#hell both scenes even start with a heartfelt apology

[fanmoose12]

We know that Levi helps Hange’s squad to bath her when they are too focused on work. But, Who says that Hange didn’t do the same when Levi was injured? I mean, the ifkk scene pretty much confirms that Hange knows that little body. HC that Hange helped Levi to bath when he got his ankle injured.

The routine had been established a long time ago, back when they both were still in hospital, under the watchful eyes of doctors and surrounded by gentle care of their doting comrades, too injured and weak to stand upright without help, let alone properly take care of themself.

But when something so insignificant as physical disability has ever stopped Hange? If a lost eye did nothing to slow them down, burns that were adoring the better part of their body and made the weakest twitch of their muscles hurt like hell weren't enough to stop them as well.

They were up and about as soon as they could breathe by themself, and, naturally, as soon as Hange could walk again, they came to Levi.

They simply kept him company at first, filling the silence with endless ramblings, when he was still too weak to talk. Hange was too weak to talk properly too, their voice unusually quiet and hoarse, the shortness of breath forcing them to take lengthy pauses between words. But when Hange has ever cared for themself? They decided that Levi was bored all by himself, with only his thoughts as a company, and they were determined to cheer him up, no matter their own discomfort.

Every day, like clockwork, they came to his ward as soon as they were done with their daily checkup, and they stayed with him up to the nighttime, until nurse ushered them back to their own bed.

And then, only a day after Levi's bandages were taken off, they bothered their doctor for literal hours, not relenting until he caved in and let them borrow a wheelchair; they brought it to Levi then, helped him sit on it, and with a enigmatic smile promised to take him to a place where they'd scrub all of his brooding away.

That place turned out to be the hospital's bathroom, and thus the routine was started.

It was awkward at first - Hange was too eager, too clumsy, still in the process of getting used to their body's new shortcomings, and Levi was too bitter, too angry about his own injuries to be patient about their quirks. And every time that Hange did something wrong - splashed water on him, irritated some of his wounds or simply caught Levi in a foul mood, he lashed out and threw around words that he instantly regretted. But, luckily for him, Hange was patient, too kind and they knew him too well, so one stuttered apology or a small, but heartfelt gesture was enough for him to earn their forgiveness.

And with enough time, with the help of Hange's incredible stubborness and Levi's quiet patience, the routine was developed, completed to perfection and went on after Levi was discharged from the hospital, and even after he regained some of his strength and was able to move around the house with just a wooden cane as his support.

It starts each evening, as soon as they finish doing dishes after dinner and the clock strikes nine, and it is always the same.

Hange leaves him in the kitchen, to finish off his tea, while they go to the bathroom and filled the bathtub with hot water. Once that part is done, they come back to the kitchen, gather him in their arms and carry him to the bath. They sometimes joke, fake-huff from exhaustion and mutter that someone is enjoying their meals all too much, but they never complain, even when Levi can feel how their arms tremble under his weight.

In the bathroom, they sit him on a stool, help to shed all of his clothes, and on the evenings that they feel extra playful, or on the contrary - too melancholic, Hange starts peppering his skin with gentle, delicate kisses.

And always, no matter what mood they are in, just before helping him settle in the bathtub, Hange grins and murmurs, "Well, well, look how the tables have turned."

Even on the first time they've said it, the joke didn't seem all that funny to Levi, and on the five hundredth time, it didn't become any better. But Hange cares not for his displeasure, and insists on repeating it every evening. And since Levi is stuck with the goof until death does them apart, he learnt long ago how to tolerate, and then even grew to anticipate the awful joke.

After that, Hange eases him into the water. Most of the days, they get inside along with him, but on the days when their injuries ache too much, they simply stay beside him, and keep him company while he cleans himself thoroughly.

On their good days, Hange rubs his injured feet and massages his back. A couple times a week, they help him to wash his hair too. They're meticulous about it, run their fingers through each lock, squealing excitedly every time they find another silver one and cutting his hair whenever it gets long enough to reach past his shoulders.

After everything they've lost, despite countless tragedies and heartbreaks, Hange remains his ridiculous four-eyes, and so they tease him relentlessly, even when both of them are wrinkled and grey. They draw him a mustache out of foam, they create absurd coiffures out of his wet hair, and all too frequently they abandon their task of washing him to run their fingers along every sensitive inch of his skin until they get a laugh out of him. More often than not, those games of theirs end up with them pressed to the bottom of the bathtub and with Levi on top of them. The caresses lose their innocence then, become more insistent, filled with need and passion.

And after those games, both of them are breathless and in a need of another bath.

When the water gets too cold, Hange helps him get out, dries him off with a towel, while Levi returns the favor, and gathers him back in their arms, carrying him to the bedroom.

They put him down on a bed, then quickly join him, getting under the covers. Sometimes, both of them stay up to read, sometimes Hange scribbles notes from their last experiment, while Levi listens to music, sometimes Hange brings the knitting kit and forces Levi to teach them, and sometimes they spend hours into the night, gossiping about their neighbors, but each night, no matter what they were doing before, what mood they are in or what kind of small disagreements sparkle between from time to time, after Hange turns off the light, they always snuggle up to Levi, leave a kiss on his cheek, and whisper, "Goodnight, I love you."

And Levi always kisses their hand, presses his lips to the finger where he has put a ring many, many years ago, and repeats the same words back to them.

[maxortecho]

Based on the first two echo scenes of episode 3, I think we are in for quite a journey for Max & Liz this season. They are both hurting without each other and also have a lot going on outside of their relationship to figure out. Mr. Jones is no doubt about to cause additional problems but I am here for the angst. I liked that Liz finally understood how badly she messed up resulting in a genuine heartfelt apology as well as an acknowledgment that she still wants to be with Max. I think he needed to hear that even if he decided to push her away afterwards. Their relationship was on a downward spiral all last season so while the apology was a promising start it was clearly just the beginning of the work that needs to happen. Makes me both nervous & excited thinking about all the future conversations & steps back towards each other that will happen throughout the rest of the season.

Absolutely, I think we're in for a long arc with them too.

Yeah it was interesting and even unexpected that Liz was the first one to pour her heart out. She's been hoping Max would take the first step this entire time and fight for their relationship, and she's been really disappointed that he hasn't.

It's only when she's back that she realises he's avoiding and running away because there's something deeply wrong. So like the moment she figures that out she's like, to hell with it, let me put all my cards on the table lol.

Max's reaction to Liz's confession was sooo good too.

The way he can't help but start to smile when he realises she still loves him? How the smile then cracks because he remembers he can't pursue this and he can't be with her and he needs to break both their hearts by telling her no?? DELICIOUS ECHO IS BACK.

[harley-sunday]

Hello?

Summary: You walk in on your boyfriend who’s doing, well, you’re not sure exactly what.

Pairing: Sebatian Stan x reader [F]

Warnings: Language. Smut. Blowjob. 

Word count: 1.6k

AN: I’m sure by now you’ve seen Sebastian’s video on IGTV, I know I did. Multiple times *insert heart-eyes emoji*.  Anyway, my mind wandered and then this happened and yeah, enjoy :) ♥

You overestimated yourself, you know you did, but you’re too stubborn to admit defeat and so here you are, schlepping three grocery bags, two pizza boxes, and a Christmas tree up the six flights of stairs needed to get to your apartment. The bottle of wine on the bottom of one of the bags keeps hitting your thigh at regular intervals and does nothing to help your balance. One more, you think to yourself when you round the landing in between the second and third floor, all while quietly cursing yourself for forgetting about the scheduled elevator maintenance today. 

The plastic of the grocery bags has started to dig into your skin and you’re sure it’s going to leave a mark, but then you finally make it to your floor, a little out of breath and a lot frustrated. You set the Christmas tree down, letting it lean against the doorframe for support, and use your free hand to fish around your pocket for your keys. It’s then you hear the faint sound of music drifting out of your apartment, a song you don’t think you recognize, although that could be because there’s no music, just singing.

You wedge the pizza boxes between yourself and the wall while you try to get the key into the lock without being able to see what you’re doing, using your finger for guidance instead. When you finally get it in and unlock the door, you use your foot to push it open so you can pick up the Christmas tree again and make your way inside, still refusing to make two trips. You’re about to call out for some help but the scene in front of you makes you stop dead in your tracks, a quiet, “Jesus Christ,” escaping you. 

He turns around at the sound of your voice, looking rather bewildered and a little ashamed. Scrambling to get up he clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair before he says, “Hey, babe,” as if nothing happened.

You’re at a momentary loss for words and so you just stare at him, the grocery bags, pizzas, and Christmas tree still in your hands temporarily forgotten. It’s then you spot his phone, propped up against the garbage can, his camera app now only recording his feet. You look back at him then, “I- What?”  Shaking your head you let your eyes travel around the kitchen the half empty bottle of wine on the counter sort of helping to explain what is going on, but also not really. You can feel your hand start to tremble from the weight of everthing you’re still holding and so you turn around and gently slide the pizza boxes onto  the counter before you set the grocery bags down on the floor. The Christmas tree gets to lean against the fridge while you unzip your jacket and shrug it off, hanging it on the coat rack in the hall. 

“I can explain,” he tries, hands now resting on his hips after he’s tugged his sweater down. He reaches down then and grabs his phone off the floor, tapping the screen to end the recording.

“Uhu,” you draw out. “To me though,” you say with a nod to his phone, “it looks like you were lying on the floor, giving a very heartfelt rendition of Lionel Richie’s ‘Hello’.” There’s a hint of colour showing up on his cheeks and it’s so endearing you struggle to keep a straight face, “Bit pitchy though, babe, have to admit.”

“That’s a little harsh,” he says, doing his best to look offended but failing because you both know it’s the truth. 

“Is it, though?” You tease with a tilt of your head while making a face.

“Yeah,” he nods, holding his hand up to you, thumb and index finger only slightly apart, “little bit.” 

“Aw,” you pout for extra effect, “want me to make it up to you?”

“I feel like you should, yeah,” he says, dropping his hand and beckoning you over with a nod.

You walk towards him, a teasing smile on your lips as your fingers find the fabric of his sweater and tug at it, pulling him closer. Standing up on your toes, you let your eyes fall to his mouth but you decide to tease him a little more and so you move your lips to his jawline, pressing soft kisses to his skin wherever you go. One hand slides under his sweater then, fingers splayed out against his abs as your mouth finds his again and you kiss him for real.

He opens his mouth almost instantly and sucks on your bottom lip, his hands in your hair to keep you where he wants you. He’s kissing you hard and when he runs his tongue between your lips you part them eagerly, your teeth clicking against his when he pulls you closer, and you can feel yourself getting wet. 

Your tongue finds his then and you swirl yours around it, tasting a hint of red wine that’s not entirely unpleasant. Your hands, meanwhile, have other plans and are tugging at the hem of his jeans. It doesn’t take long before you’ve unbuttoned them and when you do, you pull back a little, your lips barely touching his, just as you slide one of your hands down his jeans and cup him over his boxers.

“Fuck,” he pants, gently dragging his teeth over your lower lip before he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth. His tongue runs along your jawline before he nips at the pulse points just below your ear, licking and biting and sucking and God, does it feel good. His hands have left your hair, one cupping your breast instead, the other on your hip to keep you both steady. 

You tilt your head to the side to give him better access while you gently squeeze his balls, relishing the way a shiver runs through him in response. 

The hand that was on your hip disappears and you moan at the loss of contact, but you feel it slide into his jeans not much later, cupping your hand with his so that when he curls his fingers yours do too and it might be the hottest thing he’s ever done. He rolls his hips then and you feel him grow even harder in your hand, a quiet groan escaping him when you push your hand against him even more. 

Taking advantage of the moment you pull back your hand and gently push him against the wall before you drop to your knees. When you’ve unzipped his jeans you push them down, involuntarily licking your lips when you see the outline of his cock straining against the fabric of his boxers, a bit of precum staining the material. Looking up at him you find him staring back at you through hooded eyes and it makes you even wetter. You ghost your fingers over his cock, teasing him then by gently blowing against the fabric.

“You tryin’ to kill me?” he says through gritted teeth before he takes matters into his own hands and pushes his boxers down.

“Trying to apologize,” you purr, wrapping your hand around his cock. You run your tongue across the tip, while your hand twists up and down his shaft and it isn’t long before he’s completely hard.

His hands are in your hair then, letting you know that he needs you to take him even though he doesn’t push you onto him.

Opening your mouth a little further you let your jaw muscles relax while you flatten your tongue and lean forward, sliding down on him. One hand moves to his hip, the other cupping his balls as you suck him, taking him deep into your mouth. You let your tongue do the work and so it’s a little sloppy but you know that’s how he likes it. 

It doesn’t take long for him to curl his fingers into your hair even more, his ragged breaths telling you he’s close. 

You hold still against his hands, only the tip of him in your mouth now, and look up at him, the hand that’s on his hip giving it a little squeeze to let him know he’s in control now. 

His eyes fly open and he looks down at you, his pupils blown wide with lust, a question in them that you answer with a slight nod. “I love you,” he breathes, before he starts thrusting his hips, slow at first, gentle almost, until he’s sure you can take him and then he starts fucking your mouth in earnest. 

He deep throats you a few times, your gag reflex making your throat clench around him, but then suddenly he stills in your mouth and so you hollow your cheeks, creating more friction for him. His movements become more erratic and he lets out a loud groan then, shooting his cum down your throat on his final thrust.

You swallow most of it, the excess dripping down your chin until he pulls back and you wipe it away with the sleeve of your sweater. You feel his fingers under your chin and when he tilts your head upwards you look at him with a sly smile, “Still think you were a bit pitchy, babe.” 

He shakes his head but grins, “I was going to return the favour,” he tucks his now soft cock back into his boxers and pulls up his jeans, “but I think you have some more apologizing to do.” 

“Yeah,” you reply, cupping him over his jeans again, “that’s going to have to wait until after I put away the groceries and you finish whatever the hell it was you were doing earlier, though.” 

Leaning in he gives you a kiss, letting his lips rest against yours when he says, “You’re a tease, you know that?”

“You love me,” you tease and give him a kiss.

He sighs, “I really, really do.” 

[meg-noel-art]

Why do you believe that Catra never got over her what you called "obsessive and selfish love" for Adora? Because I didn't see that.

-gestures vaguely to all of the show-

Okay, you know what, let’s get into this. Because I’m honestly tired of it all. First let’s start with this: In popular media, is there a common theme of erotic subtext between rivals? Uh, yeah. Hell yeah. Tension between two people looking to one up each other that can be read as romantic or sexual? Oh absolutely. So, let’s, for the sake of argument assume that was the type of dynamic that Noelle and Co. were going for all along, as they’ve stated. Because they weren’t the first to play with this dynamic and they won’t the last.

So again, tension and subtext between rivals that escalates into passion or eventually real love? Yes.

On the other hand: betrayal, emotional manipulation, physical maiming and injury and outright seeking the utter demise and failure of you ‘rival’ because they made you sad by making a better choice than you did? That doesn’t equate to love.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s approach Catra’s motivations as all based around this deep love she has for Adora, which I will argue through this post is more of as passionate and selfish obsession than actual love. (And honestly, that’s a super cool character motivation, but pretending that it’s an epic love story is gross and I hate it.)

So, let’s return to Season 1

One of the first real battles we see Catra and Adora in takes place at the end of the season. This comes after ‘The Promise’ wherein Adora tries again to get Catra to come with her, but Catra doubles down on her desire to spite Adora for hurting her and leaving her, by being as nasty as she possibly can and putting Adora in just as much emotional pain. Here, she not only fights Adora, but cuts her down to her deepest insecurities. Catra knows Adora and she knows how desperately she wants to be a hero. It’s an aspect of Adora that Catra has always disliked because it made her feel lesser. In order to fully cripple her rival here, Catra tugs at the strings she knows will hurt the most.

“You will fail them (you failed me)”, “You’re friends will hate you (Just like I do)” “You will never be the hero you want to be (I will be the reason you can’t)”. If you want to talk about subtext in this scene, Catra’s unhealthy and obsessive desire to be the only thing Adora needs/wants/thinks about is literally all over the place. If you want to argue that she’s saying all of this because she’s hurting, then it’s literally the cruelest possible way she could say it. And the show doesn’t bother selling us on the fact that Catra is in pain here, it just hammers home the idea of how badly she wants Adora to fail so she can feel that pain too.

In no universe, would I call that treatment of someone love.

Next up, this moment in Season 2:

I remember everyone losing their minds over this scene, and again, arguing a sexual tension between rivals, then yes, that makes sense. But in the context of this entire episode and the ones leading up to this point? This statement from Catra is disgusting. And it gets worse.

In the next scene, we see Catra literally planning to use Adora as her own personal weapon (an aspect I find personally icky when considering the struggle Adora has with destiny/her own autonomy at the end of Season 4 being use by Light Hope as a weapon. Catra literally has the same idea.)

And moreso than that, Catra won’t just use her as a weapon. She will use Adora to cut down anyone else who has ever cared about her or shown her affection. It’s a new level of jealousy/possession that is touched on even moreso as the series goes on. But what’s crazy to me is that it seems to have developed from Season 1. In the Battle of Bright Moon, Adora could only fail them. Now, however much later this is, Catra wants her to hurt them too. Adora will hurt, her friends will hurt. Everyone will hurt like Catra does. Because she’s possessive of Adora’s affection. It makes her feel like she has meaning. Which is an entire other can of worms about Catra’s motivations and character, but we’re gonna move ahead to season 3.

This is a fascinating moment to me. At this point, Catra has essentially flunked out of the Horde, but she’s NEVER been more determined to prove herself to Hordak, to SW, to Adora, to everyone. But here, Scorpia points out how truly happy she is when Adora isn’t even in the damn picture anymore. The poisonous environment of the Horde is gone, Catra is claiming respect for her abilities and personality. Adora has nothing to do with it and she’s happy.

And then:

Look, I am remise to sound like a total asshole, but the entire show is pointing this out for me through even it’s dialogue. Catra’s pain and hate and obsession returns when Adora mentions that their shared abuser Shadow Weaver has chosen her yet again. Suddenly, nothing matters. None of Scorpia’s kind words, or the achievments she made in the Waste. All that matters, is beating Adora. Hurting her. Being better and more loved than her.

Honesty, at this point I’m losing the thread of ‘love’ entirely. Now it just feels like a total mission for vengeance.  But, once again, okay, let’s argue she’s really just angry and wants Adora’s love back. So what does she do to get it?

She opens the Portal to hurt Adora. As Adora screams don’t, begs her not to, tells her what it will do to their world, Catra does it anyway. Because Adora must hurt. She broke Catra’s heart and Catra must break it back. That’s how love works, I guess.

Once again, if the show was working on selling me on Catra’s motivations being sympathetic and fueled by love all along. It is failing.

Now, let’s talk about the Portal world that it takes them into. What everyone called their “perfect universe”.

So we have this moment, where Adora gets to the heart of the issue and asks Catra about her real pain. Catra avoids it, once again. Yes, of course she’s wanted this, they both always have. I suppose at this moment you could argue her true motivations come through, but it also just emboldens my point that Catra is not growing. She’s not gaining any character development. If she did just always want Adora by her side, this scene shows us that Adora has moved past these Horde induced childhood dreams they have. She has seen a bigger world and a bigger issue and Catra is still holding onto the hope that they will keep this promise to always have each others backs.

Which, is an ironic thing to hold onto considering Catra was the first to break this promise, by not going with Adora when the time was right. And yet she believes Adora is the one who owes her the apology. Now, this would be great set up for an arc about Catra coming to terms with the fact that she is the problem and Season 4 seemed ready to set that up but then... didn’t.

This line in particular has always stuck with me because it broke their relationship entirely for me. At this point, Catra could apologize all she wanted in a possible redemption arc, but the damage was done. She admitted a pain so deep that it would change her and Adora’s relationship forever. Her hurt ran so deep that she would rather die, see everything end, than see Adora find happiness outside of her.

I could stop this post here and honestly, my point would have been made. But we’ve got more to go.

I was so excited after the moment. After an entire season of snapping under the weight of her own choices. It is the image of Scorpia, who loved her unconditionally, who tells Catra that she is the problem and she always has been.

At this point, I was ready. Catra had hit rock bottom, there was nowhere to go but up. She would approach her pain and figure out who she wanted to be as a person. She would team up with the Rebellion because she knew it was the right thing to do, she would atone for her mistakes. By the end maybe she would go on her own adventure to find herself?

And.... No?

She doesn’t.

Season 5 rolls around and suddenly she is right back where she started, scrambling up the ladder for power and respect. It sure doesn’t work for Horde Prime, putting her in real danger. She even gets a few moments to connect with Glimmer (maybe apologize for the Portal...no... oh okay.) 

In fact, she saves Glimmer! But.... why does she do it? Certainly not for Glimmer’s sake, a character who has been stated by the crew to be literally her narrative foil, her other half. But...

Like...? At this point I don’t even know what the show is going for anymore, it’s a fucking mess. You could even argue that up to this point, Catra HAS been manipulating Glimmer to trust her so that she could in turn save Adora. Which is all kinds of fucked up, as we see in the conversation with the BFS squad that Glimmer WANTS to save Catra, and trusts her.

And then this memory that incited Catra’s desire to save Adora was:

I could have just answered with this screenshot and saved myself an hour. You wanna argue love? Fine. 

Then Catra has NEVER let go of her frankly concerning obsession with Adora’s attention and affection and that is no more clear that this memory where she also physically assaults her and steps on her, and Adora goes crawling after her trying to comfort her.

Oh? Are you, Catra? Well that’s cool. You are allowed to be sorry. But that doesn’t mean Adora owes you literally anything at this point. No one is ever obligated to accept any apology no matter how heartfelt it might be.

At the end of the day, this love story their trying to sell me on is so twisted I can hardly stand to watch the final season. Because it’s never worked out!! Adora immediatedly forgives every moment I’ve listed in this post and more. Catra never apologizes to someone who deserved it most, Scorpia. 

And more than that, Catra never grows into who she should have become as a character. She is stuffed into an OTP the show wanted from the beginning but failed for 5 seasons to make convincing or compelling.

Also Adora has such a huge heart she deserves someone who would treat her better than Catra could. Catra can’t. Catra can’t even treat herself right.

Like... Yeah. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Hope this answered your question. 

Obsessive, possessive....Gross. I’m tired. C/A won at the end of the day I guess, but at what cost?

[deluweil]

4x14 review - don’t read if you haven’t watched

I’ve been trying to write the review on and off the entire day, but the truth is that there are too many details and I sure as hell can’t go over all of it in one post so here’s my initial one and the rest will come in bursts later.

First off I want to start by saying that I’m glad that Maddie told Chimney, she looked so miserable, and she loves Jee-Yun so  much, she was so happy to have her and the fact that PPD can creep up on a new mother and mess with her head like this is so horrible. 😭😭

I truly hope that she and Chimney will be able to overcome it and enjoy (read exhaustingly but happily) raising Jee-Yun. I have to complement both JLH and Kenneth both did their parts so well. I absolutely love them together! ❤❤

Second (and I know it’s at the end but I’m too excited) I was so happy to see Nia!! 😍😍😍 I had the stupidest smile on face that wouldn’t go away, and now that they met by chance Hen and Karen can be part of Nia’s life too, make a new friend and Nia will be able to see her Denny regularly. It was a perfect scene! 👏💕

Third, I’m glad Athena and Bobby managed to finally sit down and talk about the attack from 3x17. It starts with both apologizing which is good, I’m curious to see how it would have played out if Eddie hadn’t been shot. 🤔

But that was such a sweet and heartfelt long overdue conversation, I absolutely adore bathena and I would have been a wreck if they broke them up! 

Bobby telling Athena: ”There’s this thing people say, ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ Because losing someone you love is such an alien concept you don’t want to imagine what it’s like. I was sitting in that engine thinking I was listening to you dying and I didn’t need to imagine anything, I knew what my life feel like without you in it, and it scared me.” - It was something that held true in this episode for both bathena and buddie, and it was completely heartbreaking. 🥺🥺

Bobby finally coming to terms with what happened and Athena going back to work, once she explained why she kept it from him. And both say the name of the episode as is apparently now tradition lol “Survivors” - and they really are.

I love how Athena talks Buck into helping her get into the building, even though it was a ‘help me save your dad’ moment for a lot of people, in my eyes she is appealing to the Buck who just nearly lost Eddie, begging him to help her not to lose her husband. 

Buck is reluctant at first because he knows how much Bobby loves Athena and wouldn’t want her to risk her life like this, but Buck has been on Athena’s side very recently and understands Athena’s pressing urge to go in for her husband.

Buck wanting to go in with her was expected, Athena’s insistence that she will not be able to protect him in there was expected too, she is going to save her husband but she wants her chaos child to be safe outside. I loved the Buck and Athena’s interaction here. 🤗🤗

“I got you.” Was said by two people in this episode, and in both cases it was to the most important person in their lives. 😭❤ (I meant adult partners, don’t give me the ‘but they have kids’ - kids always come first, it’s different.)

“I didn’t imagine that part right? you actually walked through fire.” Bobby was so cute asking that, it sounded half teasing - something similar to “You like me”. 😉

But Athena’s answer was serious, “Well, you were inside, I wasn’t going a little fire to stop me, I needed my partner back.” 🥺❤

We got a call back to 4x02 - only the roles were reversed now:

Bobby telling Athena, “Thank you for coming to get me.”

And she promises, “Always.” It was sweet, and moving. 

Have I mentioned how much I love them???

A little side-note - Athena telling Bobby that she wasn’t going to let a fire stop her from getting her partner back - is paralleled here, in my opinion to Buck actually going through gunfire to get to Eddie - to get his partner back.

Athena never walked through actual fire, the firefighters deal with, before.

This was Buck’s first time operating under sniper’s fire - something Eddie has experience with. (”At least no one is shooting at us.”)

They both committed this extraordinary acts to get their PARTNERS back!! 

Fourth and last for this post, Congratulations firefighter Albert Han - tell the truth, we all saw this coming from day one, when Albert was fangirling over his brother the life-saver and Chimney was trying to be rid of him lol.

I’m happy for him - I really like John too, I’m happy he’s sticking around.

Now, I know you’re missing my buddie part of the review - but it is so long - it’s getting it’s own post this time. 🙃

Overall it was a good episode, we got a mostly good story told here, I do however take issue with the time-jump. 🤦‍♀️

I mean what is that? Sorry too much actual, emotional, vital stories can be written here, but you know us male writers, we’re not good at this so we’ll just time-jump to where we can screw with you in other ways and leave you wondering about what actually went down in the time elapsed.

I will say this, however, this isn’t a monster of the week kind of show, emotional baggage and trauma doesn’t just disappear. And though I am concerned that we will not see the emotional fallout of Buck and Eddie’s shared trauma and the fact that they heal together this time, I’m talking about Maddie - showing her like this and then just give us an ‘oh, it was fixed when you looked away and she’s good now’ excuse, that will not be tolerated! - this storyline deserve a proper process and resolution.

Hope you enjoyed this post, buddie post will come up soon. 👀💜

[365days365movies]

April 12, 2021: Mrs. Doubtfire (1992) (Recap)

Hey, Robin Williams. Been a while.

I’m sorry that I haven’t watched your movies for a while, and that I always skip your comedy stand-up when my phone’s on shuffle. I just...let me explain. Since I was a kid, you were one of my favorite entertainers. That might as well have started the day I was born, because...well, we share a birthday, fun fact. But it definitely continued with the first movie I ever saw in theatres.

While I don’t quite remember the first time I saw it, Aladdin was one of my favorite childhood movies, and I knew that you were the voice of the Genie from an early age. You might have actually been the first actor I ever knew by name. Which makes sense, because your stardom during the ‘90s was nearly unparalleled.

The next film I remember seeing (and hearing) you in was Ferngully: The Last Rainforest. That also starred Tim Curry, who would also be a major figure of my childhood. It also wasn’t the best movie, in hindsight, but it is the only time I’ve heard you rap since.

But eventually, I watched your forays into live-action, too. Jumanji, Hook, even the objectively bad Flubber, are all movies that I vividly remember watching during childhood. I was really excited for Flubber, even, and I LOVED Jumanji growing up. I liked Hook, too, but I appreciated that more as I got older.

Of course, during this time period, you also made less family-friendly films. The Fisher King, Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam, and What Dreams May Come were all very successful, and cemented your reputation as an actor. I also haven’t seen any of them. In fact...I don’t think I’ve seen any of your dramatic roles, and that’s something that I’ll fix this year. Hell, in a few days, I’ll watch The Birdcage, another of your big hits of the ‘90s.

But why haven’t I seen them up to now? Well...I was going to watch these films, about seven years ago. But...I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Because it hurts. A lot.

I know that this is a downer, but my relationship with Robin Williams today is tainted by his tragic death. I was fucking BROKEN when his death was announced, and I really haven’t been able to watch him since. I’ve seen Aladdin recently, but that’s about all I could stand to watch. I mean, the guy shares a birthday with me! I’ve always loved his comedy stylings, and his improvisational skills are something I’ve internalized to a certain degree.

So, yeah. This one’s tough. But, it’s about time I moved on, and celebrated the man’s career for what it was: stellar. And that also brings up an important question, that some of you have probably asked by now:

HOW HAVE I MISSED MRS. DOUBTFIRE, WHAT THE FUCK

I KNOW I KNOW OK?

Look, I’m not entirely sure how I haven’t seen this movie, because I’m MORE than aware of it! I remember it airing during the ‘90s, my Dad AND girlfriend love this movie, and I know FOR A FACT that my family owned both the DVD AND THE VHS of this movie! So, how? HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN IT BY NOW?

I honestly have no idea, but let’s fix it now, huh? Yet one more man-dresses-as-woman movie this month! And no, I am not watching White Chicks...because I’ve already seen White Chicks. Also, it’s...problematic.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

 Recap

Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) is a voice-actor, and a good one. Which, given that it’s Robin Williams, isn’t entirely inaccurate. He’s also a voice actor with a spine, as he morally objects to a scene in the cartoon that he’s performing for, in which the main character smokes. By the way, I’m 99% sure that this cartoon is animated by Chuck Jones, and it looks well-made.

Anyway, this leads to him quitting the cartoon altogether, and allows him to pick up his kids early from school. These kids are Lydia (Lisa Hykub), Chris (Matthew Lawrence), and Natalie (Mara Wilson), and it’s Chris’ 12th birthday. Daniel arranges a...surprisingly large party, given that it’s completely impromptu, and it comes with a petting zoo and complete trappings. However, it’s not a party of which his wife will approve.

This wife is Miranda (Sally Field), a successful architect and the breadwinner of the family. After getting a call from the neighbor about the party, she comes home and busts the outrageous party. And for the record, I’m entirely on Miranda’s side here. This party is INSANE, and very irresponsible, given the fact that Daniel currently has no job. And yeah, he’s a very loving father, and a good person, but...it’s too much.

Miranda feels the same, and after 14 years of frustration, she realizes that she no longer loves Daniel. In a genuinely sad scene, she tells him that she wants a divorce. And she goes through with it MUCH to Daniel’s detriment. He has no home, as he’s staying with his brother, Frank (Harvey Fierstein) and his partner Jack (Scott Capurro). He also still has no job, meaning that he has no way to provide for his children. This means that he has no ability to provide, and the judge awards Miranda full custody. Oof.

However, this is a conditional arrangement, as another hearing for joint custody will be held in 3 months, and if Daniel can get a home and job in that time, he has a chance. He performs a litany of voices and impressions with his court liason, Mrs. Sellner (Anne Haney), which amuses me, but not her, and he gets a job in order to be with his kids for more than one day a week.

Meanwhile, Miranda IMMEDIATELY starts dating fellow designer and old flame Stuart Dunmeyer (Pierce Brosnan), like, almost before Daniel leaves the house. He bids a heartfelt goodbye to his kids, with the promise that he’ll see them on Saturdays. And now begins the absolute hatred and petty bitchiness of Daniel and Miranda! Seriously, it’s...it’s fucking terrible, and it takes away from my sympathy from either side. I get that divorce is rough and ugly, but GODDAMN, neither of them perform the act with any form of tact or grace.

This is put on display during the kids’ visitation to Daniel’s semi-crappy new apartment, which doesn’t even seem that bad, to be honest. Miranda dropped them off late and picked them up early, as if to slowly starve Daniel of time with his kids, which is extraordinarily shitty of her, fuck me. Daniel’s not taking it well, understandably, but then does something...really dumb, when you think about it.

See, Miranda’s looking for a nanny, to help watch the kids and clean the house during the week. Daniel volunteers his services, which is actually a good idea, but Miranda says she’ll think about it, which we ALL know means no. I DO NOT like Miranda, even if I understand the initial reasons for the divorce. She’s being especially spiteful, and it’s not a good look.

Daniel’s stupid idea, though, is to change the phone number on the ad for the nanny, which Miranda shows him before she takes the kids. Instead, he calls her number, and pretends to be various terrible applicants, until finally supplying his own applicant: the completely fictional Euphegenia Doubtfire (Daniel Hillard).

Daniel plays Mrs. Doubtfire as an elderly British woman, and a seasoned nanny in her day. Which is why it’s weird to me that, when he does to Frank and Jack to help him make an elaborate disguise as Mrs. Doubtfire, that they go through various other impressions and get-ups. Which, yes, is goddamn hilarious, but also makes NO SENSE, given that they’ve already established her character to Miranda. Funny, but nonsensical.

But, regardless, Euphegenis Doubtfire comes into being, and introduces herself to Miranda and the kids. Mrs. Doubtfire is exactly what Miranda’s looking for, although the kids aren’t exactly overjoyed, ESPECIALLY the oldest, Lydia. Also, during this first meeting, Miranda openly bad-mouths Daniel in front of the kids, in just the WORST fuckin’ way. I genuinely dislike Miranda A LOT. Again, the divorce was certainly justified, but I REALLY don’t like her. Daniel loves his kids, and they’re HIS kids, TOO. Stop using them as weapons against him, OOOOOOOOOOOH I DON’T LIKE MIRANDA

Anyway, that evening, after she’s officially been hired by Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire heads home, only to find court liason Mrs. Sellner waiting to speak with Daniel. After a litany of puns, and a humorous changing scene, Daniel accidentally throws the Mrs. Doubtfire mask out of the window, and is forced to improvise through equally humorous circumstances. Hence, the above meringue mask scene. Has anybody tried that, by the way? Could that work as a groundbreaking beauty technique? Or would the sugar just feed the skin bacteria and give you acne? Genuinely curious.

Now going between his job as Daniel and the nanny job as Doubtfire, Daniel’s not doing too badly for himself. The nanny job begins, and Mrs. Doubtfire IMMEDIATELY contrasts with Daniel, creating a disciplinarian atmosphere in place of Daniel’s formerly loosey-goosey attitude. Which is interesting, and it works! I mean, it’s not how I would parent, but it does work. Doubtfire makes the kids to their homework, rather than watch TV, and then attempts to make dinner. Instead, though, the dinner’s ruined, and Daniel orders takeout and makes it LOOK like homemade food. And it looks good, too! Daniel’s full of hidden talents.

After dinner, as Mrs. Doubtfire’s leaving, Lydia apologizes for backtalking her earlier, and thanks her for making her mom happy with everything she did that evening. he also says that she’s still a bit messed up about her dad being gone. And yeah, it’s sweet-but-sad. 

Going forward (and in a montage set to Aerosmith’s Dude Looks Like a Lady), Mrs. Doubtfire takes care of the family, and Daniel even betters himself to become a better Mrs. Doubtfire. Which...to be honest, Daniel REALLY should’ve done this before. I get that he needed the pressure of losing the kids to do this, but...look, Daniel really wasn’t that responsible of a parent, and the fact that THIS is how he learns to be so is...not great. Like, here’s an example, OK: take Donald Trump.

Yeah, I know, what’s this politics doing in my peanut butter? And WOW, that reference is older than me, but anyway. Let’s say that, in two years, a new politician comes on the scene, and her name is Karyn Walldottir. She has somewhat centrist views, and behaves in a way that’s inclusive to the majority, and backs up her claims and promises with evidence (at least true enough for us to suspend our disbelief). This is, of course, Donald Trump disguised as a woman in order to gain custody of the United States of America again. Naturally.

Karyn Walldottir gets elected in 2024, and all of her policies are markedly different from Trump’s and Biden’s, but leaning closer to Biden in progressive standpoints (assuming that that worked for him come 2024). While Trump is doing this specifically to be president again, he ends up revising his personal policies, and being a better person and president for the country. A literal impossibility, I know. But suspend your disbelief to ask this question:

WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T HE DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

OK, now that that dumbass (and mildly horrifying) thought process is concluded, let’s get back to Mrs. Doubtfire. In the process of Mrs. Doubtfire’s ingratiation with the family, Miranda’s been dating Stu, whom Mrs. Doubtfire subtly insults when they meet. And yeah, Daniel’s being a little petty here, but it makes a bit of sense at least.

That night, after an accidental intrusion by Chris when Mrs. Doubtfire is going to the bathroom, Daniel’s basically forced to tell Chris and Lydia his little secret, which Lydia’s happy about, but Chris is understandably weirded out about. But, they agree to keep the secret from their mom and younger sister.

At his OTHER job, delivering film reels from a TV station, he witnesses the filming of an extremely boring kids educational TV show, and comments as such to another man watching. As he quickly learns, this is the owner of the station, Jonathan Lundy (Robert Prosky), on whom Daniel makes a good impression.

In the meantime, Mrs. Doubtfire has a talk with Miranda about their love lives, real and fictional. Daniel realizes how badly Miranda had been suffering in their marriage, which she never told him because...well, he never seemed to take anything seriously. Which is entirely fair...but this is why Miranda’s a tricky-ass character. She’s got two sides: there’s the justified caring mother and strong woman, and there’s the PETTY ASSHOLE who genuinely doesn’t care about Daniel or his feelings AT ALL. Jesus.

And Stu...look, Stu is LITERALLY a Gary Stu, who’s mostly perfect. Sure, he’s not always been that way, but he definitely is now! He’s responsible, wealthy, in love with Miranda AND her kids. And yeah, at a country club that he’s a member of (OF COURSE he is), he privately badmouth Daniel in front of Mrs. Doubtfire, calling him a loser, and...yeah, he’s not really unjustified in that statement. Fact of the matter is, Stu is barely even a plot device.

Meanwhile, in Daniel’s day job, he finds himself alone in the studio, where the toy dinosaurs from the TV show are still sitting on the table. He plays with them, gives them voices, sings some songs, and impresses Mr. Lundy, who’s there in the shadows after all that. He’s impressed, and invites Daniel to dinner to talk about a potential future show at the network.

But then, it’s also Miranda’s birthday coming up, and Stu’s holding a dinner for her, to which Mrs. Doubtfire is invited. Trouble is, it’s at the OH FUCK IT. YOU know what this is. It’s at the same time and place as the Mr. Lund meeting yaddayaddayadda LOOK. We ALL know how this is going to end. It’s the GODDAMN LIAR REVEALED TROPE AGAIN. And here’s the thing:

I FUGGIN’ HAAAAAATE THE LIAR REVEALED TROPE

You know, that thing in movies (especially family movies of the ‘90s) where somebody starts off a situation with a lie, they get deeper and deeper into that lie, grow close to people under false pretenses, and then OH NO! THE LIAR IS REVEALED! And everybody’s angry and/or sad, the liar slumps off, defeated and broken, but then realizes the error of his ways, while everybody else realizes the same thing, and he comes back to vindicate himself, and is welcomed back with open arms. And it introduces unneeded tension AND I HAVE ALWAYS FUCKING HATED IT.

Let’s list the examples, shall we? A Bug’s Life, Aladdin, Mulan, The Road to El Dorado, Chicken Run, How to Train Your Dragon, Klaus, Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted, Megamind (SUBVERSIVE MY ASS), Over the Hedge, Rango, Toy Story, Steven Universe (the whole Pearl/Sardonyx arc, which went on for WAY too long), the list goes on and fucking on. And I GODDAMN HATE IT. Not to say it can’t be done well. Disney actually usually does a pretty good job with it, and Dreamworks uses it A LOT, but almost always pretty well. But sometimes...GOD. Either way, it’s still used FAR too fucking much. And look. Here’s another one. Joy.

Look, at this point...I will freely admit that I'm biased against this trope, but it’s also obvious where this is headed. Basically, Daniel switches back and forth between the dinner with the family, and the dinner with Mr. Lundy. With Mr. Lundy, he gets absolutely SMASHED. Great. Great decision, Daniel.

So, yeah, Mrs. Doubtfire’s also smashed, which is pretty goddamn apparent to them all. At this point, I’m wondering why Daniel, as Mrs. Doubtfire, didn’t just say she was sick as hell, and had to go home. Or, considering the fact that Daniel proposes her as a show idea regardless, the switch wasn’t even necessary! And that means that none of what’s about to happen, happens. Or, here’s a crazy thought, maybe Daniel shouldn’t have POISONED STU’S FOOD WITH CAYENNE PEPPER THAT HE’S ALLERGIC TO! 

YEAH! Because that causes Stu to go into anaphylactic shock for a hot sec, causing him to choke. Mrs. Doubtfire does the right thing and gives him the Heimlich maneuver, and in the process, SURPRISE! IT’S BEEN DANIEL ALL ALONG! BUH BUH BUHHHHH DA DA DA DAAAAA DA

Yeah, so Miranda is understandably ENRAGED by this revelation, and it’s all over. Daniel represents himself in court at the custody hearing, but the judge deems his “lifestyle” dangerous for children. Which...yikes, Judge, that statement didn’t age well AT FUCKING ALL. But, given Daniel’s admitted stupidity with this whole idea, he’s not wrong about the dangerous part. But, I have to say, Daniel’s speech in his own defense is nice...although he also says he’s addicted to his children, so let’s throw a second yikes on there for good measure.

The speech moves Miranda...but not enough to prevent Daniel has his custody stripped away from him! GOD THEY BOTH SUUUUUUUUCK. Daniel’s a broken man, and Miranda and the kids are similarly broken without him and Mrs. Doubtfire. However...Daniel’s career isn’t broken AT ALL, as Mrs. Doubtfire is now a kid’s show host! Yeah! And she’s a hit! And again, it brings me to wonder why Daniel DIDN’T APPLY HIS OBVIOUS TALENTS LIKE THIS IN THE FIRST GODDAMN PLACE

Realizing that she made a mistake, she goes to the set during the filming of a show. She congratulates him on the show, and he replies by stating how broken he is now! Thanks, Miranda! Well, after an argument, and after Miranda sees how badly she’s messed up someone she used to care for, they come to an agreement: joint custody. FINALLY GODDAMN IT

And good, because I don’t want them back together. I have to give this film props for that: they acknowledge that these two are NOT good for each other, and they deliver a message in the end: families are families, no matter how they’re shaped. One mom, one dad, uncle or aunt, grandparents, adoption, two separated or divorced parents...oh, also, two dads or two moms. Yeah, that isn’t said in Mrs. Doubtfire’s final monologue, which is odd considering Daniel’s brother and his life partner...but it’s also kid’s TV in the ‘90s, so I guess that sadly makes sense. And with that, and their new family arrangement, Daniel takes his kids on an afternoon out, as himself.

...Look. That’s Mrs. Doubtfire, yaddayaddayadda LOOK. I don’t dislike this movie. In fact, here: have this mini-Review:

Cast and Acting - 9/10: Good, although Brosnan was a little stiff.

Plot and Writing - 5/10: It’s an idiot plot, what can I say? It’s actually based off of a book, which was a surprise to me, but it was adapted by Randi Mayem Singer and Leslie Dixon, and...eh. Still an idiot plot.

Directing and Cinematography - 8/10: It’s Chris Columbus, you get what you get. Definitely has that Home Alone flair to it.

Production and Art Design - 8/10: I mean, yeah, the Doubtfire disguise was good most of the time, but...I dunno, I could still tell it was Robin. But, still, it was good. Took 4 hours of makeup, fun fact.

Music and Editing - 8/10: Music by Howard Shore (ooh, Howard Shore!) was pretty nice, especially the ending theme. Editing by Raja Gosnell was...RAJA GOSNELL???

OH GOD. Yeah, OK, I see what happened here. Also, I didn’t know he was an editor! I just know him as the director of the Scooby-Doo films, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, The Smurfs films, Big Momma’s...

...OK, no, I am not doing Big Momma’s House OR the Madea movies. THE TROPE-BUCK STOPS HERE! I am moving on to something else! But, of course, I have to sum this up in a Review. See you there!

[banashee]

 5 Times Jon and Martin hug +1 time they kiss

 1

 The first time Martin and Jon hug - or more precisely, the first time Martin hugs Jon - it is a response to the fact that they’re still alive more than anything else. It’s after Jane Prentiss’ attack, after Martin finds the body of Gertrude Robinson down in the tunnels.

 Everyone is a bit worse for wear, which isn’t surprising after everything. The whole institute is full of dead worms and police, so there is little time to think of anything else until the worst of the storm has calmed.

 It’s only after, when Jon asks Martin for his statement about the incident that everything hits him at once.

 “I’m sorry I left you. I thought you and Tim were right behind me…” The guilt about almost losing the two of them eats on Martin, and when he looks up at Jon, he is surprised to see that his eyes have softened more than he’s ever seen on him.

 “Martin, it’s not your fault.” Carefully, as if unsure if he even should, Jon reaches out over the desk in an attempt to comfort, and Martin takes his hand and squeezes without thinking about it, grateful to have something besides a cold, hard table or the edges of his chair to hold onto.

 He is also starting to tear up - great. As if today hasn’t sucked enough already, now he’s about to cry at work, too. But Jon… Is unusually patient. He waits for him to finish his statement and doesn’t push more than absolutely necessary.

 Once the recording is done, he looks him in the eye, and thanks him again for letting him record this statement.

 “Thank you, Martin. And, I suppose, I am glad that you are alright. I was… worried when you weren’t with us anymore.”

 “I was worried about you, too. Both of you. I-'' Ah, great, now he really is crying in front of Jon. Martin wishes for the floor to open up and swallow him whole, but Jon doesn’t comment on that. He simply waits for Martin to calm down or leave or… Whatever he chooses to do next, reall, he doesn’t know.

 To both their surprise, after Martin wipes over his face with one of his sleeves, he pulls Jon into a quick but heartfelt hug. The man feels stiff like a board and thin as bones in his arms, but after the first second of surprise, he hesitatingly hugs back.

 “I am glad that you are okay.” he repeats quietly, and when Martin hurries out of the room after they let go, Jon looks after him, hoping that he really is alright. Or at least, will be alright.  

 There is a lot he would have liked to say, or do, but as always, there seems to be a blockage in his head that stops him from doing so.

  ��  2

 It is late at night and Jon doesn’t think there is anyone still in the office. Yes, Martin is still in the Archives, but that is because he currently lives here. However, it is getting late and he is probably in the storage room and asleep by now, so that doesn’t really count, does it?

 Jon wants to keep going, because he is having too many thoughts to calm down, but he is also exhausted. He doesn’t remember when he last got a decent night of sleep, or whatever counts as such ever since he started working down in the Archives. Sleep has always been a difficult subject to him, but it is even more so now.

 Jon is cold almost all the time lately. He doesn’t sleep well as it is, but there is also something about this whole job, this whole situation, that leaves him nervous and shivering. Truth be told, he is afraid. More afraid than he is willing to admit, his short heart-to-heart with Martin when the worms attacked aside.

 But even then, he had been unwilling to get into any more details. Trusting people, being vulnerable - it is an almost foreign concept to Jon, as much as he would like to be closer to the others.

 He’s been holding himself back, trying to keep them at arm's length, for everyone's safety. But ever since Jane Prentiss’ attack, ever since he realized how much he really cares about Martin, Tim and Sasha when he’d feared for their lives, this particular plan had started to fail more and more.

 Jon sighs, rubbing his tired and itching eyes under the glasses. There are slight tremors running through his entire body. Maybe he should get some tea, warm up and then see. He didn’t have a lunch break, because he keeps forgetting these things, so maybe it might help.

 Jon sighs, then he slowly gets up from the seat by his desk. His recently injured leg is still hurting, and he knows he should give it a rest. He knows he should let it heal properly, but he’s always been bad at taking care of himself. Besides, what is he supposed to do at home? Sit there and wait for something terrible to happen while everyone else is stuck here? No, he’d really rather not.

 When Jon steps out of his office, he is surprised to find that there is a faint light coming from the staff kitchen. Slowly, he steps closer to the room until he can see Martin. He is sitting at the kitchen table in an old t-shirt and what looks like green sweatpants with an ugly pattern, hunched over in his seat as he cradles a mug between his large hands. His hair is a mess, standing up in every direction, and he very much looks like somebody who tried and failed to sleep for quite some time.

 Near him on the table, he can see the corkscrew and there is no doubt that there is one of the fire extinguishers in the room. Even though most of the worms are dead by now, old habits die hard, and it seems like these things help Martin feel a little bit safer.

 Jon decides to say something now rather than later. He doesn’t want to startle the other man, and he also hopes that he wasn’t too loud while he worked.

 “Oh, hi Martin. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

 Martin almost jumps out of his skin and his head whips over to the door where Jon is still standing. Clearly, he wasn’t expecting the company at this hour. As soon as he realizes who it is, Martin seems to relax a bit.

 “Christ Jon, I didn’t - I had no idea you were still here.”

 “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

 “It’s fine, really. Can’t sleep, anyway... There’s tea in the pot, if you want any.” he adds, and nods over to said pot on the table.

 “Thank you.” Jon pulls another mug from the cabinet and fixes himself a mug, grateful that he doesn’t have to fumble his way through preparing everything. Now that he thinks of it, his hands are shaky and he would probably pour boiling water all over himself or something of that nature.

 Truth be told, he is rather grateful for the company.

 “Can’t sleep, either?” Martin asks eventually, and Jon looks up at him. He isn’t sure what Martin sees, but he is pretty sure that it’s fresh scars, exhaustion, more grey hair and eye bags down to his knees, or something to that effect. Really, there is no denying it.

 “Not really, no. Getting work done here… It’s better than nothing, I suppose.” Jon shrugs self-consciously and takes a sip of his tea. It’s warm and comforting, and it instantly calms his nerves. At least a little bit.

 The two of them share a bit of comfortable silence as they drink, and eventually, Jon slumps sideways with a sigh, more even exhausted than he had been before.

 His head lands against something warm, soft and sturdy, and he finds that he doesn’t mind that.

 Martin looks up in surprise when he finds that Jon has actually fallen asleep right on the spot      , leaning against his shoulder.     A deep blush is creeping up his neck, but thankfully, it is in the middle of the night and there is no one else around to see the scene unfold.

 Careful not to wake him, Martin attempts to keep drinking his tea, pointedly ignoring that Jon, who seems dead to the world, actually wraps both arms around his middle in his sleep.

     Oh, Fuck.  

 Martin is screwed - well and fully screwed and he knows it.

 When Jon wakes up later, he is stammering and apologizing profusely, clearly embarrassed about the whole situation. But despite everything, somehow, something between the two of them seems to click into place that night.

       3

 Another time, a little bit later down the line, Jon and Martin hug in the middle of the office. There is no specific reason, really, but truth be told, the two of them have grown closer and closer over the last few months and weeks.

 When they hug, it very much looks like what Tim will amusedly call “The happy fork lift” while he watches the scene unfold with a fond grin. It doesn’t happen often that he gets to see a treat like this -   because “forklift” is actually quite accurate for what’s happening here.

 Okay, so Jon is short. That is      not    his fault, but the fact is, he barely reaches up to Martin's shoulder when both of them are standing up straight.

 No one dares uttering the word “adorable” because for one, Jon is technically still their boss,

 But, the thing is, Jon is short, and when Martin hugs him that night, happy and seemingly carefree for once, he lifts him straight off of his feet.

 Tim may or may not be cackling in the background and Melanie may or may not be rolling her eyes at them.

 Today, there is no specific reason for them to hug. It’s just - their week has gone well for once - or at least, as well as a week can go for them these days. They’re off for the weekend now, so maybe for once, they’re simply a couple of coworkers - friends now, really - who are about to leave and that’s it. Just a friendly “see-you-on-Monday”-hug, and well.

 If both Jon and Martin cling on for just a second longer than they usually would, that’s between them.

     4

 It’s been way too long since they talked.

 Jon has just come back to work, freshly out of coma and the world might just as well have gone on without him. It feels like that, sometimes.

 Jon doesn’t feel like himself at all, even if you take aside the whole “back from the dead” thing. The truth is, Jon is lonely.

 Georgie is barely talking to him anymore. Tim is dead, which hurts like hell, even though they had their troubles towards the end. It doesn’t mean they stopped caring. Jon wishes they could have talked things through one last time, because that’s what friends do, right?

 Sadly, they never got the chance.

 Daisy, Melanie and Basira are around, but that’s not really the same. Jon isn’t as close to them, like he used to be to Martin, Tim and Sasha. Sasha who has been dead for so long and none of them noticed it at the time. It hurts, just as much as losing Tim, and it feels just as fresh.

 Martin is still here, but Jon hasn’t seen him since he came back.

 Every time he hears a door open in the hallway, Jon finds himself jumping up from his seat, sprinting to the door just to see if he might have missed Martin. More often than not, it’s someone else.   Until one day, by chance, he runs into him in the hallway.

 “Martin! Hi!”

 Martin looks up, and it looks like he is… Grey. Fading away, like he isn’t really here.

 “It’s - it’s good to see you. We haven't talked in a while.” Jon is smiling at him, but Martin seems incapable to return it. There is something lost and sad about him, more so than usual - it’s his eyes, Jon realizes. Martin looks sad and empty, but he’s Martin and he’s missed him so much.

 Without thinking, Jon steps closer and wraps his arms around the larger man in a hug that doesn’t get returned this time. Martin stands there, stiff and just as lost as before, and he feels cold. So cold. But he still smells the same, smells of tea and woolen jumpers and that one brand of shampoo that he’s been using for years. It is familiar and comforting, but at the same time, it feels wrong.

 When Jon returns to his office and closes the door behind him, there is a thick  lump forming in his throat. He doesn’t feel better at all.  

     5

 They are standing on a foggy beach and Martin is freezing cold. He is even more faded away than before, as if he barely even exists anymore. Far away from everything and everyone around him.

 When Jon finally reaches him, reaches out for him, he is afraid that he might not even be able to touch Martin at all. But when he reaches out, Martin's hand is ice cold, his skin clammy and crusted with salt.

 They stand there in the middle of an empty beach, waves rolling lazily behind them as the thick white fog seems to swallow them whole.

 “I was so alone.” Martin tells him, and his voice breaks. Jon closes the distance between them in a heartbeat, wrapping himself around the larger man as tightly as he can, trying to protect him from the world around them and everything that is trying to hurt him.

 “Come on, let’s go home.” he quietly tells him, and after what feels like eternity, Martin agrees.

 They keep holding hands the entire way to Martins apartment, throughout the night and the entire next day when they’re huddled together on a train, on their way to Scotland.

     +1

 Martin wakes up warm, comfortable and with a mouthful of Jon’s hair. The man in question is cuddled up into his back, both arms and legs wrapped tightly around Martin, like an octopus. He does that quite a bit, and honestly, Martin can’t complain.

 He loves all the small ways in which they can express their love to each other, and if one of the most “human cactus” people Martin has ever met in his entire life wants full-body-cuddles from him on a daily basis, who is he to deny him that?

 Besides, it’s not like it’s a hardship. Martin loves these moments just as much, and he wonders sometimes how he ever managed to feel truly alive before he - they - could have this.

 Martin is well aware that he’s got privileges that no one else would have with Jon. He knows he won’t ever sleep with him - well, not like that, anyway - and they have talked about this, about boundaries and wishes, everything important to them. They have found and developed their own ways to be close and show their love to one another, and it works. It just works.

 “You’re like a small backpack.” Martin had joked once, and as a result got the treat of hearing Jon sleepily laugh into his shoulder. God, he loves hearing him laugh. It doesn’t happen nearly often enough, but, not without a sizable amount of pride, he noticed that Jon laughs a lot more now that they are together.

 Martin attempts to pull the salt-and-pepper strands of Jons hair out of his mouth without waking the other man, and as always, it proves to be a real challenge.

 Jon’s hair seems to have a life of its own, and it’s everywhere. Spread out over the pillows. In Martin’s face. In his own face - everywhere. Jon, oblivious to all of this, sighs in his sleep and tightens his hold around Martin, hands clasped around on his sleep-warm chest. Meanwhile, Martin carefully attempts to free himself from his boyfriend's hair.

     ‘I should braid it later    ´, he thinks as he carefully tucks the rest of it away and gently scratches Jon’s scalp while he is at it.

 Braiding his hair relaxes both of them, and Jon tends to lean into the touch like a cat, which is always a plus. Martin smiles as he allows himself to slowly wake up while he enjoys the warm company of his boyfriend. It’s been a while since either of them could sleep so peacefully, and even though it happens on borrowed time, they are determined to enjoy every minute of it.

 After a little while later, Jon slowly stirs awake. His hold around Martin tightens for a moment, then he pushes his face into the crook of his neck.

 “Good morning, my Love.” Martin says, fingers tracing along Jons forearms that are still wrapped around him. He smiles when he gets a kiss on his neck in response.

 “Sleep well?” he asks then, and Jon stretches out his limbs while he remains wrapped around Martin. Cat. This man is a damn cat.

 “Hmhm… Good morning, Love.”

 Now that there is a bit more space, Martin used it to turn around and face Jon. He is half awake and smiling at him, as if Martin is the best thing he has ever seen. Truth be told, he is, and Jon is happier to have him than words can express.

 Martin is his person, the love of his life. As hard as the last years and months have been on them, at least they have found each other, and that has to count for something, right?

 More so than that, they’re comfortable with and around each other, in a way Jon hasn’t been around anyone in a very long time, or maybe ever. They know each other, good parts and bad parts alike.

 They remain wrapped around each other for a bit, chest to chest this time, and Jon smiles a happy, loops smile when Martin presses a kiss on top of his head and then keeps stroking his hair, neck and back. His own hands are tracing small, invisible patterns on Martins back now, and the two of them thoroughly enjoy slowly waking up like this.

 Neither of them has had a nightmare, which is rare these days, but they’ll take some peace and quiet whenever they can.

 After a little while, Jon and Martin pull away from each other, just a little bit, to be able to look at each other and to share a proper good morning kiss, ever gentle but definitely enthusiastic.

 “Hi.” He smiles.

 “Hi yourself.” Another kiss, and then they are interrupted by the sound of a growling stomach. They share a look.

 “Time for breakfast?”

 “Yes, definitely. I think we’ve got ingredients for pancakes, if you want.”

 And just like that, they start another day in the cozy cabin in the middle of the scottish highlands.

                                   Notes:  

Warnings: - mentioned canon character death - references to depression, loneliness etc.

[seafleece]

Hey, random question, but what do you think are the M9's love languages?

oh, anon, you absolutely did not sign up for this and i am so sorry, but here we are. i had to look up the five types and keep them in the google doc to remind myself what they were, but uhh here’s almost 4000 words of character analysis and discussion of debatable quality

jester: 

my initial thought was quality time— an obvious and painful one, as it’s the one her mother wasn’t able to provide. i think the sleeper, though, for jester, is acts of service. 

with beau, this especially shows up in reference to healing— jester having a more healing-focused cleric around is a big relief, especially for someone so close to warlock status that she almost was one, but very notably, she very much wants to heal beau. she specifically apologizes for not doing so in the chantry, and attributes that to beau’s absence rather than anything else; more generally, there’s a huge amount of distress on jester’s part when beau is hurt, and that she wants to be the one to heal beau (notably, with the gorgon, she RAN to beau, was immediately upset both times beau started getting petrified, and even dissuaded caduceus or caleb from using their turn to heal beau so she could instead, making sure to be Right There even while nott was applying the oil). she also seems to really value the instances when beau does things for her, especially since there are specific acts that beau reserves for jester (engaging with religion in any capacity, wearing a dress for jester and more broadly allowing jester to pick her clothes, a concept which beau probably has an explicitly negative association with from her mother).

it’s also muddled jester up the worst when it comes to relationships she understands less— the “kiss” with fjord in the temple that was a vehicle for giving jester air, most specifically, comes to mind— and she’s really come to terms with this by realizing that romantic feelings weren’t really what he was expressing, and that it wasn’t necessarily what she was feeling, either. it’s noticeable in how she describes her relationship with the traveler— she feels like her service to him is doing little things for him, and asks, when she’s unsure, when the traveler failed to act on her behalf when they were kidnapped, if she did something wrong to make him angry, and literally desecrates a temple to make up for it as soon as they’re back in town.

and the thing is, quality time isn’t really what was lacking in her relationship with marion— marion probably did have time to spend with jester for at least a little while every day. the problem is that marion simply couldn’t provide jester with things that she needed: access to the outside world and companionship. she had to learn from near-scratch how to navigate relationships of varying intensities, and it shows with her initial zeroing in on fjord as an iteration of the dashing sailor her momma told her about, as well as her more slow-burn come to trust and really invest in and love beau, because she’s never had a relationship like that with a girl, and maybe didn’t even know it was something she could have, or something she could want.

jester’s her proudest when she’s doing things for other people, even if they maybe wouldn’t love her doing it if they knew— threatening beau’s dad because she hates that he hurt her, hearing that beau was thinking about leaving and marching in to modify memory a hag, writing astrid a letter because caleb seems like he liked her, asking essek if he likes caleb because caleb seems to like essek, painting yasha’s room in the xhorhaus, finding outfits for everyone. she struggles with how to rein in showing it and thinking first about the potential consequences, and is unsure how to navigate what it means when she’s shown it in return, but it’s messy and heartfelt and sincere. with her mom, she really clearly appreciates when her mom does do things for her— providing a home for her friend’s family, allowing the m9 to stay in the chateau, coming to the party with them despite her agoraphobia. i’m sort of banking on a scene where jester talks to her about it, apologizes for leaving, and reaffirms that it means a lot to her that marion is stepping out of her comfort zone for her.

beau: 

words of affirmation. this is NO DOUBT something her parents didn’t give her, maybe ever. this is baked into her relationship with them— she knew that her father wanted a boy, he probably Told her this, and she wasn’t one. it’s something she could literally never be, an aspect she would be forever resented for, that would tinge everything her father ever said to her. her mother also probably didn’t give her much if any affirmation, as she was trying to police and fix beau’s behavior to avoid thoreau’s anger for both of them, and never properly elaborated to beau that her intention was to keep beau from being punished (not that it would have made it okay, for the record). it’s also why her conversation with her parents in 92 immediately threw her off, because for once they actually told her she’d impressed them, that she’d done good, and it’s rough as hell to see that. 

unfortunately, it’s also the thing she’s least likely to get from everyone else unless she’s at her worst, because almost everyone else, including fanon, seems to have profoundly absorbed this idea that beau is rude and abrasive and sarcastic and she’s just. not. she might have been at the start, but she’s always been especially soft with jester, she and caleb are very mutually assured about the sort of affection they show each other, she’s always been either openly flirting with or just sort of tenderly awkward with and trying around yasha, she and caduceus have a fun and pretty peaceful dynamic i always love to see, and we know caduceus, for at least a while, considered beau his favorite. 

then, there’s the characters she’s known for butting heads with the most: fjord, with whom she’s developing a sibling dynamic to rival hers with caleb and really obviously is ride or die for; nott, who used to openly insult beau and just about everyone else, and who is now 1/3 of the chaos crew beau is also in; and molly, whose death was a HUGE turning point for beau in terms of a) taking stock of her morals and how she intended to act on them and b) expressing love for someone so you know they know it, before it’s too late. 

jester seems to see this the most, no surprise there, and dairon also sees a lot of potential in beau not because she’s strong or fast (she’s from a martially focused monastery), but because she’s smart. dairon talks about and to beau very affectionately compared to other mentor/guardian figures she’s had, and i think it means a lot to her coming from both jester and dairon. she certainly returns the favor for both of them.

fjord: 

this one isn’t immediately apparent, so i’m gonna start by talking about the nature of his relationship with caduceus (and see where it gets me). 

okay, i lied, i’m starting with molly.

fjord and molly had a thing. it’s clear in retrospect, and i’ve talked about it, but i think it has to do with where fjord was in his quest to reinvent himself. molly was someone who, for all intents and purposes, had flawlessly become a new person— not necessarily because of a concerted effort to change who lucien was, but a different person nonetheless. fjord wanted desperately to believe that that was attainable for him, and thus saw a lot in investing in molly. molly was a silent affirmation that fjord could really pull this off, could really reinvent himself and be fine.

also, molly was hot. enough said.

caduceus, on the other hand, offered something different. caduceus came along right before fjord’s willingness to help uk’otoa was first tested— fjord rose to the occasion, but the whole time there was someone new along, someone whose faith in his deity seemed assured. assured, that’s something fjord never had.

afterward, he got to see what it meant to believe in a god like that, and he started to want in. caduceus seems like a very honest person— though really, it’s just because m9 doesn’t know the right questions to ask him— and his god is the god of the sea, too, right? fjord really lost a rock in molly the way i don’t think a lot of people realize, and it’s why his swallowing the summer’s dance felt so meaningful. he was keeping a part of molly with him, and i wonder if he misses that part of his falchion. after he lost his inspiration for recreation, he started to put stock into authenticity as the answer, and caduceus as the vehicle. and the wildmother was very accepting, too, took him in like a lost sheep.

where fjord is now, i think he values the covenant (which i realize i actually define later, so if i forget to reorganize these before i post, then oops) in a similar way to caleb. more specifically, though, he decidedly the word owe in talking to beau about the group’s relationship, which, among other things, speaks to acts of service. fjord has work to do to earn his place as a paladin of the wildmother (and a good amount of work to do indeed, if getting trounced by darrow was any indication), and he feels the need to repay caduceus for his help, companionship, and guidance. fjord also gets hurt and KO’d. a lot. i think he takes it on the chin as his role in the group— that’s his job, and he has faith in caduceus and jester to keep him up. they’re not done yet, they haven’t finished serving one another, so beau leaving is of considerable offense (near-mutinous, to be specific).

caleb: 

words MEAN SHIT to caleb, you can tell in the way he talks. everyone remembers the times he’s told nott he loves her, he responds best to beau because i think he really loves the way she talks, he shows his feelings in really passionate speeches to nott, to beauregard, and most recently to essek. there’s absolutely a reason why so many goddamn quotes from campaign 2 are attributed to this dude, and it’s because he monologues like a fucking champ. their group is named after his accent. 

as for receiving love, though, i think it’s a little different. we know from talks that he’s placed a lot of value on the things jester has done for him, and moreover to be herself as someone who gives recklessly, but as far as we know he doesn’t intend to do anything with it. with nott, i’m tempted to create a new category that’s something like a covenant? he and nott agreed to travel together and help each other under the worst conditions, and they’ve stuck to this fastidiously. this covenant, this commitment to the group, is something he extends to everyone— he is not willing to walk away from this, and hasn’t been for a long time, he believes in all of them, truly, what they can do— and cherishes the fact that everyone has kept this, except for two very specific moments. beau, when she introduced the threat of her leaving the party, and yasha, when she was taken over by obann. for beau, he actually seemed fairly quiet compared to fjord, and i’m not sure yet on why this is, other that i think he trusted fjord and jester to talk her down. as for yasha, he seems to be really invested in commiserating with yasha as two haunted ones (literally), and sees her as someone who also really values the group but sees her ability to belong as tarnished by what she’s done. 

for the purposes of this, i’m gonna refer to it as that, as a covenant (yes i’m a failed church kid, what of it) and as separate from acts of service, because it’s more akin to the promise of one major, permanent act of service to each other. i wonder if it’s this steadfastness in that idea that partially led caduceus to continue and develop the idea of his role, because caleb and the rest of team cockroach, as i call them, were gonna keep that covenant if it killed them, and caduceus could keep them from getting killed, at the very least, if he entered into it.

but anyway, that covenant now extends to essek, if he decides to take it. and if he does, that will mean something infinite to caleb, i think. 

caduceus: acts of service.

okay. i wanna talk about caduceus and danger.

caduceus doesn’t heal himself. we know this. he heals everyone else, and not himself. 

i’ve been checking critrole stats on this, and if i’m reading correctly, he has taken the most damage (157) in one episode than anyone else. and it’s not a small margin. the closest is yasha (129) and i’m almost certain that’s from the episode where she decided to literally get attacked until she passed out. i was trying to guess which episode this was from, and then it hit me: probably the episode where he fucking died, right? because it really just never came up again.

caduceus has: started to drown at least 3 times in his first month on the job, been killed by nott, been beaten near to death when yasha was charmed, and been very quietly and very badly stabbed in the back by a disappearing assassin. he’s also died at home, as a family tradition.

there’s a million better meta posts about caduceus’s relationship with death, or even about him not healing himself, but I just want to set it as potential precedent for the idea that caduceus, to some degree, sees value in himself as someone who doesn’t mind dying in a fight. for one thing, it’s been a temporary thing almost from day one with m9, as jester immediately invested in diamonds when they got back to town. it’s not his first rodeo, either, and his family has normalized death to an, and i say this more because of how it’s affected him rather than because i dislike the idea of normalizing death, an upsetting degree.

giving healing, that’s his job, but eliminating himself as someone who needs help or healing, well, that’s healing in a way, too, right? if he doesn’t get healed, it’s more for everyone else. worst comes to worst, jester can heal him if need be. or, y’know. not heal him.

caduceus’s relationship with m9 has noticeable transaction rhetoric, and i wonder where that really fits in with his family. obviously, his role in the family was implied as the one who stayed behind, and his parents definitely imparted a need for him to be stable, a role he’s continued to fill for m9 to his quiet detriment but i think he’s also jumped on the opportunity to finally be the older one, the wiser one, of the group. there’s a power caduceus has over the group that’s really understated— they just sort of listen to him, even if what he’s saying doesn’t actually make sense, because he started with nott, beau, and caleb as a wise savior, a protector, and upon finding the others, it’s not like jester, fjord, or yasha were filling that role. molly certainly wasn’t either— it’s funny, how in retrospect caduceus seems inevitable to the group because they really didn’t have anyone like him. the closest thing to a voice of reason they had was fjord and caleb, and early on, caleb was not in great standing because of his and nott’s perceived standoffishness, and fjord threw up ocean water, so like, what’s up with that, right?

at the very least, he definitely believes he owes the mighty nein something, a role to fill, a job to perform. a service to act out, if you will. his job is to heal, and he does less healing if he heals himself. he seems to view him taking a hit as a win, in a way— it’s a hit that someone else doesn’t take.

i have a lot of hope that reconnecting with his family and seeing how he’s grown while they haven’t allows him to revisit his notions of what he needs to be, and i have a lot of hope that moving forward, he’ll be able to invest more in the other motif he’s developed, which is gift-giving: fjord, with the star razor; his sisters, with the hat (which seems small but like. boy’s had it for a while) and the flute; and, most recently, in helping jester pick out everyone’s outfits. it allows him to feel like he’s giving something to the people he cares about without it hurting him.

yasha: 

truly everything. it’s hard to get a read because yasha really just soaks in all the love m9 wants to give her. if i had to guess further, i’d say we should look at her and molly’s relationship, because molly’s the only character we’ve seen her unabashedly love, and the thing that stood out most to me was physical touch. that echoes really depressingly with her “fight” in 89— she got something out of being that close to someone, even if it felt like reparation or atonement, and i think the only person in m9 who’s been really unafraid to touch yasha is jester.

i’ll admit i have a soft spot for yashter, but, like, it’s there, right? the obvious trust, the faith jester has in yasha and the fear and turmoil when that was tested? i remember really clearly jester giving yasha a piggyback ride in zadash in an early ep, and like— when’s the last time someone was strong enough to do that? when’s the last time someone wanted to do that for yasha? everyone’s mistrusted yasha to some degree for the entire run of the campaign, and, like, how much did her hopes to get close to everyone else just evaporate after the king’s cage? does she really even believe she can have it again? she was so close— jester trusted her fully, she and beau were in a comfortable mutual place with flirting, she’d talked to caduceus and jester about zuala, she even felt comfortable picking up nott and throwing her around (which, by the way, i love their dynamic).

she seems to have leaned more into the protective, threatening stance since they got her back, which, if she’s comfortable with it, is just fine— maybe she’s shifting more towards acts of service, but i just hope it isn’t her just accepting the idea that everyone will always be afraid of her, that she won’t be close like that again. because molly wasn’t afraid of her. jester wasn’t, and i don’t think she is, now— but fjord showed a lot of distrust, and i think yasha’s scared of the degree to which she hurt beau and how to even broach that discussion, and she attacked them, how could they ever forgive her or trust she wouldn’t do it again? 

(i wish i had a happier end to this, so i’ll just say that she did seem comfortable last ep, and that she may or may not have interest in getting a tattoo from jester? interesting stuff.)

veth: 

on a person to person level, veth definitely feels she and caleb are acting on the promise they’ve made to help each other— now she’s reached it, things are a bit more nebulous, but it’s obvious she wants to stick around for him. i’ll admit, her words to everyone in 97 were a bit surprising to me— she hasn’t really been good at conveying emotion like that before unless she’s desperate or really upset, and i imagine it was something she started planning in her head to say to everyone as soon as the first ritual didn’t work. that might be, i think, what she felt as relief, just not being able to articulate what she wanted to say to everyone.

as for her family, veth believes she owes her best self to yeza and luc— she kept herself from them not because she couldn’t have gone back, but because she felt like someone else, like someone worse, and the exaggerated tendencies from her previous life only reinforced this— she didn’t believe she deserved to be around them, before now. before caleb, i don’t know if she had any hope for returning to them at all, and he changed that entirely.

i’m also very interested in why veth is able to reconcile her marriage with yeza as veth with her loving caleb as nott, and if she sort of considers herself as two different people. we’ve seen so little of what she feels comfortable expecting from other people— for now, i’d say acts of service seems appropriate? but maybe something closer to just. fulfilling promises.

bonus: for the other two who are considered part of the mighty nein

kiri: 

words of affirmation. i’m a HUGE kenku stan, anyone who’s played d&d with me knows this, and i’m especially fascinated with the relationship with words when you can only speak the words you hear/remember. on the most basic level, if you speak to kiri, you are giving her a gift, you’re giving her the ability to speak, too. and if those words are affirming, then she can say them back! and you’re giving them to her, in a sense, to use as she pleases and repeat them to herself, even, and i just love that image— her, to herself, saying “i love you” in other people’s voices. i’m ride or die for kenkus, and kiri started it.

essek: 

okay, so almost everyone in the m9 could be read as needing words of affirmation, because it’s so clear that they need more love and knowledge of love than they’ve received, and have found it in each other. essek has quite literally found it in m9 for the first time. he absolutely needs all of these, like, ASAP, but i think it’s what everyone says to him that get him the most. caleb’s speech, obviously, but it’s also them casually referring to him as their friend, it’s jester’s messages, even if he’s busy. it’s important to say, though, that i think it’s a specific type of affirmation: things that have nothing to do with his magic ability (and moreover, any of these gifts that have nothing to do with it). essek’s built his entire life on the idea that he is someone incredibly powerful and smart for his age— m9 are probably the first people to make him feel like he was more than that, because they want to know about the rest of him, and in becoming friends with them, he’s confronting the fact that he doesn’t really believe there is a rest of him. they want to know a part of himself that he at best has neglected and has been neglected by others, and at worst that he believes does not exist. when they talk about him as a friend, it adds to who he can be. he’s seeing, for the first time, that he can exist as someone else than his abilities and his ambition.

i initially started off with words of affirmation and he clearly needs that, but i think he really just needs all of these in a very specific way: he needs to feel love that is not based in merit, that pertains to who he actually is in this life rather than what he can become in the next, that values the life he’s living right now, because he’s not getting that from the dynasty. it seems like a low bar, maybe, to people who only have the one life, as far as we know, but his arc this campaign shows that it really, really isn’t.

[b-rainlet]

📓📓📓📓

- the-scarecrxw

(Since you sent 4 of those emojis I'm gonna go off but I'll stick to one in this answer and make seperate posts for the others aksnsns)

I can't give you anything Jonathan centric (that isn't Tommy/Jonathan, one of my fave rarepairs) but Jerome features in lots of my AUs.

This one is one of my faves that's entirely self-indulgent and if it ever gets written it's probably gonna be the longest fic I ever published (Again: If it ever gets written):

I gotta apologize in advance, it's just a fun little AU I haven't put too much thoughts into in terms of plotting so this is gonna be A. Long, B. Messy and C. A little chaotic

- First off, you gotta understand that @nsfwitchy2 Me had some fun with a pretty nonsensical and definitely not canon-compliant AU where Jerome and Jeremiah have three Mums (Tabby, Lee and Barbara, who all date) and live with them and Barbara Lee as their little sister.

- Ecco also lives with them, she sees herself as both the twins' gf more than a genuine part of the family tho (for now)

- (Meanwhile at Wayne Manor Alfred and Jim date and are very tired parents of Bruce and his clone 514A, in this AU - and pretty much every AU - nicknamed Brook)

- (Selina kinda goes back and forth between living at Wayne Manor or at Lee's place)

- Also, everyone dates. The twins. The clones. Eccomiah, Jecco, Batcat, Valeyne, Wayleska, they're all fucking

- Which isn't THAT important for this particular AU but I figured I'd give a warning xD

- This is mostly my attempt to give Tabitha some more backstory? Just...how I personally see her character and how I could see her end up if things would've went differently after S2

- The google docs file is called 'How Tabitha started being a Mum while disregarding canon completely' lmao

- Like her current life involves having 4 kids (if you count Selina) and two wives and that's a hell of an AU and I just like to overthink things and play with the way things would have needed to have gone in canon to have her 'end up' like this

- Also I can see her struggling with having a family all if a sudden (that isn't a manipulative brother or a weird cult)

-Especially if that involves Motherhood

- So on one hand it's a 'S2 until now' fic, explaining what happened to her in my canon

- But also - mostly because I find that easier to organize in my brain - it's interwoven with a 5+1-esque fic of all her children calling her 'Mum' (and her getting emotional over that)

- So it switches back and forth between the past and the present but for rambling's sake, I'll start with the past

- She still leaves Theo behind and flees with Silver but she keeps Silver close instead of immediately sending her away

- And her and Silver get taken in by Fish after they leave Theo because they have nowhere to go and Fish loves taking care of strays

- (Fish, who probably didn't end up in Indian Hill but rather lives in hiding until she is ready to strike against Penguin)

- She refers to herself as Liza's Mother in canon, you can't tell me she wouldn't instantly adopt Tabby and call her 'Honey' and give her motherly advice while Tabby tries to be all bite but actually enjoys somebody taking care of her for once

- Selina🤝Tabby

'Trying so very hard all the time to not show how soft and insecure they are'

- Actually, I'd start diverting from Canon even sooner aksnsjd

- Well not full on changing canon, but I'd...pepper in some stuff

- Like some scenes of her back with Theo and the Maniax

- Mostly her talking to Theo about Jerome's planned murder, which, yeah, she knows it's been set in stone from the beginning but that doesn't mean that she isn't talking about alternatives where he doesn't get killed off

- And Theo's like "Don't tell me you're going soft. No one will miss him. He was just a boy. Not worthy enough to be remembered."

- And later on she betrays him and goes 'I remember him'

- Anyway, they stay with Fish for a while but Tabby doesn't wanna keep Silver in Gotham

- So she sends her back to the school she went to before coming to Gotham with Theo (but makes sure their weird cult can't get their hands on her there)

- And Silver wants her to come with but Tabby says she has some unfinished business

- Aka she just doesn't wanna leave Barbara (who is in a coma atm, if Memory serves right)

- And Tabby's reasoning is that it's not safe in Gotham but really, she thinks she can't be responsible for another person

- "She needs a mother. A Family. I can't give her that." - "You are her family."

- So Silver's out of the picture and Tabby hangs with Fish until Barbara wakes up and they get together again (and never ever seperate)

- Also there's no Butch/Tabby because that was unnecessary as fuck

- And I gotta be honest, I haven't thought more about canon because Butch/Tabby alone makes my head hurt already but somehow they start dating Lee

- Who brings Jerome into the relationship because I sure am fond of Lee being Jerome's Mother (like as in, I have several wips with that concept alone not counting this one)

- Jerome probably came back to life after S3 and Lee fought to have him not be treated like a violent criminal but rather a child who was taken advantage of and after his release from Arkham (where she visited him and made sure he got some proper treatment) it seemed natural to have him live with her

- (But also he's still a criminal aksnsjs, you can see how much I thought about this)

- (Sue me for sticking to the heartfelt scenes and avoiding the mess that is plotting)

- Tabby and Barbara already had Selina and through Jerome, Jeremiah and Ecco were added et voila! Their Family is complete

- (Why exactly Barbara Lee exists if Tabby and Barbara have been non-stop dating since S2 I can't tell you, I simply think she is neat and I like the idea of big brother Jerome)

- (This AU? Self-indulgent? Why would you ever think that?)

- In the present however she is dealing with what is mostly referred to as 'feelings'

- Mostly panic at realizing that the bunch of weird children she's been living with are seeing her as some kind of parental figure

- Because suddenly they all call her 'Mum'

- Unsurprisingly the first one to call her Mum is Jerome at breakfast

- She's reading the newspaper and there's an article about a hostage situation the twins planned and he goes 'Mum, are you done with that? Can we see?'

- And they snatch it from her and argue about how they didn't even make the front page while Tabby nearly chokes on her coffee

- And of course she breaks down talks to her wives about it later while they get ready for bed because no one ever called her 'Mum' before

- Barbara's braiding her hair, while Lee's off to the side, getting ready for bed and it's very domestic and I am very gay

- But neither see it as a big deal because both of them have been called Mum before (by Jerome at least. Like. Immediately upon meeting them)

- So she's trying to be nonchalant about it because it's only a big deal if she makes it one

- While also not being able to deny the warm feeling that spreads throughout her body when Jerome keeps calling her 'Mum'

- Miah and Selina on the other hand are both hesitant to call anyone Mum

- Miah cause of Pride, Selina cause of her Mummy Issues

- But they both do at some point

- I think I have more notes on this SOMEWHERE but I kinda wanna have Miah call her Mum while he's ill (because we all know he'd be super fussy and want attention 24/7)

- So she humours him and while he's close to falling asleep - and she's totally not carding her fingers through his hair because she isn't soft or anything - he mumbles: "Thank you Mum" and she melts

- Selina would be more angsty

- Like, maybe it's her birthday and she disappears for a while (as she tends to do) but Tabby (who's closest to her) knows how hard this day is for her (since again her Mum isn't there with here and looks for her and brings her back home but doesn't make a big fuss out of her birthday

- Just...lets her be, gives her space but also lets her curl up close to her and maybe Selina doesn't call her Mum on that exact day

- But it's the day she realizes she wouldn't mind calling Tabitha her Mother, so she hesitantly tries it out a while later (maybe days, maybe weeks, however long it takes for her to feel comfortable with it) and they share a smile

- Then there's Barbara Lee, but she barely counts because she's a toddler and calls everyone 'Mummy'

- Even her father ajsnsnsn

- The last one would be Ecco because I have a very soft spot for Tabby and Ecco being close

- Ecco's rather formal with them for the longest time (she calls Barbara, Lee and Tabby 'Ma'am' for the most part because she may like them, but she doesn't think they see her as family. She's just the token girlfriend).

- So there's a scene where they connect, possibly over Tabby's hand and Ecco's head since I hc that Ecco gets headaches and migraines a lot (considering that she still gets shot in the head by Miah, like I said, this AU isn't necessarily the most bullet proof in terms of linear timelines)

- But so is Gotham so-

- So there's possibly a scene where Ecco's headache is getting super bad and no one's around (especially not Miah to dote on her) and Tabby awkwardly tries to bond by telling her about her hand and how she can't feel much (is a little clumsy with it) and Ecco immediately imprints on her like a duckling

- Maybe it's even the first time anyone reached out to Ecco in a way that feels genuine, especially without the twins or any of her (various) other partners being present so now she's willing to die for Tabby

- Which ends in her also calling her 'Mum' (while she keeps calling Lee and Barbara 'Ma'am' and Lee's so mad ajsnsjdj she was trying so hard to bond with this kid but couldn't quite get it right and you're telling her her socially pretty clumsy - but still wonderful of course - wife managed with just one conversation?? Slander

- And of course because I can't stop myself, there would be even more tidbits here and there of Tabby overcoming her previous way of living (as in, thinking caring or showing emotions is weakness) by having her reminisce a LOT about Theo

- For example by having Jerome climb into bed with her while Barbara's sleeping and Tabby is waiting for Lee to come home

- Lee works as a doc in the narrows which may be a little illegal, but the people didn't just stop needing help after her Queen of the Narrows arc was over, so I vote she keeps at it (and is held in very high regard for it by pretty much everyone)

- Tabby always stays up until everyone is home because she likes knowing where everyone is and that they're safe while Jerome has frequent nightmares and wanders around the house, so this isn't a rare occurrence

- And sometimes, they talk Theo

- "You miss him?" - "Don't know."

- "I wish he was still alive so I could kill him." - "....Me too." - "Which one?" - "...Both."

- (ajajsbssj this is all just copy pasted and cleaned up a lil', leave me and my pretentious way of writing dialogue alone)

- Tabby also has a lot of interludes where she thinks about what growing up with Theo was like/her childhood in general

- How she always protected him from other children bullying him and how they swore to have each other's back but how in hindsight, she was the one doing all the dirty work for him, helping him fulfill his dream and enact his revenge

- Realizing that he probably never cared for her, not like she cared for him

- There's also allusions to them having sex because you cannot tell me they did NOT have sex

- And it ends with Tabby realizing that she is quite happy with how she ended up, even if it's neither how she thought she would ever live nor what her old self would've even wanted, possibly seeing too many attachments as 'weak' judging by the way she canonly used Butch for convenience sake at first

- And yeah, maybe now she can provide the family - the Mother - somebody else desperately needs

- So she brings Silver home

[order-of-river-phoenix]

I think this is like my third or fourth request to you, I hope you don’t mind! I was wondering if you’d write something with Joe Toye? I don’t mind what, but please can it have a happy ending? ♥️♥️

To Find You; Joseph Toye

Fandom: HBO War; Band of Brothers

A/N: ahhhh I have been trying to get this written all week, but words! hate! me! Also, I was supposed to have today off but uhhh that didn’t happen. Anyway, I hope the happy ending is to your liking 😊 thank you for the request!!

Warnings: ooh boy it starts a little angsty there

Taglist: @liebegott @stressedinadress @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @floydtab @hbohmygodx @meteora-fc @punkgeekchic @vintagelavenderskies @hoosiers-hoe @alienoresimagines @hannahbear1 @easy-company-tradition

__________

Hold my hand, you murmured in the back of your mind.

And it was like he read your mind, every time.

Bringing your hand to his lips, Joe kissed your chapped knuckles. "Shh, it'll be alright," he mouthed against the skin still held close to his face. "I won't let nothing bad happen to you."

Your eyes closed a moment longer than a blink. "I want to promise the same, but..." You didn't have to finish. You both knew you were a realist at heart; nothing was ever certain. Shades of gray, never black and white. "I gotta walk around. My feet are going to sleep."

He squeezed your hand once more before letting you go.

It didn't ease your conscience that you hadn't gone against your word when you heard it. The explosions, the cries for help. It was like the air had grown thicker, like trying to run in water. It felt so much longer getting back than it had to walk away.

You stumbled upon the place you'd left him, and you had never wished to be deceived more than that moment. You hoped and prayed your eyes were wrong. The scene laid out before you was heartbreaking. You looked across to Buck, who had gotten there first, and you could see the horror he felt.

The urge to comfort Joe was so exceedingly strong, but you couldn't move. You couldn't bring yourself to go to him. So you stood and watched as he and Bill were taken away.

"L/N," Lipton said softly. When you didn't react, he put his hand on the back of your shoulder. "L/N, hey. Why don't you come sit down?"

Finally you blinked. You'd been staring at the large area of dirty, bloody snow.

"Come on." He led you somewhere where more people could keep an eye on you.

__________

You spent every day since thinking about Joe. Whether he was okay or if he made it home safely. It made your own journey home feel less joyous. You tossed and turned at night, replaying that night over and over again, wishing you could have helped. Wishing you had at least gotten over yourself enough to say goodbye.

It was to no one's surprise when your family found a note on your pillow saying you loved them but you had to find someone—"Maybe I'll be back soon. No promises."

Rolling into his hometown, with nothing but an old camping pack with some necessities haphazardly thrown into it, you quickly decided that you'd just have to ask around until you found him.

You lucked out with the third person you stopped.

"Sure, I know Joe,” the stranger pleasantly answered. “They live not too far from here.” He gave you directions, and you were on your way, once again.

The house wasn’t hard to miss. Not that it stuck out, but he’d described it to you one night he was feeling homesick. And this one was exactly what you pictured when he talked about it.

The woman that answered the door had a familiar smile, which promptly fell when you told her why you were there.

“Joe’s not, uh, well... Joe isn’t feeling too well today.”

You laughed dryly. “All due respect, ma’am, but he wasn’t feeling too great the last time I saw him either. I really need to see him.”

She showed you to the room he had been sitting in all day. It was a sunroom with potted plants sitting near the windows and some sparse furniture.

Joe was lying on a small sofa, watching the wall across from him like there was a show on.

“You’ve got a visitor,” his mother announced, hoping for a reaction. She gave you a pained look before leaving the room.

You stayed by the door, unsure of where to put yourself. “Hi, Joe.”

He turned to look at you briefly, and he seemed unsure if you were really standing there. “What are you doing here?”

Facing down at your shifting feet, you felt small under his gaze. “I told you I’d come see you.

“Guess you did.” He turned back to the wall. “Well, now you’ve seen me.”

You thought you’d grown used to his dry sense of humor, but at the moment, you huffed a little. “You’re not even a little curious about how I found you?“

“I know you’re clever, Y/N,” he shrugged. “I don’t need to ask how you found out where I live.”

You decided to take a seat on the chair across from his sofa. “It’s just how you described it.” When he remained silent, you continued to babble. “This room is really nice. Do you spend a lot of time in here? I would if we had a room like this.”

“Ma thought I needed the sunlight. My bedroom window’s too small apparently.”

You nodded. The silence was almost palpable. You weren’t sure where to direct the conversation—you never had to try with him before—and for all you knew, he wanted you to leave him alone.

"You remember when you promised me you'd never let anything bad happen to me?" you blurted.

Still facing the wall, he answered with a quiet, "Yeah."

"And how I couldn't promise the same?"

"What are you getting at?" he sighed.

You shifted your feet again. "I feel like I should be apologizing."

He sharply turned to look at you. "Apologize for what? This isn't your fault, Y/N. You didn't break me."

A breath was sitting in your throat, waiting.

He decided to take advantage of your loss for words. "You sure as hell can't fix this,” he said, gesturing to his absent right leg. He almost laughed.

"I know that," you managed. "I just want you to talk to me at least."

"What have we been doing for the past 5 minutes?"

"You know what I mean."

His eyes averted as he nodded. "I know," he relented, but that was all.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I love you,” you admitted. “I’m sorry that I just stood and stared while you were in so much pain. And that I didn’t kiss you every single time that it felt like the right time. And I’m sorry I let you go so long without knowing that I love you in every imaginable way.” Your heart threatened to beat its way out of your chest and your neck itched with the blood rush.

“You came all this way to tell me that?”

You released the breath you’d been holding. “That’s all you have to say?”

Finally expressing somewhat more of the Joe Toye you remembered, he animatedly shrugged again. “I mean, most people would just write their heartfelt confessions. But no, no, I admire your flare.”

“Joe, how could I have written you? I didn’t know your address until I got here.” A smile crept onto both of your faces.

“I love you too, Y/N,” he said finally, putting your heart at ease. “I thought about saying a million different times too, so don’t feel like you have to apologize.”

__________

You moved into a boarding house a couple blocks away, making daily visits to the Toye house. The sunroom saw a few more bad days, but it also contained the many laughs and heartfelt conversations you two shared.

You wrote home a few times, first explaining you had found who you’d been looking for, and then recurring excuses as to why now was not the time to come home—“I just got a job here...Joe asked if I could help him with something next month...I couldn’t bear to leave now when...” Eventually, they got the message and just asked for an invitation to the wedding.

A year later, the occasion arose. You had agreed to a small ceremony, but by the time you’d addressed all the invitations, there were over a hundred guests on your list. They ranged from your respective families to some of the Easy company men to a few childhood friends.

It was easily the happiest day you two had shared, and neither of you could believe that it had finally come. You had both come a long way from those terrified soldiers fighting in Europe. Anyone could tell from the smiles glued to your faces that you were far from regretting your spur-of-the-moment decision to find him.

[batboysheadcanons]

This is your spoiler warning about Justice League Dark: Apokolips War. I’ll put it in the tags too.

But basically, I thought it was beautifully done. It was violent, heartfelt, heartbreaking, and I just felt so many emotions during it all. Truly, it was a master piece to me. Let’s start from the beginning.

John and Zatanna were great together. I love their chemistry, and knowing that they had seemingly worked out their issues since the first JLD, and it’s just lovely. The humor of Bruce being a cockblock was a nice touch.

When discussing Apokolips showing up on Earth’s doorstep, I think they did a good job of showing Superman’s trauma. He is the big blue Boy Scout, and is usually level headed and reasonable but you could see his encounter with Doomsday and Hank in Reign of the Superman, fucked with him and it showed there. To the point where he angerily damages part of their conference room, and is being stubborn with his plan. He didn’t want to take any chances with Darkseid again.

The jump from them flying into Apokolips and the paradoomen (that’s my new name for them), shattering their window to Earth, 2 years later, on fire and practically desolate, was harsh. It was like, they didn’t win. And it allowed us to get backstory, from multiple perspectives, which I thought was nice. John drinking was a good touch, as it shows his serious signs of PTSD, and guilt. Etrogen not even rhyming because he doesn’t see the point was just a hard hitting reminder that this world fucking sucked.

The first encounter between Superman, raven, and John was great. Raven’s annoyance, and “oh fuck this” were perfect. She’s already got a million things to be worried about, a drunk man and a drunk demon don’t need to be added to them. Also Etrogen just burping fire onto the paradoomen was great. A bit of humor to lighten up the dark bits. We also learned a bit more about what happened to the justice league, and got to see many of them visocusly ripped apart or seriously maimed. Knowing that Darkseid didn’t kill all of them either was horrifying, as you know many of them were actually better off dead at some point. John’s sarcastic nature was helpful to not make it too dark and depressing.

Next, to my best boy Damian, who immediately stops the battle with one word and threatens Superman, blaming him for the loss of his teammates and his father. This immediately stops when Raven collapses and we see a range of emotions cross his face, and we all saw those screen caps and they were every bit as good in the movie. He immediately sets aside his disdain for Superman and is worried about her. Finding out Dick died in front of him, protecting him from a paradoomen is super fucking depressing. Learning that he used a Lazarus pit to bring him back but it not working is even worse, and then we get gutted with the line of “he was my brother”. Like you can stop now, my heart can only bleed so much.

Next is the group going to see the suicide squad. First, seeing Lois Lane fight Harley Queen was hot as hell. Secondly, boomerang and John calling each other names and both ending on “wanker” was golden. Third, which this should have honestly been first but it just crossed my kind, is Damian, back in his Robin costume instead of his League of Assassins getup, was chicken noodle soup for my batboy soul. Honestly first thing should have been that king shark and John fucking is CANON. Continuing, Superman actively and positively cheering on Lois in her fight was adorable, and I liked it. Damian and Raven admitting their feelings for each other was great, and I’m really happy that this was the endgame.

Getting to LexCorp tower, and finding out Lex is the sleeper who was feeding Lois information was amazing, because we all wanted it to be Batman, and think that he had actually fought off Darkseid’s brainwashing, and was just in a deep cover until the right time came. But it showed that even Batman can break. They lost a lot of people in the tower, and watching a beast of a woman like Lady Shiva die was terrible, but I will say it felt almost meaningless. I do wish Damian had more of a reaction, as I’m sure he actually knew Shiva quite well, due to his time with the league of assassins since he was born, and when he went back to rule them after losing all of his friends and family. But I guess you can only take so many people to Apokolips. Story wise, it does make sense, it just seemed like it had very little impact on someone who I figured it would have a bigger impact on. Seeing all of Lex’s of kryptonite was good. “I had issues.” Was a great line.

The next part on Apokolips was horrifying. We get cyborg resemblances of what’s left of the justice league. It was physically awful to look at, and I’m sure for our heros, probably doing some psychological damage. The other part of that, took place in Darkseid’s throne room. I will say, I do not buy for one second that Damian would not avoid a laser beam. He’s not out of practice, and he’s been in extreme turmoil before. Back to the throne room, that was a masterfully thought out scene. And I would like to pinpoint the exact climax of the movie, which I found to be my second favorite part, the ending being my favorite part. But it’s not John debugging cyborg and the others, it’s not the beginning of the fight with cyborg, and not even Batman’s fight with Damian. The climax of the movie is when Bruce is getting ready to kill Damian and all of a sudden, he sees himself face to face with Joe Chill, at 8 years old, and dead parents in front of him. Bruce seeing himself in his blood son was the climax of the movie, because it set off the rest of the events for the rest of the movie. Batman breaks and throws the sword at Darkseid. He gets pissed and sends Omega beams towards Bruce, and Damian steps in front and takes it, which does kill him, and that breaks Raven, and she has John free trigon, who invaded Superman’s body, and it just continues from there, until they all got to leave and Darkseid and his paradoomens, along with trigon, end up stuck in the middle of nowhere. We get the damirae kiss at the end, and the flash starting another flashpoint, effectively ending this current continuity, and setting up another one, which I think really went well, considering this is the last movie in this continuity.

Now touching on the previous point of why the climax is my second favorite part of the movie, I never explained why it was that. And for me, it’s because it didn’t have any long winded “good man” speech to accompany it. Don’t get me wrong, I think it worked well with bad blood. But Talia only had him for a little over 2 weeks. Darkseid’s had him for at least 2 years. So it would take more than some words to get it together. But it couldn’t be just any action or any thought. The one thing that pulled him out of Darkseid’s control, is the event that created Batman. It was poetic, and it just worked for me. What better way to come to your senses than to just see the original, and just be like “this is who I am.” Damian mentioned this earlier in the movie too, that Dick’s death almost broke him, the key word being almost. I thought it was great, because Batman took Dick in, because he saw himself in Dick. Dick was the first Robin, and the next in-line to the mantel. Losing any of your children isn’t easy, but losing your first son, and the one who’s always been there is even harder. But it wasn’t enough to break him.

Now I’ll be talking about some things I really liked in this movie that I didn’t include up above, one of them being John Stewart’s last stand on Oa. John, is seemingly the last green lantern alive, the guardians are dead, and any green lanterns that were making a last stand were quickly and brutally dealt with. John is right in front of the source of the green lantern power, and he’s so close. He’s almost got it, the fist is raised, and Darkseid asks for a transfer of some of earth’s magma core onto Oa. He’s burned up, along with the power source for green lanterns. It’s super crushing because you were hoping, that even if he didn’t kill Darkseid, which he probably wasn’t going to, he could at least try to slow him down. But we never got there.

Another thing I liked is when Zatanna reveals that John didn’t run away on his own accord, and that Batman always has a contingency plan. Zatanna knew she was going to die at that point but made sure John made it out so the others could have a shot at eventually winning. First of all, holy shit that is traumatizing, watching someone you love die and you’re running away. But I’m assuming other magicians can feel when magic is being used on them, and so John is so upset with what’s happening that he doesnt even feel the magic being used. He just thinks he ran away, tail between his legs, because he was scared.

Raven letting go and using her demon powers to protect them from the laser beams and then afterwards “I will kill you boy” before immediately calming down and apologizing. Raven letting go to grab Luther and threatening him “no one will mourn you” was *chef’s kiss* everything I ever needed. Damian and Raven were so protective of each other this movie and it was so sweet to watch. You could really see that he did have feelings for her and it was just sweet.

Another part I liked was John offering himself up to Trigon to use as a host body and Trigon said “fuck that” and jumped into Superman, which if you look closely, burned the liquid kryptonite out of his body, which did allow him to return to his normal form when he watched Lois die, which holy shit. Wow. That was uh depressing. But it allowed Superman to gain control again, and it made sense on why Superman was back in his normal form. The other thing, is that Trigon is already a strong being, and from his past experience with the justice league, he knows Superman is strong too. It all made sense, and I do think it was done well.

Finally, John finding out that the Flash is the reason for this is amazing and also depressing, because at this point, if you’ve seen flashpoint paradox, Barry will have to sacrifice his mom to save the rest of the world. A world where everyone is alive. You also find out that their plan to blow up the generator won’t work because flash is the generator. They also use flash at the beginning to tell everyone that he’s seen what happens and that this may not be the time to do it. At the end, broken, battered, and utterly depressed, he knows what he needs to do. Create another flashpoint. I know I mentioned it above, but it really does bring a nice end to this animated universe and opens up the door for a new one. It does seem a little deus ex machina to me, but it’s not overly outlandish like time travel in the quantum realm using pym particles (looking at you marvel). The kiss at the end between Raven and Damian was perfect, because they truly were endgame and that’s all my baby bird heart wanted.

Basically all I wanted to say with this really long post is that I liked Justice Leage Dark: Apokolips War.

[ao3bronte]

Mamma Mia AU [Part 5]

READ PART 4 HERE!

I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do

“Marinette! There you are! I was beginning to worry—oh god, are you okay? Why is there mascara on your cheeks? Are you crying?!”

Juleka is running over to Marinette in a flash, pulling a makeup brush out of god knows where, “I’m fine, really. I just have some...allergies to the garden, that’s all.”

“Bullshit,” Alya crosses her arms over her chest, having been the one to spot Marinette sneaking into the venue in a state of disarray, “What did Adrien say to you?”

“It’s not…” Marinette bites her lips as Juleka smooths a makeup brush over her skin, carefully erasing any sign of her teardrops, “He tried to apologize and I...I kind of unloaded on him.”

Alya sighs, “Girl, I love you, but can you please keep it together for the next few minutes, at least? I was having a panic over here when you didn’t show up.”

“I’m so sorry,” Marinette steels herself and allows Juleka to continue fixing her face, closing her eyes to centre herself. She has to focus on Alya right now, not her pesky feelings. She could do that for her best friend; she owed her that much, “I promise, I’m fine now. I think I just needed to get that off my chest.”

“Good,” Alya exhales before cupping her palms to her mouth, “Marinette’s here! We’re all good to get started.”

“Oh, thank god,” Joséphine and Sophie sigh in relief as they peek around the corner, “I’ll let the officiant know we can get started.”

Rose helps Juleka collect her things and sets them to the side, straightening her gown as Juleka follows her out towards the hallway. Marinette follows suit beside Alya and fiddles with her veil several times before fluffing it upwards just so. It drapes down to her waist perfectly and Marinette deftly arranges the train of her dress before coming up to stand in front of her, “You’re all ready.”

“Thanks, girl,” Alya smiles, giving her best friend one last big hug before the ceremony begins.

As the music starts to fill the picturesque venue, Ella and Etta make their way down the aisle first alongside Nino’s younger brother Noël and his closest cousin Alexandre. As the two couples split to their respective sides, Juleka and Rose follow suit, tossing rose petals in their wake. Rose had been adamant that there be a flower girl in the wedding despite not having any children in the party and took on the role with feverish delight.

Nora walks next, side by side with one of Nino’s best friends in the music business, and then Joséphine and Sophie join the fray with Nino’s collaborator and producer respectively. Marinette holds her breath, both entranced by the scene in front of her and horrified at what’s about to come.

Marinette takes her place at the beginning of the aisle, still as a statue. Adrien walks up beside her and holds out his elbow for her to take, which she does with all the finesse of a rusted robot before they start their slow, mechanical walk down the aisle.

“You look beautiful, by the way,” he whispers, his voice barely audible as the music begins to swell.

Marinette squeaks a brief thank you, her back ramrod straight.

“And I know this isn’t the right time but…” his voice trails off, his model smile still plastered to his face as he speaks to her like a ventriloquist, “There’s only two people who know Chat Noir is back in town and I have a feeling they're both in this room."

~

“Welcome to Alya and Nino, and to all your friends who have gathered here together this afternoon...” the officiant begins as everyone sits, their eyes glued to the gorgeous couple at the centre of it all. Marinette desperately tries to focus except Adrien is staring intently at her from the other side of the room, his lips mouthing something she can’t quite ascertain.

And then it clicks.

I’m sorry for leaving you, M’Lady.

“We are all here in this glorious celebration of Nino and Alya's unconditional love for one another…”

What?! Marinette mouths back, blinking repeatedly. She must be dreaming and this is all just a very elaborate hallucination based on her imagination of what’s going to happen at Alya’s wedding tomorrow and she’ll wake up in just a minute—

I’m Chat Noir! And you’re Ladybug!

There’s no way this can be happening. There’s literally, absolutely, positively no way—

“...and today we remember that a wedding between two people is a heartfelt and meaningful ceremony that represents…”

No you’re not!

Adrien’s eyes widen with worry, his expression pale, I am! And I’m sorry that I—

“Alright, enough is enough,” Alya announces, spinning around to glare at her maid of honour and her future husband's best man, “If you have something you need to say to each other, you need to spit it out right now!”

The crowd gasps, then begins to murmur as Adrien leaps from his place beside the altar to run over to Marinette, “I have spent one thousand, four hundred and twenty three days regretting the choice I made to leave Paris because it meant leaving you. I never should have—”

Marinette finally finds her voice, “Am I getting this right? You’re apologizing in the middle of Alya and Nino’s wedding to tell me, to say to me—” Marinette flings her arms into the air, “I can’t believe you’re doing this right now!”

“If you had just let me talk to you—”

“Don't get all self-righteous with me,” Marinette counters back, embarrassed beyond all belief, “Because you have no one but yourself to blame.”

“I know, which is why I’m trying to apologize now that I have the whole picture—”

“The whole picture?! If you hadn’t just dumped me and gone off to some foreign land, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation!”

Their audience gasps. The photographer drops his camera.

“Hey, hey, wait a minute! I had to leave Paris. When my father found out I had applied to universities behind his back, he personally called up every single one of them and told them that I was prohibited from ever getting a post secondary degree while I was living under his roof. My job — my only job — was to model for Gabriel, so I had no choice! The only way to secretly get an education was to move to the Haus of Gabriel in Shanghai under the guise that I wanted to use my modelling as a way to further the brand overseas!”

“So you…” Marinette flounders, her indignance and guilt warring against each other, “You left because of that?”

“I didn’t want to leave, Marinette,” he pleads with her, his flushed cheeks and watering eyes revealing just how sorry he is, “But I had to. He had taken everything from me. I wasn’t even allowed to leave the house once I graduated, except to say goodbye to all of you.”

“But…”

“And every Christmas I came back to try and find you. Everyday, I’d go out looking for you. I’d call you but you’d never answer. I left notes. I did everything because I was crazy enough to think that you would be waiting for me.”

“I—”

“And every January, I’d go back to China feeling like an idiot. I’d lost the love of my life, the woman I’d loved for years and all because I couldn’t handle being used as a pawn in my father’s business. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to come back and find you, until I did this week and—”

“Sorry, can I just...can I just butt in?”

Marinette and Adrien turn away from each other to gawk at Alya.

“If you’re talking about what I think you’re talking about — and judging by your faces, you are — I just want you to know that while I’m furious with the the two of you for interrupting my wedding day, I really, really, really want the two of you to work this out because I wouldn’t be anywhere without you guys and I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this under our noses this whole time!”

The lightbulb ignites above Nino’s head after Alya briefly whispers something in his ear, “Dudes! Dudes! Oh my god!”

“You took the words right out of my mouth, babe,” Alya grins, tugging insistently on her fiancé’s shoulder as he continues to freak out, “Look, you have our blessings, but can we please get on with this? I really want to get married!”

Red faced and humiliated beyond her wildest dreams, Marinette gathers herself. Adrien scampers over to the other side of the aisle and tries desperately to keep it together except he can’t stop looking at her, his fingers itching to reach out and touch. How the hell is this happening? And how is he going to ever earn her forgiveness now that they both know who they truly are?

“I have loved you for so long, Adrien! And I loved Chat Noir too, with all my heart, even if I never got the chance to tell him.”

Her words echo over and over again in his ears like an enchantment, tugging him further and further under her spell. She loves him! Both sides of him! She’s loved him all of this time! There’s still a chance!

“Alya, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Today, I vow to love you and hold you in my arms as long as we both shall live.”

“Nino, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Today, I vow to love you and support you as long as we both shall live.”

Marinette begins to tear up again except this time, she’s not sure if it’s because of the wedding or him.

“Nino, please place this ring on Alya’s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife for now, forever and always.”

Sliding her wedding band up her middle finger, Nino gives the love of his life an everlasting smile, “With this ring, I take you to be my lawfully wedded wife for now, forever and always.”

“Alya, please place this ring on Nino’s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband for now, forever and always.”

Vibrating with barely contained glee, Alya returns the favour, “With this ring, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband for now, forever and always.”

The officiant, relieved that there were no other spontaneous distractions, raises his head in exultation, “Now that you have dedicated yourselves to each other with your vows and the giving and receiving of rings in front of all who have assembled here, it is with great pleasure that I may now pronounce you husband and wife!”

The party roars, cheering and crying from their pews as Nino hoists his wife into the air and spins her around, “You may now seal your vows with a kiss!”

The rest of the ceremony passes in a blur of movement. The wedding party follows Alya and Nino as they parade back down the aisle, dancing and skipping and partying down the stairs and into the gorgeous garden courtyard where the photographer has already set up his equipment. Marinette stumbles into autopilot as she directs the wait staff to deliver hors d'oeuvres and specialty cocktails she had created specifically based on the couple. The Alya Punch was a blood orange margarita while the Nino Spritz was a twist on a gin and tonic, with a little orange zing.

She’s almost gotten herself completely distracted by the revelry when a strong pair of arms snag her by the waist and lead her into a shaded alcove on the edge of the courtyard.

“Did you mean what you said before?” Adrien asks, his heart racing, “Have you really been in love with Chat Noir and I all this time?”

Marinette hesitates, shaken and stunned, “I never stopped. And I hate myself for it.”

“What?” Adrien reels back as if he’s been slapped, “Why?”

“Because for four long years, I fought with an imaginary ghost by my side. I could never forget you, even if I wanted to. And I did. I tried everyday to get over you. I worked eighteen hour days and fought akumas and gave up on my dreams so that I could do what needed to be done.”

“I’m so sorry,” Adrien rubs his hands over his cheeks and eyes, “I never should have left you without an explanation.”

“You couldn’t tell me without exposing your identity,” Marinette concedes, sagging against the stone alcove they were hiding in, “I just...I thought you were going to be gone for a semester, not an entire university degree.”

“I wanted to do something more with myself…” he trails off, glancing down at his shoes, “And I knew that if I didn’t take the opportunity when it presented itself, I would have lost it forever. My father still has no idea I have a degree in Science and Engineering. I was even accepted for my Masters in Architectural Design this past May.”

Something poisonous shatters in her heart, “So you’ll be going back to Shanghai after this?”

Somehow, Adrien begins to appear even smaller than he already feels, “Sunday night. Just long enough to be ghosted by my father for dinner.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The air cools uncomfortably between them, “Well, then I guess there isn’t really anything else to say.”

“What?”

Marinette finally gains the courage to look up at him, “You’re going back to Shanghai and I’m staying here to hopefully finish off what we started here together. I can never leave or travel or live my life so long as Le Papillon continues to terrorize Paris. And that’s all there is to it.”

“I…”

“The only ‘I’ in this team is me, Chat Noir,” Marinette says, straightening out the wrinkles in her dress with all of the grim determination of a woman who’s falling apart on the inside, “Please, don’t make this harder than it is.”

He snags her wrist as she goes to leave, “Wait, Marinette! There has to be something I can do—”

“There’s nothing you can do,” she levels with him, her words scraping like shards of glass on her tongue, “Goodbye Adrien. I wish you all the luck in the world on your Master’s degree and I hope you find your freedom and a great job out there. You’ve always been a good person and you deserve to have a happy life.”

She tugs her arm free and steps back into the sunlight to take her place beside the rest of the wedding party.

She doesn’t look back.

~

When All Is Said And Done

The wedding reception goes off without a hitch.

Everything is glorious. The food is divine and everyone is taking part in the generous libations being poured. The music is blasting through the speakers and everyone is dancing to the beat with their partners and their friends in a celebration of love. Marinette supervises from the sidelines and makes sure all of the gifts are accounted for, still too embarrassed to socialise much after completely humiliating herself in front of everyone during the ceremony.

As the clock strikes midnight, Nino raises his glass in the air and calls for everyone’s attention, “Here's to us and to everyone here who came out to celebrate! Let’s have one more toast!”

The party cheers and raises their glasses, downing them all in one go.

And with that, the party is over. Guests trickle out of the venue slowly, calling Ubers to get them home. Marinette leaves the wedding favours to Rose and Juleka and collects the decorations as fast as she’s able to. Her feet are aching and she kicks off her shoes, skirting around each and every table to grab centrepieces and the like. She’s nearly finished when she spots the source of her agony by the door, helping Sophie cart off the wedding gifts to the room they’d rented upstairs.

Her chest aches. It really does feel like goodbye now. After tonight, she would never see him again. She’d delete his number and stop following him on Instagram and TikTok. She would stop torturing herself with imaginary conversations as she leaps through the night searching for akumas and fighting bad guys. Weddings were a symbol of love and a symbol of new beginnings and this was about as close as she’d ever be able to get at having a fresh start.

With her head held high, she hops in her parent’s bakery van and listens to the gentle hum of the engine as she sits silently in the passenger side, her father’s fingertips on the steering wheel a good enough lullaby as anything. Her mom helps her out of her dress and she retreats for the night, feeling the heaviness of the day slip from her shoulders. 

She would have time to mourn tomorrow. 

~

And she does mourn for a few days. She cries into her pillow as Sunday turns to Monday. She watches Adrien’s Instagram story about getting back on the plane before unfollowing him and then cries some more, her eyes red and itchy from the overwhelming deluge of emotions four years in the making purging from her soul. 

She laughs through her tears as Alya and Nino tag her in TikToks of their vacation adventures in Spain, travelling from Barcelona to Valencia to Ibiza. Watching Nino cringe as he chews on the black pudding tapas is certainly a highlight, especially when Sophie gifs it and turns it into a meme that blows up once she uses it in a Buzzfeed article. 

When Marinette eventually gets to Kagami’s feed, her eyes nearly bulge out of her skull. Somehow, Luka (of all people!) had convinced her to travel to Los Angeles for a mini vacation and he was trying to teach her how to surf. She's obviously a natural at it and by the time Marinette checks all of their Instagram stories again, Kagami is weaving through the waves like a pro.

For everyone else, things are looking up.

And eventually, things would start to look up for her too.

By Tuesday, Marinette gets out of bed and stays out, turning on her sewing machine for the first time since before the wedding. Glancing at her email that had somehow been filled with commission requests over the weekend, Marinette feels a little like she’s standing at a crossroad and this time, she has no desire to run.

With her scissors in hand, she turns towards her fabric collection and feels a genuine smile pull at her lips as she gets to work on the first of three bridesmaids dresses for Joséphine. They would be powder pink and cocktail length, the perfect look for a lighthearted springtime celebration beneath the cherry blossoms.

She could go job hunting later. There’s no hurry anymore now that all is said and done.

READ PART 6 HERE!

[stonerbughead]

Maria watches friday night lights (#33)

I’m back, I’m back! So here’s what happened...I watched 5x10 on October 1, never edited my note about it, then ended up taking an inadvertent break from watching until now. Idk why, but i needed a break from like...watching tv i hadn’t seen before. Anyone else have that habit of watching things you’ve already seen when you’re going through an anxious period? Starting a new job in the same month as the 2020 presidential election fit the bill, and i wanted to really immerse myself in the final three episodes of this amazing show properly so i decided to wait until i was feeling it! Anyway to the like three people who enjoy my recaps, i hope you enjoy these last four recaps.

So without further ado, aforementioned Oct 1 recap, now edited and underneath the cut:

5x10 yoooo I have never been so amused by Buddy Garrity in my life + TIM so here we go:

TIM RIGGINS RETURNS?! Yay!!! (This is my reaction just from seeing him in the “previously on.”)

Eric’s getting recruited at a ~fancy~ restaurant! Oh shitttt

“That, right there, marks the end of the East Dillon Lions football program led by Coach Eric Taylor.” “...It’s a crate of oranges.” “Yeah, and it’s from the sunshine state. From Florida! And that can only mean one thing—year round sunshine and college funding.” Lmao alarmist Buddy is hilarious and actually not wrong here. Lol incredulous Levi: “you got all that from a crate of oranges?!”

#OperationGetTimOut!! Is Eric going to speak for him as a character witness?

I *knew* that phone call from Oklahoma Tech wasn’t gonna be good. Ohhhhh Vince you should’ve listened to Eric~~~

Oh shit everyone’s buzzing about “losing their kingmaker” and it’s playoff time! Love a good car radio scene. “So how was it honey, are we moving to Florida?” Lol

“Dad, maybe we should just talk to Coach. I need to be focused on this game on Friday night, getting my spot back.” Yes Vince stand up for yourself, take a break from those meetings! I am fearful of his dad’s true reaction tho.

“Expelling Epyck, that was a good start.” Omfg some of these teachers are too cruel! That is a severely traumatized child, ma’am!

“Impromptu speeches...” “Impromptu means not planned, Buddy.” “Okay, then promptu.” I’M LIVING for these Buddy and Levi interactions omg hilarious.

“A man can’t leave if you erect a statue in his honor.” “A plaque?” “You got money for that?!” I cannot omfgggg Levi and Buddy should take this show on the road!

Tami’s “Oh Levi you are too much.” That’s a nice way to say “fuck you” for making her take a personal day to go speak on a panel he TOLD her she’s speaking at? Smh this is why staff needs unions.

Lmao Buddy is being so extra with Eric, I can’t

...and enter Billy, here to ask Eric a favor...

“Tim Riggins? One of the best fullbacks in the great state of Texas? The boy my girl fell in love with? Yeah I’ll do that.” Damn Buddy has a crush on Tim Riggins too!! I get it dude same.

“I believe in loyalty, Billy. Sticking with your people, through good and bad.” SO EXTRA LMAO

“Hey coach you going to Florida?” “I was planning on going home and I suggest you do too, Tinker.” Ugh poor Eric having to deal with all of these rumors and the team being endlessly curious right before the playoffs!

Awww Tami’s excited about the Florida houses. “Three years with a two year option.” Damn. Aw the way that Eric looks at Tami and you know he wants to give her everything she wants 🥺

Omggg now Buddy is making the players talk up Eric Taylor 😂 his scheming truly kills me

Becky and Luke tossing a football, so precious!

Ah, there’s more to life than college football, Luke! “No one wants me.” “I want you.” Aww Becky.

Aw Billy is getting so frustrated trying to write his speech for Tim. “It sounds ridiculous.” “No it doesn’t. You’re a good brother.” Oh Mindy 🥺 fuck prisonssss he should not feel like his words have so much bearing on his brother’s literal freedom!

Yes to Vince going to Eric and agreeing to earn his way back! That’s the Vince we know and love!

I love Eric telling Tami about Tim’s parole hearing. “You going to do it?” “You bet i’m going to do it.” My heart! The way there’s no question about it 🥺

Andddd Vince’s dad predictably refuses to let up with the recruiters. But this time Vince is standing up to him!

Yesss Vince, walk away! Especially after his dad yelled at him like that; this is not your life, it’s Vince’s!

“Don’t whack her. Just a little love tap.” LMAO Luke, Tinker, Becky, and a pig. Luke is giving Tinker pageant advice for Tinker at a competition with the pig?? I can’t, that’s weirdly so cute. Becky clearly finds it cute.

Omg Tim in his all-white prison uniform I HATE THISSS

OMGGGG “I don’t want Billy to speak, he’s done enough damage.” Fuck this is gonna fuck Billy UP. But also fair...I mean, Billy DOES tend to be a fuck up?? Isn’t that how we got here?

Yessss Tami going off explaining that standardized testing isn’t the end all be all!!

“what would you have us do, meet with every kind in the state?” “Yes I would.” to a round of applause. GO OFF QUEEN TAMI TAYLOR

Yes Coach Taylor! Give us one of your epic speeches!

Poor Tim looks like he has a lot of self hatred sitting here listening to Eric talking about him 🥺

“I asked him to be an assistant coach because of his character off the field.” YES

lol Buddy Garrity getting up to speak even tho he’s not on the list 🤣

“He’s like family to me.” OH BUDDYYYY he’s coming through with a full time job for Tim when he comes out?????? Tim’s smile of relief.

“It’s time for you to let Tim Riggins come home.” YESSSSS

AW Tim sent Eric letters from prison?? My poor babe. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit more.” “I’m sorry I let you down.” “You didn’t and that’s not why I’m here.” IM EMOTIONAL

Holy shit Vince’s dad is STILL not letting up? “I’m your father. I know what’s right.” “that is enough! Get off his back!” “He needs a father, not an agent!” YES REGINA GO OFFFFF she finally snapped!

(It’s wild how Coach possibly leaving is being used in this fight in Vince’s family. Oh, Dillon!)

Oh shit Billy is yelling at both Becky and Mindy, clearly very affected by what Tim said at his parole hearing. “You did everything you could and that makes all the difference.” Aww Mindy, and Billy apologized! Too much stress for such a young family! Also unrelated but Mindy looks mad hot for the athletic banquet.

Awww I love getting to see the other teams stand up. Yeah cross country, yes girls volleyball!!!

Man, playing a sport in Texas that’s not football must suck, look at that insane applause for football vs. weak for everyone else

Buddy giving Gracie a lil t-shirt and saying, “clear eyes, full hearts...you know it?” And they’re all like “can’t...lose” and Gracie giggles! Ok that’s cute af

Omg the tension between Jess and Vince!! “Jess, I miss you. I miss you.” 🥺 aw yeah she blew him off for her brothers

Wow they made it to the playoffs for the first time in 25 years?? Well here comes Buddy’s All Hail Eric Taylor pageant. Lmao

Awww these heartfelt addresses from the team members on how much Eric Taylor has changed their lives??? Manipulative, Buddy, really. He knows what he’s doing.

Yesss Eric, give Tami that massage. See y’all, this is what being a good man looks like.

“It had the desired effect. It sure made you think twice about leaving Dillon.” “It’s a hell of an offer. I’d own that building. They have funding.” “Mmm and oranges. Don’t forget about oranges.” “Mmm that pool.” They wanna leave.

“You know what I want more than anything right now? I wanna bring these boys to state.” “I know you do.” “They deserve it.” “I know they do. But after you do that, this offer is something to think about. Because you deserve that.” Ugh I know I say it a lot but since we’re in the final four episodes now and I’m mostly talking into the void anyway — god, what a model of a wonderful and gentle and loving and communicative marriage! I am continually floored!

Becky with cowboy boots at Luke’s farm works. And ooh Luke’s mom said hi to her?? Progress!!

Aw they’re talking about how pretty they find Luke’s farm as he tries to imagine a future here in Dillon. “I have an amazing imagination. I see your next game, and you’re winning.” Awww Becky is such a cute girlfriend.

What a cute shot of Luke and Becky on the farm, “you ever think you could imagine living on a farm?” “Sure.” AWWW

Vince at Eric’s door on game day?!!! He’s asking Eric not to take the offer to Shane State when he’s supposed to already be at the field house!?!

“Having you as a coach is one of the best things to happen to me. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Either in jail or in a ditch somewhere.” Damn forget Buddy this shit is from the HEART

Eric tells him to get in the damn car and tells him he’s starting!! “You know what your problem is? You ask too many damn questions.”

AHHHHH TIM IS HOME! Showered in a flannel! My heart! He salutes Becky with a beer!

Aww Billy is so excited to have his brother home.

It seems uneasy in the home. Coming back from prison is hard.

And here they go, heading onto the bus with signs and cheers!

“I’ll tell you, this is an away game, but you look around here at the community tonight and the young players that I have playing for me, and the character they got—no matter where this community goes, that’s home.”

Damn Eric just announced he was planning to stay home in Dillon to the press. “you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” says Tami. “I love you.” and with the FNL theme song playing aghkliyb I’m not ready for the final three episodes ahhh!!!

[shinadog]

Alright, here’s my first attempt at writing something Yakuza related - inspired by a freakin nightmare I had, here’s MOB! It’s a multi-chapter plot oriented story based on an alternate ending for Yakuza 5 (so be careful, it will spoil that game).

Summary : Something happened after Haruka’s concert.

PART 1 - The Crowd

The crowd was completely silent as the girl spoke.

No one really knew how to react - how could they? This is not what they wanted to hear. They came here tonight (they paid an exorbitant price for a ticket, for the right to stand in a pit with hundreds of others) for one thing only. To hear a trio of teenagers sing about love, dreams, and all kinds of other nice things. Not to have one of said teenagers make a heartfelt but ultimately uncomfortable speech about…

About what, by the way?

The fact that she, Haruka Sawamura, was now standing on a stage, something most people would KILL for, and that it wasn't what she wanted? That the beautiful moment she had lived tonight just wasn't good enough for her. That she wanted to go back home. To her family.

When she started to explain what she meant by family is when she really started to ruin the mood, though.

It's not that the people in the crowd were cruel.

If you asked them "can a former yakuza turn over a new leaf and raise a kid", they'd probably say yes. If you asked them outside of an idol concert that was now pretty much ruined, that is. For some reason, hearing that girl talk about her love for her criminal of an adopted father didn’t sound as reasonable when she was standing on a stage and the crowd was standing beneath her, forced to listen. Forced to realize the perfect little picture they had in their mind, the cute upbeat innocent girl who came here to sing nice songs and thank them for their attention, never existed.

They felt cheated, somehow.

Still, they said nothing. There were a few whispers here and there, some questions asked a bit louder, but other than that, Haruka bowed down and left the stage in an unnerving silence. Her two co-stars eventually left too, and for a moment, the crowd was lost.

Was this it?

That was the moment people were starting to show the first signs of agitation. When the crowd started to feel less quiet. As the staff started to get them to leave, apologizing profusely, more and more people were starting to object. They paid to be here, to spend a nice wholesome moment, and all they got left with was this vague feeling of disappointment. Worse than that, they felt betrayed.

That girl practically told them, to their faces, than this dream, being an idol and having the incredible chance to perform at the Japan Dome, an once in a lifetime opportunity, wasn't good enough for her.

That's not how it was supposed to go.

The crowd was lost.

Eventually, they had to move. Hundreds and hundreds of angry, upset people walking into each other to get out of here. A human wave, grumbling and complaining about how short and ultimately upsetting that whole experience had been.

But they were reasonable, well adjusted citizens, after all. They would leave without making a fuss. Go back home, make some angry social media messages about the concert and move on.

That would have been nice. Reasonable.

Instead of that, the crowd ran into a fleeing girl who, like them, was trying to get out of here.

There was an awful moment when they stared at each other. The idol and her fans. The girl who rejected them and the angry people who felt as if they had been personally betrayed by someone they loved. Someone they swore they knew.

It wasn't clear who started it.

Who threw the first punch.

Who pushed who.

Who first started to run.

When the crowd of reasonable, civilized music enthusiasts became a mob.

When instead of cutesy pop tunes, the air was now filled with the screams of people being caught in the stampede.

No matter how it happened, in an instant, chaos had erupted. The mob was a loud angry wave now, crashing into itself, stomping mercilessly on the poor souls who had the misfortune to fall.

When asked about it, later, well after the dust had settled, people who had been part of the mob will say they don't know what happened. They'll say they were scared - and they were. The threat of being crushed by other people in the absolute chaos of it all had been terrifying. They'll say they were sad that it happened. That the girl didn't deserve that.

They'll never admit they felt a self righteous anger that almost turned them into monsters.

After all, they were well-adjusted, normal people.

******************

Kiryu was not smart.

A smart man wouldn't have run to fight some asshole all on his own after being shot and punched a bunch of times, only to collapse in the snow like a moron trying to get back to home. Hell, a smart man wouldn't have joined the yakuza at 16 just to run after the respect and love of the man he wanted to call father. And, of course, a smart man wouldn't have been convinced to abandon his family so that his child could become a pop star.

While he wasn't smart, Kiryu had a good instinct. He knew when something was up, deep in his gut. So when he woke up in a hospital bed, his whole body screaming as the pain woke up with him, he knew. Something was wrong.

Not because of the pain. That, he expected. He had no idea how long he had been out, but it hadn't been long enough to heal, that much was certain. Every muscle in his body felt sore, and the burning ache where he had been shot was still there. If Kiryu had to guess, he'd say he wasn't unconscious for more than four days. Not that he cared about that right now. What he wanted to know was why he woke up with this feeling of dread. With an alarm blaring in his head, warning him that something was wrong. It might have had something to do with the friendly yet incredibly worried faces in front of him.

Saejima, standing with his arms crossed near the room's door, and Akiyama, sitting on a chair near the end of his bed, were both staring back at him, stuck in an uncharacteristic silence. It was especially jarring for Akiyama, who had opened his mouth when Kiryu had turned his head in his direction, closing it just as quickly, as if he didn't know what to say.

Kiryu frowned.

Then all the things that were wrong with this scene struck him at once.

The way Saejima was standing, stiff and tense, completely still even as their eyes met.

The small "fuck" that finally escaped Akiyama's mouth, and the way he immediately stared at the door, as if he was hoping for some needed interruption.

The wrinkled clothes, still covered in blood in places, that both men were wearing and the heavy bags under their eyes, as if they had been up for days.

The fact that they were the only two people in that room, when Kiryu remembered separating from three companions on that fateful night.

The blurry memory of a man making the promise he'd protect his daughter. A man who was not here today.

The horrible realization that Haruka was not here, either.

And, finally, the fact that the heavy, oppressive silence was still here as his brain painfully connected the dots.

"What happened?"

All things considered, his voice didn't sound as weak and shaky as he would have expected. It wasn't his usual voice, though, it was tainted by the panic that was now compressing his chest, making it sound way less threatening than usual. Maybe it was weak and shaky, after all.

He was met with more silence, and it both scared and angered him.

"Shit, he woke up?"

Majima's head poking through the open door startled him.

Not that being startled by Majima was anything special. The man had found many ways to surprise him through the years, and hearing his shrill voice was usually enough to make Kiryu brace himself for whatever was coming for him. He was less of a wildcard these days, sure, but Kiryu had learned it never hurt to be on his guard anyway.

Still, Majima's sudden appearance in the room wasn't what made him suddenly straighten up in his bed, ignoring his body's complaints. No, it was the way his expression shifted as their eyes met. That weird horrified look, one he never saw in that lone eye, as Majima dragged himself inside the room, closing the door behind him - now THAT was startling.

"What the FUCK happened?"

Alright, so his voice was definitely shaking. It wasn't weak anymore though, he had pretty much roared that question, trying to get up despite the pain being hard to ignore by now. He was a mess. He didn't care, he needed some kind of answer. Akiyama’s hand was on his shoulder, he wasn't sure when that happened. When he spoke, the man's voice sounded lower than usual, and that hushed tone did nothing to calm him down.

"We can talk later, that's the first time in eight days you've been truly awake, maybe you should take it slow."

Eight days, huh. Not the four days he imagined earlier, but still not his worst. It didn't tell him what happened while he was out to make everyone stare at him like that. Kiryu had been awake for what felt like minutes and no one had done anything to give him an answer. Which only made the alarm in his head blare louder.

He strained his neck to look at Saejima across the room, still motionless:

"Saejima, please."

Kiryu wasn't sure why he was singling him out. And if the way the man raised his eyebrows was any indication, Saejima was surprised to hear him call for him, too. Maybe it was because both Akiyama and Majima were already starting to tell him to calm down and consider going back to sleep, the former mumbling something about fetching a doctor. Maybe it was because he had the feeling Saejima wouldn't lie to him.

Eventually, the tall yakuza made a few steps to stand near the end of the bed, his expression unreadable as he started:

"Our plan mostly worked, but-"

"Where is Haruka?"

Kiryu thought he could let him talk - he wanted too, even, but the second he had started explaining, he had to interrupt. He had to know. Saejima looked at the others for what felt like an eternity, and finally-

"She's alive."

No one in the history of the world had ever said "she is alive" to talk about someone who was safe and sound. He couldn't have picked a more worrying wording if he had tried. Kiryu focused on the man in front of him, ignoring once more his exhausted body begging for him to at least lay down again.

When Saejima started talking again, he didn't dare interrupt this time, horror taking over with each words:

"The concert, uh, it happened. Shinada got the shooter, and we took care of shit at the Millenium Tower too."

Kiryu couldn't care less about the events at the Millenium Tower. If he had to guess, he'd say Majima and Saejima had to fight, maybe even fight each other, as they were sporting a variety of bruises. All he wanted was to know what went down at the Japan Dome.

"At the end of that one song, Haruka, she…" Saejima took a deep breath, and Kiryu swore his heart had stopped. " She made a speech. ‘bout ya. Said she wanted to go back home and stop the whole singing thing."

Uh.

That wasn’t really what Kiryu had expected. Months ago, he would have been overjoyed to hear those words. Days ago, even. But right now ? All he could hear was the voice in his head yelling that it wasn’t right, that something terrible had happened. He managed to mouth a small "...and ?", urging the other to continue.

At this point, Saejima looked as if each word was costing him a lot. Kiryu would have felt sorry for him if he wasn’t on the verge of having a bloody heart attack. Majima must have felt his brother’s distress, because he eventually took a step to get closer to the bed :

"The concert got to an end, people were pretty pissed about it, and Haruka, she just ran away. Tried to come get ya."

"It’s my fault." Akiyama blurted, looking more serious than Kiryu had ever seen him. " I’m the one who called her. To tell her you left for HQ and that we didn’t know what happened there. I’m so fucking sorry."

Asking "sorry for what" was on Kiryu’s mind, but somehow he didn’t manage to form those words – there was a heavy lump in his throat by now, and he felt so tired that he was afraid he was going to faint before those fuckers finally spit out the truth.

It eventually came, from Majima, his voice horribly serious for once, deeper and full of pity, which Kiryu realized was awfully scary to hear :

"When she got out, she ran into some folks from the audience, and a fight broke out."

"It was more like a stampede than a fight," Saejima added, contempt in his voice. "Those stupid motherfuckers just started running and they crushed everything in their way."

Kiryu was finding it harder and harder to focus on what was being said. Or to picture what happened. Or to just stay awake at all. He knew his body enough to know that he was about to drop and sleep for a couple more days, and he knew that he couldn’t. Not before he knew-

"Four dead and too many wounded to count."

He blinked. He wasn’t even sure who had said that. Akiyama, maybe. Kiryu somehow didn’t register a voice, just a number. And the word "dead" ringing in his ears. Saejima said she was alive, he told himself. She is alive. Four poor fuckers were dead, but she was alive. She had to be.

"Haruka ?" He asked, his own voice sounding like it came from far, far away. He was really starting to lose it, he was out of time-

"The mob got to her before any staff member could react, she was already outside and there was too many fucking people…" This time he was certain it was Akiyama’s talking. Probably. The scene was getting pretty blurry, by now. Words had mostly stopped making sense, but he still listened. "By the time they got her out of here she… She had been through a lot."

"She’s in a coma right now. Doctors said her vitals are good, she has a good shot at waking up"

The word "coma" still made sense.

In fact, it made so much sense that it made all the blurry noise surrounding his senses disappear, leaving him with nothing but dread.

Dread and stupid, impulsive anger, of course.

He got up.

Well, he tried to.

He almost managed to put one foot on the ground before Saejima shoved him back in the bed, humiliatingly easily. "Don’t fucking do that. I know it ain’t easy but you need to calm down."

"I need to see her."

"We’ll go once you’re strong enough." Akiyama said, his hand uselessly pressed on his shoulder, as if Saejima needed any help to keep him pinned on the bed. "Date is with her right now, so she isn’t alone. It’s probably better if we wait a bit, she’s… It’s a lot to take in."

You don’t fucking say, he wanted to shout.

"This isn’t how it was supposed to go..." Kiryu heard himself say, his voice breaking slightly, before a new spike of anger made it get louder. " Where the fuck was Shinada while all that shit was going on ? He said he’d protect her !"

"Well, when it started getting bad he did try to find a way through the crowd, but…" Saejima shook his head, looking more tired than ever. "It was an angry crowd, Kiryu, I’m sure he did his best, but it was too much. No one could have done anything."

Kiryu is vaguely aware that he kept talking after that. That he said Shinada was still alive after being pretty much crushed by the stampede, and that he was in a room somewhere in the hospital.

He didn’t care, though.

No one could have done anything.

The last thing Kiryu thought of as he passed out was that HE could have done something.

No angry crowd could have stopped him. He was certain of it.

He could have prevented this.

He should have.

[espejonight28738]

15×09 "The Trap" Meta

Warning: As always, Destiel and Saileen positive so don't like don't read.

OMG guys I can't even this episode was something else. Like, for real.

First of all, it looks like I was right about Eileen being part of Chuck's plan.

"I helping to Sam the Bunker. To Sam. To Romance." Thanks Chuck for proving me right, but if you could please not hurt my baby Eileen and Sam while you do it would be awesome ;-;

Now if only I could be in the right about the happy ending...

But whatever. Let's talk about the prayer first, because I could talk about it for hours. Everything was so wonderful.

First, when Dean looks he only have 29 minutes left to find Cas, you could see all the trauma resourfaced. You could see how he was imagining ending up without Cas again. Having to go back home (although he didn't seem to be going to the portal when right before he found Cas, but I have no certainty about it) and leave Cas behind, and he imagined himself reliving the guilt and the hallucinations and the hopelessness.

[Gif by the amazing @agusvedder because I want you to look at him and tell me that ain't the look of a man who just imagined losing the love of his life again]

And, above all, Dean imagined having to live through it all knowing he never fixed their relationship. Rowena's words about not waiting until it was too late must have been ringing in his ears. And he knows that he needs Cas to know.

Purgatory's pureness gave him a new understanding of his emotions, and I'm not talking about the anger (it's obvious Dean already knew he had that problem), but the need for Cas.

"Cas, buddy, I need you." That same need, mixed with the possibility of losing Cas yet once again was enough for Dean to just break down in the middle of a land of abominations.

And the first thing he says. "I should've stopped you." Can you see how he is telling us we were right all along? Cas said "I left but you didn't stop me." And now Dean knows he could have.

If he had tried to talk, if he had asked Cas to stay, maybe he wouldn't have left. Dean put himself through that depression (the even heavier drinking, comfort food, the coldness) .

[And as an author note. How was that real? "You didn't stop me/I should've stop you" The Brontë sisters WISH they could write that levels of angsty romance.]

And, having Dean finally admitting to his very real anger issues gives me very high hopes for everything else. It's not like his problem will disappear, it does was kinda beaten into him, but having him admitting it is recognizing it as a standing problem between Dean and a Happy Future, so we can assume that will be another one of the problem they'll tackle in the rest of the season.

(Or maybe they'll forget about it. But s15 has been so good until now that I'm hoping they won't ignore it.)

And Dean calling Cas his best friends. Holy mother of God. I know I made several jokes about it, but it truly is so significant. Because words like "Family" and "Brother (and sister for Charlie)" are ones Dean had given other people. But Best Friend is only for Cas, it puts him in a special place in Dean's live no one else shares.

Maybe it's not exactly the place we want him to be in (yet), but the fact alone that they recognize once again how Dean and Cas' relationship is different to the one they have with anyone else.

So when did found Cas and said "Okay, Cas, I need to say something", I agree we wasn't about to repeat his prayer.

The Prayer (the fact that Dean got on his damn knees, for god's sake) was a moment of absolute vulnerability and emotion. Dean grew up in with a "no emotions" mentality tought to him by John, and so we seldom see him show this kind of raw vulnerability by choice. Considering that the Winchesters (as always, I include Jack and Cas in there) are an experts in 'I screw up and you got angry but then we had a bigger problem so we kinda left it behind us bc we are family and I love you anyway, or we just move on without never really discussing it' but not in actually apologizing, I would go as far as to say this was probably the most heartfelt apologize we've seen in the series.

I've watched the scene like a million times, and he just carries an attitude of doing something big. Like a big reveal, not like repiting himself.

Because he knew Cas heard him. The reason he said "I hope you can here me, that wherever you are, it's not too late" it's 'cause he was afraid Cas had died. That is was really too late. Once he saw Cas was alive? I don't think Dean doubted for a second Cas had heard him. He was hoing to say something else.

Cas clearly didn't want to take the risk of Dean telling him what he truly wanted to hear- what he had wanted for years. The risk of his deal with the Empty hovering behind hime. He couldn't be so selfish as allowing himself to hear it, just to abandon Dean right after.

Then Cas interrupted him.

Or abandoning Sam when he was at God's mercy, or leaving the World SavingTM to them. He couldn't. Dean doesn't even now about the deal.

I cannot tell you how much I loved it. Not in a "I want this to happen" way, of course not, but in what it means.

That's why Dabb said this episode wasn't the resolution. There's still much unsaid between them, if you believe there is an 'I love you' somewhere there. I think that's what has my hopes the highest. Because if they are only bff, then why didn't this solve everything? What is left hanging? I don't want to clown but it's literally the only thing that makes sense in my opinion.

And now, let's talk about the future Sam saw.

Sam and Dean don't need only each other to be happy, they need other people. That's basically what that future said.

"What's happened to you Dean? Ever since..."

"Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about?"

[There is like a 2 second pause here that I feel very important andd significant. The separation between what 'everyone' and 'Cas']

"Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in Ma'lak box? Ever since then? Yeah." [Jfc you can hear it pains him to say Cas' name]

"Bobby had a death wish and you know it. And Jody? Ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does too.

And after Eileen? So do you."

He's acknowledging everyone's breaking point. Jody's was Donna and the girls (we don't know exactly which one was the last straw, as we know that at least in Claire's case they died at different times). Sam's was Eileen. His was Cas.

And he is very clear in that. We can't know what happened first, but we know that Sam asks what happened to *him* and he says it was Cas going crazy. It was having to bury Cas alive what made him lose all hope. Because at least he can hope they ones dead can find pace, but Cas? Dean, and for how he said it he probably did it alone, had to bury Cas knowing he was going to be there for the rest of the time. Suffering alone. Dean knows how it's like to have the Mark.

That broke Dean. And having Sam wasn't enough to put him back together.

And after Eileen somehow died again, Sam just stop caring about living, he just care about taking down as many monsters as he can before he dies. 'Death wish' Dean called it. He would know about that, he is Dean "You wanna die" Winchester, after all.

Having Dean wasn't enough for Sam to want to keep on living.

"We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done."

They still have each other? Yes. Is that remotely enough? No. That's what the future told us. They need more than each other, they need other people.

But there was a little something else that made it even more beautiful.

"The Dean who raised me [...]"

Let's be clear about something, I think the show never gives enough recognition for having raised same pretty much by himself since he was 4 years. The situation was totally unfair to Dean and yet he never once took it out on Sam, he just look out for him, cooked for him, and make sure he could be as much of a child as the situation allowed, that is a lot more than Dean ever could. In his own words, he wasn't just a brother, he was also a father and a mother.

I just want to cry for thinking how hard that was for both brother. And Sam knows it, even if he doesn't always acknowledges. So the fact that he chose the words "the Dean that raised me" when "the Dean that I know", for example, would have conveyed the sentiment as well, is significant.

They wanted to remember how important they are for each other, how much they love each other. They don't dismiss that, they are making sure we remember that, at the same time they are telling us the alone aren't enough for a happy ending.

They are telling us what we need for a True Happy Ending.

Dean and Sam still being close brothers and loving each other, but allowing themselves to love and need other people.

Okay I'll go to the point.

A HAPPY ENDING IS SAM AND THEN HAVING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LOSING EACH OTHER.

A HAPPY ENDING IS THE END OF THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY AND THE START OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT INCLUDES THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

You guys now I've been saying they are hinting at it since my meta of "The Rupture" but this ain't foreshadowing THEY ARE SCREAMING IT. Like I can't come up with a radically different interpretation.

So this episode only got my hopes for endgame Saileen and Destiel (the destiel maybe not at canon as the saileen, but heavily hinted at least) even higher. Specially for the parallel with Eileen having Dean's doubts ("I don't know what's real") and Sam making kinda answering the same ("We are"/"I know that was real"). Btw I'll be screaming because of that for the rest of my days.

[BONUS: Random questions I can't seem to answer.

Does the angels even know God's going bersek? I mean, Belphegor didn't know it was God the one who broke hell... but even Lilith's been brought back. Do they know Micheal's back? God I don't know.

Was that really a possible future? Or it does was like a Zacharaiah tactic? Why does Chuck's abscence makes monster go crazy? Wasn't the point that it didn't unblanaced the powers?

Story-wise, why ain't Cas in next episode?

Was that the last mention of Claire? An off-screen hypotetical death? Please someome let me see my girl again.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter

[heechulhamster]

The Truth You Can’t Hide VII

KIM JUNMYEON (SUHO) x Fem Reader

Chapter 7 [The Truth You Can’t Hide MASTERLIST]

You did it so well for six years. You’ve hid your son from the biggest threat of his life. But one mishap led to the biggest secret in your life being face to face with the man you’ve kept him away from all these years - his father. 

Angst, Mafia AU!

CHAPTERS

1 - 2 - 3 -  4 - 5 - 6 - 7 ongoing

“How careless of you to do something like this, Y/N!” The expanse of your living room was spacious, yet the voice of your father blared and echoed on the distant walls. 

Yet you remained blank faced, trying not to be fazed by their harsh words which you’ve already expected. It shouldn’t affect you because you because it was all the consequence of a lie - a lie that you needed in order to get away from here. 

“Really, a one night stand with a random guy you couldn’t even put a name to? This is so uncharacteristic of you!” His hand flew to his temple in frustration as he paced around the marble floors. 

It’s been a while since you’ve paced the halls of the lavish house you grew up in, just fitting to that of a renowned politician. Yet you always grew up trying to conceal your family background from everyone. Sheltered - was how would people define you. But in reality, you’re just tired of the limelight your parents lived their lives under, your father being a member of the National Assembly and your mother being a socialite doctor. You didn’t want their prominent names to define you. And that personality of yours was probably another reason why this came as a shock to them. 

“How could you do this to us? How could you do this to Junmyeon? How could you do this to yourself?” Oh yes, of course they’ll worry about Junmyeon - how much they favored and loved your relationship with the perfect, impeccable, and the most ideal Junmyeon. Except for the fact that he wasn’t. 

“He doesn’t even know.” You said, nonchalantly - sharing none of the hysteria that plagued the other two bodies in the room. 

“Of course you wouldn’t be able to tell him, because this is a disgrace! Just think of what would the Kim family would make of you now. They already accepted you as their own daughter, gave you a high position in their company - and now you’ll do this? Cheat? And have an unwanted pregnancy?” His veins were already protruding against his forehead. You don’t even remember if he was ever even half as angry towards you as he is right now, as you’ve always been nothing but the ideal daughter. But this isn’t exactly idealistic. 

“We’ve already broken up, they wouldn’t know if I don’t stay here. That’s why I’m planning to go to LA. I need to hide from anyone who might have a connection with him.” You explained calmly, having recalled the plan in your mind that you’ve had for three weeks now. Three weeks since your eyes landed on that confidential folder atop of Junmyeon’s desk. 

“I think that would be the best for all of us. Just leave.” He finally calmed down in terms of the volume of his voice, yet his tone still remained stern. Your mother just sat silently on the bergere chair across you, trying to keep her orderly fashion yet her eyes spoke of disappointment. 

“Just leave. We’re cutting all ties from you. You need to learn that behavior like this is such a disappointment, you’re a disgrace to this family. You’re a grown woman, I believe you can handle everything on your own, especially with decisions as spiteful as that. You’re not my daughter.” With those words, your dad made his way out of the scene as he ascended the stairs. 

Neither you nor your mom were able to say any words, knowing he’ll never back down. And there’s already an internal judgement your mom made, too. 

Your hand flew to your stomach in a sense of protectiveness, to a growing life that hasn’t even aged a month. Yet is already judged by the lies you needed to tell in order to keep it alive. 

“Why would you do this?” Your mother spoke as calmly and as heartfelt as she could, her maternal instincts kicking in. 

“There’s no acceptable reason, there’s no use.” You said with a bitter taste in your mouth, thinking what if this was real. You’ve always been their treasured princess, but they weren’t even hesitant to disown you with one mistake. 

“Let me hear it, I still want to hear you.” She transferred to sit beside you as she held your hand tightly with her thin feminine fingers. 

“Junmyeon was being very busy the past few months, getting ready for the transfer of the obligations to his name. I was getting very lonely, one thing I’ve never been used to since we’ve been together. And it just happened.” You said, having perfectly concocted the tale of the lie in your mind that you could repeat it a thousand times. 

“We could wait for your father to calm down, I’m sure he’s not that mad. I’m sure there will come a point that he’ll forgive you. Don’t leave.” Her other hand started caressing your back. 

“No, I need to leave. I don’t want constant judgement from him everyday. Junmyeon doesn’t know that I’m pregnant, too. And we know he can easily just go here and see me.” You answered without hesitancy while as the latter part of the statement is the truth. 

That was the last time you step foot the house that you face right now, it’s white columns still reminiscent of your sheltered childhood. The days you spent quietly studying inside, being groomed into the lawyer that they always wanted you to be - but someone you never was. The spacious house filled with images of lavishness that never had any emotional meaning to you. A house so desolate of human existence as the people in it were only around ever so often. How you promised yourself not to raise your child the way you were raised, only with nannies to do the bare minimum of what it entails to be a parent as both people responsible for your existence are always too busy with their careers to be a parent at home. It was something you and Junmyeon shared, a lonely childhood. But you ended up doing something worse to Jaejin. 

Your son was silently sleeping beside you in the back of the cab you rented after making an abrupt exit of Junmyeon’s mansion. You remember hours ago how it wasn’t Junmyeon who called for you but Sehun and Minseok. Both of who you just dismissed, saying how they should stay out of this. You brought along with you a few of you and Jaejin’s things, unsure of until when you want to avoid Junmyeon - again. 

“Mama, is this your house?” Jaejin rubbed his eyes as he gets up from his slumber and looks outside the cab window.

“Yes, baby. Mama used to live here. Let’s go down? Do you want Mama to carry you?” You asked Jaejin with a smile, which he just declined with a shake of his head. 

The both of you stood in front of the intimidating black gate of the house. You’re not even sure if the guards still know you nor if they would let you in. But you were left at your last resort. 

But that’s not the sole reason why you’re back here. You’ve already wanted to make amends with the lies of your past a while ago. Jaejin deserves to know other members of his family, too. And he doesn’t deserve to be treated as a mistake, or a secret. Because Jaejin is the best thing to have ever graced your life. 

“Ma’am Y/N?” You’re brought back to your senses by a familiar voice. It was Byungchul-ssi, he used to be your all around man. He served as your driver, guard, and even the closest thing you had to a father when you were young. 

“Byung-ssi?” You answered with a smile, which quickly turned into a worried expression. “Are they here? I was guessing if you could let us in?”

He looked on the child that stood beside you, how his small hand was tugging the end of your coat. And he nodded with a smile, “Of course, they’re waiting for you.” 

Jaejin was quickly carried by his enthusiastic grandfather - as if all grief and disappointment towards your unexpected and “illegitimate” pregnancy was nonexistent, as if disowning you never happened. The sun only started to peek and rise in the horizons but the house was already bustling, the househelp were ordered to make each and every dish a child could want. 

And you stood in the same living room you were berated in seven years ago. 

You don’t know how to talk to your father, and you guess he shared the same sentiment as he only greeted Jaejin and not you. They’re somewhere in the old playground that was made for you during your childhood. Your mother was still in the kitchen, being involved in the mess that ensued in the race to feed a hungry child.

And you were left alone to feel the isolation that the house made you feel. It used to be your home, but now you feel as if everything that exists in this space despises you too. 

Silently walking to the kitchen, you saw three women mixing and chopping every known ingredient in the pantry. And not that far away was the door leading to the backyard playground, and you could already hear Jaejin’s giggles. 

“He’s such a ball of energy, isn’t he?” It has been a while since you spoke to your mom, not ever since that night. 

“He’s always radiant.” You answered with a smile, thinking about Jaejin. 

“I always thought of you, and my grandchild. But I didn’t know where to reach out.” She said with sadness evident in her voice. “Even your Dad always looked for you.” 

And you were only able to answer with a bitter smile. 

“I live with Junmyeon now.” You answered, scanning her face for any trace of shock or disapproval. “We did for the past five months.” 

“He looks so much like him.” She said with a lingering smile as she looked out the glass sliding door to her husband and your son. 

“Junmyeon is his father.” 

“You don’t even have to say that. Anyone would be able to tell.” She said calmly, her eyes sincerely looking at yours. As if sharing a silent apology to all hell that has happened and all the judgement you’ve went through. 

She then excused herself from the women who helped her prepare breakfast and led you back to the living room, indicating the intention to speak with you in private. 

“The years flew by so fast, didn't they?” She spoke as soon as the both of you sat on the beige couch. 

“They didn’t fly past me, the past seven years were rough.” You answered with utmost honesty.

“I can tell. I know we’re not the best definition of a mother and daughter relationship, but I sincerely want to hear what happened.” She said as she reached for your hand, firmly pressing on your fingers that she longed to touch for a long time. 

So you did tell her the story of what unfolded the past few years. The hardships and decisions that made you the person you are today - so deviant from the meek daughter that they used to know. From your transfer to LA, to when Minseok found you and helped you along the way. Until Jinki came and relieved a vital position in you and Jaejin’s life. Until that fateful day that Jaejin ran into Junmyeon, and that’s where you stopped. 

“Why did you have to go through all of this? That’s what I don’t understand. You could’ve just stayed with Junmyeon and lived a happy and comfortable life.” She spoke with overflowing concern.

“Because…” You considered if you should tell her, if you should incriminate the father of your son in the eyes of your own mother. “There’s some things about him that I deem unacceptable.” 

“Like? I don’t understand. Junmyeon everything a woman could ask for in a partner.” She shook her head in disbelief. 

“It’s not that, it’s more than that. It has something to do with his inescapable wealth and where it stems from. Something that I really disagree with.” You said, avoiding any eye contact with her as you just looked on your lap. 

“I reckon this is about the unexpected transactions within their company?” She said, a sarcastic laugh coming out her mouth right after. You were only able to look at her, out of words and ways to answer. “Everybody knows, his father’s trials was made into a national circus. Considering that they were among the largest chaebols in the country, And of course, your father had connections.” 

“Of course he would.” You responded with a bitter yet knowing laugh. 

“His father was lucky that the prosecution didn’t have enough evidence, but everyone knows that transactions like that in a powerful shipping company exists.” She said as she shook her head in disbelief, too. 

“And you’re okay with that? You raised me to have this unbreakable moral compass. You and Dad always told me to seek whatever is right.” You said in frustration, they raised you in a way with forced righteousness that eventually caused you breaking up with Junmyeon. 

“I’m not saying that I’m okay with it. It’s wrong, in all forms. And there’s no excuse that would justify such act. What I’m saying is that a wrong act doesn’t define Junmyeon as a person.” Your Mom expounded. 

“I raised you like that for a reason. Let me tell you a story way back when your father and I were in college.” She continued as one of the new house helps arrived with two cups of tea, which she put down on the glass table in front of you. “You know that I belonged in a sorority, and he belonged in a fraternity too, right? Very much like how you and Junmyeon met.” You nodded. 

“Well, during our time, it was part of the initiation rights to beat up the freshmen when they want to enter your dad’s fraternity. He got involved in this huge mess that almost cost him his enrolment in law school. He was so distraught, it was his dream school after all. But I didn’t leave him. I know very well that he was just a victim of the existing system in the fraternity. They needed to do that to prove their loyalty to their brotherhood, but that didn’t mean your father was evil nor was he vile. Eventually, I helped him realize that what he did was wrong, and that he could change into a better person.” She reminisced as she took a sip of tea, and her words lingered and reverberated in your mind.

“Look at him now, how he supports human rights and is one of the best legislators in the country. As for you and Junmyeon, how I wish you didn’t leave him. I know this wasn’t his choice, that he didn’t have any call in his involvement in this. This is bigger than just his decisions or his company. And I hope you could talk to him about it.” She continued, the sincerity of her words and the warmth of her fingers on yours was attempted to fill the void that you longed for in a while. 

“When I raised you to seek what’s morally right, it didn’t mean to condemn everyone who does wrong.To err is human, we’re all destined to make mistakes. Give Junmyeon a reason to do what’s right. Give him a chance, hear his side. He could be just another victim waiting for someone to believe in the goodness in him.” 

And for the first time in a while, you’ve let yourself become just a daughter and listen to the words of your mom. 

You stayed three more days at your old home, trying to catch up with your mother as they tried to form a bond with Jaejin. You and your father still weren’t on speaking terms, considering the weight of the words he last left you wasn’t easy to erase. Yet your mother’s advice lingered in your mind. 

Guilty or not, Junmyeon’s side of the story deserved to be heard. And you never gave him that. 

It was a Wednesday night when you drove back to Seoul in one of your mother’s luxury cars that she insisted you to have. You recognized that your old car wasn’t functional anymore, so you’re more than delighted to use this BMW, despite smelling so much like a California cherry air freshener. 

You only give him a text as a notice that you’re coming over, and he didn’t even refuse. 

“Yixing.” You spoke first, almost holding your breath to say his name. He’s clad in a simple white v-neck tee and some gym shorts, which emphasized how you invaded his personal time in the late hours of night. 

“Come inside, please.” He gestured, always the gentleman that he is. 

He indulged you to a cold glass of water as you sat down on the sofa. He felt your tenseness, the restlessness in your eyes. He knew there was a reason why you filed for a leave the past few days, Yixing’s been unbelievably worried about you as you never left a message. Scared that maybe Junmyeon is the reason behind your sudden absence. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while, you’re doing fine?” He asked as he sat down across you. 

You nodded as your hand slowly put down the now empty glass of water on the table. “I just made an unexpected visit to my parents, and they wanted me to extend my stay.” You explained simply. 

“Oh, how was it?” Yixing asked, sincerity was in his voice. 

“Went better than expected. You know how much Jaejin just brings everyone together.” You said with a chuckle. “Anyway, I’m here because I needed to talk to you. I’m sorry for disturbing your night.”

“You’re never a bother, Y/N. Must be urgent, isn’t it?” Yixing responded with a tinge of nervousness in the small laugh that followed after. 

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it for days.” You started off, just looking at your palms that sat atop your thighs. Unable to confront him with your eyes sitting on his, Yixing doesn’t deserve this - he’s such a wonderful man. Everything a woman could ask for, one could say. 

“But you know how we started this. You weren’t exactly prepared to be presented with all these baggages that I have. You probably didn’t sign up for someone with a child, especially that of Junmyeon’s. And I wouldn’t want to be unfair to you.” You paused, feeling the tension in the atmosphere. How Yixing traced your face with the intent to prepare himself on what you’re about to say. 

“And these baggages aren’t exactly something I’ve already fixed. And…” You paused to breathe air, “You’re a great guy, Yixing. If we met at another time, or given a different circumstance, I wouldn’t let go of someone like you. But it’s something that I need to do.” 

“I need to do it because I need to be fair. I don’t want Jaejin to grow up and hate me because I was too stubborn to even try and give him a whole family that he deserves. I don’t want my child to suffer just because of my pride.” You said, and his little nods expressed his understanding. 

You scooted over to reach for his hand, “I’m sorry that it had to be like this. You deserve a lot more, Yixing.” 

Yixing put his hand over yours and tapped it reassuringly. “I understand, I really do. I think it’s just right, after I made Jaejin cry I quickly realized that he deserves even just a shot at a whole family.” He said with a smile, despite the pain that glistens in his eye. 

“And as for Junmyeon, I know him. Maybe not as much as you do, but I see that he’ll also be willing to do everything to make this work.” He said with a smile. “Neither of us is perfect, I’m not sure if he already told you the shit I’ve done. But I, myself, can see the goodness in him.” 

“I think this just wasn’t meant to be.” Yixing gave of a chuckle. “Yesterday, I got a call from my parents telling me that I’m needed back in China next month. I’m already preparing my resignation, actually. So I guess, this is two way.” 

“Thank you, Yixing. I’m really sorry.” You said, not having the right words to say as of the moment. 

“You don’t need to apologize. But please, do me a favor.” Yixing held your cheek with his right hand, the heat of his palm was all you could feel at the time being. 

“Don’t just do it for Jaejin. Do it for yourself too, you deserve happiness.” With a peck on your forehead, you closed the book you and Yixing tried to write. 

“I’m at the penthouse, why?” It didn’t even take a full minute for Junmyeon to reply to a text you sent asking where he is. You just wonder how he’s doing as of the moment. 

You didn’t even bother constructing a reply to his message and just hopped again on your car, thinking of what you’ll even say to him once you arrive. First, you need to swallow all pride you have left. After turning your back on him and hiding his son from him for seven years, you need to apologize. After storming off from his house yet another time just a few days ago, you need to ask him back. 

And you’re actually scared that he’ll reject you. 

And it doesn’t help that you need to talk with him here at his penthouse. Once filled with wonderful memories as the both of you shared this space for over a year. You don’t know how to look at any corner of the said unit without being flooded with wonderful memories. 

And being reminded of the worst.

It wasn’t even a full day that Junmyeon landed back to Korea, he’s probably still fatigued by the frequent trips and all the business related activities in between. But you don’t want to prolong your agony. You couldn’t spend another day seeing him in a different light. You couldn’t look at him without seeing a criminal.

“You couldn’t just leave!” He said as he chased you to the bedroom, your biggest luggage already prepared to be stuffed dramatically with all your clothes. 

“And you could?” You yelled back. 

“Please, Y/N. I promise you when this is all done, I’ll make it up to you. I would drop all of this for you but I just can’t. My dad needs me, too. Please understand.” He begged you as he sat by your side, Junmyeon’s hands struggled with yours as he tried to stop you from putting every cloth you have in the said luggage. 

“You’ve already promised me one thing, Jun. You told me I should stay here, here with you, and not follow what I really want. And it’s been what? Two months that I barely see you here. That I barely talk to you. I gave up my dreams of getting into Harvard and actually being a lawyer for what? To clean your home?” You answered with so much spite in your voice. 

It has been three weeks since you saw the folder and knew the truth. How the company was a courier for guns, bullets, drugs of all kinds, and all shit you swore you’ve always been against. And it’s only been two days since you discovered you were pregnant, which even more fueled your desire to get out of Junmyeon’s grasps. Your child wouldn’t grow up in such an environment, your stomach turns in just the thought of it. 

“Let’s make a compromise, please. Okay, I’ll let you go to law school. I let you do what you want. I’ll stay with you if you want to, just please. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t. I love you so much, I need you in my life. Please.” He begged, you already hear Junmyeon sob beside you, yet you wouldn’t dare to look at him. 

You can't let your heart soften and break by the sight of his tears. You know you still love him. You love Junmyeon so much. That’s why it was easy for you to give up your life long dream in order to stay with him - to be with him. 

But there’s a side to Junmyeon that you didn’t know. A side that you couldn’t tolerate, bear, and could never love.

“Jun, I’ve already had so much. I can’t hold back on living my life just to wait for you. I can’t keep on being in the losing end. I’m so done.” You explained, breathlessly as the scene drains the soul out of you, too. Both of you were diving head first in the fathomless depths of suffering. 

You never thought you’d ever have to break up with the love of your life, the one you thought was already your soulmate. 

“I’d take this as my final warning. I’ll cancel everything, I’ll book a flight to US with you. We can stay there, I’d stay there with you while you become who you want to be. Just please, don’t leave me. I’m begging you, Y/N. I love you so much and I couldn’t lose you.” He hugged you from your back, his face buried in your neck as he gasps for air in between his sobbing. Junmyeon’s hands tightly coiled around your waist, and one of your hands struggled to make him let go. If he holds any tighter, he’ll hurt the baby. And that was another pain that you wouldn’t be able to bear.

“You shouldn’t stop your life for me. Your family needs you to work hard, Junmyeon. The same way I couldn’t stop my life for you too.” You said sharply, trying to mask your feelings. Trying to bury the pain into concealment, and you deny that such pain exist.

“We’re better off without each other, Junmyeon.” 

You rode the special elevator, pressing the button that would lead to the 52nd floor. A bundle of papers were in your hands, the pages rattled against each other as your hands start to shake in nervousness. You don’t even know where to start and you have no inkling of what to expect. 

A knock, a single knock and the door was instantly open. You could only think of how he waited on the other side the moment you sent a text. 

“Y/N.” He said almost silently. 

Junmyeon, for probably one of the very few times in his life, looked unkempt. He looked tired as told by the dark circles around his eyes. He was still in his office attire despite the late hours of night, his shirt loosely tucked and vaguely did it seemed ironed. Junmyeon did look as if he had a hard time. 

“Can we talk?” You asked under your breath, taking all the confidence you need to face him again. 

The thing is, Junmyeon didn’t directly express any desire to get back with you. Disappointment and regrets have been shared and spoken into existence, yet he never implied nor explicitly told you if he wants to be with you again. That’s why there’s a feeling in your gut that this may not end well. 

“Of course.” He answered, eagerness evident in his voice and the way his face lit up. 

You entered the penthouse, still as pristine as it looked like years ago. But there was barely any change, you think you’d still be able to walk around the space with your eyes closed and just relying on your muscle memory. It’s still the same old home you had with him.

“Where’s Jaejin?” He asked as you looked around the flat. 

“He’s in Incheon with my parents. They asked for a time with him.” You explained dryly. “I just… had something to ask you.”

“Of course.” He said behind you. And your right hand carrying the papers slowly put the said files atop of the mahogany table in front of you. 

“Why isn’t my name in these?” You asked. Junmyeon slowly walked to the side of the table and eventually in front of you, as his hands picked up the case files that sat on the table. 

“Where did you get these?” He asked in confusion, as his eyes skimmed past the paragraphs of a trial he experienced firsthand. 

“Yixing gave it to me.” You explained. “But why isn’t my name there.” You repeated your question. 

“In what?” He faked innocence, or so you think. Your question isn’t exactly vivid. 

“In the company files that they’ve recovered, my name wasn’t there. Those files were dated from eight to seven years ago. I was the head of the legal department during that time, but my name is either erased, or replaced with Jeongmi’s name. She wasn’t the head until I left.” You narrated your observations from reading the files. “Junmyeon, I signed those papers. I know those accounts. Why isn’t my name there.” 

He gave off a tired and deep sigh as he sat on one of the dining chairs. “I had them omitted.” 

“Why?” You ask as you pulled a chair for yourself.

“By the time you broke up with me, there was already an existing turmoil in the company. Everyone was already worried that I wouldn’t be able to assume position seamlessly. Sehun’s father battled for my position. There was so much internal problems that a few of these transactions were overlooked, the authorities got to inspect some of them. So I had to do something even before they start investigating. I had people run through every account that you had signed and alter them.” Junmyeon explained rather calmly.

“Why would you do that?” You queried once more. 

“You told me that you were better off without me. You wanted to start anew. And I wouldn’t want to ruin your fresh start during that time. You deserved peace.” Junmyeon declared. 

All you were able to do is look at him and process what he just said. During times of impending chaos, the first thing he’s thought of and done was to protect you. He could’ve just thrown you under the bus as you’ve already broken up with him, but he didn’t let that happen.

“You didn’t need to do that.” You told him, but he answered a small smile back at you. 

“I wanted to.”

You gave him an appreciative stare, finding the right words to say but none actually seemed fitting. Junmyeon has always exceeded your expectations, even at times you know you didn’t deserve. 

“Myeon, I actually came here for a reason.” You started, shifting the topic to the main thing that you wanted to happen. “I’m here to ask something from you.”

“I’m all ears.” He leaned on the table, intently listening to you.

“I know I haven’t been the best person to you for the past years. I’ve never let you explain, I’ve always put my pride above all. But as Jaejin’s mother, I need to ask you if…” You inhaled, scanning your insides for all sorts of confidence you would need to speak it out. “...if we could try and sort things out with the both of us. Jaejin wants a whole family, and it would kill me not to try.” 

Junmyeon looked at you sincerely with his brown eyes, his gaze piercing right at your soul as he took in your request. 

“So what you ask from me is…” He stopped, letting you continue for clarification. 

“I ask if we could make this work. Us. What normal parents would be. I ask it for Jaejin’s sake.” You clarify, your voice breaking in a form of a plea. 

“I wouldn’t do it for Jaejin.” 

Junmyeon’s voice was stern and unwavering. As if he regained his energy to reject you in an instant. You breathed from your mouth as you tried to digest what he said, until he spoke again.

“I’d try, not only for Jaejin but for myself. I’d try and win you back whatever it takes. I’d willingly lose everything in doing so. I want to make this a family whole, not just because that’s what Jaejin deserves.” He paused, inhaling deeply as his hands reached yours. “But because I love you.” 

A series of loud thuds banged on your chest as his words started to sink in. How could he? Why would he?

“... again?” You asked, almost in a whisper. As this wasn’t the response that you were expecting.

“Still.” He said, strong and clear. As if his words are the only thing Junmyeon holds true. “I love you, still. I never stopped. I tried distracting myself all these years but now that you’re back, and knowing that we have a child only made me realize that all of those attempts to hide the truth was futile. I’m going to try and win you back, for Jaejin, and for the reason that I’ll die if I ever let you go another time.” 

You just stared at Junmyeon, no other noise nor sound was heard in the penthouse. If someone were to drop a pin, it would echo in these walls. He held his breath, admiring the silence, the moment that he never thought would happen again. The both of you existing in the same space, breathing the same air, void of any grief nor anger towards each other, and him being able to profess his love for you - again. 

Junmyeon stood from his chair and made his way to the one beside yours, he now sat in front of you but with your legs touching each other. A contact meaning so much to him as he craved to gravitate towards the warmth of your body for so long. Junmyeon slowly raised his hand to cup your face, your figure still stunned in the way things led to this moment. 

“This would be so selfish of me. But I just ask you this night, Y/N. Just one night, to go back in time and pretend it was us then. Please.” Junmyeon pressed his forehead into yours. “Take me back in time when you still love me as much as I love you.” 

Tonight, you let yourself become human and succumb to what you wanted in that very moment. You wanted to become his - just like you used to. 

The both of you woke up to the sound of your ringing phone. Junmyeon tried to hold you back down to sleep but you were persistent in answering whatever that seemed urgent. No one would ever call you this early in the morning unless it was important. 

“Hello?” You sat on the bed, Junmyeon’s arm was still wrapped around your waist as he went back to slumber. 

“What!?” And that loud, worried, and distressed voice of yours was enough to knock Junmyeon into senses. 

Jaejin was sleeping when their car arrived in Junmyeon’s mansion. They were heavily manned, your father carrying your sleeping son as they entered the large halls. 

“Where did it happen?” Junmyeon quickly interrogated the head of security that walked beside your Dad. 

“We were driving to a known amusement park in Incheon when we noticed that there was a black heavily tinted car closely following us.” Your father explained as he handed the sleeping Jaejin to you, who you quickly cradled as your worry overflowed your sanity. “They cornered us at an isolated intersection, but I think they didn’t know we had security vans closely following us behind.”

“Can you send us the exact details? We need to access the security cameras around the area.” Sehun butt in the conversation.

“Dad, could this be one of your political enemies?” You asked in nervousness, you know how unforgiving these people your father is battling with in the government could be. He didn’t respond, obviously not knowing the answer himself.

With the shared stares between Junmyeon, Minseok, Sehun, and your Dad, you knew it was something that you wouldn’t dare meddle with. So you just climbed up the room and embraced Jaejin as the both of you slept. Because during times like this, you’d only be comfortable if Jaejin is safe in the warmth of your arms.

“Do you think Y/N was right? Do you remember going against anyone lately?” Junmyeon asked your father as they meet, along with each of their own security team surrounding them. 

“Not as much as I could recall.” He answered as he shook his head. 

They kept on repeating the CCTV footage they quickly recovered in Incheon - as both Junmyeon and your father both had their ways. There was indeed a heavily tinted black car keeping close proximity to that of your father’s, even almost colliding into them at an intersection. 

But Sehun was the one who watched closely, he couldn’t be mistaken by the familiarity. He asked to zoom in one of the frames where the plates could be seen - and Sehun was right. He was disgusted at the fact that he was right. 

“Hyung…” Sehun spoke over the silence that enveloped the room. “This car... it’s one of my father’s.”