#welp time to take some photos i guess

[sapphictea]

Love to have a 7:45am 'quick chat' with 12 hours notice and then be informed in said 'quick chat' that they do want a portfolio and now I'm having to rush to make one before I go on a trip this afternoon

[suratan-zir]

You know how they say that cats in the house keep mice away? It's also believed that mice will not settle in a house where rats live.

Welp, guess what. We have two cats, rats and a dog in the house. We also live on the second floor. And we have a mouse living in our kitchen wall. Assuming it's only one mouse, which is unlikely, I know.

I named the mouse Gronk. Gronk loves living on the edge. They made a hole in the wall directly by the cat's food bowl. I observed how Gronk came out of the hole, went to the bowl, most likely took some food and calmly returned back to the hole. He (she?) is beautiful, grey and tiny. If you know anything about me, I have an unhealthy obsession with rodents. My poor heart could barely handle the cuteness.

The problem is - our cat discovered Gronk first. He now knows there's mice and from time to time tries to find them. I don't want him to injure Gronk and leave him to die a painful death. We ordered some humane traps, but it will take days to get here. We used to have one, but I gave it to Savita… After that, every day she would send me photos of the mice caught in the house she was staying, untill the mice infestation on the frontlines became so bad that she got sick of trying to save them.

Anyway. I tried setting up a trap with a bucket and peanut butter. But Gronk is smarter than that. Hopefully Gronk doesn't give birth to twenty more baby Gronks in our walls while we wait for those traps…

[squiddlysq]

Sun & Moon Throughout the Pizzaplex

I recently got ahold of Security Breach & played through it for the first time last night & was kind of obsessed with alot of the environmental details I was finding, specifically in relation to Sun & Moon.

I feel like in fic it’s always implied that the daycare is super closed off & there’s like no mention of the attendants anywhere else in the plex & that their merch is confined exclusively to their gift shop cause they’re sort of cringe or unpopular with older kids. HOWEVER their stupid little faces were basically everywhere I looked & I wanted to show both that and a couple of really cute unique props I found. I know there’s like basically no crossover between the sun & moon fandom and People Who Have Any Intention of Playing Security Breach so I wanted to just compile a bunch of the stuff they have around the Pizzaplex here for easy access by anyone who (understandably) doesn’t want to play the game. I’m putting under a readmore so I don’t clog the tag with a giant ass photo post but I think these things are cute as hell & some of them I’d literally never seen, in the tumblr fanbase OR in any of the playthrough’s I’ve watched through so take a peep if you wanna see Sun & Moon appreciation throughout the Pizzaplex.

First I just wanted to show that they’ve got multiple stands to themselves for merch in the main lobby gift shops ! Like as SOON as you enter the game proper you’re basically immediately hit with these guys;

And these cute little Sun shirts that are scattered throughout the plex giftshops;

These I think people are more likely to have seen but I still think the bathroom decals are so cute & I personally had only ever seen the Sun one in game footage so ! Here’s both;

Onto the more exciting stuff look at this ARCADE MACHINE !!! It’s looks like a regular clawgrab machine except it doesn’t have any prizes loaded into it, the design is so cute though;

Again I’m sure most people have seen this but I love Sun’s shit ‘BANNED >:(’ poster so much & it is ALL OVER kid’s cove;

This one is my absolute favourite I’ll be real, snooping around the backrooms of Roxy Raceway I found Sun & Moon themed go-karts and absolutely lost my mind;

At first I just found two tucked in a dirty corner and I was like ‘Welp guess homophobia strikes again’ BUT there were several of them scattered around with the other karts & several (^^^ in the pic) laid out ready to go on the track.

& just a couple other miscellaneous things, like this cute little logo I found in the backroom of the theatre that I don’t think I saw literally anywhere else;

& this tiny shit 3 pixel art of the boys on their section of the pizzaplex map lmao. I think they’re literally just in their poses from the daycare statue but it’s still a cute doodle;

There’s also these Moon faces up on the Faztheatre sign which I’d never seen before ! (Ignore me visibly wandering around taking screenshots of the environment when I’m supposed to be running for my life)

& lastly I just wanted to show these like, dedicated merch counters they seem to have in the prize counter room cause they’re cute as hell & Moon even has a collectible figurine on sale which. Canon confirmation of an adult nerd fanbase for the daycare animatronics in universe I guess;

It’s repeat textures so I won’t bother with pics but they’ve got posters and plushies and pictures literally ALL over the Pizzaplex it really sweet. Like they are not neglected in the plex marketing literally at all. I even found a Moon screen inside one of the arcade karaoke rooms for some reason. Bonus this note you can find made me heehee. Moon scaring the shit out of children like it’s his job;

[melted-sweets]

♡ ── “ VALENTINES DAY . . . ” | 1/?

Felicity:

Alright… If you ever think she will be excited about the day of love, you can tell that she is… Exploding like a star somewhere in the galaxy as she is very excited about this special day with you…

Other than that, this (quite a) mischievous court jester has some… Bunch of plans and revisions of it that it ended being only 2 plans that were made it… Yeah, you can tell that she is absolutely would go to extreme lengths of making this day a fantastic memory to remember!

Without further ado, It is time to reveal the first plan… And is… Baking but this is not an ordinary baking experience but more like… “MAKE MORE, MORE SWEETS!”

And you want to guess what happened next on the baking section? Sweet shenanigans, of course! And why is that? Because Masky Feels decided if it would be funny to join with you guys and it all ended with 50% success and 50% of a mess! What a 50/50 ratio right there!

Now, to the second plan is a bit more normal than whatever that you guys have committed… And that is… Going to a carnival!

She thought that it would be quite a fun time to spent together on Valentine’s Day as carnival dates on Masky Feels’ kingdom is always up to date with the national holidays which makes it a little bit more exciting, fun and unique other than the mini games and so much more (It’s kinda inspired from Penacony from Honkai Star Rail for the major aesthetic of Masky Feel’ kingdom as it’s the kingdom of entertainment)!

From the roller coaster to the mini games, you can tell that she is having fun with it despite her being an adult (in appearance) since these are usually done by families who wants to entertain their children but hey, everyone of all ages can enjoy it, right?

And so… Once the sunset is almost passed and the moon shall be shining, you decided that in order to remember of all these fun times that were refreshing for you and her, a photo shot shall do the trick and kaboom! You get a fantastic photo of you and your silly partner on this romantic day…

After that day had to come to an end, you and her decided to make it being a matching profile picture somewhere in a chatting app and now, you officially got the “silly person x their better half” thingy going around you guys!

Though… As she is a renowned court jester, there would be someone who would have got you and her on a date which is going to be… Something else once you opened the news section on your phone or get yourself a newspaper and see the rumor section… Oh dear!

Ayama:

As she is an alter ego of Felicity, things are going to be very different, seriously.

Like she is just… Straightforward, serious and stoic most of the time but there were those times where she just… Lower her guard a little bit… For you. Yes, you.

And why is that? Because you are her… Darling, honey, dearest and more words that she literally called you and yes, it may sounded cringy but she’s an old lad despite her appearance of a young adult woman on her 20s so of course, she’s going through the “old love” route.

Anyways, as for her plan is… Pretty much simple as what it is such as taking a walk on a park on the day as she feels like it would be working just fine… As she would put it and since she lived in the same kingdom as Felicity… Things would be a bit noisy especially since you have entered the world of entertainment where everyone can have their fun and simply enjoy their life while it’s on the blast!

As for going to a park plan, it… Kinda work I supposed… I mean… It did started raining shortly after both of you entered the famous park for its greenery and other stuff… Welp, be glad that Ayama prepared absolutely everything so you can able to protect yourself from the rain by her umbrella.

“Quite unexpected, isn’t it?” She said as her glimmering eyes with those teardrop pupils looked at you, still no smile but there is a light on the both of her eyes… Unlike Felicity.

“Yeah… I’m glad that you bring your umbrella with you because otherwise, we would get wet for good!” You replied, as you and her carefully taking your steps on the park as (almost) everyone is simply minding their business… Except for those who are… A fan of Ayama… Another “uh oh” moment right there!

“Omg, is that her?!”

“Mom, look! It’s the lady that I talked about from a few days ago!”

“Wow… She still looks so elegant… Even on a rainy day like this!”

Ahh, those voices that she always heard every time… How fantastically repetitive it is for her ears.

“Wait a minute… Why is she with another person? Are they dating or something?”

“Ahhh! I wished I can have a nice walk just like Ayama and that lucky person with her~!”

“Wow… I never seen Miss Ayama with someone rather than Miss Felicity so this is new stuff!”

Welp… Here we go again.

“Ugh…” Ayama got annoyed by the fame that she is receiving at this point, it feels like she has stuck in a place where the public eye is watching her every move and she doesn’t want that in the first place but of course, there’s gotta be some people can’t simply listen about someone’s boundaries which makes things just seem so… Shitty.

“Are you alright, Ayama?” You said, hearing her getting more annoyed about the people who is… Watching them at this moment.

“Dear, hold my hand.” She whispered softly, her voice is quite smooth as honey when she said that.

“Sure…” You said as you hold her hand and so, she quickly yet swiftly run away from the crowd as everything is starting to get so… Dizzy to the point that you wanted to pass out but a magic trick have appeared by Ayama that makes both of you run as fast as possible.

After that fast run, you managed to come back to the kingdom once again but sadly, you passed out as the dizziness has taken over you… Ayama can’t help but sighs as her plan has completely… Failed, miserably.

But hey, at the very least… She can able to spend some time with you on this day as the time shall keep going and everything shall vanished, soon… And she can’t help but will feel the loneliness once again if she ever loses you.

[brandogenius]

mmmmm me thinks lucy would have a polaroid photo of you in the back of her phone case 🤸🏽

Maybe she forgets and the fans see it one day and she’s like “welp, secrets out.” But instead of being embarrassed she just starts showing other pictures of her partner like “look at my baby🥰”

-🐹

UM YES?! ABSOLUTELY

say it’s at like an interview thing (i forgot the word for it) where the boys are singing, taking questions from the audience and the interviews etc like a panel!

lucy going into full detail like “this is my gorgeous girlfriend look at her- she’s so pretty” and everyone going awww “i didn’t know you had a partner” “we were gonna keep it a secret for a bit while longer but i guess the secret is out”

she ends up taking out her phone and scrolling through some of her photos, the camera showing them on the screen. some of you and her on dates, cuddling or some candid photos of the two of you.

“is she here with us today?” and lucy nods grinning! the entire building starts cheering and lucy like waving to you from the corner backstage and you’re shaking your head like nu uh no way.

“she’s a little bit shy guys. another time”

[meechatuck]

Aftermath

“Ya just ran off! Off to yer own life, just like Quirin.Ya never cared about any one of us Adira!” Hector spat, ignoring the searing pain in his body. He cursed his weakened state as a burning sensation bubbled up behind his nose. “Specially me.”

Adira stalked towards him, a hellish anger painted on her face. He braced himself. Hoping, praying, that she would hit him.

Instead, she fell to her knees in front of him. Arms rose and wrapped around him. Hector fought the sensation, waiting for her to constrict him, but it never came.

“You idiot,” Adira’s muffled voice made him freeze. They sat there for a moment. Adira holding him in a close embrace. Hector still frozen, unsure what to do.

“I never stopped caring for you, brother.”

He felt a lump form in his throat. Her broken voice bringing him into the light.

“I never stopped loving you, Hector.”

_______________________________________________

Welp...I finally colored something. This takes place after everything with the Great Tree when Adira is caring for Hector. I kind meant for this to have some Hectira vibes, but it could just be platonic as well. You chose.

I am proud of some things in this...but not my background. One day I will be able to make a decent background. Turns out I can draw tears and wounds with ease. Guess I need to draw more angsty stuff haha. This did make me remember why I hate coloring stuff so much though.

I HATE SHADING WITH A BURNING PASSION.

I dunno. My brain just has such a difficult time wrapping around that concept and I tend to REALLY overthink it. Although I have to give a shout out to Winged Canvas on YouTube (and other platforms) for the helpful videos on how to shade in digital art and such. Her video’s have helped me a lot so far.

I did use a very helpful reference for this pose. Here is the link. https://twitter.com/278byaedeok/status/1378919862165114885/photo/4

[burntblueberrywaffles]

2, 7, 18, 20 and 21 for the end of year asks!!!

2-Album of the year?

Good Riddance by Gracie Abrams!

7-Favorite actor of the year?

I dont… actually care about actors? Like I’ll enjoy their performance if they’re in a show/movie I like but it’s the characters i get obsessed with, and when I see the actors out of character the vibes are completely off, bc they’re not my blorbo, yk? So I usually won’t go out of my way to check out the rest of their work lol - but if I had to name one I guess I’d have to say Hayden Christensen just bc I have been very very normal about Anakin Skywalker and his pretty face this year 🙈

18-A memorable meal this year?

Gotta take it back to the complete beginning of the year, when I was in Japan this January and we went to a Shabu Shabu restaurant where we had a set time to eat and could order as much wagyu (and other stuff lol) as we wanted it was so so delicious I still think about it 😩

(here's a photo I took from google to illustrate the kind of meal lol)

20-What’s something you learned this year?

Good friends are the greatest blessing

And some things aren’t meant to last forever, it’s important to learn to let go, even if it’s painful and scary

21-What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?

Welp, I still live in my parents house, same as always and I don’t think there’s really been any changes?? So I guess the biggest novelty is that I hung up on my wall the plaque I won when I won third place at the intercollegial poetry contest thing 🤭 (that or the giant box filled with yarn now sitting in a corner of my room bc crochet has taken over my brain LOL)

end of the year asks

[sanhatipal]

Rozen Maiden custom Shinku figure!!!

This was one long project holy!! I managed to finish making the video too, I'll post that after Christmas,but here are some photos!!

So I got the beautiful Suigintou scale figure with @k-amui 's help,and was going to display her with a Shinku doll I had started making once upon a time,but realized the doll was nowhere near as dainty (it was mainly chibi styled,nendo proportions) and after some pondering, decided not to compromise. So I set out to sculpt Shinku. Ironic, because I don't really like her,but like her aesthetic and her contrast to Suigintou

At first time I thought it would be...well I knew whatever I do it would still take time, because scales are WAY more time consuming than chibis, and I know that,but I hoped to minimise thar,by avoiding resin casting at the very least...guess what didn't happen :)

I sculpted everything by hand with Hearty paper clay,cold porcelain clay,epoxy putty and resin,in the end using only the legs and stand of the figure I started with, building everything else from scratch. Welp. No shortcuts I guess....

It took a full week,but I'm very happy with how she turned out,and I'm very pleased with my display now!!

Bonus: way back from the "photoshoot" because it looked kinda cute:

[destinyc1020]

I guess anon probably means that they have never taken a long vaca since most of the ones they’ve been on have been short

But they usually take "short" vacations anyway?🤷🏾‍♀️ Especially if one (or both) are busy with WORK. Isn't that how MOST ppl are? 🥴

Tom and Z are BUSY.

The only time I've seen a "long" vacation was when Z was unemployed due to her calendar already being free for Euphoria filming, and then Sam wasn't ready with the script until like 5 MONTHS after filming was supposed to start 🙄....

That's literally the ONLY time. Most of the time, these two are either working, or just enjoying time at home.

Besides, YOU try being a celebrity trying to take a week or two-week "vacation" in peace, when hotel or resort guests figure out that you're staying there, and then pics get snapped, and fans come from all over the woodwork to try to get a photo with you. 🥴 Some "vacation" huh?

I still can't believe the madness that ensued when Tom was just trying to visit Sam and have a vacation in Scotland. 🤦🏾‍♀️😩

Needless to say, they left that hotel.... 👀

It's exhausting. In fact, staying only BRIEFLY somewhere is probably for their own benefit due to their fame level, and the fact that they prefer to live privately. Jmho 🤷🏾‍♀️

[thegrimreaper-probably]

BRAINS! by Aurelio Voltaire

(gender neutral reader is call it/ y/n) Alien Reader x Gravity Falls

Really quick trigger warning for blood/gore!

“HIIII Candy! Want to hang out with me?” I ask as I role off the couch.

“Oh I can’t right now Mabel. Me and Grenda are school shopping tomorrow so we have to go to bed early. Maybe next time?” I say okay and hang up. Maybe Dipper wants to play!

“Hey-!”

“Sorry Mabel, can’t talk. I have to help Ford with something.” Dipper opens the vending machine and leaves.

“Ughhhhhh.” I lay face down on the floor.

“What’s wrong little dudetta.” Sues asks.

“Everyone’s busy with boring stuff.” I mumble.

“Bummer, can you hand me that hammer?” He ask I get up and hand it to him.

“Welp I guess I’ll find waddles, Byebye!” I wave.

“Bye-.” I run upstairs and find Waddles sleeping. I lay on top of him but he gets up and leaves.

“Not you too waddles.” I sigh and look outside, the sun was setting as a huge green thing flys by.

“Woah!” I run downstairs and out the house into the woods. I fallow the smoke to an open area to see a thing? It’s hair was green with black eyes and it was very tall.

“Well hello there little girl. Now don't be shy. Step right up, I'm a reasonable alien! Don't be frightened by the look in my eye!” It says I walk a little closer and wave. It grabs my hand and pulls me closer it’s flips me upside down and shakes me. Then tries to look in my ear, it must be some alien greeting!

“I’m Mabel Pines! Did you say you were an alien?!” It puts me down and looks down at me.

“Yeah, I'm just your average ev- good meteor from outta the sky! Well could you help me? I'm just shy and scared in this…” It pauses probably not know where it is.

“This is Earth! You never said what your name was. Is it like super hard to say? Cause I bet I could say it!” I jump excitingly.

“Oh where are my manners? My name is y/n. If you don’t mind me asking what are you doing here, alone?”

“Oh well my friends didn’t want to play with me, so I guess I’m here.” I shrug.

“Well as you can see that the trip has left me tired and drained.” Y/n says. It sits down with tired eyes.

“What can I get you? Water? Glitter Brownes?” I ask, maybe I can get waffles?

“Oh well I don’t really eat that stuff.” Y/n says sadly.

“How bout we make a deal? I’ll play with you forever or as much as you want, and you get me some food?” I nod.

“Of course! I mean it would be fun to be friends with an alien!” I says.

“So why don't you be a pal? And bring me some brains.” I shake my head no.

“I can’t do that!” I go to walk away but it stops me.

“But it won’t hurt! I promise! All I do is take a memory, like from when they were babies.” It says with pleading eyes.

“But people need their memories!” I says back.

“Well of course but no one remembers being a baby. Do you?” I think about it, my oldest memory being photo day at school.

“Well no. Where do I even go?” I says.

“Go down to Wendy’s place. See the dull expression on her face? You'd be doing her a favor if you brought her to me! She ain’t using her brain she’s just watching TV!” It says with a smile.

“Okay I’ll be back, you promise it won’t hurt?” I wait for answers before moving away.

“Not at all! Then we can play.” I walk to Wendy’s home and tell her to come with me. I mean y/n wouldn’t lie! I bring her and y/n does their thing.

“See she’s fine!” I look at Wendy, she looks normal.

“Now can we play?” I ask.

“Not yet I’m still hungry. Go down to Mr.McGucket. He hasn't had a thought since '43. His brain is the portrait of atrophy. He ain't using it, why not give it to me?” I nod and grab him, I mean there’s no harm!

“Brains, brains I won't lie I'll eat their brains 'til they're zombified. Sure they might think it's deranged but they won't give it a thought. After I've eaten they're brain. Brains, brains, It's okay It's not a matter if it isn't gray. And if at first they thinks it's strange. They won't think twice, if they don't have a brain!” I sing as I wait for the kid.

“Still hungry?” She ask, I nod my head and begin to talk.

“Go down to the Greasy Dinner, my fortune cookie says that I just can't stop. I'll suck the coffee right out of their heads. And half an hours later, I'm hungry again.” The kid brings a old women with an lazy eye and a lumberjack.

“Creep into the donut stop. Sneak in, tip-toe past the cop. Pick me up a cruller and a cupful of tea. And any other sweetbreads you happen to see!” She leaves again and I make the fools dances as I sing.

“Brains, brains, I won't lie, I'll eat their brains 'til they're zombified. Sure they might think it's deranged but they won't give it a thought. After I've eaten they're brain. Brains, brains, It's okay it's not a matter if it isn't gray. And if at first they thinks it's strange. They won't think twice. If they don't have a brain!” She brings more then leaves again as I jam out again.

“Brains, Brains, I love em, I need them! My tummy jumps for joy when I eat ‘em! Big ones, fat ones, short ones, tall ones, They're so delectable, especially the small ones.” As she brings me Bud Gleeful, Grenda, Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Durland and Gideon Gleeful. Each Brain I grow bigger and grow in knowledge.

“No time to cook ‘em in a skillet! My belly's rumblin', I got a need to fill it. I don't fry em, the heat will only shrink ‘em! I'll just grab my self a straw and I drink ‘em!!!” Now she back, she rubs her arm.

“Are you still hungry? Cause that the whole town. And you said we’d play.” She says.

“You've been swell to go around. And bring me every single brain in town…But with all these brains, I can't help but think! That there isn't three left out there to drink.” I get close to girl and smile.

“Now fess up kid, come on, heck. Is there people that you're trying to protect? Bring them down here to meet their end. And I promise I'll be your bestest friend. Brains, brains, I won't lie, I'll eat their brains 'til their zombified. Sure they might think it's deranged. But they won't give it a thought. After I've eaten her brain.” I smirk down at her as she freezes. I know I should play with dinner but what’s the harm in a little fun?

“You tricked me!” She steps back.

“No no! I just need them so I can be your best alien friend! We can play till your days come to a end!” She starts to run away but I have the lifeless fool’s chase her down. I stand to my full size, and laugh.

“HELP! GRUNKLE FORD! GRUNKLE STAN! DIPPER!” I hear Mabel yell as I run downstairs to see Ford and Stan wondering what wrong. Mabel slams the door close and locks it.

“Mabel if this is about snakes not having arms.” Ford says.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She yells Stan walks over to her.

“Kid what’s happened out there?” He asks

“I feed the town to an alien monster and now it’s after us!” She blurts out.

“An alien?” I ask.

“You did what?” Ford asks.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean it! Y/n said we could be friends but that they were hungry. I didn’t know this would happen!” Mabel says as she hug me.

“What happened to the town’s people then?” I ask.

“They’re zombified! Y/n controls them! They’re coming this way!” She let’s go of me and turns to Ford for some answer.

“No alien is going to mess with this family.” Stan says as he grabs a bat.

“What’s the aliens name again?” Ford ask an kneel down to Mabel.

“Y/n.” She says.

“Oh god, okay kids go into the basement. We’ll deal with this.” He stands up and opens the vending machine.

“No this is my fault I want to help.” Mabel says and doesn’t move.

“It’s to dangerous.” Ford says.

“Grunkle Ford, we’ve dealt with a lot. I think we can handle this.” I say, I usually don’t stand up against him but the towns in big trouble.

“Dipper you don’t understand. This has happened before, this beast will eat and eat. It controls their victim’s meaning it knows everything about this town. It knows where we are and how to get in.” He says and pushes near the door.

“So if it get you we’re over then!” I says.

“Kids he’s rights.” Stan says agreeing with Ford.

“I’m willing to take that risk for you two!” He says.

“Well I’m not! We need a plan!” Mabel yells back.

“You sure do talk a lot.” Y/n says as she breaks the window.

“AHHHH.” We scream.

“Oh come on I’m not that scary. Why not just get it over with, I promise it doesn’t hurt. Plus there’s nowhere to hide. The house is surrounded by the town’s people.” It says as it head rest on the window. Ford shots it’s face and it heals back.

“Did you just shot me? That weakly little gun has nothing on me.” It says with a smirk as it plucks the gun crushing it.

“Y/n go home.” Ford Pines says.

“I don’t think so. I mean I kinda like it here. Plus I don’t want to break my little promise to Mabel.” I say with a fake pout.

“The deals off!” Mabel yells.

“Well it makes no difference, you lack a brain to eat.” I say with a shrug.

“She has a brain.” Mason Pines or more commonly know as Dipper says.

“Well of course it just covered in glitter. I don’t know how you did that. It’s disgusting though.” I say with a fake gag.

“Mabel what the heck?” Dipper turns to her with disbelief.

“I want to see if-.” She say but gets cut off by Ford says.

“Kids we’re fighting a monster from outer space!” He yells.

“Right you are! You know I bet you’d taste wonderful.” I lick my lips I go to rip the wall more but get blocked by something.

“Y/N!” I turn around to see Bill Cipher.

“And you must be that Bill guy that Gideon was scared of?” I get up and it float to face me.

“That right names, Bill Cipher! The one who’s going to take over this place.” He says.

“Well sorry but the jobs taken.” I smirk back.

“It's funny how dumb you are to think that I can be replace.” I growl.

“Ha- you got some nerve talkin to me like that.” I say.

“Actually I have a your nerves!” I raise my eyebrow.

“What-.” He snaps his finger and has a pile of my nerves.

“Byebye!” I fall to my knees as he sets me on fire and returns people’s brains.

“AHHHHH!” The Pines scream.

“Uhh.” Pine Tree says.

“Oh hey Sixer!” I wave over.

“Bill.” He says angrily.

“Aww come on I just saved your pathetic life.” I say.

“Why?” Pine Tree questions.

“Well Pine tree I want to be the one to kill ya!Can’t have some nobody take my job as rightful king!” I say and laugh.

“Thank you.” Shooting Star says I turn to her.

“Shooting Star next time don’t make deals unless it’s with me. Anyhow Remember: reality is an illusion. The universe is a hologram. Buy gold. Bye!" I leave.

“So do we put them back home?” Dipper says as the town lays on our lawns.

“Let’s leave them.” Stan says I role my eyes.

“We can’t leave them here it’s suspicious.” I say and grab my teleportation gun.

“Fine but I’m not helping.” He walks off to bed.

“Mabel you did the right thing coming to us for help. Next time just think twice about monster and aliens. They aren’t ones to trust.” I say she nods. I shoot my gun and teleport people home. It takes a minute but it’s worth it. I head of to the basement and add to the journal.

“Bring me they’re brains.”

[partyinthemysterymachine]

i don't have a high quality attention span atm so I'm browsing a little bit but i lOVE that your AUs have multiple iterations. Like man I FEEL that in my soul. Im interested in all your concepts but if I gotta zero in rn I'm looking to some Apartment AU stuff. Henry Stuff (always wanna hear about henry stuff). James Stuff, James/Henry Stuff, uhm. Travis my dude. if you want?

LOL THANK U :3c!!! i love having like. 10+ different iterations of the same AU i can do So Much Damage it's Fantastic. (ask me about twitch streamer Frank Sunderland sometime, i've been blathering about it to a few other people lately but that one absolutely has one of the finer apartments in my head LOL)

uhhhHHH WELL. as far as Henry goes, here's some HC i got for him that goes along with Heya, Neighbor!:

green-eyed boy; but with a catch! one his eyes is going foggy (ha ha. no i'm serious, he's going blind) and it's kind of been coming on within the past couple years. he's seen a few doctors about it (or, partially) and the consensus is that it's not An Issue™️, just seems like you got a bad run of genetics there, Henry. :\

spoiler alert: It's Not About The Genetics, Henry

;)

late 20s - early thirties. tho i can also pin him about 35 in terms of age.

5'11"ish. maybe 6'2" on a good day if i feel like it for him LOL

likely trilingual: English/Spanish/Mandarin. (still working on the Mandarin tho, he's having a bit of difficulty with it. wouldn't call him fluent tho; rather, Trying So Very Hard/struggling, LOL)

prefers popping popcorn in a wok

actually goes to get pedicures because it feels nice. eileen sometimes joins him but it's kind of a "me-time" thing for Henry.

secretly wishes Douglas would ask him to take spy pictures for him. he thinks that would be so fucking cool and he would be so fucking good at it (true). but also the concept scares the bejeezus out of him because he is Not some kind of photographer James Bond. it's Complicated, ok. but douglas please ask him to take spy photos He Wants To Be Asked So Bad,

he is not from Maine. he's from Kansas. (he knows ur thinking it. don't do it tho. don't u dare do it.)

uhhhh NOT SURE WHAT ELSE FOR HENRY RN so hhghghghh who else we got...........

===

WELP... TRAVIS.

travis, travis, travis.. travis... travis.

now i got infected with a REAL TREAT of a hc for Travis awhile back that i'll be implementing just about everywhere LOL, and the basics of that is that Travis Grady is Silent Hill's trucker.

and that's all you get about THAT, LOL

(ok ok.. i guess i WILL say this: if u have to make a comparison between what Travis's Silent Hill Trucking Jobs entail vs what it means to be a conduit (Hashtag GOOMT!James Problems), what Travis is/does (hehe) is a tier above conduit. so do with that what you will ;) )

just like in HN! i largely hc Travis to be from Alabama, and kind of a short dude (5'8") and just a ray of goddamn fucking sunshine on two legs. i think he's just the sweetest little shit around and god bless him for that.

sure wonder about that guy tho. wonder what his deal is........

.. :)

===

can't say i have anything right now for Henry/James; however, i DO have an AU idea that James actually does become an essence/mechanic of the town after he parks his car in the lake; as in, he's no longer physical, doesn't quite exist, and is more of a spiritual essence - or residuals of one.

so in that way, it isn't like GOOMT. James's car is still in the lake, but he does not manifest as a person. for lack of better phrasing, he was sort of "absorbed" by Toluca Lake (i mean. that's technically actually true, LOL) and Toluca shared her powers and misery and whatever else with him.

well after the events of sh2, the town was weakened and i think that over time, James was able to gradually build up power from Toluca and, like.. leech off of Toluca as well as Silent Hill, and semi-overthrow the town to "claim" South Vale as his. like, firmly his. as in he's able to manifest Pyramid Head himself, and even "puppet" the other monsters that are there and on very, VERY few occasions, possess them if need be.

(tho possessing Pyramid Head is the "easiest" for him to do, ofc, tho because he can't do this enough to get any real practice in or understand it beyond the duct-tape basics, he has no idea what he could actually accomplish with this or what necessities it would offer; it does tho take a LOT out of him so this is why he doesn't tinker with trying it out.)

James can't talk, either. he'd have to "talk" through monsters (like gesticulations, or monster placement - which is somewhat possible for him to do without possessing them, tho put a pin in that one because i'm not sure how that mechanic works yet LOL) but his presence IS absolutely heavily felt in the town. he's only one of the many set of eyes Watching You but he's also the most dangerous/suspicious/hateful.

chinhands. tbh i love Lake James. Town James? Vale James..? not sure what to call that one LOL. but i think about him every now and then. he actually was product of trying to conceptualize an RP (and this one had Cuban Boxer Harry too! from Brooklyn!!!) and tho that one sadly didn't get off the ground, i still keep both Town James and Boxer Harry very near and dear and close to my heart, LOL.

===

TYSM FOR SENDING ME THE ASK BEFORE BED ILU BAROOONNNNNN MWAH MWAH!!!!

[archer12xx]

Letters to Tobias...

--

1

--

Yo! I'm bored so I thought of writing you some letters. Of course, I won't give them to you~ Like I'd want you to read this stuff. Lol (also not sure whether you'd read them so...)

Anyway, I was at the mall with my friend the other day and I saw this pair of cool sunglasses and it reminded me of you. Then I wonder... When did things start reminding me of you? Still don't know the answer so I let it go.

Don't ask me if I bought the sunglasses. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. Who knows? My lips are sealed. :P

Welp that's all for today. I hope Vegas is fun for you~

-Me.

--

2

--

Heya~ Saw you on TV today! Man, you're really good at what you do, aren't you? Makes me wanna watch you in person. But we both know that's...

Anyway, today's my day off and I didn't really have anything planned. Talked to the others a bit but since most of them are busy (esp Brooklyn) we ended up splitting right away. Why weren't you there, btw? You're usually online even when you're up in the air... Uh no, I'm not saying I miss you. Uh... Maybe I do...? Lol jk I don't. It's just weird not to have you around, I guess. Got used to your presence, and by your I mean the six of you. So if one of you guys isn't around, it doesn't really feel right.

I guess.

Anyway, hope you're well and come online already!!

-Me.

--

3

--

Yo! Why did you suddenly leave the chat earlier? Did something happen? I'm so curious but at the same time I'm not sure if it's okay to ask or if you'll even tell me. I couldn't follow your conversation with Rory since Leo and I are talking about the game he was recommending. Did he say something to upset you? Or...? Ugh I really don't know. I hope you could just tell me.

You know you can tell me when something's wrong or bothering you, right? I hope so...

Anyway, please take care always.

-Me.

--

4

--

Dude, really... What's wrong? I messaged you after my last letter but you didn't reply. Until now you're not talking to me. Did something really happen? Did I say or do something wrong? I feel like you're avoiding me, avoiding to talk to me for some reason.

I don't understand.

You're in Vegas again today, right? Hope you're having fun. Then at least one of us is... :(

-Me.

--

5

--

I can't open the messenger. No, it's not broken or anything... I just won't. I haven't been opening it. I can see some of the messages on my notification panel though, but I can't get myself to open it.

For some reason... I don't wanna see our conversation being left unread. I don't wanna see that you haven't replied on my messages.

Am I overreacting? I don't understand myself anymore...

Saw you on TV again today, btw. You seem okay so I'm glad. Take care always, Tobias.

-Me.

--

6

--

I was out getting groceries today and when I was looking for some snacks, I unconsciously grabbed a packet of mini m&ms. When I put them on my cart, I realized I don't really eat those... So why am I buying them? Then I remembered a photo you sent in the chat while you were on set before...

Ugh, I really need to go online.

-Me.

--

7

--

Hey. So... We're back to normal. We're talking as if nothing happened... Well, nothing really happened. Apparently it was just me.

When I got back I saw loads of messages from you and for some reason the heavy feeling that I have been carrying in my heart in the past few days have been lifted. I guess now I can't deny it. I really did miss you. Too bad, I'm not telling you. :P

Hope you get enough rest this weekend~ You've been working hard a lot. I'm happy that the show's doing well. Good job, Tobias. ;)

-Me.

--

8

--

So... I didn't mean that. I didn't mean to snap at you. I was just really annoyed for some reason. Plus I wasn't in the mood to joke around to begin with. But still, I'm really sorry. I know I already apologized and you said it was alright and that you're sorry too but I can't help but feel bad.

What was I annoyed at anyway? You've always had a lot of fans asking for your autograph and taking pictures with you. You're a celebrity, that's normal. I don't understand why it was annoying for me that you (and Leo) accused me of being jealous. Still I'm sorry...

Damn, now I think I'm being guilty. Am I jealous? Was I? I... I really don't know anymore.

Anyway, be safe and take care always~

-Me.

--

9

--

What do you do once you find out you have a crush on someone? I don't know what to do. This is... crazy. Wait... Is it a crush or plain admiration? I'm not sure. The line is so thin I can barely see it.

You're a celebrity. You're (obviously) handsome. You have a good personality. I mean you're fun to talk to and everything. Although sometimes your mischief annoys people (ehem Rory), you don't mean harm. And I know deep down that there's more to you than meets the eye. And I wanna know more about you. I wanna see the person behind every smile in front of the camera. I wanna know Tobias not The Fox nor Prince of Vegas. I wanna know you... Everything about you. The good, the bad, the happy, and the sad... I hope you'll let me though.

Anyway, I'm gonna go freak out now. Bye bye~

-Me.

--

10

--

I knew it. This is bad. Milo noticed. And now Milo knows. Why is that guy so perceptive anyway? Ugh...

This is bad. It's also kind of scary... What should I do? I mean, it's not like I'm in love with you or something... Wait... No... I'm... No... No!

Maybe I like... You...? But I'm not in love with you. That's too fast. Do feelings grow faster than plants? Should I ask Brooklyn about this? Ugh, no. I don't... Shoot. This is really bad.

Stay safe and don't catch feelings Tobias. Lol

-Me.

--

11

--

Yo! Heard about the news and saw that everyone's congratulating you. I haven't though. Because you haven't confirmed nor denied it. It's still a 50-50 chance that it was just a rumor. For some reason, my chest hurts. And I feel like crying. And my mind keeps telling me that I don't want you to be with someone else. Why am I thinking this way? If you're really going out with them, and if you're happy, I should be happy for you. Right? You're my friend after all but...

I might be a bad person. Don't get involved with me, Tobias. I'm sorry but I can't be happy for you if it turns out you're dating someone else. I'm selfish and I want to keep you all to myself...

But of course I'm not going to. I'm probably just going to lie and congratulate you and tell you I'm happy for you. Maybe joke around and tell you to behave yourself and everything.

And if the rumors aren't true, still... If you ever find someone, I'll be happy for you even if it breaks my heart. I think that's one of the bitter parts of being in love.

Wait did I just say love...? Oh what the hell...

Anyway, this has gotten longer so I'll stop here. Be happy always, Tobias.

-Me.

--

12

--

So it wasn't true after all. But then you confessed something to the group.

There's actually someone that you like. And you sound so happy about it, so I'm still glad. You're wrong though. You said they might not like you back but I think there's no reason for them not to. Not that I'm saying it was me you like but either way... I already like you. Anyway, I'm sure that person will end up liking you back. You're pretty cool, after all. Lol and that car 👀 come on! Hahaha jk like I said in that other letter, there's more to you and I'm sure that this person will see it as well.

I wish you well, Tobi.

-Me.

--

13

--

I was out to deliver some documents to our client today and guess what...? While I was on my way to their office, I got on the elevator and it broke. There was another guy in there actually. So I was stuck with him for a whole hour.

That was the longest hour of my life. Though he's so nice to talk to me the whole time and keep my mind out of the situation, I still couldn't help but panic. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my chest. I think he noticed how nervous I was and he offered to hold my hand. I was tempted but still refused because I might end up doing more than just taking his hand. Don't go getting jealous now, because it was you. Yes. I can't believe it either! Apparently you had a photoshoot at the same building. That coincidence is too much of a coincidence that my heart believes it to be fate. Was I wrong to refuse to hold your hand? I'm kind of regretting it right now. But I guess an hour of being in the same space with you was enough... For now at least.

You really are the best, Tobias. Despite not knowing who I was, you still showed me how good of a person you are. I think I just fell in love with you all over again.

-Me.

P. S - do you know now why I panicked? Lol

--

14

--

Valentine's Day is just around the corner. You're hinting at something and I'm pretending not to know. But little did you know I'm one step ahead of you.

But the thing is... Should I really do this? It's not about being misunderstood but mostly about being known. Do I want you to know about how I feel? Maybe this is a good time to do it. But the real question is... Am I ready? Are we both ready for it?

Man, being in love is a lot of work. Should I just play an otoge? Ugh... Sorry I got sidetracked there. Anyway, have a happy weekend Foxy. :*

-Me.

--

15

--

This is going to be the last letter that I'm going to write to you.

Today is February 15, 3am... And yes I'm not asleep yet. But you are, on my couch. Why? How did that happen? I don't exactly remember how. I just know that the moment I gave you the chocolate I made and told you how I feel, you're already holding out a bouquet of red roses and the largest chocolate box I've ever seen in my life. The next thing I know you were telling me you like me, too, and you want to go out with me. I think the words got lost on the papers I used to write these letters that I couldn't find some to say. So speechless, so happy, that all I could do was run to you and wrap you in a hug. And here we are. We spent the whole night sitting on my couch, and movies that we don't really watched played on the tv as we talked the night away. We also ate the chocolates we gave each other. And this is one of the best things that ever happened in my life.

This is the last letter I'm writing to you because from now on, I will be able to tell you how I feel.

I love you, Tobias. Always have, always will. I don't have to say take care always now, because I'll just do it myself. ;) Sweet dreams, my love.

-Me.

--

The End.

--

So instead of Halloween on Christmas we're having Valentine's on Halloween. 😂

[littlescaryinternetguy]

Another Experiment

cw: adult language, a foot, denigration of T.S. Eliot

- Oh the sun shines bright on Mrs. Porter, said Milly.- And on her daughter, said Sam.

They were in bed at ten on a Sunday morning because come on: it was a beautiful January day out, very very clear, very bright, the snow having stopped sometime while they slept. Last night they went out in it, wrapped in so many scarves and layers, and took pictures of cars that looked like beluga whales, buried in the powder. And so now: to rest, to think about the day and the night.

- How is your mother, asked Sam. - She asked about you. - Oh did she. - She did. ‘Who is this mystery man.’ - Who indeed. - ‘What does he do? Who is his family?’ - I’d like to know myself, to be honest. - ‘I still haven’t seen a picture of him.’ - ‘Well, Mom…,’ said Sam, who had a strict “no photos” policy. - Actually, you have been in some photos. She just didn’t know it. - A face in the crowd. - A lump in my scarf, more like.

Sam made a small noise of dismissal, which was made smaller by the fact that he was two inches tall.

- That makes me sound like a tumor. - Cute one, though. - … why did they wash their feet in soda water? - Who. - Mrs. Porter. - You’d think he would have said something about it in the oh so helpful endnotes. - Lemme see if Brooker mentioned it.

Sam pounded on the screen of his notebook with a flat hand. Milly watched him, the small ever-present ember of amazement that a real person could be so little flaring once again. He’s mine, she thought. And then thought again. He’s my boyfriend. It took him forever, slapping the screen to type, but she was used to it. She killed the time by popping her knuckles.

- It’s from an old Australian song, he said. - Really? But there’s no kangaroos in it. - Maybe in the next verse.

Milly stretched, the shadow passing over Sam like the shadow of a pterodactyl. He looked up, more out of habit than anything else.

- That would be tickly, she said.

He didn’t answer. His eyes were closed, his eyebrows up, a dip of his head sideways. A shrugging expression. 

- Only one way to find out, I guess, she said, plucking him up off of his pillow between two fingers, an intricate and difficult move to do without leaving bruises, and one which he and his bones had come to greatly appreciate. ***

- Why did we have this much soda water?, she asked as she poured another liter of Schweppes into the bowl. He sat with his back against a box of kosher salt. - I read that it was good for cleaning. - Was it? - You tell me, you’re the one who can wield paper towels. - No, I want to hear you say it.

He sighed. She wondered if she could really hear it or if she was imagining it.

- It was a waste of time. - Just like…? - Yeah yeah yeah. - Just like all the stuff you read on the internet. - I’m sorry, but it seemed to me to make sense. Also it was professionally laid-out and used expensive fonts. - How do you know they were expensive? - At my size, you get to get a real good close look at fonts. I figured anyone who would spend a couple hundred on a font would know what they were talking about in regards to cleaning hacks. - Fascinating, she said as she looked at the bowl full of soda water. She put the empty bottle to the side and looked at him expectantly. - Alright, get in there tiger.

He looked over at the bowl, then up at her.

- The fuck you say, he said. - Well I’m not getting in it! Do I look like I fit? - You don’t have to get in it! They only washed their feet in soda water! - Sounds tickly, she said. Nope. - This was your idea! he protested, backing away from her slowly advancing hand. - Fine, she huffed. We’ll both do it. - I don’t understand how I have been dragooned into this. - Man is born to trouble as the sparks fly upwards, she sighed dramatically. She put the bowl on the tile of the kitchen. If I’d known I was going to be doing this I’d have chosen a bigger bowl, she said.

- Welp, looks like there isn’t room for the both of us, I’ll just take notes. - There’s room, she said. She scooped him up, gently yanked his pajama pants off, and covered him up in a kiss. As she dropped her hand away from her face she smirked lovingly at how easy it was to take his breath away. And then she bent down and dumped him into the bowl.

It did not take him long to surface.

- I don’t even like soda water! he yelled. Why couldn’t they have washed their feet in pilsner? - Room for me? she said in a bad Marilyn Monroe. He looked up at her slim foot, toe pointed down, lowering itself towards him. He knew that she had small feet, barely a size seven. He knew that she was, in fact, just a hair over five feet tall. He knew that. But he still had trouble reconciling that to the fact that he was a thirtieth of her size. So she was at once five feet tall and one hundred eighty feet tall. And her foot was slim, dainty, and enormous all at once. The fact that it was lowering inexorably down on him reiterated it. The water fizzed loudly as her foot dropped in, and the soda went over the sides of the bowl. Bubbles exploded up and scooted along his legs, popping under his groin, making him yelp and shiver. The depth of the water doubled and he was treading water.

- Ack! It is tickly! she giggled. - Right, another hypothesis borne out, let’s get this experiment over to peer review and… - Not so fast, she interrupted. - What? he moaned, having paddled over to the top of her foot and beached himself. - ‘They wash their feet in soda water’! - That’s the line, yes, he said, sprawled on her foot, face down, a stray bubble or two still tickling him from the waist down.

He felt her tendons flex and his ground shifted as she reached for and tore off the corner of a paper towel and scratched off some soap from a bar by the kitchen sink. He turned over just in time for them to be dropped onto his stomach. He opened his eyes to see her hand, retreating into the white sky of the kitchen ceiling, with Milly’s beaming smile and curly red hair and pale pale face hanging like a moon that loved him.

- Fuck T.S. Eliot. And you owe me, he said, turning to the end of the experiment as he felt, as well as heard, her giggle.

[aeadventuretime]

16th June 2024.

Rome. Rinse. Repeat.

Well we are back in Rome! And Roman has lost his Tuscan sleep glow and decided to start up some sleep grief again. So yes, he did put up a bloody good fight going to bed, and yes he did wake at 2 and have a four hour party. But that’s ok, cos we have nothing and no where to be and Roman’s seem to wake up late. Not ours…but the Roman people…

And we did have a tiny sleep in. And a white coffee and breakfast at home before we jumped in a cab and headed towards the Trevi fountain. I have one photo I can replicate from when we were last here 10 years ago so I was going to take my shot! But it’s a lot harder to get closer to the fountain in the warmer weather and a little bit harder to take a photo with a toddler, but we did it! Then we did a quick run by the pantheon because you know, Roman saw a polar bear surfing in a shop window and that beats ancient history any day.

We found a coffee shop near by that had decent reviews and managed to grab a table outside pretty quickly! Roman played with his back pack which basically unsolved him pulling out all the toys and throwing them on the floor for everyone else to pick up including the waiter and other tourists. We ordered some coffee and food and just sat and marveled at all the beautiful old buildings around us, and laughed at all the tourists using their various forms of novelty transportation to site see. Then we just went for a wander, but Roman needed to be carried everywhere by me, and he had definitely put on some weight which is making it a lot harder! So when we stumbled upon a toy shop we thought it might be a good break for my arms. Well Roman loved it! And found paw patrol almost instantly and spent easily 40 mins collecting them all and lining them up. We told him he could pick one for the plane, he told us two and grabbed three. Toddler math.

Eventually he ditched his paw patrol for dinosaurs. We negotiated him down from 7 to 1. But it was a 40cm long t-Rex. So not a great plane/holiday you. Luckily! Spider-Man to the rescue! And he picked a pink spidey toy kit which was ridiculously expensive for what it was, but Roman loved it, and hey, I guess we love him. And he did play with all day so I guess yay? We plan to grab a few surprise toys that we can open on the plane on the way home as we have lost so much of his toys on this trip and I am freaking out about the flight home. He has so much energy and excitement and stubbornness atm!

After the toy shop it was super hot, and we spied a Zara which is supposed to be amazing over here and has great kids clothes, so a Quick Look and Ash picked Roman an outfit. Blue striped shorts and a brown shirt with lemons on it. Very Italian.

Then a cab home, grabbed some bread things from the grocery store around the corner and attempted nap. Welp that was another battle. Fun. And when he woke maybe 30 mins later we just rolled with it. Maybe he’s dropping nap…😵‍💫

That afternoon we just stuck around Monte, the area we are staying. Of course we had to lure Roman out with the promise of ice cream, Ash took us to one just around the corner that was known by the locals. Roman started yelling at the man “one black one! One black one!” Which means chocolate. The man just laughed and gave Roman a high five. They are so kind and gentle with kids over here! Ash and I chose a pistachio icecream hoping it would be like the one we had back in Tuscany and while good, it was not nearly as good as that one. After that we found a cute lil wine bar and sat there and Roman was surprisingly very well behaved! We ordered two glasses of local orange wine, I got an eggplant pasta, Ash cacio e Pepe and we got Roman a hint meatball which he devoured and loved! It was so nice sitting outside in the alley, and we could have easily had another wine but Roman had been a bit off and we don’t know if it was a combination of overtiredness and lack of poop but we knew we had limited time before he cracked. So instead we opted to buy a bottle and head home to attempt bed time again. And hopefully enjoy a much needed and well deserved glass of our orange wine.

[dzpenumbra]

7/16/23

Guess who caught up on sleep? I'll give you a hint. It was me. I did.

I mean... kinda. It's likely gonna take me a few days to fully recover from the insomnia shitstorm that has been this week. But jamming some whittled shims into my upstairs neighbors' floorboards actually seemed to make a substantial difference. The sound is not gone, but majorly lessened. Instead of a series of cracks and pops, it's just one muted creak.

I didn't get to sleep until about 4:30... dawn was just starting to break. And I took my tincture, it's a pretty low-dose CBD/THC tincture by today's "go to the moon or don't fucking smoke" standards, and I took the smallest recommended dose possible because my tolerance is 100% gone by now... But I do credit that for helping too. I woke up, no surprise, to thump thump thump... but not the creak. And, yes surprise, it was past 10AM. I had trouble believing it. I put in my headphones, because... in a moment of clarity... I remembered that the only sound that got through the headphones was the creak, not the thumps. So... right back to sleep, after tossing and turning for a good 25 minutes... but I got there. And I got another couple hours of sleep. It worked out pretty well.

Today... I've just been on full recovery, honestly. I'm still out of it. I'm still kinda stalled out. So much that it was actually a nice day and... I didn't go skating. I didn't go for a walk at that farm nearby. I didn't go for a walk in town even. I just struggled to time it right, and by the time I got out of the shower, it was 8:30 and it was too dark. Another problem with sleep deprivation... your sense of time gets all fucked... so you can just be spacing out or zoning in on something and then suddenly 2 hours have gone by. Well, at least with me that happens.

So yeah... I decided to not beat myself up over that. I did prototypes for my grip tape art, quick sketches in my sketchbook so that I have something for visual reference. And I gathered reference photos, that was fun. And towards the end of the night, I had a (I hope) smart idea to use my old broken compass point to carve guide lines into the grip tape of my trick board instead of relying on the colored pencil. I'm just going to improvise the mandala, why the fuck not. And then I'll add the bird heads after.

I made a nice dinner tonight. I batch-cooked fried rice and it came out really good. I'm not used to doing that. I usually cook a whole big batch of fried rice and just eat it all. This time, I cooked 4 servings and just took one serving from it and had some soup too. It was a bit more cook time... which ate up a big chunk of my night and I couldn't paint because of it. But I have food prepped for later this week too, which is good.

So yeah, that's... that. Low key day. And... tomorrow is supposed to be all thunderstorms. So... fuck. So much for exercise tomorrow. Going on a week of no exercise now. -_- Welp, as long as I can keep the sleep consistent (fingers crossed) I can get the exercise plan started again.

I've been struggling a bit with career stuff. Just... self-esteem-wise. Direction-in-life-wise. I think it's because of the instagram post. I sometimes feel like it just does more damage than good. But yeah, I've been staving off that demon for most of the day. Which sucks because I have so many cool projects on my plate right now - too many, honestly - and yet... when that demon enters the room... they all look pointless. They all look stupid, or unoriginal, or above my ability level and "I'm just gonna fuck it up, I have to be super careful". You know... anxiety. Some days it's easy to just laugh at it and move on. Some days it sounds super fucking convincing. "yeah... I should just avoid painting a realistic bird... despite over 10 years of experience... because I might fuck it up and it might not look exactly like the reference photo that no one will ever even see... and even if I do fuck it up, I could just... fix it... but no... I should just not even start painting it." It's hard for me to believe now, after the fact, that it even sounds convincing. It sounds silly. But in the moment? When it's your voice saying that shit? Yeah, it's a tough one, man.

What's been helping me a lot is doing this abstract work. In fact, most of my creative expressions have taken this avenue as a way of bypassing anxiety and insecurity... and getting the creative juices flowing. The Zen/Jazz approach. There is no wrong. This is just a document of what occurred, there is no "right" or "wrong". And this idea is one that I have employed in writing, in music improvisation, in drawing, in painting. I really need to reconnect regularly with it. And I really think I have found out how. Through Zen.

I want to study more. All that I know about these practices has been pretty much self-taught through exploration. But I stumbled across some stuff in passing that I want to research, practice and share. Specifically, let's refer to the ensō, which is a common symbol associated with Zen. It's a circle painted in ink with a brush in one stroke. The intention is to represent - god, this is actually hard to put into words - it's like a fingerprint, I guess. I just thought of it similar to the language from the movie Arrival, but... not as complex, I guess? It's a display of imperfection, a unique one-of-a-kind imprint of the artist's pure expression for a short snapshot of time.

A lot of my... presented art... has been the complete opposite of that. It has been comprised of meticulously drawn and blended pieces. Recreating reference down the the feather or pore, like a photocopier. Or doing my best to work and blend colors into a smooth mush. And now? Now I'm drawing bubbles in ink on paper. No sketch. No "correct shapes". Organic. Every shape different and unique, with its own personality. And that style of work set me free. Mental-health-wise, that is.

I still make my realism art. I have plans to do several pieces. But like... where my art was originally born was doodling in pen in the margins of my notebooks in school. In pen. And drawing on my arms and legs and pants in pen. No sketches, no prototypes, no re-do's. I would draw half-sleeves on my left arm regularly, and just wash them off at the end of the day. Wonder why I got into tattooing? XD

I guess I'm kinda telling this because... I dug up my old black jeans today. I haven't worn them in a while. They have faded patchy color spots where I used to have a Mr. Mime drawn in full color on the pant leg. I used DecoPens and it came out in the wash, unfortunately. But I guess it really reminded me that I used to just grab a pen and just go nuts for fucking hours, and just fill that entire pant leg with a patchwork of drawings and zentangles and designs and quotes and shit. No one else was doing shit like that around me, and I didn't even notice. I was just compelled to do it. And I genuinely didn't care if it was "good". I just... made it. Because that's what I do. That's what I was compelled to do. Why does a dog chase a tennis ball? It just does, it's just what dog do. And what I do is draw stuff on things. Apparently.

So... right now... those black jeans are sitting on the floor next to my skateboard... which has guidelines carved into it. And it's really making me... --- it's putting me in a strange dilemma. Do I embrace the freestyle spirit from my past? And just... start painting and see what happens? Do I use reference? How true to reference do I stay?

I can feel the two worlds of my artistic self colliding and trying very hard to... fuse. To just pick up the permanent inks and just start drawing on my clothing. But yet... to sketch, and make sure my proportions are right, and maaaaybe take a few steps before-hand... hmm... maybe sketch first... ooo or I can do the whole piece on paper first and then do it in ink and then put the sketch under the pants and put all of it on my light table and... See? So... I start with "I should just pick up the pen and embrace the imperfections", and then I end up with "I should carefully precisely draw this 3 times - in pencil, in pen and then inked on the clothing". And those are like... polar opposite practices! So... where do I go with that?

My answer today? Because I was ping-ponging on that all night... My answer was to do very basic guidelines for the skateboard. Just 16 symmetry lines and 6 rings radiating from the middle at random intervals. The rest of the piece - at least the mandala section - I'm just going to improvise. That's my compromise between just grabbing the paint and winging it... and doing prototypes and sketches and shit.

I really do miss the days when I would just slap paint on something. But now... I get this silly idea that like... when you've been doing something this long... and you call yourself a professional... You better be on your shit 24/7. And that's bullshit. Sorry. It is. That whole "every piece has to be better than your last or else it's not worth making" myth, that's bullshit.

I guess it's just the permanence of this stuff that gets me. If I fuck up the shorts? It's one of 3 pairs of shorts I own... XD I love those shorts, I don't want to "ruin" them. I never used to say shit like this. I never felt that way about my black jeans. Ever. I'd just start drawing on them without even thinking. "Ruining" never even popped into my head. What a nasty thought-infection!

So yeah. I guess the biggest thing I want to get out of my head... is this stupid idea of "good" and "bad". Either I'm willing to embrace the piece for what it is, and what it has become... as a product of my creative process, at a specific time, with specific efforts. Or I'm not willing to accept it. For whatever reason.

Let me use an example of where I'm a little on the fence right now. That red-beaded necklace? My first preparation of ink-stained beads finished with tung oil. I had it sitting in a sealed bag with a piece of cinnamon to add a multisensory experience to it. (it didn't work) It's been chilling while I work on the newer beads for... close to a week now. I took it out to wear it yesterday. The beads... have a kinda satin finish to them. I was not expecting it at all. When I put them in the bag, they had a bit of a gloss to them. I guess that was residual oil. This was after 6 coats of oil separated 6 hours apart each, as instructed by multiple sources including the bottle itself. Well... I decided to look up tung oil finishes today and apparently... Apparently they take up to 3 days to dry each coat. And the phrasing on all the bottles and shit is completely wrong. So... what I've been doing is just... taking the same coat and just re-saturating it every 6 hours. So... cumulative, this finished piece has 1... maybe two coats of oil on it. And it's already strung and finished. Do I call that a finished piece? The beads are pretty water-resistant. The color does look nice. They are decently polished, but again... have a satin finish, not a gloss. Do I strip the beads off and add more coats to them until they get the glossy sheen I really want? Will tung oil actually give them that sheen? (I've read that it's possible it will not.) Do I try to polish the beads with a finishing coat of wax? Or do I leave it as-is?

This is an example of... if someone came up and saw this piece, they would have zero knowledge of what I was attempting with this piece. They would have no idea that I intended for the beads to be glossy. Or that I still technically could try to get that look, but I'd have to dismantle the piece in order to do it. Maybe they would like the look of something less flashy and more subdued even more than glossy. So... it calls out that "good" or "bad" dichotomy, which does. not. exist. It's entirely subjective. What I find appealing, you may not enjoy. What a friend likes on Instagram might be uninteresting for a paying consumer. And I'm trying so hard every damn day to keep my head in the mentality of... "what does this piece want?" Not "what do I want" or "what does a potential buyer want?" In the business world, they call this "bad business". Of course you want to find out what is trending and what's popular and what's going to guarantee the sale. DUH. That's how all that shit works. But when it comes to creative expression... "pure" creative expression... these pieces simply share space with trends. Trends are always going to leak in through proximity, through cultural influence and shit. But the shift that truly makes pieces special... is when the piece takes on a life of its own. When the only thing that matters is figuring out what the piece is asking for, and how to get it there.

That's clearly not the only form or art or craft. But it's the kind that I chase, that I am constantly pursuing and craving. When you just put a pen to paper and the piece just starts drawing itself. When you pick up a guitar and the song just starts calling your fingers to the next note. It requires so much immersion, so much faith. Trust in the process. And I love it. It has been the fuel in my confidence-battle against my severe anxiety disorder since I was very young, and I often forget how crucially important those leaps of faith are for my everyday functioning - especially socially.

So... I can feel when I'm not practicing this enough. And I can feel when I'm slipping into "well, I'll just play it safe", "I don't want to 'ruin' it..." And today, I went there. So, after cooking dinner, I made an effort deliberately to fill a container with water for my paintbrushes... and get a paper towel. And just put them on the floor next to the skateboard. Then all I need to do is just go over there tomorrow and just start working. Just... paint to canvas, let it go and see where it ends up.

You know what I need? What my brother, who is also crippled by anxiety but is a very talented musician, needs to do? Make a "bad song". What every struggling artist needs? Make a "bad piece". Get it fucking over with. And you'll see that it's never as "bad" as you think it is. And there's always a person out there who likes it.

So, make "bad" art. Make hasty art. Make impulsive art. Make messy sloppy art. But for the love of god, don't make dishonest art. You'll deprive your work of the one thing that makes art... art. Soul. You. The artist. Maybe I'm just speaking for myself, but I really don't think we need more examples of soulless art in the world. People are literally programming robots to do that. We're all set, thank you.

Maybe I'm just talking to myself, maybe the world, I don't know. But like... soulful art is really important. It reminds us of what life's all about. And it resonates with people... reminding them of their humanity, too. And it becomes this kind of conversation. Maybe not a literal conversation (sometimes, but rarely), but as my eccentric sculpture teacher used to say... "art is anything put on a wall that asks the question 'consider this...'" And... as viewers, we respond. So... rather than try to mindread what's going to be a hot-selling topic, or what's trending... or whatever? Why not say what your heart has to say? It may be bad business, or bad marketing... but it's art.

Easy to preach, hard to practice. Good luck being a professional artist when you have no social connections and can't get noticed on the internet because you don't give a fuck about trends... on platforms that are literally designed from the bones up to exclusively support the popular getting more popular. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let that stop me.

[miloucomehome]

some more updates on the end of term saga, finances

So some more developments

Forced myself to wake up early today and go to the campus to try a 2nd attempt at my visual cmn class project and was unbelieveably successful. I’m at the comp lab in my department right now but once the computer lab closes I’ll go over to where I placed them and pick up what’s left assuming they weren’t cleaned up. Tonight maybe I’ll draft up a layout for my late presentation and  repurpose a previous process book layout to save time. EDIT: I went by for a final pass but there were students there but also some cards were gone, so presumably picked up! Yay a victory! I'll definitely have fun putting together this presentation and process book.

Next, I’ve been proceeding along with starting the work for my post-graduation course. It’s a mock job application in my case, sort of. (we could’ve picked a grant) So I’m laying everything out in figma and doing the writeup. As for the 10-item portfolio I’ll be adding, I’m just going to grab what I can. I sort of aimed too high with the job application at the time the project started so none of my work probably qualifies. In fact, it’s probably quite junior, but I’m guessing the adding of a portfolio is to practice having a professional portfolio PDF to submit (never made one. welp D: ) This one I can definitely finish by tomorrow I think. :’)

Then I have to take photos of my book I made for typography and submit those and hopefully I’ll be done in time.

Now, there’s one damper/worry/danger right now and that’s my finances. I had to pay my ccard and forgot my balance and now I don’t have enough for much of anything. I didn’t get a student line of cr/edit extention either and I don’t have much for savings, if at all. I remember the mum of a close family friend gave me some cash “for emergencies” when I was out west for my dad’s funeral but I know even that won’t be enough. 

Currently wanting to focus on homework and then work up the courage to ask (see: cry from shame?) my aunt. I...I haven’t been in this situation in a decade and I wish I was able to have worked a bit to build up something to lessen the monnies I need. I dunno how people do it for small amounts at all. (I’ve calculated what I need and I’m in the process of looking for work as well as little jobs here and there for May onwards that I could do). I’m also going to begin looking for a roommate for May or just basically ASAP. The days of having the apartment to myself are done XD

It’s an odd balance I’m in-- on one hand? No regrets about dropping culture and img, I’m in some “relief” that I can focus on the other three courses, but then...there’s this looming financial problem. ohhh boy.

wish me luck! T_T)