#housethemd asks

[oddlittlestories]

42 + 44 for House, 27 + 37 for Wilson!!

- Housethemd (can’t ask from a sideblog, how annoying)

@housethemd

Ooh making me work for it with Wilson

House

3 comfort items:

The softball canon answer is (1) his ball of unknown origin (2) his motorcycle and (3) his instruments. (Add to that his t-shirt collection, his favorite fruit apron, and his assortment of desk items collected randomly over time. House is a secret collector. He loves his things.)

But I think I can push it further with 3 fun headcanons / fan ideas.

1. Favorite book—maybe Moby Dick (for obsession and a flight of fancy, characters who are even more intense than he is as a way of release) or Twelfth Night (yearning and gender fuckery plus you know he was that kid who devoured Shakespeare in middle school just to prove he could). For a genuinely “really, Bee,” option—the collected works of Sherlock Holmes. There are lots of Sherlock adaptations House wouldn’t relate to but the original works are not one. Anyways whatever it is it would be some old fancy volume with paper thin pages and a leather binding. Smells great. Feels great. Looks great on the shelf. He’s read it so many times he can quote from it so he doesn’t pull it out much anymore.

2. Weighted blanket. This man would love and needs a weighted blanket, but maybe he has one already. He would use it an unreasonable amount. Imagine the Ducklings rolling up to ask him a question and he’s in Thinking Mode but with a weighted blanket.

3. French press. He likes the way it makes coffee, it’s copper and he likes the way it looks. He likes the ritual of it. Yeah. French press.

Also he should have a tiny comfy (as much as possible) folding chair in his kitchen. Just saying.

His happiest memory:

I think this strongly depends on what time in his life we’re talking about, so I’m gonna play with that a bit.

Pre-infarction: the paintball game with Stacy. Can you imagine the sexually-tense snarking? The glowing feeling of meeting someone who implicitly understands you - or at least can match your blunt deviousness? A fun way to meet someone so much like you.

Post-infarction to s3: I like to think that somewhere in there was a fun & tender moment with Wilson that something reminds him of and makes him smile on occasion.

s4-5: his whole relationship with Kutner tbqh. Kutner blowing up patients. Kutner switching to no. 9. Screwing with Kutner in the cat episode.

s6: when Wilson buys the organ.

Thereafter I think his happiest memory is doing the spud gun thing with Thirteen and when she tells him that promising to kill her was the best way she’d ever been loved.

Wilson

Guilty pleasure:

I’m just gonna redefine this as “embarrassing pleasure” for my own sake.

Canon: Telenovelas. Look at his defensiveness. Look at the plea in his voice when he begs for the season finale. This man is not learning Spanish. He knows Spanish. And loves telenovelas.

Headcanon: stuffed animals. He doesn’t keep any in the house for a long period of time, but he buys them as gifts as often as possible. He can’t help but anthropomorphize them and likes to hug them and do funny voices. If he was more able to allow himself to do what he wants and fly in the face of convention, he’d have quite a few. (Not hundreds or anything, bc he’d connect with each one, but maybe four or five. They’d live on the bed or the couch.)

What he really thinks about himself:

See now this is the tough one. So many (all?) of the House MD characters are layers within layers, and Wilson is tough bc he’s often unaware of what’s going on with himself. So what he *really* thinks of himself? Hmm.

I think he thinks he deserves better in so many situations. I think sometimes he might be waiting for someone to save him, that if he’s good enough maybe he’ll deserve it & it’ll happen. I think he believes he has to be as giving of a person as he can be or else he is committing a crime / causing harm / not fulfilling his moral and ethical responsibilities. I think he knows he goes above and beyond but is terrified that isn’t true. (And I do think the one hc that he has moral perfectionism OCD makes a lot of sense.)

[housethemd]

I think hilson should eat eachothers ass.

“For equality purposes”

Yes, you are so right. We don’t want anyone feeling left out. Equal opportunity ass eating.

[greghatecrimes]

A while ago, I made a post about what I think the PPTH gang would order at Starbucks. This post by @housethemd had me thinking Coffee Thoughts again about House & co., so here are some thoughts about what I think it would be like to have them as customers in my cafe.

At work, there's regulars (people that come in often enough that I recognize their face), and there's THE regulars (customers that come in so regularly that I know their name, order, a couple details about their life/them as a person, and usually have a pleasant conversation with while they're ordering). For this, I'm operating under the assumption that all of the House characters would fall into the latter group (because they're all doctors at a busy hospital. Any hospital job usually goes for so. much. caffeine).

Cameron probably comes in the most frequently out of anyone, but the baristas would all know her solely as Allie. She'd be one of the regulars that makes having the early-morning opening shift worth it, because she's genuinely always happy to talk with you (and almost always carries cash so she can give you a tip directly). She'd ask how you're doing and remember little details from your conversations (like music you said you liked, or your major/degree if you ever mentioned college). She has a favorite drink for every season (Pumpkin Spice Lattes for fall, Peppermint Mochas for winter, etc.) and is so consistent with her orders that at every open, whoever's working marks a cup for her drink and sets it aside for when she comes in. At least once during "buy one get one half off" sales, she'd buy two of whatever's on sale just to give the second one (or both) to whoever's working at the time.

Chase would probably come in at least a couple of times per week. For some reason, he'd make his appointed Starbucks/café name "Bob" instead of Robert/Rob/Robbie, and every single barista he's met would agree that "there's no way his name is actually Bob. He's way too attractive for that." My coworkers (somewhat surprisingly, not a group of college-aged girls. We are a group of incredibly gay and/or trans 20-somethings LMAO) would absolutely talk about how hot he is when he's not around and swoon over the accent (if there's a list of Hottest Regulars, he's absolutely #1). He'd mention having a girlfriend and order coffee for her occasionally, but everyone would refuse to believe she existed until they saw her for themselves. One day he'd come in with Cameron, and it would make the barista group text explode. (Bob and Allie know each other? And not only that, but Bob and Allie are actually... Bob-And-Allie?! Allie is the mysterious girlfriend?!) There would be full on MOURNING. At least one person would joke about calling in sick from the grief of Aussie Golden Retriever Boyfriend's girlfriend being real. Inexplicably, he'd enjoy Taylor Swift's music and the baristas would love him even more for that.

More characters to come in another post :) I'm thinking probably House, Wilson, and Cuddy next? (Also: thank you to @samathekittycat for your tags on the reblog of the House frappuccino post; it was a small thing but the eyes emoji gave me the motivation to get a bunch of stuff done so I could come back and write this, lol)

[housethemd]

15 and 16 for the head canon thing about house (^.^)

15. Worst thing they’ve ever done

Ohh this is also hard, because House isn’t afraid to do “bad” things. I think in canon his top two are probably stealing Wilson’s prescription pad and driving his car through Cuddy’s living room probably top the list, but lets do head canons.

I think the worst thing House ever did was absolutely demolish a girls heart when he was in undergrad. He was in like 4th year and she was in 2nd and she absolutely adored him. He really liked her too, and they went on a few dates one of which ended in him taking her virginity.

They saw each other a few times after that and while she wasn’t being pushy about relationship stuff she talked about it and House got scared. She was kind to him, cared about him, thought he was something worth while, and House, only a few years out of his abusive father’s grasp couldn’t handle that.

So he stopped answering her calls. Avoided her in public. About a month later she ran into him at a party and she goes to talk to him, being very mature and reasonable, just a “hey, what happened?”

And he looked at her and said,

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

(He feels guilty about it for years afterwards.)

16. Deepest darkest secret they won’t even admit to themselves

He wants a hug.

A hill I will die on is that Gregory House is horribly touch-starved. I think House’s deepest secret is that he wants to curl up in someone’s (*cough* Wilson’s *cough*) arms. He wants them to rub his back and maybe rock a little. He just wants to be held.

Thank you for the ask!!

[housethemd]

Anyways. House should eat Wilson's ass.

He absolutely should anon, he absolutely should!!

(Thank you for your previous ask/message as well!! I read it and I have more content like that coming 😄 I’ll definitely be incorporating this suggestion as well hehe)

[housethemd]

27 house

27. Their guilty pleasure

Ouuuu this is a hard one for House. He’s so unapologetic about everything, like he openly loves his soap operas and hookers and so many things most would consider “guilty” pleasures.

So his would be something a little more mainstream, something most people wouldn’t consider a “guilty” pleasure but he does because it contradicts his cold, caustic exterior.

We know he likes to do nice things for people behind their backs, so it could definitely be that. Though if we want to veer into more headcanon-y territory I feel like his guilty pleasure would be musicals.

Outwardly he makes fun of them, thinks they’re stupid, rags on Wilson for liking them, but secretly he thinks they’re amazing. (There has to be a reason the first thing he plays on the organ Wilson buys him is a song from The Phantom of the Opera, right?)

Thanks for ask anon!!

[housethemd]

Your fics are literally SOO good. Behind Closed Doors specifically is one of my FAVORITES

Omg thank you anon!! Behind Closed Doors was so fun to write, I’m glad you enjoy it! 😁

[housethemd]

hi!! i really love ur writing, u have written some of my fav house fics :3 if i may.... could i get some of ur thoughts on house navigating sex after the infarction? i love the exploration of sex as not just getting off, but as an emotionally intimate, deeply vulnerable act. something to be explored and practiced, something imperfect and deeply personal and unique. lmao anyways sorry for blabbering, i just think u have very good ideas about house and wilson's sexual relationship. u understand them so well

Ahhh thank you anon!! ☺️

So I’m going to start with my thoughts immediately post infarction and work up to Hilson because I have many thoughts!

Okay so I think immediately after the infarction and for a while after House had very little interest in sex. The pain and the drugs he would have been on would have had a negative effect on his libido, but also his tanking self esteem and body image likely would have killed his desire for sex. I think if in the year or so following the infarction if he did have sex, it was likely because he felt he was “supposed to” want sex, not because he actually did. I also personally headcanon that he probably would have started taking viagra or another type of ED medication to help because again, pain and emotional issues have a detrimental effect on sexual performance.

I think that plays into why he starts hiring prostitutes. He feels terrible about his body, insecure about his ability to perform, and he knows a prostitute won’t care. The lack of emotional connection makes it easier for him to set aside his anxieties. He is also literally paying them to cater to him, so it’s easier to ignore the fact that there are positions he just can’t do anymore. I think it would likely be vary hard for him to be on his knees for more than a couple minutes, especially when combined with thrusting, which means a lot of more common sexual positions (missionary, doggy, etc) are now out of the question for him. With prostitutes he doesn’t have to worry about them asking him to take a position he can’t, he simply says he wants them to ride him and they do it without question.

That all to say that from the infarction to whenever he and Wilson get together (whenever you personally like to headcanon that to be) House avoids the emotional aspects of sex like the plague.

Now when House and Wilson get together, House suddenly finds himself with a regular sexual partner who he cares about very much, and who cares about him in return. House can’t avoid the emotional aspects of sex anymore. He worries about what Wilson thinks of the infarction scar during sex, about what if Wilson wants a position House can’t do, House is worried about Wilson finding out he sometimes needs pills to get it up, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.

Wilson I think would try to get House to talk about his limits, requirements, etc early on but House would refuse because he’s built up so many walls he can’t figure how to let them down. Eventually though I think House would be so stressed about Wilson’s thoughts and his own performance that he wouldn’t be able perform at all. This probably makes him angry, convinced Wilson won’t want to be with him anymore because House sees himself as “broken.”

I think once House has had time to cool down, Wilson would finally be able to coax House into talking about it. Wilson probably went into his relationship with House knowing House would have limits, but also knowing House wouldn’t want to talk about them. But when he finally gets House to open up he feels so special. House would admit to needing the pills sometimes, about how he finds some positions hard and some downright painful, about how every time he takes off his pants he worries Wilson will be so turned off by his scar that he won’t want him anymore.

From there they start to explore what House can do. They find new positions, they try out new forms of pleasure when House is having difficulty getting it up (prostate orgasm, anyone?), Wilson kisses House’s scar to show him it doesn’t bother him, that it’s just another part of House. Yeah, Wilson has to prod still to get House to be honest but after a while the honesty comes more easily. House is able to reframe sex in his mind as being a journey instead of a goal. Together House is able to learn whole new ways his body can feel good.

I’m working on writing a fic with the working title “5 times House and Wilson had unconventional sex, and 1 time they didn’t” which explores the fun new types of pleasure these boys get up too, as well as House’s emotional journey regarding sex and how he feels about it and himself. So a bunch of the things mentioned here will be thought out more in depth in that.

Sorry this got so long! But I hope I answered your question and thank you so much for the ask!

[housethemd]

1, 4, and 17 for House 💙

1. Canon I outright reject

Okay so there is a line in S1 I believe where Cuddy says “You are taking twice as many pills as when I hired you.” But it was previously established that House had been working at PPTH for eight years. With the infarction only being five years ago in S1 that implies that House was addicted to Vicodin prior to the infarction. I refuse to accept this and chalk it up to an early season time line fuck up.

4. Favorite line

“We have rectal bleeding.”

“What, all of you?” 😂

This is the first one that comes to mind. I know he has had lots of gut wrenching lines over the course of the show, but that one makes me laugh every time.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Ohh love this.

“Why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become? No one ever apologized for making me this way.”

Like. If that isn’t House all over. He had an abusive childhood, had a medical emergency that wasn’t caught in time resulting in surgery being performed on him against his will, and people wonder why he’s cold and angry.

I’ll Be Good by Jaymes Young is a song that makes me think about House a lot, especially around S6ish.

Honestly I have a whole Hilson playlist so anyone wants that they should let me know because I will share it.

Thanks for the ask!!

[housethemd]

Hi op! Thoughts and hc on autistic House and how he is obsessed with running in early s3? Do you think he is enjoying movement with his leg that hadn’t been allowed for years or do you think his obsessive enjoyment of exercise also has a bit sensory seeking elements too? Or could it be something else? Thanks!

Oh you’ve got the wheels of my mind turning now!

I think it absolutely has a sensory seeking component. I also always felt House used sports/exercise as a way to self regulate before the infarction (I know running for me is super helpful for my self regulation.)

Honestly I think his motorcycle is an attempt to get a similar sensory experience to running (the adrenaline, the speed, the wind on his body, etc. if that makes sense.) So gaining the ability to regulate through body movement in early S3 is just so amazing for him that he leans into it even harder than he did pre-infarction.

I hope that all makes sense! Thank you for the ask!

[oddlittlestories]

Your wip Three scenarios has me intrigued!! Care to share some about it? 😀

- housethemd

Ooh yes absolutely thank you for asking!

So this is a Wilson POV fic that parallels 1x21 Three Stories.

We don’t see Wilson in the flashbacks to House’s infarction, and I have decided it’s because he wasn’t there which begs the question Why.

In three planned chapters, which I have outlined, I explore three scenarios of why Wilson wasn’t there, and the impact on his perspective on each situation.

[housethemd]

Do you still do requests? If yes, can you do a hurtfic/Sickfic where House I'd the victim of a shooting and after the gets out of the hospital the gets sick and Wilson takes care of him? Please!

I do still take requests! I have a couple I’m currently working on along side my own ideas so I never make any promises on when things can be completed, so as long as you are cool with that I’d absolutely write that!

Are you looking for the fic to take place using the time House canonically gets shot? Or an AU where he is shot at a different time? Are you looking for House and Wilson to be in an established relationship or friends? If you have no preferences regarding these things I can absolutely just run with the idea as you presented it, but I like to check to make sure I’m writing what you’d like to see!!

Thank you for the request!!

[housethemd]

i realized that I've probably been spam liking you by mistake, so I apologize. I have just discovered house md headcanons tumblr and am having a great time

OMG SPAM ME!! Honest to god it thrills me!! I’m so glad you are having a good time on house md headcanons tumblr! 😁😁

[housethemd]

Hello, I've been reading your fics and I simply love them <3, I don't know why I hadn't found them before. Amm, I don't know if you're still accepting requests, but if you do, here it is. This request is a bit strange but I've always wanted an Omegaverse-themed fic where Wilson obviously likes House, who is an Omega. But Cuddy also likes House, and the two have a confrontation. Here they would both court House in his own way and then see who House chooses.

(forgive my bad English)

Aw thank you!! I’m glad you enjoy them ❤️

Ou that is a fun premise!! I have a few requests on the go now, but it will definitely go on the list!!

[housethemd]

Imagine House MD Danganronpa AU. Now weep.

I’m sorry anon. I’m aware of danganronpa as a thing that exists, but besides that I have no idea what it is or what it’s about.

[housethemd]

hiiiiii fic idea: its winter and house's leg cramps up from the cold so wilson wraps him up in blankets and cuddles with him

Ouuu I love this!!

I have it about halfway done! It will be titled “Come in from the Cold” and I’ll tag you when it’s posted 😄

Thank you so much for the prompt!!