#i also hate making portfolios
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Love to have a 7:45am 'quick chat' with 12 hours notice and then be informed in said 'quick chat' that they do want a portfolio and now I'm having to rush to make one before I go on a trip this afternoon
#i'm so tired#and i've not packed yet#and now i have to do this#but they do seem very keen on me tho#they've got other candidates meeting with the company next week#and are rushing me because i already have bookbinding experience#so that's a positive for me#but argh#i just wanted to enjoy a fun little excursion with my brother#and now i'm going to be sleepy#and i just wanted to complain a little#welp time to take some photos i guess#and brush some cobwebs off my uni portfolio#i also hate making portfolios#it's the worst thing#send sympathies pls. i need the morale :(
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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great
i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually
#ramble#yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am#and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks#i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me#one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know#i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary#some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier#and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless#signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow
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does anyone have the time to bring me down
and can i sleep all night long,
to the drums of the city rain
(not ship art)
#waffled on putting this in the book club tag. but it's my reaction to reading the final volume. so i guess i should?!#trigunbookclub#does anyone else in here need some healing plant twins art besides me#i said myself i wasn't done in here but suddenly i feel shy about it since the tag is less active now...#i've related this song to them like 3 times already and this will not be the last time. sorry.#mashing my obsessions together makes my brain go brrrrr#i've painted a scene like this multiple times and i still have no idea how to paint it LOL...#also i HATE having to put the disclaimer in the body of the post but whatever ig#trigun#trigun maximum#trigun fanart#plant twins#vash the stampede#millions knives#artists on tumblr#trimax spoilers#trigun spoilers#my art#portfolio tag
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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I've been really digging at my brain about why your art is just screaming at me with how much I like it. And I think I came to the conclusion that you really just captured this almost perfect mixture of semi realistic style, that I think I want to hopefully reach at some point. This amazing style that captures a bunch of expression, as well as still keep this comfy feeling. I'm not anywhere close to where you've reached, but it's such an amazing inspiration to look at! Anyways, I'm done gushing about your art, love your stuff and thanks for helping me push my brain to strive further with my own art!
thank you <3<3<3 im really happy to hear i inspire you! i myself sometimes had negative thoughts that "man this artist is so cool im so behind them", but once i started to just draw what makes me feel happy and free, and focusing on perfecting things that i MYSELF want to be better, it became so much easier to create art. i wish you the best in your creative journey, make art that makes you happy, make art that makes you sad, make art without thought behind it, make self indulgent art that only you will get, experiment with different mediums and never let commercialism decide what your art should look like because its yours and noone elses
#ask#i added that last part in because so often online artists advice focus on the audience engagement#they SAY draw for yourself but then also say “do X so that it will look more appealing to the others”#and i hate that because it homogenising the whole point of creating something#making it more brand friendly and generically attractive#like they imply this is for your art portfolio or something when talking about self improvment#you can create weird shit thats a little cringe and gay and artists online never tell you that
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#starting to feel Real Anxious about my final assignments im so fucking stupidjfkddi#naurr cuz i feel it it my stomach this is NOT looking good i dont know how im gonna make everything but i just know that i gotta find a way#djdkdkdj this is NOT LOOKING GOOD I REPEAT I THINK im gonna get into an anxious episode which means im gonna feel like im about to have a#heart attack during the entire time im awake and im not gonna be able to sleep bc of it#nxnxxjdj this is great!!! and tem what's funnier is that i set myself up cuz i HAD time i HAD TIME i just didn't have the will#whats tem omg but anyways i feeeel it i feel it im gonna start feeling so bad tomorrow#ughim so fuckiggndn stupid#need to write an 8 page internship report due Thursday#a two page final assignment for history class due Wednesday#a group thingie due friday... i dont know if im gonna have the brains to write all of this during three days cuz tomorrow i wont have time#i have classes during the afternoon and night and i need to make a presentation for this other final assignment due tomorrow night so the#morning is gonna be about doing that lmfao im so cooked cuz i dont really have an easy time writing i hate writing specially academically s#like i hope i die i hope i get ran over or something#jfkskd came back to jot down that i also have a portfolio to turn in on friday lmfaooo
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ok actually i don’t understand how people can create so often… if im working on a painting, i cant write, and if im writing, i cant paint…. how do some people just casually drop arts AND fics every other day?! guess ill die
#ive been drawing lots and lots of men recently#drew ju yang if you know what i mean#but im using them for professional portfolio stuff so its tied to my irl self and not my fandomsona#so i cant post bc then everyone will know i write about two dudes having sex for funsies#also i have carpal tunnel in my left hand and im left handed what the fuck i think god is trying to shoot me tf down#god hates it when men do stuff!!!!!!!!!! men were meant to make buildings not art#im not cishet tho so im allowed to me a man who makes art and eats fruit#my buildings would fall down anyway#bc i don’t know how to use a hammer#anyway bye
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Atm im in the "i really want to share my art / all the thesis stuff BUT i dont want to resize all the bigass files" limbo
Gugga...
#1st world problems#15ish 100/70cm pics conversion to display size and making sure the quality stays nice#i hate doing it every time augj augh augh#uni#i also have to upload it to my portfolios and im going AAUUAUAUAUAUAUA#mY GIGS#like excited about pimped out folios and getting glazed by reviewers but also i hate waiting for this shit to load#like i just want to have fun doing some car stuff#im very excited about the fact ill get to pull a tree out of the ground via car#its the little things
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chat is season of the wish good so far
#oz.txt#season of the wish#destiny 2#ive been busy w/ finals n portfolio shit so i havent had time to play it outside of the intro mission#personally i'm not a big awoken enjoyer (i dont hate them i just never found them too interesting) so my brain kinda turned off from it#also every time crow speaks i gain a new reason to learn how to make pipe bomnbs#slash jay#i miss clover. i want to see my little robot again
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#yikeroni#really want to apply to that avatar academy trainee thing#like imagine???#but I literally don’t have a character designer portfolio put together and the deadline is in 10 days#also literally can’t afford to live in California for 6 months but my dad said he would help me if I really wanted to do this so I’m less#worried about that#but also#like would I reaaaallly even get in like the chances are prob so low#but imagine???#IMAGINE#fuck it dude#I cant not do things bc they terrify me#fully on that fake it til you make it mindset#I guess I’ll work my ass off getting a portfolio together and go from there???#FUCK#I also JUST got a new job I’ll hate to have to be like jk I’m leaving for 6 months ✌🏼#😭😭😭#I’m just venting
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Experiencing catharsis through angst and hurt/comfort fanfic but as soon as I stop the horribleness™ comes back
#like bro you did the catharsis why do you still feel like shit#i think im at the point where i like my current interest so much that NOT actively engaging with it makes me depressed#but engaging with it makes me feel too much emotions (good ones dw. but like the kinda joy that hurts your chest from its intensity thats#usually best in small doses)#so im just. constantly overwhelmed#also school sucks but thats nothing new#i hate ah art! art is difficult as a baseline but giving us free reign over our portfolio theme was a bid idea i have no idea what im doing#and my twcahers are sick of discussing it with me#so i keep making shit knowing i hate it and its probably not gonna be marked well#psii.txt#vent
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ATTN: CANADIAN VISUAL ARTISTS
i am begging you to please please please put your nationality in your bio. tag your instagram bio, artstation bio, tumblr posts, i do not care, just put it somewhere. i know americans are sooooo cool and never think they need to put their f***ing location and we all strive to be as confident, but i cannot be the only canadian editor struggling to find you!!! the canadian artist ecosystem relies sooo heavily on grants that only fund projects with a certain percentage of art from canadians and/or people who live in canada!!!! BUT I CANT GIVE YOU THAT MONEY IF I CANT FIND YOU! LET ME GIVE YOU THE MONEY AHHH
#canada#canadian#portfolio day#canadian art#canadian artists#i go through this once a year and it makes me want to pull my hair out#google is forever broken and ig is meh and twitter is dead and tumblr never worked in the first place and i am chucking loonies#no TOONIES around and cant find people for them#i also hate The Canada Empire but let me give u money
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Once again fighting for my life trying to stay awake and finish my last module assignment for one class. God i hate cornell notes so much at this moment.
#i did the two open quizzes/tests#kept getting distracted while doing them#maybe tomorrow or the day after i will put all my focus on my art class bc the portfolio needs to be done. i have 2 things to make just to#take their pics and add kt to the portfolio#and then i actually have to do some writing and maybe captions or whatever#god i have graduation tomorrow to attend to and i have to figure out a new outfit#bc the new shirt and the skirt arent going to work out#also idk how the weather is going to be so i might as well use the shirt and a jacket so it doesnt look as loose and boxy ig#like it fits in the shoulders but its super baggy and its supposed to be a cropped button up#i hate having a body#papuka rambles
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One thing I definitely dont miss from Being In College And Trying To Get a Art Career is everybody even slightly older then me trying to turn everything into a learning experience. Im glad now when I dont get accepted for a job I dont get a email back telling me WhAt MakEs A StRong POrTfoliO
#Im talking about internships I fucking HATED getting rejected for internships because every rejection was#Sorry we have literally 800 million people applying for this so we couldnt accept you obviously. Heres some tips for how to make your-#-portfolio better ! try again next year and you might beat out every single animation major in the united states (including the ones going-#-to private art schools like fucking cal arts!)#Also in general I did hate professors who were assholes and talked to me like I was 5#Especially in my last semester because I was imploding and dying and everybody thought it was like a me being lazy problem and not a#I definitely have a undiagnosed mental illness problem. I left with all C's#Which sucks but I am proud of myself for not actually failing out considering how bad I was doing.
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lot going on lots good lots bad but it’s WEIRD bc i’m still like surprisingly pretty present. exhibiting mindfulness and healthy coping mechanisms
#‘healthy coping mechanisms’ 2 cups black coffee one cup green tea one large celsius one protein shake. Sue me!#i’m sure running’s been doing something to me but man i couldn’t tell you what exactly#i think i just feel fresher this year. or semester i suppose#no more random ties to high school friends who don’t care about me#best friend’s always busy which sucks but i actually talk to people on campus more now?#been moving more & focusing on nutrition in a way that doesn’t make me hate myself#i’ll be moved out of this house by the end of this eeekend#Eek! not changing that it’s funny#but#it’s interesting#like yeah i’m also more stressed than maybe ever before 💀 but like#idk i guess i kind of like it#resume type shit I love adversity!#i need to do an extracurricular or like volunteer or some shit#bc obviously i need to pack my schedule even more#i just think that’d be like the college admission icing on the cake yk#bc my SAT score is kinda mid for any major tech schools#i also have to lock in and make some kind of art portfolio if i wanna get into like. any. program i actually wanna do 💀 which bites#but that’s fine#lots on the agenda one day at a time#i’m getting stress sick though which is marginally less fun#modcheck
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Sometimes I have an urge to make sideblogs but I never get to them. Idk on one hand I like having my things organized but at the same time... Eh..... Sometime it get confusing.
#terii.txt#debating on making yume sideblog but like EH... EHH... i only really have one serious one (kabu) but until i actually get around to playing#swsh i wont be acting all serious (currently playing pkmn ruby for the convenience of having a lil game on my phone bc im very spoonsless)#idk idk idk. part of me wants a fresh start but like EH... i like it here.#my ass kinda scared of twt rn so i dont rlly post stuff i just lurks#and i hear abt the yumetwt whatevers there too @_@ woowoo.. scary#nyways. i also just straight up forgot abt the photography sideblog i wanted to make. idk. i miss taking photos...#i do have the url and blog but idk. its always a hassle to reupload ur works and tag them all accordingly#but hey itd be a good photography portfolio!#also bc I HATE INSTAGRAM WITH A BURNING PASSION. FUCK INSTAGRAM FUCK META 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#nyways rant over#edit: sorry rant not over i realized i dont like doing this bc my ass never in one main fandom#like sometimes im here for years sometimes im here for like 5 months#so like i dont see myself dedicating my blog identity to one thing or brand#i hate branding im just terii
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