#how is this my fault. i truly am the most conflict averse person but then people will just SAY the wildest shit

[chamerionwrites]

A thing about adulthood (though not exclusive to adulthood) is that now and then you will find yourself involved in a conversation in which the only truly reasonable response is to say “Even if I were a terrible person with no conscience, I would simply not admit to being a terrible person with no conscience. Out loud. Unprompted. In public.”

And then you have to decide whether to be the person who actually says it, thus taking the heat for Making A Scene

[sleepyjuniper]

HI! I am June, and I love movies! I've been working on something, and I don't usually post my work because I don't get a lot of views, but I feel what I've written here is really important, and I would very much appreciate a read, and maybe an upvote if you enjoy what you've read! I've really put my heart out on the line here, and it would be great for it to get some traction, so a movie I care about greatly can finally get some recognition.

So, Home is now back on Netflix. As a result, the passion I've always felt for this film has been rekindled, and now feels like the perfect time to bring it back to attention, to get it the praise it truly deserves. To explain, I was watching it last week and I suddenly had an epiphany. I suddenly connected more with Oh's character than I ever had before, and every little detail in the movie started to pop out at me and further strengthen this feeling. I became so obsessed with the depth of it's heavy emotional scenes and gorgeous visuals that I immediately got to writing. It gets a bit tricky to collect my thoughts every time I try to address what this writing actually is; it's not necessarily an analysis, not necessarily an essay, because it lacks direction and a real conclusion, or motive, I guess. I'm simply going in depth into the scenes that I think are most pivotal to Oh's development as a character, and providing my own personal insight into how he's thinking and what he's feeling, based on the evidence I am able to glean from what the movie shows me, rather than tells me. I'm picking into each scene and bringing to light the specific details that make it so powerful to me, and how these details allow me to fully understand and connect with the characters in a way I can't with other films.

But regardless of what it is, the more in depth I go, the more it speaks to me, and the more I understand it. The more reason I have to believe that Oh has a perfect character arc, which is so well written and perfectly pulled off, that it creates a movie that is authentic, heartfelt, and complete in every way. There's simply no other like it. Now, with no further ado, let's get into it.

Every good story starts with an introduction to the main character. The beginning scenes of Home introduce us to Oh's character perfectly. They depict him as an adorable misfit with a propensity to make mistakes, who just wants to make friends. We learn that he is widely disliked by the rest of the Boov because of his differences, that he adores Captain Smek, and that he believes Boov are best at everything. We learn a lot about his personality too. All the Boov look similar, but he is much more animated than the other Boov, moving with more energy, and appears to be in a perpetual state of excitement. He’s the only Boov we see smiling at first, and what really sets him out is the way he emotes. While most of the Boov carry neutral expressions, their eyebrows relaxed, his eyebrows are constantly raised and his eyes are wide, making them stand out much more prominently. His color changing also adds an extra layer to his character, allowing us to see even deeper into what he's feeling at any given point during the movie. The movie can tell us more, with less words. It is immediately apparent to the audience just how different Oh is from the rest of his people; we can clearly see from the get-go that Oh's emotions work differently than the rest of the Boov. And this only adds to the impact of later scenes, as he starts to experience more complex emotions and venture further into unknown territory.

When the starting conflict of the story is introduced, we learn about the first real challenge he needs to overcome. He made a mistake, and is now on the run from his own people, who want to arrest him. Right now, his motivation is simply to avoid capture. It can be assumed that until now, Oh hasn't faced danger alone. He's likely faced danger while the Boov were running away from the Gorg, but he was always facing the threat with the rest of his species. This is the first time he's been completely alone while running from something, and it's all his fault too. We can pick all of this up from context, and feel sympathy for him and his terror, which is very much justified.

When Oh and Tip first meet, they start out not liking each other, and have conflicting opinions. Oh believes the Boov are more advanced than humans because Smek said so, and he doesn't understand why Tip cares so much about one human. Conversely, Tip hates Oh because his species is the reason she's separated from her mother. They are agreeing to work together out of common interest, that's it. Oh has promised to help Tip find her mom, but he does this only to avoid capture. These scenes are full of fun quips and hilarious antics, as the movie starts to build up a foundation for Oh's character dynamic with Tip. What the movie conveys to us is that these two characters don't know each other, and don't have any interest in listening to and understanding each other.

Things really pick up later in the movie. Oh disappears for a long while, and when he returns, Tip yells at him, and he stops in his tracks, looking genuinely astounded and confused by her anger. He was especially shocked that she was afraid he'd been hurt. We can actually see the moment he does a double-take at the realization that she had been worried about him. Likely, no one has ever worried about him before. For the first time, we see him actually absorb what she's saying, listening to her with a curious expression as she tells him to try and put himself in her shoes. Tip explains to him that kids aren't supposed to be by themselves, and that the Boov's arrival ruined everything for her. When Oh says that Boov don't have families, she remarks that it's no wonder they take things and don't care about anyone else. This gives him pause, and he appears to think carefully, before speaking. No amount of explanation can really do this scene justice, so a direct quote of his monologue is needed. He says: "So, your mimom.. is a very important humansperson to you. More important than others. To not belong with her.. causes you being sad. But, recent moments ago, you are kicking on me and yelling. Which is seeming more to be mad than sad." This gives us the first true indication that Oh is trying to be more open minded. Tip tells him to try and feel how she feels, and he does. With genuine sincerity, he's trying to understand how Tip can be feeling two emotions at once. Tip looks surprised by his sincerity, and has no energy to continue talking, but she listens, and she gets back into the car when he's finished. Not only does Oh state out loud that humans are more complicated than he thought, this scene is important because it's the first time they have anything close to a genuine moment of understanding. Simply put; he sees her react in a way he didn't anticipate, is perplexed by it, and pushes aside his own belief that he already knows everything about humans, and just asks her questions to understand her better. It is the first small sign of growth we get to see from him.

Tip and Oh gradually warm up to each other more over the course of their next few escapades. Oh explains to Tip why he's in trouble, and Tip realizes he's sad, and cheers him up by teaching him about jokes. They make a plan to give Oh a makeover so they can sneak into the Great Antenna without being caught, and Tip seems amused by his antics rather than annoyed. In the Antenna, Oh helps Tip find out where her mom is, and Tip hugs him. He looks surprised and uncertain for a moment, but quickly adjusts to it and even smiles, turning orange and hugging her back. From the information we have, we can extrapolate that this may or may not be the first time he's ever been hugged, due to the Boov's aversion to both Oh and physical contact. This is the most affection Tip has expressed with him so far, and he seems to just melt into it. He also looks as if he wasn't ready for the hug to end so abruptly. It's a sensation he's unfamiliar with, but immediately decides he wants.

This is when we see Oh, specifically, starting to trust Tip a bit more and even maybe like her, and their escape from the Tower shows them working with a newfound chemistry as they outsmart the Boov. We can tell Oh is scared at several points during the scene, because his yellow coloring indicates it, but he's also grabbing onto Tip as if it gives him reassurance. He trusts her enough to at least find comfort in her presence, which is something that wasn't true of their relationship in the beginning.

Following the events of the Eiffel Tower scene, Tip starts to talk about her mom, excited to find her and maybe even come back to Paris. When she turns around, Oh is standing further away and looking at the now wrecked central command, his skin displaying a dejected blue color. What does he have to come back to after everything is over? Tip knows where she belongs, but Oh would never be able to go back to the Boov in safety after his mistake. He is questioning his belonging. Tip notices he's sad, and attempts to cheer him up. It doesn't work, but Oh does something that surprises Tip. He apologizes to her. During the confrontation with Smek, Oh finally realized how Smek was wrong for causing the misunderstandings between Boov and Humans, and that he would never accept any Boov for showing individuality. Oh acknowledges everything that he previously thought about humans was wrong, and that Captain Smek was also wrong. He even looks ashamed to tell her that in the beginning, the Boov thought humans were simple and uncomplicated, and that they needed the Boov. He tells her he thinks the Boov should never have interfered with Earth, and that he's sorry for how it affected her. He doesn't say anything during his apology that would guilt Tip into responding a certain way; just gives an honest apology, and allows her the freedom to decide how she reacts. This is something that's incredibly meaningful coming from Oh. He's not trying to get anything from her, he's just apologizing for something he was complacent in and is now feeling regretful about. It's raw and heartfelt. She hands him the keys, and he looks surprised at first, then gives a huge smile, holding the keys close to his heart and turning orange. ��

The following scene is perhaps the most important one in the film, and is incredibly impactful. Accompanied by the gentle tune of a song that slowly gets louder as the movie switches from dialogue between characters to simply visual storytelling, we watch as Oh and Tip take turns driving, and exchange vulnerability with each other, both describing their own experiences with being misfits. We see them laughing together, taking selfies, and just in general enjoying each other's company. Tip completely accepts Oh for who he is, and in turn he lets his walls down, and is finally able to be himself. This is a real bond they've formed. They are truly friends. Both look nothing alike, yet have so much in common.

Finally, we see Oh taking his turn driving at night while Tip sleeps, and he goes to tuck her back in when her blanket falls down. As we hear Kiezca's 'Cannonball' playing in the background (and on the radio) he takes a moment to appreciate the things in the car, discovering he does indeed enjoy them. Finally, he adjusts his mirror to watch Tip sleep, and we see him slowly turn a brand new color: pink. If you were to recap his life so far, the significance of this moment becomes clear. Oh is outgoing and friendly, but he's never fit in in his entire life. No matter how hard he tried to fit in with the Boov, he simply had emotional needs that the rest of the Boov did not, and as such they did not care about or recognize his need. Tip is the first person who has ever listened to him and gotten to know him, and accepted him for who he is. She's his first friend. In this moment, he is looking at Tip, and he's feeling something he's never felt before: love. It feels like a part of him he's always been missing has finally been found. For the first time in his life, he feels like he belongs.

We find Oh further appreciating Tip's qualities when they find the Gorg super-chip; he was afraid to go towards the ship but she convinced him, and when it worked out he realized that her idea had worked out better than his would have. He realized he can achieve things through being brave rather than giving up; essentially, if you don't even try, you can never succeed. You can see in his expression after Tip smirks at him that he was surprised; he realized he had faced his fears, all because of Tip's help.

We see a monumental backslide in his progress when he leaves Tip instead of staying by her side and fulfilling his promise. His greatest challenge is revealed to be that he's still not brave; not brave enough to put his faith in the one he cares about, not brave enough to face his fears and stick by her no matter what. We do know that he's terrified; both of being left alone, and of losing Tip. He has just found a sense of belonging with Tip that he's never felt before, and he can't bear to lose that. He tries to bring her with him, and she feels betrayed and breaks off the friendship. The detail that went into this scene makes it incredibly impactful. It's raw and filled with emotion. For context, during the course of the movie, we only see a Boov go pale in the face during a few very intense situations, and said pale-ing was usually followed by fainting. This suggests that a lack of color is indicative of a much stronger, primal emotion: dread, or pain. When Tip turns and leaves, he loses pigment. He blanches, and staggers. There's a physical impact of Tip's words on Oh. This isn't simply sadness or fear he's feeling, it's anguish. It's his world falling apart, his heart breaking. He is quite literally torn in two, as he looks back and forth between his best friend and his chance at escape, changing rapidly from red to yellow to blue and back again. It emphasizes his turmoil; the panic he feels at seeing a rapidly closing window to decide what action to take, before he turns back to what he's always known, running away. There's high stakes on both sides, and we as an audience can feel his pain, as he displays clear indecision and helplessness at this impossible choice.

As the Boov travel farther from Earth, bringing the Gorg with them, Oh and Tip have never been farther apart. As the Gorg mothership closes in, everyone runs to the other side of the ship; all except Oh, who stares it down. He knows he can save everyone. He pulls out the super-chip, his gaze hardening with determination, and runs against the flow of the crowd to plant it in the control panel. Everyone stops to stare in disbelief, crowding around him afterwards, curious to hear him speak. Smek tries to ostracize him for acting unBoov-like, and Oh directly challenges him. He tells the listening crowd that he used to believe what Smek said was right, but he'd learned things that said otherwise. He talks about the human he met, and how she's smart and brave, and has an emotional capacity for caring for others that Boov lack. During this monologue, we see his skin turn pink again as he talks about Tip, reminding us as that he does still care about her. This also reminds him of his own actions, and he turns blue, concluding his speech by saying that the Boov may be better in some ways, but not in the ways he thinks are most important now. He realizes that Tip has strengths that are/would have been useful many times for the Boov. This is when it becomes apparent that he's regretting leaving; Tip made him stronger, and he now knows he can be as brave as she is. 

Which is why it's an incredible payoff scene when he is made leader. He's surrounded by Boov who are cheering for him, but he feels lonelier than ever. He wanted to be accepted, but he wasn't ready to be looked up to. It doesn't feel right, he doesn't belong here. When he watches the view of Earth grow smaller as it fades into the distance, he actually cries, and catches a tear as it rolls down his cheek, a pensive look crossing his face. He pulls out Tip's keychain, and all in one instant he realizes why he's so miserable. He doesn't feel like he belongs here, because he belongs with Tip. It's where he's meant to be. He turns pink, looking hopeful, and in the next scene he turns up on earth, by himself, and finds Tip. It's not really necessary to explain why this is an important development; we can see everything there is to be said in the way they compose the scene. There's also the parallel shots where we see Tip and Oh both pushing through crowds and both looking completely alone despite all the people around them, emphasizing that they need each other. Oh just had to figure out he could follow Tip's example, what he'd learned from her bravery, to realize he could still salvage things. He realized a life feeling alone among the Boov was worth nothing, and a life with someone he truly cares about is worth facing any danger, no matter what may come. 

Oh and Tip are reunited, and he tells her what he learned, that he realized she's his friend, and he belongs with her. You can see from the look they share that both of them feel this way. They've come full circle, to a full understanding and acceptance of each other. 

Oh helps Tip find her mom, finally fulfilling his promise, and when the Gorg attack and he realizes it's because of the Boov, he tells Tip he's fixing his mistake, protecting the reunited family by making it so they're unable to chase him and be put in danger. He loves Tip, and he wants her and the human she cares most about to be safe. He's not about to let her risk losing that. So, bravely, yet stupidly, he runs to the Gorg mothership and holds up the thing they've been chasing the Boov for all this time. He tries to do it on his own, which is a major sign of his growth as a character, but the only reason the Gorg actually see him is because Tip has his back. He was fully prepared to sacrifice himself. When the ship is closing in on him, and the dust and sparks are blinding him, he turns around, and sees Tip running to him. He smiles, his trust fully in her; if he doesn't get out of this, she can save everyone else. He throws the rock to her before the ship covers him, choosing to put his faith in her in what he believes to be his final moments. He went from caring only about his own survival, to caring about the survival of his best friend, and wanting Tip to help make peace with the Gorg so the Boov and humans can be safe as well. 

After we see Tip mourn for Oh before it's revealed that he's okay, she pulls him in for a hug, and he immediately embraces her back, then over Tip's shoulder we see him looking at her fondly, smiling, and he turns a vibrant pink as he closes his eyes and leans into the hug. Just by the look in his eyes in this scene, we can see that he's fully appreciating this being who cared about him enough to listen to him, to stand by him and stand up for him, and run after him when he's in danger. In this moment, he's getting a second chance to embrace her, when he went in not knowing if he'd ever see her again. In this moment it was all worth it. Because he looks at her, and he is home.

[toomuchtimenerd]

Review for ‘The Wrath and the Dawn’ by Renee Ahdieh

So I read The Wrath and the Dawn and its sequel, The Rose and the Dagger about a week ago, so hopefully my memory/thoughts/feelings have remained mostly intact. A great part of having pretty bad short term memory is that my book hangovers generally don’t last too long, but the downside is that I very quickly forget the intricate details of plots like... as soon as I finish the book or series. But I distinctly remember having a lot of feels after I finished this duology, so let’s see how this goes.

I originally wanted to read The Wrath and the Dawn when it was first published in 2015, but I decided not to because I have a HUGE aversion to starting book series that are incomplete. Why? Well like I said, I have a pretty bad memory so I generally forget a lot of small details in a story pretty much as soon as I finish reading. This really isn’t helpful when the next book in a series is published at least a year after the previous book, and this is even more unhelpful considering I’m a relatively quick reader and can finish most books within a day or two if I’m on a binge. So I decided to skip Wrath and put it on the backburner, fully intending to pick it up as soon as its sequel came out in 2016. Well, 2016 was a hectic year for me in a lot of ways, and I ended up never reading Wrath... nor did I read any of the books that I had decided to shelve for later. But it’s okay! It’s 2020, and I have begun my unending quest to read all of the greatest YA fiction hits (and likely more). With that said, let’s dive in.

The Wrath and the Dawn is (in my opinion) a fast-paced story that takes place in the kingdom of Khorasan. Just googled it, and turns out Khorasan is a real historical region in what is now modern-day Iran. The story is a “retelling” or “reimagining” of a story from the ancient Arabic folktale collection known as One Thousand and One Nights, or otherwise known as Arabian Nights. I personally like the former title, as it sounds so much more... everlasting. Not sure if that’s the best word to describe it, or if it even makes sense, but I’m just gonna leave that note there. So the story is supposedly set during the golden age of the middle east and begins with our heroine Shahrzad getting married to the Caliph of Khorasan. At this point, the Caliph is known to have been marrying a new girl every day and having her executed at dawn. No one knows why, and when Shahrzad’s best friend becomes a victim to this madness our heroine takes it upon herself to take revenge. She volunteers to become the Caliph’s next bride and her game plan is to basically just stay alive long enough to kill the Caliph with her own hands... or something like that. 

Obviously she wasn’t successful, otherwise this series would have ended much sooner. Shahrzad manages to stay alive for the first two nights by telling stories, and while I personally have not read One Thousand and One Nights I assume that the stories Shahrzad told come directly from that collection. Shahrzad is later taken to be executed, but the Caliph himself stops the hanging and this is where we start to see the Caliph for more than what he seems to be. Their growing relationship begins to unfold at this point, and a lot of elements in the story such as magic and politics come to light. 

So let’s start with the romance, because I am a hardcore lover of all things romance and this is always my favorite topic to begin with. While I adore the Caliph and Shahrzad’s relationship, I can’t help but wonder “Why her?” By the time the Caliph marries Shahrzad, he has already married and executed 71 or 72 other women. What is it about her that actually makes him go like, “Oh wait. Maybe there is another way to end my curse. Maybe I don’t need to go through and kill 30 more brides.” We find out that the Caliph had quite a lot of appreciation and respect for all the brides he had to execute, so much so that he went and wrote each of their families a personalized letter about his sorrow and admiration for the girl (none of which he ever sent out). But what exactly was it about Shahrzad that made him decide he would rather suffer the consequences of his curse than see through its completion? Shahrzad captivated him with her storytelling, a trait that is supposedly reminiscent of the Caliph’s mother, whom the Caliph had a very close and loving relationship with until she met her tragic end. So I guess that’s something that brought out a side of the Caliph that was lost for a very long time after his mother died, but I still feel like that’s not quite enough to make me understand “Why Shahrzad?”. 

With that question aside, I do think their relationship is paced quite well and I am glad to see that Ahdieh didn’t just make them fall instalove with each other quite so fast. Shahrzad is filled with hatred for her husband, and while this does melt away by the end of the first book I think it is portrayed quite fittingly. The slight love triangle (if I can even call it that since it was just so obvious that the heroine would end up with the Caliph) was surprisingly not too annoying. I loved Tariq’s character; his devotion and loyalty are truly admirable in a man. I can’t help but feel bad for the guy though, considering he has been with Shahrzad their whole lives and he really was that close to asking for her hand in marriage before she decided to take off and kill the Caliph on her own. The reconciliation between Tariq and the Caliph in the second book, The Rose and the Dagger was also well-written. I still remember how much tension there was in that scene, right after Tariq fired the arrow intending for the Caliph and striking Shahrzad instead. As cheesy as it sounds, I could almost feel the anger stirring in the Caliph and the regret that filled Tariq’s mind. Tariq is seriously such an awesome dude, and in all honesty, I would ABSOLUTELY read a spin-off about him and Yasmine the Sultana. *Insert googly heart eyes here*

Now as for the Caliph himself, I’m conflicted. On one hand, I found his dedication to Shahrzad absolutely heartstopping especially after reading about the origins of his curse and his seriously tragic backstory. On the other hand, I do find him to be somewhat... bland aside from his immense love for the heroine. He’s a hurt boy who’s made lots of mistakes in his past so I guess it makes sense for him to be incredibly detached from his feelings. I think I just wish I saw a little more character development from him, especially by the end of the series. Mostly everything he does throughout pretty much the entire two books are driven by the sole fact that he loves Shahrzad and would rather destroy himself than to hurt her. While it’s implied, I really wished Ahdieh included at least a small blurb in the epilogue about the Caliph’s reconciliation with his former tutor, especially considering the tutor did A LOT for both the Caliph and Shahrzad. Furthermore, I understand the Caliph not wanting to marry Yasmine out of spite for her father but did he really need to be so emotionally detached from her despite her obviously caring about him a lot? Like, did he really need to be so utterly emotionally detached from literally EVERYONE except for Shahrzad? For the entirety of the series?? Hmmm. At least in my head, I envision him as such a hot dude with an amazing physique.

I also wanted to include a short note on Shahrzad’s father. I understand his emotions, his intent, and his motivations for all the shitty things he did (which admittedly are not entirely his fault as he was totally manipulated towards the end of the story). What I do not understand nor do I think will I EVER totally understand is his role at the very end of the story, right before the epilogue. So out of sheer rage over the Caliph destroying his grimoire of dark magic, Shahrzad’s father goes and stabs the Caliph right in the heart, killing him. Then immediately after everyone crowds around the Caliph in despair, he realizes he seriously fucked up and decides to give his life to perform blood magic one more time and give the Caliph his life back? I think I understand why Ahdieh wrote this ending this way, but I can’t help but feel like it came off as kind of lazy, tbh. I felt like she wanted to tie up the loose ends of the story and figured the quickest way to do it would just to have Shahrzad’s father kill himself (and then have Tariq’s uncle be betrayed by his sellswords). Maybe Tariq’s uncle’s end was necessary, but I feel like Shahrzad’s father’s death was lazy writing. I can’t understand why he would’ve needed to die, and if the author had been willing to write a couple more pages of dialogue I think she could’ve wrapped his arc up much better. 

To save my favorite for last, I’m going to end with my thoughts on Despina aka probably my favorite character in the entire series and probably also one of my favorite side-kicks as well. Now, we are told pretty early on that Despina is a spy. Despina never clarifies for whom, so we just immediately assume Shahrzad’s thoughts: Despina’s purpose is to spy on Shahrzad for the Caliph. Turns out that’s only half true. Despina is a spy, yes, but it turns out she’s a spy for the Caliph’s uncle, Sultan of Parthia. And it turns out that the Sultan of Parthia is actually Despina’s biological father. Yes, the woman is half Grecian half Parthian. I can only IMAGINE how beautiful this woman is. Despina is first introduced as Shahrzad’s handmaiden and is pretty awesome in the sense that she’s just always there for Shahrzad. She’s there for her, but she’s also not the Calipha’s bitch. Despina leads everyone else to believe she is a simple handmaiden, but she hides a lot of secrets and motivations. She leads a romance with the Caliph’s cousin, a commander or guard of the military or something (my memory really is that bad, yes). She then goes and disappears in the second book, reappearing during her reintroduction as a PRINCESS of Parthia, to Shahrzad’s horror. For a brief couple of chapters, we all thought Despina betrayed Shahrzad and their friendship but it turns out Despina’s motivations run way deeper than that. No, Despina’s PISSED. She’s pissed because her dad is, quite frankly, a total cunt. And she’s pissed because she’s realized that no matter what she does for him, the Sultan of Parthia will never truly acknowledge her as his daughter the same way he does for Yasmine. And during her many years of servitude to her own father (as a way to earn his love, bleh) she realizes that she doesn’t care about her bloodline and her relationship to royalty. She doesn’t care that she’s actually a Princess of Parthia. Nah, she cares about the family she’s chosen for herself, and that family includes her romance with the Caliph’s cousin and their UNBORN CHILD. Despina’s entire character arc was seriously fabulous, and I would pay stupid money to read an entire spin-off about her life. Seriously. To top it all off, I was really about to drop the second book and leave it unfinished when I thought Despina had betrayed Shahrzad. My heart couldn’t take it. But I’m so glad that wasn’t the case, and I think Ahdieh wrote Despina’s character and journey INCREDIBLY beautifully and despite being a side character, I think she’s probably the most fleshed out and well-done character in the entire series. Case closed.

In conclusion, not a bad series at all. I’m not super critical of books that I read since I think I just have a really low standard. I can tolerate mostly anything aside from truly bad writing (think 50 Shades of Grey levels of bad writing... or fanfiction written by literal tweens with way too much emphasis on love triangles). While I wasn’t the BIGGEST fan of the male love interest, the romance that was shared between him and the heroine was nevertheless still very touching. I love how elegantly Ahdieh wove magical themes into the story, love love love her inclusion of the magic carpet which is probably one of my favorite magical elements from One Thousand and One Nights. Our heroine was strong-minded, kind-hearted, and had a “silver tongue” that I personally loved! God, if only I could spit firey comebacks as quick as she could. So many more middle school arguments would have gone in my favor. And finally Despina... *swoons*. 

[juju-on-that-yeet]

So, woo, the new Stevenbomb. I really enjoyed these episodes on every level. The plot, the world-building, and the new characters were all so enjoyable, and I’m sure most of you agree with me on that. But something that stuck out to me, and maybe the only real problem I have with this arc, is much closer to home. This mostly has spoilers for “Steven’s Dream,” but I pull from “Adventures in Light Distortion” a bit as well.

Basically, I am very, very proud of Steven right now. And very, very disappointed in Garnet.

I had no idea how much I wanted to see Steven’s outburst in “Steven’s Dream.” It was such a good moment for him. He finally put his foot down and said he’d had enough of the white lies and half-truths. He finally demanded respect from the gems. And what was Garnet’s response? That Steven isn’t ready for that respect. Steven’s not ready to be treated as the capable person that he is. I’ll break it down a little with quotes from the episode:

“I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on.”

“Does this have something to do with Pink Diamond? I already know Mom shattered her, so what is it about this that you can’t tell me?”

Steven is absolutely in the right here. Do the Crystal Gems remember what Steven’s been through? Do they remember the things he’s learned, the things he’s done? The days where he was a child getting into things he wasn’t ready for are long gone. He may still be a kid, but he’s had enough experience with “gem stuff” to last a lifetime. He knows what he can and can’t do by now, and if you haven’t noticed, the “can’t do” category has been getting smaller by the episode. He can be trusted with information, especially since the Crystal Gems have already promised it to him. No more secrets, no more lies.

But of course, the instant Steven wants the gems to fulfill that promise, they back down. Pearl clams up, and Garnet responds to Steven with this (for lack of a better term) gem:

“Please, you’re making Pearl very upset!”

Hey, Garnet, newsflash: This isn’t about Pearl. This is about Steven. And this line in particular is Garnet attempting to derail the conversation and dismiss Steven’s anger. I don’t want to read too deeply into this, but I have to point something out: Steven is the most empathetic person on the planet, yes? So telling him that he’s hurting someone else is the best way to get him to stop doing something you don’t want him to do, yes? To her credit, I don’t think Garnet was thinking that hard about it, but it’s just a thought I had.

But I love, love Steven’s response:

“No, I’m very upset!!”

Yes, yes, yes. Tell her, Steven. This is about you, not Pearl or Garnet or anyone else. Steven has every right to feel this way, and I’m so glad he finally got the guts to say it. This was the moment where I started cheering him on. Steven is such a sweet person that it’s easy to forget that he has his own wants and needs that have to be addressed. He’s so easy-going and averse to conflict that it makes it easy for others to push him around, intentionally or not. Steven knows how to stick to his guns in the name of a good cause, I’m not saying he doesn’t. But how often does he talk back? Disobey? How often doe he act like a kid?? But it’s warranted here, it’s deserved. Steven deserves to be angry, and deserves to let others know.

Garnet again attempts to shut him down by telling him that “Rose wouldn’t want him to know.” Which is so, so stupid. Really, Garnet, we’ve done this before. We’ve hashed that out before. You expect Steven to just accept that response? So then we get this:

“Rose wanted…argh, what about what I want?? I’m sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my Mom! Out of anyone, don’t I deserve to know the truth!?”

“This isn’t the time.”

“I. Don’t. CARE! I wanna go there NOW!!”

Jesus Christ, Garnet, THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME. Listen to Steven for once! Address his needs!! And it’s right here that Steven starts to really act like a petulant little kid, but can you blame him? That’s the THIRD time in like a minute that Garnet has tried to dismiss Steven’s very valid concerns. And Steven continues to stand his ground. Good on you Steven, good on you. He does deserve the truth. He does deserve the trust of the Crystal Gems. If they continue to treat him like he’s still on Episode 1, then he has every right to push back against it.

“I…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought the book…”

“Yes, you should have brought it! It’s lucky that SOMETHING has some information that I don’t have to get out of THEM!!”

It’s when Connie interjects that you truly see that this is not just about Steven wanting information about the palinquin. This is Steven getting fed up with the way the gems hide things from him. He’s proven himself over and over again, and it’s never good enough for them. He’s frustrated. He’s angry. He’s probably a little bit sad, too. But he knows it’s not on him. He knows he’s in the right. And I’m so proud of him for knowing that.

Now, we can get more into Garnet’s side of things. I’ve already shown how poorly she responded to Steven, but it keeps going after Steven goes outside and Garnet follows:

“I don’t understand, Garnet. At least you’re usually honest with me.”

“I really want to be. But if I tell you why you shouldn’t go, you’ll only want to go more.”

“What?? Well now I really wanna go!”

“Ugh, I shouldn’t have said that! You can’t go because I can’t go with you!”

Garnet keeps trying to convince Steven why he shouldn’t go, but keeps being dodgy about the reason why. What does Garnet expect? Steven wasn’t born yesterday. If Garnet had any hope of convincing Steven not to go, she had to be fully and completely honest with him about it. That’s literally all Steven has wanted this whole time: Honesty. Honesty about Pink Diamond, the palinquin, everything. And Garnet refuses to give it to him. Steven most definitely feels betrayed. He’s right, Steven usually can trust Garnet for things like this. But he’s just discovered that when push comes to shove, she can’t deliver. As a side note, I think that Ruby’s anxiety is peeking through here, given the “you’ll only want to go more” bit. It really sounds like Garnet spoke without thinking there. But hey, Garnet isn’t just Ruby, and Ruby’s not the only one saying the wrong things, as I’ll show you in a bit.

“I…I’m scared. I can’t get near her…”

Do I blame Garnet for being scared? No. I don’t now, and I didn’t even before I knew “she” meant Blue Diamond. But here’s what I do blame her for:

“Steven, please, just stay here. For me.”

“I won’t.”

“I know.”

I blame her for knowing what her words would lead to and making no effort to change them.

You can’t tell me that every single future involved Steven and Greg finding Blue Diamond. You can’t tell me that there was a possible future of the Crystal Gems accompanying Steven, or Steven learning the truth from the gems and not going at all. This is where Sapphire peeks through, I think: Seeing the most likely possibility and just letting it happen. But this is Garnet. Garnet does not stand idly by and watch the world turn. Garnet understands that the future is not set in stone and that everyone has the power to change it. But she makes no effort to change this future. She would rather let Steven go off on his own than be honest with him so he doesn’t have to. “Stay here for me?” Again, Garnet, Steven wasn’t born yesterday. He needs more than that, and you knew it, but you wouldn’t give it to him.

Might Steven had gone anyway even if Garnet told him everything? Maybe. Probably. But at the very least he would have been prepared. He also likely would be able to get Garnet to go with him like she should have. If she couldn’t tell Steven the truth, she should have gone with him to find it. I know, she was scared, she was right to be scared. So scared, apparently, that she would rather let Steven go off on his own and possibly be hurt than go with him. Boo, Garnet. That’s not what a Crystal Gem would do. It didn’t have to just be you, you know, you aren’t the only Crystal Gem.

The kicker is that, after that whole big thing, she catches up to Steven anyway after it’s too late to help him. You can see why I’m not super-sympathetic to her here.

Now, we jump ahead to “Adventures in Light Distortion,” at the very end:

“I…I was pushing so hard, I just wanted to get Dad back so much. I…I almost wrecked the mission. This whole thing is my fault.”

It doesn’t take a genius to infer that “this whole thing” isn’t just referring to the space shenanigans they just experienced. Steven is clearly referencing everything, from the time on the ship to Greg’s kidnapping to his outburst in “Steven’s Dream.” Just like how his outburst wasn’t just caused by one event, neither was this line. Steven is referring to everything that transpired thus far. And now that he’s not angry anymore, he feels bad. It’s his gosh-darn sweet personality that prevents him from staying angry. He probably regrets his outburst, warrented though it was. He puts the blame on himself for starting the entire problem.

But as we’ve seen, Steven’s not the only person to blame here, if we can blame him at all. Garnet has not been the person Steven needed her to be. She said all the wrong things despite knowing where it would lead. She refused to tell Steven the truth despite knowing how capable he’s proven himself to be. She treated him like a baby when he’s growing more and more with every episode.

So, in light of all this, what does Garnet say to Steven?

“Steven…you didn’t kidnap Greg. Blue Diamond did.”

Nope. Wrong answer. Try again.

This response tells us that Garnet knows that Steven isn’t just referring to what happened on the ship. She knows he’s talking about everything that happened, including their arguments. So, does she take responsibility for her mistakes? Does she own up to her refusal to trust Steven and what it’s caused? No. She removes herself from it entirely.

Here’s what she should have said: “Steven, none of this is your fault. I should have been honest with you from the beginning, and I’m sorry I wasn’t. I’ll do whatever it takes to make this right, and that includes having more faith in you.”

I don’t hate Garnet for this, I really don’t. I just know she’s better than this, and I want her to be better than this. I want her to give Steven the trust and honesty that he’s earned time and time again. I also want to give Steven a hug and a decent apology because damn if the kid doesn’t deserve it. I’m so happy to see him stand up for himself and hold his ground against someone he normally wouldn’t dare to. He’s tired of the gems selling him short, and he’s made it known. I hope Garnet figures out how to give Steven what he deserves, and I hope Steven continues to demand not just her respect, but the respect of all the Crystal Gems.

This is the first analysis-type post I’ve done of Steven Universe, so forgive me if anything is unclear or if I’m objectively wrong about anything. Also, keep in mind that this is all my opinion. I’m not saying my interpretation of these lines is the only one, or even that it’s what the writers were going for. The way it’s treated by the narrative suggests otherwise, at least to me. But I hope you get something interesting or valuable out of all these words!

[aditi-kumar-prod500-journal]

PROD 500 Assignment: Vision Writing (Autobiography and Influences)

Autobiography and Influences

School:

It was a era predominantly marked by confusion, incredible envy and tremendous achievement at the same time. Despite excelling in my studies, training as much as time allowed at sports and pushing myself to do the very best for various institutions, I remember feeling happy during only a handful of moments. Teachers straddled the line between being completely supportive and rather regressive, while my schoolmates seemed to forever gossip or conspire to make the next non-conformist feel terribly about themselves.

However, if it weren’t for these conflicting forces, I would not have learned the value of hard work. Not everything came easy to me at first. But by dint of sheer bullheaded-ness (in fact, all I lacked were actual horns; I could be quite undiplomatic when I wanted to succeed badly), and the unflinching support of my parents (who in fact, believed in me more than I did myself - they often became angry if I seemed to give up at anything), I was able to attain a sense of dignity. That prevented me from kowtowing to the more ‘popular’ crowd. More importantly, the desperation to be liked, to prove myself was instead channelled into drive, not addiction. And with the help of an incredible friend who saw me through it all, I passed this phase without too much difficulty into the next.

Adolescence:

Can there be a period in your life where you remember feeling more angry than anything else? I had a chip on my shoulder about everything - from people who I was sure disliked me right off the bat, to people who really did despise me, to the way I was handling my insecurities. Instead of carefully working through them a step at a time, I’d bundle them all into one fragile basket of eggs, before dumping this on the next person who irked me. Needless to say, I was not especially kind to the people I loved, despite only wanting to be liked by everyone.

That was the key need: wanting to be liked, adored, respected. The last was begrudgingly earned because of various leadership positions I occupied over the years in school - I always did justice to my roles - but the first two were more successful in alienating others. I could be a very nice person, till I decided I had something to prove.

People I’ve loved:

He was unlike anyone I had ever met. Aloof, selfish in his need to protect himself But he was also extraordinarily kind and easy to talk to, which I’d experienced with very few before. Curiously, I readily befriended without constantly questioning his actual motives - which meant that I had absolutely no unnecessary standard to live up to.

It seemed like we could talk forever and still not cover everything we wanted each other to know. Learning about the niches in popular culture - he was very knowledgeable when it came to music and films - was now pleasurable, not an exercise in internally comparing ourselves to the other. Of course, the deep affection I had for him grew into my first love - and the moment I decided I was happy - happy that I’d found someone without any expectation of him reciprocating - a major portion of my insecurities fell away like old snakeskin. 

It ended as most first loves do - on a semi-sweet parting note. His agenda was to cut off from everyone he’d met during college (for this was when I met him), and he’s ended up sticking to it. As for me, I will always remember him with immense gratitude. He gave me the confidence to be myself. 

People I’ve hated:

We started out as best friends, and because we grew up together, we did everything in twos. I revered her - she was older by nearly a year, and acted it too, but somewhere along the way, the terrible curse of middle school hit. Suddenly, popularity was her number one goal (as was mine, but to a lesser and less successful degree). She quickly realized that I was prone to being mocked for deserved and undeserved reasons, and left me in the dust. I become bitter, jealous and spent most of my high school years in real unhappiness, for she also seemed to have the knack of taking away people I was close to by turning them into her lackeys.

In retrospect, this could have partly been a reaction to the secret rivalry we had, one that made us intensely competitive for a very long time. The arenas ranged from academics, to individual achievements, to winning the affection of various people in the building complex where we lived. I suspect we never were truly content with our lives - although this worked as great motivation - and that we were both frankly relieved when school ended. It meant the end of a tiring relationship forced upon us - we did not talk about our mutual resentment, and her folks did not make it easier by pretending all was hunky-dory and friendly between us.

Today, it’s a little easier to speak to her. I will probably never understand her fully, and vice-versa. But the distance has helped put the past in a new perspective. We learned hard lessons because of each other and are perhaps better for it.

Art:

The first stories I heard were about the gods and goddesses in Hindu mythology. My mum and dad regaled me in their own ways (my father’s tales had a slightly more religious bent) about the cowherd prince Krishna who stole butter; who would eventually grow up to oversee the events leading up to the legendary Kurukshetra war. There was the honorable Ram, the mischievous but big-hearted monkey-god Hanuman, Arjuna the brave warrior…and then, from the West, about Achilles, Helen, Hector and Athena.

Heroes versus villains. The struggle between good and evil - various forms of each force, of course - have been a regular feature in my imagination. Anything that involved a epic, life-changing moment to fight back influenced me, from Mulan and Aladdin and most importantly, the Harry Potter series. Even today, if I have to be brave about something, my mantra is to chant, ‘If Harry can, I can.’ The themes of friendship and sacrifice from JK Rowling added nuance to my black-and-white view of the world.

But it’s not all popular culture. My mother is an artist. From the bright, sunlit colors of Vermeer’s portraits and Van Gogh’s achingly vivid work, to Rembrandt’s elusive impressionism, her descriptions and my own research have helped me, to an extent, pursue the fine arts on my own time. I’m not the best at it, but the practice has helped better my visual storytelling abilities. My mother’s averse to anime art, though, and that was a wonderful discovery I made all by myself - in fact, it was learning the media’s strange parameters for its characters that made me practice sketching seriously.

Having grown up in Oman, big bare landscapes are the kindling to what I consider free-flowing inspiration. Its stark, rugged mountains, the unflinching heat, the unspoiled, undulating sand dunes and in sharp contrast, the utter blueness of Oman’s waters are home for me, where I can breathe and dream freely. 

Role models:

Harry Potter, the orphan who found a purpose thrust upon him, and rose to the occasion. Fa Mulan, who took a potentially fatal risk and ended up saving China. Aladdin, the diamond in the rough. And Benjamin Franklin ‘Hawkeye’ Pierce of M*A*S*H, a devil-may-care surgeon who got so worked up over an injustice that he rode a jeep in bloodied scrubs through a war zone to an international conference, and protested.

Fiction is as influenced by reality as real life is by the art we make, and these four characters are heroes of mine - or should I say, very close to becoming anti-heroes till they grasped the first opportunity they were given to fulfill tremendous potential. That such initial pieces-of-work, who really believed they were creation’s mistakes, could defeat the very notion on their own, is something I try to emulate everyday. It’s a great way to overcome my severe imposter syndrome.

It’s harder to find people like that in real life, however, because of that irritating truth: they can change, and for the worse. Having said that however, JK Rowling (for her belief in failing to succeed, and the immersive world she’s created), Andy Samberg (for crazy perseverance, comedic talent and the immense clarity of mind he portrays in public), Alan Alda (for the absolute love of the work and play balance) and Charlotte Bronte (for her early feminism, and for doggedly pursuing her literary ambitions) are my role models.

And now, in my life, there are three who have made a mark on who I am today. My mum is the earliest and most enduring. We are oil and water in terms of personality, but her strategic patience and boundless love are two qualities I have to strive to imbibe. In that, she is second to none.

My dad rose from a deprived background, where some family members were decidedly less moral than others. Despite that, he refused to work without studying and today, is the only one to make it out of this narrow-minded society. His determination to prove himself, and admittedly silly humor are why I believe life is always worth improving by trying just a little harder.

The last is tricky, for I have changed in spite of him. A friend I consider a mentor in some ways, and a former crush, he is hugely talented but curiously cynical for it. I tried to become him, failed and learned the difficult way. I have come to see his virtues and faults, and have decided to forgive myself because he doesn’t; have aimed at trying to be more optimistic because he doesn’t; have moved on from believing that a single word of disapproval from him will ruin everything I’ve achieved regardless. He is a wonderful teacher, and he doesn’t even know how much I’ve studied from him!