#i am code 6

[itsybitsybatsyspider]

When I think of all the times I said 'yes' for you And I walked into the wind 'cause I adored you Well, I wish for once to turn this game around Say, "I guess it's your turn to find me now." Will you meet me in Vienna? Oh, it won't wait forever

[shallowseeker]

I was thinking about Cas's little sarcastic dig in Family Matters here ("Of course. Your problems always come first.")

Sam, and especially Dean, don’t want to be treated like they’re being babysat by Cas, yet in the early days, they often hope Cas will be endlessly available, invincible, and strong.

(And it's complicated because... compared to them, Cas kinda IS!!!)

Cas, for his part, occupies a complicated space for them. While he is given room to be vulnerable at times, he’s also relied on to be everything at once: Dean's partner in times of trouble, someone who will "be there when Sam calls" and "tear the attic up for Sam," all while shouldering cosmic battles.

The irony is even deeper when Cas gets referred to as "a child" or "a baby in a trench coat"—yet his strength, sacrifice, and loyalty are counted on without question.

(Cas is often goaded into being stronger, of course, because Dean is scared and needs that strength from Cas more than Dean needs it from anyone else, even if Dean doesn't understand why that is. And even if Cas doesn't catch everything in those references, Cas can't help but FEEL that expectation.)

///

BY ANYWAY, BOBBY. In Weekend at Bobby's, Bobby is SOOooooo parent-coded in this episode in a way that kinda parallels Cas in s6.

It's an off-key parallel, but both Bobby and Cas are expected to be there. Bobby without "selfish" complaint, Cas without visible weakness.

Their struggles often go unnoticed unless voiced outright—something Bobby, in true crusty Bobby fashion, has no prob doing in Weekend at Bobby’s:

INT. BOBBY’S HOUSE – NIGHT BOBBY: I – I hear you, son. I – it just ain’t a good time. DEAN (over the phone): Yeah, okay. You know what – Forget it. I mean I'm baring my soul like a freaking girl here and, uh –And you've got stuff to do. So that is – that's fine. That's fine but, seriously, a little selfish. Not all about you. [Bobby gets angry and leans forward.]

///

Dean is going through a LOT, but it's funny how like a child he comes off here. He's spinning out, and he has "no one to talk to," and Bobby's his DAD!

Dean invokes his own emotions like "baring his soul," and is clearly taken aback when Bobby isn't immediately receptive. It shows how Dean expects Bobby to always be there, without question, no matter what Bobby might be dealing with.

That’s classic "invincible parent" territory: the idea that their needs are secondary, or even non-existent.

(Aside// This is sometimes a bit how Sam can treat Dean throughout the run of the series, and how both boys occasionally treat Cas in s6).

///

And then Bobby tears them a new one!!! :D Yay!!! It's a real family moment and I LOVE IT:

DEAN (putting Bobby on speaker after Bobby tells him to go get Sam): You're on speaker, Bobby. BOBBY: Sam. Dean. love you like my own. I do. But sometimes [Bobby pauses and takes a long drink.] Sometimes… You two are the whiniest, most self-absorbed sons of bitches I ever met! I'm selfish? Me? I do everything for you! Everything! You need some lores scrounged up – You need your asses pulled out of the fire –You need someone to bitch to about each other – [Sam looks at Dean, puzzled.] BOBBY (over the phone): You call me and I come through – Every damn time! And what do I get for it?Jack with a side of squat! DEAN: Bobby – BOBBY: Do I sound like I'm done? Now look. I know you've got issues. God knows I know. But I got a news flash for you. You ain't the center of the universe! Now, it may have slipped your mind …that Crowley owns my soul! And the meter is running! And I will be damned if I'm going to sit around –And – and be damned! So how about you two sack up and help me for once? Dean looks very humble and Sam calm. SAM: Bobby, all – all you got to do is ask. DEAN: Anything you need... we're there.

Hits like a tired, overlooked parent.

He reminds them he gets nothing in return from them, which is a HUGE call out to how invisible and thankless his role as caretaker has become.

Bobby’s "sack up and help me for once" is both a plea and a challenge, demanding they grow up and recognize that he, too, is vulnerable and needs support.

It's the parent figure finally voicing the toll of always being strong—for once, asking to be seen.

Dean especially is humbled here. He's been the caretaker for his family, so he gets it immediately.

How hard he was leaning on Bobby.

///

Aside/// This season, Dean's actual support group is small, maybe even consists of just Bobby and Cas. Dean is short on "Dean understanders" this season; that is, he's short on people who see his core experience as not merely a brother, but an actual *pseudo-parent. Dean is a parent of Sam Winchester: and Sam is a complicated, apocalyptic-torn person who's often saddled with shouldering waaaay too much cosmic responsibility...

...which in turn has Dean shouldering too much responsibility too!

So when it comes to Bobby and Cas, Dean puts what he can't take on them! His family!

///

But unlike Bobby, Cas doesn't ask for help.

Which... it's complicated. (And very human.)

For starters, thanks to his upbringing, Cas WANTS to be strong. He thrives and is comfortable being that. Second, there are definitely little ways Cas gets the not-so-coded message that it's bad to be weak, even if those weren't the messages Dean intended to send. (Dean is desperate for everyone to be okay, and he needs someone to want to shoulder the real, complete Dean, with all his duties and complications. And for some reason, subconsciously, Dean wants that someone... to be Cas.)

Regardless, lines like "Babies whine" and "Without your powers" dig a lot deeper than intended for Cas, because Dean didn't have the full scope of the angelic war or Cas's fears about Raphael. And even when Dean DID get glimpses of that, it didn't yield the full story.

///

For his part, Cas is keeping Sam and Dean at arm's length, trying to place them in a "these are my charges to protect" role.

Bu unlike with Bobby, who Dean firmly places in a parental role, something is trying to FUNDAMENTALLY shift between Cas and Dean.

They often find themselves eye-to-eye in the kitchen, making decisions together in a way that feels imho very spousal, creating a dynamic where Dean doesn’t quite know how to navigate this growing sense of wanting to be an equal partner with Cas.

So you get their weird push-pull power struggle between them, sniping and bitching, mirroring what happens in real-life couples early in the relationship when responsibilities are heavy and scary. It's this swirling mix of "Oh shit, I don't know what to do! And YOU don't know what to do! What do WE DO?!" And "You are such a baby / be careful you idiot / be stronger plz for the love of god"

But yeah.

So... Cas holds himself in the role of an ANGEL, remaining largely invisible throughout the season and trying his best to keep his struggles INVISIBLE too, including the war he's fighting on humanity's behalf. Cas prefers that. From a distance. Emotions are scary af; he even calls them CRIPPLING in Mommy Dearest.

(Aside///Call-forward to Mary’s: "I was trying to make things right. Just from a distance, because... being here with you was too hard. Seeing what I'd done to you and to Sam, I..." /// Mary was ashamed of her deal; And Cas was ashamed of his brothers, of angelicity itself, of what they KEEP doing to humanity.)

Anyway, Dean doesn’t quite know how to handle their strange bond, that longing, that closeness, especially as Cas insists on remaining emotionally and physically distant, trying to handle a war they can't even see.

//

As for Bobby and Cas...

While they have their moments of pushback (Bobby’s explosion in Weekend at Bobby’s, Cas’s barbed sarcasm in Family Matters), and it definitely reveals the strain they’re under...

...it often also works to underscore just how invisible their labor has become to the very people they love.

But while Dean begins to grow up enough to see and name Bobby's sacrifices, his understanding of Cas's struggle is murkier, tangled up in pride, love, and the deep, unspoken hope that Cas will always be strong enough for both of them. (Save-me-save-US-but-let-me-help-you.)

I think the thing I love about it all… is the dualistic (subconscious) desire for Cas to make everything okay versus the worry for Cas not to shoulder these burdens alone. It's SOOOOO! HNNNNNnNNnngg. It's very real.

///

EDIT DISCLAIMER: This wasn't exactly the point of this post (Bobby and Cas feeling misunderstood/underappreciated), but for completionist's sake:

Dean's grief is attenuated by the experience of being a "pseudo-parent," and definitely a caretaker in the context of "cosmic-inflicted illness," and that's a riptide that runs through season 6 in a big way. Dean needs the people he loves to SEE this aspect of his life in order to feel understood.

That's what 12x22 is all about. The thread from season 6 to season 12 is surprisingly thick! That's why this:

prefaces this: BEING SEEN

It's not a question of how fair or unfair it is, or if he "should be" or "shouldn't be" "a parent." It's about those very real efforts being seen and understood by those around him, including the grief and continued sense of responsibility this has wrought under worsening and frankly, incredibly unfair cosmic circumstances.

[bones-and-eyes]

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[syndrossi]

Introducing Project: Return of the Buffer:

Aka "I have the time anyway" + "NaNoWriMo is shutting down so I'll have to do my own tracking and charts."

For those who weren't around in the early days, this is how I wrote the first 120,000-ish words of Resonant! I created a project in NaNoWriMo and aimed for 1,000 words a day and basically hit that or better almost every day for several months. Roughly 60K words in was when I started posting (a "buffer" of 12 chapters).

My writing pace at the time meant that I could post 2x a week every week without running out of a buffer for quite a long time, since I was writing about 1.2 chapters a week. I eventually ran out of steam around ch18, and went to once per week posting. The burnout hit hard, and I eventually chewed through the buffer even at the once per week rate, and that's how we ended up with fairly random updates on a monthly-ish cadence.

But like I said, I've got time now, so I've set up a mini "sprint" of thirty days for 30K words. I'm planning to post at least the next chapter during that span, but I intend to hold onto the buffer in the hopes of maintaining it this time. (Life is so much easier with the buffer. I can hit a rough patch, plot-wise, and correct things / shift things / rewrite entire blocks.)

I also am someone who enjoys setting and hitting goals when I'm not in active burnout. The pressure can be useful, honestly. I did so much more [finish scene] [figure out what the gifts are] [research hawking] etc placeholders early on. It's easier to find the motivation to go back and fill in those placeholders when the rest of the chapter is done, vs getting stuck in a spot and just staying there. The 1000 / day goal means you're not allowed to get stuck. Gotta move on and make word count!

[manasurge]

Your custom fanspec... tell me about it 👀

:BLUSHYSMILEYCATEMOJI: hehehe well, it is mostly done, it just needs the polishing up for proper posting display with the accompanied drawn diagrams and colour coding (also it's quite old at this point, started working on it a year ago and wanted to work on lore stuff so I put it on hold, so the doodles look kinda bad but oh well alsjdfsdfj). The one main thing I just have to make her Reformed Mordrem minions to display the rest with the little visual diagrams, but I can post what I have done here so far <3 (this is actually the first time I've posted the updated state of this WIP since I last talked about it last year lskjfs. So sorry in advance if some of this seems janky as I haven't gone over it in a hot minute) Note: I also wanna redo the icon thing to be more of an eye instead of the lotus since it makes more sense literally and thematically and to just try to make it look better in general. For context my OC Mourynn/Vallotash (same person kinda) is Mordremoth's (parasitic) Scion in a weird imposter (syndrome) situation (leaving that bit out for now), and her whole thing was inspired by the ??? area in Jahai bluffs with the one quote that inspired her existence "Are you a dragon dreaming that it's a hero? If you were, how would you know?", where the area also matches her colours thematically too, and why her Mesmer abilities all revolve around hallucinations and tapping into the "Dragon of mind/plant, roots/madness, etc." where the spec also evolves slowly over time as she develops, but it does get amped up during LS1 with Scarlet being responsible for kickstarting it (as she brainwashed Mourynn to help cultivate the Dreamthistle into the Toxic Offshoots, and from there with HoT and so on as things got worse and this just evolved into it's own thing, haha). Super abridging explanations (and badly lol) since I feel that part with the Toxic Alliance and those spores were an important step towards this becoming what it is. Also I still need to decide on names for some things, but oh well ;w; ANYWAYS! Mourynn's custom Mesmer elite spec (WIP):

[infamouzsky]

GUYS MANIFEST ME LOCKING IN TODAY I WANNA ANSWER MY ASKS BUT TS4 HAS BEEN STEALING HOURS OF MY LIFE HELP

[sonicthecringehog]

friendly reminder that geno is autistic-coded as hell and y’all cannot tell me otherwise 🥰

(seriously what kind of neurotypical character holds a job as a literal high-ranking warrior despite being a klutz and goes out of their way to loredump and correct random people they only just met lmao)

~ Foxxie 💋

[acrosstobear]

think i’m more alive somehow, i feel like myself right now.

CALLUM ILOTT — November 11, 1998 —

[turnedpalefromlackofsun]

i wrote a fanfic

[fishareglorious]

the r1999 webbedsite discord is in the works, just need to learn more about making the groups because i am a seventy year old grandparent when it comes to anything discrod

[compacflt]

do you ever think about/write about how maverick threw goose’s dog tags into the ocean? the letterboxd reviews have me thinking again.

yeah that was literally one of the first little things august 2022 me petulantly retconned . fuck that . he kept one.

in my (and many other ppls) opinion those weren’t mavs to throw away they should’ve stayed with carole

and (i try not to talk about this as much as possible but) it suggests Something about mav & goose’s relationship that the filmmakers thought his dog tags should go to mav instead of to Goose’s wife (though i acknowledge and appreciate the usefulness of the visual metaphor of him saying goodbye to goose at the end of TG) (though that visual metaphor was rendered completely moot by the whole of TGM showing that mav HASNT moved on from goose and only moves on once he has the chance to save roosters life [which is why i retconned it])

ALSO? i am sure I’m not the first person to talk about this? But, to add a second layer of confusion & analysis, uh, the dogtags mav throws into the ocean aren’t goose’s.

I’m reading “metcalf, mike” from the backside. Those are VIPER’s dogtags. for some reason.

now i choose to believe that’s a props issue… someone grabbed the wrong set of tags & they were like ehhh no one will notice… script supervisor not doing their fucking job… so i choose to believe the filmmakers MEANT goose’s dogtags & it doesn’t change the end of the movie for me.

But im interested to hear from you—does that change/add anything to anyone’s analysis to know that mav threw VIPER’s tags into the ocean? there are a lot of really weird implications that come from taking what is probably a props fuck-up at face value!!! (Viper giving mav his tags [weird], viper being mav’s surrogate dad figure, thereby this scene becomes about mav saying goodbye to his FATHER finally,.. etc.)

[lemonade-sky]

if i don't beat bug fables before deltarune's new chappies come out im sooooo fucked. i probably won't be able to bug another fable for anywhere from a week to months because of the chokehold deltarune will have on me. im on a TIME LIMIT

[pjlotrhhjeml]

it would be amazing if there were more reader insert that have a storyline about being family from your confort characters

[mistyechoes]

im completely running out of motivation for schoolwork

[hidden-havven]

SPIDERMAN Y SPIDERWOMAN

leo's is a bit older than roier's, but ive been sitting on these two drawings for a while, I wanted to post them with the batfoolish and lobo nocturno when I finish them but I don't have de energy to even start them (； T.T)),,

[notthetraveler]

Oh my God I'm dating Rimmer