#i also got a job as a bookseller which is so fun!

[pageburn]

i haven’t been on here much recently because i’ve honestly just lost a lot of inspiration for my wips and due to changes in my personal life i just haven’t had any time to dedicate to writing properly ☹️

[phoen1xr0se]

New Fic on AO3: Don't Fall Away From Me

Thought I would be brave and post my post S2 fanfic - it's set shortly after the TRAUMATIC events of Season 2 and throws Crowley and Muriel together into an adventure neither of them expected when Aziraphale goes AWOL. Lots of angst, very fluff, a few giggles. Feedback welcome.

Image credit: @mistysblueboxstuff (AMAZING ARTIST)

Don't Fall Away From Me - Chapter One MURIEL

Today is my fortieth day on Earth as a human bookseller. It seemed important to keep records of my time here on Earth - after all, record-keeping is what I do best - and I was inspired by Mr. Fell the traitor the Supreme Archangel's own personal records. I discovered a whole heap of them at the back of the shop on my second day, and although I am unsure who "Diary" is, or what the purpose is of describing how a demon's hair moves in the breeze, I do very much admire dedication to accurate record-keeping. I will be keeping a log of my activities and the things I have learned about humanity.

Here are some of the things I have learned so far:

1 - There isn't much book selling that goes along with the job. Or interacting with humans, really , which is a bit disappointing. Rather, I sit in the shop all day and wait for customers that never come, and read. I like the reading, and I'm used to being alone after millions of years as a scrivener, so it's not all bad.

2 - Books are brilliant! They hold so much information, and somehow make you feel as if you are another person for a little while. I am learning so much about humanity by reading all their funny little stories. I still haven't quite figured out why humans do it, create wild stories and put them in print, but it's jolly good fun.

3 - Maggie (a human) is very kind. She comes in every morning and asks me if I want anything from the coffee shop. I always say no, of course, but she comes by anyway. She is always helping me to understand things better.

4 - Nina (another human) seems less kind but is actually nice. There is a human saying that says "don't judge a book by its cover" and I discovered that it doesn't actually describe books, but people who behave differently than their appearance might suggest. Isn't that funny? But it is a good description of Nina. Nina doesn't speak to me much but did give a bag of clothes to Maggie to pass on to me, which was super kind of her. After all, my human police officer outfit was no longer suitable, and I was a little unsure about miracleing myself a new outfit in case I got it wrong. As it turned out, apparently putting on every item in the bag was also a mistake, but Maggie helped me to fix it.

5 - Every night at sundown, a large black car drives slowly past the bookshop. I always try and wave to Mr Crowley but he doesn't seem to see me, which is odd as I believe he used to spend a lot of time here. This behaviour seems suspicious, especially for a former demon, which is why I am noting it.

Muriel closed the leather-bound journal with a satisfying clap and looked around the bookshop. The sky was darkening outside, and as if by magic, the flickering low-level lighting around the bookshop sputtered into life, casting Muriel and the books into a warm yellow glow.

"Three, two, one..." whispered Muriel, and, just as expected, they heard the low growl of an engine approaching. A black Bentley pulled into view, going as slowly as a car could. As always, Muriel approached the window and waved cheerily. From behind the wheel, the driver gave no indiciation that he had seen Muriel's wave - his face was set like stone and kept on driving, out of sight.

Across the road, Muriel saw that Maggie and Nina had also been following the car's movements from the coffee shop. They were exchanging words. Maggie shook her head and Nina's eyes met Muriel's. She raised her hand in a wave. Muriel went to wave back when they realised that Nina was actually waving at them to come over.

Muriel froze, flustered. They hadn't actually left the bookshop since being appointed to be its protector - they took the responsibility of protecting the Supreme Archangel's personal property very seriously indeed. But why shouldn't they venture out and interact with these humans? After all, they had been so excited to get out of the office and onto Earth, why waste an opportunity? It would look more suspicious to avoid them, Muriel decided, so they left the shop and crossed the street, smiling brightly at the two women.

"Hello Muriel," said Maggie, smiling. "I like your outfit today. Very... bright."

Muriel looked down at their choices for today, green knee length socks, a yellow corduroy skirt, a sparkly purple belt and a rainbow poncho. "Thanks! I love how much colour you... we... humans have to choose from. Colours are the best."

Nina and Maggie exchanged a look. "Hey, come inside for a coffee," said Nina. "We need to talk."

Muriel's face flickered with panic at being offered a beverage, but Maggie gently touched their arm. "It's alright, Muriel, you don't need to drink anything if you don't want to. It's just what... we... humans say sometimes as an excuse to sit and chat."

Muriel beamed. "Oh, well, of course, I knew that."

Muriel followed Maggie and Nina into Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death, and let their eyes wander over the brightly painted walls. Sometimes it felt like their eyes couldn't take it all in, all the colour, all the EVERYTHING, everywhere. It was so vastly different from the infinite, empty whiteness they had been accustomed to in Heaven.

"Right," said Nina, after making two coffees and sitting down at a table in the empty cafe, "we need to talk about our friend Mr Crowley."

Muriel flinched. "He is not MY friend, I barely even know him. I mean, I arrested him once, but not really... and he's a de- de-" Muriel faltered, trying to think of a cover for her mistake.

"A... demon?" suggested Maggie softly.

Muriel let out a very unconvincing laugh. "A... what? A... no, don't be so... I mean, what are you... we humans don't believe in... in..." Their eyes flicked between Maggie and Nina wildly.

"It's okay, you don't have to lie," said Nina with a wry smile. "We may be human but we're not stupid. We know about Heaven and Hell and all you... lot," she finished lamely. "I mean I can't even believe that these words are coming out of my mouth, but here we are. I'm having coffee with an angel! I mean, I'm assuming you are, anyway - you don't strike me as the demon type."

Maggie smiled at Nina whilst Muriel struggled to find a reply. On the one hand, they were meant to be inhabiting Earth discreetly and it was entirely possible that they could get into a lot of trouble for having their identity revealed. But on the other, it would be so nice not to have to lie anymore... and Maggie and Nina had been so very kind to them so far.

"You don't need to worry, Muriel, we're not trying to cause trouble for you. I rather think we may have done too much of that already," said Maggie, her blue eyes clouded with worry. "Do you know what happened between Mr Fell and Mr Crowley on that day?"

Maggie didn't need to remind anybody which day she meant. Muriel shook their head. "No. Crowley said that he wanted them to have some "us" time at the Ritz, whatever that is, and then Azira... uh, Mr Fell, came in to tell him about his big promotion."

"Promotion?"

"Yes!" Muriel beamed, remembering. "You see, he was talking to the Metatron - that's the voice of God, you know - and he was offered the job of Supreme Archangel! Since, you know, Gabriel decided to go off with..." Muriel trailed off. They found the whole thing rather puzzling still. "So that's why I am here now, looking after the bookshop, and Az... I mean, Mr Fell, is, you know..." they pointed upwards. "Up there."

Maggie and Nina exchanged dark looks. "So... he left, then. And... how did Mr Crowley take this news?" asked Maggie. "After all, it seemed as though they had known each other for quite some time. Was he... okay?"

Muriel shrugged their shoulders. "I don't know. Apparently Metatron had told Mr Fell that he could restore Crowley into an angel and return to Heaven... but I don't see how that could have worked, after everything he's done. I mean, he is a demon, after all. I don't really see how any of this works. Mr Fell isn't exactly the first person I should think of when I think of a Supreme Archangel. I mean, he spends time with demons and humans, and... ingesting things..." Their eyes rested on the half-drunk coffee cups on the table and wrinkled their nose.

All three of them were silent for a moment.

"Well we know Mr Crowley didn't take him up on that offer, and we know that he's been coming by here every night since," said Nina matter-of-factly. "I think we can probably assume the poor man is heartbroken." Maggie nodded sadly in agreement.

"What... what do you mean?" questioned Muriel, looking quizzically at Nina.

"You know, Mr Fell and that Crowley. They're in love. We were trying to help them work it out so they'd stop hopping around the issue, but I feel like we were probably too late."

Muriel's eyes were wide as saucers. "In... love?"

Muriel felt a strange feeling pass through their body. They had read lots about love already, and not the celestial peaceful kind of love but the human kind - complicated, confusing emotional love - to Muriel, it all seemed a bit far-fetched but humans seemed to be totally mad about it! They'd read dozens of stories where humans did all kinds of incredible, unthinkable and unexpected things, and all for this very abstract concept of love. With a sudden sinking feeling, they recalled how many passages of Aziraphale's journal were devoted to describing the demon Crowley in painstaking detail. The description of his flame-red hair being tousled by a sea breeze and how the light would catch his shining yellow eyes. They recalled seeing Crowley drape across an armchair with barely an inch between him and Aziraphale. The way Crowley had called Aziraphale "angel" without a hint of irony. The way Crowley now stayed so close to the bookshop once owned by Aziraphale but refused to look directly at it.

Blinking, they looked over at Maggie and Nina, who had fallen into bickering over whether or not they had helped or hindered the couple, blithely unaware of the revelation Muriel was experiencing.

"I... need to get back to the bookshop now," said Muriel, standing up abruptly. "Thank you for inviting me for the 'coffee and chat'."

"Oh, okay... I also wanted to let you know that it's the monthly Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeepers Association Meeting tomorrow evening, I've had my arm twisted into holding it here. You'll come?" said Nina.

"It'll be a nice opportunity to meet some of the other traders," said Maggie with a reassuring smile. "If you're going to be sticking around a while, it'll be good for you to get to know the neighbourhood properly. And we'll be there in case you..." she paused briefly, "I mean, to help you if you need it."

"Er, yes, if that's what a human bookseller does then I will be there," said Muriel, pasting on a smile that didn't quite reach their eyes. They thanked Nina and Maggie again and returned to the bookshop, locking the door behind them and making their way to the small bedroom, the soft yellow lights extinguishing themselves as they walked by.

Muriel had taken over the bedroom that had been formerly occupied by Gabriel the amnesiac Archangel, and a small miracle had seen the tiny room turn a vibrant shade of lavender, and pictures of random things that Muriel had drawn lined the walls above their bed. Muriel changed into an oversized Back To The Future T-Shirt and climbed into bed. They had no need to sleep, but they had begun to spend their nights lying in bed reading and feigning sleep to keep up appearances. Tonight, though, Muriel's mind was whirring with brand new information, and they weren't sure that they would be able to concentrate on the unfinished copy of Persuasion on their bedside table.

After a few minutes of staring blankly at the ceiling, Muriel got up from bed and crept back into the bookshop. From Aziraphale's desk, they picked up a book bound in green leather and padded quietly back to bed. They held the book carefully in their hands and, despite having already skimmed through some of it, somehow realised that reading it this time would be quite different. What Nina and Maggie had unintentionally revealed to them, they knew, deep down, somehow changed... everything.

Taking a deep breath, Muriel opened the first page and began to read, and for the first time, also understood.

[booksandchainmail]

Lodestar (not a hugo) Finalists 2024

Impressions and loose rankings of the best children's/YA finalists for 2024. Note that I didn't read Promises Stronger than Darkness, since I didn't like the first book or finish the second book in that trilogy

To Shape a Dragon's Breath, by Moniquill Blackgoose. This was one of my favorite books last year and one my nominees for the Lodestar, and having read the other finalists still my top choice. I'm just going to copy my response from this end of year post: This book was so perfectly targeted to me, I'm a sucker for books where people raise dragons. And the worldbuilding! Such an interesting alt-history, and such a fun magic system that is mostly actual chemistry/physics. This is one where I also got really really invested in the side characters, Theod's arc in particular hit me really hard. But it's also great to have a book (not even a super long book!) where I can say things like "I'm interested in the main character's older brother's girlfriends plotline about inventing long-range airships", and have that level of engagement across a wide cast. Also, this book has the perfect title in ways that become clear partway through.

Liberty's Daughter, by Naomi Kritzer. Remember that article about libertarians going to "seastead" on a cruise ship, and how bad it was? This book is dystopian scifi set in a world where they pulled it off. I think it does a good job of a main character whose been raised with libertarian ideals broadening her perpective, and I have to give props to any book that makes the dashing rebel group in a YA dystopia literally the IWW. More books should contain the line "the Wobblies are here". I think it also does a good job of treading a fine line between "why is this kid in danger" while not stripping agency from her: a lot of tension in the later parts of the book comes from responsible adults not wanting Beck in danger, and then because of it infantilizing her and her pushing back to be respected in her home and vocation

Unraveller, by Frances Hardinge. Just finished this the other day, an excellent fantasy novel. I particularly appreciate the push-and-pull between the two POVs, and how this is a teen novel with a male and female protagonist and there is absolutely no romance. Very nice fairy tale/fae vibes, riffing on general feeling rather than adapting a specific story, which is always a trick to pull off. Nettle's backstory in particular feels like she could be a retelling of an existing story, but I'm pretty sure it's original (though pulling inspiration clearly).

The Sinister Booksellers of Bath, by Garth Nix. I read this when it came out, so my memories aren't strong. I remember being disappointed: I don't know if it's just that I'm older, but the newer Garth Nix books have not lived up to his reputation. I like the lead characters, but I didn't have any particular reaction to the books as a whole. I will say I find it amusing that this is sold as YA despite the protagonist being a university student. This could easily be swapped with the one below.

Abeni's Song, by P. Djeli Clark. I think this book is suffering largely from how broad a category the lodestars are. The other nominees I ranked are all books aimed at older teenagers with crossover appeal for adults, whereas this book is middle grade. It's hard for me to judge, because I feel like I would have liked this book if I was the target age! But it's hard to judge a hypothetical "would I have liked this at nine" versus "I like this now". I think the book should have spent more time on the adventure section rather than the living with a witch section, but probably the rest of the series will even that out.

[jazzythursday]

Hi!

Your writing is so beautiful! Your characterizations of Wylan and Jesper are incredible in your oneshots and especially in Everyday, Just a Little or a Little Bit. Seriously, I think about that fic all the time. It's perfect. Sweet and angsty, domestic and wholesome. Are you interested in writing more for Wesper? Do you have any more ideas or WIPs that you'd like to write?

-sixofcrowdaydreams

I’m crying? This is incredibly sweet thank you so much 🥹💖

Wesper and the crows literally got me through the last year and are still my main source of serotonin atm so I promise I’m not even close to done writing about them yet!

I also think about Everyday… every day lol, I really do. I have a handful of offshoots and bonus scenes from that fic I still want to write/finish (Jesper’s pov of a few moments, his talk with Nina after Wylan leaves in ch3, so much with the bookseller from ch1 etc), along with a few wips and a giant list of ideas I haven’t even started.

Currently I’m working on my gift for an exchange we have going over on the @i-can-read-to-him server (which is becoming both incredibly stressful but also so so exciting with every scene I write) I wish I could talk about it but it’s a surprise™️ for the moment. It will hopefully be ready to start posting next week!

Until then, here's a snippet from one of the bonus scenes in Everyday. It's from the part in ch2 where Jesper comes back to the Slat after being jumped by debt collectors. (Fun fact: the original scene was supposed to be this version, but when I actually went to write it it was feeling too clunky with the rest of the chapter, so I changed it to the posted version)

Wylan wakes up alone one morning. 

He knows, immediately, that something is wrong. The only disturbance of the covers has been made by himself; the other side of the bed is untouched, except for where his hand had landed on Jesper's pillow during the night. The rest is left unruffled and empty.

He hadn’t come back.  Jesper had been sent on a job the night before that hadn’t needed a demo man. Wylan told him he’d wait up, and Jesper told him he didn’t need to. Wylan had planned to wait up anyway. 

Apparently, it hadn’t worked. Wylan does not remember falling asleep, and yet it’s undeniably morning now. Still early enough that the sun isn’t quite peeking through the curtains, but he can tell it will soon.

He tries not to get worked up. He gets worked up anyway. No matter how much he tries to rationalise it, there is a deep pit growing in his stomach, convincing him that something is very wrong. He gets out of bed and leaves the room. He doesn’t bother with boots, just creeps down the hall in his socks.  It doesn’t take long to hear voices. They filter out from Kaz’s office, freezing Wylan in place.  “You still might need a medik,” he hears—Nina’s voice. She sounds tired. “How many times do I have to tell you two I wasn’t trained for proper healing?” 

“You're doing fine.” Jesper. Jesper’s voice. He sounds… dim is the only way Wylan can think to describe it. Tinny. Like the rich, mellow timbre of his words have been syphoned off into something thinner. He coughs wetly. “Gold stars all around Neens, really.” 

“I’m not above knocking you out, you know,” Nina says, but even without being in the room he can tell there’s no real threat in it. It’s soft, fond, and concerned.

Wylan’s heart feels like it’s detached from his chest. Like it’s somewhere else entirely, and wherever that is, someones squeezing it very tightly. He walks closer, almost hovering outside the threshold. He places a hand on the knob. 

It’s been a very long time since Wylan has felt out of place with the Crows, but as he opens the office door, he cannot help but feel—not unwelcome, but uninvited, and left out of the loop.

Unnecessary, his mind supplies, and he tries very, very hard not to give it a chance to amend, worthless. 

He balls up the cuffs of his shirt—it’s one of Jesper’s, though Wylan can’t remember when he’d taken it up as his own. Long enough that it doesn’t smell like Jesper anymore, just Wylan, which is a tragedy—and casts a look around the room, feeling awkward and out of place and comparatively underdressed in only his sleep clothes and socks. 

Kaz looks as he always does, except worse. His hair is falling uncharacteristically messy over his face. He turns sharply from where he’d been facing the window when Wylan enters, eyes even darker than usual.

Nina looks worried, a deep weighty frown on her face as her hands press against Jesper’s abdomen. 

And Jesper looks— 

“What happened?” Wylan balks.  Everyone is staring at him now, and Wylan hates it, hates this, but it all pales in comparison to the awful feeling tearing itself through his chest at the sight of Jesper, Jesper’s face—

“Jes—” Wylan’s voice breaks.  

“I’m fine,” Jesper assures quickly. Nina scoffs. She takes her hands away from Jesper’s stomach to cross them over her chest. “I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine!”

“You’ll be fine when I say you’ll be fine,” Nina mutters.  

Jesper tries to smile at Wylan, tries to give him a surreptitious thumbs up with the hand farthest from Nina, tries to wink of all things. It doesn’t make Wylan feel any better. It also looks like it hurts, because both Jesper’s eyes are puffy and red, and the side of his face sports an angry mark that’s still bleeding sluggishly from his eyebrow. His jaw looks sort of swollen too, and he grimaces at his own smile, so it must hurt.

Looking at it makes Wylan want to cry, so instead he looks at Kaz. 

“What happened?” he asks again, very quietly. 

“Debt collectors. And an idiot.”

“Kaz!” Jesper protests. Kaz shoots him a glare that pierces slightly duller than usual, which makes Wylan worry even more. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Jesper tries again. 

Wylan doesn’t respond. He keeps looking at Kaz. 

Kaz sighs. He sweeps his hair back in its usual style and pushes up from the window. “He’ll be fine. It’s not good, but nothing with debt collectors ever is. I’m working on it.”

This ask was such a lovely thing to read on a very tough day, so again, ty 🥰

[therainbowfishy]

100 Things That Made My Year 2022

Austin Kleon’s 100 Things That Made My Year lists, which inspired this one.

That it finally felt like an actual year and not like I’ve been sitting, unmoving, in the same chair like it had for the past two years. Starting to feel more like myself again. 

Starting a new job, this time in small publishing at Hub City Press, on a small but mighty team. Can’t believe I applied for the job about 15 minutes before the application window closed…a good reminder to not procrastinate and just do the thing. 

Learning more about small presses and independent publishers. (If you so happen to need a decentralize publishing t-shirt…) 

Bookshop cat, Zora, and illustrating postcards and even a tote with her on it

Keeping in touch with my bookseller friends from Avid Bookshop…

Including a visit from my bookseller friend Elizabeth in October and having what felt like a sixth grade sleepover weekend (eating snacks in a cemetery, wandering around on foot, hanging out in the kitchen, watching cartoons, talking good nonsense) and hunting the giant skeletons of Spartanburg.  

And taking the Amtrak to Atlanta (the stations in Spartanburg and Atlanta reminded me a lot of the one in Poughkeepsie with the wooden benches; I love a fall train ride)

to go to another bookseller friend’s wedding! It was exclusively fun and games with a magical forest ceremony. I also got to eat the best rectangular potatoes I’ve maybe ever eaten.

My new apartment. Very grateful for my parents’ help with the entire terrible moving process and the delirious roadtrip to get here. Also for the lamps they bought me for Christmas. (Also my entire life and livelihood, just basic things.) Getting out of Florida!! Filling up my space with art and books and snacks. Sitting with the backdoor open and reading when the weather is nice. Having a dishwasher, a laundry room in the basement, and windows that actually face the sun. 

Space & calmness

Living next to the library and being able to walk to work.  Libraries and living across the street from one.

Biking around town, especially down the rail trail. 

The y’all giraffe. The yellow ginkgo leaves. The clouds reflected in the distorted mirrors on top of the fire station. Corporate Denny’s park. The creepy little art park and its riddles. The best-stocked little free library that tells you how far the actual library is. The trains in every direction.

My surprise, last-minute New York trip earlier this year, where I got to see old friends in person again. Visiting familiar places; new and old bookshops (Yu & Me Books! Terrace Books! Codex! McNally Jackson!); bagels; Mitsuwa in Fort Lee; snow in late March; walking and wandering. 

Tofu Takes Time coming out in April and the incredible virtual launch party at Avid Bookshop!

WOODEN OVERCOATS!!!!!!!!! Becoming completely obsessed (making fanart, joining a discord server levels…) with this charmingly dark British comedy about rival funeral homes. Listening to the last season as it came out and streaming the liveshows. 

Subsequently diving into the wacky, imaginative world of audio drama. Some highlights: Wolf 359. The Axe & Crown. Life with Leo(h). (Please send more recommendations.)

Other podcasts: Books Unbound. Dear Hank and John. SciShow Tangents. The annual episode of Home Cooking. Houseguest interviews.

North Carolina Thanksgiving with family and dogs in pajamas

Going wedding dress shopping with my sister :-O

Dori dog, always

Launching a new online art shop (and finally being free of Etsy!) Paper JAM Studios with friends

Tabling at the local art pop-up at Pharmacy Coffee and meeting creative people

TV: Better Things. Ted Lasso. Dickinson, season 3. Only Murders in the Building, season 2. Never Have I Ever, season 3. The Owl House. Abbott Elementary. Anything  Goes on PBS. Rewatching Bee and Puppycat. A little bit of Doctor Who because of this interview with David K. Barnes, head writer of Wooden Overcoats. 

Going to the movies with my parents to see Everything Everywhere All at Once, The Bob’s Burgers Movie, and Downton Abbey: A New Era.

Keeping up my Duolingo streak (day 962 as I type this)...still gamifying French, but also starting Mandarin again because I always disappoint desperate Chinese tourists in transportation hubs.

Cooking. Notably pan-fried scallion steamed buns, accordion potatoes, and shrimp toast

Soup! Finally finding this recipe and figuring out how to make this zucchini soup that my host family made a bunch in France. Trader Joe’s corn poblano chowder. Various potato soups.

Receiving potato gifts this year: a potato cookbooklet, potato-shaped soap (a gift from a previous year, but I’m finally using it), and a straight up bag of red potatoes 

Giving my dad and sister personalized book subscriptions for Christmas where I send them each a book based on their tastes every other month. My dad is a voracious, eclectic, and picky reader and my sister’s tastes are pretty different than mine, so it’s going to be an interesting challenge! 

Speaking of books…I got more into poetry this year: The Hurting Kind by Ada Limón, When I Grow Up I Want to be a List of Further Possibilities by Chen Chen, and Cleave by Tiana Nobile became instant favorites. Watched the livestream of Ada Limón’s U.S. Poet Laureate inauguration and enjoyed hearing her read her work aloud. 

Enjoyed a lot of graphic novels/memoirs: Landings by Arwen Donahue. Ducks by Kate Beaton. Scout is Not a Band Kid by Jade Armstrong. Mamo by Sas Milledge. Cyclopedia Exotica by Aminder Dhaliwal. 

Stayed true to my kid lit sensibilities. Favorite picture books: Mina by Matthew Forsythe. If You Were a City by Kyo Maclear and illustrated by Francesca Sanna. Mac Barnett’s and Jon Klassen’s hilarious, genius retelling of The Three Billy Goats Gruff. 

Favorite Middle Grade: Hither & Nigh by Ellen Potter.

Favorite YA: The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes. The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan. 

And fairytales. Happily by Sabrina Orah Mark contains the most creative fairytale analysis mixed with memoir writing about these stories deep in our bones. Another upcoming release that I read early: Kelly Link’s latest collection of short stories, White Cat, Black Dog. My favorite stories in the collection are “The White Cat’s Divorce”, “The Lady and the Fox”, and “Skinder’s Veil.” Did you also know she runs a bookshop with her husband, Gavin J. Grant, Book Moon, where you can join the Moonlight Club? She also occasionally co-edits the zine Lady Churchill’s Rosebud Wristlet at Small Beer Press. If there’s a magic potion for it, I’d like to be Kelly Link when I grow up. 

Reading the Moomin comics during the summer and learning more about Tove Jansson’s life

Rereading the Olivia Kidney books

Enchanted Lion Books and their latest imprint-in-progress, Unruly

My epic pre-move flip flop tan and my closet consisting of 3 gray shirts (a button down, a sweater, and a sweatshirt–good for all occasions when I had to change out of my daily  uniform of gym shorts and tie dyed t-shirts)

Going through old stuff in my room while packing to move out. My neon orange PayDay wallet with the following inside: my Des Plaines Public Library card, a pool pass, a ticket to visit the Colosseum, 3 Disney World key cards, a National Jr.  Honor Society membership card, a name meaning prayer card, a Blockbuster receipt, a Borders gift card, a Books-A-Million discount card, two $2 bills, and my old Food Bazaar card from Queens. Drawings from elementary school, mostly of girls, princesses, horses, and Golden Retrievers. A friendship checkbook. My tiny retainer from fifth grade. Non-roll crayons. 

Flipping through journal entries from the same date, years ago

Listening to more music this year

Lady Lamb!! Her lyrics are like poetry--visceral and crammed full of haunting imagery. Her song structures are also unconventional, going from melancholic to upbeat and back again. Favorites: Crane Your Neck, Regarding Ascending the Staircase, Hair to the Ferris Wheel, Vena Cava, Billions of Eyes, Even in the Tremor, The Nothing Part II, Milkduds, We’ve Got a Good Thing Going On, Rooftop, Dear Arkansas Daughter.

Ezra Furman, particularly: Restless Year (for first half of the year) and Watch You Go By (second half)

Also these songs

Looking at the sky

My New York plant Alex is miraculously still alive!

Slow mornings with no technology. Breakfast with coffee and crossword puzzles. 

Karlotta Freir’s illustrations were SO. GOOD. this year, and she was also so generous in providing art resources, advice, and community. 

Making collages

Of art that I made this year, these are my favorites: Skunk. Bat. Daydreamer

Animal Adventures Week

Making more comics, like this journal comic, this script-based one, and this lyric-based one.  

Banana Pocky sticks

Eating strawberries all summer long after having been a lifelong strawberry hater 

Strawberry banana smoothies

Practicing ukulele again

Zoom Ballet

This ABT and Nationale Opera & Ballet gargouillade showdown cracked me up.

Getting an Edible Arrangement with chocolate dipped pineapple flowers for my birthday

Kelli Anderson’s kinetic paper sculptures

Substacks, blogs, and newsletters: Robin Sloan. Rebecca Green (Her Patreon is an incredible illustration resource, especially if you’re working on picture books). Magali Franov. Slow Motion Multitasking by Julia Pott. Slowpoke by Carson Ellis (especially the Butter & Egg Parade post and the Egg Sisters series). Comfort Soup by Dasha Tolstikova.  

Playing phone puzzle games: Tile Snap. Boo! Water Sort. 

Revisiting The Enchanted Bookshop comic for Inktober/Spooptober and making a Goodnight Moon parody

Doing JaNoWriMo (NaNoWriMo, but in January, when it’s less hectic) with my writing group at the beginning of the year and writing the beginnings to a lot of fun, weird short stories (2022 was about starting things or muddling through the middle, and I hope 2023 will be about finishing them). 

Also writing a few abecedarian microstories

Reading picture books over video calls to writing group

Creative projects, especially ones in collaboration with friends

Starting new art and writing projects

Thinking about bookshop astrology (more on this later) 

Remembering more of my dreams

YouTube: TwoSetViolin, This Savannah Brown video, Jessica Richburg yoga. Leena Norms, Honeybunch of Onion Tops, Simone Giertz, Furry Little Peach, Rosianna Halse Rojas, Marion Honey, Megan Wang, AnswerinProgress, ItsRadishTime, Leigh Ellexson, Frannerd, Ariel Bissett’s DIY home renovation 

This short film

Walking around Falls Park with Sarah and Kevin in Greenville

Cutting my own hair a bunch of times and then letting it grow really long again

Art Patreon: Frannerd, Rebecca Green, Jamie Green 

Daily 11am coffee break walk

Finishing a sketchbook and starting a new one. Getting new art supplies like caran d’ache crayons and colorful inks.

Painting with an underlayer of ink, and then using gouache and colored pencil

Lost my aunt this year (she was an ex-nun and still really sharp even at 90 years old), but she got to see my finished picture book, and I’m grateful that I had a nice phone call with her in the spring. 

Making jiaozi with my parents for Lunar New Year and with Dad and Sarah on Christmas Eve

Tumblr continuing to be tumblr and Daily Dracula (in theory, not in practice cause I can’t read my emails that consistently, but what a great concept) and the endless stream of art, animation, poems, and weird bits of information

Continuing to avoid covid *knock on wood*

Keeping in touch with faraway friendships thanks to phone calls, letters, texts, and FaceTime

Voice notes with Kandace and Natalie

Hearing updates from friends and seeing them make big moves (Getting book deals! Getting promotions! Getting engaged! Getting married! Having kids! Buying houses! Quitting their jobs! Moving! Reevaluating what they want! Realizing there’s no one right way to live your life!)

Monthly video calls with my publishing mentor/friend who doesn’t work in publishing anymore

Spicy hot chocolate and peppermint Christmas lattes.

My dad texting videos and pictures from around Edward Gorey’s house/museum to me while he was on a business trip to Cape Cod

Running around the office as a sheet ghost

Being around people who say funny things and writing down quotes again

Going on a quest to find the kudzu-eating goats

Crispy tofu from Monsoon

Jalapeño Cheetos popcorn

Being out of high school for 10 years now and thinking about what I’ve done and made and where I lived and how I’ve changed and grown in that decade

Getting a surprise care package from Avid with intriguing ARCs and a bookmarked essay in an issue of the New Yorker about Margaret Wise Brown 

Enjoying (mild) seasons again

Feeling a lot better now than when I started the year

[hannigramficrecs]

Newly Added Fics 5/16

Hello everyone, sorry again for the slight hiatus! I’ve replied to all the messages in my inbox (at least the ones that were sent to me before this past friday), so if you asked me something before that, be sure to check out my replies!

As usual, I’ve emboldened the fics I really liked and italicized the ones that are incomplete.

Looks Like Love by luvkurai [words: 5,987] — (AU)

After his sister's wedding, Will kisses his childhood housekeeper (and first love).

Betrothed by slashyrogue [words: 3,932] — (AU)

In one month he would marry a total stranger.

Titan Arum by ProxyOne [words: 64,614] — (AU)

Will is a botanist, working in the greenhouse of the local Botanical Gardens. He is getting his life back on track after his divorce, but he can't help but notice someone who keeps coming back to his greenhouse to draw, day after day. A man who seems to have been paying very close attention to him...

Find Me In The Dark by Rising_Phoenix [words: 40,131] — (AU)

After a fateful accident, the marriage of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter has reached its end. Grief and the inability to stop them from falling apart has brought an irreconcilable distance between the formerly deeply devoted couple. While Hannibal is apathetic towards his husband, ignores him, and is withdrawn, Will has started an affair with fellow teacher Francis and drowns his desperation in more and more alcohol. 

Light of All Lights by whiskeyandspite [words: 20,377] — (AU)

Dracula-like fic without any of the vampires

The Stage Just For You by CarnivalMirai [words: 6,494] — (AU + Age Gap)

Will has landed himself the role of Odette for world-famous choreographer Hannibal Lecter's rendition of The Swan Lake.

There Will Be Bells by Entropyrose [words: 36,639] — (A/B/O)

In Georgian England, male omegas are very rare diamonds. Baron and Baroness Graham have a plan to build their wealth and social status by offering their son Will's hand in marriage to a mysterious older Duke, an Alpha named Lord Hannibal Lecter. Will's personal feelings need not apply.

Alpha Mart by slashyrogue [words: 63,164] — (A/B/O)

Will needs an alpha. After years of fake knots, half-assed suppressants, and his own damn hand during heats he’s reached the end of his rope. He doesn’t do dating so he decides to waste his life savings and hype with the current trend. Alpha Mart.

Enchanted By Your Name by CarnivalMirai [words: 9,207] — (A/B/O + PWP)

“Now, my husband would prefer it if I got the job done quickly.” He says, slashing down the back of each gag as he passes each man, watching as the silk falls gracefully to the floor. “However, I want to have some fun. Considering you’ve troubled my husband so much… it’s only fair, right?” One of the men whimpered fearfully. Or: The name "Will Graham" is a name you'll only ever hear once.

I've Been Building Black Ships by cloudsarefluffy [words: 8,116] — (A/B/O + AU)

Alpha Hannibal moves to the States with his sister Mischa after being overtly done with the fancy life of a count, and his blind omega neighbor gives him an insight into love that he never quite expected.

A Rare Find by hit_the_books [words: 5,379] — (A/B/O + AU)

Life as an omega bookseller can be quite lonely. However, as the owner of Graham’s Books, Will Graham is reasonably content. That is until he meets—long-time customer and crush—Doctor Hannibal Lecter in person for the first time. Attraction blossoming between them both, Will agrees to a dinner date with the good doctor.

We All Have a Hunger by 1ntothew1ld [words: 12,260] — (A/B/O + Age Gap)

Hannibal will ensure a properly slow and painful death for an alpha who allowed a beautiful young omega to go to waste as this one has. Too skinny for his own good, a stuttering and humble mess. The likes of the omega in front of him belonged at Opera houses and in million-dollar mansions, not scrounging for his next meal. Meek and afraid in some disheveled row house. When he finally looked back up the alpha had to conceal the utter punch to the stomach that meager glance was, blue eyes full of innocence but also hunger.

The Doctor Is In by Kummerspeck7 — (A/B/O + PWP)

Will nearly scoffed. "You can't expect me to believe you'd want anything other than a delicate flower to adorn your side, keep your ostentatious home, bare you the exact number of children you want--No more, no less-- all while being available at your whims." "Not at all." Hannibal disagreed. "I would no more put a wilting flower in my home than in a bouquet given as a gift. Tell me, Will, is that how you are treated? Forbidden from work, cloistered inside and used at Mr Brown's discretion?" "My Alpha's discretion." Hannibal looked pointedly at the curve of Will's neck, free from a single scar. "Not yet he isn't."

Teenage Wildlife by writtenbyizzy [words: 10,163] — (Age Gap + Sugar Daddy)

While reluctantly prowling Grindr for a sugar daddy to pay for his dog Bean's vet bills Will comes across Hannibal, and gets far more than he bargained for.

Just As Poised As I Remember by CarnivalMirai [words: 5,721] — (Age Gap + School)

When Will was in high school he had an incredibly handsome psychology teacher-- tall and sharp with a thick European accent. And now, a decade later, said psychology teacher-turned psychiatrist... just swiped right on him.

We Can Chase the Dark Together by K_R_Closson [words: 16,615] — (Fantasy)

Will tips him and Hannibal off the cliff. Instead of hitting the water, he wakes up in his bed, several years in the past. His first, and only, priority is to find Hannibal again.

We Killed a Dragon Last Night by inameitlater [words: 88,150] — (Fantasy)

Will remembers falling. He wakes up months before Jack got him to work for him. Months before he met Hannibal for the first time. Free from his past he decides to change events and meet Hannibal again.

My Only Constant Is You by TheSilverQueen [words: 25,369] — (Fantasy)

Hannibal Lecter is an immortal who can never die. Will Graham is a time traveler who can never stay in one place. Perhaps that is why they are perfect for each other.

Motinos Kalba by Lyla_Joy [words: 6,040] — (Fluff)

Five times Hannibal Lecter spoke Lithuanian on accident and one time he meant too.

You Make Me Feel (Good) by sourweather [words: 7,190] — (Fluff)

Will Graham has sensory issues. The world gets too loud, he gets overstimulated easily, but most of all he hates being touched. He never expected someone to work so hard to make him comfortable, to be so patient with him.

Pick Me Up by sourweather [words: 6,053] — (Fluff)

Will doesn't go to bars much. He doesn't end up needing a ride home much. But when he does get drunk, he always wants to ask Hannibal to pick him up.

Hard to Get by JSinister32 [words: 5,561] — (Jealousy)

Will and Hannibal had been broken up for six months. When confessions are made during a work function, can they find it within themselves to forgive?

Polar Opposites by Lyla_Joy [words: 19,513] — (Kidnapping)

“Says the cannibalistic serial killer who knocked me out and is now holding me hostage,” sassed Will. The Ripper didn’t smile but his eyes crinkled in the corner. “Please call me Hannibal.”

Fate Is A Keen-Eyed Hound by LydiaFearing [words: 5,890] — (Mischa)

Hannibal may be a successful, charming psychiatrist but Mischa worries that her brother is lonely so she gifts him a puppy. Hannibal reluctantly falls for his little dog but wants to get involved with time-consuming FBI work and not just anyone can be allowed to look after his pet. Luckily, Alana can recommend a boarding kennel in Wolf Trap.

The Significant Other: The Will and Hannibal Edition by house_of_lantis [words: 18,431] — (Murder Husbands)

After their terrible and abrupt break up, Will and Hannibal attempt to maneuver through their social circles, side step ongoing gossip, and deal with the fact that Will knows the truth of Hannibal. Through impossible odds, Will and Hannibal do find their way to each other again.

Dancing with the Beast by proser [words: 86,347] — (Murder Husbands)

In order to catch a mediocre serial killer, Will must pose as Hannibal's date for a series of pretentious social events. Hannibal is dramatic and jealous as ever, and Will is having a great time without the encephalitis. Of course, it's a love story.

Arriving at the Crossroads by HigherMagic [words: 7,558] — (Mpreg)

"You haven't been my psychiatrist for a long time," Will echoes. "But you've been my friend. You've helped me. With…" He gestures vaguely to his head. "When my brain was on fire. On consults. When it's dark and I need a guiding light." "It pleases me very greatly to be a source of comfort and reassurance for you, Will," Hannibal says. "I have wanted to be that for you, for a long time."

The Hanged Man by justhavesex [words: 13,076] — (Mpreg)

Will Graham had never wanted children before, but he had never considered it to be a consequence of his omegan brain not finding anyone worthy, but the moment he had met Hannibal Lecter he had been filled with want. In which a dinner party one-night stand results in a pregnancy that changes Will's entire life.

I Don't Even Like Lana Del Rey by perpetuallycaffeinated [words: 4,328] — (PWP)

The tension and low thrum of arousal were making Will speak impulsively. He knew this, but he’d just finished his drink. There was nothing he could use to stop the question, blunt and presumptuous and rude. “So, what, you’re my daddy?”

A Bad Combination In The Dark by perpetuallycaffeinated [words: 1,957] — (PWP)

When a nerve wracked Will Graham accidentally cuts his hand on Dr. Lecter's letter opener, things quickly get out of control.

The Best Bait by sourweather [words: 3,327] — (PWP)

Will is a good fisherman, he knows which bait to use for his catch. Will seduces Hannibal at a party by being sexy.

Whimsy by justheretoreadhannibalfics [words: 3,001] — (School)

Doctor Hannibal Lecter is standing in as a teacher while Professor Graham is out of town on a case. The students start to kind of like him, and become very invested in his love life.

Callipygian by ProxyOne [words: 2,260] — (Season 1)

Hannibal has a lot of sketches of Will, which he normally keeps safely away. One day though, Will shows up unexpectedly and Hannibal is caught unawares, and unprepared.

L'appel Du Vide by sourweather [words: 5,413] — (Season 1)

Will is hiding things from his coworkers. From himself. But Doctor Lecter knows.

Friends Don't Frame Friends: A Lesson for a Clueless Cannibal by LadyFelixTristis [words: 5,041] — (Season 1)

Ear? What ear? Will Graham doesn’t try to thwart Hannibal Lecter’s plans for him. He just does. By accident. And then on purpose.

For All My Pride, You Were the Fall of Me by nobetterlove [words: 13,212] — (Season 2)

After being released from the BSHCI, Will grabs the dogs he can't live without and leaves without a trace

Letters to God by CarnivalMirai [words: 4,698] — (Season 3+)

Will writes letters to Hannibal every day after his incarceration. But they never make it.

Blankets, Coffee Cups, and Christmas Morning by sourweather [words: 6,352] — (Season 3+)

Hannibal wants to enjoy the domesticity. The love, the closeness, the being Known. But something about his life with Will makes him want to lash out.

All These Fictionary Tales by ProxyOne [words: 18,492] — (Season 3+)

After the fall, Hannibal is presumed dead. Will has been declared dead. But Will isn't willing to believe that Hannibal would just abandon him like that 

Seduction by BloodunderMoonlight [words: 7,086] — (Season 3+)

“For fuck’s sake, Hannibal.” Will glared at him, brimming with wrath he had only seen behind Will’s gun. He had no doubt Will would draw out a knife from beneath the duvet or pillows, but clearly words were enough to make him gobsmacked—“Are you a fucking virgin or monk? If all these can’t get you to bed then I don’t know what can.” Hannibal stood gaping at Will.

Blood, Cedar and Dog Hair by sourweather [words: 3,351] — (Season 3+)

Something terrible happens while Hannibal is in prison. Something he never prepared for.

Hidden Potential by sourweather [words: 20,789] — (Soulmates)

The first time you make eye contact with your soul mate, you see a vision of their greatest accomplishment. They call it your Peak. Unfortunately for Will Graham, his soul mate's Peak is a vision of blood and horror. Fortunately for Hannibal Lecter, his soul mate's is too.

Karoliai by slashyrogue [words: 4,577] — (Sugar Daddy)

Will works at a jewelry store. He has worked there for three months and sold less than any other person there. His boss tells him to sell something by the end of the day or he may not have a job tomorrow. If there was one thing Will hated more than having to talk people into buying jewelry they didn’t need, it was trying to do it two days before Valentine’s Day.

[ijustkindalikebooks]

You know, the world is anxiety inducing place, and though I believe we need to educated ourselves on how we got here, we also need to find a place of our own so we can get ourselves out of here, that's the joy of books, that no matter what you pick up it can take you somewhere, somewhere knowledgeable, somewhere far away, somewhere close, somewhere better. I hope you have your better.

These are the books that were my favourites this month.

Fullmetal Alchemist Vol. 6 (Omnibus Edition) by Hiromu Arakawa - I am now close to the end of the series and let me tell you, I am invested in these two brothers. The plot now is so good and keeps moving, the characters are perfection and the artwork, the artwork just pulls it all together. I think there's another series that follows on from this one and I want to read that too, I just really appreciate where the story is going now and can't wait to pick up more!

Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley - a well talked about book, I think, Firekeeper's Daughter had me gripped, those last hundred pages took some time off my life I was almost having palpitations. The story of a girl with a life on and off reservation that's asked to become a confidential informant about drug trafficking, this book is gripping, brilliant and leaves you hanging on the edge of your seat. This author writes like it happened, and I will read anything by her now.

Hollowpox: The Hunt of Morrigan Crow by Jessica Townsend - The ending of this third book, I believe the last of three trilogies of books in this series is haunting me and keeping me in suspense for Silverborn that comes out later this year. That line where it talks about Morrigan thinking back on it when she's older the decision leaves me dreading but also crossing every part of my body for her, I am not ready for anything that is to come.

Death On The Nile by Agatha Christie - When listening to this, I thought there's no way after watching the TV show with my nan of this and the film and the other dramatisations of this that you could ever hook me into this book. I was wrong. This book gives until the very end, it's intense, it's dramatic and left me totally distracted while I was working, it's just so so good. I am enjoying Agatha right now, and this is by far my favourite so far.

Winter In Sokcho by Elisa Shua Dusapin - I am fond of the slice of life books about women, be that Convenience Store Woman or this, which is the story of a young woman who has returned to her village after university and taken a job looking after a hotel and her relationship with a french guest who comes to stay. There's just something incredibly captivating and eerie about this book that pulls you in but also something that feels like you're watching something unfold that makes for a book that you just fall into.

EDIT: The Left-Handed Booksellers Of London by Garth Nix - I finished this book late last night and found it an incredible adventure that races across London and the Lake District with three distinct and fun characters that I can't wait to read more of. Merlin, Vivien and Susan are just such an amazing trio to read and the plot kept me hooked until the very end. I loved this book and definitely want to read more Garth Nix now!

My TBR coming up:

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe by Agatha Christie.

Jingo by Terry Pratchett

The Bangalore Detective's Club by Harini Nagrendra (ARC).

What are you reading in April? What were your favourite books of March?

Vee xo

[deliriumsetin]

So here’s the thing...

I’m really freaking hard to scare. Unlike my cat that just booked it into another room when our UPS guy dropped a package off at the door. Perfect timing, Percy. Perfect timing...

Anyways! I have NOT had a good scare in probably two decades. No matter what fiction I pick up that promises to chill and thrill me, neither happens.

Now keep this in mind.

As of right now I am launching a business and yes, this will tie into the weird opener. Be patient, please.

I am launching Vox et Liber, a publishing house for ALL kinds of stories and ALL kinds of voices. I started working on this in November 2019, what do you mean that was only 8 months ago?! I originally thought the publishing house up after learning a bunch of facts about the publishing world over the summer.

VeL publishing will be a new kind of publishing and I can say that with 100% confidence because I am building this beast from the ground up, with the help of @hazandlouwho​, my fiance, and a few other amazing people!

Because this business is getting started independently, which means no investors, we are working with a VERY small amount of cash reserved for start up. Initially all works will be published digitally. We do plan on launching a Kickstarter in September/October to get enough funds to keep this going and to do it right which means getting stories published physically and sold to both indie bookstores and Barnes and Noble. Please be on the look out for that.

If any awesome people want to donate to help us not break my own personal bank, which will be easy to do since Covid-19 forced me to quit my job working with the public because I’m high risk and unemployment has kept me in limbo for going on 3 weeks, you can tip us on Ko-Fi by clicking here. ALL donations and funds raised go towards launching VeL and all projects under the VeL umbrella.

Bringing it around to the scares. VeL is launching our first project and we need all you awesome writers’ help. As of today we are opening submissions for our first ever anthology, Graveyard Visits. It’s horror with the theme of marginalized voices written as Own Voice fiction. Meaning stories written by marginalized groups with their marginalized groups as main characters.

Submissions are going to be open from July 1st until August 12th 11:59pm EST. Stories are expected to be between 2.5k-5k words in length. We will be paying $.02 per word as well as giving you a digital copy of the anthology. Submission Guidelines can be found here.

Now the whole me being hard to scare; I want to be scared. Submit your best, your scariest, and most bone-chilling stories.

Also, not so subtly gonna add a nudge to @thebibliosphere​ because I feel like she might have something up her sleeve. If not for this anthology then definitely our erotica one that will be announced later this summer.

We also have a podcast series in the works but I will do another post on that once I or my awesome soon to be brother in law (that’s STILL weird) have a moment to do up some graphics.

Click below for my rant on why traditional publishing right now is a soul sucking leech on EVERYONE.

On average with hardcover books an author is lucky to make $1.50 off each one sold and that’s only AFTER they sell enough to cover their advance. I also found out the average advance is like 3k per book. Some (not including the wicked big names who get a shit ton more) can get as high as 5k but others can get as low as a 1k. An author is lucky to see that twice a year (selling 2 books) because they have to spend time MARKETING book 1 instead of writing book 2. 

Keep in mind fiction hardcovers are generally sold between 19.99 (usually YA) or 29.99 (usually adult). Wicked big difference, huh? I get there’s a lot that goes into making a book, trust me I do but the split between should leave the authors getting around $4 per copy instead of less than $2. That $2.50 is just extra that the publishing house takes because it can.

Then there are the mass paperbacks which an author gets paid 50 damn cents per copy. Yes, those books retail for anywhere between 7.99 and 14.99 per book and sell way faster than hardcovers. Take it from an ex-bookseller.

Most books take on average 500 to 1,000 hours of work put into them before they even get handed off to the publisher for the FIRST time. At minimum that author sees an hourly return wage of $6 which is BELOW the United fucking States shit-tastic minimum peasant wage. We devalue the arts so fucking much- arg! But that can be a separate rant for another day.

Then after doing more research I realized just how off balanced the publishing world STILL is in the year of hell 2020. Don’t believe me click the link. Sarah Park Dahlen did a great article with a great graphic on it. 

As of 2015, yes I’m paraphrasing to continue to rant, children’s books had ALMOST more books about anthropomorphic cars, household items, and animals than there were books about Black kids, Asian Pacific kids, Latinx kids, or Native American/First Nation kids combined. Talking teakettles and their kindred got a whopping 12.5% while if you add up all the groups above you get 14.2%. None on there own beat out the freaking Easter Bunny! Of course books about White kids are the highest at 73.3%. Yes, this was as of 2015 but as an avid reader who reads middle-grade and up books for fun I can tell you nothing much has changed. Books about black kids maybe SLIGHTLY higher since the BLM movement (fuck yes progress!!) but I’d be heartstoppingly shocked if they beat out talking fucking trucks.

And that’s just race. From what I gathered with all the publishing houses less than 100 books with LGBTQIAP+ main characters are published each year. Wtf? And among that as of 2015 55% percent are about cisgendered males and 31% are cisgendered females. (Thank you @malindalo​, you are awesome and I’ve enjoyed meeting you at the Boston Teen Author festival the last few years.) So, just focusing on those 2 first letters, huh? I want to read a story about a kickass transwoman that has to deal with transitioning WHILE demons have torn their way out of hell. That would be badass! Holy shit, someone trans write that!

Same goes for people that live with disabilities whether they are physical or mental, including mental illness and neurodivergents like myself. If you haven’t figured out by this rant just how ADHD I am than you might need an ADHD in your life. My brain works differently and I would have killed growing up to read about characters that have to deal with what I deal with. We have Percy Jackson now and his all ‘verse but it’s not enough and it wasn’t published until I was on my way to college.

All that aside we now have all the bs coming out about what’s been going on in traditional publishing. About all the dickweeds that have been using their power and pull to sexually harass new authors, most often the new authors are young women. I unfollowed people and canceled a pre-order because fuck that shit! Also, I don’t give a fuck how big a name someone is if the hate they spew makes all their trans fans collectively feel like shit for not believing the simple fact that transwomen are women then they deserve to get dropped like the bag of shit they are. TERFs can fuck right off. 

All the publishing bs has made me more determined to get VeL off the ground because no, no, no. We’ll have none of that. All the listed above reasons can go play in traffic. We will be paying our authors better and taking care of them from day 1. We will be making sure our catalog is so damn diverse that you’d have to be looking at the wrong website to not find a story that you can’t see yourself in and lastly, if we hear of any of our authors pulling a Myke Cole or a Sam Sykes than they are dropped. It is in the best interests of our authors futures that they aren’t shitbags. /end rant

If y’all have any questions about anything of this, I think my dms are open or if I’m wrong just tag me. My days lately have been chained to my shit dell computer with one or both cats pinning me to the couch. I finish this up as Percy settles in on my legs. Also, thunderstorm is starting up and both are sleeping through it? If only I could be so lucky when the fiance and I have kids...

[littlehen]

About Me Quiz

Hello, @buttonhouseparty​ here, a rose by any other name etc etc. This is my contribution to that challenge that’s been going round based on the Some Things About Me song. As usual I have massively overthought this, so answers placed under a cut. 

my name - Hen

my age - 30-something (what is this, the census?)

my favourite colour - Duck-egg blue / teal

my height - 5’6”

my sign - ‘Do Not Disturb’ 

do I have a lover? - Nope, fingers burned. 

what’s my nationality? - British and pro-EU. Accent is generic English BBC Radio 4.

here are some things that inspire me - Animals. My best friend. Witty writing. Happy accidents.

my favourite food - Baklava.

my current mood - From this age onwards I suspect the answer will always be ‘tired’.

and my shoe size - UK 6.5 - and nowhere does half-sizes :(

this is my favourite tv show - BBC Ghosts! I can’t remember ever falling for another show so hard. The Thick of It. Call My Agent. Au service de la France. I grew up with The Young Ones and Victoria Wood. On radio I love Cabin Pressure, John Finnemore’s Souvenir Programme and The Adam Buxton Podcast. When I was little, we had a long drive to school and my mum always put on funny cassettes like Hancock’s Half Hour, Dad’s Army, Beachcomber, Old Harry’s Game, Billy Connolly - which I see now was an attempt to make us shut up, but it taught me to love great comedy. I have a history BA so I also love a living history programme - Lucy Worsley, Ruth Goodman et al.

and my favourite animal - Cats. Seals.

i’ve got this many tattoos - None. I can’t imagine making a lifelong commitment to any particular image or sentiment.

my favourite song and my favourite movie - Feel the Need in Me by the Detroit Emeralds, I just like the plodding beat and that stupid video makes me smile. For film, either Casablanca, The Apartment or Withnail & I.

my hair is this long - Ideally a short brown bob like Fleabag, but hard to maintain during lockdown.

what I wanna grow up to be - Happy? Solvent? Career-wise, I still don’t know. I’ve been in and out of bookselling since I was 16, but I’ve done a variety of other jobs, including secretarial, interning on a national tabloid, TV copywriting; did an MA; and I was even a Proper Author for a while, but inspiration and confidence dried up when I was bereaved, and in 2020 my literary agent ditched me. I’d love to be an editor but have no clue how to get into it and I’ve got too old for an entry-level position.

here’s a nickname I go by - see first answer

and some things I never tried - [redacted] 

do I have a pet? - Three idiot cats and a long dog.

have I named it yet? - I get that this question rhymes, but as if anyone goes round just calling their pet ‘Cat’ like Holly Golightly. My pets all have sensible human names.

what shade are my eyes? - Big and blue.

here’s my favourite cereal - A bit of everything in the cupboard, all mixed up (chaotic something or other). Cinnamon Toast if I had to pick one.

and a place I’d like to go - Always Scotland. Japan in the autumn - nature and old world culture, temples, museums. Australia in the winter because I’m a wimp. I’ve been round the south of China but I want to see a lot more, especially the west - pandas in Chengdu and terracotta warriors in Xian. I’ve done lots of European travel, mostly Italy, and interrailed in Scandinavia but my favourite was Norway because of the lovely people, and I’d like to go there again. Oh, and America - some big national park, anywhere with mountains reaching up to a vast blue sky, a lake and a log cabin and the possibility of bears. After a year stuck indoors, I’d like to go anywhere, really.

here are some habits that I do - Self-destructively ignore texts and emails. Clench my jaw. Type long answers to silly questions.

Thanks @silverfox-hunter​ for tagging me and thank you to everyone who has done this challenge already, it’s been fun learning more about you guys! I’m not going to tag anyone because ✨a n x i e t y✨ 

[dopescotlandwarrior]

The Dancer-Chapter Two

Previous chapter on AO3    A special thanks to @statell​ for all your help

Chapter Two

In the absence of maintaining her little book shop, Claire’s swelling bank account allowed her to move into a townhouse with a large main room that she kept unfurnished. Floor to ceiling mirrors lined two walls and custom lighting allowed her to turn up the ambiance to practice new dance routines. A lifetime of frugal living still governed her lifestyle and there was ample money left to hire a private instructor to continue coaching her.

Madu was an Egyptian, born into a family of dancers who followed the traditional dance of the gypsies. He was the real deal and cousin to the studio owner who first took Claire under her wing. His first lesson was very harsh, she was sore for a week and his continued assault of her musculoskeletal system took her to the brink of quitting him. When she was clearly trying to find the words to tell him nicely, he ordered her into several poses with rapid changes, then turned the music on. He asked for the most difficult movements and pushed her to do them perfectly. Claire was shocked she could perform many of the movements used by competition belly dancers, and the bigger picture was revealed to her.

Madu turned up the volume of her sex appeal with instruction in using her eyes to add mystery and allure. Claire struggled through this, but not because it was hard. When Madu demonstrated the classic looks, Claire lost it and laughed until she begged him to stop acting like a woman in love. He was completely ridiculous acting like a seductive woman, but Claire finally nailed the eye movements he was after. Claire’s favorite new moves were athletic and fun, easily incorporated into any routine to heighten the energy of the crowd or break the sexual tension when needed.

“You are not a stripper Claire. You do the exotic dance of gypsies for entertainment not for…” Madu was stumbling to find an appropriate word for erection while staring at his crotch. It was yet another moment when Claire lost her mind dissolving in giggles.

Arms were Madu’s focus for several weeks until she could move them as if she had no elbows. He was a great teacher and his perfectionism fit Claire’s personality like a custom glove. In addition to her dance instruction, Madu added running five miles, four days per week to help her breathing.

If Claire became winded, he would stop the lesson and point to her heaving chest and quivering stomach. Disgusted with her weakness, the lesson would be cut short with the teacher leaving abruptly. Claire would hit the streets and push herself to run faster and farther, day after day, just to see the approval on his face. It was a love, hate relationship and Claire blossomed under his instruction.

Jamie watched the paper for book club advertisements or any other activity that was literature centric. Where are ye, Claire? I know ye canna stay away from books so ye got to surface eventually. He wondered if she left Edinburgh but continued to search for signs of her, week after week, hoping to find she had landed on her feet.

Jamie continued to visit the restaurant, at least once a week, to watch the dancer. He noticed the changes in her movements and felt her beckon him like a siren to a sailor. The first night she showed her face he almost had a heart attack. It was unexpected and felt intensely personal.

The headpieces and scarves that hid Claire’s face were difficult to wear and she was losing patience with using them. Still, if Jamie Fraser was in the audience, she covered her lower face. During one performance, Claire’s face scarf was accidentally pulled off while she danced in front of Jamie. She was horrified and watched his face with mounting fear of being discovered. There was no recognition in his eyes, so she stopped covering her face with great relief.

Somehow, enticing Jamie with her erotic dance and ignoring his requests to speak with her mollified her need to stab him in the heart. When she felt extra hateful toward him, she would dance very close and slip her finger into her bra, pinching her nipple so he would see her reaction. Only he would see it and Claire could torture him with this movement whenever she needed to.

Claire was the vengeful and punishing dancer, Jamie was hopelessly obsessed with her. Neither of them realized how twisted and abnormal this dynamic was.

Jamie sat at his desk pondering his six months of searching for the little bookseller. Maybe she married her high school boyfriend and moved to the country to raise a houseful of bairns. Or maybe she moved to London where she would find like-minded readers to share her love of the classics. He told himself to give up trying to find her. In a last-ditch effort, he placed an ad for a Charles Dickens book club, the location of which was yet to be decided.

Over the following week, Jamie received a handful of inquiries to his anonymous posting. He looked through the names of the interested and brushed them into his desk drawer feeling his quest to find Claire was finally quelled. He might always wonder what happened to her, but he was ready to change her status to someone he once knew. He headed out to catch the early show at Omar’s and get lost in his fantasies.

It was two weeks later when an inquiry for the book club passed over his desk. He read the short response of interest and his eyes landed on the signature, Claire Beauchamp.

“There ye are Sassenach,” he said quietly.

This would require the aid of his sister and maybe a friend of hers to break the ice with Claire, so she didn’t run away at the sight of him. He picked up the phone to recruit Jenny’s help while drafting a notice for the first meeting of the Dickens book club.

“You want me to what?”

“Tell this girl I’ve been lookin for, that I want to speak with her, so she doesna run away at the sight of me.”

“Ye may have lost yer touch with the lassie's brother but ye willna get any help from me,” she scoffed.

“She lost her bookstore when the Edinburgh store opened. She is very young and sweet, and I’ve become obsessed with finding her.”

“The clubs in the city suddenly empty out of lasses?”

“I dinna want to date her or spend time with her Jenny. I just want to know she’s alright. If I can help her I will. Please, Jenny, try to understand that I canna let this go, canna let her go, knowing what I took from her. If she can just tell me she’s fine and landed on her feet, I’ll have no need to speak to her again.

Claire arrived at the designated coffee shop with a Tale of Two Cities tucked under her arm. She was excited to see three women sitting together, open books in front of them, talking animatedly. She felt her soul curl up with a well-worn blanket to enjoy this classic novel with new friends.

“Hello, my name is Claire, I am here for the book club meeting.”

Jenny’s smiling eyes lifted to a face of innocence, bright golden-brown eyes, and ivory skin that hosted not a drop of makeup. Her smile was trusting and sincere and it was clear to Jenny why she had haunted her brother.

After the introductions, the two other women left the table leaving Claire alone with Jenny. Jenny watched her nervous eyes dart around the coffee shop and did her best to corral Claire with a quick explanation.

“Dinna fear lass, this meetin is for yer benefit and I’ll tell ye why. Seven months ago, my brother was ordered to open a store in Edinburgh which caused yer bookstore to close from the competition. He has looked for ye ever since to make sure yer alright. Please, Claire, hear him out before he loses his mind. It might help heal a part of ye also.”

Claire’s heart was pounding. This woman could only be referring to Jamie Fraser, and what was this nonsense about his concern for her? She clutched her book intending to leave but when she stood there was a brick wall behind her.

“Please Claire”. Will ye talk with me for just a few minutes?”

He was blocking her exit so there was only one way to move, back into her chair.

Jenny smiled sweetly at Claire as she vacated the seat. Jamie claimed it and was now facing Claire across the table.

“I swear on my sweet mother’s grave I only want to talk to you. Make sure yer alright, that you found yer way. I promise I willna bother ye again.”

Claire looked up at Jamie’s eyes and felt like crying because they were so desperate.

“You have five minutes Mister Fraser.”

Jamie’s voice was soft and gentle as he inquired about her life, her new job, and her hobbies. He just wanted to keep her talking until she could relax and see him with new eyes. Not of an enemy but someone who sincerely wanted to help her, if she needed it.

Slowly, Claire opened her mind to this unexpected inquiry and assured him she was fine and working a new job she loved. Jamie seemed okay that she didn’t share the details of where she worked because he could see in her face how much she loved it. They shared a second coffee and Jamie finally let go of his guilt about forcing her to lose her business.

Claire had danced inches from this man on so many nights as she worked through her hatred and need to hurt him back. She found it difficult to connect that man with the one across the table as their conversation continued. She watched his eyes and his smile, feeling sad that this was a one-time meeting. Her enemy had a sincere desire to see her healthy and healed from his assault on her life. She forced herself to relax for just a few minutes and bask in the attention of Jamie Fraser.

“Well, I should go, Mister Fraser. I don’t hate you anymore and I appreciate your concern for me, but I am just fine.”

“Your people are lost without ye Claire.”

“What?”

“The customers that joined yer book clubs and school reading program are comin to me to facilitate such things and I dinna have a clue. There is a need for ye and I want to offer ye a job and all the space and support ye need to bring those programs back to Edinburgh. I pay pretty well too.”

Claire could feel the blush burn her cheeks while her heart swelled with the sentiment of her old customers.

“I…I couldn’t Mister Fraser. I’m no longer in the book business.”

Claire pushed her chair out to leave and offered her hand to Jamie. He shook it, slipping his card into her hand he asked her to think about it. The offer was open.

Jamie watched Claire walk to her car and wondered why she wouldn’t divulge the job she was doing now. Something was different about her. Her clothing and hair were the same, but she had a more confident air about her. It was a positive improvement he decided and hurried back to work.

The seatbelt clicked and Claire exhaled a long breath. Maybe she would consider the job and stay close to her beloved books. Maybe her heart would finally thaw out and she could feel normal again. She had lived like a training Olympian for the past six months, dedicated to dancing and training because it felt safe. She looked at his card, I’ll just add this to the stack on my counter, she thought miserably.

Driving home she tried to decide if she was happy during the last six months. She had made great gains with her dancing, moved into a better neighborhood, made very good money, and had her best friend, Geillis. She realized she moved through her days going from one obligation to the next and even if those obligations made her money or improved her skill, they were still obligations. What is the opposite of an obligation? What is the true form or feeling of happiness? She considered these questions for the next several days and finally decided she didn’t know. Maybe it was time she found out.

Claire made a list of all the activities that sounded fun and threw a small notebook in her glove box in case she thought of something while driving. She compiled her list over the weekend and there was a total of three activities. Fishing, camping, hiking and she was only guessing at the fun part because she really didn’t know.

“Christ, if I die tomorrow, I will have lived twenty-two years and never had fun,” she mumbled.

Claire ran to answer her ringing doorbell and a box was thrust into her hand, Madu was on the other side of it.

“It’s a gift from my cousin.”

Claire pulled the top off and gasped at the beautiful hair inside. It was a waist-length human hair wig that she slipped on and felt instantly transformed into a beautiful, exotic, woman. She pulled a comb through the luxurious hair and giggled with delight.

Geillis played with the hair while Claire got ready for work that evening. The sight of Geillis twitching her hips and moving her arms like a hula dancer with the wig puckering at the crown of her head made Claire lose it. She couldn’t stop laughing until she was kneeling on the ground holding her stomach. Geillis scoffed and pulled a panting Claire to the door.

 Well, she thought, that was fun.

Geillis helped twist the long hair into a complex top knot that would fall out when she rolled her head, letting the curls tumble down her back as she spun. It was time.

Claire pressed her back against the dressing room door, wrists crossed above her head and waited for the spotlight. The music started with just a wood flute, soft and slow, like the music that pulled the cobra out of his basket. Her eyes were downcast as her body undulated softly. As the music rose in tempo and complexity, her eyes flew open with fear and darted around the room in mock terror. Attempting to push away she looked up at what held her to the door and suddenly threw her body away from the invisible bonds as she twirled, arms out, showing the joy of freedom on her face. Arms wide at her sides she spun across the floor lined with tables until she came to rest in the middle of the room.

Madu’s voice was in her head, “You are alone and free to dance as your joyous heart demands. What would that dance look like?”

Claire’s eyes were downcast watching her hip lift suddenly. A slight smile and she looked at the other hip lift. Back and forth she looked at each hip lift higher and faster. She spread her arms with a huge smile as her body launched into a head-spinning routine of all the classic moves of the belly dancer holding the diners spellbound. She twirled back to the stage door and was once again bound at her raised wrists. She looked up in mock horror and the spotlight went out.

Jamie watched the dancer against the door. He could hardly breathe when she tried to escape but could not. He filled his lungs when she twirled over and over again once free. The hair came tumbling down and bounced with her movements. She had never looked so beautiful and he felt he would explode if she didn’t speak to him.

He handed Omar his card and a hundred-dollar bill and before he could stop himself, he asked for an introduction to the dancer.

“Omar, would ye consider introducing me to your daughter? I have tried, each time I come to see her dance, but she willna reply to my request.”

Omar looked up at Jamie, one of his best customers, and cleared his throat. He was never blessed with a daughter but had come to feel like a father with Claire. If she led this man to believe she was his daughter there was a good reason for it.

Jamie licked his lips in nervous desperation, “is she promised to someone? Is she not allowed to speak to the patrons? Will she ever speak with me?”

Omar was searching his mind for the right response. One that would protect Claire and keep Jamie coming around to watch her. “It is not our custom,” a long pause, “but you never know.” He vaporized into his office leaving Jamie more confused than ever.

As autumn turned to the bitter cold of winter, Claire was running in snow and slush and the humid cold dipped into the single digits. She rounded the corner of her last mile and felt her legs lock up and turn to concrete. She slowed to a difficult walk gasping for breath. She had to get warm or feared she would die, as every step got harder. The nearest building was the new bookstore and she lunged for it as it spun in front of her. Once inside she bent over, hands on knees, hoping the spinning would stop as the floor came up to smack her cheek.

Claire felt her body was being jostled as she returned to consciousness. She was leaning against a large muscular chest so someone must be carrying her. A door closed and she felt a soft couch under her. She kept her eyes closed, more for nausea than a desire to stay hidden behind her lids. Her gloves were pulled off and someone blew warm air against her fingers.

Claire opened her eyes to Jamie, crouched on the floor trying to warm up her hands.

“Jamie Fraser.”

“Oh, good yer awake, ye scared me half to death lass. Dinna move yet. How do ye feel, should I call an ambulance?”

“Certainly not! I am fine, just a little dizzy. I am sorry for the drama, but your store was the closest warm building and I knew I was in trouble. I..I’m really very sorry.”

“Dinna move yet Sassenach! Please stay there for a few minutes. What happened to ye?”

“What did you just call me?” Claire’s voice was soft and questioning and she could see Jamie blush.

“Sassenach. It means …outsider…because of yer accent. Yer no a Scot is what I mean.”

“Maybe if I was, I wouldn’t pass out after running three miles in the cold.”

Claire inched her way into a sitting position and took a deep breath, feeling better but not well enough to run herself home. Jamie kept telling her to stay put so she did, enjoying a lovely chat with this interesting man. He fed her cookies and coffee until the color came back to her face. When Claire glanced at her watch and almost shot off the couch reaching for her phone.

“Madu! I am so sorry! I passed out halfway through my run today and I’m at the new bookstore in town. Can you come and get me? Yes, I’m alright, my friend here saved me with cookies and coffee. What? No! I did not say cookies. Why, did you hear cookies? She laughed weakly and dropped her phone into her coat pocket. She smiled at Jamie.

“Thank you for the rescue Jamie but I am out of your hair. She shook his hand and feasted on the bluest eyes she had ever seen, “goodbye.”

Jamie watched Claire from his upstairs office until a car pulled up to take her away. No cookies, he thought, what kind of life is that?

Jamie wanted desperately to watch the dancer tonight, but he was just there last night. He worried about his obsession with her and pushed back with a limit of once per week. The night before she had dropped backward like she was made of rubber and he felt her head on his shoulder. It took him several minutes to breathe normally again.

“Who are ye lass, and why won’t ye speak to me?”

A month later Claire was bobbing through crowds of shoppers as she ran through the retail district of Edinburgh. She couldn’t wait for the holidays to end so she could have her solitary run back. She launched into a sprint and heard her name called in the distance. She turned to see Jenny Fraser and friends, arm waving over her head with a big smile.

“Claire! Come say hello!”

Claire smiled and jogged back to the group and Jenny. Four women about her age were all smiles and warmth, talking about Christmas and Hogmanay. Claire was swept away by the welcoming women and allowed herself to sit and chat over hot cocoa. She could hear Madu in her mind listing the evils of sugar and became increasingly agitated until she broke away from the group and started running again. It felt like she was transported to a town in a Rockwell painting where she would have friends like Jenny and weight gain from Christmas treats was her biggest concern. Maybe someday she thought.

Getting back to her townhouse she added something to her list of fun activities on the refrigerator. “Having Cocoa with friends.” Her list was growing. There were now six activities.

Jamie struggled through Christmas day at Lallybroch. His anxiety felt like an army of ants had invaded his legs, biting him without mercy. When supper was over and cleaned up, he took off for the Bookstore to catch up on some work. Try as he might, the oppressive walls were closing in on him before a single report was read. It was useless to continue his fake reading, so he grabbed his coat and walked the streets, looking in store windows and letting his thoughts wander. Someone ran past him, billowing steam from panting and running quickly away.

“Claire!”

She stopped and turned around but all he could see was a white smile deep inside her hood. He caught up to her and putting his arm around her they walked together. Claire was really happy to have a diversion on this lonely day and night. She needed company and for a time Jamie was a dream come true. They pointed and joked about what was displayed in shop windows and Jamie asked a lot of questions that she couldn’t answer. He finally gave up to enjoy the respite offered by little Claire tagging along.

“I will respect yer privacy Sassenach, no more questions about yer job or where ye live. Can I ask why ye run all the time, and without cookies! So, tell me the truth of it, squirt.”

Claire looked up at Jamie and felt a friendship that she knew was real, still, all she could do is laugh and shrug her shoulders just before she took off to run home.

“Wait! Have ye thought any more about the job?”

Claire was jogging backward so she could see him, “I’ll do it!” Said laughing, before she turned around to run home.

Jamie watched her until her form was little more than a dark mark on the horizon. It was getting quite cold, so he turned toward the bookstore to head home.

Now that the distraction of Claire was gone, the shrouded mystery dancer spun in his head and Jamie felt his anger rage. Get out of my head, he thought, I’m tired of livin like this and I’m tired of you. Jamie forced her out of his thoughts and instead took a hard look at what was becoming a real problem. His constant presence at the restaurant, stalking her in the parking lot, shelling out at least four-hundred-dollars a month and losing interest in any other part of his life. Jamie pulled his truck to the side of the dirt road he lived on and looked straight ahead at Lallybroch.

He stayed in that position like he had been turned to stone. All the supporting evidence of his ill-placed obsession ran through his mind over and over until his head pounded. The obvious answer was to stop seeing her, cold turkey. She refused to speak to him for months and his continued pursuit was pure folly, if not illegal. He exhaled a long, sad, breath and promised himself he would see a therapist if he could not stop on his own.

“Christ, I need a twelve-step program for belly dancer watchin. A new low for ye Jamie boy,” he said to the air, and finished his miserable ride home.

Jenny was in the living room bundled into a blanket on the couch with her phone in hand, laughing and texting one of her gang. Jamie sat down and sighed rubbing his hands on his jeans. His sister saw his miserable face and put her phone down.

“I know ye’ve been possessed by some problem lately. Is this a sign yer ready to talk about it?”

Jamie looked at sweet Jenny’s face for a full minute before speaking. “I have a problem Jen and it’s gonna ruin my life if I don’t find a way out. Let me tell ye what I’ve done.”

Jamie talked for thirty minutes, pouring his heart out and leaving no secrets. Jenny had never heard more than a handful of sentences out of her brother in one sitting so she made not a peep during this momentous confession. She wiped at tears in her eyes twice, feeling her brother had been duped out of his money and time by swindling gypsies.

Jenny was furious. The boy who walked her home from school each day, taught her how to drive, took her shopping for her prom dress and held her up during their father's funeral was hurting. He was the king of men to Jenny and she was rocked to the core with hatred for this belly dancer.

[citylightsbooks]

Exclusive Interview with Sheree Renée Thomas, Author of Nine Bar Blues

One of our booksellers, Caitlyn Wild, had the amazing opportunity to conduct this longform interview with author Sheree Renée Thomas. Her newest book is Nine Bar Blues: Stories from an Ancient Future, published by Third Man Books. Sheree is celebrating her book along with her Third Man “label mates” Alison Mosshart and Robert Gordon (who also have new books out) in our City Lights LIVE events series on Wednesday, October 21.

***

Caitlyn: This book is gorgeous on the inside AND the outside. This is one of my favorite covers of 2020, have to say. As I'm gazing wistfully at it here I see the subtitle, "Stories from an Ancient Future". Could you speak about what that phrase holds and conjures for you? Sheree Renée Thomas: Thank you! I wanted the cover for Nine Bar Blues to offer a visual clue to some of the characters, natural (and unnatural) landscapes, and themes in the stories. Third Man Books did a wonderful job of creating that sense of wonder and the verdant richness (cicadas, Egyptian gods, the moon, aliens, vines!) I was hoping for. 

The subtitle, “Stories from an Ancient Future” is my riff on the idea that if humanity continues onward, we’ll someday reach a point where even our imagined futures are ancient. Some of the stories in the collection are set in the near future, alternate futures, the present, and the past. What would life be like if you existed in an ancient future? If time is relative, there is always a place where we can look back at ourselves (or our imagined selves) and see the grand sweep of time. What things remains the same, what falls away, is erased and remade again? The ancient future contains some of the wisdom of our past and some of our hopes for the future. It also contains our mistakes and fears. Will we be better off then, in this imagined future? Perhaps, at least I hope so. But that depends on what we carry with us and how well we learn from the lessons of the past. For me, it’s a blending of Ray Bradbury’s Martian Chronicles and the West African philosophy of Sankofa. 

The story that really stayed with me in this collection was "Head Static". It put me in an altered state! I felt like I was watching the earth as it was being created, the deep gods and archetypes of our psyches emerging from the hum of the universe before my eyes, but in reverse. In short, I loved it! Could you tell us about the inception of the character in that story, Claire, and explain how she came to be in your mind and then on the page? That makes me so happy because Claire was one of those characters whose journey really haunted me. When I began writing her, I knew who she was but not why she was, or rather, how she had come to feel the way she did. Music became a way of thinking about the things that people share in common, around the world, throughout time. It is one of our greatest forms of expression. And music contains our deepest thoughts and observations on the world. But our culture is so obsessed with the cult of celebrity, in search of the next great thing. We worship youth and novelty, often at youth’s expense. There’s this constant drive for innovation and acceleration, while holding onto the dream of an endless life span. At what cost? To what end? Writing “Head Static” was a way for me to think about some of these ideas while exploring that deep musical connection. On October 21 we are excited to host you and two of your fellow Third Man Books authors, Alison Mosshart and Robert Gordon. Third Man also publishes another of my favorites, Janaka Stucky. As a reader I'm consistently enraptured with the authors and books they publish. I'm curious as to what the Third Man experience is like from the author's side? It’s been pretty exciting! First of all, if you ever get a chance to visit Third Man Records, go immediately because the space is just amazing. I don’t know how to describe it. It’s like a cross between Tim Burton and Ed Wood with a little Willy Wonka mixed in there? Fantastic design throughout and um, Jack White. Yeah, Jack White! Working with Chet Weise and the Third Man Books/Records team has been as close as my non-musical self has ever been to being in a rock band! There is a lot of good energy, great ideas, and collaboration, and the team is insanely supportive and creative. Between the kickass writers—poets, fiction writers, creative nonfiction—there’s a great deal of talent to just vibe with and connect. My fellow press mates are always working on new wonders, the kind of work that impacts the world—and that’s inspiring.

You are the first Black author to receive a World Fantasy Award for the groundbreaking collection you edited, Dark Matter: A Century of Speculative Fiction from the African Diaspora, which was published in 2000. (HELL YES). In another interview, you said you were inspired to put the book together because you were shocked it didn't exist yet. In 2020, is there a book you are shocked that has yet to be published? What books that have come along since 2001 are you glad about? There is at least one marvelous book that I do hope to see in the world before I roll out, and there are a couple of others that seem like their time has come, industry-wise, so we shall see. Back in ’98 when I was thinking on what would eventually become the first volume of Dark Matter: A Century of Speculative Fiction from the African Diaspora, I didn’t set out to create a groundbreaking project. I literally was just looking for more Black speculative fiction to read for fun, and when I didn’t find it in the bookstores, its absence puzzled me. With as many different anthologies that make up the genre, I was surprised that it hadn’t been done before. I’m really grateful I had the chance (and the courage) to do it. It’s been quite a journey! Since that first volume and the second one, Dark Matter: Reading the Bones, that came out in 2004, there have been many, many wonderful amazing books that pretty much put away the old arguments about Black writers not reading or writing this work. One book that I reviewed around the time I was working on the anthology was Nalo Hopkinson’s Brown Girl in the Ring. That novel felt like a game changer to me, because Nalo’s writing got us all so excited about the cultures and worlds we had not seen often in science fiction. She achieved this in a magical way that, while offering all the things we love about speculative fiction, rang true with a rootedness in Afrodiasporic culture. It didn’t feel like she was translating to us. Her writing, storytelling, and world building felt natural and true to itself. Today you could have a whole library of Black speculative fiction (and the scholarship that examines it), and that is beyond thrilling for me.

 Between the diverse works of N.K. Jemisin, Andrea Hairston, Tananarive Due, P. Djèlí Clark—they cover a lot of imaginative ground--and a ton of exciting YA authors I cannot even begin to name, readers have a lot of new work and new voices to explore. It’s just an exciting time.

Finally, if you owned a bookstore or small press, what would it be called and what would your bestseller or focus be? I’ve been jotting down bookstore names for years! Here are a few:  Beloved Books (this was invented during my Toni Morrison phase), focusing on the books people can’t stop discussing and all of our childhood favorites, too.  Echo Tree Books (named after one of my favorite short story writers and poets, Henry Dumas, featuring all fantasy, science fiction, horror, and such).

Haint Blue Books (so I can paint every single wall the most stunning shades of blue, focusing on excellent fiction and world folklore with tons of poetry because sometimes, sadly, people be sleeping on the poetry, lol. Don’t sleep on the poets!).  And my favorite, All Y’all Books (Southern lit and more! Plus a healthy selection of regional lit from other parts). 

I love the last one the best because I can just hear folks saying, “You know you can get it at All Y’all Books!” or asking, “Where did you get that?” “Girl, at All Y’all’s Books. They have out of print and rare books, too!”  Authors can say, “I’m going to be reading at All Y’all’s Books.” You can’t help but smile when you say that!

[janevillanueva]

i've got some headcanons and i want to share them

- after the wedding jane and rafael take their honeymoon and go to italy. mateo flies to new york with ro and xo so he doesn't feel left out of the traveling and gets to have some fun too. in italy jane and raf find his birth parents bakery by chance and everyone thinks rafael is his father because he looks just like him. the family member (probably a niece) who took over shows them around and they bake together and laugh and cry a lot and vow to come back with the kids someday. they spend the rest or the time just being at peace at last, walking around and holding hands.

- that christmas mateo insists on going back to new york because he had a lot of fun and they give in since lina is there too and they have the money to go now. jane has never seen real snow before and when she kisses raf under it while waiting for rogelio to pick them up, she understands the difference. she's also never been that cold before so he wraps his coat around her and she puts her freezing hands under his shirt. mateo has seven sweaters and two jackets plus a hat, scarf and mittens on because jane was worried he'd get cold.

- lina's baby is a few weeks old by then and rafael starts to change his mind about not wanting more kids when he watches jane hold the tiny baby.

- when they get home after new years day advanced reader copies of jane's book are moving around to reviewers and booksellers. rafael is still torn about quitting his job because he enjoys it but he also can't stop thinking about the bakery in italy and starts baking all the time, something he had never done before and is actually really good at and calms him down when he's stressed out.

- jane's book is released in early march. she's been feeling weird and nauseous for a bit but blames it on nerves about the release and all the changes going on until she passes out and alba makes her take a pregnancy test. she thinks the idea is ridiculous because raf is sterile so she is SHOCKED when it's positive. she is so overwhelmed with emotions because while she and raf opened the conversation to adoption again it's still a distant idea and they had never considered this. she doesn't even know how to tell him so she just bursts into tears when he gets home and blurts it out. he just crosses the room and holds her for a long time.

- they're quiet about the pregnancy because they know it's delicate and a miracle so it isn't until jane starts to really show even over loose clothes that they tell petra and the kids. rafael decides to finally quit the real estate job when jane gets busier with book proceedings as her success climbs AND she's pregnant so he lowkey becomes a stay at home dad but not before finding a perfect house for all of them to move into before the new baby comes.

- this pregnancy is different than the one with mateo in almost every way but it also brings back those memories like they can joke about how h*rny the hormones make jane and she finally opens up about how it was like that the first time too. and all those differences they used to have don't exist anymore so all that matters is making sure jane is comfortable and the baby is healthy. the pregnancy is a little harder this time just cause jane is older and gets tired easier but otherwise it goes as smoothly as possible. the move to the bigger house is really easy cause they use movers who do all the work which makes jane feel bad so she gives them a huge tip but it's okay cause her book is on the bestsellers list.

- when she goes into labor it's scary because they never experienced this part alone and together. it happens in the middle of the night and mateo is too excited for 3 am so they have to drop him off with alba on the way to the hospital. rogelio and xo get on a plane the second they get the call and the whole family is there when she's born. the baby is a girl and they name her milagro, which means miracle in spanish (and the names mateo and milagro are cute together) so now mateo has three sisters and he LOVES it.

- eventually jane's books obviously start being adapted for televison and rafael opens his own bakery which his business and hospitality background is still helpful!!

[bookswritinghappiness]

Title: Recommended for You • Author: Laura Silverman • Number of Pages: 272 • Rating: 4/5 Published: September 1, 2020 • Read: August 8, 2020 - August 17, 2020

Official Description: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before meets You’ve Got Mail in this charming and hilarious rom-com following two teen booksellers whose rivalry is taken to the next level as they compete for the top bookseller bonus. Shoshanna Greenberg loves working at Once Upon, her favorite local bookstore. And with her moms fighting at home and her beloved car teetering on the brink of death, the store has become a welcome escape. When her boss announces a holiday bonus to the person who sells the most books, Shoshanna sees an opportunity to at least fix her car, if none of her other problems. The only person standing in her way? New hire Jake Kaplan. Jake is an affront to everything Shoshanna stands for. He doesn’t even read! But somehow his sales start to rival hers. Jake may be cute (really cute), and he may be an eligible Jewish single (hard to find south of Atlanta), but he’s also the enemy, and Shoshanna is ready to take him down. But as the competition intensifies, Jake and Shoshanna grow closer and realize they might be more on the same page than either expects…

Author Bio: Laura Silverman is an author and editor currently living in Brooklyn, New York. She earned her MFA in writing for children at the New School. Her books include Girl Out of Water, You Asked for Perfect, It’s a Whole Spiel, and Recommended for You. Girl Out of Water was a Junior Library Guild Selection. You can contact Laura on Twitter @LJSilverman1 or through her website LauraSilvermanWrites.com.

My Review: I received a digital ARC of this book from Simon and Schuster as part of my participation in this blog tour in exchange for an honest review.

I found out about Recommended for You a few months ago, and when I saw the description and the words “rom-com,” “teen booksellers,” and “Jewish,” I immediately was beyond excited for this book, and that excitement only intensified when I was invited to be a part of this blog tour and got to read the book early!! I rarely get the opportunity to read rom-coms about two Jewish characters, so the fact that this book even exists means the absolute world to me.

I’ve never worked at a bookstore myself but I’ve always thought it would be at least a little bit fun, so I loved living vicariously through Shoshanna and her job at Once Upon. Seeing her get a little too excited about her favorite books (relatable) and then have a moment of “what do you mean you don’t read?!” when she finds out that Jake doesn’t read for fun (also relatable) was such a perfect introduction to her character and her relationship with Jake. Enemies to lovers has been one of my favorite tropes since I read Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston earlier this year, so following Shoshanna as she hate-crushes on Jake while competing with him for the prize money was such a blast. Speaking of Jake, Jake is such a Nice Jewish Boy (or as my friends and I say, NJB), and he’s such a wonderful love interest. I won’t spoil anything, of course, but the baking scenes with him and Shoshanna were some of my favorites.

I think my favorite thing about this book is how casual all of the representation in this book is. There’s the obvious one, of course, and the one that’s the most relatable to me: the Jewish representation! Reading a book set in the wintertime with a main character that talks about her excitement for dreidels and latkes instead of Christmas lights and candy canes meant the world to me. And not only does she talk about Hanukkah, the phrase “oy vey” (along with other Yiddish words and phrases) shows up multiple times in her internal narration and in her dialogue, and she even refers to herself as a Nice Jewish Girl (which is an actual phrase my friends and I use)! A lot of Shoshanna’s character feels so true to my own life, which I don’t take for granted, nor do I take for granted the fact that there are multiple Jewish characters in this book. Authentic Jewish main characters (and characters in general) are rare in media overall and especially so in YA novels, and I hope that I’ll see more Jewish representation like this in the future. But I’m not just talking about the Jewish representation. Multiple significant supporting characters in this book are members of the LGBT+ community, including Shoshanna’s parents, and their identities are treated with respect and are just a small part of these characters’ personalities. Myra, the owner of the bookstore where Shoshanna works, uses a power wheelchair, and her character’s role in the story has nothing to do with that particular part of her life. Daniel, Shoshanna’s “work husband” as she calls him, is Black, and just happens to be Black; it’s an important aspect of his character, but not the only one. All of the representation in the book is written this way, and it’s so lovely to see.

Honestly, my only objection while reading this book involved Shoshanna’s motivation behind a pivotal decision she makes involving one of her friends. I’m not going to go into detail in order to avoid spoilers, but I felt that her thought process behind it was a bit of a stretch.

Overall, though, Recommended for You feels like a heartwarming Hallmark Christmas movie in book form, or at least what I imagine Hallmark Christmas movies are like — I’ve never actually seen one! If they are anything like this book, though, I definitely should marathon them all this holiday season. In all seriousness, Recommended for You had me smiling like an idiot the entire time I was reading, just like all of my favorite rom-com books and movies do. I absolutely loved reading this book, and I highly recommend you all check out it now that it’s finally published : )

Recommended for You on Goodreads This Review on Goodreads My Goodreads

Laura Silverman’s Website Laura Silverman’s Twitter

[survivoraqualand]

Immunity #1 Results

All right, Proteus and Ceto! You both worked hard in these last 48 hours. I’m sure everyone is excited to hear the bedtime stories you both came up with.

First things first - let’s meet our judges.

LYDIA

Hi! I’m Lydia. I haven’t slept in two days and I’m really counting on y’all.

ALEX

Alex Abraham (they/them) is an indie bookseller, writer, and sidekick to an incorrigible 8-year-old sister. In addition to reading and writing stories about messy, magical kids, they love hanging with their dog and making Excel spreadsheets. Go follow them on Twitter @alex_abe_ !

OSKAR

Hi, my name is Oskar and I’m 12. I think I’m qualified to be judging your stories because I’ve read thousands of books in my life.

SHARIFA

Sharifa is a trans Egyptian-American director and playwright raised in South Carolina. She is the author of several amazing plays, one of which was recently produced as a staged reading by the Women's Theatre Festival and published in the Methuen Anthology of Trans Plays. She's also won a bunch of Tumblr Survivor and Sequester games, so she knows wtf is up.

Wow, we truly are among royalty here! Now let’s see what they thought of your stories...

PROTEUS

Lydia: What....the fuck happened to y'all to make you think THAT is a bedtime story?  I should feel at peace and not fucking terrified. I didn't understand the plot and it kinda dragged but I feel like it's just above my comprehension skills so I won't take off points for that. The sensory experience of this was well executed, between the sounds of the shop and the visuals.  But on the other hand...my senses do not feel ready for bed, so I don't know how to judge it. I feel incredibly overwhelmed by this whole experience BUT Jenna was absolutely amazing as usual. Raw talent, mad skills, my favorite.  Personally I think you guys went in the wrong direction here, but you really committed to it and I respect that.

Alex: This was so creepy in the best way. I am desperate for answers I know I'll never have. Great job!

Oskar: The editing was very well done and really improved the overall effect of a spooky story.

Sharifa: Really enjoyed the layering of the story with sound and visuals. Sometimes it was distracting, but you clearly defined the tone and feel for the audience. Overall the effort and creativity was really beautiful, and I was genuinely impressed with how y’all took advantage of different mediums.

CETO

+ Background Music: https://youtu.be/WgRfPc1lfJk

Lydia: Pancakes! This story made me really happy and I loved it.  It was simple and cute, I love that you illustrated the whole book! I felt like someone was actually just reading me a bed time story. It was very casual and natural, and on theme to a bed time story.  I'm not sure if you made the music separate out of laziness but I prefer it that way, and it's a nice way to help your friends (me) with sensory issues. There were some areas where I do feel like you guys were being lazy. Pancakes in a Corgi who lives underwater??? So he should be in a scuba suit...he's gonna drown. And Jolly feels like an underused character. 

Alex: I love Pancake. I, too, could forget my own birthday. He is a true everyman protagonist. Awesome work!

Oskar: This was a fun one and the music fit perfectly with the story, I can clearly see that a lot of effort was put into it. There was a lack of sensory details, but I don’t think that hurt the story.

Sharifa: This made me feel like a child sitting for story time and was absolutely adorable. The cartoon drawn visuals and the music was truly delightful. HOWEVER just because a children’s story was your median, doesn’t mean you treat it with any less integrity. At points the story felt sloppy and messy. I think there was a way to incorporate the theme more, and sophisticate your plot.

And now for the scores..............

.

.

.

.

.

By a margin of 21 points... PROTEUS WINS IMMUNITY!

Congratulations - the nine of you will live to see another day on this Bridge. Head on back to your watchtower and celebrate!

Unfortunately for Ceto, I’ve got no such good news. You nine will be the first ones to experience Sea Council, where you will have to vote out one of your own. You have twenty-four hours to decide who that will be.

Please send your vote to your host chat by 9PM EST tomorrow, December 8th. If you wish, you may also send a voting confessional to be read alongside your vote (ex: “My vote is for Sugar. VC: You have made my life HELL from day one. Forget you, go home, GOODBYE!”). At 9PM tomorrow once I have the votes, I will read them in your team chat and one of you will become the first person voted out of Survivor: Aqualand.

Time to head back to the watchtower and get to work. Good luck.

[andersunmenschlich]

Episode 4: Page Turner

This story follows a Dominic Swain. I was twenty-three, so that's... 22, 9, 27, 23. Talk about disorganization.

Dominic Swain is a theater technician who mostly does lighting, and one day he's going to see a play that's got a friend of his in it, a friend who he once had a fling with and hopes to again—which is a piece of information I really didn't need. Frankly the very idea of sex and romance makes me feel like vomiting and part of me would very much like to forget, if I could, how many people think they're brilliant.

I like people, don't get me wrong, but sometimes they disgust me deeply. It's a bit of a dichotomy. I wouldn't change them if I could, every part of them is a piece of what goes into making them so fascinating, but some things... well, some things I'd rather not think about too much.

Dominic Swain, then.

He's hanging out around the theater waiting for the show to start, and decides to spend the time in a secondhand store. I like secondhand stores. Things are cheap, and you get such a variety!

Apparently I like books more than Dominic does, though, because he says he usually doesn't bother looking through the book section. The book section is the best part of any store! Sure, some places don't have a very good selection, but it's still worth looking.

He finds an interesting book.

Oh, I like this story already. Imagine going into a secondhand shop and there, on the sci-fi/fantasy shelf, is an old book handbound in leather, written in Latin, and illustrated! With woodcuts! For four pounds, which I think is about five dollars US! Sure, it's been ages since I used to talk Latin with my family, but you'd better believe I'd be buying this Ex Altiora right away and doing some brushing up.

Dominic Swain notes that the book apparently used to belong to someone named "Jurgen Leitner," which strikes me as a pair of solid German names and makes me, as someone with a solid German name of my own, feel closer to this story.

Dominic also notes that one of the woodcuts (showing an empty night sky? somehow?) makes him feel like he's falling into it.

I have no idea how I would do a woodcut of an empty night sky.

Oh, wait—yes, I do! I'd cut a blank framed by trees or the tops of buildings or some such thing, so the viewer felt like they were looking up, past the world, into dark and bottomless space.

In any case, Dominic Swain buys the book.

He spends some time justifying his decision to pay the price set for it, which I find baffling—here's the book, here's the price, they go together nice and tidy and why, in the name of sanity, would you ever try to separate them except by the proper means of paying the price? But he talks about how there must have been some mistake in price-assigning and says he "felt like a bit of an arse for not letting them know how valuable it was," which I can't understand at all.

Value is not objective. Prices are assigned based on how much the price-assigner values the thing, not on how much the thing is "actually" worth—nothing is "actually" worth anything! If the book is more valuable to you than it is to the seller, well, isn't that your own good fortune?

Dominic Swain, like so many people, does not make sense to me.

He's alien to me on what seems to be an extremely basic psychological level... which is, of course, why I find him (and people like him) so extremely interesting.

In any case, he leaves the secondhand shop and realizes he's just about late for the play he was waiting for, so he runs off and sees it. He does not, apparently, particularly care for it—though he does like the job of acting his friend, Katherine, does in it... or he says he does, anyway. In my experience people tend to think everything done by someone they're hoping for a romantic or sexual relationship with is excellent right up until they get turned down, at which point they realize none of it was quite as good as they'd tricked themselves into thinking it was.

This is another reason to dislike that particular pair of human obsessions: they ruin your ability to perceive reality with anything even close to objectivity. They're known perceptual distorters: best to stay away from them.

More interestingly, he keeps noticing a faint smell of ozone throughout the play.

Now, I live in a reasonably ozone-polluted area, and I can tell you that though it's not horribly unpleasant-smelling or anything (at least not when you're used to it), it's bad for your lungs and hurts to breathe. At least, it hurts me to breathe it. I advise avoidance. Dominic can't figure out where the smell is coming from, which makes me think it's coming from the book.

...That's unfortunate.

I guess it makes sense with the title, though. Ozone is very much a thing you'll find in the heights—on Earth, at least!

He goes out with Katherine after the show. They have dinner and, to my relief, mutually decide that they're not interested in one another in either of those ways, freeing them up to have a conversation about the book.

Katherine tells Dominic he should get the book appraised.

Well, this comes down to asking an expert "What sorts of people would be willing to pay the most money for this thing?" which isn't an unreasonable question to ask.

At least, not if you're thinking about selling.

Even with the ozone, I admit I'd be tempted to hang on to the book, at least until I'd read it! Maybe I could seal it in Tupperware or something, keep it from poisoning me. Oh, a side note: Katherine's vertigo is triggered by the woodcuts, which means that's not a purely Dominic reaction. I like that! Apparently I have low blood pressure, so I experience orthostatic hypotension pretty regularly; feeling dizzy is kind of fun.

Dominic Swain says goodbye to Katherine, goes to his job, does it with no problems, spends some time after work hanging out with his coworkers (which sends a bit of a chill down my spine, thinking of doing it myself), and gets home late but not in a mood for sleep.

I do like his sense of humor, though.

"Oddly enough, I still hadn't learned any more Latin since I bought it twelve hours before...."

Hahaha.

He sits down to have a look at it anyway, and spends some time admiring the woodcuts. He says there are about twelve of them, mostly mountains and cliffs, but one of a tower circled by birds.

I like the sound of that one.

Then he gets enraptured by the one of an empty sky, though he has trouble looking at it for too long, which I suppose is the sign of either a very unsettling picture or a very drunk individual (he has been drinking). Or it might be both!

Wait, then he says "there wasn't much to the picture itself except for black ink and a few stylized stars."

That's not an empty sky!

I feel oddly cheated. Oh well—I suppose he meant there were no clouds or birds or... airplanes or some such thing. Just because "empty" means "without anything in it" to me, that doesn't prevent other people from using it differently (and confusing the living daylights out of me and anyone else who defines it the same way I do).

So Dominic Swain does some internet research and finally turns up something on eBay from 2007 (I would've been 28).

But it's not Ex Altiora. It's "Key of Solomon 1863 owned by MacGregor Mathers and Jurgen Leitner," and someone called grbookworm1818 bought it for... about $1500, I think that would be? But there's no picture, and this is all he can find that's even vaguely related to Ex Altiora.

So he calls it a night and goes to bed.

"I think I had a nightmare, but I don't remember the details," he says. That reminds me of the coffin from episode two!

He sleeps late, wakes up late, and spends the time before his shift going around asking booksellers about Ex Altiora. Apparently he's not interested in selling it, though some of them are interested in buying it—he just wants to know more about it, which it seems to me he could more conveniently do through, I don't know, READING IT?? What is it about Dominic Swain that he'd rather talk to people than study Latin?

Yes, I'm aware that most people are like this, but I really, truly don't understand it.

In any case, he finally finds a bookseller who's heard of Jurgen Leitner, and she tells him that Leitner was a rich Scandinavian recluse who was really into books back in the 1990s.

Apparently he'd pay ridiculous amounts of money for books, produce manuscripts he'd found somewhere and have them custom-bound, or even have authors write specific things for him (though she doesn't have any names, which is unhelpful).

One name she does have is "Mary Keay," the owner of a store called Pinhole Books, which Jurgen Leitner apparently bought from a lot.

So that's good information!

Dominic Swain works his shift, no news there, except that throughout he keeps smelling ozone (and maybe something else?) and getting dizzy, which makes me think that maybe Tupperware wouldn't be effective. That's unfortunate. I guess I'd have to sell the thing after all—but I'd definitely at least read it first! I have no objection whatsoever to actually learning a totally new language in order to read a sufficiently interesting book, and not only is this Ex Altiora very interesting indeed, I already have a foundation in Latin.

But apparently actually reading the book is an idea that just doesn't occur to Dominic Swain, who I'm coming to think of as a bit of a blockhead.

For once he doesn't hang out with his coworkers after the shift, and wanders the streets getting thoroughly lost instead. This is a thing I enjoy doing, though admittedly it's rather difficult for me: the town where I live is a small one, and after all I can't risk getting too far from home because what if I didn't make it back before sunrise?

I've cut it very close a time or two before, and each time it was very unpleasant.

Dominic Swain, on the other hand, apparently manages to wander right up to Pinhole Books, which is extremely interesting. Equally interesting is the fact that he's not surprised by this.

...Did the book lead him to the store?

What, he just wanders through the streets and falls up against a very specific bookshop?

Maybe Ex Altiora is hoping to get back into Pinhole Books?

A very old, painfully thin woman with a shaved head and every inch of visible skin tattooed over in some kind of writing opens the door when Dominic rings the bell. That... doesn't sound entirely natural, but then again I've met real people who looked similar, so who knows?

I'm reminded of Vinculus from Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell: a person with a book written on their skin, a person who is a book.

This strange book-woman is apparently Mary Keay.

Also, she's playing very loud death metal at two in the morning, which strikes me as extremely rude. Actually I think anyone who forces their music on other people, at any time, is extremely rude—but some people aren't satisfied with rudeness and have to take their actions up to a level that basically qualifies as assault.

I don't think I like Mary Keay.

Dominic Swain shows her the bookplate of Ex Altiora. She seems to recognize the name Jurgen Leitner, and invites Dominic in via not closing the door, turning around, and heading up the stairs.

Not sure I would interpret that as an invitation. Actually I probably wouldn't be able to go into the building. Too much noise—unless I had earplugs I wouldn't be able to so much as think.

Aside from the noise, though, the place sounds fascinating.

A labyrinth of books, piled high in every conceivable corner? I could spend a very long, happy time in something like that (and when I was done you can bet the place would be clean, tidy, well-organized, and thoroughly read).

Oddly, Dominic says he hadn't smelled ozone since he arrived, so... wait, he's been carrying Ex Altiora with him this whole time? He didn't say he went home after work and picked it up, so—well. I guess that explains why he was smelling ozone at work. Maybe Tupperware would work after all. In any case, either something in here is suppressing the book or it's gone inactive on its own.

She's not interested in Ex Altiora, apparently.

But she does offer to show Dominic Swain another book from the library of Jurgen Leitner.

He follows her into what sounds like a lovely, cozy little study: bookshelves covering every wall, packed with books, a clearly much-used desk and chair, and one patch of wall without shelves, but with a picture. Sounds like the sort of place I'd like.

The desk's covered with papers, and also features fishing line and a straight razor. You know, I don't actually own a straight razor?

I have lots of edged weapons—a machete, paired kama, loads and loads of knives—but I don't have a straight razor. Or a butterfly knife. Push daggers are also on my mental wish list, and of course I'd like something better than a simple assist open... whoops, I'm getting a little too far off topic. The point (heh) is that I don't think it's odd to have things like that on your desk, though Dominic Swain implies that he found it odd once he had time to think about it.

The picture is a painting of an eye.

It's a really good painting.

"Very detailed, and at first I almost would have said almost photo-realistic, but the more I looked at it, the more I saw the patterns and symmetries that formed into a single image, until I was so focused on them that I started to have difficulty seeing the eye itself," Dominic says.

That sounds excellent. I like that kind of picture: where tiny things add up to something big.

Now, I know that a lot of people would have trouble with a painting that looks like it's watching them. I know this because I remember the time my family got all those classical paintings for art study and we were putting them up all over the house—no one wanted anything with eyes in it in any of the bathrooms or bedrooms.

Also I read a study once in which it was proved that people behave as though they're being watched when confronted with just a picture of something with eyes.

And honestly, I often have trouble with eyes.

I don't like looking into people's eyes, because there's just so much information there that it's overwhelming. But a drawing of an eye? Well, that's different. You can stare at that as long as you like and it's not going to get creeped out, is it? A painting of an eye isn't going to mind if you just look at it, taking all that data in, without looking away or blinking or saying a single word... ever.

But it does remind me of Graham Folger's notebooks, doesn't it? "Keep watching." See, I knew having that information would be nice! It's always good to have information (even information you'd maybe rather not think about too much).

Under the painting, written in fine green calligraphy, are three lines:

Grant us the sight that we may not know. Grant us the scent that we may not catch. Grant us the sound that we may not call.

Which sounds like an invocation or a spell or a prayer to me, but... is it just me, or are the words oddly equivocal?

See, you could be asking for "the sight we may not know," or you could be asking for sight so that we may not know, like asking to be focused on one thing so you'll never see another. (I often get so focused on one thing that everything else drops away, so I know whereof I speak here.)

Also, is that last line asking for the ability to make noises you normally can't?

Only I would have ended the sentence with "hear," not "call."

Mary Keay apparently left the room for a bit while Dominic Swain was staring at the eye painting, and now she comes back in with two cups of tea and the information that "her Jared" painted it.

She doesn't drink her tea. She leaves it on the desk. This strikes me as a bad sign, and in Dominic's place I wouldn't've drunk my tea, either.

Dominic Swain, though, doesn't want to be impolite. So he tries to drink it, and it's old and nasty and tastes like dust and smoke and may possibly have poisoned him, though he doesn't say anything about that and apparently he survived to give this statement, so... maybe not.

Anyway, Mary Keay finds her Leitner and hands it to Dominic Swain.

Interestingly, it looks just like Ex Altiora, so these two must both be ones Jurgen Leitner had bound specially. This one's untitled and written in Sanskrit.

...And Mary laughs at the idea of reading it.

Well, fine. Be that way, Mary—I didn't like you anyway.

Oh. Then she walks over to the desk and uses it as a shade so she can stick the book into a patch of dark shadows. And the heavy metal music's stopped! That's a relief, not that I was imagining it in the background this whole time or anything.

And when she hands the book back to Dominic, the book starts dumping little, twisted animal bones everywhere.

See, that's just untidy. I disapprove.

Dominic wants to know if Ex Altiora does that, and Mary laughs again and tells him to check, so he opens it up and has a look and right away notices that some things have changed.

Somebody's turned up the contrast on the woodcuts, and there are new lines in the background of each picture, thick, dark ones stretching from the sky to the ground. And in the picture of the "empty" night sky, there's some kind of pattern, which Dominic Swain unhelpfully does not describe particularly well at all, though he does say he recognizes it. Also he becomes very dizzy and almost falls over and then decides to leave right away, which he does.

Apparently the smell of ozone is back, stronger than ever, and he falls down the stairs on his way out, giving himself a nasty bruise and a twisted ankle before getting out in the street and hailing a taxi and going home. With Ex Altiora. So... it didn't want to stay in the shop? Maybe it just wanted something that was there.

Oh, now he describes the pattern. It's the Lichtenberg figure. I know that pattern too, it's like a branching fern.

Though it looks different on different surfaces, depending on where the electricity started from and how it flowed, so that's still not a great description—but it's better than none at all, I suppose.

Dominic says he knows it from the back of his childhood friend, who got struck by lightning because of him. That seems unlikely to me. I mean, unless he staked his friend down and set up a lightning rod? Dominic Swain doesn't seem like the kind of person who would do that, though, so this is probably some kind of irrational guilt thing.

...Yup, that's what it was.

So he and his friend Michael Crew were eight years old, playing outside, it starts to rain, Michael says "Let's go in," Dominic says "Let's not," Michael says "All right," and then he gets hit by lightning right there? Yeah, that doesn't strike me as an "all your fault" sort of situation.

Oh, and now we know what the other smell under the ozone was!

Cooking meat.

So this book smells like whatever scent you associate with a traumatizing sky-related event? Maybe I wouldn't need the Tupperware at all.

Dominic Swain gets home and collapses on his couch, where he lies with a feeling that he's waiting for something. Looks like the book's still messing with his head (no surprise there). Eventually somebody knocks on his door, he opens it and somebody who sounds like either Kiritsugu or Harry Dresden on a bad day is on the other side: hair too dark for his skin, unshaven, tired-looking, long dark coat.

Dominic Swain asks if he's Jared Keay.

This seems like an odd assumption, but apparently it's correct because the man says yes, he is, and asks to see Ex Altiora.

Dominic shows it to him. He looks at it silently for a while—without touching it—then nods and offers to buy it for over $6000. At this point Dominic says he would've been fine with giving the thing away, except that he had the feeling that unless money changed hands it'd stay tied to him.

So he agrees and Jared leaves to get the money.

Dominic Swain, now all alone with a book which, frankly, I don't understand his reaction to (it's weird, sure, but isn't that just fascinating?) ...he decides to do some Googling.

He Googles Jared and Mary Keay.

And he discovers that Mary is dead.

Actually he discovers that Mary was murdered back in 2008, four years before this statement. She died due to too many painkillers, but then somebody flayed her body (probably with a straight razor) and used fishing line to hang the skin up around the study to dry. And then they just left her there, until the neighbors complained about the smell and the police found her.

Also, while she was an old lady, she had hair and no visible tattoos. (No word on how skinny she was or wasn't, though.)

So then Jared Keay went on trial for his mother's murder, which seems about right to me, and got acquitted after a certain piece of important evidence was deemed inadmissible, although nobody seems to know what the piece of important evidence actually was.

...A book...?

And then Jared comes back, because of course he does.

Dominic Swain lets him in. Jared Keay gives him an envelope full of money. Dominic gives Jared the book.

Jared avails himself of Dominic's solid metal trash can and burns the book on the spot. The smell of ozone clears right up. Dominic asks why he's burning the thing, but all Jared says is that his mother doesn't always know what's best for their family, which doesn't seem like much of an answer to me, especially when he could just say "What, doesn't it smell better?" or something like that.

Jared Keay picks up the hot trash can full of smoldering ashes and heads out. He does not, apparently, ever return the trash can. So that's rude.

...Ooh.

Mr. Sims says, "I suppose it was too much to hope that we’d finally dealt with all that remained of [Jurgen Leitner's] library after the incident in 1994," which... does that mean he's encountered supernatural books before? Back when I was five? And if so, why's he still a skeptic?

Apparently Jurgen Leitner's books are a currently active Institute project.

I wonder what the Magnus Institute is doing with those books?

He also says that his predecessor, Gertrude Robinson, was head archivist for over fifty years. Geez louise, that'll give an incompetent plenty of time to mess things up.

Also, it seems like Jonathan Sims definitely makes sure his assistants know which statements he's recording to audio before he records them, because they always have plenty of time to do research beforehand. He says the third one of his assistants, Martin, couldn't find any evidence that a book named Ex Altiora ever existed, so he had his assistant from the first episode, Sasha, give it a go and she couldn't find anything either.

I get the feeling Jonathan thinks Martin isn't terribly reliable.

Not sure why, since thus far he hasn’t shown any signs of incompetence, but I suppose Mr. Sims worked for the Magnus Institute for four years before becoming head archivist so he might easily know something about this Martin that I don't.

Also, he says "If there are Leitners out there that we haven’t even heard of, I fear that may be cause for some small alarm," and he wants the search for missing Leitners to be made the Institute's top priority in order to avoid harm to the world, so how in the heck is he still a skeptic? Is it that he only knows about specific types of supernatural phenomena, so he discounts all the others?

Maybe it's that.

They have no idea who donated the book to the secondhand store, none of the staff remember it, and they can't find any mention of Jared Keay after his trial except this one.

But Tim, with what I'm coming to think of as his usual disregard for rules, somehow managed to get hold of the official police report on Mary Keay's death, so we now know that the flayed skin left drying around the study had been Sharpied all over in Sanskrit.

...Wow, she really was a living book.

Except how does that work? Because the binding on that Sanskrit Leitner matched Ex Altiora's, and doesn't that mean she'd have to have belonged to Leitner?

Okay: Jurgen Leitner did stuff with Pinhole Books in the 90s, Mary Keay was murdered in 2008, and this story took place in 2012. So unless Jared Keay gave his mother's book-body to Leitner—oh, this just doesn't make sense at all.

The two must be separate.

Maybe Mary Keay's supernatural book can be used to turn people into books? Except that her body was still hanging around for the police to find, so... well, maybe that particular Leitner can summon book-corpses from local graveyards or something, who knows. Or maybe it just summons the skin, and the weirdly twisted animal bones it drops are what it uses for a base to hang the skin on?

Whatever the case, I'm really starting to get into this podcast.

[stephic-writings]

Fair Retail Endings -- FFXV x Retail Job Headcanons

So working retail is kind of fun, but it also can drive you bonkers. But after having a fun and silly conversation with my friends about it, why not imagine characters working the ever-so mundane retail jobs? This is a fantasy based on reality, after all. ;D

Also, please like my pun in the title. I’m very proud of myself for that.

Noctis Lucis Caelum -- 

For some reason managed to get a job at this fancy department store, but he doesn’t mind. Money’s money.

Has to wear a stuffy suit all the time, so that sucks.

But he drifts between most of the sections of the store to keep himself busy throughout it.

His favorite pass time is hiding in the home section and ‘testing’ out the beds. You know, so he can show customers.

He’s got this charming personality with him though, which alot of people like.

He gets asked alot if he’s ever wanted to model, but he has some flashbacks.

Prompto got him a bit flustered still.

A bit of lazier side when it comes to work, but if it’s done, that’s what matters.

Really good at go-backs though. It’s like he warps everywhere and drops it all off in the right places.

Has an awesome wardrobe because of that awesome discount that Ignis makes him use all the time.

Prompto Argentum --

Your friendly neighborhood video game store employee.

He mostly applied because he heard about the awesome discounts, stayed because the fellow gamers were actually really fun to talk to and help.

He gets more than he bargained for when dealing with the grumpy rich mothers who come in to get GTA for their five year olds.

Bothers him mostly that they don’t really care much about games, but hey, what can you do?

He gets in trouble because he wants to stay later after his shift to talk or help.

A good worker boy, but no. You’re gonna get in trouble, boy!

Drags Noctis into work with him on his days off to go shopping, and brags about his discounts and deals a bit too much.

But hey! Savings! And he gets that dope discount on the latest titles!

Everyone loves him at work, so they usually come to him and his enthusiasm about games.

Cries a little inside though, because he’d rather be at him playing games than working around the games he’d wanna play.

Ignis Scientia --

The others were both shocked and (slightly) jealous that Ignis got a job at the make-up department store of all places.

Wasn’t that place for just ladies? No, actually. And Ignis was quite alright with that.

Good pay, and he’s quite eager to make someone’s day by making them feel beautiful.

He easily became a make-up artist at the store when he showed off his skills on one of the girls, which caused the ladies to fawn a bit at it too.

He’s loved by the ladies that come in, because he does his best to make them feel great about themselves and is really truthful in what works and doesn’t.

Only judges the boys who go in and whine about their girlfriends being there.

Ladies are making themselves beautiful for you, so you can stuff it, sir.

Not a big fan of the gossip and rumors at his job. He’d rather keep to himself than get involved in catfights.

But considering how good he is at his job, and how well-loved he is by his clientèle, he stays until he becomes a director himself.

His favorite make-ups are usually the extravagant ones with a theme behind it, so Halloween is a blast for him.

Gladiolus Amicitia --

Of course he works at a sports store. What do you expect?

Even if you don’t like sports though, his enthusiasm alone kind of is nice to see.

Will not hesitate to throw his balls at you. His footballs.

He probably makes alot of those jokes with his coworkers too, just for the dumbass jokes sake.

Even though you don’t know a thing about sports, he can still talk about pretty much anything and everything.

It isn’t unusual for Gladio to be talking about sports for awhile, and then suddenly giving one of the younger guys a pep talk about something.

Very straight-forward about how women should do more sports too.

One time got into an argument with a lady who said her daughter should be playing with dolls, not playing football.

In came Iris, who Gladio got to talk about and inspire the little girl.

The little girl came back and said she was allowed to take karate, so that she can become strong and tough like Iris. Gladio shed a tear.

Ravus Nox Fleuret --

The scariest bookseller that you’ll ever meet.

Not only is he intimidating, but he’s very strict about how well-kept his store is and how noisy it is.

With him simply passing by, you can feel a chill down your spine.

Ask him about book recommendations, though, and he’ll give you some really good insight.

Painful honest when it comes to books though.

‘Don’t read that. The main character is atrocious.’

No matter how long ago you had come in and gotten your book, he always remembers what exactly you’ve gotten and will ask you how it was.

He goes into detail about all the books, making you question just how much he reads.

He reads alot. Like... Alot.

Kids think he’s a superhero because he can reach the top shelves without a ladder.

Cor Leonis --

The hot hardware store grandpa that everyone in town gossips about.

They don’t believe him when he says he’s not that old. Or not that young.

You go to him mostly for your tools for any job, but he also is a great teacher too.

‘I need to paint my apartment.’ He’ll help you find the perfect color, then proceed to lecture you on how to get that perfect even coat.

Old women lose their minds when he’s working in the flower and garden section that day.

They enjoy seeing him talk so serenely about the flowers.

That, and you know. Sweaty hot man and all.

Can’t go into the lumber section, unfortunately though. The sawdust makes him sneeze to much.

Plays it cool whenever dogs come in with their owners, but secretly loves the dogs and pets them when he can.

Keeps dog treats in his apron too. For just the occasion.