#hello excuse the dramatics . This Would Not Come Out Any Other Way xo

[altarcup]

﹙   ＊   ﹚      &*  @lickbatteries:      𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔.

❛❛  no,  you won’t.  ❜❜    𝗔 𝗪𝗜𝗦𝗛 𝗔𝗦 𝗠𝗨𝗖𝗛 𝗔𝗦 𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗜𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗥.  oppressive desert heat   ‒‒‒‒‒   𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐,  palpable as human touch.  forming a fist that clenches. AS ENGINES REV UP IN THE DISTANCE,  𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐛𝐫𝐮 turns their back on the smouldering cadaver of a getaway ride and 𝚊𝚍𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚓𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚎 of a ray gun to the paper cut–out silhouette ᵒᶠ A LAST STAND.  she has deemed that party poison,  𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑒𝑑,  cannot meet their end here.    ❛❛  you should go back      [  . . .  ]     𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔.  ❜❜    the gun gleams 𝘢 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘬,  𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦,  like a spectre of sunlight.  𝚒𝚝’𝚜 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗 𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚛𝚜.

[lizacstuff]

Hello, Liza! I hope you are doing well. Passing by because I (and everyone else I think) would like to know your thoughts about episode 25. I watch this show trying my best to avoid spoilers but today somehow I ended up seeing everything. Twitter was and still is mad about the episode and I thought I was going to have the same reaction as them. Surprise, surprise, I didn't which left me speechless. I feel like you might have the same reaction as me so I would love to know your thoughts! xo

Hello! I have a lot of asks and rather than flooding my dash, I think I’ll put them all in one place, so this is going to get very long.  I have mixed feelings. I didn’t hate it, but it was a hard episode to watch.

I wish I had seen the reaction before I watched, then I would have adjusted my expectations. The whole time I was waiting for a twist at the end that didn’t come. Partly because of my own speculation, but partly because I’d watch the live with Hande and Kerem and from the translations, Kerem said there was a shock at the end and called the ending beautiful. Never trust Kerem! LMAO. Not because he would ever intentionally mislead, but boyfriend never remembers anything that happens in any episode. Though he was right about the shock, just not about it being beautiful. (Prince be crazy!) Anyway I kept hoping for the twist of them working together and fooling everyone and it didn’t come. 

So I was disappointed at the end, but with adjusted expectations the episode, taken for what it is, is actually decent and I can definitely get onboard with Eda sacrificing everything to save him. That’s very romantic and they did a great job of setting up how devastated she was and how serious the threat is from Babaanne. Eda did not crumble in the face of a couple of idle threats. No, every moment that Eda waited to break up with him, Babaanne introduced some very real and catastrophic consequence to Serkan or his family. Shit got real and Eda was pushed into a no-win corner and needed to act fast. I’ll talk about that more, but first, I’ll mention a couple of thoughts about the writing and the new writers:

(more under the cut)

Good

Structure - The structure of the episode was a lot better than last week.  Scenes actually made sense one after the other, the emotions of the characters were consistent and it all flowed. 

Plot - I’m not necessarily praising what happened in the episode, more that there was one. And it’s one that will not be forgotten in the next episode and it feels like this plot could sustain a number of episodes which his necessary if the show is to continue.

Characterizations  - The characters felt true to what we’ve watched the last 20+ episodes. As I said above, work went into showing us both Eda and Serkan’s mindset and how that led to the ultimate outcome. It’s impressive that they put together one of the most heartbreaking breakup scenes I’ve seen, and the characters weren’t actually even together. 

Not-so-good

Proposal dream - I’m not a big fan of fooling the audience like this, and I’m really not a big fan of putting it in a teaser or promo. That is a bait and switch, and I think it’s a cheap trick for the production company to have featured it in the fragman. Badly done.  In next week’s fragman we see Serkan “punching” the Prince, I fear that is not real, possibly Serkan’s fantasy, and I’m really hoping that “fake scenes” are not going to be the go-to for these new writers. We’ve already spent 50+ hours with Eda and Serkan, we don’t need to see imaginary things, we need real scenes. No fake outs at this juncture. 

Humor and ‘sparkle’ - I think this is what’s going to be missing from the new writer’s scripts. They tried really hard with the game night at the newlywed’s house and Chef Alexander love triangle, (Team Aydan all the way, Ayfer can fuck off. If she doesn’t care about her niece’s happiness, then she shouldn’t get any herself) but it just didn’t get there comedy wise. Ayse really had a way of pulling together very funny scenarios and making everything sparkle, and I’ll miss that. 

Lack of Edser - This is their show, they are the ONLY reason most people watch. You can’t build a plot that separates them. When Serkan broke up with Eda they were able to build a scenario where they were still thrown together all of the time, and kept finding excuses to be with the other. Their screen time didn’t suffer that much. I’m not sure this scenario will allow the same with him being at risk if Babaanne spots them together.  However, for this episode I’m willing to give the benefit of the doubt as @jan31​ brought up to me, Kerem and Hande were very busy last week with rehearsals and then shooting The Voice, so that might have contributed to why there was so much focus on the other characters this ep, they needed to release the leads for other commitments. 

hawaiigirl84 said: So I'm on a SCK Facebook group looking at a lot of irate fans. If you haven't seen the episode yet, I think you're going to have to gird your loins for this one.

@hawaiigirl84 Haha. I wish I’d seen this ask so I could have adjusted expectations. I went on twitter last night and then backed away slowly. Lots of dramatic rending of garments and gnashing of teeth.  You know the fan reaction is bad when both the producer Asena and Nesliyan (Aydan) tweeted out reassurances about the journey to love and then this morning the production company twitter account released video of Eda kissing Serkan in the jail. Trying to feed the fans who were out for blood, I’d guess. 

Anonymous said: Okay so the latest episode of SCK had to be the show creating a very low point for Eda & Serkan in order to build them back up, right? My thought after the episode ended was that things honestly could not get worse. That episode was just disappointing. While I get why Eda did what she did I still absolutely hated it and was pissed the writers could not come up with something better. And how heartbreaking was it to realize the proposal scene was a dream 😭. And now they released a clip showing Eda did kiss Serkan in the jail cell but they decided to cut it out? I get that the show has to create drama but the promotion of the episode as being super romantic was certainly a gut punch. The fragman has me hopefully that Eda & Serkan might finally work together to bring down Grandma or at least Eda will let him in on her plan. I will say even though that episode hurt the actors were absolutely killing it.

Are we the same person?? I think I went through all of these thoughts/emotions since watching, lmao.  

And 100% they are taking Eda and Serkan to their low point before building them back up. Also, think about it, after this they will both have a much better understanding of one another. Eda will understand how he could have made the decision to breakup rather than confide in her, and Serkan will understand why doing what he did hurt her so much and why it wasn’t easy for her to get over it. They’ll both have experienced the situation from all sides.  Ultimately, this will make them stronger.

Honestly, Eda has a LOT better reason to do what she’s doing than Serkan did. As I said above, Evil!Granny is not playing. She is deadly serious and seems to be capable of anything. In the course of 48 hours she had manufactured charges against Serkan that were serious and landed him in jail, she caused him to lose the tender they’d won which would have huge ripple affects for the business, and she was able to set up Alptekin and get him thrown in jail. At this point I could see her ordering a hit! Eda needed to call her off and get her to stop or who the heck knows would have happened to Serkan, Aydan and the business in the next 24 hours. Eda needed to move fast and she needed to be convincing. 

Right now I think Eda is just buying time, so Serkan is safe while she tries to fight her grandmother.  No way she’s rolling over. Not Eda. I’m still very hopeful that Serkan will figure out what she’s up to sooner rather than later and they will start to work together. 

Also, YES, to the performances. The actors were stellar. Hande and Kerem both brought it. I physically felt their pain.

Anonymous said: I'm completely convinced that the writers' room for this last episode wrote it without any knowledge of ep 24 except for the fact that it ended with Serkan getting arrested on NYE. Like I still wouldn't like it, but if we had gone from ep 23 to ep 25, it would make more sense. But not after ep 24. Did Ayse just say "fuck it" while writing that episode and gave the fans everything she could knowing full well what the other writers' plans were? Talk about some severe whiplash.

I don’t know what the background is on the writer change, but I don’t think this is fair.  I got whiplash from the fragman (proposal) to the episode, but not from ep 24 to this one. When watching ep 24 didn’t you think it was just a matter of time before the other shoe dropped? I thought that it was obvious that a dark cloud was gathering, just as Eda was willing to start fresh with him. Babaanne directly threatened Serkan several times to Eda. She told Eda she would destroy Serkan if she found they were together.  Episode 24 was Eda being defiant and letting herself be with Serkan and this episode was the consequences of that.  

There are things to criticize, but I completely disagree with you that this is one.

Anonymous said: I think Eda didn't say ily at that time because she must have already thought about maybe accepting what her grandmother had asked for. It would have been weird if she told him I love you and then broke up with him right afterwards. It wasn't the right time, I think the writers are saving it for a big confession like in episode 11. At least for now we could hear her say it in her dream.

Agreed on the timing, and you’re right about the dream. While I am annoyed they put it in the trailer, in the narrative it did serve to tell us exactly where Eda’s head is at in regards to their relationship.  She loves Serkan, she wants to marry Serkan.  So we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that none of her actions are because of any lingering “confusion,” right now she is acting out of pure love for him. That’s beautiful. (maybe that’s what Kerem meant by the ending being beautiful, lmao) 

Anonymous said: Eda really breaking him by called what they had a mistake and threwing him the parents death in his face like it was his fault, he doesn’t deserve all this. At least im happy serkan walked away first! although he loves her with all his being, he's fed up with Eda behaviour... if she really wants him, she has to fight for him.

Oh boy. 

You understand that Eda didn’t mean anything she said, right?  That the only way for her to convince Serkan she was serious was to bring out the big guns, and that she only did it to save him?

Yes, that was hard to watch. My heart absolutely breaks for Serkan. Actually, it breaks for both of them.  But it’s supposed to, they are in love, and Babaanne is tearing them apart. Did you watch Eda all episode? She was devastated the entire time. That’s one of the reasons this ep was hard to watch. It’s hard to see a beloved character be at that low of a point for 2 straight hours.  

This storyline will be easier for you to watch if you reframe this from applauding Serkan for being “fed up” at Eda, to Eda loving him so much that she is going to do whatever is necessary to save him.  She sacrificed and now she’s going to risk it all fighting Babaanne, and all of it is for LOVE. 

Anonymous said: The ending is so ridiculous, and let's not even talk about the fragman of the next episode I really don't know if I want to continue watching

Okay, you’ve just hit my pet peeve. DO NOT come into my inbox with flounce threats. I don’t care if you watch or not. If you’re done, fine, move on, no need to announce it on anon or add it to any of my posts. Because why even talk about something you’re not going to watch? If you’re not serious, but just saying that cause you’re throwing a temper tantrum and think that you can bring about change that way or think you’re making a point by threatening to withhold your support, I’m not going to validate you. You’re being manipulative and all you’re doing is trying to make other people feel bad.  Anyone else who does this will be blocked.  

Anonymous said:  The new writers are really destroying the series. Eda blamed serkan for not telling her the truth and now she did exactly the same. They're ruining eda's character by doing that. Eda wouldn’t have ever, nor left herself be defeated like this by babaanne, nor used the words she did with Serkan, it was beyond mean, and unnecessary for this plot, im so upset

Dude, pull yourself together. It’s not that bad. The new writers are definitely evolving the series, if feels like it’s going to be more plot driven, than situational, but I think that had to happen if they were going to continue making episodes. Maybe you believe they should just end it, and that’s a fine opinion to have, but if it’s to continue, and I personally want it to, there needs to be a plot, there needs to be a big obstacle and this is what these writers’ have chosen.   

Out of all the thing they could have done, it’s actually a good direction to go. Once again, they’ve chosen to separate them, not because one betrayed the other. Not because of some third-party love interest. Not because one is uncertain about their feelings. Not because one of them made a bad choice that hurt the other. They’re separated because of something that happened when they were children, something completely out of their control.  And Eda made the decision she did, because she loves him more than anything. 

For drama in a romantic story its about as good as you can hope for. Because despite your knee-jerk, overly emotional take, the reality is there is nothing here that taints either character or their love for one another. 

They are NOT ruining Eda’s character.  Eda was pushed into a corner and she made a hasty decision to save the man she loves. Babaanne was watching her constantly, she was having her followed. Eda did what was necessary to get Serkan out of jail and then to stop Babaanne’s relentless, and successful, attacks against him.  She said what she said, because that’s the only thing that would have convinced him she was for real. Anything else he wouldn’t have believed, and if he didn’t believe it then Babaanne wouldn’t have stopped. Also, Eda hasn’t let herself be defeated. She did what she needed to do, so she can keep Serkan safe while she fights. This is just one battle, Babaanne won’t win the war. 

They’ll get to the point when they’re fighting her together, but we’re getting this part first. The part that will give both of them greater insight into the other, and the perspective they both need to truly understand how each felt during the first break up. And it will give us angst and longing and pining and jealousy and all sorts of things. 

Also, curious, why is it okay for Serkan to break her heart because he was afraid of her reaction to the truth of the past, but it’s not okay for Eda to break his heart to save him from huge and real threats to his safety, livelihood, freedom and family?

Anonymous said: I am so sad for serkan he doesn't deserve this. Eda ended up abandoning him like everyone else who comes into his life. The worst thing about it is that he knew it was going to happen and he was afraid it would happen and it did happen 😭

It’s definitely gut-wrenching. Serkan doesn’t deserve this, but neither did Eda. And Eda didn’t abandon him because she wanted to, she did it because very bad things were happening and she had to act quickly.

However, think about what you just said: he knew it was going to happen. It’s also not like the consequences of going against Babaanne are unknown to him.  He knows he was thrown in jail, he knows his dad is in jail, he knows there were serious threats to his business. So what that means is that it won’t take Serkan long to figure out that Babaanne is behind everything and Eda is 100% acting out of love for him.  

He will just need to shake off the sting of her words, and the haze of heartbreak and he’ll see that she did it for him. 

[goldenchildlynn]

welcome to the game || solo

WHO: Ryder Lynn, Thomas Lynn, Sofia Lynn, Deputy Schuester, mentions of Rachel Berry, Noah Puckerman.

WHAT: Ryder finally gets his call from the police station, panic ensues.

WHEN: Saturday morning, 10:00 AM

WHERE: Lynn residence, Castleport.

NOTES/WARNINGS: This is the best I could do, and I love me some tension so enjoy xo.

Homecoming, it was proving to be bittersweet. After Hunter had picked him up from his earlier morning flight, Ryder went straight to his childhood home and crawled into his old bed. He was exhausted, mentally and physically, and it was comforting to be wrapped up in his sheets even if they held a lot of memories that he wasn’t caring to revisit as of late. And he was almost asleep when he heard the home phone ringing, his mother’s voice echoing down the hall.

“Ryder, phone call!”

In that instant, he knew exactly who was on the other end of that phone. And if he didn’t, as he padded down the hall and saw his father pacing the kitchen well....he certainly did after that. His mother hesitantly handed the phone to him, and he cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders back before taking it off hold, “Hey, this is Ryder.” He managed to say, calm and collected, despite the pounding in his chest that had begun the moment his mom had alerted him of the call.

“Hello, Mr. Lynn? This is Deputy Shuester. I was calling to see if you had a moment to answer a few questions regarding Rachel Berry?”

“Hi, yeah, one moment please.” Ryder said, hearing the okay on the other end before putting the phone on hold and pressing his palms to the counter as he glanced over to his dad. “It’s the sheriff’s office, dad. They’re going to ask me about Rachel, like I told you, they asked everyone else and now they’re asking me...”

“We knew this was going to happen, Ryder. Just remember what I told you, that girl was....obsessed with you. What you guys had was just some high school puppy love type of romance, nothing more. Just keep a calm head, everything will be fine. Besides, like you told me, this is probably some dramatic antic she’s pulling and it’ll all blow over.”  His dad spoke smoothly, bringing his coffee mug to his lips as he nodded at him, “Go ahead. You have a great lawyer if things get messy, everything will be taken care of, as usual.”

Taken care of as usual, while it should’ve been comforting, it always reminded him of everything that had been swept under the rug.

Clicking the button to take the phone off hold, he exhaled a heavy breath, “Okay, I’m here, go ahead Deputy Schuester.” Ryder said, trying to ignore the way his palms sweat in anticipation of what exactly was going to be asked of him. Or maybe some details that they had, about Rachel’s disappearance or something they found. The possibilities were endless, but still, he held his breath as he heard the older man on the other end clear his throat.

“Mr. Lynn, you were romantically involved with Rachel Berry at several points, correct? How would you describe the current nature of your relationship?  Did you two ever discuss possible reconciliation?”

There’s a slight pause as he thought of the right thing to say, without shining too much light on their more recent meetups and conversations, “Yeah, we dated a bit in high school....but I dated a few people in high school, you know, young love and all that.” He tried to say in a lighthearted manner, pursing his lips together shortly after trying to figure out how to answer the second part, “I don’t know, I’ve been busy in California with football and school, we would text every now and then. Maybe grab coffee if I had time to come back into town.” He decided to leave out the more...dirty details, it really wasn’t anyone’s business in his mind, especially not with his parents eavesdropping around the corner in the kitchen.

“Right.” He could hear him scribbling down stuff, probably keeping record of what he had to say, and he waited with nerves filling up him body before hearing the next questions, “Would you consider yourself a person with a short temper? Can you recall an incident where Ms. Berry witnessed you behaving aggressively, perhaps even towards someone else, where it could be considered excessive?”          

His brow raised, and he was thankful that this wasn’t in person questioning because the look on his face was enough to give away how displeased he was by what was asked. Still, he knew hesitating for too long would only make him seem guilty when he was far from it. “A short temper? Sir, I’m not sure exactly what you mean.” But he did, it was in reference to his rivalry with Puck, the constant fights they got in because of the missing girl in question. It was often she was in the midst of it, instigating it from the sidelines, and he clenched his jaw as he shrugged to himself, “Besides football games, none that I can think of. Things get intense on the field, you knows guys being guys, but I wouldn’t consider myself an aggressive person, no.” Ryder finally told him, not bothering to mention the Puck situation because it really had no relevancy. “I don’t see how that question has anything to do with her disappearance, if you’re trying to get at something here I can happily direct you to my lawyer?” It was a power move, one his father told him to pull if need be and he could hear the silence along with the writing on the other end.

“No, no need for that. Now, finally, when did you last speak to Rachel Berry? Can you recall what you two talked about, or what 'holding on to history'  might be in reference to?”    

Holding onto history.

The phrase alone made his blood run almost cold, fists clenching as he begun to pace the living room he’d currently led himself to. “Excuse me, what?” His voice faltered for a minute before he plopped down on the edge of the couch, head hanging a bit as he tried to figure out where that phrase came from, “Where did you get that quote from? I’m not sure I understand---”

“We can’t disclose any information on that, sir. Can you please just answer the question to the best of your ability? It’ll make this a lot easier for us to figure out what’s going on here with Miss Berry.”

With a heavy sigh, he pursed his lips together, “I don’t remember exactly the last time we talked, maybe a few months ago when she texted or called? I can’t say I recall what it was about though, something casual or something like that. She texted and called a lot but....I’m a bit busy with school and sports. As for the reference, I have no idea what that means, I’m sorry.” Ryder finally said, trying his damnest to keep his voice level as he rested his hand on his knee, wiping off the sweat that was collecting there.

More silence. It killed him.

“Alright Mr. Lynn, that’s all we have right now. We’ll keep in touch, until then, if you see or hear anything please don’t hesitate to reach out. Have a great weekend.”

And with that, the click signaled the end of the call. Honestly, he should’ve felt relief, but now, his shoulders felt heavy. That phrase, that quote, it was a signal that she was hinting to something he knew all too well. That tape needed to be located before things got too deep, before they started snooping and it could get into the wrong hands.

Looks like his stay in Castleport might have to be extended longer than he intended.

[saneishemma-blog]

STORYTIME: THE DAY I SAW HIM AGAIN.

I just got to the hotel from the party where I got to see him again. It’s been around 3 years since the last time I saw him and to be honest, my last memories of him are not very pleasant. A lot has happened since then… Before today, I haven’t thought of this guy in forever… okay okay, I have, at least once a day, but my thoughts are more related to curiosity than love. Does he ever think of me? Does he smile when he does or prefers to shake the memories away? Did he ever realize what a huge mistake he made?... Other times, my thoughts come in the form of memories; a picture, a song, a specific moment in life…. Have you ever heard the expression “be careful who you make memories with, those things last forever”?, well… SO – DAMN – TRUE.

I knew coming to this party that there was a 99.99% chance he would be here. I also knew about his new girlfriend since my best friend called me about a month ago with the news. I remember the moment she told me. I took a moment to analyze every single reaction coming from my body and the best part, I remember feeling nothing… Such a relief. After realizing I was over him, I remember going back to the last time I found out he had a girlfriend (about 3 years ago), I was standing right in front of him while he told everybody how happy he was, did I mention he was supposed to be dating me at the time?... Yeap… SUCKED, I literally spat a little bit of my drink back in the cup and tried to keep it together… I also slept with his best friend that night.

I know what you’re thinking, “What the fuck Emma?  What were you doing with that douch?” That’s a LOOOONG story full of good memories (as well as some other bad ones) that will maybe tell you some other time.

Back to the party…

Have you ever had that feeling in which you plan to have a certain (bitchy) reaction towards someone (cause they deserve it) and then your inner and most-honest self tells you “come on girl, you won’t do that, you will fall for his crap again”? That was the brightest marquee sign in my brain at this moment and I was kind of afraid it would come true. I debated all morning with myself even to the point of wondering “why did I come?”, the answer always being, “cause your friends are here, you were invited way before everyone else and a side from him, you really want to see everyone else”.

I know him like the palm of my hand, good and bad, I knew he was going to try to get close and make conversation as if we were friends, I knew he was going to try to make as if nothing ever happened which I find extremely annoying cause dude, you broke my heart and yes, I’m over it and stronger than ever but you intentionally broke my heart and I don’t want you near me. I knew I needed a getaway plan in case he approached me (yes, with his girlfriend there. He’s capable of that).

While I was getting ready, I literally brainwashed myself picturing every possible scenario in my head. What if he was rude, or flirty, or made inappropriate comments? Every time I would find a way (in my head) to reject him gracefully (cause that’s the kind of girl I am). I focused on all the bad stuff, the things unsaid, the questions that didn’t get an answer. I put my outfit on, of course making sure I looked FAB (maybe a little too much for a backyard party but who cares) and got on my way.

I got there pretty early since I promised my friend I would help with the decorations so only a couple of other friends were there. The party hadn’t officially started but the drinking had and by the time he got there, my dear friend Facundo Bacardi was taking great care of me already.

They were saying hello to everyone else while I was adding the finishing touches to the table (or pretending anyways), and by the time they got to me I had had a good couple minutes to process everything. It’s really incredible how much a person’s presence can affect you even when you don’t want anything else from them anymore. He introduced me to the new lady (Anna) and then locked eyes on me and said “is nice to see you”. I’m still not sure if I was glad or angry at that comment.

Other than that, the party went on smoothly. He tried to make conversation a few times and I always found an excuse to cut him off, no one made any sort of comments about the past that would lead to Ana asking questions (Thank God cause I really liked her and I didn’t want any drama) and the world was right again.

At some point, we ran out of ice so I decided to go to the kitchen and find some more and of course, and just cause that’s how the universe works, just when I’m feeling safe and sound I turn around and he was standing right there waiting for me.

I panicked cause I literally felt all my strength fall to the floor. I knew I had to proceed with caution.

He started making small-talk about his mom and other stuff and just as I’m about to ditch him (like the other 20 times he tried in front of everybody) he makes his move…

“Wait, can we talk?”

I said nothing, I just stood there and I guess he tough that was my way of saying -go ahead- but honestly I just froze.

“There are a lot of thing I would like to tell you and I don’t even know where to start but please just listen”.

I remember thinking –you said you wouldn’t do this, you promised yourself, you’re so weak but OMG, we’re finally having this conversation, he will finally admit to his mistake and all my questions will get an answer-.

He started talking about how much he’d changed and how much he’d thought of everything…  He lowers his eyes to the floor and says “please let me explain cause I need this, I need to get this out of my chest”, and guys, those were the words I needed as a reminder... I realized in that very moment that that feeling of “the world is right again” I was telling you earlier was slipping slowly with every word that came out of his mouth. I realized I didn’t need that conversation, what I actually needed was not to have it, I understood that I had to stop him cause no one else would do it for me, I knew I had to put myself first for once.

“Stop!” I said. I didn’t yell because I knew everyone would hear and I wanted to avoid the drama but I said it loud enough for him actually follow my instruction.

His eyes met mine and I could see the confusion in him.

“Just stop”… He didn’t move and I consider just walking out but then I realized I wasn’t’ going to have another chance to say what I wanted to say. It was now or never.

“This was the problem all along. It was always about what you needed, what you wanted, what you were feeling. I played your game with your rules and not once you stop to think what I was feeling or wanting. You need this conversation now? I need it 3 years ago. I had so many questions and things I didn’t understand and not once you had the guts to pick up the phone and just talk to me. I’m good now, I’m great actually and I wish you nothing bad but don’t be mistaken, you broke my heart and of course I got over it but no thanks to you. And now you come and want to talk because YOU need it?!, well I don’t… I don’t only not need this but I don’t care about what you need anymore, I only care about what I need and what I need is to leave this alone. I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t want to relieve it. I’m over it and I’ve moved on so, if you need to set your piece, you better find a church because I don’t need to listen to you”.

I was shaking but in a way, I felt lighter, stronger, complete-er…. I walked out and realized no one had noticed. I rushed to where my best friend was sitting and asked her if she had heard something and she said he hadn’t even realized I was gone. Turns out, you don’t need more than a couple minutes to set your piece if you use those minutes right.

I sat with my friends and picked up the conversation they were having about politics. An awful topic and yet, I was smiling.

The rest of the night I had a ton of fun. I couldn’t help to noticed that every now and then I would turn my face and he would be looking at me but honestly, I didn’t care anymore, that was really it for me. I was done.

___

As I lay down in bed tonight, the whole story is playing in my head like and old movie. Every moment lead me here. I feel strong, I feel pretty, I feel proud I did what I needed to do instead of what I wanted (cause let’s be honest, to hear him say how sorry he was would’ve been great but it would’ve lead to a ton of drama and to open doors from the past I didn’t want to open), I’m happy I didn’t care of the “he’s going to think I’m so dramatic” or “that will make me look so not cool”, I really took care of myself in a way I hadn’t been able to up to now and let me tell you ladies, it feels GREAT.

Moral of the story: There’s no one else in the world that could say or do anything to give you back your piece. You gotta do the work yourself but trust me. Is the best self-esteem pick-up EVER. Think of what you need and what you deserve and go do that!

-XO