A Cure for Barbarity
The grand old manor of Northcrest provided more luxurious accommodations than most in the rag-tag group of soldiers in the company of the Rising Dawn were accustomed to - if they ignored the peeling wallpaper, smell of mold and the manor's creeping, foul-tempered owner. Unfortunately, Alex couldn't do the latter. She needed to wrangle their prisoner-turned-annoyance wizard Hyden into doing any work at all, and that meant negotiating with his self-appointed apprentice and biggest fan, their host with the least, Baron Theopolis North. Now she had two egotistical, unstable mages to deal with, which was two more than she ever wanted.
She was common, he was the worst kind of arrogant old-blood nobility, she no-nonsense, he excessively prone to nonsense, she hated Hyden, he adored the man beyond all reason. It was inevitable that tensions between the rat and bat would boil over into conflict. True, Alex was a disciplined soldier who knew how to keep a cool head in times of stress, but the mad mage of Northcrest knew how to get under her skin... in more ways than one.
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I DIDNT KNOW ALEX JONES WAS STILL ON TWITTER. I assume after losing his court cases, for sure he has to have been banned by now
Every dollar he gets (as it should) will be going to sandy hook victims. It’s more worth your time to donate to them directly than to Alex
He was briefly on tumblr but I think we ran him off by being annoying. Then again the tumblr account was never proven to be his but it just felt like something stupid he would do. I kinda feel if it was someone shitposting they would have kept it up for longer.
I think, me or someone else, got an ad for his shitty supplements on tumblr before.
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♡ handwriting analysis: alex turner and miles kane ♡
as promised, here is the analysis my wonderful friend (who used to work as a professional handwriting analyst) did of miles and alex's handwriting! a couple of important points to read before you dive in:
my friend analysed these blind - to avoid bias, she always makes a point of never knowing whose handwriting it is she's looking at, so she had no idea that these samples were from alex and miles while analysing them (not that it'd have made much difference if she had, she can't even name one am song lol)
she stressed that her analysis should NOT be taken as fact - it's just one person's interpretation of the material, and handwriting analysis is ultimately always subjective
the two analyses below are based on notes i took while she was talking and is pretty much verbatim - none of the wording is my own and i have changed as little as possible in typing it up
she noted that it was harder to provide a full and accurate analysis just working with photos of handwriting, as you can't see things like pressure on the page etc. she also stressed that context is significant when it comes to interpreting someone's writing, and it's important to bear in mind that how someone writes in one context, e.g. signing autographs or writing something for the general public could show quite different characteristics to how someone writes in another context, e.g. personal letters to someone they're close to. in an ideal world she'd have access to samples from a different range of contexts to provide the most detailed and accurate analysis. in other words, this analysis is quite rough
alex's handwriting:
(samples taken from roughly 2011 - 2018)
block capitals suggest this is someone who don't want to show themselves, makes it hard for people to reach them
someone interested in thoughts and ideas, would engage with these in a way that's intelligent and very original
a lot of emotional and social inconsistency, suggests someone pulled in different directions. they might show very different sides of themselves with different people and probably have complex and/or conflicted feelings about identity
very creative, someone who'd make interesting and unusual connections about the world around them
highly intuitive but also lacking harmony from an emotional perspective. lots of internal emotional conflict and changeability
someone who fluctuates a lot socially as well as emotionally - might go from being quite sociable to withdrawing completely. ultimately struggles to reach out socially and holds back a lot, but there might be certain situations or people they feel particularly at ease with where this is different
really hard to read, don't give much of themselves away
thoughtful and enquiring, interested in ideas
someone who feels things very strongly
signature:
implies someone hiding themselves or presenting as someone they're not. they want to look confident and exciting, but they're actually much less confident that they'd like to appear. lets their creative and artistic tendencies hide them and take centre stage.
miles's handwriting:
(samples taken from roughly 2022 - 2023)
a little sharp, could suggest humorous wit and/or being critical (either of self or of others)
ambitious and incisive, intelligent and enquiring mind
fearful or wary about opening up and reaching out to people, emotional inconsistency. potentially quite restrained - looks like someone used to hiding a lot of hiding of emotions
has an enquiring mind but isn't particularly interested in abstract thought, more grounded in reality and social/emotional things
someone with strong feelings, they get held in and confused. could be warm and open on a surface level, but looks like they'd be reserved about their innermost feelings
could be sharp tongued to avoid dealing with their own feelings
lower zone suggests someone who might not be completely comfortable in their own body and/or sexuality, or have a complex relationship with these things
someone with a tendency towards strong feelings and devotion/worship (could be religious, or could just be to do with the way they relate to people or ideas)
signature:
someone who wants to look more confident they feel. sense of changeability and flashes of insecurity, but ultimately suggests strength of character, not someone who's a pushover. they know what they want and what matters to them.
interesting extra notes:
the wonderful @ballad-of-what-could-have-been managed to find this sample of alex's handwriting not in capitals from when he was much younger (from what i can see, it looks like it was early fwn era):
so i showed this to my friend too (after her analysis of alex's usual writing) and noted that it was probably done when he was a lot younger. she said that all her points from the original analysis still stood, and that despite the fact this writing isn't capitalised it was actually still very hard to read and definitely someone not comfortable with showing themselves. she also said that it was more emotionally conflicted and uncertain than the later sample of their handwriting. the phrase "emotionally all over the place" was used, and she noted a greater sense of inconsistency with identity. overall though she said the earlier sample confirms that this is someone with a high level of intuition and originality, and she said they're someone she'd be fascinated to have a conversation with!
thank you for reading! if you have any questions, please feel free to comment/drop me an ask and i can always pick my friend's brain again the next time i see her!
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Hank with an Eldritch Horror Reader
Here's another thing I wrote two years back! It was an interesting concept which I really liked, so I actually really enjoyed writing this request!
Hank J Wimbleton was a grunt of many things, but not one to be scared unless he had a good reason to be. There were many things in this world he did not understand, you were one of them. Upon meeting you, his first instinct would have been to either fight or run away - who could blame him, it was all he knew. No matter how many times you reassured him that the very last thing you wanted to do was to harm him, he’d draw his weapon, uncertain of whether or not he should believe your words.
Once you show no resistance towards him whatsoever and simply restrain him using your powers or other methods, that’s when, thrashing around as much as he could, he would start listening. You may or may not have seen a grunt up close, but this was your chance to finally examine one. As you scrutinise him from every possible angle Hank realises that you were simply curious about his being and finally lowers weapon.
Your voice would likely hurt his head and freeze the blood in his veins, so you might have to resort to telepathy or speak through a marionette, if you can find one. Though, once Hank’s interest in you has been piqued, he’d be more than happy to find you one. A lot of people in Nevada seem to be redundant in the first place. Regarding telepathy: You will be able to have a two-way conversation with Hank like that, but, for the most part, he doesn’t think in words. Still, he can do so, if needed.
If you’re on the rather small side, he will make an effort to pick you up, or hold you, and bring you back to base. Depending on whether you can float or not, this might be rather difficult, but he’ll try. If you’re large, however, then he will simply “tell” you to follow him. As an eldritch being you could likely either change your form or scare away anyone in your path in the first place, so he doesn’t particularly worry about anyone being stupid enough to attack you.
Spend time with him, he’ll get used to you more and more and, eventually, grow a bond with you. Proud, he’ll show you to Doc so he can figure out what you are, but do not be fooled. Hank wants to know what you are to some degree too. Once comfortable with you and certain you won’t harm him, he’ll start observing you, touching you to some degree. See how you react, how you feel, how you are.
Despite your conversations being, for the most part, one-sided, Hank will ask you directly what you are and if you’re some form of eldritch deity. Since you’re an amicable creature he can’t exactly wrap his head around, it’s worth a try.
Although he would like to do so to some degree, he won’t take you with him on missions. It’s his way of saying “I care a great deal about you, I don’t want you to die or worse even if you are capable of defending yourself.” If you really insist on aiding him, he will let you, begrudgingly. But beware that he will have your back. In fact, having you around will give him a greater reason to fight and improve his overall performance. Though, it will also be a major stress factor to him if something were to happen to you, so choose wisely.
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