#i am saying all of this as someone who still reguarly reads and used to love vast error

[chorus-communities]

i have so many thoughts and opinions on vast error's (Dreadful) writing but the main 3 issues it suffers from are power creep, character immunity and shitty pacing. none of the "action" sequences feel like action. there is never any tension because you know they'll never kill any characters off in the way that homestuck abruptly did. There is no love for side characters the way there was in hs. it just fails completely as a homestuck fancomic, but it has nothing going for it that isn't taken from homestuck.

[amethysts-and-amarath]

😱 🔥 👻 ((:

😱 What experience did you have that convinced you magick is real?(I’m really sorry, but this question ended up being like an essay, but the story if still so important to me that I couldn’t just not explain it all.)

About 2 years ago, I was homeless. I had recently been outed as a gay man to my father, who disapproved and kicked me out. I slept rough, mainly on park benches and shop doorways. I used to create small flower arrangements from local wildflowers etc, and attempt to sell them on the street, for any price the person offered. It wasn’t successful, I got maybe 10p a week, but it was something. (It isn’t directly relevant, but there were also darker sides to my homelessness, I dabbled in prostitution, I woke up in the middle of the night once to teenagers beating me up which left me hospitalised, if you ever see someone homeless and do have spare change- please, please consider giving it to them if you can. Every little bit helps, it is a horrible way to live.)One day I was propositioned, a man who owned part of a communal farming lot (Basically a big area that was split up by the owner and sold as individual small lots, that people could rent to grow and farm things on) they asked me if I would like to use some of their lot to grow my own flowers/food. I agreed, and used all the money I had on purchasing various seeds. The man was rather oddly beautiful, and I’ve yet to ever meet him again. If by any slim chance you’re reading this, thank you. You changed my life forever. I cannot express how much gratitude I have for your kindness and I will always be in your debt.I had never gardened before, and my first few attempts failed miserably. But I carried on, trying and wishing for it to work. Around this same time, I had started regularly visiting a local library and reading up on witchcraft, spirits, and other topics. (I think I also casually borrowed their entire gardening section). I read the books whenever the sky was dry, when it wasn’t, they were kept in carrier bags in an attempt to keep them safe.Due to the nature of sleeping outside, I never slept very deeply. You’re always being woken by things. But I remember one night, I slept so deeply that I dreamt. I was almost floating, it was dark and I couldn’t see anything, but a calming male voice spoke to me, asking me various questions, and eventually telling me to water my garden with moon water. Unfortunately I never saw a face of the being asking me anything, though I am curious still to this day about if I was visiting by a being in my sleep. I did as such, collecting water when it rained in various containers I’d scavenged from bins, and left them under the moon’s care overnight. I would then water my garden with this, rather than my usual method of collecting water from a nearby lake. I did this for a few days.Only a week or so after the dream, I visit my garden and I’m completely shocked to find that a bunch of the plants I had planted there were fully grown- despite not being nearly that state the day before. I checked repeatedly, numerous times to ensure that this was my lot and I wasn’t just getting heavily confused. It had the right number signpost, it had the marks I’d made from spending nights sleeping beside it, but somehow the plants had grown overnight. I honestly still to this day do not know how to explain it.One of these plants was basil, which I’d been reading up on, and decided to try my hand at a little spell. I put a few leaves in my pockets, and carried it around with me always, in hopes it’d bring me prosperity. I also continued doing my flower selling, both with some home-grown and also wildflowers. It was my first spell, I created a circle and grounded myself before doing it, but was doubtful and didn’t expect much.Over the next few weeks, I sold a flower arrangement nearly every day, and almost every time the person gave me 50p or more. I think I’d earned around £20 in a month, just by selling wildflowers on the street as a homeless man. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen.I reguarly borrowed from a large lavender bush, and decided to look into changing my family situation, I would often spend 5 minutes meditating/wishing for my family to unite and accept me, a family photo and lavender sprigs in my hand.I did this once a week when I couldn’t sleep at night. About a month or so after? I sell an arrangement to a woman, who I then recognise as my mother. To cut a long story short, she told me that she had kicked my father out, apologised refusely, and asked me to come back home. I’ve now been living with her since then, and I am forever thankful for her, the man who gave me his garden, and the being, if it was one, that visited me in the night to give me advice. And of course, every single person who ever bought an arrangement from me. Thank you, I aim to repay all of your kindness by doing the same when I can.But in short, the first few spells I did when I was starting my journey with witchcraft and magick.  🔥 What element do you relate to/work with the most?I haven’t done much research into elements and elemental magick, it is an interesting subject that I want to look into more, though! At the minute, I would say I work with water the most. I use moon water a lot in my practice, from using charged water in washing my face, cooking, watering my plants and herbs. I also take ritual baths every sabbath which is an important event to me. However, I’m also very dependant on fire. I use candles and incense (which is arguably air, but-) often. From using coloured candles in spells to relaxing and meditating by candle light, I adore them. 👻 Have you ever had an experience with a spirit/been haunted?Not that I am aware of, unless you believe the ‘being’ as I refer to them since their form is unknown, was a spirit! :)Thank you for your ask, I’m sorry I wrote an essay for the first question!!!

[purplesurveys]

634

What's the song that makes you want to dance? I grew up from the 2000s to part of the 2010s, so I think I’d dance along to almost any dance bop that got put out during that period. Right now, the first songs that came to mind were Gaga’s Poker Face and Walk the Moon’s Shut Up and Dance. Have you ever called yourself a gangsta? I probably stupidly did when I was a kid. It was a popular term, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I used it to refer to myself. Do you use push pins or tape to keep things on your wall? I just use tape. I don’t have bulletin boards that have the brown material that would let me use push pins. How old do people guess you are? I reguarly get guesses between 17-20. So pretty close, and I also get to feel good because they think I’m younger than I actually am hahaha. Does it annoy you if they guess too high? I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a >21 guess.

Use any styling products in your hair? Nope, I just use good ol’ shampoo and conditioner. What is your favorite energy drink? I don’t take energy drinks. They smell scarily sweet and I don’t know what it can do to my body. Have you ever snuck out of your house? If I ever did, it was in the daytime and not done in a rebellious way at all. I remember when my younger school bus mates Yanna and Lex surprise-visited me at home for my 18th birthday, then they invited me to go out and walk to their houses so I did. That’s probably been the most sneaking out I’ve ever done. Describe your clock in the bedroom: I don’t have a clock in my bedroom because I’m already okay with my phone and laptop’s clocks. Do you chew on your cuticles (the skin under your nail)? I’ve never done that. I didn’t even know that was possible. Do you feel like you found your place in the world? I’m only 21, I’m still on my way there. I’m fitting in okay, though. What is your dream job? I have several. Astronaut, surgeon, veterinarian, and lawyer are the more notable ones. At one point I also wanted to be a psychologist, then I realized how much it would ask of me mentally, so I had to put that ~dream away. When did you last go to the bathroom? Around 15 minutes ago when I woke up from my nap. Where does the 'magic happen' in your house? I don’t know what this means, but based on context clues I’m going to assume this is referring to sex – and it’s a little disgusting to answer the question of where my family members have sex in the house :/ Do you have pens that don't work, but you still keep them? I have a G-Tec that I haven’t thrown away even though it’s so close to running out of ink. I keep planning on buying refills for it, but I always either am too far from a bookstore, or I entirely forget about needing refills when I’m already in or near a bookstore. What do you use your lotion for? Primarily, it’s for when my arms or legs are feeling dry. Sometimes, if there’s no perfume lying around, I’d put lotion on my face as well to mask the smell that comes along with drinking. Do you own some sort of MP3 player? No. I had a fake MP5 (but it was a cool fake product because it was able to store music, photos, and videos, and had a collection of vintage Nintendo games). Being fake, it didn’t have the best lifespan so shortly after my parents got me an iPod Nano, and I guess that counts as an MP3 player? If so, do you ever leave the house without it? If not, do you want one? We weren’t allowed to bring gadgets to school, so it was a while before I felt brave enough to sneak my Nano into the school bus and proceed to hide it all day while in school. When I got used to it, I brought it everyday. Is love a labor to you? It can sometimes feel a bit of a chore especially if we’re both being stubborn. If love was a labor, would you join a union? Ohhhhh...you mean THAT kind of labor...what the hell dude? Who are your friends? I have lots of them, but one thing that’s for sure is that my friends are either ones I’ve kept since high school, or friends I met during college. What do you consider a friend? I should be comfortable with them and our senses of humor must meet at least on a few points. It doesn’t have to be completely the same, but it would help if we had one or two things to laugh over together. Have you ever had your nails painted black? Yeah, as a teenager. I had each nail painted half-black and half-pink, because that was AJ Lee’s style back in like 2013 and it. was. huuuuuuuuge. I got a few stares in public and I do realize now how silly it must have been and looked like, but I was genuinely happy with how it turned out and comfortable enough to have worn that style of nail polish in public, which says a lot. Is your room messy? I didn’t make the bed earlier so yep, I’d say it’s messy.  What would you do if you were mugged on the street? Scream as loud as I can to attract attention. Have you ever done a Mad Libs? No.  Does a persons dominant hand actually affect the age they'll die? I doubt it. When is the last time you skinned your knee? More than a decade ago. This would happen to me almost everyday because I was a clumsy kid and would trip every single time I was allowed to play outside. Do you own a flashlight? Yeah, it doubles as a taser. Is there something in your bedroom you wouldn't want your grandma to see? There’s nothing too explicit, but there are some memorabilia pertaining to my relationship, and I don’t know yet if I’d want her to know about that. Have you ever heard someone label you? If you mean eavesdropping, then no. When is the last time you read "Green Eggs and Ham"? I don’t think I’ve ever even read it, or had it read to me. If it happened, I’m guessing it was also more than a decade ago. Define communist: Everybody does the same tasks, everybody gets the same necessities. At least that’s the gist I’ve gotten after four years of being in UP. Define republican: I’m not American and this isn’t a term used in Asia. But I do know I like this side much less than the Democrats. Would you rather see the opposite sex naked or dressed in a slammin outfit? Uh, dressed I guess. Is today your unbirthday? Sure. The most annoying thing about being human: The fact that I never asked to be here, lmfao. How many fans do you have in your house? Six. When is your next dentist appointment? I’m not sure, but my dentist told me I have to go back in a few weeks because he has to put fillings on the spot where I had my tooth extraction. Something important to you: My dog. If you had to choose a color to describe how you felt what would it be? Gray.

[thepointofthestory]

Pressure Release Valve

I’m starting this blog as a way to release some of the pressure I’m experiencing.  A journal to help me process what’s going on and deal with it.  I process verbally a lot, which is good, but I can’t afford a therapist right now so I’ve been leaning heavily on friends - and they’re amazing for listening to me, but, I just keep going over the same shit again and again and they have to be getting tired of me.  I can’t vent on Facebook anymore - because that’s just so fraught.  Anonymous venting onto Tumblr seems like it’s worth trying.   So, here we go - first real post.  This is some background about one of the topics that’s got me deeply wound.  

My father is an elderly man.  He is 71 years old with Type 2 Diabetes, Severely Reduced Kidney Function, and Moderate to Severe Sleep Apnea. 

A Quick Medical Overview about 15 years ago my dad was in a long term relationship with a woman and was living in her home.  During that period he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and, because he snores to wake the fucking devil, she made him do a sleep study and he was diagnosed with Moderate to Severe Sleep Apnea and given a CPAP machine.   About 4 years ago my father’s kidney’s failed.  He had a UTI and went in for a contrast dye test for some other issue, and, the combination of those things plus my dad’s unchecked Type 2 Diabeties (and very high blood sugar levels) made his kidney’s throw up their hands and go “Fuck it, we’re done!” 

He spent THREE FULL WEEKS in the hospital.  At first trying different treatments to see if they could “reboot” my dad’s Kidneys, then, after a day or two doing Dyalisis and getting his bloodwork stabalized.  Three full weeks.  And he nearly died.  

He was released to Hospice/Rehab care where they assessed his abilities and capabilities.  They recomended a walker.  Set up on-going out-patient Dyalisis treatments.  Literally helped him get back on his feet.  The Rehab center was wonderful and recomended that he move to a facility with nursing staff.  Not that he go into a “Home” or Hospice care, just... a place with medical staff on hand.  Someone to help him manage his diet and medications.  He refused.  Because he’s a grown man, see. 

THREE days later he called me at 2 am hysterical.  Utterly freaking out.  At the time I had a 5 month old baby and I was awake when he called because I was nursing my son.  But also I lived an hour and a half away from him and could not understand what he was saying or what was going on.  I was sleep deprived.  I hung up on him.  My sister ended up calling an ambulance to check on him, which was good, because his blood sugar had crashed out so low he was having a delustional episode.  

He went back to the hospital.  He got stabalized again and relased to go home within 48 hours, but, with the caveat that he take a Diabetes 2 education class.  I agreed to go with him to the classes - which were at a location close to his house.  So I drove an hour and a half to pick him up, sat through an hour of class, drove him home, made him fucking dinner and then drove an hour and a half back home with breasts that were, at that point, painfully full of milk - because there was no possible time to pump in that whole mess of activity. 

The course was 5 classes long, after the 4th class we got into an argument about how he couldn’t just eat McDonalds all the time anymore.  Because the class had focused on how fast food was an especially bad choice to make for Diabetics who have other health issues.  The teacher had specifically pulled up the nutritional information for a BASIC McDonalds Hamburger and talked about all the reasons why it was bad for blood sugar, even though - yes, there was a high protein count, there were all these added sugars.  Our argument began by me basically saying “Now that someone else has said it, will you please stop doing this?”  The argument ended when he OPENED THE PASSENGER DOOR OF THE CAR WHILE IT WAS IN MOTION AND THREATENED TO THROW HIMSELF OUT.

I had to pull the car over, get out, shove him back into the car (as he wasn’t able to right himself) while he hit me in the shoulders and threw a tantrum like a toddler about how all the women in his life have ever done is screw him over. I didn’t go to the 5th class.  I’m not sure if he did.  And I didn’t talk to him or deal with him for months. 

During those months my sisters (both younger) discovered that he was so deeply in debt that he was going have all his utilities shut off and to be evicted from his apartment if he was late on another payment.  So, they took over his finances.  Like, litterally took them over.  My youngest sister (who we’ll call Teri) is his Trustee for his social security payments, and, all his money goes into an account that she has access too but that he does not.  My middle sister (Who we’ll call Beth) now manages the day to day bill paying and distribution of the account, including putting money weekly onto a pre-paid debit card that my dad has access too for shopping and miscelaneous expenses. 

About six or nine months passed and things had evened out a little.  My father was coming out to see my son on a fairly regular basis.  I was ignoring him to the best of my ability.  Working. Raising my son.  Ignoring.   And then I got a call, while I was at work, from my father.  He needed to go to the ER, he said.  To schedule a surgery apointment.  Huh?  He had a wound on his big toe that wouldn’t heal.  This happens with Type 2 Diabetics, so it wasn’t a surprise. I was already aware of the wound and that he was seeing doctors about it.  He had assured me that he was taking care of the wound and he was having apointments reguarly to have it dressed and assessed, so, I hadn’t done any digging into it.  Apparently his doctor had recomended surgery and told him that he should go to the ER in the morning and get scheduled for a surgery apointment... which doesn’t make any sense at all.  That’s ... not how that works? 

So, I took a break at work and called Kaiser.  I spoke to someone who read me the visitation notes from the doctor.  Basically, the doctor had come to the conclusion that the tissue was damaged enough that it needed to be abraded and recomended that my father be transported to the hospital and admitted and scheduled for surgery that night.  My dad, who was STILL paying off the ambulance bills from his last two hospital stays refused to go.  He said he’d drive himself in the morning.  His doctor recomended against that and suggested that, if he didn’t want to be transported via ambulance he could get a family member to pick him up.  He refused.  The doctor made a note in the after visit information that this course of action could result in serious issues up to and including DEATH and that my father was refusing/leaving the office against medical advice. 

So.... I got a friend who drives Uber to pick my dad up at his apartment and take him to the closest ER.  I met them there.  There is a whole story associated with this pick up and my friend had to get his car detailed afterwards.  Whee. 

When I got to the ER they had my dad laid out in a hospital gown and had done some initial blood testing and my dad was waiting in a curtianed area.  His blood sugar was all out of whack.  He had an infection in his toe that threatened to spread to his blood - and if you don’t know, blood poisoning is fucking deadly.  They were running fluids and antibiotics via IV.   The toe was necrotic.  Unsaveable.  They needed to remove it ASAP.  It was a good thing I had gotten him in tonight, the doctor told me.  If he had waited until morning he might have fallen asleep and never woken up.  

They ended up removing his big toe from the first knuckle to the tip, and wrapping it up.  He went back to Hospice/Rehab and spent another 3 weeks learning how to use a cane to help him walk.  He was instructed to use the cane all the time, but especially while he was recovering from surgery.  He never used it, still doesn’t.  

Another six months pass.  It’s December now his toe has never healed from surgery.  Refusing to use the cane has put too much pressure on the toe and it won’t heal.  Being diabetic makes it important that he keep it clean and dry, but, he continues to stand up to pee ... and misses the toilet regularly.  So... he’s peeing on his open wound and not changing the bandage or cleaning the wound.  

And, so, there’s a need for a second surgery.  This time they take the whole toe.  And it’s back to rehab.  Again.  Where he ends up pushing for release early - and ends up getting authorized to go home on Christmas Eve.  This time he promises he’ll use his cane.  He does not.  

It’s been two years now without any catastropic injuries or events.  He’s mostly stabalized but his kidney function is in the 24% range (which is a failing grade on any test I can think of) but means that he doesn’t require regular Dyalisis.  His Diabetes is under control only with the help of medication, and his A1C is generally in the 6-7 range, which is boarderline and if it gets any worse will not be able to control it with the meds he’s on.  He’ll have to do insulin injections - this is an ineveitablity.  But he doesn’t test his blood sugar.  

He continues to ignore the dietary recomendations for both his Diabetic and Renal conditions.  He refuses to use his cane.   My father comes out to my house on Tuesdays to spend time with my son.  Mostly he naps in the chair in the living room and we feed him dinner, so at least he’s getting one good meal a week.  But, recenly, over the last three months he’s been falling more.  He shows up to my place with new visible scrapes and bruises every week.  He always wears slacks and a button up shirt, sometimes with a sweater.  So, the visible bruising is on his wrists, hands, and face.  In addition to that he *falls down* in front of me once every two weeks or so.  These falls are not little falls.  He trips, looses his balance and just CRUMPLES into a heap on the floor.  Usually face first.  Often he doesn’t even have time to put his hands out to slow his fall.  

Recently, I suggested we move his recliner so that it was out of the walk-way into his living room.  I have noticed that he often bumps into it or starts to stumble when walking through the narrow walk-way to get into his living room, because it’s in the way.  I suggested we move it to the other side of the coffee table, about 2 feet to the right.  And then, before he could protest, I said that if that meant he was too close to the TV, that we could then swap where his desk and TV sit, which would clear his desk chair out from in front of the entrance to the kitchen - removing another hazard.  

Keep in mind:  I DO THIS FOR A LIVING.  I am a personal organizer and I help reorganize and reorder people’s spaces for better work-life flow.  I am not simply making random suggestions.  I’ve thought about this for a while, and, it was a soft suggestion, not an order or an edict. 

But he flipped the fuck out on me.  He dug deep into the past to pull out some horrible bullshit he *did do me* as a kid and tried to weaponize it like it was shit I did to him.  It was dramatastic and awful, and, in hindsight probably an indication that his blood sugar is way off.  Because he was super irrational and kept saying he was shaking. 

I just get to sucked into his fucking tantrums and bullshit, because of a life-long dynamic of screaming fights and hysteria on his part.  I try.  I really do.  But I never recognize the possible low/high bloodsugar behavior until after the fact.  

[laughloji]

A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.

Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Air conditioned environment - Do

not

open Windows!

All computers wait at the same speed.

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Willyoupleasehelpmefixmykeyboard?Thespacebarisbroken!

All you need to know is the user interface.

Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.

Any program that runs right is obsolete.

A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

A program is never finished until the programmer dies.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

A user friendly computer first requires a friendly user.

A user will find any interface design intuitive...with enough practice.

Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic

Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat [Y/N]?

Be aware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers.

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression

Beta. Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it's released. Beta is Latin for "still doesn't work."

Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.

Cannot load Windows 95, Incorrect DOS Version.

COFFEE.EXE Missing---Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.

Computer programmers do it byte by byte.

Computer programmers don't byte, they nibble a bit.

Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.

Computers are like air-conditioners: both stop working, if you open windows.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.

Computers can never replace human stupidity.

Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.

Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Crashing is the only thing windows does quickly.

Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?

Disclaimer: Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.

Don't document the program; program the document.

Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.

Don't let the computer bugs bite!

DOS=HIGH? I knew it was on something!

DOS Tip: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Email returned to sender -- insufficient voltage.

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Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

Error:015: Unable to exit Windows. Try the door.

Error: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I...

Every bug you find is the last one.

Every time I type 'win', I loose ...

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven.

Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software.

.....File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

For any problem there is a solution that is simple, quick, and ultimately worse than the problem.

Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.

Hi, my name is Any Key. Please don't hit me!

Hiroshima..45........Tjernobil..86........Windows..95....

Hit any user to continue.

Home is where the computer is plugged in.

How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...

I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.

If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?

I finally made my stupid computer faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes free.

I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.

I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control!

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal it.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking.

It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit.

It's not a bug; it's an undocumented feature.

It works! Now if only I could remember what I did...

I wish life has a scroll back buffer.

Keyboard : Instrument used to enter errors into computer.

Keyboard not connected, press F1 to continue.

MACINTOSH stands for Most Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

Melted fruit snacks found on Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.

Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Never say "OOPS!" always say "Ah, Interesting!"

No matter how much data you add to your laptop, it will not get heavier.

Of course I know how to copy disks. Where's the xerox machine?

One person's error is another person's data.

One picture is worth 128K words.

Operator! Trace this call and tell me where I am.

Owners of digital watches: Your day's are numbered!

Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.

Press any key...no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....

Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN.

Programmer's Time-Space Continuum: Programmers continuously space the time.

RAM disk is NOT an installation procedure.

Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.

Scheduled Release Date: A carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting six months from it.

Shift to the left! Shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

Shutting down networkservers reguarly during worktime prevents RSI and develops social contacts at work.

Speed Kills! Use Windows.

System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.

The box said: 'install on Windows 95, NT 4.0 or better'. So I installed it on Linux.

The definition of an upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

The name is Baud......, James Baud.

The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

The Queue Principle: The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.

There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

There are only 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't."

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.

There were computers in Biblical times. Eve had an Apple.

These settings will have no effect until you restart the system.

Reset Universe (Y/N) ?

Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!

To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

User error: replace user and press any key to continue.

Warning, keyboard not found. Press Enter to continue.

What boots up must come down.

Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

Why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right?

Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?

Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty, (D)ance?

Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO something.

WINDOWS stands for Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.

Windows: the ultimate triumph of marketing over technology.

You are making progress if each mistake is a new one.

You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.

You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.

You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!

You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.