#i am between books right now
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#i saw someone talking about how they had copies of the same book in multiple languages and i was like.... why tho#like i get collecting multiple language editions of a favorite of yours#but this was presented as specifically for reading in other languages#idk am i the odd one out here?#i will not read anything translated Into Japanese#the way i look at it is that i learn languages to get a deeper understanding of the author's original intent#but as of right now theres still a little bit of a language barrier#translation is already a type of barrier between you and the original work#so why would i want to be twice removed from what the author is saying#languages#langblr#studyblr#language learning#benkyou posting#polls#memes#studyinspo#polyglot#the only reason i can see myself reading a book translated into japanese is if i really want to read it but japanese is the only#available language i know#but even then#i always have so many books to read that it really wouldnt make a difference if i either a. read it or not#or b. waited for it to be translated into english#i do know that im weird about translations though
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maybe i need meds???
#knocks on skull like GOD CAN YOU JUST FUCKING EMOTIONALLY REGULATE I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD#been swinging wildly between 'i need help' & 'im faking it' every single HOUR#the thing is. and this is the thing. my life right now is as close to perfect as i'll ever get there is literally nothing wrong#im MEANT to be HAPPY why am i UNSTABLE#im thinking meds maybe but also it's just such a pain#to book a drs appt to get put on a mental health plan to be put on a waiting list for a shrink then convince said shrink that I need meds#sounds painful#don't think I can do it...#but. ive booked a drs appt so baby steps.#but see like I booked it on wed bc I was very much going to have a breakdown at my desk then immediately felt silly on thurs morning bc#I felt fine??? then hours later I was like no. not fine actually#im going to fucking chuck#hex.txt#personal#personal posts are only on this blog bc u guys are more used to hearing me blabber bullshit than my main#does anyone wanna tell me some good news or something nice happening in their life
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The more I learn, the worse Fernando gets.
#beablabbers#granted I am also now reading every single review of this book because it is so. for a lack of a better word. american in tone.#by which I mean almost overenthusiastic in winning me over and talking too much like a sales pitch at points#which tbf is probably not an American Only thing. Also the last book I read only really felt like that in the introduction#but anyways. I will assume what I know now is right and what I know is that in Spain consent between spouses for marriage was#very very commonplace. So Antonio should have had no consequences really for doing what he did.#maybe he can still win. Maybe he could be reinstated. who knows.
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i would’ve accepted a book 9.5 if it had been from marella’s pov and started where stellarlune ended (like unlocked did with legacy).
#kotlc#NO BUT THINK ABOUT IT#we’d see marella’s realization that she found what fintan wanted and now has the information necessary to find out what happened to her mom#and then she’s like. wait. i gotta get out of this elysian situation first whoopsie daisy. but we could find out WHAT HAPPENED TO HER MOM#more fintan content and more four horsegirls content and WE’D SEE MARELLA’S FAMILY DYNAMICS (ESPECIALLY HER MOM) THROUGH HER EYES#and also marella’s stuffed animal :) bonus i guess#could be like unlocked where it switches between sophie and marella to keep some amount of connection to the main series#shannon messenger i am outside your house don’t ask how i got here but#the pov choice being marella was so obvious literally who cares about what keefe was doing in the forbidden cities#i should be past this but i’m still cyclicing through the stages of grief and haven’t quite reached acceptance yet lads#hhhhhhhhhh grieving over the marella pov book we never had and were never going to have#am i going to read unraveled? absolutely. i will eat up any canon kotlc content i can get my grubby little hands on#will i like it? right now i’m thinking no but hey maybe shannon will surprise me
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hey actually what was up with the artemis fowl series suddenly pivoting to make the grown adult woman a love interest for the teenage boy. like I’ve blocked everything after the first 4 books from my mind bc I hate them for many reasons but like. genuinely what the fuck.
#made worse I think by the new movie making Holly a child as well I think#(I don’t know I didn’t watch it and I’ll never watch it out of spite)#artemis fowl was one of The most influential book series for me personally I loved them dearly#(again. only the first 4 tho)#I HATED 5. it’s the only one I do not own. bc I disliked it that much.#but seriously pivoting the relationship between a literal child and a grown adult woman to be even kind of romantic is weird right#i knowwwww in the book where they kissed she’d been time bullshitty aged back down to a teenager too but like. my god#sorry I’ve had these grievances for nearly a decade now#anyway. I doubt anybody cares about this series lmao#also I must say I’m a niche butch Holly/transfem Trouble t4t lesbian truther it needs to be said#(i am the only correct person about artemis fowl thanks)#.doc#actually I must continue. I loved holly that was a real blow to her character. also no adaption has ever done her right.#theyve always made her too feminine. she’s got SHORT SHORT hair and brown skin and a hooked nose and literally nobody ever depicts her as s
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Some people have aggressively stupid takes on censorship, fictional content, kink…. But then also in irl sex and relationships, too, and it’s exhausting. If you are a grown adult wringing your hands about how you could never date anyone two years younger than you or getting your panties in a twist over regular safe consenting sex practices/acting like safe and consensual k.ink is inherently abusive…. Then your brain has been so thoroughly rotted by online puritan discourse and you need to get off of twitter and experience the real world. Genuinely. Hope this helps.
#and there is a difference between having an understanding of these things and avoiding certain k.inks because of personal preference/trauma#but acting as if people who participate in and enjoy these things safely and privately are ‘freaks’ or ‘disgusting’ or immoral#is not the same thing#also please recognize the rhetoric you are parroting for fucks sake#because calling people ‘freaks’ and ‘degenerates’ and wanting to police anything sexual… not the take you think it is#this sort of thing actually enables and leads to things like a lot of sodomy laws in the us that existed pre obergefell v hodges#which classified any sex deviant from your standard piv penetrative sex as unlawful and immoral#setting a very dangerous precedent about what people can and cannot do in their own home#there are so many reasons that it pisses me off seeing these things but with the state of things in so many places right now#it baffles me when chronically online bitches swallow puritan rhetoric without a second thought and don’t see the writing on the wall#in an era of book bans and drag bans and the demonization of the lgbtq community at large#and with a Supreme Court that has shown time and again that they put their personal biases ahead of the safety and rights of constituents#I do not know how people do not recognize#this sort of reactionary shit will ALWAYS hurt marginalized people first. respectability politics will not save you when they turn on you#okay send tweet I’m just annoyed#laur speaks!#I better not get some dumbass shit on this post I am tired I am chronically and mentally ill and having a hell of a semester.#not looking for discourse. I do not have time. get blocked argue with the wall read a fucking book and learn some shit while you’re at it.
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barkbarkbark Riichi Book I's writing is like screeching chalkboard to my game designer's, translator's, and writer's ears all at once
it's got great concepts buried in there but it's in like the most anti-comprehension packaging conceivable
#what the hell is wrong with you#folks like you are the BANE of game designers everywhere#and game PLAYERS for that matter#THIS is the best strategy reference the English speaking world's got?#baddabingbaddaboom ladies and gentlemen#im about to make bank writing the West's first riichi primer that actually meets the standards of the modern analogue game industry#(which to be honest is abysmal right now the industry's in an insane 'text free' fad right now where every word is replaced with a symbol)#alright then im gonna set the new standard then#imma bout to do for Riichi Mahjong what i did for Ryuutama Traversées 🫸🤛#and for all the dudes at unpub who know how to design incredible games but dont know how to write instructions#alright sorry I'll calm down#but seriously i am gonna start throwing together an actually quality-controlled guide#cause every english resource ive found so far has been like this... inconsistent and full of holes and omissions in explanations#chiba talks about the game's strategic immaturity in the west... well it's got an even bigger gap of educational immaturity#anyways.... I'll toss a bit of effort that way#we'll see how far i take it#I'll either make a few loose articles or a fully fledged book. no in between#god i dont have the energy to make another book when i dont even know if Traversées is ever gonna see the light of day#100% complete full color layout and everything. publishing limbo is real and it's every bit as stupid and unnecessary as you think.#(my case is much simpler than most though cause im only working with two small publishers rather than a big corp)#but still. damn#anyways im so tempted to throw some of my rulebook magic at riichi while it's got my interest#not like i need to write a strategy tome the game just needs a professional quality introduction#don't make me do it i absolutely will do it#i did it for ryuutama when no one wanted to give a decent publication-quality localization for the supplements#and by garriot i will do it for riichi mahjong too if no one gives me a quality guide. i aint afraid of a global high strategy game#<- manic#(im not manic im just extremely restless having not been able to do any solid design work in a while and this book is getting me riled up)#cause it's like “i could write such a more coherent rulebook and HAVE written a more coherent rulebook. so why don't i do it again?”#the Disease is why. but maybe I'll give it a shot anyways if i get a second wind (i guess im otakaze right now harharharhar)
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#did i need a new book? no#did i buy one? yes#in fairness. someone recommended it a few weeks ago and ive been meaning to read since#miscellaneous#okay we're going to take a shower right now and NOT go to bed at 3 AM maddie#not again...#i should write but#i fit a bit of fic writing in between work#what i really need to do is some MG novel writing but i'll fit that in between work tomorrow. nothing more tonight#i have writing group on thursday anyway
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the daisy jones and the six full trailer has me out here acting fully unhinged on a wednesday. so ready to make this my entire personality and annoy everyone who follows me ❤️❤️❤️
#i read the book solely so i could be weird and insane about this because that sounded fun and i was right!!!!!#the casting for graham#(described as big strong burly and hairy in the book and borderline twink-ish in the show)#is still hilarious to me#and i am terrified about how easily they could destroy camila (aka the beating heart of the book)#but i am so excited for this wild ride i'm about to go on#riley is PERFECT as daisy#and the chemistry between daisy and billy is already palpable just from the two minute trailer#AND THE MUSIC!!!!!#i don't love that they changed the lyrics but they still hit just right#like they sampled the chain on honeycomb#now that is an inspired choice#daisy jones and the six
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2023 reads / storygraph
A Crown So Cursed
conclusion to the Nightmare-verse trilogy, a YA urban portal fantasy
follows a Black girl trained to fight nightmare-monsters in Wonderland, to protect the people of both worlds
but the nightmares start coming for her in the real world - at a convention, and even her own home, and the crew have to prepare to fight a greater evil tied to Wonderland’s past
#A Crown So Cursed#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#a strong conclusion it's fun I enjoyed it overall!!#I know I shouldn't be surprised but the casual mention of metal detectors when they go into the convention at the start.......#the twist about her family was interesting!#my main gripe is like. I have never been into her love interest being a whole ass grown man!#like hes an entire adult technically as old as her grandmother#I guess I appreciate that it’s sort of a side thing; but.....#This book makes it VERY clear that there’s big crushes/attraction between her and haruka#and also addison has a male ex & they realise they very explicitly still have feeling for each other in this one.#and…….it just doesn’t sort of address that at the end?#like it’s clearly intentional; why not have them have even a brief discussion about it. polyamory babey.#I think if it HAD been explicitly brought up at the end I would have been a bit more cool with her and addison;#since that would have removed the sort of endgame-generic-relationship-monogamy-together-forever kind of assumption yknow..#I dunno. Not to say that I think things need to be spelled out - I think many people can read between the same lines I am right now#but like. It just felt like an obvious thing to have a conversation about somewhere in there?#idk!!#that it a relatively minor thing; it doesn't greatly effect my overall feelings about the series it's just. odd#bisexual books
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#update for the mutuals I gues.#it's 1:17 am#I've been writing letters every day to my dead bf.#trying to keep busy#trying to be okay.#sometimes I am! sometimes I feel fine.. other times I just CANT and that's okay. I am in therapy about it.#therapy is great I love my therapist they rule#i don't have a job yet.#I'm bouncing back and forth between my parents' houses.#that part sucks. I'm not a fan of that. and as we all know: Christmas is coming.#I'm not ready to do Christmas without him you know? I'm just not. but I will. I will do Christmas because Christmas was important to him#my forehead healed up okay. can't feel shit above my left eyebrow tho cause the nerves were severed.#I've read one book on loss and grief. it was good. helpful. I don't know if I can bring myself to read more of them? not right now at least#anyway. that's all.#Oliver
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My hospital has absolutely no idea how much daily damage control I do between the clueless cishets in my departments and every single trans patient we have
#had to recently stop an overzealous coworker from calling a patient bc she thought he was erroneously booked for a GYN exam#pt with note on profile that says ‘PT USES SHE/HER PRONOUNS’ and I have to correct the nurses right in front of the damn patient!!#RN who insisted we HAVE to use their legal name when addressing pts casually in the fuckin office#PLASTIC SURGERY NURSE doesn’t know the difference between transmasc and transfem#‘I never remember which way it goes’ - person with medical degree who is surely getting paid way more than me#all the trans pts check in with me now hdhgkg I have a trans flag pin on my jacket that was only gonna be temporary for pride month but now-#-it’s like PLEASE come to me I am the ONLY person here who isn’t a complete ignoramus about trans issues
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I really cannot stand the way people act about online art critcism sometimes. Someone on twitter giving fair criticism to a piece made by a professional artist even if unwarranted and even if the artist can actually see it isnt like A Crime its literally just kind of rude at worse. I hate to side with the pretentious art guys but literally like can we please stop acting like someone saying something couldve been done better is evil stuff. I hate you guys
#This is lowkey why Im more active here then I am on twitter#Allowed to say stuff looks wonky on here without somebody being like YOU KNOW SOMEONE WORKED HARD ON THAT?#Like there is a difference between telling someone with 13 followers whos clearly just starting out that their arts weird unwarranted but#like if its paid work. like we cannot be acting like this about fucking comic book art or like fine art paintings right#everything needs nuance obviously but you know#ok not mad about twitter anymore being calm now.
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🦋
#one of my least favourite media tropes is the 'bad person w a heart of gold' character lmao#i think its a kneejerk response to my inherent belief that when someone tells you point blank who they are you should believe them lmao#but also maybe its projection bc its not like ppl arent always offput by me for one reason or another#w/o ever actually getting to know me lmao.#so like maybe i just have chosen to disavow all versions of having a 'deeper' self in favour of spitting on the idea that i should have to#prove myself by disproving anything w a Deeper Level of Self lmao. maybe im actually just exactly what meets the eye.#perhaps i am not only totally fine w that but genuinely prefer it that way lmao.#... that is all hypothetical nonsense rambling however lmao. what is objective fact is the Bad Person w A Heart of Gold trope#has done as much damage as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope&i fucking hate them both the exact same amount lmao.#what is also objective fact is that i have now dropped two books in a row bc i refuse to sit thru the plot points of#'im an asshole but pls get to know me its def not fucked up that i take my bullshit out on random ppl like a toddler pls coddle this'#&'no one could ever understand my sad life story that makes me extremely abusive pls fix me' LMAO#ahhh i just need better distraction. between everything going on back home&the unstable weather making my unstable body heave#i have been going rather stir crazy&usually i can get thru like a book a day when things are like this#&starting over twice is Offensive right now LMAO.
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ive obtained a guitar
#my mom had one that she said i could take. and for the longest time i was like no i should wait until ive been doing bass longer before#adding smth else. but then i was like. right now im rlly enjoying doing music and i have the time and the desire to do it. so like.#it seems silly to not. so i have it im gonna try and learn over the summer and see if i can keep up with both. and then when school starts#again if it comes down to splitting time between them ill have a few months in each of them almost like 7 on bass. and they're similar#enough to eachother that i think a lot of stuff will probably cross over right? idk i was looking into it and it seems like a lot of more#experienced players will play at least a little bit on the other as well. and i also saw an article that said learning the other will help#improve more on the first one as well#i mean the thing is. it is just for fun. but also i think it would be so cool if i could get to the point where i can make my own songs jus#to post on here or smth. i think that would be rlly fun but like if i never do. i still just like it and its fun so its fine if i suck#but ya im gonna do it if it ends up ruining everything i can just quit like whatever#the sad thing though is. its an acoustic waahhhh#if i keep going obviously i eventually am gonna get an electric bc i was trying to think of songs i could learn on acoustic and i literally#could not think of a single one i like. LMAO my parents had a copy of sheet music for stairway to heaven (i think my sister must've tried t#learn it at some point?) so i took that too. bc it was literally the only one they had besides a big book of mormon ones lol. so im gonna b#that guy that only plays stairway to heaven lolllllll
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Someone tell me how to make me not hate myself and make my family not think I’m a bitch and make me want to see my family or drive back down the coast or stay in strange places or do anything other than kill myself I mean whaaatttt haha what a weird thing to say *stares directly into the camera knowingly*
#and don’t say take your medication#fuck. my moms sitting here like I was under the impression you had this all figured out and I’m like well I was under the impression you#we’re going to fucking sit down with me and help me book a room for the last night of driving bc I can’t book and I have to find somewhere#between like three states that will let me check into a hotel room bc if I get somewhere and they don’t let me stay I’m fucked and have no#where to go or sleep bc I can’t sleep in the car on the way back bc my car is packed to the FUCKING top with my brothers shit fuck fuck fuck#fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#it’s just like being a kid I can hear my family making fun of me for my emotions in the next room over FUCK I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE T#THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS#I think I’m having caffeine nic and med withdrawals at the same time while pmsing#AND WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT A PLAN FOR DRIVING BACK DOWN#I think I’m the biggest bitch on the planet rn#i was listening to father by tfb in the car and there’s a line about something about falling asleep while you drive and I apparently sang iy#with a lot of passion bc my brother said ‘please don’t’ and that was literally the first time anyone has called me on my recent musicchoices#but it really has all been like I need to go anywhere but where I am right now and I need to die far away and that’s it#no more starting over no more self hatred no more family shit I just need to stop#I want to hire someone to drive my brothers shit down to Florida and then I want to kill myself in New England#Anyways. I’m gonna go try to eat something and take my meds and then move stuff around in the car and also try to get a room somewhere by#the end of my trip and I don’t have much time at all and I need to kill everyone and then myself now now now now now now now now now now now#every time I move my body the entire world spins and idk if it’s anxiety or med withdrawals or being tired or what but I am losing it and I#feel like I don’t have it in me to drive any fucking more this trip and the way back is only just beginning#and in less than hour were supposed to check out of this hotel and go to my aunts for a big family celebration of my brothers graduation and#Mother’s Day and I’m going to see all my family who still has a fucking father and I want to be fucking dead I hate all of this I hate it#I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it
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