#high elf ranger who is APPARENTLY bad at TALKING

[lvllns]

a new pretty boy enters the chat

[crystalelemental]

Okay, wife's on the controller but I did some testing in the character creation for Class of Heroes, and while this is fairly preliminary, I'm ready to talk initial thoughts.

This game is, at present, not particularly good. At all. I understand it's basically a faithful rerelease of an old game, so jank is to be expected, but I'm kinda floored at how bad we're talking sometimes.

The biggest issue is that it is hilariously wasteful of mechanics. When you make a character, you select gender, race, and alignment. You get a set amount of Bonus stats, determined upon hitting Enroll, and based on all of these factors, you select a class. So for instance, the base classes - Warrior, Mage, Priest, and Thief - only need one stat at level 12. Easily achieved. Then you have slightly more advanced classes, like Ranger, who seems to be the next step up on Thief. At the very least, they have the same level 1 skill that implies thief skills. They require not only stats, but also your alignment must be Neutral or Evil. So if you put in for an Elf with a Good alignment, please disregard that bow in their portrait, you may not have a Ranger Elf, and that's the only archer class. WHOOPS. This gets super granular with the latest classes needing a ton of stats, specific gender, and specific alignment. It is wildly specific.

To make matters worse, you might think okay, Bishop requires 13 in both magic-related stats, and either a Good or Evil alignment. Clearly, this is the blended class for Mage and Priest, right? Wrong. If you somehow manage to get this out of the gate, You will get just the healing magic. Not the offensive. You don't know this until you've done it. And the only way to do it is to roll a high Bonus points to allocate.

But wait, there's more restriction! Let's say you realize that later classes aren't good until later, and opt for basic classes out the gate. You decide that ranged weapons, like Bows, are absurdly expensive (we'll get to this), and want back row mages to cast. Well that's great, let's set up some magic! Gnomes have high Int, they'd do well. So you allocate Mage, and you get Fire, the basic offensive spell. Great! So okay, you have three back row characters, let's get one more Mage. So you go alright, let's try Fairy or Elf. Those are traditionally magic-aligned classes, surely they'll be able to-they don't learn Fire. They can learn useless options, but they can't learn Fire. So they cannot contribute to combat ever, being on the back row without offensive spells, and unable to afford ranged weaponry. Apparently, your spell list associated with each class is restricted based on race. You will not know this until you've one it, and check what spells are acquired. Getting higher-tier stuff with access to those spell types does fuck-all, near as I can tell.

The only benefit I can find is that it's really easy to reroll for high Bonus numbers. Mostly, it'll give between 6 and 10, but sometimes you'll see like 16-18, and think okay yeah, big money. No. No, that's not the big money. Rarely, you will see 26-29. And in one blessed instance, I saw 37. Which is great. Without a clear means to reclass, at least not easily, you may think that it is beneficial to allocate these points in a way that allows early access to stronger classes. But, as mentioned, you'll tech into Bishop and find out oops, no offensive spells, and then high physical defense enemies just wall your entire team. I'm not sure about this, but something increases EXP needed to level as well. I thought it was stats, but did some tests and it is not. I made the same character over and over with different Bonus values, and the difference between 6 and 37 bonus points was 0EXP. So there's no reason not to just reroll for bigger bonuses. But I assume class increases EXP. I do not know that for certain.

Okay, so that out of the way, how about the gameplay?

Dungeon exploration is immediately concerning because there is no map. You need a spell that will only temporarily reveal what the map looks like. Hope your memory is strong, or your team is big enough to not need to worry about encounters. Which. Mine have not been. I had similar difficulties with early game of my first Etrian Odyssey, so better understanding of systems might help, but right now it's a mess. I've legitimately considered dropping difficulty to Easy just to manage.

Drops are random materials, which are unknown until you identify them. This can be done one of two ways. If you have a specific class or character, either Gnome or Bishop but assuming Gnome, you can identify for free. But it can fail, and if it fails too often they get performance anxiety and can't cast for a while. Which is. So great. Or you can pay for it. Guaranteed success, but the cost to identify is the same as the selling cost, so you make no money off of doing this. Best of all, you cannot sell unidentified materials. So you are required to do this. I assume it's percentage based odds to succeed, but when an identification failed, they got scared really easily and I never saw an initial fail run into success. Like, ever.

Speaking of, money is a nightmare of unspeakable proportions. Apparently the devs are fans of Genealogy, because every character has their individual funds. This can be pooled to a specific character or redistributed evenly, but that kinda makes me wonder why that mechanic exists at all? Like, I can also just give items to others, so trade is free. I don't like it in Genealogy, but at least money was reasonably plentiful if you did all your Arena grinding and the pawn shop meant decisions had to be made. This is just free and therefore meaningless. More pressing, however, is that you start with no gold at all, random encounters are giving me only 1-2 gold, and materials are basically unimportant. The only way to make money is to find Ancient or Magic Coins, which are...100 to 150 gold at the current Bronze level. For reference, when I unlocked Ranger, I attempted to get a bow. 3200 gold for just the bow. You pay for ammo separately. I cannot even remotely afford that.

This could be mitigated if money were easily acquired, but grinding is very, very hard to do. You have spell slots, usually 3-4 casts of a particular magic type, before you're completely spent. Which means your healing situation is brutal. Frontliners are the only ones who can attack regularly, the back row needs those ranged weapons. So what winds up happening is nothing gets done. You go in for a little bit, fight a handful of fights, hope to god you got a coin or two so you can afford literally anything, then go back in. There is synthesis, but that's also random. You can find recipes, but near as I can tell, unless you get the specific things you're after, all these materials just take up space. I am dreading the moment it tells me "inventory full."

Lastly, I want to mention something that is so inane, it actually had me break down into fits of nervous laughter on audio last night. After much back and forth, I finally achieved one (1) level up. Excited to see the deal, we proceeded to go through each stat individually. Strength up! Int up! Wisdom down! Agility up! Luck up! HP went up by 1!

...I'm sorry, back that up a second. Did you just say Wisdom down? Are you actually telling me, in complete sincerity, that my stats went down on a level up? Are we serious? I have never, in my entire life, seen anything like this. I've seen stats go down with things like reclassing, but to have a level up occur and be told that any stat went down is so baffling it loops right around infuriating to hilarious. How in the fuck did my stats go down? I have so many questions about this. Is it stats not aligned to your class? I went for late game classes, maybe the early game ones are going to have more stats go down because I tried to roll 20+ bonus points on everyone and they're considered unnecessary. Maybe it factors in specific skills, like if we only attack on the frontline then we don't need spells? I have actually no idea, and am horrified by what I may uncover.

The bottom line is, game kinda sucks right now. This is some premium jank, and I am not yet attached enough to feel endeared to these systems. I'm going to keep at it, but no promises. If I continue to not get a foothold on it, eventually the other game I ordered will arrive, and I can't promise not to jump ship.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Silver is the New Sexy (Kili x Reader)

Requested by: @elles-writing

Heyy, I've seen your asks and requests are open, so I thought I'd send request in. Can I request Kili x female reader, where the reader looks older than is hers actual age, and being insecure about that, so Kili comforts her?

AN: Here you are!! Hopefully I captured it right! ☀️

It was one simple task. ONE. Of course, that meant nothing, when said task was to be completed with Dwarves – especially the Erebor strain.

Y/n had always looked older than she actually was. It never bothered her much, growing up, for it allowed her, Kili and Fili much access to restricted liquor. However, now that womanly aesthetics, and the desire to posses them, had sunk in, she despised it above all else.

As a precursor to finding a contingent group of Dwarves, to aid in the journey of reclaiming Erebor, Thorin, rather reluctantly, mind you, had allowed the youngest four of his company to set off on their own mission.  

It seemed simple enough – extract information from a few rangers at the Prancing Pony Inn. However, as mentioned before, when travelling with Dwarves, nothing was ever simple.

Walking into the tavern together, Kili, Y/n, Fili and Ori soon found the rangers. They brooded in a corner, and spoke in low whispers. A classic aesthetic, Y/n thought. She was already bored of their antics.

Walking into the tavern together, Kili, Y/n, Fili and Ori soon found the rangers. They brooded in a corner, and spoke in low whispers. A classic aesthetic, Y/n thought. She was already bored of their antics.

Now, being the only girl in the group, Y/n felt it her duty to carry out said flirting.

Whipping her head all around, as to let her locks fall loose, Y/n made herself more presentable. Kili watched on, with an evident swallow of his nerves.

Quickly creasing his brows, he held her arm in place, as to stop her preening movements.

“Perhaps we should organise another plan,” Kili said, speaking to the group as a whole.

“We barely organised this one,” Fili pointed out, glancing between his brother and Y/n.

“I agree, besides, we have no time left to think of a new approach,” Y/n added on, looking over her shoulder.

Clenching his jaw, Kili slowly let go of Y/n’s arm.

Shaking her hair out one last time, and smoothing down her tunic, Y/n turned around to face the boys.

“Okay, how do I look?” she asked.

“Good enough to talk to some sleazy men,” Fili remarked.

“You look most lovely, Miss L/n!” Ori asserted, nodding his chin high in resolution.

“Aw,” Y/n cooed, placing a hand over her chest. “There’s nothing better than being complimented on how good you look, when it comes to manipulating men.”

Jealous of the attention she gave Ori, Kili quickly darted his eyes between them both. He then landed them on Y/n, and sputtered a response aloud.

“Indeed! You look like a prostitute!” he attempted to flatter.

An awkward tension quickly befell the four. Y/n creased her features, and pressed her lips into a tight line.

“Well, anyways…” Y/n quickly changed the topic, turning on her heels. “I ought to get started. Thorin wants us back very soon in the morning.”

“Good luck,” Fili whispered, pushing her along by her back.

Watching as the girl weaved in and out of the tavern, the three boys stood in a line.

“Prostitute? Really?” Fili flatly repeated.

“It was all I could think of!” Kili defended himself, with a folding of his arms.

“You’ll never braid her hair at this rate,” Ori remarked, pursing his lips to one side.

Scoffing, Kili sent the youngest Dwarf an offended look.

“Be quiet, you,” he said. “You’re not even old enough to court!”

“Exactly,” Ori knowingly replied, “but YOU are, which makes it all the more sadder that you can’t even compliment her.”

Growling, Kili rolled his eyes.

“Just you watch,” he said, nodding his head resolutely in Y/n’s direction. “By the time we reclaim Erebor, Y/n will have a thousand braids in her hair!”

“No doubt,” Fili said, smirking. “However, we’ll just have to see if you’re the one to put them there!”

As Fili and Ori fell into snickers, Y/n made her way on over towards the rangers. At the same time, a nearby bartender, cleaning a tankard, eavesdropped on the Dwarves’ conversation.

“If you’re sending that lass on over there, to use her womanly charms on that lot,” he spoke up, “then you’re in for a rude shock.”

All turning their heads over their shoulders at once, the three boys furrowed their brows at the taller, and older man.

“Why’s that?” Kili asked.

“Let’s just say,” the man began again, chuckling, with a raise of his brows, “that those particular rangers like their women the way they like their bounties; above eighteen-years-old, and men.”

As the realisation slowly dawned on them, the three Dwarves widened their eyes. In unison, they each all quickly shot their attention back up front. They then observed Y/n attempt to flirt with a group of men most inclined to not find her attractive.

“We have to save her!” Kili frantically said.

“Aye, already on it!” Ori answered.

Looking all around themselves for the shorter Dwarf, both Kili and Fili were confused, as they found him nowhere in sight.

Lifting their heads, they each groaned in anxious dread. Ori was already making his way on over towards the hidden table, as to take Y/n’s place in the position of flirting.

Hastily, the brothers ran after Ori, for they knew one of them had better handle it.

“Are you sure?” Y/n confusedly asked the table. “B-Because I’m offering? You really aren’t interested?”

“Look, lady,” one seethed, squeezing his tankard tighter. “Whatever you’re selling, we don’t exactly have the currency for!”

Afraid they were poking fun at her appearance, and not at all realizing their underlying subtext, Y/n hardened her features.

“Well, no need to have your heads so far up your-“ she had gone to say.

However, Ori had swiftly jumped in, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Woah, woah, woah,” he calmly said. “What seems to be the problem here?”

Y/n didn’t know if the question was directed at her, or the table. Though, before she could figure it out, Ori had directed his attention at the men, whose eyes all brightened at the sight of the young Dwarf.

“Well, well, well,” one man said. “And who might you be?”

“Ori,” he replied, smiling brightly.

All at once, every man on the table turned their attention to Y/n. Before she could question aloud, Ori had placed a façade on, and scowled at her.

“Get out of here, old lady!” he shouted, understanding the table’s silent thoughts.

Dropping her features, Y/n gaped down at Ori. Old lady? What? She was barely a few years his senior!

Sensing an underlying charade nonetheless, Y/n scoffed in offence. Glaring down at Ori, Y/n warned him both in and outside of the game.

“Alright, but this isn’t over,” she lowly warned.

With that, Y/n gave a gulping and tightly grinning Ori a threatening raise of her brows, before she left the table.

Rushing past both Fili and Kili, with a clearly set jaw, and angered gaze, Y/n made her way towards the wooden steps, which led upwards to the rooms.

“Are you alright?” Kili asked in concern.

“Wonderful,” Y/n tightly replied. “Just apparently look as old as an Elf, without the charm.”

Watching, as the young woman headed upstairs, both Fili and Kili glanced between one another. The older brother then slowly bared his teeth in wincing cringe, and hissed.

“That’s your chance, if you’re wondering,” Fili advised, nodding his head between his younger brother, and the stairs.

Gulping heavily, Kili looked up the steps once more. Setting his jaw, he too ascended them, with only the thoughts of Y/n on his mind.

~

Sat on the bed, with her legs folded beneath her, Y/n held a mirror. She inspected every fine line, and little feature, which made her appear older than she actually was.

With a growl tearing through her throat, she threw the mirror across the bed.

At that moment, a small knock had come from the door. Turning her head, she glared at Kili, though, she meant him no harm.

“I’m pretty sure that’s bad luck,” Kili remarked, pointing at the now cracked mirror.

“It makes no difference to me, and my cursed genes!” Y/n complained, using a fanatic hand gesture to elaborate. “Can you believe what that little horse turd said? He called me OLD LADY! I’m barely older than HIM!”

“He called you an old lady?” Kili snickered, trying his hardest to bite back a grin. However, his humour did not slip Y/n’s attention.

“What? You think this is funny?” Y/n seethed, deepening her glare.

At once, Kili’s features dropped, and he turned ghostly.

“No, no! Of course not!” he promised, quickly crawling into the sheets. “I would never think you silly! Or your skewered vision of yourself…”

“My what?” she bit back, growling at him.

“I-uh! Just mean, that you…well, you know,” Kili fumbled, trying to come up with an elaborate answer. “You’re already so pretty, I just don’t understand why you’d fixate on small details?”

“The small things add up,” Y/n replied, pulling at the skin surrounding her eyes. She completely missed his compliment – too caught up in her own insecurities.  

“Well, yes, they do,” Kili lightly chuckled – reeling it in, however, the moment Y/n’s burning gaze snapped to him. “Look, Y/n…I just don’t think you should waste so much energy fussing over your appearance. So, you look a little older than what you actually are, so what? It’s paid off before, has it not? Many in the company take you seriously, more than they do me, Ori or even Fili!”

Nodding her head from side to side in thought, Y/n considered his words.

“Besides,” Kili casually pressed on, with a drawl of the words, “aging isn’t a terrible thing in itself. In our lifestyle, it’s a blessing to have made it so far, as to even develop silver hairs, or fine lines in the first place!”

Knowing his words were true, Y/n allowed a chuckle to break through. She dropped her head, to stare at her legs, and racked her shoulders with every little laugh.

“Yes, that is true,” Y/n laughed.

“Exactly!” Kili pressed on, pointing across at her.

Studying her features, Kili warmly smiled. He then reached a few fingers into her hair – the hair he craved so deeply to braid – and twirled the strands around.

“And anyways…silver is the new sexy,” he allusively drawled, waggling his brows up and down.

Before she could laugh at his flirtatious comment, she gasped. Reaching her own hands up into her hair, she yanked on the locks.

“I have silver stands?!” she exclaimed in horror.

Keeling back in laughter, Kili quickly shook his head.

“I’m only teasing!” he promised.

Now, slowly allowing a smirk to grace her features, Y/n playfully glared at Kili, and punched his shoulder.

“Not nice,” she remarked.

“No, but you are,” Kili said, in a completely earnest voice, as he revered her with adoring eyes, “to look at, I mean.”

Softly smiling back, Y/n observed her own friend. How lucky was she, to have such a dear companion in her life? She never had to feel insecure when he was around, for he saw past the very same things she scrutinised herself for.

“Thank you, Kili,” she quietly said, feeling a whole lot better.

“Of course,” he replied, smiling in response.

If he thought she was pretty, then she thought so too.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 9

Bad Kids Family Reunion

Can you believe we’re on our last episode for the year? I feel like we just started! We may not have another episode until January, but we left off on a doozy this week so let’s get going. This ep is basically split into two parts: The bulk of the Bad Kids in the Land of the Lomenelda and Adaine in Catheldriel Tower. In the ep, we go back and forth a little, but I’ll just summarize each part separately to keep things simple. 

Lomenelda Family Reunion

As you probably remember, last week the group decided to teleport to the Land of the Lomenelda because Catheldriel Tower was too secure to get into directly and because The LotL is both close by to the Tower but also the ancestral home of Fabian’s mother’s side of the family. 

Once they arrive, they see it’s basically the most stereotypical elven forest ever. Pristine woods, beautiful animals, haunting music. Fig puts a clove cigarette on the ground as an offering to a deer that she thinks might be her creature (which she still hasn’t paid for as far as I know) which brings out an elf named Telemien to tell her to stop littering. Telemien is very Elrond-esque and he has all the classic elven traits--long-winded, breathy speech, weirdly inflected words, turning into sand to be dramatic. He also happens to be Fabian’s grand-dad. 

Gilear rolls very well on his diplomacy check and, combined with the fact that they’ve brought family, the group in welcomed into the forest with open arms. Fabian fills his grand-dad in on why they’re in his neck of the woods and Telemien informs him that the Abernant family has been disgraced, Adaine’s mom was found guilty of treason (though he doesn’t know the exact crime) and fled, and their land has been seized by the Court of Stars. While the Lomenelda are generally apolitical, Telemien doesn’t have a problem saying that he has a low opinion of the Abernant family and Anguin especially is an amoral, power-grabbing, sonuvabitch.  

Riz, who is shouldering the entire responsibility of keeping the Bad Kids on task since Adaine is currently locked up, rolls to see if anything weird is going on in the forest and we learn that the Lomenelda basically just drug their teenagers with magic grapes and sad music to keep them chill and not horned up (something he finds iffy until a day of herding his friends towards a very time sensitive rescue mission at which point he’s like maybe this guy is on to something). Still, Riz warns the group against eating anything, which is always a good rule of thumb when you’re dealing with fae-adjacent nonsense (and Kristen does ping faint fey/celestial energy when she casts a Detect Evil and Good).

Fig and Riz are willing to leave for their rescue mission pretty much right away but the group decides to get a full night’s sleep first so they can regain spell slots and stuff. Ragh goes to flirt with some elf teenagers and Tracker reminds Kristen that they need to have a chat vis a vis Garthy and Sandra-Lynn. So, four episodes after the fact, Kristen finally tells Tracker that Sandra-Lynn hooked up with Garthy but she does it in such a blase and offhanded way that I assume was an attempt to sell it as not a big deal to Tracker to prevent a trip to the doghouse. It’s not the strategy I would have suggested and clearly the dice agree with me because she hits double Nat 1s on her persuasion roll. Tracker gives her another shot to give the real reason why she kept the info from her (besides “I didn’t wanna tell a lot of people,” which is such weaksauce). Kristen says that “so much was happening” and just Tracker stalks off. 

Fig, having seen Tracker leave in a huff, asks what just went down and Kristen tells her. Fig takes Kristen’s side and is appreciative that Kristen was willing to let her mom’s business be her own business. Kristen decides to give Sandra-Lynn a heads up that Tracker knows what she did. Sandra-Lynn is distraught enough about the situation that she makes the mistake of briefly giving Kristen whisky before wising up and sending her to the Van, sans alcohol.  

Fig talks to Gilear who, if you remember, also noticed that something was up with Sandra-Lynn and Garthy. Fig doesn’t give details but basically confirms it and says that at least he can take solace in the fact that him getting cheated on was probably more on her than because of anything he did. Gilear responds by telling Fig a little about Sandra-Lynn’s short-lived adventuring career: Apparently, Sandra-Lynn was a rising star in the adventuring world back when she went to Aguefort but her career was thrown off the rails when she joined a party as a replacement and ended up romantically involved with one member of a couple. The couple was very powerful and the one she was with didn’t treat her very well. Eventually, she was kicked out of the party and her name was smeared by the couple. After that, she couldn’t really find another party to join which is why she works for the Ranger Corp now. Gilear knows who the couple in question is but declines to tell Fig.

And the Kristen/Tracker trainwreck continues. Kristen gathers flowers for Tracker and finds her sulking in wolf form. Kristen did a decent job on the flower picking but whiffs her persuasion roll with another Nat 1! Tracker says that Kristen is always going off about being introspective and doing the right thing, but sitting on this, paralyzed with inaction was just as much of a wrong choice as taking an action and, also, it just plain sucked. Kristen kind of tries to “yes, dear” her way through the lecture but then gives Tracker the flowers in such a way that implies that eventually Tracker will get over it which Tracker does not care for at all. She stalks off for a second time.

Fig decides to tell Telemien that Gilear is dating Hilariel (his daughter) and they leave to take a walk and talk about poetry. Gorgug (who is very exhausted by all of the elven nonsense going on) goes to the Van and asks Ayda if she can cast Sending for him to Zelda. After accosting him (you can take the girl out of the pirate city and so on I guess) she says she’ll do it for 150 gold. The message essentially says, “Hey. We’re safe. Sorry about screwing up. I’m working on it. Miss you.” He rolls Persuasion with disadvantage and a 12 gets him left on read all night. 

Tracker has cast the Moon Haven spell and everyone (except Gilear) piles into the Van. Kristen, who’s sleeping alone tonight for obvious reasons, walks into Ragh’s room and sees that he has brought a high elf teenager. She quickly leaves to give him privacy and then decides to take Adaine’s room for the night. While she’s awake, she notices that Gorgug is still awake too. He says he messaged Zelda and he hasn’t gotten a reply yet. Maybe it’s a time zone thing? Kristen is pretty sure it isn’t a time zone thing. Gorgug also notices that Kristen came out of Adaine’s room and not Tracker’s. They hug it out over both being in the doghouse with their respective partners.

Fabian, who had previously failed his Con save with an 8, gets to re-roll because of the super fine, elven forged, 800 thread count sheets he brought into the Moon Haven (that Riz refused because it seemed inappropriate while Adaine was in jail) and he got a modded 20, finally getting over his levels of Exhaustion. Our boy isn’t back to his old self but he’s getting there.

In the morning, Riz is very anxious to leave and very over all the elven and Bad Kid shenanigans. Ragh is also very ready to leave, but that’s mainly because he wants to escape his (first ever) hook-up who is a liiiitle too into him being a half-orc if you know what I mean. Kristen decides to give one of her classic, patented, inspiring speeches which is just a glorious trainwreck that’s half public apology, half total ramble, 100% uncomfortable for everyone involved. Then, she offhandedly asks Telemien if he can see Kalina in the photo. He can’t but, guess what? She can. She freaks and asks Tracker to hug her cause she’s freaking out. Tracker obliges until Kristen pushes her luck and asks if she’s slept off being mad at her, at which point she up and leaves for the THIRD TIME. Even Fig is like, “Yikes, girl.”

Ayda isn’t sure if this is a good time (it’s not) but she got a reply back from Zelda. Zelda said that she couldn’t answer because she was at a party and says trying to build a cell tower is crazy. “It’s all whatever Gorgug. I don’t blame you.” The gang walks Ayda through the nuance of the text and why the prognosis is looking negative on the Zelda front. She offers to hurt Zelda for Gorgug. Gorgug appreciates the sentiment but declines. Ayda also says she can research Planeshift for Fig once they’ve rescued Adaine. 

But back to the matter at hand. Telemien explains the defenses of Calethriel Tower: It’s defended by a lot of arcane spellcraft that will protect against most magic attacks but is vulnerable to physical attacks which the elves would see as too base to defend against. All of the defenses are powered by Elemental Pylons (which are basically like power transformers). Also, Gilear tries (and fails) to ask for Hilariel’s hand in marriage by inducing vomiting in himself which makes slightly more sense in context but only slightly. 

When they get to the edge of the valley where the tower is, Kristen sees that the Pylons are pretty far away from each other (like, miles away). There’s no way to hit both towers and then get to Adaine before someone realizing something’s up. The group mentions that they’re also supposed to be breaking out Aelwyn but Fabian is a lot less gung-ho about that part of the plan than he previously was, pre-existential crisis. They talk it out for a while and end up coming up with the following plan: The hirelings will go to one Pylon to destroy it. Gorgug, Fabian, and Riz will destroy the second Pylon at the same time. Once the Pylons are down and the magical defenses are weak enough that they can use magic without it being countered, Fig (disguise expert), Kristen (in case Adaine or Aelwyn need heals, which they will), and Ayda (who has teleportation and invisibility spells) will go in and get the sisters. Then, everyone will meet at the Van and teleport out (or at the very least, get together to plan a different way out). 

Abernant Family Reunion

Meanwhile, in Calethriel Towel, Adaine is having a Day. She’s been put in a Torture Orb which isn’t that bad for the time being but it is very annoying and Boggy is pretty upset. She’s actually not being prevented from casting spells because the elves wouldn’t expect her to have slots yet and she can’t really regain them without trancing. She can sense that the prison is full of permanent magical effects (powered by the Pylons she doesn’t know about) which is unusual since those are really hard to achieve. 

The elves’ hubris in not completely stopping her from casting spells works out to Adaine’s favor. She casts Dispel Magic and needs to hit a 15. She gets a 19 and her orb disappears. Unfortunately, that sets off an alarm. She needs to hide but she’s not exactly Riz. She decides (to my immediate delight) to hide in Aelwyn’s room. She only rolls a 6 but that only means that Aelwyn clocks her when she rushes in, not the guards. Speaking of the guards, on a 15 perception check, Adaine can see that there actually aren’t a ton of security mages. It just seems that way because they can immediately teleport to wherever the problem is from these doorless archways. 

Anyway, Kier rushes in with some green, 8ft tall, magical construct guards. As she does so, Aelwyn motions for Adaine to stay silent. Kier asks Aelwyn if she knows where Adaine is and Aelwyn basically says, “How should I know?” (which is a question and not an outright lie, smart in case any kind of lie detector spell was running). Once Kier is gone, Aelwyn telepathically messages Adaine (which is a cantrip she’d be able to do even without spell slots) and asks if Adaine has any spell slots left they can use to escape. Adaine says she has 4 first level spell slots and her frog, but her spellbook was taken (as was her jacket). Aelwyn says it was probably taken to the vault on the first floor but it would have been locked down because of the alarm was triggered. Then she and asks if their mom found her and Adaine said she did, briefly.

Up close, Adaine can see more clearly what she glimpsed for a second when she was brought in. Aelwyn is doing BAD. She’s shaking just from the effort of keeping upright and having trouble putting together thoughts. Completely unprompted, Adaine tells Aelwyn that nobody deserves the torture she’s going through and that it’s barbaric and undeserved. Aelwyn immediately starts tearing up (as much as she can being so dehydrated) and says that she can’t remember exactly what it is that she did--both to the world in general and to Adaine specifically--but it was also barbaric and undeserved. She apologizes and is self aware enough to realize how messed up she must have have been that it took months of literal torture to get her to a place where she realized that she had things to apologize for--even though she can’t really remember what they are at this point in her mental deterioration. Adaine, in turn, is aware enough to realize at this point that their parents didn’t just screw her up; they screwed up Aelwyn too by treating her like the golden child. Aelwyn reflexively defends their parents, saying that they tried their best and that they were just trying to make them better by having high expectations but Adaine, who’s had a year of therapy to unpack her trauma, gently rebuffs her. “Expectations without love? What’s that?”

At this point in the conversation, Aelwyn starts repeating herself like an NPC that’s run through all their scripted dialogue options. Adaine realizes but is very patient with her until she’s found and brought back to her cell. However, her cell is close enough to Aelwyn’s that they can message each other. She also uses Ray of Frost in her Orb to make a kind of Slip and Slide to keep her spirits up and she’s able to avoid taking a level of exhaustion in there.  

Later, Kier comes in with Adaine’s dad so they can talk. And by that I mainly mean so he can talk at her because she still wants nothing to do with him. Anguin tells Adaine to stop being stubborn and just do what’s asked of her to avoid execution. She also doesn’t know how he is OK with how they’re torturing to Aelwyn. He says she’s being a drama queen since Aelwyn committed treason and she’s not being literally physically beaten or injured. Adaine starts trying to respond to that and then decides to just demand a lawyer. Anguin thinks she’s being ridiculous because things like lawyers and democracy are Solesian concepts and ridiculous, unlike Falinel’s totally normal system government which involves immortal dancers and moon phases.  

Adaine, in probably the most high-elf-y display we’ve seen from her, formally curses her dad in the name of the seas and the moon and sun. Then she casts Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on her dad (wasting one of her very few spell slots in a very in character way) because she truly cannot help herself. After Kier quickly dispels it, she demands to see the Solesian Ambassador. But you’re a citizen of Falinel, says Kier (though she can’t hide that the threat gets to her a little). Yeah, but I go to Aguefort, says Adaine. As soon as his name is invoked, a hologram of Aguefort pops up like Clippy and says, “Hey, it seems like you’re F’ing with one of my students. Now, I’m the baddest bitch that’s ever lived. Do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way?” Kier smirks and chooses the hard way. The hologram blinks out, an alarm starts going off--

And that’s where we end for the year! 

*Note: Anguin and Adaine also were contenders for Detention and the Honor Roll respectively but it would have been for basically the same things as last week so I chose other people. 

Detention

Kristen for The Worst Apology Ever

I’ve been concerned about this whole Sandra-Lynn/Garthy thing blowing up since it happened, man. I read the writing on the wall. And I knew, if she didn’t get ahead of it, this was gonna splash back on Kristen. And then she decides, not only is she not going to get ahead of it, she’s gonna actively jog further behind it? Truly wild. 

And it’s even crazier because, yeah, it would be an awkward conversation to have but it wouldn’t have reflected badly on Kristen (who didn’t do anything), just on Sandra-Lynn. And, yeah, not great for group dynamics but, you know what’s way worse? Tracker being mad at Kristen AND Sandra-Lynn. Tracker’s not even so mad on her Uncle’s behalf as she is about how Kristen decided to handle the situation which, yeah! Duh! How did you think cutting your girlfriend out of the loop would go?

And, listen, a lot actually was going on. The Fabian ordeal then Ragh got possessed, Riz got ambushed by Kalina, they fought Wicklaw again and Adaine got kidnapped. All of these things happened very close together than they’re all #1 Priority type things. She for sure had time to tell Tracker (and should have) but it wasn’t the most pressing thing going on. There is an apology that includes the words “there was a lot going on” that actually works but DAMN, this was NOT it chief.

Honor Roll

Aguefort for Having his Students’ Back 

Listen. Aguefort is a crazy, mercurial, semi-feral agent of chaos who I would never leave children in the care of.

HOWEVER, when he comes through he REALLY comes through and man did he come through for Adaine.

Of course, it remains to be seen what his help will actually look like but he gets this spot for bringing a spot of hope into a pretty terrible situation in a very cool way. Well, that and the Drama of It All. 

Also, I’m just relieved he’s at least somewhat keeping track of the child assassins he’s sending out into the world.  

Random Thoughts

Adaine Re: Boggy: He’s with me how dare you?

Brennan says near the end of the ep something like, “I didn’t think we were gonna spend a whole episode dunking on eleves,” but, honestly? Valid. I really can’t stand elves in most media (even though I usually play elves or half-elves) because they’re so pompous and holier than thou and constantly talking about how fleeting everyone else's lives are. It drives me nuts. Moonshine in Naddpod is my favorite elven archetype in anything because she totally inverts the trope. 

“I can’t believe I’m half this.”/”You are not half this these are high elves.”

I love how Fig has absolutely no concept of how this “make me a creature” thing is supposed to work. Does she think Aguefort is just gonna release it into the world without telling her and she has to just, like, find it? Not that that doesn’t sound like something he might do, but still.

Gorgug gets so sick of the insane elven pronunciations and talk about how he’s gonna die at 20 and general nonsense that he has to go lie down in the Van which is The Mood.

Fabian receiving a long, elven greeting from his grandad and then giving the most kid-like response--“Yeah so I’m in high school and I have a school project I need help on and it’s like 60% of my grade”--was very funny.

A couple lore points from this episode:

Fabian’s grand-dad crafted a sword for the king of Falinel 3000 years ago which is why he was gifted the land they live on.

Calethriel Tower was originally a monument by a grieving widow to her husband died in war with Highcourt 500 years ago.

For more detailed physical descriptions and info on the lore, you can check out jamiebluewind’s post on that here.

And then you can also find new character descriptions here and transcripts of the two big RP scenes in Calethriel tower here and here. 

And I just wanna give another big shoutout to @jamiebluewind who saved me a lot of backtracking with these descriptions/transcripts. I really appreciate the effort it takes to do that and it’s a super useful resource to have.  

“Sheetsmith” High elves are truly insufferable. I’m with Gorgug on this.

I love Fig’s continuing efforts to be Gilear’s cheerleader. Their relationship is so great and it’s come a long way. I also love his brief moments of insight and competence (like, lol, remember in ep1 when Fig disguised herself as her mom and he drove her to school anyway? I loved that) so I was really cheering for him when he successfully did his diplomat stuff at the top of the ep and during his talk with Fig.

Fabian saying he wants his V-Card “removed” like it’s an infected appendix or something. I’m curious to see what, if anything, he says to Aelwyn when they see each other again, seeing as they’ve both hit rock bottom since the last time they met--which, to remind you, was at an insane house party where they were both at like a 14 out of 10.

I think it’s really great that, despite how much the Bad Kids clown on each other, they’re all super patient with explaining social nuances to Ayda. And I love that even though Ayda is pretty unclear about what the appropriate response is to anything, she is pretty ride or die but quick to rein it in once someone talks to her.

“It’s probably fine if Gilear has a grape.”

It’s very important for me to note that the funniest thing that happened this episode was a player action, not a character action and it was Siobhan--after about an hour of sitting in relative silence as the rest of the group did their thing--pulling out a present for Brennan--a set of Sugar and Dice Candy Dice. “So you can eat your fucking dice!” Amazing.

Brennan, as Telemien, recited some poetry and either Brennan just had that memorized or he was freestyling poetry with a consistent meter and rhyme scheme which is just too much for me to handle rn.

Kristen’s “inspiring” speech included the line, “Friendship is thicker than water and we need water to live.” Classic Kristen.

I truly cannot wait for Hilariel to re-enter the story. I want her takes on so many things and I want to know what her relationship with Gilear is like so so so bad. I wonder if he’s gonna tell her what happened with her dad. I didn’t really get the sense that she and Telemien stay in touch very much. But, in fairness, I don’t think she’s kept up with anything/one much in the past 20ish years. Imagine a wedding arc. Now that I’ve thought of it, I want it more than I can imagine. You know Fig would appoint herself Best Man.

The friend group thing where someone says your name wrong once and you pray it doesn’t become A Thing, even though someone’s already in the process of changing the group text title to that. Anyway, you know everyone’s gonna be spelling Fabian’s name Fah-Bee-Ahn in their group text for the foreseeable future.

Fig Re: Gorgug using the Pirate Sending Spell to Zelda: You can end with raunchy promises.

What party was Zelda going to in the Red Waste mid-quest? Was there even really a party? Or was it maybe a Gold Gardens type thing? Based on my experiences being a teenage girl, I would not be surprised if that text was written by committee. 

“She’ll come back?”/“Sure.” 

Kristen taking Adaine’s vacant room was such an evocative image. I can see it perfectly. Just her curled up alone in this immaculate room with little Adaine-y touches, sad about two things.

The Bad Kids in the forest had maybe the biggest Teenager energy that I’ve seen in any episode of FH so far. Like, that Tracker/Kristen argument alone.

“If you wanted me to build a cell tower I would do it immediately and I would know how.”

I don’t know if there really haven’t been many Kristen and Gorgug scenes or if I’m just forgetting but I loved their one on one in this ep. They’re good scene partners. 

I also really liked Gorgug’s talk with Ayda who has been a great addition to the squad. And I love how easily she jumped from, “You’re a good person from what I’ve seen” to that John Mulaney sketch where he’s like, “That guy sounds like he sucks. Do you want me to murder him for you?”

Brennan gave everyone some XP this ep so they’re very close to level 9. Lol at everyone suggesting they Fight Club each other to grind the last bit they need.

“My friend is kidnapped and the rest of my friends are just dancing and eating grapes!”

Telemien’s abject revulsion to the point of throwing up at the operation of a gun (which is why Gilear induced vomiting before asking for Hilariel’s hand btw) was a Choice on Brennan’s part.

“The body protects itself and secretes more hit points.”

Telemien offers to get the best eleven eyesmiths (sure) to make Fabian a new eye and it shouldn't even take long. Unfortunately, in elf-time, that could mean anything from 1 - 100 years.

WHY CAN KRISTEN SUDDENLY SEE THE SHADOWCAT? WHAT IS GOING ON? I’m like thisclose to thinking that it actually is transmitted through bodily fluids like some people were saying. But, seriously, what’s changed since last time the picture was taken out? This was post argument with Tracker. Is that a factor? Or does it just feel like it might be because it was the last major thing to happen before she was able to see it? I want to sit down during the break and make, like, a conspiracy theory board to put together all the data we have on this so far because I feel like every single new piece of info we get is something unexpected but I falso eel like we’re gonna hit ourselves when we realize what it is. 

Fig is very ride or die for Adaine this whole episode. She basically had no spell slots but was ready to go after Adaine right away, she offered to go in to get her alone as a “one woman Adaine retrieval team” while everyone else dealt with the Pylons, and when Ayda said Adaine was her best friend, she was like, “Well Adaine is kinda my best friend.”

“By the transitive property, are we best friends?” [Yes] “I grow richer by the day.” I love her so much. 

Even though Telemien is like more than a thousand years old, he’s apparently never met a goblin because he calls Riz a “strange, green, mouse thing.”

Riz: Who among us hasn't killed someone?

That "on mushrooms" bit had big "cell tower" energy.

Gorgug: Your grandfather is pissing me off.

Siobhan, to Lou who just Rolled an 8 on His Con Save: We're gonna get you new hands for Christmas. 

“It’s Gilear’s day baybee!”

I loved Riz and Fig teaming up to give Gilear as much help as possible for his botched attempt at asking for Hilariel’s hand. “Did he just call himself a throw-up boy?”

If you think about it, it actually is extremely funny that Adaine would demand a lawyer. She’s lived in Falinel almost her entire life but she studied abroad for one year and all of a sudden she’s like, “I have rights!”

Gilear very specifically said that Sandra-Lynn was with, "a member if the couple" and not which one it was. That was such an intentionally vague phrasing that I'm surprised Fig didn't call him on it. Also, I'm curious whether Fig actively knows who it is (maybe a teacher at school) or if he just knows she would go track them down for shenanigans once she had a name.

Also, speaking of Fig, wild that her Catfishing of Dr. Asha is one of the only relationships standing at this point. 

OK, I ate my vegetables now I get to talk about Abernant Family Drama.

Those of you who have been following me since I became active in the d20 fandom probably know that one of the first things I wrote were a series of meta-bordering-on-drabbles about what a future relationship between Adaine and Aelwyn could look like because, from episode one, my thought was, “There’s not one messed up sister in this house, there’s two.” I have been on the Abernant Sisters Against Their Parents train since S1 y’all and I thought it had a decent chance of happening but then Aelwyn’s iconic S1 episode happened and we learned she was working with Kalvaxus and she got thrown in jail so there wasn’t much time for development from her.

But then, it became clear that the Abernant family was gonna be all up in this arc and I got excited again. I mean, I tempered my expectations. The confrontation could have shaken out in a couple of different ways. And I would have enjoyed watching Adaine verbally destroy two family members instead of just the one, don’t get me wrong. But y’alllllllllll.

I thought Adaine and Aelwyn would put aside their differences and end up on the same side eventually but I wasn’t expecting Adaine, with absolutely no prompting, to take the path of compassion so quickly and absolutely. And, in turn, I didn’t expect Aelwyn to be as apologetic and forthright as she was. And, man, her whole situation is heartbreaking. The idea that you were so messed up that it took a year of torture to be able to recognize that you were living such a fundamentally flawed life? And then reaching that point but at the cost of your stability and the information needed to make things right? Literally not knowing what’s real and what your fevered brain has made up? That’s so tragic, man.

And Adaine was so gentle with her. The patience as she started repeating things and the kindness as she firmly cast away any remaining delusions Aelwyn had about their parents and upbringing. I am so constantly upset by how well the cast in general but Bren and Siobhan specifically just spit out these fully formed masterpieces that I would need to take a full hour to think through before even opening a Word Doc. It’s really magical.

I have no idea how much mental damage a healing spell can fix, if any, but I’m very interested to see what an even slightly more stable Aelwyn looks like, post all of this. Like, say she gets completely stable due to a combo of therapy and healing magic over time. What is her personality even like at that point? Does she revert back to a version of her old personality but with the acid aimed at someone who deserves it? Does she start from scratch from this baby deer learning to walk place she’s at right now? 

Very good DM move from Brennan to have Adaine’s low stealth roll to be Aelwyn noticing her and not the guards so we still got the Aelwyn confrontation and not a quick and frustrating capture. 

Aelwyn asked Adaine if, “mother found you,” which makes it sound like she checked in with Aelwyn before she fled. I continue to be very interested in the clues we’re getting to what that woman is up to. Maybe Aelwyn knows more info that the gang could get once she’s a little better or via a detect thoughts or something similar.

I want Anguin to look me in the eye and tell me to my face that not letting someone rest for a full year and not letting them eat or drink and literally keeping them on the brink of death isn’t torture so I can jump through the computer screen into Falinel and strangle him with my bare hands. Like, boy, you’re not even going to go with, “This is justified torture?” You’re gonna say it just straight isn’t? Man I can’t wait for the Bad Kids and/or Aguefort Himself to get sicced on this bastard.

OK, I don’t wanna end on a point about Anguin so, instead, think about Adaine and Aelwyn keeping each other company from nearby cells via the Message cantrip. Isn’t that bittersweet? Closer than they’ve ever been but physically separated and it took literal torture for them to get there.

Oh! And, actually, I almost forgot but this is also a good note to end on. Shoutout to Adaine for switching from Elven to Common when talking to her dad, just to be that little bit more of an annoyance to him. You gotta rebel how you can. 

That's it for 2019, guys! We don't have another ep until January 8. Have a good New Years in the meantime and I'll see you then!

No Nat 20’s were rolled this ep. Gorgug rolled 1 Nat 1 and Kristen rolled 2 (or three if you count the one she rolled with disadvantage).

[kaiju-z]

Following the victory over The Traveling Gentlefolk and the celebration of the evening, the Cultbusters had come together to the home of one, Nelatha, where Amelia Zephyrine made her choice to remain in Crystalgate, having achieved personal goals that she had aspired to get done. After a seemingly unanamous acceptance of this decision, Luctan revealed to Nel and Malak his true appearance, after a long time of hiding.

With the intense fight, celebrations and revelations having come and gone, the party prepare for the next step of their journey and whatever life has in store for them onward in...

Seon Adventures Episode 29: STONKS AND SHARES!!!

It is the day after the tournament and each of the Cultbusters find themselves on a journey of preparations, conscious and subconscious of what’s to come.

First up, Mournimar Da’Vir~!

The Tiefling Ranger, accompanied by his trusty Dire Wolf, Morgan Da’Vir, headed off to a familiar face for a familiar ask. Specifically, the horned naturalist went to Delemmak and ordered himself a new armor and melee weapon, while Delemmak’s half-orc apprentice worked the forge, under the scruffy elven man’s instructions.

After some measuring and fitting, he was left with certain options. Mythril like chainmail in one category and a special studded leather armor with fuzed in metalic paddings. Mournimar would take the latter, for a combined 600gp, for base price of 400 and improvement price of 200 gp.

As for a weapon, the madlad, who once bought a nail bat from Delemmak wound up with the option of a magical blade. A rapier of sorts, with Elven writing on one side. Thanks to his knowledge of Elven, due to his herritage, he is able to discern the lyrics to “All Star” by Smashmouth.

Elven, turly a beautiful and magical language.

Following the purchase of this 250gp weapon, Mournimar would then find himself, alongside his animal companion, roaming the streets of Crystalgate and walking across the bridge, before taking note of something in the water.

A bottle of sorts. Curious, and much to the confusion and fatigue of an elderly woman that witnesses him do so, he jumps over the edge and lands in the shallow water, taking a closer look at what is revealed to be the bottle that was attached to Luck’s wings, which in turn were attached to that hellish contraption.

Still attached to said wings. Apparently this being where Kit’s disposal of the wings had led to.

Watching from dry land, after a “dramatic” fight with the straps of the contraption, Mournimar would see the wings drift away. 

(Coincidentally, did you know what Luck and the wings’ favorite style of swimming was? Butterfly B))

With this out of the way and opting not to share his findings with Luctan, Mournimar would carry on with the day, until reconvening back with the party in their new mannor.

Luctan’s day goes a biiiit differently, compared to the rest.

Following long pondering after the tournament and a near sleepless night, due to the situation he found himself in with TTG and Amelia’s sister, Sabrina, Luck had made a list of activities to keep his mind off of what was supposed to be a simple vengeance quest.

The streetdumb tiefling in disguise would begin by precuring supplies, tools, materials and work on building something he had never, until recently, thought he’d ever want to make: a shrine. 

Not for any god, but for a worshipper of a god. With hard work and determination, as well as a bit of an imagination, Luctan would construct a shrine to Keemis, for Malak.

He felt it the least he could do, given the work Malak had put up for them. And all their shenanigans until now.

From there he heads to Peppery Pete’s, buying the party a number of potions. Out of habit, he buys five. Each of the Greater Healing Variety. Beyond that, he would get something else, in a glass casing.

The Catharsis Poison. Worth 250gp, A deep red, runny potion. Tastes like bad wine. Upon drinking, the drinker will sweat profusely, followed by intense vomiting, crying, urination, and diarrhea for 3d6 minutes. If the drinker survives, they lose all emotional attachment for 2d4 days.

After much complimenting being thrown Pete’s way, by Luck, the red tiefling would ask his business partner about where he may perhaps percure a tattoo of the magical kind. Given directions, Luctan would find himself at the home/establishment of a tattooist Elf with a floofy beard.

A real pro of 300 years, Luck would essentially be in safe hands, as long as he was good with the gold and tite with the toughness.

For the next 6 hours Luck would have to bite into his black tanktop shirt and grit and, occasionally shed a few tears, as magical golden and purple ink was fused to his chest’s skin.

By the time it’s over, the butterfly-wing esque pattern is infused into his flesh, perfectly and with no diseases! OR sepsis! (DARN!)

Mark of the Elvenkind:

Size:

Medium

Location:

Any

Intricacy:

Average

Power:

Low

This mark imbues its wearer with the benefits of Fey Blood, granting them immunity to magical sleep and advantage on saving throws against being charmed.

Feeling safer from the magical mind control of others, Luctan would pay his tattooist and dress back up. After which he’d continue to the next part of his work:

INVESTMENTS!

Meeting with Delemmak and then Father Eldod, the Dragonborn, Luctan would invest high quantities of gold into each’s respective field. In one way to aid his favorite people in Crystalgate and in another way to make money in town, while the party was away on adventures.

The grattitude in each man was evident as in one case, Luck was helping his colleague and his daughter, Glashta, who’s mother works as an Accountant (Orccountant, if you will). While in the other he was aiding a kindly old Dragonborn, with whom he had made one of the deepest connections two people could make. Personal. Intimate: THE LOVE FOR ARCHITECTURE!!!

And as he’d leave his greatful, tearful friend, Luctan would again make the “Call me” sign with his thumb and pinky.

As day gave way to night, Luck pondered on possibly hiring a butler for the Party’s Mannor. But he wasn’t fully sure on how to handle such a task yet, given that any previous “help” he had working under him did not do so of their own volition...

So put that one in the “LATER” category, as Luck would bring himself, with a package under arm, to Nel and Amelia’s place.

After formalities are out of the way, Luctan presents the package, put together with wrapping paper and rope, purple clumps coming out from a few openings. Amelia would accept said parcel and in turn pass to the tiefling a gift she had been holding onto, herself, for the longest time.

Wrapped in paper, there would be flowers. They’d be dried up, but still put together Gladiolus (Gladioli?). Flowers, famous for often being given to gladiators (hence the name).

The gladiolus flowers symbolize honor and remembrance,as well among many a other qualities: Strength of character, faithfulness, sincerity and integrity, Infatuation and never giving up. A number of these qualities deemed fitting by the blue Genasi, for the red Tiefling.

In turn, from Luctan’s gift to her, Amelia would become the owner of a purple jacket. Identical to Luck’s jacket, from the early days of their adventures, with the notable put togetherness of the sleeves.

And an item, stuffed in the inner pocket of the jacket: Luck’s Blink Dagger. Still in mint condition, too.

The two talk then. And hug it out and then part ways, promissing to meet again, later on, whenever time allows them.

ALL WHILE THIS WAS HAPPENING, THOUGH!

Malak had come earlier to Nel and Amelia’s place, earliest of all.

Welcomed inside, Malak would make an offer of enchanting an item for Amelia, as a farewell present to her. After much searching, she would pick her seashell necklace out and give it for this enchantment.

Using diamond dust and the right incantation, as well as tracing his fingers over the necklace, the Death Cleric would spend a while, infusing a spell into the item. An hour after the casting, Malak would create a Necklace of Sending for Amelia. With a bonus password for personal usage only. Chosen by Amelia, the password is “Alexander”.

Thankful, she in turn would give him a fitting present. Her Keemis necklace, the one with the magical enchantment on it. With a bit of effort, she manages to place it over his head and onto his neck, asking only that he keeps the party safe. Determined to wait for their return.

Malak wishes the two of them a nice life together. A happy life together.

Amelia confides in him her worries. In 25 years of life, she’s never been so close to death and she nearly died twice with them. It’ll shake anyone and gives appreciation. She knew the time to leave was coming. And with the success at the tournament, it was the fitting moment to step back from the spotlight and reasess her life, now that she had Nel, Archie and Sabrina.

Malak takes this into account and Blesses Amelia, as the torch gets properly passed.

With this done, Malak preps himself and his know how to build himself a shrine to Keemis! Preferably in the garden! So he walks on back to the house. And following a note, he finds Luctan’s gift for him there, as it is.

(Much laugh is had ooc.)

The Cleric would approach and take position in front of the shrine, lighting up a pair of small flames atop the offering plates. One flame black. Another White.  Sick.

Speaking of spotlights and gifts! Belli Narah takes the stage and begins her busy day by Sending a message to Bardy Scott, asking him where he got that Thaumaturgy Stone from! "I bought it from Peppery Pete and you can too!” is the answer she gets in turn.

And to Peppery Pete’s she goes, buying herself a stone for 50gp. Which she narrows down the price of to 45gp, for advertisement purposses.

Words are said.

Jokes are made.

And the intricacies of adventuring life get debated between the two, before Belli parts ways for now and carries onto the Nature’s Bounty cafe.

Where she meets Guinnevere. A bald human woman, with a raven on her shoulder.  Why does she meet her? Because Belli demands to speak to the manager.

Why?

Because she wants to get a membership. Why? As a gift for Amelia, of course! Big money is paid as Belli goes all out for the Air Genasi Monk, Getting her a card with  50 visitations free of charge.

The chummy bard goes beyond the gifts, interestingly enough! For she also suggests the addition of a gift shop for customers and passer bys. So into it, she is, that she follows her rich kid instincts and makes...

Investments! She makes an investment in the establishment! STONKZ ARE BEING PUT IN!  100 gold is being placed in the investment... um... corner? Is that where you put investments?!

After gruelling and hilarious (ooc-ly) discussions on Familiar shapes, Belli heads off home, with the rest of the party, where they discuss in what order they are to do their work.

Luctan brings out the potions, handing a Greater Healing for each of the three and quickly realizing half-way into pulling out a forth that there are only 4 of them and thus, he had bought one in exess.

Putting it away, the quartet talk shop, with Luctan (with Mournimar’s aide) elaborating on their adventure in stopping their first cult. And the crystal ball involved. The visions there in and the specifity of Lake Stren in all this.

The four ultimately agree on an order of solving the cases:

Lake Stren > River’s Job Offer >  Lucius Bennett ‘s Offer.

Luck’s personal quest of regaining limbs was to be on wait for now..

As the group carry on conversations on what to do in the meanwhile, before making contact with the clients in the morning, Malak raises the subject of the shrine Luck had made for him in the garden. He would have much preferred to make it himself, as it was his deity and his worship...

But he is ultimately greatful to the tiefling for the work he put in. Luctan sharing that it felt the least he could do for Malak, after the priest’s kindness towards the party.

Then the idea gets brought up for a late night house warming party!

Belli takes to the task quickly and enthusiastically and makes calls to family and friends!

Confirmed guests from the Sending are Sabrina, Ficus, Kit, Pete and Samson. Bob Narah confirms that he’ll get the kids and enough alcohol for a cheeky 50.

All out of slots, the Bard goes old school and heads to the home of Nel and Amelia, becoming the last person of the party (currently) to visit the two that day. She makes with the knocking and is welcomed inside by a pajama’d up Nel, quite surprised with how everyone’s coming in order again and again.

Before the announcement of the party, she hands the fellow half-elf bard a knitted hat that she had made for her, which Nel accepts. With the excitement of that one relative that keeps getting socks for Christmas.

Being pointed to Amelia, Belli elaborates on the evening’s imprompty party (cut back to Luck as he uses some magic to light up candles and stuff with Purple Flames).

Weary of going out at this time, now that she was with Nel, Amelia asks for the level of the party, who else would be there and the like.

“Super casual.” is Belli’s answer as Nel, having heard the word “party”, immediatelly would switch outfits like in a cartoon, magically wearing an evening gown and ready!

“How’d you do that?!” Belli would ask, shocked at the sudden change.

“Showbusiness, Darling!” is Nel’s answer.  Nel is always ready.

Like Luctan and Malak before her, Belli too would then have a heart to heart conversation with Amelia, over the Air Genasi’s departure from the party. Truths are spoken. Amelia feeling herself an outsider in the group, with how the others had bonded. And felt herself unappreciated in the time, having closed herself off to some extent.

The alchohol during the time she traveled with the group was no incident. It was a coping mechanism.

With adventuring done, she had made the decision to cut down on the drinking.

Belli would, in turn,apologize for making Amelia feel unwanted and unapproached. She’d cry, genuine tears of remorse for not being there for her enough.

The two would hug it out then.

Mad respect.

(THERE ARE EMOTIONS! I AM SOBBING LIKE A FUCK AS THEY HUG!)

With Belli handing Amelia the card from Nature’s Bounty, Amelia would deliver a gift in turn to Belli. Flowers for the bard, as well. This time, specifically for Belli, Chrysanthemums.

Parting ways, until the party, Belli would visit one more person to offer them a spot on the guest list:  Doreen. The head of the orphanage. And after some successful chatting, Doreen would join in.

And the party would follow next...

Previous Episode / Next Episode

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

Ok uh DND HEADCANONS aka welcome to fantasy queer eye

Ava: A tiefling paladin. Bonar Fidea ("BONER?" "Shut the fuck up Sal.") Is sworn to her mission to protect the group of travellers she's met. Especially when faced with a particular half orc,,,ahem, Bonar is intent on doing good, not for the cost of gold, but to perhaps wipe her hands of bloodshed left over from a suffocating war that she refuses to talk about....just a shame that the rest of her party doesn't agree with the motives.

Mimi: Dwarf fighter named Viet Clearwater ("'Cause she drags her enemies through the fucking mud!"). Dwarf milf -

("wait," Lace squints and Mimi grins. "How is she a milf??" "WELL. You know that thing where a woman gets out of the fire and shakes her head? That's that." Everyone waits for a moment before nodding appreativatevly.)

- who worked in a blacksmiths for many years before meeting Sal's character and ending up joining his kid onto becoming fantasy bounty hunters for a few months before meeting the others. Viet's personal mission is to get a beach day yet each plot ends up derailing her from it each and every time.

Finn: Druid Elf called Roisen-Mae Maylar who worked in fantasy Greggs before Bonar robbed them and Roisen-Mae was the one who was sent after her due to him being "the new guy". Long story short, Roisen-Mae realised he was underpaid and joined Bonar in her avenging for justice, quickly realising that "justice" was conceived of breaking into places and killing people in order to free others. Roisen-Mae kinda wishes he could go back to Fantasy Greggs but...he likes the feeling of adventure in his blood, likes helping people in such a freeing manner.

Sal: Elvish Bard named Chester. Out here playing the top hits of "I want thy love" and "I was created for loving thee." With the backups of Wulf's character. Realised that he could get more cash and that there was...fuck, there was something magic about his voice that struck the monsters and mysterious assassins often sent after the party for some reason.

("Wait so you're some sort of siren?" Pascal had begun to laugh as Sal sqwuaked in indignation. "No! Its- its magic! Shut up you solar piece of shit!")

Sure, murder wasn't was Chester was expecting. But fuck if it ain't gonna be fun (skksks ngl I'm...half wondering if Sal would let his dnd character be in love like I am with him and me being ace sksk)

Mahogany: No character since they struggle with grasping the game but they usually have someone sitting on their lap while they watch everyone play and suggest actions. Sometimes they're allowed to be monsters but often Mahogany is just there to get some cuddles.

Pascal: Orc rogue named Solgrindr The Rugged. 100% he's here to get jacked and each mission allows him to gain One Ab. His guns are huge but his heart is even huge-er and Solgrindr speaks with a fiery passion to sell his training regime and to collect a million fantasy numbers. Since. U know. Solgrindr has earned these by now.

("So you're a Chad?" Mimi squints and Pascal lifts up a hand in offense before Sal interjects. "YEAH PASCAL YOU AN INCEL?" Pascal cried a minute later. He just wanted to be ripped, was that too much to ask?)

Solgrindr is but a man of his whims and what's a bigger whim than a fiery battle and an even hotter romance? ("His sole goal is to romance Chester." Pascal says, smiling viciously when Sal chokes from across the table.) Its just a shame he hasn't been able to live up to his full power yet...

Edith: A half-orc paladin called Yanag Broifstïgnäh who is...basically a carbon copy of Edith but no one's gonna exactly argue with a 6'something Norse angel who everyone excluding Wulf and Dae, are attracted to her. Yanag fights with the same ire and power anyone else would have done to protect her party entirely. She gets a magical axe that apparently washes her into an entirely new and powerful form only once every game.

(Finn frowns, tilting his head curiously. "You made Edith into a magical girl?"

Doe blinks and for a moment, Finn shudders when his own eyes meet his. "Yeah. Is that what that's called? Coolio.")

Yanag saves and romances a woman with every town they go to, but it raises questions when she seems to deny their affections, just as its suspicious how black tar-like veins seem to spread on her the more she uses this power.

Wulf: A human ranger called Bob Greenson. Your average, typical human man who just so happens to believe in fate and adventure! He shall charm everyone and fight the good battles!

("So." Ava squinted and Edith tried to not smile. "He's playing as himself...but a human man?" Her question seemed to get a rough snort out of Edith and a slight nudge of the shoulders. "Aye, but 'tis what makes the man happy I suppose.")

Of course, Bob is on a strict mission to product review as many weapons as he possibly can for his company, Weap'n'throw, while perhaps finding a few good spots to camp out for the ol' family? How's it goin' neighbour? Sure there are some sale issues, what with everyone wanting to murder Bob, but what sales pitch doesn't come with a bit of haggling, hm? With his mighty band of sales assistants, please speak to Chester on aisle three for magical trumpets!

Adonai: Dungeon Master! It's a relief to be themselves and to still be able to interact with the games and everyone else. Doe was worried at first that they would have been left out while everyone got to be something different. They would have joined, but the idea of yet again forming a whole new identity, trying to find the balance and shifts...it sounded exhausting. They couldn't handle it.

Ava patted them and told Doe that they didn't need to be someone. They could think up the scenarios and risks and Joys. It wasn't often that they got an opportunity to take over and simply have fun with risking Mimi's life or trying to create romantic scenarios between Edith and Ava. Doe takes great pleasure in being the DM and it isn't uncommon for them to modify their body for certain campaigns.

Lace: A half-elf wizard named Elvish Presley (Everyone groans. Mahogany weeps. Edith demotes her Valkyrie ways. Sal becomes a nun.) Elvish is interested in learning all sources of magic and why their world works. Is there anything connecting them all? A reason for them being here? Elvish is determined to find out, no matter what the cost...mostly of himself though.

Whether he admits that he wouldn't allow his team to get hurt or not, that is entirely Elvish's thoughts and feelings alone. Quick! Put that healing spell away! We can't let these people know that we feel and yearn! But little does Elvish Presley know, everyone is aware that he is a giant nerd with a giant heart that weeps when Bonar rescues him from the angry orgre who's wagon dealership they ruined in a quest.

Dae: A dragonborn ranger named Torpa Armani who dreams of becoming a famous writer-

("Th-that's bas-basically what y-you do anywh-anyway." Morde squints as Wulf grins while Dae flushes and shakes his head. It's a weak argument, to hear your clone try and deny the elaborate romance novels he writes about his friends.)

-But! Sometimes you just get whisked away onto wild and heart melting adventures. Its hard to ignore how good it deeps to help other people with their problems. It seems that Torpa may just be finding out that there's more to life than romance or tragedy books for them. Especially if they seem so insistent on carrying a weapon and being willing to put their trust and faith within other people once more after being outcasted for who and what they are.

Peach: A tiefling ranger named Puddles Skipclear. Puddles was once a water nymph, but had been cursed into a more physical form that didn't allow her to touch water. She is bound to dry lands until Puddles is able to break her curse. Unfortunately, Puddles doesn't even seem to know what curse bounds her and changes her for possibly forever.

(Morde is quiet for a moment, not meeting his clone's eyes guilt makes his eyes and body dim and slouch. Dae does the same towards Mordecai and everyone tries to ignore the guilt that isn't there's suddenly shifting around the room.)

She likes the people she has chosen to travel with. They're silly and their quests don't always work out, but they're honest in helping Puddles and she wants to trust in them when they say that they will help her remove her curse. They're all rather different from her water sisters that faded away and slipped out of Puddles' too physical fingers, but she's begun to have high hopes about what this mission could mean for her along the way.

Mordecai: Orc rogue named Vecivus Brogun, who is a well renewed theft despite his size. Parties could only dream of having him upon their sides. It's easy to steal things from countless people, but it's harder to steal the secrets. Especially when such a strange party seems to hold so many of these secrets. Some of them have simple ideas and wants, but others?

Oh, there's mystery to them and contrary to what others believe about orcs, Vec is far more easily aware and shifty than most. If only the others would realise these and help him out with a few gigs...after all, is it so bad to steal from a dragon if said dragon had so many riches that he would have hardly noticed if a few went missing?

[g00dberry]

this is me asking about your campaign

Anon, I am so fucking glad that you asked. Alight kiddies strap yourselves in and get ready to hear the story of Fortune’s Favor cause this is the hyper-fixation to end all hyper-fixations for me right now. (BTW, all art for the party members was done by @Tallinier on Twitter! She’s amazing and you all should go check her out right now!). Anyways:

See that? That’s Ar’De. The main continent that our D&D campaign takes place on. You might have noticed that huge white sprawl right in the middle there. That’s called The Conflict Zone. That also happens to be the name of our campaign itself, The Conflict Zone.

The Conflict Zone is an area of the continent that has existed since the dawn of recorded history. It has always contained things that do not make sense and is home to creatures not of the material plane. The topography of it is constantly shifting, changing, re-arranging. It is impossible to map out. Portals to thousands of other realms are constantly opening and closing within its borders, and creatures from these other realms have recently begun to take notice of these portals in larger numbers. The Orcs, Humans, Elves, and Dwarves have all made a pact to do their best to contain this threat on their shared borders, but something is happening... While the shared governments are trying to keep it under wraps, The Conflict Zone is expanding. More and more things are coming through those portals, and those who live closest to it have been facing grave dangers and strange occurrences more and more lately.

However, our story doesn’t begin with The Conflict Zone. It actually begins with a man. A man known only as Gaust. 20 years before the events of this campaign, a powerful man known as Gaust led a violent uprising centered in the human country of Empiria that killed many people. Gaust himself supposedly had powers that were evil and astounding. On top of his own abilities, he had the power to give other people arcane abilities. It was said that his mere presence was enough to make those around him just as bad as he was. However, nobody really knows for sure, as nobody ever claimed to have truly met the man in person. That is, until the current king of Empiria, Ryborn Hauzer -

(That guy) - slayed Gaust himself, and put an end to his 5 year reign of terror. Things were pretty okay for 20 years after that, and that’s where our heroes meet each other.

Why don’t we get to know our heroes? They’ve recently started to garner a reputation for themselves, and have decided to call their little group Fortune’s Favor (It’s a miracle none of us are dead yet, so we’ve gotta be somewhat lucky, right? Right?). They weren’t always a recognizable group of heroes though. In fact, they started out sleeping in the haymow of some guy’s barn, just outside the human capital of Union. With only a few coins to their name and a shared goal of joining the legendary Pathfinder’s Guild for various reasons, they decided to team up to try and earn some coin together, attempting to get past the nasty 500 GP application fee to even try out for the Pathfinders.

But enough about that, why don’t we finally talk about these lovable losers?

First up is Sarrali Farseer, a Tiefling Hunter Ranger 5 / Wild Magic Sorcerer 2:

Sarrali found herself designated as the leader of the group rather quickly which was really concerning for her (especially considering that she’s the youngest at the ripe age of 21!). She’s never seen herself as much of a people person. She grew up on the rugged streets of Vandis, Empiria’s military capital in the harsh North. With her human mother in mental institutions, her father completely unknown, and a childhood full of horribly unfortunate mishaps and distrust from others due to her Tiefling blood, Sarrali grew used to the idea that her father might actually have somehow been the god of shadow, twilight, misfortune, and chaos - Vayn. After deciding to ditch civilization entirely at the ripe age of 16 with only a pewter charm of a bird in flight left by her mother to her name, Sarrali fled South to the Northern forests of Empiria with no idea how to survive on her own. She was found and taken in by an old human bounty hunter, Mordecai Swift, who taught her everything he could before he met his untimely demise at the hands of some slaver pirates when Sarrali was 18. Out for vengeance, Sarrali made the unwise decision to try and take on an entire camp of slavers on her own after finding her master’s decapitated head not too far outside the camp. She managed to take down 7 of them all on her own before she was captured. She spent a horrific month in a Port Des’Sali warehouse run by the cruel leader of the slaver pirates, a wretched dragonborn named Bodac the Blue. Sarrali survived many horrible things, including torture and receiving a mysterious brand on her right shoulder blade before she and all of the other slaves were freed when a mysterious man entered the warehouse one day, the right half of his body glowing with red flames. He proceeded to torch the place, ripping Bodac’s head clear off his body, and burning right through the cages holding the slaves. Sarrali ran away from the others and spent the next 3 years working for a morally decent smuggling ring in Port Des’Sali, recovering and steeling herself for the future. She had heard that some people believed the gods themselves might reside within The Conflict Zone, and she finally wanted to confront Vayn. Unfortunately for her, the only ones allowed within The Conflict Zone were high ranking Pathfinder guild members and other decorated soldiers. So, she had no choice but to arm herself with her master’s hunting knife, her trusty bow, and head out to Union to achieve her goals. 6 months down the line and things are going arguably well for Sarrali. She’s got people who care about whether she gets out alive at the end of the day, she’s started learning some ritual magic (including how to cast Find Familiar). She returned to her supposed birthplace, a mountain town named Overlook, in search of her mother and discovered that she has an older sister, a tiefling named Brandia.

She also discovered that she was apparently human when she was born, as was her older sister. She learned that her father apparently wasn’t Vayn, but instead a human man known as Jaxon Farseer. Someone who’s family line is millenia old. Full of heroes, legendary dragon riders, and masterful archers. Her father disappeared shortly after her birth, and her mother apparently made a deal with a tall dark man who appeared in her dreams, allowing him to give her and her children his “blessing” to ensure that Jaxon would one day be rescued. Her mother accepted, and was immediately cast into madness as her daughters were changed in ways she couldn’t imagine. Odd, Sarrali’s been seeing a tall dark man in her dreams as well recently. In fact, he keeps telling her she’ll be the one to end the world someday, and he gifted her the use of Wild Magic... Hm.

Next up is Teael of house Arren, a Half-Elf Grassland Druid 5 / Hexblade Warlock 2:

Teael is the bastard daughter of Chancellor Arren, a noble High Elf who lives down river from the Spring of Len. Teael Is an incredibly caring person, though her childhood was very lonely. Her step mother was kind, teaching her druidic magic like any of her other children, but her step sister was cruel to her and her father was rather indifferent, refusing to tell Teael anything about her birth mother. Tired of spending her life being ignored and mistreated in what was essentially a gilded cage, Teael fled her father’s estate and headed North with something to prove. Through fate or misfortune, she ended up at the same barn as Sarrali and decided to stick close to the rugged tiefling girl who seemed to know her way around a weapon a little better than she herself did. 

6 months later and 24 year old Teael has sort of adopted Sarali as the little sister she never had. The two get along well and care for each other in ways they haven’t really had the chance to experience before. Teael finally has someone who will stand up for her, and Sarrali has someone who cares about how she’s really doing. Someone who wants to help her through the trauma she’s endured. Someone who cares. One of Teael’s main points of interest is that she somehow possesses the ability to summon 2 familiars at once. A grumpy large blue gecko named Nigel and a posh white Weasel named Eloise. On a rather.... improvised trip to the Shadowfell, Teael recovered the mangled body of a Drow servant who called her Lady Velodora (which also happens to be the name of the Goddess of Darkness, Death, Sleep, and the Moon... She’s also one of Vayn’s twin sisters!). After escaping the Shadowfell, Teael paid a good amount of money to have her new friend attended to by a revolutionary doctor and a high level cleric. The Drow has made a decent recovery, but is suffering from horrible amnesia. So, Teael gave him the name Vega. 

He later proved himself to be a rather accomplished wizard. He lives on a plot of land owned by Teael now, and he restored a broken down wizard tower there. His favorite pastimes include listening to Teael sing for him, reading, and studying new arcane affects. He isn’t the only friend Teael’s made recently though. On a mission into Orc territory, Teael recovered a strange black rod. After a dream that the party still doesn’t really know all the details of, Teael’s got a wicked looking new quarterstaff, and seems to have made some sort of deal with a woman (entity?) named Ebony. Before we set off on our latest adventure, Teael wrote to her father for the first time since leaving his estate to boast about how fine she’s doing on her own, and is eagerly waiting to hear back from him. She’s also a complete bi-sexual disaster, but the party loves her anyways. Oh, and one last thing. She also learned that if people found out who her mother was, she’d supposedly be killed on the spot. So that’s fun!

Third up is Rhak,  a Dragonborn Bear-Totem Barbarian 5 / Champion Fighter 2:

Teael and Sarrali met up with Rhak once they were already knee deep in a mission back in Union. They needed some extra muscle, and just happened to see a very stocky dragonborn writing something down in a book and petting a small kitten on their way into the sewers. His common wasn’t that good, but he seemed so happy that someone had offered him work without being mean that he decided to protect his new friends on the spot. He’s been with the group ever since. Rhak was the runt of his litter back in the Dragonborn territory of The Free Isles. Though he still exemplified the traits that the Platinum Dragon, Bahamut, tried to preach. Rhak had never really been one to turn to violence. He preferred to read and try talking through his issues with others. Unfortunately for him that meant that he was bullied mercilessly as a child. Though the kindness of a half elf woman named Lucia, a sorceress in the Free Isles seeking the wisdoms of the Platinum Dragon, inspired him to stick to his own ideals. One day, when he saw some bullies picking on a much younger runt, he accidentally let his anger get the better of him and ended up killing one of the bullies. Thus, he was exiled from his homeland at the age of 15. Forced to wander parts of the world that he was tragically unfamiliar with, places where he was seen as an oddity, and forced to live a cripplingly lonely life. Lucky for both him and us, we found each other though, and he’s finally got true friends that care deeply for him.

Though he had to leave his lovely kitten friend Steve at an orphanage in Union before we set out on a larger adventure, Rhak is going strong today. He has a bear spirit named Ursula that gives him the strength to protect his friends and keep pushing forward. After an untimely demise in the stomach of a Rhemorahz, Rahk was saved by a very close Revivify and brought back. Though, not before he got to have a nice chat with Bahamut himself. Bahamut explained to Rhak that he was Silver Prime, and that he needed to help usher in the era of The New King if the world was to be saved from calamity. We were already carrying a dragon egg with us (taken from a bunch of kobolds months ago in some old mine). But after breaking open an artifact from the Shadowfell, the egg was transformed. After reaching Sarrali’s hometown of Overlook, we learned that it was home to The Roost. The former breeding ground of Empiria’s human-allied dragons. However, The Roost had been destroyed years ago in Gaust’s uprising, and the only dragon left there now was a Silver Dragon named Orphyrah. She gave Rhak her blessing, explaining that she needed to sacrifice herself if he was supposed to reach his true potential as silver prime. She breathed all of her life essence into a single scale necklace, which Rhak now wears and can use to call upon her spirit in times of need. While at The Roost, we were able to hatch the new king of the dragons, a platinum hatchling named Justifax. Rhak has been tasked with protecting him and uniting the other primes, and he seems to be taking that duty very seriously. Only time will tell how Rhak’s destiny affects the fate of the world...

Last but certainly not least, we have Theren Greybend. A Human Knowledge Cleric 7:

Theren is the newest member of our group. We quite literally ran into him while fighting for our lives in the North recently, while on our way to Sarrali’s birthplace. Theren is a cleric of Magus, the God of Magic, Knowledge, and Secrets. The rest of the party doesn’t know too much about him yet, but we were in desperate need of a healer, and he got to witness the hatching of a new Dragon king with us, so he’s kind of stuck with us at the moment. Theren is a huge book nerd. He craves learning about any and all strange anomalies, and agreed to travel with the party on the pretense that we seem to run into stuff involving The Conflict Zone (his research specialty) a lot. We’ve basically become his latest research project, but that’s alright. He seems nice enough, and wants to help in any way that he can. Theren recently revealed that he possesses the odd ability to connect telepathically with a willing creature once a day, but who knows what else this guy can do? As far as we can tell, Theren is from one of the Western parts of Empiria, rather close to The Conflict Zone itself. 

Now finally, you might be wondering: Alright, but how did all that crazy stuff start?

Well, the intro arc was far too long to append on to this post, but let’s just say that in an unfortunate mix up involving Dynamite, Sewer Zombies, and a Burning Lighthouse. Our rag tag group was pinned as prime suspects, and then later were offered a deal by this shady motherfucker - 

Ekkard, the right hand man to the King of Empiria. If we could investigate those three issues for him on the down low, he wouldn’t just waive our Pathfinder application fee, he would ensure that we were accepted, and would become one of the King’s personally invested in teams. Of course, he didn’t give us much of a choice, since he told us we had a month to figure it out or face exile from Union as a cautionary action. 

So, on the job to clear our names and earn our stripes, we faced down more zombies, a flesh golem, an assassin, terrorist threats, bandits, exploding zombies, a re-kindled uprising of Gaust, and finally a huge bone serpent to save the city of Union and earn our freedom. 

Long story short - we succeed, and thus, Fortune’s Favor was born.

-I’m always down to talk about this campaign, so if anyone has any other questions, please don’t hesitate to send them.

@icarus-undying (Teael’s Player)

[themiscyra1983]

The Elephant In The Room

Let me preface all this by saying I do not have time for assholes. If you come at me with insults and contempt, I will block you.

The other day on Twitter I said the Harry Potter books aren’t good. I said this to a friend but I guess some people just keep an eye out for whatever Harry Potter shit pops up on Twitter and/or the algorithm just likes to spit in people’s eyes because hoooo boy people saw and lost their minds. I blocked two people over it because they decided to be assholes, and had a somewhat terse conversation with someone who was more politely insistent before going, finally, “I’m glad you find joy in something I no longer care for” and putting an end to the conversation.

It’s no particular secret that I’m in the fandom, and prior to J.K. Rowling going full, ‘no plausible deniability here’ transphobe, I’d bought my share of official merch. Frankly I should have stopped that sooner, but it took getting figuratively slapped in the face multiple times before I finally admitted Rowling’s ignorance carried a distinct air of willfulness and malice. Anyway I still HAVE the stuff I bought before, the Ravenclaw crap, the wands I was collecting (no more of that, I fear, though I’d hoped to pick up Tonks and Ginny’s wands at least before I brought an end to it), the Ravenclaw goblet I was gifted from a friend who bought it before JKR passed the plausibly just clueless horizon. There is still much in the world that I love, but much of that love comes now from the creations of others, and I cannot in good conscience spend money in ways that directly benefit Rowling’s financial empire.

And the Harry Potter books are not, in my view, good books. I’ve felt that for a while now. I’ll go a step further: I think they’re dangerous stories to tell children; I think I would be uncomfortable reading them to any children I might have. They are not stories that should be viewed without a critical eye. I loved them as a teenager. I’ve grown more uncomfortable with them - and, as with Twilight, far more comfortable with how critically thinking fans have transformed the work - as time has passed.

This actually has very little to do with the fact that, well...Rowling is not the best writer. Listen. I’m a Power Rangers fan. I’ve watched every incarnation of Star Trek, and every single movie. I have no problem with trashy fiction. You will find me rooting around in the garbage with the finest raccoons. But that is part of it, yes; there are flaws in the craft of it, and I don’t feel that, inherently, we needn’t judge children’s fiction by adult standards. I would argue that the very BEST children’s fiction is also excellent by adult standards. But this is the least of my concerns.

Here are my actual concerns.

Rowling wants credit for declaring Dumbledore gay after the fact, for saying Hogwarts is a safe space for all students in ways not reinforced (and in fact actively contradicted) by the text, for cheering the fan-created same-sex marriage of Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnegan, but she doesn’t want to take the creative risks that go along with that. When she had the opportunity, with the Fantastic Beasts movies, to make that subtext text, she and her cronies outright declined it. At every opportunity she has shied away from actually putting her high-minded ideas to the page. This is a cowardly choice at best.

Further, Dumbledore’s only canonical love interest (and it is not clear whether the love was requited) was a pretty fascist with whom he fell in, politically, for a time. I get it, we’ve all had crushes on terrible people. But this is literally his one and only love, requited or not, and after he defeats Grindelwald he is left to pine away for the remainder of his days. The one gay love story in the books - if you tilt your head, and squint, and accept Rowling’s word for it - is a tragic one that leaves one man in prison and another celibate and alone and, increasingly, a manipulative bastard who upholds the status quo.

There’s nothing wrong with a tragic love story. I’ve enjoyed quite a few. But when this - THIS - is what you hold up as a triumph of representation, in the absence of ANYTHING else...no. No cookies for you.

Let’s also talk about how I don’t feel Rowling wrote Dumbledore or approaches him with a critical eye. There is NO excuse for leaving a child in an abusive home. No, fuck your blood wards. You’re telling me that Albus Dumbledore - ALBUS DUMBLEDORE - could not devise protections better than leaving Harry with abusive relatives who despised him and everything he stood for? Then, too, when Dumbledore did intervene in Harry’s life, he did so with full knowledge that he was setting Harry up to be a sacrificial lamb, AND WITH THIS SPECIFIC END IN MIND. None of this is acceptable. Dumbledore is a fucking manipulative, abusive bastard who uses people and throws them away, and the fact that it WORKED OUT for Harry does not absolve him of his crimes.

Moving on, and bear in mind I’m still getting my steam up on this whole rant: Seamus Finnegan. Seamus Finnegan is the one canonically, obviously Irish character in the books, named quite stereotypically, but more importantly, in the books and movies, is shown to be interested in (a) liquor and (b) making things explode. He’s REALLY GOOD at making things explode. Do I need to explain why it’s problematic for the one Irish character to blow things up all the time? He also does this in defense of UK wizardry’s status quo, so, you know, even if you were all IRISH FREEDOM FIGHTER YEAH, I assure you he is not that guy.

There is an entire species of sapient magical creatures who exist solely to serve witches and wizards. Hogwarts is run on slave labor and most of the finest wizard families hold slaves. But it’s all right! Only one of them has ever, in the context of the books, wished to be emancipated, and everyone else views Dobby as a weirdo for wishing to be free, and paid for his labor. Dobby, incidentally, later lays down his life for the wizarding savior who tricked his master into freeing him. The only other emancipated house elf we see in the books, Winky, spends her time in a state of drunken depression, rendering her useless and scarcely capable even of caring for herself. She wished to remain enslaved, do you see, and was helpless without the benevolent guidance of her master.

There’s fan work that has tried to address this by exploring a mystically symbiotic relationship between house elves and wizards and witches, and yes, yes, J.K. Rowling is drawing on European folklore here, but let’s not give her credit, okay?

Goblins. Goblins! Goblins have a long history of being antisemitic stereotypes to begin with (hence why I have seen multiple Jews on Tumblr push back HARD on ‘goblincore’), but J.K. Rowling just...right. They’re short, ugly, have hooked noses, generally look like antisemitic cartoon figures. They are locked out of power but control all the wizarding world’s banking, and do so in very usurious ways, for example charging wizards to hold their money, etc. Now this might be an interesting commentary on how Jews have historically been oppressed and forced into fields that goyim felt themselves too ‘pure’ to work in, were it not for the fact that Rowling’s fantasy Jews LITERALLY AREN’T HUMAN, and more, ARE ACTUALLY GREEDY, CONNIVING, AND WILLING TO BETRAY YOU AGAINST THEIR OWN SELF-INTEREST FOR PERSONAL GAIN. FUCKING GOBLINS, MAN.

Then there’s the travesty of Magic in North America, which disrespected the intelligence of Native Americans (none of them figured out you could point a stick at something to make the magic go until white people showed up to help, apparently, but don’t worry, they’re really CLOSE TO NATURE and GOOD AT NATURAL MAGIC), disrespected the beliefs of specific peoples (no, skinwalkers aren’t just misunderstood shapechanging wizards and witches smeared by the greedy and ignorant, you’re whitesplaining actual mythology to the people who hold it sacred), made the ONE wizarding school in America white with an appropriated Native veneer, and generally just...Did Not Get America. As bad as the UK Wizarding World is, Rowling demonstrated complete IGNORANCE regarding the long history of what we now call North America, ignorance of even modern American culture (there’s a reason why American fans particularly tend to ignore the idea that wizardry is locked down tight behind a wall of secrecy here), ignorance and disrespect toward Native populations, and an unwillingness to do the research necessary to do this shit right.

There’s more. There’s blood purity, and gender politics, and Severus Snape’s portrayal, and all kinds of shit that grates, and I’m just tired.

Writers make mistakes. it happens. But Rowling does not recognize her mistakes. She does not seek to make amends. She just barrels on with her shitty opinions, regardless of who she hurts.

it is at the point where I am no longer even willing to thank her for graciously allowing us to play in her sandbox. We don’t need her blessing; the OTW has done far more for fanfic than she has. And it is, indeed, beginning to grate on me that people constantly try to apply Harry Potter metaphors to real life and real politics. As my friend Doc often says, find another book.

I love butterbeer (or at least the knockoffs available outside the Universal parks), I still read fanfic sometimes, I still like to play with ideas like the Harry Potter movies as performed by Muppets, with Dan Radcliffe as Snape and Tom Felton as Lucius. I’m glad the movies brought us a generation of actors, mentored by performers like Alan Rickman and Maggie Smith and so many others, who have gone on to bigger and better things. Much of my merch is packed away, but I still hold on to some of it because it has new meaning for me in light of fanwork, or because (in the case of my Ravenclaw hat and scarf) it’s warm, winters here are cold, I don’t want to buy new shit, leave me alone.

I am accustomed to seeing fans turn trash into treasure. I’ve tried to do it myself. But I feel, quite strongly, that the original text in this case is trash. it is radioactive, stinky trash. You won’t persuade me otherwise, and I’m done apologizing for it. If Rowling wants me to respect her and her work again, she’ll have to earn it, but I’m very trans and she low-key hates my kind, so even if I weren’t a random reader I wouldn’t be holding my breath.

And I really, really need to emphasize to you all that it is okay if people don’t like a given work of fiction. It is okay if people HATE that piece of fiction. You don’t need to change the minds of everyone around you. You absolutely will not succeed in doing so. Please, I’m begging you, make peace with that - and please, I’m begging you, even if you like something, try to consider it critically.

[pkducklett]

“Roll For Initiative”-A Secret Satan Fic

Now Available On Ao3!

Hello @iceway145, I was your Secret Satan this year! I hope a game of Gargoyles and Gravel is a fun day off activity you were looking for. I also hope your holiday was the right amount of spookiness that tops off to a good rest of the year!

Characters: Miss Pauling, Scout, Engineer, Pyro, Heavy, Sniper, Demo, and Soldier.

Rating: General

Summary: Miss Pauling plays Game Master to the mercenaries through a haunted house in a fun game of Gargoyles and Gravel.

‘The fog clears as the wind rushes past you. With it every candle in the room is snuffed out with one single “Whoosh”’

“Oh crap? Is that bad?”

“We won’t know unless you shut up, Scout.”

‘It is pitch black. It is dead quiet. In the quiet, you can faintly hear scattering of claws from the lower floor. High pitched voices speak in hushed tones. Then! A flash a light manifests above your party! It hovers for a while before-’

“I’m sorry, Miss P, but what just happened?”

“Well, you are witnessing a floating orb that manifested above you guys.” Miss Pauling explained. She sat at the end of the table behind a cardboard screen propped up to cover her notes. Around the table were her players, seven of the nine mercenaries who agreed to test run her campaign. She had been pleasantly surprised that Engie and Demo already knew how to play, and helped in the disastrous character building process. She still couldn’t believe Scout had suggested playing a gun wielding bard. 

“Okay, but like. Is this somethin’ that’s suppose to happen?” Scout, the half-elf bard, had been asking questions like this all night.

“It’s Gargoyles and Gravel.” Engie, the dwarf cleric, was running low on his patience. “If she says it happens, then it does boy.”

“Mmmph!” Pyro, the half-devil sorcerer, gleefully clapped their hands.

“No, mate. I don’t think setting the orb on fire is a good idea.” Sniper, the wood elf ranger, tapped his pen on his character sheet. 

“Ms. Pauling.” Heavy, the half-orc barbarian, folded his hands and looked thoughtfully to her. “What do we know about this orb?”

She shuffled some papers behind her GM screen. “Uh, roll me an arcana check.” 

“Arcana is for what skill?”

“Intelligence.” Demo, the half-dragon paladin, replied. In one hand he held his 20 sided die, and in the other was his half drunk bottle of scrumpy. “Here, I’ll roll too.” He dropped his die to the table. “Well, I apparently dun believe in magic. That’s a 3 fer me.”

“Okay, what did you roll Heavy?” 

“I rolled 17. That is good, right?”

Demo leaned over, checking Heavy’s character sheet. “Be sure to add your modifier.” He whispered.

Heavy nodded. “Yes, of course, I rolled 18 then Ms. Pauling.”

‘As Malac looks up at the orb, he gets the sense that he’s seen this type of magic somewhere before. Perhaps back at the mines. An overwhelming sense of-’

“Wait! The mine’s is where we killed all those people” Scout once again interrupted. “And picked up Soldier.”

“Yes!” Soldier, the human fighter (who joined mid-session when Medic killed his in game character to go to the store and get beer), piped up with cheerful ignorance. 

“Yes, that is where we met Jane Doe.” Miss Pauling sighed. Why did she let Soldier name his character that? “Now if I can continue, please?”

‘An overwhelming sense of dread comes over you. As you all watch the orb, it floats over to the basement doorway. Illuminating a keyhole on the doorknob.’

“Oh, Snipes, ya still got the key we picked off the Doc’s corpse?” Engie snapped to attention. 

“Mmmph mmph.” 

“No, burning down the door ain’t gonna help us here, Firebug.”

Sniper looked down at his sheet. “Yeh. It’s right ‘ere. ‘Key with no master’.” He pointed to one specific line on his inventory list. 

“Well, try the door laddie.” Demo piped up before taking a swig of alcohol.

“Okay. I take the key, and I try to turn the lock with it.” Sniper emphasized his words with his hands. 

Miss Pauling rubbed her hands together. 

‘Ololar inserts the key and turns. The door swings out before him, revealing a dim stairwell.’

“Mmmph mmmmph!”

“No! We ain’t gonna use fire on this, Pyro!”

“Mmmph mph?” 

“Because we are in a wooden structure and we’d all burn to death!” Engie explained, aggravated. 

Pyro pointed to their character sheet “Mmmmph mmmph mmph.”

“Yes, I see the part that says you’re resistant to fire.” Engie pointed to his own sheet “But I am showing you the part that says my character is not! No fire, period.”

“Ladies please!” Scout snapped “Okay, so there’s stairs to the basement. The place we heard that’s cursed? And we’re just gonna go down there?”

“Pretty much laddie. I reckon we go down there if we wan the story to continue.”

“Pretty much, yeah.” Miss Pauling confirmed.

“Okay, just making sure.”

She turned her attention back to Sniper “You want to lead the party down the stairs, Sniper?”

After a quick glance at his sheet, he shook his head. “Not with my defense at 13, I don’t.” 

Soldier got up like he was about to speak. 

“Heavy will go first.” Heavy spoke before the other mercenary had the chance to.

“Okay Malac first, then-” 

Demo raised his hand. “Iorhazar”

Scout practically tripped on the table to get his hand up. “Riword”

Pyro held up their hand, and reaching over, high-fived Scout’s. “Morxes”

Engie gently pulled Pyro back to their seat. “Gramrak”

She pointed to Sniper, “You wanna go next or…” She got a nod in response. Making a few notes, she continued “Okay that means Jane will be bringing up the rear. Got that, Soldier?”

“Yes. I am going in the rear.”

“That means last, Soldier.”

“Yes. I am going in the last.”

“Moving on.” She held her gaze on the group.

‘As you walk down the stairs, you get the sense that you are being watched. It’s as if the house is alive and is tracking your steps. The creaks in the stairs are enough to put you on edge. You walk slowly. Slowly you reach the bottom of the stairs. There’s a door right at the bottom, it is old, and wet. It smells of mold and decay. The moldy door is slightly ajar. You can hear the faint murmur of high-pitched voices inside. Soldier, I mean, Jane recognizes their speech as the Goblin tongue.’

“Goblins? So what’re they sayin’ Soldier?” Demo asked encouragingly. 

“Uh, what are the Goblins saying Miss Pauling?” Soldier whispered.

“Only an ounce more blood and the ritual is complete.” She said in her best Goblin voice “No give it here, Leechnose, you’re doing it wrong. No! No!” she giggled imitating two Goblins fighting over something in a tug-of-war.

Soldier looked at her blankly. 

She coughed, composing herself. “That’s what they’re saying Soldier, you might want to let your party know what you heard.”

He turned to the rest of the mercenaries “What she said.”

“So they’re doing some sorta ritual?” Engie rubbed his hand over his chin. “Wonder what for?”

“Perhaps it is same as curse that killed doktor?” Heavy suggested. 

“What, the desire for more beer?” Scout asked.

“In game, Scout.” Engie put his forehead in his hand. “But that is a good point, Heav. What if the curse that killed Doc and the Goblin ritual are connected?”

“Then I would advise we continue cautiously, we don’t know what-” Sniper began.

“Miss Pauling, I kick down the door!” Soldier interrupted. 

“That is exactly what we shouldn’t be doin in this situation, man!” Scout shouted.

‘Jane pushes his way through the group and busts down the door. Inside he sees…’ 

She paused to roll some dice. 

‘Four Goblins. Two are standing closer to the door and the other two are back against the edge of the room. “Who in the nine hells is yous?” the larger of the two back Goblins screeches.’

Silence.

“He was talking to you, Soldier.” Miss Pauling whispered. 

“I am Soldier.”

“Your character, their talking to your character, Soldier.” Demo explained, taking another sip of scrumpy. 

“Oh.” Soldier replied sheepish. “I am Jane.”

‘“And what exactlys do you think yous is doing here?”’

“We are in this house because we are here to stop a curse that killed our friend.”

‘“We, huh?” the Goblin rubs his grubby little hands together. “So there’s more of you?”’

“Yes. I’m here with my friends.”

“Soldier don’t tell ‘em we’re here!” Scout said in a practically pleading tone. 

‘“Sniffles, Coughy, Flem!” He says as he picks up a wooden club. “Let’s get ‘em”’

“Everyone roll me initiative!” Miss Pauling clapped her hands together. She took a few moments to write down everyone’s rolls and roll for her Goblins behind the screen. “Scout, you’re first. What does Riword do?”

Scout stared blankly at his character sheet. “Uh, how ‘bout I take out my sword thingy and stab one of the Goblins with it?”

“Roll to hit.”

He plopped his die to the table. “God freakin dammit!”

“Yep, that there’s a crit fail.” Engie observed. 

‘Riword takes a step forward but a bug flies into his mouth. He chokes and collapses to the wet, decaying, floor.’

“Can I get up?” Scout asked. 

“Is it your turn?” Miss Pauling inquired.

“I don’t know, is it my turn still?”

“No.” She responded. “Heavy, Malac’s up next. What do you do?”

“Is Scout still choking?” Heavy asked calmly.

Miss Pauling rolled a die behind her screen. “Yes.”

“What? Really?!” Scout interjected. 

“Ok. Heavy would like to help teammate stop choking. What does Heavy roll?”

“Uh, medicine I guess.”

He rolled his die. “That is 7.”

“Please tell me that’s without your modifier man, I’m dying here!”

“Oh, right.” He glanced to his sheet. “That is 6.”

“What! How is your modifier making it lower?” Scout questioned.

“Heavy is barbarian. Heavy does not need wisdom.” 

‘Malac presses his hands on Riward’s stomach. He doesn’t appear to know what he’s doing. He presses once, and the bug flies out. He presses again, and the half-elf is gasping for air. He presses a third time, Riword has now passed out.’

“Dude, stop trying to help me!”

‘Malac stops after the third attempt.’

“That’s Heavy’s turn. Now it’s time for Leechnose’s turn, and he is targeting…” she rolled behind the screen. “Jane.”

“Yes Miss Pauling?” Soldier asked.

“Does a 15 hit your character?”

Soldier looked at his sheet confused. Demo peered over his shoulder and shook his head.

“Okay, Leechnose comes at your character and swings. He misses his first attack, and…” she rolled again. “Misses again, that was a 14. And now we’re on to Ololar. What does your character do, Sniper?”

“Same thing as last fight.” Sniper rolled a die. “I’m marking the furthest Goblin from me and shooting it with me shortbow. I rolled an 18, I assume that hits, yeah?”

She flipped some papers. “Yep. That hit. What was the damage?” 

He rolled another die “8 plus…” he rolled again. “…5, 13 total.”

“Okay, that was Coughy you hit and he isn’t dead, but is close.”

Sniper gave a thumbs up in response.

“Now it’s Morxes’ turn, Pyro.”

“Mmmph mmph!”

“Okay, Morxes’ casts firebolt. Roll to hit.”

Pryo rolled their die. 

“No freakin way, dude!” Scout exclaimed. “That’s your fourth 20 in a row!”

Pyro pointed to their sheet. 

“Twinned spell, that’s fine Pyro. Roll on the magic table if you would too.”

Pyro rolled another die, then pointed to a spot in the rule book.

Engie started to laugh. “That’s another three targets getting the 4d10 lightning damage.” 

“Un-freakin-believable.” Scout pressed his hands to his face.

Miss Pauling stared down at her notes. “Yeah, with a crit and the lightning, those Goblins are dead. Good job, uh, guys.” She rolled a die. “35 exp each.”

“How do you get so lucky at this stupid game?” Scout muttered to Pyro bitterly. He wrote his experience down. 

Pyro shrugged, rather smug.

‘As the final Goblin drops dead, from a combination of fire and lightning, the orb manifests above you guys again. It floats down to the end of the room. As it passes, it stops briefly above a pedestal before moving on. It is floating above-’

“Pedestal? What’s on the pedestal?” Scout asked.

“Everyone roll perception.” A few dice rolls later, she continued 

‘On the pedestal lies an amulet. It is very old and rusted. It is covered in blood, from the Goblin ritual. And Iorhazar,’ she nodded to the Demo who rolled highest ‘You have the feeling that this amulet is bad news.’

Demo nodded in response. “The amulet’s not important, laddies.” he said in character, “Let’s just move on to the-”

“Miss Pauling! I pick up the amulet!” Soldier interrupted. 

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

Have you played D&D? If so do you have any funny stories?

OH BOY DO I

i’m both a player and a DM, so you can imagine the kind of shenanigans that happened :°> 

-

like that one time i was playing a cleric in @cindersalad‘s session, and she’s pretty much the top dog of her convent. the group was resting up there before leaving for the next adventure, and some characters (my second one included) decided it would’ve been a fun idea, in the middle of the night, to climb the belltower and make a messfor no reason at all, they just wanted to make a funny prank on the churchladies.it resulted in my cleric girl forcing them to kneel on chickpeas as punishment and ignore them the next day, in which she allowed most people in the team to have a free train ride due her position while the remaining three had to pay

in the same group we also have this big cool ice dragonborn lady and a water elf (his name is bob and i love him) who keep on bickering about everything and calling eachother lizard and fish, and said dragonborn, being always cool and strong and aggressive, act like a puppy as soon as she saw snow - or again the team asking for some sparkling water in a tavern, discovering nobody knows what that is and therefore somehow ending up inventing it!

-

in another group that didnt have the best DM but in which we played in, what... seven? eight? it was a big big team - we had the local ranger turning into a dog to catch the bad guy’s scent, and as soon as he went to explain the team he was reminded he was, in fact, still a dog. so he couldn’t talkand thus the other ranger of the group was like “TIME TO USE MY ANIMAL HANDLING PROFICIENCIES” and they spent the next hour with a guy going “BARK BARK BARK” and the other badly translating whatever he was saying - all of which concluded in finding a big monster who preferred to kill and eat humansand, of course, my baby boy was the only human in a group. he got made fun of to hell and back because everyone’s a JERK >:C but also he was the one who gave the very last hit to the beast with a nat 20 so who’s the puny lil human NOW?!

- 

and, of course... my sessions.oh my lord my sessions. in my discord group, the funniest memory was when they finally reached the big city, and i started explaining there was a certain shop for every need, in case they wanted to buy and sell something. in an armor shop you can buy and sell only armors, in the magic shop you can buy and sell only magic stuff, etc. it was simpletoo bad one of them had, in fact, an hammer. a tiny normal hammer, the one y’all use to put nails on the wall. simple stuff i consider a normal item, so of course when @genuinely-satan decided to sell it i was like “ok, sell it to the item shop”, but nono no no, half of the group wanted to prove a point, and wanted to sell it to the weapon shop for they thought it, in fact, counted as weapon. they spent so much fucking time asking literally every single NPC if a normal goddamn hammer was a weapon or an item.

- 

and, of course... my current IRL session, again with me DMing and @cindersalad and another friend playing. it’s set in a military academy, and for the lesson the teacher wanted them to try and understand the difference between something that was hit the light magic and a normal lightbulbsilv’s character, tomyn, rolls really low and doesn’t understand it (which is also IC, since he’s more akin to your usual tank with big strenght and low int), while the other rolls very high. cue misunderstatement, and from now on it’s apparently a recurring joke that tomyn never saw a lightbulb before

he’s going to lose it one of these days, i already know it. one of the bosses is gonna die because of this.

[sunnysojourn]

Bridging The Gap Between Two Realms

Full thread below the cut.

sunnysojourn: 

Nadal had come along as a bit of an accessory for Poppy today, though he’d add on one little detail to his plan’s recap before they approached the forest where she had these rendezvouses with her as-of-yet unknown dark elf friend.

“Let me speak to him for a moment first,” he offered, holding his hand out as if the offer was of a physical item. “I believe there are things I can say to him that you could not. Then, you can begin to try to-- softly-- put your perspective forth. I may have to translate this into terms he will understand.”

@themaryiestsuetoeversue​:

It was just her and Nadal, like she promised - well, Noir was sort of in the rough area, with the rest of the party, she assumed - boy, not having a link to these three was annoying - but not in the designated meeting clearing. She couldn't stop herself from looking for his birds, before looking at Nadal's offered hand, too nervous to take it.

"That's a good plan. The best plan. Explain everything - because I think all I can do at this point is apologize, still. He'd believe you over me..."

She didn't even have the bag of stuff nor her crossbow, in an attempt to both be nonthreatening and avoid the eyes of bandits.

What was she saying, though - they'd discussed this! Damn her nerves for erasing everything...

"I'm gonna try to do what we talked about. Gonna...gonna plant a seed..."

@vassarazorclaw:

The sparrows knew first, chattering about new faces amongst themselves.  Gossip was a past time of the forest's residents, so it wasn't long before the the ravens knew, and by that rote, Ran also became aware.  He consulted his spellbook and took his skinning knife with him...just in case.

He made sure his steps were light and silent as he followed Salmon's flight from tree to tree.  Better to leave no trail back home.  The raven perched himself in the high branches and Ran felt Soup's talons prick reassuringly through his tunic.  The ranger breached the tree line silently, tense as he took in the pair.  Where was Noir?  Was this an escape on Poppy's part or was this a trap?

"Hello again.  Hello."  The second greeting was for Poppy's companion.  One of the brothers no doubt.  The elderboy maybe?  Then where were the other two?  Ran's fingers twitched.  <Are you well?  Are you safe?>

sunnysojourn:

Nadal snapped to attention, and starkly took a defensive stance. Though he carried no weapon and only wore his bright red clerical robes, he could still defend himself in a pinch-- but he eased upon the sight of the ranger. "<She hardly knows our tongue,>" he spoke, in the language of their people. "Nice to meet you. <I am Nadal Hun'ar, Seventhboy and First Daughter.>" He gave a respectful curtsey to the ranger, then continued, "<I will explain the latter half of that title in due time; all you need remember is that you and I are equals and this small meeting was at my request.>"

Now, he pointed a confused raise of the eyebrows in Ran's direction. "<Now, why should I be unsafe? You have seen the two of them, haven't you?>"

@vassarazorclaw:

Ran shifted back, ready to bolt back into the woods.  But the other elf relaxed so Ran relaxed.  Slightly.  What a strange introduction.  Why would the seventh boy be here as a speaker and not the elderboy?  Something was up.

Poppy was the one that offered to "bring him along" so why was he claiming he asked for the meeting?  Where was Noir?  Soup pushed off his shoulder, off to scout for the moon elf.

<I've seen them.>  Was he meant to be saving Poppy from Nadal then?  Ran flexed his fingers.  He could...maybe get the spell off in time?  Or not?  This wasn't going how Ran had imagined.  <It's really just the one I'm worried about, really.  But if you're safe, that's good.  I thought you might be...uh, very, very out of favor...with Matron Hun'ar.>

The slave market could have gotten dark elves UP just as easily as they dragged surfacers DOWN right?

sunnysojourn:

Nadal frowned, appraising the strange ranger's words. Out of favor he may have been, but his mother wouldn't waste resources like that unless-- Unless she found out about him, he imagined.

"<I was. Horribly out of favor, in fact. You see, I was one of Vhaeraun's people. I still revere him even now, to some extent. But you see, Poppy and Noir rescued me from the slavers' chains. Mostly Noir. Poppy had also been captured.>" Truth was like water. Just enough of it would keep him alive. "<I have allowed them the use of my surface home since then.>"

He straightened up tall. "<Morennil, our eldest, followed me out. Vyth, I dragged out myself. Speaking of, I have been informed that-- because these people don't understand our ways-- you might be under the impression that you would be punished if you are not unreasonably nice to Vyth whether or not you like him? Disregard that notion. If you become his friend, that is your choice.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

There was that Vyth again.  Ran scowled.  <How was Vyth dragged with you exactly?>  Ran had a guess but it didn't speak well of Nadal's character.  The story explained spoke better of Morennil, really.  Vyth just seemed to be along for the ride either way.  Must be tough.

<If Vyth and I become friends that's...also dependent on him.>  One sided friendships apparently weren't real, after all.  <...but yes, I had been informed that I had "better be nice" to him, or else it would upset Poppy.  And given that I may be on thin ice with Noir I...feel it's in my best interest to not upset Poppy.>

sunnysojourn:

If only Nadal's back could get any straighter, he'd do that now. "<I returned to the underdark and took him with me,>" he answered. "<If being Vhaeraunite was enough to get me sold, and Vyth is himself an enemy of Lolth, would you not agree that it was in his best interest to come with me before someone found him out?>" Even if he didn't trust himself for the longest time--

His composure broke completely once he heard the exact words Poppy had used come out of Ran's mouth. "<I'm sorry, she said what?> Poppy, you didn't tell me-- <When she came crying to me about how she thought you didn't want to be her friend anymore, she had not told me she used explicitly forceful language to address you. I apologize on her behalf. I have no idea what she was thinking when she said that. You are not going to be punished if the two of you do not end up in an amicable relationship.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

Going back was certainly brave.  Ran had to commend Nadal for going back to get his brother.  He nodded.  That sorted out the first part of the Vyth conundrum.   <That makes sense.>

He relaxed even further as Soup confirmed for him Noir's location.  Out by the river, preoccupied with chores.  Still, Salmon continuing his lookout couldn't hurt.  He blinked, focusing back on the view in front of him.  <Oh.  She was crying?>

That couldn't be good.  He fidgeted, fiddling with his own fingers.  <It's fine.  Not that she was crying!  I mean, I want to be friends with her!  It's simply that I may have made overtures at her without knowing her exact relationship with Noir who--don't tell her I said this but she is awful at watching Poppy.  When we met Noir was not so graceful in reacting to my greeting?  Neither was Poppy, actually, thinking on it.  But uh, I feel that sort of, well, I feel like Noir may have it out for me but has not acted because I have Poppy's favor?  At least a little.  I mean, it was nice before the uh, the whole thing where I thought maybe she was collecting dark elves.  But she isn't!  Which is great.>

sunnysojourn: 

Nadal straightened up again, hands at his sides where Ran could see them. The look on his face returned to its usual half-lidded neutrality, and it seemed the tension had simmered down a bit, despite Ran's lengthy ramble.

"<Your footsteps are whisper quiet. You even startled me for a moment.>" That was as much as he needed to say about that. Nobody needed to dwell on the fact that he got scared by a noodle with messy hair. "<Noir is harmless once she meets someone. The two of them... really, they're the furthest from graceful I've ever seen, but they mean well and they'd like to improve.>"  One hand hovered over his belt's purple buckle, a color that didn't quite go with the bright red target he wore. "<I, too, have made overtures in Poppy's direction. As it turns out, she's only interested in female bodies.>"

He flipped the switch from purple to pink, and let everything shift-- regained his balance-- then bowed his head all the same. "<This...>" His voice, though starkly feminine, still resided in the low range for his sex. Just as it did before. "<This is a longer story and I'll explain it later. When I'm not trying to bridge the gap between you two.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

When was being part of the background bad?  It was better not to attract attention!  Safer!  Just quietly go about your work.  Ran likewise didn't agree that Noir was harmless.  She definitely had the potential to do harm.  Well, the potential for intent to harm.  Well...she was quick to consider violence as a solution.

Ran's train of thought stalled.  What.  OKAY.  First daughter now made sense, but--WHAT.  His eyes slid to Poppy.  Poppy was safe to look at.  "Salmon."

The raven landing on his shoulder was a comforting weight.  Ran reached up to dig his fingers into thick feathers.  Right, he could do this.  He took a breath and looked back at Nadal.  <Right, okay.  That's fine.  So, to be clear, no one is being held hostage and no one was actually enforcing a hierarchy?>

sunnysojourn: 

Noir would be harmless soon and that was what mattered. Shame Nadal couldn't say they'd speak to her about this, or risk losing favor with Ran-- so he just added a qualifier to the word 'harmless'. He offered a second curtsey to Ran as the ranger finally gained the nerve to look upon him again.

Maybe he wasn't quite as far gone as Nadal's practice runs would have suggested. Only one way to find out:

"<To be clear?>" He repeated, as a question. "<The surface is not the underdark. These people have no idea why you'd make either of those assumptions.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

Ran took in a breath.  <Okay.  Fair.>  His eyes flitted upward.  Ah, there she was.  He held out an arm for his second raven to land on.  Feathery comfort.

<It may have also been...a language barrier.>  Ran understood more than he could string together, but what he could string together wasn't always received how he intended.  <And I guess I wasn't very outspoken in my worries?  I'll have to expand my vocal-bulary.>

He turned his face, briefly hiding it in Salmon's feathers.  Dictionary and diction needed improvement for sure.

sunnysojourn:

Commoner, then. Any noble would have been taught how to taunt his surface enemies and appear intelligent while doing so... His advice, were Ran a noble, would have been to ask more questions about their intent, but that wouldn't be possible as long as Ran's common wasn't up to snuff.

He nodded, stifling a smile at Ran's little pun. "<You have a choice, then. You can wait for us to tutor Poppy and Noir in our tongue, or one of us could stick around and tutor you in theirs. Poppy, she's intelligent, but we have many pressing matters that tend to get in the way. I'd like to do this, personally, but logically, I would ask Vyth-- he understands native speech better than I do-- if he would teach you.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

Tutoring?  It would be helpful.  Really, he just needed time to practice.  Market trips were good, but hanging out bothering merchants seemed a bit like asking for too much.  He hummed, fighting to keep from grinning.

<I wouldn't want to hold you up from your travels?  Given the gaps between visits, I assume travel is important to Poppy.>  Having someone over for longer than a visit might be nice, but... <Also my house is rather small?  I guess I never really foresaw having guests my size over, really.>

sunnysojourn:

"<Travel is very important to Poppy,>" Nadal confirmed with a nod to punctuate the statement. "<However.>" He folded his arms behind his back, to stand firm at attention. "<The others would continue to travel.  We would leave one person here, temporarily. Then retrieve them. I'm certain Vyth wouldn't mind the stability.>"

Neither would he, if he was being honest about things. "Poppy, he tells me that he has been particularly fearful with regard to Noir, who he sees as not only dangerous, but as potentially vengeful, considering he acted outside of his assumed station. That she had not acted due only to your favor."

@themaryiestsuetoeversue:

Poppy sighed. Yeah, that made a lot of sense. "She did kind of point her sword at him when we first met..." She shook her head. "Noir's okay with him now, though! Since, like, he hasn't tried to hurt me or anything and honestly..." She didn't trust Nadal to NOT directly translate this, but he'd definitely read between the lines anyway. "She knows I know how to refuse, even if I feel bad about it..."

Ran was so nice, was the thing. It wasn't like turning down a raunchy squire from back home or a leering bard from on the road.

"Noir only acts if somebody's gonna hurt me, and we're both pretty certain Ran will never do that. She kinda thinks his attempts at courtship were, um..." Oh, this would sound so insulting... "Funny? Because she knows how loyal I am and what my answer would be." Sorry Ran, you never had a chance to begin with. Maybe if she were single and you were a woman, but only then. The situation with Nadal was, uh...

Different. Poppy could only handle so many lovers, and knowing that Nadal could basically function if she ran into a streak of not much free time to spend with him went a long way in making this work.

"He doesn't have to be afraid of Noir, she won't hurt him."

sunnysojourn:

Nadal nodded and kept his expression flat, even when Poppy told him about how Noir was... basically making fun of the poor commoner over his crush. "<Noir only harms those who are a definitive threat, she says. Noir has determined that it is not in your desire to commit assault against Poppy. That is all that matters.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

Wow.  Ran stroked his fingers over Soup's back thoughtfully.

"Si siofme coi ui diwhafup batobot ihk creolna nouhaia mrith wer tokeqwim di jacioniv thurirl, jaciv ui gethrisja vi sumf."  Soup mused.  Salmon laughed, bobbing on Ran's shoulder.

"Lemon, wux jalla visp jacioniv batobot!"  Ran...was clearly missing something.  He gave both ravens a pat.

[I'm not telling her that.]  The response was in yet another language, and maybe four tongues on the table was a little too much.  Undercommon could at least be understood by everyone but Poppy?  Ran shook his head.

<I wasn't exactly a fighter down below, and I'm not too keen on picking fights up here, so no worries on that front.  I think I'm pretty over it.  Being friends is fine.  Uh, if Vyth really wouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind having a tutor.  It's really just getting to practice and having time to do it.>

sunnysojourn:

Nadal leaned a bit more toward Poppy as he translated Ran's words to Common. "He claims he has gotten over his crush, if that helps you in any way. He is also worried that there was too much of a language barrier between the two of you, and I have offered to ask Vyth if he might stay and tutor Ran or help him practice."

To Ran, he added, "<If everything is well between you, might I ask a personal question? Just from me to you.>"

@themaryiestsuetoeversue:

"It makes me feel better that I didn't hurt his feelings, yes." Claims, though...poor guy. You'll find someone eventually, Ran!

"That's okay but make sure Vyth actually wants to stay, of his own free will." And then maybe they could come back in a month, see how the tutoring went... Heck, she should've been practicing Draconic somehow. "Learning Common will help him beyond being able to communicate with me, so if Vyth's up for it, I don't mind. This place isn't too dangerous for people like Vyth."

@vassarazorclaw:

Ran honestly wasn't looking.  It just would have been nice.  Poppy wouldn't have been an ideal partner, really, if he was pragmatic about it.  What with her lust for travel and all.  Enough of one to drag at least four others along with her it seemed.  Though...maybe some of that was Noir.

<I don't mind personal questions, ask away!>  This was nice, talking in his mother tongue.  Though maybe he just thought that because Poppy and Nadal were talking at a hard to follow pace.  Too many new words  among familiar ones or ones he knew well.

sunnysojourn:

"If Vyth decides not to, then I'll do it," Nadal replied in Common. While that succinct response hung in the air, he turned his attention wholly on Ran, keeping his arms folded behind his straightened back.

"<There is this surface custom surrounding courtship... A...> date, <I believe it's called. Where two people come together and determine their compatibility, as in, how well they would do together if they knew each other intimately.>" His face heated up and he found himself thankful for two things. First, Poppy couldn't see him blushing. Second, Poppy couldn't understand how awkward the lead up to this question was. "<Would you like to try that?>"

@vassarazorclaw:

A "date"?  Ran blinked, tilting his head as Salmon tugged an errant leaf from his hair.  Nadal wanted to spend time with him?  Ran suppressed a giddy laugh.

<Okay!>  Wait, no, cool it.  <Okay!>  Nailed it.  Soup gave him a look, whispering in his head that maybe he shouldn't seem too over eager.  Little late for that.

sunnysojourn:

Gods, if Ran wasn't like an excitable little puppy... So cute.

Nadal nodded and bowed his head slightly at the end of it. "<Wonderful. Do you have a preferred day...?>" His face felt warmer than before, and he found himself blinking down at the ground a lot. He did it. He initiated an encounter and got an affirmative response. An enthusiastic affirmative response.

"<Would tonight be too soon? I need to refresh myself on how that works.>"

@vassarazorclaw:

A day?  Ran didn't have anything pressing matters on any day, really.  He set Soup on his other shoulder, smoothing down her fathers.  She huffed anyway.  Salmon gave him a pat with his beak.  <Any day is fine!>

Ran shook his head, grinning.  <Tonight is good!  I mean, if that's fine with you!  It's fine with me!>

sunnysojourn:

Tonight. Tonight was good. Okay. Nadal could prepare for that within the day, he was sure. "<Could we meet here again? It should only be a few hours.>"

"Poppy. I think I have a date tonight." He still continued slow blinking. "I am going to need to look that custom up again."

@vassarazorclaw:

<Oh yes!  I can be back here in a few hours easily.>  That was enough time to wash up and look presentable.  Check on his chickens and plants and maybe a few of the traps closer to home?  How did you prepare for a date?

<I'll see you in a few hours then!>  Ran waved, trotting off with the same quiet steps he'd entered with.

[feyland]

Initiative

I’m supposed to be working on my fic for the Bishop Myriel fundraiser buuuuut I also can’t get this concept out of my head. Blame @mardisoir for encouraging me.  Read on AO3.  Companion piece to Devil’s Backbone

“You pass through the seven gates from the palace, to the edge of the cliff that marks the border of Limbo. From below, you can hear what sounds like a massive windstorm. You can’t tell if the wailing is just the wind, or if there are voices underneath it.”

“Hang on, I want to see if I can tell that or not,” Joly said, interrupting Grantaire’s monologue.

“Alright, roll Perception.”

Joly shook the die in his cupped hands, blowing on it for luck, as he always did.

“16!”

“Alright, you can tell that the wailing is, shockingly, coming from the people who are in literal Hell. Anyway, before you can start down into the second circle, Virgil holds out a hand to make you pause. ‘I must warn you,’ he says, ‘I can guide you through the horrors of this place, but as I have no corporeal form, I cannot help you stave off any enemies. If you are attacked and killed, you will be trapped in that circle forever. Be wary. The living were never meant to see this place.’”

“So basically whenever we get into a fight, he’s going to be on the sidelines just yelling, like, ‘KICK HIS ASS!’ at us?” Bossuet asked.

“Oh, for sure,” said Grantaire, grinning. “And you know he’ll be all, ‘If I were alive I would have beaten that zombie in one move, too bad I can’t prove it.’”

Gavroche let out an impatient breath, rolling his eyes. “Can we PLEASE get to the part where we fight some things? We’ve been talking to those boring old dudes for like YEARS.”

“Okay, fine, geez, forgive me for all my creative world building.”

“You mean the world building you lifted from Dante?” Jehan said, a wicked smile on their face.

“Oh shut up Jehan. You almost peed yourself when you figured out what I was doing,” Grantaire shot back. “Anyway. You start down the steep, narrow path. As you descend, the howling gets louder, and you can feel the force of the wind picking up with every step. By the time you reach the bottom, it’s blowing so hard that your speed is reduced by half. Around you, you can see the tortured spirits being blown around roughly, alone with a significant amount of dust. Their cries combine with the howling wind, resulting in a horrible symphony of hopelessness that drowns out any other sound.”

“I want to roll Perception,” Montparnasse said. Beside him, Jehan beamed. It was the first campaign session they had managed to lure Montparnasse to. A new arc of the longstanding adventure Grantaire had started over a year before seemed the perfect place to integrate someone new. Montparnasse had danced around the suggestion of joining for several weeks, but Jehan had noticed the increasing interest in which Montparnasse had listened to their retellings of sessions.

“I wish I had had the opportunity to play when I was a kid,” they had sighed as they lay in bed with Montparnasse one night. “I played a lot of pretend, but it was mostly by myself. Sometimes I still get amazed that I have friends who like to do dorky shit with me. I’m not the weirdo talking to themself, making things up alone anymore. I’m a weirdo in a group, which is much more fun.”

Montparnasse had kissed their forehead, letting his thoughts take shape as Jehan fell asleep curled into his side. The next morning, he had dropped down next to them on the couch and asked for help filling out his character sheet.

Soon after, Montparnasse’s tiefling warlock joined Jehan’s drow ranger, Bossuet’s dwarf fighter, Joly’s elf cleric, and Gavroche’s dragonborn barbarian in an adventure of Grantaire’s making. A fitting one, Montparnasse had said, since he was already destined to end up in Hell.

“That’s a 17 plus 2,” he said to Grantaire, smirking.

“Alright, fine, you hear under very loud screaming wind the sound of something scraping alone the stone, like massive nails. Do you let anyone know?”

“Obviously. Ranavalona is true neutral, not true idiot.”

“Alright, so you say, ‘Hey I hear some weird claw-like noises,’ just as a stench of decay hits you. Out of the dust, a figure is looming. It’s a twisted version of a humanoid, huge and skeletal, gaunt skin stretched over sharp bone. It has wings like a giant insect, talons as long as short swords on its hands and feet, and a long, skeletal, scorpion tail tipped with red. This is a bone devil, and it’s your welcoming committee to Hell. Roll initiative.”

“Oh shiiiiiiit,” Bossuet said as they all reached for their dice.

Jehan snuck a glance at Montparnasse as he scrolled through the spell list on his phone. The intensity on his face made them smile. As flippant as he could be, Jehan recognized the ambition and competitiveness breaching the facade.

“Joly, you’re up,” Grantaire said once an order had been established.

“Okay, I cast Magic Circle around us. It creates a 10 foot wide, 20 foot high cylinder around us. The fiend type creature can’t enter the circle through non-magical means, and has disadvantage on attacks against any of us while we’re inside it.”

“Sweet. Nice set up,” Grantaire said. “Gav, you go.”

“I go into a rage and charge it!”

“If you do that, you’ll be out of Joly’s protective circle.”

“Whatever, man! Archibald Cunningham Pickles ain’t afraid of no bone devil!”

“Alright, roll to hit.”

The delight in Gavroche’s face as he landed blows on the devil was infectious, with even Montparnasse cracking a smile his way. Gavroche had been giddy with mirth when Montparnasse had joined the group, all too ready to mock the learning curve of a new player. Even so, there was pride in his expression when Montparnasse asked him for advice, drawing on Gavroche’s frankly astounding memory for details from the Player’s Handbook.

“The bone devil is going to go next-”

“What’s its name?” Bossuet interrupted.

“Uh, Virgil pops up beside you and says, ‘Oh shit sons, this is Cromslor the Foul’, and then he peaces out again because he's totally useless to you right now other than apparently having a great memory of the name of every single monster in the underworld. Anyway, Cromslor is going to go, and he has three attacks. First one’s aimed at you, Gav. He’s gonna try and swipe you with his claws. 14 against AC?”

“Ha! Miss! Eat shit, Cromslor!” Gavroche crowed.

“Well then he’s aiming his second hit your way too…and that’s a 22. I assume that get you?”

“Shit!”

“Watch your fucking mouth, kid. Cromslor rakes his huge, dirty, unmanicured claws across your chest, catching you for 8 slashing damage.”

“I have resistance to slashing! So that’s only 4! Suck it, Cromslor!”

“Yeah, Cromslor, get wrecked,” echoed Bossuet.

“Just for that, his last attack is coming your way, Bo,” Grantaire said with a wicked grin. “And he saved his best for last. He’s going to try and get you with his horrifying bone tail. That’s an 18.”

“That hits,” sighed Bossuet.

“But he has disadvantage because of Joly’s spell so…oh, dang, that’s a nat 20; he gets you either way. He whips his butt around, and just fuckin nails you, man. That’s, shit, 13 piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution save to see if you’re poisoned or not.”

“Dwarves have advantage against poison…ha! 16! Does that save?”

“Shockingly, for once in your goddamn life, you actually saved against something,” Grantaire said. “He still knocked you on your ass, though. Don’t get an ego over it. Montparnasse, your turn.”

“I cast…Hunger of Hadar. A dark gateway opens in a 20-foot sphere around the devil. It’s blinded and deafened as it’s encased in a warp of time and space. It takes 2d6 cold damage, and it has to succeed a dexterity save or else take acid damage from the ‘milky, otherworldly tentacles’ that rub against it.”

A beat of silence, followed by Grantaire’s quiet, “holy shit.”

“That’s some Lovecraftian material right there,” said Jehan.

“I picked the wrong class,” said Bossuet in awe.

“Parnasse is into tent porn!” Gavroche exclaimed, delighted.

“Gav! You shouldn’t know what that is!” Joly moaned.

The game descended into madness. Hysterical laughter and the shrieks of being too deeply invested in the fantasy filled the apartment. Jehan’s lightning arrows managed to hit their target, but also caught Bossuet’s character at the same time. Wails of betrayal were voiced as Bossuet swore revenge, a promise that was challenged on account of his poor hit record, immediately exemplified as he rolled a critical fail on his attack against the bone devil. By the time Gavroche landed the final blow, cleaving the creature’s rotting head from its neck, the group was nearly in tears with laughter, working to catch their breaths as though they had fought the battle themselves.

Montparnasse’s defences, Jehan noticed, were nowhere to be seen.

[serlymurly]

A RANT ABOUT CHARACTERS, CREATION, AND THE PROCESS OF BEING INSANE

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Let’s have a rant. A good, old fashioned rant about something that’s been nagging at my mind. First, paint the scene;

It’s 6 in the morning. The sun is rising outside. The love of my life is asleep in bed, our cat is in a box lined with a fuzzy blanket that I could have draped around my shoulders because frankly, it’s a bit cold. We have no creamer, and I think coffee wouldn’t help this headache that’s pounding away at my skull - and I have four people talking in my head.

Did I lose you yet? Probably not. It’s pretty straight forward. First - the puppy nailed to the wall. Four people talking in my head, what? Well - technically, I think they’re all me. But on a different level, only two of them are me. Got it?

One of me is going on about how this is all, in fact, a terrible idea and that to post any of this is to admit to a certain kind of insanity that I really shouldn’t be admitting to. This isn’t normal, on any level; I’ve never heard people talk about it, and the only person that I’m aware is actually on point with how I do things in writing is asleep.

The other part of me really wants banana bread, and frankly, I can’t fault that. Can you? Of course you fucking can’t, unless you’re allergic to bananas. Fuck yeah, banana bread.

Then, there’s the other two. One is a face that people who follow me are familiar with; James Oaklen. Don’t know who he is? Probably not! I’ll talk about him later. And he’s having a lovely conversation with this newest creation, this newest part of my intracranial house - Aeslen. But I won’t talk about her. Not yet.

So, yes. Four people. All adamantly talking their points, all actively going on and doing their own thing; existing in some level on a scene that I’ve always had in my head. Let’s explain that bit, shall we? Sorry this is disjointed - again, no coffee.

Flash back I don’t know how many years, and I was a young, young boy. I barely had any understanding of how to type; I’d never played a game outside of Banjo-Kazooie and Super Mario 64, games that required a controller.

I will spare the dirty details, but life at home was not perfect. There was yelling; there was hitting, there was strife, and a family that was slowly tearing itself apart. I could see the writing on the wall when I was 7, that’s how bad it was. So - my mom decides it’s a good idea to introduce me to this game she plays.

A game called Ultima Online.

And holy crap, that was amazing! I spent hours doing nothing of any importance on her computer, on our shitty internet in that crappy home in Ohio, just exploring this world with a character that I had created with my own two hands in a whole other world. This was a concept that I had never experienced; this was a new and exciting frontier for me. I named him Krill because that’s a COOL name and it sounds COOL. I gave him flaming red hair, I made him a paladin, and I spent hours just trying to kill skeletons in a really easy area at the start of the game because I kept forgetting how to fight things.

And then, one day, everything changed. UO, it turns out, maybe just the server I was on - had a very active community of this thing called ‘Role Players’. Weird, right? People who actively played out their characters as real, living things - in this world. Personalities, histories, everything. I stumbled on them by accident when I got lost in the big castle in the main town of the game.

There, at the time, was a bunch of high-end guilds. One was the Orcs (it was just people with orc masks on, but they pretended to be orcs and they rocked at it). There was the Highlanders (they wore kilts and I REALLY WANTED TO BE ONE). There was a merchant guild, and - all these other guilds I feel bad not remembering. And I was just this little seven-year old kid with a character named Krill with flaming red hair that walks into the middle of this big, IC meeting they were having. Imagine them responding to me with actual respect?

Imagine them actually… explaining what they were doing? With respect? I was so awestruck, I asked if I could play. They made me door guard. Boy, LET ME TELL YOU, I took that job so seriously. I stood just outside the meeting and I could see all their little talk, all while making sure nobody entered without permission. I was so hyped.

That, that stuck with me. Okay? Remember that. The idea - the concept that they had presented to me, this way that you could live another life through a digital form. That stuck with me.

But - well, things change. People. Lives. I never really got into the RP scene on that game; I wandered around and pretended to be part of things, but it was mostly them politely recognising me and letting me watch them do stuff. I only had an hour each day online, so it just - wasn’t enough. Eventually, my mom stopped paying for her UO account due to issues. So - back to the nintendo and other things.

Flash forward. Divorce imminent between the two parents. The world is collapsing around us children. My sisters are massive assholes, my brother and I feel like we’re alone together in a sea. So… in a desperate attempt to keep his spirits up, I introduce him to the concept. “Let’s pretend to be Link and go slay invisible monsters!”

Stupid, right? So we pick up sticks and start staying as far away from our house as we could. We’d talk about all the things we were fighting, we’d hit each other with ‘swords’, we’d drag our local friends into it! We just - disassociated. I think for him, it was mostly the swinging the sticks that was interesting; always fighting, always smacking things. But for me? I was using my mind to, you know. Envision such grandiose and wondrous things for us to be fighting! I was imagining landscapes, unspeakable monsters, and the type of person that I would be!

That evolved. Stuff happened again. We moved from where we’d been living to a new environment; Michigan. I like Michigan, don’t get me wrong; fucking love it there. But, well - we were young. I didn’t know anyone, and it was 5th grade. And then - more stuff happened.

I won’t go into nitty details, but one of my sister’s had a major incident occur. This lead to the family being put under more strain, which eventually finally snapped the cord. Grandparents died. One suddenly, one from cancer shortly after. A nasty, nasty divorce that left me feeling horrible. I was convinced that I could have stopped it - all of it. I was convinced that I should have; since I wanted to be that big hero, remember? Since I wanted to shoulder all the burdens.

I took it upon myself to never show any problems outwardly, after that point. I just smiled and acted silly and nobody really paid me much mind. “Oh, he’s always fine!” It’s about this time I got into (GASP) UO again. Freeservers, this time; technically, I think that was illegal, but who cares. I got deep into it; I made my first *real* RP character, who was of course a massive dork. Leone, a grey elf ranger that ate lemons - because I’d convinced *myself* that if you ate enough lemons, you could spit caustic spit? I don’t know, I was weird.

Leone would be my staple character for a long time. So long, in fact, that I began to wonder - as maybe we all do - where he stopped and I began. Sure, he was an elf with magic and grey skin - but personality wise, I felt he was a lot like me!

Then I learned that was a cardinal sin of roleplay. Apparently, you should never - EVER - make a character like yourself. You become too attached - which I did. You become too personally involved - which I did.

Games change, years move on. I went to SWG, I played a new character - Stodosmo Oci (horrible name I know). He was a security officer at a hospital! It was great. I loved it. It was a long, boring time of just sitting and watching doctors RP it out with patients in Mos Entha. And then.. I don’t know. Things. Again.

Went from there to WoW. Technically, I’d been in WoW since Vanilla - but the lore had never struck me as interesting enough to roleplay in seriously until just before BC released. I had a series of characters there, all sharing the same last name; Rodetan. Eventually, as Wrath came to a close, I decided to consolidate them into one large family tree.

WoW’s timeline sucks. That’s all you need to know about that.

Who remembers the early days of WRA? Alliance-side, there was a guild called ‘Stormwind’s Army’. Yes, it was just another military RP guild. Yes, we did a lot of patrolling and policing. It was fun, though; my character rose from an unwashed bum to chief recruitment officer. And then - drama happened. The guild split. I followed the ‘rebels’, and we formed the Vanguard of the Alliance (VotA). That was also fun.

Anyways, I’m sparing you all the nitty-gritty details - but this is where the story, once more, becomes interesting. After so long, VotA eventually fell apart. We all went our separate ways, and eventually three of the officers let me know that they’re still RPing in-game with this new group - Blood of Arathor, I think it was called. I’m asked if I want to join them. I say - sure, but not on the character I’d been using.

At the time, I was - kind of embarrassed of that character. I still am. He’s my best success story, yes, but he felt - I don’t know. Too close to me, in some ways that I won’t get into. So I thought - why not make a NEW character?!

OH BOY.

But there was a problem. And this is what most of this rant was building up to.

I had to build a new character.

From scratch.

Alright, that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? - Except somewhere along the line of creating him - he came alive. In designing him, in creating his personality - I suddenly found that I was physically talking to myself - and in my mind, this quiet man was responding. James Oaklen, Knight of Stromgarde, was telling me about himself.

His goals. His life. His loves. His interests. All about himself; his world. How he felt about certain foods, how he felt about everything.

At the time - I had very, very acute problems in the real world. I was taking drugs, drinking heavily, I was obnoxiously depressed to the point of being borderline suicidal - and… well, this happened. What did it mean?

Don’t answer that. It’s not a real question, because it doesn’t matter.

I accepted that he was who he was - and he’s become one of my favorite recurring personalities in my characters. And he’s not the only one, anymore. At some point, this - new way of creation, this way to create characters that exist in my own mind - just, settled in.

So.. I wanted to document how it works. Sort of. Maybe you at home can replicate it?

I start by closing my eyes. I think about what races there are to choose from, what classes or skillsets; and then I just… start to see a person. Whoa, weird, huh? Just an outline. A faint outline.

So, we reach out with our mind, and we call to them; and they slowly come forward. We get an imprint, a basic idea for what they look like, in our minds. So - we go to the creator and we try to do that. As close as possible.

Then we look at the character. Scars; how did they get them? Each scar is a story in itself, and as you look - they begin to tell you about each one. As if just explaining casually. James has a scar along his neck, which he earned when he almost died defending his Lady - something that he constantly thinks about as a time that he failed.

Or, other big features? James - again, using him as an example - has a large, bushy black moustache. It’s his family’s staple, a sign of their masculinity and proof that an Oaklen has come of age.

And so on. Then, by the time we get to the point where we have to name them, they’ve already told us the most important things. We don’t just have a vague outline in our little mind shack; now, we have a PERSON. And the name? Well… That’s a limitation of the system, baby. Pick something as close to what resembles the name they called themselves, and stick to it.

I could go into more depth. I could go into the process of creating a video where I create a character, but - well, why? It’s just this vague idea that I want to get across right now. I really doubt anyone will read this five-to-seven page long spiel all the way through. But it’s just - interesting, to me. It constantly is there, this - process, these characters, these people. And not just them; worlds come just as easily. Is that the product of an over-active imagination from a man that was desperately seeking to avoid reality and paint a better fiction for himself to sit in? Probably.

But… I don’t know. When it boils down to it, I just let it happen. I get ideas in my head all the time for wondrous worlds, characters and things - but the most agonizing problem is that they can never seem to translate into text or print. I can’t paint worth a damn, I can barely draw - and the one medium I have for escape, Roleplay, is something that I barely do anymore.

So - how do I make it stop? Do I want to make it stop? Should I? How do I harness this? How do I focus it into something specific?

If you made it this far, congratulations. I don’t know how to end it, so I’m just tagging all the mmo’s I’ve ever played or remember playing for giggles. Kudos if you get all of them!

[ventrue-rosary]

All the odd numbers

Thank you so much! I’ll put in a read more because of the lenth of the behemoth!

1. A favorite character you have played.

My elf ranger Lyris is best girl

Plus she’s just really beautiful and kick-ass

3. Your favorite side quest.

Unfortunately we haven’t really done many side-quests, but there was a cool one our DM threw together to rescue our druid’s sister

5. Favorite NPC

Already answered

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Already answered

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

There’s a lot of thing I really like about DnD. I adore all the different vast worlds in the DnD universe. It’s on such a scope no one else can possibly compete with. All the different locations, the God’s, the magic, the races and classes…the entire world-building behind it is just breath-taking, and opens up so many opportunities to be creative!

Creating characters! I really love creating characters and DnD gives me a good excuse to scuplt amazing, developed characters. Not only that, but then you get to BECOME these charactera. Which brings us on to roleplay, another of my favourite things. I do adore combat but I prefer roleplaying. Idk why I do I just do.

I really like the current dnd campaign–Tyranny of Dragons. It’s just a super-fun campaign to play, and its only enhance by our DM and our party. It’s sadly on hiatus but I can’t wait to get back into it

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

Answered

13. Introduce your current party.

I can’t tag anyone in my Thursday campaign):

We have a halfling rogue named Barrett, who’s rather sly and selfish. Has very sticky fingers but he’s not pick-pocketed any party members yet thankfully. Very tongue-in-cheek when he’s talking to people

The handsome human cleric Ivor. I can’t remember his god, but he seem’s like a nice guy. Very gentle, friendly, gets along well with everyone. Raised amongst a community of tieflings, strangely enough, but still became a very compassionate person.

Humphrey, a dragonborn wizard. I remember his name because its ridiculous. Everyone else chose pretentious fantasy names (myself included). While not a bad guy, he’s a bit of a loose cannon. Tends to keep to himself a little bit, but goes all-out in combat, and thinks up very creative ways for his spells to manifest.

Our tank Azrael, goes by Rel to people he doesn’t know. He is a famed hero and soldier from his lands, but ended up banished and blacknamed by the people he protected. Despite this he has a relaitvely happy-go-lucky attitude.

Then there’s me! Order of the Lycan Blood Hunter, Elvira Branwe, Born into nobility, and into the ancient curse of lycanthropy that plagues the Branwen home, Elvira accidentally killed her own father one transformation. Her mother sent her off the the order to learn to control herself. One might think the strict training and meagre living quarters might teach her humility. Truth is, Elvira holds herself in high esteem above others and isn’t ashamed to use her family name to get what she wants.

Now, onto the on-hiatus Sunday game!

Firstly I’ll introduce @witchyeevee‘s two characters: 

Siria Dovefeathers (that’s her last name right?). A human cleric to the life domain. She may seem friendly, but you serously do not want to get on her bad side. She has no mercy for wrong-doers, and her character intro was pure badass–she essentially saved our skin. Pretty sure she broke alignment last session when threathing a cultist member but she maintains otherwise. I’ll defer to her judgment on this one

On the flip-side, Zinnu Thunderbane in the most precious bean. A dragonborn wizard belonging to a large family, the one she apparently is the runt of despite being, what 8′?? Zinnu is essentially the light of the party, but that doesn’t mean she won’t yell and get serious when the situation demands it (Lyris and Zilong’s intense rivalry one example). Whether she likes it or not my character adopted her. (Oh and I feel it’s important to mention both of these characters are extremey gay)

@that-was-fucking-spectacular plays a dragonborn barbarian names Branek who has the most tragic backstory. Basically, a dragon destroyed his entire city, killed his huband and left him half-covered in horrific burn scars. Despite this, Branek has a good heart, even if he is a it ridiculous at times. He and my character entered a relationship last we played. You blame Beth for the trend in naming our weapons absolutely ridiculous things. 

After our original party’s druid died due to the player dropping out of the campaign, Varis was introduced, yet another druid lol. (can’t tag him because he doesn’t have tumblr I don’t think). As the chaotic neutral, he’s a bit of a wild card and usually ends up in cahoots with my character. They encourage each others drinking habits, knowing or unknowingly, and after a journey with the worlds most unpleasant dragonborn NPC they became pretty tight friends. 

Which then brings us to my character, Lyris Ravendoor, who I talked a little bit about earlier so I won’t go into too much deal. She’s the party’s flirty ranger. While she is really attractive, the girl has no game (the dice apparently hate me whenever I try and flirt). Fenrir is her ever-faithful wolf companion. She’s had a thing for Branek for a while now, abut they’re finally together.

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Usually I munch on some chocolate or have a bag of sweets nearby

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

Well nothing too strict or anything that really falls outside of DnD rules. @theasexualityfandom is the kind of DM who plays fast and loose with the rules anyways and we love them for it (because it usually means we survive!)

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

My dice rolls are cursed when it comes to flirting with NPC’s

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Answered

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

I’ve played in a few premade stuff, in two homebrewed ones. The one-shot I ran was all homebrew content. It’s why it took so long to prep 😫

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

Haven’t DM’d enough to answer this, so I will answer this for the groups I’m in. @that-was-fucking-spectacular has a tendency to flirt with things that shouldn’t be flirted with–a door, some mushrooms and a giant toad so far. She and my bf Alex flirted with skeletons in a module Dess ran us through… @witchyeevee‘s cleric Siria absolutely going OFF on that NPC last session…a bunch of crazy shit has happened

27. Do you allow homebrew content? 

To an extent, I would, provided it doesn’t add too much extra work on top of what I was doing

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

As a player, I prefer more RP but there’s gotta be balance you know? From a DM standpoint I prefer doing combat

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Elf and ranger. Shocker, I know

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

I tend to write very long-winded, in depth backstories, usually starting with their family before talking about hardships or events that sculpted them. I put a lot of effort into backstories.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

A loooooot. I love RP’ing in sessions with the other players and NPC’s and I also like doing additional RP between sessions, either privately or with another person or the whole group. Me and Beth have done a few awesome one-on-one RP’s

[sugarless-suki-writes-movin-blog]

To the Blacksmith

A little short I wrote based on something that happened to my character during the campaign I’m in. Apparently our DM came up with it on the fly and I effing love it???? Ha. Anyway, Astrid is a character I’ve had for several years and I jsut translated her into DnD stuff. She’s a half high elf tiefling (since tieflings are already half demons)

Fandom: Dungeons and Dragons (5e) Rating: Explicit (Current chapter is kinda T+ buuuut, will be E in the future) Word Count: 1,837

Read on Ao3

Summary: After defeating a lycan and having spent the night celebrating their victory, the party is now perusing the town and has split up to cover ground and get things done in a timely manner.

Astrid was mentally preparing herself to face the members of high society once more as she and several others made their way towards the gates that led to that part of town. The only reason they were going there was to speak with the blacksmith, the only one in town. She wasn’t eager to go, but she needed to get her rapier fixed. She was also curious to see what else the blacksmith would have in stock. She was always up for getting new weapons. She had a Drow, his butler, and a Dragonborn in her party, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember their names. She knew the Dragonborn as “The Cleaver” simply for the fact that he had a tendency to cleave things in half in battle. He also didn’t really speak much, so that made things a tad bit harder to remember his name.

As for the Drow and butler… they had only been a part of their party for one day, so she wouldn’t know their names. She also found them a bit annoying. It was bad enough with one Drow that knew next to nothing about their world.. now there was another one? At least he was a cleric and could heal the party if need be. And… he had provided her Sanctuary during their last battle and saved her from dying. She supposed she should be grateful for that.

The rest of their party was at a bookstore, since their leader Newt wanted to look up some things. She was confused as to why Eris wanted to go to the bookstore, but she didn’t question it. Kiirehtt was just…. Kiirehtt. (Honestly, the bard should really get another weapon.. or at least sell the rapier they never use. Astrid was confused why they even had it in the first place.) The new Kenku was difficult to talk to, and their ranger, Sampson, was passed out drunk in the tavern still. So, the party in the library was going to meet them at the blacksmith later, likely once Newt was done.

Before she really realized it, they had reached the gate. She held back the grimace that was itching to spread across her face and show her distaste for the situation, and instead placed a haughty look on her face. That should help her pass as a noble. She pushed past the three members of her party and approached the guards.

“Halt, what business have you here?” he asked, looking down on her with a look of disgust on his face.

Astrid pulled a pendant out of her pocket that held her family crest on it. “My party and I would wish to pass through and see the blacksmith.” she said, her nose held high as she handed the guard the pendant. He looked it over, his brows knitting together in confusion.

“Amsel? Didn’t they all die 10 years ago?” he asked skeptically.

Astrid put a frown on her face, letting her eyes water slightly. “Yes.. what a tragedy it was to lose both my parents in one night… Thankfully I had survived to live another day and continue the family bloodline. I am also forever grateful for the immediate capture and death of the culprit.” She sniffled slightly and looked down, feigning tears.

The guard looked a bit skeptical. “One moment please.” He then turned and went into the gatehouse. A few moments passed and he reemerged, disbelief plain on his face as he returned her pendant. Astrid was pretending to straighten herself and blink back tears as she gave him a small thanks for the return of her crest. “It all clears. You may pass.” He gave a slight bow to her then and then called for the gates to open. Once they were, their party passed through and entered the fray.

The square was brimming with nobility and aristocrats and it took everything in Astrid to not blanch. She hated the aristocracy with a passion. She couldn’t wait until this was over with. As she was busy grumbling to herself, she faintly heard the butler trying to get information out of one of the passing nobles. The man turned up his nose at the man, calling him some derogatory term and it made Astrid’s blood boil.

She turned on her heel then, cape swirling around her, and she got up in the man’s personal space, shoving her crest in his face. “How about you tell me, then?” she ground out, resisting the urge to punch him.

He seemed to be ready to brush her off as well, until he really looked at the crest she held. His eyes widened and he looked at her in disbelief. “I thought the Amsels were killed 10 years ago…” he murmured.

“I’m the sole survivor and heir to the family.” she snipped. The man nodded and gave them the directions to the blacksmith. Astrid snorted in disgust and snarled out an insult, degrading him for degrading her party. She may not know them well, but she respected them and knew they didn’t deserve to be insulted by the likes of these people. With that, they carried on, Astrid not hiding her disgust with high society.

They had almost reached the blacksmith when their path was blocked by a man with a red cloak. It was obvious he was of noble birth, but he seemed to be held in higher regards than the ones they had passed earlier. He looked down on them, and there was something about him that struck a chord in Astrid. A sense of… familiarity. “What business does riffraff like you have here?” he asked.

“We were just on our way to see the blacksmith.” Said the butler. The man laughed heartily then, and there was a menacing glint in his eye.

“I think you’d best turn around and leave.” Astrid felt herself get riled up, a rage lighting up inside of her and fueling her. She whipped out her pendant and showed it to him.

“I suggest you let us pass.” she threatened, not even trying to hide the murderous glint in her eyes now. She was over this. She left this society for a reason. The man took a passing glance at her pendant and tossed it away. Astrid watched as it landed in a small puddle of mud. The rage flared and if she were a full demon, she knew her eyes would have bled red by now and she would’ve ripped his head off.

“State your name.” she growled, voice low and menacing.

He chuckled a bit, and his humor only angered her more. “Alexander Crowwood of the Wülven clan.”

The name plucked something in her and she furrowed her brows slightly in thought. She backed off somewhat, trying to figure out who this man was. Why was his name so familiar? Where had she heard it before? Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear what the Drow behind her said to the man. All she knew was that one moment he was humored, and the next he had called in guards and they were standing before him. She held back a groan and resisted the urge to run a hand down her face in frustration. She couldn’t leave them be for one moment, could she? Dear Freyja, help me… She said in a silent prayer to her goddess. However, she noticed the guards and Alexander begin to quiver a bit. She looked behind her and saw that the Dragonborn had grabbed hold of his sword and was looking at them menacingly. She smirked and turned to face the noble once more. She could use this to her advantage.

“I’m Astrid Amsel and I suggest you get out. Of. My. Way.” she threatened, her voice snarling on the last word. She watched as several emotions flew across his face before he finally decided on confusion.

“Amsel? But they all died 10 years ago.” God! She was sick of hearing that!

“I can assure you that I’m of the family. Why don’t you check my crest that you so kindly threw in the mud earlier.” she replied, sticking her nose in the air. The guards backed off slightly as he went over to the puddle and picked up her pendant. He wiped the mud off of it and really inspected it this time. His brows were knitted together in confusion.

“But.. I thought.. you…” He looked at her then and an unknown expression crossed his features and settled there. “We have some… unfinished business to attend to. If you would.” He gestured for her to follow him then and she bit her lip. She was nervous, but she refused to let it show. She still hadn’t figured out who he was and how they knew each other.. but she figured she was about to find out….

…

They made it to his estate and were seated in his private study. They had been sitting in a tense silence for several minutes, just staring at each other. However, he seemed to break before she did. “What happened? I thought you had died?”

Astrid snorted and crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat. “What does it matter to you? I hope you realize I have no idea who you are.”

“We were arranged to be wed.” he replied curtly, slight pain in his eyes. Astrid lived for it. However, her joy was short lived as it all came flooding back to her. She remembered all the days of planning, her meetings with her groom to be, her utter disgust of the entire charade.

Her lip curled as her nose wrinkled. She looked up at him and spoke her mind. “God…. I guess I do remember now.” His eyes seemed to brighten at that and she held back a smirk, wicked ideas forming in her mind. “Yes, I remember that idiotic arrangement. What was it? A mandatory five children? A happy life living in nobility?” She threw her head back and laughed heartily. Once she calmed, she looked up at him through her lashes and relished in the pain in his eyes. “I did everything I could to avoid that union.”

She rose from her seat and placed her hands on the wooden desk, leaning forward. “I even went so far as to kill my own parents.” His eyes widened at that and he opened his mouth to speak, but she continued before he could interrupt her. “Of course, that wasn’t the only reason. And as I’m sure you know… the ‘killer’ has already been caught and executed. The evidence has been ditched and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it.” she whispered threateningly. Satisfied, she let out a small chuckle and went to pull away. However, he reached out and grabbed her, stopping her before she could leave.

“I will have you, Astrid Amsel.” he snarled.

She leaned in then, standing on her toes to properly get in his face. “I’d like to see you try.”

[crit1rael]

DnD Meme

1. What influenced or inspired the creation of this character?

Aragorn. I was gonna give a long explanation on my motives and shit but nah. I love Aragorn and wanted Rael to be just like him. I failed utterly and have had a blast doing so

2. What is your character’s relationship with their family? Family is a word which here refers to biological relatives, close companions, and/or the individual(s) who raised them.

Estranged with their biological family, not in a negative way, they were never really close in each other’s business. They think Ed'hel is dead so… -shrug- As for companions, they thought it was weird at first but have come to enjoy having brothers-in-arms, people with a shared goal. Which just happens to be revenge, murder, and stopping the end of the world.

3. Who is the closest person to them?

Sai, who is definitely a person. After that it’s Naveen and Libra respectively, and that’s sad considering how little they talk in canon.

4. What were the conditions surrounding their formative years?

A lot of solitude, a lot of time to develop a policy of self-reliance. Which now negatively translates into thinking they can handle everything thrown at them, and shit-poor people skills.

5. What creature would they like to have as a pet?

They have the best friend a ranger could ask for, Sai. But like also a dragon. Which they have now. But let Fatal care for because she just lost Tali and Rael wouldn’t want to seem greedy. The answer is Rael wants for no pets.

6. Do they have any bad habits?

Idiocy. Is stubborn silence a bad habit? What about mumbling? Talkin’ shit to get hit?

7. Is there anyone they’d die for? Kill for?

In the past? Ed'hel, but not even die for unless it was a guaranteed “you die, they live” scenario. They have a high sense of self preservation, all evidence to the contrary aside in their actions. Now? They’d definitely kill for their current group, they’ve already done so numerous times. Dying for any one of them though? The choice hasn’t really come up yet for them to make it. (I, as the player, know that if Rael dies I want it to be a heroic sacrifice.)

8. Who was their first love?

That’s complicated. I think Ed’hel, obviously, but it wasn’t exactly romantic, it was vaguely antagonistic, and it wasn’t sexual at all. I don’t think Rael has ever been in love. That’s canon Rael, obviously, fanon Rael loves Naveen and Libra and would do them both. Probably at once.

9. How would this character react to someone confessing their love for them?

Absolute confusion. In the “wait- you- …what exactly are you saying?” way, even though there’s literally nothing clearer than “hey I’m love you.” And then it’d hit them, and they’d turn red. They’d definitely do much better if someone just came up to them and kissed them. That they can handle and reciprocate.

10. How old is this character?

They’re just recently an adult elf, but since that literally means nothing as far as elf-ages go, I’d settle for old enough to take care of themselves, but young enough to still be an idiot.

11. Are they normally peaceful or aggressive?

Aggressive with strangers or situations involving people they don’t like (which is everyone besides grannies and small kids).

12. How does this character handle stress?

They handle stress with dedicated focus on preserving their own and Sai’s life. And now add to that the rest of the group.

13. Does your character consider themselves lucky?

Not at all, all their good fortune has come about as a direct result of their own actions. I, however, consider them to be very lucky.

14. What is their favorite holiday?

Growing up without a calendar means Rael doesn’t recognize holidays.

15. What is the best gift they could receive?

An unbreakable bow.

16. If they could instantly kill one person in the world without consequence, who would it be?

The man personally responsible for killing K'jelle (Silas), though there’s apparently a long ass line for that.

17. If they were in possession of a trio of wishes, what would their three wishes be?

Find out what happened to Ed'hel, kill Silas, stop the end of the world.

18. What is their favorite spell or method of attack?

Current fav is to conjure a ridiculous number of animals and sic them on people.

19. What are their guilty pleasures?

They don’t have them. They’re not guilty about anything, because they’ve never had to answer to anyone on what they do or how they do it, growing up and living outside of society and all that.

20. What is something this character is or could be addicted to?

Possibly adrenaline. They really like to feel alive and the satisfaction of outwitting death is a major high for them.

21. Have you actually played this character yet?

No