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causenessus · 1 month

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hi my loveliness! how’s your morning afternoon or evening !! i miss you so so so much SO MUCH i’m so sorry like hhhh IM SO SORRY BUT I HOPE YOUVE EATEN AND TAKEN CARE OF YOURSELF!! i wanted to send this earlier but after work i was so so so tired and i’m still so very tired but i will try for you !!! the roles are so reverse right now like im fighting sleep and you know what’s so funny? for like an hour i was in and out of sleep and i was imagining myself writing a response and i got so disappointed when i actually woke up and i didn’t </3 BUT ITS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE THAT I MUST WRITE THIS !! then i will pass out

todays shift was honestly like… a fever dream because i can not tell you what happened today like i was on autopilot the whole day and i have another shift tomorrow BUT BUT ITS A FOUR HOUR SHIFT !! just a 2:45-7:30 shift YIPPE!! but my coworkers wanna go out after work tomorrow like i hope im not too tired to go but i will 100% update you on that tomorrow, i talked to my manager(girl manager!)about potentially quitting and she was so happy for me I WAS SO SAD BECAUSE SHE WAS LIKE “you’ve been here for so long like we saw you grow up !” AND ITS KIND OF TRUE LIKE IVE BEEN HERE SINCE I WAS 15 SO ITS KIND OF CRAZY and i was like awww now ur making me not want to quit!! but now im gonna quit and fly to the states and work a cute little frame retail job with ness <333333333333333333333333333 AND YES MY STORE MANAGER QUIT OUT OF NOWHERE?? like there’s a group chat for work right and she just sent a huge goodbye message and i was like WHAT and everyone(except for the managers) knew about it like it was such a shocker, unfortunately its NOT the male manager but im manifesting him reading these cutesy little haikyuu x femreader blogs since today he was soooooo DEMANDING !! LIKE !! every second i heard “mango anon do this mango anon do that” LIKE I DONT MIND LIKE it’s my job but it was because like i had a main task to do right but i couldn’t even finish it because he kept sending me on side missions and had the nerve to be like “wait u didn’t do ur main task?” HOW COULD I !! ur sending me on 20 side missions like at this point u should send me to the vents to dust it out!! but i think i am quitting this coming september because i need to start focusing on school more i think but i’ve never quit a job before so im a little NERVOUS BUT BUT OFC ILL UPDATE U !! also i can’t believe your job is making you stay another month LET ME SAVE YOU !! i’ll literally fly to the us and take your shifts for you and you can just sit relax and look pretty while i run around being a hostess(i’ve NEVER been a hostess nor do i know how it works but anything for ness anything anything for you)

update i just fell asleep i think for like 10 minutes but im back so IM CONTINUING (i’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense omg i’m just writing what comes to mind right now)

ness u are the sweetest person ever like whichever higher being decided to give me the blessing of living in the same era as you …. i dedicate my life to them..LIKE THE FACT THAT I GOT BACK INTO HAIKYUU AND FOUND UR BLOG AND I GOT TO ACTUALLY INTERACT WITH YOU LIKE I’M SO LUCKY you’re the best ever ever :(( i don’t want to stress you out with requests but ill keep that in mind because work has been so so so unnecessarily evil lately but having you to talk to has made it a lot easier for sure! and YES THE MEN ARE SO ??? sometimes i genuinely wonder what’s going in their head…. and like in a most polite way ever i feel bad for their wives because like do they not know how to hang up clothes?? is this how they treat their wives?? I HOPE DAMN NOT !! it’s so mind blowing though because in what MENTAL EVALUATION DOES ONE DECIDE “oh i found this RANDOM GIRLS INSTAGRAM and even through in a full grown man, i’m gonna go up to her and shoot my shot!!” LIKE NO??? it was such a bad day like im baffled that one would even think about that?? like im truly baffled, STUNNED EVEN! i appreciate you so much for understanding because i don’t wanna come off as like “she’s complaining about having to do her job!” BECAUSE IM COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW IM BEING TREATED AT MY JOB !! to think these are members of society is kind of scary because like i feel bad when i don’t open the door for someone whose 20 feet behind me like wdym you can give me a pile of your warm WORN inside out clothes?? and to any customer or weirdo who even THINKS of disrespecting you or being weird to you: i will definitely NOT bite your cheek lovingly… i will bite it aggressively and unlovingly and i will very cutely send pieces of your hair to an etsy witch to very cutely hex you <33333333 cutely and politely of course <333333333333333

I GET NOT WANTING TO EAT CHUNKS OF RAW FISH like even the word CHUNKS is terrible but it’s literally what it is !! chunks of raw fish!! NOW IM SQUIRMING AHH CHUNKS AHHH but like i tried covering it up with the other stuff too and it definitely wasn’t that bad but i get not being a raw fish person because that was me too !! also im still on the hunt for cinnamon almond butter! i’ve found some online but they’re like websites i’ve never heard from and personally i do not wanna risk buying from random websites LOL BUT !!! when i fly to the states and meet my favourite person ever (you!!) the first thing i want to do is literally the cinnamon almond butter LIKE IT SOUNDS SO GOOD!! the name and everything(one day for sure) like i don’t care about the american fast food places !! i want CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER ON A BAGEL !!

also once again you are literally the cutest ever like I WANNA BITE UR CHEEK SO HARD LOVINGLY !! like i know i shouldn’t be but im so scared to actually dm you because idk my blog is ugly(LMAOOO) and im like nervous like so unserious in that matter LIKE SOMETIMES IM LIKE what do i even say ness is too cool for me her inbox is probably filled with other awesome smau writers then THERES ME(like it’s so unserious my reasonings) BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I HATE DAYS WHERE I HAVE TO SEND THESE LATE BECAUSE I GENUINELY MISS TALKING TO YOU LIKE WHENEVER I GET A NOTIF THAT YOU POSTED I GET SO HAPPY !!! (no pressure to always post though !! i’m just saying it’s nice to see you’re still alive and well)

AND YES IM A SCORPIO !! i used to try to be into horoscopes but i never did get into it like I TRIED BUT THERE WERE TOO MANY FACTORS AND LIKE wdym since im a scorpio my favourite colour is red🤨🤨 like that type of thing so i was like okay im just gonna take my star sign or something and roll with it BUT UR A CANCER??? LIKE THAT MEANS YOUR BIRTHDAY JUST PASSED RIGHT? oh my god i didn’t send you a cake and a big ol gift i can’t believe it ALSO WHEN YOU SAID FRESHLY 18 I DIDNT EXPECT FRESHLY FRESHLYYYY 18?? thats so crazy oh my gosh i thought you’ve been 18 for a while(idk why i just kinda assumed) literally i will fly to the states right now and throw you a huge celebration <333333333333333333

IF U HAVE PHASMOPHOBIA WE CAN PLAY AND ILL PROTECT YOU I PROMISE <3333333 and everytime i see “you’re my mango anon” I LITERALLY KICK MY FEET AND GIGGLE LIKE it’s so cute because you literally gave me that name too and it’s so endearing to me like i remember you asking “can i call you this” and i was literally so so so so honoured like i was so :((((( (/POS) IDK IT FELT SO CUTE?? also oh my god i just had a BIG flashback and i’m like IM PRETTY SURE IT WAS YOU BECAUSE ILL BE SO SO SO EMBARRASSED IF IT WASNT YOU BUT!!! i remember you posted something before where you were talking about how you disagree about suna and atsumu being portrayed as like playboys since they’re like losers and they’d be smitten with a girl and I REMEMBER!!! I REMEMBER I SENT IN AN ASK (like i completely forgot this happened so i thought our first interaction was the one about the original love notes plot) BUT I WAS LIKE no yeah i totally agree because they’re losers! in a loving way ofc and i see them being absolutely whipped and smitten and YEAH I REMEMBER THAT LIKE IT JUST CAME TO ME RANDOMLY! i remember just scrolling through tumblr and i saw that and i immediately followed you right after seeing that because i 100% agreed with you and i just remember you being such a sweet sweet person and i think that was the first ever time i’ve sent in an anon ask?? i felt as passionate about it as you did and yeah WOW THAT WAS SO LONG AGO TOO (ness if im wrong and it wasn’t you i’m literally gonna start crying but im 90% sure it was you because i haven’t interacted with any other accounts as much)

LITERALLY ATSUMU COME THROUGH WITH THE 4 BOXES OF MAC AND CHEESE !! we literally need to have a 3am sit down at a dinner table eating mac and cheese and talking about tech because i swear i can make a whole book about my experience as a tech kid it was THAT traumatizing and OH MY GOSH IM FREE TUESDAY AND THURSDAY AND FRIDAY!! LET ME FLY IN REAL QUICK <3333333333

RANDOM INTERMISSION!! water break time, cheers with me CHEERS!! (totally off topic but i love ice water so much)

BACK ON TOPIC to the weird chefs at ness’ work… watch your back because i will not be a sweet loving anon to you … i will very VERY politely make sure u will not have hair in 1 year time …. i will literally become your work guard dog and i will be shameless about it!! AND my male manager is kind of like the “scary” manager so i guessssss he isn’t so badwko

(okay update i fell asleep while writing this and its the morning now so im gonna continue)

ALSO IF UR EVER TIRED PLS PLS PLS DONT WORRY ABOUT WRITING BACK !! i can always wait !! i just want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and eating because i love and care about you very very much!

THE CONDOMS AND BLACK MOLD THINGS ARE SO FUNNY LIKE im sorry to break it to you but i fear you are correct… it is just a you school thing BUT actors quitting mid production is like sooooo messy because it means more rehearsals for us since we have to get people to fill in the roles and practice their characters! i always feel so bad for our stage manager because like our director kind of always put a lot of pressure on them? AND I FELT SO BAD BCUZ SHE WAS ALWAYS STRESSED like being a store manager is not for the weak at all!

I LOVE ADOPTING PEOPLE IN THE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME!! i was in physics ap in high school right and during my last year i was the only one left in ap so my teacher had me like kind of become a tutor for the ap kids in the year below me(there was 3 of them) and they were so sweet like i miss them so much </3333 i hope they’re well </33333 BUT I LITERALLY ADOPTED THEM LIKE they were my kids !!! i felt like a proud mother when they were doing well and AHHH but me and you literally i don’t like showing people things multiple times AND ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DONT GET IT like i know it isn’t their fault because to be honest i think im pretty bad at explaining things but that’s why i VISUALLY show it but when they still don’t get it im like HHHH AHHHHH i do know what to mean by parking the lights!! i had to know a bit of how to do lights since idk lights and sound are linked in that way (like me and you)(soulmates WE ARE SOULMATES) AND I WOULD BE FRUSTRATED TOO IF SOMEONE DIDNT GET IT because i feel like idk it’s kind of …. LIKE IF YOU SEE SOMEONE DOING IT I FEEL LIKE YOUD GET IT?? or i don’t know maybe regina george kin guy is kind of weird like that BUT THE KID YOU ADOPTED SEEMS SO SWEET AND FUNNY LOL i hope you manage to convert her (AND SAVE HER) everytime we talk about tech i miss it so much like if my director asked me to come in to help I FEAR I WOULD SAY YES!! LIKE RIGHT AWAY!! i miss the environment because it was so unserious and like the toxicity between the casts was like watching a tv show right because i was never involved but i heard and watched it all go down so ITS KIND OF FUNNY (you should tell your teacher you know a sounds person)(i will fly in AND i will accompany you)

ALSO TONICS INTRO AHHH IM OBSESSED IM SO EXCITED !! i read it just when i woke up and i was like ness ur so cool ur so so cool ness is so cool AND i will find you your irl sunarin TO TREAT U RIGHT !! or i will simply transform myself and everything to become mister suna rintarou HIMSELF (JUST FOR YOU!!) i will ward off all the weird men for you <333333 just say the word and ill contact the etsy witches i promise you <333333333333333333

HELP THE SLEEPY AND GOD CONVERSATION??? no because literally why are all discord servers the same like everyone playing into the gods role and then there’s that ONE person whose not playing into it(SLEEPY YOU FUNNY FUNNY MAN OR WOMEN)I CAN ALSO PROBABLY FIND A BUNCH OF OLD SCREENSHOTS FROM DISCORD BECAUSE LIKE… a lot of what people said had me genuinely GASPING LIKE SURPRISED BECAUSE IM LIKE oh! oh okay! (the discord quarantine experience is so real and universal i love it)

ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BESTEST DAY EVER EVER!! IM SO SO SORRY THAT THIS IS LATE BUT I HOPE YOU ATE AND TOOK CARE OF YOURSELF !! my life is forever yours like i will hand you my heart on a silver platter I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH i miss you too like when i woke up literally i was like oh my god did i send ness my ask did i even FINISH IT?? (and i slept midway writing it im so so sorry work drained me) also im literally working 6 days in a row right now like… give me that overtime pay to pay for my ticket to see the actual love of my life AND IF YOU WERE MY HOUSEWIFE ID BE THE BEST BREADWINNER EVER AND BUY YOU WHATEVER YOU PLEASE i will make sure you never have to worry about anything i will literally protect and love u with my life and soul and give you all the cinnamon almond butter the world has to offer!! BUT HAVE A GOOD MORNING EVENING OR AFTERNOON NESS!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND EAT GOOD!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

MANGO ANON </33333333333333333333333333333333 AAA HELLO HELLO!! DO NOT BE SORRY AT ALL!! I AM SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AND ONCE AGAIN YOUR SHIFT YESTERDAY SOUNDED SO LATE :(( I WASN'T EXPECTING YOU TO HAVE THE ENERGY TO SEND SOMETHING IN AT ALL!! I WANT YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST ALWAYS <3 so i'm glad ur body was like?? trying to get u to sleep?? or at least made you sleep a little bit before replying 😭😭 BUT I'M GLAD WE WERE IN THE SAME SPOT LMAO last night i think i was trying to write something and once again my eyes would just randomly close and i'd fall asleep for five minutes without realizing it 😭😭 it's simultaneously like the most exhilarating and tiring thing ever?? like i love fighting off sleep and it's always fun waking up like "WHEN DID I FALL ASLEEP? WHERE AM I? WHAT'S HAPPENING" but also like i wanted to stay awake last night!!! but i was super tired </3

I'M SORRY YOU WORK AGAIN TODAY!!! :(( BUT I'M WITH YOU!! i also work a 4 hour shift tonight from 3-7:15 or something like that!! SO WE CAN BE LIKE,, WORKING IN PARALLELS!!! (i have no idea how to word that but hopefully u get what i mean!! i think my brain has given up today so i don't think i'm english-ing very well today in general LMAO) MY SHIFT LAST NIGHT WAS SUCH A FEVER DREAM TOO i'd be grabbing people menus at the speed of light and i was like "i can't believe i know how to do this all" but i couldn't think about it too hard bc it's like when you're breathing and then you suddenly realize you're breathing and then you're like "i do this on autopilot??" and then you can't stop voluntarily breathing yk?? 😭 (SORRY SIDE TANGENT) BUT YOUR GIRL MANAGER SOUNDS SO SWEET!!! :(( AND I'M GLAD SHE'S SUPPORTING YOU QUITTING!! AND I FEEL LIKE THIS IS ONCE AGAIN JUST SHOWING HOW SIMILAR WE ARE MANGO ANON!! bc this restaurant job i've also been working since i was 15 i think!! and ofc i had that little break where i quit before i've had to come back for a few months 😭 (and it is SO admirable that you have worked there for so long i could never!!! you definitely deserve to quit this place with all you've gone through though </33) but it's weird bc like one of my mother's coworkers there is also someone she's been working with since we moved to the state we live in now (when i was just a wee little baby. i think we moved here in like 2013?? idk what grade or age that puts me at and i can't math BUT IK I WAS YOUNG). like they worked at this one sushi place forever and then my mom quit and moved to the restaurant she works at now and this coworker and ended up moving to this restaurant too if that makes sense 😭😭 so that coworker has literally seen me grow up!! and that's crazy 😭 SORRY FOR THE SIDE TANGENET AND I HOPE IT WASN'T CONFUSING

THE GIANT GOODBYE MESSAGE LMAO????? i can just imagine you checking your phone and then suddenly it's a "i have decided to quit. blah blah blah yap yap yap yap yap yap yap. goodbye." message from your store manager LMAOOO (it reminds me of this one fateful day in high school i'm eating my lunch and check my phone and suddenly there's an instagram message from my sister's bf "hey. i love you and your sister so much and i know this is going to be hard for you guys now that we're separating but i just want to say that i'm still here if you guys need anything and don't be mad at her. she's an amazing person and i will always love you guys." NOT ME FINDING OUT THAT MY SISTER AND HER BF BROKE UP [only to get back together a few months later] FROM HER BF BEFORE I EVEN HEARD IT FROM HER??? AND IT WAS THE MOST RANDOM THING EVER LIKE BROTHER IT'S 12 PM ON A WEDNESDAY WHAT'S HAPPENING) THE FACT THAT EVERYONE BUT THE MANAGERS KNEW ???? THAT'S CRAZY 😭 I HOPE THAT DOESN'T MAKE THINGS MORE DIFFICULT FOR YOU FOR HOWEVER MUCH LONGER YOU CONTINUE TO WORK THERE!!

and yes!! maybe your male store manager should be reading cutesy hq x fem reader stories!!! maybe that'll soften his hard heart <33 he's kicking his feet reading a kenma x figure skating reader smau rn <33 how cute!! MAYBE HE WAS TOO BUSY READING CUTE HQ FICS TO REALIZE HOW MUCH HE WAS BOSSING U AROUND WHICH WOULD BE THE ONLY VALID EXCUSE FOR HIS ACTIONS BC OTHER THAN THAT!! grr bark bark let me at him mango anon!!! i will fight him!!! him sending u on side missions and then being like "wait u haven't done your main mission on top of the thousands of side quests i sent u on??!! how dare u!!" (i love using the words missions and quests now for work I WILL FOREVER BE DOING THAT NOW)

AND HE FR SOUNDS LIKE MY MANAGER!! like okay at my store we have the store manager (old man with a mohawk and jeep with no doors and thousands of ducks on his dashboard and is like never there bc he's so busy trying to also help out/manage other stores bc ig we just don't have enough store managers or something. also he's a little crazy bc i think i told u this but one time this guy came in wanting to frame BLACK CORAL he bought OFF THE STREETS OF SOMEWHERE IN MEXICO [black coral IS ENDANGERED AND SO IT IS HIGHLY ILLEGAL TO BE IN POSSESSION OF IT OR MOVE IT OR ANYTHING] and so we had to ask my store manager if we should even be allowed to take it in and frame the coral bc like?? technically it's not ours?? but also maybe a store shouldn't be doing that?? and he would NOT stop comparing it to "this would be like framing a pound of cocaine!!" and he kept saying it and we were like "OKAY BUDDY!! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?? DO YOU WANT A POUND OF COCAINE BEHIND A GLASS IN A LITTLE WOODEN FRAME??" anyway sorry i'll move on, but he's pretty silly), we have like manager #1 that handles all the new employees and also helps around the store, manager #2 that probably does something like that too but idk what it is (and also helps around the store) and then we have "my" manager whose in charge of the framing department (who she's kind of new to being a manager. like basically she worked there and then the old framing manager quit and they begged her to be a manager which all happened right as i was hired). and when i first started she was like "if you close with manager #2 sometimes she'll ask u to help close the store as well" (bc since we're the framing department, we just close our part of the store and the rest of the closers close the actual store if that makes sense) which like!! ig i get!! bc our closing responsibilities are a little bit easier and i don't mind helping!! but also it's not my job and i'm getting paid minimum wage for this!! and even my framing manager said it in a tone that sounded like "yeah this is a crappy thing to make us do so i would never make u do that if u close with me" so i trusted her to not be crappy!! (even though she kind of is) BUT ANYWAY WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS IS LIKE ON THURSDAY SHE HAD ME RUNNING SIDE QUESTS TOO and i was coming into the main office like about to grab paper for our printer AND to ask my manager if i could take a 15 minute break bc i knew she was in there but then she's on our radio like "and ness! will u please sweep THE ENTIRE STORE" (MIND U MY BUILDING USED TO BE A BOOKSTORE AND IS PRETTY BIG. ALSO THIS IS THE SECOND TIME SHE'S ASKED ME TO DO THIS AND THE FIRST TIME I UNDERSTOOD BC THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER CLOSER, SO LIKE THERE WAS JUST MY MANAGER [CLOSING REGISTERS], OTHER COWORKER [CLOSING ENTIRE STORE], AND ME [CLOSING FRAMING] BUT ON THURSDAY THERE WERE THREE!!!!! OTHER COWORKERS WHO WERE CLOSING THE ENTIRE STORE SO TELL ME WHY NONE OF THEM COULD TAKE AN HOUR TO SWEEP THE FLOORS SO I COULD GET MY STUFF DONE) AND SO THE PROBLEM is that i was going to ask to take my break!! bc the last of my other coworkers had just gotten off their break and so i was like "cool!! now it's my turn :D" BUT BC I HAD TO SWEEP THE FLOORS I COULDN'T TAKE A BREAK BC IT WAS ALREADY TOO LATE and then i closed framing and there's like three minutes left until we close so wtf am i supposed to do in that time so i'm on my phone (and i was also in the mindset of: this is my 15 minute break shortened into three minutes since i couldn't take it earlier) but my manager comes in and is like "erm...what r u doing on your phone." KYS (SORRY that day made me so mad i am now done with this side tangent!! sorry to ramble so long while ur talking about your manager but i thought you might find this funny 😭😭)

and i think it sounds like a great idea to focus more on school!! especially if your work is scheduling you so much and customers are stressful and everything </3 I WOULD TAKE OVER FOR YOU IF I COULD!! EVEN THOUGH I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT LIKE CLOTHING RETAIL!!! and yeah i mean quitting is terrifying 😭😭 the first time i quit (hosting job) i literally did it over text (felt like one of those fboys breaking up with their gf over text "hey. i think we need to take a break." BARF) and my manager (has made me cry before) literally took me out back the next day and was like "why do u want to quit?? what if we just don't schedule u as much?? or like once your workload as school lightens up u come back??" and i was like "no...i'm done lmfao." (i didn't say that. unfortunately i made up some bs like "oh!! maybe!! i would love to come back!! i just don't know when i'll be less stressed so i'll tell you when i'm doing better [which would be never] :)") and my second job (fast food job </3) i did print out some google doc two weeks notice template and they literally could not care less and i didn't care so it'll be ok!! and it sounds like your manager was super nice about it so that's good!! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU MANGO ANON <33 WE COULD HOST TOGETHER!! WE'D BE THE BEST DUO EVER LITERALLY LIKE I THINK THE WORLD COULD PAIR US UP AND THROW US INTO LIKE A CONSTRUCTION CREW AND WE'D BUILD THE BEST SKYSCRAPER EVER DESPITE NO PAST EXPERIENCE. LIGHTS AND SOUND DUO? THAT'S US <3 HOSTING TOGETHER? WE CAN DO IT <3 BUILDING HOUSES?? AN EASY TASK FOR NESS AND MANGO ANON!!! <3

AND LMAO DW ABOUT MAKING SENSE AT ALL!! i will always be able to follow mango anon i am convinced we are literally two peas in a pod <3 on the same wavelength and everything!! and that was me last time i answered and lowkey how i'm feeling today 😭😭 i just write whatever pops into my silly little brain!!

AND YOU WOULDN'T STRESS ME OUT AT ALL MY LOVE <333 I'M SO SO SO SO GLAD I GET TO INTERACT WITH YOU!! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE I LOVE TALKING TO YOU EVERYDAY <3 LOWKEY I ENJOY GOING TO MY HOSTESS JOB ESPECIALLY (since that seems to be where all the drama happens LMFAO i love u food industry) bc i'm always in the mindset of "omg!! what can i tell mango anon happened today <3" or something happens and i'm like "I'M TELLING MANGO ANON ABOUT THIS" like i love everyone!! but everytime someone asks me how my day is sometimes i purposely keep things away...so that when i talk to u i can tell u everything that happened if that makes sense.. (i'm sorry to ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN MANGO ANON READING THIS I LOVE U ALL AND I LOVE TALKING TO U GUYS BUT ALSO I REALLY REALLY LOVE MANGO ANON) so definitely pls lmk if you want me to write you anything!! i would love to ESPECIALLY IF IT CAN HELP MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!! but i cannot tell you how much it has also helped me to talk to you!! i love to hear about your days and hear your replies and literally everything i love you so much mango anon <33

DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT BEING POLITE TO MEN!! THEY DON'T DESERVE YOUR POLITENESS literally men are the worst!! i don't think there's anything going on in their heads!! and i definitely feel bad if any of them have a wife and how much they probably have to do to make up for their lame excuse of a husband </33 AND YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HOW YOU COME OFF EITHER MANGO ANON!! ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS ARE ALWAYS VALID <3 DON'T LET ANYONE ELSE TELL YOU OTHERWISE!! IT IS ALWAYS VALID TO COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR JOB AND HOW YOU'RE BEING TREATED THERE!! ALL OF THAT IS REAL AND CAN BE STRESSFUL!! and once again i'm glad you may be quitting soon!! so that hopefully you can alleviate some of that stress!! ETSY WITCH HEXING IS SO SO CUTE <33

AAA CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER <33 DO NOT WORRY!! I WILL FLY TO U AND BRING U MY FAVORITE ALMOND BUTTER AND BAGELS!!!! AND DEF DW ABOUT LIKE FINDING IT ONLINE 😭😭 when i first started buying cinnamon almond butter and had to get it off amazon/the brand's sketchy website tell me why each jar was literally like $13????? i think the one i buy now is like $7 so i feel like that's a bit better 😭

AND PLEASE!! NEVER WORRY ABOUT LIKE YOUR BLOG OR DMING ME OR NAYTHING <33 OR OFC JUST MAKE A BURNER ACCOUNT 😭😭 BUT I PROMISE YOU ARE JUST AS AWESOME AS EVERYONE ELSE (if not more awesome!! teehee <3) AND HONESTLY I LOVE SEEING U IN MY INBOX BUT LAST NIGHT I WAS LIKE "i wish i could check in on mango anon 😔 but i have no way of messaging her first" BUT ALSO I LOVE OUR DYNAMIC!! I LOVE THAT U SEND THESE AS ASKS BUT I WILL BE HAPPY AS LONG AS I TALK TO U!!! I LOVE KNOWING U ARE ALIVE AND WELL ALSO!! <3 I WILL LOVINGLY BITE YOUR CHEEK AND NOT SO LOVINGLY BITE YOUR BRAIN'S REASONING AND INSECURITIES!! BC YOU ARE AWESOME MANGO ANON I LOVE YOU <3

AND AAA OMG I LOVE SCORPIOS!!! I ALSO NO LONGER KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOROSCOPES LMAO LIKE I USED TO BE REALLY INTO IT AND THEN KIND OF FELL OFF ("wdym my fav color is red bc i'm a scorpio" LMAOO THAT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD) BUT I DO KNOW SCORPIOS AND CANCERS ARE LIKE SUPER COMPATIBLE!!! LITERALLY WE ARE TWIN FLAMES LOOK AT US <3 AND YES my birthday did just pass 😭😭 this is so scary like i hope not a lot of people see this bc i feel bad but like i def did just round up when i started putting my age on my blog bc i was like "i'm almost 18 anyway whtvr!!!" (i had under a month </3) I PROMISE I'M NOT A BIG LIAR i don't even want to like make excuses about this bc it was super stressful for my on my birthday bc i was like "do i pretend to be 19 now?? or just keep rolling and hope no one thinks abt the fact that i'm a cancer??" but i wanted to be honest as possible and everything yk 😭😭 so i'm sorry i rounded up for a little bit AAA sorry i hope that's okay i've never mentioned this on the blog before but i feel safe with u mango anon 😭😭 so i'm saying this here 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 BUT DON'T LET THAT GUILT TRIP YOU OR ANYTHING JUST YELL AT ME IF THIS WAS A BAD THING FOR ME TO DO OR ANYTHING I'M SO SORRY (i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry pls know i'm so sorry idek what to say but i just hope this wasn't upsetting to find out?? idk?? i'm sorry </3) I WILL BE THROWING YOU A BIG CELEBRATION WITH A BIG CAKE AND ALL THE PRESENTS IN THE WORLD IN NOVEMBER!! <3

PLEASE IT WOULD BE SO FUN TO PLAY PHASMOBIA TOGETHER!! I'VE NEVER PLAYED IT BEFORE AND DON'T HAVE IT I'VE JUST SEEN CLIPS OF PEOPLE PLAYING IT AND I'D BE SO SCARED TO PLAY IT 😭 BUT IK IT'D BE FUN WITH YOU!! AND AA I'M SO HAPPY I COULD GIVE YOU THE NICKNAME!! IT'S SO SWEET AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3 AND YES!!!! THAT WAS ME I MADE THAT POST ABOUT SUNA AND ATSUMU BEING LOSERS IT WAS THE DAY I WAS LOCKED UP IN A ROOM FOR LIKE 7 HOURS TRYING TO GET MY HAIR DYED RED AND WAS GOING CRAZY 😭😭😭 AND I REMEMBER YOUR ASK TOO BC I WAS SO SO HAPPY TO SEE SOMEONE AGREE WITH ME!! bc i was like scared to show that opinion bc it genuinely felt like entering the community of people who are obsessed with suna smoking and being like "suna doesn't smoke" YK LIKE I FELT LIKE I WAS LITERALLY THROWING MYSELVES TO THE WOLVES BUT THEN U AGREED WITH ME AND I WAS LIKE "OH THANK GOODNESS!!" i am forever thankful to tumblr and the world for letting that post come across your feed!!! BC I'M SO SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE MANGO ANON <33

AND LITERALLY!!! PLEASE TALKING ABOUT TECH TRAUMA OVER 3AM MAC N CHEESE (MADE BY ATSUMU MIYA HIMSELF) WOULD BE A DREAM!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU TUESDAY MANGO ANON!! I WILL BUY MAC N CHEESE TODAY <3

i love random intermission!! I LOVE ICE!! I LOVE EATING ICE!! AS U READ THIS MAKE SURE U DRINK SOME WATER!!

MANGO ANON I HOPE YOU HAD AN AMAZING SLEEP AFTER WRITING THIS 😭😭 THE WAY WE WERE LITERALLY THE SAME FALLING ASLEEP TRYING TO REPLY TO EACH OTHER PLEASE NEVER WORRY ABOUT RESPONDING AS WELL!! i love you so much <3 the way you were telling me if i was tired to not worry about replying when you're HERE!! DOING THE SAME THING!! /lh (AS LONG AS YOU SLEPT AND FELT WELL RESTED AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF I FORGIVE U!!)

and yeah omg i'm so stressed for my stage managing duties coming up 😭😭 bc my directors also put so so so much pressure on our stage managers 😭 i remember we did "the tempest" one of my high school years and it was a show that our theatre was basically submitting to try to take to like a thespian conference?? idk if other states/countries do that 😭 and basically bc i was the light board op yk i was always right next to my stage manager and our director would ALWAYS come up and be like "YOU need to do this THIS and THIS and THIS and WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE THIS YET? it's YOUR job AS THE STAGE MANAGER" and like she was stressed I was stressed and he was only making it worse bc then she got more stressed out and then i was stressed bc she was stressed and it just was not a good time </33 AND THAT'LL BE ME SOON!!! 😃😃😃😃 i need ur strength mango anon!!! pls come be my sound person 😭😭

AND YES!! LIKE SOMETIMES YOUNGER KIDS ARE MENACES BUT THEN YOU FIND THE REALLY GOOD ONES AND YOU'RE LIKE "omg let me adopt you and just care for you and give you every single thing in the world. u are my child now." OR AT LEAST THAT'S HOW I FEEL LMAOO AND I'M SUCH A PROUD MOTHER TOO!! i think i told u this ( i just went back to check so i'm not repeating myself and i did so nvm BUT I ALSO JUST SAW HOW MANY TYPOS I MADE MY BAD 😭😭 I FR THINK IN THE MOMENT "yeah there's no way i made any typos!!" BUT I DEF DID I'M SORRY ) OKAY SO NVM I'M NOT TELLING THE STORY AGAIN I WAS JUST GONNA TALK ABOUT HOW I WAS HELPING THE GROUP OF THE KID I ADOPTED BC I LOVE HER BUT INSTEAD LET ME TELL YOU the other groups in that class were so stressful. mango anon i had a nightmare last night about having to use an angle grinder bc they broke a drill bit trying to make a box and then all of their screws were like poking out the side of the box 😭😭 AND ACTUALLY SO THEY FINISHED MAKING THEIR LITTLE BOXES ON FRIDAY and had to use a piece of lauan (just thin wood!! idk how explain it or how much u know i'm sorry </3) to make like the back of the box AND MY KIDS DID SO GOOD I WAS SO PROUD OF THEM I TOTALLY GET IT <3

i have completely lost any sense of comprehensibility so I'M SORRY FOR HOW RANDOM THIS ALL IS 😭 BUT YES!! WE ARE SO CONNECTED I THINK I TOLD U THIS AS WELL BUT LIGHTS AND SOUND ARE DEF CONNECTED </3 there was one time a group of actors (seniors when i was a junior) asked me to run the sound board bc like no one else was there to do it and i was like "oh!! i never have before but OKAY IG 😃" BUT OMG UR TOTAL RIGHT BEING IN THEATRE WAS LITERALLY JUST LIKE WATCHING REALITY SHOWS?? LIKE I'VE NEVER WATCHED KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS OR WHATEVER THAT SHOW IS BUT I'M SURE IT'S JUST LIKE THAT LMAOOO and that's exactly why it was so easy for my directors to convince me to come back 😭😭 and like it's even better now that i've graduated!! so i feel like i'm on more equal playing ground with my directors and everything!! IF YOU FLEW TO ACCOMPANY ME YOU WOULD LITERALLY SAVE MY LIFE LMAO 😭😭 u could help me co-parent this lovely kid i've adopted!! she could grow up to be a dual lights and sound kid omg <3 MANGO ANON I NEED U TO COME HERE!!!

AND HELLO??????? BECOMING MISTER SUNA RINTAROU HIMSELF??????????? MAYBE YOU ALREADY ARE MANGO ANON <3 I THINK YOU'RE MY IRL SUNA RINTAROU <3 AND I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND YOU <3 I AM NO LONGER CURSING OUT THE WORLD FOR PUTTING ME IN THE WRONG UNIVERSE BC I HAVE FOUND YOU!!! SO THIS IS THE RIGHT UNIVERSE FOR ME BC I HAVE YOU <3333 I'M SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE TONICS INTROS!! THANK YOU SM I'M SO SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT <33

I LITERALLY KICKED MY FEET READING YOUR LAST MESSAGE MANGO ANON <33 YOU ARE LITERALLY THE BEST YOU ARE MY IRL SUNA AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! I WOULD BE UR HOUSEWIFE TOO IF U WOULD HAVE ME <3333333 AND I'M SO SO GLAD TO KNOW YOU!!!! I WILL BE WORKING EXTRA HARD TONIGHT TO PAY FOR MY TICKET TO SEE U <33 AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT SHIFT TONIGHT!! I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN LOVE <3 I HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL SLEEP AND HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAY!! MAKE SURE TO EAT AND DRINK WATER <333

#THIS WAS A SUPER SUPER LONG POST I'M SO SORRY #I LITERALLY WATCHED THE TIME FLY WRITING ALL OF THIS #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON <3 #I WILL SERVE YOU MY HEART AND LIFE AND ANYTHING YOU WANT ON A SILVER OR GOLD PLATTER OR WHATEVER YOU PREFER!!!#ANYTHING I HAVE IS YOURS <3 #answers <3 #mango anon <3

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ylimemariee · 1 year

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Read this and take a moment to realize what’s wrong… church vs. outside of church. My comment is in there. This is a good conversation that needs to happen. A lot of lonely people out there like me that struggle to connect due to society. Everyone’s all coupled up and me being a person that just wants to make friends and connect with other people. It’s fellow believers I’ve grown to not be as comfortable around it’s because I basically went to where I was gonna be taken seriously and valued. In 2018 I was done with my fake friendships so I went to work.

Someone who felt abandoned from the church community throughout my whole life I’ve always had church on my own. I connect with the people who wanna connect with me. I used to always wanna do group nights. I’ve always wanting to get people together so we can connect like how we were called to. A lot of the advice I take is from the Bible. Im different then the norm I guess. It is true to be that most churches only focus on married couples and 2.3 aged kids. My gen is almost 30 and im one of many who are still single. Always feeling left out I just let go of alot of that and I owed it to my current church to forgive them. I actually got a sorry in a sermon to my group of people. I watched the place I was growing in, bring in people I had no clue about. At the time they didn’t even seem passionate about what they were about to take on and that was students. I stepped away while hearing about them becoming youth pastor and perfect church young hipster couple. It’s so hard for the singles out there today. We’re literally thrown out like trash to be recycled. Gonna be a hard read for some. But I believe that Gods put me on this earth for the hard conversations. What impresses me today is just as simple as someone replying to a TEXT. My pet peeve is texting ghosts. Especially if it’s a meaningful emotional text. Im convinced people especially most of my own generation, has no balls. The factory were I spent 3 years away from everything working around the men I did and especially military men, Marine to be exact... They taught me how to have balls no matter the cost. With the trauma I faced too, I had someone try to legit end me. Like almost got hit on purpose by their car that they were driving…on purpose to threaten me. Car was inches by my feet going at full speed; if she hit me I wouldn’t be alive today or be able to walk. It was a sports edition brand new grey dodge hellcat. Real shit man…My OG tattoo artist friend who ran from God and then came back was the first that taught me that. I know that every thing God has planned for me has had its reasoning. And it’s just molding me more into who He’s made me to be. Take everything you read and then when your out in the world breathe it out. If we actually talk to one another maybe this wouldn’t be an issue.

Just like Jesus calls us all to do, all I want is to be accepted for who I am as I am. In the mess. If you see me with your eyes and wanna say something, fuck the clichés do something about it. I been screaming at my FedEx coworkers at the very exact same thing. If ya wanna talk to someone do it, don’t waste anyone’s time. Nobody likes a tease right? If nobody likes a tease in our friendships let’s not be teases. And my current church is amazing for keeping their originality and in their journey with God and growing as a church. I love how human my Pastor is. Always admired him for it. He’ll always have my respect for it too. When I was in Haiti with him my highlight was him making the cheesy donkey ass jokes. It’s why I came back. In the world today, you especially want to always be sure your getting truth in the right place and I feel like I am.

My grammar may be shit on this post, but if someone gets it and runs with it. I did my part.

And I have friends they just live far away from me. I moved to a new area cause I wanted to, I love new experiences. I wanna see and meet the world Gods made and admire His artwork in me and around me.

Oorah

#blog #follow #thinking differently #Jesus #community #lonely Planet #20s #30s #singles #couples #seriously though #do something #or nothing

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makoowz · 2 years

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hi small little brain dump here

you ever like. know something's wrong with you and everyone around you agrees with you

but like deep down it's like,,, "oh, im just faking it or being a fucking hypochondriac or whatever!! there can't actually be anything wrong with me, i'm a normal human being and im going to be fine once i get over this little phase of mine!!" but you know something's wrong you just dont want to believe there's something wrong with you

like, surely i cant actually be bipolar lol,, im supposed to just grow up and be a normal functioning person why have i been laying in bed for 8 hours straight i need to get up and do something and fuck nothing seems fun anymore i dont wanna be alive im just gonna sit here and rot maybe i should just jump into oncoming traffic lol and then the next day you cant even think straight and lash out on everyone and do stupid irresponsible shit and cant sit still for more than 10 minutes but I CANT BE BIPOLAR!! even though my mom's bipolar and my therapist thought i was bipolar i literally cant be right?? im supposed to have an actual future ahead of me and i'm gonna be successful and everything's gonna be okay

not even to mention the whole eating disorder thing because how the fuck am i supposed to be ill if i cant even stop myself from eating sometimes? how am i supposed to be ill when other people are sicker than i am?? like my body reflects my sickness but it'll never be enough lol even a diagnosis wouldnt be enough for me cause FUCK i gotta be faking this shit or something even though ive been living on like 400cal a day for months and months and throw up the shit that i do eat and im constantly shaking and pale as fuck but like i gotta be faking cause surely i cant actually be ill

and the 30 other things i might have but i dont even wanna talk to people about it because what if im just doing it for attention? i should just deal with it myself because ive functioned up until this point so what reason do i have to stop functioning ? i'm okay im just overexaggerating everything ill get through it

"the desire to be sicker to prove that you are sick, itself is indicative of sickness. a well person does not desire to be sick." go fuck yourself holy shit you just dont get it holy fucking SHIT

okay good night love you !!

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not-me-simping-for-blasty · 4 years

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another helping of living w/ bakugou thoughts:

pls i am so sorry, i feel like i bombard y’all with these constantly, but u don’t understand, he literally lives in my brain full time

- if you’re rolling your sleeves up, to wash your hands before dinner, he’ll whack your hands away and do it himself. very much “you’re takin’ too long, idiot. i wanna eat already. let me do it.”,, don’t be fooled tho, you could do it in 2.5 seconds and he’d still open his mouth. bc it has absolutely nothing to do with u and everything to do with him wanting to be close to you

-ik he watches the mha equivalent of the history channel. i just know it. dude is a grandpa at heart, n im so confident he would 100% sit down and watch a 3 hr docu on like, old weaponry or some nerdy shit

-bakugou is annoyingly arrogant, but only about things that don’t matter. like, he’ll fully sit in front of you and tell you he’s stronger/faster/smarter in passing conversation,, but when he does actually impressive shit??? the man clams up. absolutely clams up the second you praise him, trying to brush off whatever ridiculous feat he just pulled to protect u with a “It’s not that big a deal, shut up about it already, dumbass.”

- pls mans is an absolute simp. u ask him to do something and he’s on his feet in a second. ofc he’s complaining but he’s also then following that up by doing things you didn’t even ask him to do. fan behavior honestly.

-when you’ve had a bad day, he’ll make u food and throw blankets in the dryer for u. don’t expect much verbal comforting from him, bc obviously, but he’s pretty good with actions. you always feel a little warmer after he’s wrapped you in a blanket n fed you something ungodly spicy

- i have absolutely no basis for this but ik he secretly watches kids movies. like, if it’s animated then he’s there. ofc no one is allowed to find out about this ‘embarrassing’ behavior tho, except maybe you. maybe. if you accidentally happen to see it bc he’d never tell u himself.

- he’s a beast to wake up in the morning, but he’s a lot more easy to convince if u pet his hair. or rub his back/shoulders. maybe even kiss his neck. look, u cannot tell me that he doesn’t want to be absolutely coddled in the morning- especially when he can get away with it so easily.

-bakugou always pulls ur legs into his lap if u sit down next to him. pls he’s so weird, he’ll just like, tap his fingers on ur calves absentmindedly while he’s watching tv

-he probably created a playlist of songs ur ‘allowed’ to play around him. meaning, it’s only the songs on ur phone that he likes 🙄

-bakugou always takes his work phone calls outside. like if his phone rings he’ll just stand up n walk tf out the door to take it. even if it’s cold. u ask him once about it n he just “Work stays at work. This is my fuckin’ home. Now shut up about it already.”

-you’ve never once seen this man wearing socks around the house. don’t ask me, i cannot explain this whatsoever, but i just kno this man walks around constantly barefoot 🤢🤮 unfortunately.

-he’s like, the most functional person ever in almost every aspect, but the stuff katsuki is bad at?? pls he is hopelessly bad. like, lets say art stuff. omg he just doesnt have the patience for it, okay, so say goodbye to any dreams of cute lil couple’s crafts. like, he’ll sit there while u do yours, but his will look like utter shit

- during the week, katsuki is either at work, training, or at home. pls, he works so hard during the day that i highly doubt he’s anything but an absolute homebody during the work week.

- bakugou gets pissy if u re-arrange any of the furniture on a whim. pls he likes comfort and familiarity n if he stubs his toe on the stupid coffee table one more fucking time, he’s going to scream

-its a rare occurance,, especially bc of the crazy hours he works,, but bakugou rlly likes making dinner for u to come home to. he just likes to feel like he’s taking care of u tbh

-he still goes to bed at like 8:30. or thats what u think, but rlly he just goes to sit in your room and have some time to himself for a bit. as much as he loves u, he prob still needs some alone time to recharge

-bakugou takes meticulous care of any plants u have in the house. like he’ll water them on a strict-ass schedule, n preen them when necessary. pls the way he’ll curse them out if they even dare to wilt under his care?? very much “What the hell, you bitch? ‘m doin’ everything fuckin’ perfect! Grow already!”

-katsuki is such a little bitch when he’s sick. he’ll be running like a 103 temp, brain literally melting, and still trying to get up and work out. the only way u can get him to chill the hell out is if u take a nap with him. ofc that means u always get sick too,, but hey- lil sacrifices right??

-he never lets you get the door. like, if there’s a knock n neither of u knows who it could be,, pls he’s on his feet so fast. waving u away n looking thru the keyhole w/ sm suspicion

-he has his spot on the couch, n u will not find him sitting anywhere else. like, that’s his spot. u better pray for anybody who mistakenly takes it

-bakugou doesn’t like dirt or grime, so he won’t allow you or himself, to sit on your bed with clothes that have been outside. like, even if you’re just sitting on top of the covers, he’s gonna throw a fit and demand you change your clothes first bc “No way in hell am I gonna let your dumbass dirty up my bed.”

-katsuki rlly likes when it storms outside. he’ll go sit in front of the window and watch the rain, sipping on a warm drink while he waits for more thunder.

-living with bakugou is incredibly frustrating, bc he’ll just show up with new skills all of the goddamn time. like you’ll be like, “hmm i’d love to remodel the bathroom someday”,, and the very next weekend bakugou is meticulously re-tiling the bathroom floor by hand, probably also painting the walls in a new color, maybe even installing a new sink just to spruce it up. n then he’ll just present the entirely new, upgraded room with such weird nonchalance that it pisses u off. pls and if you watch him while he does these little projects, with all the weird precision and skill he suddenly gains?? pls you’re sure he must be possessed by the ghost of a craftsman

- when he hangs out with the bakusquad, he’ll drag you along every time. he expects you to sit with him the entire time and act as a social buffer?? basically, someone’ll ask him a question, one he deems stupid and therefore not worth answering, and bakugou will just look at you expectantly. he’ll just stare at you blankly, hardly even blinking until you pick up the slack and answer for him. you call him out on this many times, but it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t change anything. he does this over and over and over again

-bakugou gets really unsettled when you guys fight. like, he can’t sleep and he’s snapping at everybody, and is somehow more aggressive than usual. he always wants to just make up already, but the pride in the way won’t allow it

-he’s a weird stickler about intended furniture functionality?? like, the table is for eating, and the couch is for watching tv, and then only way you’re gonna get him to mix the two is if you ask him rlly rlly nicely

-finally- i have no basis for this one, but ik it in my heart: bakugou has a very intense fight with your thermostat nearly every single day. he swears up and down that it never ‘behaves’ for him, but every time you check it, it’s working perfectly fine

--/--

ahahhaa sorry y’all for the super random spam today,, but here were are back to our regularly scheduled bakugou programming,,,, bc idk if it’s obvious ur honor, but i love him

#bnha bakugou #mha bakugou #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou x y/n #bakugou x self insert #bakugou hcs #bakugou headcannons #bakugou fluff #bnha fic #mha fic #mha headcannons #bnha headcannons

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reidgraygubler · 4 years

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hot cocoa and cuddles part two (spencer reid/reader)

Title: hot cocoa & cuddles (part 2) Request: no Couple: Spencer Reid/Gender Neutral!Reader Category: fluff Content Warning: swearing (if any), mentions of a case/s, mentions of illnesses, tbh idk what else to tag Word Count: 2,348 Summary: the team returns back to maryland/dc after the case in alaska. reader discovers they still can’t warm up, even after everything they do. spencer tries to help out, again A/N: the long awaited part 2 of hot cocoa and cuddles. this is for the people who want to read part two and those who were looking forward to it… o.o thanks for all the love and support! Check out my masterlist!

part one

{***}{***}{***}

I pulled my sweater cardigan tighter around my body and shivered slightly. I pulled my hands away from my sweater and wrapped them around my hot mug, which was just hot tea. My eyes de-focused on the desktop in front of me. Anything Penelope and Aaron were saying went in one ear and out the other.

“You okay there, Honeybee?” Derek asked, looking over at me. I shivered and looked over at him. All eyes were on me as I tried to make myself not shake from my freezing-ness. “We’ve said your name like 6 times.”

“We’ve been home for 2 weeks and I am still freezing,” I spoke through clenched teeth. I wrapped my hands around my mug, which was slowly getting colder. “I have done literally everything to keep warm, and I’m still freezing.” I shook my head.

“Maybe you should get a cat,” Emily spoke up. I looked over at her and furrowed my eyebrows. “Sergio keeps me pretty warm at night.” She smiled at me. I laughed lightly and shook my head.

“My apartment doesn’t allow pets,” I mumbled and stared at the table. I shrugged and shook my head. “I guess I just live in this constant state of forever being cold.” I frowned.

“Maybe you should get your blood check. You could have low iron,” Spencer spoke up, tapping his fingers on the tabletop. I looked over at him and shook my head. “Being cold can be a symptom of low iron… You could be anemic... hypothyroidism is always a possibility,” he continued on his ramble/.

“Hey, Spence?" I asked as I looked at him, my hands wrapping tighter around my mug, which at this point was starting to get lukewarm.

“Yeah." He looked over at me with a smile.

“I don’t think I need you to tell me of my impending doom because I’m cold. I went to Alaska, not a hospital filled with a bunch of sickly people,” I whispered. Spencer lifted his finger to retort but failed when I shot him a glare.

“Get a boyfriend.” JJ smiled at me. I looked at her, trying to hide my smile but clearly failing. “Like your own personal space heater in bed. Body heat is a wonderful thing,” she mused as she flipped her file open. I shook my head as I glanced at Spencer.

“Yeah, I’ll look into getting a boyfriend or my own personal space heater. Although, I’m not entirely sure if my apartment will allow those,” I pouted. JJ laughed and shook her head.

“Hey, Honeybee, I’m always free if you need a personal space heater.” Derek smirked at me. I laughed harder than I should have and looked at him.

“You seriously expect me to sleep in the same bed as you, Derek Morgan?” I cackled and shook my head. Spencer shifted in his seat and kept his eyes down on the file in front of him.

“You shared a bed with Pretty Boy over there.” Derek nodded to my friend beside me. I tensed up slightly and glared at him.

“Better him than you, to be honest.” I flashed him a teasing smile.

“Guys, let’s get back on the task at hand. Garcia,” Aaron spoke up as he looked back at Penelope. I stifled my laughter as I looked back at Derek. He grumbled something under his breath as he looked back at his file.

{***}{***}{***}

I swear my heater was up so high (or as high as my bill would allow), I had my fluffiest and coziest pair of socks on, and at least 3 different sized hoodies on… The Alaska case was several weeks ago, I’ve been home ever since then… So why am I as cold as I am? And why can’t I warm up? Maybe I should take Derek up on his offer. Though, I think that’d be a whole new line I’d cross. Hard pass, thank you very much.

I should be asleep right now. 1:30 in the morning and I was sitting in bed with a hot water bottle pressed to my body. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. Crap, what if Spencer was right? What if I do have low iron or anemia? Or that hydro… Hypothyroidism, whatever that could be… I should ask him what that means. I wonder if he would be willing to be my personal space heater again. I mean, I know I kept him warm every bit as he kept me warm when we were in Alaska. And, he knows I’ve been cold. Listen, I’m just trying to rationalize wanting to cuddle Spencer Reid. I’d be lying if I said I haven’t stopped thinking about that. And, I wouldn’t be upset if it happened again.

“Screw this,” I muttered as I climbed out of bed with a blanket around my body. I shook my head as I muttered profanities under my breath. My body shook as I walked towards the front door of my apartment. I slipped my shoes on and left the house, freezing as I left my warm home.

And then I found myself standing just outside of Spencer’s apartment. Better him over Derek, I kept repeating to myself. I have a better relationship with him than Derek. Derek is more of an older brother to me. Spencer... I don’t know what he is to me. But he definitely isn't an older brother...

“Just… knock,” I whispered as I brought my fist to the door. It’s nearly two in the morning. I hope he wasn’t asleep. Although, knowing Spencer he was probably awake, reading over some old files.

“What… What are you doing here?” Spencer’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I blinked before staring at him. He was wearing a black t-shirt and red and black checkered pj pants. Though his hair was messy and disheveled, he was definitely not asleep.

“Just… Just coming to see how you’re doing,” I lied and shrugged. Spencer looked at me, raising an eyebrow. It was clear he wasn’t so sure of my answer. But to be fair, I wasn’t sure about my answer either.

“What’s really going on?” he asked, stepping to the side, silently inviting me in. I looked around his apartment and took a deep breath. His home always smelled like cinnamon and spice. I probably enjoyed it too much. Although, it made me feel warm… Which I was okay with. Answering Spencer’s question didn’t even cross my mind until I turned back and looked at him. “Is everything okay?” he asked again once I was facing him. I took a deep breath as I tugged on the ends of my sleeves.

“Uh, I was just… I was just thinking about the Alaska trip.” I wrinkled my nose as I looked anywhere but Spencer’s face. I was only mildly embarrassed that I was here… asking Spencer if he would want to cuddle with me… because I’m so cold. Man, I’m happy Spencer isn’t the teasing type. Not that he’d tease me about this. I know that anyone else would though…

“What about the Alaska trip?” Spencer looked at me, his tone telling me he was very wary about my statement. I looked at the ground and shrugged.

“Just something you said, I guess,” I started as I looked at him, “Well, something you said earlier today,” I shrugged as I looked back down at the ground. I really wanted my blanket and hot water bottle. Even though I was warmer in his apartment, I was still cold. “Could I really be sick? Is that why I’m so cold?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest as I looked back at him. A shiver worked its way down my body and all the way to the tips of my toes and fingers.

“Come on, I’m gonna make you hot chocolate, and then we’re gonna go lay in my bed, under the covers.” He held a hand out for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before carefully resting my hand in his. He clasped his fingers around mine before leading me to his kitchen.

“You didn’t answer my questions, Spencer. You know more than anyone that avoiding a question means your keeping something from someone.” I watched as he made two large mugs of hot cocoa.

He still didn’t answer my questions as we walked towards his bedroom. And, in fact, he was silent up until I was sitting beside him on the bed, holding my mug of hot chocolate close to my body. Even though I was now in a warmer home, with a hot drink, several blankets, and the warmest person I know (despite his sometimes icy hands), I was still very cold. So, I looked over at him, watching as he flipped through the pages of his book.

“Are you going to answer my questions?” I asked, reaching over and placing my mug on the side table. Spencer looked over at me with a raised brow, slightly closing his book. “Am I actually dying?” I asked, feeling a certain fear grow in my tone.

“You’re not dying,” he said as he folded the corner of the page in his book before closing it. I watched as he set it on his side table.

“You don’t sound very convincing.” I shrugged, pulling one of my several blankets tighter around me. Spencer looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. He carefully gestured for me to move closer to him, and when I hesitated, he pulled me closer to him.

“You’re not dying. You’re not sick. You’re just cold. Everyone knows you’re probably the one who gets cold the most. Even when we were in Florida, you were cold,” Spencer said as he kept his arms around my body, holding me close to his. His body temperature was definitely warming me up, just like it had a few weeks prior.

“Hey! That’s because the stupid officers had the A/C on 65! It was freezing!” I moved away from him and looked at his face. I could feel a giggly smile grow on my face as I kept my eyes on him. “You giving me your sweater was like a gift from God.” I looked down at him.

“I think that’s the fourth sweater that’s gone missing?” He copied my smile before laughing. I looked away from him, trying to play innocent. “And the only common denominator is you.” Spencer poked my nose before he pulled me back closer to him. I rolled my eyes before curling back into his side. The goosebumps that were once on my arms and exposed skin, were now fading away the longer I stayed beside Spencer.

“If it makes you feel any better, they were quite warm.” I smiled. I left out the part that I enjoyed that they smelled like him. “And, I’ll return them washed,” I added, again leaving out that I’ll be sad that they won’t hold his scent.

“If they weren’t my favorite sweaters, I would say keep them. But I’m rather fond of two of those.” Spencer looked down at me with a warm smile. I laughed.

“Thanks for letting me in. I know it’s late. I promise I won’t make this a habit,” I laughed as I looked out onto the blankets in front of me. Part of me wondered what temperature Spencer had his furnace on, and how it was so warm. Mostly because my furnace was on pretty high and it was still like an icebox in my apartment.

“It’s okay, really. You should work on getting a portable heater for your house and desk just so they warm up faster,” Spencer suggested.

I almost, very nearly, said “But then that’d mean I can’t come over anymore,” But I didn’t. So, I just stayed silent.

“Like Garcia said, your own personal space heater,” Spencer laughed. Though, I cringed, remembering what Derek had said.

“Yeah? Or I could just get a Derek Morgan.”

“Who would want him as a boyfriend,” he scoffed, sounding mildly hurt with my joke. I looked up at him with furrowed brows before sitting upright.

“I never said I wanted him as my boyfriend. I was joking that he said he could be my space heater or a boyfriend. I was saying… What I meant was I could get a boyfriend instead. Because, you know…. Cuddling is a good way to-”

“What if it was me,” he asked, cutting me off so swiftly. I had to look at him to make sure he actually said what he said, because he was so quiet and he said it so fast, I almost wasn’t sure.

“You want…” I furrowed my eyebrows, again, as I stared at him. Spencer was looking down at the blankets, probably wondering to himself if he actually said what he said. “Spencer, if you wanted to ask me out all you had to do was ask.” Okay, I was definitely warming up a lot faster now, feeling my blood rush from a sudden secondhand embarrassment that I didn’t really want to feel.

“It’s a lot more than that,” he muttered as he looked at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before reaching a hand up to his face. I carefully guided him so he was looking right at me.

“It really isn’t… Like, ask me a question, any question.” I smiled, feeling my fingertips warm up under the warmth of his skin.

“Can I kiss you,” he asked, his voice very soft. I smiled before nodding, feeling a newfound excitement flood my body. Spencer lifted his hands and cupped my face, warming my cheeks instantly, before leaning closer to me.

As his lips connected with mine, I finally felt warm for the first time in weeks. His arms holding me close to his body, like he became my own personal space heater, again. I could sense that he knew I was warming up because when he pulled away from me and looked down at me, he was smiling.

“I’d be okay if I made a habit of this.” Spencer nodded as he carefully ran a hand through my hair. I couldn’t help but laugh again.

“Good.” I smiled before pressing my lips to his for a moment, “Because I could too.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

#shadow writes stuff #masterlist #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #doctor spencer reid #doctor spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid fanfiction #doctor spence reid fanfiction #doctor spencer reid fan fiction #criminal minds fan fic #criminal minds one shot

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tae-bebe · 3 years

Text

tag game spam

gonna put this under the cut bc i don't wanna fill up ur dashes but thank u to all my sweet angels @cowboyjinbop @kithtaehyung @yoongisshadow @taejinnies for the tags !

4 songs tag - list 4 songs you've had on repeat lately

1. si fueras mia - D.O.

2. moonlight - agust D

3. tokyo - RM

4. im gonna love you - D.O. (currently obsessed with this whole album)

which bts core aesthetic are you?

you have gotten taecore!! ur like graffiti in the city, art pieces in cafes, gold lining on a page, coffee stains and libraries, gold star stickers, golden hours, greek art, finding beauty in small things, such as wildflowers or a stranger's laugh, and comfort in the middle of the night. this means u are very sociable and know how to make friends quickly and easily, even in just a span of a few minutes. u attract people very easily, and take artistic expression very seriously, such as painting, drawing, dance, music, or writing. u know how to take time for urself, and also know how to make the people u feel matter the most know how much u appreciate them. u aren't afraid to establish what u feel to the people u love, and are very caring. have fun with this knowledge!!

okay but this is so pretty i wanna print it out and hang it on my wall (also the london pics...my beloveds)

30 questions tag game

1. name: isabella/bella/bels/bel/bel baby/beb/belly (just @taehyungsupremacy) /isa (only in italy tho)/bunny rabbit (my mum lol)

2. star sign: taurus sun/virgo moon/gemini rising/aries venus

3. height: i think ? about 5'6 maybe 5'7 on a good day

4. birthday: 6th of may 1998

5. favourite band: i mean...feel like u guys can guess this one (non kpop im gonna go with haim)

6. time: 19:48

7. favourite solo artist: lorde (rb if melodrama changed ur life)

8. song stuck in your head: it’s still animal by ballistik boyz that song is laced with crack i swear

9. last movie you watched: rocks on netflix which is a gorgeous coming of age type film about young girls in london 10/10 would recommend

10. free space: i am moving to sk in 2 days !!!!!! wtf !!!!!!

11. last show you watched: does run count ?

12. when i created this blog: tae-bebe's 6 month anniversary is actually later this month ! :')

13. what i post: mostly content about taehyung's nose freckle, any and every gif that anj and kara make, and occasionally some fic (watch this space)

14. last thing i googled: my travel insurance policy lol

15. other blogs: @bel-baby @conmisplumas (both just aesthetic and vibes rlly)

16. do i get asks: whenever i do my brain releases unmatched amounts of serotonin so pls feel free to jump in my asks whenever !

17. why did i choose my url: well bel-baby is my main, @cal-baby was my 5sos blog (linking in case anyone wants to have a laugh at 16 yr old bella) so i wanted to complete the trio but alas this was the next best option

18. following: queens

19. followers: angels

20. average hours of sleep: not enough

21. lucky number: 7 (duh)

22. instruments: the only thing that gets played around here is me

23. what am i wearing: an old pair of jeans and a tshirt that says "guapa" bc u know self love

24. dream job: sugar baby or sugar daddy idm either way

25. favourite food: currently jajangmyeon, long time fav: tacos al pastor

26. tea or coffe: iced oat milk mocha or an oat milk dirty chai latte pls

27. nationality: british (derogative) but im a weird little mix of iraqi, spanish, italian and russian too

28. favourite song: i think i have a different answer to this q roughly every 15 minutes

29. last book i read: the land where lemons grow - helena ramsay

30. top 3 virtual universes you'd want to live in: can i copy jessi's answer and just say the universe in which im dating yoontaekook

#about me #beloved moots

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deniigi · 4 years

Note

I WOULD LOVE A DAVE FIC !!!

Excellent. Here’s for you and @dudewhereismy-tardis

I am putting most of it under the cut because it is LONG

Dave (Daredevil copycat from Inimitable Verse) POV. Reminder that Dave is not his real name, but one given to him disdainfully by Wade in this verse.

Title: rises in the east

------------

“Dad.”

What?

“Dad.”

What time was it?

“Your phone’s ringing,” Charlie said. “It’s the boss.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“Give it here,” Dave rasped, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Mom said you’re gonna hurt your back sleepin’ on the couch,” Charlie reported as she shoved his phone into his palm.

“My couch, my rules,” Dave said. He crammed the phone to his ear. “Ansel here,” he said.

Charlie wanted to stay home and if she was a year older, Dave would have let her. But alas. The last time he’d let her stay home, she’d texted her friend Jesse who had become unspeakably jealous and had appealed to her own parents for such freedoms, and now the whole block thought that Dave recklessly abandoned his daughter when he went to the goddamn grocery store.

All that for a can of Sprite, man.

This neighborhood was off the fuckin’ charts sometimes.

Case in point: Dani standing in front of him in the lobby with her hands on her hips, telling him that he needed to wear a tighter t-shirt or to start flexing because they were losing business.

“Dani, I’m an instructor,” he reminded her. “I’m hired to do classes.”

“It’s two hours,” Dani said. “Take the damn fliers.”

But he didn’t want to?

Dani blinked at him slowly from under her headband.

Charlie was having a great time and Dave was glad for that because he was not. He was being stared at by every person in the street as if they’d never seen a dude with muscles before.

It was the shirt.

He knew it was the shirt.

And possibly his nipples. Smashing the brochures high enough against his chest to cover them wasn’t going well and the highlighter teal underarmor Dani had forced upon him left very little to the imagination here.

There wasn’t anything else to do but let the poor things live their best lives.

“Dad, gimme more,” Charlie said.

She tugged at the brochures covering what was left of his dignity.

Blessed child, who hurt you?

“Where did the others go?” he asked her.

Charlie pointed across the road to a gaggle of ladies leaning out from their stoop, smiling.

Ah.

Yes.

Them.

“Let’s try for someone who looks more like a bro,” he told his offspring.

Charlie blinked up at him.

“Why?” she asked.

Oh, baby.

“Because they’re an easy mark,” he said. “Go up and say ‘my dad can take you’ and send ‘em my way, okay?”

Charlie’s face went from confused to ready to kill instantly.

This was her game face. This was her ‘I’m gonna wreck this goalee’s teeth’ face.

Dave shouldn’t have been proud of her, really; her teachers said that she was becoming argumentative and obstinate in the classroom. But there was just something there in the fact that his kid sure as shit wasn’t no sheep that made his chest feel big, wide, and full of hot air.

“I’m on it,” Charlie said.

He gave her three brochures and let her scramble off to the other side of the sidewalk and then turned to meet the eye of a family with a father with neat hair and the beginnings of triceps peeking out from under his sleeves.

“You lookin’ for a gym, sir?” he asked.

The guy looked his way and eyed him up.

He took a flier on his way past.

“Excuse me?”

“One second, man,” Dave said, doing the rock-shuffle to keep all the fliers on the table from blowing away.

“Excuse me.”

“Hey, I said just a sec,” Dave snapped.

He turned back and found himself staring into the dark eyes of a bald man with olive skin and deep wrinkles in his forehead.

And Dave knew him.

Holy shit.

Dave knew him.

Fuck.

God.

Jesus, Lord.

“I am so sorry,” he started.

“DAD.”

Ch—Charlie?

He looked down and sure enough, holding Rudolph ‘Diamond’ De Luca’s massive bearpaw was his very own daughter. De Luca made her wiry, suntanned limbs seem like unbaked pretzels.

He was so much bigger than he’d seemed on TV all those years ago.

“This your kid?” De Luca asked.

Jesus.

“She is. I’m so sorry,” Dave said, “Did she—she didn’t bite you or anything, did she?”

“Dad,” Charlie whined. “Don’t tell ‘im that.”

“I’ll pay for whatever damage—” Dave continued.

De Luca blinked at him impossibly slowly with long dark eye lashes. He turned his face slowly back down towards Charlie.

“You sure this is your old man?” he asked.

Wh—

Wait.

What the hell did that mean?

“That’s him,” Charlie moaned. “He’s just bein’ dumb. Dad. Stop bein’ dumb. This dude’s the real deal. He’ll fight you in a heartbeat.”

Dave grabbed his child before she could cause any more damage. She made a fuss, but let go of De Luca’s mitt. Dave shoved her behind him, just in case this situation got any more tense than it needed to be.

De Luca lifted an eyebrow at that and then brought his face back up to Dave’s.

“Who’s gym?” he asked.

What?

Oh.

“Spitfire,” Dave said. “We’re, uh, just about there, on the—”

“I know where you’re about,” De Luca said.

Dave didn’t know what to say. De Luca held his eye.

Oh, god.

This wasn’t going well.

“How old are you, son?” De Luca asked.

FFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffuck.

“38,” Dave said.

“And your baby girl?” De Luca asked, gesturing with his chin down at Charlie.

“I’m 12,” Charlie told him brightly.

“Hm,” De Luca said.

He shifted his weight back and wrapped a few fingers around his chin, surveying Dave’s whole body like he was the statue of David with a knee injury.

Dave became intimately aware of his nipples again.

“Not bad,” De Luca said.

Oh, thank god.

“Thank you, sir,” Dave said. “Is there, uh, somethin’ I could help you with?”

“You got an accent,” De Luca noted.

Uh?

“A good accent,” De Luca said. “Whereabouts did you grow up?”

Oh.

Well.

Dave could actually just point to it from here. The condo was still standing, despite all building codes and actual alien invasions. At this point, the only thing that was gonna take it down were the rampant, rapidly mutating, borderline feral gangs of chickens that roamed its halls.

Not that anyone spoke about them.

No, that was inviting trouble to your doorstep.

“The chicken coop?” De Luca said.

The one and only.

“Bless you, you poor fuck.”

Yeah, that tended to be the usual reaction.

De Luca laughed.

“You’re a funny guy, uh,” he squinted at Dave’s nametag, “Ansel?”

How could a word sound so wrong in someone’s mouth?

Where had Dave’s life gone wrong that his own name sounded so foreign and distant to his ears?

“Actually,” he said, swallowing, “My uh, my friends call me ‘Dave.’”

De Luca’s head snapped right up and slowly, a grin spread across his face.

“Oh, now, that’s a good name for ya,” he said. “You look like a Davy.”

Hng.

Diamond De Luca thought he looked like a ‘Davy.’

Welp.

Time to get that birth certificate changed.

“Listen, Davy,” De Luca said casually, “Your baby girl there was tellin’ me that your boss has you out here like dancin’ monkey; is that true?”

Fffffffffff.

Technically yes?

“It’s even his day off,” Charlie whispered.

Dave wrapped a hand over her face.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It happens. Folks’ve been sick lately. I don’t normally do this kinda thing.”

De Luca’s face said that that was real cute. Real, real cute, honey.

“Well,” he said, “Let’s just say it like this. Where you work don’t gotta be where you train.”

Oh.

Was he offering--?

“If you decide to drop by, tell the guy at the desk Rudy sent you,” De Luca said. “Your kid’s real sweet, Davy. She can come too, lord knows the damn place is a daycare at this point.”

“Thank? You?” Dave stuttered.

“Don’t mention it,” De Luca said.

He left. Dave watched him waltz down the block and wave at the gals collected on the stoop at the end of it and felt a little lightheaded.

“Dad?”

Not right now, champ.

“Dad? Is he famous or somethin’?”

HHHHHHHHHHNG.

Back when Dave had been 14 and scraping the tips of his fingers into callouses on the old guitar he’d found tossed into a dumpster in the Upper West Side, he’d had to compete with the sound of the couple fighting in the apartment next door and with the radio the old man downstairs always had playing on his fire-escape window.

The old man downstairs was a real hard-ass. Always slammed a broom into the ceiling, scaring the shit out of Mom and Dad and sister and auntie. Dave had never seen him not smoking, nor had he ever seen him without suspenders.

The man was a retired plumber, apparently. And while Jim Beam was his main vice, his passion was boxing.

To the tune of chords picked out of an out-of-tune guitar, Dave had listened to tinny commentators oohing and awing over match after match, until finally, when sleep wouldn’t come one night, Dave had snuck out of the room he’d shared with Flora. He’d settled down on the living room couch, next to his old man splayed out in the recliner.

Dad had lifted his eyes slowly his way and told him that he should have been in bed.

Dave had told him that he couldn’t sleep because the couple next door was makin’ up from their daily afternoon argument and Dad had just sighed.

He’d let Dave stay up with him and the TV in the living room had fuzzed and rattled away, making sounds really familiar to Dave at that point.

Boxing was a sport that he had, up until that night, left to his father. But for the lack of anything else to talk about that wouldn’t make his dad look at him with disappointment in his eyes for all that damn music-playin’ and eyeliner, he’d asked who the guy on the screen was.

And that was how he’d learned about Diamond De Luca.

About Kenny Varga. Bert ‘The Albatross’ Kleinfeld.

But there was one guy who Dad had mentioned was his favorite rookie and, now it felt both kind of silly and surreal that the name had been spoken so casually in Dave’s home growing up.

Dad had been puttin’ money on Battlin’ Jack Murdock back when Dave had been a little kid.

He told Dave, disappointedly, after a few weeks of Dave getting up at 12:30 to come out and watch boxing with him that he’d really thought that Murdock was gonna be the next big thing.

Guy was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, Dad had said, shaking his head. But wolves that got too wily got put down and Battlin’ Jack had been found in an alley, bled out in the arms of his reason for fighting.

Dad said it was a fuckin’ shame that Murdock had gone out with a slug in his head.

A fuckin’ shame, he said.

Dave didn’t remember him every saying that Murdock’s reason for fighting was a blind ten-year-old, but the thought was now merged with that memory.

That, in itself, was merged with the memory of Dave’s phone ringing one night was Addie’s name on the Caller ID. Her voice was shaking when she told Dave that the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen had just called her from an unknown number.

He had their baby.

He’d snatched her and Jesse out of the arms of two men looking for girls to be used in businesses Dave didn’t want to think about.

He’d saved them.

The devil had heard their screams when no one else had and he’d come flying out of the dark.

He’d held the girls in the light of a bodega and he’d coached Charlie through typing Addie’s number into his phone and then he’d taken it from there.

Addie was too scared to go meet the devil on her own. Mason hadn’t been around yet and so Dave had thrown on his shoes and had meet her on 46th.

The devil was on 48th, swinging his boots with both girls in his lap.

They were all singing. The devil had pretended like he didn’t know the words to Britney Spears’s ‘Toxic.’

Matt Murdock was under that mask.

Knowing that this whole time, he’d been the one dragging a stick against the fences and bricks of Hell’s Kitchen was almost impossible to digest.

And Dave had worked with him now.

He’d seen that smirk and that notorious jaw unwrapped from its red armor and that didn’t make reconciling the murdered boxer’s son with the man who’d saved his daughter any easier.

Charlie hadn’t remembered him.

She thought that Matt Murdock was a weird fuckin’ dude, and granted, he was a weird fuckin’ dude, but Dave had to say: he was grateful.

Matt Murdock not only brought home his baby, but he’d given Dave purpose in a life that had become consumed by the daily grind.

Matt Murdock had smiled in his direction, never quite into his eyes, and he’d passed along the baton with next to no fight.

Dave wasn’t him.

Dave would never be him.

Matt Murdock wasn’t just some poor murdered boxer’s blind son. He was the product of some serious poverty. Some serious violence. A whole fuckin’ cult induction, if he was to be believed. And Dave wasn’t so sure if he was always to be believed.

But he still appreciated Matt Murdock for what he’d done and what he’d made for this part of the city.

He’d made Daredevil.

And he shared that with Dave.

Dave’s own dad’s approval hadn’t felt like the honor that had come with Matt Murdock’s covered eyes and curled lip slowly relaxing as he’d lifted his face up from Dave’s knees.

He hadn’t been inspecting.

He’d been listening. Dipping his fingers into the blood in Dave’s heart and deciding if he was worth his salt.

Matt Murdock, son of Battlin’ Jack Murdock, was a product of Fogwell’s Gym in the Kitchen.

Diamond De Luca, retired heavyweight, was a product of Fogwell’s Gym.

The stars had aligned. And Dave had stood in their path.

And he wasn’t wasting the chance that they offered him.

Charlie was stoked to be allowed to come to the gym with him. She usually went to Jesse’s house, where Rubes would look after both girls for a few hours.

But De Luca had said that it was okay for her to come along, and so he figured, why not?

Fogwell’s was an institution in the Kitchen. All kids deserved to know their own history.

“I’m gonna fight Fogwell himself,” Charlie announced halfway down the block.

“You will not,” Dave told her. “Because I’m not tryin’ to get thrown out before we even get started here, alright?”

Charlie whined.

He ignored it.

This wasn’t the first time he’d been to the gym. Matt Murdock slipped in and out of it when he was in the city and he’d taken the whole team there once or twice. But it was different to be there in the presence of the daytime crew.

Dave felt very small in their presence.

The whole place was full of people pounding bags and swearing and shouting at kids who were tumbling all over the rows of benches set off to the side of the bags.

It was not what Dave had been expecting.

He told the guy at the front that ‘Rudy’ had recommended that he stop by and got a nod and a wave.

“He’s probably upstairs,” the receptionist said. “Go pick a bag, I’ll give him a buzz.”

Charlie refused to join the kids on the benches because apparently that was ‘only for babies, Dad.’ She wanted to hold the bag.

She was not, in one thousand years, holding the bag.

Dave wrapped her hands and let her go at it first to ‘soften it up’ for him.

De Luca caught him adjusting the demon-child’s thumbs before they ended up at the hospital again and laughed.

“Davy-boy, you made it,” he said.

Dave snapped up straight to attention.

“I did,” he said.

De Luca laughed again.

“Relax, kid,” he said. “Damn, you’re tight wound. Don’t worry, we won’t tell no one you’re sleepin’ with the enemy.”

Ahahahaha.

Please don’t.

These people were jacked. Dave was but a kickboxing instructor.

“Here, bub, lemme see what your pops has got,” De Luca said, shooing Charlie out of the way.

And this was the moment of truth.

De Luca seemed surprised when Dave finally laid off the bag. And Dave couldn’t read his expression for a million bucks.

“Uh?” he tried. “Not good?”

De Luca blinked himself back to earth.

“Oh, no,” he said. “It’s just uh, you fight a little like someone I know.”

Please don’t say a mobster.

“Kid used to live around here; name’s Matt Murdock,” De Luca said. “You know him?”

Did—

Did he know him?

QUICK. Answer the question.

You’re takin’ too long.

He’s gonna—

“S’alright if you don’t,” De Luca said. “I was just sayin’. Kid was like one of my own.”

He—

What?

“Yeah, boy fought like the devil like his daddy before ‘im,” De Luca said. “He’s the only one Fogwell lets call him ‘Grandpa.’ He’s about your age, actually. God, I’m old.”

AHAHAHAHAHA.

Please change the subject.

“You’re not that old,” Dave said. “I think I might have heard the name.”

Charlie looked up at him, baffled at the hedging.

He pleaded with her with his eyes not to say a damn word.

“Yeah, he’s somethin’, left here for San Francisco. Didn’t even say good-bye, the little shit,” De Luca sniffed. “Came back last year all ‘I’m gettin’ married’ and I swear to god, he’s picked up some kid. Just between you and me, pal, the old guard here have been talkin’, and we think that someone missed out on the sex ed talk, if you know what I’m sayin’.”

Oh.

Poor Sam.

He wasn’t even there to scream from the mountaintops that Red was a last resort for him at best.

“I’m just sayin’,” De Luca said with a shrug that spoke far more of supreme irritation than nonchalance, “He coulda just told us. I’m just sayin’.”

Any more ‘just sayin’s’ and Diamond De Luca was gonna go find a wall to bury them in.

“Did you, uh, have any feedback?” Dave blurted out as the guy started mumbling.

“Hm?”

“Feedback,” Dave repeated, waving a gloved hand at the bag.

“Oh. Yeah, loads, kid. You got all the muscles and not a damn lick of memory, here, lemme show you.”

Crisis averted.

Thank god.

D2: hey uh, DD?

SM: DAVE

S2: DAVEEEE

S3: DAVE

SM: what’s up man?

D2: nothing I was just trying to get ahold of DD?

BT: He’s trying to get Kirsten to give up her dreams of an indoor office pond rn. Can I help?

SM: I want an indoor office pond

S3: omg same

D2: uh yeah actually could you just tell him I met a guy named De Luca the other day and he might want to give him a call?

BT: de Luca?

D2: yeah

BT: okay sure thing

D2: thanks

BT: I’ll go see if I can get a word in edgewise.

SM: good fucking luck

S2: I hate fish

S3: leave this place and never return

S2: I HATE FISH

DD: WHAT

SM: oh shit that was quick

D2: oh. I was just saying that I met Diamond De Luca the other day?

SM: ?? Who’s that?

DD: oh no

S2: ??????????????

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): who the fuck is that?

DD: are you still with him?

D2: no?

D2: he caught me out fliering and invited me to Fogwell’s

D2: and when I got there he mentioned my stance was like yours and he uh

D2: got a little distracted

DD: what kind of distracted?

D2: He thinks Sam’s your bastard kid

BT: GODDAMNIT

DD: FOR FUCKS SAKE

BT: First Mrs. Jones, now this guy?? TEACH.

DD: These people have zero faith in me I swear to god.

DD: like come ON man. I did sex ed in the same class as Angie he knows I’m too catholic for that shit

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): I looked this man up and he looks like an Italian nate with less hair

SM: wh

DP (´｡✪ω✪｡´): okay you’re right he looks nothing like nate

SM: that

SM: that’s not even slightly helpful, wade, thanks not at all. Hey who’s angie?

DD: long story. Rudy’s daughter

S2: RED YOU FUCKED A BOXERS DAUGHTER?? That’s a million dollar baby man

DD: I

DD: what?

DD: no? Why would I fuck angie she’s like my sister?

S2: oh nvm

SM: 😬😬😬

S3: I am confused ❤

D2: you should probably call him, friend

DD: on it. thanks for the notice

DD: hey what’s your fuckin name again?

S2: f

S3: f

SM: f

D2: It’s Ansel

DD: Adams?

D2: not the photographer. Ansel West.

SM: WEST

S2: OMG

S3: guys don’t

SM: I BET YOURE A SUNSET DAVE

S2: YOU EVER FEEL CALLED TO THE PRAIRIE DAVE???

SM: YOU’RE A&W, DAVE!!

S2: ROOT BEER ROOT BEER

D2: ah yes. Middle school. I remember this feeling.

Dave laid his phone on his chest and stared back up at the ceiling.

It was never dull, this new life he’d settled into.

He said a prayer for Murdock and rolled onto his side.

It was still his goddamn couch.

#fic #inimitable verse #ficlet #team red

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oikirstein · 4 years

Text

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 | Kuroken | Day 1

Synopsis: Kenma has has loved his best friend, Kuroo, for a lifetime. After a misfortunate occurrence which was photographed by the media, the PR team for Bouncing Ball Corp. decide that it’s a good idea for Kenma and Kuroo to play along with the public to increase the sales of their upcoming product release. Will Kenma be able to control his emotions, or will he lose his best friend in the process?

Contains: Angst, unrequited love, fake relationship

Posted: 12/21/2020

Word count: 3,342

Haikyuu Angst Week Prompt List here.

I have been in love with Tetsuro Kuroo since I was seven years old.

I still love him—eighteen years later.

Growing up as best friends, he was never a hard person to love. He looks out for me, brought me out of my comfort zone, hell, he’s the reason why I’ve grown into who I am today. I’d never admit that to his stupid face, though.

I was seventeen when I realized my love for him was more than just platonic. He was a year older than me, so by the time I started my third year, he was already off to university. The harsh reality of the situation finally weighed heavy on me when I waited outside of his house for thirty minutes and remembered he’s not coming anymore.

He called me later that evening apologizing, although he did nothing wrong, because that’s just the type of person Kuroo was. The next week he surprised me by waiting outside my door to walk me to school.

“I miss this,” he reminisced, staring up at the sky.

“What?” I turned to him, heart racing just a little more than usual, hoping for a certain string of words to come out of his mouth.

“Walking to school like this every morning.”

They didn’t.

I don’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe I wanted him to say he missed walking with me. I’m not sure whether I’d rather hear lies or the truth. That was the day I admitted to myself that he’d be the only person for me.

Now here we are, me at 25 and him at 26 sitting in my office with my publicist yelling at us for being so reckless in public. It was a misunderstanding, really.

“How could you do that at a party where you knew there’d be press coverage?” Kata was pacing back and forth while I rested my forehead on my crossed arms that laid on the glass desk and Kuroo leaned back in his chair on the other side of the table.

“Kata,” she stopped mid-stride and turned her attention to me as I muttered, “how many times do I have to repeat myself,” I lifted my head back up, “IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK.”

Kuroo found it difficult to hold back his laugh.

“I don’t think you should be laughing, Kuroo-san. You’re in just as much trouble as Kozume-san.”

He stopped laughing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think. It was never about what I thought. The point of my job is to make sure you look good for the public. Thats what a publicist does. Now the issue here, is that the public thinks you’re dating.”

“Okay, wow so all it takes is for me to fall, Kuroo to catch me, and some no-name photographer to snap a picture of us for us to be considered ‘dating’ now?”

“Kozume-san if you play into this little charade, say for a couple months, just long enough for the new product to be released, sales will go up, and then you can just announce that you two called it quits.”

Was it really worth playing with my heart just to earn a quick buck?

“No. I don’t want Kuroo to be forced to date me, that’s weird and embarrassing.”

Kata walked forward and took a seat in the chair next to Kuroo before she leaned forward and rest her chin on her hand, “Here’s the thing Kozume-san, you two ‘dating’, doesn't even have to be real,” proud of her award-winning idea, she leaned back in her seat, arms folded across her chest, and a smug look written all over her face.

“So what you’re saying is to do this as a cash grab?” Kuroo seemed genuinely curious.

“Well somewhat. Think of it more like...fan service.”

“Hmmm...I mean if it’s a show they want then it’s a show they’ll get,” he reached over and smacked my back, “What do you say kitten? Be my scene partner?” he smirked.

Ugh. Why does he have to use those stupid nicknames that always make my heart flutter. My face was visibly cringing as i scrunched up my nose and scowled at him. He knows I could never truly refuse when it’s him.

“Fine,” I mumbled under my breath as I looked away.

Kuroo’s footsteps were light as he got up from his seat and went around the desk to sneak up behind me. He bent down and leaned in close towards my ear.

“What was that, puddin?” he whispered, his hot breath whipping through my loose strands of hair.

I jumped out of my seat and rubbed my ear with the sleeve of my jacket and he laughed his ugly, stupid, hyena laugh.

“See! Look at that! You two aren’t even ‘dating’ and yet you have so much chemistry!” Kata said enthusiastically while clapping.

Of course we have chemistry. We’ve been best friends for eighteen years. Soulmates our whole lives. It was always easy to be around Kuroo. That’s one of the things I love about him. Why wouldn’t we have chemistry?

“Well, when you’ve been best friends with someone for like, your whole life, of course you’re gonna know exactly how to push his buttons,” his voice was breathy as he wiped tears from his eyes.

I didn’t realize it then, but I truly did sell my heart for pocket change.

A full month later was when we went out in public together as a “couple” for the first time. It was a simple brunch at a well known restaurant, but Kata made sure to anonymously tip paparazzi that we would be at that establishment. Together. It wasn’t even 30 minutes into our meal when we were bombarded with cameras.

“Today we are here with Kenma Kozume, the young CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp., and his supposed boyfriend, Tetsuro Kuroo, from the Japan Volleyball Association. Are any of you able to speak on the rumors spreading about the two of you?”

Kuroo had always been good at talking. He's been smooth with his words for as long as I could remember him. He was...a people person. The complete opposite of me, which is why we agreed that Kuroo would do most of the talking, should a camera crew show up.

He laughed, not the ugly hyena kind, it was an attractive laugh. That’s how I knew it wasn’t real.

“Well I mean we won’t confirm or deny anything right now, won’t we kitten?” he winked at me and suddenly all the attention was directed towards my direction.

Idiot. Two can play at that game.

“Im pretty sure whatever the public is thinking is probably true, hm Tetsu?”

I’ve never called him that before, so it was obvious he was shocked. Big eyes and blushy cheeks. We gave the camera exactly what it wanted.

“Is that a confirmation?” the man behind the camera was provoking us for an answer.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” he smirked before taking his chopsticks back into his hand and grabbing a plate full of beef, “Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, we’d like to continue our lunch date.”

Satisfied with the content they would now be able to work with, the cameras slowly started retreating from the scene until it was just us two again.

“Damn maybe I should’ve gone into show business,” he smirked.

“Shut up, they might still be around,” I whispered while looking down, incase we were still being watched.

“How do you know I was talking about that. I could just simply be saying that I would’ve been amazing on T.V.”

“No you wouldn’t,” I replied, monotonous voice, as I took a bite of some barbecue and rice.

“Kenma, why do you have to break my heart like this? What if I was born to be an actor?”

“Uhm I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen an actor that has the same hairstyle twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.”

“That’s a technicality. Why should hair define my amazing acting abilities?”

“Then I want to see you shave your head and wear a wig.”

Kuroo froze in the middle of whatever movement he was making and just stared at the grill in the middle of the table with a horrified expression written on his face.

“You know what? Maybe I wasn't meant to be an actor...”

Outings usually continued on like this. We would have little interviews with paparazzi, slowly dropping more and more hints about our “relationship,” and once they left, we’d have breakfast, lunch, or dinner, like we usually do. I suppose to any outsider it would seem as though we were on a date, but I wouldn’t allow myself to call this pitiful get together as such.

I could pretend this was real. I could tell myself that Kuroo reciprocated my feelings. I could tell myself that we were truly in a relationship. I could tell myself I have a chance, but a mere sliver of probability isn’t worth risking our friendship.

Since I was seventeen I accepted the fact that I’d be happy as long as he was in my life. I mean, he’d still smile the same. He’d still laugh the same. He’d still love me...

I’m supposed to be content with what I have. It’s either we stay as best friends, or we go on as strangers, and I’d rather avoid the latter. So why do I feel such a tightness in my chest whenever we’re forced to go out together? Why do I feel so selfish for wanting more?

Two months went by until we had to make an actual appearance together at a party. Me under Kuroo’s arm like some sort of bittersweet candy.

He was always good at reading people—especially me. Which is why he pulled me aside before we walked into the huge rental house. The only reason I agreed to show up was because it was Shoyo’s team celebrating their win against some team who’s name I can’t remember.

“You okay Ken?” he rested both hands on my shoulders with my back against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need a second.”

I never did like big crowds.

After taking a few minutes to breathe before submitting myself to the abyss of rowdy adrenaline-high athletes, Kuroo took my hand in his as we walked through the front doors together. It was warm. Like my fingers were molded to fit perfectly into his palm. Must’ve been why I felt so cold when he let my hand go.

As soon as the camera flashed and Bokuto called him from the other side of the room, he whispered an “I’ll be back kitten,” before joining the beefy player by the bar.

I guess I’ll go find Shoyo.

It wasn’t long until I saw a bush of bright orange bobbing up and down through a sea of people.

“Shoyo!”

“Kenma!”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Thank you! I wouldn’t want to disappoint my sponsor,” he winked, “Do you want to step outside? It’s a little loud in here.”

Whether he means to or not, Shoyo’s always been good at making sure people feel comfortable.

“Uhm, Shoyo?” I grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged a little to get his attention.

“What’s up?” he practically had to yell over the loud music and the incessant yelling of the surrounding people.

“Can we get a beer first?”

A smile spread across his face, “Of course, just wait for me by the fire outside.”

I followed his instructions and sat in one of the red lawn chairs that snaked around the circular bonfire.

“How’ve you been?” the ginger said while handing me an opened beer and sitting in the chair next to me.

“I’ve been alright. Things are running smoothly for the product release—”

“I didn't ask about how work was, Kenma,” he interrupted, “How are you?”

“Oh. Uhm...I’m keeping it together.”

He leaned back in the plastic chair and took a sip from his drink, “So you and Kuroo-san, huh?”

I looked around to make sure no one was near us. I could never lie to Shoyo.

“Barely,” I mumbled as I, myself, took a big gulp.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s an act. All because of a misunderstanding from a few months ago.”

“Well did you have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“That's unfortunate. I thought you would’ve told him how you felt by now.”

“Wait- what do you mean ‘how I felt?’ You knew?”

“I may not be that bright, but I have eyes, Kenma. I can see the way your eyes gloss over when he calls you one of those cute pet names, or the way your cheeks redden when he does that weird laugh at your jokes.”

“Hmm... You’re more observant than I thought, Sho.”

“So why haven’t you told him?”

Just thinking about confessing scared the shit out of me. All I can imagine is the disgusted look on his face when I tell him. The scenario plays over and over again in my head—the one where he walks away and fades into the background. I don’t know when I started crying, but I had only realized it when I heard the glass of Shoyo’s bottle tap the ground.

“What’s wrong?”

I wiped the hot tears from my cheeks with my wrist.

“I guess I just love him too much to lose him.”

Two weeks after that party, we had another meeting at the office.

“This has been going great so far!” Kata exclaimed, obviously proud of her idea, “Have you ever thought of being an actor?” she teased Kuroo.

“See! That’s what I’ve been telling Kenma, but apparently my untamable hair is standing in the way between me and fame.”

“You’re already all over the news, idiot.”

“And all thanks to my little kitten,” he walked over to my seat behind my desk and peppered my cheek in kisses.

“We’re not in public, you can stop acting all lovey dovey,” I spat. I didn’t even think about my words until Kata’s effervescent expression changed into a state of confused shock. She wasn’t sure how she should react to my outburst.

“W-what? It’s all fun and games, Ken,” Kuroo was taken aback by my response as well, but he hid it much better than my publicist.

“It always is with you,” I got up and walked out of office. I couldn't take it anymore. All this pretending and toying with my heart. I felt bad for blaming it all on Kuroo, when he couldn’t have possibly known about my feelings, but it was easier to blame him for my pain than to admit to myself that I’m a coward.

I rounded the corner and continued on my way to the vending machine to get an energy drink. Those always seemed to put me in a better mood.

Kuroo knew me well. Who wouldn’t after eighteen years? That’s probably why he knew exactly where to find me.

“What the hell was that, Kenma?”

I pulled up the tab of the can and let the hiss of carbonation fizzle out before I took a sip and leaned against the wall.

“What was what?”

“You’re little scene in there? What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’re lying to me.”

I looked off to the side, my eyes scanning every row in the vending machine, “I just think it’s time to call quits on this charade we have going on,” I responded dryly.

“Huh? Why? It’s only a couple more weeks until the release. Why end it now?”

“I’m tired, Kuroo. I don’t want to have to pretend all the time anymore.”

I was never an emotional person, so I knew that in this moment Kuroo knew something catastrophic was going on inside my head, for me to put myself before the potential success of the company.

“It’s just for a little while longer and then we can go back to normal, okay? Can you just hold out until then?”

“No. You’re not listening to me. Why the hell do you want to keep doing this. This doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.”

“Because I love you,” my heart rate went up at these words although I knew he didn’t mean them in the way I wish he did, “You’re my best friend and I want to see you thrive.”

“Why are you always putting yourself on the line for me?”

“Putting myself on the line? What are you—”

“I’m so selfish! And then you over here,” I rolled my eyes at him before kicking my weight off the wall, “You constantly give but you never take!”

“I don’t see the issue with that.”

“You’re too good for me,” I looked to the ground because I knew that if I looked up into his gorgeous hazel eyes, I would definitely cry.

“That’s not true—”

“Yes it is and you know it,” my voice was on the verge of cracking from how tired I was from arguing.

“You know what? You look like you need some space. Think about things okay? I’m only a phone call away. I’ll see you at the launch party,” he walked away.

The day of the launch party was a bore. Just a bunch of business men in suits and the growing anxiety in the pit of my stomach, for Kuroo had yet to show up like he promised.

It was half-past twelve when I stepped outside the venue to get some fresh air. The second I opened the doors was when I saw him pacing back and forth, deep in thought.

“Kuroo?”

“Kenma! I’m so sorry about what happened a few weeks ago—”

I did nothing but hugged him like I was going to lose him.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one that had a tantrum.”

“Well you’re not the only one that got mad.”

“Let’s go for a walk?”

He nodded and draped his heavy arm over my shoulder before he took another step.

“Well so far sales have been good. Almost linear.”

“I’m glad I was able to help. So this is the end, huh?”

We both stopped in the middle of the side walk. I didn’t want it to end. The handholding, the hugs, the camera kisses. I wanted all of it. I so badly wanted all of it to be real. Maybe it’s because I spent half the night drinking, or maybe it’s because his midnight hair ricocheted the moonlight ever so perfectly, that I felt a courage rush through me like never before.

“Why does it have to end?”

“Didn’t you say like three weeks ago that you wanted to end our little ‘relationship?’”

“I don’t mean it like that. I mean,” I unwrapped myself from his limb and stepped in front of him, “I’m in love with you, Tetsu. I have been for eighteen years.”

A piece of my heart cracked when he took a step back, face pale, and eyes widened.

“What?”

I wanted to take a step forward, but for some reason, my feet were glued to the ground.

“I love you.”

He smiled assuringly before he laughed to lighten the air. The same type of laugh he’s used to fool reporters.

“You’re my best friend, Kenma.”

“I know. I’ll never be more than that, right?”

“You know I love you,” I wouldn’t dare get my hopes up again at those words, “You’re like a little brother to me.”

Damn. Is this what it feels like for my heart to be so irreparably shattered? Physical pain spread from my chest throughout my body. To the tips of fingers and toes.

“I—” he started, before giving you that diabetes inducing smile, “I should go.”

I watched him walk away. It was a vision from my worst nightmare. When did it all change? Is this what my selfishness was bound to lead to?

What was supposed to be a simple marketing tactic, turned out to be a fate worse than death. I was heartbroken to think he was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

#haikyuu #fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #kuroo #tetsuro kuroo #kuroo tetsuro #kenma #kozume kenma #kenma kozume #kuroken #angst #haikyuu angst #kuroo x kenma #kenma x kuroo #kuroken angst #i am so sorry for this #haikyuu angst week #haikyuu angst week 2020 #gel scribbles

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misterbitches · 3 years

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Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

#history 4: close to you #history 4 #a thot #god my anxiety was thru the roof turns out i needed to eat

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seokjinsdisciple · 5 years

Text

Switched

jinyoung x reader

when you switch places with your twin sister to teach English in South Korea. You quickly find you’re worse at the job than you think. Luckily, kindergarten teacher Jinyoung helps you navigate the waters of teaching and help your class pass their end of the year exams.

requested, unedited

warnings: oh boy where do i even begin, sub jinyoung, baby boy and mommy used excessively (im not sorry), overstimulation (sort of), nipple play, jinyoung is just really subby and cute ok, let me know if im missing anything bc this is a mess

word count: 3.1 k

There was a certain way that your twin sister had about her that made it impossible to say no. She had used this against you her entire life, and it hadn’t stopped as you grew out of teenagers and became adults. In fact, her requests got more and more demanding. Which is how you found yourself on a 15-hour flight to South Korea.

It was a simple switch really, she had gotten pregnant and wanted you to fill in for her. She had spent about half of the year teaching English to 6th graders and couldn’t leave for half of the year. You were pretty positive that she had just told you that so she wouldn’t have to pay rent on the year-long lease she had signed, but honestly, you were kinda excited. Not about the kids, you had no idea what to do with them, but more so about living in a different country kinda thing.

The flight was long, and you spent the whole time watching movies, unable to sleep. So, admittedly you were exhausted when you stood in front of your new apartment. You made your way inside, and you had to be honest, the apartment was way nicer than your home back in the States. It was nowhere near as big, but it was filled with nicer, comfier furniture and a giant bed that you couldn’t resist.

You awoke with a start, rubbing your eyes and groaning. You had no time to waste since your first day in the classroom was supposed to be today. You hadn’t made any plans for your students, but you didn’t have enough time to make one. Scurrying around the apartment you pulled together a business casual outfit, grabbing a piece of toast from the toaster and hurrying out of the apartment with only one shoe on. The other shoe balanced delicately in your hands with a cup of coffee, and your toast.

By the time you made it into the school, You were more put together. You were still extremely nervous about meeting the students and you were praying that they would be nice to you. You weren’t too fond of kids, and, unlike your sister, you were terrible at interacting with them.

Your thoughts of the day were taking over, and as you desperately searched for your sister's classroom, you bumped into a broad chest.

“Hey, you ok y/s/n?” A handsome man asked, his sweater showing off his broad shoulders. You had no idea who this guy was, but damn your sister for failing to mention that someone so handsome existed. You smiled at him, your cheeks heating up as you stared, looking for some sort of name tag. You couldn’t find one.

“I’m ok, just kinda lost for some reason,” you laughed, “My brain hasn’t started yet, I guess.”

“Ah, well maybe I can point you in the right direction?” The man said, looking at you quizzically, you were clearly failing at convincing him you were actually your sister. If he had any questions, though, he didn’t ask them. Instead leading you down a winding hallway and into a classroom.

“Ah, it’s good to be back,” you smiled, praying that he wouldn’t be too suspicious, “Thanks for your help!”

The man just took one glance behind him, before deciding to just close the door of the classroom.

“So you’re the twin, right?”

“Uh, I don’t know what you mean…” You tried, glancing at the desk and seeing the picture of you and your sister. She could be a real idiot sometimes. The man just raised an eyebrow at you, glancing at the picture on the desk and then back at you.

“Listen, I know you aren’t y/s/n,” he stated, “she’s never this nice to me. Plus, what kind of teacher forgets where their classroom is?”

You let out a nervous chuckle at his accusation, it was only the first day and you had already been found out.

“Don’t worry,” he added, “I’m not gonna tell anyone. My name’s Jinyoung. It's nice to meet you…”

“YN,” you said, taking his outstretched hand and shaking it, “I really don’t want to get my sister in trouble, so it would be really great if you kept it a secret.”

“Like I said, I am not gonna tell anyone,” he smiled, “but you are going to need to learn everyone else's names if you are going to try and pull this off.”

That was how you found yourself studying the school’s website, trying to memorize faces and names, with Jinyoung’s tips about their respective personalities. One thing you learned was that your sister wasn’t liked here, probably another reason she hadn’t wanted to tell you who she was working with. You got to talking with Jinyoung and learned that he was a kindergarten teacher. You and Jinyoung talked through your planning period, at least that’s what he called it, and when you told him you had no clue what you were doing, he suggested putting on a movie, an English movie of course.

You stared at the list of names on your roster, Jinyoung laughing at your pathetic attempts to pronounce their names. He had to write out the pronunciation just so you could get it somewhat recognizable. As you called the students of your class up during the first period, you had them write an English name that you could call them by. It was just easier and the kids seemed to be relieved that you weren’t going to butcher their names, although you did feel kinda bad about not calling them by their names. You explained to them that you'd be spending this semester watching and dissecting movies before putting one on.

As time passed, this became your teaching method, watch a movie with the kids, and go over any questions about words that they had after the movie. You weren’t really sure if this was an effective way to teach English, but you didn’t have any better ideas. Jinyoung had become your only friend, as the rest of your school hated your sister, it just made sense. Especially because he knew about your little secret. It had become apparent that the two of you were attracted to each other. Both your students and he had started asking if the two of you were dating. You, of course, denied it, because he was just your friend. No matter how handsome he was. You shook thoughts of Jinyoung out of your head as you started to clean up the pizza party you had to help calm down the kids. You had never met kids who were as stressed out like these ones. Plus their exams were in a few days, and they needed a little break.

You let out a quiet curse word as a cough rang out from behind you.

“Any pizza left for me?” Jinyoung asked, his presence beside you sending you into the same thought process that you had been in before. You cleared your throat, reaching for a plate to hand to him.

“The leftovers are all yours,” you smiled, chuckling at his over-exaggerated hand heart that he sent your way.

“I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink tonight?” Jinyoung asked, a mouthful of pizza making his words hard to understand.

“What?” You laughed, “Chew your food first you monster.”

He just laughed with you, covering his mouth as he chewed, “Sorry, I was wondering if maybe you would want to get a drink with me tonight?”

“Ms. Y/L/N, you have to go with him!” One of your students whined, apparently he had forgotten his coat for recess. Jinyoung just grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Stay out of it,” you warned, shooing the boy back to recess. Your focused honed in, ignoring a grinning Jinyoung and busying yourself with tidying the plates and napkins.

“You should listen to him,” Jinyoung sang, heat flaming your cheeks as you looked at him.

“I’ll get drinks with you, but only if you SWEAR not to tell your kindergarteners, deal?”

At this, Jinyoung just chuckled, “It’s a deal, I’ll pick you up outside of your room at promptly at 4:30.”

It was your turn to laugh, the banter that the two of you often shared making a warm fuzz to fill your tummy. The fuzz that was normally only achieved through alcohol. You ignored the periods after lunch, your thoughts filling with Jinyoung. To be fair, most of the conversations your students were having were about you and Jinyoung too. The word of the date spreading quickly through the 6th grade, and you were assuming through the rest of the school.

Your nerves didn’t pick up until your students were dismissed. Frankly, you couldn’t stand the thought of grading worksheets when you knew what was in store for you later. You needed some time to relieve some stress, and you had a feeling that Jinyoung would help provide that for you.

Jinyoung was at the door of your classroom right when he said he would be, and his over the top bow made you chuckle as you collected your things. You weren’t sure exactly where you were going, but you knew Jinyoung would take you somewhere nice. He did.

When you walked into the Korean Barbeque restaurant, the smell of cooking meat filled your nose, and the sound of it sizzling on the grill had your heart beating faster. You hadn’t realized how hungry you are until you sat down and heard your stomach grumble.

“You should really take care of that,” Jinyoung laughed, lazily perusing the menu.

“Well then, order me some food,” you smiled, taking your hair down from the bun it was in. When you look back at Jinyoung, his eyes were darker, and if you could’ve seen his crotch, you were certain there would be a noticeable bulge.

“Excited for the food?” you asked, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“I’m thinking about dessert,” he smirked, his tongue wetting his lips.

This flirty banter continued all throughout dinner, your arousal growing by the time the both of you had finished your 3rd soju bottle.

Jinyoung’s cheeks were flushed red and you couldn’t help but smile at his drunken ramblings. When he paid for the dinner and stood up, he wobbled a little bit.

“Woah, there,” you laughed, watching his ears burn red as he steadied himself.

You walked together out of the door, his balance much better than it had been when he stood up.

“Listen, I’m not that drunk, just feeling a little fuzzy,” he said, his already red cheeks flushing even more.

“It’s ok Jinyoung, I’m feeling fuzzy too.”

You walked in silence for a moment, but you could feel Jinyoung’s eyes burning a hole into the side of your face. When you turned to look at him, he had a goofy grin on his face, and you couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“I like making you laugh,” he whispered, grabbing your hand and interlocking it with his own. His hands were cold, but they warmed you up from the inside out. His thumb rubbing gently over your hand as you walked. He had your heart beating out of your chest, and by the time you made it to your front door, his body was pressed flush against you. His arms wrapped around your waist, and you both waddled into your apartment, Jinyoung refusing to let you go. When his face landed in the crook of your neck, your stomach flipped.

“Your hair smells good,” he sighed, his soft tone making you close your eyes and rest your head on his shoulder. You stood like that for a while, peaceful silence almost causing you to fall asleep. When Jinyoung started tonguing at your neck, you couldn’t help but let out a low whine. His actions sped up, and when you were desperate enough, you pulled him along behind you to your bedroom. Your lips found his, softly pressing against each other. His hands roamed your shirt, squeezing your boobs he deepened the kiss. When you pulled away, you both threw your shirts off, his hand reaching around to undo your bra. That’s when you first noticed it.

One hand became two hands trying to remove the garment, and then with two hands came a pout. You held back a smile as you reached behind yourself and unclasped the bra in one go. His pout just deepened, and ears so red they could probably be seen from miles away.

“Jinyoung,” you whispered, placing a chaste kiss on his lips as you pushed him gently down on the bed, “are you a virgin?”

Jinyoung’s hands found your waist, and as he pulled you onto his lap, he buried his head into your chest. You ran your fingers through his hair as he gently shook his head no.

“I’m just inexperienced,” he whispered, his head refusing to come out from your chest. You continued to massage his head, a whine leaving his throat as you helped him relax. When he started to nuzzle into your boobs, you weren’t expecting him to lick your nipple, and then take it into his mouth to harden it. He repeated his actions on the other side, your breaths hitching every so often as he sucked and bit. When he finally looked up and met your eyes, you almost squealed at how cute he was. His nose and cheeks were flushed a deep red, and his eyes were watery.

“Oh, baby boy,” you whispered as his pout deepened a low whine leaving his lips at the nickname, “What’s wrong?”

“-m ard,” he mumbled, hiding into your chest again. You just cooed at him, running your hands through his hair again.

“But baby, I have barely even touched you,” you said, “Do you want me to help you?”

You just tsked when Jinyoung nodded into your chest, speaking a little louder than before, “Use your words, baby boy.”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his lip trembling at your harsh tone. You caressed his cheek to soothe him, and that's when he said, “will you- will you please touch me?”

That was it, you were done for. You normally considered yourself to be a more sub leaning switch, but boy was this subby little baby making you go crazy. You pressed your lips onto him, reaching your hand down and pressing on his bulge. Jinyoung almost didn’t let go of you as you climbed off of his lap, but one glance at him had him looking down and loosening his arms from around your waist.

When you undid the button of his pants and allowed you to pull them down his legs you praised him. His pretty cock bobbing at your words.

“Do you like being complimented baby boy?”

Jinyoung nodded again, letting out a whimper as you slapped the inside of his thigh, “Yes, I do mommy.”

If you thought you were a goner before, you didn’t know what to think now. It was clear Jinyoung was going deeper into subspace, and holy shit you didn’t know how much you liked being called mommy.

“You’re such a good little boy, Jinyoungie,” you smiled, pressing a kiss to the tip of his cock, “and you have such a pretty cock.”

His whines at your teasing only intensified as you complimented him, “Look how big it is, baby,” you smirked, wrapping a hand around his cock and tugging once,” but you don’t even know what to do with a cock like this, do you baby?”

“N-, no mommy,” he hiccupped as you sank your mouth all the way down his length.

“It’s ok, love,” you smiled up at him, “Mommy will take care of you.”

His sniffles were just so cute, you couldn’t stand to tease him anymore. You slipped your skirt off, placing both of your hands on Jinyoung’s cheeks.

“Are you sure about this?” you asked, running your thumbs gently over his cheeks as he nodded, “Words, Jinyoung.”

“Yeah, god yeah, please,” he whined, gulping as you straddled him, sinking down until you had all of his length inside of you.

“You tell me if you wanna stop, ok baby?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung whined, letting out a broken moan as you began to ride him. His fingers gripped your hips, pretty moan after pretty moan leaving his mouth as you chased your high. You were worked up, he had worked you up. He was just so good, and once you set eyes on his cock you knew you wanted to feel him in you. Now, you could maneuver yourself so that he was hitting you in all of the right places. And your sweet little love was so so close, you could tell. His hips were almost running from you, sinking as far as he could into the bed to try to take some of the pleasure away. His moans gave him away as he clung to you.

“Mo-mommy, need to, need to come,” he whimpered, tears pricking his eyes at your silence. You kissed his nose and picked up your pace.

“You can come, little love,” you moaned, your heat clenching around him. He muttered a string of thank-yous, as you felt his cock twitching inside of you. You just kissed him, not wanting to hear his overstimulated moans as you kept riding him. But his mouth broke away, scrunched face as he moaned.

“M, mommy,” he whined, face still red and scrunched. You tried to calm him, slowing your hips to try to relieve some of the overstimulation, but that's when you felt it. His cock twitching in you again. You let out a groan and came with him. Your eyes rolling back into your head as you clenched around him. You relaxed around him, your hands finding his cheeks as you took a deep breath. You quickly looked up when you felt the wetness on his cheeks.

“What’s wrong love?”

“I was bad,” he sniffed, “Youngie came without permission.”

“You weren’t bad baby,” You smiled, pressing several kisses all over his face until he laughed, “you were the best boy.”

You let him pull you down across the bed, snuggling into your side and nuzzling into your neck. You fell asleep, and so did he soon after, both of you worn out.

You and Jinyoung spent the entire weekend together, laughing, making out and growing his experience. When you arrived at school on Monday, you were glowing. Your kids begged you to tell them if you went on that date, but you refused. At least until it was time for them to start their exam. In fact, you promised to tell them what happened (minus some details of course) if, and only if, they passed their exams.

Not a single person in your class failed.

#jinyoung x reader #jinyoung smut #jinyoung fluff #jinyoung scenarios #jinyoung angst #sub jinyoung #got7 smut #got7 scenarios #sub got7 #got7 fanfic #got7 fluff #got7 angst #got7 #jinyoung

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lipstickbisous · 4 years

Text

the rei brown series (2/3)

OUR LOVE REMAINS.

notes: here’s the second part!! one more after this haha. not much of a plot to these just meant to put you in your feels. butttttt, i did write this from the experience my mom had in the icu when she was a nurse.

this one is your p.o.v. and is a little bit longer but not much

i DID NOT KNOW if anyone would get offended by “latino” or “hispanic” so i used both im sorry.

LISTEN for better understanding.

also u guys REALLY LIKED the din fic so i guess...more of those?

pairing: javier peña x reader

summary: while rethinking all of the choices you’ve made in your life, memories of a certain person begin to flood in.

warnings: MORE ANGST ahahaha, childhood nostalgia, fluff ending

word count: 3.3k (these are not long chapters)

masterlist

you weren’t sure what time it was (you knew it wasn’t too late) and you hadn’t bothered to check as you stumbled through your doorway, one arm holding grocery bags and the other, your purse and papers from work. your hair had been stuck in the ponytail you threw it up in since the morning, but now, it was pulling at your scalp and giving you a headache.

managing to balance on one foot, you flipped the light switch in your entryway and watched as the first floor of your house illuminated in the night. the tiny dog you’d adopted a few months ago came padding out on the wood floors from the dining room, his tongue stuck out with loud pants to relieve himself of the texas summer heat.

with a small “hey, bub,” to your pet, you placed the groceries on the kitchen counter and slipped off your clogs, throwing them at the bottom of your stairs so that you could be reminded to take them to your room when you went upstairs. for now, you reached into the glass cabinet and grasped a dark bottle of wine. the label read a fancy word in french, but growing up in kingsville, you’d never bothered to learn the language of love. you grew up in that rich latino and hispanic culture.

this house had memories threatening to let it crumble, you knew that, but even after your parents had moved into a smaller apartment due to medical reasons and the fact that they couldn’t afford the house, you couldn’t bring yourself to move out of this town and just ditch them there--now the house was in your name. you didn’t know why it was so hard to leave--you’d been able to leave for university, but when you came back the summer after you’d graduated, something stuck. now, it had been twenty years and you had made no attempts to even leave kingsville.

you popped the cork of the wine bottle open and instantly met that musky historic smell of the red alcohol. you had seven wine glasses in your cupboards, but you never had any friends over. you might occasionally invite a few girls you knew in high school, but if you were to hang out with people, it would be at a bar on friday and saturday nights. you watched as the wine splashed around the glass and when it was filled to your satisfaction, you pushed the cork back into its place and left the bottle on the counter.

as you made your way into the living room and collapsed on the couch, the little dog you called yours jumped up onto the high furniture the best he could due to his tiny legs. you searched your couch for the remote, pulling over the cushions and pillows before finding it buried under the arm. you switched the tv on and and flipped through the channels before settling on fifty-one. your dog curled up next to your lap and closed his eyes to sleep.

you didn’t for what you were sure was the next two hours. the movie that had been playing before ended the beginning of a new one had started until you realized your glass was empty and dry and your eyelids were getting heavier. you leaned your head back before rethinking how the day had gone. you’d shown up to the hospital for work at the crack of dawn and spent the next twelve hours wheeling around patients, taking diagnostics, and carrying their dirty dishes.

it definitely had not been the job you imagined when you were ten. you’d played doctor with your stuffed animals and plushes before but in those scenarios, the patients had been obedient in kind. unfortunately, fate had not been so kind and, while sitting in front of the television with an empty wine glass in your hand, your fingers grazing over the sore spot on your wrist. it was sure to be bruised, the one on your calf had turned purple and yellow in the past few days. you hissed when you applied just a bit too much pressure.

i spent four years at a college i hated to have this. you’d put it all on the line to have this job. you thought that by being a nurse in the fucking icu, you’d be saving people everyday. instead, you were groped, spat out, and ignored by everyone there. you deserved a glass of wine every night.

you knew that this was not healthy at all and that you were intoxicating yourself with far too much alcohol but the way your back ached, your calf bruised, and your head pounded drowned out whatever warnings your brain sent you.

suddenly, you managed to catch sight of the atomic clock sitting on your kitchen counter. bright crimson letters read “1:30 am.”, and with a far too heavy sigh that awoke the small dog next to you, you set the glass on your coffee table (you’d grab it in the morning when you weren’t so sad) and flipped the tv off before sauntering up the stairs. even at your age, you had still been terrified of the dark--you could barely walk down to your basement without a flashlight and by yourself--but you found that you were perfectly fine walking in the pitch-black of your upstairs hallway. your dog was quick to follow behind you, jumping onto your bed and waiting for you as you emotionlessly entered your bathroom and looked at your reflection.

who the fuck were you? how much time had passed and yet here you were, in your fucking childhood home all alone? you’d found love with many men over the years, but you hadn’t expected them to last--and they hadn’t. what had you done? had you left some sort of imprint in the world at all? you were never one for kids, everyone you knew was well aware of that, but how were you supposed to live on even when you were dead? in reality, abandonment and loneliness was your worst fear along with--

oh god, you thought in a shriveled voice. you’re gonna be forgotten.

one part that hurt the most was the news. you’d gotten better at keeping up to date with pop culture and politics, and the pablo escobar situation had you worried for one reason and one reason only--javier peña. you’d seen him on the news, the DEA agent who had made it his responsibility and top priority to catch the famous drug lord. it was nice to see that he had gotten somewhere while the only time you’d ever really traveled was to paris for a christmas and then LA to see an old friend who you didn’t even talk to anymore.

this was your life now. mindlessly wandering around your house after work, eating microwaved leftovers and carry-out from the diner.

god, that diner. it had been one of your favorite locations in the shitty town you called home--had been. the first time you went, you were suspicious due to the fact that the actual building was a different restaurant owned by a criminal before it was a diner, but javier had practically begged you to have a late dinner with him after an afternoon spent skipping your last few periods and driving around the outskirts of town in his truck. the wind had been blowing through your hair and you hung your head out of his window, letting your arms wave around, and you could’ve sworn you had felt him looking at you.

that was the moment you were in love with javier peña.

you knew that you had been lying to yourself up until that moment because since the first day you met javier when driving past their ranch and stopping to look at the horses, you’d been in love. you couldn’t even think about how many days were spent writing poetry about him that now seemed stupid and childish. you’d told yourself it was an outlet for your feelings, but you had really written it because you were too much of a bitch to come out and tell javi. maybe that hadn’t been your fault--you’d witnessed, first hand, javier rejecting a girl in sixth grade. you watched her nod and tell him “oh, that’s okay” but then run away into the bathrooms. javier had continued on to tell you about a new foal on their farm.

you remembered the horses. you missed them too. if it hadn’t been them roaming about in the pastures, or the great stallion that caught your attention while on that family car ride, you would’ve never met javier. you weren’t sure if he judged you for it or not, but every time chucho needed help around the farm, and javier was too much of a brat and a teenager to do it, you had gladly offered. so, chucho peña had put you in charge of the foals. there was one in particular, a small one with a white coat, that had piqued your interest. there was a day, one in the middle of the summer if you could remember correctly, where you and javi had just run out to the fields while the rest of the horses stayed in their stables. javi had been excited since his father had gifted him with a new camera, and he had spent all day taking pictures of--and to this day, you still didn’t notice it--only you.

while brushing your teeth, carefully placing a small dot of paste on your toothbrush, you began to scrub in small circles. how long had it been since you and javi had last talked? even then, it had barely been a conversation. a simple exchanged of very few words, a goodbye that went misheard, and that was it. when you had called his home phone the next morning, instead of javi replying like he always did, it had been chucho’s voice instead, muffling an annoyed “hello?” but when he heard the exhaustion and lightness of your voice, he carefully explained that javi had already left.

you hadn’t felt heartbroken--not at first. in fact, there was barely any sadness in that tired head and upset stomach. you were infuriated. how could he? how dare he? he had been such a coward that he couldn’t even say goodbye and it angered you more than you thought it ever would--not that you had ever thought about javier leaving before because he said he wouldn’t even consider it. and now, he had left you alone your fucked up hometown that you’d always told him you hated so much. then, about three days alone without javier (which was something you weren’t used to) you’d realized that there was a large possibility this could’ve been your fault.

had you been a bad friend recent to his leaving? yes, you had been acting distant, but it was due to normal events, such as school and...the fact that you were hopelessly in love with him. it had been harder to talk with senior year ending and college coming up, but you hadn’t never thought he could just turn himself away like that. never.

and not once had javi tried to contact you. he, of course, knew your number by heart, but after all these years, he’d probably had hundreds of girls phone numbers--in fact, you were sure that if hadn’t been a DEA agent hooked with the most dangerous man on the earth, you would’ve expected him to be married already. you had gone to the wedding. you’d seen how the church was decorated, how each and every guest wore plastered smiles--just the idea of seeing javi made you giddy and you’d worn your best dress you could find. even after returning from university, javier didn’t visit or call. you also remembered hearing lorraine sobbing when her groom didn’t show.

javier was not the type of person to stand someone up. you didn’t know what he was like now, but as teenagers, if he ever had a date (which wasn’t often because even if you didn’t know it, he was hopelessly in love with you) he would arrive five minutes early.

the one time javi did have a date, you stayed home and watched one of his favorite movies while crying. you hated to admit that the next day, when he admitted to you he didn’t like the girl that much, you were excited.

suddenly, you remembered how this was completely your fault. you had always blamed javier for never calling or writing, but then you realized that you had never made the attempt either.

“fuckin’ hell,” you whispered and washed off your toothbrush. as a nurse, you didn’t normally cake yourself with makeup, but you did wear the average concealer, mascara, and lipstick or gloss. you took one look at your reflection and noticed that your mascara was currently running. when did i cry? you asked yourself and exited the bathroom, not bothering to remove your makeup.

your room was next door and when you walked inside, your dog was patiently waiting next to your nightstand and- god, did i leave the fucking light on again? you felt like slapping yourself until your head was straight because it wasn’t right to think about someone you haven’t seen in twenty years.

you slipped off your pants, leaving you in expensive panties you’d gotten for no reason at all. you threw off your scrubs, discarding them onto the floor with a light air sound and replacing your shirt with a tank-top. your bed had been so perfectly made that it almost annoyed you. you threw yourself onto your bed and began to rub your eyes. it wouldn’t matter if you messed up the mascara because there was nothing to mess up.

hoping the sleep would rid you of the horrible thoughts, you flipped the lamp next to your bed off and pressed a pillow to your cheek. the small dog at your feet curled up rested his eyes. you did the same.

it would’ve been physically best for your health if you had gone at least six hours of sleeping without any interruption, but one moment in the night, the phone on your nightstand began to blare its ringtone. your eyes shot open and began to burn slightly from a sudden awakening. the sound had scared your dog, who jumped to the ground in protection of whatever the source was until he realized it was the telephone. you groaned with heavy eyelids and looked to the clock. two-twenty five am. as soon as you went to answer the call, it went to dial tone.

more frustrated than before because you really just wanted to sleep, you groaned and flung yourself back into bed. of course, now you were awake.

but then, the phone began to ring again. it had seemed louder this time and your dog barked in the most un-intimidating way possible before you threw a pillow at the spot next to him to get him quiet. you held the phone close to your ear and spoke a tired, “hello?” the line was silent and at first, you were terrified because you could’ve sworn you heard someone breathing. another one of these. “hello?”

part of this was exciting to you. while it was extremely frustrating to be awoken a few hours before you normally rose to get ready for work, your mind was racing during the silent pause between you and this stranger. who could it be? perhaps it was chucho telling you that javier could be coming home, but you cursed yourself for thinking of that man and dismissed the idea. maybe it was your mom calling to tell you how your father had gotten better and, for now at least, the cancer was gone.

“(y/n)?”

―

while the reason behind it remained unclear, you had always loved airports. the cleaning-product smell, the diverse people, the small restaurants, even the feeling of the carpet--or the feeling of that when in an airport, you were going somewhere.

it had always been about going somewhere. javier knew this since fifth grade, that you had always wanted to just leave kingsville, texas. maybe you would move to new york, or philadelphia, or even go to london and paris. they had been silly daydreams due to reading too many of your mother’s travel books, but paris had always looked so nice. maybe even visit mexico--you’d already been well immersed in the culture.

but that wasn’t why you were here. you were here for something that was long overdue.

after the phone call that night, you javier had made sure to call each other every other day at ten o’clock pm. there had been some days where you had to stay late at the hospital or javi was chasing sicarios and didn’t get home until midnight--those nights, you would either fall asleep or just call the next day, but you both had made a good schedule. it definitely hadn’t been the same as when you were teenagers, and you didn’t expect it to be. his voice was much deeper and raspier (you knew it was because of the cigarettes, you could practically smell them through the phone) and his voice wasn’t as...lively anymore. you felt that you couldn’t say much, though, because the years had been rough to you as well.

he had told you everything. your thoughts on how he was living was wrong--he told you of the countless informants and prostitutes, how the colombian sun was definitely hotter than the texan sun and even to him it had made a difference. when you both had too much to drink and were passing back funny stories, his was that he had grown a mustache. you had laughed at that one because if you could imagine the clean-shaved, teenage boy that javier once was with a mustache, it was a hilarious thought.

all-in-all, it had still been painful to talk to someone you knew so well like they were a stranger. at first, you had asked yourself if he’d changed but you caught yourself in the stupid thought. of course, he had changed. it had been twenty fucking years and even you had noticed the faint lines starting to appear around your face.

it had taken almost half a year of phone calls, missed and attended, happy and sad to be where you were now.

the airport bustling had also been one of your favorite things too. the countless and various voices all coming together to make a white noise that was so distinct.

you were standing near the entrance, watching as families reunited, lovers embraced, and yet you stood alone. it had been over ten minutes since when javier was supposed to show. if you were being honest with yourself, what did you expect? he would just appear out of thin air in the middle of a crowd? you hoped the flight from bogotá had been peaceful and well. there hadn’t been any storms passing by, baggage loading problems, or anything that could possibly delay the plane, so there was no reason for javier not to be there.

unless...you began to think and it had been too late to stop yourself from completing the thought. maybe he just didn’t want to.

like when he rejected that girl in sixth grade. like when he left you alone in kingsville. like when abandoned his bride at their own fucking wedding.

suddenly, you felt angry. your blood was boiling, your hands felt hot, the hair on your neck became irritating, and the winter heat of texas began to scorch, even in air conditioning. you ran a hand down your face, feeling two beads of sweat trickle down a path to your chin. your foot, which had been tapping for the past now fifteen minutes turned on its heel as you made your way to the glass doors.

your car was just outside. you wouldn’t even have to walk that far, and then you could drive home, cry yourself to sleep, and call javier about this some other time.

“(y/n)!”

tags: @pascalisthepunkest @javierpenaspinkshirt @gummiishark @cyarikaaa @larakasser @pedropasscals @honeyedspace @talesfromtheguild @absurdthirst

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sweet-xoxo-thatcares · 3 years

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Went to bed at 12:40am after helping grandma get readjusted in the bed, and helping dad function the oxygen tank because the oxygen machine kept going out and beeping on error. I think grandma got anxious from seeing her family members come from grand rapids to visit. I know she missed them.

But man did I get tired.

I had to set an alarm for 3:45am because that's when grandma has to go potty, and I knew mom and dad needed the rest after cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and hosting for her guests.

I kept nodding off to twilight as I waited in the room for grandma to tell me when, so I could help her get up off the bed and onto potty. That wasn't until like 5am.

Glad I could get some sleep in between waiting.

I stayed in there with till 8:30, when she asked for some oatmeal to eat. I think she's having hunger pains, but can't really eat the stuff down as much. We puree mostly everything in the food processor for her. She only ate like a couple spoonfuls. She said her right side started hurting from not eating as much, but we can't make her eat, but there also seems to be a lack of appetite in grandma's mind. I think she's been feeling very tired too, especially after the family visit last night.

This is the first time I heard her fuss today. I cleaned the bucket after she threw up in it and said "Don't use so much Lysol to clean with. I can smell it." I didn't take it personally because I didn't use lysol to clean the bucket, I used Fabuloso and alcohol because we didn't have much cleaner in the bathroom I cleaned it in. Daddy reminded her that I was just trying to clean the bucket out.

She said "I know, just don't use so much."

This was right before she said she feels like she needs some more oxygen, so maybe her not breathing as well and smelling that cleaner made her nose upset.

I've dealt with Grandma and her complaints before, so I'm pretty sure I'm not expecting a happy camper about all this. Im just so glad its not just me to take care of her. So we'll all be making a team effort to help her as she goes along. The social worker, the nurse, and a chaplin is supposed to come from Hospice in the next couple of days. So we'll see how it goes. Its not like the disney movies where the person is happy and being nice to everybody and then suddenly passes.

I think this will be a gradual, slow, but hopefully peaceful passing for her. I know I'm stressed out, but I feel like how I used to be at work. Hopefully we don't get into any arguments and just let her talk if she starts commenting on us not doing something right or if she starts forgetting stuff and then she says that one liner "you calling me a liar?" cause I know what that means when she says that line.

I pray she doesn't go flip mode and the kids don't have to deal with seeing any blood. I'd rather have me and my parents handle that, because we can handle that maturely without feeling that grossed out feeling and wait to hold our comments until after the tasks are finished.

My baby sister, I would be worried to find out she or one of the others were to find her.....like that in the morning.

Because we don't know the timeline and we're not at a hospital. This is real life. Grandma actually came all the way here with my parents to Flint, to come live with us until she passed. And its still just shocking to me. We're putting in our best effort together so this woman we've known for years can have a peaceful going, under the roof and care of her loved ones. We love her and we do care about her. I'm just not gonna expect this to be easy, keep my head up, stay positive, and try to keep my emotions out of it like I do at work. Keeping my emotions off, helps the day seem fast and the work gets done quicker and more efficiently. We're gonna work hard for Grandma and I hope my little sisters can cooperate and not be as selfish and sometimes unhelpful like usual. We have to share our time more and that means less sleep, but I'm glad we're not alone.

I'm glad its not just me, stuck at her house in Grand Rapids again like it was the 1st time and 2nd time I had to help her out at the house.

The 2nd time was the worse, because she was sick, assuming it was maybe covid or a virus, the flu or something else like a cold because of the mucus. And she hadn't been to the hospital in years. The insurance company sent a doctor to check up on her in March and when he just touched that one oldddd surgery spot that she had been talking about for years....it was near the liver and the pancreas. And thats where they said the cancer was, this whole entire time.

I wonder how or when did it start growing? And how long had she known she was gonna die? Even when I stayed with her this year she would say "Just in case something happens to me" or "I'm rotting away." and the pads she would wear in her underwear because she said something kept leaking every so often and she been stopped getting periods because they took her uterus out decades ago.

It's like crazy and mind bottling, because I wanna know why, when, where, and how. I want answers. I want somebody to be able to tell me this is what caused it and am I at risk for something similar either just naturally or just from getting surgeries from doctors who didn't listen to her or tell her what was truly going on...its like nobody knew, but her and God. And she felt everything in her body. Everything. She knew which types of food would hurt her stomach or not, which natural vitamins to help with her pain every so often. I can't even deny that this entire time she's been telling me these stories, moments, and memories all over and over again for one reason and one reason only. So not only she could remember, but also for us to know why she's been feeling in pain for so many years.

She's been duct taping her body like a car for so many years with vitamins for this and hard lemonades to help her get through each day, but she never not once wanted to go to the doctors, the people that she didn't trust for years and held a grudge over it, she knew exactly what injuries and everything that led up to her feeling the stings in her feet, her big toe, her back, her stomach, her side, her lungs, and her chest. She had everything covered like a math equation.

And she's very frugal, did not want no expensive medical bills cause she already felt like a burden to us, even when she came into the house and she saw how much storage stuff we had to clear out of that blue room, she told Daddy she didn't wanna be a burden.

But we gotta take care of you Grandma. Cause we love you and your son, your daughter in law, and your grand babies are gonna help carry you on your way. I don't care if you want ice cream in the middle of the night, I will go get it. I know momma and daddy don't want me to overwork myself, but why do I feel that thing where the mother can't stay away from its child? I don't wanna miss her going, and not have said goodbye and I love you. Thats it, just final words.

Cause that's how you do closure, I wanna know were you in peace when it happened and could I have done anything to help you feel better towards the end. Cause I know what it feels like to not have closure from somebody, I had to do it all by myself and I still feel ungrateful and absent about it. Because nobody talked to me, they just left me hanging.

And I'd be damn if I missed my Grandma before she passed. Her birthday is August 22nd. I know its unlikely to ask for, but can I see her on Christmas? At least? After everything we've went through, her chewing my food up for me when I was little. All the stories she remembered about me eating peaches, chicken, and spaghetti. And how she cooked it with corn flakes so it had the crispiest crunch. And how much I used to ask her to replay Barney when dad would drop me, she said I'd say "Again, Again!" and whoever was there said something about it...

Why do I feel like because we've been so busy helping and working, now is not the time to mourn?

She's still here, but I can still hear her singing our jazzy bathtub song.

"Singing in the bath tubbb,

A doobee-doobee doo

Singing in the bath tubbb

A doobee-doobee doo"

I still remember the note and everything and me giggling and smiling, laughing and singing with her.

Grandma used to sing and listen to music all the time. She showed me a few more songs before we got into it about the hamster.

Honestly, I'm not even mad about all that anymore, I just want her feeling at home and happy with us.

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iridescentides · 4 years

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hello again dia!!! i hope you've been having a good weekend 💙 i know that you love austin & ally and i wanted to know what are some of your favorite episodes/moments/characters? i've never watched the show myself so maybe your love for it will rub of and finally convince me 😋 - gcwca secret santa 🎅🎁🎄

AHHHHHH HI thank you for asking! this show is literally so special to me.

i accidentally wrote a very long response so its under the cut:

i wanna start off by saying that the characters are why i love it the most. austin and ally is my number one comfort show, and specifically dez, trish, and austin are my comfort characters. not saying that i dont like ally; shes nice and obviously very essential to the loving group dynamic but the other three are so fun and wacky and interesting and just some of my favorite characters of all time.

i think at the heart of it my favorite thing about the show is the love. its all good vibes and none of the emergencies are really that deep, and the main four just care about each other so much and show it in so many ways!!! i love their whole friend group dynamic bc when one of them has a problem, they all work together to solve it. and each dyad has their own little relationship thats special in its own way. they hang out at the mall 24/7 (which is a DREAM scenario bc the mall is my favorite place to be) and just have adventures together and learn about each other.

my absolute favorite episode is s03e19, beauties and bullies, bc its all about trish. there are a few trish-centric episodes in the show, and everyone gets their spotlight at one point or another, but this is one of the only episodes that allows her to be open with her emotions. shes the toughest one in the group, always loud and brave and explosive, but in this episode she is the one that needs help, support, and comfort. i love the consistency in her characterization in this episode bc she is so reluctant to be on the receiving end of this support, and she even convinces her friends shes fine at first. and even though its not a role they typically play for her bc shes so good at defending herself, the group quickly springs into action to protect her, to care for her, to help her through it bc they know that thats their job as her closest friends. it literally makes me cry every time. plus i love that its ultimately dez who figures out who the bully is bc even though hes generally seen as dumb and imperceptive, it shows that he seriously cares about trish and is able to pick up on details when it comes to helping her, or any of his friends for that matter.

my favorite season is s4 bc of the tangible growth and change we see in everyone, but especially austin. season 4 really just shows how much they have all impacted each other, and how no matter what happens, they will always be in each others lives. in this season we see them take on a more serious and practical goal together, opening up their own music school. each of them takes on a role that plays to their strengths, and i absolutely love the teamwork. one of the overarching themes of the season is role modeling, and it makes me extremely emotional to see each of them channel their passion into helping kids pursue similar goals. the season is great in so many ways.

but season 4 austin moon is by far the best austin moon. at the beginning of the show he was a goofy kid who dreamed about being famous and pursued the goal very selfishly, even stealing allys song in the first episode and becoming an overnight internet sensation off of it. he was always loving, enthusiastic, sweet, and charming, but throughout the series we see him learn how to be a friend and how to care for other people. in the beginning, being a star is all that matters to him, and we watch ally very patiently, but skillfully, set an example for him of respecting other peoples time, effort, and attention. my favorite thing about austin is that he always has the best intentions at heart, and when he messes something up, he puts in genuine care to fix it in a meaningful way. lots of tv protagonists cause problems and then “fix” them halfheartedly and we just forgive them bc we have to and we move on with the show. but austin consistently learns and grows and keeps doing better for the people he cares about most, he comes through for them at the most unexpected times, and he picks them up when theyre down. even as he gets more famous and successful, his friends continue to come first. (i dont want to spoil too much plot wise, but) at the beginning of season 4 austin is unable to perform publicly, and it really hurts and breaks him bc performing is his favorite thing to do; his dream has always been to be a pop star. so when the music school opens in s4 we see him actively, selflessly, channel all of his passion for the thing he loves most, and give it to kids in a meaningful and special way. he has grown from a well-intentioned but self-absorbed teenager into a very caring and kind young adult who makes a difference in the lives of other people. he struggles with his identity and defining himself without his dream, but quickly gets to work making an active positive impact on those around him.

my all time favorite moment of the show, even though its super small, is dez’s solo in the song at the end of s03e06, glee clubs and glory. dez is the most routinely overlooked member of the group bc hes so goofy and quirky. he says a million things that dont make any sense, and he is definitely the comic relief character. however, the reason i love him (and why im like 80% sure hes my actual favorite of the four of them, even though its so hard for me to decide officially) is because despite all the little jokes and jabs at his expense, despite the goofiness that keeps others from taking him seriously, despite being knocked down so many times, he never stops dreaming. he literally never gives up. he has so much passion and enthusiasm inside of him, and he is overflowing with love and affection for his friends. he loves making videos but also pursues a billion different little hobbies. he has sooo many hidden talents, and thats something i was pointing out to my gf when i first showed her the show; dez is so incredibly capable and skilled, but so humble about it. he does things not for an end goal, but for the joy of participating, and when he doesnt get all the spotlight or attention, thats okay with him bc he had such a good time anyway. so in this episode, glee clubs and glory, after being passed up for the glee club over and over again, then letting his enthusiasm get the best of him as captain, and then being dethroned at the end of it all, he is still so happy to get his little moment in the end because hes truly a team player. its nice to see him shine. heres a link to the performance and the part im talking about is at 1:30.

OKAY i am gonna stop there bc theres a million little things that i love about the show but i already wrote you an essay. i guess the last thing i wanna say is that every single austin moon song fucking slaps. my favorite is probably the main title theme song (can’t do it without you) bc not only is it the ultimate BOP but they also reference it periodically throughout the show to acknowledge that they are all successful because of each other, and the friendship as a whole makes each of them stronger than they are individually. my other faves from the show are a billion hits, steal your heart, stuck on you, and chasin’ the beat of my heart.

(okay i lied i have ONE more final closing thought! i dont really love the romantic pairing of austin/ally, i like them better platonically. not saying that they make a bad couple by any means. but i just hate the trope that the main girl/boy HAVE to get together so as a concept it bugs me. but i lowkey ship trish/dez a little bit.)

TLDR; the characters are literally all my favorite for different reasons, and the best thing about the show to me is their group dynamic and the ways that they consistently show love and care for each other.

#i am truly sorry that this is so long but i love this show so much #this took me super long to type too bc i cried a couple times and also definitely went back and watched almost all of the glee club ep agai #WHO AM I #also i lowkey dont fuck with most disney channel songs like #theyre just not usually my shit #and austin and ally and let it shine are the ONLY soundtracks i listen to recreationally #anyway thank you for asking #i hope this was helpful info #and even if it wasnt well. i had a good time at least #youre doing great as a secret santa and i appreciate you so much #answered asks #gcwca secret santa #austin and ally #anons #Anonymous

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kangtaebins · 3 years

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Weird Asks That Say A Lot

I said I was going to just answer all of these bc of boredom,, and so here I am

1. Coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? Teacups are aesthetically pleasing idc what anyone says

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops? Lollipops

3. Bubblegum or cotton candy? Cotton candy supremacy

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? I was told that I was a leader a lot, and was told that I was very intelligent. Ah yes, I suffered from gifted kid burn out in high school-

5. Do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? Look, plastic cups are the best. Specifically the ones with the lids and reusable straws

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? It truly depends on the day bc some days I would say goth and other days I’d say grunge, but most days- pastel

7. Earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

8. Movies or TV shows? TV shows bc- idk actually I’m just not a movie person

9. Favorite smell in the summer? I have a weird obsession with the smell of cheap sunscreen and I have no clue why

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? I hated gym in high school and rarely participated despite the teacher being irritated with me (truly she gave up after a few months bc I really did not care at all) HOWEVER- I went to town in volleyball and still enjoy playing volleyball v much

11. What do you have for breakfast on an average day? I don’t eat breakfast often,,,

12. Name of your favorite playlist? Probably my Navy or Indigo playlist

13. Lanyard or key ring? Key ring

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Anything green apple!!!

15. Favorite book you read as a school assignment? I actually genuinely enjoyed Romeo And Juliet tbh

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? I always curl up in a ball on the couch, but in a chair I manspread ngl

17. Most frequently worn pair of shoes? Nike slides <//3

18. Ideal weather? Between 50-70 degrees, sunny but not warm, being able to wear a hoodie and not be hot or cold

19. Sleeping position? I usually either sleep on my left side or on my stomach (my back once in a while when it’s hurting bc I’m a hag)

20. Preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? I write on my phone more than anything

21. Obsession from childhood? Hm- I was really obsessed with High School Musical as a kid. My friend and I would put it on and lip sync to the songs and pretend we were the characters

22. Role model? Is it- wrong to say myself? Bc I feel like that sounds arrogant but genuinely it’s bc I’m constantly trying to better myself mentally and learn and grow. Idk I just am proud of who I am and look to myself when I need to find motivation

23. Strange habits? Strange? Idk if it’s strange but I’m constantly twiddling with the hem of my sleeves bc I love the feeling of it

24. Favorite crystal? Citrine

25. First song you remember hearing? WH- bitch idk tf

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Stay tf inside in the air conditioning

27. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? Stay tf inside in the heat

28. Five songs to describe you? To describe me?? Girl idk I'm all over the place. How about songs that resonate with me instead,,, Alive by Khalid, Paranoid by Lauv, Phobia by Dvwn, Fake Smile by Ariana Grande, and Breathin by Ariana Grande

29. Best way to bond with you? Truly I'm not very difficult to get along with, just don't be an asshole. Talk to me about psychology, current events, say Soobin is the cutest to exist idk it's not that hard

30. Places that you find sacred? I- hm. I'm not like a church person or anything so idk. Maybe just anything really old or places with very detailed and unique architecture

31. What outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? I don't own many clothes,,, let alone nice clothes. I also don't really dress to impress I'd much rather be comfortable

32. Top five favorite vines? Oh god if I h a d to pick???? The lipstick in the Valentino bag, they were roommates, it's an avocado- thaaanks, jared 19, and uh,,, zach stooppp you're gonna get in trouble

33. Most used phrase in your phone? Tbh it's probably "girl what-" or "no bc"

34. Advertisements you have stuck in your head? That 877-CASH-NOW ONE JFC

35. Average time you fall asleep? Between 11pm-1am

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? Probably the troll face one or smth

37. Suitcase or duffel bag? Suitcase

38. Lemonade or tea? I mix them together!

39. Lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? Lemon meringue pie bc I don't really like cake

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? Y'all I- went to a hs/college mixed school,, I've seen it all. Weirdest?? Idk but one weird thing I remember was when we were making whistles in art and some dude made a penis whistle 😭

41. Last person you texted? My best friend :))

42. Jacket pockets or pants pockets? Jacket pockets

43. Hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? Hoodie 100%

44. Favorite scent for soap? I love soaps that smell like soap. Like ok duh I know that sounds dumb but yk what I mean? I don't want lemon or mint or whatever, I like the plain soap smell

45. Which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? Fantasy

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? Oversized t-shirt, no pants. I question anyone that is comfortable sleeping with pants on-

47. Favorite type of cheese? Feta!

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? I feel like I'd be a pineapple and I have no clue why

49. What saying or quote do you live by? Not necessarily a quote but more of a thought: live for yourself, enjoy each day, do what gives you joy

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? I have had so many instances in which I have laughed so hard I peed and to even attempt to name one is impossible

51. Current stresses? Making sure my family gets their vaccines and stays safe

52. Favorite font? I don't think I have one? Anything except comic sans

53. What is the current state of your hands? What does this even mean 💀 I mean,, they're holding my phone, cold, and my nails are unpolished

54. What did you learn from your first job? That people are assholes but I'm capable of not giving a fuck bc life is not that damn serious

55. Favorite fairy tale? Is The Three Little Pigs considered a fairy tale?

56. Favorite tradition? Putting up the Christmas tree with my mom :( it's always a lot of fun

57. The three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? Depression, grief, and hopefully one day- smth I'm currently dealing with

58. Four talents you’re proud of having? Makeup!! But also: singing, crying on command, and tying cherry stems with my tongue

59. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? Sick of these bitches

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? I don't watch anime so idk

61. Favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? It's this line from Eleanor & Park: "Eleanor was right: She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something."

62. Seven characters you relate to? Holy hell, 7?? Probably won't get that many but hm,,, Darlene from Roseanne, Hermione from Harry Potter, Emily from Pretty Little Liars maybe?? Idk I suddenly blanked

63. Five songs that would play in your club? As if it's Your Last by BP, anything from SHINee, anything from Ariana, also anything Rihanna, just a bunch of women tbh

64. Favorite website from your childhood? FUCKING WEBKINZ BRO

65. Any permanent scars? I have a few on my arms idk where they came from tbh, I also have one on my hand from my sister 🧍🏻‍♀

66. Favorite flower(s)? Sunflowers!!! I also really love lilacs 💔

67. Good luck charms? My dog's collar that I wear as a bracelet

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? Licorice-

69. A fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? It takes repeating a piece of information 12 times at random to memorize it completely

70. Left or right handed? Right

71. Least favorite pattern? Fucking chevron- and realistic camo, and anything with the American flag

72. Worst subject? Yall im awful at history. American history, world history, all of it-

73. Favorite weird flavor combo? Either pickles and peanut butter or cheese and grapes

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? I'm stubborn but also always in pain so I've become numb to a lot of body pains. I have to be at like a 7-8 before I take smth otherwise I'd always be taking it

75. When did you lose your first tooth? I was probably like 5 I was definitely in Kindergarten

76. What’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? I fw baked potatoes

77. Best plant to grow on a windowsill? I have a love for succulents

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? Oh my- I don't drink coffee but coffee from a gas station

79. Which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? Driver's license for sure

80. Earth tones or jewel tones? Jewel tones

81. Fireflies or lightning bugs? I say both,, but I think I say lightning bugs more

82. PC or console? PC

83. Writing or drawing? Both

84. Podcasts or talk radio? Podcasts definitely

84. Barbie or polly pocket? Barbie

85. Fairy tales or mythology? Fairy tales

86. Cookies or cupcakes? C o o k i e s

87. Your greatest fear? Losing people I love

88. Your greatest wish? To live comfortably and be a great mother

89. Who would you put before everyone else? My family

90. Luckiest mistake? Guessing on 90% of a test and getting an A 💀

91. Boxes or bags? Bags are easier to carry-

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? Fairy lights!!

93. Nicknames? Sam, Sammi, my sister calls me Sams, my best friend calls me Bub, and my gf calls me Baby if that counts- 👀

94. Favorite season? Fall omg it's gorgeous and has perfect temperatures

95. Favorite app on your phone? ✨tumblr✨

96. Desktop background? Its literally a pic of Soobin, Taehyun, and Beomgyu

97. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Like 4-5

98. Favorite historical era? The one where white people learn their fucking place and stop being racist, homophobic, classist, sexist, all the -ists and -phobics,,,, so none. Fuck history :))

#idk what to put in the tags so if you actually read all of these then damn you're the real mvp

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