#i am so excited for this challenge and i can't wait for everyone's entries!!!

[roosterbruiser]

giving a life update bc it makes me feel better about myself feat. another face reveal

I think I'm gonna treat this like a sort of journal entry and include some cute pictures so this doesn't feel like an absolute dump :-)

so to begin here's a picture of my nephew (yes it's a dog)

I am so excited for all my upcoming projects. right now, my focus is on finishing CS all the way. after I finish CS, I think I'm gonna go ahead and come out w HOT TO GO! (BRB x Reader) and then start regularly posting VV and SS again. I think I have my October schedule pinned down (like everything that's coming out) and that is so exciting! I can't wait to share w y'all!

I'm a working girl now!! I nanny 4 days a week!! it's lovely!! just one baby who's only 1!! and the parents work from home so I never have to stay late or anything!! it has been a bit of a challenge getting used to the schedule (but I thrive with schedules!) so that's why I've been a bit absent on here!!

still trying to get my house set up....living room has come a loooooong way, but my bedroom is suffering! hoping to work on it here and there! but my main priority is getting back into my regularly scheduled writing!! the living room def isn't completely done (have to finish my gallery walls!) and I wish the walls weren't white, but we're renting so! I do what I must!

plus being back in the area I'm in now means I'm by my friends again so I've been Going Out And Socializing which is crazy!!! here's some pictures of me at a local brewery wearing the bolo necklace I got with @ohgodnotagainn in Colorado!!!

in all complete and utter seriousness, whenever I was coming out with a new chapter for my three stories every single week (and updating Landslide like every two days!) I was at my lowest point. I was like one nasty thought away from having a grippy sock vacation and holding onto anything that eased my Darkness--which was absolutely writing and sharing on here with everyone!

here's a pic of me when I was at one of my lowest points. I was in Chicago in the dead of winter with people I didn't know very well (it was still fun!) and had never felt more lost in my life. it also exactly coincided with my stories getting popular on here after my 200 follower celebration. like, I remember being on the train and checking my Tumblr every hour and always having 100+ notifications. I'll never forget how mind-boggling it was!! I went from 200 followers in early January to 2.8k now in late September. and I love you all SO much!!!

I'd like to think I look much happier now :-)

I kind of have a bf now and I'm sooooo embarrassed ab it. like. who breaks up with the person they thought they were gonna marry, gets back with their ex, and just stays w them??? me, I guess! no but I am actually happy. we're going to see CHAPPELL MF ROAN'S ALBUM RELEASE tomorrow and he's gonna wear a silk scarf and trim his mustache. I'm in love. like, actually in love. Alice Hoffman says, "Fall in love whenever you can." so I did!

the closest I'll give to a face reveal.....

anyway. I'm happy. the only thing I wanna work on right now is my health (simply MUST get into the hot girl mindset) and my writing!! everything else is gravy, baby!!

gonna try to answer asks / mentions / dm's this weekend!

[cookiesandbiscuits]

Cookie's 18th Birthday Bash Countdown Event

"Welcome, everyone! I hope you'll enjoy yourselves as we count the days until the very special day!"

As you all may know now, my birthday's coming up. A hundred days until the date to be exact. And this year is extra special because I'm turning 18!

I wanted to do something special to celebrate so I made this event ^^

Cookie's 18th Birthday Bash Countdown Event will be divided into two:

• Cookie's Writing Challenge, and

• Cookie's Doodle Challenge

For those who want to participate, here are the rules for Cookie's Writing Challenge:

- I made a list of prompts on my notes and every day, a prompt-of-the-day would be announced until the big day.

- Not necessarily birthday-related, participants will use the prompt-of-the-day to create a story using their OCs (or x Reader if you don't have one yet ^^).

- The participants can also use my OCs for their story for interaction (their character sheets are on my side blog @cookie-arts )

- Participants are not required to write for every prompt-of-the day announced.

- The participants can write entries for these fandoms:

> Obey Me!

> Twisted Wonderland

> Ikemen Vampire

- Please use the tag "Cookie's 18th Birthday Bash Writing Challenge" and/or tag me in the post.

- The stories created until the big day will be compiled in a compilation post for this event.

I am also participating so I'm excited to see everyone who'll take part in this challenge ^^

And for those who want to participate in Cookie's Doodle Challenge, here are the rules:

- Since the party's theme will be "picnic by the sea", participants will draw their OCs or F/Os in a beach outfit/picnic outfit.

- Participants can also use my OCs for this challenge, whether it's for interaction or fan art ^^

- For colored art, the party's color scheme is dark sea green, sage green, and buttermilk. Participants can use other colors with the colors stated above.

- Please use the tag "Cookie's 18th Birthday Bash Doodle Challenge" and/or tag me or my side blog @cookie-arts

- Like the writing challenge, the entries will be compiled in a compilation post for this event.

"Do you think a lot of guests will attend?"

"I hope so... I can't wait to see everyone on the big day!"

Tag list: @azulashengrottospiano @aqua-beam @identity-theft-101 @officialdaydreamer00 @amberheavendremurr @yourlocalgrass @cave-of-jade

[trishacollins]

WIP Ask Game

Thanks @ninadove for the mention.

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

My Body Is a Cage (Unposted as of yet, alternative ending to Season 5, DARK but not the usual suspect. Featuring Adrien/Lila, 23-year-old characters, recovery, and people actually telling Adrien things. (It's a shock, I know) Writing as a gift for Selkie!)

The Prince In the Tower (Zine entry)

Untitled Full Rewrite (It's Felix Centered, shhh. The biggest change is the fate of his Amok when Colt dies.)

Gathering - If I can just get the last few chapters to agree with me. I keep getting directed by new shiney things.

Follow up to Runaway Dogs (I'm just sort of letting this one happen.)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing:

Cage is a big challenge for me, but I have uniquely enjoyed writing it. I can't wait to share it. It's honestly been a lot of fun to mess with. As a bonus, I had to look up French real estate, and some of the flats were so PRETTY.

I am so excited about this zine, and everyone else's entries look so NEAT

Felix and Pollen wasn't a match-up I had ever considered before, but I'm sorta jiving with it in an extreme way. Nothing else is going his way in this fic, so I have to give him something.

MORDRED.

Adrien has nothing but time, spite, and spray paint.

[reidsaurora]

ofwilliamandwalter's birthday celebration challenge!!!

First of all, I just wanna say that I cannot believe that in a month's time, I will be entering the last year of my teen years. 18 has been rough (let's face it, most of my teen years were rough), but I'm so super excited for what 19 has in store for me!

That being said, I thought it would be fun for all of us to celebrate together! So, I came up with this challenge (it was inspired a little bit by @smurphyse's birthday challenge so shoutout there!) for all of us to celebrate! As always, I put my own lil Emmy twist on things and I'm super excited to see how it turns out!

So, Emmy, what's the challenge?

As you all know, I am lover of literature. I love reading any and every fanfic I can find on this app.

So, I'm challenging you guys to write something based on one (or more) of the prompts listed below!

The theme of course is:

BIRTHDAY 🥳🎉🥳🎉

Prompt Set #1 — One-Liners:

1. "I know it's not a cake, but it's the best I could do on such short notice."

2. "You've got frosting in your hair." or "You've got frosting on your face."

3. "What did you wish for?"

4. "Why didn't you tell anyone it was your birthday?"

5. "Hey... I brought you a slice of cake."

6. "Sorry if the decorations are a bit weird. They ran out of the ones we wanted to use."

7. "You look funny in a party hat."

8. "You have to make a wish when you blow out the candles!" - "My wish already came true—I have you in my life."

9. "I never cared for my birthday until I met you. Now each birthday reminds me of how grateful I am that we get to spend another year together."

10. "CELEBRATE ME! TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!" - "It's four in the morning." - "Yeah! I was born at four in the morning!"

Prompt Set #2 — Scenarios:

1. Person A is a grouch about their birthday so Person B decides to throw them a party with only their pet(s) present.

2. Person A got Person B's birthday wrong and spends the whole day pampering them. Person B finds it too adorable to say anything.

3. Person A has a crush on Person B for quite some time, so they take B's birthday as an opportunity to give them a present and show them that they care about them. B is surprised because they have never really noticed A before, but enjoys it all the more.

4. It's a tradition in the office that when it's someone's birthday, someone else brings a cake. Person A's birthday is coming up, and Person B finally sees their chance to make a move.

5. The party throwers made so much noise setting up the party that the police came before the person being surprised even arrived.

So, Emmy, what are the rules?

Anyone can join! No matter if you follow me or not, no matter if you're a writing account or not, no matter if you've ever even written a fic before. YOU CAN ALL JOIN!!!

All writing is allowed! There is no specific genre you have to stick to. Write what you love and we'll love it too!!

I like to keep things clean for the most part, but should you participate with a NSFW entry, please: HAVE YOUR AGE IN YOUR BIO OR YOUR PINNED POST!! I will not be sharing any NSFW entries from ageless blogs.

Please include a summary, what pairing it is, content warnings, word count, and what prompt(s) you chose.

Pairing must be one of the following: Criminal Minds character x reader, Criminal Minds character x character, Supernatural character x reader, Supernatural character x character, or Lesley Smith-Juniment x reader!!!

There is no limit to how many times you can enter! If you have multiple ideas for multiple different prompts, please send them all!

Please share with all your writer friends! The more, the merrier!

All entries must be tagged "#ofwilliamandwalter's birthday challenge" so I can find them! I would also prefer to be tagged in them just in case I cannot find them under the tag!

Challenge ends: one month from now, on my birthday — August 2nd, 2022

Again, I wanna thank you all for being such lovely people! I can't wait to see everyone's beautiful creations and I hope you'll consider participating! It would make this birthday girl extremely happy :)

Feel free to send any questions, comments, or concerns about the challenge in a DM! I'm always here to answer 🥰

↳ icon in collage by @scrapbookspence (full birthday icon pack coming soon!)

↳ other pictures featured in the collage are from pinterest. all rights go to the original owners.

↳ birthday dividers by @firefly-graphics

↳ tagging some of my moots who write!: @lunar-affection @rupurts-morgue03 @writer-in-theory @roguereid @fortheloveofwonderland @andiebeaword @samuel-de-champagne-problems @spookydrreid @arsonhotchner @foxy-eva @radiant-reid @one-sweet-gubler @lukeclvez @pretty-boys-book-club @letarasstuff @1234-angelika @wifeyreid @kbakery @sultrypotter @ellcsgreenaway @hotched @spencebunny @1967chevys @reidsbookclub

Prompts featured are from the following posts:

↳ "10 Birthday Prompts" by @youneedsomeprompts

↳ "Birthday Prompts 2021" by @seaside-writings

↳ "Birthday Prompts 🍰" by @creativepromptsforwriting

↳ "Birthday Prompts" by @mangoofthesea

↳ "Birthday Prompts!!" by @dialogue4urocs

[holden-caulfield]

Mere Acquaintances

main masterlist

SUMMARY: “Our siblings are in an arranged marriage and so we see each other at awkward social gatherings between our two kingdoms” AU

WARNINGS: there might be a swearword?

WORD COUNT: 1439

A/N: uhmmm this is my entry for @ladyvesuvia 's writing challenge... hope you like it (i suck at writing royal aus because i can't make it 'royal' lmao)

How exciting, you thought to yourself the first time your brother announced his betrothal to the daughter of the adjacent kingdom's king. You knew he was completely enthralled by her and you heard stories from your very own brother about how the two of them got along just perfectly.

You had never been favorable to arranged marriages, but, once you saw that sparkle in your brother's eyes, you couldn't have been happier for him.

How exciting, that was until you had to actually meet the princess. She was lovely, exactly what you wished for your brother, but her brother was a completely different story.

You had met him few times actually, just a few awkward encounters with the young man whenever you were both forced to attend your parents' gatherings.

To get along, they said. You tried your best to appear friendly and open, that much could not be said about Draco Malfoy, the royal pain in the ass.

He never once looked at you unless it was with an air of superiority. You exchanged three words in total since you met him and those three, brief words were "So, how-"

"No."

You decided not to conversate with him anymore, not that you cared; the man was so full of himself he probably did not need you to entertain him since he had his own company.

Royal parties were spent in silence: you made polite conversation whenever required, but didn't despise the quietness that created once you were left alone for it did help you ponder.

In those moments, your favoured object of interest was him. You were not watching him because you liked him, that be clear. You were analyzing him: he was arrogant, yes, but there must have been something more; no one can be that shallow.

He looked just like any prince should have looked like; regal. But with a touch of stiff excellence that made him always stand out. He looked displaced among his peers, almost as if deeply inside he wished not to be a part of it.

He looked just the same that day, blank expression on his elegant features, carried around with such poise you wondered why everyone's eyes weren't directed towards him.

He caught your eye, an action that made heat rise to your cheeks and that made your gaze quickly settle on something else. That something turned out to be the ballroom, full of couples dancing and cheerily talking with one another.

You noticed your brother, waltzing with her betrothed. He looked happy, genuinely happy; that smile was one you had not seen on his face since you were children and-

"Lady y/n." the sudden voice reaching your ears made you jump slightly, you were not expecting such a deep baritone to greet you.

You turned around to find him in front of you. You narrowed your eyes, unsure of the situation you had just witnessed, unsure of the reason why he had approached you.

"Would you join me for a dance?" you couldn't believe your ears, they must have been deceiving you.

His expression was the same as always, you couldn't decipher whether the proposal he had just made was truthful or just pure amusement for him to see the disheveled state his simple question had put you in.

He offered you his hand and your first instinct was obviously to refuse it, what kind of gentleman ignores someone all the time and then asks said them to dance out of the blue?

But there was something inside of you that wanted to dance with him, that wanted to take his sophisticated hand and let it guide you towards the ballroom.

"We shouldn't." you uttered and his hand fell promptly, an emotion unknown to you crossed his face but he quickly shrugged it off. "It's our siblings' ball, we shouldn't steal their spotlight."

"By dancing?" he asked, slightly chuckling.

"Yes, by dancing." you tried to sound convincing, but you could sense he had seen right through you.

You returned your gaze to the ballroom, a feeling of regret harbouring in your mind.

You felt him come closer, his body heat slowly engulfing you, but you refused to turn towards him.

"They won't mind, princess." his voice was low and enchanting as if he was performing some kind of magic spell upon you. And it was working.

"They will."

"They won't." he said offering his hand again, his lips breaths away from the shell of your ear and you felt chills running down your spine at the words spoken so closely in such a public space, under everyone's eyes. "They are too busy contemplating the happy couple to care about anything else."

You gave him a sideways glance; a terrible mistake because his eyes were now piercing yours, making it impossible to refuse the proposal.

You took his hand, entwining your fingers with his, and it felt so natural, so instinctive, as if it were an everyday procedure.

He led you among the other couples, the stares the two of you received were of no importance as he held your hand tightly in his, as if he was scared you could have regretted the action.

"Wait, wait! What are you doing?" you suddenly stopped, common sense finding its way back in your brain but it was not enough for you to leave his hand.

He furrowed his brows, creasing his ethereal face in question.

"Why now? Why are you suddenly so interested in me?" your face earnest, your eyes pleaded for any excuse.

But he remained silent, his icy stare penetrating your orbs with such intensity you felt your legs trembling slightly. His grip threatened to loosen but you held him, refusing to let him leave you alone like he had done countless times before.

"What are you doing?" you asked again.

He opened his mouth to reply, his hard look fell along with his feigned arrogance, letting a new face emerge: it was him but he was so different you could have easily mistaken him for someone else.

"I'm trying to be nice, we are supposed to get along... I didn't think it was this much of a deal, princess." he replied, the insolence rapidly coming back. He tried to let go of your hand but you were adamant; he would have given you a reason whether he wanted to or not.

"That's not it."

"Do you think you know everything, princess?" he kept on adding that last word with such spite, as if it was you who randomly decided to save him from the boredom of the royal ball with the excuse of a dance between mere acquaintances.

"I do think there is something you are not telling me, prince." he visibly stiffened but the corners of his mouth gave you the opposite impression, as if he finally felt at ease for the first time ever with you.

"You are wrong."

"Am i, prince?"

With speed similar to that of light, he took your waist in his grasp, still holding your hand with his own, your faces now embarrassingly close as you swayed on the dance floor.

You felt his chest rise up and down against yours but he refused to fully meet your eyes, instead searching for something in your face that he already deemed impossible to find.

"Am i?" you repeated, tentatively.

"No, no you're not." he spoke slowly but somehow hurriedly, as if he didn't want to let the words escape his mouth because once they were out it meant they would have been real, thus meaning his feelings couldn't be denied any longer.

"Then tell me. What are you doing?" your tone was soft and careful, but a touch of impulsiveness was still audible.

"We're dancing, aren't we?" he said smugly, his gaze focusing on the guests that were now watching the two of you very intently. "Maybe we shouldn't have, we are attracting a lot of attention."

You frantically turned your head to look at all the people watching but his firm grip returned you to his eyes. "Don't look at them, princess, look at me."

You couldn't describe it but all the days he had spent ignoring you vanished as he spoke to you so softly. But you needed an answer.

"Why are you doing this?" sincerity lacing your tone, he couldn't help but smile and sigh.

"I fancied you since the first moment, y/n, but i thought it would have been seen as inappropriate to get closer to my sister's fiancé's sister." you giggled lightly, rolling your eyes.

"It might be, but i'm glad you changed your mind, then."

taglist - @turn-to-page-394-please @gwlvr @dracosaccount @henqtic @dracomalfoys-wh0re @eunoniaa @oeuryale @wh0re4blaise @harmqnia @sanctimoniousslytherpuff @maybesandohnos @dracoswhore007 @paulina1998 @bungunz @malfoysbiitch @dreamy-clousds @malfoyxxdraco23 @saayanaaa @xlauren-malfoyx @riddleswh0r3crux @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts @elevatorsdoor @dracoscene @beforeoursunsets @bby-gxrnet @desiredmalfoy @marrymetheonott @o-rion-sta-r @justreadingficsdontmindme @mollysolo @cheriedraco @prettygirlkay @dlmmdl

[if your name is crossed out, check your privacy settings! if you don't want to be tagged anymore, tell me!]

[toozmanykids]

Am I allowed to do a Six Sentence Sunday on Friday??? Last week's that @myoxisbroken started got me so pumped up and inspired, and I'm so excited anticipating all these exciting works in progress that y'all teased us with!

Last week @just-the-hiddles had teased us with an OFC struggling to get the attention of our lovely Magnus Martinsson who was far too engrossed in his work to take notice of her efforts.

I have an idea! In fact my OFC may just steal your Magnus right from under your nose my dear @just-the-hiddles . You see, all of the "Sex Pollen" fics y'all have been churning out recently has gotten me fit to be tied! Holy fuck! Especially the one @frostbitten-written wrote. Blame it on the Pollen. OMG! I think that was the hottest "Sex Pollen" story I've ever read! And I have read a LOT these past two years.

So I couldn't resist getting distracted from what was supposed to be working on, and started a "Sex Pollen" fic of my own. I haven't named the OFC yet, but she encounters s beautiful Magnus Martinsson on her commute home one Friday evening. Here are my seven sentences from this WIP.

The moment she sat down, the vibrations of the train immediately caught the attention of her newly awakened inner slut. She slid her ass over a few inches to center her cunt directly on the hard metal hump that divided up the seats and purred from the heavenly stimulation. Subtly adjusting the pressure point with minute angle changes in her posture created the most pleasant feeling of warmth that began to extend up into her chest.

A whimper slipped out with each jolt that broke the gentle rumbling rhythm. A sneaky smile slipped onto her lips, yet she remained unaware of her expression, only focused inward, eyelids drooping closed, and anxiously waiting for the next flaw in the track.

She had completely forgotten about the few people still occupying this train car, including that devastating Mr. Angel-face who had a Masters Degree in Observation. His gaze hadn't left her since she sat down.

What do you think??

................

By the way, last week's Six Sentence Sunday gave excerpts of WIPs by some great authors who you will want to keep an eye on. I didn't get a chance to comment earlier, so I will now. And I beg you all to tag me!!! Please! Just add me to your whole enchilada tag list if your lists are still open?

@myoxisbroken teased her fic with a gif of Pine holding Jeb with a knife to her neck. Holy shit! Any fic inspired by that has got to be exciting! I can't wait to read your Jonathan Pine!!

@caffiend-queen teased us with the most evil gif of Chris Evans in a bright purple shirt that someone must have just painted onto him. I don't know what the hell he's actually doing in that gif, but the gif alone does freaky things to my... But the point of her participation was to tease the next chapter of It'll Be Good For You. This is a DELICIOUS entry in the "My Landlord is a Vampire" Challenge. SQUEAL!

@imanuglywombat teased us with delicious seductive thoughts for her Alpha/Omega WIP. *grrrrowl..... My interest is so piqued to read one with Danvers involved. Oh yes. *Wicked thirsty smile.

*SCREAMING WITH EXCITEMENT!!! Another chapter of Bottom of the Hourglass was in the works last Sunday by @nildespirandum . She teased us with six sentences of our brooding musical creature of the night getting swept away with his music. Good god, the images she conjured up in my mind left me mesmerized as well.*swoon.

@rauko-art is working on an Inuyasha fanfic with Sessoumaru!!! My kids and I just recently discovered Inuyasha this summer. It is a really fun anime set in medieval Japan filled to the brim with mythological gods and demons. The possibilities are endless. The show is so rich in story with beautifully developed characters. I highly recommend it for everyone. I CAN'T WAIT TO READ @rauko-art 's fan fic!!!

@mermaidxatxheart 's tease for her WIP hooks me immediately with one my biggest kink. The character wakes up thinking something is "integrally wrong." *SQUEAL!!! Blackouts or amnesia or losing time are a huge guilty pleasure of mine. I have no idea where this is going, but I definitely need to hop on for this ride! Please?

(Psst....Throw in gaslighting and a little bondage or trapped to go with that amnesia and you'll put me into a trance from being so turned on. I just wanted to put that out there on case anyone was looking for ideas. *Wink)

@pagesoflauren 's teaser has me bouncing in my seat needing to dive into this fic!! OH WOW!! I need to I find a link to this!! Please please tag me! Are you up on AO3?

@threeminutesoflife used a gorgeous gif from Knives Out (2019) of Ransom all stabby with the knives sculture in the background. Omg, the gif alone has me so on the edge of my seat! I can't wait to read this fic!

Some of these fics may be DARK fictions.

ALL links above are in blue.

ALWAYS READ THE TAGS!

Be a responsible reader!

I have been trying to get more organized with tag lists. I threw this list couple weeks below mostly just of people who l thought might be interested to hear when I actually get my butt in gear and post something or write something. Let me know if you want on or off any lists, my everything list, versus included dark fics that may have noncon/dubcon, versus Tom characters only, versus no RPF aka no Real!Tom, plus a list for heads up when i reblog @nildespirandum , bc she SUCKS at self promotion and y'all are missing out if you haven't read her works yet. She is aka Misreall in AO3.

@ladyoftheteaandblood @ladyfluff @bellesque @reine-sigyn @archy3001 @pedeka @lettalady @cursedcursingviking @just-the-hiddles @yespolkadotkitty @myoxisbroken @imanuglywombat @villainousshakespeare @wolfsmom1 @vodka-and-some-sass @boredbrooder @maniploki @fadingcoast @evieplease @fandom-and-feminism @writernotwaiting

@lokislastlove @myraiswack @petitefirecracker10 @littletime67 @memenerdlover @tehgvicious @scatteringlikelight @what-just-happened-bro @the-undecided-compass

[aemondtragaryen-archived]

Hi! *hugssss* hope you're having a great day! I saw your post for the Taylor Swift writing challenge and nggh it sounds so fun! Sadly, I only really know how to write oc x canon so I'm not able to join but I can't wait to read the entries! There are so many amazingly talented writers out there! 💙💙💙💙 *HUGSSS*

Hi!!! Thank you so much 🥺🥺 I can’t even begin to explain how excited I am to see what everyone writes! 🤍

[optimistic-dinosaur-nacho]

Tomorrow is up one of my entries for your 🎃 challenge! I can't wait for you (and everyone) to read it. I'm so excited 😅

Whaaat?? I am so excited!! I cannot wait to see how it turns out!!! I'm just as excited as you are!

[wanderbitesbybobbie]

2020, Please Slow Down. I Can't Keep Up.

I’ve been sick for three days because the past 72 hours had been rough. I was in a whirlwind of emotions the moment November 11 came into the picture. Today, I spent the whole day in bed, I’ve been trying to catch some quality rest. But, to those of you who knows about my disorder, you know I always have a hard time sleeping. My sleep schedule is just terrible. My stomach has been upset, I don’t know if it’s the food I ate, or because I am just too overwhelmed. I find it very challenging to keep pace with everything. I just had to shut my eyes and shut everything down for a while.

November 11 started like normal. That morning, I was on a phone call with a client and I was overly excited for closing a huge deal. As I tapped on the “End Call” button, one of my closest friends delivered a dreadful message. “Lee passed away.” I stared at my phone for a few seconds, blinked, and read the message again. Am I still asleep? Am I having a bad dream or what? I was stunned, in shock, in major disbelief. Quick flashbacks came to me and I started crying. What? This can’t be happening. I was just chatting with Lee about Ms. Universe a few weeks ago. We were just chatting about a certain stage play we both watched on YouTube. He was my seat mate in high school for the longest time and the first ever person who brought me and introduced me to Rockwell Mall. He was one of the few people I became close with as a high school transferee. I flew out of the country a few years after college, but despite the fact that we didn’t see each other much, we still remained friends and kept in touch until his last days. He was the type of person who would call and ask how I was when I was abroad. He sang me songs every time I felt down way back our high school days. We shared the same circle of friends. We laughed and worried about the same things… about pets, about animals, about theater arts, about traveling, about beauty pageants. Just a few months back, he posted his illness on Facebook and I told him to have faith. It was not alarming at that time, seeing his outlook and the way he composes himself. He was cheerful, positive, and full of life. Lee’s death was a huge blow for me and it was just hard to digest. My heart is still breaking. He played a big part of my youth, and those bubbly and fun memories will always remain.

November 11 wasn’t done. It was raining the whole day as if the skies were crying for Lee’s sudden demise. I drove to pick up Mom from the office and got stuck on the road for three hours. I watched through my wind shield as the wind blew off some ads on the billboards. The strong wind turned umbrellas upside down. It was frightening. It was draining. The moment we got home, I was too tired to cook and so I ordered whatever was convenient. The winds became stronger, and I knew that an enormous typhoon was about to hit Manila at that time. I prepared emergency lamps. I was at home when it happened. The winds started howling scarily and I was hearing glass windows shattering nearby. The lights flickered on and off until it finally blacked out. Everyone was anxious as NDRRMC (National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council) put Manila in an Emergency Alert Situation. Weather updates were somehow delayed and so I relied on an international weather bulletin. I was worried sick for my relatives down south, they haven’t even recovered from the previous typhoons yet. But then again, Typhoon Ulysses came underestimated. It caused havoc and great damage to thousands of people not just in Manila. The whole Luzon is weeping, crying for rescue as of this writing.

This was only one day. One of the longest days of 2020. This year, I can never say “Best Birthday ever!” or “Best Summer so far!” because the whole world spent most of those months in quarantine. 2020 is full of wrath and anger and danger as it started with bush fires in Australia, killing almost half the population of wildlife. 2020 came with the Amazon burning, with buildings blazing and collapsing in the Middle East, with great floods in Jakarta, with strong earth quakes and typhoons in the Pacific. Most of all with the horrid Covid pandemic that took a lot of innocent lives, that made our nurses and doctors cry of exhaustion, that made the great division between the rich and those in poverty, that made people from all over the world suffer in anxiety. The list of entries just doesn’t end. Every month, 2020 has another appalling entry.

As much as I would like to shed some positivity given our current situation, nothing seems to come clear to me. As I write this blog entry, my countrymen in Cagayan Region are drowning in floods caused by the Typhoon Ulysses and the overflowing of Magat Dam. Marikina and Rizal are drenched in mud. Some of my relatives in the Bicol Region have lost their homes from Typhoon Rolly. The bridges collapsed. Roads are not passable. Rescue is just so near, yet so far. It seems to me that as the days pass, we all recommence to brace ourselves. We don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel coming any time soon. We prepare. We succumb unwillingly to what else 2020 has left in store for us.

But then again, this is the sad reality. No matter how hard I try to make it sound less dramatic, it is what it is. I am the voice to many who find it difficult to take in every piece of what’s happening. It is overwhelming. Anxiety levels have gone up beyond normal. Fear of the future and of what’s gonna happen next is in the minds of many of us. The uncertainty that comes with the succession of dispiriting events linger amongst us. Many are jobless, thousands have lost their livelihoods, people are dying of hunger, frustration, exhaustion, and the worst part… is losing whatever you’ve worked hard for, whether it’s a career or a business or losing your loved ones as if life is a mere hair strand.

I am lucky, because even if I have a mental incapability of absorbing everything all at once, I have the resources to help me cope with it. I have medications to keep me calm, I have a psychiatrist monitoring my mental health, I have numerous outlets. I worry more not for myself, but for the people who do not have these resources. I would like to reach out to that minority, the people who suffer in silence, because of a society that dictates that Mental Health is something you’re supposed to suppress and get over with.

WAKE ME UP WHEN 2020 ENDS

I was excited to celebrate the New Year. I was excited for 2021. I’m just so done with 2020, that I wish to skip November and December and go straight to 2021. I WAS JUST SO THRILLED, but then again I have a Mental Disorder. My hopes would always be partnered with doubt. My anxiety asked me back, “What makes you think it gets better in 2021?” For a while, I held on to that thought. I was uneasy, I was upset, but the occurrences happening around us now are things and events that we have no control of. These are things that go beyond our power. What we can manage though is how we react to our circumstances. YOU CAN’T ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT GOES ON OUTSIDE, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CONTROL WHAT GOES ON INSIDE. Something at the back of my mind tells me that it gets better. THERE IS ALWAYS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. 2020 IS JUST A LONG TUNNEL. I took my schedule diary and begun writing my plans. This is it. Life doesn’t stop here. The world will keep on revolving and evolving. I figured, if I keep on dwelling about what has happened and what is currently happening, it will eat me up alive. Eventually, I’ll end up weak with depressive thoughts and severe anxious distress. Now, I am focusing more of what I can do in the future. What can I do to make living more meaningful? How can I extend my help to the people in need? How can I be a part of that change that I’ve always wanted to achieve? I have decided to choose which energy to feed. The positive or the negative.

LIFE was never a problem to be solved anyway. Through the loss of a friend, the fear of the future, the uncertainty that comes with everything, I have learned so many lessons in more ways than one. 2020 may not be the best, but it was a whole year full of life lessons. It was like a movie, a series of unfortunate events, we just can’t wait to see how it’s gonna end. Maybe it was meant to teach us something. Maybe, this is God’s way of showing us His handbook about living life. Faith is what keeps us strong. According to Murphy’s Law, “whatever can go wrong, will go wrong.” Whatever that’s going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not. The choice is ours.

Lastly, we are not alone. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! These may be the darkest days of our lives. I know it’s terrifying, but sometimes the unfortunate things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the most wonderful things that will ever happen to us. Keep up the faith and keep on praying! We may not understand everything now, but everything is planned according to God’s will. The Lord is watching.

Be contented with what we have now, cherish the people we spend our lives with. Because our lives are only borrowed, it was never ours to keep.

To you reading this… I AM WITH YOU THROUGH PRAYERS.

NOTHING IS PERMANENT IN THIS WICKED WORLD-NOT EVEN OUR TROUBLES

-Charlie Chaplin

When things happen that I can’t control, I feel powerless. I long to follow God’s plan, but how can I when all I see is vastness surrounding me? There’s no paved road pointing the way and no one there to offer a helpful word of advice. (Genesis 21:14).

Emptiness can be scary. It reveals our insecurities, telling us we are alone and validating our fears. But with God, emptiness doesn’t equal loneliness. During those times when we don’t have a clue which direction to go, we can let the stillness push away all distractions so we sense God’s presence more than ever. He will calm our anxious thoughts and give us the direction we seek. “Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or to the left,” (Isaiah 30:21).

When hardships come, it’s easy for me to slip back into my familiar pattern of what-ifs. “What if it doesn’t work out? What if God doesn’t answer my prayer?” My need to know the outcome takes over. I come face to face with the unknown, and I panic. I forget that God’s promises never change.

We will have struggles, and sometimes we have to stay there a while. So when we feel stuck, we can trust that God “will never leave us or forsake us.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – (Jeremiah 29:11)

In Memory of Lee Tuazon, a son, a brother, a good friend, and a ray of sunshine to many.

      2020, Please Slow Down. I Can’t Keep Up. was originally published on WanderBitesByBobbie