#how to become more whimsical without losing my day job

[podcastwizard]

my options are either whimsy or substance abuse and whimsy is a lot less expensive so

[maroonghoul]

Ranking of all the Christmas Horror Movies I’ve seen (as of 2023)

Updated for some new movies I watched this year:

36.Alien Raiders

35.Anna & the Apocalypse

34.Better Watch Out

33.Good Tidings

32.The Wolf of Snow Hollow

31.Jack Frost

30.I Trapped the Devil And this is why you never do surprise visits. Either that or call ahead and touch base long beforehand. It was a bit interesting that the ambiguity of whether it was actually anything supernatural went out sooner then I expected. Then again, if the devil can't keep lying to you, messing with your head would be his plan B. Of course, that means this had to be 90% atmosphere. How much you want to bet he could've easily left the whole time; this was just more fun?

29.Slay Belles

28.P2 Actually a bit similar to Better Watch Out, and while that one looks better visually, I rank this one higher because I believed this villain felt a little more like a real person. Lately, villains that are both masterminds and immature man-children disinterest me, because I can't reconcile those two traits in my head these days. I have a easier time if it's one or the other. Plus, maybe the grungier surrounding felt more appropriate because a too whimsical approach to this "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them" just rubs the wrong way.

That being said, yeah this location loses some of it's scare factor when it becomes monotonous and hard to navigate. I would've appreciate just a little more variety in the locations used I guess. The use of music is nice at least. Also appreciated how bloody the kills are.

27.The Advent Calendar While the gimmick itself seems to be the only link, I liked the idea of tying "Be careful what you wished for" horror stories to Christmas. Blame George Bailey.

That being said, there's an argument that the conceit of the main character is rather ableist. I can roll with it this time since her previous job and passion, dancing, heavily depended on having working legs, so it's easier to buy. For once, I'd like more disabled characters whose job and hobbies DON'T require it and so can visibly cope. It's getting frustrating.

I did love how open ended they left it. Sometimes, there being a choice at all is more important for a story then what the characters actually chose. Kinda don't want a sequel because of it.

26.Cronos To be honest, this would've actually ranked much higher if it used more iconography. Hell, it becomes New Years halfway through. I get why it's invoked though. It's interesting to go back to the start of Del Toro's career, with one of the most unique vampire movies I've ever seen.

In most body horror set ups like this, Gris would become the main threat, instead of remaining the victim pretty much throughout. I don't think he even kills anyone for their blood.

Vampires are at their most interesting, as a concept and as characters, when they're always in control of their choices, good and bad. Otherwise, why not pick zombies or werewolves?

It's pretty amazing that right out the gate, Del Toro took arguably the most popular monster type of all time, and likened it to a gentle grandparent. Great tone setter for his whole filmography, in hindsight.

25.All the Creatures were Stirring

24.Sint

23.The Lodge

22.Black Christmas (2019)

21.Body

20.Red Snow Yet another Vampire Christmas movie. This time, with a reality check that most of them would be arseholes. Not necessarily wild beasts. That would almost be an improvement.

The movie also keeps you guessing over what side Luke would fall to in the end. Given the way the actor plays it like even he doesn't seem to know is a good touch. And his feedback on the book's characters; snipes at the tropes or his own insecurity? You tell me.

Poor Olivia thought she was getting her own version of Twilight, and instead got Blade by way of Fargo. That sentence is utter nonsense without the context. I would say I want to see a show or movie like that, but I could probably get that fix by just catching up on What We Do in The Shadows. Not that this is anything like that though.

Remember, vampires aren't evil because they're not human at all. They're evil because they kept the worst parts of being human.

19.Pooka Went in thinking tis would be an update of Christmas Evil, but it's more like a Xmas-themed Angel Heart. An obvious commentary on how soul draining working heavily in consumerism can be, masking how bad and traumatized people can do mental gymnastics to avoid the hard truth about their mistakes. Literally, the worst possible Christmas I've seen that didn't have a typical killer. Of course, that twist ending reminds me of...

18.Dead End

17.Black Friday (2021) Also works as a Thanksgiving movie. Anyone's whose worked in a place that affected by Black Friday or Christmas shopping in general FEELS this movie in their bones. Even before the zombies show up. This is why I stay indoors or at work during these days. Sure, the titular day means less and less every year, but let's continue the trend.

16.Silent Night (2012)

15.It's a Wonderful Knife Remake a holiday classic, but make George Bailey a lesbian and Mr. Potter a low rent Trump (Oh god, is that saying a lot!) that gets so fed up that he goes on a killing spree dressed in what would happen if Ghostface bleached his entire costume? Sure, why not. Give the killer Santas a break. And you get to kill him twice.

Although, that third act superpower makes absolutely no sense. I get that it's meant to secure a few plot points together, but...just no. Seriously, where did it even come from? Also, even though how the love interest remembers it is making my head spin. Not how she remembers, but if she remembers both timelines. What problems would come if she only remembers one? And Joel McHale is way too good playing a prick then as a loving dad, I'm sorry. Community has ruined me for him.

Like the subtext of it all though. The messaging, I mean. Y'know given the fiasco going on lately behind the scenes with Scream VII, maybe I'll just pretend this is the real Scream VII. We'll see.

14.Wind Chill

13.Christmas Bloody Christmas

12.Santa's Slay

11.The Children

10.Rare Exports

9.A Christmas Horror Story

8.Day of the Beast Was this meant as a parody of every catholic horror movie released the past 30 years before it? It skewered them good! Pleas tell me the antichrist was fake in this and what we had was one of the insane yet friendliest rampages committed to film! It even has a Peter Vincent clone that keeps getting worse and worse things happening to him! I'd just preferred it was more visibly blasphemous.

7.Deadly Games

6.Silent Night (2021) Surprised? Maybe it's here because I over thought how the significance of the holiday tied in with the apocalypse in this movie. I'm sure if you went back far enough in history, hundreds or thousands of years ago, anytime winter rolled around seemed apocalyptic to people. Of course, mostly to the lower classes. And now with a hypothetical scenario that can feel as bad as those times must have felt, rather then actually tough it out or try to learn from, the government and the upper class jump to take the cowards way out. A little Poe, isn't it?

Cue one of the more depressing then maybe hopeful endings to one of these movies. (Depends to how you react to the very last shot and believe about the plot point concerning the homeless and immigrants)

5.Christmas Evil

4.Krampus

3.Scrooged

2.Black Christmas (1974)

1.Gremlins

[rocorambles]

Set My Heart Ablaze

Pairing: Matsukawa x Reader

Genre/Warnings: NSFW, Non-Con/Dub-Con, Creepy Matsukawa, Obsessive Behavior, Public Train Sex

Prompt: Chikan/Trains/Public Sex

Summary: Neither of you can deny the mutual spark of interest between the two of you, but Matsukawa takes the matter of turning that spark into a fire into his own hands. Only time will tell if that fire will provide you warmth and comfort or burn you alive.

A/N: This is my submission for the HQHQ NSFW Collab! Masterlist can be found here. Be sure to check everyone’s content once the masterlist goes live tomorrow night~

The train doors open and Matsukawa briefly glances up, smiling to himself as you step onboard, looking left and right for an open spot despite how you always end up in the same corner of the moving vehicle. He doesn’t know anything about you, not even your name. Yet he finds himself drawn to the normalcy you bring, the comfort of knowing you’re a clockwork fixture of his everyday life.

It hadn’t always been like this.

Matsukawa is just a man at the end of the day and he doesn’t deny that he took note of you long before you became so ingrained in his life. But it had been no more than a man observing an attractive woman and he doesn’t give you another passing thought as he returns to gazing out the train windows.

But working with death on a daily basis makes you look at life differently.

He prides himself on being a practical and level-headed man and despite the heavy nature of his profession, he never thought he’d get too bogged down by the environment, by the grimness of his business. Sure, maybe someone like Oikawa would freak out within hours, if not minutes, of being in a funeral home surrounded by corpses and coffins. But he’s not Oikawa (thank God for that). It’s just a job to help keep a roof over his head and food on the table.

But the longer he’s surrounded by caskets, the more grieving and sobbing families and friends he has to comfort yet professionally guide through catalogs and brochures and price tags, he can slowly but surely feel the weight of his daily work resting heavy on his shoulders, digging deeper into him with every corpse and tragic story he reluctantly becomes privy to. Matsukawa finds a new appreciation for life, for every tiny and minute detail, and suddenly you aren’t just another stranger who happens to share his train route.

You’re a reminder that he’s still alive, that despite the curveballs life throws at some, he’s still blessed to enjoy the routine and monotony of it. Life looks different, clearer, as he begins to really pay attention, appreciating every moment he has.

Maybe he’s paying too much attention. He doesn’t know when he begins to focus so intently on you, shocking himself with the realization that he’s observed you so closely when he nonchalantly notices that you’re using a different tote bag than your usual one. When did Matsukawa Issei become someone who notices the details of a woman’s outfit and accessories?

He knows it’s not right, knows even Hanamaki would crinkle his nose in distaste if he found out Matsukawa was creepily studying a random unknown female on a daily basis. But he can’t help himself, his realization only seeming to make him unconsciously focus on you even more. He notices what hand you use to hold your phone. He memorizes every expression you make as your mind drifts off, lulled by the machinery of the train.

But looking from afar only satisfies him for so long and he finds himself creeping closer to you, adjusting where he sits to be closer to your preferred corner of the train. He always tells himself just a little closer, but it’s never enough. And although he’s now standing right beside you, close enough to see every eyelash, every pore of your skin, it’s still not enough. He needs to hear your voice, feel your body against his, know everything about you inside and out.

He understands the irony of the situation he’s found himself in, reminiscing on how Hanamaki and him had gagged at how disgusting men could be as they watched older businessmen grope and grab at poor unwilling female passengers on their way to and from school. He knows how wrong it is, how like an uninspired porno this is, but when the train conveniently rattles, he jostles his body into yours, “accidentally” bumping into you.

Acting isn’t Matsukawa’s forte, but he thinks he damn well deserves an award for the performance he’s putting on as he profusely apologizes to you, hiding the groan of satisfaction he feels from the brief contact he’d had with you, from the way your attention is solely focused on him, from the way your voice seeps into his ears like the loveliest melody he’s ever heard. He doesn’t even know what he’s saying, meaningless small and polite talk leaving his lips as his mind focuses on what’s more important, mentally recording every syllable and movement you make as you continue conversing with him. But whatever words are spilling out of him seem to be working and something hungry and possessive stirs in him when your face lights up as you board the train the next day, making a beeline towards where he stands as you cheerfully greet him.

Maybe it’s foolish of you to so easily trust and warm up to a complete stranger. But he’s tall, attractive, and interesting, which is more than you can say for most of the men you’ve met and your friends and family are always telling you to put yourself out there more. Is there really much of a difference between finding a random stranger on the countless dating apps you’ve installed versus connecting with one in person? You’d even argue that there’s something whimsically romantic about how the two of you met, even though you don’t know for sure if this is really going to lead to anything. But at the very least, your daily commute becomes more exciting.

You’re everything and more compared to what Matsukawa had imagined and if he thought he was infatuated with you before, he’s completely and utterly obsessed with you now. You’re all he can think of, all he can see in his mind’s eye, even hours after you’ve parted ways on your morning commute, even as he lays in bed in the middle of the night. And as his hand slips underneath the hem of his boxers, wrapping around his aching cock to his imaginations of what you’d look like writhing underneath him, how you’d sound moaning his name, he knows he needs to have you.

After all, as pretty as a meal can be, it’s ultimate purpose is to be devoured.

You giggle when the train shakes and you feel a long toned body shift into yours, squishing you against the wall you’re leaning against, sighing in bliss at how right, how good it feels to be in Matsukawa’s embrace even if it is just for a fleeting moment, a little accident all too common on jam packed trains. But your face heats when you continue feeling his warmth, when his body seems to press even further into you until you can feel the expanse of his body against yours, not even an inch of space left between you.

“Matsukawa-”

Your words are caught off by a gasp as Matsukawa buries his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, lips and tongue mouthing and licking the sensitive skin there. You’re confused, scared, and aroused, hands reaching up to clutch at the lapels of Matsukawa’s suit, unsure whether to hold him tight to you or push him away. And your humiliation only increases when a nearby elderly couple scowls at the two of you in disdain, clearly unamused by the scandalous gestures of what they believe to be a young couple in love.

Yet you can’t help how your heart beats faster, wondering if this is proof of Matsukawa’s attraction to you, wondering if your hidden feelings for him are returned. But this isn’t the time or place for that conversation and you fervently whisper in his ear, begging him to stop, telling him people are watching.

“Is that the only reason you want me to stop? Because people are watching?”

You grow flustered at the implied meaning of his words, shame filling you at how much you’re enjoying this, hating how your neck arches for more attention as he straightens up once more, his body hiding yours from view as he stands in front of you, still pinning you to the wall.

“Better be as still and quiet as you can, sweetheart.”

You don’t have time to register his words before your mouth opens in a pathetic whine as a calloused hand trails under the hem of your shirt, sliding across the stretch of your stomach, mapping your torso before finally shoving your bra above the swell of your breasts, kneading one of your mounds, tweaking and swirling around your hardening nipple. It feels so good and you almost succumb right then and there, lost in the predatory lustful gaze he pins you with.

But when the train makes its next stop, the conductor’s voice jars you from your trance and you clutch at Matsukawa’s forearm, silently pleading for him to stop with desperate eyes despite the way you quietly mewl when he just quirks an eyebrow and pinches your nipple in retaliation.

“We can’t- We shouldn’t-”

Your hand trembles, jaw going slack when he slides one thigh between your legs, digging his hard muscles into that already dripping hole only protected by the fabric of your pants.

“You’re not very convincing. How about we play a game? If you can tell me you don’t want this without moaning like a bitch in heat, I’ll stop.”

There’s no room for disagreement as he abruptly begins grinding his thigh into your aching cunt, flexing and relaxing his muscle in a pattern and rhythm you can’t keep up with. It takes every last bit of will power in you to not wantonly ride his leg and hump against him like the lewd slut he had just accused you of being.

“I don’t want-”

You cry out in agonized pleasure as his fingers still hovering near your breasts begin to roll your nipples between calloused tips, his thigh never losing its momentum. And under the dual points of attack, your resistance crumbles. Matsukawa’s eyes widen in awe as you bounce and roll your hips against his leg, hiding your face in his chest as you try to muffle the lewd sounds slipping past your lips in the fabric of his jacket.

You’re gorgeous like this, a needy, lustful mess. But as much as he loves to see you suffer so beautifully, there’s only so much time before your stop and he decides to have mercy on you, to reward you for being so honest, so good for him. Your face snaps up to stare at him with pupils blown wide as his hand reaches underneath the waistband of your pants and panties. He groans when his fingers are instantly soaked in your arousal, your panties sticky with your fluids and his digits slip inside of your tight wet heat with no resistance at all.

He wants nothing more than to push the pesky fabric out of the way and lay you bare for his viewing pleasure, to have easy access to thrust in and out of you. But he’ll save that for another day. Instead his fingers slip out of you, tips circling your swollen clit, rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves as you resume humping his leg, body trembling, drool beginning to trickle from your lips as you frantically chase your end. And as the train stops once more, passengers trickling in and out, you silently scream, body convulsing as he brings you over the edge, pleasure washing over you and leaving you exhausted as you shiver and slump in his arms that are quick to embrace you and hold you steady as the train begins to move again.

You submissively let his fingers coated in your essence enter your mouth, obediently sucking and licking him clean, finding strange comfort in the action as you remain rested against him. But you keen in confusion, cheeks still hollowed as you mindlessly continue sucking while he guides one of your hands to the bulge in his pants.

But although Matsukawa is a man of few words, his desire is clear despite the silence and your face heats in embarrassment as he unbuttons his trousers, bringing your hand to the waistband of his boxers, dark eyes expectantly staring down at you. You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. Not when you can literally hear the other passengers surrounding the two of you, only Matsukawa’s tall frame hiding your illicit activity. But your body has a mind of its own and you greedily slip under the fabric barrier, moaning around his fingers at how large, hot, and heavy he is in your hands.

You hate how badly you want to see it, to feel it inside you, splitting you apart. Your pussy clenches, leaking in interest once again despite having just found blissful release mere minutes ago as your hands curiously trail up and down the shaft, trying to memorize how every bit of it feels against your skin, trying to visualize what it looks like. But you whimper as Matsukawa finally pulls his fingers free from your mouth, squeezing your jaw and giving you a warning look.

“Don’t tease me, doll.”

Your fingers wrap around the length and it’s your turn to stare up at Matsukawa with eyes full of hunger and awe as you watch his Adam’s apple swallow, as you feel a pleased groan reverberate in his chest with every stroke of your hand. Up and down. Up and down. Your hands are slick with pre-cum and you know it’s just your imagination, but you swear you can hear the lewd wet sounds of his sticky essence coating his shaft with every movement of your palm against the velvety skin. You’re so mesmerized, so lost in the experience that you startle when something hot and thick spurts onto your hand, mixing with his pre-cum, making an even bigger mess of his boxers and you.

You stare stunned at the hand you pull out from between his legs, gazing at the white and transparent fluids that coat your flesh. But before you can even think about wiping it off or scavenging around for a spare napkin or paper in your bag, a large hand grabs your wrist and brings your stained fingers to your mouth. You try to resist him, the spell he had you under broken now that the haze of lust isn’t blinding you. But his grip tightens until you wince and finally relent, stomach churning in disgust and shame as you tentatively lick at the bitter liquid.

He doesn’t release you, not until every last drop is coating the inside of your mouth, his taste heavy in your mouth, seemingly in every crevice of your orifice, your hand completely clean and void of your sinful interaction.

You want to hate him. You want to wipe the smug satisfied look clean off his face. But as you readjust your disheveled clothing, you’re reminded of your own body’s betrayal, your own carnal desire and pleasure, by the uncomfortable mess in between your legs. And all you can do is silently stand there and pretend that nothing has happened as Matsukawa nonchalantly tucks himself in and checks his phone.

There’s an uncomfortable silence as you wait for him to acknowledge what has just happened, only to be disappointed as he doesn’t even spare you another glance, too observed in the glowing screen in his hand. You wonder if this was just a one time thing, if he had been stringing you along all this time for one quick public tryst. And you hate the way that thought makes your chest hurt, hate how much you dislike the idea of never seeing him again, never talking to him again, never feeling and tasting him again.

But as the train pulls into his stop, your eyes widen when his face hovers by your ear, lips grazing your lobe as his voice melts into your soul.

“Wear a dress or skirt tomorrow. No panties or bra.”

He laughs as surprise turns into an endearing scowl that barely hides the apparent relief in your eyes and he just casually waves farewell as you send him on his way with a tirade of angry words about his fucking audacity. But it’s all empty heat and he chuckles at the self-conscious embarrassment written all over your face when he sees you the next morning, a pretty dress fluttering around your knees.

There’s no preamble, no pretense of what’s about to happen and he smirks in appreciation at the unobstructed feeling of skin against skin as he slips his hand under your skirt, not an inch of fabric covering the treasure at the apex of your thighs.

[mikoobun]

i love you, will you marry me?

    SPOILERS FROM CHAPTER 132 OF ATTACK ON TITAN BELOW

You were numb.

You couldn’t feel or hear anything.

You knew the Colossal Titans stormed on toward you and the members of whoever was left of the Survey Corps; how could you not? You just couldn’t comprehend this moment. 

Here, where your love said her final goodbyes.

Your throat burned and you could feel your damn brain pulsing against your skull as she spoke. You clenched your fists tightly, drawing blood in your fists.

You noticed one thing.

Why wouldn’t she look at you?

You swallowed thickly, forcing yourself to wipe the tears from your red eyes.

“Hanji-” You began. Your voice had turned coarse.

“Goodbye everyone,” Hanji said, speaking over you. She seemed to be strangely satisfied with her fate. Her farewell was a stark contrast to the horrified expressions around her. 

Hanji’s eyes floated among everyone in the group; Levi, Jean, Armin, Connie, Mikasa, Annie and Reiner.

But she wouldn’t even glance at you. 

You; the one who’d been by her side long enough that losing her would mean losing a great part of your soul.

Confusion mixed with anger bubbled in your chest.

“Hanji-” You began again, louder this time, only to be ignored again.

“Levi is now your subordinate,” Hanji announced to the youngers, with her back turned to you, in something like a joking tone. “So feel free to boss him around as you wish.”

Your face darkened. Fresh tears ran down your cheeks as your fists subconsciously clenched again. Levi noticed your blatant irritation, pursing his lips tightly.

Why was she doing this? Why was she ignoring you? 

Would she truly leave you alone without saying goodbye?

Without a word, you narrowed your teary eyes and marched behind Hanji. You roughly grabbed your love’s arm. “Hanji,” This time, your voice cracked horribly and you let your tears flow freely. “Hanji, I know you hear me.”

A moment passed before Hanji sighed quietly.

The brunette turned to face you. Your expression softened immediately. Hanji’s beautiful brown eyes were equally as anguished and tearful as yours, if not then more. Her entire face was red, and her olive cheeks were soaked with tears.

“Hanji,”

On this day, 6 Years into the Past

“Y/N!”

What the hell? 

Your eyes twitched, but you kept them closed.

“Y/NNNN!”

Is that Hanji?

You groaned a little, lazily flopping your arm in the direction of all the chaos.

Hanji crossed her arms and pouted. “Why. Won’t. You. Wake. Up,” Hanji poked your face with a pen, emphasizing every word she murmured. Much to her surprise, you actually responded back this time.

“Maybe because you’re screaming in my ears.”

Sure, your response was sarcastic and barely audible due to your face being pressed into a pillow, but it was still something.

Hanji smiled brightly. “Oh, so you were awake,”

You groggily sat up and rubbed your eyes, which were still growing acquainted to the bright morning light. “I suppose so,” You mumbled, yawning. Hanji noticed the tone of slight irritation in your voice. After all, she did tear you away from sleep. Very loudly, at that.

Before you could process it, Hanji, in her spirited nature, grabbed your face with both hands and pressed a quick peck to your lips.

“Good morning, my love.” 

Her beautiful smile shone brighter than the sun abusing your poor eyes.

Your face softened, and soon you found yourself giggling. You decided to let go of your little grudge.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

__

The day had gone on as usual. You’d spent your days in the military assisting your love in her lab, which you could only describe as a dream job. Every day was a new adventure with Hanji, and you would never have it any other way. Lately, Hanji had been cooped up in her lab for longer periods of time; forgetting to eat, drink, and sometimes even forgetting to sleep. Luckily she had you, her assistant and her lover, to make sure she was properly taken care of.

As the day neared its end, you walked through the hallway leading up to Hanji’s door, balancing a full plate of food in one hand, and a cup of hot tea in the other. 

“Hanji,” You called. “Open up.”

CRASH!

A deafening yell and a number of crashes and thuds boomed as your response.

You flinched so hard that you almost dropped everything in your grasp.

What in God’s name just happened in there?

“H-Hanji?” You said again.

 No response.

Your eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Hanji, I’m coming in now.”

“N-No!” Hanji’s muffled voice hollered. “Don’t come in here!”

“Yeah, why not?” You asked. “I brought you food.”

“Really? I can only imagine where I’d be without you,” She gushed, then paused. “B-But still! Don’t come in here!”

You rolled your eyes. Whatever she was worried about couldn’t have been that bad. You’ve seen it all when it comes to your wacky genius. “I’m coming in now.” You ignored her protests and turned the doorknob handle.

You swung open the mahogany door, setting the food down on the nearest table. You scanned the room. Hanji’s lab was overall in order, but her desk was a nightmare. Papers were sprawled along the floor, empty cups were broken and Hanji stared at you with a nervous smile. Her hands were hidden behind her back.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Hanji,” You sang, slowly walking toward her. “What’s behind your back?”

Hanji stepped back with every step you took forward.

She gulped. “I.. Well, you..”

 You could see her eyes shooting back and forth between you and the open door behind you both. 

Oh no, you don’t-

Hanji launches herself toward the door, cackling wildly. “If you want to see it, I suppose you’ll have to chase me!” 

You found yourself smiling to yourself at the laughing fool. You ran after your crazy woman with the same reckless abandon.

You two passed your subordinates, as well as Captain Levi and Commander Erwin who looked at you two with complete confusion written into their faces.

“I don’t even want to know,” Erwin sipped his tea. Levi shook his head. “The less time we spend trying to understand those two, the more time we get to function.” And the two went back to talking about whatever they were talking about.

You and Hanji found yourselves running the streets of the town under the blanket of the night sky. Internally you thanked whoever heard you that you were in such good shape from even being in the military; you’d chased her a pretty far distance before you felt yourself starting to become exhausted.

“Hanji,” You huffed, slowing down. 

“What is it,” You heard Hanji tease. She was starting to slow down too, but she made sure she was out of your reach. “Running out of breath already?” 

“Just tell me what’s in your hand!”

With no response, Hanji turned a sharp corner. You groaned to yourself and decided to stop chasing her. You were sweating like hell, and you were huffing and puffing like a crazy person. You were sure you looked like one, too. You rested your hands on your knees, and looked around for somewhere to rest. Your eyes fell upon a spare wooden box in a dark, crooked alleyway. It wasn’t the prettiest-in fact it was a little creepy- but you only wanted to sit and catch your breath for a moment.

You sat on the box and rested your back on the brick wall, feeling yourself become wearier as time went on. Your eyes began to slowly close when-

“Y/N,” A velvety voice called above you. 

A warm cloak fell lightly upon your resting shoulders. You opened your E/C eyes and saw the soft grin of your love herself.

Hanji sat next to you and pulled your tired head onto her shoulders. “I was looking for you everywhere.”

“Was I out for that long?” You mumbled tiredly, inhaling her sweet, intense scent. You closed your eyes once more, but you weren’t asleep.

“No,” Hanji hummed. “But you were gone long enough to make me think.”

You remained silent, listening to her soft words.

“You’re still wondering I was holding in my hand, aren’t you?” Hanji brushed your hair with her fingers. You nodded.

“It’s a.. Well..” She fumbled over her words, and began to play with her hands. You peered up to see her face heating up.

You were confused. What could it have been? Then you wondered if you were pressing her too much.

“Hanji, its okay,” You started. “You don’t have to tell-”

Hanji cleared her throat. 

“I’ll put it plainly, its a ring.”

.  .  .

A ring?

Your lips parted ever so slightly. Your eyes were wide. “A ring?” You repeated your thoughts. “Hanji, does this mean you want to-”

“Yes,” Hanji was beaming now, but not at you. She had her starry eyes in the sky, while her arm pulled you close.

“Truth be told, want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Hanji began whimsically. “I’ve been working on making it for you for a while now.”

Suddenly it all made sense to you. The sleepless nights, the skipping meals. 

Had it had all been for you?

Your eyes filled with warm tears. Hanji’s delicate fingers lightly brushed them away.

“I want to show it to you,” She revealed a cloth in her palms, in the outline of a finger band. “But I can’t. At least right now I can’t.”

“Why is that?” You asked.

She turned to face you, wonder in her brown eyes. “I want to wait until the world is ours,” She exclaimed.

“When the titans are gone and remembered as societies nightmare, we can live together as a bickering old couple. I want to marry you so, so badly Y/N, but I want to do it right. I want to do it when this world is at peace. I want to die knowing I’m married to Y/N L/N.”

She grasped your hands tenderly within her own. Hanji stared into your emotional E/C eyes, with her own beautiful brown ones.

“What do you say, Y/N? Would you marry me?”

__

Present Day

“Hanji,”

Hanji swallowed the bile that burned the back of her throat. She tried so hard to avoid looking directly into your pained expression. Hanji absolutely hated hurting you like this.

As much as she wanted these final moments to last, she felt the rumble of titans approaching.

 She had to make this quick, and she hated it.

“Y/N,”

Hanji breathed shakily. With a quivering hand, she reached into her dark green cloak, watching as your red eyes trailed her every move.

“I hope that someday,” She inhaled sharply. “Someday, you can forgive me for what I’m about to do,”

Hanji’s fate was sealed, yet she kept that damn smile on her face as she spoke. Your heart pounded in your ears as Hanji finally approached you. She grasped both of your hands in hers, just like she’d done on that day.

“Y/N L/N,” She announced.

“I love you. Will you marry me?”

Your eyes widened. Your mouth fell slightly agape. 

No... This isn’t how it was supposed to happen...

You nodded, as if you were entranced. “Yes,” You mumbled breathily.

Hanji’s grin only spread across her whole face as she pulled you into a tight embrace. Hanji nuzzled her face into your neck. She was wetting it with tears, but you didn’t care. You tried so hard to take in and remember as much of her scent in as you could. You knew you would never smell it again.

“Thank you,” Her small voice whispered into your ear. “Thank you for everything.”

Soon, Hanji pulled away, but not before leaving a small peck atop of your lips.

And even as you screamed and cried and begged Hanji not to go,

even as Jean held you back from chasing your crazy scientist into the death mission,

Hanji smiled to herself as the world of Titans around her began to fade.

She’d finally gotten to do what she’d always wanted to.

__

You hadn’t even realized your palm was still closed from when Hanji had held you. You felt something cold within your fist. Cracking open your hands, your eyes brimmed, and your throat knotted at what you had saw.

A silver and gold ring.

___________

this is my first story in a while :))) i hope you enjoyedd- nila

[because-of-a-friend]

Seventeen Reaction: Being Stranded on a Deserted Island

MASTERLIST

Thanks for the request anon! This one was super fun to do and I hope you really like it! One more request and then back to the series!!! (I also based A LOT of this off how they acted in One Fine Day lol)

CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

As the leader, Cheol puts a lot of pressure on himself to be responsible and provide for everyone. So, I’m thinking in this situation he’s in stress mode 24/7. He’s always on his own case about being the responsible one and keeping everyone on track to do what they need to do to survive. He very rarely lets himself relax and when he does, it’s when he’s on his own. Since it’s a deserted island his “me time” is watching the waves on the beach at dusk. But besides that, he’s always at 100%. Since he’s already the leader of Seventeen, he would naturally step into the leadership role there. And the other boys would be more than willing to listen to him and follow his lead. He’s always making plans for what they need and how they can get it/make it/find it. He’s a real literal thinker and sees everything in concrete which means he creates very straightforward plans for everyone to follow. A true leader at all times. 

YOON JEONGHAN

Ever since I started stanning Seventeen three (?) years ago, I’ve always seen Hannie as a sort of Leader 2.0. I think he knows how much stress Coups is under and tries his best to ease that in any way he can. Despite the fact that he can be a little mischievous and will try to con his way out of any responsibilities lol, I think he truly would step up to the plate in this scenario. Most of the time, his role as one of the oldest seems to play out behind the scenes and is almost more emotional support rather than holding them to their responsibilities. Which is how I’d think he’d be in this situation too. He’d make sure everyone feels supported and listened to. He’d become a rock for the group and be someone even Cheol will depend on. 

JOSHUA HONG

I think sometimes Joshua feels as though he should be more responsible as one of the oldest but he also doesn’t know how to fit into more of a leadership role. So I think he’s definitely the type to take on responsibilities that include as little having to direct and order around others as possible. He’ll somewhat become a right hand man to Coups. When Coups makes plans for different things they need to do, Joshua will make sure they turn into a reality. He’ll go through the plan step by step to make sure they have everything they need to complete it. Then he’ll make a list of the supplies they need, organize a group of people to get it done, and make sure it’s completed. He doesn’t see himself as all that helpful or important but honestly their system would fall without him.

WEN JUNHUI

Jun is honestly such a wild card lol. In OFD he was really one of the most resourceful and ready for action members out of all of them. He’s always ready to do what needs to be done, no matter the task. He’s up for the challenge and happy to do it. But he’s just so...whimsical? Like he either doesn’t grasp the severity of the situation or he’s just insanely positive despite it. He’s just so fascinated by what they’re doing. It also has something to do with wanting to make sure the other boys have a bright spot. If Jun can make sure being stranded on an island sounds fun and exciting instead of terrifying, then he’s helping the others in the best way he can. But overall he’s just a jack-of-all trades who is ready to help everyone at every time.

KWON SOONYOUNG

Hoshi is also ceaselessly bright in this situation. I don’t know if anyone remembers Hoshi from One Fine Day, but surviving a deserted island is not exactly his forte. He definitely depends on the others a lot for direction. That doesn’t mean he isn’t helpful because he definitely is! Like Jun he picks up any odd job he can help with and is always happy to do it. Since he’s one of the mood makers of the group, he also picks up a lot of responsibilities in the emotional support department. He’s always a good ear to talk to and a shoulder to lean on. It may take him awhile to get the hang of things in this situation. Actually there’s lots of trial and error with him dropping things, losing things, that one time he may or may not have set one of their shelters on fire. But he’s a quick learner and once he knows it, it stays with him. So he becomes a very important cog in the groups’ machine. 

JEON WONWOO 

Wonwoo was lowkey thriving in One Fine Day. He was joking and energetic and the perfect garden fairy. I think he’d take over the same skill set in this situation. He definitely builds up his gardening skills and tries his best to grow anything they can eat. There’s like a different side of him that comes out in situations like this. He’s just like a Survivor Man. He’s strangely the head of most groups when it comes to going out and getting things done: building shelters, starting fires, fishing (not that he eats anything they catch lol). Someone tells him what needs to get done and he will do it without any hesitation or problems. Hoshi follows him around completely fascinated by his surprising talent for survival skills. Instead of remembering survival tactics, he honestly just comes up with his own tricks to survive. Just all around a real necessity to have in this situation. 

LEE JIHOON

Definitely more of a director than a doer. Helps Cheol and Joshua with plan making and sits back and watches the work get done. He definitely takes over with scolding the other boys since Joshua and Cheol hate having to do it. Jihoon has no problem standing there with his hands on his hips and going “hey, get back to work!” Definitely the guy who keeps everyone on track and defines the lines between things like “taking a needed break” and “genuinely being lazy” AKA “Guys I left you to take a break from building the shelter four hours ago, why are you bowling with coconuts???” He’s probably a little too stressed sometimes. And in order to make sure he doesn’t stress out the other boys, the emotional supporters of the group will just grab him and hold him down until he falls asleep for a nap lol. 

LEE SEOKMIN

Such a stressed out, absolutely terrified little bean. He does great considering how scary this is for him, but he is definitely so anxious. Depends on the others a lot. As one of the other mood makers of the group, he might feel a little guilty for not being as strong in this situation so the others can depend on him. But the other assure him that they’re happy to be the ones taking care of him this time. He still wants to help but the others will discreetly give him the easiest jobs so he doesn’t get overworked and over stressed. He also helps a lot as one of the cooks of the group. Actually all of the boys adore any of the ones that can cook because it makes all the difference. And Seokmin lives for the praise he gets in his cooking and the euphoric feeling of doing something to make the others happy. 

KIM MINGYU

Mingyu was THE MOMENT in One Fine Day. Like he did anything and everything. If you want to talk about someone the other boys WOULD NOT survive without, it’s Mingyu. Cooking, building, fishing, cleaning, chopping wood, and starting fires. Mingyu did it all in One Fine Day and he’ll do it again here. He’s there anytime anyone needs help. He doesn’t necessarily love it but he CAN do it. While he does all of this, he can also get stressed easily, so while the other boys depend on him for practical stuff, he depends on the others a lot for emotional support. He can get a little impatient with the others but that’s just because he’s tired. He naps literally anywhere and everywhere. “Does anyone know where Gyu went? I need help with dinner” “Oh last time I saw him he was asleep in another tree” 

XU MINGHAO

Silent supporter. Lowkey turns into a hermit. He has very specific skill sets that he uses to help the others when they need it. But besides that they usually just find him in random parts of the wilderness unexpectedly. “Minghao, what the hell are you doing out here?” “I don’t know, I just thought the lighting here was really pretty, I wanted to stare at it coming through the leaves” “That’s nice but Jihoon is on his way here and he’ll definitely yell at you if he catches you slacking off” One time no one saw him for like a day. “Oh my god!!! Minghao where were you???” “Found a cave.” “What????” “Found a cave” *shrugs* Just an unexpected wild card lol.

BOO SEUNGKWAN

Also very stressed. And is very vocal about it. The other boys don’t mind since it’s usually very entertaining. No one has to worry about beating around the bush when it comes to talking about any problems because Seungkwan will bring it up and will not stop bringing it up until they figure out a solution. No one has to worry about missing anything or losing anything or letting anything fall through the cracks because Seungkwan keeps track of everything. His brain is running a thousand miles a minute constantly to try and keep up with everything that is going on. He doesn’t miss a single thing. 

HANSOL VERNON CHWE

Also strangely fascinated and excited about this situation. And can also be found wandering off with Minghao. Definitely a chasing butterflies kind of guy. Doesn’t really think much of what’s going on, just does as he’s told to help out and is otherwise just kind of meandering around. Does lots of exploring. Unknowingly helps the others distress because he gets them to come along with him on his little adventures and it helps distract them from their every day stressors. Just bright eyes, hard work, and good times lol.

LEE CHAN

Very stressed but shows it in funny ways like cute little arguments with the other boys. Lowkey likes starting drama for entertainment but never anything too serious though. It’s actually usually really petty and funny drama to distract the others from more serious things. When things get too deep and the other boys start to slip into real sadness and anger, he’ll bring up something that will break the mood and get them all laughing and joking again. He’s a consistent bright spot for everyone else and keeps things moving along. 

[nildespirandum]

Rapacity : A Vampire/Landlord Loki Au - Chapter Five

Beautiful art by @dianamolloy​ 

You can also read on AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869515/chapters/62216212

Chapter 5 - I've long believed that good food, good eating, is all about risk. - Anthony Bourdain

I would tell you about what I did over the next ten days, but why? You really don’t care and I did nothing that I found interesting so god knows you would probably die of boredom.  

More important than what I did was what I didn’t do.  

I didn’t find a new job, since there were no jobs to be found.

I didn’t see another human being, other than the grocery delivery person through the kitchen window.  They wore a mask and a hoodie, we nodded at each other like civilized people, and I slid a tip wrapped Saran Wrap under the door to them.  

Even when I was out for a run I saw no one, since I had taken to running at night.  Very late, in the cold, when it was completely silent.  Quieter than I had ever experienced life, without the ambient, distant noises from planes or cars in the distance, or houses and businesses humming with electricity.  The quiet of a world where everyone was going to bed early because they couldn’t do anything anyway.

It was darker too, and the moon glowed more, probably because of there being less pollution, even slightly less light pollution.  The sky was like a black pearl.

God, I really hate running, but for once that sky made it almost worthwhile.

I didn’t respond to any calls or emails or texts from my still stubborn friends.  

I didn’t see Laufeyson.  

One thing I did do was dig out my precious, long out of print hardcover copy of The Serpent’s Trail because though my landlord/client  arrogant enough as it is, talking about it made me want to read it again.  Not that I need to.  I probably have every line of Tobias and Elinor’s mad, destructive road trip memorized, I’ve read it so many times.

I was surprised when I mentioned how young he looked on the dust jacket after telling him I barely remembered the book that he didn’t think it was odd.  But if you prick a male’s vanity it tends to overwhelm everything else.

Even a dead male.

I hadn’t unpacked most of my books since I had moved.  Those twenty boxes were all stacked in the small room that the last tenant had used for a closet.  She must have had quite the wardrobe, which I didn’t.  

Depression is not an unusual side effect of what is wrong with me, or so one of the doctors I saw said.  Depression is also probably not an unusual side effect of living through a grotesquely mishandled pandemic.  Or losing your job.  Or having to become food so that you, yourself, can eat.  So I don’t feel like reading much those days.

That said, when I pulled out the box that had The Serpent’s Trail and all of Laufeyson’s other books I found myself opening the others as well.  Looking in that room I thought it might be nice if I could ever afford it to line it with shelves and bring in one comfortable chair to put by the window that overlooked the garden and the house.

Tired from moving the boxes, I sat there on the floor, my back propped against the wall, and read until I realized it was dawn.

My newest work was stagnating, as I found that I could not make myself care about the whimsical horrors and surreal changes I was inflicting on my latest heroine.  She bored me.  The still, unmoving world bored me.

I bored me.

I never bored me.

My agent had contacted me about writing a sort of updated Journal of the Plague Year for an online New Weird magazine, that movement having embraced my work even though I long predated it.  Whilst I had not written a serialized piece since Dickens had died, and I thought the concept was laughably trite, I did not loathe the idea of doing it and for a few weeks I stared at the page - I wrote longhand drafts first, to connect myself to the words through action - and continued staring.

Writer’s block was best healed by variety, the exact commodity that could not be had.

Frustration is not good for me.  Or for those around me.  Zofia started coming to clean during the day, not being a fool.

One night, or morning for it was after three, I saw Laurel leaving her apartment to jog.  The sullen look on her face as she faced the prospect of the exercise put a smile on my own face and turned to the page.

“My tenant looked weak and hollow, and her eyes burned like a fever victim, though she was not sick.  She was, however, very, very hungry…”

Ten days passed.  I wrote.

Ten days passed.  I read.  

The weather was slightly warmer, we were in that part of the year where spring had arrived in theory but in practice it was still the last of winter, and the grass on the front-lawn of the house crunched with frost as I crossed it.  I wanted not to go.  I wanted to make him try to have me evicted, which wasn’t possible during those days.  I wanted to make him pound on my door.  I wanted to make him come to me.

The lease meant none of that was possible, so if I couldn’t not go, I at least was going to go early.  To disrupt his schedule if nothing else.  

Laufeyson wasn’t outside this time.  When he came to the door he was wearing those glasses he didn’t need again, his hair was in a loose braid, and he wore a very soft looking black sweater over one of his apparently infinite supply of white shirts and, to my deep shock, jeans.  Albeit jeans that probably cost as much as a payment on the car I no longer drove and showed off the leanness of hips and the length of his incredibly long legs.

I was angry, and yet at the sight of him, beautiful, elegant, and the way he smelled -

I haven’t mentioned that yet, have I?  He smelled like copper and ink.  All of the time.  It wasn’t a ‘I smell his aura’ kind of thing.  His breath smelled of fresh blood and his hands smelled of ink.  

And his body smelled like something you want to rub against.

-the sight of him, beautiful, elegant, and the way he smelled, like copper, ink, and sex, made me angrier.  

He rested a hand high on the door, loose-limbed and smirking at me.  “You’re early.  Eager?”  

I didn’t answer but sidled in the narrow space between him and the doorframe, taking off my hoodie and tossing it over my shoulder at him, knowing he was too fast for me to hit in the face but dreaming of it anyway.  “Don’t worry about dinner.  I ate.  Let’s just do this.”

Trudging up the beautiful, glowing wood staircase, I waited for him to overtake me, but he never did.  I thought.

He was waiting when I got to the bedroom, sitting near the cold fireplace, typing on a laptop, those useless glasses pushed up to rest on the top of his head.  Not looking up, he asked, “Was there a problem with the meal last time?  Zofia is very vain about her cooking and I would hate to have her offended.  She is extremely useful.”

“The food was fine, better than fine.  Luscious.”  I drew out the word as hard as I could, “If you have Tupperware I can take what she made with me, I’m sure I’ll be hungry later.”  Looking around, I asked, “Is there any way to play music in here?”  

He shook his head, a frown between his brows.  

“That’s too bad.  It’s a little disgusting to have you so close to me and only hear my own breathing, my own heart.  I was hoping to block it out.  You seem like a Billie Holiday type.  ‘Gloomy Sunday’?  No?”  

As I spoke I stripped, first toeing off my unlaced running shoes, then pushing the loose sweats I like to run in down and stepping out of them, finally pulling off my t-shirt.  “You said black, right?”

He looked up, finally.  “That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” he said, taking in my oldest sports bra that was slightly loose on me and a pair of underwear that was once black but had faded to grey, with frayed elastic.  And black athletic socks.

His tone was just to the dry side of the Atacama Desert.

I wish I was that dry.  Sadly....

He waited.  Expectant.  He lowered those stupid glasses as if he needed them to see, and not just to be a sexy professor type.

I shrugged and shivered, laying down on the magnificent bed, “No hurry, but I‘m cold so the socks stay on,” I added, wrapping myself in one of the furs, grabbing my phone.  I was playing Arcana and Julian had just gotten himself wrapped up in the Devil’s chains and I had enough coins to play out the rest of the chapter.

I had barely opened the app when my phone was gone, my wrists were being held high over my head, pressing into the headboard, and Laufeyson’s other hand was firmly, if not painfully, wrapped about my neck.  

“You are being petulant.  Do not think to take out your hurt feelings on me, festa .”  There was a sternness to his voice that hid actual anger, not merely annoyance.  Then, as if catching himself in a human moment of real emotion, the pressure on my throat eased, but he still held me still.  I hated that I wanted to purr, not from the weight, but from the touch.  

“Were you offended by my disinterest in your cunt last time?”  His voice was a humoring croon.  His weird gaze dragged up from between my legs to my eyes.

“Look, Laufeyson, there was nothing in the lease about me having to eat dinner with you, or wear anything in particular, or put up with you making me feel undesirable, or to just be a shit to me.  So just get it over with.”

He had the gall to look a little offended.  

I knew it was dangerous to offend him.  To poke him.  He could kill me with no effort, or worse, hurt me badly, in ways that would make me suffer for how ever long he let me live.  That night, that time, I was past caring.  

Then he shrugged.

“True.”

The hand on my neck slid behind it, to make it arch, then his fangs were in my throat before the ‘u’ sounded faded, his chest pressing my chest, my wrists still in his hand.  The pain was still sharp, but so quick, as if my flesh was eager to open for him.  

When he sucked I knew every inch of me was ready to open for him and I fought it.  Despite the noise he didn’t know he was making as he ate I made myself go stiff and stared hard at the elaborately painted ceiling.  Hard enough to make my eyes ache and tried to think of anything that wasn’t how good his mouth made me feel.  For once I wanted my lungs to heave and my heart to frighten me.  The effort to not let my toes curl made them cramp.  

I must have made a sound.

The glorious suck stopped and my breath heaved in relief.

He lifted his head, our faces very close together.  For the first time, I could see my blood on his lips and teeth.  Stopped in the act of feeding, his pupils were massive and there was something … innocent in his face.  Innocent and surprised.

For a few seconds he was still, other than the thumb of the hand that held my wrists, which gently whispered over my speeding pulse.  My body unknotted, but I refused to look away, or to soften my own look, which was fixed in a sneer.

Maintaining that expression in the face of his shock was nearly impossible.

“Are you going to finish?  There is a movie on TMC I want to watch at midnight and I forgot to set up to record it.”

Then he snarled and pushed away from me, crossing to sit again with the laptop.  “Get out.  You’ve killed my appetite.”

It took a few seconds for me to be brave enough to sit up, holding my bleeding neck.  “Band-ai-”

He cut me off, pointing to the drawer they had been in before, not looking at me.

I bandaged myself and dressed, as he pecked away.  He had only taken a little, so I was steadier in some ways than last time, but more afraid.  When I was dressed I asked, “So do you have that Tupperware?”

I wasn’t expecting an answer and I didn’t get one.  

When I was almost out of the bedroom door I stopped, steeled myself and I said, “‘Next time, be a gentleman, or be a monster, I can’t be bothered to care which.  But choose or be prepared for more of the same.’”  

He didn’t follow me, but his silence did.

She quoted me to me.  

“‘’Next time, be a gentleman, or be a monster, I can’t be bothered to care which.  But choose or be prepared for more of the same.’”  

What Elinor said to Tobias in chapter seven of The Serpent’s Trail, right before their affair started in earnest and ended in so many deaths.  She said it in the unstudied way of someone who had not merely memorized the lines, but knew the words.  Knew what they meant.  Knew their context.

The lying little bitch.

I couldn’t remember the last time I was so hungry.

Or my cock had been quite so hard.  

It was marvelous.

I went to the window and watched her cross the garden, climb those damned stairs again, and let herself in.  At the last second, she turned and gave me a one-fingered salute.

I had taken for granted I knew who she was.  What she was.  I was wrong.  

I do not like being wrong.  I never have.

I would not be wrong again.

@just-the-hiddles​ @caffiend-queen​ @myoxisbroken​ @antigonemorris​ @archy3001​ @dianamolloy​ @catsladen​ @lokislastlove​ @yespolkadotkitty​ @isitmadness​ @ransoms-sweater-holes​ @mischiefmaker76​ @clove-pinks​ @sylviefromneptune​ @nerdygirl8203​ @perksofeatingbacon​ @ladyacrasia​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @wrathkitty

[trh-thesussexes]

Michelle Obama’s Interview by HRH The Duchess of Sussex

[kunalsoriginals]

Pearls of Wisdoms for Pakis

Beloved Janta of Pakistan,

I would also like to share a secret with you, which you might never apprehend from a person from any other country, especially from an Indian. We LOVE YOU, We are obsessed with you. We enjoy infatuation comparable to that of a 14-year boy who has one on a girl living in his neighborhood, like that teenager whose heart warms up with the girl's sight. Still, he tends to tease her or plays whimsical pranks on her. It is his way of showing his affection.

Accept it, my fellow former Countrymen, you guys are in deep love with us as well. I have felt it first-hand. You folks love watching our Movies and fantasy our starlets. Sing Bollywood songs while proposing to your love. Ache to enjoy Mumbai and Delhi's nightlife. Some of you would even love to reside permanently here for a better future. There is also constant discrimination in every viewpoint; it may be Cricket or politics; in all honesty, you think of our day and night.

Keeping this indefinable affection for each other aside for a while, there is a bitter revelation that you people will have to accept and even feed it in the brains of the future generations to come. I am sure that maximum people over your side of the border should by now have conceded that India will never ever surrender Kashmir in your Lap. It won't be possible in at least another century ahead.

You see, in the manner where India's GDP had expanded from 10 Thousand Crores in the 1950s to more than 10 Lacs Crores in 2019, our sentiment of Nationalism has additionally, grown in a comparable pattern. There was a phenomenal hike in this feeling after India's general elections 2014 onwards; the reason for such an increase is unknown to me. So, the moral is, with such a vast Nationalism level in the hearts of the Aam Janta here, I don't think so parting away an inch of land to anyone would be possible.

Won't it look dishonorable for us in the front of the entire world if we lose the land to you guys who are quite behind then us in all the aspects? You will have to accept that technically both our countries are 73 years old this year. Over this side of the border, we have gradually upgraded in all aspects a Nation has to grow. I could virtually challenge you in where you guys can prove to be better in any improvement zone. This is the land wherein the year 1981 Indian Actor Amitabh enacted on the evergreen song "Dekha Ek Khawab " and his Dame Rekha in the movie Silsila hence parting away with Kashmir is painful to us as it will not only hurt our Ego and furthermore offer grief to Amitji.  

Forget the BJP led NDA, Even the Congress-led UPA cannot think of such a gormless deal. The primary reason is that they want to come into power next term too to provide Public service. Now you people only tell which government will be such dimwits to kick their own rear and be signed on the history textbook of 10-year-old kids as the People who gave away Kashmir.

Realize this, Pakistani Government, Your Army and also ISI can't withhold the idea of getting the region of Kashmir in your Nation's Map, even they know that your national flag will never rise in Capital of Srinagar but since it was an Inaugural Political Agenda when your Country was created in where the principal objective of this agenda was to collect vote from you guys and funds from other countries in the name of Kashmir. It is their lollypop for you fellows that their respective parties if came in power, an ideal environment will be created where; a newly wedded couple from Lahore can drive to Srinagar for their honeymoon without a stamp on their Passport and enjoy a bite of Kashmiri Apple laying in the front deck of a Shikara in Dal Sarovar. It's All Fake, acknowledge it, and move on.

So to my Indian friends,

There was a massive inspiration for me to compose this article. It was shocking that it came from the other side of the border. In the great Indian lockdown of 2020, I who was ideally workless like many of us all, I went through many videos of this Pakistani Newsreader and Political Debate Show Host Dr. Fiza Akbar Khan on YouTube. By her venomous language, the passion for thrashing India and people over here and that high pitched voice made me think of another Indian Debate Show Host.  I am convinced that they are unquestionably biologically related to each other. So I should not have a problem with her blabbering rubbish towards my Country as her Bhaiya here likewise.  

But I have to admit that her language did hurt me because, unlike her Bhaiya over there who trashes Pakistan in the English language, she uses Urdu, which sounds quite similar to the Hindi language to illuminate unpleasant garbage, the reason is entirely psychological for me being hurt. For example, If somebody calls you a Motherfucker, you might not be offended in the same manner if you are called Madar***d (Pardon my Language).

This Pakistani Anchor goes on and on that How Poor, Uneducated, Physically and Mentally Weak, Shelterless, we Indians live in this Country where our economy is going into the drain. We are foolish people to elect Shri Modi as PM of our Country and that too twice. There is a vast level of discrimination on minorities over here. The world's biggest Democracy is over. In the distant future, if Kashmir is not given to them its freedom, then Islamabad will be the next capital of Pakistan and India.

Can you believe this, she has mentioned all this on her show and that too in a language which can easily pierce in our heart. Let's not get also angered about this and start calling her names. She is just doing her job. She is giving favored content to people of over there what her Bhaiya is doing over there.

As pragmatic as I can get about whatever she says on her show about us, I just can't accept it, I am too egoistic as an Indian to even reply or curse on her Video on YouTube comment section. Hence, I planned to dedicate this entire blog to Dr. Fiza Khan, whom I seriously don't mean to offend as Women, her Nation, and especially not her Religion and would like to give her some advice.

Avoid Echoing about Nukes: A round of applause towards Dr. Abdul Qadeer Khan for building Nuclear Weapons, a program from a stolen uranium centrifuge design and a network of grey-market suppliers. But stop jabbering in your show that Pakis can nuke India in case a War erupts between us. Even If Jinnah Sahab from Heaven above commands your Arm Force to it, they will effortlessly deny his orders and don't stress. We likewise won't squander our atomic weapon on you. These weapons are like those expensive Portraits which you can proudly hang in your Living Room, but can't take it out on a date. Stop even using the word Nuke in your show.

Comparison between the PMs: PM Imran Sahab seems to be a jolly good fellow who also appears to try to administrate better than any other PMs or Military leaders of your Country. Let me tell you bluntly that there is no comparison with his Counterpart over here; in fact, he even doesn't stand anywhere nearby India's previous Prime Minister.    

Paki's Diplomatic Policies Debacle: This is a typical miscue. You and many colleagues of you have repeatedly misguided your Citizens that Pakistan can easily use the benefit of its diplomatic relationship with a few First World Country and pressurize India on Kashmir Issue. Well, Honey, This is an open challenge to your PM, along with Mr. Qureshi Sahab go to any so-called super Power for assistance or call end numbers of meeting in OIC ( Organisation of Islamic Cooperation ). Nobody will be ready to intervene in the Valley issue for one of the main reason, Why would any country create enmity with the Country will more than 100 Million Population which is a significant business open doors for their corporates.

Playing Second Fiddle: I initially watched your Debate show of earlier years. You always mentioned the US as your elder brother and will still stand next to you along with Saudi Arabia. These were the two countries which you saw as your personal ATM. Lately, these ATM machines stopped removing Cash and Kinds, which they earlier showered on your Country, so you bashed them and accused both these Super Power for adultery. These started leaning towards us. Then you went to China and become a Virtual Puppet who dances on their tunes. Now the problem arises that the entire world started forming against your elder brother and accused them as the creator of the Pandemic of 2020. So you began a rigid assembly against them as well, and now your nation is in an arrangement for another development with Malaysia and Turkey. Understand this dear Fiza ben that in distant future you will have to abuse these two countries also while your government will go and beg to some other countries, maybe North Korea.

Last but not least, which I have already mentioned why Kashmir will never be part of Pakistan earlier in the blog. Read repeatedly till the concept is glued by heart, and if possible, explain it to your people there.

Defense products will be purchased in the name of Kashmir. For Fiscal Year 20-21 Defense expenditure of Pakistan is 1,289 Billion Dollars. India's expenses on the same would be around 66 Billion Dollars. Can you believe these Figures? This Moolah could otherwise be used in Infrastructure and improving the lifestyle of citizens of the respective Country. Civilians and Soldiers' blood will be shed on the name of Kashmir. Approximately 120000 deaths have been registered since 1989, which also includes unsympathetic deaths of militants and terrorists. Television Media will go on with Live debates inviting aficionados and enthusiasts to increase their TRP on the name of Kashmir. Newspapers and magazines will publish viperous articles vocalizing each other's blame for being troublemakers on Kashmir's name. Many commercial Movies and Web Series will also be produced on Kashmir's name. Still, by endeavoring all means of Peace or War, this dream of some of yours will never be fulfilled.

[theonceoverthinker]

OUAT 3X05 - Good Form

I remember loving this episode, but it will be GOOD to FORMulate an opinion on it once and for all!

...Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week!

But really, this episode has a ton going on from character work to backstories to points made about toxic masculinity. And if you want to hear more about all that, go right under that cut!

Press Release

With the deadly Dreamshade coursing through David’s body and close to death, Hook takes him on one last journey to find a sextant that could help them decipher a map that would lead them off Neverland. Meanwhile, in the Fairy Tale Land that was, Killian Jones - aka Hook - and his brother, Captain Liam, sail off under orders of the King to find a powerful indigenous plant on an uncharted land that could help heal any injury.

Main Thoughts - Characters/Stories/Themes and Their Effectiveness

Past

The story in the past segment is incredibly simple, but as I’ve said before, simple is good. It’s the finer details of the story that come together and turn it from serviceable to truly great and fortunately, this episode has that in spades.

”If this is a poison, it won’t just end a war, it will obliterate an entire race.” I do like that throughout this story, the villainy is kept with those that truly deserve it: The King and Pan. It would’ve been easy to villainize Liam for not listening to Killian and overestimating his own abilities against Pan, but the writers understood that he just made a mistake. He wasn’t a bad person, but made a bad decision and didn’t deserve his death (I mean, he probably deserved some type of bad death because of what happened with his last crew, but that episode wasn’t written yet). Liam’s death is framed correctly as a tragedy and something that a young man would do, especially when exposed to the “magic” of Useless Machismo Island (My new name for Neverland because holy fuck, there’s so much freakin’ machismo).

I love how literally all of Killian’s men stay by his side. It’s an amazing show of Killian’s leadership abilities, as he displays qualities like charisma and passion in ways that people listen to. It also shows a lot about Liam. Liam may have screwed over the last crew he worked with, but he definitely cared for his own.

Killian’s ending speech works so well. Throughout the entire flashback, it really looked to me like ending of Killian becoming a pirate for noble reasons and “good form” was going to lack the character consistency between the Killian we see at the end of the flashback and the suave sort of jerkass we see in “The Crocodile” and “Devil’s Due.” And that was nagging me throughout the segment as I watched it (As I’ve mentioned before, my Season 3 memories are not that hot apart from some select scenes and the broad strokes of the stories and arcs). But Killian’s speech does a great job of showing his hotheadedness. It’s not just enough to fuck over the king. Killian is taking his rage over Liam’s death on the whole realm, or at least the lands ruled by that same monarchy. I’m so glad that this was included because it reasserts Killian’s character that he has going forward -- noble, hotheaded, dramatic, and a leader.

Present

”You’re not here out of any nobility. You’re here for Emma.” I like how the theme of this segment is somewhat disproving this. By that, I mean that while Killian’s motivation for helping IS ultimately Emma, we see the form that his helping takes shape and it is in fact one of nobility (I know this gets a smidgen into shipping and I usually save that for the bottom and it is mostly there, but just indulge me here because I’ve thought on this for a while). Killian’s efforts, as he believes, will not help his chances with Emma. As far as he knows, David, if kept alive, will continue to keep pushing them apart. This is evidenced by Killian’s clear surprise when David gives him the credit and subsequent toast following their return to the campsite. He helps David for her, but so that she will have a father and a better shot at her son, not so that he will have a better shot at her.

The narrative makes a good point of differentiating Pan and Killian from each other. Unlike Pan who spoke in riddles while mentioning the effects of the Dreamshade, Killian was specific. Before giving David the water, he explicitly laid out the consequences of drinking it, demonstrating actual honor.

I also like how David points out that a lot of their current situation is in fact the result of Killian’s assholery. It allows for David to be granted more nuance then “I don’t like you because you’re a pirate” since it’s honestly been a while since these events occurred. Like, I remember it, but the current story trajectory has made some of Season 2’s events somewhat distant and bringing that back up is appreciated. Without that, this segment would’ve felt way too on Killian’s side but because it’s here, David’s distrust of Killian is not as frustrating for the viewer to sit through.

I am so glad that Emma sides with Regina over whether to remove the Lost Boy’s heart or not and it is framed as an ultimate positive. It falls in line with her rage and dismisses Snow’s shitty ass platitudes. All of the frustration that’s been building in Regina has been building in Emma too and she’s not about to let a tangible means of results in getting at the very least a message out to Henry go away. And it is honestly so worth it. The mirror call is beautiful and energetic and the smiles that the scene leaves off on after the it’s completed is one of the most satisfying moments in the entire arc. When people talk about how dark magic can be used for good, this is one of the better examples of this.

All Encompassing

I know that this is probably one hell of a stretch, but I can’t help but feel like this episode as a whole is taking a sledgehammer to toxic masculinity. Men (David and Liam) not listening to other men (Killian and Pan) is what puts them in their shitty situations but clear communication (Killian being upfront about the water and Liam telling Killian his plans for the king) are resolutions. Neverland really is a land of toxic masculinity. In addition to so many men not listening to each other, we see with the Lost Boys that they have no problems getting violent with each other, using each other, and not apologizing for it afterwards, with Henry acting as a contrast for their behavior because of how he was brought up in Storybrooke.

Insights - Stream of Consciousness

-Opening shots in this series that start with the moon are incredible!

-”Not bad.” My thoughts exactly! Neal did a good job with those wooden swords!

-”Don’t you know the best thing about being a Lost Boy? You never apologize.” Then you guys are just flat out rude! Fucking toxic masculinity. Neverland SERIOUSLY needs to rename itself Useless Machismo Island.

-”I also know what it’s like to lose hope.” Okay look, the way this line was delivered really didn’t work for me. For one thing, it IS wasting time and Killian is usually not one to do that. For another, I didn’t like him stepping in her way. Look, you know I love CS and I’ll be having fun down below by the end of the episode, but that didn’t do it and part of this rewatch is emotional honesty. Part of me thinks that that works because Killian’s almost manufactured attempt to bond fails whereas the more natural one at the end of the episode succeeds, but I still didn’t like the moment as a whole.

-Damn, I love shots of the Jolly Roger that show off its impressive length (Innuendo somewhat intended). It really is a magnificent beast of a ship. And listen to the score in the background. The brass section beautifully plays this triumphant sea-themed melody!

-Wow! I think this is the most crewmates in terms of numbers that we’ve ever seen on The Jolly Roger! I don’t know if they just wanted a lot of navy men/pirates for this episode or because they wanted to show the dangers of being a pirate. I counted during Killian’s ending speech and there were at least 15 guys there!

-”And drunkenness leads to bad form.” This line is great because we see Killian trying so hard to be good (To an almost comedic and cartoony degree for me personally) and is especially made more effective because of our insight into Killian’s adolescence as a slave.

-Anyone notice the extra-as-fuck drop of the rum bottle into the harbor? XD

-”My little brother.” “Perhaps you mean younger brother.” Okay, I LOVE this line in canon, but the fandom has utterly RUINED it for me through its sheer OVERUSE in fanworks. I can’t read a single Brothers Jones or CS fic featuring Liam and NOT see this exchange. It’s not like there aren’t other overused quotes I see, but just that one seriously needs a rotation. *Ahem* Pardon the tangent.

-”A Hero’s journey.” I’m just picturing Killian thinking about how he and Liam started off at the bottom of the world and are now so close to heroes.

-”You’re never gonna get her. I’ll see to that.” David, Emma is a grown woman. Fuck off with the machismo!

-Okay, Killian is my favorite character at this moment purely because he is not having ANY of the machismo bullshit David keeps throwing his way. He’s playing caretaker and nurse proudly!

-I like how literally EVERYONE on that ship besides the lieutenant knew what the fuck the Pegasus was. Like literally EVERYONE! The fuck?

-Damn, when you look at the Roger from the bottom, it’s even bigger. No wonder it’s a pirate ship! It’s got such a big booty!

-There’s something so awe-inducing about a pirate (Or navy, at the time) ship soaring through the sky and I’m so glad that this comes back during “Save Henry.” The contrast of the clouds and the ship is so whimsical and childlike and wonderful because of that.

-Can you even see stars during the day, even with a sextant?

-”Tell him grandpa loves him.” You should probably specify which one, David. After all, “you can have more than one [grandfather].”

-*Watches Daddy Charming hug* I’ve read it before, but Josh Dallas is in fact, dad shaped.

-*Watches that Lost Boy hunt a pig and then remembers how that went in “Lord of the Flies”* Thank you, Snow!

-”Henry did [Nicked the kid’s cheek].” I love how the second he says that, Emma and Regina go into this “What the FUCK did Pan do to our little boy?” mode.

-”At least you got to say goodbye. Most people don’t get that much.” Damn, that line is powerful with hindsight. Even David drops his machismo because he knows something is up.

-”He was a thief and a liar.” To be fair, David, at the moment, you’re the one lying. I normally don’t subscribe to the “heroes are hypocrites” mentality, but this is a rare hiccup in that.

-*Killian steps up in the present and down in the past* Have I ever mentioned how much I love the segues on this show? Well...here’s another great one. See also: Unconscious bodies segue!

-Wow. The first daytime shots of Neverland are so breathtaking. The way the sun shines through the clouds and the jungle/mountains lurk in the distance is stunning! And the beach is just flawless! Fantastic camera work!

-Killian, I love you, but you just can’t rock the ponytail, bro. Short hair is your friend.

-You know, something I realize: Killian’s pretty freakin great at reading people! He can immediately tell that Pan isn’t full of shit in the past.

-I like how Killian puts up no rebellion at the idea of talking to Pan. Even though they’re on opposing sides, he knows Pan can kill them all with the snap of a finger and he’s not about to risk that.

-”Emma would never leave her son.” “She did once before.” FUCK. YOU. PAN.

-”Have a drink. You know it always helps you think.” Pan is just savage af in this episode. He’s pulling no punches!

-Liam, no! Don’t succumb to the machismo! Not like this!

-I’m not sure about how I feel about Emma tipping so close to the edge of strangling a Lost Boy, but this “What the FUCK did Pan do to Henry?”-induced rage is really well acted!

-Fuck yeah, Regina!!! Mirror magic used for good! *High fives*

-I would hardly call that goading, Pan!

-Operation Cobra Rescue. I liked the innocence of Operation Henry because Regina made it, but I like that Emma has her own name for it too.

-Killian really rocks that face mask. Someone make a sexy dark doctor/serial killer Killian fic, a’ight?

-”That you were stubborn, yes. I gathered that rather quickly.” I LOVE the Captain Charming banter here.

-I love Killian’s smile. So much. And his little wink.

-Mama Swan’s got some convictions when it comes to Henry!

-Damn, the ladies were ready for one hell of a fight before David and Killian showed up! Just look at those battle poses!

-That little nod Killian gives David after David tells everyone “what happened.” Awww! THE BROMANCE IS ALIVE! CAPTAIN CHARMING IS ALIVE!

-”Mates.” Emma, you are too fucking adorable.

-I love how immediately following the kiss, Emma has a plan developed to stop them from getting questioned by everyone! Smart as a whip!

-Killian! I know Neverland sucked, but a flying ship is never a bad thing!

-I love that Killian gets hyper defensive when Pan mentions Neal’s name. Like “don’t mention his name, you little shit!”

-I don’t know whether to praise this final scene for being a great fake out of Killian potentially abandoning the goodwill he built up or annoyed because once again, this ending means nothing. It’s literally just exposition. That said, I like the expedience, so I’m willing to forgive it.

Arcs - How Are These Storylines Progressing?

The Mission to Save Henry - We finally get a message out to Henry!

Henry Not Believing in His Family - This storyline frankly sucked and I am so glad it’s over. Henry’s belief in his family and the question of whether or not it would hold (Besides having an obvious answer) was in no way engaging. The circumstances that brought on any possibilities of him not believing in his family were contrived and hardly related to his character. Additionally, the writing for it as a whole was inconsistent. One scene has Henry towing the line of losing faith in his family and the next has his steadfast. One scene has him fighting or dancing and having a good time and the next has him apologizing and being a pacifist. This isn’t character complexity. It’s weak character writing. I know I didn’t bring up this segment before, tough that’s only because it’s so freakin’ short and yet it’s given this huge amount of emphasis. Watching it again, I can’t fathom why the time wasn’t spent focused on Henry and Wendy meeting and becoming friends with Pan pulling the strings on both sides, like we get soon afterwards. That would’ve been much more focused and served as an effective story that played into Henry wanting to be a hero and showed more of Pan being an evil bastard. Hell, there could even be a connection made between Neal and Henry because of Neal’s friendship with Wendy. It actually baffles me. Did they just not have Wendy available for the first six or seven episodes? Did they not want to pay the actress?

Killian’s Redemption - Killian takes his first big step forward into redemption here. He risks his life to help a man who dislikes him. It feels like a very good build up that’s been happening with him since the Season 2 finale. Also, ”You’re good at surviving.” I like how Killian takes this concept that Pan presents to him and thoroughly flips it throughout the rest of the series.

Regina’s Redemption - This is a relatively smaller instance, but it means so much. At the end of the call with Henry, Regina says “We love you.” Call it a hunch, but just a season back and she would’ve said “I” and not “We.” And Emma actually returns that, calling Henry “our” son in their next scene. That’s a far cry from the “my son” arguments of Seasons 1 and 2 and it fits perfectly.

Favorite Dynamic

David and Killian. David and Killian’s bonding feels very natural to me and as that’s the heart of the episode, it was one of the two most important things that they get right. And thankfully, they did! Killian is put into a position where he’s in the right, but it is made clear why the respect that comes with that needs to be earned. Killian and David works together to do what they each think is their own greater good in their own way creates this really engaging friction that is fun to watch. Their banter has a good rhythm to it and can be funny at times, particularly when they’re talking about their brothers.

Writer

Christine Boylan and Daniel Thomsen take their first whacks at Season 3, and it’s really good! Like many of the best OUAT episodes, the past and present segments act as a bit of a mirror in regards to the broad strokes of the story. It’s not super subtle or anything, but what it is is concise. Additionally, the dialogue was great, with only Snow having lines that are intentionally trite. Everything else feels natural for the individual characters.

Rating

Golden Apple. What a wonderful episode! It really is. Just like “Nasty Habits,” the story and character work is incredibly tight. The nuance of who Killian is and was gets delved into and challenged, doing a great job of fleshing the character out. Additionally, for an episode that did little to further the story of saving Henry in the grand scheme of things, it did an incredible job in not making that feel like that was the situation with its character progression and a good ending to an arc that didn’t deserve such dignity.

Flip My Ship - The Home of All Things “Shippy Goodness”

Captain Swan - While not off to the strongest start IMHO, this episode’s CS goodness grows fast! First, while David attempts to ward off Killian from his attempts at courtship, Killian remarks that she’s a grown woman who can take care of herself. Second, even though it was a lie to keep the truth about David’s condition at bay, Killian is very genuine about his concerns over Henry’s mental state. Third, Killian IMMEDIATELY responds to Pan’s offer to let he and Emma escape the island by pointing out that Emma would never leave Henry. Fourth, Emma actually stays behind to chat up Killian after the rest of the group has gone their separate ways and I was grinning like an utter buffoon here! Fifth, Emma makes the mood playful with the “mates” line. Sixth, THE KISS! Killian looks blown away by it, the frozen state of his hand showing how unexpected it was! But when he catches up, BOY does he catch up! And Emma’s so passionate with it too! Not only does she initiate it, but just like her father with her mother, her lips are like a heat-seeking missile of love! It’s incredible!!! And that kiss LASTS for a good few seconds! It gets a wonderful score to it! They almost look like they’ll continue it! Even when it ends, they’re both fuckstruck by it. The feelings consume them!

Snowing - If you’ve ever needed to be convinced of Snow and David’s love (And you very likely haven’t), look no further than the way David kisses and talks to his wife in this episode. Knowing that he’s gonna die, he leaves as much on the table with her as possible, kissing her forehead as well as lips AND telling her he loves her. And when he recovers, David’s lips are like fucking heat-seeking missiles, going right for his wife’s lips and putting EVERYTHING into that kiss. AND the one afterwards! It’s romantic and sexy as hell!

-----

Thank you for reading this and to the fine folks at @watchingfairytales! Just one more day before NJ OUAT CON! Woo-hoo!!! I’m going to try to get the last review for the week (“Ariel”) out tomorrow (Or queue it up for Friday), but if not, you’ll get FOUR reviews next week!

Damn, I’m seeing Gil (Prince Eric) soon. I can’t wait to be...part of his world.

Season 3 Total (39/220)

Writer’s Scores: Adam and Eddy (9/60) Kalinda Vazquez (10/40) Andrew Chambliss (10/50) Jane Espenson (10/30) David Goodman (10/40) Robert Hull (10/40) Christine Boylan (10/20) Daniel Thomsen (10/30)

Operation Rewatch Archives

[thegraytalon-blog]

Nostalgia is a Hell of a Drug

Remember Chewbacca, everyone? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Stormtroopers everyone? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Darth Vader everyone? Oh I ‘ member!

Remember the Millennium Falcon everyone? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Super Mario Bros and The Legend of Zelda on Nintendo? Oh I ‘member!

Remember the original Game Boy and Game Gear? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Indiana Jones? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Sonic the Hedgehog and the Sega Genesis? Oh I ‘member!

Remember Mario Kart, Starfox and Goldeneye on the Nintendo 64? Oh I ‘member!

Remember the Sinbad pirate movie that we all swear exists but in reality doesn’t? Oh I ‘member!

 Above are just a few of the many vast examples of nostalgia in the form of media and entertainment for some of us who grew up in the 80’s and the ‘90’s. Now you might be asking yourself, how can a handful of random pop culture references have anything in common? The answer lies in that they all share one crucial thing that is very similar. That being they all represent a form of nostalgia for the most of us who grew up within this era. This is the era that represented the iconic heroes, symbolic artifacts and the rise of video game dominance that we all know and love today. Even such entities that do not really exist and are part of what is called the Mandela Effect, such as that Sinbad movie from the 90’s that we all swore a blood oath existed but have no concrete evidence backing up such a claim. Well, other than the fact that Sinbad himself used to dress up like a pirate and wear some really baggy pirate looking pants in the 90’s. 

So what is it about nostalgia that is such a driving force behind what compels our minds today in such forms of life as decision making and even to the point of crucial thinking? Well, let’s start from the beginning. The majority of the memories that we have stem from early childhood and carry on over into adolescence and lessen by the time we reach and are in our full adulthood. When humans are born and are children from the age of about 3 or 4 we begin to develop our brains more and begin to retain moments that transpire in the world and capture them into an ethereal bubble and store them in our memory banks to recall at anytime we want. That is, if the memory is worth recalling at all. While most forms of nostalgia are positive some memories are not always as pleasant as that moment when you picked up a Nintendo controller for the first time to play the very first level of Super Mario Bros or when you went into that creepy cave and an old man gave a wooden sword to a child because it was too dangerous to go alone into the wilderness in The Legend of Zelda. However, they are still considered nostalgic because they caused such a tremendous impact on one’s life. 

Let’s say Timmy is 5 years old and is learning how to ride a bike without training wheels. During his trials one day he happens to lose balance, fall off and cuts his knees and sprains both ankles at the same time. Timmy then decides he will never learn how to ride a bike again. It’s not a pleasant memory, but little Timmy may carry on this memory for the rest of his life as it had a big impact on his childhood. When he is older and if people ask him if he knows how to ride a bike, he can not only say no but recall the traumatic experience that shaped his bike riding fate into the present day. Now let’s say little Timmy started riding a bike with training wheels at the age of 5 and nothing went wrong and he eventually graduated to riding a bike with two wheels like a champion. Later on during his life if the topic of riding a bike came up, Timmy may not recall the exact moment when he learned how to ride a bike or even his age, just that he knew how to ride a bike and learned when he was a child. The devil is in the details so to speak and the more prominent the events that transpire in your life, good or bad, the more you will recall and retain them and with great detail. 

Now let’s shift our focus back to the positive aspect of nostalgia and what kind of effect it has on our psyches and even physical attributes over a prolonged period of time. I will be using many examples in the form of video games and media for the rest of this entry so strap in and brace yourselves for some serious nostalgic moments! 

Petey is a pre-teen boy in the late 90’s who indulges in a plethora of video games. Sometimes on a weekend he goes over to his relative’s house to enjoy the competitive elements that gaming offers in the form of racing and shooting. He partakes in numerous races of Mario Kart 64, dogfighting matches in StarFox 64 and the tactical espionage shooting of GoldenEye 64. After hours of racing, dodging shells, popping balloons, aiming true and losing friends with that infamous blue shell in Mario Kart and shooting down enemy starships in StarFox and cursing out the kid who picked Odd Job in GoldenEye (even though we said NOBODY PICKS ODDJOB IN GOLDENEYE you cheating, miserable fucks), Petey leaves his relatives house and returns home. The next day at school Petey is in class doing his assignments when he notices out of the corner of his eye a pencil about to roll off the student’s desk that is to the left of him. Immediately Petey jerks his arm to the left and catches the pencil before it falls off and reaches the floor. Petey did not realize it, but by him dodging those shells, lasers and bullets in the games he played the day prior, it allowed him to have a slight form of heightened reflexes as his brain and body worked in unison to move his arm and catch the object before it reached the floor more so than a person who did not attune their senses by engaging in a hobby that tested your hand to eye coordination like video games do. In most video games, repetition is key. By performing various tasks over and over again, a person trains their mind and body to react in ways that are almost considered unnatural by the laws of man. Now I’m not saying that gamers are all Spider-Man or Jedi Knights, but their critical thinking does improve as well as their reflex actions and allows them to think and perform outside of the box more than others from time to time. 

Speaking of critical thinking, let’s say that it’s a bright and sunny Saturday morning in spring of 1987. You are 7 years old and wake up, have your Cookie Crisp or Fruity Pebbles while you pop on some Transformers or Thundercats as you prepare for your day off from school. Then in the early afternoon proceed to your room and take out the gilded cartridge crafted with great care by the Hylian warriors of future’s past, proceed to take a deep breath and blow deeply into the bottom of the cartridge. You then insert the cartridge into your Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) and start to hear the whimsical and delightful music of The Legend of Zelda. As your adventure continues across the vast land of Hyrule, you seem to discover many dungeons along your path in which require you to solve puzzles and obtain keys to open your path to venture forward. Most of the puzzle solving includes memorizing geometrical squares or blocks to move them in such a pattern that they will allow secret passages and doors to open so you can continue your hero’s journey. After spending countless hours dungeon crawling , slaying mythical beasts, solving numerous shape shifting puzzles and obtaining the Master Sword to defeat the mighty evil lord Ganon, you put the game to rest for a little while. The next day, Sunday, you go over your friends house to hang out and he has something cool to show you. His mom bought him a new puzzle game called Simon. In this game you have to remember color patterns and memorize them to not fail and go back to the start of the puzzle. Your friend, who is not into video games as much as you, and proceeds to try out the Simon game with you. He gets a score of 4 turns without failing and you happen to score a whopping 12 turns without failing. Could it be that his memory is not as attuned as yours because you just spent the previous day playing The Legend of Zelda and solving pattern memorization puzzles in a plethora of different dungeons? It is indeed very possible and almost factual. Once again, repetition is key and it shapes the mind to retain and remember glimpses of imagery that will help you in such tasks as doing well in a memorization game or exam.  

Video games such as The Legend of Zelda are prime examples of how nostalgia not only plays a factor in critical thinking but also how our minds are shaped for when we become adults and how our way of thinking is affected by experiencing games like this in the past in our childhoods. For the most part, The Legend of Zelda series is aimed at a child base with it’s whimsical characters and environments and tunes. However, deep, beneath it’s surface, those games may contain such a deep nostalgic presence in the form of a darkened and twisted tone, that it can only be harnessed and resonated years to decades later as we reach adulthood and see how we use our intellect and minds to either provide rational thought or even something as trivial as conversing with someone and describing your likes and desires. For example, why do some of us migrate towards TV shows or comics or movies with such dark messages or that have a really sick and twisted meaning? I’ll use The Punisher and Fight Club as examples here. Could it be that our love for these 2 embodiments of physical and psychological warfare on the mind, body and spirit stem from our interaction with let’s say The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening on the Game Boy and/or The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask for the Nintendo 64? I know I am singling our Zelda games a lot but there’s a reason and method for my madness here, I promise. You see, both of these games in particular in the series have a deeply disturbing underlying message. In Link’s Awakening you play as the famed hero Link who awakes on an island with no memory of how he got there so his goal is to find a way off the island and get back to his homeland in Hyrule. Now SPOILER ALERT because I am about to fast forward to the game’s ending. At the end of the game, Link encounters the Wind Fish, who is a mythical creature and king of the island that informs Link he is part of some kind of deep REM like fever dream that once he wakes up from all of the creatures and inhabitants of the island he is presently on will cease to exist and die pretty much. The game’s theme and message here then becomes somewhat complex. It twists the plot and forces one’s mind into a psychosis that cannot necessarily determine fiction from reality. The same is present in that of the film Fight Club. Again, SPOILER ALERT here as the entire movie we cannot tell what is fact from fiction as the main character slips in and out of a deep schizophrenic psychosis that plays the duality of himself with a character who he may or may not have created, Tyler Durden, who was everything the main character was not. Like seen in Link’s Awakening, the focus of the story is shifted from reality to fantasy in the blink of an eye where you, the player and the main character in Fight Club and Link as well are uncertain whether the world they are living in and characters around or within them are all real or simply part of some kind of imaginative force. Nobody can really pinpoint the truth of the matters, only that there may be multiple outcomes for their unique situations. 

The Punisher and The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask are also similar in their own diverse ways. Now before I continue I want to go on record for saying I feel Majora’s Mask is the copyrighted and trademarked property of not only Nintendo, but Lucifer as well. That’s right folks, this game is possessed by the devil and I can prove that with hard concrete evidence. Just Google or YouTube “Ben Drowned” after finishing this and I promise you that you will not sleep well tonight after seeing that. Now for a hefty third SPOILER ALERT here as in Majora’s Mask many feel and believe that the story takes place with Link having failed in all his endeavors to stop Ganondorf from taking over the world, Princess Zelda, who he loved, was enslaved and Link himself was dead and the game takes place in the Hylian afterlife where Link has a finite amount of time to save that world from collision with a moon face who kind of looks like he is in the middle of taking the most constipated crap known to man. Now my point is here that Link is dead, he knows his world has ended as he knows it and is now just running through the motions doing what he can to survive while expelling the evil around him, doing and making whatever he can right, until death knocks on his door. The same can be said for the Punisher. The man known as Frank Castle is dead and has been since his family’s cold blooded murder, leaving behind a shell of the former man he once was and he is just simply doing what good he can, righting the wrongs of the world, while being consumed in the hell on Earth he is living in, the same as Link in Majora’s Mask, until that fateful day when the grim reaper comes beckoning. 

Therein lies our attraction to such nostalgic elements of the past to that of the present in a nutshell. But it is only a mere taste of the many nostalgic elements of the past that carry on into our present and future, forever shaping and molding both conscious and subconscious  states of our minds determining our focus and reality. 

Now in conclusion I would like to leave you all with a disturbing thought about a form nostalgia that can pander to even the most enlightened thinkers as hazardous and demeaning. How many of us grew up idolizing Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader, Han Solo and Princess Leia from a galaxy far, far away? How many of us used to cherish those films and even used to dress up like those characters for Halloween or even go to extreme lengths to cosplay at shows such as Comic-Con or just for fun and create videos and role play as them for blogging purposes? George Lucas created something unlike the world has ever seen and even with his infamously criticized prequels, the Star Wars franchise was still a force to be reckoned with and like the Force itself was a powerful ally of nostalgia indeed. Now fast forward a few decades to where we are now. That nostalgia of Star Wars with what once was so illustrious and fruitful has caused us to sheepishly support the ongoing cancer of the new modern world that is known quite simply as the sequel trilogy. The soulless embodiment of corruption, greed and rape of the Star Wars franchise known to man and the majority of us continue to witness the horror, which is the equivalent to watching a train wreck I guess because some of us just cannot look away. And why you may be wondering? That devil is in the details here. Nostalgia is a pathway to many abilities, like I stated earlier, and some are considered to be unnatural. The most frightening ability nostalgia gives us is the ability to go and pay hard earned dollars to experience something that is completely unworthy, unholy and just plain unnecessarily bad for our souls because nostalgia said it was a good idea! This is not only present in such forms of media as Star Wars but in other forms of entertainment as well. How many of us saw Batman VS Superman because we as teenagers or adolescents read Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns and thought it would be an exact rendition of that piece of art? Who saw Man of Steel only because they saw the Nolan Brothers names in the credits and thought it would be just as good, if not, better than The Dark Knight? How many of us flocked to theaters to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because we loved Harrison Ford in the original adventures of Indiana Jones trilogy? Give me the total number of cattle who grazed their way to the theaters to see The Hobbit after the renowned success of The Lord of the Rings trilogy? And even in video games, who ran out and bought The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask because it took place in the same world and timeline as the famed The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? The same with Nintendo and their consoles can be said. How many of you owned a Nintendo Game Boy and had to wait on line for 3 hours to obtain a Nintendo Virtual Boy due to the nostalgia caused by the Game Boy? On the other side of the fence, how many countless people purchased Sonic the Hedgehog for the Xbox 360 because of their fond recollections of Sonic Adventure on the Dreamcast? The list goes on and on and on. 

All of these newly released end resulted products listed above have ended in disappointment over their predecessors in some way, shape or form. These letdowns that I just stated cannot hold a candle to their nostalgic ancestral entities  of the past that brought us such warmth and joy. Simply stated, they just do not make them like they used to! So why do we continue to follow this systematic pattern? Does nostalgia alone drive our state of mind or is it something deeper and something even more psychological? I feel that there is another driving force that goes hand in hand in tandem with the nostalgia factor. I strongly believe that married to nostalgia is F.O.M.O. or the “Fear of Missing Out”, which is a syndrome created by chemicals in the brain that develop such an emotional fear that if they were ever to stop witnessing a piece of intellectual property they have invested so much time and energy into that they became terrified as to what the outcome may be, even if there would be no harm done to them physically. Emotionally speaking, these people are frightened to the point of stasis that if they were to miss out on viewing or playing or experiencing something they have dumped a large chunk of their lives to, their minds may collapse into themselves like a neutron star! It fascinates the very mind and can even warrant further study to what drives an individual to such lengths of commitment, with nostalgic fear being one of the leading factors and causes. A prime example of this would be the television show The Walking Dead, based on Robert Kirkman’s comic series. The show has been renewed for it’s 11th season and has long since lost my interest so I simply stopped watching. But I know people who continue watching even though the show has turned stale. Why? F.O.M.O! Godforbid they miss out on a morsel and crumb of walking down a barren road! And what about the next Star Wars movie? Episode IX is due out in December of 2019 and the majority of people I know are committed to seeing it even after they claimed Episode VIII ruined the franchise for them. Why? F.O.M.O!

  I will leave you all with this final thought to ponder: If one is to break away from the sheepish herd, they must first act and lead like a member of the wolf pack.

[spacemilkies]

The response to Detroit Become Human was so overwhelming responsive and it gave me such joy to know you guys enjoyed my 5am rambling. Tbh, I’m still not sure what I plan to do with this series but I will be touching base with all the main kids. I’m still pretty early in the game so we’ll see how it goes. For now, I will just be jumping around like the play through. 

[ Artificially Genuine ] ft. Markus

[01  Connor | Kara ] [ 02 Connor |  Markus | Kara ]

“You’re late~”

There was a pause that could have easily been misinterpreted as startledness, but the lack of biologically genuine neuroresponses needed made the prospect more impossible. Recalculating seemed more fitting, or so was the basis of your very limited understanding of the subject as a whole.

Carelessly brushing the back of your hand against your cheek, you grinned mischievously at the ‘confused’ android in front of you. The caramel splash of hue on its skin- his skin was almost too authentic to match on a color wheel. Markus was inexplicably beautiful in his own way. And as an artist, you were more qualified to throw around your opinion on this matter.

“I am not late.” He was more confident in his movements as he stepped forward into the glass enclosure. The was light flittered off his features was too distracting to be fair. There was a slight tilt to his lips as he moved around your seated station, setting down boxes of paint and transitioning into organizational needs as he made quick work of your mess.

Swiveling in your chair, you designated the moment as a break in your progress, latching on to the excuse of lacking muse. “But you’re not early.” His head didn’t turn to regard you, but you knew that the twitch of his mouth was becoming harder to ignore. You wondered if it was a learned trigger or simply a response to a mastered stimulus.

“I am on time.”

Clicking your tongue, you waggled a finger at his back in tandem. “Ah, but you are always early, distorting the notion of ‘on time’. So not being ‘on time’ is late.” His form froze again and your imagination played with the idea of exasperation rolling off of the lithe form in waves. It brought a giggle to your lips, the sound triggering the android to turn on his heel.

Yes, exasperation. You’d read him perfectly.

“Perhaps then, you are not here quiet early enough if your cognitive process are strong enough to balance both your studies and conversation.”

“Maybe I’m just an advanced level multi-tasker, hm?”

Markus shakes his head and you laugh in turn, the running script playing flawlessly between the two of you. When you’d first received the honor of apprenticing under the great Carl Manfred, it was no surprise to learn that he made use of the popular line of android commodities. But as time passed and you become a more reoccurring feature in the Manfred mansion, you began to notice that Markus wasn’t quite the same as the other robotic advancements you’d come to know.

Carl had offhandedly commented that it was a gift, not exactly certain of its model but there was more to that. Markus didn’t just learn, he adapted. He understood challenges and reevaluated solutions outside of his scope of limitation if only to expand on them. The level of complexity should be as astonishing as it was worrying, but you never felt anything above fascination.

He moves to relieve the discarded cans of paints, and replaces them with fresh colors and clean palettes for mixing. “Perhaps we’ll see what Carl thinks of your skill for multitasking when he wakes.” Markus glides behind your portrait, and you glance up just in time to take note of the full blown smile, light eyes glittering with near authentic emotion. “Or should I wake him early(i)?”

The effort of challenging his own smile nearly hurt from the stretch, but there was no fighting the swell of merriment you felt around the android. Markus was more than just an idle set of hands- he was a fitting companion in the stereotypical lonely profession of an artist. He was always hovering but it never put a dampen on your muse. Being around Carl for so long made him intuitive to changes in nature and festering frustrations that goaded him to answer the prompt with casual conversation or the announcement of meals to alleviate tension.

He was almost too perfect.

Which was even a questionable dispute for an android.

Reluctantly, you reached for the paint brush again knowing in jest the thinly veiled warning was still prominent. As kind as he could be, Carl was still an iron-fisted instructor and had little flexibility when it came to deadlines and you were rapidly nearing yours on this piece.

He understood the strains on inspiration, but he also repositioned it as a learning curve. ‘You must learn to change directions instead of staring at dead ends,’ he’d once advised when you’d nearly given up on an exhibit composition. Stress had taken on the weight of a boulder that month and you were easily irritable as you stared down at the unfinished quota. Carl had kept his respectful distance, but Markus … your favorite cup of tea never ran dry or lost warmth, paints never ran out and colors stayed mixed to perfection and your hunger- god, sometimes you worried he was going to alter your preference to understanding the craft of a perfectly flaky croissant instead of the integral genius of D’vinnci’s strokes.

Carl was easily a once and a lifetime experience but having Markus to boot?

“I’m not stuck...I’m just-”

“Stuck?” Markus supplied somewhere behind you.

“Stuck,” you echoed with a sag in your shoulders.

“Carl will tell you-”

“I know, I know. Guide the current, not control it.”

At the beginning you’d accused him of reciting an old cinema relic in which he’d simply laughed. There was a knowing glint to his gaze, nod heavy with reminiscent qualities. For you, art had started off as a whimsical venture. With labor jobs dwindling by the day, it were the hobbies that began to rise in a new light. University had been an easy route for you, but constructing a path after had been more of rocky road. Carl had been instrumental in lying down the rudimentary bricks but to think-

“I was going to say breakfast.”

“What?” The shades of colors slowly began to clear and take shape as your vision fought to the edges of consciousness. Being around artists, Markus must have been rather use to humans losing their sense of awareness. You wondered if it was anything similar to stasis for them.  If anything, androids were almost aways alert.

The quirk of his lips spoke truth of it, “Carl would say, ‘ An empty stomach is more threatening to an artist than a blank mind.’”

Brows pinched in bemusement, eyes narrowed in playful suspicion. It did sound like something he could have said, perhaps not to you but at some point, but yet. There were theories arising, hunches of androids gaining autonomous capabilities and writing their own programs. Of course, the media hadn’t toyed with the notion yet. Without enough evidence, the paranoia of an android uprising would only threaten the sanity of humanity. 

“ Has said or would say?”

Markus only shrugs and you shake your head at the incredulous notion. Where would they even begin to know how to design a new program outside of the developer facility. Computers were smart, but they needed another party to feed in information... right?

When you come to, he’s at the entrance, pausing fleetingly for acknowledgment. Once he has it, he offers a quick nod.  “I’ll get started on it now. Try not to make more of a mess while I’m gone.”

“How else would I keep you entertained?”

[ssnakey-b]

Cowboy Bebop Retrospective: Asteroid Blues

WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!

Hello, everybody! Welcome to the first post of the Cowboy Bebop retrospective! And since I am doing this in chronological order, let’s start with the very first episode: Asteroid Blues.

Synopsis:

The episode, and thus the entire show, opens with a black-and-white flashback sequence. Aside from the distant ringing of bells and the minimalistic tune of a music box, it is silent.

During a cold open (the only one in the series, if memory serves, and if it’s not, it certainly is a rarity), we see the main character walk solemnly in a surprisingly old-looking district considering the show is set in future space colonies, followed by footage of him involved in a massive firefight, during which he is apparently injured as blood can been flowing on his face, the scene being intercut with footage of a rose in a rain puddle, the very same one that can be seen in the header, said image slowly gaining colours. Once the scene ends, we suddenly cut to this:

With the intro over and done with, we then turn to the Bebop itself and are properly introduced to the first two of our main characters: Spike Spiegel and Jet Black, the man with the most on-the-nose name in the universe. Spike is training his sweet martial arts moves, and stops when Jet calls him for either lunch or dinner (it’s hard to tell when they’re in space).

Jet briefs Spike on an interesting bounty , El Mariachi from Despera- I mean Asimov Solensan, a drug pusher, bank robber, murderer and all-around stand-up citizen hiding out in Tijuana, on the run from both the police and the mob. Which is the name of an asteroid, not the Mexican city. Get it, though? Asimov? Because this is a sci-fi show?

Meanwhile, Spike complains that his chinjao rosu has no meat in it. He starts listening again after Jet reminds him that the impressive list of bills they have as a result of Spike’s impulsiveness is the very reason they can’t afford meat in the first place.

However, even after that, Spike isn’t interested in going after Solensan, arguing that TIjuana sucks. But once Jet brings up that you can find some of the best meat around, Spike is suddenly down with his plan.

And so they’re off to Tijuana, where we are introduced to another vital staple of the show:

Yay, it’s the three old men! The guys who always seem to cross the Bebop crew somehow yet never actually have anything to do with the plot! Also, to this day, I still have it in my headcanon that the one in the baseball cap is an elderly Ash Ketchum, and nobody can convince me otherwise.

They do what they do best, which is argue, until Asimov walks in, accompanied by his lovely and pregnant wife, Katerina.

They order drinks, but it quickly becomes obvious that it’s not what they’re actually there for and before long, Asimov discreetly draws a vial of some strange purple liquid with a thin red strip inside it from under his coat and shows it to the bartender. By the way, I love how it shines despite the fact that it makes no sense considering the way the scene is lit. Let’s not forget, this may be one of the more realistic examples of the medium, but Cowboy Bebop very much still is an anime.

The two of them go to the back, where it is revealed that the drug is called Bloody Eye and is apparently very sought after and very expensive (at least “real” Bloody Eye, implying that there are cheaper fake alternatives). Meanwhile, gangsters pull over and get ready to attack. Meanwhile, the bartender insists that Asimov demonstrate use the Bloody Eye on himself to prove it’s the real deal. Through a POV shot, we are shown that the drug heightens reflexes while making it feel like time is slowing down and also giving your sight a dramatic red tint.

The gangsters attack, shooting the place up and murdering an innocent pinball machine (RIP). Asimov and Katerina, however, easily manage to fight them off, the Bloody Eye even allowing Asimov to literally dodge bullets.

And providing us with beautiful visuals.

While this is going on, Spike is consulting an old Native American shaman sitting by a bunch of discarded electronics, as you do, who tells him where to find “the red-eyed coyote” and tells Spike that he will meet a woman who will try to kill him. He also sees death after that, with Spike dropping hints about his own backstory when he says he already died once, and it already was because of a woman.

This guy is called Laughing Bull, by the way. Evidently because of his jovial disposition.

Jet finds the bar, or rather what’s left it after the shoot-out. Two more gangsters arrive, giving him the opportunity to knock one out and get the other to tell him what he knows about Asimov.

While stopping to refuel his fish, the Swordfish, Spike unknowingly meets Asimov in a dingy bathroom, then Katerina outside. She’s carrying a big bag of groceries and Spike pulls the old “bump into them to steal their shit” trick, grabbing some of her food while pretending to help her pick it up, establishing that Spike has pickpocketing skills.

When she figures it out, Katerina isn’t amused at first but actually ends up being a bit impressed once he reveals just how much stuff he managed to steal without her noticing.

You know it’s a well written show when it can honestly make stealing food from a pregnant woman look whimsical.

He gives it back and apologizes, explaining he was starving. They start having a nice chat, where we get more character development. Spike explains he’s been flying the Swordfish around for 10 years and hails from Mars. Katerina seems to have a very idealized of that planet. She dreams of leaving Tijuana to move there, as she believes that living there is a guarantee for an idyllic life. Spike replies that it’s true... if you’ve got money.

Katerina says she and her husband should be able to live there happily, then. One of those silences that speaks louder than words settles, as Spike figures it out (assuming he wasn’t just putting on a show up until now) and asks her if she and Asimov truly intend to move there and spend their life on the run.

Asimov catches him off-guard and starts choking him. He probably would have killed Spike too if it weren’t for Katerina telling him to stop.

Jet finds Spike and tells him he’s giving up. It’s too hot, everyone who goes after Asimov ends up dead. Spike, however, shows that he managed to snatch one of their Bloody Eye vials and fully intends to keep going after them.

And he does! Finding them in a restaurant, he confronts Asimov. An amazingly directed and animated fight scene ensues.

It is broken up when more mobsters show up, both in the air with aircrafts and on the ground with cars. Katerina and Asimov make their escape, but in the middle of all the excitement, a stray bullet grazes Katerina’s belly, which doubtless sends the audience in a cold sweat... until Bloody Eye starts spilling out, revealing she wasn’t pregnant at all and her fake stomach was actually a cache (points for cleverness, wonder if any drug pusher tried that in real life).

Asimov yells at her, screaming that they’re done for if they lose the drugs. At that moment, Katerina seems to come to a horrific realization.

The mobsters don’t stop coming, but Jet saves the day, ramming their cars with his craft, the Hammerhead, whose tip looks like it belongs more on an excavator than on a spacecraft.

Asimov and Katerina escape and Spike is hot on their tail, taking out several mob ships in the process. Spike is getting ever closer to them as they desperately try to run away. They all escape the city and reach space, only for them to be face by a police barrage, literally hundreds of ship ready for them. Stuck between the cops, bounty hunters and the mob and with her husband’ mind and body being swallowed up by dope, Katerina no longer has it in her to keep fighting.

“There will be no honeymoon on Mars. This is the end of the road” she says. Giving her man the mercy of a quick death, she looks a shocked Spike straight in the eyes as she awaits the hail of bullets from the cops.

We cut back to the Bebop. Bookending the episode is Jet cooking. He can’t find Spike in his usual spot though. He finds him in a windowed room, staring longingly into the eternity of space after he finishes training. Spike asks what’s for dinner, and Jet replies “a special chinjao rosu”.

Thoughts:

Ho boy, what a way to start the show. Now, if I’m being honest, this is a fairly run-of-the-mill episode for Cowboy Bebop, but that says more about the quality of the show than it does about that of the episode, because it was great. And while it’s in my opinion not among the best the show has given us, I think it was an excellent first episode.

It represents the show perfectly, everything you need to know about it in terms of tone, style, aesthetics, characters and storytelling is here, which is no doubt why it did such a great job of capturing people’s attention. After you’re done seeing the episode, you know this isn’t your average anime. And indeed, I heard the message loud and clear, especially since my idea of anime at the time, and really TV in general, was stuff like Pokémon and Card Captor Sakura, so needless to say, this blew my mind, especially considering I only check it out to see what this show that took The Simpsons’ slot on the channel was. My 11-year-self* was like “are you even allowed to make stuff this good on TV? Let alone in cartoons?”.

And yeah, I think this is the show that really made me realize that cartoons could be made for an adult audience (as well as 11-year-olds with a taste for things not for his age) and be mature, thought-provoking and immensely emotional. I’m really not sure the show would have been so successful if it didn’t make this good of a first impression.

And make no mistake, it being an “average” episode by Cowboy Bebop’s standards doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its memorable moments, as the image of Katerina floating into space while drugs spill out of her has been stuck in my mind from the very first time I saw it, and it’s still one of the things my mind goes straight to whenever I think of the show.

So yeah, it establishes the first two of the main characters, and while this is by now means the only, let alone the first show to gather its cast over time, I think this is especially nicely done here as the fact that there’s only two of them so far really gives time to develop them well in spite of the episode only lasting about 20 minutes (not counting the ending credit and teaser for the next episode).

Jet being introduced by cooking immediately speaks volume about him, showing that in spite of his massive size and fairly scary appearance, he’s by far the nicest and most restrained one of the group, preferring to stay behind and supervise everything, and enjoying quiet activities, but it also shows he can occasionally be the muscle of the group as well in the couple action scenes he gets.

I’ve seen him described as “fatherly”, and I think that fits him well. An older, stern, physically imposing yet disciplined and calm man, who takes care of the home life and is generally the voice of reason, but does have a sense of humour and can get tough when necessary, mostly to protect the people he cares about.

Spike’s major characteristics are laid out as well. From his physical prowess to his generally laid-back attitude, his sarcastic sense of humour and his nihilism (in a good way, as in he doesn’t think life has any inherent meaning or purpose, but that only means you’re free to give it whatever meaning and purpose you value).

As I alluded to earlier, this first episode also does a great job of giving people a good idea of what to expect in terms of visuals. Thinking about it, this is definitely one of the episodes that falls the furthest on the “western” side of the show (I mean, it’s set in a place called Tijuana, for crying out loud!), but sci-fi elements still pop-up, such as the gates, and I think it was a good idea to introduce them in the first episode in order to make people comfortable with it, as these are definitely one of the harder sci-fi elements in the show, and I’m not sure people would have just gone with it so easily if they’d gotten used to the more realistic aspects of it first.

There’s an especially great moment near the end of the episode that I think illustrates the show’s mixture of western and sci-fi perfectly, as the characters are flying off into space, we see the background quickly shift from the old-fashioned run down city to the vast emptiness of space, with the gates and spacecrafts, in like a second, it really goes to show how these two styles clash yet also merge.

We also get small touches you may not have noticed at first (but your brain did), like having parts of the city being visible almost at an 90 degree angle in the background, the unnatural visual reminding you that in spite of the realism, this IS a sci-fi show.

Another aspect of the show this episode establishes right away is the cultural diversity.

Yes, Cowboy Bebop is very famous for portraying a multitude of cultures and ethnicities, something you didn’t see much in Japanese works of the time (and you still really don’t). The world of Cowboy Bebop frequently features Black people, Middle-Eastern people, Asian people, Native American people (as seen in this very episode), etc... and various people of mixed ancestry. And just look at the above screenshot, where you can see Japanese, Chinese, Arabic, English, Korean and I think I see some Russian and perhaps Thai.

This is something that carries on throughout the show as signs are often translated in many languages, and the announcements at the gates can also be heard in multiple languages. It makes sense when you think about it. People left the Earth to colonise the Solar System, and the earliest settlers would probably be people from all over the world being mixed together. They probably wouldn’t just give up on their cultures, but they’d end up being far closer together than they used to.

By the way, that diversity isn’t just for show and the writers have clearly done their homework as Laughing Bull can be heard calling Wakan Tanka to protect Spike, Wakan Tanka apparently being a spirit (and not just any but “the great spirit”) according to Lakota Sioux beliefs.

Another aspect it shows very well is the atmosphere and tone. It is very dark and heavy in places, but it’s also got some lighter moments. It also displays the show’s affection for tarantinoing. You know, when characters are having dialogue that has nothing to do with the plot and they’re just bullshitting around to add to the general feeling of a scene and the work as a whole?

Now of course, it doesn’t take it to Tarantino’s extremes, and it’s usually in the middle of a scene that is related to the plot, like with Spike complaining that he finds Jet’s lack of beef disturbing while Jet himself is trying to talk business, but it’s nice that it’s there. It’s something love (probably a big part of the reason why I like Tarantino movies so much). I think it adds a lot of character to a work. It makes the world feel much more alive as it shows that the people inhabiting it do have lives outside of the story we’re following.

I’ll take an average story in a world I feel attached to over a carefully crafted one that doesn’t make me care about the world it’s set in. And here, we have a great story set in a world I love, it’s the total package!

Oh yeah, and this is also the first appearance of the Bloody Eye, a very interesting bit of lore, as the drug ends up showing up again and becoming a major plot point later on. I also like the implication that there’s fake Bloody Eye, which is a surprisingly realistic detail for a fantasy drug, as in real life, cheap alternatives to expensive drugs are a thing, and they usually are cut down with all sorts of shit that makes it even worse for your health than the real stuff. Again, there’s a contrast between the very fantastical look of the drug versus the realistic implications of its existence.

Next, I have to mention the visuals because man! I remembered the animation being good, but I never realized it was THIS good. I guess maybe becoming an artist myself has made me gain even more respect and appreciation for this sort of work, but the animation on Cowboy Bebop is still impressive to this day.

The characters and vehicles are pretty much always on model (and indeed, I don’t remember ever seeing a scene that looked off in this show) in spite of being very detailed.

In that regard, some of the shots that I found the most impressive are actually ones of very little importance, like Jet tossing his bell pepper in the pan. Just think for a second of how much of a pain in the ass it must have been to draw several frames of these goddamn peppers, keeping track of which one goes where and making sure their shape and size stays consistent.

Another very impressive one is one Jet arrives to save the day, and we are then treated to a shot of the Hammerhead with Jet inside it slowly tilting downwards. Again, being able to keep all these details consistent, and drawing all these frames at a slightly different angle each time to give the impression of the camera panning, is nothing short of stunning if you have any idea how difficult and time-consuming animation can be.

I heard a big part of the motivation behind Cowboy Bebop was to showcase the studio’s animation abilities, which is why it often has weird trippy scenes and bizarre characters and locations, well mission fucking accomplished, guys!

I also want you to look at the screenshot above because another aspect of this show’s look I always loved is the expressions and body language, being, again, very realistic, but still ever so slightly exaggerated to give it more life. I especially remember this being one of the few shows that often had the characters’ entire jaw move when they talk, not just their mouth. This ended up being a big influence on me as this is how I strive to draw my characters myself. Animated enough to feel intense, but still realistic enough to be relatable.

And as much as I liked anime at the time, I always got annoyed whenever it went super deformed, and I still do, as I usually felt it was trying way too hard to be wacky and ended up ruining its own attempted effect, so it was very refreshing to me to see an anime that kept it believable, but still remembered it was a cartoon, and to take advantage of that fact when they do need to show more dramatic expressions like Asimov’s psycho grin up there.

It’s not just characters either, as we often see parts of the vehicles shake and rattle, and even some details I wouldn’t have thought of but which add a lot, such as a car springing up and down slightly as characters sit in it or exit it. Very very nice attention to detail.

And last but not least, concerning the visuals, yet another thing I love about the show’s aesthetics, and something that helps it feel very grounded, is how almost everything is a bit used up. You have all sorts of little details like scratches on mechanics, cracks on walls, graffiti, posters, dirt, etc... all things that further help make the world feel lived-in, rather than just decoration for a story. They’re like so many scars letting you know that a lot happened there and those who lived to tell the tale have seen some shit.

Now, I also have to bring up the writing. I actually don’t have much to say in the regard. It’s just plain good, and pretty much everything I’ve talked about so far is kind of part of the writing process already, and once again, this first episode does a very good job of letting us know what to expect. Sad moments, happy ones and everything in between.

One thing I will say that never really registered in my mind but that I noticed when re-watching this is that sometimes, we don’t quite know how the characters got where they did and knew where to go, they just kind of show up where they need to be.

But that’s not a bad thing! Because we really don’t need to see how they knew where to go. We can surmise they found some info, followed some trail, or even just made an educated guess on their target’s most likely destination, but to see scene after scene of them tracking their bounty would be pointless, so just having them be there makes the most sense and keep the story flowing (again, keep in mind they only have 20 to 25 minutes per episode).

That’s another thing to keep in mind for any writers out there (including myself): we don’t need to know the exact details of how or why something happened. As long as it doesn’t create plot holes, if we can have a good idea of how they did it, if it makes sense for them to be able to do it, if it doesn’t add anything to either the story, the characters, the lore or the atmosphere, you can skip to what’s important.

And last but certainly not least, there’s the music. I mean... how can you talk about Cowboy Bebop and not talk about the sublime soundtrack by Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts?

Yet again, this episode sets the mood by showcasing some of the common theme tunes of the show and letting you know that you’re own for lots of western-inspired music and lots of blues, jazz and bebop (who would have thought?).

It all complements the visuals perfectly, and it’s probably not an accident that the show opens with no dialogue or sound effect, but with music, going from the melancholic sounds of a music box to the extremely energetic “Tank!” in the intro, yet another thing highlighting the contrasts of that show.

However, having said that, one thing I noticed through this episode is that, as deeply as it is tied to the show, it doesn’t play all the often. Most of the scenes have no background music. That’s another thing that keeps the show feeling down-to-earth and realistic, and much like with the expressions, it makes the times when it does get stronger all the more powerful.

Trivia / matters of interest:

Couple interesting things I noticed regarding the French dub (which, as I alluded to in my announcement, is excellent, it’s worth noting for anime). I remember that in the English one, Jet describes the food he’s preparing as “bell pepper and beef”, which, you know, is one way to call it, but as I mentioned, the French dub does go the whole hog and gives it its Chinese name, Chinjao rosu, which I feel fits in well with the whole “cultural mixture” thing the show’s got going. Plus, I fele like Jet explicitly mentioning beef makes it sound like he’s just being a dick to Spike.

However, while the French dub is good, it’s not perfect, so we have some weirdness, as Laughing Bull refers to Asimov as “the red-eyed coyote”, which of course alludes to his drug habit, whereas Spike later calls him “the red coyote”, omitting the eye part. Granted, I realize it’s a nitpick and you could easily explain that away as Spike not remembering fully, but I just like “red-eyed” better.

As I mentioned before, Tijuana is a real place and interestingly, this one has a place called Zona Norte, which also exists in the real Tijuana and is a red light district. Guess the settlers who founded this town must have been Tijuana natives.

And that’s it for this first episode. I hope you liked it, thank you very much if you stuck to the end. I realize this was a long read but since this is the first episode and gives me an opportunity to mention recurring elements from the show, I really wanted to cover everything. Future instalments should be shorter. I’m also hard at work on the next part of the FF8 translarison. That’s gonna be a big’un too, so I’m not sure when it’ll be posted, but the screenshots are all done, promise.

You know, this episode was pretty much the perfect average of everything Cowboy Bebop, and yet it was still one of the heavier episodes of the show. We need some levity to clear the air a bit, so thankfully, next time, it’s all about a cute puppy, in Stray Dog Strut!

* I first saw it in the summer of 2000 when it was shown on a channel called Canal +. It was not actually the first time it was aired over here but I do believe this is when it got really popular, as the channel that first broadcast it was a smaller satellite channel, with satellite television not being very big yet at the time.

[northpolenotes]

Auntieviews Volume 6: Elizabeth Cassidy – The New York Bagel Aunt

Hello there fellow Aunts and Aunties. Welcome back to Auntieviews.  In this volume, I’ll be featuring Elizabeth Cassidy, the founder of Little Love Letters Peaceful Revolution and the self-proclaimed New York Bagel Aunt.

  I have known Elizabeth for roughly 20 years.  We first met back in the late 90’s when I was a bratty teenager.  She was best friends with my dear Uncle David.  For a short period of time, he was living with me and my family after relocating from Arizona.  One day, Elizabeth came over for a visit.  Now, it’s been said to me as an adult that I’m not exactly the warmest person upon first meeting me.  I was no different as a teenager.  I’m much like a dog.  I have to size you up and take a sniff or two before I decided we can be friends.  After that, I’m quite loving and loyal.  But since my Uncle loved Elizabeth and she wisely wore deodorant that day, I decided it was okay to let her into the house. 

  Elizabeth struck me as a free-spirited and forward-thinking woman.  She was quick-witted, approachable, and honest.  It was no wonder she was friends with my Uncle.  And though I didn’t know it that day, I soon came to realize that meeting her would turn out to be a very important part of my upbringing.  Shortly after meeting Elizabeth, my Uncle David passed away from AIDS.  I was only 14 when I was hit by this devastating tragedy.  An emotional floodgate washed over me.  I didn’t even know my Uncle was sick.  Within hours of first being told the truth about his condition, he was gone.  I was broken.  I felt robbed of a relationship that I was just beginning to form.  I couldn’t make heads or tails of his death and I needed every bit of support I could get.  It was Elizabeth who stepped up to be there for me as an Auntie by choice.  She was there for me to help put the pieces of my shattered heart back together again.    She reached out to me consistently, consoled me, and told me stories about him that I’d never heard before.  Through her, I felt like I still had part of my Uncle with me. 

  Even though I haven’t had my Uncle with me for quite some time, and the pain of his death still brings me to tears, there’s a silver lining.  I had a strong Auntie for emotional support who to this day still manages to keep his memory alive.  Thank you, Elizabeth.

  It’s because of this unique relationship that I share with her that I felt she was a great candidate for Auntieviews.  Without further ado, let’s get started getting to know Elizabeth a little better and hear her views on Aunthood.

    Background:

  Elizabeth’s home is located in New York on Long Island, but her heart lives in Manhattan.  She worked in NYC for many years.  She’s pursued many different careers in advertising, standup comedy, and was also a national blogger.  Even with that impressive resume under her belt, she couldn’t help to feel like there was more out there for her.  It was seven years ago she heard fate knocking on the door.  Upon answering it, she was happily reunited with her artwork. 

  She was blogging for skirt!,  a woman’s site that allowed her to write about anything and everything.  At the time, she was a certified life coach and wrote about coaching until she heard about this man named Barack Obama. It was then that she changed her writing about life coaching to social issues here in this country. She believed that we were going in a different direction.  A direction of hope and inclusion.  She never thought things would get this tough and divided in 2016. So now she gets my thoughts out on Social media- Facebook and a certain person who shall remain nameless on Twitter.

  After the Orlando Night Club massacre in June 2016, she founded Little Love Letters: A Peaceful Revolution.  It was then she knew she had to start a peaceful revolution in this stressful times of chaos and dismay.  The business card size cards feature her art and messages of hope or empathy.  Her little cards have had a positive impact on many people worldwide (70,000 and counting).

  Elizabeth has also formed another greeting card business, The Odd Sisters.  She describes herself as an unconventional painter, “I was amazed when these whimsical and soulful faces showed up. I feel each one represents a time in a woman’s life – from childhood memories to #Me Too.”  You can see some of her artwork on her Peaceful Revolution Instagram profile. 

    The Interview:

  Are you an Aunt by relation, choice, or both? How many do you have? 

  I have 13 nieces and nephews and each one of them is a unique and outstanding human being. I have to thank my parents for all they instilled in us growing up because my sisters and brothers raised people who are socially aware and know that they can and should strive to make the world a little better place for all.

How long of you been an Aunt? How old were you when you first became one?

  I have been an aunt for over 35 years. I was 10 when I became an aunt for the first time. Okay, I lie. I was in my 20s when the first baby arrived on the scene. I can still remember how the air felt on my skin that day. It was one of those days that you can play back in your head over and over and still feel excited about how our world had changed by this new little human.

  What do your nieces or nephews call you?

  Right now I am still “Aunt” but I do look forward to just being Elizabeth to them one day. I also have friendly relationships with some of my friends’ kids and what I like is that some of them feel they can confide in me.  I like being the aunt or aunty who will keep their secrets.

  How old are your nieces/nephews now?

  They go from the ages 11 to 39.

  Are you also a mother or childless Aunt? If you were childless is that by choice or by chance?

  I am childless by choice, but there was a time when I did consider becoming a mother with my best friend. I thought who better than to have a child with someone that I trusted and loved unconditionally.  But the gods were not on our side, so maybe in our next life.

  Do you live close to your nieces and nephews or are you a long-distance Aunt?

  Most still live nearby although two are residing in Manhattan, one in DC, one in FL and one in CA. So I can plan vacations around where they live. Just don’t tell them. I love seeing them going and having their own lives, but do miss them.

  As an Aunt what’s the biggest value you feel you bring to the family?

  Because I like to reinvent myself and my life when needed, I show them that you don’t have to stay still. You don’t have to have the life everyone expects you to have. You can go out and have the life that feels right to you. It takes work and a strong back, but the rewards outweigh living someone else’s dreams.

  What is one good piece of advice that you would give it to any new Aunt?

  Love your nieces and nephews unconditionally. There will be enough people out there in the world who will judge, admonish, ridicule and hurt them. Don’t ever betray their trust and always create a safe place for them. 

  What is one of the biggest difficulties you’ve experienced as an Aunt?  How did you overcome it if at all?

  I am proudly the black sheep, the weird kid in the family. Sometimes I did not feel like I was perceived as a shining example of an adult in my family even though I went to college, moved to CA., got great jobs, made lots of money and lived in Manhattan and supported myself. I overcame this by deciding that the only opinion that matters is mine along with a select few. I can’t let other judge and define me. I am at peace with who I am and look forward to getting into more trouble! That ought to make some people cringe.

  What’s your proudest moment as an Aunt?

  Seeing them embrace who they are and going out and living their lives. the world can be a cruel place, so I love to see that move beyond society’s shortcomings and live their truths. And I will always have their backs.

  If you go back in time and give your younger and self a piece of advice but would it be? And why? 

  I would tell myself to keep doing what you are doing because it will take you to where you are right now. I would not want to miss one experience (okay, maybe a few) or not meet the people who embraced you and made you feel loved. Even the ones you will lose made your life’s journey all the more richer. 

  If you had to compare your relationship as an Aunt to one food what would it be and why?

  I am a New York bagel – my exterior can be tough if you leave me out all night, but inside I tend to be soft.   Just don’t overload me with too much cream cheese. I can handle your truth just the way it is.

    Would you like to share your story of Aunthood? 

Use the contact form below and I’ll email you back to get your Auntieview started!

  [contact-form-7]

The post Auntieviews Volume 6: Elizabeth Cassidy – The New York Bagel Aunt appeared first on .

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[nclkafilms]

A Resounding Work of Cinematic Magic

(Review of ‘The Shape of Water’, seen in Nordisk Film Biografer Kennedy in Aalborg on the 22nd of February 2018)

It’s a heartfelt romance, an homage to classic monster films and a gritty cold war thriller. But above all, Guillermo del Toro’s The Shape of Water is a fairytale of the most magical kind. Del Toro who has struggled to gain appreciation for his work after fascinating us all with the stunning El Labyrinto del Fauno (2006), here returns to his winning formula from said film: a magical, escapist fairytale set against the backdrop of brutal, real world events. The Spanish civil war has been changed to the cold war and the space race between the US and the Soviets and in stead of the young Ophelia we follow middle-aged Elisa; a cleaning lady at a top secret US science facility. Apart from this, The Shape of Water is bursts with the same creative grandeur, fable-like imagination and heartfelt emotions that made El Labyrinto del Fauno such a hit. And yet, they are completely different films.

As already said, The Shape of Water, follows Elisa Esposito; a mute, whose shy and somewhat introvert personality suits her job as the cleaning lady, who has to simply just blend in and clean without observing or engaging with anything in the science facility she works in together with regular colleague Zelda. At home she spends her days with the same routines and usually together with her equally secluded neighbour, Giles, who is a now downcast artist living alone with his cats. One day, however, the regular routines and repetitive everyday life of Elisa is turned upside down as a new “asset” is brought into the facility; a strange man-like fishy creature with whom Elisa quickly forms a special bond centred around their common lack of speaking abilities. The asset, however, is shrouded in mystery as it is heavily guarded and tortured by new head of security, Richard Strickland, who is attached to find out what secrets the creature holds and how it can help the Americans win the space race with the Russians. As things escalate, all characters are forced to take a stand and decide which side they are on with the risk of grave, personal consequences.

As the main character, Elisa, Sally Hawkins delivers one of the most profound and stunning performances of recent years. To do so without uttering a single word throughout the film is a proof of just how good an actress she is. She perfectly captures the shy yet confident nature of the introvert Elisa as she suddenly finds a true confidant in the amphibian man who - with her own words - sees her for who she is and not what she lacks. Her performance is as powerful as it is heart-wrenchingly fragile. I, for one, completely believed in the character and her growing relationship to the odd creature; Hawkins’ mannerisms and use of body language was deeply fascinating and complex. A necessary level of performance for the film and story to work; casting  when it is done to perfection!

Opposite her is the “two men in her life” (which is beautifully shown in a panning shot from outside their neighbouring apartments in the second half of the film) is veteran Richard Jenkins as Elisa’s neighbour Giles and Del Toro’s recurring “creature man” Doug Jones as the amphibian man. Jenkins turns in a scene stealing performance as the odd, suppressed gay friend who struggles to realise the exact nature of any of his interhuman relationships. He is also the comic relief in a quite a few instances and his chemistry with Hawkins is simply heartwarming. Jones, whose job is obviously somewhat hidden by the mix of prosthetics and CGI, manages to pour a lot of humanity into the scales of the water creature. His body language shifts fiercely from delicate curiosity towards Elisa to frighteningly brutality when threatened. Make no mistake; this is the work of Jones and a testament to abilities as an actor. He strikes a magical chemistry with Hawkins.

The remaining, stellar cast is made up of Octavia Spencer, Michael Shannon and Michael Stuhlbarg. Spencer, although slightly typecast, delivers her best performance since The Help as the constantly talking and loyal friend to Elisa, Zelda, who is often given the job of putting words to Elisa’s gestures. Shannon, however, is a manic powerhouse constantly balancing on the edge of blatant over-acting as the embodiment of the cynical America; demeaning towards each and every other character and brutally violent, he acts with such a nerve that he carries the cold war thriller aspect of the film on his perfectly capable shoulders. Opposite him in this part of the story, is Michael Stuhlbarg’s dubious doctor who faces the ethical dilemma of choosing between his chosen way in life or that of the mysterious, fascinating and beautiful creature that speaks to his scientific heart.

All in all, this is cast that strikes a near perfect chemistry between all the central characters making their omission from the SAG ensemble award (they weren’t even nominated) nothing but baffling!

They are, of course, all controlled by a firm, confident and most importantly loving hand from director and writer Guillermo del Toro. In his recent BAFTA acceptance speech he spoke about how monsters had saved him on several occasions and how, in many ways, there were his best friends. This love for and understanding of monsters, the obscure, runs through every vain of this film. It is a work of love and imagination with a level of sincerity towards its subject matter that is extremely refreshing in 2018 Hollywood due to the increasing rarity of exactly this. He is perhaps the best modern storyteller of fairytales and despite some issues here and there in the story (e.g. a slightly rushed initial romance and some lose elements) the overall magic of the film quickly made me forget about this. Fairytales has never been about waterproof storylines that has to be 100% believable; quite the contrary. The essence of a fairytale is the magic and the way it mirrors the real world and here, The Shape of Water, serves as no less than an exquisite example.

Be aware, though, that this is very much an adult fairytale. Where El Labyrinto del Fauno was seen from the perspective of a child, this is an adult film from start to beginning. Sexual tension and desire is recurring topic whether it is in Elisa’s daily bath routines, Giles’ misunderstood relation with the local café’s servant or Strickland’s need to control women. The sexuality of the story comes to a beautiful conclusion ultimately captured in a single shot of a bus window. The film also takes on many relevant political issues with suppressed individuality perhaps the biggest of them all: Elisa being an outsider due to her disability, Zelda experiencing racial discrimination, and Giles struggling to find acceptance for his sexuality. As highlighted by Octavia Spencer it is actually quite beautiful to see how the african-american woman and suppressed homosexual man becomes the voices of wisdom for the lonely Elisa as they take on the cynicism of the militarised world they live in.

Visually each and every frame of this film is pure eye candy thanks to the masterful cinematography by Danish Dan Laustsen (actually from my home town) and the imaginative, creative and beautiful production design by Paul D. Austerberry. The film has an estimated budget of just below $20,000,000, but the (mostly) physical sets looks like it was much more expensive than this, which is simply awe-inspiring in a time where CGI seems to be the main solution with budgets continuing to blow through the roof. The Shape of Water, is also a feast for the ears thanks to a whimsical, subtle and moving score by Alexandre Desplat, who once again shows why he is one of the absolute best in his field right now.

The film received no less than 13 Oscar nominations and is sure to go home with some of these. Whether it will win Best Picture or not is a big question (del Toro seems quite certain for Director), but no matter what del Toro has certainly found the appreciation he has longed for from Hollywood and it is a remarkable feat that this was done without the film feeling like anything but a del Toro film through and through. It’s a work of love and a celebration of the human nature. How should we deal with the darkness of the real world monstrosities? Del Toro’s answer always seems to be through the beauty and love of imagination. Thanks to this, he has created the perfect escape that simply HAS to be seen in the darkness of the cinema that hasn’t seen magic like this for years.

5/5

[chaldeluxe]

Remembrance of Scorched Earth ____________

// FLASHBACK CAMPFIRE SCENE. //

Vlad III:  What’s the matter? Can you not sleep, my friend? 

Vlad III: I told you to leave tonight’s watch to me. You’ve a body that needs sleep. It’s better to rest in preparation for the ‘morrow. 

Vlad III: Hm… ? You wish to hear a tale of my time before I became a Heroic Spirit? … I’ll permit it despite how whimsical you are.

Vlad III: I haven’t a single anecdote to recite about myself. Nor any boastful stories to tell. 

Vlad III: In order to purge those who carried out their own injustice, I donned this armor and became a beast that committed those very same atrocities. 

Vlad III: You won’t find a trace of Vlad III the sovereign in me. As I stand before you now, I am both a warrior and a voyvoda. 

Vlad III: I formed a contract with you as a Heroic Spirit simply because I could sense something smelled of sin. 

Vlad III: Your battle is one that walks with justice. There-under, I can’t allow my spear to waver even in the slightest. 

Vlad III: No principles, no ideals. Just this skewering tool of mine. That’s all there is to speak of me.

Vlad III: …. no. That’s right. I can recall one reason of mine.

Vlad III: A strange vision comes to my mind. Perhaps it’s the fault of this slowly dwindling bonfire. 

Vlad III: Unlike the Heroic Spirits, I have no need of a second wish. Even why I fight beyond death is still unclear to me.

Vlad III: I lost sight of the Lord’s mercy. What I once thought, wasn’t, and what I was had all been forsaken.

Vlad III: From my vassals and their retainers’ virtuous souls to my other half, my love who plunged herself from the tower.

Vlad III: I never doubted the grace of God’s love. However, I never imagined to bear witness to it ever again.

Vlad III: …. however. I witnessed a dream. 

Vlad III: Hahahah. Even a Servant can dream, you know? Though our dreams are merely adaptations of “incidents that occurred in our lifetime”.

Vlad III: … however. This was different. No matter how improbable it may be, I dreamt of an event that “didn’t occur in my lifetime”. 

Vlad III: … I dreamt of a lone woman. A woman so thin and deranged, she appeared as if at death’s door.

Vlad III: That woman’s beloved child was stillborn, and it was then that her heart and mind shattered.

Vlad III: She submerged herself in contradiction by refusing to eat out of despair, by only being able to consume that which she truly loved. 

Vlad III: … it goes without saying that she was banished from society. She was then left with naught but to embrace her heresy.

Vlad III: People perish without sustenance.

Vlad III: Killing and consuming others was simply one of the laws of nature. It’s likely that woman managed to deceive herself so.

Vlad III: But until the day of her death, she’d never known the taste of such love.)

Vlad III: … she valued those convictions over her own life. 

Vlad III: … it’s quite the strange tale. It was almost as if I’d caught a glance of the true love I’d lost in her form.

Vlad III: For if such a woman were to exist – I felt I would gladly let hell-fire scorch me once more.

// SCENE CHANGE TO THE PRESENT. //

Vlad III: Nnhn! 

Vlad III: Such hideous undead! Though dead, they yet yearn to eat the flesh of the living!

Vlad III: Sinners who left your prayers behind and for whom no one prays anymore! I won’t tell you to repent!  You’ll simply become prey to my spear instead!

Dr. Roman: Amazing. It’s just a storm of violence over there! His spear isn’t the only deadly thing about him. That armor’s pretty wicked too!

Dr. Roman: He’s like a hedgehog that caught on fire. No, wait, more like a rotating guillotine. Or a human mortar.

[CHOICE]

1. Like black paint dripped on a canvas? 2. Like a snowplowing train?    

Dr. Roman: Yup, yup! It feels like he’s racing straight through, no questions asked!

Mashu: Doctor, Master! That’s enough carefree metaphors! 

Mashu: Please stand back, Lord Vlad! The enemy readings are well over a hundred! We’ll have to withdraw at the next opportunity!

Vlad III: Heh. What are you saying, shield-maiden? You speak as if even a hundred men are enough to bring me down.

Vlad III: At worst a single spear might bore through my entrails and a hundred arrowheads might burrow into this body of mine.

Vlad III: Trifling. How truly trifling. Even a pick-me-up drink would hit harder.

// VLAD GETS ATTACKED. //

Vlad III: Ghh, nnnh – !

[CHOICE]

1. Lord Vlad… ! 2. Lancer… !

Vlad III: Phew, an outstanding blow! My eyes are wide open now! Allow me to return the favor and run my pike through your crotch up your skull!

Monster: FIGIIIIIIIIII

Mashu: ------

Vlad III: What’s the matter? Was this the only one among you with an ounce of courage? Are there none who dare take me on in a duel? 

Vlad III: Then there’s naught left but for me to mow you all down. Though undead, you indeed gave my spear a hard time.

Vlad III: Know that literally, no piece of bone shall remain!

Dr. Roman: Hmmmm, so this is the famed Lord of Impalement. Vlad Tepes was Wallachia’s demonic defender of the state. Once he repelled an army of 100,000 with a mere force of 10,000 men.

Dr. Roman: And it’s not like that story is hard to believe or so. Especially not with these first-row seats.

Dr. Roman: Right now, it’s do-or-die! If you fail to find means to escape, you’re bound to get annihilated!

Dr. Roman: As long as Lord Vlad is alive, there’s no way you can lose here!)

Mashu: This isn’t the time for idol worship! Master, your orders! I’m going in to backup Lord Vlad!

// FIGHT WITH SKELETONS & SHADOW HERACLES. //

Vlad III: They’ve been disposed of. Are you well, my friend?

[CHOICE]

1. Of course. 2. Are you okay, Lord Vlad?

Vlad III: Naturally. As if I could allow myself to offer you such an unseemly sight, my friend. Though that final enemy was tougher than I expected.

Vlad III: However… there’s something vexing about this town.

Vlad III: Though this place was certainly once the stage for a Holy Grail War… did that very same war truly exude this amount of corruption? 

Vlad III: This horrid landscape doesn’t suit this world. Some other catastrophe must’ve brought forth/led to this horrific calamity.

Dr. Roman: Well… I was pretty much wondering that myself. That maybe this is what it’s like when the grail goes totally out of control or something…

Dr. Roman: Actually, since Fuyuki’s Greater Grail had such a superb Magic Core, it’s highly likely that a worst-case scenario occurred here only to blow everything away.

Dr. Roman: But for everything to keep burning on forever like this… it doesn’t really make sense…

Mashu: … did you have any other unanswered questions? Did you notice something unusual and wish to investigate, Lord Vlad? 

Vlad III: I wasn’t carrying out my own investigation, no – I haven’t the means to do such a thing. The corruption that this singularity carries simply left me concerned. 

Vlad III: Something lurks here. A something that I absolutely abhor. I wish to discover the source and destroy it before – 

Dr. Roman: Sorry. We’re totally out of time.  And we’ve already retrieved the grail in that singularity.

Dr. Roman: We can’t just loiter about all we want. The surplus of mana circulating from Shiva is about to run out, too. 

Dr. Roman: I know this’ll feel like an unfinished job for you, but…  do you think we can head on back now?

Vlad III: Pay it no mind, man they call Roman.

Vlad III: While that cowardice is rather unseemly, your daily efforts in undertaking modest tasks haven’t gone unnoticed by me.

Vlad III: Honestly - if only most people displayed diligence like yours. But such is life,unfortunately humans aren’t this simple.

// RAYSHIFT HOME. //

Dr. Roman: Welcome back, Gudako-chan. Lord Vlad is… yeah, it seems he’s back on standby.

Dr. Roman: But, man. I can’t say that’s the sort of Servant I thought you’d ever thrust straight into the middle of our Fuyuki problem.

Dr. Roman: While investigation of the Fuyuki singularity was our focus this time, we’ve got to start prioritizing our efforts towards the next one.

Dr. Roman: It’s finally time for the Seventh Singularity, the ancient time of Uruk.  All of our staff are coming together to carefully investigate the….

Dr. Roman: Oh. What’re you thinking, Gudako-chan? I might be able to offer some advice.

[CHOICE]

1. … I don’t really get Lord Vlad’s reason for fighting…   2. I feel like you’ve explained this before, but…

Dr. Roman: … hmm. The kind of dreams that Servants have, huh.

Dr. Roman: They might be battle records carved into his soul from his time as a Heroic Spirit.

Dr. Roman: That doesn’t necessarily make this a sad story, though. “I felt I would gladly let hell-fire scorch me once more.” —

Dr. Roman: He doesn’t mean he “wishes to suffer once more”. What he’s trying to say is, “I wish to search for that light once more”.

Dr. Roman: Even if he were to die failing to kill his adversary, he still wouldn’t have chosen to take the brilliance he saw in that woman’s ways down with him. 

Dr. Roman: He’s not doing something like that for the sake of his honor or just because it’s a personal resolve.

Dr. Roman: To put it simply, “thou shalt love thyself as thy neighbor.” 

Dr. Roman: He’s always been a firm believer in the inherent good of human souls. Between now and back then, he really hasn’t changed.

[whatthejwang]

I wanted to take some time to reflect on my thoughts and write about them.

Sorry for not appreciating you more. You deserve so much more than I gave you. Sorry I became someone you couldn’t love anymore. I spent too much time focused on the things that I thought mattered but instead I was drifting further away from you. I was self-centered and arrogant, and I used you as a crutch to carry me and validate myself. One of my biggest regrets is using you to justify my 2018 Fall semester. You're right. It wasn't your fault. I ruined that semester for myself. I'm sorry for doing that to you. I spent so much time feeling bad about myself and never did anything about it. I spent so much time doing that, I didn’t have enough time to pay attention to you and your needs. I was selfish. I just kept lying to myself, telling myself that I needed time to relax instead of going over to your place. I let you come over to spend time with me while I did who knows what instead of cherishing what little time we had in our busy schedules. I'm sorry that it always takes you getting fed up with me for me to start changing. I'm sorry that I'm all talk and no action. I want to reevaluate my own life equipped with the understanding that I have gained. I want to start being true to you and myself again.

I want to work on myself and us in the Fall. Sometimes I say things are impossible, because I don’t believe in “nonsense”. When I saw that our schedules didn’t line up, I made plans. But, I was so stupid so I just skated by on the easy answer and said, “I guess we won’t see each other” when deep down, I knew that I could damn well get off my ass and go over to your place and cook you dinner, have some wine, and play a board game. I'm sorry about that.

I know that my lifestyle has been a large issue for you. My energy level has defnitely decreased since we first met, and I have gained a lot of weight since then. I feel tired a lot more often and lead a sedentary lifestyle because of it. I don't want to make excuses to you saying that I have been lacking as a boyfriend because I gained weight and feel bad about myself. I'm making it a goal to get back in shape this summer. Not just for you, but also for me. I miss when I had an abundance of energy and my body felt like it was healthy. I'm pretty sure you know, post workout high is real. I felt like I had so much more energy in the Fall that we met. I also know that I'm kind of a slob. It's a really bad habit of mine, and I'm trying to change it. I hope you'll stick around to see me throw away my trash in the fall. I also want to work on my mental health. I haven't been in a really good mind state and instead of facing my issues, I've packed them away and let them sit there. I want to take control of my life again and deal with the problems that I've been having. I'm sorry that all of this has had this effect on our relationship and you.

I think that there was something lost in translation in my head when I thought that I wanted to date someone completely different from me. I initially wanted to experience new things and get into new interests. But instead, as time went on, I ended up interpreting that as I can have my interests and she can have hers and that’s ok. I somehow twisted that thought into the idea that I don't need to show interest in what you show interest in. Having that talk to you was very eye-opening when you said all of the things that I like and I was, but I couldn't say anything about you. That is one of the emptiest moments of my life. And I'm deeply and extremely sorry about that. I want to take time to learn about you and your goals an passions. It's not you job and not fair for you to just be my cheerleader. Every time you would plan someone or want to go do something, I would’ve just rather stayed in my room. I was comfortable there. I became too complacent in my life and our relationship to see that I was tearing us apart. I can’t change the fact that I never went stargazing with you after that night in the beach. I can’t change the fact that I couldn’t get the idea that you loved that moment through my head. But trust me when I say that I want that. I realize now that there are experiences that I will never get to have if I don’t do them now, while I’m still young and here. I want to share these moments with you. I want to dance around on the beach at 3 in the morning and stargaze. I want to point at the whale that showed you the goods at the aquarium. I want to take a walk in the park. I want to stomp in puddles. I want to hype you up when you walk out into the room with that new outfit on, or when you cut your bangs, or when you're doing drunken history with your friends. I want to travel to new places and see new things. I want to go see a show at the Fox. I want to lean how to stop chasing the money and start chasing my dreams. I want to sing to you, your music or mine, but mainly Ed Sheeran. I want to slow dance in your room, because that shit is cute, and I love you. I want to cook for your again, good food or bad (I know you would prefer good, but sometimes it just happens). I want to talk more. Not about our days or what we want in the future. I want to talk about things on your mind, the whimsical ideas. I really miss just talking about nonsense. I want to surprise you with flowers. I want to show you new foods, hopefully ones that you'll want to eat! I want to take out out to so many more anniversaries. I want to send that good morning/ good night text. I want to ride that huge ferris wheel that we see every single time we try to leave campus. I want to get drunk and go watch comedy. I want to go on weekend trips with you, just us two. I WANT TO TAKE YOU ON DATES AGAIN. Not just dates at Chick-fil-A. This list could go on and on so I think you get the idea. If you want to hear more let me know! I want to stop buying your love, and be your love. I understand that just paying for things isn't good enough. I want to stop protecting you and start loving you for who you are. I want to stop taking myself and my life to seriously. I want to work through my own problems, so I can be better for you. I want to take more interest in your goals and aspirations instead of being so wrapped up in mine that I don't pay attention to you at all. I want to hear your plan to create your own company. I want to see that drawing of a snail that you drew an hour ago, no matter how bad you think it is. I want to become friends with your friends. I want to learn how to care for you again. I want to be there for you, no matter how hectic my life gets. I want to stop taking myself so seriously and love you unapologetically. You make me a better person. If I am able to get one last chance from you, I will turn all of the "want to"s into "will"s. You have my word, however much that means to you now. But know that I am adamant to get my life together and be the best I can be.

I’ve had a girlfriend for the last six or seven months, and I understand now that I want a relationship instead of just “having a girlfriend”. I'm sorry again that it took me this long to realize this when we've been arguing about it for the past couple of month. I'm sorry that I have been reluctant to change. I know this puts you in a hard place, and I'm also sorry about that. I want a relationship where we both contribute to create a rich and meaningful bond between us. I want to communicate effectively. I know that you need your space right now, and I understand that. Please do whatever you need to do to be happy. I want that for you. I want you to reunite with your friends, and discover new things about yourself. But, I want to be a part of your life again if all possible. I want to show you who I really am. Who I am out of my shell. Who you fell in love with in the beginning. It's not your job to coerce me out of it, I just needed a wake up call. I don't want to lose you because of my own inadequacies. I know you said that a relationship shouldn't be this hard. Please let me show you that ours isn't. It has been my fault this whole time. I understand and can admit that now. I want to show you what this relationship could be. Like they say, hindsight is 20/20, if I knew that my actions would cause this, I would've faced myself and forced myself to change for the better a lot earlier. I was lost. Very lost. I now see how much this has affected you and I want to make it up to you. Please call me if you need anything, I just want to chat, as friends no strings attached. You can even set up ground rules. Once again, I'm sorry that it had to come to this for me to realize that without you, nothing else really matters that much. Please don’t cut me out of your life. I can and am going to do better. I know that this is all talk right now, but I'm thinking of this post as a road map to what I need to do to be the best me I can be. I hope I can ask you on a date again come fall and show you how far I've come. Until then, please don’t forget about me. You are the most important thing to me, and I'm sorry that it took me so long to understand and appreciate that. I want to be with you, I want to stand by you, and I want to love you. I want to kiss you and hold you. I will be better. I love you. I love you so much, honey-bun.

P.S. Please call me if you see this, I miss chatting with you.