#how are sam and dean and cas going to like

[secondbeatsongs]

when you're into the Big Ship™ in a Big Fandom™, you have the luxury of having an OTP - a real One True Pairing, where you can read about just them for ages, and you will never run out of fics, and everything is perfect and beautiful and nothing hurts

but when you go to a smaller fandom, you'd better pray to whatever god you worship that someone else in this room ships the same thing that you do, and that if they do, they're writing more than late-night crackfic, because you're on thin fucking ice!

and how small is your small fandom? is it less than 100 fics? maybe even...less than 20 fics?

welp, then it's time to make peace with that god and either open up a text document or learn how to ship everything, because it's swim or drown babey! and your ship is sinking fast

anyway all of this is to say that after hanging out in small fandoms and shipping less-common pairings for a while, going back into a Big Huge Fandom™ is wild because suddenly it's like...wait, why didn't I ship these people again? I don't remember. why was I only sticking to one ship in this fandom?? boring of me, honestly. these guys should make out.

[narrynukezankielover]

I know this scene in ep 17 has been talked about before but what I found interesting is that Naomi is talking like she’s getting Cas ready for when he finds the angel tablet and he’ll be forced to kill whoever is with him. She doesn’t specify Dean or Sam yet of course Cas is forced to kill hundreds of Dean clones. This tells me that she assumes Cas will be with Dean whether it’s because he’ll need help and she knows he’s the one Cas will go to because he trusts Dean or Dean wouldn’t let Cas do it by himself and will go with Cas.

Sam is surprised that Dean prayed to Cas even though he’s calling him an ass. Obviously Sam doesn’t know that Dean has prayed to Cas hundreds of times since he prayed to him every night in purgatory and a bunch of times before and after. It’s only now that Sam realizes that there’s something wrong with Cas yet Dean knew as soon as Cas came back. So Dean knows something is wrong and that’s what’s makeing Cas act weird yet he still trusts Cas to watch over Sam. It’s amazing because Dean isn’t a religious person and he has no faith in god or the other angels. All his hope and faith is in Cas. If Cas dies his hope and faith is gone and he can barely function.

This scene is amazing. One of the best scenes I’ve seen so far in terms of acting and storyline. Dean tells Cas to get the angel tablet Cas will have to kill him first. That’s usually something someone says if they are planning to fight back yet Dean does nothing but let Cas hit him. It’s beautiful that they won’t fight each other even in a situation like this where Cas is being mind controlled. Then there’s Deans speech. I know you. It’s me. We’re family. We need you (swallow). I need you. The I know you and it’s me is saying the same thing I just said Dean knows Cas wouldn’t intentionally hurt him of all people. Then the we’re family. That’s a big thing for Dean. It means I trust you, I’d die for you and I know you feel the same way. First he said we need you as in him and Sam needs Cas as an angel but then he swallows and gets the courage to say I need you. This is also big. Dean has said this to Cas before but it was different. Before it was a I need you in my life whether you’re an angel or not. This time it was clearly Dean not haveing the courage to say I love you but the next best thing. This time it’s more about their profound bond as Cas said. I know originally Dean was supposed to say I love you but I personally don’t think he’s ready to say that yet. Then Cas goes to fix Dean but Dean doesn’t know if Cas is going to kill him or what he’s going to do yet all Dean does is grab Cas arm.

The beginning of ep 18. Sam asks Dean if there was anything he wanted to talk about and what had happened with Cas. Dean said like my feelings? Sam said sure if that’s what you want to talk about. Sounds like Sam knows about Deans feelings for Cas and is letting him know that he’s willing to listen. This look was Dean realizing Sam knows but there’s no way he’s talking about it yet.

Lastly I just want to share this. I had a conversation with my friend a few days ago and she watched Supernatural just not the last season (it’s not on netflix or it wasn’t when she was watching it). She also isn’t on tumblr or instagram and hasn’t watched any of the con interviews so she has no idea about what people say about the show. She’s half homophobic. She doesn’t mind gay guys but she doesn’t want to see it. I asked her what she thinks Deans sexuality is. She said bi. I asked if it was because she knows I’m a Destiel fan but she said no it’s pretty obvious considering the scenes. Then I told her about Cas confession speech and how Dean was supposed to say I love you and a bunch of other stuff that was supposed to happen and how the changes didn’t change Destiel at all and she said I knew it.

[calmangel]

No because why am I scared of being made fun of for loving these men when Destiel is probably the most beautiful thing ever created.

An angel pulls a righteous man from hell and heals his wounds and is so overcome with this triumph that he screams DEAN WINCHESTER HAS BEEN SAVED so loud that he awakens fallen angels. He rebuilds this man from dust. The man is scared of Castiel, they don’t trust each other, but they need each other—the man begs the angel to see why Heaven, why God’s plan is corrupt and the angel should trust him. Against nature, breaking from the script, against God, his Father—the angel rebels. The angel rips out the part of him that serves Heaven all for this man and only because he asks. Only because now he’s starting to feel, and angels don’t feel.

What’s coming isn’t an easy task—the man considers giving himself up but the angel won’t let him, beating him unconscious while yelling I rebelled for this? And still, when the day comes, the angel dies for him. The angel attacks his own brothers for this man, is incinerated instantly, and never gave it a second thought.

After the angel is resurrected, they spend years trying to fix everything for each other and almost always do it wrong. They are eventually sent to purgatory together, and the man spends every waking moment praying to his angel. He could’ve escaped, he could’ve been angry at the angel for his misdoings, but he stayed, ripping flesh and killing anything in his way to get to the angel. But he doesn’t understand—the angel, upset, says they’re after me, Dean. I avoid you to protect you. The man won’t listen. He can’t. He pulls the angel to the exit but their hands slip right there, on the precipice. And the man is so distraught that he tells himself he’d let go by accident, but we know this isn’t true. The angel wanted to stay, wanted to feel punishment. The angel saved the righteous man and stayed behind.

But they can’t be kept apart can they?

The angel finds his way back, like always, and Dean is seeing his face everywhere. Dean blames himself. It’s easier than thinking his angel wanted to stay. It’s easier than being abandoned.

Heaven isn’t happy with this angel—this silly thing that gave up its innate purpose and programming all for a human—so they attempt to rewire him, resorting to lobotomy as a way to force him into conforming. They create infinite copies of his human and force him to kill each one, testing his loyalties. And after all this, after being turned into a mindless soldier through torture, it only takes one thing to break the connection. Dean, on his knees, saying I need you.

And this does not fix everything. Now the angel is desperate to undo his wrongs, searching for ways to repay him; so desperate that he misplaces his trust and is irreparably damaged, intimately violated by God’s Scribe. His grace, every part of his angelic traits, is stolen from him, literally ripped from his throat before the Scribe sends all angels plummeting to the Earth. And now the angel is an entirely new species—a human, soft and vulnerable, with nothing to his name—a prime target of angry, wingless angels.

There is only one thing he can do. He can call his human, beg for help, but it’s not going to come quickly. He has to decide between eating and warding himself from his murderous siblings. He virtuously refuses to steal or hurt anyone. He just wants to be safe. He trusts the wrong person and, seconds away from being saved by his human, is stabbed through the heart. Although his brother is injured, Dean caresses his angel’s face and sobs, insisting that the entity inside his brother’s body fix Cas despite how it will hurt the entity and likely put Dean’s brother at risk. It doesn’t matter. Then they go home, and the angel feels safe for the first time as a human.

But nothing lasts forever. The entity inside Sam is anxious, insecure around Cas, and so Dean asks the angel to leave. For probably the first time, Castiel feels intense sadness. Betrayal. Grief. Stress. And it’s because of his human, the one human he was attempting to make everything up to before. Well, apparently he hadn’t done well enough. The angel leaves, still desperate for cash and food, resorting to sleeping in the storeroom of a gas station to stay warm.

The angel has to protect himself from enemies, stealing angelic grace just to keep going. At the same time, Dean takes on the mark of Cain and slowly loses sanity. The angel earns a league of likeminded angels that believe in him, and it finally looks like maybe he can do things on his own again. Naturally, this can’t last for long—his allegiance to this dangerous, marked human is too risky for any angels to trust him.

And his allegiance is tested, but holds strong. Dean can tear the angel to pieces and he’ll still lay there on the floor, unwilling to harm him, and Dean will walk away knowing he could’ve killed Cas but didn’t. Couldn’t.

Over and over, they fight together or they fight each other and it never ends any different. They stick together. They get angry about how the other is acting. And they stay, because leaving just isn’t an option.

The next time the angel dies, the righteous man isn’t the same. He can’t accept it now, now that it seems real and now that the angel was so solidly good, so individualistic and pure. He burns his body and watches, red-eyed. This time it’s real. This time God isn’t on their side to bring him back. So he does what he knows—he drinks, he hides in comfort, he puts himself at risk. He starts thinking that maybe the solution to their problems is for him to die—really, hadn’t they destroyed the natural order enough?

And then the angel calls him from a payphone and all thoughts of ending his life are wiped from his mind. Dean didn’t care how he’d returned, just brought him home and indulged in a way they never did—they took a fun case, they dressed up like cowboys and caught a bad guy.

They’re not allowed fun, though. They’re doomed by the narrative—the God that is insistent upon failure. Over and over they’re tested, and no matter whose mother is killed and whose psyche is broken by being blamed for it, they stay together. Because you can hate and love at the same time. Because you don’t really hate them.

And at the end of it all, they’re still together. In the angel’s last moments, it’s still only about his human. What’s important is getting Dean safe, is coming up with a plan that saves Dean. Because even though Castiel had all his grace, Dean was the powerful one. Dean was the one who needed to kill God, who needed to stay alive, and who deserved a life.

And the angel did the only thing he knew how to do, the only thing that always worked—he sacrificed himself for his human. He told his human that he was in love with him, and told him the things he needed to hear, and let himself be swallowed up by eternity. All for Dean. For Dean, who was still beautiful.

And this did save the world, but Dean wasn’t the same, really. He vowed to give himself a good life, try to move forward, but it really wasn’t going to happen was it? It was always going to end in his brother’s arms after a hunt. And he was okay with it. And when he got to Heaven, sitting beside his true father with a beer in hand, he heard Cas’s name and smiled. It had been ages since he smiled.

[castielafflicted]

the thing abt most of the reoccurring men in spn is like. i couldnt fix him. but i could dom him.

[ardentpoop]

the s4 parallels are putting my heart through the wringer :)

sam extends levels of compassion and patience to the vulnerable people in his life that he was never offered when he needed it most

[found--family]

they couldn't let cesar and jesse return bc they would've taken one look at dean and cas interacting and known they had it bad for each other

[sastiel-is-my-serotonin]

Currently thinking about Debriel's and Sastiel's height differences.

[kiwichaeng]

And there I stand to the side, five minutes early to my errand, reading omegaverse fanfiction

[vendettasfanfictioning]

I feel like I've said this already but they just didn't make Dean the way fanfic authors do—and in the context of destiel, it's him trying to work through the anger, it's finding peace within himself and killing the storm always raging in his veins, it's reciprocating Cas' soft touch outside of him dying on Dean. It is Cas readily forgiving most of Dean's mistakes and Dean doing his damnedest to be worthy anyways. Because listen.

Listen.

I am one half a Deangirl I will gladly spend my last days tinhatting and nerding out about the nuances of his character—but come on, he has crimes that should not have been skimmed over (ahem S9 Steve arc ahem S15 divorce arc ahem Mary's death ahem) that I know within my soul he would feel absolutely shitty about, post Cas confession. He may have done everything for love but he was also an asshole for a lot of it and they should ‼️ be‼️ able‼️ to‼️ work on that‼️‼️‼️‼️

And I'm not talking about Dean coddling Cas or whatever, I'm talking about Dean working past his issues to let himself have soft things and fully connect with someone. Healthy communication, healthy relationships, health coping mechanisms—that shivering wet cat of a man deserved therapy (news flash: they all did) and that kind of healing.

And that's something fanfic authors just understand better than the big name execs or whoever deemed it climactic to end Dean's story by dying.

[quietwingsinthesky]

domestic destiel with baby jack except that dean wants to kill himself the entire time because he feels like he’s trapped and can’t keep going through these motions that he doesn’t feel

[silentflashoflightning]

my take on sam & destiel is that I think sam does Not know they are in love with each other he’s just like y’know. my brother has many issues and was raised by our dad so of course he is weirdly attached to cas. and cas is an angel whose fall into humanity was kickstarted by dean And his social circle is mostly limited to them so of course he is weirdly attached to dean. But. crucial. I think unconsciously to himself he Does mentally put cas into a sort of dean’s wife slot. like every time cas and dean fight and/or cas disappears it affects the whole household (sam) through dean. like if dean drove down to sam’s house to sulk and sleep on his couch only they already live and work together most of the time so sam can’t escape. he does feel like he is affected by his brother’s divorce he just doesn’t spin this out into a realization that his brother is Literally going through a divorce or widowhood

[katya-goncharov]

the thing about the supernatural finale is that it was the first episode of supernatural i ever watched, and i watched it live which meant it was 3am in my timezone, and i'd only seen the destiel love confession clip before that and i didn't know what supernatural was like so i really thought that dean and cas might get together

[godlesscity]

i think watching goodbye stranger changed me as a person

[bisaster-energy]

think i'd actually rather die than read another fic where the main plot point is cas trying to make up for something "bad" he did

[castielmacleod]

Remember when Cas watched Dean rake leaves while invisible. Not to be dark but in my head he did that while Dean was on the nail. And just let himself watch it happen.