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[maxislvt]

I'll Digest You, One Kiss At A Time

Summary: Wanda loved you, she loved you so much. The softness of your lips, the smell of your perfume, and the energy you brought into the room everywhere you went. Loving you was easy, but getting you was hard. You were just too sweet for your own good. Too trusting to look for your missing items, too oblivious to see the way she looked at you, and too innocent to even consider the fact someone wanted you the way she did.

Warnings: college!au, top!wanda, stalker!wanda, beefy!Wanda for like all of five minutes if you read slow, extreme possessiveness and jealousy, stalking, virgin!reader, unethical means of masturbation, strap-on use, cum strap, breeding kink, biting kink, corruption kink, brief choking

A/N: You have the wonderful @lizziesnosescrunch to thank for this idea and fic as whole! This is easily one of my favorite requested fics so far and I had a lot of fun writing this. Should've been a lot darker but trust this isn't the last you'll see of stalker!Wanda on my page ever!

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

Wanda's mother was a woman of many wise words. No matter how strange and nonsensical a situation seemed, Wanda could trust her mother had a few sweet words of affirmation and guidance to help. She didn't understand all of them, but they never went unappreciated. They were most useful when she and Pietro were being sent off to college. Though most were directed at her brother so he'd stay out of trouble and keep his legs closed, Wanda got a couple interesting ones of her own.

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do." That one was something she heard often. Immigrating from Sokovia to America was a huge change. That was a bit easier in high school. The neighborhood they moved in was filled with refugees from their home country. College was much different. Many of the older kids in the neighborhood had told her what American colleges were like. Cheap food, questionable alcoholic creations, and the worst hangovers known to man. Pietro seemed thrilled at the idea, but Wanda didn’t understand it. Sororities sounded like cults and she rarely heard anything about work and studying. However, she realized she’d never live life if she didn’t go with the flow every once in a while.

Then, there was “Never count your chickens.” Certainly one that had more to it, but Wanda’s mother never bothered to learn the rest of the saying. Later, Wanda learned that the proper saying was “Don’t count your chickens before they hatched.” Wanda had big plans for herself and was a very meticulous planner. Though her family thought it was obsessive and would lightly poke fun at her from time to time, it got her very far. Pietro got in on a whim with his track scholarship, but Wanda had more solidified means of getting there. Her grades were amazing, but she needed more. Debate, student government, and a never ending list of internships. Wanda was almost halfway through planning the next four years of her life before her mother pumped the brakes on the whole thing.

Finally, there was her mother’s favorite. “If you must fall in love, do it with your whole heart and nothing else.” Though her mother preached it like it was some common old scripture, it was entirely made up. Also, it was something only Wanda was on the receiving end of. Mainly because Pietro introduced their mother to a new boyfriend and clearly had no issue with using his heart. Wanda’s love life on the other hand was so slow it almost seemed stagnant. It made sense. There was no time for romance when she had her nose buried in a textbook every other day. Her parents never pushed, but were eager to hear anything about a “new friend” or “favorite study partner”. That seemed to be the only one Wanda didn’t use in life. No one piqued her interest. A few short flings here and there, but never a true flame in her heart.

Then one day, that changed.

About two weeks into her freshman year of college, you absolutely ruined her. It was early into the school year so the only friends she had were Pietro and Brunhilde — her roommate who worked just as hard as she did but partied infinitely harder. If anyone asked, Wanda could recite the entire day leading up to the moment she met and the entire night after that. After a rather interesting conversation with her roommate about sororities, fraternities, the absolutely "bonkers" parties they threw, and how to survive them — Brunhilde and Pietro had dragged her to her first real college party.

As she had expected, Pietro abandoned her to chat up the first boy that showed even the vaguest interest in him, but Brunhilde stayed by Wanda's side and introduced her to some friends. First there was Carol, Brunhilde's girlfriend and every bit of a golden retriever as her roommate described her to be. There was Tony and Steve, the most unlikely pair of boyfriends she'd ever laid eyes on. Thor and Bruce, Brunhilde's best friend and her best friend's boyfriend. Yelena and Natasha, sisters who certainly had better things to do but all these friends were there so they were forced into the house. Clint and Kate, Natasha's best friend that brought a bow for some reason and Yelena's best friend who also brought a bow for some reason.

Then, there was you. A beacon of light and breath of fresh air among the chaos that was the backyard of Tony's penthouse. You were at least a little tipsy during the introduction, but Wanda was endeared by your attempts to prove otherwise. The only thing that warmed her heart more than your stumbling words and giddy hellos was the sudden over-protectiveness that jumped out when you had learned she'd never gone to a house party before. Before she knew it, you were chugging water and desperate to sober up just to keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, Tony was a master at getting you sidetracked and had you dining whatever the hell a jello shot was faster you could fill your cup with water. Drunkenness didn't stop your attempts at all. Even with slurred words and half lid eyes, you made an effort to check in on her until Val and Pietro had called it quits for the night.

The next day only added fuel to the fire that was her adoration for you. First thing in the morning, she heard a faint knock at the door. She expected it to be Carol to come swooning over her blackout drunk girlfriend or Pietro to gush about his latest one night stand, but it was you. It was unexpected to say the least. You were almost as drunk as her roommate was last night but still got up bright and early to bake her cookies and chat until your morning classes began. As if an entire batch of cookies wasn't sweet enough, you even offered to drive her to her first class as well.

"You know, I could've taken the bus and been just fine," Wanda said before stuffing her face with the gooey chocolate chip cookies you'd gifted her hours before. Riding in your car was an experience she'd never erase from her memory. The two of you had only really talked for an hour or so, but she could tell it was just so you. The leather seats looked brand new but the photos in the sun visor and the teddy bear on swing hanging from the rear view mirror proved otherwise.

“Oh please, you put up with my drunk rambling, the least I could do was pay you back.” You took a quick break from the road to flash Wanda a smile. Smiles from you went from your bottom lip all the way up to the corners of your eyes. Wanda loved it. She loved the way your fingers tapped against the steering wheel as you waited for a light to turn green. She loved the way you obsessively checked your rear view mirrors when you parallel parked. She even loved your absent minded nods you gave to show you were still listening when you struggled to back up the right way. “Well, this is your stop,” You said with an excited giggle. Not even Wanda’s favorite song couldn’t stand a chance to the sound of your laughter.

Wanda smiled back as she unbuckled her seat belt. “Well, I take the mysterious giggling as a good sign and leave now,” She joked. She got out of the car and swung her backpack over her shoulder. Simply because she wanted to see you blush, she reached back inside and pushed some of your hair back behind your ear. “I hope you have a nice day.” A mission success. The second her fingers grazed the shell of your ear, they burned bright red.

You swallowed a lump in your throat and nodded dumbly. "Uh, yeah. Call me if you need a ride home." Wanda didn't have time to tell you she didn't have your phone number. The second she leaned back from your car, you sped off. Leaving her standing in the middle of the parking lot like an idiot. You were lucky Wanda thought it was cute because anyone else would've easily been ripped to shreds.

Wanda spent the rest of her morning thinking about you. She was thankful for her eidetic memory. It made it easy to think about you. Recounting the freckles of your face and estimating the depths of the dimples on your cheeks had kept her going. The end of the day is somehow so much better.

While on her walk back to her dorm, she noticed that her neighbor had left their door wide open. Being the kind soul that she is, she took a careful peak inside. She did a quick look over and didn't notice any movement. Just before giving up, she knocked on the door a couple times hoping whoever lived there was there and living. To her surprise, you stepped out of one of the bedrooms.

Your brows were furrowed in confusion at first. Then they shot to your hair line in shock. "Oh god, I forgot to lock the door again, didn't I," You grumbled softly. It was a miracle that you didn't see the way Wanda's eyes bored into your soul. With your legs out on display and torso barely covered, anything could've happened to you. "Thank you so much, I was super distracted when I came in." You flashed the sweetest smile and it's almost cute enough for Wanda to feel bad for the impure thoughts she had about you.

Almost. Her eyes shamelessly dragged up your body before she reached your eyes. Just as warm, sweet, and completely oblivious as the first time she'd look into them. "It's really dangerous for someone as cute as you to keep their door wide open this late," She said with a deceptively soft smile. A ludicrous statement, really. The danger was already in your dorm. It was Wanda. The woman you'd innocently given cookies and driven to class mere hours before was suddenly making up a list of all the ways she could ruin you.

You laughed before reaching for the door. "So I've been told, I promise to be extra careful tomorrow if it'll make you happy." You extended your pinkie. "Pinkie promise."

God. You truly didn't have a clue how much power you had over Wanda. Her pinkie wrapped around yours tightly and she grinned. "We have a deal, but I'd prefer you do that every day."

∞

It took almost no time for Wanda's love for you to fester and mold into something much more dangerous. At first, she assumed it was something shallow. Regardless of what her true feelings may have been, you were definitely easy on the eyes. Projecting her sexual fantasies on you was been easy as pie. Who wouldn't want to see you fully exposed begging for them? But that primal urge to make you hers and hers alone was something no one else would understand. She'd make sure of it. The desire to consume you whole was unbearable. Just barely held back by the bits of your life you'd let her into. The more she knew about you, the worse her obsession became. Whatever was enough yesterday wasn't enough for today and today wouldn't be enough for tomorrow. That's why her bed was pushed against the wall your dorms shared and her notes app filled with tiny details about you and your schedule.

Maybe it was the delusions and daydreaming, but you were made for Wanda. Wanda loved art and you liked to draw. She liked sweets and you loved to cook. Wanda needed to be warm at all times and you loved physical affection. Clinginess was definitely Wanda's favorite trait of yours. You looked to anyone for warmth and cuddles, but you seemed to drift towards her more often .

"What exactly are we watching again," She asked as her fingers raked through your hair. There was no need for her to ask. Wanda had remembered every detail down to the time the two of you started watching. However, she'd never pass up a chance to hear you excitedly talk about anything.

Your back pressed further into Wanda's chest. "I need to watch this series and take notes for graphic design," You said while making a couple of quick doodles on your notebook to help with organization. Video essays and Netflix recommendations had piled high, but you were determined to get through them all that night. "You're just here cause I wanted to hang out without you." Wanda would normally tease you for such a statement. The attachment you had to her was growing everyday and nothing could stop it. Almost magically, she knew how you preferred your hot chocolate, all the shows you watched, and even what classes you had. If Wanda wanted to take care of you, who were you to deny that? "I would really like you to stay, but if you think it's boring you can leave…I think you'd like the episode though."

Wanda was quickly to press a kiss on the top of your head. She can't imagine what she's doing to think she'll ever leave you alone. "No, I'm going to stay." The grip she had on your waist tightened and she pulled you impossibly closer to her. She could feel the way you tensed up on top of her. Wanda feared she was going to run out of words to describe how cute you were. For the sake of your note taking, she kept her teasing words to herself.

As the episode plays through and you slowly check off things on your study list. Two forty minute episodes and an hour long video essay later, you needed a break. That's what Wanda decided anyway. The second your last video ended, she snatched the TV remote from your hand and turned it off. You opened your mouth to protest, but one stern look had suppressed any disagreement.

Wanda carefully moved you from your lap onto the empty space next to her. "I need to pee and then I'll make you tea. You stay here and look cute." She elected to ignore your disapproving huff and headed to your bathroom. Though she really did have to go, she found herself a tiny bit side tracked. As expected, your bathroom was just as pretty and organized as your bedroom. With little plastic bins and drawers lined up everywhere, you made the most of the space you'd been given in your tiny dorm room. Yet, that wasn't what kept her attention the longest.

Laid out on the floor were the cutest pair of underwear she'd ever seen. Patterned with tiny bears and a pretty shade of pink. So pure and innocent, a direct contrast to what she'd use them for. She's stolen a couple things from you before. That tiny notebook filled with random thoughts and strange doodles, your favorite perfume bottle she made sure to replace, and a few other small things like pens and photographs she'd snapped when you weren't looking. This however, was easily the most personal of them. The brief glimpses of what she got when sat across from her or stood up too fast would never satisfy her after that night. After that, the only thing that would keep her desire under control was to make you hers.

That would come much later down the road. After she'd filled your head with the filthiest thoughts and made you completely dependent on her. All she could do now was shove your panties in her back pocket and try her best to keep her hands from roaming too far up your shirt. Even that proved to be difficult. It was always hard not to just force herself on to you. You're just sweet and unassuming, it'd just be so easy to sweet talk you into spreading those perfect little legs of yours, but that's not what she wanted. She wanted to see you desperate and begging for her to claim you. With spread legs and that empty warm look in your eyes you got when you were too relaxed to think.

It was a real shame she didn't know just how close she was to that goal.

As her hands mindlessly roamed up and down your torso, Wanda had managed to work you up quite a bit. Your underwear had begun sticking to your core and uncomfortable amount. It seemed no amount of awkward shifting could get them to move. Awful couldn't even begin to describe how you felt. Wanda was so nice to you and always made sure you were okay, but all you could do in return was sit there and take advantage of her kindness. You were ashamed to admit it wasn't the first time either. Anytime she hugged you tighter than normal and pulled you away from what she seemed "dangerous", you'd swoon and suddenly become bothered. "Hey uh, can we cut it short today? I don't feel too good."

Your question snapped Wanda out of her thoughts. "Oh, yeah, that's fine. Just call me if you need any help." She refused to look down at you. Too embarrassed to see if her hands had gone too far. "I'll be in my dorm, so please don't be afraid to ask, alright?" Normally, you'd enthusiastically smile and send her off, but all she got was a quiet nod and a thumbs up. For a moment, she was worried she'd scared you. Fortunately, she'd caught the flushed look on your face just before walking out the door.

For a moment, you stay folded over the table. Hoping you'd merge into it and never have to face your shame. Unfortunately, that one in a billion chance never came and you were forced to face your demons. There was only one real way for you to do that. You forced yourself up on your shaky legs and dragged them to your bedroom. Shame had burned your face beet red at the mere thought of what you were about to do.

You'd be infinitely more embarrassed if you had known the cause of your frustrations was listening to your sinful deeds on the other side of your bedroom wall.

Wanda tried to respect your privacy, she really did. But that's hard when the walls were just so thin and you made the cutest noises. The heat between her legs quickly became insatiable. She should've been ashamed. Ashamed that her ears ruined the privacy of such an intimate moment. Bashful at the way she pressed your panties against her nose and inhaled your scent. Humiliated by how quickly her fingers worked to push herself over the edge. Yet, none of those emotions were present in that moment. Wanda needed to have you this was the closest she was going to get. Pride be damned.

The shared bedroom wall couldn't bear a greater contrast.

On one side, your clumsy, inexperienced fingers tried their hardest to bring you to an edge. An innocence a college would likely never see again. The other side, nibble, trained fingers that brought Wanda to orgasm more times than she'd ever admit. A dark, unwavering possessiveness that no one could match. One ignorantly waiting to be consumed by the other.

"No, please…"

Every little noise you let out was just fuel to the fire that was her lust, but your begging had uncovered something more. She could see you so clearly through the wall. Pussy slick and puffed up from your desperate attempts to get yourself. A growing wet spot between your legs. That absolutely adorable pout you made at the mere thought of being denied.

She needed to have you.

∞

"I want to be your girlfriend."

If you weren't face to face with pure, unfiltered possessiveness, you would've reminded Wanda the proper way to ask someone out. Teased her for being too up front and forgetting that America was a country less up front than Sokovia. But it was hard to do that when she had you pinned down against the bed and looked like she wanted to eat you alive. If your brain would function for a fraction of a second, you could answer her. You looked like a fish out of water. The dryness in your throat made you feel like one too. “What?” It was the only thing you could force out of your mouth at that moment. Far from what you wanted to say, but you were aroused by the reaction you received.

Wanda pushed further into you, her knee parted your legs. She was desperate at this point. “Please, god, I can’t stand the way she looks at you." Natasha was proving to be quite the pain in her ass. Wanda didn't mind you having friends, but Natasha couldn't seem to find her place. Touching you, flirting with you, kissing you. It was unbearable. "I promise I can treat you so much better, just give me a chance." Her eyes kept flickering down to your lips. Adorable, soft, and just as plump as always. Now they were dirty and Wanda was the only one who could clean them. "Just one, please."

Wanda's thigh is practically flush against your crotch and you're trapped against the bed. The way she talked about you was addictive. As if you were nothing more than property to be owned. Your parents had always taught you that people like that were dangerous. But Wanda wasn't just some person. She made you feel good. "That's…that's good, I'd like that." The words fell out of your mouth without an ounce of grace, but you didn't have much time to be embarrassed before Wanda kissed you.

It was overwhelming. You'd been kissed before. Short, sweet, and experimental. Wanda was different. Her hand pushed against the back of your neck, bringing you impossibly closer to her. Any oxygen you managed to get into your lungs was stolen from you only seconds later. It was like she wanted to eat you whole. The kiss made you dizzy. If Wanda wanted to eat you alive, you were dizzy enough to let her do it. The only thing strong enough to remind how unprepared you were for it was the pure terror that ran through your veins when Wanda began unbuttoning your pants. "Wait, wait, wait," You rushed before pushing Wanda back from you. The concerned look on her face almost makes you feel guilty. "I've never.. y'know…" Your words trail off, but Wanda knew exactly what you meant.

Wanda bit the inside of her cheek, punishment for forcing herself onto you so quickly. She cleared her throat and guided her hands to the sides of your thighs. "Hey, that's okay," She said, voice soft and assuring. "I got a little carried away, that's my fault." Her hands shifted higher to the small of your back and pulled you forward. "Can I be your first then? I promise I'll work for it."

You weren't stupid. Promising your virginity was a crazy idea. There was always the chance you'd be nothing more than some twitched fetish and one of a million girls Wanda would bed. Wanda wasn't like that, you were sure of it. You didn't know it, but she was much worse than that. Foolishly, you nodded your head in agreement. "Okay, just be nice to me when you do please," You laughed dryly, too embarrassed to continue the conversation in detail.

The smile Wanda gave you was easily her most deceitful one yet. Nothing about those adorable bunny teeth or endless pools of green could ever prepare you for the insanity she harbored within. She leaned down and pressed her forehead against yours. "I promise I'll take such good care of you."

Wanda was easily the biggest danger on campus. There was nothing to protect you from but her. So of course, something had to be staged. After weeks of showering you with gifts and affection, her plan went into action.

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday you went to work. Between the allowance your parents gave you and the ungodly amount Wanda would spend on you, you had just enough to keep your fridge stocked and your tank full. Of course, you liked to have your own money so you got a little part-time job. Though you looked absolutely adorable in your little uniform, Wanda couldn't have her precious baby working themselves to the bone. Killing two birds with one stone. Gaining your trust and scaring you out of that hellish job.

Pietro, always up for whatever evil schemes his sister had, simply had to stalk you. He had his fun with it. Stomping as he walked. Purposely slipping on rocks. Even hiding in alleyways after kicking something around. You were terrified. Yet, you were too stubborn to ever ask for any help. No matter how much you shook or stuttered, you held your ground. Eventually, his patience wore off and you forced his hand.

After your Friday shift, he chased you. Down the street, through every left turn, and even up the stairs of your dorm section.

You were too scared to pay attention to where you were going. Jamming your key into the first lock you came across. Though your heart nearly jumped out of your chest, You were grateful when the door swung open to reveal your beloved girlfriend. You forced your way through the door immediately and clung onto her for dear life. "Please, close the door! I think someone's following me," You sobbed into her chest.

"Shh, hey it's okay. I'm right here, everything is gonna be fine." Wanda spoke softly as she stroked the back of your neck. She swayed you back and forth until you calmed down enough to speak. It wasn't planned that Pietro would scare you that much, but getting the chance to coddle you wouldn't be passed up by her for any reason at all.

Just as she'd hoped, Brunhilde came stumbling out of her bedroom with a bat in hand. "What the hell's going on out there," She asked harshly. Her demeanor softened immediately.

"They said someone was following them," Wanda said, still holding you close to her chest.

It was rare to see you so shaken up by anything. By no means were you a soldier, but you looked absolutely terrified. She glanced up at Wanda, as if waiting for confirmation of sorts. "I'll go check if they're still outside. You two stay here," Brunhilde instructed before slipping on some shoes and speeding outside. It wasn't likely to be a successful search, but maybe she'd find something. A hat, their keys, something to identify that freak.

The thought of letting Brunhilde run out there by herself somehow scared you more than being hurt yourself. You attempted to push away from Wanda but she pulled you back with ease. "Wanda, I can't just let her walk around there by herself."

In any other situation, she would've been endeared by your determination to protect your friends. Right now, she was just frustrated. "Sweetheart, you're shaking. If you don't want Valk out there by herself, I'll help her look but I need you to calm down." She grabbed your wrist and raised it up so you could stop pushing against her. It's firm, but grounded you in a way. Without any effort at all, Wanda guided you to sit on the couch. "Now tell me what happened."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and scouted impossibly closer to your girlfriend. "They —I don't know who — were following and, and I thought if I ignored them that they'd leave me alone! But today they ran after me and I was so scared and I'm sorry I couldn't think of what else to do!" Before you knew it, you were back to sobbing. The only thing that brought you comfort was Wanda. Her smell, her touch, her voice. She was all you needed at that moment. "I should've changed shifts after the first night, I'm sorry."

Wanda froze. Sure, it was just an elaborate scheme, but there was no reason for you to be thinking like that. "Hey, don't say that," She whispered and cupped your chin. "I'll pick you up from work and then we'll figure it out from there." She kissed your forehead and pulled you into your lap. Wanda already had a plan. She'd pick you up from work a few times and then convince you to drop that shitty job and depend on her. It hurt to see you so upset, but how else could you be taught all you needed was her?

Eventually, Brunhilde came back and you settled down. Wanda insisted you spend the night with her. You were a little embarrassed at first, ashamed to seem weak and codependent. But the way Wanda guided you to the bathroom and helped you get ready for bed was addictive. Being coaxed into the land of dreams with her arms tightly wrapped around you and your head buried into her chest was like heaven. You felt safe.

"I want you to take my virginity."

Wanda's eyes nearly popped out of her skull. "Like, right now..?"

"No, I mean if you want to…no, not right now, but when you want to."

You could feel Wanda's eyes boring into your soul. Even in the pitch black darkness you knew exactly how she was looking at you. With those blown out pupils that hid all the jade green in her eyes and them look like endless pools of blood. If you looked close enough, you could even catch the way her breath would become unsteady. She looked like a predator, and you were happy to be her prey.

∞

It had been weeks since you saw that look again and you missed it. You knew Wanda was hiding it from you. Even if you couldn't see her face, you could feel other things. The way her chest rose and fell with such instability. How her hands would grip your waist or venture almost too high. That unmoving bulge in her pants you were sure she was pushing against you on purpose.

For a moment, you considered just throwing yourself at her. Letting Wanda use you anyway she saw fit for as long as she wanted. If that wouldn't work, then you'd beg. Give her those puppy dog eyes she'd never say no to and whine about the ache growing between your legs. Fortunately, someone else pushed Wanda over the edge for you.

You don't know what happened exactly. One moment Natasha and Wanda were having a seemingly normal conversation. Then they just weren't. Silence fell over the entire party and Wanda dragged you out to her car before you could ask any questions. Even on the drive from Tony's house, Wanda stayed dead quiet. The only comfort you received was the possessive hand placed on your upper thigh.

"I had this whole date planned out, but no, your slutty little friend can't keep her hands to herself," Wanda grumbled bitterly as she dragged up to her dorm. "You're mine, I own you, and no one else can fucking have you!" Her grip was gentle despite her irritation. You weren't the problem. Natasha was. That girl had been a thorn in Wanda's side since the day they'd met. Natasha was always in the way. If she weren't your friend, Wanda would've handled her by now. Beaten, stabbed, and dismembered — internally out of the picture, but you cared about her too much.

Wanda swiftly lifted you onto the bed and pulled your ass flush against her hips. "I know I promised we'd be super romantic and I still want to, but I can't wait anymore." Her words sounded desperate and upset, but her eyes revealed true intentions. That look. You missed it so much. "I promise I'll make it up to you, I just need you. Right now."

The way her hands moved over your body was driving you mad. As if you were nothing more than the world's finest porcelain and would break at the slightest jolt. "Yeah, that's okay," You rushed out. Words couldn't describe how good it felt having Wanda's lips on yours. So warm and inviting and absolutely smothering yours. Yet, still somehow gentle. A shiver ran up your body as her hands went lower to unbutton your jeans. Without meaning to, your hips bucked forward. "Oh god, I'm sorry — I didn't mean to!"

A strangled breath made its way through Wanda's nostrils. Controlling herself was near impossible when you made noises like that. "No, no, it's okay. Just do what feels good," She said softly. "This is about what you want, I'm just here to give it to you." Undressing you was easy. She watched you do it yourself every night through cameras you were far too busy to notice. Wanda knew what you liked. How you couldn't get more than one finger inside yourself. The way you tortured yourself with unskilled hands. You could be so cruel to yourself sometimes, but it didn't matter now because she was there to make up for it.

Being naked in front of Wanda was embarrassing enough. It was only made worse by how Wanda had been completely dressed. "Can you take something off, please?" You reached for Wanda's shirt only for your hand to be swatted away.

"I don't need to be naked if I'm taking care of you." Wanda dropped to her knees and spread your legs before you could protest. She couldn't help but moan at the wetness between your legs. Her thumb slowly slid over the wet spot in your under as she littered kisses over your unclaimed thighs. "God, you look so perfect for me." She wanted you, she wanted you and nothing else in the world could make up for it. She wanted to have you collared, bred up, and bitten. That night, she just settled for stretching you out. She teased and praised until you had soaked through your underwear and were desperate for touch. "I think my baby's ready."

Your stomachs fluttered at the sound of her voice. Husky and desperate to have you. "I can take it…I promise." Even with the wetness that soaked Wanda's bed sheets and your thighs, she only gave you one finger. Slow and deep, careful not to break you — but you want to be broken. Your hips rolled forward, but were pinned down this time. A whine escaped your lips. "I thought this was about what I want? You just said I was ready!"

Wanda chuckled darkly at your brattiness. Still smart-mouthed and untrained. "I know what my baby needs, just relax." It felt like an eternity before Wanda graced you with a second of her long fingers. Still just as slow, but closer to what you wanted. They spread apart inside you without warning and Wanda was quick to note your whimpering. "See? It'll hurt if we go too fast. I don't wanna hurt you."

"What if I want it to hurt?"

There it was. That look. Dark, unhinged, and unfiltered. It made your walls clench around your lover's fingers. You hadn't a clue what Wanda was capable of but you wanted to see it so bad.

"Okay, fine." If you wanted rough, she could certainly give it to you. Wanda pulled her fingers out of your cunt and promptly shoved them into your throat. "Go on, suck. Show me the slut you wanna be so bad," She barked out as she began thrusting her soaking digits into your throat. It should've taken a lot more to break her restraint, but she was truly tired of waiting. "Oh, don't cry now. You wanted it rough!"

You gagged and drooled around Wanda's fingers, but you couldn't have been happier. To have Wanda staking her claim over you was a feeling like no other. Even as your lungs burned for oxygen, you focused only on Wanda's approval. You were more than a little disappointed when her fingers left your mouth without any hint of approval. "No, I can do better just- ah!" You flinched when the three of Wanda's spit covered fingers came down harsh against your clit. "Fuck, okay, sorry. I'm sorry."

Three of her fingers slipped into your cunt. All the softness she started with had disappeared and she was fucking you without restraint. "You're making such a mess, do you like it when I claim you? Because I love fucking you like this." Her fingers pushed further into you with every word she spoke. She had you. Your walls fluttered and clenched as she continued to pound into you. "Go ahead, cum. Cum so I can ruin this pussy and make it mine."

You let a near pornographic moan before releasing on to Wanda's hand. You didn't care about the wetness leaking from your cunt and onto Wanda's fingers, nor the fact Brunhilde may have still been in the dorm, not even the risk of being walked in by the RA could've stopped you from wanting Wanda. "More, please just one more. That's all I need…I swear."

Wanda eased her fingers out of you and placed them into her mouth. She made a show licking them clean. Groaning and rolling her eyes back as her tongue lapped up the juices on her fingers and palm. Her eyes made their way down to the sopping mess between your legs. Sensitive, puffy, and just begging to be bred. It wasn't fair, really. She was trying her best to control herself and you just seemed so adamant about destroying that. "I'm gonna put a baby in you."

Normally, you'd freak out. You both were far too young to be parents and even if you weren't — Wanda couldn't put one in you even if she wanted. However, the thought of it alone was enough to get you worked up again. You watched as Wanda got off the bed and dug through her closet. It took you a few moments to realize what she was getting. "Is it big?"

"Bigger than my fingers, that's for sure."

You groaned out in response.

That strap on was the start of a rather addictive problem, but neither of you knew that just yet. What you did know was that being stretched out felt amazing. The heaviness of Wanda's hips pushing the silicone toy deeper and deeper inside of you was heavenly. You knew Wanda was strong, but you never really got to see how much.

Strong enough to lift you up and force you to ride her strap it seemed. You were appreciative of it though. Being wrapped up in her arms and fucked senseless was amazing. The feeling of her muscles tensing and relaxing as they moved you over her dick was enough to send you into climax itself. "Fuck, Wanda!" You could feel your second orgasm coming up again but you weren't ready to end it just yet. Without thinking, you bit down on Wanda's shoulder and dug your fingernails into the side of her forearm.

"Fuck," Wanda moaned out and stopped for a second. Suddenly, the throb between her legs was a bit too much to ignore. "God, you really know how to fuck me up, don't you," She husked out the question and began rutting up into you. Her fingers tangled into your hair and forced you to bite back down on her shoulder. "That feels so good, keep it up."

Your teeth dug into Wanda's skin and enjoyed its salty taste. You fought hard to keep your orgasm at bay. Convinced yourself that if you held off, there'd be some reward for lasting so long. Unfortunately, Wanda had other plans in mind.

"I can't wait anymore sweetheart, I need my babies in you." She whispered so softly, you almost missed it. You didn't even have time to question what she meant before something sticky began coating your walls. The feeling alone was enough to send you flying into your orgasm. "God, look at you. Your tummy is getting so full," She whispered and pushed against the bulge forming in your lower abdomen. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head when you bit into neck to keep yourself grounded.

Your hands clawed at Wanda's back and didn't stop until you came down from your high. All you could do was slouch against your girlfriend and hope she hasn't gone as limp as you did. For a moment, you stayed silent. Incapable of thought and entirely unsure of what to say. "Can I…can we stay like this? I like being full," You confessed with a voice you barely had. The confession made you bashful, but you were desperate to keep Wanda inside you.

Wanda gently rubbed your back. "We can stay here as long as you need." She slowly laid back, careful to move the strap only when she needed to. A satisfied sigh escaped her lips feeling the weight of your body on top of her. Her neck and back burned and would probably burn into the next day, but none of that mattered to her. She had you and that's all she ever needed. Natasha couldn't take you away from her and you'd never leave her. You'd be hers forever.

Whether you wanted to or not.

[shelbgrey]

Being in a love triangle with Dean and Cas

Paring: Dean winchester x reader x Castile (not destile!)

Summary: headcanons about an angel and a hunter fall in love with you.

A/n: this won the newest voting thing :)

MasterList

“They're both in love with her” Sam sighed.

“my money is on Dean” Bobby said drinking his beer.

Okay... So, get ready for every single thing to be a contest. they're both extremely stubborn and even the simplest of things will be turned into a competition of who can do it better, even if Cas doesn't understand.

Since Cas is clueless about most human actions, he usually tries to copy Dean but ends up doing it in a more goofy or messed up way.

Cas wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, he's your Gardian Angel and the rules in heaven are pretty strict. He couldn't help but fall in love with your compassion and goofy personality.

You and Dean had always been on and off, he deeply cares about you and would even say he loves you, but with you both being hunters he's always afraid to lose you or he thinks he's not good enough.

Cas didn't know how to handle the feeling he's never had to deal with, every time he'd see Dean put his arm on you or flirt with you, cas would feel his fist clinch and he'd get so angry.

“I don't know what's wrong with me, my chest is heaving and... I just feel so pissed” Cas said to Sam one day.

“your either jealous or...” Sam stoped. “your not in love with y/n, are you?”

Cas didn't know, but he realized his change in adatued and thoughts. As your Gardian Angel he'd would often go with you to protect you beacuse that was his job, now he would literally push Dean to the side to go on a hunt with you.

Remember when I said you and Dean would often be off and on again? Well Cass has seen two break-ups, and this would be the only time he'd put his feelings aside. He's your best friend and he dose know when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Anyway, Dean would catch on quickly, he cares about Cas but he cares about you more. So challenge accepted.

He wasn't gonna lose you to a baby in a trench coat.

Dean is often very forward and flirty, you were used to his complements and dirty jokes. But when he realized he could use you to Cas he'd turn up the flirting to 100%, which would often make you uncomfortable... You weren't used to him acting like that.

But underneath all the flirting, he's genuine and what he's saying is true.

Suprisenly Cas would become very charming. He wears his heart on his sleeve. He loves he can easily express himself around you and learn about human life without being judged.

I also think Cas is good at knowing when to pump the brakes if he ever steps a line or goes too far. Dean sometimes doesn't and sometimes he forgets that he doesn't need to use the same tactics he used to use bar girls.

If you get hurt Cas will warp his coat around you and heal you up, if it's really bad Cas and Dean will literally start arguing.

One time it got so bad you probably wouldn't still be in this damn triangle if Sam didn't take you to the hospital.

That's when they realized that they really need to put their differences aside, it wasn't just about them, it was about you too.

“she means everything to me... I want her to be happy” Dean says to Sam. “and what if she's chooses Cas?”

“she won't... Just because he's her guardian angel doesn't mean he can make her happy”

Dean was so scared to lose you while Cass just didn't know how to express himself, there been many opportunities for Cas but he'd always chicken out.

What you hated most about this whole situation is that Cas and Dean were turning on each other. You knew they were best friends and you couldn't help but think this, no girl is worth losing your best friend over.

As it went on you got more and more attention, you didn't want that. Then Sam and Bobby's secret poll only grew more bets as time went on.

Jack was so confused, he saw you as a mom and Cas as his dad. So he really just wants you two to be together. He watched the parent trap and used some of the tactics, Sam gently told him to stay out of it.

If Dean would make you a mix tape, Cas would find an even more romantic gesture. During the time you and Dean did date he learned that you were a simple girl and didn't like fancy stuff.

Cas would go to Sam or Jody for advice. Sam would suggest flowers, expensive places while Jody would remind him to just be himself and remember the stuff your actually interested in.

He's been your Gardian Angel for years, so he knows your likes and dislikes. He was so happy when he found a copy of a novel you've been surching for, he loved the feeling of you wrapping your arms around him and cheering that you finally got the book.

“thank you Cas, your the best!”

Gabriel, who liked to stir the pot in the situation was on cas' side. He would sometimes mess somthing up for one of them or just watch one of their planes fail. This was a better love story than twilight in his opinion.

One day Cas found a ring in Dean's room, it's literally not what you guys think. Dean was his mom's and he just wanted to look at it.

Cas watched enough movies with you and thought it was an engagement ring. He felt his heart pounded, he also relized he's watched way too much TV with you. He remembered watching Grey's anatomy with you, he remembered you crying with Mark Sloan died and gave his 'if you love someone' speach.

“I wish I could experience that... A guy not caring about the consequences and just expressing he loves someone” you told him way back when.

That's when he had enough, he didn't care if Dean was there or not he's was gonna tell you. “I love you y/n... I love everything about you, even things I don't understand... I still love”

He told you to think everything through. As much as he loved you, he didn't want you making any hasty decisions or let what he said cloud your mind.

A couple of days later, Dean came to you with the same heart filled love speach after a rough hunt. “I love you... I know I don't show it much or express it, but belive me when I say your the best thing that's ever happened to me”

You had so much to think about and during that time you never felt so overwhelmed, your heart would always pound when you thought about them.

You spent almost three nights just laying awake in bed thinking about them, there was logic and there was reason.

The logical choice would be Dean, you could grow old with him and have a family. After Jack, Cas was terrified to have children with a human. Just because Dean was haman didn't make it a logical choice, but you guys been through so much. There been many night you guys spent patching up wounded parts of your bodies or cleaning up blood after a hunt.

Logically, Cas would be safer. Castile can protect you and heal you with just a brush of his thumb. Just because he was clueless doesn't mean he didn't know how to make a woman's heart pound in the best way possible. Cas knew your deepest fears and kept secrets for years, he knew everything about you.

Positive reasons would bring up the way Dean would make you laugh. Or how he could make you smile no matter how mad you were.

You though about how warm his bear hugs were and how good he smelled.

Dean was a worrior and he would take a bullet for you. You were always his main priority and you never felt that with someone before him.

Even if he didn't know how to interact with humans, he knew how to take care of you. He knew when you need to talk or need a hug. He would catch on to your Quirks, like how you'll nibble on your lip when your doing research or reading.

He'd notice the little wrinks on your forehead when your mad or laughing. He'd know all your different smiles and the meanings of them.

You love whem you hug him you'd feel his wings wrap around you.

What you might not know is Cas would give up immortality for you, he'd become human if it meant spending What humans thought forever was.

“I don't know what to do Sammy” you sighed.

“stop using your brain, what dose your heart say?” he asked. “you'll know the right decision when the time comes”

The next day you took a deep breath and walked down the bunker hallway, Cas and Dean's were right across from each other. Dean's door was beaten up and had band stickers on it. Cas was newer and had 'Cas' place' carved in it.

If you chose Castile:

If you chose him, you didn't go directly to him. You knew he was the one you just didn't know how to do it. When you finally got the courage, Sam interrupted with a paranormal case.

It was hard, you got whipped around like crazy and thrown through windows, the vengeful spirit wasn't gonna let up.

The spirit through your blade at you and it went straight to the gut. You were already bleeding and weak, so this wasn't helping.

You crumbed in Castile's arms and he started to panic. He used his trench coat to applie presher to your wounds.

“Sam! Dean! Help me!”

You coughed and placed your hand on his cheek making him look at you. His watery blue eyes looked at you with so much panic.

You smiled and pulled him closer to you. “I love you Cas... So much”

“I love you too... Hold still, I got you” he placed his lips on yours while his hands healed all your cuts and bruises.

Side note... You also adopt Jack, he finally had parents and he couldn't be happier.

-a week later...

“Balls! I lost $200” Bobby grumbled, you gave the boys a questioning look.

“you beted on us?” you asked Sam, He shrugged. “hey, at least you got $600 for your honeymoon” Sam joked, you took the notebook with all the bets written down and hit him in the head.

If you chose Dean:

You knocked on his door, he when whipped it open a smile immediately formed on his face. “hey, sweetheart”

“can we talk?” you asked softly. Dean nodded as his heart pounded, he didn't know what to expect.

“if this this about what I sa-”

“I love you” you said cutting him off.

He pulled you to his chest and immediately slammed his lips on yours, he pulled away and rested his forehead on yours. “thank God... I love you too”

[thisapplepielife]

Written for the @steddieholidaydrabbles December challenge.

Best Part of the Day

Prompt Day 17: Platonic Stobin | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: None | Tags: S4, Platonic Stobin, Ride to School, Pre-Steddie

Steve honks the horn, and sips from his mug of coffee. It won't fit in his cup holder, so he has to rest it on his thigh. He honks again, and a minute later Robin rushes out of the front door of her house, towards his waiting car.

Arms flailing, she screams, "Hold on, I'm coming!" 

It makes Steve chuckle. She's the one about to be late to school, not him. He's graduated. Family Video doesn't open for another two plus hours. He's got plenty of time to kill this morning, but he knows she doesn't want the tardy. He knows her like the back of his hand. The front of his hand? 

His whole hand. For sure.

Robin fumbles with the trunk, and he watches as she unlocks it. It was just easier to give her the damn spare key instead of him having to get out every morning and unlock it.

She finally piles into the front seat, with a huff, "What are we waiting for? You're gonna make me late, dingus!"

He rolls his eyes.

"Good morning to you, too," he says, handing her his mug of coffee. He might as well. She's gonna take it from him, sooner or later. She always does. He opens the console, and hands her the bagel that he's wrapped in a paper towel, before leaning to look back over his shoulder, reversing them back onto the street. 

He glances at her out of the corner of his eye, and she's alternating between drinking coffee, and eating the bagel. Getting sesame seeds all over the floor mat. He'll have to stop by the car wash and vacuum it after he drops her off.

"There's an away game tonight," she says, done with the bagel, and now holding his coffee in one hand, putting her mascara on with the other. He watches, not sure how she's doing it one-handed.

"Yeah, the kids have told me a thousand times, like I've somehow suddenly forgotten how a basketball schedule works since graduating," Steve says, annoyed.

"I have to ride the activity bus to the game, but if you can forge me a note again, I'll ride home with you. Dibs on the front seat," she says.

Steve laughs. He's been roped into taking Dustin, Mike and Max, and Dustin's gonna hate that she's called dibs, but fair is fair. Dustin can have the front seat on the way to Hartford City. 

They head down the highway, and Robin tells him about her morning. He nods, listens, and analyzes more about Vickie than he ever imagined possible. It's a ritual at this point. She pines. He gives advice she won't take.

They argue. They banter. 

Rinse, repeat. 

Day after day, morning after morning.

But it's often the best part of his day.

He's trying to explain exactly why she should just go for it, when Steve catches movement out of the corner of his eye, and realizes they're about to be broadsided by a van, that as far as Steve can tell, has no driver.

Steve slams on the brakes, stopping short as the van whips onto the highway from a side road, cutting him off. The driver's head just barely popping into view, mere seconds before he needed to make the turn.

"Watch it, asshole!" Steve screams, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. 

"Uh, Steve?" Robin says, and he turns to look at her, and she's wearing the coffee. Brown splotches staining her white blouse, running all over his leather seats. 

"Are you hurt? Did you get burned?" he asks, patting her arm down, like that'll help.

"Well, it doesn't feel great! But I think I'll live," she says. "But I don't have time to go back home and change, I'm going to be so late. Detention for me, yay," she says sarcastically.

"Take off your shirt," Steve says, and she cuts him a look, "Not like that, Jesus, Robin. I don't want to see your boobies."

He snaps his fingers, and gives her the hurry up motion.

So, she does, and he takes off his shirt, too, and stretches his hand out to offer it to her. She takes it, and slips it over her head. It's too big, but she says she doesn't care, because that's the style, apparently.

"Thanks, dingus," she says, and he slides his arms back through the holes of his vest. No shirt underneath. He looks ridiculous.

At the school, they both get out, and Robin digs out her notepad, and turns around. Steve lays the notebook on her back, and writes the note, forging Mrs. Buckley's signature to get Robin off the activity bus on the way home. 

"There, done," he says, swatting her on the back with the notebook, and she takes it and rushes towards the building, turning back towards him.

"Thanks, Steve! See you tonight!" she yells and then she turns and runs away from the parking lot faster.

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters, but he smiles as she goes.

"Nice fashion statement, Harrington," Eddie Munson interrupts, as he climbs out of the same goddamn van that caused this whole problem in the first place. He should have known Eddie "The Freak" Munson was involved.

Steve looks down at his bare chest.

"Well, I had a shirt until you cut us off and Robin spilled coffee all over herself," Steve snaps.

"I don't know what you're talking about, that doesn't sound like me at all. I'm a great driver," Eddie says, digging around and coming up with a black, metal lunchbox.

His drugs. Steve knows all about Eddie, and his dealing business.

"Yeah, sure you are," Steve snips, turning to get into the driver's seat. He has no interest in engaging with Eddie Munson at ten 'til eight in the morning. No goddamn way.

"Nice to see you, King Steve," Eddie snarks, walking awfully slowly towards the school for someone that nearly ran them off the road to get here today.

What a dickhead.

Notes: Eddie definitely saw Steve in that no-shirt/vest combo and when presented with the opportunity to see it again in the Upside Down, and in his own vest no less, he took it, lol.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddieholidaydrabbles and follow along with the fun!

If you want to see more of my entries into this month-long challenge, you can check them out in my Steddie Holiday Drabbles tag, right here!

[rumriverautos]

Wondering what does a brake service include? The brake repair experts at Rum River Automotive will be happy to answer your questions.

[cannonauto]

Are you wondering how often should you get your brakes changed? Ask the brake repair specialists at Cannon Auto Repair for professional advice.

[garysautorepair]

Wondering how do you know when your brakes need replacing? Ask the professionals at Gary's Quality Automotive about replacing the brake pads.

[puleosauto]

Wondering how often do you need brakes replaced?  Ask the experts at Puleo's Auto Clinic for more information about brake repair services.

[petit-papillion]

I find that analysts from all countries often have too much regency bias or favorites bias and Charles doesn’t really have an analyst in his corner like that (maybe because there isn’t a Monegasque broadcasting service). Like people praise Max all the time now (rightly so ofc) but have forgotten that he made countless of mistakes in his earlier years of F1, even in his first championship year he still made mistakes. Yet somehow analysts never contributed that to “weak mental state”. Charles has made similar/the same mistakes as Max but somehow in his case it’s because he’s “not tough enough” just because Charles is ingrained with the Ferrari mindset of don’t let anything bad show to the outside world. Like that is the other side of the coin of working for Ferrari, you can’t show your frustrations with the team to the outside world like Max and Lewis can, but that doesn’t make him weak. I think people really underestimate Charles. Like 15 (?) yo Charles who after a pr training went up to the journalist and said “that was a stupid question because I would never be 2nd to my teammate”, etc. I can’t wait for Lewis to show up and for Charles to let (once again) show how good he is. He did it once with 4 time world champ Seb, he can do it again to Lewis.

Well, we do have this journalist in our corner:

"But a driver that possesses the special innate talent that Leclerc has will always abandon every element of caution when the upside to getting it right can be so prosperous, and he had every reason to back his chances after the success he had enjoyed only the previous weekend.

Throughout his F1 career, Leclerc has always been characterised as a competitor that is willing to leave no stone unturned in order to chase unlikely feats – no matter how slim the chances may appear from the outset.

Coupled with his aggressive driving style of preferring a pointy front end that he uses to chuck a car into corners alongside a dynamic use of the brake and throttle pedals, his preparedness to take more risks than other drivers runs a higher danger of him overstepping the mark.

However, that approach is not the sign of an aggressive, hot-headed driver that is struggling to define the limit, but rather one that is pursuing perfection and striving to extract the maximum from himself that sometimes certain cars are physically incapable of producing such demands.

Although Leclerc’s declaration he would be unwilling to change his driving style might ring sudden alarm bells of a driver that is too stubborn to change his ways, he has ample reason to back his outlook on matters. There’s previous evidence that with a competitive and compliant car, his mistakes drastically reduce in number. When Ferrari had a package that was both benign in its balance and capable of running at the front on pure pace at the start of 2022 Leclerc was able to rattle off six pole positions in eight qualifying sessions untroubled."

This was post-Miami 2023 when Charles was being crucified left and right for binning his car and being mistake-prone, yet he had done superbly in Baku the race before. Read the whole article here:

I agree with you: too many people underestimate Charles. While I think the world of Lewis, and hope he does really well at Ferrari, I hope Charles does better and he will be able to turn this "he's too nice/weak/whatever" narrative around. Because I don't want him to change his personality one bit as far as how he treats people around him, nor his attitude of giving it everything when he's out on track.

[sysmedsaresexist]

A note about the shame "criteria"

I think a lot of people get a little confused about what kind of shame is in question

It's not what you think

Understanding Shame - And so the purpose of shame is actually survival: shame teaches us to avoid behaviours that would see us excluded from the group. And shame puts the brake on behaviours that provoke more attack.

Trauma survivors have (typically) spent their entire lives being disregarded, ignored, disbelieved. It's very normal for survivors to feel out of place, misunderstood, and very, very alone.

They often do their best to minimize their symptoms and act like things are better than they are, typically refusing to seek or accept help, they often blame themselves for the things that happened to them (as children, no less), they're often embarrassed admitting that those things happened, and talking about specifics can be so upsetting and you can't help but hate yourself for not being stronger.

Shame comes in so many flavours... Attack self is a huge one. Withdrawal. Avoidance.

Maybe you were frequently called out in front of the class for severe dissociation daydreaming-- now you're afraid of having any kind of attention on you, and you really wish your partner would stop looking at you like that, why are they looking at you, something hurts but you don't know what

Maybe because of how often you were called out, you tried to ask for help but were told that you're overreacting, things aren't that bad, you should be more grateful, and now you're embarrassed and really don't want to tell your new therapist how much you're actually struggling, because she might think you're lying, and you probably are just making a big deal out of nothing

Maybe you struggle to pay attention to your best friend venting to you because Dissociation™️, and that's clearly your fault, you're the problem in the friendship-- but then again, haven't you always been the problem?

Maybe you struggle with relationships-- sex is painful after what happened, and you haven't found a partner patient enough to figure it out-- you're giving up hope that anyone could love you

Maybe one of your alters absolutely lost it on a very good friend, and now you have to deal with the consequences without telling them too much about what's really going on, but at this point they're suspicious and they're telling all your other friends you're crazy. Maybe you are?

Maybe you opened up to someone you thought you could trust, but the look in their eyes has you backpedaling, wishing you had never opened your mouth-- you desperately hope nothing will change between you two, and you know better now

Maybe you're ashamed that you're a system because the media says that's fucked up, what happened to you was fucked up, and all your individual budding symptoms of DID were scrutinized and corrected and disciplined and pushed aside that by the time you realized what was happening, you already knew better than to talk about it

Or maybe you just feel ashamed because you love your system, the terrible gift left behind after your experiences

If you can relate to this, these are all forms of distress, dysfunction, and shame, and they are totally normal and understandable. They count. It doesn't need to be hating your system. It doesn't need to embarrassment.

And shame doesn't need to define you.

Mandatory reading/watching

Starting with positivity:

What if shame is nothing to be ashamed of … but instead is the hero in our story?

The most accurate depiction of shame I've ever read

What do you need? - Shame in therapy

The Differences in Dissociation Triggered by Shame and Terror – and How to Work with Each - A clinician's take on shame

[pinkskytwst]

SYMBIOTES

Octavinelle - (Octatrio/Prefect Romantic Poly)

As often as the Prefect worked at Mostro Lounge, they spent just as much time in Octavinelle just hanging out or studying. They might have had one of the smartest and clever lovers in NRC at their beck and call, but that didn’t mean they could have Azul take their tests for them. That meant that when they weren’t spending time with the other first years in Ramshackle or various clubs, they could typically be found in Azul’s office – whether that be bent over the coffee table with stacks of text books or sprawled out on one of the couches together with Floyd and Grim enjoying a movie on their phone.

That night was study night, however, as a unit test was going to be given on not just Alchemy but also Potions and Astrology within the next couple of days. Alchemy and Potions were the easier of the two – even though they weren’t actually all that easy when they had to learn at least fifteen years of basic background knowledge that the other students all absorbed during grade school – but Astrology was the bane of their existence. It was vague and dependent on so many different variables that they had to understand at least ten different aspects of what they were trying to figure out before they could even begin to decode the answer.

What kind of subject made you figure out the QUESTIONS as well as the ANSWERS!?

It’s only saving grace was that they didn’t have to actually be able to use magic to do it and so their grade would be counted on it’s own merit instead of lumped in together with Grim like some of the other subjects.

It didn’t make it any easier to remember how this or that constellation could mean this or that influence on this or that kind of event but ONLY if these certain criteria were met and if the criteria wasn’t met it meant something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Not to mention you had to take the ‘star signs’, ‘sun signs’, and ‘moon signs’ of not only the person you’re seeing for but also YOUR OWN because of COURSE your celestial markers effect how the ‘messages’ could be read.

“Ugggggh.” They groaned, dropping their head onto their arms. “I feel like my brain melted and is going to leak out my ears.”

Jade glanced up from where he was seated across from them on the other sofa, legs crossed and poised as ever while the human felt like a withered gremlin that hadn’t seen the sun in years. His lips spread into an amused grin, but his eyes were rather soft as he set aside the books to reach out and pour the other a fresh cup of tea.

“Aw, does Koebi-chan need a cuddle brake?” Floyd teased from beside them on the floor where he was also using the coffee table for writing and the sofa behind them for a backrest.

Grim had long ago fallen asleep on his own book, stretched out and snoring softly. He was so cute and he had honestly been attempting to focus on studying for a while so the Prefect didn’t have the heart to wake him.

“I need a new brain.” They grumbled, allowing themself to be tugged closer and into Floyd’s lap, going limp and not even caring as their tactile lover had fun curling around their docile form. “Think Azul could make a deal with me for one? I don’t even need a luxury one, a discount brain would be better than what I’m working with now.”

Jade couldn’t help chuckling and slid the cup and saucer closer to the two for them to take.

“I apologize, angelfish, but our dear Azul isn’t in the business of human organ trafficking.” He said with ‘regret’ in his tone.

The Prefect peeked one eye open at him from where they were smooshed against Floyd’s shoulder.

“He’s in the business of NON-human organ trafficking?” they asked dryly, feeling Floyd cackle against the back of their neck.

Jade’s smile didn’t change but he didn’t answer the question either.

“Is there something that might help you besides tea?” he asked instead. “I wouldn’t mind making a snack. Azul should be getting back soon from club with Idia. Something to eat may be of benefit to your energy levels.” He said, checking his watch.

The Prefect just groaned again and nudged Floyd until they could move enough to reach out and take the drink and start sipping at the lightly steaming liquid.

“No, don’t think I can handle eating anything right now.” They admitted with a soft sigh, letting their head fall against Floyd’s shoulder once more. “I’ve been dealing with a headache since yesterday and it’s kind of making the thought of food the absolute worst right now.”

Jade’s brow furrowed at that and he stood to make his way around the coffee table and kneel beside them on the floor.

“You took medicine when you first arrived, though, yes?” he asked, though it was more confirming since he specifically remembered them asking for a soda to make the pills go down easier. “It has been at least two hours since then. It should certainly have worked to reduce your pain by now if not get rid of it completely.”

He reached out to brush some of their lover’s hair from their face and gently check their temperature with his wrist. Merfolk might have had lower body temperatures than humans but he was familiar enough with the Prefect’s normal vitals to know that if they had a fever it was a very small one.

 “It’s alright, I’m pretty prone to headaches and migraines.” They admitted, leaning into his touch before draining the rest of the tea and letting Floyd set it back down on the table. “Stress can cause them, bright lights too. I’ll be alright after some sleep.” They assured the brothers.

“It is hardly alright if you’re in pain.” Jade pointed out firmly. “I know human bodies are not the same as merfolk but I doubt prolonged periods of pain are healthy.”

The Prefect shrugged a little. “There’s nothing really I can do about it. It probably won’t go away until after I’ve had a chance to chill and recover from the tests and I can’t exactly stop studying when I’m trying to keep my grades at an acceptable level.”

“Azul can make a potion for you.” Floyd said, his expression and tone missing the humor from before. “He’s like, the best at those besides maybe the seastar.”

Their lover shrugged slightly. “Yeah but I’ve had a few of those already and I don’t think I can take any more today.”

“What?” Jade said sharply, eyes narrowing. “You mean to tell me that you have consumed so many potions for pain that you can safely take no more and you DID NOT TELL US and proceeded to spend multiple hours here doing precisely what could make it WORSE?”

The Prefect blinked at the sudden vitriol in the eelmer’s voice along with the tension that had shot through Floyd’s hold on them.

“I mean, it’s really not that big of a deal. I have them all the time.” They insisted, nudging Floyd until the taller male reluctantly allowed them to stand, quickly following. “It’ll go away eventually and then-“

Jade’s hands snapped out to grab their arms just in time to catch them when they stumbled. The color drained from their face and the two instantly guided them to sit on the couch.

“Koebi-chan!” Floyd fretted, his hands worryingly gentle as he was always afraid he was going to accidentally harm their human when they were hurt or sick.

“Floyd, go get some water and a cold compress.” Jade said seriously, ignoring when the Prefect tried to wave their hands at them.

“Guys, stop, I’m fine!”

Of course, their words were undercut by the sudden, warm crimson that began trickling from their nose and over their lips.

Floyd made a strangled noise and vaulted over the back of the couch to hurry out towards the kitchen.

Jade’s eyes narrowed and he kept a supportive hand on their back while tugging a handkerchief from his pocket pressing it to their nose.

The Prefect blinked up at him a bit sheepishly.

“Okay, so maybe I over did it a little.” They said weakly, trying to joke off the intensity of the Vice-Housewarden but Jade’s gaze only hardened.

“I believe the word you were attempting to find is actually: ‘foolishly’ or perhaps ‘carelessly’.” He answered in a cold tone that made them flinch a little, a clear indicator that he was not going to be letting them off easily.

Thankfully, Floyd returned a moment later with a glass of water, a cold compress, and tissues that he quickly shoved onto his brother as he took their lover’s other side once more.

“Koebi-chan is in a lot of trouble.” He said darkly, though his hands unendingly gentle. “Koebi-chan should have told us they were feeling like shit.”

The Prefect gave a small, muffled sigh behind the handkerchief. “Sorry.”

A frustrated look flickered over Floyd’s face, however, and he made sure to support them as Jade began pulling out tissues to replace the silk that was already starting to bleed through. They repeated the apology again when they saw the expensive accessory now a red stained wad in their hand.

“It is a bit of fabric, dearest, nothing more. What is important is ensuring that you rest and recover.” He said firmly.

“Don’t apologize when WE should have noticed. We’re your symbiotes after all.” Floyd muttered angrily to himself.

“It’s really not your fault, guys.” They said softly.

“Floyd, if you don’t mind, please text Azul and notify him that we will be having a sleep over tonight and to return if he hasn’t already left the board games club.” Jade said, ignoring their words as they continued to help hold the tissues to their nose and then pass them the glass of water to sip at for a moment.

“Got it.” Floyd said, pulling out his phone with one hand and sending a quick message to their other lover while Jade gathered the Prefect into his arms.

“Please bring Grim as well once you’ve notified him. Angelfish will likely need something to eat that is easy on their stomach also if you would see to that while I settle them in our room.”

Floyd nodded, bustling around to do what his brother suggested as Jade carried the Prefect from the Lounge into the Octavinelle dorm proper and to the room that the twins shared.

“Aa…I’m kind of in trouble, aren’t I?” they muttered as Jade used his magic to open their door and carry them inside towards the large bed that had replaced the two twin ones that had originally been there.

“Dearest, you are our partner, not a child.” He said with a small sigh. “But, yes, you are indeed in trouble.”

The Prefect gave a small snort as he set them gently down on the bed and made sure they were steady enough to sit on their own before turning and starting to gather the extra sleep clothes for them that had ‘conveniently appeared’ for their first time staying the night. He helped them change out of the uniform, tossing them into the laundry basket to take care of later.

Jade was adept at removing blood from clothes now, after all.

“Be prepared for Azul to fuss and this time I will not be rescuing you.” He said mercilessly, earning a groan from them as he helped them move onto the bed better and sink into the plush pillows.

“Cruel, cruel fishie you are.” They lamented, still a bit muffled as Jade exchanged the tissue for a fresh one and checking the amount of blood before throwing it away.

“If I must be cruel to ensure that you learn to share with us when you are feeling poorly, then cruel I will be.” He gave a sharp smile, picking the compress he had brought along and placing it over their forehead. “Now, why don’t you tell me what exactly you’ve been experiencing and what you have taken before Azul arrives, hm? I would hate to interrupt his worried hysterics.”

They couldn’t help the small, smile that mirrored the warmth in their chest from just how much care and concern the three were showing. It grew even more when Floyd entered the room not long after with a groggy Grim hanging limply over his shoulder and a tray of food items. They didn’t even have time to properly get Grim settled beside them on the pillow before they heard swift footsteps and then the Prefect was being checked over by a fretful octomer.

Deciding that it was safer to indulge them, the Prefect just smiled fondly and let themself be taken care of.

They could worry about studying later.

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Written for Aviagax! Hope this helps with your study stress! <3

Hope you guys like it. <3