#here’s some blind bisexual Kevin day

[ninyard]

“God, how blind can you be?”

That would be such a great line for a kevjean confession if Jean ever told Kevin abt his crush on him in the nest.

Ty, have a great day :))

You’re a genius!!! Here’s Kevin being Oblivious and Confused while Jean admits how he’s always felt about him :))

-

“Can I ask you something?” Kevin lay in Jeremy’s bed, on top of the covers, with arms outstretched and his feet dangling off the edge. “But you can’t get defensive, because I’m not the one who’s wondering.”

“Now I am obligated to be defensive.” Jean was sitting on his back up against the wall on his own bed, scribbling notes in a notebook for an assignment due far too soon. Kevin had texted him earlier that morning saying that he was in town, and with Jeremy at home because it was a weekday, alongside the schoolwork Jean had started to fall behind on, the best way for the two to catch up was to invite Kevin over. “Ask, then.”

“Are you…” Kevin sat himself up to look at Jean before he continued. “Are you and Renee a thing?”

“No.” Jean laughed. “She has not told you this?”

“We aren’t that close,” Kevin shook his head. “She likes you, you know.”

Jean could feel himself blushing, but hoped his newfound tan covered the colour that spread across his cheeks. “I know. We’ve spoken about it.”

“You’ve spoken about it,” Kevin repeated as if saying it again would make it make more sense. “I thought you liked her.”

“It would never work.” Jean said. “She saved my life. It would always be hanging over the two of us.”

“Okay, sure, but…” Kevin moved to get a better view of Jean while they spoke. “You do like her?”

Jean read his face with a gentle smile, shutting his notebook and putting it to one side. “What is this about?”

His friend squinted his eyes, perhaps hoping he could get his point across telepathically without having to say it out loud. He glanced towards the door and laughed. “So you like Renee.”

“I will always love her for what she has done,” Jean said with a shrug. “But no, not so much anymore. We’re good friends.”

“Point being,” Kevin nodded with an over exaggerated, enthusiastic bob of his head. “You’re into women.”

Jean felt his face fall, as if Kevin had forgotten his name, or forgotten which position he played in. He scoffed, half a laugh and half disbelief, “You can’t be serious.”

“Am I right?”

“Kevin, you can’t be serious.” Jean echoed, and Kevin furrowed his eyebrows as if he had any right to be confused. “Where has this come from?”

“A friend of a friend wants to know,” Kevin brushed that off, and continued his staring stand-off with Jean. “Why would I not be serious?”

Jean gestured around himself, not even able to come up with a simple answer to his question. Jean was never bothered about the labelling of his sexuality, but had been bothered by its display. At least, publically, he thought, which just translated to not in front of Riko. Not Kevin, never Kevin. Kevin had known, or so he thought, about his infatuations and fleeting glances at the men he thought were handsome. Kevin had known about himself, and how it made Jean feel every time he heard the sweet sound of his native tongue falling from his lips.

“You…” Nothing felt good enough, and Jean laughed at the absurdity of it all. “You know it’s not just women, Kevin.”

Kevin blinked. “Do I?”

“Those foxes have rotted your brain,” Jean switched to French, ever so slightly startling Kevin out of his confused daze. “I knew you had moved on from the nest, but I did not think you would have forgotten so much about me.”

“Well, in my defense,” Kevin responded in his learned language, and Jean melted a little bit more inside. “Jeremy asked you if you were into men, and you never answered him, so he assumed he’d read you wrong.”

“Jeremy?” Jean spat in a failed whisper. “What does Jeremy have to do with this?”

Kevin became even more confused. “Who else would it have anything to do with?”

“Don’t play stupid,” Jean shifted his position to sit closer to the edge of the bed. “You know it has everything to do with you.”

“Me?” He said in English, as if wary he’d gotten the translation wrong. He continued in French. “Okay, there must be a miscommunication here.” He switched back to English then, as he started to stumble over his French, suddenly self conscious that he was not speaking correctly. “I’m lost, Jean.”

“I have always been open with you,” Jean said. “I have never hidden from you my interests in men and women. Why would you pretend not to know that?”

Kevin open and closed his mouth a few times, his hands outstretched, waiting for the answer to fall into them. “I didn’t know that.”

Jean shut his eyes to process what Kevin was saying. Perhaps Jean had simply given his intelligence far too much credit, and he had not been as clear to Kevin as he’d imagined he’d been. He thought that impossible, with their shared glances on a lonely night, with their comfort of each other when Riko wasn’t looking. “Some of them you like,” Jean quoted something he’d said to him before. “You said this about the Trojans. If you were not talking about the striker, then who were you talking about?”

“Like, as in,” Kevin’s smile was more genuine than awkward, apparently finding some amusement out of the confusion. “A fan of. You like someone. They interest you. You’re as much of a Jeremy fan as I am. I didn’t think you were into him.”

“And you were not.” Jean didn’t pose it as a question, more of a statement, an answer for himself.

“He’s not bad to look at, don’t get me wrong,” Kevin laughed at the thought. “But not like that. He’s just a really good friend.”

Jean pinched his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. He heard Kevin’s movement and felt the weight on the bed next to him as he sat down. When Jean opened his eyes, he had to look away, far too intoxicatingly reminded of his buried thoughts about Kevin.

“Jean,” Kevin pulled his attention back to him, and Jean forced himself to look into his eyes. “Why did you say it has everything to do with me?”

“God,” Jean clicked his tongue in pity, either for himself for being so stupid to think Kevin knew, or at Kevin for not noticing. “How blind can you be?”

“You had a crush on me.” Kevin’s voice was neutral. “You never told me.”

Jean sighed with a hesitant smile. “I thought I did.”

It felt like an age before Kevin decided to respond. It felt like the season had passed, like a year in Raven time had gone by, before he spoke. It was hard to ignore the blush that crept across his lightly freckled cheeks, as Jean found himself fixated on the chess piece on his cheekbone. They were too close, now, and he could feel himself burning up with the shame of it all.

“I didn’t know.” It was simple, not enough, but perhaps the best he could do. “For how long?”

Jean couldn’t help the twitch that spread up his face, “You are the one interested in history, not me.”

“Humor me.”

“For as long as I have known you, Kevin Day.” His eyebrows raised in surprise at that answer. Whatever he’d been expecting, it wasn’t that.

“Oh,” was all he could say. He couldn’t find a smile that would sit comfortably on his face, and Jean wasn’t sure whether his fidgeting was discomfort or not.

“I never expected anything to come from it,” he attempted to clear the air. “I assumed you knew and simply decided not to address it. Looking back, it’s best you didn’t know, then, I think.”

“You don’t have to say that.” Kevin’s voice was low as he racked his brain for evidence to support Jean’s truth. “I wish you’d told me.”

“To feed your ego?” Jean laughed. “To make a straight man feel better to know he is desirable from either side?”

“You don’t have to say that, either.” Kevin spoke in French like it were a secret. “I’m with Thea now, sure, but,” he struggled. “I’m not exactly, you know… strict about it. It’s just easier this way.”

The only thing Jean could do was look at him.

The only thing he could bear to think was all the times he’d whispered in Jean’s ear, and Jean had to hide the shiver that travelled down his spine at the heat of the words thats he spoke. He thought of Kevin’s hands around his waist as he forced him into position on the court, a quick touch, an order to be better, a demand to be where he needed him to be. Then there was the blood, and the spit running down his chin, black hair stuck to sweat and tears as he cried please, Jean. Take him away from here. He thought of exposed bone and blood trickling through the cracks on the locker room floor, or a cracked skull against a door frame when he found Riko afterwards. There was the note, a single sloppy word, poorly written by a hand that had never wrote before. Sorry. The paper had been marked with Kevin’s blood, and it would be the last thing he would hear from him for months.

Kevin had stopped Jean’s hands before he noticed them travelling up his own throat.

“For the record, there is only one reason why nothing would have come from it,” Kevin meant it as a comfort, and Jean felt his heart break a little bit more. “But it’s the same reason it never would have worked.”

Jean was not naive, either. He was smart enough to know there was no universe in which any sort of relationship with Kevin would have been realistic. He was a beautiful face during a time that was rarely beautiful, a face that patched him up when he was black and blue, a face that smiled and joked at him when all he wanted was an end to the suffering. “I know.” Jean said, acutely aware that Kevin had not let go of his hands, even as they rested between them on the bed. “You will always be my first love, but I am smart enough to know that is meaningless now.”

“Maybe so,” Kevin looked at their hands. “But it could have been fun.”

“Fun, he says,” Jean scoffed, and Kevin laughed one of his genuine laughs, the tension in the room dissipating with the sound of his joy. Jean pulled his hand away from Kevin’s, to cover his face. He could feel himself blushing at the thoughts of what fun could have meant. “And what would you have done, asked the king to leave your room for an hour?”

It was Kevin’s turn to blush then, as he laughed again. Jean tried to push down the resurfacing feelings as he wondered what he could’ve possibly been imagining. “We would have found a way.” His laugh died off with a wistful sigh. “Somehow.”

“Somehow.” Jean agreed.

Kevin let the silence hang for just a moment before he gently reached up to touch Jean’s tattoo, then letting his hands fall back to his sides. “Maybe in another life.”

Jean swallowed and let out a soft exhale. “Maybe.”

They spent far too long just looking at each other, imagining what could have happened in that other life, wondering how it could’ve been different. Kevin eventually got back to the point of his conversation, and after laughing about how Jean has a thing for strikers, and how Kevin had never actually had a crush on Jeremy, Jean ignored his study for the flowing conversations he’d missed so badly. It was true that Kevin had been his first love, and he would be lying to himself if he said it would ever go away, but they had been each other’s only friend for so long. It was a long overdue catch-up without the threat of violence for laughing too loud, or sitting too close together. He didn’t pretend not to notice the way Kevin’s eyes flicked to his lips every now and again, or how quickly he would look away when he caught himself doing so. It was difficult to ignore how his cheeks turned rosy then, and even more so difficult to ignore how much he’d forgotten how beautiful Kevin really was.

For just a single, simple moment Jean wondered what it would be like to kiss him. That was a thought that had not crossed his mind for a very, very long time. Jean pictured a timeline in which they were both able to give it a shot without immeasurable guilt, or shame, or fear over the court of public opinion. He found himself being reminded over and over again that Kevin had finally said it himself that his sexuality was a fluid thing. There were more reasons that not to write it off as a wrong place, wrong time kind of issue, but even with the stomach churning, butterfly inducing thought of Jeremy Knox and his callused hands, it was certain that Kevin would always be his greatest what-if.

It was a pity that they would both continue on with their lives not knowing what could have been, but perhaps for the best; they were both at points in their lives where, for the first time ever, they were happy. They were not constantly glancing over their shoulders waiting for a threat.

Maybe in another life, Jean told himself. Maybe in some other world.

[rat-bisexual]

A lot of bisexual history has been erased so I figured I’d remind you all of some quotes and clear up any misunderstandings about bisexuality.

Bisexuality has been described as attraction regardless of gender for decades

"I am bisexual because I am drawn to people regardless of gender"

-‘The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?’, 1987

“In the midst of whatever hardships we [bisexuals] had encountered, this day we worked with each other to preserve our gift of loving people for who they are regardless of gender.”

-Elissa M., “Bi Conference,” Bi Women, 1985

“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.”

-Office Pink Publishing, “Introduction,” Bisexual Lives, 1988

“Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender.”

-Janet Bode, “The Pressure Cooker,” View From Another Closet, 1976

“Over the past fifteen years, however, [one Caucasian man] has realized that he is ‘attracted to people — not their sexual identity’ and no longer cares whether his partners are male or female. He has kept his Bi identity and now uses it to refer to his attraction to people regardless of their gender.”  

-Paula C. Rust, “Sexual Identity and Bisexual Identities,” Queer Studies: A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Anthology, 1998

“In the midst of whatever hardships we [bisexuals] had encountered, this day we worked with each other to preserve our gift of loving people for who they are regardless of gender.”

-Elissa M., “Bi Conference,” Bi Women, 1985

“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.”

-Office Pink Publishing, “Introduction,” Bisexual Lives, 1988

Bisexuality doesn’t have to mean a person “sees gender”

“[S]ome bisexuals say they are blind to the gender of their potential lovers and that they love people as people… For the first group, a dichotomy of genders between which to choose doesn’t seem to exist”

-Kathleen Bennett, “Feminist Bisexuality, a Both/And Option for an Either/Or World,” Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism,1992

"Some bisexual respondents bypass the issue of 'degrees' of attraction to women and men by defining bisexuals as a humanistic, gender-blind way of relating to others. They see bisexuality as a way of loving the person, not their sex, or being nondiscrimintory in their attractions to others. For example, Ludwica wrote, 'I feel as if I'm open to respond to the person, not just the gender.' "

-"Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution" by Paula C Rust 1995

“I believe that people fall in love with individuals, not with a sex… I believe most of us will end up acknowledging that we love certain people or, perhaps, certain kinds of people, and that gender need not be a significant category, though for some of us it may be.”

Ruth Hubbard, ‘There Is No ‘Natural’ Human Sexuality, Bi Women’ ,1986

“Some women who call themselves ‘bisexual’ insist that the gender of their lover is irrelevant to them, that they do not choose lovers on the basis of gender.”

-Marilyn Murphy, “Thinking About Bisexuality,” Bi Women, 1991

“Some of us are bisexual because we do not pay much attention to the gender of our attractions.”

-Bisexual Politics, Quiries and Visions, 1995

Bisexuality is inclusive of all genders

“Who is this group for exactly? Anyone who identifies as bisexual or thinks they are attracted to or interested in all genders… This newly formed [support] group is to create a supportive, safe environment for people who are questioning their sexual orientation and think they may be bisexual.”

-“Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women, 1994

“It’s easier, I believe, for exclusive heterosexuals to tolerate (and that’s the word) exclusive homosexuals than [bisexuals] who, rejecting exclusivity, sleep with people not genders…”

-Martin Duberman, 1974 “The bisexual community should be a place where lines are erased. Bisexuality dismisses, disproves, and defies dichotomies. It connotates a loss of rigidity and absolutes. It is an inclusive term.” -‘Essay for the Inclusion of Transsexuals’, Kory Martin-Damon, 1995

“Bisexual — being emotionally and physically attracted to all genders.”

-The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, “Out of the Past: Teacher’s Guide” 1999

"Bisexuality is much more than, and different from, the sensationalized 'third choice, best of both worlds' phenomena it's made out to be. Bisexuality is an inclusive term that defines immense possibilities avalable to us, whether we act on them or not."

-"Bi Any Other Name", Loraine Hutchens and Lani Ku'ahumany, 1991

"Bisexual consciousness, because of its amorphous quality and inclusive nature, posed a fundamental threat to the dualistic and exclusionary thought patterns which were- and still are- tenaciously held by both the gay liberation leadership and its enemies."

-"The Bisexual Movement's Beginnings in the 70s'', Bisexual politics, Naomi Tucker, 1995

Bisexuality historically and currently includes transgender and nonbinary people

“With respect to our integrity as bisexuals, it is our responsibility to include transgender people in our language, in our communities, in our politics, and in our lives”

-Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions by Naomi S Tucker, 1995

"Bisexuality is here defined as the capacity , regardless of the sexual identity label one chooses , to love and sexually desire both same - and other - gendered individuals . The term other-gendered is used here deliberately and is preferable to the term opposite - gendered , because other - gendered encompasses a recognition of the existence of transgendered and transsexual individuals , who may embrace gender identities other than [male and female]"

-"Bisexuality: The Psychology and Politics of an Invisible Minority" by Beth A. Firestein and Dallas Denny, 1996

“From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of TV/TS [transvestite/transsexual] and transgender people have always been involved with it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established gay and lesbian communities.”

-Kevin Lano, “Bisexuality and Transgenderism,” Anything That Moves, 1998

"Bisexuality means having the capacity to be attracted to people of both major genders ( don't forget: there are gender minorities, too) ." “As with the word Bisexual, they usually also imply that relations with gender minorities are possible.”

-‘Bisexuality: A Reader and a Sourcebook’, 1990

“There were a lot of transvestites and transsexuals who came to [the San Francisco Bisexual Center in the 1970s], because they were not going to be turned away because of the way they dressed.”

-David Lourea in “Bisexual Histories in San Francisco in the 1970s and Early 1980s,” Dworkin, 2000 Journal of Bisexuality

"The actual lived non-binary history of the bisexual community and movement and the inclusive culture and community spirit of bisexuals are eradicated when a binary interpretation of our name for ourselves is arbitrarily assumed."

-"Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out" by Lani Ka’ahumanu

"In the bisexual movement as a whole, transgendered individuals are celebrated not only as an aspect of the diversity of the bisexual community, but, because like bisexuals, they do not fit neatly into dichotomous categories."

-"Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics" by Paula C. Rust, 1995

[91percentpynch]

jean moreau x pride months

happy pride month kids, here‘s some wholesome jerejean content for your soul!! does this make any sense? no. is it a mess? yes. hope you enjoy this!!

the first pride month

it‘s the beginning of june and jeremy starts acting weird

he smiles more, the real smile normally reserved for winning an exy game or when he‘s alone with jean

he started drawing flags on his face or on his eye lids, jeremy never wore make-up, not more than his usual eyeliner and nail polish

„what does that mean?“, jean asks, pointing at the flags on his cheeks.

„the pink, yellow, blue one means i‘m pan. you know, i like more than one gender, i told you that already. and the grey, purple, white and black one that looks like an arrow? that means i‘m demisexual, you know how i only feel sexual attraction to people i have a bond with? that‘s demisexual. those are pride flags, it‘s pride month. didn‘t you know that?“

of course jean didn‘t know, after all he was locked up in a bassement for 10 years and he didn‘t exactly talk the first time he came over here last year at the end of june.

„what‘s pride month?“, jean asked softly, knowing that jeremy would never judge him, never think he was stupid.

„it‘s a month for lgbtqa+ folks. that stands for lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgender, questioning, asexuals, aromantics and everything inbetween. we celebrate ourselves this month, show how proud we are of ourselves and our community. we celebrate marsh johnson, the black transgender, gay sex worker who started the riots, stonewell, and basically threw a brick at a police officer and started the fight for gay rights“

„how do you know you‘re not straight?“, jean asked quietly. thinking about the way his mind keeps wandering back to jeremy, keeps wandering back to the thought of kissing him, holding his hand, the feeling of his soft, badly dyed ginger hair between his fingers.

„well i always payed more attention to the personality, than the gender. i never really cared what‘s between the legs. and it took me quite a while to figure out that i only feel sexual attraction to people when i have a connection to them“

„have you ever kissed a guy?“, jean asked, curiously now. in the nest it was forbidden, but kevin wanted to try it once, in the dark of the night, the saftey of their room. jean couldn‘t tell if he enjoyed it or not, he never really felt any kind of attraction really. only bone deep fear. burning anger. and whatever the fuck his heart was doing when kevin held him close.

„yeah, i had a boyfriend throughout highschool, sophmore year until the end of summer of our senior year. and then freshman year of college i had this girlfriend who was really controlling and yeah. that‘s it. have you?“, his voice was soft, it reminded jean of the sunlight forming some kind of halo behind jeremy.

„kevin wanted to try it once. riko caught us. that‘s how it began“, jean replied, a shadow crossing over both his and jeremy‘s face. in a moment of weakness, at the beginning, jean told jeremy what they did to him in the nest, after jeremy accidentally touched him from behind.

„do you want to try it again?“, jeremy asked, a small smile on his lips. „with me, that is“, he added, barely audible.

„okay“, jean replied, leaning in.

jean was a couple inches taller than jeremy, and jeremy had to stand on his tiptoes to close the last few inches between them.

it was a soft kiss, a different than the stolen ones from kevin. better. these tasted like sunlight, like warmth, like home.

jean kissed jeremy back. carefully, softly, being scared he would break him, destroy him with his darkness.

„how was it?“, jeremy smiled at him after they were done, exchanging kisses, not stealing them. they were equals, no one would hurt him for wanting this

„i think i‘m only attracted to you“, jean admitted quietly. „but like not sexually. i don‘t like sex. never did. i never thought anyone was sexually attractive, i never wanted this and i still don‘t. i‘m sorry“

„you don‘t have to apologize, jean. that‘s being called asexual, the lack of sexual attraciton that is. and the not wanting sex part? sex repulsed. very valid. i will never be like them, i will never force you to do anyhting you‘re not comfortable with“

„and what if you miss having sex and want it and i can‘t give it to you?“, jean asked, tears burning behind his eyes. „i‘m not worth of your light, your warmth, your love as it is. i‘m broken, i‘m dark, i‘m everything you don‘t deserve. you deserve someone who is fixed and happy and can give you the entire world and go places without a panic attack and and and“

„ssh, jean. it‘s alright. it‘s alright. i want you. no one but you. i really, really like you and i am glad you like me to. you‘re not broken, you‘re not dark. you are wonderful. and no one is fixed, we‘re all a little broken in our own ways. i struggled with an eating disorder. i have adhd. sometimes i feel a little sad without any reason and can‘t get out of bed. sometimes i can‘t sleep and other days i could sleep for days. i don‘t need the entire world, i just need you“

it was this june, about a year after jean arrived in california, that he not only found a person who saw more in him than his scars, but a person who loved him not despite of them but for them

the second pride month

it‘s been a year since jean and jeremy kissed for the first time. a year full of highs and lows, fights and making up, miscommunication and cuddles, sweet kisses and ones tasting of tears. but it was also the year jean figured out that he might not be a boy after all.

„do you ever feel like you‘re not a entirely a boy?“, jean asked softly, threading his fingers through jeremy‘s soft blonde hair.

„dude, i‘m genderfluid, remember? alvarez bursted in our room and threw these in our face so people could refer to me with the right pronouns“

„that‘s why you changed your middle name to sol isn‘t it? because you like the sun and you like your hispanic heritage and it‘s a female name?“

„exactamente mi corazón“

„what are you today?“, jean asked softly, as he did every day.

„they/them, i don‘t feel like a guy or a girl today. just vibing“

„i- i think i‘m not entirely a boy either. like i know i was born as a boy and i‘m okay with that. but i feel like there‘s more to that. i can‘t put it in words but i think i want to try to go by he/ they. what do you call those people who don‘t quite find in the binary? i think i‘m that“

„that‘s nonbinary darling. i‘m proud of you. you‘re doing great“

jean didn‘t know how to repeat to that so he just decided to pull jeremy closer to him.

this pride month jean found a little part of himself, another puzzle piece to the mystery that his own person and it felt like a tiny little step towards a future he never dreamt he would have.

it was also the month he started wearing nail polish, because he loved the look on jeremy‘s face when they did them. occasionally he will wear some eyeliner.

the third pride month

another year passed, this year jean got himself a support dog. to help with the anxiety attacks. to help him heal.

it‘s a dalmatiner, called luna. she was trained to feel when he is uncomfortable and come closer to him, licking his hands, being close, being there

it is also the month he wanted to join jeremy for pride

„what are you today?“

„a girl i think. jeremy or sol are both fine“

„will you draw the flags on my face?“, he asked on the day of the parade.

„are you sure you want to go honey?“, sol asked softy, while she went to the bathroom to get her things.

„would i have asked if it wasn‘t moi amour?“, jean replied. „wait hold on, don‘t answer that“, he laughed looking at jeremy‘s face.

„but i‘m sure. first of all it makes you happy. second of all you missed it the last two years. third of all it will piss kevin off and i love that almost as much as i love. and lastly i have luna, she makes sure i‘m fine and i can always leave when i feel uncomfortable“

„okay, babe. what do you want me to do?“

„i want my flags on my face and maybe you can do my nails“, jean replied, smiling at jeremy as he did ever so often. „cover the tatoo, will you?“, he asked softly, touching the cursed three, counting the days for his cover up appointment in july.

„it‘s soon gone honey. it‘s gonna be alright“, jeremy whispered, feeling the tension in jean‘s shoulders.

„which color do you want your nails? mine are pastel rainbow look! alvarez got me those for my birthday last month! do you want matching nails?“

„whatever you want darling, you can choose“

„neat!“

this year jeremy‘s hair were a soft pink. it was 2 am when he bursted into the room whisper shouting „jean i‘m gay i must do something drastic to my hair. help me?“ and who was jean to question his beautiful date mate.

so jeremy took jean‘s face carefully in his hands, starting to draw jean‘s pride flags (demiromantic, asexual, nonbinary) on his face, hiding his tattoo underneath the black/ white/grey/ purple stripes of the asexual pride flag.

„they have no power over you anymore mi corazón. and if anyone gives you shit i will come for them“, jeremy whisperes against jean‘s lips before softly kissing them. „and now give me your beautiful hands so i can do your nails. i‘m feeling a pastel rainbow“

for the parade jean is wearing one of the shirts jeremy got him. it‘s yellow with a rainbow on it. „so you have a little brightness in your life“, he would tell him when he go it for him. it was before they started dating. it was before jean was able to tell him „but you are the brightest thing in the world and somehow you chose me as your person“, paired with light blue ripped jeans and his yellow fans. they started wearing yellow when they came to california, cutting off black completely, replacing it with colors and brightness.

jeremy on the other hand wore rainbow dungarees with a white shirt and white doc martens. his hair was up in two space buns, little pride flags put into them.

„do you think they get the hint?“, she smiled with a blinding smile.

„you‘re so unbelieveably beautiful sol“, jean replied.

they got luna and went to the parade.

it was scary, yes. but it was also beautiful.

people approaching them, asking for selfies, talking to him.

at first he was a bit anxious, but sol took their hand and luna licked his feet and it was alright. no one was hurting him. no one would punish him. he was surrounded by pride and love and happiness.

at some point he asked a girl with rainbow hair, she reminded him of renee, if she could take a picture of him and jeremy. she said yes, took one of them smiling, one of them kissing, and one of them where jeremy just smiled at his person.

it was the pride month he came out via social media. it was the pride month kevin called at two am, telling him how happy he was for them. that he himself found a boy, fell for him, but is too much a coward to do something about it. it‘s the year where he gets a lot of love, many fans telling him how proud they are of him and at least the same amount of hate. but it was alright. they had jeremy and that was all that truly mattered.

now

year after year they returned to the pride parade, with flags on their faces, or around their shoulders

sometimes neil and andrew or aaron and kevin would join them, sometimes they would go with laila and alvarez and sometimes jean and jeremy would go on their own

after college jean quit exy, jeremy went pro and gave his money to moriyamas, while jean opened his own tattoo studio, wrote songs, wrote crappy poetry and slightly better novels, tried himself as a part time model and fashion designer

they found happiness and home in each other and celebrated their love not only in pride but also every single day of the year

jean and jeremy got more dogs, an apartment of their own with big windows so they could watch the sunrise and sunset together

they have their ups and downs, like every other couple, but that doesn‘t matter. never did. what truly matters is that they keep finding back to each other. that they keep ending up in the same bed, in each others arms.

jean moreau never believed in love, never believed in soulmates and yet he found their soulmate, found the love of his life. and they are happy they stayed, kept fighting, to find this. to make a difference to the world. to be finally free. to be alive, living instead of only existing.

„jean?“, jermey says, fidgeting with his fingers.

„what is it moi soleil?“, jean relies getting lost in these ocean blue eyes.

„do you remember what happened five years ago?“, jeremy asks, his eyes looking anywhere but jean.

„we kissed for the first time?“, jean answers, panic slowly crawling through his veins.

„exactly so i thought we could celebrate this at the beach. you know, where our first date was?“, jeremy says nervously.

„honey are you alrighgt?“, jean is getting more and more worried, jeremy has never been that nervous.

„sure, come on mi corazón“

so jean slowly gets up and carefully puts on his shoes. something is weird here, something is wrong

jeremy seems off the entire ride to the beach they had their first date at.

when they arrive jean takes jeremy‘s hand, noticing that they are shaking ever so slightly. it is something like a nervous tick of them.

jean and jeremy arrive at the beach in time to watch the sun setting, making place for her lover the moon.

jean looks over to jeremy, when they suddenly get up and start pacing.

„jer, you‘re scaring me. please tell me what‘s going on up there“, jean says touching his head lightly.

„okay. i can do this“, jeremy mumbles as he gets down on his knee. „jean moreau, you are the love of my life. the light of my existence. ever since i saw you for the first time i knew i liked you, more than i was supposed to. i never dared to hope you would ever like me, or love me for that matter, but somehow you did. somehow you didn‘t turn away when i told you i‘m demi or pan or genderfluid. you stayed. you supported me. you love me. and i want to spend the rest of my life with you, so do me the favour and in the name of god, should they exist, do me the favour and marry me“

jean feels tears running his cheeks. „of course i will marry you, you loser“, he laughs, as he pulls jeremy down to him and connects their lips together. and it feels like their first kiss. it always does. and they would do that for the rest of their lives.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Seventy-Nine

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

Warnings: Fluff and smut.

Masterpost (all previous parts can be found in the masterpost)

I’m too fucking high for this right now. Harry thinks to himself as you explain your coffee chat with Seth. He may have been having a kickback with Sarah, Mitch, Gemma, and some other friends, and they may have started passing a bong around.

“Wait, so a guy you used to hook up with is bisexual and you want to set him up with Isaac?”

“Yes! Isaac’s so cute, and Seth is such a good guy, like, the best. Better than the best.”

“Please, keep tellin’ me how great Seth is, I love to hear it.” He says sarcastically.

“Oh, stop it. No one’s as good as you, that’s a given. Maybe I’ll pop by the studio tomorrow after work to see what Isaac thinks of all of it. If it works out we could all go on double dates and stuff.”

“Mmmmm, no.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

“Because then it would be like you two were on a date, and I don’t need that.”

“No it wouldn’t. I’ve never even been on a date with Seth.”

“But you dated.”

“No…we didn’t. Why are you getting mad about this?”

“Why are youuuu gettin’ so excited?”

“Are you okay? You’re talking funny.”

“Don’t I always talk funny to you, what with my accent?” Harry starts coughing and then starts to laugh. “Look, I can’t talk much longer, I have friends over.”

“Oh…sorry to bother you…”

“No! You weren’t botherin’ me!”

“Okay…well, bye.”

“Wait, now you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.”

“I can’t have friends over?”

“I never said that.”

“I told you I’d be hangnin’ with friends this week.”

“You did.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

You hang up the phone and roll your eyes. Harry texts you immediately.

Harry: you’re mad at me :(

You: I’m not

Harry: you are

You groan and toss your phone on the sofa. You take a quick shower and come back to watch some TV with Buster. You have five texts from Harry.

Harry: Y/N?

Harry: where’d ya go?

Harry: love?

Harry: angel?

Harry: baby girl?

“Jesus Christ!”

You: I went to take a shower, get back to your friends

Harry: you didn’t tell me you were taking a shower

You: didn’t realize you needed a play by play

Harry: :(

You sigh and call him.

“Hello?” He says.

“Are you okay?”

“Nevah bettah.” His accent was extremely thick today.

“Harry…I feel like I always need to tell what I’m doing and who I’m doing it with, but you’re always very vague.”

“Am not.”

“Am too.”

“Okay, you wanna know what I’m doin’ then?”

“Please, enlighten me.”

“I’m with my friends at my flat, and we’re blazed.”

“You’re high?”

“Yep. Makes me a little clingier than usual, m’sorry.”

You don’t say anything. You really didn’t like the idea of him toking up. You weren’t judging, you just didn’t understand the appeal.

“You there?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Are yeh disappointed?”

“No…I just don’t understand why you feel the need to do that.”

“It’s better than drinkin’ til I’m sick.”

“Is it?”

“I miss you. I miss you’re cute little face, and you’re-“

“Harry.” You smile. “Go back to your friends, babe. Go be a good little host, hm?”

“Alright. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You sigh and hang up the phone. You look at Buster who’s looking at you.

“Daddy is bonkers sometimes, Buster, absolutely bonkers.”

//

You were at the bar with your friends, one of the perks of being twenty-one, you could go out drinking and not have to worry about the cops showing up to bust you and your friends. Kate was busy with Kevin, and Sarah was busy with Ben. You rolled your eyes at them.

“Here.” Rachel says handing you a vodka-cranberry.

“Thanks.” You two clink your glasses and look over to the boys who were all playing pool.

“So, you and Seth, huh?”

“It was just one night. We haven’t hooked up since.”

“Why not? Thought you two were gonna do the friends with benefits thing.”

“We are…I think we’re both scared to make the first move again. I’m hoping tonight though. It was so good Rach.”

“Well, let’s go over there then. We can watch them play.”

You and Rachel walk over to Seth and Max, and a couple other guys. Seth smiles at you.

“Aw, you brought me a new drink, you shouldn’t have.” He says to you.

“Not yours.” You smirk.

“Can I get a sip?”

“Sure.” You hand it to him and he takes a sip. You watch as he licks his lips after.

“Thanks.” He hands it back to you. “You look hot tonight.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Well, you always look hot, but-“

“Seth, can we get back to it? It’s your turn.” One of the guys says.

He rolls his eyes and goes to make his shot. You and Rachel get bored and head to the dance floor. Seth looks for you and sees you dancing with her.

“Fuck this.” He says and goes out to the dance floor. “Mind if I cut in?”

“Not at all, she’s all yours.” Rachel pushes you towards him.

You giggle and back your ass up to his pelvis. His hands go on your hips and you start dancing together. You had danced with Seth plenty of times, but never really like this. He plants soft kisses on your cheek and neck. Your head rolls back to his shoulder.

“Wanna get out of here?” He whispers in your ear. You turn around and nod.

“Can we go to your place?”

“Course.”

He grabs your hand and leads you out. You make eye contact with Rachel quick and you nod at each other.

“You cold, want my jacket?” He asks, already taking it off.

“Yeah, thanks.” You put it on and feel warm instantly. His jacket smelt just like him.

He walks with his hands in his pockets on your decent to his off campus apartment.

“Sorry I haven’t really texted…” He finally says.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because…we fucked and you’re my friend and we didn’t really talk after.”

“I didn’t exactly reach out to you either.”

“Awkward, right?”

“Very awkward. Why is it so awkward?”

“I don’t know…I don’t regret anything.”

“Me either.” You smile at him.

“I think it’s just hard to find the balance, you know?”

“Seth, we don’t need to play by anyone’s rules but our own. If you wanna text me after we hook up, great, if not, it’s not a big deal. If you wanna hang out as friends and not fuck we can do that, and if you wanna hang out solely so we can fuck, then that’s cool too.”

“You’re awesome.” He throws an arm around you and it stays that way for the rest of the walk.

//

After work you head to the studio to see Mariah and Isaac. Mariah was outside getting some golden hour shots with a client.

“Hey!” Isaac says brightly to you. He walks around the desk to give you a hug, and gives Buster a treat.

“Hi! So good to see you.”

“How was London?”

“It was amazing. The weather was beautiful, and Harry was a prince as always. He’s a lot of fun to travel with.”

“I got to go with him once when had to travel for Plant Geo, so much fun. I turned twenty-one on the trip, he gave me my first shot.”

“Aww. How old are you anyways?”

“Just turned twenty-three a couple months ago.” You nod. “So, are you like super lonely without your man?”

“I think I would've been, but I have Buster so it’s not so bad. He keeps my head preoccupied.”

“We miss him a lot here. He’s so funny, and way more outgoing now that there aren’t people around to piss him off.”

“That’s great! I love hearing that kind of stuff.” You bite your bottom lip and grin at him.

“What’s that look for?”

“Okay, this may be out of left field for me to say to you, but you’re single right?”

“Y/N, you’re nice and all, and as much as I’d love to see Harry naked, I don’t think a threesome is the way to go.”

“Oh my god!” You start laughing. “No! Oh my god, nope, no, that’s not where I was going at all.”

“Oh!” He starts laughing. “Sorry.” He blushes.

“So you wanna see my boyfriend naked, huh?” You smirk.

“As if you didn’t know.”

“How ‘bout I do you one better?”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a friend, a really good friend…we’ve recently reconnected. His name is Seth.”

“Seth?! As in ‘fuckin’ Seth Rowan’.” He says in Harry’s accent. “Didn’t you hook up with him back in the day?”

“How nice of Harry to air my dirty laundry with you.”

“To be fair I was trying to pry out of him why he was walking so funny one day, and he decided to tell me about Seth instead.” Your cheeks burn.

“Uh, right.” You cough nervously. “Anyways, Seth is bi…as he’s recently told me. Don’t be mad, but I showed him a picture of you and he said you were adorable.”

“Adorable? And bi? I don’t know, is he just looking to experiment?”

“No! He said he even dated a guy long enough that he introduced him to his family. I think he’s still trying to figure out in the grand scheme if he wants to be with a man or woman, but he also said he was very fluid, and you’re so sweet Isaac, I just thought-“

“Do you have a picture?”

“Tons! Hold on.” You pull out your phone and go to Seth’s Facebook.

“Oh my god…bitch you have a type.”

“Stop! They’re not that similar. Seth actually has way more tattoos than Harry. And Harry doesn’t have any piercings.”

“So this guy…said I was adorable? He looks too hard to say something like that.”

“Oh my god, Seth is the sweetest guy ever. He just has a slight punk exterior.”

“And you wanna set me up with him? That’s not weird for you?”

“Not at all.” You scoff. “We never dated, we were just friends who hooked up from time to time.”

//

Seth gets you into his room, and once the door is locked his tongue is down your throat. You feel the cool from his piercing against your tongue. His hands were cupping your face and yours were gripping the back of his shirt. You felt like you could kiss him forever.

“So are you gonna let me get a taste tonight, or what?”

“A taste?” You giggle. “of what?” He looks at you, down to your crotch, then back to your eyes.

“Oh! You actually wanna do that?”

“Um…yeah?” He kisses on your neck and you groan. “Don’t you wanna know what this feels like rubbing up against that little clit of yours?” He says into your ear. Goosebumps raise all over your body.

You kiss him against and tug his shirt up overhead. All clothes come flying off and you get on the bed. He kisses down your entire body and pushes your legs apart. The second you feel him against you, you gasp.

“Oh my god.” You say in surprise. “Wow, oh wow.” You tug at his hair. “Seth, holy shit.” You groan.

He looks up at you and smirks.

“I know it feels good, but I do have roommates.”

“Shit! Sorry.” You blush.

“I mean, it only feeds my ego, but I don’t need a pat on the back from them. Plus, poor little Maxy.”

“I’ll be quiet.” You push his head back down and you feel him chuckle against you.

You clasp a hand over your mouth as he continues to lick you up and down. Guys had gone down on your before, but not like this. Who knew a little piercing could feel so good? You tug at his hair harder when you feel your entire body get hot and your legs start to shake. You were panting and sweating and he made your body feel better than it ever had. He kisses your inner thigh as you catch your breath.

“Do you want me to, um…” You point to his throbbing cock.

“Nah, I’d rather just stick it in, that okay?”

“Yeah!”

He smiles and grabs a condom.

“Seth?”

“Yeah?”

“Sit against the headboard.”

He raises an eyebrow, but does as you say. You move to swing your leg over him but you don’t face him. You turn to look at him over your shoulder and you kiss as you line him up with you. He groans as you sink down on him. His hands trail up to your breasts.

“You’re so fucking tight.” He nips at your earlobe. “Ready to go for a ride?”

“Mhm.”

//

“And you didn’t have any feelings for him?”

“Not like how you might think. I cared a lot about him, and he cared for me.”

“So you know how big his dick is then.”

“Yes.” You blush. He raises both his eyebrows at you, waiting for a better answer. “It’s huge man, it’s so fucking big.”

“Oh shit, really?”

“Yeah, like…I couldn’t walk right for like three days after we first hooked up. Thick too.”

“Oh, he got that girth?”

“He got that girth.”

“Shit.” He blushes. “Is it bigger than Harry’s?”

“Isaac!” You squeal.

“Oh come on, just tell me.”

“It’s…Harry’s…Harry’s is the best dick I’ve ever had, dude. Like, he just knows what to do with it. Like, it just hits all the right spots. Every time we do it, it’s like the first time. Like I always need time to adjust, even still. There’s no other dick that I’d want for the rest of my life.”

“Excuse me, I need a very cold glass of water.” He saunters over to the waiting area where there’s a glass water pitcher. You laugh at him.

“So, can I set you up with Seth or not?”

“I’d like that. It’s been a while since I’ve gone on a real date. How old is he?”

“Twenty-four.”

“Oh, well that’ll be nice. And what does he do?”

“He’s in sales.”

“Making that money, okay.” You smile.

“So like do you want me to set up a dinner for the two of you, or-“

“Can we do what you did with Mariah and have a double date?”

“I brought that up to Harry, and he didn’t seem thrilled…”

“Let’s join forces. If he has to look at the two of us while we ask, there’s no way he’d say no.”

“I think you’re right.”

“Thanks for thinking of me for this by the way.”

“No one else I could’ve thought of!” You two hug and decide to grab a quick bite to eat together before going home.

When you get home you take a leap of faith and call Seth.

“Hey Y/N!”

“Hi Sethy!”

“How was your day?”

“Good, how was yours.”

“Way too fucking hot, but it was good.” You laugh and agree with him. “So what’s up?”

“Well, I talked with my friend Isaac today…”

“Oh?”

“He’s interested.”

“I didn’t doubt that he would be.”

“Narcissist.”

“Bitch.”

“Whore.”

“Slut.”

“Okay!” You both laugh. “Jesus. Anyways, we wanna set up a double sate to take the edge off, but I have to convince Harry of it.”

“Oh, so he’s not into the idea of hanging out more intimately with a guy you used to have insanely hot sex with?” He asks sarcastically.

“Can you stop saying stuff like that?”

“Why, it making you all flustered?”

“No! You wish.” You hear him chuckle.

“I’m kidding, you know that right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, look, I think a double date is a great idea, and I hope you can get him on board with it.”

“I’m sure I’ll be able to.”

“Just suck his dick, and keep sucking after he comes, you’re good at that.”

“Seth!”

“Oh, does he not know where you learned that?”

“I will murder you, I will come there and end your life. If we all go out and you can’t say things like that.”

“Obviously! I’m not stupid.”

“Jesus, you scare me sometimes, you really do.”

“When’s he come home, by the way? You lonely?”

“Why do people keep asking me that?” You sigh. “He’ll be home in three days. And I’m not super lonely, I have Buster.”

“Buster? Oh! Your dog.” He laughs.

“I can’t think about missing him too much or else I get kind of sad.”

“You really love him, don’t you?”

“More than anything. I’ve never felt this way before.”

“Think you’ll marry him someday?”

“Definitely.”

“That’s nice. I’ve seen you cry over too many douches, I’m glad you’re with someone that can really take care of you.”

“He takes the best care of me, Seth. We take care of each other.”

You and Seth talk for hours. You tell him so many things about Harry, and he talks about some of his past relationships. You talk for so long you fall asleep with your phone in your hand.

//

There was a party at the boy’s place. You and Seth kept making eyes across the room. You had been hooking up pretty regularly. There was another girl at the party trying to get his attention. He was humoring her, but his eyes kept falling to you. He tells the girl he needs to use the bathroom, but his feet take him to you instead.

“Hey.” He says, taking a sip of his drink.

“Hi.” You smile and bite the rim of your cup.

“You drunk?”

“A little. You?”

“A little.” You both giggle. You put your hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, um, I know this is your party and you probably don’t wanna leave.” He starts laughing. “Come on let me do it.” He makes a serious face and you clearn your throat. “You probably don’t want to leave, but I need to get back to my apartment, and I don’t wanna walk alone.” You pout. “Would you be able to walk me home?”

“You know, it would be rude to leave my guests…” He looks you up and down. “But as a gentleman and a scholar, I find it to be my civic duty to make sure a pretty girl such as yourself get home safely.”

“So selfless of you.”

“What can I say? I live to serve.”

He smirks and puts an arm around you. You knew you’d have your room to yourself tonight. It was perfect.

“Do you have everything?”

“Mhm, got my purse right here.”

“Cool.”

He leads you to the front door and you both slip out.

//

“You look exhausted.” Niall says when he picks you up for work.

“I am.”

“Why?”

“I was up all night on the phone.”

“Aww, you and Harry just miss each other that much?”

“I…wasn’t on the phone with Harry.” Niall gives you a confused look.

“Who could you possibly be on the phone with then?”

“Seth.”

“Y/N!”

“It’s not what you think! I’m setting him up with Isaac, remember? I spoke with Isaac yesterday and he’s into it. So I called Seth to tell him, and then he asked me all these questions about Harry. I pretty much mouth vomited about Harry. He told me about some of his relationships too. It was totally innocent. We used to talk all the time.”

“You’re a guy-friend girl.” He shakes his head.

“What?!”

“That’s your thing. You have the girls, but you I swear you prefer guy friends.”

“I suppose you’re not wrong. Guys are just so much easier…”

“That’s a load of bull.”

“Is not! Seth and I were friends for years and he was always easy to talk to. He still is. You’re really easy to talk too.” You grab his hand and give it a squeeze. “Niall?”

“What?”

“Do you think I’m replacing you?”

“No.” He pouts.

“Niall!”

“What?”

“I’m not replacing you!”

“Course not, I’m the one you replaced Seth with.”

“Don’t do this, don’t be like this.”

“I can’t remember the last time we just talked on the phone all night.”

“You wanna call me tonight? Let’s have a phone call tonight.”

“No, now it’s a force.”

“Do…do you and Sarah want to come over for dinner tonight?”

“I think that would be nice, yeah.”

All men are babies. You think to yourself.

//

“That’s nice they’re comin’ over for dinner tonight. What are yeh havin’?”

“I’m grilling some veggies.”

“Nice!”

“I miss you.” Your voice cracks.

“Babe…”

“I wish you were home.”

“Two more days.”

“I know.”

“Please don’t cry, if you cry then I’m gonna cry and if I cry again I think my sister will murder me.” You start laughing and so does he.

“I just want you home…I’m sorry.”

“Just think, in like a week we’re gonna be at a nice beach house for like five days with all our friends for your birthday.”

“Yeah, it’ll be so much fun.” You hear your buzzer. “They’re here, I better go. I love you.”

“Love you too babe.”

You let Sarah and Niall in, and the three of you get settled outside.

“Mm, I didn’t even know you could grill veggies.” Sarah says. “This is yummy.”

“Thanks!”

“So…how’s Seth?” She smiles.

“Oh good, Niall told you we were talking.” You glare at him.

“Didn’t realize it was a secret.” He smirks.

“It’s not. And he’s good. I’m setting up with Isaac.”

“He’s gay?!” She nearly spits. “No fucking way, that man loves pu-“

“He’s bi…” You say before she can finish the sentence.

“Oh… well alright then.” She sits back and Niall is glaring at her. “What?”

“Nothin’.” He sips his water.

“He’s pretty excited to meet Isaac. I think they could be good together.”

“Isaac is so sweet, he deserves a little loving.” Sarah says.

“Exactly! The second Seth told me he was into guys I immediately thought of Isaac.”

//

The next couple of days go by agonizingly slow. You were going nuts without Harry. You and Seth text off and on, and Isaac texts you a bit too. Eventually the day comes where you’re supposed to pick Harry up at the airport. You take a half day from work to go get him.

You change into a cute pair of shorts and a short sleeve shirt to go pick him up. You drive up to the pick up area of Logan and see him just walking out. Everything felt like slow motion. He had his sunglasses on, a snapback, shorts and a t-shirt that says Girls Are Smarter on it. Your jaw drops. It was like you were seeing him for the first time ever. You park and immediately get out of the car. He smiles when he sees you. He drops his bag and picks you up as you jump into his arms.

“Fuck, I missed you.” He says as he kisses you.

“I missed you too.” You groan against his lips. He sets you down and you both rush into the car.

He keeps his hand on your thigh as you drive out of the airport, and squeezes it.

“Harry, we just need to make it home.”

“I know.” You were completely flustered.

“How, um, how was your flight?”

“Good.” He smirks.

“And, uh, the rest of your week? It was good?”

“Yup. How wet do you think your knickers are right now?”

“Harry, please. We’re twenty minutes from home, please.”

Buster yips from the backseat.

“Oh shit! I didn’t even see him, hey buddy!” Harry gives Buster his hand and he licks it.

You get up to your apartment, and through the door. Buster runs over to his bowl of water and then settles into his dog bed. You pin Harry up against the wall of the front hall and he raises both eyebrows at you. You grab his face and pulls him down for a kiss. Your tongue is in his mouth in seconds. His hands go to undo your shorts and yours move down to undo his.

You yank his shorts and boxers down, and kneel in front of him.

“Babe, I’ve just been on a plane for six hours, don’t you want me to-oh, okay, ngh, shit.”

He was already down your throat. You didn’t care about anything right now. You wanted him so bad. You look up at him while you swallow around him and his mouth falls open. You smirk at him and hollow your cheeks. You bob up and down on him and grown. His head rolls back to the wall.

“I’m gonna come if you keep doin’ that.” You suck on him faster. He grabs you and pulls you off.

“Wha-“

“Don’t wanna come yet.” He pulls you to your feet. “But I appreciate your enthusiasm.”

He pulls you in for a kiss and walks you over to the couch. You each tug your shirts off, and he unhooks your bra. He kisses down your chest and sucks a nipple into his mouth.

“Ah, fuck.” You moan. He reaches a hand between your legs.

“Jesus, you’re soaked.”

“I want you so bad Harry, please just fuck me. Come on, take me on the couch.”

Harry sits down on the edge of the sofa and pats his legs you. You sit down on him, straddling him, facing him, taking him in.

“You look so tan.”

“Got outside for a bit.”

“Oh yeah?”

You sink your teeth into the crook of his neck and suck on him.

“Yeah.” He breathes.

You line him up with you and and sink down on him.

“Holy shit!” You yell. “Oh my god.” The familiar stretch from him was so satisfying.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” He slots his lips over yours and works his way to your neck and his arms press you close to him.

You move your hips in small circles at first, adjusting to him easier. You start to move up and down on him and he moans out. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth and tug at his hair as he thrusts up into you. You’re bouncing up and down on him at a delicious pace. You two continue to kiss each other sloppily.

Wet kisses trail down your neck to your chest as he sucks on your skin, leaving mark after mark. Your nails dig into his back and claw down when he starts to hit your g-spot.

“God, do that again.”

“It’ll leave marks if I do.”

“When have I ever fuckin’ cared about you leaving a mark on me?”

“Good point.”

He gives another sharp thrusts and your nails trail down his back again. He groans again. His hands on your hips move you faster and faster on him.

“Oh my god, Harry, fuck, I’m gonna come, baby, shit!”

You moan loudly and release around him. You rest your head against his shoulder as he continues to thrust up into you. He picks you up off of him and bends you over the side of the couch. You grin and gasp when he reenters you. He smacks you ass a couple of times as he rocks in and out of you. A hand snakes around to rub your sensitive clit.

His other hand is on the base of the back of your neck as he drives into you. Your hands grip the sofa and your knuckles turn white.

“Tell me how good it feels, Harry!”

“Feels so fuckin’ good!”

He rubs your clit faster and your legs start to shake. You come again, but he continues to pound into you.

“Fuck, Harry! I want you to come for me!”

“Yeah, you want me to fill that cunt up?”

“God, yes!”

His thrusts get sloppy, but they’re forceful. His comes shoots into you and you gasp at the feeling. He takes a moment to catch his breath before he pulls out of you. You stand up and turn around. You wrap your arms around his torso and rest your head against his chest. His arms wrap around you and he kisses the top of your head.

“My baby.” You coo. “My doll.” He chuckles and tilts your chin up to look at him.

“Can we go to the bedroom?”

“Mhm.” You smile.

“Do you have enough energy to, um…” You give his bum a little pat.

“Want me to take care of you?”

“Please, I’m desperate for it.” He rests his forehead against yours. “Well, not so much it, more so watching you do it to me.”

“I would love to take you in there, and make you feel so fucking good.” You kiss him. “Let’s go.”

//

You and Harry spent the entire afternoon in bed together, taking turns making each other feel good. You took care of that ass just like he wanted. Instead of going right to the bath though, he had you sit on his face. It wasn’t something you did often, but when you did it felt amazing. It was only a week apart, but it felt way longer.

You spent some time snuggling and giggling and talking. He showed you some pictures he took on his phone and you would steal kisses from him while he was talking. You were ravenous by the time it you would normally eat dinner.

“Wanna go out tonight, or are you exhausted?” You ask him.

“Yeah we could go grab a bite.” He smiles. “I need to shower though.”

“Me too.”

You both rinse off quick and get dressed.

“Where do you feel like goin’?” He asks as he gets a t-shirt on.

“Anywhere’s fine. Did you wanna see what Niall and Sarah are up to?”

“Nah.”

“Nah?”

“Yeah, I just wanna spend time with you.” You kiss him.

“We could go down to that pizza place that has the cauliflower crust.”

“Oh! Great idea.” You both leave the bedroom. “Buster, mummy and daddy are goin’ out. We’ll the TV on for you. We won’t be long.” He pats him on the head.

You both head out and start your walk to the pizza place. It was a beautiful night. Harry kept your hand in his. You feel your phone go off and see that it’s Seth.

“Hey!”

“Hey, how was your day?”

“Good, my doll is home.” You look up at Harry and smile.

“Oh that’s great! He fuck you up when you got home?”

“A little bit yeah.” You chuckle.

“Oh good, I’m glad.” He laughs. “I watched that movie you suggested last night, and it was as funny as you said.”

“Right?! I still can’t believe you had never-“ You look up at Harry. “Hey, w’re about to get dinner…”

“Oh shit, yeah, um, enjoy! Talk later?”

“Sure! I’ll text you.”

“Cool, bye!”

“Bye!”

Harry looks down at you as you put your phone back in your pocket.

“You didn’t have to rush off the phone.”

“I know, I just, wanna be in the moment with you, that’s all. I can talk to him anytime.”

You and Harry get into the pizza place and seat yourselves. A waiter comes over to take your order. You each order a beer for a drink as well.

“So…when did you want this super fun double date to happen?”

“Harry.” You sigh. “I’m not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to…” He runs a hand through his hair. “I just, like, what if this is all some elaborate scheme for him to steal you away from me. I mean, does he call you every day?”

“Not every day…but we’ve been talking more. Harry, he’s not interested in me, not like that. We never wanted a relationship with each other. It was strictly physical.”

“It could still be physical.”

“But I only want you.” You put your hand over his and squeeze it. “I only ever want you.”

“He’s a little similar to me, it freaks me out a bit. It’s like you have a type or somethin’.” You scoff and shake your head.

“Maybe on the outside you two have some things in common, but you’re two very different people, I can assure you.”

“And Isaac’s excited about him?”

“Very excited.” Harry sighs and takes a sip of his beer.

“Okay, after your birthday weekend, we can all go on a double date.”

“Really?” You beam at him.

“He seems important to you, and I’m tryin’ to be less jealous about the people in your life. I mean, my friend Sarah has been in my life for a long time and you didn’t get jealous once.”

“She’s with Mitch.”

“But still. You’re always so…secure.”

“Because I love you more than an anything Harry, you’re my everything.” He smiles at you.

“And you’re mine.”

[asafespotontheweb]

this post is a repost from <imgaybitheway.tumblr.com>, mainly because that blog seems to have since disappeared. this is really only for my personal keeping, as a reminder to the self. many of the typing errors have been fixed.

post begins below:

A lot of bisexual history has been erased so I figured I’d remind you all of some quotes and clear up any misunderstandings about bisexuality.

Bisexuality has been described as attraction regardless of gender for decades.

“I am bisexual because I am drawn to people regardless of gender.” - ‘The Bisexual Community: Are We Visible Yet?’, 1987

“In the midst of whatever hardships we [bisexuals] had encountered, this day we worked with each other to preserve our gift of loving people for who they are regardless of gender.” - Elissa M., “Bi Conference,” Bi Women, 1985

“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.” - Office Pink Publishing, “Introduction,” Bisexual Lives, 1988

“Being bisexual does not mean they have sexual relations with both sexes but that they are capable of meaningful and intimate involvement with a person regardless of gender.” - Janet Bode, “The Pressure Cooker,” View From Another Closet, 1976

“Over the past fifteen years, however, [one Caucasian man] has realized that he is ‘attracted to people -- not their sexual identity’ and no longer cares whether his partners are male or female. He has kept his Bi identity and now uses it to refer to his attraction to people regardless of their gender.” - Paula C. Rust, “Sexual Identity and Bisexual Identities,” Queer Studies: A Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Anthology, 1998

“To be bisexual is to have the potential to be open emotionally and sexually to people as people, regardless of their gender.” - Sex and Sexuality: A Thematic Dictionary of Quotations, 1993

Bisexuality doesn’t have to mean a person “sees gender”.

“[S]ome bisexuals say they are blind to the gender of their potential lovers and that they love people as people... For the first group, a dichotomy of genders between which to choose doesn’t seem to exist.” - Kathleen Bennett, “Feminist Bisexuality, a Both/And Option for an Either/Or World,” Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism, 1992

“Some bisexual respondents bypass the issue of ‘degrees’ of attraction to women and men by defining bisexuals as a humanistic, gender-blind way of relating to others. They see bisexuality as a way of loving the person, not their sex, or being nondiscriminatory in their attractions to others. For example, Ludwica wrote, ‘I feel as if I’m open to respond to the person, not just the gender.’ ” - “Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics: Sex, Loyalty, and Revolution” by Paula C Rust, 1995

“I believe that people fall in love with individuals, not with a sex... I believe most of us will end up acknowledging that we love certain people or, perhaps, certain kinds of people, and that gender need not be a significant category, though for some of us it may be.” - Ruth Hubbard, ‘There Is No ‘Natural’ Human Sexuality, Bi Women’ , 1986

“Some women who call themselves ‘bisexual’ insist that the gender of their lover is irrelevant to them, that they do not choose lovers on the basis of gender.” - Marilyn Murphy, “Thinking About Bisexuality,” Bi Women, 1991

“Some of us are bisexual because we do not pay much attention to the gender of our attractions.” - Bisexual Politics, Quiries and Visions, 1995

Bisexuality is inclusive of all genders.

“Who is this group for exactly? Anyone who identifies as bisexual or thinks they are attracted to or interested in all genders... This newly formed [support] group is to create a supportive, safe environment for people who are questioning their sexual orientation and think they may be bisexual.” - “Coming Out as Bisexual,” Bi Women, 1994

“It’s easier, I believe, for exclusive heterosexuals to tolerate (and that’s the word) exclusive homosexuals than [bisexuals] who, rejecting exclusivity, sleep with people not genders...” - Martin Duberman, 1974

“The bisexual community should be a place where lines are erased. Bisexuality dismisses, disproves, and defies dichotomies. It connotates a loss of rigidity and absolutes. It is an inclusive term.” - ‘Essay for the Inclusion of Transsexuals’, Kory Martin-Damon, 1995

“Bisexual - being emotionally and physically attracted to all genders.” - The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network, “Out of the Past: Teacher’s Guide” 199?

“Bisexuality is much more than, and different from, the sensationalized ‘third choice, best of both worlds’ phenomena it’s made out to be. Bisexuality is an inclusive term that defines immense possibilities avalable to us, whether we act on them or not.” - “Bi Any Other Name”, Loraine Hutchens and Lani Ku'ahumany, 1991

“Bisexual consciousness, because of its amorphous quality and inclusive nature, posed a fundamental threat to the dualistic and exclusionary thought patterns which were -- and still are -- tenaciously held by both the gay liberation leadership and its enemies.” - “The Bisexual Movement’s Beginnings in the 70s”, Bisexual politics, Naomi Tucker, 1995

Bisexuality historically and currently includes transgender and nonbinary people.

“With respect to our integrity as bisexuals, it is our responsibility to include transgender people in our language, in our communities, in our politics, and in our lives.” - Bisexual Politics: Theories, Queries, and Visions by Naomi S Tucker, 1995

“Bisexuality is here defined as the capacity, regardless of the sexual identity label one chooses, to love and sexually desire both same -- and other -- gendered individuals. The term other-gendered is used here deliberately and is preferable to the term opposite -- gendered, because other -- gendered encompasses a recognition of the existence of transgendered and transsexual individuals, who may embrace gender identities other than [male and female.]” - “Bisexuality: The Psychology and Politics of an Invisible Minority” by Beth A. Firestein and Dallas Denny, 1996

“From the earliest years of the bi community, significant numbers of TV/TS [transvestite/transsexual] and transgender people have always been involved with it. The bi community served as a kind of refuge for people who felt excluded from the established gay and lesbian communities.” - Kevin Lano, “Bisexuality and Transgenderism,” Anything That Moves, 1998

“Bisexuality means having the capacity to be attracted to people of both major genders (don’t forget: there are gender minorities, too).” “As with the word Bisexual, they usually also imply that relations with gender minorities are possible.” - ‘Bisexuality: A Reader and a Sourcebook’, 1990

“There were a lot of transvestites and transsexuals who came to [the San Francisco Bisexual Center in the 1970s], because they were not going to be turned away because of the way they dressed.” - David Lourea in “Bisexual Histories in San Francisco in the 1970s and Early 1980s,” Dworkin, 2000 Journal of Bisexuality

“The actual lived non-binary history of the bisexual community and movement and the inclusive culture and community spirit of bisexuals are eradicated when a binary interpretation of our name for ourselves is arbitrarily assumed.” - “Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out” by Lani Ka’ahumanu, ????

“In the bisexual movement as a whole, transgendered individuals are celebrated not only as an aspect of the diversity of the bisexual community, but, because like bisexuals, they do not fit neatly into dichotomous categories.” - “Bisexuality and the Challenge to Lesbian Politics” by Paula C. Rust, 1995

[dirtydancingdean]

8, 12, 30

8. if you could remove one season of supernatural, which one would it be and why?

ohh man. ok. keeping in mind that i haven't seen past s12, i think i’d go with either s7 (obvious choice) but since we’re introduced to both kevin and charlie in that season and i also feel irrationally amused by all the dick jokes, maybe s9? it has a lot of great episodes obviously but the amount of concepts that they underused makes me blind with fury and also they treated cas like trash and they killed off kevin my bestie kevin. but also 9.07 bad boys...s7 or s9 tho.

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick.

many many things i could discuss here but i will talk about DEAN’S OUTFITS, including his jewellery, layers, and leather jacket. back in like 2014 every day you would see a post about dean’s three layers of shirts and overshirts and jackets and how they represented his bisexuality and i think we should bring those back to be quite honest...like he wears flannels and jeans to be like every midwestern american masculine ideal, but where with sam and john it comes off natural, with dean it looks like. every gay person i’ve ever known. and why???? is it his rings and amulet in the early seasons, which make it look less like he wore something random and more like he obsessively planned his outfit down to the last detail, which mean he wears both traditionally masculine clothes and traditionally feminine accessories? the amulet his little brother gave him, which he wears for over a decade, despite all his insecurities about appearing not masculine enough, shows how much he loves sam more than his own insecurities. like how many times do you think dean got asked why he wears that amulet, but he doesn't take it off until s5. the leather jacket of course is representative of everything he wants to be, and he’s drowning it, he’s drowning in his father’s expectations - and we dont even see john give him that jacket actually. dean just finds it in the pilot, puts it on, and doesn’t take it off until he packs it away in 5.18 when he gives up hope and then we don’t see it again! he lets go of those expectations! he kind of lets himself just be comfy, like with the bathrobe and the plaid of bisexuality. but he also stops wearing all his rings a lot of the time a while after cas shows up and i think that’s because he becomes more conscious of how he appears to cas, and how he reacts to cas.

30. make up a fact about a character and convince me it’s true.

dean has listened to how to be a heartbreaker by marina which is about him. my evidence: it was released in december 2012, around the time dean has come back from purgatory which means dean just came back from having his star-crossed love triangle with cas and benny which means dean just came back from feeling like the hot ya protagonist. it comes on the radio after he and benny break up and he’s really feeling it.

ask me spn opinions!

[whatmack]

forbidden kevin/matt content u say 👀

They’d be really cute? Let Kevin have a soft bro but also a bromance that’s actually a rormance. And we sure fuckin know that Matt’s drawn to strong personalities. Anyway merry 25th here’s 776 unedited words:

“Who on the team have you had a crush on?” Allison asks.

Kevin narrows his eyes at her. They’re not playing a drinking game, so he has no idea why Allison is asking him personal questions. He hefts his gym bag higher up his shoulder and tries to ignore the mud seeping into his socks. It rained all of last night and this morning, and Andrew drove off as soon as Neil was in the passenger seat of the Maserati. Dick.

At least it isn’t last year. He and Allison used to make the trek to the Humanities building after Tuesday practice in thorny silence. “That depends on who’s asking.”

“Allison Reynolds, defensive dealer, saved your fucking ass three days ago against the Jackals,” says Allison, her smile blinding and without mercy, and okay, Kevin does have to admit that his concentration had lapsed for an important moment and Allison had stepped in.

“It would be easier to say who I haven’t had a crush on,” Kevin admits. Puddle water splashes up his ankles. His Early Midaeval lecture is going to be miserable. “You’re all Exy players. And I’m—” bisexual. “Me.”

The glint in Allison’s eyes bodes nothing well. “You had a crush on me?”

Like calls to like: in his better moments Kevin can admit to some of the same self-possessed arrogance as Allison has. It’s not as if either of them are without reason. “For about five seconds. It’s long dead, don’t worry.”

“Your loss,” says Allison. She tosses her hair. Kevin thinks she’s doing it as a joke, but it’s hard to tell, with Allison. “Renee?”

“She took her helmet off and I saw her hair.”

“Neil? Oh my god, the monster? You totally did. You were so pathetic following him around.”

The back of Kevin’s neck grows hot. “We can’t all deal with our trauma by buying a new designer wardrobe.”

“Shame.”

They trudge a few steps in silence. Kevin eyes the curb and wonders if it would be worth it to hop up there for the potentially drier ground. The possibility of falling off and embarrassing himself forever (Allison will definitely take pictures) is a glaring dissuasion.

“…Dan? Ooh, scandalous, that’s our captain.”

“No,” says Kevin. “Actually. She always felt more like a—” sister. Especially now. “Teammate.”

“From the stories I’ve heard, in the Nest that wasn’t mutually exclusive.”

Sex, yes. Crushes? Kevin remembers the taste of Thea’s notes as he ripped them up and stuffed them in his mouth, frantic to swallow them before Riko asked why he was taking so long on the toilet. “Don’t be jealous I’ve had more sex than you, Reynolds.”

“Hardly. Matt?”

Kevin falters. He knows from retellings that Nicky made a beeline for Matt when the cousins arrived, and Kevin can understand why. Matt is tall, with a body that takes to muscle well, comfortable in his broad shoulders. He’s easy with his affection and when he smiles the corners of his eyes crinkle, like his mouth alone can’t contain his happiness. He’s also got a solid foundation as a backliner. Uncreative, but that gives Kevin something to work with. He’d mesh well with Jean’s sharper style of play.

“He’s dating Dan,” says Kevin. Monogamy has been a strange concept for him to apply to college students, but he’s learning fast. Mostly out of necessity.

Unfortunately, Allison is as smart as she is vicious. “That’s not a no.”

Kevin sets his foot down harder than necessary. His shoes squelch. “How long are you going to follow this conversation?”

“Now that you’ve shown it bothers you? Forever. Kevin has a cru-ush, Kevin has a cru-ush, Kevin has a cru-ush—"

“Shut up,” Kevin hisses, looking around as if Matt will materialize out of the manicured collegiate lawn around them. “This is unimportant to our performance on the Court. And like I said, he’s dating Dan.”

“Mm. Well. I’ve made out with Dan at parties, and neither Matt nor Dan seemed to mind.”

This is new information. “What?”

“Something to think about,” Allison says. She jogs Kevin with her elbow and laughs as he stumbles into a particularly slimy puddle. “Get some, prodigy boy. It might unclench the Exy stick shoved up your ass.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck Matt, you wish.”Kevin bites the inside of his cheek. Allison is not wrong. He’s had…dreams.“And here’s something to keep you warm during your boring old people lecture: that time you wore a tank top to practice? He was definitely checking out your arms.”

Kevin misses saying good-bye to her as she swerves towards the doors because he’s too busy choking on his own tongue.

[vermiculated]

books 2017 finale

this is almost brief. 

december: The Lying Game - Ruth Ware Every Heart A Doorway - Seanan McGuire Saving Morgan - MB Panichi Call Me By Your Name - Andre Aciman City of Fallen Angels - Cassandra Clare City of Lost Souls - Cassandra Clare (see below) Barry Lyndon - William Thackeray Into Thin Air - John Krakauer

that was the brief part, this is the ‘almost’ part. 279 for the year, up from 188 last year. 

Why Did I Ever - Mary Robison fiction, re-read, it is a delight always. 

Binti - Nnedi Okorafor fiction, I read a couple of other interesting explorations of "what does it mean when I am more like the monster than the hero?" which is pretty astoundingly generative as a genre, this was my fave. Binti herself explores two alien cultures, and reacts in practical ways to the unexpected, which is always a delight in a heroine. Space is strange; let us not dwell on realism, it's a different real. This willingness to abandon what does not work is characteristic of young women. Young women are great sff protagonists, and young women of historically-disadvantaged backgrounds who are incontestably heroic are the greatest sff protagonists of all. 

The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage - Sydney Padua art, complex and excitingly rich alternative history, which not only explains computing history but also, at the last page, yanks at the heart of anyone who has ever yearned. The art is propulsive and antic, and the visual puns are very good. (not to be missed: the encounter with Queen Victoria!) Even I, a person who is bad at reading graphic novels, loitered over the drawings to understand them rather than reading the words and flipping the page. 

IQ - Joe Ide fiction, what Sherlock Holmes would actually be like in a modern novel. A loner in a big important city who feels that he has much to make up for, check the convincing depiction of depression, and the real nightmares who actually do fall short in the world's estimation, except that the world is too busy to notice them at all. The main thread is a fun romp, and the minor characters are so exquisite that it is almost a picaresque. I was talking about this loudly on a train, and when I and it stopped, a man came up to me and asked if I could give him the title again as he wanted to buy it. TRUE. 

Hild - Nicola Griffith fiction, on the recommendation of @inclineto This is what historical fiction should be like: it's not that this was somehow better than everything else, it was merely relevatory. Historical fiction can be about religion, power, families, war and how to card wool. (You don't have to pick if you are an inside or outside person! Girls, you can be both Thayet and Buri!) The protagonist can be cheerfully bisexual, too. It's as though all of the novels we have determinedly pretended were about gals being in love with other gals came true, and also the heroine gutted bad guys and was eventually canonized. 

Everything is Teeth - Evie Wyld and Joe Sumner art, teeth were a big theme this year (as ever) and this is the one where a) no one talks about the shameful inequalities in provision of dental care to children in the United States and b) no one fucks a fish. just letting the distinguished reader know that I have a selection process for what I read, I can see how that might not be clear. I would be delighted to talk about a) and b) mentioned here, or anything else I read this year. 

Water Dogs - Lewis Robinson fiction, re-read, always always. the person who loves novels about well-off and unusual families falling apart in opulent squalor either literal or metaphoric and maybe murder? that person is tuv. Inexplicably, no part of this was ever published in The New Yorker. 

Margaret the First - Danielle Dutton fiction, on the recommendation of @elanormcinerney  The subgenre of “garrulous historical person in his or her own words" is becoming something of a crowded field (Ruth Scurr's book on/with John Aubrey is the other best entrant, there are others) and the artistry involved in this example is particularly fulfilling. This is smart and I remembered all the stuff about science and poetry that Arts & Letters Daily is always trying to teach me. That's why to read women, among other reasons. The smarts. 

Blood in the Water - Heather Ann Thompson non-fiction, persistent mismanagement, gross racism, and inadequate communication turn out not to be the way to run an organization. This is really a masterpiece of microhistory, about the Attica Prison Uprising, and the ways in which people in power blind themselves to consequences of their actions, while the people who suffer the consequences of those actions suffer and continue to suffer.  

See Under: Love - David Grossman trans Betsy Rosenberg fiction, goes well with the Quay Brothers' "Street of Crocodiles," while we are talking about Bruno Schulz. I read parts of it in my head to the neighbors' dog. the dog understood. my voice would have shredded with sadness if I had spoken. thanks, Astro, for being there. 

Sarong Party Girls - Cheryl Lu-Lien Tan fiction, this is the novel that Kevin Kwan isn't tough enough to have written. It's about how grown-ups deal with the consequences of their actions, and also about drinking with pals. A person can be both of those things, and Jazzy is that, and more. 

Emotionally Weird - Kate Atkinson fiction, a strong taste for the picaresque, and a crystalline capture of youthful aimlessness and disorder even as it is being shaped by larger forces. Effie wanders through words and life, and I had a wonderful time with this one summer afternoon. No one else appears to have much liked this book, other people are wrong, it's funny. It is profoundly show-offy and unrelateable to play parlor games in the car, say book reviewers with terrible personalities -- sounds like someone lost a game of fives recently. (I’m very good at the game of fives, and I did not quite feel personally criticized when this book was unpopular, if only because I have my expertise at ‘name five mountaineers who did not climb Mount Everest’ to console me.)

A Line Made By Walking - Sara Baume fiction, I just really love books about depressed women acting as they see fit. 

Chemistry - Weike Wang fiction, I just really love books about depressed women acting as they see fit. 

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee fiction, recommended by @mysharkwillgoon see "Hild" above, books are just better when the main character solves problems and kisses everyone. This is how historical romances should be, this is what we have all received for those years of crossing our fingers under the cover of a Heyer and hoping 'maybe he'll love his best friend! maybe she'll tell her cousin what she really thinks!" and they DO. and then they escape from pirates, “The Monk,” and robbers.  

Raven Rock - Garrett Graff non-fiction, read this first and then think about how we all got from there to a study of underground bunkers and the places where some of us were going to go when the rest of us died. Offutt AFB is along the way, which only served to remind me that I have family in Nebraska and I live in fear of the day when one of them does some casual genealogy and we have to talk; "so. your state. big in the planning for our forthcoming and yet reucrring nuclear crisis, howdoes that feel? feels powerful and also sickening, yeah? anyway, your great-aunt's ashes aren't scattered in the Lincoln Tunnel, but we thought about it."  

The Art of Charlie Chan Hock Chye - Sonny Liew art, here is what we are up against. The theme this year appears to have been "weeping at what could have been." This is a first rate textbook, and a cunning subversion of the whole notion of textbooks. I learned a great deal from this; had I learned nothing, my eye would still have wandered along, marvelling at the layout. There are several overlapping stories about narrative, success, and Singaporean history, yet the metatextuality (horrible word, apologies) is never confrontational. Which is truly a pleasure. 

The Story of a Brief Marriage - Anuk Arudpragasam fiction, this is the book I've been telling everyone about as my fave book on the year. Only the most literary of adjectives will suffice: brutal, lyrical, lambent, noctilucent, I'm just typing words. 

The Unwomanly Face of War - Sveltana Alexievich trans Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky non-fiction, more incisive than more recent collections, and in a shimmering translation. Pevear and Volokhonsky have tossed words out like diamonds on black velvet. The rare wartime history that is more appealing without a map. 

City of Lost Souls - Cassandra Clare oh give me a fucking break, Jonathan nee Sebastian brainwashed Jace nee whatever while they were in the magical flying Gormenghast pied a terre, they absolutely schtupped. 

[kadebronson]

kadebronson’s LGBT book list

hey guys! so i get a decent amount of questions about if the books i talk about have any representation in them (specifically i get trc a lot which for good reasons) and i know i ship boy do i ship but i do try and read as many books as i can with actual representation so i’m gonna comply a list (a working list for now) with some good books

those bolded are faves

a flash of hex by jes battis - this is part of a series and i never got around to reading the rest because i picked it up at a used book store it features gay, bi, and trans characters it was a seriously fun sci-fi book

the amazing adventures of kavalier and clay by michael chabon - listen this book is already a classic and for good reason it’s simply amazing and has everything you could hope for two jewish cousins hopping on the comic book bandwagon one obsessed with magic and trying to be a magician and one who falls in love with a solider it’s gonna make you cry but it’s so good

the family fang by kevin wilson - imagine a wes anderson movie as a book this is basically it annie’s story of coming to terms with her sexuality is heart warming

honor among punks by guy davis and gary reed - PLEASE READ THIS this is one of my fave books of all time it’s a graphic novel set in london in the 80′s if the industrial revolution never happened jack the ripper is running rampant and a bisexual female sherlock holmes (i’m sorry sharon holmes) is on the case! also did i mention she’s a punk? with a badass mohawk? also features a trans woman character but i don’t wanna spoil that part

the parasol protectorate and it’s varying spinoffs by gail carriger - if you follow me, you know how obsessed i am with this series it is my entire life and i absolutely adore everything about it the first book in the main series, soulless, starts off a bit slow but after that it’s totally worth it it’s a steampunk sci-fi/fantasy fusion set in victorian london where werewolves, vampires, humans, and some other creatures live in harmony (sort of) and basically everyone is queer i mean everyone the main character is bi demi and two of her closest friends are a gay vampire and a lesbian inventor

blind items by matthew rettenmund - about a history buff who falls for a tv star who has to stay in the closet for his career great if you love pop culture references a lot very sweet not as heartbreaking as it sounds

p.s. your cat is dead by james kirkwood - based on a play doesn’t focus too much on the characters sexuality but for 1972 it’s pretty boss

the egyptologist by arthur phillips - my mom sent me this one once in a care package because it was about egyptian history and had a gay character because obviously that’s my whole personality it doesn’t focus that much on his sexuality like at all and the book is alright but i figured i’d include it

221 baker streets - there’s only two stories in this anthology that count but they’re both worth it another sherlock holmes one the two stories are wildly different one is of sherlock and john in the 60′s and they’re a part of the factory in new york and the other one they’re teenage girls solving mysteires in their boarding school

ghost hunter series by victoria laurie - ok so gil is sometimes the stereotypical gay bff and it drives me crazy but this whole series is cheesy as hell but i adore it so it’s making it on the list it’s exactly what you think based on the title they’re ghost hunters and that’s about it (plus some romance troubles for both m.j. and gil)

the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater - ok as said before most of the questions i get is about this series YES ronan is gay and adam is bi are these words ever said? no is it annoying? sure but the series is really good and worth it ask me to sum it up? yeah i still can’t do that but you can check my tag and try to figure it out

lumberjanes by noelle stevenson and grace ellis - girls solving supernatural mysteries at summer camp could you ask for anything more? mal and molly are absolutely adorable

giant days by john allison - another graphic novel all the characters are absolutely amazing and it is fucking hilarious we don’t get into daisy’s sexuality until a couple issues in but it’s still fun

station eleven by emily st. john mandel - ok i know i keep saying this but we don’t even find out about clark’s sexuality until the end BUUUUUUT this book is so good i rec it to everyone it’s about a pretty simple disease wiping out most of humanity and then follows the survivors 

the foxhole court series by nora sakavic - another tumblr fave you probably know about this thanks to me as well it’s definitely not for everyone it can be extremely violent but i love it so it’s on here

the captive prince trilogy by c.s. pacat - i’m not gonna say anything about this it’s my guilty pleasure ok

nimona by noelle stevenson - noelle’s lesser known graphic novel! it’s adorable but also very bittersweet nimona becomes the side kick to villain lord ballister blackheart who is hellbent on destroying his nemesis, and jilted not-quite-lover,  sir ambrosius goldenloin

aristole and dante discover the secrets of the universe by benjamin alire saenz - another one you probably know :)

every heart a doorway by seanan mcguire - PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE read this book because guess what? my url is from this book! meet kade bronson my sweet child he’s a trans man and the main character nancy is asexual it’s about people at a boarding school to help them recover from falling through magical doors and living in magical worlds so like rehab for alice after coming back thru the looking glass

rainbow boys trilogy by alex sanchez - alright this trilogy is from the late 90′s so you gotta take a lot of it with a grain of salt but it really good for what it is just about three boys (two gay, one bi) and trying to navigate through high school, coming out, life after graduation, etc.

marine biolgy by gail carriger - it’s my girl again! this is the first story she’s wrote that’s set in present day it’s about alex, a werewolf, who’s starting to fall for marvin, a merman it’s just a short story so i don’t wanna give it all away but there’s a full length book coming soon i’m excited for that!

a charm of magpies trilogy by k.j. charles - ok i still have one more left in the trilogy to read but i adore this series! it’s a little risque ok but it’s about magicians and has some crazy mysteries and i’ve been really enjoying it

alright that’s the list for now i only quickly went through my book journals but i may think of others as time goes on!

[deanstits]

AU Fic Rec, Part 4

Modern AU

Buckle the fuck in children, this is going to be long and uhhhhhhhhh long.

Modern AU - Anything set in current day, but not in the SPN universe. A lot of the BDSM/sex worker fics fit into this category but obviously??? They belong on the ever important BDSM list. Duh.

Let’s get fuckin ready.

Part One - BDSM

Part Two - Sci-FI/Fantasy

Part Three - Historical Setting

____

1. The Last Great Race - Kicking it off with a bang. Cas is a reporter, he goes to Alaska to cover the Iditarod - the dog sled race. Dean is participating and so is Sam and there are so many huskies and also romance. It has a prequel time stamp. It is lovely and I love it and read this right now.

2.  Pies and Prejudice - This is on my Top 8, but it’s a Pride and Prejudice Great British Bake Off Modern AU Fusion. Dean is Liz and Cas is Darcy. Please read this it’s wonderful and also cake is involved.

3. Between The Lines - Fam, Okay, I thought this was going to be Garbage but it’s not. Environmentalist Cas gets in a twitter feud(!!!!) with Western Actor Dean and they make a bet to live in off the land for a week and it’s. Amazing. Enemies 2 frends 2 luvrs. Trust me.

4. And Then You Destroy Yourself - The only Non-BDSM College AU worth reading. Cas is a freshman, he joins the College Newspaper, there is drama and mystery and intrigue. And Gay. The underage drinking is bit cringe but it’s very in character for college students, so what r u gonna do.

5. Love In The Wild - This is a hilaaaaarious Reality Show AU. Dean goes on a dating show and does challenges and meets the luv of his life, u kno? What more do you need. There is sex.

6. Through Basin And Range - Yeee buddy, Road Trip Fic!!!!! Dean and Cas are there but have broken up and it’s rough, and Sam is there also but he is sexting Kevin for some reason. Cas is spending the summer working on a thesis for his Geology Masters (master of rocks), and Sam n Dean tag along. This story really is lovey. It’s only on LJ though, so. :/

7. Unintended - Lawyer Cas bids for Fire Fighter Dean in a date auction and honestly. The sex in this is so good, like I lost this fic for three years but still remembered The Scene (You’ll know the one, that shit is hardly ever seen outside of PWP). This fic is so slept on. You need to read it. I think they live in Washinton or something. Maybe NYC. I forget, I’m busy thinking about The Scene.

8. Your Heart Makes - Ok so there are Three Disney Land AUs in this fandom that I know of. One of them is garbage, one of them is pretty good, and the last is incredible and it’s ur lucky day because the incredible one is this one. Castiel suffers from pretty bad depression, and is just trying to get through life, day by day. Insert Dean w/ a heart condition. There’s love, there’s slow build, there’s disney ride hand jobs. It’s a good time.

9. Any Little Heartbreak - I just reread this one recently! Heart Surgeon Dean! Surgery Nurse Cas! Enemies to FWB to Lovers! It’s like Scrubs meets... some sort of medical drama. Whatever, it’s a trip, and Meg is so fun.

10. Bearing Point - This fic is lovely and fun and it’s construction Dean + restoration expert Cas. I have beef with this fic, in that the author made Dean gay, instead of bi or pan and for me, a huge bisexual with strong emotional ties to Dean’s bisexuality, it kind of grated on me a bit and ruined the immersion. But, if you’re not a big baby like me, this fic is lovely and wonderful and they literally build homes together and also get nasty.

11. For All You Young Hockey Players Out There, Pay Attention - SPORTS AU. I don’t like sports but SPORTS AU. Dean is a hockey person. Something something NHL. Dean plays the sports with his brother. They get a new player from russia, but Dean is >:( bc they traded out his bff so Cas is The Enemy. Enemies to grudging friends to lovers. Coming out. Homophobic confusion. This fic is wonderful and lovely and sports. If you love destiel and you love Check Please, then this is the AU for U.

12.  Fourth Time’s the Charm - Ooooooooh, age gap fic. Cas is a comic book artist, Dean is a fan who goes to conventions. He’s also a virgin. :) Here is a direct quote from the summary: ‘Dean shyly fumbles his way through his first real relationship.’ Literally what more do you need? Literally?

13. If At First You Don’t Succeed (Destroy All Evidence That You Ever Tried) - lmao this fic is ridiculous. Inspired by the HIMYM episode, the three days rule, Dean replaces his number in Castiel’s phone to test he’s not being too eager when he meets girls. sexting ensues and Dean is !!!!! Gay Panicked. I love it, read it now, it’s sexy.

14.  Prosopagnosia -  This one is Teen and Up, I know, I am shocked that I’ve included it too. But it’s such a sweet story. Castiel works in a Gas n’ Sip and he has a cognitive disorder that means he’s face blind. He can’t recognize anyone, which makes his blossoming relationship with Dean a bit complicated. But they work around it. The Impala plays an important role.

15. Run Boy Run - FAM OK FAM PLS. Blind! Dean wants to compete in the Boston Marathon, but he needs a guide people to help him navigate obstacles and the other contestants. Castiel’s brother signs him up and he’s reluctant, but then he meets Dean and uhhhhhhh it all works out. It’s so sweet. Read it. Teen and Up again??? I’m srry, but it’s really good.

16. Yellow - Here’s another I haven’t read yet, but. It’s Elizabeth1985 and also it’s Cas in Witness protection and the excerpt I read places it firmly on my favourites list. Ex-mobster Cas, They are bartenders, there is falling in love, there is also fucking yeaaaa buddy, back on the sexy bandwagon.

17. Rough Seas - Dean is a Lieutenant Commander who moves home with a toddler and he’s involved with the Coast Guard, and he used to know Cas but there was gay panic and so things are tense and angsty and wonderful and this fic is amazing. SLOW BUILD. LOVERS TO ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS. Literally the best. There is a sequel which is almost as long. This fic is so lovely.

18. Asunder - This fic my guys, this fic. Please send help. Social Worker Dean. Recovering Heroin addicts Sam and Ruby who are getting married. They go to Bobby’s for the wedding. I forget how Cas fits in but he’s there and it’s lovely and so well written and wonderful and honestly? A Classic. If you read anything from this list, read this fic.

19. Satin and Sawdust - Lmao u guys u know me. Dean in panties love story. It’s on my Top 8. There’s capentry, there’s gay panic Cas, there’s satin and lace and soft cotton and also Dean has two cats. Read this right now.

20. Living In Agony - THIS FIC MY GUYS. I had three people read it from my Top 8 and they all died and met me in heaven bc i also died when I read it bc it is so. Lovely. Angst, mental illness, teachers Cas and Dean, Gabriel and Charlie are there also, Jess is a delight, Sam is in love with green smoothies, the sex is ridiculous (there is one line that helped shape me as a person and you will know which it is and you can blame this fic for all of the absolute filth that comes out of my brain. Read this right now.

21. Inevitable Homoeroticism in Spanish Romantic Heroes - :) Okay so Dean is a Grad student and Cas is a professor and it’s academic and sexy and not really a college au and I read it like four years ago and I still think about it. I suggest it very highly!!!

22. Get Some - Dean is in college and needs a place to live. He goes to live with Castiel, at the stoner house. Gay Panic happens and there are drugs and loads of casual sex and it’s honestly a good time. A bit angsty but mostly thumbs up muy bueno.

23.  That Summer - Short and sweet, lost love, this fic is so lovely and wonderful. It does feature an age gap with underage Dean so, if that’s not your bag... He is 17 at the time. Farmer Cas! Love and exploring sexuality!

24. Rvr Ro11435 - Destiel works at Nasa!!! Neither are astronauts but they are smart cookies who help send people to space. It’s tagged as an office romance. It’s cute.

25. The Way to a Man’s Heart is Through Chlamydia - One night stand. Dean gets an STD. Has to find his boo and tell ‘em about the STD. There’s fun sex and love and one of them is a baker and the love is so sweet and I love this fic. And I’m psure Cas gets a cat.

26.  Say a Prayer and Light a Candle - College AU where Cas struggles with dating agnostic Dean bc he is very Jewish, and it’s important to him and his family. This fic is special, and really culturally rich. I love it. Little bit of Angst, mostly love and sweetness.

27. Painted Angels - Fuck u this one is hurt of my heart. The Angst is Unreal. Dean is an artist. Or, he was an Artist. Lost Love, which gets found again. Cas returning to town a decade later. All the good shit.

28. Small Town Charmer - SMALL TOWNS! DEAN AND CAS! THEY RUN BUSINESSES AND FALL IN LOVE! Errrrrrr OTHER STUFF HAPPENS! This fic is lovely and great and if you don’t read it then u a dum dum.

29. Summer Holds a Song (We Might Sing Forever) - :) Age difference. Body worship. Dean Winchester described as a Greek God. The fucking is so hot. The love is so sweet. It’s short, but you gotta read this.

30. The Great Escapist - This fic is so sweet. College roommates Dean and Cas spend the summer together and fall in love. I don’t remember if there is Gay panic but like... I’m pretty sure.

Okay! 30 seems like enough. Maybe in the future I will do a part five. We’ll see. :)

____

Top 8 Personal Favs

[thomasvanboening]

Reader Beware (Full Story)

By Thomas Van Boening

  Gamma Psi Sigma had been the last place left to pledge, I thought as the frat boy tied the blindfold.  It was clear to me that getting into a fraternity without some athletic ability was going to take some doing.  The campus had an unofficial religion and athletes and coaches were living gods around here.

“Alright, dumbass.”

One of future hazers addressed me, yanking the collar of my shirt forward.

“What’s your name and why should we let your scrawny ass into our elite society?”

I felt his breath.  It reeked of pizza and halitosis.  He was definitely a football player considering he pulled me upward for half a second.  “My name is Jack Fields.  I am studying to be an artist and I could contribute to make Gamma Psi Sigma the most bad ass house on fraternity row.”

“We don’t usually take faggots.”  Another frat boy said. 

Just hearing the word made me cringe.  Always hated what I called ‘the other f-word.’  Keep cool.  This is just the usual hazing initiation, I thought.  I felt bad for Kevin the most at the moment.  I knew somewhere in the blind darkness of this ritual he heard the same thing and his bisexual nature was likely very pissed.

“I can ensure you that this house can win the homecoming parade, have rad posters for events, and I can help all in the house with their required art classes that you find to be bullshit!”

I then felt the sting of a wooden paddle hitting my ass.  I winced but didn’t yelp.

“Shut up, Fields.”  The first frat boy said.  “Art classes are the cakewalk of college.  You are taking the weak way out with the arts, while we will be the elite and strong mother fuckers that you will be working for as long as your weak dumb ass will live!”

I couldn’t believe I was putting myself through this stereotypical malarkey.  Yes being in a fraternity would solve a few problems and would finally get dad off my back.  It just sucked that this was my last option since no other fraternity let Kevin and I in during rush week. 

“We’ll come back to you, queer-bait”.  It was so hard to differentiate who was talking to me with the blind fold on.  The guy who just spoke had a knack for dropping homophobic slurs like old southern trash drop n-bombs.

“And what about you, fat fuck?”  The frat boy said.  “Who are you and what could a sack of shit lard ball like you do for the best house on campus?”

Keven was standing next to me last I saw, but now I could only guess the fat fuck he was addressing was my best friend from high school.

“I-I-I…”  He stammered.  It was still Keven next to me on my right.  “I am Kevin Gries –“

“Grease?”  The frat boy cut him off.  “Grease is right.  You’re so fat, your skin is practically glistening with grease.  You little pig.”

“I am Kevin Gries and I and am in the Engineering program.  I could use my knowledge of engineering and physics to aid your ball players and other athletes.”

“Physics don’t make better players, practice makes better players.”

‘Doesn’t’ make better players, I thought.  They could do well with an English major in the house too.

“You think just because you’re smart, you can be in here?”

“We both could keep the house GPA high.” I said boldly.

There was no retort outside of another smack to my butt.

After we heard more of the same for about a dozen of us, we were escorted into cars from Gamma Psi Sigma house.  I imagined this was another part of the initiation, so I thought I made it through the first round of this machismo rite of passage.

I knew Kevin was in the back seat with me.  His breathing was always heavy, whether he was calm or nervous.  “We’re gonna get through this.” I whispered.

After about 15 minutes, it could have more it could have been less, I felt the car stop and the engine shut off.

“Alright fuck-tards.” The frat boy said.  “Time for your baptism.”

The door opened beside me and I felt a strong hand grab my shoulder and pull me out.  I heard the sound of leaves crunching and felt the occasional stick break beneath my shoes.  I could only guess I was in a wooded area outside of town.  The air was cooler, and it felt like it rained recently.

After walking I was forced to stop by my escort, whoever he was.  I could hear running water nearby, like a creak or stream.

“We have come to the last part of the initiation, you little pricks.”  A frat boy said.  I actually recognized the voice.  It was Richard Malcom, the president of Gamma Psi Sigma.  “You will take your baptismal and should you pass, you shall be welcomed.  We are looking for 12 pledges, and I see 20 of you sacks of shit before me.”

I heard the scuffling sound of another pledge getting dragged.  The darkness was becoming almost unbearable as I just wanted to know what the hell they planned on doing in this baptismal of ours.

“Strip.” I would hear Richard say. 

There was a moment where I heard the recruit rustle out of his clothes.  It was at this time I smelled something awful.  It smelled like we were downwind from some farm because it smelled like the shit of some animal.  Cow or pig shit maybe.

“Grab him.” 

I heard a slight struggle, but it sounded like the recruit was thrown into the water.  I then heard a shriek from the kid.  “Holy fuck, it’s cold.”

“Welcome to our brotherhood.”  Richard said.  “You are a Gamma Psi Sigma member now.”

The process was repeated a few more times.  After more people complained of how cold the water was, a few kids were dismissed as failures.

Then it was my turn.  I felt to guys grab my arms and lead me forward. 

“This shit is taking too long men, let’s start doing this two at a time.” Richard said. 

“Alright.” The homophobic frat boy said.  “Let’s get the next two, and the new deal with the two faggots and then we can go home and get laid.”

I heard two of the guys ahead of us get their initiation, and it sounded like both of them were welcomed into the fraternity. 

I had kept count.  They said they were looking for 12 recruits, and they had dismissed eight of us and accepted ten.  That meant that all Kevin and I  had to do was take a cold dip in the water.

Then I felt the arms grab me again.

“Strip.”  Richard said. 

I took off my clothes.  The night air was very cold against my skin.  Even though I was blindfolded, I made it my business to hide my shame.

“Alright.  Grab them.”  Richard said.  “The final initiation of the night.”

I noticed the stench again as I was walking.  Something doesn’t feel right, I thought. 

“Oh by the way.” I heard Richard say as I was hoisted up and made parallel with the ground.

I heard him say nothing else.  Just felt my body fall as they dropped me into the water.

I gasped right before I was submerged.  I was under something alright, but it wasn’t as nearly cold as I thought it would be.  And it was thick.  It was the shit I smelled earlier.  They dropped me, and I presumed Kevin, into a vat of shit.

I stood up and screamed and the thought of anything getting in my mouth or up my nose made me puke.

“We only needed ten recruits this year.  Sorry to break it to you sacks of shit.”  Richard said.

I took off my blindfold and it was I saw all of the flashlights pointing at my body covered with varying shades of brown shit.  The laughter made my embarrassment intensify. 

I then saw Kevin struggle to get up.  I immediately tried to help him up.  He was so slick with feces and god knows what else that he slipped from my grip and I lost my bearings.  It wasn’t shallow by any means, it was essentially a normal swimming pool filled half way up. I then slipped on top of Keven as I tried to move.

“Oh look, the two gay-wads couldn’t wait to go at it!” The homophobic frat boy shouted to roaring laughter.  I finally recognized him as Roy Frost, the halfwit baseball player that carries the team.  An urge to shove a Louisville slugger up his ass came across my mind.

“Fudge for the fudge-packers.  It fits perfectly.” Some unseen new initiated kid added. 

I wanted it just to end.  More than anything I just yearned to turn back time and tell myself to just take more loans and pay them back after college.  More debt would be infinitely better than being doused in crap from head to toe.

 The worst part was I could see half of them getting cell phones out, undoubtedly to take photos.  It wasn’t enough to haze us, it wasn’t enough to reject us, and it wasn’t enough to embarrass us in the worst way possible.  No, they had to ensure that our lowest moment of me and Kevin’s lives was preserved, likely on the internet already, curated forever for anyone to see.

“Let’s go boys.  We got a long weekend ahead of us.”  Richard said.  “But before we go I have a parting gift for no hard feelings.” 

I saw a fire extinguisher being pointed at both of us.  I braced myself.

“Get lost, you shitheads!”  Richard shouted.  “Gamma house has no place for the weak.”

The fire extinguisher was the coldest thing I ever felt.  I couldn’t do anything but shudder and shout.  They all left us.  I saw that there was a creek glistening in the moonlight.  “Come on.  Let’s get rinsed off.”

“It’s freezing cold.”  Kevin said. 

“I know.  But we’re going to get some foul disease or something.”  I said.  “The sooner we wash off, the sooner we can get back to the campus.”

The creek was only waste deep, but it was enough water to get started.  It came off quicker than I thought.  But I felt globs and dollops of feces rinsing away.  When I was halfway done, Kevin finally worked up enough gumption to get in.

“I hope there aren’t any leeches, like in Stand by Me.”   He said.

“Not a good time to mention that.”  I said.  I wanted to laugh, but I remembered a young Wil Wheaton and the exact scene he was referring to when a leech saw fit to start sucking on his privates. 

“Can you get my back?”  Kevin asked.

“Yeah I can.”  I said.

The best was getting my face cleansed.  I no longer smelled like a pool of shit.  Thankfully it was just a vague stink of shit, like I worked on a farm for a long day.

“We’ll shower off the rest when we get back..”  I said.

“They took our clothes.”  Kevin said.  I could tell he was on the verge of crying.  I had to admit, I was close to blubbering myself.  I’d heard of extreme cases of hazing, and I could only blame myself for trying to pledge to the archaic fraternity system.

We walked through the woods.  I stepped on several acorns and sticks, and I knew Kevin didn’t fare any better.  Each one hurt a lot.  After about a half hour of stumbling into trees and freaking out with the sound of nocturnal wildlife, we finally found our way to the road by listening to the occasional sound of a car or truck running by on the highway.

“Which way should we go?”  Kevin asked.

I looked to the sky.  It was partly cloudy with the full moon, but I managed to find Polaris really quick.  I knew where north was, but I had no idea if the assholes from Gamma Psi Sigma took us to the woods north or south of town.  I saw two faint glows on the horizon in either direction.  The fainter one to the southeast was more likely to be the small college town.

“We’ll go south.” I said.

Neither of us said anything while walking on the rough pavement.  Kevin was only muttering two words under his breath, thinking that I couldn’t hear him.

“Never again.”  He would repeat occasionally. 

About two hours of walking we saw the outskirts of town.  My guess was right, thankfully.  It would have been very awkward to get a cab from the other town.  My cell phone was in my stolen clothes too, so I couldn’t even call an Uber.  It was just as well.  I would have felt bad to sit in someone’s car and get cow-shit all over.

For about three hours we walked on the wet road.  Any time we heard a car coming, we would stop and squat in the ditch to make sure we were never seen in the bare, or worse by the Gamma Phi Sigma assholes if they returned for more kicks. 

We saw the clock in town square that it was 4:03 a.m.  I was beyond cold.  Even in the dim orange street lights, we both looked pale.

We made it back to our dorm.  We pressed every button until one of the other students buzzed us in.  Thank Christ that Kevin left a key to our room behind his Star Wars poster on the door.  For once I felt the force was with us that tonight.

I looked into my mirror and I looked terrible.  Pale white skin covered with the occasional blemish of dirt and dry crud. How we weren’t seen was the only real miracle.   I took a hot shower and under the noise of the running water I finally broke down and cried.  I felt no shame being an 18 year old man being driven to tears.

I thought about everything that happened over the last few hours.  I don’t know what I expected.  Fraternities are notorious for being a magnet for douchebags and hazing incidents only get worse and worse each year.  But this prank, this baptism of shit was the most unforgiveable thing I’ve ever heard of happening to anyone.

Do I report this prank?  I thought.  Of course I do.  This was disgusting and morally reprehensible.

I didn’t sleep well at all, although Kevin slept like a snoring log.  He did talk in his sleep.  The same two words: Never again.  I was surprised he could sleep at all.  We probably walked about ten miles of walking, more than we had walked any day of our lives.

I thought to get breakfast at the college cafeteria, but I just got a Pop Tart out from under my bed where I hoarded food in a tote.  I didn’t want to see anyone from Gamma Psi Sigma, or any other fraternity for that matter.

The rest of Saturday I spent my time in the dorm until supper time.  I could eat my junk food and snacks, so I went to the cafeteria.  I tried to convince Kevin, but I gave up after one attempt. 

While walking through the campus, I could hear other students giggling and talking softly whenever I went by.  Did they know?  Had they seen the pics taken?  Did word get around about him and Kevin being submerged in shit?

I got my supper and sat at an empty table.  The overcooked and bland chicken with corn giblets and Mountain Dew was delicious enough, but I couldn’t get over the thought of what my hands were coated in only the day before.  I felt like showering again and again.

“Hey shit-for-brains!” said Roy Frost.  “Looks like you turned up… or should I say “turd up?”” 

“Leave me alone.” I said.

“I get it.”  He said.  “I’m not your type.  You and your fudge-packing butt-buddy are a cute couple anyway.”

I wouldn’t suffer him anymore.  I got up with my half eaten food and took my tray to the dish washing conveyor belt. 

I then went straight to campus security after getting Kevin.  We got to the office, only to see a tall fat slob picking his nose.  We reported our situation and all he could do was give us a form to fill out.

“Your frat house and sorority shenanigans get weirder and weirder every year.”  The security guard said.  “I will report this and we’ll talk with Gamma house about it.”

“That’s it?”  Kevin said.  “That’s all you can do?”

“From what you say happened, it sounds like it happened off campus.  If it happened off campus, there really isn’t anything I can do.  These fraternities do a lot of crap off campus or outside their houses so they all get the alibi of not hazing on campus, because our College has a no-hazing policy… on campus.  You want to follow through, be my guest and go to the city police.”

“We will.” I said.  “And we’ll be glad to let everyone know that we got the run around with you especially after what they did with us.”

“Not on campus, not my problem that you stupid kids feel like acting like savages.” The security guard said.

“Sorry we took time away from your nose picking.” Kevin said as he stormed off.

We did follow up with the town authorities.  They asked us for proof of this.  We couldn’t produce the location of where the hazing took place, and we both had done an amazing job cleaning up and not getting caught naked on our cold voyage back home.  This felt like the whole town was against us and was acting like hazing was just something that people do and there is no reproach to be had for the college.

After a few days of trying to find a sympathetic soul and coming up with nothing, I gave up in sheer frustration. 

“Never again.” Keven said. 

I got so tired of hearing him saying that.  I knew what he was thinking; retribution and revenge.  I knew he wasn’t going to go the same path as Seung-Hui Cho or Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.  Kevin has a good soul, I thought.  But how much pushing does it take to manifest revenge from fantasy to reality?

By the end of September I was still plenty pissed, but I was trying to leave it alone and not make waves.  Kevin wouldn’t stop dwelling on it and not leave it alone.

“Look, I know what they did was terrible,” I said.  “And yes I wish the town wouldn’t turn a blind eye to the obvious hazing that has happened, not just to us, but to countless students that have come and gone.  I just want to put my time into this place, get out, and not get into any more trouble here.”

“Being in the middle of the road is the most dangerous part to walk.”  Kevin said.

I hated to think about it, but he was right.  We did have to do something, but what?

September turned to October and midterms were coming up.  I was doing fair in my art and design classes, but Kevin was doing poorly.  I warned him that he needed to worry more about getting put on academic probation or worse getting kicked out of college for poor grades.

I helped him study for the midterm exams and he helped me in return with art projects.  He did fair on his exams, while I did awesome.

One afternoon during midterm break Kevin had looked better than he had since the hazing.  “You have to check this out!”

I had to humor my best friend.  So I went with him.  He took me to the library and we went into the stacks in the basement and showed me an odd book.  We sat at a small table at the end of the row of stacks.

The book was like something out of a cheesy British horror movie starring Christopher Lee or Peter Cushing.  It was bound in black leather and had yellowed pages and looked like it was ready to be put in the Smithsonian. 

“So what is it?”  I asked.

“It’s a book on the old Occult and a history of covens in early colonial America.” Kevin said.  “I am doing a research paper in English Composition, and I picked to do a project on the Occult.”

“Okay, so it’s an old dusty book.” I said.  “So what does this mean?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”  He said.  “Just look at this page here.”

“Reader beware.” I read from the book.

“Not that.” Kevin pointed.  “This here!  This, this, is our ticket to revenge.”

I saw an illustration for some archaic symbol and a cartoony reptile coming from it.  It looked like my older brothers dungeons and dragons books.

I knew he was waiting for me to actually read the passage.

“Here you will find the rite of incantation for the beasts.” I read.   “The parallel realms of the abyss and the ethereal are obtainable through proper use of this spell.  For protection, call upon the ethereal, and for ultimate revenge, call upon the abyss.”

“So how does the idea of Gamma Psi Sigma finally getting theirs sound to you?” Kevin asked with a huge grin.

“This sounds like you are reading a crock of shit, Kevin.” I laughed nervously.

I then heard a rustling sound under the table.

It came from Kevin’s backpack.  I dragged the bag and hoisted up on top of the table.  It rustled again.

“You want to see something to believe something?”  Kevin said.  “I can provide your answer with proof.” 

I braced myself to what I was going to see as Kevin unzipped the top of his backpack.  He then reached in as I heard the growling of something small.

“I read ahead and I summoned a beast of the abyss.”  Kevin said.  “Check this out!”

He pulled out of his bag a pink animal of some kind.  I looked at it and it was some kind of lizard or reptile.  It looked like a chameleon, but there was a set of horns on its head, large eyes like a lemur, and a long thin tail like an opossum. 

I placed a hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.  “Holy fuck, what is that thing?”

“No clue.”  Kevin said.  “It doesn’t seem to mind me so much.  It is probably grateful to be in our material realm again.”

I reached out to touch it as Kevin held it.  I just about regretted that when the little creature did a quick snarl and tried to bite my hand.

“Hmm.”  Kevin said.  “It doesn’t seem to like you so much.  Let me try something.”

He placed a hand on the head of the monster for a moment.  It looked like he was trying some kind of Vulcan mind meld, or something. 

I didn’t like this at all.  A whole minute earlier, monsters were just something out of ghost stories, horror movies, or comic books.  But here it was, looking right at me in the face, and I still couldn’t believe that a monster in the flesh was in front of me.

“Try again.” Kevin said.  “This little guy only knew me as its master, and now I told it that we are both its master.”

I hesitated, but I put my hand out the same way I would expect a dog to sniff.  It then crawled onto my hand.  I just about freaked, but I kept calm as it crawled on my arm.  It had a very strong grip.  Then somehow I could sense something, as if the creature’s mind and my mind were on the same frequency.

You were wronged by someone, as well.  Some voice said.  It was like an inner monologue, but it wasn’t my voice in my head, it was someone else.  The balance of your life is off because someone wronged you for infantile means.  Beings of the abyss are all about balance, and only wish to help our gracious hosts of the physical realm.

Somehow I understood completely.  This was the exact means we needed to get back at the Gamma house assholes.

“Will you help us?”  I asked the little pink creature.

It is why we exist. It said.  We serve our summoning masters.

“What does this mean, this passage ‘Reader Beware’?” I asked.

Pay it no mind.  It said.  Merely just a safety measure so others do not abuse this power.

It crawled off my arm and his voice in my head was gone.

I understood how Kevin was excited for the first time in a while.  I relished the idea of getting back at every single bastard that wronged us, consequences be damned.  If no one was going to right the wrongs for us, I felt justified, as Kevin did, to seek out a force that would right the wrongdoing on our behalf.

Halloween night had come.  What better night was there to summon demons from the abyss?  We decided to summon more creatures from the abyss.  The more the better, I thought.  And what was Gamma Psi Sigma going to do?  Call about demons attacking them on Halloween?  The police know a crank call when they hear one.  It was foolproof.  It was perfect.

Kevin got the book and read the words for the rite of incantation. 

“To the abyss I call for those that will answer and serve.  I, Kevin Gries, exchange my soul for your entrance.  Hear my plea, oh demons of darkness and come and bring balance to the physical world.” 

“Did you just sell your soul?”  I asked.

“No, that would be stupid.”  Kevin said.  “I just exchanged it as currency of passage.  Once they are gone, they will return my soul to me.”

I didn’t like that at all.  But before I could object, a semitransparent ring of orange light appeared in our dorm room and from there I could only see infinite blackness.  I then saw something small fly through.  Then it landed on Kevin’s shoulder, a green lizard similar to the pink one from before, but this one had wings like bats and a longer tail with spikes like a stegosaurus.

 I then saw several other monsters reach out and crawl out.  They were violet and gold.  The demons all had a similar reptilian look to them, but the latter two looked like shelled versions of the pink monster.  They had a lot more defined muscles and longer legs, but their heads were the same horned chameleon with lemur eyes.

The gold and violet demons crawled toward me and I welcomed them.  Their grip was very strong as well.  A little more strength than the pink one.

The pleasure is mine, friend of Kevin.  Whose soul shall we eat today?

I was careful of my thoughts.  I didn’t want the demons knowing how I felt.  Yes I wanted revenge, but this new revelation of taking souls to eat was a little shocking.  I hoped for physical revenge of some sort.

“The ones who wronged us are the men of the house Gamma Psi Sigma.” I said honestly.  “I only want due retribution.”

We are fully aware of your unfortunate circumstance, Jack Fields.  The Gold One said.  People who go about hurting others just for the sake of hurting others are our specialty.  Leave this house of evil men to us.

I felt reassured whenever the demons had physical contact with me.  It was almost a euphoric sensation of calm and I felt sure that eating the frat boys souls was the correct course of action.

“Shall we take them to the Gamma house?” I asked.

“Yes.  Let’s do.”  Kevin smiled.

Kevin instructed all four small demons into his backpack and he carried them on his back.  We left the dorm and walked through town and took in the beautiful scenery of Halloween.  All of the jack-o-lanterns, decorations of spooky ghosts, and cartoony monsters like Frankenstein, Dracula, Freddy Krueger, and Jason Voorhees everywhere you looked.

“Let them out of the backpack, Kevin.”  I said.  “They’re gonna fit right in on a night like this.”

Kevin smiled in agreement.  He then unzipped the backpack and let each monster out.  The creatures were delighted to see the sights not normally seen in the darkness of the abyss.

They walked to the Gamma house and then sat on the bench next to the bus stop on the sidewalk across the street.

“Have fun.”  Kevin said.

I wished we could have seen them do their dirty work as I saw each monster slip into different windows.  But hearing the screams and seeing the occasional frat boy run from the house was pretty nice. 

About an hour later, Kevin and I hand our fill laughing and grinning at the demons torment and scare the frat boys.  Even Richard and Roy were getting freaked out.

Then we got a shock.  We heard a gunshot.  Then a squealing screech.  We looked to each other and didn’t hesitate to run into the Gamma house.  One of the monsters got shot and it was our fault because it was on our behalf.  We ran in the open front door and saw Richard with a shotgun as he stood over a bloody and fleshy mess.  It was the pink monster, the first we met.

“What did you do?” Kevin shouted.

“What the fuck are you two doing here?  And what do you mean what did I do?  I killed a fucking monster.”  He said with pride.

I had a very mixed feeling.  The man who embarrassed us with a shit bath, and likely circulated our naked bodies on the internet had killed our only chance at revenge.

The green demon flew into the room and looked at Richard.  It then somehow tackled Richard with its small body and then wrapped its spiky tail around Richard’s neck.  I took the liberty to take the shotgun away from his reach.

“Help!” He choked the words out.  “Help me!”

“Get lost, you shithead.” Kevin said.

I watched Richard’s eyes dilate and glaze over, and his face go from beat read to dark blue.  I sorta wanted to help him, but revenge didn’t allow me to move forward on that line of thought.  I then saw Richard stop twitching and then the green demon released his neck from its snare.

Kevin went to pick up the green demon.  It then snapped and bit his arm.  He screamed louder than I had ever heard him at any point before.  He then grabbed and threw the monster to the floor as hard as he could.

“Ow!  What the actual fuck was that for?” Kevin said.

Our brother is dead.  It said.  No amount of souls will bring him back.  This is beyond unacceptable.

“It wasn’t our fault though.” I said.

Perhaps not, but that doesn’t change what has happened.  I feel no obligation to serve you whatsoever now.

“I summoned you to in exchange for my soul.”  Kevin said.

Consider it payment for the loss of my brother.  It said.  Reader Beware, should we feel our contractual obligation is null and void, payment is due to us and our allegiance to our summoned master is over.

The green monster then flew out of Gamma Psi Sigma house and then flew down the street.

“What do we do?” I asked.

“Well Jack, I don’t think they are going back to the abyss without a fight now.” Kevin said.

“Are you saying we kill them?”  I said.  “They got revenge for us.”

“Yeah,” Keven started.  “And look exactly what that got us.  It didn’t undo the past, and it doesn’t feel great to see the rat bastard dead, and now we have demons summoned.”

“Summoning demons was your idea!” I said.

“I know.  I was desperate for revenge when there was no one else to come and assist us.  So I summoned revenge incarnate and now I have to make sure that no one else ever again gets hurt from my actions.”

“Well,” I said as I pumped Richard’s shotgun.  “We know for a fact that they are no harder to kill than any other animal.  They bleed just like we do.”

He nodded in agreement.  We heard more screams coming from down the street.  Kevin and I left Gamma house and tried to find the source. 

I heard a woman screaming.  I knew it wasn’t some Halloween gimmick scream from some local funhouse for trick-or-treaters.  It was certainly one of the monsters handiwork. 

I saw the golden demon straddling a woman.  I could see it trying to take her soul through her mouth.  It was trying to eat it.

I didn’t hesitate to kick the son of a bitch off of her.  It rolled half way across someone’s yard before landing on its back.  It had trouble moving on its back like a stuck tortoise. 

I moved quick and put my foot on its neck to hold it down.  Before I could shoot it in the belly It grabbed my leg.

No need to do that. It said.  We just want what we lack from the abyss.  Eternity of damnation makes you very hungry.

“I understand.”  I said. 

Wait, what?  I thought.  I want to kill this thing.  What is it whenever they touch me I feel like I’m not myself?

The feeling was again euphoric, the mind melding feeling of understanding between the beast and I.

Bang.  I was ripped out of the trance and I saw Kevin with the shotgun over the dead monster, which was now a grotesque mess of mushy red and gold.

“Thanks.”  I said.  “They have some kind of unique power of mind control, I think.”

“I know.” Kevin said.  “How else do you think the little pink one convinced me to summon forth others?  I was eager to burn the book when I learned the monsters were real, but it somehow convinced me not to and just let them in.”

I heard more screaming.

“We have two more of these guys to get.”  I said.  “Come on!”

Kevin and I ran down the street of Sorority Row and we kept moving until we saw the violet monster biting some girl.  We then saw the green monster flying around, terrorizing costumed kids.

Kevin saw an opening and shot the violet demon when it wasn’t near any of the kids.  The shot blast only damaged the monster.  It’s shell must have been really tough.

“Shoot it in the belly.” I said.

Kevin and I wrestled the violet one and got it on its back.  Kevin took the shot before it could grab one of us.

Three down, I thought.  One left to go.

I saw the green flying demon flying toward town square after more people.

“Let’s end this.”  Kevin said.

“Do you know how many shots you have?” I said.

“No idea.  We killed two of them, and Richard killed one.  That’s at least three shots.” Kevin said.

“That’s a pump action shotgun, I bet it has room enough for 6 shells, maybe 8.”  I said.

“I aint got a clue, I just point and shoot like I do with Nintendo.” Kevin said.

“Right.”  I said.  “At any rate, act like you only have one shot left.” 

We walked side by side with the town square a block away from us at the end of Sorority Row.  The green demon was done with its latest victim.

“Hey!”  I shouted.  “You piece of shit.  You want another soul, deal with me and leave everyone out of this!”

The demon had a grin on its face and came flying at me.

“Whenever you’re ready.” I said.

Kevin aimed the shotgun.  “I got him.”

He pulled the trigger and the only thing I heard was a click.

“Seriously?” I said.

“Oh shit.” Kevin said.

The green demon flew and pounced on me.  It was unreal how strong these little things were.  I slugged it in the skull, but it grabbed my arm when I went for another strike.

Your soul is mine, child.  It said.

I felt like my body was getting lighter.  Little green had it’s claws on my shoulders and was inhaling my soul.  It was beyond euphoric.  It was like everything heaven was described to be.

I saw in super slow motion Kevin hold the shotgun by the barrel and swing it at the green monster, hitting it across the skull with the butt.  It was glorious.

As soon as its claws were taken from my shoulders, I felt the enraptured sense leave me. I then saw green demon attack Kevin.  It started whipped it’s tail at kevin’s neck, striking him in the jugular.  It pulled the spikes out, causing him to bleed profusely. 

I got the shotgun and got on the back of the green demon.  I put the barrel under it’s neck and began choking the little bastard.  I knew it was a tough son of a bitch, so I yanked and pulled against its neck harder than I ever yanked and pulled before. 

It started struggling, but my body weight was enough to keep it under me.  It whipped me with it’s tail on my thigh, so I brought my knee down on top of it.  I heard the demons bones in the neck cracking and I heard it gasping for air.

You’re mine, you son of a bitch, I thought.  You’re dead.

It finally stopped struggling after I heard the neck snap and felt the bones in the beasts throat give into the shotgun barrel.

I heard sirens blaring when I let it go.  If it wasn’t dead, it was hurt bad enough not to want to fight anymore.

I then saw Kevin holding onto his throat.  He had lost a lot of blood.

“Jesus Christ almighty, Kevin.”  I said as I took off my shirt to tie around his neck.  “When did we become so brave?”

He couldn’t talk.  He just coughed up blood.  I knew Kevin was a goner.

A police car pulled up.  A cop got out and ran toward me.  He looked like John Candy if he had mustache. 

“What in the Sam Hell is going on here?”  The officer said.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”  I said.  “My friend here was attacked by this thing.”

“I’ve been getting calls all night about monsters.  I first thought they were pranksters, but then I heard my daughter call about them.”

I wanted to tell him everything, but I just left it alone.

“Is he okay?”  The officer asked.

I looked back to Kevin and he was gone.  He died, and his soul was gone as well, forever in the abyss as payment for the demons passage.  And for what?  An empty revenge that feels unfulfilled.

“No.”  I said.  “He’s pretty fucking far from okay.”

For the next hour or two I saw ambulances show up, and pick people up and take them to the hospital.  I saw them put Kevin in a black body bag and close up the ambulance doors.  It was the realization that Kevin wasn’t going to be at my side anymore that hurt the most.

 About a dozen people were hurt, and only two were killed.  Roy and Richard, I wanted to be overjoyed for the news that the bastards behind our humiliation were dead and gone.  But the revenge didn’t take away the empty feeling I had, and the revenge didn’t undo all of the damage done to innocent people, and the revenge didn’t bring back Kevin.

The officer got done asking around for witnesses of the attack.  He then came over to me.

“Several people say you and your friend saved the town.”  The officer said.  “Those things were some kind of freak of nature or some demented science experiment.  With the other three blown to bits, it will be hard to tell what the hell they were, but the one you strangled will likely be photographed and put in magazines.”

I didn’t want recognition for killing something..  But I felt like I was going to get a lot of unwanted attention for this.

“You’re a real hero, kid.  You apart of any fraternity?”  The Officer asked.

“No, sir.”  I said.  “In fact, I think you prolly already heard of my friend and me.  We were the ones that got hazed real fucking nasty like.”

If I had been accepted like this in the first place, this whole thing would have never happened.  I thought.

I told the officer that I wanted to remain anonymous after I filled out my report.  I told the truth.  Every little bit of the unbelievable tale of finding a book and summoning monsters after hazing.

“You’re kidding me, right?” The officer said after reading my testimony.  “No one will believe this.  Everyone will see this green mother fucker right here, and still not believe the story you wrote here.”

“That’s why I want to remain anonymous.” I said.  “I thought I wanted acceptance from everyone, more than anything.  I just want to be left alone and want no reward, because what’s being loved and accepted by everyone if it was done through revenge.”

“I see.”  The officer said.  “I should make you an accessory to murder if you say you and your friend did “summon these monsters with black magic.” Like you said you did.”

Oh fuck me, I thought.  I was terrified at what was going to happen next.

“But frat boys have been getting a free pass at bullshit for years and years.  Much of the other officers are given a yearly “extra salary” from the college to keep hush-hush about this sort of thing.  Just call this a free pass for you for doing something right.”

He tore up my written statement.  “If that book you discovered is the real deal, you burn that thing to make sure this never happens again.  I can’t stop the blind eye to hazing, but you can put a stop to monsters from another world from ever coming back.”

The very next day I got the book and set it on fire, page by page.  “Reader beware”  I laughed when I saw the red lettering..  It should have said “Burn this book.”

I turned on the TV in my dorm room and listened to the media circus.  CNN had on its news story graphic banner in big bold letters reading “Strange new animal attack on Halloween.”  I listened in while the pictures of the strangled green demon were shown.  It had decayed a little since I killed it, but its dead lemur eyes on a chameleon face made everyone freak.

I wanted to punch the dumb son of a bitch commentator that said these are likely misidentified animals like the Plum Island creature that washed up on shore, or the creatures that were found after the 2006 tsunami.  It was more of the same on each major news network. 

What was this thing?  Is this a hoax?  Was this viral marketing for a movie?

I turned off the TV thinking that I did the right thing in the end.  It was the demons that deceived Kevin and I into using them as a means of revenge.  That whole thing of being our servants was likely all a ruse to get into our world all along.  And that strange power they had over our minds was their way we didn’t question them or their motives. 

I should have taken more heed of the “Reader Beware” passage.  Did Richard and Roy deserve something in return?  Absolutely, but death didn’t feel like the right means of vengeance or payback.  That thought kept repeating in my head again and again.

I got done burning the last few pages of the book and took a leak on the ashes in the waste barrel.  I then dumped the nasty ashes out the dorm window into the courtyard below.  It was late, and I knew no one was going to see it until morning.

Fuck it, I thought.  If I get caught for burning a book, it was the least of the problems I have.

This is the first draft of a story I wrote during National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) a few years back.  Because I never thought it really fit with what the markets were asking for, there is a likelihood that this short story could get polished and developed further.  I’m slightly curious about what else could be within the old book! 

That’s it.  Glad I could share it.  Thanks for reading.  If you enjoyed it, share with others! 

-Thomas