#i am not even talking about cities with millions of people. any bigger town than mine is scary and uncomfortable. too much too see

[mylimoji]

big cities scare me so much you can't even imagine. maybe i am a country bumpkin. i don't even care if everyone knows everybody in my little town, like genuinely it's so scary to me to go even to a bigger city. too overwhelming and too much. thanks 👍

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Cowboy - Part 10

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol) -- swearing, and I’ve never been to a rodeo in real life so I probably didn’t make a fully realistic scene, so don’t hate me, it’s fiction lol

Word count: 2281

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

It truly was another world. The country music was playing live from the stage nearby and the endless row of stalls selling assortments from horse gear to food overstimulated you. You had lost Avery in the crowd, the tall man crossing paths with a group of women from high school.

Jaehyun smirked. “He’s always been the popular one.”

“And you the troublemaker?” you offered and Jaehyun laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re the troublemaker. How do you propose I deal with worrying about you when I’m warming up Trickster soon? Maybe you should come with me.”

“I’ll be fine exploring whilst you do that. I’ve seen you ride so much now, I’m convinced your butt is a perfect shape to mold to any saddle seat.”

“Well, you should know, having seen my butt how many times now?”

“Jaehyun!” you gasped, slapping his upper arm and looking around yourselves. You relaxed, realising you saw no familiar faces nearby.

He seemed to read your mind. “Avery knows about us. He’s helping me out by keeping his mother clueless.”

“Would anyone else come from Blayne today?” you asked, and Jaehyun shook his head.

“Not really. It’s more so people from the town over that will. And whilst you’re a household name in Blayne, you’re not on familiar terms yet with others. Which means…”

“Which means?” you repeated, grinning when Jaehyun reached for your hand, interlocking your fingers. You looked down at the gesture. “I felt that tremble, Jaehyun.”

“What tremble?” he feigned innocence for only a moment. “Maybe I have some butterflies about today. I want this to go well.”

“It will. I know it will.”

“Because I have your support?” he teased, and you shook your head, trying not to roll your eyes.

“Because it’s a passion of yours. I can tell you want this opportunity.”

“It would be real nice. Joey told me if I qualify, he can help me with the training. I’ll need to find extra time to do it, maybe travel to his barn a few times a week for evening training but it’s doable.”

“You’re so cute, you know that?” you said, recycling one of Jaehyun’s lines. He picked up on it and laughed. “I like seeing you this hopeful.”

“I’m hopeful about us too.”

“You are?”

“If I win today, my Dad will be pretty chuffed. Maybe we could tell him about us.”

“No more acting like teenagers over this. We’re grown adults, Jaehyun. Regardless of if you win or not, let’s tell him. I’m planning on meeting with him on Thursday for my business proposition, so if that goes well, I doubt he’ll have any concerns about us.”

“This is my Dad we’re talking about. There’s a whole lot about him, about us, that you don’t know.”

“Are you hiding someone in the attic?!” you asked, gasping dramatically. Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “You’ve got an entirely different life kept behind closed doors? How about being the culprit to-”

“Here you two are,” Avery interrupted, eyeing your linked hands with high interest. “Is this why you wanted to come today, Y/N? Away from the prying Blayne eyes, you can finally go on a date with your beau?”

“A date?” you pondered before looking up at Jaehyun. He grinned. “We’ve been on a few of those already in Blayne.”

“And no one knows that you two are together? Woah, I’m impressed with how well you’ve covered them up.”

“Not for long,” Jaehyun announced and you smiled happily, nodding in agreement. “But I am mighty glad you’re back, Avery. Can you keep an eye on this one? I’m sure if left to her own devices, some of the sellers in the market here will have her pulling out money she doesn’t need to spend.”

“You’re insulting my judgment so easily!” you called after Jaehyun’s departing back.

Avery grinned. “Well, you chose him over me. I’ve been doubtful of your taste this whole time.”

“Avery McConnell?”

Spinning to see another woman approach you both, you grinned. “He’s all yours. I’m going to go watch from the stadium.”

An hour had passed by, and you were struggling with the concept of being at a rodeo. On one hand, it was thrilling to watch but also reckless. You knew there was a danger behind the sport, as there was with most sports. But you didn’t realise how easy it was to fall off at this calibre of competition.

You gasped as a young girl, no older than fifteen hit into a barrel and her horse was deep in the turn, losing its footing and the pair fell, the horse landing on top of her. With bated breath, you watched as she managed to get back to her feet, albeit with an evident hobble.

“Your first time?” an older woman asked knowingly, and you nodded. “Not from around here?”

“Originally from the city,” you admitted sheepishly, and the woman laughed.

“Called that by a mile.”

“Do I stand out that much?”

“You’re no country pumpkin like me, that’s for sure.”

“Ah.” You looked her over and smiled. “I think you’re lovely.”

“I wasn’t meaning how we look, love. You’re here to support your boyfriend, aren’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“And he’ll come out here soon, and you’ll be the type to cheer. Don’t. It’s really tacky and could throw him off. Do you even know what barrel racing is about?”

“Some. There’s three barrels, and you have to make it through the sequence with the fastest time and without touching them.”

“It’s a dangerous sport. The horses are trained athletes. It might be all over in fifteen to seventeen seconds, but during that time, it’s a race against their life. They need to move without any issue, carry the weight of their rider perfectly, and dig deep to get around and then gallop off again. And the riders are just as focused. It’s more than just a sequence. Everything counts.”

“Wow, and he had a chance to go pro for this?”

She laughed loudly then. “All cowboys will tell you that, sweetie. Who are you rooting for?”

“Jung Jaehyun,” you mentioned and her amused expression dropped, scooting closer to you. Leaning back from her sudden invasion of your space, you laughed weakly. “Is that a problem?”

“Oh, he’s good. He’s back on the circuit? He took time off ever since the fire. I didn’t think he’d be back to this level.”

“What fire?”

“Blayne’s fire,” she replied, her eyes now peeled to the catalogue, checking out Jaehyun’s details. She gasped. “Joey Newman’s horse?! He didn’t come to mess around today.”

You smiled politely at the woman, slipping into your thoughts. You knew this was a big thing for Jaehyun, but was he that big of a deal in this world? The new information explained the nerves, but he had downplayed this to you all day long. The barrel racing was one of the last sports on the schedule for this rodeo, and for hours beforehand, Jaehyun had assured you it was like a training event. Yet, this woman now had you believing otherwise.

“Can I ask something?” you enquired, coming out of your reverie and the blonde woman nodded. “What happens if he makes the top five today?”

“He’ll be scouted. Perhaps he already is getting calls. He held the fastest time for five years straight in this region. Everyone wanted a piece of him before his father pulled him out.”

“Pulled him out?” you breathed, blinking rapidly. “Why did he-?”

“How about you ask your cowboy that you’re having a fling with all about it, once he’s done racing the clock, if you have further questions.”

“It’s not a fling,” you corrected and she smiled sadly at you.

“Darl, I was dating Billy Burke. You might not know that name but everyone around here did. He went pro, won the Nationals and become a million dollars richer.”

“A million dollars?!”

She shrugged. “I was pregnant with his baby at the time he got offered to go pro. We were supposed to get married. But, you know, it was his dream to go pro. When given the choice between love and the race, he chose the latter. So what if he has money? He has all that fame now too. All I have is his kid who hasn’t met his Daddy once. Let me warn you, cowboys might charm you with their country hospitality but they all have bigger goals than the farms they run back home. Once Jaehyun is given the chance, he’ll forget that Blayne even exists.”

“I doubt that,” you defended. “I’m sorry to hear of your circumstances, and even if Jaehyun and I end, I can confirm Blayne means more to him than-”

“You really don’t know what he did to Blayne, do you?” Pity for you emerged in her eyes. “What do you know aside from his body then?”

Getting up, you stormed out from the bleachers you had been sitting upon, feeling foolish for being so worked up by a stranger. Before you could leave, however, Avery leapt up towards you and clapped his hands together. “He’s next up. Where are you going?”

“Oh, I uh, need fresh air.”

“Worried about him falling off? Don’t be. He’s the best here today, you’re about to see it. No one else can go from being a farmhand to a decent barrel racer without practising than Jaehyun. Come on, you can get air after his run.”

Nodding numbly, you allowed Avery to push you along, taking a seat again. Avery greeted a few of the people around you, and you watched the horse and rider before you now, finishing their run with ease. You looked to the sidelines, wondering where Jaehyun was.

“I thought you said he was next.”

“He is. He’ll be making his way in any second now.”

The grating voice of the commentator muted as soon as you saw the spotted horse come racing into the arena, your eyes peeled on the pair heading towards their first barrel. Clasping your hands together, you watched on intensely, praying Jaehyun and Trickster would make it around safely.

The woman had been right. It was a sport that relied on precision and speed. You had always considered a minute to be such a short period of time, but as the seconds went by, you found yourself changed. Every second counted now.

Jaehyun and Trickster rounded the final barrel and galloped to the exit, Avery’s screams and sudden shaking your arm jostled you out of the blur that had been your vision towards the end.

Fifteen seconds was all it took to give you clarity on your feelings.

“He made it! That lucky son of a bitch!” Avery rejoiced, and you stood up jarringly, walking down the aisle to the exit. Avery was still full of energy at your side. “He’ll be cooling Trickster down, Y/N. Come this way to the holding pen.”

You followed along in a slight daze, your heart thumping with the thoughts within your head. You disregarded all the information, the warnings that stranger had given you. When you saw Jaehyun walking the heavily breathing animal around and patting his neck, you almost broke into a run to reach the side of the pen faster.

Noticing your arrival, Jaehyun grinned and walked the horse over. “Well, what did you think?”

“I think I’m in love you,” you announced sincerely.

“After seeing only one run?!” Avery joked, but Jaehyun’s expression grew serious, not shifting away from yours even as he continued to walk the horse around.

Distractedly, Jaehyun called out for the groom of Joey’s ranch and dismounted, walking over to you and ducking under the metal bar that separated you from him. “You mean what you say?”

You nodded, choking on the sudden emotions that had come with your confession.

“You can’t take it back after I give you this chance, Y/N. You mean it?”

“I love you,” you repeated, and that was all it took for Jaehyun to crash his lips upon yours.

There was no thought to the professionals around you, nor Avery who had stepped aside to give you albeit a tiny amount of privacy. You didn’t care at all who watched you lock lips with Jaehyun right now.

Because it felt right.

You hadn’t expected to arrive in Blayne and find yourself looking in different directions for your life. It had always been well-planned out. You would build your career and work hard during these years, so when you had achieved all you set out for you could relax into love and create a family.

The country didn’t work like that. The values were so different from what you had experienced in your fast-paced life. And now that you had been given the opportunity to slow down a little, to take in the world outside of an office and not be attached to a screen day in and out, you were finding your desires were changing too.

You liked the idea of waking up in someone’s arms and falling asleep whispering sweet nothings to one another. During those fifteen seconds, you imagined your life without Jaehyun in it, and it made you want to do absolutely everything in your power to remain at his side.

You meant the love confession. You had never spoken of love to another person before. It was liberating, fulfilling. As Jaehyun burned his lips into yours, you knew he felt the same.

It hadn’t been long between you. But this summer romance was shaping your world more than you believed it had for his parents all those years ago.

You couldn’t imagine going back to the city now.

_________________

Part 11

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[ramblinganthropologist]

Crossed over

Summary: Garrus has something to tell Shepard before they get down to pound town. Same hat, though? Same hat.

(I wrote this originally for pride but didn’t finish it in time. Yes I am 100% pulling this out of my ass, but who cares. My city now.)

---

Shit.

Garrus’ heart was still racing as the door to the main battery shut in front of him. Only moments prior, the Normandy’s commander had been standing there, chatting with him. Well… chatting wasn’t really the right word. Propositioning, maybe? That felt more on the face plate to him, but it just sounded so salacious for something coming from the man people had dubbed humanity’s boy scout.

He didn’t know what a boy scout was, but he was fairly sure they didn’t make suggestions like that…

“I guess I need to… ask Mordin about this.”

His hand hesitated on his omni-tool before he could make the call. The salarian would be good for positioning and allergic warnings, but he didn’t need that at the moment. That wasn’t going to quiet the frantic racing of his heart. He needed somebody else for that, someone he was still on shaky terms with.

But he needed someone would listen and not need a million clarifying questions…

His talons typed in the familiar number, and it was soon sending out the request. Thanks to being so close to a mass relay, it would go through no problem. Well, that and the fact Cerberus had souped up the Normandy’s communication system in several definitely off the market and illegal ways. Though that really wasn’t his problem anymore – he hadn’t been part of C-SEC for over two years.

Just… old habits die hard he supposed.

The call took a few seconds to connect, but he soon heard the sounds of Palaven on the other end. Garrus felt his stomach drop as he realized just how late it was on his homeworld. No doubt he had woken up the other party from a deep sleep – that was strike two for him before he had said a word.

Strike one, naturally, was going off on Omega and becoming a mercenary who took a rocket to the face. She was still mad about that.

“Garrus?”

Solana sounded tired. He could hear her shifting on the other end, no doubt because she had been in bed and fast asleep. Guilt swarmed in his stomach, but his resolve pushed it away. As the humans said it, in for a penny in for a pound.

And boy, he was going to get a pounding…

He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. The humans of the Normandy would’ve never noticed it, but no doubt his sister had already picked up on just how frantic he sounded. Right then, any turian within a couple hundred yards probably could’ve picked it up. Hell, a passing ship might have even gotten the hint if they hadn’t been in FTL drive. But he tried anyway – he had his pride in the end.

“Uh, hey, Solana. Sorry, I realize it’s late and all, but- “

Right then, he could imagine her mandibles twitching in annoyance, but also the gleam in her eyes that gave away just how curious she actually was. After all, he wasn’t the call home type. Never had been really, especially after their mother had passed. It just sort of got pushed to the back and they caught up when they could.

“Gar, you’re freaking out so loud the humans are going to hear it. You’re not dying again, are you?”

Hey, that had been a one-time deal. It wasn’t like he had a habit of taking rockets to the face or anything…

Garrus took a deep breath to steady himself once more, and he allowed his body some respite by dropping it onto the cot he kept in the battery. Sure, he probably could’ve had a bunk elsewhere – but that would’ve been with humans who had no problems working with Cerberus. As the object of his anxiety would’ve put it, taco was good out there.

He still didn’t get that – what did food have to do with displeasure? Humans were weird…

“I’m fine.” His mandibles twitched. “Just… had a talk with Shepard.”

Solana’s subvocals were curiosity city as she leaned in. “The big one or the dead one?”

“He’s not dead anymore…” Garrus’ voice trailed off. “And the little one, yeah.”

On the other end of the line, he heard his sister chuckle. “What, did you two have a fight about calibrating or something? That’s not exactly something to call me over, Gar. He’s not going to kick you off the…”

Her voice trailed off, no doubt because she had put the pieces together. He felt his stomach squirm as he waited in the pregnant silence, knowing the ball was going to drop any second. Really, this was the last thing he wanted to tell her…

“Please tell me you told him before you two fucked.”

Garrus’ mandibles almost let him lift off the ground as he jumped to his feet on instinct. “We haven’t… not yet. We were just… he made suggestions. I think we’re going to eventually, once we both put some research in. Kind of hard to smash a turian and a human together and all…”

His voice trailed off, realizing just how awkward he sounded. Really, the logical side of him knew he was being ridiculous. It wasn’t like he was a virgin like Shepard was. There were a few lovers in his past, so for the most part he knew what he was doing. It was just… well, humans were odd.

Solana’s voice was steadier the next time she spoke. “So… you’re planning to fuck your CO.”

“Yes, I know, I’m a walking stereotype.” The embarrassment could have choked a krogan. “Honestly… I don’t even know why I called. I just…”

His sister finished for him. “You’re worried about how he’s going to react if you tell him, because you’re planning on filling him in.”

Garrus was left standing there in the battery, mandibles almost to the bottom of his neck. He had no idea what kind of vocals he must’ve been giving off then, but they had to be something. After all, Solana wasn’t making fun of him. When it came to his love life, she loved nothing more than doing that. It was some older sister commandment: thou shalt pick on thy little brother for his terrible interest in people.

So… yeah.

“Gar?”

He shook his head. “Yeah, I guess that’s it,”

Solana shifted a pillow on the other end. “He’s a medic, right? He’ll at least understand it that way.”

Enough interaction with medical staff had taught Garrus that didn’t mean a whole lot of anything. Besides, he wasn’t looking for a checkup, this was practically starting… something. And maybe that’s why his stomach shifted so badly at the thought of it as he glanced around the battery.

Shit…

“I mean… do they even hold classes on that outside of turian occupied areas?” He sighed. “It’s easier with us… I don’t know how a human is going to feel about it.”

His sister’s subvocals shifted to something that reminded him of when he had been smaller, and she had stood by him on the playground. He was bigger than her now… but something about it was oddly comforting. It was also kind of embarrassing, but he was going to take what he could get at the moment.

“Well, if he starts shit, tell him to count his days.”

Despite his anxiety, Garrus found himself chuckling. “You’re really going to threaten the first human Spectre?”

“He died once; I can make it happen again if he hurts you.” The certainty in Solana’s voice was a strange comfort then. “Seriously, if he has a problem with it, then he’s an ass and he’s not worth it. Not your fault he’s a dumb human who doesn’t get what it means.”

Another chuckle – he knew when he had lost a fight. “Thanks, but I think I can handle it. Besides, you’re kind of on Palaven.”

Not that that meant anything – piss Solana off enough and she’d find a way to show up.

“Lucky him.” Solana let out a yawn that helped Garrus know their call was ending. “I mean it, Garrus. If he says anything…”

He found the knot in his stomach loosening as he sat back down. “I’ll send you our coordinates.”

“That’s my little brother. Now, get the hell off the line. I gotta get up for work in 4 hours.”

Well, love you too…

Still, Garrus let his sister go and the battery lapsed into silence once more as the call ended. He could hear life on the other side of the heavy door as the crew went about their duties, but right then it didn’t matter. He had made up his mind over the course of the call, so now he felt more resolute.

Was he still terrified? Absolutely. Humans were fucking unpredictable. After all, who else launches out of a mass effect field and starts fighting with the first sentient species they meet? They had a species wide death wish or something…

But that didn’t matter then. Now it was time to figure out what he wanted to say. And at least he had time for that as he waited for the big gun in front of him to show him some data.

---

A few weeks later, and there he was. Garrus shifted from foot to foot as the elevator door opened and let him out. He had been to the top of the Normandy before, enough that he knew the layout. Past that door was the object of his anxiety, waiting on the pretense of a talk about what they were planning.

Maybe it had been a while since he had last had sex, but he definitely didn’t remember that much thought put into it before. Was it because he was getting older, or because his partner was a squishy human?

“That you, Garrus?”

Shepard’s soft voice carried through the metal. Something about it always set the turian’s heart beating a little faster. In those moments, he found it hard to talk. So, in the end he just stood there like an idiot.

This was going great, clearly.

Thankfully, Shepard wasn’t a stupid man. His head appeared through the open door, checking to make sure he was ok. Today he had his hair pulled behind his head – he was fairly sure he called it a ponytail – and out of his face. No doubt he had been working with Saren. The hamster had full face privileges at pretty much anytime. And yes, he was jealous of a hamster for that.

So sue him.

The words brought hm back to life. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, guess I was more tired than I thought.”

The Spectre smiled at him as he motioned for Garrus to follow. Just as the turian had thought, he had been working with his hamster. From the looks of things, it had been a deep clean and a cage change if the shredded bedding meant anything. No doubt the man in charge of it all had been cleaning it up when he had come calling.

“What’s Saren got this time?”

Shepard gestured to the cage as they moved past his desk towards the sitting area. “I went for an under the sea theme. It seemed appropriate; he is living in the old fish tank system.”

That would explain the sunken ship half buried in the substrate. He had to hand it to the human, he really knew how to spoil his pets…

Together they sat at the table, Garrus positioned so he could just see Shepard’s unmade bed in the background. It was so close, but it felt like lightyears away. He was supposed to get on that eventually with the Spectre…

Talk about nearly giving himself a heart attack.

“Anyway, you wanted to talk about …”

Shepard’s voice dropped and his cheeks turned pink. Humans called that blushing, and it was pretty noticeable on the ones with light skin. It usually turned the Spectre krogan rampage red if he got going, so things weren’t too bad yet. He could work with this.

Still, Garrus felt tense as he gazed over at the human. At least both of them were nervous about this, so he didn’t feel completely stupid. In a way, that was helpful as he tried to find the words he had practiced for a week.

Naturally, they had abandoned him at the sight of those blue eyes. He was a sucker for blue…

“Yeah. There was something… I needed to tell you.”

His talons tucked against each other as he tried to keep from looking at the human. “Just so we both know what we’re getting into and all.”

“You’re not allergic to human body fluids, are you?”

Shepard was so matter of fact in his tone that Garrus felt himself chuckling without meaning to do it. Leave it to the Spectre to find a way to relax him without consciously attempting it. Maybe that was his real superpower – the biotics were just a fun perk.

But yeah… maybe he could do this.

“No, I’m good there.” Another deep breath. “Just uh… I don’t really tell people this. None of their business, and most non-turians wouldn’t get it anyway.”

At that, Garrus paused and checked the sight in front of him. Shepard was watching him, analyzing him maybe. He had stopped nervously tugging at the end of his ponytail, and his hands were in his lap. From the looks of things, he had the Spectre’s undivided attention.

No pressure.

“Something up, Garrus? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t- “

He held up his hand. “No, I feel like I should. We’re getting kind of… close.”

The tension rippled across his carapace as he felt it on the tip of his tongue. “Do… you know what it means to be crossed?”

At that point, the translating function on their omni-tools went haywire. Whatever Shepard normally heard when it worked, he definitely wasn’t getting it then. At least the man hadn’t winced at the sound of him untranslated. That was probably a good sign for cross-species relations if there ever was one.

“Sorry, the translator didn’t pick that up. I got something about a mix up?”

Well, half points for trying.

Garrus nodded as he tried to pick his words carefully so they would translate right. “Something like that. You know we believe in spirits, right?”

When Shepard nodded, he continued, stomach churning all the while. “Well… sometimes the spirit and the body it’s in have a disagreement about… things I guess.”

Disagreement was putting it mildly, of course. Garrus would’ve rather called it an all-out war in his early teens when the bad feelings were at their peak. Now it was mostly quiet – thank you, modern medicine – but sometimes it still whispered in his thoughts when he least expected it. His spirit was a tricky one like that, no wonder he had lasted so long on Omega.

But… yeah, he was getting away from the awkward conversation he was having. That was probably a bad coping mechanism left over from being a merc.

Shepard still seemed tuned into the conversation at the very least. “Ok… so your mind and body don’t… agree on something? Is that what I’m getting?”

“Pretty much. It’s not super common, but it happens.” His mandibles flapped as he tried to find the words. “There are ways of… making the spirit more comfortable depending on what way you need to go. Medical procedures help, but oftentimes one of the best ways is to just live the way your spirit wants.”

He had been 13 when his spirit had started acting up. That was a common age, though he didn’t exactly hang out with many crossed turians these days…

His shoulders still tensed as he snuck a glance at the human – hadn’t lost him completely. “I guess I’m trying to tell you… that I’m crossed. Not that it’s going to matter for us in bed, the hormone therapy has pretty much taken care of everything. I only have to take a maintenance dose every couple months…”

His voice trailed off. Shepard hadn’t said anything for a long time. Instead, the Spectre seemed to draw into himself. Something about that made Garrus’ stomach drop and almost instantly he regretted saying anything at all.

Maybe he was going to need Solana after all…

His voice was shaky when he spoke again. “Look, I get that it doesn’t- “

“So, you’re like the turian version of trans?”

Garrus blinked. The word was a new one, he had learned it from listening to the crew. Mentally, the translation ran through his head as he sat there, trying to remember what it meant. Something about gender?

What was that again, an ice cream flavor? He was kind of drawing a blank…

“Uh… don’t really get what that is, Shepard. You’re going to have to explain it to me before I can say anything.”

There was a glint in the man’s eye then as he nodded. “Basically, humans have a thing where their brain and body don’t match up. We can also fix it with medical procedures, but the best way is the same way you’ve got.”

The turian found himself nodding. “Guess that would be the human version of being crossed, yeah.”

In that moment, Garrus wasn’t sure what to expect as the pieces fell into place. It was Shepard, but Shepard was still human. More importantly, it was impossible to read how he was reacting then. His face was utterly blank as he sat there, staring down at his hands.

In the words of the Spectre… he should probably go.

Garrus could feel something breaking inside still as he stood. “I get it’s probably not what you expected. It’s ok… I just ask you don’t spread it- “

Those eyes were on him as Shepard reached out to keep him from going. “Damn it, Garrus, same hat.”

…

“Same…”

A wide grin broke out on Shepard’s face as he started laughing. “I think we’re in the same boat here if you’re telling me you’re on the turian version of HRT. Holy shit, talk about one hell of a relief. I thought you were going to say you were allergic to humans or something.”

The translation whirred in Garrus’ visor as he wordlessly sat back down. He had a full picture now, and it was one hell of a sight. The tension that had been vibrating across his carapace began to melt away as he listened to the human laugh, and soon he found himself chuckling as well.

Solana was never going to believe this.

“Nope, still not allergic to humans.” His mandibles twitched. “So… you humans do it too then?”

Shepard was still smiling as he nodded. “Yeah. If not for my biotics fucking everything up, I would’ve been on HRT too by now. But then you wouldn’t get to hear my lovely, squeaky voice cracking over the battlefield and who would want to miss that?”

“I wouldn’t…” Garrus’ voice trailed off. “Oh…”

Well, from the sound of things he hadn’t needed to worry. Maybe he didn’t need his older sister to come beat up his not-yet lover yet after all. His pride would survive for at least one more day at this rate.

Honestly, he felt lighter than he had in weeks. If not for the ship’s gravity, he might have been floating then. Then again, that might have been caused by Shepard’s quiet chuckles over all of this. Something about the man’s laughter always put him at ease.

“I can’t believe you thought I was cis, though.” The human had gone back to playing with the end of his ponytail, though from the motions it was less nerves and more something to do with his hands. “I would be insulted if you were human.”

Garrus felt his mandibles twitch. “It’s not like I know the difference, Shepard.”

“You literally saw my dick fall out of my pants, Garrus.”

…

Yeah, well… he wasn’t the medic, now was he? For all he knew, they were supposed to do that.

Still, at his silence Shepard just chuckled more. Surprisingly, he seemed lighter as well as he sat back. Maybe because of his own nerves, but he hadn’t noticed just how tight the man’s shoulders had been when he had entered. No doubt they had been worrying about similar things if there was that much crossover.

Something, something, communication made for happy relationships.

“Well, clearly we’ve got plenty of research to do if we want to do this right.” The human sounded much happier as he looked down at his always present omni-tool. “I mean… if you still want to and all. I understand if you’ve changed your mind.”

Garrus all but hopped to his feet. “No! I mean… no, I haven’t changed my mind. I’m just glad I know what to research. I think I was looking at the wrong vids…”

“Well, that makes two of us, unless you guys figured out a way to fix anatomical issues we’re still working on. Turian anatomy seems a little more straight-forward when it comes to genitals, what with everything being internal.”

…

You know, he probably should’ve found his anatomy being discussed in such clinical terms rather dry. Yet the fact Shepard seemed so relaxed about the whole thing was rather heartening. Maybe he was just more relaxed now that the bomb had dropped and he still had both of his mandibles.

He was glad for that – the implant surgery to fix him the first time had really sucked.

“I think you’ll be fine with whatever you’re looking at.” He let out a sigh of relief. “So… good talk?”

Even he knew that sounded awkward. Yet, the other man chuckled and nodded as he stood at last, pushing his ponytail behind his shoulders as he approached the turian. Apart from when they were getting shot at, it was probably the closest they had ever been.

“Yeah. Good talk.”

And then he smiled. “So, uh… I need to finish cleaning up from Saren. Unless you want to help with that?”

Garrus was already on his feet, eyeing the door. “I think I have some calibrations to get to down in the battery.”

Shepard’s cheeks briefly puffed out, but then he allowed a rather laid-back chuckle. “Alright, I get the idea. I’ll talk to you later, Garrus. Good luck with the calibrations.”

Luck – he certainly had a lot of that at the moment.

Garrus honestly felt lighter as he left the man’s quarters to return to his spot in the battery. The weight that had pressed down hard on his talons had evaporated, like gravity no longer affected him. It was a bit strange – the ship was set to adjust to that – but right then he wasn’t thinking like a tech as he rode the elevator back down.

All things considered, that had gone better than he had expected.

“Well… doubt Solana is going to believe this one. Who knew humans had it too…” he trailed off as the door opened to the crew floor. He let the matter drop for the moment, focused instead on getting back to work. After all, the Normandy was a big ship, and keeping her running was a heavy task he was more than happy to deal with.

Still… it was good to know they were on even footing. Maybe it wouldn’t go as badly as he thought it might. But he definitely needed to change his vids…

But he could worry about that later. A big gun needed some specialized calibrations if they were going to live another day. He could think about his sex life later.

[romantic-barnes]

strawberry & tape | part four

| part four - blood red jam |

Pairings: dark!biker!bucky x reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes has the town in his hands and a lot Blood. All you have is a cafe your mother left you after her passing. But as Bucky’s attention moves to you, do you have the strength to pay revenge for his wrongdoings? Does your push into the dark paradise end in love or blood?

Warnings: death, possessiveness, mention of non-con, gang violence. This is dark bucky! please don’t read if you are uncomfortable with any of the topics mentioned above! 

A/n: I am so sorry. oof. please don’t read if you are under 18!

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers​

The days dragged on, leaving you breathless. Days spend in the bed, not even crying. You knew that not going to work was possibly the worst thing you could do, but not a bone in your body was able to move, all muscles numb, your head screaming at you to stay in bed. There seemed to be nothing left for you. The thing Bucky did to you left you scared. If that’s what he was going to do to you for not believing you, then what other things was he capable of doing?

The bed started to smell like sweat, grime and dirt. You were disgusted with yourself, the way you could let go of yourself. Over the last few days you had let yourself go like you’ve never done before. 

One of the girls, Natasha, brought you food every morning and evening. She told you that Bucky wanted to make sure you were well fed and taken care of, but the gesture that would appear sweet and caring, made you want to puke violently. After violating you, shaming you in public for anyone to see he wanted to take care of you? 

But you ate. You pushed down the bites with difficulty, because the thought of what he would do if you didn’t frightened you and you hated yourself for it. That you bend so easily at his wish.

After days of laying in the murky bed, you decided to take a shower, washing away the dirt piling on top of your skin. Your hand traced your skin, the disassociation of your own body frightened you. The soft flesh felt like someone else’s. Your hand lowered following the water’s stream, down to your pelvis, down to your core. 

You hissed as you touched your sensitive skin. A shiver running up your body from the pain. Even after days and days of laying in bed, the pain never subsided and Bucky’s fingers left their mark, ghosting on top of your body like foul mold. A soff sob left your lips as you gently washed yourself, a hand steadying yourself on the wall opposite you, closing your eyes as your tears mixed with the water. 

Stepping out of the shower you looked at yourself in the mirror. You traced the contours of your face with your eyes, but the woman in the mirror was someone you couldn’t recognize. A woman who’s skin started to crack, the pain creeping out from the cracks beneath. A pile of pain growing like weeds.

As you sat at the table, eating the breakfast Natasha brought you, you knew you needed to go. Staring outside the sun peaked through the clouds. A glimmer of hope. Far away in the big city someone should be able to help you. 

After you got ready, you remembered Bucky’s demeanour when you went out for breakfast with Lana, the way he made you ask for permission. The memory send shivers running across your body like a million cockroaches slithering on your skin. 

Your feet carried you to his office, like walking on thorns. The door becoming bigger with every step you took towards it. A man stood in front of it and if you weren’t so distracted by the killing machine resting in his hands, you would recognize him as Clint, the father of the girl who tragically died a few years ago. 

A big topic for gossip, no respect for the young girl that lost her life too soon, but the people like to talk in Dawn. Some say her father killed her himself, but other believe that she was already dead once her father joined the Howling Commandos and that her death was just an accessory to the name. The girl was discovered by her own mother, laying face down by the church. Her eyes had been carved out and her mouth was sewed shut. 

Just looking at him send puke squeezing up your throat.

“What do you want?” Clint barked, death stare on your body. 

“I’m here to see Bucky.” You croaked out. 

Clint hesitated for a second, but knocked on the door regardless. Bucky granted permission and Clint opened the door for you, revealing the room behind it. You stepped in carefully examining the room. The walls painted red, a deep, morbid red. The pain staining everything it touched with beams of red. 

Bucky sat behind the desk, leaning back on his chair, a sinister smile painting his lips. The door behind you shut close and the prospect of being in a room alone with him frightened you. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Bucky said, tilting his head.

It took you a little to form the words carefully in your head. “I wanted to ask if I could go visit Lana.” As soon as the words left you, your cheeks heated up with embarrassment.  

“That’s cute, but I need more than that.” Bucky’s smile formed to a smirk as he rolled his chair back. “Come here.” He ordered with a whisper. 

You couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not, but your hart started to race. A slow step forward and determination took over. Just this and you could go forward with your plan. Another step and another. You now stood in front of Bucky, waiting.

Bucky looked up to you. “Get on your knees.” 

You swallowed thickly, lowering yourself on your knees like he ordered. It didn’t take a genius to guess what he wanted. You were prepared for the worst, to taste him in your mouth. Your head between the legs of devils’s creation, but even the smartest people can be wrong.

“Beg.” 

You looked up to him, confused. The stern look on his face told you he meant it, Bucky wanted you to beg for it. “Can I please go -go to Lana’s house?” The heat in your face travelled down to your neck. “Please, B-bucky?” Your voice almost failed you, but as his smirk widened to a smile you let out a breath of relieve.

“Sure, sugar. But only because you asked so nicely.” Bucky reached his hand out, caressing your cheek with the back of his hand. He traced from your forehead, down to your temple, to your jaw with the tips of his fingers. His hand travelled down to your throat and with a swift move he enclosed his hand around it, encouraging you to stand with him. 

He towered over you with his hand on your neck. “Have fun.” Bucky breathed, his hot breath on your face and you just wanted to cry. 

As soon as he released you, you stumbled away from him, backing out of the room while you almost tripped over you feet. The moment you were out of the house, running down the street you were crying. Turning corners, passing people and you knew they would be looking after you, how couldn’t they? 

Lana’s house came into view and you slowed down, walking up the steps to her door. You ringed the doorbell and the door swung open. Lana let you in without words. 

Once in her room you sat at her desk, opening her laptop. Lana sat on the edge of her bed next to you with questions all over her face. After a while of searching you fund what you were looking for and it was a woman named Maria Hill. a private investigator. 

“I’m going to take them down from the inside. Since the police here in Dawn can’t help me, someone in the city surely will.” You spoke without taking your eyes off the screen. 

“Y/n, are you sure about this?” You turned to your friend. “Someone saw what Bucky did to you.” Her voice got quiet, a whisper almost. 

You lowered your head, the thought of people talking about you, standing in the phone booth. “That’s why I need to do this.”

Lana left the room making tea while you called Maria, explaining the situation you were in. She asked questions you were reluctant to answer, but you did either way. Bucky’s eyes haunted you brain, his voice ringing in your ear making it difficult to focus on the woman’s voice. so much so that she had to pull you back from your thoughts from time to time. 

Once you arrived back at the house you avoided everyone like you always did, resorting to your room at every hour. You were supplied with groceries, but that was the only human interaction you got. Your days were filled with sitting by the window, watching everyone live their life free from the invisible handcuffs. 

After contacting the private investigator, Lana promised to help you despite her life being on the line as well and you thanked the gods for her. She was to inform you on any details that arise. You were nervous, chewing on your nails down to the nub of your fingertips. 

Your nervousness didn’t falter as the day went on.

A knock on the door shook you out of your dream. The opening of your door made you sit up. Two men stood across from the bed, ushering for you to get up. They led you down the stairs to Bucky’s office. The pit in your stomach told you vile things, warnings. 

They opened the door, but the scene in front of you made no sense to you. You walked in further, at least four men stood around the room. Bucky stood behind his desk, his hands wrapped around the back of the throat of Lana. 

Your breaths became shallow, too fast to catch up. 

Lana’s eyes stared into yours, red rimmed and glossy. The two men grabbed your upper arms on either side, but you were too focused on your best friend, standing with him, shaking. The air around so thick it was chocking you. 

“Peter over here told me some interesting things, dollface.” Bucky’s anger was visible in his face by the creases on his forehead, fire burning behind the blue of his eyes and you’ve never seen anything like it. “He said that you told Lana about the police and then, oh remember, you tried to call her?”

His words set in and you glanced to Peter standing at the wall, his head down in shame. Your lips parted but nothing came out. 

“You know what we do to traitors? We punish them.” 

“Stop, she had nothing to do with the police, Bucky.” 

“Well, dalin’, how would I know? And since I don’t want to mess up your pretty face, she has to deal with your punishment.” His grip on her throat tightened, his fingertips digging into her soft flesh and he slammed her pelvin into the edge of the desk making Lana yelp in pain. 

“You know I fucked her, right? I took her innocence right here.” With a thump Lana’s chest hit the desk and Bucky bend her over. “Just like this.”

“No, no, no, stop.” Your voice barely audible and you wanted to cover your mouth but the men held your arms to the sides of your body tightly. Your heart pounded against your chest so vigorously you thought that it would bruise your ribs.

Bucky lifted Lana’s skirt and her sobs filled the room, but none of the men standing payed her pain any mind, watching the scene unfold before them, not even flinching, batting an eye. 

“Stop, please.” You pleaded and you were ready to go down to your knees, beg for forgiveness. 

Bucky’s face lit up at your words, looking directly into your eyes. “Say that again.” He closed his eyes, groaning over Lana’s cries. He exposed Lana even further, lifting the skirt over her back, showing her cotton panties underneath. From the corner of your eye you saw one of the men, blond hair and blue eyes, lick his lips. 

Bucky’s eyes opened and you sunk down until your knees hit the wooden floor, but underneath your skin the wood felt as if you were kneeling on glass for him. “Please.” You begged.

“Alright, no problem. But I would’ve liked to fuck her one last time, she cried so pretty with my dick in her cunt.” His low, morbid chuckle filled your ears. “I have something better in mind.”

There wasn’t time. No time could’ve prepared you to register what you witnessed. With a quick snap and a loud crack, Lana’s legs softened, her body relaxed against the table. The life she had left her eyes, her body numb. 

Your jaw slacked, but realization didn’t hit. It couldn’t be true. A sinister silence fell and Lana’s body with it, sliding off the desk, but you couldn’t hear the impact of her hitting the floor. 

You were frozen in place, kneeling on the floor and something within you told you the truth, he had snapped her neck right in front of you, without remorse, without hesitation.

And it hit you once again. 

You’ll never make it out alive.

[ next ]

[watchtheworldargue]

egg magazine, april 1990. interview with Michael Hutchence

transcription below :)

Michael Hutchence on Lower Broadway

By Hal Rubenstein \ Photography by Steven Meisel

Globe-hopping is hell on a wardrobe and hard on the feet. Sometimes you have to get out of the limo to spend your money.

Michael Hutchence rarely comes to New York without luggage monogrammed INXS or Max Q, so one would think that on a visit without portfolio, the last thing he'd want to do is add on more baggage. But given a free day, a book of tickets, and our offer to go anywhere to do anything, Hutchence got into the limo with an agenda we could hardly call a new sensation. What kept us from sulking was that he hadn't left the devil outside.

Michael: You think we can load this car up with Yamamoto, Comme des Garcons, and Armani by 6?

Hal: Driver, step on it. Down to Grand and make a left.

[The car turns onto Union Square West.]

Isn't there a club on the corner here?

The Underground.

That's the one that keeps surviving regardless of how many people get shot there. How many are they up to?

No one's quite sure.

Where are we now? I don't recognise this.

This strip of lower Broadway didn't exist last time you were here. Now it's like a mall-less town's Main Street.

And Tower Records is City Hall. Not bad. It's wild to see this much activity because people around the world now talk about New York in terms of decay, how New York is such a rude place, and we keep telling them, No, New Yorkers are quite friendly, we like it there. New Yorkers are just very honest. They don't have time to bullshit. I like New York because people are linked to each other. L.A. Is fun, but segregated. Here there is a metro, and a different philosophy of getting around so there's rich upon poor upon rich. The only thing I don't remember is how many homeless are asleep on Park Avenue and everywhere else. Or is it my imagination?

No, it's real. How come you choose to live in Hong Kong instead of Australia?

For about three years, I thought it didn't matter where I lived. But I kept passing through it again. I grew up there, from when I was four until twelve. My dad still lives there. It has great energy, like New York. And it's ten hours closer to the world than Australia is. If you travel a lot, it adds up.

[We enter the Yohji Yamamoto store.]

So austere. Do they go wild if you hand back anything wrinkled? Those clothes over there are good acid-house colors. Has acid house caught on here?

Not like in England.

That's 'cause New York has bad radio. Are these dogs always here? They must sleep in the shoes. Ooh, look at these here. Not very me, but very Star Trek. $500 for a T-shirt. I see. I'll buy six. No, twelve. Now, here is something very stagy. Ultraflouncy. I like that, but the general consensus might kill my career.

Is what you wear onstage the same as you wear off?

I sort of smush them all together. My favorite piece of clothing is a leather jacket I had made for me that says “Hutch” in chain mail on the back.

Did Michael Schmidt make it for you?

Yeah – how'd you know? He's great. He sort of looks like a beautiful snake. He loves all the Hollywood stuff, but he's so sincere when he talks about it. Almost makes me like it. Is there somewhere funkier we can go, like Yankel's House of Pile? I saw that on the way down.

If you want old clothes, we should go to Cheap Jack's.

[We head back up to Broadway and 13th Street. Several young ladies on the corner stare at Hutchence as he enters Cheap Jack's.]

Do you enjoy recognition?

Depends on where I am.

Like when you're out on your own. Shopping, for instance.

Shopping, yeah, 'cause I get discounts. And there is a definite bonus to recognition when I'm onstage.

It makes the night go faster. But I'm not an institution yet. Sometimes I think about how hard it must be for someone like Bob Hope to go for a stroll. I don't really get hassled. I can stand in the middle of a street in London, or even New York, and usually nothing happens. I don't think I have that distinctive of a face. I got recognized in Tangier once, going by in a taxi, very fast … from a distance … in a fog … during monsoon season. Just kidding. It's odd how once you are conscious of being watched, you stop being so self-conscious because you realize there's nothing you can do about it. Of course, nobody in Hong Kong gives a shit who I am.

Aren't people there freaking about the city's eventual realignment with China?

Thousands are leaving a year, but they're the ones who can afford to leave, to give Australia half a million to let them in, though a lot more are going to Vancouver or New Zealand instead because they've heard, and it's fairly true, about Australia's racism.

It's actually more like unconscious racism. There's a naivete to it that you might call charming if it wasn't so sick. See, most foreigners don't realize – because we refuse to believe it ourselves – that Australia is southern Asia. Australia is linked to England in everyone's minds.

Yet most Australians don't have the faintest idea why the Japanese tried to invade us during the Second World War, and can't understand why they might not have wanted any foreigners on the biggest island in the Asian paradise. If we had lost, my home would be covered in rice paddies by now. Australia would have been Japan's Great Plains, their grain barrel.

I've never met one Australian who knows that. We have it so easy in Australia. It's very easy to live there. Tougher than it was before, but that's because five years ago it was ridiculous. I used to live in a three-story, five-bedroom house. It cost me $20 a week.

Did you make that much playing music?

Nah, but so what, we were all on the dole. Everyone went on it. That's one of the reasons you have so many bands in Australia. It's cheap to live and collect, so all the bands go on it. You wouldn't even have to go pick up your employment check; they'd mail it to you or transfer it to your account. Ready cash. I guess because there is such an anti-authoritarian vibe in Australia that people are quite happy to accept government checks. “Aw, screw 'em” - that's the attitude. Lots of people accept four and five checks or even have jobs. It's very lax. That's why we're stuck with the tall-poppy syndrome.

Translation?

Don't be successful, don't rise above your mates, or you'll get chopped. It's weird. It's the don't-leave-the-pub way of life. I think people in America are generally happy for someone's good fortune; they know how to let themselves go. In Australia, they go, “Good, mate,” and don't ask a single question. There are no celebrations for a job well done. I'm still shocked at how Americans cheer you on when they like you. I know you don't fancy it anymore, but I like phrases like “dress for success.”

And that's why you're shopping here?

I love hideous ties. Girls love 'em. Dunno why. Its like red socks. Are the playing Richard Hell? I haven't heard this song in 20 years. God, you must hear better music in clothing stores than you do anywhere else in New York. All these baseball jackets are so cheap. You know what they pay for these in Australia? I should buy the whole lot, take them back. I'd never have to tour again. I could get 150 to 200 bucks just for the ratty ones. I think this is the first clothing store I've been in that wasn't playing videos.

Are videos big in Australia?

We've actually been involved in music video a whole lot longer than in America. Because we are so far away, the only way we've had to understand all this music flying around the world is through video. Since the '50s, even when it was only 10 minutes a week, Aussie tv has been showing music videos.

And we don't censor the way you guys do. The “Way of the World” single is a very serious song, but MTV is quite shy of the video, you should note – I say this diplomatically. They censor here for all the wrong reasons. Like it's okay to stare at Cher's crotch for four minutes, but it's hard to say something truthful about the state of the world.

Could it be because with a group that's become as wildly successful as INXS has, it's inevitable that favorable reaction always turns?

I don't think INXS has reached that point yet. Give us four more years. We've only recently become hip in England. At the beginning, they hated our guts.

Why?

'Cause we are Australians writing pop music, why else? They don't make much in England, apart from nice jumpers and Jaguars, and one of the few things they can claim some turf on is pop music. So, they're not happy when someone else does it. It's a standard trait of island people; they're very territorial.

But you guys are island people too.

Yeah, but we got a bigger island. Now, if we can just get rid of some competition from the expatriate colonies.

Isn't it enough already with this rivalry between Australia and England? L.A. And New York have settled their feud.

England still treats Australia like we're descendants of convicts. Well, I guess we are, aren't we? We're trying to get rid of them, but unfortunately, they're coming back with money and buying up half the country. Don't you resent the Japanese buying Rockefeller Center?

I resent the Rockefellers more.

[Having tried on everything and bought nothing, Hutchence decides against old clothes. We head down to If boutique.]

Armand Basi. Nice stuff. That Claude Montana is fabulous, but God, this stuff is expensive. We don't know anyone here for a discount, do we? My father used to design clothes for a shop in Hong Kong called Dynasty. Glitzy evening wear for too much money. One year, when we did our first tour, we bough ta lot of Sprouse, real colorful stuff, and we spent a fortune, especially when you consider it's disposable fashion. All it had to do was last a month. All the buttons fell off, it shrunk, seams opened up. We would have been more upset, but it made us homesick for the mother country. Disposable fashion is very English. The nice thing about it when it comes from there, however, is that even though the stuff falls apart, it's cheap.

Ah, I like this. Very sexy, very smart. Basi, right? I found the best underwear. I think it's called Nikos. Someone gave it to me last night. Well, that's a plug. No names, please. These pants might go with the Basi shirt. [Like Navy pants, they have over a dozen buttons instead of a fly.] Not good clubwear. Certainly not quick enough to please me.

Your choice of underwear would have to be very discreet.

And always clean. Maybe these pants come with a catheter. Should I ask the shopgirl? [He raises his arm to call her and, wincing, puts it down.]

Just realized a colostomy bag wouldn't hurt?

No. I think I have a cracked rib, from too much fun the other night at Inflation, this super club in Melbourne. Melbourne has some of the best clubs in the world. Great people. Amazing clubs. Sydney has nothing. Boring as hell. Nice place if you're a surfer. Really pretty, like L.A. But very corrupt, Sydney. Everyone is always paying everyone off. That's why you can't afford to do a club there. It's like, in order to get a club license, all the other nightclub owners have to agree to your having a license. And four people control the voting on that. Melbourne now has a club called Razor that is so exciting. It used to an automobile club, especially popular during the '50s, where people used to talk about their cars, you know, with photos of Mini-Minors making hairpin turns around corners. Like a racing club, I guess, except for slower cars. Razor gets the best people.

[He picks up a pair of huge, get-lost-in-the-rain-forest-and-survive black shoes and delights.]

Many people have shoe fetishes. I guess it's around the world actually, not just with Imelda. I think people are probably just jealous of her because they secretly wanted so many pair. But these are big, like size big. Are Americans getting larger feet, or do they just want more room? I always notice shoes when I'm here.

There's almost like a $100 tax on shoes in Australia. Like a pair that will cost you $50 here will cost you almost $200 in Australia. A pair of Levi's cost $100. I never buy furniture in Australia, either, and I have an obsession with furniture the way Americans love shoes. It's a shame I don't have an obsession with homes, too, since I have no place to put all the furniture. I have it stored all over the world.

Let me get the Basi shirt, and then I want to buy records. I would get them later, but I just remembered I have a friend coming in tonight for only one night. He and his father are trying to get down to Nicaragua. They're helping Ortega keep the Contras back. Good luck. What's so weird about their going is that these guys are publishing magnates in England. Entrepreneurs. They should be serious Thatcherites, but they just hate Thatcher. Real lefties.

If everyone is so vocal of their dislike of her, how come she's so strong?

The British love her because they love to be miserable; they love to complain. Thatcher's become irrepressible. She's finally showing signs of faltering, except she's winning by default, because no one wants to put Kinnock in, either. It's like your Dan Quayle. What an alternative.

Are Australians political?

It's compulsory to vote, if you want to call that political. Frankly, nobody particularly gives a fuck. That doesn't mean Australians are not aware people. I think they know more about what's going on in the rest of the world than the average American, but that's because they have to compensate for being in the middle of nowhere. They're more concerned about international politics, about the environment. Every time the Americans come into Sydney harbor with their nuclear ships and submarines, there's always 5,000 people telling them to fuck off.

But the hell with domestic politics?

Do you know anything about our system? It's built on a bickering sort of war. The front page is always about politicos throwing shit at each other, spending more time insulting each other than governing.

Mind you, they are really very good at it. It's a fine Australian tradition of political insult. Listening to parliament is hilarious - “Shut up, you bastard!” - and that's our prime minister, Bob Hawke. He's in the Guinness Book of World Records for having drunk a yard of beer in record time. He is actually a brilliant leader, a Rhodes scholar at Oxford, and he has done a bloody good job, considering the apathy he's up against. What he should be real pleased about its restoring pride in being Australian, particularly after all that nonsense when the governor general dismissed Prime Minister Whitlam in 1975.

How was that possible without the consent of the Australian parliament?

We're still a colony. I think a lot of us were cynical after that. They felt like puppets. Probably had something to do with the CIA. The good old CIA. I'm in their files, I found out. That they should waste their time on me. I'm listed as subversive, for my lyrics to “Guns in the Sky” and because I once threw condoms out to the audience in Northern Australia.

How is that subversive?

The more north you get in Australia, the more it is like the South in America. The man who ran Queensland, one of the biggest states in Australia, was this guy, Joh Peterson, who was in power for over 20 years. Peterson was this sort of South African leftover who arrived in Australia, and he made things illegal, like sex education, abortion, condoms to minors – you couldn't have the vending machines in clubs. [You can now.] Well, I slandered him, and so I got taken to court, where he was thrown out of office from the corruption uncovered during the proceedings.

Did that make you a hero down there?

Say what, mate? This is Australia, remember. Our heroes are bushrangers, outlaws, and sporting stars. If you're an athlete, you can get away with anything.

[Hutchence purchases the Basi shirts, and then we head to Tower Records at the corner. A street person approaches us.]

is this the official mugging committee?

Street person: “Ooh, ooh, here they come in their limo, straight from Saks Fifth Avenue. Board of directors, how you doing, moneys, you big-time decision makers. Uh-oh, who's you? You must be a rock man. Stand aside for the rock man.”

They always pick on me.

“I want to give you something, man. Some humility. But there's only enough for one.”

I don't care for some, but humility is something we can spread around.

“Hey man, this is for seriously. You will love this humility. No side effects, no speed. Say yes, and I can be back in an hour.”

[We go through the revolving door and right to the rock section; within three minutes, Max Q is playing on the system.]

That's good, somebody knows it's out.

[Hutchence buys albums by Ciccone Youth, Camper Van Beethoven, Soul II Soul, Grace Jones, Shakespear's Sister, Jesus and Mary Chain, and Suicidal Tendencies. As he is paying for them, he spots a postcard stand that features a picture of him.]

Holy shit. When did they take this thing? What a bizarre likeness. I hardly know this guy. This is not an approved photo. [He gets the attention of a young lady behind the counter.] Excuse me, please, this is not an approved photo. It's a pirate. Do you know where you get these from?

Salesgirl: “No idea.”

Can you find out?

“Why, do you want to buy a lot of them?”

See, I told you no one recognizes me.

[We walk outside and the street person comes up to him again.]

Street person: “I know who you are.”

Who am I?

“You are someone who's gonna give me a lot of money.”

How much you want?

“Just give me one of those bills, thank you. Now I'm officially your biggest fan. Just tell me what you want to buy.”

I must be dressed for success.

[wynemolinapalad0823]

Life in Pandemic

Photo: Rowena Molina loses her job and fear for her family’s future as she tries to afloat “Online business” in the midst of pandemic, to earn money.

Photo: Students enroll because they do not want to be left behind, even the government is not yet fully ready to the new mode of learning in the Philippines.

Photo: Relation of the family gained closer and tight due to 1 year of quarantine in the Philippines.

Photo: Businesses, Malls, transportation, Street, turn unto ghost town due to strict implementing rule in Metro Manila, order by the Local Government Unit (LGU).

Photo: Pandemic cannot stop faith of Filipino, but with protocols and safety precautions due to Covid-19.

On the 15th day of March 2020, we slept in a peaceful evening and woke up in a very tight world. The only real reason that life matters is that we are all living pretty exceptional moments each time. Millions of us, around the world, are forced to remain at home, practicing social distancing, and I am curious how were my family, friends, and my countrymen are doing.

Suddenly I realized that “The City of fun” the Philippines ” is no longer fun, “Artificial Kingdoms” are out of magic, “Recreations were no longer fun”, now empty, and “Fictional Cities” does not light up anymore. All places are blocked, everything has closed from north to south. And, we have all been asked to stay indoors. Yet, most people are unaware and do not give importance to our current issue.

Malls, entertainments and out-of-town vacations have all gone for a toss, as we are finally learning to live without them. And until now, we are all stuck in our own homes. Even talking and hugging with loves ones personally became a weapon and an act of love in order for them to be safe. Our old routines have been disrupted and many of us have been separated from our workmates, friends, and loves ones. But the one thing that imprints on my mind on the situations we have is our own health, home and family that keeps us safe.

We finally learned that in this new world we have to create our own new environment. A good example are body builders who are used to go to the gym but now, they perform their physical activities inside their homes. Which they find happiness, appreciations and alternatives on the things that are available. We are all going through an unprecedented moment in history. Creating new routines at home is important to find joy within. Many events might have been cancelled but still we are able to move forward to it. What is happening outside our boundaries, is not controllable.

This pandemic brought us changes in many aspects of our life. To the economy, “empty streets”, living, and most people are losing their jobs and many of us are not prepared because we cannot even imagine that the world will be like this. Wearing masks and social distancing has disrupted social spontaneity. We lost the warmth in our social expressions, ‘’hugs’, ‘mano’ were forced to be self-confined and inhibited. We live in a different way depending on where you reside in the world, masks, and gloves may be commonplace. Queuing has become the norm, whether it's for medical appointments, shopping, or even getting into a lift.

With social distancing in effect and people donning masks and gloves, public transportation looks extremely different.

We do take when we hear somebody hack, wheeze, or sneeze. We've been adapted these previous few months to be hypervigilant for these manifestations, yet ideally this may likewise imply that better expectations of hand and individual cleanliness will continue. We’ll begin to occasion more in our own patios because of movement limitations, which must be something beneficial for nearby economies as they adapt to the decrease in abroad and highway vacationer numbers. Craving for something new for abroad colorful areas will likewise be on the ascent, and Instagram will almost certainly fuel those longing. The little things that make up our local area have changed. No more wiener sizzles at Bunnings, no local area sports, no waiting over early lunch with companions at the nearby bistro, and salons have shut because of the pandemic. We're trusting our neighborhood independent companies -our stylists, hairdressers, bistros, eateries, wellbeing experts, newsagents, stores - endure the opposite end (so make certain to help your nearby little business.

The bigger donning scene has additionally changed. Donning associations have stopped however are carefully looking at a return, and public and global meets are close to unthinkable limitations.

Quarantine, social distancing, is the main rule in the time of pandemic and because of that face to face learning are prohibited, so this is the time where I am battling in this day’s, it’s really hard to cope with online class, poor internet connection, and the most of us are battling with miscommunication, this issue is triumphant during online class, it’s like a domino effect starts with the poor internet connection, but we don’t have any choice but to battle it I don’t want to be left behind.

But this pandemic brought me to bond with my family. In the Philippines, we already fell into 1 year of lockdown and during these days waking up with your brother, sister, mother, father is the best part I did not imagine that we were going to bond like this, but still, it’s hard cause some of my relatives are struggling to have no jobs in midst of the pandemic.

After all, pandemics made me realize that the world and life are not just about living but it’s because of having faith in God, we can’t control our life, because someone has the authority and power over us, do good things while you’re here, no one will know when you’ll leave this world just a little droplet and you’ll get sick.

The situation around us leads to uncertainty. We do not know, and no one will ever know when will this end. The only thing that I am aware of is that we do not need to focus on the uncertainties but enjoy our life with our love ones. The world we live in today, taught us that everything that used to revolve around us can change in one tick of the clock. Everything will end one day and the day we are all ready to go out and take off our face mask. We will always remember what we have gone through, learned, and reflect during the hardships of our world. These pandemic changes the world, but the faith and hope of nation will still shine brighter than the virus, that the world is coping in these days.

[statichvm]

multiples of.... 4 for whoever you're feeling most 👀

apparently it’s world rat day

4.) - First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

No, not at all. Dwight was part of the group of dumbasses that Julie happened to stumble upon while she was first in Virginia. His gun was out of ammo, and the only other loaded weapon his group had was a pistol one of the others had dropped... that was... currently being trampled by a group of dead trying to claw their way up the truck they were standing on top of. It wasn’t a good look for them, and honestly Julie saw him (and the rest of his group) as an easy mark to grab some food and water off of. They clearly had some kind of home base, so she assisted in getting them out of trouble. His first impression of her was that she was... a feral woman who spawned out of the woods, albeit at a good time for him. His opinion of her was good enough to bring her back to the Sanctuary though, if not just to replace the man they lost in the scuffle.

8.) - What do the like best about their partner?

It feels pretty fucking ridiculous to type, but Julie loves how gentle he is with her. That’s not to say he’s a gentle man, but there’s something different about the way that he touches her versus the way (for a while, anyways) he approaches literally anything or anyone else. As they settle into their new lives post-Saviors, he does begin to soften towards more people, but there’s always a very specific gentleness he keeps reserved just for her.

On the other hand, Dwight admires Julie’s fierceness. It’s not her brutality or in any physical sense, but the way that she doesn’t allow anyone or anything to dim her fire. She knows who she is and what she’s worth, and it’s not something that she’s willing to compromise for anyone or anything. She’s never afraid to make her opinions known or to stand up for herself, even in situations where it may be easier for her to just stay quiet and stay down.

12.) - Is there a wedding? What was the proposal like? Any kind of honeymoon?

They actually do get married! It’s a very... rustic event at the Springs Camp. The trees were decorated with half broken Christmas lights someone had stashed in a camper since the beginning, and it was definitely a whole camp kinda ordeal, save for the people who had to work the walls. Julie got too drunk and fell off a picnic table after hopping up to dance. Ana had to stitch up a little cut on her forehead in the middle of the “reception” after being a few drinks in herself. 10/10 would do it again.

The proposal itself happened outside of camp at one of the spots Julie had taken to visiting when she was out on runs, out by a tiny waterfall. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for them to stop by that spot while they were out, so she didn’t see it coming at all. He didn’t actually have a ring when he decided to propose (though they found one by the time they actually got married) so he just kinda... did it empty handed and hoped she’d say yes anyways.

No honeymoon to speak of, unless you count the fact that they both got two whole days off after the wedding. Luxury... decadence...

16.) - Do they keep secrets? Lie? Cheat?

Oh yeah. Even with all his ‘subtle’ urging for her to walk away from Negan and the Saviors, Juliana genuinely had no clue that he’d double crossed them and was feeding information to Rick’s group until she actually saw him shooting at their people herself. It was... one of the most painful blows she’d ever taken in her entire life, but even after she makes it back to the Sanctuary, she makes the decision to not sell him out. She does hold a gun to him and more or less tell him to stay away from her or she will tell Negan when he shows up in her room after managing to make it back as a double agent, but she never actually does. Honestly, she’s not entirely sure if she could’ve.

Another secret is just the way they felt about each other. For all intents and purposes, they were friends at the Sanctuary. But after Sherry took off and things were ramping up, feelings definitely started to get mixed up and blurry, and by the time Julie agrees to help him go after Sherry, it... definitely was not something she should’ve agreed to if she honestly took her feelings into account at all. She assumed this was all one sided, which... he was also assuming the same thing. She’s helping him look for his wife, so there can’t be anything there, right? And of course his own confused feelings were just... the adrenaline from the war, and then being stuck with her every day for months, right?

20.) - What does their home look like? Their room?

They’ve lived in two different cabins since they got to the Springs. The first one was a tiny one room deal that basically had a bunk bed (yes Julie was top bunk), a desk, and a chair. It was a pretty cramped situation, and honestly was smaller than one of their rooms back at the Sanctuary, but the bigger cabins were reserved for families. When Julie gets pregnant with Jackson, they’re finally able to move into one of the bigger cabins (which... Bo comes pretty soon after, so they needed the room..). The settlement is actually based off a real campground in the real national park, so have an actual floor plan of their second place:

24.) - Any doubts about the relationship?

A million before they’re actually together. I touched on it a bit above, but they had a serious case of “haha of course... i am not in love... with my buddy... my pal...” and it takes approximately a million years for them to sort their shit out. Their romantic relationship more or less started on a trip looking for his runaway wife, so obviously there’s some confusion there just from that. I threw most of his FTWD arc out the window, but I am keeping the bit where he finds a letter from his wife that tells him to stop looking for her and to find “something to live for” instead. That really serves as a catalyst for him to start looking at his feelings for Julie as what they are instead of pushing them down and ignoring them. Once they’re actually together though? Nah. As soon as the cards are on the table, they’re both committed and sure.

28.) - What are their vacations like?

They’ve literally never gotten a real vacation, unless you count the times that neither of them happen to be pulling security shifts or going outside of camp that day. In no outbreak, they like to pull together all of like... twenty bucks they have to their name and go on little “road trips” to cities or towns neither of them have seen before.

32.) - Do they ever get into trouble? Is it serious, or are they just mischievous?

When they were both Saviors, they were, to put it lightly, fucking assholes. No matter what justifications they had for their actions, they were robbing and murdering people for their own selfish interests. Both of them managed to piss off people to the point of multiple people trying to actively kill them, so yeah they absolutely managed to get into some serious shit. Nowadays, they’re both actively trying to be better people and put that behind them. Julie’s not opposed to pranking people around camp, though. :(

36.) - What’s their greatest strength as a couple? Their weakness?

Answered here!

40.) - Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

I briefly mentioned it above when I was talking about the proposal, but they have a lot of little getaway spots they both frequent when they’re outside camp walls. They’re living in a national park that’s... absolutely fucking stunning, even with the literal zombie apocalypse raging around them, and Julie especially likes to explore and find new spots. She often laments not having a camera to photograph some of the landscape, but she does have a map of the park that she marks up with her favorite spots so they can go back together. His memory is a problem, so he eventually starts to do the same.

44.) - Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

Answered here!

[larryfanficwriter98]

Chapter Eight

Harry woke up the next morning drowsy and exhausted, but he grinned when he saw Louis still fast asleep beside him. Yesterday Louis and his friends had been in the pit at the show and after the show, they had hung out in the park then went back to Harry's and hung out. They got to know each other in person without a phone screen in the way. Around 10 they had all retired and not wanting to get made fun of or teased he took up big spoon rope since he was bigger than Louis. He was broader and taller so it meant Harry was the big spoon. Just like he had been with his ex a few years back. Harry looked at Louis, studied his sleeping features, and couldn't believe someone so cute and small had such a big personality. He also could remember his softer more childish features from years ago when they were teenagers.

He could still remember the way his whole body stopped working when he saw Louis. He had been 14, almost 15, and had just come out to his family a few days prior. Then there he was kissing and snogging for the first time with Louis in a closed-off hall after obviously flirting and staring on both sides. It was a perfect kiss too just like yesterday’s, well except it was a lot more awkward since Harry was 14 and never kissed anyone. No wonder Harry felt an instant connection to Louis, they felt an instant connection to each other. They had met so many times prior that Harry would believe in soulmates at this point.

Harry climbed out of bed after kissing Louis' cheek then walked into his closet. He grabbed some clothes for the day then headed to the bathroom to start his morning routine. Afterward, he headed downstairs and started on breakfast hoping he had his heart-shaped waffle iron here and didn't take it somewhere else. Finding it under his many many skillets he plugged it in then got to work on the waffle mix. Minutes later he was flipping the waffle iron to start the cooking when he felt arms wrap around his waist from behind and he grinned.

"Good morning Lou." Louis hummed as Harry turned in his arms and wrapped his arm around Louis' shoulders.

"I feel exhausted even though we slept for like...10 hours."

"That's the jet leg hitting you. You just need a bit of breakfast, some fresh air, and something to do to distract yourself from it. It'll go away in a few hours. Probably around 12."

"Damn and here I thought we missed the jet leg when we took a flight that would let us sleep to get adjusted to the time zone change."

"You beat the worst of it. That's always the best way to travel so you're able to sleep and wake up to the city's morning. I'm surprised you guys thought of it."

"Liam, Niall, and Zayn planned it." Louis told him as he sat on the countertop as Harry went to go get the bacon from the fridge.

"So what do you want to do today? There's Universal, Disney, a zoo, an aquarium, museums, there are a few beaches not far from Orlando. Or we can just stay here, I have an indoor and outdoor pool, a game room, tons of movies with a movie room in the basement. Tampa is only an hour and a half drive as well. How do you want to spend our first Valentine's day together?"

"How about we just explore the town and see what we find to do. You can take me to the places you go to when you're here."

"I actually don't stay in Orlando that much unless I have shows here. I  bought the house when I was 19 and was dating my ex. We went to Universal a lot together so much so that he convinced me it was a good idea to buy a house here. Of course, now I know it was because he needed somewhere to cheat on me that wasn't my LA home. For obvious reasons. If I wasn't in Manchester then I was in LA and he lived in LA so I stayed there a lot. Whenever he came to visit family or cheat I went home to visit my family."

"He made you buy a home in Orlando so he could cheat on you?" Louis asked

"Well, his reasoning was because we went to Universal so much because he liked it but yeah it was also to cheat."

"Did he tell you he cheated when you broke up?"

"No, actually I found out when I came to Orlando and walked inside my room to see him fucking a girl in my bed. I knew he was bisexual, but his reasoning was because I wasn't having sex with him even though we had been together for quite a long time actually. Also since it wasn't a guy he wasn't technically cheating."

"Please tell me you dumped him after that."

"Actually no. I stayed with him for another six months and in those six months I had been guilt tripped each time he was hard into giving him a hand or blow job. I broke up with him when he tried to talk me into having sex with him before I was ready. He had been pushing it for a month and this particular time he just wasn't taking no for an answer. I realized what he was doing. I told him to grab his stuff and leave." Harry told Louis who stared at him

"Who stayed with someone who cheated on you then was manipulated and talked into performing sexual acts because he didn't want to wank in a shower? What a dick head. I am- if someone has ever done that to one of my sisters I'd have murdered him. If he still alive because your sister is scary."

"She doesn't know what happened. Well, she knows it was because I wouldn't have sex with him, but not everything." Louis wrapped his arms and legs around Harry and pulled him in close to his body, Harry's hands falling to his hips smiling at him.

"Well just know that he was an asshole and a selfish prick and I never want you to feel obligated to do anything you don't want to. Because trust me I get hard pretty easily, but that doesn't mean I am going to pressure you in any way. I forced myself my first time, I wanted to get over with and I regretted it minutes later. I wasn't ready but I was 18 and I had convinced myself and forced myself to go through with it when I was drunk at the pub. It was in a dirty dingy bathroom with spit, water, and precum as lube, and never again will I trust a guy who said 'Relax I got this' with his hands down my pants. My dick and ass were sore for days because of the dryness. So trust me when I say if you ever feel ready with me I will be sure to make it very very special and memorable and you will be the most comfortable person ever. No matter what position we take."

"First..ew...that just sounds gross and horrible. If you ever spit on me I will sue you. I don't care what the reason is if you dare spit on me I will sue you. Do you understand." Louis laughed as he nodded, "Good. Secondly, I trust you and am comfortable with you more than I have been with anyone. I, unfortunately, came into fame as a virgin, and also my first boyfriend was a manipulative verbally abusive ass. So it's harder to trust anyone, believe me, there have been times when I've wanted to just get it over with too, but you don't know who to trust anymore. The media offers people money for a story, even if it's not true. I trust you though. I've always felt you to be trustworthy and honest. I'm not worried about you going off to any media outlet that offers you money, which is why I refused to make you sign an NDA when my lawyer and label wanted you to when we started face timing."

"I can sign an NDA-"

"No. I trust you. Besides if you were going to say anything you'd have done it by now. You have enough information to make a few million."

"Really? I don't have that much that isn't exactly common knowledge." Louis said

"You have enough." Harry said with a shrug as he moved to out a skillet on the stove to start the bacon as the waffle maker timer went off.

"Want my help?"

"Please tell him no. We would like it to be edible." Liam said as he and Zayn walked into the room with Niall following only moments later

"I got it. Go sit with your friends then after breakfast we'll leave for town. We'll explore together."

"Sounds good." Louis said, leaning over to press a kiss to Harry's cheek before  jumping down and sitting on a stool, "So what are you lads doing today?" Louis asked his mates

"Us three have a taxi coming in an hour so it can take us to a car rental since it was closed yesterday when we landed." Zayn said

"I have three cars in the garage you can drive. A 2013 Audi S8, a 2011 Mercedes SLK, and a 2011 range rover. Then my car that I'll be taking today is a 2015 Audi A5. My newer car that I bought for my 21st birthday."

"Are you sure you want them to drive? They're not the best-"

"Excuse you. Who has an accident here and who doesn't?" Liam said looking st Louis

"An accident that wasn't my fault. He hit me when I was parked."

"Still an accident." Liam said

"I'll put you guys on my insurance for the week, it's not that big of a deal. If anything happens it's not like I can't afford it. I hardly drive them anyway. I drive my new Audi and my new Range Rover all the time. I've sold most of my other ones and I've been meaning to sell these three. I just keep forgetting about them. The keys are up on the key hanger in the front entrance." Harry said with a shrug

"Are you sure?" Niall asked

"I'm positive. Rental cars are a pain in the ass don't even bother. They require so much and for international travelers like you guys it could take hours before you're approved. So just take one of mine."

~~~

After a wonderful breakfast of heart-shaped waffles and bacon for everyone Louis took a shower and got dressed in black skinnies and one of his graphic tees the boys gave him over the years. It has a graphic of a vanilla cone and on the shirt, it read "vanilla is for ice cream". Louis loved this shirt and didn't think much of it as he pulled it on then headed downstairs. The front door was opened and when Louis stepped outside he saw the garage was opened. He headed inside and saw all four shiny cars well taken care of and all of his mates in one of the three cars mentioned while Harry leaned against an Audi.

"Niall is going out on his own so he isn't third-wheeling anyone so I'm letting him pick the car first much to Zayn's disappointment."

"Niall can come with us."

"I offered, but I think he just wants to explore on his own. Is he ever away from you three?"

"Not really. Zayn and Liam have monthly date nights and they've been busy planning their wedding. So it's been very coupley at the house."

"The wedding is what..three months away now?"

"Yeah. May 14 to be exact. You're invited by the way, as my plus one if you want to come."

"They told me I was invited, they actually asked if I would sing their first dance song for them then I told them I can ask Ed himself to do it and they got excited. So remind me to call Ed in a few hours, I want to get him before he goes to sleep as it's only 5 in London."

"Sure so about 3?"

"Yeah, about 3 or 4. Around the time we end our exploration and go to the shops to get groceries for our romantic dinner tonight."

"Sounds good."

"Well, are we ready to go? The lad knows to lock up before they leave, they have the codes for the security box outside, and they have a house key. Also, they each have mine and my security team's number should they need anything. As well as copies of insurance cards."

"Already?"

"Paper temporary ones. You have one too in my glove box but figured since I'll be driving for now you won't need it right away."

"Then yeah I'm if you're ready." Harry pushed off from the car and opened the passenger side door letting Louis into the car before closing it once Louis was settled in the seat.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 119

Chapter Summary - Tom and Danielle go house hunting.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @wolfsmom1​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

‘What do you think?’ Tom asked as they pulled up to the house.

‘It’s a bit….big. What are we planning, a hundred and one dogs?’ Danielle looked at it. ‘It’s a bit fancy.’

‘Why not get something fancy if we are planning a home at all?’ Tom challenged.

‘Because I don’t want to have mortgage repayments of ten thousand pounds a month I suppose.’ Danielle commented in a bedpan tone. ‘I cannot afford to look at houses like this, Tom.’ She indicated to the house, how much is this even going for?’

‘Just shy of two.’

‘Two what?’ Tom did not look at her. ‘Million? Two million? Tom, what the hell are you thinking?’ She looked at him in shock.

‘That overall, this is a good house, it is big.’

‘I can see that.’ She looked at it again.

‘The front of it is like your parents.’ He pointed out. Danielle had to agree with him, it did. ‘Just look at it, please.’

‘Tom, I think it goes without saying, I cannot afford this.’ She stated. ‘I can’t.’

‘Please Elle, just take a look, we’ll talk more about that in a while.’

Danielle chewed her lip. ‘This is madness.’ she shook her head. ‘What made you even look at this?’

‘I want us to have a nice home.’

‘Nice does not have to equate to two fucking million.’ Danielle pointed out.

‘No, it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean it can’t either.’

‘Madness.’ Danielle shook her head as she got out of the car as the estate agent walked towards them.

Tom got out too and smiled. ‘Good afternoon, sorry for the delay.’

‘Not at all, was the drive out okay?’ He shook Tom’s hand. ‘Arthur Shrewsbury, by the way.’

‘Tom, and this is Danielle.’ He indicated to Danielle who had come up beside him, the estate agent shaking her hand too as she politely smiled at him. ‘The drive out was fine, bar the obvious delay we contacted you about.’ He smiled.

‘Well, let’s not delay any longer, I am sure you have a few places you wish to look at in the area, and we have a bit to go through here. It is a considerable 6,500 square foot property, and includes a car garage, several converted outhouses, a tennis court and a swimming pool.’ Tom refused to look at Danielle as she stared at him in disbelief. ‘It boasts six bedrooms, two studies, a living room, a dining room and a kitchen which of course, comes with all modern conveniences, but maintains a more classic look. It is, I should mention, a building that holds a Grade II restriction and cannot be altered externally in a manner that removes from the original design. That said, the roof does have solar panelling, though it is in accordance with the rules regarding its status.’

‘Wonderful.’ Tom smiled as he placed his hand on Danielle’s lower back, urging her inside.

Danielle, though slightly bothered, had to admit that the house was utterly divine. The house was beautifully done, beams exposed and airy. She could not believe the space it possessed as well as soon beautiful furniture.

‘What do you think?’ Tom asked, his eyes bright when the estate agent had left them to look around.

‘Six bedrooms? What would we ever need six bedrooms for?’

‘Mum, Sarah and Yakov, you and me, Emma and Jack, the Duchess, that is five rooms, Emma and Jack will probably have kids, not to mention, we might….’ He looked at her somewhat coyly, not wanting to make her feel like he was pressurizing her.

‘Planning for every eventuality?’ She smiled. ‘It’s huge, and so far from the city.’

‘I consider it a healthy distance from it.’ Danielle made a head gesture in agreement. ‘We don’t have to say yes, but I want us to look at homes like this.’

‘It is ridiculously expensive.’ Danielle commented. ‘I cannot afford half of this.’

‘Elle,’ Tom placed his arms around her. ‘Please, I know you are a very independent and proud woman, it is part of the reason I love you so much, you are strong, but if the reason we cannot get the perfect home for us, and I am not saying this is it, but in general, is because of your current income, I am going to insist on stepping in, because I can afford it, and I want us to be able to have exactly what we want, I think that if we are talking about making a home, it needs to be right.’

‘I would argue more, but considering the Ben and Sophie Hampstead debacle.’

‘Don’t even mention it. Honestly, it is over two years and they are still not in, he is withdrawing the application.’ Tom informed her.

Danielle looked out the window at the multitude of other buildings on the property. ‘That would not be an issue here.’

‘Definitely not.’

‘It’s too much, Tom. How would we ever even keep it clean?’

‘We’d need a cleaner.’ Tom agreed.

‘And a gardener.’ Danielle looked at the sheer amount of green area. ‘It’s a bit mad.’

The pair walked around the house more. When they came to the bedrooms, they stood in awe at the master bedroom. ‘Wow.’ Tom looked around the spacious room and en-suite. ‘This is bigger than I was expecting.’

‘That’s a bit of an understatement.’ Danielle agreed, looking around her. ‘It’s not very “farmhouse” here, is it?’

‘No.’ Tom opened a door. ‘I found a closet.’

‘I found another….wait this is….what is this?’

‘The nursery.’ Tom informed her, looking at the booklet in his hand. ‘It is smaller and off the main bedroom to ensure peace and tranquillity for any infants.’

‘Or a good room for people with weird sexual fetishes.’ Danielle stated calmly before looking at Tom and the pair laughed.

‘That too, I suppose.’ He grinned.

‘I love the name, by the way. Compton Bassett. This is not very Compton. Not the one N.W.A.rapped about anyway.’

Tom laughed again. ‘This is possibly the furthest thing from that Compton you could imagine.’

They looked around some more and assessed the house. ‘It is lovely.’

‘So you would consider it?’ Danielle made a non-committal noise. ‘What is bothering you, other than the price?’

‘The location from London, it is two hours each way, that is a serious amount of driving, I could go Dublin to Galway in two hours.’ She pointed out. ‘Also, I need to ask, but what is with a tennis court for one, we won’t be holding Wimbleton here next summer, and why, for the love of the divine Jesus, is there an outdoor pool, it is East England, it pisses rain three hundred and sixty days a year, the other five is a light mist. That is just madness to me.’

Tom laughed at her Irish turn of phrase and blatant exasperation at the idea of an outdoor swimming pool. ‘Think of the fun we could have in it?’ He winked at her.

‘What fun, your balls would ascend into your torso as a new pair of ovaries, the average temperature around here in summer is mid teens for fucks sake.’

He kissed her. ‘But is it along the lines of what you would like?’

‘I am a country mouse, I would be happy here, there is so much space, it is how I would want it if we have kids. Bobby and Mac would love it too, though I would insist on having some method of stopping them being able to get off the property, farmers tend to have a “shoot to kill” policy on wandering dogs near livestock.’

Tom paled as he looked at her in shock. ‘What?’

‘Farmers shoot straying dogs. You didn’t know this?’ Tom shook his head in horror. ‘Straying dogs chase livestock and can kill several ewes and lambs in a matter of minutes. It is legal for a farmer to shoot on sight, and rightly so. Honestly, people who don’t take control of their dogs need to stop this bullshit of “my dog is a sweetheart” I have seen the result of a “sweet” labrador left to its own devices, fourteen dead pregnant ewes, and several more wounded or with aborted lambs, two and a half thousand pounds old Irish money, that is about the same as here, maybe a little less, it was not pretty. The farmer was forced to sell a field as a result.’ She shook her head. ‘Dog was dead too, and it wasn’t a nice one, dad got him in, two rounds, but he was bleeding too badly, he suffered for about an hour after the shooting, so there were no winners. I don’t want that for our boys, they will be penned off outside or with us and no way to get into the farmland.’ She stated factually.

‘Yes, definitely.’ Tom agreed, shaken by what she had told him.

Seeing that he was still bothered, she put her hand in his and kissed him. ‘Did I upset you?’

‘No...I….I am not as strong stomached as you are.’

‘You never saw an animal give birth, did you?’ He grimaced and shook his head. ‘Oh boy, you need to toughen up. If they make a film adaptation of “All Creatures Great and Small” consider giving it a miss as a character. You shoving your hand up a mare to help pull out a foal would not do you any favours.’

‘Have you….?’

‘Shoved my hand up a cows or horses vagina, yes, several times. It’s all well and good until she shits on you.’

‘Jesus Christ.’ Tom felt nauseous.

‘Town mouse.’ Danielle laughed in return.

[elsabasson]

MAGA million march

What an experience! 

WASHINGTON DC: We crossed the Potomac River into Washington DC around 8 am after driving 12 + hours. All of us brimming with excitement, we decided to drive to the place and find parking as close as possible. Not a chance! Even Google didn't have any idea how many roads were completely closed off! Asking police officers, where we could find parking, they responded: There's a lot going on! Everything is closed! 

We saw groups of people walking with great big Trump flags so we asked them where they parked. That left us with a mile long walk just get to Freedom Plaza: the starting place. The wind was crisp but thankfully we had a sunny, open sky. Police guarded the perimeter of the blocked off area and we were met with several smiles as we crossed over and one officer wished us a good day.

ENORMOUS CROWD: About 3 hours early, we reached the crowd that had started to gather, and it already seemed really large. I used to attend a city wide church where crowds of 3000 to 4000 attended. This was already much bigger. We used to be involved with rallies that met in stadiums where numbers were in the tens of thousands. This already approached that, 3 hours before the event was to start, but people were still streaming in, yet they were at that stage spread-out enough for us to move around among the crowd. An enormous Trump flag was laid out on the ground in the middle of the square.  

FROM ALL OVER! It was just Wonderful to see the support for our president, from all ACROSS the country! I spoke to several people from Texas, one couple from Dallas and a group from San Antonio, as well as many more who came shorter distances. Several groups from Maryland were very happy to find each other there. Some people came all the way from California. 

ALL SORTS & TYPES: What a colorful variety of people, all united to support president Trump! I saw an American Indian Chief, complete with his feathered head gear. There were women of every size, color and shape, dressed in American flags and colors head to toe, and bearded, weather-beaten men parading less savory slogans about where the left should get off, as well as the clean-cut, young and old, sporting slogans, waving flags and wearing flags like capes. 

"The Proud Boys" showed up strong, strutting their stuff, and a group of "Gays for Trump", flags and all! I guess Ricky Rebel's crowd, because he was there too! I asked for a photo! There were "Black Lives for Trump" which I found interesting. 

Seems everyone was just so happy to be there and excited to find all the others there, united around the cause: make the elections fair and honest! 

THE PRESIDENT DROVE BY: Around 2 hours before the event was to start, a motorcade came by, everyone cheered and people claimed it was the president. Being on the ground, and with those masses i only saw the cars came by. 

SOUNDS: Many individuals walked around with their own personal megaphones, chanting - especially once we started moving out. Unfortunately no sound system was set up - suitable for a crowd of that size, therefore people back down the streets leading up to the square probably could not hear much. 

Around 12 noon, the crowd was thick and they again played "Proud to be American!" (it was played many times in the preceding 2 hours) This time all the people joined in singing - i guess the crowd joining in, helped the sound to be carried down the streets. Then a man's voice asked for everyone to remove their hats to show respect, and he prayed for the country and the president. 

Next, a woman sang the National Anthem acapella, and everyone joined in, standing in reverence, hand on the heart. Such a solemn and glorious moment! After that, a man led the ENTIRE CROWD in the pledge of allegiance - a magnificent declaration! 

THE WALK: Next, someone with a megaphone explained the route and some other technicalities. (which, I could not make sense of) That is when the people started moving out. We tried to hold on to one another but in vain. Thankfully, everyone in our family had at least a  semi-charged cell phone on them, and the boys stuck together with their sister, while my husband and i held onto each other.

PREPARATIONS: Flowing with the SEA of people down the eight-lane Pennsylvania Street, towards the Supreme Court,  seemed surreal. Apparently, in preparation for the march, ALL the businesses had been closed, their usual activities suspended and the people evacuated. (rather like an old Western movie, where the hero faces villains in a shootout on Main Street - “High Noon” -style, and everyone left town) 

But more than that, on ground level, all the windows and doors had been boarded up and EVERY movable thing cleared out! No sign of life anywhere! If it wasn't for the fact that we were surrounded by such a mass of people - in the middle of the street, it would have been eerily empty and quiet. 

NOISES:  In the crowd, people carrying megaphones called out their individual takes on the election issues to anyone and everyone. Some megaphone carriers stopped at various points on route, to stand on the side of the street and proclaim their doctrines about related causes: Alternative news networks and Abortion, among others. 

CHANTS: Megaphone carriers walking with the crowd broke out in chants regularly: "Stop the steal" or "U- S-A" also "Count those votes" and "We want Trump!" as well as "Fox News Sucks!" 

When we turned onto Constitution Avenue to go up towards Capital Hill, buildings no longer lined BOTH sides of the road. On one side stretched the lawns of Union Square and the Ulysses S. Grant  Memorial parks. A group of perhaps 20 people, wearing Antifa paraphernalia, had gathered there but police kept them 50 or more yards away from the marchers and yard sized metal gates had been erected on the sidewalk, to keep marchers on the street. 

At the sight of the police lining this part of the road, the entire group around us, started chanting: "Back the Blue, Back the Blue ....!" 

During part of our walk, we were near a group of Buddhist Monks, dressed in their garb and carrying a brass dome that they chimed once, upon entering every new street block. It seemed strangely out of place. However, they too, felt they had freedom under the Trump administration, that would be denied them under a Communist Biden rule. 

POLITE: My daughter commented that this was a particularly polite crowd, and i concur. She said that having attended several “Conn’s” this crowd did not push and shove. People constantly apologized if anyone was bumped or brushed by. When I said excuse me, in trying to pass, I was met with a smile and “...you’re good hun..” 

They were NOT mostly Christian or church people, yet all of them were respectful and polite, basically Conservatives, with conservative values. 

ON THE WAY OUT. We finally met up with our children again, at the Supreme Court, after the one and a half mile "march" and there were more speeches. However, here it was even more difficult to hear and we could not see who was talking. The organizers estimated there were 100,000 people and that was astonishing because it was called only 5 days earlier, and ALL the media networks blocked word about it from going out! 

Truly this was the result of a free independent grassroots communication system! 

We started making our way back to our car, around 2 pm, not waiting for activities to be finished off, and mainly because we were just DONE! As we drifted back to our car, we walked parallel to the road on which we had come. We looked across the great Union Square lawns and saw that the MAGA march crowd was STILL filling the ENTIRE width of Constitution Street, making their way up Capital Hill, towards the Supreme Court ! 

This was TWO HOURS AFTER the event had started! That makes me think there MUST have been many, many more people than they estimated! 

It was COMPLETELY peaceful and astonishingly LARGE! 

The motorcade drove past us again, as we continued back to our car and i heard later that was the president on way to the golf course. I do not know if ANYONE gave the president an honest or accurate account of this extraordinary show of support from ordinary working American people, who passionately voted and want president Trump in the White house at least for FOUR MORE YEARS!

Apart from the march showing Physically and undeniably to corrupt politicians, that we REFUSE to roll over and play dead and conservatives are a force to be reckoned with, I felt something shifted spiritually with the march! 

Praying for our President! 

[boseongkrp]

( the sibling, choi soobin, he/him ) — introducing HA HANEUL, the 21 year old JOURNALIST for boseong times & a paper boy, known around boseong as THE THESPIAN. the residents would describe him as finger prints on glasses, ingenuine smiles and ink-stained typewriters.

now loading his interview....

PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT YOURSELF.

" me? “ he scoffs quietly as he twists a piece of string inbetween his index finger and thumb. “ i thought this is about my sister, so why are we talking about myself all of a sudden? “ his tone of voice is unusual to his usual way of speaking– the plastered smile on his face was nowhere to be found and his eyes didn’t hold any emotion at all. usually he was quite good at maintaining his friendly image and thus everybody knew him as the kind boy next door who would never hurt a single fly. he was smiling all the time and only a small handful of people had ever seen him in a bad mood. haneul had successfully managed to make everyone around town believe they know him when in reality, everything was an act. a brilliant act, to say the least, and he definitely deserved an oscar for his lifetime performance. but it was just an act. and nobody really knew him and his real intentions in the end. he hoped the police officers weren’t suspecting him– it was harder than usual to act the way he always did. even though he was quite used to it by now, the new environment and the sudden interrogation was quite overwhelming. but it wasn’t something that he wasn’t going to master. ha haneul had never failed to deceive anyone. he wasn’t going to cave in now. “ well, okay. my name is ha haneul, i am twenty-one years old and i currently work for the boseong times .. i’d like to call myself a journalist but i also deliver the papers we print. we are seriously understaffed. " and there it was, the million dollar smile that captivated most everyone around town – the old ladies, especially. his face lit up like a christmas tree and his smile was so bright, it metaphorically illuminated the entire room. his entire demeanor changed from reserved and shy to friendly and outgoing in a matter of mere seconds which is exactly how he managed to wrap the officers around his finger in the span of a couple seconds. “ so,what else would you like to know about me, officer? ”

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK OF BOSEONG?

the question was followed by a long pause and it was evident that he was taking some time to fully consider the question. he hated the town and everything it stood for. he despised the people, the way they carried themselves and the way everything was everyone’s business. but he also loved it – how everyone was so easily manipulated and fooled and how everyone was willing to share everything with him just because they had known him for a while now. but he couldn’t say that. not now. “ it’s nice. ” his words were followed with a nod and he sucked his lips into his mouth for a few seconds before speaking again. “ i mean, i’ve never lived anywhere else. i was born here and i grew up here, boseong is all i know. everyone knows each other and people trust each other blindly. you wouldn’t see something like that in bigger cities, i think. ” which was why he was so successful in what he was doing in the first place. there was no way that his little spiel would have worked out if he lived anywhere else. it just really worked out in his favour. “ but all of my friends are here. everyone i know is here and i like the familiarity of it all. i know this town like the back of my hand and i also know every single face that lives here. well, even if i don’t know them per sé .. the chances of me having seen them before are quite high. it feels safe in a way. ” his lips curled into a smile once again. “ so, yeah. i like boseong, i think it’s a great place to live in. ” 

HAVE YOU EVER LEFT OR THOUGHT ABOUT LEAVING BOSEONG?

“ never. ” it seemed like even he was surprised by how quick the response left his mouth and he let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “ i wouldn’t want to leave my family on their own. especially now that i’m .. their only child. i mean to them i’m not, but you know what i mean. it’s been a few years now but i don’t think they will ever truly recover from what happened. and i feel responsible for them – i would like to care for them as long as i am able to. ” staying to take care of his parents was just a stupid excuse but it was highly believable to everyone else. even his own family bought it. thank god. “ i might leave boseong one day .. i’m only twenty-one after all. but it won’t happen anytime in the near future, that’s for sure. ” he wasn’t stupid. haneul knew exactly that nobody would even take their time to look at him if he decided to move away and the name he had made for himself in boseong would have been for nothing. it didn’t matter how annoying the town and the residents were, realistically, haneul would probably never leave. he had worked too long and too hard for what he had right now and he would never let it go to waste unless he absolutely had to leave for whatever reason. in a way, it was sad– the fact that he valued information so much that he was willing to give up his own happiness. or maybe gathering information about the people around him made him happier than life in a big city ever could.

WERE YOU CLOSE WITH HA EUNMI? WHAT WAS YOUR IMPRESSION OF HER?

“ we were siblings. and like any pair of siblings, there are good and bad times, i’d say. ” the smile on his face was subtle and it didn’t reach his eyes. he looked almost .. tired. like he was tired of speaking about the topic. and in a way, he was sick and tired of it. “ apparently we fought a lot when we were really young. and i remember stealing her diary when she was just hitting puberty – i would hide it under my bed and when my friends were over, we would read it together and laugh at the things she wrote about. it was mostly miscellaneous stuff that didn’t matter in the long run, but that’s just how teenage girls are, right? always getting worked up about nothing. yeah, she was like that. ” sighing quietly, he continued to play with the piece of string in his hands. “ but we weren’t all that close when she passed. we greeted each other when we saw each other at school and at home but we never .. went out of our way to do something together in private. i can’t remember the last real conversation i had with her that held any deeper meaning. i don’t think we ever had one of those, if i’m being completely honest. it was just .. a very distant relationship. i wonder if it had anything to do with me or the way we were brought up. maybe we just didn’t click. i don’t know. ” this was one of the rare occasions where he was actually telling the truth. even if he always believed that he didn’t have a heart .. he really didn’t have the heart to lie about his late big sister. there were some things even haneul wouldn’t do and making up lies about eunmi was one of those things. “ actually, i think it was my own fault because i never reached out to her and prefered to keep a distance. i thinik she didn’t want to get on my nerves so she never asked me to hang out either. in all honesty, i feel like i didn’t even know her that well .. there’s just so much i didn’t know about my own sister. it’s a little bit sad, don’t you think? ”

DO YOU HAVE A DARK SECRET THAT NO ONE KNOWS OF?

<   R E D A C T E D   >

[graciecatfamilyband]

No Memories But These

A/N: Just in time for @ouad-week, part 1 of your classic “Dmitry leaves Paris without uniting with Anya” AU. Dmitry is back in Paris again and it’s harder than he had hoped it would be. 

I would love to post one or two more (much) small(er and even less well edited) fic(let)s in this ‘verse this week, but I am at the mercy of physical forces beyond my control.   

The rusted key turned in the latch and the wooden door clicked open. Dmitry placed his suitcase—the same one he’d left Paris with the first time—in the doorway as he examined his new flat. It was one room, as expected. The walls were bare but clean. The floor could do with a sweeping. There was a table and a chair. And a real bathtub—so what if it was in the kitchen? No mold either. Not a complete shithole.

Dmitry crossed the room. The bed didn’t even hit the opposite wall when he pulled it down; he’d lived in smaller. The thinness of the mattress wouldn’t matter so much if he could get an extra blanket or two to put atop it. He could afford such extravagances these days.

To the right of the bed, a thirteen-by-thirteen centimeter window looked out onto bricks. Orange light slanted across the wall in spite of the closeness of the building next door and in apparent defiance of the laws of physics. Dmitry noted there was no shade. Another window—more of a grate with glass, really—still small by most standards, but the clear highlight of this room—opened at the ceiling. He guessed that, if he laid down and propped himself up, he would have a perfect view of the fading sunlight as it glinted off the gold cross rising from the Nevsky Cathedral. There’s certainly a sky tonight. Dmitry knew he should appreciate that, but somehow it made him ache.

The spareness of the room, though—that suited him. It was a relief from the whirlwind that was Paris. The boulangeries, cafes, galleries, street traffic, river traffic, and the spring blossoms had all crowded Dmitry as he’d made his way from the train station. The gas streetlights had come on at sunset to turn the city warm and fuzzy. It was entirely too much like it had been three years ago. It may have been to his taste then, but it wasn’t anymore.

Dmitry hauled his suitcase onto the bed and opened it. He was done aching. He had plenty to think about that wasn’t her. He started moving clothes into the small set of drawers in the corner. His two suits—he had two now!—needed ironing. He’d have to find a way to hang them up, too. A professional image was more important to maintain now than ever. (A bourgeois image, his father might have said, probably with some regret. But what was Dmitry supposed to do? For all its flaws, he liked his job. And it beat petty crime by a long shot.)

Yes, he had plenty of other things to think about, he reminded himself as he put his toothbrush by the kitchen sink. There was an ironing board by the bathtub, but where was an iron? He’d have to scrounge up some dinner as well. His coworkers had gone out for the evening—celebrating their new town and new raises—but he didn’t like to spend money he didn’t have yet.

It had been three years. He should be over it by now. He’d actually come out quite well from the whole thing. Not immediately richer, unless you count the first suit, but out of Russia—and no arrests. He’d landed this job, or rather, the job that got him this job. Worked his way up to something. He’d kept getting lucky; he’d made his own luck. He should be happy. And he had been happy, he’d told himself. Until this transfer.

When Melyukov had informed him the Russian Emigrant Children’s Association was moving its headquarters from Strasbourg to Paris, Dmitry had tried to refuse, to stay at the smaller branch they would be leaving behind. His boss had waived his objections away: “This little town is too small for you, Dmitry. You have a big city energy.” How could he tell Melyukov that if he’d wanted to be in Paris, he’d have been in Paris?

“We can do great things there!” Melyukov had assured him. "Much bigger than we can do here.”

And that’s how Melyukov had got him. Dmitry’s proposal. He knew it was good, and he knew his boss was right—as long as they were in Strasbourg, they wouldn’t have the infrastructure, human capitol, or opportunity for financial support to pull it off. If he wanted his plan to see the light of day, Paris was the answer. And if he wanted it to be done right, he had to go there with it. Damn.

And so against his better judgment, Dmitry had gritted his teeth and talked himself into the transfer. Paris was a city of almost three million people. It wasn’t like he moved in the same social circles she did. It would be a place like any other; all he had to do was focus on work and to keep his head down.

But the street car ride to the edge of the eighth arrondissement had proved that, for him, the city was still steeped in her. Dmitry didn’t want to remember walking down the Champs-Elysées with Anya on his arm. He didn’t want to remember wearing a suit for the first time in his life, Vlad scolding him for pulling at the collar that was closing around his throat, as they stood outside Chanel waiting for Anya. He especially didn’t want to remember Anya finally emerging in white or the way the dress gently hugged her figure and the fabric rustled at her knees. “Well?” she’d asked him. “Not bad,” he’d said—what an idiot he’d been.

In their new clothes, people smiled at them. Everyone assumed they belonged there and belonged with each other. Anya moved as if she had been born in that outfit and worn it her whole life. Restricted and fumbling as he felt, Dmitry didn’t care. He’d never seen such freedom as Paris. A stiff collar beat armed guards at every corner any day of the week.

And the bookstores! A person could just walk in and find anything. Dmitry had made Anya go into every one that passed that first day. No, not made—he’d simply asked, and she’d laughed and said, “Again?” But in a way that felt like she was laughing with him.

She hadn’t complained as he riffled through the shelves of yet another politique section, holding up titles for her to translate with her bafflingly fluent French. There were texts on Marxism, Capitalism, Anarchism, Liberalism, Conservatism, women’s suffrage, the labor movement, and so on. In Petersburg, just holding some of the books would be enough to get a person disappeared to a camp; selling them would get you shot on the spot. His father would have loved the bookstore, though Dmitry was sure he would have had plenty to say about the French government too. Nor had Anya commented when he had finally declared he was purchasing The Conquest of Bread in a language he didn’t speak, let alone read. She had simply touched his shoulder in a way that made him think she understood. Who could understand better than her?  

She’d been so free with her affection in those heady days: looping her elbow around his, squeezing his arm to get his attention or to silently signal her opinion, laughing against him. The line between them had felt so thin as they took in the Arc de Triomphe, the Tour Eiffel, endless jazz—which he’d liked—and even more paintings—which he hadn’t, except for the lilies. Seeing Paris, and seeing her seeing Paris.

At night, they’d gone dancing. Anya had arrived at and left the club with him, but it had seemed every man wanted to dance with her. Dmitry hadn’t pressed his claim; she could choose to dance with whoever she wanted. He had plenty of options himself. Still, all that practicing, and he hadn’t even gotten to dance with her. His dancing was bad anyway—he’d improved though. She’d improved him.

And finally, of course, there was the ballet. Anya—Anastasia, in that blue dress. Straightening his tie. Her left arm in his right, her free hand coming back to his bicep again and again. The way she had allowed him to slide his hand into hers after she had made confetti out of her playbill, and how tightly she had held on.

And then—Anastasia's hand on his chest, pushing him away from her. Accusing him of all the things he’d actually done. Telling him she hated him. He’d deserved it.

The last time he’d seen her, through the doorway of the hotel room, she had been home. Finally. That should be enough for him. But knowing that she hated him left him raw. He never wanted to see another ballet again as long as he lived.

[hazthediv]

Here’s to New Friendships

Hey guys! So I received this request like a year ago or something on my main blog but I wasn’t taking requests at the moment so I never wrote anything... but yeah hope you enjoy!

*The picture is not mine, I found it on google

Request:  Can you write a Harrison X reader? The reader is a new roommate to a friend of Harrison. He first meets the reader at a coffee shops where she introduces herself, because she's new in town. Later in the day he goes to his friends place unaware of that she's his new roommate. He starts to talk about her to him and she comes out of her room and listens to him talking about her with his back turned against her, you can continue from there. Thx!<3

Requested by: @my-unique-mind

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: An awkward meeting and some alcohol consumption

-

The rain’s splattering on the coffee shop’s windows was the most soothing thing you had experienced in the last few days. Moving to London had been a tough decision but so thrilling at the same time. You loved London. Everything about it: the people, the architecture, the life of the city… but you didn’t have much friends. Yet. You planned on making friends, lots of them. Where you came from you had been a loner with only two or three friends from work but that was over. It was time to open up to the world and make some real friendships. Not that fictional characters weren’t good friends but whatever…

Your name was called and you moved to get your coffee. The cup was warm, the cold in your fingers finally going away as you looked around the room to find an empty table. Only to realize there wasn’t any of them.

You began walking towards the door but when the rain doubled up you decided to wait until it calmed before going outside. You turned back around to search for a place, hoping maybe someone would be kind enough to let you sit with them. Your eyes landed on a handsome guy, about your age, who was sitting alone at a table for two, a laptop in front of him.

You took a deep breath, trying to find the courage to go sit next to the guy. That’s when his eyes looked up from his laptop and you could feel your heart stopping in your chest. Never in your life had you seen such a striking gaze.

You looked down to your coffee cup, taking a sip, trying to act as if you hadn’t been caught staring. When your gaze trailed back to the guy, you noticed he had resumed his attention on his laptop. It was now or never.

You hesitantly began walking towards his table, mentally rehearsing what you would tell him. Only to realize then that didn’t have a single clue as to what to say. But it was too late, you were now next to his table and he was looking up at you.

“Hey there”, he said, a smile softly spreading on his lips.

“Uh, hi”, you replied, blush creeping its way on your cheeks as you stuttered the rest of your sentence. “Do you… uh you… do you mind if I… I sit here?”

The guy raised his brows. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Can I sit here?” you asked, this time not stuttering. “There isn’t any other free place so…”

“Yeah, of course.”

He smiled as you nodded and sat down, resting your cup on the table. You took your phone from your pocket, hesitating between asking him his name or to just ignore him. You could feel his burning stare on you though, so you figured you should strike a conversation.

“So uh, what are you up to?” you enquired, looking up to meet his gaze.

He glanced at his computer. “Just reading the script of my new movie.”

Your eyes went round as you realized what that meant. “Oh! You’re an actor.”

The guy chuckled. “Well, yeah, I am.”

Your curiosity was piqued. “Have I seen you in something?”

The guy took a sip of his own drink, shaking his head no. “I doubt you did, I haven’t been in anything big yet.”

“Oh”, you let out. “But you’ve been cast in a new movie? That’s good news.”

“Yeah! It’s actually a bigger role for once, I’m really happy I got the part.”

“What is it?” you enquired, taking a sip of your coffee which was still a little too hot to be drunk but you didn’t mind the burning. It made you forget how his gaze was burning in yours right now.

“Unfortunately, I can’t talk about it”, the guy admitted.

“And yet you’re reading the script in a public space.”

He laughed, the sound sending shivers down your spine. An awkward silence grew between the two of you and you looked down at your coffee.

“So, new here?” he enquired.

You nodded, a chuckle falling from your lips. “What gave it away?”

“I recognize pretty much everyone that comes to this coffee shop”, the guy explained. “Didn’t recognize you.”

“Well, I moved here just a couple of days ago”, you said.

“Oh, you did! Where from?”

“Manchester.”                    

Another silence grew as both of you took sips from your coffees. The guy than spoke again.

“And what’s bringing you to London?”

You thought about it for a moment, not really knowing the answer. “I don’t know, I’ve always wanted to come to London and uh… I just decided to give it a shot.”

“You made a good decision, London’s fun”, the guy smiled. He glanced at his computer for a moment and then his gaze found yours again. “Actually, I have to go but it was really nice meeting you.”

Your heart sank a little in your chest as you watched him get up. “Uh, yeah, nice meeting you too.”

“I’ll see you around?” he asked as he put his laptop in his backpack.

“Of course”, you answered, your smile finding its way back on your lips.

“Lovely.”

You watched the guy leave, only realizing then that you hadn’t asked him what his name was. Crap.

You finished your coffee as you scrolled through your social media, the guy still on your mind. He was handsome, definitely really handsome, and you couldn’t believe that you had had the courage to actually speak to him. And he had said that he would see you around, so that was a good sign, right?

When your coffee was finished, you returned the cup to the barista and then made your way outside, where it still was raining but not as much as before. You watched your feet as you walked, shivering when a cold gush of wind caught in your hair. You were lucky the walk to your flat wasn’t a long one or else you’d have turned to a block of ice before getting there.

“Hey, I’m back!” you yelled from the hall as you took off your shoes.

Your roommate, Tuwaine, walked out of his room. “Took a shower in the streets, I see.”

“Shut up, T”, you laughed. “It’s raining.”

You moved to your room, knowing you had to change if you didn’t want to catch a cold.

“Hey, some mates are coming later tonight, we’re thinking about going clubbing, wanna come?” Tuwaine yelled from somewhere else in the flat.

That was the perfect occasion to make some friends. “Yeah, of course!” you yelled back.

If you were to go clubbing, you had to take a shower. You foraged through one of the boxes you hadn’t unpacked yet, knowing your “clubbing” clothes were in there somewhere. You found a pink crop-top with a low V-neck, your favourite actually, and a smile stretched your lips. This was going to be perfect.

You grabbed a pair of black leggings too and then went through your underwear box to find something somewhat sexy just in case you were to maybe meet someone special. You then made your way to the bathroom, taking a long warm shower to suppress the cold you had been feeling from walking in the rain. When you stepped out of the shower, you could hear some muffled talking from somewhere else in the flat, most likely from the living room.

You got dressed, walking the short distance to your room before putting some make-up on. You wanted to be your best self when you’d meet Tuwaine’s friends. Once you were done, you plugged in your phone so it’d be fully charged when you’d leave and you walked out of your room.

You made your way to the kitchen, the voices you had heard earlier becoming louder as you were closer to the living room. You could clearly hear what they were saying now. You warmed up some leftovers as you inadvertently listened to the conversation.

“So I was reading the script and I saw this girl standing alone”, a male voice said, somewhat familiar.

“Was she hot?” another familiar voice asked.

“Shut up, Tom, let Haz speak”, Tuwaine said.

“Sorry, sorry”, the second voice, probably Tom, replied.

“So”, the first voice resumed. “I didn’t really look at the girl but like not even a minute later she came up to me and asked if she could sit with me. It was kinda really awkward but we talked a little. She seemed nice but I had to go so I didn’t really get to talk to her a lot. It’s only when I left that I realized I didn’t even ask for...”

The beeping of the microwave brought you back to reality and you stopped listening to the conversation, taking the meal out of the microwave instead. You burned your hand on the plate so you put it down on the counter, rinsing your hand with cold water to make the stinging of the burn go away.

“Y/n!” Tuwaine’s voice yelled from the living room. “Come ‘ere.”

You noticed an opened beer pack on the table and you realized that Tuwaine and his mates had already begun drinking. You took a beer and grabbed the plate and a fork before making your way to the living room.

“I’m telling you, she was really pretty but…” the first voice was saying but he stopped when you walked in.

It was the guy from the coffee shop. And he had been talking about you. You stopped in your tracks, your mind going blank as your gaze got caught up in the guy’s gaze.

“So, this is Y/n, my new roommate”, Tuwaine said. “Y/n, this is Tom and uh, this is Haz.”

There was a moment of silence until you looked away from the guy from the coffee shop, Haz, to look at the other guy, who was none other than Spider-Man. Better known as Tom Holland.

“Hey guys”, you said as you felt your cheeks burning.

This was a lot to take in. You knew Tuwaine was friends with Tom and Haz, he had talked about them before. Never in a million years would you have thought that Tuwaine was going to invite you on a night out with them.

Your eyes trailed back to the guy from the coffee shop, who had a pink tint on his cheeks.

“Hey, Y/n”, he finally said. “Nice to actually know your name now.”

Tuwaine and Tom turned to look at Haz, their brows knit together.

“What did you just say?” Tom enquired.

“Wait”, Tuwaine said at the same time. “Y/n’s the girl from the coffee shop?” he asked.

Haz chuckled, nodding. “Didn’t know she was your roommate.”

“No way”, Tom said and he burst out laughing. “She probably heard everything you just said…”

Haz hit Tom on the arm as his cheeks turned a dark shade of red. “Shut up, you dickhead.”

The guys playfully started fighting and you sat down on the only empty couch, which was the loveseat your grand-parents had given you when they had learned that you were finally moving out of your parents’ house.

You started eating, your plate monopolizing your attention as you didn’t want to look up at the guys who were now talking about something else but you weren’t following the conversation at all.

You opened your beer, taking a sip and finally you were able to relax a little. You looked up from your plate to catch Haz’s gaze and your cheeks burned but you didn’t look away. You smiled gently and Haz smiled back as his own cheeks turned red.

Actually, you were happy that he was here. Because now you knew his name and you even were going to go out with him. Here’s to new friendships, right?

Later that night, somewhere between 1 and 2 am, you found yourself sitting alone next to Haz. The night had been fun, really, but Tuwaine had thrown up a little earlier and Tom and he had left to go to the bathroom and hadn’t come back yet.

“Didn’t expect to see you at Tuwaine’s”, Haz said, his pretty eyes finding yours.

“Me neither”, you laughed. “Was kinda startling to see you sitting in my living room.”

His laugh echoed in your ears, a sound so beautiful you made it your mission to make him laugh as much as possible.

“I was shook too”, he admitted. “You look great, by the way.”

You turned into a blushing mess as you looked down at the empty drink you had been holding for the last fifteen minutes. “Oh uh, thanks, you too actually.”

Haz chuckled. “Need a refill?”

You looked up at him and he was already looking at you and his eyes were so pretty and was he leaning to kiss you or was that just you?

Your eyes fluttered close as his face got closer to you and when his lips touched yours, it was like a firework had ignited in your heart. He cupped your cheek gently, kissing you softly. You kissed him back. His lips tasted of alcohol and of something sweeter, something like honey.

He deepened the kiss and you boldly bit at his bottom lips. He let out a soft grunt and suddenly, you became very aware of his hand on your thigh. When had it gotten there?

“Get a room”, Tom yelled as he came back from the bathroom to the sight of th two of you kissing.

You and Haz pulled away and you tried to catch your breath as Haz mumbled something about Tom being a div.

For the rest of the night, whenever you and Haz were alone your lips found his as he pulled you closer. Each time that gained you a snarky remark from Tom or Tuwaine but you didn’t mind, not one bit. Haz was the sweetest thing you had tasted in your whole life and you sure as hell weren’t going to stop.

Here’s to new friendships, right?

-

Hope you enjoyed! Leave some feedback or a request of your own here!

I’m going to start a taglist for the fics/requests I post on here so shoot me an ask if want to be on it! I’m tagging some people to make sure it doesn’t go unnoticed!

@h-osterfield | @stealth-spiderr | @hazhasmycoffee | @hazownsmyass | @the-quackson-claxon | @starksparker | @madmadmilk | @hollandroos

[jessekeyes12]

Developer Jesse Keyes turns unconventional into bold statement

If there was ever a case of a building perfectly mirroring its developer, it would be One Seventh and Jesse Keyes. Both are angular, ultra-chic, smart and aggressive. Both are also making their emphatic debut on the New York architecture and style worlds.

Built on a 45-degree angle at the juncture of four different streets where Seventh Ave. South meets Varick and Carmine Sts., One Seventh resembles a hulking helm of a slick, futuristic boat or space-age flying machine. Six stories tall with just four units, the corner building shaped in an angular prism has a façade of manganese ironspot brick and Solarban 80 double-paned glass.

 The side of the building on Seventh Ave. South that parallels the rush of autos making their way to Tribeca or the Holland Tunnel has bold racing stripes and competing slabs of vertical windows. On the mellower Carmine St., Juliet balconies face the local cafes, old-time Spanish restaurants and bootleg record stores. One Seventh blends seamlessly with its intersection and has gainied total community board support.

 "No developer would take a chance on this site, which was operated as a gas station since the 1920s and unused for almost a decade," says Keyes, 35, an investor in the swank Goldbar and a partner in La Esquina, one of New York's hippest eateries. "They said it was too small or that the shape wouldn't work. I saw it as an opportunity. We took design risks with this project that architects generally do with museums and public spaces."

 Designed by Rogers Marvel Architects, the same firm recently awarded the Governors Island commission, One Seventh is allegedly the world's first full-floor triangular residence. To make the project work financially, Keyes' development firm REcappartners worked with zoning attorneys Charles Rizzo & Associates to help get a variance to build higher than the allowed three floors. On top of the building, Keyes built a penthouse duplex with two outdoor terraces, both of which lean toward the corner angle.

"The question we had to answer was, how does one live in a triangle," says Keyes, who plays a hand in every design decision. "When I picture who is going to live here, I see an investment banker with an artist inside or an artist with a lot of money. I see the banker sitting totally naked in a chaise longue at the apex of the 45-degree angle, looking out at the cars driving down Seventh Ave., on the phone with his friends, thinking: 'How am I going to own this town tonight?'"

With hardly any marketing, they have two offers for the four units. One from a banker, the other from the son of a Spanish film producer. Prudential Douglas Elliman's Kevin King, a two-year agent who happens to be the long-time maitre d' at Balthazar, heads up sales. The three 1,371-square-foot, two-bedroom, two-bath apartments are listed for $1,995,000. The 2,106-square-foot, three-floor penthouse with 961 square feet of outdoor space costs $4.45 million.

"We're waiting till the units are completely finished until we formally sell the apartments," says King. "A finished product will show how unique this project is and assure we get what it's worth."

Jesse Keyes comes from both sides of the tracks. His parents were hippies. His mother, a lesbian, split from his father but stayed in Redwood City, Calif., supporting her two children as a gardener. As Jesse puts it, they lived on the "wrong side of the tracks." Ironically, she tended gardens near Jesse's father's estate in Woodside, Calif.

"Mom was a real hippie, and dad was a pseudo-hippie," says Keyes, who was called "Blanquito," or little white boy by his Pueblo Mexican barrio neighbors. "Half the time I was in my poor Mexican 'hood with my mom and the other half with a swimming pool, Mercedes, Porsches and horses with my dad."

Keyes talks openly about his desire but inability to communicate with his Spanish-speaking neighbors. He talks openly about almost everything, especially his drive to never stop learning or moving.

"There's a point where you grow up in suburbia that you say I'm either going to get stuck in this for the rest of my life or do something fascinating or interesting," he says. "I was visiting a friend in Mexico City when I was 17 years old. We were in his family's penthouse and I was looking over the slums of the city, whose people needed major help at the time. I thought to myself, we as capitalists need to do better for these people. It was then that I knew I needed to focus on this for the rest of my life."

For Keyes, that meant Princeton, a year in Spain to learn the language, a Fulbright Fellowship and a master's in architecture in Catalonia, a Kinne Fellowship in the Dominican Republic, a job with the prestigious Boston Consultant Group, a master's in real estate from Columbia University, a doctoral candidacy and teaching fellow at Rutgers University in Urban Planning, and roles in the Gore and Kerry presidential campaigns.

"My father is good friends with Gore from St. Albans," says Keyes, whose great-grandfather on his father's side was Democratic Senator Morris Sheppard from Texas who championed Prohibition and women's rights. "My goal was eventually to work in Housing and Urban Development [HUD]. After those two losses, I planned to teach and research through my 30s. But academia, especially in our current political climate, was not as fulfilling as I thought. Building strong architectural projects is a way to make my mark and some money. Eventually, I will get back into affordable housing and giving back in some way."

Keyes' next project is already a major coup for him and New York. Working with Habita, a Mexican group known globally for designing and operating some of the world's chicest boutique hotels, Keyes will open a Mexican-themed, mixed-use hotel and condo project in a location below Houston St. on the East Side. Mexican architect Enrique Norton, who designed One York on Canal St. in New York and the Guggenheim in Guatemala, is an equity partner in the project.

"I want to make a unique statement and be part of the next big place," says Keyes, whose groomed beard and middle-parted hair give him the look of Al Pacino in "Serpico." "You hope it doesn't become something like what happened in the Meatpacking District, which had little thought and planning and became oversaturated with the same product, bars and restaurants. There should be mixed use there. And the Hotel Gansevoort is a mistake. I don't know how they got that built."

Slightly controlling, obsessive about details, and intellectually strategic, Keyes even wrote the copy for the One Seventh marketing materials. (I haven't met a developer yet who does that.) He prefers to focus on one project at a time as opposed to stretching himself thin and losing touch with the day-to-day decisions that these high-design projects demand.

"Scalability will be hard because for each project I'm looking for a specific art and message," says Keyes. "In any case, when you get bigger you lose control over certain levers, and I don't want that to happen."

Still, according to Thaddeus Briner, the architect for One Seventh, formerly of Rogers Marvel (and I.M. Pei's firm) and now on his own, Keyes is a very good client. "This was a dream project," says Briner. "It combined a really challenging site with an extremely progressive client. Those don't come along very often."

Resource :   https://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/real-estate/developer-jesse-keyes-turns-unconventional-bold-statement-article-1.339485

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Christopher Wiacek

Happy Friday! How are you feeling this week? It doesn’t really feel like a Friday to us, since we’re home everyday and the kiddos are out of school, but we’re doing our best to celebrate it anyway with music and biscuits to start the weekend off right. Hope you’re doing the best you can, friend, and enjoy Christopher’s Feature Friday, where shares his perspective on life, loss, and realizing where he truly belongs. Check out what we mean below…

On his love for the Brits: I think my favorite place that I’ve ever traveled to would have to be London, England. I’ve been there twice, once in 2010 and the other in 2016. I’m a massive Harry Potter fan, so a lot of the second trip was based around seeing Cursed Child on the West End (which my friend and I bought tickets to before even buying flights/a place to stay). I’ve always found British things to be weirdly exotic to me, and the history behind much of the culture is what draws me to it. 

On growing up and a sense of longing: I grew up in the suburbs of Syracuse, NY.  Overall, Syracuse is actually relatively conservative, with the exception of the communities that I grew up with. I was a part of the theater community growing up, so most of the people I interacted with from a young age were pretty liberal overall, which translates to my views today. Most of my family and friends have all been super nurturing and supportive, with the exception of a few here and there. 

I went to a pretty large high school (there were over 3,000 kids overall and 900+ seniors in my graduating class!). It’s true what they say though- in this period of my life, high school seems like a million lifetimes in the past. I was a part of the chorus/theater crowd in high school. I had a few good friends, but ultimately never really felt like I was meant to stay in Syracuse for the rest of my life. I had that feeling from a young age, and I’ve always had my eyes on the big city. I fell in love with acting and the arts, and after graduating high school, I went to SUNY Fredonia, which I currently hold a Bachelor's in Fine Art in Acting. Once I graduated, I worked my way up the corporate latter at Wegmans (an amazing supermarket chain in the Northeast), and eventually got burned out by retail. Throughout all of this, I was auditioning, doing shows and trying to live out my best creative life while also paying those adult bills that seem to build up. 

On the importance of community: I think that growing up in Syracuse was very much a melting pot of many different environments for me. I was always extremely curious about everything during my childhood and had an intense imagination. That still is true today, although my imagination/curious nature has been a bit affected by reality. I also grew up doing competitive gymnastics, so I learned discipline at a young age from that. That was four nights a week during the year and on top of regular school. To round it out, I was raised Catholic, though I don’t really identify as a Catholic anymore. I think the importance of community was imbedded in me while growing up in multiple different ways. I always felt like I needed to be a part of something bigger than I was. Growing up with doing gymnastics, theater,  and other activities that kept me active really shaped me on who I am today. 

On one interesting fact: I am ambidextrous and use both my hands equally for daily tasks. My dad is the same way! Sometimes it can get a little annoying because I oftentimes have to stop and think for a split second which hand to use that will have a better result of what I am doing. It’s fun though because my mind works in weird ways where I’m not necessarily bound by one certain way of doing something. 

On what he loves about himself: My persistence. Over the past eight months, I’ve learned to love this part of myself even more than I ever have before. I think I inherit this from my parents, because of my ability to pick myself up off the ground and keep moving forward no matter what has been a driving force for me. I’ve had this drive for practically my whole life, in college getting papers/projects finished, in life, getting DIY projects completed, etc. Overall, the will to keep moving forward no matter what is one thing I really do love about myself. 

“I’ve learned though, that the people who truly love and care about you will stick by your side no matter who you love or who you’re attracted to. At the end of the day, all they care about is your happiness, and that’s how it should be.”

On what brings him joy: This answer has changed so much over the past few years. At first, it was acting/performing (which still brings me a lot of joy when I get to do it), then it was doing DIY projects (I love redoing furniture, building things and HGTV is my JAM).  But as I get older, the one thing that honestly brings me the most joy is my family. I absolutely love my parents and my siblings. We aren’t together as a whole too often, because we all live in different parts of the country currently, but when we are together, it's amazing. 

On coming out: This answer is a bit scary and muddled because I was out to my friends long before I told anyone else. I came out to my family though when I was 26, so not too long ago. I still lived at home at the time and was trying to save up to eventually get my own place. I told my sister first because from what I can even remember about this night, I was at my exes Formal event for his fraternity. I had messaged her and told her over a text,  and she was immediately non-judgmental. To bring it back, I had started seeing my now ex about 4 months earlier and started to feel the pressure to come out because I was getting tired of lying, sneaking and overall just not being truthful to people. I’m sure we all go through this at some point, but I was reaching a breaking point. My story is a bit of a cop-out, to be honest in my opinion. The story goes that I was driving the 45 min to Cornell’s campus to see the guy I had been dating. It was pretty late at night, probably around 11:30 pm, and I got pulled over for speeding. In short, I got a ticket in a small town that no one apart from the people I was going to see knew where I was. I started to get nervous because I was still on my parents' car insurance at the time. They would know eventually that I got a ticket because the bill would increase and they’d be notified etc etc. I decided to use the ticket as my way to do it, and beat them to the punch. I came home the next day and both my parents were in the kitchen. I basically told them that I had gotten a ticket, and they asked why I was in Dryden (the small town) at 11:30 pm on a weeknight. I told them I was seeing someone who went to Cornell, and when they asked who, I told them his name. The initial response was not what I expected…I think the stereotype is that your mom will take it better than your dad, but this is not the case with me. My mom didn’t take it so well, and my dad told me I could date whoever I wanted.  I was a bit surprised, but overall a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

On feeling more comfortable over time: My friends had all practically known for a while and were all pretty supportive when I told them. I was also in a relationship at the time too, so I at least had my now ex to turn to and didn’t really care what people thought anymore. My older brother and my younger sister were both actually really cool about it. My parents overall were okay with it in time, but at first, they didn’t really understand. It has taken a while for them to be comfortable with the fact, but I think just talking to them is what helped.  I also came out to one of my good friends in a text message, and his reply was one of the nicest and funniest things. I screen-shotted the message and still have it in my favorited photos on my phone. I don’t think I necessarily faced any harsh backlash, other than just feeling a little uncomfortable talking about all of that stuff with my parents.  On a daily basis, we basically have to come out every time we meet someone new. Luckily for me now, I live in the most liberal/accepting city ever (NYC!), so practically everyone is gay haha. I’m a lot more comfortable with everything now, and it honestly just took some time. 

On learning not to care what others think: I think during that whole process (which is still sort of an ongoing process for me), I’ve learned that other people's opinions just don’t matter at the end of the day. I’ve stopped caring so much about my appearance and how I was acting to “appease the people”, or adhere to the “straight norms” of society. I also have never been single and out until the last 8 months, so it’s been a bit lonely, scary and unnerving at times. I’ve learned though, that the people who truly love and care about you will stick by your side no matter who you love or who you’re attracted to. At the end of the day, all they care about is your happiness, and that’s how it should be. 

On his advice to LGBTQ+ youth: I would tell today’s LGBTQ youth that everything you hear about “it gets better” can be true. Understanding your own identity or feelings can be hard enough without all the fear and anxiety that comes with thinking that you won’t be accepted by the people you care most about. I totally get that, because I lived in that world so so long. It’s one of the reasons why I didn’t come out for so long.  It’s also important to realize that you’re not alone. It may feel that way, but there are amazing resources, organizations, and materials that positively represent the LGBTQ community that you can use to educate the people who care the most about you. If someone truly cares about you and your happiness, they shouldn’t care who you love at the end of the day. Love is love. It’s more important now that ever in our society to be really aware of all of the homophobia, transphobia, and prejudices that are out there, and fight for what you believe in. It may be super scary to come out, but once you do, there’s a magical world that will embrace you. You’ll have a glow-up and the weight of everything will finally start to ease.  

On taking it “one day at a time”: I think that this past summer, the trifecta of obstacles hit me at the same time. I lost my boyfriend, my home and my job, all in a matter of five days. Mind you, this was also in the midst of NYC World Pride. To go onto more detail, I had to find a new place to live because my roommate was not re-signing the lease and nor was I on the last apartment that we shared. It wasn’t a great living situation, and it became official at this time when the lease renewal papers arrived. On top of this, I was dumped by my now ex of almost three years, seemingly out of the blue, or at least it seemed that way to me. It was a massive upheaval in my life, seeing as though I was dumped right before World Pride, and all of our plans sort of blew up. The relationship was very codependent on both sides, so figuring out what I was to do next really threw me for a loop. I had to start my life over from rock bottom and navigate the world with practically an emotional hole blown through me. I was much closer to his family than he was to mine, mainly because of the distance. After trying to cope with this breakup that following weekend and taking a trip home to Syracuse to spend time with family/friends, I came back to NYC on Monday only to work a full day and then get laid off at 4:00 pm. I think at this point, I sort of shut down internally and the old Chris was so beaten down by everything that he was “past a point of no return” and sort of died inside. 

I had lost all of the main pillars of my life, and everything completely had fallen apart in such a short time period. To basically lose the group of people that I considered something like a second family was devastating. Once this happened, I decided to go home to my actual family in Syracuse for a few weeks to take a break from the city and recuperate. In this time, I mainly focused on my body and working out/trying to take care of myself and not fall even deeper into the abyss of it all. While away in Syracuse, I was officially broken up with via text message from the relationship. I had found also out my ex was on Grindr basically a day after dumping me (and from what I’ve found out since he had been on it multiple times during the course of our monogamous relationship too…).  

During this period, I basically started to have a mental breakdown, because I had no idea what to do next. On top of dealing with the normal everyday stresses of living in NYC, I was now having to deal with a really painful breakup, needing to find a place to live AND finding a new job. There were a lot of stressors nagging at me, mainly my source of income. To even find a new place, I had to first find a job that would make me financially stable and form some sort of budget. There were so many pieces of the puzzle that needed to be filled in, that it was honestly mind-boggling.  

It’s been about 8 months now since all of this happened, and it’s been a long and hard road. I had my “Britney” moment and shaved my head because I was sick of dealing with my hair (this actually turned out kind of cool and created a whole new look for myself). I went platinum around Thanksgiving and have kept it this way since. I also had applied to over 75 jobs over the course of the summer and went on countless interviews and phone interviews. I was super aggressive in job hunting and had finally procured a great job at a tech firm in the Financial District towards the end of September. As for the apartment woes, I couch crashed on some close college friends' couches for a few weeks. After that, I found a temporary cheap room in a tiny Brooklyn apartment that had no door, no closet (A challenge, I know, but I made it work!), and roommates I did not know. Money was tight, but I had to do what I had to do to survive in order to stay in the city. I now am living with two great friends in upper Manhattan in a really cute apartment that has a door AND a closet). So, life is looking up! 

For the relationship side of things… It’s been a long road of healing. I must have read every single self-help book in Barnes and Noble, in addition to seeking out the advice of friends and family to talk about it. I even wrote a letter to my ex’s mom. Being that I was pretty close with his family throughout the relationship, I thought it was a respectful thing to do to send a “thank you” letter for all of the things that they did for me while I was dating her son. To be completely honest, I thought I would have heard back with some sort of response or well wishes for the future. Instead, it’s been a cold turkey moment, and I never heard back… nor have I heard from anyone in that whole community that I spent the better part of three years with. I guess it goes to show you that the people who really care about you will reach out, and the ones that don’t care…. won't. Ultimately, I’ve never been out and single at the same time, so it’s been quite the turbulent journey that I’ve had to overcome. I’m still healing, but I’ve pretty much adhered to the “one day at a time” method. 

On his biggest inspiration: My biggest inspiration would have to be my parents. Both of them have persevered over the years in multiple different ways, and have always provided for my siblings and I. They have both faced extreme challenges, but have really set a great example for us growing up. I hope I get to be the type of parents they are to me to my future children. 

On looking ahead: I think in five years, I hope to still have a stable job, a beautiful home and a relationship that fosters into a family of my own. I think I mainly hope to just be happy, regardless of the financial situation I am in. 

On what really matters: Life comes at you fast, and you have to be ready to meet it with perseverance and grace. Otherwise, if you don’t, you can get easily eaten up along the way and lose yourself to the madness of it all.  Stay true to who you are, and trust in the universe that everything always happens for a reason. 

[archivistsrock]

I finally got to see Papi Chulo this weekend! I never thought the day would come! lol. I swear, it's been like a million years since it first was at TIFF.

Here’s the trailer for the movie:

General impressions: I really liked it! It was playing at a theater that was over an hour away from me, so I didn't want to ask any of my friends to go (they aren't Matt fans. I mean, that makes it sound like they don't like him, which isn't true...they're just not FANS). So I dragged my mom with me LOL. She's a trooper. Anyway, because I dragged my mom there, I was a little preoccupied the whole time wondering/worrying if she was bored. I really need to just go to Matt movies alone so I'm not focused on the enjoyment of the person I'm with. I worry too much.

But anyway, it was good! It was sweet and sad and funny. It was a little slow-paced, I would say. But not necessarily in a bad way. There are a few things that are revealed during the movie that makes things more impactful. I knew about them beforehand, bc I'm a slut for spoilers ha, but probs would have been more impactful if I hadn't known.

Matt is really good in it. I adore his character (Sean). He's just a really nice guy. Well-intentioned. Obvs has some flaws, but who doesn't? It's nice to have a movie where almost every scene features Matt. <3  Alejandro Pitino was also great in it. And Janet from The Good Place is also in it! lol.

To be honest, I don't really see it as a "buddy movie," which they seem to kind of be marketing it as. Mainly because the friendship is really one-sided. Ernesto maybe "gets along" with Sean, but I think it's a big stretch to say they're friends. The movie is much more about dealing with loss and loneliness than about friendship, and of the importance of real human interaction. By nature of Ernesto being an immigrant, the movies touches on some issues related to that, as well...but I don't see them as nearly the main focus.

I had kind of stopped reading reviews about the movie bc, tbh, I was just super annoyed that I couldn't see it. After viewing it, I went and read the more critical review on The Wrap [x]. And honestly? She's not wrong. I think some of her critiques are a wee bit harsh, but overall I can't really argue against most of her points. That said, I definitely don't think the movie is OFFENSIVE. But I do get the criticisms and why some people may not enjoy it. But I really did.

Okay, now I'm going to get really detailed and spoilery by request, so stop reading if you haven't seen it and don't like being spoiled! I warned you!

Okay, here's a run-down of the movie -- as detailed as I can get, considering I saw it 4 days ago and tbh my memory kind of sucks. It starts out with the clip we've all seen of Matt doing the weather forecast and having a breakdown on air.

Go to 6:35 to see that clip below:

He tries to claim it was "gastro" related, but obvs no one buys that. They force him to go home and take a leave of absence to figure things out and get better (istg they later refer to this as "gardening leave" and is that a thing in some places??? Like, you get leave to work on your garden?? OKAY I just looked it up and LOL it's just a term for someone still getting paid after they're suspended or on leave or terminated. It seems to be a British term. Must have come from the director, who's Irish. Or have other US-folks heard this term?). Anyway, back to the movie.

So he's at home. Nice house. Good view of LA. Lots of coyotes howling at night.  He's arranged to have a couple people come by to pick up this rare tree that's on his deck, that belonged to his ex-boyfriend, Carlos. He keeps calling Carlos and leaving voice messages. "Hey, just letting you know I'm getting rid of your tree." Etc. So they drag the tree away and we notice that when Carlos painted the deck, he didn't bother moving the tree, so there's a big unpainted circle in the middle of the deck. "Typical Carlos..." So Sean drives to the small hardware store to get supplies to fix this.

Outside the hardware store, there are a bunch of Latino immigrants/laborers hoping to get hired by people to do...home improvement/handy man stuff. Sean sees Ernesto and seems preoccupied/interested in him. Ernesto, as you know, is an older more burly Latino guy. Sean goes into the hardware store are talks to an employee about paint for his deck. "I just need a small amount to cover a little spot on the deck." "Aren't you going to paint the whole deck so it blends in?" "Haha, I see what you're trying to do there. No, just the tiny-ass sample can please."

So he gets home and starts painting in the circle, and it's painfully obvious he'll need to redo the whole deck, since all the rest of the paint has faded. So he drives back to the hardware store and is like, "Yeah, so I know I ignored your advice before. Sorry, I'm dumb." He buys more paint and a bigger brush. So he drives home with all his stuff, again passing the laborers and looking at Ernesto.

Once home, he checks his email and there's messages from his friends about how he's doing -- presumably since his break-up with Carlos. He's been avoiding his friends, and they're telling him he needs real human interaction and should talk to someone. He has kind of a light bulb moment and drives back to the hardware store and pulls up alongside the Latino laborers. He's like, "Hey, I need someone who can paint." A bunch of them are kind of in his face about it, wanting to be hired. Ernesto is just hanging back, quiet. Sean points to Ernesto and asks if he can paint. He's like "Yes. $20/hour." "Great!" (although Ernesto speaks little English and Sean speaks little Spanish, so it wasn't that easy). So Ernesto gets back in the car and they drive to Sean's house.

He kind of reminds me of me during this part, because he hired Ernesto to work for him, but when they're getting out of the car and Ernesto gets the bag of paint, Sean is like, "No, no! Let me get that!" They go back and forth a bit, but Ernesto ends up carrying it. Anyway, I always feel weird having people do things for me, even if I'm paying them. So he shows Ernesto the deck and we get the other scene we've seen before. The "more than one day" scene. "Mas que un dia."

Sean is all like, "Do you want water? Food? Are you okay?" etc. Ernesto is kind of amused but also just like...leave me alone and let me work. This is weird. I don't understand anything you're saying.

Sean goes and gets lunch and  brings it back and yells out to Ernesto, "Lunch!" Ernesto is like...okay. Time to eat, I guess. And sits down on the deck and takes something wrapped in tinfoil out of his bag. Sean is like, "No! Inside! I brought lunch for us!" And it's like this whole big spread. Some type of Asian cuisine. I can't remember which, but Ernesto picks up an eggroll and is like, "Taquito!" lol. You can tell Ernesto is a little uncomfortable with everything, but he's also just like...rolling with it. Okay, you're paying me. I guess we're eating lunch.

Then Sean convinces him to leave with him and they go to a park and Sean wants to go out in a rowboat. Sean wants to row, but Ernesto is like, "Yeah, I'm not going in there with you unless I row." So he ends up rowing. Please note, that all this "conversation" is not as smooth as I'm writing it! Ernesto really doesn't get much of anything Sean says. Anyway, Sean treats the rowboat ride like he's in therapy. He just starts spilling his feelings and issues out to Ernesto. Ernesto just nods like, "Yeah, okay." At one point, I think he does say something like, "I don't understand anything you're saying." Sean is like, "I feel so much better just saying this stuff out loud!" He falls asleep in the boat, and Ernesto calls his wife and is like, "GUESS WHERE I AM?? IN A FUCKING ROWBOAT WITH THIS GUY." His wife is like, "Ha! He's gay and he totally digs you." Ernesto is like,"Yeah, he's gay. But he doesn't like me. I'm old. I'm fat. Why would he like me?" His wife is all cute and is like, "I'm a woman. I know these things. He's into you." Then Sean wakes up so Ernesto hangs up the phone.

They get back to the pier and the rowboat operator guy says, "I like this whole "Driving Miss Daisy" situation you guys have going on!" Sean gets pissed and is like, "What do you mean?? We're friends. Why would you say it's like "Driving Miss Daisy"??" The operator guys gets all uncomfortable and is like..."Umm...because he's rowing you around....?" So Sean is pissed that the guy assumes he paid Ernesto to row him around. But also like...it's true. As much as Sean is annoyed that the man is making that assumption, they really aren't friends. The only reason they're there together is because Sean is paying Ernesto. So he then drops Ernesto back off at the hardware store at the end of the day and is like. "Tomorrow? Here at the hardware store?" "Okay." Then he pays him the money he owes him and they part ways.

I don't recall exactly the timeline here, but at various points throughout the movie, Sean is scrolling through Grindr, or whatever hook-up app it is he's using. He's also shown lying in bed at night and is tortured by the sound of coyotes howling.

He picks up Ernesto the next morning and is like, "We're hiking. Not painting." So he takes him to Runyon Canyon to hike. On the hike, Sean keeps talking talking talking and Ernesto is still like, "Okay, I have no idea what you're saying." At a scenic viewpoint, they're looking out at the city. Sean casually asks where Ernesto lives, and this kind of freaks Ernesto out. Like "Why do you want to know??" Sean's like, "Oh, I'm just curious!" Anyway, he points and says the general area (I can't remember which town/neighborhood it was). While they're standing there, one of Sean's friends sees them and comes over. He volunteers to take a pic of the two of them, and when he does, he says, "Cute couple!" Sean starts to correct him but then doesn't. Ernesto doesn't say anything, obviously. The friend then invites Sean to a party he's having the next evening. Sean does learn a little about Ernesto throughout the few days together. He learns he's married and has kids. He sees a pic of them. Honestly, that's about it.

Ernesto calls his wife from here and again is like, "Guess where the fuck I am now?? HIKING. Yeah, it's pretty." But he actually feels guilty for getting paid to go on hikes. His wife is like, "Whatever. He's paying you. Cool beans." Sean then takes Ernesto to a health market and wants him to try a shot of some gross health drink. He takes a sip and is like, "No. This is disgusting." Sean's like, "Yeah, you're right. It's horrid. But it's healthy and I'm drinking it bc it cost a shit ton." Oh, while Sean was buying the drink, one of the store employees went up to Carlos and handed him a bunch of boxes because he thought he worked there. He got him mixed up with another Latino guy working there. Awkward. White people are dumb.

Sean drives Ernesto back the hardware store and is like, "Okay, tomorrow. Meet you here. Also, we're going to a party later that night."

I don't remember the next day very well. I assume maybe Ernesto did some work? Not sure. Anyway, they then go to Sean's friend's party together. It a big party of all gay men. Ernesto gets kissed on the mouth (not in a sexual way) by one of Sean's friends. He obvs feels a little uncomfortable. Mostly bc he doesn't know any of them and I assume can't communicate with them. He doesn't seem to have a big issue with gay guys. Whenever Sean's friends see Ernesto, they're all like, "Oh, I get it." We later see Sean's phone contacts and a pic of his ex Carlos, and he is also an older, burlier Latino man. So clearly, Ernesto reminds Sean of Carlos. Now we understand his...obsession? Fixation? Attachment?

Ernesto calls his wife from the party is is kind of freaking out about it. "A MAN KISSED ME ON THE MOUTH." But his wife is like, "Dude, have fun." So he seems to have a decent time. Then they leave the party in a Lyft and there's a pretty great scene where Madonna's "Borderline" comes on the radio and Ernesto is like, "Hey, I know this song!" So they drunkenly sing it together in the back of the Lyft. The Lyft stops at the hardware store, and they're both sitting in the back of the car looking at each other. Sean looks a little confused as to why Ernesto is sitting there looking at him. He then leans in to kiss Ernesto, but Ernesto is like. "No! I'm waiting for my money." The Sean's like, "OMG yeah. Sorry." And he pays him and Ernesto gets out. Then the Lyft takes Sean home.

We then see Ernesto make his way home. He has to take a couple buses. He finally get home and we see his house and his wife. It's a pretty nice house. Normal, I mean. Not Sean-level nice. His wife is awesome. Ernesto is like, "Honey, you were right. I am irresistible." "I told you I knew!" Then they go to the bedroom to presumably have sex.

The next day, Sean drives to the hardware store but none of the Latino guys are out there. He's confused and asks someone driving by where all the men are, and the guy's like, "It's Labor Day, you fucking idiot." So Sean drives home. He gets drunk and ends up inviting a guy over from Grindr. He quickly gets in the shower (shower scene!), and ends up falling in the shower while holding a glass and cuts himself a bit. Then the doorbell rings so he gets out. He answers the door clothed, but wet. The hot guy is like, "You're wet." "I just showered." Sean invites the guy in and asks if he wants a drink. "Not at this hour." (early) "No, no...just like...water?" Sean turns to pour a glass of water and hot guy strips naked in the kitchen. Sean turns and sees him and is like, "HOLY SHIT!" and drops his glass. He goes down to pick up the glass, and pops back up all bloody. His head is cut, his hands are cut up. The naked guy is just like.."Are you okay?? Are you drunk?" And is kind of legit concerned for him. Sean is like, "No! I'm fine!" Naked guy is like, "Um, I got naked because I assumed we were going to...?" Sean is like, "Listen, can we just talk?" Naked guy puts his clothes on and is like, "You need to get your shit figured out. Only you can make yourself happy." Then he leaves.

At some point...today? Tomorrow? Yesterday? I don't know, but at some point he goes back to the news station to be like, "Hey! I'm ready to go back to work!" His boss shows him the video of his breakdown that's on youtube. AWKWARD. And they're like, "It's been 4 days. Leave." So he does.

He calls his ex Carlos to say...something. But instead of getting his voicemail, he gets a message saying that the number has been disconnected. He freaks out and calls someone and asks the lady on the phone why the number was disconnected. "Why wouldn't we disconnect it? Carlos has been dead for 6 months." :O So now we learn that Carlos isn't an ex...he actually died 6 months prior. So this is why Sean is having such a hard time. There's then these flashback scenes from previous moments in the movie. We see Sean in the rowboat talking, but he's alone. We see him hiking and talking to no one. At first I was like, "Did Sean make Ernesto up??" But no, that's not it. I think this was just supposed to represent that Sean was using Ernesto as a stand-in for Carlos. He felt so much better those two days talking to "Carlos," but Carlos wasn't really there. He was still alone. Ernesto isn't his lover, isn't his friend. Just a guy he hired. [I think? Anyone else have other interpretations of this?]

The next day he goes to pick up Ernesto and he's not there. He tries asking the other men where Ernesto is, and they're basically making fun of Sean. "Hey, I'll go on a boat with you!" Word has got out that Sean is having Ernesto do all this weird shit. I think Ernesto's wife was talking. Sean seems to frantically need Ernesto. He drives to the town where Ernesto said he lived (population of like 60,000) and just starts asking people if they know Ernesto. Some kid steals his phone and whacks him over the head with his skateboard. Sean goes into a bar and gets wasted. He then sees a guy go into the bar that he recognized as Ernesto's brother-in-law from a pic Ernesto showed him. So he follows him to a house, and there's a Quinceanera going on. I guess Ernesto's daughter?? But I didn't remember him having daughter that age, so I could be wrong. idk. Anyway, Sean drunkenly crashes the party. They dump him in one of the kids' bedrooms where he passes out. He wakes up later and slinks out.

Time has passed during the next scene, and Sean is back at work, but makes an announcement that this is his last weather report. He's leaving. We don't know where or for what. But we had learned earlier while he was talking away with Ernesto that he doesn't even like being a weatherman and he actually hates the weather in California. So it seems he's moving on. He seems much healthier. He write Ernesto a letter apologizing for crashing the party, saying how ashamed he is and that he was going through a tough time.

Sean's at home and the doorbell rings. He goes to the door and it's Ernesto's son (like 8 years old??). Ernesto comes out of the truck with painting supplies. The kid acts as an interpreter. They go up to the deck and Ernesto starts working. Sean is like, "You don't need to do this! Why are you finishing the deck?" Ernesto is like, "Because you sent me $200 with the letter." Sean is like, "No, not to finish the deck! For room and board!" He sent him the money as an apology for crashing the party and for them letting him sleep it off in their house and for some food they left out for him. Anyway, they start sanding the deck together (Sean is a terrible sander). Ernesto is like, "You're not paying me!" They laugh. Movies fades to black.