#i am in a ball on the floor

[belligerentbagel]

so much for stardust we thought we had it all, thought we had it all

[skrunksthatwunk]

skwisgaar punished arc

[opera-ghost]

the final performance of phantom on broadway - april 16th, 2023

[omegalomania]

it just really makes me feel a certain kind of way on tonight of all nights, when pete said this was the best tour ever, when patrick decided to do this exceedingly vulnerable thing and play a song they've never done live (and that pete said they wouldn't ever do live), dark alley and then following it up with what a catch and then transitioning into don't stop believing with the whole band - what kind of 8ball could compare to that?

bob dylan was the last song we really got from fall out boy until so much (for) stardust. they wrote it back during abap era but scrapped it. it was joe that pushed for its inclusion on believers never die volume 2, making it one of two tracks that were exclusive to that record. the second was dear future self, which was released as a single ahead of time to promote hellamegatour, so when we got the full bnd2 record...fob dylan was basically the last new music we got from fall out boy for a good five years. bnd2 was released in november 2019. it wouldn't be until january 2023 that we got "love from the other side". and it didnt feel like a potential "end" the way the hiatus did, at least not to me, but i did go into bnd2 knowing it'd probably be a while before we'd get new fall out boy music. so as much as i adored the song, there was a bittersweet tinge to it.

there's just something in that. something in beginnings and endings and "what ifs" and "never coulds." dark alley was a song that could've been left as a quiet footnote to a deeply unhappy time in pete wentz's life, but wasn't. what a catch could've marked the formal end of fall out boy's career and trajectory, but didn't. bob dylan could've been the last song we got from fall out boy ever, but it wasn't.

believers truly never die, do they?

[wazzappp]

Ok @moosemonstrous here we fuckin go.

OK SO. I apologize if it comes off more Evangellion than Pacific Rim but I thought that making The Charger more slender would help to differentiate it and allow for a focus on agility (also helps it to look more skeletal and unsettling).

The Charger is built in layers. An outer layer that constitutes the armor, a thinner covering, metal scaffolding, secondary thin covering, and then finally the essential wiring that makes the 'nervous system' of the Jaeger. Most of the damage (corruption scars, nicks, paint chipping) is just cosmetic, and the structural nature of the Jaeger is intact.

HOWEVER. The same can not be said of the reactor core. At some point (maybe during Eli's death?) corruption made its way behind the main fans of the outer engine and into the main reactor that powers the Jaeger. In theory this should lead to a catastrophic failure, but in this instance Im thinking there was a chemical reaction that essentially stabilized the corrosive nature of the Corruption (were gonna circle back to that).

For the most part my version of Robbies suit is fairly standard. I added an orange tint to his helmet screen for flavor because hey. Why not.

The spine of the suit is probably newly integrated to allow for an updated interface, I imagine theres at least a little development in the technology between the time Eli dies and Robbie comes into play. That would make the suit a weird mishmash of past and new technology which could be VERY fun.

Also I LOVED the white accents @cicada-candy added for their design but I didn't want to steal ideas so I just added it in my own places. Your art fucks severely bro I just wanted to make sure and let you know that <3

TIME FOR MY FAVORITE PART: SPECULATION ABOUT THE CORRUPTION AND ITS THEORETICAL GENETIC EFFECTS IN DOSES ON A SUBJECT!!!!!! (AKA self indulgence part 2 electric boogaloo)

I believe you mentioned the Corruption being a Neurotoxin which would be Very fun and VERY cool but I also have a suggestion. Mainly because you also referenced an increase in Robbies strength, as well as another person who got fuckin deaded shortly after.

A rapid growth in muscle density to allow for this strength would be very interesting, but why would the Corruption cause that? Simple answer; it isn't. At least not intentionally. Whats actually happening is a kind of nerve damage that changes the brains regulation of muscular exertion. Our brains really only let us use a certain percentage of our real strength, because if we just let loose and used it all we would cause significant physical damage to ourselves. Like. ripping your own tendons free from their anchors. you could break your own bones. you would die SO fast bro.

Now it is POSSIBLE to access this strength in situations of extreme stress and thats how you get people lifting cars off of loved ones, but this does still cause damage. It also gets more complicated when you consider Fast Twitch muscle reactions but for the sake of simplicity: You Would Die.

So a release of cortisol and other stress hormones, combined with a lessened ability to control strength. This means they would be USING that strength A LOT against ANYONE AND EVERYONE. But maintaining this sort of metabolism is not reasonable. Someone suffering from Corruption would likely also suffer from Hypoglycemia fatally. So extremely strong, extremely scared, and extremely short lived is the kind of deal we would be talking about here.

SO. Having said ALL OF THAT. WHAT IS ROBBIES DEAL. Well heres my proposal: The Corruption is a virus that causes neurodegenerative disease.

If Robbie was exposed to very small amounts of it as a child, it's possible it was inactive or defective, which would have allowed for an immunization point. Its also highly possible that this is a virus that can not survive (well i say survive very lightly. theres significant debate as to wether viruses are actually alive at all but I digress) outside its usual area AKA Inside a demon. He could have been exposed through contaminated water, direct contact, maybe even breathing burned version through the air. Either way, he came into contact with a weakened version of the virus and it helps him later on.

As he comes into DIRECT contact with Corruption via plugging into The Charger this is when we would start to see some more interesting effects. This Corruption would still be different though because of the aforementioned stabilizing chemical reaction in the reactor. Also, because I think Eli's DNA would be integrated into it. This provides Robbie with genetic compatibility for the virus to jump off of. Remember, viruses don't want to kill a host, they just want to reproduce as much as possible (which does end up killing a host but still). And a fun fact about viruses is that we never actually get rid of them, we just get rid of the symptoms. Once you have it its in you forever.

SO. 1. Immune response from Robbies body begins to cause the nervous damage that would allow for his rapid increase in strength. 2.Immune system recognizes the genetic material is familiar (Eli doing something good even inadvertently I guess). 3. Immune system neutralizes the virus and incorporates it into Robbies genetic coding. All good right? Happy ending? WRONG.

BECAUSE WHEN THERE ARE COPYING ERRORS IN YOUR DNA (SOMETIMES FROM VIRUSES) WHAT DO WE CALL IT?? DING DING DING 10 POINTS TO THE MUTUAL THAT SAID ✨MUTATION✨

This virus still carries genetic material from demons, this would also be getting integrated into Robbies DNA. Places like his spine which would have the most regular contact with the Corruption would probably take the brunt of these changes. It's possible that the nerve damage never truly goes away and he continuously tears and then rebuilds those muscles, resulting in overall increased strength thats technically?? stabilized?? Also I could totally see his body going 'oh shit were finally growing with decent access to fuel? BET' and just. Reactivates the growth plates in his bones ('Look! I've fixed his runt of the litter insecurity!' 'YOU FUCKED UP A PERFECTLY GOOD PILOT IS WHAT YOU DID. LOOK AT HIM. HES GOT ANXIETY ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS HUMANITY').

Oh yeah its also worth noting that this would be like. Pretty painful. We're talking constant soreness, cramps, deep aches that just won't go away. General suffering <3

Of course tapetum lucidum OF COURSE TEEF obviously as if I could go without it. You can get funky with mutations because hey. fucky wucky demon genome integration whoop whoop. Also could be interesting to see damaged areas on the Charger manifest on Robbie as damaged tissue. His skin says 'AH. Damage' and copies itself as scar tissue instead of the usual.

Oh god Ive been writing for a solid hour and a half I was supposed to be asleep a while ago ok. Moose I love this au and its making me unwell thank you for sharing with the class I hope you will consider my virus proposal for body horror purposes.

[dorotheo-rah]

Just fixed the Willy Wonka Experience.

[gomzdrawfr]

*cackles* mini Raven

[aq2003]

yeah i do wish i had some kind of time machine to go back to 2008 and see david tennant perform as hamlet live on stage despite there already being a movie version i've watched a billion times, and this is not just because ooga booga theater braincell and i think the text will always be best conveyed on the stage but also because i read a review that mentioned how during the too too sullied flesh soliloquy he claws at his face like he's trying to imagine ripping it off and this has fucking haunted me

[boywifesammy]

john & abuse - a study

the first few months after mary’s death, john was silent. dean had never seen such a blank look on his father’s face. he didn’t know it at the time, but he’d never see that vibrant look of joy from his childhood ever again.

john drank, but he mostly kept it to himself. at least at first. he hid the empty bottles where dean couldn’t find them and kept an eye on sam, though he never stepped in to intervene when he started crying.

more than scared, dean remembers being confused. he remembers sitting for hours on their dirty living room rug rocking his sobbing baby brother back and forth in his arms, trying to decipher john’s muttered slurs from the other room.

it was a year before john was lucid enough to be of any help. dean nearly jumped out of his skin when his father hugged him. he smelt of cigarettes and beer, but he was warm, and gentle, and dean hugged back.

‘i took care of sammy,’ he reassured his father. dean didn’t know the word for grief, but he felt the painful clench in his chest when he thought about his mother. it was there when he thought about his father too, but it didn’t bother him so much anymore. at least he had sammy.

john took dean’s face in his hands, staring down at him with heavy eyes. his beard was too long. his hair a shaggy mess. he looked dean in the eyes, and nodded curtly. good job, maybe. or, more likely, okay.

then he walked away, and dean sat there for far too long, wondering why he didn’t feel anything at all.

hunting life was different. john had a passion for the hunt and when they were on the job, he ate, sleep, and breathed violence. there was a jerky quality to him all the time, like he had two eyes peeled for the enemy and another on the back of his head to make sure that dean had his hold on his brother. when they did local hunts, dean would see it firsthand. the switch from whiskey to cigarettes. sharp daggers spread out across the motel bed. missing person’s reports and esoteric literature tacked up on the ugly wallpaper.

sometimes dean missed mary, missed how warm and soft she was in a way that john never was. but mostly, he was happy that his father was fighting for her. fighting for their family. fighting to keep dean safe, so that dean could keep sam safe.

dean knew what PTSD was. the full clinical title was lost on him but he saw it first in john’s war vet buddies, and now in the few hunters they ran across. dean recognized it right away. shuttered eyes. shifty movements. sleeping with one hand under their pillows, unchecked anger that could storm to the forefront practically unprovoked.

dean never gave it a name, but he knew about PTSD. he saw it in his father too. john never beat them, never hit them, barely even yelled at them. and if he did yell, dean knew he deserved it. he knew it was out of love, because dean couldn’t make mistakes, they just couldn’t afford it. not in this life.

john never beat dean but he got edgy on hunts. erratic. pulsing with so much misdirected anger that sometimes the mere presence of another in the room would send him into a frenzy. so dean doesn’t blame him for anything that happens on the job. it doesn’t count, not really. so what if john hit him in the side with the butt of his rifle on the last salt and burn? he walked right into that ghost’s trap. or when he beat him unconscious last friday? dean was possessed. he didn’t want to, he had to. and when he made dean sleep outside in the shed last winter? it was a rough hunt. dean disobeyed, and sammy got hurt. he deserved all of that and more.

dean didn’t count the training either. hunting wasn’t an easy life, and he didn’t blame john for that. if anything, he revered his father’s tenacity and wit. nothing in life comes easy. of course john knocks him on his ass during every training brawl. sammy sure as hell isn’t old enough for dean to practice with, and monsters don’t go easier because you’re little. so what if he faints a few times during PT, or if he has to fight on a broken bone, or if he sees black from exhaustion when he stands up too quick? it was dean’s fault that he threw up blood after john made him run endless laps around the motel parking lot. he should’ve drank more water.

dean knew it was all worth it when they came back from a successful hunt and his father ushered him into the bathroom to fix him up. when he stitched dean closed and gently wiped the blood off his skin and told him not to worry, that chicks dig scars. sometimes he even let dean sneak sips from his flask, and dean would sit real still with his shoulders squared, letting the buzz cover the pain.

dean knew it was worth it because the better he was, the less sammy had to suffer. he never bore the brunt of john’s rage during hunts. after all, he was just a kid, if he fucked up it was on dean for not teaching him right. sam could run more laps than dean and he had a killer shot and he’d never had to puke blood for it. he never had to fight dad. he’d only ever passed out twice, and each time dean was there to drag him back into the motel and feed him small sips of gatorade.

john was never there when dean woke up. dean didn’t blame him, there were more important things he had to do and dean would be fine. he knew how to take care of himself. ‘concussed?’ his father would text a few days later. ‘no,’ dean would text back, even if he was, because it wasn’t like there was anything john could do to help.

but dean was always there for sam. he made sure that sam never puked blood or passed out or cried because his stitches were too tight. he was his little brother, his little sammy, and if anything happened to him… hell. dean would die. he’d just die. he couldn’t take that.

sam left for stanford on a clear, gauzy summer night. he argued for hours with his father. dean stood to the side as he watched and didn’t say a word. john never beat them but he got irritable, and that meant bad hunts, and bad hunts meant extra stitches and bone-deep scars and those kinds of injuries that only hospitals could treat.

dean never understood why sam was so hellbent on overcomplicating their lives. they had it good. sam was safe, dean was loved, and john— well, john got by. he kept it together, for them. for dean. he kept dean safe so all he had to worry about was sammy, and now sam was leaving.

‘come with me,’ sam had asked him on the sidewalk. he had a massive backpack strapped to his chest. dean’s heart was breaking into so many little pieces.

‘sammy…’ he’d whispered back, because, god, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

‘come with me, dean. you don’t have to stay with him.’ anger willed up in dean. the same hot-cold anger that he saw in john when sam disobeyed.

it almost made him feel good. loved. righteous. he was his father’s son and he was made of scrap metal and leather and motel carpet, but he was loved. cherished. god, he was full of so much love. why couldn’t sam see that?

‘i’d never leave him. why the hell would you even suggest that?’ sam’s eyes went hard. he laughed, bitter and ugly, and shook his head.

‘you know what, dean, i always knew you’d choose him— this life— over everything else. over me.’ and dean wanted to scream, because how dare he. how dare he, when he never had to puke blood, or wash out the vomit from his father’s clothes, or wake up every morning to the heat of their mother burning on the ceiling.

but dean knew that deep down, this was a good thing. it was a sam thing. it was a boy who had the freedom and the love to be more than a weapon and a boy who was loved so much that it let him be selfish.

sam sneered at him, spitting out his words like they burned in his mouth.

‘you’re a goddamn coward.’

then he left, and dean didn’t stop him.

[sapphicstacks]

i know you probably hear this all the time but i cannot put enough emphasis on how amazing your writing is. it made me fall in love with reading all over again. i absolutely adore the way you perceive all of the characters and the way you let their stories unfold. i’m currently reading your firefighter au and it’s just unbelievably beautiful. the way you allow the characters to combat grief and work through it is honestly just insane. i have no words to put to how incredible your writing is. keep up the amazing work!!

what is happening today!?!? stop making me feel soft!

seriously though… thank you 🥹🥹 it’s been a lot lately and all this kindness is just— wow. this means so much to me 😭

[musicmusings42]

"You wasted your life, but thanks for applying"

"You got older cause you're good at life"

"I'm all grown up, but you couldn't tell"

"Getting a life's a little like dying"

"Be kind to me, be kind and wait it out"

[the-chattering-tower]

It's going to be a long time until I return to making skins if at all, between my health, classwork, and other hobbies that also demand use of my hands (which are complainy bastards) however i do have multiple skin ideas kicking around in my brain and i'll be real with you, most of them just come back to the fact that i am Very Gay and want to present my beloved with Shiny Gifts

[malonarky]

convinced that anyone who is like oh.. men are so shitty to me I only date the WORST men, I want a girlfriend, have never actually had a sapphic relationship. They are more cruel babe, you i will cry 1000x harder.

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me: you know tbh I haven’t rly experienced a lot of speech loss or sensory issues, sometimes I can handle my sensory triggers fine, maybe it’s weird that I have an AAC, maybe I don’t need it and I’m just faking all my symptoms and if I pushed through it-

*fire alarm sounds*

*literally crumples into a ball on the floor with my ears covered, cannot move for several minutes despite desperately trying to, cannot talk for over an hour*

Me: …okay so maybe that was the internalized ableism talking

[eerna]

Today I sucked so bad during Thunderblight boss battle that I prompted Urbosa to ask "..... Are you OK" mid-fight

[boyslit]

love being plural

love opening up my phone or computer and going 'now when the fuck did i change that'

and the 'that' is always something different and it was never me* that did it