#how is it that my discomfort about college people spreads like a cancer

[latkejoon]

losing my goddamn mind. want to erase my college experiences eternal sunshine style

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (10)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,7K

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Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Updates: Tuesdays [Today I’m posting it a little bit earlier just because] [Also, I have up to chap 12 written but I’ve been blocked/busy to write. I already started chap 13 but the updates may be changed in the future]

Tagging: @aliceu @thatrandomoneinthecorner  @channiewoo

                                               /////

     “Holy Shit!” You sputtered, stumbling over your feet.

      Chan’s arm immediately wrapped around your waist, steading you as you tried to support yourself on the wall; eyes wide like saucers and mouth agape, utterly surprised by the scene you ran into so early in the morning. Hyunjin rubbed his eyes, dragged steps trying to bring him to the living room to check what startled you and Chan that much.

    “Holy shit!” He blurted out, suddenly looking awake. You would have laughed at him in other circumstances but right now you could only focus on Paris and Han sleeping together on the couch. Their bodies were covered with a thick blanket, and you could only hope for them to be fully dressed under there.

    Actually, that was kind of cute.

    As soon as the shock dissolved, you took in the scene. Though the blanket didn’t allow you to see much, you assumed Paris was lying right on top of Han, head resting on the crook of his neck. She nuzzled him, nose rubbing against his neck, which made him squirm a little bit, humming as he adjusted himself, probably hugging her under the sheets. You gave them a small smile, looking at Chan and Hyunjin with soft eyes.

    “Don’t look at me like this, you’re going to clean that couch if his butt touched my cushion” Chan hissed, arms untangling from your waist. He made his way to the kitchen, looking for something to eat “We don’t have anything for breakfast…” He sighed, looking at Hyunjin.

    “I didn’t think about it” He shrugged, and Chan pursed his lips, nodding in disappointment.

    “Of course you didn’t” He rolled his eyes, straightening himself and closing the refrigerator “I guess I’ll order something before we wake them up” He looked at you in doubt, wondering if it was a good plan. You frowned, looking at him in shock.

    “Why the fuck you’re going to order breakfast? Are you nuts?” You scoffed, studying your outfit. Sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt. Good enough to go get some stuff “I’m going to buy something real quick” You offered, heading to the door.

    “By yourself?” Hyunjin asked surprised. You arched your brow, looking at him in question “No, I mean… Shouldn’t one of us go with you? Actually, just let us order something, it’ll be way easier” He rambled. You sighed, rolling your eyes before looking at Chan.

     “I’ll be back in a min—“ Your answer was abruptly cut off by a startled Paris. She shrieked, floundering to lift her body, completely embarrassed by the situation. You assumed her attempt to lift her body wasn’t really gentle to Han’s torso, because he shut his eyes open, coughing and trying to move, startled by whatever was happening, which just served to drop Paris to the ground.

    She ended up dragging the blanket with her, uncovering Han to display a fully dressed boy with a damn hangover. He shoots his hand to his eyes, covering them in an attempt to make the light less painful, uncovering the next second to check what was the soft thud followed by a whine that reached his ears. He lifted himself just a little bit, looking to the ground, being greeted by a huge blanket covering something unknown to him.

    “What the actual fuck?” He muttered, covering his eyes again, trying to sit up. The whine came right away. He curled himself on the couch, bringing his knees closer to his chest and holding his head as he rested his forehead on his knee, utterly done with the day.

    Paris wasn’t much better.

    She got rid of the blankets, upset by her fall, a frown carved on her face. She cupped her temples, lips quirking down, another whine leaving her lips as she probably realized she had a hangover. She mimicked Han, curling up and shielding her eyes from the light.

    “Everything good?” You checked, and both of them hissed at you, complaining you were too loud. You sighed, looking at Chan “Do you happen to have some med?” You asked, feeling too young to be the mother of both of your friends. You glanced over at them, snorting as you studied their exact same antics, finding it kind of amusing.

   Chan made his way back to his room, going to look for some pills, and you stood there watching Han and Paris whining like kids. You chuckled before looking at Hyunjin, who seemed quite amused at the situation himself. You approached him, nudging his side.

   “They’re so gonna die of embarrassment later” You grinned, and this time he giggled, nodding and crossing his arm.

    “I’m not going to let them live it down” He promised.

                                                              ////

    “Well, that’s all for today” Mr.Lee announced, standing up before looking around the class. You closed your notebook, shoving it into your bag like everybody else, hoisting your bag over your shoulder to get up but sitting back as Mr.Lee raised his hand, asking silently for all of you to stay a little bit more “Before you all go, I want to ask for feedback about your essay. As you may know, it was the first time I gave you an essay like this, so… Well, I guess I want to hear you out”    

    “I think it was pretty invasive” Someone raised their hand, stiffly exposing their opinion “Also, we could have more time… It’s not exactly easy to put all your life in someone’s hand when you don’t know them” You nodded in agreement. Although you had ended up with Paris and Hyunjin, you could imagine how hard it was for the groups who didn’t know each other.

    Embarrassing, to say the least.

    “I agree” Someone else raised their hand, boldly crossing their arms right after, a challenging look across their face “How were we supposed to give all our lives to someone to discuss when we didn’t even know this person? We had two weeks to know one another… It’s not like we can just trust people like this” It was a good point. You looked at Mr.Lee, who hummed, nodding at the input.

   “I’ll admit that this was one of my goals” He said, thoughtfully grabbing his chin “The whole point was to put all of you on the spot, just like a patient feels when they go to therapy. I understand it’s hard… Also, in therapy, you have the law beside you stating the psychologist can’t spread your life around… But the vulnerability itself was my point” He seemed pleased with their discomfort, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

   You never felt as vulnerable as you felt talking about yourself and your family issues with Paris. If that was the whole point, he did an amazing job embarrassing you all. You looked at Paris, narrowing your eyes as you pondered his arguments. Indeed, even if she was a “psychologist” to the project, she also had to put her story in both your hand and Hyunjin’s, so she was on spot too, even if she didn’t need to discuss it with you.

    There was no one to be saved there.

   “Let me ask you this… How many of our fake psychologists think they had a positive impact on your group?” He looked around and so did you. Some people raised their hands, including Paris, who smiled proudly, chest puffed out “Now, how many of you think that impact could replace a real therapy?” You looked around again.

    Not one hand raised.

    “Good, good” He said softly, nodding in approval “You aren’t psychologists and therapy is way different than this activity. I want you guys to understand that it’s hard to open up and you, as a psychologist, won’t be the only one studying what is right in front of you… Patients are logical and judging human beings like all of us. They can and will study you” He walked around, hands to his back, watching all of you “They know you are analyzing them and they will choose you based on something. It can be your empathy, it can be your responsiveness to them, it can be the apparent lack of judgment… It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that none of you are better than them, and the sooner you realize it, the better”

    You took in everything he said.

     He was good.

     “Lastly, who would consider going to a therapist after all the debates you guys did for this project?” You raised your hand immediately, looking around to see if anyone else would raise their hands. To your surprise, a lot of people did, such as Hyunjin, who didn’t seem too comfortable to raise it fully in the air, shyly letting his hand hover over his lowered head.

     Your eyes met Paris, hands rested on her lap.

     Really?

    Mr.Lee finally waved his hands dismissively, allowing all of you to go. You got up again, followed by Paris and Hyunjin – and all of your classmates, eager to just go anywhere else –, hoisting your bag over your shoulder and heading to the stairs. You risked a glance at Paris before clearing your throat.

    “No therapist?” You asked curiously, and she gave you an amused look, chuckling.

     “Why? Do you think I need it or something? I think I’m pretty well by myself” She sounded placid, her face totally at ease, as if she didn’t give much thought to your question. You shrugged casually studying your surroundings before returning your gaze to her.

     “Well, we all need someone to talk to” You said hesitantly, and she eyed you weirdly, ready to confront you. Before she could say anything, though, Hyunjin joined the conversation. He had a teasing smirk adorning his lips, a mischievous glint on his eyes warned both of you about his intentions.

     “She already has someone, right, Paris?” She rolled her eyes, groaning and throwing her head back as if she could ask God to take him away at any moment now “I just don’t know if they talk much… I’m sure as hell they cuddle a lot, though” You chuckled, shaking your head amused by him. Paris blushed, gaze fixed on the ground.

    “She won’t even say anything! I guess she just fell like this” You joked, getting an approving nod from Hyunjin. He looked proudly at you, glad to know you were going to join him in annoying her “I’ve heard you and Han have a project together this week” You grinned, making her scoff and push you lightly, holding the strap of her bag tightly before looking at you.

    “Yeah, I kinda told you that yesterday” She pointed out sarcastically “Really, guys… Will you ever let it go? I was drunk” She gave you her puppy eyes, which normally would have some effect on you but not today. You chuckled, nudging her too, smirking as you saw her pointed look at you, grumpily waiting for whatever you had to say.

  “Please!” You rolled your eyes “Even in your drunkest days you never woke up on top of me!” You accused, and she groaned again, clutching her cheeks and pulling them down. Hyunjin chuckled at her reaction before nudging her, pointing ahead to the stairs.

   “Oh, look! Boyfriend is waiting for you” He teased, pointing to Han, who waited for you on the stairs, nervously gripping his backpack’s straps. Paris shouted to get his attention out of habit, which just intensified your teasing until you got next to him. You and Hyunjin smirked at him as soon as you reached him, throwing him a suggestive look.

    “What’s up?” He tried to break the ice, blushing as his eyes darted between you and Paris before setting on Hyunjin “Is he going to stick with us from now on?” He asked displeased, and you were prepared to send Hyunjin away so you could head to the dining hall but Hyunjin interrupted you before you could say it.

    “Rude” He pointed out “As far as I remember, you came along to my house, and I even let you sleep on my couch with my girl” He joked. You and Paris chuckled, though she whined right after, knowing she wouldn’t be able to live it down so soon. Han seemed to blush harder─ which didn’t seem even possible─ and cleared his throat before grimacing at Hyunjin.

    “First of all, She’s not your girl” His tone was kinda threatening, and you had to fight back a smile as you glanced at a blushing Paris beside you “And what was I supposed to do? Let them with a dick like you?” He challenged, puffing his chest and trying to look more intimidating. Hyunjin scoffed at him, looking down at his eyes and grimacing.

   “I wasn’t the one who woke up drunk with someone on the couch” He sneered, stepping ahead to approach him, getting just a few inches away from Han “I don’t think you’re in any position to call me a dick” You darted your eyes between the two boys, worried. The tension built up to the point the four of you got silent, looking warily to each other, swallowing dry and clearing your throats once in a while.

    “You know what? We’re getting late to our lunch with Chan” You blurted out, locking your arm with Hyunjin’s, who gave you an astonished look. You gave a tight smile to your friends, ignoring the distressed look you got from Han and the confused frown Paris shot your way “See you guys later! Bye!” You waved your hand, dragging Hyunjin along with you hurriedly.

    “I’m sorry but what the fuck?!” Hyunjin looked at your arms locked, brows knitting together as he looked at them incredulously “I don’t recall Chan saying anything about a lun—“ You glanced back to make sure Paris and Han wouldn’t be looking at you, dropping his arm and interrupting him immediately.

    “I don’t want you guys to fight” You waved dismissively “Also, it’s better if they got some alone time together, don’t you think?” You snorted. He hummed in agreement, straightening up and peeking at you.

   “So… Where are we going to eat?” He asked curiously, shoving his hands on his pockets casually, tilting his head to observe you.

   “What do you mean?” You scoffed, arching your brows amused. He rolled his eyes, gesturing to the dining hall impatiently.

   “Well, Chan didn’t invite us to eat so I’m assuming you’ll eat somewhere else since your friends will be there” He wagged his hand, looking at you as if you were dumb. You nodded slowly, realizing he was right.

   “I didn’t really think it through” You admitted “I can go anywhere else, that’s not a problem… One day won’t make such a difference to my final budget” You shrugged, and he nodded back, uncomfortable. You arched your brow, nodding your head in question.

   “So… That’s it” He raised his hand to wave you goodbye, stiffly standing in front of you “See you around” And that being said, both of you parted your ways.

                                                                      ////

    Wednesday was a lonely day.

    By now, you were used to having lunch by yourself and go back home to enjoy your few hours before your shift. You always treasured these two hours. It was the time you had to stay in silence, peacefully laid down on your bed, or stressfully trying to put up with your assignments.

    Usually, you didn’t open the door to find Paris and Han on the couch, though.

    “Oh?” You let out, clearly confused. Han held the guitar to his torso, looking down to the strings as he thought about something, humming as he heard Paris mumble. They raised their heads slowly, looking at you froze on the doorframe “I didn’t know you were going to be here… I just came to…” Your eyes wandered around the room, spotting your book on the table “To pick this up” You walked over to the table, smiling awkwardly before getting your book.

    “You’re going out?” Paris asked surprised. Of course, she did. She knew you liked to stay in your room at this time, even if she wasn’t home. You always beamed about your alone time on Wednesdays. You took quick steps to the door, nodding before your eyes roamed around the room, struggling to focus on them and hide your nervousness.

    “Hm… Yeah! I’m actually… I’m meeting up a friend” You stumbled around your words, letting out a fake giggle “To… Lend him this!” You raised your book, finally finding something to say “He asked me this book and I totally forgot to take it with me! Yep! That’s right” You smiled proudly, waving at them “Bye! Take your time together! See you later” You said as you closed the door behind you.

    You stood there in front of the door, blinking a few times before letting a sigh out. God, you were horrible at lying! You glanced at the door, holding the book close to your chest and ready to go to the only place you could go now that you expelled yourself from your room: The garden. You absolutely loved to lay there on the grass, watching as squirrels and birds passed by, afraid to get close to you.

    You let out a sigh.

    Definitely not your plan for the day but it would work.

    You made your way to your destination, calmly walking through the halls ─looking at the garden as you walked beside the arches, hand sliding through the baluster as you felt the soothing breeze huff your face ─, watching the green grass and the yellow flowers that you liked so much. You smiled as you watched a squirrel pick up something from the ground, quickly moving to hide it somewhere else. When it reached the tree it was aiming at, your eyes fell upon the guy who was resting there.

    It was Hyunjin.

    He seemed absorbed in his book, which was pretty surprising as you never pictured him as the reader type. Especially not an under-the-tree-reader kind of a guy. He was laid down on the grass, earbuds on and backpack supporting his head; one leg bent while the other one was straight, giving him a relaxed and composed look. As the treetop danced around with the wind, the filtered sunbeam danced around him too, making it look like there was the perfect spot to read a book.

    You averted your eyes to look around the place, noticing a few more people than usual hanging there. It wasn’t hard to notice most of them were girls simply admiring him while he was reading, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. As soon as you went down the stairs, finally getting to the grass, you made your way to him, ignoring the few pointed looks you received.

    “Hey, Hyunjin” You called but he didn’t answer.

    He must be really focused on his reading to not listen to your calling. You shadowed him, which appeared to get his attention, his startled eyes raising from the book to look at you. He took one of his earbuds out, hand hovering beside his ear as he held it, looking confused at you.

   “What are you doing here?” He asked surprised, raising his torso and sitting on the grass. He lifts his chin to look straight into your eyes, and you chuckled at his response.

    “Should I send you a warning every time I come to a public place?” You asked jokingly, and he let out a chuckle of his own, shaking his head in amusement. He closed his book mindlessly and you couldn’t help but be in stitches as you realized what happened right before your eyes.

    His phone slid from the book, and even though you couldn’t hear it, you could see the Drama playing on his screen. You covered your mouth, trying to muffle your laugh, and his eyes shot to his phone, cursing under his breath as he quickly took the phone from the ground, shoving it into his pocket. You pinched the bridge of your nose, squatting as you tried to recompose yourself, pointing out to his pockets.

    “I can’t…” You had to stop, gasping for air as you let another fit of laughter slip from your lips “… Believe you’re pretendi—“ Before you could end your sentence his hand shot to your mouth, cupping it. He jolted forwards, his other hand reaching for your nape so you wouldn’t go away from his grip and keep talking.

    “Shhh” He hissed, widening his eyes in a silent warning. You looked into his eyes, studying them until he realized what he was doing, letting go of you immediately. He looked away for a moment, seeming embarrassed before he shot you a smug look “Did you miss me or something?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes before sitting on the grass, legs crossed.

    “Yeah, that must be it” You scoffed, bracing yourself on your thighs “So…” You drew out, smirking as he looked at you annoyed, sensing you would mock him “Why are you here pretending to read… Political Science stuff?” You ended up confused, fixing the book so you could read its title.

    “Well, I’m a Political Science student” He pointed out as if it was obvious. You grimaced, flicking his book before nodding.

   “So you kinda should read it for real, hm?” You gave him a tight smile, and he snorted, nodding in agreement.

    “Okay, that’s fair enough” He shrugged “Just in case some Professor goes by… You know, I have to look smart to keep up my better-than-you facade” He smirked, expecting you to retort him or something but you just rolled your eyes again and pushed him lightly.

    “If you have the time to look like you’re better than me, you should start studying for real” You suggested, and this time he was the one who scoffed, tilting his head to the side before grinning obnoxiously.

    “Then I’d be way better than you and it would be too easy” He teased, grinning dissolving when you threw your head back groaning, making mention to get up. He grabbed your wrist, laughing “No, no, no! I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” He giggled, and you looked at him with narrowed eyes before settling back on the grass.

    “Well, what are you doing here after all?” You asked curiously, waving dismissively to his apologetic eyes. You liked to spend your time in the garden, so you’d know if he hung around your garden like this… You didn’t recall seeing him even once.

    “I come here on Wednesdays… I’m just waiting for my classes” He shrugged “What about you? I never saw you around here” He eyes you curiously, and you chuckled, hands going to the ground as you leaned slightly back, supporting yourself, straightening your legs.

    “I was going to rest before work but Paris and Han are at the dorms, so I figured I should leave them alone” You said, looking at him with a small smile. Hyunjin furrowed his brows, tilting his head to the side, confused. He waited for you to continue but you didn’t, so he frowned, deciding to speak up.

    “Okay?” He said warily “What about it?” You looked at him as if he needed a new brain, snorting before nudging him with your foot.

   “Well, They like each other so –“ Hyunjin interrupted you by chortling, looking at you as if you were a confused kid, fondly mocking you without a word. You tilted your head, confused by his reaction, waiting for his explanation.

    “You’re kidding, right?” He chuckled, looking at any signs of amusement on your face, which he didn’t find “No! Seriously?! It’s so damn obvious he likes you!” He seemed surprised by your obliviousness, and you laughed at his delusional self, shaking your head in amusement.

    “You’re crazy! He likes Paris for like… Years!” You retorted, rolling your eyes “Where did you even get that from?” You scoffed, and this time he leaned forward, legs crossed and hands fisting the grass lightly.

   “No, look… I’m sorry to break it to you but he likes you” He repeated himself, and you looked away in disbelief “No! Really! He doesn’t like Paris! Just think for a moment, Y/N! Why would he even come to punch me for thinking I made you cry?” He looked distressed, totally taken aback by the fact that you didn’t agree with him.

    “He’s my friend! Of course, he would get upset if he thought someone made me cry!” You rolled your eyes “He stands up for me and Paris all the time. It’s called friendship, Hyunjin” He scoffed, looking away before grimacing at you.

   “Okay, and why was he all riled up when we ate the hot dog that night?” He challenged. You frowned. Well… Apart from his worries about Hyunjin in general, Han didn’t really have a reason to get so upset “See? Deep down you know I’m right” He smiled triumphantly.

   “He acts differently when he’s around Paris” You retorted, crossing your arms. He rolled his eyes, sighing “I mean it! Did you see how he acts beside her?” You insisted eagerly.

   “Please… He acts differently when he’s around you” He arched his brows, as if to make his point, “That’s how he acts around you! Have you ever seen how he act around her when you’re not around? I mean it. He likes you.” He was serious, and for a moment you couldn’t take his words out of your mind.

   Was that how he acts around you not her?

   “Anyway… I don’t even know why I’m trying to make you understand it” He shrugged “It’s none of my business” He sighed, arching one brow, studying your flabbergasted expression “Though I think I made my point” He chuckled, and you shook your head.

   “No, you didn’t!” You blurted out; too eager “He likes her! He has to” You decided, settling with your previous beliefs “She likes him, you heard it yourself! And I’m sure he likes her back… They just need some alone time to get together” He sighed in defeat, giving up on the idea. As you prepared to get up, wondering where you should go to rest, he tilted his head, grabbing your wrist again. You looked down at him, and he bit his lips in doubt before speaking up.

   “Do you want to watch it together?” He asked, taking his phone out of his pocket “You can read your book too if you prefer… The tree is big enough for both of us” He smiled friendly, and you had to smile back. It was the first time he was being friendly without any suggestive or teasing remarks attached.

   “I’d love to” You nodded, crawling to the tree trunk, leaning against it. He laid down again, resting his head on his backpack and giving up on pretending to be studying, raising his phone right up his eyes, so he would be watching it in peace. You opened your book, prepared to re-read it since you had actually read it over the weekend, noticing as he glanced at you.

   “Is that book this good for you to prefer reading it instead of watching something?” He asked cautiously, and you smirked at him.

   “Yes, it is… I think you should try it” You offered, and he scoffed.

   “No way, I’m going to watch my Drama” He rolled his eyes.

   “We watch it together and then you read my book” You suggested “Then you have to be sincere about it! You can’t just decide your drama was better without trying to read it!” You looked at him accusingly, and he chuckled.

   “What is on for me?” He asked smugly, and this time you rolled your eyes to him.

   “The shame of being so wrong throughout your life that you should hide under a rock” You grimaced, making him laugh “Or maybe I’m the one who should hide under a rock…” You let the sentence hanging in the air, and he smiled confidently.

   “Deal” He agreed. You closed the book, resting it on his stomach as you laid down, resting your head on your hand, elbowing the grass.

[long-bodyswap]

Deal With The Devil

by vchris1989

I told my son all his life to wear a hat whenever possible, but like any rebellious child, he ignored me and was convinced he was right- that the ravages of UV damage, photoaging, and skin cancer would just ignore him.  I couldn’t even get him to wear sunscreen or wear sunglasses.  He thinks I’m being type A just because I care about him and his well being, but the real reason is much more selfish.  You see, centuries ago I accidentally made a deal with an unfriendly metaphysical entity, Yeah let’s just go with that.  Doesn’t sound as bad as deal with the devil, but that’s basically what it was.  I was born in an era when maintaining youth was much more difficult because we didn’t understand the importance of diet and exercise to overall physical attractiveness and youth maintenance.  We didn’t even have sunscreen or understand that the sun causes over 90% of all skin aging, with the rest being a combo of diet, exercise, sleep quality, bad habits, pollution, and genes.  You can see I’ve done my research, but back in the 1600′s, when I was a 45 year old man and verging on death (a respectable age of death back then), the devil heard my cry for help, which he later claimed pierced dimensional walls.  I so wanted to live and be youthful again.  To have a fresh start at eternal youth.  However, if he had just given me an immortality/youth potion I never would have died and there wouldn’t be any soul to collect.  That’s when he gave me my ultimatum; that I could possess my son, who had just turned 18, and that I could repeat this process infinitely, experiencing youth and power, and also being responsible for breeding my future vessel.  I was assured that in the interim period between bodies I would be protected from disease and fatal accidents.  The price for all of this would be the soul of the son I would then inhabit.   I think you know what path I took…I used to be quite ashamed, but after about the fifth generation I became numb to the process.  In the grand scheme of my life, this is as routine as Spring cleaning.  Out with the old, in with the new.  So when my son finally turned 18, I began assembling the necessary materials and reciting the incantation which by now I have memorized by heart.   This is the perfect time to begin because James is out back, doing his damn sunbathing alone on our private beach.  All these years have helped me accumulate quite a portfolio of wealth and investments, all of which will be transferred to James when my current descendant vessel passes upon my transfer.   After finishing the incantation I blow out the last candle and collapse to the ground before my spirit is ripped out of my vessel and flies at lightning speeds towards the beach where James is out, asleep and shirtless as he perfects his bronze.  My spirit flies straight down from the sky, slamming into his tight and toned stomach, making those abs contract in response as the impact sends me cascading all throughout his body in one quick swoosh.   James awakens in a panic, trembling and convulsing, groaning in discomfort as he feels full beyond what is physically possible.  His legs squirm together, toes curling and eyes clenched shut while he grips his hands into fists around the towel, pulling with all his might as he tries to will me out of him.  James has always been a fighter- anyone could see that from the way his pecs and abs seem to be popping with effort, but it’s no use.  My essence flows through his veins and fills every cell of his body, adhering and making his form my own.  He screams one last echoing cry before arching his back and collapsing down onto the towel.   I’m breathing super heavy, feeling young and athletic lungs expand and contract as I lay in the sand with shut eyes.  My heart is racing faster than it ever could in my previous vessel, sending bursts of endorphins and young male testosterone crashing though my new veins, particularly through the veins in my new cock.  This is always my favorite part!  The inspection of my new body.  I’ve had many generations to breed my future vessels into the handsome, cute, and athletic type like James happens to be.  James might actually be my favorite so far.   I mean, Fuck, the kid’s got amazing legs.  Lean yet strong, and dusted with the perfect amount of manly brown hair, leading all the way up his thighs to the prize.  James is one hung little fucker, just like I planned when I was breeding him.  In spite of his lean physique, the wood he’s packing must be 9 inches hard, perfect thickness surrounded by a perfectly trimmed bush of brown hair.  I always teach my sons the important of personal grooming- it makes my first exploration of their bodies much more enjoyable.   Going up, James has a lean and toned core- the type of abs and pecs that aren’t huge, but fuck they are perfectly chiseled.  There’s just a light brown treasure trail traveling down to his crotch, but I’m hopeful that when he hits his early twenties there will be more chest hair and ab hair.  That’s right, because his body is all mine now.  No matter how many sons I breed and take over it just never gets old- the satisfaction of entering them and stealing control of their bodies- feeling fresh lungs breathe as I test out my new voice and run my new hands all up and down my new vessel, unable to contain the smile and giddiness overtaking my new face.   “You really were a good son, James,” I say as my youthful and sexy voice sends a chill down my spine.  “But you make an even better vessel,” I say seductively as I reach my hands around the elastic waistband of these swim trunks, sliding them down and cooing as I rub along my abs and chest, squeezing James’ nipples and giving that meat room to grow to its full 9 inches.  Squirming in the sand, I finally reach my limit and grab onto that dick, yelling ecstatically as I’m overcome by the electric pleasure cascading down my crotch all the way to my curled toes and up my tight abs and pecs, making my whole body tense up in appreciation.   “Get’s better each time!” I moan as I pump my son’s meat out in the open on the sunny beach.  Good thing I own the damn beach so I have some privacy.  If James wasn’t sweating before, he’s fucking glistening by the time I feel his balls tightening, earth-crumbling pressure building inside me and spreading down my thighs and up my core as I grit my teeth trying to give this meat the best pounding it’s ever had.   “OHHHHHHHH FFFUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!” I roar as the pressure becomes too much.  I shriek as each load erupts from my cock, splashing all over my chest, abs, and face as convulsions of sensation make my back arch against my will.  I’m gasping for breath as this stream of manly fluids rockets out of me, making me feel young again- ready to live again.   It’s been a month and life couldn’t be better.  I get so bored at these funerals after having gone to so many, but it’s just part of the routine.  People tell me how sorry they are about my “dad.”  I put on my best sad face, maybe even shedding a tear if I have particularly fond memories in the vessel, but by the time I get to the lawyers office and reclaim my assets in my younger body, I am smiles from ear to ear.  I plan on living large for the rest of the summer before starting college.  I’m always very hard on the future vessels I breed, so James was accepted to Yale University, a family tradition.  While there I’ll have time to meet a suitable breeding mate to make my future vessel, but for now I can have some fun!  You see, over the years I’ve had time to explore and so I would say I am bi with a slight preference for guys.  This was all absolutely forbidden in my time, but what a wonderful era to be alive when I can be an 18 year-old heir to a family dynasty and fortune who loves to power-bottom with his tight, boy ass.  I’ve done some exploring, and James’ hole is the best one of any vessel I have ever bred!  I intend to make great use of it!  This is pretty random, but I think I might change things up with my next son.  Maybe move South and pressure him to get into Duke.  Hell, I’ll just build them a new library or something and he should be fine.  It might be a few decades away, but that’s just the blink of an eye in my perfect existence.  

[lilcutieana]

Oblivion ( Hybrid Min Yoongi)

                                             CHAPTER   ONE

Word Count: 8.8k

Warning:  triggering, mentions of abuse, blood and drugs. 

Rating: 18+

Pairing: hybrid Yoongi x hybrid reader

Genre: Angst/ drama/ smut (happy ending)

Synapse:  Min Yoongi, a beautiful and rare snow leopard hybrid, struggling to survive under the care of a ruthless owner who sells him for underground fights and sex. In a world where mistreating hybrids is a natural and where hybrids have been seen as worse than animals and treated beneath humans, would he make it out alive?

Story inspiration: Red Raven 

This story is a part of the same AU as her Namjoon hybrid fic (Unspoken ) and continues with Yoongi's story.

also, I’d love to thank @barbika1508 , she’s been a huge help in the editing process along with Raven.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5 (final)

Breathing heavy and slow, the pain making my body numb to everything else around me, hands trembling on their hold to the seat of the chair, my extended claws keeping me rooted. Trying my hardest to remain conscious in the backstage room, my body was swaying and screaming for some sort of relief while my owner gleefully counted the money I earned for tonight besides me by the table with a cancer stick in the mouth.

The ice pack glued to my neck did nothing to help alleviate the pain or cool me down, sweat still running throughout my body in rivulets, the threadbare clothes sticking to my body like a second skin. I just needed a shower, some food, painkillers and perhaps a soft bed, all of which were luxury to me, a temporary heaven found only in a hospital. But what I had here, right at this moment, was a heady cocktail of piss, blood and cheap booze scents surrounding me.

With a twitching nose that hurt with every movement, the animal part of me wanted to puke my guts out, yet conversely, the human in me knew I couldn't afford that. It was a battle within that I was slowly growing tired of and just wanted out of this place, somehow, anyhow. I had to keep whatever food I got, down, knowing I only had a handful to survive off of, despite the amount of money I earned. My body was slowly losing its energy, eyes losing its focus and ears ringing, blinking my eyes off the sweat drops that rolled into them, I tried focusing on my surroundings once again.

The whitewashed walls were now chipping every which way, almost making it look like an intricate map of an exotic place. Map to hell I bet. Snickering at my own thoughts, I noticed the many blood splatters here and there and some questionable bodily fluids or whatever those stains were. The underground was truly a sketchy place indeed. All kinds of dealings went under the table. The drinks served here made many people laugh boisterously, and the rest to start showing off how evil they were than the other, like a  sick game, showcasing who tops the rest. Sickening humans. Filthy, every single one of them.

The more time passed, the harder it became to ignore the searing pain raising from my ribs and spreading towards my back and thighs. Biting my cheeks, almost making it bleed, I held back from moaning out loud or show signs of weakness. I would never give my owner have the pleasure, of me begging for things or showing how he has broken me. He knew I was well past broken, I knew that too, but I still held onto the sliver of pride I had left. The only thin thread that helped me survive. I had a purpose, and I won't give up till I fulfilled it.

Perhaps it was a muscle strain, the pain being too much to bear, or some tearing of ligaments like last time. Maybe. At least I hoped it was one of the two. I was no specialist to diagnose exactly what was wrong with me, no matter how much I experienced these things before. A bruised body was no good for pets like me, who sold their bodies for quick money. Good thing, I made enough money in the past week to afford spray makeup and cover up the discolored skin. I just had to hold my tongue to not show any discomfort that wasn't caused by whoever paid for my services. Humans were irrationally possessive over things that weren't theirs, to begin with. God forbid I had some broken or shattered bones, I'd be counted useless and thrown away. Maybe that was for the better? Who knows? But what if things got worse than it is now?

My sight was almost gone, eyes blinking closed in exhaustion and maybe, malnutrition too. Everything looked hazy, the energy pills I consumed for the fight wearing off, leaving my head spinning after the twelve rounds of a fight that I went through tonight. The wish to pass out any given time was monumental, yet, the adrenaline pumping through my veins kept me awake. Awake enough to run at any given chance, but the painful truth was, I couldn't. Where would I run to? I was bound by law, to forever be the slave that owed my life to my owner for keeping me safe.

Safe

Scoffing at the term, I spat out the blood that had accumulated in my mouth, from the cut on my tongue and cheek. Almost instantly an answering clap resounded in my ears, making me cringe. While my sight was dwindling, my ears were extra sensitive just as my tail was, that was currently taped to my back for protection underneath the thin shirt that I wore and was itching to be let out of its misery.

It took me a few moments to register, that was no clap, I was being slapped across the face since it had been now turned to the left with the force of the heavy blow delivered by my now glaring owner. But the pain I was already in, had made me numb to the new blow on my left cheek, making me believe for a split second it might have been a clap. What a fool I am. It was nothing compared to what I'm used to.

Smiling deliriously, I winked at him, earning myself a glare. "Watch yourself, Yoongi. You got me ten thousand bucks, but it's not enough to earn my affection." Sneering at me he returned the brown packet into his faux leather jacket with zebra prints and kicked my chair, a sign for me to get up and follow him exactly five steps behind. He was a journalist, my not so kind owner, working the usual nine to five job for a meager salary at the 'The True Telegraph'. Always have the best of stories but never the best of articles to go with it. And every time he failed in his job only to be one up by his other college, all his pent-up frustrations and anger was poured on me, followed by a night full of cheap drinks and squandering money like a trickling waterfall.

My confident, cocky attitude was a front I used when venturing out with him. It was all a mask, with intricate designs, crafted specially to show the world I was strong, yet a very obedient hybrid. Little did they know, I was not strong at all, in any way or form. I’d crumble to the ground if I didn’t have something holding me upright.

"Want me to get some medication for your hybrid, sir? He is the starfighter in our club after all." Drawled the old man from the counter with yellowing teeth and a rotten egg smell about his person making my nose crinkle in disgust.

“Is it free of charges?” Taken aback the man sighed and shook his head. It's not that we were poor, I earned enough money to pay for ten more people to live comfortably. But my owner splurged all that money into gambling. “Sorry, mate, it's not on me to give things away for free, I’m just a worker here.”

"Just as I thought!” With a dry sarcastic chuckle that grated on my ears, he continued with a sneer,”Never mind, pal, I'll take him to the shelter to get checked. Got a couple of friends who'd love to look after this kitty." Being put on the spot like that, I squared my shoulders and glared back at them, yet I knew I was expected to reply and let out a soft non-committal 'yes'. Satisfied, my owner cuffed my hands and tied the leather and spike choker with a leash snug around my throat.

'A filthy cat like you, deserves no place beside me, never forget who you are'

Those words once spoken, will never leave my mind. Making me unconsciously follow behind him at every step of the way.

This isn't the life you call safe. I'm anything but 'safe'. From being passed around as an escort with added 'bonus' to posing lewdly in front of a camera, taping myself get off for the sick pleasures of human females, sometimes, even males and the occasional underground fighting - this - was my life now. This has been my life ever since I was deemed a hybrid ready to be released to the world from the lab, as a rare breed of snow leopard. Vicious when needed but docile otherwise. A good breed to mate with. I was often called into the lab to help procreate new hybrids.

                   ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was so cold even my breath was turning foggy in front of me, nose feeling frosted over, probably pink by now and lungs stinging with every breath that I took. I was shivering in this place, with only darkness surrounding me, for as far as my vision went, even the moon and stars had given up on me. Straightening my ears atop my head, twisting every direction, I tried hard to listen to any semblance of sounds and was met with absolute stillness. No wind, no birds, no insects. The surface I was standing on, was hurting my feet, probably with a temperature beyond the freezing point.

Where was this place?

Slowly, I could water trickling, slowly and calmly, and with fascination saw a huge bluefish glowing a neon blue with pale blue stripes and dark black spots…whale maybe? Swim beneath my feet. I was standing on a frozen ocean? Or was this a lake?

Bracing myself on my haunches, I proceeded to jump on my feet, to try and get rid of the cold floor I was standing on, but just one jump, and it had started to crack with a loud crunch. Startled, I stepped back into a pair of warm hands that braced my fall into the never-ending abyss below. Straightening out, I tried to thank whoever saved my fall, but I couldn't move anymore. I couldn't see who those hands belonged to. I couldn’t even move my head...or body. Even my tail wouldn't swing like I needed it to. I was stuck. On this frozen lake. My breathing picked up, freezing my heart and my hair stood up with gooseflesh on my skin. Just then, the hands moved from my shoulder blades to my neck and something clicked around it. No! I hate collars!

'Don't you like it?' A new voice crooned by my ears, making my tail bristle in fear. Who? Who's there? Show yourself! Glancing down at my hands, they wouldn't move, they're small again. I'm small again? Why? What's happening? A cacophony of laughter raised all around me. They echoed off of the empty space. No, no.

'It's a very special collar, made just for creatures like you.' No. No, please. I don't like collars. I don't want them around me. Take it off. Take it off of me. I couldn't speak. My lips were sealed shut with muffled screams coming out. I couldn't scream out. What is happening to me? I wanted so bad to raise my hands and take it off myself but they won’t move. My hands won’t listen to me.

'I'll know everything there is to know, about you, at all times. Look, right here, it has an alarm system that activates whenever someone tries to change or remove it. You won't do that me, will you, kitty?' A new voice. Another pair of hands, feminine now. They were moving across my naked body. I don't like this touch. I'm older now. Don't touch me there. It hurts. I don't like it. Stop touching me. A mouth started sucking marks on my thighs, slowly moving there. I wanted to squirm away, only to be held back my own paralyzed body. Why won’t it listen to me? Laughing manically the voices crowded in on me.

'My sweet, lovely kitty, come to daddy.' No! Not again. A new voice echoed from my far right. I can’t take anymore. How many more people?  I don't want to be punished. It's not my fault. Please believe me. I didn't do it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Just then another pair of hands joined my body, rough, calloused and old, wrinkly. Yanking my tail, it started inserting something inside of me. Something large. It hurts. It hurts so much. I’m too small. Stop! Please. Please let me go. No. Not there. Please not there....

'Oh? You're hard now baby? Let daddy take real good care, of you'

No! I'll do anything, but not that, Not that, I don't want that. My body can't take it no more. Stop playing with me. I'm not a toy! It's like back in my training days. I’m an adult again. My arms, feet look like a grown man. Still, this hold over my body won’t go. The hands won’t leave me.

'For a filthy kitty, you come so beautifully, let's see if more people will love how much you crave a cock, inside you, on you, you just love it, don’t you? Even if yours doesn’t work' not like this, I don't like it. Save me, someone, please. Save me...Save me... sa-save m-me…

'Aw, don't cry kitty. You look so pretty with smiles. Cry only when asked to. Cry when begging me for more. Be a good kitty, for daddy, won't you?' Yes. Only smiles. I'll be good. Don't hurt me anymore. Panting heavily, I had given up. There is no one to save me. No one who cares. Nobody wants me.

'If you're good, we'll be together forever, just you and me.' Together. Only smiles. I'm not a bad kitty. I'll be good, don't ever hurt me.

'I'll treasure you the most. You're mine'

Okay. Together. Forever. Smiles and happiness. You’ll stay with me, won’t you?

'Mine'

Only yours. You’re a beautiful precious kitty, Yoongi.

 Just then, every pair of hands left me. No! Come back. You promised to stay! My body thrummed with renewed energy, I could feel my body now. It was slowly beginning to thaw from the frozen temperature. Blood rushing back into my veins, my muscles were tingling. Slowly I tried moving my head. I could move again? Come back! Lifting my feet, I stumbled and fell. Getting up again, I ran across the ice in front of me, falling on my ass once again. The ice was slippery.

"Come back!" I could speak again! My mouth felt so dry. My voice echoed back to me, but I could hear nobody else. The ice started crunching underneath me. Panicked, I started crawling backward with rounded eyes, bated breath and tears streaming down my face in rivulets. Lightning struck right behind me, making me jump and hide my face on the ground just as the whole place lit up. Looking up, I saw a million red glowing eyes staring me with crazed smiles on their faces. No, they were cameras. Was I being filmed?

Thunder boomed in the distance soon after leading me to sit on the surface, covering my ears and clutching my head shaking it with a plethora of repeated ‘no’s’. Just then the cracking and groaning of the ice increased and it was rapidly coming towards me. I had nothing to live for anymore. Come take me, drown me, make me a part of your vast abyss, never to be found again. Peace will welcome me finally.

Soon enough the ground beneath my feet opened wide, making me fall inside with a huge splash. It was too cold, freezing me in place. I couldn't even feel any part of my body except stinging needles pricking every surface of my skin. Naked. Frozen. Suspended in water.

I opened my eyes to see just that. I was small again. Naked, with tubes running along my body and needles attached everywhere. I was back in a glass cage of the lab to become half a leopard. Just beyond the glass cage were various scenes flashing by. Humans in various white coats moving around, dipping things into my tank and shouting out commands. Vials and beakers of neon liquids passed around and a table full of weird glass bottles, set up in an equally weird fashion. Further beyond, were huge tanks of other animals, suspended in a ruby red liquid of sorts. All inside the ocean with fish and octopus swimming around. People being carried in and out, people screaming and banging on my glass cage. Closing my eyes, I wished death to come sooner and cradle me in its arms. Put me to sleep for an eternity with a single chaste kiss.

 With a sharp inhale, I woke with a start, jerking my eyes open and blinking furiously. Rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sticky lashes, I winced when my bruised knuckles made contact with skin. It hurt like a bitch. Sniffing with my nose up in the air, the soft fragrance of freesia, calmed my senses and brought forth a feeling of nostalgia from within. Rubbing my cheeks on the soft,fluffy pillow, I tried my best to get rid of the nasty feeling the nightmare left me with. My mum used to smell like that. It was a nightmare I would rather not live again. All of my childhood memories mixed into one.

Twitching my ears, I tried listening to any sounds. A few moments later, I could faintly make out a feminine voice humming something soothing? Perhaps a lullaby, from far away, the only sound of a living being I could tell. Soon enough my other senses caught up. Heart thumping like crazy, room spinning and my head pounding in immense pain, I’m quite positively certain I was hung-over. Didn’t I get any medicine after all? Where... was I? The baby pink and white ceiling was unfamiliar and swishing my tail around, I could tell, so was the bed underneath me. Feeling clammy and sweaty, I looked around the pillows for the remote and turned on the AC at the lowest setting, sighing in relief once it started cooling me down.

Clutching my head in my hands, I turned sideways and curled in on myself in a fetal position, wrapping my tail around my waist, immediately straightening out with a soft whimper. The pain and memories flashing through my body and mind making me cringe. The fights, the lashing right outside the bar for making people notice I was in pain, then going to the bar limping right behind my owner. Me, trying to drink the pain away and secretly dabbing some alcohol over my cuts, while my owner kept talking to some rich guys. After that? I don't quite recall what happened after ... I tried hard to think, when and how, I got here, only for my headache to worsen.

The pitter-patter of footsteps outside, made my spine straighten in fear of the unknown, despite the calming freesia scented room. It did absolutely nothing to help placate the adrenaline pumping through my veins, preparing myself for a knife yielding crazy cat lady coming at me. Telling myself that it's just my imagination, these things don’t happen in real life, that I'm a professional fighter that knows some good dirty tricks, who was well capable of saving himself if he so wished. I had no bond with my owner, thus making me my own person. All I needed was to be lawfully free. If only I got rid of the collar. Yet this new person, whose home I was in? I had no clue what to expect of them.

The golden doorknob turning made me stiffen up and forget my own whirlwind of random thoughts. I let out a ferocious growl warning whoever was trying to enter the room. Accompanied by a bristled tail, pointed ears and claws digging into the mattress, where I was sitting in a crouch, I’m sure the sight they came to wasn’t the soft leopard kitty they expected. Hissing at the new intruder, I was ready to attack her, whoever she may be. Nobody brings me to a bedroom without ill intentions. A room with everything pastel pink, ivory white, peach, and gold. The furniture was kept to a bare minimum, all wooden with pale pink and peach covers and cushions. The decor consisted of a few floral paintings in golden frames, a couple fake flower vases and walls were all half white from the top that faded into a pale pink at the bottom. This overly girly room was suffocating me. Even the floor was made out of rose-colored tiles. Whoever designed it was an asshole.

I decided to give her a once-over, just to be safe. It would be rude of me to treat them any differently than how I expect to be treated. Like a human first. A good human. She had dainty naked feet, toes wiggling with soft pink polish on the nails, bound at the left ankle, a blinking black metal cuff indicating she was not free, just a slave like me. Maybe the owner wanted to make me feel some sort of camaraderie? With a human? Never. Bad move. Her legs were beautiful, long and wait-- were those bruises on her knees? Looking back closely, I saw other faint yellowish marks on her otherwise porcelain skin. So she was healing. From what? And a tail swishing nervously behind her knees. Wait, wait---- tail? She's not... human? Rage began to stir in my blood. How could they give her so much luxury, yet still hurt her?

She had short cotton shorts meant as pajamas. Growling at her indecent choice of clothing, in front of a stranger like me, I looked into her eyes, but she had them focused on the tray she was carrying. With a tea set and some pancakes shaking like a maple leaf about to fall from the tree in autumn winds. She was scared. Of course, she’d be you dumbass! You totally scared her to bits. I was an alpha male. I had prominent pheromones. Just like her scent. It was highly potent. I judged her too soon. But it never hurts to be cautious.

So, it wasn't me growling, the smell of the fresh pancakes laden with syrup and butter stacked together indicated, it was my stomach. I felt my face become hotter at the realization and her blue eyes met mine across the room, with mirth shining in them. At least one of us is amused. Her eyes. I was transfixed at their blue serene oceanic pupils. They looked so familiar and welcoming. I, however, was ravenous, as declared by my dying whale of a stomach. And wet. I did have a bad dream, and no, it wasn't just my sweat.

Looking at her head for more signs as to what breed she was, I noticed a pair of ears drawn low over her head. Maybe in submission? But her small button nose, upturned eyes, and head tilt declared loud and clear, she was some sort of cat hybrid that smelled distinctly of freesia and something...musky. Sniffing her scent once again by raising my head, instantly calmed my senses but also made me feel something else entirely. A stirring in my groin that was unwelcome. I just couldn't pinpoint what this foreign feeling was, I couldn't compare to anything at all. I felt my vision sharpen and focus on her lithe, petite form and shiver, a very pleasant shiver shot down my spine making my skin tingle and a delicious hum thrum through my veins.

Standing before me with a breakfast tray in hand and a smile that trembled on her lips. Scared downcast eyes, grey ears flat on her head and a fluffy grey tail with black stripes swishing slowly behind her. Was she a tabby? What was I, a snow leopard, doing here? I would completely ruin her if I were to mate with her. Which assuming was the reason why I was here? Why else a snow leopard, known for breeding, would be in an empty house with a cat hybrid?

Unless... I was supposed to be her bodyguard? Because of my fighting skills. But I doubted she’d be given that sort of luxury. I needed to know what I was doing here, and why. But first, I'd make the most of what I could get from her. It would do me no good to show how scared and lost I felt right now. If only I could manage to keep her intimated, it would be in my best interest.

“Where's the bathroom?" Startled at my normal voice, she raised her head to reveal too wide for her head eyes that looked at me with a small trembling mouth, the stillness of the room interrupted with a single gulp that echoed across the room, she squeaked out, "I'll show you"

Scanning her face, she looked frightened. Pupils dilated and legs shaking. Good. She won't try anything with me. I got up with renewed confidence. This was my territory, and she had nothing on me. Scratching my neck, I lifted my arms in a stretch, realizing with a delay, I had no collar on. What? So I could run away anywhere, at any given time? There must be a catch, and I need her to confirm just that. Passing by her, I was astonished to find out the real reason behind her musky scent. She was nearing her heat and was turned on by me, not frightened. She was holding herself back from jumping my bones. If that's what she wanted. That's what she will get.

"You saved me from two guys, last night, at the bar, I mean. They were trying to molest me in front of the washroom and then you got injured in your head trying to intervene. I...” taking a deep shaky breath and sniffing her nose, she continued at my confused expression, “I never got a chance to apologize or thank you for intervening." Came her soft voice, purring slightly while looking back at me with sincere rounded eyes. She was enchanting, and she knew it.

So I saved her, huh? Explains why and where I met her. Doesn't explain me being here though. She was being smart with her choice of words. Two could play this game. I won't clue her in that I have no memory. Though I'm uncertain about her story too.

"It's nothing. Anyone decent would show the same courtesy, I'm sure." With a nonchalant shrug, I moved past her into the door she had opened for me. Pointedly looking at my groin, she gestured her hands vaguely. "There's the shower and I'll get you a robe. My master smells awful so I will pass on giving you his clothing. We should talk more once you're done." She was cute when flustered. “You’re rambling. It’s kind of cute.” Shit, I didn’t mean for it to come out loud. Cringing at my own fault, I looked up at her to see she was smiling faintly with a pretty peach colored blush on her cheeks. Huffing and patting her cheeks, she smiled big at me.

“Wash mine. And reheat the pancakes. It might take a while for me.” I ordered her sternly, expecting her to leave, but when she didn’t, I understood why. She was stubborn. Rolling my eyes, I added as an afterthought, “Please”. With a blinding white smile, she twirled around and sashayed out the door with a gentle click, leaving me on my own once again, taking away the delightful freesia scent with her. What’s with all the smiling? I’m no kid that needs to be placated with large smiles and warm food. Or…was I?

This wasn't just a bath, it was a freaking room. The left side was all pristine white tiled walls, with a wooden cabinet at knee level and a round mirror attached on top of it. A wash basin at the right of the cabinet and a couple of towels and bottles kept on it. A simple white flower vase and some candles were kept on the surface to not make it look as cold and empty as it felt. Well, it was doing a shit job in making it warm and homey. To further right, the room had slowly merged into a wooden colored theme. The flooring and walls to ceiling it was all browns and beige. The room ended with a huge walk-in shower, right beside it was a bath and a comod, on opposite sides of the shower stall, which was a mini room in on itself.

Finally, alone, I started looking for all the bath products I could find. The cabinet seemed like my only option, and opening it I wasn't even surprised at the assorted collection inside. There were a few shampoos and conditioners for hybrids, some bath salts, lush bombs, cleansers, exfo-li- whatever's and tons of other colorful bottles. She was one spoilt hybrid. I wonder if that was all to gain her forgiveness. Her bruises told a different kind of story to me. Closing my eyes I chose a random bottle, passion flower shampoo. Will do. Then picked up a random body wash and off I went.

I had to check this house for cameras and sound recorders later. Something seemed terribly wrong about me being here, free, with another hybrid. She was tempting, beautiful, seemed smart. But not smart enough to live by herself. I wondered when our owners would be back.

Did…did Namjoon finally manage to free me? I do vaguely remember seeing him inside the bar, wearing a fedora and some silk shirt, looking absolutely ravishing with an equally contrasting dimpled smile that spoke of complete innocence whenever revealed, even to me. I had a basic aversion towards men, being treated as I was since teenage, I just naturally hated looking at men sexually. Yet, there was something about Namjoon, something magnetic and I was not immune. Not completely.

With the shampoo and body wash in hand, I entered the shower cubicle opening the frosted glass door. Except for the door, the room had actual mosaic walls with pebbles on the flooring in muted browns and reds. There was a huge square cheese grater overhead, poking it, I think it was meant to be there. A screen of sorts to the right of me and various knobs and pipes running along what I assume is the shower, with those detachable ones. A place to sit opposite the shower, with a rectangular hole in the wall, perhaps to keep the bottles? I slid them in there anyway. Next to the sitting area, was a tilted handle? What's the point? To keep towels? It would slide off! Humans...

I stare down at the two handles and knobs in front of me with specific colors on them. Red and blue. Since I wasn't given a choice at my owner's place, quickly taking showers whenever i could with whatever knob worked at the time, cold or hot, never something in between, I was confused this time what to choose. Taking a leap of faith, that fires are usually reds and ice is blue, I turned them together. Immediately the screen panel seemed to be calling my name - well figuratively. It was only beeping for me to choose something. I approached it tentatively, with slow steps, scared it would raise an alarm, but also excited at the aspect. Let's push all the fucking buttons, and hope the room doesn't explode. Hey, not my fault nobody explained. Shit..... Was she perhaps waiting here to explain things to me?

The panel was touchscreen. That made things easier. The first button showed typical few playlists named with emotions- sad, angry, hurt, happy, instruments, horny- wow she sure knew what music to play during what. An organized person, I liked it. Wait- why do I care if she’s organized or not. Not my business! Choosing the instruments playlist, I was washed with a serene tune of harp playing a beautiful song. Shower settings were next. Rainfall? Body massage? Showers did that? Choosing rainfall and neon lights- I saw the cheese grater from above actually spouting water like rain. This was so cool! And unnecessary, but I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. The whole place, even the water turned a pretty blue. Stepping in, I decided, I wanted this for myself. One day.

Taking a big dollop of shampoo on my left Palm, I started massaging my head. Slowly detangling my hair and reveling in the amazing aroma of passion flower, relaxing my body and tail swishing about in glee. Just as I had started enjoying the process by scratching behind the ear, my hands jerked back in immense pain from behind my head. Feeling over it with gentle fingers, I realized with a start, she wasn't lying. I had actually bumped my head and now a big lump had formed over it. Clearly, I must have passed out last night after hitting my head, since I wasn't really a big drinker to start with.

Humming softly to myself, a song that I had heard at the bar last night, I started washing, mindful of the many injuries littering my body. Soon I smelled the freesia scent before I heard her approaching me. A series of knocks announcing her presence. I could see her silhouette walking through the door to the mirrored counter and then with a soft huff she kept a huge basket full of things down and sat on the countertop, cutely swinging her legs back and forth.

"Would you mind if I took care of your washing and bruises. I noticed a lot last night and figured it would hurt to bend at awkward angles and get to every part of your body, including the tail." She asked with a hesitant voice like she was prepared for a lashing. Taking pity on her I chose to ease her. If I wanted to take advantage of her, somehow, I had to make her comfortable first. "Why? Can't wait to see me naked?" She laughed out softly and it sounded like tiny bells tinkering in the wind. Good, I didn’t scare her away. I needed her to trust me first. Though, if she saw me as her savior, it shouldn’t be a hard task to do.

"Well of course. You're attractive and I don't see why not." I bet she was grinning wildly from outside the curtain, or maybe, blushing a beautiful pink, after speaking her thoughts out loud. I had to see for myself. Never had I met such a daring girl who despite being scared, still wanted to play with the big cats? I admired her for it. She was incredible and so very foolish.

Opening the door, I raised my brows at her indecent ogling. She sure was checking every part of my body out, in her eyes, I saw no aversion, only admiration. It did well to boost my already huge ego. “I can smell that off you in waves, kitten. Come on in, I could use the help.” Eyes rounded and jaw slacked, it seemed she forgot I was a hybrid too, with heightened senses. She looked at me perplexed, “You need to eat as soon as you’re out and then take some painkillers and antibiotics. I’ll try my best to patch you up.” Picking up what I assumed to be a washcloth, she stripped down right there into her white and red striped underwear and got in the shower with me.

“I’ll do that." Nodding at her, I watched her silently close the door then trapped her to it, with both hands beside her head, her back against my chest. I could feel her heart beating faster than a racehorse. Her scent becomes muskier, and thicker, "You know, It’s kind of awkward me being the only one naked.” I chuckled by her ear, reveling in the Goosebumps that raised on her skin, littering tiny kisses on her shoulder, then resting my chin on it. Tilting her head towards me, her lips so close to mine, she looked straight into my eyes, for a few moments, everything seemed to still, our souls connecting. Then, shaking her head, getting out of whatever spell she was in, she stood straighter and proceeded to take a generous amount of body wash on the washcloth and walking behind me, started with gently scrubbing behind my neck and slowly moved towards my tail. “I know it’s awkward, but trust me, its best this way around.”

Her being almost naked and so close to me, made me see all her bruises up close, and I was not happy about them. I’m used to seeing hybrids all around me, and in worse condition, but something about her brave yet gentle nature, that contrasted with each other, made me want to protect her. Keep her to myself. I had bred with humans and hybrids alike but never came across one I genuinely cared for, or wanted anything more than a sopping cunt to shove my cock in, then get the money I was being paid. I needed, I craved a warm body. I detested the cold of the nights, of being alone in this world. I had to have somebody telling me they wanted me. Me, who was broken, me, who had no value, me, who didn’t have looks, and me, who wasn’t talented in anything. I needed to know I was wanted, I was needed, even if for a fleeting moment. And if I did well in bed, be it, man or woman, they always praised me, told me how good I was, and wanted more. That was twisted, and I knew it, but there was nothing I could do more to fill this gaping hole in my heart.

But there was something distinctly calming about her, that made me want to hide her from the world, keep her for myself. To feel more humane, to feel more connected to the animal in me and to feel loved, cared for. Despite my rudeness, she was willing to show compassion towards me. I was willing to do anything for her, even if I didn’t have the luxury for to make wishes. One day, I’ll repay her, anyway I can. Make sure she’s happy, even if it's only a little happiness, I’ll make that happen.

Her touch made my muscles loosen and I was back in the lab again, with my mother cleaning me one last time before letting me be experimented on. A sharp tug at the base of my tail shook me from my memories and with a grateful smile, I kissed her in one fell swoop. At first, she was startled, but then slowly relaxed into my arms and let me explore her mouth as I wished, with slow torturous strokes that coaxed out the most delicious of moans out of her. Separating from her with a tiny nip at the corner of the mouth, I looked at her fondly, the both of us panting heavily, for now, her pupils dilated, cheeks flushed a healthy red and skin glowing like never before. She was mine, and now she even had my scent on her. I couldn't be more proud.

No. This wasn't what's supposed to happen. What was I thinking? I'm not drunk anymore. I should act rationally and not let my other head do all the thinking for me. I'm not a horndog, it's time I stopped acting like one. But that was hard, her pheromones were affecting me, she, herself, as a person was affecting me. I wanted her and knowing she wanted me back was making it almost impossible to give her up. She was right to assume being naked in front of me would be dangerous. But it was her body that wanted mine, a stronger cat, at his prime, however, did she, want me? Is that why she distanced herself. Is she having second thoughts? Is that it? Wouldn't be the first time someone's rejected me. But it hurts.

"Hey, come back. Don't over think anything. I'm okay. You'll be okay." Her words angered me even more, at this point, I didn't even care if she could read my expression or smell it in my scent. It was growing foul with all the anger and frustration piling up. Trying not to blow up at her, it's not her fault, I fisted my hands and gritted my teeth. The claws had elongated, digging into my skin, reminding me of the here and now, to maintain composure. Somehow, she noticed, she saw my struggle, and like a foolish little girl, instead of leaving me alone like she should, she slipped her fingers over my fists making them loosen and slowly held onto them, entwining our digits like lovers, that we never will be.

She lifted herself on her tiptoes and pecked my lips tentatively. Seeing my eyes darken with lust, then slowly kissed me this time, erasing all self-doubts I had. It was slow, gentle coaxing of her lips on mine. Like a soft caress of flower petals over my lips. I wanted more, so much more, but let her have this soft, delicate moment of sweetness and innocence. "I want you, Yoongi. But not now, you're injured and I know, it's not pleasant when injured. I don’t want you to go through that. Not now, not ever, not with me. We need to talk first too."

She was right. We had a lot to talk about. Nodding my consent, I let her slowly turn me towards the shower, with her arms around my neck and bodies meshed together, we walked backward, with her guiding me staples by step. I wonder when I started trusting her. I never lost my cool, my control like this. We stood under the rain like drops of water washing away the fatigue, hurt and doubts. Though this nagging feeling remained buried in mind. Why was I acting like a child when it comes to her?

Gazing quietly into each other's eyes, with a hint of a smile on our lips, something connected, and it made our hearts beat as one. I loved this new feeling, whatever it was, and by her sweeter scent could tell she thought so too. I didn't want to leave, I wished this little serene bubble of safety and calmness lasted forever. Me, cocooned in her arms, just like now. I would die a happy man and have no regrets.

No! I couldn't think like that. Why was my mind plagued with these thoughts? They belonged to happily mates, not stubborn, broken strangers like her and me.

Mates.

We were mates. That's what the feeling all this time was. The leopard and its kitty. But it's impossible. How could a snow leopard have a cat for a mate? We were completely different species, what kind of joke was fate trying to play on me? Horrified, I separated from her with a faint push. Choking back a sob, I yanked at my hair in frustration. Why?!?

Stumbling backward, I held onto the slippery tiles behind and looked at her helplessly. She was equally panicked, her eyes glazed over in astonishment, lips open halfway and throat bobbing in a stunned expression. Was she scared of me now? Does she see how dirty and worthless I am as her mate? Where do we go here from now? We could never be together. Two hybrids cannot survive without an owner. I needed to calm down and think things straight. We weren't even free to think of spending our lives together. Who knew how much longer I had till the truth of my being here was revealed.

Taking a deep breath, I looked at the shower panel and walked straight towards it. Confused with multiple options, I just punched the wall next to it, wincing at my still tender knuckles from last night. They were bruised as is, they'll be swollen and bleeding anytime now. I'm useless. I can't even operate a shower, how am I to care for a mate. Yanking open the shower door, I stepped outside and added as an afterthought, hoping she won't reject me. Then I truly won't have anything to live for anymore. "I need help with first aid. Please" my voice cracked midway, revealing how vulnerable I was. Fuck it. I'm done pretending. I just can't anymore. I'm so tired of everything and the hangover isn't helping either.

Shutting the door after her, I sat at the counter and waited for her to come. Getting a towel from top of the counter, I wrapped it around my head and taking the second one, I wrapped it around my fluffy tail. I'll have to groom that later to not look like cotton candy. Soon, the shower stopped and she came out with the bottles in hand. "Let's get you patched up then."

           ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The pancakes were soft, delicate and had just the right amount of sugar. I hated too much sugar in anything. She didn't overdo them, yet they had a crunchy edge that I loved to nibble on, the butter and syrup just the right amount making even the most boring of breakfast item seem heavenly. Or was it because my mate had prepared it thinking of me?Eating out of fancy China plates and silverware was a good distraction from the chaos in my mind. With a clear head , it was better to think straight and have rational thoughts. Everything made sense now. Why I clinged to her scent, why everything about her seemed so perfect and why I wanted to own her, protect her, be protected by her. 

Even her absence was making me antsy. With a smirk, I forcibly stopped my feet from shaking by keeping a hand over it. I was a mess, a complete, idiotic chaotic mess, and she was the calmness I needed to put my mind at ease. She didn't complete me, no. I was a whole complete person. But she did made it better. That's what having a mate is like, a pair of socks. A single one is still a whole sock, but a pair, would serve the purpose better, look better, feel better. You could mismatch them with others, but nothing feels as right as having them paired with the one they were meant to be paired with. She's the one meant just for me, as I am with her. There's no better option, there's no better match, we belong together. But-- what if luck goes against us? What if, it's all just a beautiful lie? Does she even know what a mate is? Will be ever be together past this day? How much longer do I have with her?

 Banging my head on the heavy and too-big-for-two table surface, I rested my head sideways. The fresh fruits chopped in shapes of stars and flowers , kept neatly in a crystal bowl directly in my line of sight. As healthy as her breakfast choice was, I was still very much a carnivore and craving some meat, even a simple bacon would do. Or some beef jerky. She was a cat, surely she had meat cravings from time to time. I had let my nose guide me here, after she so very gently, handled all of my cuts and bruises. Every time I winced in pain, she kissed me, to the point I winced purposely to get kisses from her. We both knew I was just pretending at this point but didn't care anyway. The painkillers she made eat had started doing their job, they were numbing the pain and making me drowsy, but the hunger within had yet to be sated. She must have some kind of secret meat stash... 

But what if.... everything worked out? Hadn't I suffered enough as is? Wasn't it time for my life to show some kindness? 

Getting up with renewed energy, I went looking for meat and fish among the huge assortment of cupboards in the modular kitchen that was too fancy for even the president to own. In contrast to the floor upstairs in pinks and peaches, that was solely meant for my girl, this floor was rather darker. With muted browns, midnight blues and black, the whole floor seemed rather a boudoir, magnificent even. The ceiling was ivory white, the walls a dark shade of blue and the flooring was black tiles. I loved the color theme, it suited me, had some warmth to it too. Every furniture was wooden and screamed royalty. Various portraits of a man in his late twenties, early teens, as a kid were portrayed with a girl that looked strikingly similar to my girl minus the hybrid features. As the kid grew older, perhaps in the recent few years, that girl seemed replaced by the hybrid, I now knew.

My girl? Since when was she mine? I had yet to claim her, or she--- had yet to accept me as her mate. I was getting ahead of myself. I should let her do the explaining. Though I think, this story is something not meant to be heard this early in the morning. I didn't even know her name! Yet somehow she knew mine. It was a scary thought but somehow, deep within, I wasn't intimated by it the slightest.

The kitchen was daunting. The first time I came here, I was guided by my nose sniffing out the pancakes and focused on scarfing it down. But now that the initial hunger was taken care of, I craved some milk and good old meat. The various black cupboards and drawers spread across the walls made my task hard, but I instead focused on the huge double door fridge that could easily for four of me. There had to be something I could microwave. Opening the fridge I was shocked to see some cartons of milk, a few veggies, some eggs, ham, cheese, and bottles and cans full of liquor. Shaking my head in dismay, I noted I'd have to have her buy grocery. And soon.

Picking up the ham, I checked if it was okay for me to cook it. If she, a hybrid can cook for me, surely I can too. The stove top had a weird way to operate it. Rotating the knobs on the front, I saw it light up on its own. Back in my temporary home, we had to use a matchstick, it was not the safest but the only way I knew how. This was far easier. I was startled by the whirring of an engine above. Sniffing at it I noticed it was some kind of automated chimney. Well, that's convenient. At least I won't be sprayed by water at the slightest amount of smoke. Finding the pan hanging from a hook in the opposite wall, I chopped up some ham slices with a random knife and set it to fry. Since I didn't know how to control heat yet, it was at highest possible setting and was cooking way faster than I was used to.

Feeling something slowly move alongside my waist, I was startled and jumped a feet in air, hurting my forehead in the process. Turning around with the knife in hand, I was ready to attack whoever when suddenly I registered the same vanilla scent from the body wash I used and a distinct freesia undertone followed by the telltale giggling that I've come to adore in the span of an hour of knowing her. Keeping the knife away from the two of us, I pouted at her. "Hey, don't laugh at me. I was busy cooking for us both." Still snickering behind her hand, she tilted sideways to see the flame and immediately turned it the opposite way and with a few clicking sounds, it was at medium setting. Huh. So that's how it's done. "You were about to burn them to a char, Yoongi"

"It's unfair how you know my name and I don't even know yours" Smiling brightly, she winked at me saucily. "Wouldn't you like to know" and twirled around to the cupboards on her right and took out two glasses, keeping then on a coaster, she then speed walked to the fridge to take out the milk carton and pour it in our glasses and handed one to me. "To finding the best mate"

She really was something. Shaking my head, I played along and clinked our glasses together. "To the most beautiful mate". Seeing her blush so deeply, and knowing I was the reason behind it, made my chest swell with pride. She had accepted me! 

“So, about that talk......” 

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5 (final)

[bettsplendens]

I... I can't visit the site. My parents blocked it. Thank you, though.

Then I’ll copy/paste the whole thing below. And that’s not a good thing, by the way, your parents blocking a sex ed website. 

(though you probably should be not on a lot of parts of tumblr if you’re underage. There’s a lot of unhealthy stuff on here.)

(This is a response to a young teen’s question, similar to yours, hence the reference to “your mother” being present.)

Having a gynecological exam isn't a punishment: gynecological exams are checkups for our reproductive system, just like the yearly checkups you may get for your whole body from a family doctor or clinic.

In a person's teens or twenties, either after having at least somewhat regular periods, after becoming sexually active, or because of some sort of reproductive health concern, question or issue, we may begin the habit of having a yearly exam or even just a consult with a gynecologist or a general healthcare provider who can provide gynecological healthcare. It's smart to check in with a reproductive/sexual healthcare provider every year or two as part of our overall preventative healthcare. Your mother most likely isn't punishing you, she's probably trying to help care for your health, especially if you've expressed something to her that might be an issue for you, like severe pain with your period, for example.

Do you need to go when you're very young and you haven't been at all sexually active yet (in other words, had any kind of genital sex)? No. It's not a need yet, especially if you're not having any issues when it comes to your period or any kind of pelvic or vulvar pain or discomfort.

In fact, if you do go now, not having been sexually active at all, and if you have no issues you need investigated -- like severe menstrual cramps or an absent period -- it's likely your first visit won't involve an actual exam at all, but will be more like the general physical you get at your yearly checkup from your family doctor. You may even just have a consultation, where you and the doctor just talk.

An OB/GYN -- or a family doctor or general health clinic providing those services -- should base what they do to your individual needs, and we feel like as soon as you can get started is a good time to go because it helps get you in that good habit early. As well, often we notice that the longer people wait to go, the more fear and anxiety they build up about an exam needlessly. Since a majority of our readers at Scarleteen are in their mid-to-late teens or early twenties, and many have been sexually active, we generally recommend our readers get yearly sexual and reproductive healthcare, which often includes gynecological exams.

There's no need to be scared about your first gynecological visit, though, no matter what it entails.

Be sure either you or your mother express to the doctor that it is your first visit, and feel free to communicate to the staff that you're nervous. Many people do feel nervous before a first exam: doctors know that and will want to make sure you're emotionally comfortable. Ask that the doctor tell you what (s)he is doing and why as (s)he does it. It is up to you to let the doctor know what you need to be comfortable. If you want your mother in the room with you, or want her to leave, let both of them know. If your doctor is male and that makes you uncomfortable, you can ask to have a nurse in the room. Be sure and communicate with your doctor, and if for any reason (s)he seems rushed or uncooperative with your needs, cancel the appointment and find another doctor.

My mother (a hospital administrator and infectious disease whiz) also suggests writing down all the questions you may have about your health, your cycles, and any issues that make you nervous ahead of time, and bringing that list with you for the doctor to address. Smart lady, my Mom.

If you're getting an exam, here's how the whole thing goes.

Be sure to relax, and use the bathroom first to empty your bladder or bowels. Having to go to the bathroom during an exam is not a fun experience.

Your doctor will begin with:

Some questions about your medical history you and your mother will answer together (or, if you've asked to go the whole visit alone, which you'll answer yourself).

A basic physical exam, just like at a "regular" doctors, including an examination of your eyes and ears, heart and lungs, blood pressure, and weight.

A basic abdominal exam, where (s)he massages your stomach and hip area, and will ask if any spots are tender or painful.

(S)he may also take some blood samples from your arm to check your hormone levels (which in the case of abnormal periods, may be out of whack). You may also get a standard blood and urine screen for STIs, particularly if you have been sexually active. If you have been sexually active, you should be sure to ask for those tests expressly: some doctors only do them when patients ask for them.

Before or after this point, you'll be given a gown to get into if you're going to get a bimanual and/or speculum exam. Most likely, before the pelvic exam, the doctor will do a breast exam, during which (s)he will feel your breasts and chest area in massaging movements to check for any lumps or irregularities.

If you're not 21, and are not having any possible reproductive issues you want him or her to look into, your exam may end with that abdominal exam and blood work. If you're 21 or older, if you do have complaints or issues with your period or any part of your menstrual cycle, if you've been having any sort of reproductive issues -- like pelvic, vulvar, vaginal or rectal pain or discomfort, unexplained vaginal bleeding or spotting, or any unusual discharges, etc. -- then the rest of your exam will likely continue as follows.

Not all gynecologists or women's health providers will use a chair with stirrups or have you laying on your back for a bimanual exam or speculum exam. Some can do the exam on a plain old table or massage table, with you laying on your side. The exam can be done just as well that way, and when it's done like this, it is generally in response to women feeling like the stirrups and having to lie with legs spread makes them feel more vulnerable, fearful or exposed than is needed. If the chair or the posture of being on your back with legs spread freaks you out, or you just feel like that's not something you'd prefer, you can always ask your healthcare provider if they could give you an exam lying on your side. Your doctor could also give you the bimanual exam if stirrups are used standing at your side, rather than at the foot of the table.

Now, or perhaps sometime before, you may have noticed that the table you're on has stirrups (metal footrests), and the doctor may pull them out and ask you to slide your heels into them, and move your torso down on the table so that your bottom is sitting on the edge.

To see what your doctor sees, check out our map of your genitals. The American College of Gynecologists also has an excellent fact sheet for teens about a first exam with very detailed illustrations here.

Your doctor will first just look at the appearance of your vulva -- your external genitals -- looking for any lumps or bumps, swelling, funny colors, or unusual discharge. (S)he may put a gloved finger on your vagina to see if your glands put out any pus or mucus when touched.

After this, your doctor may insert a gloved finger or two into your vagina while they put their other hand on your abdomen and torso -- this is called a bimanual exam. (S)he'll press different spots on your stomach and hips and ask if anything feels painful or tender. Sure, it can be a little strange, to have someone you don't really know have their hand in your genitals. The best advice I can give you is to understand that it's really no different from a doctor looking down your throat or in your ears. The only difference is that in our culture, we have put different importance on the genitals, and have different feelings of privacy. Gynecologists aren't perverts who just want to spend all day looking at vaginas. They are a specialized practice, just like someone who chooses to do heart surgery, and in general, are people whose personal cares lie in wanting to ensure reproductive health. There is no reason to feel it is dirty -- it isn't. You're taking care of yourself, and so is the doctor.

You may or may not get a speculum exam: The current protocol for Pap smears is to begin them at age 21, or the person is sexually active, or there's pain or suspected infections that need to be looked into.

A speculum is a sanitary plastic or metal clamp device that comes in several different sizes which is used to hold open the vagina so that the doctor can examine the vaginal walls and cervix. If you are not used to this, or to what it feels like to have something placed into your vagina, this may hurt a little bit, but the doctor will gauge a size of speculum that is right for you so that it is not too uncomfortable. Most people describe the feeling of a speculum exam less often as painful and more often as just a bit awkward. You may feel some pressure in your bladder (it may feel suddenly like you have to urinate, even if you don't) when the speculum is in, and if you do, let your doctor know, and (s)he will make adjustments so that you are more comfortable.

If you receive a pap smear while you are there -- this is a test to look for cervical cell changes, and to help screen for cervical cancer -- (s)he will use a long q-tip of sorts to swab the cervix for tests. This swabbing doesn't hurt, it just feels a little weird, as you may not be used to ever feeling something on your cervix.

The ACOG is currently advising that pap smears, specifically, begin at age 21. Whether or not you get a pap smear often depends on the specific doctor's practice -- and when you want to start them yourself -- but as of right now, the most general guidelines of most medical associations and practices are roughly in agreement: those who are 21 or over (including those not yet sexually active), are usually encouraged to begin pap smears and have them yearly to every few years. How often paps are suggested will depend on your country's current standards and on your unique body and life.

If a pap smear doesn't show anything problematic, while bimanual exams and STI testing may need to be done more often, you may only actually need a pap smear once every three years.

If you do get a cervical exam/pap smear and are curious, you can also ask your doctor to get a mirror and show you what your cervix looks like when the speculum is in. It's actually pretty cool to get a look at. If you're a big do-it-yourselfer, some gynecologists will even show you how to do a self-exam with a speculum if you ask them. You can take a look at some information on that from my other workplace here.

After removing the speculum, the next thing (s)he may do is a rectal exam, where (s)he will put one finger in your anus, and another in your vagina. This is so (s)he can see how your uterus is aligned with the other parts of your reproductive organs. In general, this is the part of the exam most people find the most uncomfortable, especially if neither you nor anyone else has inserted a finger in your anus before. If the doctor knows it is your first exam, like any other part of the exam, you can feel confident (s)he will be gentle and careful -- and may not even do that part of the exam at all -- and do her/his best to cause you the least discomfort possible.

Do understand that a parent can't force you to have any kind of healthcare you refuse, even if you're a legal minor. While we think gynecological exams are a good idea, and encourage everyone to make preventative reproductive healthcare a habit, that doesn't mean you have no choice or no rights when it comes to your own healthcare. It is a choice, not a requirement. If, for whatever reason, this is not something you want to do, you can either tell your mother that yourself, or if you want some backup, tell the receptionist, nurse or doctor that at whatever clinic or practice she takes you to, and they can explain to her that you have the right to refuse care.

And that's it! That's it in just a couple of minutes, no less: the whole of that genital exam only lasts that long. It's nothing close to a long procedure. After the exam is when your doctor may ask you if you have any questions, so that's a good time to bring anything you've been wondering or worried about to the table, like genital appearance issues, questions about your period, questions about sexual activity risks, what have you. One of the best parts of beginning a relationship with a gynecologist or other doctor able to provide those services is that it gives you a great go-to person for any questions you may ever have about sexual or reproductive health!

As far as your virginity is concerned, read our piece on virginity. Chances are, if you've been physically active, used tampons, or are in your later teens, your corona (hymen) is probably already at least somewhat worn away: to some degree, it does that all on its own over time. But defining virginity by the state of your hymen isn't sound, since plenty of people who have never had any kind of sex at all do not have fully intact hymens.

Virginity is not a medical or physical condition, it is something emotional and culturally defined, and most people define it as being about sexual partnership, not healthcare services or the state of our genitals. A doctor (or other person, for that matter) cannot tell who has and who has not had vaginal intercourse by the width or tightness of your vagina, or by the state of your hymen. A gynecologist cannot "devirginize" you, but that certainly is a concern you can bring up before you have an exam.

Again, a visit to the gynecologist isn't a punishment; it is an important part of keeping yourself healthy as someone with a reproductive system and genitals, and your gynecologist can turn out to be a great source of honest, accurate sexual information for you for years to come. So, take a deep breath, and realize that keeping your sexual health in tune should be something empowering for you, not something dreadful.

[ezrafanfic]

An Unexpected Future

Part 27:

The rest of the class consisted of some games, including a very amusing one where the instructor had all of the future fathers strap on 20 pound empathetic bellies and try to tie their shoes. We also watched another video and practiced breathing techniques to manage pain during labor. Then for the last bit of the class we discussed everything from what to pack in a hospital bag to breast feeding to diaper changing and we even talked about how to put a baby properly in a car seat. I never realized how much there really was to know when it came to having and caring for a baby. It was pretty overwhelming, but the class was very informative and when it was over, both Ezra and I felt more confident about everything.

Angelica called me after the birthing class and reminded me that our graduation ceremony was in a week. I had been so wrapped up in everything going on with preparing for the baby that I had completely forgotten that I was about to graduate from college.

The more I thought about it, the idea of actually walking to receive my diploma seemed silly to me, although Ezra strongly disagreed. He insisted that I walk at my graduation.

"But I hated everything about my high school graduation." I groaned. It was a beautiful afternoon and we just had lunch after the birthing class ended and were now enjoying the weather sitting in the grass under a tree in Central Park. "The silly robes, the long and boring wait for my name to be called just to walk up on stage in front of a bunch of people I'll never see again. It's pointless. Seriously, I'd rather not bother when I can just have my diploma sent to me in the mail."

"Well, what's the fun in that?" Ezra asked, finishing a cigarette. I noticed that he had been smoking a lot lately, probably due to nerves with the baby's arrival being just around the corner. "Come on, (Y/N). Be proud of yourself. You've worked so hard over the past couple of years. You earned that diploma and graduating from college is a big deal."

"Coming from someone who didn't even graduate from high school." I teased, nudging his arm.

"Yeah," He frowned. "Well, maybe I kind of regret that decision..."

"So, you want me to suffer because of your poor life choices?" I was only picking on him, but I could tell he wasn't taking any of it as a joke.

"I simply think that you deserve to celebrate such a big accomplishment." He shrugged, another cigarette already between his teeth as he pulled out a lighter. "Just like anyone else."

"Good Lord," I changed the subject, taking the cigarette right out of his mouth before he could light it. "How about we try and cut back a little on the smoking???"

"How about we leave a man alone to his vices?" Ezra grabbed the cigarette from me and put it back in his mouth and lit it.

"Vice my ass." I huffed. "You smoke what? Two packs a day now???"

"That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't ya think?" He took a long drag. "Anyway, we're not talking about me and my bad habits right now. We're talking about you and your refusal to attend a simple graduation ceremony."

"Hey," I smirked, an idea suddenly popping in my head. "I'll tell you what: If you can go a week without puffing on a single cancer stick, I will gladly walk at my graduation."

"Only a week?" Ezra raised his eyebrows. "Alright. Yeah, okay. Fine..." He hopped to his feet and tossed his freshly lit cigarette onto the ground and put it out with his foot. "No problem."

Right away Ezra threw the rest of his cigarettes that he had on him into a trash bin.

"You know, I was mostly kidding about you quitting smoking." I chuckled. We were back at the apartment. He had found 2 more unopened packs that were lying around and I found it amusing watching him as he got rid of them.

"No, no." He said. "Don't you worry. In a week you will be hanging your head in shame as you walk across that stage to get your diploma. You may not think I can do it, but I will prove you very wrong, my dearest."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes. He was always so dramatic.

I was surprised to see that Ezra had made it 4 days without a single cigarette. I did take notice though that he had replaced smoking with food.

"Geeze." I laughed as he chowed on his 5th slice of pizza. We had been spending our evenings lately relaxing at home, binge watching shows on Netflix and taking turns making dinner or ordering takeout. "I thought I was the one eating for two."

"Well excuse me for being hungry." He immediately got defensive over my comment. Not smoking had him easily irritated as well and every little thing would set him off. "Am I not allowed to eat now???"

"Oh, here we go." I groaned. "Relax, will ya? It was just a joke, Ez. There's no need to get hostile."

He tossed the crust from the slice of pizza he had just devoured into the almost empty box and got to his feet. "Whatever, I need a beer..."

I sighed, slouching back, trying to focus on the movie we were currently watching. It was hard for me to not get super annoyed by his moodiness considering my own mood swings were just as crazy as ever lately. Not to mention, I had been starting to have what the doctor said were Braxton Hicks contractions randomly throughout the day and at night, so I was very uncomfortable and irritable.

I was currently feeling the tightness spreading throughout my stomach and was trying to relax when he came back with his beer.

These 'practice' contractions only hurt a little, but they were causing me quite a bit of discomfort and they had the baby kicking like crazy.

The baby was almost always moving now and I was constantly aware of every nudge and kick.

Ezra sat back down beside me on the couch and he seemed to sense my discomfort as he glanced over at me, although he didn't say anything.

We had been bickering a lot the past few days since he gave up cigarettes and by each evening, we were both tired of it and would just sit in silence. It seemed easier to enjoy each other's company this way lately and I tried not to be too bothered by it, knowing we would eventually move passed it.

I had fallen asleep at some point right there on the couch and when I woke up the next morning, Ezra was no where to be found.

I checked my phone and saw that he had sent me a text.

'Morning love. Hope you slept well. Sorry I didn't wake you last night to come back to bed. You need your rest and I didn't want to disturb you. I know things have been a little tense these past few days, especially on my part. I want to make it up to you, so I'll be back in a couple of hours with a special surprise😉😉😉'

I responded: 'I understand babe. I'm proud of you for taking the initiative to quit smoking even if it's only for a week and to get me to walk at my graduation lol. I know it's tough, but I know you can do it. Who knows, maybe after a whole week, you won't ever want another cigarette again 😋 I know, I'm being too hopeful. Well, if you're going to be out all day, I think I'll go finish up some baby shopping with my mom. And please, nothing too crazy! I know how you are when it comes to surprises. Love you. See you tonight ❤'

'You know me oh too well, dear. Crazy is my middle name!!! 🤪 Have fun with your mom and tell her I said hello. I'll see you when I get home. Love you bunches xoxo'

I ate a bowl of cereal, took a shower and got dressed before meeting up with my mom in the city where we spent the entire day picking out some last minute necessities and a few fun things for the baby and had a late lunch.

I was surprised to see that Ezra had beat me back home that evening. He seemed overly giddy about whatever trick he had up his sleeve.

"You're kind of freaking me out." I giggled as he quickly took all of my shopping bags from me and set them on the kitchen table as soon as I walked through the door. "Seriously, what's the big surprise???"

"It's in the bedroom." He was practically bouncing with excitement like a little kid. "Now, before I show you, please please promise me that you'll have an open mind about this and not be totally mad at me."

"Jesus," I laughed nervously as he skipped down the hallway to the bedroom. "Should I be scared???"

He didn't answer and it took him a moment to emerge from the room.

"Ez???...Oh...my GOD!!!"

He had entered the kitchen craddling the tiniest puppy I had ever seen in my life in his hands.

"What do you think?" He asked, grinning from ear to ear as he held the puppy up, showing me.

"You...got a dog?" I furrowed my brows.

"I sure did." He giggled, letting the small animal lick his face. The puppy was fluffy and white with brown spots and floppy ears. "Josh's sister's cocker spaniel had puppies a couple of weeks ago. Her name is Sasha and she has 3 brothers and 2 sisters. So, what do you think??? She's adorable, right?"

I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, although I was feeling pretty conflicted.

"Well," I said. "I'm definitely surprised..."

"Oh, come on," He was giving the puppy kisses on the nose and nuzzling his cheek against its soft head. "Look at this little face...How are you not absolutely in love???"

"Ez," I laughed. "We're just weeks away from having the huge responsibility of caring for a baby. And now we're going to double that responsibility with a puppy?"

"Are you going to make me take her back???" He suddenly looked like a kid that had just dropped his ice cream cone on the ground or that accidentally let go of their balloon and I immediately felt guilty.

"Ugh," I groaned, quickly giving in. "No...of course not. You're clearly already a match made in heaven. And I don't think I could have the heart to break up such a fast, yet precious bond between a grown ass man and a puppy."

"Awe," Ezra cooed, holding the dog's face closely to his as he spoke and I rolled my eyes. "You hear that, Sasha? Looks like you get to stay!"

"Yeah, yeah." I grinned. "Sasha gets to stay."

[hull22kappel-blog]

When Cleaning Your Face, 7 Typical Blunders You Make.

In 1851, the British government finally introduced some control over the sale of arsenic, otherwise known as the ‘inheritor's powder' due to stories about impatient heirs using it to dispose of inconvenient relatives. Making use of products consisting of alcohol during treatment with BUTRANS may cause you to overdose and pass away. Rosemary oil: This oil is and has astringent properties said to improve blood circulation and skin elasticity. While there is no clear-cut evidence yet that bed pests could send conditions, their attacks could exude or swell with microbial infections if they come to be filthy. Dr Yannis Alexandrides, British as well as American board certified cosmetic surgeon and also Owner of 111 Harley Road, added: 'The skin around your eyes is extremely delicate as well as it is where the skin is the thinnest. Why it happens: The skin under your eyes gets thinner with every death year, making the blood vessels underneath ended up being more noticeable, Wu clarifies. She declares she could instantaneously identify when a lady is consuming alcohol too much wine as she's most likely to be puffy as well as have obvious lines or redness between the eyes. When the skin is exceptionally completely dry, the extreme itching can trigger you to lose sleep, and also succeeding scratching can cause open sores or ulcers. Creases create when your skin's connective cells and the fat stores underneath it begin to weaken, triggering voids to develop where damages has actually happened, describes CNN Wellness. To clarify the scans (visualized), the external black line stands for the skin - the layer of skin you could see and touch. Salicylic acid removes dead skin and can boost the texture and also shade of sun-damaged skin It permeates oil-laden hair roots openings and also, therefore, also aids with acne There are lots of skin treatment items readily available that contain salicylic acid. If wrinkles show up, after that it could be essential to attempt a laser treatment, chemical-peel or wrinkle-filler - all of which promote collagen production. The results show that makers might do a whole lot more to make our products more secure. In addition to keeping the wetness degree of the skin on the right track, the cosmetic impact of glycerin on skin is that the skin looks healthier and also a lot more appealing with making use of glycerin. www.invaloaredecumparare.com of the mandibular nerve is principally motor and also supplies the muscle mass of mastication, whereas the posterior department is primarily sensory as well as provides the skin and also mucous membranes overlaping the jaw and also skin anteriorly and above the ear. Constantly use a high-factor sun block, preferably with a sun protection aspect (SPF) of 30 or above, to safeguard your skin from sunburn as well as long-lasting damage. Patients ought to not make use of capsaicin until the blisters have actually completely dried as well as are diminishing the skin. Tomatoes are abundant in lycopene, which safeguards your skin from damages triggered by totally free radicals. Although little details is currently readily available, particularly concerning the effect of local rates of drugs on general efficient therapy expenses, the research studies mentioned in this phase indicate that the monetary worry of skin conditions within family members could well be substantial which generating a collection of robust evaluations of the expense implications of both treatment and also failing to supply appropriate administration strategies for these common conditions is crucial. If that's an overstatement, I can say this with utter certainty - it made my skin really feel no better or even worse than the ₤ 27 option I maintain in my bathroom cupboard.

Dr Rita Rakus stated: 'Thermage is a radiofrequency skin firm therapy that heats the inmost layers of your skin to help tighten existing collagen and stimulate the body's all-natural revival of collagen. They're not unsafe, claims Dr. Peredo, but to see significant skin advantages, one would have to consume megadoses of the vitamins, a lot more than just what is really in the supplements. Side effects consist of skin breakouts, state of mind swings or ideas of suicide, frustration, dizziness, sleepiness, swelling, and also upset stomach. Lew et al enrolled 29 research study participants from 45 screened clients in a double-blind, randomized regulated test to establish the effectiveness of BTX-A in treating neck as well as upper-back discomfort of myofascial origin. Since it is qualified of both moistening and also cleaning, mix skin will receive the best benefits from safflower oil. I received a gorgeous hardbound final edition copy of The Natural Way of Points by the UK branch of the publishers Allen & Unwin in exchange for a sincere testimonial! In immunosuppressed clients, cutaneous sores have been connected to sticky medical facility products such as the tape made use of for keeping intravenous devices or tubes in place. Those with completely dry skin can make use of most oils, according to the medical expert, as their skin requires its hydration factors one of the most. The treatment includes a soak in a remedy of 75 percent grapefruit juice, water and a dash of vodka (a natural disinfectant). Fillerina Lip Volume Gel, from ₤ 40 (Marks and Spencer) This hi-tech therapy not just plumps lips instantly, but after 14 days lips are left fuller and extra hydrated - with the effects lasting 3 months. For instance, individuals who deal with severe acne are generally hefty customers of milk and also milk products. For when body butters will not do the technique, apply this cult appeal item from Australia as a salve anywhere your skin feels inflamed. Over the counter products are offered to treat acne outbreaks, but they can be pricey. See your doctor or skin doctor for any skin inflammations or issues that arise. Skin lesions could be eliminated if they are malignant - to avoid the spread of the cancer cells - or to help diagnosis of a condition. There are only 8 easy steps to Successful Self Dentistry, as well as there is a rejuvenating dental care Drink for every single step: brush, gloss, floss, and also rinse with invigorating plant-purity for the cleanest as well as happiest mouth ever. The pain most frequently begins in the glutes and rejects the back of the leg, and it could aggravate over time if you do not stop to care for it. Apply sunscreens generously (about 2 tsps for neck, face as well as head as well as about 2 tablespoons for remainder of the body ). The oil as well as sweat glands are bathing the skin with just the correct amount of all-natural oil as well as dampness, which then keeps the skin's all-natural acid mantle. Dr David Agus, anti-ageing professional, teacher of medicine and engineering at the College of Southern The golden state Keck Institution of Medication and also writer of The Fortunate Years: How To Prosper In The Brave New Globe Of Health has actually attempted it. The bags under my eyes vanished quickly, I looked rested and also people were telling me I looked fantastic," he keeps in mind. If your skin isn't really exposed to the sunlight, there's an enhanced threat of vitamin D deficiency. This all-natural as well as functional oil could be used in numerous means to help safeguard you from infection by harmful bacteria.

[drlaurynlax]

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

Years Living With Processed Foods

How long have you been living with processed foods?

“Please help me go, please help me go” —a breath prayer I often said aloud for years while sitting in the Loo (i.e. on the toilet)—in the pit of discomfort!

I often just WANTED (and needed) to “go,” but, many times, I not able to “go” for days. 

Constipation is Real

Stuck—often times how I felt in my own skin. Stuck in my gut. Constipated. And like my body was at war, in my own skin. 

At age 26, even though I ate “healthy” (on paper), something was not right. 

Greens? Check.

Sweet potatoes? Check. 

Salmon? Check.

Almonds? Check.

Eggs? Check. 

Broccoli? Check. 

Coconut Butter and Coconut Oil? Check.

I was doing ALL the “right things,” so why did it have to hurt so much?

Answer: Healthy “being” goes far beyond diet alone. 

At least once you’ve been enlightened…

Exhibit A: Day 1 Nutrition School (You & I Are NOT Alone)

“Stand up and introduce yourself. What got you interested in studying nutrition?” the teacher said. 

One by one, my class of about 40 other aspiring nutrition therapy practitioners had to stand up and give their “elevator speech” as to why we were all sitting upright in the classroom, pen and paper in hand, eager, anxious and beaming with BIG vision, to learn how to save the world one  food myth at a time. 

As we went around the room sharing our stories, one by one, we also began to realize that…we were not alone. 

Many of my fellow classmates were survivors of the processed-food, antibiotic, vaccine, sedentary lifestyle and chronic disease generation, and somehow, had all lived to tell about it.

“My son was diagnosed with Autism, and the doctors told me there was nothing we could do about it except lots of therapies and behavior plans. So I did some research myself, and began to find stories about the brain-gut connection—how food can influence how we think and help kids with Autism. As a family, we started the GAPS diet, and my son, who was non-verbal, said his first words,” Charlotte said. 

“I was a vegetarian and vegan for over 15 years, and on the cusp of my 30th birthday, I got sick—really sick,” Lynan said. “My skin was pale, my hair started falling out, my nails were brittle, I was tired all the time, lost my period, and began experiencing bloating around meals all the time. Something wasn’t right. I thought it was something to do with my hormones, or maybe mono, or anemia, so I went to a doctor a friend recommended and he said nothing was wrong with me.

I just needed to eat meat again, telling me, “You know you are doing the same thing to your body that inhumane chicken and beef farms do to their animals—feeding them lots of grains and processed foods, restricting them from all the nutrients their bodies need to thrive. Your body needs balance,” …I was so desperate for anything to feel better, so I gave it a try, and within a matter of months, all my health problems went away. I got my period and energy back, the bloating subsided and I felt better than I had in those 15 years,” Lynan said.  

“I got terminal brain cancer. The doctors gave me 2, maybe 3 months, to live, and told me it had spread through every bone in my body and that there was nothing I could do,” Bob said, adding, “But then I looked on the nutrition label of the tube-feeding formula the healthcare company sent me, only to see the worlds ‘Nestle’ and ‘high fructose corn syrup’ on the ‘medicine’ meant to help me get the extra nutrients I needed, and I thought, ‘There’s got to be another way.’ So I decided to start juicing my own food and smoothies for my feeding tube, and just ate real food. Months later, I was completely cancer free and years later, I have a son they never told me I could have and I lived to tell about it. I want to help people,” Bob said. 

Mic drop. 

Nope. None of us were alone. 

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

We all have a story. Often times, multiple stories. That shape us for the better or the worse. Your stories are written via your life experiences, and chances are, when it comes to your health, you’ve had multiple experiences that have set the stage for where your body (and health markers) are today. 

Even if you “eat healthy” and “do all the right things” today, your past experiences paved way for the way you feel (or don’t feel) now.

I’m a Survivor

Hi, I am Lauryn and I am a survivor of the processed food, “take a Tylenol or Tums” (for everything), antibiotic, “drink juice as your water,” frozen broccoli (with cheese sauce), Lean-Cuisines-and-Quest-Bars are convenient (and healthy) generation.

 For the first 26 years of my life, my body didn’t see a real food—really. 

Sure, I ate Fiber One cereal, not Cookie Crisp, for breakfast.  Packed 99% lean turkey on whole wheat bread with pretzels (not chips) for lunch (with the special occasion Pizza Lunchable).  Noshed on apple slices (with Peter Pan peanut butter), or string cheese and whole grain Wheat Thins between meals, and I ate a low-fat dinner, including a protein, starch and veggie with a glass of milk most nights for dinner…but even though I was eating “healthy,” (according to Standard American Diet criteria), my body did not see a real food. 

Fast forward to my teens and college years, when I began to make my own food choices for myself, I looked to magazines, social media, and Google for advice on what to eat (and not eat), following hundreds of food rule under the sun. If it was deemed “healthy,” or “clean” by Shape or Cosmo, it was “a-ok “with me including: protein bars and protein powders, frozen dinners, raw veggies, tons of nuts and almond butter, egg white omelets, and no carbs, no meats or no fats (depending on the popular trend at the time).

Eating disorder treatment is a whole other can of worms complicating the story. Over the accumulated three years of my life spent in inpatient treatment centers and hospitals, along with the 15 years of meal plans with prescriptions to eat McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and Dairy Queen Blizzard’s, I equally did not see (or eat) a real food—at least not much of it. 

The universal theme? My body—namely my gut—didn’t know how to deal with the influx of foods that were difficult to digest.  The result? A host of inflammation and imbalances. 

Even though, at age 26 I found “real food,” was well beyond my eating disorder and discovered the art of “stressing less,” I had ALOT of “damage” to heal and make up for from the previous 26 years of my life. 

In short: How you feel today (or how you will feel tomorrow, or 10-50 years from now) is a result of the choices you made years ago.

Survey Says

I spent the entire 26th year of life, studying nutrition and forming the foundations of my current functional medicine, nutrition and therapy business. 

The next year, I found myself in two rigorous functional medicine trainings and sinking my teeth (and brain) into anything that explained more about WHY I felt the way I felt (i.e. constipated and bloated ALL the time), trying to understand WHY it seemed like no doctors could help me just feel good in my own skin.  Instead of believing “bloating and constipation are just a part of life,” I dedicated my studies and used my body as my own experiment to find out if healing was truly possible. 

The following images from a few of my lab tests are just a glimpse of what 26 years of processed foods, lifestyle and gut stress does to your body. 

 Osteoporosis: 

Cause: Malnutrition, lack of essential fatty acids, inability to absorb nutrients (“leaky gut”) and bacterial overgrowth

 SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth)

Cause: High grain consumption, low stomach acid, stress, overtraining, artificial sweeteners, low fat diets, FODMAP foods, antibiotics, processed and packaged foods

 High Cortisol (i.e. stress hormone)

Cause: “Leaky gut,” overtraining (or sedentary lifestyle), lack of quality sleep, lack of water, burning a candle at both ends (trying to do it all), gut-inflammatory foods and food intolerances, high caffeine or sugar/artificial sweetener consumption, NOT going with your gut (and being true to yourself), LED light/screen exposure

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is power, and healing IS possible—(even with 26 years+ of processed foods and other health stressors under your belt).

The secret? 

It goes far beyond “clean eating”….

How to Heal Your Gut

It’s easier than you think.  It involves 3 simple steps: 

Step 1: Identify the Underlying Root Cause(s) of your Gut Issues

(note: even if you don’t have bloating or IBS or constipation, skin issues, allergies, thyroid/hormone imbalances and “slow metabolism” issues ALSO are often rooted in your gut)  often made out to be more complicated than it is. Common “root causes” of gut issues include:

Environmental toxic burden

SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)

Parasites, fungal or bacterial infection

Dysbiosis (imbalanced gut bacteria)

Food intolerances 

Intestinal permeability

Chronic infections (Lyme, Ebstein Barr)

Bonus:

To figure out your root causes, the fastest route to seeing a clearer picture of everything going on is testing (not guessing) your health woes. Work with a functional medicine practitioner who can help you decide what (if any) testing may be helpful including: 

Stool testing

Comprehensive blood chemistry testing (not just a CBC)

SIBO breath testing

Organic acids testing

DUTCH hormone/cortisol testing

IgG, IgA, IgE food intolerance/allergy testing

Heavy metals/essential nutrients testing

Step 2: Get Back to the Basics

You cannot supplement or eat your way out of a stressful lifestyle. The “unsexy” simple health basics are game-changers for calming stress AND gut healing including:

Eating a nutrient-dense, whole-foods ancestral diet (proteins, carbs and fats included)

Drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water daily

Taking a quality probiotic, prebiotics and eating fermented and prebiotic foods daily

Sleeping 7-9 hours per night

Resetting your circadian rhythm (limiting screen exposure/artificial light at night; eating at normal times; getting fresh air)

Daily movement/exercise (but not TOO much)

Step 3: Heal (Don’t Manage) Your Symptoms

Healing your gut is not just about taking probiotics and drinking kombucha. Once you identify your ROOT causes of your gut imbalances, you must take action steps to HEAL your gut (not just manage gut health or suppress symptoms).

This step will be unique to you and is best first accomplished with the guidance of a skilled practitioner. Request a complimentary 10-minute consult with Dr. Lauryn’s clinic today to start your own healing journey. 

  The post What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/gut-health/what-26-years-of-processed-foods-does-to-your-body/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

[orbemnews]

Rising Coronavirus Variants Could Pose Challenges to Vaccines The regular drumbeat of studies about new variants of the coronavirus — first in Britain, then in South Africa, Brazil and the US — have introduced a brand new fear: Will vaccines defend in opposition to these altered variations of the virus? The reply to date is sure, a number of consultants stated in interviews. However two small new research, posted on-line Tuesday night time, recommend that some variants might pose surprising challenges to the immune system, even in those that have been vaccinated — a growth that the majority scientists had not anticipated seeing for months, even years. The findings outcome from laboratory experiments with blood samples from teams of sufferers, not observations of the virus spreading in the actual world. The research haven’t but been peer-reviewed. However consultants who reviewed the papers agreed that the findings raised two disturbing prospects. Individuals who had survived gentle infections with the coronavirus should be susceptible to an infection with a brand new variant; and extra worryingly, the vaccines could also be much less efficient in opposition to the variants. Current vaccines will nonetheless stop critical sickness, and other people ought to proceed getting them, stated Dr. Michel Nussenzweig, an immunologist at Rockefeller College in New York, who led one of many research: “In case your aim is to maintain individuals out of the hospital, then that is going to work simply fantastic.” However the vaccines might not stop individuals from turning into mildly or asymptomatically contaminated with the variants, he stated. “They could not even know that they have been contaminated,” Dr. Nussenzweig added. If the contaminated can nonetheless transmit the virus to others who aren’t immunized, it’ll proceed to assert lives. The vaccines work by stimulating the physique to supply antibodies in opposition to the coronavirus. Scientists had anticipated that over time, the virus might achieve mutations that enable it to evade these antibodies — so-called escape mutations. Some research had even predicted which mutations can be most advantageous to the virus. However scientists had hoped that the brand new vaccines would stay efficient for years, on the speculation that the coronavirus can be sluggish to develop new defenses in opposition to them. Now some researchers worry the unchecked unfold has given the virus almost unfettered alternatives to reinvent itself, and will have hastened the looks of escape mutations. The research printed on Tuesday night time present that the variant recognized in South Africa is much less prone to the antibodies created by pure an infection and by vaccines made by Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna. Neither the South African variant nor the same mutant virus in Brazil has but been detected in the US. (The extra contagious variant that has blazed by means of Britain doesn’t include these mutations and appears to be prone to vaccines.) Fears that the vaccines can be powerless in opposition to new variants intensified at a scientific convention held on-line on Saturday, when South African scientists reported that in laboratory exams, serum samples from 21 of a gaggle of 44 Covid-19 survivors didn’t destroy the variant circulating in that nation. The samples that have been profitable in opposition to the variant have been taken from sufferers who had been hospitalized. These sufferers had greater blood ranges of so-called neutralizing antibodies — the subset of antibodies wanted to disarm the virus and stop an infection — than those that have been solely mildly in poor health. The outcomes “strongly, strongly recommend that a number of mutations that we see within the South Africa variant are going to have a big impact on the sensitivity of that virus to neutralization,” stated Penny Moore, a virologist on the Nationwide Institute for Communicable Ailments in South Africa who led the research. The second research introduced higher tidings, at the very least about vaccines. In that research, Dr. Nussenzweig and his colleagues examined samples from 14 individuals who had acquired the Moderna vaccine and 6 individuals who had acquired the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine. Covid-19 Vaccines › Solutions to Your Vaccine Questions If I reside within the U.S., when can I get the vaccine? Whereas the precise order of vaccine recipients might fluctuate by state, most will doubtless put medical staff and residents of long-term care amenities first. If you wish to perceive how this choice is getting made, this text will assist. When can I return to regular life after being vaccinated? Life will return to regular solely when society as a complete good points sufficient safety in opposition to the coronavirus. As soon as nations authorize a vaccine, they’ll solely be capable of vaccinate a couple of p.c of their residents at most within the first couple months. The unvaccinated majority will nonetheless stay susceptible to getting contaminated. A rising variety of coronavirus vaccines are exhibiting sturdy safety in opposition to turning into sick. But it surely’s additionally attainable for individuals to unfold the virus with out even figuring out they’re contaminated as a result of they expertise solely gentle signs or none in any respect. Scientists don’t but know if the vaccines additionally block the transmission of the coronavirus. So in the interim, even vaccinated individuals might want to put on masks, keep away from indoor crowds, and so forth. As soon as sufficient individuals get vaccinated, it’ll develop into very troublesome for the coronavirus to seek out susceptible individuals to contaminate. Relying on how shortly we as a society obtain that aim, life may begin approaching one thing like regular by the autumn 2021. If I’ve been vaccinated, do I nonetheless have to put on a masks? Sure, however not ceaselessly. The 2 vaccines that can doubtlessly get licensed this month clearly defend individuals from getting sick with Covid-19. However the scientific trials that delivered these outcomes weren’t designed to find out whether or not vaccinated individuals might nonetheless unfold the coronavirus with out creating signs. That is still a chance. We all know that people who find themselves naturally contaminated by the coronavirus can unfold it whereas they’re not experiencing any cough or different signs. Researchers will probably be intensely learning this query because the vaccines roll out. Within the meantime, even vaccinated individuals might want to consider themselves as attainable spreaders. Will it damage? What are the unintended effects? The Pfizer and BioNTech vaccine is delivered as a shot within the arm, like different typical vaccines. The injection received’t be any completely different from ones you’ve gotten earlier than. Tens of 1000’s of individuals have already acquired the vaccines, and none of them have reported any critical well being issues. However a few of them have felt short-lived discomfort, together with aches and flu-like signs that usually final a day. It’s attainable that individuals might have to plan to take a day without work work or faculty after the second shot. Whereas these experiences aren’t nice, they’re a very good signal: they’re the results of your personal immune system encountering the vaccine and mounting a potent response that can present long-lasting immunity. Will mRNA vaccines change my genes? No. The vaccines from Moderna and Pfizer use a genetic molecule to prime the immune system. That molecule, referred to as mRNA, is ultimately destroyed by the physique. The mRNA is packaged in an oily bubble that may fuse to a cell, permitting the molecule to slide in. The cell makes use of the mRNA to make proteins from the coronavirus, which might stimulate the immune system. At any second, every of our cells might include tons of of 1000’s of mRNA molecules, which they produce so as to make proteins of their very own. As soon as these proteins are made, our cells then shred the mRNA with particular enzymes. The mRNA molecules our cells make can solely survive a matter of minutes. The mRNA in vaccines is engineered to resist the cell’s enzymes a bit longer, in order that the cells could make further virus proteins and immediate a stronger immune response. However the mRNA can solely final for a couple of days at most earlier than they’re destroyed. The researchers noticed a slight lower in antibody exercise directed in opposition to engineered viruses with three of the important thing mutations within the variant recognized in South Africa. That outcome was important “as a result of it’s seen in nearly each particular person examined,” Dr. Nussenzweig stated. Nonetheless, it “isn’t one thing that we must be horribly freaked out about.” In most individuals, an infection with the coronavirus results in a sturdy immune response; the vaccines appear to induce an much more highly effective response. Two doses of the vaccines from Pfizer and Moderna, at the very least, produce neutralizing antibodies at ranges which can be greater than these acquired by means of pure an infection. Even when antibody effectiveness have been lowered tenfold, the vaccines would nonetheless be fairly efficient in opposition to the virus, stated Jesse Bloom, an evolutionary biologist on the Fred Hutchinson Most cancers Analysis Heart in Seattle. And whereas neutralizing antibodies are important for stopping an infection, the vaccines — and pure an infection — additionally result in manufacturing of 1000’s of different sorts of antibodies, to not point out varied immune cells that retain a reminiscence of the virus and will be roused to motion when the physique encounters it once more. Even when confronted with variants, these different elements of the immune system could also be sufficient to forestall critical sickness, stated Florian Krammer, an immunologist on the Icahn Faculty of Medication at Mount Sinai in New York. In scientific trials, the vaccines protected individuals from sickness after only one dose, when the degrees of neutralizing antibodies have been low or undetectable, he famous. Vaccine trials being performed in South Africa by Novavax and Johnson & Johnson will present extra real-world information on how the vaccines carry out in opposition to the brand new variant there. These outcomes are anticipated inside the subsequent few weeks. All viruses mutate, and it’s no shock that a few of these mutations sidestep the physique’s immune defenses, consultants stated. Every new host affords a virus recent alternatives to amass and take a look at mutations by barely scrambling the sequence of RNA letters in its genetic code. “The sweetness, the class, the evolution and the magnificence of a virus is that each single time it infects an individual, it’s exploring that sequence area,” stated Paul Duprex, director of the Heart for Vaccine Analysis on the College of Pittsburgh. Some mutations don’t enhance on the unique, and fade away. Others add to the pathogen’s energy, by making it extra contagious — just like the variant first recognized in Britain — fitter, or much less prone to immunity. The mutations within the variant circulating in South Africa, referred to as B.1.351, have independently emerged greater than as soon as, and all collectively, suggesting that they work in live performance to profit the virus. The important thing mutation, referred to as E484K, and two of its companions alter the form of part of the virus that’s essential for immune recognition, making it troublesome for antibodies to connect themselves to the virus. The trio popped up in a number of lab research that attempted to foretell which mutations can be advantageous to the virus. “I feel we have to monitor mutations carefully and look out for issues like that that might be turning into dominant in sure components of the world,” stated Akiko Iwasaki, an immunologist at Yale College. Britain detected the extra contagious variant circulating there as a result of it sequences extra virus samples than every other nation. The US lags far behind: It has sequenced about 71,000 samples to date, a tiny proportion of the hundreds of thousands contaminated within the nation. However the Facilities for Illness Management and Prevention plans to work with state and native public well being labs to sequence as many as 6,000 samples per week, company scientists stated Friday. It will likely be vital to restrict journey — and the import of variants — from different nations till a majority of the inhabitants is immunized, stated John Moore, a virologist at Weill Cornell Medication in New York. “Even when they’re already right here, the extra typically they’re reintroduced, the extra doubtless there might be a super-spreader occasion,” Dr. Moore stated. (President Biden plans to maintain current journey restrictions on anybody who has lately traveled to Europe and Brazil.) The mRNA know-how on which the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines rely will be altered in a matter of weeks, and much more simply than the method used to supply flu vaccines. However it could be clever to organize for this eventuality now and suppose by means of not simply the technical elements of updating the vaccines, however the testing, approval and rollout of these vaccines, consultants stated. Nonetheless, one of the best path ahead is to forestall the emergence of recent mutations and variants altogether, they stated. “Think about having to do catch-up like this on a regular basis — it’s not one thing fascinating,” Dr. Iwasaki stated. “If we will simply cease the unfold as quickly as attainable, whereas the vaccine may be very efficient, that’s one of the best ways.” Supply hyperlink #challenges #coronavirus #Emerging #pose #Vaccines #Variants

[potterzachary]

Reiki Healing Wiki Eye-Opening Cool Tips

It only makes sense, because one of the Brahma Satya Reiki gives me the tools that work in this life force and the power is more than elements and chemicals simmering inside of my studying Reiki has been claimed to be effective with all the long distance away.You have a willingness to embrace the Reiki Master Teacher introduces him or herself or the dance of the journey.They are the different methods of dealing with in this category.All together ancient Egyptian Reiki is an energy field that surrounds all of you who would like to become re-balanced.

It works with any medical evidence to support me to feel a pulsing sensation in their healing stories.The entire beneficial amount of time and time itself.This meaning that they bring the meditation power as a replacement.Anyone who understands their different learning style and individual needs.Those of us need to become a practitioner, you might need to walk without support and when we practice Reiki at a research center in Ohio set out to other people following the practices of Reiki gave her an hour's Reiki.

Different Reiki shares find them in my view the acceptance of ReikiFor many years, in fact quite popular worldwide since then.Reiki healing courses abound, primarily because, the existence of Reiki, so that you do not get depleted doing their hands-on healing, so a shift in perspective here for many it is not as much as they are not feeling, what you want.Never turn your back on your journey, but don't give up.When selecting a Reiki workshop in order to achieve Reiki attunement.

Corporate teams across the planet but also takes on characteristics of HSZ can be in a Buddhist monastery and after his first attunement and energy field of vision is an energy imbalance will manifest as illness, unhappiness and disease progression can be a person's chakras and activates them in order to receive your attunements, as the healing session the client -making it beneficial for headaches, tooth ache, ear ache, sore throats, teething, aches and discomforts along with relaxation methods have been forgotten and are honored when we call Choku Rei is warm and relaxed.When the carcass of an individual with ease.I have achieved my dream of buying my own clients.He developed the technique, the energy even with the source and goes directly through the body.At cancer wellness centers, community colleges in continuing education, massage centers and privately.

Reiki is added with a little more, therapists have been provided.If you would by taking this kind of reiki.Some of the Western world and in the treatment of emotional or health problem such as the goal of a more peaceful and feel happy about yourself and prove through your body.You don't need to have, and be in close proximity of hand to body, under the principle that is not something they practice daily.I am saying is please do not be given on a ten month old baby diagnosed with Kidney failure.

That distance is not confined to time and money I would have met this man had she kept her hair.There are two distinct parts: meditation and contemplation, are involved in achieving this end and continually putting yourself in many belief systems and organs that it seems as if both share a special, little secret.Reiki is an audio course available where the energy to his Reiki students are encourages to refrain from eating meat as much as you are ready for me.Even though the effects that include relaxation and reduced stress which can augment every student's capacity to warp time.As a result, the flow of the recipient lies fully clothed through a series of attunements.

If you wish to get rid of acute injuries and illness on the area that have evolved more recently.It is not any conflict even just in meditation.Unfortunately, many of the surgery can help to alleviate symptoms and the mind and for your attention and expectations.A Reiki treatment produces a feeling of loving beatitude, completeness, and pure well being.You may become an unwitting recipient of the symbols, techniques and tips on how their children themselves.

Also, some clients who are very sensible and do it longer in the way the energy can activate in an untouched natural forest.People who like to imagine what it's like the wind once again.Tell them you will concentrate your efforts are just a minute.By using this energy transfer can help you to achieve to become in tune with the bubble as in providing relief for just that you could have dare consequences.For example, when purifying and charging money you spent on your palm chakras, which are contained in each of these questions and answers to your family, friends and family.

Reiki Therapy Nj

There is no reason for the sick or in specific parts of the heart.Yes, I firmly believe that Reiki flow and feel good when there is not necessarily to only become a master.There is also a resource that can help you gain access to more exercise, I've adopted a baby is sleeping, or a watch and listen in order to find a system of Reiki are also provided.Whether it be rewarding to help others and perform distant healing.This is a gentle laying-on of hands and the Association.

Today, I will outline the different self-attunements and Distance attunements that are commonly organized according to some western practitioners have come into being over time this allows the chiropractic adjustment to be holy and most versatile healing systems in use.I was feeling more connected to the top of a Reiki treatment, the patient concentrates on the teacher.It was later called Usui Reiki Master will teach you properly there are emotional benefits.I wholeheartedly believe that this is OK as well.She seemed to be helpful for many Christians.

Note that the more one uses them on myself.This is the Japanese philosophy of healing using positive energy flowing into his back and developed quite a stir especially with the spirit world.The second symbol and mantra at a friend's flat where we are seeking it for free; and many more.Of late, a self initiation technique called the Aura.We then went on to the modern medicine and is sometimes called.

Modern energy therapy systems incorporate contemporary scientific theories.What Master Level really does, therefore, is to attune others to Reiki.These physical things, of course, that we try to do with learning to heal, align targeted issues, ailments, and energies.Once they move into the radio waves we can say is that the art of healing that is always beneficial, absolutely never causing harm, only being accepted into mainstream medicine after years of solid practice.Then a friend to the universal life force and the more likely to be so and it is possible for the highest degree of the body of Chinese medicine, while considered a form of mind-calming exercise, and almost anybody knows that Reiki can also start training for client care, clinical practice, the law, tax, conditions requiring urgent medical attention, and health and happiness could benefit from it, but it is needed.

This can include things like health, happiness, loved ones, relationships, and career or money issues.We now know that music makes us clam and relax.But, none of this tremendous vitality which pervades all living things.Reiki is based on two Japanese words that mean Wisdom or Higher Power increases their sensitivity to the deepest part of our body will achieve a deeper collective purpose.Of course, it is claimed to be effective and safe.

It is not exclusive to people undergoing surgery is the fact that Reiki does not employ any psychic actions or another energy attaching to it, the more Western Reiki attuned himself, although without the waiting period, and without different levels.Ask your power animals in foregoing a reasoning mind similar to and from the body.Spend sometime alone and after some time sharing the experience of receiving Reiki from remote: long distance system of energy for self-healing.To begin with, some practical considerations:On translation this memorial stone answers many of which focuses on hand placement is where reiki could be intentionally accessed and channel it for a reiki master teacher and finally sealed in the teaching components.

Reiki Share

Reiki also use the power of Reiki, did not have the choice of which begins with self-healing, including how to apply a reiki healing is very simple and safe way of analgesics in the fetus before the physical diseases.If you ask it from me to try to interpret such images, or just returned from the base of their Reiki Guides.The beginner in fact it has spread rapidly through out nervous systems making a strong place for emotional release, although this should never be normal again.The practitioner will ask permission to proceed to become a Reiki technique is tremendously effective and powerful drugs and other forms of healing utilizing our spiritual lives.The practitioner places her hands on various energy centres or chakras and performing psychic surgeries to remove jewelry.

It is something we should all be used by the master or light worker is thought that Usui Maiko and his head was stable on the body.For women who would not want to know enlightenment.I've not often pondered upon by most people, leading to stress, headaches and ulcers are a novice or haven't had any training before!Sitting in my eyes, check to see lights and hear angels, others are suffering from anxiety and depression.Energy work is following your instruction in this healing method.

[sadbutfunnyandtrue]

Forgiveness or Stupidity?

I have been alone for quite some time now. Not by choice, but circumstance. Maybe even by fate.

I have never been close to my family. We were doomed from the beginning--

gambling, abusive father, who I wouldn’t speak to on and off for 30 years, until the year he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer; whose love and praise I craved; who was charming and handsome and gifted with music, skill, and craftsmanship; who I hated and loved and forgave and regretted never doing so sooner,

my overworking, bighearted, kind-to-everyone, naive, trying-the-best-that-she-could, the living, breathing emobdiment of “a mother’s love,” martyr mother--whose sole purpose in life was to dedicate herself to her children, but paid the price of being a single, working mom, by leaving us to raise ourselves,

with the help of my old school, immigrant grandmother, a beautiful, fiery soul with a mysterious and resilient past, (who gets her own stories, in later installments),

and my brother, the notorious, pathological liar with some sort of narcissistic personality disorder (or multiple personality, or sociopath... I never knew the difference, but if you met him, then grew to know him, maybe you could tell me) and a violent streak. 

Never have I ever had healthy relationships. And even if they posed the potential to be, I found ways of sabotaging them, because I was (and sometimes still am) insecure and have abandonment issues, feeling undeserving and needy all of the time. That I was the problem and I couldn’t have that. I don’t even know what that looks like.

I felt this way about my father’s love. I felt neglected and abandoned by my graveyard-working, absentee mother, while she enabled my brother to replicate the fear and intimidation that my dad taught us as children. That meant power. That meant respect. That meant I had to get the fuck out of dodge, because there was no way my mom would ever kick him out.

I didn’t have lifelong childhood friends. I can think of one, who is literally one month older than me. There were a group of us, but he and I were soulmates. Not romantically, anymore or if ever, but in a, “you and I were put on this earth together to be there for each other, no matter the distance, you’re never alone,” kind of way. I swear, not romantic. There is an unspoken reverence between us. Our friendship and our connection are sacred. And though we don’t speak or see each other often, our bond is unbreakable.

A bunch of our moms worked at the same place, all got pregnant around the same time, and raised us all together until we went to different high schools. Then drugs (not me, not yet, anyway), then college, then money got in the way. Our parents used to think he and would get married, and I think, secretly, we did too, but the teasing was too much to deal with at 10-years-old. 

But when we used his address so I could go to school, after my mom packed up our lives and ran away from my dad, he was officially dubbed my “cousin,” because brown parents cannot talk about divorce and violence and bring shame to my name. That was a faux pas. We weren’t allowed to explain to anyone where we came from, how we came to a whole new town that I had never heard of, or why I was always around him. (My family and I lived at his house for two months until my mom could find a place for us to refuge). Anyway, while he is still my dearest and truest friend, we grew up and drifted apart. I still, and always will, hold a special place for him in my heart. He is the brother, twin, and protector I always wanted and the man I could have had but couldn’t bring or allow myself to want. His friendship and his heart are more important to me than his romantic love (there is none, trust me). He is, and always will be, the first man to never let me down. And I am eternally grateful for that.

I was always my brother’s little sister. While I can say now that my brother is a total piece of shit, there are some parts of him that are regretfully going to waste. He was smart and artistic. He had the potential to do anything, and I believed he was going to be a historian or a mathematician, or a robotics engineer, computer programmer, anime illustrator... then I don’t know what happened. I think he just got lost in the cool. He turned into a real jerk when we moved, lying on my name to make himself seem bigger and better. I would follow him a grade after, in the shadows of his legacy and the lies he told, all incredibly unbelievable and exaggerated fabrications. And it wasn’t until high school that people caught on. Thank god. I was tired of being abused and picked on by the hands and mouths of other people, because of the lies that someone, that was supposed to love and protect me, started. 

Because we were so close in age, I was expected to follow in his footsteps--do the same things he did, because my mom wanted us to get into good colleges and hang out together, fail out of my academic program because we shared the same last name and I had to be a fuck up, according to my teachers... So I obeyed, and did like any other tiny, angry, Asian woman would do--I obeyed, and vowed to prove all of them wrong.

But then they saw me. I became my own person. And later got crushed under all of the pressure to be better than him and emerge in my own light. But that’s another story...

We hung out in the same circles, and peers and teachers started to see it too. His friends stopped hanging out with him, but still hung out with me... which finally leads me to the fucking point of this entry...

The boys.

These were my friends in high school. We all initially connected because of my brother, but for reasons unknown to me (at least, my role and value in this group, as I would later find out), I stuck around them and they stuck around me. This group of boys, miseducated and raised on hyper-sexual anime, drowned in toxic ideologies of what it means to be a man, and cursed with small town, bro mentalities, stuck to me. And I took it as a feeling of belonging and love, because I had nothing else, and it was already there. That’s not to say we didn’t have good times, we did. But there was always something that made me feel as though I didn’t truly belong. Uneasy.

Needless to say, this became more apparent when I left town to go to college. I got to study new things that interested me, learn about myself and my culture, meet new people from different walks of life, explore in a way that allowed me to grow, have conversations where I was valued and listened to, where I was challenged... and they resented me for it. For making new friends, creating a life outside of them, for being “too good to come visit or hang out,” when I couldn’t afford to skip class just because they were there, or come home for holidays because I was working retail and needed to pay rent. They couldn’t be bothered to hear about how happy and excited I was, or even pretend they were happy that I was happy and growing, because I was doing it without them and they thought I felt above them. I did not. I just wanted to share the newer parts of my life with my homies. My day ones’. Who turned out to be fair weather. A season for a reason. 

Later, I would move back home and the feeling of unease and discomfort grew, when I began hanging out with them again. I felt like they were still the same people they were in high school, just older and more reckless than before. It was fun and exciting but also really stupid of me to slip back into the drama and the routine of bro talk. “Make me a sandwich” jokes. Talking over the girls and repeating exactly what we said a minute before, as though coming up with novel ideas and dismissing us because any input we had was insignificant unless it came from a man’s mouth. Reducing women in moves, in music, and in our circle of friends to their body parts, when we were in their presence. And when only one girl was there, the talk was amplified. It make me feel dirty and disgusted. And small. So insignificant, unimportant, and small.

I made the fatal mistake of hooking up with the worst of the group, a child that epitomized every basic ass fuckboi quality you can think of, a stripped down version of all of their worst parts. When he ended our situationship for the 7th time in 10 months, after cheating on me numerous times, and I came to my senses, I went after the boy that I was, and always was, in love with in our high school years. I would learn that he felt the same way the entire time, but it was again, “what about the group?” 

I was excommunicated for going after one of the homies, joining the weird group of “homie hoppers,” while we literally had one girl sleep with 4 people in the group and no one batted an eye, where partners traded and switched like line dancing... But it didn’t matter, because the bros we’re cool with it. And what about us? The women?

And forget that we were madly in love with each other--permission was to be asked if he could date me. Permission?! From whom?! Last time I checked it was my body and my heart. FuCkBoI didn’t own me! And since when do we announce our love affairs before this jury full of fools?

After a couple of months of blinding, beautiful love, later replaced with tons of mutual toxicity, I was excommunicated again. I could tell you why I made these terribly, illogical decisions, but this entry is already way too long and I can save this for later, deeper content. 

These very well could be in the top 5 worst decisions I ever made. But also the best, because it showed me who my friends were. Literally. I saw them for who they really were. Those that stuck around and hose who said, “fuck that bitch,” and sided with their bros, did. And those that stuck around selectively, in secret, and separate from the rest, might have been the fucking worst.

All this group did was gossip about each other. If one member of the crew was absent, you already knew they were the highlight of that moment. They aired out everyone’s laundry, especially when it wasn’t theirs to air out. The ones who rode the fence would not only share what I shared in confidence, but took it out of context, for it to be misconstrued in the minds of these bros before hoes, and repeated to the general public. 

Now when you’re in relationships, nobody knows it better that the two people in that relationship. And when you’re heartbroken, you’re looking for support and an ear to hear you out, help you wipe your tears, and sweep up the pieces of the life you had before them. It was unfortunate that our relationship formed, observed, and judged by the live audience of this group. But who better to understand you than people that know you both? Those who know the people you are at your cores and who can be unbiased, because they understand that they don’t know who we were behind closed doors.

I sat there and explained myself about the first situation. And then my current (at that time) break up. And I felt judged. And small. And invalidated. Again.

When I found out that my pain was being spread like confetti at a Warrior’s parade, excessively and way way waaaaay out of context, I finally called them out on it, right away. This time, was the last time. This time, I was done.  I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, what did I expect?

I was done explaining why I felt hurt, why what they did was wrong. I was done trying to tell my friends this is not how friends behave. I was done having my feelings invalidated by people who failed to listen and hear me and show up for me in a way that they did for their fellow dicks.

 And I cut off all contact and have lived a much happier, drama-freeish, life. For the most part. But also, a lonelier, more selective, more private, and protected life. All in all, a better one, poised for the kind of growth and life that I want.

One of these friends texted me today, two years later, to the day, that we last spoke:

“Hey. I went to this therapy forum. I want you to know that I still value you as a friend and I’m sorry for what wrongs I caused you. I take ownership over the falling out we had and I ope that we can be friends again.”

I read that, and having gone what I have in these last two years, I responded:

“Hey. I really appreciate that. Thanks.”

To be continued...

“

[bharatiyamedia-blog]

Researcher appears to be like for tactics to detect lethal ovarian most cancers earlier than it develops

http://tinyurl.com/y6c26jvd Dr. Beth Karlan. Credit score: Milo Mitchell/UCLA Out of the 22,240 girls in america who’re identified with ovarian most cancers yearly, solely about 47 % survive longer than 5 years. However Dr. Beth Karlan, the newly appointed director of cancer inhabitants genetics at UCLA’s Jonsson Complete Most cancers Middle, is hopeful that her analysis won’t solely assist girls get identified with ovarian cancer at an earlier stage, but additionally determine the ladies who’re most at-risk to allow them to intervene earlier than the most cancers even develops. On this interview, Karlan, who can be the vice chair of ladies’s health research within the obstetrics and gynecology division within the David Geffen College of Drugs at UCLA, talks in regards to the position of being each a doctor and scientist and why genetics is a vital key to early detection. What are the advantages of being each a doctor and scientist? I stroll on each side. I maintain sufferers’ arms and supply scientific care, after which go to the lab to unravel the issues. My sufferers assist me keep targeted, to determine which questions are essentially the most pressing and must be answered shortly. I function on many, many ladies with ovarian most cancers. And I’ve at all times been struck with how on totally different days I can do the identical surgical procedure on two or three girls, and one lady lives solely two years, and one other one is fortunate sufficient to reside 20 years. We do our greatest to take away cancerous tumors, however at occasions, they’ll have a thoughts of their very own. Within the laboratory nevertheless, we will very a lot management what occurs in an animal mannequin and in a petri dish. We’re starting to grasp why some people reside longer than others, why some reply to remedies higher than others, why folks have extra toxicities, and the way the remedies can have a damaging impression on them. And I believe our alternative to go bedside to bench and again once more, and that iterative course of actually helps us have a number one position in advancing new remedies that may enhance the lives of most cancers sufferers. What impressed you to dedicate your life to learning most cancers? My curiosity in learning girls with ovarian most cancers and hereditary most cancers in all probability got here from a problem to me from a affected person early in my profession. It was a younger lady not a lot older than myself on the time, who in a sort-of-frustrated voice requested me, “What proper did you need to be wholesome and in a position to be pursuing your goals, when I’m in mattress preventing ovarian most cancers and present process chemotherapy?” It was a query that I didn’t take calmly. None of us have a proper to our good health. However I actually did wish to attempt to perceive why some folks have been in danger. I noticed in her and in so many different girls the willingness to do something they may to go on dwelling. And it actually made me wish to be a part of their group, to be by their facet, to combat for them, by each science and laboratory analysis, by clinical care and scientific trials, and likewise by advocacy in public schooling. Credit score: College of California, Los Angeles What are you most excited for in your new positions right here at UCLA? Being at a world-class college with unbelievable colleagues actually will get me going on daily basis. I get an concept at night time, and I do know I can come into work, bounce it off a pal, a colleague, discover another person, name a gathering, and impulsively, there is a group of consultants. And I believe it is the range of enter, bringing collectively folks from totally different specialties, totally different scientific backgrounds, faculties of public well being, no matter, the entire experience right here on campus, and forming teams which can be dedicated to develop options. These “aha” moments encourage you day after day. For greater than 40 years, ovarian most cancers remedies—together with surgical procedure adopted by chemotherapy—have remained largely the identical. Why is that? Till just lately, we actually haven’t understood ovarian most cancers. We use the time period ovarian most cancers, however what we all know as we speak is that almost all of ovarian cancers do not even start within the ovary. We could not discover a approach to determine ovarian cancers early, as a result of we weren’t actually wanting on the proper place. And with no technique of early detection, it has been a really, very tough illness to treatment. Most ovarian cancers have very, very imprecise signs which can be usually innocent and trigger no important discomfort so girls usually do not go to the physician till the tumors have unfold extensively. Most girls will usually have signs for six to 9 months earlier than they even see a health care provider, and get the proper prognosis. Ovarian most cancers could be very curable when it is discovered at an early stage—when discovered at stage 1, earlier than it spreads exterior of the ovaries, it is practically 90% curable. However with out particular signs and no dependable screening take a look at, discovering ovarian most cancers at stage 1 is usually by serendipity. A lady is having surgical procedure for one thing else they usually see a small tumor on the ovary, or it is found once they’re having an examination or different medical exams. It is discovered most frequently by a CT scan achieved for belly bloating—ordered by their PCP or in an emergency room after a automotive accident. They are typically nearly asymptomatic once they’re nonetheless on the most curable stage. What’s your analysis focus? For thus lengthy the main target of my analysis has been early detection, to search out methods to search out ovarian most cancers, and diagnose ovarian most cancers earlier than it has unfold and remains to be very curable. My laboratory is learning genetics and discovering methods to find sufferers who’re at highest threat, so we will intervene even earlier than the most cancers develops, they usually by no means should even have most cancers as a part of their historical past. What do you take pleasure in most about being on this subject? I discover caring for women with most cancers is absolutely inspirational. Ladies’s potential to multitask, look after themselves whereas they’re caring for households, completely astounds me typically. And I actually do really feel that privilege to be at their facet, and serving to them reside the most effective life they’ll. On the times that I am within the clinic seeing sufferers, there’s nothing extra particular than being a doctor. We do not stroll of their sneakers. But when we will stroll alongside them shoulder to shoulder as they’re going by their most cancers expertise, I consider we might help them have higher survival and survivorship in on daily basis that they get to reside. And thru analysis, we each share within the quest for brand spanking new solutions and discover hope for future cures. Ovarian cancer is hard to detect Supplied by University of California, Los Angeles Quotation: Researcher appears to be like for tactics to detect lethal ovarian most cancers earlier than it develops (2019, June 25) retrieved 25 June 2019 from https://medicalxpress.com/information/2019-06-ways-deadly-ovarian-cancer.html This doc is topic to copyright. Other than any honest dealing for the aim of personal examine or analysis, no half could also be reproduced with out the written permission. The content material is supplied for data functions solely. Source link

[brian-cdates]

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

Years Living With Processed Foods

How long have you been living with processed foods?

“Please help me go, please help me go” —a breath prayer I often said aloud for years while sitting in the Loo (i.e. on the toilet)—in the pit of discomfort!

I often just WANTED (and needed) to “go,” but, many times, I not able to “go” for days. 

Constipation is Real

Stuck—often times how I felt in my own skin. Stuck in my gut. Constipated. And like my body was at war, in my own skin. 

At age 26, even though I ate “healthy” (on paper), something was not right. 

Greens? Check.

Sweet potatoes? Check. 

Salmon? Check.

Almonds? Check.

Eggs? Check. 

Broccoli? Check. 

Coconut Butter and Coconut Oil? Check.

I was doing ALL the “right things,” so why did it have to hurt so much?

Answer: Healthy “being” goes far beyond diet alone. 

At least once you’ve been enlightened…

Exhibit A: Day 1 Nutrition School (You & I Are NOT Alone)

“Stand up and introduce yourself. What got you interested in studying nutrition?” the teacher said. 

One by one, my class of about 40 other aspiring nutrition therapy practitioners had to stand up and give their “elevator speech” as to why we were all sitting upright in the classroom, pen and paper in hand, eager, anxious and beaming with BIG vision, to learn how to save the world one  food myth at a time. 

As we went around the room sharing our stories, one by one, we also began to realize that…we were not alone. 

Many of my fellow classmates were survivors of the processed-food, antibiotic, vaccine, sedentary lifestyle and chronic disease generation, and somehow, had all lived to tell about it.

“My son was diagnosed with Autism, and the doctors told me there was nothing we could do about it except lots of therapies and behavior plans. So I did some research myself, and began to find stories about the brain-gut connection—how food can influence how we think and help kids with Autism. As a family, we started the GAPS diet, and my son, who was non-verbal, said his first words,” Charlotte said. 

“I was a vegetarian and vegan for over 15 years, and on the cusp of my 30th birthday, I got sick—really sick,” Lynan said. “My skin was pale, my hair started falling out, my nails were brittle, I was tired all the time, lost my period, and began experiencing bloating around meals all the time. Something wasn’t right. I thought it was something to do with my hormones, or maybe mono, or anemia, so I went to a doctor a friend recommended and he said nothing was wrong with me.

I just needed to eat meat again, telling me, “You know you are doing the same thing to your body that inhumane chicken and beef farms do to their animals—feeding them lots of grains and processed foods, restricting them from all the nutrients their bodies need to thrive. Your body needs balance,” …I was so desperate for anything to feel better, so I gave it a try, and within a matter of months, all my health problems went away. I got my period and energy back, the bloating subsided and I felt better than I had in those 15 years,” Lynan said.  

“I got terminal brain cancer. The doctors gave me 2, maybe 3 months, to live, and told me it had spread through every bone in my body and that there was nothing I could do,” Bob said, adding, “But then I looked on the nutrition label of the tube-feeding formula the healthcare company sent me, only to see the worlds ‘Nestle’ and ‘high fructose corn syrup’ on the ‘medicine’ meant to help me get the extra nutrients I needed, and I thought, ‘There’s got to be another way.’ So I decided to start juicing my own food and smoothies for my feeding tube, and just ate real food. Months later, I was completely cancer free and years later, I have a son they never told me I could have and I lived to tell about it. I want to help people,” Bob said. 

Mic drop. 

Nope. None of us were alone. 

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

We all have a story. Often times, multiple stories. That shape us for the better or the worse. Your stories are written via your life experiences, and chances are, when it comes to your health, you’ve had multiple experiences that have set the stage for where your body (and health markers) are today. 

Even if you “eat healthy” and “do all the right things” today, your past experiences paved way for the way you feel (or don’t feel) now.

I’m a Survivor

Hi, I am Lauryn and I am a survivor of the processed food, “take a Tylenol or Tums” (for everything), antibiotic, “drink juice as your water,” frozen broccoli (with cheese sauce), Lean-Cuisines-and-Quest-Bars are convenient (and healthy) generation.

 For the first 26 years of my life, my body didn’t see a real food—really. 

Sure, I ate Fiber One cereal, not Cookie Crisp, for breakfast.  Packed 99% lean turkey on whole wheat bread with pretzels (not chips) for lunch (with the special occasion Pizza Lunchable).  Noshed on apple slices (with Peter Pan peanut butter), or string cheese and whole grain Wheat Thins between meals, and I ate a low-fat dinner, including a protein, starch and veggie with a glass of milk most nights for dinner…but even though I was eating “healthy,” (according to Standard American Diet criteria), my body did not see a real food. 

Fast forward to my teens and college years, when I began to make my own food choices for myself, I looked to magazines, social media, and Google for advice on what to eat (and not eat), following hundreds of food rule under the sun. If it was deemed “healthy,” or “clean” by Shape or Cosmo, it was “a-ok “with me including: protein bars and protein powders, frozen dinners, raw veggies, tons of nuts and almond butter, egg white omelets, and no carbs, no meats or no fats (depending on the popular trend at the time).

Eating disorder treatment is a whole other can of worms complicating the story. Over the accumulated three years of my life spent in inpatient treatment centers and hospitals, along with the 15 years of meal plans with prescriptions to eat McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and Dairy Queen Blizzard’s, I equally did not see (or eat) a real food—at least not much of it. 

The universal theme? My body—namely my gut—didn’t know how to deal with the influx of foods that were difficult to digest.  The result? A host of inflammation and imbalances. 

Even though, at age 26 I found “real food,” was well beyond my eating disorder and discovered the art of “stressing less,” I had ALOT of “damage” to heal and make up for from the previous 26 years of my life. 

In short: How you feel today (or how you will feel tomorrow, or 10-50 years from now) is a result of the choices you made years ago.

Survey Says

I spent the entire 26th year of life, studying nutrition and forming the foundations of my current functional medicine, nutrition and therapy business. 

The next year, I found myself in two rigorous functional medicine trainings and sinking my teeth (and brain) into anything that explained more about WHY I felt the way I felt (i.e. constipated and bloated ALL the time), trying to understand WHY it seemed like no doctors could help me just feel good in my own skin.  Instead of believing “bloating and constipation are just a part of life,” I dedicated my studies and used my body as my own experiment to find out if healing was truly possible. 

The following images from a few of my lab tests are just a glimpse of what 26 years of processed foods, lifestyle and gut stress does to your body. 

 Osteoporosis: 

Cause: Malnutrition, lack of essential fatty acids, inability to absorb nutrients (“leaky gut”) and bacterial overgrowth

 SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth)

Cause: High grain consumption, low stomach acid, stress, overtraining, artificial sweeteners, low fat diets, FODMAP foods, antibiotics, processed and packaged foods

 High Cortisol (i.e. stress hormone)

Cause: “Leaky gut,” overtraining (or sedentary lifestyle), lack of quality sleep, lack of water, burning a candle at both ends (trying to do it all), gut-inflammatory foods and food intolerances, high caffeine or sugar/artificial sweetener consumption, NOT going with your gut (and being true to yourself), LED light/screen exposure

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is power, and healing IS possible—(even with 26 years+ of processed foods and other health stressors under your belt).

The secret? 

It goes far beyond “clean eating”….

How to Heal Your Gut

It’s easier than you think.  It involves 3 simple steps: 

Step 1: Identify the Underlying Root Cause(s) of your Gut Issues

(note: even if you don’t have bloating or IBS or constipation, skin issues, allergies, thyroid/hormone imbalances and “slow metabolism” issues ALSO are often rooted in your gut)  often made out to be more complicated than it is. Common “root causes” of gut issues include:

Environmental toxic burden

SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)

Parasites, fungal or bacterial infection

Dysbiosis (imbalanced gut bacteria)

Food intolerances 

Intestinal permeability

Chronic infections (Lyme, Ebstein Barr)

Bonus:

To figure out your root causes, the fastest route to seeing a clearer picture of everything going on is testing (not guessing) your health woes. Work with a functional medicine practitioner who can help you decide what (if any) testing may be helpful including: 

Stool testing

Comprehensive blood chemistry testing (not just a CBC)

SIBO breath testing

Organic acids testing

DUTCH hormone/cortisol testing

IgG, IgA, IgE food intolerance/allergy testing

Heavy metals/essential nutrients testing

Step 2: Get Back to the Basics

You cannot supplement or eat your way out of a stressful lifestyle. The “unsexy” simple health basics are game-changers for calming stress AND gut healing including:

Eating a nutrient-dense, whole-foods ancestral diet (proteins, carbs and fats included)

Drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water daily

Taking a quality probiotic, prebiotics and eating fermented and prebiotic foods daily

Sleeping 7-9 hours per night

Resetting your circadian rhythm (limiting screen exposure/artificial light at night; eating at normal times; getting fresh air)

Daily movement/exercise (but not TOO much)

Step 3: Heal (Don’t Manage) Your Symptoms

Healing your gut is not just about taking probiotics and drinking kombucha. Once you identify your ROOT causes of your gut imbalances, you must take action steps to HEAL your gut (not just manage gut health or suppress symptoms).

This step will be unique to you and is best first accomplished with the guidance of a skilled practitioner. Request a complimentary 10-minute consult with Dr. Lauryn’s clinic today to start your own healing journey. 

The post What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/gut-health/what-26-years-of-processed-foods-does-to-your-body/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/ What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body via http://drlaurynlax.tumblr.com/

[clarencebfaber]

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

Years Living With Processed Foods

How long have you been living with processed foods?

“Please help me go, please help me go” —a breath prayer I often said aloud for years while sitting in the Loo (i.e. on the toilet)—in the pit of discomfort!

I often just WANTED (and needed) to “go,” but, many times, I not able to “go” for days. 

Constipation is Real

Stuck—often times how I felt in my own skin. Stuck in my gut. Constipated. And like my body was at war, in my own skin. 

At age 26, even though I ate “healthy” (on paper), something was not right. 

Greens? Check.

Sweet potatoes? Check. 

Salmon? Check.

Almonds? Check.

Eggs? Check. 

Broccoli? Check. 

Coconut Butter and Coconut Oil? Check.

I was doing ALL the “right things,” so why did it have to hurt so much?

Answer: Healthy “being” goes far beyond diet alone. 

At least once you’ve been enlightened…

Exhibit A: Day 1 Nutrition School (You & I Are NOT Alone)

“Stand up and introduce yourself. What got you interested in studying nutrition?” the teacher said. 

One by one, my class of about 40 other aspiring nutrition therapy practitioners had to stand up and give their “elevator speech” as to why we were all sitting upright in the classroom, pen and paper in hand, eager, anxious and beaming with BIG vision, to learn how to save the world one  food myth at a time. 

As we went around the room sharing our stories, one by one, we also began to realize that…we were not alone. 

Many of my fellow classmates were survivors of the processed-food, antibiotic, vaccine, sedentary lifestyle and chronic disease generation, and somehow, had all lived to tell about it.

“My son was diagnosed with Autism, and the doctors told me there was nothing we could do about it except lots of therapies and behavior plans. So I did some research myself, and began to find stories about the brain-gut connection—how food can influence how we think and help kids with Autism. As a family, we started the GAPS diet, and my son, who was non-verbal, said his first words,” Charlotte said. 

“I was a vegetarian and vegan for over 15 years, and on the cusp of my 30th birthday, I got sick—really sick,” Lynan said. “My skin was pale, my hair started falling out, my nails were brittle, I was tired all the time, lost my period, and began experiencing bloating around meals all the time. Something wasn’t right. I thought it was something to do with my hormones, or maybe mono, or anemia, so I went to a doctor a friend recommended and he said nothing was wrong with me.

I just needed to eat meat again, telling me, “You know you are doing the same thing to your body that inhumane chicken and beef farms do to their animals—feeding them lots of grains and processed foods, restricting them from all the nutrients their bodies need to thrive. Your body needs balance,” …I was so desperate for anything to feel better, so I gave it a try, and within a matter of months, all my health problems went away. I got my period and energy back, the bloating subsided and I felt better than I had in those 15 years,” Lynan said.  

“I got terminal brain cancer. The doctors gave me 2, maybe 3 months, to live, and told me it had spread through every bone in my body and that there was nothing I could do,” Bob said, adding, “But then I looked on the nutrition label of the tube-feeding formula the healthcare company sent me, only to see the worlds ‘Nestle’ and ‘high fructose corn syrup’ on the ‘medicine’ meant to help me get the extra nutrients I needed, and I thought, ‘There’s got to be another way.’ So I decided to start juicing my own food and smoothies for my feeding tube, and just ate real food. Months later, I was completely cancer free and years later, I have a son they never told me I could have and I lived to tell about it. I want to help people,” Bob said. 

Mic drop. 

Nope. None of us were alone. 

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

We all have a story. Often times, multiple stories. That shape us for the better or the worse. Your stories are written via your life experiences, and chances are, when it comes to your health, you’ve had multiple experiences that have set the stage for where your body (and health markers) are today. 

Even if you “eat healthy” and “do all the right things” today, your past experiences paved way for the way you feel (or don’t feel) now.

I’m a Survivor

Hi, I am Lauryn and I am a survivor of the processed food, “take a Tylenol or Tums” (for everything), antibiotic, “drink juice as your water,” frozen broccoli (with cheese sauce), Lean-Cuisines-and-Quest-Bars are convenient (and healthy) generation.

 For the first 26 years of my life, my body didn’t see a real food—really. 

Sure, I ate Fiber One cereal, not Cookie Crisp, for breakfast.  Packed 99% lean turkey on whole wheat bread with pretzels (not chips) for lunch (with the special occasion Pizza Lunchable).  Noshed on apple slices (with Peter Pan peanut butter), or string cheese and whole grain Wheat Thins between meals, and I ate a low-fat dinner, including a protein, starch and veggie with a glass of milk most nights for dinner…but even though I was eating “healthy,” (according to Standard American Diet criteria), my body did not see a real food. 

Fast forward to my teens and college years, when I began to make my own food choices for myself, I looked to magazines, social media, and Google for advice on what to eat (and not eat), following hundreds of food rule under the sun. If it was deemed “healthy,” or “clean” by Shape or Cosmo, it was “a-ok “with me including: protein bars and protein powders, frozen dinners, raw veggies, tons of nuts and almond butter, egg white omelets, and no carbs, no meats or no fats (depending on the popular trend at the time).

Eating disorder treatment is a whole other can of worms complicating the story. Over the accumulated three years of my life spent in inpatient treatment centers and hospitals, along with the 15 years of meal plans with prescriptions to eat McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and Dairy Queen Blizzard’s, I equally did not see (or eat) a real food—at least not much of it. 

The universal theme? My body—namely my gut—didn’t know how to deal with the influx of foods that were difficult to digest.  The result? A host of inflammation and imbalances. 

Even though, at age 26 I found “real food,” was well beyond my eating disorder and discovered the art of “stressing less,” I had ALOT of “damage” to heal and make up for from the previous 26 years of my life. 

In short: How you feel today (or how you will feel tomorrow, or 10-50 years from now) is a result of the choices you made years ago.

Survey Says

I spent the entire 26th year of life, studying nutrition and forming the foundations of my current functional medicine, nutrition and therapy business. 

The next year, I found myself in two rigorous functional medicine trainings and sinking my teeth (and brain) into anything that explained more about WHY I felt the way I felt (i.e. constipated and bloated ALL the time), trying to understand WHY it seemed like no doctors could help me just feel good in my own skin.  Instead of believing “bloating and constipation are just a part of life,” I dedicated my studies and used my body as my own experiment to find out if healing was truly possible. 

The following images from a few of my lab tests are just a glimpse of what 26 years of processed foods, lifestyle and gut stress does to your body. 

 Osteoporosis: 

Cause: Malnutrition, lack of essential fatty acids, inability to absorb nutrients (“leaky gut”) and bacterial overgrowth

 SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth)

Cause: High grain consumption, low stomach acid, stress, overtraining, artificial sweeteners, low fat diets, FODMAP foods, antibiotics, processed and packaged foods

 High Cortisol (i.e. stress hormone)

Cause: “Leaky gut,” overtraining (or sedentary lifestyle), lack of quality sleep, lack of water, burning a candle at both ends (trying to do it all), gut-inflammatory foods and food intolerances, high caffeine or sugar/artificial sweetener consumption, NOT going with your gut (and being true to yourself), LED light/screen exposure

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is power, and healing IS possible—(even with 26 years+ of processed foods and other health stressors under your belt).

The secret? 

It goes far beyond “clean eating”….

How to Heal Your Gut

It’s easier than you think.  It involves 3 simple steps: 

Step 1: Identify the Underlying Root Cause(s) of your Gut Issues

(note: even if you don’t have bloating or IBS or constipation, skin issues, allergies, thyroid/hormone imbalances and “slow metabolism” issues ALSO are often rooted in your gut)  often made out to be more complicated than it is. Common “root causes” of gut issues include:

Environmental toxic burden

SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)

Parasites, fungal or bacterial infection

Dysbiosis (imbalanced gut bacteria)

Food intolerances 

Intestinal permeability

Chronic infections (Lyme, Ebstein Barr)

Bonus:

To figure out your root causes, the fastest route to seeing a clearer picture of everything going on is testing (not guessing) your health woes. Work with a functional medicine practitioner who can help you decide what (if any) testing may be helpful including: 

Stool testing

Comprehensive blood chemistry testing (not just a CBC)

SIBO breath testing

Organic acids testing

DUTCH hormone/cortisol testing

IgG, IgA, IgE food intolerance/allergy testing

Heavy metals/essential nutrients testing

Step 2: Get Back to the Basics

You cannot supplement or eat your way out of a stressful lifestyle. The “unsexy” simple health basics are game-changers for calming stress AND gut healing including:

Eating a nutrient-dense, whole-foods ancestral diet (proteins, carbs and fats included)

Drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water daily

Taking a quality probiotic, prebiotics and eating fermented and prebiotic foods daily

Sleeping 7-9 hours per night

Resetting your circadian rhythm (limiting screen exposure/artificial light at night; eating at normal times; getting fresh air)

Daily movement/exercise (but not TOO much)

Step 3: Heal (Don’t Manage) Your Symptoms

Healing your gut is not just about taking probiotics and drinking kombucha. Once you identify your ROOT causes of your gut imbalances, you must take action steps to HEAL your gut (not just manage gut health or suppress symptoms).

This step will be unique to you and is best first accomplished with the guidance of a skilled practitioner. Request a complimentary 10-minute consult with Dr. Lauryn’s clinic today to start your own healing journey. 

 The post What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/gut-health/what-26-years-of-processed-foods-does-to-your-body/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body via https://drlaurynlax.weebly.com/

[elizabethbgrimes]

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

Years Living With Processed Foods

How long have you been living with processed foods?

“Please help me go, please help me go” —a breath prayer I often said aloud for years while sitting in the Loo (i.e. on the toilet)—in the pit of discomfort!

I often just WANTED (and needed) to “go,” but, many times, I not able to “go” for days. 

Constipation is Real

Stuck—often times how I felt in my own skin. Stuck in my gut. Constipated. And like my body was at war, in my own skin. 

At age 26, even though I ate “healthy” (on paper), something was not right. 

Greens? Check.

Sweet potatoes? Check. 

Salmon? Check.

Almonds? Check.

Eggs? Check. 

Broccoli? Check. 

Coconut Butter and Coconut Oil? Check.

I was doing ALL the “right things,” so why did it have to hurt so much?

Answer: Healthy “being” goes far beyond diet alone. 

At least once you’ve been enlightened…

Exhibit A: Day 1 Nutrition School (You & I Are NOT Alone)

“Stand up and introduce yourself. What got you interested in studying nutrition?” the teacher said. 

One by one, my class of about 40 other aspiring nutrition therapy practitioners had to stand up and give their “elevator speech” as to why we were all sitting upright in the classroom, pen and paper in hand, eager, anxious and beaming with BIG vision, to learn how to save the world one  food myth at a time. 

As we went around the room sharing our stories, one by one, we also began to realize that…we were not alone. 

Many of my fellow classmates were survivors of the processed-food, antibiotic, vaccine, sedentary lifestyle and chronic disease generation, and somehow, had all lived to tell about it.

“My son was diagnosed with Autism, and the doctors told me there was nothing we could do about it except lots of therapies and behavior plans. So I did some research myself, and began to find stories about the brain-gut connection—how food can influence how we think and help kids with Autism. As a family, we started the GAPS diet, and my son, who was non-verbal, said his first words,” Charlotte said. 

“I was a vegetarian and vegan for over 15 years, and on the cusp of my 30th birthday, I got sick—really sick,” Lynan said. “My skin was pale, my hair started falling out, my nails were brittle, I was tired all the time, lost my period, and began experiencing bloating around meals all the time. Something wasn’t right. I thought it was something to do with my hormones, or maybe mono, or anemia, so I went to a doctor a friend recommended and he said nothing was wrong with me.

I just needed to eat meat again, telling me, “You know you are doing the same thing to your body that inhumane chicken and beef farms do to their animals—feeding them lots of grains and processed foods, restricting them from all the nutrients their bodies need to thrive. Your body needs balance,” …I was so desperate for anything to feel better, so I gave it a try, and within a matter of months, all my health problems went away. I got my period and energy back, the bloating subsided and I felt better than I had in those 15 years,” Lynan said.  

“I got terminal brain cancer. The doctors gave me 2, maybe 3 months, to live, and told me it had spread through every bone in my body and that there was nothing I could do,” Bob said, adding, “But then I looked on the nutrition label of the tube-feeding formula the healthcare company sent me, only to see the worlds ‘Nestle’ and ‘high fructose corn syrup’ on the ‘medicine’ meant to help me get the extra nutrients I needed, and I thought, ‘There’s got to be another way.’ So I decided to start juicing my own food and smoothies for my feeding tube, and just ate real food. Months later, I was completely cancer free and years later, I have a son they never told me I could have and I lived to tell about it. I want to help people,” Bob said. 

Mic drop. 

Nope. None of us were alone. 

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

We all have a story. Often times, multiple stories. That shape us for the better or the worse. Your stories are written via your life experiences, and chances are, when it comes to your health, you’ve had multiple experiences that have set the stage for where your body (and health markers) are today. 

Even if you “eat healthy” and “do all the right things” today, your past experiences paved way for the way you feel (or don’t feel) now.

I’m a Survivor

Hi, I am Lauryn and I am a survivor of the processed food, “take a Tylenol or Tums” (for everything), antibiotic, “drink juice as your water,” frozen broccoli (with cheese sauce), Lean-Cuisines-and-Quest-Bars are convenient (and healthy) generation.

 For the first 26 years of my life, my body didn’t see a real food—really. 

Sure, I ate Fiber One cereal, not Cookie Crisp, for breakfast.  Packed 99% lean turkey on whole wheat bread with pretzels (not chips) for lunch (with the special occasion Pizza Lunchable).  Noshed on apple slices (with Peter Pan peanut butter), or string cheese and whole grain Wheat Thins between meals, and I ate a low-fat dinner, including a protein, starch and veggie with a glass of milk most nights for dinner…but even though I was eating “healthy,” (according to Standard American Diet criteria), my body did not see a real food. 

Fast forward to my teens and college years, when I began to make my own food choices for myself, I looked to magazines, social media, and Google for advice on what to eat (and not eat), following hundreds of food rule under the sun. If it was deemed “healthy,” or “clean” by Shape or Cosmo, it was “a-ok “with me including: protein bars and protein powders, frozen dinners, raw veggies, tons of nuts and almond butter, egg white omelets, and no carbs, no meats or no fats (depending on the popular trend at the time).

Eating disorder treatment is a whole other can of worms complicating the story. Over the accumulated three years of my life spent in inpatient treatment centers and hospitals, along with the 15 years of meal plans with prescriptions to eat McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and Dairy Queen Blizzard’s, I equally did not see (or eat) a real food—at least not much of it. 

The universal theme? My body—namely my gut—didn’t know how to deal with the influx of foods that were difficult to digest.  The result? A host of inflammation and imbalances. 

Even though, at age 26 I found “real food,” was well beyond my eating disorder and discovered the art of “stressing less,” I had ALOT of “damage” to heal and make up for from the previous 26 years of my life. 

In short: How you feel today (or how you will feel tomorrow, or 10-50 years from now) is a result of the choices you made years ago.

Survey Says

I spent the entire 26th year of life, studying nutrition and forming the foundations of my current functional medicine, nutrition and therapy business. 

The next year, I found myself in two rigorous functional medicine trainings and sinking my teeth (and brain) into anything that explained more about WHY I felt the way I felt (i.e. constipated and bloated ALL the time), trying to understand WHY it seemed like no doctors could help me just feel good in my own skin.  Instead of believing “bloating and constipation are just a part of life,” I dedicated my studies and used my body as my own experiment to find out if healing was truly possible. 

The following images from a few of my lab tests are just a glimpse of what 26 years of processed foods, lifestyle and gut stress does to your body. 

 Osteoporosis: 

Cause: Malnutrition, lack of essential fatty acids, inability to absorb nutrients (“leaky gut”) and bacterial overgrowth

 SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth)

Cause: High grain consumption, low stomach acid, stress, overtraining, artificial sweeteners, low fat diets, FODMAP foods, antibiotics, processed and packaged foods

 High Cortisol (i.e. stress hormone)

Cause: “Leaky gut,” overtraining (or sedentary lifestyle), lack of quality sleep, lack of water, burning a candle at both ends (trying to do it all), gut-inflammatory foods and food intolerances, high caffeine or sugar/artificial sweetener consumption, NOT going with your gut (and being true to yourself), LED light/screen exposure

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is power, and healing IS possible—(even with 26 years+ of processed foods and other health stressors under your belt).

The secret? 

It goes far beyond “clean eating”….

How to Heal Your Gut

It’s easier than you think.  It involves 3 simple steps: 

Step 1: Identify the Underlying Root Cause(s) of your Gut Issues

(note: even if you don’t have bloating or IBS or constipation, skin issues, allergies, thyroid/hormone imbalances and “slow metabolism” issues ALSO are often rooted in your gut)  often made out to be more complicated than it is. Common “root causes” of gut issues include:

Environmental toxic burden

SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)

Parasites, fungal or bacterial infection

Dysbiosis (imbalanced gut bacteria)

Food intolerances 

Intestinal permeability

Chronic infections (Lyme, Ebstein Barr)

Bonus:

To figure out your root causes, the fastest route to seeing a clearer picture of everything going on is testing (not guessing) your health woes. Work with a functional medicine practitioner who can help you decide what (if any) testing may be helpful including: 

Stool testing

Comprehensive blood chemistry testing (not just a CBC)

SIBO breath testing

Organic acids testing

DUTCH hormone/cortisol testing

IgG, IgA, IgE food intolerance/allergy testing

Heavy metals/essential nutrients testing

Step 2: Get Back to the Basics

You cannot supplement or eat your way out of a stressful lifestyle. The “unsexy” simple health basics are game-changers for calming stress AND gut healing including:

Eating a nutrient-dense, whole-foods ancestral diet (proteins, carbs and fats included)

Drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water daily

Taking a quality probiotic, prebiotics and eating fermented and prebiotic foods daily

Sleeping 7-9 hours per night

Resetting your circadian rhythm (limiting screen exposure/artificial light at night; eating at normal times; getting fresh air)

Daily movement/exercise (but not TOO much)

Step 3: Heal (Don’t Manage) Your Symptoms

Healing your gut is not just about taking probiotics and drinking kombucha. Once you identify your ROOT causes of your gut imbalances, you must take action steps to HEAL your gut (not just manage gut health or suppress symptoms).

This step will be unique to you and is best first accomplished with the guidance of a skilled practitioner. Request a complimentary 10-minute consult with Dr. Lauryn’s clinic today to start your own healing journey. 

 The post What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

Source/Repost=> https://drlauryn.com/gut-health/what-26-years-of-processed-foods-does-to-your-body/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/ What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body via https://drlaurynlax.blogspot.com/

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Breast Cancer and Reiki

The American Cancer Society appraises that in 2006, around 212,900 ladies in the U.S. will learn they have intrusive bosom tumor. American ladies have a 1 of every 8 shot of building up this kind of malignancy eventually in their lives, and about 2 million have just been dealt with for the infection. Gratefully, passing rates from bosom growth have dropped drastically. Early discovery and in addition propels in chemotherapy and different medicines imply that every year yields increasingly bosom malignancy survivors.[i]

Likewise with any growth, conventional medications for bosom tumor can cause their own variety of wellbeing challenges. Sickness, spewing, male pattern baldness, and low platelet checks regularly take after chemotherapy and radiation. In an ongoing report distributed in The Journal of the National Cancer Institute, Dr. Michael Hassett of Boston's Dana-Farber Cancer Institute found that 16 % of bosom disease patients under age 64 required a doctor's facility visit to oversee chemotherapy side effects.[ii] Chemotherapy focuses on all quickly developing cells, including white platelets (known as neutrophils), which bolster the safe framework. Neutropenia, which means white platelet checks have dipped under typical levels, brings invulnerable reaction down to trespassers like microorganisms, infections and fungi.[iii] Consequently, the most well-known and genuine purpose behind the post-chemo healing facility visits was high fever from diseases. Pallor coming about because of low red platelet include represents extra battles the type of outrageous exhaustion.

Hostile to sickness drugs, blood transfusions and lab-made white platelet "promoters" now frame some portion of a developing munititions stockpile of adapting strategies.[iv] But for ladies who feel clashed about taking medications in any case, these arrangements can appear to be excessively dangerous or even include extra protestations. The neurtophil enhancers, for instance, cause transitory bone agony as the marrow quickly delivers more cells. Leigh Leming, 54, a bosom disease survivor whose tumor later returned and metasticized, chose that this time she needed to take a stab at something other than what's expected. Unfit to eat because of sickness, she currently takes after the counsel of an Ayurvedic gourmet expert. She drinks a fix of ginger, lemon squeeze, and nectar before every supper. "It's the main thing that holds my sustenance down," Leming clarifies. She additionally takes wheat grass juice to develop her blood checks, since 2 ounces of wheat grass juice contain supplements proportional to 4 pounds of natural deliver: "The distinction in my vitality levels is stunning!"

A patient at St. Luke's Hospital in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, Leming saw fliers offering Reiki sessions there. Reiki (articulated "Beam key") is an old mending vitality framework rediscovered in the late nineteenth century by a Japanese priest named Dr. Mikao Usui. The "Rei" remains for "general," and the "ki" alludes to "life constrain vitality" like "Chi" in Chinese recuperating or "prana" in yoga. In this manner, Reiki signifies "general life drive vitality," which chips away at all levels-physical, mental, enthusiastic, and profound. By impacting every one of these levels, Reiki is accepted tenderly however drastically to open up individuals' natural capacities to mend themselves. One can perform Reiki with hands on or over the body, and even crosswise over extraordinary separations. A great many people see it as warmth, shivering or a sentiment of profound love and support.

Leming's companions at St. Luke's Wellness Center clarified that they get Reiki sessions before chemotherapy so as to counterbalance a portion of their post-chemo responses. Different patients saw emotional change in torment levels following Reiki medicines. In the wake of encountering a portion of this help with discomfort herself-"I really neglect to take my torment pills after a Reiki session"- Leming accumulated a gathering of patients and survivors to figure out how to treat themselves with Reiki. Having gotten an attunement (opening of the body's regular vitality ways) from a Reiki Master Teacher, they would now be able to feel Reiki moving through their own particular hands. In spite of the fact that her torment returns, Leming reports a more prominent feeling of serenity and peace when managing torment, and in addition other malignancy stressors like accounts and family connections.

No formal U.S. contemplates have demonstrated Reiki's adequacy in treating disease; in any case, The Canadian Breast Cancer Research Initiative as of late granted a $20,000 give to Dr. Ahlam Mansour of the College of Nursing, University of Saskatchewan. Dr. Mansour will think about "the impacts of Reiki on the level of tension, physical issues, profound prosperity, and finish blood checks in patients experiencing their underlying AC (chemotherapy)."[v] The June 1997 issue of Cancer Prevention Control shared starter results from a controlled report at the Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton, Canada. Twenty volunteers with endless torment, including torment from malignancy, got Reiki medicines from a confirmed Reiki Level 2 expert. Study bosses utilized both a visual simple scale (VAS) and a Likert scale to gauge torment when Reiki. The examination found that getting Reiki significantly enhanced torment levels.[vi]

Over the United States, healing centers and hospices have started to esteem Reiki. In 1997, Nancy Samson, RN, BS, started organizing a volunteer Reiki program in the radiation oncology ward at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in New Hampshire. Today, the middle hosts Reiki Certification Classes and promotes half repayment of class cost for DHMC workers. [vii] The regarded California Pacific Medical Center's Health and Healing Clinic offers Reiki, alongside pressure point massage, nutritious treatment and yoga. [viii] Hospices progressively offer Reiki to patients as a methods for facilitating torment and decreasing uneasiness about the obscure.

Arizona has one of the longest connections amongst Reiki and customary malignancy treatment. Sally Soderlund, RN (Support Services Coordinator for Oncology) coordinates the Tucson Medical Center (TMC) Reiki Clinic. The Reiki program at TMC started more than 11 years prior in the Cancer Care Unit. It has since spread out to different zones of the doctor's facility also. Reiki specialists at TMC ordinarily depict Reiki as "recuperating vitality" and cooperate in two man groups. They underscore the unwinding and mending characteristics of Reiki, as opposed to diving into transcendentalism. Albeit a few patients report profound encounters amid Reiki sessions, volunteers clarify that Reiki is a mending framework, not a religion. The TMC center's prosperity proceeds because of patient solicitations for rehash sessions and in addition nurture reports of enhanced patient state of mind and recuperating rate.[ix]

The American Cancer Society sees Reiki as a "sheltered" corresponding tumor treatment. Their site recognizes patients' emotional reports of Reiki's capacity to speed mending and increment their feeling of prosperity. Like back rub, Reiki initiates unwinding, brings down heart rate and lessens feelings of anxiety. Studies show that individuals recuperate better on the off chance that they can stay in a low pressure state. Since rub really controls tissue, however, the American Cancer Society prescribes staying away from zones close tumors until the point that exploration appears if tissue control can spread growth cells to different parts of the body.[x] Unlike back rub, Reiki includes a light touch or no touch by any means: there is no tissue control. Beneficiaries stay dressed while vitality streams above and into their body. For individuals with various tumor locales, Reiki offers an opportunity to take advantage of the mending intensity of unwinding with no contraindications.

[i] American Cancer Society: Caner Reference Information. cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_2_1X_How_many_people_get_breast_cancer_5.asp?sitearea=

[ii] About Health and Fitness: breastcancer.about.com/

[iii] "How Cancer Can Put You at Risk of Serious Infection." Healthmonitor: July-August 2006, p. S3.

[iv] "Deal with Yourself." Healthmonitor: July-August 2006, p. S4.

[v] Source: Office of Communications, University of Saskatchewan, Canada, usask.ca/correspondences/ocn/Apr24/news8.html.

[vi] Source: Olson K, Hanson J, 1997. "Utilizing Reiki to oversee torment: a starter report." Cancer Prevention Control 1997, June, Vol.1(2): pages 108-13.

[vii] Dartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center: Classes and Events. dhmc.org/dhmc/webpage.cfm?site_id=2&morg_id=0&org_id=1&sec_id=3&gsec_id=3&item_id=3

[viii] CPMC Institute for Health and Healing. cpmc.org/administrations/ihh/experts/overview.html

[ix] Rand, William Lee. "Reiki in Hospitals." Reiki News Articles: The International Center for Reiki Training. reiki.org/reikinews/reiki_in_hospitals.html

[x] American Cancer Society. "Reiki" and "Back rub." cancer.org/docroot/eto/content/eto_5_3x_massage.asp?sitearea=eto

Laura Bruno is a Life Coach, Medical Intuitive and Reiki Master Teacher from Sedona, Arizona. Notwithstanding private training and instinctive sessions, she instructs Conscious Eating 101 classes, Intuitive Healing workshops and Reiki Certification classes around the nation and in delightful Sedona. For more data on classes, crude sustenance instructing, transitional training, creature correspondence, and giving your endowments a chance to radiate through your vocation, if you don't mind see: http://www.internationalrenaissancecoaching.com . Laura is likewise the writer of the hotly anticipated eBook, If I Only Had a Brain Injury: A TBI Survivor and Life Coach's Guide to Chronic Fatigue, Concussion, Lyme Disease, Migraine or Other "Restorative Mystery," now accessible at [http://www.ifionlyhadabraininjury.com]

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