#how can i have everything ive ever wanted and still feel so empty?

[gothiclovebug]

ohhhh i see now. i am mentally unwell.

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

[willowfey]

.

[malewifesband]

as big as the friend confession scene is i love this part best. laios is ofc still under the impression that kabru likes monster food and went thru this big effort to make something special for him and then kabru goes out of his way to be so warm and sweet, and frankly a bit flirtatious like i know he thinks that exit killed it

and hes kinda right bc laios cannot stop staring after him when he leaves and i cannot attribute all that to him being confused about what kabru meant by "dont forget me next time". like laios means it if he says something like "meeting you was the best part of this" those are not empty words even if hes under a false impression about kabru--i dont think its just that kabru shared his interest that has his attention either. i think its bc kabru really engaged with him. i dont think his opinion wouldve changed much if kabru said "nahhhh im good i wont eat a monster cool for you tho have fun" instead of saying he would try it

(and he really is trying the 'laugh at anything he says so he'll feel special' strat here huh.....)

and kabru despite being a stranger he helped get thru to shuro about falins resurrection

and he does it with a sensitivity and care that laios wishes he was capable of and he know it limits him as a leader

the thought laios keeps having about kabru isnt "wow he loves monsters too!" its "wow he is sooooo nice :3" which he is! at this stage he likes kabru bc he feels heard by him and kabru has qualities he knows he lacks but admires greatly and didnt make fun of him or call him weird for his interest in monsters

the way kabru acts and thinks about laios at this point feels allegorical to how people feel in new relationships. can i trust you? are you who you seem? if i tell you how ive been hurt, will you use this to hurt me or to protect me? i dont know yet, but i like you so far, so im going to show you the self that i think you'll like best. i want to impress you. i want you to trust me so maybe i can trust you

so much of dungeon meshi is about the way that we accidentally hurt our loved ones because we cant always understand them, or we dont know whats best for them when theyve been hurt in such complex ways, or because were too scared of being hurt again to tell them not to press into the bruise (see: chimera falin, falin giving up parts of her life to suit/protect marcille and laios bc she loves them, laios driving marcille deeper into the winged lions grip TWICE with his advice in the nightmares and again with the dungeon rabbits, everything chilchuck has ever done in his whole life, laios' father's everything also, and this is a labru post so ofc kabru lying about wanting to eat monsters to impress laios) i wouldnt be surprised if the allegory was intentional

anyways this part of their relationship budding into a toxic little flower theyll have to prune later is very cute to me and i really like reading it again knowing how they turn their relationship around later into one built on a mutual understanding and trust

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: fratboy!mingyu, same couple as this fic (can be read as a standalone tho), established relationship, mingyu is whipped as per usual, wonwoo's mentioned to be reader's brother, afab reader, smut, soft sex, riding, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 1459

a/n: was so happy to hear ppl liked this couple :D here's a link to the main fic! i'll periodically write more lil drabbles for them so if u have any ideas my asks are open <3

masterlist

"g-gyu! i have to go. i cant keep being late!", you whined at him as he nuzzled his head into your neck, kissing and nibbling at the sensitive skin there.

it was yet another night you'd spent over at mingyu's frat. you were currently in bed with the man, pinned down by his strong arms.

despite having shared rooms with wonwoo before, mingyu had made a case to allow for him and wonwoo to have separate rooms, arguing that they'd been members of the frat for over a year by now and deserved some privileges due to seniority. fortunately for mingyu, his insistence was not met with much pushback, leading to wonwoo moving his things out and into one of the empty rooms in the frat about a week later. what the rest of frat members hadn't known however, was that mingyu's insistence was born purely out of his need to sneak you into his room night after night without having your brother get in the way.

he continued kissing at your neck without a single care in the world, still holding you against him, "baby, it's fine. i used to skip my freshman year all the time. they won't miss you."

"gyu! i wanna keep my gpa, ive been late three times this week. i'll be back in an hour, just be patient," you managed to unwrap yourself from him and wobble your way up, legs still weak from last night.

he dramatically groaned, allowing his back to flop onto the bed, "why do you hate me?"

jesus, he was so dramatic.

you sighed to yourself and approached him again, pulling at his hands to get him to sit up again. he let his body be limp, causing him to end up leaning against you once you'd pulled him all the way up. he took advantage of the angle and wrapped his arms against you once more, not pulling you against him this time but still keeping a light hold on you.

"stop being dramatic! we had sex last night! we'll have sex again today! just wait for me to get back, okay, baby?"

he chuckled at this, leaning up once more to try and kiss at you, "is it bad that i want you, baby?", he was teasing you, you could tell, "i've only had you to myself for a month. can you blame me for wanting you every day? i waited for years to have you, remember?", with this, he began to pull you towards him, easily getting you to straddle his legs on the bed.

"of ... of course not," you sighed out as his kisses became more and more sensual, now running his hands up and down your bare back.

you were too weak for him. you'd only managed to get off the bed for a few seconds, not even getting a single article of clothing on before he got you right back on his bed.

"so you'll let me take care of you, right baby?", he breathed against your ear, placing a playful bite on it as his hands lowered and lowered until landing on your ass, groping and toying with it. he instigated you, encouraging you to begin grinding against him at a slow and sensual tempo. everything felt slower in the early hours of the morning.

this was a common occurrence for you two ever since you'd first confessed your feelings for one another a little over a month ago. he'd expressed to you how badly he'd wanted you for years, knowing you'd only recently began to like him and wanting to give you time to process your feelings before confessing. but once you'd confessed, it led to endless time together. you were even more attached to the hip than you'd been as best friends, if that was even possible. with full support from both wonwoo and all your friends, you and mingyu had become inseparable, leading you to spend most of your nights being snuck into mingyu's frat.

you'd grown thirsty for each other, having had to hold back on your desires for each other for too long before growing to desperate and resulting in the night mingyu finally had you in his room a month ago. ever since then, mingyu had insisted on keeping you to himself day after day, just like last night, when he'd insisted you stay over (again) after having fucked you into the mattress late into the night.

the issue was, mingyu was a bit insatiable. even after that first night, even after being caught by wonwoo immediately after, he had insisted on fucking you again in the morning. just like now, as he managed to get you on your back again, legs spread as he laid his weight on top of you and ground his bare length against your folds.

you whined at him, wanting more than just friction. if he was gonna keep you from going to class, the least he could do was actually fuck you. you somehow managed to flip the gigantic man over (ok, he mightve let you do it ..), positioning yourself on top of him before lowering yourself on him.

"fuck! yeah, baby, that's it. such a good girl ..." he groaned upon feeling your walls close up around him. "gonna imprint my dick in you, baby. keep you all to myself," one thing about mingyu was his constant need to whisper filthy things in your ear as he made your eyes roll back.

he quickly took control of your hips, holding them down whenever he wanted to cant his hips upwards against yours, or sometimes simply guiding your hips to allow you to grind your clit against him at a speed that made your toes curl.

"g-gyu! shit! just like that!"

"right there, pretty? shit, is that the spot?", he took your whines as confirmation, beginning to ram his hips into yours even faster, lowering his hand between both of you in order to toy with your clit.

you threw your head back, feeling lightheaded at the way in he covered all bases of your pleasure, not only hitting your g spot consistently but also rubbing your clit at a tempo that had all air leaving your head. he was even at some points alternating between sucking your tongue into his mouth and lowering his head to lick and bite your boobs. in the very short period of time you'd been dating, mingyu had figured out everything you liked. every weak spot, he had dominated, knowing what brought you pleasure even better than yourself.

"'m gonna cum, fuck! don't stop!", you knew he didn't need any warning with how familiar he was with your body, but you just couldn't help but be vocal when around him.

"i know, pretty. cum for me, yeah? want you gushing all around me- shit! then ... then im gonna fill you up like a cute lil creampie. okay, baby?" he said this as he felt you tighten around him, a clear tell that you were seconds away from reaching ultimate bliss.

your orgasm triggered his, making him bury his head in your chest as you rode your high still tightly wrapped around him. even when you tried to unglue yourself from him, he kept you shoved against him for a few more seconds, lightly grinding against you for some extra stimulation despite how sensitive you both were after yet another intense orgasm shared between the two of you.

"shit .. it was worth it, wasn't it?", was his immediate response to you finally catching your breath.

"you're gonna make me flunk out of college," you deadpanned, not serious at all.

"good. that way i can keep you he-"

"can you guys shut the fuck up? i'm still sharing a wall with you, jesus christ," the sound of banging against the wall had interrupted you, wonwoo's voice cutting through.

the both of you remained silent for a minute, staring at each other with wide eyes.

"dude! you didn't tell me wonwoo was staying right next door!", you whisper-shouted, embarrassed your brother might've heard you.

"i didnt know he could hear us!", he whispered back. he got up and stuck his ear to the wall before speaking up again, at full volume this time, "how much did you hear?"

wonwoo waited a beat or two before you could hear his response through the wall.

"i put on my headphones every time i see you sneak her in. just go to her dorm, for fuck's sakes."

well, so much for not getting caught sneaking into the dorm past the allowed visitation hours.

mingyu hummed at this, turning to speak to you now.

"he kinda has a point, baby. how come i haven't fucked you in your dorm?"

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

nsfw idea😙 tangerine sees reader in the bath using the shower head……

dude ive had this idea and wanted to write this for so long !! thanks for requesting, hope you like it💌 as im about to post this, JUST saw there’s a tangerine in front of the candle on the left ??!? how fitting

HELPING HAND

tangerine x female reader

word count. 819

warnings. 18+ only!! shower head as stimulation, tan helps bc he’s so bf, light choking (just throat holding) he can’t help himself and finishes in his boxers🫠 mdni

You were in the bath, one leg hooked over the top of the tub, the other bent at the knee, hand in between gripping onto the shower head - directing the water at that sensitive, little, sweet spot.

You've been at it for a little while now, growing more and more frustrated at the constant growing and disappearance of your orgasm. Your forearm was beginning to ache, and your knee started to seize up - like everything in your body was telling you to stop, but you were finally starting to feel something - it was starting to feel good again. That was all until your hand moved so so slightly, knocking the water flow away from your needy clit. 

There's a faint knock at the bathroom door, Tangerine on the other side growing concerned at your unusually long shower.

"Darlin'? Ya'right?"

You clear your throat, propping yourself up slightly. "Yeah," you reply, though it doesn't sound as you planned - it comes out more whiney, frustrated.

"Don't sound it," he dismisses, tapping at the handle. "Can I come in? Need'ta get my deodorant."

You hesitate, looking down at yourself - laying in an empty bath, shower head hitting between your thighs. It wasn't hard to figure out what you were doing. 

"Nothin' I ain't seen before," he says, his words trailing to a halt when he sees the lewd image of you in front of him. "Fuck."

Immediately, you grow embarrassed - almost ashamed at the vulnerable and compromising he caught you in. You open your mouth to speak, but no words come out. Instead, you just duck lower into the tub, like you were hiding - trying to shield yourself from his intense gaze.

He makes his way closer, stilling once your whole frame is in view again.

"Don't stop on my account," he murmurs, his voice losing its usual tone of conviction - growing hoarse at the sight of you. "Keep goin', love."

You meet his eye line, watching how quickly they flicker over you, like they were overwhelmed by the view - raking over your wet, quivering body. You hold his gaze as he lowers to the floor, kneeling beside you in the tub. 

He extends an arm towards you, hand reaching for your face. He brushes his thumb over your bottom lip, swiping over the flesh - focusing on you with half-lidded eyes. "Want me to help?"

You eagerly nod your head, immediately agreeing. You were far too frustrated to turn down his offer, so you submit, passing him the showerhead. 

He situates himself on the side of the tub facing you, one hand lightly holding the base of your throat, the other between your thighs, angling the water at your clit.

You instantly cry out at the contact, already feeling more than you have for the last thirty minutes. It felt so much better with Tan's help, his grounding palm on your damp skin, and his other continuing to hit the water at that little, swollen nub ever so perfectly. 

Your eyes screwed shut, but he remained focused on you - eyes drifting to your heaving chest, over to your hand clutching at the side of the tub, back down to your thighs where they started to shudder; everything was just so erotic, unlike anything he had ever seen before. 

"It's right there, right there— please don't move. I feel it again. There— god," you mindlessly mutter, cutting yourself off with a staggered breath.

"I won't, darlin'," he whispers, sharply inhaling when he feels the impossible strain in his boxers - his cock begging to be touched. "I won't."

You focus on the airy feeling in your lower tummy, concentrating on that fuzzy sensation spread further as you approach your ever-lasting buildup. 

You cry out, harshly moaning as you reach your intense high - chest heaving, stomach jittering, thighs clamping together as you attempt to rid his hand. 

"Jus'a bit more," he murmurs. "That's it."

You're a jolting, spasming mess, mewling out against the almost overstimulating feeling, swatting his hand away. "No more, no more," you breathe out, slumping into the tub in a state of near-exhaustion. "I— fuck."

He softly groans, feeling the head of his cock twitch against the fabric, twinging as he coats the inside of his boxers in a layer of warm cum. 

Only this time, it was you watching him - gawking at the way he came untouched, purely by the sight of you.

"Did—" you start, eyes wide as you peer up at him. "That was the hottest thing I have ever seen."

He exhales, cheeks faintly flush as he stands. "Couldn't help it," he breathes, raking through his curls. He picks up his deodorant from the side and turns to face you, a soft smile spreading as he reaches for the door handle. "You're the only girl that's made me jizz my pants like that."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

no taglist as don't want to spam

[xxcallmemaryxx]

IV x GN reader

IV with a little bit of separation anxiety... he just can't keep his hands off you...

He was good at keeping it together. At first anyway… when the two of you were still getting used to each other and adjusting to being together. Nights spent with him in your bed unable to keep your hands off each other, that bled into mornings with him wrapped around you as you sort some kind of breakfast out for you both. It was magical and amazing and kept a goofy smile plastered permanently on your lips. 

But there was downtime too. When he went home for a few nights. When you both needed to prioritise work for a little while. When he went away for tour and was out and about exploring the world and making unreal memories for thousands of people every night. Texts and phone calls became your usual and it was fine. You missed each other, of course, but ultimately it was doable. 

Until he changed. 

The time you’d each spend at your own houses without the other became shorter and shorter as the months went on. IV making himself very comfortable within the walls of your home, it was nice to see honestly. Knowing he felt welcomed and relaxed here was a good feeling. But then when it came time for him to go back home, he’d somehow always manage to convince you to pack a bag and stay with him for a few days then too. 

How could you ever say no to him? 

Eventually, if it came time for you to go back home again for whatever reason. He’d try everything he could to convince you to stay longer. Swearing he doesn’t mind and he wants you with him. He enjoys your presence and how warm his bed is every morning that he wakes up with you in it. 

He pouts when he realises he needs to let you leave. But tells you he’ll be seeing you again in a few days time, leaving no room for argument.

You found it endearing honestly. This beautiful man who loves to spend his time with you. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t flattered, the temptation to just stay with him everyday was very present. But you’d never get anything done if that was the case. He’s very good at keeping you buried underneath his blankets all day. 

He learnt very quickly ways that he could keep you close. Keep you around for longer. Just one more night, that turned into two more nights, that then turned into him convincing you to just stay for the rest of the week and go back home after the weekend. 

“We didn’t end up finishing that show we started… stay tonight and we’ll finish it.”

Spoiler: you don’t finish it that night either. Which IV made sure of.

“Wait, I wanted to cook that one dish for you… we completely forgot about it. Stay tonight, we can go shopping for the stuff tomorrow and then I’ll make it for dinner for us tomorrow…”

Spoiler: he starts dinner kind of late and oh! Look at the time! You might as well just stay again tonight. 

“Oh you should go home? But it’s Friday… just stay for the weekend and I’ll take you home on Sunday night.”

Spoiler: Sunday night rolls around and guess what…

“You have work in the morning? Well, if you stay tonight I’ll drive you in. You won’t have to wake up as early if I take you…”

Spoiler: guess who opts to pick you up from work that afternoon. And oh look at that… you’re back at his house again that night too. 

He begins to run out of ideas though, he can only “forget” to do so many things with you while you’re staying with him. And the panic sets in when he sees you starting to get your stuff together and he can’t think of anything to get you to stay again. 

He knows he has to deal with it. He can’t force you to stay. He wants you to come back. He wants you to want him to come back to your house, and if giving you time on your own is what you need then he’ll give it to you. 

But when he comes back home to a quiet, empty house… he can’t help the tightness that grows in his chest. He locks up for the night and makes his way to bed. The sheets still a mess, just how the two of you left them earlier that day. And his throat constricts when he crawls back underneath them alone. It’s cold. It’s quiet. It’s dark in there. He grabs the pillow you slept on, hugging it into his chest and curling himself around it. He closes his eyes and pretends it’s you he’s curled around instead. Burying his face into it and breathing in, he can still smell you on it. He huffs and reaches for his phone, already typing out the words ‘I miss you’ before he even double checks who he’s sending it too. And he lays awake all night, long after you’ve said your goodnights, feeling just… off. He feels weird. He’s unsettled and he’s tense and he just can’t rid the pit that’s sat steady in his stomach since he got home. 

It gets worse though.

You notice after a while that he cannot for the life of him keep his hands off you. Constantly holding yours. Constantly holding your hips. Constantly resting on your legs when he pulls them onto his lap. (Which is always, if he’s not already snuggled up behind you on the couch.) You’ve caught him a few times with your hands in his, playing with your fingers, massaging your knuckles, running his fingers over the back of your hand. Or kneading the meat of your thighs between his hands absentmindedly. Not even trying to suggest anything, not trying to get you worked up, but genuinely just content because his hands are on you. 

Do you think you can enter another room on your own? Wrong. You can’t. 

Because IV will follow you through the house, around every room and back again. 

The washing machine is done? You need to go hang out clothes? IV’s hand is in yours and you’re walking to the laundry together.

Oh you’re hungry? Need to start on dinner? IV is snuggled against your back as you get stuff ready the whole time. 

Sitting down to eat dinner together, and you dare sit opposite him? He’s playing footsie with you underneath the table. Which will turn into him grabbing your foot and planting it on his lap so he can keep his hand on your ankle the whole time. 

Is he naturally just a touchy feely person? Yes. Yes he is.

But just the thought alone of having to go days without you around drives him nuts. He can’t do it. He feels sick. He can’t sleep. He can barely eat. He needs your presence to function. 

He ponders the thought of driving to your house, packing all your stuff and moving you into his house more often than he’d be willing to admit. You’re with him enough as it is already. You might as well just stay forever right?

.

.

.

MASSIVE CREDITS TO MY POOKIE @ghostlygothicgay !!!!

He gave me this idea, and then we ran rampant with it in our messages.

if you're an IV whore like me, give him a follow, he's so fun to talk too!!!

[icaruspendragon]

im sorry to ask but i dont know what else to do—how did you do it how did you dig yourself out because it feels like i am choking on dirt and people keep shoveling it onto me and i miss her so much and i dont know how to make this feeling stop. she was my best friend. ive never lived in a world without her before. how did you do it. how are you doing it

grief is so hard and so heavy when we first meet it. it feels like all our arms will ever hold for the rest of forever. and it is, in a sense. once we pick it up, we never really set it down. not fully.

and I don't think it gets lighter, I think we somehow, impossibly, get stronger.

there's lots of metaphors for grief. that's one of them. another one I like to use is that it feels like you're in the grave with them. like lazarus. like yourself. waiting for someone to raise you from the dead. to raise you both.

I've learned a lot about crawling out of the grave. more than I would have ever wanted to learn. like how emptiness is actually quite heavy. or how to pretend like you feel half-alive. but I think the most important thing I've learned is that somedays, we inexplicably end up back in it. and that sucks.

because we just spent months clawing our way through the bugs and the earth. because our soldier-hands have finally breached the surface. because the sun is finally caressing our hell-fresh faces. because for the first time in months we feel like we can finally breath. and then, suddenly, we're right back in the terrible thick of it.

those days make it feel like I'm sisyphus and grave dirt is my rock. or like I'm prometheus and the darkness is my eagle.

but then it's tuesday.

which is to say my brother died on my 25th birthday, a monday. and that day is now a memory that's fuzzy around the edges. single snapshots I know are connected, but I couldn't tell you how. I remember my mother standing in my bedroom and tears and family and phone calls and cleaning my living room because I didn't know what to do with my hands. I remember going to my grandmothers and my phone vibrating off the table and leaving to go get coffee because I couldn't sit still. I remember joking, trying to joke. trying to do whatever I could to make sense of that impossible day. I remember checking my phone and reading and rereading the messages, a mixed bag of congratulations for surviving another year and condolences that my brother didn't, I remember not knowing how to respond to any of them. so I didn't. I remember being surrounded by so many people doing nothing but extending love and kindness to me and never feeling more alone. the world was ending and I was alone. I thought that day would go on forever.

but it didn't.

it ended, as all things do. monday was over and my first day as an only child was done.

and suddenly it was tuesday. and everything was different but also exactly the same.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead. I was so heavy when I woke up that first tuesday. so heavy and confused. I thought the world had ended. it surely felt like it had. but it hadn't. because the world couldn't have ended on monday.

not if it was tuesday.

it was tuesday and my brother was dead but the world wasn't ending. monday should have been our demise, but it wasn't. and it hasn't. and it won't. because just as sure as we have mondays, we'll always have tuesdays.

that's something I've taken a strange comfort in, knowing that we'll always have tuesdays.

the feeling never stops. but I think that's okay. because you're only feeling that way because there was love first. and as much as what I felt on that first tuesday hurts, as much as it suffocates, as much as it consumes, I'd take the hurt and the suffocation and the consumption because the love I felt first will always, always be worth it.

tuesdays will always be worth it.

like yeah, if I loved less, it wouldn't hurt this bad. but I don't want to live in a world where I have to love less. where I was loved less.

I'll take the pain. I'll take the grave days. I'll take the rock. I'll take the eagle. I'll take apocalyptic, earthshaking mondays. I'll take every last wretched bit because goddamn what a miracle it is to love so bad it hurts this big.

I hold that love, his love for me and my love for him, a love that's now become our love in the cage of my ribs while I'm in the cage of the grave. and I dig.

it's monday and I dig.

I dig.

and then tuesday comes.

[lincolndjarin]

constructive criticisms

main masterlist ✧ kinktober masterlist ✦

kinktober : day two - afab!ficauthor!reader x javier peña

prompt : virginity loss [ 18+ mdni ]

word count : 5.1 k

summary : javier peña has been a thorn in your side for months, the last thing you need is for him to find out you write dirty fanfiction

warnings, etc. : language, fluff, smut, protected sex, p in v sex, oral m!recieving, fingering, mutual masturbation, viginity loss (duh), innocence kink sorta, squirting, reader is completely clueless when it comes to sex, javier is a dumb sweetheart in this, plot w a little porn lol

a/n : yippee! this is an idea ive had floating around for a bit and this seemed like a good opportunity to do it! easily the longest of the kinktober stuff lmao which is why i didnt want this to be day one cause i didnt want to set a precedent haha. also i hate this but it's october so like i can't do much about that lmao. AND the edit was rushed bc i gotta get to work so apologies for any errors!!

  “What’s that?” You slam your laptop shut the moment you hear his voice. 

“Nothing.” You hadn’t heard him come into your office yet here he is, looming over your shoulder. 

“Didn’t look like nothing.” You can’t stand the mocking smile on his face. 

“Did you need something?” You do your best to sound patient. 

“I’ve got some suspect photos I need you to identify.” He’s still grinning from ear to ear as you hold your hand out for the file. You flip through the pictures before tossing them onto the pile of paperwork you’ve been trudging through. You’re waiting for him to leave but he just stays in place behind you until you spin around in your chair. 

“Is there something else?” You cross your arms in front of your chest, glowering at him. 

“What were you working on?” For god's sake, drop it. 

“Get out of my office Peña, or I won’t process your suspects.” Thankfully that gets him to leave, sighing as he closes the door behind him. Once you’re sure he’s not coming back you open your laptop again, quickly closing out your tabs. 

The last thing you need is for Javier fucking Peña to read your Star Wars fanfiction. 

He makes your life hell around the office enough as is. He makes fun of how you dress, he only ever asks you to file his paperwork, (despite the dozen others who are just as capable.) and you’re pretty sure he stole your lunch one time. He’s just in general a nuisance. (And it doesn’t help that he’s gorgeous and knows it.)

It’s not like you’re ashamed of your writing, you’ve mentioned it in passing to some of your friends around the office but Javier is different. He gives you enough grief without knowing how badly you wanna fuck Anakin Skywalker, you can’t imagine how much worse thing would get if he found you’re writing. 

So you get back to work, trying to forget the interaction entirely. 

You like to work late on fridays, it makes things easier, you don’t have to come in early on monday and no ones around to bother you while you work. You’re just about done with everything as you gather up all the finished documents, going from empty office to empty office as you leave the respective papers on each person's desk. 

You’re nearly done, you’ve just got Javier’s suspect list to deal with as you step into the bullpen to deliver it you’re surprised to see him still sitting at his desk, everyone else is gone, only his desk lamp and computer monitor light the large room. You approach quietly, wanting to get this done as quickly as possible so you can just go home. You’re about to clear your throat to get his attention when you freeze in place. 

You recognize the website he’s on. 

You’d know that red bar anywhere. 

There’s no fucking way. 

You feel your face getting flushed, a deep shame settling in your stomach as you take another step forward just to be sure.

Archive of Our Own beta

And just below that, the name of your favorite song, but more importantly, the title of your fanfiction. 

You’re so fucked. 

You feel a mess of angry tears starting to pool in your eyes as you hear him groan. 

That somehow hurts worse. 

Not only is he reading it, but he also thinks it’s so bad he’s audibly expressing it. You’re livid, and humiliated, you should spend this weekend looking for a new job because he’s about to become insufferable. Knowing him, everyone will know about it before you even get in on monday.

In your rage you walk forward noisily, tossing his files down onto his desk, turning, planning on glaring at him once before leaving, hoping he doesn’t see how truly upset you are. 

Nothing could have prepared you for what you’re met with. You’re expecting a smirk or maybe even a look of disgust, instead he’s gritting his teeth, his hair sticking to his forehead, a visible sheen of sweat on his face and most prominently, his hand haphazardly shoved down the front of his pants. 

You both realize the predicament you’re caught in at the same time. You stare way too long. Eyes lingering on the exposed skin where his shirt rides up, a trail of hair running down his naval. Neither one of you moves until you finally snap out of it, squeezing your eyes shut and turning on your heel, walking as quickly as possible towards the exit when you hear the squeak of his chair on the floor as he calls out your name. You don’t dare turn around though, not slowing your pace until you’re out of the building and in your car. 

Thankfully he doesn’t pursue you further as you drive home as quickly as possible. Hands tightly gripping the wheel the entire time. You can see your phone blowing up in your bag, the inside dimly lit the entire length of the drive. When you pull into your apartment building’s parking lot. You grab your bag and hurry inside, desperate to just go to bed and forget everything that just happened, ignoring the throbbing between your legs from what you just witnessed. 

You step inside your studio, locking up behind you as you toss your bag onto the bed, shedding your clothes and stepping into the bathroom, praying that a cold shower will clear your head. 

It doesn’t. 

You feel just as hot and frazzled as you did before. Maybe he was just trying to mess with you. If that’s the case then now he’s just sexually harassing you. 

Stupid fucking Peña. 

You pull a tank top over your head and throw on a pair of panties before collapsing on your bed. You don’t want to look but you won’t be able to sleep if you don’t, so you reach into your bag, retrieving your phone. 

Just as suspected you have an endless amount of messages from the man himself. You're about to start scrolling through them all when you read the most recent one. 

[ I’m coming over. ] 

Son of a bitch. 

You quickly scroll through the previous messages. 

[ I’m sorry, are you okay? ]

[ Call me or I’m coming over. ]

[ Please just text me back. ]

[ I really liked your story. ]

[ I’m sorry. ]

There’s about a hundred similar messages but one stands out to you more than anything else. 

He liked your story. 

Why does that make your face burn up?

You start typing, telling him that he doesn’t want to find out what’s gonna happen if he shows up but you’re interrupted by a knock on your door. You trip over yourself as you rush to your dresser, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before peering through the peephole. 

Sure enough, there he stands, he looks exactly like you’d left him, shirt untucked and askew, hair a mess, except now his hand isn’t in his pants. You’re about to reach over and turn your lamp off when he clears his throat. 

“I know you’re in there, your car was out front.” Well, so much for pretending you aren’t home. You hesitantly unlock the door before pulling it open, plastering a scowl on your face. 

“What do you want?” You try to look stern but you know you probably just look nervous. 

“I just wanna talk.”

You’re hesitant but you open the door fully, letting him in as you return to your bed, sitting and pointing at the loveseat in the corner for him. Neither one of you speaks, you watch as his throat bobs, he won’t look at you, staring at his hands instead. 

“How did you get my address?” You finally break the silence. 

“Your file.” He says sheepishly. 

“You can’t do that! That’s an invasion of my privacy!”

“That’s what you wanna be mad about?” Fair enough. 

“Fine, why did you do it?” You don’t like that he’s here, in your tiny apartment, the memory of him splayed out in his chair takes up all the space.

“Which part?” He finally looks up at you, meeting your gaze. 

“Why did you read it?” 

“I was curious.” He looks truly apologetic, it almost makes you want to believe him.

“Really?” Your tone drips with sarcasm. 

“You seemed really defensive, I wanted to see why.” It seems genuine but you know better. 

“You wanted to embarrass me.” You say plainly. 

“Why do you act like I’m out to get you?” His brows furrow and his mouth settles into a frown. 

“Because you are.” You say it matter of factly, you honestly can’t believe he’s acting like he doesn’t know. 

“I don’t understand what I did that makes you hate me so much.” You’re tempted to soften your gaze, but the last thing you need to do if this is all just some trick is appear vulnerable. 

“You can’t be serious.”

“Please, enlighten me.” He throws his hands up in exasperation. 

“You despise me! You torment me every single day!”

“Really? I torment you?” He points an accusatory finger in your direction. 

“You make me do your paperwork every single time, even when there are plenty of other people who are capable of it.” You feel the urge to stand and have this argument, you’re getting heated in several ways now. 

“You do it better than everyone else.” He shrugs like it’s a valid excuse. 

“Bullshit.” You snark as he puts his head in his hands.

“And I like the excuse to see you.” He mumbles before looking back up at him.

“You make fun of how I dress.” You’re quick to change the subject, not wanting to fall victim to his charms. 

“I do not.” His voice pitches up defensively. 

“You said I dress like your grandma.”

“That was a compliment.” He can’t be serious.

“How the fuck is that a compliment?”

“I love my grandma very much.” He sounds serious. 

“You’re a nightmare.” You fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, your head swimming with confusion. 

“Have you ever considered that I just wanted to be around you? You assume that I just liked to bother you but maybe I just like being near you.” He stands as you sit up, a look of honest upset on his face. 

“You expect me to believe that you did those things because you like me? Are we in middle school, Peña? You could have just asked me out instead of pulling my pigtails on the playground.” You stand, not liking the power imbalance of having him towering over you where you sit. 

“I did, you said no.” He crosses his arms and you scoff. 

“You did not, you can’t just make things up to get out of this conversation.” You poke a finger into his chest but he just brushes it away. 

“I asked you out to lunch two weeks ago and you said no.”

“I think I would remember that if it happened.” His anger fizzles out a bit as he looks you up and down. 

“I may or may not have thrown your lunch out that day so you’d be more likely to accept.” He gives you a sheepish look. “But you were so mad you brushed it off.”

“That was a serious offer? I thought you were messing with me.” He just stares at you, wide puppy dog eyes you have to turn away from lest you fall for this act. You don’t get a moment's rest though because as you stare at the floor a particularly harrowing thought crosses your mind. 

“How much did you read?” You turn back to him quickly. 

“Enough.” When you turn back to him he’s staring at his hands again. 

You both know what that means. 

“It seemed a little familiar.” He says softly. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You want him out, now.

“Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about.” You’re going to look at job listings once he goes home. 

“I think you should leave.” You clear your throat, nodding towards the door. 

“I’m not leaving until we talk about it.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You sit back down on your bed, your legs feeling unsteady. 

“Well I do.” He takes a few steps in your direction and you immediately regret sitting. 

“I don’t care what you want, get out of my apartment, now.” You head is tilted up completely as you glare at him.

“Do you really not realize exactly what is happening here?” You can feel his breath on your face, cigarettes and spearmint. You turn your head to the side, refusing to look at him. 

This is exactly what happens in your story. 

“You’re an idiot.” You whisper, willing yourself not to get any more upset than you already are. 

“You wrote your story about us.” He says each word sharply as you grit your teeth. 

“I did not.” Now who’s just making things up to get out of a conversation?

“Everything that I did to you, he does to her.”

You don’t have a response to that. What are you supposed to say? He’s right, straight down to the confrontation where he tells her he wants her and she tells him that can’t be possible. He hates her. 

He kneels in front of the bed, moving to be in your eye line and when you go to turn your head he grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him. 

“I really did like your story.” You shove his hand away as he says it.

“Don’t mock me.” 

“Jesus, what do I have to do to make you realize I don’t have an ounce of contempt for you?” He stands, throwing his hands up in defeat.

You finally snap. 

“Maybe stop taking my shit and stop giving me extra work and stop invading my privacy and just fucking talk to me like an adult, you arrogant, immature, son of a-“ He grabs your face in both of his hands as he leans down and crashes his lips against yours, you let out a surprised squeak as he cups your jaw. After a moment he pulls back and you’re left staring at him dumbfounded. 

“Now, can we please talk about it?” He mumbles before pulling you in again for a single chaste kiss. 

“Okay.” You feel a little breathless at the abruptness of his actions. 

“I really liked it.” He smiles now, the energy in the room changing drastically. 

“You keep saying that.” You whisper.

“It’s true.”

“Wanna give me some constructive criticism?” You laugh but you can see his eyes flicker to the ceiling quickly and suddenly you want to press further. 

“You know you quoted me word for word a couple of times.” 

“You’re avoiding the question.” You laugh again but now you’re genuinely curious. 

“I guess I thought the sex scenes were the tiniest bit unrealistic.”

“Unrealistic?” You feign offense. 

“Well yeah I mean, it’s written like you’ve never had sex. They go at it all night and he never needs any breaks? And doesn’t she have like twenty orgasms? I’m pretty sure she’d be in terrible pain at that point.” He laughs softly but when you furrow your brows he stops. “I assumed because it’s fantasy that that’s intentional though.” He adds on quickly at the end. 

Your embarrassment is clear on your face as his own expression goes to one of poorly concealed surprise. 

“You’ve never-” He whispers, clearly shocked. 

“I’ve never.” You finish his sentence, not wanting to hear it out loud. 

“I mean, that’s fine.” His ears are burning red. 

“I know it’s fine.” You mumble. “I’ve had opportunities to, I just… I don’t know, I guess I made it too big of a deal in my mind and now I just don’t care but I’ve waited this long and-”

“Cariña, it’s fine.” He interrupts you now, that soft smile on his face never wavering. 

“Do you think my writing would be better if I had more experience?” You say it like it’s a joke but he sees right through you.  

“I’m not sure, how much experience do you have just in general?” He stands, moving to sit beside you on the bed. 

“Well I’ve kissed people before.”

“That’s it?” You glare at him and he coughs nervously. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.”

“I’ve been busy with work, it's just, it’s never been a priority of mine.”

“You do know… how to do it? Right?” You smack him on the arm. 

“Of course I know how to do it, you read my stuff.”

“That’s why I’m asking.”

“Oh come on, you said it was good!” 

“It is good! Everything but the dirty stuff is really good!” You groan, putting your head in your hands, he sits quietly beside you for a bit, rubbing your back. 

“Do you want me to teach you?” He says lightheartedly. 

“Seriously?” You glare at him. 

“It’s the least I can do for unintentionally making your work life hell.” He’s starting to sound more genuine in his over, it sends a chill down your spine. 

“So what? We just… do it?” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like the idea of losing it to someone who knows what he’s doing. 

“No we don’t ‘just do it.’ we do other stuff first.” He sounds amused but you’re glad he doesn’t outright laugh at you. 

“Can you just- can you just tell me what to do?” You rest your head on his shoulder briefly and he runs his fingers through your hair. 

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes please.” You mumble, feeling a strange mix of aroused and nervous. 

“Well, in one of the later chapters she blows him, right?” You nod slowly. “And you say it’s her first time doing it, she probably shouldn’t have been able to just take all of him in her mouth right off the get go, especially since he’s apparently nine inches? Which is a whole separate issue by the way.” You can feel your face getting hot all over again as he explains everything like it’s obvious. “If you want to start there we can do that.” He murmurs, trying to meet your gaze but you just keep trying to look anywhere else. 

“How big is it supposed to be normally?” You chew on your lip, hoping you don’t sound stupid, you couldn’t be more thankful when he once again doesn’t laugh. 

“It depends, but nine inches is a bit outlandish. Have you ever actually looked at that on a ruler? It’s way bigger than you think.” He holds out the estimated size with his hands and you have to stifle a giggle. 

“Fair enough.” You lean against him one last time before sliding off the bed, kneeling in front of him. “So she’s like this.” You watch his throat bob as he swallows harshly, everything is starting to quickly become real as he nods. You reach your hands towards the noticeably larger bulge in his strict jeans, stopping just before you touch him. “Can I?” 

“Yeah, of course.” With his approval you gingerly unzip the restrictive fabric, watching his half hard dick spring free. He’s certainly not nine inches but he’s still intimidating. You don’t have a frame of reference but you have to assume he’s on the bigger side of things. 

“You don’t wear underwear?” You scoff, trying to lighten the mood despite the combined anxiety and arousal pulsing through you right now.

“Not usually.” He murmurs, notably softer than before. 

“What do I do first?” 

“If you want, you can start by touching it, just do what feels right.” He reaches down to hold your face for a moment until you’re able to calm down a bit. You reach forward at a snail's pace until finally wrapping a hand around the base, jumping a bit as you feel him twitch against your palm. You slowly stroke him, just once before looking up at him, a reassuring smile on his face as you stroke him a few more times, feeling him swell until he stands fully erect. Almost absentmindedly your other hand drifts between your legs, you experimentally grind against your own hand as you continue to leisurely jerk him off, watching how he grips the sheets when you run your thumb over his drooling tip. 

“What do I do next?” You look up at him. 

“Spit on it, hermosa.” His voice is raspy and you sit up on your knees, a line of spit falling from your mouth onto the head of his cock, drawing a hiss past his teeth. It’s easier to stroke him when it’s wet, you experiment with different speeds, watching his reactions until in a moment of bravery you tentatively guide him into your mouth. You can’t help but feel pleased when his hand instinctively flies to your hair, not moving you in any direction, just holding you. You swirl your tongue around the tip, tasting the bitter pre-cum as you open your jaw a bit wider, letting him slide over your tongue. As you take him deeper you feel him against your throat and you quickly gag, coughing a bit as he gently pulls you off. “Go slow, don’t take more than you’re able to.” You cough again, catching your breath before taking him in your mouth again, slower this time. “Use your hands on the rest.” He murmurs, the low tone shoots through you and you quickly go back to touching yourself with one hand while using the other to stroke the half of his length that you can’t fit in your mouth. 

After a few minutes you begin to moan against him as you try to reach your own peak, your hand now haphazardly shoved down the front of your pants. He’s leaning back, his pupils pitch black as he watches you, his breathing unsteady. 

“You think you’re ready for more?” He says sweetly, caressing your hair. You pop off of him, watching a line of spit going from the head of his cock to your lips. 

“Sure.” You feel less nervous than you thought you’d be as you stand up, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. You feel all fuzzy and slick between your legs, your pussy aches with need as he takes your hand, pulling you onto the bed with him. You sit up against the headboard as he strips completely, discarding his shirt and shoving his pants all the way down. 

You can’t help but take in the sight of him as he turns back to you. 

His warm sun kissed skin, the wide expanse of his shoulders a sharp ratio to his slim waist. He’s toned but he’s soft around the edges and his cock stands proud against the thatch of hair on his lower abdomen. You tilt your head the way it curves, admiring it until he laughs. 

“I want you to do something for me that wasn’t in the story.” He climbs back into bed with you, playing with the waistband of your sweats. 

“Sure, what is it?” You lift your hips, letting him pull them down, tossing them off the bed. 

“I want you to show me how you touch yourself.” You stare at him, a little shocked by the request, your eyes going wide. 

“Why?” 

“I want to see, I want you to show me what feels good.” You want to feel more self conscious but he’s completely naked and something about the fact that you’re still a little covered up helps you relax, with a soft sigh you gingerly slip your hand down the front of your panties. You go off of muscle memory, recalling what you would do if he wasn’t here. 

Tracing your fingers in delicate circles around your clit, watching as he begins to touch himself, almost matching your pace. This would have been a fantasy of yours that you’d resort to when nothing else worked. Javier Peña in your bed, revealing some sort of secret attraction to you, you just never thought it would ever come to fruition. 

But here he is.

Ravaging you with his eyes as you dip two fingers into yourself with a shuddering breath, his own movements stuttering a bit as you do so. With everything leading up to this it isn’t hard to feel the familiar heat building as you expertly push yourself towards it. After a few moments more you shove your panties down completely, wanting to be unencumbered as you discard them. Without them restricting you, you can easily feel that hot tightening sensation approaching rapidly. Your breathing gets heavy as you grind your fingers against your palm, you feel the familiar fiery sensation in the bottom of your stomach as you start haphazardly fucking your own hand, you keep your eyes on the way he fucks his own until you’re just about to burst and he takes hold of your wrist, stopping you.

“Please I-” You let out a frustrated whine but he shushes you with a quick peck.

“I know, can I do it?” You nod frantically, you’d like nothing more. He gently pushes two fingers into you, you gasp in surprise at the sudden stretch as he slides them in and out slowly, continuing to jerk himself off with his other hand as he watches how you eagerly suck him in. 

It doesn’t take much from there. 

His thumb mirrors the motions you did against your clit and that’s all he has to do to push you over the edge. Your cunt spasming around his fingers as he works you through your orgasm, hot white burns the edges of your vision and you keep your eyes open long enough to watch as he squeezes the base of his own cock, groaning as he makes his own attempts not to finish. You're vaguely aware of him murmuring something that sounds like praise in Spanish as you get your bearings, he slowly removes his fingers, leaning forward on his knees to kiss you. You catch your breath through the kiss until finally he pulls back.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” His breathing heavy as he nudges his forehead against yours. 

“Is it gonna hurt?” You’re more curious than nervous at this point. 

“It shouldn’t, and if it does I’ll stop, okay?” He hops off the bed for a moment, searching through his wallet before tossing you a condom. 

“Okay.”

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” You carefully tear open the condom wrapper, handing him the rubber ring with a nod, watching how he aptly rolls it onto his cock. 

“Probably wouldn’t have come this far if I didn’t.” You slide down the bed a bit so you’re mostly laying on your pillows as he positions himself on top of you. He still seems worried about you so you reach forward, taking his cock in your hand and guiding him between your legs. 

You can’t help but sharply inhale as he eases just the tip into you, your eyes flutter shut and your mouth opens slightly as you sigh.  

God, you wish you’d done this sooner. 

It doesn’t hurt. You expected a stinging, or a tearing, instead it’s just pressure. When you open your eyes you find his squeezed shut now as he slowly works himself into you, rocking slowly back and forth. He keeps your foreheads pressed together, occasionally, bumping his nose against yours. 

“Still good?” He whispers, a noticeable strain to his voice. You nod, watching curiously as he pushes his hips forward in one last motion to fully seat himself in your heat. His jaw is tense and he’s breathing through his teeth. “So fucking tight.” He mumbles before leaning forward, groaning into your mouth. 

“Does it hurt?” You ask when he pulls himself away with a soft smile. 

“No, it just makes me worried about hurting you.”

“I’m okay, I want you to move.” You look down to where the two of you are joined. Watching how he gently pulls himself from you just a bit before pushing back in. That’s when he bumps against that spot inside of you that suddenly has you seeing stars, your hands grip his shoulders as a moan slips out of you, the grin you’ve seen a hundred times before forms on his face, you’d once hated it but now it has you gushing around him. 

“Does that feel good?” He tilts his head to the side, nudging his nose against your temple as you nod fervently. He repeats the motion, pulling out about halfway before snapping his hips forward again, your back arching when he slams into the sweet spot inside of you. 

“Fuck- Peña, right there.” You whine, your nails leaving little crescent indents in the tan flesh of his shoulders. He gets into a steady rhythm with it, crashing into you with precise deliberate strokes, designed to make your head spin. He grits his teeth once more, his breath going ragged.

“Javier.” He pants, gripping your waist to hold you still. For a brief moment you almost see vulnerability in his eyes. 

“Just like that, Javier.” You stammer out as he bends one of your legs up, pressing you into the mattress further as he throws your ankle over his shoulder, the new angle letting him fuck far deeper into you than you even thought possible. The soft and slow Javier starts to dissipate as he bares his teeth, his breath hot and heavy through his tense jaw as he slams into you. The second orgasm building in your stomach isn’t like anything you’ve ever felt before, it’s molten inside of you, threatening to burst as he brings a hand to your clit.

“Shit- tell me when you’re close.” He growls, your vision’s already blurring again as an unfamiliar pressure settles within you. 

“I- I am.” You pant out, he accentuates each thrust with a grunt and you feel yourself slip as he applies the slightest pressure to your sensitive bundle of nerves. You’re positive you’ve never come like this before, you soak his cock, a flood of your release pulses out of you as you strangle his cock. He collapses into you, your orgasm sending him over his own edge. You feel him throbbing within you as he groans into the pillow next to you. The two of you lay in a sweaty, breathless heap for a moment until he pulls out of you with a hiss, rolling over, his chest heaving as he lays beside you. 

“Now do you believe that I don’t hate you?” He gasps out. 

“I might need a little more convincing.” You grin, reaching behind you to turn your lamp off before rolling yourself over so you're on top of him.

a/n : I have a very serious love hate relationship w this.

[ohtobeleah]

Was It Over? // Jake Seresin

-> Chapter Eight: [Oh, Honeybee]

Summary: Jake can’t accept why you’d keep such a life-threatening situation a secret and you can’t accept why he suddenly seems to care.

Warnings: Sick!reader. Breast cancer diagnosis. Jake Seresin x F!reader. Angst, hospital & medical inaccuracies. SLOW BURN ROMANCE/ Inaccurate medical information. Relationship turmoil.

Word Count: 4K

Author Note: Smaller chapter, but still the same level of pain. Let me know what y’all think about the confrontation of it all.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“The fuck?” Bradley Bradshaw hated the festive season. He wasn't a Christmas guy. He didn't have an awful lot of family to celebrate with over the consumerist holiday that was shoved down your throat before mid November. He just wasn't the kinda guy who wanted to get involved in the festivities. 

“Who's calling you at ten at night?” Natasha Trace would probably end up regretting her decision to sleep with her co-worker and friend, but the drunken antics she and Rooster had gotten up to earlier in the afternoon ended up with a trip back to his house. 

“Its Hangman–” Bradley answered the naked woman beside him as he sat up in the bed he truly never should have brought her back to. He knew Phoenix would end up regretting her decision to sleep with him. A pity fuck they’d both end up calling it. “Hello?” 

“Are you busy?” Jake asked as he continued to watch you sleep. It had been a few hours since he got to the hospital and about two since he told your mother to go home for some much deserved rest. 

Bradley looked over his shoulder to see Phoenix rolling over, her chest laid flat against the mattress that smelled so much of Bradley. He sighed, peeled the covers up from over his legs and swung them over the side. 

“Nah, what’s up? Everything good?” The pair hadn’t always been on good terms, but ever since Jake had ultimately risked his own life to save Roosters, the two had been able to put their differences aside and let bygones be bygones. 

“I don’t think I’m coming back after Christmas.” Jake started as he let his head lean against the far too uncomfortable hospital chair he’d been sitting in for the better half of four hours. “Somethings’ happened and I dunno what I’m gonna do man.” It was the tone Jake was using that made Bradley frown as he slipped into his sweats. 

“Something happen to one of the kids, man?” Rooster has never heard Jake sound so defeated before. But as he padded down the hall Rooster had to stop in his tracks as Jake explained your current situation. He read the notes right from your chart, from the type of cancer to the stroke you had, how he tried to tuck your hair behind your ear and it fell from your scalp. How he’d tried to win you back, how you’d slept together, how you told him you still loved him yet thought divorce was the best way to go about things. Jake emptied his heart on Bradley sleeve and Bradley didn’t know how to process the pain and anguish Jake was obviously feeling. 

“Are you at the hospital right now? With Y/n?” 

“Yeah—yeah I just sent Maz, Y/n’s mum home to rest and shit.” Jake ran his hand across his face as he watched the IV bag containing your sedative get smaller and smaller. He wasn’t sure how you were going to react when you woke up and saw he was here. “I’ll probably go between here and her house, the kids are at mum's place and I can’t imagine what they’re thinking knowing that we’re both not there.” 

“I could uh—“ Bradley Bradshaw wasn’t a Christmas guy, but he was a family first person. “I could fly out? Maybe get the kids from your mum's house and get them back to Rhode Island? I’m not doing anything this Christmas so I’ve got time.” 

“Bradshaw,” Jake nearly sobbed. “I couldn’t ask you to do that for me.”

“It’s nothing, really, you’re one guy man, stay with your wife, or ex wife? I don’t really wanna get into your business but just text me the details when you can and I’ll organise your kids.” 

“I’ll text you my sister's number.” Jake replied. “She’ll help you out.” There was no real reason to argue, Jake knew that once Rooster had his mind set on something he was gonna do it. 

“No worries, I’m uh—I don’t even know what to say man, I’m so sorry, no one deserves to go through this.” It hit Rooster too close to home, his mother died when he was seventeen from Breast Cancer very similar to yours. It took her quicker than doctors had ever anticipated. 

He just hopes you wouldn’t meet the same untimely fate. 

“Anything man, anything you need, I'm there.” 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Time seemed more like an artificial construct as Jake watched Lydia disconnect the line that had been slowly feeding your body with a moderate range sedative. The young nurse looked guilty as she tried to avoid eye contact with the man she had accidentally told private patient information to. 

“She’ll slowly start to wake up over the next hour now that she isn’t slowly taking on the sedative.” Lydia explained. “She might be quite irritable and loopy but I’ll have her surgeon come by for assessment once she’s up.”

“When I was about your age I accidentally hit one of my commanding officers' car while pulling out of the car park at the Naval Base I was stationed at.” Jake mentioned as he let himself curl up in the world's most uncomfortable chair. “Point is we all

make mistakes, don’t beat yourself up about it, but I’d definitely be a little more cautious when reading patients emergency contacts.” 

“You’re wife’s a pretty strong woman Mr. Seresin.” Lydia smiled. “I hope that despite whatever reason she was keeping all this from you, that she’s happy you’re by her side when she wakes up.” Jake chuckled as he slightly readjusted himself and pulled his hood over his head. There were a plethora of ways you could react to his presence running through his mind, he hoped though, that the young nurse who’d accidentally filled him in on your current fight was right. 

“I hope so too kid, I hope so too.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

The slow steady rhythm of the many monitors currently tracking your vitals were the first sounds you heard as you slowly but surely woke from what you could only describe as one of the deepest states of complete and utter rest you’d ever experienced. 

Next it was the multi coloured Christmas lights that were hanging around your room. The reds, greens, yellows and blues that reminded you of nineties joy were the first things you noticed in the dimly lit hospital room you knew you were in. 

The third thing you noticed wasn’t a sound or an object, but it was the all too familiar sleeping man curled up in the most awkward position imaginable next to your bedside. Jake, your Jake. Sleeping with his mouth open wide and his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Woah—“ You groggily cooed as you felt the presence of another man checking your vitals beside you. “Whatever the hell kinda drugs you’ve got me on right now Doc has me seeing my ex husband.” You smiled ear to ear as you kept looking at Jake, sleeping, a little bit of drool even tainted his chin as his arms remained crossed and his hood covered his head. “This shits strong as.”

Doctor Ignatii continued reading and recording your vitals the more you came to, he knew, judging by the time you’d finished your dose of intravenous sedative and how cognitive you were, you’d come to realise in about two, maybe three minutes indefinitely that it wasn’t the drugs making you see the mirage of a man at your bedside, but in fact the real deal. 

“Mrs Seresin, can you follow the light for me?” Doctor Ignatii asked with a smile as he clicked on the small but effective flashlight at the end of his pen. He was gentle with the way he handled your head ever so cautiously, holding your eyelids open one by one as you followed the light accordingly. “Can you count to five?” 

“One, two, three, four, five—“ You mumbled out. Jake heard your voice as he stirred next to you and shot up with a gasp that startled you. He looked like a deer caught in headlights as he sat upright and wiped the dry drool from his chin. 

“Welcome back to the land of the living Mr Seresin, I've seen a lot of ways people have tried to sleep in those horrid chairs but I’ve never seen that particular position before.” Doctor Ignatii chuckled to himself as he clicked his pen light off and placed it back in his top pocket. “Alright Y/n, wiggle your toes and touch your nose for me.” All you did was stare at your husband. Why was he here? Who told him? “Mrs Seresin, wiggle your toes for me please.” Doctor Ignatii was a little firmer in his request, he wasn't sure if you were just distracted or if you simply couldn't comply with his request because you couldn't feel your toes.  

But when you finally did wiggle your toes, when you finally brought your index finger up to your nose and when you finally spoke, Doctor Ignatii knew that in the next hour or so when he got you up and walking, that you were going to be just fine.  

“What are you doing here?” Your voice was rather horse from the sedative but you were able to ask Jake that all too powerful question that sliced his skin clean open like one of the sharpest knives never could. Doctor Ignatii knew that he had to give you some space when he was finished assessing your ability to wiggle your toes he cleared his throat. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I'll give you two a moment alone, but Lydia will be in shortly.” He explained before making his way out of your hospital room. The silence was deafening as Jake cleared his throat and looked anywhere but in your eyes to begin with. 

“Jake–” You immediately asked again as you tried to sit up a little straighter. “What are you doing here?” Jake ignored your initial question and instead pressed his tongue into the middle of his cheek. His blood was boiling, he was so full of rage that you hadn’t told him you were sick that he couldn't think straight now that he knew you were awake and talking. You were supposed to be the mother of his children if at the very least. He felt like you had an obligation to disclose medical diagnoses that could alter the course of your children's lives. Right? 

“You have cancer and you didn't tell me?” Jake frowned as he spoke through a tired growl. “You have cancer and you didn’t think to mention it at all, not even a downplayed version of the truth? You just–” Jakes reaction wasn't something that surprised you, but his anger did. That anger was something you hadn’t seen in a long time, anger born from love and compassion. An anger so pure it rivalled empathy itself just in a different font. “You just negated the entire thing? Jesus Christ Y/n! You have–” 

“Stage three A, triple positive grade three invasive doctoral carcinoma.” You interrupted Jake as tears welled in your eyes. “I know, I found out back in November, I hadn’t been feeling all that well since around March.” You kicked yourself everyday for not getting yourself to a doctor sooner, but with your separation, work, the kids, you just decided to self diagnose yourself as an overworked mum who had little to no time for herself. Finding the time to see a doctor was nearly impossible, it was only when you found that lump in the shower you panicked. “Jake I–” 

“You–” Jake clenched his jaw as tight as he could, you swore he could have chipped his bottom teeth he was clenching that hard trying to control his frustration. “You don’t get to fucking do this to me do you understand?” 

“Excuse me?” You questioned as Jake stood up from the chair he’d been cramped in for the better half of the last twelve hours. “I didn’t choose to do this willingly Jake are you fucking kidding me?” It may have come out more aggressive than Jake had intended it to, but his heart hurt so much he swore he was having a heart attack the more he looked at you in the hospital bed connected to machines and wires that told him what your heart was doing and what your blood pressure was. “I didn't choose to get fucking cancer!” 

“No, no you didn’t Y/n but you chose not to tell me about it.” Jake sighed. “Am I really that bad of a person that you can't tell the father of your fuckings kids that you might be dying? Stage three!? I'd understand if you had a scare and didn’t mention it or a bad rash but stage three?” Jake spat as he walked around your hospital room like he was looking for a way out of this whole mess. “That’s closer to a death sentence than it is to a malignant mass!” 

All you could do was listen, you couldn't run this time. You had to face the man who broke your heart more ways than one as he raised his voice and walked around your hospital room with his hands on his hips. 

“You, you had a stroke too.” Jake's voice softened as did his eyes, the realisation had hit as the immediate love filled anger that clouded his judgement faded. The misguided anger that he might truly be losing the love of his life had begun to wash away as the sadness crept in. 

“Yeah–” You didn't hold it against Jake, you'd had more time to process this than he did. “Apparently the chemotherapy was just causing havoc to my nervous system and caused a clot that travelled from my leg to my brain.” You said it with a shrug, like it was no big deal. Jake's eyes widened at the idea of something that was meant to help you had done so much damage. “I was given a pamphlet, strokes were a side effect, but I just didn’t think it would happen to me you know.” 

“Honeybee–” Jake cooed as he came back over to your bedside. “I–” There was a distinct tentative pause in the way his hand automatically went to slip into yous, but even though Jake second guessed his own judgement there for a split second, he still placed his hand in yours and reveled in the way you squeezed him back. “I can't understand why you wouldn't tell me about this.” Jake had tried to understand, truly he did. He thought about it alot on the plane–all the ways in which he’d ever let you down. He understood he was a shitty husband, or had been, but this was life or death. 

Jake almost wished he never asked why and had instead just silently accepted the fact you decided not to loop him in on what was probably your biggest health complication since Samuel was born. He almost wished he hadn’t asked because the way you looked right into his eyes as your bottom lip quivered and your eyes watered with such a heartbreaking cry of anguish that ripped through your chest, Jake wished he hadnt fucking asked. 

“I didn't tell you because I just didn't think you’d care.” You cried violently as Jake helped you sit up. “I didnt–I just didnt think youd, you'd care about me.” Your cries were muffled into Jake's shoulder as he held you, he wanted to climb right into the hospital bed with you, but he couldn't. So Jake compromised and leaned over just enough to wrap you in his arms and rub small circles into your back as you buried your face in his chest and shoulder. “I didn't think you’d fucking care–because you haven’t cared about me in years!”

“I have never stopped caring about you.” Jake cried too, he couldn't hold it in any longer. “I have never and I will never stop caring about you Honey.” It was a hard statement to believe especially with what the past four years had been. “I promised you in sickness and in health, I'm here, I've got you.” Jake cooed as he tried to soothe you, your cries of pure anguish for your own situation made him want to die. What more could he possibly do to ease this burden from you, what could he possibly do to take the pain away. “I'm here, I'm right here.” 

“You don’t have to pretend.” You tried to calm yourself down as much as you could. “Please Jake you don’t have to pretend to care about me anymore, I’m not yours.” 

“No you’re not—“ Jake nodded in agreement as he pulled away to wipe your tears, you looked like hell but he wasn’t about to tell you that. To Jake you were still the most beautiful woman in the entire world, the only woman he ever needed, wanted. “But I’m still yours alright, you have me and I’m not pretending.” Jake wiped the pads of his thumbs across your cheeks, he tried not to tug at the oxygen tube feeding into your nose. “I’ve got you yeah? You don’t have to do this alone.” 

“I never wanted to do any of it alone.” You sobbed again, it was all too much. Jake knew what you meant by all, you never expected your marriage to fall apart. Neither did he. “I can’t do any of this, I’m so fucking scared.” If someone had asked Jake three years ago if his marriage would fall apart around him, he would have stood up and punched whoever had said such blasphemy in the mouth. But here he was. 

“You’re okay.” Jake tried his best to console you, he did know what else he could do in the moment beside to hold you. The kiss he left atop your forehead was so pure and full of love you swore it sent an electric shock through your body, the same kind of electricity you felt when you slept with Jake the night before you said goodbye to your kids. “I'm not leaving your side alright, “I’m here, I've got you, I can't lose you this way– I wont.” 

Jake knew this love was a burden that you both shared. The both of you were just two sinners who can't atone from a lone prayer. Two souls tied, intertwined by pride and guilt. 

***~***~***~***~***~***~***

Jake was true to his word, he didn't leave your side for the rest of the day. He stayed right by your side hand in hand, just sitting there, talking, not talking, sleeping. All that mattered was that he was there. 

“What do you mean Bradley Bradshaw offered to get the kids from your mum's house?” You thought for a split second that perhaps you hadnt woken up. Or maybe you'd actually woken up in some parallel universe where your husband never forgot how to love you and he didn't have a disdain for the man who gave him his Call Sign out of rage. “Bradley Bradshaw? As in Rooster?” 

Jake couldn't help but to smile, there was so much he had to fill you in on, the two of you hadnt really sat down and spoken uninterrupted without the kids since January. Sure there were family functions and times where you and Jake had to coexist and coparents. But he never really saw a reason to tell you all about his time in North Island. You were with him when he was called to Togun the first time, there wasn't any need to really rub your nose in the fact he was called back again. After all, a part of the reason you left was because Jake prioritised his work life over his home life, more specifically, you. 

“Would you believe me if I told you I saved his life?” Jake couldn't erase the grin that grew ear to ear from his face as he watched your eyes light up with shock and excitement. He missed this, the gentle moments. 

“You did not–” In all the time you had known Jake while he was a loyalist to the United States Navy, he had never once put a toe out of line. Never pushed back, never rocked the boat. He had a goal and that goal was to reach the top. You couldn't do that while drawing unwanted attention to yourself. 

“I did,” He chuckled through that very grin that you swore was permanently pinned to his cheeks. “Even went against orders to do it.” The look of pure shock on your face told Jake all he needed to know, you didn't believe what he was telling you. 

“Who are you and what have you done with Jake Seresin?” You chuckled softly as Jake ran his thumb across your hand. “You? Going against the brace? Unheard of.” A lot of what made Jake, well, Jake–was that he loved his job. 

“Trust me Honey I never thought I'd see the damn day either.” Jake sighed, he still couldn't believe how much his time in North Island had changed him. How it broadened his perspective on all the things that made him simply him. “But he was stuck in a pretty tight spot, so was Mav, our Captain.” 

“Well–” You smiled as you readjusted yourself in your bed. Unbeknownst to both you and Jake, Lydia was watching just out of frame from her spot at the nurses station. She couldn't help but to notice the loving, all encompassing look the two of you shared. Perhaps her small mistake that usually would have been a carrier ending HIPAA violation wasn't so bad after all. “Look at The Hangman go huh, who says he's always leaving people out to dry.” 

“Oh I could still name a few–” It was organic the way you and Jake fell into a rhythm with one another when the pair of you allowed each other to do so. “But yeah, he's gonna fly in, get the kids for us because I really don't want them there for too long without at least one of us there and bring them back to your mums for us.” 

“Is she alright with that?” As always Jake knew you would think about everyone but yourself when the only person you should have been thinking about right now was you. “What if she–” Jake cut you off with a simple shake of his head.  

“I already organised it.” Jake explained softly, his thumb never stopped stroking your hand as he held it. “Your mums gonna take the kids while we figure all this out, I don't want them with mine.” It wasn't that Jake didn't love his Ma, he did. But the idea of her having the kids for an extended amount of time gave him stomach issues he couldn't handle. “I saved his life, I trust him to escort our three terrors back here.” 

“Have you met our kids? You asked with an all knowing look that Jake caught right away. Maybe Rooster wasn't the best person to call on, he had zero experience with kids, let alone Jake's twins and two year old. 

Jake knew that you knew there was a darkness in the distance, but in the moment while everything felt normal, you both laughed together knowing exactly how the flight with your kids would go for Bradley Bradshaw. 

“You’re totally right–” Jake cooed. “He might need to bring his flight helmet as a safety precaution.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @blindedbythelightt @starset21 @tayl0rhuynh @mamachasesmayhem @marvelogic @itsmytimetoodream @maverick-wingman @kodzukenmaaa @eternalsams @seitmai @nota-professional @jessicab1991 @hardballoonlove @senawashere @lafrone @fanficfandomlove @withahappyrefrain @dizzybee03 @maisie-rebloging-blog @goldenseresinretriever @a-reader-and-a-writer @sunlightmurdock @shelbycillian @memoriesat30 @accioprocrastination @the-aspiring-fanfic-writer @athenabarnes @eternallyvenus @emma8895eb

[vanillanaps]

As I Lay Dying | Bucky Barnes

Request - if i gave you the prompt “death of a relationship” with mr bucket barnes, could you help give me the best angst ever?

A/n - This is the first fic ive been able to write in over a year. There was a lot of writing and deleting but I think I finally got it right 😭 Anon, I hope this was every thing you asked for.

Category - Bucky Barnes x Reader, angst

Warnings - Infidelity, broken hearts, authors first fic in a year, no hard feelings if it’s shitty, not proof read as always.

Word Count - 1.5k

♡♡♡♡

When you fall in love, the world you once knew changes in a heartbeat. You find this special someone whom you seem to never stop thinking about. This special someone who can make you smile, even in your saddest moments. This someone who you suddenly want to share every single small detail in your life with. This someone who you fall so madly in love with that you can’t even remember life before them, nor do you want to imagine the rest of your life without them. Love is supposed to be full of happiness, laughs, kisses, hugs, and passionate sex. Love is supposed to make you feel like you’ve been doped up on drugs for the last three years. Love is supposed to make you feel whole, not…empty.

And yet, there you were. You hadn’t moved a single muscle since those words came flowing out the love of your life’s mouth. It almost seemed silly. You questioned yourself, wondering how you didn't see it coming. Had you been so blindly in love that you hadn't noticed your boyfriend slowly slipping through the cracks of your fingers, into the hands of another woman.

Your eyes never left him. Even in a moment like this, those stunning blue eyes still had that soft and innocent charm behind them, even though that was everything he was not. They were low and soft, almost as if they were filled with true remorse, but if they were, he wouldn’t be here, leaving you for another woman. He’d be down on his knees, begging you for your forgiveness.

“Y/n,” Bucky called, a softness in his voice as if he was trying not to startle you, “Please, I just need you to say something–anything.”

“When did it start?” You asked, voice completely shot from the lump that had formed in your throat and refused to leave as your tears ran in a continuous stream down your face, “I just don’t understand Bucky, I mean, we were happy, right? We were in love, we were good!”

Bucky cleared his throat as he crossed his fingers together and lowered his head, “It started a few months ago, at Tony’s new years party.”

Your heart dropped, further than it did before, “But–but,” you took a beat, trying to piece the puzzle together. Confusion, sadness, anger, all mixed into one on your face, “......You proposed to me that night..”

He took a deep breath as his leg bounced anxiously up and down, “Y/n, i’ve never told you the truth about Nat and I.”

If it would have been possible, by now, your heart would’ve been sitting in your lap, “What?”

♡♡♡♡

Four months ago; One hour til New Year’s

The atmosphere was loud and heavy. It was Tony Stark’s annual New Year’s party and it had never failed to thrive, if anything each year the crowd grew. But Bucky didn’t mind. Not when he’s had you on his arm for the last three parties to make them more tolerable.

Currently, Bucky sat at the bar, nursing his glass of bourbon as he watched you mingle. A small smile on his face as he took in your beauty, wondering how he got so lucky to have someone like you as a lover. Truthfully, he’d never imagined finding happiness, not after all that happened with Hydra. He always thought he was too fucked up to love and to be loved and yet, you loved him for every part of him. The good and the bad.

The presence of someone standing besides Bucky pulled him from his thoughts of you, “You seem happy now.” The voice spoke softly.

Bucky kept his eyes on you and nodded, “I am..”

Nat pauses for a moment as she sips her drink before turning her attention towards you as well. She thought about her next words carefully, knowing that what she was about to say, what she was about to do was completely wrong, but she couldn’t help herself, “....Do you think you ever could’ve loved me the way you love her?”

This time it was Bucky that paused, wondering why now of all time would Natasha ask him this, When he was finally happy, in love and carefree, but nonetheless did he answer, “...I tried to, but you didn’t let me.” He answered honestly, turning his attention away from you and towards the redhead in front of him.

She fought the smile that threatened to appear on her face, finally meeting Bucky’s gaze, “Things were different back then Barnes. I was a Widow and you were my Winter Soldier trainer.”

“Times might’ve been different back then, but my feelings were real Nat, regardless.” Bucky admitted.

This wasn’t right, Nat shouldn’t be doing this. You were her best friend, hell she’s the one who introduced you to Bucky. But, if she was being honest with herself, in her whole life, the only good thing she had was Bucky and she couldn’t help but wonder if her time had expired, “And–what about now?”

Time seemed to slow as her heart beated out of her chest as the two started longingly into each other’s eyes. It was wrong, it was wrong beyond all levels, but they just couldn’t help themselves as they quickly slipped out the backdoor of the party.

♡♡♡♡

His words ricocheted through your brain as he came clean about history with Nat then told you the truth about the New Year's party. You were at a loss of words, confused on how he had thoughts of you being the one, yet slept with another woman minutes after those thoughts were formed. The man you had loved for the last three years had happened to be a complete stranger to you. He had cheated on you and proposed out of pity. Out of sometype of way to make him feel less of an asshole. To let you go through with started to plan your wedding whilst he was screwing your best friend.

As for Nat, you couldn’t believe she could betray you like this. You didn’t understand why she never told you about her and Bucky’s relationship and you sure as hell didn’t understand why she’d set you up with him if she knew deep down, her feelings were still there. That one day she’d want to try again with Bucky. But instead, she drew the sharpest knife on planet earth and drove it right through your heart. At a time like this, Nat was supposed to be the one you called. The person to pick up snacks, drive over to your house and let you cry on her shoulders for hours. Nat was supposed to pick you up when you were down, not the one kicking you to the ground.

You sobbed as everything sunk in. You weren’t sure on what to do, how to feel, but you knew one thing for sure. You never wanted to see their faces again, from this every moment, Bucky Barnes and Natasha Romanoff were dead to you.

“Get out.” You cried, shaking your head as you shot up from the couch, rage coursing through your veins, “You’re such a piece of shit! Three years! Three years of my fucking life down the drain because of you!”

“I’m sorry, Y/n, truly. I am.” Bucky tried, watching you pace the room.

A scoff left your mouth, shaking your head, “Is that supposed to make me feel better? An– I'm sorry Y/n?” You mocked him, “You know what, no, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the fact that I thought you could love someone. Clearly you are more fucked up than I thought you were!” It was a low-blow, you knew that, but you were running off anger. Every vein in your body was burning. Emotions running high as you were crying one minute and laughing like a crazed woman next, “I hate you! I hate you now, I’ll hate you later, I’ll hate you for eternity! You and Nat fucking deserve eachother! Two lowlife scumbags!” You pointed to the door, “Get out! Just get out, get out, get out!”

Finally, Bucky rose from his seat on the couch, slowly making his way to the door but not before stopping to grab his pre-packed bags. He fought the urge to look back at you once more. Dropping his key on the counter, he walked out the door and out of your life forever.

At that moment, your legs gave up on you. You dropped to the ground and continued to cry your life away. Your heart was in more than a million pieces and you had no idea on how you were even to begin on how to piece them back together. Within an hour, your life had changed drastically. The love of your life and your best friend, both gone in one sweep. Now, as you were alone, you felt nothing but sadness. Wondering why this had to happen to you when you had finally gotten to a good place with your life. It was true what they say, with true love comes a painful heartbreak.

You had experienced the amazing highs of a new love blossoming, but now you were facing the death of a relationship.

[ladyxskywalker]

In Exile, ch. iv

Anakin Skywalker x F!Reader/OFC

anakin opens himself up to the possibility of new love, trust, & honesty

part one | part two | part three

** this part contains soft smut, & implied moments of intimacy **

Falling

He held her for a long time by the mountain, completely lost in listening to the cascade of waterfalls from behind them... 

The water lightly crashing as he kissed her - a bit more patiently, taking his time calmly as they slotted their lips together in tandem with the very sound.

Anakin felt as though he could breathe again, after holding onto so much power for so long - so much pent up emotion. It was a sudden release that for some reason, he knew inside that he could handle a bit better now.

He’d been there before with Padme, going against all of his past values and principles in order just to give in to the deeply rooted love that he felt.

How could that ever be so wrong? To want a real connection with someone; to build a life together based on a foundation of trust.

I could be myself with her.

He could sense her worry in the closing space between them. Maybe she knew something intuitively based on him. The palms of her hands were still slightly shaken from the nervousness of it all - finding him there, hoping that he’d just see her and wouldn’t be upset about the simple act of looking for him…

But he wasn’t. He never was. If only she knew that he’d truly seen her all along. 

And that’s all they both ever really wanted - despite all of his hiding, Anakin just wanted someone to truly know him for the person that he was. Not for all of the bad things he’s done.

she would understand.

If I could just…

let go…

For a moment, she pulls apart from him, eyes full of curiosity, comfort, and care. Brushing the side of his face when his sight falls downward. His shoulders tense. Her hands, doing terribly at relaxing them. 

“If this is all too much we don’t have to…” she begins, taking a step back from everything, just in case he might have been having second thoughts.

“I like…kissing you.” He whispers, before moving closer again. Tracing her cheek almost delicately, which by now had been new for him. 

His touch moves around her face, then finding the back of her ear - settling with resting his palm at the back of her neck all so that he can show her that all of this was more than alright with him.

That, more importantly, she didn’t need to be afraid. 

Not of him.

And her response?

A beautiful smile against the safe haven of his mouth, as if to let him know that he didn’t need to be afraid of anyone either. 

Her head tilts into taking their kiss further, all while their hips follow the others’ into pressing. Everything feels so new, and wonderful. Like the world around them is empty - spinning. Dancing. 

And so, Anakin can’t help himself when he brings both hands up into cradling her jaw - only able to feel her skin with one of them, while the other transmits tiny sparks all throughout his nervous system. A strange, technological receptor that at times he forgets he has, and doesn’t even recognize so much.

But she can feel him there, that certain chill of metal that she seems to know so well now. He can tell she likes it from the way her feet stumble lovingly toward him, almost falling into his chest where he keeps her safest there. Her lovely features pebbling through the veil of clothes, where, in her affectionate imagination, she wishes for his to be gone also. 

Can he read her thoughts? Or, pick up on every mesmerizing emotion?

Their hands entangle, then untangle again - criss crossing before a more wild unwinding happens. He fumbles with his robes before they begin to slip away from his frame; falling - just like they both have, from their special place within the clouds.

There’s an overwhelming sense of courage held in the space between them - a second when Anakin takes a deep breath, as if expecting her not to want him like this, battle scars and all. The ones seen all across his skin, and beneath it. 

But doesn’t he realize that she’s already accepted him? 

In her heart; in her waiting arms?

“You’re so handsome…” she whispers, not realizing that she’s said the words aloud.

It makes him smile softly, when her hands begin her own kind of silent exploration. Enjoying the way his strong shoulders curve; how his breath hitches when the flat of her palms slide across his chest. Feeling as the air within her also starts to catch when he tugs on her clothings’ hems.

So, he takes it as a sign of stopping for a moment. To make sure that she wants this just as much as he does. That when she gives him a wordless nod of yes, even mouthing the word please to him, there’s nothing left to question now. 

Everything slips away, one thing at a time, left in a scattered trail along the river banks. Blades of grass, carrying the wind on either side of them; showing them the way towards tranquility and solace. A quiet place where there is sure to be no disturbances, and they could just be themselves.

“This is better…” he tells her, eyes lidded with a gentle anticipation. Finding peace in the moments where they both are and how they’ve ended up here together. Her thighs settling into a loving embrace on top of him; his kiss becoming more pressing and eager than before. Strong hands, palming adoringly all over her flesh, tweaking the sensitive parts that bud & pebble so beautifully into his mouth.

With a breathy moan, her hips roll against him where they have joined; wanting him - sensing what she’s done to him in the tightened space between, before leaning down to kiss him more. Fingertips, threading themselves throughout all the unruly waves of his hair. His eyes, staring up at her in welcome shades of blue, before getting more comfortable; slotting their limbs together again, and letting themselves go…

He clings to the back of her neck with one hand, while the cool feel of another grasps at her thighs, moving with her in a perfect rhythm that satisfies a certain need for both of them. A feeling that they are unable to fully express.

Is it a kind of loneliness that goes away eventually with healing and time…

Or a foundation of trust that happens suddenly, through touch, and the protection of ones’ hands?

It is almost as if they had wished for this; for the universe to put them in each others’ paths.

And now that they are both here, kissing one another in time with things more heavy and impassioned, they can't even begin to imagine things happening in real time.

That the only possible way this could have ever been, was if it had all happened inside a dream…

Her eyes, never once leaving his when her peak has been so amazingly reached, where all they can do now is rest - foreheads touching, and silhouettes glowing within a golden hour of light…

…

If Anakin could blame anything for his impromptu napping, it most definitely would have been the flowing sound of a nearby creek, or even the warmth of a passing Summer wind…

Yet, this time, there’d only been one reason for allowing himself to tire out and rest. 

It had been the loving presence of her head relaxing calmly on his chest, curling into his side where a protective arm of his wraps itself around her. 

He noticed how in between measured breaths, her body would jump lightly out of her sleep, or how her hands would wind themselves into small fists without even knowing. At that point, he would watch her, rubbing her back soothingly, before unwinding her hands out of their own kind of silent fighting.

There was more to her than he ever realized, finding himself wondering what she could possibly be dealing with all on her own inside her mind. That, he wasn’t alone in his emotions - that if he wanted now, he could most likely be honest with her if he absolutely had to.

I can’t lie to her…

I don’t want to.

Cradling her closer to him, she begins to stir, smiling against his bare skin; eyes gently opening where she’s found herself happy just to have woken up to him. 

“Hi…” she says, almost faintly, waiting for him to kiss her. 

And he does - the first, pressed to her forehead, helping her adjust to sitting up again. The next, coming soon after, a softened brush of lips passing over each of their mouths’ corners…

Then, Anakin pulls apart from her, eyes now the slightest bit more serious.

“If this…is what I think this is, us…you, me… then I need to tell you who I really am.”

A moment of pause passes, while she does her best to listen.

“What do you mean?” she asks, her head tilting, looking up at him.

“My name is Anakin.”

there it is…

please,

say something…

“Anakin…” 

She whispers to herself against a hopeful wave of quiet, wondering if her breath will hitch again…

Yet, somehow, this new name is spoken rather easily - she likes it very much now that she's been able to say it … 

And surprisingly, so does he.

… 💐

thanks so much for reading ! 💌 we’ve made it to the final part of this choose your own outcome story - I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I had fun writing ! thank you again for all the love on this mini series. I would love to know what you think. xoxo 

[baby-alien11]

Needles and Stitches

Chad Meeks-Martin x Fem reader

A/N: I had appendicitis two years ago, and I can't forget that experience so I'm putting it in some of my fics (wattpad and here)

warnings: hospital and all things related, fluff, reader being under the effects of anesthesia and meds

After everything that happened months ago in Woodsboro, Chad didn't want to step into a hospital ever again

But here he is, by your side while they were prepparing you for appendicitis surgery

It all started three days ago when in the middle of a study session in the library when you started to get strong headaches which made Chad worried, but you minimized the situation saying it was because of stress

The next day, while you and Chad were in the middle of a make out ssession in his dorm, you stopped the kiss the moment you felt a pain in your right side of the abdomen

"What's wrong baby?", Chad asked with concern, "Are you okay?"

"I think I ate something in bad state", you responded with your face hidden in Chad's bare shoulder holding your right side

"Hey, what if we just lay down and I bring you some medicine?", Chad suggested circling your waist with his arms, "Does it sounds good?"

"Yeah", you answered in a low voice

Carefully, Chad lift you from his lap to left you in the bed covering you with the bedsheets before standing and searching for the medicine

The next symptomes were the lack of hunger and fever, along with the pain in the abdomen that didn't stop with meds

So, tricking you into thinking that you were going on a breakfast date, Chad took you to the infirmary campus were after several tests they took you to the hospital to get appendicitis surgery

"I still want my breakfast date", you said getting out of the bathroom with the hospital gown on

"First we need to get your appendix out", Chad responded helping you get to the hospital bed, "I already told the group, Sam said she is coming right now and the others are coming after classes"

"I can't believe I'm having appendicitis at 19 years old"

"Well, the doctor said this was the limit age, and if you think about it, this organ doesn't have an utility at this point"

"Since when do you know all about this stuff?", you joked

"I read everything about the appendix on the way here", he answered making you laugh, "Hey, everything is going to be fine, okay?"

"I know, it's just that I don't like needles"

"Hey, if I survived being stabbed last year, you can survive an appendix about to explode"

"I can't belive you actually compare both situations", you laughed in disbelief

In that moment, the nurse returned with the things to prepare you for the surgery; during the IV placement, Chad held your other hand and covered your eyes so you don't see the needle in your hand

During the whole way to the surgery room, Chad didn't let go your hand giving you assurasing words, leaving kisses in your forehead and lips before getting separated

Openning your eyes after what felt like the longest nap you've ever taken, you noticed that you were back in your hospital room, and the whole friend group was there too

"I'm back", you said in low and raspy voice

That phrase made everyone get closer to you bed with concern

"I'll call the doctor", Sam said pressing the button next to the bed

"How you feeling?", Chad asked sitting in the bord of the bed

"Sleepy and empty", you answered

"Yeah, they took a whole organ out of you", Quinn joked, "Actually is in here"

"What?", you asked in confussion

In response, Tara showed you a small plastic cup with you appendix floating in liquid making you frown with disgust

"Who would think that this small organ could kill anyone", Tara commented

"It looks like a cheeto", Ethan pointed

"I would say a shrimp", Anika continued

"Looks more like the parasite of REC", Mindy followed, "Like the one in the original movies, not the remakes"

"I can't believe you are making fun of my appendix", you scoffed

"Well, it's out so is no longer part of you", Chad said, "But you are going to feel well from now on"

Interrupting the conversation, the doctor and a nurse entered to the room, which made the whole group get apart from the bed except for Chad who stayed by your side holding your needleless hand

"Hi, Y/N, how are you feeling?", the doctor asked while the nurse checked your vitals, "Any pain?"

"From the inside no, but my stitches hurt a bit"

"That's normal, but we still going to give you some medication for the pain, you are going to stay for the night and tomorrow you can leave, liquid diet for the next week, complete rest for three weeks or a month until the scar is completely cured, I will remove the stitches in a week from now", the doctor instructed

"What do you mean by liquid diet?", Chad asked with a notebook and pen in hand

"Juice, water, tea, fruit, soup, jelly, things like that", the doctor answered, "Nothing to strong for her stomach, and be careful while taking showers because of the stitches, if someone could help you, the better"

"We would take care of her", Sam spoke

After a few moments, the doctor and the nurse left, leaving the friend group alone

"I really wanted a burger", you comented making everyone laugh

[anonbinaryweirdo]

you being the one to await your lover's return was normal, considering what he did and how often he had to be away from you -- much to both you and Childe's utter disappointment.

but, if you had a job whereas you had to be away from both him and home, as well, it's safe to say that he'd be even more restless than you could have ever been. he just can't bring himself to rest without you. even when assured that you'd try your best to be home earlier than the date due, he's constantly stressing about your absence. just give him two days of you being out of his vicinity, and he's already going insane just waiting for you to fall back into his arms.

(more utc :D)

sometimes he wonders, is this how you feel whenever he's gone? boredly hanging around the emptiness of your home, so quiet and dull, without company? a home so cold and quiet, you can hardly call it a home with how isolated it felt?

he busied (or, at least, tried to busy himself) with work and fights, just to try and get the time to pass, and to hopefully bring you home much earlier (somehow. he's certain it'll work, and that time is in his favor. don't question him, he's lonely). but no matter what he does, every time he's done with one paper, or starts searching for someone else to harass into an unbalanced fight, his mind always drifts back off to you, and wherever you are, hoping that you're okay, and wondering when you'll be back.

by the time he receives a letter informing him of your impending return, he's ecstatic, jumping out of his seat with the widest smile on his face, freckles wrinkling in the ear-to-ear grin he held for hours upon hours of knowing you'd be home soon--tomorrow, more specifically.

to say he rushed to bed would be a little of an understatement. it was already nighttime where he was, so the faster he got to sleep, the faster noon would fall.

but he was just so happy, thinking about you being back with him finally.

he didn't get to sleep until three. he was giddy all night.

but, he did, wake up early--an hour before noon, but that was still enough time to get himself ready and head to the docks!

the moment he got there, you were getting off your ship, expectantly looking around the crowd for him--not even realizing his sights were already on you, and he was charging towards you at maximum speed.

you yelped when you were suddenly lifted and spun in a familiar pair of big, strong arms, but you were quick to sigh and return the embrace as best as you could before you were put back on your feet.

he hugged you tightly, and pulled you into a needy kiss. you had to pull away if you wanted to breathe.

"we have a lot of time to make up for," Ajax's voice rang. "ive missed you so much, you have no idea!"

"...childe-"

"i mean, seriously, the bed was just so cold without you. well, i mean, everything was cold."

"childe."

"please, never leave me for so long ever-"

"ajax. it's been three days."

ah. now he knew how you felt whenever he was in your place.

messy as hell im supposed to be working

but its also messy because i thought about it too much before writing it instead of acting on impulse so <//3

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

omg hi babe it's been so fucking long im not even sure if you remember me but how are you love omg 💗

i had like the worst fucking day ever and lately my mental health has been so fucking horrible and i just wanted to see if you could write a cute little fic ab reader having a horrible day and accidentally snapping at peter quill abt it and feeling annoyed by him a bit. you can write it whenever you want mwah 🫶🫶

but how are you doing omg ive been keeping up w u and your drabbles are so fucking cute omg 😭💗💗

ily mwah

-🎡

hii!! AAAH!! ofc I remember you, ive missed you omg!! im really sorry you’ve been having a hard time bby, I hope this can be of some comfort to you. I got a little carried away as I love comfort fics sm and must admit I kinda needed it too😭 but im doing good, hope things are going well for you too (or as well as they can) you’re so sweet thank you😩 ily angel💗 thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌

…

got your back

peter quill x fem!reader

word count: 807

warnings: little angsty? reader snaps at quill and mentions of reader being insecure in the relationship. fluffy ending

✧.┊ MASTERLIST

Peter has many admirable qualities, the most endearing being his deep-rooted ability to empathise. You adored how he cares so deeply about others, especially the ones he loves most. It was one of the things that drew you to him the most. 

Lately, you have been having a rough time, so to speak, and things weren't going in your favour. Your boyfriend, Peter, was aware and did everything he could for you to feel better, even if it was only for a little while.

Every day was different. Some days were easier, others, not so much, and it just so happened that today was one of the more difficult days. It was the kind of day where everything went wrong. The day where your clothes get caught in every door handle, the kind where you drop everything you hold. The sort of day that leaves you with an empty pit in your stomach when you finally catch a minute alone. 

Peter was always so kind and patient with you that it often made you question what you did to deserve him. For you, he's loving and caring, sweet and funny, the perfect combination of all the best traits a person could have. 

You felt overwhelmed with many things and the self-doubt that Peter would find someone better than you weighed heavy on your mind. You were in your bedroom alone, door closed, curtains shut with your head in your palms. 

A soft knock on your door interrupts you from your thoughts. "Hey, honey? Everything okay?" Peter asks through the door, his tone full of warmth.

"Yeah," you reply shortly, burying your face in your arms.

"Are you sure? You can talk to me," he says. "I'm right here."

"Yes, I'm sure," you respond with more bite, growing frustrated.

"Okay, I'm here if you need me," he adds, speaking just as sweetly as before despite your harsh tone.

"I'm fine, just go away!" you snap, throwing a pillow at the door. "Fuck off, just leave me alone."

You didn't have to see his face to know how much your words had hurt him. You regret the sentence as soon as they slipped past your lips, but it was too late. You said them, and they can’t be unsaid. 

"Okay," he whispers, tapping on the door as a farewell.

It felt like it had all just got a whole lot worse, and you just tarnished the one thing that made it easier to cope. The guilt was eating you up, and all you wanted to do was apologise. But you told him to leave, so why would he still be here?

You pace your room for a few minutes, gathering your words for an apology while momentarily cursing yourself out. You were scrounging for ways to make it up to him and patch over the mess you made.

With a small pep talk and a final nod, you open your door and see Peter sitting on the floor beside the door, leaning against the wall with crossed legs.

"Hi," you smile weakly.

"Hey," he smiles, an airy tone to his voice, speaking like he finally got his breath back. "I'm sorry— I shouldn't have pushed you. I know how you get. It’s the last thing I wanted—" he anxiously gushes, talking like he had practiced it. 

You interrupt, shaking your head. "No, please don't do that. You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s all my fault— I'm so sorry. I should have never spoken to you like that. It all got too much, and I couldn't— I'm just really sorry," you profess, fidgeting with the hem of your sweater. 

"I know, honey," he replies, nodding understandingly. 

"You're too good to me," you whisper, avoiding his green gaze. "I'm just not used to it."

"I'm still here, baby and I ain't gonna leave you," he says, looking up at you with sweet doeful eyes. "I'm not leaving you like the others." 

He extends an arm, his hand reaching for yours as he guides you closer, gently tugging you downwards. He nods at his lap, so you straddle his crossed legs, pressing your chest to his, wrapping your arms around his neck to hug him tighter. His big, warm arms encase you and his hand brushes comforting strokes down your back, as his other clutches the back of your head, holding you like he's protecting you. 

You bury your face further into the crook of his neck, silently weeping and embracing him tighter. "I love you," you mumble against his skin, playing with the curls behind his ears. 

"I love you," he smiles, pulling back to look at you. He wipes under your eyes, softly brushing away your residual tears. He kisses the damp patch of skin beside your nose, looking at you with nothing but admiration. "... so much."

— — — — — — — — — — ☆ — — — — — — — — — —

[aphroditesswan]

Thanks!

So I have a black butler idea that you probably won't like cause it is sabciel BUT it's completely platonic like it's a father figure situation and not romantic at all

I was thinking about Ciel having a nightmare and waking up and screaming or something and sabastian helping him calm down and stuff? I'm really bad at explaining things

little person

ciel & sebastian

warnings: night terrors, sebaciel shippers dni i will actually starting rolling around on the floor if those nasty proshippers start following me 

summary: ciel has always woken up from nightmares, usually falling asleep just a couple minutes later, but this time was slightly different.

genre: hurt/comfort, fluff ish

notes: i honestly did not know how to write this but this pushed me out of my comfort zone n it was so fun ALSO SORRY IVE BEEN LATE TO GET TO REQUEST my personal life is extremely busy, especially with family and school but i have this and another fic coming in 🙏🙏 

Being the Earl Phantomhive wasn’t easy. The only (living) person who could speak from experience is of course the Young Earl, Ciel. He hadn’t much experience, but he was determined. 

Determined and had his own help. 

Restless nights were nothing to Ciel. Ever since his parent’s passing, waking up in a cold sweat is nothing new to him. In fact, he’s rather surprised if he manages to get a good nights rest. 

He’s tried everything you could think of. Counting sheep, glasses of warm milk and tea to relax him, going through immense activities throughout the day to tire him. These all do nothing but make him wish for the bed that he so dreads sleeping in every night and curses in the morning. 

Now was one of those nights. Thrashing, shaking, shivering, throwing around the blanket, tossing and turning in every way he could on the ginormous mattress in a room that didn’t belong to him a couple years prior. 

His late parents room was a drastic change from his own. 

It was certainly larger. Which meant more space. More cold, empty space that he never knew how to fill. Being head of the household wasn’t easy, you weren’t a child anymore, you had no reason to fill your desolate room with little toys and fun nicknacks from various corners of the world. 

This nightmare, this one particular nightmare, haunted him like no other. One where he watches his parents, his home, everything he’s ever known burn to the ground. He dreads this dream, he waits eagerly for his body to wake itself up like it usually should. But it never does. 

He continues to watch his home burn and collapse, the smoke from the flames going into his lungs and making it hard to breathe, even in the dream. He can feel himself choking, gasping for air, sweating and panicking with every crackle of the oversized fire engulfing his manor. 

Suddenly, his world started shaking. His body, the trees around him, the entire scenery in his dream. 

Then he woke up. Finally, he thought. He was sweating, the chill of his still cold and empty room not providing any aid to his already chilly state. But he felt a hand on his shoulder, a gentle one akin to his father’s. 

“Young Master,, are you alright? You seem a bit shaken up.” 

He looked over, squinting his eyes to see the figure of his butler looming over his bed with a candle where he sat. 

“I’m,, I’m fine Sebastian.” He whispered out, for a moment forgetting this was his own manor where he could do what he wanted and speak how he wished. 

“Come with me, Young Master.” Sebastian stood up straight, walking a bit then turning to face the boy, waiting for him to get up and follow suit. 

For some reason, he wanted to, and he did. He stood up and walked behind Sebastian, following his own butler all the way down his own stairs. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that this was all his, that all of this was now under his name, not his father’s or grandfather’s or even a distant uncle’s. This was all his. 

He found himself in the kitchen. Looking around, watching Sebastian pouring a glass of warm chamomile tea. 

“Sebastian you know that’s no use.” He scoffed, all of this just a waste of time to him. “Now My Lord, we might as well try.” 

The young earl took the cup reluctantly, drinking just a bit of it. He felt his butler just gazing at him, so he drank more out of pure awkwardness. Not because he wanted to, not because he butler had graciously added sugar to his tea, not because he had faith he wouldn’t go to sleep just to wake up to another nightmare, but because his butler annoyed him with the staring. 

“There. Are you satisfied?” “Are you?” That was unprompted. What did that even mean? Ciel took a minute, just staring down into the cup with the tea leaves. Supposedly, they could read your future. He didn’t see much, he wasn’t trained in that field. He had also never believed in superstitions, even though an entire being whose existence defies humanity was standing only 3 maybe 4 feet in front of him. 

“Yes Sebastian, I am. Now take me to bed.” He huffed, setting down the cup onto the counter. “Are you positive, young master?” “Don’t question me, Sebastian.”

“As you wish, my lord.” He walked Ciel up the stairs, following two to three steps behind him with a candle and standing by the door once he got to his room. 

“Good night, my lord.” “Good night, Sebastian.” Ciel laid down, turning away from the door where Sebastian stayed for a moment, only a moment, before placing the candle down on the dresser. He bowed, although Ciel couldn’t see it, and shut the door. Ciel listened for the footsteps, hearing the clicking of shoes descend the stairs. He sat up, looking at the candle through the corner of his eyes. He wondered how such a small flame, something so minuscule compared to his still small stature, could take away everything he had ever known. He was there when his parents had passed, and there will be someone to watch him die as well.

im so sorry my req have been taking so longgg i’ve been so busy with christmas shopping and finals and studying but consider this and another fic that’s coming out BEFORE CHRISTMAS as a present 🥲🙏