"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins—but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars."
- MATTHEW STOVER, ROTS NOVEL
(r)
• youth by daughter
"my eyes are damp from the words you left,
ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,
ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,
and if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,
'cause most of us are bitter over someone,
setting fire to our insides for fun,
to distract our hearts from ever missing them,
but i'm forever missing him."
• home by catie turner
"feelings were fleeting, but now i'm surrounded,
visions of you shaved into the side of my head,
and as i sleep on the other side of the country,
i wonder how it feels to be safe in the palm of your hand,
and i just want to go home."
• broken by anson seabra
"if you see the boy i used to be,
could you tell him that i'd like to find him?
and if you see the shell that's left of me,
could you spare him a little kindness?"
"am i broken? am i flawed?
do i deserve a shred of worth,
or am i just another fake,
fucked up lost cause?
and am i human? or am i something else?
'cause i'm so scared and there's no one there,
to save me from the nightmare,
that i call myself."
• runaway by aurora
"i was painting a picture,
the picture was a painting of you,
and for a moment i thought you were here,
but then again, it wasn't true, dah,
and all this time i have been lyin',
oh, lyin' in secret to myself,
i've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf."
• overwhelmed by royal & and the serpent
"i get overwhelmed so easily,
my anxiety keeps me silent,
when i try to speak,
what's come over me?
feels like i'm somebody else,
i get overwhelmed."
(joel to r)
• leave a light on by tom walker
"and i know you're down and out now, but i need you to be brave,
hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay,
i see your pain."
• it'll be alright by cody francis
"oh, my child i know,
you're hurt and you can't let go,
it's not your fault and you don't deserve,
all the bad and the hurt."
• half light by banners
"it makes me feel nervous,
you have that look in your eye,
oh, what takes over?
what is it that holds you tight?"
"when you're in the half light,
it is not you i see,
and you live a half life,
you only show half to me."
(joel & r)
• daylight by david kushner
"two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer,
souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt,
(oooh),
there's darkness in the distance,
from the way that i've been livin',
but i know i can't resist it,
oh, i love it and i hate it at the same time,
you and i drink the poison from the same vine."
HOWL I LOVE YOU!!!! your song recs are actually my favourite things EVER. i can’t even express how much i love these. so so amazing. edit: howl. after going through all of these….. you have outdone yourself. you are amazing.
also yes this whole thing is just going to be me sobbing and crying and making myself sad about how much i made r suffer. WHAT OF IT. leave me to ramble!
ALSO ALSO heheh he this gif is so good. giggling. gonna watch that film JUST for this moment BAHAHAH
youth — sobbing. this song is just … emotional. its so good. and i think it’s just so :( poor r she’s going through it. “i’m forever missing him” is just so so real for this fic. bc she really just … can’t not think about her dad :( also the lyrics “shadows settle on the place that you left / our minds are troubled by the emptiness” is so r and joel coded. they are both suffering sm OOPS
home — i know this is going to be a common word here but.. sobbing. once again. this song is so :( AND ITS NEW TO ME!! i like hearing new songs and i trust in you and you specifically howl. ANYWAY. also the “so when are you coming home” is so …….. heartbreaking. gut wrenching. R’S DAD ISNT COMING HOME. and she knows it. and the exact lyrics you said like the sleeping on the other side of the country …….. bc her dad never made it there with her … it just makes me so sad.
broken — AAAAAHHHHH. (this is me violently sobbing and crying). and and and. i really like “please, wont someone take me home / before i lose my mind?” BUT SHE CANT GO HOME. and she really does feel like she’s losing it but like … she can’t bring herself to care. AND THOSE LAST LYRICS YOU SAID???? reader my beloved joel will be there soon :( also,,, that is exactly how joel felt and he just didnt want r to be stuck in that mindset yk, to be alone, to have nobody to pull her out of that nightmare yk
runaway — (i accidentally deleted this one…. i-) anyways AS I WAS SAYING. I LOVE THIS SONG. and in relation to this????? what if i cry, specifically, “and for a moment i thought you were here” is so so so. like you know those moments after losing someone and then like. you forget, even if its just for a moment, and then you remember and its just the worst all over again??? yeah, i know that. and yes i will be applying that to r. soz. r suffers with me. and and and “but no, take me home / take me home where i belong / i got no other place to go” like r just wants to be back home with her dad. she’s so sad. UGH. yeah. this song <3
overwhelmed — omg i’ve never actually heard the full song before now :0. anyway. also. this is so r on the journey to bill and frank’s like … before she just … fades. its mfing debilitating dude. also yes bc every time she gets .. overwhelmed, r fr does struggle to hold on to herself
leave a light on — JOEL TO R CODED YOURE SO RIGHT. “i see your pain” has me sobbing and crying because :( I KNOW I PUT A BIT OF A SPIN ON JOEL’S GRIEF AFTER SARAH but tbf we dont see it in the show or anything yk??? like we KNOW he did some … bad things, but lets be real. he didnt deal with it at all. he just fell into darker habits. and i just think him knowing exactly what r is going through, even though it will be different, he still KNOWS. and he can recognise it. and joel just makes me so sad. “but i need you to be brave” sobbing so hard. yes i will relate every song lyric to joel miller/my own fics. what about it. as we should. joel of all people KNOWS how much courage it takes to NOT fall into that headspace. my babies
it’ll be alright — howl ive never heard this song before and i……. im not ok. what the hell. this is so joel miller coded. yes he would relate this to ellie as well canonically. but r…….. its so much worse. joel KNOWS about the bad and the hurt. and joel KNOWS that out of all the people who deserve it .. r is not one of them. AND AND AND “how much longer will you suffer in this life? / but dont give up, just hold on tight / it’ll be alright” what if i sob and cry. joel just wants to reassure r man. these poor tortured souls. maybe one day ill write a happy fic (doubtful)
half light — yes on each and every level. THIS ONE IS SO PERFECT. “it makes me feel nervous / you have that look in your eye” bc joel recognises it :( joel KNOWSSSS. he knows. he’s all knowing. he knows exactly what that look means. he’s seen it in his own eyes. “it is not you i see / and you live a half life” OH WHAT JOEL WOULD DO TO TAKE AWAY ALL OF R’S PAIN. to make her ok and whole and happy. he wishes he could fix it. but he knows he can’t :( nothing can fix that pain, after all, he would know. im losing my mind rn
daylight — THIS ONE FITS SO WELL TOO. idk how you ALWAYS do this. how do you never miss???? “souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt” ??????????????????????? no because joel and r literally are mirrors of each other. they both feel the exact same guilt. and they always will. and the pride that they BOTH have in trying to handle it all alone. like yes r accepts joel and tess’s help (not that they really give her a choice) but she doesn’t WANT to connect, she doesn’t want to talk about it. and i imagine joel to have been the exact same way, only going on for tommy, and yes eventually tess, though u can imagine how long he spent refusing to admit even to himself it was bc he cared about her SMH. ‘business/survival’ is what he woulda told tommy about looking out for her. “you and i drink the poison from the same vine” hmmmm yes they really do. they r one and the same. they’ll self destruct till there’s nothing left tbh. and and and “tellin’ myself its the last time / can you spare any mercy that you might find” is joel coded and no i needn’t say more.
anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
Jaiden: Oh my goodness– WHOA! Whoa– wait– you can't– who's– Well who's this, Bobby? Who's this??? You can't have other Eggs on– you can't have Eggs in- in your– [Bobby breaks the bed] Oh!
Roier: [Laughs] No Bobby, who is that?
Jaiden: Bobby has a girlfriend already? You can't sleep in the same bed as this other Egg!
Roier: Bobby, is this your girlfriend? [Laughs]
A small misunderstanding during the first day of the QSMP Egg event.
[ Full Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
—
Roier: A... a bed. No?
Jaiden: Oh, do we? Does– do you want a bed or do you want a little nest, maybe...?
Roier: Do you want a bed, do you want–
[Bobby places a bed down, which has his Egg model in it already]
Roier: [Laughs in surprise] What? WHAT!
Jaiden: Oh my goodness– WHOA! Whoa– wait– you can't– who's– Well who's this, Bobby? Who's this???
Roier: No, who is this?
Jaiden: You can't have other Eggs on– you can't have Eggs in- in your– [Bobby breaks the bed] Oh!
Roier: [Laughs] No Bobby, who is that?
Jaiden: Bobby has a girlfriend already? You can't sleep in the same bed as this other Egg!
Roier: Bobby, is this your girlfriend? [Laughs]
[Bobby wiggles]
Jaiden: Twins? No wait– no twins, not twins! Girlfriend...?
Roier: Bobby, you're not old enough to have a girlfriend, Bobby. You're too little! No! [Chuckles] He can't have a girlfriend, he's too young.
Jaiden: I don't think– [Laughs] I don't think we were ready for– for this already! Already Bobby having girls over...
no one would notice if i ever vanished // if bodies could sustain // this never-ending army // like blood pumping through a vein
(click for better resolution!)
:OOO hello. anyway since these are all posters i'd have in an ideal world or smth and i'd like to store the high res versions somewhere,,, here's the google drive folder for them? hehe ''
Continuing the yassification of fallout 4 characters agenda, Hancock is going full pirate mode with his fit <3
You can see the previous one with X6-88 here
The thing about Forever and Bad is that they don't know how to deescalate, and they start at 100 straight from 0 every time with each other. They will spend hours arguing about semantics that don't matter. They will go to the extreme ends of pranks (which as fun as the audio remixes were, spending hours trying to find the source was literal hell genuine psychological torment). They will go for the throat just to antagonize the other.
So no, I don't think Forever knows a thing about Dapper or the other eggs whereabouts. He just knows better about the way Bad operates, the way he lies and deflects. He's familiar with his crafty words and how he turns a conversation on its head. He knows that what Bad is being accused of is entirely likely, that he is not who he usually is when the eggs are around. And he knows that Dapper, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is who Bad cares for most of all.
This isn't something he can argue hours about, to chip away little by little like he usually does. For both the safety of the worker, because the longer they're locked up surely the worse off they'll be - and for the safety of Bad, who if he wasn't under extreme watch by the Federation, he certainly is now, after Tubbo very loudly accused him in his Federation office.
He goes for the throat, immediately playing a trump card that he knows Bad won't just brush off or ignore, because as much as Bad can be unpredictable, Forever knows that Bad cares about the eggs as much as he does. As questionable as his morals are, as slippery as he can be to pin down, Bad has always placed the eggs as the highest priority - and he needs Bad to have no choice but to be honest, or to knock him off guard enough that he'll give him something to work with.
Is it fair? Maybe not. But when has Bad ever played fair with him?