#I just wish I could juggle all of my hobbies a bit better! I wish I had a bit more time for everything! but oh well it be like that!

[cerise-on-top]

Hank with an Eldritch Horror Reader

Here's another thing I wrote two years back! It was an interesting concept which I really liked, so I actually really enjoyed writing this request!

Hank J Wimbleton was a grunt of many things, but not one to be scared unless he had a good reason to be. There were many things in this world he did not understand, you were one of them. Upon meeting you, his first instinct would have been to either fight or run away - who could blame him, it was all he knew. No matter how many times you reassured him that the very last thing you wanted to do was to harm him, he’d draw his weapon, uncertain of whether or not he should believe your words.

Once you show no resistance towards him whatsoever and simply restrain him using your powers or other methods, that’s when, thrashing around as much as he could, he would start listening. You may or may not have seen a grunt up close, but this was your chance to finally examine one. As you scrutinise him from every possible angle Hank realises that you were simply curious about his being and finally lowers weapon.

Your voice would likely hurt his head and freeze the blood in his veins, so you might have to resort to telepathy or speak through a marionette, if you can find one. Though, once Hank’s interest in you has been piqued, he’d be more than happy to find you one. A lot of people in Nevada seem to be redundant in the first place. Regarding telepathy: You will be able to have a two-way conversation with Hank like that, but, for the most part, he doesn’t think in words. Still, he can do so, if needed.

If you’re on the rather small side, he will make an effort to pick you up, or hold you, and bring you back to base. Depending on whether you can float or not, this might be rather difficult, but he’ll try. If you’re large, however, then he will simply “tell” you to follow him. As an eldritch being you could likely either change your form or scare away anyone in your path in the first place, so he doesn’t particularly worry about anyone being stupid enough to attack you.

Spend time with him, he’ll get used to you more and more and, eventually, grow a bond with you. Proud, he’ll show you to Doc so he can figure out what you are, but do not be fooled. Hank wants to know what you are to some degree too. Once comfortable with you and certain you won’t harm him, he’ll start observing you, touching you to some degree. See how you react, how you feel, how you are.

Despite your conversations being, for the most part, one-sided, Hank will ask you directly what you are and if you’re some form of eldritch deity. Since you’re an amicable creature he can’t exactly wrap his head around, it’s worth a try.

Although he would like to do so to some degree, he won’t take you with him on missions. It’s his way of saying “I care a great deal about you, I don’t want you to die or worse even if you are capable of defending yourself.” If you really insist on aiding him, he will let you, begrudgingly. But beware that he will have your back. In fact, having you around will give him a greater reason to fight and improve his overall performance. Though, it will also be a major stress factor to him if something were to happen to you, so choose wisely.

[spiritofjustice]

oh hey it’s New Year’s Eve, so i can finally write a reflection about this year.  been wanting to a bit but was saving it till the end.

this was a really good year for me.  it had its ups and downs-- the year started with me recovering from a December packed with covid, the flu, and bronchitis.  my mom was hospitalized with pneumonia and i had a lot of responsibilities because of that, juggling taking care of her and dad, though thankfully she made a full recovery.

i made new friends, which i’ve been really grateful for.  i cut off old friends that were too toxic to be around anymore-- had been too toxic for years at this point, and i was lowkey afraid of them because of how they treated our other friends, so i was proud of myself when i finally put an end to these ‘friendships’.  i have friends i get along with much better in a much healthier way, so i’m pleased with that.

i started a new hobby, which was doll collecting, and that’s been a lot of fun getting into something new.  i really enjoy collecting dolls, i just wish i had more room at this point lol.  i’ll look into bigger shelves soon, maybe.

i started reading more.  i fell off while working on my writing project, but i’m still proud of myself for reading books like i always want to.  i hope i can read more next year too, i have LOTS of books to read and enjoy!

the biggest thing fo the year was my writing.  it started with Death Comes for Good Sons, which was one of the more ambitious writing projects i’d done in a while.  it wound up at about 19,000 words, and i was proud of myself for having written a small multi-chapter project like that.  then of course we know the story of A Change of Heart, which i’ve talked about extensively (and will continue to!).

i can’t believed that thing ballooned to 200,000 words. i think i expected it to be about 50,000 words, but i really had no way to conceive how long it’d be at any given point till i hit the 150,000 word mark.  i’m still really proud of myself for that.  i’d never written so much on my own in my life, and i am so happy i went through on that project instead of doubting myself.  i had a blast writing it, and i hope to write lots more.

as for next year, the Trampled Sunflowers reboot is still underway, though we haven’t really worked on it.  not sure what other writing projects i have right now as i haven’t made any moves to develop my ideas, but who knows.  maybe i’ll have more with all my sudden I Lost My Fucking Job free time.

well, i guess that’s a bit of a damper on the end of my year.  i basically have lost my job.  i guess i could go and try to save it, but i honestly don’t want to because of the sheer disrespect of it all.  we’ll see, though.  but December was a good month.  my family was healthy and we had a nice, calm Christmas together.  we’re rarely all together as my sister lives in another state, so it was nice having everyone together.

all in all, it’s been a good year.  i’m looking forward to the next one.

[ex-furry]

i can find some amount of solace in the knowledge that my mom isn't in pain anymore. she isn't dealing with sickness every day. she isn't juggling depression with the things her body is putting her through.

a few days before she died, she told two of my aunts that she wanted peace and "to be out of this body." it was one of her rare moments of clarity, a brief second during which her liver failure didn't block her actual thoughts. we figured that, while she could have meant general peace—a break from the constant beeping and the nurses sticking her with random things and the blood pressure cuff squeezing her arm every fifteen minutes—there was an understanding among all of us that it went deeper than that. she knew that none of this was going to stop, even if the link that they made to fix her bowel had healed and her liver had started to function a bit more. it would have been months of recovery, just like it was before. she didn't want to go through that again.

there was a fairly long period between her liver transplant in 2013 and her second run-in with cirrhosis where she was able to live a normal life. she could think clearly, work in a field she cared deeply about, advocate for organ donation, and go anywhere she wanted. she was even able to go on our trip to california in 2016, which involved a lot of walking. after her knee replacement in 2019 and the subsequent heart failure she experienced, though, things began to get more difficult again. she had to quit her job because she was falling asleep at the office. covid certainly didn't help with her health, but she was still able to paint in 2020, which became a hobby of hers. she stopped being able to paint as much sometime last year.

it's hard for me to pinpoint exactly when it got really difficult again. i tried to push my knowledge of her illness away. i wanted to fix it by ignoring it. i thought i could do it. it got too bad to ignore after i graduated college in may of this year. her emotions were constantly changing; she'd snap at me in the morning for not doing something she told me to do, but she'd apologize that night. this cycle repeated many, many times. i know she didn't mean any of it now. i hate that it took this for me to realize that.

she was also confused more regularly. her sleep schedule was horrible. i would sometimes wake up and go to the bathroom at 4am and she'd be wide awake, my dad asleep and snoring loudly next to her. they argued a lot more, too. when she was clearheaded, it was obvious that she loved him more than anyone else. when she wasn't, though, she would get irritated when he would tell her that she had to take her medication, she had to get up and use her left knee so it could get better. when we were at the hospital just two weeks ago, this was still the case. it had gotten worse, actually, because she was so out of it. my dad said that he'd learned to not take it personally. he's not lying. he has always loved her so much. he always will.

my mom also told my aunts that she just wanted her kids to be okay. she didn't want us to be upset. i don't think i'll ever be able to fulfill that second wish for her. i'm trying my hardest to make the first one come true, though, as much as i can.

i would take having her here with me over everything else, but i'm glad that she's at peace now. she never deserved to have to go through nine years of bouncing between doctors just to end up in the same situation she was in at the beginning. i'm glad we got that extra nine years, though. i'm glad she was able to advocate for others, see me and my brother grow up, and experience life after her liver transplant. i couldn't be more grateful for that time, even if i wish that we could have had more.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics With Titles That Start With J (2) Masterlist

Links Last Checked: September 26th, 2022

part one

Jack And Sally - adorkablephil

Summary; Just a little ficlet about Dan and a sleepy Phil watching "The Nightmare Before Christmas".

Jackets (ao3) - FoxyAtlas

Summary: Phil Lester, bad boy who wears the same leather jacket to school every day and makes a hobby out of scaring people. Dan Howell, future valedictorian who prefers a varsity jacket, and refuses to be shaken by anyone, bad boy or otherwise. And how they come together through a high school track, an English class, and a failing videography program.

Japan, 2019. (ao3) - Fictropes

Summary: NO summary, just an obviously I was going to write this after phil's post

Jealous - cocktailaunt

Summary: Phil’s getting tired of Dan being so possessive.

Jealous Boyfriend - dxnhowell

Summary: Dan’s boyfriend gets very jealous when he spots him staring at their waiter, while they’re on their date. He gets angry and jealous and then leaves Dan, warning him not to come home that night. Dan is left alone and Phil offers his home for Dan to stay.

Jealous Kiss (ao3) - yikesola

Summary: Phil is usually not the possessive one between the two of them. He’s starting to understand why Dan hates it so much. Jealousy isn’t easy on the tummy.

A ficlet about rumours and photoshop.

Jealousy In A Less Obvious Form (ao3) - picantesalsa

Summary: Phil looked at his door briefly and then back at the camera. "Also," he said, pausing for a few seconds and taking another big breath. "I'm in love with someone. Though, they don't know it." Phil looked slightly sad in this moment, glancing at the ground. "And they'd hate me forever if they found out."

je souhaite (ao3) - legdabs (scvlly)

Summary: Dan's greatest wish is to kiss Phil at midnight, beneath fireworks and stars, on new year's eve.

It always has been, for some reason, but after eight years of waiting, it's still not happened.

This year, though. This year it will. He's going to make his own damn wish come true.

Jesus Christ (ao3) - daisyxhead

Summary: Dan's into drugs, and maybe Phil's a little bit into him.

Jetlagged (ao3) - Mcusekat

Summary:  A sleepy drabble fic for those times when you just want to relax. Phil is coming home from Florida and Dan has to pick him up from the airport at 5am.

Jet Pack Blues - making-paper-stars

Summary: Two drunk YouTubers in love with each other at a party.

je vois la vie en rose (ao3) - sxndazed

Summary: Phil thinks about being in their flat together right now. He thinks about embarking on the North American part of their tour soon and traveling the world with this boy he met so many years ago. He really can’t help but smile now.

Jigsaw Falling Into Place (ao3) - det395

Summary: Dan makes him feel wanted, loved, and confident on the good days until the good days become too sparse to be known

Jimmy's Anti-Valentine's Day Spooktacular (ao3) - sierraadeux

Summary: Phil doesn't really want to be at a Valentine's Day party. He could be doing much better things on a Friday night back at home by himself - that is, until a sultry man in a cat costume grabs his attention at the bar.

John Doe (ao3) - Riddle

Summary: After one of the worst fights in their history as a couple, Dan flees the apartment and is hit by a car and left for dead. When he finally arrives at the hospital, a computer error misidentifies him as deceased and effectively kills him in the eyes of the world. Phil must learn to live thinking that Dan is dead, and Dan--who no longer remembers anything of his life before waking up in the morgue--tries to start a new life and regain his memories with the help of a kind stranger.

joining all my thoughts of you (ao3) - lesthowells

Summary: It’s a habit they have already picked up just five days into the tour, unsurprisingly. They’re used to sleeping in late at home, but it was different

Juggling (ao3) - wekingsandprettythings

Summary: "I was telling my therapist that it feels like we were juggling. Like I was constantly moving three things at a time, I was out there making people happy and meeting them, and I was doing a show every night and we were traveling non stop and then suddenly I dropped it all. And I can’t just pick up the balls and start juggling again because I have nothing to juggle but my own thoughts."

Post tour depression hit everyone.

jump a lil higher (ao3) - snsk

Summary: Dan co-hosts The Breakfast Show. Phil's his new producer. They fall in love, assisted by a bunch of romcom tropes I refuse to apologise for.

Jump Off the Deep End (ao3) - pasteldnp

Summary: Sometimes it takes a road trip with your meddlesome brother and his girlfriend to end up exactly where you want to be.

June 11th, 2020 (ao3) - sombernova

Summary: 2020 kinda sucks, but that isn't going to stop Phil from making Dan feel like the most important person in the world on his birthday.

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 7

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER SEVEN

Lunch with Bucky was spent in a little Italian place right across the bar. It belonged to a seventy-year old Italian immigrant named Marco who invested in it with nothing but his savings when he first came to New York. Fifteen years later, his little dining place stood still through its ups and downs. In fact, business was getting stronger for Marco ever since the bar opened.  His target customers expanded from fellow immigrants to little boys who played soccer in the little league and finally to drunk bastards who wanted pizza in the middle of the night. He also started putting up a 24/7 sign and hired more people to work for him. Marco gave me a sympathetic smile as soon as he passed by you with a bottle of hot sauce he knew you liked.

"Where's the hunk?" His Italian accent never faltered. "Ditched ya?"

Lunch with Bucky was also cut short when he received a phone call from Leonard about an emergency in the White Wolf. "It's Leonard." He said. "Gotta get back to the hotel." Then you slipped in a tiny question, seeing a different phone on his hand: "Is that your phone? I thought you left it in your penthouse, that's why you crashed into our apartment."

"I borrowed Peter's old phone when we did our little fiancè act back there. Then I got my phone back after I ate all that food."

"And here you are again eating."

"Not anymore, I'm not." He chuckled, getting up from the chair and throwing his napkin gently on the table. "I gotta go, doll. Duty awaits. I'll see you around."

You were left there with two plates of pasta, one large pizza, and a hundred dollar bill that covered the whole meal. "Plus tip." Bucky then fled and hailed a cab. He gave you one last look and a small salute before getting inside then off he went.

"He had some business work to do." You replied. "Can I take these to-go please? Oh, and here." You handed Marco the hundred dollar bill and said something you have never said (not once!) in your entire life. "Keep the change."

Marco grinned, took the money and placed it inside his apron pockets. "Any chance you got four more of this?"

"Hey, that's with the tip already!" You playfully rolled your eyes and leaned back on the chair. "And you should ask the hunk that. Not me."

He started taking some plates off the table, his back a bit hunched as he did. "Who was that anyway? Finally replaced that old boyfriend of yours?"

"Old boyfriend? Marco, I'm single. Oh no, you're not at that stage now, are you?" It was meant as a joke but you did genuinely care for the old guy.

Marco stopped from picking up the plates and stood taller. "What ya talking 'bout?"

"You know," you whispered, "the forgetful stage."

"Oh fuck off." You earned a glare from him then continued to pick up the plates from the table before wiping it clean. A mother covered her three-year-old daughter's ears, with pasta noodles falling out of her mouth. She said something to Marco but was overpowered by his voice. A man in his 40's kept looking at you and Marco, probably wondering what the fuss was all about. "I'm still young!" He added. "And you know who I'm talking about. The guy you live with."

You scoffed and gave him an unbelievable look as you watched him clean, avoiding the stares people were starting to give. "That's not my boyfriend, Marco." You whispered.

"What? He's not?"

"He's my roommate." You took a sip of your bottled water. "We're roommates, nothing more."

"Well, good. I like the hunk better than that skinny roommate of yours." He bellowed laughing, holding his big, round belly. His voice echoed against the walls.

"Wait, so you thought Peter was my boyfriend this whole time?" You genuinely asked.

"Well, yeah! You were always together eating and whatnot. What was I supposed to think?"

You were supposed to argue with Marco that it was okay to be friends with someone of the opposite gender: to platonically hangout twenty-four seven, have pizza nights, movie nights, and all the things couples do but in a very platonic way. But Marco was an old man who stubbornly clung to his ancient beliefs. You didn't want to light a fire you and him. Besides, you were still on your way to earning his trust and getting a friend discount.

"Unbelievable." You mumbled, hoping he wouldn't hear it. Despite his old age, Marco still had the ears of a twenty-year old.

"You and me, both. All the time I was thinking to myself, you could do better!"

Oh, God. I know where this is going. You thought. "I'm not letting you set me up with your son, Marco."

"Why not?"

"Because he's old." You groaned, wishing he would just clear the table and just get it on with your to-go Italian food.

"So was that hunk you were with!"

Tired of all the back and forths, you sighed. "Marco, can't you just give me the food? I still have work to do."

"Yeah, yeah, aight. Don't nag me." Marco grunted. "You sounding like my ex-wife back there." His voice faded once he went back towards the counter, and started placing the food in the little to-go boxes.

Your phone on the table lit up. A text message from Peter asking you if you were still with Bucky. You replied back instantly that he went back to the White Wolf. You received no more messages from him after that.

A few seconds later, a figure approached and stopped right in front of you. You looked up and saw one of your friends who also did photography back in college.

"Wanda?"

Wanda flashed you that sweet smile of hers that reminded you of chocolates, rainbows, and unicorns.

"Aria! Wow, it's so nice to see you!" She crouched down to envelope you in a warm hug, then sat across from you, where Bucky was sitting a few minutes ago. She placed her small, shiny purse right on the table, her painted nails never letting it go. "I was just walking down the street and then saw you from the window. How are you? It's been quite long, huh?"

"Yeah, I'm doing good." Wanda could be such a Chatty Cathy. She was the kind of person that never let silence take over a room. If you memory served you right, you haven't seen each other since you graduated from college. She was a year younger than you and even though you stayed in New York the whole time, you never bothered to visit her at NYU Tisch during her last year. "How about you? How have you been doing?"

"I'm doing real good too! I actually set up my own studio a year ago in Manhattan after being a wedding photographer. I now photograph models, sometimes I do photowalks. I also hold photo exhibits from time to time." Unlike you, Wanda chose to follow her passion and majored in Photography and Imaging. "It's been really fun!"

Albeit feeling happy for her, a pang of jealousy struck you. You tried your best to ignore it and said: "That's great, Wanda. I'm so proud of you. You've come a long way since then."

She grinned. "I did, yeah. How about you? How's the business thing?"

You pursed your lips. "I'm actually juggling two jobs right now. I bartend at that bar over there," you pointed across the street, "and I also started a photography business." You continued. "I just do product photos for small businesses."

It was nothing big like Wanda's. Actually, it wasn't anything compared to her Manhattan studio and photowalks and photo exhibits. Nothing at all.

Her jaw dropped. Eyes wide. "Bartending? Wow! That doesn't sound like you at all!"

You chuckled then shook your head. "Who would've thought, huh? But it's pretty convenient and it pays half of my rent."

"You're still living with the Parker guy?"

"Actually, yes I still am." You replied. "But it's just the two of us now."

"Nothing more comforting than a familiar face around, huh?" She answered. "Oh hey, it's great you're still doing photography. I thought it was just a hobby of yours."

"I fell in love with it more during college, you know that."

Wanda just nodded her head in response then looked at her wrist watch. "Right. Well, this has been fun but I have a meeting to go to at some company who wants to talk about collaborations and stuff. You know the drill." She stood up from the chair, its legs scraping the wooden floors. "It was really nice to see you, Aria. I hope we can see each other again soon."

You mirrored her and stood up, reaching for a hug. "It's nice to see you too, Wanda." You let her go, then rambled. "I'm just in the bar if you ever wanna grab a drink or maybe coffee or lunch or anything, really."

"I will." She replied.

Before walking out, Wanda placed her hand on your shoulder, matched with a tight-lipped smile; like the gesture of someone towards a family member at one's funeral. Funnily enough, it was kind of appropriate. Your career in photography might as well be dead. You haven't received any work inquiry in over a month now, and some businesses have been rejecting your photography services. It was the classic "it's not you, it's me" scenario. They just found someone better.

With Wanda out of sight, you drained your thoughts and continued to stare at the moving cars on the streets. Getting you out of your trance was Marco tapping you on the shoulder.

"You alright there, kid?" He asked while handing you a plastic bag full.

"Yeah, sorry." You answered. "Just got distracted." You relieved him of your to-go food, grabbing it from his calloused hands.

"I know that kid you were talking to."

"Wanda?"

"Yeah, yeah. She photographed my son's wedding."

"The one you kept setting me up with?"

"Not that old bastard." He answered, frowning. "The younger, hotter one. With all the cheekbones and the eyes. Got them from me." Marco looked like a taller Danny DeVito. You doubted this "younger, hotter one" of his looked anything like Marco. "She also photographed my daughter's wedding."

"Jesus. How many children do you have?"

"Five." He chuckled. "I got some great swimmers."

You made a guttural sound and rolled your eyes. "Oh, God. Did not need to know that. Anyway, I gotta go. See you around, Marco." With that, you started to walk out and headed straight to the apartment.

There was nothing much to do once you got in the apartment besides putting the leftovers inside the fridge. The bar usually opened at four in the afternoon for happy hour so you took a short nap and was able to clear you head of all the things that happened overnight.

You woke up at about three in the afternoon and headed down the bar. By the time you got there, Nick was already inside, arranging the tables and chairs that were turned upside down.

"Hey, you got in early today." You greeted him as you approached the bar counter.

Nick looked up, hands still wrapped around a table. "Yeah well, I can't let you be employee of the month every single time."

"Living right above the bar does have some of its perks." You chuckled, grabbing an apron. "Need help with those?"

He answered no but his actions said otherwise. You jogged towards him and lifted the other side of the table, placing it on the floor without making much of a sound. You walked towards the other tables then started lifting one, praying to God you won't let it slip away from your arms but of course, you still had no luck on your side. Once Nick asked you that one question ("Do you want to go on a date with me?") you didn't want to hear, you dropped the table on your right foot. Bam! You stifled the sound of pain that itched your throat. Nick shuffled towards me and asked me if you were okay. You gently shrugged him off, telling him that it was nothing and that you you recently had a concussion less than twenty-four hours ago, this was absolutely nothing.

"You sure?" He asked. His hand gripped my waist, trying to maintain my balance.

"Yes, Nick." You straightened up and tried to stretch your right foot, checking if it was sprained or not. Thankfully, it was still good for running.

He let go of you then scratched the back of his head. His eyes focused on the wooden floors. "That was not a good time to ask that."

"I don't think there was ever a good time to ask that."

"Is that a no?"

Your mind recalled the conversation you and Peter had at the elevator: "Never dip the pen in company ink, right?"

Yes, it was easier to let him down easy with no one else around. You could also tell him you'll think about it but either way, you'd still be spending the remaining minutes in the bar with the fleeting awkwardness hanging in the air. But the silence was becoming heavier each second you weren't saying anything so you just shut your mind for a second and said: "Is it okay if I think about it first?"

"Yes. Sure. Of course!" He replied, finally meeting your eyes. "Just let me know. You know where to find me. Just here in the bar. 'Cause I work here."

"I know, Nick." You snickered. "I work here too."

"Right, right." He shook his head. "I'm just gonna..." He trailed off, pointing to the tables with his thumb.

"Yeah, I'll just..." You didn't know where else to go so you just made up an excuse. "I'll just be in the kitchen."

"What are you gonna do there?"

"I think there are still some shipments there? From earlier?" Lie. "I'll take care of them. Don't worry."

"O-okay."

And with that, you left Nick arranging tables and chairs while you headed towards the kitchen, sat on the floor and scrolled through different social media platforms before one of the cooks entered the kitchen. You ignored the befuddled look she gave you. It was the sign to  stand up and walk out of the kitchen. So you did.

Once Peter walked in the doors, you grabbed a bottle of beer and removed the bottle cap. You greeted him with a smile and placed his drink on the counter. "Hey, Parker. Guess what?"

"Hey, y/n." He smiled, sitting on the stool and placing his briefcase on the counter. He immediately grabbed the beer bottle and took his first sip. "Nick finally asked you out?"

"You don't know the rules to the 'Guess What' game, do you?"

"Oh, I know the rules." He replied. "I'm just a born rule breaker. So," he stared at his beer bottle scratching the sticker with his thumbs, "did you say yes?"

"I told him I'll think about it."

"And you've thought about it?"

"Yes."

"...and?"

"I'm gonna tell him no." You walked away from Peter, pouring beer from the beer tap into a beer mug for one of the regulars who just walked in. "It's kind of hard to work with someone you're dating or you've dated. I mean, you learned that the hard way, right?"

Peter groaned, reminiscing the time he dated his co-worker, a certain Denise, for six months, stringing her along for a couple more before dumping her. He couldn't even begin to describe how much hatred Denise had for Peter. One night, you found Peter on the rooftop, writing his resignation letter. Of course, you had to throw it after sneaking up on him behind his back. Apparently, Peter couldn't take any more of Denise's death stares during meetings, lunch breaks, and any time she was around Peter. Luckily, Denise got fired the next day for some legal dispute. Peter drank his whole night away that very day and you ended up taking care of him. The next day, you told him everything he'd done that night except one thing: trying to kiss you.

"Hey," Peter hissed, "here he comes. Good luck." He swiftly left his briefcase and beer bottle on the counter, hurrying his way towards the toilet.

You gave Nick a small smile once he opened the counter pass-through. "Nick. Hi."

"Y/n. Hi!"

"So, about the thing earlier -- "

"Can I get a beer?" Interrupted a man on your left side but you couldn't care less. You put up your hand in front of his face. "In a mug!"

Before you could even say "I'm sorry, Nick, but I can't date a co-worker. It's just not right. But you're great. Not just with me" the man shooed your hand away. "Hey! The hell is this?"

You groaned. "You'll get your beer in just one moment, okay?"

The man huffed and left the counter then sat on a nearby table, flipping me off. You rolled your eyes at him and brought your attention back to Nick who was still waiting for your answer. While halfway through your short speech you have been preparing in your head, he interrupted with a: "Yeah, yeah, I know where this is going. It's fine. It's alright. I understand. I'll let you get back to work."

He started turning around but you immediately stopped him. "So this is okay, right? No weird tension between us, or something like that?"

He nodded his head and sent you a warm smile. "Yeah, everything's good. At least I tried, y'know. I'll, uh, see ya around 'cause y'know -- "

"You work here, yeah."

"Yeah. Well... " And with that, he treaded away towards the pass-through and approached some newcomers.

The man from earlier was still staring at you so you went ahead and opened the beer tap. Before the liquid even reached the top of the mug, a hand laid on top of the tap handle and turned the tap off.

"Now," Bucky's voice rang inside your ears, "how about you make me a mean drink, doll?"

[yongtxt]

one summer’s day [yuta]

word count: 6.5k words

characters: parent!yuta x parent!reader ft. 95 line and a child

genre: angst. just suffering

warnings: mentions of illnesses, hospitals, and deaths. includes a bit of smoking, too. a ton of inaccurate medical information.  yuta has self-deprecating and self-destructive tendencies

author’s note: this is my third (and last!!!) hospital-based fic and i’m running out of ways to describe a hospital. this is emotionally taxing but this was so fun to write! also i tried out a new format so i hope it looks okay? (unedited but not rlly)

Nakamoto Mai’s summers were always spent basking in the white heat of the sun with the salty water of the ocean’s waves splashing against her skin. Your husband would hold her up by her arms, wading them ashore to where you were watching them over, lounging on a beach towel with your knees hugged to your chest.

Yuta would set his daughter on the sand, allowing her to run off to where her short limbs could take her—chasing off the seagulls that would land near her vicinity. He would make his way to you, dripping with water, and he would tackle you onto the ground just to tease you and hear your sweet laugh that was filled with nothing but love.

It wouldn’t take long before Mai would scurry back to her parents, out of breath and her plump cheeks glowing a shade of red you were already too familiar with. She’d crawl into Yuta’s arms while you’d carefully smear on a thick glob of aloe vera gel on her face, poking the tip of her nose and making her giggle.

For a family that resided in the urban city, you always appreciated the time you got to spend in the beaches of Daecheon with the most important people in your life; Yuta, your high school sweetheart that you got to marry two years after your first child was born, and Mai, the physical proof of the love you shared with him.

You had Mai at a time that was least expected. At the early age of twenty-one, bearing a child was the curveball that threw your and Yuta’s life into disarray. Your wishes of traveling outside the country were put to a halt and Yuta’s plans of dabbling into his long-time hobby of soccer were withheld; you were both forced into joining the workforce to afford to raise a child that you weren’t even sure you wanted to have in the first place.

But it was in the way you heard her steady heartbeats at your first ultrasound, how it immediately made your resolve waver. The look of pure adoration Yuta held the first time he’d felt her kicking in your stomach, it was a look you’ve never seen before—a look that made it feel like it was all worth it.

The day came when she was finally born into the world, holding onto your thumb as you held the newborn baby onto your chest. You knew right then and there that all of the doubts and worries you’ve had coming into your pregnancy, it didn’t matter anymore as long as you had Mai and Yuta with you.

It wasn’t easy to be parents at such a young age. To be able to juggle parenthood and your respective careers, you and Yuta wouldn’t dare say that you’ve come close to mastering the skill but you were sure close to it. Mai had a wonderful upbringing despite the many hardships you and Yuta have gone through. She managed to grow up in an environment that emanated warmth and affection, unaware of her parents’ sacrifices of their young adulthood to be able to give her the life she deserved.

Spoiled, as others may think, but she was her parents' pride and joy. Neither of you wouldn’t want her to be treated anything less than a princess should. The smile Mai always had on, you would do everything in your power to keep it.

-

As pampered as she was, most of it came from a place of having to treat her especially with care and attention more than a normal child would need because Mai was a chronically ill child. Born with a weak heart, it was a miracle that she even survived the delivery to start with.

She had always been sickly therefore trips to her many pediatricians weren’t unusual for your family, already having familiarized with most of the doctors and nurses who usually took care of her at your local hospital.

Mai had a lively personality, leading an active lifestyle spent running and playing around all day, but her heart defect caused her to be easily tired. Her constant shortness of breath put her in danger thus her pediatricians had made it a note to always keep an out for her.

When Mai fell into a continuous fever after your family’s trip to the beach, you didn’t think anything of it because of how frequently it happened. Yuta made you go to work and leave Mai in his care while he still had another day of his paid leave, reassuring that she would be fine as long as he was there to take care of her.

That same morning, Mai clambered off her bed—a little too early than her usual wake-up—and waddled into her parents’ bedroom, still burning high off her fever. She reached out for her father’s sleeping form on the bed, tugging on the sleeves of his shirt.

“Papa, it hurts.” She said once Yuta had groggily sat up to properly tend to his child’s cries, seeing the clumps of tears forming at the corner of her eyes. The sight was enough to jostle him awake, alarmed.

He pulled her off the ground and plopped the five-year-old onto his lap, worry growing in the pit of his stomach. It was only in rare cases when Mai’s pain would bring her to tears, indicating how much she was hurting. She looked worse than what he remembered the night before; her breathing still irregular as it always was, but her skin was paler than normal and sweat formed in her temple—it didn’t look like she was suffering her regular lapses.

Yuta asked, “Where is it hurting, Mai?”

She hesitantly pointed to her chest, to where her heart was. Without another question asked, he hurriedly grabbed his car keys from the bedside table. Her pediatricians told you and Yuta of her risk of chest pains and how they shouldn’t treat it lightly considering that she was merely a child. If it goes beyond what Mai could handle, she should immediately see the professionals to get treated.

In his sleepwear, Yuta drove to the hospital as fast—but safely—as he could. Anxious fingers drummed against the steering wheel while Mai sat at the back in her booster seat, her stuffed toy of a dolphin enveloped in her arms.

Briefly checking themselves in the emergency ward, some of the nurses who were already familiar with the Nakamotos ushered them towards the waiting room the moment they had spotted Yuta carrying Mai into the entrance.

He always sat near the decorative fish tank, knowing how much Mai loved watching the fishes swim around. It distracted her from the dread that came with the never-ending blood tests and x-rays she was required to take. It was effective almost every time, but it seemed like that day wasn’t like any normal day.

Mai stilled in her father’s arms in the time they spent in the waiting room, her eyes sewn shut and her lips clamped together. Watching her choking in her sobs and unable to do anything about it, it only broke Yuta’s heart more than it already has.

He let out a shaky breath, wanting the day to be over with already.

-

You entered Mai’s room in haste, slamming the door open as you heaved heavy pants. Still in your work attire, you dropped your bags onto the tiled floor and hurried to your child’s side.

“Mama!” Mai exclaimed, still the cheery child that she was. Yuta, who sat on a chair beside the bed, jumped at her sudden yell and whipped his head to his side to find you already reaching out to her.

You carefully cradled her into the crook of your neck, stroking her hair. She donned a hospital gown and she was hooked onto several machines, patches on her chest for the cardiac monitor and a nasal cannula in her nose; the situation seemed worse than what she let on, how her eyes lit up at your arrival, happy and enthusiastic, opposed how grave of a situation it looked.

“How are you feeling, Mai?” You asked in hopes that your worry wasn’t evident in your tone, holding onto her comparatively smaller hands in yours. “Are you still hurt anywhere?”

She shook her head fervently, a wide grin adorning her beautiful features, “No, no! I feel much better now!”

You let out a breathy laugh, pinching her cheek and making her whine at your doting. Ease washed over you, the tension you had on your shoulders released almost in an instant at the assurance that Mai wasn’t hurting anymore and she was okay.

“I told you that you should never lie about what you’re feeling, Mai.” Yuta spoke up beside you and for a second you’ve forgotten that he was there at all, how quiet he’s been since you came. He looked exhausted, pieces of hair sticking out in different directions and a frown etched on his face.

“But it’s the truth!” Mai pouted her lips, glaring at her father who could only let out a faint chuckle.

You turned to Yuta and leaned over to place a kiss on his forehead, lingering for a moment longer. You wanted to apologize to him for leaving him to deal with it alone, but you knew he would just brush it off with him as the type of person who’d bottle in his stress to not worry those around him.

“Was it really necessary to confine her?” You asked, wrapping an arm around Yuta’s head and pulling him to your side in an attempt to console him—yourself, too, in his touch.

Of all the times you had to run Mai to the emergency ward, it has never come to a point where she needed to stay a day longer in the hospital. The machines she was hooked up on were usually used, but her tests and x-rays were possible to accomplish within the day. There usually was no need to confine her.

“They found an anomaly in one of her tests, her doctors wanted her to stay the night while they made sure that everything’s alright.” Yuta said as quietly as he could, wanting the conversation to be kept strictly between the two of you. He doubted Mai would even understand, but he didn’t want to take his chances of scaring his own child.

You bit the insides of your cheek, the return of the panicked thuds in your heart almost deafening. You replied, “It’s probably a mistake on their part, it’s gonna be fine.”

Yuta wasn’t quite sure if you meant to say it to him or to yourself. Either way, he appreciated it nonetheless. Having you beside him was already a weight lifted off him, he had less to worry about now that you were with him.

Mai, sensing the heavy tension in the room like the smart and sensible girl that she was, shuffled closer to her parents’ side of the bed but Yuta was quick to stop her from doing so. He wouldn’t want to risk snapping off her tubes, a lesson they had to learn the hard way before. She frowned, grabbing her father’s arm instead.

“Really, I’m okay now!” Mai was persistent even against the helpless expressions her parents wore, determined to make them believe so. She added, “Papa said that we can go home once mama comes so we can leave now, right?”

“We have to make sure that you’re actually fine, Mai. We have to stay a little longer.” You tried to smile at her, to make it seem like nothing was wrong. You cupped her face into the palm of your hand, caressing her skin with your thumb. “Is that okay?”

“I guess so.” She huffed, but her grimace was gone as soon as it appeared when you attacked her with a claw to tickle her stomach.

Yuta joined in eventually, hesitant still, but he relented just to hear Mai’s laughter—her hearty laughs that never failed to light up the room and make them feel better. He wondered just how much pain she was actually in to be able to hide it this well or was she even in pain at all like she had claimed.

She was acting as if she was perfectly fine but then again, Mai was a child who never liked to see people worrying. Much like him, he realized.

It took hours before one of Mai’s main pediatricians came knocking on the door, hours of agonizing torture on your and Yuta’s end. When you let Doctor Kang into the room, Mai was in the middle of eating dinner that his Uncle Taeyong had kindly cooked and dropped off at the hospital at the news of his niece’s confinement.

Mai visibly perked at the familiar man, waving her hand wildly to greet the doctor she had known for as long as she could remember. If she thought about it hard enough, almost all of her early memories included Doctor Kang, having been to hospitals so much to the extent that doctors no longer feared her unlike most children would.

“I assume you feel better now?” Doctor Kang asked in a playful tone, making his way to the side of Mai’s bed while you followed suit behind him. With her mouth full of chicken, she could only give him a high-spirited thumbs up. He chuckled, “That’s great to hear, Mai.”

“Us adults are going to talk for a bit so just continue eating what Uncle Taeyong gave you.” Yuta said, ruffling Mai’s hair. She nodded, too engrossed in her seahorse-shaped nuggets to be defiant that she wasn’t included.

Doctor Kang led you and Yuta to the corner of the room where there was a couch you could sit on. Yuta’s hand found yours subconsciously as you braced yourself for what Mai’s pediatrician had to say.

“Based on Mai’s medical records, she was born with a congenital heart defect, yes?” Doctor Kang asked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his white coat.

“Yes, but other doctors told us that it wasn’t life-threatening.” You remarked, already defensive. You were about to rise in your seat if it wasn’t for Yuta’s hold on you. Doctor Kang’s expression remained calm despite your reaction that you assumed he already anticipated. With a smaller voice, you said, “She’s been completely fine ever since.”

Doctor Kang nodded, “That is true but there’s a sudden spike in one of her tests, Mrs. Nakamoto. We’ve run it multiple times already to make sure but it looks like Mai is now prone to convulsions and epilepsy-like symptoms.”

“Convulsions? Epilepsy?” You trailed off, disliking the taste it left on your tongue. You felt Yuta’s grip on you tighten. “Isn’t this a bit too unexpected? What caused this?”

“These things just happen if you were born with a heart defect, we can never tell when it occurs. The most we can do is treat it accordingly.” Doctor Kang said, and you didn’t bother hiding the breath of relief you released. It was treatable, at least. “Expect that her health will be unstable as we’re yet to find out how her body will react so I’m advising that Mai should stay here for the meantime so we could monitor her closely.”

“She’ll be okay, right?” Yuta spoke for the first time since Doctor Kang arrived, his voice quiet and unsure. “Mai will get better?”

Doctor Kang sighed through his nose, pushing up his glasses, “We will do everything in our power to take care of her but you have nothing to be worried about, Mr. and Mrs. Nakamoto. Your daughter is a strong girl.”

The said girl sat on her hospital bed, clueless to her parents’ slow descent to their anxieties they kept suppressed for so long.

-

Yuta stared at Mai’s serene face, her figure curled into a fetal position as she let out snores without care. He stood from a distance, leaning against the wall while you sat on a stool beside him. You shared the same worn-out appearance as your husband, dark circles and all.

A week has passed since Mai was confined in the hospital and it hasn’t gotten any better since. Her temperature kept fluctuating and she spent most of her nights switching her nasal cannula to an oxygen mask for a higher dosage of oxygen, unable to breathe properly anymore whenever she tried to fall asleep. She was also coughing a lot more, swelling in the most random parts.

Mai’s condition was getting worse by the day; unfortunately, it was taking its toll on you and Yuta as well, and you hated how much it showed.

“I’m killing her.” Yuta managed to choke out in the midst of his cries, his unkempt nails digging into the palm of his hands.

“You’re not killing her.” You snapped, incapable of even bringing yourself to rise from your seat to embrace him as much as your mind wanted to. Your body felt too exhausted, emotionally and physically too drained to function. You settled on holding his hand instead, to keep him from hurting himself as you’ve already instinctively known of his mechanisms. “You’re just panicking.”

“My father died because of the same illness, it’s hereditary. I passed the curse onto my child.” He wept, finding his solace in the way your thumb was rubbing circles onto the back of his hand.

“Mai is not gonna fucking die, Yuta.” You said, much more sternly this time with a tiny hint of aggravation seeping through in your rise of tone. You didn’t even want to think of the possibility of your daughter’s death, the thought alone brought tears to your eyes. You clicked your tongue, “Please, you have to trust your daughter a little more.”

Burying his face into his free hand, he let out shallow breaths. You sighed, but it didn’t bear animosity nor ill will, you were just tired—tired of pretending that you weren’t as in equal distress as he was. You couldn’t let anybody know of your vulnerabilities, especially not to your husband who was already suffering as it is.

Forcing yourself of energy, you pushed yourself up from your stool and took Yuta in your arms. You let him cry onto your shoulder that night, your own tears damping the back of your hand.

Despite that you were just human with the same capacity for emotions as much as the next person, you needed to be strong for your family. You didn’t know who else could take care of them if not you. 

-

There were days Yuta thought it was gonna get better. A fool that he was, truly.

Days when Mai’s uncles would come to visit their favorite niece, Taeyong with his arms full of newly bought toys for them to play with and Johnny with his shoulders carrying bags and bags of children’s books he wanted to read to her, and days when he’s able to leave work early and she’s gets to spend time with both of her parents by her side.

Those were the days Yuta never wanted to end because only in those times would he see again the glint in Mai’s eyes that she had lost, the glow she radiated in her elation. She’d be talkative, she had so many stories to tell and Yuta would never get tired of hearing all of it. So full of life and childlike charisma, it was as if everything was back to normal—except it wasn’t.

Days like those would always end in nights of suffering and agony for your family. Mai would lay on the hospital bed in a cold sweat, fighting a battle she wasn’t winning and there was nothing he could do to help alleviate the pain she was feeling. The monotonous beeping of her machines had become her lullabies, it would drown out your storytelling that used to lull her asleep.

Yuta was in a bad headspace, that he knew. Whenever he looked at you, he was reminded of it; how reliant he was of you for emotional support. The guilt he felt was overwhelming, it almost threatened to pour. He hears your desperate cries at night and your silent prayers, he knew how exhausted you were and there would be times he wanted to just say that you didn’t have to put up a tough and optimistic persona for Mai, for him.

But he would be lying if he did so. He was crumbling, he wasn’t in the clearest of mindset.

There would be instances so extreme that he would wish that he could just stay in his office and never return to the hospital, to never face his harsh reality and pretend that this wasn’t his.

Yuta would think to himself, who am I kidding?

He shouldn’t have ever met you and gotten you pregnant, Mai wouldn’t have to endure the pain he had caused her by being his child, but he was selfish. He had to sow what he reaped, to see through his curse that he jinxed his family with.

-

“Papa, look!” Mai called from where she splayed across the hospital bed, Yuta looked over his shoulder to see her proudly presenting her finished work of the LEGO set of a beach house that you had bought for her. She had a toothy grin on her face, showing off the pieces that came with it. “It’s me, papa, and mama! Look!”

“You’re already done with it?” He chuckled, walking over to see what she had been working on diligently for hours. His heart squeezed, noticing how she purposely customized the pieces to resemble your family’s own beach house in Daecheon; from the missing panels of the fences that he ruined and the placements of the flower pots you tended.

“Is this supposed to be me?” He asked, picking up a figurine that she had messily painted its hair with black acrylic to match his. She nodded enthusiastically. He laughed, “Mai, this is really good!”

“Yeah, I worked really hard on it!” She giggles, stifling a cough. Yuta rubbed his hand over her back to soothe her, kissing the top of her head to make her know of his appreciation of her hard work. A genuine smile on his face for once.

He always wondered how Mai made it so easy to melt all of his troubles and anxieties away. Her tiny body was capable of so much love, she lit up his darkest days so effortlessly. It made him feel so loved to know how much his daughter thought of him.

Yuta wanted to curse himself for all the times that he thought of himself badly. Regardless of his desperate pleads and regrets, he knew full well that he loved Mai too much to not wish her into existence. 

He had to work on negating his thoughts that fantasized about his own destruction. If Mai had known how badly he spoke of himself, he knew she wouldn’t like it—perhaps it would even shatter her image of him of the always optimistic, always confident father that he built.

His self-deprecation will not get the best of him again, for his mental stability and his family’s.

-

With his phone pressed against his ear with one hand, Yuta held up a lit cigarette in the other. The pungent smell of tobacco lingered in the air, he inhaled its remnants deeply like a depraved man would.

“Papa, when are you coming home? Mama sucks at doing the fishes’ voices!” Mai’s voice pierced in his ear, and Yuta heard you laughing from the background. His daughter’s voice sounded hoarse, but he didn’t let it sway him from souring her mood.

Tapping the ash off his stick, he said, “I’m almost done with work, okay? I’ll come home soon.”

Home, it was an odd term to call the bleak white-walled room that confined his child. As the days dragged on, Yuta has grown to accept it for what it is. While it was a prison to most, Mai treated the hospital room as she would to her own bedroom and the people who surrounded her were mostly to blame for it.

Because for Mai, it felt just like home whenever Uncle Taeyong would come and visit. He’d pull out papers and paints from his bag and encourage her to be creative. They would pin up their artworks on the walls for everybody to see, and she would giggle when she’ll overhear her uncle getting scolded by you for making a mess of the splatters they made, but he would always be forgiven for most of their works was of their family (uncles included; Uncle Taeyong wouldn’t allow them to be excluded).

It felt like home whenever Uncle Johnny would sneak around past visiting hours to bring Mai a new stuffed toy to add to her ever-growing collection. He would excuse himself that it was urgent, that the toys helped her sleep better at night, but they all knew that he was just too excited to see his niece’s reaction to waste a day. A wide variety of different water animals piled up near the bed, all courtesy of her uncle’s wallet and his tendency to spoil her.

Even on Mai’s worst days, it still felt like home. When she would curl into a position with her small fists digging into her chest that felt too constricted, completely unable to lift another finger because her body would be in too much pain, Yuta would be there to hold her hand. You would place her head on your lap, running your fingers through her hair to quietly soothe her until Mai would begin to forget that she was ever in pain.

Yuta hated the hospital, he hated how dreary it was. But it was home. As long as he had his family with him, it didn’t matter where home was—home was never just a place, it was a feeling he felt whenever he was with you and Mai. The hospital he had associated with nothing but misery for so long, Room 345 had become a place he could now look forward to coming home to.

Yuta dropped his cigarette and crushed it with the sole of his shoe, eager to wrap things up for the day so he could see his family again.

-

On her twenty-first day in the hospital, Mai had still shown no signs of recovery. Yuta was so sure that his nightmare was coming to life.

“We did everything we could, but her health is deteriorating every day and we’re running out of ways to keep her symptoms at bay.” Doctor Kang bowed his head, his guilty apologies falling on deaf ears.

Yuta’s fist collided with the wall, a loud crack resonating from its sheer impact.

“It’s unfortunate but for now the machines are keeping her alive.” Doctor Kang added, his voice lost in the midst of your inconsolable hysterics and Yuta’s fit of rage. “We’re still doing the best we could, but I’m so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Nakamoto…”

The voice in Yuta’s head grew louder and louder, screaming that it was his fault, his fault, his fault. This time, he wasn’t able to shut it out.

-

When you were still carrying Mai in your womb—only three months into your pregnancy with barely a bump to show off—Yuta made a promise to give his unborn child the entire world.

He wanted to be the best father, the kind of father who would be capable of protecting them from all the harsh reality and the kind of father who would be by their side for all of their ups and downs. He would not miss a moment of his child’s life, he would watch them grow in front of his very eyes to be a person he’d be proud to call his child.

But now he couldn’t believe his eyes, Mai at five years old was lying on a hospital bed. He was looking at her so intently as if he was trying to commit her appearance into his mind—how the curve of her nose bore a resemblance to yours, how her lips reminded him of his own, and even how her eyes were similar to her grandmother’s; all of it, he instilled all of it.

Yuta found it painfully cruel how not a single feature of his late father was passed down to Mai. Nakamoto Tatsuo, the kind father that he was, had an appeal to his appearance and was a sight to behold but none of his traits could be distinguished from Mai’s face, it was just his weak heart that he passed unto her.

“Are you okay, papa?” Mai asked after a while of just observing her silent father, tilting her head confusedly at the sudden outburst of tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t like seeing papa cry.”

He nodded, wiping his cheeks rather aggressively, “You don’t have to worry about me, Mai. I’m alright.”

“Okay, I trust you… I love you, papa.” Mai smiled at him, and he burned the image into memory.

-

It happened on a day that felt too normal. Soft waves of laughter filled the room, accompanying it was Mai’s favorite movie soundtrack playing its pleasing tunes.

Mai was engrossed in a game of UNO with you, her small hands doing its best to carry a deck of The Little Mermaid themed cards. She had her tongue sticking out from focus, oblivious that you have been purposely making her win since the round had started.

Yuta, on the other hand, was tidying up the mess her uncles left when they had visited in the morning. He swore they coddled their niece too much.

Everything seemed so normal, it was just like any other day in the hospital. Mai was about to call her win, placing her final card in the pile, when her arm suddenly stiffened. She lurched over into a violent spasmodic fit, accidentally knocking off the stack of cards and snapping off the tubes she had in her nose that provided her oxygen.

You yelped in your startle, shaky fingers easing Mai into a position where she could breathe. For a moment, Yuta was frozen on his spot—utterly paralyzed by fear and panic as they had never seen their daughter have a seizure. He snapped back to reality soon after, forcing his legs to run out of the room and call for help.

Mai was still convulsing when Doctor Kang had finally arrived inside the room, he saw the condition she was in and he turned to Yuta who stood by the foot of the bed, watching the scene unfold with pure horror painted on his face.

“Both of you, get out now!” Doctor Kang’s voice bellowed, rushing to where Mai’s bed would pop its wheel. “I said, out!”

A horde of nurses barged into the room, ushering you and Yuta out of their way before either of you could’ve begun comprehending the situation. You were too stricken by shock, falling to the tiled floor as strangled sobs left your lips—desperate and helpless, while your husband stood by the door, gaping as he watched them wheel out his daughter to the direction of the emergency ward.

Yuta made his way to where the hospital bed used to be, kneeling down on the scattered mess they made of the playing cards. His vision blurred, he didn’t know where else he could find hope. It was as if he was merely just clawing at the seams that were threatening to pull apart any second.

He pressed his palms together, uttering a silent cry to a god he wasn’t quite sure he believed in anymore.

-

Yuta could not imagine living in a world where Mai was no longer.

A world where he would no longer wake up to her small hands shaking him awake, a world where he would no longer have to pick the peas off her dinner plate when you weren’t looking, a world where he would no longer need to take her to the beach just to satisfy her thirst of the ocean waves—he just couldn’t.

The world was robbing Yuta off witnessing the many firsts Mai was yet to experience, and he didn’t know if it was selfish of him that he couldn’t even think of accepting it. He wanted to see his daughter on her first day of school, to see her grow up and achieve her dreams and goals.

There was so much he had to know about her, to see her accomplish, but her clock was ticking. At age five, Mai was already laying on her deathbed. Unfairly so.

“She won’t be able to make it through the night.” Doctor Kang said, his head down low. “I’m so sorry.”

Hooked onto too many tubes to count, Mai rested on the hospital bed in her most peaceful slumber yet. She was unconscious to her mother’s cries, the first time Yuta had seen you crack in the eyes of others; you held onto her small frame for dear life, clutching onto her small pale hands as you laid beside her.

“What did we do wrong?” He heard you mutter to no one in particular, left it trembling in the suffocating air. “What the fuck did we do wrong?”

Yuta sat on the foot of the bed, unable to even look at Mai. He was scared, so terrified. In her final hours, he didn’t want to face her with a look that was sorrowful and guilt-ridden. He racked his brain of what to say, but he overwhelmed himself with his gazillion unsaid thoughts and it left ultimately him blank.

“Mai, are you listening?” He asked after a while, his voice hesitant and wavering. His throat felt dry as if he hasn’t spoken in years. When he received no reply, he let out a mirthless chuckle. He added, “Do you remember the first time we went to the beach?”

You craned your neck to meet Yuta’s eyes, bloodshot as yours were, and he didn't look away. He continued, “You were so little back then but you were rambunctious as ever. You loved the beach so much that I had to pretend that I got sick so we could go home.”

He saw your hand snake out of Mai’s blanket, holding it out for him to take. He caught it with his shaky fingers, tears tumbling out of his cheeks as he relished in the warmth you provided. Gripping on your hand with a tightness he couldn’t believe he was capable of in his state, you held on his even firmer; to assure him that you were there, that he was not alone.

“Mai,” You whispered in between hiccups, gazing at your daughter with such a tenderness Yuta knew was only reserved for Mai. “Mermaids and mermen don’t exist. It was only your papa who was swimming in the water when I pointed one to you.”

It was the crack in your voice that got him. You were letting yourself be vulnerable, and it pained him that it took you this long to finally allow yourself to be. The strong woman he was so in love with, falling apart right in front of him—somehow, you were still so beautiful. An absolute goddess that you were.

Tugging onto Yuta’s hand, he swallowed his reluctance and inched himself closer. He said on his way, “Mai, Uncle Johnny wasn’t the one who broke your favorite pail and shovel, it was me. I accidentally stepped on it and I blamed it all on your uncle because I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”

It went on for a while, your family’s exchange of apologies and truths. It was all either of you could say, but Yuta wished this moment could last forever. You were being honest with your feelings and he was braving against his insecurities as a father, but he knew no matter how much tears he’d shed, Mai was still dying.

“Mai,” Tone a little softer, Yuta called out to his daughter once more. “You and your mama are the reasons why my life is worth living. You’ve both brought out a side of me that I never once imagined I was capable of having. But Mai, you especially are my strength.”

You burrowed your nose into the small of Mai’s neck, muffling your cries at your husband’s confession. He carried on, baring his soul out, “You are the light of my life and of so many others and Mai, we need you to stay alive… I need you to keep on living.”

Mai coughed, and Yuta’s eyes shot open. You drew back, in equal shock at her sudden awakening. She smiled at the sight of her parents, barely having the strength and energy to flutter open her lids all the way, “Papa, if I promise to, can we go back to the beach?”

A gasp ripped off your throat, fresh tears welling in your eyes as if you hadn’t already exhausted yourself from crying. While you latched yourself onto Mai’s fragile form, Yuta’s limbs moved before he could even process what was happening. He scrambled towards the both of you, throwing his arms around his family in a dogpile, clinging with all of his strength.

“Mama, your hair. It tickles.” Mai delicately giggled, scrunching her nose to evade your locks. She couldn’t move in either of your holds, allowing your and Yuta’s combined warmth and coziness to envelop her whole, almost soothing her to a state of tranquility she was never truly accustomed to all her life.

“I’m sorry, Mai.” You laughed breathlessly, a sense of relief washing over you, and you looked at her with a certain yearning. It was an apology that encapsulated everything—to your faults and shortcomings, you poured it all. “Let us make it up to you, okay?”

Yuta gently placed his palm against the side of her head, pressing his cheek against her head of hair and he didn't move an inch. He found comfort at the beating of her heart, faint but it was still there. He mumbled, “Tell us how can we make it up to you, Mai.”

“I want a new pail and shovel.” Mai hummed after a while of silence, letting you pepper her face with hurried kisses—sloppy kisses that would last her a lifetime—and ignoring the damp feeling on her scalp as she nestled into his father’s touch.

Home, Yuta thought once more, this is home. He savored the feeling for what he didn’t know would be the last time because on the night of August 5th of 2023, an hour after she had woken up from her heavily painkiller-induced condition, Nakamoto Mai died of heart failure.

Unknowingly, a little piece of her broken parents died with her. To fill the emptiness that she had left hollow in your hearts, you and your husband would turn to the beach for a taste of peace that neither of you wouldn’t ever fully attain again.

Life wasn’t fair, and Yuta doesn’t think it would ever be when it had already robbed him of his life’s purpose.

[mira--mira]

Question from an aspiring writer:

How do you stay motivated on one project for such a long time?

I personally have the attention span of a goldfish, and whenever I have an idea I either have to write down everything my brain can spew immediately or have it be lost in the void for eternity.

Never mind going back and turning my outline into a fic or gasp editing.

Do you have any tips and/or tricks you use?

Ok, I got completely carried away with this just fyi, but hopefully I ended up answering your actual question 😂 tl;dr at the bottom.

To be honest, staying motivated is a tricky thing, one that I feel I'm still learning how to do even now and varies a bit between shortfics/oneshots and multi-chaptered fics/longfics. For a bit of background, I've been writing fanfic for about a year and a half, but I've been writing original fiction since I was seven, over a decade and a half, and I still wrestle with it. It's definitely a learning process.

One thing I wish someone would have told me when I was starting out was the power of ~scenes~ in either multi-chapters or one-shots. All writing is ultimately made up of scenes, but if you're struggling to put things together, focusing on an individual scene, or multiple short scenes, might help you focus on getting something completed, and it's something that eventually can be applied to longer works as well. Writing has been a snowball process for me and once I started getting anything completed, I felt more secure in knowing what I could write comfortably and what was out of my comfort zone, eventually getting to the point where I felt comfortable tackling bigger and longer projects and knowing I could stay with them.

OoT's interlude chapters and the snippet series are both good examples of scenes because I wrote them with that intention...even if most of them are actually two or three scenes combined. "Gai meets Hashirama and Madara", "Hashirama gets revenge on Kakashi", "Tatsuki and Hashirama pick flowers for Madara, then give them to him" etc. were all my starting points.

If you're first starting out and feel comfortable with outlines of some sort before you start writing I would encourage you to try and write down a bullet point list of your scene(s) and what you know you want to happen in it.

"Gai meets Hashirama and Madara"

* Hashirama meets Gai first, mistakes him for Lee.

* Madara is shopping for a gift for Hashirama

* Madara finds Gai and Hashirama, they spar, Gai kicks his ass, both of them love him.

This is how my initial outline looked for the first interlude chapter, technically each one of these "points" are their own scenes stuck together. Outlining is different for everyone, some people like super specific points, others even less detail than this. For me this is a nice middle that gives me a roadmap for the chapter, but allows plenty of room to naturally diverge and add detail. Play around with outlines and see what you're comfortable with/what gives you the best results.

I'm not sure of your individual situation, but if you're struggling to put together fics in general something like this might help. Doing this process again and again personally helps me stay on track and gives me a sense of progress.

This sense of progress is ultimately key and why I think motivation differs slightly between one-shots/short fics and longfics. If you confine the individual scene to a one-shot, that might give you the motivation to complete it. Even if you start writing and you get interrupted/can't finish having in one setting, bullet points sometimes help inspire me to finish because I'm not starting from scratch when I return to writing. The whole "eat an elephant one piece at a time" thing was difficult for me to learn, but ultimately proved true. Learning to chip away at something bit by bit is going to be the only (healthy) way to write longer projects you can't complete in one sitting.

For longer projects, it's a similar beast just on bigger levels and with an added dimension. I would actually suggest something similar to OoT for a starting project because it is ultimately broken up into arcs that you know and can reference, instead of making a lot of og content for a fan setting. Maybe not go into it thinking, 'I'll do a complete rewrite' but once you feel like you're ready for a longer project 30K+ or so, the rough outline method and the ability to follow arcs was what got me started when I eventually decided to make the fic multi-chaptered. Try writing one arc and keep yourself contained in that. Now the added dimension aspect in general for longfics is that you eventually want to plot individual chapters in a multi-chaptered longfic and individual arcs (character, plot, etc). This comes with practice. I honestly don't think there's a way to get around that. It's something that I'm still trying to work on and I can look back at my early work and see how I've improved, how I can recognize where things didn't go well in certain places, and how I would change them if I was writing today. That's a good thing to be able to do, it means you've grown! The other thing I find that helps with staying motivated week after week for longer projects is to roughly know where you're going and to try to be excited about a plot point/scene/chapter/etc that you're going to write. Really try to hype yourself up. For me, it's a moment that comes at the very end of the chunin arc and I start grinning even thinking about it because I know it's going to be awesome. It's always what gets me through the rough days, imagining the moment I'll get to actually write that scene in its entirety (it's definitely already outlined and I mentally play it out at least twice a week lol) and is a big motivating drive.

So far I think this is pretty standard stuff if you're an outliner and you've been writing for a few years, but the other thing motivational-wise for me is having a schedule. From reading this message alone, I would not suggest it for you right away. Get comfortable finishing small things and feeling confident that if you let an idea sit for a week or two, you can pick it back up and continue. But if you eventually dip your toes into longfics (and don't plan to pre-write everything before you publish) that routine and rhythm really helps keep me going. I've made a commitment, I've posted it online, I'm going to stick to it. No one is going to jump down my throat if I fail to keep it (this is still a hobby and having fun is the most important thing) but in my mind I should commit to it unless something irl prevents me from doing so. Don't put a tight deadline on yourself, I'd start with once a month or if you write shorter chapters every three weeks. This also would help you build up and get a readership, interaction being another big motivational key.

Also, it's important to accept that sometimes you bite off more than you can chew, and when you feel completely demotivated from a fanfic project...it's okay to drop it. It's okay to take a step back and work on something else. Maybe you'll come back to it, maybe you won't. If you can, try to pinpoint what it was about that project that made you demotivated, were you pushing yourself too much and you got burnt out, was it an ongoing series and your interest for canon lagged and so did the fic, was it just too stressful to keep juggling plotpoints, etc. and keep that in mind moving forward. Every experience can be a learning one and eventually make you a better writer that can eventually tackle those bigger projects. Don't be afraid to take on big aspirational projects, but don't walk into them blind either. Above all, and this is repeated a lot because it's true, enjoy what you write. Some days you might not. That's true with anything, but any project you take on the good should outweigh the bad.

This is my wrap up of the motivational section but I also wanted to throw my two-cents in about editing because "oh no editing" is a perspective I've seen from a lot of writers, and used to have myself, but I think is going to stifle your progress in the long run.

Here's the thing: you need to look forward to editing.

You don't have to be jumping for joy, but editing, imo, should be a positive thing. You have all these great ideas, you made it into a fic, something you wrote, and now you get to go back and make it even better! This is a tough attitude to adopt. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It took me a long time to unlearn the negative attitude and even then sometimes I still wish the editing was already done once I type in the last period. But I've learned to at least appreciate what editing does and I try to think to myself as I'm going through and making changes things like "wow, this suddenly became so much better. X plot point that I thought of ten pages from now is suddenly being hinted at and doesn't come out of left field. The transition points are a lot cleaner, it's not so jarring anymore. I bet the readers are going to love this little detail. Here's some foreshadowing that I hope someone picks up bc it's going to come back in like 5 chapters from now" it's hard, especially when you start, but this is something you made, and now are actively making better and that's something to celebrate.

I hope this helps anon! I know it's a lot and I'm by no means an expert but I've been doing this for more than a decade because I love it and I want to help others get into writing to! I have no problem answering any writing questions you may have if you find this helpful!

tl;dr

-motivation is slightly different between short/long fics.

-starting out, learn to outline by scenes and focus on finishing small projects and getting to a point where you feel like you can put something down and come back and pick it up again in a week. Completion is key and will help you feel satisfied/know your limits.

-long projects also can work on the scene-to-scene outline but now with individual chapters and individual arcs. It's tough to balance both but comes with practice. Bit-by-bit is key, as is having 'one moment you can't wait to write', possibly a schedule if it works for you, and reader feedback are all huge long-term motivational points.

-editing is tough but learn to look forward to it instead of dreading it.

edited: added a bit more/few typos fixed

[willowed-divines]

hiiiiiii! could i get a tarot card reading on how my social life in my first univeristy abroad year will be? i want to know if i will have plenty of friends or not. thanks alot! my initials are ma and im a cancer sun

Hello!!!

First of all, I just wanna briefly wish you a “Good Luck! You got this!” in regards to your first year at Uni abroad! Thats super super cool!! Now onto the reading!!

I pulled 3 cards! The Fool, Five of Wands, and Two of Coins.

The Fool: - This is a card that represents new beginnings and all the excitement that goes along with it so its definitely a very fitting card! This tells me that you may be quite a bit nervous but quite a bit excited, and that this is a place that you’ve probably never been before so this is your first step in a long and beautiful journey full of growth!

Five of Wands: - This gives me the vibe of friendly rivalry. You might have a competitive group of friends who like to go out and challenge eachother. Perhaps through active hobbies like sports and the like, or through creativity and are always pushing eachother to be better without taking the loss too hard should they lose. Its all in good fun! 

Two of Coins: - Its definitely going to be a juggling act, balancing your school work, this new location, and your social life with the friends you get. Its something you’re doing effectively, but its important to pay attention too and do effectively. Don’t let your studies stop you from hanging out with your friends however don’t let your friends take away from your studies, that sort of thing! If you remain goal oriented you are bound to do well in both.

Overall, I get the feeling that you may end up being a bit of a social butterfly! If not a large group of friends, than a stable one who will want to bring you out of your shell. 

I hope this reading resonated with you! And good luck again on your journey!

[sushiandstarlight]

Cookies: Chapter 12

This chapter includes today’s prompt “comfort.”

Previous story: Of All The Beds In All The Hotels In All The World

Chapters 1-3 / Chapter 4 / Chapters 5 & 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11

Read this chapter on AO3

Rated: Teen, nothing explicit

Crowley woke before Aziraphale for once. It was that effervescent bubbly feeling in all of his limbs that tugged him from sleep and tempted him to roll over and watch the angel sleep. He wasn't the cutest sleeper, by far, sleeping with his mouth a little open and face half-buried in his pillow. But, Crowley didn't care about how cute he was, he was just happy to know that this was something he could have.

“I can feel you staring at me,” Aziraphale murmured into the pillow.

“Admiring, not staring,” Crowley smiled, reaching out and tucking a wayward curl behind the angel's ear, “I can admire, right?”

“Sure.” There was deep breathing for a while and Crowley wondered if he had fallen back asleep, “as long as you don't mind me doing the same.” Aziraphale's eyes blinked open and his smile was warmer than sunshine.

“I was just thinking...” Crowley trailed off as color rose up his cheeks.

“What? Isn't it too early for you to be doing any thinking?”

“Bastard,” Crowley snorted, “I was thinking how happy I am I get to wake up like this, potentially, for the rest of my days.”

“Hmm, could be a lot of days.”

“Could be the rest of days, maybe beyond.”

“And you're choosing me for that?”

“Well, we can take it day by day...”

Aziraphale huffed.

“I'm kidding, Angel, yes. I'm choosing you for all my days. And whatever comes after days aren't a thing anymore.”

Aziraphale let out a little delighted sound and, reaching out, tugged him onto his chest. His kisses started off soft and deep, but quickly became deeper and ravenous.

“Angel, neh,” it was difficult to talk with an angel's tongue in his mouth, and he was sorely tempted no use it as an excuse but, “Aziraphale, oh-” there was a thick thigh wrapped around his hip, pulling them flush together in delicious ways. What was he talking about? It wasn't important. Couldn't be.

Crowley combed his fingers into the downy curls at the back of Aziraphale's head and tugged lightly, pulling his head back so he could trail kisses down his throat, delighting in the shivers running through his lover's body.

Somehow, the upper moment also gave him enough air to notice the bedside alarm clock. He wanted to ignore it's damning information and carry on with what he was doing. Clearly, the angel did, too, rocking up into him with soft, needy noises.

“I need to get downstairs soon,” but his actions, he knew, were not backing up his words, nuzzling and licking under Aziraphale's ear.

“N-no, you deserve a day... a day... morning? Of rest,” reducing his angel to a puddle of sentence fragments was Crowley's favorite hobby.

“Is that what I'm doing?” Crowley pushed himself up on his arms, looking down at him, their lower bodies still in contact. Aziraphale's hands had migrated to the backs of his upper thighs, squeezing and pulling him to rock against him.

“What?” And the angel had also lost the plot. A hand sneaked into Crowley's hair and yanked him back down to meet hungry lips and teeth. He gave into it again, losing the plot, himself.

“Neh- Angel, really though. It's nearly six,” Crowley pulled back again, “And I need a shower.”

Aziraphale stared up at him, looking dazed a mussed and it was pulling at every bit of resistance Crowley had. But, maybe...

“But, you're welcome to join me... if you like.”

He watched Aziraphale consider this: that he would have to let go of him, but that he was also allowed to follow him. His eyes cleared a little and he pulled his limbs away one at a time, seeming to pry them away against their will.

Crowley kissed his forehead then both his cheeks, nuzzling his nose and smiling at him.

“I love you.”

“You keep that up and I'm definitely not letting you out of this bed.”

“I love you,” Crowley smirked at him, pulling away and climbing out of the mess of blankets to stand and stretch.

“You foul fiend,” Aziraphale blustered with no real steam, “tempter.”

“That's me,” Crowley tossed over his shoulder as he made for the bathroom, putting a little extra strut in his walk for show.

Aziraphale was behind him a moment later, tugging at his elbow until he turned around and then pressing him against the wall beside the bathroom door. The kiss he gave him made his toes curl.

“I love you, too, my dear serpent,” and he pulled back, tugging him towards the shower, “now let's get you cleaned up for the day.”

-

There was something different about Gladys this morning, but it seemed like a good thing so Crowley wasn't going to press. She was more cheerful this morning, an extra spring in her steps. She hummed while she cut ribbons in red, green, and gold to the right length to wrap the iced sugar cookies. He dutifully wrapped them and awaited her instructions. When she had cut enough ribbon she showed him how to tie them properly and curl the ends of the ribbons.

“Does it matter which colors I use?”

“Nah, whatever you fancy.”

Crowley shrugged and started tying the little packages, noting that she wasn't doing any of the tying herself, instead leaning back against the counter, cup of tea in her hands.

A few minutes later the front door banged open and slammed, making him jump nearly out of his skin. He managed to juggle the cookie in his hands without dropping it, but only just. Through the doorway to the kitchen stormed Edie, looking like she was on a mission.

“Oh, hey-” But she was gone before he even got another word in, walking straight to he walk-in freezer and closing the door. A moment later there was a lot of very loud yelling. Crowley jerked and made for the door, but a hand clutched his elbow.

“She's fine.” Gladys smiled at him, gesturing back to the ribbons.

“But, she's screaming.”

“Yup.”

“In the freezer.”

“She'll be out in a moment.”

He stared at her another minute then looked at the door and then awkwardly went back to tying the ribbons.

The door to the walk-in opened and then closed, Edie taking a deep breath and then walking over to them. Gladys handed her the tea and Edie kissed her cheek. Crowley felt like he was out of his depth and so he just focused on his knots. Edie appeared in front of him as she slid on to a bar stool on the other side of the counter.

“Oh, we might have to mess around and put you to work full time,” she winked at Crowley when he looked up.

“Everything alright in here?” Aziraphale's face peeked in the doorway, “I heard slamming.” His cheeks were pink from being outside, hanging nets of twinkle lights on the hedges.

“It's fine, dear, just an old lady blowing off some steam. No need to fret,” Aziraphale made to leave but she called to him again, “put on a coat, would you? You're making me cold.”

“Yes, ma'am.” The angel winked at Crowley and produced a down jacket, putting it on and heading back outside.

“I assume your son's feeling better,” Crowley tried making conversation, he was halfway through with the ribbons.

“Oh, yes, back to his normal self. I love him, I do, but I think distance helps me love him more.”

“The grandkids are worth it,” Gladys elbowed Crowley and smirked at him.

“Oh, most definitely. I might love them more than I love him.”

“Ah, that's just biology. I think we're programmed to love 'em more,” she leaned in conspiratorially, “besides, I have a theory that the best genes skip a generation.”

Edie considered this, nodding and sipping at her tea. She wrapped her hands completely around the mug, sighing happily as she absorbed the warmth.

“So, you scream in the freezer? I wish I had known. I would've made use of that during my last visit,” Crowley finished up curling the last ribbon, “Actually, Aziraphale might've had use for it, too.”

“Looks like we've got a couple more cookies to bake up and then tonight is putting the baskets together. Which is good, they're to be picked up tomorrow morning,” Gladys was slipping the packaged sugar cookies upright into the tubs and setting them aside.

“We sometimes call it the I-Scream Freezer,” she winked at Crowley and laughed.

“Only you call it that,” Gladys grumbled, but she was smiling. She turned to fetch one of the remaining bowls of dough from the refrigerator.

“I'll get you on board. You'll start of saying it ironically and then it'll stick.”

“You won't!” Gladys sat the bowl down and handed the ice cream scoop to Crowley. He started scooping the cookies onto the sheets, listening to the bickering and deciding it sounded awfully familiar.

“Oh, let me have my fun.”

“It was nice and quiet around here with you away,” Gladys tsked and took the first full sheet and put it in the oven before heading over to sit beside Edie, her own tea in hand.

“You missed me.”

“From time to time,” Gladys leaned against her shoulder for a moment.

“Crowley, I think she missed me the whole time.”

“I think you're right,” Crowley leaned his elbows on the counter and smirked at her.

“Oh, now, no ganging up on me!”

“Crowley says you missed me,” Edie sing-songed, tossing her head back and laughing.

“And to think, I was nice to you,” Gladys glared at him, but cracked a smile and winked.

Crowley laughed, a deep belly laugh that left him feeling light in the middle and heavy in all his limbs. He realized that all this time, something had been off about Gladys and he had missed it until now. As she leaned into Edie's shoulder again he saw that it was there: a level of comfort that hadn't been there before. That knowledge that the one being in the world to see you completely was near you, loving you. It made a person glow. Crowley wondered if he glowed when Aziraphale was around. He must do. He sighed softly, thinking about the smile that lit up the angel's face whenever he came in the room. Aziraphale glowed and it was for him.

“Aw, someone's having mushy thoughts,” Edie was grinning at him when he tuned back into the conversation, no idea what the two of them had been talking about- oops.

“Was not.” It was impulse to deny it.

“Oh, you should see them, Edie. Nothing but mush and gropey hands, these two. Had to put them both to work or I would never get any use out of this one.”

No amount of control over his corporation would save him from the blush that painted his cheeks and crawled up his ears, but that didn't mean he needed to corroborate this story.

They broke for lunch while the last of the cookies cooled, toasted sandwiches and soup in the sun room. Just as they were finishing up Gladys perked up, looking over the heads of everyone else.

“My word, we might have a white Christmas yet!”

Everyone else craned necks to look outside. Sure enough, large fluffy flakes were floating about. Few were touching the ground yet, but that could change.

“I'll go let himself know to haul out the non-slip mats,” Edie got up and left for the foyer.

“You know, I had my hopes... I wanted this to be a perfect little Christmas for you boys. Maybe I'll get my wish, yet.”

Crowley smiled shyly at Aziraphale who leaned over and patted Gladys' knee.

“I'm sure it's going to be wonderful, snow or no snow,” he reached over and squeezed Crowley's knee, leaving his hand to linger there.

“Oh, sure,” and there was that twinkle again, Crowley could see it now not just hear it, “But snow will make it more magical, I think.”

Chapter 13 is now up!

[devintrinidad]

Well I don’t know if questions/extra predictions role whatever were for here or ao3. But I’ll post here.

My prediction is NC runs into both Memory T and NK just for the hilarity. I those two will hate NC more then Cancer if they end up interacting a lot. XD 

My other prediction concerns the NC/3803/1146 triangle. I don’t necessarily mean romance areas, but 3803 might end up trying to push 1146 away a little. 3803 is very good at relying on people to help her with her job. Shoot 5100 had to push her a lot to step it up and be a mentor and she still likes asking for help in new areas despite not seeming to really need it. But if there’s one thing 3803 does is that she does not open up about her personal issues. Probably has to do with the fact she believes she over relies on others concerning her job and doesn’t want to bother anyone with things she thinks they can’t help with. She typically keeps her self loathing (cells getting bothered/hurt over her incompetence. Feeling bad she’s not good enough for 4201) about being useless at her job to herself and goes about fixing things herself. In the past that’s worked and been the source of her growth. She’s tries hard all the time to be better and that’s my favorite part about her character.

But in this situation maybe she’ll try too hard. She already did in the last chap of RBA and 1146’s talk seemed to indicate she hasn’t really opened up and talked to him or anyone about her trauma and the things Cancer did to her. I’m thinking it could be likely any progress she’s made could be undone or regress a lot with NC around and looking to make her the center of his world. NC right now still has that old mindset so he’s still capable of picking her apart. The irony is, beyond a beign mutation, he’s a perfectly good cell for the body now. 3803 is still the faulty born cell so his old arguments could still zing her. She can diss on his personality bit not much else that can bother him (meaning there is a lot she can throw at him. But will it have the same impact/bite as it did before?). 

When 3803 accept NC’s here and not leaving. She might attempt to deal with things on her own again. This isn’t some immune system matter anymore. This is a personal issue beyween two healthy cells if the body. She doesn’t want to bother anyone and she doesn’t want to open up. Which might lead her to shutting 1146 out a little and accidently downplaying how much this involves him too. After all, it doesn’t seem like 1146 has opened up much either. He has a tendency to keep his thoughts concerning her or anything that could trouble her to himself (or really just from her). Unbeknownst to her, he’s seen her troubled ache from afar. He’s just never had to confront her about it. The first time all he had to do was protect her from afar and ask about her day to perk her up. Then later he secretly observed her settle her issue quickly on her own. But this situation is a lot more heavy and complex. NC and 3803 have complicated feelings that ate different from any other relationship they have. She hates what he’s done and is still struggling to figure out how to heal herself. NC is still the one cell who gets it when it comes to being born not perfect and in another life he could gave been a great friend. Theirs also a third side: 1146. He also has his own complicated relationship to both 3803 and NC. He’s also heavily involved in this personal matter because he impacted Cancer so much. He was both Cancer’s greatest adversary and greatest friend (from Cancer’s pov). He showed sadness for Cancer and wished things could be different. Cancer picked up on his interest in 3883 and developed one for her too. He took her and kept her from 1146. Now 1146’s dream/wish Cancer could live in this world with them is now true. But it’s at the price of 3803’s peace of mind. I definitely think 1146 has A TON of unresolved issues over all this too. Things he has to work out still. He has to juggle his professionalism with his priority of 3803’s happiness and desire to feel safe again. 

Basically there might be some miscommunication for a bit. 3803 thinks this is something she has to do alone if she can’t avoid NC all the time like she’d want. NC will encourage this (unless he wants to bring 1146 into it or pre what ever good character development he will get). 1146 will get frustrated trying to get 3803 to let him help her more. For 1146 it might be one if those things where he doesn’t just want to protect her. He also wants to take care of her and in the process he’ll let her take care of him too. 

And NC might get character development. XP

Also NC totally knows where 3803 lives. XP He’ll probably pick up a camera and start snapping millions of secret pictures of her to put into a photo album after Normal cell suggests a fun hobby.

Normal cell: Uhmm, NC did you make a new… Friend? 

NC: This is my wife. She’s my whole world and purpose in life. I’m also on vol VI. I need to buy some more to for today’s pictures. =/

Normal cell: @_@ (just keep smiling). 

~~~

Hehehe, yeah it’s fine if you want to post here. 

But anyway, I love your predictions. A part of me really wants to tell you everything and another part of me wants you to suffer. Luckily for me, I’m going to make you suffer. 

Although, I will gladly draw attention to NC’s supposed character development, the triangle that you mentioned, and knowing where someone lives. You definitely are on the right track on some of the things that I’ve mentioned in the story... just know, that I think you will definitely feel betrayed by the time we get to like... chapter three or four? You’ll find out soon enough. 

Also bear in mind that this is now a trilogy. 

So if 3803 has her own story, and NC has his own... who is the third? 

If you can answer that, then you can be rest assured where all of my answers to certain questions are going to be answered in the third part. ;D

One more thing:

I love the little interaction you wrote between NC and Normal Cell here. It’s very reminiscent of [REDACTED].

And that’s all I can say unless you can read my mind! Ciao and have a wonderful day! :D

[vanaera]

I got tagged by the sweet @sunshineandserendipityplease ! Thank you so much, hon! I love all the games you've been tagging me!

Here I go

What is the best thing that happened in 2020 to you so far? Writing The Heart Holiday. It's like a rebirth of my writing journey here bc I finally get to let out in the open all the things I've been wanting to write for so long. I've never felt so free, happy, and very much in love with writing like this before.

Favorite song at the moment? Maniac by Conan Gray. Be feeling happy better off and a bit bitter to all the boys I used to like and this song is just for that.

Last movie you watched in the cinema? Hmm...probably Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral [Trans.: Goyo: The Boy General] It's a genius Filipino historical war film. To this day, its lines remain highly relevant like "'Pag bumagsak si Aguinaldo, may bagong titindig. Pero ito.... hindi ito mapapalitan." [Trans.: If Aguinaldo (the president) falls, another will rise. But this (the nation) can never be replaced - (Pantaleon Garcia to Gregorio Del Pilar, gesturing to the landscape.)] I had to watch this film for our history paper last year while it was on its premier week (so I wasn't able to torrent it). It's been a long while since I watched in cinemas bc cinemas here are too expensive and I can't afford them bc I have more priorities to consider.

Favorite movie? OKAY THIS IS A HARD QUESTION. I LOVE FILMS FOR ITSELF AND ASDFGHJKL I LOVE IT SO MUCH. But anyway, my top had to be Fight Club, Se7en, Memento, Plus One, Parasite, 3 Idiots, Gone Girl, Little Women, AND JUST SO MUCH MORE (If you want some hella lit movie recs, just hit me up! I got so so many!)

Favorite TV Show? Avatar: The Last Airbender and the kdramas While You Were Sleeping and Kingdom

TV shows you're watching currently? None. I'm too busy theses days to invest hours in a show asdfghjkl I prefer movies more

Dream job? To write professionally. Publish books. Travel around the world to research for stuff I want to write about

What languages do you speak? Filipino, English (and bits of Spanish though not enough for daily conversational use)

What languages do you want to learn? French, Mandarin, Korean.

Dream vacation? Travel around Europe. I wanna go to Greece and Iceland and just study and appreciate art and films in a more intimate way and see the northern lights

If you could listen to one album for the rest od your life, which one would it be? Love Yourself: Answer :))))

Which song got you into Kpop? Beautiful Target by B1A4 (I miss them :((( Also yeah, it's been years sfghjkssks)

Are you currently watching Kdramas? What was your last Kdrama? Nope, not watching currently. My last one was Itaewon Class and it's hella lit👌 I love the generation war as its core theme. I've never seen a Kdrama like this before.

Your ultimate Kpop party song that brights up your mood always? ....I don't like much party songs but if something gets to bright up my mood always, it had to be Outro:Ego (it has boppy beats so I think it's already a party song? Idk man, I just always dance to this when it plays and I caN'T stop)

Last song you listened to? BTS - Outro:Ego. I just finished sweeping our living room and dining room and I needed a lively music to sweep to lmao

What's one thing you have most in common with your bias? Ok so like Yoongi id my ultimate love of my life but these months it's been pretty hard with Jeongguk always ruining my supposed normal life so with Yoongi, passion for writing and that i can sleep anywhere, anywhen. With Jeongguk, I think I'm talented in visual art and I'm constantly juggling through a lot of hobbies I wanna master.

I'm tagging my best girls @sophrosinn @senfleurs , the lovelies @kkul-lemon @kwonthefire @itsautumnherefriend @nixwrites @isimyazaki @sunskook @outromori @ifntelyinspirit @babychimchimsbaby @fantasybangtan @yoonia @foreverpark, and anyone who wishes to try this game out, feel free to tag yourselves! If you've done this before or don't want to do this, no pressure, it's totally okay! Hope you all are safe and doing well these days 💓

[captainofthefallen]

OC Interview

Rules:

1. Choose an OC.

2. Answer as that OC.

3. Tag 5 people to do the same Open tag because you’re lazy 

So about six million years ago @queen-scribbles​ dropped me a tag on one of these in case I wanted to talk about a character and so I’m cashing in on that because I want to talk about Zeph (my wonderful amazing air genasi monk who deserves all the happiness in the world who I unintentionally cursed with anxiety worse than mine. Poor darling.) 

1. What is your name?

“Zeph.” She hesitates. “Okay fine technically it’s Zephyr but nobody I actually like calls me that. So if you want me to like you, don’t.” 

2. Do you know why are you named that?

She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, because I’m an air genasi and the monks couldn’t think of anything better when I was dumped on them.” 

3. Are you single or taken?

Her annoyance melts instantly as she blushes and ducks her head, almost trying to hide her smile. “Um... taken. Much to my surprise.” 

4. Have any abilities or powers?

“Let’s see... good at punching things? I learned the other day I’m pretty good at hockey. I can levitate things, and sometimes I can blink into another plane if I can’t dodge something quickly enough.” She shrugs a little, almost bashful. 

[we spent the first hour of our last session playing fantasy hockey; Zeph was the goalie thanks to the monk’s deflect missiles ability. It was delightful. Also indirectly led to her getting asked out which was a plus.] 

5. Stop being a Mary Sue.

She raises her eyebrows. “I’m not sure if I should be flattered you think I’m perfect or insulted you think it’s unrealistic.” She laughs, then sobers. “Really though if you think I’m perfect you’re not looking hard enough.” 

6. What’s your eye color?

“Gray.”

7. How about your hair color?

“Silver, mostly. Think there’s some blue in there.”

8. Have any family members?

She shrugs dramatically. “Fuck if I know. None that I know of. Maybe my parents are dead, and maybe they just dumped me, but either way I guess it doesn’t matter.” 

9. Oh? How about pets? 

Her smile returns. “Well the party has our blink dog, Ptoast. Long story.” She turns around to look back toward the docks, where a water genasi is play wrestling a gnoll. “Cotton Eye Joe doesn’t count, he can talk.” 

[yes we adopted a gnoll. And we named him Cotton Eye Joe. Long story.]

10. That’s cool, I guess. Now, tell me something you don’t like?

“Wererats,” she says immediately. “Especially if they’re in a crime syndicate and frame people’s friends for enough crimes to get them thrown in jail for way too long. Also when people tell me I can’t do something.” 

11. Do you have any activities/hobbies that you like to do?

“Oh, loads. Pretty much anything I can get my hands on, really. Puzzles, cards, I think I could probably still juggle if I tried.” Her gaze shifts upward as she thinks. “Does fucking with Ptah count as a hobby?” (”Yes,” three voices respond immediately. “Fuck you!” adds a fourth.) “Guess so.” 

12. Have you ever hurt anyone in any way before?

She bites her lip. “Sure, I guess. Tends to happen when you get in fights. Got arrested for beating up a tabaxi in a bar once.” 

13. Ever… killed anyone before?

She nods. “Not... much. Some gnolls, some wererats, some weird mushroom things. People... not really easy to get used to that. Though there are a few I’d make exceptions for. And besides I’ve got an assassin and a... well, Ptah, for friends, they can handle it.” 

14. What kind of animal are you?

“Like, what animal would represent me? Some kind of cat, I think? Maybe a tiger. Gods help anyone who suggests I’m a bird.” 

15. Name your worst habits?

She laughs. “Oh boy. Well I overthink things. A lot. Somehow I also manage to be reckless sometimes. And I spend way too much time and effort trying to figure out what other people want from me.” She sighs. “Working on that one.” 

16. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“My friend Bright. Learned a lot from him. About the world, and about me. He’s about the closest thing I’ve got to family, I think. At least until I met these assholes.” 

17. Are you gay, straight or bisexual?

She inclines her head. “Think you missed a few options there, but I’m bisexual.” 

18. Did you attend school?

“Not in the traditional sense, no. I was educated in the monastery where I was raised.” 

19. Ever want to marry and have kids one day?

She laughs again. “Bold of you to assume I even know what I want to do next week.” She bites her lip. “I haven’t really thought about it. I guess I wouldn’t be opposed, but it doesn’t seem... I don’t know. I’m trying to live in the moment right now.” 

20. Do you have any fangirls/fanboys?

She grins. “Does my boyfriend count? I’m kidding. Um... not me specifically, I don’t think. There may be a few fans of our group, since we kind of stopped evil snake people from taking over the government, but I don’t think anyone would have much of a reason to be my fan.”

21. What are you most afraid of? 

She blinks a few times. “Being forgotten,” she says at last. “And... well. No. I think I’ll keep that one to myself.”

22. What do you usually wear?

She gestures to her clothing--flexible, dark-colored pants and a tank top, along with the wraps on her hands. She’s also wearing a dark cloak that sparkles just a bit when she moves. “It’s a cloak of protection,” she says. “Ptah gave it to me, to see how I’d react. I was very drunk at the time (and so was he, to be fair) so I’m a little hazy on the details, but...” She blushes faintly. “Anyway.” 

23. What’s one food that tempts you?

“I love pecan pie. Also, cookies and pastries and such in general are pretty great. Especially Ashyew’s reactions to them.” 

24. Am I annoying you?

She raises an eyebrow, smirking. “Are you trying to? Try harder.” 

25. Well, it’s still not over!

She smiles. “Full speed ahead, then.” 

26. What class are you (low/middle/high)?

She gives a bemused sort of grin. “That’s a very weird question right now. I guess financially we’d probably qualify as middle class at this point, but we were also recently given a villa, so.... No idea. I really have no idea.” 

27. How many friends do you have?

The smile stays. “One more than I thought I did a few days ago.” She thinks for a moment. “Brin and Bright, and Rhede, and the group, are the ones I’d call close friends. Kazimir and the others might qualify, to an extent, but seeing as I wasn’t even sure I was friends with Morana... so about eight.”

28. What are your thoughts on pie?

“Pie is amazing and wonderful. Do you have any?” She sighs. “Thought not. Worth a try.” 

29. Favorite drink?

“Hmm. Never really thought much about it. Alcohol is pretty much nasty, yet for some reason I still drink it.” 

30. What’s your favorite place?

“So far? Aargau. The dwarves have fucking indoor plumbing. And hockey. I really wish we could’ve stayed longer. And not just because I was promised a date.” She thinks for a moment. “I’m also a fan of the rooftop deck at our villa in Kalmar. But overall, gotta be Aargau.” 

31. Are you interested in anyone?

She blushes, grinning widely. “Just a little. If I wasn’t clear up to this point, well, it’s still kinda new. But Ptah is my boyfriend.” Her entire face lights up with her smile as she says it. “So yes, I guess you could say I’m interested in him.” 

32. That was a stupid question…

The grin doesn’t fade. “To be fair to you, I was being a little vague. Don’t worry about it.” 

33. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

She thinks for a moment. “I haven’t really spent much time in either. Other than that giant octopus, though, I have enjoyed the ocean. Especially if Ash is there as a dolphin or something.” 

34. What’s your type?

She laughs out loud and buries her face in her hands for a moment. “According to my track record of one, it’s dumbass tieflings who don’t seem to ever shut up and who are really fun to get drunk with. If you’re looking for a serious answer... it’s because he listened to me. I... I doubt myself, a lot, and I usually do okay at hiding it but I didn’t need to hide it from him. I could tell him anything, and not only does he not judge me he somehow always manages to say exactly what I need to hear. So...” Her blush deepens. “Yeah.” 

35. Any fetishes?

“If I did, I wouldn’t be about to tell you.” She winks, despite her blush. 

36. Camping or outdoors?

“Can I have both? You mean like... in a tent or under the stars? Depends on the weather. But if it’s clear? Stars. I didn’t retain much of what I read about the stars, but they’re beautiful.” 

[fics-for-my-heart]

Tinder Boy (b.h) (p2)

Summary: From train rides and weird left swipes to just a tiny white lie

Word count: 5772

Warning: some language, poorly written angst

A/N: This is part two of a (now) three part series. A really appreciate all the comments and such you guys have shared. And the encouragement in this piece being so long. Please keep it coming.

Masterlist 

Part One Part Two Part Three

It’s been three days since you met Ben Hardy on the train. Three days of texting, one late night phone call, and a question you needed to ask him but weren’t sure how. You’d been juggling the topic back and forth all day and we’re currently pacing your room.

 He’d come here for some press events for his new movie and had been going almost none stop since he left the station. But he’d still text you, and even checked to make sure you made it home safe the night you went out with some friends, and teased you about your hangover the next morning.

 The problem? Your mom wouldn’t stop. Every time you were even looking at your phone she was at you. “Is that the boy from the station?” “Y/N. I’m serious. Ask the boy over for dinner would you.” “He was handsome, and don’t think I didn’t see him carry your bags!”

 Finally, you just snapped. “Okay mom, fine. He’s my boyfriend!” You slapped your lips closed and your heart fell out of your ass.

 “Oh.” She responded. Taking a moment to process what you said with a clap of her hands. “OH! I just knew it! I could tell by the way you were looking at him.” You rolled your eyes at her exaggerated remark. “Y/N you simply must invite him to dinner now.”

 So, here you were, pacing your room, waiting to hear from him after what you hoped wasn’t too sketchy of a text.

 You: Ben?

 Benny: Hey! I have two more interviews and I’ll be able to chat! X

 You: Cool, cool. Could you call me when you’re done? I need to talk to you.

 You: It’s uh, nothing too serious.

 Time seemed to slow. You knew that the interviews lasted anywhere from thirty minutes to an hour. Hopefully not too long though because you weren’t leaving your room till you spoke to Ben. (Also, you really really needed to avoid your mother.) After a few more minutes, you flopped onto your bed and closed your eyes.

 The shrill sound of your phone ringing woke you with a start. Benny was across the screen and you quickly gathered yourself before answering.

 “Hello!” You hoped he couldn’t tell you’d been asleep, or that you were suddenly nervous about hearing his voice.

 “Hello, hun. Everything alright? Your text was a bit... cryptic.” You could hear people in the background, and the sound of doors shutting.

 “Are you busy? It’s really not that important. It can wait.” You were on your feet again. Stomach in a twist and your fingers pushing your lip between your teeth.

 Another door closed and it was silent. Ben didn’t speak for a moment, but you could hear him moving stuff around. “Nope. Not busy. We just officially wrapped the interviews and I just got cozy in my hotel room. So. Are you okay?” There was concern laced through is words and it made your heart tighten.

 “Well. Yes and no. Um. Remember how my mom wouldn’t stop talking about you? Going on and on about how handsome you were and how cute we would be together?”

 “I tend to have that effect. Keep going my ego is loving this.” He laughed, and you did too.

 “Oh, sush. Before I continue, I need to know something.” You paused a moment, hearing him “uh huh”. “Was that offer of if I need a fake boo a real offer?”

 “It could be. I wouldn’t be opposed.” He sounded so casual about this, while you were still nibbling at your lip and lowkey freaking out.

 “Okay, so just know you can say no. But….Uh….I kinda told my mom that you were my boyfriend and now she insist even more so that you come to dinner.” Your eyes squeezed tight as you waited for his response.

 He giggled. Actually fucking giggled. “Y/N, I’d love to be your fake boo.”

 You couldn’t help the sigh as relief washed over your entire body. “Really? Oh Ben. Thank you. Are you sure it isn’t too much?”

 “I’m sure. I don’t have anything planned for the rest of the month so I’m free. And I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you. I can extend my stay at my hotel no problem.”

 Before you could process what you were going to say you spoke. “You can stay here. I’m only here for four more days and there’s no need to spend money to stay somewhere.”

 “If you’re sure, it’s a deal. So, what’s the plan?”

———

 The sound of the cafe wasn’t enough to calm your nerves. You and Ben had agreed to meet at a cafe downtown to decide how you would go about this scheme. He’d said he was on his way, only ten minutes out. But that was almost twenty minutes ago. Your head jerked around every time the bell chimed on the door, and your mind started replaying your conversations. What if he changed his mind and you never heard from him? What if he was really just in it for one thing and was just playing you? What if-  Your thoughts were cut short by a hand on your shoulder.

 “Y/N?”

 You looked up and relief washed over you. “Hi, Ben!” You stood up and hugged him.

 “I’m so sorry I was late. I walked here, and there were more people than I expected who wanted to stop for pictures.” He removed his hat, running a hand through his hair as he watched your face.

 “You’re fine. You’re a movie star and people love you.”

 He blushed a bit, but before he could respond, someone came and took his order. “So.” He started, turning his full attention to you. “How are we going to go about this, boo?”

 You shook your head and gave a laugh. “Well, we can start with some rules if you’d like? I hear that's how most of these fake relationships start.”  

 “Alright.” He pursed his lips. “First rule. If we go out to eat I’ll pay.” He put his hand up as you went to protest. “Nope. It’s a rule. Next rule please.”

 You hummed as you thought. “No overdoing the PDA. My dad would have a cow. Mom might gush over some kissing. If you’re comfortable with that.”

 Ben nodded. “I don’t mind. We don’t even have to if you don't want to.” You nodded and he continued. “We should take some photos together, maybe?”

 “Yes. My mom has already asked to see some. I told her you had them all because my phone reset.” You laughed, holding your phone up to take his picture. “Perfect.”

 “I already took one of you.” He blushed again, turning his phone to show you a picture of yourself, drink in hand, looking out the window deep in thought.

 You could feel the heat rising up your face, so you quickly changed the subject with a nod. “We need a backstory. I’ve kinda thought of one.” He nodded and you continued. “So, I’m going to school for public relations. We could say that we met five months ago when you came in for a meeting and our relationship bloomed from there?”

 “I like it. We can say that I thought you were so gorgeous that I forgot how to breath.” The way he was looking at you, mixed with the seriousness of his voice made your heart flutter.

 “I like it.” You smiled at him, watching his eyes light up as he smile back. “Okay. So. Tell me a little about yourself. Anything you feel is important for a significant other to know.”

 The two of you spent almost two hours talking. You talked about broken bones, pets, past relationships, and siblings. He told you about filming for his movies, how close he still is with the cast of BoRhap, and about his upcoming film. You told him about your studies, hobbies, and favorite books. Anything the two of you hadn’t shared the days leading up to being here.

 Eventually your mother called, interrupting a conversation about music. “Honey. Where on earth are you?”

 “I thought I told you, I’m picking up Ben.”

  “Ope! I forgot! Oh boy! I need to make dinner. What does he like better, spaghetti or chicken Parmesan?”

 You repeated the question, then answered with Ben's response. “He said either is fine, but hasn’t had Chicken Parmesan in a while.”

 “Okay, I’ll get it started. It should be ready when you get here. Love you!”

 “Love you too.” You said, hanging up. “We should probably get going. She’s starting on dinner.”

 “Alright. I need to stop and grab my bags and check out and then I’m good to go.”

 You drove Ben to his hotel, joining him up to his room to help with his bags. Once he checked out, the two of you made your way to your house.

 By the time you pulled into the driveway, you looked over at Ben. “It’s not too late to back out.”

 He placed his hand over yours, lightly rubbing his thumb over your knuckles. “Nope. Let’s go, love.”

 “Mom? We’re home!”

 “In the kitchen!”

 Your stomach grumbled loudly as you made your way close to the kitchen, earning a laugh from Ben.

 “It smells amazing!” You said, stepping aside. “Mom, this is Ben.”

 She spun around, her face lighting up. “Oh! Hello! It’s nice to meet you!” She came over and gave him a big hug. Then stepping back to look at him and realization took over. “You’re that actor! I’ve seen you on tv. Y/N you didn’t tell me he was an actor!”

 “I didn’t think it was that big a deal.” You shrugged, giving Ben an apologetic smile as your mom kept smiling at him.

 “It’s nice to meet you Mrs. Y/L/N. Y/N has told me so much about you.” He kissed her cheek and she blushed a bright red.

 “You are too sweet, I wish I could say the same about you though.” She gushed, turning just in time to see you dip your finger in the sauce. “No no! Dinner is just about done. Go get Ben situated and it’ll be ready.”

 “Did you get the guest room fixed up?”

 She flicked her wrist, “No, he can stay in your room. You’re both adults.”

 You gave Ben a wide eyed look and he just shrugged with his eyebrows slightly raised.

 “O..okay. Yeah, that’s awesome. Thanks. We’ll be down in a bit.” You quickly walked toward the door, grabbing Ben’s hand and leading him to the steps. “You can totally sleep in the guest room if you want.” Your voice was a whisper as you pushed your door open.

 Ben closed the door while looking around your room. “It’s up to you. You could give me a pillow and blanket and I’ll sleep on the floor.” He gave you a reassuring smile as he sat on your bed. “Your mom seems incredibly happy that you’re in a relationship.”

 “Yeah.” You replied softly, turning to move some things around on your dresser. “It’s been a while. She’s always on my case about me ‘not getting any younger’.”

 “My mom is the same way. Every time we talk she wants to know about my relationships.

 “That’s how mine was,” you joined him on the bed, sitting cross legged facing him. “That’s partly why I snapped.”

 “Let’s stop at my moms on the way back.” He joked.

 “Hey if this goes well, why not.”

 A knock at your door caused you to both jump. “Dinners ready!”

  Dinner went by smoothly. Your parents asked all the typical questions about Ben. He continued to compliment your mom on the food, and talked with your dad about sports. It was nice to have a family meal and not hear about your lack of relationship. And it was nicer to see them getting along with Ben. But there was a twinge of pain in your chest that this was pretty much a lie.

 “Y/N?” Ben’s voice pulled you from your thoughts, his hand was over yours. “You alright?”

 “Yeah, sorry I was thinking about an assignment I have due before break is over.” You lied, smiling and forking the last bit of food into your mouth.

 Your mom shook her head. “Always a busy bee. I said Angie is coming over tomorrow with the kids. Will you help me bake some cookies?”

 “Yeah sure! I miss the little stinkers.” You piled your fork and knife on your plate, looking around the table. “I’ll wash up, if you all are done.”

 While you did the dishes your parents and Ben talked in the living room. Just as you were finishing up, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist and a chin came to rest on your shoulder.

 “Your mom’s behind me.” Ben whispered in your ear. His breath sent a shiver down your spine that you hope he couldn’t feel.

 “You two are so cute. Your father and I are going to head to bed. Love you!”

 “Love you too mom!” You smiled, Ben nuzzled his head further into your neck. He stayed that way even after she was gone. “Sleepy?” He nodded. “We can go to bed too if you want.”

 He let go of you, let you dry your hands then softly took one in his hand and led you upstairs.

 “Can I take a shower?” He asked, picking up some clothes from his bag.

 “Yeah, it’s down the hall to your left.”

 You quickly changed and got comfortable in bed with a book. When he returned your eyes almost bugged out of your head. He was just wearing a pair of sweatpants, his hair slightly damp. He glanced around the room before looking up at you. “Do you have an extra pillow and blanket?”

 “Shoot. Sorry. I meant to get them for you. Uh. You can sleep in the bed if you want. It might be a bit odd if my mom comes in and you’re on the floor.”

 “If it’s fine with you, sure.” He smiled, walking around to the other side of the bed. “You parents are really nice.”

 “I hope they didn’t embarrass me too bad.” You scoot a little, not that you needed too really.

 “Your mom pulled out a baby book and showed me a picture from where you cut your own hair in third grade.” He wiggles around a bit before pulling the covers over himself and grabbing his phone.

 Your jaw dropped. “No. You’re lying.” He had a huge grin on his face as he turned his phone around, showing you your third grade class picture. “Oh. My. God. Ben. No. Delete that!”

 “But you look so cute!” He pulled his phone away as you reached for it. “I think you did a decent job!” He was laughing now as you reached over him.

 “I hate you.” You groaned, reaching down and digging your fingers into his side. He erupted in a fit of laughter, rolling around trying to get away from you.

 “S..st..stahahahp!”

 You stopped, keeping your hands at his sides. “Will you delete it?”

 He took a second to catch his breath before laughing and nodding. “Yes. Yes. Just please don’t tickle me anymore.”  

 You moved back to your spot, picking your book back up. “No promises.”

  “Rude.” He poked your leg, making himself comfortable again.

 “Will my reading bother you? I can turn the light off.”

 “ ‘s fine.” He locked his phone and rolled over, facing you. “Goodnight.”

 “Goodnight, Ben.”

——

 When you woke up, your pillow was harder than normal, and warmer than normal. You reached up to touch it only to have a hand stop you.

 “Don’t do it.” Ben said, lightly kissing the top of your head.

 “Oops. I didn’t mean to roll over on you.” You didn’t plan on moving though.

 Ben moved his phone to the other hand and placed the one around you on your back. “It’s fine. It worked actually because your mom came in earlier to see if we were awake. You should have seen how cute she looked when she saw us like this.”

 You groaned. “I’m sorry she’s being weird.”

 “Nah it’s fine. There is something you should see though.” He laughed nervously. He tapped on his phone for a moment before holding it down to your level.

 “Ben hardy seen with mystery woman?” Was across the screen with photos of the two of you waiting for the elevator at his hotel, driving away and even one at the cafe.

 “Oh boy.”

 “Joe sent it to me, and I quote ‘excuse me sir you have some splainin to do’ with a gif from I love Lucy.” He swiped off the photo to show you the message.

 You rubbed a hand over your face. “You just responded with a wink face. Oh lord.”

 “Eh. I’ll tell him eventually. You should see the WhatsApp chat. It’s just the boys sending eye and tea emojis. I had to turn the notifications off.” He laughed, you could feel the vibration in your cheek, followed by a small grumble sound.

 You sat up, taking in his bed head with a smirk. “Hungry?”

 “God yes. I was waiting for you to wake up.” As soon as you moved he was up out of bed. He slipped a hoodie on the held open a robe that was on your chair.

 “Slow down buddie.” Your face was hurting from smiling at how weirdly excited he was.

 “I love breakfast and your mom said she’s making French toast.” He practically dragged you down the steps.

 Breakfast was, per usual, amazing. She had some fresh fruit to go along with the French Toast and cool whip. When Ben finished his second plate he gave a pleased sigh and rubbed his belly.

 “Mrs. YLN, I have to say I think that was better than my mom’s.” His eyes widened. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

 “Your secret is safe with me.” Your mom responded, she reached over and took your plates. “Dear, I want to start baking around noon. Your sister will be here around three.”

 “Sounds good. Do you need us to do anything?”

 “Nope, I sent your father to the store so the two of you are good to spend the next few hours how you like.”

 Ben smiled. “Got any movies?”

 “Dude. We have an entire wall of movies. Dad’s been collecting them since before I was born. The basement is like a little movie theater.”

 The two of you went to the basement, chatting about movies along the way. It wasn’t anything fancy, just two comfy couches and a big screen TV. The part that amazed Ben was the bookshelves full of movies.

 “Wow. You weren’t kidding. I don’t know if I have time to choose one.”

 “We still have three days.” You plopped down on the couch watching him skim the shelves. “We can come back down tonight and spend the next two down here.”

 “Sweeeeet.” He looked a bit more before stopping. “What’s Spirited Away? I’ve seen a lot about it but never seen it.”

 Your mouth dropped. “Only one of the best movies ever.” You jumped up, making grabby hands. “Sit. We will watch this first.”

 You put the movie in, quickly getting it started before turning the lights off and sitting back on the couch. “Y/N.” Ben said softly as the beginning music started. “Wanna cuddle? Just, ya know, in case your parents come in.”

 “Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.” Your heart was fluttering as you fitted yourself into the space under his arm. He smelled good, and was warm. You definitely would miss this when everything was over.

 “Let’s fuck with the boys too.” He laughed, pulling your leg over his, snapping a picture with the title of the movie. He sent it to their snap group chat. “That’ll really bother them because I still haven’t responded to-,” his phone buzzed. “Damn. Joe works fast.”

 He opened the snap to a picture of Joe with his face super close to the camera. Across the screen was “COME ON WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?”

 You shook your head, using it as a way to push yourself a little closer to him. You could feel his chest moving as he laughed. Snapping back with “watching a movie bro”.

 “You’re going to drive him crazy.”

 Ben shrugged, wrapping his arm tighter around you and putting his phone down. “He’ll be okay for a few more hours.”

 Aside from the occasional question here or there Ben was pretty quiet. You looked up once, thinking he was asleep, only to find him wide eyed at the tv.

 “That was so good. Now I see why those soot sprites are so popular, they’re adorable!”

 “Right, it was one of the first Studio Ghibli movies I watched.” You patted his chest, rubbing your face lightly against him before getting up, his arm following you till you were out of reach.

 “You mean there’s more? Alright. We have to have an entire marathon of them.” He nodded his head as he spoke, opening his phone and laughing. “Look at this.”

 You snapped the dvd closed and walked over to him, taking his phone. It was a picture of Rami from Joe. He was looking at a computer with a magnifying glass. “We will find out boy.”

“Wow, are they always this weird? Oh! I should send them a selfie.” You looked at Ben for approval.

 The smile on his face grew bigger as he pulled you into his lap. “I like your thinking.”

 Holding the phone up, you made sure to get Ben’s head over your shoulder. “This should help.” You added with a tongue face.

 “Oh yes. Perfect.” He lightly kissed your shoulder before releasing you.

 Before you could respond, your mother called for you.

 “You wanna join us?” You were still sitting on his lap.

 He thought a moment before shaking his head. “I think I’ll take a nap. But save me some cookies.”

 “Will do sweet thing.” You laughed and patted his cheek before hopping up and heading to the kitchen.

——

 “Which do you want to make next?” You asked your mom, sliding the tray of chocolate chocolate-chip cookies into the oven.

 You mom skimmed her recipe book. “What about peanut butter? It’s been awhile since we’ve made them.”

 You gave an excited jump. “Those are my favorite.” You dug around in the cabinet. “Uh. We don’t have any peanut butter.”

 “Rats. It was on the list I gave your father.” She wiped her hands on her apron while shaking her head. “He forgot to get more noodles too so I’ll run back out. Is there anything you can think of?”

 “Nope.” You glanced at the ingredients you had laid out on the kitchen island. “I think I’ll make some brownies.”

 “Sounds good.” She gave you a quick kiss, hung her apron up and headed out.

 After starting your ‘70s playlist you got to work. Dancing around and singing while mixing everything up. Once the cookies were done you placed them on the cooling rack, then prepped the square pan for the brownie batter.

 Hooked on a Feeling was playing, and of course you had to sing along. “I-I-I-I-I'm hooked on a feeling. Do-dodo-dooo. I'm high on believing. Da-dada-daaa. That you're in love with me.” You shook your hips to the beat of the claps while pouring the brownie batter. “Lips are sweet as candy. It's taste stays on my mind. Girl, you got me thirsty. For another cup of wine.” When you placed the pan in the oven you spun around, nearly falling over. “Jesus Ben!”

 He was leaning against the door, a smile on his face. “Didn’t aim to scare you.” He stepped in, swiping his finger through the brownie bowl. “Mmm. That’s good.”

 “Thank you.” You turned to see him eyeing the cookies. You stepped beside him, bumping him with your hip. “We can share one. They’re still hot though.” You added, handing him half of one.

 He was looking you in the eyes, and his smile made your heart tighten. He still had lines on his face from the pillow too which added to the softness of it all.

 “Did you have a nice nap?”

 “I did. What are you about to make now?”

 You stepped back to the cookbook and shrugged. “Mom had to run out to the store but should be back soon. You can pick something if you want.”

 He joined you, his arm hitting against yours as he flipped through the pages. “There’s a lot in here. Wow.”

 “Yeah, mom started it when Angie was little. Every year they would add a new recipe, and when I was old enough we added two. It kinda became a family tradition.”

 He was giving you that soft smile again, but you avoided his eyes by dusting some flower off the counter and into your hand. “How about Cinnamon Roll Sugar Cookies? This sound good.”

 You clapped your hands together. “Alright. First things first, the cookie dough.”

 Ben was very helpful. He would get the right amount of ingredients and helped mix them together. He even mixed up the cinnamon mixture. When the brownies were done he got them out for you and placed the cookies on the sheet and stuck them in the oven. But when he stepped back beside you he started laughing.

 “What?” You looked up and him and pinched your brows together. Your hand came up and wiped at your face which only made him laugh harder. “What is so funny?” You groaned.

 He lifted his phone. “Hold on hun.” He was still giggling as he turned it around. On the screen was a photo of you, face pinched together in annoyance, and right across your cheeks were smudges of flower.

 “Really?” You glanced at the back of your hand to find flower all over it. You looked up to meet his gaze, his eyes crinkled at the corners.

 “If it helps, you still looks gorgeous.”

 Inside, you were melting at his words, but you kept your face as serious as you could. “Ben. Darling. Delete the photo.”

 He shook his head. “Nope. I actually really like it. What are you doing?” His eyes grew wide as he watched you dip your hand in the flower.

 “You’re missing out on all the fun, Benny.” You tried to sound innocent as you pulled your hand from the bag, observing the absurd amount on your hands. He backed away, circling the other side of the island while still looking at you. “What’s the matter? Afraid of a little flower?” You flicked your hand out, a flower cloud hung in the air for a moment and when it cleared you lost your mind laughing.

 Ben let out a “pff” sound, loose flower floating in the air. He had a nice splat of it over the lower part of his face. “Oh. You’re going to pay for that!” He raced around the island, arms out to grab you, but you dodged. “What’s the matter, love? Afraid of a little flower?”

 “Don’t you dare!” He was reaching into the bag now. “We’ve already made a mess! No!” He was coming at you again, hand nice a white. You ran behind the table this time. The two of you bobbed back and forth before he bolted around to you, trapping you in the corner.

 “You’ve got something on your face.” He said softly with a devilish grin on his lips. “Let me just…” He brought his hand up, but before he could touch your face you started tickling him. “NO!! That’s play-playing dirtyyyy!” He was laughing but he took his flower hand and rubbed it all over your head.

 “I just washed that!” You yelled, hands speeding up at his sides. You could feel his hands at your waist. “Wait! No! I’ll pee my..” Too late. He started tickling you back. You withered around trying to escape him. Hands clutching his shirt to hold you upright. “Ben! O-o-okay! Truce!” You dropped your head low, tears in your eyes from laughing so hard.

 “Good to see I’m not the only one who is ticklish.” He was looking down at you with his hands on his hips, panting.

 You peeked up, hands wrapped protectively around your waist, equally as breathless. “We’re going to have to clean this up before my mom gets home.”

 “No more tickling?” He raised his arms.

 You gave him a cautious look before nodding, stepping to him and giving him a hug. His arms wrapped tight around you as he rested his head on yours. “No more.” You whispered, subtly breathing him in. “For now.” You giggled kissing his chest before, reluctantly, freeing yourself from his arms.

 The two of you work easily around each other to clean up. He swept the floor while you cleaned up the counter. Just as you finished the cookies beeped and your mom came in with her hands full.

 “Oh! Thank you Ben.” She sighed as he took the bags from her. “It smells nice in here. Did you guys make the cinnamon cookies?”

 “Sure did. Ben, wanna put the icing on them?” You asked, licking some from your finger as he nodded.

 “Darling. You’re an absolute mess.” Your mom said once she looked at you. “How did you get so much flower in your hair?” Ben snorted

 Not even turning to acknowledge the sound, you shrugged. “Eh. You know how messy flower can be.”

 “Go take a shower, flower. Your sister will be here soon.” She laughed as you kissed her cheek.

 “Babeee.” Ben wined when you reached the door. His lower lip was out and he was giving you a puppy dog look. You raised your brow at him and he tilted his cheek at you. “Don’t forget me.”

 You laughed, taking the few steps to him and tiptoeing up to press your lips against his soft cheek. “Sorry, hun.” You kissed him once more, because it just felt right, then turned on your toes to go shower.

——

 After your shower you tossed your flower covered clothes in your hamper. You added Ben’s clothes from yesterday as well as his sweatpants he had placed on top of his bag. On your way down the stairs you could hear Ben talking.

 “He’s definitely become a mentor to me. He actually texted me the other day and told me he saw the trailer for my new movie.”

 When you entered the kitchen, he was standing at the counter chopping mushrooms. You stopped at the door, admiring him and your mom standing together talking.

 “That’s awesome. I always knew they were kind. I was watching Live Aid and I remember the excitement of seeing them walk out.”

  “That was an exciting way to start filming. Brian and Roger were both there and it was nerve racking as heck, but an absolute thrill.” He picked up the cutting board and walked around your mom, dumping them in the pan. “It’s an experience I’ll never forget.” He still hadn’t seen you when he turned around, his attention went right to what your mom was doing.

 “It’ll be fun stories to tell your grandchildren that’s for sure.” She laughed, handing him the unions she’d just chopped. When she looked up at you she winked, turning to take over the stove.

 You finally announced your presence. “Hey hon, I’ve got some of your clothes that I’m going to wash with mine.”

 He smiled, walking over to kiss your cheek. “Thank you, love.” He pecked your cheek once more and whispered. “You smell nice.”

 You laughed and rolled your eyes as you made your way to the laundry room. “I’d hope.” You ignored the soft pat on your butt.

 As you loaded the washer you couldn’t help but smile as your mom and Ben’s conversation continued. The soft way he had looked while she spoke warmed you heart. Hearing her tell stories to someone so interested and the gleeful look in her eyes made you happy.

 But at the same time, the reminder that this was all a lie was causing your insides to sour. You couldn’t lie to yourself about the fact that you were definitely feeling something for the green eyed beauty. Maybe it was the fact that he was helping you out. Or the way your stomach filled with butterflies when he called you love. Or how when you touched his feeling lingered.

 So many thoughts were running through your head that you didn’t realize you weren’t alone.

“Y/N?” You dad spoke, causing you to jump.

“Jesus.”

“I’m sorry hon. I just wanted to tell you your sisters here. You alright?” He stepped closer, trying to get a good look at your face.

 “I’m alright. Just got distracted.” You gave him a smile. “I have another internship this semester and I’m just overthinking it.”

 “Hey.” He turned you around to face him. “We are so proud of you. You’ll do great.” He pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head.

 The sound of the door opening pulled you guys apart. “Thanks dad. I’ll be out in a second.”

 When you joined everyone in the living room, your nephew, Asher, was wide eyeing Ben with his mouth open. “You’re. You play Angel in X-men! Mom! He plays Angel.”

 Ben was absolutely beaming. Your niece, Elliot, was hiding behind your sisters leg, but the moment she saw you she ran right around Ben and jumped into your arms.

 “Oh my sweet girl I missed you.” She was squeezing your neck and kissing your cheek.

 “I mwiss you tuw.” She squeaked. Her little hands pushing your cheeks together. “You so pwety.”

 “Not a pretty as you, El.” You kissed her little nose and turned to your sister. “Hi Ang.”

 She wrapped you in a hug while whispering in your ear. “What the fuck bro?”

 When you turned back around, Ben was on the couch with Asher, listen to him talk very enthusiastically about how even though Angel was a bad guy he was his favorite character. The way Ben was listening to him, his complete attention on this hyper child, brought that now familiar feeling to your stomach again.

 “Excuse me.” Angie pulled you onto the couch, her attention on you. “Spill. When did you nab Ben Fricken Hardy.”

 “Well.” You laughed, occupying your hands by playing with Elliot’s wild hair. “It’s kinda a funny story actually.”

  Tags:

@unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt @hermionedeservesbetterthanron @screaminggalileochickenwrites @queen-bunnyears @pastel-world14

[kronos-the-timelord]

Dude, do all of the numbers for that getting to know you better ask! Or half bc 200 is a lot :0

ahhhhhh,, you so nice

1: My name? - Margaret

2: Do I have any nicknames? - maggie, mag, mags, maggles, at one point my friends called me parky

3: Zodiac sign? - libra

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? - i’ve never been too good at video games (but i like watching ppl playing them) and i’ve only ever had a wii so my sims kingdom was a favorite of mine

5: Book/series I reread? - divergent and pjo

6: Aliens or ghosts? - yes

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? - @kata-chthonia

8: Favourite radio station? - 103.3 fm, although i mostly listen to spotify now

9: Favourite flavour of anything? - grape and blue raspberry

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? - great or cool

11: Favourite song? - a to b by matt hires

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? - it usually has to do with what drew me to them in the first place followed up by a version ‘why do you think that?’ i like knowing how ppl think bc it gives me a better way to start understand their view

13: Favourite word? - aurora

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? - i can’t really remember, so i dont know what that says :/

15: Last song I listened to? - serial killer by moncrieff

16: TV show I always recommend? - dexter or if they don’t like blood and violence, any of john mulaneys specials

17: Pirates or ninjas? - i liked pirates when i was younger, but ninjas are cool

18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? - any studio ghibli or song of the sea

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? - lately its been SLUT by bea miller

20: Favourite video games? - i really love boderlands, the art style is great

21: What am I most afraid of? - snakes and failing at something i’ve been saying that i wanted to do my entire life

22: A good quality of mine? - im nice??

23: A bad quality of mine? - im a bit aggressive and im really blunt about things

24: Cats or dogs? - dogs!! I like cats too but i dont know how to interact with them

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? - he’s a voice actor, but crispin freeman is really cool!

26: Favourite season? - fall and spring

27: Am I in a relationship? - yeah, but it’s long distance during the school year ;-;

28: Something I miss? - my boi,, he’ll be back soon tho

29: My best friend? @keencheckerboard and @memeathon

30: Eye colour? - brown

31: Hair colour? - brown with red and blonde highlights

32: Someone I love? - my mom

33: Someone I trust? - @keencheckerboard

34: Someone I always think about? - @memeathon

35: Am I excited about anything? - finals to be over!

36: My current obsession? - bnha tbh

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? - i loved avatar and ed, edd, and eddy

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? - to an extent, but i dont tell them /every/thing

39: Am I superstitious? - kind of

40: What do I think about most? - right now, school

41: Do I have any strange phobias? - not really, i mean i overthink a lot of things, but there’s no phobias

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? - drawing/reading/writing/sleeping

44: Last book I read? - i think it was called stung, i actually finished it bc i wanted to complain about it properly

45: Last film I watched? - dumbo, my friend wanted to go see it, it wasnt good

46: Do I play any instruments? - i played clarinet for 3 years

47: Favourite animal? - dogs

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? - @wemakuu @wemakuutwo @keencheckerboard @memeathon @kata-chthonia

49: Superpower I wish I could have? - teleportation

50: How do I destress? - getting cozy and warm under my blankets with the lights off

51: Do I like confrontation? - i can be aggressive so i will be confrontational if i have to but i don’t go out of my way for it

52: When do I feel most at peace? - in my bed with the lights off

53: What makes me smile? - my friends, my boi, and goofy animal videos

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? - gotta be pitch black

55: Play any sports? - i played roller derby for 3 years

56: What is my song of the week? - really feeling be by hozier

57: Favourite drink? - …..water…. and a slushee

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? - i think last summer???

59: Afraid of heights? - nope

60: Pet peeve? - slow walkers

61: What was the last concert I went to see? - does my high school’s band count???

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? - nah

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? - ob nurse, i still do

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? - no, i’ve had ppl i tolerated turn into ppl i hate tho

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? - bhna, but i feel the hero drama would get annoying after awhile

66: Something I worry about? - failing my classes

67: Scared of the dark? - nope

68: Who are my best friends? - this is the same as 29

69: What do I admire most about others? - their drive and where their motivation comes from

70: Can I sing? - no ;-;

71: Something I wish I could do? - sing

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? - pay off my loans and (hopefully) for the rest of my college and then put whatever i had left into a savings account

73: Have I ever skipped school? - yes

74: Favourite place on the planet? - i think the smoky mountains are really pretty and i loved vacationing around them, but colorado was really neat too, so probs one of those places

75: Where do I want to live? - somewhere on the northeast coast!

76: Do I have any pets? - yeah!! He’s a doggo named dageus,,,, here he is,, the big boi!! (hes 121 pounds of love!!!!!)

77: What is my current desktop picture? - something @memeathon drew me

78: Early bird or night owl? - night owl

79: Sunsets or sunrise? - im usually awake during sunset, but sunrise is really pretty

80: Can I drive? - yeah!

81: Story behind my last kiss? - i was saying bye to my boi at the airport

82: Earphones or headphones? - earphones

83: Have I ever had braces? - yeah,, they weren’t fun

84: Story behind one of my scars? - i have a couple little ones from acne on my back but other than that i don’t have any

85: Favourite genre of music? - i think indie rock?? Is that a genre?? Punk maybe????

86: Who is my hero? - florence nightingale,, she was hella cool and i went to her museum in london

87: Favourite comic book character? - i didn’t read a lot of comic books but i always liked spiderman and witchblade

88: What makes me really angry? - when ppl make fun of my friends >:l

89: Kindle or real book? - i like real books but ebooks are nice for traveling!!

90: Favourite sporty activity? - roller derby or skating

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? - im not really sure what this question means????? But i didn’t like that in my middle school that the behavior coach(es) would already pick sides or would already hate kids that did nothing wrong and then in my high school no one cleaned up after themselves bc ‘the janitors can do it’ :/ it was really annoying

92: What was my favourite subject at school? - english/creative writing and art!!

93: Siblings? - i got an older brother who’s a big nerd

94: What was the last thing I bought? - i went to target last night and i got $68 worth of stuff including planty stuff, food, and gift stuff for my boyfriend’s moms

95: How tall am I? - 5’6” but i will not hesitate bitch

96: Can I cook? - yeah!

97: Can I bake? - yeah!

98: 3 things I love? - my friends/family, animals, and plants

99: 3 things I hate? - slow walkers, rasict/homo/trans/biphobic (anyone who just hates ppl for no reason tbh), and rude ppl >:l

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? - more girl friends,,, i’ve kinda lost contact with most of my guy friends over the years,,,,

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? - i feel more comfortable around other girls now but when i was younger i was okay with everyone

102: Where was I born? - in the cornfields of the midwest (i fucking hate this state)

103: Sexual orientation? - straight

104: Where do I currently live? - in the cornfields of the midwest, i am the creature you’re warned about, don’t walk alone at night

105: Last person I texted? - @memeathon : D

106: Last time I cried? - yesterday,,, finals hit me hard but i feel better now :D

107: Guilty pleasure? - uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,, looking at gross stuff,,, like surgeries and sometimes those pimple popping videos,,,,,,,,

108: Favourite Youtuber? - i’ve been watching a lot of gordon ramsay videos lately but i think brandon rogers or sovietwomble are up there

109: A photo of myself. - heres one i took on my break at work

110: Do I like selfies? - no,,, i don’t really like looking back on photos of myself bc i think i just look weird,, like even in my super nice senior photos,,, or baby pictures,,

111: Favourite game app? - does neko astsume count???

112: My relationship with my parents? - it’s p good :D

113: Favourite accents? - i’m not really sure,,, i think just a flat accent, like midwestern bc its the one im most familiar with so its like homey???????

114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? - japan,, nowhere in specific i just want to see the country

115: Favourite number? - 23!!!!

116: Can I juggle? - no

117: Am I religious? - im a polytheist (a bad one, but oh well)

118: Do I like space? - i love space!!!! Its so neat!!!!!!

119: Do I like the deep ocean? - no!!! Its awful!!!!

120: Am I much of a daredevil? - i think my friends think i am, but i dont really think so, i mean i’ll try anything if it sounds fun, but not everything

121: Am I allergic to anything? - not that i know of

122: Can I curl my tongue? - yes

123: Can I wiggle my ears? - no

124: Do I like clowns? - not really

125: The Beatles or Elvis? - a little bit of each

126: My current project? - my creative writing portfolio ;-; its not that hard but im trying to figure out how to get this character right

127: Am I a bad loser? - depends on what i lost in, like if it was a game i didn’t really care about than no, but if it was something that i cared about a lot than yeah

128: Do I admit when I wrong? - i always try to, but sometimes i don’t

129: Forest or beach? - forest,, i don’t like the beach,, too much sand

130: Favourite piece of advice? - it’s not really advice but just the reminder that your current situation is not your final destination

131: Am I a good liar? - i think so

132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? - slytherin (its funny bc im scared of snakes)/ dauntless/ and i think district 6 (i live in the crossroads of america so yeah)

133: Do I talk to myself? - all the fucking time

134: Am I very social? - sometimes, i am kinda a social introvert

135: Do I like gossip? - i like to hear it but not be part of it

136: Do I keep a journal/diary? - i have a bullet journal and i try to keep up with my habit and mood tracker daily

137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? - no, but i have gotten like high d’s and low c’s before that make me sad

138: Do I believe in second chances? - depends on what they messed up on the first chance, like if someone cheated then no

139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? - i would like to say that i would return it with no money taken, but im just not sure :/

140: Do I believe people are capable of change? - yeah, if they’re really trying and realize that they need to, but even if they do change i know not everyone will accept them back into their lives and it shouldn’t be expected that they should after someone changes for the better

141: Have I ever been underweight? - no

142: Am I ticklish? - very and i have this weird tactile thing thats like i dont like ppl lightly touching me, it freaks me out

143: Have I ever been in a submarine? - no

144: Have I ever been on a plane? - yes!! I love flying!! Its so much fun!!

145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? - uhhhh,, im going to go by face,, i think for me - shailene woodley bc when she had her short hair ppl told me i looked like her @meme - liana liberato, she got the round face @keen - winona ryder (but back in beetlejuice) boyfriend - tucker west, i know he’s not an actor but he looks so much like him,,,, also it took me forever just to find these guys so im not finding family :p

146: Have I ever been overweight? - no

147: Do I have any piercings? - i have my ears pierced!

148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? - hari jurono,,, i love him ;-;

149: Do I have any tattoos? - no, but i already have some picked out that i want

150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? - ummmm??? Im not sure?????

151: Do I believe in Karma? - yeah

152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? - contacts during the day and glasses at night

153: What was my first car? - i have a subaru crosstrek named inko!!! I love her!!

154: Do I want children? - no

155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? - my mom tbh,,, shes really smart

156: My most embarrassing memory? - omfg,, so this goes to show how oblivious i am about social interactions, but it was my first week in college and this junior was talking to me and i didnt realize he was flirting with me until after we traded snapchats and he left, so i panicked and never said anything to him again and blocked him

157: What makes me nostalgic? - when i walk around my neighborhood sometimes (i live near the preschool i went to) and i was over at my elementary school almost a year ago now, but i remember walking down the hall and seeing all the different teachers there now and it made me sad

158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? - yes, just last week

159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? - brains

160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? - darker colors like black and blue, but im trying to get lighter ones in there too

161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? - yes, many times, but the one that sticks out to me is that one night i woke up at like 5 am for no reason, but i was just suddenly wide awake and something felt off, so i was trying to get comfy again and flipped over on my other side so i was facinging the door into my room instead of my wall and in front of my door was a tall black figure with red eyes staring at me and when i blinked it went away,, now i know this can be explained by some other things but with my family it seems more likely to be paranormal

162: What do I hate most about myself? - uhh, i procrastinate way too much

163: What do I love most about myself? - i always support my friends

164: Do I like adventure? - depends on the adventure,,, i like traveling, but not too much walking bc i have bad knees

165: Do I believe in fate? - not really

166: Favourite animal? - question 47

167: Have I ever been on radio? - no, but i was on my school’s announcements and i hated it

168: Have I ever been on TV? - no

169: How old am I? - 19

170: One of my favourite quotes? - “The Gods envy us. They envy us because we’re mortal, because any moment could be our last. Everything is more beautiful because we’re doomed”

171: Do I hold grudges? - im petty

172: Do I trust easily? - no,, im just cautious around ppl bc i just don’t know them

173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? - some of them

174: Best gift I’ve ever received? - im not too sure,,, i got a p cool backpack for my birthday tho that i use everyday

175: Do I dream? - yeah, cant remember too many tho

176: Have I ever had a night terror? - no??

177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? - can’t remember a lot after i wake up, but i just recently had one with some bnha characters in it, i can’t remember what happened, i just know that they were there

178: An experience that has made me stronger? - i know this might sound a bit morbid, but my aunt’s funeral, it was the first funeral i went to where i understood what was happening and it made me more open to learning and accepting death

179: If I were immortal, what would I do? - want to fucking die,,, i’ve never understood ppl who are scared of dying/want to live forever,, like why would you want that??? What’s the point??? You’ll just watch everyone you love die,,, i know it’s going to be hard on me when that happens to my closer family members, but even the new ppl you befriend,, i just couldn’t

180: Do I like shopping? - yeas

181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? - tax evasion

182: What does “family” mean to me? - the ppl who i care about deeply and who love me, not all of them are blood related and not all the blood related ones are part of it

183: What is my spirit animal? - idk?????? Maybe a turtle???

184: How do I want to be remembered? - tbh, i don’t really want to be remembered

185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? - drawing

186: What is my greatest failure? - im not sure

187: What is my greatest achievement? - uhh, i feel like its hard to point at a specific point and be like “that was the best thing i could have done, if i didn’t do that i wouldn’t be who i am today”

188: Love or money? - money

189: Love or career? - career

190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? - probably to some point in the future,, i dont know where tho

191: What makes me the happiest? - the ppl i care about being happy

192: What is “home” to me? - the house i currently live in,, my family is here and im surrounded by ppl i love,, it’ll probably change with time, but for now its here

193: What motivates me? - spite

194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? - it’s important to keep moving forward, don’t let the past hold you down

195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? - kind of, i think it would be p cool

196: A movie that scared me as a child? - it wasn’t a movie but i know the animated wolf from peter and the wolf freaked me out

197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? - i hated mushrooms, but i love them now

198: Zombies or vampires? - vampires

199: Live in the city or suburbs? - suburbs super close to city

200: Dragons or wizards? - DRAGONS

201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? - its silly but when i was younger it would be my mom and i going to the mall downtown and the escalators were missing the part that connected them to the floor so you had to hop over it and when we would get to the 4th floor i would miss the jump and fall

202: How do I define love? - i know a lot of ppl are like “i would die for you or kill for you” something along those lines but i think it’s more living for someone, wanting to see them accomplish everything they wanted, being there for them during their lows203: Do I judge a book by its cover? - yeah, i wont pick up something that doesnt catch my eye

204: Have I ever had my heart broken? - no

205: Do I like my handwriting? - yeah!! Its loopy

206: Sweet or savoury? - sweet

207: Worst job I’ve had? - ive liked all the jobs ive had

208: Do I collect anything? no

209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? - a hoodie/sweater of some kind

210: What is on my bucket list? - going to greece

211: How do I handle anger? - i usually rant for a bit, maybe cry to get the extra hormones out, maybe break something

212: Was I named after anyone? - no, but i did have the same name as my great grandma

213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? - yes

214: What TV character am I most like? - im been watching bnha a lot so i think either kirishima or uraraka

215: What is the weirdest talent I have? - i can cross my eyes and then move one of them

216: Favourite fictional character? - ,,,,, im not sure,, i really love eric from divergent

[kiwisimie]

𝐆𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐨 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐌𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐠 !! 

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

TRAITS: loner, music lover, clumsy

tagged by: the great @honeybeqr

✩ QUESTIONS 1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? um just esther is fine 2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? mum, wife, goldfish, and esti 3. BIRTHDAY? 3rd july 4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? um I don’t really read series but princess diaries and dork diaries are pretty fun 5.  DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? honestly idk like I believe in the after life and there kinda has to something out there 6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? rainbow rowell 7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? I always force my dad to play capital when i’m in his car sooooo I guess its capital (?) 8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? vanilla and chocolate ( cant go wrong with the classics ) 9. WHAT WORD OR PHRASE WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? cool, good, um great as you can see my vocabulary isn’t that advanced 10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? japanese denim - Daniel Caesar, closely followed by broke - samm hemshaw 11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? pueblo, it means village/town in spanish 12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? i’m listening to the schuyler sisters as I write this 13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? modern family and the simspons 14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? the princess and the frog, it has good songs 15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? not really i’m more of a lets play watcher 16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? disappointing people and death 17.  WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? i’m very empathetic/sympathetic, I try to see things from the person’s perspective 18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I tend to shut down a lot and just hide away suddenly 19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I guess dogs but i’m not really an animal person 20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer for sure 21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? with stress? yes 22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? being able to fluently speak french 23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? um next 24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? dark brown 25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? its really dark brown so it just looks black 26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my family 27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? once again me family 28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my friends 29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? the half term 30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? fanfics, kpop, bullet journals and stationary ( an odd combo of things I know ) 31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? totally spies, les zinzins de l'espace, and ratz 32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? my brother, he’s a real g 33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? not really 34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I cant with butterflies I panic a bit when they fly near me 35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? I like having the memories when i’m in front of it but I do like being behind it 36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? playing instruments, reading and making sims 37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? fangirl by rainbow rowell thoroughly enjoyed it 38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? the greatest showman I think 39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? piano, some chords on ukulele and guitar, i’ve been taking violin lessons, and I have a clarinet from school that I have yet to play seriously 40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? any baby animal is my favourite animal 41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? anyone that posts is amazing 42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? teleportation because i’m a lazy bugger 43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in bed listening to music or reading 44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? memes that my friends send me and being with people 45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I play for my school’s football and netball team and we do loads of different sports during lessons 46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? orange juice 47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I wrote little messages in all the Christmas cards I gave out last year 48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? I don’t think so, ooo do I love the feeling when you’re in a plane and your stomach does that thing when it goes down a bit ( I probably sound crazy ) 49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? ermmm slow walkers and being late for no reason 50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? no :( I really wanted to go to love yourself tour but I couldn’t get a ticket 51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? I don’t think I could ever 52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? an Olympian, still lowkey want to be one 53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN?  all of them 54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? exams and nearing everything I say and do ( I am a very anxious child ) 55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? kinda 56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yes but i’m definitely not talented so you’re not hearing that any time soon 57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? not without informing the school because i’m a good child 58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? good question 59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? in a city that’s maybe in another country 60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? no and i’ve never had one 61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL?  a bit of both I think 62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunrise, gotta love golden hour 63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? no as I am underaged 64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? depends on where I am and what i’m doing 65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? no but like all of my friends have 66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? there is a wide variety 67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? mi madre 68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? do webtoons and mangas count? 69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? how ignorant someone people are 70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? definitely real books, I have brought a couple 71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? music and maths 72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? yeah I have an older sister, two older brothers and a little sister 73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? tipp-ex, a clip-on light and a new moisturiser 74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 169cm whatever that is in inches 75. CAN YOU COOK? only like the basic things 76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? family, friends and clothes 77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? CUCUMBERS and AVOCADOS 78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? my closer friends are basically all female 79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? i’m your everyday heterosexual 80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? in the east of england 81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? my mum 82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a few days when I went to went to watch the curious incident of the dog in the night-time ( that show was a lot to handle ) 83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? bestdressed I love her personality and her sense of style 84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? occasionally 85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tumblr, youtube, google keep and huji 86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? we are get along nicely 87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? I don’t really have a favourite I find them all pretty entertaining 88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? italy 89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 6 and 3 90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? unfortunately I am not that talented 91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? yes 92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? we always watch documentaries about the deep ocean in science lessons and that’s always interesting 93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? hecc no 94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? i’m like 99% i’m not 95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes 96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? when I raise my eyebrows they move 97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? more often then I would like 98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forests 99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? ‘if you mess up no one’s going to notice unless you allow them to notice it’ my music teachers always say that for performances 100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I think I can be pretty convincing 101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Hufflepuff! 102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? all the time, it helps me sort out my thoughts and explain things to myself 103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? I am an introvert ( big surprise there ) and my personality type is isfj 104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yes but i’ve always been inconsistent with it 105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? yes 106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? give it to some sort of authority ( like a teacher or the police ) 107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? sure 108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? very 109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes and I love them 110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? just my ears 111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? baz and simon ( that’s two I know ) 112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? no 113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? applying for literally everything 114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? not really 115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? I have glasses and I want contacts for when I do sports 116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? at some point in my life, yes 117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? I know a lot of people that are smart in different areas of life 118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? don’t really want that  on the internet 119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER?  I always end up falling asleep 120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? white, black, a lot of yellow, and red ( I have a lot more colour then I used to ) 121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yes 122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? no but my school has been 123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 14 124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? ’ good-night, helen’ the only part of jane eyre I liked 125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? depends on my mood I encourage anyone how wants to do this to go for it :)

[pink-chevalier]

GET TO KNOW ME TAG 

Thank you @omiscanking for tagging me! <3 (Sorry I did this so late, hunny!)

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions! PS: My simself is so damn pretty while I’m here looking like trash. 

Tags: @cosmic-espie @purplesimmer455 @stucksimming @cloud-9-sims @enniewritesathing @99simproblems @aboxfullofocs (If you were tagged and already did this I am so sorry!)

If you want read about me, all a&q before the cut!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Chanel

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? None

3. BIRTHDAY? October 12

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I regret reading more fanfictions then books now. I don’t think it was a series, but I could be wrong. I read something called Evermore. 

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Both.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? I don’t have one. I tend to just read books.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Don't have any.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Strawberry or Chocolate. 

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? “This is fucking amazing!”

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? One Hundred Sleepless Nights by Pierce the Veil.

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Goddamn it.

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? The opening song to season one of Tokyo Ghoul.

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? I don’t really watch TV as much as I used to.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? Hercules and Mulan. 

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? I play tons of video games. 

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? That something could be lurking in the dark. It gets super dark in my apartment, and I'm scared that something or someone could be in here without my knowledge.

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? How nice I am. 

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? I can't make a damn decision to save my life. 

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? I lean towards the dog side. 

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Fall. It's not too cold, and it's not too hot. 

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? I'm single as all hell. 

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? Not having to worry about the future as much and stressing over debt. I miss just playing with my friends and thinking that long division was hard. 

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Stuffy (nickname). We met in high school, and we stuck together like glue. 

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Dark Brown. 

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Very dark brown, almost black. 

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? I love my family, my friends, the simblr community. 

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? My best friend. 

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? now, a good friend who passed away this year…

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? For one of my French classes, we're going to take a trip to Canada so I'm super excited about that. 

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Tumblr!

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? I have two: Courage the Cowardly Dog and TMNT.

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? One of my cousins. 

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Just a tiny little bit. 

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Roaches. I will set my whole damn apartment on fire if I ever find big ass roach just crawling around like it owns the damn place. 

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Behind it. 

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Writing and working on my queue. 

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?  The Odyssey

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Aquaman!

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? Snare drum.

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Wolves.

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? I have too many that I follow (stalk). 

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? Time Travel.

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? In the shower or just laying down in bed under a ton of blankets. 

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? A lot of things. If my baby cousin does something cute, my dog being silly, or something stupid my best friend and I did while playing a game. 

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I'm not good at sports. 

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Strawberry Soda. 

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? Before the winter vacation, my friend and I were passing notes to each other. 

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Depends on how high up I am. 

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? When people are in my damn way even when I said excuse me.

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? Nope.

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope.

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? I think I wanted to be either a fireman or president.

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? I can’t think of any off of the top of my head. 

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? I worry about a lot of things.

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I'm scared of what's inside the dark. 

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? Yup.

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? Yup.

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? My bedroom.

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Somewhere in France, England, California, Greece, Italy or Japan. 

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? Just a sassy little dog. 

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Night owl. 

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Both are so pretty. 

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Nope. 

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Headphones.

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nope.

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? Anything rock. 

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? My mother. 

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Sometimes.

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? How stupid some people can be. 

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Both are fine. But, I tend to spend more time on my phone, so I guess an electronic device. 

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English Class. (Mostly for the books)

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? I am an only child. 

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A jacket. 

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′5

75. CAN YOU COOK? I'm okay at cooking, but if you want me to bake you something I'm your girl!

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? My dog, my sims, and my friends/family.

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Stupid/rude people, roaches, and killers on dead by daylight that rage quit.

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? I have more female friends.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? Straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? New York City.

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? My best friend. 

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I think it was during finals. 

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? I have too many. 

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? Depends.

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? YouTube.

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? It's amazing.

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? British. 

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Japan, Greece, England, France, Italy, and Cuba. 

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 12

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? I wish!

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Nope. 

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? The Deep Ocean. Not going to lie I won't be surprised if we find some damn alien species in the ocean. 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? Meh.

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? Yeah. Octopus. 

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yeah. 

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Nope. 

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? A lot, but I don't say oh I was wrong, I always say "Wait, no, I'm a fucking liar, I lied to you."

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest. I'm not a beach person. 

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? Focus on being happy.

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I don't really know. God, I hope not. 

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? I don't have one... I'm sorry.

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Yup. 

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert.

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I used to when I was younger. 

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? Yeah, but it depends on what was done. 

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? This actually happened to me once, and I ended up returning it to the person.

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? If someone really wants to change then, they can change, so in a sense, yes, I believe people can change. 

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Too ticklish. 

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Yup.

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? Yeah, my ears are pierced, my grandmother actually did them when I was a baby. 

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Caleb Vatore hehe

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Not really.

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? First is making this simblr because I met some pretty nice people here even though I’m too shy for my own good. And second becoming a French minor, I love it so much. 

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? Hell yeah

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? Glasses all day every day. (I have an intense fear of sticking things in my eyes)

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Yeah, but in the future.  

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My mother

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? 

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? Too many times. 

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOUR CLOTHES? Black, White, Pink, Yellow, Grey, Red, and Blue.

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Depends on the adventure. 

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Nope

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 24

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “Don't abuse someone's kindness. Remember, even in every angel, a demon hides."

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Sweet.