#hi im alive updates ig lol

[harrysgal]

I DIG YOUR CINEMA (5)

harry styles x yn aspiring filmmaker — social media AU

About the smau: yn starts posting videos on youtube and is trying to build a career as a filmmaker. Things are going pretty well for her and she starts getting more attention when she creates content about shows she goes to. She’s also a fan of Harry’s music and some of his fans start getting suspicious when his team starts interacting with her.

Disclaimer: The story it’s set in 2021 and it will follow their relationship through the LOT leg in the US. Since this is nothing but fiction, I will be following some of the real timeline but also adding my own stuff. On top of that, I won’t be basing myself on Harry’s actual posts.

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PART 4 — THE VIDEO // MASTERLIST

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I DIG YOUR CINEMA (PART 5) — FROM SAN ANTONIO TO DALLAS

liked by bestfriend, sisterinlaw, cuteguy and 63,157 others 

yourinstagram sightseeing tonight 😍 getting to know these cities only gets better and better guys 

view all 9,105 comments

harryfan7 was this before or after dinner with harry? 😏

↳ harryfan3 stoppp. my heart cant take it ↳ harryfan11 no bc the idea of them walking together and stopping to take pictures it’s just so 🤏

lookitsnyoh 🦭 pillowpersonpp 🦥 anthonypham 🧸

↳ harryfan not the teddy bear!!! 

harryfan117 MISS SARAH JONES IS HERE user8 whats with all the emojis guys!! let me innnnn  user1 YOU’RE BACK 🥰 bestfriend its not the city its all you baby bc you light up the world like nobody else

↳ harryfan that was just… ↳ harryfan5 HEJAHDH NO YOU DIDNR ↳ yourinstagram ….  ↳ yourinstagram i dont even know how to react  ↳ bestfriend wish i could say im sorry or embarrassed but im actually not 

cuteguy Looks amazing!

Sep 10, 2021 •

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liked by user1, user4 and 517 others

cuteguy congrats darling ＠yourinstagram 

view all 75 comments 

harryfan60 see?? she isn’t dating Harry

↳ harryfan58 I fucking knew it  ↳ harryfan62 hope this pr nonsense stops 

user14 little sus but alright ig  randomguy cool bro  user44 dude there’s no way she hasn’t cheated on you lol user3 you guys are so fucking disrespectful can you pls leave this man alone???

↳ user26 I mean he’s the one who decided to go public so… 🤷‍♀️ ↳ user3 his ig being public doesn’t automatically mean you’re supposed to be rude tho. 

user36 Am I the only one who finds this picture adorable?

↳ user38 me too!! i was looking for a nice comment about it lol thanks! ↳ user36 I mean they definitely look like a couple and idk it’s a cute pic :( ❤️ liked by author 

Sep 10, 2021 •

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liked by annetwist, bestfriend, cuteguy and 63,879 others 

yourinstagram update time: went out for a run and my lungs got on fire. view was great though. zero complaints. also the show last night was INCREDIBLE. 

view all 13,719 comments

bestfriend shut up you actually went for a run?? 

↳ harrystyles I wouldn’t call that going for a “run”.  ↳ bestfriend okay that actually makes more sense now ↳ yourinstagram excuse me????? 

harryfan OMFG harry interacting with yourbff??? 

↳ harryfan5 I KNOW! where are you ＠bestfriend are you still alive???  ↳ bestfriend no  ↳ bestfriend but im pretending to be cool about it so 🤫 ↳ harryfan OMFHAJDHPAHDJ ILY

cuteguy 😍 user7 yessss! two days in a row!!!! thank you!!! user1 looks so prettyyyyyy! hope you’re doing okay <33

↳ yourinstagram i am!! thank you love <333 

yourbrother Won’t believe you’ve moved your ass to be healthy until I see it.  

↳ yourinstagram the fact that you dont believe me wont change the fact that it happened :D

harryfan15 harry is such a stalker. interacting with her posts when he doesn’t even follow her lol harryfan25 Anne started following her!!!  user10 Not to rush you, but are we getting more videos anytime soon? I was so used to getting one every week… :( user25 So… She’s officially dating that cuteguy, isn’t she? 

↳ user17 What? Who said that?  ↳ user25 TMZ updated that article of her and Harry having dinner with this picture of them ↳ user17 Oh… Where can I see this picture? ↳ user25 She’s tagged on it. ＠cuteguy posted it  ↳ user13 i wouldn’t believe (or read) TMZ guys ↳ harryfan68 funny how you won’t believe TMZ when it’s about this guy but you’ll believe them when it’s about harry ↳ user13 lmao I’m not in that fandom so I couldn’t care less about her dating harry or not. 

harryfan13 SO WE ARE ALL GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT HARRY AND YN WENT OUT FOR A RUN TOGETHER?????

↳ harryfan60 Yes bc no one actually believes they did. Next. ↳ harryfan68 hahaha you ate this one 

Sep 10, 2021 •

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liked by harryfan, harryfan2, harryfan3 and 4,375 others 

harryupdates A fan met Harry in San Antonio today! 

According to the fan, Harry said he was on a tight schedule so couldn’t stay for a chat, but agreed to take a quick picture and thanked her for going to the show. 

view all 675 comments

fanwhometharry “Thank you so much I hope you enjoyed it”, those were his words exactly :’)

↳ harryfan27 OMG IT WAS YOU?? YOU’RE SO LUCKY ↳ fanwhometharry I know!! Thank you!!! ↳ harryfan24 was he alone??  ↳ fanwhometharry No, he was walking with his personal trainer and Yn ↳ harryfan52 his personal trainer also has a name btw and it’s Brad  ↳ fanwhometharry Sorry, I don’t keep up with his personal trainer 🤷 I only know Yn bc I watch her youtube videos ↳ harryfan9 don’t apologize they’re always finding something to complain about lol happy for you!!

harryfan72 How convenient… He always agrees to take pictures when Yn is around 🙄 

↳ harryfan68 right??? almost as if he WANTS people to spread the word… 

harryfan13 I KNEW I WAS RIGHT AND THEY WERE TOGETHER

Sep 10, 2021 •

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liked by annetwist, bestfriend, cuteguy and 61,574 others 

yourinstagram DALLAS! you are sooooo so pretty <3 we arrived yesterday and im already in love. it was a sunny afternoon so i went out for a walk, and as i was on my way to buy some flowers to myself (bc i wanted some so i got some) i had one of those surreal moments thinking about how lucky i am to be where i am right now. im always waiting for this feeling to eventually go away so i can come back to my “old life” and my “old self”, but now im kinda considering that as time goes by and i get to know more and more places, it will actually only grow bigger and bigger, right? :’) 

(in that case, feel free to unfollow me now bc the annoyance will only grow bigger and bigger as well — consider yourself warned.)

view all 14,102 comments

sisterinlaw The summer vibes are gorgeous! harryfan42 WAS HARRY WITH YOU????  user1 another post??? feels like going back to the old times im so happy!!! harryfan64 this girl won’t even post her face and she got like 4k new followers in one day 

↳ harrystyles82 It’s the Harry Styles effect  ↳ harryfan64 glad im not the only one who sees it 🤡

harryfan YN? DID YOU ACTUALLY JUST SAY I WANTED SOME SO I GOT SOME??? 

↳ harryfan5 i saw that too i was like… okay 😂 ↳ harryfan9 hahaha I hope she actually did get some tbh  ↳ harryfan13 ME TOO!! ↳ bestfriend yes. she 100% did ↳ harryfan9 😲 ↳ harryfan lmaoshuahsjbjh  ↳ harryfan17 wait ＠bestfriend she 100% say “i wanted some so i got some” or she 100% got some?  ↳ harryfan23 oh god i cant believe this is a real conversation you guys are having HAHAHA

user17 please keep feeding us with your random cute posts!! <3 i love them!! bestfriend fgs ＠yourinstagram have some manners  bestfriend i thought you didnt like exposing yourself like this  bestfriend also… your mom is on instagram so…  bestfriend PLEASE 

↳ yourinstagram omfg shut upppp ahusdhjahj ↳ yourinstagram stop encouraging the nonsense behavior??? ↳ yourinstagram you KNOW i meant the flowers ↳ yourinstagram i wanted some FLOWERS so i got some FLOWERS ↳ bestfriend yeah i know 💐 ↳ bestfriend sorry its just too funny sometimes 💋

loveynrry did anyone else notice yn hasn’t liked THAT picture yet? 👀

↳ user4 which one? ↳ loveynrry the one @/cuteguy posted ↳ user4 ohhhhhh 👀 ↳ user4 also did you notice yourbff doesn’t follow him ↳ user9 shit ＠user4 i hadn’t noticed that  ↳ loveynrry i did, yeah… thats why im sus about him ↳ user4 I mean, I trust yourbff judgement soooooo…… 

Sep 11, 2021  •

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PART 6: soon!

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[hwaslayer]

favorite things | pmylm drabble (jyh)

⇢ favorite things - drabble one // ft. the pmylm couple

summary: yunho's been having a rough time adjusting to the 'real world' and gets upset when he can't have the person he needs the most right away.

words: 2.8k

warnings: cussing/mature language, jealousy/insecurities, yuyu is upset and doesn't really know how to control his feelings rn cause he is just a tired boy 😭, a small lil fight, the awkward silent treatment, yuyu and yeo talk thru his feelings for a bit, kissing/making out, sorry if i missed anything i quickly whipped the rest of this in bed lol

a/n: whipped this baby up because i just felt the need to and i missed my babies!! (+ this lil IG inspo hehe) more drabbles to come 🫶🏼 love you in slow motion update this weekend annnnd i’m gonna have to push back the fallen angel hwa fic cause im all over the place 🥹 but we’ll do better!! lol stay tuned!!

Yunho has entered the real world and he is exhausted. When his mom used to joke about living and working in this so-called real world, he used to think it was just a thing to keep him on his toes, shake him up a little bit.

Nope, that shit was all real.

And he hates it.

He hates it because it's the one thing that brings another fight to the table for your relationship. Ultimately, Yunho knows all he has to do is adjust and he'll be fine in the long run. Both of you will be fine in the long run.

But today, that feels like a stretch and he is short of patience. Unusually short of patience than usual. He knows you don't mean any harm but for some odd reason, today he feels like the world is going to swallow him alive and everything is triggering.

The first thing is the fact that he has to stay a bit later than usual to finish up a project he had been working on. He was hoping to rush home and spend some time with you before you were off to practice for the evening, spending 2-3 hours with your friends and the group.

That didn't happen.

So, when he gets home and you've already texted him saying you've left with a sad, crying face, he's bummed. He gets himself comfortable anyway, heating up a cup of ramen since he's not too hungry. Maybe he'll get some food with you when you're out— it's one of his favorite things to do.

Now, the second thing that makes him a little more irked is the fact that 2-3 hours go by and you haven't texted. He knows practice can run long, but it's also a little unusual for you to not keep him updated. You finally do a bit past 8pm with a quick:

you: hi baby, sorry! practice was a bit busy, i was caught up during breaks. i'll be home soon then i'll come over after i shower, okay? wait for me (: we should go on a food run! hehe

yunho: sounds good, love. i'll be here.

It closes to 9pm and Yunho isn't hungry anymore. The cup of ramen will do since there seems to be a dim chance of getting food with you, especially when you tell him you'll be over in a quick second but you’re still nowhere to be found. Yunho charges to the door anyway and is hoping to greet you when he swings the door open. Instead, he's greeted with you laughing and giggling with Hyunjin downstairs in the lot as he hands you a bag of to-go food.

Let's set the record straight— Yunho loves your friends. He knows he can trust them, and he knows they're all genuinely good people. He's always been happy you had a good group of people around you.

It's just today, he really, really missed you. After a long ass day. And he knows you [and Hyunjin] mean no harm in your actions, but he can't help but feel a tad bit insecure [and slightly jealous] that you aren't rushing over to see him after not being with him all day. He knows he can blame this on the fact that he's exhausted and a little short on patience. God knows he really did try to keep it cool and brush it off.

He couldn't help it.

Yunho shuts the door again, leaving it unlocked for whenever you feel ready to come upstairs and hang out with him. He sits on his computer chair, irritated, and throws on a game to distract himself momentarily. Maybe it'll help ease whatever he's feeling,

But, nope.

It doesn't.

Because when you walk in, you're still yelling out to Hyunjin and whoever before you shut the door, place the food on the counter and walk into his room. You throw your arms around him from behind and Yunho lets out a small, audible sigh. That was already alarming enough for you, but you still dip your head to the side and try to grab his attention.

"Hi." You place a quick, chaste quick to his cheek, but Yunho doesn't move.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Is all he says plainly. "I was just waiting for you."

"I know, but Hyunjin stopped by to give us food—"

"I thought we were gonna grab food together?"

"Oh." You frown because it completely slipped your mind, or else, you would've left the food at your own apartment to save it for tomorrow instead. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't think he was gonna swing by with food. We all left each other earlier without any plans of—"

"It's okay." He taps your arms as a signal for you to let go of him. "You should go eat."

"We can share, there's more than enough—"

"All good." It's petty of Yunho, he knows. For him, it's the fact that you told him you wanted to go on a food run after practice. Another small, but meaningful thing you two did often. He doesn't blame Hyunjin for anything at all, no. There was no way of preventing that, and who the fuck was he to make you reject food from a friend?

He just wished he could take you to get food. Watch you order your favorites and do your happy dance in his passenger's seat. It's another one of his favorite things.

"Yunho." You slowly step aside and sit on his bed, your appetite all of a sudden gone from how distant your boyfriend is being. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's fine."

"Is it really? Because something feels off and I wanna know what I did so I can fix it."

"It's nothing, Y/N." You almost flinch at the way he calls you your name instead of his cute endearing nicknames. It throws you off guard so much that you resort to a flimsy, broken:

"Okay." It's barely above a whisper. You stand to head back out to the kitchen, quietly eating a bit of Hyunjin's extra to-go thai food before setting some aside in a tupperware for Yunho and placing it in the fridge. The rest of the night goes.. like that.

In silence. With weird tension.

You hate it.

You wish you could just fix whatever you did wrong, or that Yunho would tell you no matter how 'silly' it may sound. He's always been so good with communicating, even during small disagreements, you weren't sure why he was avoiding it this time around.

You quietly get ready for bed, brushing your teeth and flossing before changing out of your sweats and hoodie to Yunho's shirt. You pad into the room, slipping yourself deep under the sheets and pull up some vlogs on Youtube that you need to catch up on.

"Tired?" Yunho asks from his computer chair, still playing his game.

"Mhm." You look at him, hoping he'd come over to kiss you, cuddle you. Shut off the computer and lay next to you, show you any kind of affection. He doesn't budge, though. You feel your bottom lip trembling, your heart slowly cracking in various places. You have to take a breath to prevent yourself from crying, and Yunho can feel it. He can feel your gaze on him, he can tell you're seconds away from crying. So, Yunho stands and shuts off his computer. But, he starts to head out to the living room and you're on the verge of breaking down. His way of avoiding the issue and getting more upset was to shut down. Deflect.

This wasn't like Yunho at all so you knew something was wrong; something was that bothersome to him.

"Baby." You call for him softly, and he just looks at you. You can tell he's conflicted between keeping this up and dropping it entirely, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It's not enough for him to drop it because his expression doesn't change. He still seems cold, distant. Tired. Unlike the Yunho you're so, so used to seeing and having.

"I'm just tired. Go to sleep."

"Where are you going?"

"The living room."

"Let me come with you."

"Y/N. Please go to sleep. I told you nothing was wrong." You watch the way his jaw slightly ticks before brushing you off completely and leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. A loud sigh escapes his lips as he treads to the couch and plops onto it, leaning his head back onto the edge. He shuts his eyes, giving himself some time to sort through his feelings because what the fuck, Jeong Yunho?

He knows this is much needed, though. He needed to step away for a second to regroup. He doesn't want to unintentionally hurt you by saying or doing things that he doesn't mean. He's tired, and he's acting like a fucking baby because he just wanted you at so many points today— yet, the universe just didn't let him have you. That wasn't your fault.

None of this was your fault.

He needed to do better. Just because he was exhausted, didn't mean he had to act this way towards you.

"Yo." Yeosang walks through the door, dropping his duffle bag to the floor as he steps out of his shoes. "You good?" He furrows his brows at the sight of Yunho just resting his head back with his eyes shut close.

"Mhm."

"Where's Y/N?"

"In the room." Odd, Yeosang thinks. It's not like you two to be separated like this. It's pretty obvious Yunho is bothered by something and that you've probably gotten into a small fight over it. Yeosang isn't one to meddle much, especially when it's not his business to. But, he is concerned seeing his roommate like this. It's probably one of the rare times he ever sees Yunho upset.

"You sure everything's okay? I'm not really used to seeing you sitting out in the living room in silence like this." Yunho lets out a tiny chuckle that's barely audible, but he finally turns to Yeosang and purses his lips.

"I guess. Just exhausted lately."

"I bet. You've been working your ass off." Yeosang looks into the fridge before stepping away with a cold water bottle and heading towards Yunho. "Y/N put some food in there for you, by the way."

"Did she?"

"Yeah. It has a little sticky note on top." Of course you did, why wouldn’t you? You always thought about Yunho no matter what.

"Fuck."

"What?"'

"I've been such a dick to her tonight."

"What'd you do?"

"It's so stupid." Yunho begins to explain how his day has just been all over the place— from work, to staying late and not being able to see you before practice, no updates until 3+ hours after practice, looking forward to a food run that didn't end up happening because of Hyunjin. All Yeosang can do is laugh a bit and shake his head.

"Dude, we all have bad days. It's inevitable. You're still adjusting so don't be so hard on yourself. It's hard going from a routine you were so used to, especially with Y/N. Then, having to switch it up and play tetris with your time. It's not easy. But also, I'm sure Y/N has been feeling the same way. She's just doing what she can to support you first and foremost. She'd never hurt you intentionally, and I know she'd always choose you in the end." Yunho's head drops as he leans onto his knees and sighs again.

"Fuck, you're right. I don't know why today was so difficult. I guess it all piled on for me and I didn't know how to sort through it."

"All good. Shit happens." Yeosang shrugs. "Anyway. I'm gonna head to bed. You should probably do the same. I know she's probably waiting for you."

"Thanks." Yeo gives him a little dap before he's off to get comfy and end his day. Yunho stays on the couch for a few more minutes before he brushes his teeth and washes up for bed. He stands in the bathroom for a few more seconds before gaining the courage to finally talk to you about everything that's been going on today. When he walks in, you're still bundled under the sheets, but your phone is against the wall and a video is playing. He can hear you sniffling through the video though, and he knows you've been crying.

God dammit, Yunho.

"Baby?" You hear Yunho softly call your name as he slips into bed and wraps his arms around you.

"Mhm?" You respond, still facing away from him.

"Can we talk?" You sigh and exit the video, locking your phone before turning towards Yunho and setting your phone onto the table.

"Don't force yourself if you aren't ready to."

"I am, and I'm sorry." He looks at you with those puppy dog eyes and it instantly feels like you have your loving, incredibly sweet and attentive boyfriend back.

"What happened?"

"I don't really know. To be honest, I don't have that great of an explanation. I was just tired and I was really looking forward to seeing you before practice. I couldn't see you then because of work, so I was even more excited to see you after practice and to go on our run together. But, you came later and the whole thing with Hyunjin—" He pauses and shakes his head. "It was so stupid and childish of me. I didn't need to act that way, and I'm so sorry I was such a dick to you over that." You cup his cheek and caress the surface with your thumb.

"You should've just told me, babe."

"It's so dumb, though?" He furrows his brows, mainly at himself.

"Nothing is dumb. Whatever hurts you, hurts me. We're in this together, remember? We're on the same team. I just need you to communicate and be honest, like you always tell me. Okay? I'll do anything to fix it and make it better. I'm your safe space like you are mine."

"I know." He leans into your touch before placing a soft kiss to your palm. "I'll do better."

"We have our bad days and that's okay. It won't make me love you any less. Tell me if you need space or if you need anything from me. I want you to be happy and comfortable."

"I know."

"Okay. And I'm sorry about the food run. I promise I'll keep my end of it next time."

"Wasn't your fault, baby. Nothing could have prevented that." You give him a tiny, toothless smile before kissing the tip of his nose.

"Are we okay?" He nods.

"I'm so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.” He repeats before leaning in to peck you on the lips. He holds the kiss before parting and looking you in the eye, brushing the hair away from your face. He dips in for another kiss— this time, it's deeper. More passionate. His hand comes down to the small of your back as he presses against you, slipping his tongue in to fight for dominance against yours. The kiss is so full of love and neediness, but there's no push or pressure to make anything out of it.

So, Yunho continues to kiss you. Pushing up against you ever so slightly while parting from your lips to leave a trail across your jaw.

Your chin.

Your neck.

Back up to your lips.

He loves the way you softly sigh in content, listening to him repeatedly whisper 'I love you' against your lips. Into your neck. Across your jaw. He loves the way you gently bite onto his bottom lip as a way of asking for more. He loves the way your fingers tug on the ends of his hair, the way you press your lips against his cheek, forehead, nose. The way you caress his cheeks and never let him go.

It's amongst the many on his list of favorite things.

He continues to coo you and praise you in between kisses throughout the night, smiling while hearing your giggles and smothering you with more kisses until you find yourself getting sleepy. He holds you close and sings a soft lullaby, playing with your hair as you drift off to sleep with the cutest smile on your face. He can’t help but admire you, fighting the exhaustion that’s been hitting him all week for a little longer. He fights it until he can’t anymore but fuck it, it’s all worth it.

Because sitting at the very top of his favorites list is you.

⇢ permanent taglist: @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[thegeminisage]

ok it's star trek update time. once again. i've fallen behind 💀 tuesday we did voy's "the cloud" and "phage" (out of order bc plex numbered them incorrectly/user error), wednesday we did ds9's "dentiny" and voy's "eye of the needle," and last night we watched ds9's "prohphet motive" and voy's "ex post facto."

the cloud (voy):

man this one sucked ass

well, i did like janeway's personal log. i love women getting to have the same normal problems a man would. i like janeway a lot, even if she still feels a bit stiff to me sometimes

actually, WAIT, why is the academy TEACHING captains they need to maintain a certain distance? like sure yes it's a bad idea to fuck your subordinates (even though picard said there was NO?? regulation on that...) but surely you're supposed to like. care about them. between this and deanna winning the kobayashi maru by killing geordi i'm starting to wonder if starfleet expects captains to simply not CARE about people. there's something larger at work in my brain re: this thought, like, kirk was always going on missions himself to protect people despite that putting him greater danger, and now they don't want captains to leave the chair or care about people...hell universe. and since picard never left the chair or cared about anyone it may have made for good policy but it made for BAD tv

ANYWAY.

accidentally got spoiled for neelix being the cook bc of reverse ep order lol

tom paris once again insufferable bc he's like dont invite the captain to poker night or whatever. for a rebellious felon he's really toeing that starfleet line. also, the LAST thing in the world i want is more holodeck but ESPECIALLY if i have to watch tom paris make out with realfake holo women on it. HOLO PEOPLE ARE ALIVE YOU FOOLS

i thought this episode was gonna be about coffee and it wasn't :( it was just a few jokes here and there

the nebula plot was stupid. you ram a hole in it and you're gonna fix it by ramming more holes? neelix is the only mfer that gets it. that said, i DO support women's rights to ram ill-advised things through holes - whenever, however, and as often as they like.

chakotay teaching janeway to find her animal guide (complete with the medicine bundle...) being played TOTALLY straight and serious just about ended me. like i knew they werent gonna be like "haha just kidding you are a REALLY gullible white person" at the end but watching them not do that was really really awful

harry kim just casually dropping he remembers being in the womb. alright.

janeway muting the doc when he is trying to speak :( holo-racist

i do like that firstly harry was like fuck tom paris im inviting janeway and secondly that she can play pool really well. those were nice touches. the non-racist janeway stuff was good! i just wish the rest of the episode had been good too lol

phage (voy):

i liked this one MUCH better. first of all, neelix in the cave about to get his lungs stolen very "mistew obama pwease hewp me" core. then perish. rip in pieces poor neelix :(

secondly, what an interesting ethical dilemma...can you kill a person to save a person? not in starfleet ig but if i was janeway i would have been real tempted. neelix is great

kes giving up one of her lungs to neelix was so sweet, actually. kes has grown on me a HUGE amount in a very very short time. i absolutely love her kindness, which was boring at first because i didn't really feel like she was being kind in a way that stood out from any run of the mill compassionate character. but her scenes with the doctor bring out the best in both of them, i think - like, he kicks her out initially, and then asks her to stay because he's in over his head. and rather than dismissing him she stays and asks if he wants to unionize. the fact that she's DETERMINED to treat him as a fully realized person when he doesn't even treat himself that way...she recognizes unmet needs and works to fix them, just because that's who she is. AUGH she's such a good personnn she;s gonna make a GREAT doctor

lung stealing aliens are way cooler than the slaver aliens even if they are horrible to look at. i LOVE how mad janeway got at them. she was like if i EVER see you again its on sight and i believe her. and she scared them so good they fixed neelix <3 kinda goes to show compassion wins...and that kind of compassion/adherence to morals in the face of personal loss and righteous anger IS a kirk move honorific. and winning because of those qualities is a kirk move. ugh i like janeway so much

"one day i'll surprise you mister tuvok" i love them. wah. tuvok reminds me SO much of spock...he's got that eyebrow thing happening

also, neelix getting his lungs removed totally makes this the spiritual sequel to spock's brain

destiny (ds9):

the whole time i was watching this i felt like sokka in that one atla episode. "can your science prove why it rains" core. like just because there are three cardassians and some river went somewhere...it's especially galling to me that kira buys into it completely. i always forget she's religious, and she's so SMART i didn't think she'd get caught up in the prophecy of it all.

recited the 35th rule of acquisition alongside quark which felt. bad. i still haven't forgiven him but i'm trying

cardassian lady accidentally flirting with obrien was EXTREMELY funny. that's twice now he's banged his head on the ceiling and it's incredibly charming

kira and sisko being buddies 🥺 kira like it's had to work for space jesus!!! so true girl. though she literally was sleeping with a space priest. their bits were sooo good though, you can FEEL how much he doesn't want the enormity of his role, and how much kira believes in him - and i personally get the sense it's because she's SEEN him work. like she believes in him on a professional level, as well, because he ALWAYS has her back. man i would totally believe he was space jesus too who can blame her he's amazing

i did at least like the rational explanation for the prophecies- that nonlinear aliens simply just tell people things. i do wonder why they can't just knock on the wormhole and ask those guys some questions, though

anyway, firmly mid. normally i love kira-heavy episodes but i just had such a hard time not going full sokka in this one. sorry, kira!

eye of the needle (voy):

THIS ONE BLEW MY TITS CLEAN OFF!! best voyager episode yet imho

firstly we are still sending things through holes. fantastic.

also, kes went from "eh she is boring" to "i would die for her" at warp speed......her scenes with the doctor are all SO good. kes recognizing his humanity when most people in starfleet don't know holograms are alive/don't care that holograms are alive, when HE HIMSELF does not think of himself as being alive...mwah. david cage wishes. it feels like an inverse of the data situation, because data WANTED to be alive but struggled to fit in with humanity, whereas the doctor didn't give two shits about being treated like a real person until kes started talking to him about it, and would in fact fit in effortlessly with "real people" were he not confined to the medbay.

and the doctor's bitterness! no one speaks directly to him despite asking him to function as an entire medical staff. no one remembers to turn him off, leaving him to suffer through hours of boredom, or people turn him off when he isn't ready, leading to problems with his experiments. and the existential dread of being abandoned on the ship alone while everyone else potentially transports home through the wormhole...and someone potentially forgetting to deactivate him first.

i really like how janeway reacted to the news that the doctor might be alive. she was like "girl no way" and then kes was like "yes way" and she decided to investigate herself rather than be dismissive about it. she was very good in this episode overall but i like that she showed compassion to someone/something she wasn't even sure was alive. it was very siskocore of her.

and finally...that sweet a-plot. letswatchstartrek, my least favorite website that is absolute essential to my functioning, GAVE THIS A TWO. because "well it's season 1 we all know they aren't getting home this episode." those fucking idiots, that's WHY this episode is good!! it's about hope. do they understand nothing

like, everyone trying SO HARD to curb their expectations at first because the wormhole is so small and so decayed and the absolute MOST they can hope for is to get a message through...the agony of the wormhole going back to where they need to be but them not being able to get through and the only person picking up the phone being a FUCKING romulan who think they're prank calling him

and the way that like this predicament utterly humanizes everyone involved. janeway answering the phone in her nightgown. asking about this romulan's family. the barriers between starfleet and romulus breaks down instantly under the shared connection of being adrift without one's family. what a perfect illustration of the compassion one can have for strangers because deep down even aliens are made of the same stuff as we are.

and then of course by the end janeway is like it doesn't matter! secrecy doesn't matter! let's have hope for a minute let's believe this will work! and then IT DOESN'T WORK. or, actually, what's worse is that it could work, they could theoretically go back to the alpha quadrant 20 years ago, but it will fuck everything up if they do, and they can't even prevent themselves from getting stuck out here. all they can do is send the romulan home with their messages and then..........

............have no idea if he found a way to send them before he died ahead of schedule. like. ALL THEY HAVE IS HOPE. like of COURSE you know theyre not gonna get home in season 1 but THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT INSANE.

also, hi, b'elanna not having anyone at home who cares if she lives or dies...this retroactively makes chakotay's protectiveness of her so much more meaningful. everyone who loves her is already on this ship :( aaaagggh

prophet motive (ds9):

god this one sucked so bad. rare L for ds9 and a major one at that

i spent most of it googling whether or not people actually liked the ferengi episodes (to my dismey: yes, people on reddit think they're funny), but i also spent some time googling how many more episodes we had to suffer through this grand nagus bullshit (4) and getting my little guys stolen on chess.

i have been wanting to see the wormhole aliens again FOREVER and wondered why you can't just go and talk to them and then they show up in this of all places...they so nicely let people go through their wormhole and then this dude disrespectfully bothers them...

also, to SELL an orb back to the bajorans...i hope he dies. i hope kira specifically kills him and loots the orb off his corpse.

the only two moments of note in this episode were 1. quark talking ancient unknowable aliens into letting him and the nagus leave unscathed through a combination of fast thinking and being annoying, which would be charming were i not in such dire anti-quark straits 2. rom robbing the nagus blind LMAOOO good for him. i hope he shared exactly zero of it with quark

on a final note, the space station, unlike tng's enterprise, does NOT seem to be self-cleaning. thank god for that.

EDIT I NEARLY FORGOT JULIAN BASHIR B PLOT!!!!! he wanted to win so bad even though he knew there wasnt a chance 🥺 my poor HORRIBLY competitive fella. and then it was three days of marinating in the fact that he was never gonna win

also odo cold reading him about the acceptance speech lmfao. love that

ex post facto (voy):

i would have liked this episode a LOT if it had happened to anyone but tom paris. imagine if a guy you liked had special brain torture every 14 hours even though he was totally innocent and only a mind meld from tuvok could save him. like, picture almost any other trek character in this situation. bashir. riker. even bones. any of them could maybe perhaps do a little kissing of a married woman and get themselves into trouble and it would be one of my favorite episodes of all time. even the plot twist of WHY he was falsely accused was fun and clever. unfortunately, i simply cannot bring myself to care about tom paris.

tuvok my best friend tuvok. he DID HIS HOMEWORK! the eyebrow movements, the way he did the mind meld from the same position that spock melded with dr van gelder in dagger of the mind my beloved. all these things are unmistakably vulcan because leonard nimoy did them first and SPOCK is unmistakably vulcan, despite all his lifelong insecurities. now that i've met other vulcans properly i know that better than ever and i wish he could too.

ALSO, HI, MARRIED 67 YEARS??? lowkey sad he and janeway can't get it now but also, do we think he has BABIES? do we think he has GRANDBABIES?? grandpa tuvok my best friend AAAGHGH. also, since this series is 7 years long and also because of a spoilery gifset EYE happen to know pon farr is inevitable. but i bet his wife had to fix it herself back home too so ik she will forgive him

anyway, if i was innocent, there's no one i'd rather have on my side than tuvok. he went above and beyond the call of duty there. i was really surprised he powered through the meld and experienced being murdered so well. i mean he took that like a champ. that's on vulcan stoicism...also AUGH janeway INSISTING he not do that bc she knows it will be horrible and the long time she spent searching his face before finally agreeing to it. i would never want him to cheat on his wife but they could also theoretically hypothetically get it.

and finally, CUTEST dog in the world this episode. it's so odd looking it does such a great job at jumping around everywhere

TONIGHT: ds9's "visionary" and voy's "emanations"

[viobearr]

hi viobearr gang from tumblr !! sorry for being inactive (again) LOL . went back to school 2 months ago and it has consumed my life, so i havent had any chance to stream or draw or even talk to my friends. ive literally been just going outside and touching grass !!!!!

ive been putting a lot of my focus into studying in HUMSS and doing all my schoolwork, and thankfully i dont feel as pressured and frustrated as i did last year. my class is also just full of really nice kids that im happy to call my new friends !

anyway, just wanted to update u guys and let u know im alive and doing well ! cant promise consistently posting art again in the near future, but you can always follow my alt insta where i post doodles and talk a lot on my ig stories so you dont miss the latest updates with me! love u guys, see u soon :)

[raspbeyes]

Ignorance Is Bliss: Gonta's Tragic Fall To Killer

edit: THIS IS VERY LONG I'M VERY SORRY I DID NOT INTEND FOR IT TO BE THIS LONG LMAOOO (ig i really like talking about gonta)

i suggest reading it in parts if it helps im so sorry -___-;;

Some of my own biases first

Before I get into anything, I’ll just state my biases here hehe. I freaking love Gonta and I’m not writing this to bash him, I sobbed and still sob over trial 4 of Danganronpa V3 and it is by far one of my favorite trials in the franchise. He is such an amazing character who I adored every moment he was on screen and DAMMIT I WISH HE WAS ALIVE HE DESERVED NONE OF THIS (i’m gonna go cry in the corner now)

BUT … Kokichi is also my favorite character of the series. I can ramble on forever about why I love this character, but just know that I think he is both a fascinating and entertaining character throughout the game who I can spend hours trying to analyze. 

However, I do not at all defend this little bastard’s actions in the game … Well no more than I think is necessary (For example, I do believe his emotional response during the trial and before Gonta’s execution, as well as his hatred for the killing game were all genuine). But it may be possible that I can be biased so sorry if some conclusions I draw may be due to Kokichi being my favorite character coloring my perception. But don’t take this as me tryna push the blame all off Kokichi and onto Gonta. More like tipping the scales a bit more to the middle (Though it is more leaning as Kokichi to being the guilty party lol) to shed light on the gray area that I feel went untouched in the story and fanbase. Moreover, I really want to go in-depth about how Gonta's character arc is set up and how taking in all of Gonta's actions leading up chapter four, it makes full sense why he agreed to Kokichi's plan.

Now onto this essay (Idk how long this is even gonna be … im worried) (update from future me … oh dear … I have created a monstrosity -___-;;)

A little refresher and me babbling about why I love this trial

So … One of the most deciding chapters in the game, trial 4 by far is one of my favorite chapters on an emotional level, spiraling the story into the craziness of chapter 5 with the amount of pressure it puts onto everyone involved. Yes, there is Gonta and Kokichi - I’ll get to them ofc - but it also officially causes the schism between the workout trio’s dynamic, with Shuichi taking a reluctant stand against the extreme belief Kaito has been peddling all game, siding with the asshole of this whole situation. It is the make-it-or-break-it chapter for a whole lot of people for so many reasons, with the rivalry of Kaito and Kokichi - and their respective ideals - ramping up to a toxic level as the fanbase itself will grow decisive over the justifications of both characters. You will get Kaito haters saying how he is stubbornly ignorant throughout the trial, hindering and in a sense, endangering the lives of everyone by fighting for Gonta’s behalf. Meanwhile Kokichi haters will point out the contradictory actions Kokichi takes along with the millions of loathsome things he spews out by the end, all onto of making Gonta the patsy. (Though, at the end of the day, I love both of these characters a lot … ughhh liking Kaito and Kokichi at the same time is painful) 

Then there’s the dramatic reveal of Kaito’s illness to the rest of the group, breaking a sense of security in the group after already being dealt a blow to morale. Then there is the hint of the horrors of the outside world that pushed Gonta to kill. With prior knowledge of the games, more clues to the endgame revealed is dropped here in chapter four.

Not to mention the emotional gut punch of just .. Gonta, the gentle giant who only wants to protect everyone, who is forced into a situation where he must come to terms with something so heinous for him that he does not even have memory of doing. Major props to the voice of Gonta (both English and Japanese) to bringing me to tears everytime, as well as Kokichi and Kaito’s VAs delivering extreme performances as the two characters clash. By the end of the chapter, the characters and audience are distraught as the comedic relief of Miu and Gonta have their lives ended in tragic ways. The contrast between the group’s unity after Kiyo’s trial to the end of Gonta’s trial is night and day. All in all, this chapter juggles so many dramatic beats excellently and AHHH RIGHT RIGHT I’M MEANT TO ANALYZE THIS NOT RECAP WHOOPS THIS CHAPTER IS SO GOOD

I: Why ‘Personality Change’ Inherently Makes This Trial Dumber

However, my issue lies in how even the story seems to simplify the complexity of Gonta’s actions. The prime example of the story watering down Gonta’s actions is during Shuichi’s closing argument segment in which he theorizes that Gonta may have had his personality changed during the avatar error to explain his actions. 

“Maybe the cord affected the avatar’s personality … because I still can’t believe that such a kindhearted person willingly killed someone” 

Now, yes, there is reason to doubt this conclusion in the text itself: With Shuichi having his own biases, the group not knowing of the motive yet, and this personality change never being brought before during the trial, it can be assumed it’s only Shuichi’s speculation and not factual. 

BUT WHY DID THE WRITERS/CREATORS LEAVE THE LINE IN? Personally, as much as there should be doubt put on the statement, Shuichi is the protagonist, so what he says will be taken as the truth as players would assume that is what the writers want you to believe. So, I will be arguing under the pretense that this line is meant to be taken seriously, as I am sure that a good chunk of people came away from this trial under the impression that Gonta killed due to a personality alteration. 

We don’t get to see a lot of Gonta in the virtual world - well no more than the others - so whatever few lines there are must count for a lot. 

(Though I’d say one actual plausible shred of evidence pointing to a personality change is the fact Gonta is the last one to speak upon entering the virtual world, being oddly silent for the first 3-ish minutes of the start of the virtual world segment. But I think I can dispel that with just the avatar error causing memory issues or Gonta getting acquainted with the world.)

Now Gonta’s first concern upon entering is his lack of strength, saying the following when he is told strength is equalized: 

“N-no! If Gonta not strong, Gonta no can protect everyone!” 

So far, it is in line with Gonta’s personality, with the first thing he thinks of is his ability to protect others. Of course he would be concerned if he cannot help them with his strength. I believe if you choose to chat Gonta up for the optional dialogue during these scenes, he would be upset he wouldn’t be able to protect everyone. All of which are in line with his character up to that point (I’ll get into that later), so him exhibiting that great anxiety is not OOC for him. Gonta’s first priority is to help and to believe he is stripped of that already makes him nervous. Not because of a personality change, but because that is how he is as a character.

Ah, let’s get to the moment Gonta officially screwed himself over. When Kokichi is about to leave for the forest, Gonta volunteers to follow Kokichi:

“Gonta not understand what’s going on. Gonta not sure how helpful he can be … But Gonta can watch Kokichi so he not do anything weird!” 

And as Gonta is about to leave, he assures the group: 

“It’s okay! Leave it to Gonta! Gonta keep eye on Kokichi!”

Once again, I do believe this is not Gonta acting out of character either. As I said earlier, Gonta now believes he has nothing to help his friends, so first thing he will do is find a way to help everyone that is not regarding his strength. So he offers himself up to do the ‘dirty’ work of keeping an eye on the brat, Kokichi. So in these scenes where Gonta is under no influence such as despair, he acts completely like the Gonta we know and love. Anything after this will be disqualified as he would be in despair (“A despair that makes you want to die” as Kokichi explains) so his morose sprites can be explained away by that.  In the Danganronpa universe, despair can be such an intense feeling that it can change the way a person acts. We see that with Kokichi after he swiped the key card (Acting even more antagonistic) and with Gonta, acting more reserved and nervous. And hey, can you blame them? They did just recall the memory that everything they have been fighting for is a lie and everybody they love is dead :))

But hey, "a personality change can’t be too apparent during these early scenes. Otherwise the clue to who had the avatar error would be given away very easily." So … What about the times the audience/characters are not privy to? Surely that is the time to demonstrate Gonta acting out of character to prove the personality change. Hmm … If only there was a flashback to something like that - OH RIGHT WE GET A FLASHBACK TO THE MOMENT OF THE CRIME DURING THE POST-TRIAL. Let’s see what ‘alter-ego’ Gonta says as he does the unthinkable. 

First thing Gonta says as he ambushes Miu is: 

“S-Sorry …! Gonta so sorry …!”

Gonta does not take any uncharacteristic joy or apathy from this action, instead apologizing first thing without hesitation. If there was a personality change, have him be silent, not saying anything to Miu as she dies. But no, during a scene in which the audience only sees after the verdict, Gonta acts like how Gonta would in this situation, spluttering out apologies right away. 

Of course, Kokichi, wanting to distance himself away from the violence, turns away and explains: 

“Don’t be sorry, Gonta. She was trying to kill me, too. She said it was for the world or whatever, but that was just a poor excuse. We’re doing this to stop the vicious cycle of misery! So you don’t need to apologize.”

Kokichi and Gonta should be on a similar enough wavelength here, since Gonta agreed to Kokichi’s plan after all. And here Kokichi is, giving Gonta the justification he would need to explain away the deed (and probably something Gonta agrees with). 

Except, even as Miu falls to the ground, Gonta weakly still tries to object: 

“B-But … but …! Ergh … nrgh …! Gonta sorry! Gonta so sorry, Miu!”

This final bit dialogue here is the nail in the coffin to the possibility of Gonta not having a personality change to me. Even though he is partnering up with Kokichi here and should agree with what Kokichi is saying, Gonta still defies Kokichi’s command to not apologize, continuing to do so in distress. He felt no joy, only misery, even when he did agree to this plan. (And as I will argue later, Gonta did willingly choose to do this.) But like normal Gonta, Gonta in the virtual world is extremely torn, even after the deed is done. 

Once again, the writers had the opportunity here to write Gonta acting differently to demonstrate the personality change. Have him explain to Miu about how “Gonta needs to do this. Gonta no can let Miu to continue this violence.” (So essentially, what Kokichi is saying). If they chose that as his dialogue instead, that would be OOC for him. It would come across off as if Gonta believes he knows better than Miu, similar to how Kokichi views himself in this situation. It would make this ‘alter-ego’ Gonta think he knows better than others, solidifying the supposed personality change.

But the writers don’t do that. Because Gonta never thinks he is smarter than the others. Gonta is unsure of himself to the very end of the line, and even after committing the crime, he kneels on the ground and weeps. This decision pains Gonta greatly and not something he took lightly. He completely ignores Kokichi’s reasoning here, choosing to apologize nevertheless, knowing he is in the wrong. Yes, I am sure he believed he was doing the ‘right’ thing and agreed with Kokichi on a conceptual level to the plan. But in that moment, Gonta is aware of how wrong his action is. Just like normal Gonta. As such, there is literally zero evidence to Gonta acting OOC to elicit the possibility of a personality change during any part of the virtual world. 

So then why? 

Why put this contradictory line in there? It can be said that it was just a theory Shuichi made up, and it doesn’t matter anymore since the motive is explained post-trial. But it is still just unnecessary and muddies Gonta’s character in the long run. Personally, my theory is that it is there as a safeguard measure to dispel any doubt in the player’s mind of Gonta’s actions. Once again, I will explain why I think Gonta is totally capable to killing, but upon first viewing, I’m pretty sure a good amount of players (including me!) would see this as an extreme heel-face turn for Gonta’s character (Cue Kaito saying “I STILL BELIEVE IN GONTA” lol). So to alleviate that criticism, the writers snuck in the possibility that Gonta was under some external influence to explain it away. Is it backed up by the story? No … Does it overall weaken the trial with its inclusion? Yes … But it does quickly offer an easy explanation to skeptics of Gonta being the killer. 

But it only ruins the trial. The purpose of the avatar error/memory loss is solely for Gonta to have a ‘defense’ (Let’s be honest, if Gonta remembered, he’d be so obvious unfortunately) and twists the knife for the reveal.

And why does this error occur? All cuz Gonta is left-handed and doesn’t know his left and right apart. I … don’t love this (Since it once again casts Gonta as someone who is incompetant to not know his left and right) but I am willing to accept it since the effect of this mistake is dramatic and heartbreaking for everyone (Kokichi’s outburst, Gonta’s denial and realization, Kaito’s stubborn defense, etc etc). 

But when you add the personality change layer to it, it drags the entire trial down with it. If Gonta took the plunge due to this ‘personality change’, then that would mean it is all because he switched up the cords. So … if what Shuichi believes is true, THE WHOLE REASON MIU DIED WAS CUZ GONTA WAS LEFT-HANDED AUGHHH. It makes this whole entire thing become ten times stupider. Not only does it make this trial shallower and the death more preventable, it ruins Gonta’s character, making him look both idiotic for making such a silly mistake and diminishes his agency in his morally dubious actions during the chapter. Instead of allowing Gonta actually challenge the viewers’ perception of him as completely pure, the writers take the easier route of writing it off as ‘personality change’. Yes, it is tragic but a whole lot less compelling. I dislike that it makes Gonta become a one-dimensional character who is the pinnacle of good. And I’m saying this as someone who adores Gonta! But I want Gonta to be treated like a human, and I want to have my perception of him challenged, flaws and all. I feel like chapter 4 had the chance to do so, but could not fully commit to it, leaving a good chunk of the fanbase shoving all the blame onto Kokichi and making Gonta lack any of the agency in his own dang story. So when analyzing chapter 4, I will look at it under the reasoning that Gonta is acting completely like himself, even under the influence of despair. 

II: Gonta’s Character: A Tragic Fall 

“Gonta Idiot”

I’m just gonna say it: Gonta is smart as shit, or at the very least, he’s on par with most people in his class in terms of cognitive thought. As much as I do love Gonta’s caveman talk in the localization (Idk, I personally find it endearing and adorable), it does him dirty in terms of how general English speaking audiences will view him. It makes him come across as considerably ‘behind’ everyone compared to his portrayal in the Japanese version of the game (Where he speaks normally, just in third person like some other characters in the franchise i.e Tenko and Ibuki). Even though he literally was able to grasp language and become an Ultimate after being isolated from humanity for 10 years! It is impressive how quickly Gonta must’ve adapted to get to where he is now.  However, being isolated for so long has its negative effects, stunting Gonta in terms of language and his gullibility. 

To get language out of the way first, I feel like just because Gonta cannot fully communicate the extent of his thinking, it does not make him inferior to others in terms of reasoning. He is shown during trial 1 to be capable of making logical arguments about why he cannot be the culprit (After the joke about finding an alibi, Gonta reasons how he should have been spotted if he left the AV room). Then during trial 2, he was able to determine Kirumi’s rope trick regarding how she constructed the ropeway. I don’t think people should take Gonta’s inability to communicate fully as a reflection of his intelligence. He is shown to be competent like everyone else and grasps the situation he is in … outside of a few gags stemming from his gullibility. Speaking of which …

Guilbility does not equate to incompetence, but it is something Gonta falls short on. Most definitely from his many years of isolation in the forest (And judging from what he said about his childhood, he likely was isolated from children his age from the very start), Gonta does not have the experience to fully grasp the motivation behind what others tell him, leading him to get roped into Kokichi and Angie’s schemes. However, I don’t think his gullibility plays as much of a factor in any of the things he supposedly gets ‘tricked’ into doing via Kokichi. With a less severe example, the Insect Meet and Greet is usually the incident most people point to as Gonta’s gullibility leading to disaster. But if you go to either Kokichi or Gonta’s second free time event, Shuichi would be interrupting their little ‘strategy meeting’.

When prompted in the second FTE in chapter 2, Gonta will say:

“Oh! Shuichi! You here to help Gonta think of way to get everyone to trade motives?”

(Also, I find it so funny how Shuichi interrupts their meetings together during chapter 2 twice, so whenever you want to hang out with one of them during chapter 2, you gotta shove yourself into their discussion. idk I’m such a sucker for Gonta and Kokichi being friends … ugh chapter 4 emotionally wrecks me everytimeeee …) 

It is interesting that Gonta is well aware of why Kokichi wanted Gonta’s help, and shows that, even before chapter 4, he has been on board with Kokichi’s plans of his own volition. Without the FTE, the story makes it appear Gonta was completely strung along blindly by Kokichi. Yes, it is likely that Kokichi realized that the best way to get everyone in a group is to tell Gonta they all hate bugs. But it seemed Gonta was thinking hard of some plans with Kokichi beforehand with the goal of showing everyone the motive videos.

And yet, even though Gonta demonstrates having the same understanding as everybody else, how come everyone is convinced that he is too incompetent to make his own decisions? Well, it definitely doesn’t help that Gonta is usually the first one to criticize his intelligence before anyone else, having been completely convinced of his inferiority even before entering the Ultimate Academy. 

Idk but to me, I feel like Gonta’s constant over-critical view of himself is often overlooked and never fully addressed by anybody else in the cast. It is depressing to me that nobody had ever truly noticed how these thoughts influence Gonta’s actions, and the longer they were left unaddressed, the more they festered. I believe that it is this feeling of incompetence that pushed Gonta to kill. Not some personality change, but Gonta’s own character flaw finally coming into fruition. Where characters like Shuichi and Maki have developed over the course of the game into better characters, there are tragic characters like Gonta who fall due to their tragic flaw. It is his self-loathing that I think is the cause of his descent and drive to enact the plan in chapter 4.

I mean, his final line in the whole game is:

“Gonta is so sorry … for being stupid!”

Ughhh … It hurts smmmmm he deserved none of this, especially that brutal execution :(

(The disrespect of the writers paying off Monophanie’s weird incest baby side plot during Gonta’s exectuion smh … the disrespect makes me so upset … at least his execution music is a bop) 

Yes, technically that is Alter Ego Gonta’s final line, but like I argued previously, I believe that is essentially Gonta. And in Gonta’s final moments, he believes he has truly failed everyone due to his persistent feelings of inadequacy. He feels both stupid for the plan forcing him past a moral breaking point in killing Miu and that he could not even complete the plan correctly. (I’m sobbing over the fact this is the final line for him T___T)

However, these final words almost parallels Gonta’s introduction during the prologue, showing that this descent in his character had hints dropped from the start.

As Kaede walks up to Gonta for the first time, she mentions feeling a bit unnerved, and the first-time players may also have the expectation that Gonta would be an intimidating musclehead judging from his huge physique. Maybe like a Nekomaru/Sakura kind of character.

Until…

“... Hm? Oh! Thank you!”

[Kaede] “Huh? Thank you?”

“Oh! Sorry for scaring! Gonta scary-looking. Most people not wanna talk to Gonta when meeting for first time. So, like gentleman, Gonta say thank you! Thank you for talking to Gonta!”

AHHHH MY HEART MY GUY IS LITERALLY THANKING KAEDE FOR EVEN TALKING TO HIM WHY IS HE SO SWEET (sorry sorry, I’m already distracted)!!

But right away, Gonta’s first act is to apologize for his appearance - Almost like he comes full circle, Gonta’s first bit of dialogue is him apologizing for scaring Kaede and the last thing he says is an apology for failing everyone. 

Anyway, Gonta apologizes based on his perception that he looks scary, something he (accurately) assumed Kaede felt. So apologetic that he even thanks Kaede for even talking to him. As explained later during his introduction, Gonta has always been called scary at a young age, so his negative concept of himself is already well in-grained into him. So Gonta from the start has a very poor self-image of himself. It is why he constructs the goal of being a ‘gentleman’ something he reflects his ideals onto. 

As stated in third FTE:

“Gentleman behave like like a gentleman! Kind, earnest, refined, polite … Oh, and gentleman always treat lady with respect. That very important”

He does go on to list some other attributes, which are more so based on the people he looks up to than the definition of gentleman, but his goal remains the same. Gonta is constantly striving for a perfect standard, which for anyone, is impossible. Gonta has this pillar of perfection (Which he already is ofc >///<) that he constantly compares himself to. Though played off as a joke, during this same free time event, when he mentions other ‘traits’ of a gentleman, such as saying clever things and solving mysteries, that are clearly based around his classmates. It shows how Gonta looks up to his classmates, believing that he should be able to do all the things they can do as well. Gonta believes his friends are all closer to being the standard of “gentleman” more than he is, deepening his inadequacy. 

As revealed in his fourth FTE, his rich and esteemed human family flat out rejected him after being raised 10 years in the wild:

“So they get mad at Gonta. Say Gonta not worthy of family name. They blame Gonta’s forest family. Say it their fault.”

Gonta’s upbringing is rough man, with being isolated as a kid only to be dismissed by your human family once he returned. Once again, Gonta brings up not being ‘worthy’ of the family name, showing how Gonta is demeaned for who he is, likely regarding his intelligence and ignorance to social life. As such, he makes the resolve to be a gentleman to satisfy his human family. So not only does he think himself below others, he is constantly striving for an impossible goal. 

With his low view of himself, it is seen throughout the entire game that Gonta is constantly apologizing, even when he is unknowingly helping the group (For example, finding the manhole in chapter 1). He doesn’t believe himself to ever be intelligent enough to help, constantly striving for it but believing he is always coming up short. Out of everyone in the cast, Gonta points out his stupidity the most, and honestly, I can’t put every example here because we’ll be here all day. But it is disheartening watching Gonta never be willing to accept himself as competent, choosing to apologize first as he believes anything bad that happens (and this game sure does have a lot of bad things happening) is due to his own failings as a person. 

For him, his first priority when the killing game starts is to protect everyone. And I want to emphasize the word protect. Gonta believes himself to have very little that he can offer to the group, but with whatever he is able to do, he is more than willing to throw himself and give it his all if it means helping everyone. At any opportunity where he believes he can help, Gonta will take that action. He does it because he doesn’t believe he would be able to help out any other way because of his perceived ‘stupidity’, so Gonta always attempts to take the initiative and do what he is told. And when he fails in that action, something he believes is the only thing he would be able to do to help, he believes he is a failure and it is his fault when something he couldn’t prevent occurs. 

Another point I would like to mention is his emotional outbursts. Likely due to growing up with no social convention put in place, Gonta gets emotional quickly, as seen in his introduction when he believed Shuichi may not like bugs. Paired with his great empathy and he is likely the student who takes each death to heart the most. 

Sorry about this getting into a Gonta character analysis. I wanna make sure I get across how I believe this character is written and I wanna stress Gonta is not by any means intellectually challenged, but rather suffers from a very critical view of himself. This is the fatal flaw that ends up pushing him over. So with this disaster in the process, let’s see how it spirals >:)

The Downward Spiral

That’s right, baby >:D 

I’m going to go through all the chapters until the virtual world and highlight key points that I believe show the mental state Gonta was in to commit the crime. So strap in, folks, this is gonna get long :)) 

… 

Though this is small in the grand scheme of things, during chapter 1, Gonta shows dismay since he wasn’t able to stop the fight between Ryoma and Rantaro in the dining hall. 

“O-oh … Sorry. Gonta not where he needed most …”

Yeah this is minute, but establishes Gonta is quick to blame himself for the issues between others. 

During the strategy meeting set up by Kaito in the Game Room, Gonta was one of the participants. I think it only makes sense that Gonta will be a part of something if it means he can help. But during the investigation for Rantaro’s death, Kaede asks why Gonta was alone in the AV room, with Gonta explaining:

“Gonta happy to be invited to meeting. But Gonta think he not be much help, cuz he not smart … So Gonta in here alone, watching bug movie!”

I totally believe I am looking too deep into what essentially was a red herring, but it is the first example in a pattern I notice with Gonta. Gonta did join the strategy meeting. Yet due to believing he would be useless, he strikes out on his own (To watch the most inspiring movie of them all, Bee Movie starring Jerry Seinfeld lol). Gonta decided to be alone for his own plan to help because he believes he would fail the others. This could connect with him growing up isolated in the forest, being cast out by kids his age for who he was. Gonta is used to sticking to himself when stressed, thinking he would fail people in a group setting. That anxiety overpowers him, so he while he takes a proactive step, he usually does so by himself. However, this ended up screwing him over in the end in making him appear more suspicious. So yes, this really is just a fun joke in the game to pad out the first class trial’s time, it is indicative to the actions Gonta will take later on as in the next chapters. 

Also during his interrogation in the AV room, Gonta says this when trying to prove his innocence to the group:

“But … you guys not gonna believe Gonta, huh!? Cuz Gonta so big and scary-looking, huh!?”

[Kaito] “C-Calm down … You’re making a really scary face!”

“Cuz … Gonta feel so useless!”

Even though Rantaro’s death was nothing to do with Gonta, he still blames himself for the tragedy. He thinks it is because he wasn’t present during the strategy meeting, he caused this to unhold :(((

But I think this shows that Gonta wished he actually collaborated with everyone else instead of being alone. And we will see this new drive to help others in their plans in chapter 2 and 3, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.  

One last thing in chapter one, when Kaede is about to be wheeled off to her execution, Gonta is one of the three who at least attempt to stop it and face off against the Exisals. We see that Gonta is willing to put himself in danger for the sake of others, and he does value his strength greatly as an asset to make him useful. Once again, Gonta will take action whenever he can, unflinching of what it could do to him. 

After chapter one, the killing game has officially begun, and in Gonta’s eyes, he believes he has already failed to protect two of his friends. 

Ahh chapter two … hmmm now what did Gonta do in chapter two - THAT’S RIGHT, LET’S GO, INSECT MEET AND GREET TIME WHOOOO (random titbit - the lie bullet for “Insect Meet and Greet” is called “Insect Flee and Plead” HONESTLY THE LIE IS MORE ACCURATE THAN THE TRUTH)

Gonta took the deaths of Rantaro and Kaede with a lot of guilt and sadness, and in some part, believed he should have been able to prevent it. Though Kokichi does rope Gonta into listening to his schemes at the start of the chapter, I do think Gonta agreed with the motive video sharing idea. As I stated previously, in the FTE for Gonta, Gonta acknowledges Kokichi’s goal and is helping Kokichi brainstorm. In my eyes, I see it as Gonta again trying to take initiative to protect his friends (like watching the bug movie to motivate himself to fight), agreeing with Kokichi’s plan as he wants to be useful with someone else this time. Last time, he went at it alone, so this time, he will make sure he follows along with Kokichi to stop the motive together.  

After torturing getting Kokichi to like bugs for a night, we arrive to the morning of Himiko’s magic show. As everybody watches in tense anticipation for Himiko to get out - The red flags waving like crazy - Gonta says:

“Uhh … Gonta starting to worry. Should we do something?”

When the timer hits 20, Gonta then leaps out of his chair and rushes over to the tank to save Himiko. Against Angie’s protests, Gonta argues:

“B-But … If Gonta do nothing, Himiko get eaten by piranhas -”

As this plays an instrumental role later as a clue to the piranha tank trick, it makes sense out of anyone for Gonta to be rushing ahead to stop the act. Notice how Gonta shouts about how if he does nothing, Himiko would be killed. It is another prime example of Gonta taking action to stop a death, believing it would be his fault if he did nothing (Even though, once again, Gonta couldn’t have done anything in this situation). Gonta never is a bystander during the killing game. He is always, in his own ways, trying to take steps to protect his friends.  

But it is all in vain, with Ryoma’s body being found in the tank instead. 

During the investigation, when asking Gonta, you are met with his crying sprite with him saying: 

“Gonta coulda saved him … No, Gonta shoulda saved him!”

Where last time during Rantaro’s body discovery, Gonta was more in shock. However, the fact that it happened again is deeply upsetting to Gonta. The whole reason he agreed to Kokichi’s plan and also interrupted Himiko’s show was to prevent something like this to happen again, only for Ryoma’s body to be found dead. Here, not only does he think he was somehow capable of preventing Ryoma’s death, he corrects himself to say that he was also responsible for stopping it.  Even if that meant putting his life in danger (Jumping into piranha-filled water), Gonta believed he should have done so anyway, apologizing to Shuichi and Kaito for being a coward. Gonta puts a heavy pressure on himself for things outside of his control, which definitely does not help alleviate any of the stress in a killing game, only doubling it for Gonta. Not only does he deal with the pain of losing his friends, Gonta’s high standards of himself make him feel even more guilty. 

Out of everyone in the cast, Gonta appeared to be the most affected by Kirumi’s reveal as the culprit (I mean, Gonta did want Kirumi to be his mom lol). When Shuichi accuses Kirumi, Gonta is the first to react in shock. He agrees with everyone else as they start to doubt Shuichi’s accusations. But once it is confirmed and we arrive at post-trial, Gonta asks Monokuma:

“Can Gonta be blackened instead of Kirumi?”

[Shuichi] “What?”

“Gonta … Not smart boy, but even Gonta understand what everyone is saying. Kirumi should live, not Gonta! World needs her!”

Though it goes unaddressed in the chapter, it is a recurring toxic trait of Gonta to constantly use himself as the shield to protect others. And here, he quite literally believes he has less worth than Kirumi, which is why he should die instead. Gonta clearly is fond of Kirumi, and his protective nature is sparking him to act, pushing him to ask the question. He wants to save Kirumi and everyone else, and because he believes he is stupid, he is convinced the action he must take action now is to die in Kirumi’s stead. It is Gonta who instigates the other students to surrender their lives, and though Kokichi points out that Kirumi steered the group in that direction, Gonta is the one who brought it up first. Because that is Gonta’s character. Yes, Kirumi may have relied on the knowledge that Gonta would be willing to do anything to help everyone else, but Gonta is not gullible for falling for it. It is just how he thinks unfortunately, which Kirumi only could hope would get him to make such a request.

To Gonta, his life only has value if it is to protect others, and he seems willing to throw it away now, especially under the extreme stresses of the killing game. That is quite a drastic measure under normal circumstances, but Gonta is starting to become desperate due to his attempts earlier this chapter have failed in stopping anything. Though it is his own life, it shows Gonta is willing to risk a life if it means protecting everybody he loves. 

But … unfortunately, Kirumi is executed, regardless of Gonta’s push to change the outcome, leading to now four deaths Gonta believes he should have stopped. Despite all of his actions in this chapter, nothing stopped his friends from being killed horrifically, and the pressure is only further mounting on Gonta. 

Chapter three rolls, and though I will get to Gonta and the student council, I would like to point out some dialogue during the exploring segments of the game. 

[Gonta] “Anyway, if you find dangerous area, come get Gonta. Gonta will protect you!”

Though he offers it with a wide smile, Gonta wants to be always present in case something dangerous could happen to everyone, willing to risk his life if it means helping others. 

After receiving the Necronomicon as the fresh, new motive, Gonta is quick to wonder if that means all the deceased are actually alive, citing the courtyard message as a connection. And ofc Gonta would make the connection, since he truly wants to believe that all his friends are alive and he hasn't failed them yet. This prompts Angie to thank him since he provided a plausible evidence to justify Angie using the book:

[Angie] “Nyahaha! You’re so smart for telling us, Gonta. You’re a savior to those four people.”

Angie had perfectly pinpointed what Gonta would want to hear in that moment, being told he is smart (The one thing he has said time and time again that he isn’t) and that he is a savior (affirming that all of his actions were not in vain). 

Ignoring the logistics of how Angie managed to hug Gonta (I would like to believe the student council all volunteered to be Angie’s step stool lol), Angie says the precise things to win Gonta over. 

[Angie] “You work so hard, Gonta. You’re always trying to keep everyone safe. Even when you go berserk, you’re still considerate of everyone else, aren’t you? I know this … because Atua is always watching you.”

It may seem that Gonta fell for this because Gonta is just gullible and would fall for anything Angie would say. But in my opinion, Angie does tactfully alleviate the exact concerns Gonta has been worried about throughout the whole game. No, Gonta doesn’t want to hear praise or recognition for his efforts. But he does want to have confirmation that he is on the right track. And Angie says exactly what Gonta would want to hear due to her ability to manipulate, not because Gonta is naive. When Angie says that there is Atua, a god that is watching over Gonta, it provides Gonta with some relief from his own guilt. He is provided a safety net that if he follows Angie’s commands, he can prevent more suffering once again. Though he does mainly abides by Angie’s wishes throughout chapter three’s daily life, he does so because he believes he finally has a set purpose. He even asks when given the offer to join student council: 

“... You need Gonta? Okay! Gonta join student council too!” 

Gonta is actually in disbelief that Angie has found him useful enough to join the student council. And since he looks up to Angie like he does with everyone else around him, he wants to go along because Angie/Atua must know what is best for Gonta, right?    

The next morning, Gonta covers up the manhole, all in attempt to stop more misery. Yes, he is brainwashed just like everyone else in Angie’s little cult (aside from Tenko) but I believe this stems from Angie knowing what Gonta needed to hear in his state rather than Gonta just being ‘dumb’.

Gonta finally found some stability and a voice that can guide him to help everyone until whoopsie daisies, look turned out to be dead the next day :D

I’m getting a bit repetitive here, but once again, another pillar for safety, one that Gonta really had hope for, is ripped away from him in an instant. He is seen crying over Angie’s body, weeping at the prospect of her death being a murder: 

“B-but … why would someone do such awful thing!?”

“Well, duh Gonta, you are in a killing game, what do you expect by now?” … Except Gonta truly believed that helping out the student council will be able to set everything right again. But again, his genuine, whole-hearted efforts turn out fruitless. To him, he once again failed to save a friend. 

“If so … Gonta could saved her! If only Gonta saw! But Gonta was sleeping … Sorry, Angie … Gonta no could save you!”

I could only imagine this stung more for Gonta since he went to bed properly to enforce student council rules. But since Angie died at night, Gonta would likely see himself as slacking off in his duty to protect everyone, ending up blaming himself all over again. Just like Ryoma’s death, Gonta blames himself. The mindset Gonta continues to hold on to is extremely debilitating for him to handle, further adding to Gonta’s already poor self-image. (It could explain why he decided not to join the seance, since usually Gonta would be proactive and do anything to help his friends. Angie’s death must have been hard for him to swallow.) 

And just as they all process Angie’s death, Kiyo swoops in with his majestic see-saw murder tric and takes Tenko down with the rest of his remaining braincells. During the body discovery, Gonta straight up just weeps and spouts apologies. He only just enters the room, but already he blames himself for Tenko’s death. 

Surprisingly, where chapter one and two provided sympathetic murders, chapter three throws Gonta for a loop, it being the one time Gonta actually is angered by the killer. 

“Th-that right … Killing two friends for your dead sister!? That … wrong! That so wrong!”

Yeah, you tell Kiyo off, Gonta >:D

Where trial 1 and 2 had Gonta see people he loves die, Gonta always could sympathize for the killer. Yet, at least in my interpurtation, I think Kiyo’s trial showed Gonta the murderous intent hiding amongst his peers. Though, I might just be reading too much into it. But if I am correct, Gonta would be disheartened that someone he could trust like Kiyo would kill with such little remorse. 

And here we are, chapter four. 

A little recap of Gonta’s state leading up to this chapter: Gonta shows time and time again to make attempts to help everyone, either alone or following a leader like Angie or Kokichi. He takes proactive steps to protect the people he cherishes, but because of factors of his control, nothing he has been able to do can stop his friends from dying. However, due to his low self-esteem, he instead blames himself for everyone’s deaths and grieves the loss of the seven students (Well … idk about Kiyo lol) greatly. So like a cycle, Gonta feels ever more useless as more and more people die around him without him being able to control or stop it. 

Okay, chapter 4 time let’s go (sobs)

After Kokichi swipes the card key and Kaito bolts after him, the conversation between the seven remaining students continues. When everyone takes turns to praise Shuichi, Gonta says: 

[Gonta] “Shuichi is so amazing. Gonta wanna be useful to everyone too.”

[Maki] “Don’t worry. When the time comes, we’ll use your body as a meat shield.”

[Gonta] “Okay! Gonta hope time come soon!”

Oh buddy … You really don’t want to hope that …

It seems ever since Kirumi’s trial, Gonta has been more and more willing to use his life to protect the others, this being the second time he has been fine with being used a meat shield (The other time being chapter 3, during the exploration segment). Being that Gonta thinks he’s useless (Admitting in the dialogue above that he strives to be useful to everyone), he is beginning to value what little he does have to help the others. And yet, it barely goes addressed amongst the students how much Gonta is okay with throwing his life away. 

In his final FTE in chapter four, when approaching Gonta in the AV room, he will say:

“What can Gonta do …  to be useful for everyone? Gonta think he could protect everyone … in underground passage. [...] Gonta … no can take it anymore! Gonta not wanna lose anyone else!”

As mentioned in the dining hall scene earlier, Gonta did open up the manhole once again, believing he could be used as a meat shield in the underground passage. Similar to how Kaito becomes desperate in the next chapter, Gonta is now ready to do anything because he swears he will not lose anyone else. Right now, his goal to have everyone escape due to Angie’s plans of staying idly in the academy only led to her death. So in Gonta’s eyes, escape is the only option he has to save everybody, not keeping them trapped in a killing game where murderous intent can fester, like Kiyo. By chapter four, after the loss of three people in the last chapter, Gonta has reached his breaking point in how many deaths he can deal with.

I do love his final FTE, even though with what we know happens in this chapter, it is clear that with Shuichi’s words or not, Gonta is dead set on his self-destructive goal. 

(But something I just love in the final FTE is that Shuichi affirms to Gonta that he already is helpful 

[Shuichi] “I don’t think you need to work so hard to be a gentleman. You’re already incredible.”

[Gonta] “B-but, Shuichi! Gonta must become gentleman! For forest family”

[...]

[Gonta] “But … Gonta no help to anyone right now.”

[Shuichi] “You are! You saved me before, remember? I almost fell down the staircase!” (referring to first FTE where Gonta catches Shuichi from falling down some stairs)

[Gonta] “Oh!”

[Shuichi] “Gonta … you’re a more amazing person than you think you are.”

[Gonta w/ a crying sprite] “Sh-Shuichi!”

Ughh this entire interaction just warms my heart, especially now sifting through how much grief Gonta goes through the game and how often he self-deprecates. And the fact he grows emotional when Shuichi motivates him, maaan he really needs a hug. I just needed to show this.)

Moving along, when Shuichi heads out to meet up with Kaito and Maki at night time later, Gonta does intercept him before he goes:

[Gonta] “Oh, Shuichi? You should go back to room. It’s nighttime.”

[Shuichi] “Ah, it’s just that … I promised to meet up with Kaito and Maki …”

[Gonta] “O-oh … Um, Angie’s gone, and student council not around anymore … But Gonta still think it best to not go out at nighttime. Cuz Ryoma got killed at nighttime. And Angie, too.”

[Shuichi] “That’s true … But the promise I made to Kaito is really important to me. I can’t break it. I promise, I’ll go right back afterwards. And I’ll make sure we stick together.”

[Gonta] “... Gonta careless just now. Gonta not know you make such important promise to Kaito. Gonta … so useless.”

[Shuichi] “No, no! Not at all, Gonta. Don’t worry about it. We all know how much you care about us.”

[Gonta] “...”

[Shuichi] “Gonta?”

[Gonta] “Shuichi, Gonta come to decision!”

[Shuichi] “Huh? What have you decided …?”

[Gonta] “Um … well … Hmm, actually … Gonta will tell everyone tomorrow, when everyone together.”

Now this alludes to Gonta’s plan the next morning, but let’s break this conversation down. At first, Gonta still brings up Angie’s idea of prohibiting people from walking around at nighttime, a line of reasoning which makes total sense, especially since Angie proceeded to die at nighttime as well. How come nobody in the student council other than Gonta bring up and try to enforce the rule after Angie died? Because out of anybody there, Gonta truly wanted to take initiative and saw the student council as an avenue of doing so. He saw the logic behind Angie’s rule and followed through with it because she isn’t exactly wrong (Having everybody forced to sleep at the same time could decrease a killer being able to freely roam). 

But after Shuichi mentions his promise to Kaito, Gonta grows despondent, calling himself useless for somehow failing to notice that Shuichi went to see a friend (Again, not his fault in the slightest). When Shuichi assures him that Gonta shouldn’t worry, Gonta becomes silent, contemplating, and judging by the fact Shuichi has to ask Gonta’s name, he must have grown quiet for a good while.

I think this is the key moment where Gonta shifts slightly as a character. Where before he wanted to have more cooperative solutions like joining Kaito and Kokichi’s strategy meetings in chapter 1 and 2, and then joining student council in chapter 3, he has realized that he must stop the game alone. He realizes quietly to himself that he alone has to stop the killing game, and with his self-destructive tendencies having been built up for the past chapters, he will make his own plan. He has come to a decision where he will end this by himself, no matter what.   

Now let’s see what Gonta’s decision is . The next morning, the dining hall is in uproar: 

[Gonta] “But we gotta do it! If not now, then when!?”

[Tsumugi] “L-Like I said before, it’s reckless! There are still two Exisals, right!?”

[Gonta] “Gonta know that … but … Watching friends disappear … Seeing everyone get weaker … Gonta no can take this anymore! That’s why Gonta go fight Monokuma!”

Just like Tsumugi said, this is beyond reckless for Gonta to do. But Gonta illustrates his thought process clearly: He can’t stand being useless anymore, not for a second longer. The build-up from the chapters have been clear from the start, with every action Gonta takes failing in the end, more bodies are piling up. And ofc, Gonta blames himself. 

When Himiko explains further that it is reckless, Gonta acknowledges it:

“Gonta know it reckless … but it only way to save everyone. Waiting around, doing nothing just make more victims … That why Gonta risk his life! Real gentleman would risk life! Gonta gladly give up life to save everyone!”

Gonta really can’t take it anymore. He needs to act. Now. He will do something, even if it is on his own. For someone so gullible, Gonta has become ironclad in his resolve, not succumbing to any of his self-doubt in his plan nor is he relying on someone else anymore. This is the clear set-up to his actions in the chapter, Notice how he fully acknowledges what he is doing is reckless. But he believes it is all he can do. His decreased value of himself and his inferiority to everyone else around him makes him fully willing to take his own life if it means he will do the right thing in his eyes.   

But thankfully (or un-thankfully if you really think about it) Miu intervenes before Gonta can go through with his plan with her own brilliant idea: The Virtual World. So with all of this recap and build-up underway, it is all about to crumble when Gonta is exposed to the truth.

III: 'Stupidity' is Bliss, After All 

During his time in Virtual World after being exposed to the flashback light, Gonta almost never speaks, and when he does, it is usually one phrase and some ellipses with a sad looking sprite. He is seen following along with Kokichi, rushing ahead with Kokichi in silence towards the chapel. When deciding on splitting up in the chapel, Gonta says nothing, just agreeing when Kokichi recommends coming along to the mansion. He uncharacteristically lacks any of his usual questioning nor enthusiasm. Though when they are about to split off in the mansion, Gonta is about to take his leave:

[Gonta] “... Gonta go now.”

[Tsumugi] “It’s surprisingly cold out there, so be careful. You should come back here to warm up.”

[Gonta] “Thank you … but Gonta okay. Gonta not smart enough to get sick.”

[Kaito] “Someone who isn’t smart wouldn’t want to save everyone … They’d only think of themselves.”

[Gonta] “Oh … thank you.”

Ouch ... looking back at this knowing it is the last interaction Gonta had with the group while his hands still were clean … maaan. This seems like the one time, at least to me, where Gonta accepts the compliment of his intelligence rather than denying it. He appears shocked, especially with how much Kaito’s words ring true for what Gonta is about to do. In some ironic way, it affirms to Gonta that he has to be doing the right thing … right? He is doing this to save everyone. He doesn’t want to kill Miu for himself, he’s doing it for everyone else. After all, Miu is the one who is killing for themselves. She will be forced to know the truth if she doesn't get caught. (Hell, during Alter Ego Gonta’s confession post-trial, he literally says “Gonta just … want to … save everyone.”)

Upon first playthrough, I barely even noticed how weird Gonta was acting, since the characters of interest were Kaito, Kokichi, and Miu for me so far. So Gonta being bossed around by Kokichi didn’t strike me as anything unusual. However, now that I look back at it, Gonta being this reserved is actually jarring from what I expect from him. But this is not a personality change, this is the effect the despair from learning of the outside world had on him. 

During the flashback to Kokichi and Gonta out in the woods, Gonta wanted to tell everyone about the flashback light first. But Kokichi asks the weighted question of whether Gonta should trust Kokichi’s assumption that the flashback light holds the secret. 

Now yes, that is manipulation on Kokichi’s part, taking advantage of Gonta here to expose himself to it. However, Gonta was susceptible to it for the same reasons he wanted to fight Monokuma earlier in chapter 4: He has made the resolve to stop the killing on his own. It is not like Gonta mistrusts others, but he wants to rely on himself now. He can’t just stall for time and round everyone up. He has grown desperate and if what Kokichi has been saying is a lie, Gonta does not want to waste time gathering everyone for something that would turn out useless? So Gonta acts, choosing to expose himself to the truth first because he can’t wait around. He has to end this killing game and protect everyone now. 

Unfortunately, he recalled the end of the world and the destruction of humanity. And as Monokuma mentions later, the flashback light simulates a ‘deja-vu’ feeling, so it tricks the brain to think that it experienced the memory before. So it is not like Gonta was just told that the world ended. No, he recalls bearing witness to it with his own eyes. The effect of such knowledge is completely devastating, which we see with Kokichi and everyone else in Chapter 5. 

I think Alter Ego Gonta put his conflict into words best:

“Inside is hell! Outside is hell! What should Gonta and friends live for!?”

Gonta has put so much effort and energy into getting everyone out of the killing game, willing to throw his life away at the sight of danger many times. But it now is all completely pointless, because even if Gonta succeeded in his plan, he would just be sending his friends to an outside that will hurt them all. People like Kirumi and Kaede killed to go outside, and yet in the end, all the deaths were even more meaningless. Their hopes, efforts, and suffering has all been rendered meaningless to Gonta in a matter of seconds.  

Gonta’s sole motivation, his plan, everything he pushed himself to do were all based on his ignorance to the truth. And now that he knows, he can only feel stupider for trying. 

The flashback light puts Gonta through so much pain, and now he realizes that if his friends learned of such a truth, they would all suffer like him. But the last thing he wants is for his friends to feel that pain. He is more than willing to be their shield and protect them. But while before it was the killing game, now Gonta will become their shield and protect them from the despair-inducing truth. 

It is then Kokichi proposes his plan: A mercy kill. A plan that involved Gonta taking the life of everyone else and bearing the brunt of the outside world by himself. In some ways, it parallels Gonta’s decision to take on Monokuma earlier in the chapter, with Gonta recklessly risking his life to the sake of others’ safety. Yes, Gonta may be alone in the end, but at least he finally would be useful to his friends in protecting them. Except with Kokichi’s mercy kill plan, it has twisted to become the inverse, where Gonta protects everyone by having them be killed while he sacrifices himself by living his life in an apocalyptic Earth alone. Just like much of his life, Gonta will end up alone and isolated from the others. Something he unfortunately is used to. 

Throughout this essay, I have been emphasizing the word “act” and “proactive”, because that is what Gonta has been doing. He is constantly shoving himself into plans. He doesn’t want to sit back until he is finally ‘useful’. He wants to be constantly of use to someone, to prove that he can be relied on. Because that is what gentleman does. 

So here Kokichi is, relying on Gonta to commit an action to save everyone. And Gonta in chapter four has mentioned that he is at a breaking point, that he can’t take any of this anymore. He had tried to act before, but they all failed. So, with the weight of the despair heavy on his shoulders, he fully accepts after Kokichi explains his plan. Kokichi did rely on knowing how Gonta functions to get him to agree, but it could only be Gonta who would have agreed to it. 

But not because Kokichi thinks Gonta is dumb. 

During the fourth trial, after Kokichi finally name drops Gonta as the culprit, Himiko is about to argue that Gonta is not smart enough to commit a murder, only to be interrupted by Kokichi the moment she is about to say the word smart. How come out of any of the points Kokichi could have interjected, it was Himiko’s?  

It is because Kokichi knows that out of anybody there, Gonta wants to end the killing game, and unlike Kaito, Gonta has shown to be desperate enough to act on that goal whenever he can. Kaito constantly talks the talk but he sure as hell never walks it. Kaito says what is inspiring to the group, but when it comes to a concrete plan to end the killing game, Kaito is too straightforward to think of something. Meanwhile Kokichi has noticed Gonta’s attempts before, especially with his decision in chapter four. So when Himiko is about to call Gonta stupid, Kokichi interjects due to that be completely false. Gonta has thought through so many ideas and plans throughout the entire game. Yet, everyone else fails to recognize that because of their poor understanding of Gonta. 

(Personally, I think Kokichi could notice such a thing due to his distrusting nature. With him being a foil to Kaito's belief, he must doubt everyone and everything - It is what allowed him to learn more, at the expense of being the asshole of the group. Whenever Gonta claimed he was dumb, Kokichi's first instinct is to doubt that, possibly thinking Gonta might be trying to lower Kokichi's guard. So Kokichi keeps careful watch of Gonta, realizing Gonta is not what he claims he is)

He is a fully capable student nor was he tricked into this. There is nothing naive about Gonta’s intentions here: This is completely his volition in taking part in the plan. 

To provide a crappy analogy of how I think Kokichi’s manipulation went, I’d say think of it more like Gonta is walking down a road and has reached a fork in the road, one left and one right. And say Kokichi, for some odd reason, really wants Gonta to go down the left side. Now, if Kokichi were to somehow directly shove Gonta down the left path, you can’t say that it is Gonta’s decision to go left. That was directly Kokichi involving himself and forcing Gonta to make a decision. This kind of like what Kokichi does in chapter 5 with Kaito, blackmailing and forcing Kaito’s hand at the prospect of Maki becoming the blackened (Though I do think Kaito did end up agreeing with Kokichi’s plan to end the killing game, but he needed an extra push into that direction). 

Rather, it is far more indirect. Like as if Kokichi just built a huge, shiny sign at the intersection that says to go left. Now people could look at that sign and choose to ignore it (Probably Kaito, who only goes right out of spite for the sign lmaoo). But just because Gonta is the kind of person who would likely follow the sign’s direction, he decides to go left. See, Kokichi did set up the decision for Gonta to make, but Gonta, at the end of the day, made that choice because of who he is as a character. 

Then again, that is a gross simplification but that is how I see Kokichi’s extent of manipulation. He provided the plan and Gonta agreed with it because he wanted to act. The events of the killing game have slowly been chipping away at Gonta, so now that the opportunity has provided itself, Gonta takes it willingly. Yes, this action may be to kill Miu, but it is something Gonta can do at this point. He needs to have control to protect everyone.

Gonta killed because of his own tragic flaws of constantly looking down on himself. This constant inadequacy forced him to need to prove himself as useful. Coupled with his strong sense of selflessness, it becomes clear that Gonta killing is fully in character for him. It is built up from the start, and the stresses of the killing game fostered an unhealthy mindset that everybody’s deaths are his fault. So he grows the most desperate to put an end to everyone’s misery, no matter what becomes of him. 

Almost similar to Kaede, if only Gonta had been a bit more selfish, he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t feel the need to protect everyone from the truth. It may seem like Gonta would never hurt anyone, something he claims during the trial, but Gonta’s main goal is to protect them all from danger. So if that means he has to hurt something to protect the people he cares about, then he will do it. 

Where the fanbase fails Gonta

So why did I do this? Why did I … checks word count … WRITE 10K WORDS (holy crap I rambled a bit too much) JUST TO ARGUE THAT GONTA WORKS AS A KILLER. 

Well, I think it is because the fanbase overall has been guilty of simplifying and dumbing down Gonta’s agency. Now, that’s common enough. I mean fanonized characters are only natural, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I suppose my issue lies in the overlooked aspect of how much Gonta had a say in his decision.

Yes, Kokichi plays a major factor in this, and I am biased to not place all the blame on Kokichi. But the reason I wanted to prove Gonta’s motivations is because I dislike the notion of Gonta being treated like he is solely a gullible person, who just was under some kind of influence (Whether that be Kokichi or the personality change or despair) to commit such an action. Gonta is like everyone else as in he is fully capable of committing a crime when the right pressures are applied. And like most killers in this franchise, Gonta inevitably fell victim to his most toxic tendencies: His self-loathing and selflessness culminating to a self-destructive level. 

I like Danganronpa for how it twists my understanding and perception of characters. So having trial four counter my belief that Gonta as this sweet character and reveals the deep guilt and pain Gonta has been harboring throughout the game is fascinating to explore, it makes me love him all the more for being a three-dimensional character with a complex motive built from his own flaws. As much as argued why Gonta did the mercy kill, and as I do understand the motivation behind it, I still think it is not the correct thing to do in this case. By no means am I condoning Kokichi and Gonta’s actions, only understanding why they agreed to the mercy kill plan.

But much of the discussion around this case is “I will never forgive what Kokichi did to Gonta”. As if Kokichi did something so drastic that it pushed Gonta like this. No, Gonta’s fall was set up from the start slowly. Kokichi didn’t trick Gonta, but he did initiate the plan for Gonta to carry out

But Kokichi has more blame since he instigated and thought of the plan, with the meeting the Monokuma, luring Gonta out, and introducing him into the plan. But Gonta chose to go with the plan because he believed that was the right thing to do, he also has some fault in this. It is not solely Kokichi’s fault just as it is not solely Gonta’s fault. In my eyes, both played a part and agreed in Kokichi’s morally dubious plan.  

But at the end of the day, trial four was just an emotional trainwreck for everyone involved. We see Alter Ego Gonta fully accepting his punishment, saying;

“It’s okay, Kokichi. Please let Gonta sacrifice himself … for everyone’s sake. That’s all … Gonta can do anymore …”

Like always, Gonta is concerned about what he can do for others, and now, with nothing, he will give up his life. He can no longer fight the killing game, he’s given up fully into despair. And thinking that the others may try to interfere and get killed, Gonta takes the punishment willingly, guilty of his actions and deciding to succumb to the rules of the killing game if it means the least amount of suffering overall. During his final moments, Gonta admits he is not scared, he only hates himself for not being enough. 

“Gonta love you all …!”

“Gonta is so sorry … for being stupid!”

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Chapter 12 Reactions: Mando goes on a self care sidequest with friends and now the Razor Crest can fly again

- before we talk about ANYTHING else I have to mention once again: 

shut UP they have a statue for IG-11 in the town square!!!!! right outside the school like he’s guarding it!!! I am  c r y i n g

- that opening scene was Everything; I have had exactly this type of conversation with my dad so many times when I was a kid and he was fixing up our about-to-fall-apart house (though he’s an electrician so he wouldn’t have let me within fifteen kilometers of anything electrical that was still powered lol. it’s okay tho let’s just assume that star wars tech has extra fail safes for these things that we don’t, the baby is clearly fine)  

callout post for Din Djarin: does not own furniture, literally sits on a crate in the middle of the cargo hold to eat dinner, has presumably been living like this for decades, help him 

them sipping soup perfectly in sync 😭😭😭 (for some reason I find it so funny that din lifts up and then lowers the helmet for every mouthful fsaldkfhjsadfh it’s such a... I almost want to say dainty? way of doing it and my heart is full of so much affection)   

I wonder if they’ve been eating together like this for a while or if it’s din doing just a tiny bit of testing his boundaries now that he knows there are different schools of thought on the helmet thing to see how he feels about it? the baby is extremely curious, but that could also be because he’s seen people take the  helmet off completely now and made the connection that presumably his dad has a face above the chin under there too lol 

-

grandpa greef... things I didn’t know I needed but am delighted to get

the way the mando music goes soft and relaxed and almost playful when din spots greef and cara? fcking kills me ludwig göranson going for my throat once again

 - 

“hmmm why isn’t this working... the puppy eyes usually work on dad eventually this is unprecedented & concerning” 

a baby committing baby crimes through the force and getting away with it mostly scot-free... delightful, wonderful in every way    

‘batuu!’ ;_________; baby has a word for food?

- 

din’s Dad Instincts kicking in... I’m emotional over how casually protective he is with things like this, and that he showed signs of it even before meeting the baby (he’s also the last one to stay behind on the platform to make sure the rest of them make it out safely before they start running.... your honor im love this man more than anything he is Dad)

that soft steady protective-but-not-possessive masculinity baBEY 

- I am entranced by the difference between din’s fighting style in the last episode -- when he was continually on the back foot and out of sync with the people he fought with -- and in this episode, where he’s back in one man army mode. (he does take on sort of a protective role when he fights with friends -- he’s not quite fighting with them all the time he’s more like a shepherding dog circling them and making sure they’re okay lol) turns out he fights much better with -- for! -- people he actually trusts and knows and likes and who aren’t manipulating him huh :)   

- the mythrol dude says in the first episode that he’s a ‘fledgling’, and it makes everything about him so much funnier when you assume he’s his species equivalent of a teenager/twentysomething fsdfsdjkfhsd (he oh so 100% sold din out at the beginning there tho :( the most charitable interpretation is that he didn’t quite know the scope of it -- he did seem just as surprised as the rest of them that gideon isn’t dead, so maybe he thought that weird alien mechanic dude wanted to know about the crest for more mundanely nefarious reasons?)

they are kind of shitty towards him tho I feel a bit bad for him haha 

- at least din knows moff gideon is still alive now and can take appropriate precautions as far as possible? on the other hand he doesn’t know about the tracker and I am so scared help  

- man I wish gina carano wasn’t such a godawful person so I could appreciate cara dune’s overarms and interesting character development in peace but as it stands... yeah 

- @ all the people whining about when we get to ahsoka... meet me in the ring for dishonorable combat I am smol and sort of skinny these days but I have decades of pent up rage and no compunctions about fighting dirty on my side lol 

listen... I love ahsoka as much as the next person, but we already have two shows’ worth of content for her. just let me have my thirty minutes a week of slice of life dad and baby nonsense without it being overshadowed by Plot and more established characters okay (and also if the rumours are right about who is going to play her... double  y e a h  that’s going to be fun to navigate emotionally :/)    

- I actually really liked that they went back to nevarro to answer some old questions (where did those empire dudes even come from?? what’s going on with pershing and why am I so weirdly happy to see him again when clearly he is bad news??? what do they need the baby for exactly? how are cara and greef but mostly greef now sadly doing?) and update that whole storyline a bit, while opening even more questions. also stop midichlorian-counting yodito’s blood you fucking creeps

the (likely) midichlorian mention didn’t bother me that much because this show already thrives on the tension between the mythic and mystical and the weirdly mundane and realistic, it’s the one star wars thing I trust to handle the Force the same way without losing the magic of it

- seeing the armorer’s forge like that was honestly upsetting to me haha, I know the forge isn’t what makes her what she is but still 

-

greef karga is a huge bitch and I like him so much

I do like greef’s character growth, though -- it feels a bit like some older and more idealistic (well comparatively) part of him has finally gotten out from under the empire’s boot and restored itself, it’s sweet. he’s doing administrative things that have the whole town blooming! there are plants and living things thriving there now! he wants to establish a safe trading hub!

- f for this poor harried new republic officer, captain carson teva, who along with trapper wolf is apparently responsible for policing the entire outer rim haha

I like the complicated tension between him and the other characters here -- both sides have very good reasons to hold the points of view they do and it’s easy to see why it’s so hard for them to work together but at least this guy is trying to be fair about it     

- the way they all immediately agreed when din went straight into ‘get. baby. NOW everything else is secondary’ dad mode and let him go off on his own even tho he would probably have been real useful to have around T______T friendshipppp 

baby FINALLY strapped in securely I gave a little shout of triumph haha

the way he was like ‘free cookies! (everything’s free if you steal it #baby yoda life hacks) helping dad with stuff! high speed dog fights! BEST! DAY! EVER!’ through the whole scene right up until he was finally sick but it’s okay because dad is here and will fix it even while he’s driving... don’t even look at me I can’t 

- din being in a much more stable and happy place after going to friends for help (and the way it’s reflected in his ship! my theory still stands strong haha)....... mngh im not crying give this man some community he so clearly needs it 

[washymylifeaway]

SunaOsa fanfic recs: valentines edition~~

SunaOsa is one of my all time favorite ships and this past month, there has been/was an exchange going on between writers (here is the link) and artists (separately) and because I don’t have a life (or maybe it’s just that SunaOsa is my life LOL), I’m here to tell you some of my favorite fics from the pile :D However, as much as I love a ship, sometimes fluff is too asajndajnd so mind you there will probably be a lot of good fics missing just cause I couldn’t get myself to read more fluff (or angst) LOL (IM SORRY but sometimes I also just can’t motivate myself to read a fic no matter how good it looks OOPS).

As always, please check warning and tags before reading any of these fics, and take care of yourselves!!!!

In no particular order (jk the order is last updated haha) tho my favorites will have *** next to them :)

***glass stained black by unrequitedangst (E) 31k // Mafia AU’s are some of my favorite kinds of fics, and this one did not disappoint! The character development of Osamu is really legit and despite being mafia, it’s not that heavy or angst of a fic (but you should still definitely read tags and warnings first). It’s an Osamu heavy fic, and if you’re into reading him being stupid, go right ahead LOL.

redux by catalysis (T) 2.3k // ngl I hate break-up fics with a passion truely (when you can’t handle fluff or angst what to do) but I liked the concept for this one hehe (so I made myself suffer LOL). It was short, but cute !!! and the unspoken words really hit me in the FEELS (so what I’m dramatic fight me LOL).

Impropriety by DeathBelle (T) 5.7k // royalty~ I love the banter between them in this fic and we DO stan respectful Osamu yes we do <33333 The relationships between not only SunaOsa but SunaAtsu (because even though it isn’t really SunaAtsu best friend agenda, I can delude myself into think it is okay :/) are done so well and so nice he’s mean Osamu is best Osamu.

***what are you waiting for? by Slumber (T) 3.7k // MIGHT BE MY FAV FIC FROM THIS EXCHANGE!!! It made me cackle and I love how they learn new things about each other!!!! Like the development is so good and Suna is really doing the MOST!! Also, I love recursive endings AHHHHHH!

agape by sketchedsmiles (T) 11.7k // soulmates, then they were SOULMATES! (ik that’s not how it goes but pls just humor me LOL) This fic really depicted Osamu’s insecurities/internal turmoil/overthinking really well and the realization he has vs Suna’s AHJAFKASFJ. I love confident Suna.

fireside by tartaglia (starkartifices) (T) 3.6k // we do love the subtle flirt flirt don’t we hehe ;) It’s short, it’s fluff, and it’s funny - what more could you ask for? Also whats a vigilante fic if there isn’t at least one pun about being a vigilante LOL.

Over and Over Again by tookumade (G) 6.4k // I would like to order one reassuring, reliable Miya Osamu for myself please and thank you :((( The way the relationship is so GOOD like both Suna and Osamu pick each other up and they know the other has their back ajfhkajdfl. I would purchase all the onigiri with the deal Suna was proposing ;) Onigirintarou.

from here to eternity by TheGlovedArtist (T) 6.6k // I for one am a big fan of mythology and stuff (heroes of olympus but like IDR any of the plot LOL) so of course I read this fic. The snark appearances of Sakusa and Komori gave me LIFE and the difference in descriptions from Astumu and Kita cracked me up. This is another respectful Osamu fic (yes I love these) and in this one it was a ‘I save you as much as you save me’ type beat LOL. Gotta love rings.

***Subtle Inarizaki Dating by sifuhotman (T) 15.2k // THIS ONE. Even if you don’t read the whole thing, I beg of you, please, I AM ON MY KNEES, read the SID for Astumu. It is worth the loss of all your brain calls I guarantee it. It made me giggle so freakin much. Suna might be an A-Hole but he’s OUR A-Hole <3

Forever Begins with 8 Seconds by subtlehues (T) 3.9k // FLUFF hehe, I love their dynamic in this one it’s very good and cute and everything great! Also, I am all for the head cannon that Suna cannot cook, yes pls. Also SUPERPOWERS whooooooooh.

***try again, and again, and again by rosegoldwriting (T) 2.6k // SOULMATES! If you ever wanted a specific soulmate AU! for SunaOsa look no further, it probably comes out LOL. I love this concept of them just being like ‘WTF’ everyday, it gives me life. Also, count how many soulmate AU’s you recognized because I just thought about it and I think it’d be fun LOL. (I went back and I think 11 but I’m not sure LOL)

let us burn by SilverMoonT (G) 13.5k // I am always up for a nice vampire Osamu and witch Suna (which believe it or not, is my second one because I read the other one by this writer LOL) This one is more Suna POV and it really goes into his fears and desires, and I like the way Osamu pushes him to live more freely.

***reasons to microwave an elixir by spiritscript (T) 8.2k // THIS ONE. UGH I love, and it’s funny and cute and it EVEN HAS CRIME (kinda not really but yes)! I love the quiet moments they have and the PET AHHHHHHH! We love medic Osamu :DDDDD But also the betrayal and the sparring (and the irony at the end LOL) AJSKJNFK.

we fall between by stringendos (T) 14.7k // honestly the entire time I was just screaming at my computer, begging for them to hurry up and realize, but alas this is a ~slow burn~ for a reason and the tag ‘exes who act like theyre married’ really is the reason I read it and I do not regret LOL. Also bless Matsuda and stan her.

All the Time in the World by minie_ai (M) 8.8k // we love immortality! Denial! And Suna mentally filing away blackmail against people (namely Astumu) LOL. Running away from your problems is always the answer (I am saying this is a not sarcastic manner because I too, run away from my problems LOL) but ramen is ALWAYS a good answer. We love ourselves some emotional constipation LOL.

***none but you by broikawa (T) 7.2k // everything is a competition always LOL, not that I’m complainin but still LOL EVERYTHING. I really love this one because I love the progression and cock-block SakuAtsu hehe. I love them being synchronized idiots <3

it all comes back to you, (my home) by iritaescents (T) 4.5k // FOREVER, WE STAN FOREVER. Anyway, LOL this was is very very cute and fluff and not slow burn, it fast burn LOL. It’s a cute fic to read and it even has our favorite, now say it with me SOULMATES LOL.

Can't help falling in bed with you by tirralirra (T) 6.7k // here we see a 5 + 1 with points for the title (I think it’s very funny LOL my humor is bad ;)) Not that it really needs extra points because it’s a great fic in itself LOL but I really liked the title so I felt the need to share this with you all (OOPS). This was so cute, and the + 1 is HILARIOUS.

It’s no longer up :(((((( -> love's consequences by xginpuff (T) 6.5k // WARNINGS AND TAGS been a while since we had an angsty fic in this list (LOL the way I just tried to avoid all of them hehe). I read the tags but ngl I was still surprised later LOL maybe I’m just dumb, but anyway IK it starts out a bit confusing, but after you read more, you’ll get into it!

***sunagashi by bastigod (T) 9.8k // if there’s anything I like more than mythology, it’s folklore LOL. I love this fic and the plot is written so artfully AHDSAJN. Also the scene with the Ume-chan and her comment (so snarky I love). Also they way I went through so much trouble trying to figure out the kanji LOL (SPOILER it’s miyarin hehe)

catch me (while i'm still runnin') by lunarins (T) 4.3k // first and foremost, may we have a moment of silence for Komori and his eyebrows..... Continuing, this fic was so good because I love a good heist hehe. Their slight of hand abilities really doing the most LOL, and the ending OMG. I love the way the writer added in how they appeared to others during the heist, it really made it so good! Ugh to have a painting class and almost die LOL.

***if we get this right by Slumber (G) 5k // OLD FRIEND plsplspls I love this fic and I love how Osamu slowly relearns who he knew Suna as AHHH. The ending, again UGH, I really loved it and their banter with one another.

The Study of Suna Rintarou by DeathBelle (T) 6.1k // PLEASE the way Osamu kept getting offended omg. But also the effort Suna puts into getting to know Osamu, I was in ~love~. Read to me Osamu, READ TO ME. But also the Osamu is an oblivious MF agenda is alive and well within this fic hehe.

Take a Hint by pancake_surprise (G) 2.3k // ok so I had just read a tumbr post about the one bed thing and then I saw this fic. It was like the stars aligned okay? I was like, ig I HAVE to read it now hehe. But seriously read it, it’s cute and like everything else, of course there’s a challenge to be made LOL.

Heatwave by pancake_surprise (G) 2.1k // the way they were dating without knowing they were dating man. The tag ‘Didn't Know They Were Dating‘ more accurate than the ‘first dates’ one LOL jk but actually tho am I kidding? It’s the first official one IG. LOL anyway, we do love the doin of the defining of relationships. Yup.

If you made it all the way down here, CONGRATS LOL. Like I said, I didn’t read all of them (sadly) and these were the ones i did read LOL. I might add more depending on whether I can motivate myself into reading fics I know will be good LOL so we’ll see heh. Honestly, I thought I was gonna get word counted, but YAY we finished (for now hehe). Also sorry for any possible typos (is this no beta we die like men?) I’m running on 90 min of sleep so my engrish be strugglin LOL. Be safe and wear masks :)

[distfae]

SOO whos alive in the roleswap au and whats up with them

definitely not alex sphene or peridot lol no, no

Respectively replaced by chryso, topaz and bluzo

Bluzo and topaz are teamed up and work with wood stuff, chryso continues alex’s work of documenting lunarians and sunspot variations

Just like them, GHOST IS DEFINITELY NOT ALIVE, NO NO

Lapis is alive though!!

Yeah ghost got decapitated and their head’s in a fancy box so like

lapis just works in the library

wow what a boomer lol

Lapis ends up becoming whoremea’s bitch. rip for him bc they’re a mouthful

OG Morga and goshe are still dead as a doornail

new morga/goshe are still themselves haha

morga becomes a skateboarding god on the moon. what an icon

euc and jade basically stay the same ig, euc is president and jade is secretary

jade gains more power after the night raid happens and basically becomes the president-but-not-really-president

Padpa is doctor and still has their holes. remember this is a swap of roles not a swap of conditions

Rutile is their assistant in case they like faint or someth

Rutile still spends time gathering inclusions for padpa in case it happens

with this in place padpa is asleep for less time and usually wakes up within the next day

Rutile goes to the moon to find a cure for padpa (without their permission lmao). does padpa go feral? eh no not really

bort... yeah they go to the moon. they realized the impact of their actions towards them and dont want to cause them any more distress. they want dia to be their own person, so they think the best way of doing that is taking themself out of the picture

Dia loses part of their leg fighting antarc. they find some sort of inclusion to replace it. no hair cutting today no no

bort also becomes an. idol. probably involuntarily.

yknow maybe they’re an MMA fighter on the side i wish that would fit in with this au but it doesnttt wwww

but hey!! they dont lose any of that hair!! ugh that beautiful hair

ok now the thing with yellow and zircon

zircon goes to the moon. Their reason? they want to find out what happens to the gems when they get taken away in place of yellow bc they care abt yellow and their trauma of losing so many partners over the years

Zircon is chosen to fight in the night raid, they aren’t really digging that. Yellow sees them as an enemy now which really fucks over with them

Now ZIRCON is a depressed bitch on the moon and feel that they’re never allowed to return and consider themself a gem anymore because of how yellow acted

now thats what i call a pro gamer move

idk this part still needs more thought??? put into it so this might change in the future

Nepuchi goes to the moon with Chryso and becomes their assistant!!

Yeah anyway that’s what i have so far. i guess this thing is more of a partner roleswap i guess haha i hope you like EDIT: HI i updated morga/goshe theyre still dead lmao im just really salty that ichikawa didn’t make hemi/melon’s role in hnk more dynamic but w/e also fixed the yellow/zircon situation

[sendo-k]

hi tiny update lol im not dead but im probably experiencing one of the longest artblocks ive ever had, it’s been over 2 weeks since i drew anything im proud of, so yeh again im going to plug my ig(sendo_k) bc it’s p much the only place where u can find out if im alive bc i post on my story, i do rt things on twt but i dont think that tells much lmao. so yeh have a nice day and im sorry for my lack of creativity :”D

[alukaforyou]

hiiiiii friends just wanted to give yall a smol art update and say hello (hewwo?) to the sudden influx of new followers omg :’^)

🌹two (2) new draws coming soon, like in a few days 🌸small coloring/painting tutorial by request also coming this week! 🍰two (2) illusts!! scheduled for the near future

aaaaaand for the new peeps, HI im alu / alulu & i love pink lol i mostly draw anime but since im p busy w. uni rn i keep my blog alive by reblogging a bunch of memes, art, and aes stuff✨

u should maybe check out my other draws if u havent already😂 TY & have a nice day!!

💕twit / ig: 163cmclub / inprnt