#i am somehow still on course
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I'm too ambitious for this executive dysfunction shit, fuck.
#adhd#the things i want to do and my brain wants to do are completely separate things#i want to: get a phd; develop multiple indie games; develop ttrpgs; write books; be a storyboard artist for tv series#be a full blown producer of multiple animated series#fucking kick around in japan for a couple years cause im a weeb and it sound fun#i am somehow still on course#but also; the lack of shit ive done since graduation is astonishingly low
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I'm not super in the fandom but I think a humanoid version of AM would wear that one fish hat but with the hate pillar speech on it instead

like this
#disclaimer i dont know SHIT about this uh thing. yet. i just thought of this somehow and its kinda funnt#i still need to watch a playthrough#and of course thats not my final am design i made that up on the spot sorry if its inaccurate to him or whatev. are you mad at me#ihnmaims#zoup art
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💜 URGENT MA REQUEST ‼️ 🚨 // escaping abusive household
hi / siyo y'all!! I truly do appreciate every single person's help with sharing and supporting my crowd fund so I can escape a toxic environment. anything and everything helps a big, big amount yall. i've dreamt about this moment for a long time now, hoping to be in an environment where I can finally breathe without much strife, struggle, or pain. I know everybody is dealing with their own things right now, (bless you all) so I only ask that you please share this post so I may finally live and no longer just survive.
please consider helping me in meeting my goal. please, please share. bless you. 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
vm: urdream333
ca: $discobops
pp: br4tzcore
goal: $7/$100
total overall: $207/$3150!!
#i am aiming for $3150 in total but i thought breaking it up wld h easier!#i will of course update this ^#but yeah hjgh still just tryna scrap enough together to leave 4 good 👍🏾#i am really hoping the right ppl see this somehow .. fingers crossed#!!!!!
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i just wrote a whole post on how david and roger’s perception of each other ultimately led to their downfall and it started off as like a paragraph of surface level observations and somehow morphed into an essay length analysis that i can’t possibly justify posting 😭 i did kind of cook tho ngl i’m proud of her

#lena.txt#me when i’m normal#roger waters#david gilmour#pink floyd#watermour#even if i wanted to post it i would need to clean it up bc rn it’s just a huge mess#like it’s basically just a pure manifestion of my adhd#i got derailed multiple times like i never strayed completely from the point but i definitely had a lot of tangents#at some point i started talking about the seven deadly sins and how they pertain to the disharmony of pink floyd 😭#and obviously it’s completely opinion based so i can only use what facts or ‘evidence’ i do have to support my thesis#but i still think i did a pretty good job at capturing the full scope of things#even tho 99% of the time i’m like yeah i think this could be something but i am often wrong#i think this one came out pretty good and obviously there will always be a bias when it comes to anything opinion based#but i think it was a pretty fair analysis that doesn’t really favor or place much blame on either of them#it’s just how it is 🤷🏻♀️#also it’s actually based on my tags from another post i reblogged like last month about david’s perception of roger#and somehow it turned into a mini essay with a word count of 1.5k#of course if i go back and edit it i’m sure it will inevitably become longer and closer to 2k#also there’s nothing romantic about it in nature at all like the one reference made to intimacy is strictly about emotional intimacy
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i haven't been able to stop thinking about something my "friend" said this past friday night. she and i were supposed to go to service together but missed the memo that there was no service that night, so we went to dinner instead.
we talked for a while and eventually got around to the topic of knowing when you're ready to officially complete the conversion process. she and my rabbi keep telling me that i am the only one who will know when i'm ready, and it's my job to let him (rabbi) know that i am ready. and since i am (that's why i reached out to him in the first place after four years of deep consideration and now four months of active study and practice) i tell this friend, "yes, i am ready"
but she tells me, "no, you're only just now ready to even consider commitment." telling me that i'm still in the honeymoon phase and this choice is something i have barely contemplated
keep in mind we have only actually met twice, and she barely knows me. it kind of floored me, stunned me. she keeps calling me a jew as if im already part of the tribe and then turns around and tells me how i feel as if she has any clue in the world about what this means to me. telling me that i only think that im ready. she hardly ever lets me get a word in through her presuppositions about my commitment simply because ive only been able to actively practice for just four months.
i suppose the only point of this was to rant since i don't really have anyone in my life who could understand the situation.
it just makes no sense - "only you will know when you're ready" "okay you're right i'm ready" "well no actually you're not" "okay then what does 'ready' really look like then? since my 'ready' doesn't fit your 'ready'" "see, since you're even asking that question at all it means that you aren't ready" LIKE WHAT HELLO
#long ass rant#anyway of course there's always more for me to learn and understand#there always will be#like for example i understand the choice i am making as a woman can and likely will have a negative impact on any future children i have#there are just some things i won't know how to handle until i actually face them#and this matters enough to me to still face those adversities#i understand the gravity of them as much as i possibly can at this point in time in my life and level of experience#i just seem to have a hard time getting that across to people somehow#i have no clue if any of that yapping made sense sorry#personal#jumblr#jewish conversion#jewish convert#jew in progress#jew by choice#judaism#help
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act 2 emmrich personal quest
:readmore:
IF THIS GAME PUTS MANFRED IN PERIL IM KILLING EVRYONE ELSE AND THEN MYSELF

#oh no oh no oh no i know it’s coming Somehow#of course this is why they let me have all the dialogues for living my specialist little guy#i am the tragedy enjoyer i have. a Sense for it coming and it’s Coming somehow#dragon age#dragon age: veilguard#jade plays dav#dav spoilers#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#to think i nearly named my rook johanna also phew#juniper rook#juniper aldwir#he’s still got his lil backpack on 😭
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MiqoMarch 2025 Day 12 - Companion
The Calamity had wreaked destruction all over Eorzea, causing gaping holes filled with pain and loss not only in the peoples hearts but also in the continents landscape. The Shroud, Tehmi's home, was no exception to that. On her way home to Gridania, only shortly after the battle at Carteneau, she saw with her own eyes what Dalamuds shards and the following fires had caused.
A pitiful whimper lead her off her path and into the undergrowth, where a small fox cub was mourning over it's dead mother's corpse. Tehmi knelt down and to her surprise the cub did not run away in fear but instead climbed onto her lap seeking comfort. With heartfelt sympathy for the poor creature's fate she decided to take it with her and raise it as good as she could.
#ffxiv#ff14#final fantasy xiv#final fantasy 14#ffxiv screenshots#ff14 screenshots#ffxiv gpose#gpose#Atehmi Vanoh#MiqoMarch2025#MiqoMarch#miqote#miqo'te#I decided she needs a pet and of course chose one thats impossible to get for her XD#now I will have to get her to stormblood somehow and actually try to get this minion!#the fox in the pictures was very kindly borrowed from a friend in A'vi's FC...#Besides as of today I have no posts left prepared because I still have no idea for the next and I am too stressed out atm to properly think#Lets hope I can spontaneously find ideas to continue miqomarch because I dont want to give up... D:
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Thinking about my first playthrough of DA2 is great because I had to restart at the end of Act 2 it was so bad. I accidentally skipped recruiting BOTH Isabela and Fenris, so NEITHER of them were there for the thing with the Arishok; I had to try fighting ALL the qunari in that scene. Ass handed to me and handed to me and handed to me. And when I discovered why, I restarted.
TWO WHOLE COMPANIONS
#there was also a point in time where i thought fenris and solas were the same person hehddggd#so i became aware of dragon age during the marketing of dai (my literal introduction was people going 'but can we ride the bull')#but it was fantasy and fantasy is a lot harder for me to get into so i didnt pay any more attention#but of course there was hints of discourse and discussion that'd float across my dash#some of which being obviously about solas#about fen'harel#'oh drama about this guy' and then i moce on with my day#i forget all details#then while playing da2 i learn of and am introduced to fenris and my brain#goes#fen#'fenris that's the guy! oh i cant wait to see how this develops'#FENris FEN'harel#'i wonder how he'll lose his hair' hdhfgfgdgdsh#then i play dai and solas is actually introduced#and i will admit it still did not immediately clicj#i somehow thought there was going to be a crazy reveal at some point#i mean#there was#but THAT wasnt it 😂😂😂😂😂😂
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does anyone remember when team salvato had that “for fans by fans” fanart merch contest, but like it had a backstory that monika “wasn’t allowed to participate” cause “she always wins and it would be unfair :(” but like all images of her and mentions of her name were glitched out, and in the background of the promo art there was a piece of paper with her poem “Hole in Wall” mostly erased (and not even in her font asset, just in the neutral/MC handwriting font) so all signs pointed to monika’s file being deleted
but then literally none of that was ever directly acknowledged in the posts or the merch for the contest, or in ddlc+ lore, or on other posts from team salvato’s twitter or monika’s twitter account? so, though it probably wasn’t intended to be lore to begin with, we never got any context for it, even within the constraints of the “backstory” for this specific contest?
…no? just me? ok.
#ddlc#original post#silly post but this is one of the ddlc things that lives in my head rent free#that and the anniversary stream from the same year with the fanmade mod#i forgot what it was called#brain blanking#i miss back in 2020 when team Salvato was trying to generate excitement for ddlc+ so ddl#*ddlc got a bunch of internet content and like a big celebration for the anniversary#but also cause. that’s around the time I got into the game and entered the fandom. so I was spoiled as a new fan#and now I am left to my own devices to generate content…and also fan content of course#anyway. i don’t actually know what to make of that whole contest thing#and any possible lore implications#so I’m just making this post where I go ‘damn that was crazy’#i still kinda like the idea that. the girls didn’t do anything to Monika. she just did that for attention#and they were like. ok. fake your death then whatever#we’re still not letting you win#or that’s what happens when Monika doesn’t get enough attention. like tinker bell#OR the more actual lore MatPat esque theory#that Monika’s file was ‘gone’ because she somehow escaped#and the other girls were covering for her with the contest and the explanation that ‘ohh well we didn’t want her to win so…yeah…’#TWITCH WRITES that’s the other thing I was thinking of#and btw. i wrote the end of this post like that on purpose. :3
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You know who you remind me of? Helga Pataki.
Please tell me you (or somebody else) gets the reference 😂
anon u turned my world to static with that namedrop
on the list of things i did NOT expect to happen ,because hUH??: someone dragging [hey arnold] into my tiny nuca inbox
#feesh answer#yes. yes i get the reference. . .#BRUH YOU JUST SHUT MY BRAIN DOWN FOR A SOLID MINUTE. I HAD TO SYSTEM REBOOT.#DON'T YOU CASUALLY UNLOCK A DEEPSEATED MEMORY LIKE THAT. put my waves out of wack. WOO!!! WILD!!!!#tho helga to be fair was what the millenialish kids would cal..l. a 'bad bitch'?#she put up with a lot#and despite all the suckage around her.. she still manages to be her clever ambitious passionate self#go helga go!!!! get what you want girl!!! i hope life treats you better!! you deserve several breaks!#when i first watched hey arnold#i didn't really care about it. it was decent background noise after school or whatevs.#helga was weird and creepy at best#when i got older... i somehow stumbled back into the show#and became obsessed with it. watched everything all over again. watched the movie i never saw#NOW....WITH THE WISDOM OF AGE..... i understood. i was UNDERSTANDING. really appreciated the show more#and its characters of course.... finally understood how messed up the pataki family was fo realsies#anyway. after that initial BLASTED BURST of unlocked memory vault . with the nostalgia. and the facts of me watching it twice#i return to reality: this ask. which is currently comparing me to helga#and i laugh maniacally because i don't know how else to react#my second urge was to punt anon out the window so they can land in a conveniently placed bouncy castle and atone for their crime#their crime of. making me embarrass myself with .myself#but i DON'T punt anon because. well. *gestures to the ask*#falls back dramatically into my armchair#what am i supposed to do........ i can't really escape the allegations can i...#sighs dejectedly . surrounded by my own posts
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barely four hours into the new month and im already silly
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza 7#yakuza like a dragon#arasawa#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#BYE LMAO#i just wanted to draw arakawa tbh but then somehow sawashiro ended up here too#a reward for me for shotgunning all of my comm sketches tonight :)))))#im lying of course. there was SOME intent. but i really didnt expect to make this a 'whole' thing#at the very least i just expected to post the sketch and call it a night but I Am Not Tired And I Fear Time Loss So Might As Well#anyway todays inspo for this is uhhhhhhhhhhh heavage LMAO#my guy being SO respectful not to peak... couldnt be me Who Said That#sorry i draw young arasawa so much. it just tickles me cause i get to Reasonably make jo a doofus#yk. before he fully invests himself in The Horrors and becomes a cunt. still love him tho <3 maybe even more cause of it LMAOO#ok i should sleep. but im not going to cause im gonna go work out HAHA BYYYYYEEE#posting this now so i stop looking at it and feeling like i need to add more to it BITCH ITS JUST A SCRIBBLE MOVE ON AND EXERCISE
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Looking like a lunatic walking outside in my pitch black yard at 3:15 am with my 500 lumen flashlight because I need to place multiple food spots outside for a kitten that suddenly appeared
#and it's a ginger kitten which gingers are especially my weakness due to my two boys 😭#it's also still unbelievably hot outside. all worth it of course though! and now I have to keep an eye out for more kittens and the mama#we have a great tnr program in my town and I hope more kittens (and the mama) will appear so that we can get them care#but I am worried about my stray outdoor (fixed) boys and the coons that we also feed being around the kitten(s) :/#I've been standing looking out the window for about 40 minutes now just to see if I could see the kitten again to see if it would eat the-#food piles I placed up by the house. ugh and it's still going to be hot and stormy tomorrow so I hope it stays cool and safe somehow#I almost cried when I saw it. Cats are my biggest weakness especially strays that need help/food and even more especially for kittens 🥲
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I honestly feel like this is the only place where I can say I am getting an f/o related tattoo without getting judged. It's my first tattoo and I am super nervous, it's not super on-the-nose as it's an icon of an achievement directly related to him, but still.
Either way... more info on April 9.
#mirika.txt#Like even if I somehow stop liking him it can be perceived as just some vampire admiration tattoo I guess.#Of course it'll always be a reference to him in particular but like... it's not like I dislike any of my past f/o's when I think about it.#It's also not a snap decision at all and I've been wanting a tattoo in general for a while.#If it turns out alright I already have an idea for a second tattoo but that won't be f/o related.#See how I already jump to trying to justify myself?#It just won't stop.#It should be normalized that tattoos can just be things that you enjoy or mean something to you without anything deeper.#I am aware of this and I still jump into defense.#Good grief. x_x#In the past I always thought I'd get an ace symbol tattoo but I hated that spades can mean too many things.#So this is a great replacement imo.#If I get a second tattoo it'll be a hobbit hole to signify my love for LotR. I never talk about that here cuz I don't f/o anyone in it.#Either way... thanks for listening to my ted talk. Again.
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top surgery…………tomorrow…………
#what the fuckkkkkk#I’ve heard people say ‘practice sleeping on your back for like three weeks prior to surgery!!!’ and as much as I understand that#on the OTHER hand. should I not be savoring every moment of side and stomach sleep I have left#that being at this point probably a grand total of like. 12 hours.#I wish I got a few more things done before im unable to carry shit for like a month but. ah well#like I wanted to get my tv mounted properly so I can use it from my bed. but yeah that didn’t happen#I’m still anxious about the travel part but less because I think it’s too close for comfort time-wise and more because I’m worried my friend#will think it’s too close and she’ll back out last moment and I’ll have to go with my mom instead#that would be a pretty shitty thing to do at this point but idk you never know#the way I have things set up I SHOULD have between 2hrs 15min - 2hrs 50min to get there with the latter being way more likely#it’s a 1.5hr drive NOT including traffic. considering going into SF always has some amount of traffic and there’s construction around sac rn#I am taking into consideration the traffic. but I would be kind of appalled if a whole extra hour got tacked on because of traffic#I’m leaving town during the morning rush But usually people are going INTO sac for the rush not the other way around. and by the time I’m at#the bay bridge it should be past the sf morning rush or at least at the tail end of it#can you tell I’ve been overthinking this like crazy. I mean. you can’t blame me considering if I somehow can’t make it on time I risk losing#my appointment that took me over a Year to get and I’d have to reschedule probably months later#worst case scenario of course but yeah.#anyway. anyway I need to stop thinking about this it’s pointless right now#ghsgahhh how does it still not feel totally real??? I mean I guess cause nothing currently is different in my life?? like I’m just. going to#work like normal. same routine tonight as usual. etc. it’s like it’s all gonna kick in at once as soon as Friday morning hits#maybe it doesn’t feel real partly because if it did I’d be even more anxious and unable to function#fuckkkkk I don’t know dude this is so weird this isn’t how I expected to feel at all#it could be worse of course I’m not really complaining so much as expressing my confusion over it#I’m gonna have so much fucking trouble sleeping before all this fuckkjjjkk#kibumblabs#also I was told id probably get some calls this week from the hospital but I haven’t gotten anything at all so that’s#idk a little nervewracking but it just as well could be a good thing ie; I got all my forms and tests and shit done early so now all I have#to do is Wait basically#guess we’ll see if they call or message me later today
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at this point I don't see a path for Chelsie to get voted out. If Leah/Angela wins DE HOH, no matter the combination on the block 2-3 votes will always go against whomever is against Chelsie.
The only way Leah/Angela could get Chelsie out in the Double is if they flip Kimo and Rubina over the next two days and I don't think either of them has the social capital to do that.
Something big would have to shift or else Chelsie's path to the final 5 is laid out unobstructed for her and it only gets harder from there.
#bb26#Leah can only stay this week by flipping Chelsie#but that's risky for Chelsie bc she'd be basically showing her cards against MJ which she doesn't need to do#if everyone goes after MJ in the double (besides L/A)#then Angela is still the only person who might go against Chelsie IF she doesn't get snowed in the meantime#only other possibility is Rubina and Cam team up and somehow don't want to take Cheslie with them#but they'd still have to win at crucial points which....they don't have the track record#but if MJ and Leah go back to back that opens the field up a lil#Angela and Cheslie still have better records tho#I'm discounting Kimo entirely bc of course I am#I guess if he becomes enlightened he could push for a big move like he did early on#then we could see a K/Cam/R F3#every possibility that doesn't include Chelsie is just so unlikely at this point#I'll give her her flowers when she wins but right now it's super annoying#she's running circles around these dummies and my faves are going home#even if anyone beat her at this point odds are it won't be someone i like and they won't have earned it as much as Chelsie has
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SPG [+ Pluto] Tech Headcanons:
Pluto has a computer in their room. They use it mostly for work and to play management games
Hatchworth has a tablet. He uses it mostly for drawing but also has one or two guilty pleasure games (my only thought is that old frog collecting app, y'all know what I'm talking about?)
The Spine has his computer in the Hall of Wires, which is basically his second room. Now it's not all high-tech. I mean, it is cause they're Walter Robotics, but he doesn't have like a gaming setup or anything. He uses it to browse Wikipedia. He also has a CRT and a couple old consoles in his room in place of the computer being there
Rabbit has a laptop and a phone. Yes, she's the only one who has a smartphone. She's the one recording Spine for the band's tiktok, she mostly uses it for TikTok. She uses her laptop to go on Tumblr and it's one of those tablet convertible ones so she can also draw. It also has a ton of stickers on the back
#you could consider the twins both chronically online but see there's a difference#Spine is on Wikipedia learning everything there is to know about the world#and Rabbit actually keeps up with slang and fandom culture#Hatch is somehow the least online boy#i myself am chronically online but that doesn't need to seep fully into Pluto okay?#Rabbit has an actual phone in Malfunction and i just can't see the others having one too#if they can communicate over the wifi why would they need one?#the laptop Pluto uses in my last fic is a Walter Worker laptop#this is based on a discussion with gizm0 hiii#we agreed that rabbit has blocked ao3 on Spine's computer so he can't learn about it#but of course the rest of them still have semi active tumblrs. he's had to ask rabbit what a lot of words meant#oh my stars this is the best place to put this#i love those oc question tiktoks. i answer them as Pluto all the time#one of them was like “how would your oc get cancelled?”#and i think Pluto would accidentally leak secret intel about WR#and would get computer privileges revoked for a bit while they clean up the mess#steam powered giraffe#spg fanbot#hatchworth spg#the spine spg#rabbit spg#i think i have to make all of their rooms now...
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