#high elf tutorial

[saephrond]

Tham Send, the Hall of Rest

[meanbossart]

i just need to take a second to gush about how much i love durge drow and astarion, they feel so fleshed out and perfectly written together in their fucked up wretched ways. They really inspire me to write more for my own tavs, hopefully one day ill be able to say im as happy with my own work as i get when seeing yours. I have to ask though, do you have any tips on drawing head shapes and faces? or maybe about wrinkles? i find i really struggle with that stuff when drawing and i adore how expressive and grungey all your art looks!

First of all thank you so much, I love hearing what people think of the two of them together 😭

Honestly you've hit on something that's quite near and dear to my heart, I love developing and figuring how to draw and stylize different faces to get the most unique, interesting looking results - everything about the details is highly rewarding to me. What does x type of nose look like from this angle? In this style? How can this eyeshape best translate to my art? How different does a face look when its making this expression? What does that MOUTH DO? etc etc.

In fact you kind of inspired me to put a little tutorial/guide together the last hour lmao and what a blessing it is that the two current subjects of this blog serve as great models here, being that their faces are basically polar opposites!

When it comes to heads, you've probably heard it a dozen times before that you want to think of them in terms of geometry and facets; my process to drawing them is pretty conventional so I won't spend too much time on it, but it goes something like this:

Obviously I don't do every single one of these steps most of the time, which is just something that comes from practice/developing muscle memory, but it is helpful to start off this way for two main reasons:

By making these guide lines and splitting a head into pieces like this, you'll have an easier time seeing and understanding it as a multidimensional object, and in turn, facilitate It for you when you venture out into doing wacky angles and lighting.

Making different headshapes starts HERE. notice how Astarion's "face" slate is narrower and longer, how my durge's jaw pieces sit lower on the head, how all of the same pieces came together in the same way but we ended up with one real pointy elf and a real brick of a drow - making characters look different successfully begins very early in the sketching process.

The next thing you want to do branches out into every day life: start noticing yours and other people's facial features. How does an upturned nose look from a high angle? How does the size of someone's cheekbones affect what they look like when they smile? How about when the light hits them a certain way? Does someone's lip shape changes when they pout? When they laugh? How does a person's hairline change the shape of their face? You do NOT need to creepily sketch every stranger you see on the bus, but get into the habit of actually noticing what people look like when you talk to them - when you look at pictures, when you watch movies - make a mental list of interesting ways mouths, noses, and eyes can come together in a variety of different proportions to make completely distinct looking mugs, and how they change depending on how you are looking at them.

Light and shadow play a HUGE role in how faces look, too, basically as crucial as actual bone structure does. As you see up there I tried to rough out how natural, head on, and underhead light would look on these two very different looking guys, and while we can see definite patterns, there are small differences that come to be because of the sizes and shapes of their features.

Here is a very, very basic look at how some of these features come to look the way they do, how they interact with one another, and how they compare between a blocky, rather conventionally "masculine" head and one that's much softer and slimmer.

Note please that it is not one or two characteristics that give a chaarcter their "look"; you can reduce a face to eyes, mouth, and nose through stylization and still have them be recognizable, but if you want to do more than that, you have to consider the whole package! Chin, cheeks, brows, direction of the jaw, slope and size of the forehead, depth of eyes, ridge of the nose, etc - I know this is probably far more than you bargained for, but if you start making note of a FEW of these things now and slowly add on, this will eventually become second nature to you.

Similarly, understanding how these characteristics come together will help you with rendering light and shadow in a realistic way, and predicting what their facial expressions may look like - if no two people are alike, neither are their smiles. :)

Lastly, remember that I'm no expert - I have developed my own methods and semiotics and yours may look slightly (or vastly) different, and that's fine! I hope only that by sharing this it has given you a base to work off of.

Anyways, I HOPE this has been helpful and not just the unsolicited ramblings of a face pervert.

[esamastation]

Here's another original LITRPG thing I wrote a while back, which I just realised I never posted anywhere.

In which a guy named John has just died and is about to be Isekaied into a new world.

-

Upon his death, John remembers everything - and promptly fist pumps the universe. "Oh, hell yeah!"

Before him floats the Tutorial. "Welcome back, Ser Afathion - or do you prefer Mr. John Castle?"

"Just call me John, please," John says, grinning from ear to ear. "Man, that was a good life! How did I do, how are my points? Bet I got a whole bunch from that war! And the relationships - that love triangle must've netted me a fortune!"

"You did very well indeed, John," the Tutorial says and produces a logbook - a glowing rectangle of text that hangs in the air between them. "Your life as John Castle was evaluated at 4.7 million System Credits. Congratulations."

"Awww yes!" John pumps his fist again. "Damn, but Earth is good for points!"

"Indeed. Would you like to take a look at your balance sheet?"

"Yes please!"

Another glowing window of text appears, detailing the arcs of John Castle's life and their worth. By themselves the events of his life weren't worth much, but the various roles he'd played stacked up to a decent enough point total. He'd played minor roles in three big war narratives that had had a decent following, and though he wasn't the main character in the love triangle, his ex ended up as a popular drama lead with a big following. And apparently he'd played the part of an enemy for three different people!

Though it's a bit disappointing that his life hadn't gotten him the Protagonist title, John's fine having played the side and background characters in the lives of more interesting people. His life was nice, if a bit short, and he could've done much worse than 4.7 million credits.

The Tutorial shoots a party popper over him, and John beams happily. "Did I get any sponsors?"

"No, but you received these offers," the Tutorial says, and a number of logos appear in the air, arrayed in a grid. Some of them offer discounts, others promise unique opportunities and a couple proclaim to be spiritually the healthy option.

John dismisses those ones off hand and points at the one that caught his eye first. "The Adventure Guild? Aren't they fully booked for, like, centuries?"

"There was a war on the server," the Tutorial explains. "Over a million characters died, and they're looking to repopulate."

"Huh. And their character packages?"

The Tutorial shows him the standard packages for the Adventure Guild's server. They start from low level mob and peasant packages that cost a few hundred thousand - and have the expected lifespan of a couple decades at most - to a high elf noble package that costs billions of credits and might last for a couple of millennia. The best John could afford in the Adventure Guild's Server is a merchant family with 10 extra stats points to start with - stat points?

"Stat points?" John asks.

"The Adventure Guild server is System Enabled," the Tutorial explains. "These are all transmigration packages."

"Get outta here! Transmigration package, me? In an Adventure Guild server?" John sputters, and then narrows his eyes. "Those things cost a fortune! What's the catch?"

"It's part of a new World Narrative the Adventure Guild is starting," the Tutorial explains. "They're looking specifically for players that have just come from Earth - your last life will be the one you'll be transmigrating from."

"Wow," John murmurs, wondering what kind of story the Adventure Guild might be building up. They're pretty known for their big narratives, and they're super popular as galactic entertainment goes - there's a reason why even cheap roles in their server are always fully booked. Even playing the part of collateral damage in a random bar fight on Adventure Guild server could net you pretty decent royalties. Never mind being hella fun.

If they've opened the server to someone like him, that means the place probably has a lot of new players. And that usually means there's a big thing coming, a war or apocalypse or something, and they needed a lot of fresh cannon fodder. And a bunch of Earth transmigrations in a post war Adventure Guild server?

"I am so in," John breathes excitedly. "What kind of customisation options do I have?"

"These are the species available," the Tutorial says and pops open a whole array of character customisation windows. "From the most affordable to the less so."

"And stat points?"

"Each race starts with a set amount specific for the race. Extra points cost a hundred thousand System credits per point."

So, basically, John could be a goblin with a lifespan of twenty years and start with 44 extra points to allocate as he chose, or he could become a dwarf orphan with an estimated lifespan of three hundred years, but he'd be starting without any extra stat points. The human merchant family with extra 10 points is pretty good value for his money, honestly, seeing as humans already start with 10, but… it sounded pretty boring.

Running a hand over his chin John tried to think of how to make most of this opportunity. "What's the cost of ambitions in the server? How about natural talents?"

A lot, it turns out. Good ambitions cost millions, as did talents. Dang, but Adventure Guild is expensive.

"You start with all of John Castle's knowledge," the Tutorial reminds him. "And his ambitions."

Sure, but John Castle's biggest ambition in the end was owning a nice car and not dying of cancer - and he'd failed in both, pretty much. He can't even remember if he had any life goals when he'd been a young man. Probably not, seeing as he hadn't really amounted to much. It's why he hadn't gained more points during his life - he'd gone into that life without any interesting traits, and it showed. He'd lived and died pretty quietly.

It would be nice to live a little more interesting life this time.

"Let's try random generation," John says. "Maybe I'll get some ideas."

Obligingly the Tutorial opens an empty character creation screen, and John inserts the number of credits he wants to use, 3 million. That way he'd have 1.7 million to spend on stat points and other things.

The first he gets is an awakened dog with high stamina and potential as a special mount. The second is an orc from an exiled clan - classic minor enemy encounter fodder. The third is a bird familiar with fire abilities - which is honestly a little tempting, though he wouldn't be able to speak, except to his master.

"Rule out non-humanoid creatures," John decides and folds his arms. "I want to be able to speak and, you know, have hands."

"Limiting selection to creatures when hands and the ability to speak "

The selection is limited indeed. Peasant human born to farmers, ghoul foot soldier, peasant human born to a tavern wench, skeleton serving a necromancer, orphan peasant human, sickly elf with a lifespan of five years, peasant human born to a smith…

"Perhaps we could narrow the search criteria," the Tutorial suggests. "What kind of life are you interested in living?"

"Something loud and bombastic," John says and thinks about it. "Since it's basically a fantasy world, I want to fight a bunch. Like, properly fight, not just be caught in the crossfire as a poor hapless victim - I wanna be the person running headlong into trouble because it's fun, you know? Like, you know, a good old style fantasy adventure protagonist."

The Tutorial considers it for a moment and then says.  "You do not have enough credits for the protagonist tag. However I have sent a query to the Adventure Guild, and they have a suggestion. Would you like to take on a curse?"

John perks up interestedly. "What kind of curse? Would it cost me points, or would it award me points?"

In answer the Tutorial opens up a status window - with a whole dropdown menu of available options. And it turns out that while most curses had a cost, there were some curses that would give John extra System credits to use. Sadly he could only choose one, but even so…

The curse that would give him the most was called the Puppet Curse, which would give a viewer - or a Server Admin - the ability to puppeteer him for a while if they paid him for it. It was worth a million just by itself - with the potential of being paid more as the curse was being used.

"Dayyym," John murmurs. "That's interesting."

It kinda seems like a quick way to get himself killed, though - he can just imagine some bored rich viewer using him to instigate a war just for fun, and then he'd be hanging by the neck in the nearest tree. No thank you!

The next most profitable curse was the Mouthpiece which was kind of the same as Puppet Curse, but it basically would make him say things the viewers - or admin - wanted him to say. Very useful for instigating drama! Also a good way to get himself killed.

The curses that cost him rather than awarding him points are a bit better. Designed to make things more interesting, they range from the Werewolf Curse - 1.5 million - to Curse of Sleepwalking - 400 thousand. There's a whole lot of different ones, some more interesting than others, and the one that catches his eye is the Bad Luck Curse. At 750 thousand credits it's not cheap but it looks like it would definitely make things interesting for him.

… or get him killed.

Ugh. It's this kind of hemming and hawing that made his previous life kinda boring!

"You know what, to hell with it," John says, turning to the Tutorial. "Can I send a question to the Server Admins? I want to know if there's a way to limit the Puppet Curse to Admin use only - it seems like the most interesting one, but I don't like the idea of a random viewer using it and getting me killed for kicks."

"I will send the query," the Tutorial says. There's a moment of silence, during which John idly hits the randomiser on the character customisation screen, trying to settle on a character. Human, human, orc, human, goblin, human, human, human, skeleton, human, human, human… Well, as a human he could start with as many as 27 stat points, assuming he spent 1.7 million on extra points, which definitely isn't bad, but… it's so boring.

Why does everything more interesting have to be so expensive?

Then the Tutorial opens a contract screen.

[Puppet's Very Specific Curse] [Contract]

[The undersigned hereby accepts the Puppet's Very Specific Curse for their character for the duration of their stay in the Adventure Guild's server. The victim of this curse can be at any moment subjected to System control, and can be piloted by any employee of the Adventure Guild, to do with as they wish. The undersigned hereby acknowledges that Adventure Guild is in no way responsible for any spiritual, emotional or mental damages caused by this curse.]

[Time limit: ?] [Mana cost: ?] [Cure: ?] [Reward: 1 000 000 store credits now and 1 stat points per activation]

John reads through the screen once, twice, three times, and then looks at the Tutorial. "Store credits only - and no credits per activation?"

"Without viewer participation, the Guild isn't expecting any returns, so, no," the Tutorial agreed. "And you must remember, the Server Admins already have their own characters and do not need an agent on the server. You might come in handy, but you're not necessary."

"Fair enough," John muses, shrugs his shoulders and then accepts the contract. One stat point per activation is way too good to pass by, even if it's not as good as a flat fee of System credits would've been. "Alright, 5.7 million credits to use! Ka-ching! Here's hoping I won't regret this."

"You won't - you will have no knowledge of it," the Tutorial says ominously. "You won't remember any of this, only your life as John Castle."

"Sounds like I'm in for some interesting times, then," John says, grinning. It's about time, too. "Now, any chance of talking down the price on the Bad Luck Curse? No? Alright, let's try the randomiser again, shall we?"

-

If you guys remember that series poll I did a while back, making a generic fantasy character who then turned into a fox beast person Bard, lol. I wrote 6 chapters of this, and then it sort of petered off - but I still like it.

... I didn't even give the poor story a name, it's just called "LITRPG" in my files, haha

[egcdeath]

how the cookie crumbles

summary: when you come back home to austin to help your sister with her bakery, you end up in an arrangement with your high school crush that ends up being far more than you bargained for. 

word count: 11.5k

warnings: FAKE DATING, au: no outbreak, pining. so much pining and a touch of yearning, idiots to lovers, high school crushes to lovers, very hallmark-romcom esque, fluff, a touch of angst, more fluff, the reader has a sister but the sister doesn’t have a name, joel’s ex is kinda rude, alcohol consumption, cuddling, miscommunication kinda, unrequited love that’s actually requited love, no use of y/n, not beta read.

author’s note: this is my first fic back after taking my several month long break!! i want to give a big shoutout to my texas consultant and biggest cheerleader @cowgurrrl, who encouraged me to write, gave me helpful ideas, and let me dump my brain and my silly little ideas on her whenever <3

For as long as you could remember, you and your sister had been total opposites. As girls, your sister spent her time playing with dolls, experimenting with whatever new hairstyle on your scalp, and eagerly shadowing your mother in the kitchen, while you preferred to spend your time exploring the city on your bike, reading books in your hammock, and doodling whatever had caught your interest in your hourly. As you entered young adulthood, you were unsurprised as your sister married her high school sweetheart just months after graduating college before setting off to start her own business in Austin, while you moved as far as you could out of Texas and began a prosperous career in New York City. 

Regardless of the different paths your lives had taken, the minute your sister had even suggested that she might’ve needed help at her bakery, you were booking a flight back home. The holidays were a notoriously busy time for her business, with people wanting cakes and pies to display as their own labors of love at their family gatherings, or to have their children wake up to a dozen expertly decorated cookies under the guise that that was what their Elf on the Shelf had been up to that night. 

Given that you had no holiday plans other than drinking Bailey’s-spiked hot chocolate and watching reruns of your favorite season of The Bachelor, it seemed like a no-brainer to come back to Austin. Part of you was excited for your homecoming, to return to the vibrant personality of the city that was a far cry from the east coast city you’d grown to know and love over the years. The other part of you dreaded your return, not feeling particularly excited to have to run into peers from your adolescence while you were trying to peruse the shelves of your local Costco. 

You were welcomed with warm arms the moment that you walked through the door of your sister’s home—metaphorically and literally. She practically hugged you the entire way as you dropped your items off in her guest bedroom, then even more so as she directed you to her car, giving you all sorts of updates about your parents and her husband, but not allowing you to forget the whole reason that you’d come home in the first place. 

“You’re not hungry or anything, right?” she asked as she hopped into the driver's seat next to you. 

“I think I’m good. I ate at the airport,” you replied, slightly amused by your sister’s eagerness to get you to work immediately. Then again, you couldn’t exactly blame her when you thought about how busy she must’ve been. 

“Good! I’m gonna put you right to work then. How does frosting cupcakes sound?”

It sounded fine, and it was fine for the first few hours, until the angle of the piping bag started to make the newfound cramping in your hands unbearable, and your sister had to give you an impromptu tutorial on how not to make your rosettes look so… depressing. 

“Look, the Girl Scouts need this order in like, an hour, and my cashier is going home in a bit. Give yourself a little break to shake your hand out, or pee, or do whatever it is you have to do, then you can ring customers up. How does that sound?” she finally huffed, clearly just as frustrated with you for your inability to do a task that was practically second nature to her.

“Anything’s better than frosting these damn cupcakes,” you commented as you tossed your gloves into the trash. “If I never have to frost a cupcake again, it’ll be too soon.”

“I love you, which is why I have to tell you that you will be frosting so many more cupcakes in the next few days,” she laughed aloud, looking down at the army of baked goods in front of her that she was still working on meticulously frosting. “But you’ll get used to it. I’ll have Ben give you better instructions. He’s really good at this, for some reason. I’m convinced it’s because he went to art school.”

You groaned dramatically as you exited the kitchen, only to bother your sister if nothing else. After all, wasn’t it your job as a younger sibling to annoy your older sibling?

As much as you enjoyed doing random tasks that your sister needed done in the back, working in the front was definitely one of the better aspects of working at the bakery. There was far less technique involved in doing anything, and when there was downtime in the storefront, you got to passively scroll on social media, turning your brightness down so you could secretly cyberstalk people from your high school in peace. 

Being that you were distracted by the phone in your hand, you paid no mind to the shrill sound of the door’s bell as it opened. As you finished up looking at someone’s engagement pictures, you glanced up once before doing a complete double take.

“Hey, I’m just here to pick up the Girl Scout order-”

There was no way. 

You hadn’t seen that face in years. Hell, you hadn’t thought about that face in years, despite your mild obsession with him as a teenager. 

Joel had been the definition of so close, yet so far. You seemed to always be in his orbit, butterflies in your stomach every time he leaned over his desk to ask you a question about the material or to poke fun at one of the weirder quirks your teacher had. Yet, just as you’d finally worked up the nerve to confess your feelings to him, word got around the school that he was becoming a father. After many pints of ice cream and late nights of your older sister comforting an inconsolable teenage you, you’d finally gotten over the man, letting his memory become a funny anecdote you shared to friends to display your terrible luck in love. 

As much as you hated to admit it, he looked good. Obviously, he was much older now, but much to your dismay, he’d aged more like wine than like milk. Donning a new beard that somehow managed to make him even more handsome and biceps that strained against the sleeves of his shirt, he looked far more attractive than you could ever even remember him, his mature look a good one.  You were sure his wife loved looking at that striking face in the morning, before she set off to take care of their adorable young daughter. Their perfect little family, still holding up despite the test of time.

You had gotten so caught up in your thoughts, you’d barely registered the fact that Joel had said your name in a tone that held a mixture of excitement and disbelief. 

“I haven’t seen you in years! Since high school?” he asked, despite already knowing the answer. The surprise of seeing him, let alone seeing him looking so good led you to smile dumbly and shrug. “Wow!” he remarked.

“It has been a really long time,” you grinned involuntarily, practically feeling yourself revert back to your younger, immature self simply at the sight of the man standing across from you. “How are you? How’s the family?”

“We’re good. Sarah’s turning 13 soon, which is really exciting,” Joel explained, setting a hand on his hip as he did so. You swore you could see the fondness for his daughter as he spoke. “It feels like just yesterday I was feeding her bottles and carrying her around in a sling.”

“I know, they just grow up so fast,” you agreed, as if you’d had any sort of experience in the field. The fact that Joel still had this effect on you, one that made you want to follow him around like a lost puppy and agree with every word that came out of his mouth was mildly concerning to you—particularly because he clearly had a wife and a child. 

“They really do. You have any of your own?” Joel asked, looking deep into your eyes and making you want to melt into a puddle on the floor.

“Me? No,” you dismissed before following it up with,. “I’ve been pretty focused on my career, so it’s not exactly the best time for a family. To be quite honest, I think my cats do the trick plenty well.”

“You’re still so responsible,” Joel complimented, stirring something up deep inside of you that you promptly wanted to push right back down. “Clearly, I didn’t do any family planning. I’d say it worked out pretty well, if you don’t count having to get divorced just a few years after getting married.”

This piqued your interest. You could almost feel the teenage version of yourself cheering internally at the news that Joel and the mother of his child had split. She’d always been a bit of a bitch to you, so to hear that the two of them had split had sounded like music to your ears.

“Man, that’s too bad. I always thought you two would be the one couple from our school to make it,” you lied through your teeth, hoping that your entertainment wasn’t too obvious.

Joel chuckled and shook his head, smile lines appearing seemingly out of thin air, and unfortunately making you melt on the inside, just the slightest bit. 

“That’s really too bad. I mean, what happened with you guys? If you don’t mind me asking,” you were definitely taking a risk with this question, but you were hoping that the reward of the answer would be worth every bit of boldness you put together to ask. 

“We just had… different ideas for our futures,” Joel explained what you could only assume was a very condensed version of what had actually occurred. “You know, she’s actually in town right now.”

“I hadn’t realized she’d left town. Should we keep our voices down then?” you asked jokingly, although it would be quite awkward if his ex wife walked in while the two of you were talking about her. 

“No, we’re good,” Joel chuckled. “Sarah really wanted to see her for the holidays, and it wasn’t like I could say no to that request. Although, getting Naomi to actually come was a bit like pulling teeth. I’m sorry, this is way too much information. What about you? Any special people in your life?”

“No, Joel, you’re all good. You know how much of a gossip I was,” you offered him a genuine smile. “Unfortunately, no. Funnily enough, the thing I was dreading most about coming home is having my mom constantly on my ass about bringing home a good man.”

“I get it. It’s exhausting seeing all the PDA whenever Naomi and Henry come back. It’s like they’re rubbing in that we’re so happy together and you’re still all alone.”

“Assholes,” you remarked, rolling your eyes to show Joel just how on his side you were. “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday. I mean, both of us will. Then maybe my mom will stop bothering me and your ex will finally stop acting all high and mighty for being in a relationship.”

“I can only hope,” Joel sighed. “Well, I apologize for dumping all of my holiday woes on you when I really should just be picking up some cupcakes.”

“Oh no, I apologize for holding you up. I’ll go grab that order for you,” you said before walking off to the back, where your sister had just finished putting the final touches on the order. 

“Perfect timing,” she remarked, stepping back and running her arm against her slightly damp forehead. “Who were you talking to back there?” 

“Oh, no one,” you dismissed, not ready to hear her reaction. “Just giving good customer service.”

The look she gave you told you loud and clear that she didn’t believe you, but it would be a conversation for another time. Since she didn’t seem interested in pressing, you took it as your opportunity to grab the large, pink box, and bring it out to Joel.

“Here’s that order for you,” you said politely. “It was good seeing you today.”

“Yeah, you too,” he said, happily taking the slightly heavy box when you offered it to him. “How long will you be in town?”

“Into the New Year, I think? Maybe earlier, maybe later,” you shrugged. 

“We should get together sometime. Maybe get a coffee or something and properly catch up? I would love for you to meet Sarah, too.”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” you grinned, begging yourself not to revert back to your younger, naive self, but not exactly being able to fight it at the same time. “Well, if you ever need me, I’ll probably be here.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said as he headed to the door. “See ya!”

As soon as the door jingled, announcing Joel’s departure, you let out a deep breath that you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding. 

Fuck. You could not be feeling this way about a man you had a crush on in high school.

-

Your sister always seemed to have a sixth sense for when you were getting antsy, so one evening as the two of you worked on closing the storefront, she pulled you from the monotony of sweeping the floors while listening to the sound of her new favorite pop artist to send you to the grocery store and retrieve a few items that she needed more of. 

With her company card safely secured in your wallet, a short list scribbled out on a pink post-it note, and your hands closely grasping the handlebars of the cart, you amaturely navigated the grocery store, unfamiliar with the locations of the items that lined the shelves after years of not visiting Austin.

The evening in the grocery store brought you a sense of serenity, with the rush of urgent people looking to pick up the one ingredient they forgot for dinner mostly gone. After packing your cart full of sticks of butter and bags of sugar, you headed off to the get your final item, relieved to have had a mostly successful trip without running into anyone you knew in your youth. 

But just as you had this thought, you caught a glimpse of someone out of the corner of your eye. Dark hair and beard imprinted in your mind after your brief interaction with him just one day ago. You did your absolute best to pretend you didn’t see him as you inspected a bag of flour, keeping your head lowered, and gaze averted. Yet, your efforts were futile, as just moments later, you heard your name called aloud as the man approached you. 

“Hey!” he said cheerily, blissfully unaware that you were attempting to use the ‘if I can’t see you, you can’t see me’ method on him just moments ago. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, it’s been like forever,” you added on, looking into his eyes and almost immediately regretting your decision as your gut was immediately consumed with a swarm of rabid butterflies. “What’re you doing here?”

“Grabbing some groceries,” he answered sweetly, despite that being the obvious answer to your not-so-great question. 

Duh. What else did people come to the grocery store for? What a stupid question. See? Joel just made you so… stupid! Even after all of the years you’d spent apart. 

“Sarah wanted to try making some Christmas cookies to bring to her mom, so…” he trailed off, gesturing down at the flour that was now in his hand. “Got any tips on the best flour to get?”

“That’s definitely more of my sister’s wheelhouse. I just do whatever she needs me to do, like go and get,” you glanced down at your list before continuing for comedic effect, “White miso paste.”

Joel smiled fondly at your joke, only making your insides melt further. 

“Remind me to stop by and try whatever has that white miso paste in it. Sounds interesting,” Joel grabbed a package of all-purpose flour and tossed it into his cart, before leaning on his cart. 

Fuck. Why did he have to be so endearing, with his smile lines and his kind eyes, and his insistence on treating you like you were the only other woman in the world, despite the other woman customer just standing feet away from you two.

“I definitely will. Has your number changed in the past thirteen years?” you asked, not sure what had gotten into you with the slightly flirty move. 

He shook his head, his eye briefly catching on something and causing him to pause in his movements before he returned to the conversation, now looking slightly off in a way that he hadn’t looked just a moment ago. You were so stupid. Of course you trying to flirt back would’ve backfired. You needed to excuse yourself before you managed to embarrass yourself any more than you already had. 

“It has not,” he confirmed, smiling at you once more, but not looking like his heart was completely into it. “Any chance you’re checking out?” 

“I am!” you said a little too enthusiastically, which Joel responded to by somewhat urgently beginning to walk to the check-out lane. Given that he hadn’t told you goodbye, you followed him like the lost puppy that you were around him. 

Just as the two of you stopped in line and had mostly finished checking out, Joel finally seemed to unclench from whatever he’d seen (or whatever you’d said) that had bothered him before. Yet, as soon as it was over, you noticed that same tension washed over him once more. 

“Oh, Naomi. Henry,” Joel said, his tone taking a complete 180 from what he had just had with you moments ago, and his change in demeanor suddenly made sense to you. “Didn’t realize you two were in town yet.”

You glanced over to the woman who had seemingly appeared out of thin air to ruin your moment with Joel, just like she had done in high school a million times over. Who you hadn’t recognized was the man next to her, looking a little too put together for someone who had likely just gotten off a flight and was headed to the grocery store.

“Joel,” she said artificially sweetly, the one singular word drenched in annoyance. “We just got in. We’re grabbing groceries for the hotel.”

“I didn’t realize chocolate chips were groceries,” Joel muttered to himself as he evaluated their basket. You were slightly surprised by the sass he had seemed to equip out of nowhere, a far cry from the southern charm he had displayed with you in your past interactions. You desperately wanted to leave the situation, which was clearly none of your business.

“Surely, you remember your ex-wife having a sweet tooth,” the man on her side replied defensively, wrapping an arm around her protectively. 

“Something like that,” he replied, glancing over at you with an expression that you couldn’t quite read. 

With tensions boiling over with just a few words stated, you finally decided to step in, impulse and instinct guiding you. 

“Hey honey, I think we need to get going,” you said, internally cringing as the words left your mouth. Joel’s now wide eyes made contact with your unsure ones and your furrowed brows as you attempted to tell him to just go with it without a single word. 

The good thing for you was that Joel was a quick learner, and his hand quickly found the small of your back. Something in Naomi’s expression changed, just for a moment, before she went back to her stone cold facade. You hoped that Joel caught it, the same way that you did. 

“Yeah, we don’t want to keep you too long, since we’ll be seeing you plenty this holiday season,” Naomi replied, flashing you a fake smile. “I didn’t realize you two were together. I’ve never heard Joel say anything about you.”

You were sure the sentiment was supposed to hurt your feelings, but you were more unsurprised by the sentiment than anything else. 

“Some of us like to leave our personal lives personal,” he shot back, glancing at you before bringing his glare back to his ex-wife. 

“Well, that’s cute. I remember, you had the biggest crush on Joel back in the day. Glad you two ended up together,” she laughed and your stomach dropped. Were you that obvious in the past? “Anyway, we’re gonna go to a less busy lane. See you at dinner, Joel. And maybe you, too?” She looked you up and down, and for a second you felt like you were in the hallways of your high school once again, trying your best to avoid the passive aggression of a particularly mean girl. 

“Right. Bye,” he said simply, watching the pair walk away as if he were scared that they would turn back around at some point and bother Joel some more. 

“Fuck,” he muttered aloud as soon as they were out of earshot, his hand falling away from your back and back to his side.  

You immediately launched yourself into a rambling apology, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep or anything, they just looked like they wanted to eat you alive and-“

“No, no, don’t apologize. I appreciate what you did back here. I mean, you saw the look on her face when she thought we were together?”

“Oh yeah,” you laughed out, which also acted as a cover for the deep sigh of relief you needed to let out. “Is she always so shocked when she thinks you’re dating someone new?”

“Well, I haven’t dated much since the divorce,” he explained as the two of you began exiting the building. “So I guess I didn’t really know what to expect. But it totally delivered.”

You couldn’t help but smile as the two of you walked out to your cars together and Joel confessed that not only was he single, but that he hadn’t really seen anyone. Not that it really mattered to you, considering that the two of you had absolutely no shot together. 

You weren’t exactly sure where Joel had parked, but he’d offered to help unload your groceries into your car, and you weren’t exactly going to decline that offer. 

“Thank you, again for helping me out tonight,” Joel said as he helped place bags in the trunk of the car. “Is there anything I can do to repay you?”

“Actually, there is one thing.” 

— 

Every year, you absolutely dreaded your family’s holiday celebrations. Specifically, the celebrations where you showed up without a date, and had to spend the night downing eggnog to drown out the sound of your family asking you when you were going to settle down and bring a grandchild, or niece, or nephew into the family. 

But this year, you didn’t have to worry about that issue. After running into Joel at the grocery store and briefly pretending to be his partner, he’d agreed to do the same for you at a family holiday party, and to be completely honest, you couldn’t be more excited. 

“Again, thank you,” you said to Joel as he opened the passenger door to his truck for you, politely standing at the side of it as you got in. 

“It was really the least I could do after you saved my ass back there in the store,” he dismissed, closing the door behind you before getting back into the car. 

“I mean, I couldn’t just stand there and let you suffer,” you explained, glancing over at the man as he settled into the seat and started the car. He’d certainly dressed up more than usual for the event, a nice red sweater nicely complimenting your green sweater, and his hair styled nicely. For a second, you thought about your younger self, and how she probably would’ve given anything for a night like this—to just play pretend with Joel just for a moment, since he clearly didn’t see you the way you saw him. 

“Well, I appreciate it,” he dismissed, sending you a quick, charming smile before beginning to pull out of the driveway. “Anything I need to know about your family?”

“Oh my god,” you laughed. “Where do I start?”

You more or less talked Joel’s ear off on the drive over, filling him in on family members to avoid; overbearing aunts who would attempt to examine him like a lab specimen, uncles who would try to quiz him on his knowledge of local sports teams, and the occasional family friend, who seemed to be just as crazy as your actual kin. Joel listened politely, taking in all of the information, and throwing in some commentary every now and then, but surely making mental notes on who to try to avoid. 

Once you finally arrived at the car-lined street, Joel once again opened the door for you like the gentleman he was, before allowing you to lead the way to the christmas-light adorned house that was clearly bustling on the inside. As the two of you walked up to the porch, Joel looked at you rather earnestly. 

“Did I scare you in the car? I promise they’re not all that bad,” you began to attempt to explain, nerves bubbling in your stomach as you thought about how Joel surely wanted to go home. 

“No, no, you didn’t scare me,” he assured you, reaching over to brush a stray hair out of your face. “I just… I never got the chance to tell you how good you look. I wanted to say something when you first got in my car, but I guess I got scared. You always look good, but you kinda took my breath away.”

Fuck, you internally groaned. Why did he have to tell you that? Was he just trying to get into character or something? You couldn’t even gather the words for how it made you feel before the front door was swinging open with one of your favorite aunts at the door greeting you. 

“Hello, my love!” she practically squealed as she pulled you into a hug. “And who is this?”

“This is my boyfriend, Joel,” you introduced, only slightly alarmed at how easily the word rolled off your tongue.

“Hello, ma’am,” Joel said warmly, setting out a hand for her to shake, which was rejected in favor of a hug. He was clearly a bit caught off guard by it, but also clearly a little into it. 

“Sorry,” you whispered to him once she let go and the two of you were ushered inside. “We’re a hug family. I probably should’ve warned you about that on the ride over.”

“I don’t mind, I promise,” he assured you, gently grabbing your hand and looking to you for some sort of assurance. You smiled at him then subtly nodded, lacing your fingers in between his in an act that you hoped would be as practical as it was performative.

As the two of you navigated through the house, you made pleasant small talk with all who you encountered, with you proudly introducing Joel as your boyfriend, and him taking the lead in introducing himself from time to time. After an exhausting hello tour, you had finally made it to the kitchen for drinks, something you’d surely need if you were going to keep up at this rate of socialization. 

As you grabbed Joel the beer he’d requested and began to spoon out ladles of the bowl that was tape-labeled ‘ADULT Punch’ into your own cup, you were slightly surprised that you’d finally ran into your mother. 

“Hi honey,” she squealed, pulling you into a hug. “How long have you been here? You avoiding me?”

While past experiences of being single during the holiday season and having to interact with your mother often ended up with you suffering for the entirety of the night–or an entire week, like the time she tried to set you up with a coworker’s son–you felt a newfound confidence with the knowledge that Joel was just a few feet away from you, diligently playing the perfect boyfriend.

“We just got here,” you giggled at her typical overbearing self. For once, your guard was down, knowing that she would not be attempting to set you up with anyone, or hounding you about coming home and settling down with a nice local. 

“We?” she asked dramatically, brows raised in surprise. “Is your sister somewhere around here, or something?”

“Don’t act so surprised,” you feigned offense as she stepped back to look at the two drinks in your hands. “I brought my boyfriend,” you glanced back at Joel, who was right where you left him, making enthusiastic smalltalk with one of your cousins about the Cowboys game. Like a good little fake boyfriend, upon catching your eye he excused himself from his conversation and walked over to you and your mother.

“Mom, this is Joel, my partner,” you explained, as your gentlemanly fake boyfriend grabbed your mother’s hand and gave it a polite kiss. You certainly hadn’t forgotten about his charm back in the day, but to watch it up close and personal after so much time had passed was undoubtedly having a bit of an effect on you. 

“I’ve heard all about you. Pleasure to meet you, ma’am,” he gushed. You had to give credit where credit was due, Joel was a great actor. You’d given him a bit of backstory on your mom on the ride over to the house, and you’d certainly discussed her while the two of you were students, but definitely not to the extent that he was playing up.

“So nice to meet you,” she replied, her cheeks warming at her interactions with the man. Joel was laying it on thick, but it seemed to be working for her. “Miller, right?”

“Indeed,” he confirmed, flashing a pearly white smile at your mother. As you watched the interaction, you were doing your best to keep it together, partially wanting to laugh out loud at Joel’s overdramatic chivalrous act, and partially wanting to melt into a puddle over just how alluring he was.

“Then I’ve also heard a lot about you. My daughter had the biggest crush on you in high school! It’s so funny that you’ve ended up together now. I suppose God’s timing is always right?”

Your eyes grew wide and your mouth gaped open for a second as your mother reinforced your little secret that Joel had heard from someone else just a few days ago. Suddenly, you were feeling a lot less like a liquidy puddle, and more like the bark of a firm tree–if that tree could experience mortification. If you didn’t need it before, now you really needed that drink. He glanced at you and smiled cheekily before looking back at your mother. 

“So I’ve heard,” he said with a smirk, clearly biting back a laugh. You were going to kill your mother. And maybe Naomi too, while you were at it. In fact, you might just add yourself into the mix. It certainly couldn’t hurt. Or at least, it would hurt less than the discomfiture of your fake boyfriend hearing from everyone about the huge crush you had on him. 

“Mom! I think your other daughter just got here. Why don’t you go say hi to her and Ben?” you suggested, knowing that the best way to prevent her from embarrassing you any further was to distract her with the idea of embarrassing her other child in front of her significant other.  

You clearly knew your mother well, because the strategy worked well enough to get her off your tail. You passed Joel his beer as he watched you closely, the same mischievous smirk lingering on his face long after your mother had left. 

“Crush, huh?” he teased you, causing you to shake your head as you took a healthy sip from a deceptively strong punch. 

“Shut up,” you groaned. “Please.”

As the night went on, you realized that you couldn’t have picked a better candidate to pretend to be your boyfriend at a family gathering. Joel was quite sociable and polite, even more so with a beer in his system. He didn’t even mind entertaining your family members on his own as you went off and caught up with the few members of your family that you could tolerate for more than a few minutes at a time.

Following a rather chaotic series of discussions including when you and Joel were getting engaged (never, I mean, in the next few years. Probably.), the most romantic thing you’d done (backpacking through Europe, according to Joel), and what it was like reconnecting with your high school crush (fucking fantastic), you’d finally lost track of Joel. You did a quick lap around the house before bumping into your sister and cousin, the latter of which desperately described her need for air. 

The three of you huddled together outside on the deck, the spot where you seemed to find yourselves at almost every family function regardless of how fun or stressful it ended up being. While you were enjoying the mayhem of the party and enjoying your time with Joel even more, it was nice to have a little break from it all. 

“I can’t believe you’ve been home for just a few days and you’ve already gotten your childhood crush wrapped around your finger,” your sister laughed, comfortably leaning against the railing of the deck.

“That’s the power of working for a Fortune 500. All of the men in your hometown just want a sugar mommy for a little bit. Get some presents for the kids and wife for free,” you joked. 

“You’re kidding?” your cousin asked, her brows furrowed in a mixture of confusion and intrigue. 

“I’m kidding,” you confirmed. “You know, we aren’t even actually dating,” you confessed, lips and tongue loose from your second glass of punch. 

“What?” your cousin and sister exclaimed at the same time, the two of them suddenly very alert.

Even in your not-completely-there state of mind, you could tell that you had made a mistake telling your secret. It was now very likely that the entire house would know the truth within the next hour, or that you would not be hearing the end of how terrible an idea the whole ordeal was for months on end. 

“I figured you two just hit it off, or had some long distance thing going on?” your sister questioned, peering at you curiously as if your face would reveal some sort of information about your arrangement.

“Nope. It’s kinda a long story, but I guess the short of it all is that we’re pretending to be together for the holidays so certain people get off our asses,” you said casually, finishing off your drink and looking out into the backyard rather than making eye contact with either of your kin. 

“Fair enough,” your cousin sighed, finally relaxing once more. “If I wasn’t already seeing Will, I’d probably do the same.”

“Are you sure this is a good idea? He really broke your heart,” your sister asked, grabbing your arm to attempt to force you to look at her, and staring at you with concern. 

You were sure you could imagine what was going through her head in the moment, the vision of your heartbroken teenage self and the sound of your prolonged sobs as you questioned what your crush saw in her that he couldn’t see in you.  You really couldn’t blame her for being worried. She was your older sister, after all, the task of protecting you instilled in her from the day you left the womb, and clearly not gone now. But things were different now. You were all adults, you had more life experience and perspective, and most importantly, whatever was going on between you and Joel wasn’t real, regardless of how much you might have wanted it to be.

“Yeah, when we were eighteen. I think it’ll be fine,” you dismissed, as if anything was ever that simple. 

“And he seems like a sweetie now. I think my own parents were wishing I brought him home for the holidays,” your cousin, ever the peacekeeper, added as she attempted to diffuse the quickly escalating tension between you and your sibling. 

“He was also a sweetie thirteen years ago when he led you on, then got someone pregnant,” your sister snapped back with a huff, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her back to you. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” you declared, watching your breath float away in a cold puff of air. “Can we go inside now? I think my toes are gonna fall off.”

After a side eye from your sister and a nod of agreement from your cousin, the three of you headed back inside, where you made quick work of grabbing yet another drink and finding the fireplace.

A few couches were arranged by the fireplace, some filled from edge to edge with sleeping, snuggling children who were exhausted by the excitement of a holiday party, others with some of the older members of your family who simply needed a break from it all. Among them all, you were surprised to find Joel, enthusiastically talking to none other than your father. 

Your father was probably one of the most difficult people in your life to impress. He’d maybe told you that he was proud of you a total of five times in your life. Yet, he looked content, hell, happy as he spoke to your fake boyfriend. 

Part of you felt bad as you found your way to the empty spot on the couch next to Joel, but you were cold, and you weren’t going to pass up on the opportunity to warm up by the fire and the man that you had found was a bit of a human furnace. 

When Joel caught sight of you, he smiled and beckoned you over, and you made quick work of maneuvering yourself past the coffee table between the couch. Once you sat down, Joel surprised you by greeting you with a gentle peck on the lips. The action temporarily shocked you, and you desperately hoped that the feeling was not reflected on your face. The naturalness of it all almost felt as if you’d done it a thousand times, and you tried your best to suppress the part of you that wanted to do it a thousand more. 

“Hi honey,” Joel greeted you sweetly, his hand almost immediately finding yours. It all felt so right, and if you weren’t so endeared by him in the moment, you certainly would’ve been mildly panicking. 

“It was nice meeting you, Joel, but I’m old and I’m tired, so I’m gonna head out,” your father explained, giving you a half nod as he began to stand up. 

“Bye, dad. I’ll see you on Christmas?” you asked him, ignoring the panicked look that Joel was certainly sending your way. 

“Sounds like a plan. Love you. Get home safe,” he bid the two of you farewell before leaving without much other fanfare.

“Why didn’t you tell me that was your dad?” Joel asked you, looking at you with wide eyes. You laughed a little bit at his panic, finding the dumbfounded look on his face more adorable than you’d like to admit. 

“Thought it might’ve come up in conversation, or something,” you shrugged, suddenly feeling the exhaustion of the day, mixed with the criminally strong punch set in. “Why do you care so much? Trying to make a good impression, Miller?” you teased. 

“You’re the worst,” he groaned, then laughed as you snuggled up to his side. You weren’t exactly sure whether the laugh was coming from discomfort or relief, but with the bone-deep cold you were feeling and alcohol in your system, you couldn’t exactly bring yourself to care. “You’re also really cold. Are you okay?”

“Mmm, you’re really warm,” you replied, settling against his warm body unconsciously.

“Someone’s feeling the punch,” he replied, wrapping an arm around you as you closed your eyes. 

“It was way stronger than it needed to be,” you agreed in a murmur against his sweater. “Thank you for being such a good fake boyfriend tonight.”

“It was actually pretty fun. I like your family a lot,” he confessed, trying his best to maintain eye contact with you despite the fact that you were in the express lane to dreamland and your blinks were beginning to turn into miniature naps.

“Everyone liked you too. I owe you,” you yawned, dropping your head from the soft fabric of his sweater to the denim of his jeans.

“Mhm. Wanna head home?” he asked.

“How’d you know?” you responded as Joel chuckled above you. 

The ride back home was a mostly quiet one, with Christmas music playing softly on the radio and you dozing off in the passenger seat. Every now and then Joel glanced over at you, and the few times that your eyes were actually open, you wondered what it was that he was thinking. Was he checking up on you to make sure you were still alive? Probably. But you just swore there was something else in his eyes, something you’d seen when Ben looked at your sister, or when your parents looked at each other. 

But that was probably just the exhaustion speaking. 

Once you arrived at your sister’s place, Joel made quick work of helping you get inside safely, even helping you get to bed at your own insistence. Even in your not sober and exhausted state, you knew that you didn’t want the night to end. Even in your less than ideal state of mind, you knew that the way you were feeling about Joel was unsustainable. 

—

The soft, dim lighting of a restaurant that felt fancy even for you seemed to beam down on you, encouraging little beads of sweat to collect at your forehead and the creases of your arms. As much as you were desperately trying to maintain the appearance of being cool and collected, your staccato breaths, wobbly smile, and the rapidly appearing perspiration were quite clearly selling you out. You couldn’t help but to stare down at your menu like it was the most interesting thing in the world, the intimidation of sitting across from your fake partner’s ex-wife’s heated glare far more intense than what you’d expected. Far worse than sharing a brief, yet artificial moment of PDA in a grocery store, and far more than you expected to be able to handle. Yet, Joel had done the same for you, and really, it was only fair that you would do the same. 

After the Christmas party, you hadn’t really expected to hear anything else from your date. As far as you knew, Joel had only agreed to play pretend with you for one night, and as fun as that night was, it was all fake. 

As much as you hated to admit it, your sister was maybe, just a little bit right about the whole ordeal not being your best idea. You couldn’t help but think about the two of you at the party—how he’d held your hand like your hands were two pieces of a puzzle that were made for each other, how he cuddled with you on the couch and looked at you with such genuine concern when he thought you might not be well, but above all, you were stuck on his confession to you, about how beautiful you looked and how scared he was to tell you. 

You couldn’t believe that you were still making these kinds of stupid decisions, the type of decisions that made you want to lay in bed all day with a pint of ice cream and a soap opera playing on the revision, and not do work—the very work that you came back to Austin to do. 

But despite your urge to shut down, you tried your absolute best to do what you set out to do. You spent hours tossing ingredients in mixers, whipping egg whites into stiff peaks, and narrowly avoiding burning yourself as you took trays out of the oven. Only at the end of the day, as you wiped your forehead with a flour-covered arm and checked your phone did you realize that you’d missed a call from Joel. 

After a quick call-back and an explanation to your sister that you would no longer be third wheeling the night’s tree-lighting ceremony with her, you had somehow managed to renew your little agreement with Joel. Your task being a performance of being the perfect, dream girlfriend to Joel Miller, a task that you hoped you would be up for.

But as you sat at the table next to Joel, nearly sweating your mascara off, you began to question the extent of your capabilities within this particular role. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Naomi began, the sharp wing of her eyeliner and the depths of her eyes feeling like they were poking and prodding into you, searching for any weakness or insecurity to be exploited. “What are you up to these days?”

“Well, apart from making the most of my time with Joel,” you looked over at him with what you hoped appeared to be adoration, but probably came across more accurately as the fear you were experiencing, and grabbed his bicep–what you hoped to appear like a fond move, but was something more like you bracing onto him for dear life. “I’m a consultant in New York City. It definitely takes up a lot of my time, but it also feels like every second of free time I have, I’m spending it on the phone with this one.”

You and Joel chuckled, your choked out laugh feeling far more artificial than his. You hoped to whatever powers above that you would somehow manage to convince the couple across from you to believe a story that you could barely even believe yourself, although, with the way that Naomi was still glaring at you, you doubted that being the case. 

“That sounds fun,” she replied, leaning forward slightly as if she was ready to sink her teeth into you two and absolutely tear you apart. “So how’d you two reconnect?”

Joel, clearly sensing your discomfort, came to your rescue with a quick, preplanned answer. “Remember when I took Sarah to Manhattan earlier this year?” Joel began, averting his gaze from you and onto his ex, who now shot Joel a pleasant, yet, rehearsed smile. 

“Mhm,” she replied, seemingly already entertained by where the story might end up going. 

“Well, we ran into each other at a coffee shop a few blocks away from her workplace and really just hit it off. The rest is history,” he said, turning his attention back towards you.

“You two were hitting it off in front of our daughter?” Naomi asked, the slight tilt to her head and hint of smirk on her face revealing that her question was less out of concern for their child, and more out of taking an opportunity to antagonize the two of you.

“It was more like reconnecting. I swear, Joel is the only person in the world to think that recommending my favorite bagel shop in the city is flirting,” you attempted to save, not wanting to be labeled as a threat to their child just a few minutes into dinner.

“To my credit, you were selling it pretty hard. You were practically saying, ‘come with me to get bagels tomorrow,’” Joel added on, seemingly lighting up as the two of you added more and more to your fake meet-cute.

“Next time you visit we’ll get all the bagels you want, my love. We can even split them Lady and The Tramp style,” you giggled, feeling your cheeks warm as you imagined you and Joel at the opposite ends of one cream cheese filled bagel.

“Okay, yeah, I get it. I was just joking, anyway,” she replied, clearly fed up with the two of you.

“Sorry,” you apologized, actually feeling a little bad about how long your little bit had gone on. “What about you two? How’d you and Henry meet?”

“It’s actually a pretty cute story,” Henry spoke up after being a passive spectator for an uncomfortable period of time. “Noms had just moved out west a little bit after the divorce, and the two of us met in a yoga class. I accidentally took her yoga mat, and it was… what did you say earlier? The rest was history?”

The two of them shared an intimate laugh, one that indicated that they were referencing some sort of inside joke, just as you and Joel had earlier after you’d shared what you’d been doing with your life since high school. You glanced over at Joel, his pressed smile and slightly furrowed brows a clear indicator that he was not impressed by the two of them. Thankfully, before the tension could go any further, a kind waitress interrupted the conversation with the simple question of whether or not your table was ready to order. 

Shortly after ordering, the conversation picked up once again. While you occasionally were able to ask a question or two about the couple sitting across from you, it above all felt like you and Joel were being interrogated about the nature of your relationship. Lies easily flowed from both of your tongues, sandwiched between fond looks shared between the two of you as if there was no one else in the room, and stolen moments of physical affection that seemed to warm you from the inside-out.

As the two of you added more and more onto your story, the more you began to yearn for the more intricate details of it all to be true.

You wanted to receive a bouquet of flowers on your doorstep from someone almost two-thousand miles from you, just because he’d been thinking about you. You wanted to have a reason to come back and visit the city you grew up in, and to learn about every new hole-in-the-wall shop that had come to mean a lot to him. You wanted to take on his hobbies, and have him take on some of yours despite you both being terrible at them, solely because you knew that the other cared about it. The longer the night went on, the clearer everything became: you wanted all of this and more with Joel, but you’d clearly never be able to have him. 

It was no longer a question to you of if your arrangement should end, and had clearly become a matter of when it was going to end. No matter how much fun you were having holding Joel’s hand under the table and feeding the man next to you bites of scallop, you knew it wasn’t sustainable to be feeling so strongly about a situation that had been doomed from the start.

You were undoubtedly treading a very thin line between getting your hopes up for what wasn’t, but could be, and savoring every last second you had with Joel, pretending to be something that the two of you were very obviously not. With the arrival and passing of dessert, and the final spoonfuls of a split chocolate cake, you’d realized that your time with Joel had ended; a conclusion as bitter as the dark chocolate garnish on your shared plate.

The two of you held hands once more as you walked out to his car, fingers lingering together even after the couple you’d been putting a show on were safely tucked away in their own vehicle. You didn’t talk much on your ride back home, the air thick with a tension that made you wonder if Joel had come to a similar conclusion of his own during dinner. The radio filled in the silence where words lacked, covers of Christmas songs filling in for the conversation that surely should’ve been occurring. 

After a ride that felt like it had lasted forever and no time at all, you had finally arrived at your sister’s place, the final resting ground for whatever your relationship had been.

“Thanks,” you said as you unclipped your seatbelt, wanting to rip the bandaid off and leave as quickly as humanly possible, while also lingering in his car forever. “Have a good night.”

“Yeah,” he looked at you for a moment as if he had something more to say, but was holding his tongue. Taking one long look at your face, then offering you a weak half smile, he spoke once more. “You too.”

-

Though you were mildly disappointed when you didn’t hear back from Joel, you couldn’t say that you were particularly surprised. Everything about your final encounter in his truck indicated that the very brief chapter in both of your lives of pretending to be what you both were not was over. Still, you couldn’t deny the remnant ache in your chest when your father asked where your boyfriend was over Christmas dinner, or the pathetic way that you secretly hoped every ring of the bakery door would deliver you Joel Miller, much like your first day back in Austin did. 

Once again, you attempted to drown yourself in your work, working from open to close at your sister’s bakery and ending the day with sore legs, flour in your hair, and an intense desire to never consume anything sweet ever again. You somehow even managed to convince your boss to let you clock a few virtual hours at your actual job, spending all of the time that you were not at the bakery in your temporary bedroom, doing whatever tasks would set you ahead by the time you returned to work.

You realized you weren’t being particularly subtle with the fact that you were trying to distract yourself from something, and while your sister did her best to be whatever it was that you needed during such a bizarre time, she didn’t exactly press, though you were sure she had a bit of an idea of what was making you feel so down. 

“Hey, I have a catering job for us,” she informed you one morning as the two of you worked side-by-side. 

“When? You remember I’m leaving tomorrow, right?” you sighed, hoping your sister recognized your mild annoyance as less with her, and more with your time in Austin as a whole. You desperately wanted to leave, but you’d promised to stay until the new year began, when orders typically began to slow down. (“Resolutions,” she told you over the phone as you prepared to come back home.)

“Of course I remember,” she shook her head playfully as she spoke to you. “It’s tonight. At the Spoke. They’re doing some New Year’s Eve thing, and I think it’ll be fun.”

“I think maybe we have two different definitions of fun,” you commented, continuing to roll out the piece of dough in front of you.

“Oh, come on. What were you going to be doing anyway?” she pressed you, her attempt to get you to get out of the house clear as day now. “Working in your bedroom during your break? Sulking for reasons you refuse to share with me? Watching episodes of The Bachelor that you’ve seen a hundred times already?”

“Ugh, okay, okay. I’ll do it. We’ll do it,” you finally conceded.

“Good! Now, do you want a coffee? We’re gonna have a lot of trays to finish today.”

You couldn’t deny that it made you feel a little bit better knowing that you had somewhere fun to go that night. Despite living in Texas for the first portion of your life, you’d never had the opportunity to go to any sort of dance hall, and though you’d probably be spending the majority of your time distributing cupcakes to people, you were excited to be doing something fun regardless. 

After your longest and final shift at the bakery, your sister hugged you as tight as she could manage and thanked you for everything you’d helped her accomplish this holiday season, before sending you back home to get dressed up for the dance hall. After deciding to go full cowgirl with your attire, you peered in your sibling’s closet for any article of clothing that you could borrow for the night, and ultimately left her closet with a completely different wardrobe.

Even as you and your sister arrived at the dance hall early to set up, patrons were already beginning to flood into the venue. Their excited energy was contagious, and you couldn’t help but feel invigorated, your downtrodden feelings being replaced with much more positive ones.

As the night went on, you found yourself having more and more fun, whether it was from distributing pastries to rosy-cheeked dancers who paused to take a break from the floor, or flirty gentlemen who took the brief moment of your fingers touching over a distributed cupcake to ask to buy you a drink. While you were sure that you would’ve had a decent time doing nothing at home, then popping a bottle of champagne at midnight, the night was certainly shaping up to be a memorable one. 

Time seemed to be flying by as you stood by the table, offering cupcakes to whoever passed you by. It wasn’t long before Ben arrived, and your sister was excusing herself from the table to share a dance with her partner. You watched the two of them with adoration, thinking of how you would love to have someone to come sweep you off your feet and offer to dance with you–well, someone other than a sweaty patron. As much as you’d tried to convince yourself over the years that you weren’t cut out for relationships, your trip and weird fake dating arrangement with Joel had made you realize something of the opposite. Maybe you’d be ringing in the New Year with a Hinge download. 

After passing out the final cupcake you had, you began to break down boxes and put away some of the other items you’d brought to help the distribution process go more smoothly. With your back turned to the dance floor as you dropped leftover napkins into a plastic bag, you were surprised as you heard a familiar voice greet you from behind.  

“Joel?” you said as you looked up at the patiently waiting person, surprised to see his face after such an abrupt ending and a period of radio silence between the two of you.

“Hi,” he said, almost shyly. 

“Hi. Sorry, we just ran out of cupcakes” you stated, trying to pretend that things were business as usual between the two of you–whatever business as usual meant now. 

“I don’t…” Joel trailed off before ditching the idea altogether, surely figuring that whatever he had to say was more important than an explanation of how he was uninterested in the treats you were serving. “Can we talk?” 

“I mean,” you hesitated for a moment, wondering if it would be better to avoid everything altogether and simply move on with your life. You could simply tell him no, hop on a plane the following afternoon, then never think about Joel again. It would all be so simple and easy–the exact opposite of what your relationship had spiraled into during your time back in Austin.  “Yeah. Sure. Let’s talk.”

The truth was, as easy as you would’ve liked it to be, you were intrigued by Joel’s nervous body language. As he shifted from foot to foot and subtly picked at his hand, you imagined him walking into the hall with his friends, or whoever it was that he came with, seeing you, and immediately going to leave the venue, only staying from the coercion and peer pressure of his peers. You imagined him spending the night working up the nerve to come say to you what was left unspoken the last time the two of you talked, hoping that the beers in his system and all of the dancing would finally get enough jitters out of him to finally address you. 

“I’m all ears,” you shrugged, crossing your arms over your chest in a subconscious protective measure. Even though he could do no physical harm to you, your brain was all too aware of the damage he’d done to your heart in the past. 

“I’m sorry. For everything. For not reaching out to you after our dinner, and for being an oblivious idiot in high school. And I guess, for being an oblivious idiot now,” he began to blather, glancing down nervously at his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

You were surprised by his words and slightly unsure of what to say, or even think in response. Now that you had heard his apology, you were beginning to have an idea of the direction that this confession was likely going to take, and you couldn’t tell if you should be leaping for joy or finding the nearest exit. Maybe you could figure out a way to do both, jumping and skipping as you left through the fire exit.

Joel began to search for his next words and you tried to ignore the racing heartbeat in your chest as you attempted to search for your own. Just when you were thinking that it would be impossible for your situation to get any more uncomfortable, a man slightly shorter than Joel and who oddly resembled him sauntered up to the table where the two of you were attempting to speak.

“It’s gonna be twelve soon! Come dance!” the man shouted at Joel, his accent heavy and his words slurred as he grabbed onto Joel’s flannel sleeve. Joel shot him a dirty look, one that clearly communicated his annoyance, but didn’t exactly scream surprised. 

“Not now, Tommy,” Joel reprimanded, his gritted teeth and tense demeanor making you want to laugh–if not for his reaction, then over the surrealistic nature of the scene. Mere moments into some sort of apology or confession, the two of you had been interrupted by his intoxicated acquaintance asking him to dance. 

“Yes now, Joel. C’mon, lighten up!” the man practically whined, eliciting an exasperated eye roll from Joel. He looked back at you with tense shoulders and worry in his eyes, and you couldn’t exactly tell if he was looking for backup or sympathy. Instead of responding to him with either, you gave him a shy shrug of approval.

“We can talk while we dance?” you suggested, part of you hoping that maybe the distraction of doing something else while you spoke would make your conversation a little less difficult. 

Taking Joel’s hand, you followed the men out to the dance floor, where Tommy had disappeared just as quickly as he had appeared to interrupt Joel’s confession. Part of you wondered if this had been premeditated, or if Joel’s drunk friend was simply not able to read the room.

“Before we start, I have a confession of my own,” you began, hoping that what you were about to say would at least lighten up the mood of your conversation. Clearly, the two of you struggled with communicating your feelings, and you hoped sharing what you were prepared to share would at least be helpful in opening up a line of communication.

“Yeah?” he said hopefully. You tried your best to fight the smile that was threatening to appear on your face at the sound of his tone, but ultimately failed.

“I don’t have a damn clue how to do this,” you confessed, glancing over at the pairings around you moving together as if they had done these steps a million times–and knowing your town, they probably had. 

“It’s fine,” he said without an ounce of judgment in his voice. “I’ll teach you how.”

And he did, his mouth pressed closely to your ear as he counted off numbers in time with the live band just a few feet away from you, and directed your body left, right, back, and forward until you finally seemed to get the hang of the dance. Though there was still an elephant remaining in the room, dancing seemed to be successful in alleviating some of the tension that lingered. 

“Is it okay if we continue our conversation?” Joel asked as the two of you took a synchronized step back. Your eyes were trained on your nearly matching boots, and the thought of having to face your feelings–or the lack thereof–made your stomach churn. Once again, you began to consider the most efficient exit routes.

“Of course,” you replied, doing your best to mask the nerves that had bubbled right back up as you finally met his eye. 

“I was so excited to see you, when I found out you were back in town. I guess there was still part of me that wondered what things might have been like if things were different. Then I saw you in the store, and we started doing… whatever we were doing, and I just kept wanting more. It just felt so real, too real, and I started wanting more than what I could have. I mean, you live so far away, and even if you didn’t, I’m sure you have romantic prospects all over the place. Why would you settle for me?”

You almost couldn’t believe what you were hearing. Joel still thought about you? He had begun to want more in the same way that you did the more your fake relationship progressed? He thought he wasn’t good enough for you?

“Joel-” you began, his name slipping off your tongue involuntarily. You desperately wanted to dispute his claims, but he didn't let you finish. 

“I guess I just wanted to apologize for how I acted. I didn’t want you to assume that things ended how they ended for any other reason other than me making terrible decisions as usual.” Once again, it was Joel’s turn to look uncomfortable, and you couldn’t exactly blame him after what he shared with you. 

“I accept your apology, but it wasn’t all your fault. And you’re not an idiot,” you clarified in between a spin, finishing your sentence as Joel pulled you back to him. “I was disappointed, but I understood. Honestly, I was starting to feel the same way with you. Our fake dating was starting to feel a little too much like real dating, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up when you were clearly uninterested.”

“But I’m not uninterested,” Joel looked at you with a glimmer of hope in his eyes, which only seemed to be highlighted by the fact that his arm was draped across your torso, a welcome result of the spinning move. “I want to try, if you want to try. The distance is a hurdle, but we can give it a shot, at the very least. We can visit each other when we get the chance. We can watch the same episodes of The Bachelor, then discuss it afterward.”

“Oh my god, who told you about that?” you remarked, interrupting his big speech. 

“Your sister. At the Christmas party,” Joel replied, his cheeks flush with the adrenaline of sharing his feelings with you and the excitement of dreaming of a future with you.

“She’s unbelievable,” you murmured, shaking your head the slightest bit before Joel continued.

“But that’s besides the point. We can send each other delivered gifts, and can talk to each other every day, like what you told Naomi.”

“What I told her when I was lying?” you asked with a laugh, reminiscing on your dinner.

“Well, yeah… But it doesn’t have to be a lie. I can come visit you, and you can come visit me. We can get bagels at your favorite shop when I come to the city. I can teach you how to dance when you come to Austin. Maybe it’s crazy, but I think we can try. Should try.”

“I would like nothing more than that,” you confessed, an honest truth that seemed to light you up from the inside. Hearing Joel’s almost crazed rant about how passionate he was about trying made you a little less afraid of your possible future together, and a whole lot more sure about your feelings for the man. 

“Then let’s do it. Let’s do it right this time,” he said as the music finally came to a conclusion, being swapped out for none other than the chant of a countdown. 

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One. 

As cheers of ‘Happy New Years’ rang out, Joel gently directed your face towards his, your noses and foreheads pleasantly bumping into each other. As your lips finally touched, it felt as if two puzzle pieces designed for each other and meant to be together had finally fallen into place, the rumble of fireworks outside celebrating the long-awaited union between the two of your bodies.  

In the past, the affection the two of you had shared had felt real, but deep down you were aware that it was nothing more than a farce. A façade to trick judgmental exes and prying family members. But this time, the affection was different. 

The growing warm feeling in your chest, the electric sparks on your skin where Joel was touching you, and the look of admiration in his eyes once you’d finally pulled away told you everything you needed to know. 

This was real.

[larkingame]

so, i don't usually crosspost these posts, but this week's update on patreon is available to everyone and I know I have a bit of a larger following on tumblr, and I'd really like everyone on the same page so I'm dropping all I have to say here too.

good evening friends!! i hope you're all doing well! welcome to the first update of 2024. momentous for me personally, because this is the year we finish larkin. i am making this post available to all patrons, (paid or not) because I'd really like to start 2024 on the right foot with everyone aware of the road ahead. i am so determined to get it done you have no idea. this is my year. 2024, i christen thee: the year of the vampire cowboy.

okay, so big things ahead, lets talk about the update, explore some of the features we have in the game, plans for this weekends release, the schedule and a couple other things.

so, if you've played at all with the new version of the game, you'll take notice that it's a little bit different than my first image of the game. at first larkin was just a straight interactive fiction following the likes of cog like games, with choices and avenues and split stats and the like. but now, as of 2024 (crazy) we're seeing a game that is more reminiscent of a ttrpg, like dnd or cyberpunk, with stats, classes and dice rolls. admittedly, the very first encounter of the game is well (it's a little rigged) the game, of course, could not really get started if the preacher gets cooked before they've even made it to nevada, so, the odds are a little bit stacked in the players favor this round, but at least, it gives you a little bit of a taste of whats to come. to dive into the specifics of what's important with this first encounter (or just, how to avoid getting your ass really kicked) these first few rolls give bonuses to players with high dexterity and athleticism—-but that's not to say you need to make your character beefed up in these departments. each stat will get their time to shine later down the line.

but let's talk about what i'm really excited to discuss: classes. so with the new version of larkin, i've introduced a system of classes that operate somewhat like your standard dungeons and dragons class, but with a little bit more of that classic background from the original ttrpg mixed in—coloring the way your character sees the world of the game, sort of how a race might effect a dnd character--(a dwarf player is going to have a much different worldview than say, an elf.) for this i was heavily inspired by games like dragon age origins and baldur's gate, and while I do have those original background ready to be dropped a little bit later on the game in relation to your character's perspectives on the abrams family, I really like how these have come to form.

in total there are seven new classes: con-man, outlaw, healer, thief, gambler, showman and slayer. each of these classes warps the perspective of the player character, giving them new motivations, dialogue options, and affects their relationships with the other characters in the game and the world around them. to illustrate this, I'm thinking of making a little bit more of an in depth explanation screen to be added to saturday's update to really get that point across, but I'm still toying with how I want to phrase the specifics of it. what i might do is something similar to baldur's gate with little pop-up tutorials that can be turned off/on depending on how you'd like to play.

to give an example of some of the more in depth motivations/choices each class offers lets talk about the thief and the outlaw classes. the thief class i am especially excited for, because like the con-man class and similar to a few others, it really allows your character to be very money/materialistically motivated. it opens up routes later in the game, like romancing one of the sokolovs—with motivations reminiscent of gold-digging (hehehe very excited for that—i think it will be very fun to write—because you have this idea of a cold hearted player who is entering into a relationship with them strictly for business, versus a cold hearted player who is in it for the cash but also. might be falling in love with one of the sokolovs? ((a lot of fun dynamics afoot here.)) the outlaw class is also one i'm excited to work with because it really puts something of a strain on the preacher and wyatt's relationship—-mostly because you see a strong division in terms of their ethics—the preacher in that case is very 'do what you gotta do to survive,' whereas wyatt believes (key word—believes) he's living by some sort of moral code—that he's failed to instill in the person he views as his child. so like there are layers here boys. layers of resentment, failure—to connect, to teach, to bond. a final tidbit about the slayer class before I move on: if you would really like to play into the enemies to lovers trope with one of the vampires, I would highly recommend giving your player this class ((that's all I'll say))

so: saturday, that takes us to the bar, where each class will get a unique scene, similar to how the scheming tactic section worked in the original game. we're gonna finish up the encounter with the first vampires, meet our guild pursuers and move to the bar. I'm planning also to implement the character customization here—(sort of a way to prep before the player heads out to the bar.) most likely won't get to all classes by saturday's code, but after that, I'm planning to release again on next wednesday, so we're keeping on track. I'd really like to give a full picture of customization for the player character, with all the original options for physical appearance (i might keep clothes vague for now though and let you dress your character later on, until you get a taste of the inventory/bartering system-—you have to deal with MY poor fashion choices for a little bit.) but that being said, about character customization, if there's something that's lacking here and you'd like to suggest an addition I'd be all ears. This is what I'm planning to implement so far:

skin tone

body type*

hair color

hair texture

hair length

hair style**

height

skin details (acne, scars, vitiligo, rosacea)

facial hair

make-up

piercings

eyewear (glasses, no glasses, eyepatch, prosthetic eye)

gender-affirming customization (for ex. use of binding)

* a note on the body type section, I kind of had this idea of digitally drawing some silhouettes of different heights, shapes and sizes, and allowing the player to click through arrows to select a rough estimation of what their body-type might look like. I'm going to do an art dump later this month, and I have a few sketches of what I'd kinda like to do with that, but I'm still toying with it, because even that could be a little limiting in terms of options. if any of you had thoughts on that, I'd love to hear them.

**I think it might also be cool to kind of have drawings of different hairstyles available to the characters, arranged in the card formats like the previous gender options in that same red colored sketch format.

speaking of art though--and this is purely tangential so I apologize, I'm sure you've taken notice of some of the art being repetitive--for the moment that's purposeful. I'm planning to commission some work for the cards to be implemented in a later update--so what you're seeing are just placeholders for now.

okay! with saturday's notes out of the way, plans for the rest of the week. I need to finish the timeline and then I need to make it readable to people other than myself. it is currently incomprehensible and of the few people that have gotten their eyes on it only one (1) could make sense of my mad ramblings. (shout out to friend of the game bianca from exiled from court if any of you are familiar with her or her stuff, we are  big bianca fans here.) After that I need to do some edits with the new update and such, and poke at the code.

Tonight after I post this, I'm specifically working on sending a few more emails to betas (know that sending emails is. my personal hell because of intense social anxiety. BUT we must persevere. emails will be sent tonight.) after that, I have to work on the phillip/kc/sam schedule + calendar for this month, just to keep the three of us on the same page. I'm in the process of looking at some stamps.com printers for sending out packages with this next round of physical rewards and ordering the merch (hehehe)

okay. super long update for our first one of the year, but I am so excited to get to keep working with you guys :) i'd like to thank you all for your continued support and I can't wait to show you more of the little universe i've crafted :)

until friday! i'm gonna be posting some cyrus asks/scenarios for you all to enjoy, so look forward to that! <3

[eringurumi]

Here is my latest crochet project!! And thrifting, sewing, crafting... I knew from the second we were going to move to New Zealand, my "Halloween" (they don't really celebrate it here, but I feel like these costumes are going to be pretty versatile) costume for the family would be Lord of the Rings inspired! So here's our little fellowship - an elf, a dwarf, and a hobbit!

I of course was excited to crochet / yarncraft an epic beard - there are many examples online, I just sort of winged it.

For the cloaks and robes, I thrifted mostly duvet covers, bedsheets, and pillowcases. There are a bunch of cloak tutorials on youtube, but again, I mostly took some inspiration, and worked with the limitations of what I had. A lot of the rest of the clothes were thrifted / we already had.

I also made the leaf pins, trying to make them look a little like the silverfern that is so prominent here in New Zealand, the beard-rings and One Ring out of foil (the gold foil was off a Whittaker's chocolate bar!), elf bracers out of a thrifted purse, and elf ears from some felt and wire I had in my craft stash!

This was really fun to do! It's not a high quality cosplay or anything like that, but the cloaks have great swish, and I'm gonna get some use from them, I'm sure!

[hardearnedwisdom]

I am Profoundly excited for Dragon Age: The Veilgaurd.

TL;DR—Dragon Age: The Veilgaurd coming out is very big for me personally, and this is why.

I remember the first time I played a Dragon Age game. The year was 2014, I was obsessed with The Sims 4, and my dad was helping me set something up on my computer. He insisted that we check in Origin, EA’s infamous game launcher, had any free games. That day, the free game was Dragon Age: Origins. Now, when I first played Dragon Age: Origins, I was nine years old and never made it past the Dalish Rouge backstory and tutorial.

That same year, my dad got his prized PlayStation 4. I remember holding the sleek black controller, controlling the second player avatar for Knack, and feeling the haptic feedback for the first time. I was astounded that this was something that was possible with gaming. I felt like I was a part of the world.

At some point, my dad got Dragon Age: Inquisition. I remember him telling me about the hole in the sky that you needed to close, and how that was just the beginning of your story. I was instantly intrigued. I made my first inquisitor, a Dalish Elf Rouge named Lyme, and never got past the tutorial.

Flash forward a couple of years to December of 2018. I’m fourteen, it’s winter break, and three weeks prior I had been dumped. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and so I decided to pick up the PlayStation remote and take on the world I had been thinking about for years but had never had the time—or skill—to explore. That December, I spent hours exploring the Hinterlands, battling dragons on the storm coast, and making alliances. After my first heartbreak, I found solace in Solas, the kind elf who liked my inquisitor—and by extension, me—for my wit and intelligence. January came too soon, and I had to put down the controller and return to the frightening world of middle school.

I changed schools for High School, and the world shut down the spring of my freshman year. I found myself coming back to gaming and fantasy RPG’s to escape the world around me and connect with friends and family. I started playing World of Warcraft with my dad and my friends, and I came back to Inquisition. I moved from the PlayStation to the PC, and I had to start the game over again, but I didn’t mind. It just gave me an excuse to stay in Thedas for longer. My inquisitor, Elvera Levellan, embodied the strength, grit, and intelligence that I needed to channel during such a difficult and confusing time. I found myself falling again for the quiet elf, siding with the mages, and immersing myself in the intrigue of the conflict occurring around me.

Solas was everything I wanted from a boyfriend when I was younger. He was kind, flirted with his wit, kissed passionately, he took things slow, and danced with me at the ball. I was gutted when he left my inquisitor. Years prior I had projected my heartbreak onto him, naively thinking that there was no way this nerdy elf would break my heart. Boy was I wrong.

I finished the base game after one hundred and twenty hours of playtime, and I saved the DLC for hard moments in my life when I needed to return to Thedas. The last time I was in Thedas was in the spring of 2021 when I finished Trespasser. I don’t recall the decisions I made regarding the fate of the Inquisition or who became the divine, but I remember Iron Bull's betrayal, and how my heartache and need to find Solas through the Elluvians mirrored that of my inquisitor. We both needed answers. We both wanted closure. I was angry and hurt and mad at an egg for gods sake.

In my life's most challenging moments, I have looked to Elvera--my inquisitor—for strength to borrow. From getting molds taken of my mouth at the orthodontist (an experience which I hate) to comforting a friend on their deathbed, she has been a source of strength, a suit of armor to don in my most vulnerable moments when I cannot falter. That strength looks different in a dentist's chair and on a deathbed, but It is strength nonetheless.

Needless to say, I am so excited to return to Thedas in thirty days. Every week for the past several years, I had done a quick Google search for “Dragon Age 4”, desperate for news of the next installment. I always felt a pang of disappointment each time I found that there was no news, but I never gave up hope. I delayed travel plans this summer so that I could watch the first gameplay demo with my dad this summer.

The Dragon Age series, and Inquisition in particular hold such a special place in my heart. They were part of my introduction to gaming, and you never forget your first games. They brought me comfort and an escape from the world when I felt as if a hole had been blown in our sky. The characters have lent me strength when I have needed it most.

I cannot wait to create my Rook and explore Tevinter. I can only hope that my inquisitor can finally get the closure that we both need. I am excited to fall in love with Dragon Age and Thedas all over again.

[tearsinthemist]

Want to learn something new

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

Jan 2, 2023

Want to learn something new in 2023??

Cooking with flavor bootcamp (used what I learned in this a LOT this year)

Beekeeping 101

Learn Interior Design from the British Academy of Interior Design (free to audit course - just choose the free option when you register)

Video on learning to read music that actually helped me??

How to use and sew with a sewing machine

How to ride a bike (listen. some of us never learned, and that's okay.)

How to cornrow-braid hair (I have it on good authority that this video is a godsend for doing your baby niece's black hair)

Making mead at home (I actually did this last summer and it was SO good)

How to garden

Basics of snowboarding (proceed with caution)

How to draw for people who (think they) suck at art (I know this website looks like a 2003 monstrosity, but the tutorials are excellent)

Pixel art for beginners so you can make the next great indie game

Go (back) to school

Introduction to Astronomy (high school course - free textbook w/ practice problems)

Principals of Economics (high school course - free textbook w/ practice problems)

Introduction to philosophy (free college course)

Computer science basics (full-semester Harvard course free online)

Learn a language

Japanese for Dummies (link fix from 2022)

Ukrainian

Portuguese (Brazil)

American Sign Language (as somebody who works with Deaf people professionally, I also strongly advise you to read up on Deaf/HoH culture and history!)

Chinese (Mandarin, Simplified)

Quenya (LOTR fantasy elf language)

Dec 26, 2023

Want to learn something new in 2024??

Beginner-oriented video on how to sail

This guy has so many videos on baking different types of bread. SO very many.

Coding in Python - one of the most flexible and adaptable high-level programming languages out there - explained through projects making video games

Learn to swim! (for adult learners. I don’t care if you live in Kansas or Mali or wherever. LEARN TO SWIM.)

Learn how quantum mechanics works. Then read some more about it

[Learn about quantum mechanics again, but in a more advanced engineering/mathematics class. Then read more about the math and physics of it]

Poetry Handbook, by Mary Oliver

Something I learned this year: how to sew a quilt (Here’s a very easy beginning pattern that looks amazing and can be done with pre-cut fabric!)

How to hit the ball in softball

Tutorial video on what is under the hood of most (gas) cars + weird engine sounds and what they mean

Full beginner mechanics technical training, if you want to go more in depth

Playlist on how car engine physics work if you want to go ultra in depth

Lecture series on architecture design through study of buildings

How (American income) taxes & tax law work (choose “audit course” at checkout for free class)

Pickleball for beginners (so you can finally join your neighbor/friend/distant cousin who is always insisting you join their team)

+ Para-Pickleball for beginners (for mobility aid users!)

School is so much more fun when there’s no tests:

American Law - Contracts

Shakespeare’s Life and Plays

Fairy Tales: Meanings, Messages, and Morals

Modern Poetry

World History [Part 1, Part 2]

Learn a language:

Arabic + Resource Guide compiled from Reddit (includes info on different dialects)

Chinese (Cantonese) (audio)

Urdu (frequently recommended course on Reddit) + Resource Guide

Yucatec Maya

[akaviri-dovah]

✨ pretty boy spotted‼️✨

result of around 2 days of trying to recreate a lost racemenu preset from my old laptop (and then tweaking it a bit more afterward), then extensively messin' around in nifskope and creation kit (which spontaneously self deleted on me no less than 5 times. why ;w;). followed this tutorial to the best of my ability. but I couldn't for the life of me find the exported facegens so I was just like, frick it, using the skse/racemenu export straight and pray that grey face bug doesn't rear its ugly head... and BEHOLD!

a replacer for my-not-mine beloved, Talerion!

my favourite-est follower finally looks like my own vision of him!

left - how he look in the original mod (vanilla assets) middle - how I draw him right - approximation of how I draw him in racemenu

unfortunately due to permission issues I can't upload this thing to Nexus. but if anyone wants to try out for themselves you can comment or dm me or something.

mods used:

High Poly Head

Total Character Makeover

HG Hairdos w/ some personal edits (the hairstyle I used for him is exclusive to female characters in the original mod)

Kala's Elf Eyes

Tempered Skins for Males

[wrenanigans]

SAW A SKYRIM POST YOU REBLOGGED. SKYRIM FAN???

YES! New skyrim fan! I finally started playing the game 12 years after its release and I am HOOKED! I’m gonna use this ask as an excuse to ramble so uh, long post beware xD

Okay so my first ever run has been the most chaotic shit. I just finished the main questline, but it was a JOURNEY to get there.

I’ve been playing with my gf @bucca2 who introduced me to the game. The first thing she did, as soon as we got out of the tutorial (and got mods working, including multiplayer), was take me to a little farm up north to meet somebody. “You liked Kefka, I think you’ll like this one,” she said. Cryptic and concerning! And I found this wagon and met Cicero.

To quote Aby, “Yeah, honestly, it was like taking a kid to Disneyland for the first time. There was this quiet wonder in his voice like he was discovering magic was real...honestly, I wish I had been recording. It was very adorable. He was hooked from Cicero's first voice line.”

Dude, when I say “blorbo at first sight” I mean I was down bad in an instant. I was writing fanfic based on that interaction alone (with some helpful hints from Aby). I had dreams about the bastard on night one. I got obsessed.

That feral enthusiasm did not wane as the game went on, because I went straight for the Dark Brotherhood questline. I was the Listener before I had even spoken with the Greybeards. I even updated a mod from an old Skyrim edition myself so I could marry Cicero. I was all about that wretched little fool and it was making a fool of me.

With Cicero as my first companion, I went onto the Thieves’ Guild quests next. Did you know that you can fail the tutorial pickpocketing quest? Because that’s what I did! They recruited me anyway. I got up to the Sepulcher quest, but never finished it, so I just have the skeleton key xD

When we assassinated the vampire in the DB questline, I got infected, and decided “eh, why not!” So I became a vampire. This made the inheritance of Bloodchill Manor extra fun — I simply sat back and watched the bloodbath! I only had to lift a finger when the Dawnguard came knocking xD

I went to the Bards’ College next. We’d “acquired” an expansion mod for it (do not get me started on other modders who charge for their shit. i have strong 🏴‍☠️ opinions) so that was a fun extra questline.

Up next was some Daedric prince shenaniganry. I got the Ebony Blade and did some light murderizing to buff it, then met Sanguine for some debauchery. My stealth archer build got even more broken when I stopped by to pick up Barbas from Clavicus Vile. Immortal dog to tank for me? Yes please!

Then I did the Dawnguard questline! I accidentally-on-purpose cheesed the pilgrimage to go fill the ewer. I got so lost in the Vale that I found the palace treasure room when I was only on shrine two. Seeing Serana shove the snow elf bastard off the cliff was fun, though I did miss the loot…

After that, I decided it was time for some warmongering, and signed up for the Imperial Legion. Which was a little awkward, considering I’d assassinated the Emperor already, but what they don’t know can’t hurt me! I had great fun in the battles where I simply perched up high and picked Stormcloaks off, like some sort of nefarious gargoyle. Also, General Tullius? would. He also saved my ass when I got lost in the Whiterun battle and found by 7 or so Stormcloaks, and he tanked while I shot them down. Sometimes the game’s mechanics make for great story :P

Finally, it was time for the mainline quest. I tolerated Delphine until she was no longer useful, at which point I turned to Parthurnax for guidance. Being told to go on a grand quest to find the Elder Scroll I already had was pretty entertaining, especially considering I’d done the same thing with the dragonstone from the first dungeon (which I’d gone to early to retrieve the golden claw). It was also funny as hell when I tried to talk my way into heaven and the only faction dialogue choices I had where the two that the dude didn’t like xD

After that, I went, “well now what? …probably lunch.” So I went and munched on somebody, as a vampiric treat. That’s where I last left my playthrough! I’ve had an absolute blast with the game, even if I am playing it ass-backwards. I may go do the Dragonborn DLC content next. If you have any recommendations for more shit to get up to, I’d love to hear it! Especially if it involves murder xD

[sovonight]

what's exhausting about bg3? I know me and a few others haven't been able to get it bc we're poor and I wanted your take on how it's exhausting if you don't mind

i called it exhausting for ace reasons so if you're not super ace you'll be fine. i do have other disappointments though:

visual character customization is lacking

like okay i'd bought the game blind so my disappointment is 100% on me, but can you blame me for assuming based on posts of people raving about the customization options and saying they 'made their oc' that there would be a fully-fledged cc with sliders for facial features and everything??

what you get is just a set of like 8 preset faces (for human/elf/half-elf/tiefling/etc at least) and 2-4 body options. there's an impressive amount of hairstyles at least, but what the fuck does that matter if i can't even really customize my character's face. there's not even much you can do with the textures--you only get a palette of pre-approved colors instead of a color picker, there's no option to flip or translate tattoos/facepaint, and you can't even layer makeup textures. the ui design here is very clunky too which just underlines how low of a priority it must've been

on one hand i get it, this all costs time and money and they clearly had a lot on their plate with the actual meat of the game, but on the other hand my character gets the most closeups on the camera in dialogue/cutscenes, so why can't i do more with their appearance?? the character customization possibilities everyone raved about really just boil down to class, stats, & numbers, so basically more like arpg character building, where it's more about gameplay than the character

don't get me wrong, the race/background/class you pick do influence dialogue options, but i can't do something as standard as sculpt my character's face?? are you kidding me?? like, if they're not gonna let me do that, then what the fuck are all these high res glossy graphics for?? everyone else in this game gets a unique look except for me, huh? if they care that little they might as well turn this back into a text-centric game and let me import a custom png for my character like in the old days

there are a few points in the game where i was like, they really took the trouble to write and pay a voice actor to voice responses based on player actions to that level of specificity… when that time and money could've been put towards the cc. like yeah it's impressive, but it's empty. i don't need this character to voice my exact actions--i KNOW i took those actions--i want something of worth to me.

navigating the map is kind of a pain

you use the keyboard to control the camera, and you use the mouse to click where you want the character to go. the issue i have with this is that the camera is SO frustrating to orient and zoom in and out sometimes--they go through great pains to try and not show the insides of any 3d models while you're moving the camera, and they'll cut away the rooftops and other levels for you, but sometimes the game just Doesn't Understand What I'm Trying To See. like they've made it so ~elegant~ and ~presentable~ that it gets in my way. i constantly feel like i'm fighting the controls--not just of the camera, but the movement too. tbf, i don't know how this could be made better so i think what they did was the best solution, but i do get very frustrated

there's no undo button if i click "hide" by accident

unlike literally every other button on the hotbar, there's no "click again to confirm" or "right click to cancel". they just instantly hide and that bonus action is WASTED

you can enable tutorial-like informative popups, but they forget to teach you some of the most basic ways to interact with the world

there's a heavy rock at some point that's "too heavy to throw" but is clearly meant to be interacted with. …you're supposed to click and drag to "drag" it away. i had to look up what to do with it and i'm not crazy because MANY people had the same question!! not to mention those small tunnels around the environment where your character's like "well I'M too large to fit in there" and i'm like "oh i'll summon my tiny familiar and have them scurry in there!" only for the tunnel to be like "uh your familiar can't interact with me actually". so i give up because i'm over it at that point and i go online hours later to look it up and SOMEONE SAYS YOU CAN SEND YOUR FAMILIAR THROUGH THE TUNN-- (at this point i have keeled over in rage)

you can press left alt to highlight interactable items, but they only highlight what they think is important based on their own mysterious criteria. you have to sweep around like it's an i-spy game to figure out ALL the interactables in the area

i would like this if the CAMERA WERE EASIER TO OPERATE and if--actually no! no! i would NEVER like this! either highlight everything or highlight nothing at all, don't waste my time! i understand that some stuff is left unhighlighted so that the characters can roll perception checks and go "OH! a hidden lever!" but JUST TELL ME OUTRIGHT WHERE THE CRATES ARE. i play with an unavoidable glare on my screen and also, frankly, i have better things to do than squint and pick out every item in the room. let me get my meagre satisfaction from looting and be done with it!

there is absolutely no firm indication of when you might be stepping into an exclusively romantic or sexual line of dialogue

i would like this if i could turn the sex off. like set sex to no. i'm a fan of not having too many dialogue indicators or visible approval bars, BUT ONLY when i know i can relax and feel comfortable in the game. this game loves suggestive wording so i can never tell whether a scene could just be played platonically or not. like (early spoiler) gale invites you to a private magic lesson that he says can only take place in an intimate setting, so you meet him after the party, alone. given the other conversations i'd just experienced (from the fighter & the vampire) i was like great this is going to be sexual isn't it, but i was weak and wanted character interaction so i gave in and i went--and then IT WASN'T??? in fact you could play it totally platonically?? so i almost MISSED a perfectly good companion interaction because of the overly suggestive way it was worded!

"sovo are you sure that isn't just gale's personality to say it like that" YES BECAUSE EVERY COMPANION EXHIBITS THIS. it's woven into the companions, into the narration, into all the word choices. it's just a suggestive game all around, the atmosphere NEVER goes away, even when it's just a false alarm. it's part of why it's so ABSOLUTELY exhausting--because i know every other person playing this and seeing this is having a blast, and i'm the only one out here with my guard up and 10 layers of emotional shielding because i CAN'T like any companions because they're GOING to proposition my character at some point and i WILL take emotional damage when my only options are "yes let's enter a fully animated sex scene!" or "no i fucking hate your guts". do you see?? do you see my pain?? where is the middle option--the compromise?? and oh yeah, the rest of the real life world thinks my complaints are baseless, ridiculous, and avoidable. "just don't fucking play, idiot!" but do i not deserve to have fun as well? can i not get a CRUMB of something in a world where i have to make everything myself?? just once, can i play a game and have it fit--not perfectly, but at least fit??

just give me the heart icons of da:2/da:i. tell me when i'm walking into a flag i don't want to raise. better yet, when the game asks whether or not you want nudity enabled, add an option there to opt out of romance too. i say romance even though all i want is to opt out of the sex dialogue options bc as we all know romance and sex can NEVER be separated--

anyway those are my gripes. the things i like about it are… well, there are a few fights where i was like, oh that's cool that it actually uses the environment and/or teaches you a mechanic about the game that you can put into use later. the environmental puzzles are interesting, but all satisfaction is lost when i have to look up the basic mechanics they rely on that i was never taught or made aware of in-game. but i don't play games like these for gameplay, i play them for the story and the companions and the romance, so given this specific game i guess i should just keel over and die

[snarp]

Last night's overly-complicated dream: a Dungeon Meshi setting-based game, with a plot structured like Dragon Age: Origins.

Most of the player origin storylines were very short and basic, and re-used a lot of dialog and NPCs - the game had even shipped with the dwarf one glitched and unfinishable, to my outrage.

There was one exception, obviously originally intended to be the only player character: a half-foot raised within a small enclave of a plot-relevant elven religious/military order (based on the Canaries and the Grey Wardens), which was itself located in a soon-to-be-razed half-foot ghetto within an orcish dungeon kingdom (visually based on the darkspawn Deep Roads sections from "A Paragon of her Kind," and also on a disintegrating mall in Elizabethtown, KY).

This player character's adoptive father is an early plot-relevant boss, an orc general who is a bull chimera - basically, a minotaur - who was in a brief political (?) marriage with the half-foot "mayor," who was implicitly the prior dungeon lord. After this woman's death, he was pressured to give the toddler player character to the elf cultists to ensure that she had no potential "heir".

...But he maintained contact with the player, calls them his "daughter" (regardless of player-selected gender, according to Tumblr complaints), and reminisces sadly about her mother. His continued visits to the elf cult may even be how its senior members infiltrated the orcs' political structure and convinced them to get involved with The Blood Lord (final boss, basically The Demon/The Archdemon) who convinced their leader to build a golem army and conquer the outside world.

The elf cult's purpose in most places is stated to be "killing vampires"... but naturally its members are very prone to going mad with bloodlust, and there are always a few who get brainwashed by The Blood Lord and decide that they really ought to be serving the vampires/become vampires themselves/etc. 

The player character's sect is pretty much cooked by the time she finishes the tutorial section. There are a bunch of plot-relevant conversations she can have with her dad and other orc-aligned characters trying to convince them that their "allies" in the blood cult are "turning this shit into a Dragon Age game". (The comedic dialog choices invariably have bad consequences, which tells me that Ryoko Kui probably did not make the gameplay design choices.) 

Ultimately, she always has to flee and choose which potential ally to try to mobilize first against the orc invasion: a human city-state, a gnomish university, or the elf-queen. In each case, she has the option of going to the local cultists and warning them first. 

This is always clearly-telegraphed as a bad move, but it's also clearly the devs' "canonical" choice to go immediately to the elf capital and try to warn what the player character believes to be the "high priestess" of their cult. She will there learn that only four cult members are still in the elvish capital, the hundreds of others having disappeared years ago, leaving behind the "unworthy" as they went on a doomed/evil quest... to the dungeon the player just fled.

Two of these four "unworthies" will join your party permanently, and one - the one your news has turned into the order's de-facto "leader", a cranky middle-aged woman who looks like Cithis with her head shaved - is romanceable *only* if you're playing as the female half-foot cultist and she's the very first person you warn about the orcs. She will disappear from the plot of the game entirely if you fail to do this.

Additionally: the game has kinda Soulsborne-y action gameplay, but it's heavily-geared towards stealth and avoidance of enemies. The cultists' skillsets - particularly the half-foot cultist and Not-Cithis - are mechanically by far the easiest way to play the game. The dream spent like 20 minutes making me do boring grindy swordfights with the glitched dwarf origin.

Most boss fights encourage the player to control one or more plot-relevant allies who have specialized skills that will do most of the actual damage. Not-Cithis is the best character for the final boss fight, and also the fight with your minotaur dad - *if* you want to permakill him.

[mariasont]

i have never done my make up before and i actually dont know how. Do you have any advice on how to start ? ( your recent fic with hotch watching bimbo!reader caused me to ask this )

i love this !!!! honestly makeup can totally seem overwhelming at first but it’s all about starting small and just having fun with it !! id recommend starting with like the 3 basics — a little tinted moisturizer or concealer, some mascara (or blush, i feel like this depends on u, some people hate the feeling of mascara on), and maybe a tinted lip balm or gloss. it doesn’t have to be crazy right away !

some of my personal recs:

tinted moisturizer: i use laura mercier oil free tinted moisturizer it’s my holy grail (but it also offers more coverage than most). also maybelline’s bb cream is really good if ur wanting more lightweight feel

concealer: i personally like both the nars radiant creamy concealer and once again maybelline’s FIT me

mascara: clinique’s high impact waterproof (super good in terms of durability) or essence lash princess (literally one 5 dollars and it makes ur lashes look unreal)

blush (personally favorite part of makeup): depends on what ur going for, i usually use liquid blush and powder to set. for liquid i use rare beauty’s (only need a little teeny dot). i also know milani’s cheek kiss is works well. for powder i use anastasia’s blush trio and milani’s powder blush

also all of elf products are really good so u can’t go wrong there !!

i’d also recommend watching a couple youtube tutorials if u want, there’s no shame in learning at your own pace ! (oh and also i would practice when ur not rushing to go any where so there’s no pressure and u have more room to experiment) ur going to look beautiful either way!!!!!

[robo-dino-puppies]

eyyyy look who tried to do some modding in veilguard :D

I love that Rook gets to wear this coat with the feathers but I hated the leather high-collared studded whatever-the-hell shirt thing that was going on underneath. so I tried to swap it with the "civilian" version but keep the feathers :D

the coat and pants clip like hell on my shortass elf, but still! (actually I checked and it clips on the civilians who wear it too... so that's not a me problem lmao)

anyway to elaborate: initially I tried to edit the textures to get rid of the weird shirt thing BUT the chevron stitched pieces are part of the model (BOOOOO) so despite changing their color/texture I couldn't get rid of them entirely. then I saw that swapping armor/character parts was a thing? …that I don't really understand, honestly, but there's a tutorial and I can follow steps. anyway, some civilians in Treviso wear the same coat with this low-cut shirt underneath except no feathers, and I wanted that BUT WITH THE FEATHERS. so. I did it! YAY GO ME!!! not super thrilled with the pants but I like the civilians' boots better too.

here was my initial check to see what it did to npcs that share the outfit:

and checking the color-changed version next to a civilian npc

coat and feather colors achieved! now to do the shirt and pants.

to elaborate more: so in the Rook and Ivenci versions, there are three meshes (? correct term idk?) that combine to make the whole ensemble: feathers, coat, and undershirt-belt-arms-pants-boots. can't just make the undershirt invisible bc there's no torso under there lol and it would also get rid of the arms and legs. in the civilian outfit there are two meshes: coat-and-belt and undershirt-torso-arms-pants-boots.

but like. they're basically the same? so I thought I should just be able to leave the feathers in place and replace the coat and undershirt! which worked! (after uhhhhhh several fails. yes I can follow a tutorial; that doesn't mean I can follow it on the first try because using the frosty editor feels approximately like me walking blindfolded through a convenience store knocking things off shelves. or something. idk what the hell I'm doing lol)

I hate wearing the same outfit as Ivenci tho. seriously considering putting Ivenci in something else and giving the random civilian npcs Ivenci's fit lmao. or just dress the civilians in some other civilian outfit? I wonder if I can do that...

[anghraine]

I am the other person that still loves the 90s might and magic games

They were so good!!

I'm not sure I am even capable of feeling more nostalgic about any piece of media than Might and Magic VII specifically (1999 so technically a 90s M&M game :D). It's one of the first RPGs that I personally mastered rather than simply watching my parents play it and eventually figuring it out; my mother and I used to play it at the same computer, with her playing our thief and wizard, and me the cleric and knight. And damn, it had so many fantastic elements:

an absolutely massive variety of potential armors to wear that often looked comically terrible together

potion experiments that you can theoretically figure out/learn (but you might die in the process!!)

ARCOMAGE

really cool class progression tied in with skills - I still really like the mechanic where e.g. your cleric has to become a full priest in order to master spirit magic

I always really liked how in-game pricing is affected by your general reputation in a specific region AND a specific character's Personality stat AND having the merchant skill to a certain numerical rank AND specifically upgrading your merchant skill to a higher tier...

one of my favorite cheats in the late game: get your high-level wizard's Water Magic to grandmaster. Get the high-level priest's Merchant to grandmaster as well. Use the priest to buy good quality non-magical goods at their exact value. Give the purchases to the wizard and cast "Enchant Item" at grandmaster level. Give your enchanted items back to the priest to sell at full value as magic items. PROFIT.

Queen Catherine, always my fave! I don't think I ever sided with Avlee, honestly, she's just so much cooler than the elf king.

your castle starting out as a trash heap and getting fancier and fancier as your prestige grows and you make friends and influence people

the barrow downs catacombs maze is one of the first gaming puzzles I ever personally solved. Everyone else in my family was baffled and I put together the trick to navigate them and get to the meditation spot.

the choice! I was using to very railroad-y games and actually being able to make a decision that changes the plot is so cool. I did try to choose the path of evil once, but I just can't, lol.

those special magic ore houses in Erathia? I loved that.

tracking down the teachers for every single skill at every single level and figuring out where they live and how to get there etc - it really does feel like an accomplishment (especially Nighon, good lord).

If the tutorial was skippable I'd probably have a zillion hours still logged on it, honestly.

[sweetearthandnorthernsky]

morinel for the alternate intros :D

morinel my beloved!

okay so most realistic is a variation on the helf intro, but i’m going to make it ✨different✨ because i can and also i feel like being mean.

so, you get a black screen, and the white text with: eregion, midwinter, 1697.

(listen—)

your character is in the Army that gil-galad ended up sending to help out, (not the one that is helped by numenor, just the elves of lindon, that hide in imladris) which ended up coming too late (but no one knows that yet).

the army is probably not *super* close to caras gelebren/ost-in-edhil, but close enough to see it burning in the distance.

the intro probably starts with you talking to A Friend before A Messenger tells you ‘hey, congrats, you got picked to go on this scouting mission, now go find morinel.’

when you find her, you note that she looks exhausted, like she hasn’t slept in several days probably but then neither have half the people in charge.

she tells you that she’s leading a little group to scope out the area before the whole rest of the army moves in, and she could use someone of your skill set. (+ bonus/special dialogue for champs&rks, probably)

she has you take a couple messages to a couple different people to Co-ordinate things probably (ft maybe elf politics) and to rest afterward. either the next day or several hours later, after you rest, it’s Time and you assemble at morinel’s lil tent.

you’re the first one there, which results in the the little combat tutorial. the dialogue is probably something to the effect of: hey, new person, you look nervous. want to deal with it by sparring?

once morinel is satisfied that you’re doing fine enough, she’s like. this is not going to be easy. it’s gonna suck. but we have to. slowly, the other people going with y’all filter in, and it’s time to head out.

a bit of a skip, you’re sorted into pairs, and, naturally, you’re paired with morinel and she tells you that the two of you have to be Real Careful ™ because eventually you’ll be going as close to the gates as you guys can.

you kill 0/8 orcs, and click the highlighted spots that are various “this path is not well guarded” “this area has lots of sentries” etc etc. yall end up getting REAL close to the gates.

then, ++++dread and morinel is like aw FUCK, and is like move/hide literally now or we’re SO doomed. (the two of you hide in a bush? in a tree? who knows, i don’t remember the hiding mechanics in game atm)

but just as you get out of sight—

BOOM!

the big gates open, and Mátshakha is striding out down the path (you don’t know this till much later, but she is very much on thin fucking ice with sauron rn). a bunch of orcs and high ranking banner guards following and you’re like oh okay. why were the refugees so—

and then there’s the banner :) made out of a whole elf :) which adds a lot more dread and then morinel is like we have to go NOW because we won’t be able to get out if we stay.

morinel debriefs you a bit, and you notice she’s real shaken but you don’t have much time to think about it.

this could cross fade to the present and end there and dump you out with bregolleth in swanfleet maybe OR segue into the Main Helf Intro in mordor, where morinel is either fulfilling a harthalín type role or just one of the npcs hanging out at the front of the alliance like cirdan, with maybe a quick little line of dialogue.

also. i am. unsure how much this actually follows the game lore of the fall of eregion/ost-in-edhil vs my own vs silm/HoME but. tis whatever. :)