#hire a compliance officer

[regulatoryrisks]

Key Trends and Opportunities in Compliance Jobs and Services

Explore 2024 compliance trends, key job roles, and services. Learn about compliance consultants and hiring benefits through freelance platforms like Regulatory Risks. Go here https://blogdrive.net/read-blog/34712_key-trends-and-opportunities-in-compliance-jobs-and-services.html

[conselium]

Demystifying OFCCP Job Posting Requirements: Key Considerations for Hiring Managers

Original Source: https://compliance-hiring.blogspot.com/2023/07/demystifying-ofccp-job-posting.html

Demystifying OFCCP Job Posting Requirements: Key Considerations for Hiring Managers by Conselium Complia is an informative article that aims to shed light on the intricacies of complying with the Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs (OFCCP) job posting requirements. As a hiring manager, understanding and adhering to these regulations is crucial for ensuring equal employment opportunities and avoiding legal consequences. This article will provide an overview of OFCCP, explain the basics of job posting requirements, and dive into key considerations that can help hiring managers create unique and informative job postings while achieving compliance. By implementing effective strategies, leveraging technology, and following best practices, hiring managers can enhance their recruitment process and contribute to a diverse and inclusive workforce.

1. Introduction to OFCCP Job Posting Requirements 

 1.1 What is OFCCP? 

The Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs, or OFCCP for short, is the government agency tasked with enforcing equal employment opportunity and affirmative action regulations for federal contractors and subcontractors. If your company falls into one of these categories, it's important to understand the job posting requirements set forth by the OFCCP.

 1.2 Overview of Job Posting Requirements 

When it comes to job postings, the OFCCP has specific guidelines in place to promote equal opportunity. These requirements are designed to ensure that job opportunities are made available to all individuals, regardless of their race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or status as a protected veteran.

2. Understanding the Basics: What Hiring Managers Need to Know 

2.1 Importance of OFCCP Compliance 

Complying with OFCCP job posting requirements is not just about ticking boxes on a checklist. It's about fostering a diverse and inclusive workplace where every individual has an equal chance to succeed. By adhering to these guidelines, hiring managers play a crucial role in promoting fairness and equality in the hiring process.

 2.2 Legal Obligations for Hiring Managers 

As a hiring manager, it's essential to be aware of your legal obligations under OFCCP regulations. This includes understanding the specific requirements for job postings, such as providing information about equal employment opportunity and including affirmative action language in your postings.

 2.3 Consequences of Non-Compliance 

Non-compliance with OFCCP job posting requirements can have serious consequences for your company. Not only can it lead to legal repercussions, such as audits and fines, but it can also damage your employer brand and reputation. By staying informed and following the rules, hiring managers can avoid these potential pitfalls.

3. Key Considerations for Complying with OFCCP Job Posting Requirements 

3.1 Defining Targeted Outreach 

To comply with OFCCP requirements, it's crucial to engage in targeted outreach initiatives. This means actively seeking out diverse candidates through various channels to ensure a wide pool of applicants. Utilizing job boards, attending diversity job fairs, and partnering with community organizations are just a few examples of effective outreach strategies.

3.2 Affirmative Action Requirements 

Affirmative action is a key component of OFCCP regulations. As a hiring manager, it's important to understand the specific affirmative action requirements set forth by the OFCCP. These requirements may include setting goals for the employment of underrepresented groups, implementing outreach efforts, and monitoring progress towards achieving diversity and inclusion objectives.

3.3 Developing an Internal Compliance Strategy 

To ensure compliance with OFCCP job posting requirements, it's essential for hiring managers to develop a robust internal compliance strategy. This may involve creating standardized job posting templates that include the necessary language, training recruiters on OFCCP guidelines, and implementing regular audits to ensure ongoing compliance.

4. Strategies for Creating Unique and Informative Job Postings 

4.1 Crafting Job Descriptions to Attract Diverse Candidates 

Creating job descriptions that resonate with a diverse candidate pool is key. Avoid using jargon or overly technical language that may discourage potential applicants. Instead, focus on highlighting the skills and qualifications necessary for success in the role, while being mindful of inclusive language and promoting a welcoming and inclusive work environment.

 4.2 Incorporating Inclusive Language 

Inclusive language is vital in attracting diverse candidates. Avoid using gender-specific pronouns or unnecessary gendered terms. Instead, opt for gender-neutral language and use terms like "they" instead of "he" or "she." Additionally, ensure that your job postings reflect a commitment to equal opportunity and inclusivity.

 4.3 Highlighting Equal Opportunity Employer Statement 

Including an equal opportunity employer statement in your job postings is important for OFCCP compliance. This statement reinforces your commitment to fair and impartial hiring practices and encourages individuals from all backgrounds to apply. Make sure to prominently display this statement in your job postings to signal your dedication to diversity and equality.

Remember, complying with OFCCP job posting requirements is not only a legal obligation but also an opportunity to create a more inclusive workplace. By understanding the basics, considering key factors, and creating unique and informative job postings, hiring managers can play an active role in promoting diversity, equality, and fairness.

5. Leveraging Technology and Tools to Enhance Compliance Efforts

5.1 Utilizing Applicant Tracking Systems 

When it comes to complying with OFCCP job posting requirements, technology is your best friend. Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) can help you streamline your hiring process and ensure compliance every step of the way. These systems allow you to track and manage job postings, applicant data, and hiring records effortlessly. By using an ATS, you can easily generate the necessary reports and documentation needed for OFCCP audits.

 5.2 Online Job Boards and Diversity Platforms 

To reach a diverse pool of candidates and stay in compliance with OFCCP regulations, online job boards and diversity platforms are invaluable resources. These platforms not only expand your reach but also help you promote your commitment to diversity and inclusion. By using these tools, you can attract a wider range of candidates and demonstrate your compliance efforts to the OFCCP.

5.3 Data Analytics for Monitoring Compliance

Data analytics can be a game-changer when it comes to monitoring your compliance efforts. By leveraging analytics tools, you can track various metrics related to your job postings, such as the number of applicants, diversity statistics, and time-to-fill positions. These insights will allow you to identify any potential compliance gaps and make data-driven decisions to improve your hiring process.

6. Best Practices for Ensuring Consistency in Job Posting Compliance

 6.1 Establishing Standardized Processes 

Consistency is key when it comes to OFCCP job posting requirements. Establishing standardized processes across your organization ensures that everyone follows the same compliance protocols. This includes job description templates, job posting guidelines, and record-keeping procedures. By creating a clear and uniform approach, you minimize the risk of non-compliance and provide a level playing field for all applicants.

 6.2 Training and Education for Hiring Managers 

Hiring managers play a significant role in ensuring job posting compliance. Providing them with proper training and education on OFCCP requirements will equip them with the knowledge they need to navigate the complexities of compliance. Make sure your hiring managers understand the importance of equal opportunity and are aware of the specific guidelines they need to follow when posting job openings.

 6.3 Regular Auditing and Documentation 

Regular auditing and documentation are essential for maintaining compliance with OFCCP job posting requirements. Conducting internal audits allows you to assess your processes, identify any areas of concern, and make necessary improvements. Keep detailed records of all job postings, applicant data, and hiring decisions as these will be crucial in case of an OFCCP audit. The key is to be proactive and ensure that your documentation is up-to-date and easily accessible.

7. Monitoring and Reporting: Staying on Top of OFCCP Job Posting Requirements 

7.1 Tracking Job Posting Metrics

Tracking job posting metrics is vital for measuring your compliance efforts and identifying any potential issues. Keep an eye on metrics like the number of job postings, applicant demographics, and the success rate of diverse candidates in the hiring process. This data will help you fine-tune your job posting strategies and make necessary adjustments to enhance your compliance efforts.

7.2 Record-Keeping for Audit Purposes

The OFCCP requires meticulous record-keeping to demonstrate compliance. Make sure you maintain thorough and accurate records of all job postings, applicant data, and hiring decisions. Keep track of the duration that job postings are active, the outreach efforts made, and any accommodations provided during the hiring process. These records will be crucial in case of an OFCCP audit.

7.3 Reporting to OFCCP as Required

In addition to maintaining records, certain employers are required to submit annual reports to the OFCCP. Ensure that you are aware of your reporting obligations and submit the necessary documentation on time. By staying on top of reporting requirements, you demonstrate your commitment to compliance and avoid potential penalties.

8. Conclusion: Elevating Your Hiring Process through Effective OFCCP Compliance

Effective OFCCP compliance goes beyond meeting legal requirements; it's about creating a fair and inclusive hiring process. By leveraging technology and tools, establishing standardized processes, and staying on top of monitoring and reporting, you can elevate your Compliance Hiring to new heights. Embracing OFCCP job posting requirements not only safeguards your organization from legal risks but also fosters a diverse and talented workforce. So, let's comply while we conquer! In conclusion, demystifying OFCCP job posting requirements is essential for hiring managers to navigate the complex landscape of compliance. By understanding the basics, considering key factors, and employing effective strategies, hiring managers can not only meet the OFCCP requirements but also attract diverse talent and contribute to an inclusive workplace environment. By staying vigilant, leveraging technology, and implementing best practices, hiring managers can elevate their hiring process and ensure equal opportunities for all candidates. Compliance with OFCCP job posting requirements goes beyond legal obligations; it is an opportunity to create a more equitable and thriving workforce.

[goteamphilippines]

Job Hiring: Internal Compliance Officer Looking for an exciting career in compliance? Join us as our Internal Compliance Officer and work with our US-based real estate client! We're seeking someone with at least 3 years of experience in compliance and strong knowledge of regulatory requirements and industry standards.

This role offers a flexible remote work setup with a salary of up to 45K and family-friendly benefits with GoTeam. Don't miss out on this opportunity to grow your career and make a positive impact.

[seychellse]

feel so bad applying to other jobs knowing how understaffed we are here omg. But you know needs must or whatever

[foone]

So there was this psychologist who invented a type of blood pressure test, and while testing it on his wife, he noticed her blood pressure seemed to be elevated when she was angry or excited. This fact lead to a California police officer named John Augustus Larson to develop the polygraph, aka "lie detector", by combining the blood pressure test with several other measurements in an attempt to determine if the subject is lying.

This has lead the psychologist to be known as the father of the polygraph, even though he didn't directly invent it. He definitely tried to commercialize it, though including appearing in a series of ads for Gillette Razors, using the lie detector as a theme.

A few years after the invention of the polygraph, he published a book titled "Emotions of Normal People", heavily based on the original research of his life partner (as he and his wife were in a polyamorous relationship, living together for many years (including 50 years after his death!) and having two of his children). In it, he provided a defense of many sexual taboos. In it, he developed the DISC theory: dominance, inducement, submission, and compliance. He assigned active and passive to emotions and behaviors, and environments as antagonistic and favorable, and theorized how these different attitudes and environments interacted. For example, "Submission produces passivity in a favorable environment".

This was pretty much exactly as BDSMy as it sounds, with him also having theories about how the masculine drive for freedom was inherently violent, whereas women could use their "loving allure" to lead people to an ideal state of submission to loving authority.

Anyway in 1940 he was interviewed by his life partner under a pseudonym, and said that there was great potential for education in the medium of comic books. This interview got read by Max Gaines, a comics books publisher, who co-founded All-American Publications (one of the companies that later merged with National Comics Publications to form DC Comics). The psychologist was hired on as an educational consultant.

After a conversation with his wife about creating a new super hero based on fighting with love instead of fists, he took the idea to Max Gaines and was given approval to create a comic under this idea. His wife's main contribution was the idea that the hero should be a woman.

In any case, the polyamorous psychologist with a bondage kink who had formerly helped invent the lie detector went on to develop his super hero comic based on all these influences. So in 1941, under the pseudonym of Charles Moulton (combining his name of William Moulton Marston with Max Gaines' middlename), the first issue of Wonder Woman was published under the Sensation Comics line:

[swisccfinds]

50 ONE LEVEL CAREERS: Storytelling careers megapack by isy's the snake

Here is yet another career mod pack, but this one has no promotions, you just work and your job level stays at 1. As the title say this mod is best for story telling!

creator's notes-

This mod requires XML Injector by Scumbumbo. You can find it here. Pay attention if you don't already have it for another mod! In that case, you do not need to re-install it. Be sure it is updated for the last patch.

XML Injector is a mod required for some mods to work. So, you install it as any other mod in your Mods folder, no more than one subfolder deep.

This mod has been updated for the version 1.99.305 of the game (second update after Horse Ranch).

It doesn't required any DLC to work. Base game compatible

I've adopted this mod from the amazing ItsKatato who, due to her hiring at EA, couldn't continue to mod. I have made some changes: • I have changes all the pics of the careers — now they all show Sims (please check the credits paragraph at the end to see who was the amazing raccoon who helped me); • I have updated the mod for the Horse Ranch patch; • I have cleared ALL the tuning errors; • Fixed the description of some careers who appeared to be missing.

Now, here we go with the explanation of the mod (originally written by ItsKatato, edited by me):

Katato said: "Have you ever had a story planned out for your sims but you can't find the perfect career for them? Most of the time when I find the career it ends up being a complicated career with a bunch of promotion tasks and extra stuff. Well, I've made a pack of a bunch of single-level careers. All your sim has to do is go to work, that's it. This is perfect for the non-important sims in your life, like the forgotten children of your legacy challenge." In short: those are 50 careers you can use for NPCs Sims or random Sims you do not want to care about. As Amethyst said: "Go to work, make money, leave me alone". Your Sims won't need any task to perform to upgrade and get a promotion, as well as they do not really need an ideal mood to go to work since it won't change their performance. They just go and do their job. And now the list of all careers:

1. Anesthetiologist 2. Cartographer 3. Chiropractor 4. Compliance Officer 5. Data Scientist 6. Dental Hygienist 7. Dentist 8. Diagnostic Medical Sonographer 9. Financial Advisor 10. Financial Manager 11. Genereal Surgeon 12. Genetic Counselor 13. Home Health Aide 14. Information Security Analyst 15. IT Manager 16. Interpreter And Translator 17. Lawyer 18. Marriage And Family Therapist 19. Massage Therapist 20. Mathematician 21. Mechanical Engineer 22. Medical And Health Services Manager 23. Nurse Anesthetist 24. Nurse Practitioner 25. Obstetrician And Gynecologist 26. Occupational Therapist 27. Operations Reasearch Analyst 28. Optometrist 29. Oral And Maxillofacial Surgeon 30. Orthodontist 31. Orthotist And Prosthetist 32. Paralegal 33. Pediatrician 34. Personal Care Aide 35. Phlebotomist 36. Physical Therapist 37. Physical Therapist Assistant 38. Physician 39. Physician Assistant 40. Pilot 41. Podiatrist 42. Prosthodontist 43. Psychiatrist 44. Registered Nurse 45. Respiratory Therapist 46. Software Developer 47. Speech-Language Pathologist 48. Statician 49. Substance Abuse And Behavioral Disorder Counselor 50. Veterinarian 51. Web Developer 52. Wind Turbine Technician 

lets give some of our love and support to isy!

download

[buckybarnesb-tch]

PLEASE i need more mafia yandere klaus!! Or even elijah!

Mafia!Elijah Yandere NSFW

A stands for AFFECTION: how would they show affection?

•Elijah, like all Mikaelsons, is very much a gift giver

•He loves to see you in all of the latest fashions, he’s always dressed to the nines so he believes his Queen should be too

•You we’re quite confused how he knew your sizes when he sent you a dress to wear before your first date but you brushed it off

•Once you live with him you have the biggest closet in the entire house, as well as an extra closet just for your shoes

B stands for BLOODY: how bloody are they willing to get for their object of obsession?

•Elijah doesn’t need to get bloody, even when their business was growing before they began hiring men to do their dirty work it was always Kol and Klaus who did it, Elijah was much more the face of the company dressed in Armani and Hugo Boss, the one on the covers of magazines and doing interviews for the company press

•If Elijah is getting bloody it is only because someone took it upon themselves to hurt either his family or his Queen, in any case he is happy to take his time and make them suffer, however he is never willing to allow you to see him in such a way so he ensures he cleans up before he comes home

C stands for CRUELTY: would they ever hurt their object of obsession?

•Elijah’s rage, while very real, isn’t quite as present as his brothers, he learned to control himself a long time ago and he doesn’t allow for bursts of aggression, especially not around you

•Physically he would never harm you, however he makes you very aware of how easily it would be to harm your family, the family you haven’t seen since you ‘moved in’ with him and that usually keeps you under control

D stands for DARLING: would they cross their object of obsession’s limits?

•You and Elijah had a wonderful relationship, he had you under his control from the first date and you didn’t even know it

•He didn’t cross any kind of limit until 5 months into the relationship when you found out that you were pregnant (unless you call switching out your birth control a limit, then yes, he did)

•You found yourself moved into his home later that evening as he told you he couldn’t risk you or his child’s lives if he couldn’t be with you all the time, and while that was true, he mostly just didn’t want to risk you running away after seeing how incredibly possessive he became, the change on his face the moment you told him he needed to ‘take you to the clinic’ was terrifying

•You had assumed of course that this man, the most eligible man in New Orleans as he had been voted consistently for 5 years straight, would not want to ruin what he had for a women he had been with for not even half a year becoming pregnant with his child…you were wrong

•He could no longer risk you being on your own since you had even considered getting rid of his baby, you moved in whether you liked it or not and you found he had been planning for it for a long time

E stands for EXPOSED: how much do they expose their own feelings to their object of obsession?

•Elijah makes it very clear how he feels for you after only a few dates and you are blown away by his dedication

•You assume a man who basically lives at the office doesn’t get the chance to date and fall in love every day so you take it in stride and try to be as understanding as possible, he enjoys how loving and sweet you are, never once making him feel bad for any kind of emotion or memory he talks to you about which only makes him more dependent on you in his life and more willing to share his thoughts and feelings

F stands for FIGHT: how would they react to their object of obsession fighting back?

•While he finds your attempts at escape slightly humorous that you believe you could get away, it is also extremely annoying

•He is patient but his go to method to compliance is tying you to the bed and making sure you need everything done for you until you’re desperate to get up, usually resulting in you behaving so that you can move as you begin to go stir-crazy

G stands for GAME: do they think this is just a game?

•This is not a game

•This is Elijah’s family, and everyone knows how seriously he takes that. You are his Queen, carrying his son in your body, he will never let any harm come to you as long as he is breathing

H stands for HELL: what would be their object of obsession’s worst experience with them?

•Your worst experience with Elijah was probably the moment you were forced to move into his home

•The look on his face terrified you and you tried to calm him down and get away but he had ahold of you the second you turned around, carrying you to your room and sitting you down as he packed your bags with everything you needed to keep, asking you about a few things he was unsure of but not talking beyond that

•On the drive to his home he was on the phone with your landlord buying you out of your lease and having someone come in and trash everything left in there that you ‘didn’t need’. It was truly scary how this man could turn your life upside down so quickly and everyone just went along with it doing as he said…at least he let you keep your sentimental things

I stands for IDEAL: what are their plans for their object of obsession?

•You are to be his Queen

•He proposes quickly after moving you in and you’re aware of the fact that you can’t really say ‘no’ wanting your child to have a father and as much as you hate to admit it at first, you know Elijah would be a wonderful father

•You’re married a few weeks later in a lovely ceremony in their backyard which is like getting married in a forest full of twinkle lights, he make it special with the help of his sister and both Klaus’ and Kol’s fiancées

J stands for JEALOUSY: how they react when jealous? Do they get jealous?

•Elijah only got jealous once

•He visited you at work one day and you had been contracted to photograph a few male models, it was a completely normal thing in big cities but Elijah didn’t like that answer, however he controlled himself

•He made sure, as you changed the lens on your camera, that the men knew they would never work again if they didn’t stop their flirting with you and though they weren’t the smartest men in the world, they were aware of how powerful and influential Elijah Mikaelson is

K stands for KINDNESS: how they act around their object of obsession?

•He is always well behaved and kind from the moment you walk into his office

•Elijah is a master at controlling himself no matter what he’s actually feeling or wanting, he makes you comfortable, makes you feel safe around him

•He always wants you to be happy and loved, Elijah is never unkind to you except for the moments you either try to escape or fight back too hard

L stands for LOVE LETTER: how would they approach their object of obsession?

•You we’re a photographer for one of the magazines that was doing a story on his families corporate company, sent to take pictures of him in his office for the article. He couldn’t help but think you looked like you belonged here as he had you sit behind his desk and teasingly took a few photos of you in the penthouse office with a backdrop of the skyline looking simply perfect

•It was the moment he knew he had to have you, your smile lit up his entire world, a world that had been dark for some time since he and his brothers murdered his father and took the company that Mikael was floundering with and even long before that, you were a shining beacon that he knew he could never lose

•He asked you out immediately, getting your number and taking you to dinner that night. You were blown away by how detail oriented he is, everything was always perfect and he made sure to impress you every single time you were together, Elijah owned your heart almost instantly

M stands for MASK: how different are their public persona from their true selves?

•Elijah is the face of the company but he presents himself mostly as he really is, he is controlled and thoughtful, intelligent and quick witted

•People see him as a bachelor and a billionaire and while his personality isn’t very different from what he presents, people would never expect the reality of the company that is run under the company (even if that’s mostly run by Klaus)

N stands for NAUGHTY: how would they punish their object of obsession?

•Elijah would never physically harm you, especially since you’re carrying his child however you did try to escape a few days after he moved you into his home. You had been forced to stay there with security to watch you while he went to work and you had tried to sneak out while the guards thought you were in the shower

•You got to the corner of the street before you were carried back (as carefully as possible, none of the men wanting to risk Elijah’s anger)

•You we’re tied to the bed and that is where you stayed for the next 2 days, your new fiancée (according to the ring on your finger) tending to your every need which he actually enjoyed, getting to take care of you in every way until you assured him he didn’t have to worry about you getting away again

•He tried to make you understand how many people in the world would happily hurt you and his baby just to get at him or his family and you understood his urgency, you didn’t want anything to happen to your child either so you tried to do as you were told knowing escaping the house was impossible anyway

O stands for OPPRESSION: how many rights would they take from their object of obsession?

•You wouldn’t be able to work anymore however Elijah was willing to take you anywhere you want to go to photograph whatever made you happy which you found was almost better in a way, no one telling you what to do anymore, just photographing anything and everything that made you happy

•You only left the house in his presence but he did try to take you out a few times a week, though the life you had was completely gone the moment you admitted pregnancy and if you thought about it, it was completely gone the second you sat down in his office chair

P stands for PATIENCE: how patient are they with their object of obsession?

•Elijah is an extremely patient man

•He can wait for months or even years to get what he wants, especially from you

•He tries very hard to give you time to get accustomed to your new life, he wanted to ensure you were settled into it when his son was born

Q stands for QUIT: if their object of obsession died or escaped, would they ever be able to move on?

•Died: The only way that could happen was from someone with a grudge against his family coming after you and he would ensure that person and everyone they ever loved was slaughtered in the streets, as well as the security that let you die. It would become his obsession at the cost of all else

•Escaped: If you ever got farther than the driveway and somehow no one noticed until Elijah got home, every single man on their payroll would be looking for you, all of their security and all of the men that Klaus and Kol employ too and considering the type of people that work for his brothers (his name can’t be associated with men like that) let’s just say you wouldn’t be gone for very long

R stands for REGRET: would they ever regret harming their object of obsession? Would they ever let them go?

•Elijah would Never let you go

•You are the mother of his son, and if everything goes according to his plans, you would be the mother of several more children than that

•Elijah was even trying to convince Niklaus and Kol to give his children cousins to play with around the same age in the house, he thought it would give not just his girl but their girls as well reason to never try and run again

S stands for STIGMA: what made their yandere tendencies bloom?

•The moment he met you he was obsessed

•However the true moment he really became Yandere was when he came to pick you up for dinner and you were in your pajamas, wrapped in a soft blanket and eating ice cream, showing him a pregnancy test

•That was the moment Elijah had been waiting for, expecting for the last few months and the moment he put his plan into action of taking you home and making you truly his

T stands for TEARS: how would they react to their object of obsession crying/breaking?

•Elijah doesn’t want a ‘broken’ Queen, he just wants you to give in to your love for him and your new little family

•Crying however, he is on the ball for that one, Elijah expected tears as a pregnant women and he was prepared with tissues, your favorite ice cream and your favorite movies which made you cry harder as this man you wanted to hate so badly knew you better than anyone else in your life

U stands for UNIQUE: something different they would do compared to others yanderes.

•Something different about Elijah was the fact that he wanted you pregnant immediately

•You two began having sex on your second date, which was also planned, as he cooked you dinner himself in his home after clearing his brothers and staff out to ‘woo you’

•He realized however that that night was a waste when you were perfectly happy not using a condom since you were on birth control, his plan had been to pop a hole in the condom but this would change his plans a bit

•He surprised you at home the very next day with flowers and a teddy bear, happily telling you how much he had enjoyed your night together and how he wished you could have stayed over instead of gone home and once again you enjoyed a night together. He made a mental note of the birth control in your bathroom, what brand and the packaging, counting how far into it you were and coming back 2 days later, replacing it with nothing but sugar pills in a new package, changing them out every time you refilled the script

•Honestly it took longer to get you pregnant than he expected but by the time you noticed you were carrying his child you were 8 weeks along, Elijah being thankful he had been giving you vitamins in the food he made you when he realized how far along you were

V stands for VICE: what weakness their object of obsession could use against them?

•You realize quite quickly that Elijah will do anything for you if it’s good for the baby

•You know you will never get away from him and of all people, Elijah will not be the one to lose sight of you in public, but you are able to go outside and enjoy not being cooped up constantly as you read the baby books Elijah had gotten and proved to him that pregnant women need fresh air and sunlight

•After that conversation you actually convinced the eldest Mikaelson to make you a sunroom. It was built in the back yard of the house shockingly quickly and it became your happy place and a place Elijah felt safe leaving you alone as there was only one exit. It was completely glass and had a few couches and plants all over with a bookshelf filled with the books on your list that you had made for him to get you and your husband even put some butterflies in there to make you smile

•He bought a bigger couch than the first one he put in there upon realizing you were going to nap in there and also filled it with some blankets and pillows when you proved to love being in there when it rained, inviting him to join you for a storm once so that he could understand the peace that came with it and it was truly lovely

•The outside building became a place not just for you but for Klaus and Kol’s wives too who you bonded with fairly quickly and whether you considered it trauma bonding or not it wouldn’t matter, they could lean on each other and speak freely in there together which is something they all sorely needed

W stands for WIT’S END: would they hurt their object of obsession?

•Elijah would never hurt his Queen

•He had never hurt you physically and he never would apart from the sore wrists you had from being tied to the bed with him waiting on you hand and foot which made him quickly switch to silk bindings

X stands for XOANON: would they worship their object of obsession?

•Elijah loves every inch of you, he worships the ground his Queen walks on from the moment you met

•It somehow becomes more intense when you find yourself pregnant and continues to be every time you are pregnant with one of his babies

Y stands for YEARN: how long would they pine after their object of obsession before they snap?

•He was switching your birth control on your second night together so fairly quickly though he doesn’t take you until you’re pregnant several months later

Z stands for ZENITH: would they ever break their object of obsession?

•You eventually do give in to what your husband wants, it is towards the end of your first pregnancy especially since you know there will be more pregnancies

•You love your son from the first moment you found out you were pregnant and you hated suggesting going to a clinic to get rid of him, something you later admit to your husband that you only did because you were afraid he would abandon you, pregnant and probably without a job if you pissed the powerful man off, Elijah felt very relieved by that admission and you knew it

•You love Elijah, you had loved him since your third date and you knew that wouldn’t just go away, especially as the father of your child and soon to be children, giving into him especially for your babies, wanting your eventual 3 sons and daughter to grow up in a functional family unlike the one you had grown up in

•You we’re determined that your children would grow up in a family full of love, surrounded by their siblings and cousins, loving aunts and uncles, and a mother and father who loved not just them but each other because that makes all the difference

Elijah Mikaelson Masterlist

[thelaundrybitch]

A New Beginning

TURTLE DOVES!!!

I found something in my drafts, and I decided to share it.

I wrote this FOREVER ago - So I'm unsure if I will continue with it.

@leosgirl82 was there when it happened. 😁😎🤩🫶🏽💃🏽

And @drowninghell made some fanart for it - Which I will be posting if it's alright with her 🥰😍💖

Tee hee

Anyways. It was something somewhere between "write what you know" and "wicked fucking self-indulgent."

Also

IT'S NINJA FUCKING TURTLES

SO

Without further ado...

I give you...

Some Cowabunga 💙❤️💜🧡

18+ content - for mature audiences only!

THESE ARE AGED-UP NINJA TURTLES. THEY ARE GROWN ASSED ADULTS. DON'T BE A <FILL IN THE BLANK>. 😘

Or at least that’s what I tell everyone.

My name is Liz, and I work for OSHA.

You see, after I graduated with an Associate’s in Science for Occupational and Environmental Safety Management, I was offered a job with FED OSHA - Occupational Safety and Health Administration through the federal government - The job of my dreams. So, you can imagine how ecstatic I was when they hired me. 

Everything was great for the first few months - until they brought me in on a top-secret project in New York. They told me they needed a Safety Technician who specialized in humanitarian issues and loved animals. Apparently, they thought I was their girl.

Weird, right?

So, they brought me to this gargantuan underground facility, where I was given my own office with all the latest and greatest technology and safety gadgets - even ones that hadn’t been put on the market yet; It was a fucking dream. One of those ‘too good to be true’ scenarios.

And indeed. It was too good to be true. 

They moved me to Manhattan to be closer to the facility because it was necessary for me to be on call 24/7 - which was totally fine because it was just me. 

And because they paid me WELL.

So, after a few months of puttering around, fixing compliance issues, they decided it was time for me to start in my REAL job position.

“Ms. Bueno, we will be bringing you in today, to help with the major issue we hired you for, initially.”

“Great! I can’t wait to get to work!” I said to the director.

“Good. I’ll be waiting in Section K22. Please meet me down there.”

“The high-security clearance sector?” I asked, a bit confused.

“Yes,” he replied.

I nodded, and he went to walk away but stopped at my office door. “ Oh, and Ms. Bueno?”

“Yes, sir?” I asked.

“Do make sure you use the restroom before you head down. Some of the things you see may be… Shocking,” he told me.

“Certainly, sir,” I said as he turned and left completely this time.

What the actual fuck are they doing down there. 

I met the director at the entrance to K22 - which turned out to be more secure than Fort Knox - and I was handed a white lab coat and some safety glasses by his security detail, which consisted of like seven huge dudes.

“Why are you guys all wearing bullet-proof vests, and I get this?” I asked, shaking the flimsy lab coat between my index finger and thumb.

“They seem to have a soft spot for females,” said ‘Bruce’, according to his name tag.

“Well, Bruce,” I said, unimpressed by his explanation, “OSHA clearly states that whatever PPE or other safety-related articles are donned by personnel going into an area of safety concern, those same articles need to be worn by EVERYONE that enters. Not just the men,” I stated, giving him my best OSHA inspector face. 

“She’s not wrong. Give her a vest for under her lab coat,” said the director.

That’s right. Fuck you, Bruce.

After all of my safety gear was on, they walked me down a long, brightly lit corridor that led to another door. This door could only be opened using iris recognition. 

“Ms. Bueno, what you are about to see, is one of the World’s most highly classified projects. If you tell anyone about this, you and said people will be eliminated.”

“Eliminated?” I choked out through a slightly embarrassing squeak.

“Eliminated. As in loss of life. Death. And you will be expunged - completely erased so no one knows you ever existed. Do you agree to these terms?”

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. What in the HELL have I gotten myself into…

“Uh, yes?” I said, making my response sound more like a question.

“I’m not convinced, Ms. Bueno. I need to be very convinced before we go through these doors. It’s a matter of national security.”

“100%, sir. I am absolutely, 100% positive. I swear to these terms, sir,” I told him, feeling my backbone reappear.

“Good. Samuel, we’re ready for entry,” he told the biggest security staff member.

Samuel cocked his gun and stood in front of the door, in the ready position, pointing the gun at it like the zombie apocalypse was about to ensue.

I swallowed nervously.

That’s a fucking lie. I’m about to shit my pants. No wonder he had me go to the bathroom before I came down here.

Anyway, as I’m wishing I had a diaper on, the director leaned in and initiated the iris recognition scan, successfully opening the sealed door. The security detail filed in first.

I followed the director into what looked like a giant laboratory. As we got ready to turn the corner, his security detail fanned out in front of us.

“LET US OUT!” Boomed a deep, raspy voice.

*Adrenaline rush*

“Just sit down. It’s not gonna help,” said another.

“HE NEEDS HELP!” yelled the first voice.

“I know, but they aren’t gonna let us out. And honestly, I don’t even know who could, or would, help him.” came a third voice.

I saw the director from the corner of my eye, turn and look at me as I stood stock-still, looking forward, and waiting to be told that I could proceed.   

He didn’t say anything, so I turned and looked at him, my eyes the size of Jupiter. All pupil.

He nodded once, and I stepped around the corner.

May God strike me dead where I stand, if I’m lying. 

There was a giant reinforced cage, resembling jail cells, holding the fucking Ninja Turtles in them.

I shit you not.

Albeit they were a bit older than we’d seen them in movies, and they looked slightly different, but they were definitely THE Ninja Turtles.

I gathered myself and turned to the director. “What is my job here, sir?” I asked him, completely composed with a straight face.

“Health and Safety,” He said, sadness flashing across his eyes for less than a moment. “We will leave you and let you do what you need to do,” he said, leaving me alone with the caged turtle-men. 

Once I was sure I was alone, I looked around for security cameras. When I'd decided there were none - probably for top-secret and national security reasons - I took off the stupid lab coat, safety glasses, and bulletproof vest and ran to the cages.

“Oh my god, what happened to him?” I asked, squatting down and reaching an arm through the bars to check Donatello’s pulse.

The other three turned and looked at me, confused. 

“Don’t touch him,” Growled the red-banded bara.

“Who are you?” asked Leonardo, putting a hand up in a placating manner, in an attempt to get his brother to back down.

“I’m the lead Health and Safety technician for this project. They hired me six months ago for this project, but this is the first time hearing about all of this,” I said, slightly alarmed by the faintness of Donnie's heartbeat. “Now, please tell me, what happened to him,” I said to Leo, looking him directly in the eyes.

“We don’t know. They sedated him. Heavily. And took him out of the lab. He was gone for two days. He’s been like this since they brought him back,” said Leo, now kneeling in the corner of the cell so he was next to me and his unconscious brother.

“And how long ago did they bring him back?” I asked.

“Maybe three to four hours ago? It’s hard to tell. We’ve been stuck in here forever.”

“Oh God… Is he allergic to anything? Does he have any health issues?” I prodded, my eyebrows furrowed, and my face twisted in clear heartache.

“Uh, no, no. None of us do. I mean, unless you count the fact that we’re overgrown, mutated, humanoid turtles…” He said.

I couldn't help but smirk at him, “No. That’s actually quite normal. This is New York, after all.” 

Mikey huffed a stifled giggle from beside me, now standing the closest he could get to us, in his own cage.

As I started to stand up, Leo stuck his hand through the bars and grabbed my wrist. I looked into his gorgeous blue eyes, which were filled with sorrow and hope. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Don’t thank me yet. I haven’t even done anything,” I told him softly.

“Yea, but you’re going to - I can see the genuine worry on your face,” he said, my face heating up as he pulled me closer to his cage to get a better look at me.

“I need to go look through the files over by the entry door,” I whispered to him. “I need to see what they were doing to him, so I can help him.”

Leo released my wrist and wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even realize I was crying. 

“I’m Leo,” he introduced himself.

“I know who you guys are. You’re kinda my childhood heroes,” I confessed, looking down.

“Thank God,” huffed Raphael, visibly relaxing.

“You’re actually gonna help us then?” asked Mikey from behind me.

I turned and looked at the orange-clad turtle, “Yes, of course.”

I turned back to Leo and leaned in closer to him so he could hear me whisper...

“I don’t know how, but I promise, I’ll help you get out of here.” 

Enjoying my work? Find my Master list HERE

~Tags~

@leosgirl82 @sharpwindow @post-apocalyptic-daydream @eveandtheturtles @m1dnyt3-w0lf @raphsmuneca @tmnt-tychou @snackugaki @scholastic-dragon @miss-andromeda @happymoonangel @drowninghell @raphslovemuffin80 @chicchanmooshy @xanadu-702 @pheradream-15 @jurikyu-blog @raphielover @zombiesnips-blog @meowph-132 @shakeyourtrees @iheartchv @fluffytriceratops @fyreball66 @memes-in-a-half-shell @t-annuki @waterstar2016 @symmetricalkazekage @androidships007 @tinkabelle19

*If you aren’t on this list, please let me know if you want me to tag you in my other work or if you prefer me to not tag you 😘

[fatehbaz]

In 1913, a year before the Panama Canal was completed, the journalist Frederic J. Haskin wrote that “the conquest of the Isthmian barrier was the conquest of the mosquito.” This was a period when America [had] [...] by 1902 taken control of Cuba, Puerto Rico, the Philippines, and Guam. [...] The connection between mosquito control and the United States’ imperial conquest can be seen in the work of William C. Gorgas, the Alabama-born Army surgeon who led efforts to eradicate yellow fever and malaria -- both mosquito-borne diseases -- during the first US occupation of Cuba (1898–1902) and was subsequently appointed Chief Sanitary Officer of in Panama. [...] Gorgas claimed that he had “made sanitary discoveries that will enable man to return [...] and again live and develop in his natural home, the tropics.” [...] In particular, the dwellings erected for the Isthmian Canal Commission (ICC) conjoined the management of mosquitos with manipulating the interactions between people of different races and social classes. [...]

Gorgas arrived in Panama in 1904 [...]. Gorgas and others saw sanitation work as indistinguishable from the military occupation in Cuba and the success of the canal construction in Panama. [...] Spraying was largely carried out by mosquito brigades, which checked households for compliance [...]. But [...] these brigades also policed the activity of local residents. [...]

---

There was much debate not only about who to enlist to build the canal, but also how to prevent organized resistance and revolt among them. 

As one official testified to the US congress in 1906, “there must be on the Isthmus a surplusage of labor. Otherwise, we will have interminable strikes.” [...] 

Furthermore, rather than one vulnerable workforce, Chief Engineer John Stevens believed that having several different nationalities and ethnicities would be easier to divide and create competition, compelling them to work harder.

In order to do this, the ICC created a segregated, dual payment system: the gold and silver rolls. [...] [W]hite workers from the US were mostly hired for skilled positions and received payment in gold. These “gold-roll” employees could spend leisure time in segregated clubs [...]. West Indians and Black workers from the United States were mostly assigned to the silver roll. [...]

[T]he gold- and silver-roll system constituted an apartheid society, a perverse reincarnation of the contemporary Jim Crow system that was in full effect at the time in the United States. [...]

---

Although the ICC offered free housing to all its gold-roll employees, silver-roll employees paid rent. [...] As late as 1910, Galician workers on the silver roll were still living in boxcars ventilated only by a few small punched openings. [...] When West Indians requested basic amenities like blankets and shelter to keep their clothes from being soaked in the rain, the US government responded that they didn’t even need sheds. [...] For white workers [...] Type 13 [housing types] not only features a wraparound screened porch as a circulation space, but also a prominent band of empty space surrounding the enclosed bedrooms [...].

The distinctions associated with the categorical, systematic definition of different domestic architecture for different classes of people follows a history of typology in architecture and criminology that was closely associated with scientific racism, social Darwinism [...]. 

George W. Goethals, who took over as Chief Engineer of the project from Stevens in 1907, responded to requests for mosquito nets and screens for West Indians by repeating a common and racist misunderstanding: “It is generally admitted … [t]hat the colored people are immune.” Yet in 1912, “as many as two-thirds of all West Indians reported sick or required medical attention … [m]ost of them catching malaria several times [...].”

---

Structured by prejudice, anti-mosquito architecture allowed malaria to continue spreading while reinforcing racial hierarchies. [...] US imperial concepts about the tropics as a place [...] “[...] divided the civilized, temperate North from the heat, humidity and backwardness of the tropics.” [...] While managing the laborers through their relationship to insects -- and each other -- this low-cost architecture was crucial in the broader effort to turn the Isthmus into an imperial outpost and render the landscape tropical.

---

All text above by: Dante Furioso. “Sanitary Imperialism”. e-flux (Sick Architecture series). May 2022. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me.]

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Hi! I’ve seen you and other north american archaeologists writing about the pros and cons of archaeology, and I’m a bit curious as to how the archaeological system works. Who is responsible for doing excavations? Can anyone go out and dig? I’ve also seen some people mentioning being employed by private companies, are there non-government institutions, that does archaeology?

I’m from Denmark, and here it is only specific official museums, that are allowed to excavations anything. The universities aren’t even allowed.

Hi there, this is an awesome question and I'm going to do my best to answer it, but at the same time, my status as a relatively junior archaeologist is going to get in the way a little. I'm tagging @archaeologysucks and @archaeo-geek as two much more experiences archaeologists who work in the US and Canada, respectively.

Broadly speaking, there are three categories of archaeologists who work conducting excavations in North America:

Academics: folks who work at universities/in higher education who do archaeological excavation as research. They'll probably take whatever they find back to a lab to process it and write articles/books that will be published as part of their career. Academics mostly dig during the school breaks.

Cultural Resource Management/private practice: this is often done by private firms that are hired by companies/organizations when they need to conduct various kinds of archaeological survey (not always digging) before doing construction or maintenance. These folks also do lab work and research/publishing, but it's potentially less integral to their jobs whereas academics are expected to publish. Unlike academics, CRM archaeologists can work pretty much all year round, since they don't have teaching obligations.

Government archaeologists: State Historical Preservation Offices (SHPO) in each US state all have archaeologists who are tasked with conducting archaeology on state land. There are also archaeologists working in all sorts of different government offices, like the US Department of Agriculture and the National Park Service. There are also archaeologists who work for Indigenous peoples (Tribal Historic Preservation Offices) and within the US government to oversee compliance with the Native American Graves Protection and Repatriation Act.

This is all very broadly speaking, and I'm sure that there are nuances that I've missed. My experience is primarily within academia, but the majority of archaeologists work outside of academia doing many incredible things.

-Reid

[regulatoryrisks]

Exploring the 2024 Global Compliance Jobs Market: The Role of AI and Compliance Services

Explore the 2024 global compliance jobs market & the role of AI and Regulatory Risks in compliance services to mitigate the compliance risk of a firm.

[conselium]

Finding Compliance Leaders for Your Organization: Introducing Conselium Compliance Search, Your Trusted Compliance Executive Search Partner

Original Source: https://compliance-hiring.blogspot.com/2023/06/finding-compliance-leaders-for-your.html

In today's complex regulatory landscape, organizations require visionary leaders who can navigate the intricacies of compliance and drive a culture of integrity and risk management. Conselium Compliance Search is a leading compliance executive search firm specializing in identifying and recruiting top-tier compliance executives. With their industry expertise, extensive network, and personalized approach, Conselium Compliance Search is your trusted partner in finding exceptional compliance leaders who will elevate your organization's compliance program.

 Expertise in Compliance Executive Search:

 Conselium Compliance Search has a wealth of experience in compliance executive search, enabling them to understand the unique skill sets and leadership qualities required for executive-level compliance positions. Their team of seasoned recruiters has a deep understanding of compliance regulations and industry-specific compliance challenges, allowing them to identify candidates with the right blend of technical knowledge, strategic thinking, and leadership acumen.

 Extensive Network of Compliance Executives:

 With an extensive network of compliance executives, Conselium Compliance Search has access to a diverse pool of talented individuals who have excelled in senior compliance roles. Their recruiters actively engage with this network, leveraging their connections and industry insights to identify executives who possess a proven track record of success in leading compliance functions within organizations of various sizes and industries.

 Tailored Approach:

 Conselium Compliance Search takes a tailored approach to each executive search assignment. They invest time in understanding your organization's unique compliance needs, strategic goals, and corporate culture. This comprehensive understanding allows them to craft a customized search strategy and identify candidates who not only possess the required technical expertise but also align with your organizational values and leadership expectations.

 Discreet and Confidential Executive Search:

 Conselium Compliance Search understands the importance of confidentiality in executive search engagements. They conduct their search process with the utmost discretion and professionalism, ensuring the privacy and security of sensitive information throughout. Their commitment to maintaining confidentiality fosters trust and integrity in their relationships with both clients and candidates.

 Efficient and Thorough Search Process:

 Conselium Compliance Search is dedicated to delivering efficient and thorough search processes. They conduct comprehensive candidate assessments, including in-depth interviews and reference checks, to ensure that only the most qualified candidates are presented for consideration. Their rigorous approach saves you time and resources, allowing you to focus on evaluating top-notch candidates who are well-suited for your organization.

 Conclusion:

 Conselium Compliance Search is your premier partner in compliance executive search, committed to helping you find exceptional compliance leaders who will drive compliance excellence within your organization. With their expertise in compliance executive search, extensive network, tailored approach, discreet search process, and commitment to excellence, Conselium Compliance Search stands ready to assist you in securing the right executive talent. Contact us Conselium Compliance Search today to discuss your compliance executive search needs and embark on a successful partnership in building a robust compliance leadership team.

[chussyracing]

what has been happening in the world of motorsports?

to start with the most concerning and serious point: there has been a complaint to the FIA Compliance Officer and Ethics Committee when Ben Sulayem came out to say they won't be stepping into the allegations of Horner's workplace misconduct because they didn't receive any official complaints, another one came in a few days after (with a warning that media will get the information next) and apparently the victim handed in her own official complaint (as a reminder this comes after reports of Sulayem being investigated for trying to influence the race result and a circuit confirmation last year and allegedly also asking Max Verstappen to publicly support Horner)

Ben Sulayem has also been cleared off the allegations (both over the Saudi Arabia 2023 results overrule and Las Vegas GP intervence)

Guanyu will have his own short documentary called The First One (probably about being the first Chinese driver on the F1 grid)

Alex posted his own merch line, debuting on his app first

Williams will run Alex, Logan and Lia Block (and even James Vowles) at Goodwill - first time in an F1 car for both Lia and James

Pierre made a new investment decision, he now has shares in French football team FC Versailles (in a similar move that the US investors made for Alpine)

there are rumours of Aramco trying to take over Aston Martin and get both Max and Adrian Newey in the team (the source is Formulauno tho)

F1 won't switch to 16 inches tyres like was originally planned for 2026 regulations (they will keep using 18 inches ones but their shape and sizing will be a bit different)

Monaco this year will feature a special floating platform

Este was at some sort of F1 podcast and he mentioned that he raced in F3 against Max and won the title, but it was Max who got a seat in F1 despite finishing p3 (and apparently that made a lot of Max fans angry)

Mercedes are still battling the lack of correspondence between sim and track data, the rumours say they might try some experiments in Australia and potentially push back some scheduled upgrades until they collect more data

GB4 will fund an F1 Academy seat for the highest placed female driver in the series

Guenther Steiner became an F1 columnist (among other things he mentioned he would hire Ollie Bearman and that he should have left Haas much sooner)

Barcelona's circuit invested 50m euros to try to keep them on the race calendar beyond 2026 when Madrid joins

there are rumours that if Max really goes to Mercedes, Toto Wolff has a deal with James Vowles to take Kimi Antonelli in the team

Riccardo Adami said he is ready to be Lewis' race engineer in Ferrari in 2025 (which is not really a piece of news but a lot of people expected Bono to follow Lewis - which despite the anti-poaching clause - can still happen at some point)

Carlos will meet FIA doctors and complete cockpit escaping test on Thursday to see if he is fit to drive in Australia after his surgery, but Ferrari claimed he is ready to race

Stake F1 Team Kick Sauber will be called Kick Sauber this week due to Australian policy

Felipe Drugovich signed with LMP2 team but will also keep the Aston Martin reserve driver role

Simone Resta will join Mercedes after being let go off from Haas where he was on loan from Ferrari

Enrico Sampo will also join them as a Head of Performance Software Applications, and it is understood they hope he could help with correlation issues between sim data and on track data (although he will only start in the new position in 2025)

Nikita Mazepin appealed against the sanctions from European Union (because of ties to Russian government), the Court of Justice lifted the sanctions

Lewis posted about Palestine and rightfully calls for immediate and permanent ceasefire

Williams partnered with Sungood as official eyewear partner (after they already have a sponsorship deal with McLaren)

from fan's point of view:

Charles went surfing in Melbourne, and then he went karting

Lewis changed his Instagram icon

it was Mike Krack's birthday yesterday, sorry I missed it king!

(also a fun fact: it was also Prince Albert II.'s 66th birthday a few days ago)

Ollie was asked about Le Mans and said he would take Lewis and Charles and if they don't win, it is his own fault

Oscar was a face of last Esquire issue

apparently there are rumours of George being engaged (how do people come up with stuff like this. no idea.)

Daniel showed a special helmet design for his gp

there is apparently a whole google doc with updated drivers locations??? get help

Alex and Oscar have been the latest hosts on Beyond The Grid episodes

racing results:

Formula E was back on this past weekend with Sam Bird winning for the first time in FE, Mitch Evans in p2 (after getting overtaken on last lap), and Oliver Rowland in p3

[pettyrevenge-base]

Guy I work with never answers his email or phone, so I got my petty revenge.

I do office work and have recently conducted several audits to get our files prepared for the new year. I realized a lot of employees were missing many items in their files. This was not anyone’s fault because the company never had proper admin employees, so I was hired specifically to clean up files and ensure state and federal compliance. This employee, we’ll call him Paul, works remotely and never answers his emails or phone. There was an audit I was working on and realized about 60 employees needed to sign a form, so 59 of them signed it within the week, and Paul never answered me. I called and emailed him for about 3 months until he finally sent it back. It’s unfortunate that I have to keep an audit open for this long because of him. He has done this multiple times though, and also missed 2 mandatory online classes that I conducted, so I had to jump through hoops for him to take the class. He’s ALWAYS the last one to complete anything that I ask of him, and it’s quite unfair that I have to spend many hours calling and emailing him, all for a task that takes a lousy 5 seconds for him to complete.

Anyway, we are ordering new shirts for the whole company because they met the sales goals. It’s just a gift and we understand that we cannot make everyone happy (maybe some don’t like the color or fabric etc.) so the owner made it very clear that we will send 1 to every address and there will be no returns or exchanges for any reason (because it is custom made and quite expensive, and also because it’s a gift, and not like a company uniform or anything). I spent many hours getting everyone’s sizes and entering it into a spreadsheet, but guess who never responded? Paul. Although I’ve never met Paul in person, I’ve seen a photo and I would guess he’s about 6 foot 3 and around 300 pounds. So guess who ordered him a size extra small? 😈

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[neoatlantiscodex]

The Surprising Difference Between Capitalism and Fascism

AKA: There is no such thing as Corporate Capitalism

The main difference between Communism and Fascism is that Communism burnt down the existing power structures to build new ones, while Fascists coopted existed the power structures.

That sounds like something I should prove, but I'd rather just take Hitler's word on it. He literally gave a speech about how Communists weren't doing it right, and Fascism was going to show them how it was done. The wonderful thing about Fascism is that THE Fascists, the ones who, quite literally, wrote the book on Fascism, were not shy about how wonderful they thought Fascism was.

Fascism coopted education, the military, the church, and...

corporations. They nationalized major corporations, and then gave control of it to their friends. If you wanted to control your family's business, you literally had to become friends with the regime. The regime then used these corporations as if they were organs of the government. You don't have to use such direct control, however, all you have to do is create regulation that makes it difficult to have a small business, and then, because you are writing the rules, you can hold the major corporations by the balls.

You see, in a Capitalist economy, major corporations are lumbering giants. Decisions are being made by men so far above the clouds, they can't even fathom what their edicts are doing. Small businesses have no such problems, and can move in where major corporations fail.

That is, unless you create a level of regulation that major corporations can hire a team of sex figure accountants and compliance officers to make sure they are following.

And then small businesses simply cannot.

Let's take the recent worldwide coughing fit. Major corporations need long and broad supply chains, that are easily disrupted. Walmart's shelvers were bare, while smaller super markets were perfectly fine. So, what does the government do? Ban small businesses.

This is not Capitalism.

In Capitalism, major corporations can be formed, but are just as vulnerable to collapse as anyone else. Large corporations are typically formed in industries that need them, (like car manufacturing), through novel industries, (like Amazon and Tesla), or through simple diversification.

A corporation grows as large as it can in a market, and then opens a new business to take advantage of new markets. You grow your cereal company as much as you can, and then start making tooth paste. Then once that has grown, you start making hand soap.

Under Fascism, major corporations grow because the government restricts small businesses from competing with them. If the government provides any protection for major businesses from their smaller competitors, it's - not - Capitalism.

Capitalism relies on competition.

[obsessivedilettante]

I could technically leave work early today but I have grocery pickup scheduled at a time that I would normally be leaving, so what’s the point.

Anyway, I am officially a month (!) into this new job and I am learning that when I sold myself as a “well-rounded office person” they apparently took me seriously.

I can’t begin to tell you how many conversations and discoveries I have made so far just by asking what I think are simple things, like:

“Hey, where do you keep those documents?” We don’t actually have those documents, much less keep them.

(On being asked a simple office question my second week) “Hmm, I don’t know, what has your policy previously been?” There hasn’t been a policy, at least not officially.

I mean, I’m literally creating the office stuff from scratch. You can’t imagine how long my task list is already, just from me going, “Oh, okay, well that’s something that will need to happen.” And it will only happen because of me!

To be fair, this is literally why I was hired — the ED is too overworked to take care of the nuts and bolts of running the place. I’m here to bring everyone into compliance and get them organized and sail them smoothly into HR and accounting waters.

Which cracks me up because I see who I really am, an ADHD disorganized disaster who struggles with basic bureaucracy (I never went to the doctor the last couple years because I couldn’t figure out my new job’s insurance) and would prefer to daydream the day away if she could.

But for other people, I am an organizational genius who makes sure every detail is accurate when making sure we’re compliant with all the policies.

People sometimes think that this a job I seek out, that I enjoy, that I’m some sort of type-A perfectionist. When really it’s just what I could put on the resume due to random bits’bobs of experience, and here we are. The Office Genius.

I am quite fond of pens and sticky notes, though. Always have been.

Anyway, so this is me, bewildered at the path life has taken, but realizing that my basic experiences during my “just trying to get by” struggle years, now make me the kind of person who can fix a fractured and disorganized office.

Yeah, I’d rather be doing something more enriching. But I like bringing beauty and order from the chaos and nothingness.

Even if it’s just an Employee Handbook.