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annamarabella-grumble · 1 year

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mass effect replay thoughts, episode 4

episode 1 / episode 2 / episode 3 / episode 5 / episode 6 / episode 7 / episode 8 / episode 9

Garrus wants to be the poster boy for police brutality and planting evidence on suspects he KNOWS are guilty so, so bad

and i won’t let him

Tali SHUT UP the geth aren’t the enemy. they’re not inherently trying to wipe out all organic life in the universe. they were corrupted by Sovereign, and the geth the quarians tried to wipe out sure didn’t have any good experiences with ‘organics’

but if they wanted to wipe them all out, they would have pursued the quarians beyond the veil — they never did. they defended themselves, that’s all.

i wrote about presenting slavery, genocide, and institutional violence as moral grey areas after the last episode, and i’ve been thinking more about that since. after all, moral grey areas are interesting, and i’m a defender of ‘messy’ characters. i don’t believe that all fictional characters need to be only “good” or “bad” for us to understand them. hell, my favourite character of all time is a middle-aged assassin with supernatural powers who drove what might have been the final nail into an entire city’s coffin. but the distinction lies in whether those moral grey areas are about the individual, or the systemic.

Tali, Ashley, and Garrus all represent institutional violence. BioWare made them the stand-ins of the best and worst of their cultures. that left no room for individual character flaws. worse, same as we tend to ascribe their positive character traits to them personally rather than their cultures, their civilisations’ mistakes become their character flaws. since these “flaws” also allegorically represent human suffrage, there’s too much black and white to find any grey in the characters themselves. by flattening these big conflicts into conversations with only one individual, me1 makes them narrative devices rather than world-building.

i don’t think making the “players who do X are also X” argument is useful because that’s not how it works. however since these storylines are allegorical, they can’t be critically looked at by removing them from that context — our very human context. concepts like player complicity aside, it’s simply about harm reduction for players. that is where the mass effect writers fall short.

they manage some nuance with Garrus because he mentions his father, who would agree with Shepard when she says that’s not how she does things.

but contrast this with Garrus as Archangel. in ME2 his vengeance and grief are deeply personal, whereas his sort-of loyalty mission in ME1 is a holdover grudge from his time at c-sec, where they wouldn’t let him kill hostages to apprehend a suspect. i cannot let him shoot that doctor except in self-defence, but i might be tempted to let him take the shot at sidonis (and bear witness to the devastating personal consequences that has for garrus).

that Wrex is there in ME1 to offer the perspective of those affected by violence does improve things slightly because through him we see the krogan as more than murder machines. but he also shoots Fist without a moment’s hesitation when he’s no longer useful, and it’s murky whether that’s just Wrex being a merc or conforming to type as a krogan.

we also don’t meet a krogan female until ME3! imagine if we’d met Urdnot Bakara in ME1!! (ok they would have fucked up writing her, but you know)

they didn’t manage this with Tali because she uncritically spouts quarian propaganda and there’s no counterweight in herself or other quarians we meet (we don’t) or members of the flotilla she talks about (she barely does). it’s not until ME2 that she reveals that there’s division among quarians re: seeking war or peace with the geth.

in ME2 and 3, we get salarians who disagreed with the genophage at the time or, at the very least, support the cure along with getting our first salarian squadmate. the argument with mordin also becomes half about the genophage itself, half about how he rationalises it (determinism). which is still hard to stomach, but less egregious than how they'd have probably written him in ME1.

this all may well have been intended in ME1 to lay the “foundations” of a player’s Shepard and get them to start with “a baseline.” ME1 does it so hamfistedly, however, that any want for nuance is futile while you’re busy defining your character’s morality entirely through huge systemic issues and historical conflicts. in ME2 and 3 there’s a lot more wriggle room in making your Shep a Paragade — ruthless bastard, not genocidal racist.

#mass effect #mass effect 1 #me1 #meta #grumble has thoughts #video games #mass effect legendary edition #long post

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queenaryastark · 3 years

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For some reason, being poor with no power is something that’s romanticized, especially in fiction and fandom. But it’s something George R. R. Martin goes out of his way to remove any level of romanticism from. The lives of the common people genuinely suck. The people reigning over them or even who just outnumber them can essentially take what they want from them at any moment, with very little chance at recourse. They also have very little control over most of the decisions in their lives since the lack of power and money makes it difficult to do anything beyond the role they were born into without outside assistance.

That’s why I don’t see why being poor, whether it’s living as a lifelong criminal who has no stability or even lower nobility is seen as an ideal endgame. Like with Arya, she thinks briefly about becoming an outlaw like Wenda the White Fawn only to push the idea aside and try to continue getting back to her family. Dany also often romanticizes living the life of a commoner, but as we see, commoners are constantly at risk of exploitation with no recourse or protection. Nearly every single chapter shows this.

I’ve also seen the argument that Arya would be happier in a lower position whether as a peasant or as lower nobility because that would supposedly give her more freedom to be who she wants to be. To quote Grey Worm, this is false. The less power a person has in this type of culture, the less freedom they have. Look at Mycah. He dared to play with a girl of high birth and wield a crude weapon. This meant Joffrey wanted to put him back in his lower ranking place by assaulting him and later having him murdered. The situation would have played out differently had he been of a higher rank.

Under that same principle, Arya herself would have fewer restrictions on her the higher ranking she was. Seriously, if you look through real world history, you see that higher ranking individuals, even women, set the fashions and set the societal rules. George does the same thing with Westeros. Alysanne is able to effect change due to being queen consort and a member of the Small Council. Black Aly and Sabitha Frey participated in battles due to their high ranks. Samantha Tarly Hightower flaunts convention and confronts the High Septon wielding her privilege like a weapon. I could go on and on. This means that if Arya had a position of power that would mean she would have a greater ability to be who she wanted to be and to put positive change into effect.

That’s why my ideal endgames for both Arya and Dany are ones in some level of power. We see both of them gaining experiences that would prepare them to administrate with justice and kindness, while being able to confront the difficult decisions. And frankly, I’m not talking happy Disney ending here. The fact is that the fairytale aspect of positions of power are stripped away as well, showing the actual jobs those positions are. We see Arya taking on additional work and danger to protect others who she sees as her responsibility while getting first hand experience of the impact the choices of those in power have over the common people. We see Dany as she navigates the day to day struggle of being a queen regnant. So for them to hold positions of power, it wouldn’t be “happily ever after,” but “now the work begins”.

#arya stark #daenerys targaryen #asoiaf #meta #kinda #more rambling than thought out essay

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blackkatmagic · 3 years

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“So you haven’t been eaten by a dragon yet after all,” Xiaan says, warm despite the wind A'Sharad can see whipping her lekku around her in wild gusts. “You had me worried, A'Sharad.”

A'Sharad snorts, tipping the holo a little as it fuzzes from the wind-blown sand. “You have more than enough to worry about already, Xiaan,” he says, and the distant hum of a speeder makes him raise his head, watching narrowly as a craft cuts across the top of a distant dune. Not close enough to be a threat, but—close. He’ll have to warn the tribe that’s hosting him. If settlers are encroaching, it might be time for them to move.

“Little enough that I can't worry about you as well,” Xiaan retorts, though she’s smiling. “Taking your leave right under the nose of the Hutts is a risk.”

“The Hutts won't bother the Tuskens,” A'Sharad says dismissively, watching her with narrowed eyes. She looks tired, and A'Sharad can't see much of the land around her, but she mentioned deployment somewhere cold. “You should wrap your lekku. If they get frostbitten, you're going to spend the next six months complaining about numbness.”

Xiaan rolls her eyes, just as there's a bark of laughter from somewhere beyond the projector. A'Sharad raises an eyebrow, well able to recognize a clone trooper’s voice, and says dryly, “I assume I'm not the first person to tell you that, Xiaan.”

“You're worse than Quinlan,” Xiaan complains, and then leans back. “Salvo, that was not an I told you so moment, you're not allowed to mark that down.”

“I did tell you,” Xiaan's commander says, leaning down into the projector and waving a heavy winter headwrap at her. “I said General Hett would tell you to wear a wrap. That’s a point for me.”

Xiaan pulls a face, but doesn’t argue as she takes the headwrap and slides it over her lekku, attaching it to her leather headwrap and then looping her lekku around her neck. “It feels stifling,” she complains, and Salvo snorts as he takes a step back out of view.

“So does the armor, General Amersu” he retorts. “But at least it’s warm.”

When Xiaan turns her scowl on him, A'Sharad raises a hand to fend her off. “You know what I normally wear out of respect for the elements, Xiaan. You’ll get no sympathy from me.”

That makes Xiaan pause, looking troubled, and her eyes sweep up and down A'Sharad’s form, then slide back to his face. “I do,” she says, and it’s even, measured. “Though I can't help but notice that you stopped dressing as a Tusken, A'Sharad. Even now that you're back on Tatooine.”

A'Sharad doesn’t answer for a long moment. It’s too easy to remember the roil of Skywalker's hatred, the fury he’d turned on the soldiers they faced. The fury he’d turned on A'Sharad, before knowing he was Human, and something dark and grim traced through A'Sharad’s bones can't help but draw connections in the fact that Anakin stopped trying to kill him once he knew he was genetically a Human. Even weeks together, with A'Sharad doing everything he could to teach Anakin, had been obliterated in a moment by Anakin's hatred.

It’s a powerful force. Too powerful, and A'Sharad has dealt with hate too often in his life, but—Anakin's unnerves him.

“There are fewer misunderstandings when I dress as a Jedi,” he finally offers. “I'm a Tusken, but…the galaxy sees Human and understands that more readily.”

“You were still dressed as a Jedi when you wore your Tusken clothing,” Xiaan points out, quiet. “You're a Tusken Jedi. Clothing doesn’t change that.”

The Order has certainly never objected to A'Sharad’s culture, or his struggles with anger in the wake of his father’s murder. Each Jedi is an individual, a Jedi first and foremost, but—none of them have ever had to give up the culture of their homeworlds.

Still, the memory of Anakin's fury and hatred, and what Anakin confessed, turns A'Sharad’s stomach, sends a thread of doubt rising. He’s a Jedi, and he always has been, has devoted himself body and soul to the Force, but—

People see the Tuskens as animals. Anakin saw nothing else, to the point that he slaughtered a whole tribe, to the point that he almost killed another Jedi because of it. The Order fights a war right now because there's no other option, and sometimes A'Sharad can't help but feel the emotions of those who stand against the Republic armies and…wonder. Wonder how much of the fear is because of what he is, and how much would be removed if he were simply Human. He knows how Anakin reacted to the removal of his mask, after all.

The pain of grief is something that A'Sharad can respect, and the weight of a secret that eats like acid at the conscience is a decent punishment, but his own decision to say nothing weighs at him. Anakin acted out of anger, and if anyone can understand the fall into Dark emotions, it’s A'Sharad. Repentance was lacking, though, and any sort of acknowledgement that the Tuskens he killed were sentient, and A'Sharad…worries. Worries what might happen if the war drags on, and Anakin becomes a Knight, and takes a padawan.

Rot spreads quickly, and the Dark Side is a habit too easily enabled when the whole galaxy lacks light.

“It’s your choice, A'Sharad,” Xiaan says, leaning forward, and her eyes are kind and a little sad. “But you should know that my best friend has always been a Tusken, and him dressing as a Human changes nothing.”

A'Sharad can't help but smile a little, and the ache of this war, of the loss of Bhat, of every clone trooper under his command, still lingers, but—death is a constant, and part of life. Bhat was taken by the desert, as he wanted, and A'Sharad saw to pyres for the troopers, and that’s the most he can do. They’ve departed, and he values them, so he’ll keep moving. And in the meantime, moments like this can offer a little bit of solace.

“Thank you, Xiaan,” he says quietly, and pauses, then offers, “Tell Commander Salvo that he is entirely entitled to his point.”

Xiaan makes a rude sound and closes the connection.

#xiaan amersu #a'sharad hett #commander salvo #my writing #anyway this will eventually be jaster/a'sharad #but for now i just have a lot of feelings about a'sharad and anakin #please take them away from me #it's the arrow in your heart

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dog-day-morning · 3 years

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YOU OWE THEM NOTHING

People can be self-righteous when it comes to what they think God is supposed to do if, and when they call on Him. God is not a genie in a bottle that you rub, and a jinn pops out granting you 3 or 300 wishes. The saying faith without works is dead can be applied here. Have you ever heard of or read the book Daniel Webster and the devil? This tall tale or folklore legend was about a man who made a deal with old Slew Foot, and when it was time to pay up he had 2nd thoughts. Satan never plays fair. He's forever putting us in positions where we find ourselves desperate for a quick solution to a temporary problem that only leads to a difficult end. The Latin term for buyer beware is caveat emptor, and Satan knows how to spell. The power of a wicken comes from their basic weapon of spelling or casting spells by word of mouth. Even the Bible tells us that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Tell that to a Nicolaitan. Those who make deals with the most unclean should expect to suffer in the end. Never trust the father of lies who deals in treachery, and deceit. I look back at my mother's life and wonder if God had ever intervened for her, and fought her battles that surely He and only He would be able to deliver her from, and He has. Life is hard, for many it’s a nightmare that’s ongoing. Satan comes to you when you're at your weakest or most vulnerable in the hopes of snaring your soul into eternal suffering. Jesus comes to deliver us from death, sin, and temptations that confuse us in our trek towards His truth. If you have any aspirations of entertaining people with your gifted voice or your talent for playing lead guitar, don’t sign a contract that promises you the world only to find out you owe them your sweet ass which a man of honor wouldn't consider let alone make you cosign your body for their horn dog appeasement.

Revelation 2:9

9 I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.

You're abundantly rich in spirit Yacob. Now’s the time to claim your position. These bastards have taken everything from you leaving your ancestors nothing but dust. If they could remove us off the face of the Earth they would. They're plotting to do so as you and I breathe, that's why the Father never sleeps. They are demon spawns who say they worship, and believe in God, but whose god, and what righteous god tells you to destroy a people with his blessing knowing what the children of Japheth have done to them historically? The spawns of Satan want your penuche, mouth, titties, and a-hole for their pleasure along with your talent that Justin Timberlake does not have. The new faces of R&B do not look like the people I grew up listening to or the race of people whose songs left an everlasting impression on my bleeding heart that helped me through my ill-fated, miserable existence. Robin Thicke, Christina Aguilera, K-Pop, the BackStreet Boys, and New Kids on the Block. Some of these groups are defunct, but they’re cranking out as many as they possibly can like Justin Bieber, and Demi Lovato. I just saw on YouTube where people were considering if Elvis Presley was Black, WTF?!! He was the biggest culture thief that Dr. Frankenstein, AKA Colonel Parker ever created. Man is cruel; Satan is a whole other type of bastard you shouldn’t entertain. I'm retarded. Some call me an idiot savant. YO MOMMA!!! People are blessed by the Father who has blessed many of us with gifts. There are many of you whom God has endowed with multiple talents that people would sell their soul in order to possess just one. If you're anointed by God to sing like Aretha Franklin may He lead you to sign with a label like Brother Carl Crawford's who won't make the same mistake he did with a very popular artist at this moment. More than likely you'll sign a contract entrusting your talent, blessing, and soul to the most unclean ones. Ain’t a reason in hell you should bow down or bend over for a leach like Mr. Friedman so he can butt bone your a-hole while enriching himself off your God given talents. God blesses those who seek him out, and those that don’t. I don’t know if Eddie Murphy went to Church, and sowed an offering every Sunday to God praying that the Father would make him the highest paid comedic actor in his prime. Richard Pryor was anointed in the womb to be the most blessed comedic talent, and influential comedian to ever walk this Earth bar none yet he and Mr. Murphy pursued their dreams in different ways with both of them becoming world renown. I'm inclined to ask, was it worth it?

Mark 8:36

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

The synagogue of Satan isn’t a trending pop culture manifestation that’s to be esteemed, cherished, or envied. These cults are trying to maintain a stranglehold on a world that’s not meant for them or their sort. People who play with Ouija boards or childhood games like Bloody Mary, and light as a feather are ushering dark spirits into their homes leaving their loved ones exposed to something sinister. Get the hell away from me and mine unless you're my sister, AKA Ms. Skunk Funk, who needs to get the crust burnt off her musty, dusty drawers. The whore of Don Juan has a death wish. Explain to me how running with the devil beats walking with God?

Isaiah 59:7

7 Their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed innocent blood: their thoughts are thoughts of iniquity; wasting and destruction are in their paths.

This Nation was built on our ancestor’s blood, sweat, and relentless faith. Believe me when I say there's strength in every tear. I pray to God that I don’t shed anymore of them. Their wealth is not. It's a stolen Promise that the Father shall reward His children with. Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. The most glaring, and frustrating example that is also bitter and disheartening I can give you is our Promised Inheritance called Yisrael that the gentiles are squatting on. When a person or in this case a tribe or race of people believe in their own lies they've become reprobate; they're lost.

Revelation 3:9

9 Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee.

This is what all of Esau's children fear. It's why the bland, colored people of the world are flipping over the Earth's axis, and killing us without any probable cause. They are a lawless people who've displayed their lack of empathy, and humanity for anyone save their own breed, they behave like blood hounds. I've become content with this planet being void of water (Holy Spirit.) Black people suffer from a social disorder called the crab bucket mentality. We hate to see anyone rise up, and we’ll do whatever it takes to keep them down or discourage them. That person may possess something that can benefit the collective, who cares. He who possesses that blessing needs to haul tail ASAP before the winter comes knowing the Father will bless him, and a downtrodden people beyond their wildest dreams. This is why Yeshua, and His Father call us children. It's why I pray, and bemoan to the Father daily that He slays me, putting the fear of the Lord in the heathen and His Son Christ Jesus uses us for His purpose. God doesn't need us, we need Him. He's given us so much power, and authority. When you acquire it, use it for something other than satisfying your sinful, carnal, flesh minded desires. Men, don't behave like horn dogs, and women do not behave as Aholah, and Aholibah, 2 whores.

Numbers 32:24

24 Build you cities for your little ones, and folds for your sheep; and do that which hath proceeded out of your mouth.

Out of thine own mouth you have power to tread over snakes and scorpions. You can exorcise demons and devils out of your present life braking generational curses which is what I' want for a family that's disowned me. To God be the glory. God is telling us to declare a thing, and claim it. What a mighty, just God we serve. Your tongue will become a weapon to use against the lawless ones who use theirs recklessly in their attempts to get us arrested or murdered by local, and federal authorities. You can call it giving them a taste of their own medicine, it isn't. You're reclaiming what they've taken, stolen, including those of us they've murdered.

Isaiah 54:17

17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. Speak positive prayers out loud if you can. If you live with your family or have a roommate pray in the closet. You'll have favor with God that many people won't. They rebuked the Lord, and their anger did tear perpetually, and they kept their wrath forever. When they use their privilege, which is what we call it more often than they, comprehending they’re fully aware knowing they use it with a Demonic, driven hatred. They persecute Black men, women, and children for reasons that are not godly, and the Father does not condone. They, and all the Earth will have to answer for our individual sins against the Father in the end.

Luke 10:19

19 Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you.

We don’t worship the same god as they do. They're praying to a god to erase us off the face of the Earth. Why hasn't he?.

Exodus 1:12

12 But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the children of Israel.

Their birth rate is dropping steadily. For the first time in the history of the census they decreased in population globally while indigenous, and other races of people stayed steady or in our case increased. This is the reasoning behind these draconian abortion laws. They're trying to preserve themselves while God is eliminating the Earth of their bloody dominion. God is sending the wicked a message before the storm comes, but no one's listening. Their violence towards us is documented, and more often it's unprovoked. They continue with the guilty until proven worthy of their mercy dogmatic mantra which is racist BS. The Earth will be lulled back to sleep. When they're confident that their world isn't in danger of being challenged by anyone, especially us. That's when God will do things that will scare them right back to the caucasus mountains bringing destruction to those who've touched, bruised, and abused the Apple of His eye. Speak life into your angel spirit, don’t entertain the demon seed that's trying to kill you, and the rest of Earth's indigenous people. You have much authority, use it. Elohim. 9/23/2021

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writingwithcolor · 4 years

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Find your next diverse read! #2 (WWC Reader Publications)

We asked you to tell us about your publications, and here they are!

These are the eleven (11) books submitted to us, written by Writing With Color readers.

Book Titles

Always Darkest

Commonwealth

Faerie Rising: The First Book of Binding

Fate (The St. Cloud Chronicles)

A Hero’s Tale

Less than Three

Moonrise

Not So Stories Anthology

OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes

The Path to Dawn

To Whom it Doesn't Concern

Book Descriptions

Title: Always Darkest

Author: Jess and Keith Flaherty | @demonsrunlit Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: Supernatural meets Good Omens with a dash of romance and divine chaos.‪ Ben wants a vacation away from Hell, but Mal reveals a path to redemption instead. ‬ On the run from Heaven and Hell, a demon becomes a hero. Themes/Elements: Dark Fantasy, Paranormal Romance MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: White Other Diversity: LQBTQAI+, Religion

Title: Commonwealth (Patreon series)

Author: Adam Lee Series: No Buy: Patreon Premise: In a near-future U.S. that’s become a hyper-capitalist dystopia of inequality and climate change, a small band of dreamers fight to bring back the vanished era when people worked together and helped each other. Themes/Elements: Individualism vs. mutuality, capitalism vs. socialism MC Race/Ethnicity: Biracial black/white Other Characters: Latino (Mexican), Jewish, Japanese/Chinese Other Diversity: Economic and environmental justice, sexism and pregnancy discrimination

Title: Faerie Rising: The First Book of Binding

Author: A. E. Lowan | @aelowan (multiple authors) Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise:

Winter Mulcahy is the last wizard in the city of Seahaven, WA and all that stands between the fractious preternatural population and total chaos. Holding the city together by the skin of her teeth, the blood of her friends, and an addiction to stimulants that is slowly killing her, the young wizard is approached by a pair of sidhe lords. They claim that her city is harboring a fugitive who has kidnapped a sidhe prince, and that they are on a mission to rescue the boy.

Winter must investigate this fugitive to get to the truth of the kidnapping, discover the cause of the surges of wild magic tearing open rifts between realms across her city, and navigate the deadly waters of preternatural politics before Seahaven both figuratively and literally rips itself apart.

Themes/Elements: Addiction, redemption, found families MC Race/Ethnicity: (multiple POVS)

Young black hero just coming into his powers

Teenage wizard who proves that weight won’t slow her down

Physician at the breaking point who is addicted to stimulants

Two bisexual men in a dance of attraction (one survivor of childhood sexual assault)

Young trans man who will play a larger role in the second book

Gay Viking vampire king and his lover.

Afro-Latina wolf queen

Afro-Latino Lion King

Title: FATE

Author: Jade Stewart | @j-a-stewart Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: FATE is a YA fantasy novel about a teenage girl from the Bronx who realizes there’s more to her new home in Buffalo, and herself, than meets the eye. Themes/Elements: Urban fantasy, magic/wizards, werewolves, vampires, benefits of hard work, fate, moving to a new city, romance, revenge MC Race/Ethnicity: African-American Other Characters: Japanese, Jamaican-American and Romanian (mixed race), & American Other Diversity/Topics: Anti-bullying, high school, friendship

Title: A Hero’s Tale

Author: J. Stern | @theactualjstern Series: No Buy: Amazon Premise: Sam Garrett is determined to be a normal kid in spite of his superpowers, only to have his resolve questioned when his powers are exposed to the world and he becomes the target of a powered villain determined to remove all powered from the world. Themes/Elements: coming of age, superhero MC Race/Ethnicity: African American Other Characters: Black, mixed race Philipino and Mexican, Greek Other Diversity: queer characters of color (bisexual and trans), queer characters, disability (Deaf), mental illness (PTSD, anxiety), gender parity of characters

Title: Less than Three

Author: Téa Belog | @transannabeth Series: No Buy: Amazon | Books2Read | Goodreads Premise: Ren has been in love with his best friend for the past three years, Calliope has spent most of her life dancing, and Ingrid plans to start over in college, to go beyond what held her back in high school. Less Than Three is a collection of three short stories about a group of friends. Together, they shoulder their way through romance, all-nighters, and the occasional dragon. Themes/Elements: Romance, friendship, coming of age, mental illness, and college MC Race/Ethnicity: Japanese and Black (Calliope and Ingrid respectively, individual POVs) Other Characters: Indian, Vietnamese, and white Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ (trans and nonbinary characters, gay characters), depression

Title: Moonrise (interactive novel)

Author: Natalie Cannon Series: No Buy: Choice of Games Premise: You’re here. You’re queer. You’re a werewolf. Who will you kiss under the moonlight? Themes/Elements: queer femme werewolves, fighting for humanity or giving into the beast, romance, aligning with the tradition of the Masquerade or breaking free with the desperate Rogues, found family MC Race/Ethnicity: Intentionally left up to player interpretation Other Characters: Black, Japanese, Mexican, Jewish Other Diversity: Lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, polyamorous, aromantic, trans, nonbinary gender options and/or characters. Amputee character. Mental illness mention

Title: Not So Stories Anthology

Author: Multiple authors of colour Series: No Buy: Goodreads Premise: Rudyard Kipling's Just So Stories was a timeless classic. It is also deeply rooted in British colonialism. Not So Stories attempts to redress the balance, bringing together new and established writers of colour from around the world to take the Just So Stories back; giving voices to cultures that were long deprived them. Themes/Elements: Fantasy, ghost stories, fairy tales. MC Race/Ethnicity: Various Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ characters

Title: OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes

Author: Emilie Nantel | @emilienantel Series: No Buy: Emilie Nantel Premise: A queer, polyamorous romcom for millennials, OPEN: A Tale of Love, Mermaids, Bassists, & Creepy Dudes is the story of Amy, bi, 25, in an open relationship, navigating the ups – dating gorgeous people – and downs – trying to avoid creeps – of the Montreal dating scene, when she falls in love with a hot bassist. This was not part of the plan. Themes/Elements: Queer found family, polyamorous relationship, friendship breakups MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: Black endgame love interest; half Filipina/half White best friend Other Diversity: Polyamory, bisexual MC, a cast all across the LGBTQIA+ community, MC is fat and has anxiety.

Title: The Path to Dawn

Author: Miri Castor | @miricastor Series: Yes Buy: Amazon Premise: Opal Charm is still grieving the loss of her brother when she meets a mysterious student in her class. Through their budding friendship, Opal discovers she has special powers, powers that brother once had. But she must learn how to wield them before an evil force destroys all that she loves. Themes/Elements: PoC kids/teens with superpowers, platonic relationships, family ties, light and darkness MC Race/Ethnicity: Black Other Characters: Filipino Other Diversity: LGBTQIA+ (Book 2) & depression

Title: To Whom it Doesn't Concern

Author: Wisdom A. Yarborough Series: No Buy: Amazon | Goodreads Premise: (TW Suicide)

A kid at Mortimer’s school has thrown himself off the roof. Everyone is freaking out, and trying to deal with the situation, while Mortimer wants this all to just pass as quickly as possible. It wasn’t like he was close to the kid who died, so there’s no reason to be concerned, or to even care? …Right?

Themes/Elements: Dealing with loss/grief, Suicide/Depression/Mental Health & Healing MC Race/Ethnicity: White Other Characters: Topher, the love interest, is Pakistani-American. Mortimer’s ex girlfriend is black.

Other Diversity: Topher is Canonically Pansexual, Mortimer realizes he’s bisexual throughout the story, Many characters suffer with depression, and depression/suicide/suicidal thoughts are a huge part of the themes of the story, and coping with those feelings.

Read the first book share here: Find your next diverse read #1

Folks - If you read any of these books, please leave the author a review.

WWC Reader Publications - Winter 2019/2020

#wwc #wwc post #writing with color #books #Book Recommendations #diversity #ownvoices #diverse books #authors of color #authors #find your next diverse read #long post

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sirpoley · 4 years

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On the Four Table Legs of Traveller, Leg 1: Mortgages

Mongoose Traveller's starship mortgage-payment-system is the most brilliant game mechanic I've ever encountered, as a DM. It's also the first rule I'd ignore if I wasn't consciously trying to play the game exactly how it's described in the book.

A Bit of Background

I've been involved in two Traveller campaigns in the past as a player (both with the same DM), and am currently DMing a third. All of them are using Mongoose's first edition. I've never played any other edition of traveller, and know almost nothing about the history of the game. I don't know which mechanics are unique to this edition of Traveller and which have been around for decades.

In the campaigns in which I was a player, I think the DM was continually frustrated with the rules of the game. He wanted to run a tight, story-focused campaign and picked up Traveller assuming it would be, essentially, D&D in space. For his second campaign, he chopped out huge chunks of the ruleset and replaced it with homebrew ones, removing space travel and Traveller's quirky character creation entirely. This worked for the game he wanted to run (he's an extraordinarily talented DM), but I think we all came away feeling pretty lukewarm about the actual rules.

Bored out of my mind in lockdown, desperate for anything to shake up the daily routine, I picked up the copy of Traveller that had been sitting on my bookshelf, untouched, and skimmed through it. In a mood of "I'll humour this weird rulebook," I followed the random subsector creation chapter to the letter, creating a surprisingly-well fleshed out chunk of space to play around in.

It was then that I realized I'd never actually played Traveller. So I dragged my partner along in an experiment: let's play Traveller, exactly how it is described in the book, no matter how flat-out insane the rules seem to be. I will only consider houseruling or changing a rule once we've both figured out what it's for. I learned a ton in this experiment, so, during my kid's naps (oh, right, I have a daughter now, that's where I disappeared to, Internet), I'll write about what I've learned.

(The Carlia Subsector. Not pictured: along with this map is a LONG word document describing the atmosphere, gravity, population, tech level, cultural quirks, government, etc. of the main world in each of these systems, plus a huge table of the price of dozens of trade goods on each planet. These, it turns out, are crucial game aids. I'll get into them later.)

Traveller, I've learned, is a table held up by four legs: Finances, Character Creation, Patrons, and Random Encounters. If you remove any of these legs, the rest of the game stops working. Following them, as described, gives you a rip-roaring swashbuckling adventure of fighting pirates, escaping bounty hunters, smuggling, jailbreaks, and all that good stuff you want in a campaign—but it happens spontaneously. I'll get into it more in detail, but for now, we're going to talk about finances in Traveller.

Yes, the Game Is About Mortgage Payments

The central driving mechanic of Traveller is making mortgage payments for your starship. The assumption is that the player characters are part-owners of an FTL-capable starship that's more expensive than any one person, or any ten people, could ever afford outright. The game (thankfully) provides a quick way to calculate your starship's mortgage payments (something like the value of the ship/240 per month), and for all of the example ships in the book, gives them to you pre-calculated. In the case of my solo campaign, my partner owed the bank a whopping 500,000 credits a month for her Corsair. For scale, that's the exact same price as the single most powerful gun in the game (the "Fusion Gun, Man Portable"), owed monthly. In D&D terms, she had to raise the equivalent of a +5 Longsword every. Single. Month.

(In addition to mortgage payments are smaller fees: life support (i.e., food and water), crew salaries, fuel, and ship maintenance, but the mortgage is by far the largest single expense, so that's what I'll focus on).

I started my partner out with a fueled up and fully-crewed ship (we used pre-generated NPC stats from the middle of the book for her crew, plus an NPC who was generated during her character creation, which I'll get into later). Character creation started her with 10,000 credits, and I told her she had until the end of the month to multiply that by fifty times.

Debt Leads to Trade

The fastest way by far in Traveller to make money is to interact with the very well fleshed-out trade rules. Each spaceship has a certain amount of tons of cargo it can carry, and each world has a list of trade goods for sale at various prices. So the clear way to raise that 500 grand was to speculatively buy trade goods, pick up passengers and freight, deliver mail, and so on. These rules are generous; by stacking modifiers, it's possible to reliably quadruple your principal every time you reach a new planet (which happens every week).

I think my old DM severely nerfed the trade rules (he also didn't enforce mortgage payments, leaving them on the cutting room floor like D&D's Encumbrance rules) due to this seemingly-unbalanced generosity. Again: the best gun in the game is 500,000 credits—so how on earth can a system that lets you make hundreds, even millions, of credits by trading stand?

Well, it turns out, the bank simply taking 95% of your player's earnings every month severely dampens potentially-snowballing nonlinear growth, so my partner and I never saw the kind of wealth explosion that looks inevitable from the rules as written, despite her scraping together everything she could do maximize profits. In all the time we've been playing, despite having already made millions of credits, she actually hasn't been able to buy a gun better than her starting laser pistol, or, in fact, any armour at all. I'll get to why in a moment, because the most important thing about the trade system is that…

Trade Leads to Travel

Garden worlds sell cheap food. High-population worlds buy food for a high price. High-population worlds sell manufactured goods that are in high-demand on non-industrial worlds, and so on. In a quest to maximize profits, the party was locked into a continual tour of the subsector I generated earlier, constantly moving from place to place. Staying put for any length of time meant letting time trickle away (time that could be spent raking in cash for crippling mortgage payments), so that wasn't an option. What wound up happening was that the party went on a self-guided tour of the subsector, stopping in at colourful worlds I'd generated earlier. This happened entirely without me, as DM, having to dangle bait in front of the party the way that I always have to in D&D. Travel is good, because…

Travel Leads to Conflict

I've already spoken at length on the subject of random encounters here, but Traveller really builds the game around random tables in an elegant way. Every time the party jumps from one world to another, there's a chance they'll get waylaid by pirates (the rulebook has a fun, albeit hidden, 'pirate table' that describes different tricks and hijinks that pirates use to attack). 'Pirates' in Traveller are spaceship owners unable to pay their mortgages by legitimate means, so turn to piracy. The fact that the party is always carrying their life savings in trade commodities whenever they travel around makes them a prime target for piracy, and leads to combat with stakes beyond "fight till everyone's dead." The pirates aren't orcs, and don't want to kill the players for no reason. They want to take their cargo and get away as quickly as possible, suffering the least damage as possible, and the players want the opposite. Thus: pre-combat negotiations, tricks, hijinks (my partner, carrying a cargo of "domestic goods," chose to have her crew throw individual toasters out of the cargo bay each in different directions to ensure that the pirates had to engage in lengthy EVA-missions to catch them each, thus allowing her ship to escape without suffering damage).

Traveller's starship battle rules are fun (and integrate into boarding actions that results in player-scale combat), and are triggered primarily just by moving around. Conflict is fun by itself (that's why combat rules are most of the rules in most games), but in this context, have the added advantage, as…

Conflict Leads to Tradeoffs

It became clear to my partner after her first run-in with pirates that her ship and crew were under-gunned. While buying powerful weapons and armour is trivially cheap compared to the amount of money she was raking in through trade (most weapons cap out at a few thousand credits, and she was moving hundreds of thousands a week), actually getting her hands on some was another matter.

Good weapons in Traveller are advanced ones, which have a high-TL (tech level) rating. These weapons are only available on high-TL worlds (each world has a TL rating generated in subsector generation). Making a detour from trading to buy 'adventuring equipment' wound up being an extremely costly endeavour, taking the party weeks out of the way of the most profitable trade route. The closest world in which these weapons exist also outlaws all weapons (various laws are generated procedurally as well) which means engaging in black market smuggling (which is fleshed out in the rules) and risks run-ins with the law.

Compounding this problem was that her Corsair took minor damage in the combat with the pirates, and the nearest world with a shipyard capable of repairing the ship was different from, and out of the way of, the high tech world with fancy fusion guns. Also, getting the ship repaired meant that it would be in drydock for days or even weeks, which incurs an opportunity cost of almost a million credits that could have been made during trade…

Tradeoffs lead to Debt

In her case, she wound up getting her ship repaired, forgoing arming herself and her crew, and skirting dangerously close to bankruptcy kicking her heels as her ship was patched up. There isn't an easy answer to what she 'ought' to have done, which was fun as hell. Further, as a DM, I wasn't annoyed that she was 'messing up the plot' by staying put (or frustrated that she wasn't going to my elaborately-plotted narrative that would occur when she tried to buy black market weapons) because there was no plot. Everything that came about emerged procedurally.

The 'Loop'

The beating heart of a Traveller sandbox campaign is this loop:

Without DM intervention (or Patrons, which are sort of procedurally-generated adventure hooks), this loop can sustain a campaign pretty much indefinitely. What this means as a DM is that any DM-interventions (i.e., adding in pre-written adventure hooks or encounters or whatever) can be attached to any of these steps to allow it to come about during play. It also means that if you don't have any pre-scripted content (to choose an example completely at random, let's just say your hypothetical one-year-old threw your notes in a toilet) you can just sit back and let the loop above take care of providing entertainment.

To bring this back to mortgages, if your players don't have the threat of having their spaceship repossessed by the bank hanging over them like the Doom of Damocles, then the whole system breaks down, and the DM has to do all the heavy lifting of providing character motivation to go explore new planets.

Next, we'll talk about how Traveller's patron system ties into all of this.

#TravellerRPG #Traveller #FourLegsofTraveller

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molkolsdal · 3 years

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Pakistan's Transgender Community Is Hiding Out in a Hostile City

As Peshawar has come under increasing sway of an extremist view of Islam, its community of transgender hijras has been increasingly marginalized.

By Beenish Ahmed, 16/05/2014 Photos by Abdul Majeed Goraya

"My father used to beat me and ask, 'Why do you have to go around pretending to be a girl?'"

Now at 35, she says her cheeks burn and fists tighten if anyone refers to her as a man.

Khushboo, whose name means fragrance, classifies herself as a hijra, a South Asian gender designation that encompasses transgender and transexual people, as well as transvestites and eunuchs.

She has a different definition for herself and the estimated hundreds of thousands of other hijras across the region. "Our souls are female and our bodies are male," she says, dipping a rag into a red plastic pail filled with a chalky mixture of water and face powder. Surrounded by a group of several other hijras in a room they call their "office," Khushboo smears the dripping rag over her face and adds, "I've known I was a hijra since I was a child."

She used to wear her sisters' clothes. At 16, Khushboo slipped out of the house in one of their outfits and didn't return home for years. Along with another hijra, she settled in Peshawar, a city in northwestern Pakistan one night's drive from the costal city of Karachi where she'd grown up.

Peshawar has long been home to cultural traditions that insist on strict gender segregation, and the city has come under increasing sway of an extremist view of Islam in recent years. These intolerant, conservative beliefs are made brutally clear through the bombings and shootings that are now near-weekly occurrences. Taliban suicide bombers killed 85 worshippers at a church there last September, and militants killed thirteen people at a cinema showing pornographic movies in February. Lesser attacks are momentary blips on local news coverage featuring bloodied streets and blaring sirens.

Khushboo points to battered doors and broken windows around her. She says young men—"college boys" she calls them—wreak havoc on her and fellow hijras who are preparing for a dance performance later that night. Sometimes the men recite scripture and beat the hijras to shame them out of their profession as dancers, and other times they force them to dance or even rape them, she tells me.

Despite the extremism that has only further marred the city since her arrival nearly 20 years ago, Khushboo has an affinity for Peshawar because it's where she had a sort of rebirth as her new self.

Free from the abuse of her father and brothers, as well as the sense of dishonor she felt on behalf of her mother and sisters, Khushboo embraced a new life of openness—and was adopted into a new family.

"In this field we have mothers. We have gurus. We have uncles and aunts," she says, and then points to a girl who's rolling a spliff in the corner of the room. "She's my daughter. I'm a daughter of someone so she has a grandmother too. And," Khushboo adds, "She also has a father."

That last bit comes so quickly that I almost miss it. I inquire further about the girl's "papa" and Khushboo says, "Her father is married to someone else, but he loves me." She then goes on to explain what their relationship entails—and it's all very practical until it gets utterly tragic: "If I'm sick, he comes by and brings me medicine," she says proudly. "If I don't have money he drops some cash off. If I die, it's this man who will dress me up as a man and take my body to his house to carry out the cemetery. He might not explain the full story and just say that I was killed in the market or that there was some kind of shooting, but he's the one who will take care of the funeral."

I can't help but think that this grim possibility is one that Khushboo has discussed with her "husband"—and one that he too has come to terms with.

"In Pakistani society, there is a really strong [sense of] place and family," says Dr. Jamil Ahmad Chitrali, a professor of anthropology. "There is no alternative for anyone."

Based at the University of Peshawar, Chitrali has written about the city's hijra community. He says that by forging the same sorts of familial connections that they left behind, hijras create a social order that mimics the very society from which many of them fled.

"It's forcing all those revolutionary individuals who are against those binaries of man and woman to come into a structure which is reaffirming patriarchy," he says.

Pakistan's hijras have made some strides in recent years despite their rather isolated existence. In 2012, the Pakistani Supreme Court allowed for a "third gender" category to be added to national identity cards, which effectively gave hijras increased legal standing. It's because of this broader recognition that hijras could vote in that year's presidential election—at least five hijras even ran for office.

But the third gender classification has made little practical difference in Khusbhoo's life. "We live in a third world," she says, the difference between her life and that of a cisgender person just as stark as the difference between life in Pakistan, and say, Monaco.

And, she says, no matter what she does, she'll always be seen as different.

"Even if I give up dancing, everyone will still call me a hijra so what's the point? Why not do what I love?" She adds that even if she were to become a traveling evangelist, her family would still regard her with the same disdain. "I'm better off staying a hijra."

And that's the hardest thing that Khushboo has to face: her family. She got back in touch with them after five years of not speaking, and goes to see them in Karachi at least once a year. But when she does, she goes dressed as a man.

Though she moves about as a woman in Peshawar, Khushboo wears a black floor length, full-sleeved robe (or abaya), and a face covering (or niqab) that reveals only her eyes to hide herself from prying eyes. Even so, she's been thrown out of several houses by people who fear hijras will ruin their neighborhood.

While they occupy a marginalized space across Pakistan, hijras are probably worst off in Peshawar. In all of the other major cities in the country, they are frequent sites at traffic intersections or in shopping centers where they offer a prayer for a few rupees. Many passersby fear denying them might mean a curse and so will either oblige quickly or turn away completely.

I've spent a lot of time in Peshawar over the years, and have never seen hijras out in public the way they are in other cities. After speaking with Professor Chitrali, I learned that might be because hijras have a different role in the Pathan society that dominates the Peshawar area. In this part of the country, hijras aren't seen to have some sort of greater spiritual connection than cisgender people—instead, their role is celebratory. They're often asked to sing and dance at weddings and births.

"It's their performance which gives [a family] social recognition," Chitrali says, though the tradition is fading as weddings move from family houses into wedding halls. Some might have other professions—Khushboo says she has hijra friends who are lawyers and pilots and act cisgender in order to maintain their jobs, though they're free to "be themselves" with her and other hijras. Due to a lack of societal acceptance, many hijras live marginalized lives as low-income entertainers, but they've got a bit of a role as educators, too. Hijras sometimes teach—or even initiate—young men into sex. For many in Peshawar who live by strict religious and cultural codes that denounce almost any pre-marital interaction between the sexes as sinful, hijras provide a sort of in-between, or a "cushion," as Chitrali calls it.

"If you cross the domain of manhood into womanhood, that is against the culture, that is crossing your limits. But you can always move into the gray area, so this hijra community, in that sense, in a clear binary of man and woman among Pathans, [forms] a gray area." But he says that this "learning experience" is becoming less common with such how-to's readily available on the internet.

In Peshawar's increasingly religiously-motivated milieu, the presence of hijras—be they dancers or sex workers—is frowned upon and politicians vie for favor by pushing them out of their homes and worksites.

Seeing this, Malik Iqbal says he wanted to do something. "I sympathize with them because no one gives them any space," he tells me.

He rents out the office that Khusboo and her fellow hijras use to prepare for their dances.

"I didn't used to be on their side," Iqbal says. "Now I help them. I say they're humans too. We should have some empathy for that reason. Not just me, everyone should empathize with them as people."

But some believe Iqbal's connection to hijras goes beyond a shared humanity. Though he refuses to speak about it, Iqbal was arrested in 2010 for attempting to marry a hijra called Rani. Such a union would be illegal under Pakistani law, which only recognizes marriages between men and women. He has repeatedly denied the charge and claimed that police were trying to extort money from hijras at an event that wasn't a marriage but an innocent birthday party. Either way, the shock the story garnered reveals just how far removed everyday Pakistanis are from the hijra community. A big-grossing film called Bol, or Speak—released in 2011—may have helped some, but real connections like Iqbal's remain few.

And not everyone in close proximity to hirjas is sympathetic. Noor Illahi, who owns a grain shop down the street from the hijras' office, doesn't have a problem with the hijras themselves or even their work, but thinks they should find some other place to go. "My work has suffered because of them. The other storeowners and I, we think they should be given some place off to the side. It should be separate."

He's worked in his store for 15 years and says that sales have dropped fifty percent since the hijras set up shop next door a few years ago. "There are a lot of fights here now. They create quite a scene sometimes."

The raucousness has driven away his customers. Those who stop in the area are more interested in the hijras than the sacks of flour he has for sale.

"I'm not personally offended by them. But look," he says, pointing to a group of several white shalwar kameez-clad men loitering outside the hijra's building. "These poor people have earned just three or four hundred rupees all day ($3-4) and they'll come here and waste it all on them."

The men are all rickshaw drivers. One by one, they go on the record to deny being there to solicit sex. "We're just here to chit chat with them," one says while peering over his shoulder to see if any of the hijras have come out into the alley. "It's a totally innocent relationship that we have with them."

Back up in the hijras' office, the lights have gone out as a part of the rolling power outages that have frustrated Pakistanis for years. It might be another hour before they're ready to leave for their performance. When they do, they'll be cloaked in massive shawls and under the cover of night.

#long post #Pakistan #lgbtq #ASIA #transgender #hijra #gender #peshawar #beenish ahmed #Abdul Majeed Goraya

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theunderdogwrites · 3 years

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If you have a problem with Cookie Monster, then I have a problem with you.

Someone recently asked me how I come up with things to write about and post. Well, these posts are bona fide dumps of random thoughts that sneak in when I’m not engaging any part of my brain. I love them because they’re unpolished and exactly how my mind endlessly prattles on in conversation with itself. Truth be told, it’s usually in the shower. And the dumping of these words here is comparable to spring cleaning. It helps to declutter the mind too from time to time.

Last week my Mom and I were talking about the recent decision by Dr. Seuss Enterprises to stop publishing six of their books because of racist and insensitive imagery. For all the people screaming out there – THE COMPANY MADE THIS CHOICE. They were not forced by cancel culture, but rather listened and took feedback from audiences including teachers, academics and specialists in the field as part of a review process. This is called being responsible and allowing for growth through intelligent conversations. The company recognizes that certain depictions of Asians and Black people are hurtful and wrong and have taken steps to acknowledge these facts. They are NOT banning these books and have said they’re committed to listening and learning going forward.

Here is the list of the six book titles and the year they were first published:

- And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street (1937)

- McElligot’s Pool (1947)

- If I Ran the Zoo (1950)

- Scrambled Eggs Super! (1953)

- On Beyond Zebra (1955)

- The Cat’s Quizzer (1976)

Have you ever stumbled upon a journal or something you wrote 10 years ago and it made you cringe? Anyone who says NO to this is probably in possession of some of the worst poetry by their hand, in the world. I know that if I was to release some of the stuff I wrote down from a number of years ago (and in reality, some stuff as recent as 3-4 years ago) I’d be embarrassed by their level of absolute lameness. I write with emotion and unless you’re Tucker Carlson or stunted inside from your head to your toes, you know what it means to evolve. It is what we’re supposed to do, otherwise we are simply stuck in one place forever and I for one can’t think of anything more grotesque than remaining the same.

“You are being presented with a choice: evolve or remain. If you choose to remain unchanged, you will be presented with the same challenges, the same routine, the same storms, the same situations, until you learn from them, until you love yourself enough to say “no more”, until you choose change.

If you choose to evolve, you will connect with the strength within you, you will explore what lies outside the comfort zone, you will awaken to love, you will become, you will be. You have everything you need.

Choose to evolve. Choose love.”

Creig Crippen

It is OK to make mistakes, especially when you don’t know any better. Applying how we have grown as a society to the way we behaved 80 years ago is absurd. We are allowed the opportunity to become better before an angry mob comes along and without discussion wants to rip our character to shreds. There are so many chances for real conversations to promote development that are not happening because people are being so quick to condemn and cancel. Fucking stop it! You’re not a crusader. You’re not the moral authority. You are not the Universe’s gift to man/womankind placed here to draw red circles and X’s on every little thing you deem ‘incorrect’. What you are, I suspect, is empty. And I do not know what it is you’re missing, but you won’t find it in a state of ‘over-wokeness’ and tumbling around looking to smite Cookie Monster for passionately enjoying baked goods.

There have been calls to tear down statues and eradicate movies and people for basically what is THE PAST. If you have an actual working time machine, I suppose you can go back to the set of ‘Dirty Harry’ because apparently:

“The film mocks liberal judges and do-gooders, and the villain claims police brutality, planting the seed that other such charges are fake moves to get sympathy.”

I can’t even with that one.

The removal of statues… ok, I understand this one. But I am not of the mind where these statues should be destroyed and essentially erased from history. I am fully onboard with placing the offending bronzed individuals into a museum with a plaque stating something along the lines of: ‘Once upon a time many of us had some crazy fear-based ideas and poor ethics that marginalized large groups of our fellow human beings and created negative stereotypes resulting in a great deal of hurt. We are trying to be better than those placed before you behind the velvet ropes.’

The past cannot be expunged. But it can be a teaching tool. And in some cases, the past can be used to say – “We still suck, but we’re at least trying to evolve into improved people!”

Sadly, instead, we’re taking down Pepé Le Pew. Let’s not believe women when they come forward with claims of sexual abuse, but let’s ban together and get this cartoon skunk with perceived rapist qualities, cancelled. Bravo. Has Pepé Le Pew been a naughty guy? Well, if you break down his actions through the lens of adults – he is incredibly aggressive and borders on being a pervert. I also suspect he’s a chronic masturbater. I grew up watching Looney Tunes (which should surprise NO ONE) and I never liked that skunk. But not because he was overly persistent in his search for love, rather because he was so obnoxious. Worst character on the show. If anything, the French should be offended because I grew up believing all French people were smelly, forceful jerks.

I am flabbergasted at what we are finding urgent and of significance these days. We allow ourselves to become distracted with the stupidest things; revealing exactly where our priorities are placed. Now do not come at me and accuse me of saying racism is not important. Sit your little crusading ass back down because that is not a thought I’d ever possess. This post is not about racism.

I do not give a flying fuck if you hate Megan Markle, love Megan Markle or think Oprah practices her reactionary facial expressions daily in the mirror, but the fact a pregnant woman went on TV in front of MILLIONS of people and admitted to being suicidal while pregnant with her first child and was met with indifference, ridicule and hate… is fucking disgusting.

The mental health status of a pregnant mother is less important than going after Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street because he is misrepresenting homelessness. Oscar is NOT homeless. He lives in a garbage can and if you knew anything, you’d know that garbage can is spacious and in terms of square footage, it is probably the most expensive home in the neighborhood. See? I can distract with silly things too.

I am going to end all this randomness with a warning…

Victor Frankenstein created his monster from old body parts and strange chemicals and it was brought to life by a mysterious spark. The monster is large and strong but with the intelligence of a newborn. Victor abandons the monster, leaving him confused and when he tries to integrate himself into society, he is shunned. Seeking revenge on his creator, he kills Victor’s younger brother. Then after Victor destroys his work on the female monster meant to ease the monster’s pain and solitude, the monster murders Victor’s best friend and then his new wife.

Ok, I think it is wonderful that our society is taking inventory of certain items and doing our best to right some wrongs… even though I believe many people are being persnickety assholes. But what has been created recently… let’s call it ‘cancel culture’, where “THEY” (please someone tell me who all the THEY people are because I’d like to know who is this organized) seemingly go in search of people, places and things to ostracise… is starting to create a monster of a backlash. (Again, this is not about race/racism so don’t start chirping about white privilege etc.)

If you listen carefully, you can hear the groaning. And the frustration. This isn’t about going after history or childhood memories and bleaching them clean of inappropriateness by today’s standards, it’s about trying to control what people are allowed to think, feel and speak. And the people are getting annoyed. Just like Frankenstein’s Monster when his grotesque appearance wasn’t accepted by society. And we all know what happened next.

#dr seuss #pepe le pew #cancel culture #frankenstiensmonster #oscarthegrouch #megan markle #covid

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raisedbyfandomwolves · 4 years

Note

Prompt request: Future speculation fic for PiaD: Given how soul-matey and loved Karamel are together, I’m wondering how either party would handle someone flirting with them blatantly when they’re together. Would the other get jealous? Would they even realize? Especially given what we know about them now. How would they handle it. But if it’s too spoilery for PiaD, it can be set in the TV verse.

(Okay, I’m starting with a small disclaimer: I couldn’t resist writing this for PiaD instead of the show since requests like this are probably only going to come once in a blue moon. However, in order to avoid spoiling something in the future arc, I’ve removed the relevant spoiler element for this ficlet. (You’ll know what it is when the time comes.) Other than that, it’s pretty much PiaD-compliant so I hope you like it!)

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Sometimes, when her work schedule allows for it, Kara heads down to the bar to watch Mon-El work.

As much as she likes all the time they spend by themselves now just like they did in the dream world, she likes seeing him socialising with others even and especially those outside her own circle of family and friends. He's in his element here, his effortless charm and his knowledge of drinks, languages and cultures making it so easy for him to talk to nearly every alien that walks in.

It's one of the simple joys in life for her, seeing him all smiles as he has a friendly chat with a regular or even talking to him herself while he dutifully cleans glasses during a lull in business.

She is not, however, enjoying it right now because he is chatting with a very beautiful Baxxien who is very obviously flirting with him complete with casual arm touches and glowing facial stripes.

And he's not doing anything to discourage her attention.

It shouldn't bother her. That's what Kara tells herself over and over as she tries not to stare – glare, really, but she's not going to admit that to anyone but herself – or eavesdrop on the conversation. Mon-El loves her, for one, and she's absolutely not the type of person who's so insecure about her relationship that she disapproves of her partner doing so much as talking to another woman.

Except no matter how many times she repeats those facts in her head, it doesn't make the twisting feeling in her stomach go away.

What doesn't help is the fact that he isn't doing or saying anything to discourage the Baxxien's advances.

Maybe he hasn't noticed. That's totally possible, right? Eve complains she's never been able to tell when a guy is hitting on her so maybe the same is true for him? But he's the prince of Daxam; surely he's more than familiar-

“Kara?”

His voice cuts through the cacophony in her mind and she nearly jumps out of her stool in surprise. He looks as startled as she feels, his blue-grey eyes wide as he locks gazes with her. “M-Mon-El!”

“Are you okay?” he asks, curious and a touch worried as he rests his hand on the counter close enough to hers that she can feel his familiar warmth. “If you stared at your drink any harder, I'd start suspecting you of trying to boil it with your heat vision.”

“I'm fine,” she tries to lie even though she knows it's futile; admitting that she's being irrationally jealous and insecure over something so innocuous is something she only feels comfortable doing under duress so she prefers to avoid it if possible.

Sure enough, he makes it clear her efforts are for naught by doing nothing more than silently raising a disbelieving eyebrow.

Coming clean is the only way forward... but her mouth ends up working faster than her brain much to her mortification. “Did you know that Baxxien was flirting with you?”

He's so stunned it takes him a moment to respond. “Uh... yes? I mean, the glowing facial stripes are kind of hard to miss.”

“Oh.” She frowns, a hint of petulance creeping into her voice despite her best efforts. “And you're just going to let her keep flirting with you?” While I'm here, no less.

Instead of being sheepish or anything of the sort, he cocks his head to the side and flashes her an unrepentant grin. “Well, if it causes that look on your face...”

“Mon-El...” she growls. If he hadn't been doing it on purpose before, he's definitely going to keep doing it now just to annoy her.

“You know, my people consider it rude to openly reject indirect advances even if the interest isn't mutual,” he continues innocently as if she hadn't said anything, “and you don't want me to be rude, do you?”

It's quite possible that everyone in the bar can hear her teeth grinding but she doesn't care. “You-”

Whatever she meant to say vanishes into ether when he suddenly leans over the counter so all she can see is his face. She can never think straight when he looks at her like that and this time is no different even though there's a definite twinkle of mischief in those blue-grey orbs. “But you know... In Baxxien culture, openly claimed individuals are considered off limits.”

The meaning behind his words is hard to miss and she flushes bright red when the implication sinks in. “Y-You don't mean...” They don't do anything more than hold hands and occasionally peck each other on the cheek when they're in public so the idea of doing anything even a little more... serious... than that is enough to make her self-conscious.

He backs off the moment he realises he might have pushed a little too much, pulling away and softening his expression to something more gentle than teasing. “It's okay. I'll just tell her we're together and she'll stop.”

She doesn't really know what drives her to do it but she grabs his arm to stop him just as he's leaving. When he turns back to look at her she reaches out with her other hand to snag his shirt and pull him in for a kiss that is definitely nowhere near chaste.

It's a little awkward – his body is practically hovering over the counter and she's on the very edge of her stool – but none of that registers in that moment. He makes it so easy for her to forget there's a world beyond them – the consequences of spending an eternity with him in a world where there was literally no one else, probably – and even easier when he's kissing her like this-

Loud snickering-like sounds snap her back to reality and she breaks the kiss, her cheeks so hot she's sure her face is going to burst into flames. The source of the noise, she discovers, is the Thivph sitting in one of the booth seats who proceeds to chitter something in his native tongue she's sure is a variation of 'Get a room'.

It only makes her blush worsen, if that's even possible, but of course Mon-El's only response is to laugh very heartily and drop a kiss on her nose before he goes back to work like nothing ever happened.

But the next time Kara sees the Baxxien talking to him, the woman's facial stripes aren't glowing any more so she supposes a little embarrassment is a price she's willing to pay if the situation calls for it.

#karamel #prompt fic #paradise in a dream #ninjarobin21

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incarnateirony · 4 years

Note

Hey min, I just read your last post and I was wondering you could do one on the meta-narrative hostility (that most of fandom calls queer coding) of pre-dabb era? I’m a young queer who’s new to all this and doesn’t have the same experience or knowledge as older queer people (obviously) when it comes to these things. Only if you want to/and are able to though, it’s something I’d really like to read and educate myself on, thanks :)

Sure! I’ll get on that, I think @curioussubjects and I held a brief discourse over that recently, but I’m sure we could get into it deeper. I may even try to peel @thecoffeebrain-blog out of her fandom ban to talk about it too. Unfortunately it’s like 2something AM right now and I do not have the brain function to write up a whole-assed thesis on it.

But in short (which will probably still be about a page long)? I kind of want to flip a table any time I read “Dean Winchester has always been written as bisexual.” – and like. I even have friends that say that. Friends I adore. And I still want to flip tables. Because. Like. No.

Yes, Dean Winchester was based on a repressed bisexual, Dean Moriarty. The thing is knowing that about Dean Moriarty requires reading the late release manuscript, not the original. In, perhaps, an ironic statement on our current show, the widely spread original version was sanitized of queer content. But if anyone thinks Kripke was, back in S1-5, trying to make some sort of statement about repressed and sanitized queer culture, I really don’t know what to tell them beyond like. No?

I’d need to go digging – hence not having the time right now – for a full list of early season “bi Dean” moments. A great deal of them are actively homophobic as fuck things, like in Playthings taking a shot at Dean being butch over overcompensating, or whatever else. They used the statements as an insult, something to target, and aggress, and make a joke at a character’s expense – because being gay was immasculating and funny, haha, right?

Others included things like clothing choices, food choices, or other things that like… fandom swore up and down was queer coding and like– again– generally, no? Hopefully I don’t have to explain why in most scenarios those things are problematic.

Like you’ve seen me bang on about the menthols thing for example as queer coding – and yes! It is! Because that’s actually a queer culture thing. And like, ask any gay dude, literally, if he sees another, WHITE dude pull out a pack of menthols he knows who he’s going to try to flirt up tonight. There’s all kinds of reasons that was genuine coding written from a gay man that’s even a recovered smoker to the point his colleagues made light of it. Hell of an introduction, hell of a point, and something actually relevant to the represented demographic’s culture. (this actually does not apply the same to other ethnicities, it literally only applies to white dudes, and I could stat out the very real reasons about it some time, but not in this post)

We gays DO have our own language. As my friend Kris put it, “Whenever I see a woman has a purse I give up, cuz she’s either straight or at least in that ballpark where I’m gonna have to be the husband and hahahaha no.” – unshockingly, I don’t have a purse either. My wife does. I on the other hand am fine with being metaphorical husband role. She’s a femme, I’m not, it tracks.

But someone wearing a certain color, or eating a burrito is not a judge. Someone choking on a sausage for a punch line alongside a taco is– questionable on if even intended but again, guess what, a punch line at the receiving character’s expense.

A great WEALTH of early “bi Dean” moments are like this, even if we remove Destiel. And it’s a MESS. I give some leans of “not offensive but surrounded by enough offensive content in its immediate era that I don’t give it good faith” to moments like Dr Sexy. Sure. Those lay good potential groundwork.

Are there moments where Dean turned and looked at someone in a WAY? Yeah, sure. Was that scripted? Uh, generally no. Let’s face it. Jensen could have chemistry with a decommissioned droid if they were put on screen together.

Now, do those moments, that last section there – give early room for bi Dean being evolved into? Yes. Those moments do. Because evolving with chemistry and story is part of how it works. It’s the other shit we need to flush to the pits of hell, bathe in some glitter and chant some YMCAs to cleanse ourselves from or some shit.

Hell, let’s even look at season 7 with Dean flirting with the guard. Despite bobbing and weaving around most old bi Dean content for being flagrantly offensive when I made my Coming Out video, I kept that one. But even THAT runs a line. Why? Because Sam, later painted as an educated ally, starts laughing at Dean at the sheer idea of Dean doing it. Dean tells him to shut up which blows Charlie’s cover. Is that something actual bi people might have to deal with? Sure. Hence my choice to be willing to include the clip. But it was still. A punchline. At the queer content’s expense.

If you go and re-watch, I’d say, S1-7 and stop trying the “DIG FOR PROOF IN RETROSPECT TO PROVE DEAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN BI” dance, and watch – really, REALLY watch – the way any kind of queer mention was handled. Is. Gross.

By season 8 Carver seemed to be dabbling in it – enough that Phil Sgriccia and Ben Edlund, exec producers, started leaving commentary on the season 8 DVD, such as how Jensen played it, and the potential it created for love in all places, that he and Aaron could have had a life together. Still, Carver had a LOT of shit he was fixing from holding Gamble’s burning bag. And yeah, Gamble queerbaited. She fucked over a demographic, realized the demographic she picked was wrong, tried to bait back that demographic without intent to follow through on it, then was gone. (And hell, go look at The Magicians now and her Dances With Avoiding Calling Her Characters LGBT).

Season 8 was a tipping point. Did Aaron slap down the idea of having a moment with Dean? Sure. But… guess what? It was Dean being offended by not having a moment. Not Dean being offended being accused of having a moment. This is a very subtle tone change.

Watch forward after that. There might have been a few moments. But it wasn’t until S9 they onboarded a new LGBT author. An open one. An activist. And yeah, menthols and “play it like a jilted lover” showrunner directions began. It’s like looking back, they had the idea and realized what was taking shape, but didn’t know what to do with it. And Bobo was still the new kid on block that year. That was the same year they almost made Metatron’s heaven for Castiel be covered in naked Dean pictures. Some people lament the loss of that. I do not. Because guess what. That made it a joke again. A shot at Castiel’s expense, if one more personal than the old shots. It was painted for absurdity, not authenticity. But, unlike prior eras… they had the sense to change that and paint the absurdity in other ways with dangly cheap hearts and other silliness.

Good.

As you look forward, from there, the question is after season 9– when was the last “LOL GAAAAAAAAAAAAY” joke you heard? When was the last time you heard it be framed in such a way that the audience was designated to laugh at the arrangement? Was Colette… framed as funny when Bobo wrote it? Was the heart connection… written as funny? Were the hunter husbands… written as a punch line or joke?

Sure, Lily Sunder had some funny bits, bit it’s not Funny Cuz It’s Gay, it’s funny and gay, and this is an important distinction. If that were a het couple bickering in the car that episode, we’d laugh all the same. This, also, written by a queer activist. Was the mixtape funny? No. In fact, if we’re to take, say, modern Dean and Cas as the central manifestation of the bi Dean narrative all these years later, their funny moments aren’t funny because of their gender. Their funny moments are funny because of who they are, like any given couple on TV, not in expense to their sexuality.

Even “attached at the everything” is more a fandom problem. There was no cue for that to be a laugh track. There was no recoil, no denial, no flinch, no nothing. It was just a barb of a demon in the know of the nature and depth of their bond needling where it hurt like any other relationship. It’s the fandom that chose to put a laugh track on it.

Beyond this though, I’d need to take the time to go and pick through the different individual moments and break them down and really pick apart WHY they were problematic in the old days. Hopefully this summary is a nice start.

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agentsokka · 5 years

Text

Nott’s Conflicting Narratives

[[Spoilers for Campaign 2 up to Episode 75]]

Man. D’you ever get the need to talk about how much you love your favorite character? Because I am feeling PASSIONATE for a specific little goblin girl right now.

I love Nott. She’s the peanut butter to my jam, the sugar to my spice, the awkward green butterball mushing around in my heart. She’s my absolute FAVORITE character of the cast and one of my all-time favorite characters in general. So, of course, I feel the need to bend over backwards, snap my spine into a pretzel, and projectile vomit my absolute love for this woman all over your dashes.

In this piece, I wanted to talk about her personal growth over the story and how she’s evolved from what viewers believed was merely a skittish, oddball of a green powder monkey klepto into an equally odd but emotionally resonant mother desperate to reclaim her life and family.

In my opinion, Nott’s overarching story revolves around a mother attempting to recapture her personal narrative from a world that has tried to tear it away from her.

Let’s first establish Nott’s position as the “mother” of the Mighty Nein.

Time for a recap.

As we discover in episode 49, Nott is a little goblin girl, who was once a young halfling woman, who was once a halfling child. In her desperate dash to protect her family from goblin kidnappers, the halfling woman known as Veth Brenatto is recaptured and put to death. Her corpse is then reanimated into the flesh puppet goblin suit we know and love today. In this process, her skin, body, and even mind are reconstructed to be more goblin-esque – a situation which Veth vehemently despises. To put distance between herself and her former life, she renames herself “Nott the Brave,” an anagram of Veth Brenatto.

“They made me everything… that I thought I was. Not pretty…not good. Just not.”

This event is significant for a multitude of reasons, primarily of which revolve around Nott’s relationship with motherhood.

In her essay The Symbolic Annihilation of Mothers in Popular Culture, Berit Astrӧm (2015) observes that mother characters are routinely devalued in popular culture via what she terms “symbolic annihilation.” Gaye Tuchman (1978) originally coined the phrase to describe the way in which media trivializes, condemns, or outright excludes mothers, but Astrӧm extends it to include the removal of mothers from narratives entirely.

We’ve seen this play out time and time again: for example, how many times have we questioned “what happened to the mother” in Disney movies? Often, we see that their exclusions leave little impact on the story and characters, with many media franchises unceremoniously minimizing the mother’s very existence as if it held no more meaning than an ironically titled paperweight.

Now, how does this apply to Nott?

Nott’s character is an inversion of this trope. Although she is killed by the goblins as per the trope’s wont, the narrative does not revolve around her son or husband trying to cope with her loss. Instead, the narrative remains centered on she the mother as this little goblin girl punches a fist through the earth and screams NOT TODAY SATAN. Her story revolves around her identity as a mother, and it takes shape in a plethora of different ways.

Nott exhibits many atypical characteristics that are not commonly associated with the idealized form of “motherhood.” She’s loud, she’s boisterous, she’s mischievous. She’s self-admittedly “strange” and eccentric. She saw it suit to dump a pitcher of cucumbers and proceed to eat them off the ground. Absolutely no one can convince me that this a goblin-specific trait and not just Nott being her weird little self.

And yet, Nott exhibits many typically feminine/motherly traits as well. In spite of her vulgarities, she’s gentle and kind towards Caleb, and it takes some time for their relationship to evolve beyond that. She likes dresses! She likes feeling pretty even though the situation rarely allows her to be. She likes to collect buttons and baubles and cutesy trinkets. And most of all, Nott expresses love. Beau’s the first person in the group to say it to someone else, but Nott is the first of anyone to emphatically express her love for this ragtag group of misfits they’ve wrangled together.

“I know we have things to do, and I want to do them, but the reason I want to find these people and rescue them is not to use them, or not because we’ve invested time in them. But it’s because… I love them.”

Nott is very much “the Heart” of the Mighty Nein, in spite of her idiosyncrasies and eccentricities. In this sense, she views herself as their mother – not just as Caleb’s parental figure, but the entirety of the group. It’s not just a meme, with adoption papers scrawled across a series of barbeque-stained napkins in chicken scratch. Over time, she’s genuinely adopted the M9 as her own, welcoming them under her stubby wings. Nott has said as much several times, but most significantly in episode 76, when she told Caleb that she wanted to protect everyone on their own individual quests.

“I protected you so that you could go on your journey and find yourself and fulfill your quest. I feel like I’ve got to do that for everyone now because, I don’t know, deep down inside it feels like my quest might not be done till everyone else has figured out who they are and what they want in this world. Everyone’s seeking something, you know?”

This protection – this overwhelming need to shield, to safeguard, to provide security and aegis – is crucial to recognizing what Nott is as a parent. A protector. A defender. Nott firmly believes that protection is representative of parenthood, its indistinguishable mirror image.

How do I know this? Nott confirmed it word-for-word in episode 13, when she explained her relationship with Caleb to the rest of the M9.

“Caleb and I have a very special…relationship. And it’s that of a parent and a child. But I am the parent, you do understand that, correct? I protect him. He’s my boy, and I keep him safe. … It’s my job to protect him, because I love him, and I am his protector.”

Nott clearly associates parenthood with protection. She reiterates it again and again. If you fall under her protection, you are her child. It doesn’t matter how old you are, how strong you are, how quick you are – she will protect you to the very last inch of her life. And over the course of the campaign, many, many times over, she’s nearly given said life to ensure the protection of others. An early example is when Nott threw her body over Caleb’s to shield him from attack. In 45, she drew the blue dragon’s attack to save Jester, shaving her hit points down to 1.

Nott again establishes this in 76.

“So I feel like, I need to be there to protect you all. To rescue you when there’s a dragon about to kill you and use my body as a shield; or to pull Beauregard out of the mouth of a worm; or to catch you when someone falls with a feather fall spell.”

This is a fundamental aspect of her character, and explains the majority of her actions. Even though she’s anxious and scared, Nott powers through her fears to protect her loved ones at any cost necessary – with a few nips to soothe her nerves, of course.

And as sweet as this gremlin of a goblin is, she doesn’t extend her protection to everyone she meets – she’s self-sacrificial, but only to her proverbial children, after they’ve spent more than enough time becoming comfortable with one another. In episode 75, for example, Nott suggested that Reani was expendable and thus should go first when facing the dragon. She likes Reani, sure, but if it came down to her and the M9? The outsider would be the first to go.

This further lends itself to the idea that Nott perceives protection as parenthood, self-sacrifice as motherly duty – she’s not just a nice gal throwing down her life in order to ensure the welfare of others, but only for the select few she deems in need of her protection.

However, Nott isn’t just a mother, which comes to the crux of this post. For the majority of the campaign, Nott has primarily identified as a mother figure – to Luc, to Caleb, to the M9 at large. But over time, she’s steadily developed into wanting to be more than just a mother. At the very least, she’s expressed her desires more openly over the course of the show as time has gone on. This development intersects with her identity issues as Nott struggles to reconcile two conflicting lives.

Throughout her short life – and I do mean short, she’s only about 25 (I’m turning 25 this month and the extent to which this little goblin has pushed herself through sends me into anxiety just by association) – Nott’s life has followed a very, shall we say, standard route. She’s always been someone’s daughter – someone’s wife – someone’s mother. Veth Brenatto grew up the small town of Felderwin with very few expectations of their people beyond the usual sort, assuming that said small town followed real-world small-town culture. As such, Veth traversed domestic paths in life, not straying far from those expectations. In spite of her intelligence and capabilities, Veth remained a housewife essentially, assisting Yeza when need be and taking care of Luc. This narrative held steady for some time.

And everything changed when the Fire Nation goblins attacked.

Veth’s narrative as a mother, as a wife, as a little halfling from the little hovel hole of Felderwin, was abruptly disrupted when she became Nott. Her narrative was stolen from her, manipulated and perverted into something she deemed grotesque. Forced to co-exist with the tribe, Nott becomes the torturer’s assistant – the absolute antithesis to motherhood in the representative forebearer of violence, depravity, and death. Her desire to nurture and protect is met with oppression and bloodshed.

It’s no wonder Nott detests the narrative the goblins thrust upon her. Her goblin exterior fundamentally represents a life forced upon her, a narrative chosen without her consent.

“I just don't like how I feel when I see my hands or my feet. They just feel wrong. I want to be different.”

“I'll be honest. I've started forgetting what it feels like to be a halfling, to be me. I don't remember everything any more. I feel like every day I'm more and more goblin. I don't like it at all. I don't like myself at all.”

“There's still something that's not right about this. This is not my body. It's just not me. And people liking you is nice, and people accepting you is nice. But if you feel wrong inside your own skin, then, well, you can't be a good mother or a good wife, or a good anything, really.”

Upon escaping, her narrative again changes: she’s no longer anyone’s assistant, but existing for herself. And only herself. Before she meets Caleb, she’s alone, unwanted by the populace at large and unable to return to Felderwin. She’s no longer a mother – just detested vermin looking to steal and connive, so people would believe.

That is partially why, in my opinion, she adopts Caleb as her own so quickly. Of course, Nott sees him as a means to an end in the beginning, as does he. They both admit that they had ‘other intentions’ in staying together than purely out of goodness of their hearts. However, it is evident that well before the campaign started, these two forged a bond that went beyond that of convenience. Nott fills the hole in her heart, the hole in her very narrative, by becoming Caleb’s adoptive mother, assisting him in his ventures and protecting him whenever need be. By doing this, she is able to choose for herself, to differentiate herself from the goblin’s narrative of pain and misery. She is no longer just “not,” she is Nott, Nott the Brave.

As was aforementioned, Nott’s motherhood narrative grows to include the rest of the M9. However, with time, she reaches a conflict within herself: while she hates being a goblin, she enjoys her new lifestyle. Is she afraid? She’s fucking petrified. Yet like the rest of the group, she’s fallen in love with adventuring, the highs and lows that demonstrate the extent of her capabilities. Nott isn’t just an assistant anymore – she can do magic! She can fight, she can pick locks, she can adapt firearms and create explosive weaponry. Hell, she can wield a crossbow with the dexterity of an Olympic gymnast and liquidate giant spiders into bloody pastes on the wall. With the M9, she’s seeing the world, far beyond the borders of Felderwin and her small-town life.

And suddenly, Veth’s narrative as a stay-at-home mom isn’t so appealing anymore.

Is there a problem inherent to existing as a housewife and full-time mother? No, of course not. Nevertheless, Nott has found herself in a strange position – she longs for her old life and family, ripped away from her by the gnarled claws of fate, yet remains enthralled by the wonders this new narrative can offer her.

In 36, Nott reveals to Cadeuceus that she believes the M9 could be representative of a new life for her – a new narrative.

“I’m not a religious lady, but I will tell you that, for me, this journey with the group has been a bit of a sign. … A sign that there could be, for all of us, another chapter.”

It’s a new chapter, a new narrative, a new life for Nott. One she could never have imagined possible for her in the confines of her small town. And by god, does she want to live it. Nott expressed this desire to live this life to its fullest, to live this new narrative to its fullest, in 27 after Molly’s death.

“Mollymauk was a rainbow man who represented life at its fullest. And. That’s what I want, even more than… even more than what we’re going for before. Together, we’re sort of living life now, aren’t we? And before, we were… in the darkness, so. … I want to find them so we don’t go back to the way it was, when we were hiding in the shadows and, and ducking into alleys to get away from people. We were safe, but we weren’t really alive, right? With these people, we’re having fun and winning contests. And. And killing bad guys, and rescuing children…it’s amazing.”

I’m of the opinion that Nott’s speech is reflective of both her experiences with Caleb as well as her own in Felderwin. She was living before – and she enjoyed it, yes! She obviously loves Yeza and Luc. But now, she’s seeing what life can be like when lived to its fullest, seeing what life can be like when she spearheads her own narrative. She gleans inspiration from Mollymauk, who decided to head his own narrative and remain unrepentantly unconcerned with what his past might have been like. With his death, Nott becomes convinced that she needs to truly lead this life, lead this newfound narrative with this family she’s amassed.

But with that realization comes conflict once the dredges of Nott’s previous life begin seeping into her narrative. This is especially once Nott reunites with Yeza in Xhorhas.

“Caleb, I’m feeling uneasy. … I, because. What the fuck am I doing here? I just was reunited with my husband, and I’ve – I -- we were given a chance to go on an adventure and I jumped at it like that. Am I a bad person? I just left him, I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.”

Rather than hold down the fort with her newly reunited husband, Nott instinctively leaps at the chance for adventure, the chance to go out and see more of the world. She doesn’t even think about it, it’s just oh? A side quest? Well fuck me rosy, time to knock my crossbow. Because that’s what Nott would do, not Veth. And once she realizes what she’s done, Nott begins wondering if she’s a terrible person for living her life. She begins questioning her intentions, wondering whether her actions are the ploy of some subconscious desire to remain free, remain independent of her responsibilities.

“You don’t think I’m just…delaying the inevitable? Scared of going back to my old life, or anything?”

Nott further recognizes the disparity between her two lives and how wide the gulf between them yawns.

“It’s just, I just don’t know like. Is he gonna…even like me anymore, I’m so different. Not just physically, I do different things now. … Will I like it? I’ve gotten a taste of adventure and, and seeing the world, and now I’ve gotta go back and be a…a housewife again?”

Nott doesn’t even know if she wants to be called Veth anymore. Not by people who have come into her life since Veth’s apparent demise. When Caleb asks her in 59, she dismisses the question and asserts that they should just go with Nott for now.

She asks Caleb to tell her what she should do, in a desperate plea for someone else to give her direction in life. Because driving your own narrative is hard. It’s a painful, painful process, full of ups and downs and mistakes and setbacks. But Caleb fundamentally cannot decide her narrative for her -- it’s Nott’s narrative, not his. He can help her along and support her, but he will never be able to direct it. She has to do it for herself.

(As a side note: I love, love, love how far Nott and Caleb’s relationship has come. Prior to the Xhorhas arc, Nott never bothered him with her problems, drudging on ahead as she didn’t want to “distract” him from his personal quest. She’s exactly like a mother, masking her insecurities and fears from her young child so that they won’t worry about what they can’t control. And now, as her child has grown up and become more aware of his mother’s struggles, she’s leaning on him more and more for support. It truly mirrors parent-child relationships and is representative of how far these characters have grown over time.)

With these conversations, it becomes evident that Nott is seeking more than family, more than the life of a housewife. And yet, simultaneously, she embodies the narrative of a mother, loves being a mother, and loves the people in both her immediate and found families. To merge these narratives will be an almost insurmountable task, from her perspective -- how can you raise a family when you’re constantly adventuring? You can’t endanger their lives. Conversely, is it responsible of a parent to endanger their own life, potentially risking everything for adventure’s sake? To widow your husband and orphan your child if something goes horribly wrong? If she becomes a housewife again, how long can she keep up the charade pretending she’s a halfling? If she stays, will she forever remain uncomfortable in her own skin? How long will she even live? Nott is juggling so many plates, and dropping even one could result in the partial devastation of these narratives she’s cultivated.

And she’s scared. She’s really, really scared. Nott is petrified of what comes next -- she knows it’s inevitable that she’s going to have to face these conflicting narratives in the future. She knows she can’t ignore it forever. And that prospect terrifies her. She says this explicitly in episode 69.

“I'm just scared, that's all. I'm scared of...I'm scared of what happens next. You know? I don't know what's going to happen after this. I found my husband. I found my son. And I want to go back with them so much. ... But I'm worried that if I go back, that'll be it.”

This overwhelming, paralyzing sense of fear has driven Nott to drink. Even more so than usual. Over the course of the show, Nott has made no secret of her drinking habits. She’s a drunkard -- she knows it, the M9 knows it. You, me, and the NSA agent watching you behind the screen know it. But it’s no accident the M9 has begun commenting more and more on her habitual intoxication. She simply is more intoxicated than usual. She’s depending more and more on her alcoholism to get through each day.

Nott is of course afraid of enemies, of secret dangers lurking behind every corner. She’s a perpetually anxious person, constantly filled with frenetic energy. But these anxieties have worsened ten-fold with the inclusion of her intersecting narratives and responsibilities. And honestly? With all that going on in her brain, Nott just flat out doesn’t want to think about it. She wants to live in the moment -- not in the past, not in the future, but the present.

“I'm thinking about things. And I don't want to think about things. I don't want to think about anything. I just want to be on an adventure with you guys and that's all I want and I don't want to think about anything else past that.”

And so, she turns to drinking. As she tells Caleb, drinking is her own form of self-care. While she may protect others, she herself needs protection too -- from her own thoughts, fears, and inner demons. From the physical dangers that manifest in front of her very person.

“I know you all have my back, I know you all care for me, but no one has my front. So this flask that I drink from, it’s not for fun, I’m not taking nips because I’m looking for fun. If I wanted fun I’d be in Nicodranus with my family. This flask is my shield. It allows me to do these things, to go forward and to protect all of you.”

Nott needs to shield herself from fears that she may not come back to her family. She needs to shield herself from fears that she won’t find a remedy to her situation, that she won’t ever be Veth again. She needs to shield herself from fears that these conflicting narratives will never reconcile, thereby isolating her from either family she’s come to love as her own.

All in all, Nott is currently torn between two lives -- one whose existence is linked to traditional motherhood, and another whose fate is yet undecided. And yet, by continuing with the M9, Nott has found herself on the path towards potential self-realization. This route she treads has the potential to shed the narrative the goblins thrust upon her and totally make one anew, one that is her own. In that sense, it’s representative of what this narrative means as a whole: Nott is more than just a mother. She’s a mother with autonomy. A mother with hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Unlike Berit Astrӧm’s (2015) analysis of symbolic annihilation, she is more than just a paper cutout of idealized motherhood left to be abandoned.

Indeed, Nott can be a mother without being the mother archetype.

Nott will certainly struggle to reconcile these narratives. She loves being a mother, but she clearly wants to love herself too. She wants to be more than just a mother, and thus she quests to recapture her personal narrative -- one where she can be both a mother and retain her personal autonomy.

I love the nuance and complexity Sam has demonstrated with this character, and I’m sure we’re only going to see more in the future.

#Critical Role #Nott #Nott the Brave

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tark-msi · 3 years

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IS CENSORSHIP THE DEATH OF CONTENT CREATIVITY?

Censorship, unquestionably, is not just a deterrent to an individual's expression of creativity, but in fact, the very curtailment of their freedom. Since ages past, Censorship has been a tool utilized by ruling bodies, be it kings, queens, priests, religions, or in the present case, democratic governments, to curb expressions of dissent either by an individual or communities. Although an ancient tool, it is still quite popular and in wide use by modern governments worldwide, granted its severity differs from nation to nation. However, foremost, presenting facts: Censorship is always a product of the essentially dominant zeitgeist, which is without exception defined by the ruling social class (more often than not conservative), which wants to maintain the status quo of a specific region. Censorship is no new subject, and to better understand, we have to study both the present and the past. Even today, this is an issue that will undoubtedly affect our country's future.

Let us first state the precise definition of Censorship: "Censorship is the suppression of speech, public communication, or other information, on the basis that such material is considered objectionable, harmful, sensitive, or "inconvenient." Censorship can be conducted by governments, private institutions, and other controlling bodies.” This is a standard definition of Censorship. However, what people fail to realize is that Censorship's scope spans far and wide beyond the scope of just entertainment and news media. Not to mention the methodology of implementing censorships.

Nevertheless, how about we first trace the history of Censorship up to the present date. The first, most famous instance of Censorship is known to have happened in ancient Greece, where the great philosopher Socrates was charged with "corrupting" the youths and was henceforth executed. ‘Censorship by death’ might seem a thing of the past but is still very much a part of the present world. Censorship keeps reappearing as a blot in the history of humankind, as a sinister spectre. We remember the brutal killings by the church in the 16th century against the progress of science, the mass Censorship of literature in the 17th century by James I, the bloody Censorship in the 18th century during the Reign of Terror, not to mention the censorships implemented by Great Britain when India began its freedom struggle. Even in recent times, Censorship is an ever-looming presence. It was only 40 years ago when Indira Gandhi had implemented the emergency curtailing any and all criticism against the Government. Unfortunately, it is no revelation that India is right now going through a phase where a new kind of Censorship might emerge. A Censorship where there will not be a need to suppress the truth since the truth itself might stop existing hidden under the dirty disguise of propaganda and the veil of patriotism. This Censorship is the courtesy of ******** **** belonging to *** party.

From the examples, it can be easily surmised that no single incident exists where Censorship as a practice led to a positive result. More often than not, Censorship has been a product of conservative social practices and orthodox morality. It is always geared towards thwarting the path of progress. In maintaining the status quo. Several justifications are given in favour of Censorship. All valid reasons in themselves, but the rampant misuse made by the privileged few seriously casts a shadow of doubt on the systemic of Censorship. As previously mentioned, Censorship is subject to a conservative morality, and furthermore, a tool by the Government. These two forces combined only work to hinder the freedom of speech of the average citizens. Severe direct criticism against the ruling body or the upper class is not taken kindly. The so-called 'sentiments' being hurt belong only to the Savarna Heteronormative world, when they feel an 'attack'. But when it comes to the straight-up unconstitutional portrayal and slurs against the Queer and economically depressed classes, our democratic system invariably fails at protecting their constitutional rights.

Censorship is beyond a doubt the bane of content creativity. The combination of the psychological aspect and malignancy of censorship further create sinister dynamics worth our study. In an environment riddled with Censorships, there is psychologically established a safe zone and a danger zone in the individual's mind, creating an isolation of ideas and further constriction of mind. For fear of physical and mental harm, the user/creator remains within the arbitrarily made safe zone, created and defined by those in power. Once the zones are psychologically established, they start taking social roots. The safe zone creepily and silently becomes the core of social values. Hence, in essence, Censorship, in proxy with social values, becomes unquestionable. This further extends the safe zone in the social environment. Stepping out of that safe zone results in facing the wrath of the society itself. It, of course, is an obvious fact that societal norms are ingrained in an individual since infancy and hence get rooted inside the mind. Again, gaining a psychological aspect and here we witness the vicious circle of isolating the information and categorizing it as right or wrong, not through any critical judgment but simply because it becomes a predefined entity by an arbitrary authority (The ruling body). A fixed societal system then leads to a stale system of information where nothing new or creative can exist; rather, nothing new or creative is allowed to exist.

Additionally, Censorship is not merely an act of banning or removing certain content or proliferation of specific ideas. It is a sheer exercise in redacting the truth and hiding it behind a veneer of lies. Just like creativity can be expressed in multitudes of ways beyond the limited scope of media, similarly there exist nuanced censorship practices aimed at crushing deviant and creative modes of thinking. Censorships aimed at creating only one designated path. The different types of Censorship are: Censoring certain content (Removal), spreading false information to overshadow facts (Misleading), capturing means of information (Hijacking), Destabilising communications (Isolation of areas), Interference in collecting data, active prevention of expressing of one's views (Banning protests), ignoring or refusing to acknowledge specific outlets of expression (Disregarding), the threat of harm to relatives or the personnel themselves, and in the most extreme case Censorship by Death. With the coming of the digital age, the act of Censorship has become far more nuanced and harder to detect. And while the people keep struggling to find new ways of expressing their creativity\ the hounds of censorship keep up the chase. The freedom of the Internet is like a double-edged sword. Finding accurate facts among the propaganda and Whatsapp forwards is like trying to find a needle in the haystack. Perhaps part of the issue lies with the overload of information that has become possible with the Internet culture of our time.

Without a doubt, all the blame and critical talk surrounding Censorship should fall on the Government, regardless of the party. The Government's responsibility is to listen to the people's voices, not dictate that voice. A common argument in favour of Censorship is that Government is trying to protect the people from harmful, negative or disturbing media and discouraging its promotion. Media such as child pornography, disturbing and traumatizing videos of murder and gore, texts which might not be suitable for specific age groups. Fair enough. But my question is, why doesn't the Government try to eradicate the problems themselves? How is it that no action against the crime itself is taken? The very existence of such media is proof of how miserably our Government is failing.

Moreover, when someone raises these issues explicitly, those people are silenced on the grounds of spreading 'disturbing' content. Media handles spreading hate violence against communities, and misogynist content are allowed to do what they want willy-nilly, but porn websites are like the ultimate taboo, Oh! What a ruin of 'Indian values’. The ‘disturbing’ content which so endangers our peace and freedom is nothing more than the artist holding a mirror to the society. The artistic freedom exists in the fact that the artist can hold the mirror in any angle to show the dirty side-lines which nourish our established societal foundations. Censorship only exists to break those mirrors. It is an inability to confront the rotten reality, to face the cost of maintain the status quo. We are concerned about the children seeing the scars on a woman’s naked body; Mind! We are not concerned about the scars but about the nakedness! But why ashamed now, when you so proudly beat her up in front of your own child? We are concerned about an abuse in a TV show; Mind! We don’t care about the abuse, but about the fact that it is being hurled at our shining, virtuous culture! But why worried now when the abuses you threw on the young Dalit boy, are being thrown back on you? His are the abuses which are probably the fairest.

An interesting incident comes to my mind, which will also serve as a nice metaphor. Back in February, one of our glorious leaders invited a foreign leader for a political visit. They were supposed to tour certain parts of the country, to show its beauty. In preparation, we made walls along the roads! For very good reasons surely, and not to hide the dirt and the poverty lining the streets. So, the tour continued and our leaders travelled our beautiful country through those clean, immaculate, and wonderful roads, lined with walls on either side. I think the name of the walls was ‘Censorship’. And so it is, that we kill and wall off creativity and the truth. Because the fact is there is no one truth. The diversity and the creativity are all their own forms of truth. All those paths exist for us to explore and learn. But censorship allows only one road. The clean one. Which only the virtuous, the rich and the clean can walk.

Baudrillard's insight into the creation of reality is incredibly useful and a much-recommended read. His much-acclaimed theory has been, how in the present age of information explosion, the one who controls the flow of information is the one who controls reality. We have already witnessed how dangerous Censorship can be during Stalin's reign, where around 80000 people simply vanished. A similar pattern can be seen today with mob lynching and murders of journalists and reporters who dare to raise their voice against fascism. The riots, the protests, the beatings and the killings are the signs of our time. Hence it is not just the threat of ‘Death of creativity’ that we face, but it is almost a matter of life and death. Only us, the people can stand against it and openly raise our voices by our Freedom of expression and speech. The question remains: When will we come together to fight it?

By- Aditya Singh

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