#humilitation tw

[ashintheairlikesnow]

The Heretic's Chosen, Chapter Four

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three |

CW: Aftermath of noncon/dubcon, nonsexual nudity (or... post-sexual nudity?), mentioned bruises, creepy whumper, intimate whumper

-

Present day

“You don’t believe in Dromada.” Grigori keeps his gaze firmly off to one side, refusing to grant the bastard the privilege of eye contact. Instead, he stares through the barred window at the beautiful day outside. 

Bohli only laughs, straddling Grigori’s hips as he reaches over him to untie his hands from the intricately carved headboard, one by one, before pulling them down to tie them together. Why Bohli bothers, Grigori will never know - it’s not like he can go anywhere, like he could escape this. Put that damn pendant back on and Grigori will look like he’s in love if he’s told to. He’ll feel like he’s in love, and be utterly unable to understand he isn’t.

“No,” Bohli says, voice low and heavy, and Grigori’s mind may shudder at the idea that Bohli will want him again so soon, but his body responds differently. “Or rather… yes, but not the way you think.”

He pulls away, leaving Grigori to shiver in the sudden chill when Bohli’s too-warm body is gone. He sits up, watching Bohli dress in his black leathers while Grigori can only sit there naked, picking at the knots on his wrist without success. “What’s that meant to mean?”

“Well, I believe in Dromada, but I don’t believe in any such thing as your silly human goddess,” Bohli responds easily. His leather slide on like a second skin, and as soon as he has them, Grigori can hardly remember what he looks like without clothing - only a sense of skin absolutely covered with runic tattoos in the elven tongue that he refuses to explain or elaborate on. “Those are two different things, Grigori.”

Bohli is a little flushed from his exertions, his hair a wild mess atop his head, but he doesn’t even bother to try and comb it down. He has a feral look to him, with his narrow chin and hard jaw and sharp teeth, that isn’t attractive, not in the slightest, no matter what Grigori’s immensely traitorous body thinks.

“No, they’re not,” Grigori says. Before he can finally work one knot open and free himself, Bohli is back in front of him, pulling him to his feet on shaky legs. His hips hurt, his lower back aching in a soft way that might have been sweet, if any of this was what he wanted. 

Isn’t it, though, by now? He could be fighting harder than this.

But he doesn’t.

As days pass, he fails to see the point in trying. At least his mind is wiped clean, for a few perfect minutes, each time Bohli overcomes his resistance. At least he has peace, briefly, before all his self-loathing rises again. 

“Hm?” Bohli blinks, pulling Grigori’s knuckles to his lips, giving each one a gentle kiss that has Grigori’s fingers twitching in an urge to throw a punch that he knows damn well won’t land, just to say he did it. Just to keep fighting. “What do you mean?”

“Well, Dromada is the human goddess of forgiveness,” Grigori says, slowly, frowning and jerking his hands back from Bohli’s grip. The half-elf… man… whatever he is, laughs and ties a new rope to the short bit of slack between Grigori’s wrists, backing up while jerking on the makeshift leash to force Grigori to stumble forward, naked and sweaty and marked from Bohli’s attentions, with lips still red and thighs still shaking. “Wait, what-... what are you doing-”

“Taking you for a walk,” Bohli says cheerfully, continuing backwards to the door, yanking Grigori into the hallway even as he starts trying to drag his feet.

As lean as he looks, though, Bohli has inhuman strength, and no amount of struggle keeps Grigori within the relative safety of his room.

No, his feet stumble onto the thick, heavy rug that runs the length of the hallway, and his face flushes a deep dark red as he sees two of the bandit gang turn to look before they burst into laughter and murmur to each other.

Bohli keeps him moving, away and not towards the two who still direct their laughter at Grigori’s back. 

Grigori’s heart pounds in his chest, he’s dizzy from rage and humiliation as they pass bandits in ones and twos, down the hall, down the stairs, and out the front door of this ramshackle home for evil out into the sunshine. Every single bandit laughs at him - he knows all their darkest sins, they come to confession regularly whenever Bohli commands it, and they don’t lie. They want him to know the depravations they pursue, they want him to see the wicked natures of their hearts. 

He knows the worst things they have ever done, and yet here, they laugh at him - and he can do nothing. As far as they're all concerned, he is just Bohli's bedtoy and prisoner, here to amuse, here to be ground under their feet, here to give Bohli his basest desires to play with, a holy man to turn into profane perversion.

Not that he feels holy any longer.

Please, he prays, but Dromada doesn’t listen. Maybe She can’t hear him in the Kaila, maybe the woods are beyond Her ability to reach. Maybe that’s why mankind stays away from the darkness here, the trees older than time, the first forest to have ever existed. The place where the elves once came from, before they were chased back into it, before they were destroyed.

Or were they?

Please save me. I will be your priest again, and I will not waver this time. Please, please, goddess, please. 

She gives him nothing.

The sun, at least, is warm on his hair and skin, and the grass is soothing and soft under his bare feet. Bohli tips his head back and Grigori watches his eyes close as he seems to preen and flower under the heat and light coming from the bright blue sky. Grigori looks wrecked, like a whore after serving in the war-tents for the soldiers.

You are a whore, now. You know that, right?

He forces his own thoughts away. Grigori knows he looks destroyed, torn apart, scratched to bleeding, bitten to bruising, slapped to redness on his arse and face according to Bohli’s depraved lusts. But Bohli… looks pristine. There’s no red marks on him, no bruise. Nothing to show what he's done.

Only his lovely, sharp face and his bright, shining smile.

As if Grigori had simply fucked himself into this appearance, and Bohli had stood by above it all.

“I hate you,” Grigori says aloud, hardly realizing he’s done so until Bohli opens his eyes and turns to look at him, looking faintly surprised. 

“What?” Grigori’s heart quakes, just a little, at the way Bohli’s smile drops off like it was chalk washed away by rain, and something in those dark eyes turns coldly elven, all his humanity simply gone like it’s only a mask he wears and he can take off at will.

“You… you heard me,” Grigori says, and somehow his voice stays steady. There are more bandits out here - the ones patrolling the edges of the clearing, guarding against wildlife that might try to make its way in. A few simply sitting out on the grass enjoying pints of beer they make themselves here from stolen grain. He knows they’re looking while pretending not to look, seeing the marks on his body, knowing their leader put them there. “I hate you. You have-... you have ruined me.”

For a moment, those black eyes on his feel like voids he might fall into and drown.

Then Bohli throws his head back and laughs so loud that a flock of birds is startled out of the trees nearby and takes flight with raucous caws and the beat of wings.

He keeps laughing, the bastard, his knees folding and then giving out until he falls onto the ground, jerking the rope until Grigori is pulled down, too, to land on his hands and knees on the grass. Someone calls out something filthy about what they could do with him out here like this, and his face burns. Tears are hot beyond his eyelids and he works as hard as he can to ignore them.

Bohli is still laughing, airy and breathless, as he drops onto his back, turning his head to look at Grigori with appraising, glimmering eyes. “Gods below, you thought I would care. See, Brother Grigori-”

“How dare you call me that!”

“-this is why I like you so much! You are a fucking treat. I’m so glad we let you live. I’m so, so glad I found you. You’re a beauty, and you’re mine. Now that’s a gift from the gods, don’t you think? My very own dirty little priest.”

“I-I’m no longer-”

“Oh, you still are one. Just because I have taken all your sacred parts and sanded them down to mud doesn’t mean you aren’t still a priest of Dromada, my pretty little man. You are a pure man turned to slut at my command, and that's all I need you to be, really. Come here.”

Grigori sets his jaw, knowing it won’t matter. But he can’t force himself to move, and he has to make Bohli work for this, even if he isn’t sure why he bothers. “No.”

“I said, come here, little priestling.” Bohli's smile shifts again, fades a little.

“And I said no.”

They stare at each other, for one long breath of silence broken only by the wind in the trees and the fading calls of the fleeing birds. Then Bohli’s smile widens so much that he seems like the stories of sea monsters and sharks, a mouth full of rows of endless teeth, black eyes that take in light but don’t reflect it. “Oh, Brother Grigori,” Bohli breathes, lighting up with new desire. “If you want me to take you again so badly, you should just say so.”

“What?” Grigori’s eyes widen in shock and new horror. He still hurts, he still throbs. “No!” He throws himself backwards, and Bohli isn’t expecting it - the rope slips through those long fingers fast enough to make the half-elf wince before Grigori is on his feet and fleeing, still naked, towards the woods.

Others in the bandit group stand, but Bohli holds up a hand. “Let him go,” He says, voice bright, getting softer as Grigori runs. “I’ll give him a ten-minute head start, let's see how he begs for me to take him back once I catch him.”

Grigori hears more laughter, but he ignores it, making the edge of the clearing in only a few seconds. He’s always been a good runner, fast and strong. He used to race some of the others in circles around the temple, see who could do the most laps in the shortest amount of time. His breath burns his lungs as he things, unwillingly, about his brother priests, the family murdered by the same bandits who keep him here as a sort of toy for their amusement, who shred him body and soul, day by day, to… what? Prove some point about their hatred of the goddess?

To prove some mysterious point to the King, a man Grigori has never met, who no one has ever seen in person outside the palace and the battlefield?

He runs, half-blinded by tears that come unbidden, that he can't quite seem to force away. He runs as if fleeing the flames that had burned down the only life he ever knew and left him to dissolution, to being preyed upon by a creature of such absolute devotion to degradation.

The trees at first seem natural and normal, but as Grigori runs straight into the woods, the Kaila begins to crowd around him. The sunlight grows dimmer, blocked by the grand canopies of the trees that loom over his head. After a couple of miles, maybe three, the canopy is so thick that it seems as dark as night around him. Things crash away from him through the woods, wildlife startled by him into fleeing. 

His feet hurt, sharp pains as he keeps stepping on things he can’t see through the underbrush. He's panting like a child - or like a man who hasn't been allowed to run in a year.

By now, he knows, Bohli is after him, tracking his trail through the trees. Grigori comes to a stop, looking around himself and realizing he has no idea how far he will need to go to find one of the safe paths through the Kaila.

Or if there even is one in this direction.

He takes a breath through lungs that burn, realizing he can’t even give up and turn around and go back. He has no idea which direction he’s come from, and no idea which direction to go. His rebellion may be simply to die, lost in the dark forest that is damnation to man, doomed to wander as just another trapped spirit caught here between the trees, subjected to the whims of the lingering traces of the elven gods and their terrible cruel amusements.

But at least he will have wiped that smile off Bohli’s face, taking from him his toy and breaking it where he cannot follow, the bastard.

Grigori squares his shoulders, looks around, and walks in a direction at random, heading for the sound of some kind of stream he can hear, picking his way more carefully now that the panic has subsided. Do elves track by scent? Bohli might, if they do… he doesn’t know. But it can’t hurt to stop for a drink of water before he moves on anyway.

Show me the way, he prays. He pleads, he throws every last remaining shred of belief he has in Her mercy into his mental voice. Please, my goddess, I have worshiped you since I was an infant. Save me. Please, please save me.

She doesn’t answer.

She hasn’t answered him since the day his brothers all died and he was spared by a trick of fate.

Still, he keeps moving.

His last act as Dromada’s Chosen, he supposes, will be simply to take from a wicked man something he wanted for his own. It’s not much.

It’ll have to do.

If he’s very, very lucky, he’ll get Bohli so lost he dies in here, too.

-

Tag list:

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @arlin-always-writing @sunshiline-writes @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @befuddled-calico-whump

[schakira]

from the very depths of my core, i truly have had enough of men. i'm going to speak honestly here, and i really don't care if it seems excessive — i'm allowed to speak my mind on my blog. being a gay man is currently my most humiliating experience. to think that men would abuse of my kindness, manipulate me, lie to me, cheat on their boyfriends just to treat me like a weird fucking side piece, damn near sexually assault me, blackmail me, humiliate me... there was a time where a man touching me would make me feeling butterflies in my stomach but now a single touch feels like fucking needles on my skin.

to think i'd go through the humiliating experience of being in the closet, keeping myself from living my life freely, all to be insulted by my family, lose friends, and for men to absolutely treat me like shit? like a fucking object? do you guys only think with your dicks? and actually while i'm at it, that shit fucking annoys me. do you all just talk about dick and fucking and sucking 24/7? i get the sexual liberation but why is it that when i try to have a normal conversation, some guy tries to make it sexual. can't we speak earnestly? do you truly only desire sex from me? how is that treating me with the respect i deserve; i don't WANT you to see me sexually i want you to love me. when have we started confusing the two? you think i came out just for me to treat me like a fucking piece of meat? risked losing my family just for dick?

and while i'm on the fucking kinkshaming train, how is it normal to have such desires for weird relationships of power? raceplay? fucking raceplay? do you guys have to paint racist caricatures for your sexual desires is that something you oughta be proud of? the amount of guys that either want me to the be their big black daddy dick (DIE), or submissive black slave n*gger bottom (some words that were actually said to me...) and how you lot picture muslim men as fucking barbaric like some macho fantasy...? and then you TALK like you're proud of having those weird ideals? and how men would pursue me for being small and looking younger than my age? the amount of old men hitting on me when i looked fucking 15 at 19 years of age. the amount of nudes i received from random old men on the internet — how is that fucking fair? do i have to just sit down and act like that's normal, like we don't have to do better as a community? "blah blah no i dont wanna be a puritan blah blah" — i'm talking about establishing a baseline for respect? something that will make people treat me like a human being worthy of respect? and not a fucking sexual object? hello? does my consent mean nothing anymore?

to think i had to sit a man down, tell him "you damn near sexually assaulted me" and then he had the gall the fucking audacity to say "you're crazy you must be thinking of somebody else you were into it" i think you have to physically restrain me from not beating his ass to a fucking pulp. and now i have to what? live with that fucking nauseating feeling for the rest of my fucking life. and that's not even the worst thing that has happened to me but i don't wanna talk about it. there are men ON HERE that have truly destroyed my fucking self-esteem and i won't find any peace of mind unless i have a proper fucking apology

[aseasonwithclarasblog]

Food Before Ballet Class

hello everyone. :) hope you enjoy today’s snippets. If you have any ideas for prompts feel free to send them my way Dancers please don’t take offense to the beginning of this, I love you <3

8 weeks into Jack’s captivity

tw: human degrading, mentions to self trauma/training, self degrading, pet whump, collars, emotional manipulation, pet whump, public humiliation. (sorry don’t really know what else to add really tired)

Previous // ~ Jack Masterlist ~

~~~~~~~~~~

Even before his training Jack never understood the point of dancing.

Dancing: people looking like idiots on a stage.

They wave their arms around to draw attention to their face. And their facial expressions were all different.

Some dancers looked fake with this plastered smile on their faces which couldn’t possibly have been real. Others didn’t smile at all, which led to them looking a bit dead inside. Then again what was more awkward, looking fake or showing you were a fake?

Jack had shifted from that too. When he first came he looked like a fake pet, now everyone in the household knew he was a fake pet.

Then again, what’s your definition of that word, fake?

One week before Lily went back to school. Her dance lessons started. He tried to ignore the idea of watching the girl dance. Not that he didn’t want to watch Lily. He didn’t want to watch the dancing part. All he could remember about dancing and his former life was how incredibly boring it was.

But it came apparent as she asked him every day to come to watch her dance. She had started the question three weeks in advancement to her first class.

He never said no, he wouldn’t. Yet he never said yes, he would. He didn’t know what to say. The choice wasn’t his to leave the house. But he didn’t have one owner. Lily barely owned him compared to the other three women.

While Mrs. Richardson was fine with the idea, Victoria was heavily against the concept and made her opinion clear to everyone, including Lily. At one point making her cry.

She was grounded for the rest of that day.

She made Jack stay in her room as she was stuck there too. She gave him threats while cutting his skin. To stay home so they could have more fun. He didn’t say no He didn’t say yes.

That made her upset at him though. She hurt him more when he didn’t answer. He didn’t know whether he liked or hated that. He was learning that it felt good at the moment, but after there were dull pains that stayed.

He was starting to learn that a lot of things were like that too. Something may be good at the moment, but later the effects of his choices would start becoming dark and he’d regret it.

Then one night she decided to try out a new tactic. Jack was sitting against the table leg lightly tapping his head against it. Bored and hungry. Victoria noticed, rubbing her fingers together. “Come here Jack, are you hungry?” He nodded a bit while looking over at her. “Listen to instructions. Come here.” She chuckled.

He started to stand up before she tched softly. “No no. You’re a pet, aren’t you? Crawl to me.” Her mother looked over at her before chuckling and nodding.

His cheeks flushed a bit before going over on his hands and knees. He stopped next to Victoria and she carded her hand through his hair, he leaned into the touch, shaking a bit.

As oddly gentle as she was being, it hurt.

It hurt because he was made for pain. And his senses were switched so sweet and kind touch hurt.

People don’t want to hug you.

People don’t want to touch you.

People don’t want a wretched thing like you…

People want to hurt you.

You were made to be hurt.

You were made for p a i n.

His body and mind started going to war and he closed his eyes while rocking back and forth in hunger and fear. His stomach twisting in knots from the conflicting emotions.

“Aww, adorable aren’t you~.” Victoria squished his cheeks together, that awful singsong he hated, making him whine. Lily giggled quietly. Not seeing anything wrong with what was going on.

Victoria smiled at her sister as she pushed his hair out of his face before lowering a fork to his level, he immediately ate the food. Mashed potatoes and gravy. It was warm and it tasted so good. Closing his eyes as she played with his hair. Quietly shaming him before every bite until his face and neck were a scarlet color of blush and her plate was empty.

She let go and stood, leaving the room. Like nothing had happened.

Jack sighed softly before going back to Lily and leaning against her chair. She patted his head like she saw her sister doing. The feeling was nice, just enough to not feel too good or too painful. He felt their mother’s eyes on him so he tried hard not to smile.

~~~~~~~~~~

Mrs. Richardson allowed Jack to go to one week up Lily’s dance practices. When school started he wouldn’t go to the dance studio anymore.

She told him he would be going, and he nodded. That was the end of their conversation.

Surprising himself, he was excited the day they were going. He realized they would have to walk outside to get to the car and he would get to be in the sunlight. As he stepped out the front door the sun welcomed him with warmth and the air sent a cheery breeze his way. He stopped halfway to the car, taking a deep breath while smiling.

He missed the outdoors

Lily saw his smile and bounced up and down, making her tutu puff out.

Her mother didn’t see it. Pulling him lightly by the D ring on his collar. He quickly started walking to the car again and she let him get in the back with Lily.

The ride there was wonderful, he got to have his window down a crack and leaned against it, even when it was starting to hurt his skin from how hot it was he stayed like that.

It was so warm and he forgot how comfortable the car was.

When they arrived it was a much bigger building than he would have thought. He followed the two to the room where Lily would be dancing.

She giggled while waving before going into the class, running over and nearly tackle-hugging one of her friends. Jack smiled lightly before Mrs. Richardson pointed at a seat a bit further back from the window. He nodded before going to sit down, if he kept his back straight he could just manage to see the girls in the room over the other adults sitting on the couch in front of the window.

He smiled to himself with his hands in his lap. He saw Lily giggling before they warmed up, holding onto a bar. He had no idea why and thought it looked silly. But he wouldn’t say so if it would upset his little friend though.

After a while of them moving their arms and feet around, they went to the middle of the room. Sitting in a circle and talking, more laughter which he couldn’t hear from the soundproof room. He found himself just hearing pieces of conversations from the mothers.

“Oh, she’s so cute!”

“They had to have ‘salmon-colored tights…’ Why not just plain white or pink ones?”

“Aw, your daughter is beautiful…”

“You wouldn’t think leotards would be so expensive!”

“Here I’ll put my number in your phone…”

He was starting to doze before hearing Mrs. Richardson says his name. He opened his eyes to find all the women staring at him.

“Awh, he has the cutest eyes.” One of the women practically cooed. Jack must have made a face because all the women started laughing.

“What type is he?”

“I have no idea.” Mrs. Richardson sighed. “My mother simply called him a pain pet.” She rolled her eyes. “At least the pathetic thing doesn’t need to be fed.”

“Well, I can see that. His shirt is so loose!”

“Ya, you can practically see his wrist bone.”

“My eldest fed him some dinner last night. A few spoonfuls. And I know Lily gives him desserts sometimes. Not like we don’t feed him at all.” She sighed while shaking his head. “Lily is fond of him.”

The conversation changed back to her daughter, and then to the other girls. But he kept getting glances from the other woman. Most of them had this predatory look and it made him uneasy like they were analyzing his every breath.

The class was an hour-long so when she was done she ran straight out, hugging Jack first before her mother. The other woman made a comment about it but Jack ignored it while hugging Lily. Gently nuzzling her head.

“Did You see me! Did you see me dance!” He nodded but she was already running off to her mom, asking the same question.

“I did see you, darling. You did so beautifully.” Lily giggled happily as her hair was played with affectionately. “Let’s go home, yes?” She smiled as her daughter nodded.

The drive back she was just as talkative as before. Telling them all about her teacher and new friends. The two adults engaged in the conversation as Jack rested his head against the window, falling asleep after a bit.

When Lily noticed she stopped talking. Patting Jack’s hand which was on his leg before smiling while looking out the window.

As they pulled up to the house she looked up at her mother. “When will Daddy be back?”

“Tuesday love.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Written on June 4th, 2021

Next // ~ Jack Masterlist ~

[its-my-whump]

“I’m on my way. Just hold on a little longer”

Bleeding out | In and out of consciousness  | Voice cracking

TW: injured friend, listen to someone's suffering, uncertainty

"Talk to me bud. Okay? I need you to talk to me. If I can't see your ugly mug. At least let me hear your scratchy voice, kid!"

It was his desperate try to get a response from his bleeding friend at the other end of the line.

"M kay." The voice was quiet, penetrated by pain. He sounded so damn weak. A cought. It sounded... wrong. Not like someone "just" coughed. It sounded too... wet, too straining. It sounded like his friend was holding on for dear life just to get a proper breath in.

"I’m on my way. Just hold on a little longer Okay?!"

Only panting, much too shallow. An undecipherable noise was the answer, but at least there was a response at all. That was good enough for him. Another cough. His lung had collapsed. He didn't need to see, he could hear it and it was making his skin crawl.

"Buddy. Tell me something, just anything. Your favorit football team, your worst date, your most humilitating moment. I swear I'll make it up to you. You just need to stay conscious, you hear me..." There was a shift in the strained breathing on the phone.

"...Buddy?!"

Nothing.

"Bud?....

...KIDDO!! GODDAMMIT. TALK! TO! ME!"

... A painful inhale at the other end of the line. Just hearing the strain and agony in such an essental bodyfunction was burning a hole in own heart. Another cough. The struggle was so clearly audible, his mind simultaneously was painting the distorted face and form resulting in that sound. He flinched.

"M here...still heeer..." The voice was even more quiet than before. Every strained cough seemed to be cutting his thin resources in half.

"Mm a'right. Jst trrd." His voice was cracking. A noise like something slumped, then nothing.

"Bud?...

I'm coming for you. Please, hold on!"

My whumptember2023 masterlist

[ao3feed-ateez]

Going deep

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/BaDWIdq by Kibumlover113 - Just don't try to shit yourself. We'll play rough. - said San.   TW gays, rough sex, dubcon. Words: 1111, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: ATEEZ (Band) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Categories: M/M Characters: Choi San (ATEEZ), Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ) Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung (ATEEZ) Additional Tags: LGBT, MxM - Freeform, BL, Anal, Gay, rough, blowjob, humilitation, Degradation, dubcon, Dom/sub, slut, Porn, ATEEZ - Freeform, choisan - Freeform, San - Freeform, wooyung, jungwooyoung - Freeform read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/BaDWIdq

[after-witch]

Hello 🌹

TW// Do you think chrollo is going to hurt darling's feelings at some point? Like punishing her, humiliating her, or any other way that hurt Darling's feelings so badly?

Imagine Darling sitting on the cold floor crying and/or screaming while Chrollo just stands and watches

I think he might, to teach a lesson or punish his darling if they've stepped too far out of line or are consistently combative to the extent that it hampers his enjoyment of them. He wants a pleasant experience with them. And yeah I think he can't help but fuck with them on some level even if they're behaving, but, definitely a far cry between him wanting to push darlings buttons and genuinely hurting them on a higher level.

So related, the original ending for Act of Contrition was actually Chrollo doing this--getting reader all hyped up, letting them dress up, put on makeup, get giddy and talk about the show they were going to see... then driving them to some empty parking lot, telling them there was no show, and taking them home. And the silent ride home is just... agonizing. Humiliating and hurtful. Everything they felt happy about (the soft feel of the dress, the smell of makeup on their skin, the wafting perfume, etc) is suddenly humilitating.

Same directive as what I ended up going with, though. He wanted them to realize they could be happy with him, but in the original draft's case, it was more "I can give you all that and not take it away, if you'll just be agreeable."

But I decided to go with a more slick manipulation that let them experience that happiness, and feel guilty and weird about it, instead.

[octopus-reactivated]

Title Me Miss

Tw/cw: Pet whump, hunger, low-self estem

__________

Miss Decima’s friend opened the door to backseat. Miss let him go and suddenly it felt so cold without her holding him. Pet understood he’s expected to sit there - not in the trunk - so he walked in and curled on the floor. To his surprise Mis didn’t sit on the backseat with him under her feet. He lifted his eyes - not enough to look at Miss or sir Justin, that would be bad -and saw they stood here, silent and scary. Were they disappointed in him? Disgusted by how awful he looked?

“I meant… on the seat” said Miss.

So he did disappoint her again! And in front of her friend on top of that! He didn’t know car seats were not furniture, but it didn’t excuse him. Miss will punish him so harshly to make sure her dumb pet will never humilitate her in front of her friend again. He quickly fixed himself

Sir Justin came and restrained him with a seatbelt. Pet stayed as still as possible to show he is good, he can be good, his Miss is not a bad owner who can’t control her Pet…

“Don’t worry. You’re not in any trouble” said sir Justin

He wasn’t in trouble? But he was a bad Pet! Maybe Sir wasn’t bothered by that? Or maybe it just meant he is not in trouble with HIM? And Miss will decide it on her own? It was so confusing. Or maybe he meant “you're not a trouble”? Maybe he was reassured he is good so far. Or maybe it was a subtle way of telling “you better not be a trouble”?

Sir Justin patted him on the head and sat on the driver seat and Miss Decima in the front row, next to him. So it looks like they considered restraints as enough to stop him. Not like he would even try to run away, never ever.

Sir Justin started the car, but then the engine cut out. He let out an annoyed sigh. Pet trembled. When humans are angry or annoyed, Pet's duty was to give them stress relief, but he couldn't. He already was up to punishment for disappointing Miss!

No.

Bad Pet.

It’s not up to him to decide if he deserves punishment or not. If Miss decides he needs correction he will take it without a fight. He might be scared but he won’t be disrespectful.

The car finally started off. The city landscape moved behind the window. Pet took a few glances but he wasn't sure if he was allowed and he didn’t want to risk it, so the rest of the journey he spent staring at the floor. He tried not to think about hunger, but it was so hard to focus on anything else. He had a meal before getting transported to the shop. It was… four days ago? Now let’s assume Miss will tell him the rules right after coming home. Average Pet would learn them in span of one day, but he is stupid so it will take two… or thee days. After learning rules he will have to show he can be good… and it was hard to speculate what his new owner will consider satisfying. Let’s say it will take another four days for him to get anything right. So it will be around a week until he will earn any food. He held back a whimper. Things would be so much easier for him if he wasn’t so hopeless.

Then the car stopped, he heard a short “we’re here” and the door opened. He waited until Owner removed the restrins and told him he could leave.

They were in front of a big, nice house. Maybe he was supposed to be a guard dog? He didn’t see any shack where he could sleep. Was he supposed to sleep without any protection? In the shop he at least was warm…

No, he wasn’t in a shop anymore and he was so lucky to be wanted that he could sleep outside. Maybe if Miss will see his commitment he will be allowed inside on the coldest days?

__________

Decima considered sitting in the backseat, but maybe the boy needed some time alone? She probably was intimidating to him. Justin started the car, or tried to start, because the engine made a weird noise and shut down. Justin sighed. “It’s a new car”

“Oh? I’m sorry if…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I just have to get used to the new car.”

“Okay if you say so… Do you like potato salad? I have some at home”

“I do, but I'm afraid I can't stay.”

“You can’t?”

“Sorry. Mom needs help.”

“Oh. Well then, have a good time. Tell your mom i said hi”

“Sure. I will come tomorrow or overmorrow with some old clothes I don't use. It will be better than whatever he is in now”

“Thank you but i’m not sure… if he will enjoy wearing suits all the time”

“I have more casual clothing you know?”

“And you classify them as ‘old clothes i don’t use’?”

“You want them or not?”

“I want them, I want them! l inform you how parenting is going”

“Absolutely. Talking about parenting, you have to name him”

“I do, but head empty”

“Let’s think about it. You remember how in ancient Rome they often named kid by the name of their father?”

“Of course i remember, i was there” she said sarcastically

“My point is we can use it. Your second name is Julia right? So the son’s name would be Julius”

“Works for me. How would a shortened name sound?”

“I don’t know if it would have any”

“What about ‘Juli’?”

“It’s cute. But don’t ask me, ask him”

“you’re right”

The car took last turn and they stopped in front of Decima’s house

“One last thing” Justin said

“Hmm?”

“You two sleep in separate rooms, is that clear?”

__________

He hopped out of the car, automatically going on all-fours, but he got corrected into walking upright. Miss conducted him into home.

“Did you listen to our talk in the car?”

“No, Miss” I was good

“So summarising we thought about a name for you. Do you like the sound of ‘Juli’?”

First day and he already got a name? This is more kindness than he could ever expect to. He pressed forehead to the floor.

“Yes, thank you Miss. I cannot express my gratuity for it” Pet- now Juli - tried not to think what he will have to do to repay such generosity. Not to mention that he will have to do it before he will start earning food. But having a name could also mean that Owner was kind and the kind owner would not let him die out of hunger, right? Right?

__________

Taglist: @kim-poce @cupcakes-and-pain @whatgoeswhumpinthenight

[mlm-mod-taka]

hi, if it’s okay could I have byakuya, Hajime, shuichi, and kiibo with a ftm reader who menstruated on the sheets while they stayed the night? Maybe some comfort and validation sprinkled in, it happened to me irl with my past partner and was really embarrassing,,

ON YOUR PERIOD • byakuya, hajime, shuichi, k1bo x trans ftm reader

of course! that does sound quite embarrassing, im currently on my cycle, which really isn't all that great since it does give me a bit of dysphoria. anywho, i hope these headcanons are good, enjoy!

tws/cws: mentions of blood, bottom dysphoria & bruises.

|| -> mod taka <3

i've adressed before that i think byakuya is an extremely light sleeper, so the moment he feels a liquid seep slightly on his side, he's wide awake, shaking you up to see what was dripping on the sheets.

when he turns on the lights and sees that its blood, he's immediately checking your body to see if you were injured by something. when you say that you weren't injured, he asked why theres blood on the bed. and then, it clicks.

he's silent for a moment, before apologizing for his cluelessness. there are times where he forgets that your anatomy is originally female.

he'll go ask for his servants to clean the sheets, making sure to only ask the women in the staff to do the task, not wanting to embarrass you too much.

also asks the other ladies in the crew to buy tampons/pads/menstrual cup/pantyliner, he'll buy whatever you need, including food if you're the type to have cravings during this period.

he definitely knows alot about menstrual cycles because of his science classes, so no need go get humilitated in front of him.

buys you a heat pad if your cramps ever get really bad, so you can go back to sleeping comfortably after the whole situation happened.

it really doesn't matter to him, you're still a man in his eyes. this day will probably fade into the back of his mind, only remembering when you mention it. it really is irrelevant to him, he loves you no matter what.

probably the deepest sleeper out of everyone, so he only notices when he's waking up and looks over to your side of the bed, getting overwhelmingly worried when he sees a red liquid under you.

after a small while of trying to figure out why you were bleeding, it hits him. unlike byakuya, he does know that you're afab, because he needs to keep track of your binder time.

still, it does surprise him, either way. he probably knows the least out of this group when it comes to periods, but he isn't dumb, he knows the basics at least.

wakes you up so he can clean the bedsheets. when you express that you're embarrassed, he tells you not to worry about it, its a normal thing and he really doesn't get why other guys are digusted by it.

will go out at like, 6am to the nearest grocery store if you need more pads and things of that nature. he'll buy you some chocolate as well, he's heard from his female classmates that they crave sweets during that week.

gives you massages if you're ever sore anywhere. he just looks like the type that knows how to give a good massage whenever you need one.

if you're having any bottom dysphoria because of the fact that you still get your period, he's quick to say that body doesn't matter, and whatever you are is right no matter what.

that day becomes one where you two can joke around about it. its sort of like an inside joke, he doesn't take it in a negative way.

when he wakes up and sees the red liquid around the bottom part of your body, he immediately realizes why its there. knows quite a bit about periods, he's not that knowledgable on it compared to actual women, but he knows more than the basics.

has a stash of menstrual items in his bathroom. he has alot of his afab friends come over, and he wants them to be comfortable talking to him about such topics and prepared, just in case.

he asks what you use and will go get it from his bathroom, and makes you breakfast so you can eat in bed. he's heard how painful cramps can be during these times, so he'll offer to put his warm hands on any part thats cramping, since he doesn't have a heating pad.

writes a note to buy a heating pad for his stash though. will also stock up on candies and junk food for any craving you or his friends have.

will make sure that you're extra careful when walking around. he's heard that people tend to bruise more often when they're on their period, and he doesn't want you to get injured.

will attend to your every need. if you're like me and have a part of their body that hurts every time you have your menstruation, then he'll make sure that you take it easy so you're not feeling so much pain.

won't judge you if you're ever over emotional over something that he thinks isn't that big of a deal. he knows its just a temporary thing, and therefore he can just wait until you're finished with the week.

doesn't see you as any less of a boy when this happens. sure, you were born with a female body, so what? you're a boy at heart and thats all thats valid to him.

do you know those apps that keep track of your periods and tries its best ot predict whenever your next cycle will start? k1bo is the walking, living version of that app for any afab person.

most of your other classmates use him as a calendar for their menstruation, and he's almost always right. so, when you unexpectadly bleed all over his dorm bed sheets, he's more worried than disgusted.

puts a mental reminder in his head to readjust somethings with the calendar function, all while he goes to clean the bed and your clothes, also going to get you some new boxers and clothes.

since he's a robot, his whole body has a self heating feature, so theres no need for any heating pads, his hands can do a much better job at providing heat.

does a quick scan of your body to see which material would work better for soaking up the blood. if you're too embarrassed to do that, then he'll just buy one pack of each.

he's your go-to buddy if you ever want more information about your body during shark week, he's researched alot about this topic, so he doesn't mind telling you some things about it.

he's probably had some of his code changed and modified by miu to be open minded and sensitive when it comes to certain topics, and this is definitely one of them. he's very open to others talking about their cycles, he doesn't understand why its taboo in other areas to do so.

doesn't really pay mind to the fact that you're a trans man that still gets his period, it's a big disconnect in his brain as to why it would prove your identity wrong. he'll be by your side no matter what, so you can always count on him to validate you.

[stillwooozy]

tw rape ig but no one reads this diary blog

But does anyone else.... FORGET they were raped? Like not repressed trauma/memories (i... really dont believe that to say the least.....) but just..... i push it so far away that something ovious needs to push the knowledge forward

ive been in some shitty sitautions jfc. the only reason i can type this rn is cuz im numb cuz if drugs

Anyways i was raped twice and almost raped once. well once i dont remmeber cuz i was drugged but ik i was raped. and like ... it sucks man. It really does. i acknowledge those experiences probably fucked me up more than i give them credit. A part of me does blme myself tho, which ofc isnt “right” but i cant help it. I put myself into dangerous situations knowing the full possibilties. I liked the thrill. It added excitement and made me feel imporant when i felt if everyone hated me

Like no one knows. I feel like no one understands. My choices led to my experiences, and its just humiliating. Idk why im thinking of this now

No i know. Its cuz im hypersexual and asexual at the same time. And i have no more close friends. Im lonely. And i cant keep relationships.

I feel like my experience/life is normal. And the sad part is i think it is.

I hold 0 spite towards # me-too to clarify. I dont even want ppl to address men rape cuz gay men are villianized like taht. Countless times gay men, gay fucking boys, are “canceled” for bullshit they never did cuz straight ppl are so afraid of gay guys. But its not being gay that is the problem. Its just so many men. Its a society taht treats mentally ill like trash& has a toddlers understanding of consent. Cuz to truly value consent... u have to go against a lot of the status quo

Im just angry at my younger self. Why did i purposefully put myself in danger? I know why. Its just gonna hurt for a while. Been years now .

No.. it doesnt hurt it just negatively impacts me.

And i cant fcking speak about

Or tecnically i can but come on. I am surrounded by emough shame and humilitation around me. Im mentally fucked and king of bad decisions. Even therapists get weirded out. Even good ones. Not weirded out, just.... unable to address it.

I can understand genocide more than rape. Like actual rape. Like i was held at knife point. Wish i was making up some fun story. Who tf gets pleasure from that?????? Just sign up on fetlife and find a partner and roleplay. U dont need to ruin a 16 yr old boy and take away his dignity. I hate it. There are si many other power games to play???

I like.. just push the mmeory away. I walk by the gay bar where i happened in the bathroom for the first time and i barely flinch. I pretend it was a dream ya know, like hahah so pathetic of me. Having my drink spiked was better. it was just so horrible waking up the next day in a strange apartment and the man was like... nonchallent. He didnt say ANYTGHING and it delt like i was in a horror movie cuz he coukd if killed me, he could of done snuthing, i hate jo idea what haooened ro my body and i just left. Snd somethimes i think i see him but ik its not i just can barely remmeber his face and who the FUCK does that ????? But mayeb i flirted too kuch: but why did he do that? I orobably wouldnof rucked him if he just asked. Idk. The last time i was like 17 Or 18? Idk actually i dont think younger but not odler thna 19, but i actually fought back and then just fcking ran. He had a knife tho and now i had one too and thats the moral why i alwYs have a swiss army knife in my backoack.

Its jdut fucked io, right? I mean ppl have it worse. I couldnt imagine getting abused or raped by like.... ur uncle as a CHILD. Idk.

Im sad rn. How can i be sad on so many happy pills? For some reason i feel extra disgusting cuz its been so long since anyone could use me. I dont like being used and at this point i am DONE with sex i just like attention. And letting someone fuck me is great attenrion. And man, fuck fetish jate, i love ppl w:l/ fetishes becasue its way more rhan shoving their musty dick in me. I dont have a foot fetish in the slightest - but u wany to massga emy feet and suck my toes? Go to town boy

I miss my ex. We didnt talk about this much hut thats my oroblem. She had no sinilar experience but she is very emoathetic and i trust her. Like she didnt make me feel weak or pathetic when i disclosed it ya know. I just said “i have had some unconseual sex experiences and they rly never come into play but i’ll lyk if they do” and shes was just like “omg lets talk about it when ur ready, no pressure, idk why u didnt tell me earlier but im so sorry” and it made me nut just feeling ~validated~ like that.

Well im gling to sleep. Enjoy ky tangenr. I cant type jfc thays a bad sign but hey!!!! If i dont remember writinh this, it will still exist, and i can read it weeks later and go “damn. I rly was numb yhay night if i was able to so chillly talk about some of the worst events if my life”