#hoping to post more in December but lately it's been dry

[lyralit]

I posted 412 times in 2022

That's 412 more posts than 2021!

269 posts created (65%)

143 posts reblogged (35%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lyralit

@mr-writes

@thelatinlibrarian

@annarts05

@riverselkiesing

I tagged 363 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#lyralit - 162 posts

#writerblr - 156 posts

#creative writing - 146 posts

#writers - 138 posts

#writing - 130 posts

#writblr - 128 posts

#writers block - 123 posts

#writing prompts - 117 posts

#writing ideas - 109 posts

#lovely person <3 - 96 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#the streets of beijing spilled over with wandering crowds at one of their dynasty’s first victories.

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

traits turned sour

honest - insensitive

persuasive - manipulative

caring - overprotective

confidence - arrogance

fearless - cocky

loyalty - an excuse

devotion - obsession

agreeable - lazy

perfectionism - insatisfaction

reserved - aloof

cautious - skeptical

self loved - selfish

available - distractible

emotional - dramatic

humble - attention-seeking

diligent - imposing

dutiful - submissive

assertive - bossy

strategic - calculated

truthful - cruel

11,626 notes - Posted November 20, 2022

#4

ingrid sundberg's colour dictionary - writing help

See the full post

13,656 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

#3

switch up your verbs (part one) ~

walked - hiked - moved - shuffled - toddled - sauntered - ambled - tiptoed - meandered - strolled

laughed - chortled - chuckled - giggled - snorted - guffawed - howled - snickered - shrieked

wanted - ached for - wished - craved - coveted - fancied - pined - aspired

ran - sprinted - galloped - scampered - bolted - trotted - dashed - raced - jogged

jumped - bounced - hopped - leapt - hurtled - vaulted - barged - bounded

14,902 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

#2

ꜱʜᴏᴡ, ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴇʟʟ (ɪɪ)

fear - open mouth - backing away - fake smiles - hugging themselves - long / dragged breaths - rocking

jealousy - snide remarks - darting looks - self-deprication - visible judging - folded arms - arguing a fair point

hurt - steadying breaths - overly bobbing head - teary - anger - trembling - pressed lips - insisting everything is 'fine'

lying (ticks) - picking at nails - touching hair - licking lips - laughing too loud - avoids subjects - won't meet eyes

worry - reaching out physically - pursing lips - looking to others - reassuring smiles - looking you up and down - tilted head - sympathetic nod

shame - will not meet eyes - feet turned away - teary - desperate - fidgeting - begging

humiliation - lashes back - cheeks flush - palms turn sweaty - face frowns -> brows scrunch, lips pull back - teary

love - looks for approval - blushing / turning red - clammy palms - nervous around certain people - laughs hard - turning clumsy - slip of thought

15,491 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

show, don't tell:

anticipation - bouncing legs - darting eyes - breathing deeply - useless / mindless tasks - eyes on the clock - checking and re-checking

frustration - grumbling - heavy footsteps - hot flush - narrowed eyes - pointing fingers - pacing / stomping

sadness - eyes filling up with tears - blinking quickly - hiccuped breaths - face turned away - red / burning cheeks - short sentences with gulps

happiness - smiling / cheeks hurting - animated - chest hurts from laughing - rapid movements - eye contact - quick speaking

boredom - complaining - sighing - grumbling - pacing - leg bouncing - picking at nails

fear - quick heartbeat - shaking / clammy hands - pinching self - tuck away - closing eyes - clenched hands

disappointment - no eye contact - hard swallow - clenched hands - tears, occasionally - mhm-hmm

tiredness - spacing out - eyes closing - nodding head absently - long sighs - no eye contact - grim smile

confidence - prolonged eye contact - appreciates instead of apologizing - active listening - shoulders back - micro reactions

38,932 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[courtingchaos]

Rent The Space Inside My Mind

1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Summary: You and Eddie are BFF's. Wonder what's going on between you two?

A/N: This is just a fraction of what I've been chipping away at but I wanted to post this because I was proud of it!!! (NSFW 18+ minors gtfo)

December is fucking cold and that cold loves to seep into the trailer from every leaking door and window. It’s the same at your place, though your mom had remembered to take out the AC units a few weeks ago. Eddie and Wayne have obviously let that slide.

“Hey man do you want me to help you with those?” You gesture to the unit in the window from your spot on the sofa where you’re bundled under a blanket. Eddie is curled up in his uncle’s recliner, with at least three sweatshirts on with his knees pulled up into them.

“It’s 8pm."

“Okay? And then you can shut the windows before it snows tonight and, Wayne won’t freeze out here.” You continue to stare at him until he sighs and untangles himself.

“Fine fine fucking fine.”

You knew bringing Wayne into would get him up so you go outside to help, because you’re sure if Eddie does he’s going to turn into a god-honest icicle. He unlatches everything from inside and you pull both units from outside, leaving them on the front porch to molder until at least April. You only end up with a little gross water in your shoe when you pull the unit out of his bedroom; Eddie ever the sweetheart, has a dry pair of socks for you when you get back inside to ditch your shoes.

“Look I know that was a good idea, and the space heater is working better but now my toes are freezing.” Eddie is whining at you from the spot he’s stolen on the couch. He’s looking at you with big, hopeful eyes while wiggling his toes and you catch his drift.

“Okay fine, you can shove your ice cubes under my leg.” You sigh at him, crowding up next him while he props himself against the arm of the couch, immediately shoving his socked feet under your thigh. You get the blanket re-situated around yourself and over his ankles, laughing at the feeling of his toes wiggling under you.

Now the thing that you haven’t seemed to have caught on to yet is that Eddie has been using the recent freeze to get closer to you. Not only do you run hot like a brand new kerosene heater (and he is absolutely using that to his advantage), he’s also able to use this as an excuse to be as impossibly close to you at any given time. He can’t seem to get enough of you lately and though he’s been aware of his growing feelings for you for quite a while, this new turn has felt…almost fanatical. 

Anytime you breeze past him and he can catch a whiff of your perfume? Absolute goner. 

When you lean over him at lunch and you prop your hand on his knee for balance? It’s all he’s focused on for hours. 

When you lean back on his van in the morning, legs crossed at the ankle, trying to finish your cigarette before first bell? He’s never wanted to be a cigarette more in his life. (He’s not even sure what that means but he means it).

The other day in History, you’d been seated towards the front with Eddie fully planted in his normal back row corner. The room was darkened while your teacher moved through slides on their projector and you…oh you had been running your fingers through your hair, trying to put it up. Fingers combing through your dark locks, pulling everything up high on the crown of your head. You’d been doing it absentmindedly with lazy fingers trawling through loose curls, pulling at a handful of knots. 

It was all he could do to keep his mouth shut, keep his noises to himself. That it should be his hands running through your hair, his hands gently pulling out tangles, his hands collecting your hair together in his fist, pulling it all back away from your face, letting him see your smirk before you open your mouth for him, small metal ball that sat so perfect on your tongue glinting in the low light of his bedroom.

He had to reel his imagination in so fast it felt like it physically snapped him. He would rather die than pop a boner in fucking History class like a freshman.

So! Toes under a thigh. A thigh he’d spent many a night thinking about. It wasn’t like he hadn’t ever felt this thigh before, in fact he’d grabbed it many times either giving you a piggyback ride or in some pit at some show or one of the million times you two roughhoused. It’s just that now that thigh, and its twin, had brought new meaning in his life. It was warm, so god damn warm and he loved the feel of it under his hand. It was soft and powerful and if he could lay his head in your lap again he swears he’d never leave it this time. He’s tempted to do it right now, just roll over and nuzzle up to you. He knows you’d giggle and probably lay your hand on his hair and muss it up and throw the blanket over him because he’s just always so cold. Maybe he could sneak his finger tips under your thigh, wiggle them around like his toes. 

Basically feeling her up at that point way to go idiot. 

He gives himself a shake to try to get his thoughts back on the TV and firmly away from your thighs and how warm they’d feel on his ears probably. 

Get it together you fuck.

~

You’re unknowingly also drifting on your side of the couch, thinking about reaching over and grabbing his face and kissing him stupid but the idea of him firmly pushing you back with that sad look he gets sometimes would actually kill you. At least you think he might do that but then you remember the phone call from a few weeks ago, him drunkenly whispering into the phone about you hating him if he told you…something. He wouldn’t say what but he did keep saying your name over and over like it was keeping him grounded. 

Or from throwing up, same difference. 

Honestly, you think he might even be fine with a kiss, a make out marathon let’s be real. He’d been extra close lately, more so than normal, and so much more gentle with you than he’d ever been. 

You know for a fact that he’d struck out with Gwen, his current cheerleader-looking-for-weed. She’d been nice enough about it but you could tell he’d actually tried with this one, not just using one of his normal quick-cute one liners. He’d told you about actually turning on his charm, being sweet and all it got him was a giggle and soft ‘Oh, Eddie no I’m sorry.’

Would you be okay with a pity fuck? Absolutely! You lie to yourself. 

The remote has fallen out of your hand while you’re staring through the TV screen, really mulling over your choices here. You start thinking about your most recent mornings at school, with the cold biting through everyone, especially Eddie wearing his fucking ripped jeans when it’s 20 outside. How it’s not out of the ordinary for you to hold his hands together to warm them up, or give him your already worn gloves. Sometimes he’ll shove his hands in the pockets of your second hand peacoat without preamble. You’ll never tell him (hell you barely admit to yourself) but it makes you blush deep down, all the way to your chest when he does that. The feel of his fingers wiggling around deep in the pockets near your hips while he talks over your shoulder to Gareth. The front of him close to you but just barely not touching and it takes everything in you to not reach out and grab the lapels of his vest, dig your fingers into the denim and leather under that and pull him in close.

He’ll laugh at something Jeff said and his breath, hot in the cold morning frost, ghosts over the shell of your ear and it should be considered an Act of God that you don’t lean forward and bury your face in his long neck. His hair would tickle your too cold nose but like, it’d be so god damn soft you know it. You’ve touched his hair before so many times but not like that. Not nuzzled into his throat where you could kiss up to the back of his ear, could run the bar in your tongue against his skin. You wonder what kind of noises he’d make, out in the cold, in front of god and everybody.

Eddie pinches the underside of your thigh with his toes and it snaps you back to the present.

“Earth to Major Tom.” He’s grinning at you with a playful gleam in his eyes. He’s obviously been trying to get your attention for a hot minute.

“What?” Why do you sound so annoyed?

“Got something on your mind?”

"I’m thinking.” You lie (only a little) pulling your legs up to tuck under his bent knees, keeping his toes under your leg still.

“Something more important than this?” He gestures at the TV, some PBS thing on. 

Oh my god Munson believe me it is. 

You both chuckle and you start flicking through channels again, now looking for a Christmas thing. If you both start drifting again, neither of you mention it, unaware of the absolute bonfire starting between you two.

[spadecentral]

🌸 Flower Filled | Cater Diamond x Reader

>> requested: no!! >> a/n: this one almost made me tear up

>> masterlist: here!! >> summary: cater forgets his feelings for you >> reader prns: they/them >> warning(s): uh... i dont... know?

Morning dew was always a nostalgic smell to Cater. The way it seemed to tickle his nose just right, it always was a part of his life. He used to leave his house early to run through the wet grass, and get his socks wet.

He was always such a happy child.

You were his morning dew when he got older. Seeing you made his day better, even if it was only temporary. And when you gave him a kiss on the cheek out of habit… oh, when you kissed him. It made the difference. All the difference in the world. He would rather die from a kiss by you, than live forever without one. He lived for you, and you only.

Even though the both of you weren’t dating, you became his whole social media. There was rarely ever a photo without you somewhere in it, even if you were facing a different direction. Those photos were everything to him. Documenting everything, he would never forget anything. Not even once.

But he hated that you would never look at him how he looked at you. Always pretending not to notice when he pressed the record button, but he noticed when he rewatched the reels. The way your eyes weren’t filled with love like his, how they didn’t soften, how your cheeks never flushed. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew you didn’t like him like he liked you. But maybe he was an idiot for liking you like that in the first place.

The flowers came late December during his second year. Delicate cherry blossoms seemed to come out of nowhere, and that’s when he knew. And yet, he still continued to hang out with you. Never dropping the act, photos were continuously posted to his Magicam, in hopes that you would return his feelings and he could have the whole album to look back at.

But the look in your eyes never changed.

Coughing more and more every day, soon Trey caught on to his disease.

“Cater, please!”

“No!”

“Just get the surgery,” Trey pleaded. “I’ll pay for it!”

“What if they like me back, Trey?!” Cater’s eyes filled with tears. “What then?!!”

They would bicker everyday. Of course, not around you. Cater wouldn’t let it happen. You couldn’t know that he was throwing up blood-covered petals because of you. It would humiliate him beyond relief. So he did the only thing he knew how to do. Take it to social media.

Probably the worst thing he could have done, even though he had blocked you from seeing this story post. All it was was a pole: I’ve been feeling a little sick and might need surgery. Should I do it? Yes or No.

Of course it would have gotten to you. You had social media, of course other people were going to make posts over this story.

Coming over to him, Cater was not ready for it.

“Cater!” you called. You could now see how pale he looked. How his look was more vampiric than preppy, with the red makeup under his eyes. As he turned, his hair no longer bounced. It was dry and devoid of the bright orange color you knew. The orange color that fit him so well.

“Yes?” he asked. His voice was gravelly, even though he still tried to be as upbeat as possible.

“What is this?” you stuck the phone in his face, barely giving him time to read its contents. But he knew what it was about. Why else would you be so angry with him?

“Oh!! Haha, don’t worry about it,” he smiled, before coughing. You could hear him curse under his breath. Bringing his hand up to his mouth, he seemed to grab something out of it.

“Cater, why didn’t you tell me you were so sick you could need surgery?” you frowned, sitting next to him. “You’re my friend, Cater. I care for you.”

Ah. That’s why he didn’t tell you. The word friend. He would never mean as much to you as you meant to him. And that’s when he knew Trey was right.

“I think… if you’re really sick enough that you need surgery, you should get it.” you said, reaching out to hold his empty hand. It was cold.

“Are you sure?” he asked, as if it was life and death. “Are you positively sure, because I need you to be.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Okay.”

You and Trey both waited outside Cater’s surgery room together.

“Trey, you know Cater well, right?” you asked quietly, as to not disturb the peace in the hospital.

“I suppose so, why?”

“Why…” you cleared your throat. “Why did he need this surgery?”

“He didn’t tell you?” Trey raised his eyebrows. “He should have.”

“Why? Was it important?”

“Cater… he had the Hanakahi Disease,” Trey sighed, looking away from you. “Because of you.”

“...What.” your eyes widened. Tears started forming at the bottom of your eyes. “He had what because of who?”

“I–”

You gripped Trey’s uniform tightly. Tighter than gripping the steering wheel of a car when there are idiots on the road. “Trey. Tell me again, right now.”

“He got a surgery for Hanahaki Disease, because of you.”

You almost screamed.

You had left before Cater woke up. You couldn’t take seeing him after what you had learned from Trey.

When Cater woke up, the first thing he asked for was his phone. He wanted to make a story post saying the surgery went okay. Logging into his phone and opening magicam, the first thing he noticed on his profile was you.

And something nagged the back of his head, but it wouldn’t come to his mind.

“Trey,” Cater’s voice was still raggedy. 

“Yes, Cater?” he bent down to Cater’s level.

“Who is this?” the redhead pointed to you, before scrolling to another photo of you. And again, and again, and again.

“...No one, Cater. No one at all.”

>> twst taglist: @tulipluvlettr | @ghost-hyacinth | @oseathepebble | @ventisaircurrent | @epelys | @pastelmages | @xphantasmagoriax | @atlasnessie | @divinesapph | @ze-maki-nin | @booming-spam | @flqyd-is-lost | @ravenlking | @queerlordsimon | @ruggiethethuggie | @rayisalive | @kyraxiyn

[lola-andheruniverse]

⭐ Your Turn Sunday ⭐

I'd like to recommend It Takes An Ocean Not To Break by carolthequeen.

"Perhaps Daryl should care, perhaps he should feel self conscious about being so obvious, but honestly he’s done pretending that he doesn’t want to keep her close. To be as close to her as she’ll allow."

carolthequeen is one of the archive's hidden treasures 👑 Every upload is a gem 💎

I've chosen this fic specifically because I wanted Daryl to throw caution to the wind when Carol invited him to go on the boat. I knew why he couldn't say yes, but still. Carol asking Daryl to run away *with her*? That's huge!

Like last week's rec, this another very grounded and introspective fic. I feel like so many of my gripes with the show could have been solved if tptb had slowed things down, giving their characters space to breathe and letting Carol and Daryl spend meaningful time with each other. This fic does all of those things in an authentic and engaging way. Being on the boat doesn't solve Caryl's problems, but it does give them some much needed breathing space and the opportunity to say things which need to be said.

I think the way that Carol's vulnerability is depicted is spot on - how she'll hide behind a smile and trick people into thinking she's doing better than she really is. But she can't hide from Daryl, he sees through her every time. They have a conversation which should have taken place in the show and there's a beautiful parallel with an iconic Caryl moment.

Enjoy!

Hi, @notalkingbusiness! Two in a roll, dear! Thank you so much for participating one more time and sharing another fic with us! I can't express how happy you made me!

It Takes An Ocean Not to Break, one-shot written by @bloodlnthemoonlight, known as carolthequeen | kataurah is available both on 9Lives and AO3. Oh, and I totally agree, this author is hidden treasure indeed (I have How Rare and Beautiful lined up to rec on late october).

Summary:

He’d already known this whole sailing thing wasn’t for him before he’d even taken a step off dry land - had said as much after all - and being out on the water hasn’t changed his mind. But damned if he could ever really refuse Carol anything if she wanted it bad enough.

Post-10x01 fic in which Daryl takes Carol up on her offer to take a trip out on the boat with her.

Rating: G / General Audiences Word count: 2077 Published: December 03, 2019

I love this type of stories, that are a mix of 'fix it' and 'what if', because we can dive into these little moments, sadly lost on canon, and explore all their possibilities on fanon - we all know how things would be different if Daryl and Carol had been given the opportunity to talk, just talk, and give in onto their vulnerability, right?. nottalkingbusiness gave us a 5-star review, so I'll leave you with one of my favorite parts of this fic just to give you the final push to read it: "“I know you’re running…” He begins, and it’s only because he’s so in tune with her that he feels Carol tense ever so slightly. “That you don’t wanna feel any of it. And I get it, I do. But you told me once that I had to. Feel it. And you were right.” He closes his eyes and feels the phantom press of her lips on his forehead and so turns his head to return the gesture, brushing a kiss to her hairline and whispering words of affirmation into her skin. “You don’t have to do it alone. Wherever you are, I’ll be there too.” 

And on this heartbreaking/heartwarming note, week two of caryl fic recs is over! Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did. Tomorrow we start all over again! Caryl on!

[stormcrow513]

Hagging Out- Semtember 2022- Hand Baskets

@graveyarddirt

So as some of you know this month went off the rails on me almost immediately, with my cat Shy passing on the 8th, which is the day after my oldest sister who died birthday, and also childhood trauma, September fucking sucks for me already, so I tried my best to occupy myself with #haggingout but well this probably won't be my best entry just heads up going in, also I wanted to do a separate Autumn Equanox post but lost the spoons so I'm Hulk smashing em together hope that's alright Dirty

It was appropriately overcast on the Equinox this year, also check out my nails I've never had em this long before (I chewer) and this weeks the fist time I've painted em since I was like fourteen! Having em long was helping me detangle Shys fur, she also liked me runing em across her head, so I was motivated to not chew, I couldn't cut em or chew em right after she died so the other day I decided to paint em for spooky season, funnily the last time I painted they were probably black to,

I didn't do to much for the Autumn Equinox this year I was having a pretty bad brain day so I did offerings to the land, to the Horae (the seasons), to the Anemoi(the winds) asking for a wet winter, they've been to dry lately, and thanking them for the harvest I got/am getting,

that loaded backwards, but fuck it you get the idea, I gave oats and some tea that was starting to go bad, I figure rotting leaf juice is a good land offering, I also finished the last of my solstice/equinox working, I started December 2021 I finished September 2022, whew, and I almost forgot to do it too!

So while I still have some pumpkins on the vine mostly the harvest is winding down, here's my broom seeds!

The strawberries were in great form this year though if I'm honest there freaking me out a little, back you mangy vegetation! back I say!

And I'm so freaking proud of my broom this year, last year I only got a couple up, this year I got 20 sets of three seeds to come up, we did have an unfortunate bird attack so I had to rapidly cut the seeds down before I lost them,

Here's a shot before they'd all seeded and rippend, and then got mauled by evil little birds lol

honestly I think my backyard itself is my basket this year, I'm so amazed at the work ma and I have done to it, I told you all in my bed hagging out earlier it was struggling in the heat this year?

Well as soon as the temps dropped a bit the everything started blooming, the butterfly hit, and we've got like forty different bee species, I saw a fucking praying Mantus going up our lattice, my dudes I've NEVER seen one of those in nature! Also ma saw a fucking humming bird at our butterfly bush! Never seen that around here! Also also a humming brid mouth took residence here for like three weeks, I'd seen one up in the mountains once a few years ago got it on camera and was like the fuck is this, and it was so cool to have one just hanging around chillin on all the flowers and really liking the sunflowers that crop up every year,

This backyard was such a ugly waste land when we got here,

We'd moved in October 2017, I worked my ass off that first year getting all that wood bits off the ground to keep my dogs from cutting up there paws on it, there was also plastic crap under it and the dirt I pulled up, and there were these metal things around the rocks I had to get up also a paw slicing hazard, and don't even get me started on the fire pit, I went to move it thinking it was a ring with spikes pushed into the ground oh no these dumb fuckers varied a regular fucking big fire pit into the ground, anyway here she is now:

Only sad thing is the line tree died on us, there was a bad winter followed by fires near by that bolted out the sun a had a film of soot over everything, it tired but this extremely hot summer did her in,

All in all though while I can't fit my whole yard into my hand basket I've got broom and pumpkin etc and hopefully more next year!

I also was able to get a Hekate statue I've been wanting since last year! I spent all month praying over her while passing her through smoke,

And finally, with how upset Mittens has been with the loss of her sister ma and I after discussing and prayers to my Gods decided to go look for a companion for her, I found a pretty 4 month old kitten in a shelter nearby, we've been having her be a little apart so they can get used to each other and we've kept kitten in the bathroom at night, funnily enough we had a basket in there full of stuff and I walked in couldn't find her at first only to see she'd stuffed herself in it around the stuff, we ended up giving her a different basket cause she kept smacking her stomach on the hard rim and they'd recently fixed her, so ouchy stitches!

I've named her Circe, she's the third cat I've had whose name I plucked from Greek mythology

Does she count? She is in a basket, lol, also took me a bit to show y'all her cause I needed to get her added in to my protection spells,

actually does any of this count I had a little trouble trying to fit this one with where I'm at right now, anyway thank you for the challenge Dirty and for hosting these! Love to you dear♡

[lambdollsxx]

it's late and i'm hungry as i was writing this -- i'll correct any errors once i wake up if i don't respawn by then.

Now that it's officially the 31st in my timezone, let me now take the time to say Happy New Year's Eve! 🤎🤍 This year's passed by too quickly and personally has been a bit of a handful for me, but, even so it feels so weird now that we're at its final day. I've only just gotten to properly process 2019 and yet we're already so close to 2023. (Oop, it's 01:11-) It's funny because I swore I'd have reincarnated this year and I'm so close to my 2-year shiftaversary [and 1 year respawn one ;; yes, I like keeping track of time like that 💀]. --- but I know better now.

As I said in my Christmas post, I'm hoping that this year has treated you well. If not, I'm hoping to see better things come your way, especially for those who've lost more than they gained this year. 🤎

As for my respawners and permanent shifters (and even my manifestors/shifters), while you find yourself moving onto another year and still haven't "gotten home", don't beat yourself up for it. Whether the void reality treated you like shit which caused a bit of an obstacle for you, or you were like me and seemed to waste more time than you used, it's okay. You tried even to an extent, whether you notice it or not. <3 And, let this year be the one you go home, and I'm sending positive energy to everyone who reads this. Hopefully things will be much better for you and I do hope things turn out perfectly starting from here.

I'm unfortunately not the kind who's able to be too festive or anything, I'm like- rlly dry and uninteresting,, but I can at least do this.

// 🤍 //

Now that that's all aside here are small updates from me.

respawn | I've only had physical symptoms so far, as, I had a few days where I wasn't focusing on my journey at all, once again due to stupid things and didn't attempt much.

subliminals | I have a subliminal for death respawners erasing their existence. I don't know how common they are but I'm putting it out because even if it's just one person, it'll help to have one up for them. I'm almost finished with it and should have it finished later today and then tested to be posted some time in early January (*the first week).

And after I put out the subliminal, I want to go on a bit of a semi-hiatus to focus on my respawning journey as I've wasted so much time [Summer + Autumn AND December since I'm not in school atm]. I'll be on my socials every so often but only for information on things benefiting my journey. As this helped last time, I want to see how much it'll do now that I'm much more educated about myself and my journey, as well as in a better space mentally. If you ever need to reach out, you can try.

I don't know how my family's going to celebrate this New Year's but I might manifest myself a small cake 😭 Anyways have a nice day once you see this.

[anechomirrored]

I posted 202 times in 2022

That's 202 more posts than 2021!

51 posts created (25%)

151 posts reblogged (75%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lavenoon

@little-mouse-gardens

@zelda7999

@scarredkitty

@naffeclipse

I tagged 191 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#fictober22 - 33 posts

#fnaf moon - 32 posts

#fnaf sun - 26 posts

#undertale - 21 posts

#undertale au - 11 posts

#late to the party - 10 posts

#will write for the prompts when i can though - 10 posts

#nice art - 9 posts

#cute - 9 posts

#fnaf security breach - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 85 characters

#i'll admit i have not seen encanto yet so i want to watch it first before i read this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fandom: Undertale, swapfell

Rating: T

Prompt(s):"I don't think this is your problem."

Warnings: none

Your arrival to the coffee shop that morning was heralded, as always, by the chime of the little silver bell hanging just above the door. You walked up to the counter, greeted Rus as usual and ordered the beverage that suited you today.

Tea, coffee, cocoa; you cycled through your favorites on the regular. Today you went with a hot cup of coffee made just to your liking by one of your favorite monsters.

He gave you his usual lopsided smile. The sunlight caught his golden fang giving him an impish look.

"m'bro's at the back o' the shop."

"He beat me here?" you asked, a bit surprised.

You usually had time to settle in and get a chapter or two of reading done before your usual coffeeshop companion arrived.

Rus let out little laugh, the corners of his sockets crinkling in that familiar yet illogical way all expressions that graced your boney friends' skulls seemed to.

"Good luck, sweet." he rasped turning back to the cash as he prepared the next person's order.

You made your way to the back to where another familiar and much shorter skeleton sat clutching his overly large mug like a life line.

Unlike his brother, Sans did not naturally thrive in the early morning.

"Good morning, Captain. What has you here before ten?"

Sans gave you a weary smile. There were shadows under his eyesockets.

"Good morning...It has been a long week." He took another long sip from his mug.

The softness of his voice, the way his usually proud shoulders hunched and the way his eyelights appeared dull in his sockets told you that this was an understatement.

"Do you have the weekend, at least?" You asked, settling into the chair opposite his.

"I will have tomorrow. I'll be running errands and the next day I offered to assist with-"

"You need to rest, Sans."

"I am quite capable of keeping my prior engagements." He insisted.

You tested the side of your mug with a finger and finding it safe, you laid your palm fully against it. The heat felt good on your chilled hand.

"Well, yes but you look exhausted and really think a day in might be a good idea."

Sans shook his head. He was smiling in that soft way that he reserved for a select few.

"I don't think this is your problem. Though I do appreciate your concern."

"But, Sans..." You paused as Sans reached across the table to take your free hand.

"Did you forget your gloves?" He asked.

His brow furrowed as he brushed his own gloved thumb over your chilled skin.

Your hands were well worked and in this colder weather they got dry and cracked.

See the full post

9 notes - Posted October 27, 2022

#4

Things are set in motion besides our dancing secret agent this chapter.

Hope you enjoy!

9 notes - Posted December 28, 2022

#3

So I finished the first chapter of a little story taking place in the Accidently Undercover AU created by @lavenoon

20 notes - Posted December 19, 2022

#2

Fandom: Undertale

Rating: T

Prompt(s): "I chose you"

Warnings: Loss of a good parent

When the core began to crumble the doctor went to fix the problem. That was what he did after all.

While many like to think his unchallenged brilliance and intellect were indeed flawless, these many were most certainly misguided.

Yes, he was smart and he had achieved much in the several centuries he had spent as The Royal Scientist but he was far from flawless.

His second finest creation was about to, in a sense, kill him after all.

Not that he was aware of that just yet.

No, right now he was hurrying down the hall away from his office to comfort his finest creation.

Well, creations technically.

Opening the door he was greeted with a very small and frightened whimper.

Stepping into the room, he allowed his vision to adjust from the harsh florescent to the soft glow of the the star lamp on the bedside table.

"Sans?" He called softly.

He closed the door in an attempt to muffle the alarm sounding in the hall. It helped a bit.

Another whimper and the softer voice of his eldest answered.

Crossing the the room, the doctor knelt by the bed and running his hand fondly over the fleecy rocket ship sheets, dipped his head to look underneath.

There, from the farthest corner against the wall, two pairs of trembling eye lights stared back at him.

"Dad, what's happening?" Asked Sans.

He and his younger brother were curled up holding one another securely wrapped up in Sans favorite blue hoodie, the one from the dump. The doctor kept telling himself the boy would grow into it and that his decision to let Sans keep it was, in fact, just as practical as it was sentimental.

He reached out a hand letting it rest palm up. The action making the angle at which he was kneeling a bit more awkward than before.

"It's the Core. I am going to fix it now, will you come out and go back to bed?" He smiled in a way he hoped translated as reassuring.

The alarm meant that things were serious. A just barely bridled anxiety was rising up behind his ribcage.

Very carefully he helped the two little skeletons back into bed. He handed Papyrus a small binky, being the youngest the boy found it soothing, though to an outside eye it was logistically confusing. That was part of the fun of being skeleton monsters in the doctor's opinion. While perfectly logical, his anatomy and now in turn his sons' proved to be a proper conundrum to many of his fellows. The possibilities for a good jape were seemingly endless.

The youngest boy snuggled into the pillows , the tension in his little bones easing, though not completely. His small hands raised to clutch the blankets to the side of his skull.

"The alarm will stop soon, Papyrus." The doctor lifted a finger and took this rare opportunity to boop his son's nasal ridge. The indignant Nyeh, was well worth the extra second wasted.

"I will be back as soon as I can. Sans, stay here and keep an eye socket out for your brother, alright?" He stooped to hug each of his little boys before rising to his proper height. The magic in his joints cracked.

You accidental a couple of kids and suddenly you get old. He chuckled internally at the thought.

Accidental, maybe at first but certainly deciding to be their father had been deliberate.

"I love you, my little funny bones." He said, his soft tone still rivaling the sounds of growing chaos outside the door.

See the full post

21 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Fandom: none, hero x villian

Rating: T

Prompt(s): "I know what this looks like."

Warnings: An argument

"Wait! Now, hold on-" Villian begins, only to have you turn so sharply he nearly runs into you.

"What?" You snap.

Your hands clench by your side. You're tired, and this latest stunt has you on the edge of spontaneous combustion.

"I know what this looks like." He starts quickly, "I know, but she wouldn't let up. Just kept cornering me the whole fight. She's got one hell of a punch, you know and I was off balance and I just-"

"You just what? Accidently kissed?" You spare him none of the venom that you can currently feel twisting your insides

Why did all of this feel like a betrayal?

It shouldn't even matter!

You are enemies. This guy literally attempts to take over the city on a regular basis.

Your minds keeps replaying the scene along with every moment in your shared narrative that you now suddenly find painful in the the face of it.

The day of the Metro tunnels collapsed and he pulled you out, could have escaped if he had left you, but no.

That time you teamed up against the city's Supervillain and put them safely behind bars?

Now these stupid little truce moments where you both pop in at random just to taunt one another or make sure that latest brawl didn't finish the other off?

None of this should have been happening to begin with.

You have fought one another at almost every turn for years. The whirlwind chases, your daring captures and his last minute get aways. You had done it all and more with him as your main opponent.

Just the two of you in an unending game of cat and mouse.

So maybe that was why seeing him with the city's newest up and coming vigilante like that hurt so much.

"Just go before I get you arrested." You huff.

You turn away from his exasperation.

He protests, because of course he does, but you aren't listening.

"Just get out of here." You say, there's a tremor in your voice that you hope comes off as anger.

Finally he recieves your message and falls silent and you ridgidly wait for the familiar rustle of fabric and the click of a window latch.

After a moment, both sounds reach your ears, but so does his voice.

It's quiet, hardly in character for him.

The last time he'd been this quiet was at the top of the city's tallest highrise. It was New Years. You had watched the city count down together. His voice had been too soft then as well. Too...vulnerable to be the guy that caught you in the occasional overly elaborate trap.

The sound of your name and a gust of wind chilling your skin, returns you to the present.

"I didn't kiss her back."

See the full post

28 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 2 December 1838

8 10

2 20

windy and occasionally small rainy morning breakfast at 9 ½ in about ¾ hour – then upstairs in the west tower musing and trying the bookshelves till near 12 – then ¼ hour with A- all in tears about Mrs. Briggs having been here   Oddy had told her that she or the daughter had said when here before that if Mr. Wright knew how she was behaved to he would fetch her away    A- would never have asked her to come a second but when I told her of her consent and even approval said if I could think of such a thing as asking she (A-) could not refuse    and then she cried again saying I had no confidence in her etc. etc.  poor thing how miserable she makes herself   she alluded to alterations at Cliff this morning at breakfast   her aunt had better live a little longer?   I cannot help fancying that if A- lives long   we shall part before our lives end meant to have written to Lady S- this morning but stood musing in the west tower – at 12 ½ began a letter to Lady S- ‘Shibden hall – Sunday 3 December 1838. I can hardly believe, dearest Lady Stuart, that is a week today since our leaving London – we felt crowded and uncomfortable in a strange carriage which, tho’ the largest for our purpose that and best Pearce had, was far from being as roomy and convenient as the grande diligence de madame which you yourself used to admire for its comfort, if not for its beauty during our nice tour in Belgium – we found the roads wet during Sunday, and did not get farther than Stevenage, where it began to freeze, and make us sensible that we were travelling in the wrong direction – on Monday the roads were quite dry and hard, and we rolled along at something more than eight miles an hour to Grantham to sleep, one of the most comfortable sleeping houses in England – It is worthwhile to stop late or early for a good homelike nights’ rest at this Inn which was quite full, tho’ there was very little posting on the road, and we ourselves had only met one private carriage – the influence of the railroad is already felt – what will it be by and by, when even such old-fashioned-going people as I begin to follow in the train? – Posting will be knocked up – and we shall do all by steam from carrying ourselves down to boiling our potatoes – But they must have coal to have steam – and that perhaps may benefit you and me! – Let us at least

SH:7/ML/E/22/0073

hope that some good may come out of every great change that we are at present undergoing – It was by darkened moonlight, and in a snow storm that we reached Leeds – we should have taken fright, and put up for the night, had we not been within fourteen miles of home, where we arrived in 3 hours about eleven (at night9 benumbed and thankful – From here written on the 1p. and ends of envelope alternate thaw and frost had made the roads like grass, one off-wheel at last fell, and we were far a minute or 2 in doubt whether the poor horse would strangle himself or throw us over the precipice – our people were glad to see us safe housed, tho’ we had brought neither man nor maid to lighten the extra trouble we should give – two joiners had been at work in the house during the seven months of our absence, but except that my little study was finished, the rest of the house seemed nearly as we left it – my unfortunate taste for oak-wainscot is terrible – I must give it up, and turn to plaster at last – It was high time to be at home again – Potheration awaked me on Wednesday morning – but now that I have fairly made up my mind to get rid of it, I shall not stop to disquiet myself in vain, but put all my strength to backing out as fast as I can – They say, the people at my new Inn (the Northgate hotel) are doing very well and that if I had it to let now, I should have plenty of tenants – I wish I could shove the whole thing a hundred miles nearer London – Among a large pile of letters waiting my return, was a very kind letter from Lady Harriet dated June 4 – I shall be a little more at liberty by and by, and will write to everybody – I have not said much about it, but the fact is, I have been sadly out of sorts of late; and now I am resolved to set my inner house in order, and be at ease – the most agreeable thing I have done since my return is writing this letter – Indeed my dearest Lady Stuart, I very often think of you, and of all the good you have done me and am always very truly and affectionately yours A. Lister’ sent off this letter 4 pp. of ½ sheet and 1p. and ends of envelope to ‘the Honourable Lady Stuart, Whitehall’ undercover to ‘the Earl of Ripon, Carlton terrace, London’ and at the same time (6 ½ by Sam Booth as usual) my letter 3pp. to ‘Mrs. Lawton, Lawton hall, Lawton Cheshire’ the 1st 1/2p. written and dated Thursday and the rest 3pp. dated Friday – should have sent it on Friday but for A-‘s disapproval of the style of it it seemed as if I cared too much however she copied it for me tonight and let it go – mentioned to M- our return ‘between 10 and 11 on Tuesday night – your letter of the 10th August (from York) lay midway a very large parcel of other letters waiting my return – I opened your pages with more pleasure than I closed them – man does not live by bread alone, nor friendship upon scribbling – I wrote to you from Lyons about a month ago, and conclude you have received this letter which being longish and descriptive of all we had been about, has, I hope, spared me the pain of attempting......... (Friday 30 November) to make any objections against your mode of reasoning and influence – If I suffered myself to dwell much upon your letter, it would give me more pain than you could possibly intend – I would gladly forget that you have written it – for it is mortifying to think that the sayings of those whose sayings you do not always value, should have had such weight – with you in this especial case – at all rates, I think of you, and Isabella, too, on returning thro’ Paris – I thought, as I told you in May, that you had written to me so sparingly before my leaving home, that I chose a book-knife to remind you of me when reading, and a pen to be ready for writing when you felt inclined – I will send you this little cadeau when I know where you are to be found – you may be at Harrogate – you may be I know not where – had you directed your letter to the care of Messrs. Hammersley, it would have been forwarded – you have known this Mary, for the last dozen years – But tell me whether you received my letter from Lyons’ – merely a few lines more – sorry for Isabellas’ accident – glad Mrs. Belcombe was so well – sorry for M-‘s sprained wrist....... ‘Adney sends her love – not much has been done during our absence that if you come soon, you will be little better off than before – but you will find no fault with your welcome – affectionately yours AL-‘ had been off to Lightcliffe church this afternoon (in the carriage with A-) about 1 ½ - A- 40 minutes in the school, and I waited in her room upstairs – Mr. Wilkinson’s curate did all the duty – a little fat black-haired man – preached (good sermon) 24 minutes from Acts ix. part of v. 11 – ‘Behold he prayeth’ – called and sat 20 minutes at Cliff hill – Mrs. AW. feeble as to voice and limb but newsy and well for aet. 85 according to her own account to Mrs. Ann Lee – home at 5 – I had written 4 pages of ½ sheet to Lady S- before going to church and now wrote the 1 p. and ends of envelope of my letter – (vide last p.) – dinner at 6 ½ - coffee bad ever since our return – too bad to drink last night – had been in the house (roasted) ever since before our leaving home – sat A- writing and I reading the newspaper till 10 – then went into the kitchen full of smoke, and pother about the fire being made up in spite of all I had said about it – made it be raked out – got up a bottle of orange wine which A- enjoyed – stood talking – then looking at the servants hall grate and stood talking there (an hour till 12) – then stood talking in A-‘s room till 12 40 at which hour F47 ½° - and very rainy night – soft damp partly small rainy day – Letter this evening from Messrs. Hammersley London enclosing the receipt for divided on the £400 invested in the 3 percents in my name in trust for the infant son of Mr. Graham – Oddy told A- this evening that ‘Miss Marian’ had been at Northgate hotel in the summer bringing with her Miss Inman – her feelings so strong on going to Northgate could not bear to come here – but her maid Jane came – yet O- seemed to think Marian would have come here had she had an invitation – A- set O- right on this point without however saying much

[ladybloging]

hi!!! if you’re reading this post you’re likely coming from my fic Wounding Remedies.

details of my late posting below 👇

im usually a very down-low person, i keep my private life super private, but i wanted to vent just a wee bit.

this week has been EXHAUSTING

last saturday i began getting sick, just a little dry feeling in my sinuses, whatever, but then over the next few days it became an aggressive throat sick and still today (friday) i’m fighting off congestion. but still, it’s whatever really. i prefer throat sickness over any other kind of sick.

on wednesday my wife began cramping, somewhere in the lower abdomen. she tried explaining it, and i just kept saying “take some excedrin” “take gas x” “drink more water” “use a heating pad” because we managed to pinpoint the pain in or around the uterus.

eventually we decided to take her to the ER (where we are now) because the pain became so unbearable that she’s been throwing up and running cold, so as to make sure she’s not going septic. finally we got here, she was given some pain meds into her bloodstream as well as nausea medication. she’s been taken back for imaging, and the lady asked “have you been told you have fibroids?”

fibroids typically don’t need alarm, unless they’re accompanied by excessive pain ✅ excessive bleeding ✅ or growing rapidly ❓

if they’re causing pain, they’re growing right?

doctor came in and said all of her tests were great, and there’s really no reason why she should be in any pain. the fibroids don’t usually cause any pain either. he said that she needs to see an obgyn asap, and that’s all the answers we get. we also got some naproxen.

unfortunately she’s still in pain.

so i’ve decided that i’m going to take a couple weeks off posting, hoping to get chapter 22 up on December 18th :) thank y’all for being patient with me!!

[lawdood49]

Cancer

So I’ve had an account on this Tumblr thing for years but never used it. Since no one I know knows about it maybe this is where I should get real and share my thoughts. Where to begin? 

Well, last November I was diagnosed with oral cancer, Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Last December I had surgery to remove it foloowed up a couple months later with radiation and chemo treatments. I’ve been trying to recover since b ut my mouth is still all kinds of jacked up. And the pain, ouch the pain. Apparently post surgery I developed a blood clot in my head which is leading to painful headaches on the other side of my head due to the increased blood flow trying to get through the working vessel over there. Being placed on blood thinners seems to have helped their severity. Add to that the nerve endings seemingly coming back to life on the working side of my tongue and at various times each day it feels as if pins and needles are being jabbed into that side of my tongue, severely painful to say the least. At the same time my saliva is still thick and other times I suffer from dry mouth. My tongue feels as if it’s swelling in size as well, as it’s pushing against my teeth and causing some discomfort. 

This week I had my follow up PET scan to see if the cancer was gone and then a follow up meeting with my surgeon, radiation and chemotherapy doctors next week. After all that I hoped to be on the road to recovery and work hard getting back to work in the new school year. I’m a high school teacher at a public charter school. 

While I have not spoken to my doctors yet I did receive the results of the PET scan in my medical app. The first thing mentioned is that I have a tumor on my tongue once again that appears to be malignant. Translation; the cancer has either already come back or never left even after my treatments. Needless to say this is not the news I was hoping for. I’m devastated, it feels like a punch in the gut. Not sure what the next step will be until I confirm with my doctors but very likely more surgery and more of my tongue (if not the entire last part of the fully functional side) being removed. 

I have my mom and my cat (my cat who also is currently battling lymphoma and has been for years, I give her steroids and chemo pills weekly.) They are my world. I can’t imagine leaving them on their own but I need to start thinking about this scenario and how best to prepare. 

Death is not something I ever gave much thought to other than the occasional “Who would miss me if I committed suicide?” thoughts during my angsty teen years. While I didn’t think I’d live into my late 80′s-90′s I figured I at least had a good 20 year run still ahead. When I look at the mortality rates of people who have gone through similar situations to my own, I’d be happy with 5 right now. 

I’m at this weird place where I don’t know how much I need to start getting my affairs in order? There’s plenty of things I’d like to do in life but unfortunately given my current physical state plus not sure what treatments are ahead and the timeline, those need to be placed on hold right now. 

All I know, is I’m scared. I’m not ready to leave this life and I’m certainly not ready to leave my mom and cat on their own. I will keep fighting as long as I can but will need to discuss some hard truths with my doctors this coming week. 

[shelby-love]

TOMMY SHELBY | “A Game of Fate” (2/2)

Requested: yes Published: December 30th, 2021  Pairing: Established Tommy Shelby x Reader Prompt(s): none Warning(s): none Word count: 1.5k Author’s note: I am sorry for this late update. I didn't think it has actually been that long since I posted this. I was listening to "Let's Hurt Tonight" by OneRepublic as I was writing this, and perhaps it's why this took such a dark turn (the song itself matches this fic very well). I tried to keep it as "light" as I could, but given how I wrote the first part, such demands were impossible to fulfill. This talks of post-trauma, because there is no way in hell that Reader is okay after what I put her through in the first chapter. The ending is open for interpretation, for trauma doesn't go after two days have passed. I'm really proud of my writing in this one, and I hope you will like it.

☇ my navigation // PT.01 //

Sometimes, fate was so cruel it made one cry. You had, honest to God, never believed in fate until the moment the liberty of a choice was taken away from you. There was darkness around your heart and mind, urging you to believe that maybe, just maybe, this torture was fate deemed your eligible punishment.

Barely any fight left in you to disagree with the universe.

There is suffering in silence. Menace in the waters. Fear in every fiber of your body.

And for what?

Your skin was slick with sweat that had formed over days work. There was little air in the derelict stockroom, only the cold that seeped through whatever cracks had been made over the years of neglect. Rarely did you visit such places, where one didn't have working water.

Your lips turned dry, tongue like sandpaper. Thirst.

You were thirsty.

Yet all it took to send you vomiting was one look at the water. One thought at the liquid.

They hadn't been gone long; you took note. The sun blinked in between clouds as it did when they were there, and so you still saw it through the gap in the wall. It was little after the first few hours of dawn; one might guess if they had the courage.

A hum of a song left your lips, the only sound in the warehouse. It had once been accompanied by the rustling of cloth against the chair or the scraping of a boot against the floor. By the time your wrists began bleeding and your feet froze solid, you had given up entirely. But you had to drone the melody if only to let yourself know you were still alive.

It was fate's game to play now.

And you were no longer a player.

Eyelids became too heavy to hold yet again, the itchiness in your eyes a malice on its own. They began closing at a snail's pace, but you held them in place knowing what kind of irritation the water gathered in the corners of your eyes would give. That dance was so overdone. It was more challenging to dance it the more it happened.

And so, you let them flap shut, your neck a loose rope that could no longer stay upright. Your chin met your chest, and you could hear the shallowness of your breathing accompany the song. The fire turned ember in your lungs but still it hurt to inhale freely more than it hurt to just gather enough air to live.

The waters would be a mercy.

Indeed they would. They would leave no room to fight them, perhaps not in the beginning. But it was a swifter death than the one that was draining you. Slowly, you would close your eyes and fall asleep, and mercy would be as sharp as a knife in ending you in your sleep.

And then just as you were about to succumb to the darkness, fate played wrong.

And Tommy Shelby made the right move.

The game was over.

But you didn't know.

Bella.

Changretta's voice was a force in your mind. The warehouse was once again filled with sound. They were so, so loud.

Bella. Bella. Bella.

Your body began shaking on its own accord, and you pulled at the restrains, fearing what's to come.

Not the water again.

Please not the water.

Your creased riding boots kicked against the ground that you mistook for bottomless water only a second before. But it was solid. The floor was as solid as it could be beneath you.

Grounded. You were on the ground.

But then hands – rough, calloused hands – were grasping your shoulders and you were afraid of being pulled under as you were hours ago. Your face downright denied to look at the shadow casted over your lap even when its hand took your chin in a firm yet gentle grip and pulled your face to its own. The water burned behind your closed eyelids, and you refused to begin the dance despite knowing the relief that awaited once it was done.

Bella.

"Y/N."

Name. Your name.

"Y/N look at me."

You pried your eyes slowly, and then waited for relief to wash over you upon seeing his face. "You're okay," Tommy said to you, his words a declaration. Final.

You gathered your strength and wept.

***

"Here love," it was Polly who gave you the tea. The saucer rattled as your shaky hands grasped it, pulling it to your mantle covered lap. Your eyes took in the crammed living room - one you had known for years – with blank disinterest. You hadn't even casted a glance at the liquid tea, and your food lay cold and forgotten beside you.

Polly scooted closer to you on the chaise. You let her. You let her lean over and kiss your hair, now clean and flowery scented after it took Tommy hours to clean it. No water, you remember screaming at him in the tub. Begging. You remember clawing at his shirt like a relentless animal that had escaped years of imprisonment. He took every blow, every curse with steel in his eyes. There was raging ice in them, wrath that waited to be unleashed. Not upon you. But upon the Italian's that took you from him.

He left just over a quarter-hour ago, taking the anger with him, leaving his warmth with you. "Take care of her," you remember him telling Polly, who still shook in the aftermath of seeing you so…

Tortured.

Polly disappeared to give you space. Space and time to adjust.

Warmth washed over the room from where the lit hearth was placed, the crackling and popping of burning wood a sound that complemented it. You hadn't needed to hum, for there was already music drifting through the house from a radio. The scene was all but serene for yourself.

You touched your neck softly, with just the tips of your fingers, remembering what agony took place inside it. Your wrists, once soft and scarless were now marred with burns from the rope you had pulled on tightly one too many times. The clothes. The clothes you had picked out only a day before were discarded, and you sat dressed in the finest silk pajamas with wide pants and buttoned top. The color of the porcelain teacup, appliquéd with not flowers but circles of all shapes and sizes. It was what you had chosen for yourself, deeming it adorable and comfortable enough to wear as sleepwear. Now you felt bare, despite its cap sleeves and ankle long length.

Like the skin wasn't yours.

All it took to crumble was one look at the tea in hand, one look at the reflection.

You threw the teacup at the wall and screamed.

***

"Is he dead?"

The mattress dipped, a new weight on it. You didn't move, didn't nest into the warmth like you loved to do. Only laid with your hands beneath your cheek, looking out of the ceiling high window where the moonlit sky was embracing the world. You dared not to breathe, dared not to make a sound that would disturb the calm night.

For hours, you had tossed and turned. On and on until you decided sleep was a nothing more than a wistful wish you couldn't have. "Tommy?"

He stayed silent, as if he too knew the delicacy of the night. The sheets rustled but did not pull away from you. You stayed covered, not a speck of your body introduced to the cold.

Then he spoke, "Can I hold you?"

You bit your lip to keep the tears at bay, realizing you had kept him at arm's length since he came for you.

Late. He had been late.

But he still came.

"He-he said," you began slowly, speaking into the night itself, trying to not sound as disconnected as you felt. "He said I deserved to die."

Tommy stilled.

"And he told me to give you a message," you continued. "He said he will take everything from you. Then put a bullet through your head. So I'm asking you Tommy…is he dead?"

A moment of silence, then like death herself whispered, "Yes."

Dead. He was dead.

Gone.

You had failed to realize you were crying until your muted cries turned into sobs. Sneaking along your body, shaking you until a body wrapped itself against you. A calm force to keep you grounded.

Tommy kissed the back of your head, "Forgive me. Please."

He took your hand from beneath your head in his own, pressing it against your chest. Just between your breasts, a place where your frantic heart beat the hardest. You covered your joint hands with your other one, sealing them together. Sealing him to you.

"I'm sorry."

You grinded your teeth to keep the tears at bay. Tommy kissed your shoulder, your neck. Silent, butterfly light kisses that kept you together.

"Okay," you croaked, barely audible. Pulling his hand to your mouth, you kissed his callousness with tear-soaked mouth and placed it back against your chest. "Okay."

Legs tangled, you molded yourself to his body as if he were the only thing standing between you and the demons that loomed over your back.

That night, you dreamt of soundless water. Of floating against it and being pulled under. Of being helpless underneath the surface.

You awoke each time, and Tommy lulled you to sleep with kisses and whispers of reassurance. It was a dance newly started, but you weren't alone to dance it.    

Note: If you enjoyed reading this fic do check out my other work by clicking on one of my masterlist links. If it’s not a bother leave a like, comment and/or reblog. It gives me motivation and lets me know that you liked what I wrote. <3

If you would perhaps want to read some of my work earlier, you can check out my AO3 profile, I’ll always make sure to tell you guys when a fic is posted on there in advance!

Lastly, if you wish to be tagged under any of my future fics go to my tag list ! I no longer take requests through ask, dm, comments anymore. Once on my tag list post you’ll find a link to a Google Form that you have to fill out in order for your request to be valid! x

✭ PEAKY BLINDERS:

@lovemissyhoneybee @thanossexual @marvel-ousnesss @sextvpes  @heartbreak-of-a-marauder​ @killerstvles @navs-bhat @kpoptrash2000  @softieekayy

✭ TOMMY SHELBY:

@captivatedbycillianmurphy​​ @remusflirts​​ @peakyxtommy​​ @sarcasm-n-insomnia​​

[landosgirl97]

Home Away From Home - Rudy Pankow

A/N: I had posted this one on my old account for Christmas before my old account was taken down. Hopefully it’s not too late and you guys can still enjoy this!

You had never been away from home for the holidays. Through college, even after moving out of state, you never missed coming home for Christmas and New Years. When making plans for the holidays, Rudy had taken this into account. He talked it over with his parents and had planned for you both to go to Alaska the week before Christmas before flying to Kansas for yours the week of Christmas. Although what he didn’t plan for, was a massive snowstorm to ground all incoming and outgoing flights for several days. He had watched you be positive the first few days after the storm thinking that the snow may clear in time for you to get a last minute flight home for Christmas. As it neared evening on December 24th and the storm continued outside, Rudy watched your hope slowly burn out. He watched as you sat on the couch with your blanket tucked around you, staring at the TV screen. He decided to spend the night trying to cheer you up. Rudy made hot chocolate for you both (with milk of course because it doesn’t taste right otherwise), piling it high with mini marshmallows like he knows you love, and turned on Elf, your favorite Christmas movie. You cuddled into him during the movie and spoke/sang along with your favorite parts, but it just wasn’t the same. Rudy appreciated you trying but he could tell you were having a hard time. When the movie was over, you told him you were going to shower and then you’d be ready for bed. He agreed and walked to the kitchen to clean up the dishes from dinner and hot chocolate. When he turned off the water, he knew you had been in the bathroom a while, and walked to the door to come check on you. As he was about to knock, he heard it. He could feel his heart break. He slowly opened the door and found you sitting on the shower floor with your knees tucked to your chest, crying as the water ran down your back. Rudy silently got undressed and got in behind you. He pulled you into his chest and let you cry into him. Once you were finally all cried out, he shut off the water, helped you out of the shower, wrapped you up in a towel to dry you off and carried you to bed. 

Once you had finally fallen asleep, Rudy made it his mission to make this Christmas feel as much like home as possible. He made phone call after phone call to your family members and friends to find out all of your Christmas traditions and activities. He spent the whole night setting up for the perfect Christmas. He called his mom around 3am to ask her to bring some more things over for him and then come back in the afternoon and join them. After he explained the whole situation, she agreed. He came to wake you up around 8 o'clock the next morning. “Rudy, I don’t want to. I want to stay in bed. Please.” “Baby trust me. Just for a few hours. If you hate it, you can go back to bed. But first, we have to open these” he says as he pulls out two wrapped boxes. You nod. You both opened them at the same time. “How did you know?! Matching pajamas? How did you manage this overnight?” he shrugs. “I made some calls. Now let’s get changed and I have another surprise.” You jump out of bed and run to the guest bathroom to get changed. After brushing your teeth and hair, you walk out of the bathroom and make your way to the kitchen. As you come around the corner, Rudy steps in front of you. “Not so fast. Close your eyes.” “But why?! I just want some breakfast.” “And you’ll get some, but close your eyes.” You close your eyes and he takes your hands, leading you forward into the kitchen. “Okay. Open them.” You open your eyes and your jaw drops. “No freaking way!” You see two plates with Cinnamon Rolls on the counter right next to the materials to make sugar cookies. Including frosting and sprinkles. On the end of the counter, you see a laptop set up with a Facetime set up with your mom. “Morning Tizzy!” “Mom?!” You were in shock. You turn to Rudy. “How-?” “I did it while you were sleeping. I felt bad. I know you’ve never missed Christmas at home and I knew you were hurt. I wanted this to be your ‘Home Away from Home’. Plus, I want to learn how to make these cookies, so I was hoping you both could teach me?” You were beaming. You hugged him so tight. “Of course!” Turning to your mom, “so you knew about this?” “Yep. Even made my own cinnamon rolls! Let’s get started!” The next couple of hours were spent making cookies and laughing together. When your parents hung up, you and Rudy opened presents, and went to change for lunch.

“Okay I have another surprise at lunch…” he said. “Oh gosh. What now? You’ve already made my day.” You heard the doorbell ring so he went to answer it. When you saw his parents come around the corner, you knew it would be good. You hugged them both and made small talk until Rudy came back into the room. “Ok we are all set up. Are you ready?” You all nod. He leads you into the dining room and you see the table set up with food and the laptop set up again at the end of the table. You took a seat and looked at the laptop to see your entire family. He was able to keep your Christmas tradition of Christmas lunch at grandmas for you via Facetime. Your parents were able to meet his family even if it was over Facetime. It was all coming together and it was so nice to be able to see your family. 

You and Rudy spend the rest of the evening cuddling on the couch watching all of your favorite Christmas movies. “Thank you baby. I know it took you a lot of work and no work to put all of this together for me. It would've been perfect either way, but thank you either way. You really made this feel like my home away from home. I love you so much.” “I’m so glad I was able to baby. I love you too. It was important to me for you to have a great Christmas. I wouldn't have had it any other way.”

[excavatinglizard]

Some people in the discord server were talking about learning to draw, and I decided to look back at my own process, so y’all get to be subjected to it

This is basically my art journey on fast forward

Rambling under the cut <3 …?

2017: I consider myself as starting drawing—maybe not more seriously, but with the intent of drawing regularly and trying to improve—during the inktober challenge of 2017. This was the first time I’d drawn something every day. The rest of these are chosen from September for no reason other than they were good examples and close to October, which I consider the starting point

2017 To 2018: this was the year I filled my first sketchbook (the one started by inktober, actually). It was a sketchbook I got from the dollar store near my summer camp, and the paper kept falling apart, but I loved it. I also had a tiny drawing tablet, and the digital art from this era makes me itch

2018-19: the year I really started drawing digitally. Some of my digital art from late 2018 is actually…pretty ok? I was using a whole bunch of adjustment layers but I can look at it and go ‘ok, I see what you were doing’

At the end of 2018, I got my iPad, and then I started doing almost solely digital art. And there was A LOT of it. I drew SO much during this time. Where did that energy go?

2019-20: I took an art class somewhere in here, but it was less ‘let’s teach you how to do art’ and much more ‘go make a sketchbook to our exact specifications and if you do anything else you will have to remove it’ (I’m just a little bitter, but at least I have cool art for my walls back home)

Also, the ✨ development of my lineart✨. Up until this point, I’d been using clean, thin lines, or sometimes trying to vary line weight and failing. Firstly, this happened

I gave up on neatness and went for many small, messy lines. This was largely inspired by Pegl0, one of my favourite artists at the time but then,

BIRTH OF DRY INK BRUSH! (My first ever drawing of Jon Archivist) you can see that this is still similar to the last style, but bits of my current style are peaking through. The sketchy lines. The loopies on the fabric.

2020-21: what’s been posted on here. I feel a bit like I didn’t improve as much as I would have liked, but shortly after the 2020 piece here I had an on-off art block that culminated in me not drawing AT ALL between December 2020 and late February/march 2021. Besides, pandemic saps my creative energy haha.

Anyway, everything from this point is probably vaguely recognizable as my style, and I am relatively pleased with where I am. Most of the time. (I say, currently trapped in one of the down sections of creative energy/ enjoying my own art)

The first (good) drawing I did post art-block

Thanks for reading, hope you…enjoyed the old art, and this is your reminder that if you keep going eventually you’ll be able to draw as many queer fools as you like!!!

—Lizard

[writeradamanteve]

Today’s been a day. I was keenly reminded that we are still in a pandemic, because of two things:

President Biden ordered the flag to be flown at half mast for the 500,000 souls lost to this pandemic

My mother got her 2nd vaccine shot

One is tragedy while the other is hope.

I have to admit, I’ve been looking towards hope for the sake of my mental health, but I don’t want to forget how these lives weighed so heavily on me when the pandemic really began to take its toll in April of last year.

Around late March of 2020, I was posting about my own fight against COVID-19. I got a relatively mild case, even if I had all but one of the symptoms.

I keep telling people that after I got better, it took me three weeks to fully recover, but that’s not entirely true.

After those three weeks, I still had/have post-COVID symptoms: my sense of smell is damaged, probably forever, and I’ve been unusually sensitive to allergens when I never was for most of my life. But the most alarming symptom I had were my random fits of unprovoked dry coughing, which could last between 5 to 30 minutes.

I would be completely fine, sitting on the couch reading, or cutting vegetables, or getting ready to sleep, and I would erupt for no apparent reason. I always thought drinking water or tea would help soothe me, but it never did, and while this would happen to me, it wasn’t exactly frequent enough that it could be considered an actual viral cough.

That tickle was always kind of there, though, and I would sometimes sit still, concentrating hard to keep it at bay.

This went on for months until I finally decided to do something about it last December—and no, I did not go to the doctor, because I am stupid and stupid—I began walking/running 3 times a week and doing light exercise, because I firmly believed my lung functions were deteriorating and that exercise might kickstart it back to health.

The farthest I ever got during these early sessions was a mile in 30 minutes. It was brutal, but it was my Come to Jesus moment—I had to get healthy again.

I kept doing it, and one mile in 30 became 2 miles, and 3 times a week became 4. Now I am managing 3 miles in 30 minutes, 5 times a week, and I have stopped coughing since mid-December.

I have this deep fear that if I stop, my lungs are just going to keep getting fucked up and that disease will catch up on me eventually.

The upside, of course, is that I am eating and feeling better, and my family are eating more vegetables and fruits than they ever had (lol yeah, mama’s gonna cook the food you like, but you’re gonna eat the food I eat, too).

So I guess I continue to straddle that line between tragedy and hope, and really, I haven’t forgotten we’re in a pandemic, I’ve just learned to live with it because my mind and body’s still resisting it.

I just want everyone to stay safe.

Keep taking those precautions. There’s a vaccine, and soon the kids will have it, too. We are seeing a light where it used to be so bleak.

It’s going to be alright, because I have to tell myself that, too.

[youngbeezer]

number 5 for the tiktok thing with jon toews?

Referenced Post

Prompt-- 5. Running into each other's arms after not seeing them for awhile (w Jonathan Toews)

A/N: Here's another blurb from the 14 oddly romantic things blurb set. I only have one more after this, so this series(?) is coming to an end. I have enjoyed writing all of these sm! Welcome back captain serious!!!

Thank you for requesting, hope you like it :)

Word Count: 1345 (these have been so long lately idk whats going on)

Warning(s): mentions of his illness(?), but other than that i dont think any!

join my taglist :)

The sound of my phone’s ringtone awakens me from my deep slumber. It takes me a few moments to come to my senses and to rub the sleep out of my eyes, and once I am able to recognize my surroundings, I realize that I am once again waking up to a cold and empty apartment. It’s been the same feeling for almost the past four months.

Like usual, after last year’s NHL season ended, Jonathan and I went back to Winnipeg to spend our summers there in his hometown with family and friends. But this time, when I went back to Chicago for work in mid September, Jon did not come back with me.

During December, he started to experience these symptoms that left him feeling drained and lethargic. So, after seeing multiple doctors, Jon thought it was best to stay back at home to try and better understand his condition and get his health back on track.

Unfortunately, my job as a teacher was still in Chicago and needed me back right away, thus preventing me from staying in Winnipeg with Jonathan during this difficult time for him. It was definitely hard on our relationship being so far from each other, especially since Jon was sick and I couldn’t be there for him. But, we talked everyday and we both are very comfortable in where we are in our relationship, so we made it work.

So far, Jon does not know much on when he will be back in Chicago, and right now it is starting to seem like the next time I’ll be able to see him is when the school year is over and I am able to go back to his hometown.

I am brought out of my jumbled thoughts when my ringtone goes off once more signaling I have a text notification. I reach over to my bedside table to retrieve my phone off of the charger.

‘Good morning, beautiful.’

‘Hope you have a great day, say hi to all your kids for me.’

‘Love and miss you.’

I let out a sigh and go to wipe off the few tears that I feel running down my cheeks. Coming up on that four month mark has been extra hard lately. I miss waking up to his lazy morning kisses along my back. I miss the way we move in perfect harmony when we are doing our morning routines in the bathroom. I miss his goodbye kiss he gives me every day before going to practice. I miss everything about him. I also feel like such a bad girlfriend not being able to be there in support and to take care of him when he has been dealing with such a scary and unknown illness.

I wipe off the few remaining tears lingering on my cheeks and go to text back my boyfriend.

‘Love and miss you too! I’ll call you on my lunch break xx.’

I go to get ready for my day since I have to be at the school by 8:00 AM and it is already nearing 7:15. I take a quick shower and quickly blow dry my hair. I make a quick pitstop to check my phone and find another message from Jon.

‘Sorry baby, I think I have a doctor’s appointment during your lunch break.’

‘I’ll talk to you later, love you.’

I frown a little at his message. First, I worry that he has another doctor’s appointment-- since last time I heard, he was getting better; and I also frown at the idea of having to wait all day until I can hear his voice.

Today’s gonna be a long day…

(...)

Today was a long day.

First, I forgot to bring in the worksheets I printed out last night for my lesson plan so I had to switch everything around. Then, one of my students scraped their knee during recess so I had to take care of them and bring them to the nurse’s office, thus making me miss out on my lunch break (where I wouldn’t have been able to even talk to Jon anyway). And now, I am putting bandages on the back of my heels where my wedges gave me blisters. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to look cute today instead of being practical since I walk around and stand all day long.

My students were just dismissed, so I am currently just organizing everything that I’ll need to have ready for tomorrow. Once I finish up, I gather all my belongings and start making my way out of the classroom. I make sure to say good night to my favorite security guard before trekking to the parking lot.

When I make it out of the school building, I immediately go to take off my wedges. As I look back up in search of my car, I stop dead in my tracks.

Standing in front of my car, with my favorite flowers in his hand, is Jonathan.

Everything that was once in my hands has now clattered to the ground as my hands instinctively move to cover my mouth in both shock and excitement. Tears start to gather in my eyes as Jonathan gives me a huge smile.

Once the initial shock wears off and I realize it is actually my Jonathan standing right before me in person, I let out a little squeal and start jogging over to him. He sets the flowers on the hood of my car as I get closer and opens his arms to welcome my body.

He stumbles back a little when I jump into his arms, but he quickly recovers with a breathy laugh and by tightening his arms even more around my torso. As his arms wrapped around me, tears flowed freely.

“Oh my god. You’re really here.” I cried out, clinging onto him in fear that this was all a dream and he would soon disappear.

“I’m here baby. I’m right here.” He soothed into my ear, running his fingers through my hair.

At this point I felt like I was just uncontrollably sobbing. All the pain and loneliness of being apart, and the stress of not fully knowing how he was feeling and doing-- all of it is over now.

“Hey, y/n-- baby, please stop crying.” He shushed into my ear, trying to calm me down.

“I missed you so much.” I hiccup out. I pull away a little from his embrace to instead cup my hands around his neck to get a good look at him. “You look so good.”

Before I can ramble even more, Jonathan leans in and kisses me. Our bodies pressed together and our lips molded as though we were never apart. His lips were softer than I remember and tasted sweet against my own. I could feel his breath tickle beneath my nose as my left hand moved from his neck to his head to card my fingers through his hair.

It eventually started to grow sloppy as both of us could not contain our smiles any longer. I let out a little giggle when our teeth clack once more which prompts us to break apart from each other-- but not before Jonathan gives my nose one last peck.

“I love you so much.” I breathed out.

“I love you too.” He beamed back. “Let’s go pick up all your stuff in the middle of the road, eh.”

I look back at my belongings, totally forgetting that I dropped everything when I first saw Jonathan. We both make our way over there and gather all my stuff up before making our way back to my car.

Jonathan’s hands card through mine, giving it a little squeeze before mumbling out,

“It’s good to be back home.”

I smile but raise my eyebrows just a little up at him and ask, “I’m glad you are too, but isn’t Winnipeg technically you’re home?”

He gives me one last little peck before murmuring against my lips,

“Wherever you are is my home.”

Taglist; @heatherawoowoo @barzysandmarnersbitch @joelsfarabees @hockeyplayerstories @barzy-xoxo

tagging a few mutuals as well,,,,

@lovereadinghockeyy @carepriceisgoodathockey @prettyboyjackhughes @2manytabsopen @frederikanderson @bb-nhlqueen7 @cherrybarzy @jamiesdrysdales @luukasreichel @gigissports @cherrylita

[vriskaserketdaily]

END OF YEAR ONE!! THANKS SO MUCH!!

hi guys! as of septermber 22, it is ONE FULL YEAR since i (mod 8) started drawing vriska every day. while i had been a mod on the blog since 2018, it was only that day that i actually started posting consistently. the blog has been active since late 2017 (take a look at our archive on desktop to see the blog's early days), and it's been such a pleasure to make and curate vriska content through here.

i'd like to thank all the people who've been with us since the beginning and who stayed through the long dry spell, as well as all the new people who've joined us in the past year. i hope to have many more years of daily vriskas, and i hope you stick around! special thanks especially to those who leave kind and encouraging comments/tags on my work---your feedback warms my heart and always makes me smile.

to celebrate one full year of daily vriskas, i’m taking my top 2 favorite posts from each month and putting them here, a sort of “year 1 greatest hits.” enjoy!

SEPTEMBER 2020

what girls do at sleepovers & layers

OCTOBER 2020

k8ll m8 (blood warning) & quieres

NOVEMBER 2020

wonder what she’s up to & doritos locos taco

DECEMBER 2020

frustr8tion & so 8right it nearly 8linded her

JANUARY 2021

wisdom teeth removal & the final girl

FEBRUARY 2021

openthedoor.mp4 & world is ours

MARCH 2021

does it? & the ol’ one piece vs naruto debate

APRIL 2021

commedia dell’arte & lovelor

MAY 2021

im cool man i’m so cool (fantasy blood) & all hands on the 8ad one

JUNE 2021

symbolism (fantasy blood) & college au meetcute

JULY 2021

ok dude hear me out (fantasy blood) & seether/volcano girls

AUGUST 2021

foolin & we've all thought it

SEPTEMBER 2021

lofi vriska & música eletrônica