#house hunted

[chronicbeans]

Me: Mom, I'm alright. My fictional pookies are completely normal-

Mom: Look at them.

Them:

Me: But mother, they're babygirl.

[er1-ch4n]

pov: you're just the #1 REALTOR in uncanny valley trying to get a snack, but some fucking regular guy is throwing hands with you

[bloodsuckerproxy]

More John Doe stuff I did a few months back!

I love the idea of the House Hunted characters and John Doe going to the beach. Even though canonically Doe would melt and the Realtors wilt in heat, I couldn't help myself lol. I just wanted cute summer fun :3

[kefirstushyu]

🏠🔪Approximately two months ago I made my first House Hunted/John Doe Game fanart and my first MaiDoe scetch

★SO HERE'S A REDRAW

(Here's the original one)

[eating-plastic]

Headcanons: Dating Maison Talo Would Include

A/N: Yay, more House House! I love Maison a lot but unfortunately it's hard for me to come up with ideas to write for him. I don't know why, but it kinda bums me out. Never mind that tho, let's get to the headcanons!

--------------------

🏠- Well this is...yep

🏠- Maison can't even remember the last person he genuinely loved or if he even had one, so this is gonna be interesting

🏠- First things first, he knows dating him is very unconventional, so he tries to make the relationship seem as normal as possible.

🏠- What I mean by this is he finds himself in his human form much more often than he's used to, and unless he has to eat, his house form doesn't degrade it's true shape

🏠- He'll also always let you know when he's about to feed so you have enough time to get outta dodge or stay away for a bit

🏠- He's got two phones now. One for "potential buyers" and one for you

🏠- He makes sure to send you a lil "I love you" text everyday

🏠- Although I should probably mention that he prefers calling you over texting, but he understands that calling you takes time and that texting is more convenient

🏠- Maison is romantic as fuck, man. He does the whole gentleman act like holding doors open for you and pulling your chair out for you

🏠- Dude knows how to shower you in the most passionate words possible, but I mean he's had a lot of experience with knowing what to say to get people to trust him

🏠- Speaking of trust, you trusting him despite knowing what he is makes him feel...he can't even describe it. Your trust, your acceptance, you love, it's no wonder why he's so infatuated with you

🏠- That is why he is so protective over you. I went into more detail in my protective headcanons I made for him (shameless self promo I know lol). Anyhoo, Maison knows that someone like you is extremely rare. He knows he'll never find someone that loves him despite who he really is. He knows he'll never find someone that makes him feel so good, someone that makes him feel so alive

🏠- He doesn't want to lose you. He can't lose you

🏠- Moving away from that lil bit of angst, that is why he does everything he can to make you happy

🏠- Yeah, this man spoils you a lot, in both the gifts and affection department

🏠- He's touch starved too because I said so. Come on, you can't tell me that when you hug him for the first time that he wouldn't tense up before relaxing, and then growing addicted you snuggling up with him

🏠- Kisses too, he loves your kisses

🏠- Oh my God, imagine him getting ready to head on out to find a "potential buyer" and you make sure his outfit's all straightened out, like adjusting his lil pin and placing a kiss to his cheek before he leaves like you're a fifties house wife from a sitcom ❤️

🏠- I mean if you are fem then a guess you would be a "house wife". Get it? *gets shot*

🏠- Oooo, slow dancing with Maison too. This man loves slow dancing. If you're shorter than him (which you probably are this guy's tall as shit and wears heels), you stand on the toes of his shoes while you both slowly sway to the music

🏠- He would especially love cuddling you if your smaller than him because you're like a human teddy bear for him. It makes him even more protective because you're so smol and he's so much bigger so he feels like he has to protect you

🏠- In conclusion, dating Maison Talo would be a bit odd at first, but then cute as shit after you get past the whole "I'm a house creature that eats people but you cute as shit so I wanna date you instead of eat you" lol

[offical-ouroboros]

Hiya !! I hope your having a lovley day/night !!

I was hoping to b able to request

John Doe x shy! And a bit skittish!reader ?? Like they have a tendency to startle and have trouble chatting at 1stt hgngngnh idk but yeah :))

YESSSSSS😭😭😭😭 as someone who's like this I love this tysm for asking

~♡

John Doe x Shy/Skittish!Reader HCs

※ He finds you absolutely adorable, but definitely struggles a bit with your possible anxiety/general sheepish behavior.

※ He's all for stimulation and clinging, so you'll have to be a bit pushy if you need space.

"My love! What's wrong? Why won't you look at me?"

※ He'll have moments of worry, thinking he's done something to upset you. Just reassure him if you can, in any way.

※ If with his initial confession, you admit finding no issue with him but rather just your shyness getting in the way, he'll understand to an extent.

※ Doe loves the moments you do cuddle up to him, hearing all the sounds and feeling your nervous little movements in his arms.

※ He'd tease you a lot with kisses and hugs, or simple words.

※ If you've got any sort of cute, small animal you relate to, he's totally calling you by that name.

"My little moth, don't hide from me! I love love love You!"

※ He'd squeak as he forced you closer to him, enjoying your scent.

※ He really likes it if you play with his hair- Something simple for contact, but for someone of his species it means a lot.

※ If in a more rushed relationship, or just early on of something where he has to take you, a more skittish partner would be one of the best options.

※ Outright refusing his affection or lashing out would hurt him, he wouldn't understand why you'd decided to be so cruel. He wouldn't get upset, just... Confused.

※ Someone who shys away from his touch, maybe hiding themself away instead while clearly looking nervous would just earn potential space from him, if you asked for it.

※ He'd still constantly be watching you, trying so often to get close, but as long as he knows it's not him, Doe is a lot more easy going and understanding.

※ He's relatively anxious himself, I'd like to believe, needing lots of praise and physical touch.

※ You could even have moments where he isn't hyper stimulated, or trying to make more stimulation.

※ If you were particularly skittish around him, any moments of willingly going to him first to initiate contact would get him to quiet down and just for a little bit, he'll hold you in his arms and close his eyes.

※ Petting you, clinging to you gently with his hair, swaying you so subtly in his hold.

※ It's followed up with some praise, little words of encouragement and how happy he is to have you.

"I'm so so so happy you're mine, You."

[kawaiimeatybear]

Put your b00b against the screen 😋

[upbeatundertaker]

owwies

[39confetti]

Uncanny Valley kissing Headcanon

John Doe : 

-His kisses are ROUGH, Doe absolutely jumps on you just to press his lips against yours.

-Doe acts like every kiss might be the last one, so it’s always very passionate and wild.

-If it’s too much for you, that you want him to be gentle, he’ll try his best to be the sweetest man you’ve ever met.

-But in those cases, he’s shaking a bit, it’s not in his habits to be careful about being delicate. He doesn't want to hurt you. 

-That’s why his bites are very occasional. He tried to bite your lips, he thought you'd like it but he went too hard and you ended up with a bloody mouth. He felt so bad that now, he’s scared of hurting you again.

-Does he have a favorite place to kiss ? Not really, he loooves Ě̷̝͍V̷̝̉̑ͅE̷̬͂R̶̫͑̕Y̵̬̎Ţ̵̝͒Ḫ̶̰͛I̷̜͎͛͊Ǹ̸̗̞G̵͕̗͐ in your body, all of your face, your hair, your chest, your tummy, your thighs, even more private parts like your butt.

-Doe absolutely adores your lips, and welcomes them anywhere on his body. But when you softly kiss him on his forehead… Boy think he is going to melt with joy, he always feels so peaceful when you kiss him there.

-If you kiss him, then he’ll kiss back, with an extra kiss. At this point, it’s almost a competition between you and him.

-He’s the one who gives you more kisses.

-Doe can receive kisses at any time, really he could spend his whole life doing nothing while feeling your lips against his skin.

-It’s pretty hard to break a kissing session with him. Because he w̶̐͝ͅó̴͖̓n̵͖̍̇’̷͔͋̚t̵̟̱̄̓ let you go. You ç̸̰̔͠ạ̵̽̈́ņ̵̃’̸̡͇̍t̴̳̂ escape his love and affection.

Maison Talo: 

-He is NOTHING like Doe. His kisses are naturally sweet and delicate, and he absolutely loves kissing you all the time.

-That man really takes his time with it. 

-He knows what he's doing. Maison loves the way your breath asks for more, and he’ll reply to your command with all of the passion he has.

-When you become wilder, he’ll probably follow your lead, careful to not provoke him too much or you might end up in a risky position…

-Maison is way stronger than you, so if your kisses start to be rough, he’ll try to remind you who’s the greatest at this game.

-He likes when you kiss him on the lips, it makes him hungry. But his soft points are his cheeks. When you press your lips here, he immediately blushes and tries his best to concentrate again on his gestures and behavior, yet he really needs some times to process the sweet action you made.

-Maison is passionate about your whole body, after all it looks tasty, but his favorite places to kiss you are your hands. He likes to act as a gentleman to you, and this is the way a gentleman kisses.

-Even though he likes your kissing session, he doesn’t always return the kiss, it’ll depend on how needy you are. Sometimes he softly pets your head, other times he’ll respond with a smile to it.

-He can receive your kiss anytime, except when he’s trying to sell his house. He gotta act a certain way with potential meal clients, you understand ? After all, isn’t he Maison Talo #1 Realtor in all of the Uncanny Valley ?

-Yes, Maison loves your kiss, but he is almost always the one breaking them, and for a stupid reason. He absolutely wants you to visit that house. But WHY, you already told him you weren’t going to see it ! Right..?

[unfried-mouth-wheat]

Uncanny Valley series fans: These your men????

[chronicbeans]

My Favorite Quotes of my Mom Roasting my Fictional Crushes

Stanford Pines: "He looks like he could be the ex-husband of one of the Golden Girls."

Bill Cipher: "HE'S LITERALLY A TORTILLA CHIP."

Simon Petrikov: "You're standards are low if you're looking for someone as mentally ill as you."

Maison Talo: "How did you find someone who is some literally a house, a plant, and an old guy at the same time?"

[valentines-wh0re]

Well bitches he threw me in the freezer and basically called me a prude

[bloodytittiez]

kicking my feet and giggling every time I see this house/man abomination !!!!!!!! [he’s my babygirl]

[kefirstushyu]

🐍My friend joked abt Maison being a python. You know, cause he chokes and "swallows" his victims whole?

So. Um. Yeah. HERE WE GO IG

[eating-plastic]

Headcanons: Maison Talo Being Protective Over His S/O

A/N: Yay, my first x reader thingy! Also, don’t get it twisted, just because I have never reblogged  anything about Scopophobia Studios on my blog doesn’t mean I don’t like their stuff. Anyhoo, this is for the few House House lovers out there. Enjoy!

🏠-There are two things that Maison Talo is certain about

🏠-1.) He loves you and cares about you dearly

🏠-2.) The Uncanny Valley has its fair share of dangers (I mean, he should know, he is one of them) 

🏠- He often recommends joining you for walks whether you are going to work, shopping, or just need some fresh air. He says that it is just him wanting to spend time with you and scope out some “food” for himself

🏠-This is only partially true. Don’t get me wrong, he loves spending time with you and he is always on the lookout for some poor soul that made the mistake of moving to the Uncanny Valley, but his true motivations are to make sure some weirdo doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or harass you. Besides, you and him both know that the bus stops on the edges of the Valley are where he’ll find his “food”, and you barely trek towards the Valley’s edges

🏠-Of course, if you find his presence to be overbearing and want some time to yourself, he’ll hesitantly respect your wishes

🏠-I haven’t even mentioned how he gets when it comes to the threats that he is definitely sure of: Other realtors

  🏠-When he brings this up to you, you are both surprised and not at the same time. I mean, now that you think about it, it makes sense that there would be other “beings” like Maison. At the same time, though, it never popped into your mind (perhaps your brain just doesn’t want to think about potential dangers)

🏠-Maison warns you about how they look and are going to act towards you. Well dressed, sleazy, manipulative, pushy (all things he was towards you when you both first met lol)

🏠-If you are bothered by any other realtor, he wants you to describe them to him. He’ll quickly know who you are talking about and is more than happy to have a little “chat” (read threat) with them about leaving you alone

🏠-While realtors don’t drag their “food” to their house forms by force (i.e. kidnapping), some interactions can leave you a bit shaken up. Especially if you are a more timid person

🏠-If you ever have an encounter that leaves you very shaken, well, don’t be surprised if you see a news story about a “for sale” house on the news that’s gone up in flames on TV

🏠-While you’re watching the news, he’ll glance over to the TV when the story pops up and smile

🏠-”Oh dear, what a shame,” he’ll say before quickly looking away, as the sight of burning houses makes him feel queasy 

🏠-Maison will also find himself getting accustomed to other realtors mocking him 

🏠-”Did you hear? The old man has gone soft.”

🏠-”All of this fuss over a morsel of food.”

 🏠-”That piece of meat’s got him all loopy. He’ll starve.”

🏠-”Shame what happened to Talo. Falling down the food chain like that.”

🏠-He couldn’t care less, though. He hasn’t starved yet and he’s the happiest he’s ever been. And why wouldn’t he? You accept him, you trust him, and you love him. He can’t remember feeling this way towards anyone. Has he ever loved anyone as he does you, before? He isn’t sure

🏠-There is one thing that Maison Talo is certain of: He loves you, his dearest tenant  

[xiaozhuixz]

John Doe & Maison Talo

x

MazM Jekyll and Hyde