#i am bored online and have been focusing on m+ lately

[wp100]

Choose your Khadgar

[juuls]

Pharmacist/Me = 1 🏆 Doctor/Nursing Staff = 0

Thank you in advance for reading this rant. I’ve been really frustrated and just needed to get this off my chest, and today at least I had a wonderful knight in a white lab coat. 🩺❤️‍🩹🥽🥼💪🏻

Content warnings and squicky squicks: (further down there is) an image of a medical vial with a clipped image of a more benign part of a syringe, health conditions (endometriosis, fibromyalgia), menstrual cycles and associated terms such as bleeding and other things, lack of empathy in my specific healthcare system, hysterectomies, pain, swearing and losing patience. Most important warning: self-administered syringes and injection discussions of legal medications (Depo-Provera) approved of by professionals and properly researched. P.S. this may sound rather Karen-like but I would never do this to someone’s face. Online ranting and acknowledging where I could do better is not the same as screaming in public for bossy requests or comps, etc. Ew.

Another ‘warning’… pharmacists being kick-ass allies and giving a damn about their patients.

I’m really annoyed because (and I know healthcare and scheduling is a clusterfuck right now, but…) for over a month now I’ve been trying to get an appointment in person to get this injectable medication that is, yes, birth control, but is also used for endometriosis in my case. And I have severe endometriosis (exacerbated severely by fibromyalgia, siiiiigh) to the point I bleed enough and lose so much I have to go to the hospital when my care is not properly preventative… like in this case, and the pain is unbelievably severe also to the point I’ve spent time in the hospital, including my 11th Christmas Eve and Day. I started this injectable medication at 13 because it was the only thing that came close to helping reduce my endometrial tissue. Even a hysterectomy wouldn’t help as much, unless they decided to go the super invasive route and remove all the organs (or parts of them) that had become ‘infected’ by the tissue. Again, tissue where it’s not supposed to be, and it causes extreme pain as the tissue tries to flush out of my body each period, even if it’s attached to, like, my pancreas. Just no. That does not work at all. No. That is not fun.

SO. I’m 31, nearing 32, and the doctor’s office knows this. I’ve had the same doctor since I was 10. Been on this medication nearly non-stop for just shy of two decades (with appropriate precautions such as bone density tests) because of the absolute severity of the pain and my inability to function when it hits… which can be months at a time of non-stop bleeding and morning sickness-level nausea and vomiting, migraines and the occasional complete inability to move—in other words, it’s debilitating.

My doctor (even the nurses, as it’s in large print at the top of my file in the system) knows all about this. They’re supposed to call me if I’m overdue by a certain margin (I get they’re busy but months and months???). But my doc’s also a bit of an airhead (albeit a smart one when he focuses) and takes forever to reply to anything on time, even when it’s a severe issue, but not severe enough to go to the hospital. But it’s gotten to the point where the nurses say to go to the ER and then the ER nurses and doctors there get SUPER pissed off (AT ME AND SOMEHOW NOT AT MY DOCTOR/NURSES AND THEIR ORDERS) at the ‘waste of time’, and it’s just a clusterfuck.

Oh yeah, and that ER visit while I was overdue for my injection? Internal intestinal bleeding along with a lovely, even if small, perforation in my fucking uterus from the growth of endometrial tissue. I MEAN COME ON — WHAT IN THE HELL. Totally preventable if they fit me in when I called literally over a month ago.

But I will not change my doctor (the other docs at the practice know what is going on and have offered to take me on, but they don’t have the experience with myself and my conditions or the history, but they can do little else because of professional conduct—it’s between myself and my doc) because he is the only one who treats me with humanity and understands fibromyalgia, endometriosis, pre-MS and pre-RhA/PsA, endo-related IBS, (ulcerative) colitis, and other neurological conditions with any degree of empathy. (See, I told you I’m a mess!) There is no way I’m switching offices in the perpetual shortage of doctors in Canada moving elsewhere for m o n e y (plus Covid-19 being a teen hooligan and constantly coming back to wreck more goddamn shit, including everyone’s sanity, then setting things on fire like the real hooligans in my village have been doing this summer — I mean… what in the hell!?!?), so with all that in mind I actually thank my lucky stars. So I put up with a lot of this shit because he treats me, besides him being an airhead, like an actual human being deserving of compassion and care and quality of life despite my severe disabilities and pain. So.

I’m usually treated really well (even if they often think I’m a nuisance for daring to be severely chronically ill/in pain all the time) so I try to be patient and good and understanding when I can.

But his STAFF (I know they’re busy and I’ve been patient but they’ve been so awful honestly to the point I cried hard enough my dad noticed my red eyes and frustration-tear fracks on my face)! And the doc himself’s inability to reply to notes on time even when urgent and when he knows the circumstances (I admit I am a bit of a hard patient so I can understand if he just kinda ignores me sometimes, honestly). But in this case I was THREE DAMN MONTHS LATE for my injection and they’ve always called in the past when I was coming due if it looked like I hadn’t scheduled an injection, so that I was all on time and squared away and didn’t risk severe pain and damage to my already-fucked hormonal system (learning I couldn’t have kids was absolutely heartbreaking, let me tell you, but even a hysterectomy in that case would solve nothing — this is by far the easiest option, especially considering how my fibromyalgia would fuck with my post-surgery recovery and leave me with lasting pain for years if not decades; sigh).

Anyway. So. After some ridiculous levels of back and forth and some truly remarkable levels of lack of compassion (she kept giving me the exact same, word for word response in a bored tone UGH) considering the severe pain I was in (I was told, in front of OTHER PATIENTS AND STAFF, that I could just wait until I talk to the doctor myself at my next phone appointment and then schedule my injection for my next MONTHLY followup — 4.5 months overdue at that point, it would’ve been — because, and I quote, ‘am used to dealing with pain because of my fibromyalgia and years of dealing with it and other conditions’ which they named in front of others!!!!!!!! what. the. fuck. But I kept my cool because I know all these people, my mom taught their kids music, they’re a fixture of the community, etc. and I refuse to be a Karen…. At least externally.

But here comes the nice part that makes me love our new (okay, he’s been here like 5 years but still, in a small town that’s pretty new lmao) pharmacist that much more. Rasik was aware of my frustration with the doctor and nurses and was even the one who brought to my attention that, at the time, I was 2 months late for my injection and he was a bit concerned since he’s privy to how much pain I exist in without throwing in one or more knives directly into my womb, ovaries, tummy, hips, and other areas my endometrial tissue has taken root. He’s such a sweetheart and he really does care for his patients— the work he does with my father’s diabetes (the tricky one where you’re not obese) management is above and beyond the call of a pharmacist and I will forever be grateful for that alone, never mind how he cares for me.

So I went in today to pick up another medication, after yet another frustrating stop-over at the nurses’ desks, and he suggested I ask for my injectable medication (it’s Depo-Provera, by the way) and the syringe plus the two tips necessary — I’m actually familiar with this since I had to learn epinephrine injections from an early age (not Epipen) and how to give testosterone daily to my ex-husband (sorry not sorry, dude, but congrats on your first kid *grouchy thumbs up*). But yeah! Legally he’s not allowed to suggest I give it to myself, but he was getting super fed up with the nurses and doctors dragging their feet and ‘being assholes with little empathy’ in his own words, so I took the hint and requested my vial plus syringe, as well as the drawing and injection gauge needles…. which he gleefully filled for me, and I reiterated that it was ‘fully my idea, not yours, Rasik, because everyone knows I’m dumb and would never think it’s you if something happened’ (I’m not dumb and I’ve given injections to others many times looool).

Long story short: HERE’S TO PHARMACISTS AROUND THE WORLD, BEING AMAZING AND CARING FOR THEIR PATIENTS AND ‘BENDING BUT NOT REALLY BENDING’ THE RULES TO MAKE SURE THEIR CLIENTS ARE CARED FOR PROPERLY. They are amazing and deserve every last bit of your courtesy, especially when they pull double duty every. single. day. because of Covid and their subsequent boosters. (i.e. boosters in the form of humans who are fucking stupid if they have no medical reason not to get the vaccine… I mean JFC.)

Rasik? You are amazing and I am 100% going to find you some Indian-Canadian (or North Indian; I believe that’s where he’s from originally) treats or desserts or make some myself after slyly asking his assistant what he leans toward liking.

Be kind to one another, yeah, but… my goodness: be kind to those who can truly make a difference in your health, sanity, and even life or death.

Pharmacists, volunteers, and frontline health workers: the true heroes of these times.

Thank you so much. So very much.

💜💙🇨🇦👨🏽‍⚕️❤️‍🩹🙏🏻

P.S. … now I just gotta stab myself intramuscularly after making sure there’s no air bubbles and etc., and swap out to the proper gauge needle (different, smaller, to draw from the vial, larger to inject so that it goes in more quickly and, oddly enough, hurts less haha). I don’t think air bubbles are as much of an issue as when injecting intravenously (ummm I have a doctor uncle and grandma nurse and nurse friends, so shush 😆). But I’ve done this for others and animals so I should be good! :)

I’m a smart enough cookie even if I’ve lost a few nibble-size pieces around the edges. 😉😘 buahaha

Cheers to my pharmacist!!!! You are amazing and I can’t wait for the pain and months and months of bleeding to settle down.

Remind me again why humans are the only mammals (animals?) with monthly fluxes? UGH wtf ever. 🙃

[kagetsukai]

Writer’s Review

Holy crap, I’m finally doing this tag!!! I’ve been trying to reply to it for a very long time, but every time I’ve opened my old writing, I’d fall into reading my stuff all over again. Some of my stuff is literally from 2005, y’all! I’m sure if went digging deeper, I could find stuff from 2002 ;) ANYWAY!

I was tagged by: @roguelioness @laraslandlockedblues @queen-kass-the-writer & @dismalzelenka. Thanks lovelies!

Tagging: @out-of-the-embers @shannaraisles @puddle--wonderful @thebakerstboyskeeper @allisondraste @ellenembee @ellstersmash @hollyand-writes @irlaimsaaralath @jonogueira @lucyrne @ma-sulevin @novamm66 @naiatabris @rhetoricalrogue @wardenari

Rules: Post two snippets of your writing. The first should be one of the oldest examples of your work that you can find (the older the better!), and the other has to be an excerpt from something more recent. Compare the two side by side to see the difference between what your writing looks like now and how it did then.

I’m keeping it all under a ‘Read More’, because I actually like you people and don’t want you to have to scroll for a day and a half to get to the bottom of this post. You’re welcome!

Okay, let’s talk about the oldest piece of writing I could get my hands on. The timestamp on this puppy is from 2005, which sounds about right. I wrote it long-hand while laying down on my ex’s couch. Not sure what exactly prompted me to write this story, but I still fucking love it, even fifteen years later. I’m not going to link to my online archive where this fic lives because I am NOT opening myself up to criticism over what I wrote when I was younger. Not today, Satan! Anyway, the fandom is Yami no Matsuei/Descendants of Darkness and the pairing is Tatsumi Seiichiro/Watari Yutaka, my OTP for that fandom :)

Shadows danced around the barely lit room as the blinds moved to the rhythm of the wind. The house looked deserted, but the open terrace door, and a faint scent of something familiar, convinced Watari that Tatsumi was home. He took a tentative step forward, constantly double-guessing his choice to come at such a late hour. Considering the way things progressed between them in the last couple of days, he could expect to be thrown out rather quickly. Still, as each slow step brought him closer to the glass door, he had a feeling he had made a good decision.

Cold, crisp air filled his lungs when he stepped onto the dark terrace. He did not need magical abilities to feel the well-known presence, mixed with an awful stench of cheap cigarettes. Watari raised his eyebrows as he watched the dark silhouette against the night sky; so hunched and tired. Between his slender fingers, Tatsumi held an unlit cigarette.

“Are you going to light it?” he asked.

A visible tremble ran through that powerful frame as the small roll of finely cut tobacco fell out of Tatsumi's grasp. He followed its path for a brief moment and then shrugged. When he turned away from the railing, he kept his head low, hiding behind the long bangs. Watari swallowed almost audibly as he noticed the dark circles around Tatsumi's normally vibrant blue eyes. It only proved how poorly Tatsumi had been taking care of himself lately.

“Not anymore,” Tatsumi said in a flat voice.

Now, this next excerpt is from something I am currently working on, but haven’t actually posted yet. It’s a conversation between Fenris and Garrett Hawke, while Hawke is living a boring life and hiding from The Chantry post DA2. It’s from a random story that I decided to revisit recently, that I will be reposting this coming fall.

Fenris looked him up and down with a critical eye. “Considering what you look like, I’m surprised as well. What have you done to yourself? Was this your idea of a disguise?”

“What’s wrong with how I look?” Garrett pouted.

“You remind me of the humans in Kirkwall who kept pushing their questionable wares on clueless customers. Remember? They smelled of patchouli and smoked a lot of elfroot.”

Garrett snorted with amusement and reached up to run a hand through his now shoulder-length hair. He’d been keeping it in all sorts of braids and ponytails - mostly because it was easier to keep it out of the way while working the forge - but he figured Fenris probably meant the various piercings he now sported on his clean-shaven face.

“If you must know, I ended up near Wycome and there was a lovely Dalish clan friendly to humans who did all sorts of piercings in exchange for supplies and money.” He gently tugged at his right earlobe and at the large wooden plug that sat within the flesh. “It’s amazing what you can do with high pain tolerance and magic, my friend. I wanted to look nothing like my description and I think I succeeded at it.”

Now, onto the comparing thing!

My writing used to be a lot more focused on trying to evoke emotion and suspense through meticulous editing and sentence sculpting. It sounds stupid, maybe, but I remember taking a long time to go through my stuff with a fine-toothed comb to make sure that: 1) I don’t sound ESL, and 2) that I convey the emotions I was striving for. My early influence for writing like that was Tolkien (and I whole lot of other fantasy authors I can’t think of right now). I wanted to sound fancy REALLY FUCKING BAD.

These days my language is a lot more relaxed. I think once I left the creative influence of my ex, I was able to find my own voice in writing. I figured out that my strength lies in the more modern language and urban fantasy style (if we’re talking about traditionally published works). I think it really reflects that in the second blurb, because it feels funny, relaxed, laid back. Also, my sentence structure is nowhere near as stiff. Which I like.

Another thing I noticed is that I used to write exclusively M/M pairs, while I now write almost exclusively M/F pairs. I’m going to out myself as one of these obnoxious people who thought that writing M/F was gross and M/M was the only way to exist as a writer in fandom. Gods, I was SO STUPID. Ugh. Anyway! I was clearly dealing with trying to work out my sexuality while in a deeply Catholic culture, so we’re not going to dive TOO deep into it. This is just a meme, after all ;)

The big question is, have I improved my writing? The obvious answer is, yes. For one, I don’t have a beta editor to catch all of my mistakes anymore. I do all of my own writing and editing, and I feel like I do okay on most days. I also don’t stress as much about making my fiction perfect. Once you let go of the desire to get every sentence ironed out to crisp perfection, your writing immediately improves by a mile. I also don’t over-describe actions as much anymore.

I dunno, while I think I haven’t changed my style TOO much, I also feel I’ve changed A LOT. In the end, this is a part of my journey and I’m nowhere near done traveling ;)

[lightwoodsmagic]

WIP folder 📒

I’ve had a bit of a rough writing time lately, so I banned myself from Tumblr for a bit and when I came back, I had so many lovely people tag me to share the WIPs I currently have! Thank you so much @haztobegood @runaway-train-works @jacaranda-bloom @bitter-leaf and @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed; you’re all so wonderful! 💕

Right. So. Here we go.

Fests/exchanges/etc

I’m bad at remembering what should be anon and what shouldn’t, sooooo. Apologies.

🎄 @1dchristmasfest

I’ve got a lovely office AU Ziam fic for this, featuring awkward, drunk, impromptu stripper Zayn, and pining Liam. Good shit.

⛓ @hlkinkexchange

So there’s no emoji that combines intricate and beautiful leatherwork, a vineyard, isolated Harry and enthusiastic Louis, and a master at his craft. So, have some chains instead. You all get it.

👑 @hlroyaltyfest

This fic involves social media, a fandom, and Louis having no idea that his online friend Harry is Prince Harry, and falling in love with him anyway. I am EXCITED.

🎮 @larrygamingfest

I am BEYOND keen for this fic. I’m writing a Bioshock Infinite AU with Louis as Booker’s character and Harry as Elizabeth’s, but changing up some things to create my own little twists and plot lines. I’m including some extra stuff from the original Bioshocks, and I’m BLOODY excited. She’s gonna be a doozy and a half, and a monster.

👮🏻‍♂️ @onedirectionbigbang

My FAVOURITE WIP. My Ziam Miss Congeniality AU that I’ve been working on forever. It’s gonna be massive, and have more crime-based, more tension and danger and protectiveness, more everything than the original. I can’t fucking wait for you all to read it.

Sequels

WIPs I currently have that extend from any of my current fics!

✨ The Lone Hygrangea sequel

This focuses basically on Ziam, because Zayn wasn’t in TLH and I was desperate to put him in. The story wrote itself. Tattoo artist/wizard Zayn who works for Niall at a tattoo parlour that does both wizarding and muggle tattoos. Liam as the teacher whose best friend just started dating that lovely florist next door to Niall’s shop. I had this planned as I was writing the original one.

⚡️ Just As Fast, Twice As Dangerous sequel

Another sequel I was dying to write as I was writing the original. Ziam dealing with Zayn’s powers and moving forward in their relationship. I love writing in this universe. Empath Zayn is my favourite Zayn I’ve written.

Other fics

🎙 Meet & Greet AU

A Ziam fic based on a snippet I wrote recently from a prompt from @ltwalls2020 🥰 where Zayn takes his sister to Liam’s M&G and they...vibe. I’ve always wanted to write a f/nf, and I already love this so much.

💈Barber AU

Often egged on by @larryscurves for this one, but it’s actually almost done! I’ve just had to put it aside for a sec. Barber Liam has the shop next to florist Zayn, and they DO NOT get along, aside from the mass amounts of sexual tension. Featuring a very tension-heavy scene with a straight razor. There’s a lil’ snippet here!

🥘YouTube cooking channel AU

This is based on the channel Sorted Food, which five British best friends who cook, have challenges, and are the funniest arseholes ever. Two of them are trained chefs, the other three are just normal. It’s my favourite YouTube channel, and if you know it, let me know, and I’ll tell you who’s based on who. I’ve obviously made it super gay, though. Featuring Larry and Ziam! And Niall, obviously.

💍 Event Coordinator AU

I have been writing this fic for YEARS. Literally. It started as a different fandom. All you need to know is that it’s head chef Harry, who works for a catering company that specialises in corporate (or boring) events and hates it, and event coordinator Louis with a flair for creativity and individuality. Features sous chef Liam, florist Zayn (fuck me, I love a good florist fic, hey? Can you tell I used to be one?), audio tech Niall, numerous venues around London, sexuality exploration, and saving each other. IT’S SOME GOOD SHIT if I do say so myself. I hope you all love her, she’s my baby. She won’t be around for a while yet, though.

🌎 Bodyguard fic

Mar needs to stop sending me prompts because they’re all pure gold. This one is Ziam, new but still started the outline. Liam is hired as Zayn’s bodyguard when him and his colleagues are threatened, which is made complicated by the fact that Zayn is an interpreter for the UN, and these guys mean serious business. Also made complicated by the fact that they have history, but not the kind you’d expect.

🌈 Queer chorus AU

Based on the adult choir I joined a couple of years ago! It has friends Harry and Zayn not knowing quite where they belong, Niall helping them feel safe and welcome, and accompanist Liam and musical director Louis who make it feel like home. Full of lots of big, queer feelings, music, and absolutely falling in love. Aw yessss.

And a couple of other bits and pieces :)

Um, okay, so I feeeeel like lots of people have been tagged, but I tag @forreveries @lululawrence @allwaswell16 @laynefaire @ferricadooza @2tiedships2 @hogwartzlou @wallstagram and anyone else who wants to do it!

[azylamolap]

Obedient

(by azyl00 for Mr. Love Dream Date Fanfic Contest)

You asked me to wait,

I told you not to;

But you smiled at me

As if you heard nothing.

<<Flashback>>

“Wait for me.” He said.

“You know I can’t, Lucien.”

“Distance doesn’t matter, as long as we love each other, right?”

“But I’m afraid. I’m scared. You know I’m not ready for a relationship. I need to focus on my studies; I don’t want to lose my scholarship. With the dad getting fired, I have to work part-time to afford school.”

“But I’ll be here supporting you. I won’t leave you alone. I’ll help you pay.”

“I don’t want to be selfish, Lu. You’re the kind of person who gives 200%; you’ll be busy with your internship at the hospital. I don’t want you to drag you down nor want your money. You know how I feel about that.”

“You are stubborn as hell. How can you be selfish when you know I could afford it, the money and the time?”

“I want you to prioritize your patients rather than thinking about me, not eating or not. Plus, the US is not as cheap as here.”

“Even if I’m your boyfriend or your friend, I’ll still be concerned. You look like a stick!”

“I don’t want to fight today, anymore, Lu.” She sighed. “Today is the last day I’m spending time with you face to face; you’re flying to the US tomorrow.”

“Okay. Okay. No more fighting?”

“I’ll miss hanging at this Peach Grove with you.” She said while looking at the flowers around.

“I’ll miss you more.” He whispered while looking at her.

She just smiled sadly at him.

An awkward silence surrounded them as they walked home.

“Lu…”

“Why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me?”

“It’s not breaking up when you haven’t even started.”

“M…” He said but was suddenly stopped as she hugged him.

“Please, let’s stay like this.”

“…”

“I guess this is goodbye, for now, Lu. Take care of your flight to the US tomorrow! Send me chocolates, lots of them when you ever visit.” She said as she lets go, wiping her tears as they slowly fall from her eyes.

“Wait for me, M.,” he said as he helped her wipe her tears away.

“Don’t, Lu.”

He smiled and kissed her forehead. He bid her goodnight as she entered her house.

I wasn’t supposed to hope;

To be with you someday

Unconsciously, I did.

And perhaps, I was obedient.

Lucien arrived safely in the US and started his career while she continued her studies.

They would talk every night; he’d asked her what she has eaten, she’d ask him how many lives he saved. They’ll do it for hours until one of them is asleep or off to duty.

This was their routine

For a Month…

For a Year…

Until both of them were too busy, he was focused on his career; she in her studies.

Talks for hours became missed calls.

Messages sent.

Messages read later.

She graduated while he was awarded one of the best doctors in his hospital.

100-word messages became shorter and shorter.

From stories, they became greetings. “Happy Birthday.” “Merry Christmas.” “Congratulations.”

Messages seen.

Messages unanswered.

On her mind, she dreamt of scenarios seeing him again. She’ll hug him harder than the last time. She’ll wait for him this time. She’ll be much better.

But years passed, and she started her career. They’ve never met.

No more messages.

Just unsent ones.

Then time passed by,

I saw you again,

And you smiled at me

As if you were to say something.

“I hate these kinds of conferences,” Kiki complained. “Why does the boss always assign boring ones to us?”

“What’s boring about a doctor finding a cure to cancer? Surely, it’s worth the headline.”

“There are no handsome guys here, MC.” Her companion sighed. “As per research, Dr. Freeman is a genius, but he looks like a crazy old dude with no sleep. How can I listen to this four-hour conference?”

“There, there, Kiki. That’s why you have me. We’re in this together. Just don’t forget to take lots of photos, okay?”

“Aye. Aye.”

The program started, “Good morning, we welcome you all to this conference on ‘A Step Closer to Curing Cancer.’ We are afraid that Dr. Freeman is unable to come with us due to an illness, but he will be substituted by his assistant.”

“Oh, that’s probably another old guy. I want to bail out.” Kiki whispered. “Why do we always choose to be on the front? It’s hard to stand up without getting noticed.”

“Shh… keep quiet, Kiki, I’ll need to take note of the name for the article.” She answered her colleague back.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce our speaker, Dr. Lucien.”

…

“Ten Million people per year die because of cancer. It might be strangers, our friends, our loved ones. Ladies and gentlemen, you may have to worry no more. On behalf of my mentor, Dr. Freeman, this is Dr. Lucien, not only saying to you good morning, but we have found a cure.”

“On second thought, I thank you, Madam Boss, for the assignment and you MC for the front row seats. This guy is gorgeous. And his voice, don’t get me started with his voice.”

“…”

“MC, hey.”

“…”

“Earth to MC!” Kiki whispered again as she looked at MC with confusion.

He was here in the flesh. Her friend, is he still her friend even though it has been years since their last message? Exactly 999 days?

He saw her.

Their eyes met,

for one

two

three seconds.

And a smile crept on to his lips.

Did he wait? Did he still love her? All those questions were on her mind as he was speaking to the audience. They were mesmerized by him like she was. Lucien was still Lucien, but he was brighter than ever.

You were supposed to wait;

To be together, you and I,

But then you didn’t.

And sadly, you were obedient

“MC, you were so spaced out during the whole conference. Are you okay?”

“Yes, Kiki. I was just a bit shocked.”

“Did you get star struck? Or fall in love at first sight? So that’s your ideal guy, MC. I’ve never seen you dating since we started working.” Her friend pondered.

“Uhmm.. he just looked familiar.”

“Oh, wait, there he is!” Kiki said as she dragged her through the people who were crowding the star.

“Lucien!” Someone shouted, and a woman suddenly was in the middle of the crowd hugging the doctor.

“Jade! I didn’t know you’d be here,” he said as she smiled at her and kissed her cheeks.

“Wow! What a beauty!” Kiki said as both of them got shocked by the newcomer. “I want to see them closer, I want a picture. They look cozy.”

“You can go to them, Kiki. I’m going to go ahead.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m hungry, and I need to go to the office so that it can be printed tomorrow.” She said to her friend as she bid her goodbye.

Thoughts run on her mind as she was walking away.

In the end, he fulfilled her wish;

Not to wait, but to move on.

In the end, she fulfilled his wish,

To wait, even though she told him not to.

Months have passed since that meeting.

Her article was a hit earning her praise.

He flew back to the US to continue the research.

She was sad, but that didn’t stop her in life. She still worked, went out with friends, and thought of him less and less.

Maybe they were not just meant to be?

No other guys she has met ever piqued her interest.

Maybe she was meant to be single?

Maybe?

Maybe not?

Maybe?

Maybe not?

She said as she plucked the leaves on the fallen flower.

She was alone on her sanctuary, at the peach grove, until she hears footsteps.

Until she saw him.

“Hey.” He said cautiously.

“Lu… Lucien?”

“I was looking for you everywhere, I almost forgot we hung out at this spot.”

“You were looking for me?”

“Yes. I’ve tried going to your house, but the tenant said you’ve already moved.”

“Oh yeah. You could’ve messaged me.”

“I wanted to see you.” He said as he looked at her. “At the conference, I was looking for you, but your friend said you were back in the office. I forgot to ask your number from her; you changed your’s way back.”

“Yes, I was busy writing the article about the cure for cancer.”

“I read it. It was an amazing article.”

“Your research was marvelous, how’s it by the way?”

“We are actually on Phase 2 of testing, we are conducting one in the US, and I’m assigned here.”

“Oh,” she was shocked. “So, you’ll be staying here?”

“For good, hopefully. We can conduct researches and coordinate them online.”

“That’s good. I’m happy for you.” She said as she smiled at him.

They spent a few minutes of silence together, admiring the beauty of their peach grove.

“M?”

“Yes”

“I missed you, you know.”

“You’re not the only one who did, Lu.”

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“That forcing it back then would have destroyed us. I would’ve been busy with the patients, then the research, I would have no time for you.”

“And you would’ve blamed yourself for not putting me first and pushing me away. That’s why I did it first.”

“I understand that. I guess it’s the perks of being an adult, yes?”

“True. I would probably hide from you forever if we broke up back then.” She laughed at the notion.

“Six years, and you still laugh the same.” He told her.

“Six years, and you are still as observant as ever.” She countered back.

“And single as ever.”

“You never dated?”

“Too busy with the research.”

“I thought you were dating that pretty girl at the conference?”

“Do I smell jealousy there?”

“No!”

“It was Jade. Her husband was one of my colleagues at the hospital. Both of them were actually there at the conference.”

“Oh.”

“I’m actually waiting for this stubborn girl, but she told me not to.”

“Oh.”

“M … I’m still waiting for you. The moment I laid my eyes on you, I knew you were the one. But that time, back then, wasn’t ours. I hope now is the right time.”

“We were best friends back then, Lu. Right now, we barely know each other.”

“We’ll take it slow. Let’s hang out like we used to, start being friends again. Then go on dates, adventures, more dates?”

“What about work?”

“The perks of being head researcher means I have many people I can delegate my work to. No more late nights. How about you?”

“No worries on my side. Ever since I started working, everything went well, Dad’s job is stable, and I guess we have no more financial problems.”

“You in? Slow and steady?” he said as he extended his hand to her.

“I’m still scared, Lu.”

“We’re always a good team, M. We can do this together.”

“I know.”

“So? You and me?”

“Yes, you and me.” She said as she held his hand.

They both hugged each other.

Harder than the last.

Harder thinking it was their last.

But actually, it was one of their many firsts.

Their first hug as a couple,

Their first date,

Their first kiss.

He asked her to wait,

the stubborn girl he loved.

To be together, she and him

And he thought she didn’t.

Time has passed

And fate let them meet again

Luckily, she did

The stubborn girl was obedient.

[love-anewlyprofessionalperson]

5 things April 18, 2019

i. I am training for a ten km run. Possibly a sprint triathlon.  I am Good at running. It has taken me ~12 years to get to this place, to say I’m Good at running, and that I feel good about running, and don’t have to mock myself/others for doing it. In the past, I was weirdly jealous of runners/backed out of competition in any form. I thought “oh I’m so unlike “them”. Fast forward to April 14 - when I ran a 5 km in 23.37 and that was that. I am like them. I ran a 5 in a time I never thought possible for myself, because I never thought it was possible for myself. The running community can be supportive and positive. I just have to remember to be positive and supportive of myself. 

The race I was at had a lot of families running it, and a lot of groups of friends/triathlon team mates. A real mixed bag. In any case, I want to be part of this kind of mixed bag. I don’t want to roll out and go to races alone (see point v). I want to build up a positive and supportive community around me. I know I have a lot of great people in my life, but I’m thinking it’d be beneficial to befriend some runners. I am like them. I like the sport. I like having healthy habits in my life. I like the sport. This is huge, to admit that I like A SPORT, rather than shit on it. Re: the sprint triathlon (750 m swim / 26.5 k bike / 5 k run), a friend said: Oh, so it’s all things you can do in your sleep. 

And I thought. Fuck yeah. I’ve been swimming, biking, and running for my entire life one way or another. I just need to be more confident in myself, and remember that there are people who see me as a person who does spring triathlons in my sleep. I am starting to see myself like that. It feels good.

ii. Ongoing since my “appreciation” for George Fayne, but more often contemplated in recent years: I am considering coming out.  While this has been a somewhat gradual thing, to be oh so ‘out’, it’d mean telling my room mates, others I’m close with, and parents, that I’m bisexual. I rationalize this a million ways- it’s just a simple sentence! What they make of it, is what they make of it, just say the sentence... Sometimes when both my room mates are home and we’re all chilling in the main space I think: NOW NOW NOW. But I remain not fully out. I think I feel pressure with People Knowing I’m Bisexual and Needing to Cut My Hair and Kiss a Woman. I don’t want to do any of those things right now. I just want people to know that I am, in fact, bisexual. 

iii. Mental illness is real and annoying.  I am in therapy. Doing some good ole Thought Labeling, and Deep Breathing. I know I overthink, but lately I’ve been thinking: What is there if I’m not constantly overthinking? What the fuck do people do with their zen minds? Say I end up championing this shit, and become the master of my own mind instead of my thoughts just running the show - if I’m not thinking about the past, or ruminating on the future, What the fuck is there? I guess I’d just Do My Life, leading me to my next point:

iv. I’m kinda bored. And don’t know how to feel about it.  I just spend my days in a kind of under-stimulated chill. And my brain just wants to put up something to Fight, Something to Work For, Things to Do... but there’s no Fight left to be had. My brain screams at me to do things, however arbitrary, and I know eventually I’ll be focused on getting a job, but for now I’m just chilling. I go to my shifts, pay my bills, see some friends occasionally. I get that for all intents and purposes, I’m just doing my life, and that’s okay, but every now and again my brain goes YOU SHOULD BE ACCOMPLISHING BIG DEAL THINGS. But I stay bored on the basis of i. I’m being Kind to Myself, (harhar) and/or ii. I’m pretty darn afraid of going out into the world and trying to piece together enough contracts to make a living, iii. I can rationalize ANYTHING, and because of that ability, yknow, it’snotsobad. On the one hand I don’t like feeling like I’m not accomplishing things, on the other hand, accomplishing things feels like confronting a lot of Unknowns and Newness and Scary times, and heck yeah this point ties in super well with point no. 3. This is the loop I’m in.

v. Online dating thoooooooooooooooooo. Guess Imma give it Another Shot. It’s one of those confusing things that I hate, but still do, just so I can tell myself it’s not like I’m not trying. IDK tho. Fuck. Eventually, if I want to have a person who goes in races with me (and etc), I’m going to have to, like, Date.

[gaytoddanderson]

for the prompt, how about coffee shop anderperry? :00 ⭐️⭐️

i went ahead and made it a modern high school au, hope u don’t mindthis is… probably not what you had in mind but oh well

Todd opened the door and immediately wished he hadn’t.

He stood in the doorway of the local coffee shop he liked to frequent, his eyes wide as he took in the surroundings. The place was packed. Every table was full, his normally quiet hangout now crowded to the brim. People were chattering loudly everywhere he looked. His favorite squishy chair in the back corner was occupied by some college-aged couple making out unabashedly. Todd clutched his notebook tighter to his chest and searched for an explanation for the chaos. His eyes finally landed on a chalkboard by the service counter. Oh. He’d completely forgotten that today was the shop’s annual anniversary event, which meant free coffee all day. He usually stayed away on this day, but in his desire to get away from home, it’d slipped his mind entirely. Todd sighed. Jeffrey had dropped him off here on the way to campus for his summer courses, which meant that he wouldn’t be back to pick Todd up for at least another three hours. Unsure what to do, he tapped his fingers against his notebook, then finally spotted the only remaining free chair. It was at a small table for two by the window. The sole occupant of the table had his head down with his face smashed into the keyboard of his open laptop (every square inch of which was decorated with theater-themed stickers and decals) , somehow sleeping in the midst of all the ruckus. Todd figured he wouldn’t mind if he sat down. As Todd took his seat, he accidentally bumped the table with his elbow, jarring the stranger awake. The guy popped his head back up with a start, blinking indignantly and making an expression of such confusion that Todd would have laughed had the man not been a total stranger. Todd was now face to face with a boy about his age whose messy brown bangs flopped over his admittedly striking face. When he finally kept his eyes open long enough for Todd to see them, time stopped for just a second. The sunlight hit his brown eyes in a way that made them almost impossibly deep and beautiful and warm and welcoming and- “Hi,” the stranger’s bewildered greeting snapped Todd out of his daze. His tone was baffled yet friendly, soft and bright all at once. Todd stiffened and opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. “Hi. Sorry. I-I should go.” he finally managed. He stood up abruptly before realizing he had nowhere to go. Todd looked around like a deer in headlights. The stranger laughed awkwardly. “Hey, it’s alright. You can sit back down if you want, it’s not like there are any other spots.” Todd reluctantly obliged, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his plain white t-shirt. “I’m glad you woke me up, actually.” he continued, stretching his arms above his head and scrunching his face in a funny little way that made Todd’s heart start to beat a bit faster. His voice was as angelic as his appearance - a perfect match. It reminded him of fireplaces and blankets and comfort, like you could curl up inside it and be home. “I need to finish m- annnd I typed five pages of ‘h’s while I was asleep.” He chuckled and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards in a smile that embodied the gentle heat of an August morning. His face was as beautiful as the summer landscape outside, perhaps more. “I’m Neil, by the way.” Neil reached his hand across the table for a quick handshake that sent electricity racing through Todd’s veins. God, he was weak. “Todd,” he almost whispered, starstruck. “Todd,” Neil repeated in the same hushed tone. His voice held a trace of awe, like it was the most beautiful name in the world and not some boring single syllable that was used to refer to a million other people. He said it like it was poetry, like it was scripture. Todd never knew he could love the sound of his name so much. “It’s nice to meet you.” “Yeah,” Todd gave a quick nod. “What, uh, what are you working on?” “Oh!” Neil replied, pleasantly surprised Todd was taking an interest. “It’s an essay for an online summer course I’ve been taking. My father wants me to get ahead.” Neil smiled and adjusted a pin on his plaid button up, which was black, red, and white with short sleeves. Todd looked closer and saw that the pin was a tiny rainbow flag. His stomach did a funny little flip-flop.

“What’s it about?” Todd asked. “It’s, uh, LGBT history in America.” Neil replied.

Todd’s eyes flicked back to the pride pin. “Did you go to the pride parade last week?“

Neil shook his head. “I would have, but all my friends are out of town and I didn’t have anyone to go with.” “You’re not single.” Todd said in disbelief, not fully realizing what he had said until it was too late. He barely ever talked as it was, so it was alarming that something would just come flying out of his mouth like that. Something about Neil just made him want to talk. It was both exciting and terrifying. Neil chuckled. “I am.” His face flushed slightly. “My father… he likes to make sure I’m focused on what’s important.” His smile dropped and he lowered his gaze back to the computer screen. Todd heard pecking at the keyboard as he tapped his fingers anxiously against the table.

“I wish I was that brave.” Todd blurted suddenly. Neil paused and looked up at him. He’d already said too much, but his mouth just kept going. “I-” he let out a breathy laugh. “I-I’m not even out yet.” Todd had no idea what possessed him to pour this all out to some beautiful stranger he’d met two minutes ago. He hated himself for it. “My parents, they, I- they’re already barely tolerating that I’m not their daughter anymore…” He couldn’t even make eye contact with Neil. “I don’t know what they’d say if I told them I-I’m not interested in… in dating girls.” Neil stared at him. The silence seemed the stretch on forever before he spoke again. Neil closed his laptop and leaned across the table a little. He took a deep breath, looked right into Todd’s eyes, and spoke. “Want to go somewhere and get dinner?”

[1023080197-blog]

OUAT/CE Convention Guidelines/Tips/Advice

Hi, everyone! So, a lot of convention newbies have been asking me for tips, and advice surrounding conventions mostly focused on OUAT cons/Creation Entertainment hosted ones lately and I decided to make an entire post about it to save me time and to help other people who don’t ask or are too shy to! Basically, a Dummies Guide to Conventions. If you have any further questions, please reach out to me! I would love to help you have a better experience! I'm going to go over a couple of different things here, as detailed and thorough as possible, just based on my experiences. I also shared my personal packing list. I hope you find some of this useful/helpful, and if not, I hope I’ve managed to make you smile or even giggle at some points!

1. Scheduling and Preparation:

Firstly, I always compare conventions to concerts. If you've ever been to a concert and/or a meet-n-greet or signing, I like to think cons work similar to that. Mostly because I went to my first convention with no idea of how things worked, and because I've been to so many concerts/signings/m&gs, I was fine. I looked at conventions as if the panels are the concerts and the photo ops and autographs are the m&gs.

You should be following the schedule. Creation usually releases the schedule the Wednesday before the convention, so you'll have several days to figure out what all you're doing. I always, always go over it and plan out what I'm going to do, how much time I'll have in between events and sometimes, if events are overlapping, you have to pick and choose, do one thing one day and another thing on a different day. If you're attending for just one day, sometimes you might just have to go about what you want to do more, find a way to make it all happen without stretching yourself too thin or ask a volunteer or official Creation employee for help. I always create my own schedule at home and make a list and follow it.

2. Be on Time, Be Prepared:

For panels, photo ops and autographs, any event taking place, I always recommend getting there five minutes before hand. I can't tell you how many photo ops I've almost missed out on because I saw the photo op was running until a certain time and decided I'd show up in the middle of it. It does not matter what time it is scheduled to start and end. Sometimes it starts as soon as the celebrity is ready and if there is a line, meaning a matter of a few minutes, it can end earlier in advance, and sometimes it takes forever and goes over time. If you miss it, you miss it, and there's nothing that can be done. I can say off hand, I have nearly missed Colin O’Donoghue’s duo with Chris Gauthier and Sean Maguire’s duo with Rebecca Mader from not being fast enough or waiting until the last minute to get there.

If you have autographs and photo ops at the same time, I always recommend doing the photo op first. Autographs take more time, and you're less likely to miss out on those than what you are with the photo op. If you are unsure, ask a volunteer or Creation employee. If you have autographs that came a part of a package and autographs that didn't, sometimes you need to ask which person you should meet first, and they'll help you and tell you the best thing to do, and they will make sure you get to experience both.

If you are staying in a room at the hotel and need to grab something in between events, always ensure that you have at least fifteen minutes. You need to allow five minutes to get to your room, five minutes to grab what you need, drop stuff off or touch up on something, and five minutes back. If you are hanging out in your room because you have free time, always allow ten minutes to get to where you need to go. I recommend showing up at any of the events five minutes prior, as stated before, to either settle in your seat in the main panel room or to get in line and prepared for your photo-op/autograph. You also need to allow five minutes extra to walk and/or get onto an elevator to get where you need to go. Sometimes hotels and cons are busy, and everyone is trying to get somewhere at once, and you need to wait for a couple of minutes.

If you are carrying around props, autographs, or anything you don't need to have with you the entire day, take your spare time to drop it off in your hotel room or vehicle. I will always double-check my schedule and plan out how much time I'll have in between each activity. Sometimes you need to have certain props for photo ops, and you'll have two panels and three photo ops and one autograph session happening right after the other and won't have the time to run up to your room before that one event. Bring those with you, and when you have a break, take them back up to your room and exchange them with whatever you need for the next chunk of activities. You'd be surprised at how heavy even the smallest thing can feel after you've been carting it around for hours.

I always recommend attending the night before/early check in. That way, you can sleep in longer, you have what you need and won't have to worry about a thing during the actual convention days. I also recommend buying or swapping out any autographs or photo op tickets then and there, so you don't have to worry about it. Sometimes lines are very long the day of, and you just don't have enough time for it. It gets very stressful. If you see any merchandise, you like and really want to have, buy it. You never know if it'll still be available the next time you check. I especially recommend this for any extra photo-ops or autograph tickets, t-shirts, or autograph prints. Also, if there is something you need or want to get your hands on and there is no line, take advantage of that! Lines can go on forever, and you don't want to waste time standing in it then eventually having to leave because there's something else going on that you need/want to attend.

This is also good for exploring the area and learning the wear-abouts. I always use the night before check-in to locate the main convention/panel area, photo op rooms, autograph rooms (if any), VIP lounge if you have that, and M&G room if you have any of those. Know where you need to go and how long it will take you to get there. You cannot risk it. Normally, they will keep everything in one area.

3. Money

Save money! Save lots of it! Conventions are not cheap, especially if you want to have a fantastic experience and a busy schedule! It is possible to have a cheap experience, ex. if you’re only going for one person, but it is tough as hell. Extra money isn't a necessity, but a high recommendation. Bring a good amount of money with you, (cash is the better option just to avoid fees at ATMs). You would be surprised at how much you might grow to like an actor and how much you want to meet them after seeing their panel or them at the Friday Night Karaoke or Saturday Night Concert. Sometimes an actor is attending more than one day, you meet them the first day, and you just have to meet them the other. This happens to me a lot. Make a list of all the possible actors you might want to meet, on what days, and an estimate of the amount of money you'd be spending on them all. This has also helped me greatly.

Make sure you always have your ID with you! Especially if you won an auction, such as a private M&G or VIP. Also if you want to buy admission, extra photo ops or autographs!

Online fees really suck, but you know what sucks more? Missing out on an autograph or photo op with your hero, Lana Parrilla, Colin O’Donoghue, and the once-in-a-lifetime Captain Swan or Outlaw Queen duo because it sold out beforehand. If there is an actor you are just dying to meet, it is better to be safe than sorry. I recommend buying any additional tickets for the ones you want to meet the most, especially if they play a major character/have a huge fanbase/following. For example, Colin O'Donoghue, Lana Parrilla, Jennifer Morrison, Emilie de Ravin, Jared Gilmore and Rebecca Mader. Anyone falling along the lines of Beverley Elliott, Lee Arenberg, Michael Coleman, Gil McKinney, Raphael Sbarge or anyone who portrays a more-minor character or B/C-list, you should be fine holding off until the convention. When a photo op or autograph is listed as sold out, they aren't very likely to add any more.

4. Taking Care of Yourself/Health

Conventions run all day, and there is almost never a break in between activities. Make sure you force yourself to eat and drink. Eat a lot at breakfast and at dinner, because the days and nights are so jam packed, you are never bored, and you most likely won't have any time for lunch or a late night snack before bed. If you're starving because you didn't eat or weren't hungry, it won't be fun because it might be awhile until you'd have the time to eat something filling.

I say this because one time I came close enough to passing out at a Taylor Swift concert because I didn't eat a thing and it scarred me. I don't want to have a repeat of that, and no one should come to the point of losing their sight and half of their hearing because they are depriving themselves of food and water. Especially at a convention.

I understand the nervous butterflies of meeting your favorite actor and your excitement for the day, but the risk just is not worth it! You do not want to pass out before you get the chance to hug Colin O'Donoghue and find out why Michael Coleman calls him Captain Sexy Irish Eyes! Even if you don't want to eat or aren't hungry, try to get something in your system. If you can, bring snacks and a drink with you to have throughout the day, they allow them, and they always have complimentary water on hand.

Please try to get as much sleep as possible. I know better than anyone that the OUAT conventions can run from nine am to midnight and it'll be a bit before you get settled into bed and have to get up at five am the next morning.

Remember to shower every day. You have no idea what kind of germs are on you and need to be scrubbed off. Not to mention, you are around strangers and actors, and the last thing I'm sure any actor or stranger wants is for you to touch them when you haven't showered in days. You would feel the same exact way towards them. 

And lets be real, you want nothing more than for Colin O’Donoghue to think your hair is shinier than the look in King Arthur’s eye whenever he touches Excalibur. Not to mention, you want him to think that you smell like the fresh scent of a springtime meadow just after the flowers have bloomed. Hygiene is very important!

Remember to brush your teeth and to check them after you eat! The last thing you want Lana Parrilla to smell is bad breath or that tuna sandwich you had for lunch. You don't want Jennifer Morrison to see kale stuck in your teeth, either! Gum and breath mints are your friend!

5. Staying at the Hotel

This is something I highly recommend, no matter where you live. It is so helpful to be able to have a room right there in the same building or a place you can go to touch up on your hair and make-up, drop things off, pick things up, quick changing, and taking a quick bite of food or a drink. I understand how expensive these hotels are, they are pricey and five star fancy and that's because no one would host a convention inside of a lower-graded hotel.

I always recommend using the Creation discount and booking the room right off the bat. You can get a room for lower than 150 a night, versus normal asking price, which could be several hundred. Either that or I'll go through Hotels.com which will be around the same price or a few dollars more and I might even get a free night! It is not a necessity, but it sure is helpful!

This could go into the packing section, as well, but I'm going to say it here. I recommend bringing a couple of different outfits with you, between tank-tops, short sleeved shirts, long-sleeved shirts, sweaters, pants, skirts, and shorts. Just make sure you have a variety of options. Sometimes it gets super hot at conventions. For example, I cosplayed Emma Swan at OUATNJ last year, and I was sweating to death in my leather jacket and my boots and had to change because I was uncomfortable and I did not want to hug any actors while drenched in my sweat. Sometimes you're cold. When I attended Denver, they had it so cold inside of the hotel; I was shivering and shaking throughout the entire day, and eventually had to run and grab my sweater for autographs because I couldn't even stand it anymore.

Sometimes you just need more choices because you decide last minute that you want to wear something else and you don't want to wear what you originally planned on anymore. Sometimes you want to cosplay, then you get to the con and just aren't into it, or you decide last minute that you do want to. You just might want to wear a couple of different things as well and have quick changes for individual photo ops. You don't have to go excessive with extra clothes, but I did have at least two outfit backups, and I ended up going with different than originally planned at both OUATNJ and OUATDEN.

Make sure your suitcase isn't super full because you might want to buy something! Either that or it is possible to win a free merchandise certificate. I won a $200.00 certificate at Denver and brought home ten shirts!

6. Panels

Basically how the panels work, is you'll find your seat or find something available in the General Admission area, I do recommend showing up an extra five minutes early to find a seat in that case.

If you have any questions, you are more than welcome to go up to the microphone on either side of the stage and/or get in line and ask them. People usually only ask one question and I, along with everyone else, ask that you try to keep it that way, so everyone gets a chance to ask their question. If you have any more questions, you can get back in line or ask the actor during a signing, M&G or photo op. Con attendees, volunteers, employees and actors also prefer that you refrain from just complimenting the actor or sharing a personal story. Please save that for a semi-private moment between you and the actor. Ask them a question!

You do not have to stay for any panels you don't want to. It is usually a full house for super popular actors like Colin, Jennifer, and Lana. Also Rebecca and Emilie. People will sometimes line up for questions before their panels even start! 

I personally hate walking out as a panel is starting because of disliking a certain fandom, actor, character or leaving in the middle of one to get to another event. I’ll always pick and choose and leave immediately after the one to avoid being a distraction or just not go. I just feel as though I’m drawing attention to myself by getting up in the middle of the room and walking out or being disrespectful and I feel very self-consious. I also feel terrible if I have to block someone’s view or disturb them by trying to get past. However, I don’t mind arriving a little late to a panel. This is a personal choice/preference and opinion, it is not something you have to do.

7. Photo Ops

First thing is first, as soon as you come into the room, they will ask you to place your bags or anything extra you have onto one of their tables. Sometimes you might need to hold off until there is an empty space, depending on how many people are allowed in the room and how much stuff they have with them. They will ask you to put away your phone or sometimes they will allow you to keep it in your pocket, as long as you don't touch it. If you have a badge or anything, I recommend taking it off for the photo.

As far as photo ops, those goes by really fast. You have enough time to ask or explain a pose to whoever or say something fast like, "Hey, I love you," or this and that. If you take too long, they'll step in and ask you to speed it up, and that can be kind of embarrassing, especially if the celebrity is telling you to, which doesn't happen very often. If you want a conversation, your best bet is getting their autograph. However, if you get a photo op with a minor actor, they'll give you more time to talk or do whatever with them, depending on how many tickets are sold and how long their photo op is scheduled to last.

However, sometimes, if the actor talks to you, whoever is running the photo op won't say anything to them and rush you. I talked to Beverley Elliott, Lee Arenberg, Karen David and Raphael Sbarge for a minute or two at their photo ops before!

If you are talking to an actor and they're genuinely listening or talking to you, the volunteers/employees won't rush you, but they might step in if you two are taking too long. Just focus on the actor. If anyone gets mean, it's likely the actor will give them a look or tell them off.

From my own personal experience and stories I heard, I know Colin O'Donoghue, and Sean Maguire will hug just about every single fan they meet. They will talk with them, and they don't give a damn about what anyone says to them about it, even if the staff are pissed at them. Especially if that fan is physically upset over meeting them.

If you are nervous, I think it really helps to stare at the celebrity and grow used to their presence, if you refuse to, when you finally go up to them, it can get a bit rocky/messy/emotional versus run smoothly. Go over what you want to say to them or your pose idea several times in your head as you wait and watch them interact with others.

Learn how they act with other fans and study their body language and movements. Are they more reserved and collected, do they seem a bit particular when it comes to PDA, (but still kind, nonetheless), like Emilie de Ravin and Jennifer Morrison? Are they quiet and shy and blushing a lot, yet kind and willing, like Colin O'Donoghue? Are they loud and rambunctious and talkative and willing to do absolutely anything with fans, like Rebecca Mader and Lana Parrilla?

Another thing to remember is, even if they say no poses, just ask the celebrity anyway and don't listen to the volunteers or staff unless they give a legitimate excuse. For example, Emilie de Ravin, Robbie Kay, and Jennifer Morrison aren't big on poses and/or PDA or are just very shy. Some just don't like to do them and that’s okay! They should never feel pressured or as though they have to give up their comfort for your satisfaction. If this is the reason, sometimes it's best to just listen to the staff, or you can go out on a limb and ask anyway. I've come to find, usually, the actors will say yes. They are actors, they are fantastic about snapping into character, and some of them just love poses and prefer to do them! The way I see it, you are paying good money for this photo, you deserve to have exactly what you want, and you should do something fun besides just standing there, unless it’s what you prefer.

For example, Robbie Kay said no poses but was fine with hugging, Emilie de Ravin said the same thing, but she was fine with hugging above the waist. I also have an experience where I was told no poses and asked Emilie to dangle the Rumbelle teacup as if she was going to drop it. Someone came up and said no poses, Emilie gave them a defiant look, then smiled at me and did it anyway. For another example, I wasn't sure whether or not Greg Germann and Rebecca Mader would wear my Disney Mouse ears, but I asked, and they did anyway!

Keep in mind there is a possibility of them turning you down; however, they won't be mean to you. For example, Greg Germann said to my mom and I that he would not be comfortable with making finger guns, but he was very kind about it and suggested something different. They love their fans, and they're here to meet you and accommodate you, especially because you paid money to have this special moment with them. The last thing they want to do is disappoint you or hurt you, but you need to meet them in the middle as well.

Keep in mind that just because you are paying money and they are famous, does not mean that is a free pass to do whatever you want or touch them without permission. Always ask before you hug them, or touch them in any way. You might know them and/or their career well but you are a stranger to that actor, and it won't be any different to them than if a stranger came up to you on the street and just grabbed you. Be considerate, be respectful. You need to think of them as much as yourself. Do not ask for any kisses or for them to pick you up or the other way around, unless the actor suggests it themselves, of course. Someone could get sick or hurt.

With that said, if you have a complex pose idea that you might find trouble in explaining or you might get too warped up in your nervousness and excitement of seeing that actor, do print out a picture and bring it. They're trained professionals, they'll know what to do and will snap right into it. The convention does ask that it's nothing that could make a mess or that involves getting on the floor, due to time limits, and those wishes should be respected. Do not bring your phone in with the hopes of showing the celebrity that way. I've witnessed one person try to do that for a photo op and they said no, but they let them explain their pose idea to the actor rather thoroughly to make up for it.

As far as duo photo ops go, those go by quickly, faster than solo photo ops, which might be hard to believe. It's just so hard to greet two actors at once and sometimes you only have time to explain a pose or pop right in between the two or more. It takes more time to interact with two or more actors than what it does with one, especially if more than one fan is coming into the photo. However, there is a plus. If that actor is friends with the other, their presence might be calming to the other, and that one actor might be more opt for something fun and out of their comfort zone!

The most important thing you have to remember, whether you're shy, nervous or scared, that celebrities are just people like you and they're probably as nervous as you are! Colin O’Donoghue is fifty times as nervous to meet you than what you are with him. Trust me. I’ve heard him stress this many times to myself and to others. With that being said, anything you want to say to them or tell them, just do it, because they will listen and you will regret it if you don't. If you leave an impact, they are more likely to warm up to you throughout the convention or remember you! This is always a goal of mine, while staying genuine.

8. Autographs

When it comes to autographs, they almost always happen in the auditorium and at the end of the day. The one autograph session I attended that did not happen at the end was Colin O'Donoghue's, but that is only because he had a plane he had to catch earlier than usual, so his schedule was different than everyone else’s. Anyway, they will call you by row or by ticket number for you to get your autograph. It will be a much longer waiting process than a photo op. However, this is a good thing. It means the cast is taking their time with their fans. You should never take a long wait for granted because you will get the same treatment and it is SO worth it. 

If there is any cast member you really like, I would highly recommend getting their autograph because it gives you the time to talk to them and have a decent conversation. My autograph experiences are always better than my photo op ones. I prefer to get autographs for my favorites solely because I can talk to them. However, the only downfall is that you can't get or take any pictures at autographs. So when you get both, you have the best of both worlds.

If you're getting an autograph with someone you didn't get a picture with, usually in the case of complimentary, I recommend printing out a picture of them at home with photo paper. It might save you money because they'll charge $6 for prints at the convention, on top of the autograph price. Those will sell out fast, so it won't be fun if you decide last minute to get an autograph. You have to have something for them to sign on hand or you have to buy something, nothing is given to you.

I also recommend having a backup of something for an actor to sign just in the case of the photo op not being printed out on time/missing the photo op. If you got a photo op with them and you think it turned out so bad you would be embarrassed if they saw it, the backups will come in handy, that has happened to me on several occasions.

I think this covers the majority of questions I have been asked over the years. I also recommend googling things to pack and things to expect at cons or little con hacks. Look at several sources and articles; everyone has their own original and very handy piece of advice to offer. Do research! Remember above all to be kind and courteous to everyone. Do not rag on any actors or fans publically where anyone can hear you, especially a fan or actor attending that very convention. Do not put an actor in a horrible or awkward position or ask them anything too personal or considerably redundant or offensive. The most important rule is to treat everyone as you want to be treated, stay in your lane (mind your business), and you will have a wonderful time!

Bonus: 9. My Personal Packing List for OUATDEN

I hope this will be of some use to anyone or might give some good ideas!

Important 

Plane Tickets

Convention Tickets

Money (Food / Spending / Transit / Hotel Deposit)

Photo ID

Credit Card

Phone 

Phone Charger

Travel Chargers and Charger Charging Accessories

Laptop

Laptop Charger

iPad

iPad charger

Headphones

Purse / Backpack / Carrying Bag / Satchel

First Aid/Health

Vitamins 

Advil 

Kleenex / Tissues (you will most likely cry)

Feminine Supplies (Mooncup/Pads/Tampons)

Eyewear

Glasses

Glasses Case

Eye Drops

Contacts

Contact Case

Contact Cleaning Solution

Sunglasses

Clothes

Long-Sleeve/ Short-Sleeve Shirts

Pants / Shorts / Skirts

Hoodie/Sweater

A Few Pairs of Pajamas

One Pair of Lingerie for Each Day + Three Additional Pairs

One Pair of Socks for Each Day + Three Additional Pairs

Tights

Two Belts

Shoes

Jewelry

Lint Roller

Bag for Dirty Clothes

(Side note, always pick out your outfits and try them on before traveling to make sure you like them! From the undergarments all the way to the jewelry/belt.)

Hygiene

Toothbrush

Toothpaste

Bodywash

Shampoo

Conditioner

Perfume

Face Wash

Gum/Breathmints

Deodorant 

Razor + Replacement Blades

Makeup & Hair (etc)

Makeup (insert thorough/product list here)

Makeup Remover

Mirrors

Makeup Brushes

Hair Brush / Comb

Nail Clippers

Tweezers

Hair Curler 

Straightener

Hairspray

Nail Polish + Remover

Cotton Balls 

Cotton Swabs

Bobby Pins / Hair Pins / Hair Clips

Tape

False Eyelashes + Glue

Other

Photo Book to Keep Photo Ops and Dried Autographs Safe

Books for Plane

Fun Lanyards of Your Favorite Characters and Show Props (To replace that plain black one they give you!)

Photo-Op Props (ex. Captain Hook's hook, Beer glasses, Henry's book)

Items You Want Autographed. (ex. Hook, Regina, Belle and Zelena funko pops, photo ops from your last convention, OUAT poster, Autograph book)

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

Skam fics that I like

There are so many good fics in this fandom, I am overwhelmed. That`s why I want to make this list over fics that I like.  I know that many has done this before me, but I just need this overview. This list is not complete, I have guaranteed forgot some fics I have read and liked. But if you find some you haven`t checked out, take a look! Enjoy.

Edit: It was late when I posted this, and I forgot some things and some links... I`ve tried to fix it!

ONESHOTS

Når Du Smiler by XioNin

“Wrote this quick one-shot in celebration of our lovely lads winning the E Online poll”. 

Sideways and Slantways by iriswests

Isak gets stuck in an elevator with the one person he's vowed never to speak to again. This eventually prompts a conversation long overdue, but not without the memories flooding his brain like a broken dam first.

come alive in the fall time by withoutwords

If I could just pull myself in two, he thought, if I could just put you inside.  He doesn’t think that’s the stuff Isak’s ready to hear.

you're beside me, breathing (so loud) by strangetowns

There is something about the summer, warm and bright and slow as it is, that makes Isak want to spread himself out, to close his eyes and let time wash over him like the tide.

hey little firecracker, baby, tell me where you've been by gravinnen

Isak's been so focused on Even's birthday, he's kind of forgotten Valentine's Day is a thing that exists.

Sincerely Yours by Joana789

Sometimes, Even’s mind feels like a mess, and it seems like no one in the world can sort it out, especially not Even himself. But there are no rules, with Isak.

yellow curtains by daggertattoos

The first thing Isak notices when he wakes up are the curtains. They're yellow.  Or the one where isak wakes up in a parallel universe where the curtains are yellow and everything is good in the world.

There's a light burning bright

Isak's eyes holds all of the secret to the universe, Even thinks. Always open and trusting Even to never let him down. So he tries not to. Because letting Isak down is like letting the earth shatter around him.

The Moments In Between by allyasavedtheday

It could be minutes or hours later when they finally let go of each other, though they don’t move very far. Isak slips his hand into Even’s and presses their foreheads together once again. ... A look at the moments between O Helga Natt and Passe på meg.

A Soundtrack to a Life by rumpelsnorcack

Films, Even thought, were easy. They did what you told them, and if you didn’t like something you could tweak it. Change it. Control it. The one thing Even didn’t pay much attention to, though, was the soundtrack. It never seemed important, not having had much of an impact on the movies he’d started avidly watching. But that all changed the day he watched Romeo + Juliet for the first time.

   Quidditch and liquorice wand kisses by Bellakitse

The first time Isak Valtersen meets Even Bech Næsheim the seven-year Ravenclaw chaser, it’s because the boy saves him from a bludger to the face.

A Hogwarts AU

FINISHED WORKS

Making shades of purple by rumpelsnorcack

His whole life, Isak had known his soulmark was different to those around him. Well, that was a lie; it hadn’t been his whole life. But it had definitely been something he was aware of for as long as he was aware that soulmarks and soulmates existed.

Untold scenes of Isak and his Even by imissedyourskin

This fic is a collection of untold scenes that were hinted at, but never got turned into an actual scene.

Get Rid of Her by cuteandtwisted

Even still transfers to Nissen in his third year, but Isak and Even get introduced through their parents. FriendsToLovers AU in which Isak calls Even 'bro' a couple of times and is forced to watch old-ish movies with him in hipster movie theaters.

I'm Not in Love by cuteandtwisted

Even never transferred to Nissen in his third year, so they meet in college instead. Uni AU in which Isak doesn’t believe in love but Even Bech Næsheim won’t stop kissing him

  That's Not My Name by cuteandtwisted

Isak is an exchange student in new york city where he meets a very forward and bewitching Even. Or: The one-night stand AU some of you asked for.

I`m not a baby, by Cuteandtwisted

Isak and Even are childhood friends. OR, the ChildhoodFriends!AU some of you asked for.

Scene Three, Take Two by folerdetdufoler

Isak is 23, a student in the veterinary program at NMBU, and working an internship at a clinic in Kongsvinger. He hasn't seen Even in three years, but randomly bumps into him on the street when he's visiting his mom in Oslo. 

Wrong number by IsakEven

Isak wants to text Jonas but he accidentally texts Even.

would it be a sin if i can't help falling in love with you? by cosetties

“I mean, I already have a thing with – “ Isak waves his hand in the air. Conjuring up a girl should be way easier than this. Magnus had a girlfriend at Bakka for three months, and Isak doubts that she ever existed. All Isak has to do is make up a name, but his mouth dries up. He clears his throat. “A thing with – “. “Even,” the guy says, extending his hand for Emma to shake. (Or, the fake relationship AU.)

You say good morning when it's midnight by Aceteroid

It sucks, when your best friend is on a student exchange at the other end of the world for three months. It sucks even more, when you fall in love with the step-brother of his exchange student.

possibly (maybe) i’m falling for you by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug, safficwriter

Even tries to get Isak to smile with coffee. Every time he buys Isak coffee, he becomes more determined to find the perfect drink (and falls in love along the way).

snow and dirty rain by grinsekaetzchen

Even leans back in his chair. “You know, not everyone joins a book club because they’re blackmailed into it.” [Or: In which Vilde starts a book club because someone else already started kosegruppa, Even is a book nerd, who recites poetry, and Isak struggles to see the point of reading boring books when he could just watch the film versions; except, that he meets Even, so maybe book club isn't that much of a waste of time as he's previously thought.]

UNFINISHED WORKS 

Moments by XioNin

Random moments between Isak and Even, as well as Isak and Even interacting with their friends. 

  A Transference of Feeling by rumpelsnorcack

Isak hated that he was being forced to do this. He hated leaving Nissen because of his stupid parents’ stupid fights and stupid rules. Isak didn’t understand why he had to move just because they couldn’t get their shit together anymore; this felt like more punishment on top of having been left alone with his mother and all her weird moods and difficult behaviours. Aka, the au where Isak transferred schools rather than Even.

 it comes in waves by moonlitbird

Isak doesn't know how he ended up in Galalogfjord. Even knows exactly how he ended up in the tiny fishing town. In the end, it doesn't really matter either way. In a town that no one can place on a map, and in waters full of magic and creatures mostly forgotten, a boy and a mermaid meet.

Life is now. (and now, and now) by FlyByNightGirl

In which the clips for season 3 update, because there is so much more of Isak and Even's relationship we haven't seen, so. 

  WAKE UP! by cuteandtwisted

Even has no idea who Isak is but he still loves him aka EvenDreams!AU. 

 in better light, everything changes by TimeInABottle

"I just checked the revue website and blackmailing people for smoking weed wasn’t listed under the Kosegruppa description". Isak accidentally texts a stranger (Even) while trying to text Sana.

Lost Boys (Not Ready To Be Found) by kittpurrson

Even is a disillusioned media studies student who wishes he hadn't screwed up his film school applications. Isak is a prickly bioscience student who figured leaving his mother's house for UiO would magically fix all of his problems. AKA a college AU, wherein Isak and Even meet later than they were destined to. 

 with love, from anonymous by cosetties, iriswests

Isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, Even has a crush, and there's a secret admirer on the loose.

.

love and condoms by kassie

Isak was about turn on his heels and say “Fuck it” and go home, when a tall, slender-looking boy approached him from down the aisle. Shit. ... Or: Isak owes Eskild a favor and Eskild sends him out to buy condoms where he runs into a tall boy who is a little too eager to help him.

[xsapphirestar]

MM fandom reminds me of MS fandom

Hahaha

MS used to be really popular 

like 10-12 years ago + 

until big bang patch , there were huge changes . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2010 ; 

i was quite new to MS at that point of time.

i was really a newbie, noobie and naive . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2008 , 

it was when i first discovered ‘bannedstory’ a free program for maple sprites. (kind of like mmd. free program but drawn models lolz) . 

so i played around with the program ; 

my first YT channel , where i uploaded almost everything i did with bannedstory and some other program i forgot . I used to be really desperate for subscribers too. not anymore. IDGAF ABOUT THE NUMBERS ANYMORE LOLZ. itz just numbers. 

i watched other users’ ms videos , i also discovered a paid program ‘ sony vegas‘ but since i couldnt afford it ( i was really young and naive ) //i’m still am// ^^;; //illegal// 

i played around with sony vegas, AND HOLY SHIT. sony vegas is such a COOL PROGRAM WITH ALL THE AMAZING EFFECTS & TRANSITIONS ! but it is a paid program . the full version is really expensive . 

in 2008 ~ 2009 

(dont rmb exactly when since it’s long ago) , i received many negative remarks , comments , criticisms . i was so affected by it that i deleted everything + my first youtube channel . i think it was my very first ? i upload almost everything i did with ms bannedstory there. i deleted that channel. i forgot the reason why i deleted it , since it is so long ago . but i dont think i regret it. a little part of me regretted it, cause i couldn’t see what my younger version of me did. :x 

i also deleted everything on my second channel until it is left with 2-3 videos.

im sorry for being such a noobie. sorry for being such a useless burden

yes idk why do i exist in this world . 

im such a trash . im useless . im a burden. i creep everyone out . nobody likes me . That happened like , 9-10 years ago , but i still remember those memories.

i guess im not meant to know people . im not meant to have friends . im meant to be alone . i dont deserve to know people . i dont deserve to have friends . im destined to be a loner4lyfe :’) 

sorry that i was born this way . 

even school made me thought this way … 

2011 ~ 2014 ; 

itz a traumatic experience for me . ; new ;

i meet new people , experience something new . i guess i was also going through a stage of puberty . 

towards the end of 2011 

My classmate abandoned me , she said she hate me . I began to overthink .why does she hate me ? am i a bad person ? did i do something wrong ? is it because of how i treat others ? how i treat my … friend ? i was mean ? i was being rude ? im useless ? im a burden ? how weird i am ? …  She was the first person who made the first move to talked to me in school . i guess i kind of like her , as a friend . she meant a lot to me . She is the first person who tried to be my friend during my school days , while the rest do not give a fuck and gave me ‘ i do not like you ‘ face , even their body language says it . i got kind of attached and used to her presence , because i’m not used to making the first move to talk to people , being around with people , hanging out with people in school . i’m kind of a loner . im kind of anti-social & sort of … shy . i have different personalities. i act differently in different situations. 

; 2012 ; 

When she said she hated me last year , she abandoned me . She started hanging out with my other classmate . And everytime she saw me  or when im close to her , she always make an excuse for me to stay away from her , and then gave me a blackface or that ‘ i do not like you ‘ look . hahaha

I guess there is a first for everything . I do not know how it feels having someone who did all these for me . itz a new experience for me . i feel lost ;; i do not know what this feeling was … 

i started playing an online game ‘ auditionsea ‘ in late 2010 , but got more focused & addicted in mid 2011 . 

I tried releasing my stress and emotional pain by playing auditionsea, because i do not know what i am feeling . I feel empty , hollow inside . i do not know what this feeling is. i feel … lost .It did not really work but it did pass the time . 

i also overthink a lot .  i kept thinking and thinking . i overthink so much that it fucked me up . i became more messed up . i tried acting not myself because acting myself will make me think more , and more emotional . im kind of a emotional person , to prevent me feeling even worse . i tried acting like a different person online… but it did not work and backfired . it still messes me up .i am so damn lost . i tried to become a different person irl , it is the same result .it backfired , did not work , making me even worse . i guess being true to yourself is the best ? … “ be yourself “ . everyone is different and unique . but i tried doing all that because of overthinking . i overthink , i think a lot . F m l . 

In this year 2012 , maplesea released a new class , ‘ phantom ‘ . I saw his cinematic trailer and animation . holy shit . He is such a cool class, and he steal skills ! I stopped playing MS temporarily because that game gets boring after awhile when you completed what you want to do . I have to admit, Phantom made me install back MS and i got addicted to ms again . I really like MS storyline and lore . His individual storyline is kind of good , itz like watching an anime but you have to play the game to read the story lolz . The art is quite good , I LIKED IT !! but i took fucking 3-4 years to reach level 200, cause i stopped playing temporarily at LV 150-170 + . i do not know where to train , lost motivation and my damage is really NOOB . PLUS I AM POOR AS FUCK and NOOB AS FUCK . After phantom class , they began to release more and more class and i kind of neglected the old class which i haven’t get to 200 yet. lolz.

I guess I am meant to be alone , i do not deserve to have friends . i sorry for being such a weird person okay . i am sorry for being born this way . idk why do i exist in this world , idk why am i born with this personality . idk why am i so useless . idk why am i such a burden . why am i so useless …i’m really useless. i am meant to be a loner i guess .

i guess that is why i became more anti-social . 

In mid 2012 - late 2012

In one of my school classes , i saw my friend crying . My other classmate saw it too , and he asked her why . She said her friend // my other classmate abandon her. She left her for another friend. I feel kind of bad. i thought i could finally feel good about it , seeing that she is finally feeling what i am feeling. But i just feel… bad.  I am meant to be alone , so that means im used to being alone … I’m used to feeling lonely, but i am not used to feeling empty, hollow inside. Hahaha. fml it feels like a part of me has been ripped out and it hurts so fucking bad . 

; In 2013 ;

In the beginning of the year , january , my school class has new sitting arrangement for everyone . I was chosen/paired with the same classmate . Idk, she acted like nothing has happened , like she had forgotten the hatred she has for me , and started talking to me again . Friends again ? i was confused . but it was only temporary . i guess all good things do come to an end . 

; 2014 ; 

everything’s gone once again . i became alone once again ~ i came to a conclusion that i am meant to be alone , nobody likes me , i creep everyone out . my classmate became really close to my other friend classmate . They both are close before , but closer this year … Hahaha . i felt like i’m a replacement . spare tyre . 

; 2015 ; 

I changed to a new phone on 12 January 2015 . That means my contacts are gone . I had to restart everything . Games , dl apps from playstore , new accounts , and other stuffz . 

; 2016 ; 

… i don’t know …. i feel so messed up !! LOST ;; LIFE GOES ON . NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS , LIFE GOES ON ANYWAYZ .HAHAHA FML . I had my very first IA / intern experience . :’) it was a challenging and new experience for me for 2 months lolz . That was also the period of time where i tried out MM ^^;; . i was curious so i tried out . Never knew i will love this game so much lolz . FUCK MY LIFE LOLZ.  i intend to tried the game out for awhile , like play the beginning intro , then uninstall . MM made me confused , especially the convo with unknown where he send the address to the player lolz . i intend to uninstall after i played the introduction / prologue , but ZEN made me think otherwise . ZEN is really welcoming and SWEET OMFG ~ he reminds me of phantom from MS . Because of him , i decide to play the game longer , and i got even more confused but i still play CUZ OF ZEN !! FML AND THE LONGER I PLAY , THE MORE I UNDERSTAND AND THE MORE I RELATE TO THE CHARACTERS AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME OMG LOLZ FML . I don’t even know how , itz just sort of naturally happened !!! FUCK ZEN :’( LOLZ JK. 

i guess i fell into a deep wishing well , unable to escape. a.k.a mm hell . 

…..

hahaha . 

i became more afraid . my fear increased . i developed a fear of talking/interacting with people . i  am afraid of making friends. im afraid of  making bad impressions . im afraid of opening up to people . im afraid of knowing people . im afraid the same shit will happen and i will go through it again

its not that i do not want to learn new things . 

(who doesn’t want to learn new things? it means you get to experience it and that means knowing more things. you’ll be more knowledgeable about the things you enjoy i guess)

 itz not that i do not want to learn . itz not that im being stubborn (i kinda am) . im just afraid 

afraid of making mistakes

i feel so useless . i feel so stupid . why do i exist in this world

maybe one day , when i am walking down the streets , some psychopath will stab me or a car will knock me down LOLZ . i doubt anyone will miss me . not my family . what friends ? what is friends . what is a human being ? my family will be so glad to see me dead if that ever gonna happen . im such a burden anyways . im useless .

mean people exists because to balance the good and bad in life .

but why do i feel that more mean people exist than genuinely nice people ? 

[podcastcoach]

Emergency Podcasting For Teachers

The Corona Virus Closed My School and I Need a Podcast NOW

Across the US (and the world) schools are closed to try to reduce the number of people spreading the Carona Virus. This makes it very hard for teachers who still need to deliver lesson plans. With this in mind, I've made a video that shows you how to turn your lesson plans into a podcast. It's free, and the strategy uses free tools. 

Sponsor: Focusrite

Focusrite is giving away a $2300 studio makeover. This includes the Scarlett 18i8, a Heil PR40, headphones, Hindenburg software, a deep discount on Squadcast, consulting and more (I wish I could enter). To enter the contest go to  http://bit.ly/PSM_Dave-Jackson

Free Video Set Up Your Podcast in 20 Minutes

Click HERE to get access to video

Wait, am I giving away the School of Podcasting stuff? No. Starting a podcast is easy. Starting a GOOD podcast is not. There is no "define your audience," and "define or why" or "check your band alignment" here, this is simply putting content (that may or may not sound great) on the internet for people to listen.

Tips for Working From Home

Avoid working in a room with a television.

I've got tips on staying focused in a previous episode.

In some cases, close the door to "block out" the rest of your home (to avoid distractions).

What Does The Caronoavirus Mean For Podcasting?

In some cases, your audience may be bored. They may find themselves with "Free time."

I believe in one of Michael Hyatt's books he says when situations like this arise look around and say "what does this enable me to do that I normally don't do."

Spend more time with your spouse and children.

Read a book (or listen to a podcast)

Clean your house (that's my plan this weekend)

See who can use the smallest amount of squares to wipe their butt.

Watch some cooking videos and cook from home. I made a dish last night called "Not Chipotle" that was chicken, rice, lettuce, cheese, and a bit of french salad dressing.

Create an online mastermind

Jump rope, push-ups, dust off the treadmill.

Watch Saturday Night Live (it's still on)

(or even better) Go to bed early.

Eat all those things in the fridge and freezer that you bought by accident (asparagus! what?). New food is exciting (and often freezer burnt).

There is a feature on your phone that if I understand this correctly you can "Call" (Whatever that is ) people and talk to them in real-time.

When I was married and things would go left of center, my wife and I would look at each other and say "Well, this is going to be a fun adventure..."

Remember where there is a shadow, there is a light. You'll be able to look back and say "I lived through that."

Because of My Podcast: Jim Harold has Met a TON of Childhood Heroes

Jim Harold has been on this show a few times. He is the man behind the Paranormal Podcast, and recently launch a podcast where he talks to other podcasters called "Podlords." In a recent episode he stated, "You know, I've done different podcasts over the years, some of them have, "caught on," and they are part of my business and I make money on them. There were other shows that haven't caught on as much, but we're just cool to do. Jim did a show called "The Great TV podcast" and it's still available. Jim loves classic  TV ( TV from the 60s and 70s).

Jim did the Great TV Podcast and he got to talk to Ed Asner who Mary Tyler Moore Show. He got to talk to Marianne from Gilligan's Island. He got to talk to the late Richard Hatch from Battlestar Galactica. Oher interviews were Donnie Most from happy days ( he played Ralph M). Judy Norton from the Waltons.

That is the power of podcasting as Jim put it, "If I had called up Ed as an agent and said, you know, I'd like to talk to Ed Asner for a half-hour about his career. I just think it would be cool. Well, that's not gonna happen. I've got a podcast. He has a new play coming out. Can I talk to him? I certainly know that is the opportunity. The people I've gotten to talk to who I would have never had a chance to get that alone aside from being my job has been a great reward. So, I mean, the opportunity, aside from money is tremendous."

Jim has been podcasting since 2005 and podcasts full time at www.jimharold.com and does the paranormal podcast as well as other paranormal related shows. He also has many books featuring true ghost stories on Amazon.com

Question of the Month

For March, “If you have a podcast, have you surveyed your audience? If so what did you learn?”If you haven't surveyed your audience, why not? "

Please (if you have one) mention the name of your show (be careful not to say it so fast I don't understand you) and your website (again, nice and clear). I need your answer by Match 27, 2020.

Go to www.schoolofpodcasting.com/question

Audio Technica 2100X vs Samson Q2u

Today I test the Audio Technica against a Samson Q2u, and AT2005 USB. I didn't hear much difference. Keep in mind, you can always tweak these with EQ (equalization) in post-production. Check out my Gear guide for more information.

New (Better) Affiliate Program For the School of Podcasting

If you have people asking about how to make a podcast, you can refer them to the School of Podcasting and get paid if they sign up. You also get paid for every month they stay signed up.

For more information go to www.schoolofpodcasting.com/affiliates

Mentioned In This Episode

Jim Harold

Happiness Lab

Free "Just Get Me Started" Emergency Podcast Video

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Step by step tutorials

Live group coaching (get your questions asked)

Private Facebook filled with other brilliant podcasting minds

Priority email support with private instructional videos (ask a question expect a video answer)

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Go to www.schoolofpodcasting.com/start

Check out this episode!