#how long before the fandom absorbs me pls

[asgardian--angels]

what are some of your favorite rammstein songs? what album would you choose to recommend to others? if you're able to choose (i know it can be difficult to do with favorite bands, lol) i grew up only hearing one of their songs and your reblogs make me curious to branch out!

Hi there!! I'm always happy to talk about bands I love haha right now since I've yet to really become a part of the fandom and I only know one or two people irl that like the same music as me I feel like I've been shouting into the void lately so like, I am gratified to know someone's listening XD

I'm by no means a Rammstein expert as I'm fairly new to the fandom and the band overall (been listening for about a year), that's my disclaimer. But I've furiously been trying to catch up with their 30-odd years of history!

I'm guessing the song you know is probably Du Hast? That is the song that I grew up knowing as well and for a very long time was the only song I heard from them. It's a very... mainstream? song, I suppose, for their standards; catchy, simple lyrics that non-German speaking audiences can sing along to, pounding repetitive militaristic beat, great to introduce international audiences to this Neue Deutsche Härte genre that was quite distinct from American metal at the time (I moved over to European metal genres about five years ago after exhausting my interest in American metal, there really just seems to be a lot more creativity going on there). While it's a good song it's by no means my favorite nor representative of their level of technical skill nor lyrical poetry. Plus it was a fairly early song in their discography, and their sound has evolved multiple times since then, as all bands do.

It's definitely hard to choose favorites as I really love all of their albums and all of the various sounds the band has gone through. They continually reinvent themselves and remain relevant and fresh, and that sustained passion always comes through in their art. There's also like, songs-that-are-my-favorite and songs-I'd-recommend-to-new-listeners which aren't always the same. I have bolded my recommendations here so you don't need to sift through all this haha.

In my opinion, their overall best album is Liebe Ist Für Alle Da (2009). It is incredibly solid as a total package; their musically heaviest era I'd say, high production quality, long tracklist and they're all jams. Rammstein doesn't half-ass anything, but LIFAD is like a self-contained universe and the concerts that go along with that era had some of the coolest stage productions & costumes. 'Rammlied' and 'Ich Tu Dir Weh' are two iconic, classic songs from this album that I couldn't recommend enough. The latter is imo one of the best songs they've ever done and the music video is killer, and is an excellent representation of the sort of enchanting darkness mixed with beauty that characterizes so much of their appeal. It was the first song of theirs I learned all the words to, and the song that made me want to listen to more Rammstein. If anything, listen to that song first out of all of these recommendations! I hope it can do that for you too. It remains an absolutely mesmerizing song for me to this day. Rammlied is one of a number of songs they have about the relationship between band and fans, great for live performances but also just a fun heavy metal song to headbang to. The chant in the beginning is so good, I’ve got it on a t-shirt haha.

While I think that's the *best* album, my personal favorite is Mutter (2001). A solid collection of impactful songs that flow in tone very well. It just has a special place in my heart! 'Sonne' is a must-listen, also I think one of the most iconic songs they've ever done. You'll never be able to get it out of your head, and pretty easy to memorize lyrics too - it was the second full song I learned. 'Mein Herz Brennt' is a dark, intense, heavy-hitting ballad with a spine-tingling music video, a great example of one of their 'dark fairytale' type songs that are common in their work. Till Lindemann specializes in these sort of speak-singing melodies that weave a twisted children's bedtime story (others like this are Wiener Blut, Spieluhr, and Puppe, I highly recommend the latter). My personal favorite from that album besides Sonne is Adios.

Literally tho all their albums are great, and I don't know your personal preferences for rock genres so you may like their earlier or later work better;

Their 90s work is more raw, less polished, as I think I could say for most bands that began in the 90s when these genres were fresh and members were young with a lot of angst and energy! Those albums, Herzeleid (1995) and Sehnsucht (1997), are absolutely worth listening to. I would recommend the songs 'Engel', 'Sehnsucht', and 'Du Riechst So Gut', to get a sense for how that era sounded. (Hardcore fans don't get on me here, I love all the songs from then, 'Laichzeit' and 'Eifersucht' are among my personal favs).

Then there are the two mid-2000s albums Reise, Reise (2004) and Rosenrot (2005), which again are just, high quality, solid pieces of work. You notice I say solid a lot here, and that's because everything that Rammstein produces is of high quality; they're true professionals who strive to perfection and I think they really put out their best in everything they do. Three classic songs from these albums are 'Mein Teil' (dark and intense, about a real life cannibalism case, music video does not mess around lmao), 'Rosenrot', and for funsies, 'Benzin' (one of their classic blow-shit-up songs you can't help but love). I think some of their deepest, most poetic songs are from these two albums. personal favs include Dalai Lama, Hilf Mir, and Ein Lied (the latter is probably my favorite song they've ever done, but it's by no means a hit or anything, just one of those quiet little 'when you're lonely we're here for you' melodies)

Their two new albums, Untitled (2019) and Zeit (2022) definitely move into a new musical era for them, and again demonstrate their dedication to consistent high production quality. I cannot recommend the song and video 'Deutschland' high enough - you absolutely must watch the video, preferably as your first listen of the song. It's more of a short film, and I think it changed me on a genetic level lmao. Deals with the conflicted feelings and politics of national pride in a country with blood on its hands, and the video is one of the most aesthetically stunning things I've ever seen. 'Zeit' is of a similar vein in terms of being the powerful ballad on the latest album, also with a great video, a very moving, sad song about the inevitability of loss and the passage of time. (again, I love everything on these albums too, I already mentioned Puppe, which is A++. Schwarz and Lügen have risen to the top on Zeit tbh, but that's between you and me).

I'm going to stop myself there, as I could just keep telling you to listen to everything they've ever done, but hopefully you will take that upon yourself at some point ;D Till has an incredible baritone voice with a fantastic range of styles that he knows how to use to full effect to weave moving tales that will stick with you. It got me off my ass to learn how to pronounce German! I hope you enjoy the recommendations, they're very much classic singles but still decent examples of their various eras.

[fallingforel]

Prompt 59 “Don’t you think you’ve done enough?” as louis fluff please!

if it’s possible, where louis comforts y/n after finding her arguing with her now ex-bf? maybe admits his feelings to her as well?

a/n how are all of you my lovelies I actually love these types of asks as it gives me a background as to what you sort of want to go in it rather than give me free reign so I'd be more than happy to do it :) anywhooo on with the show also wanted to do a crossover between my fandoms so matty's the ex bf (because he's the best fit for the way the ex is I love him 75 fans pls dont come for me 🙏🙏)

PROMPT 59: "Don't you think you've done enough?"

words: 887 (sorry its kinda short)

"OH YOU WOULD JUST LOVE THAT WOULDN'T YOU?"

"LOVE WHAT MATTY?"

"OH COME ON Y/N ANYONE WOULD BE AS BLIND AS A BAT TO SEE IT. YOU BOTH SO CLEARLY WANT TO FUCK EACHOTHER LIKE RABBITS YOU WERE JUST WAITING FOR ME TO SEE IT WEREN'T YOU!" He remarks back to me, which earns a slap right on his cheek

"DONT YOU DARE SPEAK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! HE'S MY BEST-" I'm interrupted by my hotel door swinging open the one I share with Louis my best mate, who just so happened to be the cause of the argument I'm in with my boyfriend right now who surprised me because his band was in the same city mine was in so he popped by only to find out I was sharing a room with him which sparked the jealousy in him to rise.

"yo. Y/n you coming to bar 21 tonight supposed to be so lively on a friday night." "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE HERE HE GOES AGAIN TRYING TO GET WITH MY GIRLFRIEND." "WOAH! mate I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. But she is just my bestfriend, always was always will be int that right y/n"

"see exactly! I said this Matty why can't you just see the truth?" "Don't you think you've done enough, Louis. You know what forget it, you and I" Matty remarks back gesturing between me and him "WERE DONE!" Is all he says before storming out and slamming the door shut. And I'm dropping to my knees against the wall which I was leaning against while the argument was taking place. Which makes Louis run over to catch me before gently placing me down on the floor and crouching down and pulling me into a hug while sobbing into his shoulder.

"Oh! y/n sweetheart. He doesn't deserve you he never has knew from the minute you two met at the meeting of him trying to sell the sound to us that he was a pretentious self absorbed prick. George was nice though" "You know what we need to do now." I quipped back after laughing and putting my head on his shoulder where he was now next to me on the wall "what?" "Put change your ticket on the album to piss him off it's not out yet." "Yeah he deserves it, specially after what he just did to you self righteous prick"

"haha! I love you lou" I say "HAHAH! bit too early for that y/n love don't ya think?" he jokes "I'm being dead serious, I don't know if matty helped me see it or what, but I think I have always loved you specially after bootcamp. but you got with eleanor before I could even admit my feelings to you and then you guys broke up, I know it's not out to the media and what not yet but Louis I seriously seriously love you."

"Oh what the fuck!" is all he says before he's doing a quick 180 turn and pulling me in for a long kiss hands cupped on my face, and pulling back sighing before pulling me in again but this time peppering kisses all over my face.

⋆｡°✩

1 month later

"Lou! Babe!" I shout out where he appears toothbrush in mouth popping his head round the bathroom door "what is it sweetheart is everything okay?" "yeah yeah just have you seen this" "what is it? two secs just brushing my teeth" he says speech muffled by the plastic object occupying his mouth

he soons pops back out the bathroom and I hand him my ipad which has the article loaded on the screen.

"what did I tell you, I knew it would piss him off"

"yeah you told me alright, here you are Matty texted you"

"alright pass it back"

Matty: low blow don't ya think?

Y/n: maybe but I knew it would piss ya off so you're welcome ;)

Matty: FUCK YOU Y/N and your boyfriend

Y/n: how'd ya know about that only close family and friends know

Matty: **attached image**

open attached image?

[YES] [NO]

louist91

liked by: bedfordanes75 and 1,067,569 others

louist91: @trumanblack stole your girl lol

fan1: eleanor and louis broke up??? DID HE CHEAT?? surely Y/n must know he cheated

fan2: @fan1 fuck eleanor and louis. what about y/n and matty did he know?

eleanorj92: @fan1 dont worry, he didn't cheat. we've been broken up for quite some time now I'm happy if he's happy :) congrats @y/n and @louist91

view 3,600 other comments

Y/n: Lol at least its out now. wasn't even aware he did this. Bye matty enjoy the rest of your life and stop worrying about mine ;)

⋆｡°✩

"You're a menace you"

"Why? whatever have I done?" Louis quips back in a pretending not to know tone

"You know exactly what. Thought we were waiting until the break up articles were out?"

"we were but I thought I'd piss off mr self righteous even more than he already is"

"You're gonna get shit from management hope you know that"

"Anything if it means I get to parade my love for you around"

"I hate you, and your big romantic gestures"

"No. You love me and my big romantic gestures."

"You're right I do" I say leaning in to kiss him.

⋆｡°✩

end.

[divinefireangel]

I'll Take Care Of You.

SF9 Taeyang x GN! Reader Fluff.

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. If this piece of fan fiction is offensive to any celebrity, fandom or culture please let me know so I can take it down. Also note that this is my version of a character or celeb, which will vary from person to person.

Author's Note: I hope this helps you Rosie. I'm sorry that you've been going through such a hard time. But I promise you it gets better. Also sadly I may have included things I do when I have bad anxiety 🥺

Copyright: Please note that this is my work and if you want to publish this on any other platform, take my permission before doing so. Taking an author's work and posting it somewhere else without any intimation is just disrespectful. I readily welcome suggestions and criticisms. That being said, Happy reading! 🤍

Warnings: 15+ ages and all readers (nothing specified with respect to gender, appearance, etc of reader). They/them pronouns used. Anxiety, mention of not eating properly, just overall lack of selfcare. Angsty fluff ig? Lmk if I need to add more. Not proof read, pls ignore any mistakes.

Requested: Yes. By our loveliest @fantasywritings 🥺💛

Can I request a taeyang comfort scenario? I’ve been having a real tough week, my anxiety has been quite bad huhu

1.2k Words

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

" Really Y/N this isn't that difficult. You should know this. It's fine. Just do better next time. "

Do better. Next time. How many next times. Closing their eyes, Y/N took in a shaky breath, absorbing the words that were said to them. Blinking the tears away, Y/N slowly began to pack their stuff to go home. To say that this was probably one of the worst weeks of their life, would be right. Work hadn't been going really well. Neither was their mental health.

Every single minor thing that happened only seemed to make their anxious state worse. They weren't able to eat or sleep properly, barely having energy most days to get up in the morning. And to do work in such a state of mind is so tiring. Feeling overwhelmed, not up to the mark, doing things they're supposed to be good at really badly, didn't help either.

Getting on the bus, Y/N started to make their way home. After days of waiting, finally, hopefully, Y/N can find peace in their boyfriend's embrace. He was busy with Kingdom, Y/N knows it's important so they didn't disturb Taeyang with their problems. But how long can they hide their problems from the one they love.

Even when he was stressed, Taeyang always provided comfort and hope to others. That happens when you are in touch with your emotions I guess. He's always been their rock. Keeping them grounded, in touch with reality, not letting them slip away into the prison in their mind. The physical distance that just happened due to packed schedules and improper planning made the lovers miss each other even when they lived in the same home.

It's around 8:10pm. He won't be home yet. Sniffing Y/N enters their shared home. Taeyang froze. Sniffing? Crying? His baby? His light? Turning the stove off, he slowly walked out to the front door, where Y/N was crouched down on the ground, crying from feeling so many emotions at once. Looking at his curled lover on the floor, Taeyang's heart ached. Were they really going through so much pain alone? Why didn't they tell him what was going on?

Kneeling down, Tae gently touched their hair, patting it softly, kissing their hair once. Lifting their head, Y/N looked at Tae, with tear filled glossy eyes. He was here. He's here. Staring at him, Y/N couldn't help but let all their defences down, letting all their tears fall, allowing themselves to be so vulnerable to him. Tae hugged Y/N's shaky figure, trying his best not to cry too. Petting their head, Taeyang slowly helped them get on their feet, romoving their coat and bag.

Fully embracing their body in his arms, Taeyang nuzzled his face into them, silently telling them, " It's okay. I got you. I'm here now. You can let all your emotions out to me. On me. I'll take care of you. "

Hugging him tighter, Y/N cried and cried till there were no tears in their eyes, body visibly shaking from the pain they had felt and endured alone for the past week. Softly playing his chin on their head, Tae started to hum a faint tune. An action that always calmed Y/N. Rubbing her shoulders, Taeyang pulls away, just enough to look Y/N in the eyes, puffy, red, pain filled eyes. Placing a delicate kiss on their head, Taeyang cradled his lover's face in his palms.

" What happened? Do you want to talk about it? " Shaking their head no, Y/N looked down, feeling tears approaching the brim of their eyes again. Moving their face to his chest, Tae pecked their head again.

" Did you eat something today? Did you drink water? " Y/N hesitated to answer. The truth is, they didn't really know of what they ate would be classified as a meal. But Taeyang knew. He wasn't disappointed. He understood. He always does. Lifting their head from his chest, he kissed the tip of their nose and brought them to the kitchen.

Making them sit on the counter, Taeyang went to the fridge to get a water bottle and some cut apple slices. Opening the bottle, he made them drink water, like a parent does to their child. " Do you want to eat? " He questions, not wanting to make things worse by forcing them to eat right now.

" Not really. " They replied with a small voice. Nodding his head, Taeyang hugs Y/N again.

" I know I haven't been around much this week. Especially for you. And I know that you understand. But next time, please tell me when it gets too much. I love you. I can always make time for you in my schedule. You are the most important thing to me. You never have to go through this alone. Not when I'm here. I love you too much to see you in pain baby. "

Gripping his shirt, Y/N breathes into his neck, calming down listening to his soft voice and reassuring words.

" You are so brave. I'm proud of you. I don't know how you manage to endure so much for so long. But please. You don't ever have to go through this alone again. Tell me what's going on. Talk to me. About everything. I am here for you at any time or any and every day. "

Moving their head up and down they pull away looking at their beautiful boyfriend. His pretty face, perfect nose, soft parted lips, his freshly washed hair, his love filled concerned eyes. He's here. He will always be here. He is your rock. He grounds you. Noticing their breathing has come back to normal, Taeyang lifts them off the kitchen counter. Grabbing their hand, he leads them to their bedroom, making them sit on the bed as he goes to the closet to find them comfortable clothes to wear.

Getting them a pair of shorts and one of his shirts, he helps them out of their outside clothing and into the ones he picked out. Taking them slowly to the washroom, he undoes their hair and wipes their face with a wet towel. All while smiling at them. Once he's done, he pinches the Apple of their cheeks lovingly before taking them to bed, tucking them in.

" Sleep for some time. I'll finish making dinner and wake you up. Okay? " He says, not expecting an answer. Leaning down towards their face, Tae places small kisses all over. Kissing their forehead, eyebrows, fluttering eyelids, the sides of their face, their nose, cheeks and finally a sweet kiss on their lips. Stroking their temple with his thumb he stay in that position for a while, till his lover is asleep.

Life can get hard sometimes. Hard enough to not be able to wake up or do the minimal necessary things. But that's okay. It doesn't make you any less worthy of anything. But pain is temporary. Fear is temporary. And feeling overwhelmed is normal. It's human. You are human. But you also have the strength to get through difficult times. You've done it before, you can do it again, no matter how hard it gets. That's what it is to be human right?

[ak8shi]

FWB HQ Boys: In which you beat the player at his own game!

warnings: Time skip spoilers, mentions of sex(all characters are 18+), alcohol, stupid people in love

a/n: ahh I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA!!! But I’m back with this pls enjoy ! I think the fandom really make germaphobia his only personality trait sometimes which makes me sad because I think he’s actually a quirky/classy dude and very functional in social situations,, I hate to say it but ya’ll would get played by him… sorry.

━Sakusa Kiyoomi

Some of you may be like ???? Omi fucks around ?? how ?? BUT he definitely does in his own way

He probably doesn’t do much in high school to be honest, he’s mostly focused on improving as a volleyball player and achieving his goals

Once he reaches pro level though,,, it’s a different story lmfao

I can see him being picky as hell about his hookups, but just because he’s a bit of a germaphobe doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel attraction or doesn’t have needs…

….He’s so hot too… girl

His hook-ups are always taken seriously though… like he’s the type that feels like he has a professional image to upkeep, so he always arranges things beforehand; he’s definitely not messy about it and sets clear boundaries

I think what makes him kind of a player is how standoffish he can be…and he doesn’t really give anyone a chance because he doesn’t think they what it takes to deal with his lifestyle lmao

He’s just like, its easier to call the uber right after, get into the shower, and wait until he can hear the front door of his apartment shut I’m screamingg

Sakusa also isn’t one to kiss and tell, even with the boys… he doesn’t think its tasteful and would rather not have Atsumu up his ass about his flings

ANYWAYS,, let’s get into this, so you know Atsumu through mutual friends and met during college, and the two of you just instantly clicked since you also were a part of the same sports medicine program as him

Atsumu signed with MSBY and you were so happy for him, but you were bummed because you were busy with PT graduate school and couldn’t really attend any of his games

A year passed and you found yourself texting Tsumu to see if he could meet up and grab coffee since you were on winter break!!

You: hey I’m back in town wanna grab coffee sometime?

Him: who is this

You: I see you haven’t changed ❤️

LMFAO, so you catch up with Atsumu and he talks about his new career and his teammates, he seems so happy :(( we love to see that!!

He invites you to MSBY’s game the following weekend, and you’re pumped to go!! Tsumu got you great seats, and he meets you before warmups to make sure you’re okay finding your way around

Atsumu: don’t take yer eyes off me <3

You:

He’s so…

You’re enjoying the match and you even go to grab Onigiri from Osamu’s stand, but you can’t seem to look away from number 15 on Atsumu’s team

He’s .., scrumptious to say the least 🥴

Like he’s so composed and calculated on the court, and you find it so funny how he rolls his eyes whenever Tsumu says something to him and how Tsumu gets so heated about it 💀

The match ends and you go down to meet Atsumu near the lockers, showing the security your family/friend pass 😌

You walk through the halls trying to locate the setter, but you can’t seem to figure out where he is

The only person in the hall is the tall, dark haired man that caught your eye earlier; he is already walking towards the exit with a mask covering his face, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, sweats embroidered with “Sakusa” adorning his body we’re all looking..... respectfully

He’s truly so intimidating but you’re like….highkey lost… so you don’t really have another option

You catch up with him, poking his shoulder gently; he turns around and his attention on you is almost STARTLING.. like his eyes are SO dark

Him: can I help you

You: sir… if you don’t rail me, I’m gonna have to intervene‼️😈😹

After getting over your initial shock, you hear multiple footsteps rumbling down the hallway towards the both of you

Sakusa lets out an annoyed sigh, muttering about how he has to go, but before he can escape you hear Atsumu’s loud voice LMFAO

“OMIIII, where are you goin’? Its team karaoke night remember?”

Tsumu sees you and slings an arm around your shoulders, “Oh-? So I see you’ve met our outside hitter Omi?”

You glance over at Sakusa, his expressionless eyes glued to your face, then slowly trailing down to analyze the way Atsumu casually has you tucked under his arm

Atsumu nudges him, and he grumbles that he’ll meet them after changing at home before walking off in the direction of the private parking garage

You meet the rest of the MSBY boys in the uber, and find them super friendly and welcoming; Bokuto and Hinata buy the first round of drinks at the karaoke bar, but you only have one because you have work to finish the next day WE STAN

Atsumu already has a pink glow setting into his cheeks when you see the boys turn their attention to Sakusa walking through the front door, looking as handsome as ever in his dress pants and fitted white t shirt

They all shout out incoherent hello’s, and he takes the only open seat next to you with a glass of gin and tonic in his hand he smells so good god

You’re unsure what comes over you, but you find yourself turning towards him, and you just start asking him about himself and his career, and surprisingly he’s very polite and much more animated than you previously thought

His voice is like…so alluring and he never looks away from you when you talk, its like he’s absorbing every word

Meanwhile, Atsumu is stumbling over the stage with Bokuto belting Love by Keisha Cole LMFAOO😭

Tsumu kind of ‘warned’ you in the car ride over that Sakusa was a germaphobe, but you know that Atsumu tends to invade people’s personal space sometimes and it probably wasn’t as dramatic as he made it out to be

However, you weren’t expecting the outside hitter to lean over from his seat after checking the time on his phone, whispering in your ear, asking you if you wanted to meet him at his place later than night WHEW

Girl I would be sweating… and you say yes ofc because who’s going to pass up this type of opportunity-

He gives you a charming smile and is like,, okay cool, I’ll see you later then 😊 I’m dead

Ya’ll exchange phone numbers and he’s like if you need any help with my idiot teammates let me know before he takes off

You don’t tell Tsumu about your little… entanglement plans dsnjaknda but honestly he wouldn’t even remember based on the way he’s slumped against you in the uber he owes you big time

You get home after dropping off Tsumu at Osamu’s, and operation dick appointment with the professional volleyball player is put into action 😈

He sends an uber over to get you ladies do not settle for less please, and you’re BIG nervous but in a good way as in you know this dick is about to be bomb af

SO you’re standing in front of his apartment door, and when he opens it, he’s still in the clothes he wore to the bar and its like 1 am he’s so powerful

Um I feel like he would get straight to it honestly, probably starts with a little convo on the couch and then…

YOU WEREN’T AWARE HE WAS SO DIRTY,,, it was SO good too like after getting home that night you’re going through a crisis… like you had so much chemistry together for having just met, and you wonder if he feels the same way🥺

You caught yourself in sleepless states some nights, kept awake by the thoughts of the way his hands felt against your skin, the way his five o’clock shadow gently rubbed against your face when you kissed, and how he would hold you(only after a thorough shower together of course)

As it happens more and more, he lets you into his life little by little, and you notice and remember small facts about him and he often remembers a lot of the things you tell him about you, its really enjoyable for both of you

Its weirdly domestic to a point but that’s why its so good for both of you???it adds a bit of spice ??

Sakusa: can you come over tonight

You: sorry the retainer is in already <3 no dick sucking for me tonight <3

Him: I bought pastries from that cafe you like

You: say less✈️ I’m coming💃

AND he HAS jokes okay, like he’s funny as hell and very witty when his true self comes out; but he’s also a HUGE tease and he’ll say something completely straight-faced that someone else might take offense to like “you look ugly,” but you just know he’s kidding from being around him long enough and from seeing the little glint in his dark eyes

It becomes a routine thing while you’re home honestly, and you try your best to hide it from Atsumu because you just KNOW you would never hear the end of it; for all he knows, you met him that one time at the bar and that was that

Everything is going smoothly until you slip up at one of their games

You were sitting in the waiting area with the team (mostly talking to Atsumu), when he just says something that makes your short circuit

Atsumu: what kind of animal do ya think omi would be? An octopus maybe?

You: yeah I mean with those flexible wrists it makes sense

Atsumu: what the fawk🤠

He’s like… how do you even know about his flexible wrists IT TOOK ME 6 MONTHS TO GET TO THAT STAGE WITH HIM-

Oops, lmfao so you kind of tell him about everything and he’s literally shocked for you, mostly because he doesn’t want you to get hurt :(

Atsumu: So I see he’s just sleeping with ANYONE anyone

LMAO noo he definitely thinks you’re too good for him and he kind of lectures you, telling you that he had a hunch that he messes around with girls like that, but also you’re an adult and you can take care of yourself, and it isn’t like it’s a serious thing!!

Meanwhile, Omi is like going through a bit of a crisis all alone because everything around him reminds him of you or something you said when you were together

He got with people who were compatible sexually often, but he never had the urge to have them stay over after the deed; he usually immediately called them an uber and wouldn’t speak to them again

He found himself thinking about seeing you in the stands at his games, wishing you were there to cheer for him only, and he adored the way you respected his boundaries unlike many of his hookups

Atsumu probably notices something is off with him at practice

Atsumu: hey…if ya ever want to talk about somethin’-

Sakusa: no

Girl… he doesn’t disclose any of this to anyone

Its nearing the end of your break, and you head over to sakusa’s for probably the last time before you go back to school

You’re kind of at the point where you don’t think anything will happen and you know you shouldn’t get your hopes up, and it goes how it usually goes? Except he kind of hugs you goodbye and your heart goes: 🦋🦋🦋

You go back to school, occasionally texting Tsumu about your graduate program, and before you know it, like 5 months pass by and you’re back for summer!

Tsumu texts you and is like… sorry but I’m forcing you to be my plus-one tonight for this dinner thing I have to go to

So you dress up and he comes to pick you up, and you’re really not sure why you were surprised to see Kiyoomi sitting at the table when you arrive you give Atsumu a nice smack on the back of the head for not warning you

You sit down at the table after greeting everyone, trying your best to not act awkward when you shoot sakusa a small smile that he returns politely (but you don’t see it because of his mask)

Atsumu sits weirdly close to you the entire dinner with his arm around the back of your chair, and he’s just acting strange in general??? Like he’s bragging about your degree program and about your accomplishments, you just know he’s trying something funny; but you don’t really say anything because you don’t want to disrespect him in front of the team’s staff as a guest

You almost choke on your wine and you catch on when Bokuto starts making comments after Atsumu says something,

Atsumu: …so yeah, pretty much she should be our next president in my humble opinion

Bokuto: 🙈WOAH. WHAT?😍 HOW COULD SHE GET ANY BETTER⁉️🙄 OR HOTTER⁉️💪🏼💋

You, sitting there: 🧍‍♀️

He’s so bad at acting I’m crying..,, it becomes so obvious that they’re trying to make Kiyoomi jealous

(the boys plotted beforehand, trying to get Omi to ask you out officially; after you left, he literally would never shut up about you whenever Atsumu mentioned you, and it was just obvious he was in his feels when it came to you)

Atsumu: she’s studying at a café tonight for finals

Sakusa: Yeah so I’m glad you brought it up, because I’ve been thinking about it for days. Fine I guess I’ll say it. Her favorite coffee blend is French roast and she only likes a dash of sugar with a lot of cream, but it has to be hazelnut creamer or else she doesn’t like any-

Everyone in the gym: 🗿

LMAO ANYWAYS ITS LOWKEY WORKING you look over at him and his face is like stone.. girl..

The dinner is almost over and Atsumu gets up to go to the restroom with a wink I hate him, and you get up to catch a breath of fresh air outside

You sit on a bench for a minute, calming yourself down after the eventful dinner, but then you see the door to the restaurant swing open, Sakusa looking around the corner before spotting you

Your heart pounds in your chest as he walks over and asks if he can join you, inspecting the bench before sitting down, pulling his mask down as well

He eases into a conversation by just asking you how you’re doing, basic stuff, but then in the middle of you going off on a tangent about your stupid professor, he stops you

“I missed you.”

He crosses his legs, not looking at you as he takes your hand, intertwines it with his, and places it in his lap

You gaze at him, taken back at his confession, noticing the slight pinkness tinging his pale cheeks

You say you missed him too, and then he’s asking you if you would like to go on an actual date with him

You: wait are you asking me out officially?

Him: Yes. No I’m not. Yes I am❤️

SKSLD Please he’s awkward help him a little, you agree and then you hear a tap on the window behind you, you turn around to see Tsumu, Bokuto and Adriah behind you with big grins on their faces LMFAO 🤡

Kiyoomi rolls his eyes, but you don’t miss the small upturn of the corners of his lips as he hears Bokuto happily scream through the glass

[scatterpatter]

“I want to get into Kingdom Hearts, but where do I start?”

Uh oh sisters I’ve fallen into the fixation station, I wanna gush about KH so I’m gonna infodump about it! KH is confusing and there’s so much plot but it’s a really endearing series I promise

A few disclaimers if you wanna get into the series:

You can’t just play KH 1+2+3 and expect to understand everything, sadly. It’s not like Zelda where you can hop into any game at any point, you DO have to play most games if you want to understand the plot. That means that if you REALLY want to get into the KH fandom, you gotta put in a lot of hours. Of course you’re free to only play whatever you want, but if you wanna understand the plot you need to play all of them.

Even with all the games, the plot can be confusing. Nomura be like that. They ret-con a lot of plot points and give half-hearted explanations at times, you’re just gonna have to deal with that if you want to get into the series.

You WILL become emotionally attached to at least one character. Good luck making it through 358/2 Days without crying.

KH fans are usually p chill and are super eager to help make sense of the plot for you if you ask nicely. No seriously we’re THAT desperate to infodump. I once sat a friend down for 40 minutes explaining the Sora-Roxas-Xion-Namine-Kairi-Ventus-Vanitas situation. ... Also beware KH fans because of how desperate we are to infodump.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE’S A BEGINNER’S GUIDE TO PLAYING THE KH SERIES UNDER THE CUT

Okay so I’m gonna lay out all of the games in 2 lists: order they were released and order they take place in the timeline. These lists will also include remakes and platforms

Order in which games were released:

Kingdom Hearts(2002 - PS2)

Chain of Memories(2004 - GBA) | Re:Chain of Memories(2007 - PS2)

Kingdom Hearts 2(2005 - PS2)

Coded(2008 - mobile) | Re:Coded(2010 - DS)

358/2 Days(2009 - DS)

Birth By Sleep(2010 - PSP)

Dream Drop Distance(2012 - 3DS)

χ* (mobile) ... See my asterisk below for this one

0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage (Only included in 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue, The Story So Far, and All-In-One-Package[See Collections below for more details])

Kingdom Hearts 3(2019 - PS4+Xbox 1)

Melody of Memory(2020 - PS4+XBox 1+Switch)

Order in which games take place chronologically:

χ* (mobile) ... See my asterisk below for this one

Birth By Sleep(2010 - PSP)

0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage (Only included in 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue, The Story So Far, and All-In-One-Package[See Collections below for more details]) 

Kingdom Hearts(2002 - PS2)

Chain of Memories(2004 - GBA) | Re:Chain of Memories(2007 - PS2)

358/2 Days(2009 - DS)

Kingdom Hearts 2(2005 - PS2)

Coded(2008 - mobile) | Re:Coded(2010 - DS)

Dream Drop Distance(2012 - 3DS)

Kingdom Hearts 3(2019 - PS4+Xbox 1)

Melody of Memory(2020 - PS4+XBox 1+Switch) [I presume it takes place after 3, but it wasn’t released yet so I’m not 100% sure]

Note: Chain of Memories and 358/2 Days kinda take place at the same time, but 358/2 Days goes past where Chain of Memories ends to I put CoM first

*What’s going on with χ :

Kingdom Hearts χ is... complicated. Long story short, it’s χ, Unchained χ, Union χ, and Dark Road all in one? Kind of? I’ll let Wikipedia explain:

So... yeah. They’re kind of all in one. To be honest, KHUX is not necessary for understanding the KH plot, but is still fun for people who enjoy mobile games and want a bit more lore- esp for fans who like self inserts. The plot of KHUX is the player’s self-insert character dealing with everything leading up to and going through the Keyblade War, whereas Dark Road covers Xehanort’s origin story. Back Cover(a movie, not a game) is in the same bundles as 0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage, and covers the plot of the Union Leaders and Master of Masters leading up to the Keyblade War.

Don’t worry about it if you just want the plot, just watch the Back Cover movie and you’ll be fine <3

Collections:

Do you want to not have to buy like 10 games and like 5 different devices just to play the KH series? Have I got you covered! The following collections were released, each one containing more games than the last. Go with All-In-One if you want everything up to and including 3 

NOTE: some games are included as “Movies”. Rather than having a playable remake of the game, they play CG cutscenes of the game that explain the plot. Good if you just want the plot, but you’ll have to get the original game if you want the gameplay.

Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 Remix (2013 - PS3): Kingdom Hearts, Re:Chain of Memories, 358/2 Days[MOVIE]

Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix (2014 - PS3): Kingdom Hearts 2, Birth by Sleep, Re:Coded[MOVIE]

Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue (2017 - PS4, 2020 - Xbox One): Dream Drop Distance, 0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage, χ Back Cover[MOVIE]

Repackaged collections AKA more bang for your buck: 

Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 + 2.5 Remix (2017 - PS4, 2020 - Xbox One): Everything in both 1.5 Remix and 2.5 Remix listed above

Kingdom Hearts: The Story So Far (2018 - PS4): Everything in 1.5 + 2.5 Remix AND all games listed in 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue

Kingdom Hearts: All-In-One-Package (2019 - PS4) Everything in The Story So Far AND KH3. Your entire KH plot before Melody of Memory is covered in this one

Videos:

“I can’t afford to get all of these things,” you cry in agony, “But I still want to understand the plot without just watching a summary video!” I feel you, I feel you. Well thank the youtuber gaming community, because every game has at least one compilation of every cutscene spliced together. The downside is you dont get to play the games, and you’ll miss some small things such as normal NPC dialogue that isn’t triggered by cutscenes alongside setting-centric context, but these are still your best friend if you want the full emotional weight and comprehension of the story. ... It’s also much faster to get through than watching or playing the entirety of the game. Length of each video is noted.

Kingdom Hearts (~4.5 hrs)

Chain of Memories (~3 hrs)

Kingdom Hearts 2 (~13 hrs)

Re:Coded[MOVIE] (~3 hrs)

358/2 Days[MOVIE] (~3 hrs)

Birth By Sleep (~6.5 hrs)

Dream Drop Distance (~5 hrs)

χ Back Cover[MOVIE] (~1 hr)

0.2: Birth by Sleep – A Fragmentary Passage (~1hr)

Kingdom Hearts 3 (~10 hrs) | Re:Mind DLC (~3 hrs)

(protip: when i was binging these i watched them on 1.5X speed to get through them much faster. They talk slow enough that you can usually absorb it fine. Srsly I binged everything up to KH3 and watched most of these on 1.5X speed- I did the math it took me ~29.5 hours to get through ~40.5 hours worth of content.)

In Conclusion:

pls play kingdom hearts i need more people to cry with thank u for ur time

[coffeebeannate]

Possibly Nonsensical ToG Representation: Personal Perspective

Nate nobody wants to read six thousand paragraphs of your inane ramblings okay?

Well maybe that IS the case, maybe SO but maybe I’m going to ramble anyway. And maybe I’ll never ever undraft this post because well who knows.

I ended up not drafting it, I just posted. Because why not. Pls don’t regret this, future me.

BUT.

I will say that, one thing that The Old Guard did that really stuck out to me, and has only continued to do so since reading others posts about it was, ironically, send my dysphoria sky-fucking-high.

(Not in a wholly bad way, that is!)

(For the record, I’m 29, and an AFAB pre-T trans guy, pre-T in like pre ANYTHING, I’m barely out publicly to anyone that isn’t a personal or really close friend, or like, my therapist, anywho)

In most cases, my dysphoria is on a very low simmer, there, but something I try to ignore because of circumstances, etc. It’s always a bother, sure, but well, I live, I guess.

So, I’m a Marvel fan, and in most cases..people I see on TV have been, well, lets be real-Chris Evans. Standard Hollywood types. I do have other examples of less ‘classically’ attractive actors on my list of things I like to watch, and absorb, and I’m a basic person who has basic ass thoughts sometimes. Those people are hot, those people appeal to the most innate feelings of people who feel things from attractive looking people.

But in my head, it’s ALWAYS been through the lens of ‘This is nice to look at. Utterly unrealistic, but nice.”

(I actually only recently learned about using dehydration to get those looks, and it further cements Hollywood shadiness, but anyway)

So for me, AMAB and men on TV have never really done much to my dysphoria. It’s not a look I’d ever have..so it never set off those bells in my head. I dislike having an AFAB body, sure, but it’s not like looking at the equivalent of a modified human art project on TV really did anything to it.

And then..the Old Guard

Fuck this is long, more under the cut.

So I want to point out that I LIKE action movies. I like things that blow up and gun fights on TV. I get a kick out of the dramatics and I’ve been in the Bond fandom since Craig Bond became a thing. I have some familiarity with the genre in general, on a low scale. And again, the Marvel fandom ofc. I also like comic books, and have for years. 

None of these things are new to me.

But what is new, I think, is seeing it done differently.

I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in reviews of the Old Guard. On sites like IMDB.com. YouTube, etc, it’s..not getting the best reviews. And I know now why that is-it wasn’t MADE for the audience action movies are usually made for. And if you compare the comic for the Old Guard to the movie, it’s VERY obvious where Gina Prince-Bythewood made changes with Greg Rucka (And possibly Leandro Fernandez) to give it a better appeal over all. (Especially with giving the characters more layers, even in two hours, and making the story have more of a family and emotional value, which is a great choice and I wholly applaud her and her team. The team feels so much more lived-in in the film than in the comics, though I’ve not read through Vol 2 yet)

Compared to Tumblr, where people are raving about the movie *myself included*, and people who NEVER see themselves in a movie, let alone in a movie done WELL are flipping over themselves over it. And I am in that group entirely.

It has been an absolute delight to see people raving about this. Maybe it’s not perfect, but it’s so incredibly important to people who don’t ever get any GOOD representation that isn’t terribly forced, overdone, stereotyped, etc.

Is Old Guard perfect? No, is it really nice to see yourself in a movie outside of your ‘assigned genre’ (alternative films, etc)

Have I watched it six goddamned times since it came out? Yes, I have. I’m down this rabbit hole, I am living here.

Which brings me back to the original point I was making before this spawned into something entirely different. 

“How did that make you dysphoric, then, Nate?”

Because, to be perfectly blunt, I want to link this post here, by @lindstrom2020 which hammered home why, and that point is that, there is virtually 0 sexualization of the characters. There is nothing gratuitous about bodies on screen here, nothing. And we never.ever.see.that.

And no, I’m not going to pretend like I don’t eyeball people on screen. I’m not devoid of sexuality, I am entirely pansexual. But that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I think that, well..seeing bodies that are still entirely masculine, and yet not..what’s the word I want..’done up’? Made all the difference in the world. For the first time, I saw, on TV, an average body, presented in a way that makes it look good, strong and almost achievable. Almost completely NORMAL in that way.

And no, none of the actors in the movie are unattractive. Not even a little bit. They’re still really goddamned pretty. But it was JARRING to see them as pretty but fairly average appearing.

And my brain..synapsed.

As a trans dude, I’m going to straight up say it’s VERY hard to envision what your post-transition body might appear as. It will never be entirely cis-looking (if you will) the way a body that’s biologically created will be, if you will. So you’re stuck working with so much imagination, so much of it relies on looking at post-transition bodies, those done after surgery and YEARS of hormones and even then not knowing.

And for me, well I’m tall, bulky and overweight. I’m also curved, and have a massive back, broad shoulders and long tree trunk like legs. (None of this is said to be a put down on my end, btw, I’m not fishing for compliments, this is the best way I can describe it)

(None of the characters are overweight, so obviously there’s still something there too that’s left to my own imagination, but I digress)

But! There is still something REALLY fucking validating about seeing men on screen who are still attractive without dehydrated abs and veined out skin because the flesh is crying out for sustenance.

I dunno..for me, it was just..strange to see. And there’s also something really really fucking NICE about queer people in the action genre that haven’t been shoved to the back of the movie, appear for five seconds and leave so the movie can scratch of ‘representation’ on it’s proverbial audience appealing points card.

And I’m sure if I watched more movies on my watch list, and stuff that’s been recommended to me I will find more! I know they’re out there, but for the Old Guard, it’s a genre I’d actually watch, something that APPEALED to me and was easy to get into because with my ADHD-Autism, it’s hard to get invested at times. So 2 hours was a good starting point.

Especially if I had to take breaks *but I didn’t need to, it was engaging enough for my wandering head*.

Wow this is messy, I stg I meant for this to be cleaner, but, anyway.

The overall thing is that the Old Guard makes me feel things I really do not usually feel watching movies. Sure it’s still a fantasy, sure it’s still got flaws, but wow if it isn’t just..really goddamned nice to connect to something outside of the box.

It’s not perfect, nothing is.

But Old Guard has done various forms of representation RIGHT, it has done extremely valid and important things. And since I’m old enough to remember the NONSENSE when Brokeback Mountain came out and it was called ‘career ending’ for it’s actors..to see this is just..

It’s nice.

And I KNOW that this movie and series is always going to hold a special place in my heart as a result.

A lot of others have made excellent representation posts, and I wasn’t going to publish my jumbled up nonsense thoughts, but feck it.

It’s not coherent really-my thoughts never are, and it’s long and rambling, but hell, so is my brain.

[1-800-get-sherlocked]

For the ask game: Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

henlo piaya! 

hmm okay idt i ever hated any pairing a lot unless it was well very inappropriate...like inc*st or smth; i was usually like ok yall can vibe and do ur own thing haha

but i did have a ship i did not have a positive impression of before i got into it: 

ok warning i ramble a lot and i SUCK at using periods so its just one long run on sentence i apologize in advance xD (and i use “like” way too much): 

(the second and third paragraphs can be skipped ish if needed haha)

before i watched sherlock i initially thought to myself that i like, probably wouldnt end up shipping johnlock  (lies...i always end up shipping), and like i knew there was kind of drama about it a long time ago but i wasnt in fandom then so i didnt know and i was scared i’d be like, judged for being a johnlock shipper or whatever so when i went into it i did not have a good view of the ship (i didnt hate it, i just doubted it) (i initially had to watch eps 1 and 2 for brit lit class in school so well that kind of ruined the effect but i ended up rewatching both and then watching everything else)  

but then i was like ok sike nvm its like definitely gay (<- pls imagine this in john watson’s voice for maximum effect) and i was like goddamn the chemistry DAMNNNN (i would do an analogy of two elements that r really good together but frankly ive forgotten most of my chem knowledge and all i can remember is hcl and nacl and neither of those sound like a good analogy) and like just the moments john and sherlock have and like idk the tension between them and especially just the way they just complement each other so WELL?? how?? martin freeman and benedict cumberbatch r really good actors ahdafsl and like how they’d do anything to save the other and the LONGING and just bjaldsuujksdf and they just ugh just THEYRE SO GOOD TOGETHER and i just had that moment of realization at some point maybe after i finished s1 - that pool scene, and i was like....OH. and then i was like WHAT DO U MEAN JOHN GETS MARRIED and THEN SHERLOCK LEFT THE GODDAMN  WEDDING EARLY and OMLL ok also the ajsdfll whats it called i forget but the uhhh the trolley scene?? ive rewatched that scene an unhealthy number of times also so much stuff in the abominable bride and o also irene adler that was really interesting as well (<- both of these i understood a lot better after absorbing fandom content) and i was like wow...johnlock is real but so is the queerbaiting...big sad...

(listen after i finished binging s4 (which i finished at like 4 am one day) i was like WHAT WHAT WHAT i was utterly confused (i had to read some fluff before i could go to sleep that day lmao)) and i was still hesitant to ship even after all that cause i thought the fandom was dead (im what like idk 3, 5, 6 years late?? idk) so i told myself like dont get ur hopes up right,

ok and then i was like...WAIT THERES SHERLOCK BLOGS ALIVE!! A LOT OF THEM!!!! and i was like wait no way and there were so many johnlock shippers!! and i was like no way yooo and then i followed people and then boom i felt like i could finally just ship johnlock like freely and there was like so much content and i was like whoa!!! im- wow this is so cool! like the tipping point for me like the green light for me to ship it and i was like omg no way i can ship it :D and after like consuming a lot of fandom content i understood a lot better, the evidence for johnlock, (it was kind of like a muddled puddle in my brain when i finished binging and i knew i shipped it but i just like idk i needed to clear up stuff in my brain) and wow the meta is so good in this fandom like DAMN yall big brains bro...+ gifs and fanart and fics and all the content and like idk the vibes r very cool (tho a bit intimidating haha) and then fandom then inspired me to make gifs so thats actually what got me started to try and learn how to make gifs haha and also to create this sherlock blog! it was awesome like getting to see people who shipped it like me like on my dash...cause i didnt really know many people who well were as crazy about it as i was (def no one i knew irl rip) 

so um yeah thats how i kind of got into johnlock! a lot of it was thanks to fandom, like me seeing that johnlock blogs were indeed alive, contrary to what i thought before, and the content that helped me understand stuff a lot better, and i was just like overly hyped that the fandom was still alive haha

thanks for reading through all that 😅im sorry if it doesnt make sense i am writing this at an ungodly hour and i always have a habit of rambling so lmk if anything needs explaining (i...will explain properly lmao not keyboard smashing and whatnot)

thank u for the ask!! 

[seachanqe]

I just found out Hannibal is on Netflix & I wanna watch it, but I’ve been spoiled by podcasts so I gotta know: is it ACTUALLY queer, or is it in the same vein as so many other mid-2010s shows? (And if it isn’t queer baiting pls tell me it’s not crazy sexualized like killing eve 😬)

OH BOY. Forewarning, I cannot speak to Killing Eve as I have not watched it.

So this is going to have a semi-complicated answer (or really overly long, as Hannibal is my other most favorite thing ever, and my fandom before I jumped into TMA, and I could blather on about this show forever).

Hannibal and Will’s relationship is not explicitly spelled out for the audience; for example, Hannibal and Will do not kiss, etc. HOWEVER, I would never ever in a million years call it queerbaiting either. Instead, it is heavily (and not subtly) queercoded, and it is only due to circumstances outside the show’s creator’s control that Hannibal and Will’s relationship was never was made “explicit” (i.e., NBC network).

The show’s creator, Bryan Fuller, is a gay man, and has been quoted multiple times as in favor of their relationship. There is a literal line in the show where Will asks another character, “Is Hannibal in love with me?” and the answer is yes. The show, through subtext and outright text, builds up Hannibal and Will’s relationship to one of mutual understanding, and each being the only one who truly knows the other. And although they do not kiss or “officially” become a couple, their relationship is solidly beyond friends or acquaintances. And queer relationships can come in all forms, not just romantic.

Also, there is a wlw relationship in the show with two main/side characters, in the third season.

Lastly, in the words of Bryan Fuller (the creator) himself, from an interview he did shortly after the end of season 3:

At what point did you decide to take Will and Hannibal's romance from subtext into text? Was that always the plan from season one?

No, it naturally evolved because I guess I was absorbing so much of Mads and Hugh's performance, which felt like it was growing in intimacy, and it would have been inauthentic not to address it. Because all of these characters, and particularly Bedelia, was able to call out what she had witnessed [between Hannibal and Will], it seemed like a natural conclusion.

I remember when I turned in the rewrite pages where Will asks Bedelia if Hannibal is in love with him, I got a note from Don Mancini, one of our writers who was always pushing for more homosexual text – not just context or subtext but text, text, text – and he was like, "I'm so glad you put that in there! They said it! They said it!"

I was a little surprised by how excited he was because it just felt organic to me, so I guess I had been fooling myself about how obvious that element of the story was. Maybe I had been reacting to the feedback in the Twitterverse, where there was a lot of Hannigram wish fulfilment. I hoped that it wouldn't be interpreted as pandering to the hardcore Hannigram fanbase, and that it was felt to be an authentic, logical extension of everything we'd been doing thus far

Anyway, I highly, highly recommend Hannibal. (Also, I’m not exactly sure what you mean by too sexualized to be honest, sorry! However, I wouldn’t call Hannibal that though, if you held a gun to my head.)

[palmviolet]

Do you minds telling us for how many years you’ve been writing and maybe recommend some books? Thanks!

i LOVE this question omg (answer under the cut because it got very long)

so i’ve been writing for pretty much as long as i can remember. i was always inventing stupid little stories lol and sometimes they were original and sometimes they were basically fanfiction, before i knew what fanfic was. i distinctly remember writing some weird 101 dalmations fanfic in red felt tip when i was about six. i started writing original stuff that was actually decent about eight years ago, and around that time i was posting some truly terrible fanfic on fanfiction.net (i think it was mainly johnlock and downton abbey? yeah, i know.) then i stopped posting it and focused on my own original writing for a few years, got the germ of a novel of which i wrote about 50k words before stopping and deciding it was rubbish, actually, so there were a few years in which i barely wrote - though i was still writing fic but not posting it. (you do NOT wanna see what my google docs looks like. so many unfinished fics from fandoms i don’t care about anymore. SO. MANY.) 

then towards the end of 2018 i rewatched stranger things and it just kind of clicked for me. the first time i watched it my favourite character was steve but i couldn’t connect to it in the same way?? like i didn’t have any ideas for fic or anything, i just kind of watched it and moved on. the second time was very different lol. i rewatched it and i immediately focused on joyce and hopper, and then i wrote a fool to hold you just as a way of kind of exploring my ideas about these two. it was my first fic on ao3!! and it just kind of spiralled from there lol

every so often i get ideas for original fiction but they never really stick. i would definitely like to get back into writing it but not right now. i’m currently doing a degree in literature which takes a LOT of my creative energy, and what’s left i expend on writing fanfic just because it is easier, and there’s kind of instant gratification with comments and things, which i wouldn’t get with original fiction. but i will definitely go back to it - i miss it a lot, and writing so much fanfic has definitely taught me a lot which i can use. 

as for your second question- i LOVE recommending books. seriously, if you have a question about so-called ‘highbrow’ literature then come to me pls!! i have to use my degree for something!! it really depends what you’re after so i’m just gonna drop some of my recent favourites.

so the book i read most recently that stuck with me the most was infinite jest by david foster wallace. it’s a behemoth of a novel, over 500k words, but every single one of them is worth it. you read the first chapter and you’re like.... what? i don’t get it. curiosity forces you to continue, albeit begrudgingly, and then suddenly you’re on page 200 because it just.... clicks. you stop caring about how long and meandering the sentences are, how many diversions and digressions there are, how the timeline doesn’t make sense, how it wants you to flip to the appendices every other page. it’s just- it’s so immersive. i love it. it’s not the most progressive of books, i’ll grant you - it wins no awards for representation and there’s some less than flattering ideas about women in it - but tbh i’m not the kind of person who cares only about that. it was one of the first books in a long time that i didn’t want to get to the end of, because i was enjoying it so much. 

since i am basically jonathan byers in both music and literary taste, i would be remiss not to recommend some vonnegut. cat’s cradle is so surreal and compact and perfect (much shorter than infinite jest, if you find that intimidating). i also read his collection of short stories welcome to the monkey house, which is so witty and funny and easy to dip in and out of. there’s also his autobiographical collection of essays palm sunday, which is amazing. it says so much about literature and american life (and i actually reference it in my upcoming st fic ;) ).

if you’re looking for something older, arthur machen’s horror stories are great. they’re the precursor to pretty much all horror since the end of the victorian period - when you say something is lovecraftian, you should really be saying it’s machen-ian. (it’s just as well, because to my knowledge machen was nowhere near as awful as lovecraft was.) they’re all pretty short but they’re full of intrigue and creepy stuff. if this is something you’re interested in then it’s worth reading the turn of the screw by henry james, which is a classic victorian horror story. i recently wrote an essay comparing the two and the yellow wall-paper by charlotte perkins gilman, which is a very short but mind-bending feminist story.

i’m also a big fan of vladimir nabokov. lolita is of course a classic, with disconcertingly gorgeous prose. i also like invitation to a beheading, which is extremely weird but really gets you to engage with the act of reading itself. 

if you want humour (though there is humour in all of these books, save the horror stories), go for catch 22 by joseph heller. it’s so funny and so bitter and dark at the same time. lesser known is his novel something happened, in which basically nothing happens, which is the point. it’s also quite funny but very very bleak, and somewhat claustrophobic - so in the current quarantine climate perhaps not the best read, unless you’re a masochist lol. 

as you can probably tell from this list i am a massive fan of post-modernism. i absorb some element of everything i read, so you may well recognise influences of these books in my writing - or maybe not. who knows. lots of these novels can be found for free on archive.org, as they’re quite old now. 

anyway, that was very long. but thanks for the ask !! x

[phases-of-the-fallen]

Explanation

fandom: alternate timeline of Dreamswap by kai

characters: Waning Crescent, Comet

warnings: cursing, mention of murder and death, 

word count: 2,112

Summary: Waning Crescent and Comet talk about what’s upset WC so much.

“So, are you going to tell me what in the fuck happened on your last mission that freaked you out so badly?” Comet asked after he sat down in his boyfriend’s lap, nuzzling into the other’s chest a little bit. “It’s going to bother me until you spill, and you know it helps to tell someone else about whatever is going on, so that we can figure out how to deal with it.”

Waning Crescent swallowed hard for a moment, fidgeting with his hands for a couple of moments, rolling the pen that he’d been using to sign paperwork for a couple of moments before saying “I had gotten a report that Full, Half and New Moon was in Underswap 7651. I went to check out the report alone, as that particular timeline has been under the protection of JR for decades, and New Moon at least should have remembered that, as I’ve captured him there twice. Although the tacos there are some of the best in the multiverse, so perhaps… That’s why they were there.”

“Uh-huh. Having a run-in with those three - even if they did manage to escape you - shouldn’t have scared you that much though. You’re still all wound up by what happened…” Comet pointed out, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist, wishing he could pet the other’s wings, but the other’s wings were currently intangible so that he could sit on the chair without needing to be on the edge of the seat.

“.... How much do you know about Full Moon? Like his past, before you two met?” Waning Crescent responded - he wasn’t deflecting. He was going to explain - he just wanted to know if Comet had known that Angel had been bonded with a determined spirit and hadn’t told him.

“That his timeline was that endless void that you found the both of us in. He was grieving about something, but he never told me what. Apart from that, I know nothing more about his past then you do… Why? Did he do something weird again?” Comet responded, frowning a little and waiting for Crescent to get to his point.

“Ah… I… I accidentally killed Full Moon. He jumped in front of my claymore as I intended to pin down New Moon and I couldn’t get my blade away in time, and… My blade pierced his soul and he died.” Waning Crescent explained. His voice failing him for a couple of moments “And then a determined spirit - one who Full Moon had apparently had absorbed their soul, appeared and offered their soul to New Moon, who… Who took it. A strange, purple button appeared in front of New Moon and he… He resurrected Full Moon in front of me. Full moon had just finished dusting, and he… He’d come back. New Moon started to laugh and I… I fled the battlefield.”

Comet was still for a very long time, or so it felt to Waning Crescent, before he cleared his nonexistent throat, saying quietly, his voice a little shaky “Okay… So New Moon can resurrect people and has a Determined Human’s soul backing his power now. That… That could be bad, but we’ve dealt with monsters who have absorbed multiple human souls, and -”

“New Moon is not a monster. Neither am I. We have the physical appearance of skeleton monsters, but that’s as far as the similarities go. You’ve seen the shape and color of my soul, Comet. One of the constants in this multiverse is the shape and color - or lack thereof - for monster and human souls. New Moon and I… We were created by the previous guardian of emotions, as she… They? Were dying. She summoned the both of us. We are the… We are positive and negative emotions - and the magical power behind them, given form and substance. I… I may be able to show you my true form, if you promise not to freak out on me.” Waning Crescent explains quietly, fidgeting more intensely with the pen in his hands. It was almost impossible to not look at Comet directly, given that the other was still in his lap, but he was just barely managing it.

"Uhh... Okay? Promise me that like... Your body won't... I don't know... Disintegrate or vanish when you do? Or that you can switch back?" Comet responded after a moment's hesitation, trying to process what his beloved was saying. Waning Crescent had said that he was the guardian of positivity, but he hadn't really known what the other meant. None of them did - though they all felt the uplifting effects of his aura. 

"No, my body won't disintegrate - but as my true form contains the essence of my soul as well as all of my magic, my physical body will go limp and even grow cold and void of my magic, if I leave it for too long. Though that shouldn't be necessary. You may want to get off of my lap, as my physical form will be unable to hold you close during that time." Waning Crescent explained quietly.

“I… Okay then. Thank you for the warning.” Comet responded, part of him wondering if he should maybe convince the other not to do this. This felt… A little bit strange and like the other was making an impulsive and probably bad decision, and he was processing everything else that Waning Crescent had told him.  Comet got up, taking a couple of steps back. “So… You can… You can show me your true form, if you want to.”

Waning Crescent nodded, letting his eye lights fuzz out as he gathered all of his magic into the core of his body, first his soul taking shape, before he pushed himself further from the body. It had been quite some time since he’d done this last, and it was a bit of a struggle at first - but eventually, he was in his original form - a yellow-colored ball of condensed positivity magic and awareness. He floats over to Comet, gently coming to rest on one of the other’s shoulders, letting out a soft trill. He pulses a bit of magic through Comet before returning to his skeletal form “So as you can see… It’s not that a powerful monster is in possession of a determination soul… But…”

“A… A Guardian has absorbed a human soul. And I’m guessing that neither of you have ever done that before - and if the previous guardian did, she or they didn’t ever write down whatever the fuck happened, and if it’s possible to undo it without causing damage, since the two of you still have that weird destiny bond thing that makes it impossible to kill New Moon without it also killing you.” Comet finished, frowning a little bit. 

He had known that there was something odd about boss - but he hadn’t realized just how unique Waning Crescent was - were there other Guardians in the multiverse, perhaps hidden in obscure timelines? Protecting… Who knew what? “But… You mentioned New Moon being in possession of a Button - considering the fact that when he used it, that world didn’t Reset, he doesn’t have the ability to Reset a timeline - thank the fucking stars, as that could cause a shit load of trouble. He used it to heal Full Moon - which will be annoying to try to capture them, since with a press of a button, they’ll be back to full health again…”

“I… You’re right, of course. I probably just overreacted. They have a powerful healing ability that could potentially be a great hindrance, depending on if New Moon can resurrect dead criminals and decides to try to do so in order to create chaos… It’s unlikely, though. He mostly just flees and hides with his companions.” Waning Crescent mused “And no, there are no records of a Guardian absorbing a human soul, not to my knowledge. The previous guardian of the… Of the emotive balance was contemptuous and very wary of mortals - chasing away any who attempted to live near them. They were periodically attacked for the power they held, and was eventually struck down in a battle - though they were able to kill their attacker, before they created us.”

“Huh.” Comet remarked - he’s pretty sure that Waning Crescent is leaving out a few key details, but he’s not going to push for more than the other is willing to share. He already knows far more about the true past of the both of them than… Probably anyone else in existence, with the possible exceptions of Full and Half moon, depending on how much, if anything, New Moon had told them of his past. “So, what’s the plan with the three assholes?”

“I’ll update the orders for the undercover operatives. To watch out for any on The List, but for them to not approach New, Full, or Half moon under any circumstances, and if they are in a timeline for more than a couple of hours, to report directly to me, so that I… I can observe them directly.” Waning Crescent decided, nodding a little to himself firmly, before he asked “Does that sound reasonable to you? We can hope that his new powers only extend to that resurrection ability, but until we know for certain…”

“It’s best to limit the potential damage that New Moon could do, if at all possible. It’s going to take time to spread those new orders throughout our network, but I’ll be sure to send it to the regional heads myself.” Comet responded, turning partially, intending to leave.

“Absolutely not - for one thing, I need to make sure to write down and encode those orders… And another thing is, don’t think I haven’t forgotten that your appointment with Healer Ara regarding your pregnancy isn’t today in less than an hour and a half.”

“Oh come oooon! We’ve known that I’ve been pregnant for what? Two weeks now, at most? I’ll be fine.” Comet huffed, pouting a little that he’d been caught out so easily. He was excited to be carrying a soulling… But all of the information about what he could and what he wasn’t going to be able to do as the pregnancy continued was more than a little daunting “Hey… So uh… Since you’re not… Not a monster or a human, do you think that will affect the development of our soulling?”

“I… I don’t know. It’s one of the things that we will need to discuss with Dr. Ara and their Obstetrics team.” Waning Crescent answered honestly. He was worried about how the soulling would continue to grow - and he knew that Comet was as well.

“Yeah… Still not sure how I’m pregnant in the first place… ‘s not as if I have a soul…” Comet muttered, feeling more than a little self-conscious. He’d kind of assumed that he’d be unable to have kids that way, because of his condition. 

“But the deep scans showed that you did have one at one point… And again, that’s some of the things that will be gone over in that appointment today. Do you remember that Dr. Ara took a sample of your magic to have it tested?” Waning Crescent prodded gently. 

“I… Yeah, you’re right. I’m just… I’m so nervous about all of this - th-though I am excited as well. We… We’re going to have an ankle biter all our own. Look out multiverse, because our kid is going to be one hell of a force of nature. That much I can feel.” Comet answered back, rallying himself after a moment, his eye lights a pair of stars - one yellow, the other blue and purple, a grin appearing on his face.

“Of that, I have no doubt.” Waning Crescent responded with a fond smile appearing on his face, hugging his beloved boyfriend in close, a soft purr rumbling in his chest. “Now… Help me word the updated orders correctly?”

“Eh… You know that sort of thing is not my strong suit. Point me at an AU and tell me who to stab? I’m good. Tell me who to threaten and scare? I’m good. But the whole… Leading a secret service and army with a silver tongue? That’s all you, boss.” Comet grumbled, though he did follow the other back to the desk, claiming Waning Crescent’s lap as soon as the other sat down. It was nice to be close to the other like this, and he hoped that the obstetrics appointment would answer a lot of the questions that both of them had. This new healing ability of New Moon’s could be a pain in the ass… But shouldn’t prove to be too much of a danger...  Right?

[okietokiee]

The Song of Achilles/Metalocalypse AU

ahh !! I commissioned a friend of mine (who is an incredible artist and specializes in custom/DnD art!! If you’re interested in her work her etsy is MadisonNicoleArt) and she helped me finally create an AU I’ve been obsessed with for a while!

Ok this is going to be pretty long, so bear with me !!

If you’re not familiar with The Song of Achilles it’s basically a retelling of The Iliad by Homer, but from the perspective of Patroclus, the right-hand man of Achilles. It’s a beautiful, magical tale and if you’re familiar with The Iliad the ending is (spoiler)  gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. You spend the whole story knowing what’s coming, and you almost get lost in the enchanting beauty of Achilles’ and Patroclus’ relationship with each other. 

Now when I first got into the Mtl fandom I was surprised there weren’t any Iliad AUs (BUT CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG AND SEND THAT SHIT MY WAY), because Achilles was a beautiful, golden demi-God (sKWIsGAar in a nutshell LOL) and Patroclus his stong, toned, gorgeous (im extrapolating here but...) right-hand-man/partner/lover/soulmate/other half who, though never prophesied by the Gods for greatness, had his own strengths and made his own name for himself following his heart (Achilles ;))

Here are just some ideas I’ve had about this:

Skwisgaar

- Serveta being a promiscuous Queen who has a one night-stand with a lower level God that left immediately. The God’s seed was so strong that after birthing Skwisgaar his mother became incapable of having any more children and she resents him for this. 

- However, Skwisgaar was prophesied by the Gods to become the greatest/quickest warrier of his time with potential to become one of the Gods. His step-father (gentle Tyr) married Serveta and he loves her dearly, though she constantly cheats on him and neglects her only son. 

- Tyr does his best to make it up to Skwisgaar, but obvious damage has been done.

- Skwisgaar’s real father is never revealed and it’s quite popular in town to make theories about which gorgeous God Skwisgaar is the bastard of. (Adonis is a popular choice)

Toki

- Toki being the only son of the cruel King Aslaug, a malevolent leader of a deteriorating village. Toki is a small/weak boy for his age and is constantly beaten, belittled, and humiliated by his father, and therefore has no respect from the village people despite being the rightful heir. 

- He ends up accidentally killing a young bully his age (son of a noble man) in blind rage because he has certain freak episodes (episodes that likely led to his parents fearing/hating him??). (This is almost exactly what happened to Patroclus in TSOA) 

- He’ s exiled from his home, loses his family name, and is sent to be a ward of King Tyr and lives with various other abandoned orphans/exiled princes in Skwisgaar’s father’s rich, plentiful kingdom. 

NOW the fantastic slow-burn begins. Because Toki can’t seem to fit in with the other boys and there are constant rumors about how he beat a kid to death for such petty reasons and the rest of the kids are scared of him and keep their distance. 

aLL BUT SKWISGAAR! (and fuck i keep almost writing Achilles)

Who finds the new foreign boy utterly fascinating and is inexplicably drawn to him. 

Skwisgaar is obviously popular with the fellow boys for he is a tall, strong child destined for greatness, and he basks in this fact. 

Now I see Skwisgaar skipping training/class to wander off and play with a golden lyre in some hidden spot in the nearby woods.

The same spot Toki escapes to to avoid the blatant stares and loneliness. He’s shocked for a moment to see the golden prince lounging serenely on his favorite spot surrounded by flowers. But he’s stopped in his tracks after hearing Skwisgaar’s masterful Lyre playing and is absorbed in the music. He remember how, during his cold lonely years back home, an old wooden lyre was his favorite escape. 

Skwisgaar spots him and is not surprised to see how this young boy is amazed by his playing because everyone is. He’s a Lyre God. But he is surprised when the young boy timidly asks, 

“Cans I tries it?”

No one has ever had the audacity to interrupt him mid-play or the confidence to play anything that could match him. However, he’s amused and has been watching this new kid for a while, so he beckons him over and lets him play a song. 

NOW THIS IS THE MOMENT! The moment Skwisgaar is sHOOK by how Toki’s fingers glide across the instrument and the gorgeous sounds he makes. It’s not exactly like Skwisgaar’s, but it’s something entirely his own. Something gut-wrenching and heartbreaking. And Skwisgaar feels something he has never felt before for any music other than his own. 

And they end up sneaking off often and spending their free time like this, playing Lyre together and barely speaking. Eventually Skwisgaar tells his step-father he has chosen Toki to be his partner/right-hand-man (bc they did that in Greece, forgot what it was called??) and Toki is shocked and happy and can’t believe for once in his life he can be near the first person that’s ever made him so happy in his life. 

Then obviously the growing up together thing !!!

- Toki becomes stronger and truly grows into himself. He’ll never have Skwisgaar’s natural swiftness of foot or affinity for combat, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t try. 

- Skwisgaar is originally jealous of/shocked/impressed/aroused by how muscular/toned Toki grows up to become, but he constantly lords his impressive height over Toki

There’s so much more I feel is too much to add!!! 

But the other mtl ppl too:

- NATHAN AS ODYSSEUS!! PLS AND THANK

- Murderface or Pickles would actually be a really cool Chiron (a satyr who has trained many Greek heroes)

- Abigail as Briseis !!! (wont talk too much about her role bc TSOA spoilers)

- I’m not sure yet who Charles would be but he definitely has a place in this AU!!!

- mAgNuS iS hECToR !!!ii!!Ii!!

And the boys have so many obstacles in the way of their relationship, society/expectations/responsibilities/themselves. And it’s hard and painful but so worth it as long as they have each other. 

And stuff happens and the Trojan war breaks out...

I have so many thoughts for what happens to them, but ugh it’s too much to put in words almost. Just, I can’t help but think of these quotes from the book?!?! They scream Skwistok to me

“I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.” ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

“He smiled, and his face was like the sun.” ― Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

and another quote that i can’t put up bc if i do ever get around to writing this i want it to be a heartbreaking shock bc just thinking about it makes me tear up LOL

Even re-imagining versions of these quotes in their broken english makes my heart hurt !!! 

Just asadasfsd

end rant, I hope to add more to this AU in the future

ANd pls if any of you writers are inspired by these ramblings at ALL pls feel free to write something with this AU. Because i crave Ancient Greek Skwistok fics so much

[katalicz]

Oh god oh man idk how mighty I am but I thank you for your faith in me lmao

A warning before I get into it - I’m one of those really boring people that REALLY loves lore and gets way too into it, and the lack of lore we have for siege is part of the reason I write for it: because it’s lots of fun exploring the characters with the little info we’ve got. 

So anyway. Bandit.

I honestly don’t agree with how some of the fandom tends to characterise him, on the whole – I just don’t see that he’s cold and cruel and self-absorbed, causing trouble just because he can, and I think the way this is written agrees with me. Again, this is all speculation and my own opinion, you can do whatever you like with the characters because we know nothing about them!

(what I'm trying to say is pls don’t attack me if I disagree with your thoughts just block me it’ll save you in the future lol.)

So. The whole thing is written very analytically, making connections that knowing the other op’s bios, I don’t think many of the others would make. That, to me, shows that he pays a lot of attention to the happenings on base – he notices things, he’s sharp minded, he isn't ignorant of everyone else and he therefore isn't reclusive or in it for his own gain. He’s part of a team, and to me this shows that he’s completely involved as a team-member, because he wouldn’t take the care to learn about his teammates if he wasn’t.

From what he says about Kaid, it confirms in my eyes that he’s excellent at reading people and very perceptive - which he’d have to be, he was undercover for 4 years after all. I think that this is part of the reason he’s with rainbow – anyone could use the CED1, since as he said, they're crude, but a huge part of the CED is knowing the best places to put them, how to use them efficiently and effectively and with the most disruption to the enemy. This shows in the game itself, with things like Bandit-tricking a hard-breacher or knowing which walls to shock to cause the enemy the most hassle and waste the most time. A good Bandit can win a match, and a bad Bandit can lose one, and this is noticeable even in high level play like pro-league. I think a huge reason Bandit is with rainbow is because he’s extremely good at predicting how the enemy will move and making plans how to counteract it, as well as being very adaptable and quick on his feet. You could have the fanciest gadget in the world, but if you don’t know how to use it to its maximum potential, it might as well be worthless, and vice versa.

I'm also reading his comments on the CED1 and the Rtila as respectful, maybe curious – he’s not jealous that Kaid’s doing his thing ‘better’ than he is, which shows he’s not shallow and self-imposed. I'm reading it more as impressed, especially when you take into account the Cedrik comment (which is an ENTIRE new kettle of fish that I'm personally thrilled about lol) – he’s appreciative of the technology without being bitter that it upends his own. This as well as the way he mentions the ‘technologically-inclined ops’ makes me think that he’s never had any official training in electronics and the like – he knows enough to make it work and has an appreciation for technology, but he isn't as educated and skilled as, for example, Mute or Echo or IQ.

Finally. The Cedrik thing.

So. We know that Bandit’s a trickster (and I’d go into my thoughts on this but that’s yet another whole thing aaa) and that something involving the CEDs happened to Cedrik to force him into early retirement. I’ve always thought that it was an accident, that it was a prank war that escalated too far, since if it wasn’t then Bandit wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near BPOL, let alone GSG-9 and rainbow. I'm also assuming Cedrik’s still alive for the same reasons. This report, I think, proves that.

‘Cedrik and I would’ve had fun with this’ – that to me says they were close to each other, as twins tend to be, and that they were both troublemakers. If it only said ‘I’, then the meaning would change – it’d show the opposite, that they weren’t close, and that Bandit was the only trickster of the two, and the connotations of that are significantly darker knowing (vaguely) what happened to Ced. 

So since it’s both of them, that confirms to me that it was something like a prank war that got out of control, leading to an accident with serious consequences. I have a lot of thoughts on that, too, but again. That’s a whole other thing and I don’t want to get into that here. But anyway, that doesn’t sound like someone that’s intentionally cruel and out to hurt people – it sounds like someone who made a mistake and regrets it, or someone with a shitload of trauma and even shittier ways of dealing with it – which, honestly, is Bandit in a nutshell in my eyes.

So, tl;dr. I think this shows Bandit isn't the cruel, sadistic, reclusive operator he’s sometimes made out to be. He’s sharp and analytical and very perceptive, appreciative of the other ops without being jealous, and didn’t torture his brother for shits and giggles.

That was long wow sorry lol.

[farmhandler]

tumblr crushes challenge: where you post your own favorite blogs to spread positivity and get your amazing blogger-friends some more followers!

tagged by: @saltyhedgeh0g. thank u!!! ilu. i’ve never done one of these before and i don’t talk to too many ppl so my list probably won’t be long BUT ILL TRY

@just-themys - you are such a beautiful artist STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. i would absorb ur shendak art into my bloodstream if i could. thank u for ur contributions and for being such a sweet person. take all my uwu’s

@k-o-a - we don’t talk much but i admire the heck out of you. you work so hard and you’re so passionate. a very cool dude!!!!!!!!! im crushin hard wink wonk

@sleepyhunk - we’ve never spoken before but i have a serious crush on your blog. multiship and positivity? a rarity around here. you are a gem!

@stickydoona - you are a beautiful human. opm may be dead but i still admire you and the artist you’ve become!!! i remember when you were a secretary and now look at u!!! ah!!!! i know you’re mostly on twitter so who knows if you’ll see this but if u do pls accept my crush •̀.̫•́✧

@paperficwriter - like most ppl on this list we talked a bit more when opm was a thing but i still think ur rlly amazing. you always helped me when i had some fic troubles <3 you’ve been a positive in the opm fandom and now bnha! ilu!

@katiewont - bitch...feels like we’ve been friends forever. *we don’t talk anymore starts playing* you are still my #1. you’ve always been so passionate abt the things you love and honestly the amount of bitching we did was sometimes my favorite part of the day LOL. hopefully our fandoms collide next time and we can interact more!!!! 

@indigonow -  you were always so sweet to me. ahh. i think you’re in a good place now and im so proud!!! binch ilu!

@reapersun - feels like you’ve been here forever. you are a fandom rock. you don’t let ppl push you around and you keep your cool despite the ridiculous amount of followers you have and just. yeah. i like how you aren’t afraid of what you like and you make the content you want to see. you were the blog that got me to check out tumblr and im very glad for it! 

@slav-every-day - how could i forget one of my favorite blogs ever. your dedication to your craft is *chefs kiss* never stop posting that slav. if u die i might just die

ummm that’s all i can think of rn but there are so many amazing ppl out there i’m probably forgetting about. forgive me ;A;

[beaniegara]

11 Questions

tagged both by @yaboybergara​ and @ricky-goldsworth​ which is great because that gives me 22 questions mwahhahaha thank you folks!! <3 

RULES

1. always post the rules

2. answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. write 11 questions of your own

4. tag 11 people you want to get to know better (or however many you want)

now, see, I don’t know what to ask........ so I’m gonna be a little shit and tag folks to pick 11 of these 22 questions and answer them too. nini and gray pls don’t sue me for reusing your questions, thank fdgkfndgfdsk I’m tagging @kaylotta, @queerunsolved, @haunted-gays, @thatmademadej, and @i-am-ghost-proof-baby <3 if yall wanna do it, of course. no pressure.

this is incredibly long (and uncomfortably honest). let’s go lesbians let’s go

first, nini’s questions:

1. How many pets have you had in your life?

one. I’ve always wanted them but my mom and I have always lived in tiny apartments and had no way to care for a pet so it wasn’t until I was 17 that we adopted a kitten!! his name was merlin and he was the laziest, moodiest lil ball of fluff I’ve ever met. I.. had to give him away a year later because we moved to a place even smaller that wouldn’t allow pets so long story short I’m scarred for life and don’t think I can ever take any more pets without feeling guilty to my bone 

this is merlin btw I love him with all my heart and he now lives in a farm. as far as I know anyway.. :(

2. Do you believe in destiny? Why?

mmm interesting question. weird, metaphysical theories aside, I don’t believe anything is set in stone per se, but I do believe that some things are just... meant to be? in a way? for example, you can’t tell me ryan and shane weren’t meant to be friends and find each other in such an unlikely place as they did. one of my mottos, completely stripped from context because it’s from a rather pretentious tv show, is “the universe is rarely so lazy”. meaning that good things happen for a reason, and that you trailed that path for that to happen. yknow what I’m saying? I can’t really explain this without writing a 10 page essay because that’s just how my gemini ass thinks 

3. If you could chose one person on the great beyond, would you take the chance to talk to them? 

you mean someone who has passed away? oh yeah, I would talk to my grandmother. she was raising me and died when she was 4 and that changed not only my entirely life but our whole extended family dynamic... so many questions.

4. From all your hobbies, which one would you love to make a living of?

oh man, writing. I’ve been dreaming of being a writer ever since I was 9 or something. never panned out but that would certainly be the dream. if I could work with videos, subtitling, tv shows, cinema etc that would also be dope as hell!

5. What’s your favorite color palette to wear?

fkgjfsdgiusfdksd I have no fashion sense whatsoever, idk? I do like to wear dark clothes (because weight..) and reds (because pale).

6. What’s your opinion on queerbaiting?

I don’t have the time for it. for starters, it’s something that usually comes from people with very poor writing skills that can’t come up with plots interesting enough to keep viewers/readers hooked in. that already says something. no offense to anyone who is a fan of shows like these, but when it’s mostly written by white men I just don’t have any high hopes for it. you can ask flavs what my reaction was like when I realized the character I had headcanon’ed as wlw in hannibal was actually a wlw. I couldn’t believe it, because what???? since when does that happen, especially in a show run by a white man??? kjdfghsjgd 

I think this is part of a bigger conversation but my point is, don’t fall for it. I know it’s all part of the fight for representation, asking big names to produce big shows with lgbtq+ characters in it and so on, but for the love of god, watch something else too!!!! let GOT rot and die!!!!!!!!! look up different, smaller, cheaper shows, that’s where you find lgbtq+ content creators!!!!!! there’s so many wlw webseries out there, you wouldn’t believe it. you have a choice. don’t give any more of your time and love and word-of-mouth to shows/movies that clearly have no interest in being more diverse. they don’t deserve you. 

and that’s not to say any of it is on us. quite on the contrary, they’re using us. but aside from calling out their bullshit, we do have a chance to boost lgbtq+ content creators. don’t let them fool you into thinking they’re doing you any favors, or that they’re our last chance so we should be paying attention to what they’re doing/saying. fuck them!!!! you can’t queerbait me because I don’t trust you or give you the chance to do it. and you can shove your very straight, very white shows where the sun doesn’t shine, @ hollywood.  

7. Is there a language you would love to speak?

french and korean, mostly. I can understand a little bit of both, but I really wish I was fluent :( oh, will to live and learn, where art thou...

8. Do you have, like, a dream so wild you think it’s impossible?

kjgnsfdkjhjjs having enough money to support myself and my mother??? I don’t have any big, wild dreams, I think. just.......... living comfortably would be a+  

9. How many AUs of your own life do you have in your head?

oh man. I keep thinking about living somewhere in idk iceland or scotland just like... tending goats or something. that’s the most comfortable version of myself I can think of.

I also like to imagine if I could handle being a film director, because that sounds like fun. maybe a screenwriter? anything creative in films, really. 

there’s also the unattainable dream of having a wife and idk maybe adopting a kid? and we’d just. support each other. and love each other. and that’s just. I. [cries]

I like to think how things would be if I were actually hot and not socially awkward.. I’d be someone completely different, basically lol 

10. If you were to meet your younger self, do you think they would think you cool or not?

oh god, younger me would hate present me D: I had such high hopes for myself, I had lots of dreams lol never in a million years did I think I’d be where I am today...

11. Not a question, but please add something postive about yourself, something that you love about you.

IDJFSSIODUGSDFKGDSJ IT’S LIKE YOU KNEW I’D BE A NEGATIVE FUCK, NINI. I................................ I like that I have an easy time with languages? or with classes in general. I like to learn from people, I’m just really unmotivated to leave the house lol 

now onto gray’s q’s:

1. What’s your favourite music video of all time?

straight-up impossible questions right out of the gate huh I SEE YOU, GRAY. I SEE YOU kjdfgjfsdhgkdsjfs

I’ll have to go with a few,

“prototype” by viktoria modesta is just GORGEOUS. I can’t get over this video & song and it’s been years.

“jackpot” by block b looks creepy as shit but the context makes it such a clever yet fun video. take into account that these guys were screwed over by the kpop company that created the group, and that the lyrics talk about hitting jackpot in an industry that’s savage to say the least. to me this video is a visual representation of what a dangerous trap entertainment companies are in the kpop industry, and it also ties in with the groups’ story of being made into dolls by a company and then telling them to fuck off in the end lol 

“treat me like your mother” by the dead weather. I don’t know why I just love it. (cw: gun violence)

“emperor’s new clothes” by panic! at the disco. I MEAN, LOOK AT IT.

“manyo maash” by puer kim. I just love the aesthetic?

honorable mention: “tick tick boom” by the hives because that’s a banger. ba dum tssss.

2. What’s a favourite memory of yours?

I have plenty of good memories, thank god. I think one of my favorites is just hanging out with my friends in 2008-9; one of their older brothers was driving us around town, we were listening to the white stripes at full volume, singing along, all sitting pressed up close together in his shitty car. man, my teenage years would’ve been fantastic if I had stayed there with them!! 

3. Do you play video games? If so, which one’s your favourite?

I DO!!! I mean, not as much as I’d like because a) no money to spare on games/consoles, and b) I suck at basically everything. but I’m obsessed with paladins these days, and I’m also a big fan of LOTRO. I like horror games--mostly the resident evil and silent hill type--and fps. I grew up playing some tomb raider, medal of honor, resident evil... oh, those were the days. 

4. How did you first get into [your fandom of choice]?

with bfu it was that kind of thing where I’d see a meme or two cross my dash and it was always this ridiculous screenshot, or those “that’s it, that’s the show” kinda things with dozens of thousands of notes... until one day I was incredibly anxious, and I needed to watch something or I’d never finish the assignments I had for college. so I just thought “oh hey I should check out that unsolved thing people like so much, it’s buzzfeed so it’s probably good bg noise to work with” lol and it did work, and I did finish my assignments, and that means that I first watched the show barely paying any attention to it because I was busy doing something else. but ryan’s and shane’s voices helped me relax and to this day they still help a lot with my anxiety, to the point that I need to keep coming back every minute or so during episodes because I get distracted just listening to their voices and not absorbing a word lol

5. How did you first get into fandom in general?

uhh.. well, I was a big “pottermaniac” (that’s how I called it) since I was 9, but that was before I realized fandom was a Thing on the internet too. I remember when I was maybe 10 or 11, I entered a chatroom (god, those were wild) just in time to see someone saying in all caps HARRY POTTER IS GREAT AND YOU’RE ALL DUMB FOR NOT SEEING IT or something fkdsjgfdugfsdk and it was this girl using the nickname fawkes. she was older than me, I think that 15 or something, and we exchanged addresses (!!! how am I alive!!!) and were pen pals for a while. but it took me so fucking long to actually find the fandom online that I think my first brush with it was with the arctic monkeys forum I found online in 2008, where I mistakenly said I liked “the muse” and people laughed at me so I never went back to it lol then in 2010 I found out about kpop and that’s when I really dived head-first into fandom life. took me long enough (tbf I was very against the notion of being a “fan” because I was an idiot).

6. What’s at the top of your bucket list?

great fucking question. no idea. I guess.. traveling overseas? if we’re talking wild, distant things. but closer to my reality, getting a job that pays me at least the minimum wage disjgdfgkfsdk #fuckinternships

7. What’s something not many people know about you?

I love dancing and miss it like hell.

8. What’s your favourite medium for storytelling - movie, book, television, musical, comic, internet video, video game, something else? Why that medium?

ohhhhhhh this is an interesting question. as much as I love writing, and think that’s one of the best things we humans have ever come up with, I do love.. musicals? not necessarily theater--although that’s great and I’d sell my soul to see chicago live--but I love the idea of telling stories through music. I really wish we could bring back the custom of telling stories orally, and through music, and that we could as society agree that collective singing is beautiful and should be reintroduced in our day-to-day lives. sure listening to (1) artist singing is great but hAVE YOU TRIED SINGING ALONG DURING A CONCERT WHERE EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGING TOO? best fucking feeling in the world. 

we had two bands in brazil, in different periods of time, that were so incredibly famous they’re still cornerstones in our music history. one was legião urbana, some folk-ey rock band that had a couple of songs telling these really long stories that I LOVE with all my heart. faroeste caboclo is our bohemian rhapsody, most people my age or older know the lyrics to it. and mamonas assassinas was this comical (?) rock band that sang dumb, fun songs that usually told stories too and that was the best. I miss that kinda thing. 

9. What’s your favourite food?

red meat, mainly churrasco. but I also can’t live without chocolate milk AND the whopper. capitalism has me by the stomach.

10. Do you have a joke to share?

fjgfsdgskfdgfsk I don’t.. it’s been so long since I last tried telling a joke, I don’t think I know any?

11. What song/artist helped you through your struggles?

pitty has been a big part of my life for some 14-odd years now. “be ok” by ingrid michaelson and “starlight” by muse were my anthems when depression hit hard during my teenage years. the white stripes has also been a constant, with gems like “blue orchid” and “a martyr for my love for you” turning into sort of theme songs for certain parts of my life. choi sam helped me through college. and even though they were a huge disappointment to the point that I stopped listening to them altogether, block b gave me a good 4 or 5 years of distraction from life.

[butsomeofusarelookingatthestars]

Pls pls pls make an imagine out of Luke and ur son being radiators!! It’s actually the cutest thing everrrrr

Pillow Talk

Fandom: Criminal MindsPairing: Luke Alvez x ReaderPrompt: Request (based on these headcanons)

Description: Luke finds out that his place in your bed has been taken by your toddler.

“Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine.” You reassured your husband, smiling softly as he yawned widely.

When Luke was travelling with the BAU, it was your late-night video chats that kept the two of you sane. Despite the late hour, you always wanted to check up on one another – you to ensure his safety and him to find out what his family had been up to whilst he was away.

It was clear that his latest case had been a particularly exhausting one. The dark circles under his eyes and tired smile hinted that he had many restless nights this week. He never seemed to rest well when he was away, too accustomed to listening to your gentle breathing to ease him into sleep.

Something told you that he worried a lot about leaving you and your little boy at home. Perhaps the disturbing nature of his work plagued him with nightmares about family annihilators… Regardless, it seemed that Luke was unable to rest easy unless he had tucked your son into his crib and lay with an arm draped around you protectively.

However, you still tended to miss him more…for more reasons than one.

“It’s really cold here.” You pouted, snuggling into the covers even further as if to emphasise your point.

Ever since you had started dating, Luke had acted as your own personal radiator. For some reason, he just seemed to generate heat and cuddling up against his warm chest was the only reason you could cope with the harsh Winter months.

It was hard to bear the cold, unwelcoming bed without his reassuring presence beside you.

No matter how much he travelled with the FBI, you had still never gotten used to sleeping alone – always missing Luke’s protective embrace and, most of all, his comforting heat.

However, you had discovered the perfect solution to your problem. Something that Luke was about to discover.

“Do you miss me?” Luke asked, a teasing grin playing on his lips as he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

He had never complained about you shamelessly using him as a radiator, partly because of the persuasive benefits the role offered him. Having his wife permanently attached to his body as they lay in bed together was something he could never complain about.

You smiled smugly as you shrugged your shoulders. “I came up with an alternative.”

“You’ve found a replacement?” Luke asked, his brow furrowing in slight confusion as he absorbed your words. He sincerely hoped you were talking about Roxy rather than another man.

However, a bright smile broke out across his face as you adjusted the camera to show your little boy nestled against your chest.

Fortunately for Luke, the only other man in your life was your son.

You gently stroked your toddler’s cheek as he snoozed quietly beside you, his tiny hands entangled in your pyjama top.

You had been overjoyed to find out that he took after his father in many ways than one – delighted that he had the same comforting warmth that Luke provided you with. Ever since your discovery, he had been brought in to replace your husband whilst he was away working on cases – much to his delight.

As a total ‘mommy’s boy’ he had been thrilled at the chance to snuggle up to you.

“I’m just glad he’s inherited his father’s abilities.” Luke laughed softly. “Someone has to keep you warm in my absence.”

He adored being able to see his family so happy and couldn’t wait to be reunited with the two of you again soon. Even the rest of the team had noticed his broodiness this week – patting him sympathetically on the arm as they assured him that it was only natural to miss his family, especially when working a tough case.

“I’ll be fine as long as I’ve got my own little radiator here.” You told him, grinning widely at the happiness etched onto his face. It felt nice to be able to cheer him up after a difficult day.

Luke gazed at the two of you lovingly for a moment, before murmuring softly about how much he missed the two of you and expressing his slight jealousy at not being able to be there beside you.

Sometimes you felt sorry that he missed out on little moments like this and he could feel guilty at not being at home. But, you and your son both knew how much he loved the two of you and that was all that mattered.

“Just promise me that I can reclaim my bed when I get back?” Luke asked with a pleading look on his face, only just managing to bite back the teasing grin that threatened to break through. Apparently, he had been taking lessons off your son on how to pull the perfect pout.

You rolled your eyes sarcastically, scoffing softly as you shook your head in fake disappointment at his playful antics. He chuckled warmly as he winked at you, causing your cheeks to flush slightly.

Even after all the time he could still make you flustered with those eyes of his.

“What? I’ve got a reputation to defend.”

[dorkcresswxll]

i went...... hard y’all this is so extra and embarrassing but i spent like,, over an hour writing this down so ur all gonna see it u better.

Why did you choose to play the character that you do at Crimson Revolt?

im gonna be honest like………………………………. i picked dirk bc i wanted to play ezra miller lmao. I KNOW HOW SHALLOW THAT IS DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OKAY I CAN EXPLAIN!!!!!!!! alright so before i apped for crt the first time i was at…… a pretty low place confidence-wise bc i’d just left the first rpg i ever joined (also the first rp thing i ever did) and it was a pretty,,,, messy departure lmaoo i gotta admit i could’ve handled that better orz. BUT ANYWAY so i went looking through the ezra miller fc tag bc i’d just discovered this fabulous person and had vague ideas about a character that could fit the fc (dramatic, cheeky, a lil flamboyant) and was also thinking “i will never fall in love with a character the way i did my previous ones again” and more dramatic bullshit along those line bc like i said,,, bad time. obviously i didn’t find any active rpgs that had him in use so i checked crt bc i’d seen it around before and liked the look of it, so i sent the main an ask like “do you see ezra miller working for any of your open characters?” the admin at the time pointed me to barty crouch, peter pettigrew and dirk cresswell.

i just want to take a moment to digest that i could literally have played any of these three, cause all i had at the time was a vague idea of a character and a fc to match. i remember i spent days trying to decide between barty and dirk cause neither skeleton fit my vision perfectly and they both seemed aimed more towards an angry jock-type character (especially dirk his fc was miles teller which…. should give u a good idea of what the admin at the time had in mind for him) ( i mean the first skeleton. the one on the main now is one i rewrote after the main crashed back in june.) (just to clarify: the original skeleton had just as much potential to evolve to a complex and intriguing character as any other skeleton here at crt. i just had my vaguely dramatic ezra miller bby and i wanted it. lmao.) but i liked challenging set characterizations and bringing unique perspectives to contrast against any expectations the admin/s might have about a character. which is why i tend to go for skeleton rps, you get more freedom with those. eventually i decided on dirk bc i liked the sound of aversio and grey moralities appeal to me greatly. i spent a long time delving into the character’s backstory and personality and all those deep-seated insecurities and compelling contradictions that make dirk up to be the person he is now. by the time i submitted the app i was thoroughly in love with the character and haven’t stopped since. he’s my most developed and my most beloved character to play thus far.

Do you have a favorite holiday?

NOPE. as long as im surrounded by people i love and a lot of snacks im good.

Do you prefer coffee or tea? Perhaps neither, or both?

coffee. coffee coffee coffee.

What is your personality type?

INFP-T. the mediator. 86% introverted lmaooo.

What is your Hogwarts House?

ahhh. when i first read the books a few years ago i was like ‘iM A SLYTHERIN DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!’ but i…………literally have the subtlety of a bulldozing stampede of rhinos im sure y’all noticed. i took the pottermore test and had the glaring red n gold show up on my face and i shut the laptop down so fast like liES I BELIEVE NONE OF THIS. then i took a fan-made test that put me in ravenclaw and i was like…………….. ok i accept this compromise i can work with that. lmao im such a gryffindor tho don’t look at me im just *flops* pottermore was right….. i accept my place now i have stopped running from the truth orz.

What is your Zodiac Sign?

Taurus.

Three most recently watched on Netflix?

SURPRISE! i don’t have netflix. most recent stuff i watched tho are Stranger Things 2, IT (2017) and…. i can’t remember orz. but im obsessed with stranger things taLK TO ME ABOUT STEVE HARRINGTON PLS I LOVE HIM SO MUCH *SOBS*

Describe your ride-or-die friend.

don’t call me out like this…………………………………. i don’t make friends in real life people are difficult and i am awkward orz.

If you could have any superpower, what would you choose?

the ability to focus whenever i want at whatever i want for however long i want and actually manage to be productive with my time. what do u mean this is not a superpower i need it to be one.

Are you an early bird or a night owl?

i have no sleep schedule to speak of. sometimes i sleep at five am and wake up at eight am to get to my classes, then have a six hour nap when i get home and stay up until four am again. sometimes i go to bed on eight pm and wake up at four in the morning and still sleep through my classes, take a small four hour nap when im home and spend obligatory time with the fam for a couple hours lmao. it’s like im just sleeping or waking up either way im always a step removed from a zombie. there is. no reason for any of this i just do it.

What is your favorite color?

YELLOW. it’s so bright and sunny and iouwodc. i love it.

What is the last book you read? What is your favorite?

ahhhh i can’t remember my memory is failing me. which is sad cause i used to pick up a new novel every other day but i just can’t be bothered anymore ugh. i think my favorite was the whole PJO & HoO series’ – i haven’t read the last book yet tho, so i’ll start rereading all ten books when i get the chance.

Where would you rather be right now?

on a bed. sleeping. alone. with a lot of blankets. solitude appeals to me on such a deep level guys u don’t even know.

Have you ever watched the sunrise?

the ones i remember are three – once when i was a kid with my mom, bc i wouldn’t go to sleep and it was approaching sunrise and i rambled about wanting to see the sun come up so my mom was like………………… ‘*throws hands up* ok u lil monster u win’ and took me to the roof to watch the sunrise lol. it was glorious. and cold. bc winter. the second time was with my cousins who were sleeping over (for the first time in a loooong tiiiimmmeeee) and we decided to spend the night up on the roof bc why not. the last time was with my brother i think he was up there fixing something or the other and i was just there….. to be annoying lmao.

Do you listen to music when you write? If yes, what kind of music?

oh no i can’t. i need everything and everyone to be quiet or i can’t write a thing.

What’s the one thing you especially love about roleplaying your muse/s?

what do i love about playing dirk…… his impulsive and his bright attitude and his endless optimism. he has such an uplifting presence and a cheeky sort of charm that makes it impossible for people not to love him, that makes his worming into other people’s hearts so entirely predictable and entertaining to play out. he is a myriad of contradictions – the difference between what he thinks everyone deserves and what he thinks he deserves is appalling, and with time it becomes clear that when he says things like “everyone needs someone to lean on” or “everyone could use some support” he is not referring to himself as a part of this ‘everyone’, if even on a subconscious level, does not find himself worthy of such kindness. he is a character so full of love he is spilling and overflowing with it, his raw emotions and his turbulent nature one of the dearest parts of him to me. the thin line he walks between being kind and violent, loyal and unforgiving, genuine and secretive. all the little details that make him up are reason for me to love him as dearly as i do.

What’s your favorite type of weather?

cold, but not too cold, y’know? just enough to wear a jacket but not so much you spend the night under five covers and a thermometer lmaoo.

What’s your best RP experience?

crt. no contest. and im not just saying that cause i’ve been in a bunch of rpgs by now and they all either a) lack dedicated admins/members b) are cliquey and non-inclusive at all or b) fall into inactivity a meager month or two after opening. crt is one of a kind.

Who inspires you?

this is actually a tough question cause i never really stop to think about it?? i draw inspiration from everything around me and it’s kinda like…. im constantly absorbing stuff from the environment im in and it’s like i’m always half-thinking about writing at any given moment, if that makes sense?? dunno.

Spread some love: mention someone you’ve met that has influenced you or your writing in a positive way and explain how!

ahhh okay so. before i tried roleplaying i stumbled upon this rpg in the fandom tag over a year ago and it’s basically been the catalyst for my time in the rpc. i was looking through the character’s blogs and found someone playing peter and i was like……….. not fond of peter at the time tbh but this person’s writing was so fucking incredible i checked their blog daily, just to see how this thread or that thread would go. their take on a character i’d only held distaste for before was so compelling and complex i was drawn in all the way, i’d even come to love the character so much and was constantly disarmed by the smallest to the biggest details in that person’s characterization – at least the details i could pick up on, some i’m sure went way over my head at the time. some details i still remember vividly and they’ve helped me shape my first character and have influenced my writing thereafter. i learned a lot about the duality of a character’s mind and how to express inner conflict by observing that person’s writing. (yes i sent them a nerdy af message gushing about all that bc they hadda know man…. they hadda know.)