as he leans down to you. A finger hooks under your chin, and Mike tilts your face at an angle, kissing you so softly that it’s painful. 

 His lips are warm and familiar, everything you’ve been craving as they cover yours. There’s no tongue, no force, just light pressure as he inhales through his nose.

 You know what this is, what he’s doing, but you can’t prepare yourself because there’s still that tiny string of hope you’re grappling for. He just needs a break. You just need to give him space. That’s all—

 “I love you,” Mike murmurs. His voice is low and honest and slices you open. “I love you so fucking much it hurts, and I just—” He brushes a thumb over your lower lip as he pulls away, and it takes everything in you not to grab his hand and beg him to stay. “It’s like I hate you too.”

 You pull away to wipe your face with the blanket. There’s so much you want to say but have no idea how to articulate it, so all you can do is stare at Mike with wide, watery eyes. He… hates you. He hates you. 

 Straightening, Mike’s expression is suddenly nonchalant, like he just flipped a switch in his brain. “I’m not exactly the social butterfly I used to be, but I wanna have fun my last semester of undergrad—make up for the time I lost fucking brooding over you, so—”

 “I’ll stop going to the Pike house,” you tell him quietly. It’s easier to make the decision yourself rather than have to hear it from his mouth: Don’t come around anymore. I don’t want to see you. 

 “Cool. And, if you, like, see me on campus or anything—”

 You cough, maybe gag, you can’t really tell at this point because wow, this just keeps getting worse. 

 “I won’t bother you.”

 “Cool.” He bends to press another much more patronizing kiss to the crown of your head, then starts walking toward the door. “I’m just gonna try to move on, you know? Start fresh. And, you should do the same. Shouldn’t be too hard for you.” 

 You don’t watch him leave, just listen for the door to click shut behind him before you crawl out of bed, turn the lights on, and start packing your things. 

 You and Hitch drove together, but you have no doubt that she'll be able to get a ride with Nile, and with that thought, you’re out of the ranch house and on the road just as the first rays of the morning sun start shining over the horizon.

 *

 It’s surprisingly easy for Mike to slip back into his old, obnoxious persona, and the remainder of the school year is spent partying, fucking, and cramming for tests he should have studied for weeks in advance.

 But, life is short, and he’s done beating himself up over stupid shit.

 Most of his PKA brothers are happy to have him “back”, and the pledges get the chance to see this of him, but there are times when Mike catches Erwin or Nile shaking their heads at him. He doesn’t mind much. They can both go fuck themselves for all he cares. 

 True to your word, you don’t show your face around the house. There were a few weeks after the holiday get-together where Erwin would disappear for a few hours at a time and come back either tired or angry, sometimes a combination of the two. 

 He attempted to bring you up in a conversation a total of one time, right in the middle of a party where Mike had been eyeing up a sorority girl. He brushed his friend off, easily telling Erwin, “Don’t fuckin’ talk to me about her,” through the crooked grin he was flashing at the little blond across the room. 

 Erwin didn’t bother after that, obviously deeming Mike a lost cause. 

 Mike knows better, though. He isn’t lost anymore. In fact, he’s found himself all over again.

 Every once in a while, he’ll catch a glimpse of you on campus, but whenever that happens, he just turns around and takes a different route to wherever he’s going. He doesn’t want to give you any reason to think you can talk to him—doesn’t want to give you the chance.

 He’s spent too much of his time hung up on you, too much time pining and hurting, and that hasn’t disappeared entirely. Mike can still clearly remember the way you looked at him the last night the two of you spoke, the way your tears twinkled in the dim light. He remembers how strangled you sounded while speaking, remembers the way your shoulders shook as you fought your emotions, remembers the way your lips trembled against his. 

 It wasn’t very satisfying. Mike left the ranch house the following morning sporting a few bruises on the outside thanks to Rhi as well as a few bruises on the inside thanks to you. 

 That entire night had been a clusterfuck—between Maddie and Marie storming off to cry then the little stunt he pulled by inviting Rhi, it had been much too dramatic for a gathering of that size. Mike experienced a wide variety of emotions that night, but the one that stands out the most is the searing rage that threatened to burn him from the inside, the red the clouded his vision as soon as he heard you moan Erwin’s name through the wall. 

 Mike had already been toying with the idea of severing all ties with you, but that’s what pushed him over the edge, watching you put on your little show when Rhi walked in only to turn around and have a grand fucking time with his best friend. 

 It needed to happen. Mike needed to free himself of you. It feels good. Mostly. There are still some days he comes close to giving in, just picking up his phone and calling you, but he resists, and he’s better for it. 

 He gets through his classes, does well on his finals after actually putting in the time to prepare for them, and by the time Mike graduates, he’s already been accepted to the graduate program of his choice and has an internship lined up. The tension between him and Erwin has faded for the most part, which is great since he’s going to grad school in the same area up north. Things look… promising—something he didn’t think possible without you by his side, something he didn’t want to be possible without you by his side. 

 But, now, here he is, unpacking his new apartment with the help of Scout who insists on sniffing absolutely everything. He’s halfway across the country from his parents, away from all he’s ever known, and Mike couldn’t be more thrilled about it. 

 He can go full days without sparing you a thought now, and he hopes—he prays—that one day he’ll think of you for the last time in his life. 

[ next ]

[liziocit]

The parallels of LSZ, JL & JC

I noticed this as I was thinking about how MDZS is just chef's kiss with all its hidden metaphors and lessons.

Jin Ling, Lan Sizhui both serve as a foil to Jiang Cheng and a symbol of how the major morals of the story affected them.

Jin Ling, like Jiang Cheng is raised to hate, to overpower others, to overcome some mighty, "villainous" mountain that is Wei Wuxian.

Both are friendless and have a less than friendly personality(at the start for JL) and are at the height of privilege.

However, one has no ability to change, to move on and see past things, too stuck in their warped view of the world. While one does, they have the ability to slowly but surely see clearly what happened, why it happened and move on as he takes the lessons from it.

Lan Sizhui, much as I regret it, is also somewhat similar to Jiang Cheng. Both of them had reasons to hate, to stay stuck on the past more so for Sizhui.

But Sizhui chooses to move on and forgive and perhaps take the lessons of life that were provided for him by his dictatorial side of his family, the innocent side and the cultivation world.

Instead of choosing revenge, he wants to respect his family, to lay the ashes in their proper graves and return back to his home. (literally) And my boi, Sizhui, I and many others respect you for this.

He chooses to befriend Jin Ling and stay friends with him, even if he is the relative of the Jins, who forced him and his family into labour camps, who basically forced his xian-gege to his death.

Who he may have some residual fear for. (am not sure but i feel he did)

Also, to add onto the raised to hate point. This foil especially shows that being abused does not necessarily mean you cannot break out of the cycle of abuse.

As shown with Jiang Cheng, he was abused by his mom and grew to abuse his nephew with the same worldview that hasn't done him any favours. However his nephew, who was abused, does not grew to abuse anyone nor does he share the same worldview the moment he was exposed to healthy love, morals and worldviews.

This foil is especially important, as it shows that even when you have the agency to change and become better you may not necessarily.

Because as seen one of them decided that they didn't want to continue with the world view he was raised on while another felt that the toxic worldview he was raised on coincided perfectly with his already horrible personality traits. Both had agency to change and only one chose it.

Both Jin Ling and Lan Sizhui have such beautiful qualities that embody how moving on and laying the past in the past is the best thing for you!

And to be honest, I think that Jiang Cheng was written as he was to make the foil more apparent and to emphasize that the moral of the story is legit.

Jiang Cheng's morals lead to his lonely life because he doesn't break away from his toxic mindset. While Jin Ling's and Lan Sizhui's morals lead to them making friends and enjoying their life alongside their responsibilities.

It's kinda sad that instead of peeps understanding this, they twist the whole story into some fucked up fantasy world where uwu jc boi is the victim every time/

He tripped? It's the ground's fault it's uneven. He hurt his shixiong's feelings? Why's he so sensitive! Doesn't he know that's JC's love language? He scared his nephew with his threats? Don't you know that 'break your legs' means don't get hurt, I love you, you're the only family I have?

But anyway, MTXT is a genius for these amazing hidden parallels and lessons within them.

[parrishh]

about to write the world's longest post (a review? maybe?) because i don't know anyone else who has read mister impossible yet and if i do not write my thoughts down SOMEWHERE i will either combust or eat my own foot, probably (spoilers, obviously)

genuinely brokenhearted (and cried a lot) over ronan in this book. part of what i loved so much about cdth was the sense that ronan had at least made some progress in regards to his mental health, self-love, etc. and now we're seeing him in such a dark place again that it hurts to read. it was sad enough believing, for almost the entire book, that he was blindly idolizing bryde for this reason (declan's "ronan is a follower" speech in the cafe with carmen actually killed me), and i thought maggie was just going for the whole "unhappy people are more susceptible to cults" thing. but to find out that he MADE bryde? that he felt so alone and so hopeless that he dreamt THAT? this read like some sort of super-villain origin story. i know ronan believes he's doing the right thing, saving dreamers and dreams and all that, but at the core of it all he's really doing it because bryde told him to, and bryde only exists because ronan subconsciously hates his life so much he'll do whatever it takes to make himself a new one. that just makes me incredibly sad

uhhhhhhhh bad day for pynch stans. we didn't technically get the dreaded break up, but it feels like we did anyway. even the sweet moments (e.g. ronan's memory of adam's gloves) are immediately followed up by something sad (e.g. the memory not being enough to keep ronan from sticking with bryde) (also, fletcher tells the moderators that they're broken up, so does that mean adam told all his college friends he's single?) there are several moments in which ronan makes it very clear that he will (and does) prioritize what he's doing with bryde over his relationship with adam (hanging up on him at the end? what the fuck) and like, i'm definitely not saying his boyfriend should be the #1 most important thing in his life because that's not healthy, either, but the dude is clearly very unhappy & insecure in the relationship. i still think (hope?) that they'll get a happy ending because ronan definitely cares about adam deeply (not wanting bryde to say the word tamquam, keeping adam out of his dreamspace so he doesn't lose harvard, etc.) but things are looking pretty grim right now :/

adam loves ronan so much it makes me crazy. he could easily say "fuck this" after ronan doesn't speak to him for weeks, especially knowing that ronan's capable of reaching out because he still talks to declan and especially after being blocked from ronan's dreamspace, too. i would be pissed if i heard from my bf for the first time in weeks and found out he only called because he needed a place where he & the guy he ditched me for could crash. but adam still spends the free time i'm sure he doesn't actually have keeping tabs on ronan and reaching out to declan and pretty much doing everything in his power to help. and oh my god even after ronan hangs up on him we still see him scrying to try to get to him and i need to move on now before i scream (but first, declan lynch = #1 pynch stan??? the number of times he mentions adam when thinking about the things he wants ronan to keep safe, help me)

speaking of adam, i had to put the book down and take a lap after his first appearance. i cannot believe this boy is charging harvard kids for fake tarot readings and making hella cash off of it. KING. genuinely some fantastic adam content in this. i love that he talks to the gray man. i love that we are reminded that he's literally brilliant. but also, he makes me sad, too. when declan mentions how ronan is the ONE person who adam opens up to and how all of his harvard groupies are just "ducklings"........honey, i love you, please, please, please make some real friends

hennessy's pov also breaks my heart. it's maybe even worse to read than ronan's because she's fully aware of how unhappy she is and the bluntness of it slaps you across the face. the memory of her mom's painting was genuinely chilling (the lace pattern on the floor - was that how the Lace started? am i understanding that correctly?) and the fact that it was so dreadful she accidentally made a sweetmetal....poor hennessy :( also, the things she said to jordan, right after she made half a dozen real ass people crash their cars and didn't even bat an eye about it....yikes. i'm glad she teamed up with carmen and liliana, though. i love my team of wlw girlies (also really interesting that carmen/liliana believe the Lace is something out of hennessy's control while ronan/bryde believe it's something she can get rid of if she just tries hard enough. what the fuck is the Lace, it's driving me nuts)

CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS

jordan's pov!!!!!!! delicious, finally some good fucking food!!!!!!! i'm happy that she's starting to see herself as her own person, independent of hennessy, and the whole forgery/original work metaphor was really cool (her first original work being a portrait of declan 🥺🥺🥺) i loooooove her relationship with matthew and how she speaks to him and that they're able to connect with each other because they're both dreams. i love that she's able to make him feel more human

JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS (but i'm even more hung up on declan just casually talking about MARRIAGE, oh my GOD)

declan my beloved....my sweet......absolutely obsessed with him saying "screw politics, i'm leaning into my crime side" and OBSESSED with him being happy for once. i know the other shoe did drop and now things are all messed up again but it was so nice to see him so content, at least for a little while. he needed a break (also was laughing my ass off at all of ronan's dream creatures just climbing onto his bed in the morning and his screaming and how matthew was so used to it he BRUSHED HIS TEETH before going to help. iconic)

matthew's pov was also really upsetting but 🥺him deciding he's tired of just being treated like a pet and that he deserves to have a future so he goes to sign himself up to finish high school 🥺

quick note but the whole sweetmetal thing is really interesting as a concept. loooooved the way maggie incorporated the gardner museum heist into the story

THE ENDING???? WHY THE FUCK IS JORDAN AWAKE. WHY THE FUCK IS RONAN STILL ASLEEP. WAS ADAM STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF SCRYING WHEN THE LEY LINE DISAPPEARED, AND, IF SO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR HIM. WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL THE MODERATORS DREAMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING

[tendercoretroglodyke]

... I’m interested in legitimately gay Reese (I assume one piece of evidence is “look at what they’re doing and tell me you’re not gay”)

okay this is like 2 days late but this is why reese malcolminthemiddle is legitimately gay:

(side note: did anyone need a queer media thesis paper or something... I am willing to share lmao)

so none of this is like... rock solid evidence or anything but I need to believe at least one main character of a show is gay and/or trans to maintain interest and reese is the most plausible gay character. also it’s early 2000′s so he just gets a lot of vaguely homophobic jokes lmao

first of all, yes, the biggest piece of evidence he’s gay is those lines from that episode I quoted the other day--thinking malcolm is gay, he tries to show his support by giving him a gay porno: “’Naught Pool Boys 3!’ I watched 10 or 12 of these, and this one seems to have the most stuff you guys like.” and when malcolm says he isn’t gay, reese responds “Malcolm. Check out what those guys are doing in that movie, and THEN tell me you’re not gay.”-- so, 1) reese sat down and watched like a dozen gay porn movies to ““find a good one for his gay brother”” and 2) he thinks malcolm would reconsider his heterosexuality if he watched what was in that movie, implying that HE reconsidered his sexuality after watching that movie, or at the very least found it hot

in the same episode, the character tricking malcolm into thinking reese is gay lists the following as evidence: he obsesses over his hair and his looks, loves his gourmet cooking, has a bunch of magazines covered in comically muscular men, and that he’s angry and acts like a jerk because he’s “dealing with something weird and confusing.” now obviously, the obsession with hair/looks can be chalked up to the fact that he’s a teenage boy, and there’s nothing inherently gay about enjoying cooking. the dozen magazines of muscle-bound men could certainly be taken as gay evidence, though, and it IS established in the show that his entire bully persona is his way of masking his inner feelings and insecurities. there’s literally a whole episode where he & malcolm realize they have no friends because they act like little shits to push people away because they’re afraid of rejection and/or abandonment from their peers. they ostracize themselves before they can be ostracized by the other students at school. I could probably write a whole other essay on reese’s psyche tbqh lmao there’s a shocking amount there!!

of the brothers who are actually old enough to be attracted to girls (reese, malcolm, and francis), he shows the least interest. now bear with me here. you might be thinking, “well, yeah, it’s malcolm’s show, we’re not gonna see things from other people’s perspective!” but that is actually surprisingly untrue, the show is very much equally shown from each family members’ perspectives. starting about s2, when malcolm is in early middle school, he starts getting crushes on girls and pursuing them. francis goes after a few women in the first couple seasons and then marries a woman we see a lot throughout the show. 

in the roughly... 130?? episodes I have watched so far, nearly all of reese’s “interest” in girls involve either: competition with malcolm, genuinely just liking her as a friend, or some completely ulterior motive. the only exception to this I can think of is in the early seasons where he has a crush on a cheerleader and tries to get on her good side by joining the cheerleading squad, which the writers clearly set up as a way to make gay jokes about reese. let me give you a few examples of his relationships with girls

the first relationship we see him in is with a “stupid girl” that malcolm tried (and failed) to date, and the main reason they get together is that they think on the same wavelength and genuinely seem to enjoy hanging out. they take breaks from their bro chats to make out every once in a while. eventually he gets her to break up with him because he doesn’t want to go to the school dance with her (he doesn’t want to go at all). years later, he’s dating some girl we meet for like 5 minutes, before he goes to confess to her that she’s the first girl he’s ever loved. she then breaks up with him. he’s sad, but taking it fairly well. he’s about to leave when he sees malcolm hiding under the bed, and learns that he stole his girlfriend. he then runs away to join the army. he was clearly MUCH more upset that his brother stole his girlfriend than he was that his girlfriend broke up with him. there are many more instances of him and malcolm competing for a girl’s affections, and he seems mostly motivated by the competition itself.

in addition to “stupid girl,” he also manufactures an “attraction” to his female army buddy in the last season. the premise of this episode is that his old army buddy (a girl he play-wrestles with and insults like he would his own brothers) comes to visit him, and malcolm convinces reese that she’s attracted to him, and that reese’s nervousness at learning that fact is proof he’s in love with her. there’s a misunderstanding where reese asks her if she has certain “feelings” and she says she does, but what she ACTUALLY means is that she has a crush on reese’s MOM. she’s a lesbian. reese later propositions her (saying he’s saved his virginity for this--he’s probably about 18 here), and when she says omg no im gay, he is HUGELY relieved they can go back to being friends. CLASSIC mlm/wlw friendship moment. 

there’s an episode where these cute girls pick up reese (& nerds) to kiss in front of their boyfriends to make them jealous. reese is all for it, and when malcolm argues that it’s not worth his dignity and the beating he’ll get from the girl’s boyfriend, reese counters that that’s WHY he wants to do this--he’s completely invisible at school, and thinks getting beaten up for kissing some guy’s girlfriend will at least make him known around school. at no point does he indicate he’s actually attracted to this girl, and when it comes time to kiss her, he finds the weakest excuse to run away at the last minute. 

im not gonna list all of these but there’s more lmao

the following is a random assortment of one-off gay jokes and out-of-context lines with gay reese implications, often homophobically bc its early 2000′s writing:

says “I’m gay” to a girl to give malcolm a better shot at her

(again in competition with malcolm) tries to flirt with a girl by spraying milk in her face as the punchline to a joke, which is. well. hm. self-sabotaging, to say the least!!

Reese: “Do you think it’s right to totally change who you are and turn your back on EVERYTHING you believe in, just to impress a hot guy??” [his dad gives a long, blank stare, before asking:] “...Burt Reynolds hot, or Sting hot?”

“YEAH I like clouds! I call them sky kittens :)” (I just think that one’s sweet!)

“Look, Christie, here’s the thing. When I first met you, I was just messing around. But we’ve gotten so close that, now... I really like you! I can’t keep this up anymore. I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve been pretending since the day I met you. It’s so hard having to constantly cover my tracks to keep my story straight... and I don’t WANT to anymore! I’m tired of living this lie! I’m done with it. I’m sorry.”

he catfishes some guy to blackmail him, but is implied to continue the flirtation even after the catfishing/blackmail is revealed

reese is, technically, married to a man. this particular plot point is played as a joke and manages to be both racist and homophobic, so I won’t go into it. but I believe he is still married to that man. technically.

reese takes care of a huge box full of caterpillars until they pupate and become beautiful butterflies. I feel like there’s some kind of gay coming out metaphor here somewhere.

I think there are a couple other times where he comments on a guy’s attractiveness but I couldn’t find specific instances.

In conclusion: Reese is a deeply repressed gay kid who was socialized SO thoroughly as an early 2000′s straight boy that, despite his attraction for men and his obvious compulsory heterosexuality, he still cannot admit to himself that he is gay even as he enters adulthood. Furthermore, his subconscious frustration about this fact is turned outward to form the “schoolyard bully” costume he uses to mask his insecurities and keep others from getting too close to him. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I could be convinced to come back for another talk about how Dewey is trans or about how each and every member of that family is neurodivergent in entirely different ways. Assuming anyone has read this far in the first place!!