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angelselene · 2 years

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Tony and Fer - Stand Without Flinching Behind the Scenes

So I went a lot of different paths in how Tony ended up learning about Duo and who he was and what he’d done in Stand, and one of them was just deciding to go see Jesus’s 2nd in Command, Fernando Garcia. He was a pretty major character in Ashes but never really friends with Duo, and never really trusted him, and he both survived the shoot-out and is stuck in jail, so easy to find.

I absolutely forgot that I wrote this much that I nixed, but this was still relatively early on when I had originally decided to lean away from the story that would become Ashes as much as possible (after all--who wants to read a long fic where I break up the fandom OTP and put them with OCs, one of which is an abusive mess, amirite?).

ANYWAY--I have over 50k of cut or scrapped scenes from the Stars That Have People Names ‘verse, and because I was asked so nicely, here’s a scrapped scene (Spoilers for pretty much the Stars That Have People Names ‘verse).

Tony & Fer

This was probably a terrible idea. Duo would probably happily murder him when he found out--and Tony had no doubt he would. But Tony needed to know more about Reyes, needed to know more about Duo's relationship with the man who was only a couple years Tony's junior and certainly old enough to be Duo's father himself. Duo had loved him, clearly mourned him, but he wouldn't talk about him, and something about the way that he would trail his fingers over the neck tattoo made Tony's skin crawl a little.

So, since Duo wasn't forthcoming and Reyes himself was dead, Tony had to go to the next best source. That meant Fernando Garcia--Reyes's second-in-command.

The lawyers had not been happy about Tony requesting this meeting, especially because he wouldn't tell them what it was about, but Tony was Tony, and he managed to bully his way into it.

Tony had waited over an hour and a half before Garcia was brought in, shackled to the table, then the two of them were left alone.

"Mr. Stark," Garcia said, curious. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Mr. Garcia--"

Garcia waved a hand as far as he could. "Fernando, Mr. Stark."

Tony waited a beat, then said, "Fernando," conceding. He waited another beat before saying, "I want to know about Jesus Reyes."

Garcia scoffed and rolled his eyes, immediately bored. "Gua--"

"Yeah, I know, not terribly original. It's probably all anyone asks you about these days," Tony interrupted before Garcia could call out. He was a good-looking man, clearly tried to keep himself groomed despite the limited resources in a supermax, hair still thick and rich black, no creeping of gray despite being closer to fifty than forty. It was a little overlong, curling around his neck, but he was cleanshaven, showing a strong, fit jaw. He didn't look like you might expect a cartel don's right-hand to. No scars, no deep lines in his face from frowning. He looked... normal. It was depressing how often the monsters looked normal these days. "But I don't want to know about the drugs or the illegal activities--I'm interested in his relationship with his husband."

If Garcia could slouch in the bench seating, he would have. "Of course a man like you is interested in Jesus's whore," he groused.

Before Tony could get up in arms about the insult--and he was more than ready to--the door to the meeting area opened up, and Duo, Duo walked in.

All in black, hair pulled back in an unusually sleek braid, Duo filled the space as if he was a foot taller than he actually was. It was a neat trick that Tony hadn't seen him fully employ since the night he saw Duo put his foot on a mook's throat and mock them for failing to be tough enough to be a bad guy. He flicked a brief glance behind him as he was locked in with Tony and Garcia.

Garcia visibly cringed away from Duo and the sinister grin he sported.

"Hola, Fer," he greeted, rolling the r in Fer and all but purring the man's name out. Tony was a professional superhero, it was still one of the most threateningly innocent greetings he had ever heard.

"How are you even here?" Tony demanded, unwilling to let them dive into this conversation.

Duo's eyes, lidded and lazy and terrifying, shifted to Tony. "You should really avoid trying to go around me," he said, cheerful on the face of it, but with an undercurrent of steel. "If you wanted to know about Jesus that bad, you should have just asked me.”

"I have asked," Tony snapped, uncomfortable with this cheerfully threatening facade. "You wouldn't talk about it."

The smile faded, and Tony almost wanted it back. It might be terrifying, but the weighted, weighing silence was almost worse.

Duo sighed, and an oppressive chill Tony hadn't even noticed lifted as Duo somehow went back to being just a person, tucking his hands in his pockets. Tony didn't miss the audible sigh of relief from Garcia.

"I fucking hate it when you do that," Garcia complained, straightening up.

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Duo singsonged, walking over to stand at the end of the table between both Garcia and Tony. "You know you miss me."

"Like a toothache," Garcia replied, but it wasn't nearly as biting as it should have been. "Was it really necessary to turn us all in when Jesus died?" he asked, sounding tired.

If Duo were at all surprised that Garcia knew he'd been the snitch, he didn't show it. "You're not actually surprised," he said instead of directly answering, a statement, not at all a question.

Garcia rubbed his eyes, then admitted, "No. The cartel was never yours. It was always Jesus's. You just... tolerated it while he was alive."

"Should you even be discussing this?" Tony asked. "What if he puts a hit out on you or something?"

Both Duo and Garcia snorted at that. At Tony's blatantly incredulous look, Garcia reluctantly elaborated. "Waste of money. While I probably know a few who are stupid enough to take the bait, he'd just kill them."

Tony looked appealingly for sense from his son, but Duo just shrugged. "What he said." Whatever the look on Tony's face, it made Duo roll his eyes and add, "You do remember me taking out whole teams of Hydra agents, right?"

"But they were trying to kidnap--not kill!"

"Maybe at first," Duo said, but he sounded like he didn't entirely believe it. "The second team were definitely in search-and-destroy mode."

"I wish I could be surprised by this," Garcia muttered. "You could test the patience of a saint."

"And you never knew me anywhere near my most obnoxious," Duo told him, grinning. This one, at least, was teasing. He shifted his attention back to Tony. "As fun as it might be catching up with Fer, I think it's time you to leave," he said.

"I am not the child here."

The raised eyebrow said Aren't you? loud and clear.

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but I'm curious--how do you know Tony Stark?" Garcia asked Duo. "Seems like he can afford better than you."

Duo narrowed his eyes, but Tony wasn't going to let that go twice. "That's the second time you've called Duo a whore."

Garcia looked confused for a moment before his eyes cleared. "I forget," he said, turning to Duo. "You just wiped away Gemelo and Jesus like they're nothing, I guess?"

Rather than answering directly, Duo pulled out his wallet, pulled a card out of it, then tossed it in front of Garcia. Garcia, bemused, picked it up.

"Duo Reyes-Maxwell?" he asked, startled. Tony was too. He didn't know that Duo had changed his name. When the hell had he done that? "Is this real?"

“I know a judge who owed me a favor," Duo said, flat and unimpressed. "I don't fucking care what you think about me. I never have, and I never will. I may have started sleeping with Jesus because it was an easy way to get close to him, but I married him because I love him. I will not listen to you or anyone else imply otherwise." He reached out, taking his ID back, and the threat in the words rang clear in the mostly empty room.

Garcia glared, hard and angry. "If you loved him, why weren't you there?"

Duo's eyes softened and grief filled them, but not guilt. "Because I was where he told me to be. Because he didn't want me there."

"You sure showed up when it was convenient."

"I came as soon as I realized what he'd done. It was already too late."

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Garcia sneered. "Jesus didn't like letting you out of his sight."

Crossing his arms over his stomach, Duo met Garcia's eyes. "I know," he said, soft, sorrow pouring off him so dense Tony thought he'd choke on it.

Instead of getting angrier, Garcia paled. His eyes went from Duo's arms, up to Duo's eyes and back as if trying to make sense of it. Duo moved his head in only the barest nod, and Garcia looked him over again, face falling.

"It didn't...?"

Duo curled in on himself, just a little, but he shook his head. "No one... No. One wishes it worked more than I do."

Tony looked between the two men, knowing something important was going straight over his head.

Garcia put his elbows on the table and bowed his head into his hands. Neither said anything for several minutes, and Tony opened his mouth to say something, when Garcia said, "You could have taken his place."

It startled a humorless laugh from Duo, and he waited until Garcia looked up at him. "No," he said. "I'd have stayed at Jesus's side until the day he died, but I would never have taken over the Kings."

"We could have made you love us--"

But Duo was already shaking his head. "Jesus would never have allowed it. He would never have willingly shared my affection, not even with the cartel."

His chest heaved with his sigh, but Garcia didn't argue or dispute it. His eyes shifted to Tony, older than they'd been when Tony arrived. "So how do you know our Gemelo? How has he gotten mixed up with your kind?"

Tony blinked, opened his mouth to lie, but Duo said, "Apparently I'm not an orphan."

Garcia stared while Tony glared. "I had a great cover story," he informed his son.

Duo shrugged.

"He hates you for turning over his cartel."

"No, he doesn't," Duo said simply.

"He could put a hit out on you."

"He won't."

"He could tell other people."

"You want to tell the world anyway."

Tony choked down the undignified scream that crawled up his throat, and managed to ground out, "You don't start with the bad guys!"

"Few people are all one thing," Duo said, and the words held the weight of an old man's wisdom. He wrapped a shockingly strong hand around Tony's upper arm, and managed to manhandle him to his feet without looking like it was an effort. Tony lived with people he expected that strength from--his son was not one of them. "Time to go."

"I haven't gotten to talk to him at all."

"And you don't need to."

"I do if you won't talk to me!" Tony snapped, pulling away.

Duo met his eyes, unflinching. "Do you really think he'll talk to you now?"

"Dammit, Duo!"

Oddly, that made Duo's lips quirk in a smile. "Come on, Stark," he said, but it was gentler now.

Knowing when he was beat, Tony stomped to the door and banged on it. Duo hesitated and looked back at Garcia.

"Adios, Fer," he said, and it carried finality with it.

"Adios, Gemelo," Garcia said, turning as much as he could in his seat. Their eyes met, and then Duo turned and followed Tony out.

---

They didn't speak till they made it out to the parking lot. Duo followed him to his car.

"How did you even get here?" Tony asked.

"A cab."

"And how would you get back if I left you here?"

Duo rolled his eyes. "This is hardly the worst place I've been stranded. I'd figure it out."

Tony sighed. "Should I ask how you knew I was here?"

An eyebrow lifted and he crossed his arms--this time across his chest. Something about that change drew Tony's attention. He tucked it away, let his brain start working at it. "Someone owes you a favor," he said, letting his irritation show. "Is there anyone you don't know?"

"Sure. Plenty."

"So, are you actually going to tell me about Reyes?" Even to his own ears, he sounded defeated.

To his surprise, Duo cocked his head to the side and considered him. "Why is this so important to you?"

"Because you're my son and I know... God, I know so little about you. About your life. I want to know about the man you loved enough to marry. I want to know if he was worthy of you. From his letter, I know he loved you, but did he treat you right?"

With a sigh, Duo leaned against his car. "When I went undercover, I found an underground fighting ring. Jesus liked 'em, so I worked my way in and after a couple months, I caught his attention, and he asked to meet me face to face." He looked up, staring into the sky. "He didn't come onto me then, exactly, but I could tell I piqued his interest. The next time I fought, he brought in someone I couldn't get away with just kicking the shit out of. Someone I had to kill or he would have killed me." He sighed again, kicked at a pebble. "It pissed me off, being manipulated into killing someone like that. Half the reason I took the job in the first place was because I thought there was a good chance it'd get me killed."

He paused, and Tony didn't push him, not wanting to risk stopping it.

"Jesus was fascinated by the fact I looked like a scrawny kid but was so strong. The contradiction amused him, I think. When he came to see me after the fight, I was totally pissed off and ready to blow the whole damn thing to hell. Then he came onto me." Tony tensed up, but Duo seemed amused by the memory. "Must've been something to see. Jesus had like a foot and a hundred fifty pounds on me, but I'm used to everyone being bigger than me. Jesus didn't scare me. I brushed him off, still pissed that he'd gotten me to kill for him." He paused again, clearly lost in memories. He blinked them away, then continued. "I couldn't fight anymore--the ring tacitly condoned killing, but they had to make it look like it was frowned upon, so fighters who killed were usually kicked out, which left me basically unemployed, and Jesus knew it. I told him he didn't pay me to fuck him and I wasn't that hard up yet." He looked at his feet. "I don't know if I was trying to play hard to get or if I really just wanted him to go away. In the end, it didn't matter. I didn't know it then, but I could not have made him fixate on me better if I'd been trying. No one denied Jesus. No one stood up to him. No one let themselves be manhandled without cowering. He'd seen me fight for months--seen me kill. He knew how dangerous I was. It was part of the appeal. He made it clear that he wanted me, then let me go."

When Duo didn't continue, Tony prompted, "And after that?"

"I stopped in and saw Sally, let her know who her John Doe was and that I had an opportunity to get in deep with Jesus. Sally's smart--she knew that if I was getting that far in that fast, it had to be a honey trap scenario. Before you get mad at her or Une, she told me to pull out. That it wasn't worth it. I disagreed. It was too perfect an opportunity to pass up because she was feeling prudish." He put his hands in his pockets and looked back up at the sky, blue and uninterrupted for nearly as far as the eye could see. His next words made Tony's stomach drop. "Fer called me a whore because he knew I was one. I turned tricks on and off from the time I was about eight until I was about eleven, when I got off L2. I don't usually tell people, one--because people hear I'm an L2 orphan and they just assume it, which is particularly annoying because it's true, even if it's an ugly stereotype. Two, I'm not ashamed of it. I was eleven when I stopped turning tricks. It wasn't something I did because I thought it was cool--it's what I did because I was desperate. I would have been raped anyway--at least if I was selling it, I had a little bit of control over the situation."

Duo talked about it like he would about the weather, and the matter-of-fact explanation made Tony's gorge rise. His son had sold himself because if he didn't, he'd be raped anyway. He had stopped turning tricks when he was eleven. Tony had to lean against the car, but his stomach churned so violently, his legs gave out, dumping him unceremoniously on his ass. He was too busy trying not to throw up to care about his dignity. Hadn't he noticed only a week ago that Duo deliberately downplayed his own attractiveness? No small wonder.

When he was sure that he wasn't going to be sick, he noticed Duo watching him out of the corner of his eye. He didn't look upset or annoyed, but he clearly wasn't surprised.

"Do I want to know how Garcia knew?" Tony asked, swallowing hard.

"I told you, I'm not ashamed of it. Besides, I may have been eleven when I stopped, but those are lessons you don't forget. I know what I look like, and I know how to make a man want me. I did it during the war to get close to targets--though I was usually able to kill them before I had to fuck them. Still, I'd slept with worse men for way worse reasons than bringing down a cartel. Being squeamish about Jesus seemed stupid. Once I went back in, they couldn't pull me out without risking my cover--and my life."

"So you slept with him?" Tony swallowed again, wishing he didn't have to ask that question. Part of him wanted to yell that this wasn't what he wanted to know, but he knew deep down that Duo wouldn't be telling him this if it didn't apply.

He could feel Duo's eyes on him for a long moment before he answered. "Yeah. Not without death threats, though--on both sides. Jesus had figured out who I was--but we knew he would." He shrugged. "For, oh, six months or more? We were... violent. Wufei insists Jesus was abusive. That's what he wanted to tell you about--that Jesus was abusive. It's more complicated than that, though. Jesus liked to leave marks--to show the world I was taken, he would say. He also liked to push me, see how close he could come to killing me before I pushed back. Mostly he did that by choking me."

Tony closed his eyes, pulled up his knees and put his head between them, breathing shallowly through his nose to avoid throwing up.

"Are you really sure you want to hear this?" Duo asked. "It really isn't pretty. I was a mess."

"I need to know," Tony insisted, even as he swallowed all the saliva generated from nearly heaving.

Duo sighed. "On your head be it," he said. "Wufei thinks that I let Jesus hurt me because I hoped he'd kill me. He's right, even if it took me a long time to admit it. My throat was a rainbow of bruises for months, but I could have stopped it at any time, which is why I don't really consider it abuse. Self mutilation with an unusual instrument, maybe, but not abuse. I gave nearly as good as I got, only I used blades--the threat of them was usually enough to get him to back off. I'd end up bruised, but it was a minor nuisance. He was always aware that if he killed me, I was taking him with me."

Tony's brain made the connection, because of course it did. "Your tattoo."

Duo hmmed in agreement. "He suggested it for the first time, oh, a month into our relationship? I held him off for more than nine months. For the record, I finally got sick of looking like a beat wife after about six months. If nothing else, the craziness of our relationship helped ground me. I knew it wasn't healthy, but the whole situation, having a mission, something that needed me on my toes and focused long term, I won't say it got me over losing 'Ro. I don't know that I'll ever be over it. But it did eventually push me back into deciding I wanted to live again, or at least didn't want to die. Not exactly the same thing, but it was good enough. I put my foot down, told him he wasn't allowed to keep choking me or I'd leave him. By then, he was pretty much obsessed with me. Fer wasn't exaggerating--Jesus didn't like to let me out of his sight. It was useful because it meant that I quickly got access to everything. He was also almost psychotically possessive. There were maybe four people in the cartel he was okay with me spending time one-on-one with."

"What changed? Something must have changed."

"I don't know if it was him or me," Duo admitted. "But once I made him stop marking me up, he... opened up. It stopped being just the push and pull of sex and possession. He... wasn't kind, exactly, but it was clear that somewhere along the line, I stopped just being a prize or a trophy--he started to care about me, wanted to know about me. In turn, he told me about himself."

When Duo didn't continue, Tony managed to pull his head up. Duo was staring directly ahead of him, fingertips trailing over Jesus's name on his neck. "You fell in love with him," Tony guessed.

Duo nodded, dropping his hand and crossing his arms again. "I'm... I'm not like other people. I don't know if it's because of turning tricks or what, but I only have a sex drive when I'm in love with someone. I can have sex, sure, but I don't ever want it or need it, and outside of the physical, it doesn't really do anything for me. I don't experience casual attraction. I know what it looks like on others, and I almost always know when someone's attracted to me like that, but I'm not wired that way. I never look at anyone--man, woman, whatever--and think 'wow, they're hot' or 'I'd hit that.' I need the emotional investment first."

"Demisexual," Tony said, because his brain had to fill in the blanks. Duo blinked at him, curious. "From your description, you're demisexual. You only experience sexual attraction when you have an emotional romantic connection to them."

"I guess. Anyway, Jesus had gotten up one night, and I'm a light sleeper, so I followed him. He nearly burnt down the fucking kitchen trying to make french toast." The words, said in another tone, may have been disparaging, but Duo spoke of it with warmth and affection. "I made him sit and cooked for him, and we just talked. We were just talking, and he realized that I'd been raped as a kid." He shook his head, still bemused, apparently blind to the cold horror settling in Tony's gut at the careless mention. Tony had known, deep in his gut, he had known, but it wasn't the same thing as hearing Duo admit it. "His sister was raped when she was a teenager, and it gave Jesus a bit of a complex about it, which is not typically a complex I associate with organized crime. Jesus about had a panic attack when he thought he might have raped me." Duo shook his head, still smiling. "I told him he was an idiot and I would never have let him do that. He should have known he couldn't force me--I'd have killed him first. He had to know that. But... he was honestly terrified that he'd forced me. That I didn't want to be with him." He closed his eyes and leaned his head back, lifting his face to the sun, but even though he looked sad, the memory still made his mouth soften in a smile.

Duo opened his eyes and looked back down at Tony. "I didn't always want to be with him, but it was my choice." He looked away, back into the distance before continuing. "I was looking him in the eyes when I told him that. I saw this... incredible relief wash through him. Here was a borderline sociopath, and the very thought he might have raped me could have broken him." He took a deep breath, chest expanding. "I had probably been falling ever since he stopped choking me, but that was the moment I realized it. I'd seen the man in the monster, and... muerte mio." Duo's voice hitched, and it was his turn to swallow. "I loved him. I wanted to be with him, for as long as he'd have me. I wanted to protect him." He looked down at his palms, those scarred palms, and closed his eyes as he closed his hands again. He sniffed softly and gathered himself visibly. "Things were different after that. I got the tattoo because it made him happy, and that was enough for me."

His hand had crept up to trail over his neck again. Even though Tony knew the tattooed skin didn't feel any different than the blank skin, Duo's fingertips unerringly traced each letter. "He was still a monster. He still did terrible things for stupid and selfish reasons. But few people are all one thing, and I got to have the very best of him."

Tony absorbed that for a minute while Duo pushed off the car, standing. He took the few steps to stand in front of Tony. "Was that everything you wanted to know?" he asked, curious. "Or did you want more particulars? Like he probably couldn't cook to save his life but was always willing to help do the dishes if I cooked for him. He preferred to have me in sight, but it wasn't because he didn't trust me. He just liked having me there. He was fascinated by my tattoos and could spend hours tracing them."

"That's enough," Tony interrupted, not wanting to hear more intimate details. He already knew way more about his son's sex life than he ever wanted to.

Duo stuck a hand in his pocket and sighed. "He loved me--as much as he was capable of loving anyone. That's really all you needed to know, and the letter told you that," he said. Really, it would have been much easier to take the rebuke if he sounded even a little upset, rather than resigned.

"I don't want to apologize for wanting to know more about you," Tony said.

Rather than replying to that, Duo held out his hand. Tony stared at it for a moment before taking it. Duo pulled him easily to his feet, then held out his hand again. "The keys?" he prompted. Tony opened his mouth to protest, but Duo interrupted him. "You're still about three shades paler than I like. I'm not letting you drive like that."

"I have--"

"Done must stupider things under much worse circumstances, I'm sure. But I'm here and there's no emergency. I'm not convinced you're not going to throw up."

"How do you expect me to feel? Finding out... that you had to... that you were..." The bile rose in his throat again.

Duo sighed and pushed him back against the car. "Breathe," he said. "Keep it shallow--through your nose."

"Why aren't you... more upset?" Tony asked between breaths.

"I've killed every man who has ever raped me. I've had shrinks tell me that's not a healthy coping mechanism, but it works for me," he said, voice tinged with a morbid humor Tony was sure Natasha would echo. "As for whoring myself, I never did it for myself. I wouldn't have bothered. If it were just me, I could steal enough to survive. I took care of a bunch of other kids when I was young--littler than me. I couldn't provide for all of us on what I could steal, so I turned tricks instead. It was the only work that anyone wanted to give a pretty boy like me anyway."

Tony could feel Duo's eyes on him as he struggled to keep his breathing shallow, struggled against the bile burning the back of his throat. "God... I should have..." He closed his mouth. If he opened it again, he was going to throw up.

Duo sighed, loud enough to make Tony look at him. "Look, you need to stop this. You didn't know. The shit that happened to me... unfortunately, my story isn't that much different than a lot of L2 street kids. The biggest difference is that I survived it."

"My..." Tony choked, but he was going to get this out. "My son has been raped and beaten and had to sell himself just to survive. Had to kill to survive. I can't even tell you who your mother was because I slutted it up better than any whore. You... you should have had everything--"

He was cut off as Duo grabbed his shoulders and pushed him hard into the car. "Listen to me," Duo snapped, low and dangerous. "You. Did. Not. Know. What happened to me isn't your fault, and you need to stop trying to take blame for things you had no part in. You didn't knowingly abandon me. You didn't rape me. You have got to stop this 'what if' game you're playing with yourself. You didn't know, and you can't condemn yourself for things you never did."

"I wasn't there," Tony choked out, and this time, it was tears that fueled the knot in his throat. "You can't... you can't know that I wouldn't have left you to that, even if I had known. You don't know what I was like--"

"And you're not listening. I know people. I know what they're like, I know what drives them, I know how to hit their buttons, got it? I know people. The only person I know who is a better judge of character than I am is Quatre, and he fucking cheats. Stop assuming that you would have made the worst decisions if you'd known, all right? So you were a schmuck when you were in your twenties. Most guys are, and you had more reason to be than most. That doesn't mean that if you knew about me, you would have shut me out or consigned me to my life on L2."

"You can't..."

"I can know that," Duo said, nearly snarling. "I get that you were a prick before Afghanistan. News flash--you're still a prick most of the time, so honestly, it didn't change you all that much. No matter what you or the news or anyone else thinks--the man you were before and the man you are since getting out of that cave--you're the same man. You didn't have a personality transplant--you went through a paradigm shift and realized you weren't the center of the world." He let go of the lapels of Tony's jacket, and stepped back. "You care about people. That didn't come out of nowhere. If I handed you a kid--an infant--right now, and told you it was yours, you'd do anything in your power to protect that kid--to make sure it grew up happy and healthy and they knew that they were loved. Why in empty space would you believe that if someone had handed you me as an infant that you would have done any different?" He met Tony's eyes, refused to look away. "That empathy didn't come from nowhere--it was always part of you. Stop taking blame for shit you didn't do and stop hating yourself for decisions you didn't get a chance to make."

"I--"

"Get it through your head--you didn't know," Duo said, starting to sound angry. "You are not responsible for all of the evils in the world. Maybe if you knew about me, none of it would have ever happened. Maybe I'd have been kidnapped because I was your kid, and it all would have happened just the same. There's no way of knowing, so knock it the hell off."

Even if everything Duo was saying was true, it didn't make Tony feel any better. He opened his mouth, paused, then closed it. He didn't have words to explain how much knowing what Duo had gone through ate at him--how it horrified him.

Duo put his hands on his hips and stared up at the sky as if praying for patience. After a moment, he looked back down and rubbed between his eyes. "You know, it's a little irritating that you seem to think I've been some hapless victim my whole life," he said. "And more than a little condescending." He took Tony's elbow and manhandled him over to the other side of the car. When he stepped away, he was holding up Tony's keys. "Get in," he instructed, and his tone brokered no argument. Tony got in, but only because he had to agree--if only privately--that he was in no shape to drive.

Duo went back around, got in, adjusted the seat and mirrors quickly, then turned on the car, putting it in reverse to back out. "You know, for someone who hasn't known me for very long, you now know more about me than pretty much anyone knows--at least in broad strokes. Even the other pilots didn't know most of it until after the war."

"Why not?" Tony asked, curious.

Shrugging before he put the car back in drive to start out, Duo said, "It was war. None of us really expected to survive. We also didn't spend nearly as much time together early in the war as people think. We didn't know about each other when we came down--even attacked each other on some of our first meetings--hell, I shot 'Ro twice the first time we met. Most of our backgrounds are varying levels of nightmare-inducing, so they're not something we like sharing. Fighting together like we did--we bonded, sure. Just like any good unit should. But we didn't individually build relationships much until after the war was over."

"You and Yuy..."

"Well, some of us clicked more than others during the war. Me'n'Ro, Tro' and Quat. Some people just do," he replied, eyes on the road. He drove the manual so smoothly, someone could be convinced that it was an automatic. "I... have been told repeatedly that I am not a reliable judge of me'n'Ro. You're better off asking one of the others for a more unbiased view."

#STHPNfic #StandWithoutFlinchingfic #angiewrote #behindthesccenes

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singsweetmelodies · 2 years

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hihi I would just like to share my two cents because that anon's ask made me ???

I think the anon should realise it's called real person FICTION for a reason. things in RPF are made up, and by that extent, characters are too. That means even though authors borrow real people's names and sometimes make references to real events, at the end of the day, the character in RPF works are not the actual people themselves. Which is why I'm completely ok with reading fics involving drivers that are not top of my favourites/I don't know that much about if the summary of the work interests me a lot, like I personally do not really care much for Esteban outside of the fact that he, Pierre and Charles did spend quite a lot of time together in karting as they are French/French-adjacent, but I'm okay with trying reading say, Pierresteban fics from time to time. Or perhaps the fics come from a writer whose other works I enjoyed reading and I think, ok this fic's ideas, characterisation etc will most likely be good. Because these drivers in the fics aren't 100% representative of the actual drivers.

That being said, I'd understand if a driver's certain IRL actions disgust you so much that you can't bring yourself to read fics that involve that driver, like for me, I really can't bring myself to read anything involving Mazep*n. BUT that doesn't mean I can, or should, impose my belief onto others. Everyone being free to enjoy and curate their experience both here and on Tumblr is what makes fandom experience healthy.

Anyways, rant over, I hope you have a great weekend ahead (p.s. I always love to read your tags. They are always plentiful and detailed <3)

AMEN!! this, exactly - i agree completely with every word you've said here, omg. real person fiction: exactly! we borrow their names and aspects of their characters and backstories, but it's just that: borrowing. none of it is real.

and YES, i'm exactly in agreement with you again about reading fics for drivers who aren't usually my favourites. if it's by an author i like, or if the summary is intriguing... my thoughts exactly! we are here to have fun in fandom, so why shouldn't we read whatever strikes our fancy?

as for that last paragraph of yours about not imposing one's beliefs onto others, and curating your own experience: i know i've said it a lot in this reply, but EXACTLY. fandom should be about fun, and the second one tries to force things onto other people, it stops being fun. i feel like a lot of this fandom's nastier anons lately are hiding behind the anon button purely to ruin other people's experience, which i find both a completely baffling thing to want to do, firstly, but also incredibly cowardly. it's like they know they're in the wrong, so they're relying on anonymity just to try and ruin someone's day.

and not to bring taylor swift into everything, but like... "this is why we can't have nice things // because you break them // i had to take them away." i can't understand why anyone in their right mind would hate on any content creator!! all you are going to do, eventually, is drive them away. and if all the content creators are driven away, then soon there won't be any fandom!! i don't CARE how wild someone's ship is. even if someone ships something which to me is completely absurd - like... fernando/charles, to choose a wild one - i wouldn't send them hate about it. fernando/charles makes no sense to me personally, but as long as it makes them happy, that's all that matters, and nobody should ever tell them anything different. ship fernando/charles and have a great time if that's what floats your boat!

anyways yes 🙈 a very long, rambly answer all just to say thank you so so much for sending this, and i agree completely ❤️ i do wish i could print this out and have it sent physically to that anon (🤦🏼‍♀️) but yes, i appreciate you so so much for taking the time to come and share this! you are a star <333

#asks & answers #🖥 sometypeoffeels #i saw this on my tea break at work and just smiled at my phone down the entire time the kettle was boiling #because just. EXACTLY!!#you get it... you completely get it #thank you so so much ❤️#logically i know that anon was way out of line #but having people agree with me and back me up just makes me feel so much better about it all ❤️#so i really REALLY appreciate this!#and omg you wrote such a well-worded and well-reasoned rant too #LOVE it #you really are amazing mwah ❤️❤️#ALSO TYSM FOR THE COMPLIMENTS @ MY TAGS #it always makes me blush and twirl my hair lmaoooo #i am an insane idiot in the tags but it makes me so happy to hear that people like it <3333 #kisses!! 😘

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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years

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Exterminators of the Year 3000 (1983)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

There are many Mad Max ripoffs and the most ripoff-iest of them all must be Exterminators of the Year 3000. The few original ideas contained within feel like asterisks, tiny details thrown in to “prove” this cheapo action adventure isn’t simply The Road Warrior on shuffle mode.

It's the year 3000. Nuclear war has destroyed the ozone belt. It hasn’t rained for years and the remnants of humanity battle on the roads for every remaining drop of water. When lone marauder Alien (Robert Iannucci) stumbles upon young Tommy (Luca Vennantini), he agrees to bring the boy to the source of water his tribe was desperately trying to reach. But even with the demented Crazy Bull (Fernando Bilbao) and his raving gang of lunatics forcing them to work in unison, Tommy can't trust his new partner.

You’ll immediately notice the Italian cast and the dubbed dialogue; dialogue so poorly written it confirms director Giuliano Carnimeo (as Jules Harrison) only had a tenuous understanding of the English language. It’s hard to determine if the villains’ constant references to “mother-grabbers” or “lousy splots of aberration” are attempts to self-censor and make the film available to those under 18 (they failed, it’s still rated R) or some of the weakest bits of world-building you’ve ever seen. Generally, I’d call the film tedious, but the dialogue is full of gems: bits of random words strung together that’ll make you laugh out loud. “Nothing is impossible with faith and prayer; even miracles!” indeed. Characters frequently tell you how they feel instead of letting their words, inflections or actions do so. Even if they were given brilliant lines to barf out, it wouldn't have matted. The people chosen to read the script are dreadful.

Giuliano Carnimeo makes you appreciate the skill and artistry of George miller. In this picture, there’s no escalation in the action, whatsoever. The climax has a big body count, but it’s nothing compared to a big sequence about 20-minutes in - a scene shamelessly lifted from the climax of The Road Warrior. It’s a pool of quicksand you’re only barely making your way through when finally, we’re properly introduced to this film’s Max Rockatansky: Alien. While Mel Gibson's character has charm and you can sense a heart beating beneath his bitter exterior, Robert Iannucci is like an unwrapped chocolate bar that’s been sitting on the pavement on a hot summer day. Even if you wanted to dig in, he wouldn’t be worth the effort. The guy’s just a jerk with no bargaining skills, and he’s not even good at what he does! Sculpting an anti-hero is delicate work and Exterminators of the Year 3000 is not up to the task at all.

Plot points frequently come out of nowhere, characters act illogically, their dialogue feels like a crossbow bolt through the palm and their performances are worse. Don’t even get me started on the scenes that demand they shed tears. You’d think the Italian movie people could at least get the stunts right, but they can’t. The gore isn’t convincing, and neither are any of the punches or kicks thrown. It then makes the fatal mistake of showing every explosion and crash in slow-motion. Now you'll definitely spot the helmet-wearing stunt drivers who have replaced the actors and their cheap costumes.

Exterminators of the Year 3000 (a title that is neither memorable nor appropriate for this film) is amusing for a while but sitting through the entire thing is a bore. You can have fun at its expense but eventually, the overwhelming, ever-pervasive shoddiness gets to you and you simply want it to end. (On Blu-ray, June 15, 2018)

#Exterminators of the Year 3000 #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #Giuliano Carmineo #Dardano Sacchetti #Elisa Briganti #Jose Truchado Reyes #Robert Iannucci #Alicia Moro #Eduardo Fajardo #1983 movies #1983 film

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spanishskulduggery · 3 years

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Do you know of any fossil words in Spanish, words that used to be common but fell out of use and are now only preserved in idioms? I tried looking on Google but all the results were English-only examples

I'll try and think of some others but here are the ones that come to mind; and I’m not sure all of these will be what you’re looking for.

si fuere menester = "in the event of" el menester used to be fairly common especially in the Medieval period, where it was another word for "need" or "necessity". Today you only see menester in si fuere menester which is an unusual construction as it is, since fuere is the future subjunctive - which is an obsolete tense - and so it literally means "should it be necessary". This expression only now shows up in contracts and legal contexts normally as "in the event of"

donde fueres haz lo que vieres = "when in Rome... (do as the Romans do)" Again, this is future subjunctive; literally "wherever you go, do what you see".. but in a more obtuse future subjunctive way "wherever you should happen to go, do whatever you may happen to see"

la urdimbre y trama = "warp and weft" The idea of this is related to "weaving", and though this phrase is rather antiquated or particular, it occasionally shows up as something like la urdimbre y trama de la sociedad or something where that's "the fabric of society". It's not the way you say that so much now [el tejido or la tela are more common], but urdir "to warp" was related to working a loom. You still do use tramar but it's not often that you see it related to weaving anymore... tramar is "to plot" or "to hatch a scheme", but you can see how "weaving" would go into "plotting"

so pena de = "under pain of" You don't often see so used in Spanish today, since it's a more direct link to Latin and Italian. And today la pena rarely means "pain" in the physical sense, it usually means "sorrow" or "anguish"... but again in legal cases, so pena de muerte is "under pain/penalty of death"

a diestra y siniestra = "all over the place" This expression literally means "to the right and left". The word diestro/a is still "right-handed" (also means "skillful" or "dexterous"), but siniestro/a used to mean "left-handed"... the idea that the left hand was more evil and "sinister", and "under-handed". In older contexts, siniestro/a means "left-handed", but in modern contexts you say zurdo/a for "left-handed"

al tuntún = "impromptu", "improvise", "on the fly", "by ear" This expression is derived from Latin, ad vultum tuum which is literally "to your face" in Latin. You never see tuntún anymore unless something is done al tuntún but it might be more regional; it just means you're making it up as you go

dormir como un ceporro = "to sleep like a log" Most people today say dormir como un tronco which is the same idea; el ceporro is a variation but it's extremely unusual to see it. Most people will use tronco if they have to

tuerto/a = one-eyed I'm actually not sure if people use tuerto/a still, since there are other ways to say "blind in one eye" or "one-eyed". In older Spanish, tuerto could show up as a "grievance", but in the expression en el reino de ciegos el tuerto es rey is still used sometimes, literally "in the kingdom of blind people, the one-eyed man is the king"

(el) haba = bean [technically haba is feminine] Not common to see el haba used much anymore except in certain contexts, and it's the root of la habichuela "bean". In Spain, sometimes haba is "idiot" so if you see el tonto del haba it's like "the biggest idiot that ever lived"

Vuestra Merced = "Your Lordship/Ladyship" This is the original form of it, but it eventually turned into usted "you" used for polite things. The title was Vuestra Merced and it was how you addressed someone without knowing their title, so it became very polite. In older Spanish you'd abbreviate it as Vd. which eventually became Ud. as the abbreviation for usted. Keep in mind that at a certain point in time, Spanish wrote the U sound as a V, and it followed more of the Latin pronunciation where the V had a softer U/W sound at times. Outside of Spain and works set in older time periods, you're unlikely to use vuestro/a - it even became informal plural "you all" in Spain - but you rarely ever see merced used. Chances are you're only going to see it was vuestra in front of it. But just know that vos has a very different meaning today than it did in the Middle Ages

meter/sembrar cizaña = "to sow discord" You're never going to see cizaña used in any other context unless you happen upon some botanical book. The literal translation is "darnel" which is sometimes called "false wheat"; basically la cizaña looks like trigo "wheat", and it grows close to wheat but it often has a fungus that's poisonous so you need to separate it. The idea behind it is that if you're deliberately planting cizaña you're actively trying to poison someone or make things worse

la celestina = "a go-between, a mediator" This word comes directly from La Celestina a novel written in Spain's Golden Age by Fernando de Rojas. In it there's a woman named Celestina who sets up meetings between women living in convents (who weren't always nuns) and men; acting as a go-between and chaperone for love affairs basically. The term was also la alcahueta but became celestina after the character in the book. Certain characters in literature are considered celestinas like the Nurse in Romeo and Juliet; basically the girl/woman can't risk her reputation so she has her maid or chaperone working to arrange things, and they're often the catalyst for things going wrong. In other contexts, celestina or una alcahueta is a "pimp" or "madame", or sometimes "a gossip"

pardo/a = brown, brownish-gray Today you’re only really going to see pardo/a used with animals. Specifically, el oso pardo is a “grizzly bear”, and pardo/a can be used with horses as “dun”. I don’t know if “grizzly bear” counts as an expression but anyway. In older Spanish pardo/a was another word for “brown” when it came to people too. Today, if you’re describing hair color as “brown/brunette” you’re using castaño which is literally “chestnut”, either castaño claro “light brown” or castaño oscuro “dark brown”. When it comes to things that are brown, the typical word is now marrón or sometimes you see it as color café which is “coffee-colored”

ser un caco = to be a thief Not commonly used as ladrón, ladrona “thief”, but un caco literally means “a Cacus”. Basically, Cacus was a mythological figure who stole some cattle and Hercules killed him. In some places people use un caco to mean “thief” as a euphemism

la Parca = the Grim Reaper Orginally, las Parcas were the Parcae in Roman (originally Greek) mythology. They were the sisters of fate who would measure someone’s life and eventually cut the thread. Today, it’s just one Parca and it’s typically a male figure, skeletal, with a scythe as the “Grim Reaper”, rather than it being a woman with scissors. That’s because during the Plague, people thought of Death as being a skeletal figure that held a scythe, the symbol for “reaping” wheat that was ripe.

manjar de los dioses = “nectar of the gods” / a delicacy el manjar is used in some places in certain contexts but it originally came from Italian as “food” or something “to eat”. Today, manjar is usually a “snack”, or in some cases it’s dulce de leche, but most of the Spanish-speaking world doesn’t use manjar so much. It is sometimes “delicacy”, but in older contexts it was code for “ambrosia”, the thing that the Greek gods couldn’t get enough of. The world manjar still feels very antiquated to me, but when it’s used it’s some kind of good food or eating a lot of food

valer un potosí = “to be worth a fortune” un potosí is pretty antiquated, but it came from the city Potosí in Bolivia which was famous for its silver mines that the conquistadores exploited. There are still some places that will use potosí as “something of great value”, though it’s not so common anymore unless you’re talking about the actual city.

moros y cristianos = “beans and rice” Usually it’s black beans and white rice, though this is literally “Moors and Christians”. You still use cristiano/a today but typically you only use moro/a in a historical sense

Also there’s the expression más sordo/a que una tapia where it means someone is really hard of hearing; literally “as deaf as a garden wall”, but I’ve never seen people use tapia ...only a muro or a cerca as “wall” or “fence”. The idea of tapiar is related to “mortar” and “masonry”

There are also some expressions related to metal and older words for it. For example, saturnino/a is an older word for “gloomy”, though it now refers to “lead-poisoning”. Saturn was linked to “moodiness” in alchemical society, and the symbol for Saturn was the older symbol for “lead”.

This is similar to how áureo/a is “gold” but also linked to the “sun” because the Sun and gold are linked.

Another is el azogue which is the older word for mercury so it’d be “quicksilver”. You may see azogarse in some texts where it means “to be fidgetty” and it’s related both to mercury-poisoning, and probably to the idea of Mercury/Hermes being the messenger god so always on the move.

There is also hidalgo/a which doesn’t have quite the same meaning it did originally. Today, hidalgo/a is sort of like “having noble blood”. It literally means “son of something/someone”, where originally in Spain hidalgos were the children of nobles - specifically, it tended to refer to the children of nobles who weren’t the firstborn male. Firstborn sons often got about 2/3 of the money and were expected to run the estates. The second or third or fourth children were usually on their own. It became a running joke that the firstborn became the lord, and the others would either join the army or the clergy. In Cervantes’s time, hidalgos could be among the poorest of society, even poorer than slaves in some cases. They were still “noble” in terms of blood though, and hidalgos couldn’t be tortured by the Inquisition because of it. So they were afforded certain rights, but usually tended to be poor or lower than you’d expect a noble to be. Today it just means “of nobility”, but in Cervantes’s time a hidalgo was the symbol of Spain under the Holy Roman Empire - wealthy and noble and glorious in theory, much poorer in reality.

I'd also add the phrases levar ancla "to raise anchor" or "anchors aweigh/away", where levar is rarely used today aside from nautical terms. Similarly, izar la bandera is "to hoist the flag"... not a lot of chances to use izar if it's not related to "flags" or la vela "a sail"

I also would say errar is less common today in Spanish. It's still used, but you normally say cometer un error "to make a mistake". Still, errar es humano, perdonar es divino "to err is human, to forgive divine". Also errar is weirdly irregular at times, it turns into yerro as present tense yo

And I’m also going to include when la manzana means a “city block”. Today manzana is not rare, it means “apple”. But manzana as a “city block” was originally mansana where it meant a “collection of manses/houses arranged in a block on a grid”. So there’s that. If you ever see manzana used for blocks in a city, it’s technically a separate word

Also depending on context el mar “sea” will be la mar with the feminine article. That’s usually more particular, usually meaning “open water” or deeper waters like alta mar “high seas”. The more poetic or open the water is, the more likely it is to be feminine, and so la mar isn’t quite so antiquated but it’s a little special

#Spanish #language #langblr #langauges

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sometimes-petty · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking...

There's so much to extrapolate from the conceptualization of the Maralto and the Process. When I first watched 3%, I've noticed that the system was further explained and explored every season, each time showing a different layer.

First of all, it starts as being cartoonishly and sickly unjust.

However, for the entirety of Season 1, we only see the Process itself, and only a fraction of the actual life on the Inland. Although unjust, the whole trial feels functional to the plot. The Inland is shown as a grey and awful place where to live, so of course, we only root for the characters to pass all of the tests, or at least not to die trying.

It reminds me of certain criticisms aimed at stereotypical YA dystopian novels/movies, where the worldbuilding displays the society in it as generically unjust, but the characters are never shown truly struggling under the system.

Like in The Hunger Games, during the first season of 3%, the emphasis is less on fighting the system and more on getting out alive from the Process. It's a necessary step, being that it's the first season.

Secondly, in Season 2 the system starts becoming unfair.

It's slightly different than in the previous season, however, it's the first crack in the façade of the Maralto and starts showing how deeply human the system truly is.

Like I said in another post, Marcela considered giving Marco a second chance in passing the Process, because he's her son and she loves him, despite changing her mind in the end and prioritizing the Maralto's laws over him - after he failed another task. The OG Rafael tried to participate in the Process the same way his brother did one year earlier. André outright murdered his own mentor rather than losing the privilege he received in passing the Process. Not to mention the Founding Couple, who overthrew the entire society, causing countless people to die, to prevent their work from being stolen.

To sum up, in season 1 the Maralto can be reached only by one's own abilities and skills; in season 2, we're shown the collateral effects caused by this rule. The only point is not passing the Process, as much as getting to the Maralto, with any possible shortcut. Season 2 is all about the core of the selfishness that comes with the existence of the Maralto.

Thirdly, during season 3 the Maralto is shown in all of its ineffectiveness.

It all revolves around the Concha, of course, and all of the changes that it brings.

We know from season 2 that the Maralto guarantees regular vaccinations to anyone under 20 years old, as usual because they're the only ones who still matter. Nothing is done, nevertheless, to truly help them out of the horrible circumstances they grow up in. The most we see is in season 1 when Ezequiel goes (mostly) out of his way to take care of Augusto (Julia's son; she said that she chose that name for him as soon as he was born), though until it puts at risk his place at the Maralto and as the head of the Process.

Otherwise, kids on the Inland grow up poor, abused, and helpless, with the only actual support coming from the Church, that indoctrinates into worshipping the Maralto. As long as everyone lives like this, they'll all want nothing more than passing the Process and leaving that hellhole. We see it with Joana in season 1 and with Glòria throughout all the series. Thinking about it, the vaccinations are probably only there to make sure no highly contagious illness arrives on the Maralto through the Process' candidates. Elìsa herself never cared that much about the Maralto, on the contrary she didn't see the point in such a stark division, but she too was given the choice to either live in misery or well enough.

Then Michele and Fernando found the Concha. As it's shown at the front door and in practice, everyone is welcome there, and people start having a second chance. Of course it threatens the Maralto's position at the top of society.

It reminds me of the workers' struggles in various countries. I don't remember where I read it, but it was someone joking that, in the 60s, once people started having a TV at home and eating meat more than once a week, the Communist Party started having fewer militants. This is what happens when people's demands and needs are actually met. The point was never the revolution itself; it's only a necessary step after the government refuses for so long to act to improve people's living conditions.

Similarly, on 3%, once people weren't starving or getting murdered and finally had the chance to live a fulfilling life, they wouldn't turn anymore towards the Process for it. Even the Causa disappeared, since the reason for its existence became less relevant.

Finally, in the last season, the Maralto has long been stripped of any greatness it could represent for viewers, and all that's left to see is an illusion.

Once again, Joana face-plants into this new trial when she meets Veronica, and all her resolution starts faltering. Rafael and Cassia find a common ground in the way either the Causa or the Maralto's military gave them both a purpose when passing the Process wasn't an option anymore. André believes himself as the right heir of the Founding Couple and kills himself rather than living without this idea, even when the Maralto itself is gone forever. The same happens to Marco, Leonardo, and Naìr when it's time to flee. Even Natalia, the most determined militant of the Cause, ready to give her life for it, momentarily opposes destroying the Maralto when she sees how much knowledge is stored in their archives.

All in all, everyone is offered their greatest desire when coming to the Maralto - a mother, a purpose, happiness, culture - and only finds lies when they get closer.

The Maralto never worked. Laìs and Vitòr themselves had miserable lives when they'd rather choose the system they created over their only daughter.

The point is, the system was human-made, with all of the faults that come with it, and just as readily could be unmade.

To conclude:

"We live in capitalism. Its power seems inescapable. So did the divine rights of the kings. Any human power can be resisted and changed by human beings." - Ursula K. Le Guin

#3%#3% netflix #rant #does this make sense #michele santana #Fernando Carvalho #ezequiel #marcela alvarez #marco alvarez #andre santana #elisa #gloria #lais #vitor #tania #natalia #essay #sometimes-petty

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kjmsupremacist · 3 years

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Felix sweet boy baby angel but Christopher Bang is literally Satan? Idk if you saw but Hyunjin ratted him out on live and said the lyrics for Red Light were toned down. I don’t want to know. I don’t. He was already talking about edging and I don’t want to know. He can keep his Scorpio Venus and his Sag Mars away from me and everyone I love. I would give anything to know his rising if sign. It’s giving Earth but there’s so much air in his chart it’s hard to be sure. 🤖

i am so happy you sent me this ask because i have been looking for an excuse to talk about red lights. I sent leon and margot a seven minute long voice message when i was doing my research for my red lights-inspired fic like that's where i'm at.

First, yes, I saw Hyunjin's comments! that's what chris gets for trying to say hyunjin wrote all the lyrics in the first place. nice try, chris. also, his scorpio venus is SEXY. i won't be taking criticism on this opinion.

Now. Please see under the cut if you want to watch me dissect Red Lights -- both the lyrics and the MV.

so, credit where credit's due--I skimmed this and this reddit posts while I was doing my research.

now. we all know that on the surface, this song is about sex (and specifically bondage and edging—that much is clear). but, ah, how's the saying go? "everything is about sex except for sex, which is about power"? sure.

yeah, it's meant to be sexy. they did that for us and im still not sure if I want to kill them for it or thank them with my life. BUT, as they mentioned in the howl in harmony video, it's primarily a song about obsession.

The first reddit post does a great (albeit kind of aggressive) breakdown of the lyrics, where it becomes really clear that they're talking about the relationship they have with their work and the relationship they have with fans. In essence, the song is about how they want to give their lives and all their time to making more content for fans so that they will continue to receive love from us. The red lights are actually the recording light on a camera (hence the line “set the mic up”).

And so a relationship like the one depicted here is dark and intense, and yes—passionate and driven by love—but ultimately, it consumes itself in the vortex of its own desire, and then peters out into a sort of blank monotony—learned through repetition, a habitual reflex instead of a true reaction.

Then, the second reddit post goes on a deep dive of some of the symbolism seen in the MV—specifically, the use of kink. This is where it gets really fun.

We mostly see Hyunjin in shibari-style bondage. OP posits (and I agree) that he is meant to represent passion without discipline. The shibari ropes are tied messily (and so therefore dangerously) which is perfect for representing how often kink (and other obsessions) can devolve—you plunge in headfirst, but you are directionless except for the insistent tug in your gut that cries for more, more.

Chan, on the other hand, is seen primarily (esp in solo scenes) bound by heavy chains. He represents discipline with no passion. In the Howl in Harmony video, I believe he mentions that after a long day of practice, he'll still find himself in the recording studio, even though he's tired. He does what he has to on autopilot, because he knows he must, because it’s the only thing he feels he can do.

If Hyunjin is mania, then Chan is depression. The chains are GREAT symbolism because this dutiful march towards burnout and beyond is, as the lyrics suggest, stemming from a desire to keep receiving love (from fans)—that if you just work hard enough then no one will ever leave you. You wish to bind the person (or people) you love to you, but in the end the bonds only weigh you down.

So then the part where they’re tied together, back to back, at the end, shows when passion and discipline come into balance. And that’s creation for the love of creation while still maintaining a respect for yourself, the art, and your audience. (or idk. maybe they just thought we'd like to see them tied to one another. and they were right).

It's also fun because while we see Hyunjin and Chan both assume positions of domination and submission, it's clear Chan is meant to be the “dominant force” here (hence discipline). The reason we do see instances of Hyunjin in power (choking Chan, standing over him on the table) is because any somewhat healthy d/s relationship involves first the surrender of power. The dom is only perceived to be in power because the sub first relinquishes it them. So. You know.

I will say I'm not sure what to say about the edging theme (BNKSJDF) besides the obvious—almost giving you what you want, but not quite.

And finally, this is not part of either of those two reddit posts, but I was ENTHRALLED by the use of mirror and mirror-esque imagery throughout the MV and in the choreo. I love mirrors as a symbol so we're going to talk about that, too.

First and most obviously, it may be a bit on the nose. In art, mirrors and reflections are often used to show that there is a deeper meaning than what is clear on the surface. So this might have just been hyunchan going "hey! it's not just about sex!"

but I think there's more to it than that. Mirrors are often used as a vessel of truth—in some Chinese myths, for example, mirrors can repel demons, as they will show a demon’s true form. Or see the Little Mermaid—though Ursula managed to change her outward appearance, she was caught in her lie when another character (sebastian, i think?) saw her reflection in the mirror.

Additionally, one’s reflection used to be thought to contain one’s soul—which is why mirrors were covered in the home of person who had just passed, so they would not be trapped as a ghost in the world of the living.

For this reason, mirrors are often also considered dangerous. Think of Narcissus, for a start, who fell in love with his own reflection and sat at the water's edge, pining, until he fucking died. Or consider the following quote (which I love) from Fernando Pessoa:

“Man shouldn’t be able to see his own face – there’s nothing more sinister. Nature gave him the gift of not being able to see it, and of not being able to stare into his own eyes. Only in the water of rivers and ponds could he look at his face. And the very posture he had to assume was symbolic. He had to bend over, stoop down, to commit the ignominy of beholding himself. The inventor of the mirror poisoned the human heart.”

We use mirrors to watch ourselves watching ourselves (and the Margaret Atwood who lives in our heads cries “male fantasies, male fantasies! You are you own voyeur!”). We perform for the mirror—often what we see in the mirror is not actually how we are seen by others! We think we may find truth there, when in reality it is a distortion. Ties itself up really nicely, I think.

In any case, this really goes well with the theme of obsession in the song—staring in the mirror asking, what do others see? What is wrong about me? What can I do better? The idea of looking in the mirror to seek what others see, both positive and negative, is common throughout. And I think their use of mirrored choreo (esp when it seems like one of them is the reflection!!), as well as mirror placement on the set of the mv, and ESPECIALLY the lovely bit at the end where they both stand staring carefully at their own reflections, all work to drive that theme home.

and i don't even know how to touch on all the color symbolism (when it changes between color and b&w?? the palette being overwhelmingly yellow and red and black???), or the lens filters (warping, blurring, etc), or the way they superimposed pieces of the video on top of other pieces, or the use of that one stark white background—without writing a fucking dissertation (and this is already a ridiculously long post) so i'll just stop here.

This is all to say, maybe what they meant was that the lyrics were a lot more aggressive about these themes and they were asked to tone them down to keep it neutral.

or maybe they're just sexy, sexy motherfuckers and their managers bonked them on the head and sent them to horny jail.

#obviously that mirror quote is a little stupid but at the same time i do think it's so real. like so real.#anyway this is very long but I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS.#this is what i was doing a few afternoons ago.... just compiling this.#just... meta hours with xiami #stray kids #bang chan #hyunjin #red lights #mail #🤖 anon

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

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She's Ugly!

In a previous post I briefly touch on the subject of Armando and his belief of love. Here I will be going into more detail on my personal experiences as a writer who has written complex OC's with a very similar nature to that of Armando. I will be talking about some pretty heavy topics here so this is your warning if they make you uncomfortable or trigger you.

As a writer you spend most of your time doing research. You don't really spend it writing as more than 75% of the time is dedicated to researching the entirety of your story and it's characters. That means you research on mental health, social behaviors, addictions, learned behavior, coping mechanisms, ect... to create an authentic and realistic character.

When I was doing research for my OC, based on the past I wrote for them I had to look into the consequences that it carried into adulthood. I had to do a lot of research on coping mechanism and seggs addiction(I write really sad characters um but that's besides the point. Also try explaining your search history when you've got tabs and tabs about centers that deal with that addiction and so on).

[Below this I will talk about Seggsual Addiction and such. if it makes you uncomfortable skip to the next [RED]].

Doing that research I found out that many people who do have that addiction often use it as a form of escapism, control, or due to a lot more severe trauma. Sometimes it's just the feeling you get from that. Some have this addiction because of low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and also because it's something they can control, or at the very least in their denial stage they believe that they can.

Seggs Addiction is when someone cannot function without it. When it becomes a problem in that person's life and ruins friendships, relationships, and their professional life. It can range from content watching to actual action of the addiction. This is a serious problem as it often leaves the people feeling helpless, dirty, lowers the quality of life and they feel a lot of shame due to it and it's something that they need professional help to be able to control and overcome, just like drug addiction.

[Now I will be talking about Armando and why this relates to this breakdown. You may proceed.]

Do I believe Armando has that? Not necessarily. I am not a professional so I cannot diagnose someone with that. I just know a lot about the subject because I had to do research on the topic in the past.

Armando is a complex character. The reason I bring this up is because he does show traits of it. Do his affairs get in the way of his professional life? Somewhat. Does it ruin friendships? Yes. Does it ruin relationships? Yes, mainly his.

We know Armando has had an array of women in his life. He is desired by a lot of women(I seriously do however believe that Mario is a s. addict).

I've thought about this part of his character for a while. I really don't know what Fernando Gaitan researched or what inspired him to write Armando's character so this is really just my own personal speculation and is not a fact of the show.

From the start we are told that Armando is a man with refined taste and high standards for his women. The secretaries tells this to Betty, if I'm not mistaken Marcela mentioned it once, and Mario tells him all the time.

A poster here in the tag made a post about the situation of Mario and Aura Maria and they did a really good job at breaking down this side of Armando; that he doesn't have a refined taste or high standards for women but rather he doesn't like involving himself with women who are not in the same social statues and circles as him because of the abuse of power that it entitles.

When he told Mario he wanted to fire Claudia for being crazy Mario reminded him of what he told him when he wanted Armando to fire Aura Maria and because of that Armando decides not to personally fire Claudia, it wasn't until Marcela asked for her head that he asked Hugo to fire her.

Now let me step away from the story and explain why I have this speculation.

Armando's parents aren't very active in his life. They're only there when it comes to the company or his relationship with Marcela(I already talked about his parents in The Art of Subtly in YSBLF post) now imagine that as you're growing up. That your parents aren't actively in your life unless you're achieving or accomplishing something. We know Armando has a sister that doesn't talk to their parents and is only in contact with him. That their mother possibly ruined her marriage to a man because he was poor. This tells us that his parents aren't the best.

A child who grows up having to overcompensate and over achieve grows up with low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and other problems. They grow up believing that the only way they are worthy of love is by being perfect and they become obsessed with achieving perfection.

Due to this upbringing Armando is a control freak, neurotic, egocentric, and obsessed with perfection. He gets stressed out when things don't go his way. He has grown up in the fashion world and beauty has been fed to him that it is tall, thin, and above all has to be perfect.

A child is a product of their environment.

This has molded Armando into the person he is today.

On top of that Armando basically has his entire life planned out by his parents as a child who grew up hearing about the desire for him to be with Marcela to honor his parents best friends, for the good of the company, ect.

To receive his parents love he must do what his parents tell him, no exceptions. He must be the best at everything so he always aims high. In his proposal to be president he did exactly that.

Ironically Armando too is a people pleaser and feels like he has little to no control over his destiny.

So flings with Models become a form to cope. Though for a long time he enjoys those flings and what it entitles as it makes him feel good about himself, he is able to decide who he has a fling with but then it no longer is that.

My OC's addiction is driven by the desire of feeling wanted and needed. It boost her self-esteem though when it's over with she feels empty and hollow inside and we get a scene of Armando expressing those exact feelings to Mario the night he meets Ms. Colombia.

As they are leaving the cocktail Mario is upset that he[Armando] was leaving because he was so close to closing in on Ms. Colombia being his next conquest and that he couldn't change her for Marcela, who was always going to be there. Armando goes to explain something to him. He tells him that though at first he does get excited over the women and he does want to sleep with them that as soon as it's over he feels nothing anymore, that he doesn't enjoy it anymore.

This is part of a cycle and we see that.

Armando, before Betty, has the idea that if he falls in love it will be with a physically perfect woman who knows where she's standing and the only person that is like that is Marcela. He's got three reasons to marry her: He wanted her vote, his parents, and because she's what is mentioned above.

When Betty is introduce into his life she isn't what he expects in his dream woman. He expects perfection in a physical sense. However Betty has everything he wants in his dream woman in substance and personality.

He knows he likes Betty's personality but because she isn't physically perfect, he believes he isn't interested in her or attracted to her but because he likes her personality so much he believes he's entitled to her which is what drives his jealousy, it is not love.

Armando isn't in love with Betty here or at least not yet.

Betty embodies everything he wants and desires in a woman. She is humble, kind, respectful, unconditional, faithful, smart, like really smart and he likes that about her a lot, submissive and selfless.

However because the package isn't what he thinks is perfect, he cancels out. He denies that he likes her and he denies that he cares about her because of it.

So when Mario suggest for Armando to make Betty fall in love, Armando is apprehensive and disgusted by it.

Let's be honest, Betty isn't ugly! She's adorable! I will fight anyone who disagrees with this. Betty is cute and has always been cute.

I have spoken about Armando's emotional confusion a lot in the past few days but I haven't spoken about the mechanics of the confusion he is dealing with.

Denial is a strong defense mechanism. Subconsciously he has feelings for Betty and is attracted to her because of her personality but consciously he isn't. The mystery of the mind is never ending.

sub·con·scious /səbˈkänSHəs/

adjective of or concerning the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware but which influences one's actions and feelings. "my subconscious fear"

Armando's behavior towards finding out that Betty is in love has been dominated by his subconscious. However when it comes to facing those feelings he enters denial, therefore he cannot fathom the idea of ever being involved with someone so "ugly".

con·scious /ˈkän(t)SHəs/

adjective aware of and responding to one's surroundings; awake.

Armando is aware that Betty isn't his ideal of the type of women he is physically attracted to. He is aware the she isn't the standard of beauty.

Due to this he is refusing to listen to Mario.

Now that we understand this we can continue with the episode breakdown.

After Betty leaves, Armando is upset because Nicolas is the General Manager of Terra Moda(it feeds his paranoia talked about in the Betty, My Betty Part 3 post) .

Once again Armando and Mario switch roles. Armando is now aware of his conscious desires and he's sticking by them. Mario however is aware of Armando's subconscious desires.

Mario tries to level with him. He tells him that they can tell Betty to fire him but Armando rejects that by telling him that he does a good job and that Betty says he's important for Terra Moda, therefore Eco Moda, again this shows that Armando doesn't distrust of them in a professional sense. So they both agree that they shouldn't tell Betty to fire him. Mario first suggested that they reverse the seizure against Eco Moda and Armando goes on to reject that and explain why they can't do that. So Mario tells Armando that they need to think of something because it is a business deal involving them three; Armando, Himself, and Betty.

They agree that asking Betty to fire or take away so much responsibility from Nic could give way to Betty becoming hostile and resentful. Mario tells him that it would also be unfair since she's always been so unconditional with the both, Armando agrees.

We get to divides here. Two sides of the nickel.

Mario's priority and main concern is keeping Eco Moda and Armando as president for what it gives him.

Armando's priority is Betty's love life(Why else would he be so worried about her love life? A normal boss wouldn't care about your love life. Armando knows that Betty is a good and trustworthy employee and he said so himself).

Mario as always watched Armando carefully. The third and best option would have been to simply talk to Betty and be professionals and leave things alone and not doing anything about Betty's love life.

Mario tells Armando "Well the best option is to make Betty fall in love with you."

Armando goes on to say that he would never do that because he doesn't have the desire to and doesn't want to because Betty is ugly(this is why I said what I did above). Mario stops using the fear of losing Eco Moda and goes for the emotional because he knows that it will affect Armando's subconscious that will dominate him like it had been all day long.

"You're the perfect candidate because if it weren't for Nicolas showing up, I could have sworn she was in love with you. No, seriously, look at the way she looks at you, she's always been unconditional with you(he knows this is one of the qualities that Armando likes about Betty as he always lists it). My friend, if there's anyone that is capable of fighting against Nicolas Mora, it's the president of Eco Moda(here he is appealing to Armando's ego)."

What does Mario get out of all of this? Reputation in tact which allows him to continue living his best single life, which he said himself is his most prized possession. So it is important to him that Armando does whatever it takes to keep Betty from doing anything to get a husband(post Betty, My Betty! Part 3).

Fast forward Armando is in Marcela's apartment after the new collection launch and they're fighting because Armando let Betty into the event.

He not only defends his decision of inviting her as his guest but Betty's job and her role in the new collection. Marcela scoffs and they continue to argue.

What captured my attention though is that Armando tells Marcela that she can't be in a competing so absurd with a woman like Betty and shouldn't be in a feminine competition with her.

Armando is now go to the otherside of the room so we get his back as Marcela starts to speak ("You're wrong Armando I don't view her as a woman")and as she says "I am offended that you would think I feel she's a feminine competition-" Armando now looks at her confused.

Either he is confused because he doesn't understand what Marcela is trying to say or once again his subconscious is dominating him here.

The takeaway is that in Armando's mind Betty is a woman, ugly, but a woman nonetheless. He is confused as to why Marcela doesn't view her as a woman but still behaves the way she does.

We again get a classic scene of Betty writing in her diary as we hear her dialogue and get scenes of Armando in Marcela's bed.

We see Armando thinking about what Mario told him earlier that night.

When Mario told him that he would've sworm that Betty was in love with him[Armando] in that scene we didn't really get a reaction from him. He had a poke face but here, as he is thinking about it all he has a different look.

We stop getting a visual flashback, only an auditory one after Mario told him "I could've sworn she was in love with you." and the frame we're getting is Armando's face while laying in bed. He seems hopeful. The exact same expression he had when Betty told him that she didn't have anything with Nicolas.

We hear Mario's voice when he told him "If there's anyone who can fight Nicolas for Betty's love, it's the president of Eco Moda." Armando shifts in bed and covers his face. We then fade to Betty asleep on her bed and get another fade to Armando, this allows us to know that they are about to have another shared dream.

Armando is the mvp of this dream ss the camera focuses on him right away.

He seems happy in this dream as he runs around with Betty in a field with bright green grass and trees. He continues turns to look at Betty or allows Betty to lead him. Then in the dream Betty disappears and Armando is left alone, searching around him with a scared expression on his face until Betty finally appears in front of him. She nears him with her lips slightly puckered and Armando smiles and as well moves in closer until Betty runs away from him again.

The dreams shows us this two more times where Betty runs from him until the final time when Armando finds her and they near for a kiss we then get a real world Armando in bed shaking his head mumbling no, we can assume they are kissing in the dream.

This foretells what is to come. In Betty's eyes this is a good dream but we also know that due to her past Betty is afraid to love again which we're told this by her constant running away from Armando in the dream.

Armando's fear is brought to light in this dream that is of him losing Betty as it reoccurs more than once and each time he goes out to find her. There is times when he does want to kiss her but Betty pulls away and runs and then on the final one he becomes conscious in his dream(yes that happens, it's called lucid dreaming and sometimes it randomly happens).

The fact we kept getting fades from both Armando and Betty sleeping lets us know this was a dream simontainsly happening at the same time and it isn't until after they actually kiss that Armando's conscious starts to wake him up.

Marcela then finishes waking him up in the real world and asks Armando what he was dreaming, he tells her a horrible nightmare.

Again, Armando is aware that he doesn't find Betty to be his ideal perfect woman or the beauty standard. You know, she's "ugly" so having something physical even in a dream is a nightmare to him. The thing to take note of is that he was enjoying the beginning of that dream and it demonstrates his subconscious feelings.

We already Betty loved that dream.

The next morning Marcela mentions that if he doesn't talk about the dream he must secretly want it to come true.

His coping mechanism towards this entire situation has been denial. It protects him from having to face his true feelings and fears. It protects him from something he isn't ready to deal with yet.

He starts choking on his juice and coughing as Marcela watches him.

Marcela telling him this pushes him to face those fears of his, the fear that he does like Betty and that he does care about her more than just his employee however again, he is in denial therefore unable to understand this.

[You know I will write a post about how Aura Maria and Freddy are a parallel of Betty and Armando.]

Neither Betty or Armando talk about their dream to anyone, or at least the real content of said dream, which based on what Marcela insinuated, Armando secretly wants that dream to come true.

This is a fact because later on when Armando has that nightmare of Betty making out with Nicolas inside the new car they got, he tells Marcela about the nightmare or at least some distorted version of it, because he doesn't want that nightmare to come true. This time though he doesn't talk about it.

Betty clarifies the situation between Nicola and her roll in Terra Moda and Armando thanks her for it.

When she goes into her office Armando tells Mario that he's right about making Betty fall in love.

This next scene I already broke down in another post. Armando suggest Mario for the job because he knows that Mario would never fall in love with Betty but at least it would secure the company. However since Mario would never fall in love with Betty that would mean that he wouldn't have competition since you know these two pigs share everything.

Not only that but it would mean that he gets to avoid and deny his feelings without the worry of Nicolas and Betty ending up together and Nicolas turning her against him.

Armando tells Mario that he gets that it's the more logical thing that he[Armando] is the one to make Betty fall in love but that it's not morally correct.

He gets angry as he tells him that he can't do that to her, a woman who has been very special to him, too special towards him. Again this shows that Armando takes notice and likes that Betty treats him the way she does and because of that he doesn't want to hurt her and he knows that she doesn't deserve that.

However Mario then pulls the "your parents will be so disappointed and angry at you if you lose the company. So do you have to decide whether you'll be a rat to your parents or Betty."

As they discuss the sinister plan they solely based the problem in the physicality. As Armando even said himself the only bad thing about the plan was that Betty was ugly. If Betty wasn't ugly Armando wouldn't be afraid to face his feelings therefore be upfront about them.

However because she is it clashes with all his other traits. His ego, vanity, obsession with perfection and the fact he was unable to be in control over who he ends up falling in love with or liking.

I don't know what worse, Armando knowing how selfish the plan is against Betty and still going along with the it for the sake of the company and his unwillingness to admit to his parents that he was wrong or Mario knowing exactly what's going and how to manipulate Armando to do this and not caring about his best friends feelings and the guilt he will carry on as long as Armando remains president for his own greed.

In the next post I will breakdown the scene in which Armando drunkenly confesses somewhat his very confused feelings.

'Til next time :)

Ps. Sorry for all this typos! I'm an insomniac so I usually write these sleep deprived lol.

#armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #beatriz pinzón solano #beatriz pinzon solano #betty la fea #betty ysblf #yo soy betty la fea #mario calderon #marcela valencia #betty pinzón solano

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blindbeta · 4 years

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Hey! I saw the post you answered about echolocation as a way to avoid writing canes, but I was wondering what you think of a character using a cane and echolocation at the same time? For things like knowing how big the room is or if there are large obstacles, get a feeling for the buildings in a street, etc. The cane would be their main mobility aid, along with sighted guides, but echolocation is a tool in their arsenal. Thank you!

Hi nonnie! Thank you for this question. It is a good one. You all come up with good questions. :)

First, here is the post anon is talking about. I would suggest reading the notes as well because some good discussions occurred. Check the notes of this current post as well, because I’m not as familiar with this topic and someone might be able to discuss it from more experience than I can.

I am working on a post about blind tropes I’m tired of, and that aren’t necessarily bad, but potentially bad if used for bad purposes, such as to avoid writing about canes or guide animals fir navigation. And how to possibly do them BETTER. Echolocation is one of the things I want to cover.

Why Do I Dislike the Echolocation Trope?

It’s overused and boring. Can it be done well and in an interesting way? Yes. Do people normally make it interesting? No.

The majority of things I see on echolocation are like “this character is blind and uses echolocation to SEE.” That’s it. That’s the skill the character has. It is also usually used to avoid writing about canes or guides dogs, or used in weird ways, like allowing characters to locate or ‘see’ things they would not be able to see with the echolocation method.

Obviously, you aren’t doing that. You’ve done your research and you understand that canes are important and provide a specific function that echolocation cannot fill. This includes interacting with their environment to map it out and remember it better, using stairs and escalators, feeling cracks or obstacles on the ground, signaling to drivers or other people that you cannot see well (this is essential when crossing the street).

Echolocation is just something people think blind people use regularly and that is not the case. It can be hard to learn and someone would have to already be able to use a cane before learning to use it. It requires good hearing and probably wouldn’t work in a crowded, noisy area. Rain and snow may hinder echolocation as well.

So Echolocation Has No Use?

Not necessarily. I just want to stress the trope is way too common for the extent that it is used in the blind community.

Here are a few ways I know people use active and passive echolocation:

-listening for the amount of echo in a room. A convention hall is going to sound way different from a small classroom. The amount of echo can also tell someone if there are things on the walls (such as posters or shelves with knickknacks) because empty walls sound more echo-y.

-The tap method for white canes. This can be seen as a kind of echolocation, although I think people mostly think of making click sounds. This can give a good idea of your surroundings, although it may not work if there is a lot of noise, and in my opinion, and the tap method can get tiring to use for a long time (although I suppose people who favor it get used to it). I don’t think this method is used all the time though.

What About Toph?

I guess Toph’s thing would be considered echolocation? Yes, I like Toph. Her ability is fun and even common in her world. She just took a tool she had and refined it to her needs. A blind blogger even wrote a post about Toph which you can find here.

Here is the part I find relevant to this discussion:

Also, even in an AU with bending, I think Toph would like the advantage of tapping her cane to create a stronger, more distinct vibration than a small shifting of her weight on her feet. It would have more control.

Where I Would Rather See Echolocation

There are places where I would prefer to see echolocation despite not being jazzed about the trope.

Non-human characters!

- sea creatures/half sea creatures who use echolocation in real life

- mermaids!

- animals or half animal characters who use echolocation in real life

- robots, cyborgs, or other similar characters

I’m okay with these because 1) characters who live in the sea might not be able to use a cane effectively and 2) some animals already have a precedent of being able to use echolocation, thus making them believably able to use it (although if they are able to hold a cane, echolocation should not replace white cane use).

I am also more open to robots and similar characters using echolocation because the techy side of them makes it more believable, especially since in order for it to be useful, it would need to be beyond human levels of echolocation. Which are currently not that great. Canes should also be used, at least in my opinion.

I bring this up because your questions were about echolocation being used “For things like knowing how big the room is or if there are large obstacles, get a feeling for the buildings in a street, etc”. This is an interesting way to think about echolocation, as these things would be out of reach of a cane and a person would certainly want to know about them.

To be honest, I don’t know if real echolocation is this good when done by humans. Thst’s why I suggest non-human characters use it. Also, just because you know the shape and size of something there does not mean you can tell what that object is.

However, I feel like instead of wanting to know about objects so far away, most people want to know about things they can run into that their cane cannot detect. This would include anything that is above the ground.

Sunu Bands and Sonar Canes

If you’re really interested in writing this with a human character, I would suggest researching the SUNU Band. It was co-created by a man with low vision, Fernando Albertorio, which I could only find in one video, which is concerning. For some reason I couldn’t find much about the creators, not that I need info they aren’t comfortable with. I personally feel that it is important to highlight blind inventors.

Here is the video

The creator describes it as providing information where a person turns their wrist in a specific direction. The band can give them an idea about objects or obstacles there. The band has an inside setting (with shorter range) and an outside setting (with longer range). He describes it as being useful for avoiding objects like branches that a cane cannot find, or a sign post a cane might miss.

The Sunu Band website is here.

It describes the Sunu Band as being useful for avoiding injuries to the upper body. I feel this is the most useful part of this kind of tool. While it is good to know how big a room is and where buildings are, I am more concerned with getting hit in the face by a tree branch lol. I have used this device myself and it can be hard to get angles right and understand the vibrations. However, I think it is a good device to have, especially because it can reduce injuries or maybe help you locate something you’re searching for, like a water fountain you know is there.

This type of technology is not meant to replace a cane or a guide dog and is even supposed to be worn on the wrist that isn’t using the cane (probably so you can turn your wrist more easily?)

This cool review pointed out the usefulness of this product when standing in lines because you can know when to move up. The review also has practical demonstrations of using the band indoors. You can watch it here.

Another review by the same channel is also helpful.

The channel also mentions one can distinguish moving objects from stagnant objects by the duration of the vibrations.

There are lots of canes that have similar functions, although I prefer a regular cane. If I’m going to use anything else, it would be a Sunu Band. These laser or sonar canes have, according to my research, been around since the 80s and are still in articles today. However, while I haven’t used one myself, I feel more interested in the apps they come with than the actual cane. I would rather my cane find objects than use this technology to avoid them and I wonder how good the range is, vertically, if the detection comes from a cane. Lastly, I’m sure these are very expensive, sensitive to extreme temperatures, not water proof, and harder to replace than a regular cane. At least, according to a few reviews I found for the WeWalk cane. Although their app sounds extremely useful.

So, if you want to use these for your story, it would probably be more realistic. Unless these or similar devices are what you were talking about, in which case I hope this helps.

If you have more questions or wanted to expand on this question, let me know.

Honestly, I feel out of my depth here. If anyone else wants to talk about their experiences with echolocation or any of the above devices, please share. Honestly, some tropes are a little more specific in how or why they don’t work and how or when they do work. I tried to show that here. As with anything, variety can help. If you feel a bit iffy on whether a trope will work, adding other blind characters with different experiences will do wonders, especially because most of these issues stem from stereotypes or myths.

#blind #accessibility for the blind #echolocation

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tcm · 4 years

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Fighting the Good Fight: Marsha Hunt's Seven Decades of Activism By Kim Luperi

Looking back on an accomplished life, Marsha Hunt’s most prized title was being named "Hollywood’s youngest character actress,” as she joyfully conveyed in the documentary MARSHA HUNT’S SWEET ADVERSITY (2015). Unlike most actors, Hunt actually started her career in lead roles at Paramount in 1935, but she really shined in the wide variety of character parts MGM offered her when she signed with the studio in 1939.

“Whenever there was something hard to cast, they’d say, ‘Give it to Marsha and see what she will do with it,’ which was such a compliment. Stardom was not the idea for me, nor was it my goal,” Hunt told me in 2014.

As MARSHA HUNT’S SWEET ADVERSITY illustrates, the word “character” isn’t only reserved for the 103-year-old actress's movie roles. Hunt's personal integrity was central to her life onscreen and off, as she fought back as a victim of the Hollywood Blacklist and later fueled her passion and energy into activism.

As a liberal-minded American, Hunt found her upstanding character attacked in the late 1940s. Horrified that 19 of her Hollywood colleagues were denied their constitutional rights in front of the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC), she traveled to Washington in 1947 with the Committee for the First Amendment to “defend as best we could the rights and freedoms" of her blacklisted associates. The events in Washington disturbed Hunt and her husband, Robert Presnell Jr. so much that they subsequently lent their talents to the radio program “Hollywood Fights Back,” co-written by Presnell, to denounce the hearings and show their support of free speech in Hollywood.

Hunt’s actions proved controversial at the height of the Red Scare. Upon returning home from a European vacation in the early 1950s, she found that work offers, including several for her own TV show, had disappeared as a result of her name landing in Red Channels, a 1950 pamphlet cataloging alleged Communists and sympathizers in the industry. Ever the fighter, Hunt pushed back against the mistreatment and intimidation; she even wrote to those television networks to salvage the offers, detailing her vast patriotic enterprises and her wartime volunteer service, to no avail.

“Apparently, I could resume working if I apologized, and there was nothing to apologize for,” Hunt said in 2015. “I had done what I felt was needed and was not in the least ashamed of it.”

While Hunt continued to appear sporadically on film, TV and the stage throughout the 1950s and beyond, she turned the harshly imposed career hiatus into an opportunity to focus on other activities. The strong character Hunt demonstrated through her blacklisted period also manifested in another way: activism. After performing in a play in Australia in the mid-1950s, Hunt and her husband hopped around the globe. The journey opened her eyes to the beauty and hardships around the world, leaving Hunt a self-proclaimed “planet patriot” and setting her off on a humanitarian path to help global citizens over the ensuing seven decades.

Hunt’s first stop: the United Nations. Though many stars used their celebrity to promote the war effort, few did so for philanthropic causes in times of peace – but Hunt was one of them. From 1956 to 1983, she remained active in the United Nations Association, utilizing her fame to educate the public about the UN’s global work and serving as president of the San Fernando Valley Chapter. The actress even produced a short documentary to raise awareness and funds for the UN’s World Refugee Year, A CALL FROM THE STARS (’60), featuring friends like Harry Belafonte, Paul Newman and Jean Simmons. She also wrote the song “We’re All One,” which UNICEF translated and distributed to member nations around the world.

For the past several decades, Hunt has focused her attention on hunger and poverty. In addition to bringing innovative fundraising approaches to her work with the American Freedom from Hunger organization, she crafted the concept for “Thankful Giving” in the early 1970s, a Thanksgiving program designed to create awareness and amass funds for world hunger. After seven years of lobbying, the House and Senate officially backed the congressional resolution Hunt wrote, and President Jimmy Carter made “Thankful Giving” the centerpiece of his 1978 Thanksgiving Proclamation. (Sadly, it didn’t catch on.)

Hunt even put her title of honorary Mayor of Sherman Oaks, California, her home since the 1940s, to use from 1983 to 2001, making a difference in her community by forming the Valley Mayor’s Fund for the Homeless, among many other initiatives. Hunt’s extraordinarily inspiring efforts inside and outside Hollywood showcase the actress’s benevolence, perseverance and integrity in the face of adversity.

“I may have disappeared from the limelight in the 1950s, but I didn’t disappear from life,” she told the Los Angeles Daily News in November 2020. “I think I made a difference.” Lucky for us, both her screen performances and altruistic efforts endure.

#Marsha Hunt #activist #female activists #Blacklist #Red scare #United Nations #hunger #socialism #old hollywood #TCM #Turner Classic Movies #Kim Luperi #UNICEF #MGM #Patriot

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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What Halo Infinite’s Cut Credits Scene Could Tell Us About the Sequel’s Story

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains spoilers for Halo Infinite.

YouTuber Gamecheat13 has uploaded a supposedly cut mid-credits scene for Halo Infinite that may tease the next chapter of Halo Infinite‘s story.

Before we dive deeper into that scene and what it could mean, I should mention that you should take all of this information with a grain of salt. While the scene itself appears to be legitimate, it’s currently not clear why it may have been cut from the game. Some fans are already speculating that the scene could be related to Infinite‘s currently missing co-op mode (which we’ll get into in a bit), but it’s also possible that it was cut from the launch version of the game because the Infinite writers simply decided not to use it. As such, there’s still a good chance that nothing will come from all of this.

With that out of the way, here’s the scene in question:

For those who are not able to view it, the very brief scene above shows Fernando Esparza receiving what sounds like a mysterious Morse code message. He calls Chief in and tells him that he’s “not going to believe this.” The ship’s computer then informs the pair that a “UNSC tag” with the designation of “friend” has been detected. For what it’s worth, fans have seemingly discovered that the original Morse code message Esparza received translates to “UNSC TAG DETD.”

Unless you’re willing to buy into the idea that the signal has somehow been hijacked by the Banished and is actually being sent by enemy forces in order to lure our protagonists into a trap, we can safely work off the assumption that Chief and Esparza have just encountered a friendly UNSC vessel. Based on Esparaza’s reaction, it seems like he’s surprised by the source of the signal, which implies that it’s not a signal anyone expected to see this close to Zeta Halo.

So far as that goes, one of the most popular theories at the moment suggests that the signal may actually be coming from the Spirit of Fire: a UNSC ship that harbored the Spartan “Red Team” seen in the Halo Wars series. There are a few plot holes that need to be filled in before we’re able to fully support that idea, but 343 certainly seems interested in folding the events of the Halo Wars games into the “main” Halo saga, and a vocal group of fans has certainly made it clear that they want to see Red Team and Spirit of Fire’ Captain James Cutter interact with Master Chief at some point.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Some fans are also arguing that this signal could be coming from the Arbiter and the Swords of Sangheilios, which could help explain why the computer identifies the signal’s designation as “friend.” After all, if the signal was coming from a “standard” UNSC ship, it would be somewhat odd for them to be assigned such a specific and seemingly redundant designation.

Of course, it’s also possible that this scene is indeed related to Infinite‘s currently missing co-op mode and could be related to the “second player character” who will assist Chief in that mode whenever it is eventually released. That would certainly help explain why this scene was cut from the launch version of the game.

Ultimately, though, nobody is entirely sure what to make of all of this. While we certainly have some theories about where Halo Infinite goes from here, the truth of the matter is that the future of this franchise is more open than ever. As such, be sure to share whatever theories you have about this seemingly cut credits sequence in the comments below.

The post What Halo Infinite’s Cut Credits Scene Could Tell Us About the Sequel’s Story appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3pT5kIP

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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teacup-tai · 4 years

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Top Five of 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

My lovely @the-starryknight thanks for the tag! I’ll tag a few people, but you probably already did it: @ruinsplume @kasjophe @gallifrey1sburning @quicksilvermaid @prolix- @dazedandinked

Right. This year was insane, I got stuck first half of the year in Ireland with only 2 friends close by, all my family in Brazil or Spain while I was writing my bloody master thesis (that is what I’m proudest of this year, but it’s not published yet, so won’t go in this list). I managed a lot of hard emotions in solitude, by myself, while reading drarry fics to keep afloat (great coping mechanism, actually!). And after handing my thesis and moving to Spain, I was feeling deeply empty. So I went back to fic-writing, after 2 or 3 years of not even looking at my old fics.

It all started when I saw the posts for prompt claiming on the @hd-hurtfest blog. To think how that post changed everything in my life is just bizarre. So I am very thankful! It has been a huge pleasure to go back to fic-writing and to re-embrace the HP fandom, mainly the drarry squad! To get to know so many lovely people and I’m forever grateful for that.

Here is my Top Five:

hear me (with your whole body): (Drarry, E, 9k) this is the fic I wrote for the hd-hurtfest 2020. I saw @quicksilvermaid’s prompt and I shivered. It lured me so much I had the whole plot in my head as soon as I finished sending the claim. It was so hard to write it. Because the topic is very sensitive: open relationships, sexual mismatch, bad communication skills. I brought most of my bad experiences in all these sensitive topics as if I was purging it from my body while writing ‘hear me’. It was a very raw process of looking into my own still bleeding wounds, but very cathartic. And it was hard because it was my very first drarry (I love drarry and I normally only read drarry, but I’ve never felt confident enough to write it), so I was very nervous. And in bloody English xD LOL but I’m bloody proud of it. I wanted to write something real without making a show of blaming one of the parts, at the same time I wanted to use and unreliable POV (Harry’s) and to bring forth all those very uncomfortable realities of jealousy, insecurity of one’s sexuality etc. in a way people could relate to. I’ve never imagined the response to this fic would be so nice, and many of the comments drove me to deep reflection. I’m specially happy about this fic because after writing ‘hear me’ something cracked open inside of me, in my own personal-romantic life and also in writing. Like a small miracle. And then, I couldn’t stop writing anymore.

Rebel Rebel: (Sirius/Remus. E, 5k) heh, Wolfstar is my OTP *-* So writing this tiny fic with ‘there was no war’ prompt for the sirius black fest was a bloody delight. The feeling of exploring their youth, in the early 80s and the whole atmosphere of that time was exhilarating! Bowie’s concerts, HIV+ and Aids, queer community and old school crushes. Giving them a future and professions was fun as fuck. But the best part was making Sirius Black fuck around, wild and free, you know. Because he bloody well deserved it. I love the writing style I explored there, very influenced by Caio Fernando Abreu, one of my favourite Brazilian writers and it was just great great fun!

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise: (Drarry + Wolfstar, E, 40k+ WIP) I need to post 3 more chapters along this next few days. I’m adding Dragons here because NEVER. IN. MY. LIFE I thought this story would come out of my head into the pages, and I’m so bloody happy, so bloody proud of myself. I cannot believe how much I’ve written in a month, about a plot that had some path in my head but never a shape, and how this all blossomed inside of me and how it’s coming out just brilliantly. I know I’ll think back at some point and think this and that are not great. But I think this fic is one of my best works, it deals with the queer community, with depression and acceptance, with HIV+ folk, and deep emotions. Everything I’ve ever dreamed of writing. And here it is, and writing it made me manage the fact that I wouldn’t be able to spend this xmas with my family, so I spent this last month with this characters and feeling the opposite of lonely. And to be able to write Harry having a family, you know, being raised by Remus and Sirius is just marvellous. I’m over the moon with wolfstar being great gaydads :D

Scorching: (Pansmione, E, 1.5k) first time I translated a Portuguese fic of mine to English. It was fun to do it, as it’s purely smutty smut and well, I love pansmione and it makes me greedy to go back to writing about this ship. I like how it turned out, but it’s not beta-ed so maybe it’s not great. But damn, I really like this Pansy. ^^

The Old Ways: (Voldemort/Walburga, M, 3k). So, I have a whole word document full of snippets on the Black family. As the Black family is my huge guilty pleasure (that’s why Tainara Black has been my pen name since 2005). I don’t like to think Walburga was only a mad pureblood bigoted woman, I like to think of her as being strongly magical and very sure of herself. Someone three-dimensional with knowledge of Dark magic of the old ways and a deep insanity that comes with legacy of pureness, but also with financial influence and management of old wizarding land. I realised Walburga is only 1 year older than Voldie, she is closest to his age than her husband or brother (if we follow the Balck Family Genealogical Tree), and this sparked a whole idea inside of me. So this fic is a character study of Walburga when Sirius is only 10 and Voldemort is organising a war, and I honestly think is one of my best fics (even though it wasn’t beta-ed). I loved writing about this powerful witch, that got stuck in keeping her bloodline alive, that gave up on great deeds of power and freedom to become a pureblood mother and wife. But it’s the fic no one reads, so I’m adding a bit of it here in hopes it may interest someone:

He climbs the last step of the noisy, rusty, winding stair, his eyes mapping the place in silent wonder. The rooftop is sombre. Rough grey cement floor and dead flower beds in a far corner, big dark clay pots with dead branches and dry bushes scattered around; the only living thing is an imposing carnivorous plant, it’s toothed lips opening and closing sharply around bugs and other insects.

She is right there, in the centre of the chaotic rooftop garden and he thinks the house is in shambles, and so is she. The moon is reflecting its cold brightness over her as if it were a stage light. He takes a second to contemplate her stance. He has never seen her like this before. It is such an incongruous sight it almost feels like he’s intruding. Is not a feeling he’s used to.

She’s perched in a high frail copper chair, her ankles crossed lightly, with pale bare feet against the dirty coarse floor, one white arm falling languidly from the armrest, her elegant fingers holding a thin long smoking pipe. Rings of smoke rising into the night sky. The back of her skull resting on the back of the chair, he can’t see her face from this angle, but he’s stunned by the imagery.

She looks almost mythical; with her long black mane messy and loose, barely touching the ground. He can’t remember when was the last time he’s seen her hair down, but he’s pretty sure it wasn’t that long, nor were there silver strikes colouring it in a mix of salt and pepper.

“How long do you plan to stare?” her voice is as rusty as the whole house and he scoffs.

keep reading

#my writing #my fics #tainara black #top five 2020

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theindiegamereview · 3 years

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Meet the creative team: “Spellstone”

Are you a collectible card game (CCG) fan? If so, read on, because this week we spoke to the makers of Spellstone, a free-to-play (F2P) casual story-based fantasy card game that features vibrant, colourful, hand-drawn art on hundreds of beautiful cards that you can acquire and use in battle, both against the computer and other players!

TIGR: PABLO and DUSTIN are artists who have worked on Spellstone's art, helping create some of the iconic characters Spellstone fans know and love. We asked them how they came to work on the game, as well as what intrigued them about this project.

DUSTIN: I was working as a contract artist when I was asked to create some sample cards for a potential CCG, which is something I'd always wanted to do. The samples I submitted eventually led to me getting a contract to create the initial art for Spellstone. After about four months, I was offered a full-time position. I had such a great experience working with the team that I jumped at the opportunity!

PABLO: Prior to starting work on Spellstone, I remember doing an art piece to test my skills. I greatly enjoyed that because I particularly liked this game's art style - which is actually similar to my own! There were still slight differences though, so I've had to adapt a little. Blending my own personal style into an existing one was challenging. But something that intrigued me about Spellstone was the variety of factions in the game. Each and every one opens up a big array of possibilities when it comes to creating a character. I felt my options were unlimited and I loved it!

TIGR: Spellstone features many different cards and characters. We wanted to know who conceptualises all this, and how much creative licence artists get when crafting a character. FERNANDO, currently the main artist for the game, gave us more insight.

FERNANDO: That Spellstone has such an immense variety of characters means it's a complete and delightful dish for artists. It's hugely gratifying to find such visual diversity with which to play with. You're completely free to create, as long as you respect the game's universe and visual language.

As for the process, the concept of what a card must look like and how it must be functional in terms of gameplay comes from the guys in the game design department. Very creative people... sorcerers maybe? I don't know. Haha!

From a brief but concise description they give me, I can get a sense of what kind of character and action they want to see in a card. Once I have all the information I need to start sketching, my favourite hour finally begins: creative hour!

If the card description involves an existing type of character, like a goblin, part of the fun has to do with the way you depict that character, situation, action and specific emotion. There's also some freedom to create from scratch if needed - that's exciting and challenging! Sometimes the ideas come from a mix of characters, and that's when the laboratory inside my mind starts working: I press a button and something cool, spooky or funny comes out - whatever the game requires. Other times, new concepts require that I look for approximate references of what's needed, so that serves as the starting point. No matter what, it's always a very enjoyable process. Sometimes we have to make corrections, that's true. But as with everything in life, this is necessary for things to work properly. You may have to redraw stuff, but finally the card is done - it works, it delivers and it entertains!

TIGR: In Spellstone, cards can be upgraded from a single to a dual to a quad, and we really like that this sometimes tells a "mini story" of of sorts through the artwork. Some are funny (we just love Honeycomb Lobber!), some cute (Bomb Spirit is soooo adorable when he’s angry!), some uplifting (Aurora Shaver ranks among our favourites), and some, um, a bit disturbing, to be honest (Cleaverstorm Hunter, anyone?!)! And some are just sad - we can't help but feel sorry for the poor li'l forest furries that presumably got devoured by Alphamech Stalker! We asked the team how they came up with ideas for all these tiny narratives, and MELINDA, one of the game designers, told us more.

MELINDA: When I was younger, there were a few creatures in video games that terrified me. One of those I remembered most was Medusa, an air jellyfish from Ecco: The Tides of Time. While traversing through a water pathway in the sky, Medusa would try to pick up Ecco the dolphin and fling him off the path. Tetraspout's concept came from that, and you can even see poor little dolphins getting swept up in its attack!

TIGR: We asked the team if there were any cards they particularly liked creating, or found challenging to conceptualise. IVÁN, a colorist who worked briefly on the game, chipped in, as did TONY and RHADA, two of Spellstone's game designers.

DUSTIN: I loved working on the goblin cards! You could get silly with them. Frogs were a lot of fun too - the variety of colours made them interesting. For me, the water cards were challenging but I grew to love working on them.

PABLO: My favourite characters are Goblins! You can play around with them, making them look funny even when the card is telling a dark story, like a massacre. All of the cards were challenging to create!

IVÁN: I enjoyed working on Hedron The Critical Threat, Zyd The Unhinged, and some awesome Insect cards that have yet to be released (as of the time of this interview). I mostly liked them because of their cool concepts and Fernando's awesome sketches. Hedron in particular was a technical painting challenge, as it has textures, transparencies and glow!

TONY: As something of an artist myself (/sarcasm), the card I am most proud of has to be Dinged Waptor. Or really any of the cards I did for the April Fool's event, which is about the only time the art team lets me anywhere near card art. :) For April Fool's, I decided it would be funny to try my hand at drawing some cards I felt players would enjoy. So the first year I drew some original characters that consisted of a few stick figures, a chicken, and a bomb. The response was good, so the following year I continued the tradition, eventually going through and tracing some famous cards like Winged Raptor. My one rule while making these cards was that I could not erase what I did!

RHADA: We used to sell boxes that contained two new premium cards instead of one. We thought of making both cards in the box thematically linked. At the same time, while brainstorming concepts for dragons, I thought we could try to make cards that formed a bigger picture on the battlefield when placed consecutively, side by side. The initial idea was a serpent whose artwork overflowed into a second card, and after some iteration, we stumbled upon the idea of a dragon dance. The result was very cool!

TIGR: With the Spellstone story campaign recently concluded, we asked what was next in store for Spellstone fans. Would there be anymore new characters and amazing art to look forward to?

TONY: Absolutely! While the main story has come to a close, we still look forward to adding new characters, cards, and art to the game that lets our artists have fun and shows off the world of Spellstone.

TIGR: And finally, the most important question of all: would real-life Spellstone merchandise ever be made available for fans of the game? We really want a plushie of the adorable Bomb Spirit (complete with detachable bombs, perhaps?), as well as his angry counterpart, Firebomb Spirit! Also for Quetee Que and Adorabilis, please! And would there ever be any actual physical Spellstone cards produced for collectors?

TONY: I would personally love to see real-life merchandise, but we currently do not have the means to take on such an endeavour. Maybe one day we can strike a partnership with a team that can make this happen!

We thank the Spellstone team for their time and all the wonderful art assets that accompany this interview! Check out the game here on Kongregate, on Steam, or on mobile - three different ways you can enjoy this fun, cheeky and adorable CCG!

P.S. We just had to include our favourite card: Darkwater Adonis - don’t be fooled by his charms!

#developers

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