#honestly most my thoughts on this song are just [gestures frantically at the lyrics] THEM!!! THEM!!!!!!!

[arsenicflame]

Today on songs that have been absolutely consuming me as edizzy:

i debated adding it to my playlist for a while because i thought a song whos main hook is 'You must be a masochist' was a little on the nose but the more i listen to it the more i cannot deny that its them

i wont ramble on about all my thoughts but here are two sections to consider in specific:

So I cut out all the good stuff Yeah, I cut off my foot to spite my leg

obviously also on the nose considering s2, but my specific reading is with Izzy as the foot and Ed as the leg- Ed is doing everything he can to cut Izzy off so he can suffer for it! Izzy's the only one left who cares about him, and he doesnt want that- its so much easier to commit when theres no one there waiting for him. the song revisits this theme later with these lyrics, which only extends the theme:

Because that limb which I have lost It was the only thing holding me up

this song also does one of my most favourite things in songs- where the last section slightly twists earlier lines to change the meaning:

That that is you in front of me And you are back for even more of exactly the same Well, are you a masochist? You love a modern leper on his last leg And you're not ill and I'm not dead Doesn't that make us the perfect pair? You should sit with me and we'll start again And you can tell me all about what you did today

ultimately. Izzy's always gonna love him. hes always going to come back to Ed, whether its good for him or not. theres nothing Ed can do to change that. the only thing he can control is how it goes.

maybe, from that realisation, they can try to start again, just Ed and Izzy this time, and make something new. something thats better.

[nicolewoo]

The Big Day Part 2

Pairing: Joe Anaoi X Reader (Roman Reigns X Reader)

Warnings: None. Nice and fluffy for you.

Now that the ceremony, the eating and the show was over, we all sat around 2 bonfires, Joe sitting on a log, and me seated in between his feet on the sand.

What surprised me the most was that barely anyone left. Where I was from, everyone came to a family reunion at the beginning, and after the food was served, older members and those with young kids trickled out, but that obviously not the case at a Samoan Independence Day celebration. Babies slept in the arms of parents and family members, older members were seated in comfortable chairs, some with thick blankets over them to keep them warm, and everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) helped keep the young and the old happy and comfortable. This was the Fa’a I’d read about. The Samoan way of revering your elders and working as a family instead of individuals. Truly it was beautiful.

Dwayne had procured a guitar, and sat strumming the instrument, occasionally adding some lyrics, a little Elvis here, a little Moana there. “Ok. Ok. Who is ready to name that tune?” I was a bit confused, but everyone else knew what was going on. I watched and learned. Dwayne would play a few notes, and the first person who could guess the song, had to sing a bit of it; no matter how bad of a singer they were. Obviously, the more tone-deaf singers were cut off early, and a new song started.

I knew the next song by the 4th note but didn’t answer. I waited for someone to start singing. This was an easy one. I waited as Dwayne vamped the 8 notes that should have been easy to recognize. “Awe, C’mon guys. This one’s a classic.” He played the 8 notes again.

I leaned over to Vanessa and Joe and whispered, “Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.”

I must not have been quiet enough, because the next thing I heard was Dwayne say, “Y/N has it.” He vamped the 8 notes again, looking at me expectantly. “You have to sing it now. It’s tradition!”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and sigh out loud. I looked at Joe in a panic. He leaned in close to me. “Baby, it doesn’t matter what anyone said in your past. We are your new family, and we will love and support you even if you can’t sing.” His words were sweet but ignoring that voice in my head that told me I am never enough was impossible.

Seeing that I was anxious, Dwayne said, “I’ll sing it with you.”

They didn’t understand. They didn’t know. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing. It’s that my singing had been tainted when I was younger. It was never good enough. I was never good enough, and so, I’d locked that part of me up tight and didn’t want to revisit it, but I didn’t have a choice now.

I tried to keep my voice low so Dwayne’s would cover it. “They say there was a secret cord.” Yeah, Dwayne was covering up my voice. “That David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don’t,” Dwayne stopped singing, so I did too.

Dwayne looked from Joe to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know.” Joe said.

I looked at Joe who looked awestruck. “Joe, don’t…”

“Now you HAVE to sing it. It’s family tradition.” Dwayne prodded, vamping the introduction again. Now the people around us joined in, trying to encourage me to sing.

I looked at Joe. He wrapped his arms around me until his mouth was next to my ear. “Baby,” His voice was low and sexy, and I got wet just hearing it. “What I just heard was beautiful. It doesn’t matter what happened in your past. We are your family now, and we want to hear you sing. I promise nothing bad will happen. It’s time to replace those old memories with new, happy ones.” I turned to look at him, and I saw complete love. I eyed the others around the fire, and I saw complete acceptance, but still…..

I nodded at Dwayne; a bit surer of myself now. He started the song over, ready to sing along if necessary, but I sang on my own. “I heard there was a secret cord.”

Dwayne smiled big and encouraged me, “Louder. You sound great.”

“That David played, and it pleased the Lord.” I sang it a little bit louder.

Joe whispered in my ear again, “Please baby, Keep going. I want to hear.”

Louder, “But you don’t really care for music, do you?”

“Belt it out Y/N,” Dwayne urged.

My voice quivered as I started the next line, but honestly, I hadn’t sung in so long, and it felt so right to just lose myself in the song, so I looked up at Joe and continued. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.”

“Let go baby. Let go for me.” Joe whispered to me, and I did.

“The baffled king composing Hallelujah.”

Dwayne stopped suddenly, looking at me. “I’ll make a deal with you.” I was intrigued. “If you really sing the song, like put all of your power behind it, I’ll buy you and Joe an hour-long massage tomorrow.” That was tempting.

“Two!” I challenged.

Dwayne laughed, “Two massages?”

“No. Two hours.” Everyone laughed now.

“It’s a deal kid, but you have to really belt it out. Pretend you’re giving a concert in front of your most adoring fans. Got it?” He challenged me this time.

I just smiled, knowing I was about to blow him away. “Deal.” I said as I rose from the ground to get more lung capacity. I sat next to Joe.

Dwayne began to play the intro, and I let go. I sang like I would only sing for myself alone in the shower.

“I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don’t really care for music, do ya?” Joe ran his hand over my back, smiling at me, and I could feel his pride. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.” I really put emphasis on the last line, “The baffled King composes Halleluiah.”

Trinity yelled out, “Wooo! Get it Y/N.” Her rowdy cheer spurred me on. I looked to see both Fatu families smiling at me. There was complete acceptance and awe in the eyes of everyone around the fire, and as I started the second verse, people wandered over from the second fire, wanting to hear me sing.

“Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you.” The next line should be stronger, but I normally tried to hide my voice. Feeling encouraged, I did it the way it should be sung. “She tied you to her kitchen chair.” Trinity wooted again. “She broke your throne and she cut your hair.”The song built.

Jimmy yelled, “Get it sister Uce!

“And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.”

I expected Dwayne to stop now, but he nodded at me as he played on. “Let’s hear it. Slay this verse!” I sang the chorus, lost in the music. Lost in the vibrations in my chest and my abs. “Halleluuuuuuuuujah.”

Joe beamed with pride at the crowd around us, which was growing considerably with each note. I noticed Jimmy had his phone out. I wasn’t sure if he was filming or if he was face timing our friends again, but I knew I was making Joe proud, so I ignored it.

“Well, maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love, Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light.” This was the big moment. I tried desperately to ignore everyone around me but Joe and I belted it out, strong and beautiful. “It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.” The crowd around the fire erupted in cheers and applause.

I stopped, figuring that was enough, but Dwayne keep playing, prompting me to sing more. “Go on baby,” Joe whispered in my ear.

“Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” I brought the song to a close.

I thought the cheers before were loud. When the song ended, everyone went wild with cheers, applause….. it was insane, and as pride washed over me, I began to feel guilty for enjoying the attention. “That was amazing!” Dwayne said as Joe pulled me closer into his side and kissed my temple.

“That’s my girl.” He said half to me and half to the crowd. He leaned close to my ear now. “Baby, that was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” I looked to find him smiling at me, soft and gentle and full of pride.

“Do another one!” Trinity yelled, and the crowd started chanting “Another one. Another one.”

Dwayne laughed and looked at me. “What do you say?”

“Let someone else play,” I tried to generously cede everyone’s attention.

Someone yelled “Noooo!” loudly.

Dwayne laughed. “I think we found our winner. Game is over.” He gestured toward the crowd. “Your audience wants another one.” He poised his hands over the guitar.

My mind frantically scanned my memory to pick another song. It would have to be well known so Dwayne would know it. “Ummmm…. Somewhere Over The Rainbow?” I asked, and he answered by starting the song.

@mindofasagittaruis​ @lclb13​

[randomfandomimagine]

Soul of a Warrior. Chapter 6: Light & Dark

Fandom: The Witcher

Ship: Jaskier x Nissa (OC)

Previous Chapter - Chapter Index - Next Chapter

AO3

Please reblog and leave a comment, it would make my day!

A/N: As well as updating on Thursdays, I will be posting new chapters every Sunday from now on, so stay tuned twice a week 😉 Also, remember that feedback is very much appreciated 🤗

The next day, we have entered Redania and are nearing Rinde. The Pontar river flows next to us, and I gleefully watch it as we advance on foot. I am elated to be closer and my mood only improves with the company. It feels like a new beginning.

Jaskier’s voice fills the silence, as it couldn’t be other way. This time he timidly sings lyrics to a new song he’s in the process of composing.

“What will you do?” Geralt speaks, and I realize he’s looking at me. “When we reach Rinde?”

“Oh” The question surprises me a bit, so I absently look at Pal while I think of an answer. “Well…”

“She will stay with us, of course!” Jaskier answers, forgetting about his music. “Right…?”

I shrug a little, a bit conflicted. I am quite comfortable with them now, and I certainly enjoy their company. The thought of leaving them behind saddens me, but perhaps the best thing would be to spend some time alone, reflect and allow myself to heal. The loss of my home town is still an open wound, and it feels too early to move on.

“M-Maybe…?” Pal reciprocates the stare when I look at him. If only he could tell me what the right thing to do is.

“It’s fine” The witcher nods slightly, pulling Roach along himself. “Think about it”

“Yes” I smile, knowing the choice is still a bit far away. “We haven’t reached Rinde yet in any case”

I turn at Jaskier, who slides the lute to his back. His eyes are glued to the ground and he absently kicks a small rock of the many that cover the ground at our feet. As though he senses my gaze, however, he lifts his head up. I smile a bit at the sight of his lively blue eyes, and he sweetly reciprocates the gesture. Somehow, his expression is asking me to stay, to remain by their side for just a bit longer... and I want to comply.

As we walk, I step onto a small stone that rolls and makes me lose my balance. Jaskier next to me is quick to wrap an arm around me even though I quickly recover.

“Wow, careful!” He smirks when I hold on to him out of sheer surprise.

“I’m… fine…” I blink repeatedly, flustered by the sudden closeness.

“Leave her alone…” Geralt tiredly says. I have to purse my lips not to laugh at the face Jaskier makes in response.

“I’m being considerate, Geralt, I don’t want her to fall in the water!”

I snort when I look at the big space that separates us from the water. In reality, I was nowhere near falling in.

“You don’t think me capable of the terribly hard task that it is walking?” I tease him, tugging at his hand that settled on my waist and trying to get rid of it. He doesn’t leave off.

“He’s just looking for an excuse to touch you” The witcher mutters, deadpanning as usual.

“I-I-I…” The bard stutters, gawking at his friend. “Excuse me! I’m just trying to…”

“Stupid bard” I chuckle when he starts blushing and playfully wrinkle my nose at him.

“Oi, it would be a real shame if you actually fell in the water” Jaskier pushes me slightly and I yelp and cling on to him. That only causes his smirk to grow. “Not so cheeky now, eh?”

His hand squeezes my waist and I shrink against his side. Jaskier’s eyebrows arch in curiosity to my reaction and I bit my bottom lip.

“Watch your hand” I only say, maintaining eye contact.

“It is on your waist, no lower” He defends himself, intently watching me as if wishing to read my thoughts.

I don’t respond, only push against his chest ever so slightly in order to put some distance between us. His expression suddenly changes, from confused to absolutely thrilled.

“No…” Jaskier shows me a mischievous smirk. “Are you ticklish, my dear Nissa?”

My cheeks burn. The twinkle in his eyes confirms that I am in fact blushing.

“N-No…”

“Yeah you are! Oh, this is brilliant!”

“Don’t you dare, Jaskier”

“Or what?”

“I am warning you”

I lift a finger up, but my quivering lip makes the threat slightly less menacing. Ahead of us, Geralt sighs very loudly. He is mumbling something to Roach, and I manage to catch a few of the words he says.

“Why me…?”

“Ah!” I yelp when Jaskier roughly squeezes my side. “Hey!”

“I thought you weren’t ticklish” He smirks still, squeezing again.

“Stop it!” I squirm to try and get away from his grasp. “Jaskier!”

When he holds me with both hands and starts tickling me without mercy, I let go of the horse’s reins. Giggling and struggling to breathe as his nimble fingers attack me, I shrink over myself and push my shoulder against his chest. Jaskier only giggles as he watches me squirm. To lock me in place, his arms push me against his torso. In that position, I have no escape as his hands continue squeezing the ticklish spots in my sides. I try to push myself off him yet again, squeaking and laughing breathlessly and without remedy during such torture.

Pal suddenly nudges Jaskier, quite angrily, to push him off me. I see Geralt returning to our side as he notices the scene. In the meantime, I struggle to catch my breath when his attack ceases.

“Wow, little horsey” The bard immediately lets go of me, backing away. “Calm down there”

“It’s alright, Pal” I am moved that he tries to protect me, even if Jaskier could never actually hurt me.  I try to comfort my horse, caressing his neck, but he’s still a bit rattled. Pal nudges his head towards Jaskier again, causing him to yelp and step further back with an exclamation.

“Jaskier” Geralt calls him, and even if he’s leaning forward, he isn’t quick enough.

Jaskier loses his balance and falls into the water, yelling in surprise. He sinks into the river for a moment. We stand by until he scrambles to his feet once more. The water luckily only reaches up to his chest. His brown hair looks black as its dripping with water and sticking to his forehead. His expression is indescribably hilarious.

“My lute!” The bard suddenly shouts, frantically sliding it over his chest and analyzing it. He sighs in relief when he checks his most precious possession is intact. Wet, but intact.

I cover my mouth, torn between laughter and concern. When Geralt offers him a hand and pulls Jaskier out of the river, I lean towards the amusement and start giggling. Even the witcher next to me clears his throat to hide a chuckle.

“Go ahead, Nissa, don’t be shy!” Jaskier throws his hands up in exasperation, splashing water everywhere. “Enjoy my misfortune!”

The sound of his soaked clothes dripping water on the ground only causes me to laugh harder. I take a moment to recover and then place a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” I feel the need to ask, but he gasps in outrage.

“No!” Jaskier shouts dramatically. “I could have died, and my lute!”

Geralt shakes his head in amusement and continues walking, taking Roach with him and telling her how he will treasure this moment forever. I myself approach Pal, but he’s carefully watching the bard. Trying to make amends, the horse gently pushes his head against Jaskier’s shoulder.

“No, no, no” He wiggles his finger at the horse. “Don’t give me that now, you beast”

I grin as I watch the two interact. Pal tries once more. In the end, Jaskier sighs and caresses him between the eyes to settle a truce. The horse leaves him with one last nudge before returning by my side.

“He was only trying to protect me” I conclude as Jaskier frowns and watches his lute attentively. “You were attacking me after all”

“Yeah, yeah…” He mumbles, carefully wiping water drops from the instrument.

I grin and walk ahead, leaving Jaskier to his resigned mumbling and concentrated cares towards his beloved lute. Geralt is smiling a bit when I catch up with him, and his grins only widens when our gazes meet and finds that I am trying not to keep laughing.

_

Rinde is a welcome change from the extremely silent atmosphere that has gloomed over us for the past few days in Vizima. The city is bustling with people, activity and movement. There is a small market at the capital and so we indulge in curiously taking a look at the items displayed: clothes, food, herbs, jewelry, weapons… all kinds of goods.

Jaskier’s mood has improved in these few hours that it has taken us to arrive. After his clothes and hair have dried, he is back to his usual chatting and occasionally calls to show us something that catches his eye. He tugs at my wrist and takes me with him everywhere he goes. Though I laugh a little at his behavior, I manage to get rid of his grasp after a while. He is too preoccupied with curiously eyeing some poetry books to notice.

I absently wander around the market and stop before a stand displaying dresses and riding wear. All my belongings burned in the fire along with everything else in Vizima, and I wasn’t cautious enough to take any money with me. Nonetheless, I eye a comfortable looking pair of breeches and a tunic.

Although Geralt and Jaskier look slightly disheveled themselves, I honestly feel absolutely disgusting. After all the activity, my clothes are full of dirt, dust, blood and sweat. So is my skin, and I could certainly use a change of clothes. Nonetheless, it will have to wait until I can earn some coin.

The witcher suddenly halts next to me and picks up the very garments I watch. Geralt hands me the clothes, but I don’t take them and instead watch him, baffled.

“I don’t carry money with me…” Still not moving, I watch his outstretched hand.

“Just take them” He pushes them towards me and tosses a coin to the seller.

The man doesn’t have a problem taking the payment and letting me take the clothes. I myself don’t feel as willing and stand there in shock.

“Take them” He insists. “Or I throw them away”

“T-Thank you, Geralt…” I whole heartedly say, clutching them against my chest.

“Aw, that’s sweet” Jaskier rests an elbow over my shoulder, watching his friend. “See, Geralt? You’re soft, don’t deny it”

The mildly friendly expression in the witcher’s face fades instantly as he turns to the bard and glares at him. Jaskier doesn’t bat an eye and instead continues speaking.

“Here, look” As he cheerfully takes Geralt by the arm, the witcher pinches his nose in exhaustion. “I found something incredible”

I curiously follow after them, arriving to another stand. This one is full of beautiful jewels sparkling under the afternoon sun.

“Look, Geralt!” He repeats, holding up a gorgeous silver necklace with emeralds incrusted on it. The witcher glances at it with disinterest, even if Jaskier is watching me with the corner of his eye anyway. “Doesn’t it remind you of someone’s eyes?”

I giggle at his poor attempt at subtlety. Geralt grunts in aggravation. Although I open my mouth to speak, our candid moment is interrupted when someone starts shouting at us.

“You, mutant!” The seller is eyeing Geralt. “Get out of here, away from my wares!”

There is a short pause in which we gawk at the man. Then comes the retaliation.

“Oi!” Jaskier harshly drops the necklace. “What did you just say to him?”

“You heard me!” The man insists, shooing us with hand gestures. “Off you go!”

“Alright then” Jaskier hands the witcher his beloved instrument. “Geralt, hold my lute”

Unfazed by the bard’s outburst, he only holds him by the back of the doublet and pushes him away of the stand. Jaskier complains, though he is forced away from the confrontation. I want to retort back myself, but I am so shocked and outraged that the nasty words I want to dedicate that man are stuck in my throat. In any case, I open my mouth to produce any sounds. I will not let him berate Geralt in such a way.

“I… H-How dare you?!” I only manage, glaring at the man. My body is burning with anger. I kick the base of his rickety stand. “You should learn some manners, you-“

I advance towards the idiot, but the witcher makes me stumble as he drags me away from that spot as well. He has lifted me off the ground, leaning me against his side and easily carrying me away from there as though I weigh nothing to him.

“Your merchandise isn’t even that great, you pathetic excuse for a jeweler!” Jaskier continues confront him, earning an angry glare from the man. “You absolute buffoon!”

“Jaskier…” Still carrying me, Geralt hauls the bard around by the doublet.

The two of us exchange a helpless look as the witcher defuses the situation. Several pair of eyes watch us, accompanied by hushed mumbling. Once we are slightly calmer and far away enough from the marketplace, Geralt lets both of us go.

“That man deserved to get a piece of our mind” Jaskier angrily fixes his doublet.

The witcher only shakes his head. He ignores it when the bard vehemently nods back.

“If you are to travel with us, you can’t react like this” His golden eyes move from me to his friend. “You too, Jaskier”

The aforesaid mumbles under his breath, and although the words are unintelligible, I gather by the way his gaze is directed towards the man still that they are not kind words.

“Are you truly alright with this?” I demand to know, staring at Geralt.

“It isn’t the first time” His lips form a thin line, though he seems calm. “And it won’t be the last”

“You amaze me, Geralt” Jaskier takes a deep breath. “I could just punch him in the face and break his teeth”

“Hm…” He only replies. “We should search for an inn”

Trying to forget about that incident, I touch Geralt’s arm as soon as he lets go of me. Nearly sarcastically, he pats my hand. He doesn’t seem surprised nor bothered by such treatment, and it breaks my heart. One gets used to everything, it seems, even to insults. All I hope is he isn’t starting to believe in the veracity of those insults. Or that he has already.

Jaskier dramatically sighs when Geralt leads the way. My feet drag across the ground as I follow them. That interaction feels like a glimpse at what travelling with them truly is like.

“I suppose we should all rest for a bit” Pointing a thumb over his shoulder, the bard directs us to the closest inn. “We could all use a bath and some food, I am hungry”

Jaskier doesn’t wait for us as he now leads the way towards the establishment. Silent, we follow in tow.

A question hangs in the air, though neither of them says it. We have arrived, we have found a place to stay, and the dilemma lingers in my mind even if I don’t address it either. I haven’t decided what I will be doing, but surely it can wait for a few hours more, just until we get some well-deserved rest somewhere other than a forest or out in the open. Big decisions should be taken on a full stomach and a rested mind.

As we near the inn, the hubbub of voices from inside reach us before we enter. Geralt and I stop for a moment to secure the horses outside.

“You two go ahead and rent the room” Geralt is eyeing a notice board right outside the inn.

“Right” Jaskier casually walks in.

I stay behind for a moment. The look in the witcher’s eyes makes me suspicious. Is he trying to leave us alone? Before he can confirm it with an indecorous comment, I follow after the bard.

The environment is loud and lively. It smells like ale and sweat, yet somehow it feels vaguely familiar and welcoming. Too many years working in a tavern, I suppose.

Jaskier is already leaning on the reception table, talking to the woman behind it. I walk toward him. He sinks his hand on his pocket and I pout at the sight.

“Not you too…” I mumble as I stand by his side, resting a hand on his arm. Jaskier only grins and says nothing.

“Thank you, darling” He is telling her now. “You have the cutest nose, by the way”

I scoff at how he flirts with her, though he completely ignores me. The woman doesn’t seem too impressed in any case. That doesn’t erase that stupid grin from his lips.

“Jaskier…” I tug at his arm, but he shakes his head.

“Ah-ah” Dragging two coins over the counter and closer to the inn keeper lady, he then turns his body to me, nearly challenging me to change his mind. “No complaints”

“I feel terrible…” I feebly lean on the column behind me. “First Geralt and now you… You’re being too kind, and I have no way of repaying you…”

Jaskier looks at me, and I can feel how his eyes struggle to stay on mine. I cock an eyebrow at him and he grins innocently.

“Oh, I’m sure you can think of some ways to make it up to me, Nissa” The way he arches his eyebrows is suggestive to say the least. I shove my palm against his shoulder to erase the expression off his face. “Ow, alright… sorry…”

“To your left” The inn keeper woman hands Jaskier a key.

“Ladies first” He motions forwards, so I take the lead to where the rooms are. Walking to our left as the lady said, I talk over my shoulder to him, glancing ahead to watch where I’m going.

“I do appreciate what you’re doing” I tell him, earning a beautiful smile from Jaskier.

“You’re very welcome” After a few more steps, we reach the door and he unlocks it with the key. “I’m always more than happy to aid a damsel in distress”

I gawk at him in false outrage and he chuckles, opening the door for me and allowing me to step in first.

“Thank you, Jaskier” Before I come in, I leave a soft peck on his cheek. "Truly"

It’s hard not to notice how he freezes in the spot. His fingers briefly brush against his cheek there where my lips were. The bard is flustered enough to awkwardly clear his throat and take several seconds to follow after me, closing the door behind him.

“R-Right… I, uh…” As I plop down in the bed, I watch him. Jaskier trails off for a moment before he recovers his train of thought. “I… also asked for warm bath water”

“That’s lovely” I say, bringing my braid over my shoulder and starting to undo it. I absently hum a melody, that which he has been singing, as it is stuck in my head.

Watching me in silence, Jaskier sits in the other bed, facing me. His fingers fidget with the key. I avert my eyes and lowly sigh in relief when my tight braid is undone. It doesn’t help with feeling tired and filthy, but at least it’s not tugging at my scalp anymore.

“Can I ask you a question?” He suddenly utters, blinking as though his eyes are on me yet not actually seeing me.

“Of course” I reply, absently carding my fingers through my tangled hair. “What is it?”

“Do you… believe in destiny?”

“Oh… I… Well…”

“Yes?”

A dreamy and thoughtful look takes over him. I struggle to voice my thoughts on the matter. I never did believe in it, but it isn’t quite as simple as just that.

“I can’t afford to” I finally reply, shrugging a shoulder when he frowns. “If it’s set on stone, I feel as though mine is quite cruel”

“Right… I suppose…” Jaskier glances down to the rusty key between his fingers.

I can tell the moment is quite tense now, so I pipe up once more to remedy it.

“Why do you ask?” I show him a smile as soon as our gazes meet. “Are you still thinking about your new song?”

That seems to liven him up immediately. His deflated posture fixes and he grins brightly once more.

“I am, actually. Though I’ll admit: I am quite stumped with this one” He lets out an exaggerated sigh, as though he were heaving his final breath. “I can’t find the right words”

I think of something to say, but he is already standing up. Jaskier shows me a charming and flirtatious smile as he moves from his bed to set with me in the other. Our sides brush together as he places an arm over my shoulders.

“Would you like to be my muse, Nis?”

“Don’t start, silly”

“You’re the one that kissed me!”

“On the cheek”

“You still kissed me”

“It was on the cheek!”

He lets out a chuckle that I find too adorable. I refuse to fall for his charm again and so I push him away. Leaving him lonely, I stand from the bed and tower over him. His eyes resemble those of a puppy dog as he looks up at me.

“I am taking a bath” I hold a hand up before he can say anything, which he was, judging by the way his lips started moving. “You may keep any related comments to yourself”

“Or what, my lady?” When he tilts his head, the hair falls over his eyes but he doesn’t move it. “You will have our trustworthy witcher beat me?”

“Or I can do it myself” I smirk and turn around, denying him the chance of a witty response.

_

The shift of temperature is shocking at first, but I relax into the warm water and sink further into the bath. It seems to magically untangle all knots in my muscles. A deep sigh escapes my throat. I needed this.

Although the noises of the inn sound muffled through the walls, the silence is slightly overwhelming. Being used to Jaskier’s voice proves bothersome when presented with its absence. With his absence in general. Even with Geralt’s absence despite his usual silence.

It is the first time in nearly a week that I am actually completely left alone. No matter how much I appreciate their company, it now allows me to breathe and think more clearly. The decision at the back of my mind arises with the reflective mood I am currently in. As I absently scrub my arms with soap, I consider the possibilities.

Returning home is obviously not one of them. I am forced to move on one way or another, but there are many ways to do so. Rinde seems as good place as any. The important question is… alone or with them? This newfound quietness and tranquility is comforting, yet I am unsure that I would grow used to it, that it wouldn't turn into a curse soon. After I lost Kader, Hana was always by my side. I hadn’t been truly alone in my life, and neither did I want to. Moments of isolation? Of course. A lifetime of loneliness? Absolutely not.

I wince when the bar of soap presses against a superficial wound that I had forgotten about. On the outside face of my arm, the cut I earned on the mountains remains. It is nearly completely healed , but it will leave a small scar. Despite how harrowing those events were, my mind clings on to the positives of our endeavor. The way we protect each other, Geralt’s reluctant smiles and hums of amusement, even his grunts of annoyance and glares. Jaskier, of course, is in my mind as well. The way his lively blue eyes land over me, his bright smile, his ubiquitous voice, whether singing or teasing or rambling.

The water feels slightly cold now, and so I busy myself with actually taking a bath rather than mindlessly sitting in it. Once done cleaning the remnants of dirt, blood and sweat from my skin, I move on to my hair. As my hands move automatically, I imagine how different my life would be without them. And I can’t stand how empty it would feel. Not long ago, they were completely strangers. Geralt was nothing but a witcher, a mutant I was too afraid and distrusted of due to past experiences. Jaskier was only a meddling bard who could be too talkative and annoying at times. Yet now…

I tried to pretend like I was conflicted, though there was honestly no choice to make.

_

The new clothes fit me quite well, and are definitely an improvement to my old and tattered garments, even if they are slightly too large, especially the tunic that nearly poses as a dress reaching my thighs. I have to tight my belt around it so it comfortably clings to my waist instead.

When I return to the room, Jaskier is gone. One of the three beds is occupied with saddlebags that I recognize from Roach’s mount. Geralt must have passed by, probably preparing for a witcher job or something of the sort. I notice Jaskier’s lute is nowhere to be seen just as I recognize the sound of his singing voice through the walls. Of course he’s out there singing.

Exiting the room, I walk into the common area where the music fills my ears. At that moment, he is playing a cheerful jig that has some people quite entertained. I quietly walk to a side of the establishment and lean on a column. When I pay attention to the lyrics, I cross my arms and shake my head in disapproval for the song’s childish sexual content, even if it pulls a chuckle out of me. I watch him fondly as he performs, standing on a table. He is wearing his white undershirt that suits him so well. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing his forearms as they move at the rhythm of the tune. His eyes vividly wander around the room, squeezing every ounce of excitement that his music produces in the room. They suddenly fall over me. His entire face lights up as he grins bright and winks an eye at me. I smile back before I can realize I am.

Just then, Jaskier finishes the song and lets the last note ring dramatically. A few of the people applaud and go over to leave some coins in the open case of his lute on the ground. With a theatrical bow, the bard thanks them and prepares to play another song. Quite briefly, his gaze returns to me as he strums the first chords. I laugh when I recognize it immediately and mouth the words along with him.

“When a humble bard…” We both grin at each other from opposite ends of the room. “Graced a ride along…”

People easily catch up as well, starting to loudly sing the infamous song. This is distracting enough for him to get quite into his performance, drunken in his success as everyone is soon loudly chanting along. I myself tap my foot with the catchy rhythm.

He thrust every elf

far back on the self

high up on the mountain

from whence it came

He wiped out your pest

got kicked in his chest

He’s a friend of humanity

so give him the rest

A pang of guilt suddenly stings me in the chest. My grin fades away. I had never noticed certain aspects of the song. Now they seem quite disturbing.

I understand that Jaskier wrote that song for Geralt, to rid him from his awful fame as the butcher of Blaviken. I used to believe it as well, which didn’t help me in trusting him. Now that I know him personally, though, I realize how unfair that title was despite not having witnessed the events that developed. But Jaskier’s lyrics paint the elves in a bad light, and it upsets me. The bard had only been charming, sweet and playful towards me. That side of him is now revealed to me, almost like it wasn’t there before. Faced with the truth, I lower my head and exit the inn. The contrast of the silent night is jarring.

Just as I plop down in the wooden platform outside of the building, everyone starts loudly singing the chorus. Toss a coin to your witcher, o valley of plenty… The voices are too distracting as I try to wrap my head around these astonishing contradictory feelings.

The cool night breeze is refreshing, seemingly clearing my confusing thoughts. I had everything completely wrong, didn’t I? I believed Geralt to be an emotionless mutant who only cared about coin and I realized he could be even more human than some men. I thought Jaskier was pure and untainted, but he had a darker side as well. Nonetheless, why does it bother me so much? I was just starting to see him as a friend rather than a stranger. That was just what he was now, a friend if anything at all.

I absently look out to the horizon, shaped by the buildings that stand in the way and shadow the beautiful colors of dusk as the sunlight caressing my face slowly fades away.

“There you are” His voice next to me makes me jump slightly. I didn’t realize the song was over. “What’s the matter?”

“You startled me” I mumble, surprised by my racing heart.

“Not that” He sits by my side and tilts his head to establish eye contact. “You walked away in the middle of my performance”

“Oh, that…”

“Yeah, I feel quite hurt” I reluctantly smile when he presses a hand against his chest.

“Jaskier…”

“I thought you enjoyed my songs”

“And I do”

He knocks his knee against mine, and his voice acquires a more serious tone now.

“Tell me, Nissa” I glance at him, only to find with such a tender and innocent expression that it moves me.

My doubts seem to vanish, but the song still echoes in my mind.

“When did you write the song?”

“Oh” Jaskier straightens up, proudly. “When I first met Geralt in Posada, we-“

“It’s not true” I interrupt him, knowing he might start rambling, as he does.

“Pardon me?”

“That’s not what happened with the elves”

His moment of pride vanishes as he averts his gaze. Just as I thought.

Our encounter with Yaevinn burns fresh in my mind, as I am sure it will for a long time still. And although I wasn’t there with them that other time, I know Jaskier’s song wasn’t quite truthful. Just the fact that he called the elf an ‘it’ gave me a hint. Sadly, I know why he wrote it like that. And he himself explains as he opens his mouth and replies.

“No…” Jaskier absently pinches the strings in his lute to avoid my gaze. “Filavandrel let us go, just like that”

"Then ‘it’ showed mercy” I shake my head, looking up at the stars that timidly shine over us. “Why did you write the song like that?"

I notice him frowning at my disappointed tone. However, he shows me a sarcastic smile and tilts his head in consideration.

"Would you have liked a song about the grief of the elves, humanizing them?"

"Yes, of course! It would have been more beautiful and more real than this lie"

"Well, you're not like everyone else, Nissa"

I stare at him, properly seeing this darker side of him. During all this time I had only known the gentle Jaskier, the kind man that comforted me when I lost everything, who did his best to make me smile, or fluster me with his flirting and teasing. It wasn’t until I heard his famous song again that I realized about his cunningness.

“How do you know so much about elves, in any case? Beyond… you know”

“My brother told me, he was well traveled”

“He must have been insufferable”

I open my mouth in outrage, but his playful smirk lets me know he’s not being entirely serious. Acknowledging his attempt to lighten up the mood, I chuckle.

“He could be at times” I nudge Jaskier, elbowing him in the ribs. “But then again, so are you”

The bard winces, pushing a hand against his chest in heartache. I laugh again, and he can’t help but to smile at the sound.

“There is more to life than fame and fortune”

“Oh, is there now?”

“Yes, do you realize that?”

“I’m starting to, my dear Nissa” Jaskiers reaches out to push my long dark hair behind my ear. I become flustered. Even if the gesture is quite chaste, against all odds, it makes me shiver. I watch him expectantly, waiting for him to do something else. To say something cheeky or do something cocky. Soon enough, he does, yet not in the way I imagined. “You look prettier”

“Prettier?”

“Don’t get me wrong, you’re always pretty” He smiles, nearly bashfully. “But now, under the moonlight... you are absolutely glowing”

The compliment is genuine, devoid of any of his usual flirtatious tone. To further baffle me, Jaskier averts his gaze as though he doesn’t deem himself worthy of contemplating such beauty.

I look at his hand placed between the two of us. My fingers move, considering resting against his. However, Jaskier suddenly stands up.

“Ah, Geralt” He mutters, causing me to look up and forget about it completely.

The witcher has indeed returned. He gives us a side glance as all signs that he recognizes our presence. Then, tightly pursing his lips, he moves on to where Roach patiently waits outside the inn. He picks something up from the saddle and saves it in his pocket.

“What is it?” Jaskier asks, hovering behind him. Geralt sternly pulls at Roach.

“It’s not an ordinary vampire” I frown in confusion until I remember he’s returning from a witcher job. “It’s a bruxa”

“A what now?”

“A bruxa, Jaskier. They are very powerful vampires”

He blinks repeatedly, watching me in awe. When he quickly turns to Geralt, however, the smile that nearly reached his mouth vanishes. I understand why, as I wasn’t used to seeing that intensity in his golden eyes either.

“Huh… Watch out, Geralt, Nissa here might steal your job”

The bard’s attempt to lighten the mood fails miserably as the witcher ignores it. He moves with adamant determination, and we quietly follow behind him. I take Pal with us too. To our surprise, the witcher doesn’t oppose.

_

The outskirts of Rinde are isolated and eerie. Only a few lonely trees fill the vast wasteland around us. The ground under our boots is soft, covered in green moss and dark brown soil. The temperature drops the more we distance ourselves from the city.

Although Geralt has now voiced his annoyance with us following after him, we make a strong case saying we are a team and have his back... despite the fact that neither Jaskier nor I are as skilled as a witcher, or even as a warrior, especially in the bard’s case. None of that matters, at least three pair of eyes see better than two or one.

I jolt up and cling on to Jaskier’s arm when an unnatural sound floats around us. No matter how embarrassed I am by my gesture, he seems to reciprocate. Seeking my comfort as well, his hands seeks my own.

“W-What…” He gulps, squeezing my hand tight. “What, uh… What the hell… Was that the…?”

“Yes” The witcher dryly says, taking ahold of his silver sword. It glistens with some sort of oil. “Stay here”

We are more than happy to follow his instructions, but as soon as he takes one step, they are rendered useless. We aren’t any safer staying here.

A man runs our direction, waving his arms and calling for help. His attacker soon appears amongst the darkness of the night, lunging at him. It is a pale creature, looking as though it tried to resemble a woman with dark hair but failed miserably. If that was an actual woman, she would be deadly ill and deranged.

Geralt yells and wildly swings his sword, but it’s too late. The bruxa is already feeding on that poor bastard, devouring him alive with visceral hunger. The witcher cusses loudly. Feeling light-headed at the sight, I turn my head in the other direction. My stomach turns and I feel sick. There’s so much blood. Jaskier has the exact same reaction as we both face our backs to the cruel violence. Our palms urgently press together. The man’s screams only worsen our state. The metallic sound of Geralt’s sword slaying the bruxa’s flesh is just as harrowing. A deafening screeching noise follows. The three of us groan in unison, gritting our teeth as the shriek resonates in our very bones. I stick to Jaskier’s side, clutching his hand as I wait for it to end. Two thuds distract us from the unsettling feeling that has nestled within us. The sound has fortunately stopped.

“Fuck!” The gruff voice says not far from us. The both of us run to the witcher just as he collapses on the ground. Our hands drift.

“Geralt!” The creature has bitten through his thick leather pauldrons, and his black clothes are now stained with crimson blood. I grimace when I notice a good part of his neck skin is missing, revealing even more blood. My eyes then move to the figures on the ground.

The poor man is now dead, lying motionless on the ground. Blood covers his corpse, and his skin has brutally been ripped out in several places. The bruxa, although managing to injure Geralt before being slayed, now lies dead as well. The sight is absolutely ghastly.

I tremble slightly while Jaskier tries to pull the witcher to his feet. I am about to do move to help when I hear that hissing sound once more. The bruxa is still alive. It has killed a man. It has hurt my friend. Suddenly I am filled with anger and move on an instinct as I shout and pull out my dagger. The creature hisses defiantly when I face it.

“Nissa, no!” An urgent tug at my wrist sends me stumbling backwards.

As I recover my balance, the witcher sends one of his magical signs to the bruxa, that goes flying backwards and away from us.

“Get to the horses” Geralt brushes Jaskier’s hand off his arm. “I’ll be there in a moment”

“But-“ I stupidly mutter, eyes darting from him to where the creature disappeared from.

“Now!” It is thanks to his command that Jaskier pulls at me to do as we were asked.

“We need to get him some bandages” He reminds me, still tugging at me. “Nissa?”

Nodding my head, I realize he is right. Even if he says it in a desperate attempt to divert my attention from the deathly peril the witcher is currently in, I resign myself to go with Jaskier and reunite with the horses.

My bones seem to bounce with how violently I am stepping as I run. My heart beats in my throat. When we finally reach Pal and Roach not far from us, I hurry to search the saddlebag. Pal stirs, perhaps sensing my restlessness. I cling on to the bandages as soon as I find them.

“You have been traveling with him for a while” I mutter to Jaskier as my fingers struggle to fasten the bag closed. “How do you not have a nervous breakdown worrying about him?”

“Sometimes I’m just in as precarious situation as he is, to be honest” He chuckles, leaning a hand on the saddle. It is shaking lightly.

“That’s not funny” I glare at him, playing with the gauzes in my hands.

“You usually laugh at my jokes…” Jaskier defends himself, shrugging one shoulder.

“Not when… when... Melitele, that was… so violent…” I gulp, scrunching the fabric I hold. “And Geralt…”

My friend stands before me, resting his hands over mine so I stop tightening them more and more. My knuckles have turned white from how much force I inflict upon those bandages.

“He will be alright”

There is a tired yet uplifting look in his eyes when they lock with mine. I heave a trembling sigh, glancing down to his fingers over mine. They are warm and comforting no matter how lightly they lean against my skin.

The both of us look behind Jaskier when a figure makes his way closer to us. Geralt drags his feet over the ground as well as his sword. His free hand is putting pressure on the wound and his jaw is tightly clenched. Once again, I forsake the comfort Jaskier provided me with and run to the witcher.

“Are you alright?” I anxiously ask him as I stop before him.

“Never better” He sarcastically grins at me.

“Don’t give me that, Geralt” Making sure not to touch his wound, I push down on his shoulders to save the height difference.

The witcher grunts in annoyance despite letting me move his hand away. I exhale in anguish when I closely look at the wound. Forgetting about the nasty sight, I fold some of the bandages and push them against his tore skin. He grunts again.

“At least Nissa makes a good medic” Jaskier hesitantly watches over my shoulder. I don’t pay attention to him in favor of the injured witcher.

Using the remaining bandages, I wrap them around the folded ones and tightly tie them over his shoulder blade to keep them in place. That should hopefully stop the bleeding.

Not waiting for my blessing, Geralt then walks past me and closer to Roach. He doesn’t speak to address what happened. He seems eager to leave. He doesn’t speak at all.

_

Geralt hasn’t said a word. Something tells me that man wasn’t the only victim he witnessed at the hands of the vampire. That explains the gloom expression he bore when he quickly returned to the inn for supplies.

“I… Geralt…” Jaskier tries. His voice quivers as he closely watches his friend.

“Fuck off” He replies, not bothering to glance at us. There is anger in his voice as well as in the way his hand aggressively pushes against the wound on his neck.

Jaskier and I exchange a concerned look in response to his stubbornness. Geralt drags himself to the room, with us closely behind.

“You need to talk to us, back there…” When we reach the door, he quickly turns to us. That is enough to silence me, given the dangerous glint in his eye.

I freeze as I hold his gaze. He doesn’t say anything else, only stomps into the room. Trying to follow after him in order to comfort him for his certain distress, I take a step. Jaskier pulls at my arm just in time to avoid me getting hit with the door as Geralt slams it closed.

“We should leave him alone” Jaskier speaks next to me, voice gloom. “Give him a moment…”

“No, he’s clearly upset!” I turn to Jaskier, who sighs. His brow is furrowed in worry.

“Trust me, Nissa” Slightly defeated, he lets go of my arm. His gaze drops, even if he briefly lifts it back up in hesitance. “It’s best if we give him some space”

I feel too restless to do nothing, so I reach out for the doorknob. Jaskier is quick to hold my wrist before I can turn it.

“I just told you-”

“I’m talking to him”

He shakes his head, pursing his lips tightly.

“That’s not a good idea, love” Jaskier gently tugs at my hand, but I am not convinced. “You haven’t seen him when he gets like this”

“Well, I’m going to” Giving up to my stubbornness, he lets go of my hand with an exasperated flourish and gestures for me to be his guest and give it a try. I pause to take a deep breath.

I knock on the door and wait, earning no answer. At least that’s better than being yelled at again. Jaskier and I exchange a glance, and he nods encouragingly at me. Cautiously opening the door and peeking inside, I find Geralt facing his back to me as he sits on the bed.

“Do you mind if I come in?” I utter timidly, but he doesn’t move.

Hoping I’m not tempting fate, I step inside and close the door behind me. Jaskier is already walking away, resigned to patiently wait for me while I try and talk to the witcher. The room sinks into silence when the commotion of the tavern is muffled by the walls. I open my mouth, only to close it again. Words rarely escape me, but I am timorous of saying the wrong thing.

“You don’t have to, but…” I believe that’s a good start when he lightly turns to me. “But I’m here if you want to talk”

He is clutching his shoulder dripping with blood, forcefully pressing the bandages against his wound to stop the bleeding. My words make him frown thoughtfully.

“I know I can’t save everyone” Geralt speaks in a monotonous voice, still not facing me.

He did speak, however. A feeling tells me I’m on the right track, so I try to say something more. Nonetheless, I dare not to walk closer.

“I’m not Jaskier, I know when to shut up” I joke, smiling at him, but he only dips his head.

Geralt might not be the bubbliest person, but I know in other circumstances he might have hummed in amusement to my silly little comment. Instead of holding it against him, however, I lean on the door behind me, resting my hands between it and my back. I am willing to stand there in silence for as long as he needs to. All night if necessary. Even if he didn’t say a word after that. I just refuse to leave him alone. Unless he asks me to.

“There were more people there” To my shock, he speaks again. “Many more”

I hope I manage to conceal my surprise when we lock eyes. Geralt is clenching his jaw in annoyance, but for the first time I can read the genuine emotion and regret in his eyes. He is unwilling to voice the effect it had on him, though he does not need to. He doesn’t have to keep speaking for me to understand how much it weighs on him. However, he continues to talk. And I listen in silence.

“I wasn’t fast enough” He tightens his fists. His voice sounds deeper than usual, if that’s possible. There is a certain pain in it that makes it sounds hoarse and broken. “When I got there, the bruxa was already shredding them to pieces”

I grimace at the mental picture, furthermore when the images of what I witnessed vividly return to me. However, I remain faithful to my purpose here.

“You did what you could, Geralt” I watch him intently, but he averts his gaze. “It was not your fault, you… you did your absolute best”

The witcher doesn’t reply, and quits glancing in my general direction from the corner of his eye. Seeing that my words aren’t quite having the desired effect, I slowly approach him. He doesn’t complain about it, so I sit by his side, although not extremely close. I want to leave him a bit of space. The witcher doesn’t move nor respond. For a moment, we sit there in complete quietness. I hope my presence at least proves comforting to him if only by my moral support.

The door suddenly swings open with a creek, and I look to see Jaskier. Geralt doesn’t turn. The bard interrogates me with his gaze, so I nod. Understanding what I mean, Jaskier walks in. Before he can accidentally ruin all progress, I shove a finger against my lips. Obedient, he resigns himself to stand there quietly and leave it to me.

Geralt briefly sighs, looking away from both of us. I glance over my shoulder to Jaskier, who frowns slightly when we lock eyes. He nods encouragingly and I continue speaking.

“They may not realize it, but the world needs people like you” I cautiously reach out to rub his arm, but he pulls away. A soft yet deeply sarcastic chuckle leaves his lips.

“You are too kind, Nissa...” At least he’s saying something now. “I thought people needed me too”

“I-I don’t mean witchers” I correct myself, realizing my thoughts didn’t quite come through as I intended. “I meant good men, like you. Someone kind and strong capable of protecting them, not only from the creatures that witchers hunt”

“I’m not a human” He insists, seemingly sunken into a pessimistic state that will be hard to pull him out of.

“Well, still-“

“I appreciate the sentiment” His golden eyes seem darker than usual as he looks at me. “But what you’re saying is not true”

“It is to me” I timidly shrug to show him I’m being genuine, I truly believe what I’m telling him.

“To me too, Geralt” Jaskier slowly nods his head, trying to convey how honest he’s being.

I look at Geralt and catch a glimpse of the beginning of a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his mouth in the end.

“I… You better cheer up, grumpy” I pat his shoulder, also giving it a gentle squeeze to let him know that, while I am joking, I do mean my words. “Or else I will have to put up with Jaskier tonight on my own”

A proper smile, no matter how small, finally reaches his lips. Geralt nods his head in acknowledgement. Quietly, yet he does.

“Hang on a minute” Jaskier catches up to what I’m trying to do and joins in. “You are not ‘putting up with me’, alright? You are being blessed with my charming presence”

“Yeah” I wrinkle my nose at him. “Of course we are”

Jaskier purses his lips trying not to smile. A glint appears in his eye. Geralt only grunts. He is slowly returning to being himself.

“Now” I face Geralt once more, slowly approaching him to ensure it won’t bother him. “Let me take a look at that wound before you bleed to death”

He doesn’t complain when I stand before him, so I reach out for his wound. I gulp when I see the blood, and my hands are shaking slightly. No matter how many times I have watched Shani do this in Vizima, I haven’t treated anyone myself.

“Since when are you a medic, Nissa?” Jaskier sits down in the other bed, in front of Geralt.

“I’m not” I grimace as I watch the worrisome wound that won’t stop bleeding. “But I knew someone in Vizima who was”

I ask Jaskier to fetch me the satchel and he quickly does, returning to his spot in the bed after handing it to me. I gather some alcohol and bandages from it and return to putting pressure over the wound, waiting for it to quit bleeding.

“I often went to visit her and learned a few things about treating wounds” I continue in the hopes that my story is distracting Geralt. “Hana didn’t like that I spent so long around sick or injured people, though”

Their eyes are on me, which rattles me a bit. I try to focus on his shoulder instead. It is a hard task, as I hear the bard offering Geralt to squeeze his hand if he’s in pain. It is quite distracting when he chuckles as well, but groans when the witcher slaps his outstretched hand away.

When the wound finally stops bleeding thanks to my efforts, I drench the clean side of the fabric in alcohol and gingerly press it against Geralt’s shoulder. He groans but doesn’t flinch.

“Since you’re keeping me alive” He says, looking up at me. “I’ll share my coin with you”

“You’re keeping you alive, Geralt” I shake my head at him. “I’m only patching you up in any poor way that I can”

“I wasn’t asking, Nissa”

“Does that make me the group’s unofficial medic?”

“Yes” The witcher smirks. “Though you might treat Jaskier more often than me”

“Oi!” The aforesaid complains, pointing a finger at him in vexation.

Geralt rolls his eyes, and I have to grin while I continue my cares. I am suddenly enveloped by a feeling of warmth. I have seen the light and dark side of them, of their company and their endeavor. And with it all, I am certain that I have made the right decision.

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A ramble on Dallas Theater Center Les Miserables

So, 5 years late, I jumped back on the bandwagon and finally watched a bootleg of Dallas Theater Center’s 2014 production of Les Miserables.

And wow. I can’t believe I waited 5 damn years to watch it. So here’s a long rambling write up on it based on the live-tweeting I was doing as I watched (and a little bit on me skipping through the bootleg video right now). It’s partly just me summarizing scenes so I can nerd out about the little details I loved and towards the end me talking about the show as a whole and why it was so fucking important.

First of all I wanna say that I'm surprised it took this long for a professional theater company to do a "modern day" Les Mis. I know all the fans fucking love their Modern AUs fics, I've been reading them since like 2012 and I love them. But also I'm SO glad someone finally did it because Les Miserables' themes are universal and they are amazing but they're also really relevant to what's going on today, or 5 years ago (since it's only gotten fucking worse tbh).

My first big impression was how great the costuming was. You can tell the socioeconomic class of the characters just from what they’re wearing, from how they posture and interact with others. Which is easy when it’s period costuming, you just make everyone look dirty and ripped up vs not dirty, but this (aside from the Thenardiers) is a little more subtle.

Also re: the costuming, I absolutely LOVE that they modernized Javert’s costume into a cop’s uniform but managed to retain the classic Javert Silhouette by giving him that trenchcoat, so we still get the expected Inspector Javert Silhouette despite the fact that he’s a modern day cop. Also all of the other cops/soldiers being straight up SWAT was an excellent decision, not only because it shows the sheer violence of a police that isn’t supposed to necessarily be SWAT, but also because the helmets completely cover their heads, so when the soldiers sing lines, they don’t even sound human. Yet another layer.

Nehal Joshi as Valjean was great. Honestly the moment I keep thinking about is actually from the very beginning, just after Valjean is released. Joshi looks so happy, delighted, like his heart is light again. He smiles as he sings “ Drink from the pool / How clean the taste” while looking up into the sky like he’s amazed at being in the open air. Then suddenly his posture changes completely, becomes guarded and hard, his expression gets closed off, and he sings “Never forget the years, the waste” before thumbing at his nose in that tough way and grabbing his bag off the ground. It was an emphasis on a pair of lines that I’ve never seen properly emphasized before. Usually the emphasis is on the next lines, when Valjean is saying “Now let’s see / what this new world has in store for me”. But here they emphasize that despite being free, he has traumas he has to deal with, and experiences that mean he’s wary of the world. It makes his theft of the silver make a lot more sense; it’s not just opportunistic, it’s also that he straight up doesn’t trust anybody.

(Another note on costumes: Valjean’s post-prison costume is his orange jumpsuit with this weird ratty, torn up sweater thing over it. I do very much wish they’d given him a hoodie that was equally as ratty instead of a sweater because I feel like that would’ve been another interesting layer of commentary.)

Two notes I made specifically about this production’s Soliloquy: This production had Valjean rip his prison papers accidentally, while he’s in the middle of an emotional gesture, then he stares at the rip in disbelief, and comes to the realization that he could just rip it up, and so he does. I thought that was a very cool mechanic. The audience literally watches him get the idea of changing who he is. Also, when he sings “I am reaching, but I fall / And the night is closing in” he actually wraps the rope of his bag around his own neck, like he’s considering death, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. I thought it was really interesting considering those are the lines that directly mirror/parallel Javert’s Suicide.

This production also has all the Bad People roles played by white people, which is just fantastic. The foreman, Javert, all the cops, etc etc. I thought it was an excellent decision, since all of the main characters (minus the revolutionaries) are POC.

Fantine was amazing, has an incredible voice, and her I Dreamed A Dream sounded genuinely miserable, almost frantic with the fact that not only is she a single mother struggling to pay for her child who’s living with some other family, she now has nowhere to turn for money at all, and she’s completely alone. I think she’s my favorite Fantine of any of the ones I saw.

And Lovely Ladies absolutely blew me away. This was the first Lovely Ladies I’ve ever seen that felt Real. Not just that there was sex going on (because there was, there’s people fucking and getting blowjobs etc in the background the entire time), but it doesn’t feel like something silly or shallow. The entire thing feels desperate and exploitative and miserable and painful. Most of the other characters are dressed in provocative, revealing clothes. But there are a few in just jeans and t-shirts, looking desperate and kind of bedraggled. And then you have Fantine, who is literally just in a slip and long socks, looking out of place and terrified.

The usual Lovely Ladies shenanigans do ensue, but there’s a tinge of horribleness to it that is sharper than in the traditional show. In the traditional show, the moment where the music suddenly slows, and all the women sing “Lovely ladies / Going for a song / Got a lot of callers / But they never stay for long”, it usually feels like kind of a weird and unprompted moment of introspection after so much ruckus, but in this version the reason everyone slows down is because the pimp plucks their cash out of each of their hands one by one. And then the horribleness is increased tenfold because all of the women are in a line with men behind them simulating sex, and Fantine is in the center, bent double, the Captain behind her, staring down the audience. With each thrust she grits her words out like she’s in pain in every way imaginable. And the Captain ‘finishes’ just as she hits the line “dead!” Which is just. A lot. But so good. It packs so much more of a punch than Fantine leading the Captain offstage, or to one side of the stage.

The way that Confrontation was staged was also so cool to me. In the shows I’ve seen the first part of Confrontation is Javert and Valjean facing off with Javert stage left and Valjean kind of up beside Fantine’s bed, but they’re on the same “level,” in that Valjean walks a few paces forward a few lines later and they grapple. In this version, they stood quite literally on either side of Fantine’s hospital bed, so that they’re arguing across her dead body.

Madame Thenardier made me think of a bizarre cross between Miss Hannigan, the mom from Matilda, and Patsy Stone from Absolutely Fabulous. She did a great job. M Thenardier is a douchey hipster pirate type guy with white guy dreads. Also they made him an ex-con as well, but he displays the numbers tattooed on his chest with pride compared to Valjean who hides them, which was yet another interesting decision.

This version of Les Mis has taught me that “My mom doesn’t let me drink” is the absolute BEST piece of spoken dialogue you could throw in before Master Of The House kicks the fuck off. 

Also this version has Eponine participating in the scams during Master Of The House: she takes peoples’ orders, carries plates, dances, etc. She’s cleaner and more pampered than Cosette, but she’s still being used.

Look Down was really interesting to me. Now, I think what I’m about to say is partly informed by costuming. That is, I think with period costuming an audience has a harder time distinguishing more subtle roles between (non-main) characters. What I mean is, in traditional Look Down, it just seems like three characters having an argument with each other, but with a modernized version the costuming makes it clear that it’s an old beggar woman, a prostitute, and her pimp. While that’s obvious from the actual dialogue, the period costuming makes it a little harder to glean the separate character types other than “beggar type”. Anyway, the roles being clearer via costuming makes all the interactions seem a lot more Real. It’s not just people all dressed alike singing lines at each other, it’s actual separate people having actual conflicts.

Also, I really really liked Mark Hancock as Gavroche. He’s older, or at least bigger, than most kids who end up playing Gavroche, and he’s not the most beautiful singer, but I think that works all the better for a production like this one. He’s not a cutesy Oliver Twist-type character. He’s a kid living rough on the streets, and he’s got a sense of humor but he is a badass.

This version also had a LOT more flirtatious behavior between Marius and Cosette. Like it’s not just one glance on the street. During The Robbery, Marius and Cosette are giving little glances and flirty waves the whole time, all shy and cute, little hand signals like “I want to talk to you oh my god” etc. Also this Cosette has glasses! She’s so cute!

Stars as a song feels very weird when it’s a Modern Day Cop singing about such a philosophical topic, and at first I was kinda ??? about it. Because you know, in a period piece, you kind of expect more elaborate language, you expect certain types of morality, etc. It sounds weird coming out of someone dressed like a pig you’d see on the street in real life. But then at the end of the song Javert takes a rosary out of his breast pocket to sing “Lord let me find him...” etc, and suddenly it actually made a lot of sense. It finally connected the religious references and morality displayed in the lyrics. Because a lot of shitty cops in real life are masquerading as Christians, so again, a good decision.

Ah, the ABC Cafe. Always lovely to hear those horns. John Campione was AMAZING as Enjolras. At first I was a little disappointed they made him a white guy, but then I thought about it and it actually makes a lot of sense. Despite his passion about justice etc, Brick Enjolras is a wealthy student; what better way to show his privilege in a modern setting than to have him be white? Anyway, I think Campione did a great job of portraying a leader who is so passionate, and so dedicated, and so intent on his cause but also kind of stressed out as the day draws nearer. (More on that later.)

Similarly, this Grantaire is a little shit. He does this hilarious like “call on me!” hand raise before “I am agog, I am aghast” which I thought was quite funny and cute. Also after “It’s better than an opera,” the Amis all laugh and clap, and Enjolras does this extremely sarcastic slow clapping before admonishing Marius with “It is time for us all to decide who we are” etc. Also Grantaire and Enjolras are actually standing beside each other for Marius lines, so that when he says “struck to the bone in a moment of breathless delight,” Grantaire looks directly at Enjolras and stays staring at him, so that when he moves downstage to stand across from Marius and sing “Red!” and “Black!” at him, it feels more like solidarity than mocking.

But then Enjolras pulls Marius further downstage for his “Marius you are no longer a child” etc lines. His body language is great here. When he sings “Who cares about your lonely soul,” he doesn’t just look like some charismatic leader man. He looks like someone who’s stressed out and a little annoyed/exasperated that this person is causing a distraction right when things are started to get important. He runs his hands through his hair, his gestures are clipped and fast, like he’s got too much energy and isn’t quite sure where to put it. It’s so good. He sings “Our little lives don’t count at all.” And then there’s a long, long moment of silence. A long one, where Marius looks around at his friends and realization that what they’re undertaking is much bigger than his emotional outburst, that Enjolras is right and he has to be with them instead of off in the clouds. And he raises his hand tentatively and then more surely towards Enjolras and sings that next “Red! The blood of angry men!” all on his own before the rest of the Amis join in. GREAT decisions there. SO COOL. (Also this is the moment when an Amis Hand Sign is established, which is important later on.)

This show uses silence in a way that I’ve never really seen another version do it. After Gavroche yells “General Lamarque is dead!” there’s usually a beat of silence before Enjolras begins to sing. In this version there is a long, long moment of silence when everyone looks around at each other, a moment where Joly tosses his pamphlet angrily onto the table and sits down with his head in his hands, a moment where Marius and Grantaire are the only two who turn away and face upstage at the news, a moment where they all process that this is fucking Real, and everything that they’ve been planning is suddenly Actually Happening. And then Enjolras begins, and his voice is so soft, and so sad, and it’s like he’s delivering a eulogy, but it’s only when he gets to “Is the sign we await!” and we get those trumpets that it changes into Enjolras The Leader, and it’s go time, and everything is Intense. Campione is fantastic as Enjolras because I think often people play Enjolras as this solid, charismatic leader who is stoney-faced and sure of himself etc. Which works for the period style (and is fairly Brick-accurate), but I think would seem a little odd in a modern day setting. This Enjolras is in it, he’s into it, he’s fucking intense and ablaze with energy. He sings Do You Hear The People Sing like he’s giving a speech, like he’s trying to convince (And “the real glory is to convince” so y’know).

And Do You Hear The People Sing as a campaigning song is brilliant. It starts out not with march, but with handing out fliers made of red paper, passing them out and getting out the word. Only then do they pull out signs and put on red caps and start marching.

In My Life/A Heart Full Of Love was so fucking hilariously cute. Marius and Cosette are both excellent levels of awkward, and there’s a lot of nonverbal flirting going on, and I just thought it was really well done.

I was told while I was live-tweeting that during One Day More the sort of dancing march they do (because it’s like a dance, instead of the in-place marching of the traditional version) is actually the Toyi-Toyi, a South African dance that was used as a form of protest during Apartheid and during other times as well. So that was a very cool addition. I’m sure there are other callbacks in this show to other protests or protest traditions like that that I didn’t even catch. The dance also reminded me of the body percussion used in A Quoi Tu Danses from 1789: Les Amants De La Bastille, so that was cool as well. We also get face paint and signs and red berets and button pins and a lot of stuff that has been seen in a lot of modern protests/movements lately.

Side note: Javert’s disguise is amazing because he retains his cop boots and trousers and crisp white shirt; he just puts a brown jacket and a red scarf over it and wears a red beret.

OKay SO. This is possibly the BEST On My Own I’ve ever seen. Now, I’m highly partial to Briana Carlson-Goodman as Eponine because the emotion in her voice is just mind-blowing. But this On My Own was so amazing. First of all, I’m amazed I’ve never seen any other production do this: when Eponine sings “pretending he’s beside me”, she puts out her hand like she’s holding some imaginary lover’s hand, like she’s genuinely imagining him walking with her, and it made her self-deception that much sadder. And this version was so good, I think because it was this perfect combination of angry and disappointed and yearning and self-deceiving. You can tell this Eponine KNOWS she’s deluding herself that Marius will ever love her, that she’s hugely disappointed and almost angry at that fact, but she still loves him and wants him and wants that love, and it just makes that self-deception all the stronger.

This version of Les Mis brings the barricade in as a flown set piece, which I think is an interesting decision. I definitely prefer the US Tour version, where the downstage scrim is backlit/lifted and both the audience and Eponine are suddenly confronted with the fully-built barricade. However, the barricade being flown in does give the Barricade Boys a moment to stand and admire their handiwork, so that’s kind of also cool.

(Somewhat unrelated, but throughout the show this Grantaire is a lot more still than other actors’ versions of R, but also more still than the other Amis in this show, so it’s clearly a choice. Other version of R are slumped over a table or slumped on the ground a lot, or they’re wobbly, or just generally restless and upset. This R is so still and just standing unmoved and blank it’s definitely a choice. Very much taking the “he seemed to be waiting there for a bullet which should spare him the trouble of waking” quote from the Brick and translating it to the stage version, in that he does move to shoot his gun but aside from that he’s so stock still it’s like he’s given up. Anyway. Back to the actual show instead of me just waxing lyrical about my favorite character.

When Eponine climbs over the barricade, Marius waves down all the guns just as Joly yells “There’s a boy climbing the barricade!” This kind of happens in other versions, but it seems like most of the traditional Les Mis versions all the Barricade Boys just kind of accept someone’s climbing the barricade and let Eponine over? In this one Marius like actually is waving down their guns, blatantly being like “don’t shoot, I know this person.”

And when Eponine is revealed to be shot, they don’t just let her die in Marius’ arms. The first half of A Little Fall Of Rain is sung with Eponine in Marius’ arms, but there’s also Feuilly there as a medic, pressing handkerchiefs to her wound, his hand on her with Marius’ hand on top of his and Eponine’s on top of them both. When Marius is saying “and you will live ‘Ponine,” medic/Feuilly shakes his head at him as if to say, ‘don’t tell her that, she’s not going to make it, I’m so sorry,’ but he still has his hand on her wound. It’s only when she sings “Just hold me now, and let it be” that Eponine pushes the medic/Feuilly away so she can die just with Marius. I really, really, really loved that because it seems so Right. Like, they’re fighting for a better world, they’re not just going to let an injured person die, they’re going to try their best to help her even if she’s dying and there’s nothing they can do. And I really liked that there was a medic there, but he was faced upstage, away from the audience, as if he was trying to help but also not intrude on this private moment. But when Eponine does push him away, he goes fairly easily, like he’s realized that she’s realized that she’s going to die. Also, instead of carrying Eponine offstage like a ragdoll, Grantaire and Feuilly bring over a stretcher and she’s carried off in it by Marius and Feuilly while Grantaire collects the handkerchiefs that were bloodied by her wound.

Valjean’s soldier disguise is the SWAT gear, even the helmet, although he mostly carries it in his hand rather than wearing it. It’s interesting because the difference between the SWAT gear and the suits he wears as Fauchelevent are a hugely stark difference, whereas the difference between his nice period clothes and the soldier’s period uniform isn’t quite so intense.

I noticed that during Drink With Me, Joly put his hand on Grantaire’s shoulder during “Let the wine of friendship never run dry,” which is sweet. I also noticed that aside from the moments where he was shooting his gun and the few moments he was being helpful re: Eponine’s death, Grantaire spends most of his time very very still, staring down at the floor with his shoulders slumped. He judges moments with just a shake of the head and turning away while others watch. His part in Drink With Me is sung with a bitterness that is more final than it is angry, like he can’t understand why they’ve all chosen to sacrifice themselves like this and he hates it and he’s bitter that all his friends are going to die but he’s realized there’s nothing he can do about it.

Bring Him Home is SUCH a hard song to sing and it’s actually really interesting in this version, I think. Because in traditional shows I think Valjean is played as a fairly calm person who is just always calm. Joshi plays his Valjean like he has taught himself to be calm, but inside he’s still kind of angry and traumatized and still has those instincts and still doesn’t quite know whether to believe in god or not, or something like that. So Bring Him Home is a moment where it seems like at first he’s just hoping, and then by the end of the song he’s genuinely imploring god to save Marius. Like it’s the first time he’s ever really begged a higher power to do something instead of just acting of his own power to make the good happen. I have no idea if I’m articulating myself well.

Again, Campione is a FANTASTIC Enjolras who plays him like a stressed out passionate leader who is constantly stuck between This Is Finally Real Hooray and Holy Shit This Is Too Fucking Real Oh God. In The Second Attack he portrays it really well, looking around at all the people he suddenly feels responsible for, body language like he’s trying to make too many split-second decisions. It’s just really good.

Death Of Gavroche is also great because even though this Gavroche is not the best singer, he gets shot once and keeps reaching for the bullets, and only stops when they riddle him with bullets. Also, I didn’t realize this until skipping around in the video to write this, but I think they kind of tried to retain some of the Gavroche-Grantaire relationship that the US Tour established? Grantaire goes from being kinda listless stage left to bolting over to the barricade once Gavroche starts climbing, reaching for him desperately; he gets shot in the leg and goes down and spends the rest of Gavroche’s lines up to his death with his head in his hands. Once Gavroche dies, Enjolras actually checks on Grantaire and wraps a tourniquet around his leg while Feuilly and Marius tend to Gavroche’s body.

Marius gets a thigh injury during The Final Battle (we know this because this production shows Actual Blood! Gavroche is actually bleeding! Eponine, too! And Marius! And Enjolras! Like there’s actual red and it makes it so much more intense! Anyway, Marius gets a bullet to the thigh, which frankly I think makes a lot more sense than the shoulder injury he gets in canon at least in terms of him being unconscious for so long (although I guess in canon he also has at least one head injury so meh). Anyway, Valjean sees it and immediately tourniquets him as one by one all the revolutionaries are picked off by bullets.

This Enjolras death is my favorite I’ve ever seen. We don’t get a permets-tu scene, but that’s okay because this is fantastic in another way. Enjolras doesn’t die on the barricade.

Enjolras is standing center stage, the bodies of his friends around him. He’s shot once, in the stomach, and goes down on all fours. As he’s on the floor, SWAT cops surround him, pointing machine guns straight at him. Enjolras struggles up, standing, and faces the cops and the audience. He raises his hand in a defiant fist to the air and is shot in the head.

Then there is a long, long stretch of silence. Quite literally an entire minute (I just counted) of silence, where there is no music, no speaking, nothing. Just the sounds of SWAT walking around, checking the bodies on the floor, and the indistinct sound of walky-talky chatter. Only after a whole minute of silence has passed and the SWAT leave the stage do the little plucked notes and the clarinet playing the Bring Him Home instrumental begin as Valjean stands up.

Valjean actually goes over and checks Enjolras’ pulse to see if he could possibly be alive, which I think hurts A Lot. And then there’s a moment where he looks around at all the bodies on the floor and kind of doubles over in shock, but only for a moment, and then he’s bolting back over to Marius to make sure he’s still breathing and then heaving him up into his arms.

(By the way, the bodies of the revolutionaries remain onstage through all of the proceeding songs.)

Dog Eat Dog is a boring, crap song in every production, and this one is no exception. The guy playing Thenardier is quite good but there’s really no way to redeem how boring a song Dog Eat Dog is. Also, this version cuts out the long instrumental part of Valjean walking with Marius through the sewer due to the fact that they don’t have that crazy projection thing. Instead it’s just a few seconds of him dragging Marius before encountering Thenardier and then also a few seconds before encountering Javert. Also, Valjean straight up puts his chest against Javert’s gun while he’s asking to save Marius’ life. Brave as fuck.

Okay this Javert’s Suicide was mostly really really good. Edward Watts gives Javert this sort of frantic emotion that Valjean spared him on the barricade and then is only asking to save this stranger. He looks genuinely freaked out and distressed. It’s not just confusion, it’s like actual Freaking Out. The only part I didn’t like was the actual throwing himself off the bridge part, but honestly I feel like there really is no way to do that part in a way that isn’t a little ridiculous-seeming. It’s hard to have a show where they never had any sort of fly rigs or any special types of practical effects at all and then suddenly there’s a guy flying through the air? and take that seriously. I dunno. But in any case, the rest of it is really good because the frantic confusion and questioning and anger and sadness and everything is so well done. Also, he takes his cross out of his pocket and drops it on the ground before he jumps, like he believes even god has failed him.

And then the lights return and the bodies of the revolutionaries are still onstage, with police tape cordoning them off. Turning begins with women in black mourning clothes coming onstage: at first they stand behind the tape with candles and flowers and teddy bears, then someone breaks the tape and they move to sit beside the bodies and set flowers down beside them. As Turning is going on, as the women move to sit beside the bodies, Marius also enters and sits in a chair upstage.

So Empty Chairs At Empty Tables happens with the bodies of the revolutionaries lying on the floor right in front of Marius, and women in black kneeling beside the bodies, facing upstage. But as Marius sings “Phantom faces at the window, phantom shadows on the floor,” the revolutionaries rise and move downstage, looking at him. They all make their little group hand sign before exiting, until it’s just Enjolras looking at him, then he makes the sign as well and exits and Marius is left alone with the mourning women in front of him and his hand raised in farewell. It’s just SO GOOD because I think it makes it all the more real. It feels like he’s actually singing to the bodies of his friends as well as their memories, like he’s full of survivor’s guilt and he’s watching them walk away from him and doesn’t know what to do. Combining the Turning Women’s mourning with Marius’ mourning is really cool, because it shows it’s really not just Marius that’s affected by this, and essentially he’s singing Empty Chairs for himself as well as the women in mourning kneeling on the stage before him.

Side note: Dorcas Leung, who plays Cosette, is a True Fucking Soprano. Her voice is SO high. It’s wild. Like, really wild. Like, glass-breaking high but in a good way. Also she’s really cute.

Anyway, the next thing I took note of was Valjean telling Marius why he was leaving without telling Cosette goodbye. He sings “Promise me, Monsieur, Cosette will never know” and puts his hand out in a way that’s partially imploring, and partially asking for a handshake on the promise. Marius says “For the sake of Cosette, it must be so,” but pointedly does not shake his hand. He’s going to honor the promise but he’s not gonna fucking like it.

Wedding Chorale/Beggars At The Feast is mostly unremarkable except that Mme Thenardier is dressed like Cruella de Ville. Oh, and Thenardier gets a kick in the balls instead of a punch to the face from Marius. Also the actor who played Combeferre and the actor who played Bossuet are dancing together so during Beggars At The Feast when Thenardier sings “This one’s a queer, but what can you do?”, the Combeferre actor does a little wave.

I’ve always hated in the musical that Valjean goes from being perfectly healthy to straight up dying in a matter of minutes but I also understand that montages of like a year are hard to do in musical format, so I forgive it but it’s still annoying.

Anyway, this Epilogue is FUCKING FANTASTIC. Valjean does this beautiful laugh of relief and amazement when Fantine tells him “And you will be with god” like he’s still amazed after all these years that he’s a Good Person Who Deserves Heaven.

Also, Fantine sits down on the bench beside Valjean, and then when Marius and Cosette enters, Cosette runs and sits down between Valjean and Fantine, facing Valjean, and there’s a moment where Fantine smiles in disbelief and strokes Cosette’s hair like “oh my god this is my daughter!”

Finally, the fucking kicker for me: “Take my hand, I’ll lead you to salvation / Take my love, for love is everlasting.” That’s always the moment in the show when I start actually crying and this one made it even sadder: Eponine is not the only one to enter in that moment. Eponine enters singing the duet with Fantine like usual, but Enjolras and Gavroche also enter, standing behind her, not singing.

This was such a great, fascinating, unique decision, and I fucking loved it. Because with that group, you have all the types of love and belief that are Important in the Brick: Fantine, the love of a mother. Valjean, the love of a father and the faith and belief that comes from someone else suddenly believing in you and the goodness that is a result of that. Marius and Cosette, romantic love, but also love of children and chosen family. Eponine, unrequited love and sacrifice. Gavroche, not necessarily love but an innocent death, a death from the goodness that comes from wanting to help. And Enjolras, the love of the people, the belief in the people, love of patria and the belief in justice. Just all of these important symbols standing together.

Then Do You Hear The People Sing reprise starts up, and the rest of the cast enter and stand at the edges of the stage around the group at center before everyone scatters out and spreads across the stage.

So basically that was an incredible fucking show. Like, okay. Since joining the Les Mis fandom in late 2011-ish or something I've read A LOT of Les Mis fanfics, I've read the entire book, seen the show live half a dozen times plus a ton of filmed boots and movie adaptations and last year's BBC miniseries. I've got a Les Mis tattoo and I'm vaguely thinking of getting another one. I've read fanfic taking place in canon era, modern day, Mai 1968, the 90s, the 40s, and on and on. All of them are important because all of them interpret the themes differently. Basically what I'm saying is I've consumed A Lot of Les Miserables.

But this version of Les Mis is So Important. Like, it's important enough I'm really surprised they didn't give in to the call for a DVD recording back in 2014.

Because the difference between like, the traditional version of the show, and reading a modern day AU fanfiction, and this Dallas show is that this Dallas show is In Front Of You. It's important because you're used to seeing this show with 19th century clothes and 19th century mannerisms so you don't necessarily connect it to today, or you do on a surface level only.

And in fanfics you can imagine it, but it's not the same.

But this show takes the music we all know and the characters we all know and places it in front of us NOW. We get Valjean in an orange jumpsuit, posturing like we've seen people posture in real life. We get Enjolras in a denim vest and button pins. We get Fantine, a woman of color, being fired for having a child out of wedlock and being accused of prostitution, and having to actually turn to prostitution. And we get a depiction that shows so viscerally how horrible that is. We get white people as cops (SWAT, no less) while POC are abused.

Suddenly this is a show that connects on every level.

And not only that but the visuals of the actual rebellion can be connected to so many movements and protests and things that have happened in recent years. Like with the Toyi-Toyi. And all the signs and pins and face paint and weapons and clothes and even to some extent the barricade.

And the cops going from soldiers with bayonets (which, to be fair, back in the day were pretty daunting weapons with their triangular blades, but we don't see them that way) to SWAT with helmets that black out their faces and semi-automatics is a a hard-hitting message.

And I've always thought it was funny that people who see the show casually think it's about Marius & Cosette's romance. Because that’s not all it’s about, of course. But this version made me really, really realize how little that romance matters in the musical. How much the musical is about Valjean, and then in tandem about the rebellion. Because place the whole "I've known you a day and I'm in love" thing in a modern setting and you realize how ridiculous it is, and how much more important Valjean's growth is, and how much more important the movement and the rebellion is. I mean the entire book is just about the Power Of Love And Belief In All Its Forms etc etc. But I think this version pointed out better than any other how many other forms of love exist in this story, besides the romance of Marius and Cosette.

But truly I think the most important thing that this show did is what I mentioned earlier: it placed the story, its themes, its characters, its rebellion, it's Love and Belief, in the Here And Now, and made it really, truly connect with its audience and the present world. This is a show that people always say is so relevant, so important, and it is. It really is. But sometimes, for a casual viewer, it’s hard to see past the period costumes and sets. And then you transplant the show into modern dress and modern sets and suddenly it’s a story that is just as believable and hard-hitting and important now as it was then. Suddenly you can connect with these characters and you can see these things happening in real life, in present day, and you can believe that it would happen.

It just blows my mind that we have all these Modern AU fanfiction pieces, that we have multiple groups of people doing Modern Les Mis Youtube interpretations, that there’s a Spanish musical out there that’s purely about Grantaire (which, god I wish there was more info on!), that there’s a ton of music and TV adaptations and yet this is the first time I’ve seen a professional company do any sort of modern interpretation of the show. And it works SO incredibly well and is SO hard-hitting and just took my breath away.

Uh so yeah such massive praise to the Dallas Theater Center for having the courage and imagination and awesomeness to finally do a modern version of this story because they knocked it out of the damn park and made an already important story even more important.

[junietuesday]

I JUST SAW THE SPONGEBOB MUSICAL AND AAAAAAAA

(October 19, 2019 show, 2:00 PM)

IT WAS LITERALLY THE MOST AWESOME THING!!!! THE CAST WAS SO SO SO INCREDIBLE, THERE WAS LITERALLY NO WEAK VOICE. I WAS GONNA START LISTING MY FAVORITES BUT IT TURNED INTO ME JUST NAMING ALL THE CHARACTERS BC THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD, I WAS SLIGHTLY WORRIED WHEN GOING IN IF THEY WERE GONNA BE AS GOOD AS THE ORIGINALS BUT HONESTLY I LOVED THIS CAST MORE. SERIOUSLY IT WAS SO AMAZING EVEN MY PARENTS, HARSH CRITICS ABOUT THEATER, HAD SO MUCH PRAISE

Act 1

When introducing Plankton they put a magnifying glass in front of the tiny puppet and had a circle in the middle of the projections to show his expressions

The story is a lot deeper than I thought it’d be, the fish blamed Sandy for the volcano bc she was a “land mammal” and kept telling her to “go back to her home” and that kind of thing, people marched around chanting “blame the squirrel! blame the squirrel!” and the actor was wearing a thing with silhouettes of people with pitchforks and torches (at the end of “Hero Is My Middle Name” she kicked a sign with those words in half, good for her)

During “Super Sea Star Savior”, Spongebob and Sandy kept waving frantically at Patrick and gesturing to him to leave but he just kept on singing, then Spongebob and Patrick had a fight afterward like

Spongebob, insultingly: you’re pink!

Patrick: you’re square! square! SQUARE! *storms off*

OH and for their team name they were like “SpongeRick or PatBob?” and I DIED bc it was like ship names i’m sure

At the beginning Karen told Plankton irritatedly “twenty years of marriage kinda takes out the passion”, then they fell more and more in love during the act until at the end when Plankton was talking about his scheme and cackling she said “I forgot how much I love it when you scheme”, and her screen had fire playing on it as she said “the end of the world adds SPICE to a relationship” and they ran offstage together

They changed a lot of the lyrics, especially at the beginnings of the songs, I was so devastated when they removed Karen’s beatboxing (so basically Plankton needed a way to convince all the fish to go in his escape pod, he said “give me some music, Karen” and she did a bunch of weird melodies and he said “no, we need something people will LISTEN to. give me a BEAT, Karen, we’ll do hip-hop” and she said “you couldn’t rap to save your life”, and Plankton went all serious and said “try me” and the song started, he had a dance break and a super fast rap in the middle I couldn’t catch the words of), then again maybe the changes were just so the story would flow on its own in the soundtrack and they’ve always been like that? idk i haven’t really been in the spongebob musical fandom

The mayor was fucking hilarious, she was like “don’t trust the media!! the government has EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL” and kept saying things like “stay calm, we’re taking steps to assemble a committee to put together a counterproposal to action” (yeah)

Pearl didn’t have her high belting in “Daddy Knows Best”, she had CRAZY AWESOME riffing instead she was so cool i love her, also before the song she was holding up two dresses (one long and one short both pink and frilly) and said “which should I wear to the Electric Skates?” and Mr. Krabs handed them both off to Spongebob, who put the short one on over his outfit by the hanger, later he pulled the skirt up to cover his eyes the whole song after Mr. Krabs told him before starting to sing “close your eyes, this isn’t for you Spongebob”

PATRICK STOOD RIGHT NEXT TO US IN THE AISLE DURING BIKINI BOTTOM DAY, I SAW ACTORS WALKING DOWN THE AISLES SO I TURNED TO SEE WHO WAS NEAR US AND I NEARLY SHRIEKED WHEN I SAW IT WAS PATRICK

During “Hero Is My Middle Name” Spongebob had to keep prompting Patrick to join in at the beginning, and then when they finally convinced Sandy, first Sandy cartwheeled to the middle, then Spongebob, then Patrick jumped with his hands in the air toward the center like he wanted to join in but didn’t know how to cartwheel

I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THE CHORUS OF “When the Going Gets Tough” MEANS IT’S “SO LET’S GO AND BEGONE” LMAOOO I CAN’T BELIEVE IT TOOK ME SO LONG

a bit after “No Control”, this old lady fish grabbed a canned drink off a cart and said “I’m gonna do all the living I didn’t do before! Carpe diem!” and gulped the drink down, and the girl running the stand stormed forward and demanded “who are you calling a carp??”

so before “When the Going Gets Tough” the mayor was asking for ideas and Patrick raised his hand and said “ooh ooh ooh!!! i have one!!! maybe if we close our eyes, nothing will happen!!!”, which was immediately shut down, later at Patrick’s rock, where he was scratching his belly button with a stick, sardines showed up and bowed and said that they heard Patrick’s plan and asked for more wisdom, he stood up and said “um. uh, my belly button itches? and then it doesn’t”, the sardines lit up and said “yes, yes, all suffering passes! more wisdom more wisdom!” and Patrick made a sweeping gesture near his face with the stick and said “life...smells...life smells...” he took a deep breath while the stick was near his nose, and made a face, and said “life smells weird”, the sardines thanked him and ran off chanting “life smells weird! life smells weird! life smells weird!”

Oh and also before “When the Going Gets Tough” Sandy tried to explain the science of the volcano, Plankton scoffed and said “you’re gonna believe this squirrel’s ‘science’? Next she’ll be telling us that tidal warming is real”

During a scene in the Krusty Crab when Spongebob was trying to have a soliloquy about how Mr. Krabs wouldn’t trust him as manager, he started to belt a note but only got like one beat in before the sea started shaking and the lights went red, he looked confused for a moment after it died down and the lights went back blue and he tried to belt again, then more tremors and the lights went red again, eventually after like 3 times of this happening he gave up and Squidward said “is this something we should be concerned about?” and Spongebob said “nahh”, then the news reporter came on and announced “THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT”

Act 2

Mt. Humongous was a bunch of cardboard boxes stacked on three frames on wheels, people moved them around onstage while Spongebob and Sandy climbed on them, it was really cool

At the top of the mountain, which was made of a ton of ladders, Spongebob was twisting himself through the rungs and hanging upside AS HE SUNG and holy shit it was so awesome

The Electric Skates told Squidward he could perform at the concert to raise funds for the escape pod if he gave them certain items—they handed over the list and it scrolled so long it rolled offstage—and when he finally got them (dropping the rolled-up list and causing the red bag to “meow”), they told him what basically amounted to “lol you’re a loser” and Squidward indignantly went “nononono no no NO i am NOT a loser”, queue the song when the Electric Skates leave

At the end Karen and Plankton walked in arguing furiously like your typical married couple, then Plankton yelled “EVIL SCHEME!!” and everyone on stage turned to him and they froze and Plankton said “did I say that too loud?” and Mr. Krabs marched up to Plankton and said super angrily “I KNEW IT!! I KNEW IT WAS AN EVIL SCHEME YOU [*dolphin noises*]”, everyone gasped and first Sandy covered Spongebob’s ears then Spongebob covered his own ears when Plankton yelled back “I’M NOT A [*dolphin noises*], YOU’RE A [*dolphin noises*]” and people were looking scandalized and Patrick was covering his eyes lol

During the finale, confetti cannons went off multiple times when all the characters were jamming out on their instruments onstage, and then people tossed these big blowup bubbles out into the audience for people to bump around (i was too far back to touch one and i saw people leaving the theater with some SO JEALOUS), and then after the bows and the Spongebob Squarepants theme song, fish went around popping confetti blowers as they walked around the aisles, i grabbed some bits

“I’m Not a Loser” was perfection live, the crowd went nuts when the sea anemone chorus line formed a kickline. but wait at the end of the song when the chorus line disappeared and his big sparkly jacket and hat were gone he went “i’m not—” and just stopped and looked around and went quietly “alone” :(

after Spongebob, Patrick, and Sandy returned to Bikini Bottom where everyone was arguing with each other, Spongebob screamed “STOP!!” to get everyone to shut up and Plankton said “you’re alive??” (bc he’d shot an avalanche machine at Mt. Humongous to kill Spongebob and Sandy), Spongebob said “yes! thank you for your concern!! Plankton is the only one here who still has decency!!”

OH and Karen came up with the plan to kill Sandy and Spongebob, she brought out the Avalanche Maker 3000, Plankton asked her where she found it and Karen said “in the cleaning supplies closet under the Tidal Wave Maker 2000, the Tornado Maker 5000, and the mop”, Plankton took a deep breath and said something like “this smells like victory...and lemon spray”

Spongebob fell down the mountain and Sandy tried to grab his hand and said “hold on! I got you!” but his arm just kept on stretching

Before “Chop to the Top”, Sandy was trying to raise Spongebob’s spirit and said “remember karate rule number one” and Spongebob said “never let the sands of time into your shorts, or they will chafe” and wiggled his hips, then Sandy said “oh right, karate rule number two then” and then started singing

At the beginning of the act, Spongebob told Gary when he woke up, “oh I had a nightmare the world was ending today at sundown and that Patrick abandoned me. which obviously could never happen” and then the news announcer went “BREAKING STORY! THE WORLD ENDS TODAY AT SUNDOWN. AND FRIENDS ARE ABANDONING FRIENDS” and Spongebob just started screaming at the top of his lungs and then the narrator went “Ten minutes later” and they projected one of the timeskip screens and then Spongebob was still screaming, then “one hour later” he was lying down on his side still screaming, then “50 years later”, and if that isn’t the biggest mood

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 10 (season finale) reaction

Finally I got this done! Sorry it took such a long time to wrap up this season, I’ve just been tired and busy over the last month. And, you know, maybe I wasn’t in a rush to say goodbye to S3 again.

Thank you for everyone who has been reading these and commenting, liking, reblogging, etc. I have gotten so many wonderfully kind remarks on these posts, and I loved hearing people’s own thoughts on their S3 viewing experience or their interpretation of the story. Not to sound overly dramatic, but it made my day to hear from you. Also, I am aware these posts are not short, lmao, so thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. 

Also want to thank @skamenglishsubs for doing the subtitled episodes and for contributing clarifications on Norwegian language!

Episode 10

Clip 1 - Minutt for minutt

This is my favorite clip in all of Skam.

O Helga Natt is breath-taking, cinematic, and spectacular. I cried buckets when I saw it the first time, but Minutt for minutt is the clip that puts tears in my eyes every single time I watch it. It is simple, honest, and kind. It’s in this clip that I truly feel like everything is going to be okay.

If O Helga Natt is a parallel scene to 21:21, its mirror in structure and symbolism, then Minutt for minutt is a parallel to Hjernen er alene. In both clips we open on Isak and Even in bed Saturday morning, and the camera doesn’t leave the bed except with the presence of an outsider to the Evak sphere (Eskild in Hjernen er alene, Sonja in Minutt for minutt). In both clips Isak’s bed is a safe zone, a place of comfort for both the boys. In Hjernen er alene we are introduced to Even’s depressive tendencies via hints; in Minutt for minutt we confront them head-on. In Hjernen er alene, Even seems to be the one doing more of the comfort-giving role, holding Isak and stroking his back as Isak talks about what lead him to move into the flat, while Isak doesn’t really understand Even’s hints at depression; In Minutt for minutt it’s Isak’s turn to take on the role of comforting and holding Even, aware of what Even is going through. In Hjernen er alene, Even asks if he can stay with Isak forever; in Minutt for minutt, Isak’s lesson learned is not to think about the future, or forever, but to take things one day at at time.

Does anyone else get chills as the piano starts over the black screen, before we even get to Isak and Even? It’s so haunting. 

The song, “Lantern” by The White Birch, is so beautiful and sets the tone of the scene perfectly. It’s gentle, like resting in bed, watching someone sleep. It’s not too forceful or overwhelmingly powerful, but calm and careful. This is one of my favorite soundtrack choices in the series.  

There’s one lyric in particular that encapsulates part of what I love about this scene:

I prayed for newborn skies / to lift me up so high 

What I think I love about this song choice, and specifically about this lyric, is that it’s not even about everything being okay, or Isak being in love with Even and standing by him. It is about hope. Praying for things to get better. Hoping they will. But it’s a prayer, not a promise. And it’s that sentiment that really moves me. Because of course Isak will be here for Even, of course Isak will try to make things right, as best as he can. But when it comes down to it, there is no guarantee that things will be okay. Everything may fall apart. What matters, what makes this scene so incredibly moving that I’m tearing up just typing about it, is having full knowledge that failure is an option, but believing it’s still worth it to try anyway. It’s worth it to keep a vigil over the person that you love as they go through the dark hours. There’s something very selfless and brave about it.

Just as an aside, I enjoyed how you saw the lighting change at various points in the clip to show the sun coming up - that makes sense with the literal passage of time, obviously, but also as a reflection of the song’s lyrics. Hoping for those newborn skies, waiting for the sun to come out. Getting through the darkness. 

We cut from the black screen to Isak in bed, facing Even, eyes open, while Even sleeps. That one image says it all. If you were wondering what happened after O Helga Natt, Isak took Even home and they went to bed and Isak watched over him. He’s determined to make sure Even is okay.

I remember people were really relieved that Even was finally getting some sleep, after dealing with insomnia all season (his manic episode, as well as “I don’t sleep cuz sleep is the cousin to death”) and then other people explained that no, it’s not really that great. It’s not just about Even getting some rest, it’s that he’s depressed so he doesn’t have the energy to do more than sleep.

Sleep is such a recurring image this season, too, something we see both Isak and Even struggle with, for different reasons. We’ve seen Isak sleep, especially when he had Even in his bed, but so far we haven’t seen Even sleep at all. I think Isak got a lot of peace at certain points when his relationship with Even seemed to be on a good path (not to mention when issues with his family and friends weren’t so fraught), but Even’s big issue has been hanging over his head all season, until this point. It makes sense we’ve never seen him asleep.

I love that they’re so still, Even because he’s asleep, obviously, but Isak is just lying there watching Even. So steadfast. Like he’s so relieved to have him back, and aware of how lucky he is, but also aware that he needs to be there for him, that the hard part isn’t over.

Similar to the hotel scene, we cut to black again, to signify the passage of time, or periods of rest (Isak closes his eyes in the first shot like he’s drifting off). But we cut back to the bed when Even rolls over, as if that startled Isak back to full consciousness.

When Even rolls over, some of his back is exposed, and Isak tries to stretch the blanket and smooth it down so that Even is covered. That little gesture punches a hole in my soul. It’s so small, and like, it’s not even gonna work with the way that comforter is positioned, but he has to do this one tiny thing, anything to make Even more comfortable. It’s so nurturing and attentive.

Then we black out again and when we come back, Isak has used himself to cover the exposed part of Even’s back where the comforter won’t rest. He’s spooning Even to keep him warm. One of my favorite images. One of the smallest gestures and one of the most meaningful.

We get Isak lying on his back looking at Even and holding his phone to his chest as the song ends. He’s clearly considering contacting someone, and soon Isak texts Sonja. He’s very polite, considering where they left off in the hotel clip. He’s being responsible, knowing that Even’s parents might be worried about him, especially since Even is depressed - I mean, who knows what Even was doing or what happened earlier in the week? I hope that Even didn’t also leave his parents suicide notes or anything - I doubt it, honestly. I think if he had, they’d be a lot more frantic, Sonja would know and would be calling Isak.

Isak also apologizes and says that he’s sorry if Even isn’t well because of him. First of all, ouch that Isak would even think this? I know why he would, Sonja implied as much, that Isak was making Even’s condition worse, and Even’s text message suggests that some of this sadness is related to Isak even if it’s not necessarily Isak’s fault, if you get me. It stings. But also - consider reading that from Sonja’s POV. I think now that she’s had time to cool down from the hotel incident, she might realize that her words to Isak were harsher than necessary. And possibly she’s realized since then that Even really does love Isak. She’s had time to think about it or observe Even this week and realize that it’s not just mania causing those feelings. So reading that, she might understand that she should apologize to Isak.

Look how small Even looks in bed, by the way. This whole scene is such a turnaround from the charming, confident Norwegian James Dean we have seen previously in the season, the guy that got Isak’s (and our) attention in the first place. We’ve gotten glimpses of Even’s more vulnerable side, but nothing compared to what we see here and in O Helga Natt.

After sending the text, Isak just lies there with the phone on his chest, as if he wants it to be there at a moment’s notice in case he hears back from her. When the phone starts to ring, Isak gets out of bed. Again, the only time the camera leaves the closeup of the two of them in bed is when an outsider bursts the Evak bubble. (Also, Isak goes into the hall doesn’t shut the bedroom door; it’s like he wants to be aware of Even at all times and be there for him the moment he starts to wake up.)

The acting between Tarjei and Theresa on the phone is really good. I don’t know if how they recorded this conversation, if Julie had them act off each other or if they recorded separately, but I think they nailed the tone of it, especially at the beginning. This is an awkward conversation, but not an angry one. Isak is talking to someone who lashed out at him. Sonja is talking to someone she lashed out at, and is regretting it. They didn’t end on a good note last time. Plus, you know, Even dumped Sonja for Isak. Still that factor. Automatic awkward.

Just a note: Theresa had a tough role this season. For much of it she was playing the obstacle, the person you yell at to go away when she shows up in episode 2 and interrupts the developing Evak relationship (well, maybe not you personally, but I’ve seen my fair share of Skam reactions on YouTube). We don’t know much about Sonja, Even paints her in a negative light, she’s not the one we’re rooting for. So in a lot of ways, that was a pretty thankless task. However, I think she did a good job with the material she was given, and in this last scene of hers manages to give her character a lot of humanity. 

Listen to that awkward “hi” from both of them. Sonja sounds tired or resigned. She explains that Even sent his parents a text message. So she’s in touch with his parents. I wonder if Even disappeared Friday night (or earlier that day) and it got them worried, so they were already texting about it. Because otherwise I’m not sure how Sonja would know so quickly that Even sent his parents a text. Maybe if Even texted her and said don’t worry, I let my parents know where I am. (There’s just a ton that I want to know about this relationship between Even and Sonja - I don’t ship it in the slightest, and obviously it’s a mess in its current state, but it’s so important to Even’s backstory and his state of mind going into this season that I’d love a further peek at it.)

Now with the issue of the text message out of the way, that actually should be the end of the conversation, no? The technical business is sorted out. They could just ignore the emotional bits. But Sonja says she called to apologize for last time. Isak sounds genuinely surprised about this. I really think he didn’t harbor any resentment toward her at all? In fact, I don’t recall Isak blaming Sonja for anything during this season. At most he’s sad when she’s with Even, and I guess he might resent her as someone who has what he can’t, but it’s not like he hates her personally. And he didn’t seem upset that she said what she did because of her. 

But he says it’s fine so quickly. She says she didn’t mean to get angry with him, that it wasn’t his fault at all, and he says he understands that she was just worried. See, this is why I like Isak. Despite his rough demeanor, he listens to people. He has empathy.

And it’s why I like Sonja, too, despite her being a minor character and despite her flaws. She got that she took out her feelings in the heat of the moment on Isak. Even though Isak did wrong her by cheating with Even (and I mean, that’s mostly on Even but I’m of the opinion that if you hook up with someone you know has a significant other, you are doing wrong by that other person, you shouldn’t do that to someone) she still apologized for the part where she had faltered.

Sonja is just kind of like, Mm, after Isak says that he understands she was worried. I think this is a tough conversation, obviously. She probably doesn’t really want to do it for various reasons - it’s not fun to apologize, especially over something so delicate, and she’s talking to her ex boyfriend’s new boyfriend, the person he chose over her. But she makes a point of saying it’s not Isak’s fault Even is depressed, as Isak suggested in his text. He’s bipolar. She really sounds resigned, in my opinion. She has dealt with Even’s bipolar disorder for a while, she has taken care of him, for better or worse. But she wasn’t able to fix him, and now she’s having to let him go. Still, this is kindness from her. She’s not letting Isak blame himself for something she knows isn’t accurate.

I think Sonja really wants to get off the phone at this point, since it’s probably really hard for her on multiple levels, but Isak asks her if he should get Even to his parents. Right now, through this episode, he’s thinking about what’s best for Even. He’s not going to force Even to do what Isak thinks is best for him, but he’s still got that in mind. 

I don’t know exactly when Isak made the connection between his comment about not wanting to be around mentally ill people and Even then breaking things off with him and later hiding that he was bipolar from Isak - I’m sure he figured it out. But I think Isak is also keeping that moment in mind this episode. I think he realized he had been shitty about that, and he’s trying to make up for it. He has to prove that he’s staying by Even’s side and that he was wrong, he’s not better without mentally ill people in his life.

Sonja says that she thinks it’s best for Even to be with Isak. You know … think about the implications of that statement. A week ago she was telling Isak to stay away. I wonder if in the week that’s followed, she’s seen Even, possibly when he was very depressed, and realized Even really did love Isak and want to be with him. I wonder if she’s thought about Even’s behavior when he was with Isak. I wonder if she’s reconsidered not just Even and Isak’s relationship, now that she’s not stressed and worried in a moment of crisis, but Isak as well. I mean, here Isak is contacting her and telling her about Even’s whereabouts. He’s being responsible, and he’s looking out for Even. He’s not just this irresponsible kid who’s making Even smoke weed or who’s so helpless and ignorant she has to come fix things. Isak might have more potential than she realized. And I think she also sees that she’s not the only one who can support Even, that she has to let go of him, and Even should be with the person he really wants to be with.

Isak smiles a little after she says that. It’s just a brief statement from her but he knows that there’s a ton of meaning behind that, considering what she told him last time - she’s changed her mind. How good it must feel for him to hear that from Sonja, Even’s long-term girlfriend, that it’s good for Even to be with Isak. His reaction is a mixture of pride and happiness, maybe. It’s implicit approval of their relationship, implicit acceptance that Even has moved on from Sonja and is now with Isak. That it’s real between Even and Isak and not just a sick idea in his head.

By now Sonja really wants to get off the phone, lmao, but Isak still isn’t done. He asks whether there’s anything he can do for Even. When Sonja says, “Not really,” it makes me sad for her? Like I can tell behind that statement, there’s someone who really loved/loves Even and watched him go through hell and deal with depression, and has realized by now that you can’t just snap him out of it. She’s sad that there’s not more she or anyone can do for him. It makes you think about her actions - and I’m not justifying her being controlling or trying to tell Even how he feels, but you have to wonder if she hoped she could just snap him out of his worst periods. If she wishes she could have done more but realizes she couldn’t. Man, I find Sonja so interesting despite being having such a small amount of screen time!

“You just have to be there for him.”

Sonja gives some of the best advice in the series. She’s been there with Even in the bad times. When everything seems hopeless, just take it one day at a time. Then an hour, then a minute. That says so much about how hard it can get, that sometimes even an hour is too much to bear, you have to go down to just a minute. Like both she and Even went through this, it seemed hopeless for both of them, Even in his depression and Sonja watching him be depressed. That advice is simple but so powerful. It’s so hopeful and such a good way of approaching pain and depression. It’s good advice for anyone struggling, really, not just people who are bipolar or depressed.

As some who has been depressed and who has dealt with a lot of other mental illness BS ... this is one of the most helpful pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from media. Something that happens when you deal with depression is that suddenly everything becomes magnified in a bad way, and set in stone in a hopeless way. It’s not just that things are bad today, it’s that they will never get better. It’s not just that you messed up this one thing, it’s that you’ve destroy everything in your whole life and you’re going to continue to ruin the rest of it. Your brain traps you in this endless cycle of your past mistakes and your current mistakes and that propels you into your future mistakes, until everything seems bleak. Taking things minute by minute is a way to approach life and its struggles in a more manageable way, it helps to remember that when everything seems too big.

In my last post about episode 9, I included a draft of a post that I wrote about O Helga Natt back in 2016. I also found one that I wrote in either late 2016/early 2017, that referred to this clip.

i’ve been really depressed lately - for no reason, just because that’s how my brain works - and i want to thank the Norwegian teenies for coming along at just the right time, because the way Skam depicted mental illness and especially Even’s depressive episode in the last two episodes actually helped me and I can’t think of the last time a work of fiction gave me some good life advice that genuinely made me feel better

i’m not sure if this was the intended wisdom but not only did “minutt by minutt” help, just the depiction of a depressed character having a string of shitty days and this being … kind of a normal thing - that helped. not that you should be tolerating depression as just a thing you’ll get through, don’t seek treatment for it, bootstraps etc. but in the sense that yeah, sometimes you have bad periods with depression, some days hit you harder than others. but getting to hear about Isak and the flat taking care of Even and Sonja’s being kind of matter-of-fact about it … honestly, that gave me the ability to look at my own bad days as something that i can handle.

the day after Christmas, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I was so tired and empty and I couldn’t even focus on watching Netflix or whatever. but instead of getting lost in my own negative thoughts, I was able to process it as, “OK, this is not going to be a good day. Instead of trying to punish yourself for not feeling good, just accept that this isn’t going to be a good day, and that’s fine. You don’t have to feel like you wasted a day. You can get through this and start again tomorrow.” and that was specifically due to what happened in episode 10. So I want to thank this show for making me feel a little better.

The music starts again over Sonja’s speech, as Isak watches over Even sleeping again. Keeping a vigil, keeping the lanterns lit.

Even stirs and finally wakes up. He takes a moment to take in his surroundings and remember that, oh yeah, he’s with Isak at his place. He seems like he finds it hard to look at Isak and quickly averts his gaze and looks at the ceiling, the wall, not at Isak. Probably because he still can’t believe he’s here, with Isak, and probably because of what he says to him in a moment - he’s convinced he will hurt Isak, he thinks he doesn’t deserve to have Isak here with him.

I know that the thing with Even’s eyes fluttering was apparently just Henrik’s random reflex, lmao, but it’s very effective and makes him seem like he’s struggling to keep them open. He just seems so tired. His normally energetic, charismatic self has been completely drained. We’ve never seen him like this, not even the hints in like the cuddle scene were this strong. Henrik turned off all the light inside of him. He’s staring at nothing.

Not to get super personal again, but his performance in this scene felt so familiar that I got a pain in my gut. I have been in Even’s shoes, I recognize some of how this goes, how you hardly have the strength to muster up speech, or you react more slowly to certain things. He does such an excellent job here. Now that we’ve seen the bloopers, too, working out the positions on the bed for this scene, it seems like he was trying very hard to stay in Even’s mindset throughout, which must have been rough.

Isak asks if Even is hungry. Even doesn’t even reply to that. He takes time to answer, like it’s harder to focus or collect his thoughts. Like he’s drifting. He does ask Isak what time it is after a moment.

Even says, very quietly, that he should go. Because he doesn’t want Isak to lie there and feel like he has to look after him. Even, baby, no. It’s not a burden for Isak to be with you. You aren’t a burden. That says so much about how he feels about himself, that he’s a burden, an obligation, something for people to take care of. He’s preventing Isak from doing other things. Again, this is such an accurate depiction of depression. During this scene I got chills because it was so close to my experience, the fatigue, the guilt. The sense of resigned certainty that things were never going to get better. The emptiness.

Isak says he doesn’t feel like he’s looking after Even. He’s doing this because he loves Even and wants him to be okay, not because he feels like he has to. But also, why is it wrong for Isak to look after Even? It’s so natural for Isak to want to do so because he loves Even and wants to be a part of his life.

Even says there’s nothing wrong with it, but that he doesn’t want Isak to lie there and feel sad. Basically, he doesn’t want to bring people down with him. Evennnnn. Noooooo.

Isak says he’s not sad, quietly. Kinda like how Even said he wasn’t sad in the locker room scene, except in very different contexts. Isak has to do a lot more work to reassure Even here. Isak seems surprised that Even would even think he was sad. Like Isak knows he loves Even, of course he would be here.

Even takes forever to reply. He lets out a heavy sigh. So much sighing, as if it’s a struggle. It’s so quiet you can hear him swallowing.

“I just know that this isn’t gonna work.” This resonates so much. That feeling that you know it’s going to end. You just know. Depression brings about such seeming clarity, like you don’t doubt that everything is hopeless, you feel it in your bones. But damn, Even is thinking that it won’t work out because of him. He already hurt Isak. He wants it to work, he loves Isak, but he thinks it won’t.

Isak doesn’t get too upset, vocally, but you can tell he’s appalled and horrified by this idea. Why on earth would Even say that? That’s the last thing Isak wants to consider.

“Because it’s true.” Again, that certainty. Even says he’ll hurt Isak and then Isak will hate him. Even’s insecurities and vulnerabilities are so painful! He doesn’t want to hurt Isak, it’s something he fears. And he doesn’t want Isak to hate him, because to be hated by someone he loves so much is awful. Like, it’s better in his mind just to cut Isak loose to go find a happy life than to stick around long enough for Isak to resent him (“the only way to have something forever is to lose it”).

Also something that’s accurate to depression - how easy it is to disregard people telling you that you’re not worthless, how easy it is to forget that people love you and care about you. Isak just ran to Even last night and hugged him and kissed him and made his love abundantly clear, but Even is probably already filing that away as, well, Isak won’t feel that way for long, Isak will just be sad, it’s not worth it.

And then - this incredible moment.

After a long pause, in which Isak lies there considering Even, staring at him, working out what Even is saying - Isak just says, “No.” Just no. So forcefully and with such certainty that I want to hug him. Even goes from staring at the ceiling to looking at Isak. He’s taken aback. Maybe he thought Isak might come back at him with more soft words and assurances, but I don’t think he was expecting for Isak to call bullshit.

What I love, love, LOVE about Isak’s dialogue here is that it’s not like … flowery or romantic. It’s not a big speech. “I love you, Even, I’ll always be here for you, we’re soulmates,” etc. All the cliches of a dramatic TV speech. This dialogue is instead so distinctly Isak that it’s brilliant. It’s a 17-year-old boy, who’s often blunt and unsentimental, putting his feelings into words that are equally blunt and unsentimental. In a lot of TV shows, these big romantic speeches are generic and interchangeable, they sound the same across canons, within canons, everywhere. They’re trying to be epic, but they all sound alike because they come back to the same general grandiose concepts. But this speech? You could not mistake this speech coming from any other character but Isak. It’s so specific to Isak and to Isak/Even.

Isak just directly shuts down all of Even’s catastrophic thinking, his negative outcomes. You don’t know shit about how this is going to end! Well, he’s right? Depression makes you certain of hopelessness, and Isak doesn’t sugarcoat it, he cuts right through the cloudy haze and says, nah, you don’t know that.

In Tarjei’s delivery is a touch of fear, like he really wants Even to understand, but in this moment he’s afraid Even will pull away again and he’ll lose him once more, and that’s coming through. Isak isn’t certain of anything. But there’s also this fierceness and determination, this strength, and that’s what truly makes the moment. 

Isak says that maybe a nuke will get dropped on them tomorrow, and this is a waste of time to discuss. Again - he’s right! It’s not a bad thing to discuss long-term dynamics of relationships, of course. But Even’s depressive speculation is pointless. You can never predict what’ll happen. This time they spend debating whether Even will hurt Isak - not worth it. It’s time they could spend together, enjoying the moment.

Even is so taken aback, struck by Isak’s blunt descriptions and his certainty. Like Isak is not pulling away, he’s not letting Even go. He’s just telling Even how it’s gonna be.

“So I suggest you stop talking about the future and then the two of us will take this thing completely chill.” God. GOD. I love it. You know what? Previously this season, we’ve had so many comments about time and forever - Can I stay in here with you forever? and You’re the man of my life and Even asking how many Isaks and Evens are lying in bed right now and Isak answering infinitely many, in infinite time. Big, sweeping statements about long periods of time. And those are all wonderful and beautiful and romantic. But there’s a lot of underlying pressure in them. You gotta get everything perfect, you gotta be constantly thinking about the long run, everything needs to be epic and big. And in this episode, we whittle down those long overwhelming periods of time, the future, infinity, forever, to the short term. Minute by minute. Now. Living in the present. Not putting these huge standards or expectations on oneself, both good and bad. Which is probably the healthiest approach when you’re teenagers in a relationship.

And Isak is again saying, I’m not letting you push me away, I’m not going to let you overthink this and pull back, I’m not going to let you think you’re a monster. We’re just going to hang in here together.

Even is stunned by this, he keeps running his eyes over Isak’s face as if in disbelief. What is even happening? He didn’t expect this.

And here we get one of the most romantic exchanges I have heard in my life. While Even is processing what Isak said, Isak goes on to say, “Let’s play a game. It’s called Isak and Even, minutt for minutt.”

He puts his hand on Even’s cheek. A little awkwardly, like he’s still figuring this out. Like he isn’t entirely certain of what he’s doing or if this is going to work, but he has to try, anyway. Even has initiated a lot of the physical contact in the start of their relationship, but here’s Isak initiating, taking charge. He wants Even to feel the touch and understand Isak is here and he’s not going anywhere. He’s not sure of everything, but he’s determined.

“The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute.” Essentially putting Even’s fears at rest, saying, don’t worry about your worst nightmares coming true. We’re going to get through this together, one minute at a time. 

Isak strokes the hair behind Even’s ear. Even whispers, “OK,” like he can hardly talk, he hardly has the energy. But he’s listening to what Isak is saying. He’s not sure this will work, either, but he’s willing to try.

“What are we going to do this minute?” / “This minute we’ll kiss.” End me. One of the most romantic exchanges ever. So simple! So reassuring! Even being so tentative, like maybe he’s thinking this just might work! Isak not putting a ton of pressure on Even, proposing just a kiss! Something small and easy that they can feel and understand!

And oh boy, isn’t Even’s reaction gorgeous? The pause and then the smallest smile, the first hint of a smile from him in this clip. Even’s smile is one of the most striking features about him and not seeing makes us thirsty for it. But he gives the tiniest smile, a sign that he’s on board, and says that’s chill. Isak says that’s chill. It’s chill, it doesn’t need to be anything else.

They kiss. Isak gets in a nose rub at first. He clutches the side of Even’s face, placing himself there. Even is bundled up in blankets and Isak is firmly planting his hand on Even.

We cut from the beginning of the kiss to the end, as the minute passes - Even looks so vulnerable kissing, like it’s still a lot of energy for him? His hand is clutching the blanket like he needs it around him. When he pulls away, it’s like he’s ready to go back to sleep. But even after Even pulls back from the kiss, Isak keeps stroking Even’s face and hair, and he gives a slow and steady nose rub. Again, it’s their grounding technique, it’s a reassurance that Isak is there for him.

The pacing of this scene is so good. I love the quiet, the pauses. This is just unhurried film-making, not afraid to take its time. Everything about this scene makes me calm. It’s like taking a deep breath of cool morning air.

As an aside, for almost two years the background on my phone has been Isak snuggled up to Even as he sleeps. Helps to have a reminder to take things one minute at a time.

Clip 2 - Fluffy Isak living his best life

This scene is a direct parallel and contrast to the one in episode 3, where Vilde goes up to Isak at the lockers and asks him about hosting a party, and then afterwards Isak sees Emma and goes up to her. In that scene in episode 3, Isak absolutely does not want to host the party and he’s making up excuses not to, including blaming his flatmates. Here he readily and warmly agrees to host. In the episode 3 scene, he goes up to Emma to make amends and spews a lot of fake flirting, with his fake hetero persona. Here he goes up to her and repeats the same line of calling himself an asshole to make amends, but he’s being honest with her. He’s not flirting, he’s just extending an olive branch.

Isak walks into school on his phone, talking to Eskild. He tells Eskild to let Even sleep. Eskild wonders if he should wake up Even. Isak tells him he asked him to keep an eye on Even because he’s depressed, not watch over him like a baby. CHEERS, ISAK 🙌 This is exactly right. Because Even is depressed (and had just sent Isak a suicide note), I don’t think it’s a great idea for him to be completely alone, especially when that’s one of his fears/anxieties. I mean, we’re trying to show Even that he isn’t alone. But Even is depressed, not helpless, and it would be wrong to smother him. He needs his agency. Isak is completely accurate, don’t treat Even like a baby. Isak may not be perfect, but he’s getting so much better in his understanding of mental illness.

Also, we’re trying to show how Isak has learned from Sonja’s mistakes or how Even didn’t like Sonja’s treatment of him, and I think part of that is giving Even space and not hovering or interfering too much.

Eskild leaves because he thinks Even woke up. Isak looks at his phone like, lmao, that’s Eskild being Eskild for you! I think Eskild can’t help but go into nurturing mode, he wants to take care of people. (You know, fandom talks a lot about Isak and Even as parents, but imagine Eskild as a parent? IDK if he’d ever have kids of his own or if he’d have a bunch of unofficial nieces and nephews, or if he’d just consider all the wayward teenagers he “adopts” to be his children, but Eskild would be such a helicopter parent.)

Also, in Isak’s locker of character development - he just opens his locker without any problems. He’s not even thinking about it, he’s just talking with Eskild on the phone. It’s no longer a problem. It’s not stuck, nothing’s spilling out. It’s not giving Isak grief.

What a beautiful and subtle way to indicate that Isak is now comfortably out of the closet. What a great payoff for something that might seem like a running gag but is actually insight into the main character’s mindset.

Isak looks fluffy as hell in this scene. You know how worn down he looks in episode 6? Here he’s radiating good health and happiness.

Vilde shows up. God, I love Isak and Vilde’s interaction, as messy as it may sometimes be. She asks if Isak saw the message she posted to kosegruppa, and Isak starts to laugh to himself, because out of all the drama of his life, all the shit that’s been happening the last few weeks, kosegruppa is still a thing, and he completely forgot about it. I don’t think we’ve heard about kosegruppa since episode 3 with the neon party? It was basically just a setup for Isak and Even to meet and interact. Which is perfectly fine! But it’s great that they brought it full circle and acknowledged it again, like this is kind of meta with Isak acknowledging that he forgot about kosegruppa, much like the audience had. (If only we had seen kosegruppa antics after this …. I wanted to see the squads baking together and spreading that cozy feeling!)

Vilde wants to know why Isak is laughing. Isak says he almost forgot kosegruppa existed. Vilde is aghast, practically. She asks whether Isak isn’t going to quit now. You can’t just join for the parties and skimp on the actual work for the revue!

And here’s one of my favorite Isak moments, a super underrated one. Isak takes a moment from clearly forgetting about kosegruppa to being like “Of course I’m still in kosegruppa! Who do you think I am?” It makes me smile SO much, because we saw Isak be grumpy and unimpressed with kosegruppa before, and give Vilde looks of boredom or irritation when she talked about it, but here fluffy Isak is humoring her and being nice. He’s making her happy, and the fact that she clearly is happy by what he says makes my heart so warm.

Vilde asks if they could host the kosegruppa Christmas party at Isak’s place, and after a short pause, Isak quickly agrees. Vilde is clearly surprised by this, asks if it’s OK with his flatmates, and Isak says he’s sure it’s fine. He’s so warm when he says this and he’s smiling at her, it’s beautiful. Like this is some Scrooge-level transformation.

I think Isak is in such a good place emotionally right now that he can’t help but extend it to other people. He’s got Even back and while things aren’t perfect, they’re taking this thing one minute at a time and there’s hope for the future. Additionally, he’s out of the closet and no longing live a fake heterosexual life. His friends accept him and he can be honest with them. He’s out to his parents and they’re fine with him, and it seems like his relationship with his mom can be salvaged. Basically every single thing, for the most part, that was causing Isak anxiety earlier in the season has now been solved. And because Isak is glowing inside, he’s willing to extend the kindness to others.

When Vilde leaves, Isak retrieves his book from his locker. Then he seems Emma down the hallway. With a little trepidation, he goes up to her. He greets her and the trepidation is mutual. Emma is awkward, too. You have to wonder what she’s thinking. Honestly, I think at this point, she does realize that she messed up? Or that it was her talking about Isak that got the rumors going and outed him to the school, and that it was wrong. Maybe that’s just me wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt that Emma regrets what she did, but Ruby plays it like she’s unsure, not like she’s still angry at Isak or annoyed by him.

I think the vibe between them in this scene is supposed to be that they both made mistakes and hurt each other. And I mean, that is true! Isak did hurt Emma by leading her on. It’s just that Emma ultimately did something I think was a lot worse - like, she would have gotten over that guy she made out with twice turning out to be gay and leading her on. Isak might not have gotten over being outed, it could have really damaged aspects of his life.

So it’s awkward, and Isak then brings up the inside joke of sorts from before, referencing “the asshole” who’s hosting the Christmas party and inviting her along, because he thinks that would be nice. Here he’s not inviting her because he plans to hook up with her, and they both know that. It’s a gesture of kindness. Let’s bury the hatchet.

Emma says she switched to the PR group, but that he should tell the asshole she’s glad he asked. She’s smiling and seems genuinely happy. Isak says the asshole will appreciate that. They say goodbye, clearly in a good mood, pleased about the interaction.

Well, in a lot of ways this outcome is pretty good? I think it’s for the best that Emma switched groups - she was only in kosegruppa to chase Isak, and switching will give her some distance from the experience and help her move on from whatever remaining hurt she feels. And I think that this is about the nicest resolution you could hope for, in a way - I don’t think Isak and Emma are going to become good friends, they don’t have a ton in common personally and they did hurt each other. I think it’s actually good she won’t be at the party (where she’ll be witnessing Isak and Even making out under the mistletoe, lmao) and she’ll get some space. But they’ve made peace and can be on good terms as casual acquaintances. Isak no longer has to run away when he sees Emma in the hallway, they can just smile and nod and acknowledge each other politely. Isak doesn’t have to pretend to be into her, either. He’s done with that part of his life.

But, if I’m gonna tweak this scene - because the Emma/outing plot is the only one that I had any substantial nitpicks for this season - I would make Emma more obviously realize or acknowledge that she had done something really bad in outing Isak. It would be nice if she apologized for it directly. But within the tone of this scene, you could even play it as her going along with Isak’s “the asshole” joke, maybe with her saying something like, “Well, there’s this asshole first year who feels really bad about opening her big mouth and she’s happy that the other asshole invited her.” You know, something self-deprecating like that. I would be fine with that? Just so it was clear she knows she messed up. I think it stands out because Sonja apologized for something wrong she had done, and Isak is apologizing for something wrong he had done, so Emma not apologizing kinda feels a little unfinished, like, hey, she did do something pretty bad, whether it was intentional or not.

I have no problem with Isak extending the olive branch and inviting Emma, for what it’s worth. He’s in a good place, he wants to make amends with people. I think he’s in such a good place that he wants to get rid of any animosity or more toxic relationships or beefs he has with people. Mostly, I wish we got more acknowledgment that Emma messed up, too, so it’s not all on Isak.

I’d also be fine with someone other than Isak stating more directly that being outed was a bad thing. I think they did a fine job of showing how Isak was affected negatively by it, and normally I prefer show don’t tell, but because Emma doesn’t directly apologize for it, I think it’d be worth it to do some ‘telling” if Emma herself doesn’t. IDK, someone like Even or Jonas not being ok with it, even if Isak is. (Although, lol, we know what eventually happened with Jonas and Emma...)

Ruby Dagnall really is a cutie and a talented actress, I feel bad that she plays one of the least popular, most disliked Skam characters. At least Sonja got some redemption and comes across much better in the whole series.

Still, this scene does provide some relief for Isak, that he’s put to rest one of the other problems he’s had recently. I’m sure he feels like there’s another weight off his back. 

Clip 3 - I saw you the first day of school

This delightful and intimate and tender scene!!!!

Isak does a meme-worthy appearance as he creeps into his own doorway to see Even and Linn playing FIFA. He’s so funny because he almost appears suspicious, like he expects to see Even and Linn cooking meth instead of playing video games. Or I guess because Even has been depressed and Linn is always depressed, that it’s very unusual to see them playing games with so much vigor.

Isak also gets this little smile, like he’s so relieved and happy that Even has come out of his depressive episode a bit. And because it’s just a charming moment to come across.

I love Linn getting so into the game, too, since we rarely see her that hyped. She is taking it very very seriously.

We all gotta appreciate Even’s “Hall-AAA” when Isak greets him. How can you pack so much charisma into a simple word?

Linn is just like, good, you’re home, I’m exhausted. Which kinda indicates that she had “Even duty” since there’s no other reason she needs to get up and leave that second. Unless she thinks the Evak make-outs are going to commence. Which they are.

Even says, “Sore loser?” and Linn is like, “I’m going to bed,” because of course she is. Even is so charming when he says that, though, like you really get how everyone just immediately falls in love with this guy, he’s so warm and open and he can tease someone like Linn who isn’t necessarily the most receptive person.

Even says it was good to hang out with Linn. I agree! We only get this one moment between them, but it’s a nice little detail. They both deal with depression and I don’t know if they have big talks about it or whatever, but they probably both get it, understand that part of each other, and it’s nice that we can see them hanging out. I bet it’s low stress to hang with Linn, too, like I adore Eskild but he’s going to want to be in Even’s face pushing him to do stuff. Linn is more chill.

I would have loved to see more clips of kosegruppa taking care of Even. I adore the texts, they say so much, but imagine watching Eskild taking care of Even and making him play board games? Noora bringing Even some tea? It really warms my heart how everyone decided to help Even, who’s essentially a stranger, because they were there for Isak. Well, OK, I think everyone is in love with Even, it’s hard not to be, so they came together to support him, too.

It is SUCH a relief to see Even smile at this point. Even’s smile is one of the most beautiful things about him and we were dying to see it again after watching him be so down, so when you see Even give Isak that genuine smile, it’s wonderful. And the glare from the TV is like reflecting off his eyes making him look even more magical, lol.

He also looks so fluffy in Isak’s hoodie. I think it’s a touch too small for him? But like Even cares, he’s wearing Isak’s clothes and that’s all that matters.

Isak kisses Even hello and we don’t really see it, but we sure hear it, with this loud smack and like this fond little hum from Isak, like he’s a contented cat. Kissing Even is just that enjoyable.

There’s a post that was like “Isak and Even do this thing where they greet each other in front of others and then when they’re alone they greet each other again, just for each other” and it makes my heart melt.

They fall back onto the bed and actually, that little detail is so sweet, too? They’re just getting comfortable, ready to talk about their days, catch up with each other.

L m a o, Isak adjusts his snapback when he lies down rather than just taking it off. Okay, kid.

Isak asks Even what’s up. I think Henrik does some excellent acting in this scene. I mean they both do, Tarjei’s always great, but Even is coming out of his depressive episode and he does some stuff here that’s not always vocalized. But here for instance, you can see Even’s question starting to form before he asks it. That touch of tongue to the teeth. That amusement in his eyes. And then his delivery which is like, a-ha, I caught you, but not accusatory or upset, he’s just amused. 

He asks Isak whether he asked all his flatmates to look after him. Even is not dumb, he realizes what happened with Isak’s roommates all swooping in to check on him, how he’s never alone in the flat. Someone’s always there. But I don’t think he’s upset about it, like he might be with Sonja. I mean … to be fair, Even did write Isak a goodbye text/suicide note a few days ago. And Isak has instructed Eskild at least not to hover and treat Even like a baby, so they’ve probably been getting along fine.

Isak is like, what? No. Even raises his magnificent eyebrows (not Jonas level, but Even can do some damn great things with them) and calls Isak out on being a bad liar. Actually I think Tarjei does some subtle but great acting with “Isak trying to lie.” He wasn’t comically obvious but he managed to convey that “yeah, I’m being too casual about too be truthful” vibe.

Isak and Even both laugh about Isak being a bad liar so you can tell neither of them is upset by this, it’s just a funny thing. Isak is like, no way I’m a bad liar. I’m the fucking master liar, there’s no one who’s a better liar than me! Which in itself is a GIANT FUCKING LIE, Isak, you are a terrible liar. Lying a lot is not the same thing as lying well. (Seriously, Isak almost always gets caught in his lies, or he ends up just fumbling for what to say.)

Also, how funny is it that Isak is again like, oh, you say I’m not good at this thing? Actually I am the BEST at this thing, I am the master of this specific thing Just like him being the master of holding his breath underwater. This kid has such a weird competitive streak and it’s all talk, he just can’t let an insult to his skills go without refuting it in an over-the-top way.

Isak: You have no idea what I’ve gotten away with! Even: Like what? Isak: No, you don’t want know. Which is funny on its own but also funnier if you’re keeping in mind Isak’s S1 shenanigans, of course. Which he did NOT get away with.

Anyway Even is charmed by all of this, his face lights up with laughter and a big smile. In return, Isak is charmed by Even’s happy self, as we all are, for Even is human sunshine. Isak touches Even’s face - Even dips his head so his lip catches Isak’s thumb, and that’s one of those small gestures that makes their chemistry so incredibly fucking good? Did Julie instruct that, or did Henrik react to Tarjei’s touch like that? I can’t tell. I could easily believe it was improv. But that kind of instinctive reaction, not just lying there as Isak touches him but reacting back, moving into it - that is why the Evak chemistry is unparalleled. They keep feeding off each other’s actions and energy, they want to be touching, they are 110% keyed into each other.

“I like seeing you laugh.” DON’T WE ALL.

No really, that’s got to be such a relief for Isak, that Even is laughing and smiling again. There’s the hope, there’s the light at the end of the tunnel. And I think Even can’t help but be amazed that Isak is still here. Isak stood by him through the worst period, and he’s here now touching Even and telling him what he likes about him.

Even’s gaze softens just a little again, like he’s not just brightly burning here with amusement, he’s already getting more fond and mesmerized by Isak. Good job, Henrik.

Isak’s phone is buzzing. He checks it and lets out a sigh of exasperation, telling Even that Vilde nags him so damn much about kosegruppa. Even, too, has forgotten about kosegruppa. Isak tells him what he learned from the previous clip, that Vilde is worried people only joined for the revue parties.

And here’s the bombshell: Isak is amused relating this detail to Even, but Even becomes thoughtful and serious when he says he was only there to meet Isak. I mean, HOLY SHIT. He drops it like it’s just this fact he has no qualms about sharing. In fact, he might even be surprised that Isak DIDN’T realize this by now.

Isak is of course, completely stunned. Wait, what? They are having this lighthearted conversation and laughing and then Even drops this rather big bit of information?

Even: “Did you think I was there to have fun?” I mean, I don’t know, dude, you’re kinda weird and artsy, so maybe it was your scene? Maybe you wanted some buns? (Well, he did want buns. Isak’s buns, baby. 😎)

Isak laughs a little, but he’s still completely flabbergasted by this bit of information. He asks Even if Even saw him before the first kosegruppa meeting. (And I mean, we know Even did, because Isak and him made eye contact in the cafeteria. What Isak means is, did you see me and check me out before kosegruppa?)

“I saw you the first day of school.” BOMBSHELL. CHANGES THE ENTIRE SEASON. Well, maybe not the entire season, but it absolutely re-frames Even’s behavior in the first few episodes and even throughout the later episodes.

Now while watching this season in real time, I figured Even was pining for Isak from the beginning, more or less, from episode 1. Like I really didn’t doubt that Even had real feelings for Isak, I never thought he was playing with Isak or messing around with him for fun. I never thought he was going to turn on Isak or lead him into a hate crime as some of the more bizarre theories suggested. And I had a heavy suspicion that Even went to the kosegruppa meeting to meet Isak. But what I figured was - Even saw this really cute boy in the cafeteria on Monday, they made eye contact, that one group of girls talked to both Even and Isak about their revue group, so hey, might as well be worth it to check out if the cute guy went to the meeting! So it seemed like a relatively short and straightforward timeline where Even spotted Isak for the first time and decided to go after him. But I had a few questions, such as: did Even really think Isak was going to show up? That’s a hell of a chance to take. I mean, the risk factor is pretty minimal, Isak wouldn’t be there and Even would just have to sit through this meeting and eat some bread and participate in some awkward group exercises until he could escape. But still - how confident was he that Isak would be there?

And Even having his eye on Isak from the beginning of the school year makes a lot of sense and helps explain why Even would take that chance! First of all, because he would have had plenty of time to learn Isak’s name from the first day of school, and therefore he could scope the signup sheet for it, because I bet Vilde or Sana put Isak on a list. That’s apparently how Emma found out Isak was going to kosegruppa, after all. Second, because if Even had been pining for THAT long, not just a few days, then I absolutely buy him taking a huge gamble like that. Because Even had a crush on Isak for weeks at this point, and kept his distance, until that day in the cafeteria, when he caught Isak looking back. And I think that was all the incentive he needed to take a chance. That Isak maybe wasn’t just a distant dream, but potentially a reality. Isak might be attracted to him as well. Boom.

Of course Even’s revelation also re-frames a lot of other moments and details, like why Even was there in the cafeteria in the first place (he almost certainly wasn’t sitting near Isak by coincidence, but on purpose so he could check out Isak and maybe get his attention). Why Even entered the meeting and immediately scanned the room to see if Isak was there, and then took a seat near him. It makes all of Even’s affection and actions toward Isak this season so much heavier, because he had wanted him for a while. You look back at their first kiss, for instance, and you realize Even had been waiting for that for months.

Not only that, but consider that this entire season we have been in Isak’s POV. Going through his struggles with him, his anxieties and insecurities and doubts. When Even ran hot and cold, we felt it. When Even ghosted on him, it was like Even ghosted us. So for a good chunk of this season, Isak doubted the depth of Even’s feelings for him - especially after the hotel room, when Sonja said Even’s feelings were fake. And much of the audience doubted with him, making up all kinds of theories about Even toying with Isak or being a bad person or not really into Isak. So after a full season of this uncertainty, we finally learn the truth - not only were Even’s feelings real all along, they were real for much, much longer than any of us suspected. I think a lot of people guessed that Even went to kosegruppa to meet Isak, but NOT that he had been pining for months.

Side note: not to spoil this very popular anime, but Yuri!!! on Ice was airing at the exact same time as season 3 of Skam, and I have to laugh because episode 10 of YoI, like this season, also had the “been into you for way longer than you realized” reveal that changed the entire context of the series and the main relationship. (I just remember fall/winter 2016 as simultaneously the darkest timeline from which there was no escape and some weird fever dream of unexpected gay romance canons as a kind of consolation prize. Like hey, we might as well give you something nice before the world burns.)

Even says the line so sincerely, too. So heartfelt. Just “I saw you the first day of school.” And that’s all we get, until we received the S3 script book where Julie wrote the scene from his POV. But in context of just what we saw on screen - how evocative is that? Doesn’t it really grab your attention? We don’t know where it happened, how it happened, what Isak was doing, any of the nitty-gritty details so we’re free to speculate. But that one line says enough to completely alter our opinion of Even this season.

And Isak is of course, just stunned and touched. He just takes it in and says, “Whoa,” with a soft smile. Not bombarding him with more questions (“tell me everything about that day”) but just soaking in the knowledge. Even saw him and chose him, basically. All this time he was doubting Even’s feelings? Even had it even worse for Isak. Even loves him that much, that Isak caught his eye on the first day of school. Even has liked him for that long. It’s beautiful. Isak is really somebody’s somebody.

And you can see Even smile at Isak, too. They would have laid there looking into each other’s eyes and marveling at how they found each other had Vilde not called again.

Let’s all appreciate Tarjei’s delivery of that UGH, like Isak has a cantankerous old man soul.

Now here’s an interesting detail about the conversation with Vilde: We don’t hear her side of it. Or rather, we don’t hear her voice clearly, as we do in say, Isak’s conversation with his father or with Sonja. And maybe that’s because unlike those conversations, what Vilde is saying is not actually important in itself (though I am sure she would disagree with me, getting that Christmas tree is of utmost importance, how dare you) and it’d be a little bit of a distraction from the main point of the scene between Isak and Even. But it makes the scene different because it’s not completely in Isak’s POV, because Isak would be able to hear Vilde clearly. Actually, it makes the scene seem like it’s from Even’s point of view, not Isak’s. And I’m kind of a stickler for POV but I’m fine with it here, especially in the final episode of the season. Once we’ve sort of wrapped up many of the main character’s problems or issues, it’s OK to start experimenting and diverging a bit more. But anyway, this scene especially seems like we’re really deep in Even’s head, for some reason. 

Anyway, Isak argues with Vilde about the Christmas tree while Even laughs and smiles at Isak, entertained by his grumpy boyfriend. Isak tells Vilde to get the Christmas tree herself (though as we learn through texts, he went to pick it up, because look, Isak may put up a fight with Vilde about it but he ends up doing whatever she asks).

Even asks Isak about the tree once Isak hangs up. Isak explains about the kosegruppa Christmas party on Friday. And oh man, now this is some goooood acting from Henrik. Because so far this scene has been pretty stress free, lots of cute flirting and laughing and looking into each other’s eyes. But once Isak mentions that kosegruppa party he’s hosting, Even immediately gets tense. It’s not over the top obvious, but Henrik does a fantastic job here because his energy just shifts in an instant. His eyes start flicking away from Isak, he squirms a little, his body isn’t still. You can tell he gets this flight or fight response where his instinct is to run away, if not literally, then from this conversation.

This is one of the moments in all of Skam that just resonates with me so strongly. Having depression puts you into so many weird spots like this. You don’t know how to tell people about it, you don’t know how to explain that no, you don’t want to go to the party or the concert or whatever, you don’t have the mental or physical energy for it. Your body and mind are just exhausted. You can barely get out of bed. But - it’s hard to describe that to people. Telling people you have the flu is easy - you have physical symptoms, you aren’t ashamed of it. But how do you explain, especially to non-depressed people, that you just don’t feel like it because of your depression? Or because of your anxiety? Like Even, I have often found myself hedging and making up excuses not to go like this. It’s one of those smaller details that makes me think Skam nailed these final episodes of S3 and the depiction of mental illness.

For Even, he’s still climbing out of the depressive episode, and he’s reeling from the experience itself. How is he going to face people, especially if they know anything about what happened? How is he going to deal with a party, with its potentially overwhelming smells, sounds, and sensations? A lot of people talking and laughing and dancing, music blaring, it’s just … not something where he can relax. It’s something you need energy for.

Isak asks if Even wants to go to the party. Even takes a moment, and he’s still like a deer in headlights, you know his brain is scrambling with how to take care of the situation. Isak waits patiently for an answer, not pushing.

Even starts talking about his mom, using her as an excuse, saying that he talked to her and said he would stop by to eat and stuff, actually he was thinking about staying there for a little while. And you know what? Maybe Even really did speak with his mom. He probably did. But right now he’s latching onto that as a diversion, so he doesn’t have to tell Isak what he’s really feeling - the idea of a party is overwhelming right now. I’m not sure if I want to go. And maybe right now Even is having a rapid descent into depressive thoughts. Like he’s slipping into oh, this is how I’m going to let Isak down, I’m just a burden, I should go away and let him do his own thing, have fun. That’s perhaps a factor, too.

Isak gives Even the time to decide and talk. He does not interrupt him until Even is finished, and then his only response is beautiful. “Just take it one day at a time.” Not putting any pressure on him to answer now more decisively, not putting pressure on him to suck it up and attend the party. Just gives Even their mantra.

I’m not trying to demonize Sonja (especially not in this episode when she’s treated so gracefully) but I have to wonder, going off Even’s reaction to both the news about the party and Isak’s reaction, if maybe this was a common type of argument or debate they had, and if Sonja tended to handle it differently. Like maybe if this were Sonja, she would be encouraging or pressuring Even to attend a party because it would be good for him, or she would be grilling him more about his mindset. If Even didn’t want to attend, time to dig into that, see how he’s doing, ask a bunch of questions. Sonja is the “party planner” who needs to have everything figured out. And that maybe one of the differences between Sonja and Isak is that Sonja, however good her intentions, tended to overwhelm Even with questions, she needed to have everything figured out, whereas Isak’s approach is so much more chill. IDK, this is definitely in the category of speculation, it’s just that the way Even reacts kinda reminds me of someone who’s used to expecting a fight or argument over his attendance at the party, and he’s relieved when Isak doesn’t push him.

Oh, dude. When Isak says to take it one day at a time, and Even lets that sink in and starts to smile - you can see Isak smiling a little, too.

When Even smiles, he’s just so relieved? Relieved that Isak understands. Relieved that Isak isn’t going to call him out on his fib but that he just gets it and doesn’t put any pressure on Even. And Even is so, so happy that he has Isak. Lucky that he’s found him.

At the start of this scene, we have Even calling out Isak on a lie, and Isak saying no, he’s a master liar! We have a discussion about lies and it’s not really that serious because no one’s hurt by the lie in question. Here, in a reversal, we have Even lying, or at least fudging the truth, and Isak doesn’t call him out on it, not directly. He just absorbs Even’s change of mood, the words he’s saying, and makes it clear that there is no pressure on Even, that he meant it when he said they were going to take this thing perfectly chill.

Also, how absolutely excellent is the fact that Isak was able to read Even’s mood and anxiety without Even needing to lay it out in words? That is some serious mutual understanding. A lesser TV show would have the scene go like this:

Isak: Do you want to come to the Christmas party? Even: I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Isak: Okay, there’s no pressure to attend. Even: Thanks for understanding, I am so lucky to have you, baby.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with having so much covered directly in dialogue (and speaking personally, I struggle a lot with that problem when writing - I love writing dialogue, but I always end up with too many lengthy conversations with characters just talking about their feelings. Skam has really influenced me to start working on that and trying to find other ways for characters to communicate that are richer and less obvious.). But I think it is a lot stronger the way it’s depicted in this scene. I mean, this scene is the absolute essence of “show, don’t tell”! The way the scene is portrayed, it allows the actors to really focus their abilities - we can tell what Isak and Even are thinking because Tarjei and Henrik are knocking it out of the park and conveying everything we need to know with their eyes, their bodies, the full extent of their talent, rather than just relying on direct dialogue.

Also, think about what this approach says about Isak, or Evak. Making the realization subtle, relying on the subtext of a scene rather than the text, shows us how Isak has grown. Look at this emotional intelligence, look at the tremendous capacity for empathy he displays here with Even, to be able to read him and be patient and tender and understanding like this. And look how having the message go unsaid in words actually strengthens the depiction of their bond, that they don’t need to spell everything out in words - that they can just read each other that well even when one of them is saying something else. It’s fantastic. This scene puts so many other canon romances to shame.

I suspect that a scene like this stays with you longer than the scene with the direct emotional exposition, too. Because the delivery is more of an imprint, it calls on the viewer to read and interpret more, to pay attention to every nuance of the actors, to pay attention to the subtext. That makes the scene settle into your mind more deeply, causes your brain to spend more time with it, whereas a more straightforward scene with that kind of obvious dialogue and telegraphing of inner feelings will just tell you what you need to know, and your brain can move on.

Anyway. Even looks at Isak and you can tell he thinks that he’s the luckiest person in the word to have Isak. He just glows.(I don’t comment too much on actors’ looks because I don’t care all that much, but Henrik is beautiful in this scene. He looks like a damn angel.) He rolls on his side and gives Isak one careful, meaningful kiss to convey his gratitude and affection. They lie there with their noses brushing, Even smiling a little and sweeping his thumb over Isak’s cheek, both of them looking into each other’s eyes and loving each other. 

Jesus Christ, does Even have the biggest case of heart eyes ever in this scene or what? The amount of warmth and fondness and love pouring from them is just breathtaking. If you had a GIF of Even smiling and looking into Isak’s eyes in this clip, it’s like the distilled essence of love right there.

Also love how natural their touches are here at the end. It’s not just that they kiss and then lay there, it’s the thumb on the cheek that taps and moves and sweeps several times, how Even’s hand shifts its grip on the back of Isak’s neck. Again, when I talk about their chemistry being phenomenal, this is the kind of stuff I mean. It never stops. It’s not just like they hit their marks when it says “Even kisses Isak in the script” and they stop there, it’s that Henrik and Tarjei keep going and stay in the moment. Because I think obviously the script dictates a lot of their actions, and I have no doubt that Julie gives them good direction, but certain things I feel like have to be the actors just bringing everything they have to the scene, there’s no way you could micro-manage those touches to that extent.

Clip 4 - Isak gives nary a fuck

Isak rolls up to his squad in the courtyard all like HEY BOYSSSSS. Magnus asks how everything is going with Evak. Just in case you didn’t know Julie paid attention to the fandom!

Magnus is the #1 Evak shipper. Like I’m sure Jonas loves them, too, but Jonas is always gonna be watching out for his boy Isak first and foremost. Magnus is just ... in love with their love.

More seriously, I love that Magnus asks about them? Because Magnus is the one who filled in Isak about mental illness, Magnus is the one who was knowledgeable about what Even might be going through. He knows that Even might still be dealing with heavy stuff. So it’s nice that he checks in with Isak.

Isak says they’re taking it day by day, minute for minute. Magnus gets the idea to sell that to NRK. “Minutt for minutt” is a reference to Norwegian slow television in the first place (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_television) so obviously, Magnus brings up NRK due to that established Norwegian programming, plus it’s also a joke about Skam being an NRK show. A multi-layered joke!

It’s also really clever for Isak to think of that connection back in the first clip of the episode, like he’s thinking they’re going to make slow TV out of their lives.

“Even and Isak, minute by minute” is Magnus’ suggestion. Just watching their entire lives together, I guess. He’s extremely enthusiastic. He thinks people would watch it - hell, he’d watch it himself! Who is not surprised that Magnus would be interested in a nonstop Evak marathon?

No offense to Norwegians, because I can certainly see the appeal of slow television (I caught my mom watching Nasjonal vedkveld, or National Firewood Night, on Netflix around Christmas: “Watch Norwegians demonstrate how to chop and stack firewood, and then sit back and enjoy the slow burn of a crackling fireplace in a Bergen farmhouse.”) but personally I would find “Even and Isak, minute by minute” more compelling than a long boat journey or train ride, as pretty and soothing as they might be.

Isak says that’s kind of fucked up to think about people watching them. Well, I’m very glad he exists within the fourth wall, because knowing that he had a very fervent audience watching him moon over Even for months would probably freak him out.

Magnus is like, “Why? Because you’re banging on TV? Don’t you think I can handle watching two guys bang?” and ohhhh boy, pull up a chair so we can break this down. 

Magnus … why did your mind immediately go to thoughts of Isak and Even banging instead of, IDK, Isak saying it’s fucked up because he wants his privacy or doesn’t want people spying on his every move? Like them banging was just the first thing that popped into your head? All right.

Magnus, you know you can watch two dudes banging like … any time you want, right? It’s called the Internet. (I’m sorry but Magnus definitely went home and watched gay p*rn. You know, just to prove he could handle it. He could totally handle it!)

If Isak and Even ever decide to mess with Magnus for a laugh and proposition him for a threesome, Magnus is definitely going to laugh nervously in shock before seriously considering it, before Isak and Even reveal it’s a joke.

I’ve said this before, because I know Magnus is supposed to be the clueless straight dude who’s still a well-intentioned ally, but: if at some point in Magnus’ future he’s microwaving a burrito in the middle of the night, staring into the tunnel of radiation as the tortilla turns slowly like his thoughts, and he suddenly thinks to himself, “I am definitely a bisexual,” I’d be like, yep, sounds about right.

I mean, that’s if he already didn’t have an awakening when tall drink of water Even Bech Næsheim strolled into his life with his swoopy hair and denim jacket. Not that he had designs on Even, but like ... it’s Even, guys.

This is absolutely how Magnus will announce his revelation to his friends, I refuse to accept anything less awkward and earnest. (Isak is Paula.)

Isak thinks it’s more of a turnoff that Magnus would be watching them bang. Magnus is offended. “Do you think I’m a turnoff?” Isak is like … well, you’re not a turn-on. OUCH. Isak lives to drag Magnus and I love it.

Magnus is like BULLSHIT, you would bang me if you had the chance. Magnus, you were so desperate and horny this season that literally all Isak had to do was offer and you would probably seriously consider it, no matter whether he was your bro. Isak definitely had “the chance.”

But lmao, I love that Magnus is most concerned about not being a turn-on and needing to know that Isak finds him bangable. No offense, Magnus, but why do you care so much if Isak wants to fuck you? 

Magnus asks him who he would fuck first out of the squad. To absolutely no one’s surprise if you’ve seen S1 (or frankly, even if you haven’t), Isak picks Jonas without hesitation and he and Jonas high-five. Jonas is probably like, ha, I KNEW I wasn’t completely unattractive! Magnus is then like, who between me and Mahdi? Isak is like, “It would be you … MAHDI” and switches his gaze from Magnus to Mahdi mid-sentence. Goddamn, Isak is ice cold. At least Mahdi’s fucking thrilled about being in second place!

More seriously, how marvelous is it that Isak can joke about this with his friends without any kind of tension or fear of judgment? Can you imagine the Isak at the beginning of this season participating in this conversation? Joking about fucking his (male) friends? His internalized homophobia would never allow it. Also consider that the very first clip of the season, the very first conversation we hear, is about Isak talking about which girls he would bang, and now we’re here, talking about which dudes he’d bang. We’ve gone from Isak being fake to Isak being real. We’ve come full circle in the hypothetical banging. This is a funny conversation but it’s also a mark of clear character development for Isak and establishing the good rapport he has with his bros. The boy squad has grown into a powerful force. 

Magnus is upset no one wants to bang him. Isak is like, you’re too desperate. See, Isak presents it like a flaw, Even will assure Magnus to just let all his desperation out there, like it’s an asset. Which is probably why Magnus appears to love Even so much. Even totally gets it, guys.

Mahdi spies the dance chicks coming. I have to say I find this to be an underrated music moment. It’s a quirky choice of song, the lyrics are very strange and comical. It reminds me of a clueless teenage boy’s POV of girls, which very much fits the scenario. Quick, the girls are coming, we’ll need to talk to them! Uhhh, what do girls like again? Shoes, dancing, boys! 

The boys sans Isak gape at the girls as they approach. Isak doesn’t seem too impressed. It’s a parallel to the first dance chicks scene, except then Isak’s lack of interest was funny but stressful, it was something that alienated him from the other guys, it was something he had to hide. Here his lack of interest is something he can just be open about, it’s purely amusement without the stress.

That one dance chick on the end looks a SHIT TON like Taylor Swift.

I do like that these dance girls - while admittedly all white and blond, which had to be intentional - look pretty typical for high school hot chicks. They’re not like supermodels Julie hired for the day, they’re the kind of girls you’d see at your school.

I’m not actually positive all the girls were in the previous dance chicks scene? I think the one who does the talking was in it, I can’t tell if the others were. But - and I mean this respectfully - they were all dancing, and I cannot tell all these blonde white girls in motion apart.

Anyway, the dance chicks go up to the boy squad. One of them seems to be appointed the official dance chicks representative and does the talking. The one next to her gives her kind of a nod and a look that suggests they planned how they were going to approach this, like “Let’s get that one gay guy to come to our party, what do we say?”

The head dance chick says that they know about Isak’s thing with Even and graciously bestows her approval onto him. Two boys together is so cute! Yikes. You know, this is an interesting scene because it goes after another type of homophobia, a “benevolent” one. These girls probably think they’re allies and are progressive, that this a good thing they’re doing. I mean, they think two boys together is so cute, right? Surely Isak would love to hear this! Gay rights!

There’s also perhaps some meta-commentary on Evak fandom here, since it’s in the same scene as Magnus dropping the ship name. Sometimes I think fandom overuses the “you’re FETISHIZING” argument just to shut down debate and bash ships, like do I think any girl who ships Evak is fetishizing by default? Fuck no. I think it’s more what the dance girls do here - “two guys together is cute.” It’s making a generalization, it’s treating gay couples as an object for straight girls’ entertainment rather than seeing them as people.

Also, those girls don’t even know Isak. They had to clarify that it was him when they approached him. With that in mind, it’s extra uncomfortable. I think it would be slightly different if someone like Sana or Eva said, aww, you guys are cute, because they at least know Isak and Even and hopefully were judging their “cuteness” based on their friends’ compatibility and their specific relationship, seeing them as people, rather than these strangers who are just like “boy + boy = cute” without knowing anything about them as individuals or the dynamic of that relationship. (Although we also see Vilde be like, “I love gays!” and she knows Isak and Even somewhat more. But then again, that’s Vilde for you.)

And lmao, they couldn’t have given a shit about the boy squad before Isak was outed, like learning he was gay just made them want to include him as a decoration at the Christmas party, next to the tree and the tinsel. Or suddenly turn him into their gay best friend. (I don’t want Isak to deal with these people who view him so superficially, but part of me also wants him to troll people who try to use him this way and just be the grumpiest, least fun gay best friend ever.)

Anyway, the boy squad exchange some looks. It seems like they are aware of how awkward the dance chicks’ comments are, but I don’t think that’s stopping them from being like “hot girls are talking to us” so they’re also hyped that the girls are here in front of them.

In response to their comment about him and Even, Isak is just like, cool. I love that tiny moment from the dance girls where they’re hesitating or not sure of themselves? Like maybe Isak didn’t react with effusive graciousness, maybe he didn’t instantly invite them to go shopping, so they’re a little thrown. They share another look. Dance rep says they’re having a get together on Friday and invites Isak. Magnus is like, HUNGRY EYES. Isak, completely unfazed, says he’s got the kosegruppa party on Friday, as the boy squad’s looks turn from excitement to horror.

I fucking loooove Isak for this moment. Because he doesn’t even hesitate, he just says he’s got kosegruppa, without any shame. From what I understand … kosegruppa didn’t seem to be the coolest organization around, right? (Even: “Did you think I was there to have fun?”) I mean, it’s run by “the biggest losers in school.” And the dance group almost certainly has more social capital. But Isak just matter of factly chooses the dorky revue group over the hot girl squad. And I love that Isak has been so grumpy and unimpressed with kosegruppa but now he’s embracing it. (I will say it to the end of time: We missed out on kosegruppa antics after this season. I wanted to see sooooo much of them.)

I mean, I’m also sure it didn’t hurt that it was a legit excuse not to hang out with these girls who were probably going to be cooing at him all night, but I like to think that Isak is both rejecting the “fake” party and embracing the silly but real party, with people like Sana and Eva who mean something to him.

The dance chicks seem stunned that Isak has chosen a crappy kosegruppa party rather than their party. They wander away. The boy squad makes faces at Isak.

Tarjei’s delivery of “What?” is truly golden. He sounds like a puppy yelping for treats. He plays it so sincerely that it’s hard to tell whether Isak really doesn’t get the impact of what he just did, or whether he’s that skilled at messing with his straight friends.

Mahdi is like, Christmas kosegruppa get together??? Isak is so nonchalant in how he replies. Oh yeah, I’m hosting it, so you’re invited. There is NO shame, no embarrassment when earlier in the season he hid it from his friends that he was hosting the pre-drink (which I think was a combination of embarrassment at hosting a kosegruppa party and of trying to keep the life with his friends separate from his life with Even in it and not have them intersect). He’s so cute and earnest here.

Mahdi says “the gates of paradise were open” (lmao) and instead Isak chose Christmas kosegruppa. What the hell, man.

Isak considers his friends. Then, like the coolest, sagest motherfucker on the planet, says, “Guys, you have to start getting chicks yourself,” and peaces out, dropping the mic as he leaves. Like he just leaves them in his confident gay dust.

Lmao, I love that, though. The thing is, it’s funny, but it’s not just that - again, it’s character development! Earlier this season we had Isak pressured into organizing a pre-drink with Emma and her friends because his friends wanted it, even though he was clearly reluctant. We had Isak also pressured into heading to Emma’s party in episode 5, when he had made it clear they’d ended on bad terms and he didn’t want to deal with her, because the boy squad needed a way in and they thought Isak had the golden ticket. Now he’s done with that. He’s not going to sacrifice his comfort and happiness just to help his friends hook up with girls. He’s done being smooth ladies’ man Isak, for obvious reasons. Time for the rest of the boy squad to step up for themselves.

We get a little more POV breakage in this last episode, as we stick with the boy squad a wee bit after Isak leaves. Mahdi and Jonas are still baffled, Magnus laments how unfair the world is and asks if they should ditch Isak’s party and go to the dance chicks’ one. It’s just a cute moment. I wonder if Julie liked David’s delivery here so she kept it in. I don’t mind POV breakage when again, it’s the last episode and Isak’s arc is basically wrapping up, and also when it’s something that isn’t an earth-shattering revelation - like there’s nothing here that we couldn’t have guessed ourselves about how the boy squad were reacting to this turn of events. It’s just a nice little coda to the clip.

Clip 5 - Make the Yuletide gay

It’s the last clip of the season, guys. I know I could have watched four more hours of Isak’s story. Get NRK on the phone with Magnus, have him pitch Isak and Even, minutt for minutt, so we can make that happen.

At the same time, this season is paced so well that I can’t fault it for not being longer. Every scene has a point. Nothing feels unnecessarily drawn out. The story clips along briskly. Isak’s arc feels full and realized.

Anyway, I’m getting my tissues out as to say goodbye to S3 and Isak’s POV.

This clip, and the whole episode, make me feel really festive. I associate it with all the sensations of when I watched S3 for the first time. Christmas lights outside, colder weather. 

One thing going into this clip - I thought William might show up. It seemed like the season may have been building to that. Now, regardless of my feelings on Noorhelm, we had Noora struggling with her relationship with William all season, right? It was a parallel to Isak’s relationship with Even. If he really loves you, he’ll choose you. No one is willing to sacrifice anything for love in 2016. Those were also meant to apply to Isak’s thoughts and anxiety with Even. But, of course, Even did choose Isak, Even did sacrifice his existing relationship for one with Isak. Isak and Even get a happy finale. So … if that happened for Isak, it would make sense for Noora to similarly get a happy finale with William. But obviously William doesn’t show up. And I’m perfectly fine with that, although I have to say … if he were going to show up at all this season, I think it would’ve been way better here, in the finale, when we’re wrapping things up, rather than in the middle of the season. I mean, not to throw shade at S4, but William’s appearance in S4 episode 8 could not help but focus Sana’s final POV-focused episode on Noorhelm to a large degree. This finale is closing out some arcs anyway, like Magnus/Vilde, so it’s not terribly out of place.

I wonder if Julie wrote this season finale in a way that William could have returned if Thomas had wanted, but he was not available/didn’t want to.

This clip, and the whole episode, make me feel really festive. I associate it with all the sensations of when I watched S3 for the first time. Christmas lights outside, colder weather.

The first thing we see is Isak and the boy squad being cute. Did Jonas and Magnus acquire those Christmas sweaters in a hurry, or did they happen to have them on hand?

Just a note, that I’m really glad the boy squad ended up at this party. I mean, from a Doylist perspective, they were always going to, because Julie was not going to end Isak’s season without his squad present, but from a Watsonian perspective, I love that they did choose this warm, cozy party with the people they care about rather than what likely would have been impersonal with the dance chicks. (I’m probably projecting. They would have been fine seeing all the hot girls.)

Really, though, we have most of the characters we care about and who were important to this season? Isak, Even, boy squad, girl squad, Eskild and Linn. It’s Isak’s support network, the people who’ve helped him grow.

It’s Penetrator Chris! He and Eva are still friends with benefits, but apparently friendly enough that he’ll go to this Christmas party with her. You know, I didn’t think much about what tension this may have caused with Jonas there. I think they’re probably all over that drama considering Jonas has been to parties with P-Chris present before (in the S2 finale, for one) and that P-Chris reaches out to Jonas in the S4 final episode to ask how to flirt with Eva, lmao.

Anyway, I think P-Chris and Eva were definitely hooking up for the fans. I don’t have any strong feelings about Penetrator Chris outside of finding him kind of amusing in certain contexts, and I ended up being a big Eva/Jonas fan, but lol, this is kind of sweet that he showed up.

Eskild is wearing tights??? Very tight, very shiny pants, at least. And he’s got mistletoe strategically positioned over his ass, lmao. I can’t be sure but I think he is also wearing mascara.

I love that this party is less about getting wasted and making out and more about like ...making ornaments! And cookies! How sweet and wholesome.

Of course I write that right as girl Chris is making like a papier-mâché dick. And Eskild and Linn are putting condom ornaments on that tree. Guys, I think enough sex is happening among the various occupants of your apartment that you might want to hang on to the condoms rather than filling them with glitter, IDK.

Linn has also attended the party, bless her, and she and Eskild argue whether the tree is straight or bent, which seems to be a double entendre, as he concludes by asking her if she’s queer. Lmao, Eskild.

Also love that Linn chimes in that it’s straight right after the song lyrics are “Make the Yuletide gay.”

The girl squad is making Christmas crafts. Noora mentions “Drummer Boy” by Justin Bieber, I’m not sure what the context is, but Noora’s interest in Justin Bieber is kind of a nice running gag they have with her. I wonder what she thinks of him on a personal level?

The girls talk about exams. Chris is failing German and English, having no idea there was a 10% absence limit. So Isak wasn’t the only person struggling this semester. Sana and Vilde are like, we told you about the limit! Chris says that she assumed Vilde said that because she was jealous Chris was hanging out with Kasper so much. So was Chris skipping class specifically to hang with Kasper?

Throughout the season there’s been a pretty understated arc about Vilde not hooking up with anyone and feeling jealous about being alone. In the first episode, we had her eyeballing the hot first years with distaste and being seemingly miffed that Chris brought Kasper to the kosegruppa meeting because they were doing so much together. Then we had Vilde complaining to the boy squad about first year girls stealing the older boys and second year girls not having anyone to hook up with. We had Vilde and Magnus flirting, with her saying that she didn’t have anyone she wanted to hook up with at Emma’s party. Here we come back to that, as Vilde seems pretty jealous that her friends are getting laid and she isn’t.

This is actually interesting in light of S4’s opening clip, because both Sana and Vilde apparently told Chris about the absence limit, but Chris seems to direct her jealousy comment at only Vilde, maybe. Perhaps because the girls assume that Sana has no sexual feelings or desire to hook up with anyone, and don’t realize that just because she doesn’t do it means she doesn’t want it. But Sana is also without a boyfriend and the girls seem to think this is the natural state of things.

I wonder if Vilde was also jealous not just of Chris having a boyfriend, but Chris no longer being so available for her? We know that she and Chris are very tight, they seem to have known each other longer than anyone int he girl squad, and Kasper would’ve taken Chris away from Vilde.

Vilde gets up and stomps away, saying she gets tons of dick. Girl … no, you don’t. Anyway, now she’s on a quest for Christmas wang.

I do love lesbian/bi Vilde theories and I think you can easily twist this scene into Vilde needing to prove something among the girls rather than just her sexual frustration, if that’s more your style.

By the way, Vilde is 10 kinds of cute in that Santa hat. Look at her freckles!

Noora smirks at that comment about Vilde not getting any dick. Girl, you are not getting any dick, either. The dick you were previously getting went cold as an icicle and you refuse to use Tinder.

Chris offers to give Vilde her decorated dick. Noora has been making a condom ornament. I legit wrote about 10 gross jokes but I deleted them out of an attempt at good taste.

Eva is like … is that a used condom? By Eskild? Lmao, I don’t think that’s an actual used condom but Noora’s reaction is funny. The girls are like, get that used condom away from me, and Eva suggests smelling it???? What world do these girls live in that they need to test if a condom is used by smelling it? Like I’d rather just take a chance that I’d throw out a perfectly good, unused condom rather than smelling some random condom that has been ... used. I would not put myself through that.

Now we switch to what’s cooking in the kitchen with the boy squad! What’s cooking is a plan to get Magnus to finally make a move on Vilde.

Can we please appreciate Jonas’ “Merry Crustmas” sweater and Magnus’s Christmas elf sweater? Isak looks very nice in his button-up shirt but I’m not going to pretend I kind of wanted a Christmas sweater on him. Same with Mahdi.

Mahdi tells Magnus that he’s the predator and Vilde is the prey, he’s the lion and she’s the zebra, and it is a credit to the likability and sweetness of these boys that this just comes across as funny rather than creepy. Maybe because they’re basically teasing Magnus rather than this being 100% serious advice.

Magnus says he’s nervous. Isak asks whether he’s in love with Vilde. Magnus says he thinks so. That’s kind of sweet, lmao. I think the boys saw Magnus’ thing for Vilde as a joke but this makes it a touch more serious. Magnus wants to know what if she says no? Again, the uncertainty is cute. Isak says it’s not the end of the world if she says no, but to think of it as a positive thing if she says yes. Which is quite good advice!

Magnus frets over his sweater, whether it looks good, whether to touch Vilde. You know, this scene is even cuter now than when I first saw it? Because it’s easy to dismiss Magnus/Vilde as a joke pairing, and I completely understand why people would dislike that ship - I’m not a ride or die fan of it myself - but Magnus is so earnest and vulnerable here, wanting to get it right, and the boys are so sweet and trying their best to give him good advice. They’re not being sleazy about it, either.

Isak’s gaze changes because who should walk in but Even? Guys, it’s Even!!! No, really, I think Julie was definitely playing with the viewers a little, because Even’s attendance was not set in stone for this scene - I mean, look, there was no way he wasn’t going to be in the last clip of the season, but Even himself seemed unclear whether he wanted to attend. And yeah, we have Isak and Even kissing in the still frame for the clip, but seeing Even walk in here is like relief. We smile because it’s Even, guys!

Compared to the other boys, Even seems dressed down. It looks like he’s wearing sweatpants. His hand is not styled. It seems like he hasn’t been joining the whole party, he must have been camping out in Isak’s room or something. Perhaps talking to his mom. And I think that’s lovely? No pressure to attend, he can come and go at his own pace, he didn’t have to dress up. And everyone is fine with this. The boy squad treats him normally.

Okay, we gotta talk about those gingerbread cookies on the wall. There’s a gingerbread dick, and two gingerbread boys holding hands. 

First of all: what an inspired set choice, and I want to know who came up with the idea, and whose job it was to go home and bake dick-shaped gingerbread cookies. 

Second: in-universe, who do you think baked the cookies? Because my bet is on Even. We know he cooks a bit and I can see him baking during the day when Isak isn’t there, now that he feels a little better, but most importantly: the guy who drops dick references at any opportunity? How could he resist an opportunity to craft a gingerbread phallus? Or proclaim his love for Isak by recreating the Evak ship in cookie form?

It could also be a group activity, of course. I also think Eskild would make a dick cookie, but I do not buy him baking cookies on his own so much. I would love if it were a dark horse candidate like Noora, but the ultimate stealth penis baker: Linn. She has it in her. I know it.

One of those gingerbread dudes looks like he might be jizzing, but I suppose those could also be buttons.

Isak tells Even that the boys are helping Magnus fuck Vilde. Mahdi and Jonas are encouraging Magnus not to be desperate, but Magnus is confused about what desperate means in this scenario.

A detail I have never noticed, and that I fucking love: Jonas suggests that Magnus picture a cool, laid-back guy, and pretend to be him, and Mahdi says, “Maybe picture Jonas?” and points to Jonas. MY HEART. MY FUCKING HEART. Really, Jonas and Mahdi have such a side friendship going on. Of course Isak and Jonas are the BFFs, but Jonas and Mahdi have their own thing happening. Jonas is probably how Mahdi got pulled into the boy squad in the first place.

And now we get Even’s advice. He thinks Magnus should be himself and take desperate to the next level. Hey, he’s onto something! I mean, it worked for Even, being the most desperate dude alive. Now he and Isak are together. Also, man, this is going to endear Even to Magnus even further, when his sage advice is what got him and Vilde together. Even is a miracle worker.

I love that we see Even look into the camera, meaning he’s looking at Isak, while the boys are talking. This is such a small thing, but the fact that Even’s always looking to Isak even in group scenes does SO much for their chemistry. He can’t help but gravitate to him.

But also, that look was definitely putting Isak in on the joke, like, “Remember how my desperation worked for us? Trust me, I would know about taking desperate to the next level.”

Magnus decides fuck it, he’s gonna show Vilde how desperate he is, and Jonas and Mahdi follow him out, laughing. They gotta see this. Recently we had the clip of them cheering in the bloopers and I WISH we had seen their adorable reactions to the Magnus/Vilde hook up.

So now it’s just Isak and Even in the kitchen together, their last one-on-one scene of the season. The last time they interact directly, unless you count the glance across the room they share toward the end.

Even goes for Isak’s waist, and Isak touches his shoulder - good. The physical contact between the two is so casual and natural and makes you feel like these two are really a couple. Also, that casual as fuck domestic kiss, and Isak’s breathy tone of voice - he’s so satisfied being a married man.

Isak asks how’s it going. Even says that it’s fine, but that his mom is nagging because she really wants to meet Isak. We were deprived of that scene in canon, but Julie gave it to us in the scripts.

Isak is like … oh. Clearly a little nervous, taken aback, doing his best not to show it. Even asks if they should drop by tomorrow, and Isak agrees. I don’t think he can entirely shake off his nerves, because holy shit, Even’s mom wants to meet him - and Isak hasn’t been having the best luck with the adults in his life, tbh, and it’s always nerve-wracking to meet the future in-laws and you want to make a good impression - but he’s going to do it anyway. When Even asks if he thinks it’s awkward, Isak says he doesn’t think anything is awkward anymore. Awww. Character development! He’s rising to meet new challenges. Plus I think it might be a little awkward with like … meeting Even’s parents after the hotel scene, like Isak and Even’s bangfest got interrupted by Even walking out naked and getting picked up by the police. Sort of the elephant in the room, that night was a big uncomfortable ordeal, but Isak’s just going to deal with the weirdness of it.

Here we have Even looking at his phone and giving a befuddled look that would inspire countless theories. Why did Even react like that? Was it Mikael coming to ruin Evak’s happiness???? Whatever it was, it was probably just Henrik mucking up something on the phone, or maybe playing it as Even shaking his head at his mom’s nagging, or something innocuous. Maybe Isak borrowed Even’s phone and Even’s found his Google search results, like why is BUTT showing up all of a sudden?? You can project whatever you want on his reaction.

Isak says, as long as you’re smiling and wearing clothes, life is chill. Awww. Of course everything is great when Even is doing well, he just likes it when Even smiles. And of course there’s that little joke about Even wearing clothes. It’s nice how the hotel incident is no longer this terrifying incident in his mind, but something they can laugh about, like Magnus can laugh about his mom messing with the railway guy.

Even’s response to that, his expression of raising his eyebrows and grinning, is so funny and lovely, and it’s good to see from him, too! That he recognizes Isak’s joke, and that it’s not something to be ashamed of, but something he can laugh about, too.

Even promises to wear clothes, which is thoughtful of him, lol. I don’t think Isak has a lot of objections to Even not wearing clothes, but Even’s parents there would make it weird.

Isak gives him a fond-ass look, They kiss and this is the sweetest kiss, it’s a little passionate but ends with these two short pecks. It feels very natural. They start to rub noses because of course, gotta get in one of those, when Sana interrupts.

Man, think about being Sana and seeing Isak and Even be so cuddly and kissy! Isak, the grumpy partner from biology class, who’s now so soft and open, and Even, her brother’s friend who’s gone through some rough shit, smiling and at peace. It must be so nice to see these guys so happy together. Also, think about what a plot twist for these two random dudes on the edges of her life to find love together, lmao.

Isak happily greets Sana, and Even and Sana are “introduced.” I legit am not sure whether Julie had this storyline in mind at this point. Because definitely this scene kicked off a lot of theories, and speculation that they knew each other. I don’t think Iman and Henrik knew this backstory. But I don’t think I can totally write off the possibility that Julei didn’t have it in mind, because of little details like Even’s pictures of Muslim women on his wall, or the line about him learning the Quran. 

For sure a lot of people wanted Even/Sana friendship in the next season. But generally, people were like “Wouldn’t it be cool if we saw them talking about the Quran at a party or something?” not “What if Even had tried to kill himself and Sana knew about it?”

Additionally, that little line when they’re introduced, when Sana says, “kosegruppa” - strangely that feels like support to me that this was planned? Because I mean, obviously they would know each other through kosegruppa. They’re at a kosegruppa party. So in context, it kinda seems like a little inside joke ... Isak asks if they know each other, they play act being introduced, Sana adds “kosegruppa” to reinforce that she’s not going to give away Even’s secret and that of course it’s through kosegruppa they know each other, not any other way.

Anyway, they’re cute, Iman’s cute. Isak introduces Sana as his biology partner ...AND FRIEND. AHHHHH. Gorgeous. Unexpectedly, Sana managed to become a special person in his life.

I love when Even asks how Isak is in biology, and Isak gives him kind of this “really?” look. Like Even’s winding up Isak and Isak is all, ha ha, very funny.

Sana’s reaction! She makes a face and says he’s useful, and of course Isak has to protest and talk up how great he is. I’m surprised he didn’t say, “I’m the MASTER of biology!” Even looks fond and amused at Isak being incensed at told he’s not great at something, yet again.

Sana hands Isak her little gift. It’s the 10%! Awww. Not only is this a funny gift, but it’s a mark of how far they’ve come this season? At the start of S3, she was blackmailing him and keeping his weed. She gave back 90% of it, but only after he’d done what she asked. Here she doesn’t have a reason to give it back here except good will. This is just a warm, friendly gesture with nothing expected in return.

Even: “Cool biology partner.” Damn straight!

While Isak is busy having warm feelings toward Sana, Even has taken the weed. Isak notices and snatches it back. Appreciate Isak’s hand on Even’s because that’s the only hand-holding we’re getting until S4.

So there was a bit of debate over this next part, when Isak snatches the weed from Even and the conversation that follows. Because the opinion that many people took was, isn’t this like what Sonja was doing with Even? Controlling him? And I can certainly understand why people would feel this way and wouldn’t care for this part. I had sort of a kneejerk “hmmm” response watching it for the first time. It’s one of those things that doesn’t bother me now, and I think there are certain differences between what Isak does and how Sonja handled these kinds of issues, perhaps. It has a lot to do with tone, I think.

First, Isak waited until Sana was gone to take back the weed - not sure it was intentional on his part since he didn’t seem to notice Even had the weed until Sana had left, but he didn’t make these comments until he and Even were alone. We saw with Sonja that she would make comments to Even in front of other people, such as asking him to cut down on drinking in front of Isak and Emma. So I think that by itself makes it perhaps easier for Even, that he’s not being embarrassed or scolded in front of other people.

Second, the way this conversation unfolds makes it seem like a joke. It doesn’t devolve into a serious lecture about Even’s smoking and what he needs to do and not do, it’s banter about Isak being paid to date Even. So I think that also takes some of the pressure off, because Even doesn’t feel like he’s being parented or controlled. 

Finally … Isak has been dating Even for not long at all. He’s known Even is bipolar for what, like two weeks? So frankly. he might not get everything perfect at first, although there’s no indication Even is seriously upset with him here. But Isak has time to figure out this relationship and what to do and what not to do. Sonja had been dating Even for years, and even if he wasn’t diagnosed during that entire time, I think the way they acted together was more set in stone, probably it had been a while that this resentment had built up.

Anyway, Even asks if Isak is going to be telling him what to do now, Isak says that’s his job. Their faces are very close to each other’s. They’re flirting hardcore. Pretty sure this was all improv, about Isak finding a poster that said Even needed an assistant and boyfriend, and it’s fucking adorable.

Also, the importance of Isak saying, “Holy fuck, he’s hot!” He went from not being able to admit when a guy was attractive, lest he be seen as gay, to being able to comment on his boyfriend’s hotness openly. Bravo, Isak. It isn’t even a struggle for him here, it’s an easy statement.

I love how they look at each other and how Even leans in for the kiss as Isak is getting his sentence out, I love that Isak grabs Even by the back of the head for the kiss.That tells me how committed these actors were to getting into character, they make Isak and Even look so passionate. Like, Isak is 110% into this kiss!

I want to talk about their chemistry here in particular, because this is what sets them apart from other couples you see on TV. Look at this body language. It comes so easily to them to touch each other! They don’t break away and put space between them immediately after the kiss, they stay in each other’s personal space and keep their hands on each other. Look at how Isak’s hand slowly drifts from the back of Even’s head down his throat, lingering over the Adam’s apple, and stays on Even’s chest. Look how Even goes in for that easy brush of the cheek and tucks Isak’s hair behind his ears - and notice how Isak mirrors that gesture, by tucking Even’s hair afterwards. Now that is really great, like Isak is taking cues from Even on how to act with him, what feels nice, what makes him feel good and loved by Even, and he’s then using those cues back at Even. None of this moment feels stilted or fake. They feel like two people who are utterly in love and want to keep their hands on each other at all costs.

Let’s appreciate Even’s “what?” after Isak says Even’s mom is paying him to date Even, as well as the shove. Precious.

Also what an excellent bit of banter, that Isak brings it back to Even’s mom wanting to “meet” him. Ha! Tarjei’s delivery is so so good here, Isak seems so happy and good-natured. And a tiny thing, but I love that he starts to get his line out when Even is still reacting, and then restarts it. It’s one of Skam’s naturalistic touches, it makes it seem less like a rehearsed, scripted TV show and more realistic.

They tease each other, Even wants some of that money, Isak says it’s his money, this is all flirting. They really really want each other at this point. I think Even’s “drive” is back, if you know what I mean. I felt like he was two seconds away from throwing Isak up on the counter.

And that great kiss! It’s so different from the other kisses in this scene! Seriously, they’ve exchange four different kisses in about 2-3 minutes; 1) the brief, familiar hello kiss 2) the sweet, tender “gonna meet your mom” kiss 3) the passionate, teasing banter kiss 4) the “I can’t believe I’m here with you” entertained kiss. They all have different lengths, different levels of intensity, different gestures that go along with them. Imagine your OTP having this amount of variety. (I can!)

We cut to Vilde, probably because whatever happened next with Evak would’ve melted computer screens. Vilde is hanging up ornaments. Specifically, an ornament with a cute cat on it. Magnus approaches her. It’s a little quiet between them, although Magnus seems happy just to be near her. He asks her if she likes cats. Well, we know she does? She went as a cat for Halloween that one year. Anyway, she smiles as if he asked her the best question ever.

Magnus says he does too. Vilde seems to consider this fact with grave importance. Whatever will she do with this amazing piece of information?

What she does is meow. She meows, everybody.

Luckily, Magnus is charmed and/or turned on by this. He asks what was that, and while at first she downplays it, he asks her to do it again, and she does it again, meowing with perhaps even greater enthusiasm. Where the first meow was uncertain, this meow is imbued with confidence and Vilde’s beautiful smile.

Magnus is getting massively turned on from this, let’s be real. He’s biting his lip and looking at Vilde like she’s a snack. He suddenly gets serious and says he’s never fucked before and he really wants to fuck. Well, he’s being honest, I’ll say that much.

Vilde considers this admission of truth, and says, with dignity, that Magnus is welcome to fuck her, with a satisfied smile. Magnus looks as if she has given him the world and thanks her so it’s barely audible. He swoops in and kisses her.

Okay, look … feelings about the overall execution of Magnus/Vilde after this point aside, this is a funny and weirdly cute scene. It’s dopey and awkward but earnest, these kids are being deadly serious.

So when do we think these two got it on? Did they leave together and go to one of their homes, or did they find an empty room in Isak’s flat? Was there a line of people waiting to use the bathroom as Magnus and Vilde were busy? I feel like Isak would suddenly become Mr. Clean and sanitize the entire apartment if Magnus and Vilde had fucked there. (I mean, maybe that’s how you get Isak to do his duties and pick up after himself around the flat. Rent out the space for Magnus/Vilde private time, and afterwards Isak will go on a cleaning frenzy.)

Eva is painting an ornament and Isak asks to sit next to her. I feel like this scene was here mostly because people wanted Isak and Eva to interact, after going a whole season where they barely spoke, but it works, this scene feels fitting. It’s a conversation between the two of them where Isak gets to demonstrate how much he’s grown.

They even comment on how it’s been a long time since they’ve talked, which is understandable; I think Isak’s actions in S1 did something really drastic to their friendship, understandably, and that even after they talked about it, it wasn’t the same. Plus Eva broke up with Jonas so she wasn’t in Isak’s orbit as much, and Eva had made her own group of friends. Though I do think they were friendly in their own right, there just weren’t as many chances to hang out as they used to have.

They used to hang out so much, and now they only say hi at school. Awwww. Isn’t that the way it often goes? At least Isak and Eva mention how they should hang out more often, that they miss the times when they would hang out, in junior high and summer before Nissen. When there was a lot of drama, lol. That’s when Eva and Jonas would have gone behind Ingrid’s backs and cheated, and when she found out and all that. I can see it being a total mess? I believe Eva, Ingrid, Sara, Jonas, and Isak used to hang out more as a group - like didn’t Isak and Sara have a kind of romance going on in junior high? They dated a little bit? I can’t see that as anything serious, but that group seemed to have a lot of entanglements.

Eva mentions that Isak has gotten a boyfriend. Isak says yes, with some pride, and maybe a touch of astonishment that he’s gotten that far, to the point where he has a boyfriend.

They look over at Even, who’s assisting Eskild hang some mistletoe. Even is the exact person you need to help you hang up anything around the house, let’s be real. Eva comments that Even is very handsome, and Isak agrees - another moment where he can allow himself to admit that a guy is hot. Not even to Even, this time, but to Eva! To another person! 

Eva jokes that she might steal Even. I wonder if the comment about “You better watch out for me, I might steal him,” lighthearted as it was, is what prompted Isak to bring up the S1 drama and apologize again. It prompted some memories of last year and his own behavior. Honestly, I think Isak had this talk in mind before he sat down - we know he’s been trying to bury the hatchet and make amends with people he has hurt. But maybe he didn’t know quite how to bring it up, and this was what gave him the push to do so.

Isak says he’s been thinking about what happened last year, and he wants to apologize for doing what he could to break up Eva and Jonas. It wasn’t right. Interesting that he makes clear he has been thinking about it lately, like the guilt has been weighing on him. I think maybe, because he got a taste of what happened with Eva recently, with him being outed at school versus her being bullied after he exposed that she kissed Chris, he can put herself in her shoes and understand exactly what spilling her secret did to her.

Again, this is why I like Isak. He fucks up but he apologizes. He does have empathy, he does care about how his actions affect people. He may not always get it right the first time, but he’s not some completely selfish little shit.

Eva says that Isak didn’t fuck things up between them, it was her and Jonas who fucked things up. Isak says he still feels like he tricked her, such as saying he had feelings for her. Ultimately, Eva and Jonas had their own issues - if these issues of doubt and lack of trust didn’t exist, then Isak wouldn’t have been able to come between them no matter how much scheming he did. Jonas and Eva did plenty on their own to tank their relationship. But Isak did throw some logs on the fire. And honestly, him lying about why he betrayed Eva, that he liked Eva instead of Jonas - that’s probably the least wrong thing he did, lmao. I can at least sympathize with why he lied about that.

Eva laughs and says she figured that out. She never mentions the BUTT and related content on the phone, which is fair, it would probably be embarrassing and an invasion of privacy. She says that she’s over it and he should be too. Awww. It’s nice of them to really lay it out there and get over this stuff. Isak looks at her so pleased. I mean, Isak apologized and they talked about it at the end of S1, but the thing is, it didn’t really heal their friendship or anything. I think they needed time for the wounds to heal, space from each other … Eva’s gained independence and Isak has found his real self. They’re both more mature people, so this can be some old drama to leave in the past, basically.

Eva wants to change the subject to Isak’s new boyfriend, obviously a very hot topic. Is he the man of Isak’s life, she asks?

Isak takes this question way more seriously than necessary, lmao, though not in a bad way! He says he doesn’t know, and ohhhh boy, while I like this speech a lot, I don’t blame anyone for having a kneejerk WTF at that. Even Eva seems taken aback, like maybe she’s not thinking Evak OTP 4-Ever but she wasn’t expecting this kind of blunt response. She wants to know why.

He asks whether it’s important, and she says no, but wants to know if things are going well with him and Even. Isak says it’s great now, but a week ago it was very bad, it’s up and down. I do want to point out that like, Isak and Even are just settling into their relationship, and two weeks ago Isak was blindsided by Even’s manic episode. This was something he was completely unprepared to deal with. But now he knows that Even is bipolar, they’re more open with each other, Isak has educated himself and risen to the occasion on taking care of Even. So I do think Isak is maybe overstating how “up and down” it will be from now on - obviously things won’t be perfect, no relationship is, but I think it’s fair to think that their relationship will be more stable going forward. Again, Isak is new to this relationship, he’s really new to any romance based on genuine feelings rather than fake feelings. It’s natural to have doubts, and he’s being pretty mature here acknowledging both the good and the bad.

He says the reason it’s so good when it’s good is why it’s so bad when it’s bad. Makes sense. Isak hurt so much at various points of the season because his feelings for Even were very real and intense, and when things were going swimmingly, they were amazing. The thing with love is that you are always risking something. In order to get the happiness that comes with love, you have to be willing to accept the potential pain as well.

“Suddenly it can be over tomorrow.” Isak :( It does make me a little sad that he has to live with this idea, but again, it’s mature in the long run. And frankly you could say this about any relationship, even ones with no obvious obstacles.

But this is also in line with the minutt for minutt approach - take it one day at a time. Don’t put this big stress or these huge expectations on yourself. Like if you’re going to take it one minute at a time so you don’t get weighed down by the bad stuff, then honestly, it kinda makes sense to do so for the good stuff as well? I mean, people get so worked up about what their lives are supposed to be - they’re supposed to be in a relationship, they’re supposed to get married and have kids by this or that age, they’re supposed to get into this university and get that degree and be on that career path according to the calendar. It’s OK to not have it all figured out. It’s OK not to put that stress on yourself.

Regardless, Isak is really happy that he met Even. Not just because he became certain he liked guys, as Eva suggests - and I think Isak was pretty certain about that prior to meeting Even - but because he was fake before. He doesn’t really go into it with Eva, but we know that part of him being fake was pretending to like girls, making out with girls, flirting with girls. Disavowing anything that could be construed as gay. Meeting Even was the catalyst for all of that to change. Meeting Even led to him coming out, to being in a relationship with another boy rather than living a heterosexual lie.

But interestingly, Isak doesn’t limit his fake life to his sexuality. It was him lying at home, watching Narcos and playing video games. Basically being bored and passive. Being detached from the world. He had this secret and I think it led him to retreating from everyone and everything in a meaningful way in order to cover it up. Isak is done with that, he wants his life to be real. He doesn’t want to be an observer or sit on the sidelines, he wants to live authentically and actively. (This explains a LOT about his actions in this episode - why he agrees to host the kosegruppa party for Vilde instead of, say, lying around at home doing nothing. Why he turns down the invitation from the dance girls, the “fake” invite, in favor of kosegruppa, with the people he cares about. Why he agrees to meet Even’s mom so readily, instead of hiding.) Even if his life becomes terrible at times, it’s better than a fake and boring life.

Eva seems very pleased with what Isak says. So does Isak. We get his final lines of the season, which are spectacular: “Whether you believe in Allah, or Jesus, or the theory of evolution, or parallel universes, there’s only one thing we all know for sure...”

How angelic is this music as he’s saying this, by the way? Makes it feel extra profound, heh.

Isak looks to Eva. We hear “Beautiful!” come from Even, which in a weird way feels like it’s a part of this conversation even though it’s not. Even is still helping Eskild with the mistletoe.

Eskild almost steals the final shots of the season by doing some kind of exaggerated check on how the mistletoe holds up. Or else he’s trying to get someone to come and lay a smooch on him.

Even looks across the room at Isak, and at us the audience, glancing between the mistletoe and Isak and grinning like he has plans for the both of them later. It’s much like he did that first time we saw him in the cafeteria, when he looked right at Isak/us. Only this time, Isak doesn’t force himself to look away, but looks back with some fondness. So, so good. We’ve come full circle, from the first glimpse of Even this season to the last. What a subtle mark of Isak’s development and how far he’s come.

Isak smiles and looks back to Eva. “That life is …” cut to black “now.”

CHILLS. MOTHERFUCKING CHILLS. Jesus Christ, the impact of that final line!

That fade to black is Julie reminding us, we the audience, that our lives are now, too. There’s something especially poignant about this talk of living minute by minute, living in the present, for a show like Skam, with its innovative real-time format. Skam literally airs minute by minute, in the present, or at least it did when airing. “Life is now” is essentially the central conceit of Skam’s structure. That’s why we talked about it like it was real when it aired. “Is Isak going to meet with Even today?” “Talk to Jonas already, Isak!” “Even hasn’t been school for a few days, I’m worried.” We fit this fictional show into our own real-life narratives, speculating when clips would drop based on real schedules. And here’s Julie basically reminding us that hey … life goes on when the season’s over. Our lives are still happening. She’s reminding us to live in real time as much as the Skam characters do. Embrace the present.

ALT ER LOVE - look, I realize that maybe this quote has been overused, and maybe people wield it as a get out of jail free card because they see any criticism as virulent unnecessary hatred (“don’t criticize anything about Skam or the remakes! remember alt er love uwu”) but this was so powerful at the time. This was just a quote on Even’s door! And Julie posted it for us on her Instagram after the hotel clip to give us hope, to tell us to hang on, everything would be okay. Here it’s made clear within the show, everything is love. I think this was also a love note to the fans, tbh. Much like “Skam <3s You” from S2.

I love the final choice of song so much, It’s “Thank God It’s Christmas” by Queen. Cool to use a band like Queen given that Freddie Mercury is an LGBT icon, and of course the lyrics fit as well:

Oh my love We've had our share of tears Oh my friends We've had our hopes and fears Oh my friends It's been a long hard year But now it's Christmas Yes, it's Christmas Thank God it's Christmas

How beautifully does that fit Isak’s relationships? With Even, with his friends. It’s been a rocky ride, but they’re here together for this Christmas party. Isak is at a much better place in his life. I think pretty much everyone at this party is in a better place than they were previously, arguably. I guess not Noora, depending on your POV? But she seems to be having a good time at this party compared to how she was earlier in the season. Magnus is getting laid, Vilde’s getting dick. The boy squad knows what’s up with their bro Isak and they’re all closer than ever. Even is in a new, loving relationship with someone who understands him and he’s making new social connections, he’s surviving in a new school, he has hope for the future. Isak’s closer with all his friends and has even made some new ones. He’s out of the closet. He’s on better terms with his mom. He’s in love with someone who loves him back. He and Even have gone through hell to get to this point. This happy ending feels utterly earned.

Social Media/Final Comments:

The texts from this week between Isak and Kollektivet are some of my favorite in the entire series. I think it’s fair that say that the Kollektivet taking care of Even is one of my favorite things in the whole season. I wish we had gotten to see more of it, though I understand why we didn’t (and we did get some hints in the clips themselves, like Isak’s phone call to Eskild, Linn playing FIFA with Even, and Even calling out Isak on asking his roommates to look after him). But good Lord, what a wonderful use of social media this week.

After Minutt for minutt, Eskild texts Isak wondering if he’s in his room. Not a metaphor, he clarifies, lmao. He keeps texting “Answer me” and there’s a nod to S2’s hashtag #williammåsvare, this time with isakmåsvare (William/Isak must answer). Finally, Isak tells his guru to chill. Everything’s OK. What a simple but satisfying answer. Like the clip, it’s reassuring as a cool drink of water.

In a Kollektivet text, Isak reveals he has taken Linn’s pizza to make food for Even. Both she and Eskild ask how Even is doing. Isak says that it seems Even is doing better, he’s sleeping a lot - Sonja told him he sleeps a lot when he’s depressed. Even also ate half the pizza, which I’ve seen people attribute to people overeating during depression (it’s common to eat too much or too little) but also like … a teenage boy eating half a frozen pizza isn’t that wild to me even when he’s not depressed, lmao. So it’s as serious as you want it to be.

One of the absolute best lines from Eskild, or anybody, perfectly summing up Isak’s character: “To think that there is so much care in your little grumpy teenager body.”

And Isak’s perfectly Isak response: “Whatever.” His character in a nutshell.

Isak says he can’t miss any more school but also doesn’t want to leave Even alone, quite reasonable of him. He asks about the others’ availability during the day. Eskild and Noora agree to be there. Eskild offers to create a schedule for the whole week with Excel, lmao - he’s always so over-the-top about everything, but he’s always got to do the most to take care of people. Like he is throwing himself into this project of nurturing. Isak asks if it’s OK if Even wants to stay the whole week, and the roommates agree. When there is room in the house, there’s room in the heart. Isak thanks them.

This is so sweet and so kind. The roommates barely know Even - although, to be fair, he did seem to make quite an impression on Eskild and Noora when he was making breakfast, lol. And there was that one week where Eskild was taking and sharing Evak cuddle pictures! But still they have embraced him and welcomed him into the flat, an already crowded apartment. It’s both kindness for Even and kindness for Isak. They know how much he means to Isak. And as Eskild notes, they know how good Isak is being with Even, how much kindness he is showing. Even is bringing out the best of Isak. Kollektivet is such a warm, loving place to live.

The next day, Eskild gives a status report on his time with Even while Isak was away, as we saw mentioned in the locker clip. Eskild made Even a snack and managed to get Even out of bed to play Yahtzee and watch some Planet Earth. OK, now I really feel deprived of all we didn’t get to see this week. You’re lying if you don’t want to see what playing Yahtzee and binging nature documentaries is like with Eskild and Even. He notes that Even was in a better mood when he left.

As opposed to Eskild’s detailed report, Noora is like, Even was chill. When pressed for details, Noora says he slept and she made him a cup of tea. Eskild is disappointed she didn’t go full status report like he did, lmao. Isak says he took Even out to get a kebab, so that’s good, that Even was able to go out and leave the flat.

Vilde posts a little IG story, I think, promoting the Christmas party. I would not be surprised if Ulrikke made this up on the fly, because there’s something Ulrikke-ish rather than Vilde-ish in her delivery, heh.

Actually, what’s amusing is that this video seems like a direct response to her conversation with Isak earlier that day? I’m not positive that it was posted after that clip, but I think it was. She says that she’s aware kosegruppa isn’t the first thing on people’s minds during the busy holiday season, which is her responding to what Isak said about almost forgetting kosegruppa. And in the description, she makes sure to note that you can’t join just for the fun!

She also says, “Are you finding it hard to get out of bed because it’s dark outside?” and I think it’s total coincidence but damn does that match Even’s mood right now. And the Christmas party will be a mark of him climbing out of his depressive episode.

On Tuesday, Noora texts Isak that Even won’t come out of his room, and that she went inside but didn’t reach him - he must have been too down to respond to her. Isak thanks her and lets her know he’s coming home. When Noora wants to know if there’s anything they can do, Isak says he’s calling Sonja.

I like this text for multiple reasons. First, it establishes the up and down nature of Even’s condition. Even had been doing better on Monday, when Eskild played games and watched TV with him. But he’s not out of the woods yet. Depression can be unpredictable, sometimes you’re down when you “shouldn’t” be. Second, I like this little Isak and Noora interaction, and that she contacted him when she was worried. That’s a relationship we don’t get a ton of, but I like that sometimes we see an understanding between their characters, such as the episode 6 clip where he snaps and then tells her William’s an idiot if he gives up on her. Third, that Isak goes to Even ASAP when he hears Even isn’t doing well. Fourth, that Isak contacts Sonja for help. He’s not holding back out of pride, he’s not afraid to ask for help. It’s important because it’s Sonja and there’s no beef there, he’s not reluctant to contact her to help with Even. And moreover, this is what Isak has learned over the course of the season! He’s realized that he’s not alone, that he can reach out to people for help. Being able to ask for help makes him such a more capable person, it shows his maturity and it keeps him from struggling by himself.

Later, in a Kollektivet chat, Noora checks in with Isak, who says that Even is OK and they watched a movie, he’s sleeping now. Eskild asks to switch Even shifts because he has to”sell krill at Karl Johan.” Errr, so is that an actual job he has? Or is Eskild being Eskild?

Linn offers to take the shift and says that she sees a lot of herself in Even. While Noora laughs at the idea of manic Linn, and Eskild says that if Linn is bipolar, Eskild is straight, it’s not that wild of an idea for Linn to recognize parts of herself in Even. Linn is probably not bipolar, we don’t get any indication of mania from her, but she's likely depressed. I mean, even Vilde was able to pick up on it, lol. Eskild says when they’re done with the “secure Even project,” they’ll do the “activate Linn” project. I mean, I certainly hope so? 

He says that 2017 will be Linn’s year. Not that we got too much of a glimpse into Linn’s 2017, but I’d like to think that Kollektivet looked into getting Linn some help for her depression. (I also remember that some people were like “Linn for S4??” after that text, lol.)

Vilde texts Isak about the Christmas tree after their phone conversation Wednesday. She wants Isak to pick it up. He’s like, stress. Vilde insists that he get the tree because it’s Christmas and Christmas is about love, kosegruppa is about love, all you need is love! Why do I get the feeling love is on Vilde’s mind? I don’t know, maybe because she “casually” tells Isak he can invite Magnus and the others. Since the party is at Isak’s anyway. You know, no big deal. When he’s like, I’ll ask, she wants to know if they’ll have something else planned. Ha, she is really worried that Magnus won’t be there! 

And it’s funny that she’s so obsessed with getting the Christmas tree because it’s Christmas and Christmas means love, and that what brings Vilde and Magnus together is a moment together at the tree, Vilde hanging up the cat ornament.

Also, yet another example of Vilde making a request of Isak, him putting up an argument briefly before agreeing to whatever she says.

One of the most meaningful IG posts in the whole series: Isak’s Friday picture of him and Even. It’s Isak and Even, out in public somewhere - it’s impossible to tell where, but it definitely seems like they’re out in the daylight, on the sidewalk. Even is kissing Isak on the cheek, a hand under his chin. Isak is smiling into the camera. And the caption - “no filter.” 

Of course the meaning is much more than not using an Instagram filter. It’s that Isak no longer has a filter over this part of his life. He can live openly as himself, in love with Even. Consider that not even a year ago, Isak posted couple pics with him and Sara. Consider that just a few months ago, he posted a fuckboy-ish meme: “If you can’t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.” Then Isak graduated to posting a picture of Even on his Instagram. It was Even by himself, though wearing Isak’s shirt. And now we have Isak and Even together, clearly affectionate, clearly unable to deny the nature of their relationship. I mean, we see in S4 that Sara was all EHHHHH??????? about this picture, very caught off guard that her ex is dating a dude. 

But this is one way that the social media format can add so much to the story! Isak’s character development is charted through his social media posts. It’s fantastic.

Also, it’s a nice bit of optimism, because Even is clearly out and about, so he’s doing a little better, too.

In a boy squad text, Magnus pitches his brilliant idea of an app that watches YouTube videos for you to save time. I genuinely have no idea what the point of that is. Is the app going to summarize the video for you? Anyway, clearly, not the world’s best idea but Isak jokes that Magnus should call NAV (the public welfare agency).

Isak asks if the boys are coming to the kosegruppa party. Magnus doesn’t even know if Isak is serious with that, but of course Isak is totally serious.

Mahdi and Jonas seem unenthusiastic and unsure about the party, but all Isak has to do is drop in that Vilde’s coming to the party, and Magnus is like, OK, done. Lmao, Isak. I love that Vilde was so concerned that the boys would have other plans and then all Isak has to say to Magnus is that Vilde will be there and it’s settled.

The last text message of the season is between Isak and Sonja, of all people. But I love that it is. Isak thanks her for her advice and wishes her Merry Christmas. It’s a kind gesture. Isak is appreciative of the people who’ve helped him, and he hasn’t forgotten that Sonja has helped him. He isn’t mad at her, he doesn’t have a grudge of anything. And Sonja replies back, Merry Christmas to you two as well. Apparently she is definitely clarifying that she means to the two of them, Isak and Even as a couple, and not just Isak. That’s also meaningful. She has accepted that Isak and Even are a duo now, it’s no longer Even and Sonja, it’s Isak and Even. I’m not saying she’s totally over it by now or anything, that she doesn’t have any remaining feelings for Even or anger or sadness over how their relationship ended, but she’s accepted it. I think it’s likely that this is possibly the last time Isak reached out for her, that he didn’t ask her for help after this (and Even seems mostly out of his dark period so Isak might not need help for a while, anyway, and by that time he might have talked to Even himself and been able to get more information out of him on what Even needs when he’s up or down). If this is the last time they talked, it’s a nice final message, both of them respectful, Sonja in the process of moving on.

I’m sure Even talked to Sonja himself at some point. I don’t know if they stayed in touch too much, but I’m sure they had to talk at least for practical reasons, like they probably had some of each other’s stuff that they had to return, things like that. And I think that they probably needed a final goodbye conversation just to clear the air between them. Maybe not right away, maybe they needed a little time, but hopefully they could talk it out so they didn’t have any lingering bitterness or anything. Even if their relationship went poorly in the end, they still had years together, and they were important to each other.

And our last IG post of the season: a group pic at the kosegruppa Christmas party. We have the complete boy squad (with Even!), girl squad, Eskild, Linn, Penetrator Chris, and three randos who are there to make it look like an actual club, I guess (fair enough!) One of them is Tarjei’s friend Rumen. Though it’s funny that almost half of these people are not even in kosegruppa. (Or so they think. Because the rest of the boy squad is definitely getting dragged into it.)

In the pic, Magnus gazes longingly at Vilde - was this picture before or after their hookup? Is he staring at Vilde still wondering how to approach her, or is he waiting for this photo session to be over so they can get to the bone zone already?

Magnus isn’t the only one doing some ogling. P-Chris eyeballs Eva, and who of us can blame him?

The randos seem like the appropriate people to be in kosegruppa; they’re making weird expressions and one of them wields a rolling pin as if she can administer a beating to the first taker. 

Eskild hugs Mahdi around the waist, and Mahdi seems pleased with this! Awww. Again, WHERE was my boy squad/Eskild content in the show? 

And finally, of course we have Isak and Even, looking casually cuddly, Even’s arms around Isak’s chest and Isak’s arms over Even’s. Being able to be together just like that. Merry Christmas, everybody.

I’m not sure what else I can say about this season that I haven’t said elsewhere throughout these reaction posts, so I guess I’ll be redundant: season three of Skam is a masterpiece. It really is. There is barely anything I would change, and honestly even the few criticisms I can make are very small, so much that they’re just tweaks and nitpicks rather than radical overhauls of the material. I’m completely fine with the season as is. A thousand times more than fine, actually.

I watched this season in real time, from the pool scene to episode 10, and all that time I was expecting something to go off the rails. I was expecting something to fall down and disappoint me, and instead this season never went wrong. In fact, it turned out better than I expected every single time. The writing was better. The acting was better. This beautiful relationship at the core of the season developed into the best romance I’ve seen on screen, with electric chemistry. The friendships and platonic relationships became vital to the season’s importance, each one of them different and fulfilling a unique purpose - Isak’s friendship with Jonas is not the same as his friendship with Sana is not the same as his friendship with Eskild. Isak himself is a wonderful character. Yes, he’s prickly and grumpy. Yes, sometimes he does stuff that isn’t kind or likable. Yes, he’s very flawed. But we saw him grow from a repressed, unhappy kid in the closet to an empathetic, determined young man living authentically as himself, able to reach out to others, apologize for his mistakes, and display all the goodness and love that he was capable of. Tarjei made Isak into someone I always rooted for, at his worst and at his best. That’s not to even go into the additional strengths of season three, such as the multifaceted symbolism and the dynamite soundtrack.

This last episode shows why Skam is such a wiser, kinder show than most. We get an ending that is realistic and not exactly a fairy tale - it’s not like Even’s mental illness is cured by love or that we’re supposed to think everything will be all right, always. But we get an ending that is highly optimistic about Isak’s future, and Isak and Even’s relationship. We get scenes of characters quietly understanding each other without words. We get scenes of characters apologizing to each other for past mistakes. We get scenes of characters encouraged to be themselves, and expressing happiness at being able to live like themselves. We get scenes and messages of characters taking care of each other. This is why I love Skam so much. This is why people gripped onto this show so tightly and why many still have not been able to let go. This is why you are reading this more than two years later.

Out of curiosity, I compiled these recaps and the word count from these S3 reactions is 136,721 words. So if you got through all of that, really, I fucking love you. 

Because I’m a cornball, I posted all of these S3 reactions at 21:21.

Thank you again for reading my S3 reactions! Alt Er Love ❤️

[daisychains4]

Strings (14/16)

Chapter 14: Why (Masterlist)

Warnings: None

Note: Italics are song lyrics

AN: This is the Shawn Mendes x reader AU teenage heartbreak story you didn’t know you needed.

You and Shade were spending Christmas in Edmonton. It was the first time you’d seen Tori since the big move, and you and Shade were happy to be back.

As promised, you were bringing choreography to teach Tori’s company while you were in town. The three of you were at Tori’s studio the evening before your class. You wanted to get Tori’s opinion on the number before you taught it to the company.

Shade sat in Tori’s lap happily as his mum stood at the center of the floor, ready to dance. Tori hit play. You began to move when you heard the first notes and lost yourself in the dance.

Tori was surprised when she recognized the voice that came over the speakers; it was Shawn’s voice, singing his latest single. It had been on the radio nonstop and Tori’s dancers were always requesting she play it during warmup.

I know a girl, she's like a curse

We want each other, no one will break first.

So many nights, trying to find someone new;

They don't mean nothing compared to her, and I know...

When people ask about us, now, we just brush it off.

I don't know why we act like it means nothing at all.

I wish that I could tell you that you're all that I want, yeah...

You were captivating to watch. You made even the smallest movements powerful, allowing them each to take up their own space. As you leapt off the floor, Tori’s heart soared with you. You connected to music in ways Tori rarely saw, even in her best dancers. As Tori listened to the lyrics, she understood why you must have chosen this song, whether you were aware of it or not. She wondered if Shawn had written the song just for you.

I pretend that I'm not ready—

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

And you say hi like you just met me—

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

Tori and Shade clapped loudly when the song ended. Shade was always entranced by his mum’s dancing, and so was Tori.

“What do you think?” you asked.

“Honestly?” Tori asked,

“Of course,” you replied. “I can take it,” you said, remembering with a smile the first conversation you and Tori had ever had.

“I think it’s the best thing you’ve ever done,” Tori said.

You beamed. “Really? You don’t think it’s… too—”

“Too what?” Tori asked. “Too beautiful? Too powerful?” she paused. “Too… honest?” she hedged.

You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean?” you asked.

“Oh come on, (Y/N), you have to realize what this is about,” she gestured frantically toward the dance floor. “You and Shawn are just dancing around the obvious. Literally.”

When I hear you sing, it gets hard to breathe

Can't help but think every song's about me.

And every line, every word that I write;

You are the muse in the back of my mind.

“I told you, Tori, there’s nothing going on between us. We’re just—”

“If you say friends, I’ll strangle you.” You snapped your mouth shut. “You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him again... still.”

You didn’t want to admit to yourself that you still longed to be with Shawn. You’d thought that getting the chance to know him again might actually help you get over him - he couldn’t still be the sweet, caring, goofy boy you’d fallen in love with at seventeen. But you’d been wrong. He had turned into a thoughtful, compassionate, loving man.

“But what if he doesn’t feel the same way about me?” you asked, voicing the fears that you’d been nursing for months.

Don't want to ask about it 'cause you might brush it off.

I'm afraid you think that it means nothing at all.

I don't know why I won't admit that you're all I want.

“But what if he does?” Tori asked gently.

I pretend that I'm not ready

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

And you say hi like you just met me

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

You lay awake on Tori’s couch thinking about your conversation. If you were completely honest with yourself, you had to admit that you wanted to be with Shawn. When you closed your eyes, you pictured a happy family of three. You’d never wanted anything more in your life.

What was holding you back?

For one thing, you were also afraid of what would happen to you if the world found out that one of the world’s hottest musicians had had a child at seventeen. You knew the media would probably portray him as a hero and player, and you as a promiscuous, gold-digging slut.

Not to mention what Shade would go through. Could your son ever have a normal life with Shawn as his dad? You thought about this question for awhile. The truth was, Shawn was Shade’s dad, whether you and Shawn were a couple or not. And Shawn had made it clear that he was going to be part of Shade’s life. Would it be better or worse if you became a family of three?

Most of all, you were afraid Shawn would reject you. You didn’t talk about it much, but you knew he’d not only been in a relationship with one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen, but he’d also implied that he’d had his fair share of hookups as well. Although you were very secure in who you were, you found it intimidating to think about. You couldn’t imagine why Shawn would want you when could have almost any woman in the world.

You sighed. It was this fear of rejection that was truly holding you back. You’d lost Shawn once. You didn’t think your heart could take losing him again.

I pretend that I'm not ready—

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

And you say hi like you just met me—

Why do we put each other through hell?

Why can't we just get over ourselves?

What you didn’t know was that Shawn lay awake 3,500 kilometers away thinking about the same things.

I know a girl, she's like a curse

We want each other, no one will break first

So many nights, trying to find someone new;

They don't mean nothing compared to you.

[snipsnsnailsnwerewolftales]

Bloodlines - Part 2

A/N: Based off of the song “Heathens” by Twenty One Pilots, this will be a multichapter fic with either a lyric being a chapter title, or the headers to break down the thought process of the chapter. None of the lyrics are mine, and they are all in bold - Again, I do not claim to own them, all credit where credit is due.

I do not own Teen Wolf or it’s characters. Sadly.

Word Count: 2,237 (Not including lyrics.)

Warnings: Typical Peter werewolf tantrum smack down and detailed talks of the Hale House Fire.

Beautiful people who helped me when I came to them with this crazy idea and said to run with it: @wheresthekillswitch @obsessed-withthe-hales @aworldmadeforme @life-what-life-i-dont-have-one @xteenwolfwritingsx

Coming back to Beacon Hills was supposed to be uneventful. Yet somehow, you are now stuck in the middle of two worlds you didn’t even know existed yesterday. Now between both worlds, but not belonging to either, you try to forge your own way, finding out that some ties are stronger than bloodlines.

Part 1

Xxx

All my friends are heathens. Take it slow

Peter had survived the fire, only to have it drive him mad, power hungry, and become a, well…. Lunatic.

You stared down at the tabletop taking in all the information being hurled your way from Derek, Scott, and Stiles, taking Peter’s peanut gallery side comments with a grain of salt. “The reason I did that was-”

“No, Peter!” You cut him off angrily, looking up from the pattern of the tabletop you’d let yourself get lost in, meeting his gaze harshly. “There is no reason for these things. I don’t care. You are certifiably insane, and deserve to rot in a cell somewhere, as far as I’m concerned.”

“That’s not very nice, Y/N,” he chided in a condescending tone, but something deep down in his voice seemed to be smiling, happy to be under your skin. And it irked you.

“The Peter I remember was kind, and I considered him my own uncle. He loved the color red and had a soft spot for kittens. He used to throw me up in the air and make me think I could fly, if only for a few seconds, and told me to never take any of the shit this world would throw my way. This,” you gestured to the shell of a man you saw beside you, “is not that man. I don’t even know if that man exists anymore.”

“I can assure you, he doesn’t,” Peter said after a moment, and you could detect the slightest amount of sadness in his tone. Somewhere deep down you thought he might have wanted to sway you back to his side, but it was clear now that that wasn’t even a remote possibility. Now it was his turn to study the tabletop. “That man died when an Alpha was born.”

“And what’s your excuse now that the Alpha has died?”

You had never been so afraid as you were under the gaze Peter slowly turned your way. You also had never stood your ground so firmly in the face of such fear. This straighter spine of yours was new, something else to add to a growing list of things to keep track of.

“He didn’t die. He’s simply taking a step back for the moment.” Peter’s voice was like ice.

Stiles snorted. “Yeah. Sure. Has nothing to do with the one you bit being a one in a million Alpha.”

Peter stood abruptly, causing his chair to slide back with an ugly scraping sound, a low growl escaping his throat as he lowered furious glowing blue eyes at Stiles. Just as quickly Derek was on his feet from his spot across the table, Scott doing the same beside you, both of their chairs also scraping the floor, and making you cringe. Glancing around the coffee shop, you were glad to see it had emptied, and the employees were all in back cleaning.

“Try it Peter. I dare you,” Derek rumbled, his eyes flashing that brilliant blue for only a second in warning.

“Guys, stop it!” Scott hissed, snarling as he let his bright red eyes glow without restraint.

Derek yielded, sitting once again, but Peter stared Scott in the eyes, challenging him. “Careful, baby Alpha. I made you. Remember that.”

Scott growled. “I made me, Peter. You’re just the freakshow that set things in motion by biting an innocent bystander in the middle of the night. Remember that.”

Scott’s words had the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end as you stared up at him as he stood to your left looking over your head directly at Peter to your right. You then turned forward, looking to Stiles across the table wide eyed before looking to Peter. His eyes faded, and you could have sworn you saw fear laced in there somewhere, despite his tough facade as he yanked his chair back forward with one foot, and sat down in a huff like a child throwing a tantrum.

Looking back to Scott you saw him let his eyes fade, slowly sitting back down, the epitome of composure. You were about to comment on it when you were cut short by some unintelligible, but most likely evil muttering from Peter, then felt a searing pain on the back of one of your arms. Letting out a cry of pain, the next few seconds were a blur, with Derek leaping across the table like it didn’t even exist, and tackling Peter to the floor with a terrifying growl, blue eyes glowing, Peter tried to get back up without success as Derek growled in his face, only to stop as Scott towered over them both, red eyes bright as he let out a terrifying roar, Peter’s eyes fading once again in submission, Derek not far behind.

“Oh my God, Y/N, are you okay?” Stiles was at your side inspecting your arm, and you realized you had gotten to your feet sometime during the incident.

“Yeah, yeah….” You looked away from the scene and down to your arm, wincing at the sight of the nasty cut. “Yeah, I’m fine, Stiles.”

“I didn’t mean to, Y/N!” Peter sounded frantic, and actually sincerely apologetic. “Honestly, I was going for Scott and-”

Derek, still perched over him on the floor, punched him in the face to silence him. “You talk too much.”

“Y/N, we seriously need to get Melissa and get that stitched up-”

“Stiles, it’s just a scratch!”

“Still,” Scott’s hand gently on your back drew your attention away from a frantic Stiles, and he met your gaze, seeming to ask permission to inspect the wound, and you nodded, looking back to Derek who looked on with composure still over Peter, who was out cold, the pain starting to ease up a bit. “I think my mom should take a look at this. It’s not deep enough to turn you or anything, but it’s enough that it could get infected.”

“Y/N, I told you to stay away from them for a while!” You turned to Stiles who was running his hands through his hair, making him look like a crazy person, strands of it going every which way.

“No, you didn’t-”

“I told you not to talk to anyone-”

“Oh, my God! Stiles!” You gripped his shoulders with your hands, shaking him gently. “We are past that. We were past that the moment I showed up to watch lacrosse practice, and you weren’t there, so I tracked you to the loft. We were past that the moment I stumbled into this. You warned me, and I didn’t listen. Thank you for looking out for me.”

It was a moment before Stiles responded, looking at a still out cold Peter on the floor behind you. “Yeah, people should listen to me more. I know stuff. Why don’t people get that?”

Wait for them to ask you who you know

Peter was being watched by the pack at the moment, back at the loft, while Derek, Stiles, and Scott went with you to the McCall house to see Melissa about the scratch. “I can’t even have a night off on my night off!” Melissa laughed when she saw you enter with a bloody tear in your shirt. “Y/N? Oh my God, sweetie, it’s been too long!” She hugged you, careful to avoid the scratch, and you smiled. “Good to see you, too, Mrs. M!”

As she stitched you up, Derek sat on the coffee table in front of the couch you were perched on, inspecting Melissa’s work absently. “Why were you talking to hunters?”

“Oh my God,” Stiles muttered from his seat across the room, burying his face in his hands.

“Wait, what? Hunters? I’m lost.” You looked between the faces of your friends, snorting at Melissa’s muttered, “Welcome to my world….”

Stiles emerged from behind his hands. “The dude at the coffee shop. He’s a hunter. That’s why I was worried when he talked to you.”

“Oh. Creepy dude?” You looked to Derek. “He was dressed a lot like you. Makes sense, now.” Derek glowed his eyes and let out a growl at you, making you chuckle. “Derek, chill, I’m kidding. Kind of…. I, um…. Can you stop glowing your eyes at me? Geeze!” He obliged with a huff. “I had no idea, and I didn’t even tell them anything because I know nothing!”

“You told them about ‘packs’ and ‘animal attacks’,” Stiles said quietly, grimacing at the glare you turned his way as Scott and Derek groaned.

“But that’s it! All I know is my dad was called here to help with those things.”

“Then your dad must be a hunter,” Scott said quietly.

“What? No!” You laughed gently, turning your glance Melissa’s way, only to have her meet your gaze with a look of agreement.

“Or a werewolf,” Derek suggested just as softly.

“What?!” You grimaced as your movement caused the cut to stretch against the stitches.

Scott had made his way around to the back of the couch and set a hand on your shoulder, the pain instantly starting to lessen. You looked at his hand and saw black veins climbing his arm. “Is that what you did when you put your hand on my back in the coffee shop?”

He nodded. “I didn’t want to freak you out.”

You nodded in return. “Well, thank you.”

“She doesn’t smell like a wolf,” Scott said to Derek after a moment, the pain coming back, but his hand remaining on your shoulder in comfort.

“Just, please, don’t be a Kanima.” You looked to Stiles in complete confusion. “I hate those things. I can’t deal with that again.”

Please don’t make any sudden moves

You went back to the loft, and the pack cleared out, seeing as it was late, leaving you once again with Derek, Scott, and Stiles.

Peter was lying on the couch wide awake, looking up to the ceiling in boredom, twiddling his thumbs. “Sorry again, sweetheart. Hope it’s not deep enough to turn you. Because you know, you either survive a turn, or you don’t.” He looked at you with an evil grin.

“Peter, stop threatening her, or I will kill you again.” Derek huffed, saying the words like they had been worn out.

“Yeah, what he said.”

“Stiles, shut up.”

You smiled, looking to Scott to see him dragging a hand down his face, making you think this was a normal occurrence.

“So, they think my dad is either a hunter or a werewolf,” you broke the tension, looking right at Peter as you spoke.

He sat up slowly, looking at you in a way that said his wheels were turning.

“But, apparently I don’t smell like one, so….”

“Oh, God, please don’t be another Kanima.” Peter’s voice was bordering on a whine, like he was talking about a simple nuisance you would encounter on a daily basis and not some mythical sounding thing.

All four of them shared a look that seemed to stretch on forever, conveying annoyance at the mere thought more than anything.

You threw your arms up in the air, letting them slap back down to your sides in exasperation. “What the hell is a Kanima?!”

You don’t know the half of the abuse

“Okay, now that we have established that I am not some homicidal lizard thing that has a venom that apparently has a vendetta for Stiles, can we please move on, back to the subject at hand?”

Peter was pacing in front of the large windows of the loft, staring at the floor.

It was silent for too long.

“Look, guys, if my family are in fact hunters, doesn’t this mean that I can help you guys? You have a man on the inside, now. Plus, it can’t be that bad.”

Peter stopped moving, slowly turning to face you. It was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. “You know that fire?”

“Yeah….” Your eyes grew wide. “No. That wasn’t-”

Peter quickly strode towards you, blue eyes blazing as he flicked one hand with a flourish, claws elongating in one swift motion.

“Peter, if you touch her-” Derek’s warning fell on deaf ears.

“No. She needs to know what happens. What happened.”

Without warning, Peter stood in front of you, wrapped one arm around you to hold you close, and dug his claws into the back of your neck briefly before withdrawing them. You fell into the arm wrapped around you, and he scooped you up with his other, carrying you over to the couch, and laying you down on the soft cushions.

“What…. The hell…. Is happening….” You could barely get the words out, your teeth chattering like you were shivering.

Flashes of faces, screaming, horror flashed before your eyes, clearing just as quickly as they came, bringing the loft back into focus between each burst. Flames. Pain. Glowing eyes. Fangs. Claws. Growls. Screams. Fear. Smells. Burning things. Food cooking on a grill somewhere distant. Children laughing outside before hurried footsteps put that to a cease. Silence. Eyes that remained all too human throughout the whole ordeal mixed among the ones bright red, yellow, and blue.

“Peter! What the hell did you do to me?!”

Peter sat on the coffee table in front of you, his eyes fading back to normal, and your friends hovering anxiously nearby, looking on. He placed a hand on your shoulder, and you found it comforting, feeling like the old Peter had returned to you somehow. “This is what it’s like to be one of us.”

Xxx

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