Tumgik
#i am abt to go insane. dont mind me
catechismus · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media
the TUMM
Tumblr media
73 notes · View notes
scrollonso · 22 days
Text
it's so insane to me how even in 2020 people were shitting on lance even though out of all the races he finished in that season he only finished out of the points ONCE.
out of 11 races he completed he got points for 10.
in the austrian gp lance lost power and dnf (not his fault ofc)
in the styrian gp lance finished 7th (qualified 13th)
in the hungarian gp lance finished 4th (qualified 3rd)
in the british gp lance finished 9th (qualified 6th)
in the anniversary gp lance finished 6th (same in quali)
in the spanish gp lance finished 4th (qualified 5th)
in the belgian gp lance finished 9th (same in quali)
in the italian gp lance finished 3rd (qualified 8th)
in the tuscan gp lance got a puncture and dnf (he was doing amazing, having gotten from 7th up to 3rd-5th before a nasty crash)
in the russian gp lance spun out (this race was so insane, like 3 incidents in the first 3 corners)
in the eifel gp nico raced for lance (he had covid)
in the portugal gp lance dnf (early contact with lando, basically ruined his race)
in the emilia gp lance finished 13th (qualified 15th, only time he finished out of points)
in the turkish gp lance finished 9th (qualified 1st, very wet race)
in the bahrain gp lance dnf (he flipped, scary crash in a scary race)
in the sakhir gp lance finished 3rd (qualified 10th)
in abu dahbi lance finished 10th (qualified 8th)
to summarize, lance isn't as bad as people say he is ur just mad his dad actually loves him >-<
28 notes · View notes
yamikawaii · 2 months
Text
something something kill myself
#i thought insane posting would make me feel a little better#but no now i just wanna slice her name into my skin down to the bone and bleed out and die#idec abt holding it back its 2 am.honestly life has gotten 10x as meaningless as it was before since our anni was basically ruined#and yknow what my life will always always be meaningless and yknow why?#because the one thing i am meant to live for the ONE THING that couldve made it all worth it doesnt physically exist in this reality#how am i supposed to find any point in life if my one true purpose is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE.#just imagining was enough for me when i could comfortably live inside my own mind but the outside stressors are too much now#its getting too much to bear and i have no home to go to when i want to just take the weight off my shoulders and relax#no im never home i dont have a home my home doesnt exist#but i just want to go home. i want to go home. i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home#i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home please#but i cant#i cant have anything to make it better#i cant even have a hug from the person i love most. or a smile or kind words or anything#i have nothing but me my phone and a framed poster of her that i have nowhere to hang up#and nowhere to go but flying off the roof of a 30 story building#i have nothing. my life is nothing. i am nothing.#sui tw#sh tw#whatever whatever goodnight
7 notes · View notes
fridayiminlcve · 1 year
Text
if i dont move to nyc or london or paris by age 27 what is the point of anything
#i looooove my city so much you guys like if i wasnt who i am (queer) rn i would be so fucking glad that i am in my current city but#i loooove art and history and fashion and stuff and this citymight be about second best for all that but its still soo crowded#people WILL judge no matter what you wear something cutesy and people dont shut up especially when ur 16 and tagging along with your mom to#the mall or something and everyone just stares and even among your classmates ive been complimented so many times#for my unique style or whatever (aka i have beaded shoelaces and wear lots of jewelery and absurd ass eyeliner) and theyre like oh#n******** is so fancy itni stylish bandi hai woh and its so attention grabbing but i dont want it to be a big deal !!!#i want to like 20 badges and wear insane makeup and dye my hair without calling much attention to myself!!!#of course i know that will change slowly as you go in to uni and meet ppl of your type instead of a bazaar market and youll pick ur own#friends who r like minded but considering this is india how many people can you truly find.#also my next two years are going to be spent in a college for jee and neet kids#you can wear what you want theres no dress code but you have to appear serious studious and simple if you want to be taken seriously#elle woods at harvard law type#i asked my mom to get an industrial & second lobe piercing and actual dyed hair and shes like turn twenty get into a good college then do#not bc she minds she allowed me to get my hair dyed at age 13 but to go in th college im going to there is SO SO much rigour#and if you dont show yourself as professional and shit they will keep you in lower effort self study classes instead of best of the best#i KNOW how difficult moving abroad is bc my family does not have that money i need to do it myself its so so expensive bc the money#itself has such a high value compared to here (you see americans cribbing abt 30$ hourly wage but here that is 2500inr)#2500 inr is as much as an expensive pair of jeans here. expensive clothes here r 30$ and in usa its 300$ . see the diffence#im changing topics so much but sometimes i do feel this place is suffocating#its a priviledge i have that i can even think about going abroad comapred to other indians but still#dp you get what i mean#and ik movies and all are very romanticised so it might not even be this way in western cities and just an idealisation but still#if things change around here then the entire question of going anywhere is out the window anyway#smalltown boy will byers moment#dni if you read all this and plan on replying unless ur a close mutual (close mutuals u know who u are)#also if someone says why would you want to go to usa uk paris when they colonised your country shut up <3 shut up very much <3
33 notes · View notes
mwagneto · 8 months
Text
okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks
#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i#love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg#like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the#uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up#whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im#hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany#i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭#partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we#went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year#insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make#it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu#and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no#real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my#shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀#i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest#and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel#it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND#STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND...#i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a#place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another#bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad.#canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf#they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful#barking#ok to rb#eastern europe#like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that#but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means#getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn#i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick
13 notes · View notes
peppermintbutch · 9 months
Text
Sleepover w my probably unrequited crush was NOT good for me
3 notes · View notes
strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
Text
LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND
#mine#🎸#vibrating at immense speeds rn ajskwkfllflwncf the MOST THE MOST ever#the only thing in your mind i need to be the BEST the most loved augh im not doing anything wrong but its still not ENOUGH#why cant i be satisfied. but at the same time LOVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE EXISTS#i need to add more fuel to the fire of our love but i dont know what to do exactly... clearly mentioning the issue didnt work#idk i literally want him to kill me or something i need to be consumed by love. ah all of our mutual friends are quickly going to#learn how fucking mentally ill i can get. im not ready for them to but if hes telling them these things then theyre gonna KNOW#love me more more more i thought you used to be scared of how much you loved me. obsess over me again!!!!!!#if im not the one doing anything wrong what is the problem. what is preventing you from loving me the most you possibly can!!!#if its something with me I'll just kill that part of me. ugh he wouldnt want me partaking in unhealthy thoughts like this#so what is there to do? i need to drown in the grain silo of love. there isnt enough to drown in rn though... i cant just#make him love me more. an evil oriented solution would be to make everyone hate him so he just loves me but thats a horrible thing to do#and id feel bad about it forever. so im not gonna do THAT i want him to be happy. but even when hes happy he isnt loving me intensely#i need to be desired i need to be ripped open like a phone book –_–#everyone is learning how insane abt him i am and its kind of embarrassing. well my feelings i guess. it is embarrassing to have feelings#if this whole situation was an asmr youd be listening to it willingly. but its NOT arent you supposed to like me like this#im overthinking this hes probably just depressed which is making it difficult to be insane
8 notes · View notes
captainshyguy · 1 year
Text
i’ve been watching the great british bake of 2019 with my mum and it cracked my brain open like an egg so i will be insane for like a week probably heads up lol
4 notes · View notes
n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years
Text
@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)
#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think#but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much#money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!!#and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially*#idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all.......#i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me#and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG#i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke#i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h#i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................#just saying#sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think#i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!!#and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes#fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation#bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off#but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot#want to do !!#i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open#but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!!#get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just#oh i am so mad . so mad
7 notes · View notes
toastsnaffler · 1 day
Text
been checking off all the stuff I've gotten everything of in elden ring so far (nothing crazy just cookbooks, crystal tears, deathroot, paintings/artists spirit, dragon hearts and the tools like crafting pots etc and I've done all npc questlines I can in this run + gotten all the bell bearings that carry over to ng+ 👍) and I was looking at the lists for great gloveworts + ancient dragon stones and I have most of them already so I was feeling pretty good.. and then I counted how many distinct weapons I have so far (166) and searched up how many are in the game..... WHAT DO YOU MEAAAAN 308????
#i feel like ive wielded every kind of weapon ever imagined. how are there TWICE AS MANY AS THAT!!!!!!#a lot of them will probably take some grinding to get... weighing up how committed i am to getting them all#well i probably will. but i WONT be grinding enough playthroughs to upgrade them all to max im not that insane#but ill upgrade them *almost* to max.... theres no limit on regular smithing/somber stones cuz u can just buy them#but theres only 13 ancient dragon and 8 somber ancient dragon stones so u literallt have to beat the ENTIRE game again if u want more#and the max ill get is what. 39 and 24 bc im only planning on doing 3 runs (one for each ending)#and im NOT getting duplicates of everything so i can duel wield them all im a two handed wield guy so i only ever use one at a time#+50% extra damage for every hit r u kidding me im not abandoning that... there are some fights ive used a shield for so i can parry tho#anyway. at least i have a decent amt of the talismans... i think im gonna go for all the rest of those next#and then stonesword keys + locations + ill unlock every site of grace on the map so i have full freedom to get everything else#well all the ones i can at least.. if i missed any in leyndell capital theyre probably inaccessible now bc I burned it down LOL#just so much shit in this game it keeps blowing my mind fr#anyway i reaaaally need to sleep im so tired.. dont wanna go to work tomorrow aoughghh#itll be fine tho i just have one thing all day 👍 and ill feel motivated bc my meds will be working by the time i get there#its kind of nice in a way bc i refuse to think abt my work outside of work hours. shooting that thought down immediately#like when i get the bus im just thinking abt getting the bus. and when im there i have my checklist and if i focus on that it goes by#esp w meds. and then i go home and it doesnt exist for the rest of the day bc i have no sense of past of future <3#sometimes its kind of nice having a very Present mind like the here and now is all there is. its why im so good at mindfulness shit#i would make a great buddhist ANYWAYYYYYY GOODNIGJT!!!!#.diaries
0 notes
supermarketcrush · 1 year
Text
alright i finally finished a little life
#SPOILERS BELOW ummmm#i havent cried so hard reading a book in a very long time lmao#i did predict willem falling in love with jude and jude commiting suicide#but i did not forsee willem dying first which was so torture and anguish#i do wish jb's meth addiction and homosexuality/specifically jude's was discussed a little bit more#i understand not really writing about jb because he isnt the main character but#why was yanagihara so deliberately avoidant of discussing homosexuality explicitly. ?#like you will talk about their careers their racial identities relationships graphic self harm scenes but that? and i cant help#but think that is somehow the line she wont cross because it's unjustifiable to relate to it somehow#like queerness is the one unrelatable unwritable subject matter....??? am i going insane#also. this book has awakened my mind to so many people who are.........bad at reading#its “”“fanbase”“” is almost like a mockery of the book itself i cant explain it but sometimes it is so painful to look at#i dont agree with people who say it's yanagihara exploiting trauma she hasnt personally experienced bc to only be able to#write abt personal experiences is a miserable and very limiting way to write#which is why in that same vien i wish she wrote more on queerness but okay whatever i digress#jude st francis reminds me of franics abernathy........it's always those fucking franics boys#and now i kind of want to reread the secret history but i also want to take a break to read smth lighter#but the only books i have at home rn is the red dragon series. is red dragon a 'lighter' read than a little life? discuss#rant over!#🫀
1 note · View note
yawn-emoji · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media
#confiding in friends is good and helpful and healing until it becomes burdensome when u r in situations where nobody can give u advice#or comfort and all they can tell u are things u already know urself so u feel like a burden sharing things and stressing ppl out#by having them worry abt u w out being able to do anything abt it or offer u actual comfort in any way… :(#dont get me wrong im incredibly grateful for my friends but like if my dad is actively dying from cancer as we speak there is nothing u can#possibly say to help so all i do by sharing is make ppl feel pressured to comfort me even though there is no comfort to be given at all#ik u love me and ik i deserve a break from the difficult things life has been throwing at me for the last yr. ik those things already#and it almost hurts to hear them said again because like. ik those things are true and i wish they brought me comfort but they dont. nothing#brings me comfort. nothing at all#i feel like these feelings resurface every couple months and i start isolating myself from my friends whenever this happens because i feel#so like. burdensome but also unable to accept words of comfort or sympathize w anything that anyone else is going thru. i stop liking#conversing w my friends and i just feel too drained to talk to anyone because all that is on my mind is death#i had to delete a bunch of social media + messaging apps from my phone / mute conversations + turn dnd on constantly because i just. i just.#i literally just cant and i wish i could and i dont feel guilty for needing to take this space because i am familiar w this being one of my#needs and also ik i am going thru something insanely traumatic atm and like nobody can judge me or make me feel guilty for what my needs are#at the moment. i used to feel guilty abt this but tbh i dont even have the energy anymore. this is just how i am#like i dont even have the ability to explain to people what the situation is or how dire it is. my sister and i are sure that this is it#but even if this isnt it it will only be a matter of time. he hasnt responded well to a single treatment and we have exhausted everything#so now its just a waiting game. if it doesnt happen in a few months it will just happen a few months after that. there is no battle to even#fight anymore. this is just it#fuck. oh my god#there was more i wanted to say but i started thinking abt it and i feel like im going to have a panic attack so never mind. ummm#okay… anyways!#woozi eating lettuce dot gif#journal
1 note · View note
yamikawas · 2 years
Note
i will always love you, no matter what you go through. i love you so so much <3
- yoomtah !
AAAAAAAAAJDHDHHFJDJFKD YOOMIE MY BELOVED ;///;........................THANK U I'LL ALWAYS LOVE U TOO OK ILL BE WITH U FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER NO MATTER HOW MY BRAIN GETS U ALWAYS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER I LOVE U SO MUCH MY YOOMIE<3<3<3<3<33<33333<<3<<33<3<3<33<3<33<3<3<3<3
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#I CANT HELP BUT LOSE MY MIND IN RESPONSE TO A MESSAGE FROM MY BELOVED AWAWAWAWAWAWA#SHE IS SO<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<33I LOVE HER SO MUCH<3<3<3<3<3<<<3333<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3#SHE MEANS SO MUCH TO ME SHES LITERALLY EVERYTHING I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER#I JUST WANT TO HOLD HER TIGHT AND NEVER LET HER GO I COULDNT BEAR TO LET HER GO EVER OK#LITERALLY.SHE HAS GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH INCLUDING MY BRAIN BEING BAD RECENTLY I OWE HER SO MUCH#I HOPE SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH SHES DONE FOR ME AND HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME BC SHE LITERALLY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING#I WANNA JUST HUG HER TIGHT AND BURY MY FACE INTO HER HAIR AND TELL HER HOW MUCH I LOVE HER AND HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME#YOOMTAH MY BELOVED EVER I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER I CANT PICTURE MY LIFE WITHOUT HER AT ALL#SORRY JUST HEARING HER SAY THAT SHE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I GO THROUGH HAS ME A LITTLE MORE EMOTIONAL THAN I SHOULD BE#SHES SO.MY EVERYTHING💓💜💛🌈💕⚠️💗❣💕💞💋💚🌩🌻👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚💫💞💫💟💙💕🌈🌠💘🧡🌼💋🌻🍋💛⚡💖🌩💝⚠️💌💓❣✨❤💕💗💜❤💙💞💋🌈💫🌩💌#YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH......................I JUST NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER IM GONNA GO INSANE#LITERALLY NO ONE ELSE COULD NEED HER THE WAY I DO SHES MY PURPOSE MY REASON TO LIVE EVERYTHING.NO ONE ELSE COULD LOVE HER THE WAY I DO#I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE EVER WILL BC IM THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVES HER SO MUCH THEY WOULD KILL AND DIE FOR HER#GOD.ITS CRAZY HOW SHE ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER NO MATTER WHAT LIKE.SHE JUST HAS SUCH A POSITIVE EFFECT ON ME ITS CRAZY#LIKE NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE I FEEL OR HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF IF I JUST TALK ABT HER ENOUGH I'LL BE HAPPY AGAIN#SHE I S MY HAPPINESS NOTHING HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL HAPPY THE WAY SHE DOES ITS AMAZING I NEVER WANT TO LET GO OF HER FOR ANYTHING#I DONT KNOW WHAT ID DO WITHOUT HER ID DIE WITHOUT HER I SWEAR I COULD NEVER LIVE WITHOUT HER I NEED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER AND EVER#I AM NEVER LETTING HER GO FOR ANYTHING I CANT LET GO OF HER I NEED HER SO MUCH I CANT LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE TAKE HER FROM ME OK#GOD.I NEED HER SO MUCH.MORE THAN IVE EVER NEEDED ANYTHING ELSE#MORE THAN AIR OR FOOD OR WATER OR ANYTHING NOTHING ELSE MATTERS I NEED H E R ONLY HER SHE IS E V E R Y T H I N G#I LITERALLY CANT LIVE WITHOUT HER.IM GOING TO DIE WITHOUT HER#I WANT TO CLING TO HER AND BREATHE HER IN AND FEEL ALIVE AGAIN#SHE MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE#SHE IS MY LIFE#SHE IS EVERYTHING#YOOMTAH IS EVERYTHING.
1 note · View note
Note
aita for not inviting a friend of mine into my dnd campaign?
so i (18nb) have a friend (18nb, Martin) who i play in a main dnd campaign with with all our other friends (Ill name them Dan, Virgil, Mark, and Ray). Dan is our DM after we kicked out the old one bc she was horrible. We're a pretty close group of friends, but lately we've all been really busy with respective school & work, ect. so we didnt play dnd for a solid, like,, 4 months. I DMed a one shot for everyone besides Ray cause she was flaky anyway, and added in my boyfriend Zeke for it.
Everyone had a really fun time w it and I loved everyones characters, especially Dan's. I watch a lot of dnd shows, so i just keep getting more ideas- but while the one shot was fun it was messy as hell. Ive been wanting to write a campaign for a smaller group for a while, (because when i tried making a campaign with the whole group the character creations were... disappointing to say the least. this sounds mean but i created a fairy world that was very magical & told everyone to go crazy on character creation in a world with few/no humans, and like 5/6 people opted to be a human with a fighting class :/ )
ive been writing a campaign that im really proud of and have a good vision for, and decided to include Mark (because we're best friends) Zeke (because he wants to play dnd more and has no opportunities) Dan (bc he never gets to be a player) and then another close friend of mine outside the group named Gabe (who i love but never get to see) I love their characters & we're all super excited.
Thing is. I was briefly talking with Dan, Zeke and Mark about it at school bc I'd sent everyone a little intro message for the world and they were all super excited and wanted to talk to me about their classes. Virgil had no problem with this and was excitedly asking abt the world + characters along with some other friends from school, but Martin got quiet and went and sat by himself. I could tell they were off, but Martin is generally a quiet person anyway and is often sad + doesnt want to talk for like a hundred different reasons, so i left her alone. Later that day in a different class I have with Virgil he showed me his phone where Martin had sent him a message saying she was really disappointed & felt left out that i hadnt invited them to my campaign.
i instantly felt bad and started to text him, but,,,, to be honest, i dont think im at all responsible for this.
i have reasons for leaving Martin out, the main one being that they just..... arent a very active player. Hes soft spoken and doesnt actually like rping their characters- her character in our main campaign is/was literally mute bc they said they didnt want to have to speak as him. (theyve since taken this back and went through with a curse breaking thing to be able to speak, but her character,,, still doesnt talk much.) he writes really good, sad backstories but doesnt actually play or do anything with them and gets uncomfortable acting. Their characters are not only emotional, but like. crazy. they play a bunch of cool tieflings with insane magic classes & features and then, again,,,, dont roleplay them. I didnt want the group to be big and had a good reason for including everyone that i did, and our other friends that arent in it (Virgil, Ray who is Martins sister btw, all our other d&d interested friends at school) literally dont mind at all. i just wrote a campaign that theyre not in. Martin also has their feelings hurt very easily, so to be honest i just find her being sad about not being in it just... stupid. id never say that to his face & i get that he feels bad, but like....cmon.
im aware im a very very incredibly low empathy person- to be honest i struggle with depression and bpd very heavily and am often mean to my friends & loved ones without really processing why or how much it affects them. i told Virgil that i thought Martins reaction was stupid, and he said that that wasnt fair bc Martin had always been in my campaigns before (which is, yknow, one. Martin and I were even in a campaign with a completely different group a while back and Martin willingly left it very early because the group was loud & their character wasnt doing anything (yeah)). Every time Martins expressed (or i guess not expressed) sorrow for not being invited to it ive just sort of ignored them. this again isnt that uncommon cuz when shes sad he doesnt like to talk about it, and also they havent directly confronted me with this at all.
ive been talking about the campaign a lot because it occupies frankly a lot of my brain because i have so much to write, and i especially talk to the people that arent in it bc theres no risk of slipping up and telling them something they arent supposed to know. The other friend, Gabe, is friends with Zeke and Mark and I, and Dan is good around new people,, but Martins really quiet around people he doesnt know well, so if i invited her anyway they'd probably play the game even less than they already do.
again, im really bad at having an actual perspecitve on this. Virgil said he feels bad for Martin but not for himself, as far as i know Dan doesnt know about the situation, and i literally just dont wanna involve Mark and Zeke (Zeke HATES conflict and when people fight so he really doesnt have to be involved.) Mark Martin and I have all been really close friends since literally 7th grade and I guess Martin especially feels left out that I involved Mark and not them but Marks both really good at character creation and also talking in character, and like, hes my best friend who i do everything with.
I dont wanna blow off Martins emotions but but i truly dont give a shit that they feel betrayed by my not inviting him. especially because they havent bothered actually telling me this. objectively i dont think its my fault even a little, and Martin is really horrible at handling their emotions anyway (this isnt an insult, just a fact. i am too). aita for not inviting him + not caring that shes upset by it and acting like they arent?
sorry this is so long i really like providing context
What are these acronyms?
133 notes · View notes
taeiris · 11 months
Text
okay guys here’s my crazy unsupported st5 theory that is mostly just me projecting my need for madwheeler bonding and drama and angst also byler duh
Tumblr media
disclaimers: i never make theories so this is extremely messy probably, i know jack dookie abt writing shows i think of this as my own little version of what i would think would be very cool to happen, if this has loop holes dont ask me anything bc idk either
OKAY LETS GET ON IT
so first things first here is what i am taking into consideration for the theory to happen:
• mike pov, self reflection and introspection (he is gay and in love with will byers okay)
• madwheeler bonding, theyre both complex n misunderstood
• the upside down isnt just one dimension, i came up with this bc of how different the ud looks now
Tumblr media
compared to when henry arrived.
Tumblr media
to me theres like an umbrella dimension (yellow one) and others under it (blue one/hawkins ud, the void, etc)
this is also lowkey supported by the silly boobie diagram the writers posted abt
Tumblr media
OKAY PREPARE FOR THE WORD VOMIT
in this silly theory of mine, a new dimension variant of the ud will be revealed in season 5, serving as a parallel to the void. this is where max is
OKAY another thing is this is also heavily based on those “leaks” that were going around twitter (for me at least) earlier when the strike first started. i remember a few of them claiming that we would get a deeper insight into mike and his own things, so this is my interpretation
this would serve as another vanishing, not really bc its shorter, but this time mike will be getting stuck in this other dimension, eventually finding max BOOM madwheeler serve
Tumblr media
i mean look at them. the potential is insane
ANYWAYS
this dimension is like a combo of all the other ones, picture it like the hawkins ud, with the void’s wet floor maybe
lets go back to the fact max is here, this is her coma nightmare, its like this purgatory dimension vecna put her soul in
in this dimension inhabit your ghosts
this overwhelming, haunting, tormenting realm in your mind where you are constantly confronting all your bad memories, maybe this is kind of how vecna keeps max under his grasp, no happy memories allowed
okay so, mike gets there. how? when? i dont fucking know this is honestly just word vomit fanfiction to me
at first hes confused, scared but mostly confused, picture him screaming for wills name (the parallels) at first it’s empty and eerily quiet, but as he accepts it, the ghosts start coming in.
he gets BOMBARDED with these bad memories, some of them he cant even remember because come on, bro is always neglecting his internalized feelings/monologue in fear of what they say about him
this is where we get his pov on the whole will and eleven situation, amongst other things (like the way he’s constantly stressed thinking about the safety of the people he loves)
for a moment we see him break, bc these ghosts are LOUD and MANY
but it stops
max is here, she’s like “MIKE?”
“MAX?”
shes been here for a fat minute, she knows how to handle these ghosts in fact shes been going thru them one by one ever since, because shes done hiding. and she suspects that the only way to get out is by confronting them.
max saves mike from his ghosts, explains that this place is seemingly a purgatory with levels of memories and ghosts to overcome
this is how we get our madwheeler bonding we so graciously need, as they are part of eachother ghosts since theyre so similar it makes the other mad
this is how our complex misunderstood characters are broken down, explained to the audience, while also discovering the mystery that is this new dimension where at the finish line they might just figure out how to defeat vecna.
because they will
after overcoming the ghosts they find the place that vecna didnt think they would reach as he was so sure they would break and collapse on their own madness
think of it as how el found the source in season 3
Tumblr media
or how max found vecnas lair after running away in dear billy
Tumblr media
except this place is vecnas actual mind, they can see hear and feel what vecna is thinking, his plans and everything
mike wonders how will feels being able to feel this all the time
will feels this all the time
will is always connected to this piece of vecnas mind, to this source
he can always hear vecna
until he suddenly hears max… and mike and theyre calling for help
Tumblr media
theyve figured out key clues on how to defeat vecna, and they have an idea on how to get out. this is how will’s connection comes in handy
mind walkie-talkie
maybe thats what this theory should be called, idk
-
so thats how we get our byler confirmation, madwheeler bonding like never before, mike focus, and the key to defeat vecna
at least in my head
i know this was messy and all over the place but it was very fun to explain and drop all my thoughts ive been vomiting on the gc for months now
let me know what you think, what you would add, if theres anything you think will support this theory?
its all just a theory, for fun! pls keep that in mind
thank you if you’ve read this far🫶
312 notes · View notes
stealingpotatoes · 9 months
Note
The last episode of Ahsoka-
Literally- blow my mind- I had to stand up at least 3 times cause I was just so ???!!!!! !?!?!?!?!?!?!!??
Words can’t describe
The feeling that felt - xD
YEAH IM GONNA GO INSANE UNDER THE CUT ONE SECOND:
BITING THE FUCKING DRYWALL. BITING THE DRYWALL GNAWING CLAWING AND EATING IT. IM JUST. WHEN THE STAR WARS IS GOOD!! WHEN THE FANSERVICE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE!!!! LIKE YES WE GOT TO SEE TCW ANAKIN AND TCW AHSOKA IN LIVE ACTION BUT IT ALSO ADDED TO THE STORY AND GAVE US CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR AHSOKA AND SAID YEAH, THE FUN TONE OF CLONE WARS WAS BC THE CHARACTERS COULDN'T DEAL WITH IT ANY OTHER WAY. THEY WERE PEACEKEEPERS AND CHILD SOLDIERS WATCHING FRIENDS DIE ON THE DAILY AND IF THEY DIDNT JOKE THEN THE GRIEF WOULD TAKE OVER. AND THEY DONT SEE THAT IN THE MOMENT BUT ADULT AHSOKA REALISES HOW STRANGE IT IS
AND YEAH HAVING HER PLAYED BY A CHILD (also wow ariana greenblatt does such a good job i literally cant not imagine her when i think of babysoka now) RLLY DRIVES HOME HOW YOUNG SHE WAS. HOW FUCKED UP IT WAS. BUT ALSO WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES OF WAR ARE!! ALL THIS SAID WHILE FORCE SENSITIVE CHILD JACEN'S SO HEAVILY IN THIS EPISODE. AND W THE KANAN MENTION!!!! LIKE ITS POINTING OUT LOOK THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN WAR AND IF AHSOKA DOESN'T END THIS THEN JACEN WILL HAVE TO BE LIKE HER AND HIS FATHER AND I AM ONCE AGAIN BITING AT THE DRYWALL. IT DIDNT JUST GIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IT GRABS YOU BY THE FACE AND SAYS THE RETURN OF THE EMPIRE IS SERIOUS. WAR IS SERIOUS. ITS NOT THE CARTOON YOU GREW UP WITH.
AND ALL OF ANAKIN JUST GESTURES TO ALL OF THAT. HAYDEN SLAYED SERVED CUNT THROUGHOUT HE'S SUCH A GREAT ANAKIN NOW HE HAD SO MUCH RANGE TO THE CHARACTER AND THE FLICKERING ANIVADER AND RED LIGHTSABER. HE'S BOTH AT ONCE AND AHSOKA HAS TO ACCEPT THIS AND IM EATING DRYWALL AGAIN.
calming down for 2 seconds the cinematography was great this episode and the pacing was a definite improvement from ep1, which filoni also directed! this played into his directing strengths a lot better w the action and emotion. i won't lie i'm still not sold on the show as a whole i do think eps 1-3 were okay i guess, 4 was a step up and 5 is like. wow ok go girl. also the way they used anivader in this episode made me rlly sad for the kenobi show bc that show should've been smthn like this, using him as a vision for obi-wan's development instead of the villain of the show bc thats a tired fight but hey! this is abt ahsoka not kenobi i digress. SPEAKING OF loved how it was actually ABOUT the titular character for once. anyway. going insane. i don't have too much faith the show can keep this up but i'll be happy if it can reach smthn close to this as it goes on
112 notes · View notes